#for example when we got an exam back or had to hold a presentation

[the-travelling-witch]

please dont delete yourself

omg no, i didn’t actually mean it ㅠㅠ

i say stuff like that all the time, so i don’t really notice it anymore but i’m not going to do anything like that

i’m just a little frustrated is all; it’s just a short drabble but i still spent hours on that, made new dividers etc, just for it not to show up in tags and therefore basically dying right out the gate, it just doesn’t feel very good; but i also didn’t want to post it without the art bc the artist also worked hard on it and it would make me feel a little icky to sweep that under the rug

thank you for caring though <3

[rewh0re]

PATIENCE ; NANAMI KENTO

—wc: 1.9k, angst, canon compliant, death, nanami is married (to you) and has a child (with you), implied female reader (mrs and mama used), fluffy in the beginning dw, crying yuuji hmm that's it :D REBLOGS + FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED!!

—a/n: i have an exam and I'll prolly be posting it right before that so...yea lwk I wrote this cuz I was so fucking stressed but anyways enjoy:D

pic creds: pinterest

Patience.

Patience was never something you would say you were good at. You had always been a very impatient being since you were but a mere child. You would always tap your feet and whine while waiting for your food to be served as a child which often led to some disciplinary words from your parents. You would sit at the edge of your seat in movie halls, waiting impatiently for the climax of the movie. You could never hold your excitement when it came to receiving presents on events such as birthdays or christmas. You simply couldn't.

“Never lose patience, y/n. Great things always come to those who are patient enough to wait,” your father had once told you, holding your tender, childish hands softly in his. You had promised then to practice your patience.

Then came Nanami Kento. Nanami came into your life when you were almost done being patient with finding love. You had waited and waited and done nothing but waited to be loved and adored passionately, to be treated with gentleness and care and all the affection that the world could provide. For the longest time it felt like the universe did not want that for you. Men after men who you had held nothing but love for had left you stranded and lovelorn, a crying mess at three in the night with your romantic heart broken in pieces. Shattered even.

Then came the man who showed you what it was like to be loved unconditionally. Meeting the love of your life at a bakery was something you believed happened only in fiction. But it happened to you and after what felt like an eternity, you could say you felt grateful due to your patience. 

Nanami was a simple man. He worked a corporate job with a salary that got him by. He hated working overtime because it took away the time that he would rather spend lounging around with you in the comfort of your home. 

He later told you he was a jujutsu sorcerer and all you could take out from that conversation was that being a jujutsu sorcerer is a very difficult job. But he was strong—he told you—not the strongest, that title was held by his annoying senior but strong enough. You did not know if that comforted you but he came home every night. He came home to you and the moment he held you in his arms, all your worries dissipated into thin air.

He baked when he was anxious which you learnt quite late. For example, he baked cupcakes before he proposed marriage to you. You did not know the occasion that entailed the many cupcakes kept on your table with a very distressed Nanami at the table. It was only when he dropped the ring while asking you to marry him that you knew that under all his cool and poised persona, your Kento was quite clumsy. You said yes, ofcourse. The next incident you remember of your husband baking would be when you were going into labour. It was a chaotic scene, it was your due date, and Kento was immensely stressed. So, like any stressed person would do, he started baking a chocolate cake. And as endearing as it was, in the middle of it you went into labour and your husband was frantic. Well, at least your daughter came into the world that day and nothing could beat the relief and happiness that washed over Nanami’s face as he held the little sleeping baby in his arms.

“I love you. I love you so much and I love our little girl, no one else matters,” he rubbed the back of your hand as he kissed your forehead.

“We love you too. So much. Thank you for teaching me patience for it led me to you,” you beamed up at him and he smiled at you and that was all that mattered. Your family.

Thus, you learnt patience while being with Nanami. For once you held your father’s belief, that great things do happen to those who are patient enough to wait.

It was Halloween of 2018 when your patience was tested once again. Your daughter loved Halloween and she loved spending it with her father. For the two years that she had been on earth, she and your husband decorated your home with jack-o-lanterns and candles and streamers and what not. Your husband was a great storyteller with how he enraptured your daughter with his stories. 

It turned out your daughter inherited your trait of impatience for she could not wait for her father to return from his important work so that they could finally go trick or treating together.

You, on the other hand, were impatient for a different reason. You were worried. It was a vague call saying Kento was needed immediately at Shibuya due to urgent business. He denied relaying the exact cause of his dispersal but you were smart enough to understand that it was something related to the jujutsu world. The first sign of worry came when he didn't tell you the exact reason. 

“Where are you going, dada?” your daughter held Nanami’s leg, looking up at him with curious eyes.

“Dada has important work, baby. Celebrate with mama and then we three will watch anything you wish to when i return, okay?” he crouched down to her level, gently patting her head.

“Promise you will return soon?” your daughter held out her pinky, a toothless grin making its way on her face.

Hesitance was clear on your husband’s face as he gulped and did his best to smile. That was the second sign of worry.

Nanami linked his pinky with his little beam of sunshine, “I will try my best sweetheart.”

And that was all the reassurance your daughter needed as she ran back to her candy stash in the kitchen. It wasn't enough for you.

“Kento, will you be okay? I’m worried,” you held onto his wrist unable to look up.

You felt his finger on your chin tipping up your face as your teary eyes met his.

“I will try my best to finish this as soon as I can and return to you both,” he gently kissed your temple in a comforting manner but nothing about the situation felt even remotely comforting.

“Promise me you will come home safe Kento,” you touched your forehead to his, looking him in his eyes.

“I have never lied to you and I never will y/n. I cannot make a promise whose surety I cannot guarantee. I love you and I love our daughter and I will try my best to return home to the both of you,” he whispered and you wanted to understand his situation, but you were scared.

“Do you absolutely have to go?” the tears fell from your eyes as he engulfed you in the tightest hug. 

That was the longest he had hugged you and it felt like all his being was screaming that no, he did not want to go but duty calls. You hugged him back just as tightly and the finality of it all did not sit right with you. 

Then with whispered declarations of love from the both of you, he left for his job and it was just you and your daughter.

The third sign of worry washed over you when it was well past eleven at night. You put your daughter to bed amidst her constant crying and whining for Kento and your comforting whispers saying he will return. You could not help but sit at the kitchen, your fingers tapping the marble kitchen island in an impatient manner. Your eyes kept averting to the clock. When would he come back? Your daughter’s soft snores filled the silence along with the clock’s frantic ticking. It was dreadful, nothing about this silence screamed peace. You just wanted your husband to come home and complete your family.

And then the doorbell rang. A sharp ring that echoed throughout the house and for a second relief washed over your body. Kento was home. He returned home. To your daughter. To you. You almost tripped as you ran to open the door.

“Kento it's so late you had me worri—” it was not Kento. Looking at you from the other side of the door was Yuuji. A very bruised and battered Yuuji. His pink hair was a mess with dirt and blood stuck on it. There was a big gash on his face and his clothes were bloodied. 

“Yuuji what…what happened? Are you alright dear? Come in let me clean the wound,” you gently held the boy’s hand and he could not meet your eyes. His lips wobbly and hand limp in your hold.

“Yuuji, is everything alright?” Is Kento alright? That's what you wanted to ask.

“Mrs. Nanami, I am so sorry,” the boy sniffed.

“Is Kento…” you could not say it, saying it would give it a shape, a form, the truth is always a hard pill to swallow.

“I am sorry. He…he wanted you to know that he loves you and your daughter more than anything in the world. It's my fault, I am so sorry. I was useless. I could not save him,” you could not cry in front of a boy who was clearly breaking apart. You could not do it.

It was difficult to process, everything felt unreal. You hoped, wished for Kento to come and say it was just a silly prank and Yuuji agreed to go with it. But none of that happened. It was just you and a broken teenager standing in front of you blaming himself for something that was not his fault. You could not cry. Not now.

So you took the boy in your arms. You hugged Yuuji tightly and gently stroked his hair.

“Thank you for telling me Yuuji. I may not understand much about his work but he loved you. So much. As do I. And as does our daughter. I know none of it was your fault and you must not blame yourself for it, Kento would not want you to. You are just a boy, it will never be your fault. Just know he was proud of you, so am I. Thank you for relaying the news, sweet child,” you kissed his temple and looked him in the eye, a watery smile on your lips.

Nanami and you were parental figures to Yuuji and the last thing you would want was for the boy to blame himself for the inevitable.

You knew you would break once Yuuji left, you would cry in the home you had built and god you did not even want to think about your daughter’s reaction to the news. She was a daddy’s girl after all. But right now you needed to make sure the boy in front of you was okay, he had to go fight again and save the jujutsu world, you could not lose him too. 

So you hugged Yuuji and let a few tears escape your eyes as he sobbed in your arms. You both needed each other. You allowed yourself a moment of company before you would be left alone again, sobbing and breaking at the thought of your husband not coming home. Before you had to tell your daughter and witness her tears and loneliness.

This time patience did not bring something great. This time, patience snatched away the one thing that mattered the most to you.

[shiny-jr]

Is Grimm going to be in the fairytale au? And if so is it he gonna be like a Side kick for Mc?

I believe I answered this before, but Grim will not be present. If MC is technically already the sidekick, it'd be a little strange for the sidekick to have a sidekick. Especially since he wouldn't really have a role while MC does. Anyways, I'm gonna be studying like crazy these next few days, but I plan on sacrificing an hour or two of sleep for writing time. Last night I managed to get out of that little writers block, and I wrote like two whole pages for Riddle's result. So it's currently at around nineteen pages. Just to be clear, each of the guys will have some sort of relationship with MC. I won't say what yet, but I want to make them all distinct and unique, you know? So technically while the result will be labeled for the dorm leader, the MC will have a scene with each character from the dorm. It will play out in a sequence of events in the plot.

So for example, I just finished writing Ace's part last night. He'll have a scene in the beginning with the MC. Then I started writing Deuce's part. And later I'll get to Riddle's part, which will be towards the end. With Cater and Trey being more towards the middle.

I think I want each result to be around thirty pages, so in all with all seven results, you can expect over a little about 210 pages plus the questions. That's why I said this project will take time, but I will have time off after my exams so hopefully then I can get a lot more done. I have no idea when this will be complete, but hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

Anyways, here's a sneak peek at Heartslabyul's result because I literally have no restraint and should not be showing this much so early yet here we are.

Abruptly the doors flew open, nearly causing you to shriek. But you managed to hold your tongue as you quickly placed your crown back on and clutched your staff. When your eyes focused on the door, you were surprised and almost relieved to see the figure of a short young man that had slammed the doors open. He was... rather adorable, actually. It caused you to tilt your head, endeared by his appearance.  The young man had hair that shamed the red roses, and wide gray eyes. As soon as his eyes landed on you, however, his face grew flush and his expression twisted into one of rage. Immediately he slammed the doors shut behind him, stomping up to you, his heels violently clicking against the tiled floors. When the short young man was in your face, another horrible realization dawned on you. With that crown on his head and his wondrous red garbs, this could only be the queen. Or at least, someone meant to be the red queen.  “You knave! Where have you been lurking?!”  “I…” You were at a loss for words. What were you supposed to say? What was the king even doing before you got here? Most importantly, how would you avoid this queen’s wrath?  At your lack of a response, he only seemed to grow more frustrated as he threw wild accusations, “You–– You’ve been sneaking about, seducing the men of my court, haven’t you?! I shall have your head––!”  “Wha–– N-No, I haven’t!” You blurted out. The king was originally beheaded because the queen was jealous and thought she would lose him to others. So if you could assure him that your heart belonged to him, well… survival just might be possible. Although acting wasn’t necessarily your strong point, you could only try for the sake of living another day. Nervously you smiled, throwing aside your staff as you lifted your hands to gently hold his fist he had been angrily waving near your face. Thank god he didn’t have a knife or anything of the sort, or you feared he may have tried to stab you out of raging envy. “H-How could I ever dare to throw my loyalty to you away…? You are amazing…! I apologize sincerely if I haven’t been able to express my love for you properly. Sometimes it feels like you’re really too much for my heart to handle, you in all your… glory…!” Oh god, this was going terribly. All you could do to give the messy act a bow to top it off, was lean your head down and hesitantly kiss the back of his hand.  Miraculously, that seemed to work. Almost. The queen’s face was no longer as flushed, but his gray eyes gazed down at you through his lashes as you lingered at his hand. Suspicion was still evident in his eyes. “How do I know?”  “H-Huh…?”   “How do I know you aren’t lying? How do I know you won’t leave me as well? How do I know that you still love me? Prove it to me.” Those gray eyes of his watched you carefully, seemingly unhappy with your lack of a response. After about five seconds of no answer, his face scrunched up and he bellowed, “Guards!! Gua–– mmph!”

[crazyunsexycool]

The Sun ☀️, The Moon 🌙 & The Stars ✨

Chapter 6: Sunny Days

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Bucky x Fem Reader, Steve x Fem Reader, Steve x Bucky, Stucky x Fem Reader, Stucky, SamBucky, SamSteve, SamBucky x Reader, SamSteve x Reader.

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: mentions of past physical abuse towards reader, bad parents, talk of having pups, SAM WILSON he's a warning ok, fluff, kissing, heavy petting cut short.

A/N: Here it finally is, reader's first official date with Sam. I really got stuck on this chapter but I hope you like it.!

Series masterlist

Ch. 5

“I’m sorry darling.” 

“It’s ok Bucky, I get it. You have a job to do.” You say as you play with the star charm on your necklace while keeping your eyes on Jules in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. 

“I’ll make it up to you once I’m back, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it. Please be safe.”

“I will, I’ll see you in a couple of days.” He says before hanging up the phone.

You place your phone in the back pocket of your jeans and head back inside just in time to hear your name being called.

“Well Y/N everything is looking good.” The doctor says after removing your cast and having you flex your fingers and move your wrist. “With some physical therapy you should be able to have full use. I'm going to refer you to a physical therapist and prescribe some painkillers. You can expect some swelling to occur as well as some stiffness and pain. If you don’t see any improvement in about 2 weeks please come back. Do you have any questions?”

“No, thank you Dr. Connors.”

“Alright well I’ll be right back.” He exits the room while you sit with Jules in the exam room. 

“So what did Bucky say?” She asks as she eyes you curiously.

“Nothing much. He had to change our plans for Friday night because he was pulled for a mission.” You answer as you look at your newly free hand and flex your fingers.

“Oh, is it hard for you to deal with?”

“No, well I mean kind of. It’s not like we’re bonded but still I miss them.”

“Well you’re true mates so it’s to be expected. You can still create a bond without having their claim marks on you; it's just not as strong.” 

“I guess, there’s just a lot of things I didn’t know and a lot of people didn’t bother to teach me once I didn’t present that I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up. I’m trying though, I’ve been reading articles online and stuff.”

“Well, you have the rest of the day off so how about we grab lunch and then we can go shopping for some essentials.” Jules smiles brightly at you.

“What would I do without you?”

“Let’s never find out.”

After getting your prescription filled and grabbing lunch Jules takes you to some of her favorite stores that sell items specifically for omegas everything from blankets and essential oils to sex toys that could help during a heat. Some of the things Jules went over were important to know and others just sounded ridiculous.

“I’m serious. Everyone thinks alphas are in charge but that’s not true. If you have a good alpha, an omega is always in charge I promise.” 

“If you say so.” 

“You don’t believe me?” 

“Let’s just say I didn’t have good examples growing up and honestly you and Ricky are the first couple that I’ve really been friends with. I don’t have a lot to go on.” You shrug your shoulders before grabbing a blue blanket that reminded you of the color of Steve’s eyes. Jules smiled as she watched you run your hand over the blanket, feeling the softness of the material between your fingers, deciding if you should get it or not before putting it in your basket. 

“Have you thought about suppressants and birth control?” That question has you stopping in the middle of the aisle.

“Suppressants and birth control? I’ve never had to worry about those things before.” 

“Well it’s only something you should consider maybe for when they’re going to be away for a while. You said it yourself that missions could take days or weeks. And of course birth control until you figure out if or when you want pups. But that’s something you have to talk about with your alphas.” 

“Pups?” 

You hadn’t even thought of that and you really hadn’t even thought about the physical aspect of the relationship. Of course you wanted to be with them but at the same time you were worried that your lack of experience would be a turn off for them. It’s not that you’ve never slept with anyone, it's just that it had only been with one person, a beta, shortly after you moved out on your own when you turned 18. 

“What the fuck am I doing dating three alphas? And not only alphas but Avengers. What if I’m not good at being their omega?”

“Hey, It’s ok. There isn’t some cookie cutter way of being an omega. If we have good alphas, which we do, they will let us live freely.” Jules tries to calm you down. “And you don’t have to worry about pups, maybe they’ll want to wait anyway. But you have to talk to them. Remember you’re the omega you’re in control. ” 

“I’m in control.” You repeat to yourself. 

Jules dragged you to more stores. Giving you a rundown of the best pajamas to wear before your heat and she showed you her favorite things that she used for her nest. During all of this there was a little pang of anger and hurt beating in your chest. While you now understood that omegas had a tendency to come together and help each other, all of the things Jules was talking about should have been taught to you by your mother. 

After walking out of the hellhole that was your home when you were 18 you tried not to think about your family. You would like to think that your mother had been forced into that submissive role and that your father was using alpha commands to make her do the things she did but it simply wasn’t true. There had been plenty of nights where you woke up drenched in sweat and tears as the nightmares of your childhood plagued your mind. Memories in which she had willingly taken part in your torment. There was never an ounce of fear or regret when she pulled you out of bed and took you to your father for being an embarrassment to the family by not having a presentation. One of the many things they had taken from you. She would stand there and watch as your father hit you and degraded you and she would even join in sometimes. The longer you were away from the house that held nothing but pain, blood and tears the more you realized that not all alphas were the way your father was. That omegas could be just as fierce and protective over their pups, even more than any alpha. It also meant that they could be just as cruel as alphas and that was the first example you ever had.

“What’s wrong Y/N?” Jules’ soft soothing voice pulls you from your thoughts. You feel her hand on your cheek as she wipes away a tear. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just most of the things you’re telling me I should already know. My mother should have been the one to talk to me about these things.” you shrug. “Emotionally it’s a lot I guess. I wish things would have been different with her at least.” 

Jules hugs you, this was something else she was good at. Knowing when to either say or do something to sooth you. You wondered if you would ever be like that too. 

“Why don’t we go home? I think it’s enough of omega 101 for you.” 

“Ok.” And you let her lead you out of the store and back to her and Ricky’s apartment. It was a good thing since you didn’t want to be alone at the moment. 

The week had passed faster than you realized. The community center was busier than ever with families running around for the different activities that had been planned. You had gone to your first physical therapy appointment and met with Steve for lunch before he had to go train recruits. Bucky had been able to call during his mission and let you know he was ok although you could hear how tired he really was. Sam had also stopped by the center, asking you out on your first proper date.  

To say you were excited for the date was an understatement. Of course you had spent time with Sam, in fact you had spent more time with Sam than with Steve or Bucky but this was different. He had kept some distance the other times, he didn’t want you to feel like he was too much but in reality it wasn’t enough. This time you would make sure to get as close as possible. He didn’t give you much information about the date other than it would be outside. 

 By 10:00 am you’re dressed and putting on some finishing touches when you hear a knock on your door. His scent reaches you before you even open the door. There’s a smile on your face as you see Sam on the other side. 

“Hi Sunshine.” He says with a smile. His scent is intoxicating, the notes of citrus coming through and reflecting the excitement of finally going on a date. 

“Hi, please come in. I'm almost ready.” 

“These are for you.” 

Sam presents a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. His eyes light up as you look between him and the gifts with a shocked expression. 

“Sam you didn’t-”

“I wanted to so you are just going to have to get used to it.” he teases as you grab the flowers and the gift.

“I don’t know if I ever will.” 

You let him in and lead him into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. Sam is taking in your apartment, it’s cozy and warm, a smile appears on his face again. Your scent is everywhere of course and he could stay in here forever. He turns to look back at you just as you look into the gift bag, a small gasp leaves your lips. 

“Steve said you liked taking pictures when you went to the fair so I thought you could use this. Do you like it?” 

“Absolutely.” You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. In your hands you held a polaroid camera and in the bag there were some boxes of film. 

“Good. Now are you ready to go?”

You put on your shoes and grab your purse and the camera.

“Yes, I am.” 

You were ecstatic when Sam pulled up to the venue. It was a not too big music festival focusing on up and coming, and indie artists. With your new favorite band, that you had mentioned to him in passing, playing. Sam had a pleased smirk as he watched you all but sprint out of his car, stopping only to grab his hand and pull him along. Once you’re close enough to the entrance Sam slows down. 

“Give me the camera.” he says and you pull it from your purse and hand it over. The huge festival sign hangs above you. “Ok move over a little to your left… perfect. Smile for me.” He snaps the picture, the camera buzzing as the small rectangle appears on the side. 

“Two more.” You tell him as you grab the camera and take one of him, and then one together. You stand in line to get into the actual festival. Everyone around you was humming or singing and swaying along to the music that was being played through the speakers as the line moved along. Once you finally got in you took in the set up. 

There were booths set up with band merch as well as other items available that took up all of the left side of the area while the right side had food vendors and tables to sit. There were a few hundred people making their way in and some even did a double take as they recognized Sam. There were people handing out flyers for the band line up. As you made your way down you saw small areas that were used by other performers. There was also an area for what you assumed was a meet and greet. The stage itself was at the back. People were rushing to get back there to get a good spot. Sam took charge as he held your hand as he made his way through the crowd, finding a great spot near the front of the stage. He had his hand at the small of your back as he guided you to stand in front of him, so that you could see better and so that he could keep you safe. 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” you say over your shoulder as the lights on the stage begin to come to life. 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

You turn in his arms to look up at him. “Of course I do. This is amazing, thank you Sam.” you give him another kiss on the cheek as he gives you a blinding smile.

“It’s starting,” he says as the first band makes their way on stage. 

The day went by in a fun filled blur. You and Sam danced, laughed, joked and sang at the top of your lungs. More pictures were taken, you bought some band merch, you had a few drinks and food. Now you found yourself on the other side of the stage where an area had been kept empty so that blankets could be spread out. You sat between Sam’s legs and rested your back against his chest. The sun was setting behind the stage as the next band started their set.

“Are you having fun?” Sam asked as he wrapped his arms around you.

“So much fun, really. Thank you for this.”

“Anything for you, baby.” He says as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. You closed your eyes as you tilted your head to the side to give Sam more access. He kissed and nipped along your shoulder and ended where he would mark you as his. The thought alone sent a shiver up your spine which didn’t go unnoticed by the alpha that was currently turning you into putty in his hands. “Does the thought of having my mark excite you sunshine?” He whispered in your ear. 

“Mm-hmm.” You hum as you turn your head to look up at him. Sam kisses your jaw moving to your cheek until his lips meet yours. Your eyes flutter close as he deepens the kiss, tongues fight for dominance and hands roam in an effort to touch as much of each other as possible. When you pull back your both inhaling deeply while smiles appear on your kissed swollen lips. 

“What did I do to get such a great alpha?” 

Sam growls, low and deep in his chest. It sends a jolt down your spine and you squeeze your legs together when you feel slick pool between your thighs. 

“We should get going, before I do something I won’t regret in front of everyone.” He whispers in your ear and you gasp at his admission. Sam gathers all of your things and holds them in one hand while he grabs your free hand with the other. 

Sam kept a hand on you the entire ride back to your apartment. He held your hand or put his hand on your thigh. He would smirk when he looked over to find you already looking at him while biting your bottom lip. If this was you now you really didn’t want to know what a full blown heat was especially around the three of them. 

“We’re here.” Sam’s voice makes you look up at your apartment building. A small pout on your lips as you look back at Sam. “What is it baby?” 

“I don’t know, guess I’m sad today is over.” 

“Me too, but you know I like to visit you at work. You’ll get sick of me real soon.” 

You chuckle. “I doubt it. Especially if you keep smiling at me like that.” 

“Oh really? Is that your weakness, smiles?” 

“Nope, a handsome alpha with a nice smile is,” You lean in closer until you’re leaning over the center console. “Which I think you fit the description perfectly.” Your hand falls on his thigh for some leverage. Sam leans forward, his lips on yours feel like heaven. He wraps his right arm around your waist and in a swift movement he pulls you into his lap. Your arms find their way around his shoulders as you moan into the kiss. Sam’s tongue swirls around yours as his hands make their way to your ass. 

He pulls you closer, causing you to grind yourself against his hardening length. The growl that escapes him as he kisses your neck spurs you on. Sam lets you take the lead as you roll your hips slowly against him but unfortunately in the confined space of the driver’s seat you move too far back and you hit the steering wheel with your ass causing the horn to go off. You both freeze in place, the mood drastically changing in just a second. Your head rests on his shoulder as you begin to laugh and then he joins you. When you pull back you’re hitting your bottom lip trying to stop yourself. Sam’s warm brown eyes sparkle even with how dark it is. 

“You’re trouble.” He teases before placing one more kiss on your neck. “Come on, let’s get you inside.” 

“Ok.” You steal one more quick kiss before getting off of his lap. 

Sam walks you to your door and waits for you to open it. Your sweet scent wafts from the open door and he has to stop himself from going in there and claiming you. 

“Thank you again, for today it was fun.” 

“I’m glad you liked it, Sunshine.” He cups your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Sam gives you another kiss, this time sweet and tender. “I’ll see you Monday ok, Steve and I want to have lunch with you.” 

You smile, “I’d like that.” Your smile falters just a little. “Do you know when Bucky will be back?” 

He shakes his head. “It’s a highly classified mission which means only those that are involved know the details. But I’m sure he’ll be back soon and you’ll get to see him then.” 

