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a-drama-addict · 4 days ago

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back in the trenches (designing merfolk)

#HAVENT DONE THIS SINCE 2021 EITHER FML #i can do it... i am strong #roscoe rambles

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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twinstxrs · 9 months ago

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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

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sofiaruelle · 5 months ago

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Would you dance, if i asked you to dance? 😫🫣

A wip for now,,,,

#wip #stardew valley #Stardew valley Abigail #Stardew valley penny #have this for now cause I’m still figuring out how the other bachelorettes would dress #for the spring flower dance #i might keep the vibes very coquettish with the lace/ruffles and ribbons #and like very cottage core obvi #cause ‘florals for spring..groundbreaking’#the flower dance gives of very strong traditional pagan fertility ritual energy????#and i am trying to figure out how some of the characters will put a spin on the ‘uniform’ they’re supposed to wear #make flower dance outfits gay af basically #let Abigail wear her converse with her dress cause baby thats just meeeee #also lowkey stressing over maximalist-ic layering cause on one hand i can see some of the gorlies are more minimalist #but i wanna play with TEXTURES #doing 2 outfits cause I’m insane and i have too many ideas #rip to my limp wrist

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anna-scribbles · 2 years ago

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haven’t had enough time to draw s5 adrinette to convey just how much this is genuinely the only thing on my mind

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago

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Introvert adoption

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wen ning #jiang cheng #(The actual name of this season 2 extra is 'First meeting with Wen Ning' but I ran out of space.)#I am obligated to try and wiggle in Wen Ning scenes whenever I can. Our baby boy needs his screentime to grow big and strong.#This whole scene is very good and does a lot to show us several important traits about wwx:#1) He has no hesitation to put his own face or life at risk to help someone (even if they have never met).#2) He does not care for what others say or think about him; he will do what he thinks is right.#And he is smart enough to think is is always right about his judgement. This will be a problem later.#I also think the silly energy in this scene is top notch.#Wen Ning is the wild chipmunk wwx managed to catch and wants to keep as a pet.#Jiang Cheng is gently easing this boy out of wwx's extrovert maw and saying 'put him back outside'.#Can you imagine being blindsided by the full force of wwx out of nowhere? Getting his support and then archery tips?#You're done. You've been caught in his snare and you aren't getting out.

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usercelestial · 4 months ago

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okay but literally what if buck and tommy end up together? like what if we get to see them moving in together or saying i love you for the first time or getting engaged or getting married? what if we get to see buck having a husband? literally what then...

#can i be honest the likleihood of bucktommy lasting to me is hard to figure out for me. i think some people saying bucktommy bonessssss #or whatever are saying it for the wrong reasons but there is truth to the idea that there is a very strong possibility that it doesnt last #longer than a season #not cause of buddie. just cause bad writing. this isnt a show where characters can really move forward a lot so #with bucks love interests especially they dont stick around and i am afraid we're gonna keep buck in that revolving door of love interests #with no end point. which is why i feel like some of those ppl should stfu about “god i hope they break up 😡” cause like.#are you sure? do you want that? no no not for you ship i mean like for this character completely independent of that ship. do you want that?#does that better his character in any way? does that further any development INDEPENDENTLY of the ship you want to happen?#okay rant over but like !!!!! what if it happens?? what if we get to see buck be happy and flourish in a relationship???#what then #bucktommy #firefly tag

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sanasanakun · 23 days ago

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People try too hard to make Curly an active participant in Jimmy's abuse. Isn't the whole point that he's passive in everything Jimmy does? Abuse occurs because he actively doesn't do anything? Not to call someone out or be mean, but I saw a post saying Anya's ID being in Curly's locker at the beginning shows that he intended to prevent Anya from filing an HR report and I disagree. I get where that interpretation is coming from, but I think it's a little uncharitable. I don't like being too kind to Curly because he's like...a morally mid dude at best lol But if we're going by the HR report interpretation, I would say it's more likely he requested Anya's ID in order to file an HR report on her behalf. After all, the only way to contact Pony (that we see) is in the cockpit, he's the Captain, and Pony Express sucks bad so I wouldn't put it past them to only allow the Captain to use the communication device thing. As we see before, Curly is the only one able to use tools around the ship that you would think other employees could use (ex. Swansea should be able to use the axe if he's the repair guy. Idk why they'd need an ax but that falls under manual labor which Swansea is designated for as the mechanic/fixer dude. But it has to go through Curly). I never got the vibe that Curly moved to actively protect Jimmy. He just lets things happen without say a word; Jimmy walks all over him, and by extension, the whole crew. I get why people would think that because he gives the whole "Hey Jimmy, we can get through this together, bud" spiel right before the crash. This part interests me a lot because there's so many ways to interpret Curly's intentions there. My interpretation is that Curly is on autopilot mode. The responses seem so stilted in comparison to Jimmy's. Like it's the kind of thing Curly's said before again and again and again when Jimmy's gotten in trouble. However, as others previously pointed out, I don't think Curly ever dealt with Jimmy doing something this irredeemable. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just goes for the default "You've gotten through tough situations before. Work through it one step at a time." Like the response is lame af lol I think he was in shock; he was scared (and just so I can say it one more time: he's super lame).

