#i been working on like 3 different things today & i Need to take a break <3< /div>
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the-trans-dragon ¡ 4 days ago
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Day 2 of Starting Adderall Again:
->I decided to shower, and then went to the bathroom to shower.
-->I remembered my shower was dirty because maintenance recently worked on my toilet and somehow they got chunks of caulk in the shower, and also I hadn't cleaned it since I moved in about 7 months ago
--->Remembered I also wanted to mop since they'd come into my Clean Space with their Outdoor Shoes
---->Went and got the mop but the mop pad was dirty
---->Threw away the dirty mop pad and got a clean one on
--->Went and mopped the bathroom, which room about 60 seconds
-->Turned my focus towards the shower again and started looking for the cleaner
--->Spent probably 5 minutes looking under all the sinks before *remembering* that I'd used it about a week ago and maybe had left it on the counter
---Found it the counter
-->Sprayed the shower with cleaner
--->Decided to wash the sink while the cleaner was working on the shower
--->Finished the sink in about 5 minutes and then washed the shower for 3-5 minutes
-->Turned on the shower to let it rinse all the cleaner off
->Showered in about 10 minutes, much faster than normal because I didn't spend *any* time trying to remember what I was doing, and yet still did all the steps??? Effortlessly????
I managed to mop the bathroom, clean my sink, clean my shower, ***and*** take a shower, in like??????? 30 minutes?????
And it was all virtually effortless. I had to briefly talk myself into doing it, and then ponder "am I getting needlessly distracted? *Should* I mop too, or just clean the shower?" but it didn't really stress me out to wonder about it. I just...had thoughts in my brain...and they didn't really do anything useful...so I just decided to go ahead and mop, since my brain hadnt come up with any good reason *not* to.
I am in a state of peaceful awe and contentment.
#sorenhoots#adderall#ALSO I SOCIALIZED TODAY WITHOUT HAVING TO FORCE MYSELF TO DO IT THROUGH NEARLY UNBEARABLE SOCIAL ANXIETY.#i socialized on purpose and didnt feel panicky and my heart didnt race and i wasnt constantly stammering or beating myself up for stammerin#and i managed to have timely reactions rather than being so caught up in anxiety and stress to have a response without needing like 5 full#seconds to analyze my behavior and deem it acceptable#AND wow i did so much work at my job!! im MOST proud of how i made sure i went slow and took ample breaks for my hurt hip!#but even while managing my pain i also tidied my ENTIRE department#making sure EVERY shelf looked nice. and then stocked a bunch of stuff. and then! i needed to bring some stuff out of the back#which has been a REALLY stressful task for me lately because its hard to carry a box of wine while using a cane; but ive been to *shy* to#use one of the carts. or it seems like “well itll take 3 times as long if i go get a cart and then use it to move stuff and then put it up.#i didn't worry about taking more time to make sure i didnt hurt myself! i didnt get stuck trying to decide what to do! i just went and got#a cart and then made a loop around my department to drop it all off!!! I DIDNT EVEN GET SUPER ANXIOUS TRYING TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD START#AT THE BACK AND WORK FORWARD- OR THE OTHER WAY. i could just DO things and EXIST and oh my GOD.#im kinda terrified of the possibility of it losing effectiveness after a couple weeks. which has happened in the past. but also--ill have#health insurance soon! GOOD HEALTH INSURANCE because of the Healthcare Marketplace thing!#it was SO EASY to sign up for in this state????? they even had someone i could email who helped me FOR FREE???#you know how sometimes government forms are like “is a professional helping you fill this out?” THATS WHAT THATS FOR. i never even realized#what that question was for??? i was like “is this for rich people who can pay someone else to do it?” BUT APPARENTLY SOMETIMES THE HELP IS#FREE BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT *CAN* ACTUALLY HELP ITS CITIZENS AFFORD HEALTHCARE?????#so even if the adderall stops being as effective...maybe i can try something else! and i can certainly financially afford to go to the dr#and discuss my health and try different meds if needed!!#its wild cos this state is still a very red state but like...its *significantly* less red than the last one. and its been so much easier.
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mechawolfie ¡ 1 year ago
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sneak peak of a drawing bc I'm getting impatient <3
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thesiltverses ¡ 4 months ago
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A very big thank you
I posted this on Patreon, but really wanted to share it here as well:
Post-show life begins
For a long while now I’ve been getting up at 4.30 or 5am, grabbing myself the first coffee of four, and then coming to sit at my desk.
I open up the assembly cut of the newest TSV episode.
I listen to it, I try and pin down which scenes I need to be going back over today. I try and push through the entire morning without a break because when the momentum stalls, that’s what kills your release schedule. (I also worry endlessly about just how much of my hair is falling out, and how spending 12 hours a day wearing headphones could be contributing to that.)
Today was different. I still woke up early - it’s a hard habit to shake off, and probably a useful one going forward. But I didn’t go to my desk, and I didn’t put my headphones on.
I went to the rocking chair we bought for our son when he comes, and I sat there - gently swaying and trying not to spill my coffee all over it, because for some reason it’s fucking beige - and looked out over the city skyline. 
I slugged back my coffee surrounded by all the stuff we’ve panic-bought for the baby, and I got to take all of it in - washcloths and the changing table and romper suits - with a sudden focus and a clarity and a rising excitement that I really hadn’t allowed myself to feel until today, because until today the work was still unfinished and there was still much left to be done.
All at once I felt very free, and fully sated, and happy and proud for everything that’s coming next.
There’s so much to feel grateful for from the past three years of working on this show. But what’s probably going to sit with me the most is being able to arrive at that moment and those feelings today, - and we have all of you incredible people to thank for that.
Not just in terms of listenership or financial support, although that’s been truly invaluable and a lifeline for us that’s enabled us to actually make the show - but also your enthusiasm, your passion, your jokes and comments and everything that’s helped to keep us motivated and working on it.
So - with as much feeling as words can convey, thank you so, so much for everything.
What’s coming next, in rough order
#1: Parentdom is going to take over our lives for a while! I also want to write the final Patreon episode commentaries in the next few days, while I have the time and the clear memories. #2: The next thing we’ll organise will be the post-season Q&A (we’d also like to do some kind of off-camera cast party if we can make schedules work, just to say thank you to our amazing VAs and celebrate with them). Please do ask us questions! #3: We have long-unfinished commitments to the Patreon which I need to complete: the last two episodes of So Long, Good Luck, and rounding off Sid Wright’s story. As ever, huge thank-yous for your patience with these; they’ve just been impossible to polish off while also working on the main show so much. #4: Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time is the possibility of going back to Season 1 and redesigning it from scratch to try and bring it closer in style to S2 and S3. We have the raw audio files - some of the mic quality will just be rough no matter what, but we can certainly try.  This is something I want to be conscientious and careful about; I very much want to respect the sound design work that’s already taken place, and ensure we’re not overriding anything. But I do know that the initial quality still sometimes puts new listeners off; we were learning a lot about direction and mastering from scratch, and our designers were working with limited budget and a total lack of plugins, so there’s simply a lot more we can achieve now. (This would also be a good opportunity for me to finally rework the transcripts, another fallen hurdle). #5: A few months back, we were contacted by a literary agent in NYC who was interested in us adapting the show into a series of novels. There’s a long road ahead to actually get published, but I'm thrilled to say that I have signed with them and I’m really excited to hopefully start work on the first book once I’ve settled into dad-dom. I’ll need to check what’s possible, but if it doesn’t interfere with any contract condition I’d obviously love to share excerpts on here as it’s written. #6: Then there’ll also be another larger audiodrama project - we’ve spoken about the different possibilities before! Excited to get started on our final choice.
Just one last word about endings
God, endings are scary. Because endings are impossible.
How many serialised stories actually end in a way that’s received unequivocally well?  People yelled at The Sopranos for its ambiguity and open-endedness. People criticised Breaking Bad for treating Walt too sympathetically at the end and relying on a generic mob of snarling Nazis to act as his final foe.
Endings are either too pat and neat, or too inconclusive to be satisfying, or too surreal and dreamlike, or they simply make what feels like the wrong choices for the characters we care about. We’re all caught in that barbed wire, creators and audience alike, weighed down by the baggage of what’s come before and we've already spent so much time anticipating the infinite possibilities of how it could all turn out - it’s like we can’t get free of the story that’s trying to end. 
And the beautiful thing about these longform, iterative works is that they insist upon becoming completely ungovernable. No matter how much of a planner the creator claims to be, how much prepwork they carry out - they were never really in control. There’s spontaneity and surprises and dead ends and beautiful distractions that come spilling out along the way (I was baffled and delighted to learn that people really - at the end of the show, with such limited time to spare - wanted to find out what had happened to Eddie*). 
So they can’t end. Not really. There’s too much wonderful mess in them to ever be reasonably disentangled.
And, of course, for every ending people remember with frustration or dissatisfaction, there’s another hundred endings that nobody remembers at all, because we lost our enthusiasm along the way and it feels better to keep going back to the start and avoiding the slow decline. (Who the fuck remembers how the umpteenth X-Files��reboot ended? What increasingly tired post-modern antics was Alan Moore getting up to in the final League of Extraordinary Gentlemen books?). I really just didn’t want the show to end up in that latter category.
All of that probably sounds like I’m warding off criticism about the show's ending, but for me it’s actually been the opposite. 
For an ending which is all about narrative dissatisfaction, and failed potential and missed opportunities, and how we need to come to terms with the lack of existential fairness and certainty and narrative control in our lives and keep ploughing forward all the same for as long as we possibly can, I’m massively stunned at just how positive the reception has been on here and elsewhere, and that’s something I’m actively having to process, because I think I was fearfully anticipating much more pushback.
But, look - the Eskew finale was originally quite poorly-received and then people came back around to it over time. So I’m not going to pat myself on the back too hard, because maybe it’ll ultimately be the opposite with this show, and that’s OK. For 200 years everyone was convinced King Lear was improved by having everyone survive at the end and get married. Endings take time to settle into their final condition.
For now, I am incredibly relieved that the ending we chose seems to have landed for most people, and I’m incredibly grateful for the lovely messages we’ve got about it and for the trust in us that you’ve all shown throughout the story.
So, yeah, let’s end with another thank you, because that’s what I feel so deeply and so forcefully at this point.
Thank you so much again, and speak soon.
Jon
*My take? We’ve established that the guy is in some kind of blue-collar job and has been pushed into constant overtime due to the reduced workforce. We’ve seen that the so-called ‘national holiday’ doesn’t actually rescue workers from their commitments. So I personally imagine that Eddie was working during the parade somewhere on the city outskirts, and is alive and well.
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kyaroscuro ¡ 2 months ago
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All About You
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Maybe it's all about you when your youth is filled with each other's names and your heart has never changed. That's what Juyeon finds out when he falls in love with his best friend.
pairing : bff!juyeon x gn!reader (+bf to ex!sunwoo) genre : fluff, bestfriends to lovers, slow burn, slight angst but happy ending warnings : swearing/cursing, sex jokes, implied sex, mention of burnout, alcohol consumption, heartbreak, pet names (sweetheart, good girl, pretty, baby) notes : it's been a long road but i'm happy to introduce y'all to my baby! i've been (and still am) obsessed with juyeon since the zeneration 2 concert and i guess i've had a lot to write about him... i hope you'll find out the few references i've managed to sneak in! enjoy ✧.* shout out to my dear @winterchimez for proofreading and helping me during the whole writing process, you were a great help <3 words count : 13745
No one ever told you how relationships work. So when you fell in love with your best friend Juyeon at 16, you felt a little helpless. Should he be the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Was it wrong to lean on him when he welcomed you into his arms for a movie night? Eventually those feelings faded as you both started dating, and you wondered if it was even true love. Maybe the 16-year-old teenager you were was just attracted to the idea of being close to another soul, mentally and physically.
Maybe yes.
The only thing you know right now at 24, is that the feelings you had for Juyeon back then were nothing compared to the ones you have for Sunwoo today. The attention and love he gives you makes everyone jealous. Even Juyeon himself.
If he wanted to take you out to dinner, you would turn him down because you already had plans with Sunwoo. Arcade, karaoke, late night walks, picnics, fancy restaurants or fast food, you’re always together. Sometimes when you feel like staying in, Juyeon would show up, hoping to watch a movie like the good old days. But he’s met with Sunwoo at the door and doesn’t have the energy to see you being all lovey-dovey.
He knows better than to be a third wheel. As much as he understands the time you spend with your boyfriend, he can’t help but feel jealous and left out. You’re not trying to make him feel that way, you just needed Sunwoo’s presence.
The two of you met in your 3rd year of thesis. He was actually the student under your supervision for his end-of-studies internship. You obviously spent six months seeing each other and working together – in the lab, the library, cafes and even at home. You both grew closer in no time, and that’s only fair given the fact that Sunwoo is a living comedian. You don’t think you would have made it through the whole editing process without his support.
The funniest thing he had ever done was that he was proofreading your work while you did the same for his. Sure enough, you both graduated with the help from one another and a couple of kisses were shared.
From Juyeon’s point of view, those six months felt like an eternity. He had a girlfriend at the time and couldn’t really go out with you. You were both busy for different reasons, but still tried to see each other once a week. But when you did see each other, you always talked about Sunwoo and he talked about his girlfriend. That’s what your lives were made of, but it was a little heartbreaking that you were best friends who only talked about your partners.
“How’s the job hunt going?” He asked at one of your meetings.
“Great actually, I felt like giving up, but I didn’t endure those three years to throw it all away, did I? Sunwoo helped me a lot, he’s my lifesaver.”
Juyeon felt like throwing up, as if his heart had been stepped on the moment he heard those words, and he didn’t know why.
“What about you?” You asked him, cutting his train of thought.
Oh, he knew you were talking about his own job, which he quit a few months ago (more like he’s on a break because he’s burned out). But it’s not like he has to tell you; he doesn’t have the guts to anyway. He thinks you would be sad and angry with him, when all you really want is for him to be happy. And he’s also upset that he’s had to give up on his dream job because it was affecting his health. Thankfully, his boss has been kind enough to give him a chance to rest up for now. Maybe all he needs to keep going is your reassurance?
“We broke up.” He says quietly, looking down at his hands.
“I’m so sorry Juyo, aren’t you too sad?” You say as you reach out to him.
“To be honest, I am.” He admits, looking up at you, a small smile forms on his lips. “It was a mutual agreement, but I feel like I screwed it up. She said I needed to think about my own needs and wants.”
“And what do you want?”
“To spend time with you.” He says straightforwardly.
Your cheeks flushed at his sudden comment. Has he always been so honest?
“I’m free tomorrow if you’re fine with that? Sunwoo is going out with his band.” You say, eager to spend more time with him. “Oh, and Juyo; you should know that I will always make time for you. You’re a big part of my life and I care about you more than anyone else so please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything. I’m just one call away.”
“I know that but I always seem to bother you.” He says, a little ashamed to think so.
“You don’t. What makes you think that?” You frown at his words, wondering if he actually meant them. “You have no idea how much I look forward to our weekly meetings! It keeps me going during the week, I swear, ask Sunwoo he only hears about you.”
“Oh,” he responded, feeling delighted with your words.
“Yes Juyo, I miss you a lot.” You gasped shyly, suddenly very focused on your hot cup.
“I miss you even more.” He looks for your eyes with a hint of fondness that you don’t notice, even when you raise your head to tell him,
“So tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” he smiles, pleased to see you smile back with the same touch of affection.
When you think about it, you don’t understand how it is possible to break up with Lee Juyeon. You didn’t really know the girl he was dating, you never met her, you only saw her face in a picture once. But you do know your best friend, and he’s not the type to break someone’s heart. He would fight for the person he loves, even if it doesn’t work out. Juyeon is love personified. So how can you reject him?
Woo ☟ (3)
Sweetheart I miss you
When are you coming back home
I have a present for you
What kind of present?
Me ;)
OMW
Juyo <3 (1)
Thanks for today, I can’t wait for tomorrow. Pick you up at 10?
Will be pretty and ready!
Always pretty but ready? I’m looking forward to it
As soon as you read his message, your heart began to thump real loud and your cheeks immediately flushed red. Who are you and what have you done to Juyeon? When did he become so flirty? Or maybe he has always been like this and you never cared before. But why do you even care now? 
When you were 16, you remember vividly how he kissed your hand goodbye because he was a gentleman and you were a darling. Everyone at school made fun of you for being so old-fashioned, but little did they know that you liked it. Eventually, when you turned 17, he dropped the act and started kissing your forehead instead. It was a hundred per cent worse. Your cheeks turned pink every time you thought about it and people were calling you out for being highkey on PDA and asking you to spare the singles.
Maybe then he was always this flirty.
It didn’t matter much to you because it was puppy love. The first man you ever loved. Until Sunwoo came into the picture.
“How was your date sweetheart?” You laugh into the kiss he greets you with.
“Pretty good, I think I’m developing feelings, I don’t know, he’s just so sweet and- Ouch Sunwoo!” You yelped, surprised by his sudden, somewhat erotic gesture.
“What?” He giggles innocently.
“You didn’t have to pin me against the wall, did you?” You ask rhetorically, knowing full well what his answer will be.
“I did,” his sparkling eyes turn to onyx, his tongue runs over his lips and his gaze travels up and down your body as he answers.
“Yeah?” You whisper, aroused by his deep voice.
“Yes.”
His plump lips are all over yours in an instant, taking your breath away. To deepen the kiss and emphasise his need to be closer, he grabs your legs so you can wrap them around his waist and welcome him in. Your arms wrap around his neck as you yield, kissing him back with passion and love. He doesn’t let go until you’re both out of breath, and then he kisses you again and again like a madman. Eventually, you’re so lost in the pleasure of his kisses that when you feel him nipping at your neck, you push him away, panting.
“I understand that Juyeon is your best friend,” he says with a heavy voice. “But you can’t joke about dating another man.”
He doesn’t give you a chance to answer as he runs his tongue over your lips before kissing you lazily. You stick out your tongue, waiting for him to resume his kiss. He chuckles at your behaviour but kisses you nonetheless.
“Good girl hm, are you hungry?” He utters with lustful and honey dripping eyes.
“Let’s take this into the bedroom then.” At his promise to take you to heaven, you nod eagerly, excited to see what he has planned for you.
You don’t quite remember what happened after that, too lost in lust and love. You felt the kisses on your forehead and the caresses in your hair before he left the bed.
Suddenly, nothing. All you felt was emptiness.
You turn to check your phone when you yelp in pain because your back hurts. Your man was a beast last night.
Wait.
9:30am?
You hurriedly get out of bed, taking in your dishevelled appearance and the hickeys Sunwoo had the courtesy to leave on your body. You’re ashamed to go out like this, because you know that you have little to no time to cover them up.
More importantly, Juyeon will notice them. It’s not that you cared about exposing your sex life, you have a lot of fun with Sunwoo and he’s the greatest in and out of bed. But for Juyeon to see you in such a vulnerable way? It does something to you and you can’t figure out why.
You never talked about your sex life with Juyeon although you are best friends; you two are kind of secretive. Sure, there were times when you complained that your exes were terrible kissers or that dates were horrible. But when it comes to any form of intimacy, it was out of the books. You both never joked about kinks, never asked about turn-ons. Yet, you shared your very first kiss with Juyeon when you were 16.
It was a bit messy and hilarious because you had no idea what you were doing. You remember how when he dropped you off after school or after a playdate, he had this cute habit of kissing your hand goodbye. It was also at that age when you started going to parties – a party between friends, no alcohol, maybe just some cheap beer that tasted like grass. But that was fun and it was also the time when you were introduced to love, through couples and kisses.
Love has always been a foreign language to you. You know for a fact that love is what your parents share with each other, through physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts but also through struggles.
But you also know that the person you’re closest to doing those things is Juyeon. You both were always cuddling, fighting over movies or places to eat. You both would also cheer, support and reassure each other.
You both would always have each other on your minds, sending texts, calling or buying sweet things. It’s only fair that you thought you were in love with him, isn’t it?
And that faithful night, at your birthday party, he thought it would be a great idea to carry you and run around in circles until he lost his balance and fell with you laying on top of him. You didn’t know what was going through his mind, but you saw flames in his starry eyes, and then he pecked at your lips. He brushed it off by pulling you up and wishing you a happy birthday but your heart was racing and so was his.
“Sorry Ju, I woke up late, I didn’t want to keep you waiting,” you pout as you reached his car, pressing a kiss on his cheek.
“Thank god your prettiness makes up for lost time,” he jokingly hugs you, his hands laying a little low on your waist. “But you have to take responsibility for making me wait.”
“Juyeon! It’s been 5 minutes you can’t blame me for the delay!” You wriggle into his embrace and put your head in the crook of his neck, a little embarrassed but wanting to be close to him.
“I can, and that’s exactly what I’m doing,” he whistles, taking you out of his arms to observe the love bites on your fair skin. “Maybe you’d be on time if you hadn’t had so much fun last night.”
“Y-Yeah, I walked into a trap,” you stammered, speechless.
“The kind of trap you can’t refuse, I bet.”
And he opens the passenger door before giving you his hand to help you get in. You look at his hand and then straight into his eyes to understand where that confidence comes from, but he just smiles and nods.
“Come on, we have much to do before the carriage turns into a pumpkin.” He smiles and fights with the wind to tuck a wild strand of hair behind your ear.
Spending time with Juyeon is one of the things you adore the most in the world. You were so used to spending your days with him when you were teenagers that you almost forgot what it was like. The princess treatment, the cafe dates, the shopping and giving opinions on outfits, the restaurants. Now that you’re all grown up, reliving those moments feels a little bit odd but great. After all, you’re the same people who dance to the music in every corner shop and laugh at every silly move you make.
Going out with Juyeon is also all about treats and gifts. You have this implicit rule that when you’re out and about, you’re encouraged to pay in turns – be it at the restaurants, bars or for desserts. And of course, he pleases you more often than you please him, but you tend to buy more things related to him – matching items or clothes that reflect his style.
“Look at this cute bracelet! We should get it to celebrate our 10 years offriendship,” you beamed, slipping the bracelet around his wrist without a word of protest to see how it looks.
“But it’s paired with a promise ring?” He comments, in case you haven’t noticed and had a change of heart.
“Then we can get the ring in another 10 years,” you giggle and squeeze his hand to reassure him that this is what you want.
Happy with your little joke, you went to the cashier to buy the bracelets. But it sparked something within Juyeon’s heart. He may be slow to understand, but you don’t have to tell him twice. You consider him to be your significant other. That’s what a promise ring means.
After all, you wanted to commit yourself to him for the rest of your life. You’re his best friend and that should be normal. It is normal to stick by each other’s side. But why is his heart missing a beat?
If you ask Juyeon about his relationship with you, he would describe it as “enchanting”. You’re the most important thing to him. Ever since he bumped into you in 3rd grade, you two have been inseparable. But there’s something that’s always bothered him.
In the beginning, he thought it was because you were the only one that he was really close to. He didn’t look at you any differently. But every time you smiled, he felt a twist in his stomach. Then he made it his goal to make you blush and to kiss your hand. It was thrilling to see you all flustered by his own actions.
He grew up and unfortunately that feeling never went away. In the end, he thought that maybe it was just the hormones. A 16-year-old boy needs to get to know his body and its needs. That’s what he did. Eventually the feelings vanished, but the uncomfortable feeling stayed. Even when he was with his ex.
He’s well aware that you are in a relationship with Sunwoo and that the two of you are in love. He’s never been happier for you. After all the people who have taken advantage of you, you deserve someone positive. Someone who will be there for you and will make you feel loved and truly fall in love. Like Sunwoo.
And yet, he doesn’t know why he’s so attracted to you. He needs to explore his feelings. At least to understand them. Even if it costs him.
“How about a drink?” He asks as the sun is about to go down.
“No, you need to drive safely.” You flinched, clearly against the idea of losing him in such a stupid way.
“What about my place? You know I have this amazing balcony overlooking the sea.” He offers in return with a smirk.
“Deal,” you say with gleaming eyes.
You love Juyeon’s apartment; it has a soft and romantic atmosphere and it’s even more beautiful when the sun goes down. The many plants he has turn a warm orange with the colours of the sky and you swear, it’s so beautiful, like a haven of peace.
“Red or white?” He asks, holding the two bottles out for you.
“Anything’s fine, choose for me please Juyo,” you sing-song, happy to share this moment with him.
While you are setting up his balcony table with candles and wine glasses, he returns with a red bottle and appetisers. He gestures for you to sit on the bean bag and pour the wine like a real chef. You whistle, impressed by his newfound skill. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be Juyeon if he didn’t do a little dance to make you laugh before handing you your glass.
Now that he’s seated, you allow yourself to take in your surroundings. It’s quiet, but you can hear the faint music coming from the living room speakers. Juyeon has never liked the silence, so he always needs to have some kind of background music to feel comfortable. He says it calms him down, especially when he’s nervous, and you have to agree with that.
But does that mean that he was nervous right now?
He never needed music with you, as he always said your voice was his own melody – the harmony he couldn’t get enough of. 
“Thank you,” he whispers, pulling you out of your reverie.
You nod, knowing exactly what he means, and reach out to take his hand. He intertwines your fingers and, in the pink-orange hues of the sky you catch yourself blushing. You risk a glance to see him starring absent-mindedly into space and you seize the opportunity to stare him down.
His bangs, usually on his forehead are pushed back, giving him a more mature and sexy look. His eyes, in a beautiful crescent shape, shine with the intensity of the stars. His pretty nose sits up on his face, like a trophy ready to be claimed. And his lips. They’re curled into a gentle smile.
Without a care in the world, he runs his tongue over them and opens them as if he wanted to speak. But no sound comes out, except for the tongue he’s now biting. Suddenly, as if he was aware that you are looking at him, he turns to meet your gaze. Truth be told, you weren’t very discreet. His dark eyes hold yours, then move to your lips, and you see the faint beginnings of a smirk on his lips before he bursts into laughter. 
“Like what you see?” He points out, all smug.
That fucker.
You slapped him playfully before you realised you were biting your lips. Yet, he still looks at you as if you were the one who hung the stars in the sky and shone in their place.
All of a sudden, his eyes turn mischievous and you find yourself in his arms as he leads you into the living room. He turns up the music, grabs the camera, puts on a pair of framed glasses and starts dancing. You joined him, because there is no world in which you wouldn’t follow Juyeon. You dance like you’re in a club, grab the wine bottle and shout the lyrics at the top of your lungs. Juyeon films you through the mirror and you play along, you’re the model, he’s the artist. Until he puts the camera in a corner to film the both of you and starts to dance an old choreo that you both did. You smile broadly and the night goes by like this. In between drinking and dancing.
