#old dog yells at cloud

[catbountry]

Kill. Murder. Rape. Suicide. Pedophile. Nazi. Hitler. Covid. Dead. Death.

When's the last time you watched a YouTube video or a TikTok video where some or even all of these words were censored, either by being bleeped out like what used to be reserved solely for swear words, or having sound-alike stand-ins (sewer slide, PDF File) or euphemisms (unalive)?

I'm not sure exactly where "unalive" came from, but I want to say it was in a similar batch of Roblox screencaps of children trying to creatively get past wordfilters by telling people to "go commit die." And I guess Fortnite played a role as well. Apparently "game-end" is attributed to a short film covered by Pyrocynical which was made to be family friendly, but I swear I have this memory of official Epic Games promo material using the term and I don't know if this real or not. I don't play Fortnite and I never will, so this was not considered important enough to really properly commit it to memory.

EDIT: It came from a Spider-man cartoon where Deadpool used it in an incredibly in-character way. Thanks, Guy I'm Going to Reference Later in this Post.

It's an incredibly childish word. It seems like it was one that used to be used ironically until TikTok, being owned by a Chinese company where censorship laws are much stricter than here in the U.S., decided that words like "dead" and "death" and even "hole" were too dangerous or something, causing users to start getting creative and adapting these absurd euphemisms and they became so popular that people started using it who weren't even using it as a cheeky way to get around these word filters, on other sites that didn't have these same restrictions.

YouTubers can say the word "death" and "die" and (usually) don't have to worry about demonitization. The self-censoring that I remember starting on this very website, done as a way to either prevent posts being found through search or possibly offending the most sensitive of followers, is now being used by users to get around the restrictions set by giant faceless corporations to protect The Children, whose parents are giving them unrestricted access to the internet at younger and younger ages. I watched a video from an adult YouTuber crying about Newgrounds-style animations that were on YouTube about My Little Pony and about how traumatized he was by these, while also insisting he had good parents.

Good parents would not have let you have unrestricted access to 2012 YouTube unsupervised at age seven. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gotta be the one to tell you this. I'm sure your parents are very nice people, but they could have easily used the internet to find out what kind of stuff was available on the internet. That was an oversight.

I was an adult on the internet in 2012. If I saw a parent just sit their toddler in front of YouTube, I would have asked them what the hell was wrong with them. Now, I see my cousin's children with their iPads watching videos of a faceless person playing with Paw Patrol figures, and I feel uneasy, but a little more hesitant to say something since my cousin seems well aware of the kind of place the internet is, and is always nearby when his kids are watching things. The internet was a constant presence for me in middle and high school, in the late 90's to early 2000's, and I saw some shit I should not have seen. But the trade-off was that I had a space where I could express myself openly, a place my mom didn't care about and wouldn't see. I clicked things I know I shouldn't have because I was a dumb, curious kid, and my mom was happy to not have to deal with me and have me be quiet, I guess. And my cousin is only a little less than two years older than I am, so I imagine our experiences on the early internet weren't that much different, considering he's also a bit of a nerd.

So this YouTuber I linked to earlier aims his ire at the animators, who were making animations for other adult fans of the show (which he acknowledges), for daring to make edgy content of something made for children, holding up this children's media as a sort of sacred cow. For comparison, in middle and high school I was watching crude animations of frogs in blenders, stick figures bashing each other's heads into walls, and torture simulators featuring anyone from Pikachu and Elmo to Osama bin Laden. But because kids like him, kids brought up in the age of web 2.0, found these videos and watched them before their age had hit double-digits, those videos got lots of views from other children. And from that, we got Elsagate and Finger Family, videos that are still around but have mutated from featuring Elsa and Spider-man to now featuring Huggy Wuggy from Poppy's Playtime, or Pomni from The Amazing Digital Circus or Bluey from, uh, Bluey. These aren't edgy animations made for and by teenagers and young adults for a laugh, they're videos presumably made by teams of adults to mass produce and fill with as much shocking, click-baity content that doesn't even require being able to understand English to understand the plot, all to get watch-time to make money. There's no artistic merit to it. It's neither satire, nor is it an earnest expression of love for the source material, the latter of which, whether you like it or not, is where most rule 34 falls. No, these videos have only ever been content slop since this started around 2016. And this shit is still happening.

That same YouTuber has made a video about how we need to stop saying "unalive," which is part of what inspired me to post this at all, and I can't help but feel like this dude takes himself way too goddamn seriously, frowning upon "commit toaster bath" and "late term fetus deletus," which my edgelord, former 4channer millennial brain finds funny (it is too late for me, lads). This dude is in his early 20's and it's really interesting seeing someone discover pretty much things I've known since I was his age, but acting like they're these huge revelations. Like yeah, I've known about media influence on culture since I was in middle school, because of the internet, which was new and unrestricted by the Standards and Practices that shackled old media like radio and television. That used to be something that pretty much everybody on the internet was aware of; it's the reason why we came here in the first place. And you are right that giant corporations are censoring people, but also, the internet being corralled into a small handful of websites makes internet culture more homogenized and disposable. People can still meet life-long friends through the internet, but the sites where I first met some of my best friends are digital ghost towns, if they still exist at all, or they've become overrun with users infected by political brainworms that make them have incredibly strong opinions on a one-off promotional video done by Budweiser with a transgender TikTok influencer. You've got better luck making life-long friends through playing in the same Minecraft server together than you do being mutuals on Instagram or Twitter. And while Discord is the closest thing I've been able to find that replicates the feeling of both forum culture and chatrooms of the past, it's got its own set of problems unique to it. I can just say "Discord kitten" and most people who use Discord will know exactly what I mean.

Whoever decided to stop teaching kids about how to be safe online should probably be shot. Facebook made putting your whole-ass name and face and location on the internet not just normal, but people will find you suspicious if you choose not to do that. God, I fucking hate Facebook so much.

He's right, though, about the social contagion effect of language. This was a concern for me on this website a decade ago, but that was all social pressure. There was no corporate mandate cracking down on people, making them type "st*pid" to get around restrictions. That was all moral peacocking, baby. People did that shit to themselves.

