#i can barely watch one show these days
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starfire-s · 3 months ago
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this can’t be the same brain that used to watch 10 kdramas at a time
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shidoukanae · 2 months ago
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Hello to the Buddyfight fandom it's been a hot minute but god do i miss this show and have been making fanart for it in the background so i thought i'd post to tumblr too ^^
I swear every year I end up coming back to this show and wishing that it kept going, that it got rebooted, that i could just erase my memories of this show and just watch it all over again from the beginning to enjoy everything once again from Tasuku's own sense of justice twisting against him to Gao's suffering of PTSD and how heartfelt it was handled.
There's something very special about this show that I haven't been able to find replicated elsewhere. It has the most perfect world to exist (so much so that i'd love to be isekai'd into it if i could!!!) and while i have my own gripes with it (hi S3+) i honestly sometimes wish i could go back to my high school years of watching this show just to relive it all again :'D
Anyways!!! I hope there's still people out there who enjoy this show even ten years later who'll like seeing new funny artwork for it!
I wanna add too that i'm hoping to create a rewrite of FCBF (ft. seasons 1-3 + Ace) or at least create more artwork for my interpretation of it and its world!
Because, sincerely, this show is one of the few that, for all its flaws, hasn't disappointed me in the years that've followed unlike many other things i've seen and i wanna try to keep the spirit of it alive while I can thanks to that. And if there are any fans still in existence who love it, i wanna provide some food while its once again in my orbit because damn do i adore this show <3 <3 <#
#it's been like a year but im back on my buddyfight kick again#and since im back feeling dejected about OC things again i might try and focus on buddyfight stuff for a bit :Dc#fcbf#future card buddyfight#buddyfight#Deathgaze Death Dragon#Noboru Kodo#Tasuku Ryuenji#Gao Mikado#Drumbunker Dragon#Sawblade Dragon is a funny little critter I made as part of Tasuku's deck in my AU that im writing#and the other two monsters you can just barely see in the last image are Gallows/a Buddy I gifted Sofia#because tbh Sofia really needed a Buddy#specifically a Star Dragon World one#though as of this point in my AU she doesn't have her Star Dragon buddy bc it doesn't “Exist” yet ofc#middlemost image is also an old art thing but a headcanon thing for those mystery kids bc i like them despite not being a fan of-#Sofia/Tasuku all that much (tho had more effort gone into the writing behind them i probably would have liked them tbh lol)#I mean who doesn't like the idea of a guy who was at her side specifically and worked with her to achieve the bad guys goals#ends up watching his precious Buddy be attacked by her which is what snaps him out of his corrupted mental state to finally realize he's in#the wrong#& then when he later meets her as enemies he suffers cognitive dissonance of both loathing and respect towards her which culminates in him-#holding a personal vendetta towards her while also recognizing her efforts as a former ally who helped him during his Disaster days#and so when he gets to the future and has to rely on her help and guidance he has to confront the fact they're two sides of the same coin#& that she's neither an ally nor enemy but a mirror to himself of what he could've been if he'd decided to take action outside of the law#i mean#there was a LOOOOOOT of missed potential between Tasuku & Sofia if the show really wanted to go down the route of implying they end up a-#couple in canon (ESPECIALLY compared to Tasuku/Gao where it's clear Tasuku cares deeply about Gao and doesn't give a damn about Sofia)#and idk i felt we were robbed of a lot of things that could have given chemistry between Sofia and Tasuku
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wildshadowtamer · 2 months ago
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i think more fans need to revisit their source material sometimes. just. remind yourself of the actual character your talking about.
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teeth-cable · 1 year ago
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Have you seen The Amazing Digital Circus yet?
If so, what's your opinion on it?