At some point, you find yourselves taking a stroll, jumping and dancing around poles. Oh, but you’re not drunk! Juyeon took out his camera and kept filming you, laughing. The man was hyping you up, the street was your runway! And even though it was a little embarrassing, you had a lot of fun. Trust Juyeon to make you feel the best!
Around midnight, you were eating ice cream in the nearest park when your phone screen lit up with a call.
Woo ☟.
Oh, no. You forgot to inform him you were going out with yesterday’s activities.
“Babyyyyy,” he whines, sounding tired, “where you aaaat.”
“At Juyeon’s, we-“ You’re cut off as Juyeon steals your phone, brushing against your hands a little too long.
“Sorry,” he hiccups, “is it all right if we keep each other company for the night? I can’t drive right now.” Juyeon tries to apologise but is cut short by Sunwoo.
“Had a fun night I see?”
You can feel his anger rising from the way his voice drops an octave. Sunwoo has always been jealous of Juyeon. When you got together, he was very insecure at first, knowing that you had a male best friend and seeing you spend so much time with him. It took some time, but the trust you’ve built up has overcome that awful feeling.
You still have to reassure him sometimes, and that’s okay because Juyeon is your best friend and Sunwoo is your boyfriend. You love them both in different ways. You talked about it with Juyeon and later he got jealous because you spent all your time with Sunwoo on your trip to comfort him. It wasn’t easy, but they learnt to trust you. Along the way, you may have convinced yourself that everything would be fine.
“Sunny, baby, I’m sorry I didn’t inform you. I will sleep at Juyeon’s and be back first thing in the morning before you wake up,” you say in a soft voice, trying to soothe him.
“I’m sorry too,” he voices out, letting out a breath lost in his own emotions, “I panicked when I didn’t see you at home. But I’m glad you’re all right.”
“I know,” you sighed, glancing at Juyeon, “I’m in good hands, I promise.”
“Hurry back, I miss my goodnight kiss already.” He replies, seemingly content with the current arrangement.
“Will be there in no time,” you giggled.
“I love you,” he answers, a smile blooming in his voice.
“I love you too.”
He hangs up just as he called, smiley, which makes you beam in return. However, when you turn to face Juyeon he’s anything but smiling. In his frowning eyes you decipher a sombre mood. Something in complete contrast to the joy you shared tonight. You reach out to grab his hand, but he pulls it back before you can do so.
“We should head back, it’s getting late.” He says firmly.
Your heart breaks at his words. Without giving him a chance, you cupped his face, forcing him to look at you. The hurt look in his eyes makes your heart swell. You scan him to see if he wants to answer, but he avoids you. You’re so close and yet so far away. You feel like throwing up, because your best friend never acted like this around you. He never once avoided you nor stopped talking to you. Thus, you did the only thing you can think of.
You hugged him, as tightly as you can.
You feel his heart pounding and wonder if it’s from the unknown emotions he’s carrying or from your physical touch. You put your hand on his broad chest to feel his heartbeat and plant a kiss on it to reassure him. It stirs something in Juyeon and he hugs you back so tightly you think you’ll lose your breath. He holds you in his arms for what seems like an eternity, your head nestled in the crook of his neck. But you don’t complain, you felt safe.
You stay there, in the warm embrace that contrasts with the cool of the night, squeezing him a little tighter when you hear passers-by whistling lovingly at you. When he lets go, you can see the faint pink colour that tints his cheeks, brought out by the street lights. But little did you know that you have the same colours on your face, if not stronger?
“You okay?” You ask as you rub small circles on his back.
“Yes I am,” he lies openly in a husky voice, “I’m okay.”
Juyeon is fucked. Completely screwed. He’s absolutely, unquestionably and sincerely in love with you.
He has been for quite some time, now that he thinks about it. But he never admitted it. That damned twist in his gut that never left his mind, he knows where it comes from now.
In order to cope with his newfound feelings he lets you use the bathroom first while he changes the sheets and tidies up the living room. He’s floating, not sure if he will ever get a wink of sleep. Especially if you both sleep in the same bed. Because to you, he’s just your best friend, the one you’ve slept with countless times. No strings attached.
He can’t imagine you in his arms, nor can he look forward to waking up by your side. You’re not his.
“Juyo?” Your tired voice echoes from the corridor. “C-Can I get some clothes?”
Oh. That doesn’t mean anything. You have always shared clothes. Then why was he so excited to see you in them? Right, because he’s madly in love with you and knows you will look ravishing in his big shirt. Also because sharing clothes is such an intimate thing couples do. If he lends you his current pyjamas because they have his scent on them, you couldn’t blame him. He’s just a man.
“Are you coming?” You inquire, walking towards him.
It’s worse than anything he’d ever imagined. The shirt is definitely too big for you going down one shoulder, showing the beginning of your chest and reaching halfway up your thighs. What’s more, your pretty thighs are covered by the shorts that rises up when you sit next to him. He looks away, embarrassed to be staring at you.
“I will sleep on the couch, don’t worry about me.”
“No way,” you retorted with little energy left, “your bed is big enough for both of us.”
He’s been acting strange today. First he was feeling all overconfident, then flirtatious, followed by anger, and now shyness and embarrassment. You take a piece of the blanket lying on his lap and you stretch your legs out on the sofa, letting your head fall on his shoulder. Sleep can wait, Juyeon can’t.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Don’t lie to me.” You ask, breathing softly into his ear.
“No,” he shudders, with a faraway look in his eyes, “I’m not okay and I don’t know how to get through this.”
“What’s wrong Juyo? Do you want to talk about it?” You pause to gauge his reaction. “Is it about your ex?”
“More or less,” he breathes out. “The breakup wasn’t that bad, like I said, it was a mutual decision. It’s just- when you started dating Sunwoo I was so happy for you, happy that you found someone who was worthy of your love and loved you the right way. And I thought I would be happy if I found that special someone, I longed for it. But I ended up in different relationships throughout the year, never lasting more than two months. And that’s ok, maybe they weren’t the right person for me, maybe it wasn’t the right time, maybe this, maybe that. I really thought I was going to be happy and I ended up getting my heart broken every time. As much as I believe now that I don’t deserve to be loved. I think I went into my last relationship in that state of mind, and I think she felt it too. Hard not to, is it? We had long talks and great times together; I think I really liked her. And I know she liked me back, I’m just not ready to be in an exclusive relationship right now.”
And everything he said is true, he’s more than happy for you and he thought he would be happy. But he can’t be happy in a relationship that isn’t with you.
“There’s also something I’ve never told you,” he continues, sniggering at the absurdity of his reasoning. “Something I should have told you a long time ago, it doesn’t make me proud, and it sort of reflects why my love life was so messed up. I can’t say it’s the only reason, but it played a big part in my mental health.”
You want to cry so badly, he has endured it all alone and it must have weighed heavily on him. At this point, you’re just waiting to speak and respond but every word that comes out of his beautiful mouth leaves you speechless. You’re such a bad friend that you’ve never noticed the way his eyes get dark and gloomy, or how he cancels your plans at the last minute because he’s got something else planned. When in fact it was sadness overload. Sure everyone has their own coping mechanisms, you wish you could have been there for him, but here you were Juyeon letting you in and you’re here to stay.
“It’s been two months since I was diagnosed with burnout and stopped working. It started off as something mild when I came home more exhausted than usual. I thought I wasn’t getting enough sleep but then I started to feel mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. It was hard to concentrate on my daily tasks and you know how much I love my job? I felt like I was going to die because I couldn’t even have fun doing what I love. Going out with you, my friends or my ex felt great, but I wasn’t as invested as I used to be.” He pauses to catch his breath and swallow back the tears.
“Don’t get me wrong, today was absolutely perfect and I was hyped, I still am. Today felt like going back to when we were sixteen and I loved it. I’m actually starting to feel better. The break up helped a lot because it was taking a toll on my mental health. I know I said I liked her and I did, but I couldn’t help but feel unwanted. Even when she was riding me,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.
“And it hurts that I didn’t have the guts to talk to you about it because I was afraid of how you would react. Like, hello, I’m taking a break from work because I feel like shit? And I would really like to get your approval so that I can move on. Because you mean everything to me,” he ends shyly.
“Juyeon,” you say in a soft and caring voice, “you mean the world to me too.”
You continued. “You mean the whole world to me and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I could come up with something, but it wouldn’t make up for what you’ve been through. You are strong, stronger than anyone. It’s so hard to keep your head above water that I’m proud of you for speaking up and even stopping work. Because focusing on your health is the most important thing. Situation and money may go but I will always stay. I’m so proud of you, proud of who you are and who you’re becoming. You’ll never stop growing and I’ll be there every step of the way, watching you blossom and be happy.”
“And I know you feel like you’ll never be happy,” you resumed, holding his hand. “The only thing I can say is, as hard as it seems, everything you live makes you stronger. Even more beautiful. There’s someone in this world waiting patiently for you, to love you properly, to make you feel loved and wanted. You’re an exceptional person, Juyeon. By that I mean you go above and beyond the call of duty, you give your total support and care, you show up when something’s wrong and I bet you’re an even more protective lover. We did everything together, cried, laughed, smiled, loved. My youth was filled with you and I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t happy because you were and are always by my side.”
“Today was the best time I’ve had in weeks, and that’s because I am with you. We danced, a lot. And you know how dancing has always been our escape,” you paused as you saw the first hint of a smile creep across his face as you continued. “I saw your smile, it was genuine and you were so beautiful. It may have been hard, you’ve been hard on yourself, but today the man I saw was happy. I’m happy because you’re happy, and I’m sad when you’re sad. We are one Juyeon, and I want you to know that I’m here for you, always.”
Long before you have finished speaking, he has taken you in his arms. His embrace is not heavy, but you can feel the weight on his shoulders lighten. You have so many feelings for him, they all blend together and you don’t seem to feel the butterflies in your stomach or the fire he has lit in your heart.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he confesses.
“And what would I be without you?”
Your head rests on his chest and he’s suddenly afraid you can hear his heart beating. You’re so beautiful, your tired eyes fighting sleep and your lashes fluttering. His shirt slipped off your shoulder as he held you in his arms and the permanent smile on your face makes him completely weak. He could kiss you right now. If only you were single.
“Let’s go to sleep, hm?” He caresses your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Together?” You cracked yet another smile.
“Together,” he grins from ear to ear.
Your arms find their way around his neck and you bend your head to make an implicit request. His hands go around your waist and below your knees before he stands up and carries you bridal style. You both laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but also blushed at the romantic gesture. He sets you down on (what his brain calls) your side of the bed and plants a kiss on your forehead.
He then goes through his nightly routine before coming back to you, wrapped in the covers, fast asleep. His heart is about to explode. Now that he is aware of his feelings, he is overwhelmed by the love he has been repressing. He slides in next to you and holds back from embracing you. And if you happen to get close and make your way into his arms, he’ll be delighted to hold you tight.
“Sleep well Starlight, I love you,” he mumbles, kissing your hair.
“I love you more Juyo.”
Waking up the next morning wasn’t as awkward as Juyeon might have thought after the pseudo-confession you heard. He woke up first when he felt you shift in his arms. Because yes, you ended up in his arms, face against his torso. He tried not to make a big deal out of it, calming his breathing and enjoying the warmth of your body. Absentmindedly, his hand caresses your tangled hair, smoothing it and slowly waking you from your slumber.
“Good morning Starlight,” he says, honey dripping from his hoarse voice. “Slept well?”
“Like a baby, you?” You yawned, looking up from his chest.
“Even better than a baby.” He doesn’t want to let you go, once you’re out of his bedroom he’ll have to go back to his little miserable life without your starlight to light it up.
“Shall we take you home? Your boyfriend might get impatient,” he laughs, remembering the events of the previous night.
“Well, he’ll have to wait until I’m full from breakfast! I know someone who makes pancakes to die for,” you winked as you get out of his clothes and disappear into the bathroom.
You know you said you’d be back before he wakes up, and you want to. You miss him. But being in Juyeon’s arms, feeling the regular beat of his heart, makes you feel at home. You don’t want to end what you both have now.
You eat breakfast in relatively silence, except when Juyeon tries to flip the pancakes in the frying pan only to have one stick to the wall. And you watch him adoringly from where you sit, trying to make up for his silliness.
In the end, you leave his apartment in no time at all, dreading your return to your own home. Even though you know that Sunwoo is patiently waiting for you. The last two days you spent with Juyeon were out of time, it was an enchanted interlude and the return to real life suddenly seems very difficult.
He drops you off in front of the building, not without kissing you on the cheek and saying goodbye for the last time. You try not to think of it as a date night as you head for the front door but he’s quick to say “We’re not done yet, you’ll see me more often now” he chimed as he watches you smile and gets in.
The smile doesn’t leave your face until you turn the key in the lock and come face to face with Sunwoo, smiling from head to toe. He takes you in his arms and spins you around before planting kisses all over your face.
“Sunny,” you giggled, “please.”
“But I missed you,” you press a kiss to his lips as he answers, and you feel him smile through it.
“I’m sorry I overreacted, you know I get scared easily, but I shouldn’t take it out on you when you haven’t done anything,” he apologised, bowing his head.
“No, it’s my fault too,” you shake your head. “We had a crazy night and when I woke up you were gone. I was also late and didn’t want to keep him waiting.”
“You know that I’m jealous of Juyeon, right? He might be your best friend, but he might see you as more than that. You can’t say you didn’t want him to wait, because what, you’re willing to make me wait like yesterday but not him? It’s unfair, because you always end up prioritising him.” He bellows, frustrated.
“Sunwoo please,” you begged. “Sunwoo, listen to me, please.” He takes a step back, feeling his anger rising.
“To say what? That you needed to be with him? That he needs you? Bullshit, look me in the eye and tell me he doesn’t have feelings for you!” He shouts in a pissed off rage.
He goes back into the living room and you follow him to see him pacing back and forth. You can tell he’s furious. He always gets angry when you mention Juyeon and it pisses you off. You can’t even spend a day with your best friend because he gets jealous? You’ve been together long enough to think he’s finally understood that he’s the one you love. But as displeased as you are, you’ll never stop telling him and reminding him that you love him. Because couples fight, because he’s insecure and because you care.
“You might as well develop feelings for him!” He spits vociferously.
“He broke up with his girlfriend and lost his job,” you drop, tired of this pointless battle. “So yes, he needed me. And yes, I needed to be with him. I feel like an absolutely shitty friend because I’ve been sitting in his company for weeks and I didn’t even notice that his heart was being broken to pieces. You can shout at me as much as you want Sunwoo, but you’re the one I love. Juyeon may need me again in the future and I’ll be there for him, but at the end of the day I love you and only you.”
“You’re lying. T-There’s no way he…“ He tries to take your hand but you step back, annoyed.
“Have I ever lie to you, Sunwoo?”
The sheepish and upset look on his face is enough to tell you that he’s blaming himself. So you lead him over to the sofa and tell him everything, from the break-up to his exhaustion, which means burnout, but leave out the private details. It’s a lot to take in, and you wonder if he’ll ever believe you. Why would you lie about something so important?
You love Sunwoo, you really do. But you can’t help but be a little irritated by his behaviour. You feel terrible for even thinking and feeling this way, but Juyeon is your best friend! What was wrong with that? What doesn’t he understand about the word “best friend”? You sighed as you take him in your arms and stroke his back, both to calm him down and to ease your own mind. You hold each other for a while, for as long as your hearts desire, but your minds wander to Juyeon. You miss him and you wonder what he’s up to, when you’ll see each other again. Another sigh escapes your lips and Sunwoo looks at you questioningly.
“Movie?” You ask, trying to divert your attention from Juyeon.
“It’s 11,” he chuckles, finally at peace.
“Yeah, so? We can order pizzas and spend the day at home?” You kiss his hand with doe eyes.
“Sounds like a fabulous idea,” he quickly grabs his phone to place an order, “same as usual?”
“I’m feeling adventurous today, so pick whatever you like!”
You hear your own phone buzzing as he focuses on the app again. And obviously it’s the boy of all the arguments, the one who’s been on your mind since you got home and who seems to be distracting you a lot.
Juyo <3 (1)
I miss ya, whatcha doing?
Thinking about u
That ain’t possible
Whyyyy
Because I’m thinking about you
“Who are you talking to with that smiley face?” Sunwoo asks, tilting his head.
“Changmin, he’s talking about the person he met and he seems so in love.”
It's a half-hearted lie, because Changmin told you about the person he recently met, but also because if you say Juyeon's name right now, civil war will break out.
Juyo <3
Oh yeah, prove it?
Seconds later, your phone rings with an incoming call from Juyeon.
Juyo <3
JUYEON YOU CAN’T DO THIS
YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME
Aw pretty’s scared by a sudden phone call?
Actually…
You take a second to answer, pondering if it’s a good idea to tell him about your couple’s conflict. Especially when he’s the one causing it.
Juyo <3 (1)
Am I disturbing you?
You always turn my world upside down
Same goes for you Starlight ;)
So?
I had a fight with Sunwoo
Nothing bad, we already made up
But it’s becoming a recurring thing, and I hate it
Have you talked about it?
That it’s getting hard for you?
Yes and no
We always talk about it, set limits and make up but weeks later it’s as if the conversation never happened
As much as I love him I’m tired Ju
No, you don’t have the right to say you’re tired, because that would mean you’re ready to give up on your relationship for a few fights?
I’m afraid that’s not a valid reason
And I know you’re not the type to give up on someone you love
So take matters into your own hands, spend the day with him and make out ffs
Yeah, haha, you’re right
We’ll eat pizzas and watch a film, that’ll definitely help
And I’ll see if he’s nice enough to make out with him
I can be good for you instead ;)
Yah! You’re losing points Lee Juyeon!
I’m only aiming for the 10s sorry!
Right in the bull’s eye
Which is my heart yes
GTG JUYO
TTYL I LOVE YOU
<3
And I love you more <3
You saw his message through the notification, which you cowardly rejected, but that didn’t stop you from smiling. The conversation had to end quickly, as you were venturing into uncharted territory that doesn't leave you impassive. Besides, Sunwoo was getting suspicious of your big smile.
And he’s right, because what the hell was that? You’re such a coward whose heart beats a hundred miles an hour. He’s definitely winning points, but you’ll never admit it, and to what end? Your heart doesn’t know yet.
On the contrary, Juyeon’s heart beats wildly at your bravery. He doesn’t want to flirt despite his growing feelings, but you leave the door open too wide for him not to come in.
You’re still his best friend, so if you ever need advice or a listening ear, he’ll be there. Like that horrible joke about making out, he hated it. But he knew that it would make you laugh and feel better, because he knows you better than anyone else.
So why can’t he read your feelings? You're not usually so cryptic for no reason, he's sure of that. Yet the changes in your heart can be seen gradually: your sweet words, as well as the ambiguous ones, all carry a special and deep meaning. You’re a book Juyeon is dying to read, but you’re not descriptive enough for him to decipher just yet.
Sunwoo used to read you easily, but he’s not sure of anything anymore. He knows that you love him, that your love language consists of words of affirmation and that you never stop reminding him of it. And yet his insecurities always get the best of him and you end up fighting. The truth is, he’s afraid. You’ve always spent a lot of time with Juyeon and that’s fair, you’ve known each other for almost ten years. But shouldn’t you make up for that time with your one-year boyfriend?
He knows he can’t restrict you or your outings, that would be a dick move and he’s not a dick. You have lots of boy friends and he’s okay with that, but Juyeon? Juyeon annoys him. He seems too perfect to be true:  his looks, his gentle and romantic nature. He’s in a one-sided competition because Juyeon couldn’t care less. Or so he thought until now.
Halfway through the film, you're cuddled up in his arms, laughing, when his phone vibrates. Why on earth is Juyeon texting him?
Juyeon (1)
I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. This is not a valid reason, but I wanted to keep my best friend to myself for a while. I’m sorry if that hurt you.
Apology accepted. We’re adults and you’re defo not the one to blame but I appreciate it.
Thanks man
It cost Juyeon a lot to send that message. But in his place, he would have been furious if the situation had happened to him. So he toned it down, to ease the tension and make you feel better. But he’d do it again any time; anything to spend time with you.
And that’s exactly what happened in the weeks that followed.
You spent the whole week with Sunwoo after your meeting with Juyeon, going with him to his band rehearsals, shopping for clothes, accessories or window shopping, going on dates to the cinema, the park and restaurants. You did everything with him.
But that didn’t stop you from texting Juyeon every day. Sometimes he was the one who initiated the conversation, and other times you had to spam him to ask his opinion on the latest clothes you bought or because you missed him. Your weekly outings have also become two or three times a week, and you often meet up on his balcony for a night of dancing and drinks.
Everything is done with respect for your relationship, but you feel his hands on you longer than necessary, always within limits and sometimes in places that make you blush. For an example, he would place them on your hips, and you would be a fool to say that his little touches did not make your heart flutter. When he opens the door for you, when he orders for you without asking and never makes a mistake, or even when he gives you presents that you’ve looked at with envy. He’s so observant and attentive that causes butterflies in your stomach. The more time you spend with him, the more you can’t deny the attraction you feel.
He makes you feel like you are 16 again.
He kisses your forehead, cheek or hand when he drops you off. He holds your hand so you don’t get lost in the crowd. Even if it’s just an excuse, you let him because deep down you want him to.
And you hated yourself for it. You feel so guilty about Sunwoo. Yes, Juyeon may be a little more enterprising than usual, but he hasn’t changed his ways. You’re the one who reacts to harmless words and lazy touches. But your heart hasn’t changed. You love Sunwoo. Those feelings for Juyeon aren’t real. It is an attraction that arises because you spend all your time together, because he’s handsome and cares for you.
You’re not… in love with him.
Isn’t that right?
“Sweetheart, I bought fried chicken on the way home!” Sunwoo says one day after his rehearsal.
“Oh Sunny, you don’t know how much I’ve been craving it,” you clap, looking forward to devouring it. “Thank you.”
“Can I get a hug for being the most awesome boyfriend ever?” He asks sweetly.
“Oh you do,” you giggle, jumping into his arms.
“I love you,” he kisses your nose.
“Me too,” you reply, tiptoeing to kiss his forehead.
“Sunnyyyy,” you call out his name on a Friday afternoon. “Can I go out for the night with Kev, Minnie, Chani and Ju?”
“Sure! Don’t come back too late hm? And be careful.”
“Yes! I’ve got the four horsemen of the apocalypse to look after me and myself!” You laughed.
“Have fun Sweetheart, I love you,” he whispers, kissing your forehead.
“Me toooo Sunny,” you smiled.
And yet, as he does his best to be there for you, to shower you with love and care, you notice that your interactions are gradually diminishing. He’s not the problem but you are. Just like yesterday, you’ve been exchanging messages and at the end of all your conversations you have this cute habit of saying I love you. Except this time, you haven’t replied. You liked his message and replied with a heart.
But that’s not the only case, because you catch yourself not saying “I love you” back when you talk to him. Yet you’re still physically and intimately close. It’s as if you’re giving yourself to him in order to compensate for the emotional changes that you’re going through. And then what? You won’t even be able to kiss him? Hold his hand? Be intimate? You felt terrible, and this has been going on for months.
Perhaps the best (or worst) thing to do is to talk to him about it.
“Sunny? Can we talk?” You say out of the blue one morning.
“Yes baby, tell me?” He replies as he comes out of the bathroom, shirtless.
“Get dressed first,” you giggle.
“Why, don’t you like what you see?” He pouts, crossing his arms to emphasise his torso and you look away, ashamed to be turned on when you’re about to break his heart.
“Oh I do, but you’re distracting me from the point!”
“Sorry, sorry,” he laughs as he pulls on a t-shirt, “is it better now?”
“Yes, thank you,” you sigh.
“Are you okay?” He asks suddenly, sensing your discomfort. “You know you can tell me anything, I’m here for you.”
“Sunwoo, I-“ you take his hand in yours for support. “You need to know that I love you, it has never changed and it will never change, the feelings I have for you are very much real and I cherish them as much as I cherish you.”
“You’re not breaking up, are you? Because I won’t let you.” His eyes are shining now and you want to go back in time. You want to erase everything that has happened in the last two and a half months, the growing romantic feelings and the hurt.
“Sunwoo, I’m not breaking up with you, you’re the person I care about the most in the world, I would never let you down. And I hate myself for what I’m about to say.” You take a deep breath and as you do you know he’s figured it out and tears start to roll down his sweet face.
“I- fell in love with Juyeon,” you drop your head in shame.
You don't have the courage to look up and see the disappointment on his face, but you force yourself to. And when you finally did, his reaction catches you by surprise. It was obviously pain and sorrow, but also resilience?
“May I ask, how?” His voice is low, almost a murmur, but his eyes search yours for the truth.
“I- don’t know, it just happened.”
“Come on, you don’t just fall in love with another man by accident,” he laughs sarcastically.
“And yet I did!” You raise your voice in annoyance. “I didn’t choose it Sunwoo. And I would go back in time if I could!”
He takes a minute to consider your words, to decide whether or not you’re telling the truth. You didn’t expect this conversation to be easy, but he doesn’t make it any easier for you. You expected him to be in denial, to yell at you and cry. Instead he went straight towards the acceptance stage and he had this heartless look on his face. You knew you deserved it because he’s right; you don’t fall in love with another man by chance.
“Does he know? That you-“ he struggles to find the words, but you let him, because it has been hard for you too. You’re in love with your best friend, and you’ve probably been in love with him since you were 16. “That you love him?”
“No, oh god no!” You panic, finally thinking of the consequences, “I wanted to tell you first because I love you and I owe you the truth.”
“But you intend to tell him?” He worries and suddenly you feel like you’re talking to your best friend, the same conversation you had before you started dating Sunwoo.
“No Sunwoo, it was never a question of telling him or not. Yes, I love Juyeon romantically, but you’re my boyfriend. And I’m not trying to fool myself by saying that I still love you, I love you. And I love Juyeon too, but I’m not going to do anything with it.”
“You’re silly,” he chuckles affectionately. “Within the two months since our fight, I’ve watched you for a long time baby. I observed your body movements, your facial expressions and your words, hoping that it was all temporary and that we’d come out of it stronger together. But all I saw was love, but towards someone else. You came home giddy, eyes full of stars. Sometimes even in a frenzy of exaltation from which I found it hard to pull you out, because knowing that you were happy made me happy. So I won’t say that I knew it, but I sensed it. And I know that you love me, I have never doubted it and I don’t doubt it now. But you love him silly. Perhaps even more than you love me. I’m not mad at you, I saw you falling for him, I just ignored the signs. And I know you didn’t choose it, nor did you want to break my heart. Your love for him is stronger and I can hear it. Thank you for telling me, it must have cost you a lot.”
You start to cry, because what else can you do but cry? You love him and it hurts you to hear him say that you love someone stronger. But he’s right. No matter how much you try to deny it, you love Juyeon unconditionally.
“Why,” you cry out.