Tumblr nowadays feels more sane, just because those of us left after the porn ban got a couple of years to grow up and chill out. But because of the porn ban, we can only really talk about the effects of it and complain, rather than be able to post our smut openly. Human sexuality expresses itself in some genuinely weird ways; I should know, and you should probably donate to Archive of Our Own to make sure there's a space where these things can be expressed without fear of censorship to protect The Children. But "unalive" is a symptom of a much larger problem, which is to sand off all the edges of the internet to make it marketable; the free market is more than happy to cater to the whims of the CCCP if they think it can make them more money. There's a lot of people in China, after all. The internet has more people on it but they're confined to much smaller spaces. Children don't have their own spaces online, and when they do, they're not as carefully moderated, instead opting for either overworked humans overseas, or dumb robots that just filter certain words and just become an obstacle to maneuver around to tell something to kill themselves with the creativity of someone who's at a sixth-grade reading level. People in their 20's are uncomfortable with nudity and sex scenes in films, perhaps under the assumption that it's always exploitation, that these scenes can't have artistic merit and are solely there to titillate, and given the sort of dumbing down of art thanks to Marvel and Disney, this seems like the only natural result when combined with the trauma of finding things online that you shouldn't have at way too young of an age. I do not like where this is going, and it's really saying something that those brought up in a sex-negative, American puritanical mindset only start paying attention when the censorship is affecting how we talk about death, something we have absolutely no problem with glorifying in our culture.

And if you're wondering why I wrote yet another long-ass essay bemoaning the slow death of internet culture and the Weenie Hut Jr's-fication of younger generations, well, it's because of this screenshot from 4chan.

Now if only they could bully out the tradcaths.

[ratatatastic]

"And to think we went this whole time without knowing these things"

[heywriters]

i swear, i can't even find things on youtube anymore. used to be you heard a song in a trailer, looked up the trailer, and someone in the comments already knew the song. now i look up the trailer and YT only gives me three "what we know" and "easter eggs you missed!" videos and then cuts the results with "people also watched" i don't care what other people watch? i want what i searched for?

[catfcng]

Best boy

[raylangivins]

The human love for pets is so crazy!! This cat from 1938 was loved so much it was memorialised in a photograph, and that love was so honest and relatable that the photograph was kept, and found, and scanned, and shared over decades and decades so that I could see it while scrolling on tumblr. The impact of such a love. Did the cat know it was loved so deeply? Did the owner know their love had such a profound impact? Our Michael ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[makerscockandballs]

new apartment suddenly felt more like a home. I'd like to feel like I belong to the place I inhabit and I think I am getting there...

[dogtccth]

I made a new lil banner set for my pinned post.

[nsfwitchy2]

Decided to take a bath with my aphrodisiac bubble bath and then read the label and saw “pheromone infused” and I’m really hoping I do not. Regret this at work tomorrow.

[willtheweirdrat]

I think I've said this before but it always hilarious to me how people will make lists of "dog whistles and neo-nazi symbols" and it's all just things that they've been using since the 40's. Like I'll go through it and it's stuff like "iron cross", "skull", "lighting bolts" etc. Mate they literally wore it on their chests and hats while marching through cities, you cannot tell me that those symbols are something they made up now, you just didn't pay attention in history class.

[snugcubunny]

Right now it is 9 degrees and feels Like -1 in southern Louisiana 

It has never been so cold in my living memory and I just turned 30 over the weekend (I have this thing where around Birthdays- Mine, others go really wrong for me Hospitals, Accidents ya know but ya know Tiktok and Freezing my Ass off has got to be one of the worse) 

And this house has got to have been built by what feels like the cousin to the the man who made our roadways 

If you know the old saying 

“A drunk man on a mule”

So…

Come up with your own colorful equivalent for a unlicensed drug addled old timey carpenter  

I can hardly get through this my fingers are stinging cold and stiff it feels like my brain goo is freezing over 

Maybe the devil himself built this house then 

Or at least sent those who were in hell sheerly for incompetence up to make sure it stayed standing just enough for its next victims 

Which happened to be us years ago now 

Now I said I'd always been radical but that's in spirit but in mind I hadn't done all the homework yet I was only gods what was it now 

How long have we been trapped here in this hell was I only 23? 

Anyway it's not like we were particularly fond of landlords we knew that much but we were so desperate to get away from our old landlords (note - they were also like Notorious Landlords not like Corporate ™ ones but people who owned a lot , a lot of properties…foreshadowing, patterns- all the fun things) 

and that old hell pit we didn't know much- worse they could get. 

We knew not to trust them but only vaguely 

Those landlords at old apartment were suppose to be nice progressive queer church ladies our friends grew up with 

This one was suppose to be ’family’ 

Now I know that's where I lose a lot of you and I hear you 

Nepotism and also I'm griping when I've got 4 walls during this and some have nothing at all 

I know 

I know the privilege we have 

That's half the story and half what's kept us glued right hold on now we're skipping way ahead 

(At the same time feel what you feel about it fair enough friends and enemies and those in between) 

Where we yes the pit of despair- I mean okay yes fine Nepotism. Landlord Nepotism the worst kind (eh-) 

I can't explain it all because again this is still the only home we have and it is technically some a few walls..and a roof for now not much space and Im sure its very soggy underneath the weather sealing spray paint but I feel some comradery with it still (also I don't have any other options at the moment we’all get to that-) We’re all holding on by our last threads here afterall

Anyway yeah so the landlord

He was marrying Into the family ya know and we were at his cabin and it was Fancy Smancy but still down to earth sort of compared to some and compared to this person's others picks ya know he seemed…charming- (I hadn't tried business school yet and I'm very Autistic I.didn't.know.)

Like don’t get me wrong when he said he had houses for rent we gave each other the simba and Nala like lip curling -Look- but we were desperate to leave our old apartment. It had fleas and rats and yellow YELLOW WALLS EVERYWHERE THAT DROVE ME MAD.

