#i can post that next for those who don't have her deck

[lizpaige]

okay wait I find the TRC graphic novel major arcana tarot assignments are so interesting and I am assuming that MStief had a say in this, so let me share some quotes from her book about tarot for the individual card meanings. Tarot has all different meanings with similar themes, but I thought it'd be interesting to look at what stief thinks about these cards herself.

All quotes are from Illuminating the Prophecy by Maggie Stiefvater. I highly recommend the book if you're interest in tarot or just are obsessed with the series.

BLUE - JUSTICE "When you see the Justive card, it reminds you that you may have fudged the rules a little and got away with it, or you may have persuaded others that your dubious choice was a correct one, but the universe believes in an absolute right or wrong, and you will get what you deserve based upon that. This card is also a reminder that your reward or punishment is often unseen. A bad turn performed on someone else will haunt you years later, and likewise, an unnoticed kind event will create its own reward inside you. At the end of it, you will become the product of these actions: you are the Justice. There's an intense comfort to knowing that you have this control, especially if you feel your good intentions are being taken poorly." - pg. 41-42

ADAM - THE MAGICIAN "Regardless of who or what you believe in, the Magician is an extraordinary master of all trades, and he is resilient because no matter what the world throws at him, no matter how much he loses, he will always have the most powerful tool at his command: himself." pg. 21-22

GANSEY - THE CHARIOT "The duality that the Lovers card mutters about becomes a proper problem by the time the Chariot shows up in a reading. There are two sides to you, seemingly opposite, and you keep being thrown from one to the other. In many decks, this card depicts two beasts of different color pulling a chariot; when they agree on a direction, the chariot moves forward swiftly. When they disagree, the chariot grinds to a halt. You've ground to a halt... "The chariot's not moving because you can't figure out how to get yourself in line. You can't figure out which you you want to be. The Chariot isn't really about choice, though. It's about balance. You aren't cutting one of the beasts free so that you can move on without it. The chariot will move with only pone of them, but not as fast as if you found a way to make them both move in the same direction. The Chariot tells you that there is a way to satisfy the warring parts of you. Find your self-control, embrace your dark and light sides, and enjoy the ride." pg. 33-34

RONAN - THE LOVERS "This card can represent actual lov ers, and when it does, the love pictured is epic - the pairing pof two souls so complementary that it seems obvious that some greater power has designed them for each other. But it can also represent a duality inside you, and the complementary pairing it refers to is your inner self and your outer self. Just like in a great love affair, everything is perfect when both sides of you are working in harmony. And just like in a great love affair, the world crumbles when you war with yourself. The card speaks to the power of wholeness and knowing yourself." - pg. 31-32

NOAH - THE HANGED MAN "The Hanged Man is all about sacrifice - not a martyr's sacrifice, but a scholar's sacrifice. He goes not only willingly, but pleasantly toward his hanging, certain that the time spent in agony will be worth it... When this card shows up in your reading, it's a sign that whatever answer you seek is not going to simply be handed to you. You need to level up in some way, and it's going to require a genuine effort on your part. It doesn't mean that it requires hard work or a huge sum of money... It requires you to literally prostrate yourself on the altar of wisdom, holding yourself vulnerable, looking deep inside yourself for answers. You've got to let go and be willing to let knowledge and transformation take you." - pg. 43-44

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Good Omens graphic novel update: December 2024

We promised a graphic novel treat for December to send off 2024, which we have at the end of the update, so let's dive in!

Colleen has been working diligently ahead of the graphic novel going to print next month, which she discussed over on Patreon. For those looking for more behind the scenes on both Good Omens and Colleen's work more broadly, we recommend either following her Substack, or subscribing via Patreon, as she approaches the finish line.

A snapshot from our production HQ where dummy books of the graphic novel, slipcase and other editions of Good Omens have been arriving thick and fast. The graphic novel (slipcased version shown) has quite the heft to it. It's going to be such a magnificent object inside and out.

Here, we're testing out the various papers, finishes, embellishments and more – everything is falling into place!

Merch-wise, some more delights. The A.Z. Fell & Co tote bag design is in, one side in celebration of our favourite angelic bookseller, the other as if it's been purchased from the bookshop itself, so you can take your pick.

We've got more pins that will be available in the 3-pin set add ons. While the full list will be available in 2025, we're happy to share a few more to get excited about:

On the trading card front, have a look at some of the base deck designs by Steve Gregson and Kirsty Hunter in situ as this all comes together rather nicely, and causes a heated game or two behind the scenes.

And, a quick admin note to wrap up that we always recommend checking the FAQ page as a first port of call for any queries. If you have questions tied to specific tiers, we'd suggest checking the last few updates if your answer can't be found on the FAQ. If there is any information required for your pledge, we will be in touch. We will be back at full steam in the New Year!

Thank you.

So, to wrap up this year's updates, we give you the draft of the full first scene of the graphic novel, artwork by Colleen Doran and lettering by Lois Buhalis. If you'd like to wait until the graphic novel publishes in Spring, skip everything after the ducks!

To 2025 🥂

Until next time.

+ post from Colleen Doran:

Good Omens: You Get...Stuff Like This

In the most recent Good Omens update at the Kickstarter, a few people got upset at the suggestion that you have to get past my paywall here to see Good Omens updates.

Except you really don't, and the post doesn't actually say you do. You get a bit more, like pics of my studio, a discussion of tools and process - but not all of that is exclusively about Good Omens.

I think the Dunmanifestin team just wanted to draw a little attention to my blogs and other works, for which I am very grateful.

As my Patreon supporters already know, Good Omens info posted here gets to the Substack and Kickstarter eventually. And since most of my posts here aren't just about Good Omens, but my other projects and personal stuff, as well as links to our weekly Virtual Art Studio sessions, I think I'm justified in keeping that material behind a paywall.

In fact, I don't think I've posted much stuff about Good Omens since the summer: pages of flats like the one you see above, a few studio photos, and color tweaks.

Also, me boo-hooing about my nerves and health.

But for those who feel left out missing even this small amount of stuff, then the screen shot above is for you.

That's called a flat.

It's a prelim color before adding final color.

Here's what the final color looks like.

So I've posted a handful of this sort of thing since this summer, but frankly, there's even more of my sketches and so on posted at my Instagram that aren't here at all.

For those who don't know, I am doing most of the color myself on the book, but I am working with assistants. I'm not sure how much the Dunmanifestin team wants out there before the big reveals, but here's a snippet of a sky.

In the first image, my flat color.

And after my assistant worked on it.

Here, I've done a repaint. Sometimes I do very extensive repaints after the assistant works on a page. Sometimes not so much. I didn't use assistants on many pages at all. About 80% of the labor on the color of the book is my work.

However, the assistants have been a big help, and I am very appreciative of them.

I will make a point to go through all my prior posts and get every single bit of art that you haven't seen and make it public for all of you in the coming weeks. I need to excise it from previous posts. As I respect the privacy of all my readers, I never make prior posts public without their permission as they may not want their comments or identities to be public.

Thanks so much for everything!

[a-sad-mage]

In the current HC posts I've made about the Shane Gang, and just Slugterra in general cuz brain rot, I've kept a running gag of sorts.

That's being everyone but Eli, punching Will Shane, Eli's father, regardless of their own perception of the man.

And I'm here to defend my stance like the mediocre comedian I am-

So

At the start of the series, everyone and their grandmother is shocked to learn Will Shane had a son. Though some seem to just accept it as fact because "Shane's and their secrets haha"

And, holy fuck, ever noticed how whenever Eli talked about his dad, he sorta clams up a bit? Like he gets visibly sad, and immediately shakes it off and is back to happy-go-lucky?

Like, it's fairly obvious he hasn't talked much about his dad since the letter. Since you know, everyone assumed Will died, and Blakk possibly murdered him given the whole rumor about Blakk having been the last person to see Will alive.

I'm re-watching the show rn, and I'm on the Eastern Caverns Arc and in one EP Kord brings up the Gang heading back to the Western Caverns to find Eli's dad because, yeah they did what they promised Junjie, help him get home and even take down the Emperor. And Eli visibly gets sad and more or less says his dad can wait, the Eastern Caverns still need help and so done Junjie by proxy.

Eli basically said, his dad can wait-

Im rambling, so moving on-

Eli, up until A Distant Shore, is probably an emotional wreck?

Think about it, his dad probably died when he was like 10 or something, had to most likely distance himself from people like right after in prep for the Drop, his mom left him at his great Uncle's and he has not seen her since, first two days in Slugterra and he's started beefing with a fifty something year old man who probably murdered his dad, learned Will wasn't exactly all that good of a person(see Tom Por), the whole Twist situation, and like, basically everything he has had to deal with.

Had it not been for Pronto, Trixie or Kord, Eli would have crumbled under pressure or straight up died.

And in A Distant Shore, the Gang notes how erratic he's acting about Gar and the Burning World?

Like Trixie is fully ready to slap Eli because, holy fudge man, get a grip your acting weirder than normal. Only for Eli to drop the biggest secret, ever like an hour later.

And with that secret out in the open, Eli starts opening up more.

And the gang slowly come to the conclusion that while yes, Will Shane was a hero, he made choices, and some of those choices negativity effect Eli even if they shouldn't have. And that being a 'Shane' is not as glamorous as they thought it would be.

They were aware of the pressure being a Shane came with. They live with Eli, they are a part of the Shane Gang, they see, live, and experience the hardships Eli faces as well. And are aware just how screwed Eli, let alone anyone in the young Shane's position would be in, with all the secrets, the ones they know, and the ones they have to find out and possibly stumble into even if they don't wana know.

That is a type of pressure, and responsibility no one, especially a 15 year old kid should have to be burden with.

And while it wasn't Will's intention, unfortunately the stuff he, as the 'Protector of Slugterra', left a mess Eli would have to try and clean up.

And this isn't covering the fact the problems previous Shane's left to the next generation to fix for one reason or another.

hence, everyone in the Gang wanting to deck Will in the face, because while, technically it wasn't Will's fault, it doesn't change the fact Will actively kept secrets from his son that could have helped him in the possibility of Will not being there to guide Eli. Will knew things were going south, to some extent, and he didn't leave many, if no hits at all, or something that could have made the transition easy.

Like idk bro, could have left a cryptic note or something about some people who have it out for your family or something instead of letting your teenage son walk into a hornets nest more or less blind and with a stick?

And yes, I fully understand plots, narrative, and other writing things.

Will Shane might as well be the biggest Chekhov's Gun in the series because everything somehow links back to him more so than any other Shane before Eli. With the only cannon thing that doesn't i can think of is Jimmo's journal, but as previous ranted about, Will was the one who probably lost it, as Will was the Shane that came after Jimmo(im still mad about that lol). And even if Will didn't, man's didn't think to make sure it was stashed somewhere it wouldn't be found or some shit.

[Obviously not including anything happening in the Eastern Caverns]

Look, Eli's dad is in no way perfect, and the show did, at least i think, a damn good job expressing that, through how Eli and others talk about him. The man, clearly loved his son, and did try to protect him from a lot of things and had things been different, would have been there for his son for as long as he could till Eli could stand on his own, and even then still be there to support him.

That doesn't mean Will Shane is exempted from judgment, from freaking anyone.

And anyone who has spent time to actually get to know Eli could see just how much everything has affected him. He should not be in the life or death situations he's been in, not yet, not without more than some natural skills and good luck.

as for everyone else?

I mean, come on. Will Shane made a fair few enemies, and safe to say not everyone liked the guy. That much is blatantly stated, so clearly, there would be a number of people that would love to just, deck the guy in the face.

Yeah, so tldr: my permanent HC that transcends all my Slugterra Au's and work is that Will Shane has a long list of people who want to beat him up.

[firstelevens]

hi! sambucky + 39. jaw kisses, if you like!!

39. jaw kisses

[poe dameron voice] somehow the teachers au returned

When Sam was little, somewhere after he'd learned that teachers didn't live at school but before he'd started to understand that they were complete people, he thought that maybe teachers were sad when school closed for the summer. What did they even do if they weren't welcoming students to their classrooms? Who would they spend their days with? Did they miss their students?

He'd posed his questions to his parents, who'd told him that he was sure teachers found a way to manage without their students in the long summer months. He'd been dubious at the time, but accepted their answer and resolved to confirm with his teachers when he got back to school. Then, of course, he promptly forgot.

Sam, now with a decade of teaching under his belt and no tension in his muscles for the first time since last September, can officially confirm that teachers manage just fine in the summertime. He loves his students and his job, he really does. He just also loves that he won't have to think about all of that again until the beginning of August. Until then, he can spend his mornings enjoying the quiet out on the deck, sipping coffee in the shade of the willow tree that keeps the backyard cool all summer long.

Most of the neighbors are out to make the most of the day. Sam saw Mrs. Harper from across the street when he went out to get the paper, and she told him to expect a box of zucchini and tomatoes for him and his 'nice young man.' Sam had replied that his young man was anything but nice, but Mrs. Harper, who'd been charmed by Bucky ever since he'd fixed that loose board on her porch, would hear absolutely none of it. On the other side of the house, there's people running in and out of the Jones' place, filling up the car for what must be a beach day, given the striped umbrellas and ice-filled coolers.

His back is to the deck doors as he takes it all in, but Sam has a sixth sense for some things, and he smiles a little as he hears the sliding door open and the quiet grumbling that follows. Sam doesn't turn around, just waits a beat and then feels a strong arm wrap around his waist, the scrape of Bucky's stubble against the place where Sam's neck meets his shoulder.

"You left," Bucky says, and it would be muffled beyond recognition if Sam and Bucky didn't have some variation of this conversation every single time Sam woke up before him.

"Some of us happen to like mornings and don't want to miss them," says Sam. "You should try it sometime. We could make the most of it."

"Mornings are great. Mornings when I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn and spend eight hours corralling teenagers are even better," says Bucky, dropping a kiss at the base of Sam's neck, and then another just a little higher up. "I love mornings. I just prefer them from bed. With you."

"Here I thought people slept less as they got older."

"That's a myth," Bucky says, nosing his way up the side of Sam's neck and trailing kisses as he goes. "Those people just don't have anything good to stay in bed for."

"Are you saying you won't come on early morning fishing trips with me and the boys next week?" asks Sam.

"If I go with you, who'll you show your fish off to when you get home, huh?" asks Bucky, his mouth at the hinge of Sam's jaw. He kisses there twice, then adds, "Don't worry, no matter what you come back with, I'll be ready to post on Instagram about how my boyfriend caught the biggest fish I've ever seen. We'll photoshop it if we need to, do a little augmenting. There's no shame in needing a little help, you know."

"Keep talking about augmenting and we're gonna find out how much you like experiencing mornings from the couch."

Bucky laughs. "Maybe you should shut me up then, huh?"

Sam sets his coffee on the railing and turns. He tries to school his face into something serious, but he immediately grins at the sight of Bucky, all sleep-rumpled with his hair sticking up and pillow creases on his face. He means to joke around, but he can't do anything but lean in and kiss Bucky, sweet and unhurried.

"Morning, baby," he says, probably too soft as he pulls Bucky close.

"Morning, sweetheart," says Bucky, smiling back just as smitten as Sam feels. "You sleep okay? Your new roommates keep you up at all?"

"Well, one of them was a perfect angel even when she got locked out of the other bedroom," says Sam. "But the other one had some kind of vendetta against me being asleep."

Bucky hums, thoughtful. "He sounds like a problem."

"Oh, he is," Sam says, grinning as Bucky steals another kiss and pulls him closer. "But I think I'll keep him anyway."

"How generous of you," says Bucky. He opens his mouth to say something else and then closes it abruptly, his eyes going wide at something over Sam's shoulder.

"What?" Sam asks after waiting to see if it's a joke. He starts to turn. "What is it?"

But Bucky stops him where he is, hand digging into Sam's hip. "Don't look!" he hisses. "They'll see you!"

"Bucky, who's 'they'?"

"Them!" hisses Bucky, his eyes darting back to whatever's behind Sam. "The entire high school yearbook staff that's assembled in the neighbors' backyard right now!"

"Oh," says Sam in belated realization. That explains the two minivans in the Jones' driveway. "It's beach week."

"Beach week," Bucky repeats, his voice flat. "That's why a dozen recently-graduated students of ours are standing in the driveway and very pointedly staring everywhere but here?"

"Please, they're not actually doing that," says Sam, but Bucky stops him before he can turn to check.

"Do you really want to have the conversation you'll end up having if you turn around right now and one of them is looking at us?"

Sam doesn't have to imagine it for more than half a second before he cringes. "God, no."

"Great, me neither," says Bucky. "So we're just going to keep lovingly gazing at each other and move back towards the house, and we're never teaching these kids again, so once they leave, we never have to think about how they definitely saw us kissing just now."

"Michelle is literally my next door neighbor, Bucky. Yours, too, now."

"Yeah, and she's known about us for years and never told anyone. Michelle, I trust. Everyone else is an unknown quantity."

"An 'unknown quantity'?" repeats Sam. "Who are you, the Mission Impossible guy?"

"Only on my days off," says Bucky, and it's only as he reaches out to slide open the door that Sam realizes he maneuvered them across the deck without breaking eye contact or interrupting their conversation.

"Shit, I think you actually might be," says Sam, as they step back into the kitchen and slide the door shut. It's only when he turns to look back at the yard that he realizes what happened. "Dammit Barnes, I left my coffee outside."

"The squirrels can have it," says Bucky. "Forget coffee on the deck; we're sticking to my original plan and going back to bed."

Sam raises his eyebrows. "At nine AM?"

"We're getting an early start," says Bucky, already heading down the hallway, and Sam can hear the cheeky grin on his face. "You know, someone told me recently that I should be making the most of my mornings."

With a growl, Sam pushes off the wall and takes off after Bucky.

It's summertime, and they're managing more than just fine.

[missmarveledsblog]

Flumpy ( jake seresin x reader) part 8

summary : the moment he was dreading came jake got his deployment papers , terrified since this is first time he's been in love while on deployment , he self sabotages everything maybe even losing the best thing he's ever had in his life can he make it right in four weeks before he's to leave for three months

warning : angst . jakes a bit of a dick in this one ( don't kill me ) hurt

a.n. : i know i said last part would be part 8 but i can't leave it at that so i'll be posting new parts over the next few days <3

The hard deck  was busier than usual  as it was convention season  meaning people all over the US and even abroad coming to san diego trying to get a room and good night out experience while they were there .   many woman and men flocking in as a chance to bed a man in a uniform like it was a universal bucket  list goal .  This used to be a prime time for jake seresin like his own personal christmas in the past to bed these women with no expectations of anything else giving  they would be go by end of the weekend back to where ever they came from .  But now it was different it was just another weekend at the hard deck since he got the girl of his dreams even if said girl was currently dressed up as some game character having an intense argument  or  “ discussion” with fanboy about some sci fi show he’s never seen  or was it a game  he was unsure after  half hour .  He wasn’t going to lie when he discovered his girl was a major nerd fully into the whole dress up thing was probably the hottest thing especially when it was his beautiful girl .  her wig long forgot tuck in his truck safely but the costume she had on made him strain in his pants most of the night . the downside of  it was he wasn’t the only one that thought she looked good , guys asking if they could take picture with his girl , his flumpy well it brought out  the jealous side in jake . he watched every time she went to the bar or if she was playing pool how the eyes lingered on her  a little too long .  he found himself standing behind wrapping his arm around her waist , placing kisses on her neck  letting them all see she was his  not that she was complaining at all . 

It also didn’t help he got those dread papers that told him he was to spend three months away from the woman he love. He never had this before , he never gotten to the stage with women to wait for him while he was deployed , he was going to let her enjoy the weekend let her  have her fun , he could tell her while she was so excited and so happy it would crush her. But he wouldn’t be lying if  it wasn’t driving him more crazy knowing he’d be away for three months and guys would be looking at her like that when he’s not around it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her , he didn’t trust his fellow men .  the dagger squad would be there to be there for her , it was just all new for him  and it scared the hell out of him . 

