#i can never romance Astarion as Tav again it's Durge from now on | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

michanvalentine · 3 months ago

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So, I started my second playthrough as Astarion. Partly because I wanted to try romance with Shadowheart (I'm not sure I would have succeeded with the vampire available at the camp, lol), partly because I wanted to understand Astarion's character even more deeply. Fortunately, having already played the game I'm going significantly faster (and therefore my husband probably won't ask for a divorce). At the moment I don't want to talk about this second experience of mine, but only express some of my reflections regarding the character of Astarion. I certainly won't say anything new, but bear with me, I'm of a certain age and I only finished the game recently! xD

Astarion: It's not fair, darling, I wanted to be the only one holding knives to other people's throats!

Browsing the web I often read that Astarion is evil. I think instead that judging him is all too easy, if we consider his vulnerabilities. And yes, that's exactly what it's about: vulnerability. Because Astarion doesn't have the means to defend himself or approach the world in a way that we would consider healthy. For example, Tav/Durge could easily take advantage of him and Astarion would let him do it, which is uniquely sad (spare me, I only saw it on YouTube, I would never dream of doing something like that to him). As much as he tries to disguise it with his charm and his sharp tongue, Astarion is a victim. At the beginning of the game he still thinks and acts as if he had never left Cazador's pleasure chambers, despite the freedom he has gained. One of the very first things he does is prostitute himself for Tav/Durge's favor, hell! And if they wants, Tav/Durge can act towards him as a surrogate master who decides for him (what he can or cannot eat, whether or not to bite the perverted blood merchant, etc); and, again, Astarion will let them do it, because he is used to it that way. And when things go differently, he is surprised and doesn't know how to react. Astarion knows nothing else. He is literally incapable of anything else. Cazador himself says it, in a truly chilling way. Because it's damn true. And sad. In the mind of the abuser, the one who created and shaped him, it is clear as day: without a figure to refer to, for better or for worse, Astarion does not know what to do with his life. Not anymore. Not after Cazador made him his obedient puppet. For 200 fucking years. In fact, Cazador is certain that without the presence of Tav/Durge (the alternative) Astarion will return home to him. Even if it means sinking into a nightmare again. Or even die. Because Astarion has nothing and no one out there for him. And it's such a real concept that it breaks my heart, because even in real life abusers scorch earth around those who are unfortunate enough to end up in their clutches. So that they can never escape from them.

Astarion: I mean... five minutes ago I was in the kennel... and now I have to save the world without even a bit of therapy?!?! Of cooourse, what fun!!!

Yes, Astarion was once a magistrate. And no, not a corrupt magistrate; there is no evidence of this in the game and as far as I know the old concept for his character has been discarded. On the other hand, I have the clear feeling that he was a rather severe and intransigent magistrate, yes, which may have led him to the tragic night of the attack by the Gur. In any case, the person he once was is dead and buried. Cazador took it. Eradicated in 200 years of torture and replaced with another existence: the vampiric one. And we know well what the rules of vampiric society are: Vellioth passed them on to Cazador and Cazodor to Astarion. So the magistrate (with all his wealth of experience) is no longer a part of him that Astarion can appeal to extricate himself from the complexity of the situations he suddenly finds himself experiencing, free from the control of his master. The boy doesn't even remember what color his eyes were anymore! And that's why he is completely defenseless. And scared. Even the possibility of finally being able to decide causes him deep anxiety.

By defenseless I mean that he does not have the skills (or at least a shred of self-esteem) to manage relationships or situations in an adequate and healthy way, let's be clear. Therefore on many occasions he acts or reacts (and it is how he behaves, let's underline it, not what he is) selfishly or even cruelly. Often just to give himself a tone and not always feel miserable as usual.

So I wonder if someone who has just begun to live again, to rediscover the world and himself, can be called evil. At the end of his quest Astarion himself will declare in front of his tomb that he must figure out who he is and what he wants. So the Astarion we met at the beginning can't be the real Astarion, right? It cannot and must not be the Astarion on which to base an objective judgement. Not to mention that being evil and performing evil acts are two completely different things. Wyll is a good guy, yet he made a deal with a devil, for example. In extreme situations even the kindest and most sensitive person in the world could find themselves carrying out controversial actions. None of us will ever know what we are capable of, for better or for worse, until we find ourselves in similar situations.

If we then consider the context in which the character of Astarion moves, I wonder more about why there is such a stir. In Faerûn killing, threaten or deceiving are the order of the day. For everyone, including heroes. Lady Ailyn is literally a beacon of hope, a demigoddess daughter of a good deity, yet she can be terrifying. The way she punishes the wicked is inhumane, violent. Outraging the body of the downed enemy is not a good deed. It even goes beyond punishing the evil one in question. For us in the real world it is a crime punishable by law. For her it's a personal matter, of course, we know this from her story. So why can't Astarion enjoy violence and blood? He is a vampire, he cannot eradicate certain instincts. And it's great to hear him say it in his own voice, point out the hypocrisy and the double standards: "It turns out no one actually cares about murder, as long as you murder the right people." And after 200 years of impotence, tasting power and enjoying it seems to me at least the least. Of course, it's not a good thing when it comes to bending others to your will. But, as stated, carrying out an evil action (or boasting about it, because Astarion often barks and doesn't bite) does not necessarily mean being evil.

Astarion: I see you there, stumbling. Pathetic. Leave room for the professional, who better than a rogue can move lightly on the thin line between good and evil?

I think that saying Astarion is evil is completely flattening his character. People are not that simple, nor are circumstances or where we come from. At the beginning of the journey he behaves like an asshole, yes, and exceeds in his base instincts which he must learn to control. But he is willing and able to learn and that makes all the difference in the world. Of course this depends on Tav/Durge, on the player himself, the only one who can show him another way. Or not.

I also add another consideration; and I get involved too because I'm human and not a saint. In living everyday life we are much more similar to the character of Astarion than to the classic hero. In small things, of course, we mind our own business, we try to avoid trouble, we compete with others to achieve a goal to the detriment of competitors, we don't risk our lives for complete strangers, at most we call the police; effectively letting someone else deal with it. All this while having a normal life, without having to fight for survival. We lie, we talk badly about someone behind their back, we hurt the people around us. Then maybe we'll apologize... but I'll tell you a secret: Astarion is also capable of doing it! So I wonder if sometimes it's so easy to be so hard on him because in him we see the worst traits of human beings, our worst traits. The ones we reject. Just as Astarion is harsh towards those who share his same fate, because: "I just... I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn't need to know my shame."

To top it off, the game and interactions change depending on how the player approaches their adventure. The choices I made in my heroic playthrough probably led me to see a part of Astarion that was decidedly human and not very monstrous. And despite my heroic (and rhetorical, lol) acts, his approval was always pretty high. Let's say I had fun defeating him with my patience, unconditional trust and so much kindness. I will never forget his line at the brothel: "Eugh, dont' be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back." Priceless.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 astarion #bg3 #bg3 screenshots #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate iii

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vspin · 1 year ago

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Astarion should have had a post-Araj conversation (that doesn’t lock in the romance) AND the unprompted confession

You might have noticed that Patch 3 changed Astarion’s romance progression a bit. Previously, if you had entered Moonrise and had high enough approval with Astarion, he would approach the MC at a long rest and confess his manipulations and growing feelings towards the player character. It’s such a beautiful scene and is so well acted. Now that confession is tied to after you kill Yurgir and if you haven’t talked to Araj in Moonrise.

I actually kind of like his confession being tied to progressing his personal quest, and if you think about it an early admission in Act 2 does seem kind of quick based on his past/struggles.

Buuut, I am disappointed that if you talk to Araj early-on you can lock in the romance then and you won’t get the unprompted confession later on, because I think that scene is much stronger from a ROMANCE and partnership perspective.

Araj Conversation

The post-Araj conversation is an amazing moment for Astarion’s development and arc. His realization that he never stopped acting like a slave. His decision to stand up for himself and advocate for what he wants. It’s so powerful. It’s a critical moment for Astarion and his journey to be free from Cazador.

Honestly, I think tying it to the romance really cheapens it and creates an initially one-sided dynamic for his romance.

These are the dialogue options after he thanks you:

The first 3 options lead to him opening up more about his feelings and this line:

After this, if you want to progress the romance you tell him you care for him and it leads to the hug scene/whatever option you want.

BUT HE NEVER MENTIONS MANIPULATING YOU and that he's developed feelings. Hello Astarion!? I feel like that's kinda important to the dynamic here! With these options, poor Tav is left in the dark because it doesn’t come up again really.

Now, if you pick the last option: Why sleep with me?

You get these lines:

(His face lmao, smug little bastard)

His line delivery here is interesting. He’s very matter-of-fact about it. He’s like “duh! I was using you and it was easy”.

Depending on how you're RPing your MC this pretty rough lol. A naive and good-hearted Tav may have actually thought there was something there.

And these are the dialogue options to respond to it. That’s it. No pushback from Tav. They can end things, just be friends, or progress the relationship. Idk it’s just not my favorite.

Unprompted Confession

Compare that to the unprompted confession.

He approaches Tav. He confesses the manipulation and what I think is super important he is THINKING about Tav’s feelings: “You deserve something real.”

And what I love is that Tav can choose to immediately confess their feelings or push back a little here:

I think this is a much better dynamic between potential partners. Options 2 + 3 really give more context to his feelings and also allows Astarion to reiterate his positive feelings towards MC.

Up until this point in the relationship, the MC has given a lot to Astarion, and Astarion hasn’t given much back beyond sex. Tav has listened to Astarion open up about Cazador, protected him from the monster hunter, helped with his scars, the mirror conversation, let him drink from them (potentially), and supported the endeavor with Raphael.

I think this conversation is Astarion acknowledging all that and him giving something back in return by being honest with his feelings, even if there is a chance he’ll get nothing out of it.

I think this why people love the Durge x Astarion romance so much because it offers more give and take between the two, and depending on which confession scene you get with Tav it is a very one-sided dynamic in comparison.

The second scene a MUCH better foundation for something to develop between the two in my opinion.

Final Thoughts

I think the Araj scene should happen regardless but with the romance portion omitted. Of course, I think Astarion should still break up with MC if they made him drink, force him to have sex, or give Tav an option to end it as well if this isn't something they want to involve themselves in.