“Ok, tell Steve I said hi.” 

“I will, goodnight Sunshine.” 

“Goodnight Sam.” He gave him a chaste kiss on his lips and slipped inside your apartment and locked it.

Ch. 7

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[alexiethymia]

snippet (res ipsa loquitur)

“Look who’s here. Professor Yang’s favorites!”

Professor Yang raises an eyebrow at that, as if to say that he didn’t have favorites, but Professor Kim Eun Sook pays him no mind. Dear friend though he may be, and though she would trust him with any case, his hard-ass act didn’t fool her. He could say whatever he wanted, but his subtle actions belied his fondness for his once-students turned professionals. Just the fact that he regularly invited them back to Hankuk to discuss cases was just one example.

“I don’t know about Prosecutor Han here, Professor Yang’s protégé that he is, but I’m certainly no favorite when I had to be Erica Shin just to get him to eat with me.” Lawyer Kang has certainly grown up to become a balanced professional, but Professor Kim is happy to see that she’s kept that refreshing bluntness of hers.

“If being Professor Yang’s favorite means additional work like getting called back to school, then I’d rather be your favorite.” Prosecutor Han for his part hasn’t changed much either. Although he’s settled into himself now, becoming as calm in actuality as he sometimes presented himself back in school, that teasing gaze towards Kang Sol A was still present how many years later.

Professor Yang just stares deadpan at what he deems to be nonsense from his former students. “I never taught the both of you to be lax as students, much less as professionals.”

“We’re just joking, Professor,” Kang Sol A – Lawyer Kang now – can easily look her once-savior in the eye and smile, as Professor Yang just raises an eyebrow, “You know we’re always glad to help with whatever we can.”

“We must have inherited your curse as a workaholic, Professor,” Prosecutor Han jokes. Even when he was just Han Joon Hwi, and not yet Prosecutor Han, he never had that fear towards Yangcrates. Frankly, he admired him, though it had always been a complicated emotion with the way all their fates had been tied.

“Ehem. Who would have thought that when I asked you to come hand-in-hand to my office so many years ago as students, you’d be doing it again and again now that you’ve become professionals.” Professor Kim is only half-serious. Even then she’d had an instinct about these two – one with the sharp mind and logic and the other with the fiery heart and passion. They would balance each other out, though she wouldn’t have picked up on it if not for Joon Hwi’s propensity to be a knight-in-shining armor for his then frazzled seatmate.

Kang Sol A mock-scoffs before smiling prettily, while sharing a gaze with an amused Joon Hwi. It was good to see that they still got along marvelously so many years later.

Professor Yang stares long and hard at them as if they were a crime scene he was investigating, before going on ahead and asking Joon Hwi to follow. Eun Sook’ll poke at his thoughts later though she’d be lucky if he felt like sharing them.

“See, you really are his favorite,” Kang Sol A nudges Joon Hwi playfully, while he only chuckles. “No need to worry Lawyer Kang. You’re my favorite at least.” Both Eun Sook’s eyebrows raise at that. With time and his new position, it seemed as if Joon Hwi had gotten more direct, if at all possible. Ah but perhaps, Eun Sook thinks while observing how Kang Sol A just laughs in response, rather than time it was circumstances that forced him to change his approach.

A slight movement behind Professor Kim’s desk catches all of their attention, and a doting smile appears on Eun Sook’s face.

“Aigoo. Is this your daughter Professor Kim?” Kang Sol positively beams at the small curly haired girl hiding shyly behind the Professor’s desk. She was so adorable! It reminded Sol of Byeol when she was at that age. Looking sideways, she sees Joon Hwi sporting an equally wide and fond smile. It was no wonder. With how he was with her younger sister, first when they’d met and until now, Kang Sol surmised that he must be ridiculously fond of children as well. Distantly she thinks that he’d be a wonderful father someday, although uncharacteristically cynical, she also has to admit that she doesn’t exactly have any good bases for comparisons.

“Yes,” Professor Kim says, proud, like all mothers are, “Say hi to oppa and unnie here. They work with the law just like mommy.”

Funnily, it’s a race between them for the privilege of lifting Professor Kim’s daughter up in their arms, but Joon Hwi lets her win (much like he always does). Kang Sol A openly cooes, while Joon Hwi hovers closely to the both of them, also introducing himself to the young girl.

It’s such a heartwarming sight that Professor Kim almost wants to take a picture of it, even if it would be inadmissible as evidence later on.

They’re momentarily interrupted when someone enters the legal clinic.

“Ah Miss, it’s so wonderful to see you again.”

“Ahjumma!” Kang Sol exclaims happily upon seeing the lady who ran the Bad FaMa website enter the legal clinic. Seamlessly, she adjusts Professor Kim’s daughter on her hip, before transferring her to Joon Hwi who carries her on his arm. “How are you? What are you doing here? It’s not another defamation case is it,” Kang Sol asks worriedly. Of course, she’d defend her properly this time since she was now a full-fledged lawyer, not only giving half-baked assistance and having to rely on Joon Hwi because she wasn’t prepared yet.

“Ah no, no need to worry Miss – ah my mistake, it’s Lawyer Kang now isn’t it? You sure showed them didn’t you.” She smiles warmly, proudly, at Kang Sol, and Kang Sol gets happy flutters in her heart and stomach, “I volunteer here at the legal clinic sometimes. Professor Kim has been helping me out with lobbying for stricter child support laws, and the other lawyer who volunteers here - Lawyer Jeon - has been helping me with cases of single mothers. She’s been telling me all about you. I’m really glad to see you doing so well.” Though it’s been a while since Kang Sol has seen her – since when she was still a law student in fact – the older woman and that case will always hold a special place in her heart. She considers it as her first case, and though it did cause a slight rift between her and Joon Hwi, she had been the first person outside of smug Second Judicial Exam Passers and terrifying law professors who had genuinely thanked her for the legal service she provided. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that Kang Sol owes a lot to her for reigniting her reason for studying law in the first place.

“And Prosecutor Han, I’m delighted to see you’re doing great as well.” Joon Hwi inclines his head at her while responding in kind. Even with a child on his arm, he looks every bit the respectable Prosecutor, and Kang Sol could sometimes shake her head in amused resignation at how flawless her – (Friend? Best friend? Family?), - at how flawless Joon Hwi is. She shakes her head for a different reason this time around, to get rid of that brief interruption in her mind.

Ahjumma smiles, full of maternal care. “What a lovely daughter,” Joon Hwi and Kang Sol exchange wordless glances and smiles, fully agreeing with her assessment – Professor Kim’s daughter with her soft curls, and shy and polite demeanor really was just too cute for words, “the both of you two have,” – before freezing in their tracks.  

Ajhumma seems not to notice the slight disturbance in the force, nor Professor Kim’s silent but far from inconspicuous chuckles, since she goes on, “Perhaps I’m just biased, but I’d always thought that the both of you suited each other well, even back then. And to see the both of you with a daughter of your own makes me really happy. We have enough parents who abandon their kids, but I know you would be such loving parents who would do everything and anything in your power to protect your daughter.” She grasps Kang Sol’s hands in her own and says sincerely, “Congratulations to the both of you.”

Prosecutor Han for all of his brilliance in court seems for the first time at a loss for words. It was a misunderstanding yes, but a reasonable one in Eun Sook’s mind. She would have probably thought the same, and yet for all that Eun Sook imagines they’ll just brush this off and regain their easy momentum, the pause lasts far too long this time around, and Professor Kim suddenly worries.

Kang Sol is frozen, and looks to be a million miles away. It’s to the point that the woman grasping her hands finds her smile slowly falling. There are no flustered denials, nor a hint of red anywhere. Kang Sol is blank, and this worries Professor Kim since the younger girl has always been full of life, of emotion, and to see this is disconcerting. Joon Hwi sees her from the corner of his eye, and Professor Kim is suddenly transported back to that Civil Code classroom so many years ago, for he once again saves her from having to answer, as always reliably following-up after her.

He slowly lowers her daughter down who immediately rushes to her. Upon seeing that, realization breaks across their guest’s face. “She’s not our daughter, but Professor Kim’s,” he explains smoothly, although it may be a bit redundant now. That seems to snap Kang Sol from the daze she’s in as she energetically reassures their guest that there was no need to worry regarding the misunderstanding. 

Eun Sook picks up her daughter and sends a questioning gaze towards Joon Hwi who seems reluctant to meet it. He smiles that characteristic smile of his, the one that seemed to say that he had everything under control, that there was nothing that could trip him, before politely excusing himself from the room to follow after Professor Yang. “He must be tired of waiting.” He doesn’t rush, nor does he run. Both his voice and gait are measured and paced, and though he catches Kang Sol A’s eye in that form of wordless communication that Professor Kim observed was common to him, her, and even Professor Yang, Kang Sol A seems to break it first to rejoin her conversation with their guest and her.

Joon Hwi stares a little longer at her profile before exiting.

The warm atmosphere the legal clinic had when the two had entered earlier seems to have dissipated.

Professor Kim really cannot help but worry.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

A chatty writing update | novels, short fiction, etc!

Hi folks!

It’s been a while since I last wrote an update on this blog! I thought it’d be fun to go back to basics, and just talk about writing. This post chats about: new plans for Feeding Habits, my newest novel, my short story goals & growing collection, along with process reflections.

(image description: a photo of green leaves with the text “writing update” in a white font written on top. /end image description)

Post starts under the cut!

General taglist (please ask to be added or removed)

@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting, @aetherwrites, @avakrahn, @maisulli

What have I been up to?

For starters, I finished my second year of my Writing undergrad last week and got two of my final grades back today (A+ baby)! For anyone who has taken online university, y’all already KNOW, but this year was so difficult. Would not recommend! Really proud of myself to have gotten through this absolute rollercoaster of a school term and am excited to get into some writing. That leads us to:

What have I been up to (writing edition)?

2021 started off so fast. By the time January hit, I was so consumed in my new semester that I did not have time to write Feeding Habits (my novel). In the first few days of the term, I managed to write between class, until I could no longer keep up! Essentially, I did not write any of that novel until exam season (last week), where I did manage to get in about 3k words in ~4 days.

Feeding Habits

I’m currently drafting what I believe will be the last chapter of this book (chapter 10: Swan Song). This chapter is so bizarre for a few reasons. It begins the book’s third part and also marks the shift back into Lonan’s head from Harrison’s. I originally thought this part would be much, much longer, with at least another five chapters to go, but quickly realized the book’s content was nearly completed. In my 4 day 3k palooza, I hit 50k in the book (the word count goal), and couldn’t see myself extending past 60k. Since then, I’ve made the loose decision to write this final chapter as a ~novella. Here are a few reasons why:

1. This chapter is structurally very strange.

I unashamedly shift from present to past to present to past past, and so much more every 12 words. I mapped out the timeline on a sheet of paper, and there were over 20 shifts in scenes (the chapter is only about 4400 words at the moment). The fictive past is incredibly important to this chapter, more important than the present, and I thought it would make more sense to not break randomly for a chapter so I could upkeep the consistent inconsistency of the chapter.

2. The chapter is very abstract

This stems from the structural changes, but there are paragraphs in this chapter of the fictive present that are loosely based in reality. They’re more poems than they are factual paragraphs, and keeping them all contained in one place (so a mega chapter/ novella) would reduce the most confusion!

3. There’s not much left to cover

Like I said above, Feeding Habits is on its last leg, lol! I know exactly where the book needs to end up, which is very, very soon from where I’m currently at on the timeline. Swan Song should cover what 2-4 chapters would cover in terms of arcs.

Feeding Habits and I have a really weird relationship, tbh! When I realized a few weeks ago that it’d been over a year since I started the book, I realized I just needed to finish it. Not that I want to rush (because I’ve taken longer than a year to write a book in the past), but that in order to move onto another project, I’d like to put this one behind first. This book has been the hardest thing I’ve ever written, and has reminded me there’s always a time to let go. This sort of scrounges up a conversation about letting this entire series go, which is certainly something I’ve been contemplating doing soon(ish). If this spinoff series gets a third book, that may or may not be the last Fostered book for a very long time (or ever)! There are many complex reasons to move on, but the main one is that I have other projects I’d like to focus on. This is not a definitive decision, but something I’ve certainly been thinking about!

Here are a few excerpts I wrote recently:

(TW: death, gore)

Dying feels like being a trout dangled out of water. Clinging to a hook. Mouth open. Scales iridescent in a final death cry. It’s like blood spurting up the knuckles, drowning out the flesh. It’s that moment on the long fall down when the clouds cup the body. Easy drifting. The sound a skull makes when it cracks is really just the afterthought.

(TW: death, gore)

Kill shot. Death blow. Coup de grace. Right in the heart. He feels it. The blood swelling, slicking his palms. He can do it. Reach into the cavity. Feel for the ribs. Part each bone. Then cup the humming heart. Stay there. Right. It’s never been easier.

Look at this PURE moment of Lonan holding a baby I CANNOT:

The grocery store was a fifteen-minute walk away. With Olivia clinging to his shoulder, Lonan was acutely aware that she could feel his heartbeat. Open valve. Close. Repeat. Hers pulsed right above his, a miniature drumming. The sky had bruised purple, misted with clouds. The evening air nipped his cheeks, so he made sure Olivia was securely fastened between him and his jacket. With wide eyes, she absorbed the drowsy suburbia, all its family cars pulling into driveways, all its couples heading back home after a sunset walk. When Lonan passed a young boy walking two golden retrievers, Olivia giggled, and didn’t stop, even after he’d spent fifty dollars on groceries and nearly the rest on a red Corolla marked with a MUST GO NOW sign outside a convenience store.

Let’s move on!

Mandy and Cora

I said I wouldn’t talk too much about this project, but I just love it so much?? I wanted to share my SUPER early thoughts on drafting a novel, especially one that is SO different from what I’ve been writing recently. I talked about this before in THIS post, but the summary about this project is that it’s a YA contemporary novel! Can’t believe I’m writing YA again, it’s been so long, but I also think it’s going so well. Everything I’ve learned as a literary fiction writer has been a fantastic primer for transferring back to the genre. Admittedly, I have not written much, but I’m having a lot of fun diving back into a lighter project. This is the summary:

Cora and Mandy are identical twins who’ve always done everything together. But when Mandy decides to go to university out of province after graduation and Cora doesn’t, Cora takes this as an opportunity to “test run” life apart from her sister for the first time by spending the summer at her aunt’s house across the country.

I have come up with a few ~things since I last talked about this project, mostly how I’d like to structure it. As of now, I’d like the book to be structured super loosely. I’m really pulling on a lot of inspo from “We Are Okay” by Nina LaCour (which is SO good), particularly how “nothing happens-y” that book is. This project (which I still need a title for!!) will be structured in short chapters that cover something Cora does on her own for the first time (without Mandy). For example, a few ideas are “Flight”, “Lunch”, and “Groceries”. “Flight” is the first “chapter” (they’re really kind of vignettes) where Cora flies to her aunt’s house. I still can’t determine if this book will take place in Canada. On one hand, I feel like there will be a wider audience if it takes place in the US (is that just an assumption??? maybe?? someone let me know!), but also: don’t really care too much about an audience at the moment! It could also take place in Canada (So Ontario and British Columbia). But if it does take place in the US, I think it may take place in NYC and San Francisco. The problem is: I really don’t like researching lol, and while I’ve been to NYC many times, I will definitely write it wrong! Does this really matter on a first draft?? absolutely not lol, but of course I am already overthinking!

But back to structure: I am looking forward to seeing what this looser structure will do. This is a story that is solely around one half of a set of twins learning to be her own person (and ultimately that she doesn’t have to completely forget her sister in order to do that), and as a twin who KNOWS this feeling, I think this structure of her doing things for the first time is SUPER relatable.

I was worried it might sound silly/worrying to others who are not twins that Cora hadn’t done things like “lunch” or “groceries” on her own, but I feel this so much as an identical twin myself! Not that she hasn’t done anything at all by herself, but as a twin, when you do something without your twin for the first few times, at least in my experience, you notice. If any twins are reading this--weigh in!

This story is the most personal thing I’ve ever written. It definitely is an OwnVoices book! Usually, I avoid details that are remotely similar to me because they make me uncomfortable haha, but with this book, it’s all me, lol! The characters are all Guyanese, which is SO fun because I’ve been planning what they eat (my fellow Caribbean peeps know: the FOOD!), which is so fun (yes they have pumpkin and shrimp, yes they have roti, yes they have pera, yes they have mithai). Every time I’ve gone to dabble at this book, or even think about it, I get incredibly emotional for this reason? I don’t exactly know why. I think this is a story I just so want to tell, with the culture I love SO much that I definitely struggled to love as a child. This is reclamation bitchessss!

Not going to lie tho: the prospect of writing ~a book~ is kind of freaky! I’m going to make the minimum word count for this book pretty short (50k) and see where it goes from there. I think I will focus on this project this summer! Originally I was going to write a literary novel this summer, but I think this one’s calling my name!

Here’s a pretty rough excerpt:

Try. I remind myself that’s what I’m doing after the flight attendant fills me a disposable cup of Coca Cola and all I can think of is Mandy and I shoving Mentos into a bottle of the stuff when we were twelve. Just me, wedged in the middle seat between an exchange student heading out for summer break and a middle-aged woman sipping a cocktail, thinking of Mandy and I bursting whole oranges in a blender when we were bored one Winter break as the plane dips through a wave of turbulence. Mandy and I dying our hair neon green with highlighters (didn’t work—our hair is too dark) as the plane lands on the tarmac. Mandy and I arguing so loud last month, we both lost our voices as I lug my carry-on out of the overhead compartment and shuffle off the plane and through the airport, searching for Aunt Vel.

Short Fiction

I’ve written so much short fiction this year! I have a goal to write a short story a month (they can range in length, as long as 1 is “complete”), so my short story brain has seriously been soaking it all up lately. Let’s chat my month to month breakdown so far:

January:

I wrote four stories in January! The first is a flash fiction piece called “Shark Swimming” that follows a young woman who attends a shark swimming class after breaking up with her girlfriend. I wrote this story for a “test” workshop for my fiction class, and it was based off the prompt “think about something you’re afraid to do and make the character do that thing”. I’m not particularly afraid of sharks, but had been wanting to use the title “Shark Swimming” for AGES (literally since 2018).

This story is one of my favourites. It’s only about 900 words, but I think there’s something profound in how mundanely specific it is. The entire story doesn’t even see the narrator swim with sharks once; it actually takes place fully in the sanctuary’s lobby. But I really love this narrator. This is the first story I’ve written in second person in a while, though I felt really connected to the unnamed narrator. She struggles with accepting that she truly is a “boring” person, and there’s something about the final image that really gets me!

I’ve been submitting this around, though it’s been rejected a handful of times. Hoping I can secure it at a magazine one day because I really love it!

The second story is “Joanne, I’ll Pray for You” which is actually a rewrite of one of my very first short stories (the first story I did not write for a class haha), “NYC in Your Apartment”. I LOVE this rewrite a lot, and also learned the original is not a very good short story! Revising this story taught me just how much I’ve learned in the 2 years I’ve been writing short fiction. Seeing the 2019 version versus the 2021 version side by side is fascinating because I essentially “gutted’ the 2019 version of its beginning and end until all that was left was the middle of the story (aka the actual story). AKA: this is the only story I’ve ever written with a hopeful ending and I cut out all the happy bits lol I am SO sorry (that arc is more for a novel or novella). That’s how this went from a 5k word story to an 1800 word story (my Submittable thanks me for this lol). A lot of details and scenes I included were more pertinent to a 3 act structure/novel, which of course short stories don’t often have because of their brevity. I love rambling about writing theory, and seeing that actually pay off is so fascinating!

(TW: trauma)

Like the original, this story follows Joanne, a woman in her early twenties, who spontaneously breaks up with her boyfriend. She claims the poltergeist haunting her drove her to this decision. The original draft focused a lot more on the traumatic events Joanne survives, but this draft really loosens them up. It focuses less so on the events themselves, and more on how Joanne’s life is affected. I found the details of these events were less important, and even sort of contradicted Joanne’s insistence she is being haunted. Instead, the poltergeist really takes more precedence in the new draft as a force Joanne doesn’t understand. That ambiguity, I think, is what the story truly needed.

I also centralized Joanne’s relationship with her boyfriend, Julian, here. Now don’t get me wrong, I really didn’t add anything to this draft. It was a matter of trimming the fat around it to leave the lean “meat” in the centre. But by removing that fat, I was able to emphasize what was most important here, and that was her relationship. Julian always played a really big role in the original draft, but I feel like his role as both a friend and partner to Joanne is much more emphasized since this draft literally is only two scenes now. Because there is less, there is more room for Joanne to reflect, which I’m happy about!

A final change I made was the setting and therefore the title. The original, which was “NYC in Your Apartment,” I couldn’t keep because I shifted the setting to Toronto (this is how I originally saw it, but in 2019 I just?? couldn’t?? write?? canlit??), and “Toronto in Your Apartment” sounded sort of gross LOL. The new title comes from a line in the story which I think is more relevant to the themes!

The next short story I wrote in January was “How to Spell Alpaca.” This one is super fun because I wrote it SO fast (in about 15 minutes or so). THIS is the writing update if you’re interested in learning more. I talked extensively about this one in that update, but some developments are that I dove into an edit a few weeks ago to really understand the core of the story. I’m still not quite there (this is just an intuitive feeling; I know not everything has “clicked), but I am really intrigued by the two mothers in the story, the narrator, and her newfound acquaintance, Violet. Both really struggle to understand their place as mothers (the narrator even declares she isn’t a mother anymore). The narrator, who is in her 50s, sees herself in Violet, who is much younger (~20s), and so she views Violet’s relationship with her daughter in a cautionary, yet mournful way, like she can see it will end up like her own relationship with her daughter, despite wanting the opposite. This is a really subtle story. I feel like if you blink, you’ll miss the message. But I think it’s compelling for that reason. It’s really a portrait of parenting and how to grapple with mistakes you may make that inevitably affect your children. Wow just unlocked the theme writing this lol.

The final story I wrote in January is “The Party,” which may be in my top 3 faves I’ve ever written. This story follows Aida, a recent divorcee in her ~40s. The day her divorce turns official, she moves into a new house and receives a party invitation addressed to the previous homeowner, yet RSVP’s anyway. At this party, she’s hoping to find some sense of noticeability, having struggled with being nondescript her whole life. Things seem quite normal at the party, until it gets bizarre.

I LOVE this story, y’all. Like “How to Spell Alpaca” it really delves into motherhood. Aida, our narrator, is incredibly hurt after her divorce. She now lives farther from her children she struggled to feel connected to in the first place, and doesn’t really know how to reignite her life. This party is a means to do that. This is the first story I’ve written that contains a “twist” which is strange because I really prefer stories that give us as much info as possible upfront, but yes, this one sort of twists.

February

I wrote one story in February, and that was “Protect the Young.” This title is SO changing when I think of a new one because it’s thematically incorrect, haha, but this story follows a woman in her late 40s whose daughter, Lindy, announces she is married the same day all their backyard chickens turn up dead. The discovery of dead chickens prompts our narrator to recall her ex-husband’s murder and the role her daughter may have played in his death.

I love this story so much! I think this would make a great closing for my short story collection. It just has that vibe! I wrote this for my second fiction workshop. I thought I had to hand in the story a week earlier than I had to, so I panicked and wrote this in one sitting! Little did I know, I did not need to do that lol but I’m very happy because this story is so fun. We get to learn more about Arnold (her ex), his relationship with Lindy, and how that translates to Lindy’s relationship with her new husband, Malcolm. I LOVE true crime (I listen to about 3-4 hours of case coverage daily), and this is my first “true crime” story. Because of that, I’m very sus of a few details that probably wouldn’t slide in actual investigatory work, so I’ll also be working on that in a revision. My professor also gave me a great suggestion that may alter the story’s structure a bit, though I look forward to toggling with it in the future.

March

In March, I was really on a Criminal Minds kick lol. I’ve been watching this show since I was seven (oops), and dove into a rewatch since it hit Disney+! This story, “Where to Run When the Lamb Roars,” is very clearly Rachel watching 5 episodes of CM a day. Oops! We follow 14-year-old Astrid as she and her older half brother kidnap a young girl to sacrifice for their yearly ritual.

I knew a few things going into this story, but the main thing was that I did NOT want to show any details of a potential murder (if one even occurs). I really wanted to keep all of those elements off the page because this story is not about those events, but about Astrid’s relationship with her brother. They are a murderous duo, with Astrid actually being the dominant partner. I wanted to explore that. I knew her brother, Fox, was more of a submissive partner in their team, even when he used to do this same thing with his father when he was much younger (chilling!), and so it was a task to explore how this young girl’s desire for violence works. The end actually comes right before the story starts, one could say, but I like it for this reason. It really made me contemplate the story by the time I finished it, and helped me examine what it really was about versus what it appeared to be about.

April

(TW: sexual content, non explicit)

I was so busy this month! Who knows if I’ll write a story last minute, but I did write one story this month called “Five Times Fast.” I wrote this during a “writing sprint” that was being hosted at a flash fiction workshop I recently took with one of my favourite writers ever, K-Ming Chang. I learned so much from this class, and am so happy I came out of it with a draft! This story is just over 300 words, so the shortest flash I’ve ever written, but I’m really happy with it. It was based off the prompt “describe the last time you or your character was naked.” In this case, the narrator has a “friends with benefits” relationship with Ricky who works at a laundromat. This story highlights a moment in this relationship (and also Ricky’s goofy personality lol). I really like it! Hopefully I’ll submit it to some magazines soon.