What could be worse than that…

(No one in the building had pets BTW we weren't allowed. It was just a historic building they refused to fix or pay for infestation on when they had like a lady who kept a colony of feral cats like opposite of us. My friend who lived there- their new baby got bit 😭 they left just in time like the ceiling in their unit came down the night they moved out- ) 

So yeah at the time I was so desperate to get out of that situation it felt like I would take ANYTHING else and well

I got anything 

That young 20 year old really couldn't have imagined this world ya know like on a personal scale as well as global despite like the trauma I lived through I guess I thought when you live through abuse you live through The Bottom of the Barrel and like- The World Can't Be Like That it was Just My Abuser 

I know a lot of people take the complete opposite takeaway but despite having tendencies to not want to be on this planet since kindergarten I guess I'm weirdly an optimist even now staring what I'm sure is The End of the World in the Face  - a thread for another day perhaps 

I think if 30 year old me brained me was there - like with the maturity and not the knowledge Id be more cautious- knowing now of course now has seen the depths of cruelty people can keep you in when money is involved especially with How Men Are ™ plus like I'd just in general never give a landlord even a shred of the benefit of doubt or mix family or frankly anyone I couldnt easily sue into a situation where they’re tethered to my safety and freedom ever ever ever again 

 But At the time I was just 23, in the hot pot cher and he was marrying someone who was suppose to care about us- not staying clutch to his wealth and power- call me a girls girl till the day I die I expected some loyalty back ya know #pickmes are as good as #pigs

But Ya can't go back ya know to tell yourself or help yourself so I'm stuck here telling you all with my freezing cold ass fingers so

Imma keeping it moving with my elder internet user wisdom 

If I could go back I'd say 

Just because you came from what seems like worse doesn't mean what seems like better is good 

Theres a lot in my life I messed up not knowing that and Im really lucky about what I managed to keep or salvage in the interim like my partner who I thought had this amazing childhood because their abuse didn't look like mine did and so I undermined it without even knowing

Ya know 

Anyway you're not just an asshole when you do stuff like that you also fuck yourself over by trusting Other Abusers 

Like Me 

Cause then the devil was able to come to me in disguise and do what he does best. He made me a deal and promised me everything I wanted in this house,total control,rent to own, a pretty little strip of land (parties, gardens, community meetings oh my!), even pets and privacy, we'll take care of the rest 

Just

Jump. 

You'll be fine. 

The house is lovely or WILL BE how he's getting it ready ho Hum ho he la da di 

And we are so exhausted from not being able to find a way out of the old place it feels like just finally finding a passage in a fire  (during FINALS no less, I had to take my last one in a toilet in the old space because ontop of every other disaster you'll see there was no internet and I brought a desk but no chair) 

and then I proceed to act like I didn't live through prime MySpace catfish era and don't find it strange how we only get pics but when we ask about seeing things there's weirdly never any of these Enchanting Recreators around right 🤔 

One day though we do get the address and look in and- too close to our move date it seems …More pumpkin than Our Big ticket Out ya know . The yard is lovely sure…the house might actually be smaller than our duplex apartment but thats fine we’re both studying this is just transitory right- 😬

The problems is really that …well I look in and see ugly fake old dinner tiling peeling up when isn't everything getting renovated? He assures us again the he's waving his magic wand the ‘hard stuff is done’ all that's left is the aesthetics it'll all be done before HE GOES OVERSEAS on Vacation (again ) and we move in or or or ‘what's left can happen as we move in-’ 

Even the rotten window ? In less than 5 days okay- 

Okay! I dont like the sound of sharing a tiny space with workers while trying to move furniture in but its okay if the rest of the house will look as nice as that bathroom 🫠 ( Spoilers That bathroom only room they even kind of ‘renovated’ I guess and I'm grateful cause it's the coldest room in the house, the weird fake stone tile are like those whiskey stones but way more effective, same with the tiny countertop) The living rooms floor too (those supposedly were new but I dunno if they were or just shined ..if they are new they were cheap too cause there's spots they're falling through)  and I so so hate the tile in the kitchen I can't wait to see what they do 

/ a Few days later/ 

-Drops bags down on the fake old dinner style peeling checked kitchen tile and knows we are doomed- 

-Makes an international call- 

“Hey….there's like…no outlets and the water and- and- and -” 

“Well nevermind that now- my husband(your brand new landlord) is in Jail in a country that's considered an enemy of the state (for disorderly crimes btw)” (sorry I cant provide details cause the story is hilariously dumb and tragic and I could probably get away with it here but you never know but to that country- part of the reason they could never propaganda me against y’all cause you arrested my landlord …❤️) 

But anyway so they still send us ‘hell-p’ while he’s in jail in the form of his usual crew cause as we find out much much much later this is his game he's not just a Landlord he is capital S Slumlord my guys so we might actually be getting the Family(step) Treatment here yall like 5 star special for this and that's how we meet

Derek

Fuck you forever Derek

I hope you're 💀 but like a special kind of 💀 where you suffered to get there 

I hope the devil uses you as a personal ass pillow

You remember the demons I said are in hell strictly for incompetence 

Derek is a worm amongst even them 

Derek is the living embodiment of the landlord special where there is a bug painted into your walls forever walking amongst us 

I'd love to just sit here and list all of his crimes but I'll probably catch a heartattack and I need to know he's 💀 first so I can know he went first and I'm about to go put Finding Nemo’s Darla this man in Hell.

