#i can make myself cry really easily at dumb things too like if i just look at a picture of a cute baby animal for too long

[lovelywritinglady]

hi can i recwest a uzui x reader where uzui have a argment and gat a divors and yn is pregnet years later when the child and he rillast that it is his child and has a tak whif yn and trase to fics everifing

if you canpleas do thak you and have a grat day

I’d love to!💜

Mistakes

Tengen Uzui x fem!Reader

You and Tengen got into a heated argument after a demon hunt gone wrong. He says some extremely hurtful words. You decide to leave him because you know you don’t deserve that. What you didn’t know was that you were pregnant with his child. Angst, slight fluff, Tengen being a dick, mentions of pregnancy, cursing, and other mature themes.

Your pov

"You nearly got us killed, what are you and idiot?" My husband Tengen yelled at me.

"It was an accident, I'm sorry!" I yelled back

"You cannot afford accidents like this Y/N!" He roared stepping closer to me causing me to flinch slightly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered

"Sorry won't even begin to cover the fucking stupitity of your actions! You have no right being a demon slayer with how dumb you are. I can't believe I married someone like you!" he yelled looking me dead in the eye with fury.

"Fuck you!" I snapped as my anger began rising as tears filled my eyes.

"Real mature Y/N, get the hell out of my house until you can learn some respect and basic combat moves." he said as he began walking away as I began to sob.

"Where the hell am I going to stay! Tengen, I'm your wife!' I cried walking towards him.

"Hell if I care, just get your things and don't come back until you aren't so incopitent." he snapped walking away into another room.

I stood there unable to think, feel, or understand the situation. My body moved on its own and next thing I knew I was out of mt home with a bag packed walking only god knows where. It was getting dark, but I didn't care all I knew is that I was no longer wanted, needed, or loved by the man that swore he would protect me and love me no matter what. So much for promises. I kept walking until the sun began to rise, my thoughts much clearer now and my tears no longer flowing down my face. I decided to go live with my older sister, Misa, who lives on the other side of the country. Her and I have always been close, and I just hoped I would never see that asshole again.

One Month Later

I feel unbelievebly sick, as every morning and evening I spill my guts out. I have an uncontroable hunger and yet anytime I try to eat something I feel once again that I want to throw up. I feel miserable not just physically, but mentally too. Despite his words, I still love my husband. He use to be my everything, but I suppose I was never his. He claimed that he couldn't believe that he married me and just thinking about those poisonus words make my body ache once more. Tears I try not to spill came fourth with so much eagerness that I had no time to stop them. I hated myself for crying over him, but I suppose I was really crying for the man he use to be. I knew in my heart that I would always love him, but now I can never be with someone who so easily made me feel like my very existence meant nothing. I heard a faint knocking that pulled me out of my thoughts as the sweet voice of my sister filled the room.

"How are you feeling this morning, Y/N?" Misa asked as she sat next to me putting her hand on my forhead.

"Not great." I sighed smiling at her wiping away my tears.

"Y/N, I really think we should get you a doctor. This has been going on too long." She suggested taking her hand off my head.

"I think your right Misa." I sighed

"I didn't want to say anything to you, but I really think you're pregnant." she said in a whisper

"What!" I whisper yelled

"You're showing signs and don't worry if you are. I will always take care of you." Misa reassured

"Lets hope I'm not then." I said nervously.

Two days later the doctor came, she was a sweet older lady that had a warm smile and a small figure. She came into my room and inspected me in all they ways she could. My nerves at this point were all consuming as I really did not want to be pregnant, especially since I knew who the father was.

"My dear you have no fever and no true illness. What you are expierencing, is early signs of pregnancy." she said with a smile

"I see, I guess my sister was right then." I stated sadly

"Are you not happy, I'm sure your husband will be." she stated with a concerned look on her face.

"My husband no longer wants me." I answered doing my best not to cry once more.

"Oh, I am so sorry, my dear." She said grabbing my hand.

"Thank you, I just have no idea what to do now." I said honestly

"That's just something you're going to have to figure out for yourself. At the end of the day you need to do what's best for your child." She spoke seriously

"Yes, I suppose you're right." I sighed

"Of course I'm right dear, I am a doctor." she joked

"Hey, is everything alright in here?" my sister asked as she knocked on the door.

"It will be." I whispered touching my belly.

Three Years And Six Months Later

My son, Kei, is now nearly three years old. He's a rowdy child that seems to always be obsessed with what is going on outside. Whether is rainy, snowy, or sunny, he's always begging to go outside. I can't complain though as I love nature and seeing his little cheeks puffed up when he askes is always so cute. Kei looks a little bit like his father as he got most of his features from me. His eyes are the same color as my ex husband and his personality matches. His hair is a lighter shade of h/c, which gave me relief. I still haven't told Tengen about our son, nor do I want to. Part of me feels selfish, but part of me doesn't want to subject him to a man like Tengen. Although, when they do meet, I hope he is kind to his son. Kei is too sweet and kind to have to be around a father that verbally abuses him. I just couldn't live with myself if I let my baby be hurt by him.

In these three years, I haven't had a full time job. Mostly they have been part time jobs and my sister has been providing for me and my son. She claimes that since she doesn't have a family that this is no trouble, but Kei is old enough where I can start working full time. It took a long time to find job, but one day my sister came into the house screaming that she found a job that was perfect for me.

"Y/N, this is a landscaping job." she nearly yelled in my ear

"Huh, that's a little different than the jobs that I'm looking for, but hey if they are hiring then I'll take it." I said confifently

"Mama what's going on?" Kei asked as he walked into the room with a sleepy expression.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to wake you up." I cooed opening my arms for my son. He then picked up the pace and ran into my arms crushing me with all of his nearly three year old strength.

"Its okay." he sighed playing with his fingers with a small tired pout

"Your mama just found a job, Kei." my sister said with a smile at her nephew

"Okay." he said disinterested. I smiled at this, he's so small and perfect and despite the fact that my pregnancy was not the easiest, it was worth it.

Two weeks later I found myself walking towards my new job. It was a sunny day and part of myself wished Kei was here to enjoy it with me. I can almost hear his voice calling my name begging me to play with him. I was lucky to have been blessed with him. My thoughts of my perfect child came to a halt as the gates of the house I would be working at came into view. Taking a deep breath I began walking to what I thought was the front door. This property was absolutely beautiful. Everything seemed like it was perfect, not even a pebble out of place. It was a calming place that seemed to inspire peace. For some reason this place looked oddly familiar and it only now hit me that this was the place where the master lived. Tengen had taken me here years ago when he became hashira while I was just starting to become a demon slayer. Before I left, I was one rank away from being hashira. I thought about training again, but now that I have my son I felt it was irresponsible. Plus I could never leave him.

"You must be Y/N." The master suddenly said and it made me wonder how long he was there for.

"Yes sir, its very nice to meet you. Thank you for having me." I said bowing to show respect to him.

"Of course. I am aware of your situation and am happy to give you work here." He said with a smile." Come with me and I'll show you the grounds.

Two weeks later

Working at this mansion feels peaceful and the work is harder than I expected, but the pay is well worth it. Today I raked, cut grass, and tended to the luscious gardens. The sun beamed down on me giving me a slight headache. Thankfully the day was almost over for me so that I could go home to my son and my sister. Kei has been begging me to take him here ever since my sister told him that the hashira train here. I have been reluctant of it since seeing Tengen might be a possiblilty and seeing a child in my arms was a conversation that I simply did not want to have yet, even though I knew one day it would happen. I heard light footsteps approach me. turning my head I saw one of the other workers and smiled at him. He was a kind man that was around my age and he and I had talked a few times.

"Hey there, how's the work today?" He questioned with a sweet smile.

"Same as always although its a little hotter than usual." I responded

"Yeah, but I like it when its hot because I know that cooler weather is around the corner." he said with a content smile

"That would be nice." I chuckled

"Oh, you should know that the hashira will be here tomorrow." he said seriously

"Well, I'll make sure to make myself scarce." I said trying to mask my nervousness.

"Don't, all you need to do is smile and show them respect." He smiled

"Will do." I laughed standing up.

"Well I will see you tomorrow and tell your son I said hi." he smirked

"I'll make sure to tell him, see you tomorrow." I bowed

I watched him leave with a fake smile on my face. As soon as he was out of sight I sighed as my stomach throbbed with uncomfortable uneasiness as I began waking to the shed to put my tools away with my head hung low. I was no where okay with the fact that Tengen was going to be here tomorrow. I thought that maybe I should call in sick, but no one would believe that. Even if they did, I’d feel too guilty about it. The best thing to do was to avoid seeing him and focus on my work. If I keep my head down and not do any quick movements, then he won’t see me, hopefully. My thoughts were completely consumed with my nerves that I didn’t even register that I had bumped into someone until I heard someone speaking.

“Hey watch where you walk, alright.” The voice snapped

“Forgive me, I wasn’t looking.” I said frantically bowing as to show respect and forgiveness.

“Y/N?” The voice questioned lowing its tone. I then stood up and as my eyes met with the stranger I immediately tended up. My breath hitched and my stomach dropped into the ground. The one and one Tengen Uzui stood before me in all of his flashy glory.

“Uhh, you gonna say anything?” He joked as his eyes raked over my body.

“Um hi.” I stuttered slightly unsure of what the hell to even do. And I tended even more so when his body came crashing into mine in a bone crushing hug. I could feel his urgency and I almost allowed myself to met into his arms. But I couldn’t because I knew it wasn’t right.

“I missed you.” He mumbled into my hair. “I’m so sorry Y/N, you didn’t deserve that.” He cried.

“I know.” I said monotone still unsure what to do. Do I tell him about our son or do I keep my mouth shut and pretend like any of this is okay?

“Where have you been?” He questioned breaking the hug but still standing close. I looked up at him and sighed.

“Here and there, but mostly I’ve been living with my sister.” I said honestly. I really couldn’t lie to this man he’s really good at sporting liars. As much as I hated him, I really didn’t feel like lying to him.

“Ahh so that’s where you’ve been. I though your sister moved away from here.” He said curiously.

“She was going to, but she decided to stay.” I responded trying not to show too much emotion.

“Guess I should’ve looked there.” He joked

“You looked for me?” I questioned as I raised an eyebrow.

“Of course I did you’re my wife and I love you.” He scoffed as though he was offended.

“I just thought you wouldn’t care.” I mumbled

“Of course I care.” Tengen sighed

“Well you sure as hell didn’t act like it then.” I snapped

“You’re right, I didn’t I was too hard on you. You made a simple mistake. Hell I’ve made mistakes too. Making mistakes in this line of work is never good, but no one died. I should’ve been easier on you and I’m sorry.” He spoke. His eyes were pleading with mine saying silent apologies.

“Thank you for apologizing, but I can’t forgive you right now. You make me feel like I was nothing and I’m not just going to forgive that easily. I know one day I will, but I just can’t now.” I whispered as tears threatened my eyes.

“That’s understandable, I just hope one day that we can be together again. I miss you and honestly you’re the best aspect of life.” He said with a longing gaze.

“I’m not sure about that. That might take a long time. I don’t exactly trust you.” I spoke honestly.

“Fair enough.” He sighed. I reluctantly decided that I should just rip the bandaid off. Kei was his son and as much as I hated to admit it, Tengen was honest about his apologies. That man doesn’t half ass anything. So I thought this might be the time.

“Look Tengen I-“Just as I was about to tell him the screeching voice of my child filled my ears and I knew I was fucked.

“Mama!” Kei screeched as he ran straight towards me crushing me into a hug. He nuzzled his head into my thigh and despite how nervous I was I smiled at how cute my baby was.

“We have a child.” I finished with an awkward smile. Tengen stood there stiff and unmoving which was strange for him. I had never seen him tense up like this ever and I began to regret not going home sooner.

“Mama who’s this and why is he so tall.” Kei questioned waking up to Tengen. “Hey, you okay?” He said as he poked Tengens hand.

“Ummm.” Tengen said still shocked at the fact that Kei, his son, was standing right there. Matching pink eyes and all.

“Ummm?” Kei questioned craning his head to the side. “That’s a weird name.” Kei said in disgust.

“Baby this is Tengen Uzui and he’s a hashira. And he’s also your father.” I said trying to stay as calm and collected as possible.

“You’re my dad.?” Kei asked Tengen with cute excited smile on his cubby face.