My short story collection

Very briefly I wanted to touch on my short story collection which I’ve titled “She is Also Dead.” I’ve been meaning to make a blog post on this, so look out for that in the coming months, but this collection is already at around 35k words (about 14 stories so far). The collection also surprisingly has a solid amount of flash fiction which is kind of fun! There’s definitely a range here, which is what I personally love in short story collections.

I feel very professional now that I have a ~collection chart. This is her:

(image description: A chart with the title “She is Also Dead.” It is broken into four columns: Story, Status, Word Count, and Published. Entry 1 - Story: Slaughter the Animal. Status: Revisions, Word Count, 3982, Published: N/A. Entry 2 - Story: Joanne, I’ll Pray for You, Status: Polished, Word Count: 1809, Published: N/A. Entry 3 - Story: Primary Organs, Status: Published, Word Count: 2342, Published: The Malahat Review. Entry 4 - Story: Faberge, Status, Polished, Word Count: 619, Published: N/A. Entry 5 - Story: The Wolf-Antelope Will Not Come for Us, Status, Polished, Word Count: 1556, Published: filling Station (forthcoming). Entry 6 - Story: How to Spell Alpaca, Status: revisions, Word Count: 1327, Published: N/A. Entry 7 - Story: Blink Twice for Final Judgement, Status: Polished, Word Count: 6572, Published: N/A. Entry 8 - Story: The Species is Dead, Status: Published, Word Count: 1208, Published: Minola Review. Entry 9 - Story: Shark Swimming, Status: Polished, Word Count: 907, Published: N/A. Entry 10 - Story: The Party, Status, Polished, Word Count 2339, Published: N/A. Entry 11 - Story: Fig, Status: Polished, Word Counter: 947, Published: N/A. Entry 12 - Story: Protect the Young, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4128, Published: N/A. Entry 13 - Story: Where to Run When the Lamb Roars, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 2174, Published: N/A. Entry 14 - Story: Phantom Limbs, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4844, Published: N/A.) /end image description.

This order is DEFINITELY not permanent (at this point whenever I write a story, I just fit it randomly into this chart lol), and some of the info is outdated (for example, Slaughter the Animal is now polished!!! thank god!!!). But just an idea of what I’m thinking of including.

This is the summary so far:

In SHE IS ALSO DEAD, characters are pushed to act on their gravest impulses. A small town turns murderous when their local invasive species, the Janices, begin dying. A child struggles to understand her mother’s suicide. A college dropout who insists she’s being haunted by a poltergeist unexpectedly breaks up with her boyfriend. A mother acknowledges her daughter’s murderous tendencies after her backyard chickens mysteriously die. A young girl caters the funeral of a girl rumored to be killed by a wolf-antelope. A newly-divorced mother RSVP’s to a bizarre party she was not invited to, and a murderous brother and sister upkeep their yearly tradition of abducting a young girl. These stories follow characters who navigate death, violent desires, womanhood, and loss, both self-imposed and otherwise.

This is also so subject to change as I may pull and add stories to the collection!

I think I’m going to leave this update here for now! I’ve written TONS of poetry too, but I honestly ~hate my poetry right now lol, so! Hope you enjoyed this chill rambly update. Hope writing has going well for you all! All the best!

--Rachel

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 51 - Amazing technology - 'Human with modified skull'

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's  episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe, Tasai, welcome.

T: And thank you too.

J: Ta-da! We are wearing it.

K: Hahaha

J: We are wearing it. This is naturally cool, isn't it?

T: Yes.

K: Um, if we don't say anything the viewers won't understand.

J: Uh, Tasai, could you explain?

T: Um, so this is another Tokyo Sports T-shirt collaboration. We are putting one out.

K: It was a hoodie before, right? 

T: Yes, that was a collaboration with Don Quijote. This time we've collaborated with the store Hardcore Chocolate in Higashinakano, to create this really cool tshirt.

K: I'm wearing it too.

T: Oh, thank you. Its a Core-choco × Tokyo Sports collaboration.

*clapping/cheering*

K: The back is nice too.

J: Yeah, I mean, I can't see it myself though. What is written on it?

T: Its past Tokyo Sports headlines. The black is pro-wrestling headlines, like 'Inoki's grand KO defeat'.....'Hansen...near murder' etc.

J: Wow.

T: These shocking headlines are...

J: All over?

T: Yes, all over it. And as for the front, Joe, could you turn around?

J: Yes.

T: Those are copies of Tokyo Sports tied up with string, just on the verge of being thrown away, giving a kind if melancholic feel.

J: Ahh, this is cool too.

T: Its very Tokyo Sportsy.

K: Are the white and back versions different?

T:  Yes, they are different.

J: Ah! They are different?

K: The white one has 'Matsui' written on it.

T: Matsui's wedding.

J: Oh yeah.

K: This black one says, 'Brody'.

J: Pro-wrestling?

T: Yes, its mainly pro-wrestling. And the white is showbiz...

J: Sports and showbiz? Oh, so it is.

T: 'Elvis lives' and so on.

J: This is great...ah..'The Monster with 21 faces'!

K: Its nostalgic, isn't it?

T: Yeah, this type of thing.

J: Ahh..of course...Ah, shocking photos.

K: 'Discovery of Kappa'....'Madonna had hemorrhoids' haha.

K, J, T: Hahaha.

J: Does it really matter? haha.

T: Haha, that was about one time a long time ago when Madonna came to do a show in Japan. She requested a bidet toilet, so we reckoned maybe its because she had hemorrhoids.

J: Just from that? You put this headline with it?

K: Your info is thin!

T: Haha.

J: Right?! Zero fact checking! Guess after guess!

K: Incredible. So, there are two of these.

J: What should we do with them?

T: Well, I thought we could make them presents for the people who always watch The Freedom of Expression.

J: Ohhh! *claps*

K: There is black and white.

J: One of each?

T: Yes.

K: The size is S.

J: S?

K: Joe is wearing M, I'm wearing XL. Anyone who wants a big one..

J: Please but it.

K: Yes. For people who want S...um, what should we do...you could leave a comment on my Twitter..

T: With your thoughts on this show.

J: Of course.

T: Yes.

K: Yeah.

T: And we could choose one from those.

J: Leave a decent comment..

T: Like which was your favourite episode or something?

J: Ahh, you know how to do this!

K: Joe, its just that you're always drunk.

J: I'm always drunk, haha. When I see Tasai, Im learning how to conduct myself.

T: Excuse me brother, thank you very much.

J: Your stocks will rise with this tshirt. Yours and Tokyo Sports' stocks.

T: I hope so.

K: Everyone will be cool wearing this.

J: They really will be cool.

K: Please buy it, really.

J: If someone wanted to buy this, where do they get it from?

T: Probably online. You can buy it on Corechoco's site.

J: I see.

K: Ok, so today's story is a Tokyo Sports selection.

J: Its a Tokyo Sports day today.

T: A Tokyo Sports produced story...

The headline is 'Will we rise up in 2021? - Amazing technology, human with modified skull'. As for the content of the story, it asks what new technology will appear in the year 2021, and its by our science writer Hisano, who wrote about some of the things he'd heard.

J: Oh, so he's done it properly?

T: Yes. So firstly, well, we hear a lot about this A.I. deepfake problem at the moment, don't we? Like changing faces without permission, and making these made-up sexy images which cause harm, for example. *1

J: Yeah, its the basis of fake news, right?

T: We are hearing about that more and more, thats the first thing. Secondly, there is apparently this idea called, 'Trans-human' where people power up their own body with technology, and Hisano wondered whether Trans-human technology with develop a lot during this year. Specifically, well, there is actually someone doing this in Spain, Manel de Aguas. He peeled back the skin on his head and attatched self-mafe fin shaped devices to his skull. The fins contain a bone conducting oscillator and temperature sensor, so he can tell if the weather is hot or cold through vibrations in his head. So, this is a way to catch very small atmospheric changes that regular people wouldn't normally be able to sense.

J: I see.

T: And there are pictures of him, so please take a look.

J: If you go to the Tokyo Sports website?

T: Yes, you can see it there. Furthermore, well, there are quite a lot of other examples, like a 'trans-human' using prosthetics, or having an IC chip implanted into your hand to use for the train etc. On top of that, France has plans to make a conscription army like this. The name  of the project is 'The Bionic Soldier Project', which is a really cool name. They would be like super strong soldiers who never got tired and didn't need sleep, and who could heighten their sight and hearing with medication, and would have communication equipment embedded in their brains to connect directly to wireless  netwoks. Bionic soldiers..scary, right?

J: Yeah. Its like the end to the era of traditional fighting.

T: Research has been going on even longer America, in their Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, where paralyzed patients have had chips embedded in their brain, and have successfully been able to control drones with their thoughts. They've already done that. Even bedridden people can control drones. Technology his also being developed to go without sleep for 48 hours by running electric currents through the brain. This is not the talk of dreams, we are closing in on these things. There is also a plan by Nasa, a mission to redirect asteroids, where a robot spaceship would grab an asteroid, carry it over to the moon's orbit, and dig up minerals from it. Its like the world of Gundam. What do you think of this for 2021?

J: So, like these might become a reality within this year?

T: Yeah, some of them, as far as the technology goes.

K: It'll be like Robocop.

T: Yeah.

K: Its incredible, its like the world of 'Terminator'.

J: Yeah, it is.

T: In reality, controling a drone with the brain is aleady being used in China with toys.

J: With the brain..?

T: Like, controlling it with your thoughts by just imagining it rising. And in Japan..

J: You have to operate it.

T: In Japan they can be controlled with radio waves *2, but in China they can already move drones around using brain waves. Like, its technologically possible to attatch a bomb to a drone and make it fly somewhere and explode...its scary.

J: If technology advances this far, people won't need to study for exams and stuff, will they?

T: Thats right.

J: With a chip embedded...we talk about preventing cheating these days, but you would have all that data within you, or you could just go outside and remotely update.

K: Or you could send questions with just your eyes and get answers back.

J: Yeah, its like already at the point where you don't have to bother with tests or exams.

K: And it would mean no more back entrance admissions.

T, J: Yeah.

J: Yeah, like whoever has the money.

T: They might starts scanning people with metal detectors when they do exams to see if they have chips or something in them. Like, have you got a chip in your brain?? If it beeps, you'll know they have a chip.

K: They could put the people who have chips inside like anti-vibration shields..

J: Yeah, like to stop the transmissions.

T: Oh, yeah.

J: We're already getting to this point in time.

T: Do we even need to study anymore?

J: Yeah, like the era of people using their brains is ending.

K: We don't even really need universities and stuff anymore

J: We don't! Cause you have have access to all the information in the world in your head, whenever you like.

K:Yeah, if you have it ???*3

J: Well, there's also the issue of whether this kind of thing will be permitted by law. Like how far..

K: Yeah, it wouldn't be allowed immediately.

J: Yeah, like how far can human ability be harnessed in this way. I mean, there is the problem of genetic engineering too, but..thats where we are at now.

K: Well, there might already be people like this out there.

J: Well, yeah, the technology is there already.

K: You don't know whats going on in other peoples' heads.

J: Well, yeah. Eh, what if Kami is one of them?

K: No, I don't think he is. Absolutely not.

J: Haha

Kami: No, gods are different. But the bionic soldiers who don't need sleep, never get tired, and use medication to improve their sight and hearing...they've been around in Nishinari for a long time.

K: In Nishinari?

J: Haha

Kami: People who look like zombies, there have always been tonnes of them. There is also an article about a 'robot girlfriend to go for a walk with you', which Gifu University made, I'm interested  in that. I'd like to support Gifu University with that.

T: I see. Yeah, its a robot girlfriend who holds your hand and goes for walks with you, made by Gifu University.

K: What did Kami say earlier about women, doesn't he have woman trouble?

J: Oh yeah. Kami, don't women like you, being a god?

Kani: Thats a whole different story. Um, this is just a hand holding robot, but I'd like them to try harder with more in-depth research on this.

K: In-depth research? Haha

J: I don't know what he means by that. Kami!!

K: I mean, if they've been able to make the robot to this level, Im pretty sure they can also manage 'in-depth' research. haha.

J: They just won't announce it as university research, they stopped at holding hands.

Kami: Ah, I see. I wanna support deepfake technology too.

K: Ha, you wanna support it.

T: Well, this type of technology was originally invented for mens' pleasure. New technology can even start from such places. Like videos...

K: Ah, yeh, popular people from videos turned up a lot in this erotic stuff (*Sorry if I got this wrong*)

J: Ahh, yes, necessity is the mother of invention. Technology increases due human desires.

T: Yeah, thats it.

J: Well, this could be used for evil ways, or for more interesting ways. There are various ways to use it. Kaoru is there any kind of technology that you ever wanted to invent?

K: That I wanted to invent?

J: Like a specific type of robot or anything like that?

T: If you had a chip in your brain though, and you didn't have to study, what would you do?

K: But if all this stuff becomes normal, I think on the contrary, will might start to want to do things in more detail again. When you can get anything effortlessly, you will start to want to do those things that don't come effortlessly.

J: Ahh, hand made things will become nostalgic.

K: Our sense of value would change. People will want to go out and do things...if you can get everything you need without ever going out. And with food, it will be all there, ready as soon as you open the cupboard, right?

J: Yeah

K: Like, wouldn't you feel like going out instead?

T: Yeah, you'd want to go out and see live performances and stuff too.

K: People were told not to go out on New Years eve, but so many people still went out. haha

T: Oh, yeah.

J: Yep, human mentality just goes like that.

K: People will still go out. So, I think thats the direction it will head.

T: A.I. is pretty popular in human competions at the moment, for example with Shōgi, but in the end, what people really want to see is a human competing with another human.

J: Yes, I think thats true.

K: Yeah, its those natural variations

J: Thats it, we need those. Its that type of thing  that is impossible to calculate.

K: A computer couldn't come up with this type of thing. (*holds up Tokyo Sports tshirt*)

T: Haha

K: Its a product of wild fantasies.

T: Hahaha

J: Yeah, that would be impossible.

T: If we let A.I. do this kind of thing we would have lost. Tokyo Sports would be finished.

K: A.I. couldn't make this.

J: Its incredible.

K: 'Human gives birth to frog'.

J: Haha, A.I. could never write this.

K: It probably couldn't, right?

J: Only some bombed out person could do it otherwise.

K: It was worth making, naturally Tokyo Sports.

T: Oh, thank you.

K: So, everyone, please buy one of these tshirts. We have a black and white in size S here, so please send a tweet. Ok, we'll finish here this week. Please subscribe, thank you very much.

*1, 2 Not sure its exactly right.

*3 Couldn't figure out

Back to top page

[petekaos]

the beautiful thing is that dark blue kiss and gaya sa pelikula go hand in hand.

this is not to undermine anything either of these shows have done — rather to simply appreciate the similarities and parallels these two shows share and the influence that they have on the lgbt community watching these shows. in different ways, in different writing styles, and in different filming, they transfer the same core messages onto screen. it’s stunning how similar they are and how knowledge and closer analysis on one provides one with more insight on the other, both plot wise and concerning the characters’ motivations.

this becomes clear in episode seven of gaya sa pelikula especially. of course we have all of these small parallels between petekao and vladkarl; for example both of them messing around by the sink and washing dishes together, or holding hands under the table as a sign of support, or transferring food onto each other’s plates in front of family as one protests, or the beautiful setup that vlad had arranged for karl, or the pink lights reflecting onto their kiss, or going underwater to kiss, etc etc etc. i could go on and on about these small parallels, but it really is the broad character strokes that got to me.

vlad and pete share so many similarities. both of them are out, are more or less financially okay, and both of them have been deeply hurt or traumatised by different things. vlad has been hurt by his father and ex-boyfriend in the past, leading him to believe he isn’t worthy of anyone staying and therefore developing abandonment issues. isn’t pete the same? losing his mother and sister and turning to violence took a huge toll on him, also leading him to develop self-worth and abandonment issues, especially after non came into the picture. both of them want to love the boys that they love loudly and proudly — neither of them are ashamed of their sexuality. vlad has had time to come to terms with it and accept that part of himself, and pete doesn’t feel the need to prove himself or compensate for his sexuality. both of them just want to live a proud life with the boys that they love without apologising, but they are ready — if you dismiss outside influence (in the case of vlad, judit and tito sants, and in the case of pete, non) — to adjust to be with who they love.

karl and kao... where to start. my heart aches for the both of them. generally, the fears that they share are the same. both of them aren’t out to family and also need to financially support themselves through their skills, writing in karl’s case and teaching in kao’s. while karl is still discovering himself, however, kao has already been in a relationship with pete for three years during dbk. while he has had time to accept his sexuality, much like karl, he isn’t ready to tell the world yet. neither of them are ready, and they panic when faced with the prospect of people knowing. there’s something different, isn’t there? about knowing yourself and putting it out there into the world. both of them get outed, essentially, and have seemingly no-one to help them through it. but the love they have for the other person is evident. it’s apparent in the way that kao sets all of that up for their anniversary, helps pete with his presentations, slips in notes for the exam, gives him medicine. it’s apparent in the way that karl stares at vlad like he’s his whole world in the mornings, how he breaks free of what he’s been telling himself his whole life to allow himself this happiness, sets up all of that for his birthday, makes a home with him. they may not be ready to love proudly yet — but they will be.

the general themes are the same. both shows are written by gay men and it is absolutely evident through the care that runs through the fine thread of both of them. pete and vlad are out, karl and kao aren’t. pete and vlad are more or less financially set, karl and kao aren’t. all of them have been deeply hurt and traumatised. it’s about growing, about learning, about adjusting and compromising and supporting. it’s about taking your time to come out, and the effect that outside influences such as characters like non, judit, and tito sants can have on a relationship, the strain that can be put on it when you’re not on the same page. it’s about taking back your own story. it’s about giving yourself a happy ending. it’s about the journey of getting there at all — the trials and tribulations of it, the falling and the flying, and the reassurance that no matter what, at the end of the day you come home. you have a space here. you belong. this is what both of these shows tell lgbt audiences, this is what it feels like watching these shows: like coming home. like knowing you belong. like finally seeing that you are the main character of your story. this is their impact, in different levels and ways.

both shows complement one another beautifully. and as juan miguel severo, the writer of gsp, said about episode seven of gaya sa pelikula in particular:

thank you, gaya sa pelikula and dark blue kiss 💛

[someonewhowannadielol]

Blossom fully (deep in my bones)

(Teacher!JK x College student!Reader) PART ONE

Warnings: JK has anger management issues, very slight violence, a lot of fluff, don't get a heart attack.

Genre: Fluff.

Word Count: 10.3k

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

I have decided to turn this into a trilogy. This is Part One, enjoy. Let me know if you want to be tagged (you could just comment, or dm me).

Love. Adoration. Lust. For Jeon Jungkook, his entire life, they had been just words, nothing more – after all, these were just concepts made by society, what if people had not known about the concept of love? Would they still try to find it? Would they still be willing to work for it? Then, you came into his life, and gave meaning to those words.

“Welcome to the annual football championship between Seoul Nation University and Sungkyunkwan University 2020,”

“Break his jaw!” Jungkook heard the other team chant, while looking at him. He just scoffed while adjusting his gloves, as if.

“Really? Think you can do it? Go ahead and try,” Jungkook mocked them across the field, his tongue poking against his left cheek.

Jungkook was never set out for failure, it was never allowed in his life – because he knew for a fact that his father would have his throat if he didn’t turn out to be the best of the best.

At age five, he had a strict workout regime and had less than 10 percent body fat, maintained till present date. He had also learnt that he would rather be loved than feared, he hated the look in the eyes of his classmates when he accidentally punched his seatmate, Byung-chul, just because he had taken his red crayon without asking. Now, no one would sit next to him at lunch. 

He told himself that he didn’t mind it, but he couldn’t help but cry at night because no one wanted to play on the see-saw with him. He knew if he asked them, they would have no choice other than to say yes, after all, they didn’t want to end up like Byung-chul, hospitalized, with a broken arm. But what’s the use, if they don’t actually want to be with him?

Age seven, he had landed his first punch on his butler when he saw him abuse his dog. He didn’t know what to tell to his therapist, how could he explain that all he saw was red when he saw Yeontan being thrown out of the room? How could he explain that he had no control over his body? He couldn’t control the beast in him that had pounced over the man.

Age ten, he landed his position as quarterback on the national “Under 19,” football team. Soon, he had to drop out – not because he couldn’t play well, hell, he was probably the most talented played that they could’ve scouted. But, because he wouldn’t tolerate any thing that would come in the path of him and his success.

Age fifteen, he had graduated high school, gotten a perfect 1600 in his SAT, and been given a full ride to SNU. Throughout his high school career, despite having narrow minded, shallow and mindless classmates, Jungkook still wishes he made more memories, had photos with friends in his camera roll (rather than just pictures of sunsets and tattoo designs),

Age 20. Present Day, and he had earned the title of Doctor, not that he could actually perform in the surgeries because of his “anger issues”. Currently, he was a Grad student, but also taught the first year Undergrads, just because of his immense knowledge that could be on par with the old, wrinkly professors that had been teaching since 30+ years.

There had never been a championship, never an exam, never a game that Jeon Jungkook hadn’t won. He wasn’t going to lose this one either. The chants from hundreds of people across the campus stadium were deaf on his ears when he heard the other team’s captain call him an asshole.

Everyone knew Jungkook had well, anger management issues. And to say they were bad was, well, an understatement. So far, the only thing he’s learnt from 14 years of anger management classes, movies, documentaries and seminars is that – only attack when they punch you enough to make you bleed.

“Jeon! Look out!”  

Without a warning, the other team’s captain had punched him in the face, hard enough to bust his lip.

Jungkook just sighed, shook his head as if he were disappointed (He was, in fact disappointed, did this dumbass not known what he could do to him?), and calmly just brushed his white glove against his lip, internally wishing he could see his red blood smeared across it.

And there it was, a streak of blood. Then, Jungkook punched him back – not stopping until his face was almost disfigured – suits him for even trying to mess with Jeon Jungkook.

Around an hour later, Jungkook already knew he was going to be chewed out by the college dean, so he was already counting down from 100 on his way to seminar room number 3.

“54, 53, 52, 51,” he muttered under his breath, pushing back his – now long (he really ought to cut it now, it was starting to get into his eyes) – hair back with his left hand, and entered the room. He could see he interrupted a lecture, and was almost about to head back when-

“Oh! Jeon Jungkook, what a pleasure!” he heard the college dean speak in his pretentious, and extremely conceited voice, here we go again.

“Everyone! Welcome Doctor Jeon Jungkook, he’s one of our in-house surgeons. Topper of the college, topper of the board, topper of the university. In fact, he’s of the one of the best – if not the best student SNU has ever got the chance to teach. He’s got the most impeccable academic record, of all time, now going to teach biochemistry to first year undergraduates this year,” Jungkook scoffed when he heard the entire class clap their hands at his arrival, after the Dean’s speech that complimented him, but he knew better, he kne-

“But what’s the use of all that? In anger management, he scores a zero. He’s a classic example for all of you, if you can’t hold your anger in, you’re nothing more than a murderer with surgical instruments in an emergency ward. Without compassion, your degree is of no use to me. Even a low score is acceptable to me, but not that behaviour,”

Was he trying to rile Jungkook up on purpose?

“Please continue, sir, I really loved the analysis you’ve done on me, please do continue,” The words flew out of Jungkook’s mouth as he made his way up the stairs to the stage where the dean stood.

“What behaviour is this? I need you to write an apology letter to Sungkyunkwan University, and to the college board as well,” 

It was clear the dean was about to get off the stage, before well, Jungkook spoke again. The dean didn’t really think he was getting off this easily, did he?

“Football is a violent sport, the minute they entered our territory, and tried to abuse the rules, that’s the minute everything and anything is allowed. As far as the apology goes, I’d rather quit the college than write that bullshit,”

The seminar room was so quite that a pin dropped would shatter the silence. Jungkook smirked before he exited, “I won’t lose anything by leaving SNU, any other medical program in the world will be ready to accept me, the only reason I stay in this hellhole is because I enjoy the spring in Seoul. But imagine the loss of pride that SNU will experience once Jeon Jungkook leaves the establishment,”

Jungkook walked across the campus cafeteria as he tried to find his lighter in his pocket, fiddling with his cigarette in his other hand. “Are you seriously going to leave?” Jimin runned after him, struggling with his lab coat, “what will you get out of this? Just write the goddamn apology,”

Jungkook decided to settle on a table where three rowdy boys sat, flexing their muscles, but as they saw Jungkook approaching, they simply muttered apologies before scattering away, leaving the table.

Jimin-ah,” Jungkook smiled as he puffed his cigarette, “there’s nothing for me here, besides, I was planning to move to the US, anyways,”

“And leave me and Tae here? Wow, you’re such a considerate friend, you know,” Jungkook saw Jimin pout, and smiled.

It was really a miracle that he made his first two friends ever while his second year, here at SNU. Jimin loved pets, and was practicing to become a vet, while Taehyung was – kind of – crazy, and even scared Jungkook the first time he met him. He’s pretty sure Tae would’ve set the lab on fire if Jungkook hadn’t studied chemical properties before his class. At first, he hated it when both of them would tag along, following him to lunch, inviting themselves into his mansion, and forcing him to go to the arcade with them – but soon, he had learned to love being around them.

While looking around for Tae, so he could finally break the news of him leaving, his eyes landed on your figure. Now, Jungkook had never believed in love at first sight. Hell, he didn’t even believe in love, so, love at first sight seemed a little – well, impossible. But here you were, the reason why Jungkook felt like his heart was going to come out of his ribcage, it felt as if Jungkook had been struck by cupid, because the way you looked so adorable in your pink dress had left Jungkook feeling giddy. Seoul had a lot of pretty girls, he saw them every day, some of them even deserved to be on the cover of Vogue – but you, you were different, Something about you, your vibe, your pink cheeks and eyes that curled up when you smiled, something about you was difference.