Anyway

Derek almost burnt the place to the ground (not even compotent enough to finish that job) like before we were even Aware of The Derek of It all cause remember I said there are fucking no outlets in this bitch( As in very few in weird and the most inconvient locations) 

And Derek instead Of Dealing with that or doing the Dangerous Thing Responsibly 

Left a fuck off powerful Electronic Plugged in in to an extension cord in this tiny cajun shack built in what feels like the Everyone had to Drink Moonshine Cause Water on its Own was Lead and Dirt Era 

anyway he did that in a house they told me I can't have even have an outlet installed into the bathroom cause I'll blow the bitch with A hairdryer like 🔥🔥🔥

Anyway phew ya I got hot 

I'm still hot wait hold on 

We curse Derek's name every Moon ceremony (not real name but close cause he deserves a network of scorn) for a tome of reasons but especially because of our first encounter listen - 

Like I said water right- specifically water heater wasn't working- 

We could have fixed it ourselves by breaking the glass and lighting the pilot underneath

Didn't wanna do that cause it shortens the lifespan of the waterheater and like its not good or safe and you have to crawl under there and RELIGHT IT ALL THE TIME wjtjrjdnd we were dumb kids bht NOT YA KNOW but we were treated like it regardless so 

we specifically mention that with all our evidence and ask for like- an actual honest to God tech and that's how we met the Guinesses Book of World Records Stupidest Man Alive and began to understand the lack of depth of what we would be dealing with everytime we had an issue because He Goes in There Breaks the Glass Lights it and later when we have to Deal With It for the rest of Ever we see there are Fucking

Screws 

On the glass panel

I - 

Also I hate him because he is a misogynistic dickwad like - he refused to speak to me about things Ever meaning my partner Had to Be Home. I think we tested saying the exact same things verbatim to him I - mm

grease fire grease fire grease fire 

Anyway 

Anyway So  

We learn to be self sufficient as much as possible obviously with this house because calling for help always makes things so much worse 

And we teeter

Back and forth between

Sinking time, money and effort on fortifying on a place we are determined to not be before every and not so life is on edge all the time with us and this stupid house thats literally falling apart around us 

One year no shit we started duct taping it like it was all we could do

And we're always determined to leave before the next winter cause theres no fucking insulation or central tempature control 

So it's Miserable 

we do space heaters which helps a little but we cant have more than 3 plugged in cause again the outlet situation 

If you didn't know safety lesson! They must must must be plugged into the WALL and only the wall outlet not an adapter! 

I am very lucky I did not get hurt cause we had one plugged into this internet thing we have to have since we have so few outlets that we Literally have to run the window unit on 

So I guess by the logic that if it could ‘handle’the a/c unit it was fine to put the space heater into it- we did for a while…until we unplugged and replugged (Louisiana moody weather means doing that constantly) and it blew up in my face and I didn't notice cause it's in kind of a dark corner ya know and luckily the machine and grounding stuff did what it was suppose to and I was left like Oh ? Why isn't it working? And my partner took a look at it and was like HEY DID THIS MAKE MAYBE A NOISE OR SOMETHING and I was like I dunno- and they showed me how everything was fucking BURNT AND MELTED 

yeah….no

Wall only folks WALL 

But yeah its cause they’re big power drains (our electric bill sucks during winter and peak summer) already without them running just when you just run the microwave all the lights flicker so like hahaha

Off topic but related fun fact while we're on the bizarre wiring of the house 

if you touch the fridge and the shitty little stove we have at the same time it gives you a littl le shock I don't know what that's about 

( to all concerned I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD THATS KINDA THIS WHOLE THREAD but also thank you) 

Anyway 

There's a lot more fucky wucky about this house but my poor fingers. 

Lemme get to the points 

First though 

It is nicknamed amongst my small group as Clown House (I know I said I wouldn't give away personal details but anyone who knows that name won't rat) but it's not the ACTUAL clown house in New Orleans though typing it outloud 

There's no HOA here….some shitty Karen's tho who bitched to the city about me not taking in my trashcan in on time tho like I'm disabled and my partner does important science stuff for the state lay off bruh anyway

I don't know if I could paint it but I could probably get away with an obnoxious amount of clown gnomes cause like 

Lemme sum up the issues with the house - it probably was a unit that should have been condemned but a scumlord saw opportunity to take advantage and squeeze money out of it by like leaving us to deal with it exactly because we are neglectable and from seeing his other tenants who are also people who are in similar situations of not being able to speak up for themselves for various reasons combined with his political beliefs and past That Tracks. Plus just #landlord ya know. Ya know. 🫥

We'd of course like to leave but the way The World Is 

Has made Sure We Are Here Spinning Our Wheels 

Lemme lay out the facts of your situation ya know 

My partner 

College grad in a degree that use to like 

Sure getting a masters or higher in it was better of course it always is especially in STEM but at the time it looked like it wasn't  necessary and he was Burning Out and finance for future school was too murky for mental health to endure trying when it looked like you could get a good even great job in the field after a year of entry ya know standard. Esp in stem you could often enough play the field and get the job to sponsor a move and your masters- I was confident for sure he's skilled and knowledgeable at what he does and we thought at worst it would be hard to try and not work in petroleum here ya know stick to our ethical guns but no- ya know 

You know uh

 Trump, Pandemmy and Springtime for Hitler Happened- So

It's been impossible to job hunt 

Anywhere in the country 

My skills unfortunately at the moment went moot my disability was always kinda lurking in the water like a gator but finally started making its way toward shore before covid and then snapped ass when I was at my weakest and yeah My life went Lieutenant Dan on me despite having a myriad of varying skill capitalism doesn't really see the value in them anymore when I've basically become allergic to stress and stress is a necessary Cookie of the system ya know. Follows you everywhere. 

But 

Even still when we were dual income with me at my job of a decade where I was considered like The Guy top employee and he did a job thats like so Vital he can't come home until its Done like we were 

Still scrapping by on our own incomes 

The luxuries we had came from outside of us because like there's a thing that will happen with like White Families that have some access to Wealth but arent Top Tier Rich where they share occassional meals but not tables does that make sense? Like they'll give you a little something something but I find poor families more often try and uplift the whole unit more often poor poc families than poor white families even but- mm

Another another side tangent

Anyway regardless 

It wouldnt have been enough to afford another place in our city 

We tried to move in with a friend but we would been still been treading Water and all of us were in more ‘stable’ situations even if they all sucked and moving in together to new places would have been more harmonious but the risk of even a tiny disruption in the ecosystem causing houseless would have jumped so and it's a good thing We didnt 

Cause I got a fancy new job that ruined my nervous system and put me out to pasture (I tried again but health kept sliding back)   

Rent prices keep going up 

While wages kept stagnate

Food went way up  

And now we live on our impossible singular income

The only way we've been able to have a home at all is because partners job does is so vital it overuses them severely as a resource but also from just accepting debt and tapping into stuff that was never supposed to be a safety net. And by using any means to scrap by including the fact that our landlords were tied to us familialy meaning we could occasionally work off our rent to them, or use their gifts as trades backsies or yes even play the system and just be ‘Nepo babies’ to get some mercy but the like the kind the church gives because I know in this system its a priviledge to exchange my freedoms for a even a broken house. Ive had to do it before and I can't stop thinking how could I let it happen again for just another month here - another month freezing while they get to call and tell me to stay warm as if that's a choice ya know. 

