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Captainās Log
Stardate 20241104
Y2 S1 D40
This past week has been another busy one. The boys have been fighting off chicken pox. They are both recovered at this point so we were able to celebrate Isaacās birthday with a pizza party this past Sunday.
I have done a lot of traveling recently. Iāve been interviewing for an important position in a large company. If I am able to secure the offer, it will definitely be a turning point. I also went to a job expo for international schools. I submitted some resumes but I do not feel that to be the right direction for me at this point. Even so, I am casting my bread upon the waters to see what happens.
In a few weeks, I will be sharing about the role of praise in our lives, and my research is really challenging me. Up to now, my attitude has been to knuckle under and praise in spite of difficulties while hoping to get through them, but what my study is revealing is that we actually have the mandate to praise because of the difficulties. This is not to say, āThank you for all the bad things that have happened to me,ā but to say, āThank you that you are working for my good in every circumstance, no matter how disagreeable it is to me at the moment. I trust that you are in control and that you love me right now.ā There is a big difference. And as always, He is giving me the opportunity to practice before I share.
Right now, I am praising him for the desertāfor this time of physical, financial, and emotional weakness. I am drawing deep on my faith and choosing to trust that this is for my good, not to harm me, and that His love for me is stronger than any difficulties arrayed against me. I challenge you to join me. Maybe there is a situation that is bringing you no end of grief. Instead of asking Father to change it, thank him for it and for what he is teaching you through it. Praise him for this moment and that it is a part of his plan that is higher than your plan.
I donāt know what will happen. I have no guarantees as I am still in the research stage, but somehow, this feels right. I like to know why or at least how things are going to work out, but at this point, I think it's time to accept that they are happeningāthat even when I cannot see the why or how, He is still in control.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#faith#difficulty#jobsearch#praise
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Weāve finished out our first week of fundraising and raised $370 so far. Itās a great startāa big shout out to all of you early birds. Iāve reevaluated our goal and found that I can reduce the cost considerably by giving up the direct flight and just bringing the boys. Weāll see what happens as the deadline gets closer.
I thought Iād share a little bit of the story behind this fundraiser so you know what youāre contributing to. Iāve been working overseas since 2004. In twenty years, Iāve only been home for Christmas once because most of the organizations I worked in did not celebrate Christmas. My oldest son, Simon, was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of three and his treatment prevented travel for the next few years. Then there was Covid. Last year, I turned 40 and promptly began having an existential awakening (midlife crisis) that has led me to this point.
I stand by most of my choices in life, regardless of what other people might think, but there are a few things that I regretānot being able to go home more often being one of them.
Iāve been gone for so long and changed so much that most people who knew me would walk right past me without a second glance. Iāve tried to keep people involved with pictures and blog articles, but itās not the same.
This year, I finally have time, but Iām coming out of a year of soul-searching and unemployment. Itās not a necessity for us to come back. Itās not life-threatening as our past fund-raising attempts have been. This is just a wish. At first, I thought it was for my boys, but later I realized that it was also for me. Life is short. We never know what will happen next. I want to spend the holidays with the our clan while we still have the chance. If youād like to contribute or forward this on to someone who might, Iād really appreciate it.
https://www.gofundme.com/support-the-prosper-familys-holiday-homecoming?utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link&utm_campaign=natman_sharesheet_dash&utm_content=natman_amp1c&attribution_id=sl:d853fd75-37d2-4b56-bd09-7f039e236927
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#cancer#leukemia#relapse#midlife crisis#fundraising
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20241024
Y2 S1 D32
I had a rough night last night so I had a late night prayer session. I finally decided to shut the door on my last job and the wounds I sustained there. Iāve decided to act as though that environment no longer has any bearing on my life. I donāt know why the people in leadership made the choices they did, but I donāt have to know. And I donāt have to be afraid of them anymore. It is time to close the door on paranoia and conspiracy theories and to start living my life again. Not every workplace is dysfunctional; I still have something to contribute. Itās time to start a new chapter.
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20241022
Y2 S1 D30
Simon had an important life experience this morning. My boys have been drinking milk by the liter of late. At the current rate, they are able to polish off two boxes a day. In order to slow their consumption and cut costs, my wife and I decided to try using powdered milk. I made sure that I had it ready before the boys got to the table so I would not get pushback from the get-go.
I tried it in my cereal first and knew that it was not exactly pleasant. Isaac came next. He made a face but didnāt comment. Then Simon came to the table; I closed my eyes and waited.
