#i can see the character degradation arc starting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

superluver · 1 year ago

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Dingy Camera G.S.

6.2k words | cw: Angst, Gore, Character death, MAJOR JJK MANGA SPOILERS, S2 Spoilers, (No)happy ending/ slight comfort, Follows the Events of Gojo's Past arc+un-canon events at ending for the plot, MAJOR mental health warning, FEM READER

THIS STORY DOES NOT CONTAIN PEDOPHILIA

Gojo is very pushy

Description: Gojo was in love with you—his Highschool teacher and the strongest sorcerer of your time— who had known him since he was young. You don't see him in that light, but he is stubborn, even as a highschool student. You are watching your students grow up, becoming stronger with each passing second. And after the failed Star-Plasma Vessel trip, you set out on a man-hunt for your father, who is harboring a new woman's body as his own...

☆*:.｡. Starting here .｡.:*☆

It's dark in the apartment, well.. condo— he is a rich man after all— yet, he can see it all.

He remembers his way around the place, has for many years. He doesn’t even need his six eyes to know where he stands.

He just knows.

When he bought the condo, he purchased the furniture along with it, to keep that memory alive. It was all he had left. Sometimes he wonders if she were alive, how strange it would be, if the Zenin, Gojo, and Kamo clan’s prized possessions all sat at a dinner table, chatting about their days in peace.

He finds himself standing at the table, near the door, with a photograph. A much older woman, patting his and Suguru’s head aggressively, her chin laying on Shoko’s. Her grin was broad, a cigarette peeking out from the corner of her mouth. He and Suguru had an annoyed expression, hence the blurry photo. It was them trying to pull her off them as she was pressing their heads down so she would appear taller.

She was tall already, but two boys that were in the midst of their puberty, skyrocketing like a bean sprout, was a bit degrading to her very large ego. Her upper arm, hardly visible to the camera’s view, has a cloth— the exact same Satoru uses to cover her arm— wrapped around it with a cute little bunny knot that pokes from the side.

He closes his eyes, pulling the cloth from his eyes, breathing out.

“Hey, Sensei! Spar with me!” Satoru shouts, he’s a first year, not knowing anyone but you, the woman who watched him grow up. “Hah?” You chuckle, shaking your head with a smoking cigarette peeking from the corner.

You're sitting at your desk in your chair, it has wheels, which you occasionally spin in circles when no one is watching. Though, since your class is in session, you lay your feet on the wooden desk, which is dented from the amount of time you’ve slammed your heels on it. With your free hand— the other occupied with a newspaper— you shoo him off, continuing, “No way, you’re too weak. And,” you fwip your newspaper, “I’m busy, as you can see.”

He gapes, extremely offended. “I’m the strongest there is!” He shouts, his thumb pointing at his chest, which he puffs out.

“Alright, strongest.” You tease, watching his face grow red as you bare what you like to call, a shit eating grin.

“Let’s see, how strong are you?”

Your head turns to your other first year students, Suguru and Shoko.

Suguru sits with his head in hit palm, clearly dazed and exhausted, and Shoko has her head up in the air, leaning back in her seat with a straw in her mouth. Her arms dangling at her side.

The nearing summer heat is killing all of you, but it's impacting your classes too. The windows are open to let the breeze in, but if you close it, the classroom will turn into an oven. You have a fan running in the background, but only at you.

You know what they say, beggars can’t be choosers.

“If— if I win, we get the fan.”

Suguru and Shoko’s ears perk up, their attention on their classmate.

You shrug, placing the newspaper down. “Alright,” your fingers take the cigarette from your lips with one last puff, blowing the air away with the side of your mouth.

“Here's the deal—” you put it out on the already ashened ashtray. “If you guys win, I’ll buy all three of you fans” you tell them, holding three fingers up, then pointing to your own. “And you can even have mine.”

Then, you smile, it's a scary one that sends shivers down Satoru’s back. “But if I win, not only will the three of you work your asses off outside, you’ll be fully clothed in your uniforms, no unbuttoning, no fans, no water—”

“But Sensei, we’ll die without water!” Shoko whines, still chewing on the straw.

“No you won’t, I'll make sure you three won't. So might as well hydrate before. From dawn till dusk, we’ll train like you’ve never trained before, for the entire week, starting as soon as he loses."

That last sentence froze the room, and you continued with your closed eyes smile, waving Satoru off. “I’ll let the three of you discuss it amongst yourselves.”

He gulps, nodding before trudging back with a slouch to his friends. You observe them whisper, then watch as Satoru gets him in the head before all three of them nod.

He seems more confident, striding back. His hands slam on your desk, his glasses gleam, and that grin you taught him, “I’ll do it!”

You mirror that grin standing up, towering over the growing student, “Atta boy,”

He finds himself in the outdoor gym, right beside the track.

You, even as a teacher, never wore the Jujutsu Uniform, maybe the bottoms at times, but your top was always a tank top. In the bleachers, most of the staff. Your Colleague Mei Mei, old student Utahime, Yaga, everyone was there, to witness the worst defeat that the first years could ever experience.

“Satoru?” You call out sweetly, a newly lit cigarette sitting in the corner of your mouth. You turn, smiling to the camera that Mei Mei points at the two of you, quickly holding up a peace sign.

“Yes?”

“You have anymore conditions you wanna add before I beat you?”

He looks around, almost contemplating whether he should tell you before pointing at himself.

“Go on a date with me?”

“START!”

You laugh, dropping the cigarette and stomping on it.

“In your dreams.”

Satoru is quick, activating his infinity like it’s nothing, then going in for a quick blow. “Cursed Technique Lapse—”

You yawn.

His hand is angled to you, “Blue.”

The ground beneath you is pulled, most things around are pulling into him. All but you, standing still on the ground before being thrown back at you.

It's loud, the rubble falling onto you causing gasps from the Bleachers from students. It's a cloud of smoke, and when it clears, you’re no where to be found.

Hell, even Gojo grows worried. Blood pools from underneath the rubble, and he wants to step forward, make sure you're alright, but he remembers your words.

'Satoru, if anything happens, don’t come near me. If you think the battle is over, it’s just beginning.'

He sighs, awaiting something, anything, but still, nothing. He finds himself putting down his infinity, and Suguru slaps his hand into his face, sighing. He never listens to anything anyone has to say to him.

He finally takes a step, but this is when you finally make your appearance.

“Hey, Satoru.” You groan, pushing off a large slab that sits atop of you.

“You really— wow that was heavy —you need to start listening to the things we adults tell you.” You sigh, bringing a hand in front of yourself, clenching your fist with only your pointer finger out, pointing it at him.

“Cursed Technique,” Your blood behind to fly in front of you, turning into objects similar to needles.

You smile at him, not saying anything else, and he tries again, only to find you were tricking him.

The needles fly, hitting his pressure points.

His eyes fly open, before he falls, paralyzed.

Your binding vow allows you to access a higher amount of your cursed energy for every attack given. Blood Manipulation, a technique handed to you from your Clan, Kamo, allows you to manipulate your own blood at will. You decided to create a binding bow with yourself, allowing you to create a higher input of Cursed energy, to 120% into your attacks. Every attack given to you, that causes you to lose blood, would cause an even greater attack to be inflicted on the person because of this. It's confusing to explain, but you made sure to demonstrate it to your first years.

Satoru just doesn't listen.

Mei Mei is still taking photos of the ordeal with your camera, sure to share them with Yuki, your former classmate.

Satoru stares up at you, who is looking down at him with a smile, your hair falling with gravity, the sun behind your head, illuminating your strands.

“I am the strongest for a reason.” You grin at him, kneeling down and placing a palm on his chest, taking back your blood, which sits in a ball in your hand.

You turn to the bleachers, whistling to your other students who are in the midst of running away.

“Cmere.”

They sigh, walking off.

“I’ve got an errand to run, so you’re going to stay with Yaga—”

“WHAT!” Yaga shouts in the distance, but you ignore him completely, continuing, “and his students. Kapeesh?” You point at them.

They all nod, and you help Satoru up, patting his shoulder.

“Yaga, make sure their uniforms are completely buttoned up, no water, nothing. Just make 'em run. I don't want to see a jog, no walk, just run.”

He nods slowly, watching you send him a thumbs up before patting Shoko’s head.

You scurry off, and are gone for quite some time. So long in fact, that it's already dusk. The trio is sweaty, out of breath panting, and overall exhausted. They walk back to the classroom, the hallways are hot and expect the room to be an oven, yet when they enter, it’s chilly.

On their desks, each their own fan, and you, with your arms crossed, asleep.

No matter how annoying their teacher was, she was always the best.

Was.

By the time they became second years, you were always in and out, or just on the phone. Yaga was now their teacher, but you are still their favorite. Days when you were there, they would sit in your classroom after ditching Yaga’s, sitting with Kento and Yu.

“You three better run off back to your class.” You tell them, smoking with your reading glasses sitting at the bridge of your nose. You has a piece of chalk in your hand as you wrote on the chalkboard, equations that now seem like a piece of cake to them.

They grew too fast over the summer, the boys towering over you. Shoko was still a short girl, who was now smoking. You wonder where she picked that up from.

“Nah! We’ll stay here.” Satoru told her, sitting in your seat and swirling around.

Defeated, you sigh, “Suit yourself.”

He stares at you as you write; really taking in your state. Eyebags that were darker than usual, chapped lips, more empty cigarettes boxes, and don't forget to mention the frequent phone calls.

And, as ironic as it sounds, your phone rings. From the title, he can see a name, read as Yuki.

You click your tongue, placing the hall down and running your hand through your hair. As you pass by, you place a hand on his head, ruffling it while flipping open your phone.

“Yea, Yuki?” Then, you walk out.

Your voice is muffled, slowly fading out the more you walk down the hallway. The last thing he could make out was the word ‘Dad’.

The five students sit in awkward silence before Satoru finally breaks the ice.

“What’s up with her?”

The question was for everyone in general, but mainly towards the first years, who got to see her more than he did, which did get him jealous.

“A mission! Supposedly she’s hunting someone down.” Yu speaks up, and Satoru quickly asks.

“Who?”

“A man named K—”

“We don’t know.” Kento speaks up, and it's obvious he’s lying considering the fact that Yu was about to say the man's name.

He didn't press any longer, only narrowing his eyes. Then, humming, leaning back in her seat. It smelt just like her.

He closed his eyes, the plan running through his mind. He nods, thinking how genius he is.

Later, he finds himself in your apartment, sitting at your dining table.

You would jump if you didn’t feel his cursed energy waving from the parking lot.

“Well, here we have a rogue student.” You joke, slipping your shoes off at the door.

“Your shoes off?”

He looks down at his feet, then back up, nodding. “I remember some things.”

You grin, “I know, I didn't make you completely useless.”

It's silent, his eyes wander to the stove. The time was 3:42am, he had been waiting for her for a long time.

“What were you doing?” He asks, staring as she begins boiling water. “Hm? Mission. Tea?” You ask, trying to lighten his mood and overall pressing.

He shakes his head, and you stare at him. His clothes are changed, hair damp, almost completely dry. “Who are you hunting—”

The handle of your tea cup breaks off, the base falling to the ground. It shatters, you stare down at it blankly.

“Satoru.” You say his name coldly, the kettle begins to whistle loud.

“My affairs have nothing to do with you.”

The distance between the two of you is great, like a ripple in time, about immeasurable.

“B-but! I can help you—!”

“Satoru!” You shout, glaring at him, your eyes glowing, face darkens. You calm when you see his expression, almost hurt, and scared. His eyebrows contorted, his lips parted. “Satoru.” You whisper now, walking to him with your arm open. You embrace him, his head to your stomach. Fingers play in his white hair.

“I don’t want you getting hurt. The last thing I want of you is for you to get hurt. This is my own burden,” you take his face in your hands, smiling, “You understand? Taking the future away from children is unforgivable.”

He sighs heavily, wondering when you would stop seeing him as a child, and in a new light as a man.

“I’m not a kid.” He grumbles, his arms wrap around your torso willingly.

“Then a baby,” you joke with a coo, shaking him left and right softly.

“Mei is taking Iori on a mission, I’ll be accompanying them. So, we’ll be gone for no longer than a day.” You inform, stroking his head.