Anyway, this is way longer than I intended and I've said things a billion people have already stated. But uhhh tldr the whole point of Curly's character is he's passive; he never acts. He just watches. Making him an active participant in the abuse by taking actions to cover for Jimmy (like preventing Anya from filing an HR report) defeats the purpose of his character. He's a bystander.

#and I'm defining active as in like consciously taking actions to help Jimmy cover his tracks and stuff like that #because I know being passive can be seen as the same thing as actively participating in the abuse (which i agree with)#I just mean I don't think he's actually intending to help Jimmy by doing anything for him like taking Anya's ID away with nefarious purpose #I just didn't get that vibe #again I just thought he sucked lol like he just does nothing #so idk I just don't vibe when people make him too into helping Jimmy if that makes sense? I think it destroys the grayness of his character #they will never make me have a strong opinion of you Curly #but he is fine as hell ok lol I am not immune to buff blonde man #also like I hope this doesn't come off as mean to the person I'm referencing with the ID take if they see it #I just was thinking about their interpretation and was like ehhh i don't know if i agree and wanted to respond on my lil side account ;p #mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #captain curly #anya mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing #ok and I could see people saying he actively covers for him by doing the psych eval for him and being like uhhhh good enough lmao #but to me that's him trying to placate any issues between crewmembers on his ship esp. when it comes to Jimmy #which just falls under the bystander thing because he'll do the bare minimum to keep things peaceful #but when it comes to doing anything he's just like whelp idk what I can do and just stands there #he's so cool #ok also I realize they need the ax for the foam I just forgot about that lmao #i was a little tipsy when I wrote this plz forgive hahaha I just meant like an ax isn’t like normally in a mechanic’s tool kit lmao #adding a link to the Twitter post I mention so people can refer back to it if they’d like

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nipaaahh · 3 months ago

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This is literally his first line of dialog with Apollo asdfghjkl

#finally had time to start with this game! so excited!#never played it before so i am hyped!#starting strong for the shippers i see #ace attorney #apollo justice #klapollo #such a dumb shipname but what can you do with the ace attorney names being what they are honestly XD #klavier gavin

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arttsuka · 4 months ago

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Based on somewhat real events

I spent way too much time drawing this...

But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you

A continuation (kinda)

#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually #only when I'm already overstimulated #there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong #one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day #I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and #2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others #anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters #I hate drawing their faces so much #gravity falls #stanford pines #ford pines #young stanford pines #stan pines #stanley pines #young stan pines #art #fanart #traditional art #comic #long post #watercolor #forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well #is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really #I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal #btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags #is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan #teen ford

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egophiliac · 3 months ago

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I love ur twst pokemon au but I have exactly one complaint: Lilia doesn't have a Noivern

Mr pop rock bat without the sound bat??? Seems like a crime of some kind

(This is intended to be all lighthearted sorry if it comes off as otherwise!!!)

thanks! :> it's a boring reason, but I didn't give him one because it's not, like, a real AU or anything with full teams; it's just me drawing the guys with some pokemon according to a couple of arbitrary rules I made up! I wanted to keep it to just one or two each, and I was already pushing it by giving him three, so. 🤷 if you want him to have a Noivern, he can have a Noivern in your heart!

#twisted wonderland #joseimuke games are serious business #poketwst #trust me i do understand having strong opinions about what pokemon fit what guys #(i will die on the hill of vil having a garbodor and neige being the one with a milotic but this can be discussed later)#i just felt VERY strongly about drampa and swarms of woobat #(admittedly i am biased towards woobat because. c'mon. look at it.)#𓆩{ ♡ }𓆪 #and i had to give past lilia a mawile. i had to. they have the same hair.#that said not to pick the most annoying option but. the more i think about it the more i think maybe mel had a noivern #that's all i'll say without spoiler tags but i'm actually VERY into that idea now

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mari-lair · 4 days ago

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I was wondering, what are your thoughts on KouKane?? I desperately needs someone to talk about them!!!

I love them muah muah. Be it romantic, platonic, or one sided, is all 10/10 for me. I am pretty sure you are specifically talking about the ship here tho, so have Kou with a crush on his cool senpai.