“Yeah, I guess I am kid.” Tengen whispered crouching down and pulling Kei towards him in a loving him. “I’m your dad.” Tengen cried.

I began to shed a few tears at how cute this meeting was. I felt slightly bad that I didn’t tell Tengen about our son, but I had good reasons not to. I’m just so glad that he seems to be a better and nicer man. My thoughts then came to a haunt as I noticed my sister wasn’t here nor was was neighbor that Kei likes to hang out with. Meaning he came here alone.

“Kei honey, did you walk here alone.” I questioned with my hands on my hips.

“Umm no.” He quickly said.

“Kei answer your mother honestly.” Tengen said sternly but not too much as to scare the child.

“Yeah okay I came here by myself. But I really missed you!” Kei cried quickly to defend himself

“I missed you too, but you need to wait until I get home.” I sighed looking at how adorable my son looked with a pout.

“Okay.” He said reluctantly. Smiling at my son hugging his father brought peace to me. And I then decided to do something that would bring us all together.

“Tengen, would you like to join us for dinner?” I questioned still looking at the cute scene before me.

“Absolutely I would!” He exclaimed standing up and picking up our son, swinging him in the air.

“Yay!” Kei screeched

Making eye contact with Tengen I have him a small smile. His eyes looked relaxed and happy and I’m glad that he found out about or son. He then came up to me smiling as well.

“Y/N thank you for allowing me to be with him. I will do by best to be the father he deserves and hopefully one day the man you deserve if that’s what you’d like.” He spoke

“Thank you, I’m sure you will. And for that second bit only time can tell.” I joked

“Sounds good to me. Alright shall we go?” Tengen suggested

“Yeah, I wanna show you my room!” Kei said

“I bet it’s the flashiest room ever.” Tengen said matching Kei’s energy.

“It sure is!” I exclaimed content about the situation that I was in. But I wondered something.

“Hey why are you here early?” I asked Tengen

“The master told me to come early.” He spoke

“Why?” I asked

“No idea, but something tells me this was the reason.” He spoke softly

“Maybe.” I responded shaking my head at the thought that the master was trying to play match maker again.

We walked to the house as Kei held Tengens hand as well as he could. While the adults caught up on the years and for the first time in a long time I felt happy to be near Tengen.

Thank you so much for reading💜 Thank you to whoever requested this! Sorry it took longer than expected.

Please fell free to comment, repost, and request.

Click here to see what I’ll write for and HERE for my master list.

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n and any original characters•

-L.W.L

[zzznnnq]

Fading Polaroids

pairing: Jang Wonyoung x Fem!Reader

genre: angst, suicide

————————————————————————————

The room was too quiet for my liking as the sound of the rain could be heard outside of the house. The moody wind blew inside through the windows that were slightly opened, making a figure that was lying flat on her bed shivered. She wasn't fond of freezing air as she tended to get cold easily.

I turned to look at her, tears staining her cheeks. I wonder who makes her cry this time. 'Don't cry sad girl, you deserve so much better,’ that's the only things I can utter whenever her eyes turned cloudy. There's nothing much I can do after all.

I looked around the room, my eyes fell on the fading polaroids that hanging on the wall above her headboard. I could see the familiar face, it was her, me, and our friends. Suddenly a loud sob was heard, falling from her lips. She sat on her bed as we both now look at the same things, the wall of memories.

"Why didn’t you close the window? You will get cold, Wonyoung." I tried to talk to her, but the silence was too loud. I've waited for a moment, but getting ignored in return.

The door opened slightly ajar, her mother was standing at the doorstep. "That's not how you coping of someone's death, honey. Y/n will be sad if she could see you like this." Her mother sadly stated, making her breaking even more. That's true, but let her be, maybe that's her coping mechanism. Everyone has their own way of grieving someone's death. It would be worse if I was in her shoes, though. I tend to mourn until I passed out. But I already am now.

The moment her mother said that, I just realized that I was no longer a human that always hanging out in this cozy room. I am now a wandering soul without a body, in other word, I am ghost. A ghost that still stick around her friend. A lonely ghost that needs a company.

I don't know that being a ghost can be too lonely, it was my first week after I took my own life after all. It wasn't my intention to break her heart, I didn’t know that I was too precious to her. I am sorry, but there's nothing I can do now. It's not like I regret anything, but I truly regret for leaving her in this cruel word. 'She's not alone, I don't need to worry' the way I keep saying it, to reassure myself that she's not going to do something stupid like I do.

“There was no sign. She just took her own life, mom. I wish she had told me everything other than keeping it to herself and making dumb decisions,”That was my first time hearing her voice after the day the news got her. Her voice was kind of hoarse, maybe because lots of crying. I wish I could hug her right now.

"I am sorry again if I didn’t tell you any of my secrets, Wonyoung. It's not like I don't trust you but I don't think it worth anything, we both were just dumb teenagers, there's nothing we can do about it. I don't want you to worry about me or anything. I want you to be happy. I am sorry," I said as if she could hear me. But I am glad that I could still seeing her face and hearing her voice.

Next moment I could see was her taking off the pictures from the wall, aggressively shoving it into her drawer beside her bed. It breaks my heart watching the scene happened right in front of me, but I kept saying to myself, 'maybe that's just how she coped with my death.’ I walked to the corner of the room, just to look at the clock. It took me a moment before I realized, I came here just to say goodoye. That was my last time being on earth.

I don't know if I was really easy to forget. The memories of me slowly fading from her mind, just like the fading polaroids in her drawer. And that's how I realized I could easily become a ghost in people's memories after my death.

[lowcallyfruity]

why you like sebek sm? (Not to be rude but it actually got me interested to ask about my moots favs)

HEYYYYY BARBS >_< HEHEHE DW LOL I DONT THINK ITS A RUDE QUESTION !!!

Heh…. Now let me talk about why I love sebek

Honestly, I think a lot of it has to do with how much I relate to him. He’s really special to me because he’s a character I can really see myself in. I’m Mexican, but something about him being half fae and half human really resonates with me. Maybe it’s because I’ve lived in the United States for so long, that it’s become a part of me somewhat. His issues with his identity is part of his charm, and mean a lot to me because it’s just so…. Realistic and deep lol. I cry about Sebek sometimes because he is just so tragic.

He’s just a loud, passionate boy who loves his family!!!!! He has a superiority complex!! It was influenced by the people around him!!! By his family!!! By his community!!!! People hate his human side!!! HE hates his human side!!!! He was a late bloomer!!! His ears are round!!! It’s a sign of everything he hates!!! Everything he hates about himself!!! His best friend is a human!!!! And he was able to do magic faster than him!!!! The people he idolizes love silver and give him so much attention!!! He’s the focus of attention and Sebek is left struggling!!! He gets the crumbs and he has to fight for recognition!!!! He values what he can get because he has to work for it!!! It’s so scarce!!! He wants to be strong!!! But his hatred for himself is so strong it interferes with his daily life!!! He latches on the bits of identity that mean so much to him because without them he feels lower than everyone else. He’s going through so much it hurts 😭😭😭 he’s just a boy 😭😭😭 he’s just 16 and it’s like the worlds against him 😭😭😭 he’s so loud , he can’t control his volume. Literally everyone hates him because of it. Because he’s so stubborn too. Because he’s so blunt. Because of the hatred that was drilled into him since he was young. That humans are lesser than and because he’s half human it affected him so much!!!!!! AOFUFJFHFJDHFHFHF HE MAKES ME SO SAD 😭😭😭😭 I KNOW IM JUST EXPLAINING HIS STORY BUT ITS SUCH A BIG PART OF WHY I LOVE HIM

HES ALSO SOOOO SILLY!!???!???????? He does silly things and he’s kinda dumb 😭 he thinks he knows everything but he doesn’t 😭😭 he gets tricked by Lilia so easily and it’s funny but it’s also so TRAGIC TO ME???? LIKE HELLO???! HES SO GULLIBLE??!!?! ESPECIALLY WITH PEOPLE HE RESPECTS?!?!?? 😭😭😭 Lilia pranks him so much and Sebek just accepts it. I swear Lilia (or malleus) could tell him to jump off a cliff and he would do it. It drives me insane how sad it is. LIKE OHHH MYYY GODDDDDDD 😭😭😭😭 HE JUST WANTS APPROVAL HE WANTS SOMEONE TO GIVE HIM A PAT ON THE BACK AND TELL HIM HE IS GOOD AT SOMETHING. ANYTHING. HE WANTS RESPECT. AND HE TRIES TO GET IT THE ONLY WAYS HE KNOWS HOW. 😭😭😭😭

But yeah he’s also really comedic and has funny scenes.. he is just a silly dumb 16 year old boy so ofc he has goofy moments. also he’s just really nice to look at. I adore his design… I think his hair is very pretty especially with it down… his slick back hair suits him and his character…. AOUFH HIS HAIR IN GENERAL IS SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME….. his lightning motif…. It’s so good.. HIS CUTE LITTLE SMILE :} AOUFH….. the cutest boy ever

He’s very expressive and emotional and overreacts and AOUFHHH he’s just like me for real….

AOUFHHH AND HE IS SO KIND AND LOVING TOO!!! THAT IS SUCH A BIG PART OF HIM!! HES SO PASSIONATE!!!! HE SHOWS RESPECT WHEN HE RECOGNIZES IT!!! NOT ONLY TO MALLEUS OR LILIA!!! BUT TO EPEL!!! BUT TO DEUCE!!! And I think Jack too???? He compliments his peers when he recognizes their skills and AOUGFHHFHFHFFHFH….

He’s such a smart boy 😭😭😭😭💕💕💖💗💗💞💞 and he’s out here giving advice…. He can be reasonable… He seems like the type to give advice and not even follow his own but that’s not what we’re talking about now SVREAMING CRING….. he’s just such a good character….

There’s so much so him, so many layers behind just “haha loud guy that likes malleus wayyy too much and hates humans” I think everyone should take a deep dive into Sebek 👍👍👍

AOUFH ITS JUST. The fact that there’s so much sadness to him but despite It all he’s still a silly little guy :) he loves his family!!! He loves his friends!!!! He would do anything for them!!!! ITS SO *slams fist on table* I love him so much.

Uhmmm there’s stuff about him that I like that are more headcanon territory and me kinda reaching and projecting but also trying to stay close to canon him but yehag 👍👍 I think he’s neat 👍👍👍 super cool guy that’s funny and also really cute 👍👍👍 epixxxxxcc

He’s just a boy…….. he’s trying so hard… sobs 😭😭😭 I love this guy

[catbountry]

Kill. Murder. Rape. Suicide. Pedophile. Nazi. Hitler. Covid. Dead. Death.

When's the last time you watched a YouTube video or a TikTok video where some or even all of these words were censored, either by being bleeped out like what used to be reserved solely for swear words, or having sound-alike stand-ins (sewer slide, PDF File) or euphemisms (unalive)?

I'm not sure exactly where "unalive" came from, but I want to say it was in a similar batch of Roblox screencaps of children trying to creatively get past wordfilters by telling people to "go commit die." And I guess Fortnite played a role as well. Apparently "game-end" is attributed to a short film covered by Pyrocynical which was made to be family friendly, but I swear I have this memory of official Epic Games promo material using the term and I don't know if this real or not. I don't play Fortnite and I never will, so this was not considered important enough to really properly commit it to memory.

EDIT: It came from a Spider-man cartoon where Deadpool used it in an incredibly in-character way. Thanks, Guy I'm Going to Reference Later in this Post.

It's an incredibly childish word. It seems like it was one that used to be used ironically until TikTok, being owned by a Chinese company where censorship laws are much stricter than here in the U.S., decided that words like "dead" and "death" and even "hole" were too dangerous of something, causing users to start getting creative and adapting these absurd euphemisms and they became so popular that people started using it who weren't even using it as a cheeky way to get around these word filters, on other sites that didn't have these same restrictions.

YouTubers can say the word "death" and "die" and (usually) don't have to worry about demonitization. The self-censoring that I remember starting on this very website, done as a way to either prevent posts being found through search or possibly offending the most sensitive of followers, is now being used by users to get around the restrictions set by giant faceless corporations to protect The Children, whose parents are giving them unrestricted access to the internet at younger and younger ages. I watched a video from an adult YouTuber crying about Newgrounds-style animations that were on YouTube about My Little Pony and about how traumatized he was by these, while also insisting he had good parents.