I LOVE TADC! It’s my favorite indie show at the moment! There’s just so much I like about it but my main ones are
1. The setting and execution being unique. A horror-like project taking place in an late 90s/early 2000s digital game is not a new idea and same goes with characters being stuck in a purgatory however it’s how the artists reinvent those idea that makes it new. The digital Circus made its own aesthetic that makes it stand out from other projects with similar concepts and designs. When I first watched the pilot, one of many things that stuck out to me was how new the story ideas felt. I couldn’t think of any other pieces of media similar to TADC beside for surface-level comparisons. The TADC created its own aesthetic and knows what it wants to be and I like it!
2. Soundtrack. Speaks for itself, the soundtrack for the pilot is so good especially Your New Home. That song is very catchy and emotional too. It has such a unique melody, everytime you hear the first few notes you instantly recognize it. It does a great job highlighting the dread and existentialism crisis of Pomni’s situation. I recommend to give it a listen if you haven’t.
3. The characters dynamics. I just love how the characters interact with each other. The majority of the jokes comes from characters’ interactions and dynamics and how well everyone plays off of each other. The best example is Jax with everyone, Jax is a funny jerk who likes bullying his peers. It’s funny to see what creative ways Jax will bully the other people whether it’s being sarcastic and making quips at them, or though goofy pranks and how the characters react because of their contrast in personality. Every character beside Jax is openly stressed or worried in someway while Jax, at first seem like a chill layback dude.
4. The characters differences. I adored the differences between each character from how they talk to their poses. After watching HH and HB, I learned to have an appreciation for character differences. It’s just refreshing to see characters allowed to be different instead of the same tired reused tropes and repeating the same type of dialogue again for every character.
5. Mystery and lore. There is so much to explore in the pilot, it’s make you wanting more. When going in to watch the pilot, I made the mistake of thinking the series will be predictable. I didn’t see how they could make this premise work because by the end of it, Pomni will go insane but then I watched the pilot and was speechless. The pilot does a good job setting up questions for the audience to ask. If Caine lied about the exit, what are other things did he lied about? How long has the cast been stuck in the circus? Who are these people? Are they previous game developers? Who were they in their previous lives? What is the company’s motivation to create the headset? What are the abstractions in game? Are they viruses to the game program? Who were the former cast? What horrors has Kinger seen to be as paranoid and easily frighten as he is now? Do the abstractions still have a consciousness? You just want to find out more about the lore to solve the many mysteries in the show. I find it impressive Gooseworx was able to stir up the theorists because they have admitted in an ask, there are already theories floating around that are almost right about the show.
One problem I did have for the pilot were the scenes containing the Gloink Queen. The pacing of the pilot was fine until we got to her then it was slow. I feel it dragged longer than it needed too but beside that, my issues for the pilot ends.
I can’t speak for the fandom on other platforms but the tumblr one is great! Most of the time everyone is being respectful towards each other and I love seeing what creative theories, AU, fanfics, and art the fans created. The only people causing drama are the anti-shippers, and it’s just dumb. All of the cast are adults, if age gaps ships makes people uncomfortable, that’s valid but they shouldn’t make it into other people’s problems. Gooseworx themselves admitted they don’t care for romance and they don’t want fans in the fandom getting harassed over shipping.
Overall despite what issues I had for the pilot and fandom, they’re overshadowed by the positives and I can’t wait to see the full show and the fandom’s growth.
#꧁rambles꧂#➥asks#the amazing digital circus#The TADC is the indie show and fandom I needed#After a year of critiquing Viv and her shows and being a fandom as toxic as HH & HB I just needed a break#I’m still active as you can see but barely posting and critiquing the shows anymore#I do check the critical tags every now and again to catch up and I’m just not interested in consuming any Viv’s content anymore#The last Ep I saw from HB was Unhappy Campers and the last video related to HH was the Happy Day in Hell one#I kinda don’t see the point of being very active on my HH amounts when I’m no longer watching Viv and I think everything to Viv is regressi#Viv is getting more careless about how she presents herself online and people are starting to noticed how much of an ass she really is#responding on a funny shitpost of “If the TADC was written by Viv” lightly making fun of her and she blew up once again#I’ve seen creators with a decent size following in other platform not just Twitter called her out and Viv and the fandom is be the-#reasons why Hazbin will fail#Her fandoms are notorious for being toxic/ fans going out of their way to attack not just haters but anyone who doesn’t praise Viv 24/7#Viv is actively creating toxic environment in her fanbases so she can protect herself from criticism and allegations behind her fans#But because of this Viv is contributing to the future downfall of Hazbin because no one wants to be associated with her because of her fanb#There’s just no reason to stay around#If the reaction to the Prime’s video Happy Day in Hell from outsiders is mixed then the reaction will be too for the full release#Plus the general attitude towards Viv has changed over the last three years#Despite her previous controversies she was see as a respectful creator but now views are mixed#People see her as the indie creator whose show took a nose drive in season 2/doesn’t pay her employees/is immature/and is now seen in a-#more negative light
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shirogane-oushirou · 26 days ago
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
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[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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lohstandfound · 5 months ago
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ignore this.
learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom
even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit
#lohst.txt#they're all so right#because this fandom has had problems since the beginning#its always about the boys#the fics and the art and everything#and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death#yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well#(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong#if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters#i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers#i dont know what im saying#it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls#did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah#i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up#but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them#i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored#(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly#i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics#mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis#(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn#but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters#the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends#i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity#and there was so much hate#everyone likes christine and brooke#theyre the nice girls#the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group
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katarascape · 2 years ago
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I'm trying to watch Alone Australia rn and girl. Girl i Cannot
Like idk, maybe i was expecting too much but for people to be freaked about the sound of the trees on day one. Day. One. GIRL. You are meant to be living on country alone for MONTHS, and you're acting like you've never even been camping in your own back yard. Girl i can't
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mars-ipan · 2 years ago
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i think it’s crazy how often an adult cartoon will get popular and then jewish people will point out that it’s antisemitic and like every time i think “oh it must be kind of subtle for this many people to not notice” and then it’s the most overt in-your-face “the writer of this plot point believes in the illuminati” shit
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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youtube
this is not the exact one I watched but I saw one of these "dish scape" things at someone's house who actually has TV (like they pay for dish/cable instead of just watching stuff online) and I think they're meant to be relaxing atmospheric stuff that you mostly ignore, but I sat there for 35 minutes watching absolutely engrossed.. further proof that I genuinely think my brain is incapable of experiencing boredom lol..
#IT'S BECAUSE there's so many little details that like you can spend minutes just scanning every corner of the image and taking it all in and#you keep finding new things! like 'oh I didn't know that blade of grass moved!' or 'I didnt see that bucket before!'. And then on top of#so many details - some things genuinely do change. The one I saw was a Beach house scene and sometimes a bird would fly by or ONE TIME kite#came out of nowhere. a sandcastle built and unbuilt itself. there's a firepit and it comes on when the sky changes from day to afternoon!!#this is like watching a sports game to me. I need weird detail oriented friends who will sit for 20 minutes staring at a barely moving pict#ure & cheer and clap with me when a seagull flies across the screen ghgj.. THERE HE IS!!!! etc!! and there's just so much to think about!!#Like how the images are layered or animated and the choices that were made (like I think the sunrise and sunset sky background images for t#e beachouse are just the same picture flipped and recolored) and trying to predict what's going to happen next (will the lights in the hous#turn off for night time? will another bird show up??) etc! I even got up at one point to walk close to the screen and get a better view of#hese paintings that were visible through the beachhouse windows. and then thinking about building a similar home in the sims! OR ALSO THIS#WOULD BE SUCH A COOL medium I think to tell a story! Like you upload a video to youtube that is framed just as a completely average moving#screensaver ambiance type of thing. It's like 7 hours long and mostly loops the same still image. However. over time at certain points you#can see some thing happen like watching characters interact through the windows. animals or people walk across the screen. certain elements#in the environment morph or change. etc. In such a way that an entire like plot is conveyed. maybe like fantasy mystery sort of thing. I WI#SH I could do this style of