“Why what baby,” he takes you in his arms, guiding your head in the crook of his neck and your tears start to soak his t-shirt.
“I’m pretty sure I broke your heart and stomped on it, so why aren’t you mad at me? Why are you taking it so well? I don’t understand. I feel like shit and you’re too perfect?”
“You have no idea of the pain, anger and emptiness I feel right now, I’m far from perfect,” his voice falters as he tries to hold back his tears, “but I can’t take it out on you, even though you deserve it, because you didn’t want it? Also because I didn’t speak when I realised you were drifting away. I know you blame yourself, and yes, I am heartbroken, I can’t wait to cry but I don’t want to make you sadder than you already are.”
“I don’t deserve you Sunny, I’m sorry, I love you to the moon and back,” you smile shyly.
“And I love you just as much, thank you for the love that doesn’t make me feel lonely,” he smiles back as he rubs your back in slow motions. “Can I kiss you? One last time?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
When his lips touch yours, it has never felt better. The kiss is a little salty because you have both been crying, but also sweet. It is your last kiss and you devour each other’s lips as if it were the first, not wanting to part. You quickly run out of air, but he presses his lips to yours to convey his feelings one last time and you smile, knowingly, as you kiss him back.
“You should go to him,” he says, lips swollen and eyes puffy.
“Yes, to be with my best friend. And you should call Eric for the same reason,” you sobbed, and he giggles.
“Coward,” he laughs, “but I will.”
“And Sunwoo,” you start again. “I would never do anything without your approval.”
“Thank you,” he replies, touched and aware of the feelings you will always have for him. “For everything, but especially for being with me.”
“I should be the one thanking you, my lifesaver,” you kissed his cheek as you take his hand in yours. “Let’s remain good friends, in the future.”
“Absolutely, if I ever get over you,” he laughs in a reassuring way.
You know that the joke is just his way of breaking the tension, so you laugh it off, saying that he should, and you imitated a knife at your throat as a warning, which makes him laugh heartily. Then, your heart sinks at the sound of you no longer being the recipient. Yes you fell in love with someone else, and it will be just as hard to get over him. But you have Juyeon, and he’s your rock.
Juyo <3
Juyo can I come over?
Sure, is something wrong?
These three words are enough to turn your heart upside down. He’s always been thoughtful, and now that you’ve accepted your feelings, you feel butterflies swirling in your tummy.
Juyo <3
Sunwoo and I broke up
I’ll pick you up in 5
Yes pls, drive safely
He pulls up in the parking lot exactly 5 minutes after his message, just like he said. You rush down the stairs, too eager to melt into his arms to wait for the lift. He doesn’t have time to get out of the car before you throw yourself on him, crying. Tears of separation and heartbreak, and tears of joy when you see him again because you know you love him.
“I’m here,” he whispers in a panicked voice, probably not expecting you so soon and in such a state. “I’m right here, let it out.”
And you do, the feelings you’ve been burying for 2 months are just waiting to be expressed. You cry until your body aches from lack of air and your eyes are dry. Finally, you shiver and regret having gone out so quickly without covering up. But Juyeon is just as quick to pull the jacket he was wearing over your shoulders and you hum happily as his scent washes over you.
“Let’s go home?” He caresses your hair tenderly.
You’re amazed that he doesn’t ask any questions, he just stands by you and supports you through this difficult ordeal that he knows only too well. And the truth is, he’s even sad for you. No matter how much he loves you, you’re the definition of love to him. For you to break up with Sunwoo, for whatever reason, doesn’t make any sense. It’s not his place to ask if you don’t tell him first, so he just holds your hand on the way back, and when he has to let go to change gear, he makes sure he puts it back on your thigh.
This makes you blush like a tomato, how dare he put his big hand on your thigh, almost completely covering it whole. You’re pretty sure your feelings are written all over your face, but he mistakes your blushing for embarrassment, when in fact it’s just romantic stimulation. You look up to see if his hand placement has any effect on him, only to find that he is blushing as well. Being as dense as he is, you mistook his shyness for embarrassment.
You two definitely make quite the pair.
“Make yourself at home Starlight,” he says as he opens the front door, never stopping to hold your hand.
You step inside as he tells you to and try to take off your shoes, planning to curl up on the sofa under the blanket while you wait for him and his hugs. But he had other ideas as he grabs your wrist to pull you closer, pinning you between him and the newly closed front door. Your surprise translates into a gasp that becomes a choke as he drops to one knee. Your heart pounds in your chest at the way he looks at you, worshipping you. Without warning, he bends down to untie your shoelaces, still smiling and even a little mischievous.
“What?” He smiles proudly. “Can’t I look after my Starlight?”
You open your mouth to speak but no sound comes out, too surprised by his playful tone.
“Cat got your tongue?” He sticks out his tongue as he stands up.
“Yes, you got it!” You slap him gently as a reward for nervousness.
“Not in my mouth though…” He whispers so quietly you almost don’t hear it, and that earns him another slap, only he steps back to avoid your blow and you stumble and fall on top of him.
“I guess it will be easier to carry you now,” he chuckles, kissing your forehead.
He puts his arms under your knees and around your waist and you squeal as he lifts you up, bridal style. This man will be the death of you. Oh, how you would kiss him if you weren’t so heartbroken and hadn’t just broken up. And he would kiss you just as much. You’re both madly in love and it shows.
He wraps you in a blanket as he lays you down on the sofa before kissing your forehead for the umpteenth time. Then he goes into the kitchen and fetches your favourite foods, drinks and desserts, which he sets out on the coffee table. You were surprised by the homemade dishes, as if he’d made them with a special purpose in mind. But he doesn’t say a word or make a comment, he just slips under your blanket when he’s done and hugs you, breathing in your scent.
You stay in each other’s arms for a while, not saying a word, just enjoying your hearts beating in unison. It feels heavenly, relaxing and you can almost feel yourself coming back to life. If Sunwoo was your lifesaver, Juyeon is your guardian angel. He is always looking out for you and giving you his utmost special care, just like right now, for no particular reason (even if there is one now).
He doesn’t pry, he just waits for you to speak while he grabs the remote to put on the latest show you’ve started together and feeds you. You’re quite grateful for the little comments he makes during the show, distracting you from the truth: the burning love you have for him that consumes you. In the end, you tell him that you still love Sunwoo, but that your recent incessant arguments have taken their toll on you.
That, against all odds, you’ve spilt up properly. And that it will be a while before you move on, but that the door is not closed. You made sure to emphasise this part, because what if there’s a small chance that Sunwoo was right and Juyeon is a fool in love with you? You’re not ready yet, but when the time comes, you want to confess your love to him and live out the childhood romance you’ve always dreamed of, until death do you part.
The next few of weeks passed in a blur, and you have basically settled into Juyeon’s apartment – going back and forth to your house to pick up your things and put them in his closets. Your shoes sits nicely in the new shoe rack he bought for you to go out together, and your toothbrush sits proudly next to Juyeon’s. You even have matching ones. Oh, and Juyeon can finally happily say that you’ve got your side of the bed, with your cute belongings on the bedside table and a picture of the two of you at 16 in a frame.
In fact, you slowly become a domestic couple-like going grocery shopping together and going on so-called dates. Life with Juyeon is easy. Whether you go out at dawn or dusk, he’s always with you, matching your pace and holding your hand from the streetlights to the dancing starlight. When you saw your hands touching and your steps overlapping, it reminds you of your first encounter and the fluttering of your heart. How you shyly looked at him, only to see him already looking at you lovingly, red on his cheeks. That cold winter you spent together was actually the warmest moment of Juyeon’s life, and that day might have been the day you hid a present for each other in your sleeve.
Even more slowly, your relationship with Juyeon develops as the months go by. It was hard not for it to blossom, considering the fact that you live together and that you absolutely do everything together, but it’s happening. Juyeon has started to walk around bare chest when he gets out of the shower and sometimes! He even goes to bed naked, with just his pyjama pants hanging low on his hips.
Of course, you get to snuggle up against his warm chest and cuddle to sleep. When it comes to sleeping, you don’t even try to fall asleep on your own side of the bed anymore because you always wake up in each other’s arms. You have definitely grown closer and closer in just a few months.
Your touches with one another have become more sensual and romantic and your words more flirtatious. You wear his clothes more often than usual, sometimes getting out of bed in just his t-shirt and underwear, awakening certain feelings within him. From time to time, he dares to put his hands under your (his) t-shirt and kiss your forehead tenderly, for lack of being able to kiss your lips sensually and make you his, right when you wake up.
“All pretty for me hm?” He said the first time you went to sleep in this garment. “You know I’m just a man.”
And if you sat on his hips to cuddle him afterwards, maybe the message got through. Maybe a little too much, given that a few minutes later he pretended to be in a hurry and the water ran for a long time. He’s just a man.
Yes, your man.
Another time, when you were out shopping at the mall, people addressed you as a couple and you didn’t mind, oh no. Perhaps it was the smiley eye contact you made, or the way he held you in his arms and you leaned into him, almost as if you were going to kiss, that gave it away. At least, that’s what gave Sunwoo, who was watching you nearby, the courage to send you a message.
Woo ☟ (1)
Hi, hello! I saw you at the mall with Juyeon, can we talk? I’m with Changmin, we can ditch them together?
Hi Sunny!!! Sure we can, the cafe nearby?
Juyeon was a little reluctant to leave you alone with Sunwoo due to the countless nights you spent crying and the difficulty you had opening up (not to mention your blossoming love for Juyeon) but he quickly gave up because he knew you wanted it and he was happy to spend time with Changmin. Juyeon is the love of your life and you can’t pretend that he isn’t anymore.
“Hi Sweetheart, I saw you left your shopping bags with your man,” he laughs and you kick him under the table so as not to draw attention to yourself.
“Stop that Kim Sunwoo!” You whine.
“Stop what? Calling you sweetheart or calling him your man?”
“Both!” You laugh embarrassed and shy.
“How are you?” He changes the subject after one last laugh and you’re happy to see that he hasn’t changed, he’s still as playful and lively as ever.
“I’m fine, nothing has really changed since our last messages. I told you I got my dream job, so Juyeon and I are treating ourselves with my first salary. Oh, and Juyeon has also found a new job he’s really enjoying. Hence, the reason why we’re out shopping.” You went on to rave about your everyday life, happy to share this new chapter with him, whom you still love very much, just not romantically anymore.
“You must love him a lot,” he says softly, almost as if he were muttering to himself. “It’s cute, you’re cute, I’m happy for you.” And you don’t answer, curious to hear what he’s going to say next.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the past six months,” he begins. “Thank you for always reaching out to me and not ghosting me despite the break-up, it meant a lot to me. Being away from you has been hard. I will not lie. But it also taught me that I was too dependent on you and it felt great to spend time by myself and with our friends. I got news from them and saw that you were doing well, as anyone going through a break-up would be. And it made me realise that, if you were fine, I should be fine, even if it was just a facade, that somehow the sadness would pass.”
You nod to let him know you’re listening and that you’re on the same wavelength as him.
“And it did,” he whispers almost happily, as if the weight he was carrying close to his heart has been lifted. “I thought I would love you for the rest of my life, but then I met someone.” You gasp at his words and tear up a little.
“It came as a blessing, without me even looking for it, and I can say that I’m happy now. So when I saw you so happy on Juyeon’s arm, looking at him lovingly like he hung the stars in the sky I thought: “Ah, you’re really on cloud nine with him”. I shouldn’t hold you back from your happiness. You have my blessing, not that you need it but date him, kiss him, make love and live happily ever after.” To emphasise his words, he squeezes your hand which he has started to hold somewhere in his monologue, and kisses it.
You swear you didn’t want to cry, and Juyeon will probably be worried to see your swollen eyes, but how can you remain impassive in the face of so much love? It’s true, you held back and would have kissed Juyeon if it wasn’t for Sunwoo. But now you’ll both be happy.
You chatted for quite a while, enjoying your reunion as friends, learning more about the person he had met and ranting about your life with Juyeon, when he appeared before you with Changmin, impatient to get you back. You missed him. How did you manage to live without Juyeon so far? Ecstatic, you jump into his arms and bid your goodbyes promising to meet again soon. As you walk away, Juyeon’s phone beeps and he just shrugs at the message in his inbox with a smile. Then he ruffles your hair, earning a pout from you that he kisses away at the corner of your lips. You wonder what the message was, but the kiss is definitely more important.
Sunwoo (1)
I’ve seen the way you look at each other, it’s full of love. Give it a shot!
Yes, there will be many more kisses now.
And here you are today, on Juyeon’s couch, enjoying your home date for the tenth anniversary of your friendship, with Sunwoo’s blessing in the back of your mind. You spent the day cooking together, sweet and savoury, having fun with the shapes of the cakes and pizzas (hearts and dicks like the children you are), playing games, dancing and listening to music in a good-natured atmosphere.
Today’s a day to celebrate your friendship. Yes friendship, when all you want to do is kiss him senseless. Maybe confessing today is not such a bad idea. Especially when you see him coming out of the shower in all his glory, beads of water running down his naked torso, hair tousled and wet, tongue running over his lips sensuously as he looks you straight in the eye, ready to pounce on you. Oh, and, his cinnamoroll pyjama pants, low on his hips and revealing the Apollo belt of his abs, make you smile as much as it turns you on.
Juyeon takes his place between your legs, smiling, his hot muscular back resting on your chest as he lays his head back on your shoulder, dampening your matching melody pyjamas. He chuckles as he turns his head to see you gawping. His big veiny hand that had been squeezing your thigh flies to your cheek, turning your flushed face towards him so he can kiss the pout at the corner of your lips. His beautiful lips linger a little longer on your neck, but you welcome his touch with open arms and lean into his embrace.
His eyes are full of stars when he rises from your embrace to grab the remote and turn on your series. But he remains seated between your legs, unconsciously resting a hand on your knee to preserve the intimacy you’re so immersed in. You help him on with his t-shirt, not without kissing his shoulder first, making him shiver. And your hands take the opportunity to wander down his torso to his waist, making him smirk as well. You become more and more adventurous, he loves it and can’t wait to run his lips all over your body, discovering all of it.
You place a kiss on the crown on his hair and when you notice that it’s already dry, an idea crosses your mind. Juyeon’s focus is back on the show, so much so that he can barely feel your hands playing with his hair. You give him a rather pleasant massage, moving down to the small of his chest, across his neck and up into his hair, twisting it between your fingers.
“How does it feel?” You murmured in a hushed tone.
“Heavenly,” he moans.
The tension is palpable as you continue your services, your hearts beating wildly, almost as one. He takes one of your hands in his to kiss it, the attention making you blush, before replacing it in his hair and nodding for you to continue. So you undertake one of the most romantic acts of love in your eyes, braiding his hair. Strand by strand, your fingers caress the edges of his face. The braids come undone as quickly as they are made, but he smiles broadly as he touches them, feeling butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating erratically.
“I could see our everyday life like this,” you whisper in his ear. “Together.”
Juyeon, who had been purring at your display of affection, becomes still when he hears your words. He slowly turns to face you with the most charming smile and tenderly takes your hand to place it on his chest, where his heart burns with love. The fire in his eyes burns inexorably, lighting up his already sunny face, unable to leave him. You’re captivated by this intensity and he doesn’t look away, also in love with your sparkling eyes, even when he reaches out to grab a little box that has always been right in front of your eyes. Yes, his love has always been on display. You were just too slow to catch on.
But you get it now. You’re two fools in love.
“You know how our youth is filled with each other’s names?” He says, voice a little hoarse and heart beating fast under your palm. “Well, my heart has never changed, I’ve always wanted to be with you. You are my breath of fresh air, the warmth that keeps me going through the winter, and the words I’m about to tell you will never melt away. My everything is all about you, it has always been about you.” He pauses to take a deep breath and kisses the palm of your hand, which he then links with his own, intertwining your fingers.
“I love you,” he sighs with love and happiness. “I love you so much that I was reading my destiny inside your eyes without even knowing it.” The flame of love he has carried all these years dances in his eyes, making him irresistible and captivating. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you wait for his question, palpitations he feels through your bound hands.
“Would you be mine?” His gaze, dropping to your lips then back to your eyes, is determined as he opens the velvet box to reveal two rings. Not just any rings, the matching promise rings to the bracelets you bought months ago. The ones on your wrists that you’ve never taken off.
As if on cue, as a sign of future commitment, he kisses your left ring finger and places the ring on your right with such tenderness that you almost cry. No, you’re pretty sure tears are rolling down your face because he puts his thumb under your eyes to gently wipe away the tears and kisses the salty drops that have run down your cheeks, close to your lips. With that, you mirror his actions by kissing the ring, his left ring finger and placing it on his right finger with a dazzling smile, as an unspeakable promise – that you’ll spend the rest of your lives together.
“I have always been yours. I love you Juyeon, so much that I’m going crazy.”
Even now, after confessing his feelings and hearing yours, he remains respectful and lets you make the first move with a victorious smile. You grin, feeling the cool material of the ring on your cheek as he cups your face in his hand, reminding you that this is all real and that he loves you.
And he does.
So you finally lean in, closing the gap between you to rest your lips on his. It was meant to be a soft and quick peck, but he captures your body and deepens the kiss, years of longing and wanting not to be wasted, leaving you breathless. His lips search yours every time you pull away, not wanting to let go, intoxicated by your lips and this new closeness. If you spend the rest of the evening making out and exploring each other, no one will say a word. Not even your neighbours.
Ah, you’ve never been in love and wanted to be with anyone as much as you do with him, and this since you were 16.
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jetii ¡ 1 month ago
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Too Sweet
Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
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Pairing: Fox x fem!Reader / Fox x Doctor!Reader
Words: 6,140/26,525
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! fluff, strangers to lovers, grumpy/sunshine, description of blood/wound care, Fox is a little anxious/paranoid, and he needs a hug, you can pry goofy Thorn out of my cold dead hands, smut in part 3? 4?
Summary: Fox has no time for romance. He doesn't even have time for sleep, let alone dates. But when a horrible day at work leads him to you, he suddenly finds himself in danger of reevaluating his priorities.
A/N: Trying something a little different with more, shorter parts for these longer fics. Also forgot to say thanks for 650 followers! hello!
Previous Work | Next Work | Masterlist
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“For the last time, I don’t need a medic.”
Fox is trying to be polite about it, but the tone of his voice is bordering on a growl. Every push on his shoulder is a jab to his pride, making him hiss like an angry tooka-cat. He knows he's being ridiculous, but that's never stopped him before.
His patience is already thin, but it had been stretched to the breaking point by a series of unfortunate events over the course of the day. The first, and arguably the most annoying, had occurred at the beginning of his shift.
Fox had woken up late, and his alarm clock had gone off with a loud, obnoxious tone that had caused him to shoot straight up in his bed, slamming a fist onto the off button. He scrambled out of bed and dressed faster than he thought possible, then hurried into the mess hall for the early shift breakfast. He was late enough that the food line was empty, and his choice was between a bowl of sludgy porridge or an unidentifiable ration bar.
The ration bar had tasted like stale durasteel, and the porridge was more of a thick slop, so Fox had opted for the latter. He scarfed it down with a mug of caf after an overdrawn fight with the machine, which tried to refuse him more than one portion of caf. He had left the mess hall with his stomach growling and his mouth bitter with the aftertaste of the caf, and his mood had soured even further when he found the lift under maintenance, forcing him to take the stairs.
When he arrived at the office, there was an enormous stack of datapads on his desk. A new security system had just been installed throughout the city, and the details were apparently too sensitive to be kept on the holonet. The only copies of the schematics were the ones on the physical datapads, and Fox had the wonderful task of checking every single one.
By the time lunch came around, Fox had managed to read through half the stack despite the constant interruptions. Someone would come in and ask about some obscure policy, or a trooper would report that someone had thrown a bottle at him, and the Chancellor would call for updates, and all the while, Fox had to be careful not to crush the datapads with his gauntlets.
The Chancellor was especially persistent today, calling him in person to demand a detailed analysis of the new security measures. Fox was forced to leave the datapads behind in order to give him an impromptu briefing, which ended with the Chancellor dismissing him with a wave of his hand and a curt, "I'm sure you have more important things to attend to."
Fox was seething when he returned to his office, and in a last minute attempt to escape his prison and an effort to calm himself, he decided to walk the patrol route himself instead of sending a trooper.
Of course, this had to be the day that every citizen on Coruscant decided to commit a crime, from a jaywalking elderly woman to a pair of pickpockets that had made off with a trooper's blaster. There was an argument outside a bar, an illegal speeder chase, and a man had decided to start a fire in the middle of the street, and all this had happened in the span of less than two hours.
Thorn had thought it was funny, but Fox hadn't found it nearly as entertaining. And now, he's been injured during the scuffle with the firestarter, and Thorn is making a big fuss about it.
Fox's shoulder throbs with pain as he moves, and he tries to ignore the way the skin is tightening around the wound. It's only a scratch, but it's deep, and Fox can feel blood oozing out of the cut and dripping down his armor. His head is pounding, and his chest aches from having been slammed against the duracrete by the man's boot.
A hand presses down on his shoulder, and Fox flinches away with another hiss. He turns on Thorn with a scowl
"I'm fine," he growls, shrugging Thorn's hand off his shoulder. "Leave it alone."
"Fox," Thorn says. He's trying to sound reasonable, but Fox can hear the exasperation in his voice. "It's a karking gash on your arm. I can't leave it alone."
Fox rolls his eyes. "I'm not letting you drag me back to the medbay for something as minor as this," he says. He turns and starts walking, heading towards the Senate building. "We've got more important things to do."
"I'm not dragging you to the medbay," Thorn says, running to catch up. He grabs Fox's arm and yanks him to a stop. "You're going to GMF. It's on the way to the Senate anyway."
"What? No!" Fox sputters, but Thorn is already pulling him down the street. He digs his heels into the ground, but Thorn is stronger than he is, and the other commander pulls him forward without breaking his stride.
"You're coming with me whether you like it or not," Thorn says, his voice firm. He doesn't loosen his grip, and Fox can only follow along helplessly. "The office will survive without you for a couple of hours."
"Thorn, you're not—"
"Yes, I am."
Fox scowls. Thorn isn't budging, and neither is he, and they've reached a stalemate. He's considering the merits of just sitting down and refusing to move, but before he can even make a decision, they're already at GMF.
"Let's go," Thorn says, pulling him up the steps. "Just stop trying to act tough and get over yourself."
Fox wants to protest, but Thorn has an iron grip on his arm, and he doesn't want to risk a public spectacle, so he allows himself to be pulled inside.
"Fine," he huffs. He can already feel a headache coming on, and his stomach is still grumbling in protest at its meager breakfast. Maybe he'll be able to sneak away before anyone notices, and no one will ever know that the Commander of the Guard was seen at GMF for such a minor injury.
"That's the spirit," Thorn says, grinning. He pulls on Fox's arm again, and this time, Fox lets himself be dragged away.
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They've been sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes, and Fox is already starting to regret his decision. It's a busy day at GMF, and a steady stream of injured people are filing into the building, filling the waiting room with a cacophony of moans and groans.
Fox's shoulder is starting to throb again, and the wound is leaking blood into the fabric of his blacks. Thorn is tapping his fingers on the armrest of his chair, his expression thoughtful.
"I wonder how many people are in here because of you," he says, looking around the room. There's a group of young men sitting on the opposite side of the room, nursing a variety of wounds. "They must be getting sick of seeing the Guard around here."
Fox glares at him, and Thorn chuckles.
"You'd think they'd learn their lesson and stop committing crimes," Fox mutters.
"We'd all like that," he laughs. "But we both know that won't happen."
Fox sighs, leaning back against the wall. He shifts slightly, trying to find a comfortable position. He's still annoyed about his arm, and now the smell of bacta is starting to get to him. It had always had a pungent, chemical smell to him, and the scent of the various medical supplies is making him queasy. 
He can feel his stomach starting to churn, and he closes his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing. The bright fluorescent lights are only making things worse, and the sound of the door sliding open and closed as various people walked in and out of the medical wing is grating on his nerves.
It doesn't help that Thorn is sitting right next to him, staring him down like he's a suspect in an interrogation. He'd caught on to Fox's plan to slip away almost as soon as they'd stepped into the room, and Fox had been forced to endure his company as they waited for their turn.
"How long is this going to take?"
"They said they were pretty busy today," Thorn says. "I'm not sure, but you're probably going to be waiting for a while."
"Great."
"Don't be such a baby. It'll be over before you know it."
Fox groans and leans back in his chair. He can't help but think of all the work that he should be doing right now. The stack of datapads has probably gotten taller since they left the office, and he'll have even more work to do once he returns.
He hates the feeling of wasting time, especially when there's so much to be done, and at this rate, he'll be lucky if he manages to finish the rest of his work by nightfall. And that was if the Chancellor didn't call him again.
"You should go back," Fox says, looking up at Thorn. "I can handle this."
Thorn raises an eyebrow, giving him an incredulous look.
"And let you weasel your way out of getting that arm checked out?" he scoffs. "I don't think so."
Fox shoots him a glare, but Thorn only grins.
"Nice try, but no," he says. "I'm not letting you out of my sight."
"Thorn—"
"I'm not going anywhere."
Fox sighs and slumps in his seat. He can see that Thorn isn't going to budge, and he doesn't have the energy to argue with him. His shoulder is really starting to hurt now, and the bleeding hasn't slowed down yet. He's getting dizzy, and the queasiness is growing stronger
He closes his eyes, resting his head against the wall. He feels terrible, and the longer he sits here, the worse he feels. The smell of the bacta is making his stomach turn, and the noise and chaos in the room is starting to get to him.
The medical center always brings back memories of the Kaminoans, and he was usually only ever here when one of his brothers was seriously injured. He doesn't have fond feelings towards the place.
"This is a waste of time," Fox mutters. "I could be working, or doing literally anything else right now."
"You know it's not a waste of time," Thorn says. He's looking around the room, keeping a close eye on the other people. "You're injured, and you need to get that taken care of. Stop being such a stubborn di'kut."
Fox is about to say something in response, his eyes land on a medical droid heading their way. He lets out a sigh of relief and gets to his feet. Finally, his suffering is about to end.
"Commander Fox?" the medical droid asks, stopping in front of him with a metallic whir.
"Yes, that's me."
"Please follow me. We're ready for you now."
"Finally," Fox mutters, ignoring Thorn's chuckle. 
He follows the droid down a long, white corridor, his footsteps echoing against the tile floor. He keeps his eyes forward, refusing to look back at Thorn. He doesn't want to see the smug look on his brother's face.
After a few minutes, the droid leads them into an examination room and motions for him to sit down on the cot. Fox complies, perching on the edge of the thin mattress and crossing his arms, trying not to fidget, and Thorn takes a seat in the chair in the corner of the room.
