#i can post this without fear now that I graduated

[whatevergoes287]

Quotes From My School Pt. 15

“I’m a simple girl. You give me lesbians, I give you life.” 

[weirdmageddon]

i was thinking about this since i posted earlier about us needing to address the trend of gen z men being pulled into alt-right pipelines might have contributed to the outcome of this election.

i think contrapoints is really smart, and from what i’ve seen, has been way more effective at getting people out of harmful ideological pipelines than i’ve seen from the majority of leftists online who instead berate and drive a greater wedge of antipathy (though i understand why! and it can be very hard to have empathy for the people who see you as a threat). that antipathy makes the right more radicalized because they don’t feel like they can talk about anything without the “crazy lefties” who won’t even engage with them. where did these issues come from?

what i’ve noticed, and i’m even guilty of this, is that people don’t interact with groups of people whom they refuse talk to, which makes realities more hypothetical in the minds of their opponent since they aren’t open to seeing reality from their perspective. this is true on both sides. from what i’ve observed, it seems to originate from hypothetical perception of the opponent, but when people treat those perceptions as though they are real, it becomes real with their actions, which then makes the antipathy justified to someone. again, on both sides.

what makes contrapoints so successful at breaking this down is that is that she creates these socratic dialogue skits that represent real people and ideologies, has a sense of humor, isn’t afraid to discuss these things, reframes how we see these things by introducing nuance to both sides. she’s a leftist, but she also knows how to engage without ripening division, of meeting someone halfway and being completely humble about it. she is able to soften extremes.

she is able to get into the mind of people who aren’t aligned with her views, understand the nuance and rationales from a realistic perspective, breaking down a big block of “this is all bad” into “ok, some of this makes sense…”, what this does is create a space for self-reflection that doesn’t feel ham-fisted (which could otherwise cause people to double down on their beliefs instead of opening up to other perspectives outside of their bubble). while also being entertaining and well-produced on top of it.

what she is doing is creating these scenarios and socratic discussions that SHOULD be happening in real life but aren’t in this polarized social climate.

i graduated from new college of florida this spring, the small liberal arts college that was in headlines across the country for ron desantis’s board of trustees hostile takeover and exodus of professors.

new students and student athletes from conservative walks of life were being basically incentivized to go there who were taught to fear the lgbt boogeyman growing up in their conservative communities. but once they actually interacted with lgbt students there, many of them they felt like they understood them, and they weren’t as bad as they were told they would be. new college of florida was also famous for getting derek black (child of the man who created stormfront, and godchild of the kkk grand wizard david duke) out of white nationalism. their peers at NCF called them out but also interacted with them, invited them to dinner. black wrote a book about it.

now of course some people are too far gone and you shouldn’t waste your time with them, like derek’s family for example. but i also think a lot of people who voted for trump are not informed, are operating off of emotion and knee-jerk mentality because it’s easier than thinking, and they are not seeing the discussions that need to be had to change their mind because fuckin…nobody is doing them.

and we feel this visceral disgust to people of the opposing party because of its associations. i just want to know how it happened and how we got to be like this. i think social media is partly to blame and also the algorithms that take people down dangerous pipelines and sharpen them, insulate them.

i myself understand the vitriol you might have for anyone that voted for trump. i feel so disappointed that half the people of this country voted against our collective benefit. and i’ve seen a lot of sentiment from the left today saying “every single person who voted for trump is dead to me. i disowned you”.

you can see the reality of trump’s demagoguery, and it’s so obvious, but what i want to know is: what do they see? why did they vote for him? emotion and entertainment travel faster and have more reach than reason. and it’s that’s why i think contrapoints’s videos are exemplary at tackling this ideological divide. this is something i’ve been thinking about for months before today and i thought now was a better time than ever to give my two cents on it.

[butchkaramazov]

The RG Kar Incident: DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES TO RAPE

I’m unsure of how many non-Indians or even non-Bengalis know of this. Regardless of whether you do or do not, I would request you to reblog this post & share awareness about this. DON'T LET INJUSTICE GO UNPUNISHED.

On August 9, 2024, the body of 31-year-old post-graduate medical trainee, Dr. Moumita Debnath, was found partially naked in the seminar room of RG Kar, a hospital in Kolkata. She had just finished working a 36-hour night shift before this and, out of exhaustion, had fallen asleep while studying in the nearest seminar room on the fourth floor of the hospital.

Her family was informed beforehand that she had committed suicide, to which her mother emphasized on the fact that her daughter could never carry out such an act. On further investigation, it was found that Dr. Debnath had been raped and murdered in her sleep.

According to the Deccan Herald,

“There was bleeding from both her eyes and mouth, injuries over the face and nail. The victim was also bleeding from her private parts. She also has injuries in her belly, left leg… neck, in her right hand, ring finger and… lips. [...] “Her neck bone was also found broken. It seems that she was first strangulated and then smothered to death.��

According to Medical Dialogues,

“There were multiple hairs on the mattress and blood was soaked on the blue mattress [...]”

Later, it was found that Dr. Debnath’s glasses were shattered and her eyes were pierced with the shards of her glasses themselves.

Although one of the criminals (Sanjoy Roy) has been arrested, I am certain that there are others involved. In fact, it has been found that Sanjoy Roy, despite being an outsider, was granted access to PG Kar via personal relations with senior police officers.

The chief minister of West Bengal (despite being a woman herself) as well as members other political parties are trying, behind the scenes, to let this case fade away. Why? Oh right, it's really the privileged, upper class & upper caste sons and brothers of ministers who are behind this! No major crime can happen in a country without there being the hand of one or more influential persons, often politically involved.

Sisters and brothers, দিদিরা ও দাদারা, it would be a sin to remain silent in the face of such a crime. Our brave brothers & sisters pursuing medical practise have ceased working in their hospitals to protest against this grave crime against women, against humanity. We cannot let this injustice go unpunished! A crime against a single woman is a crime against all of us! We were born from a woman, raised by a woman—and now, when we see the honour, dignity and life of women at stake, won’t we join the andolan? Won’t we fight for what is right?

Requesting all Kolkata residents (who can) to join in at least any one of the protests mentioned below. There are provisions for elderly & disabled people. Men are invited to join us as well.

For those who want to join the Reclaim the Night protest at 11:55 p.m., please refer to this list of contact numbers (according to your region) provided by Miru Didi ( @arachneofthoughts )

Take hold of the night! We have always been told to stay wary of nighttime and the dangers, manifested in the form of cruel men, we may face. Not anymore—we must reclaim the night! How much fear is fear enough? If anyone wants to know further details and the phone numbers regarding this first event, please DM me.

Blowing the conch has always been a signal of strength. In traditional Bengali culture, it is almost always the women who blow the conch, be it in Durga Puja or the everyday pujas carried out at home. It was, and always will remain a sign of victory over evil. At 11:55 p.m., all those who cannot join the midnight assembly (the aforementioned event) can, instead, blow the conch from their own houses! Let them know you're not afraid. Let them know you've had enough. Let them know that once a revolution starts, especially one spearheaded by women, takes a long, long time to end.

[Please Note: These protests are not personally organised by me. I simply am in touch and will be attending the protest tonight.]

If you can, please do take the time to sign this petition below (courtesy of Miru Didi @arachneofthoughts) to aid our efforts:

If nothing, please do take the time to share and reblog this post wherever you can! DON'T LET RAPE GO UNPUNISHED!

[pomefioredove]

who they fall for, heartslabyul

I did a longer one of these for rook and now I can't get the idea out of my head, so... series! (part 1/8)

summary: soulmates type of post: blurbs characters: deuce, ace, cater, trey, riddle additional info: romantic, not proofread so maybe ooc, gender neutral partner, really just thoughts

𝐃𝐞𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐝𝐞

trope: dorks in love

Deuce ends up with someone who, most of all, challenges him. they put him at ease, and there's a definite shared gentleness between the two, but it's his partner's subtle rebellious streak that wins him over (though they definitely know when to tone it down). puppy love that turns into something deeper. they accept him as he is, flaws and all, and they support him in his growth towards becoming a better person. fiercely loyal. they and Deuce would constantly be fighting to be the "chivalrous" one. taking turns telling the waiter the other asked for no pickles, running to hold doors open, etc. it's cute, but a little competitive, just enough to motivate him.

𝐀𝐜𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐚

trope: tsundere

his soulmate? someone who can take a joke. no, no, I'm kidding, but they would have a wicked sense of humor, one that compliments his perfectly. and an adorable laugh, of course, snorts and all. someone who can feed his ego without overdoing it, keeping him wrapped around their little finger (trust me, he loves it). a little mutual teasing never hurt anyone, right? at the same time, though, they'd be completely devoted, loyal, and loving, just like he is. he brags about being a ladies man, though, really, he's almost completely closed off when it comes to matters of the heart. it takes a lot of patience (and a lot of putting up with his shenanigans) before those walls start coming down to reveal the romantic hidden behind them.

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐝

trope: slowburn

similar to friends to lovers, but of a different flavor. Cater is subtly flirty with almost everyone, it's the people-pleasing, but a soulmate? yeah, he'll believe it when he sees it! of course, he's completely blind to what he's needed all along being right in front of him. someone who listens to him, who cares deeply about his feelings, who can read his body language and know just what he's thinking. someone he feels comfortable around without feeling the need to hide himself. a bestie, if you will. he's absolutely the first to catch feelings and drives himself mad about it, not daring to make a move out of a fear of vulnerability (or being a weirdo, take your pick) and it devolves into months, years worth of cringe pining. "looking at the pictures they'd taken together and giggling" pining.

𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐲 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫

trope: weirdos in love

thought it was gonna be domestic bliss? nope. I'm saving that one. Trey isn't quite ready to settle down yet, having spent his whole life taking care of others (to the point where he hasn't had a moment to figure out who he is...) and so he's put a hold on the whole "romance" thing. of course, the last thing he was expecting after graduation was to bump into someone that would throw that plan out the window. truly, his soulmate is someone he feels he can be himself with, who gives him the ability to relax and be the one who gets pampered, for once... it's a very equal and loving relationship with a like-minded and responsible person. one who goes along with all his bits, too.

𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

trope: opposites attract

oof the ouch. no, Riddle is not ready for the ups and downs of a relationship, and he knows that. he's always chalked up his disinterest in romance to his studies, and his utter disinterest in taking anyone home to meet his mother's highly specific future-in-law criteria. though, secretly, Riddle has held onto his own little list of "perfect" traits, almost going as far to fantasize about an imaginary partner to keep him company. the person he does end up falling for makes that list null and void. they're daring, adventurous, creative, curious, open to all sorts of nonsensical ideas that challenge all of Riddle's. they represent a sort of freedom that he's never had, and before he can even hate them, he finds himself falling. but someone like that could never tie themselves down to someone like him... right?

[ros3ybabe]

Re-Introduction 🎀

Hello!!! With the start of the school year coming soon for me, I decided I'd reintroduce myself, as this is my main blog and I typically use it as a studyblr-type of blog because it helps keep me going towards my goals! Of course i still post about my physical health, mental health, and daily life, but when college/university is in session, my life typically revolves around school!

🎀 A Little About Me 🎀

you guys can call me Rosey 🌹

I am 21 years old, she/her

I am entering my 4th year of college/uni BUT I recently added a 2nd major so I don't graduate for another year/year and a half ish

I am majoring in Human Nutrition and Dietetics, 2nd major in Finance, and a double minor in Psychology and Exercise Science

I love learning so so so much, as you can tell

I study languages in my free time

^ Currently rotating between (Mexican) Spanish, Japanese, and Korean

I love all things health, fitness, and wellness

I love to work out! My favorite ways to work out right now are weight lifting, walking, mat pilates, and yoga! My university offers workout classes for free to full time students so I'll be taking yoga/pilates classes at my campus!

I do work a full-time, on-campus food service job. 40 hours of work a week, and 15 college credit hours this semester 😅

I love to read, write, listen to music, and want to pick up more hobbies such as sewing, dance, crochet, drawing, painting, etc

This account started out as a "wonyoungism" account and slowly turned into my own little safe space where I am free to be myself without fear of judgment. Of course my aesethic is still pink and wonyoungism ish but I do fully plan on turning this into a more studyblr type of account using my own photos once university starts back up! So stay tuned for that little transition!

I'm always open to questions and I love giving advice and helping others! Whether it's something academic related, personal goal related, whatever, I'm always here to help if I can! <3 I love this little community i have <3

I've said so much already, lol, my bad. I'm just so excited for this upcoming semester. I don't know what it is about it, but I have such a feeling this will be a good school year for me! Feel free to drop an ask, or a comment, or anything! I will be making more posts of more academic related topics soon!

til next time lovelies 🩷

[ox1-lovesick]

✶ ─── TOMORROW X TOGETHER AND WHEN YOU LOOK MOST BEAUTIFUL TO THEM

pairing(s). txt x gn reader genre fluff warnings. none(?) wc. 100-200 each

type. headcannon , reaction

a/n. guess who wrote something *everyone applaud* please enjoy this I forced myself to write it because I haven't posted anything since queen elizabeth graduated high school 🥰

★ YEONJUN could already stare at you for hours on end — you always looked so effortlessly beautiful in his eyes, they can't help but wander back to take you in every now and then. You're the prettiest thing he's ever seen, but there's something different about you right now. About your furrowed eyebrows and small pout, about your fleeting gaze, stuck between your laptop screen and notebook as you read over the problem for the nth time hoping it will all magically make sense soon. You look outrageously adorable to him right now, laser focused on solving this equation of letters and numbers so you can move onto your next set of notes. He'd pull out a chair and sit next to you every time, resting his head against the palm of his hand as he watched while you busied yourself with whatever you needed to get done. Sometimes he'd sit and stare in silence, others he'd fondly brush the stray strands of hair away from your eyes so you don't have to, but every time without fail, his eyes would be trained on nothing but you.

★ SOOBIN loved taking care of his skin. It felt like a checkmark in his day, the last task at hand before he could melt into his bed and forget his worries until morning. He instantly felt lighter after taking all his make-up off and gently applying his moisturiser, but doing it with his favourite person makes just that much better. He especially loves when he doesn't have the energy to do it himself, leaving you to do it for him. Fingers gently tapping the products into skin with care, with the occasional kiss on his nose, but what he loves most of all is the sight of you, bare faced and sleepy. Some days he'd feign exhaustion just to stare into your eyes and hold your waist while you massage serum into his skin. He loves you no matter how you look of course, you're always beautiful to him. But being barefaced with each other is intimate, especially when he has to look his best everyday

★ BEOMGYU was never fearful about the sun exploding in 70 something million years, why would he be when he had the replacement right in his arms. Your smile was more than enough to sustain life and light up the solar system. His theory may not be scientifically correct, but in his eyes, it was simply the truth. What a heinous crime it is that you don't own multiple peace prizes for this sight alone—it never failed to make his heart beat out of his chest every time you graced him with its presence. He gets teased to no end by the guys for being horrendously down bad and staring at you with 'goo goo' eyes whenever your lips curl upwards, but how could he help himself? He's sick in the head, mind stuffed full of you and that pretty smile. It's his kryptonite, his one and only weakness, and no one knew it better than you after walking home hand in hand with your brand new jigglypuff plushie and -62837 won in Beomgyu's wallet.

★ TAEHYUN was so weak for things like this. Even under all those muscles he spends hours perfecting at the gym, he's rendered completely and utterly powerless. Weak for holding you closer, weak for pressing a kiss to your forehead, weak for you nuzzling your head further into his chest, weak for falling asleep with the person he adores more than anything next to him, safe and sound in his arms. He always fell asleep much later than you, because he has no self control and can't help but stare. Ever since he'd met you, he's become a morning person. Not because he enjoys starting his day early to be more productive (or to spend another 86 years in the gym) but because he gets to wake up like this. Your limbs tangled in each other, soft breaths against his neck, covered in the warmth of his duvet and comfort of each other. And if you'd allow him to, he'd spend every morning like this for the rest of his life, and die a happy man.

★ HUENINGKAI is a fan-favourite. And while his band mates make it well known who their favourite maknae is, for the sake of their feelings he tells them he loves them all equally, and keeps his favourite a secret. A secret from everyone but you, who just so happens to be said favourite. And his favourite sight on his favourite person? The face you made when he revealed his secret to you. The way your eyes widened, the knowing smile that crept its way onto your face, your nose scrunching in delight, if he could have that moment tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, he'd probably forget what the world looks like from having his eyes closed all the time. He loves this look on you, how excited you get when talking about the drama going on with your classmates or your masterplan to take over the world. Your eyes twinkling and hands flying all over the show because your emotions are just too strong to keep them confined. It might just be his favourite sight of all time, and while he's itching to screech about how adorable you are, he'll keep it his little secret for now

★ OX1-LOVESICK all rights reserved. do not copy, distribute, translate, alter or repost my work without my explicit permission.

[apathetic-revenant]

uh...hi?

[head pokes around corner]

so...

I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)

but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.

but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.

here's what happened:

in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.

no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.

tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.

now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.

anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.

I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.

it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.

but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.

OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.

but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."

well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.

but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.

I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.

[hermetiqa]

What advice do you need for your current situation?

Daily Message: 21.08.24

Reminder: it doesn't matter if you saw this reading a day or a week or a month or a year after posting this. My readings are timeless. You'll see this when you're meant to see this and receive your message.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS | TIP JAR | FEEDBACK | MASTERLIST

I'm offering my paid readings so I can save some money for my tuition fees this year, as well as for my checkups (for health problems). Any tips in my Ko-fi would be a huge help for me and would be highly appreciated.

Pile 1

I'm getting some student energy from you here, Pile 1. It's either you're a graduating student or you already graduated. You're thinking and planning to move out of your house/parents' house with someone here, I'm hearing a friend or someone you're in a relationship with. You're planning to move out with them and rent a place together, specifically an apartment. You've been thinking about this a lot and you're willing to take the risk on this one. But I'm getting that you should be patient with this and don't rush it. I'm hearing that you want to start anew here because you might have some bad relationship with your parents and family, and you will, just take things slow and don't act on impulse. Ask for some help from people who were in the same situation as you and now they're happy and stable with their own lives. Make them your inspiration.

Pile 2

So you're thinking of walking away from your relationship. You might have had some conflicts or arguments and for you, it's not working out anymore. This person might be apologizing to you now but you chose to take a break for a while, have a cool off, and reassess the relationship. I can see that you're reassessing this relationship and you're thinking that maybe it really just won't work out, but you still might be hopeful about this. You're trying to heal from all the pain that this person had caused you in this relationship. And now, after reassessing for a while, you're thinking that perhaps it's best if you break up with them. And I'm getting that yes, it is. It's starting to get toxic and unhealthy, it's not good for your well-being. So it's time to start anew on your own. You don't need them in your life anyway. You might still be in some kind of in denial stage, you might be trying to convince yourself that this will still work out, but it won't anymore. You took some break from this relationship to see things clearly, and now you shouldn't gaslight yourself for something that will not happen. Take some time to look back in your life without this person and think how happy you were without them. Go on, start anew without them and heal yourself from what you've been through in this relationship. Don't let this person manipulate you and convince you to give them another chance and they say that they'll change because with all the chances you had given them, they didn't change. This time won't be any different.

Pile 3

You're anxious about the school year coming up. It's so near and this is making you anxious. You might be a transferee student and you're scared that you might not do well in your new school/university, perhaps you're a freshman. Either way, I'm getting that you need to do some advance study now. Set your hobbies aside for a while and include studying in your daily schedule and routine. You're scared that the teachers/professors won't recognize your efforts this year and you need to protect yourself from this feeling. Don't let this fear take over and control the way you manage your day-to-day life. Don't let it hold you back from actually improving and doing your best because you're thinking that it might not be enough. You've already went through a lot here, especially when it comes to your studies, you already learned a lot and you're even done with all the school drama. Now, it's time to get yourself and your life together, welcome this school year with passion and be interested in what you have to learn this year.

[gerec]

any fics which charles has the same vibe as Our House, In The Middle Of Our Street or Paper Monsters, aka fics in which Charles embarrasses himself due to the big crush he has for Erik.

Guys I have one more ask to answer after this one and then I'm officially taking a short break on answering rec posts. But I plan to pin a master post on my blog of the stuff I get asked most frequently for easy reference. Stay tuned and happy reading!!!