Then, I think you should get the actual confession after defeating Yurgir. I think it makes sense that after Tav has advocated for Astarion’s autonomy and helped with his scars he realizes his feelings.

Big thanks to these Youtube channels here and here for the screenshots. My saves are a mess and I didnt want to fight with it.

#astarion #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #astarion romance #astarion x tav #astarion x mc #astarion ancunin #astarion x dark urge #bg3 astarion #bg3 mine

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petit-etoile · 1 year ago

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Astarion/Tav prompt (or Reformed Durge): "I would have you smile again. You will live to see these days renewed. No more despair." I know it's a Lord of the Rings quote but gosh if it doesn't remind me of them ;-;

this is the end of the world ( a time for something biblical )

pairing: astarion/tav wordcount: 5,219 content warnings: canonical mentions of death, spoilers for the dark urge storyline & astarion's act iii romance, graphic mentions of injuries, references to cann.ibalism as a metaphor for love, mental health issues & physical ramifications from the tadpole + rejecting bhaal, i highly recommend listening to the exogenesis symphony by muse other tags: canon compliant, canon-typical violence, character study, introspection, hurt/comfort, whump, canon temporary character death, the dark urge as player character, codependency, religious imagery & symbolism, p.orn with plot archiveofourown: here.

tag list: @azrielshadows1nger, @pandimoostuff, @faevi, @microskies, @foreverthemaraudersera, @queenofthespacesquids, @claryvoyantfray, @6doodlaang14, @anne-isnotokay, @itshimbotime, @yeeteth-the-raven, @sessils,@8-opossums, @worryknotdear, @abirdaboxandachippedcup, @ghosts-and-ink, @b4um3pfl4um3, @gunslingerorchid, @hypopxia, @m0ssytrees, @erysione, @odette-attackattack, @catching-fire-in-the-wind, @ashrio20, @wills-mental-illness, @queenofcarrotflowers-s, @kirahlene be added to the taglist here

summary: ‘Stay,’ Astarion says weakly. ‘I don’t want to be alone.’

‘Your life is mine,’ he says, cruel eyes gazing at you. ‘Accept your inheritance, or I will reclaim it.’

‘I would rather die,’ you say.

His hateful eyes narrow dangerously. It was never a good idea to betray a god, nonetheless one who had created you so lovingly. His voice is a low growl when he dismisses you — and suddenly, white-hot pain shoots through your veins and threatens to swallow you whole. Bhaal raises his hand and your blood obeys.

‘You were made to conquer,’ he snarls. ‘To devour!’

‘I don’t need any of this,’ you spit out. ‘I don’t need you. The only family — I know are those who fight by my side! I will not be what you made me!’

The sickness in your belly surges until you think it will overcome you. You stagger forward until your knees hit the stone floor. Bhaal is forcing you to submit, to become what he had made Orin. This thing won’t have you, Astarion whispers against the curve of your ear. It won’t win. You’ve got this, darling. And I’ve got you. You want to believe him, but your blood-kin has done damage beyond repair. What were children beyond the sins of their father?

‘You reject my blood?’ Bhaal asks.

‘Yes,’ you whisper.

‘Then I shall reclaim it,’ he says, his promise a growl in his throat.

You were your father’s seed cultivated to perfection by determination and bravery. Now, you were nothing more than a disappointment to be snuffed out root and stem. You choke on the warmth in your throat. Your veins seem to have exploded beneath your skin. You sneeze, red oozing from every orifice.

‘I will make another who is worthy,’ says Bhaal, lifting his hand.

As he raises his hand, you are forced to kneel. Every single one of your muscles contracts in agony. The others might be shouting but you can hardly hear them over the roaring in your ears. Your blood is rejecting you. Festering inside your flesh like a disease. Like the skeleton carved into the wall, you weep blood down your neck. No matter how hard you try to close your eyes to prevent it, your rich ichor abandons you.

No, you want to tell him. The rot of his blood will end with you as it had with Orin. The abomination of murder will never set forth and harm another. You reach for the dagger at your hip and raise it, but the Avatar of Bhaal dissipates before you can strike. The weight of your body collapses forward.

Like a wounded beast, you keen loudly, shaking your head as if that will free your ears from the blood inside of them. You were born from this blood. You were created by this blood to be who you are today. Rejecting it should be like a sin — but if sin is a seed, you have eaten it willingly from the hand of mortality. If Bhaal is to reject you, then you will reject his godhood.

You close your eyes as blood overtakes your sight. You press your forehead into the stone to fight your fever. You shiver and gasp. You gargle on the proof of vitriol and lean into the chilled floor, resigned to your fate. At least you wouldn’t become a mindflayer…

“No!” Astarion wails. Your heart shatters. ‘No, please — Not you!’

I’m sorry, you say. You close your eyes and remember the color of the sun in his hair. I didn’t mean for this to happen. This isn’t what I wanted. Your fingers curl against the stone, and then — There’s nothing. Astarion touches the sleepless bruises beneath your eyes with such tenderness you forget his strength. You lean your cheek into his palm and sigh sleepily, but even as exhaustion overtakes your body, you shudder. You’re afraid to sleep, to dream. You don’t want to hurt anyone else ever again.

‘You have to rest, my love,’ he murmurs. He allows you to lay on his hand as though it were a pillow. ‘When was the last time you slept through the night?’

‘I’m not sure,’ you confess.

‘I might be a sleepless creature of the night,’ Astarion says, ‘but you… You needn’t fear your dreams when I am here. I’ll protect you no matter the cost.’

‘And who will protect you if I sleep?’ you ask.

You must be frowning, because Astarion uses his other hand to soothe the crease between your eyebrows. He sounds so outrageously heartbroken that you want to cry. You don’t want him to think he isn’t a comfort… You haven’t slept beside someone in so long, and the warmth of his body has always lulled you to your dreams peacefully until recently.

Astarion swallows thickly. ‘I’m not afraid of you. I’m not afraid of this. I’m with you forever and always.’

But what if there isn’t an always?

‘There is always a future for you and I,’ Astarion vows. ‘Now sleep. He can’t control you as long as I’m around.’ When you open your eyes again, you’re greeted by the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. His eyes are a soft cerise, and his cheeks are high and sleek, his lips plump and his hair soft and curled. An angel. You’re unable to control the way you reach your hand to touch his cheek, smearing a crystalline tear across his wan skin.

‘Who are you?’ you whisper, voice caught painfully in your throat.

‘Hush now, my love,’ he whispers. He presses a sweet kiss to your mouth, and when he pulls away, his lips are ruddy and wet. ‘Thank the gods… I thought I had lost you.’

Oh, you think. You remember now. This is the man from your dream… You try to recall the details of how you know him, but it’s hard to follow a train of thought. You turn from side to side. It’s so hard to move, to focus. Your limbs feel as though they are made of lead and marble. Everything aches. The tips of your fingers and your nails down to the little bones in your toes. Your head, though, is the only part of you free from intense pain. It’s as though a weight has been lifted from the veil of your memories. You rest your arm across your waist, too tired to keep it lifted.

‘Who…’ Your brows furrow in confusion. ‘Who am I?’

‘I know you were once a child full of life and love,’ the angel says to you, gently cradling your face in his hands. ‘I know one day you were afraid and unsure and half-mad. I know you stained the streets red with cruelty and devised a plan larger than all of Faerûn. But I know you are strong and that your heart is good. You saved the tieflings, and you saved the refugees, and now you will save the world that threatens to be plunged into darkness.’

You smile. ‘That doesn’t sound like me at all,’ you confess.

The angel shakes his hand, fingers pressing hard into your skin. His voice breaks. ‘But I know it to be true, so you must believe my every word. You are brave. You are kind. You are good. You are my love, and I know that I am loved by you in return. You are a protector,’ he tells you. ‘You have protected everyone, and now it is time to protect yourself. You have survived two gods and now you must survive a third.’

The knot in your throat grows larger with every word. You think you remember now. Yes, you can remember it all very clearly. You know the weight of his hands like baptism. You turn your cheek and kiss his palm, smudging his skin pink.

‘Astarion,’ you whisper.

Your love smiles down at you, your blood dribbling down his chin.

‘What happened?’

‘Let’s not worry about that,’ he shushes you, massaging the bruises beneath your eyes. ‘Come, let us get you cleaned up.’

‘I don’t think I can walk yet,’ you say. Admitting it makes you feel weak.

‘Don’t worry,’ Astarion says softly. ‘I can carry you.’

‘I will bloody your clothes,’ you say.

‘Bloody them,’ Astarion says. ‘I don’t care.’

Astarion does carry you. He carries you all the way back to the inn, to a private room just the two of you share. He orders a tub to bathe you in and then takes an hour to scrub your skin clean, carefully cleaning your gore from your hair and scalp.

You watch as Astarion passes a bar of soap against the skin of the top of your arm over and over again until it is red then pink then flesh. Then, he gently twists your wrist. He cleans the underside of your arm next, and your palm. He washes your fingers until they do nothing but shake in the cold air. You curl your fingers around his.

‘Was it hard?’ you ask him.

‘I will never forget the smell of your scent,’ Astarion replies.

He moves to wash the hollow between your collarbones, encouraging you to recline in the water. He washes your chest and your stomach until his grief washes over him in waves. His chin shakes until a sob escapes. He presses his face into your hair and wails softly into your crown. When he’s done weeping, Astarion returns to his cleansing. He speaks not of it again. There is so little of you left.

You often wonder how much of your brain is left between the parasite and the hole your father has left you. Sometimes Jaheira still looks at you as though the rot of your father isn’t entirely gone. You don’t blame her. You’re waiting for your control to snap. You were good once. You could be good again. You want to be good again.

Shadowheart smiles at you now. Lae’zel no longer frowns. Even Wyll has taken up eating beside you again when it’s nighttime and the adventure can go no more. Gale pours you an extra serving of wine. He says you need it. Karlach lets you hold Clive at night when Astarion goes hunting, and he goes hunting often now. It makes you wonder if your blood is vile.

Part of you wants to ask him if you’ve done something wrong. You’ve committed no crime, but you feel like you have. Your memories of before are slipping away. Your memories of now seem to do the same.