She loved convention week  truly she got to let her nerd side run free  and even more so having a friend like fanboy to join her and an amazing boyfriend who hyped her up even if he’d no clue who the character was . what she didn’t like though was the base bunnies  that came from all over looking at her man like he was some sort of prize to attain .  how their hungry eyes tried devour him when he was playing darts or heading to the bar . she couldn’t blame them though jake in his uniform was drool inducing material . how big his arms looked almost straining in the khakis  or how he stood tall like a tree but at end of the day that was her tree . winning her debate with fanboy she sat with nat as the guys teamed up  on game of pool  , the weird addition to the squad and one man she didn’t see coming was kyle. Turns out he wasn’t such a bad guy after all just a dumb guy trying to make an impression but learning a lesson and knowing the right way to go about thing or was it the brunette beside her that had him changing his ways . like a different man altogether  to prove he was worth a chance he and nat hit it off . took them all awhile to get used to  come around especially jake but even he ended up giving the guy a chance .   the two watched their men team up against fanboy and payback on the pool table shamelessly ogling their men  and they weren’t the only ones . 

“ god if they don’t stop i think i may end up in a cell tonight” y/n huffed  eyes glaring around the bar. 

“ down girl , nothing to worry about plus jakes been staking his claim all  night and kyles not far behind him  but it is slightly annoying” nat agreed. 

“ ugh i need a drink you want one?” she hopped off stool . 

“ nah but the boys look like their beers need a refill” . 

“On it lieutenant trace” she saluted making nat snort out laughing. 

It was hard to manoeuvre  almost bumping into everyone on the way  . she finally reached the front of the bar almost dramatically as penny came over taking her order she sat waiting for the drink feeling someone bump into her harshly . 

“ hey watch it asshole… mark?” her head tilted seeing an old college buddy last she heard he was across the pond . 

“ hey short stuff what you doing here” he cheered almost lifting her up in a hug. 

“ erm i could say the same thing mr i moved to the uk” she laughed. 

“ my husband got transferred to a firm here in san diego so boom here we are” he chuckled . 

“  i knew it lizzy and kelly thought i was full of shit but the gaydar is never wrong” she jumped excitedly.  

“ i mean it was very obvious  i don’t know how i was blind myself to it” he rolled his eyes . 

“ well i went through something like that myself .. i mean not sexuality but i was totally blind to see my boyfriend was in love with me … long story” she snorted . 

“ oh well since  we should meet up for coffee and share the long storie , here put your number in  and we’ll sort the detail” he smiled handing her his phone. 

“ who hell is talking to , why is she taking his phone ?” jake frowned watching the scene  transpire  usually his rational side would chalk down to something reasonable but he never seen this guy before nor has she mention a friend in the hard deck and he knew all her friend hell the were sitting with him in that moment. 

“ ask her  and you’ll see  its nothing” phoenix rolled her eyes knowing it was nothing. 

“ dude looks like a male model or some shit”  kyle spoke up . 

“ not helping newbie” fanboy winced. Jake was pissed  the attention she’d been getting all day and night pissing him off , maybe he wasn’t thinking right or maybe it would be easier not to have her waiting for him , to worry about if he was going to be coming back or not .  it was stupid idea but maybe it was the right one . 

“ hey jake thought i might find you here” a voice purred . 

“ hey cassie not the time” he huffed  she was probably  the only regular he had when it came to convention time. 

“ looks like i came right  time , you look all tense maybe we could head to my hotel i can help you out” she smiled fingers dancing up his chest . 

“ yeah not happening “ a voice called pulling her hand away . 

“ and why wouldn’t it sorry little girl i got here first and we go way back” cassie smiled clinging to jakes arm. 

“ i’d suggest you get yourself off my boyfriend before you get a reservation in the hospital lady” y/n almost growled. 

“ wasn’t your boyfriend when you were getting that dudes number” he scoffed. 

“ doesn’t seem like your boyfriend want me to leave” cassie smirked as y/n furrowed while jakes made no  way to move the woman.  Why wasn’t he moving the woman from his arm. 

“ actually i was going to ask you to come to dinner with that dude and his husband during week but i can see your busy,  can’t believe you thought i would do something like that to you ” she placed the drinks down and grab her coat and bag rushing through the crowd not caring who she hit on her way   . 

“ shit y/n wait   ..get off me “ he moved  pushing through the crowd  realising this wasn’t the right idea it wasn’t even close to the right idea.  By the time he got out of the bar she was long gone , pulling his phone out trying to call her but it just kept going to voicemail .  he just maybe fucked up the best thing that had happened to him all because of his own fears and stupidity .  his head hung low he called a cab to take him home try and see if he could fix the whole mess  that’s even if she would hear him out. 

She felt sick to her stomach , how could he not trust her , how could he think she would do something like that to him when she spent majority of her time showing him he was the love of her life maybe he was bored with her. Maybe after it all he just wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship god she felt so stupid  and even worse they lived together how the hell was she going to navigate it all . she couldn’t even think of that now everything hurt  from a migraine to the feeling of her heart hurting like it that tramp at the bar  took it from her chest and stomped on it . maybe they rushed into things and he changed his mind on how he feels now she was crying in the back  of an uber while the poor driver didn’t know what to say he probably thought she was a nut job in her costume  and make up that was definitely down her face now. Her phone kept buzzing and beeping between jake and nat calling her non stop . she text nat to let her know she got uber home and she’d ring when she was better as for jake she didn’t even bother to text or ring him well she did telling him to leave her alone. 

The moment she got home she headed straight her room thankfully roo was out or else it would be world war three in the house she knew that much for sure . she grabbed the clothes jake left in her room and through them into the hall before locking her bedroom door heading to the shower needing to wash away the night , hoping the hot water would help relax her now tense muscles so she could go sleep . she was too mentally exhausted to even bare confronting him .  she heard the front door open  , she heard the footstep running down the hall , she heard the banging on her door and his pleading to  talk to him . 

He felt sick seeing his thing thrown to the floor ,  the door to her room locked  and it broke his heart when he could hear her crying . he did that , he hurt her because he was a coward  . self sabotaging the best thing that he ever had . he felt his own tears coming falling down his cheek  ,  he felt his back hitting the door and sliding to the floor hoping this was some sort nightmare he was going to wake up from .  he would wake and she would be wrapped in his arms and yet he knew it wasn’t the case he knew he truly well and truly fucked up . but he wasn’t going to give up til he made it right , show her he made a stupid mistake his deployment was four weeks he could do it right?.

part 9

taglist : @harrysgothicbitch @djs8891 @darksparklesficrecs @emma8895eb

[oopsallgoalies]

False Confidence: Chapter 7

Pairing: Javy “Coyote” Machado x Reader

Part of the San Diego Dogfighters universe

Summary: The Athletic named Javy Machado the fifth sluttiest player in the NHL last year. He’s a known playboy who leaves every game with a different girl. As far as he’s concerned he’s living the dream, playing his dream job with the dream lifestyle. Unfortunately his friends and bosses don’t agree. At 33, they think it’s time for him to settle down. You’re a kindergarten teacher at an esteemed private school. You don't expect much when you finally accept your colleague’s invitation to attend her husband’s hockey game but when you accidentally get separated in the post-game rush, you find yourself in a compromising situation with the last person you’d ever expected to meet. When his PR rep suggests a mutually beneficial agreement, your hands are tied. How long will you have to keep up the act? And how long will you be able to?

Chapter CW: 18+ ONLY, swearing, angst, fluff, fake relationship, mentions of death, suggestive language, anxiety, school system inaccuracies, hockey inaccuracies etc. There will be individual chapter warnings. No use of Y/N.

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: This one’s kind of quick but it is what it is

Previous Chapter // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

When you wake up on Wednesday, the shame and anxiety that clawed your heart to sleep last night have melted into simmering anger that licks into white-hot fury as the day goes on. Last night when you’d left the bar, you’d felt so stupid. Stupid for believing that Javy respected you enough to be loyal to your agreement even if he didn’t have to be loyal to you. That’s the thing, the women didn’t bother you. You’d known what you were getting into the second Javy shoved his tongue down your throat the day you met. That and when you’d made it clear that you had no intention of warming his bed, you’d acknowledged that someone else probably would be. You’d just hoped he would respect you enough to have a little discretion. Zam was right, the bar was full of people with phones, cameras, and social media that would have eaten photos of Javy and those girls right up.

This time when you pull into the parking garage at Hard Deck Arena, your hands don’t shake as you hold back the urge to slam your car door as your flats slap against the concrete floors and the sound echoes through the space. You wrench the door to the arena open and trust your feet as they guide you to the door marked with the pink plaque. You knock on the door and thankfully a voice from inside calls out for you to enter. You barely wait for the door to shut before the words are out of your mouth. “I want out.” Zam looks up from her computer, pink lips parting slightly in surprise, though whether that’s due to your unexpected visit or what you’ve just said, you’re unsure. When she doesn’t answer, you enunciate the words again. “I. Want. Out. I’m done with the contract.” That seems to burst whatever bubble she’s trapped in.

“Roadie…” She says and you shake your head.

“No Zam, I’m done. I mean it.” Her lips purse into a thin line and she nods slowly. “Is there something I need to sign or anything? I can’t exactly afford a lawyer right now but I can try and figure out something if I have to.” You’re running out of steam now that Zam’s confirmed that you can get out of the contract. Relief washes cool through your veins, soothing the anger that’s been powering you all day.

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s not like you’re on our payroll or anything. The contract was more of a formality for the legal team in case things went sideways for any particular reason. “Consider it done unless you want to rip the physical copy up for closure.”

You’re surprised when you nod. “Yeah, I think I would actually,” she smiles faintly at that as she nods and gets up to root around in a file cabinet. She pulls a familiar sheet of paper out of a pink manila folder before she hands it over to you. You take a long look at the contract, unable to stop your eyes from wandering to the bottom of the page and tracing your and Javy’s signatures. This is for the best. You grip the top of the paper and rip. The sound seems to echo in the quiet of the room. That is, until the door swings open without warning and Javy walks into Zam’s office unannounced.

“Zam have you heard from-“ he blinks, surprised, as he takes in the sight of you, blinking back at him wide-eyed. “…Roadie.” You’ve moved to tear the contract smaller and you break the silence with the sound before you’re attempting to make it past Javy to the door of Zam’s office. Javy sticks an arm out to grab the door that’s still in the process of swinging closed behind him, effectively barring your path. “Hey Roadie, I’ve been trying to reach you all day.” You blocked his number last night once you got home. Originally you’d planned for it to be temporary while you gathered your thoughts. Now you doubt it’s a decision that will ever be undone.

You suppress the urge to roll your eyes and school your features, pressing the torn pieces of the contract into his chest which he has the sense to grab with his free hand while you duck under his arm, making your escape. You don’t look back as you call out to him. “Goodbye, Javy.”

***

Javy leans on the doorbell with a force that he should be concerned about, but he can’t find himself to care. The sound of a chorus of barks makes him slump with relief until the door swings open and it’s not who he’s looking for. Bugs is standing in the doorway, arms crossed across her chest as Pudding and Taz squirm from where they're sitting behind her legs, no doubt commanded to remain there by their mother. Her brow is furrowed and she’s glaring at him. While Javy’s been on the other side of Zam’s wrath, he’s had yet to cross his best friend’s girlfriend and somehow her wrath is scarier than his PR rep’s. He swallows, hard.

“Bugs,” he acknowledges and her brow furrows deeper but she doesn’t say a word. “Listen, is Jake here?” He asks, scratching the back of his neck, the tension making him uncomfortable. She hums in a way that gives him nothing before stepping back from the doorway and jerking her chin towards the living room, a silent invitation for him to come in.

He steps into the house and Bugs directs the dogs to move for him before she leads them off to where he assumes she’s planning to keep them while he and Jake talk. Javy’s surprised to find the living room is empty when he gets there, however, and just as he’s about to turn around and search for either of the house’s inhabitants, Bug’s voice startles him. “Sit down, Javy.” The firmness of her tone doesn’t leave room for argument so he sits down on the couch, awkwardly. She stands across from him. “Javy, four months ago you were asking me not to hurt Jake and now I feel like we’ve reversed roles here.” Her anger melts and Javy gets a look at the tired woman behind her anger. “What you did was cruel, Javy. I don’t know why you did it, and maybe I don’t deserve to know, but she does, Javy. She deserves closure even if she can’t have your respect.”

The sound of the front door breaks the silence followed by the sound of Jake’s voice. “Bunny, I’m home, are you here?”

“In the living room, babe, we’ve got company.”

Jake appears in the living room a few moments later, hair pushed back and damp with sweat. He looks like he’s just gotten back from a run. “Javy,” he says and Javy nods to acknowledge his best friend. Jake looks between Javy and Bugs before he tilts his head towards the back door. “Come for a walk with me?” He asks and Javy nods again, wordlessly before he stands and leads the way to the back door.

Jake doesn’t say anything until they’ve made it halfway down the beach behind the house. “So, Javy what are you doing here?” He asks like he doesn’t already know.

“Look, man, I…” Javy trails off, letting his eyes follow the water as it laps up against their bare feet. “I fucked up. I know that.” Jake shakes his head.

“You didn’t just fuck up, Javy,” Jake says, and Javy flinches at the bitterness in Jake’s voice. “You made a promise to Roadie. You signed a damn contract, and then not only did you embarrass her, but you did it at an event YOU invited her to. What the actual FUCK, man? What did that sweet girl ever do to deserve that?” He shakes his head. “Hell, Javy I signed off on this, I let this happen, and you went and did something not only extremely rude but it was cruel. And I know no matter what happened between the two of you, she didn’t deserve that, Javy. Not from anyone, and certainly not from you.”

“I know I just…”

“You just WHAT, Javy?!” Jake snaps finally and Javy looks up, surprised. Jake’s genuinely upset with him. “I’ve kept my mouth shut for years man, because no matter what you were doing at least it was mutually understood between you and whatever girl you were fooling around with that it wasn’t serious. No one was getting hurt so I kept my damn mouth shut and let it happen. I thought one day you’d wake up from whatever daydream it is you’re stuck in and decide to grow up even if you didn’t want to settle down because I respect that if that’s not something you want. And then Roadie got involved and I thought maybe it was the start of something new and maybe she’d be the catalyst that got you to change and not only did you not change but someone actually got hurt this time, Javy.”

“Don’t pretend that you understand,” Javy grits out, fists tightening next to him.

“Understand what, Javy? What is there to understand? I’ve been begging you to explain it for years and you refuse to-”

“Because you wouldn’t get it!” Javy snaps, turning on Jake. “And don’t you dare pretend to understand because you don’t!”

“Why, why wouldn’t I-”

“BECAUSE YOU LEFT!” Javy snaps and Jake has the good sense to look surprised. “You left Arizona and you never once thought about how that affected everyone else, about how that affected me!” His chest is heaving as the anvil that’s been sitting on it for years lifts. “And I didn’t hate you for it, I really tried not to. You had a chance to be close to home and you took it and I couldn’t be mad, I really couldn’t. You were amazing and you were destined for greatness and maybe it was childish of me, but I always thought we’d be great together.” He shakes his head, trying to ignore the sting of tears threatening to push their way to the surface. “And then, after I’d finally made peace with it, you got hurt, left Dallas, and came to San Diego, knowing I would be there, and you didn’t even bother to give me a heads up. You were my brother, Jake, I always considered you one. But somewhere along the way, you reminded me that I’m not, not really.”

Jake has the good sense to look embarrassed. “Okay, Javy, I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I didn’t realize me going to Dallas meant so much to you. And I know I’ve already apologized for what happened when I came here and I know I can’t do anything to make up for what I did, but I’m going to work every single day to try and make up for that.” He shakes his head. “But why does Roadie have to pay for my mistakes?” He asks and Javy feels his chest squeeze uncomfortably.

“I never knew my dad,” Javy whispers and he hates how quiet his voice sounds. “You know that.” He swallows, hard. “And my uncle passed when we were in college. The two most important men in my life were gone before I even turned 20. And then you left too. Everyone was leaving and I didn’t know how to cope with it. I didn’t want to be alone. I hated the way it made me feel and I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I didn’t want to be alone, but I also didn’t ever want to be the reason someone felt the way I did.” He shrugs, lightly. “So I made sure that couldn’t happen.”

“By keeping things casual.” Jake finishes and Javy nods. “The problem is, someone actually got hurt this time.” Javy sighs deeply.

“Yeah, someone actually got hurt this time.”

“If you don’t want to hurt anyone, why did you do it?” Jake asks, but all the malicious ferocity from earlier has left his voice.

Javy shakes his head. “It was supposed to be fake, you know? It wasn’t supposed to be real, but damn it, it started feeling real. Or at least as real as I can remember anything feeling. I didn’t think, I invited her to karaoke without really thinking about it, and then the moment I had a moment to actually think about it, I panicked. Then those girls were there and it was just so easy to slip into old patterns so I did it without thinking.” He takes a shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.” He hates how weak his voice sounds. “And I don’t know how to make it right.”

“Do you want to?” Jake asks, finally looking at Javy and Javy forces himself to meet the other man’s eyes.

“More than anything.” He pauses for a long moment. “She told Zam she wanted out of the contract. She ripped it up and threw it in my face.”

Jake lets out a chuckle, “good for her.” Javy finds himself matching the smile.

“Honestly, yeah,” he lets his mind drift for a second before his smile widens. “You know, she threw Josie Fitch’s expensive-ass shoes off the edge of the freeway?” Jake barks out a laugh and Javy chuckles in response.

“Did she really?” Javy nods.

“I think that’s the moment I fell in love with her,” Jake’s mouth drops open slightly before he attempts to school his features but Javy catches it. “If you ever tell anyone I said that, I’ll use your spare key and murder you in the dead of night.” Jake mimes zipping his lips before throwing the invisible key into the ocean.

“So what are you going to do to get her back?” Jake asks and Javy smiles to himself.

“I think I have a plan.”

***

It’s been two weeks since you ended the contract. Two weeks since you’ve been to Hard Deck Arena, and two weeks since you last saw Javy. For the most part, your life has gone back to the way it was. Well, except that everyone still thinks you’re dating Javy, not that you’ve done anything to correct them. In your defense, the conversations have never been directed to you so much as at you as you walk into the teachers’ lounge too quickly for the conversation to die before your arrival, or some people simply feeling shameless enough to quiet their voices in your presence.

Today, however, you don’t have time to worry about the whispers as you struggle to accommodate the horde of adults crowding into your classroom that’s never felt small until this exact moment. You try to push down the feeling of embarrassment that’s been plaguing you all morning. In your rush this morning, you’d opted for a cheerful top and jeans for comfort and ease but now, surrounded by suits and smart-looking dresses that make your classroom smell faintly of starch, you feel severely under-dressed. Both students and parents alike are buzzing with excitement as you try and finalize a lineup that allows for the busier parents to get back to their jobs as soon as possible when a knock at your door makes you look up.

Your heart stops in surprise as you see the faces on the other side of the glass. You wave the unexpected visitors in before you can stop yourself and suddenly your room is even more full as two hockey players make their way into the room. Javy gives you a rueful smile while Jake is full-on grinning as he waves at the kids who are gaping at the players. Jake’s simply dressed in his jersey over jeans but Javy’s fully suited up except for his skates that he’s holding in one hand while the other is carrying an equipment bag.

“Mr. Machado!” One of the kids calls out and you push past a group of parents currently snapping photos of the players.

“Jake, Javy,” you shake your head as you try to wrap your head around the situation. “What are you doing here?”

Javy shrugs. “You asked if I would come to Career Day. I know you the deal is over but since I got dinner and lunch, I thought I owed you at least this. And if not for you, then for the kids.” He adds on quickly and you nod before you can stop yourself. Just because you’ve gotten a little braver in the last month doesn’t mean you’re ready to have a fight with your ex-fake-boyfriend in front of your entire class and their parents.

“Okay, okay. Um, just have a seat over there,” you motion over to where the other parents are gathered. “Oh!” You remember as they’re walking past you. Both boys turn to you. “Are you good with going last or do you need to get back to work?” Your brain is screaming at the idea of having to reorder the schedule, especially when a mom in a pantsuit who’s scheduled to go first is currently glaring daggers at the back of your head for the holdup. Jake shakes his head.

“We’ll go whenever you’re ready for us.” You give him an appreciative look and mouth a thank you at them as you head back to the front of the room.

***

An hour later, the last busy parent has just escaped your classroom after waving hurriedly back at their kid and you let your shoulders slump slightly in relief. Of course, there are a few parents remaining that have taken the day off to be here and they’re chatting amongst themselves. You motion over to Jake and Javy who’ve honestly been holding the attention of your class the entire time. As much as the other parents had tried to sway them, their tiny minds were in awe of the bright jerseys and Javy’s equipment.