art / had friends who could or had money to pay somebody to. I would LOVE to collaborate on a weird surreal#It's Just Your Average Slowly Looping Moving Screensaver Video I Promise' type story.. jjhhgHH.. Or even just making one of these set in so#me of my fantasy world environments. not as a secret thing with easter eggs that tell a story but just literally an image like this tha#moves over time and etc. HHRRGRGHhhhhGG.. ANYWay!! I had to actually turn it off not because I was bored but because it was distracting me#. which is funny since again. I think for most people it's meant to be a 'just leave it on in the background' type of thing that's bland an#neutral . But it was just making me think too much ghjgh.. This is why I can't go to amusement parks or nightclubs bars or concerts like..#a moving screensaver image is too overstimulating to my brain. Could you imagine me going to an environment just full of sensory informatio#like loud noises poeple talking flashing lights etc. etc. ? hghghb... Visiting a grocery store at a slightly busy hour is like my upper lim#it... Anyway.. everything is just so interesting to me. Even if I was locked in a room alone I would have plenty to think about & amu#se myself. I am also a hater definitely like I'm a very analytical person who is critical of society and systems & everything that exists#and even generally am just very opionated and have distinct preferences - so just because everything is INTERESTING does not mean I LIKE or#enjoy everything or never get tired of/annoyed by situations or ideas or etc. But it's more just like.. I literally dont think I could ever#be bored because of the way my brain works and also I approach life with elements of childlike whimsy and constant obsessive curiosity and#attention to detail. so as much as I am an analytical bore I also love everything and the world is fascinating at all times. lol.. duality#of man. if you get it then you get it. ANYWAY.. wanted to ramble abt it. I don't like the above video as much as the one I actually saw but#I couldn't find the beach one online.. BUt.. aaHH! best viewed whilst talking to yourself narrating/cheering! ALSO I want to make one!!!
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smokedcapybara · 1 year ago
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Me, who literally just sweeps for a living: ah nice the weekend I can rest and hopefully engage in some hobbies
Mom, who spends all day almost every day at home just sitting on her phone: could you sweep the apartment?
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mrs-han · 2 years ago
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Hi Mama Han! 💜 Please know my Happy Birthday wishes are meant to be sent the day of your birthday and not before 🙏 (in my country is considered bad luck to greet someone for their birthday days before 😅)
I thought of asking for something sweet like MC making Jumin sleep on her lap on the days at his penthouse when he obviously didn't sleep, but THEN I remembered this video:
https://youtu.be/d_sa4Ur04QU
And the masterpiece that was "The Trilogy of the Marias" with Thalia and I thought: Jumin's route, but as a Mexican telenovela with the funniest tropes we love from the medium (the rich boy, the poor girl, the evil stepmom, AMNESIA, lost relatives, Soraya! Pick your choice! )
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Basically I hope you can write something you can have fun writing 😊 and Happy Birthday (in a few days)
Omo, hello Darling!! *huggu*
(Don’t worry, I totally understand — my family will only say it the day of, too! I got caught saying ‘Happy Birthday’ to my father the day before his birthday, and I got LOOKS.)
AND OKAY UM, MEXICAN TELENOVELAS?! Omo. Omo, I just got an idea based off of a show modeled after a telenovela 😂 if you know, you know! (My mom loves that novela, by the by 😂)
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Okie!! Here goes!! And ¡¡¡Muchas gracias por tu petición!!! Siento haber tardado tanto ><
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Jumin had never attended a unisex baby shower before. His father’s more lucrative partner insisted on a gender-neutral theme, something Jumin heavily admired. The colors were very pleasing to the eye.
But as the party progressed, Jumin couldn’t stop noticing the combined glow and irritability of the mother-to-be. She kept complaining of the room being too hot, or too cold. She had even thrown a gifted pair of slippers at her husband’s head at one point.
“Ah, sweet love.” Standing next to his best friend, V casually leaned against Jumin’s sturdy figure. “Take it in, Jumin. One day, that will be us. At the mercy of our dear —”
“What the hell is this?” The mother-to-be demanded, lifting up a pair of slim-fitting jeans. “Who would buy me this now?! Do I look like I can fit into jeans?!”