-------

Hi Anon, I believe the hilarious/charming fics on this list mostly fit the bill :D

best-laid plans by ikeracity

Charles decides that the best way to confess his feelings to his best friend is to surprise Erik at his apartment, naked, wearing nothing but a bow. It's perhaps one of Charles's worst ideas--or his best.

Order Up by ikeracity

Charles has a terrible habit of multitasking, and that is probably why he absentmindedly tells the pizza man that he loves him when hanging up.

Then the pizza man says it back. And Charles is pretty much smitten from there.

Favorite Mistake by endingthemes

Charles Xavier doesn’t think anything of it when he sneaks out without even saying goodbye to his latest one-night stand. What he doesn’t expect is to walk into his new position in the Xavier Industries marketing department and find that his latest hook-up is now his new boss.

erikhotfacelehnsherr by ikeracity

Charles has an embarrassing wifi password. When the subject of said embarrassing wifi password comes over, things get a little awkward.

going up? by annejumps

Charles encounters a hot man in the elevator. Charles assumes he doesn't understand English. Charles might be wrong.

Never Assume (Remix of going up?) by Fullmetalcarer

Charles fixates on a devastingly attractive lizard person who shares his turbo-lift and makes certain assumptions about their linguistic skills . . .

come as you are by scarlettblush

Hospital AU. The one where Charles unknowingly woos a coma patient with Pride and Prejudice. Years later, they meet again.

What Doesn't Kill You (Tactics and Strategy Remix) by pearl_o (don't forget to read the original!)

Charles is a graduate student with a crush on the professor he's TA-ing for and a side job at a strip club. Thankfully, his little sister is always full of helpful advice.

Smoke and Mirrors by dreamweavers

When newly paralysed Charles meets Erik in a coffee shop, a fit of nerves prompts him to project himself standing without need of his wheelchair. It all backfires when Erik asks him out on a date, forcing Charles to deepen his lies and, ultimately, face his fears.

Warning: Emergency Pull Tab by ikeracity

Knocking a guy over with an inflatable pool and nearly giving him a concussion is probably not the best flirting technique in the world, but if there's anyone who can pull it off, it's Charles.

Is it Erik with a C or a K? by ikeracity, kageillusionz

When Charles sexts his boss instead of his latest squeeze during one late night of report writing, the first thing he expects is a sexual harassment law suit and the last thing is Mr. Lehnsherr actually fucking him hard into his desk.

Infamous Ink by ConsultingWriter 

Charles has an embarrassing tattoo and a date with the no-nonsense, always professional, and terribly handsome Erik Lehnsherr.

The Wurst Case Scenario by sareyen

If anyone asked why Charles, come rain, wind or shine, made the significant trek during his dismal lunch hour to dine at "Edie's Kosher Delicatessen", he would stubbornly say that it was because their pastrami on rye and potato knishes were absolutely to die for. He wasn't completely lying, because the deli's namesake, Edie Lehnsherr, made the best matzah ball soup Charles has ever had in his life. Still, Charles would rather shave his full head of hair off than admit that the real reason he would willingly walk through hail and fire to get to the corner deli was because of Erik, the insanely attractive man working the counter.

[pinchinschlimbah]

On "Coming Out" and Noel Fielding

I mentioned forever ago that I had this post in mind and then never got around to it, but now with the new interview quote I was yelling about recently it feels like a particularly good time to get it out of my brain and onto the page! tl;dr: musings on the concept of "coming out" as it has evolved over time, whether it's something that should continue to be necessary or expected of queer people, and why Noel is particularly inspirational to me in that regard since this is, after all, my brainrot blog. This may be extremely long and a bit disjointed but I hope some of y'all will enjoy it!

So a while ago myself and several friends were discussing the concept of coming out. All of us are some flavor of queer both in gender and orientation, but each is in a different place along their self discovery and identity journey, with some being long since out and proud, and others just starting to dip their toes into exploration past the expected cishet.

This discussion actually was prompted by a different discussion about Noel, spurred by comments we'd come across slamming him as being homophobic/transphobic on Bakeoff for making comments suggesting he has romantic or sexual attraction towards Paul, referring to himself with female-centric terms, playing female characters in the skits, and a particular moment where he brings up Old Gregg while talking to KimJoy and says "he was a sea transsexual....quite a demanding role for me" while laughing to indicate that that last part was said in jest. Hey fellas, is it homophobic/transphobic to be a little bit gay and trans? This got us talking about how the current culture of queer identity has evolved to the point where "coming out" feels more like something the public feels they're owed in order for them to view one's expression as valid, rather than its original purpose as something one does for themself in order to live most authentically. I don't think I need to go into detail about how many artists have been harassed by their "fans" into coming out before they were ready because people wouldn't accept the validity of that person's work without knowing exactly how that person identified, there've been plenty of articles and video essays and better written tumblr posts about that, but it's definitely a concerning trend. It can be particularly dangerous when it comes to people who aren't feeling confident or safe enough to come out, who end up being criticized and shunned by the queer community as being somehow problematic for not being able to fully articulate to a group of strangers the ways in which they're experiencing their identity. In this situation, the people who are struggling the most end up with the least support. Forcing people to either declare an identity or get out just leads to more people staying closeted out of fear of doing it "wrong" and never getting the chance to explore the most authentic and joyful versions of themselves, or even worse, feeling the need to out themselves before they're in a safe place to do so and suffering the resulting consequences. Questioning or cautious people deserve space in the community to experiment even if they haven't yet or maybe never will come out! My high school's Gay Straight Alliance was comprised entirely of "straight allies" when I was there. There was not a single "out" person in the school at the time. Nearly all of us in the GSA ended up being some flavor of queer or trans years later after graduation. But whether it was intentional closeting or just feeling an innate affinity towards something we couldn't quite pinpoint at the time, we all knew we belonged there and made that space for ourselves and others like us. Back when "coming out" first became a concept in the public consciousness, it was during a time where cishet identity was not just considered the default, but the only option. By coming out, queer people were giving genuinely revolutionary representation for themselves and others like them by telling the world that, as the old saying goes, we're here, we're queer, get used to it! Nowadays, we're lucky to live in a culture that is much more cognizant of queer identities being a thing, so in many cases coming out has become less about having to explain to those around you the basic concept of queerness existing, and moreso about which specific identity you fall under, and that's where things get messy.

My friends and I shared our own thoughts and experiences. One is currently identifying as "unlabeled" because they haven't found a term that feels correct yet, and therefore hasn't come out because they wouldn't know what to say. One spoke about how when they first came out they were much more insistent on what terms or pronouns people used for them but as time has gone on they've grown to find joy in being inscrutable and letting others wonder what they're perceiving. One expressed that given the state of the world they've been retreating somewhat back into the closet for safety reasons rather than being super outward with their queerness like they used to and is working on learning to embrace those parts of themself again. One said they felt like they'd already been existing as queer and expressing that queerness "before I even had the terms to come out to myself" and is now working on catching up on the conscious end of figuring out what's what. I myself never really had an official "coming out", I just became increasingly visually/socially/vocally queer as I became more and more confident in who I was and what I wanted to be and who I had on some level always been, and decided if people didn't get the hint that's their own problem. I came into consciousness of my queerness during the early 2010s original tumblr MOGAI microlabel boom, where there was a ton of focus on figuring out the hyper specific identity labels that exactly described what you were experiencing. I did a lot of digging and soul searching and experienced a lot of unnecessary stress trying and failing to find my perfect labels and landed on clumsy terms like "full time drag queen" because it was the closest I could get to what I was feeling about my gender, only to be told it was problematic for me to call myself that as an AFAB person because drag "belongs to cis gay men" (don't get me started on that statement, that's a whole other essay lol) It was a real wake up call once I distanced from these aggressively labeled and segmented online spaces and made my way into real world queer communities where I was relieved to find that in fact no one there asks to check your membership card before letting you in, if you feel like you belong there you're welcome no questions asked.

I had other people in these communities referring to me as "queer" and "fag" and "gay" and "queen" before I felt comfortable doing so myself based on online Discourse I'd experienced over who is Allowed to use certain terms, and having these community leaders I respected recognizing those things in me and welcoming me in like that gave me the confidence to really find my own footing in ways that attempting to find my exact correct identity label so that I could officially proclaim it never did. Once I could answer the question of what I was with a shrug and "queer I guess!" things became so much easier. Microlabels can be incredibly helpful and liberating for some, don't get me wrong if it works for you that's great, but let's not pretend that everyone is going to have the same experiences.

So anyway, back to Noel. Noel has never, to my knowledge, ever had any sort of official “coming out” or explicitly referred to himself as queer. So I know there are people out there who will disagree with me considering him to be queer. But so much of what he’s said and done throughout his several decades long career has indicated to me that this is clearly someone of queer experience navigating the world as such, and just as the queers in my local community welcomed me as one of them before I knew to do it myself, I extend that welcome forward. 