You wait in your tent that night for Astarion to return, your blanket pulled around your head and shoulders. You rehearse what you’re going to say. You want to reassure him you’re not angry. You just…feel loss. Empty. The loneliness nips at your bones like crows at carrion.

When Astarion slips inside, he looks guilty. It almost makes you want to change your mind, but you have to know. You feel as though you’re going mad. A flightless bird trapped in a cage. Like Dame Aylin trapped in Shadowfell. He refuses to meet your gaze.

‘Have I done something — ’

‘You,’ Astarion says through gritted teeth, ‘are perfect. Every time.’

You want to cry. ‘Then why do you avoid me?’

‘Avoid you?’ Astarion repeats incredulously. He looks at you now despairingly. ‘No, that isn’t what this is at all. I would never avoid you.’

‘You’re hunting more often,’ you say in a low tone, a whisper. Accusatory.

‘Can you blame me?’ he asks plainly.

It’s your turn to look away in shame. ‘If it’s too much, you should sleep somewhere else.’

‘I don’t want to be apart from you,’ Astarion says.

‘Then how do we fix this?’

‘You cannot fix what is not broken.’

‘Astarion,’ you plead. ‘Hold me or — I don’t know who I am anymore.’

Astarion wraps his arms around you before you can say another word. His lips are like a halo against your head. Each kiss he presses against your scalp is a prayer from a sinner. You turn your cheek, and he kisses you so passionately it makes your empty head spin.

You relearn who are you in his arms that night. And as he regales you with tales of your history, you think you can imagine them in your mind’s eye. He kisses your wrist. He tells you a happy memory when he kisses the curve of your belly, and when he kisses your ankle, he promises you that everything will be worth it.

It wasn’t you that was the problem. There wasn’t a problem, not really. Only an impiety he wanted to atone for. He struggles with telling you, but when he whispers it against your thigh, you understand.

‘Your blood,’ he says, voice strained. ‘I cannot escape the smell.’

‘I’m sorry,’ you say, but he shakes his head and his hair tickles your sensitive skin.

‘No, I — It is my shame,’ he confesses. ‘I’ll admit I’m a lech.’

Astarion struggles to put his words in a coherent structure. When you died, he was horrified and distraught. Only the gods know how hard he wept seeing you lifeless. Yet it was his vampiric nature that had betrayed him almost as much as your life’s blood had betrayed you. He felt hunger.

How could he be sad when he was so ravenous? Was he not an evil man, or is this what made him evil? That, in all of his beautiful tears and lamentation, the urge to devour you, bones and all, nearly consumed him? Your death was horrible, ugly, wretched. Your death was beautiful and coveted.

Astarion devours you again that night, mouthing and licking and sucking at your swollen core. He makes you a martyr in his grief. His tongue teases you over and over again. When you’ve climaxed once, Astarion seeks out to make you do it again until your legs are shaking violently and your voice has gone hoarse. He doesn’t take you that night, not in the traditional way, but he swallows you up regardless.

It isn’t until afterwards when he’s laying with his head on your chest that you understand his tragedy. It’s a misfortunate impossibility trying to grieve when you can’t stop salivating. Astarion thinks you’re horrified by the admission, but after knowing your past, it was hard to feel scandalized by anything.

You pet his curls away from his face, watching as he listens to the hum of your heartbeat. He might have it memorized by now, but each time it beats, Astarion’s eyelashes flutter with admiration. It is a hymn, a doxology, a liturgy that only he knows the words to. After all, he wrote them on your skin and immortalized them forevermore. He is so beautiful, you think, when there is no trouble to be seen.

You were once both trapped by your dark god’s design. You had set yourself free. You had sprouted the wings of a swan guided by the empathy you had planted in a garden as a child. It would be Astarion’s soon, and you would carry him in compassion until the thorn crown was placed upon his brow.

Astarion’s eyes are closed. In your perpetually confused state, you mistake him for having fallen asleep and resort to doing the same. The city becomes chilly at night and your skin is decorated with gooseflesh. He rises almost immediately and you try to chase after him, fingers piercing through a ghost.

‘I wasn’t going anywhere,’ Astarion says immediately. He drags his cape from the corner of the tent and lays it across your shins. ‘You were shivering.’

‘I’m not used to this — ’ Will my mind ever be the same? ‘ — chill.’

‘I will be here,’ he promises. ‘Here, let me hold you for the night.’

You clumsily trade places with him, and he tucks your blanket and his cape around your body as tightly as he can. He kisses you passionately and you taste your familiarity in his mouth. It’s so sweet that you sigh. ‘I know what you did,’ Orin says hatefully, spitefully, cruelly. Her voice is like honey.

‘What have I done?’

‘Did you think I wouldn’t know?’ she asks. ‘Filthy rotten blood-kin undeserving of our father’s gift!’

You repeat yourself. ‘What have I done?’

‘You,’ Orin spits, ‘think your grey matter deserves to be loved! I should carve it out! I should make it disgusting and sticky again! Split it’s skull open! You foul traitor!’

Slowly, you pull Orin into your chest. You hug her and smooth her hair down her back. Her arms wrap around you begrudgingly until the lovingkindness causes her to rupture. She sobs into your neck hideously, clinging to you. She wails and she wails until you are both children again staring up at your grandsire for approval.

‘It isn’t fair,’ Orin tells you, hiccuping. She wipes her nose with her fingers. ‘It isn’t fair.’

‘I love you, blood-kin,’ you say. You kiss the top of her head.

‘Slaughter kin,’ she says sadly. She holds your hand with her snotty palm.

‘Sister,’ you say. In the coming weeks, your mind hardly gets better. Memories are still missing. You catch yourself gazing at the mirror longer than you expect to. You used to be so beautiful. It’s hard to recognize the face staring back at you. You touch one cheek and then the other. You turn your head and watch your jawline.

No, it still isn’t you.

You take the knife in your belt to your hair and begin cutting away pieces you don’t remember. You lean forward and smudge your eyes before sitting up straight and trying again. You recognize a part of yourself. You chase that feeling. You press your hand against your heart. You smile faintly. Astarion sobs so hard you think you might lose yourself. You’re at a loss of what to do. He’s alive but he keens like a dying deer. It’s supposed to be healing, you think. Cazador is dead. His reign of terror should end. Astarion is saved and he saved himself. You couldn’t be prouder of him.

Slowly, you step forward one foot after another. You collapse to your knees at his side. It’s easy to pull Rhapsody from his fingers. You drop it by his side. Slowly, as if in a dream, you hold him like you held Orin. Astarion sobs harshly into your collarbone and clings to you so tightly you might break.

‘I thought — I thought — ’ he cries brokenly.

I thought it would make me feel better, he says without saying. You shush him and pet his hair. Cazador’s blood smears against your cheek when Astarion burrows his face into your neck. You let him linger. You aren’t sure how long you sit on the hard marbled floors, but when you stand up, your knees creak so loud you’re almost insecure about it.

This time, it’s your turn to carry Astarion. He won’t let you pick him up, but you hold him by his waist. You carry him past your allies, past the onlookers who once saw you in opposition. You order the maids to bring you a bath, and as Astarion hiccups in the water, you bathe him.

You wash the taint of Cazador from his body. The soap cleans the dirt and the blood and the memory. You wash his chest and his belly and Astarion thanks you hoarsely. He looks at you, and his eyes are so wide and beautiful that you cry too.

Dying isn’t easy. It isn’t beautiful or romantic or a sweeping gesture. Dying is painful and hideous and ugly, and you have saved Astarion from a lifetime of torment. Rather, he did it by himself with your help. You swipe the soap against his cheeks and use a rag to clear it away. Astarion’s hair is somehow curlier when it’s wet, and you part the curls so they’ll dry without tangling.

Astarion watches you miserably as you towel his hair. You wipe droplets of water off his skin and slowly slide him into his smallclothes. He accepts your blanket and wraps it around his shoulders, staring at the wooden floor, at his feet.

‘Stay,’ Astarion says weakly. ‘I don’t want to be alone.’

‘I would never let you be alone,’ you say.

It isn’t what you bought the room for. Really, you only wanted to wipe the blood from his face but now, you climb into the sheets next to Astarion and hold him tightly. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about the future. He doesn’t want to talk about his siblings either or the thousands of spawn waiting to hang on his every word.

And you can’t even blame him. The gods know how long it took for your tongue to become free from the weight that held it still after you betrayed your father. Karlach said you talked a lot before, but now it’s hard to say anything without wondering if your words are in the right order. Astarion cries softly as if to not awaken you from your slumber, but you can’t fall asleep. You can’t toss or turn either, but dreams evade you.

Dawn peeks through the window. Dawn-bringer, Jergal had called you. You slide out of bed carefully then and cross the room. You draw the curtains shut. Astarion watches you curiously from where he burrows in the sheets. His brow furrows adorably when you climb back into bed and plaster yourself to his spine.

‘Ah,’ you say monotonously. ‘The sun is gone. I suppose we'll stay in until it returns.’

After a day of lounging, Astarion still isn’t ready to talk about what’s on his mind but he watches you do your favorite mundane mortal things with explicit interest. He has you read the book you’re reading aloud, and if it takes you a few hours to struggle through one chapter, he says nothing about it.

Every once in a while, another one of your companions comes to sit in.

Lae’zel tries to commend Astarion for his warrior’s heart without sounding stilted, but eventually she gives up on complimenting him to sympathetically let him know she understands. They had all seen Vlaakith. Karlach brings Clive by and carefully arranges him in the bed next to Astarion. She tells him that he’s fucking awesome and asks permission to hug him.

The touch nearly sends him spiraling.

Gale approaches in his usual manner. He brings Astarion a bottle of wine spiked with blood and lets him know he’s available to chat whenever Astarion feels up to it. Wyll spends thirty minutes apologizing for the bad blood between them, which is funny considering their bickering was hardly vitriolic. Shadowheart visits and gifts him a perfume that makes his lip wobble dangerously.

Jaheira, Minsc, Boo and Halsin come together solemnly. They might be the least offensive of the bunch. Boo gives Astarion a thousand kisses on his cheeks, and Jaheira finally tells them a story of her youth. Halsin has Astarion drink a potion, not because he’s injured physically, but because it should help with his pain. Minsc tries teaching you a Rashemen dance, but Astarion laughs for the first time that day and you do too.