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if when I sent a picture of an old Piano from a thrift store because someone's baby asked to play in their house only to get back a ‘What am I made of money' text or if I didnt take load up their very sick animal and take it to the vet by myself or if I didn't- well- I didn't find out at His kids second wedding to a tesla guy on his dime that he just gave the other one two story house. While we are expected use our only day off Be There Look Nice and Not Complain About This Be Quiet as a Mouse about This House even on days where there's enough booze flowing for someone to Admit The Quiet Part Outloud. 

So that was a lot 

If you read it

Thank you wow

I have severe adhd and I'm cold and am just sort of going through my yearly purge of these feelings but yeah yeah yeah 

my grandest of grand grand point is

All the things connect ya know 

One problem is a crumbling house 

Is always actually a web of problems in capitalism ya know 

One more thing sorry Im always like that cajun goodbye but like with anti capitalism sentiments right 

What really sucks though is like - the distance with our community network this house has caused us over the years when I dreamed it would help me build something, feed and bring them together and don't get me wrong there are other factors but not being able to get out of this house has been a huge contributing factor because it's like 

A bad relationship you can't escape ya know but not out of not wanting to but out of inability due to external circumstance but everyone looking at you like you WANT to stay when you talk about going all the time or worse are  REFUSING to out of laziness maybe? Or maybe they know you just can't and they start leaving you behind cause it's too hard on THEM to see it but like - I don't know part of me is mad at them for leaving 

Part of me just misses them having them over for dinner 

but either way it sucks to get it and still be hurt and alone through it anyway ya know

I dont know I feel like thats a lot of society right now like the teeter totter between understanding people looking out for their own survival and knowing that it looks like a crumbling house from  inside and out- 

So yeah anyway 

If I hadn't been radicalized by like a bunch of stuff ‘back then’ this definitely would have been like a 

Hey maybe Capitalism Doesn't Work For Me moment haha #yikes #toopersonal ? #Idunno #immatraumabonder 

[gentleoverdrive]

[01/03] The Blood's on the wall, so you'd might as well just admit it. (002)

So much piss and vinegar, even at my age. I'm sometimes still able to surprise myself, to be quite honest! I guess the key lies in finding something within my chest that moves me to act like the borderline-irascible, hot-blooded dumbass of my late teens/early 20's. ---- But is it just that simple? Like, I sorta understand my "ritual" for when I'm playing live to unleash myself to put on a good show, but actively burning energy in a reckless manner in my day to day life felt pretty awesome! Even if my new puppy just stared at me as though I was a raving madman who was gonna do some crazy-ass shit to him. ---- No, I am not going to elaborate what was it that made me activate outside of playing music. It's too embarrassing and too "dog-dad"-coded. I know this is the monster-fucker website and all, but I know that some of y'all can get hella judgmental with the olds, man, and I don't want that cross around my neck.

(This is you, bullying old fart me with my single digit interactions on my posts) ---- Suffice it to say that it was a nice change of pace, and that it felt reinvigorating. Anyway yeah, be cool and I'll read you on the next one, ya' little judgmental jerks! Ciao!

[oconswrld]

Anything. - Max Verstappen x Reader

summary: Max and Y/n can't live without each other.

ANGST IF U SQUIT!

warnings: hospital,scar, kinda cried doing this, parents arguing..

A relationship with Max Verstappen is like sacrificing your own health for happiness. Y/n and Max can't leave each other's side. The couple never remembers what it was like as whiny 12 year olds when they first got together.

The evenings spent doing laundry in the garden of Y/n's grandma's house. Two big curly haired dogs always running around, ruining the clean clothes. Mango vodkas in colored glass cups, a white plastic table and chairs next to the grill.

The streets of the Hungarian countryside as they bicycled to the closest shop, the clouds threatening rain. The grocery list is stained by rain drops when they get to the shop. Hair messy and wet, loud laughing coming from the two.

Dog's teeth as they sliced into her palm, a whine coming out of her mouth. Her grandma driving them to the ER, the stitches itching his hands when he held her's.

Summers with her.

__

The snow falling outside blurred the windows. The netherlands reminded Y/n of stroopewafel and love. Soft humming from Max as they leaned into each other in the car. The house coming into view, the familiar warmth of family wrapped around Max. The two show each other videos on Youtube, Jos in the driver's seat complained about the cold.

The bad attempts at making each other breakfast while trying to stay quiet. Christmas music blasting in their shared earphones, the two switching music. Marshmallow in her mouth as she tried muffling her singing.

Jos screaming at Sophie, white wine stinging their tongues. Their hands worked fast to decorate the tree, hearing the screams and yells of anger from the man soothes the two. The sound is familiar, causing a bubble around them. Max held her hand tracing the scar on her palm.

Ginger spice bit their noses, sneezes coming from the blonde boy. Kisses shared in secret, love shared in secret. Max left wet kisses on her eyelids as she murmured about them.

Christmas with him.

__

Breeze separating the hairs on her head, a sigh coming from her. The car window opened all the way, his head leaned onto her shoulder as she kissed him. Empty pepsi bottles on the car floor. The smell of cheap, fake pine circled the car.

Her hands are on his chest, listening to the soft thud of his heart. One, two, three. She counts, her eyes never opening. The small circle of sleep reaches her and Max chuckles, the rich sound coming out so softly, you almost can't hear it.