Let’s take a look at some of the facts. In the public span of his career, Noel has.....(in no particular order, also if anyone wants to add additional instances of note in the reblogs or comments please feel free, this is by no means a fully comprehensive list) -repeatedly called himself "the woman of the Boosh" or Julian's/Howard's "wife" in ways that suggest that's how he actually felt about it rather than it just being a punchline that he was mistaken for female in the show [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] -referred to himself at the GQ "Man of the Year" awards as "never been a man" and "a sort of girl, he/she" -been referred to by Sandi Toksvig as being "on the cusp" in regards to gender, to which he reacts with amusement and acceptance -consistently expressed excitement and appreciation when others refer to him with feminine terms or say he looks like a girl [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] -said "I love being a man-woman, it's much more interesting than being one or the other" and expressed that the loved shooting the Boosh Electro episode for this reason -referred to Vince Noir (a character who he's been pretty open about being based on himself) as "wasn't seemingly one gender or the other" -expressed that he felt most free and happy when presenting femininely [2] -had Julian, one of the people closest to him, express that Noel and Sandi (an out lesbian) may have "real sexual chemistry" because Noel is "all over the shop, he's a different sex" -used the "Confuser" line of "Is it a boy? Is it a girl? I'm not sure I mind" to refer to himself rather than Vince, and express that he's had to work to find new ways to feel as androgynous as he'd like now that he's older -referred to himself as a lesbian [2] -said that he "sometimes looks in the mirror and sees a woman", in the same interview that Julian implies that Noel is in fact a girl -referred to himself as a "girl/boy" -consistently referred to himself with feminine terms on panel shows and bakeoff -made a joke on bakeoff about not being a testosterone-based person -responded positively when asked about the ways Boosh had influenced queer and nonbinary youth -has said he's "quite obsessed with the man/woman mixup thing" -has said if he was an animal he'd want to be a seahorse because the males get pregnant -Had Lee Mack, who Noel used to live with, refer to him as "the little transsexual one, yeah I think she's fantastic" in a Boosh documentary and "a young lady who came out here happy to be herself" in response to Noel's Wuthering Heights drag performance -had his own mother refer to him as "the daughter I always wanted" -described his own appearance as that of a "transsexual witch" and when an interviewer attempted to make fun of him for calling himself "a transgender witch" by showing Noel a drawing the interviewer clearly found repulsive, Noel responded that the interviewer was "holding up a mirror" and called the image his passport photo

And I'm not even going to bother citing sources on the countless times he's made comments suggesting romantic or sexual attraction towards men. Literally just watch any non-character appearance he's ever done, it's kind of his whole thing??? Not to mention his penchant for picking up explicitly queer and gnc character roles, and also just [gestures vaguely to everything Noel and Julian have said about each other suggesting romantic and sexual tension between them and how they used their characters as an excuse to explore those feelings in a less scary way, again that could be a whole other essay on its own but ooh boy] I also think there's something interesting to explore in the idea of Noel repeatedly referring to his appearance as transgender or transsexual rather than identifying himself as such- at what point does the appearance of something become reality?

It all begs the question- is it even a joke anymore if it's that consistent? Either it's not a joke and it's an authentic expression of his real feelings and experiences, or he for some reason really really wants everyone to believe that he's queer when he's not, with this behavior spanning back to a time before the concept of queerbaiting was on anyone's minds and when being publicly queer could mean the end of your career. Which scenario do you think is more likely? And, does someone who’s been conducting themself like this for their entire career really NEED to come out? Honestly, I find this level of simultaneous authenticity and inscrutability aspirational.

In this Velvet Onion interview from 2012, Noel compares his penchant for dresses to both Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard. This is interesting because those two people represent pretty opposite intentions behind their presentation- Grayson identifies solidly as cis male, and for him the shock value of crossdressing is the point, saying “I signed up for a gender and I want them to be very clearly delineated so I know I’m dressing up in the wrong clothes.” This doesn't seem particularly in line with where Noel is coming from given him famously referring to himself as "the Confuser" and stating in that same Velvet Onion interview that he "never even bothered giving it a label, I never went oh I'm a transvestite, I just went yeah if I fancy wearing a dress I do, never really thought about it really" Eddie on the other hand has famously said "They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes, I bought them." indicating that they were a genuine part of her authentic expression rather than a crossdressing costume, and has subsequently over the years identified more and more solidly as transfemme. I find Eddie's trajectory particularly fascinating because it's been so non-linear. In the 90s when the language for transness was much less public knowledge, she referred to herself consistently as a transvestite- a cishet man who enjoyed dressing as a woman, as well as using terms like "male tomboy" and "male lesbian" and "a full boy plus extra girl". Despite doing most of her standup shows in femme looks, most of her acting jobs were male-presenting, and there was a period of time in the 2010s where she dropped the femme presentation entirely in an attempt to be taken more seriously as the "crossdressing" was seen by many as a gimmick. Swinging back around more recently, Eddie has been explicitly identifying as genderfluid and transfemme, and in recent years has made the decision to "be based in girl mode from now on", and use primarily she/her pronouns. Since this announcement, in her trans advocacy work Eddie has described herself as being "out" as trans since the 1980s despite all of the above. She always knew who she was, it's just she's gotten access to more accurate terms over time to describe what she was experiencing, as well as feeling more safe to do so the more that transness became a known and accepted concept in the public eye.

The interview I mentioned at the very start of this post isn't really a coming out from Noel. And I don't think we'll ever really get one from him. In my opinion Noel has spent the past several decades conducting himself as someone who is in fact already out- it’s pretty clear Noel knows and is proud of who he is regardless of how he chooses to describe that identity. At this point, making some sort of official statement would just be for the benefit of others looking for clarification on their own perception of him and people who want to be able to put him in one box or another, and that’s not what coming out should be. The statement in the new interview is not "I am genderfluid", its "I've always been genderfluid", simply putting an accurate name to what's always been publicly visibly true now that he's got the terms to do so.

[ladykailitha]

Can Anybody See Me? Part 9

Just moving right along with these. Here I introduce two new people to befriend Steve. Because I like Steve having friends his own age that he hasn’t trauma bonded to. Starting tomorrow I’ll be putting up a little plot bunny that got away from me but have no fear, this one will return.

On the tagging, I HAVE REACHED MY HARD AND FAST LIMIT OF 50. I love the response this story has gotten. I do. I love you all. I love every reply, like, and reblog. It brings me so much joy, you don’t even know. But tagging is hard for my ADHD brain. I have gone up from 20 to 30 and finally 50 as my system improved but I think if I do any more than that I’ll go insane. So any future tagging requests will be ignored. Sorry.

The best way to keep update on these stories is follow me and set me on notifications. I rarely do a lot of reblogging these days (too busy churning out stories like whoa), so more often then not a post will be a story. I try to post at least once a day (some times twice if I’m trying to rush through the posting a bit like I did to make sure the Valentine fic got out in time without making people wait on Vamp!Eddie), just never at set time.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 

*

Steve was biting his nail as he waited his turn at the back of the crowd to see if he had made it.

“Ain’t doing it for this time, big boy,” Eddie told him. “I will stay for emotional support though.”

Steve gave Eddie’s arm a squeeze. “Thanks, man. I’m just so nervous.”

Finally they got to the front of the line and Steve’s finger slid down the list and next Thompson was Steve Harrington.

“I got it!” he said jumping up and down. “I got it!” He hugged Eddie.

And Eddie gave him a small tap on the back in return.

“We need to celebrate!” Steve said. “I’m taking everyone out to dinner.”

Eddie laughed. “The whole school, huh? Man, I knew you were rich, but that’s a lot.”

Steve playfully shoved at him. “Noooo...I mean you and the rest of Corroded Coffin. If it wasn’t for you guys I wouldn’t have ever tried out and I want to thank everyone.”

“Sounds great, pretty boy,” Eddie said. He turned Steve around and pushed him toward his first class. “Now go, before you’re late.”

Steve laughed and started walking. He looked over his shoulder and smiled softly.

Butterflies took off in his stomach looking at Eddie. He shook his head and went to class. That was another thought for another time. If he was going to graduate, he couldn’t be late.

*

Eddie went to go pick Steve for the celebration dinner but when he pulled up to the house there was a shiny silver BMW in the driveway and the front door was open.

Shit, shit, shit.

He wasn’t going to back out now. Steve needed him. He got out of the van and skipped up to the door.

He knocked on the door frame and an elegant woman in her early forties came out of one of the side rooms.

“Who are you?” she asked, taking in his band tee and ripped black jeans with a sneer.

He held out his hand. “Edward Munson, ma’am. Steve and I are in math together.”

Just then Steve came out of his room with his dad. Mr Harrington looked thunderous and Steve more than a little frightened.

“Eddie!” Steve called out.

“What’s all this then?” Mr Harrington boomed.

“Stevie and I are doing a project in math,” Eddie explained with a grin. “Mr Vinke assigned pairs to research noted mathematicians. We picked Gosta Mittag-Leffler, the dude that is the reason the Noble prizes don’t have a math award.”

Mrs Harrington turned to her son. “Couldn’t you have worked with any of your friends?”

Steve blushed.

“It’s just Tommy and Carol in that class and since they wanted to work together, Mr Vinke put me with Eddie.”

“Can’t be helped, I suppose,” Mr Harrington said gruffly.

“I’m here to pick him up to go to the library,” Eddie explained. “But we can do it tomorrow if you’re busy?”

Steve looked to his parents, in half agony and half hope. Agony because he did want to go celebrate with his friends. Hope because even if he couldn’t do it tonight, at least he would be able to see his parents and tell them all about his good news.

“It’s fine,” Mrs Harrington said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “We’re only stopping by for a couple hours anyway. I wanted to get some of my nicer jewelry and don’t trust the mail system to get it to me intact or at all.”

Steve’s face fell. “You aren’t staying?”

“Big meeting in Chicago tomorrow morning with some very important Japanese investors,” Mr Harrington boomed, pounding Steve on the back. “Can’t be missed.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll just go get my school bag.” He ran back into his room and grabbed his things. He was back out in a flash. Steve squeezed past his dad and thundered down the stairs. He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek.

“You ready to go?” Eddie asked softly.

Steve nodded.

Eddie waved at the Harringtons. “It was nice meeting you both.”

As they walked to the van they heard Mrs Harrington say, “Well, at least he’s a polite boy.”

“I didn’t know manners were taught to trailer trash,” Mr Harrington replied with a guffaw.

Eddie winced and Steve gave his elbow a squeeze. Once the were in the van and pulling out of the drive way, both boys relaxed.

“I’m sorry about that, man,” Steve said. “They literally came home ten minutes before you got there. I tried calling but Wayne said you had already left.”

Eddie turned and looked at him. “Hey, it’s okay. Because at least this way it wouldn’t leave me and the boys hanging at the diner wondering where you are.”

Steve blushed. “It was still rude of them. They didn’t tell me they were coming home and then to just dash off like I didn’t exist. Even I can tell that this is an aesthetic that is carefully, artfully done.” He waved at Eddie’s look.

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Yeah? What makes you think that?”  

“The shoes,” Steve explained. “They are too white and too new to be trash.”

Eddie grinned. “Look at you, being all observant.”

Steve just shook his head. “It’s not rocket science, dude.”

“No, but it is Sherlockian,” Eddie said.

Steve laughed. “Fair enough.”

*

They arrived at the diner to see that in addition to Jeff, Gareth, and Brian, Gethin and someone he didn’t know was there, too.

“Hey, guys,” Eddie greeted.

The new boy was a shocking curly-haired redhead with more freckles then hairs on his head.

“Hey, Steve! Eddie!” Jeff greeted. “This is Marty. He’s part of Hellfire Club, too. He’s a senior this year, so we’ll miss him next year.”