Jungkook looked down at his letter of quitting, and simply tore it down when saw your figure leave the cafeteria.

“I can’t believe this, you see one of the first years, and suddenly, you want to stay?” Jimin shouts and slams his fat book on the table, muttering curse words.

Intimidating the first years – ragging, as they called it – had always been Jungkook’s favourite thing to do. Every year he’d either make them do ridiculous tasks, like eating a living goldfish, or running around the block naked. However, this time, it was different.

He made sure he entered the class taught by the foreign professor, so he could sneak in a couple of threats without making too much of a scene in front of the directors. As he excused himself in the full class, he couldn’t help but be glad that he looked quite… intimidating today. Everyone was already, well, scared of him, but his leather jacket, motorbike, and bandages on his fingers (which are actually there because he hurt his fingers by writing too much – not from the constant fights that people think he’s immersed into), they just add to his picture.

“There’s a medical camp soon for freshmen, so I would like to make an announcement,” Jungkook smiles, but everyone can sense the chilly aura underneath that smile, “I would also like to speak in Korean, since they’re mostly fluent in it,”

“Yes, Mr. Jeon, you may continue,” the British Professor smiles back – she can’t deny him, he’s her co-worker now, after all.

“Listen to me carefully,” Jungkook lets his tongue poke his inner cheek, as he brushes back his – way too long – hair, “I’m not going to repeat this in English, and that dumbass shouldn’t get a clue of what I’m saying,” he says as he nods politely at the professor on the slightly lifted stage. Once he confirms that she can’t understand a word, he turns her back towards her, and walks across the class, staring at everyone with a predatory look in his dark eyes.

“There’s a new girl, freshman, she’s mine. Other than her, you can woo any girl you like, but if I even so catch anyone staring at her, let alone trying to get on those cute study dates, or pretending to be in the same hobbies as her,” he looks across the stadium, “you’ll end up in bandages. With a failing grade in my class.”

Jungkook can’t help but present a fake smile, “don’t look so scared, idiots, you don’t want her,” he nods off to the professor, “to think I’m saying something wrong,”

“Why does it sound like a threat?” A nameless teenager from the back speaks up, which makes Jungkook’s smile slide off faster than sound travels.

“I’m not threatening you. I’m warning you. Besides, don’t even try to outsmart me, don’t worry new girls come in every year, you’ll have your chances. Now don’t sulk, or look suspicious. Circulate this message around, I don’t have enough time to go to every single unit,” he scans everyone’s face again, making sure they digested his new given information.

Once he’s satisfied, he convert back to English, “Good luck with the camp, guys. Meet you in my class tomorrow,” and with one last threatening smile, he’s gone.

“What did he say? Why did it sound like a threat?” the teacher joked once Jungkook left, and the class couldn’t help but immediately deny the threatening tone. After all, no one wanted to face Jeon Jungkook’s wrath.

Your nervous jitters were still present, and you don’t want to admit, but you did tear up a little when you saw your parent’s car become smaller and smaller as it continued to drive down the road, till it finally is so far that you can’t even make it out with your eyes.

While most people had roommates of their own year, you were stuck with a sophomore and you didn’t exactly know whether that was a good thing, or a bad one. She had made very clear about what side of room was hers, and why it was hers, and how you’re not even allowed to get onto her side – and that did make you a little annoyed, because how could someone be so pretentious, but throughout the span of three days, the pretentious-ness was definitely wearing out. She’d cook dinner for you every day, because you didn’t have a rice cooker and she did (which, you really needed to invest in a rice cooker because you can pretty much cook anything in that fucker), and she was amazing at giving advice for every single teacher out there. You still had to get used to her high use of curse words, but it’s just what made her, her.

“Oh damn, you got the worst professors out there, bro you better goddamn pull your socks up, otherwise things aren’t gonna look pretty this semester,” you heard her chuckle, as she sits on her bed with one leg on top of the other.

“Why? Who’s so bad?”

Fucking hell. You already had had enough of bad teachers, it’s almost like you were cursed because your high school teachers were literally out to get you – but you guess it was a blessing in disguise because that just made you work even harder (just to spite them, hah), and you somehow ended up here, at SNU, one of the most prestigious colleges in Korea.

“It’s actually not all that bad, you got Mr. Lee for microbiology. He isn’t all that bad, but just don’t sit in the front row unless you want spit on your face every time he talks. I swear it’s like he had a motherfucking fountain in his mouth. Also, he loves it when you submit your papers with a perfect format, so do that whenever you give his weekly assignments,” She says, all while applying on a red blood coloured nail polish.

You study your schedule once again, “What about Mr. Kang?”

“No fucking absolute way! You got Mr. Kang? Bitch, seems like the universe is tryna fuck you over,” she says, and then mumbles a curse when some of the rid pigment ends up on her skin.

“Is he bad? Strict?” you can’t help but already be scared of the semester, and it hasn’t even started yet.

“He’s the most pretentious fucker you’ll ever meet, he just thinks he’s the best professor because he graduated from Oxford. Big woo, motherfucker. Half of his class fails pretty much, the only two people to walk out of his class with an A* grade were this kid named Baek-woo or something, and of course, Jeon Jungkook,”

Jeon Jungkook. You swear you’ve seen that name before. Oh wait, ohhh, he was your biochemistry professor.

“Jeon Jungkook? He’s also a professor?” you look at your perfectly squared schedule, and you have his classes thrice a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

“You got him?”

“Yeah,”

“Don’t know if I should call you lucky or not, because I have no clue what he teaches like. All I know is he’s fucking crazy good at everything, and that he’s super-hot. Not that he’s really interested in any girls, also I personally think he’s mental or something,” your roommate had finally finished painting her feet, and was now letting them sway in the air, and dry.

She spent the next hour talking about Jungko- Professor Jeon was basically a murder, a thug, a gang member or whatever even. You just laughed at the thought of it all.

First day, and you’re more nervous than you intended to be. It wasn’t going well, at all.  You had decided to look chic today, with your new (way too expensive) designer blazer, and your nude high heels, but here you were, sitting in the fourth row, wearing a red polka dress that made you look like a freshman. A high school freshman, not a college freshman.

You cursed yourself for buying a fake version of the nude heels (also, you could feel a tear forming in your eyes when you saw the heel broken, when you finally unpacked your belongings, but you sucked it right back in), you also wished your roommate was dead, because now you were sitting on your bed with a coffee stain on your blazer (no amounts of sorry could fix this disaster).

Also, you couldn’t help but notice an ungodly amount of stares thrown at you – not from hate, but just from sheer curiosity, and you were just so self-conscious because of it all, that you slipped from the last few stairs down the hostel causing your bare knees to get the nastiest scrape. Fuck, that’s going to hurt.

So when you finally settled in your Biochemistry class, you couldn’t help but well, be scared. There were rumours of Jeon Jungkook, your new teacher to be. Rumours that he used to be in a gang and dealt with drugs, and underground fights. There was a rumour that he once put a room to fire, killing almost 50 people. Also, that one time when he came to school with bandages on his hands – probably because he punched people to death, or hospitalizing them. There are rumours about him running over people on his motorcycle as well, and you can’t help but be extra conscious about this class, in fact you wouldn’t even have opt for it in the first place if you knew that Jeon Jungkook was the one teaching it. But, even since you’ve transferred, you’ve just told yourself that these were just rumours, and not everything is the truth.

Till now. He entered the class, probably not following the teacher’s dress code – you were pretty positive that leather jackets and ripped jeans weren’t exactly allowed, but he just looked so hot good, that you could let it slide. His stare lingered on you for quite a while, and you couldn’t help but fidget in your seat, avoiding eye contact.

“You, in the fourth row,”

You could see him pointing at you, but you just internally wished that it wasn’t actually, well you, that he was calling. Looking around, you see several other people in your row, maybe he was pointing towards the girl on your left that looked way more presentable than you.  Or maybe it was the boy on your left with glasses way too big for his face.

“You, in the red polka dot dress, come here,” Professor Jeon looked at you, and smiled? Why would he smile when he looked at you?

(You also quickly dismissed the thought that he has the cutest bunny smile you’ve ever seen, where his eyes crinkle slightly, and his cheeks bunch up – because that’s just inappropriate, even though the age gap isn’t that big.)

He quickly examines your knees, and you swear you see a flash of surprise (and worry?), and before you can register what is going on, he kneels down in front of you, and clicks his tongue, as if wanting to scold you.

“Sit here, in the front row where I can see you,” he says, after a few seconds of inspecting your new injury, and as you adjust yourself, you can’t help but be uncomfortable from the gazes of your classmates that disappear as soon as Professor Jeon starts teaching. Getting into SNU was a nightmare, and you weren’t going to let yourself fail any classes, but instead of listening to what Jungkook was teaching – which but the way, he taught way better than any of the other staff there. But his stare. His stare was terrifying.

His aura was definitely dangerous, and red sirens were bursting in your head, telling you to keep your distance from him. His deathly stare seemed anything but inviting, and when the boy to your right asked you about the syllabus, you couldn’t help but shiver under Jungkook’s Professor Jeon’s glare. He spent the next ten minutes shouting at the poor boy, who looked as if he was about to faint any second now. Scary.

Ever since, you’ve been avoiding any contact with him, even purposely ignoring him when he asked you what happened to your knee. (You tell yourself that his sad puppy face doesn’t bother you but in reality, it breaks your heart, and every time you try to sleep, it haunts you. (You then remind yourself about the numerous rumours he’s into, and the last thing you want to get in between is drama and romance)).

The first time Jungkook heard your name was through Taehyung (no, he wasn’t jealous that Tae knew your name before him, but he couldn’t help but want to reverse back time, just so he could learn your name before Taehyung did. Why did Tae know your name before he did?), and your name was on his tongue the entire day. Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, all he could think about was how your hair would feel when he would brush his fingers through it, how your hand would fit into his, how you would look in his oversized t-shirts. (Occasionally, he would also think how you would look, laying on his bed, underneath him – but the sheer thought of it gets him hot and bothered and what not, and he doesn't have the time to be fooling around, that too, with a student).

So when he saw you sitting with one hand on top of the other, in his class, he couldn’t help the smile when his eyes landed on you, you just looked so, so adorable in your little dress. The thought of you being away from him, just killed him inside so he had to ask you to sit in the front row, where he could look at you as much as he wants to, all while teaching his class. Of course, he saw red in his eyes when he saw your knees tainted with blood, and all he wanted was to wrap a bandage on it, he couldn’t bear to look at you, sitting in pain – but for once in his life, he was considerate and thought that you might not want the uninvited attention.

That consideration came to bite him in the ass, because you left before you could hear him, and as he saw you blend into the crowd, he couldn’t help but curse under his breath and want to punch the next person he sees.

There’s a lot that Jungkook changes throughout the first week of classes, he attaches a second seat to the end of his motorbike (because when you both start dating, he’ll have to take you around), and even cuts his long hair – in case you don’t like it, it could grow back anyways. He always has a packet of your favourite chocolate in the left pocket of his bag (no, he didn’t threaten the guy at the nearest 7/11 to tell him the candy you’ve been buying lately (he also denies the fact that he bought three plushies for you, that are currently sitting on his side table (the white rabbit with red cheeks reminds him a lot of you))). He can’t, but he tries to smoke way less, tries to buy less cigarettes, tries to chew gum instead, or drink more water. And he would never admit it, but he took a photo of your student profile, and set it as his wallpaper. Jimin and Taehyung exchange a couple of looks after discovering this fact, but don't say anything about it - none of their business, right?

Being an undergrad professor also has it’s perks, he can look at all your records, and well, currently, you’re failing Mr. Kang’s class – anatomy 101. Finally, a fucking excuse to talk to you, because the way you basically run after his class ends makes him think you’re avoiding him? But you wouldn’t do that to him… right?

Because of you, Jungkook has been rocking some Massive dark circles (with a capital M, because boy, they are blue and way too dark in comparison to his actual skin tone), the only reason being your existence and all he does is Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, while tossing in his bed at 3AM, thinking of how you smiled when he tried to crack a joke in the class, thinking of your pushing his fingers through your hair, thinking of how you fumbled with your thumbs before mumbling your answer to his sudden question.

“So, Y/N, what do you think out of all these,” he motions towards the options, “does not act as a restriction enzyme?”

He just wanted to coo over how your thumbs fought with each other, as you tried (key word, tried), to answer his really easy question. (It actually wasn’t even that easy, you were just too scared to get anything below a B in Professor Jeon’s class, so you ended up studying two chapters ahead of your syllabus – despite his fast pace). So, you knew the answer was Polydeoxtribonucleotide synthase, but for the love of god, you just couldn’t pronounce that word.  

“It’s, uh, polydetr-,” you swear your breath was knocked out when he started walking towards you, oh God, why was he walking towards you?

“Yes, continue,” he smiles while standing, literally right in front of you. How does he expect you to answer when he’s looking at you as if you have all the answers of the universe. As if you were, I don’t know, Aphrodite or something.

“Uh, it’s the option D,”

“And that is?”

That motherfucker. He knew you couldn’t pronounce it.

“Polydo-“ you were positive that at this point you weren’t even breathing.

“Hey, just take a deep breath and try again,” He said, while taking your left hand in his own, and massaged it. You were positive everyone in the lab was looking at you, but their stares didn’t even compare to your hot teacher’s burning gaze.

“Poly-deo-,” you take a breath in,”x-tribo-nucleotide synthase,”

“That’s right, the answer is Polydeoxtribonucleotide synthase,” Jungkook says without having any trouble with the word, and before he gets away from you, he smiles in your direction, and says, “Good girl,”

You’re left to yourself wondering if this is a dream or if that just happened.

Jungkook’s day was going just terrible. His landlord had to be the cheapest bastard he knows, who just wouldn’t fix the water system, so for a week he was basically stuck with showering with ice cold water. On top of that, he was wearing a bruise on the left side of his face, it was all red and blue because last night he was too drunk to notice his book shelf that he installed last week.

He was supposed to be in the cafeteria right now, because at approximately 1:30 PM, your stupid microbiology class ended, and you headed straight to lunch after that, before your anatomy class. It had been, well give or take, around two weeks since the semester started, and he thought he would get over you soon, but you were just so goddamn adorable, and cute, and all Jungkook ever wanted was to squish your cheeks and press your body closer to his.

He finally reached the bustling cafeteria, ugh, he absolutely hated the noise there – so he never really ate there, preferring the quite café around the corner, but he knew you were on some sort of dumb student meal plan that only profits the university, and not actually you.

He’s expecting to find you sitting with your laptop (with a red smiley star sticker on the top right, which is just goddamn adorable (and no, that definitely isn’t the reason why Jungkook too, has a red smiley star sticker on his laptop now)). But you’re there, with some random ugly boy’s arm sprawled over your shoulder, as you giggle repeatedly at his bad jokes.

He sits on the table on your right and loudly slams his old anatomy book, before taking a seat. Here he was, all prepared with notes on what you were failing, all ready to teach you what you didn’t understand, spending all night making flashcards (he also ripped that one flashcard where on one side he wrote, “Will you go out with me?” and the other side blank, so you could write your response. He argues with himself that it wasn’t because he was shy or scared you’d say no – it was because it’s too cheesy).

His blood just boils when he sees you not removing – he finds out the boy’s name is Kim Seokjin – his ugly hand from your own, and just gets up and walks away after you giggle for the nth time on his not even funny jokes.

(Later that night, Jungkook tells himself he’s way better than that Seokjin bastard, even if Seokjin’s skin is flawless, and even if he has a handsome smile, and even if he can cook, and even if he can make you smile. Jungkook couldn’t have flawless hands because of all the callouses he has from writing too much, and his bruises might take a while to heal (he even puts an icepack on them now), and he could learn how to cook something other than instant noodles, and he could learn some jokes from the internet. He could be better than Seokjin, he would be better than anyone for you).

You love the feeling when things go perfect, and today was just so perfect. You fried an egg, all round a perfect circle and the yolk didn’t even break – which it always does when you flip it. Then, you sharpened a pencil and somehow the nib came out more than perfect, which made you all giggly and what not. Everyone in your friends circle at this point knew that you were the biggest hoe for cute stationery. Then, your anatomy class got cancelled and you were just so happy, and you even made a new friend today, Kim Seokjin.

You were a little uncomfortable when he smoothly glided his right arm over your shoulder, but he was just so funny, and he bought you the special menu items today – so you couldn’t even complain. After all, you really looked at him as a big brother because all he talked about was how his roommate was a complete asshole.

(“I told him to get me some water – which he should, because I’m older than him, and he should totally respect me,” he says, with an exaggerated and exasperated sigh.

“And he did what?”

“He brought a glass full of ice and told me to wait,”)

The one thing that you were, in fact really over thinking was about that one professor of yours. Jeon Jungkook. As you let the water cascade down your body in the tiny (really tiny) cubicle of the washroom that you shared with your roommate, Hye-jin.

“I noticed Kook looking at you in the cafeteria that day, y’know the whole campus is talking about it,”

“Uh, yeah, it’s kind of hard not to notice,”

“I’m guessing you don’t know about the whole speech he gave in that one class at the start of the semester?”

Jungkook doesn’t really believes in love at first sight, but after stalking you on social media, he knew he was a goner for you. (Especially after that one video of yours where you’re trying to pet a dog, but the dog runs away, and you end up pouting at the camera. (Yes, he screen recorded the video and watched it a billion times before sleeping)). 

He has never had the urge to protect someone other than himself, and maybe his friends. But you, it was different with you – he doesn’t know if it was the small chub in your cheeks, or the way your ears would turn red when he would ask you something, or the way you would walk, or the way you slapped your thigh when you laughed, or the aroma of your citrus shampoo when you would walk past him, or your habit of getting coming down to the convenience store to grab ramen every Thursday night at 10 PM. 

He doesn’t know it, but he knows he’s meant to love you, meant to keep you in his life, meant to be yours, and meant to make you his.  

He has endured, yet another week where he hasn’t talked to you – and not gonna lie, it’s actually driving him crazy. Every day he sees you talking to Seokjin and laughing with others, while he sits and does nothing other than gawk at you.

During class, while he did occasionally glance your way, he still has 73 students to teach, and this being his first year as a teacher, he can’t afford any sort of mishaps at all.

But every man on this Earth has their limits. And Jungkook’s limit was watching Seokjin kiss your cheek. While you did (playfully) punch him on the shoulder, and you did shout out ‘Gross!’, Jungkook was sure that you definitely didn’t mean that punch, and you definitely didn’t think he was gross.

Did you think that Jungkook was gross? Why didn’t you ever visit him during office hours? Because every single girl in his class was sure to meet him for some dumb question, or to ask for extra credit. But you didn’t. Did you like Seokjin? Did you like someone else?

The next time he sees you is on Friday, during his class and he just knows, he knows he can’t go through today without talking to you, and the only way to do that is to-

“Y/N, could you stay after class, please?” he says, without even giving you a glance.

You mutter a silent yes, and keep your head down for the rest of the class, trying your best to ignore the mumbles of the class, talking about you and why you get to be treated different from others.

“You wanted to talk to me?” you say as you walk around the long table, running your fingers along the marble shelf.

“Do you wanna go out with me?”

What. What the heck?

You chuckle, thinking it’s some sort of sick prank he’s playing, you wait for him to say ‘Sike!’ but it never comes. Then you think that maybe, just maybe he does actually want to take you out? No. No way, he probably just wants to get alone with you in an alley, where he would kill you – or even worse, sell you off.

“No, thank you. If that’s all, am I allowed to go?” you say all this, in the smallest, most polite voice possible, after all the last thing you wanted was to piss off your professor. (who might be in a gang, who knows at this point?)

“What? Why?” he says, almost panicked, and you hear a shuffle of items as he makes his way to you, trying to watch you before you leave again. He sees your face morphed into an expression of extreme boredom. Fuck, he had to do something, quick.

“Not to be rude, but Professor, I just don’t think it’s right – or even allowed for us to date,” you say, trying your best not to look at him, shuffling your bag on your shoulder, because fuck, he looked so sad – his eyes almost looked glassy, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“You don’t have to date Professor Jeon, you can just date me as the graduate student here. I’m, still a student here, Y/N,”

“And? You’re also like four years older than me,”

“Three years,” he says, pouting. Ugh, he’s so cute.

“That doesn’t make it any better,”

“It doesn’t?” he sighs.

“No, I’m still your student, and you’re still my teacher,”

“Tell me, Y/N, did you take chemistry in high school?” he asks, while quickly walking to the back and mixing some chemicals that he definitely wasn’t supposed to touch without gloves on.

“Yes, why?”

“Well, I’m currently holding, uh it’s either Acetonitrile or Iodine mixed with Vitamin C,” he says, and you can see both the liquids, which he mixes together without a worry in the world.

“And? Professor Jeon, what are you going to do?” you walk over to him, slower than ever, taking one step at a time.

‘Please, call me Jungkook. Or Kook, if you feel like it,” he gives you one of his signature smiles, that you should be used to by now – but you just get flustered every time.

“Now, will you go out with me?” he asks again, this time in a much more hopeful tone.

“No,” you say, drawing out the ‘o’, when will get the clue?

“Fine, I guess I’ll just drink this,” he looks at the two glass beakers in his hands, and pours the both of them into a much bigger glass container, “and die,”

You scoff, thinking he’s bluffing, “Yeah, yeah, go on,”

Of course, he’s bluffing because there is no absolute way that he’ll be mad enough to drink goddamn Acetonitrile, unless he wants his cardiovascular system, central nervous system, liver and kidneys to, I don’t know, stop working.

“I’ll ask this again, Y/N, just one date, will you go out with me?” he says, while picking up the glass container, closer to his face, and you actually want to play this game till the end. No way is he going to drink this.

“No,”

“Okay then,” he puts his lips on the container, and by now, you’ve actually started to get a bit scared. What if he does it? What if this crazy idiot actually drinks the fatal formula?

And then it happens. He drinks it. He fucking drinks it.

“What the fuck? Jungkook!”

“I’ll ask you again, will you go out with me?” he says after taking the biggest gulp ever. Is this his way of attempting suicide?

“Yes! Yes, oh god, I’ll go out with you!”

“Don’t say it like you’re doing me a favour,” he says, attempting to take another sip of the deadly liquid.

“No! I- Can you stop doing that? Stop drinking it! I’ll go out with you. In fact, I want to go out with you! Really!” you shout, trying to take the container away from him, scared shitless.

“Fuck, do I call 911?” you say, as you attempt to take your phone out of your 110 pound heavy bag. Then you hear him chuckle and throw away the remaining odourless, colourless solution.

“Relax, it was just water, I was just trying to scare you, but hey! You’ve agreed to a date with me, so it’s a win-win isn’t it?” Jungkook smiles sloppily, perching his elbow up on the table and letting his chin rest in his palm.

You can’t believe him. You really can’t.

You pretend to pick something up from the floor, “Professor, it seems you dropped something on the floor,”

“What?” he tries to look at your hand, to see what’s there, and just as you get his attention, you smack him across the face.

“Your common sense, you moron! What the hell were you thinking? Even if that was water, this could have traces of some really harmful chemicals and you ought to know better because you’re a goddamn teacher how could you be so careless you could have actually died-”

“But I didn’t, and now you’re going out with me,”

You can’t help the smile that creeps on your face, as your eyes glass up. You really had thought that he was going to die, or at the very least – harm himself severely.

“You’re so dumb, Jeon,” you say as you punch him, trying to suck your tears right back in – but they weren’t co-operating at all, and you let them fall down across your cheeks, causing Jungkook’s, breath to hitch up as soon as he sees them.

“Wait, wait, wait, are you crying? No, please don’t cry! Oh no, oh, I didn’t mean to… I was trying to make you laugh…” Jungkook says as his heart runs at 850 BMP a minute, trying to caress your face, trying to stop the tears from filling your eyes.

“What kind of sick-o would laugh at their professor dying? Are you mental?” you choke out, while trying your god-darn best to stop crying, because he was very much alive and right in front of you.

“I’m sorry, oh god, what should I do? What do girls like?” Jungkook was absolutely mortified. The first time he has ever talked to you – and he manages to make you cry. He totally royally fucked up. Big time.

He almost googled, ‘how to stop girl from crying’ and reading the wiki-how page, but decided against it, and hugged you – because that’s what his therapist told him to do when he hurts his loved ones. He would never – it wasn’t in him to physically ever hurt you. He couldn’t even bear the thought of that ever, and so when he did hug you, your sobbing decreased by a lot, and he felt much much better. Also, after holding you in his embrace, he realized how much he needed you to be next to him – to say Jungkook was touch starved is an extreme understatement, he loved the way he could you fit under him, the way your hair had a citrusy aroma, the way your arms hugged him back, it was comfortable. And Jungkook was positive that he could stay like this forever – if needed to.

You didn’t realize when he hugged you, but when he did, you were finally over the shock of thinking your crazy, dumb and hot professor had actually had some water instead of some deadly chemicals – and you weren’t the cause of his death. You wanted to hate him, but how could you? How could you just judge him upon some rumours that were just there to fit in the pieces of his live that he wouldn’t let other people know?

“I- I have a faculty meeting in five minutes,” you hear him speak, the vibration passing through his body – shaking you with it.

You clear your throat before letting go, and can’t help but feel the embarrassment rise out of you, in the form of red cheeks. You keep your head down, as he walks out the door of the lab, leaving you behind – but right before he leaves, he reminds you of your current situation, “Can’t wait for our date, sweets!”

Asshole.