āIt tastes horrible!ā he wailed. āI KNEW I would hate powdered milk. Breakfast is ruined!ā
āThereās a little bit of regular milk left in the fridge.ā I said trying to soften the blow. āI can mix it in.ā
āNo, youāll waste it! Iāll just have a smaller bowl of cereal.ā So he did.
I donāt see this experience as a bad thing. A lot of times, we donāt realize how fortunate we are until we face loss. Our family has always had enough to provide for little luxuries, but we are in a dry period right now. It will not last forever, but while we are here, it is good to learn how to reduce our spending and to make things stretch.
I donāt know why we are wandering the desert at the moment, but as I look at the Scriptures, I can see that we are in good company. Time in the desert toughens us up. It humbles us. It makes us grateful for when things come a bit easier. Sure, it tastes horrible, but itās not forever.
Right now, Iāve got two pathways ahead of me. One leads me to work, the other leads home for the holidays, but neither are within my control. In the back of my head, I still have this idea for a small school by the ocean somewhere, but I donāt know how it fits into the current scheme of things. One day at a time.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#transition#jobsearch#powdered milk#gratitude
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20241021
Y2 S1 D29
Last week was busy. Iāve been devoting my time to job-related writing. I had four interviews in a very short span of time. Iāve got another interview scheduled for next Monday, and a meet and greet scheduled for next month. Things are moving at least. Weāll see how it goes.
Iāve been struggling with whether to launch a Gofundme to support a Christmas trip. Itās one of those wishlist things that Iāve always wanted to do but never had the time and resources for. Now Iāve got the time but not the resources. And Iāve got a possible job on the line. The platform itself actually provided me with a good solution. They sent me an email informing me that if I donāt set up my bank account info before February, all the funds will be refunded. I figure if we donāt reach our target or if I land the job, I can allow the platform to return the money to the donors.
Iāve been trying to get in touch with Cathay Pacific to see if they have any Make-a-wish type programs. They are the only ones with a direct flight from HK to the East coast. So far, Iāve only been able to get their machines. I will keep trying in between job applications.
My goal for today is to revamp my Linkedin. Hereās a link to the Gofundme if you want to get involved. Prosperās Holiday Homecoming
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#cancer#jobsearch#fundraiser#christmas#home for the holidays
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20241004
Y2 S1 D15
Figuring out which day we were on was harder than I thought it would beāitās been a busy week. We went to another city and had the meeting. It went well, and theyād like to see me again in Novemberāwhich is great, but it doesnāt solve any current problems. I wrote to two local companies who have photography products that I admire. Weāll see if I get any bites there. The idea that is forming is to start a photography therapy company. All of the places I have been exploring can serve as partnersāadventure sports, surfing, sailing, diving, climbing, rugby, and if I can get a strategic partnership with Insta360, Iāll have the hardware as well. I can offer different themes with different activities as well as a basic package with hiking, biking, frisbee or some other free activity. After the event, we can come together and discuss the deeper side of our experience and share our photos.
This paragraph has taken over an hour to write. The boys have been at me with almost constant interruptions. Iām going to quit now before I blow my stack, but this is where Iām at currently.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#therapy#photography#strategic partnership
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240925
Y2S1D13
Itās been a busy weekend. I delivered the second session for my Rekindle course on Friday. We are beginning to see it stir the depths for some. Hidden wounds are coming to light. I pray that as they do, these men will find healing.
Sunday is always busy. I was not leading this week, but I was able to have a meaningful conversation with a seeker afterwards and then to have lunch with some of our dear friends.
Monday, I started designing a training program for preschool educators introducing the concept of TPR. Iām about 1/3 finished with that. The framework is done, I just need to flesh it out at this point.
Tuesday, we went to finish my green card application. Everything we can do is finished now. The rest of it is up to Him. I also got in contact with a university that offers a funded PhD program. Weāll see how that goes.
Itās been raining the past few days, and the boys have been sluggish on their work. I told them if they can finish this weekās courses early, we can go on a field trip Friday morning. My plan is to do the art museum. Weāve been back for a month and still havenāt gotten there yet.
We will be out of town this weekend. A friend hooked us up with a chance to talk to a spiritual director. I donāt hold out much hope at this point, but Iām desperate. If there is help available, I will invest the time and energy to go. Most days, I feel like Iāve had the wind knocked out of me. Maintaining any kind of sustained energy exhausts me. Iām still going, but I feel like Iām bleeding out. I can relate with Jobās lament, āFor the arrows of the Almighty are in me; my spirit drinks their poison; the terrors of God are arrayed against me.ā
If you pray, pray for me.