He drums on the steering wheel as they drive home. She leaned against the car door, soft, oh, so gentle hums coming from her lips as the city of monaco bustles with night life. His eyes are heavy as he parks down, taking a moment to examine the situation.

The love of his life is sleeping next to him in his car, the monaco night life is around him. He's free.

Springs with them.

Author's Radio; Sometimes, i make beautiful things :)

[donutz]

Yandere Smiling Critters x male child reader

Request from Wattpad-! Here you go Dracunyan1987☆

An employee escorted you to Playcare, after the train ride and Elliot’s long speech of course. You were a new kid added to the bunch. You’ve been hanging around in Playtime co for a while, so the employees told the upper staff, then they told Elliot.

Elliot instructed them for you to stay at Playcare, so you’re here now. This place was huge. There’s… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 5 buildings, you counted. You looked up at the ‘sky’, and saw ‘clouds’. Further up, you could see glass, is that the real sky?

The same employee escorted you over to home sweet home, and you were pretty shy, due to you being new to the huge place. The tons of people, toys, big buildings, it's all so new. And kind of scary, due to the big toys. But you do like one.

Kissy… Missy? You think that's her name. She's really sweet.

You entered Home Sweet Home and saw a bunch of kids running around. And… Are those animals..? A dog, a bunny, a bear, a chick—

“Oh, hello!” Somebody greeted you, being out of your vision so you had to turn around.

“You’re new here right?” You nodded your head, being a little surprised by the sudden interaction.

“Ok! I’m PickyPiggy! What’s your name?” You said yours, and she brightened up by that. Even if you were shy, you could at least introduce yourself. Hm. You’re an interesting one.

“Here, follow me! I’ll introduce you to the other critters!” You raised your eyebrows at that, there’s more? How many? You hope there isn’t too much.

Picky took you somewhere, hopefully actually taking you to the critters. She did, no worries.

“Guys! There’s a new kid and—” The other critters were dealing with the kids, not having time for introducing themselves. “Oh.. Uhm..” 

Dogday was dealing with telling kids not to be rude. Kickin was trying to get his soccer ball back from the kids. Craftycorn was trying to get her art supplies back from little 5 year olds. Bobby was being crowded by random 7 year olds. Bubba was looking for his math papers, that were stolen by kids. And Hoppy was being dragged around by younger children.

You, as a 6 year old, not knowing what’s going on, couldn’t even take a bit of charge. So you were standing there, waiting for something(other than this) to happen. Picky was getting impatient, so she raised her voice, just a little ^_^!

“GUYS! THERE IS A NEW KID HERE!! YOU NEED TO INTRODUCE YOURSELVES!!!!” It went quiet. Nobody expected for a critter to raise their voice! Picky had no problem though.

“... Oh uhm! E- Everybody gather at your tables and PLEASE resume your activities!” Dogday spoke up, if he could sweat, he would, he’s never seen or heard Picky yell before…

You hid behind Picky, somewhat trusting her more than anybody else at this place. Also you were shy. And new. I’ve said that already, right?

Dogday saw your shyness and reassured you, “It’s okay little one! This place is safe! Even with the chaotic kids… Anyways, we are the smiling critters! I’m Dogday! … Guys, introduce yourselves—”

“I’m KickinChicken! I like sports—”

“ANYWAYSS!! I’m Hoppy Hopscotch! I’m the better version of Kickin!” “HEY!”

“I’m Bobby Bearhug, I do love.. Stuff..”

“I’m Craftycorn! I do art, and accentuate creativity!”

“I’m Bubba Bubbaphant! The ‘smart one’, that’s what the kids call me…”

“I’m sure Picky Piggy already introduced herself to you, right?”

You nodded your head, still being behind her. You were such a cutie!

“Alright! There’s one more, but he’s.. Somewhere… I’m not sure where he is…” You looked around, trying to see if that ‘he’ is in the room.

“D- Do you mean that one..?” You asked, pointing to a high area. It looked like nothing was there, but you could see his white beady eyes in the shadows.

“Oh! Yeah! That’s Catnap!” Dogday said.

You stayed staring at him. Slightly wondering why he was up there and not down here. He seemed mysterious, especially with that purple color.

“Oh and— What’s your name buddy?” You tensed up, you have to say your name… Again?

Picky saw that you didn’t really like speaking that much, so she did it for you. “Okay kiddo! Would you like to do the activities, or take a tour of the place?” Well, you were hungry, but he didn’t state it as an option.

Your stomach spoke for you, saying you were hungry with a loud rumble. Some of the critters giggled from it, “Guys… Anyways, you’re hungry right? Do you want some food?”

You nodded your head. No duh you’d want some food.

After eating, you wanted a tour of the place. There were a ton of rooms, but since you came out of nowhere, there wasn’t really a room ready for you. The critters had a room, so you could stay there when it was time to sleep.

The critters now having an introduction, and a bright smile, you could trust them. For now.

You did the activity with Picky by your side, because you trusted her the most. You quickly did the activity, proving your smarts to somebody. Bubba Bubbaphant. He found you quite the smart kid, and it’s your first day here!

Good job.

For the next few weeks of being at Playcare, you had a lot of reasons for the critters to like you, you were also clingy to them, so they can’t ever be lonely.

They wanted to keep you here, particularly getting a little bit more mad than usual if somebody was rude to you. One time a kid stole your art supplies, Craftycorn got more mad than usual, she was kind of holding back on fully outlashing at the kid.

… You were doing something to them.

They didn’t want you to have your own room. They wanted to keep you in theirs.

Hm. You wanted to meet Catnap, but couldn’t, he didn’t come out at day, he came out at night. And at night, you were asleep. What if you secretly stayed up one day?

“Good night everybody!” Dogday said, everybody said it back, but you didn’t. (Almost) All of the critters noticed this, wondering why you didn’t respond back like you usually do.

“What if I stayed up..? I wanna see uh, Catnap. That’s his name, I think.” The critters looked at each other, communicating whether it was a bad idea. “Well, the workers never come in here. So we won’t really get in trouble..” Kickin spoke up.