‘It is good,’ Jaheira says, ‘to see you both smile again.’

You touch your mouth shyly. Your cheeks are sore. Astarion’s smile fades slightly but returns in full, timid confidence lighting his features once more. Halsin crosses the room and opens the curtains you’ve closed. The light douses the room in holiness, and you turn your face to watch the sunset, unafraid of what the future will bring.

‘That which troubles you will soon be over,’ she promises. She pats Astarion’s hand, and although she doesn’t say it, you know he’s her son. ‘You will live to see these days renewed. There will be no more despair.’

You’re both left alone again together. Astarion beckons you to the bed instead of your chair and you join him, carefully sitting atop the covers, a respectable distance between your thighs. You inhale carefully.

‘You did the right thing,’ you say. ‘Not completing the Black Mass.’

‘Perhaps I had inspiration,’ Astarion replies. ‘You had a chance to become the Slayer, a being more powerful than you could have known. But you didn’t.’

‘I betrayed my father,’ you whisper, staring at your hands. ‘And he killed me for it.’

‘And if I had completed Cazador’s ritual,’ Astarion says, ‘I would have become Mephistopheles’s whore. I refuse to bow to the whims of others. Being an Ascendent…was blinding me to the truth.’

You look at him curiously then. He confesses to you his sins. He has thought of ascending, and thought of it often but it was never to protect himself. After a certain point, he wanted to protect you too. Your Urges had been mistaken for something else then. A possession, an invasion. Astarion sought to exorcise you of your demons.

But when you had died and the diseased lifeblood fled from your veins, Astarion realized the truth. The ascension would not have helped him protect you. It would have tainted him. It would have contorted him. Rising above all other vampires, Astarion would have become cruel like those before him. He does not want to be cruel to you. He wants to learn kindness as you have. He reaches for it like he chases the sun.

Astarion takes you by the hand, smoothing your skin with his thumb over and over. His skin is cold beneath yours. You curl your fingers into his. He did not want to make you a slave, not again. Not to him.

‘You are the dawn-bringer,’ Astarion says. ‘Even if I never see the sun again, I am free.’

‘I love you,’ you say, voice shaking. ‘I’ll be with you. In the darkness.’

‘You fool,’ Astarion laughs affectionately. He leans across the distance and kisses your temple. ‘There is no darkness. You are daylight incarnate.’

You look at him sharply.

‘I’ve been thinking about something,’ he says. ‘It’s…been on my mind all day, but I think it’s time. Say you’ll come away with me.’

You and Astarion dress slowly. You would follow him almost anywhere, but this is different. There’s something to be done. You don’t dress in armor, and for that you’re almost grateful. You’re tired of fighting. You’re tired of seeing blood.

But it isn’t blood or anything blood related that Astarion takes you to see. One minute, you are wandering Baldur’s Gate at night, and the next, you’ve come to the hollow of a tree where a gravestone is coated in vines.

‘This…is where my old life began,’ Astarion tells you softly. ‘Beneath there, I was turned into a monster. But Cazador is dead now and I get to decide my own fate.’

Astarion tells you in painful detail about his transformation. How his wounds fused themselves shut but the pain never went away. He tells you about breaking through the wood of his demise and the fear that flooded his veins and how, just when he thought he had found his savior, Cazador had laughed wickedly with his cruel glowing eyes.

‘I was his,’ Astarion murmurs, ‘but not anymore.’

He kneels before you on the dirt before his tombstone and bows his head. The prodigal son returned home. The sight of it causes your heart to squeeze. You want to step away but you can’t. You’re afraid.

‘There is nothing left of the person I was before,’ he tells you. ‘I am free to become who I want to be, free to start a new journey. I have all the time in the world to figure out who I am and what I want, but I think I know.’

‘I love you,’ you say again. ‘You’re what I want.’

‘You were by my side through all of this,’ Astarion says, eyes glimmering in the moonlight. ‘And now I want you to christen me. Inaugurate me here on the site of my rebirth.’

This is another dream. You hold your hands over Astarion’s head and sprinkle imaginary water over his head. His eyes close instinctively. Love washes over him, something golden. You kneel down and pluck a flower from the earth and it does not bleed. Relief floods your veins. For once, you touch something and it does not rot. Carefully, like a ghost, you slide the flower into Astarion’s hair and watch as his crimson eyes spill open with tears and devotion.

Astarion kisses you, and for the first time in a long time, he presses his body against yours. He takes you that night in the dirt. His leg is tucked under yours, his cock against your core, his lips never leaving yours. Astarion recites verses in your ears until you burst with ecstasy, tightening around him so much that he can hardly move. He cradles the back of your head to comfort you as he drinks your blood. He cradles your head tonight because he loves you.

‘I am yours,’ he whispers against your skin, ‘and you are mine.’ You aren’t sure when or how Astarion has the time, but he presents you with a gift the night before the world ends. He wears a matching flower from his grave pinned to his armor at all times now. And on his hand, a ring with a silver band. He slides one over your finger as well and kisses your palm as you slowly realize what it means.

The family you’ve chosen throws you a celebration. The next day, Dammon arrives and shows you your repaired armor now dyed white.

You cry for hours out of happiness. ‘This could be the last chance we have for this,’ you whisper to Astarion.

Everyone keeps telling you that a light has returned to your eye, but you don’t see it. It isn’t until you’re laying naked with Astarion again, his skin pressed against yours, that you think you can see it too.

Astarion fucks you tenderly until you’re sore, and you cry and plead sweet things against his shoulder while he holds you safe in his arms. When the pleasure becomes too much and your spine arches from the mattress, he pulls you into his lap and holds you safe against his chest. You kiss him until your lips are sore.

‘Your life is mine,’ Astarion murmurs. ‘You belong with me, my love.’

‘I’ve never been happier,’ you moan weakly.

He has taken you again and again this evening. He doesn’t say it, but Astarion is afraid of what tomorrow might bring. You have outsmarted gods and men. You have found goodness where there was nothing but darkness. You refuse to be afraid now.

‘We were made to conquer,’ Astarion says. His mouth is like a fire across your cheekbone. You shudder around his cock.

‘Take my love,’ Astarion commands you, so you do.

You kiss a ruby bruise into his neck, and Astarion fills you with a grunt. He doesn’t part from you. He guides you back down into the sheets and burrows against your body as if determined to climb between your ribs. You smile. Astarion has already made a home in your bones and flesh. He has eaten the rot from your core and recreated you anew. You were not his sin but his salvation. Perhaps he was yours too.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion x you #astarion x oc #extremely #aeristarion #coded #from ，carcosa .#anonymous #my fic #this might be my favorite thing i've written in a really long time #i think it vaguely fits the prompt i tried my best #sometimes...................sometimes.

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astarionconsort · 1 year ago

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Ascendant Astarion was driven by fear, but can you really blame him?

Okay so I just read the newest interview that mentioned Astarion reasoning behind his ascension was driven by fear and I thought it made sense?

Tho I don't believe that fear was the only force behind the reason of his decision to ascend, there's a longing to be alive again to enjoy everything that the world has to offer, the need for certainty and also to protect his loved ones (when he has a love interest)

But let's talk about this fear part, there are people (even the companions) who expected that 'he should have known better' or 'shouldnt even think about ascension' and sees this fear in the recent interview as something that is so horrid but here's the thing.

"You are right to be afraid." I mean DUH obviously it makes sense. Astarion lives in a very dangerous world where countless undead risen from their graves thanks to necromancer toying with life and death, there are bandits everywhere, monsters, evil gods who never failed to make life even more miserable than ever and even the supposedly good aligned god can be so awful at times, etc etc.

The party that he traveled with and himself were infected with worms that would eat their brain and transformed them into a living husk, the absolute cult and the dead three were on their tail, angry devils, Cazador wanted him back and not to mention the Githyanki and their lich queen wanted them dead as well for what happened with the prism

Even during act 3 where they were supposedly close to victory. The victory was not set in stone yet, nothing is certain and something could have gone wrong. They could have died or even worse!

Not to mention he's a man who was tormented for 200 hundred years. He was stripped of everything that he had and even his own reflection, reduced to catched rats to sustain himself.

Can you really blame him for wanting to seek a way out from Cazador's torment, the hunger for blood and the indignity that he suffered for so long?

Also it would be harder to convince him to not ascend if Tav or Durge romanced him. Because now he's not just afraid for his own safety and his future but also his lover. The only person whom he ever love and genuinely love him back in 200 years (also not ending up as a victim for Cazador)

Most people would have killed him when they found that he's a vampire and infected with an Illithid parasite. Most people would have abandoned him

Tav/Durge was the only light in his life after years of living in darkness and torment, you can't really blame him for wanting to keep this light from being snuffed out by untimely death

And if that means sacrificed 7000 souls that he already damned anyway (undead like vampire wouldn't be accepted by good aligned gods in the after life, not sure about evil gods but most deities most won't accept them) so be it

I don't see this fear behind his decision as something that is objectively awful? I mean it is a natural respond anyone would have if they were in his shoes

Then you might ask "If Astarion loves Tav or Durge that much why he insisted on turning them into a vampire? And break up if they refused?"

Because he was overwhelmed by his beating heart/ his renewed sense, the high from his power and he's also insecure. At that point in act 3 he expected Tav and Durge to stand by his side no matter what

Because they were the only person who didn't kill the parasite infested vampire spawn at the beach, who loves him anyway despite the face he was a man with nothing to his name, who were willing to sacrifice 7000 souls and killed the Gur for him!