From Unknown Number

[1:38 AM]

Y/N-ieeee

r u sleeping

this is kook btw

To Prof JK

[1:40 AM]

how did u get my num??????

also do u not THINK before assigning all this hw :(

From Prof JK

[1:41 AM]

u should be sleeping rn bby

all i assigned was some reading???? and some worksheets????  

is it too much????

im so sry

To Prof JK

[1:50 AM]

well i do have a life outside of hw yknow

also im a huge procrastinator lmao

From Prof JK

[1:51 AM]

:( why r u taking so long to reply

r u busy

r u sleepy

also what life???? i’ve only ever seen u either at the library or the internet café down the street

whats my name saved in ur conatcts ;)))))

i saved urs as princess <3

To Prof JK

[1:54 AM]

it’s prof jk

From Prof JK

[1:55 AM]

thats boring :( im ur future bf now

also wanted to remind u the date is tomo so be ready

You don’t think before you change his name to Kook ‘Jungkook’.

To Jungkook

[1:57 AM]

oh yea how could i forget the fact that u tried to fake poison urself

also what?? date???

From Jungkook

[1:58 AM]

first of all, im so sry abt that i’ll buy u ur fav chocos

second of all, BRO

U LITERALLY SWORE U WOULD GO ON A DATE WIT ME

U PROMISED ME

To Jungkook

[2:01 AM]

i guess i changed my mind lololol

From Jungkook

[2:02 AM]

y????

look i know its weird some nuts prof asks u to go on a date with him

i know u don’t know me

but i know me

and i know i would do anything 4 u

i’ll be anything u want me to be

i can be smart

i can be funny too

i can try to cook for u maybe???? some pasta???

i could dance 4 u?????

To Jungkook

[2:06 AM]

dance????

no offense prof, but u seem so stiff

no way u can dance

From Jungkook

[2:08 AM]

is that a challenge…???

just tell me what u want and i’ll be that for u

To Jungkook

[2:09 AM]

u r dumb

From Jungkook

[2:10 AM]

i could be that

if u want me to be

come on, just ONE date i promise i’ll leave u alone after that if u don’t like it

To Jungkook

[2:13 AM]

mm… sis i guess u should start to figure something out then

bcz this aint good enough

see ya

From Jungkook

[2:14 AM]

ugh i cant force but :( pls?

istg itll be the best day of ur life

To Jungkook

[2:15 AM]

yea ok whatever u say im not going anywhere with u

night

From Jungkook

[2:16 AM]

goodnight!!!!!!

Don’t think too mucb about me

much*

To Jungkook

[2:18 AM]

In ur dreams

From Jungkook

[2:32 AM]

oh u do come in my dreams ;))

✓ Seen by princess <3 

The next couple of days, you get some… gifts from a not so secret admirer. And you definitely didn’t change him name from ‘Prof Jeon’, to ‘Jungkook,’ to ‘Jungkookie <3’ in the span of 11 days. (And you most definitely didn’t feel giddy from inside every time you received a notification that read, ‘One New Message from Jungkookie <3’.

“You’re not very subtle, Professor Jeon,” you stay around after his class, watching him put away his books in is leather back. You can tell he was surprised by your action of staying back, but you had to put a stop to what was happening.

The next morning after he texted you for the first time, you had a Huge – with a capital H – bouquet of red roses, and you’ll admit you teared up a bit after looking at it, after all it was your first time receiving flowers from a boy (or man? (a man that was actual eye candy, but you’ll never admit that)).

Two days later,

From Jungkookie <3

[1:53 AM]

look outside

To Jungkookie <3

[1:54 AM]

dont tell me u r outside dumbass its like 2am

Lo and behold, Jungkook’s standing in the middle of the road, holding a single red rose and smiling. There’s a stark difference between his current self, and his demeanour during class – now the moonlight hits his unmade fluffy hair and cheeks, making him look years younger than he is. You can’t help but shout, ‘You idiot! You’ll catch a cold!’ while probably waking up several angry sleep deprived students in the process, but you can’t help but laugh at the way he dances for you. On this cold, lonely night, he brought you the warmth you didn’t know you needed.

It seemed that after that, Jungkook and you were the talk of the town, people would wait for both of you to get together, place bets on when you would finally say yes to him. On the other hand, you received candies from him, you had access to the teacher’s lounge coffee (which was honestly a huge plus point, now you could save five dollars on watery coffee, and have some actual caffeine), and he had pre-paid the 7/11 dude $500 in cash, so he wouldn’t even accept your payments now. The one thing that you actually appreciated him the most for was that he made you flashcards for Mr. Kang’s class (which you were failing, real bad), and while it wasn’t much, you still bumped you ‘F’ to a ‘D’, that just remained the highlight of your goddamn month.

To Jungkookie <3

[2:08 PM]

JUST GOT MY TEST BACK AND GUESS WHAT BITCH

From Jungkookie <3

[2:09 PM]

hi baby girl

:( i’ve noticed u r cursing a lot nowadays

To Jungkookie <3

[2:11 PM]

i’ve noticed u calling me baby lately but u don't see me whining so stfu

ALSO I DIDN’T FAIL

i mean i still kinda failed but it’s not a F

From Jungkookie <3

[2:13 PM]

im so proud of u, u r so so so smart

:( i wonder if u would let me teach u maybe???? tutor u???

✓ Seen 2:15 PM by princess <3

One of his much, much grander displays of affections was, well, kind of weird, he bought you a penguin. You were a proud, and extremely happy mother of a cute penguin named Otis.

From Jungkook <3

[9:07 AM]

ok but what would u want as a pet

To Jungkook <3

[10:38 AM]

penguin!!!!

You knew it must’ve cost him a fortune, and his job as a professor must not be enough, but you had always dreamed of being able to hold the certificate of your baby, and be able to monitor it, and be able to be the one to feed it (well, not literally). And he had to pay for his own grad school fees, which must be a total nightmare on its own – here you were, in his class, waiting for him to pack up so you could maybe pay him back a little?

By no means could you afford a $3000 penguin, but you could maybe ask him if there’s something you could do?

“So, Prof, how would you like me to re-pay you?” you honestly half expected a sex joke on his part – maybe because he looks like a fuckboy on steroids and snorts a lot of protein powder before hitting the gym.

“Um, maybe a hug?”

Oh. Ohhhh. Oh. Unexpected. Okay. Calm yourself down.

“A hug?” you tried not to look at his face, because you knew if you did, it would be hard, way too hard to be able to resist him. You knew he was all dangerous, and bad boy and what not – but, this man, the one with the bunny smile and the fluffy hair, and the one who smelled more like freshly baked bread rather than the axe cologne spray you had imagine, he wasn’t a gang member or a delinquent. He was simply asking for love.

“Why a hug?”

“Just… never really hugged anyone properly,” Jungkook knew he wasn’t asking for much. He could’ve asked for a date, or a kiss, or just anything, but all he wanted was to hold you.

It had been a hard week for him. Being a grad student wasn’t easy no matter how many hours of study you pull in, and no matter how much knowledge you attained – while he was way better off than his peers – he knew he couldn’t afford the failure – he was just starting to feel less and less like a human, and more like a robot. Also, it wasn’t easy to be an undergraduate professor – in fact, it was fucking hell. Your peers, and the entire fucking batch was just so hopelessly dumb – he doesn’t want to admit but he even cringes at some of the mistakes you made (who mixes up chemicals! They’re the most difficult to mess up!) and he hated it when he would just have to give you a ‘C,’ instead of the ‘A,’ you actually deserved (because you’re so smart and he can see it! But you’re also so stubborn, sigh).

Lately, it seems like without his therapist, life just seemed more difficult. When he looks at the broken pencils, the pieces of wood sitting on his table, the teared up paper, and the headache he was constantly in – he’s taken back to the 12 year old Jungkook who couldn’t control his hands, who did nothing but hurt those around him. He looks at his hands, he hates them, they hurt people without his permission. 

Sometimes, he would cry, because why couldn’t he simply control himself? Why did his anger, the red in his eyes, the strength of his arm always win over his subconscious and ability to think correct? Why couldn’t he simply re-do a question he got wrong instead of breaking pencils and tearing up everything apart? Why were there numerous holes in the wall covered by posters? Why did this animalistic rage always win over him? Why him?

Jungkook spends the night dreaming of actually being able to help patients, and operating instead of simply… being useless.

So, in that moment, he just wanted comfort. Simple as that. He doesn’t recall anyone ever hugging him in his life, maybe half sided hugs from coaches and professor, or the ones that Tae forces onto him, but other than that, Jungkook has never had an interest in physical contact with people – always thinking it was way showing vulnerability, but with you, he just wanted to be normal.

He didn’t want you to know him as the weird, crazy idiot with anger management issues, or the druggie who smokes weed 24/7, he just wanted you to know him as the real Jungkook he is. The real Jungkook who has iron man socks, and has a fear of microwaves.

So when you do hug him, and feel his arms by your side, and you can’t help but want to stay this way. Surprisingly, it isn’t you who breaks the hug, and you actually want more of it, more of that soft feel of his black shirt against your cheek, more of his hard arms closing you in, more of his warmth.

You clear your throat, and… you don’t know what to do.

“So, um, thanks y’know f-for Otis. You really didn’t have to, I mean I appreciate it I really do, it was more than anything anyone’s every done for me y’know? So like, um, yeah, I uh-“ you mentally curse yourself, just stop speaking already.

“You named it Otis? That’s such a basic penguin name,” Jungkook chuckles, hoping to make you even slightly mad, and the fact that you looked at him with an expression of shock and anger just added to his satisfaction.

Just like that, the awkward layer in the air no longer lingers, and settles to soft banter, something you enjoyed.

“Excuse me? It’s like, the cutest name ever, and whoever thinks against that is a total meathe-“

“I’ve never seen someone be angry and look adorable at the same time,”

“Well, mama didn’t raise no bitch, I will adorably kick your ass, Jungkook,”

“On a first name basis now? Guess I’m making progress,”

“I hate you so much,”

And now twelve minutes and seventeen seconds later, here you both were, sitting on the bench outside the local 7/11, sharing an egg and ham sandwich.

By no means did Jungkook ever mean to have his first lunch with you like this, he had planned it all out, first date, 100 day anniversary, his first ‘I love you,’ speech, the gift for your birthday in January – he didn’t expect to sit on the side of the road at the old, rusty (and really uncomfortable) bench, eating a one dollar sandwich.

You make fun of Jungkook after his high five got rejected by a passing by 5 year old-ish kid with his mom.

“He hates me,” Jungkook pouts and looks at his left hand with such sorrow and anguish that you can’t help but let the laughter bubbling in your throat let out.

“He was like 5,”

“Still, he totally ignored me as if I didn’t exist,”

You don’t even realise three hours pass by, as both, you and Jungkook (two nerds united together), talk about politics, how absolutely terrible Mr. Kang is (you laughed for three solid minutes after Jungkook tried to mimic his sneer), he basically forces you to let him tutor you in anatomy, because he just can’t see you not get an A next time (you scoff and act as if you’re doing him a favour by saying yes, while from inside you screaming happily only because now your grades will be much, much higher – you’re definitely not happy because you’ll have to spend more time with the funny, cute, really nice and just overall hot guy that smells so good).

“Oh my God,” Jungkook says as he extends an arm and feels the light rain on his palm, “it’s probably going to rain soon,”

You don’t pay too much heed until 5 minutes later, it’s turns into an intense round of teardrops on the concrete under you, and you’re left to whine about how you’ll walk till your dorm – and there was no way you were going to get a taxi because you literally lived two streets away from the store.

“Let’s dance in the rain,” Jungkook runs into the narrow street, without a care in the world, and you’re left contemplating whether you should join him or not.

“I thought you were sort of mental, but now I’m fully sure your mom dropped you on the head when you were a baby,” you shout from the bench, hoping he can hear your voice despite the loud splat of each raindrop when it meets the ground.

“Join me,” he says as he tries to pull your hand lightly, hoping you would come on your own, and while you haven’t had fun in the rain since you were a child, you can’t help but want to relive the feeling of the cold water hitting you, not knowing where you end up at.

Jungkook ends up leading you, and you both end up doing a sloppy couple’s dance with his hands on your waist, and yours on his shoulders. You look into his eyes and see a childish charm, you see an affection and a purity in his smile, in the cute not so perfect teeth he possessed, and you can’t help but smile. You had never had things come to you, you were never used to this, never used you things happening to you, for you.

After a good fifteen minutes of fooling around, he ends up walking you back to the dorm – both of you a mess, with clothes clinging to your bodies, webbed fingers, wet hair and sore cheeks from smiling too much. Somehow, you didn’t want to be apart from the boy who waved you goodbye, and you don’t end up closing the door until he goes down the stairs and you can’t see his figure anymore.

To Jungkookie <3

[6:17 PM]

im gonna have to use an entire tub of conditioner to make my hair not feel like hay

PART TWO WILL COME OUT SOON XO (there will only be 3 parts).

also, just so everyone knows I absolutely adore jin, no bashing towards him, as once @kpopyandere​ said, and I quote: For real the closest I’ve ever been to believing in god is seeing Kim seokjin’s face. Only something divine could’ve created that.

I absolutely loved writing this even though it seems like it’s all over the place kind of lol. Been super insecure of my writing lately 🥺❤️ give me validation 🤩 jk but do let me know if you liked something or if u liked something in particular or idk also lmao sry there's no smut ;))))) wait for part two

taglist: @blkjmn​ @patpus​ @vantedollz​ @letmebeyour-sun​ @zeharilisharaban​ @hpnjrph​ @livewittykid​ @yzkyzkuniverse​ @nochuactivate​ @international-kpopfan​ @gvksp4ce​ @girlontheblock​ @kisskoos​ @jeonkooksgirl​ @hytibm​ @jooniescupcakes​ @teresaisla​ @lurkerarmy​

[thenamesseven]

Plot: Yeonjun was tired of not being able to do things normal couples could do with you so when he has the opportunity to sneak out and visit the Christmas market downtown, he doesn’t hesitate to do it and drag you with him.

Word count: 4.7k

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None just fluff and a lot of cheesy stuff!

Pairing: Yeonjun x fem!reader

A/N: THIS IS FINALLY FINISHEEEED!! This oneshot was made for @key201303​ for a Christmas game I did with the network @kafenetwork​, thank you so much for letting me participate in this, I really had fun! ^^

Yeonjun couldn’t help but smile softly when he opened the door that guided into the hotel room he had been sharing with you since you arrived to the United States. Seeing you laying on the bed, hidden underneath a bunch of blankets and surrounded by all the pillows you had, the idol suddenly felt lucky, mentally asking himself how he had been able to conquist the heart of somebody as amazing as you were. 

It wasn’t easy to date somebody like him for you. The amount of attention he was getting the more famous he got was way out of your comfort zone, he had been afraid to approach you at first because of your shy and timid nature but he lowkey loved the way you fidgeted and blushed whenever the two of you talked. Nobody really had much hope in your relationship though, everyone thought you were too different, your lives were complete opposites and whoever knew you, doubted you would be able to stand the pressure you would have to deal with if your relationship went public.

However, against all odds, Yeonjun succeeded in asking you out months later after your first encounter and since that day, he had been trying his hardest to make you feel like the most special yet happiest girl in the universe. It wasn’t easy, things didn’t come out as well as he wanted every single time, sometimes his schedule got in the way, sometimes your studies did and sometimes it was simply his fame that got between the two of you but he always found a way to make you smile, there was not one day your boyfriend failed to make your heart flutter.

More than once, Yeonjun found himself thinking about it and it ended up making him feel guilty, no matter how many times you’ve reassured him, stating that your relationship was perfect the way it was, the ugly truth of him not being able to give you the things a normal boyfriend could give his girlfriend still roamed the back of his mind. For example, now that Christmas was getting closer, Yeonjun knew he wouldn’t be able to walk around town with you, holding hands as you searched for presents and made good memories together. He wouldn’t be able to run down the streets when it started snowing, dodging people to not bump into somebody, he just wouldn’t be able to visit the mall and hold your hand as you dragged him into store after store without a bunch of securities guards around you, making sure he wouldn’t get hurt.

He wanted to give you that. Even if it was for one night. 

You deserved it.

“Yeonjunie?” His heart almost melted when you poked your head out of your blanket fortress to see him standing on the door, leaning against its frame as he watched you. The smile that curved his lips simply made you fall for him all over again. “What are you doing there?” You sat up on the bed, keeping the blankets around your body, patting the empty space beside you so he would join you there “How did the interview go?” 

This was your first time travelling with him, Yeonjun and you had been dating for almost two years and were already considering moving in together so it would be easier to spend more time with each other. You knew there would still be days when Yeonjun would have to stay till really late in the studio or you would have to spend most of the night up, locked in a room preparing for one of your exams but if living together meant you would be able to spend five more minutes with him every single day, then you wanted to do it.

Before his Christmas break, TXT had scheduled their early debut in America and Yeonjun, being the clingy boyfriend he was, had used every single bit of his time to  convince you -and his boss- to fly with the band to the new continent. You hadn’t hesitated to accept the offer though, hearing the company was alright with it was incredibly surprising and you knew this was a chance you simply couldn’t miss. All your exams were done already and classes had ended, besides sharing a room for the first time would kind of simulate how living together would be.

“Not going to lie, it was kind of awkward” He admitted with a boyish smile, sitting besides you onto the bed and crossing his legs. His eyes lazily dragged to the television placed in front of you as his head landed on your shoulder, getting comfortable besides you “Soobin and Taehyun did most of the talking” 

“Mhm? What about you?” You asked looking down at him curiously, bringing your hand up to poke his cheek, Yeonjun shrugged at your question, eyes still on the television where one of those cheesy christmas movies was being played. You had been watching these kind of movies for the entire evening but never got tired of it no matter how cliche or silly they were. You were a sucker for romance films. 

“My mind was somewhere else” He confessed looking down at you, smiling when your eyes met. Your cheeks turned slightly pink at his sudden confession, not having expected that at all. “I was thinking of you all bundled up in this bed, watching these boring movies by yourself and how much you must have missed me” His smile turned into a smirk and even though he was kind of right, you would never give him that satisfaction. Rolling your eyes, you pushed him back, making him lay down and away from you, stealing some chuckles from his lips.

“Oh yeah, I missed you so much” You scoffed, fighting hard to keep the urge of laughing back as you felt him moving behind you. His long legs spread to position your body in between them and his arms easily surrounded your figure, allowing him to give you a back hug. Yeonjun’s blue hair tickled your cheek as he rested his chin on your shoulder “What’s gotten into you today?” You asked, turning your body to look back at him.

“Just missed being like this with you, I’ve been working non-stop since we got here” He said looking at you, a small pout forming on his lips "And I was hoping we would do something together, something we can't do back in Korea"

You frowned, not really following where your boyfriend was leading the conversation to. The things the two of you could do were very limited thanks to his fame, not that it bothered you, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you accepted going out with Yeonjun, so that’s why you didn’t understand what he was thinking of exactly.

“And what is that exactly?” You asked curiously, completely ignoring the television now to keep your eyes on his.

His boyish smile turned even brighter when you didn’t reject his advances, his excitement bubbling up “How about we go out?” He asked quietly, almost as if he was afraid that somebody would hear his intentions “I saw an arcade nearby on my way here, we could just go and play some games” He proposed, resting his cheek on your shoulder “But I also saw there is some kind of christmas market downtown, let’s go check it out, it will be fun” 

You wanted to, there was no point in denying that his excitement was contagious and that you felt like checking the place out but you were also a bit worried about the consequences your sneaking out adventure could bring him. The company was surely not happy about your relationship with Yeonjun even though they hadn't made the two of you break up in order to protect themselves from a scandal, Yeonjun would surely be scolded if they ever find out about what you did and it would automatically involve Soobin for not paying enough attention to the group as the leader. The fact that he could get hurt was also there, holding you back from accepting his offer, despite Yeonjun not being as equally famous here as he was in Korea, there was no doubt fangirls would run after him if they were given the chance to. You had to recognize this little excursion had more bad outcomes than good ones. 

Knowing what was going through your mind exactly, Yeonjun didn't even wait for you to answer his question before he stood up from the bed, looking around the hotel room before his eyes landed back down on you. 

"Let's go" He suddenly said, reaching down to grab your arm and pulling you out of bed.

However his plan to suddenly run away backfired when you stepped on the blanket that had been covering you and tripped thanks to him, falling down onto the floor with a loud thud. Yeonjun flinched, looking down at you with an apologetic smile, ignoring the way you glared at him from the floor as he rushed to your suitcase.

“Get rid of that pijama and dress comfortably” 

“Yeonjun” You warned, still sitting on the floor as you looked at him

“Listen to me, let’s just do this” He said, throwing your clothes everywhere as he searched for something, hitting you right on the face when he threw your jeans over his head along with one of your oversized jumpers.

“Yeonjunie” You tried, whining as you looked at his back.

“If we get out in five minutes, we’ll be able to sneak out in the security’s shift change” The amount of details he had taken into account to make this possible made you arch an eyebrow, incredibly surprised by him.  This was not a sudden occurrence, Yeonjun had planned this.

“YEONJUN!” You screamed willing to stop his rant

“WHAT?” He screamed back, suddenly turning around to look at you with your shoes in his hand and your scarf around his neck “WHY ARE YOU STILL WEARING THAT? GET CHANGED!”

“Breathe” You said looking down at him, standing up with your clothes gathered in your arms so he could start feeling less anxious “Do you realize in how much trouble we’ll get if they find out we’re gone?” 

“I don’t care” Yeonjun replied with an ecstatic smile on his lips “Get dressed” 

The two of you couldn’t stop laughing as you ran down the almost deserted road and away from the hotel where you were staying. Yeonjun had been totally right about the shift change from the guards and the hall where the TXT’s rooms were situated hadn’t been watched for a good ten minutes. Nobody, not even the guys, knew you were out of your room and they hopefully wouldn’t notice until you came back later that night.

“I can’t believe we did it” You said chucking, slowing your pace down as you turned your head to look back at him. Yeonjun intertwined your fingers, stopping his running too as he suddenly pulled you closer to his body, smirking as soon as your faces were merely centimeters away. “You’re insane” You whispered, looking up into his eyes.

This was probably one of the few times you’ve seen Yeonjun being this happy, the glint in his eyes told you he was already having the time of his life. 

"You're right" He agreed with a playful smirk on his face "I'm absolutely insane for you"

Your heart stopped beating at the sound of his words. Since the first day you started dating, Yeonjun has had the ability to make you feel as shy as you felt the first time the both of you met. Maybe it was because of his enchanting smile, or the way his eyes lit up when they met yours or how your heart skipped a beat when his nose scrunched up in pure happiness but your boyfriend simply made you fall in love with him all over again every single day you spent by his side. 

"What? You're not going to say you love me too?" He asked teasingly, rubbing his nose against yours affectionately. 

"I think we've been watching too many dramas together" You teased back, laughing when he groaned, not letting you move away from him. 

"Come on, I just got out of the hotel knowing that if I get caught I'll get the scolding of my life for you" He said smirking, pressing small pecks on the corners of your lips "The least you can do is profess your eternal love for me"

"Oh Yeonjun-ah" You said dramatically, bowing your head "Thank you for sneaking out if the hotel to spend some time with a mere mortal like me" Even though those words weren't the ones he wanted to hear exactly, Yeonjun couldn't help but laugh, throwing his head back amused. 

"Just kiss me already, idiot" He insisted with a small grin, looking down at you, straight into your eyes. 

Rolling yours, you finally gave into his wants -which were also yours- and went to close the small distance between your faces, craving to feel the warmth of his lips against yours already. However, as soon as your lips were about to touch, a driver that was passing by, honk their claxon at the two of you, whistling and cheering with his friends at the small romantic scene Yeonjun and you were starring in the middle of the street. 

The sudden public appreciation made the two of you shy and instead of kissing you, Yeonjun just rested his forehead against yours, letting out a quiet chuckle as he closed his eyes. 

"Why doesn't the world want me to kiss you?" He asked quietly, still smiling through his words. 

"Screw the world, I just care about you"

Surprising him, you grabbed the front of his hoodie and pulled him towards you, making your lips meet in a rushed kiss. Yeonjun couldn't help but smile and you giggled against his lips, shivering coldly when his hands reached up to cup one of your cheeks, caressing your soft skin gently. 

After a few seconds of just kissing each other, refusing to be the one to break the moment, Yeonjun ended up pulling away "Are we moving or we're just going to make out in this shady street?" He asked playfully, refusing to move his lips away from yours, letting them brush against your lips with every single word he said. His eyes opened, watching your features curiously yet amusedly. 

"Let's go, we've got an entire Christmas market to explore"

When you got to the place where the event was being held, there was no point in denying anxiety was starting to get to you, there were a lot of people around and there was no doubt that somebody from the crowd would surely recognize your famous boyfriend if the cap he was wearing fell down.

Yeonjun fixed his cap, lowering it a bit more so it would cover most of his blue hair and his eyes, his hand squeezing yours to reassure you that everything would be alright. He wasn't worried about himself but the fact that if fans started gathering around him, you would also be trapped in the middle of that nightmare with him and the last thing he wanted was for you to get hurt. 

"Maybe it's better if we go back to the hotel?" He suddenly asked, the thought of you getting hurt being too much for him to handle. 

You looked up at him confused yet surprised, after how far you’ve got he wanted to return to your room? "What?" You asked as if you hadn't heard him correctly, frowning softly, intertwining your fingers tighter "But you wanted to take a look, right?" You asked again, turning your body so you would be facing him. 

"I don't want you to be trapped with me if someone recognizes me" He confessed, feeling a little fidgety yet shy at the sudden confession. Yeonjun shrugged when you kept watching him in pure awe, kind of fidgety under your unwavering gaze.