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240919
Y2S1D9
Let me explain, no, there is too much. Let me sum up. Here is what Iāve learned from the last two years.
1. I am not a business man. I could care less about widgets and the only things Iām interested in (which is a climbing gym or a BNB by a surf spot) takes a large initial investment and most likely wonāt earn it back.
2. I am not a school administrator. Perhaps I could have been, but the politics of the position do not interest me at all.
3. Independence and autonomy are a need for me, not a want. Confine me to a classroom and dictate my content, and I will be VERY unhappy.
4. I canāt go backwards. The university has changed its policy and I am no longer qualified to have the job I held for ten yearsļæ½ļæ½
5. I can only go forwards. It looks like a PhD is the way to go.
6. I still like psychology, and I still like management. I want a job that will allow me to influence large groups. I think organizational psychology will be the most suitable for that.
7. Online just-about-anything is a waste of time. The degree is actually the least valuable part of the recipe. Practice being number 2, and connections being number 1.
8. I know SZ is my WHERE.
9. I know WHO I want to benefit. Non-profits are not my field.
10. I know WHAT I want to do.
Taken all together, my next step is to find a school that can connect me to where I want to go and figure out how to pay for it.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#future#who am i#what I have learned#phd#highereducation#summary
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240918
Y2 S1 D8
So, itās been a busy weekend. I not only found attendees, I had my first class this Friday. I didnāt get paid for it, but Iām looking at the experience as market research. I learned one very important thing: I need an ice breaker. I canāt just launch into deep personal discussion and expect much. The group I practiced on was already established and had a culture of honesty so it still worked, but with a group of strangers, it certainly would not.
Sundayās speaker also ended up in the hospital with an inflamed kidney so I jumped in to share. My theme has been spiritual super powers. Last time, I shared about repentance. This time, I talked about forgiveness. Afterwards, I was invited to a leadership meeting. I was very upfront about my status, and it was received with understanding. In the end, it was settled that I would be in charge of the speaking team with more leadership potential depending on how that settles. I think thatās wise for everyone.
On the business side, Iām still not making money which distresses me. Between homeschooling, speaking and writing, Iām already feeling at capacity. I decided to do a one-month experiment by trying path social to boost my IG. It works, but itās a game. They give you just enough to keep you on the hook and paying. Iām pretty much going to give up on social media altogether after this. Itās not worth the headache and there is no payout. The only thing left for me to try is my own website.
Iām trying to get my business identity set up in the US so I can receive funds without using a platform like gofundme. I want to cut out all the middlemen. My website would combine my pictures with my speaking and writing and offer a channel for people to make small donations on a monthly basis. The problem would be promoting the website. It would be almost impossible to do without a speaking tour.
So, step 1: Get my business registered and open a business account. Step 2: Design my webpage but do not start paying yet. Step 3: Construct speaking content and schedule and secure venues in the US and elsewhere. Step 4: Activate web page. Step 5: Start tour.
Or maybe Iām going about this wrong. Maybe I need to start thinking about strategic connections. Iāve been trying to do things on my own for so long. Who can help me reach my goals without sacrificing my principles? Maybe thatās the question I need to start asking. Enough on this for today. My brain is hurting, and Iām getting irritated with the kids for interrupting my thoughts. Until next time.
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240911
Year 2 Semester 1 Day 5
Yesterday, I got so much writing done, I wondered what was missing; then I realized I didnāt blog. Weāve been doing well with homeschool. We are back into a routine for the most part. Simon is fighting me on his journal right now, but Iām used to the battle at this point. I just insist without letting him stir me up with the million protests or excuses or delays. Three sentences. No exceptions. Heās remarkably resistant to doing any kind of mental work to engage with what heās reading. Usually, he will find the shortest verse and copy it and then expect me to give him some enlightenment on it. Today, he copied James 5:6 then wrote, āI donāt know. Help me now.ā I will take that because itās honest. I sure hope the Lord responds.
Isaac is doing well. He usually transcribes three verses without commentary, and they are usually very encouraging to me. Today, heās copying Psalm 58:9-11. Interesting theme.
My own reading was from Isaiah when Sennacherib was defeated by the angel of the Lord. Put all three passages together, and you get a very interesting picture.