Good parents would not have let you have unrestricted access to 2012 YouTube unsupervised at age seven. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gotta be the one to tell you this. I'm sure your parents are very nice people, but they could have easily used the internet to find out what kind of stuff was available on the internet. That was an oversight.

I was an adult on the internet in 2012. If I saw a parent just sit their toddler in front of YouTube, I would have asked them what the hell was wrong with them. Now, I see my cousin's children with their iPads watching videos of a faceless person playing with Paw Patrol figures, and I feel uneasy, but a little more hesitant to say something since my cousin seems well aware of the kind of place the internet is, and is always nearby when his kids are watching things. The internet was a constant presence for me in middle and high school, in the late 90's to early 2000's, and I saw some shit I should not have seen. But the trade-off was that I had a space where I could express myself openly, a place my mom didn't care about and wouldn't see. I clicked things I know I shouldn't have because I was a dumb, curious kid, and my mom was happy to not have to deal with me and have me be quiet, I guess. And my cousin is only a year older than I am, so I imagine our experiences on the early internet weren't that much different, considering he's also a bit of a nerd.

So this YouTuber aims his ire at the animators, who were making animations for other adult fans of the show (which he acknowledges), for daring to make edgy content of something made for children, holding up this children's media as a sort of sacred cow. For comparison, in middle and high school I was watching crude animations of frogs in blenders, stick figures bashing each other's heads into walls, and torture simulators featuring anyone from Pikachu and Elmo to Osama bin Laden. But because kids like him, kids brought up in the age of web 2.0, found these videos and watched them before their age had hit double-digits, those videos got lots of views from other children. And from that, we got Elsagate and Finger Family, videos that are still around but have mutated from featuring Elsa and Spider-man to now featuring Huggy Wuggy from Poppy's Playtime, or Pomni from The Amazing Digital Circus or Bluey from, uh, Bluey. These aren't edgy animations made for and by teenagers and young adults for a laugh, they're videos presumably made by teams of adults to mass produce and fill with as much shocking, click-baity content that doesn't even require being able to understand English to understand the plot, all to get watch-time to make money. There's no artistic merit to it. It's neither satire, nor is it an earnest expression of love for the source material, the latter of which, whether you like it or not, is where most rule 34 falls. No, these videos have only ever been content slop since this started around 2016. And this shit is still happening.

That same YouTuber has made a video about how we need to stop saying "unalive," which is part of what inspired me to post this at all, and I can't help but feel like this dude takes himself way too goddamn seriously, frowning upon "commit toaster bath" and "late term fetus deletus," which my edgelord, former 4channer millennial brain finds funny (it is too late for me, lads). This dude is in his early 20's and it's really interesting seeing someone discover pretty much things I've known since I was his age, but acting like they're these huge revelations. Like yeah, I've known about media influence on culture since I was in middle school, because of the internet, which was new and unrestricted by the Standards and Practices that shackled old media like radio and television. That used to be something that pretty much everybody on the internet was aware of; it's the reason why we came here in the first place. And you are right that giant corporations are censoring people, but also, the internet being corralled into a small handful of websites makes internet culture more homogenized and disposable. People can still meet life-long friends through the internet, but the sites where I first met some of my best friends are digital ghost towns, if they still exist at all, or they've become overrun with users infected by political brainworms that make them have incredibly strong opinions on a one-off promotional video done by Budweiser with a transgender TikTok influencer. You've got better luck making life-long friends through playing in the same Minecraft server together than you do being mutuals on Instagram or Twitter. And while Discord is the closest thing I've been able to find that replicates the feeling of both forum culture and chatrooms of the past, it's got its own set of problems unique to it. I can just say "Discord kitten" and most people who use Discord will know exactly what I mean.

Whoever decided to stop teaching kids about how to be safe online should probably be shot. Facebook made putting your whole-ass name and face and location on the internet not just normal, but people will find you suspicious if you choose not to do that. God, I fucking hate Facebook so much.

He's right, though, about the social contagion effect of language. This was a concern for me on this website a decade ago, but that was all social pressure. There was no corporate mandate cracking down on people, making them type "st*pid" to get around restrictions. That was all moral peacocking, baby. People did that shit to themselves.

Tumblr nowadays feels more sane, just because those of us left after the porn ban got a couple of years to grow up and chill out. But because of the porn ban, we can only really talk about the effects of it and complain, rather than be able to post our smut openly. Human sexuality expresses itself in some genuinely weird ways; I should know, and you should probably donate to Archive of Our Own to make sure there's a space where these things can be expressed without fear of censorship to protect The Children. But "unalive" is a symptom of a much larger problem, which is to sand off all the edges of the internet to make it marketable; the free market is more than happy to cater to the whims of the CCCP if they think it can make them more money. There's a lot of people in China, after all. The internet has more people on it but they're confined to much smaller spaces. Children don't have their own spaces online, and when they do, they're not as carefully moderated, instead opting for either overworked humans overseas, or dumb robots that just filter certain words and just become an obstacle to maneuver around to tell something to kill themselves with the creativity of someone who's at a sixth-grade reading level. People in their 20's are uncomfortable with nudity and sex scenes in films, perhaps under the assumption that it's always exploitation, that these scenes can't have artistic merit and are solely there to titillate, and given the sort of dumbing down of art thanks to Marvel and Disney, this seems like the only natural result when combined with the trauma of finding things online that you shouldn't have at way too young of an age. I do not like where this is going, and it's really saying something that those brought up in a sex-negative, American puritanical mindset only start paying attention when the censorship is affecting how we talk about death, something we have absolutely no problem with glorifying in our culture.

And if you're wondering why I wrote yet another long-ass essay bemoaning the slow death of internet culture and the Weenie Hut Jr's-fication of younger generations, well, it's because of this screenshot from 4chan.

Now if only they could bully out the tradcaths.

[pedge-page]

Personal:

My anxiety at work is spiking. I feel so lazy and not performing what is exacted at me, even performing worse than last year. And I asked 2 stupid questions I think already just today alone and can tell my manager is not happy with me because after all this time I should know this shit but I DONT because I'm not involved or with it mentally as i am expected to be. Just fucking existing and unsure and barely trying, not even using my brain really at this point but having little to no guidance , which makes me feel worse because clearly I need my hand held through everything. I'm not application based nor do I have the brain to figure basic stuff out on my own. Like at this point she should fire me for being so inefficient and ineffective if I can't take initiative to do things myself especially after being in this role for over a year and a half. I just don't know what I'm doing and I lounge around and make busy work but clearly didn't realize there was other stuff i should have been figuring out and doing but I didn't KNOW because Im too fucking dumb.

I have to take this test too as part of my goals but I'm not ready because it's so application based and I barely understand the coursework. I feel so slow lately like I can't concentrate how I used to in school. I've been "studying" (if you can call it that, more like a loose 2 hours a week) since April and it's fucking August, the test is $150 and I don't want to fail but i know I will! Every time I try to study, I get so overwhelmed by how foreign everything is, and the practice tests are even harder than the material it's supposed to reflect ans I just start crying at work which is so pathetic. I cry so easily over everything lately.

Plus my mom ans dad on my ass "Oh you need a new job anyone would take you you're so smart you need a challenge" like clearly not, I'm too dumb for this base level job but they don't see it nor know anything that I'm actually doing!

I just want to drink bubble tea, buy plants, and clean / organize stuff.

[cringengl]

Hey!! It's the byler music fairy!! What are the songs you most associate with byler, Will, and/or Mike, and why??

(sorry for the lack of emojis... your askbox wouldn't let me add them D:)

aaaaahhhhh I have a couple of these haha

for byler, my fave songs for them i have is fly out west by yot club, which is literally s4 byler. like mike literally flies out west at the start of s4?? lmao. there's also lyrics like

Well, tell me, do you know?

You're all I dream about

Take it from me, I'm too dumb to recognize your doubt

Well, I don't wanna go

I'm in too far to leave

Tell me how you live so easily, young and naive

and

Talk bad, who's that?

Walk back to your place

I think you fake that smile that's on your face

which could honestly apply to both will and mike, one being all the other dreams about and being jealous about how naive they are, and also both of them faking their smiles, mike because of his failing relationship with el and will pretending to be ok with it.

ok so for the second one is true blue by boygenius, and although the title screams will as the chorus says that the love is 'true blue', which is obviously mike's colour, there's a bunch of lyrics that connect to both of them.

lyrics from mike's pov:

You can't help but become the sun - will has a bunch of light symbolism throughout the series, especially in the last ep where the light shines directly onto will from mike's pov

When you moved to Chicago, you were spinning out

When you don't know who you are, you fuck around and find out

When you called me from the train, water freezing in your eyes

You were happy and I wasn't surprised

i can totally see mike thinking that will was happier and trying new things in lenora without him, especially after the lies el told mike in her letters and then mike being a little upset about it.

this part is from will's pov:

Now you're moving in, breaking a sweat on your upper lip

And getting pissed about humidity and the leaky faucet- digging the grave for unnamed hero agent guy haha and creating el's mind fight bath

You already hurt my feelings three times

In the way only you could- it's not my fault you don't like girls, the lack of letters/calls when will was in lenora, and the rink-o-mania fight

You've never done me wrong

Except for that one time that we don't talk about

Because it doesn't matter anymore

Who won the fight?

I don't know, we're not keeping score

these lyrics also have major it's not my fault you don't like girls vibes.

and then finally from both of their povs:

But it feels good to be known so well

I can't hide from you like I hide from myself

I remember who I am when I'm with you

Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue

Ooh-ooh

this is major painting scene vibes, with both will and mike feeling understood by the other, and not hiding from eachother.

finally, to finish this super long post off, here's a song that is soooo mike wheeler coded that literally every lyric can be applied, forever dumb, by surf curse. it's all mike's pov

I would run away from you, if I could

Never really wanted to, but I guess I should run - the first two lines obviously correlate to will and how mike feels about him leading to him wanting to run from him

I would fall in love with you, but I can't

It's too hard, maybe we'll just pretend- the next two lines are about his relationship with el lmao

But it's hard when I don't know what to do

I'm angry and I'm tired and confused

I got so many thoughts stuck in my head

And none of them make much sense- big big big mike vibes

I said I would follow you, but I lied

Don't be mad

Well, at least I tried- 'follow you' is both related to crazy together as well as mike's relationship with el

I never had a spot for you in my life

Which was true

Till I heard you cry- mike meeting el for the first time and taking her in or byler meeting at the swingset

And your tears dripped down your face into my eyes- either the van scene or el telling mike that he never said i love you

I'm sorry and I hate myself this time

Cause I got so many thoughts stuck in my head

And none of them

Make much sense

anyway, tysm for the ask!! (this was my reminder to change my anon settings haha)

here are the three songs!!!

[snufflepup]

I'm glad you'll check it out! Though sorry, I'm like kinda just ranting on about my favorite media in these asks -_-' but I can't wait to see if you like it! I like knowing people like the things I recomend^^ I loved loved Mike and Mal, but since I saw season one back a bit ago, I was a total Duncan fan girl (now fanboy lol) >.< he's just so!!!! Yk? Though his character development over the seasons wasn't the best :< I remember I liked Gwen and zoe a lot, and scott was cool too from what i remember. I used to hate Alejandro, but tbh he warmed up to me in the last season he was in, I think. And there's the book of Bill that came out recently, teasing at stuff, though. idk if anyone knows what's going on with it lol. And I think I might be fine on watching that video, it takes a lot to make me cry (not to try and be insulting or anything). I think the last time I cried was when my gf broke up with me, but I mean before that Idk when I cried lol.

I remember when I was 5, I'd cry every night cause I thought the sun would explode and we'd all die lol. I think tears would look cute on you, a cute little puppy face all puffy and wet with tears, ahh! It just sounds the cutest!<3 but yeah, I had existential dread at that age too, wondering whats the point in living if no one will really actually care. Thats why i wanna become a famous youtuber one day! Then everyone would remember me, or that'd be the plan. Though the older i get, the less i feel like that dream is obtainable for me. All that youtube cares about is clickbait and dumb shit, and i cant see myself gaining an audience cause i mean i post on my tiktok weekly and i struggle to even get 100 views, so its kinda depressing the more i think about it. I used to be so hopeful and excited to be able to share myself online and make people happy, but it kinda just feels out of reach now. And given I used to be a gifted kid, I mean I could have actually done something with myself when I was younger, but as I got older I just couldn't apply myself as easily and gave up on thinking entirely. I actually can't think at all because of that and just hope I understand the concept on the first try like before or I'm fucked lol. I'm actually sad now kinda and realized I just kinda vented to you- sorry puppy :<

-ike<3

It's alright ! I don't mind at all !!