“It’s alright, nobody will recognize you” You muttered, pulling his hand as you stepped closer into the market, noticing he was feeling even more nervous.

“You sure?” He asked looking down at you, squeezing your hand even tighter.

“Let’s get some waffles!” You pulled his hand tightly, ignoring his last question and Yeonjun, unable to say no to you when you had that childish yet incredibly beautiful expression on your face ended up following you into the market, praying everything would turn out fine.

“I can’t believe we wasted so much money in a waffle” He muttered, walking away from the little stand as you bit down onto the nutella waffle he had just bought for you. It was true, it had been ridiculously expensive but seeing how happy you were eating it made it totally worth it.

“Shut up, you could buy the entire stand if you wanted to” You said amused, groaning satisfied when the warm sweet flavor overwhelmed your paladar. “This is so good, try it” You pushed the waffle in his direction and Yeonjun couldn’t help but laugh when he saw you had gotten some nutella onto your nose.

“Can you stop sticking your nose into our food?” He asked jokingly, using a tissue to get rid of the sticky chocolate stain on your skin before he leaned closer to take a bite from it.

“Our food?” You asked shocked, watching him take a huge bite from your waffle “Hey! You might as well eat the rest of it!” You scolded with a pout, trying hard not to smile when he just chuckled after swallowing your food “Not letting you take another bite”

“Oh come on, I want some more” Yeonjun whined, wrapping his arms around you from behind so he could keep you close to him and avoid you walking away. “Please babe?” He asked, using the petname, knowing that would make you feel weaker against his advances.

“Nope” You shook your head, firm on your decision.

“Please, please, please, my loooove” Yeonjun added in a cute voice, leaving a thousand kisses on your cheek until you started giggling in his arms once again, absolutely melting against him.

“Fine, whatever, take another bite” You said trying to sound angry but laughing in the end.

Yeonjun smiled satisfied with your answer, leaning his head over your shoulder so he could still take a bite from behind you without having to unwrap his arms from you. The side of his head rested comfortably against yours, his body slowly rocking to the beat of the christmas carols that played in the background. So far, nobody seemed to be paying attention to any of you and Yeonjun was glad the two of you could feel like a normal couple for once.

“We should buy another one on our way back to the hotel” He proposed, watching you eat the last bite with a smile on his face, his head leaning down instinctively to place a kiss on your cheek.

“Didn’t you say it was too expensive?” You asked tilting your head back so you could look at him

“I never said I was paying for it” He replied, smirking, making you roll your eyes and break free from the comfort of his arms.

“You’re….”

“Amazing, cute, adorable, absolutely handsome, sexy?” He asked lowly, his deep voice turning your cheeks slightly pink. Yeonjun smiled at your reaction and you shook your head.

“An idiot” You finished before walking away, amused when you heard him whining and complaining behind you.

The two of you started walking around, looking at all the different stalls and seeing the things they sold apart from buying more food for the two of you. The atmosphere was fantastic and being able to walk downtown with Yeonjun like you were doing right now felt incredibly domestic yet it somehow felt like one of the best dates the two of you ever had. Walking while holding hands, drinking hot chocolate and just joking with each other would be your ideal date from now on.

Unfortunately, the time to go back approached and even when the two of you wanted to spend more time out, stay there for a little longer, you knew you should go back to the hotel before someone ended up realizing Yeonjun and you had sneaked out without any security. You loved him and you would hate yourself if he got in trouble just to please you.

“Wait” Yeonjun suddenly stopped walking, stopping right in front of the gigantic Christmas tree that had been placed in the middle of the square. The sight of his face adorned with the colorful lights of the tree made you smile, he looked so cute, so handsome...It made you realize all over again that you were truly lucky to have such a boyfriend “I bought you a present”

Your brain took a few seconds to process what he had just said, you were surprised and shocked to say the least “You did?” You asked curiously, kind of feeling bad for not buying anything for him “You could have said something and I would have also got you one” You said pouting but he shook his head, pulling you a bit closer to him so you would hear him perfectly over the sounds of the music and people talking that surrounded you.

“I know dating someone like me isn’t easy” He started off, his smile fading a little when his eyes met yours “Like yeah, having a famous boyfriend must be cool and all of that” He joked, making you smile “But I know for sure that you sometimes wish we could do things we normally can’t do, like what we did today” Yeonjun squeezed your hand when you shook your head, wanting to reassured him but he kept talking “I’ve never really said this out loud but after this trip I realized it might be important for you to hear it because you are the most important person in my life” Your heart skipped a beat at the seriousness of his voice, his words making you tear up a little “Like, I can’t believe almost a year ago I was afraid to talk to you and now we’re travelling all around the world together” 

“Thank God I approached you first” You interrupted jokingly, rolling your eyes, making him laugh

“I thank God for that every single day, trust me” Yeonjun said wrapping one of his arms around your torso, keeping your body against him, making the moment even more intimate between the two of you “I want to thank you for being there in my hardest days, for giving me support when I most needed it and for accompanying me even when I push you away when stress gets to me” You shook your head again, feeling a tear roll down your cheek “Things aren’t always easy for us but you’re such a strong person….We wouldn’t have gotten this far if it wasn’t for you...I wouldn’t have gotten this far if it wasn’t for you” He said resting his forehead against yours, smiling even though you were starting to cry even harder at his words “So yeah, thank you for staying by my side, for standing my annoying ass and for being my number one fan no matter what….Thank you for loving me”

You opened your mouth to say something but Yeonjun shut you up with a soft kiss, not letting you say anything yet since he wasn’t really done with his little speech “And that’s why I bought you this” Excitedly, he took out a Santa Claus’ hat, making you laugh when you saw the small present he had bought for you “I want you to have this through every Christmas we spend together as a memory of this moment” Yeonjun let go of your hand to reach out and put on the hat, smiling widely when he saw how cute you looked with it on your head “Of the night we sneaked out and finally had a normal date for once” He added chuckling, making you giggle “Of the night I said I want to spend the rest of my Christmas by your side”

Without saying anything else, Yeonjun leaned down to seal his words with the sweetest and most wonderful kiss the two of you ever shared in your lives.

Running down the hall, you couldn’t help but keep laughing when you should be dead silent so nobody would notice Yeonjun and you running down the hall. Right when you were almost in your room, Yeonjun spotted one of the security guards walking towards the direction you were and pulled you into the staircase, almost making you drop the waffles the two of you were still eating on your way back.

“Dude!” You whispered shouted, hitting his chest for almost ruining your favourite jumper with a Nutella bath.

“Ow!” Yeonjun complained, frowning as he looked at you “He’s coming this way, shut up, shut up!” He said panicking, pushing you harder against the wall as if the two of you could magically camouflage like chameleons did when they were scared.

“Yeah, everyone answered when I knocked on their door except Yeonjun, maybe he is asleep?” The bodyguard asked into the walkie talkie as he walked towards the elevator “I’ll check on Soobin and then come back to his room with a key”

Yeonjun’s and your eyes opened as wide as plates and your boyfriend started running down the hall at light speed as soon as the bodyguard headed down another hall. “Come on, come on, come on” He muttered, frantically patting his pockets when he arrived at your door. As soon as he found the key, Yeonjun opened it and gently pushed you inside, closing it as quietly yet as fast as he could.

“What do I do with the waffles?” You asked panicking, whispering as he ran around, already undoing the bed sheets to jump inside.

“Hide them!” Yeonjun said turning around to look at you from the bed

“No way, are you Sherlock Holmes?” You asked rolling your eyes “Where do I hide them Yeonjun? Under the freaking bed?” 

“Just put them somewhere, they won’t check the bathroom!” 

You ran inside the bathroom and left the waffles there before rushing back into the room seeing Yeonjun was already laying under the blankets. The two of you giggled when you slid besides him, instantly laying on your side, being the big spoon and letting Yeonjun be the small one this time. You barely had time to pull the bedsheets over you before a couple of bodyguards poked their heads inside, their eyes instantly laying on the two of you sleeping there.

“Is she wearing a hat?” One of them whispered, his voice sounding confused.

“She is” The other one replied chuckling, you felt Yeonjun burying his face into the pillow to not start laughing himself too when he realized you had forgotten to take it off “Hey, it’s their way to celebrate Christmas together, that’s cute”

“I guess it is” You heard them stepping out of the room communicating through the walkie talkie, Yeonjun was safe and sound inside his bed, sleeping like a baby besides his girlfriend.

The two of you started laughing quietly as soon as they walked away, placing your hands onto your stomach as tears of happiness rolled down your cheeks. The two of you were almost breathless when your laughter finally died down, turning your head to meet his eyes again.

“If you get the waffles from the bathroom I’ll love you forever” Yeonjun said happily, making you groan obviously disliking his words.

“No, you get them” You replied pushing him gently, successfully kicking Yeonjun out of the bed.

“I hate you” He said glaring at you as he walked to the bathroom

“You love me” You said giggling when he walked back out, holding the two waffles.

“I guess you’re right” He admitted sitting besides you, rolling his eyes, acting all confident as if he hadn’t poured his heart out for you a few seconds ago.

“YoU’rE tHe MoSt ImPoRtAnT pErSoN iN My LiFe” You mocked smirking, laughing when he pushed you away from him. “I love you too idiot” You replied, watching him going from pouty puppy to a huge bright smile

“I love you more Miss Claus” Yeonjun replied, making the two of you giggle, pecking your lips before he handed you your waffle “I love you more”

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

ten facts about me

thank you @vishcount for the tag! ❤ this was incredibly difficulty and i couldn’t think of interesting facts by the life of me, but i tried? i feel like i don’t have much to tell. 

tagging as usual: @cortue, @intyalote, @the-cloud-whisperer, @isabellaofparma and @sassyassassy

this became longer than expected so under the cut it goes:

When I was little I actually wanted to become a marine or reptile biologist? I kept watching all these animal and nature documentaries on TV and I always loved reptiles, so I thought it would be dope to be a researcher? and I’m obsessed with anything sea/water themed, but being a marine biologist and go diving would scare the shit out of me. It’s what I always imagined as a kid and now I know that I need to see the ground under water or I panic. Also, science just isn’t my fort, so having casual interest in this instead is completely fine. When i was eleven my dream job became author and I guess it stayed that way in some sense.

continuing this theme, my dad was actually a sailor - not professionally, he just worked on boats numerous time and went sailing, one time he even owned his own boat for a few years when I was a child. I always wonder if it’s his affinity for water that passed on to me.

I have this strange habit of sorting my food on the plate? let’s say there is.....idk, potatoes, salad and fish, then i need a certain way it’s laid out before me and my sister keeps teasing me about it. I think i started to care less about it (maybe because I don’t often cook multiple dishes) but when I go to restaurants it’s a tiny struggle sometimes.

I got my first covid vaccine shot today!! so far am not feeling any side effects and I hope it stays that way? 

My parents never raised me religious but I was heavily influenced by catholicism through school (eg. having to go to church every wednesday for four years and later attending a private catholic school). despite this I remember believing I would be reincarnated into a butterfly once I die, and I imagined the world as a white box in a white empty room with people standing around the box watching us. huh. nowadays I would call myself agnostic

Because Vishie mentioned horses, it reminded me that I recently thought of picking up horse riding again? but it’s such an expensive hobby and honestly don’t feel like going into actual courses and such. I have years of riding experience, but not professionally and I don’t have a pass? If I had pass it would be easier to go riding just for fun. sigh. I don’t even have time anyway 

I graduated highschool by doing 11 + one presentation in two months. No I won’t explain the details, but usually, if everything goes well, one graduates highschool with only six exams. I don’t know how I survived these two months because it was horrible but I’m sure as heck proud of it. From eight people that did the second exam dates with me I was the only one that passed, so you can imagine how shitty our school (system) was. 

I cry when I’m in historical places? Or when I see something historically significant. For example, visiting the city Split in Croatia sure did it to me, I remember just holding back my tears the first 15 minutes we were there. Something about a town built into an old roman imperial palace just slaps. I don’t even like Diocletian but his summer residence still made me emotional. History is just so good, and witnessing it is even better.

Continuing this theme again, as an art historian I’m always confronted with the conversation what is art and usually I side-eye people that have a fixed idea of what art is because sometimes? it just doesn’t matter. Sometimes the discussion is so much more important than finding a clear answer. But it is nice when people have their own definition, and mine is simply that anything created by humans, is art. It’s always a trace of human life and this will always be artistic to me. I’m glad that these past decades opened the studies of Art History to more than just paintings, sculptures and architecture. What I love most about my studies is learning about this one thing, for example an ancient vessel, and finding it’s context, trying to see what significance it had in the past for humans, and what it tells about their lives? I just loathe 18th and 19th century European scholars for constraining the definition of art. So whenever someone comes to me and says my job as an art historian is to narrate a Van Gogh painting my whole life, I try to make them see the amazing archaeological work that goes with art history and how art history is present in every single discipline and aspect of human life. thanks for coming to my ted-talk. I realise I’m a hypocrit but I don’t care.

I like to bake! it calms me and I always dreamt of having my own place with a functioning oven where I could bake at night if I can’t sleep. 

[fullsunalicia]

since i just noticed we are in DIRE need of some yuta around here and i love your writing to bits... may i request a friends-to-lovers!au with our one and only osaka prince?🥺 some tooth-rotting fluff with a dash of angst sprinkled in between? thank you so much!💚

velleity • NMY

velleity (n.) - a wish or inclination not strong enough to lead to action. an accurate example: the love that has been blooming inside your veins for nakamoto yuta, long before you even knew what it was like to fall.

thank you so much for your request !! i love yuta with all my heart and i was so happy when i saw your message 🥺 i hope you enjoy bubs!

You meet Nakamoto Yuta in elementary school, back when his Korean was clumsy and his beautiful features had still been a mystery beneath these chubby cheeks. The grimace the boy presented when you pulled at them didn’t reveal them, either, so for a very long time both Yuta and you couldn’t ever imagine calling the other ‘beautiful’.

Now, it would be blasphemy to call him anything but. Yuta’s face is what people claim to be picturesque. Perfect, down to the last detail. To assume that he is flawless would be a lie, but you’re convinced that your best friend isn’t far from that. He looks like he jumped straight out of a fairytale, like the prince you had been imagining every time your mother read you a good-night-story. You see him when you close your eyes, long after you slipped into a dream. But because you never reduced him to looks, you get to brag with the title ‘Yuta’s best friend’. You know him inside out, all the little things and the trivia behind it. Your knowledge is a treasure, expanded over the many years where you get to know this precious soul and watch it grow. Take shape, a rose exploding out of its’ bud.

That knowledge contains the silliest facts. He loves takoyaki, especially when you cook it. Despite the fact that you’re not japanese and will never reach the culinary skill level his mother is on, he inhales the food like it’s his last meal and then bombards you with every single compliment he can muster up. He also loves soccer, but quit it to focus on school and later on becoming an idol. Another funny fact is that Yuta hates the taste of limoncelli, because it’s the first alcoholic drink you ever gave him and then procceeded to get him wasted with. An hour later, he vomitted it out. (To be fair, he asked for you to get him drunk because he claimed it’s the only way to cure a broken heart. Clearly, this man has never had the perfect comfort food.)

You have read Nakamoto Yuta and studied him like a favorite book, a favorite read. There are folds in his soul from pages that you hold more dearly than anything else, and torn pages that represent the many fights that you both had. Yuta is familiar, constant. From time to time, you take him out the shelf, dust him off and fall in love with him all over again. The story enamours you every time. Your best friend stole your heart when you were sixteen and unknowing, undisturbed, when he held you so tightly you were going to suffocate. The smell of perfume and home. Loud whistles from both of your friend groups, a heartbeat that resonates inside you as if it was your own.

Befriending Yuta had been fate. It had been like meeting a kindred spirit, and you broke the golden rule. You fell in love. You feel that love even now, when you look into those ebony eyes. You’re looking at him, but he’s looking at her.

Heart-wrenching. That’s what it feels like when you serve him his favorite food but he still can’t tear away his gaze from her, and you reminisce the days where he would cheer like a little boy and thank you with the brightest light in his eyes, even though your first tries at the dish must’ve been only edible at best. You grab for a chopstick and aim for his head, and he whines loudly when it meets its’ target. “You’re so mean! Is that the thanks I get for visiting you at work?”

“You mean bothering me, idiot?” You roll your eyes and turn around to wipe the counter. Of course your stupid heart had beat faster the second you saw him step into the restaurant, just for it to shatter into a thousand pieces when you realized that he was here for someone else. Sweet Sana, who had been on the receiving end of your envy for years now, based on the fact that she was Yuta’s dream girl and not you. The envy is always accompanied by guilt, because Sana is nothing but kind and selfless, the shoulder you had been leaning on for years now ever since Yuta dedicated himself to his career. You watch as she rounds the tables and picks up dirty dishes, a smile adorning her lips despite the tedious task. An angel. She must be. “You just showed up and demanded to be fed. Not a single please and thank you, you spoilt brat. Aren’t you ever getting sick of takoyaki?”

“I could never.” Your best friend seems disturbed by the thought. If Yuta was ever served a death sentence for having killer looks, you’d bet a thousand dollars he would still choose Takoyaki as his last meal on death row. To look that good should be illegal. And it should also be illegal to steal your breath every time you guys meet gazes. There’s so much warmth in his eyes, reserved only for you - it’s a look that not everyone can be grazed with, not to those who haven’t known his entire being by heart. But never will you find the romance you crave in them, and that thought pushes you to look away every time.

You swallow down the pain and force yourself to keep a neutral face. “I’m putting you on a diet, if that’s the way you’re gonna act when I serve you your favorite food. Stop staring at her already, creep, you’re scaring her.”

Yuta sighs, long and heavy. Dramatic. He’s always been open with his crushes. “But she’s sooo pretty,” he pouts then, resting his head in the palm of his hand to look at Sana more comfortably. Right when both of you look at her, she turns to where you guys are sitting and waves, a cute little blush exploding on her cheeks. Very relatable. There’s not a single girl who is immune to your best friend’s charm. Yuta immediately springs into action to wave back, and you try to ignore the way his excited grin makes your chest hurt. “See? She’s not even doing anything and I’m still falling even harder!”

Yeah, that feeling seems familiar. The only difference is who you associate it with.

— ❅ —

Falling in love is so easy. Too easy, considering the fact that it can take years for your heart to recover and even then, the person never leaves your heart fully. You have wasted many years trying to get over Nakamoto Yuta, but your heart refuses to do so; the farest you ever get is closing the door on him, but you can never quite get yourself to lock it. The keys are always in his hands, impossible to tear away. Some people just aren’t meant to leave.

You’ve learned too many lessons from Yuta for you to ever forgot about him. You will never be able to not associate warm summer nights with him, will never forget the way he runs off the soccer field straight in your arms and whirl you around after a particularly good game. The first person to ever teach you how to cut off people that cause more harm than peace, who showed you how a proper friend should treat you. A first kiss, though left undiscussed. The many nights spent cramming in information before an important exam, getting drunk together and letting your hands wander because you trust each other. It’s all Yuta, and it always has been. You look for him in other people, in hopes of moving on but also easing the pain in your heart that is solely caused by the boy with the chubby cheeks.

Your eyes search for him everywhere.

Sadly, you even find the boy in Sana’s eyes. Her eyes emit warmth, a home inside a soul. You met Sana in highschool and love her the way you should’ve loved Yuta - she’s family, a sister, a best friend. She knows secrets you never even dared to think about in front of Yuta and treats them like treasures, a pirate taking his precious things to the grave. Trust is like gold to Minatozaki Sana, and the fact that you willingly give her your entire world is the greatest gift you could’ve ever given her. You can’t hate someone who is a part of you - Sana is you as much as you are her, one soul in two bodies. It’s a pity you got the half that Yuta would never desire.

Her fingertips are coarse; so unusual for the girl who looks like the definition of soft. At the end of every shift, you guys take turns massaging sore spots in your shoulders since both of you are too broke to pay for a professional massage inside a salon. You make do with what you have, at ten in the evening. There’s too many chores that are still unfinished, but the laziness is more powerful than your sense of duty. Whatever. Your manager has never complained about you staying longer to clean, so there’s no rush.

“You’re tenser than ever.” Sana sighs over the groan you let out when she hits a painful spot, her thumbs digging in to erase the knot she found. For someone who claims to possess no strength, her grip is pretty hard. “Have you been sleeping properly? You know I told you to stop pulling so many all-nighters... It’s not helping you.”

“I’m aware, mom. But my college degree isn’t earning itself.”

“Oh, shut up.” Her apron hits the empty barstool beside you before she moves to grab a rag to start wiping the counter. The artificial light usually creates an unpleasant ambiance, but it looks like moonlight when it hits Sana’s skin. So surreal, out of this world. The gods must have shaped her, there’s no other explanation. A perfect fit for Yuta. For a second, you contemplate how you managed to befriend the most precious people in the entire world. She rips you out off your train of thought, though. “Your grades are fine. You’re just throwing a hissy fit. Here’s a deal, either you start sleeping on time or I knock you out. How’s that sound?”

“Very pleasant,” you deadpan, and that’s the end of the discussion. She pinches your waist before moving along to put the chairs on the table. It’s always quiet in the evening, especially in this corner of the city. Every night at the same time, an old couple passes the window and waves at you, like the precious members of society they are. There’s a distinct routine that Sana and you established over the years, and you fall into it on instinct. The clean-up is quick as always. The bell on the door signals the end of your shift, and you step out into the cold night as Sana turns the key in its’ lock.

You guys are like two peas in a pond, to the point where traditions and habits have been assimilated together. It has now become a reflex to know what to do in any situation - while anyone else panics at your tears, Sana grabs a bottle of wine and a good movie. When the world turns blurry and the stress is the only thing Sana can see, you’re the first one to cook some spicy food and watch as she eats it, just to catch that special, grateful smile. Cogs working in clockwork. A perfect fit.

“How are things going with Taeyong?” Sana sounds neutral, but the cheeky undertone in her voice is evident to you. You know her better. “Drop it,” is the immediate answer you shoot back. Her laughter rings in your ears like a melody. You wish you would be able to dislike it.

“Hey, I just asked you a simple question. Is that forbidden too, now?”

“Yes. You’re not even allowed to say the T in Taeyong. Move along now, I want to go home and get some food in my stomach.”

Sana hums. “I heard Taeyong is a pretty great cook, too. Did you know that?”

You don’t answer her. Taeyong is nothing like the man that is truly inside your heart, and yet there’s no possible way to deny him. You’ve once told him over a bottle of whiskey about the feelings you harbor for his fellow band member, and yet he doesn’t let that deter him from his conquest of your heart. Taeyong knows unspoken secrets that neither Yuto nor Sana are even aware of, and that thought is strange to you. Taeyong isn’t connected to you like he is to Yuta. It’s barely been a year since you’ve properly gotten to know him. And yet, he coaxes things out of you that you wouldn’t even admit in your wildest dreams.

Lee Taeyong is dangerous. Point, blank, period. Still, you let him court you because he doesn’t mind the constant reminder that your heart belongs to Yuta. It even hurts to tell him that, because Taeyong has one of the most beautiful smiles you’ve ever seen. His heart is yours to take, even though you don’t want it. Just looking suffices, though. You threw one look inside and have yet to tear your eyes away, locked into a spell. Like looking at a car crash.

He claims that look is enough for him to keep trying. To you, it’s just torture for an innocent man who could have everyone if he wanted. Girls who are kinder, more selfless. Selfless enough to finally move on from a childhood crush and give him all he craves.

“Hello? Earth to (y/n)?” Your blonde companion waves a manicured hand infront of your face. “I didn’t mean to step on a landmine. I’m sorry, okay?”

The sigh you heave out is more alarming than intended. Meeting Sana’s eyes, you already know she’s got you figured out. Lying is useless now. “There’s no reason to be sorry,” you mumble, but it sounds half-hearted. “I just feel guilty about Taeyong. You know, since it’s unrequited and all.”

“I’m telling you, you’re missing out. I get that you want to focus on finishing college, but that boy could be heaven for you. I wish a boy would look at me like that. You deserve the world, (y/n).”

If only she knew.

Your shared apartment is freezing. Sana hurries to turn on the heater, while you finally get rid of jacket and work clothes. The walk to your room is quiet, accompanied only by the sound of Sana’s playlist starting to quietly reverbate through the apartment. Every nook and cranny is filled with a reminiscent thought, a story that only the owners of this apartments can recall. Despite your awkward predicament, you’ve always been thankful to have Sana.

Life is so much better with friends, especially those who see your entire being and decide to love it. No matter what comes with it, no matter how many disputes. It’s been a rocky road, but Sana and you have moved mountains to honor your friendship. You wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world. Especially not for a boy.

To your luck, you fall asleep just in time before Sana can scold you. Atleast in your dreams, everything is perfect.

— ❅ —

Though you claim that Taeyong is dangerous, you’ve always been someone who likes to play with fire. He looks like an artist’s dream-come-true, with sharp edges and soft doe eyes. Not even the dye in his hair can jarr the perfect image he creates, though he claims you’re just trying to make him blush by saying that. Your eyes may be locked on another man, but you’re not blind. Taeyong is as pretty as they come, with the kindest heart you’ve ever seen.

Since you reject an invitation to coffee and cake because you need to study, Taeyong climbs the many scary stairs up your fire escape so he can tumble through your open window. Accompanying his sweet grin is a bag of macarons and other pastries, which makes your stomach grumble embarrassingly loud.

“I thought you weren’t hungry.” Taeyong sets down the paperbag on your biology book, before he settles in the chair beside you and curiously peeks at your notes. You asked him once if he ever wanted to attend college, and he said that he had considered. He’s too in love with being an idol, though. It’s an attribute that connects him to Yuta - their ambition for the stage. Your best friend gave up soccer for it. You wonder what Taeyong has left behind to perform for the world.