V awkwardly lifted his glass to his lips. Jumin bit back a laugh.
“Hey Jumin, she’d like jeans, wouldn’t she? She can wear them after she gives birth, right?”
“Honey, try to calm down —”
“How can I stay calm when some idiot thinks I can fit into a size two after this?!”
Slipping out of the room like an eel between rocks, V set his wine glass down and exhaled shakily.
“I’m not an expert, but —”
“Shut up, Jumin.”
Laughing softly, Jumin’s eyes fell to his blurry reflection echoed in the wine’s dark red color.
“Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?” V asked.
“About?”
“Settling down. Having kids.”
Jumin was ready to object, but his best friend was right. His mind did wander to the possibilities of siring heirs one day, but that meant meeting a woman and…
Ehm.
Still. Jumin’s age combined with the lack of an heir to the Han family name got to him.
A little bit.
“I have no interest in dating anyone at the moment, much less marrying them. Children are, unfortunately, a very distant goal.”
Finishing his wine, V smacked his lips, much to Jumin’s chagrin. “Sure, if you stay in your bubble.”
“Sure, I should be just like you,” Jumin scoffed. “Rambling to the park attendant about the speeds of rollercoasters and eventually throwing up in the nearest trash can once the ride is over.”
“… You said you’d never bring that up again.”
“It’s safe to say that you and I aren’t siring any heirs anytime soon. Women repulse me, and you, well —”
“Yes, yes, I’ll probably puke all over the next woman I talk to. Right?”
“… No, but why not.” Jumin grinned.
V’s eyes grew as a thought came to mind. “Ready for a crazy idea?”
Jumin took another sip of his wine. “Why not, the night is still young.”
“Let’s donate sperm tomorrow.”
Spitting everything up, Jumin’s eyes bore into V. “Are you — what? Why?”
“Well, like you said. We aren’t having kids anytime soon, and with how much busier our lives are going to get, it’s not a bad idea.”
“V, do you really —”
“We’ll be giving the gift of life to a couple. Or a well-off single mom!”
“… I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll think about it.”
“Come on, Jumin. We both know you’re going to say yes.”
“Doesn’t it bother you? There will be a young man or woman that will one day look like you, or me. We aren’t in the private eye, Jihyun.”
“Who cares about all that. Why are you so worried?”
Jumin felt the uncomfortable churn of jealousy over V’s more carefree nature. “I… well, there’s no harm in checking it out —”
“I already made an appointment for us.”
“You wha — delete it.”
A shame V refused to listen. The following day, Jumin found himself sitting in the waiting room of a sperm donor facility.
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“No, that’s literally impossible.”
“Ma’am… I’m sorry, but…” laughing nervously, the doctor looked at you, then at the paperwork in her hand. “The results prove otherwise. When was your last period?”
“Uh, a I’m a little late, but —”
“How late?”
“Two, three weeks? Look, I shouldn’t be pregnant. I can’t be pregnant, I’ve never had sex! I’m here for the results of a Pap smear, not to —!!”
You cut yourself off. You had to, or the swirling sensation you felt would eventually tip you over.
The doctor’s eyes gradually widened. “… You… were the Pap smear appointment at 0900 hours on Tuesday?”
“Yes!!”
“… Oh!” Her laughter almost calmed your nerves.
Almost.
“I confused my appointments, you see… I had an artificial insemination appointment with another client… forty-five minutes after you… I must have gotten you two mixed up…!”
“Are you kidding me?!” You yelled. “How could you confuse the two?!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t — I had a lot on my mind that day! You see, I had —”
“Oh my God, I don’t want to hear it!!” Throwing your hands up, you couldn’t stop focusing on the anxious churning in your stomach. Hell, maybe it was the seed suddenly aware that it shouldn’t be there.
“There are options for you to take —”
“You know what, you’re done. I want a new doctor.”