I remember liking him in the beginning, but not so much later on, I understand what you mean about his character development didn't go in the best direction !! I'm really excited for whatevers going on with it ! I feel like I can get really emotional very easily at times, I wouldn't say that I cry a lot but . I kind of do at the same time . I recently cried over a video of someone talking about how they lost one of their pets, and the other one missed them a lot and stuff . I probably cried harder than I should have . It was so sad (◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ) aaa ! I'm blushing . /pos

I think I had the same kind of thoughts, the memory is a little fuzzy now though, so I don't really remember exactly what they were. I'm sure if you keep at it, you can do it !! I think, from what I know at least, it's definitely harder than what it was at like the start of youtube and like you said it's all like . click bait and disengenuous and things like that, but I also see a lot of people talking about how they don't like it so I'm sure that means it's not hopeless ^–^ A lot of people also say you should do what makes you happy, and not to focus so much on views and stuff but idk ! I'm not one so take what I say with like a grain of salt !! Growing up is hard. . . I think it's okay to feel like things are harder now, because they are ! I don't think that means your not like, gifted or anymore, I think it just means things have changed . Sorry I don't think I made very much sense. . . I feel like I just said things, but I'm trying to say I think you are still important

I hope you feel better now ! I'm sorry this took so long, too

[candiid-caniine]

[cw: infidelity, mention of doxxing]

sometimes i wonder if there aren't secret kinksters reading this blog. people in totally vanilla relationships...for now...

imagine you're in such a vanilla relationship. you don't really do anything adventurous. you call having sex "making love." and then one day your partner leaves their phone open. it's not that you mean to snoop, you trust them, but you catch the words "whore" and "puppycunt" and you have to know. as far as you know, they don't read erotica--hell, maybe you're one of those couples for whom watching porn seems akin to cheating, even!

so you look. and you scroll. and there's my blog. maybe even asks sent anonymously, but with little turns of phrase or metaphors that make you highly suspicious your partner sent them in. you're angry. disgusted. hurt. who is this sopping bitch your partner seems so fixated on? you quickly copy the name of this blog down before your partner comes back for their phone.

you don't know why you don't confront them right then. perhaps you're determined to make me pay for my role in this betrayal, find some information you can use to hurt me like you've been hurt. or maybe you need to discern what's so special about my blog, what dissatisfactions your partner might have been yearning to remedy. so you return here in the dead of night, relishing in the sick twist of your stomach. it's almost cathartic, giving in to disgust and anger.

you could be aiming to doxx me, working some obsessive divination over the times i'm "at work" or "back home" or "going to bed," picking through the backgrounds of my scant few photos, looking for clues. you imagine composing long, angry screeds to me, threatening me, calling me every filthy slut-shaming name you can think of, but it kind of steals your thunder that i'm into it, doesn't it...? because every ask seems to have some undertone of "you're a pathetic little whore, and it's even more pathetic that you wag your tail when people tell you that, dumb dog," on and on, telling me how stupid i am for not caring about being called names, insulted, threatened, degraded...and i just lap it up.

and it's then you get frustrated with me, because you're realizing i'm just so dumb and fucked-up that i can't even really be blamed. you can't find anything hinting at manipulation or self-aggrandizement or maliciousness or jealousness at all, just the shallow, instinct-driven creature-whines for attention, no matter how bad or divided or cruel. back to disgust: that your partner could be so easily swayed by something so pitiful and thoughtless; you thought they were deep, they were intellectual. there is nothing charming about me.

yet...still, you keep returning. the longer it goes on, the longer you watch in sick, dull fascination, the longer it becomes your small infidelity, your dirty little secret. because if it was a one-sided thing, you'd have confronted them a long time ago, wouldn't you? night after night, you wonder where the line is before you've trespassed equally, before it becomes your guilt to bear.

maybe it's a few days. maybe it's a few weeks. maybe your moment of clear action, rather than simple reaction, is when you send that first ask telling me how badly you wanted to blame me for your relationship issues, but how clear it is that i'm too pathetic to even be a threat. or maybe it's when i respond telling you to take it out on me anyway, that i'm sorry, that i should be punished. or maybe it's whn you send that follow-up ask with a task to debase myself in penance, or maybe it's when i actually do it.

maybe you can rationalize your engagement as a cry for help, for attention, hoping your partner will realize, catch you, be the one to start the discussion. or maybe at this point it's just therapeutic to periodically remind yourself of how pathetic i am, how nothing i am. after all...is it really cheating if i'm so far below real person?

[inconsideratekidney]

10/3/24

happy october! i love spooky season, not for the spooks, but for the earthy tones and slight weather change. i have definitely not prepared myself enough for this cold weather and am in a bad mood lately, but i am very ready for this season. i like it better downstate because it's very fucking cold up here.....i don't like it thaaat much up here, but everyone i know and care about is up here, so yur. i also love wearing sweaters, cardigans, sweatshirts, fun socks, ugg slippers, PANTSSSS pacifically flare pants and jeans in general.

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i like that my hair sits on my shoulders and has enough volume that it looks vibrant, but what i wouldn't do to have thin hair that is easy to put up in a ponytail and take care of. i hate how frizzy my hair looks about one hour after brushing it, how it takes so much effort to put it up and how often i see other people putting their hair up in such cute braids n shit! i want that. every day it sits awkwardly on my shoulders waiting for me to give enough of a fuck to do something about it. i also don't do anything to take care of my hair. i just hate it and stick with whatever it looks like. i don't blow dry my hair ever, i also don't wear makeup really. i only brush out my hair after it's mostly dry, then i brush it a little, cuz it just frizzes up and looks poofy and stupid when i brush it out. i don't like how time-consuming hair and makeup is. i would love to be an eyeliner and mascara girly, but eyeliner is so hard. im good with my mascara cuz i also don't want to look like im wearing anything. it's super cool to see the eye looks people come up with, but i wouldn't want people to always look at me even if it made me feel good to wear it and that i worked hard on it--if that makes people stare at me or look at me more than usual, i don't want it.

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why the hell is the boob rock all over the snapchat stories and why are these boobless computer science majors so invested in reincarnating it? it's so pathetic. get a life please.....stop bothering public safety to have to keep removing it after you guys keep replacing it......so odd and such freshman behavior. they also get so mad when you say that it's porn and upsetting women. sorry something you did upset someone else and you have to risk your ego. it's a dumb thing and honestly is such a tech school thing. sometimes i really wish i didn't go here....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my thumb hurts less, but still hurts. i am uncomfortable with the fact that it's not healing fully and that i can easily reinjure it if i am not careful....hate that. it lowkey feels broken..... it hurts in the bone area if i bend it outwards like in a direction your thumb doesn't typically go. this is like that doctor interaction:

"it hurts when i do this, doctor."

"then don't do that!"

i don't do it on purpose, it just happens when i do life. my bad, doc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there really are some people in my classes that stunt my learning. some people that talk during the lecture, fidget a ton and are too loud for my liking all throughout the lecture and they sit right next to me. i am referring to one person, but they really do piss me off. they weren't in class today, so i could pay attention better... i also had to ask for help with the lab and the person next to me was of little help and i wanted to cry after asking for his help because i still didn't understand what he said or whatever the fuck i actually have to do for the assignment. that assignment sucks and can kiss my ass. i hate statistics.

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this blog is all over the place as i am plopping ideas onto the page that have come up and are all that i can remember for the time being. sometimes i write these in multiple go's and i hate it because it lacks the continuity that i crave. i also love sitting down and writing it in one sitting because it develops a theme, but sometimes that theme is very tunnel-visioned and doesn't make any sense at all. this blog is not going in one single direction or even a couple, it's going in many directions and i couldn't care less this time to fix it because i feel like shit.

speaking of my blog and continuity--i want to try to post on either tuesdays or thursdays or both. thats what i did last week and it felt easier. thursdays appear to be the worst day out of my week consistently so i hope to get at least tuesdays.

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why do people have children? i mean seriously, why? because it's what other people do; because it's the expectations your parents set for you; because you want the population to keep going; because you really wanted to have a little girl since your own childhood for vague reasons at first, then realized you hated the way you were raised and want to do better for the next generation and you can't complain about the next generation going to shit when you aren't actively having children? yeah, these reasons are very pressuring. feels rough when i don't even really want children for myself, i just want to parent in a different way than my parents, and that in and of itself could be more harmful than just not having kids. idk. i probably will have kids so i don't feel useless in the future, but also, i don't want to pressure them to do anything they don't want to....idk....

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i really dislike when people get so opinionated that they have blurred vision or even rose-colored glasses on. i want more opinions from different people, but it's also so overwhelming honestly. i need like a couple of business days to take in what people say to me, and that's way too long before people get bored or forget what five-second convo we had that i thought about for way too long.

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i scratched my watch against the wall when trying to get something in between my wall and my bed. it turns out my bed was too close to the wall and i want to truly throw it at the fucking wall because what the fuck. this thing gets scratched so easily and it pisses me off. i hope it goes away this time...it's happened before.

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i am almost completely done decorating my room. got my mushrooms up, my butterflies have a home now, i put my mattress topper on my bed, and i removed the clutter from the ground. i gotta vacuum, build the shelf, put up some posters, and get a rug from target most likely. yipee!~

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i want more frilly socks cuz my typical socks pull on my hair and it hurts like a motherfucker.

i also have been sweating too much in this cold weather. gotta pick one or the other, babe. fuck my body and its stupid inequalities.

oki, goodnight y'all love you,

kD :p

[theproloser34]

AJR - The Maybe Man

So finally got around to listening to AJR's newest album. AJR is very weird to me just cause I either love their songs, or the subject matter is just way too corny for me to listen too. Despite that, I really liked their past album, OK Orchestra so I went into this one with an open mind. I'm happy to report that I see this album as a good 7/10. Not great, but an enjoyable listen. Maybe Man: Definitely a great opener to the album. I enjoy the melody and the outro "Here I go again" refrain makes me wish that the song was longer, because it's my favorite part Touchy Feely Fool: This is a perfect example of the thoughts about AJR. This song is incredibly cheesy but also too relatable to myself so I end up loving this song after two listens. Definitely one of my favorites of the album. Yes I'm A Mess: It's an alright song. I'm not too sure if I enjoy the sea shanty vibes I get from this song, but it is really catchy and an earworm. I didn't think it was a great single, but I enjoy it a bit more in the album The Dumb Song: I feel the same about this as I feel about "Yes I'm A Mess". Has a catchy chorus but nothing else about the song particularly stands out after listening. I do enjoy it a little bit more though. Inertia: I don't have anything really to say about this song. I can see how someone would love it, but this song does nothing for me Turning Out Pt. iii: Same thing, doesn't do anything for me. I'm not really a fan of AJR's more slow songs, so this does not hit hit, but easily could be someone's favorite. I appreciate the message of the song, but the song itself does nothing Hole in the Bottom of My Brain: It's a song about fame. I know some people don't like famous people complaining about being famous, but I think this is a nice little deviation than the usual complaints of fame. Also is a nice upbeat and catchy tune. The DJ is Crying For Help: Another one of my favorites. Immediately liked this song when it was released as a single and it has just grown on me more. The only bad thing is this is again another song where I wish there was one more chorus or just a little more development before the outro. The "Don't leave me out" vocal run is my favorite part and I wish it happened more than twice in the song. But still a highlight for sure I Won't: A song I didn't think I would like but soon became the one that was repeating in my head the most. Nothing too special to say about this song. Just seems like a fun anthem for antisocial people, which sometimes you're in the mood for. Steve's Going to London: This is a song I want to like, but I just can't. I find the subject matter interesting but the song itself is too long and just does not sit in my ear well. The bar chant vibe the song is going to just doesn't hit as it should. The bridge is the highlight cause it strips the song down and is most clear about the subject matter, but it doesn't make up for the rest of the song. God is Really Real: I can't hate this song. It just feels wrong to. This isn't a song made for their audience but for themselves. I can't make myself say anything about a song about their dad dying. The line "This kind of thing happens to other dads, It doesn't happen to mine," kills me every time I hear it. It may not be for me but I appreciate this song a lot. 2085: A great outro that I think ends on a appropriate thematic end for the album. The album starts at wondering who you are, to examining certain parts of your emotions and thought processes, to examining outside forces in their lives. To end the album on the lines, "I gotta get better, I'm all that I've got" is such a good way to describe the whole entire album. TLDR: I recommend a listen whether you're a fan of AJR or not. I'm sure you'll find a song or two to like off this album. Also it ain't to long, only 45 mins, so not to much of an investment to listen to. 7/10

[tonberry-yoda]

Hi!! I'd like to ask for a romantic jjba matchup if theyre available! I use she/they pronouns and am pansexual. I'm 5'11 and pretty chubby. When comfortable, I'm really energetic and playful and I love talking!! So much! If the right topics are brought up nothing can make me shut up. I'm really loud and don't realize I'm yelling until people point it out. I'm super unaware and oblivious to both my surroundings and others feelings, so total honesty is super appreciated at all times bc I'll be honest! I'm really dumb. Like really dumb. I'm very affectionate, and my love languages are just about all of them except for gift giving (Im HORRIBLE with picking gifts). I get really uncomfortable with physical or verbal affection in public though. I love spending time with other people, but my social skills are kinda trash so I rarely ever initiate conversations. I tend to rough house with my friends and family a lot, and love teasing them too, though sometitmes I can be a bit too mean. My memory is PATHETIC! I forget things all the time. I'm also kinda emotional and can have a pretty bad temper, and will lash out the second I'm disrespected but I forgive so easily. I am physically incapable of holding grudges for longer than a few days. I love overdressing! I personally pride myself on my humor and think I'm super funny! I value laughter heavily and think that finding someone with a similar sense of humor is very important.