Ascended Astarion didn't want THAT special person to be taken by early death or a fate worse than death

He needed the reassurance that his love would be safe and no gods nor fate will take them away

If they refused to be an immortal vampire then they were as good as sealed their fate to death. Astarion didn't want to face that heartbreak

The thing that I don't agree with the interview is that the interpretation that ascension sent him to a horrible place? It was kinda vague? Like worse place when? During or after the ascension? Because this cannot apply after the ascension since I have taken so many screenshot and recording of ascendant astarion and I didn't see him feeling miserable about his fate. He was happy that the hunger gone and he could see his reflection again

Post final battle? The epilogue? After the epilogue party? This cannot be applied to all people, all route, all Tav/Durge and Astarion in general because there's variations. I mean you might see ascended Astarion as a bit lonely because he doesn't end up with anyone but in my Tav's universe he has a consort who stay by his side and their relationship is still going strong because my Tav is aligned with him

#astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 analysis #bg3 meta #bg3 discourse #ascendant astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion x dark urge #astarion x tav #ascended astarion

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salemcantupdate · 1 year ago

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Baldurs Gate shipping and who I am actively in love with

SO, currently romancing Gale because Astarion rejected me, full one said “I don’t wanna have sex with you, UGH, EW, imagine.” But Gale is so cute??? I don’t get whenever I see hate for him, especially cause we had astral projection sex which was absolutely fantastic. Wyll kissed me but I said “haha nah Gale” and I think I accidentally romanced Karlach??? I don’t know. Oh I also hugged the Guardian love him.

Now for shipping

SHADOWHEART AND LAE’ZEL IS SO FUCKING REAL TO ME OH MY GOD THEY GOTTA GET DOWN RIGHT NOW

They ARE rivals to lovers

Wyll and Karlach… they’re best friends. I’m sorry but all the women look like absolutely lesbians to me and I love that for them

But Wyll is so sweet and so cute and I do adore him, he’s so fun, but I built him so badly haha. Anyways, he is a WHORE, he flirts with EVERYONE, SLUT BOY, and he needs a happy ending. Don’t know with who though. And Karlach needs a short woman to peg.

Astarion is 100% asexual and I love him cause he’s just like me frfr which means he needs to be with me and only me. But also genuinely I think Astarion can only be happy with a redeemed Durge??? Like I think that’s the best path for him. Two monsters learning to be good together… GAH ITS SO CUTE. Either way, he’d need to be with someone who isn’t overly horny

Also once again I absolutely adore Gale. Gale is so good and so loving and he also absolutely loves body worship like he is hozier he was on his knees and worshipping his Goddess Mystra, loving her and now HE CHOOSES YOU IN HIS ROMANCE. HE BDKDCJKWHCISJDKWJD. I love him, so who should he be with? He’s more on the basic side overall, easy to get approval from, but also extremely romantic and loving, and autistic just like me frfr. So… actually maybe Wyll??? Wyll has some self worth issues especially after going all devil and Wyll is also a romantic? But ehhh… I dunno, it just doesn’t feel right.

Anyways, Halsin. I love the daddy bear man like YES he is absolutely fantastic and I love him so so so so much I want him carnally. But also I can’t really see him with most people haha. Maybe Gale though, imagine the astral projection scene but then Halsin is a bear, that’d be hilarious. But nah, I honestly like Halsin/Astarion/Reformed Durge Throuple. Essentially, finishing Astarion’s personal quest before initiation with Halsin will ensure that Astarion doesn’t get any self doubt. They are all on different parts of their journey for improvement, both Halsin and Astarion have severe issues with self doubt along with sexual trauma, and all of them have a “beast” inside. Durge with the Urge, Astarion being a vampire, and Halsin with his difficult-to-control wild shape. Plus Halsin to me is one of the most respectful and consent-focused characters, which I think would work well with what Astarion needs.

Ok so I wanna ship Karlach with some cute bard girl or something, someone just as fun and nice as she is. And you know what? Wyll and Gale is starting to grow on me. They’re both characters who try to “woo” Tav before doing anything, Gale with the Weave and Wyll with his dance.

Imagine, Gale teaching Wyll the secrets of the weave, likely Wyll has never interacted with it properly as his magic comes from a devil. This could help unlock Wyll and on some level separate him from Mizora. Oh wow, both these men have been manipulated and abused by extremely powerful non-humanoid women. They’re both self sacrificing gits who want to be the hero, both sacrificed much for power. I think it would start when Mizora first appears in camp, maybe. Gale would go to comfort Wyll over the transformation, maybe even compliment his horns. During the night of celebration Gale would see Wyll by the beach and offer to show him something magical, aka the Weave scene. They make some jokes and Wyll mentions the dancing, Gale prods, and Wyll says maybe another time.

GAH

I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING GENIUS

Alright, so, summary

Lae’zel and Shadowheart

Karlach and cute girl (if Alfira survived Durge I’d choose her but oh well)

Durge, Astarion, and Halsin

Gale and Wyll

EDIT: This post is no longer accurate to my views or feelings on the matter! I will write another one eventually since I actually know the characters a lot better. This was legit written before I even got to act 2 and I barely did anything in act 1

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spacemonkeysalsa · 11 months ago

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On the subject of whether or not vampires love...

This is a topic that's been debated about amongst D&D nerds for ages, and like everything in D&D the consensus doesn't matter because we made it all up, but the consensus is: Spawns - yes

True vampires - no

And at no point in BG3 is Astarion a true vampire. They actually specifically made it so he wouldn't be, and I think it's interesting that at the beginning of the game you can learn about how he could become a true vampire, and then even when he gets the chance to follow through and do it, he doesn't. The choice is never a) Spawn or b) True Vampire or c) Vampire Ascendant. It's just spawn or ascendant and I don't think that's a mistake. I think, in a way, it's for the sake of the theoretical romance that might just be happening between Tav/Durge and Astarion.

If he became a true vampire, then canonically he could not love you (as much as anything in D&D is fixed, see above flippant remark about us making it all up and also decades of changing the rules whenever they don't suit us anymore because why not) but since Larian didn't even make that possible, we're left to just argue about how much of a true vampire a vampire ascendant really is. A vampire ascendant doesn't really sound like a true vampire from it's description as a "new monster" with "the arousals and appetites of man" so there's room to argue.

And everyone sure does like arguing. I don't really see the point, because after he ascends I don't think it matters at all if he loves you anymore. He's become possessive, controlling, and ultimately abusive and he's going through the very typical arc of a successful guy who got everything he wanted and is now confused and angry about why it hasn't fixed everything. He's taking it out on you, dump his ass.

I've known too many people like this to really care all that much about the lore of D&D and how it doesn't perfectly map onto real life. Becoming an abuser is not a Pokemon evolution. And what I'm seeing in Astarion is not someone who has been magically altered, or even necessarily lost his soul outright (though imo that soul is a tasty snack marinated inside of a new monster for Meph to eat later, at best) I'm just seeing what it looks like when someone who is deeply hurt and troubled desperately wants something that is bad for them, and they get it and it expunges some insecurities and fear, while enabling the development of new (much much worse) ones. It sucks, and it's predictable.

So, at that point, who cares if his love is genuine or not. "But he loves you," is an excuse that mom-in-law likes to use to keep you from leaving her son, but it's actually not a persuasive argument, because love doesn't mean a whole lot when it can't prevent him from being an asshole. I've seen some version of all this hashed out all over the place on the internet, because this is an incredibly popular thing to argue about.

And, to be clear, I'm not even arguing that Ascended Astarion loves Tav/Durge. My conclusion is that it's possible he still loves them, and that it means fuck all. But, one thing I haven't really seen discussed, but that has been on my mind a lot since the most recent round of this very dumb argument started up again - does this have any implications on Astarion's refusal to make Tav/Durge a true vampire? I'm not at all in disagreement with the typical read: that Astarion is following Vellioth's rules about not letting anyone be an equal. But, he does make sure to extend certain protections to Tav/Durge as a spawn that he was never afforded. It's a small consolation when they're still technically are under his compulsion, but it's a bit rebellious, 1 point for mild rebellion against Vellioth's stupid rules. And I don't think it's out of line to suggest that he has his own motivations outside of keeping with tradition.

He wants Tav/Durge to love him, and he knows that if he makes them a true vampire, they won't. Similarly, I remember initially being a bit surprised that there was no option for Astarion to drink Cazador's blood and become a true vampire, and I even remember seeing a lot of jokes about how silly spawn Astarion must've felt the next day when he realized he missed his chance.

But, knowing that becoming a true vampire would apparently rewire his brain so he doesn't experience love anymore might just be motivation enough not to do it, if he's found someone he loves.

Or even if he's only got hope that he might have love in the future.

#baldur's gate 3 astarion #astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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bg3fandomcritical-active · 5 months ago

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I agree with those anons who pointed out that neither Wyll nor Shadowheart has any trademark that would allow their romances to be recognized as the only romance routes with sweet elements. "How dare you take one aspect of Wyll's character and project it on Astarion!!!" And the aspect in question is simply being nice and sweet to his partner. It's ridiculous. I know that some astarion haters or aa fans or wyll wives desperately want him to be his mask from Act 1 and nothing more or think that every single relationship with him has to be portrayed as bad and abusive because he's so so evil while your blorblos are so so better, but some of us that actually romanced him and invested some time in getting to know him and be with him consider his romance scenes to be sweet as well. And no, we don't have to take wyll's content or his scenes to think so. I find the hug from Act 2 to be absolutely sweet. I find the hand holding and him saying "this is nice" sweet. I find his confession about how much he didn't want to fall for my tav only to miserably fail to be sweet, I find him being afraid of everything and everyone according to Scleritas yet still finding it in himself to trust my Durge to be sweet, I find him being the only companion who cares after meeting Harleep to be sweet, I find his Act 3 scenes to be sweet, I find him showing Tav his grave to be sweet, I find him not knowing how to be in a relationship and saying he doesn't know what we are yet still trying to be with my character to be sweet, I find him pretending he doesn't care to be sweet, I find him saying "I'm all pointy ears my dear" to be sweet, I find him saying "my precious bhaal-babe" to be sweet, I find him getting visibly sad when my durge tries to break up with him for his own safety to be sweet, I find him being totally understanding towards my durge and saying "we ask before we bite" to be sweet, I find him saying he wants to spend his life with my character to be sweet. And I find the way he says "it's cute" when you put a flower on his grave to be sweet as well.

That's what I think and that's how I feel. But I guess I must be "stealing" from Wyll simply for having those feelings and finding Astarion's romance scenes to be sweet and nice, after all only Wyll can be nice to his own partner… Btw it's again only Astarion's fans that are being shamed for enjoying his romance. I've never seen people insulting Shadowheart, Karlach, Gale or even Lae'zel for saying they considered some scenes to be sweet and nice. Or for imagining dancing with their partner at some point in their life.

