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spencer-sweets · 5 months ago

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Marvel Fic Recs | Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

so i have been a part of the spideypool fandom on and off since... 2019? some of these are really old and I might not remember details other than I thought it was great at the time - and when i started reading spideypool i didn't bookmark as liberally as i do today. got back into it after Deadpool and Wolverine (feel free to send me fics you think will get me more into that ship). How well these stand up against the test of time... can't be certain on all of them but at least they brought me joy the first or second time around.

let me explain by jilliancares Gen 8,505 Wade scoffs, shaking his head and elbowing Peter in the side. “Sure,” he says, sarcastic. “That’s why your spidey-sense doesn’t see me.” Peter’s on the verge of laughing, wanting to join Wade in his amusement, but he freezes. His entire body goes still. He finds himself staring at a roof three buildings over, not even looking at anything. Two blocks away, a car alarm finally shuts off. “I never told you that,” Peter says, the realization startling him. Or: Peter's starting to realize just how much Wade knows about him.

this was cute and fluffy.

I'm Something of a Scientist Myself by fancastical Explicit 11,422 Wade decides to start dousing himself in various synthetic spider sex pheromones before meeting up with Spidey, because why wouldn't he? They have some… interesting results. Wade feels downright scientific.

its smut but wacky. as i noted in my bookmark (very rare of me) "Fucking awesome and I dont usually bookmark pure smut... However there was so much effort put into this one it is definitely going down in history."

Freefall by Wilt Explicit 37,557 It's been a long time since Peter took off his mask in front of someone he loved, cracked a nervous smile and said, “This is me”. He swore to himself he'd never do it again, and he's been making a good run of it by spending more time as Spiderman than Peter Parker for the past few years. But for some reason, being Spiderman also means spending a lot of time around Deadpool. And, like clockwork, that same old turmoil comes creeping back again.

i bookmarked this in April of 22' (gonna re-read it and i'll update this). its got mutual pining and an identity reveal tho so its kind of hard to fuck that up.

Allostasis by ruralfishingcat Mature 42,434 Peter had a tendency to put up walls to isolate himself; even as Spider-Man, he could only suffer through so much death and destruction. It was precautionary, really, and those he'd pushed away would thank him were they aware of the circumstances. Of course, Deadpool had his own tendencies, one of which was to break down said walls (fourth ones included). As grating as it was, a small sliver of Peter hoped the mercenary would be able to succeed.

no memory of this but i bookmarked it back in 2022 and i didn't bookmark much back then.

fall out, boy, so i can fall in(to you) by TheMadKatter13 Explicit 81,041 Deadpool keeps having sex with Peter and Peter… Peter keeps letting him.

smut... pure smut.. with a side of plot and pining

we're on a highway to hell (with a little bit of heaven) by dabblingwithwords Mature (I would say Explicit) 107,557 Hydra has had Peter in their custody for three years. Deadpool is hired to break him out. Throw in an alien symbiote, motels, and superhero explosions and things get gay.

I don't remember a lot of the details of this fic but it is THE spideypool fic for me. this fic stuck with me for so long. i read it when i first got into spideypool - then the second time around - and i might read it again it was that good.

Dissonance by stuckybarnes Mature 121,395 Wherein Deadpool is reluctantly hired to protect Peter Parker from an organization out to hunt him, with varying success on both ends and quite a lot of feelings, revelations, and identity crises.

i recently re-read this and its fun. its a bodyguard fic with spideypool and secret identities.

Dead Men Walking (series) by doctorestranged Explicit 235,937 When a series of murders take place, Peter Parker goes undercover in Sister Margaret’s to get intel on Tony Stark’s prime suspect: Deadpool. Peter goes in hoping to get enough information so that Spider-Man can save the day, but like everything in Peter’s life, it becomes a bit more complicated than that and it soon becomes apparent that he might not be the best fit for the job.

I remember very little about this series other than this made me spend a week hyperfixating on book binding because i was willing to kill to get my hands on a physical copy of this.

The Amazing Deadpool by harrytiptoe Mature 481,270 Basically a rewrite of the first Deadpool movie mixed with The Amazing Spider-Man movies (AKA what if they were the love interest in each other’s movies). What if Wade had changed his plan and Peter had been the one delivering pizza to Jeremy the stalker.

hear me out on this one - it set pre-deadpool and during the amazing spider-man. its a self indulgent fic for those who wanted to see more of mercenary wade wilson who threatens the pizza guy and more gayness from tasm. the sequel does go into deadpool 1 but it hasn't been finished yet. this is an epic length fic that i have finished twice and started over again i love it that much but its definitely not for everyone. its got a weird age gap with peter being 18 and not out of high school and i know some people don't like wade with no scars. don't come at me lol.

thats all for now folks.. will probably update this in the future

originally posted: 8/13/2024

#marvel #spideypool #spider man/deadpool #peter parker/wade wilson #fic rec #peter parker #spiderman #deadpool #wade wilson

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harrylights · 11 months ago

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nvm having a full on meltdown about all the boys now

listening to girl crush live at bbc and sobbing

#this is what happens when i decide to take my meds late and stay up til midnight listening to hs1 #it always gets me going #i just. they’ve been such a weirdly big part of my life and watching them grow up while i did too has been #so insane. and looking back on all of it i’m just. overwhelmed #i’m so proud of them and what they did and then went on to keep doing #and maybe. MAYBE #i can let myself feel a sliver of the same thing about myself even tho i’m not like making waves globally lmao #i’ve grown and i’ve learned and i’m gonna keep on doing that whether i like it or not #but also just. i’m so grateful for them and all their music ik i’m preeching to the choir here but i genuinely can’t imagine my life #without 1d and their solo albums basically being the soundtrack to my life lmao #OK ANYWAY I NEED TO STOP AND GO TO BED GOOD HE #GOODBYE #i’m not tired at all but. ok #rowyn rambles

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damienthepious · 4 years ago

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uhhhhhhhh TUESDAY. i’m gettin’ OLD SCHOOL.

The Rite Of Movement (Chapter 5)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla, The Keep, Original Monster Character(s), Sir Marc, Sir Talfryn, Sir Angelo, Quanyii, Sir Caroline, Original Human Character(s)

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Engagement, Domestic, Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Poetry, Presents, (this is the MOST self indulgent tooth rotting fluff I've ever ever EVER done please enjoy), (i love my ridiculous scalie/scaley trio), Monster Customs, Dancing, Second Citadel, Post-Season/Series 02

Fic Summary: Arum has a surprising revelation about his own feelings, and then decides to take matters into his own claws since his humans don’t seem to realize what they are denying themselves.

Chapter Summary: Continuations of two conversations.

Chapter Notes: Don't.... pay attention to how long this fic has been left hanging. Also don't..... hold me to regular updates for this in the future either, lmao i've proven myself unreliable in that context XD i swear i'm doing my best! this one is very freeform tho and sans plot i have trouble kicking things along. ALSO, EDIT, @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile inspired the second half of this chapter pretty directly!!! and i love them dearly with my whole heart!!!! aaaaaaa<3<3<3

“They cannot stay here,” Arum says, managing to both snarl and speak under his breath at the same time. It’s- a little impressive, actually. Rilla watches him pace a tight circle at just enough of a distance from the portal that Puck and Tetch probably can’t make out his words. “They cannot. I do not run some sort of- of halfway home for wayward miscreants, be they human or monster or- or anything else.” He pauses, then scowls darker and gestures with a hand, claws slicing the air. “And yet, they cannot leave because they have seen you and if anyone were to bring our- our- to bring us as we are to the attention of the Senate or the humans, all of our lives would be- and with the wedd-” he cuts off, shooting a suspicious look towards the portal again, where Puck appears to be examining the vines that make up the frame the magic fills.

“I am going to have to kill them,” Arum says flatly, eyes narrowing and hands clenching, and Rilla can’t help it anymore. She bursts out laughing.

“Arum- Arum we’re not going to kill them. What are you even- seriously, pay attention, here. Who would they possibly tell?” She smiles, just a little exasperation creeping into her tone. “Look at them, Arum. Look at them and tell me what these two would gain from talking to the Senate or the Citadel.”

Arum looks at Rilla, instead, for a long moment, his jaw clenched tight, and then he sighs, flicking his eyes to the mismatched pair.

Puck runs their hands along the vines of the portal, their face bright with a delighted sort of curiosity. Tetch is behind them, still out in the swamp. Within reach, tense as if anticipating a blow, anticipating the need to defend, but mostly just- watching. Watching Puck, with her head tilted just slightly to the side, her fuzzy antennae twitching.

He presses his lips together, then looks to Amaryllis again. “What does it matter,” he mutters, his tone a little stilted, “if they happen to- if they are-”

“Like us?” Rilla suggests gently.

“They are not-” Arum snaps his jaw shut again, growling low, because-

“You know that they are,” Rilla says. “I mean, I figured we couldn’t be the only ones, but- if I’m being honest I didn’t really expect that we would ever meet another-” she shakes her head. “Not the point right now. Arum, I’m not saying we should let them move in or something, but- it’s not like the swamp is tiny. If all they’re looking for is a place where they can be safe for a little while… it’s not like that would be a difficult thing to help with, would it?”

“Amaryllis-”

“They can’t tell anyone about us because anyone they would tell would hate the pair of them just the same,” Rilla says. “Honestly-” she pauses. “Honestly, Arum, aren’t you even a little bit curious? Or… or even a little bit tempted by the opportunity to talk to someone who’s gone through something like what we have?”

“No,” Arum grumbles, looking away, but Rilla steps closer and lifts a hand. He flicks his eyes to the strangers when she cups his cheek, suspicious of the scrutiny, but they don’t seem to be paying attention, so he only rumbles low in his chest and meets her eyes again. “I care about you,” he mutters. “I care about Damien. They have nothing to do with me, or us. The pair of you and my Keep are my only priorities, Amaryllis.”

Her thumb brushes soft over his cheek, and her smile goes a little more gentle. “I know,” she says, “but helping them too doesn’t take away from that. You’re allowed to do unselfish things, you know. No one here is going to make fun of you for being kind. Honestly, if you just pointed them towards a patch of swamp without any traps that they could camp in for a day or two, they’d probably be grateful enough, but- but I really think we could help more than that, don’t you?”

Arum grumbles, still standing stiffly to keep himself from gathering her close as he truly wishes to. He cannot embrace her, not while they might see, because-

The moth (Tetch, his mind supplies unhelpfully) stands close behind the human as they examine the portal, close enough to wrap a gentle wing around their shoulder like a cape, and even at this distance Arum can see the easy way that Puck leans back into that contact, the light smile that curls their lips.

He pulls his eyes away, and realizes that Amaryllis is still looking up at him, is still waiting for him to answer.

“We… could help. Theoretically.”

Rilla’s own lip curls, then, into an indulgent smirk. “Theoretically,” she echoes.

“There are…” he hesitates, eyes flicking around the room and not settling on any one thing in particular. “A number of outposts in the swamp, of course, similar to the one…”

Rilla’s smirk breaks into something softer when he hesitates again. “Like the one you brought me and Damien to, after… after Fort Terminus? Where we went to talk?”

“Y-yes,” he says. “Smaller places. Technically Keep-grown but not within its direct consciousness, without effort at the very least. Most are… hidden. Indistinguishable from the surrounding flora. Places no one would look, even if they somehow managed to penetrate the outer defenses of my swamp unseen in the first place.” He pauses, and Rilla doesn’t interrupt. She can tell he’s not quite finished, and she doesn’t wanna scare him off of this particular thought. “It… it would not be difficult, of course, to- to allow… rather… I suppose, if all they require is… is a place to exist for a short while…"

Arum pauses again, and again Rilla waits, lifting her other hand so she can cup his face. He glances towards the other pair again, and this time one of them is returning his gaze.

Or- he thought, for a moment, that they were. Puck's expression is even, curious, vaguely fond as they look at Amaryllis, something like recognition in their eyes. They do glance towards Arum, then, only the barest sliver of hope shining through them as they lean back into Tetch's wings with a very, very small smile. They drop his eyes, turning to laugh at something Tetch says in their ear, then, and Arum blinks back to himself.

Rilla waits, and Arum is grateful for her patience in a way he is never quite sure how to voice. He is grateful for every ounce of her being, though, and the small part of that gratefulness devoted to her patience is easy to lose among the whole. Arum sighs, resting his face in the safety of her palms, and then he curls his mouth into a wry sort of smile and lifts his own arms. He has wanted to hold her since he saw her in the doorway, despite his concerns.

Let them see.

Why should he be concerned? He is her betrothed now, after all, and that certainty pools warm at his center as he gathers her in his arms and tugs her against his chest. She breathes a light laugh against him, surprise and delight, one of his favorite noises in the whole of the Universe.

"… until the patch on her wing sets properly," Arum says, very quietly. "I- we will provide a place for them until then. It was my trap that damaged her- her own fault, of course, for- for trespassing, but- nonetheless, my handiwork. It seems … appropriate, to provide some… to provide some small degree of shelter. Until then."

Rilla leans back enough to look up at him, her eyes dark and warm and fond, and then she leans up to kiss him, just gently on the cheek.

"Okay," she says simply, still smiling, and then she reaches and takes two of his hands in her own, slipping her fingers between his, gently playing his digits between her own. "That sounds reasonable. C'mon, let's go let them know, yeah?"

“Angelo-”

“Almost there, Sir Damien! Patience for a few moments more, and all shall be revealed."

"I trust you with my life, Sir Angelo, but-" Damien ducks his head, weaving slightly to avoid thunking his head off of a stalactite. Ahead of him, Angelo moves with a deftness of foot that really should not surprise Sir Damien at this point. Sir Angelo the Strong was once simply Angelo of Quarry, after all, and he knows rocks and caverns as Sir Damien knows syllables and rhyme. "But- but we are rather deep, I think, and-"

"Oh, hardly! Why, Sir Damien, I've been in caverns a full three times deeper than this little hole, darker and with far more interesting formations of rock! We are not here for my interest today, though, my friend." Angelo grins wide over his shoulder, the light from the torch in his hand dancing orange and gold over the both of them.

"And… why are we here, exactly?" Damien tries, not for the first time, and an expression of near-comical mischief slides across Angelo's face.

"Soon!" he says by way of an answer, and then he presses his free hand over his wide grin, muffling a laugh. "Very soon, Sir Damien. Just a little further!"

"But you said that same thing," Damien pants, "ten minutes ago, I'm certain it must have been, and I would like to return to my-" he lowers his voice, despite the impossibility of being overheard in this moment, "my fiances before it is too terribly late in the evening, certainly you must understand-"

The narrow cave opens out, revealing a yawning space, an enormous wide bowl of a cavern with a cool, utterly still pool of water submerging the floor of the far half, the ceiling completely covered in wavering forms of stalactites stretching down from every corner. In the low light of the torch the water looks like glass, and the cones on the ceiling gleam with subtle moisture, and the noise of their footsteps resounds softly through the space.

"Angelo," Damien murmurs, "this place is… where are we?"

"I used to come here often when I was young," Sir Angelo says, fond and wistful, placing a hand on the uneven stone of the wall as he carefully arranges the torch to stand on its own in a crack between a pair of rocks. "I am rather boisterous even by my own family's standards, and this was one of very few places I could come where I would not prompt any number of complaints about my- well, my volume."

"Oh," Damien says gently. "Oh, Sir Angelo-"

Angelo turns, grinning wide and delighted, and he grips Damien's shoulders. "Which is why I knew it would be perfect for you, Sir Damien!"

"Er- come again?"

"You must speak your heart, Sir Damien," Angelo says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world, and Damien-

Damien could laugh. He's said those words often enough, he supposes. It is the most obvious thing in the world.

"You are not meant to hide your love in whispers, Sir Damien. You are not meant to keep yourself so quiet, and I thought- I thought, perhaps, that you could use this place as I once did. You may speak as loudly as you wish, here, and you need not fear being overheard by anyone at all. If no one ever heard me, they will certainly not be able to hear you, Damien. Not even if you shout."

Damien blinks up at him, feeling his heart rise in his throat, and Angelo only grins a little wider, squeezing his shoulders.

"I thought, perhaps, that you might wish to shout, to make up for all those whispers."

"Angelo," Damien says, his voice wavering as he lifts his hands to grip Angelo's wrists.

Angelo's eyes sparkle with delight, and he squeezes Damien's shoulders once more before he releases them, stepping aside and patting him on the back instead.

"Now, Sir Damien," he says, his voice conspicuous and loud and his expression exaggeratedly sly, "I believe that you had news to share with me, did you not?"

"I-" Damien inhales, breathes a watery laugh, looks around at this wide, empty, private place that his best rival chose to share with him. "I- Sir Angelo, I already-"

"Come now, Damien, don't be shy! What did you wish to tell me?"

Damien presses a hand over his mouth against his own smile, pressing back against the laughter that he is certain will dissolve into tears. Angelo continues to grin, and he waves his hands in the air, encouraging and nearly giddy, stoking Damien's smile even wider.

Damien inhales, then exhales to try to soothe his overwhelmed, thrumming heart.

"I… I am going to be married," he says, and the cavern bounces his voice back to him in a subtle, soft wave. "Arum- Arum asked us to marry him. He- he wants to," Damien says, the surprise of it still coloring his tone, his voice beginning to raise as the enthusiasm wakes, shivering off his fear. "He wants us, he does, he wants us as much as we want him- he wants us to be married, Angelo, he's going to-"

Damien laughs, wild, reckless.

"I love them so, so much, Angelo, I love them with all of my heart, and they- I want to marry them, I want to be with them for the rest of my life, and they want it just the same! They want to marry me! Me, Angelo, oh Saints above, I-"

He pauses, pressing his hand over his heart, and Angelo waits, patient, his hand pressing as a gentle anchor on Damien's shoulderblade.

"I so rarely feel that I know what I am doing, Angelo. I am- so frightened. I am always so frightened, of dangers real and imagined, of failure, but- but with them I feel safe. Always. Even when they bicker, even when Rilla is exhausted and short-tempered, even when Arum and I cannot see eye-to-eye on a matter, even when I fall into the mire of my own mind, I still and forever feel safe with them, and I know- I know, beneath the terrified churning of my mind, I know in my heart that I am loved. I know that I am held beloved by them, and now I know- I know they wish to stand with me in marriage, they wish for us to pledge ourselves to our union. I am- I am held beloved by the most incredible woman I have ever met, and a regal, stubborn, glorious monster. A monster."