“Ma’am, it’s the end of the year… and if you want to schedule an appointment with a new provider, you need to wait until after New Years…”
“After New Years.”
“And our staff at the front desk is going to inform you that the wait will be about two months out…”
You had never been more furious in your life. Sliding off of the examination chair, you (tried to) take as many deep, controlling breaths as possible. You were too afraid to ask about your options, and while abortion was the most reasonable, this doctor would probably end up giving you cyanide to injest.
“If I may,” the doctor voiced timidly, raising her finger.
You shook your head, agitating the budding headache against your temples. “I really don’t want to hear any suggestions, thanks.”
“No, you see… the sperm donor asked that I inform him of when his sperm was ever used —”
“His sperm should have never been used.”
“Nevertheless… would you like to know…? Who…”
The timidity of your doctor’s voice frustrated you further. “It doesn’t matter. I doubt I’ll keep it.”
“Which is reasonable, given the circumstances! But, I’m wondering if you, too, would like to know… given you may not keep —”
“Fine. Who is it.”
She stared at you, fumbling with her fingers. “Are you familiar with Han Jumin of C&R International…?”
You stopped breathing. Your fingers tingled, your throat went dry, and your jaw clenched so tightly that you felt your teeth grinding rigidly against each other.
Han Jumin. The heir to the massive business conglomerate, C&R. Of course you knew him. Well, not personally. You were currently reading one of his books, The Successful Path of a Certain Man, for your Business Intelligence & Analytics final.
He was a business magnate, a flawless negotiator and the role model for business majors everywhere.
And you were inseminated with his seed.
“I have to go.”
“Um, wait — ma-am!”
Ignoring your doctor completely, you grabbed your coat and rushed out of the facility. It was too much for you to absorb, and you had so many questions.
Like, what was the Han Jumin doing at a sperm bank?
How would you go about suing your doctor?
Why did you schedule your first freaking Pap smear towards the end of the year?!
You wanted to go home, curl under a huge pile of blankets, and disappear from the world.
But something else captured your attention. A ping from your phone.
Unknown: … Hello…? Can you see this?
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stripesysheaven · 1 year ago
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purring-tiefling · 2 years ago
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not vent but vent. like. i think i would attribute anything negative to venting. anyways it's in the tags
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keeps-ache · 3 days ago
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ohh i do Not like my hair being wet ouhrrr
#just me hi#Ouhrrrrrrrr#It's just a bad sensation but it's hard to describe Why#I like water and I like being in it but I hate it On My Head after I'm out of it. Sigh!#Don't like touching it either. My hair is gross when wet <///3#I just outta the shower so the damp sufferings have commenced lmfshv#//also been thinking about how I say words because I have been TEASED. For saying water funny hfbshc#It really does come out like 'woerder' but in a subtle why lol#n 'shawr' (shower). which I think Must be more common but I think it's fun :3#n milk is pronounced 'mewk' but again; subtly hfhs#Siblings are barely starting to catch on.. quick i need to add more before they find all of them kfhsvdc#those are the most common ones anyway :)#//anyway watched gladiator before the shower it was good 💥#Also watched a movie while doing the inks to my last piece called uhhh sanctified I think ? It's a western n it's on yt for free so#That one was good too i liked the character death by the tree [<- purposefully vague]#I have questions but nobody has answers so I'll spin them to myself kfshvfh#//also thinking abt how i cannot just blast all my affection for someone in a condensed beam straight into their brain :(#Like it's just in my heart. And I'm sposed to hold it there until I figure out how to get it out#Which is okay. Ig that leaves eternity to try to find out how to tell and show#Sigh. yea :)#//also my youngest siblings are learning to skate !!!!!#I'm so prouddddddddddd blooooo [on the ground]#The youngest Finally got the hang of moving around and she's figured out how to turn when she's going a bit quick !!! Hey !!!#i taught the two of them how to do little jumps to avoid cracks in the pavement and Yea#The older one got a hang of moving Real quick!! I'm thinking he might like learning to do jumps at some point so I'll ask our other brother#Abt that :33#He was p good at jumps and tricks :D I remember this one time during open street in Detroit they had these ramps for skateboarders I think#And he was just Flying off of them#It was cool :D#//ANYWHO. I can sincerely talk abt my siblings all day but they would be so mad at me if I bragged abt them so KFVSH