And now I'm going to commit the greatest sin of them all. You know how when you put a flower on his grave he is surprised but visibly pleased and how he says that "it's cute"? I think that since he clearly enjoyed it he may actually at some point reciprocate and give flowers to his partner too to make them happy. Yes, I really said it. I think that he may at some point in his life give his partner flowers. Now, send the death threats, the same way you harassed, bullied, insulted and sent death threats to this poor person on twt for simply imagining Astarion giving their tav flowers or being nice to his own kid which of course means they were "stealing from Wyll"… It's clearly a crime punishable by death in this fandom. BTW flowers are Shadowheart's thing, so if wyll's wives imagine their tav receiving flowers from him they're stealing from her.

And you know what else? I even think that at some point in his long life, Astarion may dance with his romantic partner too

#bg3 critical #tw astarion

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loquaciousquark · 1 year ago

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I finished my Durge run! Got that Tactician achievement too, hoorah. Lots of thoughts about the Dark Urge/Astarion romance under the cut.

My final thoughts now that I've finished it - it's fine. Honestly? It's fine. I think there are some interesting parallels drawn specifically for his backstory with Cazador compared to the Dark Urge trying to resist the urges, but I didn't come out of the romance feeling like it was the end-all be-all One True Romance version for the character. I think there are some interesting dialogue lines ("is today a 'wed you with a delicate veil of blood staining your white curls' kind of day?" made me laugh every time), and it's definitely fun to see some major hurt/comfort vibes play out on screen in the attack-the-romance scene, for sure. That said, I didn't feel like there wasn't anything in that romance I couldn't get for myself with a dominate spell and 4k words of fic with a Tav I like much more.

And like, there's nothing at all wrong with the Dark Urge background! I think it's really interesting to have that internal struggle kind of flavoring the run, and of course it makes sense to have strong Bhaalspawn ties in this particular canon. I think the stuff that's added with Isobel and Scleritas and Orin is very interesting and it definitely added depth to to the Sarevok interactions, and even the conversations with Withers had a lot more nuance! I can definitely see why some people call it Tav+, because it is a customizable character with a lot of extra dialogue options that a regular Tav doesn't get.

That said, the particular type of character that Dark Urge is is one that's not as compelling to me, and setting that up against Astarion's arc felt correspondingly less compelling than the Tav arc I made on my first rogue run. I've played amnesiac characters with a twist before (KOTOR) and in that game I found myself similarly uninvested in the character to the point that I went full Dark Side with her very early in the narrative. To date, she's the only evil main character I've ever intentionally played! There's just something about that blank slate background that doesn't appeal - I find that my characters are generally very strongly shaped by their histories and backstories, even if the details of those backstories develop over the course of the game. They make choices because of who they are and what they've experienced and who they've lost and loved, and I find it hard to create a character with a consistent internal moral needle when there's no backstory to guide it.

And I guess that's part of why the Resist path for the Durge just makes me internally go ???? Because realistically, if I've spent my entire formative life being excitedly murderous, ritually necrophiliac, gleefully cannibalistic, and generally not very nice, why does the amnesia change that? Why would that character want to become something else? How do I internally justify a character making that sort of MASSIVE ethical and moral shift just because of a brainworm and a knock on the noggin? I get that it's fun as a player to try to play a good character with these unexplained evil urges, and I totally get why it's narratively satisfying to see good arise from the ashes of corruption, but I just can't find a way to make the character want to be good in the first place! I had this problem with Revan and I've had it again with the Durge, and that foundational schism was just something I could never really overcome enough to buy into the immersive fiction of the character.

Plus, as far as the Astarion romance goes, I think the Durge arc generally pushes into that similar need to resist the uncontrollable commands given to you by an outsider. It's very much the same space. The thing is, Astarion tells you he knows how important it is to resist those compulsions in the night attack scene, but--we KNOW he couldn't! We know he tried for two hundred years and never once could defy Cazador, and it broke him so badly he gave up resisting at all. And there's some interesting parallels there maybe, that he wants so badly for you to succeed that he's willing to ignore two hundred years of his own personal history, but it puts a pretty despairing tinge to the whole first half of the romance arc. And honestly, that makes me very sad for him.

I think it's just again a less riveting pairing. The Durge/Astarion romance is about both of them overcoming external compulsion through inner will and good choices and white-knuckled defiance, except the timescales of those compulsions are vastly different. And maybe there's a little bit of needing to depend on each other's support to do that, but it's not really so for Durge; you can do the entire Bhaalspawn questline without having Astarion in your party once and you only lose out on a few lines of dialogue. He definitely cares about you, sure, and he can talk to you about how worried he is for you, and that's nice--but there aren't a lot of times where his emotional support is directly critical for you to overcome your urges. On the other hand, I think it's arguable that your friendship (and relationship) with Astarion are directly responsible for his success against Cazador with that last persuasion/insight check combo. If you could have his emotional support be more directly impactful in terms of your ability to resist the urges or Bhaal in Orin's temple, I think I'd be more on board.

In addition, I find two characters going through the exact same narrative arc at the same time not as interesting. Like, if Astarion already had beaten Cazador before the Durge stuff happened and he could directly talk about what was successful for him and help you along the way, I think that might honestly have interested me a bit more. The mirrored arcs we have instead are a little less fascinating than complementary ones. And honestly, there's something about Durge trying to relate to Astarion's centuries of struggle with their own, like, two days of fighting that compulsion, that feels just a little pfeh to me.

And maybe that's why I liked my original Tav so much? As I developed the romance with Astarion, I could shape elements from her backstory (and the way she changed and grew from those events) to make a character that I felt resonated complementarily with Astarion's arc and emotional needs. I could create a character whose defining trait was hope and had always been hope her whole life, because I feel like that's a useful trait to have against an LI who explicitly lost all hope in any rescue. A character who has stubbornly clung to hope throughout a miserable broken life and a miserable broken family paired against a character with a similar background who's lost that hope and has to relearn it--I like that! I like that the characters can teach each other things and can learn from each other. I like that they can make each other better by sharing aspects of themselves that the other person doesn't have.

Having a hopeful Durge doesn't feel the same, because first, that hope is incredibly recent and only comes out over the course of the game because right before the game started, they were still full murderbaby. It's not as longstandingly stubborn despite setback after setback over many many years the way I can have Tav be. And second, again, I can't figure out why an otherwise perfectly content murderous bastard would ever want to hope for anything else after taking a fall off a skyship. I guess that's my biggest problem, that I can't get into the fiction of the character at its baseline well enough to build anything of substance on top of it.

So now, having gone through both the Tav/Astarion romance and the Dark Urge/Astarion romance, I can definitively say I prefer the Tav version. I think the extra stuff you get in the Durge run is fun, and I think the Durge material itself is great and wonderfully tied to the lore outside of the romance, but in terms of the Astarion romance itself, it's just not as captivating. Too similar in the wrong ways and too disjointed in the ways that matter most, and I'd rather have a Tav I can build to fit what I want, someone I can shape to draw out the elements of his character I'm most interested in exploring.

I will say that at one point my Durge sorcerer did roll a 44 on a persuasion check at one point, which was extremely exciting. But I think I'll be going back to my "canon" rogue Tav on my next game to figure out that exact story now that I know her much better, and that'll almost certainly be the one I stick with for future fics.

#dark urge #meta #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #durge #astarion #i have no idea what to tag this #tavaea #quark plays bg3

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kalmiaphlox · 9 months ago

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BG3 Tag Game 🦑

I love tag games, thank you to @ladyduellist for tagging me, they are so fun!

Favorite romance: Astarion, obviously. I love the subversion of hypersexual character who would like to maybe not be so hypersexual against his will anymore. Next favorite though is Lae'zel. She's so babygirl

Favorite class to play: Paladin. I love smiting things. I love the sound smiting makes. I love the way enemies get burnt up when I smite them. Get smited!

Favorite NPC: My homie Barcus Wroot, he deserves better than he gets from just about everyone in the game. I also love Dame Aylin and Orin alot, what can I say? I like my crazy women devout.

Favorite song off the soundtrack: Cunning Cruel Crits and A Threat from Nether Years

Tell us a little about your Tav: I don't really play a lot of Tav's, so I'll talk about my current durge in my 4-person HM run, a deep gnome named Tolland Hansome. His father is named Bigen and his mother is named Smolen. He's a barbarian currently and he likes to throw EVERYTHING

Something you wish was in the game: Hmmmmmmmm, I'm not a super picky person when it comes to gameplay, but I do wish the base game had a free cam. They put a lot of work into all the sceneries that never get seen because we are locked into a certain view.

Do you create fanworks? Share something with us: Yes! My main fic "I'm Better Now" is the first fanfiction I've ever written. It's pure wet cat, sad Dadstarion and he just trying to learn to love again. It's sad, it's angsty, I like to think it's also very cute sometimes, and we love a crusty old lizard that treats her vampire boyfriend like an angry chihuahua. 🦎

Tagging: @busy-baker, @papastarion, @tadpoleatemybrain, @spagyricqueen, @dabbles-in-drabbles

#tag games

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thievescanted · 1 year ago

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cal-as-companion..... part the second

Story Specific

MY DOG ALMOST DELETED THIS........ anyway

How does your Tav advise the player character when it comes to the Dream Visitor?

"I don't trust them, but I trust that their interests are aligned with ours - only for the moment. And I'm trusting you to know when to cut and run - although we can't really run from them, can we...? Bit unsettling. But as long as they can work to our benefit, let's let them. Even if I really, really don't like it."

How do they advise the player character on Raphael?

"Oh, I don't trust that one any farther than I can throw him. Trust me, I know the type, and getting into bed with his like never ends well. ... Let's see where he's going with this, though."

How do they react to Astarion biting the Player Character?

THATS HER BEST FRIEND! i think when theyre both companions they feel theyre like, rivals for tavs protection at the start lmao but if one of them is in charge then that kind of neutralizes that. she would definitely come clean about her situation from the start because she knows he also has a Situation - she offers to keep his vampirism secret in exchange for his secrecy about her death (she doesnt really like people knowing, partially because she feels her employer makes her a liability, and partly because she hates the thought of anyone pitying her)

she also would let him drink her blood, mostly because she's curious about whether her blood would even be consumable (it is, it's quite normal actally, which is more confusing to her really) but also because like. to her it would feel kind of fucked up for her not to help him if shes perfectly capable of helping

i misunderstood this question im realizing now. im not deleting all that though. if he tries to bite her she will be surprised to see him, and push him off pretty harshly; however she'll tell him "you could have just asked, and i would have," and she will let him drink from her

How do they react to the Player Character letting Abdirak whip them?

before: Definitely not going to help with our particular situation, but I suppose it can't hurt. Or - actually, it literally can. Still, I say give it a try! during: (after the first hit) Shit, I wasn't looking. Can you do it again? after: Well. I think you have to get married now.