Steve waved. Eddie slid into the booth and Steve next to him.

“I wanted to celebrate Kyle not getting the role,” Marty said with a grin.

Steve eyed the new boy with new appreciation.

Eddie’s grin was feral. “In addition to Marty being in the club, he’s head of stage crew.”

“And assistant director this year,” Marty added with a grin.

“Ooh...” Gethin said. “Many hats this year.”

“Yeah,” Marty said. “It’s going to be hectic. I can’t wait.”

Steve grinned. Marty reminded him of Dustin a lot. “I’ve gotta ask. Why didn’t you want Kyle to be Thomson?”

“Because he cheated on the first audition,” Marty deadpanned.

All eyes went to Marty as they stared at him in shock.

“How?” Brian asked.

“He recorded a perfect version of himself singing and lipsynced with the Walkman in his pocket,” Marty explained.

“So how come he didn’t do it again?” Eddie asked.

Marty pulled something out his pocket. It was a small cassette tape. He waved it back and forth with a smirk.

“I may or may not have removed the tape just before he went on.”

Steve laughed. “I think you’re my new favorite person.”

Eddie clutched his chest. “I’m wounded, Stevie. So wounded that I am no longer your favorite person.”

“All right, all right,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “Marty is my second favorite.”

“But I’m the one that destroyed your art project!” Gethin protested.

“Tied for second then,” Steve amended.

Suddenly the other boys were fighting over being his third favorite. Or fourth. There was some debate over that.

They only stopped when it came time to order.

Once they all got their drinks, Eddie held his up. “To Steve!”

“To Steve!” everyone else parroted back.

“Thanks, guys!” Steve said, blushing.

*

It was very late when Eddie pulled up to the now empty and darkened house.

“Thanks, Eddie,” Steve murmured. “That was fun.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Just let me know if you need a fake report to show your parents.”

Steve laughed. “I don’t think they’ve looked at so much as my report card since seventh grade. I think I’m good, man.”

Eddie just shook his head. “See you tomorrow, Stevie.”

“Good night, Eds,” Steve whispered. He got out the car and waved good night.

Eddie waved back and waited until Steve was inside, before his eyes slipped shut.

He was in so much trouble. It had been so long since Eddie had a crush on anyone that he forgot what the warning signs were.

Wanting to spend every minute of every day with them. Check.

Wanting to do things for them all the time. Check.

The warm fuzzy feeling in his chest whenever he saw them. Check.

Wanting to be even more outrageous to catch their eye. Check.

Being jealous of other people spending time with them. Triple check.

Fuck.

When Steve had said that Marty was his new favorite person, Eddie’s own personal green-eyed monster began hissing in his ear. It immediately went running when Steve amended his statement, though.

Which was something Eddie should examine more closely. But if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t want to. In case the answer wasn’t the one he wanted.

Eddie was a little bit furious with himself. Steve was a known ladies’ man. like besides his hair, it’s what he was famous for. So unless Steve was secretly a Rock Hudson or Rupert Everett then Eddie was screwed. Crushing on straight boys was a death sentence to any gay man. But especially when that was all that was available in Bumfuck, Indiana.

He pulled out the driveway trying to come up with ways to break his crush on Steve without breaking their friendship.

By the time he got home he was no closer to an answer than he was at Steve’s.

Part 10 Part 11  Part 12 Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17 Part 18  Part 19  Part 20  Part 21

@shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites @garden-of-gay @anaibis @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead  @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @jinxjinn @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @dangdirtydemons @lovelyscot  @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

HIIIIII

Omd I love your work so much the analysation between Kaveh and Alhaitham is just so ??? (Beautiful wth I probably read like 99.9% of your work bc I just love reading the analysis between them) literally EVERYTIME you post I get so excited like it just makes me smile

Anyway if it’s not rude to ask, Ive read some of your fanfics about them and I just wanted to ask how you make them so.. accurate? Ive just recently started writing fanfics and do you have any tips?

Also knowing how much you analyse these two are there any like details about them you found out abt the pair? I would normally do it myself but im not even up to the Sumeru archon quest 😭

And another thing, do you have any head canons revolving the two or do you just stick by the canon? (If you do head canons i would LOVE TO HEAR THEM.)

Hope this isnt too much to ask!! (Also ignore my horrible punctuation it’s normally better than this i swear)

Anyway like i said your work is amazing and byebyeeee have a good night/day/afternoon

-🍀

hiya!! AHHHH i'm so glad you enjoy my brainrot analysis of these two <333 i'm way too invested so i'm happy that people are invested in them just as much!! HELPPP now i'm kicking my legs and giggling that's so sweet :'''')

firstly !?!?! thank you for checking out my fics!! and !!!!!! i'm glad you like the characterisation! :'''') when i first got into haikaveh, all i was doing was reading fics before i got to sumeru. i had ideas for writing, but i was way too scared of actually getting them up in full in case they were inaccurate, because i felt that i didn't have a great grasp on their in-game characters? (not that this fear should stop anyone - where would haikaveh nation be without the authors who wrote for haikaveh before kaveh was even released??)

personally i spent a lot of time going over their individual character stories and voice-lines, as well as constantly rewatching character trailer videos and clips where haikaveh are together onscreen, and also apart, so i could start the essay, and this definitely also helped me develop a voice for both of them in fic in terms of dialogue and inner monologues.

for me kaveh's inner monologue is going to be almost the complete opposite of alhaitham's, where kaveh's empathy comes out in overthinking, and is fuelled mainly by emotion as he tries to rationalise his perspective (in relation to interpreting alhaitham), whereas i write alhaitham's inner monologue to be more observation based, and where emotion is implied rather than stated - which i find is used in his character stories, particularly character story 5 where his past is given. although no emotions are mentioned, it's evident how essential his grandmother is to him, only there is no detail about how he felt when losing the last of his family, and having to arrange her funeral, and enrolling in the akademiya when he previously believed it to be boring, and the years spent after his graduation, up until the point where kaveh moves in - in contrast to kaveh's character stories which are extremely detail heavy in these regards.

there's a clear contrast between kaveh and alhaitham's experiencing of emotion in inner monologue, especially when it comes to alhaitham's grandmother's last wishes, as it's an impactful line about her wanting him to lead a peaceful life, and there's no further elaboration on this; the emotion is there to be interpreted, whereas kaveh will be explicit about his exact feelings at the time, and how these feelings change, or don't change.

for me, both are interesting to write, as kaveh's empathy ensures that he will be in constant motion, avidly aware of each shift of mood in any conversation, or aware of a thought that alhaitham might be chasing. if writing when alhaitham and kaveh are not in sync, then justifying kaveh's mindset and his interpretation of alhaitham can fuel the dialogue (whether it be typical banter or strained conversation). on the other hand, alhaitham's emotions are more subtextual, perhaps he'll notice kaveh beginning to frown when working, which shows that alhaitham has been staring at kaveh rather than reading, or something. i interpret his inner monologue as him being thoroughly aware of how he feels towards kaveh, and therefore he has no need to reiterate this when thinking - again, in contrast to kaveh, whose mood and feelings fluctuate depending on those around him.

those are just my personal approaches in case it's of any interest to you! if you're hesitant to write because you feel like things won't be 'in-character', i'd argue that fanfiction as a medium ensures that works can't be in-character as it won't be the game's canon; especially as characters can be reinterpreted for each person depending on the plot and the themes. in general, i'd say write whatever, and however you want, so long as you're writing something. you can come back and edit it later, and you may find that new ideas come to you as you start writing. so long as you're having fun!

as for things i like about them in terms of in-game canon(?), i would say that aside from the writing of their dialogue and their character stories, their arguments on the bulletin board posts around sumeru are so sacred and special! when you get to sumeru i highly recommend running around to find them! it feels very rewarding to click through each post to find alhaitham responding to each and every post that kaveh makes <3

additionally, there's the idea that as alhaitham accidentally created an aesthetically pleasing rug print design, with (supposedly) kaveh doing the same by creating a practical, affordable rug, mirroring each other's traits of artistry vs practicality (thanks to haikavehtimely). the devs being thorough in their haikaveh propaganda is so insane, but if i had made haikaveh i would be doing the exact same thing???

as for design inspiration, the idea of them resembling plato and aristotle in terms of their beliefs is rather interesting?? especially with kaveh talking about beauty having a whole form, in that it's a concept intrinsically understood! especially with their splash art poses in mind (which is written about in the haikaveh bible)

blessed be headcanons! i end up writing them into my fics, but i think the spaces in canon leave a lot to interpretation, so i think i end up working around that? a lot of them are domestic for me, for example, kaveh definitely has a skin/hair routine, and i think while alhaitham may not go to such lengths, he values cleanliness and has a lengthy bath time (alhaitham likes the smells of kaveh's skincare and kaveh likes the subtle smells of alhaitham's bath oils).

also!! that kitchen is TINYYY!! i think it's !?!?!? that alhaitham canonically had that research lab redesigned into a house, and approved a design that had TWO bedrooms, even after kaveh rejected the building?? i think he prioritised his dreams of a reunion over realistic living conventions and that kitchen is atrociously small, and kaveh complains about it all the time and clowns on alhaitham, so they have to scrunch up when cooking, or they establish a cooking schedule, which, a lot of the time, goes out the window, as they go to the tavern or get take away <3

thank you so much for your ask! it was really interesting to explore all these questions, i hope it's been useful to you in any way :''') and thank you for your support!

[prongsfish]

it took very little encouragement to convince me so as described in this post here is the fake aita post i wrote from barty's pov while writing call me fate, call me karma... this was all written in jest, i do not use reddit nor care at all to try make this realistic to anything ever <3 don't take anything too seriously.

tw // transphobic & homophobic slurs used by a hostile commenter who faces immediate backlash/punishment. slurs are both censored and target identities to which i as the author belong to.

WIBTA for questioning my GF's distant behaviour when she clearly doesn't want to talk about it? ESH, 1 Update, [THIS POST HAS BEEN LOCKED]

I (18M) have been with my girlfriend (18F) for over 3 years now, and we'd been close friends for 4 years before that. We go to a boarding school, and due to the girls in our house and year being shitty, she moved into the boy's dorm with our friend and I before we even got together, and we're in our last year of school now before we graduate. We practically spend all our time together and our relationship is very strong, we've avoided talking too much about plans after graduation because we both come from very restrictive families (Without going into too much detail, we both face very specific expectations for what our adult lives will look like) and our relationship is a secret from everyone but our close friends, but I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. She's everything to me and I've always gotten the idea that she feels the same about me, and honestly, whatever she wants to do after we graduate, I'd follow her. I don't really care where I go/what I do as long as it means I'm with her. I can't imagine life without her.