"A monster," Angelo echoes, steady and soft.

"I am…" Damien exhales slowly, then lifts his chin, and his next words are not a shout, but they are firm and confident and so, so proud. "I love a monster. I am loved by one in turn. My beloved flower Rilla loves and is loved by a monster just the same. I love Amaryllis, and I love Lord Arum, and I intend to love them both forever. For as long as they want me. I love them, and they love me, they do, and I- I am going to be their husband."

Angelo's eyes go bright, and his grin approaches the quality of a bonfire, and he throws his arms around Sir Damien's shoulders in a crushing hug.

"Congratulations, my friend!" he booms, his voice loud enough to rattle the space, sending droplets down from the stalactites to ripple the surface of the water. "Congratulations! I am so, so happy for you, Sir Damien. I will be so proud to witness so joyous an event!"

Damien-

His tears are as joyful as the congratulations, and Damien cannot help them in the least. He returns the fierce hug, sniffling against Angelo's shoulder as his eyes well.

"What- what did I ever do, Sir Angelo," he keens, his voice wavering hard, his throat aching, "to deserve this? To deserve to be the husband to such beautiful, radiant, loving, clever beings? What did I do? How could I ever be worthy of-"

Angelo tightens the hug, holding his best friend, best rival steady in his arms. "You loved them, Sir Damien," he says, "as much as they loved you. You loved each other, and you chose each other as your family. That is what you did."

Damien sniffles hard, burying his face in Angelo's shoulder and smiling through his tears. "And you as well," he manages, and Angelo makes a questioning noise. "You are my family too, Sir Angelo. Thank you. For this. For- for standing beside me in every dire conflict, for always encouraging me to grow, to strive, for-"

Angelo lifts, and as Angelo hugs him tight, Damien kicks his feet in the air with a squeaking startled laugh.

#elle's fanfic #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #lord arum #amaryllis of exile #sir damien #sir angelo #the rite of movement

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lorddiiavolo · 4 years ago

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m y url!! ily monique ♥

i made the meme up. you don’t tell me what you always wanted to say “bEfOrE 2020 eNdS”, I do. send your url.

drac,,, drac drac drac,,,, meeting you was one of the most unexpected yet most memorable moments of my life. meeting through thirsting over Diavolo? in a group chat? openly???? thirsting??????? in my christian home???? AND IT BEING HONORED??? UNDERSTOOD? SOMEONE ELSE SEEING HIS POTENTIAL AND NOT TELLING ME HE’S SHADY IMMEDIATELY BUT INSTEAD, ACKNOWLEDGES HE’S HOT, ACKNOWLEDGES THE SHADE BUT PROCEEDS TO PASS THAT UP WITH “TITS THO”. LIKE... SUPERIOR. SUPERB. I’LL NEVER FORGET IT, YOU’VE ENABLED ME IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE AND I’LL ALWAYS, ALWAYS APPRECIATE IT.

I’m getting way too ahead of myself, foR STARTERS... your - bluntness? specifically with nsfw ideas/images, like, that stood out to me for sure KSAJFH mostly bc I was too shy to say anything - to anyone, really. starting Diavolo had me On Edge and the amount of times I got told he was shady always left me feeling unmotivated to say anything more bc “just let me talk, jesus-” KJSAF but you understood where I was coming from. I honestly didn’t see us getting any closer than just talking briefly on the groupchat but nope - it turned out for the better. who would’ve thought thirsting over a thicc demon could create beautiful friendships? I’ve spent Lots of nights just talking to you, the talks of dragons, anIMATIONS, art - TANGLED, A TREASURE, our gremlin brats and their chemistry ( which quickly developed into a precious ship to me, it’s always a subject that makes me smile and you have this tendency to send Auri and just talk about the ship at the right times ) - and just having your company on those nights where I needed just someone there. I’d never say it directly in those moments but you were always there, maybe some nights scolding me for being up late but still, your company was - and still is - something I deeply cherish and appreciate. I still remember those nights of you sending animations with songs that I listen to this day because of you. I’m one to remember stuff just because but I always listen to songs you send just to remember and - frankly, the songs u send are also things I’d listen to kfsja you’re so calm and fun to talk to - the way your energy can switch from vibing/thirsting to passionate and excitement when you’re talking about Auri, Ivy, Yanira and Eulalia - your PASSIONS WITH WRITING, IN GENERAL JUST.. THE LORE OF DRACANAR, THAT BLEW ME AWAY WHEN YOU’D TALK TO ME ABOUT THE DETAILS... even sending - just- everything you’ve written thus far. your writing talents are remarkable and the first time you showed me, I was speechless bc? this is?? that was a lot. not in a bad way but - I still sifted through all of it. ASFJ still to this day, I enjoy listening to what information you have to share. I didnt know I needed information about dracanar but listen, you’ve provided it. and just this whole different world you have, I feel honored that you felt comfortable enough to share everything that you created with me. it’s a great privilege to have met you, to scream about the same interests we have, and to just experience the worlds you’ve written - the stories you have to tell are memorable ones and I’m excited to see what else you come up with. even the verses. even if I might know little, I still am super invested to see what obstacles your muses face and what they do in their situations. you’ve been nothing but a supportive friend to me and I really want to be the same for you, I’ll even wave all the glowsticks for u. you’re a wonderful listener- even when I suck at trying to talk about certain things but you’ve listened to me enough to make me feel at ease. you have no idea how much I value our friendship, my vocabulary isn’t advanced enough to be able to put it into words but I can never really transfer my emotions into writing asdfg still, it was one of the most unexpected bonds but kfjah I guess we have big tiddy demon to thank for that. I still remember being pleasantly surprised when u popped up out of the group chat - even if it was just to share Diavolo content ( which you’re always providing your findings still and I’m Eternally Grateful omg my savior ). and from there on, every little detail we’d share with our interests was like another pleasant surprise. because the amount of things we have in common jfsha like, you’ve made me feel comfortable here. you’re part of the reason I’m still around here, even on Diavolo. you’re patient with my lag kajfha you’re so calm but also just as enthusiastic. you’ve listened when there wasn’t really anyone else around and offered support - even if that support was demon tits. it still said a lot aksjfa I can just be a total sap about you and go on and on about what small actions you’ve done that meant a lot to me and why they did but this would become like 10 paragraphs. just please, out of all this mess, take with you that I love you so much. I value your friendship, your company, your personality, just you in general. it’s not the same now, looking at tangled and/or diavolo/auri, dragons, just - a lot of the things we’ve discussed, there’s slivers of you in my every day. and talking to you just makes the day a little better, even if its to discuss Auri’s gremlin tendencies or Diavolo being pushed into another lake by the hands of a bratty ass thief KFAJ I’m sure there’s other details I’m missing on wanting to tell you but I have like- the rest of 2021 to show and/or tell you in the ways I know how. thank you for everything. for being here, for being my friend, for listening for being you, for Auri and just the talk of demon tits. >:3c sending you-- all of my love and hugs and still waving glowsticks for u in support. you talented, beautiful, spectacular heathen.

#vesyia #SMOTHERS U IN HUGS AND SPINS U #nO ILY DRAC #not me playing waiting in the wings - an ode to this friendship mostly bc we both love it so much kasjfha #♚ — lord diavolo commented on your post. / answered.

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tcplnyteens · 5 years ago

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Suggested Reading by Dave Connis

—SPOILERS—

-maren

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anahera-sdm · 5 years ago

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Hotel Del Luna (2019) Thoughts

Warning: will contain spoilers. I suggest you watch the drama first to relate with what I’m talking about because it will be messy.

Disclaimer: Everything written only reflects my own thoughts. There’s a possibility of incoherence. Forgive me, sometimes my brain is all over the place.

Ever since IU was announced as a main lead for this drama, I have been looking forward to it. I have enjoyed IU’s other dramas especially her most recent one in Netflix - Persona. Yeo Jin goo is an actor I like but the last drama of his that I was able to finish (and barely at that) was Orange Marmalade (2015). I couldn’t get into his next dramas after that and ended up dropping them.

After seeing the plot and the fantasy tag (I always have a soft spot for fantasy dramas), as much as I enjoyed and looked forward to new episodes of its predecessor, Arthdal Chronicles, I also could not wait for it to start.

Additional warning: Everything is all over the place and this is going to be a lengthy post. I wrote everything that I wanted to talk about right after watching the subbed version of the last episode but there is no proper structure. I apologise in advance if you decide to read everything.

I don’t even know where I should start. The Hong Sisters really did well with this drama - the years spent on it was worth it. That ending was, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I was so satisfied even though they didn’t spend much time together in this life. I was expecting a bittersweet ending when the drama started anyway. I loved the ending and that reincarnation scene (although it is not definite but just an ‘eventually, it will end up that way’ scene) was everything to me. I don’t know why but I loved how they didn’t try to extend Man Wol’s time with Chan Seong (example, releasing her from the hotel and making her human again). It was enough for me because Man Wol also spent enough time suffering. Her time with Chan Seong, although brief, was good enough because she experienced the love she needed and she gets sent off full of it.

That twist at the end though, how Chan Seong was chosen by Mago - I’m crying. Chan Seong was definitely a reincarnation of someone from her past. They were actually acquainted during Man Wol’s childhood - and he was the one who introduced her to the guesthouse of the moon.

So now, let’s go to the other parts I really wanna talk about.

One of the reasons why I got hooked and invested with Hotel Del Luna was the fact the way they executed the comical elements despite the horror and drama tags. Additionally, the music and the CGI were really well done. The soundtrack really gets me.

The other reasons, well, IU can really pull off Jang Man Wol - a protagonist who can be ruthless, has a slightly bitchy attitude, crooked (but her actions can be justified) and holds a deep resentment. Yet, she has her cute sides too; all the Kim Joon Hyun moments were a sight to see (her obsession for the restaurants he’s been to, enjoyed it! Later we find out her obsession to find good restaurants were actually influenced by Chan Seong who went to the past! Mind blown!). And her fighting scenes were so cool. IU’s eyes are really expressive in my eyes -

Appreciate.

I love how despite being crude in her ways when it comes to dealing with the grudges of the souls she’s helping, there is an underlying meaning to it - example, Hyun Joong being able to graduate because of the money donated by his friend. And, I can’t blame her for loving money and wealth. After all, that was what she didn’t have when she was living. I have to add that one of the things I look forward to every episode was IU’s outfit changes. She looks so good in everything! [I actually couldn’t stop myself from buying some of the stuff she wore. Hold your horses, I can only afford the cheap ones like the earrings and hair clips from Get Me Bling that she wore. And I wanna do a face palm because I accidentally bought 2 sets for one of her earrings so now I’m like, what do I do with this?]

The bickering between the leads together with that comical/mischievous soundtrack, pure gold. It’s easily one of my favourite moments. It’s just really funny how sometimes Jang Man Wol is left without words because Chan Seong is right.

The more I watch this gif tho, it starts to look weirder to look at so don't watch it more than 10 times.

I also like how they dealt with Man Wol’s back story - not giving the viewers everything in just one episode. Instead, it was spliced and distributed nicely throughout. Oh but gods, I was a wreck when everything was laid down - Chung Myung’s sacrifice... I just can’t. And how he was with her as a firefly since the beginning... My heart... I actually forgot that scene from the beginning until they showed it again. I though it was just an artistic shot. I actually wanted Man Wol to go with him to the afterlife when it was finally time for him to go. When she escorted him, I wanted her to walk with him during that moment. But at the same time, I can see that there was only a one-sided love left between them because Man Wol spent so many years resenting him that there was no love left. When she finally learned the truth, the only thing left in her was forgiveness and that was the only thing she can offer. The CGI on the bridge to the afterlife though, the aesthetic, props to the CGI team.

Can I just talk about how the actor grew on me? Like, omg, I’m now looking forward to any drama he’s going to be on. [Note: I have since seen him in a new drama, The Great Show (I was watching it because of Lee Sunbin (one of my favourite actresses)) and he’s the teen version of the male lead! I screamed when I saw him.] I should check him out on his previous dramas but when I saw the list of dramas, I don’t think I’ll get into them yet.

Help my heart, their story is so sad.

Helping Kim Seonbi /Kim Si Ik solve his grudge was really fun to watch. And the ‘fact’ that he was the writer of those stories almost all Koreans know, what a twist. Man Wol really cared for him despite not showing it to him - how she tried to find a way to solve his grudge and how she cried after he finally left.

Choi Seo hee’s story was an unfortunate one but it added more flavour to the already flavourful drama. Those who value family ties or still have crooked views when it comes to family lineage will resonate with her story and perhaps have a change of heart.

Hyun Joong; I love how they gave more depth to his story. That it was not only because of his sister that he was staying as a hotel staff but deep inside there was a resentment. When they wrapped his story up, all I can do was to smile wistfully. His story arc with Yuna was a great addition despite their bittersweet goodbye.

The Sanchez story arc; I... I... He was such a fun character and a good friend to Chan Seong. I sincerely thought they were going to get rid of his character when he went overseas to oversee the funeral of his girlfriend. But we got him back and see another side to him - a rather relatable side where if one loses a loved one, they would find ways to reconnect or hold on to any sliver of hope that they’ll be able to once more be able to talk to them or give them something. Probably, not making sense anymore, but if you’ve lost a loved one before, you’ll get what I'm talking about. After finally getting over it, well, he was not the same Sanchez after that but there was growth in his character.

Mira and Young soo. A twist of fate, these two. Enemies in the past life but became lovers in their current life. Their bitter fates became sweeter this time around. I can't entirely hate on Mira’s past life because her next lives were spent repenting (although it wasn’t shown). Her currently life was finally rewarded, if you can call being with Young soo in her current life a reward. I kept on thinking Mira was just like Chan Seong (not a rich person) but I was so surprised to learn her parents were kimchi factory owners and that Young Soo ate those kimchi since young.

Mago - easily my favourite character. Wait, characters. Because of how many personalities/sisters she has. Really have to give mad props to the actress. She is just so good. Probably my favourite sister has to be the pink sister and then the eldest. It was so funny when they were having a meeting discussing about the new hotel owner and mentioned the ‘poor’ sister still stuck in Joseon dynasty.

Ah, the cameos in this drama. I can’t not cover that.The amount of cameo is just, whoa! This drama is so rich with it. Some really memorable ones to me are: Kim Won hae (as a corrupt mayor), Lee Joon Gi (as an exorcist; Park Il Do hahah, The Guest feels (I ought to make a post on my thoughts about this drama soon); can’t forget the Scarlet Heart feels too), Lee Si Eon (as an astronaut; I couldn't help laugh at the scene), Lee Yi-kyung (as an actor who can’t really act; Waikiki feels!), Kim Joon Hyun (as himself; I screamed because the first few scenes didn't show his face), Park Jin Joo (as an imaginary spirit), Sulli (as the granddaughter of Chairman Wang), Nam Da reum(as a water deity; I really don’t like the fact he’s younger than me; kidding. He’s a talented kid.) Hwang Young Hee (as IU’s previous manager; she’s a really good actress) and Kim Soo Hyun (as the new owner of the hotel; He renamed it Hotel Blue Moon. I’m telling you, I hyperventilated when his scene came. Such a good way to end the drama - at least for me. Hotel Blue Moon as a drama please!)

For the last episode, I wanted to watch it during the actual broadcast time but I actually calculated the time wrongly (thinking I'm 4 hours ahead but actually just 3 hours; good thing I checked the site). I missed the first 25 mins of the actual broadcast. But I eventually re-watched it with subs and came to write this post). I can only understand roughly 80-85% of the dialogue for the raw version but even then, I was bawling - all the goodbyes; it was so sad but so satisfying at the same time because they were sent off really well. From Kim Seonbi’s to Choi Seohee’s. Painful to see the goodbyes but also very heartwarming; how they finally come to resolve their resentments, came to realizations and tied up loose ends - it was so beautiful. The relationship between the Hotel crew was just so precious - Jang Man Wol crying as she realises how she’ll miss them. Feels. Feels. Feels.

Overall, I learned so many things in this drama and came to certain realisations such as treasuring the time you have with others, don’t take it for granted. One day, when the time to say goodbye comes, you won’t regret anything. Also, even the people who did bad things in their life can have the chance to live a better one in the next once they have paid for those wrongdoings.

This drama was a perfect blend of comedy, drama, horror, fantasy, romance. In terms of food, it satisfied my cravings. Watching this drama was one of the best things that I did this year. As much as I want to talk more about this drama and cover more areas, I should stop here. All in all, I would say, I really loved this drama. I’ll definitely go back to watching this when I have nothing else to watch. P.S. I ought to make a Jang Man Wol inspired look but when I tried, I failed.

I’ll miss you, Jang Man Wol-ssi.