You open your mouth to answer, but your stomach interrupts you again - now the blush settles on your cheeks, the very thing Taeyong had waited for. He laughs as you grab the paperpag, murmuring a “I’m not hungry” before stuffing your mouth with a lemon macaron. Normally, you’d offer him the other half, but it seems like you’re starving. “I thought I told you to rest today,” you say instead, eyes raking over his face. His hair is tinted red and white, like blood on snow. Beauty in controversy. “Since, you know, you’re like the most popular idol in the game right now and everything is pretty busy as it is.”

“Did you really think I’d miss the chance of finally being home alone with you?” Taeyong throws your legs over his lap and leans back - shirt riding up to reveal his defined tummy - and you avert your eyes. He’s already being tortured, you don’t have to make it worse by thirsting after him. But his statement opens up a gaping hole inside your stomach, so unsettling that your heart starts to clench. “He told you?” you ask dumbly. Of course Yuta had. Who hadn’t he told of the happiest moment in life, right after being accepted into SM? After months of pining, Yuta had finally been able to score a date with the Minatozaki Sana. Now the apartment lays empty, like a hollow tomb. For your dead heart, maybe. You realize that you’re being melodramatic, but it’s the only thing cheering you up right now and you have no wit left to make up for it.

Sana had accomplished what you never did. In a few weeks, those dates will evolve into a relationship, and it’ll finally be your turn to vomit out the cold limoncelli that burned the back of Yuta’s throat. It’s a tradition to down it after a heartbreak, one you guys kept up long after highschool. For the first time in ever, it’s going to be Yuta’s fault you’re drinking it. An Irish Wake for the girl who got away.

She had locked sickening in that dress. You sent Sana off with one of the most hurtful smiles you had ever been forced to put on, before all your tears ruined the sociology notes of today’s class.

You stuff your mouth with another macaron. “I should’ve known he’d tell the entire world,” you sighed. A warm hand covers your thigh in comfort, but it’s useless. A band-aid can’t help with a wound that’s located on the inside. “You know, Taeyong, maybe I’ll just change my name and move to Hawaii. I’d be a lot happier on Hawaii. Is there any way for me to like, legally get rid of my identity and disappear under mysterious circumstances?”

You hate the look of pity inside his eyes. It makes you lower you own gaze, reminds you of the sea of pain that you’re drowning in. It’s hard to stay afloat. You don’t need anybody to make it harder. “We could start with some mimosas, first,” Taeyong gently says. The gentleness banishes any kind of annoyance that had developed under his pitiful gaze, and he lets you climb into his lap, hides you away from the world in his embrace. Until you are ready to face it, ready to return to reality. The one where you’re an unaffected roommate who’s simply happy for their friends. “But I feel like I’ve barged in on enough Yuta-(y/n) traditions. So how about we grab some food?”

“I told you I have to study, Tae.”

“Bullshit. I think I’ve been watching you stare into the air for about five minutes before I even came in, you loser. Admit it, I’m doing you a favor.”

The punch you deliver to his chest does nothing to quiet down his little giggles. “You suck,” you growl as an answer, but stand up nonetheless to change into something more presentable. Taeyong respectfully turns away while you do, humming a melody under his breath. The pants you put on are only pulled over your hips before you halt in motion and watch in awe as the sun casts shadows over Taeyong’s face; his face contorting into art as his cat-like eyes slip closed. For some strange reason, Yuta’s words come to mind; about how photographers always gush at the leader’s photogenic features.

For a second, you ponder over this reality. The reality in which you stop clinging to a lover long lost and face a new one, something that could be good and healthy for you. As easy as breathing. It would be like spring, the end of an era, getting rid of the chains that held you back. You only have to accept him. Almost in trance, you take a step forwards, toward Taeyong and that warm reality - just to get a closer look at the artwork - before those chains rattle again. You’re a fool to think that you’d ever be able to discard of them. The freezing metal rips you out of Taeyong’s summer dream, back into the room that is filled to the brim with Yuta’s memories.

It’s far too late for you now. Silently, you finish changing and tap Taeyong’s shoulder as a signal that you’re ready to go. His smile hurts to look at, and he doesn’t even wait for permission before he interlocks your fingers and pulls you along. You wonder how he deals with the pain of rejection. It looks like nothing on him, but you feel like you’ve been poisoned, slowly rotting away. The guilt seems to crush you a little bit more now that you’ve got a taste of Taeyong’s experiences. “Wait,” you say, voice tiny. Feet skidding to a halt. Taeyong’s curiosity is as innocent as ever, and you feel bad for how hard it must be for him to look at you and know you’re never going to be his. “Tae, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be the one you want me to be... I....”

“Stop.” Taeyong’s voice is strangely calm. It soothes your many worries, enough for you to quiet down. He raises his hand as if to cup your face, but decides against it - dropping it again to cover both of your hands. Smile never leaving his lips. “(y/n), I knew what I was getting into. It’s me who’s selfishly accepting every slither of affection you even grant me.”

“But am I not hurting you?”

“Sweetheart.” Taeyong laughs, as if you had said something funny. His thumb traces your knuckles, once, twice, a habit that he picked up from you. This time, he confidently tugs a strand of hair behind your ear, still giggling when he speaks again. “We all suffer for love. How could I ever judge you when your pain is essentially mine?”

You think you understand. If you imagine the pain to be a heavy bundle, it’s easier to carry it together. In awe at his strength, you let your gaze wander over Taeyong’s face again as he starts blabbering about a new K-BBQ place he’s been wanting to visit. When you catch the train, you finally feel like the poison’s slowing down. It hasn’t spread through your entire body yet.

As always, Taeyong is the remedy to all your problems.

Sadly, he can’t protect you from the awful sight Sana and Yuta offer when you find them tucked in the booth of a restaurant you used to frequent with Yuta. It would’ve been too much to be happy for one afternoon atleast. Despite standing outside the glass windows, you can hear Sana’s melodious laughter in your mind when she dips her head down to quieten the soft sound; golden curls flying with every shake of her head. Your best friend is beaming at her, drink in hand long forgotten, and you tear your eyes away from the scene before your broken heart starts piercing your lungs.

If only you had recognized the citrine liquor sloshing against Yuta’s glass, for you would have noticed something was definitely going wrong. You don’t take notice of his drink, instead quickening your speed and forcing Taeyong to keep up with you. When you start rambling, your companion says nothing, opting to shoot back his own anecdotes to take off your mind of the thing that is evidently bothering you. For the entire evening, he doesn’t let go of your hand once, and you return home with your belly stuffed with delicious dinner and your heart patched up by your new favorite member of NCT.

— ❅ —

You pass your exams with flying colors.

The pride that fills you when you see the grade on the piece of paper almost makes it worth all the things you’ve endured the past few weeks, even though it had been increasingly difficult to keep up. Silently, you watched your pretty roommate leave your shared home more times when you would have liked to count, while you remained stuck inside your stuffy room. The only escape you had for a while were the fire escape outside your window(which had been making you nauseaous the first few times you sat on it, but Taeyong had insisted it was fine) and work, where Yuta only came to blab about his idol life or test your culinary skills. You never ask him about Sana, and he never spills. His quiet support during exam season was the only reason you could handle Sana’s nightly meets, and you clung to the few moments where you could call Yuta yours.

There had once been a time in highschool where studying had been much more fun. Every correct answer had earned you another piece of candy, which became so addicting that Yuta and you upped the stacks by making the other treat them to dinner if they had more correct answes by the end of the free period. What started as school work evolved into a competition, which in turn had led to your first kiss under the lights of Seoul’s summer festival, the roar of passerbys and the loud music booming through the streets accompanying that precious memory. You had been glad, so glad it was Yuta who had stolen away that first experience, because you know for a fact he would never waste it. You had bet him a ticket of the ferris wheel, since it was terribly expensive and pocket money was barely cutting it for you. Not only had he purchased the ticket, but also won you the biggest teddybear on the market. You couldn’t remember what instilled it, but seconds after the plushie was placed into your hands, Yuta had cradled your face and kissed you like his life depended on it.

Your first kiss was magical. The sweet taste of cherries and the unimaginable trace of love that Yuta had left on your tongue had made you feel alive, as if for the first time in your life, your heart finally started to beat. The blood rushing through yours veins was powered by fireworks and adoration for one single boy, the sweet boy who taught you how to ride your bike without your training wheels, made you cook takoyaki atleast twice a week, and bothered to create silly traditions and inside jokes like limoncelli or Hello Kitty band-aids, placed over Yuta’s nose after he got a soccer ball to the face.

That summer had been the summer Yuta was accepted into SM. You had never talked about the kiss again. But what a vivid memory it was! Like your personal, handmade movie, your own living piece of magic. You had never imagined love to be so powerful. But you understand it now, as you look into Yuta’s eyes and realize that all you had ever wanted for him in life was for him to be happy. And he was.

That was enough. The pain, the endurance, you’d do it all again. For Nakamoto Yuta, who reached for your hand and never had let go. Not for soccer, not for the industry, not even for the many people he had dated in the past. That must be worth something.

“You’ve been looking at me weirdly all day.” Yuta scrunches his nose in fake disgust, but his eyes are still crinkled from the pleasant smile that curved around his plush lips. His mom always says that he looks like a fox; it had been his halloween costume three years in a row. Right now, he looks just like that. Coy and dangerous and in the wait. “You trying to pick a fight or what? Because I’ve got all day, and a little wrestling never hurt anybody.”

“So what, I’m not even allowed to watch now?”

Yuta winks before you realize the extent of your words. Cringing, you turn away, but not before seeing the laughter burst out of him, the sound addicting as always. “Don’t get weird with me now, Nakamoto,” you warn him, sliding off your soft bed to close the window. The cool wind was enjoyable, but it kept messing up your many exercise sheets that still needed to be sorted out before september came. Next time around this year, you’ll finally have finished your degree and would return to a proper working life. What an adventure that would be. “Are you planning to camp in here for the rest of your life or are you going to leave eventually? Because I actually got plans and I’m not afraid of kicking you out.”

It was already strange to you that Yuta was sitting here, and not in the living room with Sana. To your knowledge, they were still dating, and the reminder still stung. But no, your childhood best friend remains seated where he is, wrapped in your favorite blanket that you bought on a family trip to Osaka. Another memory that ties him to this place. Your parents had offered to surprise him since you guys were always seperated during summer vacation, and they had always wanted to go to Japan. You learned how to fish there. Weirdly, you kinda miss sitting on the cold river banks while your father tries to explain how to properly kill a fish.

Yuta clutches his chest in faux pain, dramatic as always. “So mean,” he whines. “Here I am making time for my best friend in the entire world, and it is not even appreciated. I’m kicked out, even! Tell me, what has happened to justice? Is it not first come, first serve anymore?”

“First of all - I’m your only best friend.”

“That doesn’t matter.” He nonchalantly waves you off, like someone would an annoying fly. “I still love you the most out of all of my friends, so it’s different. Pick up a book once in a while, (y/n).”

You try to shake off the pain that one single word had incurred in you, but it’s so unbearable. It makes you want to scream. Your life would be so much easier if Yuta truly loved you and you’d be able to tell him aeons worth of confessions, of how you found heaven in his soul and salvation is his heart. It sits on the tip of your tongue, a heavy burden to carry for someone who’s as frail of you, but you only tell him: “It is first come, first serve. Taeyong has been planning to take me out after my exams for a while now, while you were out being lovey-dovey with a certain roommate.” You raise an eyebrow at his awkward expression. A fox in the trap. “So much for loving me most, oh best friend.”

On any other circumstance, he would’ve jumped at the opportunity to argue. Yuta is very clingy, and very affectionate. You’ve seen his band members on the receiving end of it, and are glad that they atleast don’t suffer his temper tantrums whenever someone challenges the position of ‘best friend’. Today though, he nitpicks: “You have plans with Taeyong?”

You blink. “Yeah, I guess. I told you we guys got closer in the past few months.”

Yuta’s hand feels more heavier in yours than Taeyong’s did. He pulls you onto the bed again, hands latching to your waist to hold you close, treating you like a personal teddybear. It doesn’t take long before your back is pressed against his chest while he rests his head on your shoulder. “How close, exactly?” he grumbles, childish annoyance peaking through his voice. “You’re not giving him all my Hello Kitty band-aids, are you?”

“Are you accusing me of treason?”

“Maybe so.”

You try to escape his death grip, but ultimately fail. God damn those muscles. “Get out of my room, traitor. I would never ever give away the holy Hello Kitty band-aids.”

“Hmm.” Yuta loosens his hold, and you suck in the breath you so desperately needed. Do you look like a ragdoll or what? “I suppose it’s alright then. When are you getting back?”

“Who are you, my father?” You smack his thigh in retaliation for him caging you in, but your friend only laughs it off. A pinch to your waist makes you jump away from him. “Since when do I need permission from you to come and go?” you complain then. Never once had Yuta been so protective because of a boy than now. It made you wonder what was going on with him. He only shrugs, not offering a explanation. With a last grin, he falls back into the mattress and crosses his arms behind his head, as if the room belonged to him. Ass. “Be back before twelve,” the man only hums.

When you leave Yuta in your room(although with a heavy heart, since you’re sure he’ll join Sana in the living room after you leave), he offers you his cheek as a goodbye. You freeze in place, since this is the first time since sixth grade you sent him off with a kiss to the cheek. Nonetheless, you bow down to do him the favor, his warm hand keeping you in place for a few moments longer, before he lets go of your waist and gifts you a smile that seems rather melancholic. You almost stay.

Almost. You’d rather choke than watch him lock lips with your only female best friend.

“What are you doing on saturday?” Taeyong asks you after offering you a bottle of soju, abandoning your side to place the fluffy picnic blanket over the grass. Han River glistens golden in the light of the sun, a honeyed mirror of the world. It’s almost tragic that life is so heartstrickenly beautiful, no matter what the circumstances are. You suppose that’s what makes it so beautiful. A few moments later, Taeyong has tugged you down so he can rest his head in your lap. With a happy sigh, he closes his eyes and soaks in the last warmth the day has to offer, as always ressembling a statue.

“Nothing, I think,” you tell him. The soju is sweet, easy on the throat. A stark contrast to the Yuta-(y/n) tradition. You don’t have the heart to tell Taeyong that the festival starts on friday, since it’s evident that Yuta is going to take Sana and not you. The magic spell from that fairy-tale kiss had long worn off. This is the real world. “Not until now, since you’re taking me out, I’m deducing?”

“Absolutely correct. No wonder you passed your exams, you’re so clever!”

“I feel belittled.”

Taeyong laughs. The sound rumbles through his chest, as harmonious as the lyrical verses he creates and incorperates into songs. “It wasn’t meant to be,” he promises, hand reaching for your own. His fingertips are cold from the bottle he had held for you until you reached the riverbank. “I’m very proud of you for passing your exams. You did exceptionally well, even though I mothered you so much.”

“Thank you.” Your answer was demure, but it came from the bottom of your heart. Taeyong had been an important emotional crutch, and he had even fulfilled your promise of seeing someone else so he could move on from you. Even though he does, he vows to be a friend for life like Yuta is. It’s so different from the Osaka prince, but Taeyong has truely gotten to the point where he became vital for you, in another way than Yuta is, but how Yuta should have been. He hasn’t told you the name of the secret lady, though. “You think I’ll get my degree?”

“A hundred percent.” A tight squeeze is reassurance enough for you, and Taeyong’s face contorts into a happy grimace when you squish his cheeks. “Thank you,” you say again. “You’re the best friend in the entire world, Taeyong. Really. I don’t know what I would have done without you.��

“If you want me to live, never say this in front of Yuta.”

“Sure thing.”

You’re not the only people bathing in the evening light, as the riverbank is crowded with families and friends all alike. Their joyous laughter takes you to a time where breathing had been a little easier, a little freer. Where your heartbeat didn’t resonate through broken shards. You’ve come to realize, though, that you wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

Not if it meant Yuta.

— ❅ —

[08:26pm] yuta-chan ♡: do you think you could meet me at 9 at the ferris wheel? i have to leave for japan after that.

[08:29pm] (y/n): so that little cuddle fest in the kitchen today didn’t mean goodbye already?

[08:29pm] (y/n): that was embarrassing to do in front of taeyong, by the way.

[08:30pm] yuta-chan ♡: he can handle a little pda. i came first, you know.

[08:31pm] (y/n): i don’t think i’ll be able to make it, yuta. i’m out with taeyong.

[08:31pm] yuta-chan ♡: boo, you whore.

[08:31pm] yuta-chan ♡: can you please atleast try? for me?

[08:32pm] (y/n): yuta... ✓

[08:32pm] (y/n): are you serious? you lose service now?? ✓

calling yuta-chan ♡...

[08:34pm] (y/n): yuta, i cant just leave ty!! pls come back online 😭. ✓

Sighing loudly, you slam your forehead down onto your phone. The line infront of you was getting shorter and shorter, and the tickets to your movie were already purchased. What was so damn important for Yuta to want you to meet him at nine? Even if you went now, you don’t think you could be there on time. Taeyong watches curiously as you pound more messages into the device, only for you to whine since they aren’t getting through. “For God’s sake! I’m gonna kill him!”

“What did Yuta do now?” Taeyong sounds way too amused for your own liking.

Angrily, you try to call your best friend again, but to no avail. Apparently, Yuta had chucked his phone away after ominously telling you to meet him at the festival. That stupid festival, and the stupid emotional value it came with for you. “He wants me to meet him at the ferris wheel in twenty minutes!” you shout then, exasperated. The loud volume of your despair brings you a few nasty glances from the people standing in queue, but you cannot bring yourself to care right now. “And he knows exactly I’m out with you right now. I can’t just drop everything and go just because he wants me to! He didn’t even tell me why!”

“Just go, (y/n).” Taeyong pinches your cheek. The gesture would have been adorable if you weren’t so annoyed right now. “It’s just a movie, and we can just rewatch it - I’ll just call someone else.”

“No, I don’t want to.” You stuff your phone back into your pocket. You can’t come back running to Yuta, just because you love him. Being at his beck and call will just ruin you, as it always has over the many years you had been spent motionless at his side, too cowardly to step forward. The allure of velleity stops here. You have to break free of your curse now, or you’ll never be able to. “I’m sure it’s fine. I bet he just wants help with Sana or something, it’s not like he can’t do it on his own. He’s a grown man.”

“(y/n), it’s not about Sana.” Taeyong’s eyes turn serious now, shaking at your resolutement. “I think you should go.”

“Trust me, Tae, I know him. He’s just panicking because he has to leave Sana behind for a few months because he’s never dated someone over long distance, even though it’s not forever. I’m going to finally move on and accept that Yuta and I are never going to be.”

“He’s not dating Sana, (y/n)!” You squeak when Taeyoung abruptly turns to you to shake your shoulders, so unusual for the calm man he usually is. Your second mom, as you lovingly called him. “I am. They stopped dating a long time ago because Yuta explained he wasn’t into her, he was into you. He was trying to move on and failed! Do you understand, (y/n)? Nakamoto Yuta is in love with you!”

You gape at Taeyong like a fish out of water. For a few seconds, which feel like centuries, you’re so speechless you forget the urgency of the situation. Your brain can’t register everything at once, despite the fact that you just received the biggest news of your life, so it latches on to the most logical one at hand. “You’re dating Sana?” you repeat in utter shock, rumbled to the core. “When the hell were you planning to tell me?”

“I’d love to tell you more about my secret romance but I’m afraid if you stand here any longer, you’re going to miss out on your last chance to ever confess your feelings to Yuta ever again!”

The veil drops. In a matter of seconds, nothing in this world made sense but Yuta, because why wouldn’t it? Your best friend, the love of your life - suddenly growing overprotective and so hellbent on PDA, the long, sad gazes that seemed to trail after you that you had interpreted as pouting because you were neglecting your friendship. All of it falls into place, and awakens one instinct that has been buried deep inside you for years now, unused and unpolished ever since Yuta left the soccerfields behind.

Whenever the team had won, it was a race about who could tackle Yuta first. Yuta, the star player, dubbed score god by his teammates as he keeps carrying them to the win. You had learnt pretty quickly to leave your friends behind in the dust just to reach him in time, to fall in the arms that had always been waiting for you and you only. You barely remember the few occassions where Johnny had in fact been faster than you were, just for Yuta to avoid him so he could embrace you and whirl you through the air like some kind of doll. The sound of victory, the heavy pattering of a heart that is so familiar that you that it seems like your own. Now, it comes back to life - you barely remember placing the ticket into Taeyong’s hands as you stumble around and push past all the people, in direction of the main festivities. Your legs are light, lighter than the wind and the air as you run like you were running for your life, heartbeat hammering in your ears. Was it your own, or Yuta’s, the melody that has been accompanying all your life? No time to wonder as you pick up speed and pray, pray for any god willing to listen for Yuta to wait.

How could you be so silly and let him leave before telling you goodbye at the ferris wheel? Was it not another one of your silly traditions, like that disgusting alcohol and the awful takoyaki you had made in the first weeks of learning how to cook? The sweaty jerseys that were always exchanged to show your support at his games? The whispered promises, the untold ones, was it not always there? You feel blind, so blind - and so stupid! How could you not have noticed the ways Yuta’s gaze had stopped trailing after your roommate? Was it not you who left him in that bedroom and never saw him join Sana in the living room, crawling into the bed beside him when you returned like he hadn’t ever moved? Was it not you who had taken up all his time?

The festival is as stuffy as ever, as well-visited as ever. It is 09:08pm and you fear for your life, for your heart, because it’s with Nakamoto Yuta and he is about to leave with it forever. You fall onto your face a few times and scrape your knees bloodly, but you keep walking, praying.

No one familiar is standing in front of the ferris wheel.

This must be karma. It truly is, fate paying you back just in time for you to cripple in metaphoric debt. For years, you had prided yourself with knowing Yuta best, your favorite book, one you’d read for the rest of your life. Now, when you finally break out from the spot you were frozen in, it is already too late.

Atleast that’s what you think for ten long seconds.

There’s a warm hand who pulls you back, the hand that has been guiding you all your life. Late-night walks back home, your first time in Osaka. Han River’s riverbank and the streets of the city when the festival lights lit everything up. Yuta’s beaming smile goes straight to your heavy heart, and it soars in happiness as he hugs you and whispers: “You came back for me!”

“I did, you big idiot!” Without second thought, you jump into his embrace and throw both arms around his shoulders. You are right where you’re supposed to be. You’re home, you’re home, you’re home. While the salty tears of relief blur up your sight of the buzzing marketplace around you, loud, sincere laughter pearls from your lips. It’s a hymn of joy, your unofficial serenade to the man of your dreams. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re here.” Yuta pulls back to cradle your face, something he had never done so carefully except that one time, almost seven years ago. “You’re here with me,” he says then, almost in disbelief. There’s a moment of silence where the magic of your teenage days returns, spell-bound, and just a second later, Yuta’s warm body finally crashes against yours as familiar lips cover your own. Of course he tastes like limoncelli, but below that, he tastes of precious memories and secret thoughts, the silent adoration that was never one-sided. His fingers trace your jawline while you tousle his hair, both mapping out each other as you imprint it into memory.

You are unconditionally, irrevoceably in love with Nakamoto Yuta. You tell him that when he finally lets go of you, and he repeats it back, as many times as he can. Confessions and explanations are exchanged, but nothing really matters except the fact that you managed to jump back in time and finally fulfill your chance. You finally made your move.

“I don’t think I can let you go to Japan yet,” you tell him then, several minutes later, while you stand in line to the ferris wheel, even though he should be long gone by now. There’s a flight to Tokyo going in two hours, and yet he’s still here. Clinging to your hand like you’re going to disappear if he looks away. Love-stricken eyes that make your knees go weak. “You owe me some explanations.”

Yuta pulls you closer with the arm he keeps hooked around your waist, bright smile never leaving his lips. “We’ll have plenty of time up there to spill,” he responds and kisses the tip of your nose. He smells like home. Like forever and beyond. “I love you. I’ll give you the rest of my life in exchange for just one evening with you.”

No, one evening wasn’t enough. You’d give Yuta eternity in exchange for his heart, but let’s just start with today. In celebration of being inclined to move. For two hearts who were lost at sea, meeting again after what they thought would be never ever. He’s definitely going to miss that flight, though.

[acreativeme]

Little Dove

Little Dove

Clinton Skye x Reader

A/N: I don’t know Russian, so I am using google translate. I apologize for any mistakes. Also, there is some triggers in here about kidnapping, sexual assault, and sex trafficking. 

She left a note, along with her phone and her engagement ring.

Clinton,

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t say goodbye in person. I wouldn’t be able to look you in the eye and lie to you. I will be gone for a while, so I am not asking you to wait for me. I can’t tell you anything yet, but I will try when I get back. I love you with everything in me. 

Y/N

 Clinton sunk down the wall, his heart breaking as he reread her letter. They had been together for a few years, only recently getting engaged. It took him a few minutes, but he called Jess for support.

...2 Months later…

With the help of her driver, Y/N stepped out of the town car-- the slips of her black bodycon gown showing off her muscular legs. Her hair was held back with silver dagger-like sticks, making it easy for her to hide weapons on her person. A bald man in a tight black suit held out his arm for her to take, escorting her into the ball room.

“Добрый вечер, мэм. Аукцион начнется через тридцать минут.”(Good Evening, Ma’am. The auction will begin in thirty minutes.) He said in a low tone. 

Y/N nodded, “Спасибо.” (Thank you.)