How do they react to the Player Character taking their first tadpole power?

she's fine with the player doing it! she figures any way they can make themself stronger is a better chance that they all stay alive. HOWEVER she would not want to do it herself - "I barely feel like I'm my own with this thing in my head. I'm certainly not going to feed the damn thing."

Will they stay with the Player Character regardless of siding with the goblins or the tieflings, or is it possible for them to leave the party permanently?

cal approves of helping the tieflings, and disapproves immensely of helping the cult. it won't cause her to leave, but it will set her approval almost as low as it can get without her leaving. if you side with the cult/the goblins she'll say that she trusts that you have your reasons, but she doesn't really want to know them

What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party?

at the tiefling party: cal will confide that she stole a decent amount of whiskey from the goblin camp and invite you to have some with her. she thanks you for doing all you did to help the tieflings - she hadn't let herself believe she was someone who could do this kind of good. then she'll immediately start gossiping about rolan. she will invite a ftav/durge/origin character to join her for the night if they like (she will then skirt around defining your relationship for. a While. its a bit of an isabela situation) (this would be the players first time seeing her wound (you can see it later in-game if shes not romanced but since shes taking her shirt off to sleep with the character, Well). she feels Complicated about that). if not romanced at the party cal will hook up with shadowheart or lae'zel

at the goblin party: the player can find her pulling grass out of the ground by her tent and piling it up on a blanket. she'll say, "Do you mind? I'm kind of in the middle of something." she will make it very clear to you that to her you are a "convenient and capable meat-shield" and suggest that you keep it to just business. you can ask to join her for the night and she will say: "What, really? You don't want to look a little farther afield? Can't imagine you'd want to fuck someone who hates you. Unless - what, are you into that kind of thing?"

>On second thought, never mind. Cal: Grand. There's my evening free. Off you go, then, I've very important business to conduct here. > And if I am? Cal: Well, I suppose I can't say I haven't wondered. Let's get that out of our systems, then.

pursuing that will close off her romance entirely though lol.

Do they have comments on who the Player Character chooses to spend the night with?

if lae'zel: Soo... you and Lae'zel seem quite friendly tonight. Friendly as I've ever seen her, anyway. Just, uh, don't get too bruised up - busy day ahead of us tomorrow and all. if gale: So is Gale going to show you some magic tricks? Going to learn some useful applications of ray of frost? Are you two going to fuck, is what I'm asking. In case that wasn't clear. if shadowheart: You and Shadowheart seemed pretty cozy together just now. Leave some room for Shar, will you? I'm afraid her lady may smite you both. if astarion: Didn't think that one had the capacity to be interested in anyone that wasn't him - wonders never cease, eh? I'd make sure he's had something to eat before you get up to anything, though. Manslaughter does dampen the mood of a party. if wyll: Saw you talking to Wyll earlier. You left him looking rather more cheerful than he's been all night - good on you. I don't suppose you could lure him a little closer to the party? We're short a dance partner. (cares about him, is annoyed about it) if karlach: Karlach seems positively taken with you, you know. It really is a shame you can't really get to know each other. Still, you two have fun... talking all night, or whatever it is you can do. Sounds terribly romantic. Eugh.

Do they have unique dialogue if the Player Character lets them die when they steal the Blood of Lathander?

Cal: Hey, so, uh. Not to put too fine a point on it or anything, but remember when I told you about how I died? And how that was kind of a traumatizing thing for me? And then you killed me? No no, it's fine, I'm not mad. (note: shes mad but holding it together) I'm just disappointed. Next time - and I know there will be some kind of next time - maybe just... warn me? A little heads up?

How do they react if the PC licks the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar?

Cal: So... does it taste bad... or good...? I'm getting some mixed messages.

What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?

Cal: I want you to know I've always hated you. And if he tries to do any close-up magic near me I'm killing him.

Is it possible for your Tav to be kidnapped and replaced by Orin? How is Orin's deception revealed? How do they react to the PC rescuing them in the Temple of Bhaal?

YEAH she can be. ive been toying with the idea that cal had been killed by bhaalists, so i think orin would like the idea of having her back

the pc will wake to find cal watching them. when they wake, cal will tell them that she's been thinking about what gortash said, about orin having infiltrated the camp. that she thinks she knows a way to prove that you're both yourselves - she'll show you a couple knives and suggest that making a shapechanger bleed might reveal its true form ("I'm only talking a gentle stabbing, nothing too bloody.") if you refuse she'll reveal herself as orin; if you go along with it she will in fact stab you pretty hard. orin will tell you that "Callie-girl is safe with me" and propose her whole deal to you, whereupon she'll add that "She's marked for us, so it might be difficult to let her go."

when you free cal, she tries to put on her usual unbothered facade but she will be pretty clearly shaken

Cal: Gods, it's you. It-it is you... right? Fuck. No, I'm alright, I just have about fifty more mental images about how I might die, courtesy of Orin. Let's get out of here? Please?

How do they react to the PC either allowing Astarion to ascend or convincing him to spare the 7000 spawn?

if astarion is ascended: Shit. He really did it. And we... let him. Helped him, even... I guess the choice is made and there's nothing for it. Still, I just hope he's still... you know, him. if astarion remains a spawn: I wasn't sure he would be able to turn down all that power. The guarantee that you'll be truly safe, that you won't have to die again... It's a lot to walk away from. ... Not that I've thought about it extensively or anything. Anyway I'm proud of him really, but don't tell him so.

How does Tav react to the PC becoming a mind flayer? Can they offer to become one themselves? Does their reaction change if they’re romanced?

cal will nottt take the astral tadpole ("I just don't think I have a face for tentacles") but she won't object to a PC that chooses to take it for themself. if romanced, she'll confess that she's a little uneasy about the prospect of you changing, but that she knows you'll stay you, and she trusts you

How do they react when the Dark Urge first reveals their amnesia and murderous thoughts to them?

Cal: Well that's, uh... Shit, you're telling the truth, aren't you? I mean, you did always kind of strike me as worryingly good at killing, so I guess that makes a weird sort of sense. Wait, you haven't thought about killing me, have you? (if playing a female character): I mean, it'd be fine if you have. Wouldn't hold it against you, like.

How do they react to the Dark Urge killing Alfira?

well she does not like it i can tell you that much! she will disapprove when you say you don't remember, but she'll take your word for it and compared to like, wyll or karlach shes less horrified Cal: Let's just... save the murderous intent for people we don't like, yeah?

If romanced, how do they react to the Dark Urge trying to kill them in Act 2?

well unfortunately. due to how she is as a person. i think she would be a little into it initially. when she wakes to durge holding a knife to her throat, her first instinct is to sit up and kiss them, at which point they can tell her shes in danger.

Cal: Shit, sorry. It's the, uh. Adrenaline. Wait, danger? Were you actually going to kill me?

she will tie durge and sit with them through the night, responding fondly to their threats ("Aww, promise?") and encouraging durge to come back to her ("I know you're in there, and I know you're more than this. When you fight your way back to the surface, I'll be here. That's love - you showed me that.")

#bg3moretti

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dmagedgoods · 1 year ago

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imagine if they do implement a Raphael romance and make an epilogue where he shows up and goes "oh yeah btw im taking you into the hells 💕💕💕 pack your things 😌😌😌". or like actually maybe the opposite, maybe he by himself doesn't mention the romance and overall acts as though this will end there (in my head its because hes like, oh well, Tav probably won't want this to go on,but obv in his true fashion he's probably being a theatre kid about it) until Tav goes "hey. no. wait. stay at the party. lets have fun!!! and then we leave. *together*." 😭🙏

also I'm curious but how do you think would they go about polyamory with him??? i can imagine him as both being possessive and lenient in that regard, so i really dunno.

...also i doubt the companions you romanced would approve of a DEVIL in your bed. but then again astarion and halsin(n some other i think?) go "hey thats cool enjoy yourself" when catching you with Mizora....

(sorry for talking sm my Raphael brainworms have thrown a party ever since i saw that the petition is like what 150 already?)

I have to admit that I, too, think Raphael would be a little ... tense about the emotional parts. - Definitely trivialize them and attempt to hide them while making it all about deals and power play. It needs a courageous (and/or teasing) Tav/Durge to get some more telling reactions out of him. I would love to see a hint (or more than a hint) of jealousy from him. Of course, none of those mortals is a match for him, he doesn't care if you have another little romance going on. He says. 😁 It would be very neat to have a possessive love scene with Raphael right after things start to become more serious with one of the other companions. He won't demand you to break up with them of course, but claim you as his. And then let you keep "your toy". (For now.) At least that's something I could imagine very well in this regard. Hehe, I think most of them will tell you it's a risky game, some even strongly and vehemently disapprove (Wyll, Karlach). Astarion, I assume, will at least pretend not to mind at all and tell you to have fun. But he rarely admits to his true thoughts in those matters after all. Halsin probably would be the only companion actually and genuinely relaxed (or mostly) about the whole Raphael situation. (Aaa, don't worry at all! I love to talk about him and my headcanons, I can never shut up about him. 😂💗 We're at 170 signatures! 😌)

#dmagedanswers #raphael #bg3 #bg3 spoilers

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random-introverted-blog · 1 year ago

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Yandere Shadowheart how? [Naturally there will be lots of spoilers]

Excellent question! I've been racking my head around this for a long, long time (sorry again to my ever patient partner) and I think I've figured it out IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO TRY FOR THEMSELVES.

Shadowheart doesn't naturally exude many possessive traits. She straight up will let Tav/Durge skip off with Halsin, happily at that and ask for details. And she's down for a roll with the Drow twins (especially if Halsin is included) as long as she's gotten to be with Tav/Durge exclusively first.