Rating: 10 / 10

Re-watch value : 10 / 10

Soundtrack : 10 / 10

#hotel del luna #iu #yeo jin goo #korean drama #jang man wol #gu chan seong

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scuzmunkie · 6 years ago

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Run, Little Rabbit, Run: Chapter 6

A/N: Oh my precious, darling, little pumpkins!! You are all so amazing!! I look forward to all of your comments and I cherish each and every one of them!! I can’t tell you how much they mean to me!! Every heart, reblog and comment are so dear to me as are each of you! I absolutely love all of you and can’t thank you enough for the support you all continue to show me!! As always, please lmk if there are any mistakes and if you’d like to be added to the tag list!! And now I give you chapter 6, enjoy! Smooches!! Baron Corbin x OFC Word Count: 3000+ (I got a little carried away) Warnings: Language, y’all if terminal illness and thametic elements. Summary: Run, Addie, the Constable is coming for you..... +++ Baron watched Addie as she stared at her phone, poking her pasta. Cole’s words ringing in his ears, ‘She’s your luna.’ He couldn’t get them out of his head. His wolf all but howled at the revelation. It had been almost two months since that night, leaving him with seven months at best to make a decision. ‘She is ours!’ His wolf growled out, interrupting Baron’s thoughts. ‘She’s dying. She’s not going to survive long enough to be our luna.’ Baron reminded his wolf. ‘But WE can save her, you stubborn asshole!’ He screamed causing Baron to wince. ‘BUT WHAT IF I KILL HER?!’ Baron gasped and felt his heart clench at his admission. ‘What if I get my hopes up and she dies. No... it’s better to just keep my distance than allow myself to get close to her and lose her.’ His wolf understood Baron’s fears and pain. It was rare for a wolf to have a mate nowadays. Soulmates were a fairy tale anymore, something their ancestors had. Modern wolves simply fall in love like humans do. The fact that Baron was given a mate that was not only human but dying as well was a cruel, sick joke from the moon goddess. ‘But what if we save her? What if she lives? We could watch her change, watch her take her first run as a wolf and watch her belly grow with our little ones.’ His wolf pleaded with Baron. Just as Baron was about to answer, his attention was stolen by the sound of Addie’s laughter. Looking in her direction, he saw Dolph had joined her. Allowing his anger to get the better of him, Baron bent his fork in half. It seemed that anywhere Addie went, Dolph was right there. Even if Baron wanted to get close to her, Dolph found ways to sabotage that. Word had spread to a few that Addie found out about the existence of the supernatural. Dolph was one of the few who found out and used that to his advantage. Baron saw just how far Dolph would go to ruin any chances he had with Addie a week and a half ago. —- Baron was quietly talking with Ruby Riot, one of his trusted pack members, when an infuriated Addie stormed up to them. “Who the hell do you think you are?!” She yelled at him, turning to Ruby, “I’m so sorry Ru-Ru, could I talk to Baron a minute?” She asked with so much kindness that Baron couldn’t believe that this same woman just screamed in his face. Ruby looked at Baron, trying her hardest not to laugh. She could tell that he was in deep shit and wanted nothing more than to stay and watch him get reamed. Ruby quickly pecked Addie on the cheek and walked away, but not before mouthing ‘you’re screwed’ to Baron behind Addie’s back. Once she was gone Baron turned his attention to the seething makeup artist. “Ok, you wanna tell me-“ “NO! You don’t get to speak! I think I’ve been pretty compliant with your wishes, I haven’t said anything to anyone and I’ve steered clear of the woods!! Would you agree?!” By now she was toe to toe with Baron, who simply nodded. “Then imagine my surprise when I got to the parking garage and found my back tire completely flat because of four CLAW marks! What gives you the right?!” She yelled, pushing him with all her might only to have him barely budge. He was so confused. Baron would never do that to her, so why think it was him? “I almost missed a very important doc-“ she quickly cleared her throat, “meeting! Had it not been for Dolph I would’ve missed it completely! Even he thought that they looked like claw marks!” And there was his answer. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Dolph was the one who slashed her tire in hopes of being her knight in shining armor. He also led Addie to believe that Baron was the culprit because he used all four of his claws instead of just one in hopes to incriminate Baron. He could feel his wolf getting angry at the thought of Dolph moving in on his mate. “Look, I’m sorry about your tire, I really am, but I didn’t do it.” “Oh really? Hmmm. Let me think.” She said sarcastically as she tapped her chin, “Who else here a) hates me and b) is a werewolf? Any guesses, Fido?” She said, looking him deadass in the eyes. Baron had to admit that she looked damn hot when she was pissed, his wolf loving her fiery glare. He started to fill Baron’s head with all the ways he could ‘tame’ her earning him a ‘not now, asshole’. Sighing, he decided to pop her little world. “First of all, I don’t hate you.” She scoffed at his confession. “Second, little rabbit, there are more of us here than you think and not just werewolves.” He smirked at Addie’s visible and audible gulp. “Third, stay away from Dolph, he’s bad news.” “Please, he’s a better man than you. At least he doesn’t treat me like some inconvenience.” She mumbled the last part. Groaning, Baron rubbed the back of his neck. It seemed that Dolph already had his hooks in her. “Listen, I just need you to promise me you’ll be careful, especially around Dolph.” He outstretched his hand, “Give me your phone.” “Uh, why?” Addie stared at him bewilderedly. “Please? I swear no funny business.” Hesitantly, Addie placed her unlocked phone in Baron’s open palm. She watched as he quickly typed away. Satisfied, he gave it back to her. “There, you have my number now. I need you to promise me you’ll call me if there’s anything out of the ordinary.” She just stared at him. “Adelina, promise me!” “Ok, ok! I promise. Why do you care tho?” She asked, making Baron inwardly wince. “Just be safe.” Annoyed at his lack of an answer, Addie curtly nodded and walked away, leaving a pining werewolf in her wake. “You can come out now.” Baron said, looking at a dark corner. “Sorry, I just really wanted to see her rip you a new one.” Ruby said, stifling her laughter. “Now, how the hell did she find out about us?” Huffing, Baron gave her the shortened version of what happened. “Wow, careless much?” She said, taking joy in Baron’s predicament. “Watch it!” He growled out, his wolf taking over at her disrespect. “Sorry alpha.” She quickly said, not wanting him to lose his shit. “Good.” He nudged her head with his, “I need you to do me a favor. I need you to keep an eye on Addie especially when Dolph’s around. I don’t want him pulling the same old shit he always does.” —- Addie sat with Dolph, laughing at his ridiculous stories, when she noticed Baron storming out of catering. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt a pull towards him, stronger than some silly crush. “You with me, cutie?” Dolph asked, gently placing his hand on hers. “Y-Yeah, sorry. Just a lot in my mind.” She smiled. “So, I was wondering if you wanna go for a walk ‪tomorrow night? It’s supposed to be a lunar eclipse. I was thinking we could bring a blanket, find a nice spot and watch it together? What do you say?” He asked, placing his hand on hers. “Um, sure. That sounds like fun!” Dolph pulled her hand towards his lips but was interrupted by someone putting their plate right between them, forcing Dolph to release Addie’s hand. “Hey guys! Mind if I sit?” Ruby asked as she plopped down between them. Irritated, Dolph stood, glaring at Ruby, who was sporting a shit eating grin on her face. No doubt Baron had told her to watch over Addie. She seemed to pop up whenever Dolph got a little close for comfort. Before leaving he turned to Addie. “See you ‪tomorrow night‬, cutie.” He said, winking at her then walked away. “So, you two seem to be getting kinda close.” Ruby blurted out while popping a strawberry in her mouth. “Oh, I mean I guess. He’s been nice, a little much at times, but...” Addie trailed off. “But he’s no Baron.” Paige blurted out as she joined them, sporting a pair of dark sunglasses with a sliver hydro flask in her hands. “Geez! Say it louder, why don’t you, for those who didn’t hear you!” Addie whisper yelled. “Ok, ok, sorry love!” Paige said, although her smirk said otherwise. “What’re you doing here, babe?” Addie asked Paige, who was usually on Smackdown. “Oh, creative wanted to film a segment between Baron and I but decided last minute to nix it, so now I’m here with you lovelies!” She explained, watching as Ruby cuddled into Addie’s side. Addie had begun to notice as of late that Ruby had become more physical than usual. Constantly hugging her, increased kisses on her cheeks, forehead and nose, or snuggling up to her if they sat next to each other. Addie didn’t mind tho. Growing up an only child, she never had the joy of siblings. Bless Ruby tho, she tried to contain herself, she really did, but itt was difficult for her. She could feel Baron’s unacknowledged love for Addie through the pack bond which in turn made Ruby feel so much affection for her as well. Unbeknownst to the outside world, the love a pack has for their luna is extremely strong and is stronger than their love for their alpha. She is the mother of their pack, the heart. The only thing that can calm down an angry alpha with just a simple touch. Any pack member would gladly die for their luna and alpha. Clearing her throat, Ruby looked at Addie, she couldn’t get that strange scent outta her mind. Leaning closer, Ruby pressed her nose into Addie’s neck, inhaling deeply. Had she been a lesser wolf, like say a rogue, she would’ve missed it completely. “Hey” Addie giggled, “what are you doing?” Playfully pushing Ruby away. By now Nia, Alexa, Alicia and Nattie had joined them, all laughing at Ruby’s strange behavior. That was, until she sat up straight, tears brimming her eyes. “Ru-Ru, what’s wro-“ “You’re sick.” Was all she said. Everything fell dead silent. Addie felt her heart drop as she stared at Ruby, confused to high hell at how she found out. “What are you talking ab-“ she tried to play it off but Ruby was having none of that. “You’re. Sick.” She repeated, this time with a little force as a bastard tear slid down her cheek. “H-How did you find-“ but before she could finish her sentence, Ruby’s eyes flashed a brilliant gold. Sighing, Addie looked down, remembering Baron telling her that there were more wolves and supernatural creatures out there. “You’re a werewolf too, huh?” Addie asked. She looked around the table at the faces of her friends. None of them seemed surprised by Ruby’s small transformation which could only mean one thing; they were of the supernatural world as well. “Are you all werewolves?” She whispered. “I am. I belong to Baron’s pack.” Nia said proudly. Addie had no idea that Baron was the alpha!! “Ew, no.” Alexa said, a ‘disgusted’ playful look on her face. “I’m a pixie!” Removing her sunglasses, Paige revealed blood red eyes and a dazzling smile complete with two razor sharp fangs. “Vampire, m’love! My eyes are only red when I’m feeding.” She said, jiggling her flask, snickering as Addie tried her hardest not to grimace. “This may not come as a surprise, given my love for cats and all, but I am a werecat.” Nattie announced. “I’m a witch! I belong to Aleister’s coven. I’m sure that doesn’t shock you one bit’ him being a warlock. I mean his name is pretty fitting ‘Aleister Black’. It only makes sense! He also happens to be my husband. We don’t tell many people outside of the coven, but don’t tell anyone or I’ll have to turn you into a toad!!!” Alicia giggled as Addie’s jaw dropped. “I’m just kidding.” The girls giggled at Addie’s reaction, loving that she was trying to keep a calm expression on her face. Then reality set in. They all stared at Addie with forlorn faces. “I’m so sorry, Addie! I didn’t mean to blurt that out.... twice.” Ruby said as tears fell from her eyes. Not being able to explain the pull she felt towards her, Addie immediately engulfed Ruby into her arms, cradling her to her chest. She gently ran her fingers through her ebony hair. Little did she know that her luna instincts were slowly kicking in, something that was extremely rare for a human to possess. “It’s ok. Don’t cry.” She softly cooed, trying to calm her down until she was able to sit up on her own. “Truth be told, I’m actually sort of relieved you all know.” “What do you have?” Nia asked, never being one to beat around the bush. “Leukemia.” “And, how are treatments going?” Nattie piped in. “Um, they’re not.” Addie whispered. “What do you mean?!” Paige demanded. “Treatments are pointless.” Addie admitted, smiling sadly. “How,” Alexa could feel her bottom lip trembling, “how long do you have until...” she couldn’t bring herself to finish her question. “Best case scenario, seven months.” Nobody moved, no utterance of a single word, one could swear that there wasn’t even a breath inhaled or exhaled. Addie lovingly smiled at the beautiful women who sat around her. “No.” Alicia sobbed out, “that’s not right! It isn’t fair.” “It’s ok, I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve lived a great life! I got to travel the world and meet all of you! Let’s not dwell on the sadness of it all. I just want these last few months to be the best ever and I want you all to be a part of it!” “Then the best damn months these will be!!” Alicia exclaimed, the other girls cheering in agreement. Addie couldn’t help the tears of joy that threatened to spill over at the love she felt from her friends. —- “This must be eating you alive.” Dolph said with a cruel laugh. “The hell you talkin about?” Baron could feel the anger crawling up his body as he stared at the rogue. “Knowing that Adelina would rather spend time with a lowly rogue than an all mighty alpha.” He mocked. What Dolph should’ve done was walk away at that point, but he didn’t. “In no time I’ll have her writhing underneath me, begging me for more and screaming my name! Oh yeah, she’ll be the sweetest victory yet.” Without thinking, Baron grabbed Dolph by the collar of his shirt and threw him into the nearest object. Never one to back down from a fight, Dolph got up and charged Baron, slamming him into the wall, leaving behind a huge crack in the hard surface. The sound of fabric ripping and horrible growls filled the air as both men began to shift into their wolves. However Baron, being the stronger of the two, shifted into his wolf twice as fast, leaving Dolph extremely vulnerable. Baron’s wolf stood tall with an unquenchable thirst for blood... Dolph’s blood. Snapping his teeth at Dolph, Baron crouched on his haunches, preparing to lunge, his teeth ready to rip into Dolph’s throat. “Baron, STOP!!” Before Baron could attack, Addie ran between the two of them. Her chest heaving, hands shaking as the adrenaline pumped through her body. The commotion could be heard all the way in catering. Smelling her scent, Dolph had quickly returned to his human form before Addie could reach them, keeping his secret... for now. “The both of you fighting like children! Baron, you could’ve killed Dolph!” She scolded them, angry at their behavior. Baron snapped his teeth again at Dolph, but Addie thought it was directed at her. Mustering up all her courage, she walked closer to Baron and wrapped her hands around his snout, glaring at the giant wolf. “Do not snap your teeth at me, pup!!” She grit out, releasing his jaw. Everyone watching stared in shock. Addie should be dead, torn into ribbons, but in this case, her touch calmed the beast. Baron bowed his head, his ears flattened against his head. “Look around you,” She said calmly, “Not only have you caused tons of damage but you could’ve killed anyone walking by.” “You’re right, Addie, I’m-“ “Don’t even try it, Dolph. You’re just as much to blame!” Baron snickered at Dolph’s defeated look. “The next time you two decide to have a dick measuring contest, make sure you do it in a place where no one can ge-“ She was cut off by a coughing spell, her body getting too excited by her emotions. Addie covered her mouth as she violently coughed, trying desperately to catch her breath. Once it passed she looked back at the two culprits in front of her. She then noticed the uneasy expression on everyone’s face as they stared at Addie. “Addie, sweetie.” The soft voice of Stephanie McMahon brought Addie out of her thoughts, a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I think you need to sit down.” Baron quickly shifted back into his human form, pulling on a pair of sweat pants Corey threw at him. “Oh, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to step out of line.” She stuttered out as a very concerned Hunter joined his wife. “It’s not that honey,” his deep voice reassured her, “um, your hands.” Worried, Addie looked at her hands and gasped in horror as she stared at the blood in her palms. It was only then that she recognized the metallic taste in her mouth. Grabbing a handkerchief from Hunter’s jacket, Stephanie went to help Addie but was beaten by Baron.

Snatching a piece of his torn shirt off the ground, he gently pulled Addie into his arms, turning away from the crowd, shielding her from prying eyes, protecting her from the world. He softly wiped the blood from her mouth and chin, her hands following after. Without thinking, he placed gentle kisses on each knuckle. With a quivering lip, she hung her head and whispered; “It’s spreading faster than predicted.” Feeling eyes burrowing into her, she quietly thanked Baron and ran from the area. Baron went to follow her, his wolf wanting to comfort his luna, but was stopped by Stephanie. “Let her be. She needs to be alone.” the water witch said as a tear slipped down her cheek as Hunter pulled her into his arms, trying to comfort his wife.

Hunter being an older werewolf, once an alpha himself, was able to hear Addie’s talk of something ‘spreading faster’. Concentrating, he picked up the scent of cancer in her body. He had to whisper to Stephanie of his discovery.

It was no secret that Addie held the hearts of many in the WWE. She was always so happy and bubbly, she genuinely cared about everyone she met and was deemed the ‘mother hen’ backstage. She had this innate ability to see into the eyes of all she came into contact with and could always tell when someone was down, ready with a warm hug and a listening ear. The fact that she was slowly being ripped away from them felt like a knife slowly being twisted in their guts. Walking into the nearest bathroom, she splashed her face with cold water. She was so confused by Baron’s actions, him being so hot and cold. She was trying to let go of her feelings for him, but this just made them grow even stronger. Now that she was alone, she allowed herself to breakdown. She sank to the floor, pulling her knees close to her chest as she sobbed into her arms. Through this entire ordeal she convinced herself that she had come to terms with her fate. She was wrong. She cried bitter tears for the husband she’ll never love, the babies she’ll never hold and the life that she’ll never live. Never waking up every morning next to the love of her life or hearing precious little voices call her ‘mama’. Gasping, Addie was startled by the feeling of something rubbing against her leg. Looking down, there was a beautiful orange cat purring. “N-Nattie?” Addie whispered. Sitting up, the cat nodded. Letting out a small whimper, Addie scooped her up into her arms and cradled Nattie to her chest as she cried into her soft fur, Nattie licking away her tears. Finally being able to calm down, Addie wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. She smiled at the orange feline in her arms, petting her back. “Thank you Nattie.” She said as she put her back on the floor. Walking out of the bathroom, Addie felt a strong hand on her shoulder. Turning around smiling, but it slightly faltered when she saw the man in front of her. “Hey cutie, you alright?” Dolph asked as he pulled her into a hug. “No, but I will be.” She answered truthfully. “You wanna reschedule ‪tomorrow night?” He watched as she bit her bottom lip, mulling things over. “No, I wanna watch the stars still. Is that ok with you?” She asked, her eyes closed as she rested her head on his chest. “Of course! I’ll stop by your hotel room ‪around 9 tomorrow night‬, ok cutie?” Not having the energy to speak, she simply nodded. Dolph’s lips curled into a cruel smile. ‘Oh sweet, naive Addie,’ Dolph thought to himself, ‘if only you knew what I have planned.’

+++

Darling little pumpkins:

@haven-raven012591 @hanaslay @melinatedmuse @empress-with-the-crown @kittysilver86 @wrestlingfae @neversatisfiedgirl @calwitch @lost-in-the-stories @feathers-and-flesh-and-wrestling @captainwinterwriter @imagine-all-the-fandoms @hardyfangirl3 @yndaree @belsoleleann @briqueenofthenorth @finnbalorsbabygirl @nonnirenea @team-elias @houndsofjxstice @scarlettquinn

#baron corbin x oc #female!oc #werewolves #wwe #baron corbin angst #baron corbin fluff #baron corbin fanfiction #baron corbin werewolf #baron corbin imagine #Baron Corbin #wwe fanfiction #wwe imagine #wwe fluff #angst #fluff

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thedegenerateasexual · 7 years ago

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i’m liveblogging chapters 2-7 (they’re short chapters, i don’t wanna make too many posts, but this one is actually super long, so whatever) of let’s talk about love under the cut - i started on my main, but there’s too much sex stuff in it to keep going there (sigh) so i’m moving it over here. i should have just done it here to begin with, smh. (bolding still mine)

After five days of awkwardly inching around each other in their room, [Margot] had told Alice she wanted a “clean break” right before she finished moving out. Didn’t even want to be friends anymore because asexuality was unnatural.