My fashion taste is way too expensive for my budget, but I love clowncore and decora the most!

I love music so much! I'm listening to it every day of the year, every hour of the day, so on and so on. I listen to all kinds, hip-hop, classical, country, theres not a genre I dont like, but my favorites are ska, metal, hyperpop, and disco music!

My hobbies include gaming, writing, watching anime, dancing, staring up at the sky like a turkey, doll collecting, plushie collecting, cooking, and napping. I really like clowns, zoology, and amusement parks (I like the spinny rides).

I hope this is good! You don't have to reply! Hope you have a good day, sorry for the poor grammar and excessive exclamation marks! English is my first language but as I said earlier, Im really dumb *<}:•]

notes: Hi love!!! <3 sorry this took so long! i was piled with so many requests, but I'm finally here! I really hope you're well!! Also, you just sound so delightful and in that regard, I have the PERFECT character for you!

the character I chose for you is...

JOSUKE HIGASHIKATA!!!

this is the perfect man to match your energy

he loves that you are always hype and he will be 100% hype with you

he is also just as playful so you have the perfect man for you

he loves talking just as much as you, so you two get to talking for HOURS and definitely lost track of time

you both can get SO LOUD OMFG

but it's cute

other people have to shut you two up

he's dumb too, don't worry

you both will be the dumbest people in the room, and then people will correct you and you'll just look at each other and burst out laughing

dont worry, he'll be the gift giver

expect goofy gifts like funny socks lol

but he loves cuddling

and will respect you in public because that makes you uncomfy

he will definitely leave the loving words and cuddles for home ;)

he's a big talker to others

he is not shy

so he'll help you initiate conversation with people you want

he kinda helps boost your social skills

it's rad

HE LOVES SPENDING TIME WITH YOU, OKAY?!?!?

you two will play fight a lot lmaoooo

like a ton of mini wrestling matches tee hee

he can also get a bit of a temper (about his hair, duh), so he will know how to handle you when you get angry and emotional

you two help each other <3

you both forgive each other pretty easily, so temper is never a big deal since you both know how to deal with it

he laughs at all of your jokes and he will tell you jokes too

HE LOVES YOUR FASHION SENSE DUDE

like seriously omfg

he is someone who loves to dress a little too expensive too, so you both cry over your bank account, but dress like gods at the end of the day

date time for him is just sitting and listening to music outside in the summertime watching the sunset <3

he loves your room so much

like you two spend a lot of time in there and he notices cool new things every time