However she does get noticeably irritated when she catches Tav/Durge after they sneak away with Mizora.

"Kind of you to offer a free sample then. Now that he's/she's tried out inferior goods, he'll/she'll know just how good he/she has it already."

"I'm not jealous, you know. If I wanted to bed something loyal and pure, I'd find a swan."

This could easily be read into as her being hurt at Tav/Durge's lack of trust to ask/talk to her first, their willingness to get down-dirty with a devil/Mizora or both. But it does offer some wriggle room in how to perceive her characters perspective and securities about their relationship.

Shadowheart will then add that due to her background it was almost encouraged to keep things... open among them.

"The way I was raised, the way I was trained... well, it was positively encouraged, to get to know each other. Even from the memories I can recall, there's stories I could tell you..."

I can feel your eyebrows and skeptical looks, just let me cook a minute longer.

Shadowheart will conclude the conversation by highkey telling Tav/Durge to ask her next time they feel like sleeping around and assuring them, if asked, that she would not mind as long as they keep her needs in mind too.

You could take what she says at face value. She's absolutely chill with Tav/Durge getting their hands down as many pairs of pants as possible as long as it's properly communicated with her beforehand.

Or you could suspect that this is something she says she's okay with because that's what she was trained/raised to believe and accept. That it does bother her more than she lets on, maybe even to herself. And if that's how you read into it (canon or not) then you can definitely twist a Shar-Inclined/Dark Justiciar Shadowheart down the obsessive/possessive path. I personally can't see a way to twist a Selunite!Shadowheart but that's what this blog is for!

I know we all look at Ascended!Astarion and go "wow his resources to hunt and control Tav/Durge would be endless!" I've read the fanfics too, guys. But let's not forget DarkJusticiar!Shadowheart is Shar's chosen and right hand. After she kills her parents she even acknowledges in awe how she can call on and command Shar's forces whenever she needs/wants.

She now has command of an entire screwed up cult/church of people who are obsessed with lies, trickery, and deceit. I think that's a tad spoopier than being hunted by some vampire spawn. Never know when the innkeeper or friend you met on the road is with your obsessed ex-girlfriend.

"BUT WAIT WHYNOYANDERESHADOWHEART" I hear you shout angrily, your voice full of !!!ENDGAME ROMANCE SCENE SPOILERS!!!

"DARK JUSTICIAR SHADOWHEART STRAIGHT UP DITCHES YOU WHEN THE ABSOLUTE IS DEFEATED TO GO AND REBUILD THE CHURCH"

DO YOU KNOW WHY I LOVE NIGHT ORCHIDS?

I'VE HEARD THAT SHIT TOO, IT TRAUMATIZED ME AND I ONLY SAW IT ON YOUTUBE.

The thing is, while in a different context. You can reject Astarions offer to turn you into a spawn. You can break up with him at anytime before the end of the game. You can kick him in the nuts when he asks you to kneel after you say no and he says "yes". And while he COMMENTS he should turn you into a spawn just to teach you a lesson of his power (depending on chosen dialogue with him post breakup) the game does not pull any shenanigans that implies he will come after Tav/Durge. It's just highly suspected in the fandom he will because that makes sense. But if you want to take it a step further; in the cut epilogue cards with Withers, it's said that while he does pine over Tav/Durge he will not seek them out because he believes it is beneath his station. If you choose to acknowledge cut content, the game will tell you he leaves Tav/Durge alone.

Count how many active Ascended!Astarion fics there are where he chases them to the ends of Faerun and get back to me.

If the logic can be applied to Ascended!Astarion then the same can go for DarkJusticiar!Shadowheart. She leaves, regrets it for one reason or another, changes her mind, justifies a return, Shar somehow is like "it'd be useful to control them and what better way than the old puppet strings of love?" or whatever. The beauty of a fanfic is that you can decide the details and circumstances for yourself.

That's the bit. Now go forth, Shadowheart simps yearning for dark/obsessive/possessive content too, go and multiply. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

P.s

The game will let you start a romance with Shadowheart in Act 1 but will not give you the option to break up with her. In my first playthrough I was with Shadowheart halfway into Act 2 until Astarion and I hugged and it took Shadowheart confronting my Durge to finally break things off. The game locks you into a yandere-esque romance with Shadowheart... Make of that what you will...

On that note, I believe Karlach is the same...

Look, just make everyone yandere I'm just saying anything is possible if you put your mind to--

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 tav #bg3 #bg3 astarion #baldur's gate #shadowheart #astarion #ascended astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate fanfiction #dark justiciar shadowheart #baldurs gate shadowheart #bg3 durge

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alteredsilicone · 1 year ago

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The Dark Urge : Act I

A long ramble about my Dark Urge playthrough, split up between acts since this game gets meaty.

This is my third playthrough so more or less I knew what I was getting into (had some durge story bits spoiled too).

When I set out to play durge I also wanted to do an "evil" playthrough, so I set some goals: embrace the "big" durge decisions, be evil when possible without going full murder-hobo. Ally with Gortash, dominate the Brain. Make SH a Dark Justiciar, ascend Astarion, romance Minthara, push Gale towards Godhood and help Lae'zel stay loyal to Vlaakith. The results were... varied.

Recruiting Minthara meant the tieflings had to die, so I indulged the durge by watching Arabella die. Surprisingly this way the game guilt trips you less about doing bad things. (The guilt tripping aspect I will bring up at the very end, after my Act III retrospective)

I quickly learned why durge x Astarion is a popular ship - he really jumps on you from the very beginning, a total 180 to how he treats Tav. Anyways, he wasn't my romance goal so I let him be. For a while.

Alfira is one of my favorites, but she had to go. Sorry. I know there is an alternative by making a different NPC appear but I wanted an authentic(tm) durge experience. Besides, Alfira would die in the grove massacre anyways, two birds with one stone and all.

Dream Guardian interlude - I made her look like my first version of Viri, so it's a Viriception.

Since I'm collecting all the "evil" choices, I also decided to indulge the tadpoles. Partly for achievements, partly to see how it works. Truth be told I didn't use the tadpole skills too much, so if I replay durge (I might do for certain different story outcomes), I will ignore the tadpoles altogether.

Sceleritas Fel was an excellent addition, obviously I humored and indulged him since I wanted to be papa's most specialest murderer.

As I was allying with the goblins I explored some stuff I didn't previously - got shackled up by Gut. Escaping her was quite easy, just had to avoid her afterwards. Then I rushed to Minthara.

I love Minthara's character a lot - she stayed in my party throughout the whole game. Needless to say, but I killed Karlach for Wyll (and stupidly didn't get his armor because I forgot to put him in my party, oh well), Wyll left me when I attacked the Grove (I assume he died offscreen or I killed him without noticing) and I never even met Halsin so he also just died offscreen.

I could also rant about the whole "evil playthrough cuts you from 20% of the content" aspect, but that is a tired rant. I don't mind the grove massacre being the price you pay for Minthara joining your party (she IS an evil character, she straight up agrees with all evil actions together with Astarion and is totally on board with dominating the Absolute and becoming rulers yourself), I just wish there was some alternative with playing on the more evil side.

Maybe befriend goblins? More drow? Anything, really? Then again, BG3 is already a massive game... Oh well, you can't have everything.

Anyways, now that I have done the first big quest, I went to the Underdark to try out one specific thing:

What happens if you sacrifice Gale to the fish people before Elminster stabilizes the orb?

He aggros, you kill him and then after two in-game days this happens:

Needless to say, I reloaded a save and just humored the fish people without killing Gale. Besides, for a corruption arc he needs to live. This is also why I only indulged the "big" durge reactions...

My personal philosophy is that being a murder-hobo is a boring way to be evil (death is not the worst thing that can happen y'know), I much rather would corrupt characters.

However, another part of me got curious about one thing: if you bite off Gale's hand when you find him in the portal, can you present it at the murder tribunal in Act 3?

Anyways.

Remember I said Astarion really gets the hots for durge? So, Minthara leaves for Moonrise so she isn't in my party at the moment this happens... durge decided to have some "fun".

This sequence was very corny, but I know it's all part of Astarion's play-pretend so I just let it play out. Spoiler alert - I will friendzone him later (for his own good).

I decided to feed durge the Noblestalk to get some memories/lore. I hoped for more but probably getting everything back in Act I would be anti-climatic, so this was a nice tidbit all the same. Also the environment bugged out, I should be in a dark dank cave, not outside.

Gale also decided he likes me. I promptly friendzoned him. Trust me, Galey, you do not want a romantic adventure with this tiefling (also he is soulbound to Nila, my other Tav, can't have him cheating on his wife...).

Anyways, Gale is a funny case because Larian keeps mucking up his romance flags, I couldn't replay his romance scene with my actual Galemancer Tav, but the romance does trigger later in Act I when you farm some approval (so either in the Underdark or Creche, depending which path you go on). But it also bugs out (I had to long rest twice with my Tav as the first time it triggered tiefling party dialogue before promptly cutting out, probably a bug because it was an old save where the romance SHOULD have triggered during the party).

Anyways, moving on. I am jumping over some zones/quests because nothing particularly interesting happened (I helped the Myconids but I do that always so that's that, though I let Glut die while fighting the Duergar, not on purpose he just got felted, sorry big guy).

Siding with this guy has exactly zero payoff (Act II spoiler - Balthazar turns him into a zombie and that's that), which is another evil run gripe. He is like Minthara where you can convince him to go against the Absolute, but instead it just goes nowhere apparently.

I just sided with him and suffered through killing a bunch of gnomes and Duergar. Well, at least I got some new scenes.

Astarion flirting interlude:

I put this here because the durge evil face is just so funny. These two would make a disaster pair, but, alas, we in this house are women-loving-women.

So, remember me setting out to push Lae'zel towards loyalty to Vlaakith?

I went as far as to stab the Dream Guardian...

Obviously I should have known better, because the Guardian has plot-armor for obvious reasons. This game kinda sorta railroads you to go against Vlaakith/side with the Guardian. Otherwise the game would just end for obvious reasons... So I decided that I might just shelve Lae'zel along the way.

Maybe I should have made some other decisions in later acts (like killing Voss), but I had my companion-squad already with me, so I decided to let it go.

And that concludes a "brief" overview of durge Act I:

#bg3 tag

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