The boys make their way to the front of the classroom and the class cheers. “Hey guys, it’s nice to see you all again!” Javy greets them and a chorus rises across the classroom.

“Hi, Mr. Machado!” Jake mimes grabbing his chest in response and they all giggle as he introduces himself and enjoys his own hello. You watch on fondly as the boys explain what they do for a living, Jake using Javy as a mannequin to explain the different parts of hockey gear.

Then they move on to the bag Javy brought and then the boys are handing around hockey pucks, one for each one of your students. They’re emblazoned with the Dogfighters’ logo and you watch as your students turn them over in their tiny hands, eyes wide in awe. Your heart aches at the kindness and thoughtfulness of the gift. These kids will remember this moment forever. Javy and Jake are holding up hockey sticks and showing off how to hit a puck with the stick.

Once the demonstration is over, Javy and Jake patiently field questions from the kids and while Jake’s explaining why they can’t wear their skates in the classroom, Javy turns to look at you and you feel your face heat as you’re caught staring. You give him a tiny wave and the corner of his mouth quirks upward and he gives you a tiny wave back. He turns back in time to answer a question from another one of your students.

By the time the bell rings for lunch, your students are still on a roll peppering the boys with questions and you have to corral them into a line and out the door. When you get back from dropping them off, you thank the parents that are left and see them out before you turn to your surprise visitors, crossing your arms across your chest as you regard them warily, the unease creeping into your mind now that you’re alone with them. “Thanks for having us today, Roadie!” Jake says goodnaturedly, as he collects the equipment they brought with them. He turns to Javy, “You should get changed.” Javy nods and gives you a nod before he heads towards the door.

“Oh! If you want, the staff bathrooms are a lot more private. Here I’ll get you my key-” You reach for your neck, rummaging through the keys on your lanyard as a knock sounds and you turn to see Josie leaning against the doorframe.

“Hey boys, I thought I heard familiar voices in here.” She says as she takes in Jake and Javy. You continue to fumble with your keys as speak up. “They came by for career day.”

“Did they now?” Josie says, a thoughtful look in her eye as she regards you a little too cooly and you abandon your key struggle.

“Actually, I should probably walk you down there myself.” You gesture for Javy to follow you, and you try to ignore the knowing look that Josie gives you as you pass her and she steps into your classroom. Once you’re out of earshot you turn to Javy to kill the silence of the hallway. “Thanks for coming today, I can tell it meant a lot to the kids. They’re going to remember today for the rest of their lives, and the pucks were such thoughtful gifts.”

“We actually wanted to bring shirts, but I wasn’t sure what everyone’s sizes were and Josie could only really just get us a head count.” Your heart squeezes slightly at the thought that Javy had reached out to Josie to ask for her help. “I was thinking, and Jake said we could talk to the front office about it, but maybe we could arrange for the kids to come to the arena for a field trip? They could hit some pucks and maybe watch practice? It could be fun.” Your heart squeezes tighter.

“I think they’d like that a lot. I can talk to our front office too and see what I can do on my end.” You say, giving him a tight smile as you reach the staff bathroom. You unlock the door and hold it open for him and you have a sudden thought. “Are you going to need any help with… any of it?” Javy chuckles and shakes his head.

“Don’t worry, Meep, I do this every day, I’ve got it, but thanks for asking.” You take your lanyard off and hand it to him, trying to ignore the fact that he’s still using that name.

“Here, so you don’t have to worry about rushing because I’m waiting. Just lock up when you’re done.” You show him which key as you place the lanyard in his outstretched hand.

“Hey, Meep?” He calls out as you turn to go and you look back at him. “Do you always worry about other people like that?” You tilt your head to the side slightly, surprised by his question.

“Yes, why?”

“It’s nothing,” he says and then he pauses before he speaks up again as you’re about to walk away again. “Isn’t it hard? Worrying about everyone all the time?” You feel your cheeks heat as you shrug in a way that probably looks more like a grimace.

“I’m used to it.” You say simply before you walk back to your classroom.

A/N: I know that this one leaves off on a bit of a cliff hanger but it was a lot to try to jam into one chapter.

[cryptictongues]

184 Days

pairing: Clive Rosfield x Flower!Reader Series rating: Mature (angst; tw listed below) word count: 13.6K summary: You have a hard time grieving after Clive's passing, even when you didn't need to grieve at all.

warnings:  reader-insert (sorry lol), angst, hurt/comfort, reunions, grief/mourning, slight suicidal ideation, slight self-harm, depression, panic attacks, happy ending (yay!) - this is part of the Flower!Reader series! You don't need to have read the other two but there are references to them if that interests you.

Spoilers: This is post-game stuff. If you haven't played the game, beware.

TW's: This fic contains major themes of grief, so it is heavy. There is minor suicidal ideation and self-harm, not graphic in nature, but it is there. Depression and panic attacks are more common in this fic. If these topics don't sit right with you, please be cautious when reading. You may also reach out if you want to know specifics if you are worried!

Songs: I just want to share that I was constantly listening to When the Sun Hits by Slowdive, Thick Skull by Paramore, and Wicked Games by Chris Isaak.

LASTLY, I am sharing this on my birthday! My birthday gift to you all <3

[AO3 link]

Day 1

The Hideaway is full of people. People from all over Valisthea arrive in droves, coming to grant supplies, donate gil, and help around the Hideaway because today is the day; the day everyone here sends off Dion, Joshua, and Clive for their leave to Origin.

You are working overtime, helping with the final preparations before they take off. The biggest reason, however, for the hard work is the ever creeping anxiety filling your body as the time ticks closer to Clive’s departure; from his friends and family, and from you. This day has been a long time coming, yet now that it’s here you can barely stomach the thought of him leaving. With that thought lingering, every moment together has been even more precious than the next. 

Every moment of free time has been spent together. With today being the day of departure, your last moments together were last night. You both made love all night, and in between sessions would talk about what you two will do once he comes back; creating the life of your dreams together. Yet, in the back of your mind, all you could think was those thoughts were just that: dreams. You don’t know what will happen during Clive’s mission. But it’s fun to play pretend, and to envision what life could have in store for the two of you. 

The sun was in its golden state before its colors showed, telling you it’s almost time. You see everyone gathering on the main deck, Clive and co included, talking with one another as they say their farewells and safe travels. You start your way there, walking slowly as if it would prevent the inevitable. You know the moment you reach Clive, it would only be a matter of minutes before he is no longer within your grasp.

You see Clive talking to Jill, bringing her in for a tight hug as he continues. You see a shake in her shoulders, telling you she feels the same way you do. Just as hard as it is to wish your lover away, it must be just as hard to watch the man who has become a brother figure leave. They grew up together, after all.

You give a farewell to Prince Dion and Joshua once on the deck, giving Dion a firm handshake and a bow, while Joshua brings you in for a hug. You didn’t know Dion for long, but Joshua is a different story. Getting to know your lover’s brother has brought you closer to the both of them. Seeing how happy Clive was with Joshua around made your heart swell. You wonder if Joshua ever felt the same about you two. 

Joshua let’s go of you, a melancholy smile drawn on his face. “Thank you, _____. Thank you for taking care of my brother.” 

You shake your head. “No, thank you for finding each other again. I will be praying for the three of you to safely return to us.”

“I appreciate that, my lady.” Joshua thanks, yet his eyes shift, and he nods. “Here he comes.”

You turn to see Clive approaching you, and you already feel your chest growing tight and eyes water. He is standing before you, looking as beautiful as he always has, but with a sorrowful look that says everything you feel. It’s unfair, really. It devastates you that he is the one to stop all the madness, when in a perfect world he would stay. You keep telling yourself this isn’t the end, yet your gut keeps telling you otherwise. 

“____.”

“Would it be selfish of me to ask you to stay? To ask to let the world go to hell?”

Clive smiles, solemnly chuckling at your suggestions. “Never.”

You reach for his left hand with both hands, holding it as you rub your thumbs into his palm. “I know it would be futile, all the same.” You utter. “There would be no life worth living for anyone. I just wish things could be different.”

“I am doing this for a better future for everyone. It is what the world deserves.” Clive’s other hand covers your hands in full. “I must do this, so you and I can live the future we’ve always talked about.”

“I wish I could take your place, so I could guarantee your safety.” You choke out, the waterworks starting. 

Clive is quick to react, pulling you into him as you sob softly into his chest. “Knowing you will be safe here will be reason enough for me to make it back to you.” Your hands squeeze his sides, his statement making you want to sob harder. Clive pulls back, taking one hand to lift your head to get a good look at you. “I promise I will be back. Wait for me.”

You nod frantically, sniffling as you take deep breaths to calm down. Clive’s forehead leans against yours, his thumb brushing continuous strokes on your cheek, before pressing a gentle kiss against your lips. You accept his kiss, giving it your all knowing the outcome is unknown. Both of your lips linger, not wanting to pull away because once one of you does, he will be on his way. 

Clive pulls away slightly, his lips still lingering near your own. “I love you, ____.”

“I love you too.” You whisper, placing one more kiss to his lips before pulling away. “I have something for you.”

You reach into the pouch you keep attached to your corset belt and pull out a lily. You thread the stem in between the crease of his corset and tunic, the tightness of his uniform keeping the flower in place. You brush his chest, stalling him a little longer before you accept it is time. “Lily represents reunion. With this flower, you shall come back to me.”

Clive sucks in a breath, releasing with a shutter as if he was on the verge of tears. “I will, no matter what.” 

You feel a hand on your shoulder, and you turn to see Jill still sniffling with watery eyes. She smiles at you before looking at Clive. “We will take care of each other.”

You feel something rub against your thigh and look to see Torgal rubbing his head on you. You smile, rubbing behind his ears. “Torgal will look out for us too.” 

Clive hums, appreciating the sight before him. “This is farewell for now. Till then, we have a god to kill.”

Everyone has now formed a semi-circle around the three dominants about to depart, watching as they walk towards the end of the deck. They pick up their pace, all of them running until they are no longer in sight. A bright light goes off and the next thing everyone sees is Bahamut carrying Clive and Joshua towards an event that will shape the world. 

-

You are sitting on the main deck, legs dangling off the side as you continue to stare off into the horizon. You haven’t left since Clive left, the golden hour long gone and twilight having come and gone, dusk now settling in the sky. It feels like it has been hours since his departure, when in reality it has only been a few. You wonder if they have made it to Origin yet, if the battle has started, if Ultima has been defeated… if they have met their maker for good. That thought makes you shiver. 

You hear footsteps coming from behind you before a presence sits right beside you. You don’t look, but the aura alone tells you it’s Jill and you smile slightly. She puts an arm around you, pulling you into her as you both continue to look into the distance, like they would be back any second. She twists your hair, which comforts you in a way, and you hum. It is silent for a while, watching the sky continue to grow darker and darker until the sky is black with its pearls. 

“Have you prayed to Metia today?” You break the silence with a question. Jill’s fixation that Metia answers prayers is comforting in these moments, especially when every prayer she has spoken through her heart has come true.

She shakes her head. “I haven’t, but only because I wanted you to join me. Our hearts combined will help, no doubt.”

You nod your head, and you both move into a position that faces Metia herself, kneeling before her with hands clasped together. You bow your head, and say your prayer in your head, letting your heart translate it in a way that only Metia understands. You pray for everyone’s safe return with little to no injury. You pray they come back healthy and happy. You pray for the dawn of a new age where you and Clive help build a world you two can grow old in. You pray for everything to be okay. You raise your head as you finish, and you admit that some weight has been lifted off your chest, but an uneasiness still sticks. You turn your head to see Jill finishing her own prayer, and she looks towards you with her hand reaching for yours. You give her your right hand and she grips it with a smile. “Metia has listened to our prayers. Now, we wait.”

“Jill, your faith that everything will be okay is admirable. I wish I had your confidence.” You confess, the sour feeling remaining deep in your body. 

“For the longest time, I thought Clive was long dead. I believed that Metia hadn’t listened. And next thing I know, there he is. Granted, it was years later.” She squeezes your hand, and turns so your knees are touching hers. “That’s why I have faith that they will return to us.”

“Maybe your faith will rub off on me, and not the other way around with my worries.” You chuckle, trying to make light of the night. 

“No matter what happens,” Jill reassures, “I will be here for you. We will be here for each other.”

You nod, and bring her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly which she returns. “Thank you, Jill. For everything.”

You both stay there for a minute, until next thing you know you hear running on the deck. You pull away to see Gav running towards you two, panic clear on his face. “Ah fuck,” he breathes in and out as he approaches. “Edda is in labor. All hands on deck.”

You and Jill gasp in unison, both jumping up to run to the infirmary to help bring new life into this world. And hopefully, a new one.

Day 2

“Alright, one more push, Edda.” 

You are sitting behind Edda, letting her use your hands for her death grip as she continuously pushes and wails out in pain. You, Jill, and Mid are giving her words of encouragement as she continues her labor, and after one final push Tarja fully delivers the baby. A cry echoes throughout the room and the atmosphere is full of happiness and relief. 

“Can I come in yet?” You hear Gav yell from the other side of the door.

“She just gave birth, Gav. Give us a minute.” Tarja yells, eyes rolling hard at Gav’s common sense.

“He’s just excited,” Jill chimes in. “As we all are.”

“Congratulations, Edda! It’s a boy!” Tarja finishes cleaning off the baby, kneeling beside Edda as she passes him off to her. You watch Edda admire her baby boy for the first time, her smile brightening up the room as she talks to him. 

Seeing them interact stirs you with an emotion you wish to experience directly. You and Clive have talked about having children, making it clear you two wouldn’t have any until the world has been set straight. But you two would talk about what it would be like to have a little you or a little him running around or both. You imagine cradling a little boy in your arms, giggling as you shower him with kisses. You imagine Clive holding a little girl, swaying her around while singing a melody. Two giggly children to call your own with the man you have fallen madly in love with. You feel as if your heart could burst from the thought. 

“_____, can you go up to the rear stacks to grab more towels off the lines?” Mid asks, taking you out of your sappy daydreams. You snap out of it, humming in the affirmative before moving away from Edda and heading to the door. You could barely get out the door before almost being trampled by Gav, running in like a mad man. “Let me see! Let me see!”

You chuckle to yourself, exiting the room and heading to the linen lines. Even when things seem dark, you can’t help but keep smiling at everyone’s high spirits tonight. You suppose new life being brought into the world will do that to people because it sure as hell is doing that for you. It’s a good distraction, and you accept it with open arms.

You grab some towels from the line, cradling them in your arms securely as you make your descent to the main deck and up the stairs to the infirmary. You reach the infirmary doors when you are once again almost hit by a body, except this time it was Jill. One quick look at her made it apparent she was crying. She doesn’t spare you a glance as she runs down the stairs, sobs fading as she goes further down. You turn to the open door, shock clear on your face. “What happened?”

Gav and Mid look at you like they don’t know what to say. You look at Gav, tears streaming down his face, and it’s like everything hits you all at once. Towels drop from your arms, your arms no longer working as your body starts to erupt. “No,” you shudder. “No.” You kept repeating yourself, not quite believing what’s happening. No words spoken, and yet everyone is saying your worst nightmare out loud. 

You could see Gav wanted to say something, but before a word could break the glass box you were building around yourself, you ran. You ran right out the door, and ran as fast as you could to Clive’s chambers. You slam the door shut, starting to pace back and forth with your fists yanking your hair. You turn to the balcony doors, and run to them, slamming them wide open before looking out into the distance. You see the moon, as bright and big as ever, yet Metia no longer shines in its vibrancy. You hear a howl and see Torgal and Jill, Jill’s head tilted down as her body continues to shake. Jill’s connection with Metia was enough to tell you that something terrible has happened: Clive is dead.

You back away from the door, utter disbelief and pain seeping into your lungs. He promised. He promised he would return to me. Your mind keeps reeling, and next thing you know you find yourself in Clive’s bed, wrapping yourself in his covers tightly to encapsulate his lingering scent. Sobs devastate your body, almost to the point of not being able to breathe. But you embraced it, for you wish you could stop breathing all together in this moment. 

You fall asleep with choked up airways and puffy eyes, dreams full of a future that’s no longer possible. You dream of him and him alone. You fall asleep in the dead of night, missing the sun greet Valisthea into a new era.

Day 5

Clive would’ve thought he was dead if it weren’t for the loud thumping in his head. He slowly comes to, the first thing he sees being light. It takes him a few seconds to adjust, his eyes working overtime against the strain. He feels sand, and hears the sound of waves. He goes to move his fingers when he notices he can’t move the ones on his left hand. He brings his left arm to his view and sees his hand is completely petrified. He couldn’t see the rest of his arm, but could feel the lack of blood and flesh ending right above his elbow. He pushes himself up with his good arm, hunching over in his spot as he breathes the salty air deeply.

Origin. He had defeated Ultima. The crystal in the sky was destroyed and now he finds himself here on this beach. Based on his surroundings, he concludes he is on the coast of Storm, even though the dark coast was no longer dark, but bright. It could have easily been mistaken for a coastline off of Valisthea, but behind him were still the dead brush of the continent. 

He wonders how long he’s been out for. He vaguely remembers waking up, but not long enough to recollect anything. He reaches up to his face to touch his facial hair, feeling the scruff that has grown out slightly. A few days, he thinks. It was a mere few days ago when he left the Hideaway with Dion and his brother, and now he is the only one left. It burns him up inside knowing he couldn’t save them, and the fact he watched his brother die not once, but twice weighs heavy on his heart. Especially because if Ultima hadn’t chosen him as his vessel, he most likely would have become the Phoenix and Joshua would be alive and safe. He couldn’t be sure, of course, but alas.

Clive knows it does no good to think this way. Just like he would have done anything to save Joshua, he knows just as well Joshua would’ve done everything to save him. He knew Joshua would want him to help bring Valisthea and Storm into a new age. And most importantly, he knew Joshua wanted him to be happy, and deserved as much. I cannot delve into what was, but what can. And what he can focus on is the future, especially one with you. 

Clive suddenly remembers the lily you had given him, and scrambles to retrieve it from his pant pouch with some difficulty due to one available hand. He felt its petals, still smooth and soft, and pulled it out to see it still looked brand new. He lets out a stuttered breath, eyes watering slightly. He almost couldn’t believe that after everything it had managed to stay in one piece, but he knew it was because you had blessed him with it. You had grown it, cared for it, and plucked it for him, and it was his turn to care for it. Just as well, it was time to keep his promise: to come back to you. He has been away for too long, and he must make haste now.

Clive sighs and slowly starts to stand up, gathering his bearings so as to not get too dizzy.  He stands still for a moment, breathing in deeply once more to ensure he won’t collapse before assessing his situation. He will need a boat. He thinks he could find a port somewhere, and worse comes to worse he travels to Waloed to get one there. He will need to eat something to gain some semblance of energy to do said travel. The biggest obstacle for him will be his arm, a heavy weight on his body that doesn’t help his fatigue. He will have to find something to make it more manageable until he can get back to the Hideaway.

He starts to walk up the beach towards the woods; body heavy from his wet clothes, stone arm, and tired eyes. But he will move forward, for you are waiting back home for him and his safe return. No matter the cost, he will make it home to you. 

“Darling, wait for me. I’m coming home.”

Day 14

It has been two weeks since the end of Origin, and to say you haven’t been grieving well is an understatement. You have a hard time getting out of bed these days, and your motivation to do anything is abysmal. You know your numbness is unsettling to other Hideaway members, many not knowing what to say when they see you. It’s like they saw you change overnight; your happy, go lucky self now tainted with expressionless reactions.

Gav has officially transitioned as the new Cid, but has yet to move into what will be his new room. He only comes in to do some paperwork, and read his latest messages. Oftentimes he will come to you, asking if he can get you anything, and he gets the same response from you every time: a subtle shake of your head. You are grateful that he lets you stay here as the smell of Clive’s sheets is the only thing keeping you from breaking all together. 

You had forced yourself out of bed today to go to the Backyard. You sat beside the flower bed, staring at the flowers hoping for something to happen. Flowers were your comfort for a long time, and now it is like they have no effect at all. You look at the lilies that are off to the side, and all you can do is scoff. Reunion my foot. 

You hear footsteps and paws coming down the stairs. You know it is Torgal and Jill, especially when Torgal has been stuck to Jill’s side for the last two weeks. You can’t blame him. You wouldn’t want to be around you either. 

“You came to pay the flowers a visit. They’ve missed you.” 

“They aren’t very good at showing it.” You shrug. You have been here for a few hours, and your mood hasn’t changed. You feel empty.