He nods, his eyes growing heavy.

“If you're tired, go to bed.”

“No.”

You shake your head, a light chuckle escaping past your lips. So stubborn. “Suit yourself.”

You go back around to the kitchen, turning off the kettle. “I’ll go shower, your tea is ready.” You tell him, walking over and holding his cup by the rim, placing it on the coaster in front of him. His eyes stare at the cup, almost cautiously. He nods, taking the cup from the table.

By the time you're done, you find the boy asleep upright on the chair, his head down and eyes closed, small snores escaping his lips.

You find yourself scurrying to your table by the door, rummaging through the drawer to pull out an old camera, snapping pictures of him. You laugh, placing the camera on the table he’s at, kneeling in front of him to stare.

You don't remember him growing up this fast, it kind of hurts.

Your hand goes up to his face, squeezing his nose to stop him from breathing. His eyes open wide, and you laugh at his panicked face.

“To bed with you.” You whisper, and he tiredly nods, taking your hand as you lead him to the guest bedroom, but he stops when you try to pull him into the room.

“Satoru,”

He looks down with a pout, his shaggy hair covering his eyes.

“I want to sleep with you.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, shaking your head with a sigh before leading him to your room. Allowing him to open your sheets and sprawl into your bed. You tuck him back in, patting his stomach as you lay down.

“Just like when you were a child. Always asking your parents to sleep over, and of course I let them. You were so cute!” You exclaim, positioning yourself to your side. He stares up into the ceiling, and you watch him. Your head on your hand.

“Stop staring into Narnia, sleep—”

“You won’t die, will you?”

His voice is soft, and he won't look at you. He doesn’t want to see how you're staring at him. Your eyes wide, lips puffed, clearly taken aback.

“Ah, what makes you say that?” You whisper, your tone dropping.

“You don’t sleep, your never home—”

“You’ve been in my house?”

He pouts, “Technically, it’s not a house.”

You laugh at his response. “Satoru, I’m a human.”

“But the strongest.”

“You’ve seen me bleed. I don’t plan on dying right now, but everyone dies, some sooner than others.”

Now, he finally turns to you and your smiling face. He doesn’t cry, not that you’re surprised. He's never cried.

You hear him breathe out a hum, closing his eyes. A smile graces your lips, and you brush his stray hairs from his twitching nose, which tickles him.

“Good night,” you whisper, before getting up and sitting at the chair beside your bed, and wrapping a blanket around yourself.

After a few days of no sleep, it finally hits you like bricks, a shame you have to wake up at seven, but you’ll be sure to thank those two hours of sleep that grace your schedule.

—

The yawn that passes your lips is atrocious. It's the 13th one that you’ve done, and Iori is growing irritated. “Sensei—”

“(Y/N) to you champ,” You correct her, and she bites back her tongue.

“(Y/N)-san.. did you sleep by any chance?” She asks, smiling with tight lips. You, on the other hand, raise an eyebrow, your head leaning on Mei Mei's shoulder, who’s clicking through her red flip phone.

“My personal life is none of your concern.” You tell her.

You swear, the younger these new sorcerers are, the more disrespectful they get.

It’s raining, the roads are wet and slippery. Silence fills the vehicle, aside from the frequent wipes of the window shields and Mei tapping through her phone. You don’t even remember dozing off, just appearing in front of a screwed up house.

Iori turns around, staring at her old teacher and new colleague. She respects her, but can’t stand her. She is the reason Gojo is the way he is.

“You have to keep watch out here in case anything happens.”

With your pinky finger deep in your ear, you're clearly disinterested. “Yeah yeah..” waving them off, Mei mei gives you one final look, her features resembled that of a feline, elegant and cool, she smiles, striding off with her umbrella behind the young sorcerer.

“Two hours!” You shout at their disappearing figures.

That's the reason you were there, to determine whether this was a time warping curse. It’s quite possible the flow of time is distorted in there.

So you sat, and waited. And waited, and waited, until two hours did pass.

With a sigh, you take out your flip phone, dialing Yaga and explaining to him the situation.

“The flow of time is different here, yeah. Utahime is with Mei. … After two days, come assist if Utahime can’t get it.”

You close your device, trudging into the building. Your eyes close, the smell of blood reeks, but you continue to follow the familiar cursed energy, followed by a high pitched scream.

“With a scream like that, you could be a scream queen.” You laugh, throwing your head back.

“Kamo-san!” Utahime exclaims, almost in relief.

“Yoohoo!” You greet, waving your hand at her, the other lost in your pocket.

“Have you figured it out yet?” You ask, your head tilting.

She stares at you, almost annoyed.

“Not yet.”

“You best hurry,” you start, fishing a cigarette from your pocket. It’s not boxed, your pocket is just full of cigarettes. The other pocket held the lighter. Your hand cups it, lighting the cigarette. A cloud of smoke hits her in the face, and you laugh at her, pointing as she waving her hand away.

“Sorry about that, but anyways,” your pointer finger is pointing in the air, moving in circles. “Time is running differently in here.”

“I had the feeling,” Mei says, standing besides you.

“Go on Utahime, figure it out.” You shoo her, sitting on the ground of the hallway. It's dirty, dust and bugs crawling throughout the space, but you’ve dealt with worse.

In a daze, you hear Utahime and Mei’s muffled voice, a couple thuds, then the ground, which you were sitting on, crumbling apart.

The three of you in a free fall, though the only one panicking seems to me Utahime.

You're falling in circles, hair flying everywhere, cigarette still in your mouth, you take off the bandage from your finger, opening the scab and drip blood. You bring the heat of your blood to almost boiling, turning it into vapor so you can stay above in the air.

Utahime is screaming bloody murder still, and no doubt in your mind that she could be the next scream queen.

You find yourself next to Shoko, listening to Satoru tease Utahime. “You cryin?"

“No! I’m not, respect your Seniors!” She shouts, crushed by the rubble.

You ruffle Shoko’s hair before coming behind Satoru, closing your fist you knock the back of his skull.

“Ow!” He whines, holding it in pain.

“Be respectful, kid.” You scold, blowing the smoke from your cigarette away from him. Your hand grabs ahold of the large rubble that crushes Utahime, allowing her to crawl out.

“If I was crying? Would you console me?” Mei asked, Gojo responding seriously, but also playfully.

“No way! You wouldn't cry, you're strong Mei!” He tells her, and you sigh.

Utahime, still on the ground, shoots up. The rubble pieces on her back fell, and you stared blankly at him.

“GOJO!”

Behind her, a large curse pokes up, startling Utahime, and even you a little. Utahime jumps on you, who is still holding the rubble piece up. You drop it, eyes wide as you stare at it.

“Yikes.” You whisper, when another curse eats it.

“Hey, Satoru. It’s not nice to pick on the weak!” You hear a familiar voice.

Suguru, under the influence of Satoru.

“How long do you plan on holding on for?” You ask teasingly, feeling the girl shake.

She stares into your eyes before jumping off, her face red as a tomato, teeth clenched while her finger waves at you accusingly.

“I-I- I DIDN’T MEAN THAT! I THOUGHT YOU WERE.. uh.. My dog! Yea, my dog!”

You raise an eyebrow, shrugging. “It was a bit, comforting..” you tell her, teasing her by showing her your embarrassed face, gaze to your side, flickering around before looking back into her eyes. Your arms hold yourself, and you laugh right as her mouth pops open.

She quickly leaves when she notices Shoko. Hugging the girl tightly,

“Sensei!” Shoko calls out, and you notice something.

It’s as bright as day. The sun shining down on all of you, the clouds on the blue sky.

You gaze up blankly, slightly in a daze.

“What is missing?” You whisper to yourself, your fingers rubbing on your chin.

Then, amongst their conversation, you hear one of them talk about a veil, presumably discussing an outfit, and you internally hear glass shatter.

The three students kneel in front of Yaga.

“Who was in charge of the veil?” He asks, and the two point to the one in the middle.

Satoru.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, groaning.

Again, your phone rings. Satoru stares at you, almost accusingly, but you pay him no mind.

“Yuki,” you start, walking out the room. Satoru looks in a daze watching you leave, and Yaga following suit, punches the boys on the head before he leaves.

“Hey, we can see the hearts in your eyes.” Suguru teases, hitting his shoulder.

“Really!? You can?!” He asks, genuinely curious.

The two stop and stare at him, and Satoru feels stupid.

“I’m obviously kidding.”

“..”

“You can’t send them on that!” You shout at Yaga, so loudly that just they can hear you as clear as day.

The school rumbles under your wrath, a fee students in the classrooms fearful. But the trio in the gym stand uncaring.

“Please, Yaga.”

Yaga looks down at you, sighing before patting your head. “It’s not my decision, kid.”

You right the corners of your eyes, chewing on your bottom lip.

“I know.” You whisper, walking away from him.

When your kids were going on a life threatening mission, you were being sent off by the higher ups, finding your father.

Kenjaku.

It would be hard, considering he changes his body every few years.

You don't understand why Riko Amanai was being in the care of two second years. You’ve already been in contact with her for a couple months, filling her in on things no one else wanted to do.

You could easily take care of this, but higher-ups said Kenjaku was first.

So you bit down your tongue, swallowed the ball forming in your throat, and walked away from the school campus.

I remember Dad, he had that scar over his forehead.

You flipped open your phone, receiving a message from Yuki, which read, Sendai City, and an attached image of a woman, bobbed hair, and that same scar through her forehead holding a toddler.

You hold your breath.

A brother.

Even though the two of you, biologically speaking, had different parents, you couldn't help but notice similarities the two of you had. Same gleam in your eyes, same cheeky smile.

You found yourself chuckling a bit at the photo, and at the boy.

“Okay,” you whisper, your phone back into your pocket with a nod. Hand clenched. “Sendai,” you tell yourself, marching off.

…

You should have come earlier. The Jujutsu Tech, was a nightmare. Blood everywhere, a destroyed entrance, and a failed mission.

They sent you to get rid of Kenjaku, but when you heard of what had happened, you rushed back home.

Your mind running a million times a minute. Toji killed Riko, he hurt your students.

All you could think about were your boys.

“Satoru?! Suguru?!” You shout, running towards the dorm rooms. Just as your about to knock on Satoru’s door, Suguru is beside you. “He’s not in there.”

You almost gasp at his appearance, so different from what your used to. His hair is out, his eyes purple and bloodshot from crying, he’s not in his uniform.

White baggy shirt and some sweatpants you gave him as a first year that had finally come to fit him.

You give him a broken smile.

“C’mere,” you whisper, opening your arms to him. You pat his back, rubbing it in circles, but he doesn’t cry.

He trembles, but he doesn't cry.

“It was my fault, I’m sorry. I shouldn't have left—”

“I’m too weak.” He cuts you off, his forehead on your shoulder. “I can’t keep up with him anymore.” He tells you, and your heart almost breaks.

You give him a reassuring squeeze, sighing. “Suguru, in this world, nobody is truly equal.” It's the honest truth, you think. Something you wish someone had told you in your younger days. “I just hope, in this life, you can all find happiness.”

You hold his face in your hands, smiling up at him.

“My kids are growing up so big, so fast. So I'll do this one last time.” You tell him, that last part confusing him, but you notice his eyes gloss over.

One last time.

You make your way to Shoko after taking Suguru back to his bed, who is in the second year classroom, alone.

You lean at the doorway, and she doesn’t notice you. A cigarette sticking from the corner of her mouth as she flips through her medical books. A bag of opened chips sit on the three desks she put together. The room is dim, but familiar.

“There’s my favorite girl,” you greet, finally walking up to her.

She too, seems more tired than usual.

You pat her head, ruffling her hair a bit.

“Hey! What’re you doing here?” She asks with a smile, watching you stare at the three desks, letters carved into them. You chuckle, responding without looking.

“I’m here to say goodbye.”

She blinks, then laughing. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you're.. going to die..” realization hits her.

You only smile back, hand on her cheek as you stroke her with your thumb.

“Lay off on the cigarettes,” you begin, and she takes her head out of your grasp, shaking her head profusely.

“No..”

“Make sure to make your bed in the morning, brush your teeth, wash your face,”

“Stop.” She says, chewing on the cigarette.