The droid is quick and efficient, running the scanner over his shoulder and chest and checking the readouts. It tells him that he'll need some stitches and bacta treatment, and Fox sigh, nodding his agreement.
"Thank you, Commander," the droid says. It stands still for a moment, processing its data, and then turns and exits the room.
"You're not getting out of this one," Thorn says as soon as the doors shut behind the droid.
"I know," Fox grumbles, slumping in his seat. He rests his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together. "I just want to get this over with."
Thorn shakes his head, a smile playing across his lips. He doesn't say anything, but Fox knows he's just happy to have won. They're both competitive, and any victory, no matter how small, is something to celebrate.
"Stop that," Fox snaps. He doesn't want to deal with Thorn's smugness. He's already irritated, and the last thing he needs is for his brother to rub his victory in his face.
"Stop what?" Thorn asks, feigning innocence.
“That thing that you’re doing with your face.”
“It’s called smiling, Fox, you should try it sometime. I think you could use the practice,” Thorn teases, and Fox rolls his eyes.
Before he can come up with a retort, the door opens, and Fox reflexively straightens, preparing himself for the worst. The medical droids aren't exactly known for their gentle touches and bedside manner.
To his surprise, the person who enters the room isn't a medical droid. 
Fox feels his eyes widen as he takes in the decidedly human figure standing in the doorway, a datapad in hand. Wearing a crisp, clean set of medical whites, you stand tall, and his first thought is that you're beautiful.
His second thought is that you look far too cheerful for someone working in a medical facility. Your eyes are bright, and you're smiling, and the expression is so warm and genuine that it makes him wonder how you're managing to maintain it in a place like this.
It's a nice smile.
It isn't until Thorn clears his throat that Fox realizes he's been staring at you for the last few seconds, and he hastily looks away just as you glance up from the datapad.
"Hello," you say, your voice soft. "Commander Fox, is it?"
"Y-yes," he manages to reply, feeling his cheeks flush.
"And I'm Commander Thorn," Thorn chimes in, and he shoots him a smug look when Fox turns to glare at him.
"Well, hello," you say. Your voice is warm and melodic, and your eyes are sparkling. "It's a pleasure to meet you both."
"The pleasure's all mine," Thorn replies, flashing you a grin.
"Yeah," Fox mumbles. "Pleasure."
He's never felt so awkward in his life, and he's suddenly acutely aware of the blood on his armor, the way his hair is sticking up in all directions, and the fact that he hasn't slept in a couple days. You, on the other hand, look fresh and put together, and you're practically glowing.
You introduce yourself, and you give them a brief summary of your qualifications and experience. Fox doesn't pay much attention to what you're saying. He's too busy trying not to stare at you, and it isn't until he hears the word 'bacta' that he snaps back to reality.
"Wait, what?" he asks.
"Bacta," you repeat, tilting your head slightly. "It's a healing substance that stimulates the body's natural ability to regenerate tissue."
"I know what bacta is," he says, his tone coming out harsher than he intended.
You blink at him, clearly startled by his response, and Fox feels his face heating up.
"Right," you say, clearing your throat. You offer him a small, polite smile, and he looks away, embarrassed. "As I was saying, we'll need to administer a small dose of bacta to the area where the injury occurred. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes."
"Fine." Fox crosses his arms and tries not to scowl, and you turn away, tapping on your datapad again. Thorn kicks him in the shin, and Fox gives him a look. The other commander gestures with his eyes to you, and Fox frowns, shaking his head.
"Do you have any allergies or medical conditions?" you ask, looking up from the screen.
"No," Fox says, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. The mattress is far too thin, and the metal frame is digging into the back of his knees. "I already told the droid."
"Right," you say. "Just making sure."
Fox glances over at Thorn, who gives him an exasperated look, and Fox sighs. He knows that he's being difficult, but he can't seem to stop himself. His shoulder hurts, his head is throbbing, and his stomach is rumbling, and he just wants to get this over with so he can return to the office and finally finish the rest of his work.
He looks back at you and sees that you're staring at him. You're looking at him with concern, and your lips are pressed into a thin line. You're not smiling anymore, and Fox feels a twinge of guilt.
"You don't have to be nervous," you say. "This is going to be a quick procedure, and it won't hurt at all. We'll use a local anesthetic and numbing spray, and you won't feel a thing."
"I'm not nervous," Fox protests, his face flushing. "I just don't have time for this."
"I understand," you say, and your expression softens. "But this is important, and we need to make sure that you're taken care of."
Fox wants to argue, but there's a hint of steel in your tone, and the look in your eyes is firm. You're clearly not going to let him get out of this, and he sighs, resigning himself to his fate.
"Alright," he says, reluctantly.
"Great," you say, giving him a small, reassuring smile.
He feels a little better when you smile at him, and he tries not to smile back. You turn away, busying yourself with setting up the equipment, and Fox takes the opportunity to look at you again. You're standing with your back to him, and he can see the outline of your figure through your medical whites. You're not very tall, but you're not short either, and he wonders how old you are. You can't be older than twenty-five, he guesses, but it's hard to tell with natborns.
"How did you get that injury, anyway?" you ask, glancing over your shoulder.
"Work-related incident," Fox says. He doesn't want to tell you the truth. He doesn't want you to think he's a clumsy idiot, or that he can't do his job properly.
"Oh," you say, sounding a little surprised. You turn back to the equipment, and he can see the muscles in your back tense. "That sounds... dangerous."
"It's nothing," Fox says, his voice low. "I can handle it."
"Of course," you say softly. You turn around and walk over to the cot, your gaze focused on the equipment. "Okay, armor off, Commander. Let's see it."
Fox stiffens, his heart skipping a beat. "I—what?"
"The injury," you say, your brow furrowing slightly. You reach over and brush your fingers against his arm. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Fox says, a little too quickly. 
Thorn lets out a snort, and Fox glares at him. He just raises an eyebrow, a knowing smirk on his face, and Fox rolls his eyes.
"Sorry, it's been a long day," he says as he turns back to you. "Just a bit tired, is all."
"That's understandable," you say, your lips curving into a small, sympathetic smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I've been on my feet since 0600."
"I think you win," Fox says, his voice dry.
You let out a small, breathy laugh, and his heart skips a beat again. It's a nice sound, and he feels a strange surge of pride at having caused it.
He was truly terrible at making small talk, and most people found his dry sense of humor off-putting. The fact that you had laughed at his words, even if it had been a polite, professional laugh, was surprising. It was hard not to see it as a small victory in an otherwise terrible day.
You smile at him again, and he feels a sudden urge to smile back. You look like you're about to say something, but then your datapad beeps, and the moment is lost.
"I'll be right back," you say. "Just got to check something."
You step out of the room, and Fox lets out a breath, relieved that you're gone. He hadn't expected you to be so friendly, or to be so concerned about him. Most natborns just saw the troopers as an extension of their equipment, and they only spoke to him if there was a problem. You're different, though, and it's unnerving.
"You're blushing."
"What?" Fox sputters, turning to Thorn. "What are you talking about?"
"Your face is red," Thorn says with a wide grin.
"It's the lights," he says, pointing to the ceiling. "They're too bright."
"I didn't know we could blush," Thorn teases. "That's kinda cute."
"Shut up."
"Oh, come on. You can't tell me you're not at least a little bit interested."
Fox sighs and shakes his head. "Not now, Thorn. We're in a medical center, not a bar."
"Good thing, too." Thorn stands up and starts to help him unlatch his armor, a smirk on his face. "Cause if we were, you wouldn't have a chance. She's way out of your league."
"You're the worst," Fox says, and he swats Thorn's hands away and reaches up to unfasten his shoulder plates himself.
"She's pretty," Thorn continues, ignoring him. He pulls off Fox's pauldrons and sets them on the ground. "And she's not scared of you, either. That's a first."
"Yeah, well, she works in a medical facility," Fox mutters, slipping out of his cuirass. "They must have taught her how to deal with difficult patients."
"Maybe," Thorn says. He removes the rest of Fox's armor, placing it carefully on the ground, and then steps back. "But I don't think that's it. She's nice."
"She's paid to be nice."
"That's not fair, and you know it."
"I don't need you playing matchmaker," Fox grumbles.
"Fine," Thorn says, crossing his arms. "But if you don't ask for her frequency, I will."
Fox's eyes widen. "Don't you dare—"
The doors slide open again, and you step inside, your expression bright. "Sorry about that."
Your gaze is focused on the gloves you're pulling over your hands as you walk in, but as soon as you look up, your smile vanishes, and you freeze. Your eyes are fixed on his arm, and Fox quickly glances down, noticing the large dark patch of blood seeping through his undershirt.
"Oh, Commander!" you exclaim, hurrying towards him.
"It's not that bad," he says. He hadn't realized how bad it was until now, and his heart is pounding in his chest. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not." Your tone is stern, and he finds himself shrinking back a little under your intense gaze. "Now sit still."
Fox does as he's told, watching as you pull a stool over and set up a tray. Your movements are swift and practiced, and you don't seem at all bothered by the amount of blood. You're frowning, but your eyes are calm, and Fox finds himself relaxing a little.
"Let's get this over with," you mutter.
You're not smiling anymore, and it unsettles him. He'd thought that he had imagined the steel in your voice earlier, but now he can hear it clearly, and it sends a shiver down his spine.
"Yes, sir," he says, trying to lighten the mood.
"It's doctor, actually."
Fox winces.
"My mistake," he mutters, his voice apologetic. "Force of habit."
You look at him, and he thinks he sees the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of your lips, but before he can be sure, your face is composed and neutral again.
"Would you prefer I cut the sleeve off, or would you rather take it off yourself?"
"I'll do it."
You nod, and he lifts his arms, peeling the soaked fabric away from his skin. His stomach clenches at the sight of the deep, bloody gash, and the stench of copper is heavy in the air. He can feel the blood beginning to trickle down his arm, and the sight of his pale, slick flesh is almost enough to make him vomit.
"Are you okay?" you ask, placing a hand on his uninjured shoulder.
"Yeah," Fox manages. He's feeling a little woozy, but he tries to push it down. "I'll be fine."
You give him a sympathetic look, and he looks away, his gaze fixed on the wall.
"Okay," you say. You grab a vial and a syringe and inject it into his arm. "This should help numb the pain. Try not to move."
Fox nods, and you lean closer, gently cleaning the wound. The smell of the disinfectant is strong, and he forces himself to focus on your face instead. Your expression is calm, and you're humming softly as you work, and he finds himself relaxing a little more.
"How did this happen, anyway?"
"Like I said, it's work-related."
"So it was a knife, then?"
Fox glances at the gash, and he nods. He can't tell if the cut is deep enough to require stitches or not, and he's a little worried that the knife might have hit an artery.
"You're going to have a nice scar."
"Good. It'll match the others," he mutters, his tone flat.
You pause for a moment, looking at him. Your expression is unreadable, but there's a sadness in your eyes that he doesn't understand. You resume cleaning the wound, and he tries not to think about it.
"Do you always go out in the field?" you ask.
"Sometimes."
"And do you usually get injured like this?"
"It's not uncommon."
"Hmm." You're quiet for a few moments, and then you glance up at him, your eyes filled with concern. "You're very brave."
Fox is stunned. No one has ever said anything like that to him before, and it catches him off guard. He doesn't know how to respond, and he just sits there, staring at you. You don't seem to mind, and you return your attention to his wound.
"This is a lot deeper than I thought," you murmur. "It'll need a few stitches."
"Okay," he says, his voice soft.
"Try to relax," you say, gently touching his arm.
He nods, and you begin to sew up the wound. He tries not to think about the fact that the needle is digging into his flesh, and instead focuses on the feeling of your gloved hands on his skin. They're gentle and warm, and the scent of the disinfectant is beginning to fade, replaced by the faintest trace of flowers.
He can't remember the last time someone touched him so tenderly. His brothers are rarely so careful, and most people who touch him are doing so with the intention of causing him harm. It's a pleasant change, and he finds himself enjoying it more than he expected.
"Sorry," you say, glancing up at him. "Almost done."
"Take your time," Fox replies. "I'm in no rush."
That's patently untrue, but the lie slips from his lips easily, and he's rewarded by a smile. He can see Thorn giving him a pointed look, and he knows that his brother will never let him live it down. But right now, he doesn't care.
The smell of flowers grows stronger, and he realizes that it's coming from you. The scent is subtle, but pleasant, and he's surprised by how much he likes it. He wonders what the source is. Is it your hair? Your skin? Or maybe it's something you wear, like perfume. He can't quite tell, and the mystery is starting to bother him.
You finish suturing his wound, and you dab some bacta gel over the stitches, sealing them. The sensation is cool and soothing, and Fox lets out a soft sigh of relief.
"How does that feel?" you ask.
"Better."
"Good," you say, your expression softening. You reach out and squeeze his uninjured shoulder, and Fox's eyes widen slightly at the unexpected gesture. "You should be all set, Commander."
"Thanks," he says, and the word sounds awkward in his ears. He's never thanked anyone for treating his wounds before. Usually, it was a medic droid, or another trooper, and his thanks were never required. But somehow, the words seem necessary now.
"Of course," you say, a hint of surprise in your voice. You remove your gloves, tossing them in the bin, and turn to clean up your equipment. "Do you have any other injuries, Commander? Any other...work-related incidents?"
"No, nothing else."
"Good." You stand up and stretch, and Fox takes the opportunity to admire the shape of your body. He can't help himself, and he quickly looks away, a flush rising on his cheeks.
"Thank you," Thorn chimes in, and Fox nearly jumps out of his skin. He had almost forgotten that the other commander was there, and his brother is looking at him with a knowing smile.
"You're welcome," you say, smiling at Thorn. You turn to Fox and offer him a smile, too, and he tries to smile back. It probably looks more like a grimace, and he quickly drops it.
"Now, remember, if that gets infected, or the stitches come loose before they dissolve, I want you to come right back, okay? No excuses."
"Got it," Fox replies.
"I mean it, Commander," you say, and you give him a stern look. "Don't make me hunt you down."
Fox blinks, his heart skipping a beat. You're serious, and he finds himself nodding, agreeing without thinking.
"Yes, sir," he says, and then mentally curses himself. "Doctor."
You chuckle, and the sound makes his chest tighten. It's the nicest sound he's heard all day, and he can't help but smile. You give him a playful salute, and he returns it, and you laugh again.
"Well, I hope we don't see each other anytime soon," you say, grinning.
"Me, too," Fox mutters, before he stiffens. "I mea—"
"I know what you mean," you say, your eyes sparkling. You hold out a hand, and he hesitates for a moment before taking it. Your skin is warm, and his breath catches in his throat when you gently squeeze his hand. "Take care, Commander."
"You, too," he says, and your smile widens. 
You pick up your datapad and step around the cot, moving towards the door. As you pass him, Fox catches another hint of the flowery scent, and his eyes widen. Lavender. It's lavender.
"Have a good day, gentlemen," you say. You flash him one last smile, and then you're gone.
He lets out a long, slow breath, trying to process what just happened. He feels... strange. There's an odd warmth in his chest, and he's still not quite sure what it is. He doesn't think it's anything bad, but it's new, and he doesn't know what to do with it. Maybe it's the blood loss. Or the painkillers. Or maybe it's the bacta. Yeah, it's probably the bacta.
Thorn slaps him on the back, and he lets out a startled noise, nearly falling off the cot.
"I don't know what the hell that was," Thorn says, chuckling. "But it was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen."
"Shut up."
"Seriously," he continues. "She's definitely way out of your league. I might even say she's way out of mine."
"I'm leaving," Fox grumbles. He grabs his armor and starts putting it on, trying not to wince as the plates rub against the bandages. "Get out of my way."
"Sure, sure," Thorn says, stepping aside. He gives Fox a sidelong glance, a mischievous look in his eyes. "Just make sure you give her your frequency."
Fox stops, his helmet half-on. He stares at Thorn, his mouth agape, and then turns away, pulling his bucket on over his head. He's not about to give Thorn the satisfaction of an answer. Not when his brother is clearly enjoying his discomfort so much.
He stalks out of the room, his boots echoing against the tile floor. Thorn follows, laughing, and Fox can feel his cheeks burning. He keeps his head down, his shoulders hunched, and he's determined not to speak another word. 
As they walk through the lobby, he notices you standing at the desk, speaking to the receptionist. You're not smiling anymore, but Fox can still see the ghost of it on your lips, and he feels the strange warmth growing inside him.
Thorn elbows him, and Fox lets out a hiss, glaring at him through his visor. He's already starting to regret allowing Thorn to drag him here. This whole experience had been far more traumatic than the injury itself, and he would have been better off ignoring it. But as he looks back at you, his gaze lingering on your form, he finds that he doesn't really regret it. At least not entirely.
The receptionist hands you a datapad, and you nod, thanking her. You turn and look at him, and he quickly ducks his head, pretending to adjust his pauldron.
"Commander!" you call out. "Wait a moment."
Fox stops, and Thorn snorts. He turns and sees you approaching, a small smile on your lips.
"Forget something?" he asks, and he winces internally at how gruff his voice sounds.
"Yes, actually," you say, stopping in front of him.
"Okay," he says slowly. He doesn't really understand why you're talking to him again, but he's not complaining. "What is it?"
"Your frequency."
Fox freezes, his eyes widening. He can't believe what he's hearing, and for a moment, he's convinced that he's misheard. It doesn't seem possible. Not with how the day has gone so far.
He glances over at Thorn, who's practically vibrating with excitement, and he quickly turns back to you, his heart racing.
"Uh..."
"I'll have the receptionist check in on you every few days, just to make sure everything is healing up okay," you continue. You hold out your datapad, and he takes it automatically. "But if there's any complications, or you notice anything unusual, don't hesitate to contact me, okay?"
The breath leaves his lungs, and he's grateful for the bucket over his head. Right. Of course. You're his doctor. This is completely professional. The disappointment that floods his veins is surprising, and he mentally scolds himself. What had he been expecting, anyway?
“That won’t be necessary," he says, handing the datapad back. "But thank you."
You frown. "Commander..."
"It's fine." He turns and gestures for Thorn to follow. "Come on, we've got work to do."
He can hear Thorn muttering behind him, and he knows that his brother is probably annoyed, but he doesn't care. The warmth inside him has vanished, replaced by an uncomfortable numbness. He doesn't know what he was hoping for, and he's glad that the conversation is over. It's better this way.
You call out after him, but he ignores you, and within moments, he's out of the building and back on the street. Thorn is right behind him, and they start the long trek back to the office.
"I can't believe you just did that," Thorn mutters.
"Did what?" Fox asks. He doesn't look at him, keeping his eyes fixed forward. He can feel his face heating up, and he's suddenly feeling very tired.
"You're an idiot," Thorn says, shaking his head.
"Shut up."
They walk in silence for a few minutes, and Fox tries not to think about the conversation. It doesn't matter, and it's better to just forget it.
He's been doing this job long enough to know that it’s dangerous to get attached to people, especially when they were civilians. Things never worked out, and the risk of getting hurt was too great. He'd seen too many of his brothers get their hearts broken by the citizens they were trying to protect, and he wasn't about to let that happen to him. It wasn't worth it. And you weren't special, anyway. You were just another natborn.
He repeats these thoughts to himself over and over, and eventually, he starts to believe them. The warmth inside him disappears, and the numbness returns. He's relieved. He's finally starting to get his head on straight, and the sooner he forgets about you, the better.
And yet, when they reach the Senate building, Fox hesitates. His eyes wander towards the medical center towering over the cityscape, and he feels a twinge in his chest. He tries to ignore it, and he continues walking, heading towards the office. But the ache doesn't go away, and the image of your smile lingers in his mind, taunting him.
He doesn't know why it bothers him so much. He'd only just met you, and it was nothing but a brief conversation. There was no reason to be upset. But somehow, it feels like something was taken from him. And he can't figure out what it was.
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223 notes ¡ View notes
koolades-world ¡ 5 months ago
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can i request MC randomly staring at them, and when questioned abt it, MC responds with something similar to “sorry you’re just so pretty” or maybe “do you know how pretty you are?”, or anything else like that with satan, solomon, barbatos, and lucifer?
side note completely unrelated to the headcanon: if i was sent to hell to hang out with the most beautiful men in existence, i don’t think i would be able to stop staring. you know? and i think they need some more compliments and praise. luci, that poor old man working and trying to keep the boys out of trouble 24/7. i don’t think i even need to explain mr. barbs, bro lives, eats, and breathes his job. AND BOTH OF THEM STILL LOOK BEAUTIFUL DOING IT. my excuse for adding solomon and satan is just that they’re pretty and they need to know it. i am just yapping at this point but if i was MC i would probably start with mammon and levi. it has probably been centuries since mammon has heard anything positive said about him and levi is just literally the epitome of insecurity. OOH and maybe even prioritize asmo while we’re at it, someone has got to tell him that his looks are not his only lovable trait 😭😭idk, am i allowed to ask for your opinions on silly questions outside of the headcanon request?
hello!! it's totally fine to ask my opinion on non-headcanons requests <3 it's so fun just getting to rave about things like that and it's always great to get the creative juices flowing haha. if you and other readers ever want to do this, feel so free!! i'd love to chat with you guys about the reason we are all gathered here today haha
you are so right anon. you are so incredibly based because omgod what the hell how are you all Adonis????? if I got teleported suddenly to the Devildom like that, I think I might pass out because hello??? I don’t think I’ve ever been in a room with so many gorgeous people? how are they so effortlessly attractive 😭 all of them need positive reinforcement and i think we would all jump at the chance to be their cheerleaders haha. knowing me, I would try to call them pretty and stumble over ever single word in the process, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
cute request btw!!
enjoy <3
Mc calls Lucifer, Satan, Barbatos and Solomon pretty
Lucifer
he was probably working but you somehow managed to get him to take a rare break
you’d brewed him his favorite; hell coffee. the smell plus youe big puppy dog eyes did the trick
he kind of expected you to want to chat, but to his surprise, the two of you sat mostly in silence
when he asked what the matter was, since you loved to talk during his breaks, the last thing he expected was for you to call him pretty
he blinks a couple times and stares at you back
he couldn’t get many words out, but he did manage to say thank you
as he sips his oh so bitter coffee, he couldn’t help but smile and wonder how he got so lucky
Satan
he probably acted like he expected it and responded smoothly while behind that put together, suave expression was a overthinking mess haha
the cafe you were at was busy, so the two of you were patiently waiting for your drinks
he was telling you all about the book he’d finished reading this morning, but you weren’t engaging with him like you usually do, so he asked if something was wrong
when you told him you were distracted by how pretty he was and how his excitement only made him even more attractive, he knew the perfect counter
despite that well timed and ready compliment back, he still found himself thinking about and getting bashful over your words
thankfully for him, your drinks finally arrived and the conversation took a different turn
but he won’t stop thinking about what you said
Barbatos
he doesn't notice you spacing out at first
he's in the middle of cooking dinner, and is currently refusing to let you help because you're his guest
in the middle of multitasking, he finally notices your eyes on him
he didn't stop working but he called out to you, asking if something was wrong
after you told him you were just admiring his beauty, he thinks about your words but continues to work
your words and unfaltering gaze actually managed to fluster him
congratulations :) you’ve done the impossible
Solomon
he thinks you’re joking at first actually
being silly and poking fun playfully is just so very him and he was probably in the middle of doing just so
maybe the two of you were attempting to do some homework or just lounging around together
you said that he was pretty so suddenly that he didn’t really register what you’d said so when he treats it as a joke, you repeat yourself
now you’ve got his attention and he makes you repeat it one final time
he calls you a cutie, or something along those lines and continues his fun banter, but you notice his lingering, adorable grin
it’s moments like this that make you realize you should tell him just how pretty everything about him was
385 notes ¡ View notes
togrowoldinv ¡ 9 months ago
Text
Memory
Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader
You feel like you’ve met her before, but you just can’t remember when or how. It turns out there’s a lot you don’t remember
Note: Hey y’all. I have been swamped these last couple of weeks studying for and taking a part of the cpa exam, but I finally had a free moment to have some fun. I went and saw Argylle, so this is loosely inspired by that. Enjoy it!
Natasha Masterlist 1, Natasha Masterlist 2, Natasha Masterlist 3, Main Masterlist
The room is silent aside from the clicks of a keyboard as Natasha tries to break through a firewall. She’s smart, but the person who created it is slightly smarter than her.
The redhead smirks when she is one step from breaking through, but her cheekiness doesn’t last. An alarm sounds and she’s met with at least ten agents swarming all around her.
“Oh hey, guess you guys found the party,” she says in her usual cool under pressure tone.
She uses the agents’ hesitation to begin attacking them to deal the first blows. She takes them down two at a time until there’s only one left. She knows who he is.
“Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?” Natasha asks.
“You know what I want,” he says.
“And you know what I want,” Nat replies.
The two of them keep their guns in ready position. Nat alerted for backup, but she knows most likely she’ll have to handle this on her own.
“Where is the woman?” The man asks. He shakes his gun at Nat. She sees a weakness in the way he’s holding it. He won’t last.
“If you give me the intel, I’ll give you her location,” Nat says.
“You’re lying!”
“Maybe. Or maybe I’m telling you the truth. They’re never really that different, right?”
“Drop your weapon,” he tries another tactic.
Natasha just smirks. She moves her left arm down and the man mistakenly thinks she’s giving in. The moment he shifts his aim Nat takes a shot at him. It’s an easy shot for her.
He goes down and Nat finishes gathering her data from the computer before she quickly gets out of the building. That backup she was waiting for finally arrives as she’s making her way outside.
“Thanks for the help,” she says sarcastically as Steve opens the door for her.
“Sorry,” he says. “We can’t be everywhere all the time. What were you even doing here?”
“Gathering intel,” Nat says simply. She shows him the flash drive and he just shakes his head. “The more I can find out the better I can help her, Steve. It’s an easy choice to make.”
“Nat, she’s so far gone,” he tries. “It might be worth stopping.”
“I’ll never give up on her. She’ll be herself again. I know it,” Natasha says. “Now, will you help me get this to Stark to decode?”
“Of course I’ll help you, Romanoff.”
She nods in thanks. For the rest of the drive, Natasha thinks about what her next step should be. There’s no easy fix to this situation. She needs to go where her mind works best.
Meanwhile, you are working on cleaning tables when the most beautiful woman walks in. You’ve seen her in here several times since you started working here.
She always sits at the table in the corner and orders coffee and a piece of chocolate pie. It’s always the same thing. You’ve never waited on her before, but somehow the stars align today and you’re covering that section.
You walk to her table and take a deep breath. She’s even more beautiful from this close up.
“Hey, how are you today?” You ask her.
“I’m okay,” she replies. “How are you?”
“Can’t complain,” you say. It’s your typical response when a customer asks you that question. “What can I get for you, ma’am?”
She orders her usual. You feel her eyes linger on you as you pour the coffee and bring her slice of pie to the table.