Iām still in the process of washing off the past two years. Itās hard for me not to relate all passages like this to my own experience. Honestly, I donāt know what I was dealing with in Dongguan. The words seemed right, but the fruit definitely wasnāt. When I left, I was discouraged, depressed, disgusted and borderline paranoid delusional. I was barely able to keep my grip on reality. The boys were cruel and chaotic. It was awful.
This morning, I woke up to both boys working peacefully on their own projects. Simon was doing a craft and Isaac was working on a LEGO build. No screaming, no cursing, no weird noises or abusive behaviorājust quiet discipline. I do not regret my choice.
Speaking of which, Iāve finished the prototype for my class, and Iāve found a nearby venue for it. Now I need to get attendees. The first-fruits will be given to the Lord, so I will choose people to bless and see what happens. Iām both excited and nervous about it. What if nobody is willing to come? What if it bombs? What ifā¦ what ifā¦ what ifā¦
If youāre reading this and youāre a praying person, pray for me. Itās time to step off the lionās head.
(I tried to get the clip from the movie, but for some reason China is fighting my search engine today so I AIed it instead.)
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240909
Year 2 Semester 1 Day 3
Itās been a good weekend. On Saturday, we attended a farewell to summer shindig at a friends house where we were able to catch up with several friends. Afterwards, I had my first lesson for The Book of Three. It was very pleasant teaching.
Sunday was a blessed time with the big family. I am considering getting more involved with leadership, but I know it will be a big challenge. Looking back over the past two years, Iāve been able to observe three different fellowship internally and to learn their strengths and weaknesses. My biggest take away is the danger of building mini-kingdomsāexclusive clubs based on loyalty to something other than Christ. Organizations are great, but our hope is not in any organization. Only commitment to Christ matters; everything else just ends in legalism.
Other lessons include things about structure and safety, how to effectively manage small groups, how to increase engagement, how to build up the male half of the fellowship, and how to train life skills in addition to spiritual disciplines. It would be really great if all the suffering of the past two years could be redeemed and put to practical use, but I donāt want to take this opportunity for that reason. If I move forward, I want it to be in obedience to a call, not to prove myself.
The boys have started their studies for the day so I want to get to mine. I got an okay from Richard Leider to cite his material for my course, so that is great news. Iām revamping the last section because I find his discussion on death rather insubstantial. Iāve met death. Iāve played chess with him for 43 days. Heās an old friend. Iāll design that section based more on own experiences than what is in the book.
The wheels are moving. Good stuff.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#leadership#traininganddevelopment#claimingyourplacebythefire#the book of three
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240906
Year 2 Semester 1 Day 2
Typhoon today (literal and figurative). Several conflicts with Simon already. Weāve finally gotten into our assignment groove. Yesterday I asked God for patient determination. Iāve finally learned that working with people (especially my own kids), is not about having the right information. People cannot be fixed by knowing whatās right. All I can do is chart my course, seize the helm, and brace for the gale. Some days are smooth sailing; others are not. The seas our family face seem to be more turbulent than average, but who wants an average journey?
I wrote to Richard Leider yesterday about using his material to do a seminar here in China. Havenāt heard back yet. Iāve also nailed down the process to starting a business in Virginia. Seems pretty straightforward, but Iād want to do an LLC instead of a sole proprietorship which means I need a registered agent. Iāve got a few people in mind, but weāll see. Iāve had enough of striving. I will not force my will on others. If people are of like-mind, we can work together. If not, I will not waste energy.
Break time. I need to feed my sailors or they will not be able to hold the lines for the next leg of the journey.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#startup#sailing#publicspeaking#life coaching
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240905
Year 2 Day 1
Well, itās been a while since Iāve sat down to record our adventures. Weāve had a lot on our plate since we got back from Shanghai. Weāve moved back to Shenzhen. Weāre still working on my green card. This week we went to the embassy in GZ for a passport renewal, got a blood test for Simon, shipped it to Shanghai for processing, had an official interview for the GC, had our farewell to summer, and had our first day of schoolā¦ and the week is only half over. So you can see why writing has taken a back seat.
Iāve picked up a tutoring gig on the weekends that will provide some much needed income for us. The contact is one that has a high possibility to develop into more contacts so I want to make sure to do a good job. We start this weekend.