They all agreed to stay up, for some time, not pull an all-nighter or something. They’re all talking, while you were silent. Finally, the sound of a door creaked open. There he was! Catnap!

It went quiet again, you got out of ‘your’ bed(Which is Catnap’s) and went up to the cat. You two stared at each other. You didn’t know what to say, Catnap didn’t want to talk. It wasn’t awkward, for you two at least. The other critters didn’t know what to do in this situation.

You let out your arms, signifying you wanted a hug. The other critters were wary about that, Catnap wasn’t really into that stuff, especially when it came to children.

But, he actually hugged you! Everybody in the room was bewildered by this! You really are the chosen one! Yeah you’re staying here.

Forever. Hopefully.

A/N|| I almost broke my back putting in the different colors on my computer🤣🤣

[aisnextdoor]

DISJOINTED - han taesan x reader

there are far worse things to be addicted to

PAIRING: taesan x reader GENRE: established relationship, fluff | WORDCOUNT: 1.7 k WARNINGS: weed/marijuana use, smooching, minimally suggestive

The high hits you slowly, then all at once. Each time you double over to echo Jaehyun’s laughter at Riwoo’s jokes, your consciousness moves first and your body follows, slow and stilted. 

There’s a fuzziness behind your eyes, like the static of Taesan’s old records that has you reeling, head tilting back against the seat of the scratchy sofa. 

You stay like that for a bit, letting your thoughts drown out the faint hum of noises bouncing around the walls of Leehan’s basement. Thinking of nothing and everything. Losing yourself in the haze. 

There's a drag of cold fingertips against your cheeks, wandering to tuck your stray hairs behind your ear, that brings you back. The same touch tugs at the lobe gently to coax your eyes open. 

You’re rewarded with a glimpse of Taesan’s soft eyes as he takes you in. The lazy smile that pulls a bit wider at your lips, and the breathless laugh that escapes them as you reach out for him instinctively. 

Taesan obliges, like he always does, scooping you up from your spot on the floor to flop unceremoniously half on the sofa, half on his lap. 

“You’re finally here. I missed you, you took fucking forever,” you complain with a stifled yawn. A swift kiss is pressed to your cheek, the silent apology accepted with a roll of your eyes. 

“You can't possibly have missed me that much. Looks like you were having tons of fun on your own, getting started without me,” Taesan teases. His hands slide under the hem of your shirt to rub at the small of your back, snorting as you jolt at the icy temperature. 

You try to wiggle away from his frosty touch but Taesan only snakes his arms around you tighter, trailing goosebumps across your skin. “I didn't have much choice,” you grumble, “It was either smoke or have Jaehyun hog and finish it all before I can even get a whiff.” 

There's a faint yell of indignation from across the room that you ignore, instead busying yourself with untangling Taesan’s chains. You follow and separate the twists in the links up towards his neck. Your boyfriend stills his motions, busying himself instead with admiring the way your brows knit as you pull them apart.

(It was a mystery to you how Taesan’s necklaces always managed to get so tangled. You could never recall him having such problems before you started dating. Luckily for him, you were more than happy to indulge his whims and untangle them at the beginning of every meeting.)

When you’re nearly done, and you've reached the nape of his neck, the pads of your fingers brush against the long strands of Taesan’s overgrown hair. They come back cold, and you freeze looking up to blink at him owlishly, “your hair’s wet,” you say, voice tinged with bewilderment. 

Taesan leans back in a laugh, hands too occupied holding your waist to shield his smile like they normally would. “You’ve only just realized?” He shakes his head like a dog, spraying you with the remnants of the droplets that cling to his bangs. 

The splatter of cold beads makes you shriek and once again you try to cringe away from him but Taesan keeps you firmly in his grasp, smirking as you resign yourself to your captivity.  “I showered before I rushed over here,” his voice teasing as he raises an eyebrow at you, “how far gone are you that you didn't even notice?”

It's futile to deny it when your eyes are so clearly rimmed red and your head so far in the clouds but you do it anyway. “I'm not that high,” you wink, “I was just too distracted by your pretty face to pay attention to anything else.”

Taesan simply snorts, unconvinced but amused enough to not contest your obvious lies. He settles into the couch, resting his head atop yours and a comfortable silence descends upon you. Drowsiness tugs at you and you melt with your head lolled in the crook of his neck while the pair of you watch the antics of the others. 

Normally, you'd be thrown in the mix, bickering with Jaehyun and playing tricks on Sungho, but the high has you choosing to refrain from participating. Instead, you’re buried in Taesan’s arms, refusing to shift from his lap even when he jokingly whines about being suffocated and crushed. 

Past all the exaggerated groans, Taesan loves nights like this when you’re pliant, putty in his hands and clinging to him like a second skin. Taesan is free to monopolize you without any teasing remarks. Relishing instead the way you shake with laughter at the jokes he whispers into the shell of your ear, and the giggles he draws from you when he noses at your neck playfully. 

“Alright lovebirds, if you’re done being gross, I rolled the last of it. We’re headed out to grab some pizza if you two want to come,” Leehan approaches with a joint held out in his grasp. You immediately perk up, reaching for it eagerly when a much longer arm intercepts, grabbing it before you can blink.

“You guys can go, we’ll stay here. Y/N is more out of it than usual,” Taesan interjects, ignoring the way your jaw drops and the subsequent protests that follow. The whole time he holds the joint firmly out of your reach as you wrestle the limb down to try and take it. 

The commotion is enough to attract Jaehyun's attention, and he descends upon you like a hyena. “Awww little baby Y/N can't hang?” His laughter rings mockingly through your ears as he pinches your cheek. 

You splutter at the accusation, staring at Taesan to see if he was really going to let your dignity be slandered like this. “Taesan you're not serious?” you whine, trying to shake reason into him as the rest of the boys file out of the basement with calls of goodbyes and laughs. 

“I am serious, I’m not gonna let you smoke yourself sick baby,” Taesan shakes his head, easily slipping in the pet name now that it was only the two of you. You give up on arguing any further, making your displeasure apparent with the way you cross your arms tightly, refusing to face him. 

