#i appreciate the sentiment

[minuseyes]

I’m sure your blood tastes divine. I would only drink your blood and have no interest in that musical fan’s rotten blood.

my muse is the only one for me. even if she refused to use me at all, I would be there bending at her whim. She's greater than anyone I've ever known and I'm nothing if not a dog. x

[stonerbellybabe]

We miss you so much!

It has been five days since my last post lol

[flareboi]

anon i saw your asks i am not mad at you (i'm not answering because i wouldn't like to put your personal apology out there, that's not the my entire followerbase's business). i was just concerned for you. you're fine

[sunset-sunbun]

*lingers in your inbox*

hhhwhe s-sonic???

[nami-moittli]

My parents got back from a week long trip today, and one of the souvenirs they got me was volume one of Lore Olympus 💀💀💀💀

[howlsofbloodhounds]

if you receive this, you make somebody happy! go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. if you get one back, even better! 💙💙💙

💜 💜 yippee!! /gen (I don’t know how to react to things like this I’m sorry.)

[korperlos]

I really want to give you a hug.

that's sweet of you, stranger

[cowardlycowboys]

You are very pretty from all the angles

thank you I appreciate it

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so my mom mentioned to my brother that i didnt have the best of times at pride the other day because like people were at least 2½hrs late so i was just kinda sat there alone for a long time.

and my brother has told me that next year, hell go to pride with me and hell get his best mate to go too, and is he trying to tell me something? are one of them, or both of them queer? or is it just aggressive allyship? i cannot tell.

[angelnumber27]

I honestly think that as long as you try to be the best person you can be things will work out. Even when everything sucks it will eventually get better and you won't even remember the bad times

I do try to be the best person I can given the circumstances.

I’m trying

And I’m not going to just forget all the awful things that have happened to me. Lol.

[ultimate-destroyer-duel]

I gotta know,

how's my boy Error!sans doing?

also are things picking up since the last time I checked?

he was sitting at least 4 submissions last i remember.

[the-travelling-witch]

please dont delete yourself

omg no, i didn’t actually mean it ㅠㅠ

i say stuff like that all the time, so i don’t really notice it anymore but i’m not going to do anything like that

i’m just a little frustrated is all; it’s just a short drabble but i still spent hours on that, made new dividers etc, just for it not to show up in tags and therefore basically dying right out the gate, it just doesn’t feel very good; but i also didn’t want to post it without the art bc the artist also worked hard on it and it would make me feel a little icky to sweep that under the rug

thank you for caring though <3

[sc52]

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your followers (positivity is cool, so do it) 😎

[tailsbot98761]

haha! caught you red handed

[just-your-average-tangerine]

u said u understand inetellectually that ur not capable of being loved, but "intellectually" all that theorizing and shit is based on underlying assumptions.

''im not capable of being loved'' is an underlying assumption the primate that runs most of ur brain made. its not math or biology or shit really. the distinction between emotion and the frameworks we make is less blurry than people like to think.

You're not dealing with facts about yourself, you're dealing with your own feelings and being in a shitty situation. Give yourself time. Show yourself and that brain primate some love. Apollo you deserve it, and you will see love from the people around you also.

I meant intellectually more in the sense that I acknowledge it but don't know what to do with that information. I guess theoretically would have been a better word?

But to your point, it's not based on math or biology no, but it is based on experimentation. Coming up on 26 years of it. With me as a constant and variables of other people, and outside circumstances (life circumstances, how we met, what we 'bonded over', etc). And time and time again, people are only interested in me as far as I am useful to them. As a young kid I was useful as a dress up doll because I was raised by a butch lesbian single mother so I didnt know anything about makeup or hair so the girls could do whatever they wanted to me and I didn't know any better. As soon as I didn't like what they were doing or wanted to try something for myself, they didn't want me around anymore. Later in school, people were friends with me because I let them copy off me in class or did their homework for them, as soon as I stopped, I had no friends again. As an adult its been that I drive people around or buy them lunch or little gifts, or they just wanted another trans person around and as soon I wasn't the only other option I wasn't needed anymore. Even if you don't count the time before I started school, which is a perfectly reasonable portion of my life to exclude, even though my family doesn't care about me either, that's still over 20 years worth of the same results over and over again. I mean, I'm an actor, not a scientist but I think any experiment that shows that kind of consistency over that period of time is pretty clear.

I also know it's true due to observation. I know a lot of trans men, of all ages, and of all of them, only one has had a successful relationship, and that's with a woman. I'm gay so that's not really relevant to me. Of all the gay men I know, and I know a lot of gay men, none of them are interested in trans men (unless it's as a hookup they'll never tell anyone about).

I know that due to deductive reasoning. Communication is vital to any kind of relationship. I'm autistic. I can't do communication.

And honestly it doesn't really matter if, hypothetically, I am able to be loved. I currently have to navigate the world completely on my own, and that's not possible long term. I have no support system, and no one willing to help me. I lose my housing this summer, and I have nowhere to go. And because I don't have anyone, I have no way of fixing that. There is no holding out for better times without people to help you get there.

[nich0las-foster]

What's your new name? Would you ne more comfortable with me refering you with that new name or still Nicholas?

-🌌

that’s not what I meant. I’m still nicholas. I’ve always been nicholas.