Yesterday we celebrated the end of summer with a bang by going to the water park. Most of the other kids were in school, so we had the place pretty much to ourselves. It was a really good day for everyoneāa much-needed highlight after the stress of the past few months. They wouldnāt let me bring my camera on most of the slides, but I still managed to get some good video clips. Iāll post the YouTube link so you guys can celebrate with us.
My next two projects are to develop a support seminar for those transitioning into middle age and to get my weight under control. Iāve learned that I canāt eat three meals a day with my current energy output. Even with cutting processed sugar, Iām still gaining. Iām down to one main meal a day with a protein coffee for breakfast. If that doesnāt do it, my only hope is to become a rower on a Viking longship.
About the seminar, Iām thinking of offering it online and opening it up to an international audience. Iām trying to get a mentor in the process, but altruism doesnāt seem to be an effective motivation for mentoringāespecially in the self-improvement field. Anyone who is halfway decent becomes a competitor unless they sell their soul (and profits) to become a part of the pyramid. I might have to just learn as I go like my favorite people did. Maybe Chat GPT can help.
The boys have started their next period, and I need to get that video edited if Iām going to include it. Iām not sure how copyright laws will apply if Iām doing a seminar based on someone elseās book, but that is a future problem. If I can sort that out, Iāll send you an invitation to the first REKINDLE online event.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#leukemia#relapse#cancer#seminar#transition
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240820
Day: Summer
Itās Tuesday. I survived the retreat. I did lose my voice, but not completely so we were still able to continue. My first session did not go as well as Iād hoped. I overestimated my audience by planning for undirected discussion, not remembering that I had to train my college students and my movie night crew how to do that.
The second session was better. I explained the logic behind what I was trying to accomplish first. Then I scaffolded by doing the first part together before finally giving them a chance to try it in small groups.
I was not terribly impressed with the content I was teaching, even up to the last session. It was very intellectual, very abstract, very useless. It was true, but it didnāt have any punch. We were talking about our identity as royal priests. On the last day, I felt a need to be alone for a bit, so I went behind the venue for my quiet time. While I was reading, I noticed two goats down on the soccer field.
Deciding to extend my isolation a little bit, I grabbed my camera and went down to get a picture. As I got close, I noticed that they were tangled in the netting of he soccer goal. At that moment, I had a choiceāwas i going to leave them for someone else to take care of, or would I risk it and try to free them?
Saying a quick prayer that I learned in the Philippines, āCreation welcomes me,ā I put down my camera and got to work. The male goat was very tangled. I spoke calmingly to him as I brought the net back and forth over his horns. There was one point that he was so enmeshed, I had to physically pick him up. āDonāt struggle. Shhh.ā Finally, I was able to free him. The female was much easier. She was tangled, but I think she could have freed herself if she wasnāt providing moral support for her man.
After releasing them both, I started back to the venue, but the two goats followed me. When I turned back to look, the male walked up to me and bowed before going back to his late breakfast. I turned and started up the stairs and was hit with a blast of Godās presence. āYou are my priest.ā My spirit staggered under the weight of it. I got back to the venue barely holding it together, but when I entered, I did not see my fellow attendeesāI saw Godās sheep. I saw them as he sees them, struggling and and entangled but longing for freedom. I realized the significance of our calling as royal priests. I saw the honor in helping others to untangle the knots in their lives.
In the conclusion, I shared this story with the audience. For some of them, I know they got it; I could see it in their tears. Iām glad I was able to go. I donāt know what anyone else got from the experience, but I know I left better than I came.
PS That audiobook was called Kindness and Wonder: Why Mr. Rogers Matters Now More Than Ever by Gavin Edwards. For some reason I canāt respond to chat messages.
#choosingjoyeveryday#photography#sonyalpha#insight#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#retreat#royalpriest#identity#holy spirit
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240816
Day: Summer
So, hereās whatās going on: We went to SZ last Saturday and stayed with a friend. I spoke on Sunday, and it was really well received. After that we came back to DG and continued full-on selling. Weāve sold almost all of our big furniture except one IKEA childrenās desk in mint condition. I donāt know why that one is not selling out. I guess people buying this one second hand donāt expect it to be well-cared for. I canāt justify selling it for less that 50%.
Tuesday, we drove back to SZ to receive the keys from our renters and spent the night in our own house.
Wednesday we drove back to DG and continued packing. I made the mistake of messing with a dusty blanket and ended up with a very nasty sinus problem.