(Okay, so maybe Margot didn’t say that exactly, but that’s how it felt.)

hey, margot can get fucked, this is how people wind up internalizing some serious bullshit

Moschoula had tanned skin, the kind of color that implied she was most likely mixed rather than white, with kinky, natural burnt-orange hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head.

Cutie Code: Yellow, no question about it.

An intense obsession with aesthetics had taken Alice by surprise in high school and she had begun to code her reactions. She had created Alice’s Cutie Code™, complete with a color wheel for easy categorizations—from Green to Red, with all the colors in between.

HTIS IS SO CUTE this is not unlike Asexual Bingo what a universal Ace Mood™ to make up internal little categorizations like this (also moschoula sounds like a babe)

[Alice] had met Moschoula and her friends during a Pride rally at school. She was the only girl in that group who didn’t snub Alice for being bi.

HEY AND THERE’S ANOTHER THING bi people get so much bullshit for being bi so even tho she isn’t out as ace the fact that she’s biromantic still puts her in a place where she’s less likely to feel welcome in queer spaces like if she got snubbed for that no wonder she doesn’t wanna come out as ace

It had all been Margot’s idea. She had kissed Alice first. She had convinced her to date. She had wanted this, wanted her. And Alice had fallen for it and Margot and everything they were and could be. She had believed in Margot and their relationship. Had thought herself to death about it, and each night it resurrected itself in her dreams. Margot made her want this specific brand of happiness. Made her believe she could have it.

Feeling stupid didn’t even cover it.

i feel like I’M the one sitting in a coffeeshop and crying my eyes out

How could Margot say something like that?

What made sex so integral that people couldn’t separate the emotional love they felt from one physical act?

Love shouldn’t hinge solely on exposing your physical body to another person. Love was intangible. Universal. It was whatever someone wanted it to be and should be respected as such. For Alice, it was staying up late and talking about nothing and everything and anything because you didn’t want to sleep—you’d miss them too much. It was catching yourself smiling at them because wow, how does this person exist?? before they caught you. It was the intimacy of shared secrets. The comfort of unconditional acceptance. It was a confidence in knowing no matter what happened that person would always be there for you.

If Alice couldn’t even tell Margot she was asexual, then no, she hadn’t been in love.

YOU GO ALICE NO YOU WEREN’T & also she sounds like a jerk anyway

Moschoula tapped the back of Alice’s hand. “It’s good to see you smile.”

“Only for you.”

“You know my girlfriend hates it when you say things like that to me.”

“Adoration and continuous compliments are how I express my affections.” Alice rolled her eyes. “And it’s not like I say it in front of her. There’s literally nothing to be jealous of.”

Moschoula sighed. “I think she just wants you to, uh, compliment her, too.”

“Oh.” Alice pursed her lips. “I thought she didn’t like me, but I think I can arrange that.”

1. is moschoula poly because that’d be rad 2. what a mood what are friends for if you can’t compliment them all the time like obviously never ever give out fake compliments but Still (also hey look at that! ace can still be affectionate to lots of people! it’s one of those base things u know objectively but like it’s so nice to see up close)

chapter 3:

she found a pic of her and margot while moving in w/ her bestie and her bestie’s bf and she’s sad and i’m sad:

She noticed Margo’s giant mound of hair before anything else about her—it was that natural sunlit blond tempered with streaks of light and dark brown that sent customers in droves to hair salons. It complemented her beautiful olive skin, soft gray eyes, and that wickedly easy smile always up for a challenge.

She was Cutie Code: Orange-Red and then she was just Margot before becoming Alice’s Margot, but now she wasn’t anything.

Because Alice was a Corpse.

Because she was unnatural and incapable of loving someone.

(God, when in the hell was this going to stop hurting?)

this shit is exactly what i mean! she even knows better than to believe it and it still hits below the belt!

omg okay so she is out to some people!! her bestie’s bf at least:

[Ryan] plucked the picture from her fingers. “It’s for your own good,” he said when she protested. “I just can’t believe she said that to you. I mean, I know you’re not lying, but she seemed so nice.”

“It’s the nice ones you have to watch out for.” She crossed her arms. “Or whatever that stupid saying is. Why can’t I find someone who loves being with me, as is, as much as I love being with them? Romantically. Am I asking for too much?”

“I say this cautiously because it’s not the only answer, but maybe try dating someone who’s ace, too.”

She scoffed. “Long-distance relationships are not my jam, and that’s probably all I’d find. The Internet is great, a lot of my friends live there, but I want a partner who’s here with me.” She flicked a white speck off a black stuffed bear before setting it down on her sliver of a desk. The thing was barely three feet wide. “I’m tired of putting myself out there,” she mumbled.

god damn what a mood

“If you need to cry, then cry, but just promise me you won’t do it in front of Feenie, please.” He glanced at the doorway before lowering his voice. “I’ve already had to talk her out of driving to Margot’s house this week. Twice.”

“But she lives in Iowa.”

“Twice,” he repeated. “You know how she gets.”

Feenie had always been (lovingly) overprotective of Alice. If she had told Feenie what Margot had actually said, Feenie would probably disappear into the night and her mug shot would be everywhere in the morning.

feenie’s a good egg.

Back then, Alice … didn’t even know if she had wanted to date yet, but she also didn’t have any doubts about her asexuality. She had spent countless hours thinking and coming to terms with what that meant, the kind of future she wanted to have, and if that could possibly include another person.

The bottom line was her body had never shown so much as a flicker of sexual interest in anyone. But that didn’t mean she liked being alone. That didn’t mean she wasn’t lonely. That didn’t mean she didn’t want romance and didn’t want to fall in love. It didn’t mean she couldn’t love someone just as fiercely as they loved her.

this is also a mood like…i don’t know ANY ace person who hasn’t at one point had to think about this - like to so many people to be asexual is to be alone and that’s just facts. and yeah, of course it’s not true objectively, but when it’s your life and you’re looking at all those long years in your future it’s not as easy to feel so sure

omg so her parents called and her mom is apparently kind of overbearing…alicve is going to law school! her whole family is lawyers so alice must also be lawyer except she hasn’t declared her major yet

loving this parental conflict tbh like as good as the ace stuff is i love that she can be more than that

chapter 4:

ALICE IS MEME GARBAGE PASS IT ON

Cara waved back before pointing toward the table closest to the elevator.

Alice looked—her Cutie Code™ immediately shot up to Red.

(That hadn’t happened at first sight since the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last year and never in the wild.)

She stopped in front of the elevator, facing forward, and pressed the button. A curious, nervous sensation wriggled and rooted itself down inside her chest. Alice looked over her shoulder again, blinking rapidly at the person reading on his phone, completely oblivious.

Only his profile was visible. Tanned skin. Dark eyebrows. Strong chin. And a tiny curl of hair brushing against his forehead. He held his thumbnail in between his teeth, his index finger curving over his top lip, the rest of his hand curled into a loose fist. Most likely to hide his smile—whatever he was reading was making him adorably happy.

Her Cutie Code™ ticked upward until it strained against the top.

The elevator pinged. Alice shrugged off the sensation and walked inside. Turning around, she pressed the button for the fifth floor.

Just as the doors began to close, the Cutie Code: Red person in question lifted his head, looking right at Alice. She staggered backward, clutching the banister as the elevator began to ascend.

Kill Bill sirens blared in Alice’s head.

KILL BILL SIRENS LOL

also like…what a mood. every once in awhile it’s like a lightning strike. and u just have to stagger a lil bit

The elevator hummed and whirred, the floors illuminated and darkened as they were passed, and the air inside wrapped her in its warm, fake-pine smelling embrace. Same as always. Nothing had changed, magically making today the day she became moments away from suffering a massive heart attack.

Sure, she hadn’t worked out for a while (see: ever) and her diet primarily consisted of ramen noodles during lean times (see: all the time), but this was a bit overkill. Her body had, at least, a minimum of fifteen years before she had to worry about that kind of thing.

Out of the elevator and in the hall, she took a moment to catch her breath. It was a hop, skip, and a jump to the break room and she wasn’t sure if it was empty. The library didn’t have many employees, but the last thing she needed was someone to spot her and ask if she was okay.

(In her mind, she was sure she had that whole deer about to die in the headlights look going on.)

OMG ALICE GIRL CALM DOWN LOL this is so cute im gonna die

Alice blew out a huff of breath. Right, then. Time for work. The continued cute analysis would have to wait.

(Maybe he would still be downstairs.…)

(FOCUS, WOMAN!)

(Right!)

ic annot believe this

She tried to take a sly peek to see who it was and … Jesus.

(Sweet God in heaven, have mercy on her soul.)

Her Cutie Code™ blasted straight past the Red zone. If it were a pressure gauge, the glass would have cracked right down the middle.

He was gorgeous—and that was not a word Alice threw around lightly. Not just “Hi, I’m the new boy next door” gorgeous, but the kind of gorgeous that would make you slap your mama. The kind of gorgeous you’d stab your best friend of twenty years in the back, set her house on fire, and drive off into the sunset with her husband for. Have sex in the break room at work even though you know there are security cameras in there gorgeous.

As if she’d actually do any of those things.

She always laughed at characters who lost every last drop of their common sense on TV and in movies when someone too attractive for words crossed their path. If this guy was on a show, he’d be considered the kind of gorgeous that would cause midseason plot twists and act-two spinouts, leaving the viewer on the edge of their seat because their beloved characters were goners after looking into those dark brown eyes.

And he stared at her.

(Too much cute.)

(A veritable cutie-induced overload.)

There was a place for cute and every cute in its place. Whoever he was hadn’t just exceeded her scale. He had broken it.

Cutie Code: Black—the Next Generation.

It had to either be him or the heart attack had been replaced by a disorienting fever virus. This was how it happened in the movies: some poor soul (Alice) was doing great, having a perfectly normal (and punctual!) day. And then, in some innocuous way, they’d have contact with Patient Zero (him) and boom—uncontrollable sweating, fever, chills, hemorrhaging, and then … death.

This wouldn’t kill her (possibly), but she had an idea what it was.

Attraction: The Final Frontier.

The Fatal-est Attraction.

Death Becomes Attraction.

im sry this was such a long excerpt but i am absolutely cackling like 1. YEP THERE IT IS LOL 2. the bolded is such a mood 3. this technically makes her gray-ace!!!!! wow i love her

so he’s working at the library with her and the rest of this chapter is her showing him how to clock in and using as few words as possible bc she’s wigging out and like forgot how to talk like a normal human being. lowkey he keeps grinning at her so i think he’s got her number

also, he has blue hair. wonderful

chapter 5:

“Why are you crying? What happened?” Feenie’s concerned face filled the screen on Alice’s phone.

OMG HONEY PLEASE UR GONNA BE OKAY i can’t believe this i want to hug her that’s the first line of chapter five

BACKSTORY TIME:

In elementary school, while all of Alice’s friends had talked about boys they liked, she had kept quiet.

In middle school, she had pretended to have a crush on Patrick Furlong so she would have someone to talk about, too.

(This was where she had begun to perfect the art of playing along.)

In high school, Alice had gone all out, pretending to be hopelessly in love with Sam Oliphant. She had damn near snatched the this love is our destiny crown right off Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald Crane Winthrop’s head.

oh damn mood lmao i spent so much time in school pretending to have crushes on boys

But this had been where Alice messed up. Turned out, Sam had a thing for Alice, too. A different kind of thing, but a thing nonetheless.

He had asked her out. She had to say yes.

Oh No

Alice had been trying to sort out the difference between romantic attraction (which she felt) and sexual attraction (which she didn’t). By the end of their first week together, she knew for a fact that she didn’t even want to be Sam’s friend anymore. He was an awful human being. A human-shaped garbage fire. A waste of space and genetic material.

But finally, finally, she fit in perfectly with her friends.

(Peer pressure was a helluva drug.)

ARE YOU KIDDING THIS EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME LOL (he STROKED my arm and SNAPPED my bra stap, WITHOUT permission, IN the hallway while EVERYONE was changing classes)

the reason i didn’t break up with him wasn’t because of peer pressure (i didn’t really have many friends) because i didn’t want to be mean and hurt his feelings (looking back: bananas, but he had like…….bought me presents), but then he kissed another girl in the cafeteria so i was free to shove a mean locker in his letter and never speak to him again, thank the good lord

Normal felt like a constant state of despair, but they had stopped teasing her. Had stopped giving her pitying looks, calling her “innocent” and excluding her from sleepovers because she had nothing romantic to gossip about.

Fast-forward six months, she’s dumped with a new nickname. The Corpse. Because kissing him had been an ordeal to overcome. Because she never seemed interested in touching him (see: jacking him off). Because she had just lay there while Sam had sex with her, and he had told everyone.

lmao im gonna start crying again wow. wow. she hated him and still let him & he did her like that. okay. this is fine. i want to fly out there & kill him

Whenever Alice thought about that time, two things stuck out:

One—Francine Loren’s mock whisper in the locker room: “I heard she didn’t moan. Not even when he went down on her.”

Two—the curiously soft sound of Feenie’s fist connecting with Francine’s face layered with the instantaneous crunch of bone cracking.

FEENIE IS A GOOD EGG AND I LOVE HER what teenage me wouldn’t have given for someone to punch a particular person in the face for me

Feenie standing up for her gave Alice the courage to tell her friend the truth. She had confessed she thought something might be wrong, so one day, after health class, they had talked to their teacher, who then said the word: asexual.

man…………………….look………..as much as i bitch and whine about a lot of ace media (see: fic, there is no ace media) being like This Person Is Asexual Here Is A Vocabulary Lesson college 101 course type stuff…can you FUCKIGN imagine if a health teacher could just tell you this shit? my health teachers werent even allowed to talk about gay people, or orgasms - one time when someone asked how you know sex is over the reply was “it’s over when the man ejaculates” - imagine if you could just go to someone and get told there was nothing wrong with you!

like alice dealt with this for SIX MONTHS and let someone she hated touch her body and that is HORRIBLE enough right there, but like i hear of stories of 60-year-olds with kids realizing that shit about themselves, & like…not to get personal! (about to get personal) i was with someone who was, uh, really horrible, for YEARS, & he was giving me all that rhetoric margot was spewing on the daily

& it took SO MUCH internet reading to figure it out and even when i did i was like, no, no, i’m demi, i can be attracted to him because i love him, & while part of that was bc i was afraid of making him angry (horrible! he was horrible) another part of me was because i was SO SURE (going back to what they talked about in the first chapter) that if i couldn’t enjoy sex w/ him i couldn’t love him. (so was he!) like….i figured out what i was and it felt right as in correct but not right as in good. my IMMEDIATE kneejerk reaction was “no god not this i cannot be this there has to be some way to make myself not this”

anyway sorry that sure was a textwall of unnecessary bullshit i’m so relieved no one will be interested enough to read this post but this book is Real & touches me deeply is all im saying

Feenie eyed her, keeping her face neutral. “And you think you’re attracted to him?”

“What else could it be? It’s not just me appreciating how cute something is like I usually do. He’s beautiful, Feenie. I almost melted into primordial soup of Alice.”

“And he’s so beautiful, you think you want to have sex with him?”

Alice fidgeted in her seat. “I’m not sure.”

Feenie gave her a withering look. “Okay, well, how did he make you feel?”

“Like I was stupid. I’m serious! Don’t look at me like that. My mind went completely blank and filled up with white noise.”

AWWW HONEY she is crying because she felt attraction & see on the other end even once you’ve finally internalized all the Good Shit™ sometimes that will happen and ur like Oh No I’m a Bad Ace I Really Was Just Broken All Along god that’s rough buddy i’m so glad she has such a good best friend

The Cutie Code™ was a fun game, but it was also a system used for critical analysis—Alice’s way of processing the different kinds of attraction everyone else seemed to experience. She only shared her system/game with those whose opinions she trusted, to see how her coding compared to theirs.

It was about feeling—the level of emotions it could evoke from her, how likely it would be to make her squee, and most important, how did her body physically respond to it.

A naked, muscular male chest was Code: Red for Feenie. Meanwhile, it was Uncodable for Alice. Over time, it expanded to include everything, and Alice had become obsessed with it.

i love that she has this way of classifying things internally and like…that it’s different for everybody like my internal way of classifying things is not at all like this but it’s all valid n shit

She needed to push it to the back of her mind, get some perspective. Tomorrow, when she got to work, everything would be the way it was before she ever laid eyes on Takumi. She’d call it a fluke, yes, a one-off event, due to her body short-circuiting from stress. It would not happen again.

chapter 6:

Oh dear God.

She had been wrong. So very, very wrong.

lmao

The feelings, the sensations, came right back, flooding into her like they had never faded. Alice had always wondered what physical attraction would feel like, and while she didn’t necessarily dislike it, she wished there were a button she could press to turn it back off.

oh MOOD. me daily when i see Certain People: that’s enough of that allo bullshit, thanks

And she was still mystified. And attracted. Like a giant dumbstruck moth to a supernaturally beautiful bug zapper. Screaming was most definitely not in Alice’s best interests, but that didn’t stop the urge to want to do it.

alice is SO valid i love and support her

Essie was determined to crack the Cutie Code™. Once, it baffled her how a painted image of the aurora borealis could surpass her own Code: Yellow. Essie had spent a solid twenty minutes arguing how she was more attractive than some “weird, squiggly green lights in the sky.”

There’s no way Alice would admit that Takumi was Code: Black. Once she explained it, vainer-than-vain Essie might lovingly murder her.

cutie code is also valid i love that like it encompasses everything and not just people that’s such a cool look into the way that other people work - this is the kind of shit i mean when i say being ace is about more than not being attracted to other people - just like how when you’re gay you don’t do all that Straight Culture BS like saying babies have boy/girlfriends or whatever - like, being ace, it’s often a terribly lonely, isolating experience that can be full of self-loathing, but it’s a contemplative one too, and when romance is off the table (by choice or not) there can be so much joy in the other kinds of connections you make with people, anyway i absolutely love the cutie code

chapter 7:

there’s this whole long thing about her sister beign like CALL ME and alice being like LMAO NO which is also a mood

omg and then while shes waitin on her bus takumi sits down next to her

“Do you want a ride?”