Lately, she's been acting really strangely. I guess it started during exams, but that's normal for her. We're both pretty academic people but she especially devotes everything into her schoolwork, so it wasn't a surprise when she was distant in the lead-up to and in the midst of our final exams. She didn't talk much, and spent practically all of her waking time studying. (Side note, she did amazing on the exams. I'm super proud of her.)

After, though, she was still distant. She started receiving letters at breakfast which she'd quickly hide, and never read in front of anyone. Sometimes she'd excuse herself entirely from breakfast, assumedly to read them, and wouldn't eat at all. She's been antsy and visibly stressed more often than not. Like I mentioned before, she has a difficult family life, and I'm not surprised that she's nervous in the time leading up to graduation, but usually she'd talk to me at least a little about that sort of thing. Plus, I know what letters from her family look like, and these letters look nothing like anything she'd ever received before. She's been less physically affectionate than usual, and sometimes she shows up after disappearing randomly looking like she's just been crying. I'm really worried about her, but I know that if she wanted to talk to me about it, she would, and she's been insistently ignoring any indication of concern from our friends or I. Even the slightest questioning look, she completely shuts it down. I don't want to upset her by bringing it up, because that's not really the way we function as a couple, but I'm starting to feel hopeless. We don't really talk about our issues, and when we do "communicate" it's only ever when we argue about things. I'm also really worried that I've done something wrong, or that she doesn't want to stay with me. I don't want to admit it because it scares me too much, but I can't help the nagging fear in the back of my mind.

Basically, I'm trying to ask if I should mention it, or if I should wait for her to say something on her own? Something has to happen eventually, because we've both known at least with graduation that we do need to decide on what we're going to do with that, so maybe I should just wait for it all to come up. There's only a few more weeks until we're set to go home, so I could probably just hold on. It's just really worrying me and I don't know how much longer I can handle the uncertainty, and I don't want her to be struggling alone. Would I be TA for bringing it up?

(122 DOWN)

Sounds like you guys need to learn how to communicate, holy shit. (467 UP)

If you're just gonna be a dick I don't want to hear it. This is just how we function and we've been fine for years. (531 DOWN)

I don't think you'd be TA for bringing it up, but in general it sounds like your relationship is somewhat codependent. Your entire life shouldn't be reliant on what she wants to do, bro. Sounds like you need therapy. (271 UP)

Look, I just want to be with her, okay? I've never cared about what I do. I don't see the issue, you're all overreacting. (113 DOWN)

It sounds to me like she's cheating on you, dude. (364 UP)

Fuck you. You don't fucking know her. She wouldn't do that, and I don't like you suggesting that she would. I'd beat the shit out of you if I knew who you really were. (210 DOWN)

Looking through these replies, you're being super defensive. Maybe she has a perfectly innocent explanation, but the main theme here is that you both have some issues that you need to work through. This isn't a healthy way for either of you to live, I recommend individual and/or couples therapy for both if possible. (545 UP)

Whatever, man. Not the god damn point of this point. If I knew Reddit would be so useless I wouldn't have bothered posting here in the first place. (478 DOWN)

Update

Hahaaaaa!! Fuck you guys. Reddit is fucking useless, but I'm here because I want to shove it in the face of everyone who told me I was being cheated on. Fuck you!! You don't know shit about my relationship!! I don't need therapy, assholes!! Me and my boyfriend are perfectly okay the way we are!!! Yeah, that's right, boyfriend! He's just trans!! He realised it during exams and freaked out because he was worried about losing me but he didn't lose me because I don't give a fuck if he's a girl or a boy I wanna spend the rest of my life with him!! The letters were between him and his estranged brother (19M), who'd ran away a few years ago because he hated their family, but he's gay, and my boyfriend didn't know who else to reach out to. And he'd been crying all the time because he was dealing with fixing his relationship with his brother and he was scared of what would happen after he came out. I didn't even need to bring it up, he finally told me! He finally told his brother a few days ago after exchanging letters for a few weeks, and told me after getting a letter back from his brother accepting him. His parents wouldn't accept him, so we're discussing fucking off away from our families and moving in together. Like I told you guys, I'd do whatever as long as I could stay with him, so that's what we're doing! We might be moving in with his brother for a bit while we find somewhere to live, which will be interesting, because he doesn't know we're together, and he hates me, and i kinda hate him too still for abandoning my boyfriend, but I'm willing to give him another shot if my boyfriend is. Anyways we're doing better than ever and I gave him a haircut and he looks amazing, I love him so much.

(73 UP)

Happy for you and him both but that doesn't negate the fact that you both still need therapy. Especially if he has to cut his parents off because they wouldn't accept him. You didn't give many details, but if his brother ran away (assumedly as a minor) because of their parents, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that it was an abusive environment. Even if not, therapy is still good. (175 UP)

Why would he need therapy if he's literally cutting them off lol. They're gone now it doesn't even matter anymore. (313 DOWN)

I truly am glad that it worked out well between you guys but it's so crazy reading these and all your comments. I mean this in the best way possible, you are both mentally ill. Therapy is a good thing. Just try it. (231 UP)

Jfccc you guys worry too much. I shouldn't have even bothered with this update. (282 DOWN)

Got invested just to find out she's a delusional tr***y and you're a f****t, wow. (278 DOWN)

192.158.1.38, Mr. John Doe. 123 Maple Street. Anytown, PA 17101 (263 UP)

Thanks OP for doing the hard part of the work for me, a swat team is currently on route to his house. (182 UP)

Thanks, mate. I knew there had to be some decent people on this website. (101 UP)

[fog-clan]

In the info post it says you have like 5 generators up while playing, may I ask what they are/do? I wanna implement random generators into my game play and find myself blanking on what even to randomize so I'm curious what others do - sorry if this doesn't make sense, love your art :))

(It's a little long so I'm gonna put a break in here)

I don't have everything up right now, but i'll try my best to remember them all here: - I had a randomizer to randomize which cats were picked at the start, (Basil, Fallow, and Rain were selected). I also randomized what roles they got in the clan (lucky Rain was chosen as medcat considering his trait haha) - Every moon I randomize the number of cats that go on a patrol, who they will go with, and I randomize what kind of patrol they go on. (I unit the apprentices with their mentors if possible). Choice is not randomized from there though, these cats will ALWAYS proceed on patrols. - I randomize the deputy selection (I don't let the leader pick because I find a lot of the time they pick cats who like? just joined or haven't mentored yet. So I let the wheel decide between the "available" options- Coalthorn was the only one who could be picked so he bypassed this). Same with mentors. These are less generator based and more the settings I have for my playthrough if anyone is interested: - Mass Extinction events are turned on only if the clan exceeds 20 cats. - Cats can breed with cats who are not their mates. - No same-sex breeding, but they are more likely to adopt. - Cats can have kittens with an unknown second parent. - Cats cannot have romantic interactions with former mentors/apprentices. - First cousins cannot have romantic interactions. - All apprentices will graduate at 12 moons (I actually didn't realize I had this one on, but i fear it may be a bit late to change haha). - Cats with permanent conditions can decide if they'd like to retire or not. - The clan will not have mediators. And lastly, here are the rules the cats abide by in my playthrough: - "Defend your Clan, even with your life. You may have friendships with cats from other Clans, but your loyalty must remain to your Clan, as one day you may meet them in battle." Yes, they follow this 100%. - "Do not hunt or trespass on another Clan's territory." All cats always proceed on patrols, so they do trespass at times. This isn't upheld unless they are caught haha - "Elders, queens, sick or injured cats, and kits must be fed before apprentices and warriors. Unless they have permission, apprentices may not eat until they have hunted to feed the elders." I don't have the prey system in place for this run, but yes I would say they do this. - "Prey is killed only to be eaten. Give thanks to StarClan for its life." Yes, however cats are not expected to pray. - "A kit must be at least six moons old to become an apprentice." Yup! Even if it was possible, no cat under 6 moons would be apprenticed. - "Newly appointed warriors will keep a silent vigil for one night after receiving their warrior name." Yes, this is expected. - "A cat cannot be made deputy without having mentored at least one apprentice." Yes, as stated before this is a prerequisite. (Coal being an outlier). - "The deputy will become Clan leader when the leader dies, retires, or is exiled." Yes, if both are killed/retired/exiled the medicine cat will decide via Starclan. - "A Gathering of all three Clans is held at the full moon during a truce that lasts for the night. There shall be no fighting among Clans at this time." Nope, news is exchanged through messengers if needed. The clans are fairly far apart and have no particular fondness. - "No warrior can neglect a kit in pain or danger, even if the kit is from a different Clan." Yes, this applies to apprentices as well. - "The word of the Clan leader is the warrior code." Nah, they follow the same rules as everyone else and the deputy and medicine cat(s) act as advisors. - "A warrior rejects the soft life of a pet." Yes, even if the life of a pet isn't super glamorous at this time. - "Medicine cats may not have a mate or kits, as they must be able to heal all cats equally." Yes, however it's not like they'll be exiled or anything.

[novamariestark]

Safe & Sound - Tallahassee [Part 1]

Summary: You, a former high school teacher, now has to survive day to day after the world went to hell. There's nothing you wouldn't do to protect your 5 year old son and your teenage niece. Nothing.

Warnings: Brief mention of suicide, indirect murder (but they deserve it dw), slight suggestion "Men are animals" during an apocalypse, proofread but Casper's unfriendly cousin edits it after I post it 🤣

Word count: 2991

Fandom: Zombieland

Pairing: Future Tallahassee x Reader

It had been a long journey so far. A few months doesn’t seem so long but when every single day of those months is a never-ending fight for survival, it’s kinda draining.

How did this even happen? A few months ago, you were a teacher. The worst thing you had to deal with was grading homework. The biggest threat to your son was getting hit by a car. Now you constantly worry about keeping him safe and what would happen to him if something were to happen to you. He was still just your baby. Your innocent little Bear, who would not go to high school, who wouldn’t graduate. Instead, he has to live in constant fear even though he tries to be brave, you can still see the fear in his big brown eyes.