“Oh and make sure those morons take care of themselves as well.

“Sensei!”

You stare at her, and she looks in your eyes.

You find your eyes watering. This has never happened before. You don’t recall a single memory of you crying. But, here you are. In front of one of your old students, crying.

“Ah, this is so strange.” You mutter, wiping your eyes, and Shoko stares at you, her own face growing red, eyes filled with emotion.

“Take care, Sensei.” She tells you, hugging you hard.”

You snort, squeezing her back. “You too, I love you all very much.”

You leave her back to her studying. Your first years, took it easier. They’re too gullible, to innocent, you can’t tell them.

You wave them goodbye, and lastly was Satoru.

But he wasn’t there.

He was, somewhere.

Not where she needed him.

She laughed at herself, shaking her head as she made her way back to Sendai.

Her last phone call was made to Yuki, “Hey,” you start. And she’s silent. You hear sniffles from her end of the phone, and you can’t help but tease her. “If you start crying now I won’t be able to stop myself.”

“I love you.” You tell her, and she’s crying on the line, unable to say anything. You end the call, the last one to make, Satoru. Of course, he doesn’t answer, so you talk for the voicemail.

“Satoru, my boy. My pride and joy, you weren’t at school so I couldn’t talk to you face to face. And I have a lot that I want to say, but I'm running on limited time.”

You swallow, walking down the street, and hand in your pocket, other holding your flip phone to your ear.

“Don’t blame yourself, number one. I don’t wanna hear, I should have been there, or blah blah blah. Only I’m allowed to do that. Anyways, I'm sure at this point, you’re stronger than me. Way stronger than me. But, not the strongest. I’m the strongest. Does that make sense? I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I just wanted to tell you, it’s been a pleasure knowing you, and I'm sorry I won’t be able to see you become the man you’ve dreamt of being. I love you, Satoru, and take care of yourself and the other—”

Your time with the caller is over, your voicemail has been sent.

“Ah damn.” You mutter, standing in front of a warehouse.

Cursed energy if radiating from the center, so you bring your fingers up. Your pink and ring fingers interlock, your middle fingers curl, fitting side by side, and your pointer fingers are straight up, the tips touching each other, your thumbs too.

“Domain expansion: Bloody Mirror.”

Satoru hears glass breaking while on his way back to the school, his hands are in his pockets, and he’s care free, thinking about bothering his Sensei—

Screams is all he hears. Sobs, and Yaga, his head down and shaking, holding what seemed to me a bloodied armband.

Heh, funny. It looks like the same one that (Y/N) used.

Utahime stands in front of Yaga, head in her hands and shaking her head. This was just a dream, she kept telling herself, but her sobs wouldn’t stop.

“Satoru.” A voice called out, it was Yaga. Even from far away, his voice was just so clear.

His steps grew heavier, like weights were on his ankles. His posture even began slouching, with his heart racing.

“Hey Yaga! Say, where’s (Y/N)- Sensei? She’s always out and about—”

“She’s dead.”

“And she never comes home..” he says, whispering the words home. He doesn’t even realize his eyes go wide, of that the only sound he can hear is his beating heart. It scared him. Really badly, it scared him. His feet carried him to Shoko’s ‘Lab’, though it was really a morgue.

He didn’t expect to find Suguru, who was usually holed away in his room since the incident, sitting on the chair looking down. His hands clenched, he didn’t want to get up.

Shoko’s eyes were red, puffy, tired.

A cloth over the body, and his feet took him to it.

He saw someone, with the same hair color as you under there, and it had felt like he had died again.

He began peeling the cloth away, but that’s when Shoko stopped him, right below your eyes, that's where she stopped him.

What he didn’t get to see, what only Shoko saw, was the largest, hole in a person’s face she had ever scene in her small, but broad highschool years as a healer.

Not only was your mouth missing, but your arm was completely ripped off, and if she had to describe how it had been torn, it would have looked like string cheese, as though someone had torn it off in such a way, as to torture you.

Another hole through your chest, your intestines no longer existed and your spinal cord severed, but, through and through, they were told you still won.

Only dropping down when a sorcerer came, giving them a smile before plopping down.

“Let me see her.” Satoru tells her, but his grip is weak, his hands tremble.

“Let me heal her first—”

“Let me see her first! I want to see.. I want to see how she won.” He says, his voice going from a loud shout to a soft whisper.

Shoko lets go, turning away because she doesn’t want to have to bear the sight of the scene once more.

Satoru drops it, wanting to scream but nothing will come out, wanting to cry, but his eyes are just so dry.

He wants to say something, but his voice is gone.

He’s gone.

He stares down blankly at the corpse, The Strongest is dead.

The next one will take over, the cycle never ending.

He doesn't even realize that his breathing grows labored, his eyes, for the first time in his life, are unable to see.

His six eyes, the jewels of his clan, prevent him from seeing.

He can’t feel anything, he can’t move, but he finds himself in the middle of your apartment. Pictures of him and you and Shoko and Suguru, and Yaga—

Everybody.

With that dingy camera, you snapped hundreds of photos. He knew where you would hide the camera, so when he skimmed through it, he found himself falling apart. Pictured from days he doesn't even remember, his childhood all in this stupid old camera.

So stupid.

But he can’t contain himself. He can’t control his heart, the way his forehead hits the wood floors as he begs God, He who blessed the young Gojo, for her back. He would give anything for her back. His heart was with her, it would never come back.

The more he clicked through them the more he would ache. Looking at the photos with a trembling hand, he comes across one where the four of them are smushed in the back seat of a car. All of them sleeping, with someone else, presumably the driver that you threatened begged to take a photo for you. You were winking, finger to your lips like you were shushing.

Shoko was on top of your lap, Suguru and Satoru on either side, leaning on your shoulders.

He chuckled, and the more we went, the more silly photos he came across. He found himself wiping his tears away, replacing them with his laughter.

Shoved away in his pocket was your armband, which he now used as his blindfold, and in the other.

A dingy old camera to take photos, and make memories with his students.

But, sometimes, he’ll go back to the original camera, that hides away in the same drawer, looking at the past and reliving those memories.

He wonders how Megumi feels every time he looks at the numerous photos of you that are scattered in the house. The carvings of Gojo’s height, made by you as he grew. The two strongest, living in one house, at the same time. So, he looks Megumi, possibly as a projection of himself, but he has Tsumiki. He also finds it funny, when Itadori is with him, baring the same smoke you once had.

Wanting to laugh, it seems that the Strongest are always taking in the enemy's kid. It’s like a bong between them all.

From one strongest to another.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo angst #gojou satoru x reader #teen gojo x reader #teacher reader #gojo saturo #Gojo #gojo in love #Reader is older #geto x reader #gojo x you

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bunny7567 · 2 months ago

Text

I got you - chapter 12

Pairing: Rex x Jedi!ofc

Word count: 7.2k Tags/Warnings: NSFW 18+; drunk sex; piv sex, face-sitting; some degradation; fingering; cumshot on the back? idk how to say this; heavy drinking; Fives and Lexie find out they have something interesting in common; she's not a bad person I swear, she just has anxiety; there's some angst in here too; also can you tell I'm an only child who always wanted to have a big brother?

A/n: so we finally get to the smut. It's the first proper sex scene I've ever written, hope it's good. It's definitely not word for word the fantasies I have about what I'd want this character to do to me... definitely not that. I am simultaneously really excited to see if people will like this chapter and also want to hide under a rock after I hit post, weird combination.