A ride. In his car. Alone.

Good God.

She shook her head.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

“I’m fine. All the time. I mean, I take the bus. All the time.” She gave herself a mental high five for forming actual words.

this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

“Are,” Takumi began slowly, “you okay?”

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You seem kind of”—he moved farther down the seat away from her, eyes concerned—“tense.”

girl i know

“Still not feeling talkative, huh?” he teased.

“It’s your fault,” she blurted, making him laugh.

“Is that right?” He tilted his head to the side, smiling while biting his bottom lip.

A severe hot flash ripped through her, level: wildfire. It started in her head and scorched its way downward until it singed the coral pink nail polish off her toes. It may have been due to embarrassment or possibly desire (???), because, at that moment, they felt eerily similar to her.

desire (???) is the BIGGEST ace mood

She knew that look.

The Look. The one a person used when they tried to figure out if they liked what they saw enough to date. Not even a month ago, she wished people would stop giving her that look so she wouldn’t ever have to explain about being asexual. Did she want Takumi to find her attractive? She wasn’t sure, because what if he did? What if he asked her out?

What if, what if, what if?

Why, why, why?

Margot’s smiling face popped into her head. A warning. This was the beginning, and regardless of what happened with Takumi in the middle, everything would end with that one word. He’d want to know. She’d have to explain.

OH NOOOOOO this is so sad like………yeah obviously you’re gonna stop bothering lmao when you already know how it will end. garbage! that’s garbage!

anyway With That i unfortunately have to sleep it’s 6am

but this is the best book EVER

#ltal #personal #too personal lol w/e #this is the best book EVER!!!!!!

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gguksgalaxy · 8 years ago

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Chased pt. 2

Chased – Engraved <– Engraved 16 | Engraved 16.5 –> <– Chased 1 | Chased 3 –>

Short: Unlucky in love, Kim Jongdae finds himself wanted by a problem seeking journalist. What could not go wrong? Words: 3409 Type: Fluff/Smut/Angst Pairing: Chen x Sora (oc) Notes for Update: 25 Warnings: Jongdae still being a dick, but now a hurt dick, vomiting, blood, injuries, small tho, alcohol. A/N: This will run chronologically with Engraved, but it’s not needed to read this to understand Engraved, but the parts posted for Engraved after this will contain spoilers. It is also not necessary to read Engraved to understand what is happening here. But it will make things more clear.

Jongdae pov

Jongdae walked down the street, it was an icy cold night and it was pitch dark here. Most of the streetlights were busted and it didn’t make his mood any better. His hands were stuffed in his pocket, but still freezing, but maybe shaking more from anger. Or was it something else was feeling. This whole situation was messed up. What Kyungsoo did to Angel, those bruises, it made him furious. That she’d still trust him after that was beyond him. He’d been ready to punch the life out of Kyungsoo and the emotion honestly kind of scared him. Just the idea of him laying his hands on Angel again. He grumbled something and lashed out to the side, knuckles scraping along a brick wall and he felt the tear of skin. Jongdae didn’t wince, he didn’t even bother to check whether he was bleeding, cuz he probable was. And frankly, he didn’t care.

After over an hour of endless strolling through dark alleys and places you shouldn’t come when it’s dark he passed his old house. He didn’t know he was going there, but his heart must’ve taken him. He looked up at the building, two stories, small, pushed in between other houses of the same state. Some windows were broken and open, others were nailed shut with wooden boards. The door was hanging on it’s hinges. Nobody lived here, nobody had lived here after his family. It was a small house, 2 bedrooms, 1 tiny bathroom, a kitchen just enough for a family of three, and a living room where they’d had a roughed up couch and a lounge chair. Why he found himself in tears, he wasn’t sure, but he blinked them away and walked past. There was something heavy sitting in his gut and he wanted it gone, whatever it was. Whether it was about Angel, or Kyungsoo, or his familial house, he didn’t know. But it made his skin feel uneasy and his hands were shaking. Soon, or well, soon, he actually had no good idea of what time it was, but it was closing in on midnight. That’s when he passed the Flying Dutch, the bar Sora had taken him too last time. And he thought why not, he could use a drink. So he unzipped his leather jacket and stepped inside, it was warm and bustling. He shrugged his jacket off and placed it over the barstool beside the one he sat on. The guy behind the bar was the same one as before. “Red wine?” he asked. “Yeah.” He was younger than him, maybe 22, blonde hair, swept back. He handed him his drink. “You should get that checked out.” He said, pointing at him hand. Jongdae looked at his knuckles, there the skin was broken and there was blood staining his fingers. “I’ll be okay.” He mumbled, and took a big gulp of his drink. He put his phone on the counter, and found he had 8 missed calls from Angel, and 3 from Kyungsoo. Not that he felt the need to call back, not now. The youngster behind the bar kept eyeing him suspiciously, and he just let his eyes glide over the people inside. Most of them were around his age, college students. Girls in too short skirts and guys with v-necks that were too deep for his liking. “I haven’t seen you around here before.” This girl stepped up to him, dressed in skinny jeans and a tank top that showed a sliver of skin around her stomach. “I don’t usually come here.” “Can I get you a drink?” she offered, leaning on the bar beside him. She cocked her head to the side, running her fingers through her black hair. He noted she wasn’t wearing a bra, and it didn’t suit her right her top was way too thing. He held up his glass to her. “I still have.” That’s when she noticed his hand. “Jeez, are you okay?” she reached out for him and he pulled back. “Don’t, I’m not interested in you, you’re flirting with the wrong guy. “ “Are you taken?” she narrowed her eyes. “No, I’m not interested.” He repeated. She scoffed, flipped her hair over her shoulder and pranched away, swaying her hips. He was sure she’d find some other guy who was in for a quick fuck. He unlocked his phone, and scrolled through his contact, quickly passing Angel’s name as if he hadn’t seen it. There was that knot in his stomach again and he just closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He ordered another wine and twisted his phone on the counter. What he did next, after his third wine, he didn’t know why, but he did it. He dialled the number and waited for her to pick up. “Sora.” She answered. “Come drink.” “Where.” “Your sketchy place, I’m having a drink by myself, and I want company.” She paused. “So now I’m your booty call?” “Booze call, come on.” “Fine.” She mumbled, but he knew she wouldn’t have denied. He waited for her, ordering another red wine and a beer. She came in wearing the same ripped black jeans but now paired with a loose v-neck sweater and right then and there he thought she looked good. Really good. Even though the cleavage might’ve been too much for her. Her long legs carried her over to where he stood, and she brushed her red hair away from her face. As she reached her arm up he saw a bit of skin on her side and he wanted to touch it. “Hi.” She said, but she frowned. “What happened to your face?” Sora reached out and grabbed his chin, turning his face to the side. “Did someone beat you?” He pushed her hand away. “Leave it, it’s fine.” “Jongdae you have a cut under your eye.” “Huh?” She reached inside her purse and shoved a mirror in his face. He blinked a few times and then spotted the cut, it was under his eye along his cheekbone. It wasn’t big, and there was a little smear on his cheek. Probably where Angel’s ring caught his skin or something. He reached out with his hand to touch his cheek that was still a bit red, and found it sore. It might bruise a little, she packed some power. “Jongdae your hand, what the hell.” She roughly grabbed his wrist, and inspected his wrecked knuckles. “Did you get into a fight?” “No.” “Jongdae?” “No! Leave it, I called you here to have fun, not to judge me. Jesus.” He grumbled, and drank a bit of his wine. “So, you’re going to drink or not?” She sighed and grabbed his jacket, placing it over her lap and sitting down. “I’ll have one drink with you, tell me what happened.” She grabbed the beer and put it to her lips. There was a faint sheen of what seemed like lip balm and she kept eye contact while swallowing, on purpose. “Did you get into a fight?” “No, listen Sora, it’s personal, I don’t want to talk about it really.” This wasn’t making him feel better, he just needed to relax. She rolled her eyes and took another sip. “So, it’s about a girl.” He choked on his wine and coughed loudly. “Excuse me.’ Sora got up from her chair, her own coat over her arm. “She’s calling you right now Jongdae, Angel, sounds like a girl to me.” Jongdae looked sideways at his phone and saw that Angel was indeed calling him, again. “I’ll be leaving then, I’m not doing this when you’re dating someone.” Jongdae took her wrist to hold her back. “Angel is not my girlfriend.” “But this is about her?” He contemplated, looking at his phone and then at Sora. The hurt look in her dark eyes, he hadn’t meant to cause that. “Not here.” She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Then where Jongdae? Ha? Listen I’m not investing my time in a guy who’s hooked up on someone else, I’m not that girl.” Jongdae stoop up and touched her arms. “I know you’re not, and I’m not that guy either. But Angel she…she’s my best friend and we got into a fight and-“ “She did that to you.” She pointed at his hand. “What is she? An animal?” “No, I did that to myself.” It dawned on her, “Let’s go to my place. It’s 10 minutes from here.” He stumbled over the edge of the door when they left, and she almost fell with him. “Jesus, how much did you drink?” “I’m not drunk,” he grumbled. “Might be tipsy, but I’m not drunk,” She chuckled lightly as they reached her car. It was a small one, red model Kia, cute. The interior didn’t smell new but it looked nice and clean, organised. No left over McDonalds boxes in the back, or clothes or something. “You didn’t intend on drinking a lot? I mean if you came by car.” She shook her head and turned into a parking lot under an apartment building. “No, I have school tomorrow. I was studying when you called.” “I’m much more fun than you’re books.” He said, looking at her. She looked to the side and he winked. She blushed and it was cute. “Here were are, let’s go.” They got out of the car, and took the elevator up to her room. She was looking at him, taking him in. “You look good though, I mean apart from the blood and upcoming bruise.” He smirked at her, lightly. “I know.” “I normally don’t like cocky guys, but it looks good on you.” She opened the door to her apartment, he trailed behind her with his good hand in his pocket. “This is my apartment, please make yourself at home, but don’t ruin anything.” He nodded and walked for the couch. “Nice place, this what you were studying?” he touched the papers on the table that were strew about by the laptop. Something about legal aspects of journalism. She came by him, put two glasses on the table and poured in whiskey. He was about to open his mouth. “This is all I have, so suck it up.” He grabbed the glass and threw it back in once, which earned him a smack over the head. “If you get drunk I don’t care, if you get so drunk you can’t get home I’ll kill you.” “Hmm pretty lady, come at me.” He winked slyly. She rolled her yes and disappeared into the bathroom, so he poured himself another glass. Sora returned with, of course, a first aid kit, and sat down next to him. She was warm, and he felt it, her thigh pressed against his. Why was he so hyperaware? Without a word, the took one swig of the glass and then grabbed his hand and placed it on her leg. The material of her jeans was soft, and so were her hands. Delicate thin fingers, that took good work of disinfecting his wound, wiping away the blood. She was so gentle, and he silently watched as she wrapped his knuckles in some bandage. “There. Now tell me, Angel?” He sighed, leaning back. “She’s my best friend and, we got into this fight. We never fight, and I got angry and I lashed out at her, verbally, so she slapped me. And I felt like I got pushed aside and I don’t know. I’m pissed.” “You’re sad.” “No I’m angry, don’t confuse.” “You’re confusing your own emotions, but hey if you like to drink them away be my guest. Just don’t puke on my carpet.” She laughed, and her laugh made him laugh. His eyes fell on the clock and it was well past 2am. He downed the glass and held it out to her. “Well then let’s do it, but drink with me.” She couldn’t help but chuckle, and leant up to grab the bottle and pour in some more for both of them. He clanked his glass with hers, and she watched him intently. For a second he let his eyes slide over the curve of her body, her legs crossed over each other, leaning back. The soft dip by her collarbone where her sweater had dropped of her shoulder and the strap of her bra was exposed. Her skin was dotted with little freckles, even there, and she looked so so soft. He remembered the shirt she was wearing previous time, and noticed she was probably wearing a pushup bra. It didn’t suit her, she didn’t need it. “So, you’re staring at me.” She mused, looking at him. “Can’t I?” “I thought you didn’t like me.” “Hmmm I don’t have a thing for you, but you’re attractive.” He said, and it made her blush and scoff at the same time. She had that attitude, but she was more affected than she lead on. He wasn’t sure if he was playing with her, but he liked it. Her phone rang, and she sighed. It was beside him, on the arm of the couch but he didn’t make a move of getting it. He arched an eyebrow when she did, and she grumbled something and stood up. When she placed one of her legs past his he made his move. Jongdae pulled her down, and she landed straight in his lap, straddling him. He cupped the back of her neck and kissed her. He devoured her mouth, it was on from the first moment. She parted her lips eagerly and he delved inside her mouth. He groaned deep in his chest at the feeling of her hands reaching in his hair. The easy way in which he pulled small moans and whines from her only spurred him on. His tongue piercing ticked against her teeth, and he pressed it against her pulse point when he kissed down her neck. She hissed when he sank his teeth into the same spot, sucking harshly. Jongdae practically growled when she tightened her fist in his hair and pulled. He dragged his tongue along her collarbone, and she pressed closer. With his fingers now splayed over her back, he felt how warm she was. He wanted to drown in her, she tasted so nice, and smelled nice to. Like chocolate and coffee. When he was done sucking little quick fading red marks on her shoulder, he reconnected their mouths. He slid his hands down past her ass to her thighs, and he pulled her a little closer. His fingers dug into the flesh of her thighs, even through the skinny jeans, and he relished in the feeling. Her chest pressed flat against his, and with every little shift of her hips he felt himself twitch in his pants. “Fuck.” He grumbled against her lips, especially when she decided to suck his bottom lip into her mouth and lightly nibble on it. She slid a hand between them, up from his stomach to his chest where she brushed her thumb over his nipple piercing. He moaned into her mouth, and she smirked against his lips. She’d obviously found something there, as she did it again, less accidental this time. It sent shivers up and down his spine and his jeans grew more and more uncomfortable. She kissed him deeply, hands sliding up his arms slowly and softly. It was nice to feel how pliant she was, how soft she was, there was no hard feeling of muscle beneath the skin. He could squeeze where he wanted, and he did. Causing her to let out a little whine as he grabbed her ass. He lifted her a little, trying not to break the sloppy kiss. The kiss was loud, and handy, and wet, and he couldn’t care less. All he wanted was to feel her against him as he lifted her up and shifted them. With her legs now encircled around his waist he pressed her against the couch. The cushions dipped, and he found place between her thighs. Sora tried to find a more comfortable place, shifting underneath him, and he let out a groan when she bucked up right against his hard on. It startled her, and he noticed. Her hand pushed at his chest. “Jongdae.” She mumbled, and he kissed down her neck. “Jongdae stop.” He pulled back, a little in shock. Her lips were red and swollen from the kissing. “What?” he asked. “Jongdae we shouldn’t do this.” “You don’t want to?” “You’re hurt Jongdae, it’s not right.” She pushed him up a little, and sat back down against the armrest. “Don’t get me wrong, that was by far the best kiss I’ve had, but I’m not sleeping with you when you’re like this.” He looked at her, sighed and moved over, sitting down on the couch with his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, and leant his head in his hands. God what did he just do. He’s angry and upset because his best friend slapped him and didn’t pick his side. And here he is, ready to sleep with the girl who obviously likes him a lot and he doesn’t originally want anything to do with. There was a fog of alcohol clouding his head and for a minute he wondered what would’ve happened if she hadn’t stopped him. Would he have gone through with it? Slept with her? That made everything seem even worse and his stomach twisted. “Sora, where is your bathroom.” He asked, not looking at her. “Oh down the little hall there and on the left.” She pointed and he looked up at her, nodding. He stood up on shaky legs, feeling his head spinning for a second. That’s when he knew he got up too fast. He bolted down the tiny hall and made it just in time to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach in the toilet bowl. The bitter scorching taste of alcohol over his tongue only made it worse. He kept going until nothing more would come out, and his stomach muscles hurt and hit throat was sore. Sweat was beading his forehead as he leant his chin on his arm that was keeping him up. A warm hand touched his back and rubbed up and down soothingly. “Anxiety puking, sit up.” She said softly, placing a cold wet washcloth against the back of his neck. It cooled him down a little as he sat up on his knees. He didn’t dare look at her, feeling ashamed of himself. And she just rubbed his back until his frame stopped trembling. “It’s alright.” He now sat back against the wall, and looked at her. She handed him a glass of water, and he used it to rinse out his mouth and spit the water back into the bowl, flushing again. He drank the rest of it, it soothed his throat. “You alright?” she asked, brown eyes concerned. Jongdae sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m being a dick. I was ready there to undress you and fuck you like the next girl on the block.” Sora look at him and reached out for his clammy hand. “I know. And to do that it’s not okay. But you’re obviously hurt and upset and…as much as I like you, and I really like you Jongdae, it’s not right. Why did you even call me?” “I actually don’t know.” He said, and he felt the sting in his heart when she confessed easily to him like that. She sat across from him, leaning back against the wall with her legs outstretched. “This Angel, she hurt you?” He shook his head then. “She…comes out of a rough relationship, and this new guy she’s dating, I don’t know if I trust him. We got into a fight about it, and then I said something really nasty, she slapped me, I left.” “You’re protective over her, she’s your best friend, I get that.” “Sora, she’s everything to me.” He whispered. Jongdae could see the comment struck her wrong for a second. She clicked her tongue. “If that’s true then you should go talk to her.” He scoffed. “You’re hurt, I understand, but if she means that much to you, you must mean a lot to her too. Otherwise she wouldn’t keep calling you. Just go home and see her.” Jongdae looked at her. “Will you drive me?” “Of course.”

@oh-beyond @xingtrash @chenbootysoo @nunchiwrites @bootyfulohsehun @littlekatlizzy @xiubaek13 @melyyexo @yeollieollie @wheredidmylifego-ohyeahbtsandexo @yourseth @white-in-angel @exosmutxoxo @paark-haaraa @k-reativewriting

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papermoth-bird-blog · 6 years ago

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California Coast: Los Angeles to Big Sur

Yet again, it seems so much has happened in such a short span of time. I’ve seen as much as the coast as I could manage & landed myself in San Francisco. I will spend a few days here & head back to LA- and I’ve seen so much since the time I was last there. I am currently decompressing in the biggest way. I haven’t needed to this much the length of my whole trip. I am intentionally breathing ultra-deep to rinse myself of all the stress I felt building up in my body. It’s over now, I feel safe & in control of my life/story again. It was trying there for a second tho, but I’m learning the signs quicker & quicker these days, which can only be a good thing. Maybe I should speak chronologically tho.