Something feels familiar about the way she smiles at you in thanks.
“Do I know you?” You ask her. She doesn’t reply, but you notice she looks away from you. “Sorry, it’s just that I had some memory loss so I’m just not quite sure who I know at this point.”
“Oh, I’m very sorry,” she says. “I don’t think we know each other though, no.”
“You seem familiar,” you tell her.
“Well, I am an Avenger so maybe that’s it,” she says. “I’m Natasha.”
“Right. The superheroes. It’s nice to meet you, Natasha,” you say. “I’m y/n.”
You hold out your hand for her to shake. When she does, you swear there’s still a lingering feeling that you know her. Maybe you’ve just seen her on television.
“I better get back to work,” you say.
“Nice to meet you, y/n,” Natasha says.
She stands from her chair and drops cash on the table. Walking towards the door, she stops short and turns back to look at you. You offer her a smile that she returns.
With that, she disappears into the city. The rest of the day goes by seemingly without any other excitement. You can’t stop thinking about your interaction with the woman, which is why you thought you were dreaming when she shows up at your door.
You blink hard to try and wake up, but the reality is that she’s truly here.
“Natasha?” You ask confusedly.
“I don’t have time to explain,” she says. “Can I come in?”
“I- what? Okay?”
She takes that as a yes. She walks inside and goes straight to the corner of the room where she picks up a piece of the floor to reveal a secret storage area.
Natasha fills her bag with the weapons that were stored under the floor.
“What is happening?” You ask her.
“Just trust me,” Nat says.
“I just met you today and you somehow know about this secret area of my house I didn’t even know about. And I’m supposed to trust you?”
“Yes,” Natasha replies. “Come on. Get some shoes on. We have two minutes.”
“Two minutes before what?”
She doesn’t get the chance to answer before a loud bang comes from outside. A series of car doors close simultaneously.
“Look, I know you don’t know me but you have to trust me. These guys are after you and if we don’t bail in the next thirty seconds we’re dead. Got it?” Natasha says.
“What?” You ask. It seems to be the only word in your vocabulary right now.
She grabs your hand and pulls you through your house. Once you’re outside, you go through the fence to the neighbors yard.
“Here,” Nat says, pulling you to a motorcycle that’s waiting there.
“I am not riding on that,” you say.
“Then you’ll be dead within minutes. Come on, y/n,” Nat says. She puts the helmet on your head involuntarily.
You have no choice but to listen to her. Hopping onto the bike, you hold on tight to her middle as she drives through the streets. At some point, a van is tailing the two of you. Natasha turns down every alleyway and street she can to get you away from the tail.
“When I say jump, you’ve got to jump!” Nat says over the roar of the engine.
“What?”
You’re quickly approaching a road that you can see has no end. She drives full speed ahead before letting go of the handlebars.
“Jump!” Nat shouts.
You cling onto her as you both jump. You have no idea how far the drop is but somehow you land in water. Natasha pulls you to the surface quickly.
You get to shore and try to gather yourself some. You’re so confused about all of this.
“Are you okay?” She asks.
“Am I okay?” You ask her. “Seriously, you’re asking me that? I don’t know who you are or what’s happening. We just got chased by a van through town and jumped off a motorcycle into a fucking lake. Do you think I’m okay?”
The woman has the audacity to smile at your words.
“I’m sorry, do you think this is funny?” You ask her, feeling fury seethe inside you.
“No,” Natasha says too quickly. “No, it’s just- nevermind. We have to get to the Avenger’s compound.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” you tell her matter of factly.
“Y/n-“
“Don’t!” You interrupt her. “Just leave me alone.”
Nat raises her hands in surrender and watches as you walk away. She lets you get ten steps ahead before she follows after you.
“I told you to let me be.”
“You’re up there all alone. I just happen to be walking in the same direction,” Natasha reasons. “Although, the compound is the other way.”
Despite the fact that you were just doing insanely dangerous tasks with her, you feel a certain safety in her presence.
“Why should I go with you?” You pose a question.
You notice her hesitation in answering. Like she wants to tell you something but she just can’t.
“If you just come with me, I’ll explain everything there. Okay? Please give me a chance,” Nat says. “I won’t be responsible for them finding you and finishing the job.”
“What job? I’m just a waitress. Who could I possibly have wronged?”
“I promise I’ll explain later,” Nat says. “Please follow me.”
You relent and follow her. There’s no reason for you to trust her but somehow you do. It doesn’t take long to get to the compound once Nat hot wires a car.
“Y/n?” A girl asks when you are inside. You look at her despondently and she frowns. Natasha gives he’s her a look.
You follow Natasha to what seems to be a laboratory. There’s a large screen on the wall.
“Ah welcome,” a man says. You recognize him as Iron Man. “You’re just in time.”
“For?” You ask.
“The truth,” another man answers. You’re pretty sure he’s Captain America.
Before you can speak again, photos of you litter the screen. There are some of just you and some of you and the other Avengers.
“What the hell?” You wonder aloud.
“Y/n, we wanted you to remember on your own but it’s taking too long,” Tony Stark explains. “Natasha tried to jog your memory just by being in your presence, but that didn’t work.”
“So I do know you?” You ask the woman.
“You know all of us, y/n. You’re an Avenger.”
“But I’m- no. I’m a waitress,” you say. Your head feels like it’s spinning.
“That’s what they made you think, but you’re not. You’re a special agent,” Steve says. “And one of the best.”
“I don’t believe you. This is all a joke, right?”
“It’s not a joke, y/n. Why do you think we knew those people were after you? Or that I knew about the floor in your house?” Natasha asks.
“That’s easy. You’ve been spying on me.”
“No,” she says simply.
“Then how?” No response. “This is just insane. I’m leaving.”
You start to walk away. You hear Natasha’s footsteps behind you.
“Natasha,” a warning voice comes from Tony. “Don’t.”
“You know what, you go ahead. Take a car of ours, y/n,” she says.
She holds up a pair of keys. You reach for them, but instead of giving them to you she throws a punch your way.
You surprisingly dodge it with ease. Natasha smirks at the way you look at your arms in confusion.
“How did I do that?”
“Come on, throw one,” she taunts you.
You do your best to punch her, but of course she dodges it. You spar back and forth until you’ve both had enough.
“Great, now that that’s over. Do you believe us?” Tony asks.
“I’m not sure,” you say. “How could I not know I’m an agent?”
“Brainwashing,” Natasha answers. “Very effective brainwashing.”
“But why?”
“Because you were going to uncover a huge invasion of Hydra in the government,” Steve explains. “We still can’t find the data that you had before they took it from you and erased all of your memories.”
“So the memory loss, that was a real feeling I was having?”
“It was,” Nat says. “The reason why wasn’t a car accident as they told you though. They captured you and essentially knocked you senseless.”
You rub your hands over your face as you try to take all of this in. Just a few hours ago you thought you knew who you were, but they’re telling you something completely different.
“We wanted you to remember on your own, so it might not be so overwhelming,” Nat says.
“So, we’re all what? Coworkers? Friends? I don’t remember any of you, or anything you’re describing,” you say.
“We’re friends,” Steve says. “You’re friends with all of us and with Nat-“
“Steve,” Nat interrupts. “She doesn’t need to hear that right now.”
“I don’t need to hear what?”
There are shouts down the hallway that interrupt your conversation. Tony suits up and Steve grabs his shield.
“Get her to safety,” he tells Nat.
She grabs your hand and takes you down the hallway to a door and down a ton of stairs. Nat locks a door behind her once you’ve reached the lowest level.
“They’ll handle them,” Nat says. “But the further you are from the fight the better.”
“What was Steve going to say?”
“Hm?”
“About you and me,” you prompt her.
Natasha tears her eyes from yours much the same way she did when you questioned if you knew her earlier.
“Natasha, please just tell me. Clearly, everything I thought I knew was a lie. What’s one more thing?”
“Okay,” she agrees. “We were- you and I were together.”
“Together?”
She nods.
“Define together. Like dating?”
“Kind of yeah,” she says. You look at her for more details. The silence prompts her to continue. “We were married. We are technically married.”
“Oh,” you say.
“Yeah. I didn’t think you were ready to learn that,” Nat says.
“So that’s why you knew your way around my place?”
“Our place,” she says. “But they moved all of my stuff out before you went back there.”
“Natasha, I don’t- I can’t remember anything,” you say.
“I know,” Nat says sadly. “We kept our distance once we realized what they did to you, but we’ve never stopped making sure you were safe.”
You hear the sound of the fight getting closer. Natasha reaches for your hand. She places a loaded gun in your palm.
“I want to remember.”
“You will,” Nat says. “But right now, you’ve got to fight.”
To be continued…
539 notes ¡ View notes
spacexgrl ¡ 22 days ago
Text
Bittersweet ! 🎀
mdni <3
series masterlist
~ in which Ellie breaks up with you and you go a little crazy ~
ex! ellie williams x fem! reader , abby anderson x fem! reader
college au!
warnings: angst, break up, cheating!!, cursing, toxic behavior, smut in future chapters <3 feminine and girly reader ,not proof read!!
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To say that you were nervous was an understatement, you and Ellie have been on edge ever since you moved to seattle for college. At first you weren’t going to apply for this university in particular but Ellie begged you to because she didn’t want to do this without you, there were times in your relationship where she couldn’t even breathe if you weren’t in a 2 meter radius from her. You’ve been together for almost three years now, it’s been roughly four months since you’ve moved in together and every day was hell for you since then, not because she treated you badly no..quite the opposite she did nothing, fucking nothing. You noticed her lack of impact in your relationships on a random wednesday when she left for her morning classes without saying anything , she didn’t even spare a single glance at you not even a simple hug. At first you tried not to overthink it, maybe she just didn’t get enough sleep, maybe she was stressed it was an exams week after all!! Right?? Fuck.. how wrong you were.
So you tried your best to take care of Ellie, you cooked her favorite meals, took her out to see the newest superhero movies, massaged her feet after a long day at her side job, got her some clothes she had been eyeing at a local thrift store, showered her with all your love and affection at all times!! Only that she didn’t seem to perceive your efforts at all. It’s not that she wasn’t thankful, you know her she definitely was but still… something was very different.
Every time you tried to hug her she kind off..shrugged you off, always trying to find a reason to escape your acts of love. You wanted a kiss? “Uhh sorry my lips are too chapped” “I don’t want your lipgloss on me” “actually i have to go” you could go on and on. No matter how hard you tried she always pushed you away.
A few minutes ago she texted you that she’ll be home from work soon and that you needed to talk…your heart dropped to your ass but before you suffered an anxiety attack you decided to do your nighttime routine and make yourself look presentable for your talk with Ellie.
“How the fuck did this go so wrong??” you asked yourself for the 80th time today as you stepped out of your steaming hot shower and wrapped yourself in your soft pink towel. A small laugh escaped your lips as you relived the memory of you as you showed Ellie the things you bought for the apartment, you wanted everything pink and white with a hint of leopard print and Ellie just went with it, no complaints just pure love for you and your girly things. It left a bittersweet taste on your tongue as you locked eyes with your reflection in the mirror while you worked your skin care products into your skin, you were so effortlessly beautiful one would never notice that you were in an unhappy relationship. Your skin was smooth, lips plump and glossy after applying your dior lip oil. You were a true bombshell, you thought to yourself. And damn..you were so right.
You’ve just slipped into your silky pijamas as you heard the front door creak open. You took one last glance in the mirror and fixed your hair before meeting Ellie in the kitchen. She sat by your dining table, the food you’ve warmed up for her remained untouched like almost every day. “‘m not hungry..” she mumbled, almost too quiet for you to hear so you just put the food back in the fridge. Now you’re sitting right in front of each other, in silence . No one dared to say a word, even though you expected Ellie to start the conversation. You studied her, the way she manspread on the chair, how she was fidgeting with her hands..oh her hands..god you were gonna miss them..though you haven’t felt them in months. Okay focus now.. you noticed her troubled facial expressions, she was nervous and scared to look you in the eyes. You loved her eyes so much, they definitely were your favorite shade of green.
“Ellie please” you finally spoke up, your heart raced, daring to jump out of your chest. Your voice has never been so weak, you barely made it without tearing up. The tension only thickened the more she thought about what to say, but you knew exactly what was happening.
“I’m so sorry i just..” she stumbled over her own words, finally meeting your teary eyes. Her heart ached as much as yours but she knew that it’s better this way.. “I can’t give you anything back because i.. don’t know why but i don’t want to anymore i think i’ve lost feelings for you a while ago and it’s just.. i can’t explain i’m so sorry” she swore she heard your heart shatter in the exact moment she spoke.
“is it because of your best friend? What’s her name?? Dina? Is she the reason for all of this?”
You sobbed, remembering the day Ellie introduced you to her new best friend Dina. She was so nice to you and you got along so well..until Ellie stopped bringing her to your apartment to hang out at her place instead, she claimed that they studied better that way. Yeah studying was definitely what they were doing..no wonder Ellie refused to touch you once Dina was in the picture..it all made sense to you now..fuck this bullshit
“i think i have feelings for her..i’m sorry”
Ellie couldn’t look at you anymore, shame eating her alive as she admitted to her feelings for her best friend. How could she do this to you? She felt crazy and would do anything for your forgiveness. She couldn’t stand the thought of not having you in her life anymore, even if it’s just as friends. She liked Dina and she’d ask her to be her girlfriend soon but.. you didn’t need to know that.
“wow..” you scoffed and got up from your seat, tossing her duffel bag in her face. Ellie flinched and you almost laughed at her pathetic attempt to catch the bag before it hit her.
“pack your shit then, i want you gone in the next few minutes and leave the keys. I’m sure Dina has a nice place for you to stay.”
Ellie noticed the way your eyes darkened, she knew that she was in for a ride after breaking your kind and beautiful heart…
“oh fuck”
she created a monster
…
to be continued 🎀
pt 2
214 notes ¡ View notes
gilverrwrites ¡ 8 months ago
Text
Skinny Dipping
Pairing: Dean WInchester/F!Reader
Authors note: This has the been the hardest, and biggest of my re-mastered fics so far. I’m pretty sure the original was an amalgamation of imagines from supernaturalimagine and dirtysupernaturalimagines but I couldn’t even guess at which imagines exactly. This is like, my 4th public/semi-public fic in like 3 months, I’m starting to feel like this is a kink I didn’t know I had.  Also, Metallica have not cancelled anything, don’t worry. (and I don’t know jack about cars, people that do, please don’t come for me, I really did try, k, thanks, bye.) 💖
Plot: Reader is a mechanic who Dean's been checking in on, and checking out for a while now. Dean has the perfect excuse to see her after baby breaks down nearby.
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Rating: M/18+
Words: 2936
Content: Swearing, consumption of alcohol, reckless drunken/tipsy behaviour, being submerged underwater, skinny dipping, teasing, brief retraining, size-difference, dry-humping, (or I guess wet-humping), semi-public sex, unprotected sex, p in v, water sex, mild angst.
Please remember: If you never try, you’ll never know.
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You switch off the radio, listening to the purr of your car's ignition as you pull up behind a familiar black impala. It was a beauty, but it was nothing compared to your ‘70 boss. You watched as its owner climbed out of the front seat and headed towards you.
Its owner being your old friend Dean Winchester. He and his brother had saved you from a coven of witches a few years back, and ever since he’s been popping back into your life every few months. ‘Working on a case nearby’, ‘just passing through’, ‘baby needs a new compressor’. Every visit he laid the flirting on thicker. You weren’t sure if he was just joking around with you, or if he was serious, or if he saw you as a challenge. Either way you’d been making him work for it. Today it just so happened that his car had broken down a few miles out from your shop, the perfect excuse to see you on a Friday night.
You were pulled from your train of thought by a light tapping on your window. You snapped your head to the side to see Dean hovering over your door. His familiar smile set your heart racing. Okay, so maybe his seduction tactics were working, he was hot, who could blame you?
“Is there a problem, officer?” You joked, rolling down your window.
Dean rested an arm on the hood and leaned in. “No, no, just a routine check.” You knew he impersonated officers and agents all the time, but you hadn’t seen it firsthand. It was impressive how easily he slid into character.
“I am, however, gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle for a full strip search.”
Act ruined.
“At least buy me drink first.” You quipped.
“If you can help me, I’ll buy you a whole dinner.” He winked and opened the car door from the outside. You raised your brows at him but climbed out anyway before making a b-line for the impala’s engine.
“What’s wrong?” You directed your question to the car in the same tone you would address a small child or animal, gently rubbing a hand across its roof as you walked beside it. "Has someone been neglecting you?”
“Hey!” Dean barked, clearly offended. “I take better care of this baby than I do myself.”
At that you looked back over at him. He’d forgone his usual flannel today, leaving him in a pair of jeans that hugged him in all the right places and a grey t-shirt that clung tight and accentuated his broad chest. By the time your eyes reached his face, Dean was sporting a wicked grin, clearly ecstatic to have caught you checking him out. You avoid his smug gaze by popping the hood of his car to take a look at the engine.
“You weren’t kidding.” You whistled; Dean really was taking care of the thing.  The motor was almost gleaming. You felt his warm hand suddenly press against your lower back and turn to look up at him. The expression on his face could only be described as that of a proud father.
“Yeah.” He agreed before pointing to the main battery with his free hand: “This is the problem. It’s busted.”
“Ah, you’re gonna need a new one. I’m surprised you don’t keep a spare.” 
“Yeah.” To his credit, he looked pretty sheepish. “I normally do, but guess I forgot when the last one went out.”
“I don’t have one.” You said, pursing your lips to express your sympathies.
Dean didn’t respond, biting his lip while he waited for you to continue.
“But I could give you a jump start if you gotta head out soon.” You bring the hood back down and start heading to the boot of your car.
“No good,” Dean calls after you. “I’m not in a rush, but I don’t have enough gas to get me where I’m going.”
“Well… I’ve got a guy. He’s a few towns over. He’s closed at this time.” You inform as you open your boot and pull out your tow rope, flashing it to Dean with a smile. I can tow you into town for tonight, then drive you there and back in the morning.”
“I knew I could count on you!”
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An hour later, you’d slowly but surely managed to drag Dean and his baby back into town, argued with him about him staying at a motel or on your couch (you’d won), and successfully swindled him into buying you that dinner he’d promised. Dinner being take-put pizza and over-priced ice-cream. Now, the two of you were sitting in your backyard, sharing the aforementioned ice-cream and an old bottle of Jack Daniels you’d pulled from the back of your cupboards. 
“So,” Dean began, his speech slurred by the spoon hanging from his mouth. How’s the garage doin’?”
You take a sip of the JD and proceed to suck on your teeth as you consider how to respond.
“Honestly, bad. Ever since that shitty corporate place set up shop down the road, we’ve been going downhill.” You punctuate your statement with another sip from the bottle before offering it to Dean. “I’m keeping it up and running by tooth and claw, but truthfully, it’s probably only got a few months left in it.” 
He gives you a sombre smile as he exchanges the tub of ice cream for the bottle. It's a touchy subject, but you can’t help admiring the way his neck moves as he tilts his head back to drink. You avert your eyes by scooping up the last bit of cold, sugary goodness and placing the empty container on the grass beside you.
“That sucks.” He places a hand on your shoulder, attempting to offer comfort. “That really sucks. Do you have a back-up plan?”
You grab the bottle back from Dean and take another sip before answering.
“I dunno. Sometimes I think about doing what you do. Kinda.” You begin. You don’t miss the way his entire body stiffens before you clarify. “Without the monsters. Just hit the road, get drunk at every bar in the country, visit Disney, become Metallica groupie, an-”
“You know they cancelled that tour, right?” Dean butts in.
“WHAT?” You shake his hand off and stare up at him in disbelief.
“Yeah.” He shrugs. The smile on his face is anything but sympathetic.
“Bastards.” You cross your arms and pout dramatically. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but the laugh that escapes Dean's lips is magical, and you can’t help but join in. When he returns his hand to your shoulder, this time reaching for the furthest from him, thus wrapping himself around you, your skin tingles, and you let yourself fall into him.
As the two of you slowly seize your giggling, Dean checks his watch. He quirks an evocative brow at you when he speaks, “It’s getting late. Maybe we should head inside?”
You mull it over, dramatically swaying your head from side to side before you voice your decision. “Actually, I have a better idea.”
You stand up, offering your hand to Dean, who eyes you sceptically. Nevertheless, he takes the bait, placing his hand in yours and allowing you to lead him toward the footpath just outside your garden.
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“Where are you taking me?” he asks, and you can sense the caution in his voice. You assume it’s the hunter in him being paranoid, and you know for a fact that his free hand is hovering over the knife he keeps tucked into the back of his jeans at all times.
“I’m taking you here,” you answer as you pull him through the last set of trees and onto the shore of the local lake. You scan the surrounding area as you kick off your shoes. Satisfied that nobody is nearby, you start pulling off your trousers.
As you bend down to pull your socks off, you look up at Dean. He’s staring back at you intensely, mouth open, cheeks pink.
When you start pulling your top over your head you feel his fingers lightly brush against your hips. He’d stepped closer, and you’re tempted to touch him back or to reach up and kiss him. But you don’t. Instead, you throw your top over his head and sprint for the water.
“RACE YOU!” You challenge, discarding your bra and panties before you reach the water and forward dive in. Dean follows you moments later with a cannonball that splashes your face just as you’re resurfacing from your own dive.
“Fuck! That’s colder than I expected.” You yell to him.
“I’ll warm you up.” Dean replies as he swims close to you. You let his hands return to your hips, not expecting it when he dunks you back under the water.
You cough and splurge as he brings you back up. You flail your arms around until you find the top of his head, and you cling to him for dear life, but Deans is stronger, taller, and he’s found solid ground to plant his feet onto below the water. He escapes your grip and throws you under again.
“STOP. MERCY!” You yell when you come back up. This time, you use your legs for safety, wrapping them around his hips. You'd be safe if you could just get a grip on his arms. You’d been too distracted to notice his erection until you feel it poking at you. You’re about to make a comment about it, but Dean speaks first.
“You’re cute when you’re scared.” He laughs, you silence him with a swift but playful punch to the chest. In defence he grabs at your wrists, able to trap both in just one of his hands. His other hand slides up your arms, over your shoulder, your neck, until he reaches your cheek. He leisurely rubs his thumb against your wet skin.
You stay like that for a while, watching each other, before you finally ask, “Are you gonna kiss me or what?”
Without any further hesitation Dean lunges forward, forcing his lips against yours. His kiss is hard and animalistic; he skips straight past the pecking and teasing to roaming your mouth with his tongue. His fingers leave your cheek and weave into your hair, holding you against him, his stubble scratches against your skin.
In a play for dominance, you dart your own tongue out, grazing his chapped lips, but he denies you. Instead, he pulls away from your lips, refocusing his attention on nipping and kissing at your jaw, neck, and collarbone.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been imagining this.” He utters onto your skin.
“What, this exact scenario?” You joke.
“Not exactly.” He lets out a breathy chuckle, and the gust of air against your skin makes you tremble.
“Then what?” You challenge. Your inability to touch him is frustrating you. In an attempt to stimulate him back, you grip your legs around him tighter, using him as leverage to grind against him. The tip of his cock doesn’t quite reach your clit, but its added pressure helps it spread your lips. “Tell me.”
He drops his hand from your head, and cups it under your asscheek. Firmly guiding you up and down, assisting you in rutting against his cock. Shakey breaths become grunts, and after a few seconds he releases your wrists so that he can grip you with both hands. Free to move, you shimmy down his body until you can feel his dick brush against your clit with each grind.
“Come on, tell me.” You plead, reaching up to card your fingers through his hair, your grip tightening every time he hits your sweet spot. You know he's not shy, that he’s just getting lost in the feeling, and it pains you to say it, but eventually, you taunt. “I’m not gonna fuck you if you don’t tell me.”
He whimpers at your empty threat but finally confesses. “Just you. Your body, under me. Every night, I think about how you’d look, how you’d feel squirming, moaning my name.”
“Fuck. That’s hot.” You reply and he smiles as you plant your lips against his once again.
“Can I fuck you now?” He asks, speech slurred as he tries to speak between kisses.
“Yes.” You respond instantly, pulling back to look him in the eye. “Please fuck me, Dean.”
He doesn’t hesitate. His grip on your ass is like a vice as he lifts you up slightly. You both work in sync to position yourselves just right until he lowers you onto his cock, slowly pressing into you. There’s some resistance as he stretches your walls, but the sound of his whispered praises helps you relax until he finally bottoms out, stretching you in all the right places.
“Fuck, that feels so good. You took me so well.” He affirms, and even though he’s already balls deep, you can’t help the heat that spreads across your face.
He begins lifting you again before you can respond, sliding you up and down his cock in slow, steady movements. You grip tight to his shoulders and hips with your hands and knees, using them as leverage points to help move your body up and down. Each thrush is slow and shallow, but Dean seems to be loving it; his head rolls back, and he releases breathy moans with every rock.
“Shit.” You shout, holding tighter still when Dean unexpectedly shifts below you, repositioning his legs to a sturdier position. You watch through hazy eyes as he reaches up and grips your hand, before guiding it down the tight space between your bodies. You get the message quickly, and begin rubbing your clit in lazy circles, keeping in time with the pace of Dean's cock.
The added stimulation had your toes curling in no time. When your pussy starts clenching around Dean’s cock, you see the sudden concentration in his face. His brow furrows, and he bites his lip as he focuses on riding you through your orgasm. The sight was the final push you need to take you over the edge.
“Fuck, Dean. Fuck fuck fuck, that feels good.” You cry out as you hit your climax.
“Keep saying my name, baby.” Dean begs as he continues rolling your hips together. You feel his body shake as he starts to struggle with your combined weights as he chases his own release.
You try to assist, desperately pumping yourself up and down despite the newfound sensitivity as you chant his name.
“Fuck, yes baby.” You feel the twitch of his cock inside you. He buries his head in the crook of your neck as he hits his orgasm, rutting his cock as deep as he can as he cums inside you. “oohhh yeah.”
You stay in position for a long time following, holding on tight to each other, listening to each other's breathing as you come back down, until Dean guides your body backwards so that you’re face to face again. “How you feelin’?”
“Good.” You reply with a smile.
“Good.” He grins at you mischievously before plunging backwards into the water, taking you with him.
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“So, was that everything you imagined it to be?”
He purses his lips in thought before teasingly responding. “Eh, it wasn’t bad.”
You both laugh as you lay your head down on Dean's bare chest; his arms envelop your body as you both blankly look up at the stars. You play with the hem of the shirt you’d stolen from him when you emerged from the water and re-dressed.
“You should do it.” Dean says when you're both fully settled down.
“Do what?” You query, popping your head up to look at him, unsure what he’s talking about.