“Hortense is holding a sewing class for some new arrivals. You should come and say hi.” Jill says gently, not wanting to make your mood shift further south. 

Deep down, you know you’ve let Jill down. You had promised to be there for her like she had with you, yet your own self pity refuses to acknowledge your lack of empathy. The demon residing in your brain just tells you that no one understands. It doesn’t matter if everyone is grieving about the three’s passing; your happy ending relied on your lover coming back to you. Everyone else can move on, keeping him in their memory. You can’t because a part of you is now dead with him. 

You move to stand up, not wanting to bring her down with you. “They won’t want to see me. I’ll just make a fool out of myself.”

You move to head upstairs when Torgal blocks your walking route, and Jill gets in front of you. She grabs your shoulders, looking at you intently. You can see she is trying hard not to break in front of you, making that deep part of you scream to get over yourself. “Please, _____. You are an important asset to the Hideaway; the Jack of all Trades. I know they would love to meet you. The more kind people like you they meet, the more comfortable they will be here.”

Even since the end of Origin, new arrivals have continued to come in, many wanting to help with the cause. Even though bearers no longer have the power of magicks, it has led to more violence against those with the mark. This has led to everyone working more tirelessly to make strides for a future with new hope reinstated. You have yet to meet many of them, the motivation to do so never in your favor. 

“Clive would want you to continue his legacy.”

You wanted to scream. You wanted to scream how his legacy has taken him away from you. You know your way of thinking is irrational, but the rational part of you is a mountain ready to avalanche. With the last bit you have, you take a deep breath, knowing she is right. He would want you to continue living, even without him. 

“Okay,” you nod. “I’ll meet them. I can’t promise I’ll come off as kind. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have the strength.”

Jill smiles, brushing hair from your face. “All I ask is that you try. We miss you.”

You three ascend the stairs, Jill locking arms with you as if you’d run away. You make it to the main deck, seeing Hortense and a few new faces sitting in a circle. Hortense waves, signaling you three to join in. “_____, it is so good for you to join us!”

“It’s, um, great to be here.” You say, trying to come off as happy. 

You, Jill, and Torgal join the circle, quick introductions being passed around before Hortense starts her lesson. She is doing a lesson on basic sewing techniques using cross-stitching circles, showing everyone different patterns, styles, and methods for different types of fabrics. One of the new arrivals, Greta you remember her name being, was looking at your stitching constantly. You turn to look at her, and she quickly turns away. You look at her work, and you can tell she is struggling a little bit. 

“Hey,” you say slightly above a whisper. “Try this.”

You show her a trick when it comes to tightening the thread, making it so it won’t want to fall apart. “Okay, now you try.”

Greta follows your method to a T, going slowly as she does it from memory. She smiles, seeing how well it worked. “That’s genius! Thank you so much!”

You nod, going back to your own work with a subtle smile on your face. You remember when you first learned how to sew, and how difficult it was for you. You remember when you had to learn on your own, Hortense having too much on her plate. You forgot how good it was to help others, and even if this feeling is for a moment, you feel lighter. You face Jill to see her glancing at you, a grin on her face as she continues messing with her circle of fabric. You know she is punching the air in success in her mind right now.

The session lasts for roughly an hour, and Hortense puts it to a close. “I’ll hold another class next week. Feel free to practice in the meantime.”

‘Yes ma'am’ is said in unison, and everyone departs to get ready for supper. You and Jill stay behind, helping Hortense put stuff away and create small chatter. As you all finish up, you pull Jill aside, feeling the need to say something. “Jill, I want to thank you. But most importantly, I want to apologize for not being there for you as well. I promise to do better by you.”

“Oh, _____,” Jill coos, bringing you in for a hug. “It’s okay. I understand your pain. We will get through this.” 

You two continue like this, and all you can think is maybe this is a new start. Maybe you can start grieving in a better way than you have been. You know it won’t happen overnight, but after days of feeling like you’ve been dragged into a hole, you sense you can see the light. 

Someone is yelling from afar, and you pull back to see a woman walking quickly to Hortense, a basket of what looks to be freshly clean linens in her hands. You and Jill walk over to see the commotion, only to see another new face. Hortense motions you two over, grinning from ear to ear with the woman beside her. “Ah, _____! I don’t think the two of you have met. This is Willow. She’s been helping me a lot with many of the laundry duties.” 

“Oh Lady _____, it is so lovely to meet you.” Willow says, bowing her head slightly. “Also, lovely to see you again Lady Jill.”

You bow slightly, not used to such formalities towards yourself. Jill chimes in, glee in her tone. “You as well. Thank you for helping Hortense during this time. I know she surely appreciates it.”

“Of course!” Willow chirps. “I was coming over here to tell her the linens for the beds are done. Lady ____, I was able to clean your sheets as well so you will have a freshly made bed for tonight.”

You stop breathing, your ears deceiving you. “W-what?”

Willow was still smiling, not catching on to the atmospheric shift. “Your sheets! Hortense got me to get all the bed linens for a wash, but I went ahead and had your bed made as a good gesture.” 

Your heart is hammering in your chest, and your vision is starting to blur. She cleaned the sheets. She cleaned Clives sheets. Not yours, but Clives. The one thing you had left of him, the one thing that still smelled like him, the one thing that made it feel like he wasn’t completely gone from the world, vanishing right before your eyes. You are starting to breathe hard, everything around you is no longer real. It is just you being thrown back into your suffocating glass box, and being thrown back into that dreaded hole. You can hear voices, but can’t distinguish what is being said. It’s when you feel a hand on your shoulder that the glass shatters, leaving you bloody in the dark, dank hole. 

You collapse, the flood gates opening with shrieks and agonizing sobs. You are hitting the wood, small splinters digging into your fist as you continue. You didn’t care because no pain was more painful than what you are feeling right now. You hear running, and more commotion in the background.

“There is nothing to see here, take your leave.” It’s Gav. It fucking Gav.

“_____, please get up. What happened?” 

“This is my fault.” Hortense says mortified. “I didn’t tell Willow that room was off limits.”

Your breathing is now rapid, sucking air and pushing it out because it isn’t enough. Arms wrap around you and you thrash around, yelling and screaming to let you go. “Get the fuck off of me!”

Gav has you upright and the rage you are now feeling bubbles out, turning into hitting his chest. “You are the only other person that goes in there, and you didn’t notice the fucking sheets were gone?! How could you let this happen?!”

“Please, _____. I just got back from Lostwing. I haven’t been there since early this morning.” Gav reasons, getting a grip on you with your arms secure so you wouldn’t do something you regret. 

“That was all I had left of him.” You wail. “All I had was his scent and now it’s gone! It’s all fucking gone! He’s gone!” 

“I got her from here. You three go have dinner.” Gav picks you up bridal style, walking up the main deck stairs. You are still crying, and your vision is blurry but you can still make out what is behind you. Willow is hugging Hortense, both visibly upset. But then you see Jill, who is standing there looking at the ground, none moving. Torgal is nudging her, but she won’t budge. 

I’m sorry, Jill. I broke my promise.

Day 31

One month. It has been one month since Clive’s death, and you are no longer alive; a living corpse that lays in bed for days and days on end. You only get up to use the privy chambers, but other than that you lay there. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. The idea of going to the Backyard, to the Shelves, or even the Ale House is unappealing. Gav usually brings you food, sometimes Jill, but you barely touch it. You eat a little, but your appetite is non-existent; you eat only when your stomach tells you to. 

People don’t visit you like they did. Sometimes Jill, Tarja, and even Jote would come in for a short time. They would try talking to you, they would rub your side to bring comfort, they would brush your hair, yet you wouldn’t react. Those visits have slowly dissipated, and you can’t blame them. 

You hate what Clive’s passing has turned you into. You never thought grief would transform you so poorly. Grief isn’t new to you, just as it isn’t new for most people in the realm. You grieved when your parents passed, you grieved when Hideaway members didn’t return from missions, you grieved when Titan and his Dhalmekian goons killed so many innocent people in the Old Hideaway. But Clive is your one true love; the one man that was able to intertwine his soul with yours. They say once the soul has been torn into two, it never fully recovers. 

You get up from the bed with all the strength you can muster. As you stand, you face the mirror from across the room, and what you see makes you shutter. You walk over slowly, not quite believing that it is you in the reflection. Your fingertips drag along the cool surface, slightly dissociating in the process. What was once full and bright features were now hollowed from lack of sleep, crying, lack of appetite, and the grief that’s swallowing you.

“By the Founder, I look dreadful.” 

You want to heal. You want to get better. Your soul is waiting for your shell of a body to hatch, so it may continue to live. But how can you do that in a place where everywhere you look, you see him? Every corner of the Hideaway is covered with Clive’s aspirations, dreams, and ideas. If you want to move on, to grieve healthily, you can’t stay here. You need to be somewhere that takes you back to a time before Clive.

The moon shines brightly in the room, giving you enough light to maneuver around. You pack a small bag of your belongings, only with things that would benefit your travels, and dress yourself in clothes to protect you from the elements. Once situated, you walk over to what was once Clive’s desk and sit down. You grab the quill and a scroll, and look at the blank paper. Your eyes start to water, knowing this decision will ruffle some feathers, and will create a form of worry you won’t be here to satiate. You think about getting back into bed and forgetting about what you are about to do, but you know this is a must. You are holding everyone in the Hideaway back, and you can’t support the cause if you aren’t getting better. 

You must do this, so therefore you write. 

-

“What do you mean she left?” Jill raises her voice, the shock clear in her tone. 

Gav had come into Clive’s old chambers to send some letters out to town leaders when he saw the bed was empty and made, with a scroll lying on top of the pillow. When Gav opened it, and read the words on the page, he immediately called for an urgent meeting with the main Hideaway members. 

“She left this on the bed.” Gav states solemnly, passing it to Otto who is on his right. “Long story short, she doesn’t want to be found. She didn’t give a direct location to where she was heading. All she said is she will send word when she is ready to communicate.”

“She isn’t in the right state of mind to go out by herself!” Tarja says with irritation. “What is she thinking?!”

“How would she have even left? We only have one boat, no?” Tomes questions.

“We have a second boat in case the one Obolus uses is in need of repair.” Otto mutters, looking at the scroll a tad longer before passing it off to the next person. 

Jill stands up from her seat, huffing as she turns to take her leave. Gav stands with her, already reading her mind. “Where the bloody fuck you think you’re going?!

“Rather than us wasting our breath, I’m going to go find her!” Jill shouts, frustration built into her face. 

Tarja stands up quickly to grab Jill’s arm. “Now wait a damn second. We need a plan before we start going out willy nilly.”

“As you said, she isn’t in the right mindset to be out by herself. She could be dead in a ditch for all we know.” Jill seethes, pissed that nobody seems to be as fearful for her friend as she is. 

“She is strong, Jill.” 

Everyone turns to Jote, who is never one to chime in unless need be. She is holding the scroll, looking at it as she speaks. “I don’t know her as well as you all may, but from what I do know she is very resilient. She wouldn’t leave unless necessary, and this letter proves as much.”

Everyone is quiet, thinking caps on as they process Jote’s words. The first words spoken after the pregnant silence is Otto, turning to Gav seriously. “Gav, you are the leader of the Hideaway now. It is your call.”

Gav ponders for a moment, a bit torn of what action is best to take. You are family and he wants to know you are safe. He also doesn’t want to get in the way of what you need to do to get better. He fears sending Hideaway members out to find you will make things worse. 

“I think,” Gav pauses, sighing in the process. “I will alert town leaders around Valisthea to keep their eyes peeled for her. If she doesn’t want to be bothered, we shouldn’t intrude. Getting a location on her though would be beneficial for us to ensure she is at least safe.”

“Gav is right,” Otto agrees. “She will need to go into towns for essentials and will probably pass through a few.”

“If we don’t hear anything within a month's time, we will start sending out some search parties, but as I said we cannot bother her if we find her. We have to hope she will reach out to us when she is ready.” Gav continues, giving everyone a once over to see if his words are reciprocated.

Agreements are shared, some more hesitant than others, before Gav dismisses everyone to their daily duties. When the last person leaves, Gav collapses into his seat, taking deep breaths as he runs his hands over his face. 

“May Greagor be with you, _____.” Gav whispers to himself.

Day 40

You can’t sleep, constantly shifting under the covers with no sense of relief. You feel hot, which is abnormal for this cool night. You start to burn up, skin flaring until it starts to burn. You sit up, panicking as you throw the covers off of you before you freeze, breath caught in your throat. In the moonlight, there is a figure sitting across the room from you, head bowed down with arms in their lap. You panic in silence, not knowing whether to fight or flight.

“You’re awake.” That voice. You know that voice all too well. 

“C-Clive?” You stutter, not trusting your voice to break the quiet. 

Silence suffocates the room. You wait for a response, but he just sits there. You move off the bed and walk towards him slowly, feeling off about what you are experiencing. He’s dead. Metia’s star went out. This can’t be real.

You are standing in front of him now, your bare toes touching his boots. He still doesn’t move, so you move your hands to his head, messing with the strands of hair from his head. “Clive, is it really you?” 

“You left.” You pause, his tone off. Is he not happy to see me?  

“Clive, I thought you were dead. We all did.”

“And yet, you still left.” He growls, finally moving his hands to grip your waist tightly, on the verge of pain. “You promised to wait for me. You broke that promise.”

“Clive,” you choke. “I’m sorry I-”

“You broke your promise to Jill.”

“I didn’t mean to!��� 

“You abandoned the Hideaway, my legacy, like it was nothing!”

“Clive, you’re hurting me.” You are crying now. His fingers are digging into your side hard, and you look to see he is shaking with anger. 

“This is nothing in comparison to how you have hurt me!” He yells, and he lifts his head, causing you to gasp. His eyes are orange, glowing bolder and bolder the more worked up he got. You try to pry his grip off of you, but to no avail. 

“Please, Clive!” You cry harder. “I love you, I'm sorry for leaving! I should have stayed!”

“You are too late, _____.” He seethes. 

“Because I don’t love you anymore.”

You shoot up from your bed, screaming in a cold sweat. You look around the room like a mad woman, trying to gauge your surroundings. A wave of nausea overcomes you and you fall to the floor, vomiting from the absolute madness that occurred in your head. You dry heave on the floor, waiting for the next course of nausea to arrive but it never came. You sat up so your back was against the bed, relieved you weren’t going to be sick again, yet frustrated all the same.

You arrived in Dhalmekia four days ago. Originally, you set out to find your childhood home where you grew up with your parents, but when you arrived at the village off to the left of the Northern Velkroy, it had all but been abandoned. Your home, that was left with memories of your old life, ravaged from what you could assume to be bandits. So you kept going, hitchhiking a few rides before traveling on foot. That is when you found a small, two room cottage down in the Fields of Corava, a place you weren’t aware of, having never been south of Dalimil. There was minimal damage; a broken window and some chipped flooring. It was a better place to stay for the time being.

Ever since arriving, however, your mind has conjured terrible dreams with it being the same every time. It was always you and Clive in this room with him degrading your worth. The first night didn’t feel real, knowing that Clive would never act as such with you. But tonight, after having it for the fourth time in a row, your heart is waning.

You stare at the chair you saw Clive in, an increasing amount of anguish washing over you as you look. He’s gone. Your fingers dig into your thighs, trying to ground yourself. He’s gone. You start to choke on air, not wanting the cries of grief released from your lungs. He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s fucking gone!

The shell cracks, the quiet night becomes piercing as you scream. You shoot up to the chair, taking it and bashing it into the floor. You keep screaming, the splinters from the chair and the floor growing with each smack. No matter the ache your body is having, the adrenaline rushing through your it has given your grief new purpose; a cathartic event that is shaping your mentality.

The chair is nothing but wood; the bare bones of it. You get up to open the door, chucking the wood outside the door with rage. The splintered wood digs into your hands, your emotional distress covering any semblance of physical pain. Your screams have turned into wails, angry tears dripping from your face to the floor. 

This rage inside of you stirred by grief makes you feel like you're dying. If anyone told you that Clive’s death would make you transform into the living dead, you’d laugh. How could anyone make you feel dead when you were the cheerful jack of the Hideaway? 

The wood is now dispersed all across the field before you, bathing in the pure light of the moon. You sink into the cottage where the dark swallows you, slamming the door shut and sliding down it as your body continues its assault. Your bloody hands grip at your hair as you rock back and forth, chanting the same two words over and over.

He’s gone.

Day 70

The atmosphere at the Hideaway was the same like any other day. People were up doing their tasks or simply enjoying the day; it has been the same old, same old. 

That is, until the bell on the pier sounded off.

“What is going on?!” Jill yells, everyone looking over the main deck to see the commotion. The bell is only used for emergencies, like if an enemy were to approach the Hideaway. However, Jill sees that people weren’t panicking, but rejoicing. 

Gav runs up to Jill alarmed, trying to get a sense of what’s happening. “Oh fuck me! What’s going on?!” 

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” Jill says, her and Gav picking up the pace as they walk to see the situation at hand; both ready to take action. The two of them push through the crowd, finally reaching the railing that sees over the pier. The first instant Jill looks down, a gasp is let out with her hand covering her mouth and eyes bulging. 

“No fucking way,” Gav whispers, not quite believing what he is seeing.

But their eyes do not betray them, for the bell has rang not for an emergency situation, but a message that he is alive. Clive is alive. 

“He made it… Great Greagor he fucking made it!” Gav cheers.

“Clive!” Jill yells.

Clive looks up to the main deck to see two of his cherished friends, and right as he makes eye contact with them, he makes a run for the lift. Gav and Jill follow his lead, running in the direction he is to come to officially greet him. The minute Clive steps out from the lift, Gav and Jill are on him, hugging him tightly to make sure he isn’t here to haunt the place.

“You’re alive!” Jill elates.

“I apologize for my late return. I didn’t realize I’d be sorely missed.” Clive jokes, watching as more people gather around them.

“Are you kidding? This place has been falling apart without you!” Gav exaggerates.

It makes Clive chuckle, placing his hand on Gav’s shoulder as he pulls back. “Seeing all the new faces, I doubt that. And that is thanks to you. Thank you for keeping the Hideaway safe.”

Clive feels something rub his leg, and looks to see Torgal rubbing his head against him. He bends down, using his good arm to rub behind Torgal’s ears. “Torgal, have you been a good boy since I’ve been away?”

“Clive,” Jill gasps. “You’re arm.”

During Clive’s travels back home, his arm had become more of a nuisance if anything. He is a strong man; he can wield swords made of the heaviest metals, no problem. But to have an appendage weigh more than the other, well, that is a whole different situation. He had ripped part of his cape and created a sling to keep his arm in place, making travel more bearable.

Clive stands up straight, rubbing his stoned arm. “Yeah… I didn’t get away completely unscathed.” Clive draws out. “But nevertheless, we won.”

“What of Joshua and Dion?” Jill asks, even though the look in her eyes tells him she already knows. All he could do was shake his head.  

“I suppose I have a lot of explaining to do.” Clive says, having much to tell. 

“You will, but not before we get your arm sorted out.”

“Of course,” Clive chuckles, and turns to see Tarja with her arms crossed and hip out. He is so happy to be back amongst friends and family, ready to truly cherish his time after a battle where he could have easily perished. But most importantly, he is ready to see you.

Truth be told, Clive’s travels back to Valisthea were consumed mostly by you. All he could think about was how he craves for you to be in his warm embrace, giving him kisses and caresses that would heal him for a lifetime. To be away from you for so long is agony, and what has kept him going was knowing the future is now his and yours; one where you both can live lives worth living. 

He looks around and sees a bunch of familiar faces approach, his original crew gathering around him as they welcome his return. He scans the crowd, nodding to everyone and granting a smile. However, he doesn’t see you within the sets of familiar faces. 

“Where’s _____?” Clive asks, scanning the crowd once more for your face.

Everyone goes silent, glancing at one another trying to communicate. An uneasy feeling settles in Clive’s pit, not liking the reaction he got with his simple question. 

Tarja is the first to speak up, diverting the question quickly with urgency. “We can talk about her later, but first we need to do something about your arm straight away. Jill. Gav. Take him to the infirmary. I’ll be up there shortly.” There was a look in Tarja’s eyes that told Clive she wouldn’t be there for a while, which made that uneasy feeling grow bolder. 

Gav and Jill suddenly hook arms with Clive on either side, walking fast so he had no choice but to follow. Clive could feel himself getting frustrated, having wanted to see you for days upon days and not being granted that wish immediately upon his return. 