he will game with you and cuddle and watch anime

he will kick your ass in video games and you will kick his

he will 100% take you on amusement park dates omfg

like most fun time for the two of you

again, he just loves your energy and you cant get enough of each other <3

~~~~~

matchup rules | pinned post @tonberry-yoda

[severed-ties-uf]

Chapter Twelve: Confession

This picks up right where the last chapter left off. Sans and Chara walk along the bank of the lake, hand in hand; in their other hand, Chara holds the lantern, lighting the way.

Chara takes a deep breath, stopping and looking around at their surroundings. “I really missed the look, sound, and smell of the lake. It’s been so long, since I’ve been here, I almost forgot how serene it is.”

“I know it’s been years, what brought you here last time?” Sans asks.

“His highness and I used to come here a lot, to get a break from life in New Home, and all of the Royal stuff. It was fun! It gave him a break from his princely duties, and from people flocking to him constantly; and it also kept me safe from hostile monsters.” Chara lets out a sigh, closing their eyes a little. “I remember, hanging onto his back as he near-effortlessly climbed up — and on top of — the rocks, giving us amazing views of waterfall; I remember swimming in the lake together and goofing off; it was so nice. I really miss it.”

“Why haven’t ya been recently?” Sans asks, he could easily guess the answer, but he loves talking with Chara, so he asked anyway.

“Well, his highness is eighteen now, so his Royal duties have skyrocketed, rarely ever giving him a break. So there really isn’t any time for it, unfortunately. So, I’m really thankful that you brought me here, today!” Chara looks over to Sans, giving him a warm smile.

Sans returns the smile, “I guessed as much, and- you’re welcome.”

Sans and Chara continue to walk, eventually walking by an Echo Flower. Curious, Chara leads them over to it. Once they reach the flower, they both glance to each other, nod, and turn back to face the flower. Chara lets go of Sans' hand and touches the flower.

A passing conversation can be heard: {

“What do you think of the royal family keeping a human around for so long?”

“It pisses me off, like- just kill the dumb bitch already and get us out of here.”

“I know, right? Like- I get that they’re the Prince's beloved pet and all; I get that he cares a lot about them, but for fuck's sake why won’t he throw away his toy for the good of his people?”

“Exactly, the thing I hate most about our Prince is that he’s way too nice. Compassion does not belong here, I don’t know what his deal is.”

“And the problem is that matter how many times we try and assassinate the human, he always saves them, every single time. Every time, they get saved by either him or their skeleton boyfriend, whoever the fuck he is.”

} the flower goes silent.

Sans and Chara stay quiet for a moment, both looking downwards at the stem of the flower. Sans eventually looks up to chara, “It’s that serious, huh?” He asks.

Chara lets out a sigh, “Yeah, it really is.” Chara turns completely to face Sans, once again taking his hand, their face taking a somber tone. “At times- it makes me think about the hopelessness of my situation, which is why I try not to think about it.” They say, somberly.

Sans takes his right hand and places it on Chara's cheek, “I know…”. Sans looks downward, then returns to continue eye contact, “I- really wish I could do more. I'm sorry, Chara.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Sans. My fate has long been sealed, and there’s nothing that can change that. You shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s outside of your control.” Chara replies, almost tearing up.

“I’m well aware of that, but I can’t help but be mad at myself for not being strong enough to make a change. I want to protect you, but- can’t-, I-” he replies. Now, beginning to tear up as well.

“I know.” Chara says softly, placing the lantern on the ground, and pulling Sans into a hug. “You’re always doing your absolute best to protect me, and I appreciate that more than you could ever comprehend. Don't loose yourself trying to change fate, you’ll only hurt yourself more.”

Sans starts to silently cry, “I know. That’s why I vow to spend as much time with you as possible, and make the absolute most out of what time we have left together.”

They part from the hug, Chara uses their thumb to wipe the gears off of Sans' face. They take their other hand, and place it on Sans' left shoulder. They look deep into his eyes for a moment, eventually smiling. “I love you, Sans.” They say quietly, “I love you.”

Sans quietly gasps in shock, then places his hand on Chara's cheek, wiping away their tears. “I love you too, Chara.”

Both of them smile at each other, now crying tears of happiness. Eventually Chara pulls them both in, placing a warm, gentle kiss on Sans' teeth. Next, Sans gently nips on their cheek (just enough to draw a drop of blood), and they both slowly part, looking into each other’s eyes. Both of their faces covered in a blush, and happy tears.

“Sans, will you be my boyfriend?” Chara asks.

“As long as you’ll be my significant other.” Sans replies.

“Yay!” Chara exclaims, once again pulling Sans into a deep hug.

Sans returns the hug full force, “I wish we could stay here forever, in each other’s arms,” he says.

“Same here,” Chara replies.

They part a little, allowing for some space between them, Sans places his hand on Chara’s cheek. “You have no idea how much you mean to me, Chara. When I was young, I was alone, I didn’t have any friends to speak of; everyone that I did have was endlessly antagonistic towards me. But then, you came along: you showed me true kindness from the first moment we met, you believed in me, you supported me, even at my absolute worst. You were the first person who ever showed me kindness. You mean everything to me, Chara. And I promise to stay with you until the day you die.” Sans says, tearing up.

“Thank you, I promise to be there until that happens,” Chara says silently crying from happiness. “Sans, you were one of my first friends in this world that wants me dead, and you mean so much to me. You being there has helped me more than you could ever know, your presence alone helps me forget about my fate. You are perfect for me, you’re smart, funny, and so kind; you mean the world to me, and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be my boyfriend.” They say, now full on crying.

“You’re the light in my darkness, Chara. My Angel who came to help me ascend; my candle who shines bright even in the most overwhelming darkness. I love you, Chara.” Sans replies, also crying.

“I love you, Sans!” They once again embrace, crying happily into each other.

They stay like that for a couple minutes, eventually parting. Sans picks up the lantern with blue magic and hands it to Chara. “Are you about ready to keep moving?” He asks.

Chara takes the lantern. “Yeah, I’m ready! I see more Echo Flowers up ahead, too!” They exclaim.

“Alright, let’s go.” Sans replies, as they continue to walk, hand in hand, both unable to get the huge smiles off of their faces.

Eventually they reach another Echo Flower, Chara lightly taps it with their finger.

A passing conversation can be heard, the same two voices from last time: {

“You remember two weeks ago, when we attempted to throw a bomb at the human, but the Prince immediately shot it out of the air with a fireball, causing it to detonate in Rick's face?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I remember! Rick fucking died, and we barely escaped, how could I forget that?”

“I was just using that to bring it up. If we’re gonna assassinate the human, we have to try a lot harder than we are right now. The prince seems to have a sixth sense that detects danger or something, making the human untouchable as long as they’re with him, The problem is, that they’re very rarely not in his presence.”

“Yeah, and I’m way~ too stupid to think of a good solution.”

} the flower goes silent.

“Well,” Sans begins, “Seems like they’re not having much luck, are they?”

“Apparently not. To be fair, nobody has gotten much luck with that.” Chara responds, giggling. They look up to a small ledge around 25 away, noticing the Echo Flower sitting on it. “Hey, Sans, can you teleport us up to that ledge? I want to see what the flower has to say!”

“Of course, sweetheart.” He says, teleporting them both up to the flower.

Once there, Chara gives him a kiss, and proceeds to touch the flower.

A passing conversation can be heard, two different voices, but familiar ones: {

“Did I hear that right? They’re the ones? This is too good to be true.”

*phone ringing*

“Yes, Jackie? What do you need?”

“Your highness, I’ve found them, the escaped buffoons who attempted to blow up Chara two weeks ago.”

“You sure it’s them?”

“I just heard them admit it, blatantly.”

“Where?”

“Waterfall, by the lake.”

“Jackie, those two attempted to murder my sibling. I don’t care if you kill them, or bring them in alive, do not let them leave the area unscathed!”

“As you wish, your highness.”

*hang up*

“Let’s se how they like this.”

*gunshot* *gunshot* *gunshot* *gunshot*

“Got ‘em.”

} the flower goes silent.

“Well… they’re dead.” Sans says, blankly. “Whatever, they deserved it.”

“Yeah… I just wish they didn’t have to die, I wish they had the opportunity to change.” Chara says, looking down.

“I know, sweetheart.” Sans responds. “What do you say, we pack it up for today and bring you home?”

“Sounds like a good idea, I’m pretty tired, and I bet you are too.” Chara responds.

“You got that right.”

Author's notes:

Finally a proper confession, lol.

If any of you don’t know why I chose “sweetheart” as Sans' preferred nickname for Chara, then don’t worry about it. For those of you who do, I respect you for being an early bird in the fandom like myself.

Yes, in this AU, boss monsters do have a sixth “danger sense”, which warns them of incoming danger.

Yes, Sans' teeth are sharp, that’s how he drew blood.

Sans bit Chara instead of kissing because he doesn’t have lips, so lightly biting is his equivalent of kissing.

Also, Rick, shithead1 and shithead2 (the would be assassins) aren’t OCs, they’re just here for the plot point.

Next Chapter

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[the-insomniac-emporium]

Tag Game Thing

ayyyye another one (but not one from when I was drifting in the timeless void of Conceptually Tuesday), got tagged by @chthonicsiren , gonna tag @melthedwarf because I can >:) (edit: tagged the wrong person first cuz tumblr autofilled the url, sorry!)

1: Are you named after anyone? Yes! My birth name/not-quite-deadname is a tribute to my ma's maiden name. Without saying what either are, I'll just say that her maiden name followed a patronymic format (ex: Johnson), and my birth name is one of the feminine variants/related named (ex: Johanna?). My chosen name, Jordan Van Daalen, is a fun one! My friend and I were in drama class together, and were paired up for an assignment where we had to write a short script (we were given random phrases to start and end the scene with). We're both Huge Fucking Nerds, so we went Overboard, basically fleshing out both of our characters (and then we napped on each other). Jordan Van Daalen was what a random name generator gave me for my character. Less than a year later I realized I am some sort of non-binary, and decided to use that lil name as my future name, as well as eventual pen name :D

2: When was the last time you cried? Uh. Okay, so, like... sometimes when I'm really tired but can't sleep, I'll start improvising a little song? Just, like, whisper singing to myself? And it usually ends up being an emotional ballad about old traumas (or, you know, stuff from whatever media I've been binging)? also when I yawn my eyes water a tiny bit? so what I'm saying is that every time I can't sleep and end up singing dumb little songs, I end up crying. how often does that happen, you ask? well, buddy, I picked this url for a good reason. (it was probably yesterday)

3:Do you have kids? Does being the oldest in the friend group (and also being the dad friend) count? because I am the Father of some of these gremlins. no? oh. well, I am going to an auncle/ent soon, so that's close enough :D

4: Do you use sarcasm a lot? Depends on my mood? I'm less sarcastic than my brother, but definitely more sarcastic than either of my parents. I know that means nothing to any of you, but hey, that's my answer.

5: What's the first thing you notice about people? Uhhhhhhh if they give off gay vibes asdfghjkl; Honestly it varies, which I feel like is a given? I look for things that stand out- colored hair, piercings, if they have any jewelry, etc.

6: What color are your eyes? Okay, well, my ID says hazel, I used to describe it as "hazel green/green hazel", and I think a poet might describe my eyes as something like "sea foam green around sandy brown". However, a Certified Dick could just as easily call my eyes "snot green with a pinch of yellow". Could also just shrug and go "muddy green?". except in some lightings the "green" part seems like it might be vaguely blue, and I have been slowly driving myself insane trying to figure out a consistent color palette I can use when drawing self portraits/inserts because I can't get a decent pic of my eye to use a reference and I'm too awkward to ask someone (with less shaky hands) to do it for me. anyway, I spent ten minutes drawing what is arguably the best attempt I've ever made at making an accurate portrayal of my eye color:

7: Scary movies or happy endings? Generally speaking I prefer happy endings, but it feels weird to separate that from scary movies. However, I don't tend to watch many genuinely scary movies? I like horror comedies. I also very much enjoy watching shitty/low quality horror movies and roasting the fuck out of 'em. Humor is part of how I cope with actual scary movies/games too, though. That and pretending to try and scare the monsters :3 running through the scary dark hallway going "a-boogily-boogily-boo!" and rapidly snapping the camera from side to side like I'm jumping out at people. the monster goes rawr? I SAY IT LOUDER

8: Any special talents? I mean, I think most folks who follow me on here know that I've got a bit of talent in several types of art/creativity (music and writing are probably my big two)? But I can also beatbox a little, my arms are weirdly flexible (possible double-jointed at the shoulders?), and I am surprisingly good at picking things up/throwing them with my feet. That last one is 50% for throwing dog toys and 50% for picking up small things I dropped when I don't want to bend over. Weird? Yes. A talent? Probably not.

9: Where were you born? I think I was born in Seattle, WA, USA. It was definitely in the Seattle area, it just might have technically been a neighboring city.

10: What are your hobbies? Other than the aforementioned artsy shit, I play a lot of video games, in a variety of genres. My favorites are probably the Mass Effect series, Fallout: New Vegas, Persona 5: Royal, Horizon: Zero Dawn, and Spider-Man PS4. I need you to know how difficult it was for me to not list over a dozen games. Please understand. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD GAMES FUCK. Also, idk if it super counts as a hobby in other people's minds, but I love LEGOs! My room is filled with them :D

11: Have you any pets? None that are, like, fully legally mine. My household has a dog, Bella, but I am unfortunately her least favorite. She loves letting me give her chin scritches first thing in the morning though :')

12: What sports do you play/have you played? KENDO, BITCHES. GET SMACKED WITH BAMBOO

13: How tall are you? Soooooo tall. Massive. Giant. A true, genuine image of a Viking Warrior.. ... ..... in other words I'm 5 feet and 3.5 inches. the .5 is incredibly important to me. On a good day with boots I can almost pass off as 5'5" tho, soooooo. I'm also built like a shit brickhouse (yes I know that's not the correct saying), so at least tall people can't throw me (I throw them)

14: Favorite subject in school? Three-way tie between English/Language Arts, Drama/Theatre, and Art class!

15: Dream job? Writer, artist, all around generally a Professional Nuisance. Maybe taking the place of a forgotten, half-dead God at a lonely shrine, slowly restoring it until it's something worth remembering, eagerly having unforgettable conversations with the rare passerby, never gaining enough fame or worship to have any real power over the world. Just enough to be a face that lingers in your memories, in your dreams, the little voice you hear when you need it most.

[seitmai]

I'm obsessed with this chapter and therefore have A LOT to say lol

"A Nugget," Bradley replied with a nod, his voice shaking slightly with emotion. Rose was naked and crying, and your husband had the softest look you'd ever seen on his face. His excitement to become a father made your entire pregnancy easier, because you didn't feel alone. He'd been worshipping your body and writing in the notebook for months, promising you he was ready for this. And now, as the nurse approached both of you with your daughter, it was his time to get exactly what he wanted.

The Nugget is here 🥰😍

"She's so small," you marveled as she puckered her lips and rubbed her face against you. When you met Bradley's gaze, he was still kneeling next to the bed with the sappiest, lovesick smile on his face.

He is done for🥹

When the nurse walked away, Bradley leaned down to kiss your forehead. "Don't worry," he murmured, running his nose along your cheek, "if you've got any issues, I'm actually something of a lactation specialist myself."

He really said it 😂