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chakaar - scumbag, bitch, bastard vod'ika - little brother, little sister mesh'la - beautiful

~~~

Coruscant was still recovering from the Zillo beast rampage as Lexie was slowly making her way to the barracks. Echo and Fives were supposed to return from their ARC training tonight, so she finally felt like she had something to look forward to. It had definitely been some eventful few days. From joining Mace Windu’s forces on Malastare, to the frustrating negotiations with the Dugs, to fighting the nearly indestructible Zillo beast, it had been one bad thing after the other.

But thankfully the 501st had a few days of much needed rest, and Lexie was all caught up with her reports and ready to go out and celebrate with the new ARCs like they had planned. She made more of an effort tonight, she was wearing the new, white crochet blouse she’d just bought the previous day, over a blue bandeau top, with high-waist, leather-like shorts. Her blue hair was pulled back in a ponytail, secured by two braids that started from her temples and her makeup was more sparkly than usually.

She felt a bit insecure, especially with the looks she got from some of the other Jedi as she was leaving the Temple, but she tried to reassure herself that it was a nice outfit, and good for a night out.

However, her insecurities were also coming from the fact that she’d have to see a certain Captain she’s been sort of avoiding, something that filled her mind with uneasiness.

They had spoken very little on the way to Malastare. Rex had been nervously waiting for her after the briefing, and had asked to talk to her privately. The two had walked in silence until they reached an empty corridor, and awkwardly stood facing each other until Rex found the words he had been rehearsing since the previous night in the break room.

“General, I need to apologise to you”, he started.

“No, it’s fine, Rex, don’t-”, she tried to interject.

“No, I… I am very ashamed of my behaviour. I had too much to drink and I… I wasn’t thinking properly. I am sorry and I promise it’ll never happen again”, he continued, trying to sound as professional as he could.

Lexie couldn’t help the way her heart sunk as she heard the words, it really hurt hearing them. The way he’d gently caressed her face, the fact that he’d almost asked to kiss her, it was all she had been able to think the entire night. But he hadn’t meant it and now she was sure of it. That sounded about right though. Of course he didn’t share her feelings, he hadn’t actually wanted to kiss her. She felt so stupid that she had allowed herself to entertain the idea that maybe he did love her back. She swallowed hard before pushing all her emotions out of her mind.

“I understand, Captain. Thank you for your apology. Let’s just try to forget it ever happened”, she said in a forced calm voice.

Rex had only nodded, avoiding looking into her eyes. He knew he’d break if he did, he’d keep talking and end up backtracking on his apology and admitting how much he wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to make her his. Instead he just left, and he continued avoiding her. He was relieved that she wasn’t as upset with him as he worried she’d be, but the tension between them was undeniable. He had really kriffed up and he wasn’t sure how long it’ll take for their friendship to recover.

While on Malastare, things had gotten a little better. The tension was still lingering in the air between them, but they managed to fight side by side, to have each other’s backs, and even to casually chat while on the flight back to Coruscant. It still felt awkward, but both of them had decided to pretend that the night in the break room never happened, for the sake of their friendship.

Once Lexie reached the base, she made her way to the hangar and joined Jesse, Kix and Hardcase who were already there waiting. She had timed it well this time and was on time to see the shuttle arrive on the landing platform and watch as Fives and Echo disembarked and made their way towards them, helmets tucked under their arms.

A bright smile appeared on her face as she watched them proudly walk into the hangar, dressed in their new ARC trooper armor. They had even found the time to customise it and she looked them both up and down, her gaze then landing on the smug smile on Fives’ face. She hated to admit it but her friend looked good, really good. They stopped at attention in front of her and saluted, a gesture which she returned on this occasion, before dropping the formalities and hugging them tightly.

“You look amazing, mesh’la”, Fives whispered in her ear.

Lexie rolled her eyes fondly before stepping out of the way so that the others could greet their brothers. She cursed at herself when she realised that his comment had actually made her blush, something that Fives noticed, bringing him a great deal of satisfaction.

“So, what do you think?”, Fives asked as he gestured to his armor.

“Hmm, not sure, give us a twirl?”, Lexie replied in a playful tone. Fives obliged.

“You look the part, let’s see if you can play it too”, Jesse said with a laugh.

“You jealous?”, Fives quipped.

“Of you?”, Jesse scoffed.

“Echo. Fives. Good to have you back”, Rex’s voice sounded from behind, making Lexie instantly tense as she felt his presence.

She moved to the side, a little outside of the group, letting the men catch up. Her eyes kept drifting to Rex and the smile she had carefully crafted was beginning to falter as the conversation progressed and he did not once look in her direction.

Lexie moved her gaze back to the two friends she had really missed but felt her stomach turn a little as she met Echo’s eyes. He was looking between her and Rex with a questioning look. Echo was always so perceptive of her distress, of course he immediately noticed the tension. She swallowed hard and tried to look away but it was too late to pretend that everything was fine, as Echo moved closer to her.

“Are you alright, vod’ika?”, he asked quietly.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”, she answered automatically. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed as she fully processed his words and looked up at him, a smile slowly returning to her face. “Vod’ika? You know I’m older than you right?”.

“Eh, feels right like that”, Echo replied, gently nudging her with his elbow. “If you don’t mind, of course”.

“No! I-I don’t mind at all… it actually means so much”, she said quietly.

Lexie suddenly felt overwhelmed by her emotions and for a second she thought she was going to cry. Echo really did feel like the big brother she’d always wanted, and hearing him call her his little sister filled her heart with a warm, joyful feeling. She let out a small chuckle and Echo put an arm around her, bringing her in for a side hug.

“So… come on, what’s going on? You seem really tense”, he pressed.

She glanced back towards Rex and caught him abruptly looking away from her.

“It’s nothing. Just been some stressful few weeks”.

“Alright. I’m here if you want to talk about it”, he said, releasing her from the hug.

Their attention was caught by a sharp whistle made by Fives.

“Are we going or what?”, he asked with a grin.

“Yes! Let’s go”, Lexie said, allowing a grin as big as his to appear on her face.

The 79s was crowded, mostly with troopers in the 501st blue who could finally enjoy some downtime after months of deployment. Fives practically sprinted towards their usual booth, making sure to snatch it before a couple troopers who were heading towards it could sit down. A few curses in Mando’a were mumbled by the other men as they walked away in search of another table.

Lexie made sure to slow down, falling in step with Rex. She really wanted to sit next to him tonight. The two of them were the last to reach the booth and the Captain stopped to allow her to sit down first before taking the seat next to her. She looked at him and offered a small smile which he returned. This is good. We’ll have some drinks and laugh and by the end of the night everything will be back to normal.

The first round of drinks was ordered, Jesse insisting they all tried some new cocktail he had the last time he was there.

“It’s really good, it’s called Red supernova”, he said.

“Yeah, but a cocktail vod?”, Hardcase asked making a face.

“It’s good, trust me”, Jesse insisted.

“It really is but it’s definitely not new”, Lexie interjected.

“Wait really?”, Jesse asked.

“Yeah, it’s what I was drinking that first night we met”, she replied with a chuckle.

“When did you even start liking cocktails?”, Fives asked Jesse.

“Sivra made me try it last time I was here”, Jesse replied.

“Who’s Sivra?”, Echo asked.

“The drop-dead gorgeous Mikkian I rescued from humiliation after Rex just left her on the dancefloor”, Jesse replied smugly. “Still can’t understand what the hell was wrong with you vod, but your loss”, he continued, addressing the Captain.

“You just left a girl on the dancefloor? And since when do you even dance? I’ve only seen you do it once, when Lexie dragged you with her”, Fives asked with a laugh.

“She wasn’t really my type. And I wasn’t on the dancefloor, we were stood close to it, talking”, Rex tried to excuse himself.

“Banthashit! since when are pink-skinned women not your type, vod?”, Hardcase quipped.

Lexie’s felt a pit form in her stomach at that comment but she forced herself to keep a smile on her face. She turned her head slightly to see his reaction.

“I wouldn’t say they are, no”, Rex replied, feeling uncomfortable.

“Really? So most of the women you hooked-up with don’t have pink skin?”, Hardcase pushed. “Cause I definitely remember you leaving this place with two different pink-skinned Twi’lek girls in the past-”.

“And there was that Mirialan as well, what was her name? Astri?”, Jesse interjected.

“Could we not go through my dating history right now?”, Rex said defensively, earning more laughs from his brothers.

Lexie shifted uncomfortably in her seat, moving closer to Fives who was on her left. She felt like such an idiot for ever allowing herself to believe that Rex might like her back. I’m not even his kriffin’ type.

She was now sat so close to Fives that their legs were touching.

“Missed me that much, mesh’la?”, he leaned closer to quietly say in her ear.

His hot breath on her skin made her shiver and she turned her head to look at him. “Maybe I did”, she said matching his sweet tone.

They were interrupted by the droid waitress that arrived with their drinks and Lexie eagerly reached for hers. The group toasted the new ARC troopers and she downed most of the beverage in one go. Curious eyes flickered to her.

“Whoa, slow down. Are you okay Lex?”, Fives asked, placing a hand on her leg.

“Just really needed a drink after the whole Zillo beast disaster”, she said, choosing to mention only one part of what was bothering her. She could feel Rex’s eyes burnt into her side but she refused to turn her head and meet his gaze.

“What actually happened? We saw the damage from the shuttle, looks like the place has been bombarded”, Echo asked.

Lexie let out a scornful laugh. “Do you want to fill them in on that? Cause if I do I will end up saying some things about the Chancellor that I will definitely regret”, she scoffed, finally looking at Rex.

“Look, I know you don’t approve of what happened, but that thing had to be stopped”, Rex tried to argue.

“That thing was sentient. And the last of its kind”, Lexie said with indignation. “It should not have been brought to Coruscant in the first place. The Chancellor is-”.

She abruptly stopped herself, grip tightening on her glass. The Chancellor was fully responsible for all the death and destruction that the creature had caused and Lexie was angry and frustrated with the Jedi Council for going along with it. But she had already had this argument with Rex, an argument that had ended with him warning her that she sounded treasonous, and she didn’t want to pick it up again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Let’s just change the subject. I’m sorry I brought it up in the first place”, she continued, pinching the bridge of her nose. “So, Fives, Echo, what kinds of trouble did you get into during training”.

“That’s just rude, why would you assume we got into any trouble?”, Fives faked being offended.

“Because we’ve met you”, Kix chimed in with a laugh.

The conversation shifted back to their ARC training and more drinks were ordered for the table. The twins did actually get into some trouble and the group laughed as they recalled the events.

As she was now feeling a bit more relaxed, Lexie shifted a bit closer to Rex again, her knees bumping his thigh. The three drinks she’d had in close succession were starting to affect her a little, making her feel a pleasant buzz and lowering her inhibitions. She leaned closer to him in order to have a more private conversation.

“Are you having fun, Captain?”, she asked.

“I am, General. You?”, he answered with a level tone, leaning towards her as well.

“Are we okay, Rex?”, she blurted out. “Because I am sorry for what I said after the Zillo beast was killed. I know how much you care about the Republic and hearing me criticizing it must’ve been quite disappointin-”

“Lexie”, he cut her off. “I think you misunderstood me. I wasn’t accusing you of anything, I was just trying to protect you”.

She looked at him with a confused frown.

“I understood where you were coming from, why you got angry, and I even agree with you to some degree. But we were in public, and I noticed General Windu was watching you. I was worried you’d get in trouble”, he continued, keeping his voice low.

“Oh”, was all she could reply. She hadn’t noticed Mace Windu had been watching her, she really could’ve gotten into trouble if he had heard her criticize the Chancellor so openly. A warm feeling stirred in her chest. “Thank you… for always looking out for me, Rex”, she said quietly.

“That’s what friends are for, right?”, he said with a half-smile she didn’t realise was a little forced.

A few drinks later, Lexie was on the dancefloor with Fives, Echo and Hardcase, jumping around together to the lively music of the club. Jesse was at the bar, trying to sweet talk a Chalactan woman who didn’t seem too impressed by his charms, while Kix had just returned to their table and was sat next to Rex. She didn’t have any luck tonight in getting the Captain to dance with them so far, but she also didn’t want to push too much and ruin the progress they had made in repairing their friendship.

Hardcase was now dancing with a Mirialan woman that had been trying to get his attention for the past three songs, which had prompted Lexie to just drag him over to her and introduce him. She liked playing “wingman” to her friends every now and then.

When she returned to where they had been dancing she noticed that Echo had gone to their table, leaving only Fives waiting for her with a sly smile on his face. She flashed him a smile of her own and they continued dancing together and singing along to the songs they knew, his hands coming to rest on her hips as they swayed in tandem to the music, while her arms rested around his neck. After a few songs they both decided to take a break from dancing and return to the group at the table.

“I’ll be right there”, Lexie told him before making her way to the fresher.

As she was heading back to their booth, weaving through the bodies of sentients, her eyes caught a glimpse of a familiar Tholothian woman on the other side of the dancefloor. Gemma was dancing with a trooper from the 212th, looking gorgeous in a gold dress that perfectly complemented her dark skin. Osik. Panic flooded Lexie’s senses as she hurried back to her table, keeping her head down. She wasn’t sure if she had seen her.

As she got to the booth, she jumped over Fives, landing between him and Echo, using the former as cover, as she melted into the seat and tried to hide. Rex shot her a confused look from across the table.

“You good, vod’ika?”, Echo asked her. She managed a weak hum of agreement.