He leans down to Jill’s ear, needing an explanation immediately. “Where is she?”

“It is better we explain once we are upstairs.” Jill reasons, although there is a shake in her voice.  

The four of them get into the infirmary, Jill and Gav situating Clive on a cot. Gav whispers to Jill, her nodding in response as he jogs out of the room. Clive looks at her, a million thoughts running through his head at their peculiarness. 

“Jill, what is happening?”

Jill twiddles her thumbs, taking deep breaths as she prepares herself. She looks down at the floorboards, and Clive can feel the tension in the room. “Some things happened while you were away, Clive.” Her breath trembles. “You aren’t going to be happy with what I’m about to say.”

“You are worrying me, Jill.” Clive says, trying to stay calm. “Please tell me what’s happened.”

Jill looks up, eyes starting to gloss over. She places her hands over Clive’s right hand, squeezing it gently. “The night of Origin. Metia’s star went out, and I couldn’t feel you anymore after that. I thought you were dead.

“Jill,” Clive says in a low tone. “I apologize for causing so much grief.”

“We all thought you died.” Jill laughs solemnly. “Seeing you right now doesn’t feel real.” 

Clive squeezes Jill’s hands as a means to comfort her, as well as to urge her to continue. She shakes her head, tears as icy Shiva’s magick slipping down her face. “We all took it very hard. Some held hope, but after weeks of no signs of your return, everyone had accepted it.”

Jill’s breath stutters. “But Greagor, Clive. _____ took it so hard.” The tears started to fall, Jill shaking as she continued. “She wouldn’t get out of bed, wouldn’t eat… oh Greagor she wouldn’t talk to anyone. She would just lay there no matter what we tried to do.”

Clive thinks his heart just tore. The thought of you like that made him ill. And the past tense of Jill’s words make the air all the more suffocating.

“Where is she, Jill? Let me see her, please.” He pleads, needing to show you that he lives and has come back to her.

“I’m sorry,” Jill cries, her head bowing onto their intertwined hands. “I’m so sorry, Clive.”

“Jill talk to me, please!” He begs before hearing the door to the infirmary open, only to see Gav with a small scroll in his hand. 

“Gav, you need to tell me what has happened.” Clive says sternly, knowing another second longer with no answer will send him into a frenzy. 

Gav shows him the scroll, making Clive gently let go of Jill’s hands to reach for it but before he could grab it Gav backed away. “When you read this, know that we have plans enacted.”

Gav hands it to him, taking another step back to give Clive more space. Clive unravels the scroll quickly, the need for answers strong. And he gets his answer, but that answer makes his skin run cold and go hot at the same time.

Gav,

I apologize for putting this on you. I know your transition as the new Cid has been a lot, and I am sorry for making it much harder for you. This space is yours now. Not Clive’s, nor mine.

You know as well as the others I am not well. A part of me died the day Clive passed, and being here has made any progress of healing not happen. Truth is, I see him everywhere. Everything here reminds me of him, and it’s killing me because one moment I see him and the next I don’t. The grief that has consumed me has become everlasting. 

By the time you read this, I will be far gone. Please, I beg of you, do not come find me. Do not send anyone to come find me. I will not come back, at least for now. Any chance of me getting better is for me to go out there, not stay here. I know this will cause worry, and I apologize for being a nuisance, but I have no choice. It’s either I die out there trying or I stay here rotting. 

Tell the others I’m sorry, especially Jill, and take care of her. Once I’m ready, I’ll send word of my whereabouts. Until then, please let me grieve in peace.

Much obliged,

_____

Clive is seeing red. His fist starts to squeeze the paper, crackles and the sound of a tear coming from it. “When did she leave?” 

“It’s been about a month.” Gav mutters, and everything that happens next is a blur. Clive shoots up from the bed, charging towards Gav before slamming him into the door.

“Clive, please don’t!” Jill cries.

“She’s been gone for a month?! And you have yet to find her?!” Clive yells, his fist gripping tightly onto Gav’s leathers.

“We have notified people on the outside to keep us posted.” Gav tries to reassure. “That is what the Hideaway members have agreed on.” His words do nothing to soothe him. If he still had his magick, he is sure hellfire would rain on the Hideaway.

“She needed time, Clive.” Jill rests her hand on his shoulder. “We chose to respect her wishes.”

He scoffs, backing away from the both of them, disbelief clear on his features. “You agreed to this too?”

“You were not here to witness what we did!” Jill yells agitated. “Clive, I understand your frustration, but if you saw how she was you wouldn’t think twice.”

He wants to stay angry, put the blame on someone selfishly. You’ve done so much for the Hideaway, the cause, everyone involved. How could they let you leave? But all he feels is defeat. He came too late, and now he needs to make up for lost time.

“Excuse me,” Clive mutters, walking towards the door Gav is still leaning against. 

Jill shoots herself to grab the upper half of his petrified arm, a grunt forced out at the pulling tension. “Clive, you need to stay right here so Tarja can do something about your arm.” 

“No, I am going to go out and look for her! She needs to know I’m alive!” He tries shaking her grip off his arm, but to no avail as she holds on tighter. Panic is starting to set in, not knowing where you are and if you are safe freaking him out. It is almost as if he is experiencing firsthand what you went through. 

Gav steps forward, putting his hands on Clive’s shoulders shaking him slightly. “We have cursebreakers looking for her daily now that the month of her leave has passed. We will find her. And now that you are back, we will bring her home.” 

“Once you are better, we will go with you to search for her. But for right now, you need to rest. Let the cursebreakers do what they’ve been assigned to do.” Jill reassures. “Let’s get you ready for Tarja. The sooner she can fix you up, the faster you can go out.”

Clive takes a deep breath before nodding, and lets Jill and Gav guide him back to the cot. He sits back down, and all he can do is look down at the floorboards. Anger and defeat have turned into a sadness he cannot fully comprehend; a feeling he hasn’t quite felt before. “Do you two mind giving me some time alone? Please.”

“Of course, Clive. We will be outside if you need anything.” Jill says, before the sound of four feet patter across the floor and the creak of the door opens and closes, leaving Clive completely alone.  

He doesn’t know how long he stays like that; unmoving, eyes glued to the floor. All he thinks is he should have found a way to send a message to you so you knew he had survived. Deep down, he knows there was nothing he could have done given his circumstances, but that doesn’t stop the blame game he is putting upon himself. So he sits there, wallowing in his heartache as his shoulders shake and throat lets out faint sobs.

The letter is still held tightly in his grasp. 

Day 71

Waking up early in the morning before the sun makes its greeting isn’t abnormal for you, not when you dream constantly. Sometimes your dreams would startle you. Sometimes they would make you wake up crying. Sometimes they would wake you up with a smile on your face. But the time is always the same; the moon is always there to tell you the time of the morning and you fall back into a deep sleep before the sun shows itself. However, this time is different. 

In recent days, you’ve had nothing but wonderful dreams. Not ones like when you first came here, or ones about a future no longer possible. They were dreams of the past, deja vu in nature. Fond memories of you and Clive ranging from the first time you laid eyes on him to the last. What’s different about your calling back to the real world is your eyes open to hues of yellow and orange shining through the window. It is not the moon’s beams that greet you, but the sun’s rays.

You get out of bed and go to the door, opening it to step out onto the field. The early morning air hits your skin, the grass licking at your feet as you continue forward. You trek to the spot between the elevated land, a v-shape displaying the rising sun as it continues its ascent. Your hand goes out in front of you, watching your skin transform as the sun’s colors grow brighter. You can’t help but smile at the sight before you because all you feel is peace. For once since Valisthea changed forever, you felt like everything will be okay. 

You think about the first time you and Clive watched the sunrise together, holding each other tightly as you both talk about how it is a new day full of hopes and dreams. You remember him telling you how he has never felt more alive than he did in that moment, and you can understand why; you understand because you feel the same. 

You know Clive would want you to live to the fullest, for that was what he wanted all along. Even if things didn’t turn out the way they should have, he would have wanted you to live for him, but most importantly for yourself. He would want you to remember your time together fondly, and that it wasn’t for nothing. It was everything. 

You inhale deeply, the scents of the morning filling your airways before you exhale. You continue to look out on the horizon, mesmerized by the beauty of a new day; a new start .

“I deserve to be happy, right Clive?” You whisper to yourself. “I will continue to live for you and for me. Starting now.”

This is the start of your new life. 

Day 172

“These are absolutely beautiful, my lady. These are so hard to find in Dhalmekia.” 

You smile brightly, watching the woman before you admire your handy work. “I’m pleased that you love them. Morgenbeards are native to the swampy waters in Rosaria, but I was able to get my hands on some seeds.”

“You must know your stuff to get them to grow here.” The lady continues.

You shake your head, grinning at her. “I have my ways.”

To say things have gotten better would be the greatest understatement in history because you are thriving. It is as if everything has fallen into place. You fixed up the small cottage you are residing in so it felt more like a home rather than a temporary visit. You did a lot of prep work to ensure you’d live comfortably. The greatest thing, however, is you found a way to make a living for yourself, the one thing you do best: grow flowers. 

You noticed how flowers grew in the fields, yet you could tell they needed help; the Dhalmeky dirt too dry to keep them alive for long. You were able to get some books on flower gardening, along with different kinds of seeds, all imported from merchants who graciously accepted the little gil you had. It took some time, but those things helped you open a flower shop out of your home. And thus far, it has been a wonderful success.

You had taken a flower cart to Dalimil to get your name out there, and to let people know where to find your business. You eventually want to move your business within the inn’s market, but when you had come to propose the idea, you found out Lubor had been gone on an expedition. The cart will have to do, you recalled thinking. The people there have been nothing but supportive, offering their business in exchange for theirs: vases, business signs, gardening supplies, etcetera. It was a good system that benefitted you and them. You were grateful.

You are sitting at the kitchen table, having closed shop for the day, sipping on some hot tea as you write down your daily earnings. A hard day’s work is rewarding, and knowing your flowers have made your customers happy makes you happy. To be doing things that feel worthwhile feels good, and the last time you felt this way was when you lived at the Hideaway.

The Hideaway. You stop writing as you reminisce about those times. It really wasn’t that long ago, yet it feels like a lifetime. Have I changed that much? 

You miss everyone dearly. You miss Tarja’s tough love. You miss Mid’s inventiveness. You miss Otto’s gruffness. You miss Tome’s stories of his travels. You miss Jote’s coolness. You miss Gav’s banter. You miss Torgal’s way of comforting you. You miss Jill’s faith. You miss everyone. You often wonder if they miss you too.

You are surprised no one has come looking for you, or have found you if they were. You think about what they must have thought when you left that letter. Were they angry? Sad? Worried? All three? Did they listen to you when you said you didn’t want to be found or did they nonstop look day and night for you? You couldn’t tell. Not unless you find out for yourself. 

You set the daily earnings paper aside, and lay out a fresh one, your quill hovering over the paper as you think of what to say. There are so many words to say, yet you don’t know where to start. Do you share everything? Do you just tell them you are okay? Do you tell them where you are? So many questions to answer with little paper to write it all out. So you write something simple, hoping it gets the message across.

I hope this finds you well. Come see me if you wish. You all know where to find me.

Day 179

Clive’s search for you has been non-stop, days and nights spent looking for trails only to find dead ends. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get how you could have disappeared without a trace. But that will not deter him. He will not stop looking until he finds you.

Every place that Clive could think of they checked. Areas in Dhalmekia were the first places they looked, knowing you knew the area better than others. The very first place they checked was your childhood home near the Northern Velkroy, but it didn’t look like there were any signs of life there. Different towns within the area were checked but no one had heard or seen you. Hell, they were more surprised to see him alive and well to focus on the whereabouts of a lost woman. He understood, but it grated his nerves. 

Every other place in Valisthea had been scouted and marked as they went, but every location and mark was the same. So here he was, writing letters to town leaders of the cause again to be his eyes. You have to show up somewhere eventually, if you haven’t already. 

As every day passes, his heart wanes further. It yearns for you, calling out its other half to be complete again. When he does rest, granted not for long periods of time, he imagines you are lying with him. He holds a pillow close in his arms, picturing it to be you to subdue his crazed heart and mind. It was nice to pretend, but then he wakes up and is sorely disappointed to see what lies in his arms is just that: a pillow. It’s a cycle because the same thought crosses his mind each and every time: the day you are back in his arms will be a momentous day. That day has yet to come.

He keeps writing the same words over and over on different sheets of paper when he hears commotion from beyond his doors. The fighting instinct in him shoots up, running to the door to see what was happening when he sees Otto, Jill, and Gav running towards him.

“Has something happened?” Clive asks, alarmed. 

Otto reaches Clive first, shoving a piece of paper into his hand. “She has communicated with us.”

Clive couldn’t read the paper fast enough, not quite believing this day had come. He rings out the paper to straighten it before reading her handwriting. “She is staying in a cottage in the Fields of Corava.” 

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go get the lass back!” Gav expresses with full excitement, springs basically on the bottom of his feet with how bouncy he is. 

Jill pats Gav on the back. “Gav, let’s let Clive go alone.” She then turns to face Clive, an understanding smile greeting him. “They will need some time together.”

“Thank you, Jill.” Clive says softly. “I thank all of you.” 

“Well, if that’s the case…” Gav draws out, approaching Clive before slamming his hand on his shoulder, “you better get cleaned up! You have a lady to see.” 

Clive laughs at Gav’s antics, and turns to ready himself; ready himself to return to you once and for all.

Day 184

It’s late in the morning as you gather flowers into your basket, trimming and cutting the ones that have bloomed beautifully. The flower gardens in the field were flourishing more and more every day. The more you work in the gardens, the more fulfillment you feel. You felt this when you helped out in the Backyard, but what you built here is from your own doing. You believe it to be a testament to your growth, showing that you made the right decision all those months ago. You’ve created your own little utopia, and to share it with others is a beautiful thing.

As you cut fresh flowers, you start to wonder if people at the Hideaway got your letter. You would love for them to come visit, and see what you have done with the place. You wonder if they will ever come to see you or if they will send a letter back. It could be any day now, and you will be ready.

You have a full basket of flowers ready to be put in vases, and before you can get up to head inside you see a shadow lingering above your form. “I’m sorry, but I won't be open for another couple of hours.”

There is no reply, and the shadow remains as still as a statue. You sigh, standing up to turn and be more clear with your words. “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I still need to se-”

The flower basket falls from your grasp, tumbling out and falling into a heap by your feet. Time has frozen, not feeling real as you look at the person you have longed to see for months. You question if you are hallucinating, having had moments where you would see Clive one second and the next he was gone. This, however, was different.

The man before you was not in uniform; just a simple white tunic that displayed a few of his chest curls at the v-cut and regular black trousers with his leather boots. His face was clean-shaven, the facial hair he had kept for so long absent from his face making him look younger. The biggest difference, however, was his left arm; from his elbow down was gone. How could this be hallucination?

“Am I dreaming or is this real?” You breathe, blinking a few times to see if he’d disappear. He didn’t.

He takes a step forward, grabbing one of your hands to place it over his heart. He is warm, his heart fluttering quickly. He is looking down into your eyes, where you see his baby blues grow glossy. “This is real.” He murmurs. “I’m home, sweetheart.”

Something about his words break you, your hands latching onto his shirt to hold yourself to reality. He’s home. My Clive is home. 

You can’t help the sobs that leave your mouth as you bury your face into his chest, making him wrap his arm around you as you both collapse down into the flower beds. You are feeling every emotion under the sun, and you can tell Clive does too as he holds you in his lap. He cries with you, sharing a reunion so pure that it is overwhelming. You lift your head and bring his face to yours, kissing him so deeply that your lungs shake. Exchanges of small words come out between the two of you as you give each other kisses that have been longed for. 

“I never thought I’d see this day.” You say with a wobble in your tone, kissing him again and again. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” Clive croaks, and goes back in for your lips.

There you both make up for lost time; holding onto each other in a field of flowers where kisses and touches are continuously exchanged.

- 

You and Clive eventually went inside. You turn the sign on your door to ‘close’, so no one can bother you two. You watch Clive look around the place, taking in your little set up of flowers on the kitchen table.

“I apologize for the mess. I’ve had a lot of requests over the last few days believe it or not.” 

Clive looks at you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. “That doesn’t surprise me in the least. You’ve always had a way with flowers. Speaking of which…”

He reaches into his pocket, only to pull out the lily you had given him all that time ago. You gasp, surprised he has kept hold of it. “You still have it? But how?”

“I protected it with my life.” Clive sets it onto the table. “You gave it to me with the wish that I’d return to you. I wasn’t going to lose it easily.”

“You are so endearing.” You say, but you have so many things you want to know and that alone puts a small frown on your face.

Clives sees the shift immediately, grabbing your hand to console you. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” 

“What happened at Origin, Clive?” You ask, needing to know what he went through for the time he was gone.

Clive exhales, seemingly knowing that question was coming. He pulls your hand towards him as he walks to your bed. “We should sit down. It is a long story.”

The two of you sit down and Clive still has a tight hold on one of your hands. “Forgive me, for this may take me a second. Thinking about certain events there still hurts.”

You bring your free hand to his face, which feels smooth under your touch. His head leans into your palm, turning slightly to kiss the delicate skin. “Take all the time you need. I am here.” You murmur. 

And so, he tells the tale of Origin. He tells you about Dion’s sacrifice. He tells you about what he found out about Ultima’s plans. He tells you about Joshua’s passing, something he had a hard time conveying without his voice breaking, but he pushed on. He tells you about Ultima’s demise. He tells you about how he woke up somewhere off the Shadow Coast of Storm. And he tells you how throughout his journey back to Valisthea, all he could think about was how he couldn’t wait to come home to you. All of it was hard to listen to, hearing what he went through from Origin till now. 

“So, Metia going out was a sign that magick has been lost…” 

“Mmm,” he hums, the both of you lying down now.

“So that’s why you didn’t become wholly petrified? You stopped it in time.”

“Tarja did a great job removing it and ensuring my stub was healed properly, despite my stubbornness.” He jokes, but you don’t laugh. All you can think about is the past.

“If only I waited a little longer,” you start. “I would have saved us so much grief.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself.” Clive shushes, kissing the top of your head and pulling you closer into his body. “Jill told me you had a very hard time grieving. I will not shame you for doing something you felt was right.

You bury your head into Clive’s neck, breathing in something that is so undeniably him. “You know, when I first got here, I would have these dreams. Nightmares really.”

Clive stays silent, letting you continue. “It would always start and end the same. I would wake up with you in the room, and the next thing I knew you were telling me I had betrayed you… and that you no longer loved me.” You start to sniff, not liking to recall those dreams. “For such a long time, I felt I didn’t deserve to be happy because I had left part of your legacy behind. It felt like your ghost was haunting me day and night.”

“Oh, darling,” Clive pulls you into him so you are on top of him with legs on either side of him. Clive brings your forehead to his, his thumb coming up to swipe the tears building up in your eyes. “I could never not love you.” He looks deeply into you, burning the truth of his heart into you. “I am yours even beyond death.” 

His words overwhelm you, and you lean down to kiss him with every passionate fiber in your being. Your hands go to his torso, running your fingers up and down the sides as you continue to show him how much you love him. He grunts into your lips, his arm holding you down to him. Your hands start to slide slowly under his tunic, your fingers slowly ascending until they reach his chest only to go down again. The delicate touch of your fingers makes his hips buck right against your heat, a grunt and a moan echoing together simultaneously. Your hands go back up again, only this time you bring the tunic with you. 

“We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” You say against his lips.

Clive smirks at your boldness, only to flip you over on your back so he is hovering over you. “That we do, darling. Forgive me, though. Having one arm gives me less leverage.”

You hum, bringing him back down to you by his hair. “I’m sure we can manage.”

You two make love into the night and into the morning, not getting enough of one another; making up for lost time.

Day 200

Since you and Clive’s reunion, he had decided to stay for a while. He had sent a letter to the Hideaway to let them know you were well and that he would be staying for the time being, making Gav in charge. 

“He’ll love that.” You had joked.

“He’s his own man. I have all the faith in him.” 

These last few weeks have been sublime. When you wake up, you see Clive snoozing away beside you on your right; always the right so he can wrap his arm around you in his sleep. He has also helped you with the flower shop. You two would go out in the morning before the heat set in to work the ground and water the flowers. You don’t know if the yearning in your body has yet to be satiated, but there have been times when you would come outside to gather more flowers to see Clive with his shirt off, sweat glistening on his burly chest as he works. It takes every bone in your body not to jump his own. Most times, you are unsuccessful. 