“Hit the road.” He clarifies, revisiting your earlier conversation. “I mean, life on the road isn’t easy or sustainable, trust me, I know.”
“But…” You prompt, knowing fully that he wasn’t going to stop there.
“But it could be fun for a while. If it’s what you wanna do. Hell, I’d totally be a roadie if… you know.”
“I know,” You reply. You’re smiling at him, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. The reminder of your failing business stung, but you didn’t want it to spoil your night. You lean forward, caressing his cheek; his stubble feels rough against your fingers. You gently pull his face forward and plant a chaste kiss on his lips. “I might. I probably will. If it comes to it.”
“I can’t come with you.” He says when you lean away. You hadn’t expected him to want to come with you. Hoped, maybe? But you knew it wasn’t a possibility.
“I know.” You repeat.
He carefully reaches up to run his hand across your damp hair as he pulls you in for another kiss. This one is longer, softer than any you’d shared all night. When you’re done, he lets his head fall back against the ground, and you perch yourself against his chest once more. 
“You’ll still call me though, right?”
“Always.” He replies instantly. “You’re my best girl. Well, second-best girl.”
“The car?” You ask deadpan. Of course, the car is his number one.
“Who else?” He replies shamelessly.
You’re not sure how long you stayed like that, entwined in each other’s arms, spent and damp under the stars, until eventually, you feel your lids growing heavy. You fight it for a while, willing yourself to remain awake, until eventually your tiredness wins out. You cuddle closer into the warmth of Dean's chest as you fall asleep.
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2amriize ¡ 23 days ago
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✩࿐࿔ the new coworker - seunghan one shot
summary: everyone was kinda scared of you at work, until he showed up.
genre: sunshine x cold, fluff pairing: seunghan x reader note: i miss seunghan very much. today was the day he was supossed to comeback, so im really missing him today </3
(idea by: @jakahbot ♥)
For some people, office work can seem very boring, and for you, it was no different. Although the job was comfortable, every day felt like the same monotonous routine. You’d only been working there for a year, but you still hadn’t managed to start a conversation or make friends with any of your coworkers. This was typical for you; it was always difficult to start conversations with people, and most didn’t see you as friendly since you often had a serious expression. The truth was, you thought you didn’t really need to befriend anyone—you were just there to do your job, so having friends wasn’t necessary, right?
One day, during your coffee break, as you sat in the cafeteria sipping your coffee, you were surprised to see your supervisor enter with a young man by his side, showing him around the office. The young man had dark hair and a somewhat cat-like face. For a moment, your eyes met, and he gave you a smile that made his eyes disappear before he walked out of the cafeteria.
Why did he smile at you? You looked around to confirm that no one else was there for him to be smiling at, and indeed, you were the only one present. Not even two minutes had passed when a group of your coworkers came into the cafeteria, talking excitedly about the new guy in the office.
“Did you see the new guy? He’s adorable...”
“Right? His smile almost made me melt, and his voice…”
“I hope they put him near my desk so I can see him every day…”
They fell silent when they noticed you in the room, glancing at you for a few seconds before giving a quick greeting. That’s when you knew it was time to leave. For some reason, you felt like your presence made people uncomfortable. Whenever you saw your coworkers in the halls or cafeteria, they looked at you as if they were afraid. It was something you’d never really understood. Without saying a word, you left the cafeteria and returned to your desk.
You weren’t expecting to see the new guy at the desk opposite yours, but as soon as he saw you arrive, he quickly stood up, bowing to greet you.
“Hi, I’m Seunghan. I’ll be working here from now on. I hope we get along well,” he said, looking at you with the same smile he’d given you earlier.
You looked at him for a few seconds, then nodded several times before turning your gaze back to your computer screen. Maybe you were just bad at socializing since you didn’t know how to respond to him; you just hoped he wouldn’t interfere with your work too much.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
Days passed, and at first, everything went quite smoothly. There was no noticeable change; you just had a new coworker across from you (who would smile every time you made eye contact). The only thing that annoyed you was hearing some groups of coworkers come over to your section to ask if Seunghan needed help or just to offer him a snack or drink. At first, it didn’t bother you too much, but the interruptions gradually started to overwhelm you, as they kept you from working.
During one of these visits, you decided to take a break, getting up from your desk with a sigh and leaving. The office fell silent as they heard you sigh, watching you as you exited the room. But once the door closed behind you, everyone resumed their conversations.
Stepping outside, you sat on one of the benches across from the building, planning to wait until people left your coworker’s desk. After a few minutes, while looking at your phone, a coffee cup appeared in front of you. Looking up, you saw that it was Seunghan offering it. You stared at him for a moment, confused, before taking the cup. He then sat down beside you, looking at you.
“Y/n, right? Sorry for being such a bother in the office…” he started, looking down at his coffee. “It seems like a lot of people have taken a liking to me,” he added, flashing you his usual smile.
“It’s alright; I guess it’s not really your fault,” you murmured, taking a sip of the coffee.
“Oh? This is the first time I’ve heard you talk,” Seunghan said with a small laugh, looking at you in mild surprise. “You know, I’ve heard people say not to approach you or that they’re afraid of you…”
“Yes, I’ve heard that too.”
“But I don’t think that’s true, so maybe I’ll be a bit of a bother to you.”
You looked at him, a bit confused, unsure how to respond. What did he mean? The fact that he was even talking to you now felt strange. It was the first time someone at work had a conversation with you about something unrelated to reports or work issues. Meanwhile, Seunghan held your gaze. After a few seconds, you just stood up without really knowing what to say and headed back inside.
“See you, Y/n!” he called after you.
To be honest, you thought he was just being polite that one time and that it would end with that conversation. You didn’t expect that Seunghan would actually try to become closer to you. He started leaving snacks on your desk, which you found after returning from breaks. Every time you looked over at his desk, you’d find him smiling at you, sometimes even winking before returning to his work. Initially, you didn’t know how to react, and you’d simply put the snack in your bag to eat later.
But that wasn’t all. During the first few weeks of working together, he’d often come to you to ask about things he didn’t yet understand, which you’d try to explain as briefly and concisely as possible. He then started sitting beside you in the cafeteria during breaks, trying to spark a conversation or simply talking about himself, sharing things like what he did over the weekend or the dramas he was watching.
At first, you would simply listen, occasionally meeting his gaze. You couldn’t deny that you enjoyed his company. You’d always had your coffee alone in that room, so it felt a bit strange at first to be sharing it with someone else. But for some reason, you were getting used to having Seunghan by your side. In fact, you were starting to look forward to his company. You couldn’t forget the expression on his face the first time he saw you smile or when he made you laugh. His eyes were bright, and he couldn’t help but smile as he looked at you.
“Oh? You have a really pretty smile, Y/n,” he said the first time he saw you smile.
Of course, as expected, this began to spark rumors throughout the office, causing the coworkers who’d already looked at you with unease or even fear to now glare at you with irritation. You didn’t mind; they’d always looked at you that way. What did bother you, though, was being judged by people who didn’t know you, who didn’t really know who you were.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
Several months had passed since Seunghan had started working with you. The days that had once felt monotonous and hard to get through were now pleasant, thanks to him. But that day, nothing was going as you’d hoped. One of your supervisors had scolded you for sending out documents before they’d been reviewed. You couldn’t help feeling bad, and unconsciously, you avoided Seunghan all day. You exchanged glances a few times from your desk, but you were so lost in thought about what had happened that you quickly looked away. Seunghan obviously noticed you weren’t quite yourself, but each time he tried to ask what was wrong, you’d go somewhere else, almost as if you were avoiding him.
That day, you decided to stay late to correct your mistake. It might have seemed trivial to others or just a small error, but to you, it felt huge. Before you knew it, the office was completely empty, with only your desk light still on. You checked the time: 9:30. You let out a sigh as you gathered your things and walked out.
“Y/n,” a voice called as you exited the building, and turning around, you saw Seunghan.
“Seunghan? Why are you here this late?”
“I brought you dinner,” he said, showing you the bags he held in one hand.
“Oh, that wasn’t necessary…”
“Is something wrong, Y/n? I know I’m usually the one talking, sharing stuff about my life, but sometimes I also want to know what you’re thinking…”
You looked at him in silence. No one had ever shown much interest in you, or at least, not in how you were feeling or what was happening with you. You didn’t know why Seunghan was behaving this way toward you; maybe he was just a genuinely kind person, but you were grateful for it.
“Maybe…maybe we could go to my place for dinner? It’s too cold out here…” you said without thinking, and Seunghan nodded eagerly.
It was the first time you’d invited anyone to your home, but it was too cold outside, and it wasn’t the best place to talk. Once settled in, Seunghan and you sat at the table, and after a few seconds, you told him what had happened that day. Seunghan listened attentively, understanding why you’d been acting that way.
But the conversation didn’t end there; maybe it was because you were in your home, which felt like a safe place, or maybe it was because Seunghan inspired so much trust in you, but you started sharing things about yourself, like your interests and why you’d started working there.
Talking to Seunghan helped you stop dwelling on that morning’s incident at work, and before you knew it, it was nearly 2 a.m.
“I don’t understand why everyone says negative things about you…” Seunghan murmured, making you shrug.
“Well, I can understand why everyone speaks so well of you,”
Your comment made both of you laugh softly, holding his gaze for a few moments. If someone asked you how you felt in that moment, you wouldn’t know how to describe it exactly, but it was as if you felt at peace. It had been a long time since you’d felt so comfortable with someone. After a minute of looking at each other in silence, you nodded a few times, averting your gaze.
“Thank you for reaching out and talking to me, Seunghan. I really appreciate it.”
“There’s no need to thank me, Y/n; you know I did it because you caught my attention,” he murmured with his familiar smile.
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ᥣ𐭊 masterlist
taglist: @regularsuh @gacktsa @totheseok @kkumistars @taroddori
@enhacolor @ladylilith @electric-hearts @astrobymarwa @layluv123
@sunflowers1610 @nctrawberries @synkjellies
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daryl-dixon-daydreams ¡ 3 months ago
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Words: 3,844 Pairing: Negan x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: Alexandria, after the war, Negan is imprisoned Warnings: language, mild gore (killing walkers) Summary: In lieu of Negan's failing mental health, Michonne looks for options and Y/N steps up to do her share. A/N: This is part 1 of a miniseries (maybe 3?? parts) for Negan that I've been working on! I started it as a one shot, but... you know me lol so here we are! Part 2 will be released next week on Wicked Wednesday! Happy reading! “I’m afraid we’ve got a problem,” Michonne said seriously. You exchanged a glance with Daryl.
“What kind of problem? Like, Annoying Steve is being annoying or a new horror is coming to destroy everything we have and love?” you asked wryly.
Daryl let out an appreciative dry laugh but Michonne remained serious. “Somewhere in the middle, I think,” she said. “It’s about Negan.”
Daryl swore and paced a tight circle. “Course it is. Somehow, it’s still always ‘bout him, ain’t it?” he growled.
Michonne forged ahead. “Gabriel is—fed up with him. There’s no other way to say it. He’s not trying to do anymore counseling and he needs a break. I don’t blame him. He’s taken on everything with Negan since—since Rick—”
You frowned, your brow furrowing as grief roared upwards in all of you. “What exactly is the problem?”
“His mental state is really deteriorating,” Michonne explained. “Being in there by himself all the time, just the odd hour or two outside, no one talking to him—”
“Why should we give a shit?” Daryl asked in a low, dangerous voice. “Ain’t the whole damn point of him bein’ in there so he has to suffer for what he did for the rest of his life? His mental state… Fuck. They fed me one fuckin’ dog food sandwich a day after they shoved me into a fucking closet naked. They —”
You reached over and put your hand on Daryl’s arm before he got further charged up. He stopped abruptly and drew in a long breath.
“I know. I know what he did, but no,” Michonne said. “The point isn’t for him to just suffer. If we do that, we become no better than him.”
Daryl glanced at you and let out an exasperated exhale. “Hell, ya already know what I think about it,” Daryl said firmly. “He shouldn’t even be breathin’ still. ‘M the wrong damn person to ask ‘bout this.”
Michonne sighed and leaned forward on her hands. “I’m just trying to honor Carl and—”
“We know,” you interrupted her quickly. You paused thoughtfully. “I—I can take this on. I’ve dealt with him the least so far out of the three of us. Probably makes it my turn.”
Daryl’s brow furrowed. “What’re ya gonna do? Rub his back while he cries? Hold his fuckin’ hand? I mean, how do we help somebody like him.”
Michonne shrugged. “A little more conversation to start, I think. He said being alone and the boredom is eating him alive. Maybe we come up with some more things for him to do outside the cell.”
You nodded. “I’ll brainstorm,” you said.
Daryl looked concerned, his eyes flickering over you. “Yer gonna have to be careful. He’s a manipulative asshole. And I dun trust a damn thing ‘bout him. If he can get out, he will. Don’t matter what he’d have to do.”
“I’ll be careful. I’m not an amateur, Daryl,” you said, shooting him a smile.
He nodded, ducking his head. “I know. I just gotta say it.”
“Are you sure?” Michonne asked. “It doesn’t have to be one of us. I can talk to some other people.”
“I’ve got it. I’ll start today. I’ll take him his meals and check on him, make sure he gets some time outside the cell. I’ll take care of it.”
_ _ _ _ _ _
Flat on his back, Negan heard the door open and shut but he barely moved. His eyes stayed closed and he heaved a heavy sigh, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose in some anticipation of annoyance. “Gabey-baby, I am not in the fucking mood for your guidance counselor horseshit today, so why don’t you just turn that tight little toosh around, waltz back out, and leave me the fuck alone…” he said.
“Wow. That was—gross…” you said.
Now, his eyes opened. This was something different. You were different. He swung his legs down and sat on the edge of his cot, his hazel eyes finding you and looking you over. “God Bless America, a change in the fucking monotony,” he said. “Is Gabe still mad at me?”
You approached his cell, tray in hand and nodded. “Yep. In fact, so pissed that he’s officially on vacation from you.”
“Gotta envy that,” Negan quipped. “How do I sign up for one of those?”
“A vacation from yourself?” you asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think that’s in the cards.”
“Damn. It was worth asking.” He seemed to be looking you over again and you rolled your eyes.
“My eyes are up here, Negan,” you joked.
His lips curled into a half-smile. “Sorry. But Gabe isn’t exactly my type and I don’t get much chance to look at anything so—”
“Just stop right there, okay?” you interrupted him. You slid his tray through the slot at the bottom of the door and straightened back up.
But Negan wasn’t interested in his breakfast. “It’s Y/N, isn’t it?” he asked.
“You know perfectly well what my name is, Negan,” you countered.
He cocked his head slightly. “You’re right about that,” he admitted. “So, what’s on the agenda?” he asked, finally moving to grab his tray. He returned to his cot and set it on the small side table.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Gabe was always counseling me. Trying to rehabilitate me. Were you a therapist or something in the old world?” He grabbed the small apple and shined it on his shirt before taking a bite.
“No. But we’re perfectly aware that your mental health has taken a nosedive recently,” you said.
Negan let out a low laugh. “And you give a shit?” he asked skeptically. “I nearly fucking destroyed all of you and you’re worried about my mental health?”
You sighed and nodded once, stiffly. “We’re not the same as you, Negan. We’re trying to do better. And Michonne wants to honor Carl’s vision.” You watched as Negan’s face fell. The look in his eyes grew distant and his shoulders slumped slightly.
“Yeah… He was a helluva kid,” Negan said.
“You don’t know the half of it,” you replied, taking a seat in the stiff wooden chair set outside his cell. “I watched him grow up from a scared little kid and survive everything this world threw his way. You have no idea what kind of loss that was.”
Negan was looking at you thoughtfully and you were surprised when he didn’t reply, only nodded, and then returned to his apple.
“The agenda is for me to—” you hesitated for a moment. What the hell was the agenda? “For me to help you how I can. I know you’re alone a lot and you probably need some company, a change of scenery every now and then, mental stimulation…”
Negan laughed and smirked. “That’s not the only kind of stimulation I need,” he said.
You glared at him. “Jesus, Negan…” you murmured, rolling your eyes.
“It’s the truth,” he laughed.
“Yeah, well, I’m not helping you with that. I guess you’ll just have to try your hardest to think back to one of your past six wives,” you sassed.
The grin stayed on his face. “Five,” he corrected you. Then, the smile faded. “But, uh, only the first really counted.” Negan’s head dropped and you watched him curiously.
He was struggling. You’d never sensed so much truth or vulnerability in a single thing that had left his lips.
“I see,” you said.
For some reason, this made him laugh again. “You know, Gabe used to say that all the time. It’s some of that non-value, non-judgement counselor language.”
You stood up suddenly and sighed. “Finish your breakfast. I’m gonna go do a few things and then I’ll be back. We’re gonna get you out of that cell for a while today.” You fixed a stern and perceptive look on him. “If you think you can behave.”
Negan looked curious. “For you? I might.”
You cocked your head at him and looked unamused. “You will, or I’ll fucking kill you.”
Negan laughed again and turned back to his food. “Got it.”
_ _ _ _ _ _
“Why don’t I come with ya?” Daryl asked, watching as you slipped the pistol into your holster.
You looked up at him with a furrowed brow. “You think I can’t handle this?” you asked.
“Not that ya can’t handle it. It’s just—it’s Negan. We all know what he’s fuckin’ capable of,” Daryl said, walking behind you out the front door and across the steps.
“You’re conflating past Negan with Negan now. I just talked to him, and I’m telling you—it’s like he’s been robbed of all his menace and power. He’s been sitting in that cell a long time, Daryl. I don’t think he’s the same and I don’t think he’s going to—to suddenly hit me over the head with a rock or something,” you said.
“But outside the walls? Already? Why dun ya just—just start with somethin’ in here first and see how it goes? That way there are other people around and I can stop by when I can and check in.”
You read the intense concern on Daryl’s face and then nodded. “Alright. We’ll stay in the walls today. But I think part of the problem with him is that he hasn’t seen a single different thing outside in too long. He’s going a little stir crazy in there and I can’t entirely blame him.”
“Yeah, well, he fuckin’ deserves it,” Daryl growled.
“He does. But Michonne is right… we should be trying to be better. Otherwise, we should have just killed him.” You paused, trying to come up with something for him to do that would give him a little exercise and change of pace. “I’ll have him help me clear out that area for the new garden plots. There are some plants to harvest over there anyway before we clear it. It’ll teach him something too.`”
Daryl nodded. “ ‘Kay. I’ll stop by and check in,” he drawled. “Just be careful. Dun let yer guard down.”
“You know I never do.” You turned and headed back toward Negan’s cell.
Negan rose from his seat on his cot, the tray from breakfast sitting empty beside him on the small side table. He watched as you withdrew a ring of keys from your back pocket and fiddled with them a moment as you stood in front of the cell door, eyeing the lock. Was this a good idea?
Negan took a few cautious steps toward you, watching your face intensely. “Am I… getting out on good behavior, warden?” he quipped, flashing you a half-smile. It seemed to draw you back out from your reverie.
“Temporarily,” you replied, finally fitting the key into the lock and turning it. The metallic clunk was striking. “If you can handle it…” you added.
The pistol on your hip wasn’t lost on Negan. He nodded. “I think so,” he said. “What’re we doing? Hard labor?”
“Not so hard,” you said. “But I would appreciate your help with something.”
Negan froze just after stepping out of the cell and fixed a queer look on you. “Appreciate?” he repeated.
You nodded. “Mhm…”
His eyebrows lifted. “You better be careful with the way you’re talkin’ to me, Y/N. I might just fall in love with you,” he chuckled. “I haven’t felt appreciated in… oh, I don’t know—how long have I been in here?” he asked, brushing a hand back through his hair.
“Didn’t Gabriel speak nicely to you?” you asked, shutting the cell door behind him, giving him a questioning glance.
“Well, sure. Or maybe not nicely. He was at least neutral,” Negan said, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I think I ruined that though.”
You shook your head and sighed. “Yeah, he’s not pleased with you, Negan,” you agreed. “Look, this is just a test run. We’re staying in Alexandria today, but eventually… I’d like to get you outside of the walls on occasion.” Negan looked shocked. “Obviously, that’s going to take trust,” you emphasized. “But I think it would do you good.” You hesitated, wondering if you should admit this to him, but you decided it would be good for him to hear it. “You’re not the same as you were when you were locked in here. And—I intend on finding out if you can really be rehabilitated. Not that I’m ever going to forget what you’ve done… but there’s got to be more than this,” you said, gesturing to the cell behind him, “in your future. Otherwise, what’s the point?”
“You’ve just explained exactly what has me so depressed,” Negan admitted. “I’ve spent most of the last however many fucking years wishing Rick had just killed me.”
Those words hung in the air like a toxic cloud. You gulped and couldn’t help feeling an ache of compassion at his words. Compassion for Negan. What a peculiar thought… You tilted your head toward the door. “Come on. Follow me and stay close. And let me be perfectly clear; I will shoot you if you try to pull any bullshit,” you emphasized.
He nodded, his expression surprisingly serious. “Got it.”
You led him out into the summer sunshine and walked through Alexandria until you reached the overgrown section near the wall that you planned to tackle for the day. The two of you had gotten plenty of stares as you moved down the street, but you noticed that Negan had mostly kept his head down. His shoulders were somewhat slumped and he made no witty comments on the walk, though you caught him closing his eyes to enjoy the breeze or staring up at the blue expanse of sky overhead multiple times.
He stopped beside you, his hands in his pockets, as you stared at the tall grass and brambles ahead and sighed.
“What’re we doin’, boss?” he asked.
“We’re going to start clearing this area out so eventually we can put in some new garden plots. But there’s a little more to it. We used to have some medicinal plants in here before it got overgrown. I’m hoping to find them and save them for transplanting, so we can’t just start ripping everything out.”
“How the hell am I supposed to know what’s medicinal and what’s not?” he asked.
“I’m gonna teach you,” you said confidently.
Negan laughed a little at the assertion. “Look, doll… I was a gym teacher in the old world. ‘Not Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman,’” he said.
Your eyebrows lifted. “Wow. That was a deep bench reference,” you said.
He smirked at you. “I was pretty proud of it myself,” he said.
You couldn’t help a dry laugh and small shake of your head. “It’s not that hard. We’ll work together to start and I’ll show you how to identify them. The grasses can all be pulled, but we’ll identify the broadleaf plants and get them ready for transplanting if they’re something we can use.”
Negan looked skeptical but shrugged. “Well, you’re the boss. Not like I’ve got a full schedule,” he said.
“Exactly,” you agreed. There was a reason you weren’t just having him pull all the grass and doing the rest yourself. Negan was smart and not having any mental stimulation was probably contributing a lot to his mental health issues. If you gave him a task that was a little physical and a little mental, you were hoping it’d give him a sense of purpose and productivity.
You got started right away, mainly just pulling the grasses and clearing a large area that remained dotted with forbs. It was summer and the respiration of the plants you were sitting in made the air humid. It wasn’t long before you were wiping at sweat along your hairline and stopping to push wet strands back out of your face. For a while, you worked in silence beside Negan, only speaking to instruct him, but he finally tried to start some conversation on his own.
“So, what the hell did you do in the old world anyway? Were you some kind of plant guru?” he asked, pausing to pull off his gloves for a moment and get a drink from the canteen you’d provided for him.
You paused, standing up to look down at him where he knelt in the grass. He was sweaty too, like you were, and his dark blue shirt was clinging to his back in the heat. “I don’t think I owe you my backstory, Negan,” you said. Your tone wasn’t unkind, but it was a little stern.
“Aw, come on. This is part of that trust-building thing you mentioned earlier,” he said, taking another drink. “I’m just trying to figure you out a little bit,” he said.
You crossed your arms and surveyed him. “So, you can better manipulate me when it’s beneficial to you?” you asked.
“What? No,” he said with surprise, and you almost believed him. “I mean—I currently have no concrete plans to manipulate you…” he admitted, a small bit of jest in his voice. “I’m bored all the time in that fuckin’ cell. I could sure use the conversation. Isn’t that what this is about? My ‘mental health’,” he quoted, shooting an expectant look at you.
You sighed. “What do you wanna know?”
Negan licked his lips and then smiled, thinking about what he wanted to ask, but before he could say a word, bootsteps behind the two of you caused you both to look over to see Daryl standing there.
You went to greet him, pulling off your gloves.
“How’s it goin’?” he asked in an undertone, glancing past you to shoot a glare at Negan.
You shrugged. “Fine. It’s been completely fine so far.”
Daryl nodded, but still looked suspicious. “He ain’t tried anythin’?”
You shook your head, dusting the soil from your gloves. “Nope. We’re just working.”
Daryl nodded, still clearly apprehensive. “Well, s’almost noon. Get him back to his cell by 1 and I’ll bring his meal down,” he drawled.
“I can take care of that,” you offered.
“S’fine. I wanna have a word with him anyway.” He put his hand on your shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze, giving you a small smile. “Yer doin’ enough for him. Be careful.”
“Okay,” you agreed, nodding. “See you later.”
When you turned around, you noticed Negan had been watching the interaction carefully. There was a thoughtful look on his face, but when you simply returned and got back to work, he joined you again in silence. You continued on for another hour or so, managing to clear quite a wide area by the time you needed to get Negan back to his cell for a late lunch. You walked beside him, both of you now dirty and plenty sweaty, and your hand strayed to the handle of your pistol again absently.
Negan noticed and broke the silence that had stretched for what felt like a long time. “You’re a fuckin’ great shot with that thing,” he said, nodding toward the gun.
“What?” you asked, turning to look at him, puzzled.
“I said, ‘you’re a great shot’,” he repeated. You still looked confused. “I noticed… during the war,” he said. “I mean—I noticed you but also your aim.” You stared at him, your brow furrowed. “You almost blew Simon’s fuckin’ head off,” he said with a laugh. “If he hadn’t flinched at the last second…” Negan let out a low whistle.
“How’d you know that was me?” you asked.
He shrugged. “Like I said, I noticed you.”
You looked… unsettled? Uneasy? Negan couldn’t quite define it, but there was some sort of tension in the air as you walked him back the rest of the way and finally locked him inside his cell again.
He gripped onto the bars and watched you turn away before he managed to get your name out. You turned toward him again, the high arch of your brow inquiring. “Thanks,” he said. “For today. It was the best fuckin’ day I’ve had in a while,” he admitted.
You gave him a baffled look. “I made you work outside in the sun all morning,” you laughed.
“Yeah… but I wasn’t alone. And I’ve had waaaaay worse company. Just—even if you decide you can’t do more than today, I want you to know that it mattered to me. Thanks.”
That look was on your face again, some mix of surprise and bewilderment. Finally, you sighed. “Daryl’s gonna bring you lunch. I’ll see you later, okay, Negan?”
He nodded, still gripping onto the cold, iron bars of his cell, and watched you walk out.