He had seen things. Things an 5-year-old should never see. The other member of your group had also seen things. Some a little more scarring than your son. Your niece. The second things went to shit, you packed up your essentials and got your son the hell out of there. You headed towards your sister’s to be with them but when you got there, it was too late. They had joined the army of the dead.

You did something you never thought you’d do. Killed your sister. And also, your brother-in-law. Sure, you had thought about smacking him and strangling him many times, but you never thought you’d actually swing a bat at his head multiple times. The only thing that offered you comfort was when you found your niece hiding in the attic.

She was shaking when you found her. Her cheeks were stained with wet lines, her eyes red and drooping slightly. You wrapped her in your arms and promised her it was going to be okay, even though you had no idea if it would be. She had only just turned sixteen. Before all of this, her biggest concerns were makeup, boys, and arguing with your sister about curfew. Now, she was forced to leave behind her childhood as well. Just like Bear.

The three of you had hit the road together, with nothing but the clothes on your backs and whatever supplies you could scrounge up. You couldn’t look at her for days without seeing your sister’s face—without seeing her like that. Like an animal who’s only thought was food. And you had put her down like an animal. You felt like her blood was stained on your hands, and it’ll never wash off. Never.

But you had to keep going. You didn’t have the luxury of falling apart anymore.

It wasn’t long before you encountered another group of survivors, about three weeks or so, however, they were the kind you never want to encounter. One thing that you had told yourself was that you would not allow yourself, or the kids to lose their humanity.

But what the hell are you supposed to do when a group of sick men want to “play” with your teenage niece? In your mind, they signed their own death warrants.

There were four of them, and it was clear they didn’t see you or her as people—just objects.

You told her to take Bear and wait in the car and they were very annoyed that you had sent her away, claiming they weren’t “done with her yet”

“Oh no, you’re done,” you corrected, but you meant in a completely different way. You reached into the waistband of your jeans to grab a gun you had scavenged from a car not long back. You raised it at them, and they just laughed at you like you were just a stupid girl.

“Now sweetheart, don’t wanna hurt yourself now do ya?” one of them asked, you aimed the gun lower, and shot him in the leg. Quickly, you shot the others in the leg. As soon as the bullet tore through their flesh, their smiles dropped as quick as their bodies.

You kept the gun trained on them as you backed away toward the car. As quick as you could before you changed your mind. You always told yourself you’d never kill a human, but what if there was a young girl travelling alone? What if they did something to her because you didn’t do this? But then again you weren’t the one killing them, were you? All you did was ring the dinner bell 4 times for any zombie within hearing distance. Did that count. Besides, leaving them to whatever zombies would come sniffing around felt like a fitting end for them. Turning into a piece of meat, just like how they looked at your niece.

Their mouthy leader writhed on the ground, screaming, sneering through the pain. “You’re gonna regret this!”

“No, I won’t,” you said a smirk appearing on your face, similar to the ones that they wore. You winked at them, “But you will.”

The leaves, branches and rocks crunch beneath your boots as you continue to back away, your finger still gently resting on the trigger in case any of them tried something. You finally reach the car, and get in. Your son and your niece, huddled up in the back seats.

“What if they follow us?” your niece asked, her arms still wrapped around your son to comfort him but also to comfort herself.

“They won’t, don’t worry,” you said, turning the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life, “They’re done,” you added as you began to drive off.

Had this world seeped into your brain? Was the inhumanity already taking over your body? Was evil coursing through your veins? These questions bounce around your mind as you drive, and drive. Towns, cities, states whizzing in just a blur. You only stop for the toilet and gas.

You had a destination. Your parents.

They lived in Fresno, California and you hoped that they were still alive. You had just under an hour left until you got there and it seemed the closer you got, the more your stomach started to churn. As though it was trying to tell you something.

When you got to your parents street, everything looked normal but it was eerily silent. No cars, no children playing in the street, no dogs barking. Nothing.

You told them both to stay in the car and keep their heads down. You closed the door as quietly as you could as not to alert anything that could be near. Your hand resting lightly on the gun in your waistband. The walk to the front door felt like an eternity. Each step feeling heavier than the last.

You reached for the door handle, twisting it softly until it uncoupled from the doorframe. The hinges creaked in protest, and the faint smell hit you immediately—a smell you had come to know all too well. Death. Maybe they just took out a zombie, you told yourself.

You called out to them softly.

Nothing.

"Mom? Dad?" You spoke a little louder, the hand that rested on your gun shaking slightly.

Still nothing.

You moved further into the house, heading towards their bedroom. You had a bad feeling. The front door was unlocked. They wouldn’t do that. So either they weren’t here or… they were gone.

The door was slightly ajar, leaving you enough room to peak through and see what you had been dreading. You stepped in fully and saw them. Your parents, lying in bed, hands clasped together.

You couldn’t hold it, you collapsed to the floor, gun tumbling out of your hand. You crawled towards the bed, and climbed up to sit beside them. From here, you could see what had happened. Your mother was bit, but your father had the strength to kill her before she turned but after he did, he took her hand and killed himself too.

You felt numb. They were gone too. You wanted nothing more than to be with them but you couldn’t. You had Bear and Blue Bell. They needed you. They depended on you. Their survival depended on you.

You wiped your tears and moved to grab your gun off the floor. You picked up a necklace and a watch from the table in their room. The watch you knew your father wanted Bear to have when he grew up, and the necklace something to remember your mother.

They’re okay you told yourself, they’re together. They’re at peace, not having to worry about this world anymore. At least that’s what you were going to keep telling yourself so you didn’t completely shut down.

As you walked out, you stopped by the spare bedroom, in there, was a teddy bear that Bear always slept with when he was there.

With one last look around your home away from home, you left. Closing the door, leaving it as untouched as possible. It was after all, the closest thing your parents would get to a grave.

As you walked back the car, you wiped your eyes, hoping to get rid of the evidence of your crying, but as you got in, Belle’s question told you that you had failed.

“They’re with mom now, aren’t they?”

You couldn’t speak, you just nodded and started the car. It was getting late, you needed to find a place to crash. There was no way you could sleep in that house.

You did have an idea. Since you were in California, why not crash in style.

“Ever heard of Bill Murray?” you asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Bear’s face scrunched up. “Who?”

“Who you gonna call?”

Bear’s eyes lit up, his face breaking into a big smile as he yelled, “Ghostbusters!”

You looked at Belle in the mirror and she gave you a small smile which you return.

It wasn’t long before you were driving down the winding road that led to the sprawling mansion you’d only seen in movies or on TV. The gates were open, rusting slightly—probably from neglect since everything went to hell. You hoped the place would be empty, but even if it wasn’t, there was a good chance Bill Murray wouldn’t mind. Hell, in a world like this, you doubted anyone would care anymore.

As you pulled up the long driveway, the mansion loomed ahead of you, grand and eerie against the backdrop of a setting sun. You parked the car and glanced back at Belle and Bear.

“Stay close,” you instructed, your hand sitting on the gun resting on your side. The three of you stepped out of the vehicle and approached the mansion. Bear clutched his teddy bear, his small hand gripping your sleeve, while Belle hovered closely at your side, her eyes scanning the enormous house in front of you.

You pushed the door open cautiously, revealing a spotless interior. The furniture looked untouched, and grand portraits lined the walls like sentries guarding the home. A soft laugh escaped your lips, barely audible.

“Welcome to Bill Murray’s house,” you said, your voice carrying a hint of disbelief, “I can’t believe it,”

Bear’s grip on your sleeve tightened, his cute little eyes darting around as he took in the space. You moved through the house, flicking on lights one by one. The mansion felt like it was frozen in time, completely untouched by the mess outside. Bill Murray’s face stared back from movie posters on the walls. Bear noticed one in particular and pointed at it, “Ghostbusters!”

As you stepped into the huge living room, the silence was broken by the soft padding of footsteps from the hallway. You froze. Belle stiffened beside you and Bear pressed against your side, his knuckles white around his teddy.

“Stay here,” you said as you moved in front of them and towards the door where the sound was coming from, your gun free and ready to fire.

From the shadows of the doorway emerged a familiar face. Bill Murray. He stood there, robe-clad, holding a glass of whiskey. His expression was surprisingly warm, as if he hadn’t just stumbled upon three strangers in his home.

“Well, this is a surprise.” His lips curled into a big smile, eyes flicking from you to the kids.

Your mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. You blinked, your brain stuck processing the sight before you.

Bill raised an eyebrow, swirling the amber liquid in his glass. “So, you folks just passing through, or did you come to watch Ghostbusters?”

Bear held up the bear as if presenting it and yelled, "Ghostbusters!" His voice echoed through the room. You pressed a hand to your mouth, trying to stifle the laughter bubbling up, but it slipped out anyway. Across the room, Bill Murray’s face softened, and he let out a deep chuckle, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in… I thought it’d be empty. You know,” you rambled, you couldn’t believe that out of the small amount of survivors there could be in the world. One of them is Bill Murray.

“We can go,”

“Nonsense,” he said, “You look harmless enough,” he looked at the stuffed bear in your son’s hands and nodded to it, “Except the teddy bear, I’ll have to keep my eye on him,”

If anyone told you 3 months ago that you would be watching Ghostbusters with Bill Murray, you would have thought that they were drunk. But here you were, sitting in his personal cinema, munching popcorn and watching Ghostbusters. With Bill Murray.

It was the first time in a long time that your son and your niece were getting some kind of a normal childhood and to say you were happy was an understatement.

The only thing that could make this even weirder, was that Bill Murray actually dresses up as a zombie to go out and do things, like golf. and he did this quite regularly.

You had now been there about a week and he was perfectly fine with you staying there, you had thought he’d want you gone by the next day but no. Perhaps you were better company than his zombie friends.

What neither of you expected, was human visitors. One actually attacked Bill Murray, but in her defence, he was dressed as a zombie and moaning like one, so, kinda his own fault. Another was a huge fan if his reaction was anything to go by. He was quite attractive, but love was certainly not on your to do list.