You also found out Clive is quite the salesman. When you two would go out to Dalimil to sell from your cart, the way he is able to convince people to make a purchase is astounding. Is it the charm? The looks? A combination of both? You could guess, but it didn’t matter. Every time you made a sale, he would turn to give you a quick peck. 

“I would kiss you for every individual flower we sell, but we don’t want to scare them away now, do we?”

After a long day out in Dalimil, you two are now inside the cottage finishing up dinner. You are cleaning the dishes when you feel him behind you, wrapping his arm around you pulling your hips to his. You hum in a laughing manner, his friskiness showing as he places kisses on the side of your face. “Clive, let me finish these.”

“They aren’t going anywhere.” He hums, his kisses lingering below your ear. 

You sigh but continue cleaning. Clive, on the other hand, was not having it. He pulls you away, soap and water sloshing from your hands as he pulls you to him. He plops down onto the kitchen chair, bringing you into his lap. “Hmmm, I got you.”

“You are such a horn dog. Are you sure Ifrit still doesn’t linger within you?” You laugh, then squeak when he pinches your side.

“In all seriousness,” he murmurs in your ear. “I want to talk about something.”

“About?” You hum.

“About our future.” 

“Go on,” you urge. “What about our future?”

“Well,” Clive starts, “living the way we have the last couple weeks, my mind can’t stop wandering to what I want for us.”

Your hand reaches up to his cheek, only for him to nip at the tips of your fingers causing you to giggle. “Such as?”

“To start the life we’ve always talked about.” He places more kisses on your neck. “One where our lives are strictly ours. One where I come home to my beautiful wife.” 

“I like the sound of that.” You mewl, his kisses making you squirm in his lap.

“One where I get to see you bearing our child.” His hand goes down to your tummy, rubbing just above your uterus. 

“I’ll be surprised if I’m not already with all the love making we have done.” You giggle. 

He chuckles along with you, his hand squeezing your flesh. “You’d look beautiful. You always do.” He continues, “one where I get to raise a little me, a little you, or both.”

“It all sounds so wonderful.” You purr, feeling all warm and fuzzy at his remarks. 

“Then let’s go ahead with step one.” Clive says, lifting you off of him only to sit you back down. He kneels before you, both of your hands in his one. “I don’t have a ring, but I can’t wait a moment longer. _____, will you do me the utmost honor of marrying me?”

You hum, smiling brightly at his question. “Would you have me in a wedding dress? A big ceremony?”

“Anything your heart desires.”

You shake your head, laughing at his insistence. You look at him, letting yourself get swallowed by his eyes. “I’d marry you with just the clothes on my back.” 

Clive grins, bringing your left hand to his lips as he kisses your ring finger. “I cannot wait to marry you, future Lady Rosfield.”

Lady Rosfield. It has a nice ring to it.

[girlbossblackbeard]

S2 TRAILER ANALYSIS WITH 1 BILLION SCREENSHOTS

obligatory warning that this post is gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO foolishly long and rambling with all my silly little theories and thoughts and if you ALSO have silly little theories and thoughts you should ABSOLUTELY share them here please!!!! we can clown so much harder when our cacophonous honking harmonizes!!!!!!!

NOW ONTO THE POST (putting it under a read more so tumblr doesn't literally explode):

-the revenge looks BUSTED AF: i don't know if this is from general disrepair when ed is in his kraken era or if she was in a battle but her sails are all dirty in the opening shot of the trailer, and later we see stede on her deck with tattered sails and ropes everywhere, AND i'm like 99% sure that the shot of buttons ziplining from one ship to another is him going from the Chinese warfleet ship to the revenge, which i'm guessing is essentially stuck bc the sails are so torn they would never be able to catch the wind strongly enough to move her. I also wonder if the shot of roach shooting a canon at something is him shooting a canon at her since we had all those allusions to her exploding from samba, vico, and david on twitter all those months ago

-stede's earring: he DOES NOT HAVE THE EARRING when we see him lying on the deck next to roach and sighing dramatically nor does he have it during his conversation with Olu about stede dumping him, but he DOES have the earring in later shots like the beach english fight and when he's talking about being a failure his whole life which means WE WILL GET TO SEE STEDE GET HIS EAR PIERCED!!!!!!!!!! we'll get to see him make the decision to look even hotter and who knows who does the piercing for him idk!!!!!! @sluterastede had a dastardly beautiful thought in her brain about ed giving stede the piercing and stede making groaning noises and izzy once again thinking they're flapping their jacks right there on the deck in front of god and everybody!!!!!

-stede is spilling his heart out ("i let him down. i should've just told him how i feel") to susan on her ship (you can tell it's her by the long hair)

-interesting that there's a drawing of a donkey next to ed's wanted poster considering s1 had the line "a rich donkey is still a donkey". also i can't really read what the surrounding posters say other than "WANTED 20 GUINEAS". is this in the republic of pirates?

-stede says "i will find him" meaning ed may be actively avoiding stede at the beginning of the season???? (or the basic laws of travel physics have finally caught up to them)

-"look, captain, you know blackbeard's gonna murder you" i just think it's interesting that Olu is referring to him as blackbeard again even though ed told everyone in his pink robe era to call him ed. like it makes sense that he'd say blackbeard considering ed is on a rampage but it just made my brain wheels start spinning

-the Kraken crew are eating cake :)

-ed is holding a torch while letting the storm rain down on him: i don't think the laugh we hear is his because i don't think his mouth is even open during that slow-mo shot

-STEDE with a TEAR in his EYE as he says "i think i hurt him pretty bad"

-ed sobbing on the floor while the little bride cake topper is next to his head

-ed choking on the weed smoke i'm ACTUALLY crying, but also: where the fuck is ed when he's sitting in the chair smoking??? i thought it was on deck at first bc above his head is really dark and it looks like the lanterns we see on the deck of the revenge but there's a chandelier too?? it might be whatever shop Anne Bonny and her friend "you two know each other?" run bc behind ed in that chair is just a bunch of random furniture and a chandelier like we see when ed and stede are at the market. in fact, i think ed is smoking with Anne Bonny because I think that's her hand in the corner of that shot:

-"no more booze, no more drugs, and no more _____" not sure what the end of that sentence could be but we know that the "stede" that was put in there is NOT what he actually says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-"you two know each other?" now hold on a sec because it kinda sounds like stede met Anne Bonny and Co. separately from Ed/before that market scene (maybe in the teaser clip of Anne on Stede's lap??) WHAT IF WE GET THE AITA SCENARIO WHERE ED AND STEDE TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR VERSION OF EVENTS AND NO ONE REALIZES THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER UNTIL THAT MOMENT BC THEY'RE BOTH SO BIASED ABOUT ONE ANOTHER

-the evil guy definitely got his nose sliced off by Jackie. good for her :D I also don't think the evil guy is Hornigold, i'm still holding onto my theory that the man in the white rags we saw in the teaser and this trailer is hornigold's "ghost" that ed needs to contend with to find his inner peace or whatever a la stede with nigel's "ghost". but i DO think the evil guy is the rich prince dude from that leaked audition tape from rhys's friend. if memory serves, the guy wants to buy his way into the pirate lifestyle but he's pompous and entitled which makes him reckless. based off the production stills we also got today, he still had a nose when he went into Spanish Jackie's...but i don't think he leaves with one. so because he gets butthurt over invading a space that was NOT meant for him and faces the consequences of purposely disobeying their customs, he defects to the english navy and goes on a rampage against all piracy, very MRA energy :/ also, later izzy says to him "you don't know the first thing about piracy" which would further support that this guy just tried to buy his way in

-izzy gets an honest-to-god pegleg but he doesn't start the season off with it because we see him in several shots with both legs, like the wedding raid and swordfighting stede on the beach. unsure if he loses it due to infection from the toe situation or if he gets shot in the knee like i've seen some posts talk about, but @sluterastede mentioned that one of the leaked audition tapes for archie included dialogue about an amputation so maybe that character has to uh. Get Her Roach On

-as i mentioned before with the teaser analysis, izzy is clearly training stede for something and now im guessing it's the english but like we kinda knew that !

-olu is in a bar fight??

-THE "ED GETS CAUGHT IN A BUCKET ON A ROPE DURING THE STORM AND GOES OVERBOARD" THEORY IS OUT. THE "ED TIES HIMSELF TO A MF BIG ASS ROCK AND JUMPS OFF A GOD DAMN CLIFF TO GO ON SOME SOUL-SEARCHING JOURNEY UNDER THE SEA" THEORY IS IN. and what the FUCK is the rag man doing with ed up on that cliff hello?????? if my theory is correct and that is in fact hornigold's ghost or whatever, what advice or harmful shit is he saying that makes ed do that?????????????????????? but do note the large rock with the rope around it in the first pic

-the revenge crew is blowing up SOMETHING on the side of a building. maybe to cause a distraction or gain access inside the building? is it the side of Spanish Jackie's?? also hiiiiiiii lucius <3

-"our entire escape relies on this" i'm just assuming they're trying to escape from the english bc that seems to be the Big Bad of the season??

-not plot related but during the rope swinging training session izzy slaps stede on the ass and makes this face (sir??????):

>he also has his pegleg here so their mentorship may ramp up after izzy is out of commission for hand-to-hand combat. maybe izzy was supposed to have a larger fighting role alongside ed in defeating the english but once he became incapacitated he realized he would need to train someone else up for the job so ed would be sufficiently protected. but it also had to be someone izzy knew would be willing to die for ed to save his life if it came to that, just like izzy would

-"i've been a failure my whole life. it's not so bad once you get used to it" is stede talking to ed here? is that ed's hair in the corner of the frame??

>side note: as mentioned above, stede also has his earring by this point!!

-"you're going through that 'if i was a regular dude' phase" first of all, SPANISH JACKIE AND EDWARD TEACH BEST FRIENDS TRUTHERS RISE UP. second, why would ed be considered a regular dude now?? how did he lose his reputation? did he willingly give it up or was it taken from him? is this permanent or just temporary? or did he fake his own death with the cliff and the rock thing so he could retire and live a more normal life?? the swede doesn't seem scared of him at all in the final clip from the trailer, straight up asking him if he's poor and going "back to basics". of course, that could just be a power trip from being one of Jackie's newest husbands (or at least her waitstaff)

-possibly totally minor/just a continuity error thing, but: ed has a red ring. we saw it in s1 as he picks up the rather fine cashmere and we see it as ed dramatically drapes himself across the ship's helm with his head on his hand. we do not see it in the scene where he's smoking (see above) or the scene where he's talking to the rabbit. now, if you'll allow me a little bit of clownery for a moment, red has been explicitly coded in this show to be a symbol of love/the heart, especially as it pertains to edward like his red silk scarf as a metaphor for his heart in s1. what if. what if he. gave the red ring (his heart) to. SomeOne. because.....................because his heart belongs to st--[GUNSHOTS]

-olu, jim, and archie with garlic around their necks and making a cross with their fingers - clearly they think someone is a vampire on the ship. @sluterastede proposed it could be izzy, especially if he's on the brink of death due to an infection and frenchie managed to spread his superstitions to other people on the ship!

-THIS FUCKIN GUY. WHO ARE YOU??? it seems like he kidnaps stede and his crew and throws a party on the ship and drugs the drinks which is why everyone is kinda tripping/laughing in some parts. but then everyone gets tied down (stede to the mast, wee john's hands get squished, olu and roach's heads get squished, and jim and archie's feet get secured to the ship's railing i think??). also that wide shot is definitely the rando dude hitting some shrill high note at the same moment the revenge crew cry out in pain from all the squishing (except maybe jim and archie - they might just be laughing at the others bc they're badasses and this pain is nothing). also don't know what the guy is looking at when we first see him but im thinking maybe it's a wanted poster of stede and he's looking at the description of the gentleman pirate to confirm it's the dude right in front of him/that he's captured?? also i think roach is wearing flowers from the drug party in his apron when he fires that canon, so maybe he's tripping too and shoots a canon?? i need a prayer circle for the revenge's safety at this time

-stede has a bullet hole???????????????? did ed fucking shoot him in the heart?????????????????????????? he also notably does NOT have the earring in this scene but he does have the sexy stiddies (blue) shirt like we see in the other shot where he DOES have the earring. maybe this weirdo dude pierces stede's ear bc he thinks stede needs to look more piratey?? or stede gets absolutely sloshed (or drugged) and gets his ear pierced idk !!! maybe jim does it bc they're effortlessly cool and has a bunch of ear piercings!!!

-idk if this is a coincidence or not but i'm pretty sure stede in his training scenes with izzy is wearing the clothes he wore in that final shot of s1 as he rows to find the crew on the island (white linen shirt, dark pants, brown belt and boots). so either costume changes are happening later in the season, they're reusing outfits like normal people do, or the training montage happens extremely early on in the season

-so originally with the teaser trailer i thought ed falling in the water was followed by the shot of ed coming out of the water on the beach. i don't know if i fully believe that anymore because ed is NOT wearing his jacket on the cliff (see above), but he IS wearing it as he comes up out of the water, so either it's two different events and ed just spends a lot of time in the water this season or he puts his jacket on before jumping off the cliff

-ed his holding his right side as he slashes that dude on the beach so he definitely got hurt in battle but i hope it's not him getting stabbed bc ur supposed to cleverly take the sword on the left where all the unimportant bits are :(((

-I VERY STRONGLY BELIEVE that the person in the scene where stede turns around and shoots his gun into the air and everyone else on deck suddenly draws their weapons against that person is our boy lucius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's wearing a beret?????????? @sluterastede proposed that lucius got picked up by the english navy after getting thrown overboard and that's why we see him in the english navy garb (which we later see frenchie in too?? i believe an infiltration fuckery is afoot). also the fact that the shot immediately after this one is of Black Pete doing a happy little fist pump which i'm choosing to interpret as a cute little easter egg symbolizing Pete gets reunited with his love. i also also also believe lucius is in the shot of buttons about to zipline from one ship to the other. i missed him :')

-okay i know i said in an earlier post that stede running across the beach was romantic but i changed my mind and i think izzy is just making stede do cardio as part of his training lol. his outfit matches the one he's wearing when swordfighting izzy in that earlier wideshot and i think he even still has the scarf belt and the full beard in both scenes (explained at the end of this post via production stills) so maybe they have an honest to god training montage that takes course over several days and we get an incredible 80s powerballad to play on top of it while stede thinks of ed to motivate him or whatever. david jenkins hire me to help write season 3 i have ideas

-i think jim is behind stede as he breaks into the weirdly religious room we saw in the teaser when stede punches that guy??

-ed is pretty bloodied in the shot of stede leaning over him and saying VERY worriedly "ed????" so my theory is that ed got hurt in battle or he was taken captive by the Chinese warfleet and stede was worried he was grievously injured. however, once ed comes to and realizes who's kneeling over him, he gets pissed and headbutts stede because he's still mad at him for breaking his heart, and maybe his hands are restrained/his body is too weak so he can't push stede away. or maybe they had to begrudgingly work together on some mission and stede fucked it up and ed got hurt so he's mad about that idk!! ALSO HE'S WEARING THE CRAVAT HELLO

-ed in buttons's shirt looking so PEACEFUL what the HELL. obviously it's from the same general time as him being in Spanish Jackie's when she's talking to him about being a regular dude and later when the swede asks him if he's poor addkjfajdfhlkefh i fucking love this show and its writing so much. but ed says "no, i'm just trying something different man >:/" so i wonder if this is ed at the end of s2 or if this is more towards the middle as he's still in the thick of his healing journey. maybe buttons teaches ed about meditation and/or the tai chi he practiced with the Chinese warfleet crew??

-the BTS production still of ed with his "trust no one" tattoo also features what i believe is the treasure chest we see jim carrying off the ship in the shot where fang is smashing two dudes' heads together!

-i also think the BTS production still of stede with the beard is early on in ep 1 because he has a full beard (that im hoping someone on the revenge bullies him into shaving off to the scruff we see in the rest of the promo materials) and ALSO because he's wearing a long red scarf around his waist, which we never see again in any of the other promo material - except, however, around his neck as a makeshift cravat:

>it's the same exact material and everything! my guess is he gets his ass handed to him in a fight (maybe against izzy??) and his scarf belt gets destroyed, so he repurposes the shredded fabric into his necktie

-there's literal gold bars in the background of this production still lmao the kraken crew got BUSY during ed's goth era

>speaking of, the fucking hair dye dripping down izzy's forehead in this production still:

*sad clown noises*

in conclusion:

WE'RE BACK BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

anyway that's my second dissertation on less than 2 minutes of content that turned out to be quite literally 6 pages long :)

[thesummerestsolstice]

Part four of my series on Rivendell's guards! Wherein I finally talk about why Hrivossa and Celecoll keep getting into arguments. You might want to read parts 1, 2, and 3 first for context.

So we pick up after the siege of Rivendell is broken by Gil-Galad's forces

Among those forces is Hrivossa and her Feanorian faction, who weren't in Eregion when it fell (they were supposed to go as reinforcements later, but never had a chance)

So Hrivossa is very relieved that her lord is alive, obviously, and fully approves of Elrond creating his own little haven in the valley

Anyway then she meets Celecoll

Let me be clear; it is absolute loathing from first sight for those two

Hrivossa is decked out in Feanorian stars, Celecoll is still wearing some old Iathrim armor, they know what they're dealing with, and they're not happy about it

They are both just sensitive enough not to start yelling obscenities at each other in the middle of Rivendell's main courtyard

Especially when Hrivossa finds out that Celecoll has been an impromptu guard for Elrond during the siege (and Celecoll finds out that Hrivossa is normally Elrond's guard)

As far as Hrivossa is concerned, Celecoll is a coward who hid behind the girdle and shamefully ran away when her kingdom needed her most, all while keeping the Silmarils from their rightful owners, and who has no business around Elrond, a good Feanorian lord

As far as Celecoll is concerned, Hrivossa is a remorseless murder who's probably still extremely dangerous, and definitely crass and improper, and who also maybe kept Elrond prisoner(?) and who has no business around Elrond, a good Sindar lord

(Sidenote: a lot of people had issues with Elrond's former jailers basically becoming the basis for his house as a lord but that's another post topic)

I want to be clear both of these people almost immediately made peace with the actual orcs they were now living with and they still hated each other

After a few loud arguments (because a few cups of elvish wine can easily overcome both their abilities to not start yelling at each other) Elrond decides he's had enough and separates them

Alternating schedules where they don't have to see each other, and now they live at opposite ends of the growing city

Problem solved, right?

Wrong!

Celecoll moves next to Hrivossa and they start fighting again

I feel like I should note that half the time they aren't even arguing in the same language

Subjects for discussion include: whether or not Thingol was bad, who the Silmarils rightfully belonged to, and most importantly, who gets to guard Elrond

Can you become a toxic divorced couple without ever being romantically involved? Local elves sure are trying

This cycle repeats several more times before Elrond decides that they clearly, like, need the enrichment from arguing or something

He gets their rooms soundproofed so that their fights don't wake anyone else up and just kind of lets it happen

For some ungodly reason yelling at each other a few times a month actually seems to help both of them be more calm and relaxed the rest of the time

Some things are unknowable, even to the wisest minds, and the reason why they're like this is one of them

[allykatsart]

Spades

Spades(Here) Clubs Hearts Diamonds

Starting a small series for the next few days, and I'll be at Fan X by the time the last of these post! I'm not making a full set, but these are the hypothetical face cards of the card deck! All characters depicted are OC's and I'll add more info about them under the cut!

Get Your Own Art!

Cat (Catherine) ~ King of Spades

Cat has had the most changes out the entire cast. Originally she was just a normal college student who found herself wrapped up in the supernatural world. Nowadays, she's the Tether to Cosmo, the Apple Dragon!

Her vibe is that classic, vintage, Americana feel, and she aspires to one day own a Harley. Cat is 4ft 8in tall, plays softball at the local college, and tries her best to stop Cosmo from getting her in trouble. She can bemoan how she got to be a Tether to such a lame dragon, but over time she learns to appreciate Cosmo and master his power!

Her main weapon is a baseball bat and she will take your kneecaps with it.