A short time later, Negan had washed his hands and splashed cool water from his basin over his face, dabbing at it with his small scratchy towel, when he heard the door open again. He looked up to see Daryl coming in with a tray of food and a scowl. He set it down by the slot at the bottom of the cell door and pushed it roughly through with the toe of his boot, almost spilling the water cup. Daryl’s expression didn’t change. It was stony and guarded.
Negan eyed him and then wandered over to grab the tray. He did feel hungry for once, something that had been rare for quite some time. When he straightened up, Daryl’s blue eyes were narrow and stinging.
Negan grabbed the apple off his tray and took a big bite. It was sweet and crunchy, satisfying and refreshing after being in the sun all morning. “Something on your mind, Daryl?” Negan asked, a faint smile on his lips.
Daryl stepped closer, right up to the bars. “Yeah. One thing. If ya fuck up, if ya try to hurt Y/N, if ya pull anythin’ I dun like, I don’t give a shit what Michonne or anybody else is tryin’ to do—I don’t give a shit about your rehab, I’ll put ya in the fuckin’ ground. Got it?”
That smile was still on Negan’s face, annoying the shit out of Daryl.
“I mean it, Negan. Ya hear me?”
“Loud and clear,” he said, taking another bite.
“Good,” he growled, and the archer left.
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afterglowkatie ¡ 1 month ago
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security nightmares | k.m./c.f.
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katie mccabe x caitlin foord x child!reader | 2.5k | things don't go as planned at one of the arsenal matches leading you to have a nightmare later that night
ˏˋ°•*⁀ this is part of my new little starfish universe. depictions of starfish's nightmare are included in this, not too much detail but yeah <3 thank you for being so patient while i took a break. i love that you love starfish sm
Match days on their own could be quite overwhelming and full on, let alone match day in a whole different country. By now you were used to travelling on planes and going to different places, but you were only really used to doing that with the Ireland team. You couldn’t really remember travelling with the Arsenal girls that many times. You knew how travelling with Ireland worked, plus travelling on planes with Ireland was a lot more common than travelling with Arsenal so everything was bound to run more smoothly with Ireland than Arsenal. 
Your mammy had tried her best to make sure travelling with Arsenal would be the same or at least quite similar so it wouldn’t throw you around too much. But she was still constantly stressing over you. You weren’t the type of kid to really be too phased by travel or new countries, being surrounded by different languages and all that. You were quite used to it all, it was all you knew.
But there were obviously things that no one could control and whenever you were going somewhere new your mammy always stressed and worried extra about you, ‘Yes mammy, stop asking I still have it,’ You had a pout on your face and almost rolled your eyes when your mammy asked you, for what felt like the millionth time, if you had your backpack and if you had your pass on you. Your pass was important, since it told security who you were and if you got separated from either Katie or Caitlin then you were able to, with the help of security, find your way back to them.
Not that it’s ever happened, you being separated from them, but as your mammy said, it’s better to be safe and you can never be too careful, ‘Hey, starfish, this is important, okay? It’s not like we’re just at the Emirates where everyone knows who you are, this is completely different and I need to keep you safe,’ Your eyes softened and you lost your pout and attitude when your mammy brought out her serious voice.
You nodded and gave your mammy a hug, ‘I’m sorry mammy,’ 
‘I just want to keep my little starfish safe, I love you,’ Katie smiled and held you tighter, picking you up and sitting you on her hip while walking towards the change rooms.
From the atmosphere in the change rooms you could tell that today was a bit more of an important match than some of the other ones you had been to, ‘Goodluck Caity,’ You had wandered over to Caitlin after she’d finished putting on her boots, ‘Gonna get goals against them,’ You tried to swing your leg in a way to pretend you were kicking a ball just like Caitlin but you ended up falling over backwards in the process.
‘Whoops, you alright starfish?’ Caitlin was quick to help pick you back up, brushing off and flattening your little dress back out, ‘Gotta be careful starfish,’ You both laughed it off and you wrapped your arms around Caitlin’s neck giving her a hug before you were all being ushered out of the room and into the tunnel. 
‘Looks like you’re stuck with me starfish,’ Both your mammy and Caitlin were starting today so you had to go with one of the others who wasn’t starting and unfortunately for your mammy and Caitlin, Kyra had been the one who would look after you while you all sat on the bench. 
‘Oh no,’ You dramatically sighed out, throwing your head back covering your eyes with your little hands. Though as hard as you tried, your facade cracked easily and you couldn’t help but laugh.
‘You know you love me,’ Kyra poked at your sides before taking your hand so she wouldn’t lose you on the walk out, knowing that she wouldn’t want to face either Katie or Caitlin if she did lose you from her sight. 
‘Ky Ky look!’ You held your connected hands up excitedly wanting her to twirl you around so you could show her the jersey you were wearing. Normally you would wear a mini version of your mammy’s jersey but you’d been asking lately to have one with Caitlin’s number and name and today you finally had gotten one to wear at the match.
‘Oh look at you,’ Kyra smiled while you skipped slightly next to her, ‘When are you gonna wear mine to a match?’ Kyra joked but also knowing Kyra she would get you to wear one of hers just to mess with Katie.
‘Only wear mammy’s and mum’s,’ You beamed proudly, Kyra’s steps faltered a little, taking in the slight shock realising that you were referring to Caitlin as your mum. 
It’s something that Kyra had brought up to Caitlin one day when they had a moment to themselves at training, if you had or would ever call her mum or something along those lines. It was something that Katie and Caitlin had talked about but Caitlin never wanted to pressure you into calling her anything other than what you were comfortable with.
A small smile spread across Kyra’s face but she knew to not make a big deal over it, not until Caitlin was the one that told her about it. She didn’t want to spoil that moment between you and Caitlin. Also since Kyra was definitely sure you hadn’t said it to Caitlin yet, or others would definitely know by now.
When Kyra was being subbed on she made sure you were safe and being looked after. But nothing ever really goes as planned. It was an important win and when the final whistles went everyone was lost in the heat of the win. Enough that you weren’t noticed when you jumped off your seat and wandered away from the bench.
You were excited to see your mammy and Caitlin after the match. Caitlin had scored a goal and you wanted to give her a hug as soon as you could. But before you could make your way onto the pitch and towards them, like you were normally able to, you were stopped by security. None of the security had seen where you’d come from and just assumed you had come from the stands and were just a fan of the players.
‘I want my mammy,’ You yelled out towards the security guy, a little cry escaping your lips. He’d stood in front of you, quite tall and scary and blocking your view so you couldn’t see your mammy anymore. 
He was talking to you but you weren’t listening, just crying out for mammy or Caitlin just anyone to come save you. You’d forgotten your backpack where you were sitting on the bench otherwise you could show him that you belonged where you were. Then when his hand touched your shoulder, trying to escort you away from the players is when you become hysterical.
‘Get your hands off her,’ You weren’t in the head space where you could hear anyone’s voice and you missed when Caitlin came over shoving the security away from you, ‘That’s my daughter,’ Caitlin and Katie were going around looking for you when they noticed you hadn’t made your way to them and you weren’t still on the bench.
The next thing you knew you were in Caitlin’s arms, she was rubbing your back, whispering little ‘You’re okay starfish, you’re safe,’ While she took you away from the pitch, away from everyone and down the tunnel.
When your mammy reached the two of you she had some choice words to describe the security guy after Caitlin told her what she’d seen. Choice words that you’d never be allowed to repeat. 
‘I’m sorry Caity,’ You cried out, burying your head further into Caitlin’s neck and wrapping your arms as tight as they could around her, ‘I didn’t mean to forget my backpack, I know it’s important. I’m sorry,’ You were calming down enough that you could string together sentences again, even if your voice was still so soft and muffled by your tears.
‘Hey, shh, it’s okay starfish. Me and mammy, we aren’t mad at you,’ Caitlin kept rubbing her hand over your back soothingly, ‘We’re both just glad you’re okay and safe with us again,’ You calmed down almost completely, letting Caitlin’s soft voice and words soothe you. You were just glad to be back with them.
‘I’m gonna go get her things, you gonna be okay?’ You heard your mammy’s voice, it was softer than usual, the kind of voice she always saves for when you’re upset or tired. In a few years you’d find it amusing how your mammy’s voice can be so strong and bold but then so different when it comes to you. Something you’ll always appreciate.
‘Yeah, we’ll be fine. I’ve got her,’ Caitlin had sat you both down at her cubby, wrapping you up in one of her hoodies.
‘I love you,’ Katie placed a soft kiss on Caitlin’s temple, rubbing her arm softly, ‘And I love you my little starfish,’ You gave your mammy a small smile, Katie met you with a sad smile when she saw how red your eyes were. She gave you a kiss on your forehead and a little hug as best she could with how you were positioned and left to go get your backpack and anything else you had left behind.
Before the girls started filtering into the change rooms, Katie had already told them what had happened, Caitlin was grateful that everyone kept their distance and didn’t overwhelm you. Some of the girls silently checked with Caitlin to make sure you were okay before going about their post match routines. 
It wasn’t long before your mammy joined you both. She was glad to see you weren’t crying anymore and had settled yourself, but she still wiped a little under your eyes and rubbed your cheek softly. It was obvious you had exhausted yourself, the way your eyes were half closed, the small pout on your face, how you weren’t really present and focused on your surroundings and the way you were leaning into Caitlin.
You didn’t leave Caitlin’s arms, not on the way to the bus and not once when Caitlin was seated on the bus, all the way back to the hotel you were all staying at. On the bus your mammy had given you your favourite starfish toy you’d brought with you and once you had that safely tucked in your arms, along with the comfort of Caitlin’s hoodie you had on, you were out like a light. 
‘Thank you for taking such good care of starfish,’ Katie whispered to Caitlin once they’d both slipped into their bed. In the hotel room you were staying in, your bed was in the same room just a little bit from their bed. They were able to get a bigger room that had a separate space for you but for Katie’s peace of mind, they opted for a room where you were in the same space as them. 
‘You don’t have to thank me, she’s my daughter too,’ Caitlin opened her arms, pulling Katie into her embrace.
‘I know,’ Katie whispered, looking over to where you were sleeping before looking up at Caitlin, ‘You’re just so good with her. I don’t know how we got so lucky,’ Katie smiled softly, cuddling more into Caitlin.
‘I’m the one who got lucky to have you both in my life,’ They both shared a small kiss before following you in falling asleep, your mammy taking a bit longer while she watched over you for a bit to make sure you were sleeping okay before she went to sleep.
Your sleep had started out promising, until it went downhill. Luckily for you, you never did have nightmares all that often. But unlucky for you is that when you did, they felt like the worst dreams in the world since you weren’t used to them. The dream seemed like it was a good dream, you were at the match watching your mammy and Caitlin play but then suddenly they were gone. They were gone and you were calling out for them, calling out for anyone to help you but no one could hear you. No one could see you and you couldn’t find your mammy or your mum.
Suddenly you were all alone. The world felt cold and you were on the ground holding your legs to your chest until some big, tall scary looking man loomed over you. In your bed you were tossing and turning, your arms thrashing around and when you woke up it was dark and you couldn’t see your mammy or your mum.
Already close to tears the moment you woke up, the dark room and feeling like you were still alone and left behind sat like a weight in the bottom of your stomach. You burst out in tears, crying out. Trying to call for your mammy or your mum but nothing other than loud cries were coming out.
Instantly at the sound of your cries, Katie and Caitlin both sat up. Your mammy frantically tried to turn on a bigger light while Caitlin made her way over to you. Caitlin took your little body, as gentle as she could so she wouldn’t frighten you, into her arms gently rocking you and soothing you.
A frown spread across Caitlin’s face as you cried out, making out the words, ‘Don’t leave me,’ ‘Was all alone,’ ‘Couldn’t find you,’ while you cried harder and your little hands fisted her shirt tightly. 
‘Shh, it’s okay starfish. You’re okay. You’re safe, me and mammy are right here,’ Caitlin spoke softly into your ear, over and over, hoping that her words would eventually break through and you would start to calm down.
Your mammy sat beside you both, her hand rubbing up and down your back, letting Caitlin take the lead. If Katie started talking too she knew it would only overwhelm you and make everything worse, but her presence was enough especially when you would start to calm down and be present enough to know she was also right there.
‘We’ll never leave you or let anyone take you away from us,’ You’d calmed down a lot to the point your cries were just little hiccups, ‘You’re our little starfish and we love you so much,’ 
‘Promise?’ You sniffled looking up at Caitlin, a little pout on your face.
‘Pinky promise,’ Caitlin held her pinky up towards you, letting go of her shirt you linked your own with Caitlin’s. Once you were ready, Caitlin gently moved you over to her and Katie’s bed. Your mammy already had your starfish toy waiting for you while Caitlin placed you in the middle. 
‘Love you mammy,’ Your voice was small, tiredness evident. You turned your head so you were facing and cuddling into Caitlin’s side, ‘I love you mum,’ You were safe and most importantly you were back with your mammy and your mum.
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11cupids-tarot11 ¡ 5 months ago
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What's going on right now? Need Clarity? A message from Spirit!
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︻デ═一・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
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Pile 1- 9 of Pentacles, 9 of Wands, Princess of Pentacles, 3 of Cups, 8 of Cups, 9 of Swords, The Hermit, Ace of Cups, King of Cups, Ace of Wands, 2 of Cups, extra card- Prince of Pentacles.
Bottom of the deck- The Lovers
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Hi my pile 1!
Today I feel like Spirit really wants to talk about you and your work. I heard something about planting roots, could be a literal 9-5 job we're talking about or even a relationship for some of you (I'm picking up on a masculine here), but I'm feeling like it might not be the way you want to to be right now, you're not seeing the results of all of your hard work but the Nine of Pentacles talks about having to climb that last mountain before you can reach the top and rest. This energy here is expressing though we may be so tired and want to give up it's very important you look back and see how far you've come in any given situation, how much you've progressed with maybe in a job, or something that really matters to you like finishing a book or even how much progress you've made in a relationship as well. (My phone buzzed as confirmation, I feel like there's a little bit about love in this reading which is crazy because I'm trying so hard to be diverse and not talk about romance so much but other forms of love too lol). Overall I'm getting don't give up, I know it's a struggle but sometimes it's good to sit back, reflect and remember our "Why". We just need that extra push of motivation, whatever motivates you, even if it's taking a small break before you decide to get back at it again, anything but quit! An example I could use is when I'm working on my Digital Art for a good hour and decide I still don't like how my drawing looks, I get tired but deep down want to finish it soo bad, so instead of giving up I take a break, let my fingers breathe and get a snack before going back at it again, sometimes it's okay to not break your back trying to finish projects no one's perfect.
So I feel like Spirit also wants to warn us of becoming too materialistic, it's clear this message is for someone who's worked hard to get to where they are now, but I feel like you haven't had the time to celebrate that because you're too focused on moving on to the next thing so quickly, we should appreciate and honor and celebrate all that we've done for ourselves even if you haven't reached the highest goal you've set, go out and celebrate with people you love! You deserve it!
So I feel energy like someone putting so much on themselves, I feel like you make yourself your main concern? If that makes sense? Like someone who gets frustrated at themselves because they quit something, someone here overworks their mind way too much, to a dangerous point. You're pushing your body to work so much because of a certain goal and I see here you see yourself as the problem. You are the very thing that crafts your reality but you can also break it as well. You know that saying less is more? I just heard it in my head, like if you stopped focusing so hard on this and live a little you might manifest it better not obsessing over it so much.
I'm picking up on two different messages, one is for someone who hardly has fun, I think the main message for you to overcome some things is to reach out more to people you love, spend more quality time with them! Have fun, go out and just go for a walk or sit in the park! Do something that doesn't feel like a job, you know? For others, I'm getting you might be more introverted, Spirit is encouraging you to branch out more, maybe work is something that you've just always known and been comfortable, but Spirit is encouraging you to go make some friends, step out of your comfort zone a little! Sometimes someone's companionship is all you need and you would've even realize it because if you're like me and hardly care for socializing it's something you can definitely live without, can't miss something you've never had right? Lol.
I feel some anxiety, negative thoughts and bad coping methods that are no longer serving you, but I feel like this anxiety is just coming from being scared, scared of the unknown especially. This energy doesn't serve you, focus on healing this and pushing this energy out of our consciousness, don't expect it, normalize it or embrace it.
I think as time goes on you could slip into a state of wanting to be alone a lot, I think this is a warning if you continue on you'll always be stuck in that energy. I think the hermit also reminds us to consider ourselves better, present and future, encourages to get to know yourself as well, take time to really understand and appreciate yourself.
I think you're a kind person, I'm seeing here you're represented by the Ace of Cups as well as how you see yourself, which means there is self love there, even if you don't see it or feel it's not impossible! Take it day by day, step by step, whatever that looks like for you! You have lots of joy and sunshine 🌞 maybe you're someone who likes to keep a positive appearance and rarely ever show your real emotions especially if they're negative.
I keep picking up on small messages of someone waiting for a specific love interest or maybe just waiting for your love life to get juicy in general.
I feel like someone's hoping for a connection, there's lots of masculine energy here. This is a special message so if you've been hoping for a specific person Spirit knows! I can't get much but maybe that's because it's not supposed to be a love reading, but I did get that message, Spirit hears you. Maybe this masculine is also a person some of you know, like they're in your life already and they have a heavy impact on you. I'm seeing for some of you it doesn't have to be romantic, could be a father figure for those of you wishing to get closer with your father's!
In conclusion, I don't want to say you'll never find a solution to your problems, but I will say life will always be throwing tough situations at us, at any given time, I think the highlighted message here would be that our mindset is the key here, you can't change your situation maybe but you can decide how you handle them. A strong mindset is always important, a clear and positive one. It's not an answer, no, but it's more like encouragement. I feel like Spirit wants to remind you as long as you have you, you'll never really be stuck or lost, you have the power to see the greater good of any situation or the power to visualize and manifest a life or outcome of a situation you want!
Hope you like this reading! Love you! <3
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
Pile 2- The Hermit, Judgment, Eight of Pentacles, Four of Cups, The Tower, The Star, Three of Swords, Nine of Cups, Nine of Wands, The hanged man and The World.
Back of deck: Queen of Cups
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So the Hermit is once the fool, right? I feel this card is drawn today to point out that you need to focus on something with yourself. You're being pushed to learn more about yourself maybe, I'm getting this card also signifies someone who mostly spends their time alone, this could be because you're being drawn to focus more on yourself and this could also serve as a warning for some that you could be surrounding yourself with too many energies. Either way this card does signify a change does need to happen. A path needs to be taken. Something needs to be done, let's see what it is!
So currently it's healing, I'm seeing it's something heavy on your mind and heart. Well, with the Justice I hear that you have the option to heal right now, you maybe have been wondering what does healing really mean? and I'm hearing that the Angels Gabriel maybe are present with this card and that the path to healing is about to basically open up for you to take. I want to go into great detail about what I mean but can't find the best words, my book describes it like 'an opportunity to scrape off any remaining bits of mud clinging to your boots'.
I feel like someone here is very focused on healing for the greater good, you have a desire, strong will and determined just to do better for you and with the Eight of Pentacles it serves as kind of a confirmation that your guides do see and hear your efforts. Some of us could even be manifesting greater things, better days and your guides definitely do hear you! Makes me feel like they're hinting that your wish will be granted soon, the judgment card does often hint at justice! ;)
I know it might be confusing or some of you are probably like "what?" But I'm hearing that you'll just get random downloads and be like "oh yeah, duh! I should totally try doing that." A specific message for a few of you lol.
So the four of cups makes me feel like your guides are just pointing out more the need to kind of take a break away from everything and everyone. Maybe you're around people who don't have your best intentions or don't really serve you or your healing journey and spirit warns to watch who we keep around, it might be time to cut some people off. Some of you might be getting invited out, it's okay to reject them and let them down easy, take time for you, it's okay to not be bothered and be in the comfort of just yourself! <33
Right now I feel like you're carrying a lot of tension, anxiety and there's a call to release all of that, a change, I feel like being around people might be causing this anxiety because this is supposed to represent your external energy and you got the tower card, but so far all I'm getting is isolation is good for you, which is making me think there might just be a specific person causing this anxiety, if they make you feel bad they're not worth having around, i had to learn that the hard way whoever needs to hear this 😭 🩷
So we're letting go of burdens, anything that's holding us back, we're getting into really good energy! I love this pile honestly lol. You got the hope card! While all of this is happening, you're going to be passing through really heavy energy I bet, it might feel like you got hit by a bus even but your guides want you to remain hopeful! Try to stay as optimistic and positive as you can be, showing gratitude can also help right now! But good job! You're looking at every corner of your shadow self, you're doing a really good job too!
Okay, see! The three of swords is heavy energy but it does signify ✨ NEW 😍 and BETTER 😩 things for us! If you keep going this road, you're going to find something that really brings you contentment and life will feel good again for you! You're getting justice baby!!! I'M TRYING TO GET YOU HYPED BECAUSE YOUR GUIDES ARE PROMISING EVERYTHING YOU'VE WISHED FOR!! 😍😍 Lol whatever that might look like for you, like lately I've really been wishing for a new apartment, so when spirit says my wishes are about to be granted I'd get real excited because that means I'm gonna find a way to get that new apartment soon! Lol.
So right now I feel like you know you're able to manifest these good things all on your own. I feel like a few of you are like me and it maybe took you this long journey to get where you are now, maybe mentally or also in a physical matter, either way you look back and see how far you've come, you still want so much more and maybe you kinda pick on yourself when you realize that but your working on being content and grateful and moving forward now that you really understand how to now!
So I'm hearing that you might have some fears about never seeing progress, or maybe you're grinding very hard I'm talking day and night and you haven't seen the results you want, but you'll get there! I'm hearing the only way you don't is if you give up on yourself. As long as you have the consistency, motivation and power to keep showing up you will definitely see the results you want!
You got the world card as your outcome! This is a possible outcome, the world represents completion usually all things of a happy ending basically! Which means this is how your outcome will be! You do big work and receive big rewards from the universe! You're going to be sooo happy, you're on your way to your biggest achievement yet I feel! Congratulations! 🤭😍
I also heard a message about someone needing to further develop their spiritual growth!!
Hope you enjoyed!! 🩷 Love you sweetie piez
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
Pile 3- Eight of Cups, Temperance, Three of Cups, Seven of Cups, Princess of Wands, Ace of Cups, King of Swords, The Emperor, Princess of Cups, Ace of Swords, Two of Cups.
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Hii! ☺️ So there's a message for you in pile 2! Specific for some of you, maybe if you felt drawn to more than one pile I highly recommend checking it out because I could not stop channeling that!
Let's get into your reading now!
So you're currently in an era of change right now, moving away from toxic energies, environments, mindsets and/or situations, I'm hearing it's because you're embarking on something new and you want to have a fresh clean state basically. Good for you! I totally resonate with that, it's a very good example of bringing home a new puppy even though you already have a dog, you still buy the new dog it's own toys and personal items because you can't just take the old dog's things and give it away, you have to start all over again and buy fresh items, you know? Weird example but this is the best I could explain it 🤣 I don't even have a dog so bare with me lol.
So I see that you're currently questioning how to go about this, and I get the feel that the Temperance card is telling us that we have that answer within. I think Spirit really wants to remind you to listen to your inner child as well, not only that but all parts because it's very important, even our shadow selves. So I feel like that's something you're going to be going through, mental clarity. This energy is a lot like pile 2! There's an overlapping message! Pretty soon you'll be gaining insight, like you'll be receiving downloads and messages from your team and everything will just "click" for you, yk? 😭 Lots of magical energy in all of the piles today it's crazy. I think you're also going to be learning how to balance yourself out, you're going to Intuitively just know because you've done the work searching every part of yourself!
So I see some tension and desire around three of cups, maybe someone here could be wishing for healthier connections, maybe there's some fear of being alone even and it's triggering some healing to be done around that area.
So like I said earlier, you're going to be receiving some intuitive messages that will bring you lots of clarity which is confirmation with the Seven of Cups, it'll just come to you, you might receive an important dream soon! So just keep on keeping on lmao basically stay true to your goals and keep forward on your path!
Okay okay I see you working on moving into your Princess of Wands energy! So the Princess part is like someone who's still learning, so you're going to be in an energy that you're in control of! I feel like you're already represented by the Princess of Wands energy and you're just working on being Queen now! You're going to learn how to utilize your personal energy, creativity and sexual power. Okay so you're going to need this new energy for the path you're going down, you're going to shine through it, literally you're a star whoever you are lmao other people see your energy too, you're someone people look up to! You're embarking on a new journey, I feel like I keep repeating myself a lot but even in my tarot book it says the exact same thing in the card description as the messages I'm channeling from Spirit 🤣 I've gotta start a YouTube so I can show you guys more! Or would you guys prefer if I just included pictures? I don't for aesthetic purposes but let me know guys!
Anyways, back to YOU lol,
So I see you wishing for lots of abundance like love maybe, doesn't have to be very deep and serious like marriage but I feel like a few of you want a baby and someone that loves you and it's a dream of yours, but you're probably putting that dream to the side right now to work on yourself which is good! That way when you are ready to receive you'll know exactly what to do with your gifts, treat them nicely lol! I do see a promising future for you where you receive all of that plus the self love from yourself which will already come first before anything, I think it's really beautiful energy I really like this pile 😭 I love you whoever you are, you feel so sweet!
OOO I see a King of Swords in someone's future? I feel like this is a romantic for a few of you because you also have the Two of Cups as your ending card which represents union to me. My book describes this person as fascinating, and talkative, they'll be very good at providing you emotionally and physically wise! I feel like after all of this work you're finally getting the connection with someone you've been waiting for!
Gender doesn't matter here, but you might see yourself as the Emperor, even if you struggle to, the outside world does too! You're a born leader, you're strong and intelligent enough to LEAD the team! People respect you I feel like, you're very hardworking, you like to set goals, some people might call you a nerd lol 🤓. I feel like in school you were the one who took control in group projects, you're very outspoken and an outgoing person, people love to be around you!
You might not have had many relationships, I'm hearing you might be kind of scared of love and have some hope and fears around it, you'll be discovering your own love language I hear ☺️ how precious omg.
So someone around you with the Ace of Swords suggests that someone you've already had your eye on someone for a while, a few of you might even be in the talking stages still! Either way you might already know who you're coming into union with 🤣 Crazy! For others of you, you will be meeting this person soon! A complete stranger you'll just bump into within divine timing on the weirdest day of your life!
So the Two of Cups is your outcome! With the two of cups it means you'll get the perfect person you've been waiting for! Which is what you've been wishing for, right? (Me too😭) I'm seeing that picturing your perfect person will help manifest them! Some of you could be dating after heartbreak as well I'm picking up on, for those of you who are single you'll be glowing! People will notice and compliment you a lot more. You're just ready to receive while being in your Queen energy! Real hot girl shit 😍 lol I love that omg.