This was bad, really bad. With all the missions that they’d had ever since she joined the 501st, she did not have the time to think about Gemma. She had wanted so much to apologise after seeing her that night all those months ago, and even came close to contacting her after Erosh-4, but had decided against it since she was not in a good headspace at that time. But after that came deployment after deployment, and her conflicting feelings for Rex that fully occupied her mind, and Gemma simply slipped away from her thoughts. She felt so guilty and ashamed it was making her nauseous.

“You're in trouble, Gemma's here”, Jesse announced as he returned to the table.

“How do you know about Gemma?”, Lexie exclaimed, panic clear in her voice.

Both Jesse and Fives looked at her with a confused look on their faces. “I was telling Fives-”, Jesse started saying.

“Well... so you're not dead after all”, Gemma’s voice sounded. She had approached the table and was stood next to Jesse, glaring down at Lexie.

Lexie felt all eyes turn to her as the conversation between Kix, Rex and Echo came to an abrupt stop.

“Gemma, h-hi...”, she started.

“How... how do you two know each other?”, Gemma asked, looking between Lexie and Fives. The look on her face was of horrified shock.

“Fives is part of my battalion”, she replied.

“Oh, of course! That makes perfect, perfect sense”, Gemma said with a forced, sarcastic laugh. “Because where else would Fives learn to treat a woman in such a despicable way if not from you?”.

Lexie could feel Rex’s eyes on her and guilt and embarrassment were filling her mind. What will he think of me now?

“That's not fair Gemma”, she said quietly.

“Oh it's not fair? And you deserve fair? After everything?”, the Tholothian sneered.

“I'm sorry, I really… I-”

“You're sorry? You treat me like complete shit but you're sorry and it's ok?”, Gemma interrupted.

“Gemma, please. You cannot put all that on me and you know it”, Lexie tried to protest.

“You are unbelievable”, Gemma said, shaking her head in disbelief.

“I'm not sure what's happening but I feel like I should-”, Fives tried to pipe in.

“You should what? Throw some empty promises around, leave and never call? Just like you taught him, right Lexie?”, Gemma continued in a contemptuous tone of voice.

“Gemma, come on...”, Lexie tried to reason with her.

“No! You know what? You two... you two are perfect together. Absolutely perfect” Gemma said with spirited gestures of her hands, raising her voice. “So why don't the two of you just fuck each other and leave the rest of us alone?”.

With that, Gemma walked away and Lexie watched as she headed to the exit of the cantina. She wanted to run after her, apologise properly, but she felt frozen in place. Everyone at the table was watching her and she was so embarrassed. Her eyes flickered to Rex who was looking at her with brows furrowed in confusion. She leaned forward and let her forehead rest on the table with a thump, squeezing her eyes shut. If only her Jedi abilities allowed for her to open the ground and let it swallow her whole.

“What just happened?”, Kix asked with a bewildered chuckle.

Lexie sat back up and let out a long breath. “What are the chances you guys could pretend that nothing happened and not ask me to explain?”.

“Zero. Now spill. How do you know Gemma?”, Fives asked her.

“Wait, how do you know her? Please tell me you didn’t…”, Lexie returned his question but could not bring herself to finish the sentence.

“I hooked-up with her a few time. Why?”, Fives said.

A horrified look was plastered across Lexie’s face and Jesse let out a snort, as he was the first one to put two and two together.

“No… don’t tell me you both…”, he tried to unsuccessfully say between laughs.

She looked at Jesse who was laughing then at Fives, seeing the wheels turn in his head.

“You didn’t…”, Fives said with an amused expression, looking at her. “You also slept with her?”, he asked loudly.

Lexie let out a groan and put her face in her hands. “It’s actually worse than that”, she said, voice muffled by her hands. She rubbed her temples for a little bit before straightening. “Maker just take me now”, she mumbled, looking up at the ceiling.

“Okay, you really need to explain”, Echo said from her right.

“I mean I don’t really need to, I could just leave”, she said as she stood up.

Fives pulled her back down by an arm. “Oh no, you’re not getting out of this that easy”, he said with a chuckle. “Spill”.

“Ugh, fine”, she groaned. “Before the war started, Gemma and I were in a sort of friends with benefits arrangement. Or, that’s what it started as anyway, but she became too attached and I didn’t know how to deal with it so I kind of just… completely ghosted her”, she explained, squeezing her eyes shut and scrunching her nose as she said that last part.

“How long was that going on for”, Jesse asked as he sat down next to Rex.

“Uhm… about 11 months”, she admitted, looking down at the table.

“11?! Lexie that’s basically a relationship”, Kix exclaimed.

“Yeah, I know, I…”, she stumbled over her words before reaching for Echo’s glass and downing the alcohol in it. “She did know I was a Jedi, alright? From the beginning. She knew I couldn’t do attachments. Yes, I should’ve put a stop to it when I sensed the feelings she was developing, but I let it keep dragging on for a few more months. I did like her, I just never felt the same as she was feeling… and then, when she eventually told me she wanted more I didn’t know how to reject her without hurting her so I panicked, told her I needed some time to think about it, but then I just went MIA on her”.

“I would not have pegged you for a fuckboy, Lex”, Fives joked, nudging her with his elbow.

“N-No! no, it was not like that”, she turned to him, lifting a finger to empathise her point. “I wanted to talk to her, I just needed some time to figure out how to let her down gently. But then I was called for the Battle of Geonosis, and I got injured and I was in a coma and then I pretty much immediately joined you guys… I… I feel really fucking awful about it…”, she trailed off.

Fives put an arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer to him. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, taking in a shaky breath. “Come on, it’s not that bad. We’ve all messed up with girls”, he tried to comfort her. Jesse piped in with some agreements.

“I’d say the coma and the war is a pretty good excuse for not contacting her”, Kix added, offering her a small, supportive smile.

“Well, I still feel like a complete chakaar”, she said with an embarrassed chuckle.

“You’re not. Don’t be so hard on yourself”, Echo interjected.

Lexie’s eyes flickered towards Rex and she felt a pit form in her stomach. He was avoiding her gaze, focused on the glass in his hand. She realised he had not said anything during the entire conversation. How much had she fallen in his eyes tonight, she wondered. She doubted he liked her anymore.

“I need more alcohol”, she mumbled as she got up, shuffled past Fives and headed to the bar.

Fives shot Rex a pointed look, silently urging him to do something, but when he realised the Captain was not going to go after Lexie, he got up himself and followed after her.

“Are you okay, mesh’la?”, he asked, coming to stand next to her at the bar.

“Could’ve done without all that humiliation earlier”, Lexie replied after she ordered whiskey for the two of them.

“It really wasn’t that bad. I’ve had worse”, he offered leaning on the bar and facing her.

“Yeah, like what?”, she asked, mimicking his body language.

“I had a drink thrown in my face after hitting on a woman I had already slept with but completely forgot about”, Fives said with an embarrassed chuckle. “Now that was bad”.

“How do you even do that?”, she asked with a laugh.

“It was a drunken hook-up in the back alley, and honestly I didn’t even pay that much attention to what she looked like, I still had you on my mind”, he replied nonchalantly.

Lexie choked on the drink she’d just received from the bartender. “What?”, she managed to ask between coughs.

“It wasn’t like that. Or… okay, maybe a little. It was that night after we first met so I was mainly worried that I’ll get reprimanded for hitting on a Jedi. But, I guess I was also thinking what a shame that you were a Jedi, because, come on, you’re hot. Would have loved to go home with you that night”, he said before taking a sip from his drink. The wide-eyed expression on Lexie’s face was bringing him a lot of satisfaction.

“You really are a bold one”, she said with a nervous laugh, trying to feign some composure.

“I try”, Fives replied with a shrug and a disarming smile.

Lexie felt her cheeks burning so she looked away, trying to laugh it off. Her gaze wondered back to their table and, to her surprise, she noticed that Rex wasn’t there anymore. She looked around a little but could not see the Captain anywhere.

“Looking for Rex?”, Fives asked her, watching her intently.

“What? No”, she replied automatically.

“He’s upstairs”, he said, gesturing with his head to the platform of the first floor. “He said while you were in the fresher that he’s gonna join Commanders Ponds, Fox and Cody at one point”.

“Good for him”, she replied trying to sound unbothered, while struggling to resist the urge to look in the direction he had pointed to.

“What’s going on with the two of you?”, he asked bluntly.

“What do you mean?”, she countered.

“Lex, come on. I’ve been watching you tonight, you seem really tense around him”, Fives said.

“You’ve been watching me?”, she asked in a playful tone, taking a step closer to him.

“You’re deflecting”, he remarked, following her lead and leaning closer.

“There is nothing going on”. She finished her drink, eyes not leaving his. “Let’s go back to dancing”, she said.

Fives chuckled and shook his head slightly. He downed the remainder of his drink before grabbing her hand and guiding her to the dancefloor. Lexie wasted no time wrapping her arms around his neck, while he placed his hands on her waist. She felt his fingers slip through the holes of her crochet blouse, slowly caressing the skin underneath. The touch sent a shiver up her back and she pressed herself closer to his chest.

For the next couple of hours, Lexie danced, needing to forget about everything, only stopping every now and then in order to do more shots. She got Echo, Kix and Jesse back onto the dancefloor after dancing exclusively with Fives for four songs, and the group danced and jumped around to the music together, until Kix left with the Chalactan woman that had rejected Jesse earlier that evening. Hardcase had long gone home with the Mirialan he had been dancing with, leaving Lexie with only Fives, Echo and Jesse.

She’d steal glances towards the platform of the first floor from time to time, catching Rex looking at her on a few occasions. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking and it was really frustrating her. She watched as he and Cody left after a while, before Echo and Jesse decided to also call it a night, leaving her with just Fives. But she didn’t mind, she wanted to keep dancing with him and the feeling was reciprocated.

A song they both liked started playing and the two of them began singing along to the lyrics. I just want you to make a move/So slow down, sit down, it's new. Lexie took a step back and Fives grabbed her right hand, twirling her to the music. She let out a genuine laugh. She lifted her right hand, hooking her fingers under his chestplate at the base of his neck, and pulling him closer to her as she continued singing the lyrics of the song. You just told me, want me to fuck you/Baby, I will 'cause I really want to.

Fives’ eyes darkened and he turned her around, Lexie’s back now pressed on the hard plastoid of his chestplate. His hands came to rest on her hips, his grip strong, and she placed her right hand over his. She brought her left hand to the back of his head, gently pushing it down closer to her face.

“Wanna get out of here, mesh’la?”, Fives said in her ear, his lips grazing the skin as he spoke.

The song ended and Lexie stepped away from him, her heart thumping in her chest. All the alcohol she’d had tonight was starting to make Gemma’s suggestion sound like a really good idea. She’d not had sex in months and Fives was hot, and right there, and he wanted her, she could sense it. Without much thought she took his hand and pulled him towards the exit.

Back at the base, Fives walked Lexie back to her room. Despite all their flirting tonight, he didn’t actually believe anything would come of it. He did like her, he considered her a good friend and found it very enjoyable when they flirted or when they danced together, but she was a Jedi, he respected her and did not expect anything just because of some suggestive conversations they’d engaged in.

Once they got to her private room, Lexie opened the door and took a step in, turning to look at Fives who had stopped in the doorway. She took in his presence, his eye-catching new ARC trooper armor. Maker he looks good. He was leaning on the doorframe, his eyes, a little unfocused from the alcohol, roving down her body. Lexie felt a pressure building in her core. She shouldn’t do it, but the alcohol in her system had lowered all her inhibitions. Kriff it. She reached her hand, hooking her fingers around his belt and pulling him inside the room.

His hands were on her in an instant as he dove in to capture her lips in a hungry kiss. Lexie wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself close to him. Her left hand found itself in his hair, pulling gently at it, causing a low moan to escape from his lips into her mouth. The sound went straight to her core as she felt a tingle of pleasure sweeping over her body.

Fives deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking entrance in Lexie’s mouth, which she gladly welcomed. His right hand travelled down from its place on her hip and grabbed her ass, as he took a few steps, pushing Lexie into her desk.

Lexie broke free from the kiss just for a few seconds in order to swiftly take off her blouse, throwing it behind her on the desk. Fives’ left hand came up to cup her breast over her bandeau top, kneading at the soft flesh. His lips returned to hers, then moved slowly across her jaw and down the side of her neck.

One of his legs slotted itself in between hers, drawing out a moan from Lexie’s lips as the plastoid pressed against her core. She instinctively rolled her hips into it again, chasing more of that pleasurable feeling. She felt Fives grin against her skin. She needed this, she needed the release from all the tension of the past few months.

“Take the armor off”, Lexie whispered in his ear.

“Are you sure?”, he asked in between kissing her neck.

“Yes… If you want to”, she said.

“Hell yeah!”, he exclaimed.

He grabbed a hold of her hips and took a few steps back, pulling her after him, before turning and pushing her on the bed. He started to hurriedly unclasp the upper part of his armor, discarding the pieces on the floor. Lexie shifted in bed in order to take off her shorts. The sight of her in just the bandeau top and underwear was too much. Fives stopped what he was doing and lunged at her, taking off her top and exposing her breasts. He caged her in on the bed, towering over her as he started hungrily kissing and licking her stiff nipples, eliciting a few whimpers out of her at the delightful sensation of his warm tongue.

“You’re so kriffing hot, Lex”, he said, lifting his head and allowing his eyes to proudly trail over the marks he had sucked on her chest.

Fives took off his gloves so he could properly feel her soft skin. Lexie tugged at the top of his blacks, stopping his attention to her breasts for just a moment so that he could assist her in taking it off. His mouth returned to her chest, trailing kisses and leaving small bites down her abdomen, his goatee slightly scratching her skin. He planted a sloppy kiss on her clit through the fabric of her lacy underwear, before moving it to the side so that he could lick a long stripe along her folds. Lexie let out a breathless moan.