But what definitely was not on your list, was wrapping up Bill Murray in a carpet and chucking him off a balcony. Don’t worry, you didn’t kill him. A nerdy nervous boy did. Again. Kinda Bill’s fault. Who would have thought that pretending to be a zombie and stumbling towards an extremely jumpy kid with a gun would end up with a gaping hole in his chest. Oh wait. You did.

You all looked at each other, wondering what happens next. I mean you were there first. You had no problem sharing as long as they weren’t complete assholes. Little Rock and Wichita seemed okay, Colombus seemed like he was going to be that annoying little brother that you couldn’t wait to move out and get away from and Tallahassee… Tallahassee seemed like he was a danger. To your heart. Less than two hours meeting the guy and your heart is already trying to punch it’s way out of your chest, every time he looks at you. Perhaps it was the lack of physical contact.

Ugh, why lie to yourself? You’re horny as hell and this sexy ass cowboy with the most sculpted muscles, possibly by taking down zombies. All you wanted were those arms wrapped around you. You shook your head before the thoughts could get any further and headed towards your room to calm yourself, however, it seemed fate had other plans, because who was lying on your bed? Legs dangling of the side, his shirt lifted slightly so you could see his v-line that you so desperately wanted to trace with your tongue.

“W-what are you doing in here?”

He lifted his head up to look at where the voice come from, “Lying down?” he said in the form of a question, a slight duh in his tone. I mean it was obvious what he was doing. Were you blind?

No you weren’t, and whilst yes that is an acceptable answer to the question you asked, it wasn’t what you meant, “This is my room,” you clarified, “Well, the one I’ve been staying in,”

“Oh,” he said, groaning as he sits up and gets off the bed, “Sorry,”

“It’s okay,” you whispered, avoiding looking him in the eyes. You looked anywhere and everywhere.

“Those your kids?” he asked, you didn’t think he actually cared, just trying to make conversation to get out of how awkward the situation felt to him.

“My son and my niece,” you responded, he nodded sadly and moved to leave the room, “I’m sorry,”

He stopped and turned to look at you, his eyes squinting as if he were searching for the reason for your apology, “Sorry?”

“That you had to go through that,” you added barely above a whisper. His eyes widened. No one else had figured it out and he hadn’t even told you his son’s name.

“How’d you…”

“Guess?” you finished for him, he nodded as an answer and you shrugged, “Your face when I said he was my son,”

“No one else has figured it out,”

“You mean the wimpy kid?” you asked, and a laugh escaped your lips, you knew you probably shouldn’t laugh but come on, you hadn’t laughed in a while and you freaking deserve it, “I don’t think he’s figured out puberty yet”

Then what followed was quite possible the sexiest sound you had ever heard. His laugh. But then again, you hadn’t heard his moans of pleasure.

Yet…

[A/N] 😁😁 @mariechristine00

[hisui-dreamer]

this time

Pairing: Azul Ashengrotto x gn!reader

Synopsis: your cowardice cost you from confessing to him once, but maybe you can get a second chance this time.

Tags: pinning, fluff, unrequited requited crushes, post-NRC, bot proofread

Word count: 1.5k+

Notes: this is dedicated to @azulashengrottospiano! thank you so much for changing my perspective on confessions and crushes, and i'll forever keep your words in mind haha. i hope you'll find this fic enjoyable!

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In the moment, you just knew; your feelings for him had never faded away.

It was as if the currents of time had kept your feelings for him hidden, carefully tucked away in a secret chamber of your heart. They lay dormant, patiently biding their time, while you busied yourself with the distractions of life after graduation. But the second you caught a glimpse of his aquamarine eyes, it was as if a dam had burst, unleashing a torrent of long-suppressed emotions that flooded your being.

Your friendship with Azul had been forged in an unexpected twist of fate, woven together by trust and mutual benefit. It all began when Jade fell ill after consuming a poisonous mushroom he had foraged on one of his hikes. In a moment of urgency, Azul found himself desperately in need of a temporary replacement.

At the time, the two of you were merely acquaintances, barely exchanging more than a few polite words. However, when Azul approached you knowing you had the skills to alleviate his mountains of paperwork, which he had seen from Crowley’s increasing spare time, you agreed to stand in for Jade as long as he would pay you handsomely.

Looking back, you’re so glad you agreed to help, and even more glad he had offered you the position.  

As you took on the role of Azul's secretary, you discovered a harmonious synergy between your skills and his needs. Your efficiency and attention to detail complemented his demanding work style, creating a seamless workflow that allowed him to navigate his responsibilities with ease. It was a delicate dance, a symphony of coordination and cooperation.

But amidst the professional arrangement, something unexpected unfolded. Beneath the facade of business transactions and financial arrangements, you soon found yourself enamoured with Azul's charismatic charm and intellect, his genuine appreciation for your support and efforts. Really, how could you not? You loved how he seemed so proud to others, yet he would show such vulnerable sides of himself when Floyd would push his limits. You loved the way his face would soften, the hint of a subtle, soft smile that graced his lips when you brewed his favourite tea just right. The genuine gratitude in his eyes as he whispered a heartfelt "thanks" echoed in your mind, warming your heart. And you loved how even after Jade recovered, he noticed how overworked and weary you were, the dark circles under your eyes deepening, and he let you rest on the couch in his office, his trench coat acting as a comforting blanket that smelled of him.  Time slipped away as you slept, the entire duration of the restaurant's bustling hours, yet he remained faithfully by your side to watch over you.

Oh, you loved him, without a doubt.

But you were also a coward.

You wished so dearly to express your feelings to him, to summon the courage and hope against hope that he might, just maybe, reciprocate your affections even just a little bit. But the sheer intensity of your emotions weighed upon your heart, casting shadows of doubt and uncertainty. Should you confess the depths of your emotions now, or would it unravel the delicate threads of the beautiful friendship you had painstakingly woven together?

In the end, fear had won the battle. The fear of rejection, of irrevocably altering the dynamics that had kept you so close. And so, after graduation, life took you on separate paths, causing you to drift apart, your feelings fading away into nothing but a fond memory of your school days.

Until now, that is.

Azul sits across the table from you, a vision of charisma and charm. His presence alone fills the restaurant with an undeniable magnetism. The atmosphere crackles with a sense of anticipation, mingled with a tinge of bittersweet nostalgia. The twins, Floyd and Jade, were supposed to join you both for this reunion lunch, but Floyd had conveniently fallen ill, and Jade stayed behind to look after him. It's as if fate has conspired to create this moment, this opportune time for the two of you to reconnect.

As you gaze at Azul, you can't help but notice how he incredibly handsome he is, even more so having matured over the years. His curly silver hair delicately frames his face, adding a touch of sophistication to his appearance. His cool blue eyes shimmer with a hint of shyness and fondness, drawing you deeper into his gaze.

Lost in conversation and the delectable flavours of the meal, your attention is suddenly drawn to Azul's tender gesture. His hand reaches out, moving with graceful precision, as he gently tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear, ensuring it stays clear of the food. The touch is tender and intimate, a subtle act of care that leaves you breathless. In that fleeting moment, a surge of warmth courses through your veins, igniting a flutter of butterflies in the depths of your stomach.

But before you can fully savour the intensity of the moment, Azul's voice breaks through, laced with a hint of apology and concern. "Oh... sorry..." he mumbles. His hand retreats, as if realising the potential discomfort he may have caused. The fleeting touch is gone, but its impact remains as you feel your cheeks warm at his actions.

Oh, you're still hopelessly in love with Azul, just as you have always been.

A rush of emotions floods your being, creating a whirlwind of conflicting desires. You yearn to tell him how his touch ignited a flame within you, how it awakened feelings that have long been buried beneath the surface. But fear and uncertainty hold you captive, trapping the words within the depths of your heart.

"No, Azul," you say softly, summoning the courage that lies within, offering him a reassuring smile. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, actually."

His eyes widen in surprise, as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. A flicker of relief dances in his gaze, mingling with a renewed spark of hope.

"Oh... I'm glad then," he answers, his lips twitching in a manner that you know is his attempt to hide his embarrassment. A soft blush tints his cheeks, adding a touch of warmth to his already captivating features.

You feel the tension between you easing, and a sense of comfort settling in the air. The nervousness that had consumed the space between you dissipates, making room for a new energy, an anticipation of what lies ahead.

"Azul, you mentioned you're in need of a new secretary, right?" you inquire, seizing the opportunity to steer the conversation towards the unspoken desires that have silently entwined your hearts.

He nods, his brows furrowing slightly as he tries to comprehend the direction of the conversation. The corner of his lips quirks up in a curious smile, silently urging you to continue.

"Well," you pause, your voice soft but filled with determination, "do you think I'd be fit for the job?"

The room seems to hold its breath, waiting for Azul's response. His gaze lingers on you, his eyes searching your face for any hint of jest or uncertainty. There is a moment of silence, pregnant with anticipation, as the weight of your words settles between you.

A gentle smile graces Azul's lips, radiating warmth and affection. The flush on his cheeks deepens, adding to his irresistible charm. In that instant, he becomes the epitome of loveliness, a sight that captivates your heart and steals your breath away. His vulnerability, displayed in the gentle quiver of his lips, only makes you appreciate him more deeply.

Azul coughed gently as he covers his mouth, an attempt to regain composure and gather his thoughts. His gaze briefly averts, the vulnerability replaced by a sense of composed professionalism. His words stumble out, laced with a touch of awkwardness, but beneath it all, his true intentions shine through.

"W-well, obviously we're going to go through the proper procedure and an interview…" he stammers, the uncertainty in his voice betraying his attempt at maintaining a façade of formality.

But then, Azul's hand finds yours, his fingers intertwining with yours. The touch is delicate yet electric, sending a jolt of warmth coursing through your veins. The colours intensify, the air brimming with an electric energy that crackles between you. And when he speaks, his voice becomes a soothing melody, a sound that resonates within the depths of your soul, a melody you long to hear every day.

"But Angelfish," he says, his voice a tender caress that wraps around your heart, "you would not only be fit for the job, but you would bring a light to my days that no other secretary ever could. I can think of no better person than you."

His words penetrate the barriers you've built around your heart, shattering the doubts and fears that have plagued you for so long. A surge of joy and relief washes over you, manifesting as a bright smile that graces your face. Your eyebrows furrow shyly, a remnant of your school days, as if you're transported back to that time when everything was new and uncertain. But this time, there is no more running away, no more holding back.

This time, you would surely become his.

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