You couldn't help but laugh as he let his hand come to rest on top of yours where you were holding Rose in place. "You did this, Sweetheart," he whispered, clearly already entranced by his daughter. "You made my life better than my wildest dreams."

His biggest dream being a dad is the cutest thing ever 😭🥰

"Close your eyes," Bradley whispered next to your ear. "I'll watch over both of you. I won't go anywhere."

🥹🥹🥹

Bradley laughed. "Well, she has the snacking thing down already. Can't keep her away from your tits for more than an hour or two." He kissed her soft skin again. "Just like your old man."

He did it again, he really can't help himself 😂

She yawned and curled up, wrapping her fingers in his bit of chest hair. He'd taken his undershirt off, wanting to try the skin to skin thing for himself, and that's when he realized just how relaxing it was. This must have been why you fell asleep so easily earlier with Rose on your chest. She was like a heating pad. Or a little blanket that smelled sweet.

Having a baby layin on your chest being super realxinf and making you sleepy is exac what my dad has said about me as a baby and I see it with my uncle and his grandchild, this truly seems like a universal and wholesome thing 🥰

"No, I've been holding her. Why would I put her down?"

He's so serious about it, like what a dumb question 😅

"I took care of it," he replied softly, walking around and bobbing a little bit so she would stay asleep. "Bickel has been texted. Your parents have been, too. Jake and Nat and the others all know I'm the proudest dad in the world. I took a bunch of pictures on your phone, and now it's charging by the window. I've got this. Just relax."

Yes!!! This!!!

"Just checking to see if you need anything," one of them said, eyes trailing down to where his flight suit was bunched up around his hips. At least the second nurse was attaching the blood pressure cuff to your arm as she stared at him.  "My wife probably wants breakfast," he mused. "Do you have any little packets of hot sauce? I forgot to pack some in the overnight bags."

I see what you are doing Bradley! Using the ogling nurses for your wife's gain, as it should be. I respect that 🫡

"She's adorable," you crooned. "Even her crying sounds kind of cute." "I didn't want to say anything before," Bradley said, almost relieved, "but it's a very cute cry." 

Rosie has wrapped them around her tiny little fingers already 😌

He took a few enormous bites of the bacon, eggs and pancakes, realizing he was running on pure adrenaline and about to crash if he didn't get something in his stomach. Then he loaded up the fork with eggs dipped in hot sauce and carefully fed it to you, cupping his hand over Rose's head so he didn't make a mess while she enjoyed her own breakfast.

He needs to fuel up, so he can never put her in the bassinet ever 😅

The bead of milk forming on your nipple was highly distracting, and Bradley grunted as he watched you feed her until she was full and drowsy again. He wanted to ask you if you'd let him taste you again when he got the three of you home, but your parents called while you were finishing your pancakes.

Definitely seems like Bradley and Rosie have some similarities😅

"Just like my wife," Bradley remarked, and your mom swooned a little bit more.

I mean, how can you not swoon at that

He stared at her and snuggled Rose a little tighter. "No, I'm fine." He couldn't fathom that anyone would want to put their newborn in one of those bassinets and send them to the nursery. He could sit here with her all day.

And he is determined to do exactly that

"Really?" Bradley asked, suddenly intrigued. "Could they teach me how to do the burrito wrap?" "Do not put hot sauce on our child," you said, tossing your hospital gown aside and standing there naked.

This was legit my first thought when I read the baby burrito wrapping thing 😅

Bradley reached for your hand, and you let him have it. "I'm going to turn our child into a burrito." "Please put a shirt on first. It's really too much, Roo." You smirked before ducking into the bathroom. 

He and the nurses would probably love it if he stayed shirtless for the baby wrapping session, he wants to go full on DILF mode 😂

"Can you make sure I do it right?" he asked the nurse. "I want to impress the hell out of my wife."She smiled and carefully unwrapped the baby so he could try. Rose stretched her fist up toward the light and smiled when he ran his fingers along her cheek.

🥹🥹🥹

"Yeah," he replied, grinning. He paused before adding, "She was born less than twelve hours ago, but it feels like she's been around since I first learned about her. Been getting excited since July." He tucked the end of the blanket in and patted her. "Looks just like a burrito." Bradley looked around at his surroundings. The room was cozy and clean, but he shook his head as he picked Rose up again. "Nah. I just can't seem to put her down for more than a minute or two," he replied, kissing her nose before she yawned again. "You'll be a good dad."

When she asked if Rose is his first she already knew and it's so clear that he will be a good dad, just by those few sentences she knew it and she has probably seen more new dads than anyone 🥰

"Well, this one wouldn't take no for an answer," he replied with a bit of an eye roll. He had Rose pressed against his chest with one big hand, and he opened the door to reveal Nat holding an enormous bouquet of colorful roses.

Obviously she wouldn't take no for an answer, but how could you say no to Nat from the beginning?

"Oh my god," she gasped, tossing the flowers onto the foot of the bed as soon as she saw the baby. "She's really here. You're really parents!"

Tha baby in their arms makes it real real🥰

Nat's dark eyes went wide and then welled up with tears as she ran into the bathroom. Bradley leaned down to give you a kiss. "Thanks," he murmured. "I wanted it to be her, too," you insisted. "I mean, look how excited she is."

🥹🥰🥹🥰

Nat ran back out of the bathroom, gave you a kiss on the cheek, and then plopped down on the couch. "Please?" she asked, making grabby hands at Bradley and Rose.

She is so ready to be the best and most supportive godmother ever 🥰

His heavy hand rested on the tie of your robe as you whispered, "I think that's a great idea." Three seconds later, he was snoring softly. He'd been awake for thirty-six hours, and he was the only one who seemed unable to admit that he was exhausted. But he was as entranced by your newborn as you were, and you didn't want to tell him he should put her down and rest when he was having the time of his life. 

🥹🥹🥹

"Bradley hasn't set her down for more than twenty minutes since she was born, and even then it was just so I could feed her or have a chance to hold her myself." "Sounds like you got your dad wrapped around your tiny fingers already."

100% accurate

She put her down as carefully as you would have yourself, then she rolled the cart over until it was right next to the bed. "Call me if you need anything once you get home. Groceries, someone to walk Tramp, a break from the baby, anything." "Thanks, Nat," you said over Bradley's snores. "I take godmothering very seriously."

She really does!! She is already one of the best at her job, leave it to Nat to be in the top 1% of godmothers 🫡

"You were exhausted, Bradley." "But I missed out on hours with the Nugget." "But now she's about to go for her first ride in the Bronco. This is even more exciting." "I still can't believe you tricked me into sleeping all night."

He's so upset, it's really cute and hilarious 😅 but he better gets in some hours of sleep, those are gonna be limited over the next few weeks/months/years

"This says we have to take Rose to the pediatrician within the next week. And there's a bunch of information on how we need to place her in her crib at bedtime. And we can't have sex for six weeks while I heal." You were met with a few seconds of dead silence as you watched Bradley's face go pale in the rearview mirror. "Oh." You pressed your lips together so you didn't snort. "Is that going to be a problem for you?" Once more, silence. He cleared his throat. "Of course not." More silence. "But you can't seriously think that medical professionals expect me to live with you and not want to fuck you? Like, that's not accurate."

I know he doesn't intend it in a mean or hurtful way, but damn Bradley those moments of silence? 😬😬😬 but good save (?) With the explanation that the doctor just don't know how hot she is and therfore 6 weeks are gonna be torture 😅

Aim for the Sky Part 16 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley never imagined he'd get to have even one all encompassing love of his life, let alone two. But he could barely put Rose down for more than a minute, already wrapped around her tiny fingers. He couldn't wait to take both of you home.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, adult language, lactation kink, swearing, DILF Roo

Length: 3800 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

Aim for the Sky masterlist. This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order.

Exhaustion washed over you like a wave as soon as your daughter was born. The pain started to subside only to be replaced by a bone deep desire to close your eyes and not open them again for a very long time. You were sweaty and damp everywhere, and your head felt fuzzy. But as soon as you heard your daughter start to cry, it felt like a jolt of adrenaline hit your nerves.

The sound of Rose wailing made you smile even as tears streaked down your cheeks, and Dr. Morris said, "Congratulations. A perfect little girl. Time of birth, 1:02 a.m. on March twenty-second." She was officially here.

Your husband's smile matched your own as he whispered, "That's our perfect little girl, Sweetheart."

"It's Rosie," you sobbed, and Bradley kissed your lips while you tried to catch your breath. The nurses were weighing and measuring Rose, and you wanted to hold her, but your arms felt so heavy, you weren't sure you would be able to. But you were just in awe of her. "We have a daughter."

"A Nugget," Bradley replied with a nod, his voice shaking slightly with emotion. Rose was naked and crying, and your husband had the softest look you'd ever seen on his face. His excitement to become a father made your entire pregnancy easier, because you didn't feel alone. He'd been worshipping your body and writing in the notebook for months, promising you he was ready for this. And now, as the nurse approached both of you with your daughter, it was his time to get exactly what he wanted.

"You hold her first, Daddy," you whispered, and he was instantly reaching out to take her. She looked perfect in his arms.

"Oh my god. Look at her," he gasped as she tried to snuggle against him.

"She really is perfect," you whispered, and he nodded as he watched her yawn with a big smile on his face.

"Rose Carole Bradshaw," he said, voice deep with emotion as he carefully placed her in your arms. "We already love you so much."

You gasped as the weight of your child pressed against you, and Bradley ran his fingers along her fuzzy hair as one of the nurses started to untie your gown and open it. "Try some skin to skin contact with the baby," she said softly, wiping Rose clean as she curled up against your bare chest.

Your hand came to rest on her back, and you weren't even surprised to find your vision was blurry again. "She's so small," you marveled as she puckered her lips and rubbed her face against you. When you met Bradley's gaze, he was still kneeling next to the bed with the sappiest, lovesick smile on his face.

"She looks like you," he whispered, tracing her tiny shoulder with his index finger. "God, she's so cute."

You looked up at the nurse, realizing you were going to be leaving the hospital in the next day or two, at which point you and Bradley would be completely on your own. Your nipples were leaking like crazy at the moment as Rose let out a soft cry. "Is she hungry? How do I know if she's hungry? Am I supposed to just like put her on my boob?"

Bradley grunted in response, his finger trailing up Rose's arm. He probably thought he was in for a treat hours ago when your water broke, but now he was cracking his back and trying to stand, wincing as he stretched. Luckily the nurse had mercy on you and helped you get Rose into position while Bradley leaned on the bed next to you.

"If she's hungry, she might latch right on. If she doesn't seem to be getting the hang of it, you can talk to a lactation specialist in a few hours."

But you didn't think that would be an issue. Your daughter seemed hungry and also seemed to know what she needed to do in order to be fed. "Oh!" you gasped at the feel of her. It was foreign but not unpleasant, and really nothing you'd ever seen before was as adorable as your own baby. Her little fingers were curled into a fist which was resting on your chest as she ate.

When the nurse walked away, Bradley leaned down to kiss your forehead. "Don't worry," he murmured, running his nose along your cheek, "if you've got any issues, I'm actually something of a lactation specialist myself." You couldn't help but laugh as he let his hand come to rest on top of yours where you were holding Rose in place. "You did this, Sweetheart," he whispered, clearly already entranced by his daughter. "You made my life better than my wildest dreams."

You wanted to argue and tell him that you did it together, but Rose seemed to be getting tired which was making you tired. Her tiny yawn was too cute for words, and now her nose was pressed into the side of your boob as she made herself comfortable.

"Close your eyes," Bradley whispered next to your ear. "I'll watch over both of you. I won't go anywhere."

Within minutes, you fell asleep in the hospital bed, mostly naked with your daughter occasionally wriggling against your chest and your husband's hand in yours.

--------------------------------

"You're something else," Bradley murmured with a chuckle. You dozed off and on for the rest of the night while he held Rose, handing her over each time she got fussy, looking for something to fill her belly. "But you're just so damn cute."

"Don't swear in front of the baby," you murmured as you curled up on your side, watching him. "I don't want her to have all of your bad habits."

As if you couldn't teach a class on Creative Cursing, especially considering the things you said when you were in labor. Bradley kissed Rose's tiny fist and said, "Mommy doesn't know what she's talking about about. I don't have any bad habits."

"Okay," you said a bit sarcastically. "Then what would you consider a potty mouth? And snacking all day long?"

Bradley laughed. "Well, she has the snacking thing down already. Can't keep her away from your tits for more than an hour or two." He kissed her soft skin again. "Just like your old man."

She yawned and curled up, wrapping her fingers in his bit of chest hair. He'd taken his undershirt off, wanting to try the skin to skin thing for himself, and that's when he realized just how relaxing it was. This must have been why you fell asleep so easily earlier with Rose on your chest. She was like a heating pad. Or a little blanket that smelled sweet.

"Has she been in her bassinet at all?" you asked. 

Bradley looked at the metal cart on wheels with the bassinet on top of it and shook his head. The thing looked cold and uncomfortable, nothing like the crib waiting for her at home. But he smiled when he read the card that had been placed in the side of it. 

Rose Carole Bradshaw

Born: March 22nd, 01:02

Length: 19 inches

Weight: 6 pounds, 14 ounces

"No, I've been holding her. Why would I put her down?"

You and Rose yawned in unison. "So you can change out of your flight suit and get some rest."

The fabric was rough, but the sleeves were tucked out of the way; he wouldn't make his perfect little girl touch anything that wasn't soft. "I'm fine," he promised, his boot squeaking on the floor as he adjusted his foot. He carefully stood with Rose held firmly against his chest and murmured, "You didn't even give Daddy a chance to get changed after work. You were too excited to stay put any longer."

"Work," you gasped, looking around the room. "Where's my phone? Did I leave it at home? I need to tell Bickel I won't be at work. Oh my god, I need to call my parents!"

"I took care of it," he replied softly, walking around and bobbing a little bit so she would stay asleep. "Bickel has been texted. Your parents have been, too. Jake and Nat and the others all know I'm the proudest dad in the world. I took a bunch of pictures on your phone, and now it's charging by the window. I've got this. Just relax."

That's when two of the younger, female nurses walked in again. The ones who seemed to gawk at him whenever he greeted them. Bradley nodded in their direction while he unplugged your phone with one hand and held Rose with the other.

"Just checking to see if you need anything," one of them said, eyes trailing down to where his flight suit was bunched up around his hips. At least the second nurse was attaching the blood pressure cuff to your arm as she stared at him. 

"My wife probably wants breakfast," he mused. "Do you have any little packets of hot sauce? I forgot to pack some in the overnight bags."

"I'll take care of it," the first nurse said, almost running from the room before she even asked what you wanted to eat. When they were both gone, you laughed at Bradley as you stretched and got out of bed. 

"They can't handle how hot you look," you told him, walking around carefully. You'd obviously be sore for a few days, and he didn't want you lifting a finger for a single damn thing. But as you made your way toward him with a smile on your face, his heart beat a little faster. 

"I can't handle how hot you look," he murmured, still bouncing slightly in place as Rose snoozed.