Los Angeles.

I spent much of my days in LA eating a ton of ‘smashed Avo on toast’, as Tom & Caroline would call it. You know I’m not joking- I basically ate that for two days straight. It’s becoming increasingly apparent to me what a creature of habit I am. LA was really chilled out- for many reasons. Firstly, I think that may just be the vibe. Despite it being such a hustle city in someways, it’s like everyone got entranced by the soothing ocean & has constant dreamy eyes. There is a lot happening here still, but people generally feel very happy to be on their hustle in this arena. Anyways, the same dreaminess settled over me too. Most of the day was spent driving around semi-aimlessly with Tom & Mia. Mia DJ’ing indie pop, trap, hip hop. I felt like a teenager again & remembered again what it was like to just be. Not to have any kind of agenda. That kind of freedom drives many crazy these days, I’ve noticed. I wonder why that might be- are we that uncomfortable with ourselves? does it speak to a lack of tolerance for our own minds or lives or something of the like? Anyways, perhaps that will be explored further later on. For now, I will say, I finally felt absolutely 150 percent okay with having had nothing planned for the day- but also having the confidence with keeping myself occupied constantly. Fully playing it by ear. I felt goooood. I felt in control of my life- in a manageable way. Those glimpses at freedom showed me what I really wanted to carry into my life- however I can manage that.

As we drove around, the sunshined in. We rolled down all the windows, despite the slightly brisk air. We watched various photoshoots transpire (and there were quite a few of them) in alleys, on the beach, outside fancy houses. We went to Goodwill- as per Mia’s request- despite my adament “I CANNOT SET FOOT INTO THE DEN OF TEMPTATION”. And I should have listened to those instincts- because (no thanks to Mia & Tom’s encouragment) I ended up with a new sweater (but it has such cute little houses on it! it’ll match my cabin one day!). The same could have been said about the in & out burger that we ended up having that afternoon too. Mia talked me into the animal fries which is equal parts disgusting and delicious- catch me at a different mood & you’ll get a different reaction. It’s just fries, with melted american cheese, fried onions & sauce (which is like guck-sauce for the Lick’s burger fans out there). One of the “secret menu items” is the veggie burger- which I kid you not, is just a giant slice of onion in the place of a burger patty & then all the fixings on top of that. The best thing about it was probably just the strangely sophisticated 50′s nostaligia vibe about the In & out chain. And everyone was enthusiastic & nice- which I like to think is a quality everyone looks for in a burger joint.

By Afternoon we were quite sleepy really. We lazily drove around musing about what to do. Tom shouted “Well let’s just go to the beach & dig a big whole”. Mia tells me this is a thing Tom often wants to do, and in fact, often does. Just digs a hole to sit in it. For some reason it kinda sounds nice, but I have no idea why. Again-another thing to muse about someday perhaps, but not today. When we got back to the house Mia & Tom took a nap. I, not feeling all that tired really, decided to venture out into Venice beach on my lonesome. I walked all the way down the venice pier. When I was walking back down the pier towards the beach, a skater came up behind me yelling “where is your board???” I yelled at him “I wish I had one!” And he stopped to chat. His name was Antony, he’d lived in Venice/Marina Del Rey all his life, been skating pretty much his whole life too. He let me ride his board for a short while & encouraged me to get back into it. I think perhaps I will- although I recently traded my longboard for my travelling backpack- which I maintain was a great trade. Antony recommeded I go down to the skate park down the way, and so I did. And then all the way down the board walk just as everything was closing. I pretty well made it all the way to Santa Monica, but decided to turn back as it was pretty dark by that point. When I was walking back I watched the weirdest phenomena- a storm far, far off in the distance. The weird part was that it flashed red- I think it may have been an illusion created by the last remaining sliver of sunset. Whatever it was- it was beautiful & weird & unlike anything I’d ever seen before. The storm continued through the night- drawing closer to the coast. Around 2 in the morning, it was right above us. It was the loudest lightning I’d ever heard. I jerked awake at several points, half-convinced they were actually bombs being dropped.

I woke up at 4, to get ready to meet Gopala. That morning, before anyone else in the house was even thinking of getting up, I was at satsung with him at the Sivanada centre in LA. It was only us & Gopika, who lead the morning ritual. Turns out, Gopika knows Mare too (I think from the ashram in Grass Valley). We helped her clean up all the rose petals from the alter from the Puja the day before (or maybe two days?). Gopala kinda took off for a second, without me realizing, and so I waited around the yoga studio, checking in with various friends & families before I invetiably lost service on our adventure up the coast. He came back, and we did a quick Asana practice. We went to the teeny-tiny yoga apartment& ate breakfast there & prepared some kitcherie that we had for lunch later on in that day. There were a few mishaps in the kitchen that kept us longer than we intended. Finally, we were ready to leave the city, until Gopala remembered he wanted to go to the GIta museum in LA. So we drove over there & waited for it to open. I wasn’t supppper interested in going. But as I waited in the car, Gopala called me several times to make sure I was coming. I ended up wandering into the temple alone, which felt better. Eventually I saw Gopala & we wove our way over to the museum entrance- it was actually closed, in order to be re-painted. But we sat and chatted to the painter & the museum keeper. The Museum keeper allowed us in for a brief sneak-peak. The museum is a collection of dioramas depicting certain stories from the Gita. It was pretty beautiful- and obviously is super special for a lot of people. For me, like the bible, the Gita is just a story- a vague tale explaining the nature of love & kindess & truth in it’s various kinds. I’m into spirituality- without a doubt- I am not, however, into dogma, or religion in such a structured form. I find it restraining. I think people should be free to seek these wisdoms, not have wisdoms shoved down their throats- If people aren’t ready to hear things, they won’t hear them. I mean, they will hear words, but not understand the meaning. Dangerously, that creates confusion & people using religious jargon angrily towards people instead of loving people- which is really what it is all about. Anyways, I digress. After that, we headed for the coast. Into the beautiful coast line of Malibu & then beyond that.

The Coast

Much of the coastline wears scars of past fires. the earth & trees are still blackend, few of them leafing to their fullest potential. It makes for the slighest eerie feeling, in an otherwise Neverland-esque landscape. The 101 is the highway that runs in-land, the 1 is the coastal highway. It weaves & hugs the coastline. It takes longer to get from place to place, no-doubt, but it is that one you want to be on if your goal is to *see* California. We took some short detours- driving through the rollinghill/mountains of Ojai, and other smaller towns. We listened to a lot of Jerry Garcia- especially his side-project bluegrass stuff. Gopala is a huge deadhead & even has huge Grateful Dead tattoos. We talked a bunch about music- which he was into, until he was really not anymore. I mean I think we have the same taste in music really, at least in our “past lives”. AKA pre-ashram lives. I get that Gopala is in recovery, but sometimes he grips so hard to the religion stuff, all the other great parts of life get stamped out. At a certain point, he didn’t want secular music in the car anymore & so we went back to chanting mantra & singing along to Guru songs. On the occasion we took breaks to listen to Reggae. As the sun weaned, we stopped in Morro Bay to make dinner on the tiny camp stove. The sunset glowed pale purple behind the huge rock that jutted out of the water. As we ate, we watched a couple sea otters play around in the water. Eventually, we got back in the car & continued driving the highway- this time listening to Vedanta by Sadguru. We were trying to be ambitious, but when we passed our intended stop, Gopala said he wasn’t tired and so we continued on all the way to Monterey, California were we spent the night.

We drove the car to one of the back corner’s of one of the many Motel Parking lots. We spent the night there in the car, sleeping in the reclined seats. This style of sleeping that never really bothered me, but Gopala seemed worried I was some kind of princess. Which kinda reminded me, that it’s true, he doesn’t really know me that well (nor I, him really). Anyways, it was fine. What was less fine, was having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I spare you those details. lol.

Monterey & Big Sur

We woke without really saying anything & went straight into the ashram routine- 30 minutes of Meditation, satsung & reading from one of the books Gopala was given by Swamiji. We drove out pretty much right after that, as the sun was rising in that part of the world. Monterey is a cute little spot- with an old spanish-style monestary that I kinda wish I could have gotten a better look at. Not entirely far from Monterey, was our next stop- Big Sur. In between we took our time, stopping at several look off points. The hills were scattered with wildflowers- blue tistle-y ones, orange poppies, yellow canola looking ones. There was also an abundance of a very fragrant plant- that I think may be wild mountain thyme (like the song! *sigh*). I asked the plants if they minded being picked, and I got a good feeling they didn’t, so I gathered a bunch & bound them in hemp string for smudging (or a better/more appropriate word) purposes.

Another beautiful view on the road was the Rocky Creek Bridge, which flickered passed far too quickly to take a proper picture. My mind’s image is pretty good tho- simple, but sitting on two points a stunning height from the ocean below. Round in it’s support, simple & quiet in design from the road-level. Maybe it’s weird to be so taken with such a small bridge, but I thought it was so beautiful.

Eventually, we did roll into Big Sur State Park. The forest was dense with huge red-wood trees that blocked out much of the sun- leaving a hazy light on lower level of the forest. Red-woods have a way of making you feel like a tiny ant- insignifcant, but free in that way. Trees are great teachers & I count many of them as deep really friends. I hope to spend some more quality time with Red-woods in the future- I’m sure I will too. This time, however, the rain poured and poured, making it difficult to fully bask in their majesty. Many of the trails were closed. And so, we spent much of the time bundled in all our clothing in the car.

I made a break for it to set up the tent in a rare 10 minute gap in the rain. It was good thing I did too- because turns out Gopala doesn’t know anything about camping. I set up a tiny tarp in the most strategic way I could manage. I sat thankful for my father in that moment- for teaching me through doing the thing over & over in front of me as a child. He planted some pretty useful tricks in this mind of mine.

Halfway through the day, we wet for a field trip, hopeful that there would be a break in the rain & we’d find ourselves a good hiking trail- no such luck. We did, however, find the Henry Miller Library- which is really more of a bookstore. It was a really cute spot. Tucked amongst the red-woods just beyond a bend in the road. Someone had converted a huge blue school bus into a house (that kinda looked familiar? like I might have watched a walk through before on youtube or something). The path was lined with strange art- old tv’s, manquins with teeth- and a huge sign that said “art in progress”. The house itself was cedar siding & faded with the wet & with age. There was a cat that ran amongst the table legs, as my eyes flickered between all the novels, a poetic anthologies, and books about the area. Big Sur, as it happened, is a huge attraction for travellers & those who have wandering hearts/minds, when their bodies are more stationary. Many writers- Jack Kerouac, Henry Miller, Robinson Jeffers & musicians settled & were inspired by Big Sur. Henry Miller famously described the area as “the place where nothing happens”. In my mind, that speaks to a certain otherworldliness that exists outside of the concept of time. There are old 50′s trucks on the side of the road, ancient trees, and then a tesla zooms by- it’s bizarre. Through it all though, there is an unpenetrable peace about the area. Even if you happen to be in the company of someone who *might* be driving you slightly crazy.

We drove back & made dinner. I spent much of the evening trying to borrow in my own little world- which, for the evening, consisted of some of the last chapter’s of ‘Wild’ by Cheryl Strayed. Gopala later gave me a lecture about how novels spoil the path to enlightenment, but I kept reading, despite is aimed lectures of my ever behaviour. If only that was the most annoying thing- but he also managed to find many moments to not only explain that to me, but also the nature of periods & how to relieve that pain (bad periods mean you are eating unhealthy, so it would only be their fault). As well as making the comment “I’m glad you aren’t on your period, otherwise I might not have taken you” as he laughed. It was that specific moment that I felt my composure crack & a bit of bitch bubbling up in me. I was still in the middle of the woods, with no way out besides with him though. Instead, I decided to stand my ground firmly & short- without being specifically pointedly rude- although I was tempted to. *It’s a test* I’d remind myself. But ooooph, at moments was I ever fuming. I didn’t even pick at any of his dumb-dumb city boy outdoor-choices, which included a whole slew of strange choices (I will, however slightly dig them here, my safe, yet public, diary of sorts lol).

It rained all night. I love sleeping in the rain, Gopala not so much. I am used to Canada (which is colder for sure than Big Sur), Gopala is not. I woke happy, Gopala... maybe not as much. He went straight into meditation around 4:15 in the morning in the car- leaving it running with the heat on (which besides being obnoxious, also worried me in regards to the car battery dying. Around 5, I also got up to meditate. When we were done, I suggested we break camp early & get out of here. 1) I wanted to be able to get space. 2) hiking was obviously a bust at this point 3) I already had my sister trip ticking in the back of my mind, knowning that the rain wouldn’t make them all wonky in the same way it was making Gopala. I tucked the dream for the future trip in my pocket & decided to move on with this part of the trip.

So, like we decided, we broke camp early & moved down the coast towards Santa Cruz.

to be continued.

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smallblanketfort · 8 years ago

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How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? How did you deal with it? Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis? Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it? How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis? ps: sorry for so many questions

it’s okay. i feel like a smart person would say, come off anon and let’s chat, but u know what, i’ll totally embarrass myself for the common good. oh man.

short answers. click keep reading for the in depth, tmi answers.

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? short answer: self dx followed by psych. yes. kind of.

Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it?short answer: depends on the person and how much they care about you as a person.

How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis?short answer: i dont lol

babe i hope this helps a bit and idk. im being honest here, so idk how much comfort is here, but if you find any, good. be safe. lmk if you have other questions! happy to answer.

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? short answer: self dx followed by psych. yes.long answer: i had a slight mental breakdown in uhhhh fall 2015-january 2016, and i work at the library which slows down in the winter. i was going a little nuts with nothing to do one day in late december/early january, so i planted myself in the mental health section and read all the requirements in dsm-iv book for mental disorders. i think i was half curious and half knew something was wrong. i had dealt with depression and anxiety in the past, but i felt mentally dizzy all the time, if that makes sense. just generally unstable and lost and worried. Not Okay. self harming and finding comfort in it. i was totally bleary going through my daily life and i felt extremely unstable in my relationships. i also was trying to work through this whole hallucination/voice in my head thing that sparked it in september(?). so i remember taking these books to the break room and taking these convoluted notes on tiny scraps of paper, trying to make sense of what was happening. i found the notes a couple weeks ago, and it was really weird, but i was so careful about it. i really didn’t want to feel like i had anything, but i was getting desperate. i would copy out the requirements and tally up what i had. i remember contemplating a couple things i knew i could diagnoses with by a doctor who didn’t care, like avoidant pd, but i realized it was definitely not the one, at all. when i read bpd, it took my breath away. i was shocked, bc it was like reading a book about myself. i remember getting goosebumps, and shaking. i spent months researching and researching it, trying to convince myself i didn’t fit the criteria. at the time i was in several psych classes, and one of my professors had us write a 15+ page paper about our own life and psych development. it was hella weird, but i ended up pouring myself into it and my psych prof, who runs his own practice was like “Lol yeah omg” and we chatted a bit and sure enough, i am most likely a bpd bug. i’m not “formally” diagnosed but i have talked to several psychologists at my universities about it and they’re all like “lmao yeeeah” so

How did you deal with it?short answer: i feel like i’m still “dealing” with the diagnosis, and my stance on it changes constantly lol, but probably better in the beginning. it didn’t really change a ton for me, bc i felt like it was just a word for what i had already been experiencing. i decided not to tell anyone, so i didn’t feel like things had changed. at the same time i refused to believe it. i have tables and tables of notes in my journals, trying to convince myself in and out of it. i did know that to be healthy, i needed to acknowledge it. i tried.long answer: idk!? like on one hand i was relieved like “okay so this is a thing with a name, now i can start attacking it. i was really good at mood tracking for about 6 months. no more lol. anyway, i still go through acceptance/denial cycles constantly. just today, i decided to watch youtube videos about it to prove to myself that i didn’t have bpd. my reaction? o shit i guess i have bpd. every couple weeks ill come across an article or video or something about it and they’ll talk about other quirks of bpd and it’s so accurate it’s scary. but kinda cool (like perceptions of time and such that dont really hurt anything, but i thought everyone had. whoops. just my bpd showing again lol) it’s like when i climbed over a wooden fence in colorado and realized i had a sliver in my leg and then when i got it out, i realized i had another sliver in my leg and then when i got it out i realized i had another sliver in m-and so on. it never stops really. maybe it’d help if i told more ppl. idk.

Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis?short answer: it brought some clarity, some understanding and validation, that i think really helped me. sometimes it brought hopelessness, sometimes motivation. i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it started me on a road i referred to as resurfacing.long answer: i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it definitely brought gravity to it. sometimes it made me hopeless (can you even recover from a personality disorder?), but sometimes it brought me hope bc i wasn’t alone and there are coping methods made esp for me. it helped me understand myself and why i did what i did. it helped me be more proactive, and im getting better at it. it helped me accept some of my quirks, and helped me communicate. it’s a constant learning process like battle.

Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it?short answer: depends on the person and how much they care about you as a person.long answer: lmao so like i haven’t told my parents yet, didnt have to since i was over 18. lately my mom is becoming more aware tho i think, and she’s being really supportive. my friends (irl and online, they all know) are really supportive and patient and encouraging and kind. they’re so great. the two ppl i dated since were lovely. about a month after diagnosis, however, i told my boyfriend of the time whose only response was “why didn’t you tell me this before i got emotionally attached to you?” :-) THAT fucked me up, but i still think it’s fair. lately im super worried about it though.

How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis?short answer: i dont lollong answer: so i had never heard of it before 2016 sooo i actually don’t really know about the stigmas even now? i try really hard not to hear about any of it, bc if i do, im going to shrivel and not have the confidence to be open about it, which really helps me and my relationships. being open about it is what destroys the stigma. at the same time, im totally terrified of telling my family for some reason. my mom used to say anxiety was a hat i put on, bc she was a nurse in the mental ward, so her view of mental illness is basically of non to low functioning people. she;s a lot more supportive and validating of it now but idk i cant.OKAY ALSO negativity with recovery high key sucks. for a solid year i was convinced that there’s no recovery and i’ll probably kill myself before im 27, im so screwed blah blah blah, but then i FINALLY starting finding resources that consistently said 50% of adults find themselves recovered after ten years. im also really working hard on self care and coping rn. making good choices for myself to hopefully stay as healthy and happy as possible.

lmk if you have other questions!