Mentor ~ Queen of Spades

This character is currently unnamed because I need to put more research into naming conventions. This character is Indigenous American, and I don't want to have something too stereotypical or something that doesn't fit. I designed him with ethnicity in mind because I don't see a lot of Indigenous American representation and I wanted to branch out!

He is the Tether to the Moon Dragon, who is constantly being hunted by the Sun Dragon. So, as you can imagine, he's on the move a lot! He's a biker who travels from Coast to Coast, doing odd jobs and living life on the road. He ends up teaching Cat a thing or two about being a Tether, and why she should respect her dragon. He can't stay long though, he has to keep moving.

Cosmo ~ Jack of Spades

Now, you may be wondering why an Apple Dragon, living on the west coast of America, is an Asian dragon. That's a fair question! Turns out, apples originally came from Kazakhstan, supposedly going through Russia, before finally landing in Europe! "American as Apple Pie" really takes on a whole new meaning huh?

Well, Cosmo followed a similar route! He's the sweetest dragon ever and really just wants to help out his friends. He'll stand up for what's right and help out those in need. Cause of this, he chooses his Tethers very carefully. Aldar Kose, Robin Hood and even Jonny Appleseed were all previous partners of his, and he believes in his Tethers even when they don't believe in themselves!

That being said, he's a tiny dragon and is often underestimated. He's a dragon of Apples, after all, not a dragon of anything important. But he doesn't need to be! He's happy with himself and he can look out for the little guys like him! And hey, if he can save the world in the meantime? Well that'd be just dandy!

(Also, yes, he is designed to look like an apple peel with chocolate on top, cause he's just so darn sweet!!)

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33

[ID: The steam banner of the game, showing 4 characters, 3 of them with weapons in hand and one floating with glowing hands and feet. They look away from the viewer towards something that isn't visible. The background of the scene is hard to make out, with floating and broken objects all over the place. The hue of the image is brownish, the logo golden. End ID]

It doesn't feel like this game needs my tiny review that will be seen by a handful of people, but this is the best game I have ever played (point of view might be influenced by the fact that I just finished it) and I can't not talk about it.

This post will be spoiler-free for the story but mention mechanics.

I also stole the screenshots from the steam page, because honestly, the graphic settings from playing on the steam deck don't do it justice :( Was still fun, though.

The Premise

Once a year, the paintress paints a giant number onto a monolith, and everyone who is at that age or above vanishes. And once a year, an expedition sets out of people who will be next, leaving their safe island to make it across the continent in an attempt to stop her.

At the start of the game, we're down to 34, which means lots of people are orphans and 30 is old. She paints the number 33, and we set out to stop her once and for all. Part of the mission: Gustave, who invented a special little gadget that will make our journey so much easier.

The Mechanics

In the prologue, we get our introduction into movement and combat - which meant I got my ass handed to me by a 16 yo multiple times until I turned down difficulty, a decision I did not regret in the 40 hours that followed. There are 3 difficulties: Story, Expeditioner, Expert. The main difference between those is how much damage the enemies deal, as well as shorter or longer dodge/parry windows.

Now some people claim this game is too easy - because they abuse every single build opportunity and are great at timing. I am not, and I don't find it fun having to fight the same boss multiple times in a story driven game, so story was just right for me. Attacks have a small quick time element (which you can turn off, but at least on story, messing up didn't matter much and it was fun getting a "perfect"), and defenses have a short dodge and an even shorter parry window for bonus damage.

It still wasn't super easy. I got my ass handed to me a couple of times, especially when stepping off the main path. I cannot begin to describe the horror when you spot a mime, think "nope, I am out", turn around, and a second later there is the enemy sound coming closer.

Tutorials are spaced throughout the game. When we get a char, we get an explanation of their mechanic. When we encounter an attack type or status condition for the first time, we get an explanation. New additions are added slowly, it never feels overwhelming, but it does give a tangible sense of progression.

[ID: Screenshot of the game, showing one of the characters in combat, facing a huge monster while holding a scythe in her right hand and throwing a flurry of tarot-like cards with her left. End ID]

Flags are spread at an excellent pace, but you're not limited to saving only there. You can trigger a save by changing a character's gear any time. Resting at a flag respawns enemies for easy farming, and refills all "potion" items you have, so you don't have to worry about using them.

Exploration is worth it. 4 out of 5 times, when I stuck my nose into a hidden path, I was rewarded with some bonus loot. The overworld map has multiple areas that are not part of the main story, and after progressing for a bit you can unlock shortcuts that bring you back into previous areas. Overworld travel also gets more convenient as the story goes on, i.e. you unlock, for example, swimming.

In general, the game is forgiving and allows you to experiment. I found more items to respec skills and attributes than I might ever need. Most resources can be farmed. Enemies drop upgrade items and colour of lumina. Gear is limited to weapons and "pictos" and can be swapped at any point.

Without going into details about the story, it IS possible to continue playing after the end, if you want to wrap up optional bosses or collect items, though it might not make the most sense story-wise. On the other hand, if you do all optional content before that, the final boss will most likely dissolve like a wet tissue.

New Game+ also exists and can be triggered at any point after the game's end. It's also the first game where I feel NG+ will be worth it, because now you know everything and you will see some things in a different light.

The Characters

Ok, now I talked about nothing but the mechanics, which might be because I don't know what to say about the story and the characters without spoiling anything. They are amazing. I loved every. Single. One. I cannot remember a game where that happened. But those characters were so great, so natural, their interactions so wonderful.

Not to be like "this game made me cry" but this game made me cry. Multiple times. Even so, between all the heartbreak there were incredibly funny interactions. Bittersweet and beautiful.

[ID: Screenshot of a closeup of the character Gustave, a white man with short, slightly curly brown hair and a short beard. He is covered in blood and dirt, and he does not look happy. End ID]

And the soundtrack. On youtube, there are 7 hours of music. SEVEN! Every main area has its own theme, with unique combat music as well. It's absolutely astounding, and the music is so good. I'll never forget that final boss fight.

I played it like there was no tomorrow (funny for a game with the line Tomorrow Comes) to avoid any and all spoilers, and oh boy, was it worth it. I 100% recommend looking at nothing. Yeah, I missed one or two items/achievements that way, still worth it. You can only play this game for the first time once.

The Conclusion

Play it.

[aetherdoesthings]

AETHERRRRR. MY BELOVED. HIIII 'TIS I, ENIES LOBBY ANON!!!! :DDDDDDD (also I love hanahaki au fic, I know I said that already, but I just wanted to let you know again)

Came with another request!!! And surprisingly, it's not Robin, even though I love her sm. Feel free to take your time with this one, really, no need to rush! I know you said in your latest post that you haven't gotten the chance to write zoro a lot, so I'll request one for you :))). Also, I don't feel like emotionally wrecking myself, so no angst again, sadly.

Zoro x Reader, where Reader has a crush on Zoro and Reader does a bunch of secret little things for Zoro when she thinks he doesn't notice (like putting a blanket on him when he falls asleep, propping his head with a pillow, slipping the occasional sake bottle next to him, placing a glass of water besides his stuff while he exercises, etc). And I think that Zoro would find out about it but would want to see it for himself, so one day he catches Reader trying to do a secret act of service and it kinda leads into Reader confessing her feelings to Zoro? Anyways, I kinda love Zoro, if you couldn't tell. (but Robin will always be my wife. Unless you're willing to share lol.)

Anyways that was the request, take it or not, this is more for you than me and I just had an idea pop in my head. Thank you in advance!! Again, reminders that I love you and your work and blog are awesome!! :))))))

-Enies Lobby anon :DDD

hello eneis lobby anon!!! robin will always be my wife too 😁 (you can have her during summers)

forethoughts: i just came back from camp!!! i'm so exhausted and my muscles are in pain :,). oh well, life goes on. gonna start writing requests soon. feel free to request if you wish!

notes: gn!reader

From the moment you stepped on board the Sunny as the newest crew member, the sight of the green haired swordsman taking a small nap on deck or working out was enough to make your heart beat and palms getting sweaty.

Roronoa Zoro, the right hand man of the future King of the Pirates, the man who could wield three swords at the same time, and the man who always fell asleep on deck. You were swooned by his camaraderie and bravery in a fight, attracted to those muscles on his arms and back, and even on his legs because he never skipped leg day.

It was safe to say you were completely in love with him, and would do anything to keep him safe and sound.

You knew it was a one in a billion chance that Zoro would even like someone like you, but you didn’t want to simply stay on the side and watch Zoro shift uncomfortably on the wooden planks or shiver from the cold of the night.

Whenever you caught Zoro asleep leaning against the mast, you would put a weighted blanket on his body and a pillow behind his head. 

When Zoro was going into the galley for lunch or dinner, you’d occasionally slip a bottle of sake into his hands like magic, to the point you made Zoro believe if he had the power to summon sake bottles. 

Whenever Zoro announced he was going to lock himself in the gym until he was done working out, you’d sneak into his sanctuary and place two glasses of water on the floor, extra towels, some fruits and snacks, and a protein drink.

You did all of that as quiet and stealthily as you could, doing it whenever the rest of the Straw Hats weren’t looking. Zoro never noticed your actions; he was asleep after all. Or, that’s what you thought.

One day, as you were about to put the blanket on Zoro, you felt a gaze upon you; someone was looking at you doing this. You looked up at Zoro, and let out a yelp, the stone cold gaze of the swordsman boring into your eyes.

“So you’re the one doing this.” Zoro stated matter-of-factly with a monotone voice.

You recomposed yourself, hiding the pillow behind your back, but it was probably useless since the swordsman probably knew. 

“I’m going to guess I’m not really magic, then? I can’t summon sake whenever I want?”

You stayed silent, looking at your shoes.

“Why are you doing all of this?”

You took a deep breath, as the bottle of emotions you had cramped inside your heart began to flood out. You ranted to Zoro about your feelings about him, that you were scared that he wouldn’t ever like you back and that you were out of his league. So you had resorted to doing tiny acts of service to channel and express your feelings. You kept talking, not once stopping for breath.

Once you finally stopped, you looked at Zoro, waiting for a reply.

“Well, you could’ve just said so next time.” Zoro scoffed, beckoning you to sit down next to him. 

You did so, as Zoro pulled your body closer to him, pushing your head against his shoulder. He didn’t say anything after that, and you didn’t dare move. So you stayed there, head leaning on his shoulder as the two of you fell asleep.

[relia-robot-writes]

Lone Wolf

A mech and a pilot handler deal with the loss of their shared pilot

"Commander on deck!"

There was a chorus of boots and servos as every person in the hangar saluted.

"At ease," called the Commander as she made her way to the center catwalk. Thankfully she wasn't one of those hardasses who enforced every single iota of protocol. She didn't need to. She had our respect. "New watch rotations after the latest casualties. Look 'em over, share 'em with your squad, get 'em done. I expect the new rotas to go into place with the 1800 shift. Command's still figuring out our next move, so if you're not on watch, take some R&R. Dismissed."

She turned to go. I looked at the posted watch schedule on my HUD. Then I ran after her.

"Sir!" I saluted, and tried to get my body into a parade rest position. It's not easy when you're twenty feet tall and your arms aren't supposed to bend that way.

The Commander put her hands on the railing and looked me in the head camera. "Yes, Corporal Stormcrow?"

"Sir, I noticed my name isn't on any of the rotas." She stared at me, face neutral. "Just wondering why. Sir."

She sighed, and pulled up her dataslate. "Following the events of Operation Waterfall and the death of Pilot Abagail Walker, awakened machine Corporal Stormcrow is to be relieved of duty until another suitable pilot is found," she read. She put it away again. "Sorry, Stormcrow. I'm sure they'll get you a new pilot soon." She turned to go again.

"Sir!" She stopped. "What if- Sir, I don't need a pilot. It's unnecessary to keep me decommissioned, I can fight just fine without one."

"Rules are rules, Corporal. Can't go breaking protocol just because you want revenge." She didn't turn around. "Dismissed, Stormcrow. Get some rest."

She got another ten paces before I couldn't stand it anymore. "Sir, do you know what the weak point of a mech is?" Everyone in the hanger had turned to look at me, but I was beyond caring. "The pilot! Kill the pilot and the whole machine goes dark. Everyone knows that. But I don't need one!"

She sighed, but still didn't turn around. "Corporal, the rules are there for a reason. The pilot helps you as much as you help them." She sounded tired. I didn't care.

"Sir, I'll blow things up for you. I'll capture targets for you. I'll escort shipments, rescue VIPs, hell, I'll turn into a goddamned truck for you, but I will not take on another pilot." I slammed my giant metal fist into the hangar wall, making the commander stumble. The sound echoed through the silent hangar. Slowly, I pulled myself back into something resembling parade rest, and tried not to scan the dent in the wall.

The Commander turned around slowly. "You're grieving," she said, "so I'll let it slide this time. Dismissed, Corporal."

She walked out of the hangar bay, and I was left standing alone.

---

Rain beat down on the roof of the hangar. Boots sounded on the catwalk, accompanied by the clattering of bottles. I looked up from my welding. "Handler Finn."

"Corporal Stormcrow." She sat down on the catwalk, letting her legs swing out in the air. Her tank top showed off her wiry frame. Not muscular, like Abagail had been, but fit, and too tall for the cockpit. I always felt like she should have been wearing spurs. There was a pop as she flicked the bottlecap off her first beer. "They'll writecha up for that, you know."

I finished welding my cockpit shut. "What are they gonna do, court-martial me?"

"Dock yer pay, at least," she drawled. She took a swig, let the silence roll out in front of her. "I miss her too, you know. There's like... a void in my head where she used to be." She tapped the side of her head, where the uplink implant was.

I contemplated my cockpit. Finn took another drink.

"Hell, how long did we work together? 'Spect it's only natural."

"Depends on how you count."

"Pardon?" She leaned against the railing, letting herself go boneless.

I turned to face her, my head level with the catwalk. "I spent ten years non-sapient as her M.I., and then another five as Corporal Stormcrow. Is that five, or fifteen?"

Finn let out a low whistle. "Fifteen years, huh? Can't hardly believe it." She took another swig. "Goddamn."

Lightning flashed through the windows, and a beat later a long, drawn-out rumble sounded through the mostly-empty hangar. Finn and I stared at the rain together.

"So, you wanna go solo, huh?"

"It just makes sense," I said, a little stiffly. "No pilot, no risk. They can shoot my cockpit all they like." I ran my fingers over the patch job the engineers had done after the op.

"Guess I can't blame ya. I ain't the one putting my neck on the line." She took another plug, set the empty bottle down.

"......yeah," I said. "It won't... be the same without you."

"Then again," she popped the cap on another bottle, "there's a reason they group us all up. We watch each other's backs."

"What's a scrawny little pilot supposed to do to watch my back?" I snarled. "Pain in my ass."

Finn put the bottle down and gave me a look. "Now, I know you didn't mean to say that about our poor Abagail."

I couldn't look her in the eye. After a moment, I muttered, "I did a pretty piss-poor job of watching her back, too."

Rain fell against the windows in waves. After a moment, I looked back at Finn. Her cheeks were wet. "Damned," she said, a hitch in her voice, "leaky roof. Command really oughtta fix this thing. Somebody could get hurt."

I scanned the sealed roof, and looked back at the rain. "......yeah."

"You know- you know she wouldn't blame ya. Right?"

I put my hand over my cockpit with the sounds of shifting metal. "...yeah. But that-" a warning flashed on my HUD, and I dismissed it. "That doesn't matter. I'm still going solo."

"Mm." Finn picked her bottle back up, swirled it around by her fingertips. "I met the new kid."

It took me a moment to process the change of subject. "The pilot? They replaced Abagail already?"

"'S conditional," she said, taking a drink. "Lots of pilots in the program these days. Supposed to be the safest place in the forces." She let out a hollow chuckle. "Seems like a good kid. Eager, but respectful-like. We're s'posed to have a neurolink test next week."

I couldn't believe it. "You- you can't be serious."

She looked at me and wiped her cheeks. "I can't live like this, Stormcrow. Not half-in and half-out. Not with this... hole in my head. Mebbe you're built different, but for me, it's either this or..." she let the sentence trail off into the rain.

I shook my head and started walking to the other side of the hanger. To replace her? So quickly? Maybe humans could forget that easily, but I couldn't. I could still feel her, hands on my controls, voice shouting in the neurolink...

"-mcrow! Stormcrow!"

"Huh?" I jolted to. Chronometer said several minutes had elapsed. Finn stood on the catwalk near me, holding her half-empty six-pack.

"I'm headin' out. Gonna take a walk, try and get my head on straight, before I get all maudlin on ya." She grinned ruefully. "Well, more maudlin."

I straightened myself up. Could at least keep things professional. "Good to see you, Finn. Take care." I held out my finger, and she shook it.

I turned to go back into my charging alcove, but she stopped me. "Hey, after the neurolink test next week, I want to bring the kid by. Have her meet you, hear your side of things."

I bristled. "I'm not gonna let some punk kid pilot me."

"No piloting. Just... remembering Abagail. So she knows."

I relaxed my alert level, sighed. "All right. See you around, Finn."

"Take care, Stormcrow."

I plugged myself in, and listened to the sound of the rain.

next

[hlficlibrary]

✤ Omegaverse Fics ✤

A series of posts with the top five fics of each category by kudos plus five more hidden gems from that category! Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

- Top 5 H/L Fics -

1️⃣ Cold Little Heart by seducedbycurls {T, 194k}

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something -odd.

In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham Louis really could use the help

2️⃣ Swim In The Smoke by whoknows {E, 101k}

“What about this, Captain?” Liam asks, nudging the boy kneeling between their feet with the toe of his boot. The boy hisses and swipes at him, slurring out something unintelligible around the makeshift gag Niall had to stuff in his mouth. He misses by a mile and tries again, just as ineffectively.

Harry looks down at him, at the way the sun streams over his face and shoulders, at the way the gag stretches his mouth, lips pink and chapped. He’s lithe and pretty, smudged all over with dirt. They had found him tied up below deck, mostly unconscious, next to a barrel full of gold. He’s clearly a prisoner, but there’s something familiar about him, something that niggles at Harry’s brain. Something he can’t quite put his finger on.

“Put him in my cabin,” Harry decides, turning back to deal with the rest of the loot. The boys screams out jumbled curse words at Harry’s back, muffled by the gag, and Harry can’t understand any of it.

3️⃣ With love comes strange currencies by mediaville {E, 16k}

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won't be around Harry every waking moment. He'll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it's bound to do, if they don't mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he's going to have to deal with this.

or, They're Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

4️⃣ You Smell Like by mystic_believexx {M, 185k}

For her part, Jay took everything in her stride, barely batting an eyelid when Louis came into the kitchen the night Harry left and said, “I seem to have accidentally become the pack’s Alpha”. 

Ever since Harry left town, Louis’ found himself with the role of pack Alpha, despite being human. So he can’t wait to hand over the reins when Harry returns. Except, it’s not quite that simple…

OR The one where Louis is the Alpha’s mate and everyone is aware of it except for Louis and Harry. Go figure!

5️⃣ Queen of Arizella by seducedbycurls {M, 277k}

Stealing from Royalty is punishable by death.

Louis starts over, doing his best to keep his hands at his sides but he is hungry and he tries stealing from the wrong Royal.

Harry is King of Arizella, he needs a Queen and who better than an omega on the run from death? Louis will learn to become the perfect Queen -the perfect fake Queen, but only for a few months.

A fake lover, a fake Queen, but a real bond.

HIDDEN GEMS:

💎 Love After the End of the World by @mercurial-madhouse {E, 162k}

“Wait. Just so I’m clear in me fucking noggin,” Niall says. “An international worldwide takeover is well under way and the only thing standing between having hot showers and a second end of the world is us five fuckers?” 

Society shattered when all electricity suddenly cut off across the globe, plunging the world into darkness. Now, Prometheus Industries is the sole remaining supply of power, a saving grace to those who survived Lights Out. As fugitives in no-man’s land struggling to break into Prometheus HQ, death lurks around every corner for Louis and Zayn. Things get complicated when a routine recon falls apart and Louis collides with Harry and his mates Niall and Liam, survivors with their own agenda.

When staying alive is already a constant battle, the deadliest weakness is to be in love. For Harry and Louis, finding each other sits on top of the endless list of What Else Could Go Wrong.