You glared at him. "I just delivered a baby like seven hours ago. I look gross. I smell disgusting."

"You're perfect."

He collected you against his side and watched as you leaned in close until your nose barely touched Rose's, and a smile found your lips. "How did we make something so cute?" you whispered, hand coming to rest on Bradley's bare abs. "I can't stop looking at her."

"Right? I mean, my god, Sweetheart... I'm never going to be able to put her down."

You rubbed his flat tummy and whispered, "Look, she's waking up. I want a turn," as you tried to reach for her. Rose immediately started crying, and Bradley laughed.

"Better get your tits ready. She's hungry."

Of course the nurse showed up just in time to hear that and see those beautiful tits as you settled on the small sofa with Rose. The baby calmed down again immediately when she realized you were going to feed her, and Bradley collected the enormous breakfast platter with a smile as the nurse stared at his bare chest.

"Thanks," he murmured when he saw the tiny bottles of hot sauce. "My wife loves hot sauce."

The nurse looked at you a bit wistfully as she turned to leave again, but you were completely absorbed with Rose. "She's adorable," you crooned. "Even her crying sounds kind of cute."

"I didn't want to say anything before," Bradley said, almost relieved, "but it's a very cute cry." 

He took a few enormous bites of the bacon, eggs and pancakes, realizing he was running on pure adrenaline and about to crash if he didn't get something in his stomach. Then he loaded up the fork with eggs dipped in hot sauce and carefully fed it to you, cupping his hand over Rose's head so he didn't make a mess while she enjoyed her own breakfast.

The bead of milk forming on your nipple was highly distracting, and Bradley grunted as he watched you feed her until she was full and drowsy again. He wanted to ask you if you'd let him taste you again when he got the three of you home, but your parents called while you were finishing your pancakes. When he switched the call over to facetime, both of your parents started crying.

"Rose! She's beautiful," your mom said, wiping at her eyes with a tissue.

"How's everyone doing?" your dad asked, leaning in closer to get a better look at their granddaughter asleep in a onesie in Bradley's arms.

You started to tell him that you were feeling pretty good when your mom cut you off. "When can we come out to San Diego? Tomorrow? Next week? I need to hold that little girl in person as soon as possible."

Bradley chuckled while you sighed. "Mom, just let us get settled at home with Tramp for a day or two, okay? And then we can decide?"

She nodded, but it didn't seem like she was listening as her head tilted to the side with a sigh. "She's just perfect, isn't she?"

"Just like my wife," Bradley remarked, and your mom swooned a little bit more.

You spent the next five minutes trying to get them to end the call before you promised to send dozens of photos throughout the day, but it wasn't until Dr. Morris arrived that they actually agreed to go.

"You gave us a bit of a scare with your blood pressure," your doctor remarked, checking it one more time for herself. While she did so, she looked at Bradley and said, "You can send the baby down to the nursery for a bit if you need a break."

He stared at her and snuggled Rose a little tighter. "No, I'm fine." He couldn't fathom that anyone would want to put their newborn in one of those bassinets and send them to the nursery. He could sit here with her all day.

"How is my blood pressure now?" you asked as Bradley kissed the top of Rose's head over and over again while she slept.

"Much better," she promised, and Bradley let out the breath he wasn't really aware he had been holding. "I'll probably send you home tomorrow morning, but I'll leave some information with you now that you can start reading." She turned toward Bradley as she handed you a folder and added, "The nurses in the nursery are there specifically so you can get some rest. And they know how to wrap the babies up in their receiving blankets like tiny burritos."

"Really?" Bradley asked, suddenly intrigued. "Could they teach me how to do the burrito wrap?"

"I'm certain they could," she said with a smile before leaving.

"Do not put hot sauce on our child," you said, tossing your hospital gown aside and standing there naked. It was strange to see your belly this way as he held the child in question. You were somewhere between your normal state and your fully pregnant state, and it was just something he would have to get used to seeing. "I'm going to take a shower."

Bradley reached for your hand, and you let him have it. "I'm going to turn our child into a burrito."

"Please put a shirt on first. It's really too much, Roo." You smirked before ducking into the bathroom. 

Very, extremely begrudgingly, Bradley set Rose down in the uncomfortable looking bassinet for the very first time while he dug around in his overnight bag for a shirt. Then he carefully rolled her to the nursery where one of the nurses wrapped Rose up into a very soft pink and blue blanket. It was striped and reminded him of the Nugget notebook, and she looked snug and sleepy in it.

"Can you make sure I do it right?" he asked the nurse. "I want to impress the hell out of my wife."

She smiled and carefully unwrapped the baby so he could try. Rose stretched her fist up toward the light and smiled when he ran his fingers along her cheek. "She's your first?" the nurse asked him while he got to work.

"Yeah," he replied, grinning. He paused before adding, "She was born less than twelve hours ago, but it feels like she's been around since I first learned about her. Been getting excited since July." He tucked the end of the blanket in and patted her. "Looks just like a burrito."

The nurse laughed. "It's called a swaddle, and you're very good at it. Do you want to leave her in the nursery for a little while so you can get some rest?"

Bradley looked around at his surroundings. The room was cozy and clean, but he shook his head as he picked Rose up again. "Nah. I just can't seem to put her down for more than a minute or two," he replied, kissing her nose before she yawned again.

"You'll be a good dad."

--------------------------------

You lounged around in the hospital room in the robe you got from Nat, feeding Rose whenever she started to cry for you. Bradley was never too far away, opting to hold her as much as possible. As afternoon turned into evening, he eyed you up and down and said, "Do you want to put on some real clothes from your overnight bag?"

"Why?" Then there was a soft knock at the door, and you sat up in the bed. "I thought we said we'd wait until we got home to have visitors?"

"Well, this one wouldn't take no for an answer," he replied with a bit of an eye roll. He had Rose pressed against his chest with one big hand, and he opened the door to reveal Nat holding an enormous bouquet of colorful roses.

"Oh my god," she gasped, tossing the flowers onto the foot of the bed as soon as she saw the baby. "She's really here. You're really parents!"

Bradley held up his palm and said, "Go wash your germy hands," as soon as his best friend reached for the baby.

"Roo," you scolded with a smile. "Ask her nicely. She's Rosie's godmother."

Nat's dark eyes went wide and then welled up with tears as she ran into the bathroom. Bradley leaned down to give you a kiss. "Thanks," he murmured.

"I wanted it to be her, too," you insisted. "I mean, look how excited she is."

Nat ran back out of the bathroom, gave you a kiss on the cheek, and then plopped down on the couch. "Please?" she asked, making grabby hands at Bradley and Rose.

After he handed her over, your husband finally took the time to take off his boots, and he went into the bathroom to replace his flight suit with a pair of gym shorts. Then he climbed into the bed with you and murmured, "I'll just rest for a few minutes while Nat's holding her."

His heavy hand rested on the tie of your robe as you whispered, "I think that's a great idea." Three seconds later, he was snoring softly. He'd been awake for thirty-six hours, and he was the only one who seemed unable to admit that he was exhausted. But he was as entranced by your newborn as you were, and you didn't want to tell him he should put her down and rest when he was having the time of his life. 

You ran your fingers through his messy hair as Nat cooed softly at Rose. "You are adorable," she said before looking up at you. "Seriously, she's so cute."

"Bradley hasn't set her down for more than twenty minutes since she was born, and even then it was just so I could feed her or have a chance to hold her myself."

"Sounds like you got your dad wrapped around your tiny fingers already."

"She really does," you replied softly, tracing the scars on Bradley's cheek while he slept. You didn't rush Nat out of the room, and she didn't seem to want to leave. When Rose started fussing, she handed her over to you so you could feed her, and Bradley continued to snore. Once her belly was full, Nat walked her around until she burped, and soon she was yawning again.

"Should I just set her in the bassinet so everyone can sleep for a bit?" Nat whispered.

"Please."

She put her down as carefully as you would have yourself, then she rolled the cart over until it was right next to the bed. "Call me if you need anything once you get home. Groceries, someone to walk Tramp, a break from the baby, anything."

"Thanks, Nat," you said over Bradley's snores.

"I take godmothering very seriously."

---------------------------------

"I still can't believe you tricked me into sleeping all night."

"You were exhausted, Bradley."

"But I missed out on hours with the Nugget."

"But now she's about to go for her first ride in the Bronco. This is even more exciting."

Bradley was still pouting a bit as he drove the three of you home in his vintage Bronco the next morning, going about fifteen miles per hour. He'd never driven this slowly before in his life that you knew of, and you were getting impatient in the backseat with Rosie. She had her fingers wrapped around your thumb while you read through your discharge paperwork from Dr. Morris.

"This says we have to take Rose to the pediatrician within the next week. And there's a bunch of information on how we need to place her in her crib at bedtime. And we can't have sex for six weeks while I heal."

You were met with a few seconds of dead silence as you watched Bradley's face go pale in the rearview mirror. "Oh."

You pressed your lips together so you didn't snort. "Is that going to be a problem for you?"

Once more, silence. He cleared his throat. "Of course not." More silence. "But you can't seriously think that medical professionals expect me to live with you and not want to fuck you? Like, that's not accurate."

You laughed as Rose stared back at you from her car seat. "It's not like I'm going to leave you hanging, Roo." But you honestly didn't know how you were expected to get your husband going when your body looked like it had been weirdly deflated. And when you were this tired. And when you had to take care of your baby without the help of a full staff of nurses. 

Bradley coasted carefully into the driveway and parked next to the red Bronco. In an instant, he had the back door open and was helping you down. He kissed you hard on the lips. "You never leave me hanging. Ever. But I'm not concerned about that right now." You wrapped your arms around his neck, and his lips ended up teasing your ear as he said, "Let's get Rosie inside. I've been dreaming about showing her around her nursery for months."

--------------------------

We have a Rosie. We have a DILF. We have a MILF. We have a godmother. We just need a godfather. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

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[velvetporcelain]

making the hole 🕳️ much deeper 🐇

Disgruntled gym boyfriend left me bothered today. i tell the man he will never fuck me and all of the sudden i am the most evil woman. 😂 — man but I can kinda feel the heat coming from him— am I visible vapor of hunger for me—- he thought he was in- he thought because i told him a few truths about me that he was getting somewhere.

he bought me diamond earrings from New York— but too bad the receipt was in the bag because he WANTED me to know how much he spent — i laughed maliciously while twisting in my new diamond earrings. — what can i say? I’m evil and he’s a fool— but i knew i had to reiterate my boundaries, one that i have given him many times before——— no physical sex— and i say that specifically because I don’t mind him talking to me about his fantasies— that’s the experimental part of me— he is now my patient. — he is unhappy with my current care, and I do not care. he is nothing to me but he is a human being with feelings. I must say that maybe I have tempted him and strung him along a bit —- but hey he’s a grown ass man and he definitely did it to himself, he practically asked for it. — but I am not worried —— he will be back— he will be reunited with his “pre-encounter” mind - and he will either have the mental discipline to detach or he will be weak for me and lower his expectations and come back. — that is completely made up 😂

—- maybe I am a bit narcissistic and naive— bad combination— but I myself cannot sit comfortably in an idle mind, which defeats any type of purpose I have— the idle mind is fuel to creation— but are you creating chaos or commitment? why aren’t you devoted to yourself like you long to be devoted to someone else??? what are you hoping for? That they make up for the devotion you lack for yourself? you want to feel cared for but can’t even care for your damn self? —— i don’t want the responsibility of a man being in love with me- — however, i can only learn by experiencing it and taking back the information to enrich my marriage— like a guide of how i can easily state my needs. yes, I don’t know if this makes sense, or if it makes sin. — but doesn’t matter because i need to get the fuck over this dumb fuck— he has ruined my energy and I think I’m going to have to move my time to the afternoon maybe, I don’t want it— I’m there to take care of me and I really don’t give a fuck about how you feel for me— If there is one thing I should be getting is a free fucking membership because I have probably boosted gym attendance!!! how narrow of me 😂 —— anyways I’m just gonna shake this shit off, it means nothing to me.

——- but he fucking cried, in person, in front of me, like I saved him for dying and I made him feel living—— like — ouch. it was something that I have never seen, or experienced. I can literally say I have made a grown man cry. slay.

thank you for not reading this. thank you for following me, this is literally the only place where I feel truly me— electronically, technologically at least.

-x

[noctuanana]

Maybe it’s time for me to accept that this will always be an open ending. That my naivety got the best of me again. We live in a world where oftentimes purity is seen as such a blessing. But I think that’s only because of people’s desire to capture and deform it.

I think about it all the time. What have I done wrong to deserve this constant sense of shame and solitude? It’s followed me since I was a child. This strange guilt. The feeling of being so out of place yet with no where else to be in. Far removed from my surroundings.

But I know that most my life consists of the choices I’ve made. The rest is just dumb luck or the lack there of. I guess I’ve been choosing wrong. And I’ll be forever searching for something I’ll never find.

I don’t usually see the bad in people. I take pinky swears seriously and remember details vividly. But I’m easily fooled. In many ways I still feel like a child. At the same time, I feel responsible enough to treat others with the kindness they deserve. And do what I can, to the best of my abilities, give them closure.

I’ve been trying to solve my problems as they come to stop things from pilling up. And I’m doing a lot better than I was before. Barely any panic attacks anymore, don’t know where I’d be without my psychologist and psychiatrist. I’ve been looking after myself spiritually too, and connecting to people who share this with me.

There’s so much beauty and truth in community. Being able to talk to your loved ones about how you feel. I’ve been trying not to isolate myself, and to let those who choose to stay. I decided to believe they want to be here when they tell me so. There is no glory in suffering or enduring pain alone. Soon enough you’ll be making playlists and joking about with your friends just like I have.

But as of today, hugging boys still makes me cry. And you know, I just have to accept that for now. I grew a lot, despite that, and I know I deserve more than silence. I keep thinking about what I might’ve done wrong to push you this far away. Especially when I had never felt more like myself than when we met. But I realise it’s not my fault. I was just being honest. Not perfect but true.

I hope you know I understand you don’t feel the same. I just wish you hadn’t lied to me. I didn’t deserve it. And you didn’t need to go through the trouble of doing that. So now, by the laws of the universe, I get to break your pinky finger. A finger for a heart seems almost fair. But I still hope it wouldn’t hurt. I’d never want to see you hurt. I forgave you the moment you left without saying goodbye. It’s a shame though, I really thought we could’ve been good friends.

All that’s left is to wait for this feeling to pass. And it will, if my prayers are heard. The bad parts, at least. I’ll keep the good memories if you don’t mind. And if our paths never cross again, I hope you live well. My soul will be rooting for yours always.