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uygfiug · 4 months ago
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putting in 3 times the required effort only to barely get a passing grade
#i have a bunch of tasks to do in my vacation#bc i dont have good grades#and one of them is for sports class#bc i dont participate in it for reasons & the replacement tasks are way too much work??#stuff like watching an entire football match & writing a detailed analysis#after describing common football tactics & the main rules & positions & also the history of the sport#in one week#which imo is a lot heavier than just playing a stupid ball game for 2 hours#& anyways they want me to do other sport outside of school to make up for it#such as walking which is no problem for me#& i have to record all my walks on a stupid app#that also saves & publicly shows where i walked btw??? which i already hate but whatever i can deal with that#thing is that the stupid app doesnt work#it malfunctions all the time#and cuts off a lot of my walk most of the time#& i have to walk half an hour each day & one hour twice a week#but today for example i walked for an hour and a half#and the stupid app turned it into barely half an hour#bc i stopped very briefly at some points#to look at ducks & such#i stopped maybe 3 times & never longer than 2 minutes#but it always malfunctions when you stop for any amount of time#so to actually reach what im supposed to do i do one hour walks almost every day & at least two 2-4 hour walks a week#& i enjoy walking#but i dont like how forced this is#& a big part of what i like about walking is getting to go slow & stop often to look at bugs or cool plants or something#but if i go slowly it also malfunctions#sometimes it just cuts off half of my walk#doesnt even save it on the map#just pretends i finished off my walk in the middle of the woods
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preserve-or-raze · 2 years ago
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my tags got out of hand
i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#oh my god i’m not the only person in the whole world who has Struggles and Difficulties#i am in pharmacy school which means i have no money no time etc and so every single thing that would bring an iota of joy or escape#must be cut for time because you haven’t studied for your exam next month so no you cannot start watching that the show.#and because you missed the deadline two weeks ago for that group project that the others did for you there will be no sitting at the piano#also you made a c and not a b on the exam yesterday so maybe instead of ordering takeout like you said you were going to#(because you know that you don’t buy real food on the rare occasion you go to the grocery store)#instead you’re gonna have to pick through your bare cabinets and empty fridge freezer for something. or just not eat#like you sometimes do#this is not a problem bc you’ve saved your money which you can’t afford to waste#that’s what they told you when you started: tell your friends you can’t see them much because a doctoral program is a time commitment#they said: you need to quit your side hustles and get an internship#they said: you need to ask for cleaning supplies for your birthday—and clothes and shoes bc tuition is very expensive#this isn’t some deficiency on your part. everyone else lives in isolation with no hobbies or entertainment too.#the only difference is that THEY spend all that time studying and reviewing and working and preparing—#while YOU are laying in bed all day because the thought of writing that paragraph is nauseating and tomorrows exam is slowly enveloping you#and you can tell because you had to retake those 2 classes and you have to retake another one this summer.#never mind that you still don’t know anything. just keep playing the part. stay afloat until this week’s exam is over#then you can worry about next week’s exams#(you WILL worry about next week’s exams)#learning the ukulele isn’t going to ease your stress it’s just gonna make you feel guilty#what do you mean you already feel guilty because you’ve pulled the ukelele out exactly twice since mom gave it to you for christmas?#that webseries updates 4 times a week. can you honestly tell me that you have 4 hours a week where you don’t feel shame#about not exceeding expectations anymore?#i thought not. close your compute— you didn’t even take it out of your bag.#do you ever take it out of your bag at home?#you don’t.#well i can see why you’re such a fucking failure#it’s 3:27 am but ​i won’t bother telling you to shower or brush your teeth- i know you don’t do that.#you went to bed three and a half hours ago now it’s time to sleep#maybe we’ll see what tomorrow has for us
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