#bpd #anon #borderline personality disorder #actuallyborderline #actually borderline

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cafephan · 8 years ago

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dan and phil play golf with friends #2: a summary

DanandPhilGames caddy lads "you loved it, you were like yes the golf lifestyle, i'm wearing expensive polo shirts i'm sipping an overpriced drink, im nattering with the business fellows and hitting that ball" says dan whilst well in the knowledge most of us are shut away in our bedrooms in our pyjamas with not a penny to our name and sipping on tap water "so we're here in the dan and phil golf club and there is a certain dress code, dan" i like to take this as phil foreshadowing the beautiful fashion choices dan is making during this singapore trip even though he clearly isn't foreshadowing anything moment of appreciation for the singapore trip's outfit choices tho please moment over thirty three seconds in we get the first fond glance, hopefully the first of many "the only short sleeved short i have is creased, phil" the look that he's giving phil reeaaalllyyy makes me wonder how it got creased... "i don't care, just go get it on" says phil the fashion meister helllooooo moth shirt my favourite my best friend my one true love "we had green shit in our hair for like three hours after we put these on" who needs context amirite "dan thought i threw these away but no i've been secretly hiding them" ok but how is that so domestic "look how erect my flag is today" / "list of things you should like never say again...." (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished the quote that the jumpcut edited out)) "you know the rules. we can only do one dan vs phil per game" is that a rule? have they said that before? okay sure let's roll with it they're playing for the burger socks from a few liveshows ago "i ordered this for a friend but they sent two" sure phil a company would clearly go out of their way to send two of the same product meaning they'd be out of profit,,, your friend definitely didn't just give them back to you "do i want to eat them or wear them?" i'm certain that this is not the first time that sentence has come out of dan's mouth "are you excited by that? do you want that? on your feet?" / "i so want the cheese on my foot." *jumpcut* *phil says literally one word and dan is already grinning at him* f o n d "this is something to watch like a sport, and enjoy like a sport" unless you're making a summary of this video meaning you have to rewind every two seconds thanks phil "lingering banter... just enjoy the time between jokes" *both giggle like the dorks they are* "you liked the last one, so strap yourselves in for some golf" "we need to customise our balls" can dan go one gaming vid without dragging tumblr like i go through all of this effort for you pls don't drag me you little curly haired shit "[about the colour of his ball] i would call that moonlight dolphin" dan has gone for plain white this time does this represent him emotionally who knows at the time of filming i like symbolism and connotations they're fun "oh my gosh, it's like... goodness has returned" phil why are you so cute "i'm calling our room dogs9000 today" / "very appropriate" first of all why is it appropriate second of all is that what they called their room on the tour bus "stop. they just do what they want. stop telling them what to do." / "i guess that's valid. i'm sorry, butterflies, you do you." "i'm like so oasis right now" "ancient egypt is my favourite historical period so i'd like to delve into there" i think i've found the next fic trend why are they using the chatroom when their chairs are literally touching and from the front angle it looks as if their hands are too "my pole is so tall you can't even see the flag" again my gut instinct is that it isn't the first time those words have come out of phil's mouth "... and other sentences that phil will never say again" (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished his quote for him again he should pay me for this)) "beginnu" / "golf it up" dan has more fluidity in his hand movements than phil does take what you will from that information "here we go" / "here we golf" tag urself "oh you're inside my ball again" / "we're already freaking out inside each other" *phil laughs a lot and grins then followed by a mysterious jumpcut* "bit too much power for danny there" dan is already being a sore loser but he can't help but be all smiley that phil is all smiley and jokey phil cheers him on still "if i can get it in now, it'll be okay" i've said it once and i'll say it again... definitely not the first time those words have been said by danny boy they clean up the whole two computer debacle "i'm deceived by the curves" joint vibing and dancing to the music "you're in africa the hole is in antarctica" mister geography "you absolute cheeky little twit" a new addition to the list of fond insults from dan to phil sore loser dan continues to thrive phil manages to screw up literally the easiest shot in the world??? i love you boy but oh how you suck at this game and now dan is smiling again what a sadistic lil tot "welcome to the land of pain and misery" thanks dan for my new bio dan's lovely lady gaga rendition gets cut short by a jumpcut wtf give me the good stuff i deserve it oh he finished the rendition what a pair of lungs on that kid *phil definitely says 'oh shit'* "i didn't swear then" yes you did just accept your potty mouth perfect opportunity to kick the old branding to the curb a girl can dream ok "oh you're going to be stuck for ten hours, phil, how is this going to go" "i can't even see myself... oh i went in" seriously how many times in one video can my gut instinct tell me dan's said these sentences before in his lifetime "the power of wobbling knocked me in" "that felt good to me" "my lovely philly lumps, check 'em out" what a beautiful rendition phil i would buy it on itunes / "...things you should never say again, volume twelve" cocky dan strikes again "you okay there?" / "i'm feeling very emotional about this" "par? more like cheat" / "that's par for the course" please stop talking over each other this summary takes long enough as it is without having to rewind ten times "oh we're the same now" / "now we're even" / "i was so happy with my lead" / "guess we're going to have to cut our feet in half" / "yeah..." *phils cute laugh* "that's obviously just saying go for it... but how much power?" / "smack it" i imagine this is phil's outlook on life six minutes fifty four seconds in... rip headphone users "we're gonna take like eleven goes at this" not if you both strikeout, my guy "this is so much harder than the last one" phil please don't make this too easy for me "please release us from this hell" i'd like to thank the universe for the occasional slivers of dan skin we see through the gaps in his shirt buttons "i'll happily sit here for three and a half hours now whilst phil gets it in" ... oh come on it's definitely not the first time he's said that sentence drinking game: take a shot every time they say 'yes' or 'yeah' that'll get you drink awfully quick "get out of my zone! stop touching me!" / "knock. knock." stop talking over each other please i beg of you "i'll touch you when i please..." okay dan you are aware of the camera pointing at you right phil's reaction is all of us at dan just saying that sentence "... don't say that again" (unless it's off camera to me) ((now i'm apparently finishing phil's sentences for him, he should pay me too)) "i'm so sorry for this whole video" ty dan cocky dan is here to stay, it seems like dan got so cocky that he fucked up i love life "that's what you get for being cocky!" i love phil "i'm out of strokes? that's how bad i was?" i don't know why my gut instinct is telling me phil's said that before but... anyway "you are now... eight over my score, phil." look at dans hands he's dying to do a mr burns impression and say excellent "that was a mystery adventure if i ever saw one" "*sigh* oh phil" "phil, phil, dear me" in all the videos of this game i've watched before nobody managed to make that pillar shot and yet dan does it on his first try...... sure okay "king of golf. yes." / "shush" phil made it too yay "guys if you're feeling like i'm just going to lose, i'm really going to try from now on" he looked at the camera like he meant it *dan looks over* "phil's gonna take this so seriously. no more bants, just solid golf seriousness" dan do you just stop listening to yourself when you talk "solid whacking" / "okay in the list of things that are serious, saying 'solid whacking', that's- that's not up there" *dan two seconds later* "so i'm just gonna whack it" "boom... slide... crack" i'm not even trying to analyse that "how would anakin do this" "i was using the force! did you see?" / *dan smiles fondly* "no i didn't" "if you whack me over the edge i'm going to bury you alive" "shit fucking wank fuck" "how did you get that wrong?" i'm still asking that question to phil about that other hole dan i feel you "that was sexual" / "that was the most erotic math based experience i've ever had" / "i liked that" "the skateboarding teenager inside me wants to go back and do this" / "could skateboarding teenage phil ever have skated around that?" / "he would have said that he could do it, but he would've fallen off... and hit his head" / "it's the trying that counts" "oh philly philly two whack" the game either wants phil to win and keeps sabotaging dan, dan wants phil to win and he keeps sabotaging himself, or dan is just that bad at the game he keeps fucking up i'd put my money on the latter "i want to have children with this course" first of all there will be fics of this and i will turn over in my grave, secondly poor janice :( "shitty fuck no i need to be in a straight line" "i wouldn't trust that with a barge pole" king of the english language "miss miss" phil being the ever supportive best friend "lara croft would... love this" "remember that you owe me two strokes" / *sassily* "no i don't" / "yeah you do, the game broke" / "that's-that's your fault" / *laughs* "no it's not!" this is literally the conversation that defines their friendship and it is beautiful "he's the one that's trolling me by stopping my ball" dan pls "i'm going in" / "do it, phil" you're just making it too damn easy for me "i would watch golf on tv if phil commentated it" dan you would watch anything that phil was even remotely involved with dan the sore loser back again dan is doing some kind of animal impression and if sounds as if it's a bird in heat or something "you wanna say that's not count (*literally dan wtf*) see the comments. they'll be- they'll be ju-thirsty for justice." not considering you drag us every chance you get you lil shit #teamphil also dan is tumbling over his words so much this video is he okay dan makes up a stupid penalty for phil to do because the game apparently hates him but in reality he just sucks, and phil goes along with it because he's phil how the hell did dan manage to jump over the high wall "i just left clicked and i bobbed.. i wasn't supposed to bob" "that's definitely not in- okay you did it" oooh one point difference "oh i didn't get some dinghy time then" "how ya doin? nice to see you there" "believe in the power" "you did a much more satisfying one than me" "your non-gender specific caddy gimp would need to be fanning you..." / "caddy gimp?" / "yeah" / "i'd just want them to put me on a camel, give me a pina colada, play golf for me... and i'd just be like this on my laptop" we all know phil loves his pina colada *wink wink* "... yeah that's the dream" well we know dan's opinion on pina colada don't we *wink wink* "leona lewis would hate you" shots fired "yes i did just cheat by looking at your bar" / "you can't look at my bar!" / "oh well i just did!" cocky dan back with his questionable sounds "he's thinking about how tasty your ball is right now" "yes sphinx daddy, let's go" "climbing inside the pyramid vagina" "you've got a mystical glow about you" "you're kind of ruining the vibe" "look how much you're illuminating the whole" dan the cocky sod literally looks like a child rn "i don't know what's happening but i'm excited by it" did phil just channel his inner chandler from friends bc that is all too similar to the chandler quote "tease it in" / "never say that again" "that deserves extra points that was incredible" proud bf phil "ooh toasty ball" they're helping each other along aw "i mean fuck the dan vs phil board... this is a prize worth playing for" *dan shakes the burger socks* the game broke so they restarted it and they now have the same score wooow "this is not how god wanted it but this is what's happening" phil says as he takes his two shot penalty "i don't think, erm, if god does exist, in any form, that He would give a shit about this game, phil" / "i think he would" dan gives phil a full rundown on his math-based plan "you copied my strats!" "let me just sniff these socks" / "ew" "are you more of a leftie or a rightie?" / "i'm gonna be... rightie as that is what i write with" rip all you leftie philgirls "how do you know? you don't know left and right" bloody hell dan calm down "it's a bridge to cleopatra's bedroom" *phil lands on the pyramid* "is he wearing any underwear?" "everyone who doesn't know math right now is just like... whirring with calculations right now" actually i'm just sat here typing this so screw you howell you don't know me "i'm just going to max power it over here" did anyone else think of the simpsons? when homer changes his name? anyone at all? okay then "that means i win!" phil shouts enthusiastically and claps his hands together phil continues to clap it ends as a draw!!!! "so does that mean we've gotta share the socks?" "i want the cheese- i want the lettuce" phil bless you "it'll be like those people that get like best friend necklaces that complete each other except for us it's burger socks." *modelling the socks* "look at those dank socks" "the best bit is when you went through the sphinx's mouth and when you went through the uterus" they'd be up for another vid yes please i need one!!!!!! n e e d!!! the twilight course would be next "now we're gonna pick the green stuff out of our hair... go on phil, groom me like a monkey" dan. "get that moss out" seriously. dan. danisnotsandy auterusphil (which of them did this) also phil pretended to eat whatever he just supposedly groomed from dans head okay eventful video.

#THIS TOOK SO LONG TO DO WHAT THE FUCK #sorry this is so long but also not sorry #hope you enjoy #gaming vid summaries

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aeroknot · 7 years ago

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@yellowflasher said: tell me abt this show bc i have been thinking of watching it

ahhhhh!! i’m so glad you asked me to talk about this show!! haha

as usual I’m a fucking insufferable, over-talkative spaz!!!

ummmmm ok!! it’s kinda like... Jessica Jones mixed with Tombstone mixed with Grimm?? and X-files as far as Monster of the Week and agents who pine for each other goes? & i’ve seen peeps compare it to Supernatural but I never watched that so... SHRUG.

so the premise is that our wonderfully complex anti-hero chick wynonna earp returns to her hometown of Purgatory (somewhere in the U.S. near Canada; I personally think Montana because it’s the most western state bordering Canada (in the first ep Wynonna asks a fellow bus passenger “your first time out west?”) that’s not Washington or Idaho, bc neither of those seem like its setting esp. since Idaho is just a sliver of the whole border, tho it could be North Dakota or Minnesota I guess?-- EH it’s kind of not been touched on as far as I know and anyway it doesn’t matter shut up aero just---). she is the great-great grandaughter of wyatt earp, the righteous 19th century wild west u.s. marshal raining down hellfire on USDA grade A Assholes. but then he’s cursed!! and his kills are actually cursed in hellfire!! even if they’re killed, they resurrect from hell the next time a new heir turns 27 if not all of them have been defeated, and they’re demons trapped within the borders of Purgatory (har har go figure), or in the show’s terms, also called Revenants. earp had a renown 77 kills, and the only way to break the curse is for his heirs to hunt down and shoot all 77 kills before the heir dies-- the heirs have the power to wield his mystical gun Peacemaker which sends Revenants back to hell. wynonna is our fantastically loveable resistant heroine because she was never meant to be the heir-- her older sister, the firstborn, was supposed to be, but shit went down (which got her ostracized and locked up in psychological institutions) and now she is the heir. and I’ll move on from synopsis to opinions because I don’t want to start spoiling anything and the show should just speak for itself!

reasons I’ve enjoyed it!!!:

Wynonna Fucking Earp. early on I described her as a “slightly perkier” Jessica Jones. That was wrong-- in the SLIGHTEST part. she is a WAY WAY PERKIER Jessica Jones. and I fucking cannot get enough of it. Like... Dark-haired leather-jacket-wearing harrowed-past-having orphaned-and-outcasted-as-children anti-heroes are mostly typically supposed to be deadpan, snarky, grumpy, sexily standoffish, and often secretive and hard to read, and only rarely invested in others. And she is that, often, yet SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. She is: GOOFY!! CRASS!! EMBARRASSING!! PLAYFUL!!!! She smiles a lot!!! She celebrates victories! She cracks jokes! She expresses her desires upfront and unabashedly, and without games! She is emotionally vulnerable with loved ones and friends and grows even more in this throughout! She actually asks people for support and comfort!! & She busts balls endearingly! She’s courageous and helpful! She’s brash and brazen--and yeah, this gets her scolded by others, but rarely does it feel like she’s punished for her impulsive heroics by her writers, as I often feel (male) writers of female heroes (or usually side-heroes) tend to do (probably she’s not punished because mostly women are writing this story, gee isn’t that weird? hah). There’s consequences, yeah, but it usually works out and she’s still the hero ultimately. She’s basically the plucky hero wrapped in anti-hero fodder, and I have completely fallen for her. She makes me laugh so much with her dialogue and makes me feel represented with how WEIRD she ultimately gets to be. Plus, she is emotionally vulnerable almost every episode, and her sister even succinctly chides her with “for a lone wolf, you sure are needy.”

getting to that, HER SISTER!!! Waverly is amazeballs. I think she even used the term amazeballs in an episode, recently-- she’s that amazeballs. She’s still growing a lot, but she’s definitely quintessential underdog baby sister, and I’m here for it, because she’s also reinforced as an integral part of the story and gets her own romance even before Wynonna and it’s so wonderful. Waverly constantly has a new skill or tidbit of information up her sleeve-- she’s inventive, thorough, super super damn nerdy, and also social and kind and popular. Plus, she’s with Nicole Haught (and I just cannot get over the playfulness of some of these names in the story, lmao) and they’re just fantastic together and I’m so happy to see them together every time. So far it’s good lesbian content. My face honest to god always cracks into a smile when they’re together. also um!! i want her entire wardrobe!!

The Earp Sisters are just... Their sisterhood is so rich and complex and SATISFYING. Like I actually feel like I’m watching REAL SISTERS. They are gross and raunchy with each other, and I laugh so hard. They are sweet and supportive to each other and I cry. They are competitive and jealous and conflicted with each other, and I’m relieved to see this-- to see all these layers to them. It’s great writing and acting for a sister bond and I’m just excited to see sisterhood being such an integral theme for a t.v. show.

the SYFY effects are sometimes silly but I still enjoy it. the ENTIRE CONCEPT is actually pretty silly and sometimes goes cheesy, even, but I still am endeared by its approach just the same. The storyline itself is... often confusing me, and I LIKE that, believe it or not. I don’t mean “confusing” as in the plot doesn’t make sense-- it does-- I mean “confusing” in the sense that it’s, hm, how should I say... I guess kind of disjointed? There’s always a Random Revelation thrown in suddenly, or weird Twist that literally had NO foreshadowing, and often it seems like the story progresses with big chunks of time in between episodes which can be hard to place and pace the action and relationship developments... Usually I’d probably nitpick all this, but actually, it keeps me very transfixed because usually I can completely predict what will happen next due to a show’s use of foreshadowing, but this show often completely bypasses such a dance with the audience, and though I sometimes question if that’s effective storytelling, I honestly think I’m really starting to respect this method, and so I want to stick around for it. I could probably go into way more detail with this, but then I might start spoiling things, so I’ll leave it at that. Someone who constantly predicts the “reveals” in a show, even at an episode-by-episode pace, gives this a seal of approval!! Nothing “revealed” is particularly earthshattering and it’s often given away in such a matter-of-fact tone, but it propels the story in interesting ways without a ton of hoopla in trying to ever pull one over its audience, and I like and respect that. They’re like “oh fuck! This weird idea we had is A Thing now. Let’s explore that more together, viewers!!”