💎 Unveiled by @phdmama {M, 65k}

The train grinds to a halt and Harry leans forward in his eagerness to take it all in. It’s a gorgeous Spring day, the sky the same intense blue that he knows from home, which comforts him. There’s much here that looks almost familiar, but then so much that is new and strange to his eyes. The bustling station platform and winding streets beyond paved in cobblestones look much like home. There are vehicles ranging from small to very large, some with strange and unusual shapes of which he can only guess the purpose. But most surprising are the people. There is a crowd gathered, filled with men and women, some in what looks to be a military uniform, some in what must be the street clothes in this Land.

There are no robes. And not a single one of them is veiled.

💎 dip you in honey by delsicle / @eeveedel {E, 28k}

Princess Harry, the pearl of England, is set to be married to the youngest prince of France in just six months. Anxious about his performance on his wedding night, he enlists the help of his loyal handmaiden Louis to help him practice everything he needs to know

Omega/Omega AU

💎 I'm Weaker Without You by The_Halcyonic_Lachesist / @chai-hat-tea {T, 20k}

Alpha Lord Louis Tomlinson is a rake who refuses to settle down. Will he settle down for the Society's most talked about Omega? What about the enticing scent that belongs to the Beta? How will he react to said Beta pursuing the Omega too?

💎 Where I'm Meant To Be by Halos_Boat / @halohamilton {E, 6k}

Harry and Louis have been sleeping together casually for a while. As two Alphas they never wanted to define it as anything more.

When Louis helps Harry out with his rut so he can get it done in time for his exam, they're forced to face feelings they were harbouring for a while.

[ourimpavidheroine]

For those of you that still read my fic (HA!) I want you to know that I have completely finished 4 chapters of a 6 chapter fic. It's called The Sun is in the Western Sky; Or the Coronation of Firelord Juziya, and that's exactly what it is, Wu's diary POV. Six days of it, set in the summer of 190 (so Sayuri is 20 months, Meili is 9, Zhi is 12 and Naoki has just turned 16). Complete with teenage dragon, even.

Everybody is there, as per usual, and there will be clothes descriptions, drama (both domestic and otherwise), several parties, bets taken and won, hot weather, bending displays, politics, knives, fans and all sorts of the usual fun that you people sign up for.

I don't want to start posting it until I have at least the meat of chapters 5 and 6 written down, because I do not want to leave the fic hanging with its ass out in the wind like I've done before. But for those of you who are always asking me if I am ever going to do an actual chaptered fic again, please know that it is coming. I promise.

There's a little snippet under the cut. I reserve the right to make changes!

Republic City (en route to Hari Bulkan) Midsummer, Dragon Month, 9th Day, 190 AG

I must tell you, Progeny, that things were simpler when there were only three children and one spouse to prepare for royal occasions. To whit: preparing all four of my children plus both of my spouses to attend Firelord Izumi’s eightieth birthday celebration, where she will officially abdicate her throne to her granddaughter and heir, Crown Princess Juziya. Who will then, of course, be crowned.

I have known of it for quite some time; Juziya wrote Qi about it last year and Qi mentioned it to me. I say mentioned it to me because I am not privy to Qi and Juziya’s correspondence. They struck up a rather unheralded friendship four years ago when we all went to Ember Island for the New Year by Izumi’s request; Juziya attended our wedding (and I cannot even speak of what that abominable creature Bob did to her, I am quite sure I will never recover, wars have been fought over for less) and she and Qi have corresponded frequently ever since. I attempted to remonstrate with Qi that said correspondence should be preserved and collated for archival purposes - a Crown Princess and Royal Consort! - but Qi told me, and I quote, “They aren’t for you, so quit trying to get your grabby little hands on them.”

GRABBY LITTLE HANDS!

Do not blame me if you are unable to read what I am certain is historically pertinent, Progeny. My grabby hands and I are willing to suffer any and all insults for the sake of history but Qi quite refuses to budge. Nothing moved them. Perhaps I can bring it up with Juziya. I am certain at least she will understand the imperative of preservation. We are not the only ones going. Izumi extended the invitation to Tenzin and Su Beifong and their families as well, and of course Lin, although she will be coming with us. We will be taking the Republic City Beifongs as well as Korra and Asami (Korra is naturally invited to these sorts of things, the perks of being the Avatar), especially since I commissioned a new airship as soon as we got our official invitation. It was not out of the blue; I have always been very happy with the one Asami gave me all those years ago but I have known for some time it was simply too small to comfortably accommodate all of us, especially since we often include the family here in town. I of course know next to nothing about the specifications of airships but Qi and Captain Orino met with Asami and talked shop (as Qi always puts it) and Asami made one exclusively for us, which included enough deck space to facilitate various air bison and one very large (and opinionated) gold dragon. (I had thought a swimming pool would be a particularly enjoyable touch but was informed that it was a poor idea for an airship. All I have to say about that is that I am entirely certain they would have made it work if it had been my late and not remotely lamented Great-Aunt asking.) Naturally once it was finished I took charge and had it appropriately furnished, with staterooms for the entire family as well any guests we might be taking about. I have also hired both a permanent chef and steward to coordinate the temporary staff that my PR firm supplies us for our journeys. (Mako felt perfectly free to ask me if I was also going to hire a cruise director which I did not find particularly hilarious, thank you very kindly. As if a permanent chef and steward for one’s airship is somehow extraordinary! What are we to eat while we are traveling, Flameo Instant Noodles? Ridiculous. Are we to be the ones directing the temporary staff in setting our tables and making our beds? Simply absurd. Everyone knows that a steward on an airship is an eminently practical thing to have, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before.)

I have not worried overmuch about what Mako and Naoki would wear to the coronation itself; both of them have been given Samurai status by Izumi and although we are all there representing the House of Hou-Ting they will wear the appropriate armor as a sign of respect to both Firelords, old and new. It goes without saying that the other children and I will wear traditional Earth Kingdom robes. A coronation is a very formal event and naturally we will be wearing Imperial yellow. (It is not Meili’s best color, alas! But needs must.) I shall even pull out both of my official crowns and my court beads, and there are some traditional ornamentations for the children’s hair as well. Lin, I assume, will be dressed in her Beifong finery (I am certainly not going to ask her about it, I would like to live to see my next birthday) and LoLo always wears his dress naval uniform, there can be no complaint there!

The issue, of course, was Qi. I have tried on numerous occasions to ascertain what they are wearing to the coronation but they simply refuse to discuss it. I was informed that a)they were not a citizen of the Earth Kingdom but would instead represent Republic City, and b)our marriage contract forbade me from dictating what they would wear at any time. I could not countenance the speciousness of this declaration and immediately made a call to my lawyers. You can only imagine the utter shock I felt when I was informed that yes, indeed, that particular emendation had been part of the negotiated contract and I had signed off on it.

Progeny. You must know that I love Qi with every single breath in my body. However this is not the first time I have discovered some sort of deviousness in that contract. I blame the Beifongs for it. Everyone knows how they are! I went to have it out with Lin and she merely laughed in my face and told me that’s what I got for hiring a creaky old lawyer who wouldn’t, and I do quote, “…know his asshole from his elbow.” Vulgar!

I did not speak to her for an entire day. I wish I could say that it had distressed her but I had to give it up when it became painfully apparent she had neither noticed nor cared about my pointed silence.

[shads-shipposts]

Finally. Five years after the story actually takes place, I can share with y'all the book that was meant to start Adventures!AU. This book has gone through an insane amount of iterations, and is actually unrecognizable from  the original script. But the delay is a benefit, because now I have a better idea of where I want the series to go as a whole and am also better at writing. 

This story should be finished by the end of the year 2025, with chapters 0-20 completed. How long it will be, I haven't a clue. "Act I" was originally 10 chapters and now it's 20, so who knows lol. 

This story occasionally features the main characters of the movie (Tintin, Haddock, Sakharine) but is mainly focused on the sailors. This story won't be as gut-wrenching as my other fics (especially OtRaTtW), but there will be pain. It's not a Shadow story without it. 

This story does deal with sensitive topics from time to time, but each chapter will have a warning before anything intense. However, this is the only warning posted for the minor stuff typical of my fics: adult language/humor, graphic descriptions, and canon typical/atypical violence.

I realize the fandom for this lot is small, but I really do appreciate any comments or votes on this fic. I plan to remaster this after I finish this "first draft", so if there's any constructive criticism you have please let me know!

Enough talk, enjoy the ride! It's gonna be a wild one.

Also, Merry Christmas!

Next Chapter: Here Ao3 Version: Here Masterlist: Here

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Scared, Allan?"

It wasn't the first time he'd found himself here after he closed his eyes. It'd been months since the incident that gave rise to the scene playing over and over again in his dreams, but time hadn't dulled any of his emotions concerning it.

"I must say, your fear scent is... unique. Fishy and tart."

Confusion, horror, shock, disbelief.

"Don't worry your little head there. I respect you and, strange as it may seem, I do find the need to fear you."

Yes, fear there too.

"Funny ain't it?"

And who wouldn't be scared?

"An Alphian fearin' a human."

When they were faced with an alien of unknown magical abilities?

"Don't see that every day."

The scene wobbled and fizzled at the edges, like staring at a reflection on the surface of a stormy sea. The secrets surrounding the scene trapped deep in its depths, unreachable even if one tried their hardest to grasp the answers.

Allan Thompson walked through the scene, removed from his own actions as if he were just on autopilot. He couldn't change the scene, no more than someone watching a reel on a screen.

He sat at the table, across from the half-human, half animal woman that watched him like a hawk. Dark stripes cut through her light skin like thick shadows across a moonlit patch on deck, a black and white tail flicked behind her, and piercing eyes the color of glaciers scanned him inside and out. She was a head shorter than him, yet power radiated off her like heat from an open flame.

His voice reached his ears, muted and distant.

His own and yet... not, in a way.

"Kid... I'm sorry about Turtle."

The alien looked up at him, the furry ears on the sides of her head flattened against ginger hair.

"Thanks, man."

Those cat-like eyes shifted to the side, as if searching for any other threats.

He knew it was a dream. Knew what was about to happen.

It did not ease the churning of his stomach.

"Actually," she continued, mouth moving but voice coming from the very walls surrounding them. "I kinda wanted to ask you about something related to that."

Allan knew what was coming. Knew what she was going to ask.

Knew how badly it would go, how swiftly the scene would turn dangerous.

But he was helpless to do anything but follow the script. Follow the events as they unfolded.

Eyes on her hands, waiting to see those thorn sharp claws, Allan again heard his voice from far away.

"Aye?"

He wished he could change course. Wished he could prevent what came next. Perhaps, if he could, then things would be different.

But no.

"Let me go after that short slaver with the dark brown hair. I want his head for orderin' me to kill Turtle."

There it was. The request that shattered everything. The request that would leave Allan with gaps in his memory that no amount of pondering or searching could ever fix.

He felt the shock course through his body, felt his spine stiffen and his heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry," he heard himself say. "But I can't allow that."

Ears shot up, a tail bristled, sharp teeth bared, and anger blazed in those icy eyes.

"What?"

If only he could alter his words. Explain more, explain better.

Save himself.

If only.

His voice came again. "I can't allow you to kill him."

He had dreams. He had nightmares.

This hell was something else entirely.

Pupils narrowed to slits across from him, jagged scars streaking down the table as wicked claws dug into the old wood.

"Is that your final answer?"

There was red now, deep in those eyes.

He could only watch, silently scream in his head as he fought with all his might to change the memory.

"Aye, I refuse to let you go after him."

Futile. The scene would play out as it had many nights before this one.

The woman stood, ears low and tail lashing.

"Whose side are you on, Allan? Huh? The slavers?" A snarl curled her lip, the temperature around them plummeting as ice snaked out from her hands across the table. "How disappointin'."

The edges of the scene corrupted, bleeding red and black.

He wanted to scream. Wanted to run. Wanted to hide.

Hide from the devastation bearing down on him like a hurricane at sea.

But there was no refuge. No escape.

"There will be another time to kill him."

He had to witness the event that would alter his fate.

Words came faster now, a distorted echo to them that sent chills down his spine.

"But I heard the other slavers talkin'! He's goin' on patrol tonight! I can't pass up this opportunity to claim revenge for what he did."

"Look, kid. I said no, and that's final."

"Nobody's gonna stand in my way. Not even you. Stand down now, Allan. I don't want to hurt you."

He got up.

Walked over.

"I told you no, kid! That's an order!"

"Give it up, Allan. I'm doin' this my way. I'm killin' him tonight and you can't stop me. Don't even try to."

He got close.

Too close.

It was over fast. She winded him with a headbutt, driving him back into the wall hard enough to stun him. He didn't even have a chance to rise to his feet, weight pinning him to the floor. A rag clamped over his mouth and nose, drowning the world in a sickly-sweet haze.

Darkness followed swiftly after, a growl echoing in his ears.

"You brought this on yourself. Sweet dreams."

And those were the last words he ever heard from Scarlett Hyde.

Allan sat up in his bed with a gasp, cold sweat pouring down his face as he fought for breath.

Was that her now, hiding in the dark corner?

He flicked on the light, fingers struggling to grasp the knob.

Nothing, just his trenchcoat.

It was too hot. Too stifling.

Air.

He needed air!

Staggering to the porthole, he yanked it open. Cold, salty air and the distant chime of harbor buoys greeted him and he leaned against the wall, eyes closed as he fought to catch his breath and soothe his racing heart.

Lifting his eyes and scanning the docks, Allan found them still bathed in the warm glow of the harbor lights with the inky black sky above devoid of stars thanks to the light pollution from the nearby city of Antwerp. The Karaboudjan sat desolate in her berth, undisturbed and peaceful with her own lights turned off and the crew inside her still sleeping.

Utterly lifeless.

A relief to Allan, for no one had seen him fling open the porthole and gasp like a half-drowned man starving for air.

No, Allan realized with a flash of irritation. There was a person standing near the bow of the ship, Allan could see them from the corner of his eye.

Must have been that damn FBI agent that had been sniffing around the past few days.

Allan told that aristocratic fool Sakharine to be more subtle rather than just strolling about like he owned the place. His insistence on dressing fancy all day and probably night instantly set him apart from the dockworkers, drawing unneeded attention, but he just had to let his pride and ego get in the way of keeping a low profile.

Great, he thought. Not even dawn and I already need to deal with...

He nearly fainted when he finally turned his full attention to the figure.

That was not the FBI agent.

In fact...

It wasn't even a human.

Is... Is that an Alphian?!

Certainly looked like one, there on the street staring up at him from under the amber cone of the street light. For a tense moment, Allan thought Scarlett had come back; a long black tail covered in silver stripes, tall pointed black and white ears sticking out from holes in a dark hood, and bare lower legs covered in the same markings from the knee down.

But... no, Scarlett's ears were rounder, fluffier. Her tail was thick and furry, not sleek with a large black spade at the tip. She also had thinner, longer stripes cutting through the black base. Not thick, broken spots.

And the glowing green eyes gleaming from beneath the hood most certainly weren't Scarlett's.

An ally, maybe?

Allan hesitated, gathering breath to call out but uncertain if he should or if the Alphian was even there.

A work truck trundled by, sputtering as it struggled with a load of crates.

After it passed, the Alphian was gone.

Mad.

Allan Thompson was actually going mad.

He could hardly be blamed.

First his old boss starts trying to get him to return to his fleet with his temptations slowly mutating into threats that grew more vicious every time.

Then a new man in a fancy suit and tie presents his own offer of money in exchange for Allan's aid in a treasure hunt of all things while also being far too interested in Allan's drunken captain who couldn't even piss straight let alone remember his ancestors.

Then he started having flashbacks of a hijacking that brought him into contact with not only slavers, but fucking aliens, one of which joined forces with him only to knock him out to go slaughter some of the slavers...

What was even worse...

After that fight with Scarlett, any and all memories of the Alphian ceased. He couldn't even recall what happened once he woke up, which alarmed him greatly because there was a significant event he just could not remember. Because they sure as hell didn't go from being overrun by slavers to being back at their home port without any sign there was even a hostile force occupying the ship.

Only one man had memories of Scarlett that went past Allan's; Tom Anders.

His friend and trusty right-hand man. The closest person to Scarlett on the ship prior to her mysterious disappearance.

Allan hoped he could have shed some light on Scarlett. Maybe Scarlett somehow drove off all the slavers after knocking Allan out, accessing some type of beast mode or something. She was an alien, and could shapeshift, so it wasn't entirely implausible.

But no.

Tom's last memory of her was Scarlett heading off the ship into the woods. Tom went after her, only to find himself face to face with the same slaver Scarlett was after. The slaver attacked him, but Scarlett showed up in some animal form and attacked the slaver. She won the fight but was stabbed in the process. Tom tried dragging her back to the ship after she shifted back to that half-human form, but then his memory too went dark.

That was it. The trail ended. Went cold. With no hope of recovering the fractal memories.

Maybe Scarlett was around longer, and had some alien way of wiping their memories. Why, then, did he have any memory of her at all? If she truly aimed to wipe all memory of her existence, he should have forgotten her in totality.

Instead he was left with only partial memories and no explanation that could even remotely make sense of the event.

Every port they stopped at, every contact he knew, he asked. When Scarlett Hyde rang no bells, he tried the false name she gave at first; Shadow. Still nothing.

He tried her description, her species, her family name, everything.

Nothing.

As if neither she nor her species even existed in the first place.

But now, after months of searching and dealing with intermittent nightmares, an Alphian just shows up outside his window only to vanish into thin air.

If it was even there to begin with.

"Get a hold of yourself, old boy," Allan laughed nervously, running his hand halfway through his hair before gripping it tightly in a feeble attempt to ground himself in reality.

He was seeing things.

Yeah, he...

He was just seeing things.

A knock sounded on his door, and Allan turned away from the window to stare at the clock by his bed.

05:00 am.

His port watch wasn't due for another few hours, so it couldn't have been someone calling him for that.

"Al?"

Tom. What was he doing up this early?

Passing through his dayroom, Allan opened the door and found Tom looking almost as disheveled as himself. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Allan asked, taking in Tom's bare feet and backwards shorts.

Tom rubbed his arm. "It... happened again."

Allan's eyes widened. "Scarlett."

Tom nodded.

Allan stood to the side to let him in. "You too, huh?"

Tom straightened, looking slightly more alert as he sat on the couch in Allan's dayroom. "Same dream?"

"What other dream would it be?" Allan growled.

Tom wasn't put off by his tone, but then again he never was. "What are the odds, huh?" he said in an attempt to lighten the mood, a weak smile accompanying the joke.

Allan wasn't amused. "Real funny." He leaned on the table, pushing his hair back. "This is the fifth time in two weeks," he growled. "I do not need this. We got that proud peacock prancin' 'round like he owns the damn ship, orderin' us to and fro like damn dogs. I don't need this headache on top of it."

"At least the cap ain't givin' us any issues."

"Don't think that old man would notice if I scuttled the damn ship," Allan grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Probably not." Tom tilted his head. "Don't think the dreams mean anythin', do ya?" he asked, somewhat desperately.

"Concurrent dreams about an alien that we both know had the power to alter dreams?" Allan said. "It's fishy."

"Think she's comin' back?"

Allan shrugged tiredly. "Hell, Tom, I don't know." He glared in the direction of the door. "At least Sakharine finally tracked down the second ship. Then we can be back at sea, and I'll have other things to keep my mind on."

"Yeah, can't wait to have that guy off." Tom shuddered. "Gives me the creeps."

"Feelin's mutual."

Allan wondered if he should tell Tom about the... apparition on the docks. He quickly decided against it, not wanting to wrangle Tom when the man tried to hunt the ghost down.

It would be his secret.

Just get through the day and you'll be back at sea. No more FBI agents snooping around, no more headaches from watching Sakharine waltz through the docks like a blind idiot, no more...

Whatever the hell that just was on the docks.

Allan stretched. "Guess I may as well get coffee, not like I'm gettin' any more shuteye today," he said gruffly. "Want some?"

Tom nodded, stretching too. "Won't say no." He shuddered. "Anythin' to keep awake after that nightmare."

Allan understood his hesitation with going back to sleep. Tom's dream was far worse than his, with the man being hunted down in dark woods by a slaver bent on murder. Scarlett's animal form wasn't exactly comforting either, Tom describing it as a large feline with saber teeth that was a third again the size of a normal tiger.

"Alright, I'll be there in a minute. Maybe Vinny or Yanny have somethin' already."

Tom nodded. "I'll wait outside."

As Tom left, and Allan headed back to his room, the first mate mumbled under his breath.

"I really hope it was just coincidence." He punched the door open. "Because I cannot deal with anything else."