Fives raised his head from between her legs and looked at her with lust-filled eyes. “You taste so good, mesh’la. I want you to sit on my face”, he said in a low tone of voice.

Lexie liked that idea and eagerly nodded. Fives pulled her underwear down her legs before hooking an arm around her back, lifting her up, and moving to take her place laid on his back on the mattress. She straddled his chest and kissed his neck, before moving up and hovering just above his face. Fives’ hands grabbed her ass, hurriedly lowering her wet pussy to his mouth. His tongue tentatively licked up and down her folds, eliciting a gasp from Lexie as she tried to brace herself on the wall in front of her. He let out a low moan as his tongue started circling her clit, causing her thighs to slightly clench around his head.

Fives’ tongue dragged around and over her clit a few times before moving it to circle her entrance and slipping it inside her. Her hips started to slowly move as he fucked her with his tongue, a warm, tingling sensation gradually raising in her body, and she moved one of her hands to tangle it in his hair. As he felt her getting closer he replaced his tongue with one, then two of his fingers, moving his lips back to her clit. A few more movements of his fingers, accompanied by him sucking and licking at her clit and Lexie arched her back as the orgasm washed over her, prompting a sigh to escape from her lips and coating his face with her release.

She got off of his face, turning and leaning against the wall as she tried to catch her breath. Fives sat up, reached a hand to the back of her neck and pulled her lips into his, not giving her any respite. He was too worked up now, he needed more of her. Lexie moaned as she tasted herself on his lips, the fire inside her core reigniting. Her hands started exploring his chest, gliding over his toned muscles.

“You’re overdressed”, she breathed as her hands reached down and fumbled to unclasp his belt.

Fives chuckled and got up, quickly shedding his kama, the last of his armor and the lower part of his blacks. Lexie’s eyes went wide as she watched his hard cock spring free from the fabric. It was long and thick and she felt her core clench at the sight.

“Like what you see?”, he asked with a teasing grin.

“Very much”, she replied, meeting his eyes.

He got back on the bed and captured her mouth in another sloppy kiss. Lexie parted her lips, allowing his tongue to enter and twist around her own. One of his hands groped her breast, pinching her nipple between his fingers. His hands then moved to her waist and effortlessly turned her around. Lexie found herself on her hands and knees as Fives leaned over her and kissed the back of her neck.

He then shifted on the bed, moving behind her, and dragged the tip of his cock through her wet folds. Her breath hitched as she felt it catch at her entrance. Fives’ hands grabbed her hips as he slowly pressed himself inside of her. The stretch was a little painful at first, but the burning sensation was swiftly replaced by pleasure after he pulled out and slammed back into her a few time.

Lexie tightly shut her eyes, low moans escaping from her mouth. His pace grew quicker and his grip of her hips tightened. His unrelenting thrusts, paired with the haze of the alcohol were beginning to be too much, and Lexie lowered herself to her forearms. She burrowed her face into her pillow as Fives hit a spot deep inside of her that made cry out.

Fives wrapped her ponytail around his hand and pulled her head up from the pillow. “Oh no, mesh’la. I want to hear you scream”, he growled.

She followed his request and let out a loud moan that echoed through the room. Lexie started pushing back, meeting his punishing thrusts. Pressure was quickly building in her core and her walls clenched around his cock. Fives mumbled some curses under his breath and quickened the pace, his thrusts getting sloppy as he chased his release.

“Who knew you could be such a little slut?”, he said between grunts. Lexie’s walls clenched tighter around his cock at that remark. “Oh, you like that huh? You do, you like being called that. Well why don’t you act like a good little slut and cum all over my cock then, mesh’la?”, he continued in a low voice, pulling her ponytail harder.

A thought entered Lexie’s mind, one that she had been desperately trying to ignore. Rex had the same anatomy as Fives, this was exactly how he would feel inside of her. In this position, not being able to see the man who was fucking hard into her and only hearing the low grunts he would sometimes make, she could even pretend that it was the Captain behind her. That thought was the last thing she required. The pressure released and a wave of powerful bliss washed over her body. She let out a loud cry before her body melted into the mattress.

The sounds she made as she orgasmed were music to Fives’ ears. He only needed to thrust into her a couple more times before quickly pulling out and spilling his cum on her lower back. He fell to the side and rolled on his back as he tried to catch his breath. Lexie lowered her hips to the bed and turned her head to look at him. The strenuous activity they'd just engaged in had sobered them up a little, and, as they came down from their highs, realisation hit as to what they've done.

“Maker…”, Lexie groaned, hiding her face into her pillow.

Fives got up from the bed and went into the fresher, returning with a damp towel so that he could clean his release from Lexie’s back. She mumbled some thanks before Fives laid back on the bed, pulling her to his chest. They laid like that in silence for a few minutes, with him slowly stroking up and down her back, processing the turn of events that their night had taken.

“So… that was uhh…”, Fives started, sounding tired.

“A mistake?”, she continued.

“A really good one, though”, he offered with a chuckle.

Lexie let out a small laugh and brought a hand to her temples. “Ugh. I don’t even want to think about how many rules we just broke”.

“It sounded like you really enjoyed breaking them though”, he teased.

“Don’t get cocky. It was good, I’ll admit. But it can never happen again”, she said as sternly as she could, although the amusement was still clear in her voice.

“I know”, he assured her.

“And you cannot tell anyone. Please. I’m sure you’d love to brag that you managed to fuck the Jedi but-”

“Lex, come on”, he cut her off. “I wouldn’t speak about you like that”, he said, a little offended.

“I’m sorry. I…”, she said quietly.

“I actually care about you mesh’la, you’re one of my best friends. You do know that, right?”, Fives continued.

“I do now”, she replied half-jokingly.

Fives chuckled and shook his head before yawning. “And don’t worry. I wouldn’t have said anything anyway. Rex might actually kill me if he found out I slept with you”, he said, a trace of guilt present in his voice.

“Don’t exaggerate. Like, sure, he’d be disappointed you broke regulations, but I doubt he’d care that much”, Lexie said with a snort.

“It’s not because of regulations Lex, it’s because it’s you”, he replied weakly, half-asleep now.

“What do you mean?”, she asked, brows furrowing in confusion. There was no response. “Fives?”.

She tilted her head and saw that the ARC trooper had fallen asleep. She glanced at the digital clock on her desk. Maker it’s late. Lexie yawned, the alcohol catching up to her, and she settled more into his side. She could think more about it tomorrow but for now exhaustion was filling her mind and it pushed away the curious comment that Fives made.

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aihoshiino · 5 months ago

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Hi there! This is from an ask from quite a while ago. I sent it before but I think Tumblr ate it once again.

"Honestly Ai's relationship with like, sex and intimacy and sex in the context of a loving relationship being healing and reclaiming for her is one of those things I have so much fun writing in the context of RP and stuff but if I continued rambling about it here I would go on all day lol and this post is already so long. IN ANOTHER ASK, PERHAPS ……."

I would like to hear your thoughts and ramblings about this please 人´∀｀)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ANON… I've been sitting on this ask for so long and I've had so many half finished responses to it written up kgjhhsfkg This is just one of those topics where I have so much to say every time I tried to start I got overwhelmed and didn't know where to start… BUT WE'RE SO BACK…!!!

(Also, this is basically part 2/a follow up to this post if anyone wants/needs some extra context)

Honestly Ai's relationship to sex and the role it plays in her character arc is one of the most fascinating parts of Oshi no Ko to me and I'm always really surprised that it basically never comes up in fandom discussions surrounding her? Part of that is just folks wanting to talk about/speculate more on the characters who are alive and present in the series (or have ship wars about them) but even when people DO go back and talk about her it tends to be kind of surface level or just, the worst takes you've ever seen in your life (if I never have to see another Secretly Evil Ai theory it will be too soon) but like… the sex stuff is also pretty surface level! That friction between Ai of B-Komachi's assumed obligate virginal purity and the reality of Ai Hoshino as a person who has had and desires sex basically IS the entire premise of the series. It's the core conflict around which so much of everything else revolves - it's the reason the twins have to keep quiet on their connection to her and moreover, it's the reason she dies. But honestly given how this fandom gets about sex sometimes maybe that's a blessing in disguise lol

It is SO refreshing to have a lead heroine like Ai, though - like I said, the reality of her as a person who has had Probably A Lot Of Sex is pretty much the premise of the series and at no point does the narrative ever take on a shaming tone towards her. Hell, the explicitly stated thesis of the story is that it's everyone who has a problem with this who should be ashamed. Gotanda literally says it himself - Ai's tragedy is the fault of the people who refused to accept her as the hurting, broken, dirty and impure person that the real her was.

In fact, the series is shockingly respectful of Ai and her body in general. This is very much a "the bar is in hell" moment but I'm so used to anime taking every opportunity it can get for lowbrow cumbrained fanservice that the series just being, like, normal about Ai was a breath of fresh fucking air. It's so easy to imagine an infinitely worse version of the series that uses Aqua's access to her body (as both Gorou and Aqua) to frame and leer at her in some really repulsive ways, but it literally never happens. It's one of those things the first chapter/episode does that earns it a lot of goodwill in the long run which it does honestly need lol. The initial premise of the series asks a lot of the viewer, especially given that Mushoku Tensei exists and very much does use the protagonist's plausibly deniable access to the bodies of women and girls around him for some truly putrid and degrading shit. BUT BACK TO MY ACTUAL POINT…

That pointed absence of shaming in the narrative is why it stands out to me so strongly when Ai does direct this kind of shaming language towards herself. Ai engages in a lot of negative self-talk in general because of how utterly pants her self-esteem is, but it's never quite as pointed as in these circumstances. Her death scene is honestly the best and most heartbreaking example of it - the anime trims a few slivers from it to the benefit of the scene as a whole imo, but it does retain the most important line:

But there's another part from slightly earlier on that didn't make it into the anime that equally breaks my heart:

All that Ai refutes of Ryosuke's words is his conclusion that she never cared about her fans. In other words, when Ryosuke slings slutshaming misogyny at her, Ai agrees with him.

And like… why wouldn't she? Society at large already has very strong opinions about women who have and enjoy sex and Ai is an idol - that's purity culture on Berserk Eclipse Difficulty. To make matters worse, Ai's entire life has been defined by her being denied the right to control her own body or being blamed for the way other people respond to it. Not only was Ayumi physically and emotionally abusive towards her for basically her whole life, but she also victim blamed her when her stepfather turned out to have a inappropriate interest in her. Even when she was literally a child, she was not allowed to simply exist without being subjected to other people's gaze and objectification.

It's also worth noting that the abuse Ai grew up experiencing - Ayumi's violence and neglect and living with the possibility of sexual assault at her stepfather's hands - are all things that can contribute to hypersexuality in puberty or at the very least, being prematurely sexually active and/or partaking in risky sexual behaviour and I think all of these are true for Ai as well, to varying degrees. My read has always been that the twins' father was not her first or only sexual partner (though he was her last) and I think this is something the work itself supports as well - Akane identifies Ai as having behavioral issues typical of someone who began having sex during puberty (and she does specifically say 'puberty' in Japanese, not just 'as a teen') but that this behaviour mostly tapered off by the time she was 15 and credits it by inference to Kamiki. So obviously, if the 'unbalanced behaviour' as the result of sex predates her meeting Kamiki… you know?

I also just personally find that a more compelling read of Ai for a variety of reasons - and it just sort of makes sense to me, to imagine her as this girl desperately trying to figure out how to love people, wanting to connect with people but not knowing how to do it, someone defined by the ways she contorts herself to respond to the dirty desires of the people around her… idk, it just feels Correct to me in light of everything to assume that she went through a few boyfriends before Kamiki, all relationships that went very fast, escalated to intimacy at light speed then just sort of fell apart after. And we know from what Ayumi admitted - and from some of the things Ai has said - that Ayumi absolutely was slutshaming and victim blaming Ai when she was in her care. So much of what Ayumi did to her forms the foundation of the present day Ai's self-loathing and self-image issues, so I imagine she felt a lot of prebaked guilt and shame when she did actually start having sex, especially at a young age and outside the bounds of a what society regards as an acceptable circumstance for a girl to be having sex. So add idol culture on top of all that, and…

I don't think Ai's relationship with sex is necessarily the main issue she struggles with but it does feed off and into a lot of the other things that cause her pain and being able to untangle that would represent an earthshattering breakthrough for her. This is why it's so important that Oshi no Ko never ones tries to debunk or disprove Ai's assertion that she is 'impure' or 'dirty' and why I do not think a positive character arc for her could never come from someone trying to convince her that she isn't. Because that doesn't actually disprove anything - it still frames purity and virginity as a state of grace that can be fallen from and reinforces Ai's view of herself that she only has value, that she only deserves to be treated with respect so long as she's still 'pure'. Even if you could convince her that she's 'pure', she would inevitably be stained again and hate herself all the more for it. The only way out is to break out of this method of thinking altogether, to realize that 'purity' and 'impurity' don't mean anything - and more importantly, that even though she is dirty, impure and all the rest of it, she is still capable and deserving of loving others and being loved in return.