(I will say some of the deaths are not as effective as I think they could be because of the above evaluation of the approach to plot/pacing/twists/reveals, but I’m still interested in those choices. brings me to a legit critique tho: they should uh... stop killing so many Cool Women right after immediately introducing them. It’s starting to worry me. :\ but also...? I’m trusting? I think? still? anywho!)

I’m a Tombstone-loving Fuck and Doc Holliday is one of my favorite real-person enigmas of history and this Doc Holliday incarnation is supremely gratifying. He is consistently entertaining and intriguing!

I was initially all in for Holliday and THEN FUCKING DEPUTY MARSHAL XAVIER DOLLS CAME FOR MY WHOLE HEART. Go! Look at his special eyes! Look at his HEART EYES at my DAUGHTER WYNONNA. He has my whole approval. I’ll buy the ring for him. I’ll plan the proposal. DO IT.

-- ok aside from my shipping bullshittery also Dolls is just. An amazing guy. I love him. He’s a boss in so many senses of the word, and he constantly surprises me. I feel like he’s... A Capital-A Adult? You know? He’s mature, and methodical, and clever, and talented, and confident. It’s funny to me that he’s called “the stick in the mud” and yet through small tidbits we see he’s really not (he can be playful or perverted, too), he’s just Grown. A Man. Focused, with an Agenda and a Goal. It’s lovely to see him come out of his shell a bit and be cheeky and then at the end of S1 just like... OPENLY ADORE the people he’s around. But it’s also a breath of fresh air somehow to see An Adult Man. I don’t know, maybe it’s what the actors bring, too, because both Doc and Dolls really just strike me as assured individuals, each of them just really secure in their sense of identity, which makes them GREAT foils to Wynonna, and it’s just fabulous, really. I like adulthood being given this reverence and care. It makes someone like me, hedging out of her twenties, feel a little bit more like there’s still a space in media and storytelling for people over 35. lmao. (and admittedly 35 is still fucking young, but Hollywood would have us believe it’s time to go out to pasture at this age)

and on that note DOC HOLLIDAY AND DOLLS TOGETHER. I JUST. *clenches fist* THEY’RE SO GREAT. AND WITH WYNONNA I JUST. It IS A LOVE TRIANGLE, in the barest evaluation, yes. And I prefer Dolls with Wynonna, yes, and usually I, yes, Fucking Can’t Stand Triangles, but the way these writers are approaching this has me fucking bowing down to them. I am really enjoying the way they’re taking this so far. I laughed to myself the other day because the realization suddenly dawned on me like “oh.... Fucking Anciently Old Immortal Pale Guy + Mystically Endowed Outcast Brunette Girl + Man of Color With a Secretive Monster Backstory” is fucking..... Twilight. This is Twilight. If it had a Wild West spin and was written, you know, WELL, and the characters were a thousand times more interesting. Is Emily Andras trying to come for Stephanie Meyers? MAYHAPS.

I’m gonna give some rapid fire thoughts to wind down: GREAT MUSIC SELECTIONS, fun shootouts!!, LESBIANS!!! <33333, mostly interesting villains, good cinematography, action!, mystery!, HUMOR!!! THAT DIALOGUE!!!! WRITE ALL MY LIFE AND INTERACTIONS W/ OTHERS W.EARP WRITERS!!

I could go on and on which is in my fucking nature I’m so goddamn sorry look at this pit you’ve opened but ultimately my answer is: It is so fucking fun. It is a Delight! A DELIGHT I TELL YOU. I get joy from this; I laugh, I’m entertained, my brain thinks hard but not too hard, the characters have infiltrated my heart so damn quickly. DELIGHT. I’m so sad I’ve caught up but also I fucking bought a Season Pass on Amazon prime for s2 so even though I don’t live with cable anymore, I’MMA BE ON THIS.

#aero replies #aero is INSUFFERABLY TALKATIVE i'm SORRY #wynonna earp #wynonna earp opinions #i am consumed with delight and affection for this show and its characters #yellowflasher #i am excite #aero opinion time

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mcauja · 8 years ago

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Women & Weed... and a baby???

Read that title, take a moment to remove your britches from betwixt your uptight asscheeks, and follow me as I paint this picture for you right quick... January 4, 2017. Just days after naming and claiming my greatness for the year, which included losing that last 15 pounds, going back to school AGAIN, cooling out on flings and meaningless one night stands, and finally obtaining a passport, I sat on the toilet of my closet sized guest bathroom, scared shitless, waiting to see what the twin pregnancy tests I'd taken simultaneously would tell me. "Lol biiiiiiiiiiiitch GUESS WHAT?!" is what those pregnancy tests revealed. Rather quickly, I might add, so there was no time for second guessing. Those pink goddamned lines appeared like a sleazy landlord on the 2nd; posthaste, ready to run my pockets and kill my vibe for the foreseeable future. I was fucking pregnant. Gross. I'm sure most women take those few earth shattering moments afterwards to let the future materialize before them, beginning to dream of a reality they'd never imagined before. Not me. I had a nightcap jay rolled and ready for me before I discovered this new truth because I mean c'mon lol no way, right? RIGHT?! Wrong. So I take my few deep breaths, text my best friend and tell her that she needs to fix this because yeah NO, and I clomp back to my room in a stupor as muscle memory leads me directly to my ashtray where the fresh blunt is waiting; calling. Whenever things in my life go awry, all I need is a little time, a little space to think, and a little bud and I can fix or fineness anything. But just as I'm about to blaze the stress away, I could feel myself developing a little white angel on my shoulder. "You're pregnant Auja, that's bad for the baby dumbass." "Oh yeah, I forgot... Fuck." I smoked a little anyway tho because fuck that little white useless ass angel. Where was she when my uterus was being infiltrated?! Why didn't she tell me to swallow instead?!?! Stupid bitch, I hate that angel. February 9, 2017. It's been a few weeks since I realized I was harboring a squatter in my womb and life has flipped upside down. It's as if my body was waiting for me to catch up to what was happening before shit could really start happening. Mere days after those God forsaken pink lines appeared, morning noon and night sickness followed suit, with intense all day nausea bringing up the rear. I'd made a doctors appointment immediately and on the day of, while filling out the bullshit paperwork, I find myself once again stuck and scared shitless. "How often do you: consume caffeine, drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, partake in recreational drug use?" Oh shit. Should I lie???? I should lie right?? I mean I didn't even do any of that other stuff before so I'm good. And it's not like they'll know anyway; I've stopped since I found out so it's not like I would really be lying. "Oh we'll also need a urine sample in just a second" FUCK!!!!! Okay, just tell the truth then. Fuck. And so I did. The Gods honest, "every damn day, at least twice a day." truth. Would this doctor call the imaginary pregnancy police on me? Would she look over the rim of her glasses and judge me as if I'd stabbed a white woman multiple times and was about to get away with it?! Would everyone pretend it's all good then on the day of my delivery, CPS shows up and rips my beautiful baby from my arms without bothering to cut the umbilical cord?!? I had completely went on auto pilot and panic mode while Dr. Nice White Lady went through the questionnaire with me, dreading that moment we'd have to discuss my hophead tendencies. "I see here it says you used drugs before pregnancy..." "Yes but only weed" "Well while we can't encourage or discourage that, I do have to inform you that it could possibly affect the baby" *inner dialogue* "DUH bitch that's why I stop-- hold up... did she just say she can't DISCOURAGE me from sparking up??" *Bitch ass angel refusing to mind her business* "Yeah but she can't ENCOURAGE you either dumbass" "1) call me dumbass again and see what happens. 2) nobody ever ENCOURAGES smoking weed but other weed heads. She's a doctor, she basically just told me roll up at my own risk..." "No, that's not what she sai--" "Aaaaahhhh!! Unt-un shut yo ass up, I ain't tryna hear it. You already know what's up!!!" And she did. My stupid shoulder angel I mean, not Dr. Nice White Lady. She knew what I'd been suffering through, but, you, reading this, may have no idea what pregnancy does to women. Each instance is different. All the forums and mom blogs I scoured for slivers of peace and sanity would reiterate this time and again. Most often they tell you to ask your doctor about these things, but your doctor will more than likely bullshit you then prescribe a drug you can't roll up and smoke, but a drug nonetheless. A drug that might make you a little LESS nauseous, but would not keep you from retching up the food you just ate 10 minutes ago. Some days it can be so bad, water won't stay put. You ever thrown up ice cold water??? Spoiler alert, that shit comes back just as cold and it's fucking disgusting. I took to eating Bomb Pops because supposedly popsicles soothe the stomach and help fight against dehydrating yourself and your unborn child but in my case it just made for patriotic toilet decorations. Can't even lie tho, it was kinda cool watching the red white and blue come up in the exact same order as it had gone down. Gross, right? Lol And it's not just stomach issues us preggers have to endure. The sleepless nights, the aches and pains of a body growing and changing to accommodate new life, the mood swings, the anxiety. THE ANXIETY OMG. As it stands, at 4 months I should be gaining about 1-2 pounds per week. I am currently 5 pounds lighter than I was when I first found out about my baby. I worry CONSTANTLY I'm not feeding it enough; that the lil guy(or girl, please be a girl) isn't getting the proper nutrition. That I'm a shit mom because I can't seem to do this without weed. But I mean gahdamn what's a woman to do?? Liquids don't hold and sometimes even just the sight or smell of food while sober makes me dry heave. I search google every day looking for new developments and studies that will assuage my guilt. I don't have to look very hard, almost all weed/pregnancy related studies conclude there isn't enough evidence to surely say weed will harm a fetus, but science can't ever let you have your moment so the "That doesn't mean it's okay" undertones are always there. The judgement I'm sure I'd receive from family and certain friends worries me, and every appointment I have with Dr. Nice White Lady, I fear the lecture I'm sure she's holding onto. But at days end, as I puff puff then take my prenatal vitamin, I can't help but feel a little indignant. My body, my baby, my bud, right?! If things are okay, then I should keep doing what works right?? I heard it's healthy heartbeat and witnessed Baby Big Heads growth in the sonogram. It's recently started to move around in there and it feels like gnarly gas lol I gladly welcome the morning vomit because that means my lil shorty is still alive and kickin. Afterwards I toke up and eat a hearty breakfast and then lunch and sometimes even dinner. I drink way more water than I ever have and make sure I'm getting all my fruit and veggie servings. As it stands, I'm living and self caring better than I ever have before, and my kid is all the better for it. What harm will a little session do, ya know?? Peace and blessings.

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thegeminisage · 8 years ago

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TODAY’S ZELDABLOGGING, which has ENDGAME SPOILERS (yes i beat it):

all right i got about ~3 hours to get my shield and beat zelda lets fucking do this

the temple of time music is breaking my heart

this is one place where i'm mostly ok with them not using a classic tune for it tbh

like this music has so much grief and tranquility

i used to think the plateau was SO huge and really it's almost miniscule

i know it's a bit of a waste of time but i'm making the final trek on foot, no fast travel, temple of time to the castle

So Many Guardians

i can fight them now but only if theyre in the right place too close or far away and i cant do it

on a side note: yesterday (?) i found a beautiful pink spring i took many pictures of

today i saw that glowing spot on the map and realized i'd never figured out what it was!

dropped a pin bc i was curious, and it's the pink spring

temptation to warp over, check it out, and warp back: astronomical

but i'm on both a mission and a time limit, so it'll have to wait

ok. ok. im Here. its Time. lets go. shield first. that is My Shield, and the stalnox Cannot have it

there's a door i can't figure out how to open :/

ah, i see the stalnox

but i want that door!

google isn't helping me so i guess i have to leave it??

ok, all abilities fully charged, 3 fairies, plenty of food. i can do this. i almost killed one by accident once. that is MY SHIELD.

oh my god its got SWORDS stuck all in it jesus FUCK

my first shot did a lot of damage! but im wearing the atk+ armor which i can't keep on, it's a glass cannon

oh my god that was so EASY?

i kicked its ASS LMAO

YESSSS THERES MY SHIELD OH YES

holy shit when my swoprd strikes something in here it sounds like cannon fire! steady glowing too

i don't think there's one right way to go here so i'm gonna try to explore as much as i can

i've been spoiled by the fact that zelda has a diary laying out somehwere so i wanna find it for myself

ohhh the remains of the red carpet in here

i'm actually next to the tower i climed before, apparently i was just shy of exploring all there was to see up there...i'll see if i can have another look

lol i decide that and it IMMEDIATELY begins with the lightning storm

i found it!!! oh god was this her bedroom ;_;

AAAH SHE TALKS ABOUT LINK

he's quiet and persostent and can't resist a good meal

and it talks about why he never speaks ;_;

I LOVE THIS HE HAS A PERSONALITY!!!!

omg she even talks about her mother ;_;

A WOMAN NOT OF THIS EARTH

the goddess hylia or was it fi?? oh my god.......

WORTH IT!!!

found the guard chambers ;_; this all hurts my heart, so much was just Lost

oh my god no THE BLOOD MOON...

huh. no cutscene here

honestly fighting my way thru moblins in hyrule castle...haha man

ohhhh the library ): i bet zelda loved it here

oh my god they even had docks under the castle!!!

oh NO i found the king's journal

he hated being cruel to her and was gonna be kind when she got back but instead the last time they really saw each other they were fighting!!!

still doesn't give him an excuse tbh but i can find a SLIVER of sympathy now

okay so........now i've explored all the insides. i go out?? i.......fight ?????

oooohh god im scared again ))):

oh shit oh Shit i found it oh god

im looking up a walkthru to read after the fight starts i dont need any more surprises

ZELDA?

OH MY GOD HE'S DISGUSTING HE'S SPIDER LIKE I AM SHRIEKING WHY IS IT ALWAYS SPIDERS

YEAAHH BOY HALF HEALTH FUCK YOU GANON

I HAVE COURAGE!!!!

ooh he has guardian weapons

ok yes walkthru

GOD LMAO if you dont free the divine beasts you have to fight the minibosses here

oh god this is gonna be tough

haha "guardian weapons will break your shield" NOT MY SHIELD

i mean yes it can break but its Highly durable and replacements can be made if it does

OH GOD HE'S GROSS HE'S BUGLIKE WHY WHY

GANON THE MAN WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER

i mean i know. they had us fight a manlike thing in ss AND tp but. i miss him

oooh down to 25%

YES FUCK THERE HE GOES

eeeew

im ready for phase 2 baby

there's gotta be one right there ALWAYS is

YES here we go

AAAH I GOT THE BOW OF LIGHT

oh no i dont have epona though just a different horse im sad i should have left her out

BUT HE LOOKS JUST LIKE GANON THAT I KNOW

OH MY GOD THE FINAL BOSS MUSIC IS THE TRAILER MUSIC

THE MAIN THEME AT LEAST

WE'RE ON HYRULE FIELD NEVER DID I SUSPECT THIS WOULD BE OUR BATTLEGROUND

I DID IT!!!!

ZELDA

BEAUTIFUL SWEET YOUNG BRAVE ZELDA WITH HER MUDSTAINED DRESS

oh my g o d

"may i ask, do you really remember me"

oh my god...oh my god

ANSWER HER?

AND NOW CREDITS? IM DYING

ohhh the credits showed a bit of everybody and despite myself when they played the trailer song and showed the old man/the plateau i welled up we've come so far

HEY THERE'S SHIGERU MIYAMOTO'S NAME HEYYYYYYYY

awww that was the last song of the trailer

A STINGER

THANK GOD

ohh my god

IF THE SPIRITS OF THE CHAMPIONS AND THE OLD MAN WATCHING LINK AND ZELDA WEREN'T AN OOT NOD....

OH MY GOD ONE MORE SECOND AND ZELDA COULD HAVE MET EYES WITH HER FATHER

jesus christ, old man disappeared last too, my HEART

theyre gonna restore hyrule!! they're gonna travel together again!!

okay i GOTTA load my file and see what's what

awww it's the one i saved right before the battle i thought there was post-game content...?

it does have a little star next to it tho

ah well

that was.......incredible

and i cried

so there's that

man!!!!! im so, so glad

what a good game

honest crit: no, it wasn't PERFECT

i could have stood more classic tunes to punch me in the feels more often and give us more of that old #aesthetic since they changed SO much about everything else - at times it didn't even quite feel like a zelda game, though the reminders that it WAS were always heartbreaking and wonderful

also maybe this was just my playstyle but i feel like there could have been more than just the four dungeons since they were so short...i know the dungeon-y puzzle stuff was spread all around with koroks and shrines, but is One big dungeon too much to ask? even hyrule castle had 1000 ways you could have gotten through

could have stood a little more acknowledgement of who you were and what you were doing as the divine beasts started waking up? like from npcs and shit, not even for Glory or whatever but just because the story felt reeeeeeally spread out, even with the memories scattered everywhere

and again a little bias here but some of the battles once you began getting Up There were a little TOO fake-difficult...i saw white bokoblins in old old places so i know it has to do with You, not your location, and i could have lived w/o it tbh

would have loved some form of new game + or postgame content, but maybe i'm just sad bc i misunderstood a spoiler or w/e it was that happened

things i loved:

the music

the cinematics, holy shit

the voice acting

when they DID use classic tunes it was to INCREDIBLE effect, same with the castle style, the ruins, even the nostalgic armor

obviously the open world gameplay was delightful and addicting, i literally couldn't get enough

the final boss battle wasn't too hard but VERY climactic and wonderful, just difficult Enough - could have maybe been a BIT harder but then i did start with him at half health!!

the dungeons, while there weren't enough of them, were EXTREMELY cool, i felt DWARFED by those beasts, after i saw the first one i never called them jaegers again

actually kind of liked the weapon durability thing bc then i could just pick them up during combat when i was running low and steal them or fight with them, throw them, etc

did not like the BOW durability, all my bows broke VERY quickly, that and running out of arrows always was totally urgh...even with my weapons inventory upgraded i STILL couldn't hold all the cool ones the game threw at me, it needed to be like that for players that favored the bow - more of them that were OP, more arrows, etc

anyway i could go on and on but

i gotta sleep, and

i'm so happy zelda is free

it would have been so cool to have her as a companion in post-game, Somehow

or at least see her reunion with all those who missed her

or see link get his memories back

it ended a bit too soon but it was beautiful and i loved it

goodnight

#personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers

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