Thursday, I woke up in a haze and felt like I had been allergy-punched in the face. I fumbled through the day, packing what I could and organizing to facilitate our move. I cleared almost everything from the third floor. The only things left up there are Simonās modified bed and the small couch that is coming with us.
Today, I drove to another city to lead a retreat. Iāll be here till Sunday while my wife continues the battle at home. Iām still sick, but not as bad as yesterday. Itās good to be contributing again. I was listening to an audiobook about Mr. Rogers on the way in that had me crying as I drove. He really had a huge impact. I want to be like that; I want to be the kind of person who leaves society a better place.
Itās nearly time for my afternoon session so I need to cut this short. Hereās hoping I donāt lose my voice.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#leukemia#sinus infection#moving#packing#fresh start#retreat#public speaking
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240809
Day: Summer
Okay, so last night my wife and I were praying before bed and halfway through my prayer she says, āStop! Stop! I wonāt be able to sleep if you keep going on like this!ā Somewhat confused, I asked for clarification. āThe lamentation! I canāt bear it! Tell me how you see our status.ā So I reiterated basically what I wrote yesterday with many more details. She replied. āI can see how you could get that, and in a way, youāre right, but thatās not how I see things at all.ā
āYou came here expecting to do great things and use the resources we have been given to benefit people, and now you feel like itās all a waste and everything weāve accumulated here is going to other people. But this is not the truth. The truth is that while we were here, God gave us a huge house to live in, just for us. Itās true that we have not invested in many people here, but the ones we have invested in, weāve invested a lot and hosted a lot. Itās true that we are selling all our stuff here, but thatās a good thing. We are cutting free of junk that has followed us for years. We are not leaving here as failures. We are going back to our own apartment in Shenzhen (one of the top 20 most expensive cities to live in), with our electric car and a clear understanding of what is important. You know what kind of people you can work with, and what kind of people you canāt. You know where to focus your attention. We leave in a much better position than we came.ā
After that, it was like a filter was removed from my perspective, and I could see clearly. I had been wallowing in self-pity and victimization. I was looking at my situation as something forced on me by others, but this is just not the case. I tried the international school thing, and it didnāt work for me. I can do the work, but I donāt like it. I wasnāt fired; I chose to leave on my own terms. This city doesnāt suit our family. Itās time to get back to work in the city we loveāitās time to go home.
After cutting free of all those lies, my spirit is bounding. We might even get a chance to host another mini-retreat before we go. Before we moved into this house, we had a retreat for our SZ friends; having another one as we leave would be a great way to close out our time here. I will be sharing this Sunday, and Iām excited about it.
Father, speak through me.
#alternative education#homeschool#online education#china#education#moving#perspective#self awareness#opportunity
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Captainās Log
Stardate 20240808
Day: Summer
Interesting date. If you add it together itās 8-8-8. Maybe itās my lucky day.
Still working on selling our stuff today. Someone is coming for our bed and couch this Friday. Once thatās done, I think all of the big stuff is gone. We are keeping the washer to replace the one in SZ. Oh, we still have one of the school desks for the boys and the IKEA workstation Iām currently typing on. We decided to keep our dining room table and put it under the balcony mattress. Rae likes it too much to part with it cheap. I hope it doesnāt get destroyed in the process.
Iām really feeling ambivalent about selling our bed. I know it wonāt fit in our little apartment, but itās a very sour feeling. This whole thing sucks. Iāve resolved not to talk about my former workplace at all, but forgiveness is an act of will at this point. My emotions have not followed yet. Iām sure they willāespecially once Iāve figured out what Iām supposed to be doing insteadābut for now, it sucks.
Iāve condensed my books into one basket. The others, I will send to a friendās house. Iāve condensed my tools into a carryon suitcase and a plastic tote. I still have some room in the tote, so Iām might add some exercise equipment. My plan is to get all of my camera stuff and electronics into another carryon. Itļæ½ļæ½s good practice for if we ever leave the country.
Speaking of that, another friend got refused entry. Itās looking like if we leave without that green card, it may be a one-way trip. My twentieth anniversary since coming to China is coming up fast. Maybe twenty years is enough. I have done the best I could to serve this country. I donāt know what I would do in the US if I did go back though. Iām little better than a immigrant myself at this point. The US that I know is from two decades ago, from an age before R-rated superheroes and optional genitalia. With the upcoming election, I have no desire to live under the authority of either of these people. They both seem to be throwing gas on the flames of western civilization.
Heavy thoughts. No wonder I couldnāt sleep last night.
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