To quote something I've said before on this topic: "Love, for Ai, is a person seeing her most wretched and unacceptable self, her self hate and avoidance and everything about her she thinks is filthy and wrong, and actively choosing to accept her as she is, warts and all. […] There's this very strong underlying current in Ai's arc of self-directed shame and self-hate in relation to her sexuality that fuels perception of herself as 'dirty' and 'impure' - all because she is a person who wants and enjoys sex. I really enjoy getting to have Ai work through that specific hangup with a partner who loves her - not from the angle of 'of course you're not dirty' but 'even if you are, I want you anyway'."

So much of what hurts Ai is other people refusing to accept 'Ai Hoshino' and even being actively repelled and repulsed by her, choosing instead to believe so fervently in the inhumanly perfect 'Ai of B-Komachi' that they convince themselves the real Ai is just a trick of the light. Sex is basically the ultimate refutation to that - it's someone saying they actively choose the dirty, broken real thing which is what Ai has desperately been searching for her entire life. It's also the inverse of the plastic. sanitized intimacy Ai sells as an idol - rather that pretty lies of love, it's dirty, physical intimacy, something she can do as much for herself as the person with her, something that can only ever be hers as Ai Hoshino because it's antithetical to everything Ai of B-Komachi is.

what i'm saying is: can this girl PLEASE get some good dick. i don't know how much of anything it would fix but it would make her calm down at least a little.

ALL JOKING ASIDE……. thank you again for your patience anon and i'm sorry this was so rambly lKNDKSCXSNDS. like i said up top, this is a topic i have a lot of thoughts on and i wanted to get them all out into this post. i hope this was interesting to read…!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ai hoshino #onk spoilers #onk asks #meta essays

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ofallthingsnasty · 1 year ago

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Please indulge me with what the life of being arlong’s human pet entails

Gladly 😏 Sorry this took so long, I just couldn't write this without re-reading the Arlong Park arc and Jinbei's flashback. (But I have to say it gave me so, so much inspo for more stuff with him hehe - he just ticks off every violence and degradation box there is, what a character 🤭) anon is referencing this post tw. gn reader, violence, noncon, torture, free use mention, dead dove: do not eat, dehumanization, (inevitable) death, minors dni, read the tags and read them twice

Nothing good, I can tell you that.

I know I talked about being his pet - but really, the term 'pet' is already way too generous. It implies that you’re in some favored position, maybe even loved - and really, you aren’t. You see, Nami is of use to him, is a valuable member of the Arlong Pirates due to her skills - and you? What exactly do you have that could gain you any favors with him?

Nothing. You’ve got nothing but a too-soft body and a broken down spirit. Entirely useless for his endeavors as a pirate - but perfect for kicking, abusing, tormenting and blowing off steam. (And, he finds, you’re actually a nice example - much better than expected, especially when he parades you around in his towns, beaten and eyes utterly empty. When he’s feeling particularly foul, he makes you crawl in front of the villagers just like the World Nobles do. Just to show those little humans what he’s capable of. Nothing better to make them see how weak they are when he can just make you wipe your feet with your own dignity.) What he likes best about you is your fear, your terror - it’s probably what made him take you in the first place, because you becoming his little pet was more of a spontaneous thing, not planned. (He should have made an example out of you but your eyes... The way you cowered in front of him in nothing but raw, visceral fear was delicious back then and still is.) His personal little punching bag and stress relief rolled into one measly fucking human who does as he says because they’ve been scared into submission by his rampages and abuse. Still, I think he didn’t start out as severe as he treats you now - at first, you were shoved into some corner and unsure what to actually do with you, he just made you clean and serve his crew. To wring some measly fucking use out of you. To have some sort of justification for housing you at Arlong Park - because keeping you like this is just a waste of money. But there is a big difference between scrubbing the floor until your knees are raw to ‘earn’ a living and being forced to lick it sparkly clean with a foot on the back of your head - somehow, you end up down there all the same, each day you spent with him and his crew melting away their (already incredibly small) inhibitions as soon they realized no one is going to stop them from doing… just about anything to you. (And that’s one of the worst parts about this, really. That you’re free to anyone, with just a couple of privileges reserved for Arlong. Half of them spit in your face in disgust, the rest are more physical, for better or for worse.) I think he is a big fan of all things utterly degrading, just to put you in your place for the fun of it: addressing you like you’re an animal and not a person, having you crawl around Arlong Park (naked or not - really, that’s up to him), using you as furniture, strangling or pushing your head into his little pool long enough for your legs to give out - you’re so easily overpowered and always surprised when he catches you, it’s such a sight. And of course, you have other uses as well - and he doesn’t give a shit when he makes you vomit by forcing himself down your throat or you tearing when he’s too rough. You’re there for his entertainment only. It’s like someone giving a kid an inflated sword toy to hit their friends with: once he sees how far he can take it, there is no stopping him. His hatred for humans has few exceptions and you don’t fill any of them, not even when you try your best to be well-behaved.

And one day, he’s going to kill you, intentionally or not. Like some threadbare teddy bear, your head is simply going to pop off, played with a little too hard, for too long. Be it some nasty infection you caught from a cut too deep or him holding your head underwater for too long or him simply kicking you too hard in the face - whatever it is, you’ll be wishing it had been the barrel of a gun instead.

#arlong x reader #/arlong #/one piece #tw.dark content #tw.noncon #tw.violence #one piece x reader

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valdarksouls · 17 days ago

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Griffith: A Review (aka Val rants about Berserk again)

In this piece of Berserk analysis, I will be saying a lot of very negative things about Griffith as he is in canon, as a character he is very well written and i like him very much, but as a figure in lore he is a no good bastard man

tw for mention and discussion of rape and sexual assault

also spoilers for all of berserk, just the entire thing

Part 1: Why Griffith is an interesting character

I'm going to start out of the gate with a potentially controversial statement, Griffith changes very little throughout Berserk. This is what makes him so interesting to me, as the largest change he undergoes is not being tortured or born anew as a godhand, but instead meeting Guts as that causes his dream to waver, although that does not fundamentally change the course of his life, as while it may have changed the route, the goal of having a kingdom stays true throughout.

Part 2: Evidence

The most demonstrative character to explore Griffith with is Casca, as there are 4 distinct examples that show how Griffiths perception of and therefore how he treats her.

Example 1: Casca's Devotion

As is seen throughout the golden age arc, Casca is unhealthily obsessed with Griffith and while it would be easy to see him as simply just the object of this, I believe that Griffith would have been incredibly aware of this as someone who is regularly depicted as a master manipulator, as someone who can read people with just a glance, so it would be safe to assume that not only was he complicit in Casca's obsession, he was actively encouraging it to the massive detriment of Casca. In this Griffith does not see Casca as a friend or a follower but as an object that is his to control, which would help explain the jealousy he feels once she stops being under his control and instead becomes an equal to Guts.

Example 2: Jealous Assault

As a broken and tortured Griffith sees Casca embracing Guts, it is reasonable to assume that as he sees Guts as the only one equal to himself that he assumes that Guts is a threat to his control, especially as he has lost control of his own body, so as a last effort to regain control in what would presumably have been his dying days, he flips himself over onto Casca, an act of assault that clearly affects her as well as clearly taking great effort on Griffiths part. This shows how as Griffith loses control, he cannot accept that his position is changing so struggles to maintain the power over Casca he once had as a final attempt to regain control.

Example 3: The Eclipse

I'm going to keep this one brief because it is a deeply uncomfortable topic and also a topic that deserves to be handled with great care.

Griffith's motivation here is the same as in the last section, but as Femto he has the physical power to follow through and complete his goal, as well as forcing Guts to watch as he treats Casca as if she was an object made to serve him. This degradation and humiliation of Casca is based in Griffith's view of her as an object for him to use, not as a person but as a tool.

Example 4: Abduction

After Casca regains her sanity, Griffith comes to Elf Island to abduct her. This shows how as soon as she becomes useful to him, Griffith will once again exert his power over her. He also erases her memory which, although it doesnt work, shows very blatantly his intention to manipulate her

These 4 examples show how Griffith controls Casca not only for use as a tool, but as symbolic of his control of the situation he is in. The only time at which this falters is when Guts interferes with his control.

Part 3: Conclusion

Griffith is a bastard man from his first appearance all the way through to the current final chapter. He manipulates the people that trust him and he has long stopped caring for anyone else.

#i cant enjoy griffguts bcs of how much i hate griffith #either its well written griff so i hate him or a whole different twink who happens to be called griffith #berserk #berserk spoilers #griffith #tw rape #tw sa #also if anyone mentions the rushed conclusion im throwing you to the wolves bcs im tired and headache

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theredofoctober · 1 year ago

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BONUS MANNA CONTENT

Between writing chapters I may drop fragments of 'Little One's diaries regarding her captivity under Will and Hannibal. Chronologically out of order

As of July 2024 this and the other bonus pieces are NOT Canon in Manna. They're unofficial bonus material, early ideas that didn't make it out

Characters: Reader or Little One (OC)/Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

TW: eating disorders, noncon, kidnapping

---

HYPHAE

Dear Diary,

What I write upon your pages are simplicities that my forced fathers cannot in even their most metaphotical wanderings interpret as bile against them: 'I felt pretty lonely today, 'I miss my mom', so juvenile as to be the soft-lobed youth that they would have me be.

It's in my thoughts alone that I pen more elaborate entries, the ones in which my words are the poison I would pour into the ear of either man that holds me over enduring the degradation of their obsessive love.

For I believe that they do love me, now, if only as handfasted couples do the ribbon that braids their hands as one. They love me for how well the wax of me moulds to their projection, my blood and bones and soul remade as the bitch pup to two ravenous dogs.

The more I acknowledge their hunger the more I salivate to cast a bone to their growling want to see them eat it from any floor that I choose, froth-lipped and pathetic in their need to chase the luminous ecstasy of understanding one another through me. Yet they are beginning to see past themselves and into me, now, into my rankled and miserable heart, into the hurt under the hunger, and the girl that needs them.

There was a night I crawled almost willing into Will's lap just to see him stiffen and start, his voice low as he mumbled my name, rigid as a headstone against me as I put my lips to his, taking where he has taken, wanting the same spark of power that he has struck from me with matchlike sureness.

Saliva joined us, in its looped strands; my tongue linked through his in my novice's thievery, and he kissed me back until he remembered my place.

"One," he said, setting me sternly and gently back on my feet again. "No. You know the rules."

With Hannibal, it had been different. I was pressed against the wall before him, having attempted to steal from the pantry again.

"You're bold tonight, little one," he'd murmured, against my ear, and there had been a charge to the words that been different from his patronising cruelty.

I'd felt a woman, for the first time in his presence, and I still don't understand the passion of euphoria that then emerged from that acknowledgement.

God, I hated him more for it, though, seethed even as I ground my body back against him until he chuckled low in his throat, amused by my attempts to seize the reigns of this charging animal that had reared to shatter the frost between us.

"No, little one," he said, an echo of Will, yet in such a dusky and humorous tone that the words were entirely dissimilar to their first invocation in that same room. "You can only play at dominance as a cub claws a lion: the attempt is humorous, yet no power is gained through the act. I advise you to be careful. This feigned courage is an enticing revelation of weakness: you bite when your strength begins to die, but Will and I bite harder."

He crossed my arms at my back by the elbows, seaming himself to me so that his lean chest and hard cock were stern to my sulking recoil.

"What pretty teeth you bare," said Hannibal, stroking my jaw up to the join of my sneering lips. "Still, you cannot steal from me and evade reprimand."

Again I arced my body back into his evident interest, and suddenly his hand was at my throat, throttling me of air as he dragged me upright to the points of my toes. The act required little effort from him; as always, he was calm, only breathing a touch more harshly than before, a short, excited shallow of the chest that agitated me all the more in the knowledge that he liked that I was challenging him.

Till then, I hadn't understood that they wanted me to fight them, he and his lover; I thought they'd sought for assimilated submission, knees spread, tongue flat to take the wafer of their violence. I felt particularly in the amorous tension of Dr Lecter at my arced spine that he enjoyed my stupid struggle, the wriggling of a hunted sow that knows its end is with the butcher.

I stilled, then, refusing him his exhilaration, and he hummed in quiet laughter, twisting me in his grip to kiss my rigid mouth until it opened to his savouring tongue

"Please don't," I whined, between his caresses; he pinned my arms above my head and looked down at me in a near paternal affection.

"You would rather be left alone? Unbesmirched even as you writhe, warm, and burning for a talented hand to beckon you to climax in your quiet bed?"

I knew how easily he could break my body to sugared sunlight with his sensual learning.

Still I resisted him, and he let me free only to announce how I would pay for my rejection.

Diary, something has changed between me and those devils. I understand now how it is that they wage war, and though I am an enemy, there may, at times, be hours of ceasefire between us.