Lots of water energy, someone could be a water sign, Pisces, Scorpio or Cancer or have those placements heavily in ur chart. Someone here could like the color blue or purple or those colors might be significant for you. The number 4 might also be significant. Someone could wear red a lot.
I hope you enjoyed this reading! Love youuu!!!
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor ¡ 2 months ago
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Know Your Place 1
Warnings: non/dubcon, power dynamic, age gap, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Characters: Walter Marshall, destroyer!Chris [for the purposes of this AU, I will give him the last name Jackson] (Professor AU)
Summary: after a life time of home schooling, you finally get to experience the real world in college. (petite reader)
Part of the Bad Professors AU
Note: Please leave some feedback and reblog <3 As always, I love to chat with you all. 
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The noise all around has you reeling. You’re not used to so many people. So many voices and smells and sights. The frantic action of it all reminds you of a mid-00s movie about a high school. The coeds are like animals milling about in groups with the odd single body rushing between with a mission stitched between their brows. 
You sit with your thermos of tea and try to focus on your schedule. You have a campus map from the Student Support Centre next to it, trying to map out your route for each day. Momma said you should try to get ahead, figure out where you’re going. She’s always right. 
You have two classes that day. As you find the buildings on the map, planting a finger on each, you find that they are on completely different ends of the campus. Of course. Well, momma didn’t know that where they would be, did she? She said you have to balance your load; if you’re going to be an English major, make sure you take some math and science for your electives. 
You circle the two buildings and put lets beside them denoting which day you need to be there, numbering them in the order the classes occur. A burst of laughter breaks your concentration and you look around, trying to find the source. You almost miss the calm isolation of your childhood living room. 
No, you’re grown now and you begged Momma to let you go to college. Not online, but in person. You even worked all summer at the deli so you could live in a dorm. She was proud but worried. She’s never been good at letting go. She’s already called three times today and it’s not even noon. 
As the crowd blurs around you, a sudden gust blows over the table as someone sits across from you. You stare back at them with a gasp. They must’ve mistaken you for someone else. You blink as the man tugs on the front of his letterman jacket and smiles. He doesn’t seem mistaken. 
“Hey,” he leans forward on an elbow, “you waitin’ for someone? Got some cute girlfriends on their way?” 
He’s so forward, he has your brows as high as they can go and your cheeks are on fire. It’s not much of an introduction. 
“Excuse me?” You eke out. 
“Ah, I’m sorry, hon, I’m getting ahead of myself,” he smirks as he crosses both his arms on the table. “I’m Colin. You looked lonely.” 
“Oh, uh, I’m just... figuring out my schedule,” you utter dumbly. Yor brain isn’t clicking. Why is he talking to you? 
Your ears tweak and you notice a group in similar jackets, sitting just across the dining area, gabbing loudly, snickering. You wonder why he isn’t over there with them. You wiggle your pen anxiously. 
“Ah, you’re not gonna give me a name for that pretty face?” He says. 
“Huh?” Your brows drop, “what?” 
Your momma’s voice echoes in your head. ‘Be careful of those college boys. They only want one thing.’ You didn’t believe her. They don’t want that from you. You were sure once you saw the other girls in their tight leggings and short tops. 
“Your name, baby? Gotta be something sweet, huh?” 
Your face ripples as you wade through surprise, confusion, then something else. You’re almost giddy. This man, with his mussed blond hair and bright blue eyes, and his chiseled features, is asking you your name. It’s flattering. 
“Mauve,” you can’t help but smile as you answer. 
“Oh, yeah? That’s pretty, well, Mauve,” he takes out his phone, “me and my buddies are having a party tonight and we’re supposed to find a hottie to bring with us. I’m having no luck but if I show up alone, well... I might not get to stay in the frat. You get it?” 
You stare at him. You're confused. You don’t really understand frats and whatnot. They just seem like clubs people join so they can drink. 
“You wanna do me a favour? Come with me?” He asks. 
He’s bold. Bolder than any one you’ve ever met. You sputter but can’t come up with any words. 
“Please,” he pouts, “promise, I won’t try anything, I just gotta get these guys off my back.” 
He looks over his shoulder at the table of rowdy guys. You squirm in your seat, uncertain. You’ve never been to a party. Wow. 
“Here, I’ll get your number,” he taps on his phone screen, “I’ll send you the details--” 
“Leave her alone,” a grizzly voice undercuts the frat across from you. 
A thick man stands behind him. He has a cardboard cup in his hand as he glares down at the coed. His burly figure is swathed in a dark green sweater and grey slacks. He’s older and his dark curls are threaded with subtle twinkles of silver. 
“Huh? Who the hell are you?” 
“Why don’t you show her those pictures you were snapping of her? The ones you and your pals were laughing about?” The other man growls.  
You frown. What? You don’t understand what’s going on. You look from one to the other. The younger man sat across from your sighs and rolls his eyes. 
“Fuck it. Whatever. Lots of pigs to go around,” he shakes his head and stands, facing the other man. “You know, bro, just cause you’re too old to get with any ass around here, doesn’t mean you gotta ruin it for others.” 
“Get out of here,” the thicker man snarls. The other winces just slightly before puffing up his chest and stomping away. 
You remain as you are, aghast and lost. The man with the dark curls looks at you. You shrug at him. 
“I’m sorry, sir, did I do something wrong?” You ask. 
The harsh angles of his scowl ease and he lets out a long breath, “uh, no, not you. That boy, you know, any one that wears one of those jackets, they’re no good. Just some advice.” 
“Oh, right,” you look over at that guy, Colin, “sorry, I didn’t know. He just started talking to me. I was being polite.” 
“Seem like a nice girl. Just tryna look out for you.” 
“Yeah, thanks,” you chew your lip and sniff. “Are you... are you teacher?” 
“I’m a professor,” he confirms as he holds his cup close to his chest. He's one of the biggest men you’ve ever seen. And his eyes are as blue as the ocean. “Professor Marshall but unless you’re a psych student, you can call me Walter.” 
“Walter? My neighbour is Walter. At home. He’s eighty-one and he collects baseball cards,” you let yourself smile. You always felt more comfortable around older people. You never had many friends your own age. 
“Don’t mind some baseball myself,” he dips his chin. “Well, you look out for yourself and avoid the Greeks.” 
“Greeks?” You make a face. 
“Fraternities,” he says. “And sororities, if you can help it.” 
“Oh, okay. Thank you, sir,” you feel a little better. You think he’s right and he is a professor. He would know. “I’ll do that.” 
“Sir? It’s Walter,” he corrects you. 
“Oh, sorry, Walter,” you smile. “I’m Mauve.” 
He nods and shifts his cup, “Mauve,” he repeats, “well, nice to meet you.” 
“You too, sir, er, Walter. Thank you,” you say. 
He hesitates then steps back on his heel, “yeah, no problem.” 
He slowly retreats and you watch him, your heart playing like a drum. You did it. You spoke to strangers and you didn’t melt. Things are getting easier. If you could get through that, you’re sure you’ll make lots of friends in your classes. 
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cdragons ¡ 3 months ago
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hiii i see you lurking :3 miss u love u muah muah muah!!!!
I don't know what you're talking about, my love O//W//O, but please enjoy this little drabble dedicated to another one of our brainchild. Happy 1K followers, my love! It's been so wonderful to see how much your blog has grown and it brings me so much joy to know that others see what an incredible writer you are.
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"It's not fair!" Sansa insisted to her parents, stomping one foot on the stone floor, emphasizing her anger and ire. "Birdy is MY friend, not Robb's! He can't keep trying to steal her!"
"She's not an actual bird, sister," Robb quipped back, annoyed that his younger sister was making such a pointless fuss. "And I wasn't stealing. We were simply talking."
Lord Eddard Stark was exhausted after a long day of acting as the high lords of his ancestral home. The last thing he had expected was his solar to be barged in by his eldest daughter, demanding that his eldest son and her older trueborn brother be barred from speaking from her favorite handmaiden. However, it seemed that dealing with Robb was going to be as much as a dread, if not more than Sansa, if his tense shoulders and scowl were anything to go by.
It wasn't that Ned Stark wasn't grateful for your presence, however strange the circumstances of your arrival were. It was highly unusual for a bastard of a noble to come to be the handmaid of a highborn lord's daughter such as Sansa, even more so when your sire was none other than Roose Bolton himself. Truly, he was shocked when Sansa begged him and his wife to promote you to such a high rank. But he couldn't deny how happy you've made his daughter.
"Look, Father!" she was beaming the other morning when she came down to the Great Hall to break fast with the family. "Do you notice anything different today?" Now, Ned loved all his children, but he was the first to admit that he was as ill-informed as any other man regarding matters of women and young girls. However, looking up from his plate, he was surprised to indeed have noticed something different about his daughter's appearance today. "You've done something with your hair," he replied, inwardly delighted with himself from how Sansa smiled wider. "It looks lovely, dear." "Isn't it beautiful? Birdy brushed and braided it for me!" Sansa went to her seat. "She found wild blue roses the other day and thought of braiding them into my hair today!" "It looks wonderful, Sansa," Catelyn Stark nodded. Despite her distaste for her husband's decision to take in Roose Bolton's bastard, she couldn't deny that the girl was good at her work. "Birdy said she could go to the market at Winter Town tomorrow. But she said that she'd wait until after my lessons with Septa Mordane if I wanted to come with her," Sansa looked at her parents with pleading eyes. "May I please go?" Catelyn nodded, "Robb, would you mind escorting your sister and Lady Snow to the marketplace later after your lessons with Rodrick?" Sansa spoke for her brother. "There's no need for Robb to join us. Birdy already asked Jon to do it." "I'll go," Robb interjected, ecstatic with glee at the idea of walking around town with you. He looked back to see your reaction. As usual, you weren't paying attention to anyone and lost in your little world. You seemed to be talking to a new bird today, the little creature cheerily twittering into your ear. Robb spent the rest of the meal lost in his daytime dreams of you, utterly oblivious to the growing irritation of his younger sister.
Sansa pouted and crossed her arms, "You already have Jon, and Theon follows you everywhere! Why do you need to talk to Birdy for anything anyway? She doesn't like to talk about swords or hunting..." She turned to their father. "He even went so far as to pull her into a corner after we broke fast!"
"WHA-!" Robb balked, and the tips of his ears went red. "I did NOT--!"
"Robb," their father, Ned Stark, turned to his son with stern eyes. While Ned was confident that Robb knew better than to act so dishonorably, he wasn't blind to how quickly his eldest son and heir had taken to Sansa's new handmaiden. "Is what your sister speaks true?"
Robb rubbed his eyes and loudly sighed out his frustration. He loved his sister as much as anyone else in his family, but gods above, she could be so much. Really, how can you ever manage to keep your patience with such a tiresome girl he'll never understand?
"No," he firmly replied. "I was merely informing her that I would be joining Jon in escorting her and Sansa to the market."
"I already told you that you don't have to come!" Sansa growled. "Every time Birdy and I talk, you have to come in and interrupt!"
"You spend so much time together. Have you ever considered that perhaps I'm rescuing her from you?" Robb muttered, just low enough for his sister to hear but not his father.
"I heard that, Robb," their father grumbled. Ned looked like he had aged ten years since his children came in and interrupted his peace. "Sansa, you know better than to falsely accuse your brother like that. Robb, please refrain from any impulsive actions. As the next Lord of Winterfell, you need to remember your differing stations."
"Yes, Father," the siblings grumbled in unison. But anyone could tell that this issue was far from over.
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"Honestly...! Robb can be so annoying!" Sansa and you have just returned from the market stand with your favorite spinner. What should have been a relaxing walk turned out to be a tiresome activity with the addition of not one but both of her older brothers. "He always has to put his nose into everything!" She waited for you to agree, but you were silent. Turning to look at you, her frustration grew when she realized you weren't paying attention. "Are you even listening to me?"
You finally looked up from your knitting and impassively blinked. "Not really...why? Was it important?"
Sansa sighed before sitting beside you. You and her were sitting underneath the Weirwood Tree, your favorite spot in the Godswood. "As your lady, everything I say to you is important. You're my handmaid; you should know this..."
You dispassionately shrugged. "I'm still not very familiar with the ways of highborn nobles."
Sansa indignantly huffed before pouting. You gave a small smile before going back to your knitting.
“Who do you like better, me or Robb?”
You look at her lady in surprise and confusion. “Your brother? Lord Stark’s firstborn?”
Sansa nods. “Yes, now tell me, do you like me or him better?”
You cocks your head to the side. “Why would that matter, my lady?”
“Because it does!” Sansa rolls her eyes. "He's always interrupting us and trying to flirt with you!"
You carefully think about it. You hadn’t really spent much time with Lord Robb. You're more likely to play with the little ones or Jon, which is common ground for both of you being bastards. In the beginning, Robb tended to avoid you whenever he could. But now he tends to single you out whenever he sees you and his sister talking. “Your brother has been very kind to me. He is certainly very nice. But I haven’t spent much time with him to know. When he does try to talk to me, I find it sometimes difficult to talk with him.”
Sansa’s eyes widen. “He hasn’t been rude to you like Theon, has he?” She shook her head.
“No, just…hard to talk. Not much to say from me to him I suppose.”
“Is that how it is with me?”
You turn to Sansa. “No, I find it very easy to talk to you, my lady. You are very different from me, but I like our discussions very much.”
Each word you spoke was true. Many would consider your Lady Sansa, a silly little girl who believed in too many stories about pretty princes and great heroes. But you knew true evil - you were born from it and was raised with it looming over your shoulder for your entire life. Snasa may have been naive, but she was a kind girl who still saw the beauty in her world. A beauty you couldn't see, but could appreciate.
You and her were very different, but you enjoyed spending time with her. It was apparent she was very proud of her noble birth, but you never felt uncomfortable. In fact, you felt as relaxed with her as you do with Maester Luwin, going so far as to speak informally with her without any other company.
Sansa smiles and hugs you. “I think so, too. So you do like me more than Robb.”
You think and nod. “Yes, I am very confident to say that is the case.”
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Jon loved Robb - really, he did. But gods above, his brother could be a brat. "Future lords aren't supposed to sulk."
Robb growled, "I am not sulking."
"Pouting, then..." Jon muttered, going back to aim his arrow at the target. But the arrow flew over the wall when a stray snowball hit his head. Jon turned to his brother, annoyed. "If you want to get to know her so bad, why don't you talk to her without Sansa? You might stand a better chance than just pining after her all day."
"I am not - oh, fuck off," Robb went back to hacking the straw dummy before him. He didn't want to admit it, but Jon was right. It didn't take a genius to guess that his terrible mood had little to do with training and more to do with the fact he failed in his chance to get you alone...again. "Why does she have to be around Birdy all the time, anyway?"
"...Because she's her lady...?"
Robb wanted to scream, "Yeah, but - y'know...doesn't ever annoy you?"
Jon shook his head. Truthfully, it wasn't long ago that his relationship with his half-sister was very different. Before you arrived at Winterfell, the way Sansa treated him was barely better than Lady Stark. She neither acknowledged his presence nor ever referred to him as her brother. But ever since your arrival, the icy wall that separated began to slowly thaw. After befriending you, Sansa gained a whole different perspective on bastardy and was more thoughtful and considerate of how she treated Jon. She even gave him a handkerchief with an embroidered direwolf for his name-day gift.
Jon doubted he and Sansa would ever be as close as he and Ayra, but they were making progress.
Robb wiped the sweat pooling on his forehead. "What would I even talk about with her?"
Jon had the nerve to act oblivious. "Why're you asking me?"
Robb's curse nearly spewed out, "You know why. You're the only one she likes talking to... what the hell do the two of you even talk about for so long?"
"I dunno," Jon shrugged. He knew he wasn't being particularly helpful, but he really didn't have an answer. "Look, just talk to her about anything. Better than what you do now..."
"What are you two talking about?"
Robb and Jon turned around in a panic. There you were, standing in the courtyard with your infamous impassive stare. It was painful to see how effortlessly beautiful you were. You stood like a true beacon of Northern beauty, so much so that all the animals inside the keep craved your company. Robb couldn't recall the number of times he found you cheerily conversing with rats from the kitchen or the crows in the rook.
What he would give to have you speak with him with such eagerness...
"Nothing of importance, my lady," he tried to act as normal as possible. "Why? Do you need assistance with anything?"
You shook your head. "I just wanted to drop something off, " you said, digging into your pouch. You pulled out a package wrapped in a burlap sack and twine. "I mended your gloves. They were looking a bit frayed, so I stitched them. They should last a bit longer now."
Robb didn't respond. He just stood and stared like an idiot who had forgotten his own name. It wasn't until Jon jabbed into his side with his elbow that he thanked you for your help.
"Thank you, my lady," He cleared his throat before taking the package from your hands. He opened the package and wasn't surprised in the least at how his old gloves looked better than when he first got them. You always had that magic touch. "They smell different."
You nodded, "Yes, Ayra mentioned that you were upset last week because I didn't give you my favor since I promised to give it to Jon. She also said you stink after training, so I should ensure the gloves mask the odor." When he didn't react, you decided to provide further clarification. "She said it would help you."
"I'm going to kill Arya," Robb thought to himself. He could see Jon's shoulder shake with laughter from the corner of his eye.
You bowed to take your leave. "Now, excuse me, my lords. I must attend to Edwina."
"A fellow maid?"
"No, the duck in the stable. She's pregnant, and I knitted a scarf for her."
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Happy 1K, my love!
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landossnorriss ¡ 4 months ago
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back to life | lando x older!she
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Pairing: lando x older!she. Summary: with a new job on the line and a new adventure on her own for the very first time, she can't afford to risk putting a foot step wrong. it's a shame the younger f1 driver is used to living his life at 200 miles per hour and he's not afraid to pull her along for the ride. Word Count: 2.4ishk Warning: nothing yet... AN: this was going to be a one shot but i think we're looking more around 3-4 parts? i get word vomit and i simply can't stop myself. my intention with this script will be to keep her as non-descript as possible so that people can self insert at their own indulgence, the only thing is she's older than our fave number four. all the older!reader credit inspo goes to the lovely @coff33andb00ks <3
There was a high chance she was going to be sick. Why she had thought that she was ready to be in this position she didn’t know. The Mclaren account was not one that anyone wanted to mess with and at 29 she was officially the youngest person to manage it for Ashurst. Yep, she was going to throw up. When the promotion opportunity had come up she had thrown her hat in the ring for the experience, to test herself and see if she could make it through the interviews for such a role. She had prepped the best she could and told herself any feedback she got would just serve her for when she was well and truly ready to take on an account as large as this one. 
It was a good job she had been sitting down when the call had come through to join her boss in the office and celebrate the good news they had to offer her. The job would require a team she knew that, there was no way that she would be able to do it all on her own and the next stages would be deciding on any changes she needed to make and working on the team that would represent Ashurst for Mclaren but it was her name on the door, her choices that would make all the difference. Her say would always be the final one and she was ready to crumble at any given moment at the weight of it all on her shoulders. Impostor syndrome was being a real bitch right now. 
This morning she had been so sure that she could manage it, the meetings that she had held so far over Teams and Zoom had all gone swimmingly. Zak was charming and easy to work with, her team seemed to respect her despite the fact she was younger than at least half of them but all the confidence she had managed to muster that she could do this, seemed to leave her as she headed into the Mclaren center for the first time. She had been on a visit just once before, as nothing more than a fan before but now as she felt eyes on her the shirt she had made sure was pristine this morning suddenly didn’t feel smart enough, the click of her heels was too much and she was ready for throwing up all over again. 
Today likely hadn’t been the smartest day for her to be introduced to the key players in the game given how overwhelmed she had felt about the account already, but Zak had been insistent. Everyone would be on sight today and it would give her a chance to say hi before everyone vanished for the summer break she knew the team needed. Thank god as the team’s lawyer she wouldn’t be required to travel around with them all that often and most of her work could be done from home. She would miss her bed far too much to be away as often as the rest of the team were. Zak hadn’t been lying either, when he had said that everyone was here and she had given up trying to count the sea of people from where she was tucked into the center waiting for the stars of the show to arrive. 
She had never met either driver despite her time working with the team previously and she would keep her excitement over the matter buried deep. There would be no fawning and swooning, no acting star struck. She was a professional, a damn weapon in her field and she would be respected as a perfectly good lawyer, there was nothing and no one that would take her determination to smash everything about this promotion. 
Certainly not the green eyed driver currently climbing from his car as the rest of the team cheered for them. She had seen him plenty on the TV and always thought he was handsome, even if he was younger than her, but seeing him in person? Good god she needed to get it together. Day one, it was only day one in the damn office. There was no room to be mesmerized as Lando spoke to the crowds, taunted his team mate and generally seemed to be the center of attention in the room despite the fact there were two papaya boys in the room. This was his home, that much was obvious and these were his people. It filled her chest with an odd sense of pride that these were the groups of people she would be protecting and keeping in line, even from the background. 
For his part, Lando wasn’t doing much better at keeping his attention where it needed to be. He’d seen her as soon as he had stepped out of the car, eyes on the woman that stood just behind Zak. In her business-like attire she stood out like a sore thumb in the swarms of papaya and he didn’t mind it one bit. He’d never seen such a pretty face in this damn factory and before he could stop himself he let his eyes trail over her frame, she was older, not by much he assumed but just enough and were it not for the nudge in his side from Oscar he might have continued to stare at her. Who the hell was she? The question had continued to taunt him through the rest of the afternoon as he mingled, took so many photos and smiled so much his face hurt but his eyes had always managed to stray back to her. She had stuck by Zak’s side for most of the afternoon and he felt a flare of something unusual for him, even though it was obvious Zak was introducing her to people. 
“If you don’t stop staring at her, she’s going to get a restraining order against you before you’ve even met.” Oscar warned with another jab of his elbow into Landos side, the shorter driver whipping his head back to the younger with a scowl. 
“I’m not staring…just - who is she?” He found himself asking and he was unable to hide the tone his question held. 
“New team lawyer, or account manager I heard, she works for Ashurst but is our contact.” 
Lando frowned once more at the aussie before his green eyes inevitably found themselves looking for her again, desperate to trace over every curve hidden in that pencil skirt. How did Oscar always know everything first and more importantly how did he make that skirt a part of her everyday uniform? Despite everything that had gone on in the season so far, he had still been looking forward to the summer break celebrations and being back at the MTC. It always filled him with some sense of pride but any thoughts of team celebrations were now tucked firmly at the back of his mind because he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate if he didn’t find a way to be introduced to her soon. 
“What’s her – “
“Lando, Oscar, you got a second?” Zak called as he finally made his way to his driver pairing, a nervous lawyer in tow with him. 
Oscar could only roll his eyes at the expression that had formed on Lando’s face, that boy had never been able to hide anything a day in his life. Zak, squinting at his older driver, stopped allowing her past as they came to a stop in front of the boys. “Boys, this is our new lawyer from Ashurst, she comes with glowing recommendations and she is going to be around more and more so I expect you to be nice.” He offered with a beaming smile as Oscar stepped in first, given the frozen state of Lando, hand held out to the pretty lawyer. She was Lando’s type for sure. “Hi I’m Oscar, or Osc according to this guy, nice to meet you.” Turning his gaze between her and Lando he paused for just a second, the appreciation apparently mutual, before he gave a small cough as Zak was already busy calling someone else over. “And this here is Lando…he’s not a mute I swear.” 
She couldn’t help but smile at Oscar for just a moment, a flush on her cheeks as she noted the sarcasm in his tone before her soft gaze returned to Lando. First of all, where was his mother so she could thank her for his creation, and what the hell was he wearing because he smelt incredible. Holding out her hand to the older of the two men she waited for a moment before she felt his rougher hand slip into her own. “Right - I’m Lando, welcome aboard.” God could he sound any more awkward if he tried?
Luckily for both of them, Zak slapped a hand on Landos back, reinserting himself into the moment. “All introduced? I’ve invited our new lovely lawyer to the team dinner tonight when there are a few less of us so we can all get to know each other. How does that sound?” He beamed as he looked between everyone, a little slow on the uptake. 
“Yes, yes!” Lando beamed, god he knew he loved Zak for a reason. “I think that’s a great idea you should come with us!” 
“Oh I don’t want to intrude and I don’t, I don’t actually drive, where is the dinner tonight?” She flushed furiously at the idea she worked for a company like Mclaren now and still couldn’t drive. It simply wasn’t her fault that the clutch hated her. 
Lando, oblivious to the looks Oscar and now Zak were giving him, was already beaming with ideas forming in his head. Hot older woman, he could drive, a practical date. Win, win, win. Before Zak could even offer her a car Lando was already stepping closer to her. “I can pick you up, don't worry, it will do you good to arrive with a friend, arriving on your own might be a lot.” 
“Oh no Lando, you really don’t have to.” 
“Please.” The young driver scoffed with a wave of his hand. “Is that your phone, I’ll put my number in.” 
Feeling the blush she wore deepend she nodded, handing over her phone to the driver. He was being sweet, that was all she told herself because there was no way in hell it was anything more. He was, god he was gorgeous and she had seen the women he went for, younger, tiny, famous. She didn’t fit a single piece of his usual type, likely just an inch shorter than him in the heels she wore, her hips wider than most women cared for and five years older than him. 
“There you go, text me your address and I’ll pick you up at six thirty?” He offered, full charm in swing as he looked back at her. She was pretty from afar, but upclose? Lando just wanted to count each of her freckles and bumble over his words as he tried to flatter her. 
She needed a moment to compose herself and recenter, she had been flirted with before, she was pretty she knew that, but the men had never been, well fucking Lando Norris and big red flags that she was not allowed to flirt with in return. “Thank you, Mr Norris, I’m just going to go find the bathroom I’ll text you my address for later.” Maybe, she might still pull out if she could think of a good enough reason to do so. With the most awkward wave she could muster she found herself spinning on her heels, a string of curses sounding in her head as she tried to look calm whilst she was scurrying away to any form of locked bathroom door she could find for a very real mental breakdown. This was bad, this was very, very bad. 
Watching as she left Lando was pretty sure he let out an audible sigh. God what a fucking woman. Only the cough behind him brought him back to his current surroundings and he spun to face the questioning gaze of his boss and amusement of his teammate. “You’re not fucking the new lawyer.” Zak confronted boldly, that would be a can of worms he did not want to deal with. “End of, drive her to dinner, play nice, be ready to never be allowed to be alone with her ever again.” 
Lando wanted to protest straight away, that wasn’t fair, they couldn’t dangle something so sweet in front of him like that and then tell him that he wasn’t allowed to have it! Opening his mouth to protest Lando was met with a strong shake of his head as Zak took his leave, Oscar still fighting back laughter at the whole situation. “You’re so, so screwed mate. So screwed.”
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