Taesan only chuckles in amusement at your petty display, digging into the pocket of jeans for his lighter. He dangles it in front of you, the familiar scuffs marring the engraved silver. “Wanna do me the honors?” his eyebrows wiggle goadingly.

There's a brief silence as your narrowed eyes ping pong between the smirk on his face and the lighter, your initials that Taesan had etched into it staring back at you mockingly. With a tortured sigh you snatch it from him, “I can’t believe you’re making me light you a joint that you won't even let me smoke,” you grumble.

“But if I light it myself you’d end up sulking because I didn't ask,” he snorts, knocking his head softly into yours. You don't bother responding (mostly because he’s right), busying yourself by popping the cap off and flicking the lighter on.

Taesan ducks closer to let the tip of the roll between his teeth meet the flame, the fire casting a warm light across the contours of his face. His eyes flicker up to meet yours and you're trapped in the warm amber of his gaze, remembering just why this was one of your favorite things to do.  

The soothing chill of his fingers wraps around yours to hold the lighter steady until a tendril of smoke rises between you two and he’s leaning back with a content hum.

It's a captivating sight, the subtle rise and fall of his chest as he inhales. The smoke billowing from Taesan’s plump lips to curl and swirl upwards, charting the lines of his features. You can see the moment he takes to assess you, mulling over an idea while you patiently wait for him to share what's occupying his mind. 

His answer comes in the form of hands tracing your jaw to pull you in closer, fingers tilting your chin upwards. There’s a gentle tap on your lower lip prompting you to part them, you comply and Taesan grants you a pleased smile at your uncharacteristic obedience. 

It makes your cheeks burn with an odd satisfaction, but you have little time to think further as Taesan takes a deep drag of the joint, your chin still firmly in his grasp. He leans in, pausing to wordlessly ask your permission and when you lean closer, he meets you halfway. 

There’s a quick brush of his lips against yours, lingering for just a second till he’s exhaling. And Instinctively you inhale, the whisper’s distance between you bridged by a stream of smoke. 

You hold it in the back of your throat for a moment before letting go, and in the same breath you rush to tease him airily, “I thought I was banned from smoking for tonight, your highness.”

Taesan slides his hand from your chin down towards your nape, his touch sweeping against your jaw. “Well… you looked so pitiful I decided to have mercy on you,” he drawls, eyes glinting mischievously in the dim light.

“Yeah right,” you scoff, “More like you just wanted an excuse to kiss me.”

Taesan shrugs, looking far from bashful as he admits smugly, “Not that I need an excuse to kiss you but sure, that might have been a motivator.” 

And now you’re breathless for a different reason as Taesan takes full advantage of the complaints that threaten to spill from your lips, silencing them instead with a firm press of his mouth on yours.

The minutes pass by like that, the two of you caught in languid kisses, only separating for much needed air or for a heatless glare when Taesan bites at you teasingly. 

The joint’s long abandoned, lost somewhere in the crevices of the couch to be found weeks later. For there's no high quite as intoxicating or as addicting as the one you get from Taesan’s lips. 

a/n: this started as a 2 am brain rot that I ended up spending way too much time on. hope u enjoyed :)

stream HOW? n EWF!!! n tell me ur fav song off the album (mine's amnesia)

[raylangivins]

I love this picture of me. I said 🥺. I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.

[sharenadraculea]

If the primarchs had social media

Lion: There is nothing on his accounts. Not even a profile-picture. Someone is still logging into them every so often. Fulgrim: On all the plattforms. Primarely family-blogger: look at my perfect kids, my perfect spaceship, my perfect partner, my perfect healthy breakfest, my perfect make-up. OnlyFans-account on the side. Get‘s into controversies all the time. Perty: Angry rants. Has spent to much time on Twitter. Old man yells at cloud type of stuff. Jagh: And this is how we‘ll break the speed-limit today! Talks about bikes, how to mod them, drives them around very fast, ect. Occasional horse-pictures. Leman: Puppies! Just cute dog-pictures and -videos, of every canine he encounters in the galaxy Rogal: He isn‘t very good at social media. Sometimes posts bad selfies or pictures of his building projects. Completly ignores all of Pertys hate-comments Konrad: He writes fanfic. Edgy, dark, not very good fanfic. The protag is a clear self-insert and Mary Sue and brings justice to all the settings he puts them in. A ton of spelling errors. The plot barely holds together. He is very proud of it. Sang: He has official accounts with pretty pictures of him everywhere, but he has some private accounts that are just like his art and sometimes cute family pictures. Also why can I see Sang having a Vtuber-persona he livestreams with so people don‘t recognize him? Ferrus: Appears on Fulgrims accounts fairly often. Maybe does some gaming-content on the side Angron: Everything is very sporadic and when it‘s there it‘s pretty angry. Surprisingly talks a lot about issues with his disabilities and that he needs way more help than he get‘s and also all his trauma. Struggles a lot with typing and forming sentences, so it can be hard to understand at times. Roboute: A channel with tutorials for stuff like running a planet or putting on armour. If people ask him to explain something he can just send them a link. Morty: Not very active, sometimes pictures of some funky plants and little texts about them. Magnus: Video-essays. He dissappers for months and then returns with a four-hour-video (minimum) about the most random topic. Hugely popular. Horus: Look at my sexy abs! Look at my huge bicep! Soft-porn-pictures of him and his sons. Probally also had OnlyFans. Lorgar: Social media is great for preaching! So he does that! Deletes all his accounts after monarchia. Vulkan: Food! He loves trying out new recipes from diffrentc cultures! At the start of every recipe is a pagelong story, which people actually read Corvus: Also writes Fanfic. Very, very good fanfic if a bit edgy at times. Kind of has a rivalery with Konrad. Also runs a very active blog, about both writing and justice, with occasional bits about guerilla-warfare Alpharius Omegon: Just the worst trolls. Dozens if not hundreds of sockpuppet accounts. They are having a good time.