#ao3 writer #manna fic #hannibal fic #yandere hannibal lecter #yandere will graham #tw eating disorders #darkfic writer #reader x #hannibal lecter x reader x will graham

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danvillecheese · 2 years ago

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the general audience versus the rest of us

this analysis is not to degrade anyone outside of or in the fandom, it’s simply to showcase how differently people remember phineas and ferb. there are a number of topics I will delve into, all of which are lovingly put into sections under the cut. so, with no further ado… enjoy!

how normal people watch it

so if you’re like me and watched pnf occasionally on tv growing up you’ll remember bits of the show. you’ll remember it’s repetitive and episodic nature, the way everything goes back to how it was at the start of the day. phineas and ferb think of something to do, candace attempts to bust them, perry fights doofenshmirtz, and doofs machine makes phineas and ferb’s invention disappear, sticking to the status quo of what linda typically sees. it’s predictable, but not in the sense that you necessarily know what’s going to happen. maybe you do, or something happens that subverts your expectations. the “typical phineas and ferb episode structure” (or TPNFES, I’m calling it that now) is how a lot of people who haven’t seen the show in a while will remember it. or maybe not. maybe they remember doof making an inator that does x. or they remember the aglet song (never forget ze aglet!). it’s typically something you’d have seen at least a couple of times during its original run.

and no, of course there’s no problem with only remembering one or two things about a show from your youth. I personally watched a lot of shows as a kid that I don’t remember a thing about. yeah I watched LazyTown when I was like four but if you asked me the plot of any episode I would NOT be able to tell you. and it’s because it wasn’t something I was really interested in. and of course, kids can be interested in shows and know a lot about them and then hit their teen years and not remember much about them later. but if they go back and absorb that content again? they see stuff they missed the first time, or stuff they definitly remember. hell, they might even sing along to A.G.L.E.T. because as everyone knows, pnf lyrics stay with you forever. (even if you haven’t heard the theme song in a decade you won’t forget the lyrics. that shit is hardwired into you from the moment you first see it.)

my point is, a casual viewer doesn’t do anything more than just… watch the show. hell, sometimes they don’t even watch it, they’ll have it on in the background while they’re on their phone or doing something else (couldn’t be me!!). watching the canon content just once gives them the satisfaction of starting and ending the show. they don’t go into detail about it. they probably won’t open an ao3 tab the moment the last episode finishes. they won’t make a tumblr sideblog dedicated to understanding the intricacies of character arcs, their goals and ideals and how they interact with others. they don’t care enough to do that bc it doesn’t make their brain go insane for more knowledge about the show. and as strange as it sounds, they don’t have it on their minds for that long. yeah, maybe theyll think about how nice the songs were in that s4 finale but after that, that’s it. they’ll move onto something else.

how I watched it

I watched phineas and ferb as a kid. I’m pretty sure I watched it when it first aired, too. perhaps not in 2007, it might have been the year after when it actually started premiering (nz airing is so far behind it’s not even funny). I watched it as it aired, and then grew out of it around the middle of s3. I got a little older, started watching different shows, and I was just generally doing other stuff. I have a vivid memory from 2012 when a kid from my class told me that pnf wasn’t worth watching bc the same thing happens every episode and my socially inept ass went “omg ur so right” and I stopped watching it. fast forward a couple of years and I hear that the show is like, actually finally ending. idk why but I remember it being in 2014, not 2015 when it actually did air (the pnf wiki doesn’t have the date for the nz airing of last day of summer so I guess we'll never know if it aired early or not) but I watched it and kinda just carried on with my other interests at the time.

around 2017, I start talking to an internet friend from the same country as me. we talked about our upbringings and stuff we used to watch on tv, and she brings up phineas and ferb. aha! I know that one! it encourages me to rewatch the show and before I know it, I’m shoulder deep. i mention facts about it to real life friends and family (“there’s a pnf episode where…”) and I go hunting for interviews and comic-con panels with the whole cast on youtube. you know how it is. I start going through the posts on tumblr and I find a sibling show of sorts – one that also has a crossover planned for 2018. I watch that show. I lurk in the shadows of the tumblr tag for a while. I start writing fic. I draw the characters on any piece of paper I can get my hands on.

it all comes to a head in october 2018, when I wrote a phinjeet fic called cappuccino, and one of my favourite artists EVER made fanart of it. and obviously, I had to put it somewhere. I’d thought about making a dwampy sideblog for ages and had no idea what to call it or anything, but this was all the encouragement I needed. I made the sideblog. I reblog the art. then I went through my likes and got some of the pnf/mml posts out. fast forward almost five years, and here we are. still just as insane, just with a new username.

in short — no, my experience watching pnf is not one of those typical of a general audience member. I mean, it would have been, if not for that fateful conversation with my internet friend that basically rebooted me and quite literally rewired my brain to be insane about this cartoon universe. I’m not by any means a casual viewer of this show. I know more than an average person would about it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I adore this little community of ours. and being able to crack out of context jokes that come from the shows to older people who I know have never seen it, well, it’s a cherry on top.

both the GA and the fandom contribute to the culture staying alive

there’s certainly a way that the general audience keeps pnf alive, even if they have no idea they’re doing it. they’ll make very generic memes about it (you know the ones I’m talking about) and they’ll circulate the internet for a bit, reminding everyone about the show they watched casually as a kid. us, on the other hand, make very very niche memes about it. like hieroglyphics. and combovers. (see what I did there?) ours tend to stay in our little circulation, minus the ones that break containment. you get it in any fandom though, it’s certainly not limited to us.

as many times as you’ll see the posts that attempt to explain the ‘doof is phineas dad theory’, you’ll see just as many responses debunking it. or seeing dan and swampy debunk it, as they should. (honestly I think we need like crystal fucking clear evidence in the reboot to explain it otherwise it’s just gonna keep happening.)

the circulation of phineas and ferb itself through any means, be it memes or actual conversation that prompts a rewatch or even just a memory of the show, keeps the show relevant. I think one of the more notable ways this has happened is dan povenmire getting tiktok famous and basically reminding every older gen z kid about the show. to quote jeff swampy marsh – “plus there’s always reruns so the show will never die” – sure, disney channel itself barely exists anymore but reruns can also kinda be translated into disney+ rewatches or even just the passage of a meme on the internet.

phineas and ferb has stayed, somewhat, consistently relevant. I mean, think about it. since pnf started airing, there hasn’t been a year (except for 2021) where nothing has happened. pnf aired from 2007-2015, milo murphy’s law aired from 2016-2019 (which includes phineas and ferb characters so I count it as pnf content) and catu came out in 2020. dan’s own show hamster and gretel started airing in 2022, and based on the poster, I don’t think we’ll be missing any phineas and ferb characters at all. dan basically confirmed it. and truly, it’s what keeps the show alive, even when it’s not really there.

things in the show that the ga have very different opinions on, re:

candace and jeremy’s relationship

something the general audience haven’t caught up with yet is the way that candace and jeremy interact within the show. sure, if you haven’t watched it since you were 10 then you probably remember candace being like insane and loud about the boy she’s obsessed with. if you watch it again, you’ll see that jeremy is almost just as bad. it’s just downplayed because he’s not a main character. we don’t see his perspective NEARLY as much as we see candace’s, which might make it seem a bit more one sided or unrequited than it actually is.

in the episode “backyard aquarium” from early s2, we’re shown a montage of both candace and jeremy trying to ring each other for a whole day, until candace goes to bust her brothers and forgets about her phone for a little moment. this gives jeremy time to leave eleven messages for her. obsessed much? (it’s actually kinda sweet) and yeah, they’re teenagers. every feeling seems way more amplified than it actually is so both of them getting upset that they cant contact each other is pretty realistic, even if it is just played for laughs.

there’s a lot of really thorough characterisation when it comes to both of them. mostly with candace, obviously, she is THEE main character of the show so clearly she’s deep and very fleshed out. we don’t see it as much with jeremy but we get pretty good glimpses of it when it’s shown. he’s got the picture of her from “the bully code” in his guitar case. he likes her so much! he put her picture in the place he keeps one of his favourite things!! he’s down so bad for her! but of course, if you don’t actually pay attention or care especially about any of that stuff, you’re going to miss it and generalise about it. and it unfortunately applies to quite a few things in the show. sigh.

doof’s relationship with his parents

for real, fuck those guys. I think the ga are pretty aware of this part, and if you asked anyone to say what one of doofs backstories are they’d probably say “his parents didn’t show up for his birth!” or “he was a lawn gnome!”. both of which are specifically tied to his abhorrent relationship with his parents. but what they potentially don’t remember is how he still tries to gain their affections anyways. it’s the classic trope of not being able to cut off your abusers simply because you just can’t, morally. you still want to prove yourself to them and make them see you’re worth having around even if they never liked you in the first place. heinz tries very hard both in his youth and in the show itself to gain affection from both his mother and father. these include:

the teddy bear and trying to be good at kickball (thaddeus and thor)

the original gnome (fathers day)

even the fucking clip show episode from the end of season 3 (this is your backstory) where his mother comes back and he goes in for a hug and is instead greeted with a smack. hmm.

even just those examples are enough evidence that yes, heinz did actually really try with his parents even if they didn’t care. and again, it’s unfortunately played for laughs that heinz is constantly beaten down by almost everything around him but as we know, he gets a real family at the end of the show and things seem to work out well for him. does he get closure with both of his parents by the end of s4? maybe not his mother, but sort of with his dad. and yeah, maybe they’ll get into that in the reboot. but it’s definitely something the ga never noticed. it’s always about laughing at his tragic backstories, even if that is the point of them, not necessarily feeling bad for him and wanting to see him come full circle with everything that’s happened to him. and it does!

isabella and her one (1) personality trait

according to the ga, isabella garcia-shapiro is a one dimensional character who’s only personality trait is having tunnel vision heart eyes for the boy across the street. is your blood boiling yet? mine is! isabella is one of the most fleshed out characters in the show, with a large family and interests outside of phineas. hell, she’s the leader of her fireside girls troop which is a huge part of her personality. she’s brave and strong and gives ominous patch related threats to a man almost five times her age. but no, the general audience will only ever see isabella as the girl obsessed with phineas. I’m not discrediting this at all because yes, she’s obsessed with him. she’s a simp. definitely nothing wrong with that at all! but the ga claiming that it’s her only personality trait? get fucking REAL this girl is deep and gets upset and anxious and emotional about things that have nothing to do with the boy she’s in love with. even if it does have something to do with that, she carries on anyway because she’s strong as hell. it’s not the first time a character has been like that on disney channel — I mean, kim possible was pretty boy crazy but her crime fighting always came first, right? (really showing my age with that reference. wow) and I hate to reference act your age bc it’s vile but she doesn’t only ever spend her time moping over phineas as a teenager, she keeps herself busy and helps her mom at the restaurant and is an RA at her college and does a whole heap of other things! she’s multifaceted and it’s what makes her a really compelling character to watch. and watering her down into just the girl who likes phineas is a huge discredit to her character.

so, where am I going with this?

I’m not saying ever general audience member has to rewatch phineas and ferb a million times to understand every single character arc. hell, I’m not even saying that they have to rewatch it at all. there’s such a huge divide when it comes to it, and obviously not everyone is going to experience everything the same way. a lot of people simply don’t care enough to crack open the psyche of every phineas and ferb character to understand their motivations. that’s just the freaks (affectionate) who roam on tumblr, eager for media analysis of a childrens cartoon that ended almost a decade ago.

for a lot of us, it’s very satisfying to be able to analyse specific media. there’s writers and storyboard artists that put all that stuff in the show for a reason, right? it makes us want to see parallels and understand where a characters moral alignment sits and why exactly buford speaks latin. and for others, they’ll simply watch a show and move on. there’s no need for them for it to be on their brain 24/7.

overall, there’s a stark difference in the way people watch a show as iconic and culturally significant as phineas and ferb. the general audience watches it very differently to us, and that’s okay! it happens with any piece of media. there’s casual fans that watch something once and then the very not casual fans who have it on the brain constantly. and then there’s fans that have been very absorbed in the fandom and move on, which again, you’ll get anywhere. nothing about the dwampyverse fandom is limited to us, in terms of the way things go (not the source media itself. name one other show that has anything REMOTELY similar to pnf happen in it.) most people know the show, and most people don’t know about the insane and obscure facts about it, and I think it’s fantastic.

goodnight tri-state area. thank you.

#phineas and ferb #cj writes unecessary analysis abt a show that ended almost a decade ago. nothing new here #in my insane era (again)#dwampyverse analysis

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