He let her go as they walked through the doorway of the ballroom. She walked up to the bar, ordering a gin and tonic. As she took a little sip, she scanned the room--picking out her targets in the crowd. A Russian human trafficker had kidnapped four undercover CIA agents, so Y/N was here to get them back and take out the traffickers.

She downed her drink, passing it off to a waiter as they walked passed by. She quickly reapplied her lipstick before heading towards her first target. He was standing off to the side, watching the crowd. Y/N acted as if she hadn’t noticed him standing there, to get him to make the first move. 

She watched him scan her from head to toe, smirking as he turned to fully look at her. “Вам нравится то, что вы видите?” (Do you like what you see?) She smirked, still facing away from him.

He smirked, “даже очень.” (Very much so). 

Y/N boldly took his hand, leading him to a door that was off to the side of the ballroom. She knew from studying the floor plans that there was a small coat room that was not being used. With her in front, she was not aware that he had pulled something out of his pocket. As he closed the door, Y/N reached for the dagger that she had strapped to her upper thigh. He wrapped one arm around her from behind, using the other to inject her with a sedative. 

“Goodnight, маленький голубь.’( Goodnight, little dove.) 

...6 months later…

Clinton’s POV

Clinton leaned against the counter, staring off into space-- which is something he’s been doing alot. His thoughts have been shifting towards Y/N, the ex that went missing. Everyone keeps asking how he knew she was missing and hadn’t just left him, and he’d always respond with that he felt it in his soul. He knew with his whole heart that she wouldn’t have left without a good reason. 

Jess stepped into the office with a grave look out his face. “Pictures of missing 16 year old, Irene Romanov, were found on sex trafficking website run by Russian Immigrant Dimitri Petrov.” He signaled Hana to pull up the website. “Many of the girls have been identified as missing in both the US and around Europe…” Jess froze as his eyes locked on one of the girls.

“Y/N…” Clinton whispered as he also locked onto her posting.

Y/N was laying on her back, hair dyed blonde. Her eyes were dull like life had been drained from them. She was in a matching pair of red and white lingerie with white fishnet stockings. There were bruises on her neck, arms, and inner thighs. 

“What the fuck did they do to her?” Kenny stated, anger evident in his voice. 

Hana clicked on the profile. “They say her name is Alyona. She is a ‘submissive and experienced’ lover.” She gagged at the end, as the team turned to look at Clinton. 

His face was unreadable. “I told you.” was all he said as he stormed out of the room.

Y/N’s POV

She looked around the bare room that Dimitri had shoved her into, trying to figure a way out. She had been traded to Dimitri by the man that kidnapped her, who then moved her to America--not realizing that this was her home turf. She observed him as he moved around the warehouse that he turned into a brothel, noticing that he would leave doors open as he rotated girls in and out of the ‘business’ bedrooms. 

Dimitri had a schedule for each girl, like this was some union job, and would rotate out the women after their shift. Y/N, however, was the only girl that he didn’t do that with. He would send in John after John, only giving her small intervals of time to recoup between dates. The only other thing he did different from the other girls was that he didn’t drug her. The man that sold her to him had mentioned that she was a submissive bitch and that he recommends not ‘damaging good goods’ with drugs. 

Dimitri seemed to idolize the man that kidnapped her, so he listened to him about the drugs. Dimitri uses violence to keep her in line, especially when she acts out around the other girls. He would use her as an example to keep the other girls in line, which she would gladly continue to do if it meant she could protect the other girls. 

The only time that Y/N gets to spend time with the other girls is when they shower, as Dimitri forces them to shower together in a prison-like shower area. She will check on them as they pass along the cheap hygiene products, which makes them consider her a guardian angel. There have been multiple times where he has come in to find her holding one of the other girls, which makes him rip the other girl out of her arms and back hand her. 

“Are you ready for your next customer, Alyona? Heard he’s a dark one.” Dimitri stood over her with a dark grin. 

She internally sighed, not wanting to show her true emotions. “Yes, master.” She replied meekly. She moved to be sitting on the edge of the bed with her knees together but feet apart. 

He leaned out the doorway to signal for the customer to come. “You may enter, Sir. Your entertainment for the evening is ready.”

Y/N had to hold back a gasp as Clinton Skye walked through the door. “Good evening, sir. Thank you for accepting me as your entertainment.” She recited, just as she had been instructed. 

Clinton nodded, trying to school his face. “She’ll do just fine.”

Dimitri nodded, shutting the door as he walked out of the room. Clinton and Y/N stared at each other, not knowing what to say to each other. After a moment, Y/N launched herself into his arms. She sobbed into his arms as he held her tightly to his chest.

He let her bury herself into his chest. “Shhh. I got you, love.” He whispered into her hair. 

She pulled away to look at him. “I messed up, Clinton. I lied to you about my past and my relationship with the agency.  I took a mission that I knew was going to go wrong.”

“Don’t think about it now. We’ve got to focus on getting you and other girls out of here.”  He whispered darkly, shooting the door a hard look. “We’ve got a team surrounding the building and snipers on the surrounding buildings.”

Y/N took a deep breath, hardening herself. “You are right.” She brushed the tears away, “did you bring in any weapons?” 

“Y/N, I don’t want you to get involved. You’ve been through enough, let me take care of you.” He looked at her with big eyes, wanting her to listen to him.

She sighed, knowing that she was not in any shape to take down these criminals. “Okay, we will do it your way.” 

Clinton kissed her forehead. “It’s a go!” he whispered into his mic. 

Clinton made sure to put himself between Y/N and the door. He knew that Dimitri was going to try and come after Y/N, having heard some henchman talking about how she was going to be their golden goose. He promised himself, after seeing her picture on that website, that would protect her with his last breath. He also promised not to tell her, because she would lecture him about how she can protect herself. 

Within moments of the team storming the castle, Dimitri was throwing open the door- half expecting them to be in the middle of having sex. He froze as Clinton aimed his gun at his forehead. “Freeze.” 

“You’re a cop!” He yelled, charging at them.

Clinton fired his weapon, only after aiming for Dimitri’s knee. Dimitri fell forward with a scream. “I told you to freeze.” 

Kenny came in shortly after the gunshot, gun raised and ready. “Clinton, you guys okay?”

Clinton nodded, “Yeah, the idiot moved when I told him to freeze. I’m going to let you cuff him, while I take Y/N to the ambulance.”

Dimitri looked up, confused on who Y/N was. “Whose Y/N?”

She finally stepped from behind Clinton. “Me. My name is not Alyona.” She walked forward, trying not to show that she was scared. “You are not only going to be charged for crimes at a national level, but an international level also.”

Dimitri smeared at her, laughing under his breath. “You went from cop to whore. What an upgrade.”

Without thinking, Y/N slugged him. Clinton and Kenny jumped into action, and pulled them apart. “At least I won’t be someone’s bitch in prison.”

Clinton pulled her out of the room, not wanting to subject her to that creeps presents. “Come on, let’s get you to the hospital.”

Y/N just nodded, becoming increasingly more hollow the farther away they got from her room.

... At the hospital…

Y/N’s POV

Y/N numbly as the SANE nurses poked, prodded, and took photos of her. She didn’t make a sound, no matter how much they made her uncomfortable. They hadn’t allowed Clinton into the exam room as they weren’t married. When they asked her to lay on the table, Y/N closed her eyes tightly-- trying to not picture the numerous men that had taken advantage of her. 

“This may feel a little bit uncomfortable, but we need to do a pelvic exam.” The nurse said, wanting to keep her clued into everything that was going on.

“I know.” She whispered, laying back and spreading her legs.

Everything goes black for the remainder of the exam, not that Y/N needed to pay too much attention. When she opened her eyes, Clinton was standing next to her-- talking with a doctor. 

“... she is going to need a lot of therapy and patience. We are going to prescribe anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and sleeping medications as she is going to have some trauma from what she experienced.” The doctor explained, not even bothering to look at her.

“You know, if you are going to talk about me, you better man up and look at me.” Y/N stated, hoarsely. “I will not be treated like I am less than human, because I am a sexual assault victim.”

Clinton squeezed her hand, wanting to bring her comfort. “Y/N, he is just trying to help you heal.”

She rolled her eyes, reverting back to silence. The doctor shared a look with Clinton, before stepping out of the room. “I know that you’ve been through a lot, but you don’t need to be snippy with the doctor.”

She glared at him. “He was acting cold, not caring about my feelings. I have feelings, Clinton. I am not just some piece of meat.” She cried.

Clinton pulled her into his arms. “I know, sweetie.” He rubbed her head. “You’ve been through something horrific, it is going to take some time to properly heal.”

She looked up at him with big eyes. “I don’t want to do this alone.” She whimpered.

“You won’t be alone, love. I promise.” 

A/N: There will not be a part two. I don’t feel comfortable writing a 2nd part.

[aiyaar]

Merry Christmas everyone!💫💕 Hope you're having an amazing Christmas with the people you love. Here's my Christmas gift for y'all. Solangelo celebrating Christmas 🖤💛🌲💫

Ariana Grande- Love Is Everything

Nico woke up the next morning, feeling so much happiness. Sunlight streamed throught the curtains and shone in his eyes. Apollo had already started his day.

Nico felt a hand in his hair and rolled over, meeting with sky blue eyes.

“Merry Christmas.” Will whispered, smiling at him.

“Merry Christmas.”

Nico lifted himself a little bit, resting his chin on Will’s chest, drawing his finger around the tattoo on his left pectoral.

“Still can’t believe it’s real.” Nico said, raising on elbow and looking Will in the eyes. ”You’re real. And I’m finally home. With you.”

Will lay on his back, entangling his long fingers in the black curls.

“A whole month.” He said, cupping Nico’s face with his hands. “So many things we can do. But all I want is to lie in the bed like this with you.”

“I’d like to spend the whole Christmas day like this.” Nico said, feeling Will’s scent. He always smelled like morning dew, grass and medicaments.

“But we have a lot to do.” Nico felt Will’s chest lifting up a little with a sigh. “Mom’s been calling since 6 a.m. And I promised Kayla and Austin we will visit camp today. Dad will come too.”

“Yeah.” Nico smiled, thinking about Naomi. Will had an amazing mother. “I also need to see Hazel.”

“Then I’ll go and make us breakfast. After that we’ll go celebrating Christmas with our families.”

Will tried to get up but Nico was still lying on top of him.

“Or we can cuddle ten more minutes.”

“Okay.” Will chuckled, lying down and kissing Nico’s forehead. “Ten more minutes.”

*

Ten minutes grew into an hour, so now they were driving on the highway to see Will’s mother. And they were late

They were wearing the sweaters Naomi made for them last year: Nico’s was black, with a skull in a Christmas year and Will’s yellow, reindeers on his sweater were circling around an embroidered bright sun.

Naomi Solace opened the door, wearing a red dress and an apron. Her auburn hair were gathered in a bun.

“Boys!” She cried, hugging them both. She smelled like cookies and chocolate. “Come in, come in. I have so many things to ask you. Nico, how’s there in Venice?”

Nico always loved that atmosphere that was in the air in Will’s childhood house on Christmas. It was special.

Naomi kept asking about Nico’s college, Venice, Will’s exams. She told them about many Christmas concerts she had. They were talking, laughing, singing.

*

The camp Half-Blood was always quiet on Christmas. There were like twenty people who stayed and Nico loved that calmness around the camp.

Walking to the Big House, Nico had so many memories. There’s the lake, where he and Will like to go on a canoe date. Here’s his cabin, no one lived there for a couple of years. He looked at the dining pavilion, a hole he made in a Christmas day many years ago, the worst day of his life. He looked at the Big House and could almost see teenagers Will and Nico playing this stupid card game with Dionysus on the porch.

Nostalgia flooded his heart and tears appeared in his eyes as he remembered the first day he saw this mazing place. It was ages ago but he remembered it as if it was tomorrow.

Will took his hand and Nico knew that Will had the same sweet ache in his heart.

Chiron galloped on the snowy meadow, greeting them and wishing merry Christmas. Dionysus looked as grumpy as usual but he felicitated them and gave Nico a candy cane. Nico never understood it but Dionysus had grown to care about Nico as if he was his son. Ever since that Tartarus thing… No, he told himself, don’t think about it.

They met Apollo on the archery spot.

“My boys!” He hugged Will and kissed the top of Nico’s head. Nico got used to this, the sun god has been doing this every time he saw Nico after the battle in the tower of Nero. It was sort of a habit.

“You guys look so good.” Apollo beamed at them. “How have you been? My boy was probably dying there without his cute little boyfriend on his side.” Apollo petted Nico’s cheek. Nico should’ve already get used to it but he still blushed.

After Apollo they met Piper and Leo, who returned to camp to work on some secret project or whatever. Then they met Kayla and Austin and went to the dining pavilion to drink eggnog together.

*

The next stop were Jacksons. Sally’s greeting was as warm as usual. She almost treated Percy’s demigod friends as if they are her own children. Estelle was already six and she kept clinging to Nico, ranting about everything.

Will and Annabeth were discussing something about colleges, while Percy told Nico about New Rome, the huntresses and all that he missed when he was in Venice.

“Thank the fates there’s no titans, giants and gods who seek for help this year.” Percy said, snatching a cookie from Sally’s tray. “It’s been calm for years.”

“Hey.” Nico slightly hit him on the head. “Don’t jinx it, idiota. “

Percy rubbed his head, pouting a little but couldn’t argue with di Angelo.

*

They didn’t stay for a long time in Hades place. It wasn’t in the Underworld, no. He had a luxurious house, little gloomy but snug in the living world. Nico always felt uncomfortable when Demeter was around, so he was happy it was only his father and Persephone.

His stepmother wasn’t that horrible now, after all these years she had grown to maybe like Nico and Will, being the son of a son god, had a good effect on her flowers, so she didn’t mind them visiting sometimes. As a Christmas present she gave Nico a whole bouquet of roses and he had no idea what to do with them. The bouquet was two big and Will said it was cute how when Nico hold it, his face couldn’t be seen and roses almost overbalanced them.

It was the most awkward meeting this Christmas. Hades had gave Nico too many presents: the brand new IPhone that came out like yesterday, new watches (Nico didn’t even wear watches) and transferred more money to his bank account. Knowing that Nico, didn’t like driving, he solemnly handed over new car keys for Will, staying that the car was already on the parking lot of their house. Hades gave Will a new car every Christmas, since he was 17 and Will didn’t know what to do with them all. When they tried to sell one, Hades took offense, so they had to keep them.

Besides the present he kept glaring at Will as if he did something bad and even though they’ve been together for five years now, he asked what was his actual intentions, while Persephone gave Nico a lecture about why they should have more flowers in home.

They walked out of Hades’ place embarrassed, as usual.

*

The New Rome was, unlike Camp Half-Blood, very animated. The Christmas was in the air.

Huntresses of Artemis came by, having a day of. Nico was happy to chat with Reyna but he kept looking for one particular person in the crowd.

Jason told him he’ll come back to America too and will celebrate Christmas in New Rome.

Nico looked around, suddenly yelping when someone hugged him from the back, lifting him from the ground.

“Jason!” Nico laughed.

“Hey, lil bro.” Jason smiled, petting his head. “Hello, Will.” He gave Will a high-five.

“How are you? How’s London.” Nico asked, when they sat down on the bench.

“Everything’s cool. A little busy, though. I won’t be able to stay for too long.” Jason answered.

“Well,” Will faced Jason. “You definitely have to visit us before you leave.”

“Yeah.” Nico said. “Anything new in your…personal life?” Nico asked curiously.

Jason laughed softly.

“Maybe.” Nico squinted at him. “Come on, you know I’d tell you if it was serious.” But Jason looked slightly embarrassed. “Ugh, so… Did you guys see Hazel already?”

“Nah.” Nico said. “Reyna said she and Frank are a little busy now.”

“I wonder what are they busy with.” Will chuckled, making both Jason and Nico’s eyes widen.

“Will!”

*

A half an hour later, Hazel and Frank finally walked out of their praetor house. Frank squeezed Nico and Will in a bear hug, Hazel kissed Nico on the check and hugged Will.

“Gods, I’ve missed you.” She said, taking Nico’s hand. “How’s college?”

They walked together, Nico talking about his year in Venice, Will about his exams and stuff. Frank told them that he’s been planning to go back to Canada next year. He wants to join an army.

“Really?” Nico was a little shocked. “But what about your praetor position.”

Frank looked around, observing the camp as the stood on the hill.

“There’s a lot of worthy guys. Lavinia, for example.” He sighed. “We were just thinking about trying to have our own life, you know? No war, no gods.”

Will looked at Hazel.

“So you’re leaving too?”

Hazel looked a little sad but a gleam lightened in her eyes.

“I want to go to college. In Canada. We’re planning to move together.” She looked at Nico, as if expecting his reaction. He took her hand.

“That’s great! I’m sure you guys we’ll be fine.”

Hazel smiled at him, resting her curly head on her brother’s shoulder.

*

They drove back home in silence, a warm feeling in their hearts.

“You know.” Nico started, looking at Will. “Five years ago I couldn’t imagine it’ll be like this.”

Will quickly glanced at him, then returning his eyes on the road.

“What do you mean?”

Nico sighed, closing his eyes.

“I have everything now, you know. And it scares me, how fast the nights are changing. I still remember the Battle of Manhattan, as if it was yesterday. And here we are now. And all this changes, they are… Scary. Me living in Venice, you here, Hazel and Frank leaving to Canada. Even Percy and Annabeth are planning to move somewhere else. And what if with all these changes… we’ll lose each other?”

Will removed one hand from the steering wheel, resting it on Nico’s lap. He slowed down the car a little and looked at Nico.

“I know what you mean. Ever since you went to college, it’s been bothering me. But you know what?” Will smiled, squeezing Nico’s hand. “No matter what, we are family. All of us. This Christmas all I can think about is family. My mom, dad, siblings. You. You and your friends, your sister. Even your father.” Will chuckled. “We all are family. And it doesn’t matter where we live and what we do. We’re always together.”

Nico fell silent for a moment, thinking about Will’s words. Then he smiled.

“Right.” He rubbed Will’s hand with a thumb, feeling his warmth. “Family.”

So many years Nico spent looking for something, that will make him feel calm. Happy. He had friends, sister. He met Will. And on this Christmas evening he finally found the right word. They were together, no matter what. Jason, Reyna, Percy. Will’s parents and Nico’s parents. Hazel and Frank. And, most important, Will. He had them all. They were his actual family.

Nico closed his eyes, feeling drowsy as the car wiggled a little. He used to wonder how his life would go if Bianca was with him. But now it didn’t matter. All the things he’s been through was perfectly safe in his heart and he loved them. His life led him to something wonderful.

Eight years passed since the worst Christmas of his life. And today was probably the best Christmas he’d ever had.

Yes, it didn’t matter if he was in Venice, Will in America and Hazel in Canada. It didn’t matter where his family was. As long as love lived in his heart, they are together.

Nico opened his eyes, glancing at Will, who was concentrating on the road. He smiled, closing his eyes again.

Family, he thought as he fell asleep, still feeling Will’s hand in his own.

(Thank you guys for supporting and reading my blog. I've started it few month ago and there's already so many of you! Thank you so much 💕💕💕💕 Merry Christmas guys

[quickspinner]

Hi, I kind of have some questions that I’m curious about. Let’s say ML is getting a reboot and you were a writer hired for the show. 1. What would you change? And which episodes would you remove? 2.How would you have written Luka into season 1? 3. How would have made the interactions between Luka and Marinette work? 4. How would you write Lukanette to be endgame?

I feel like this is an essay question on a final exam! 😆 I’m going to have to be general by necessity here or I’d be writing several pages of thesis for weeks. (edit: and even so it is super long and wordy, so just imagine how bad it could have been) 

1. What would I change?

Honestly, I don’t think I would change a lot of the basic premise. I like the show and I like the characters as a whole, but I would definitely tweak a few things in the storytelling approach. 

a) I would remove some of the restrictions they’ve placed on themselves, such as their commitment to each episode being as stand alone as possible. It’s possible to have continuity and still have an episode format where young kids can jump in at any point and understand what’s going on. You can have character growth and consistent timelines without making it so that anyone who misses an episode is lost, and you can have the occasional two-parter episode if you have a heavy point to make. If this ultimately ends up shifting the target audience a little older, then so be it, although I don’t think it’s especially necessary. I feel like one of the show’s big problems is that they’re trying to tell a story that’s outgrown their framework, and it’s something that should have been planned for from the beginning.

b) I would rework their ‘forumula’ of having Marinette make a mistake and then learn from it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the idea of ‘each episode should teach a lesson’ but they’re not committed enough to it, and it’s a mistake to think that just because Marinette is the protagonist, she has to be the one making all the mistakes and learning all the lessons. As a result we end up with Marinette suffering for no good reason and apologizing in situations where she did nothing wrong, and the ‘lesson’ she was meant to learn ends up muddled and confusing. It’s okay if not every episode has a lesson. As a parent I don’t ask that every single moment of my children’s entertainment be educational, just that it not be actively harmful, and the current presentation often is thanks to their determination to blame Marinette and the confusing messaging that results. So, follow through with that lesson formula most of the time, but let the appropriate character learn a lesson, and address it more clearly. 

Gamer 2.0 is a perfect example. The worst thing Marinette did was disregard Max’s feelings about the tournament so that she could play with Adrien, and they could have acknowledged that while also having Max learn the lesson that sometimes you have to learn to lose gracefully, and that just because effort isn’t rewarded the way you wanted it to be, it doesn’t mean it was without value. Or Reflekdoll; both Juleka and Alya had lessons to learn about communicating clearly and paying attention to other people’s feelings respectively. 

c) Expanding from that, I’d have the narrative hold people accountable more equitably across the board. A good 90% of my frustration with Adrien/Chat Noir is that the narrative never holds him accountable for his actions (I’m excluding NY here because I have a whole other essay’s worth of Stuff to say on that, but yes, I will acknowledge that it was at least a minimal step forward towards holding him accountable). What I mean by that is, there is never any doubt that Chloe is behaving badly. There is never any doubt that Lila is not a good person. The narrative makes it clear through their presentations, the other characters’ reactions to them, and the consequences of their actions, that the way they behave is not okay.

Likewise, the narrative never fails to condemn Marinette for her mistakes, often through ridicule and humiliation and sometimes by consequences far out of proportion of her actual mistakes. 

Adrien/Chat is never on the receiving end of that. None of the things he does that we’re all so salty about are ever that bad, certainly no worse than many other characters. However, he’s never held to account for it. There’s never any apology, and rarely any consequences. Copycat is maybe the closest episode to holding Chat accountable, but even so there’s no acknowledgement or apology required for Chat himself. Because, as per point b above, Marinette is the one who makes mistakes and learns lessons and so it’s her mistakes that we focus on. I was utterly shocked in Frozer when he leaned forward and told her to use her lucky charm instead of saying “hey, sorry I ran off and left you to face the villain alone, which might have gotten you seriously hurt if I hadn’t happened along in the nick of time.” It wasn’t fair of him to be upset with Ladybug in Siren when she agreed to do what she could to get Fu to fill him in (and followed through) but there was no apology for that either. He was right to be upset but he was mad at the wrong person, and at the end of the day he got what he wanted without actually having to admit that he did anything wrong or unfair, and that’s frustrating. Glaciator came close, when he graciously accepted Ladybug’s rejection, but there was no change after that to drive it home (and he wasn’t held accountable for lying to his friends to ditch their ice cream plan either). Again, none of these things individually make him a bad person or a horrible character, but it’s grating to see him constantly let off the hook, usually with Marinette having to take responsibility instead.

Not only Chat, but Alya as well, and we’ve actually seen Nino do some apologizing so that’s a positive start. Get past the idea that Marinette is the only one who can make mistakes and learn a lesson; the kids will learn it just as well from someone else. Go watch some 80′s cartoons, geeze, they were masters of the morality-based narrative. 

Let us see Chat (and others) apologize and then (per point a) improve his behavior, maybe getting upset and caught up in his feelings again but this time recognizing that they have a job to do first. Let everybody grow, instead of pounding on Marinette again and again and again. 

d) More time with the side characters. I don’t know how I’d manage it tbh, half an hour is not a lot of time, but I would love to see more of the friendships and especially the art club. Perhaps if the show were less focused on making Marinette the lesson of every episode, there would be more time for the other characters to grow and learn and be explored.

Which episodes would you remove?

I don’t think there are any episodes that I would remove...maybe Party Crasher because that episode was just...weird...but I did like the friendship aspect of it (this is one of those ones where their formula gets muddy and confusing, because...”don’t tell lies and make crappy excuses to your friends” is really what we were supposed to get from that? So, I don’t know if that episode was salvageable. Almost all the other episodes that really give me cringe (hello, Puppeteer 2) contained important moments that could have been delivered in a less upsetting matter if the points above were addressed. Stormy Weather 2 was pretty pointless, but it wouldn’t have been if there had been any actual continuity for a clip show to catch you up on. (while we were chatting today @verfound made a great point though about how Puppeteer 2 could have been used as a clip show as they walked through the wax museum, and I had to agree that would have been much more effective).

2.How would you have written Luka into season 1?

I honestly don’t think I would have? I think he came in at right about the right time. I would have maybe given him a cameo in Reflekta just to set up Captain Hardrock a little more, but other than that, I don’t think it was time for him to come on the scene yet.

3. How would have made the interactions between Luka and Marinette work?

I actually really like how things are now. I would like to see Marinette be more direct and honest with him. Right now, Luka consistently arranges everything so that she never has to admit anything she isn’t ready for. He addresses her feelings without her ever having to bring them up, admit to them, or voice them on her own, and while that’s very kind and I feel like both Luka’s perceptiveness and his kindness and desire to make her comfortable are very central to his character, I would like Marinette tp at some point acknowledge his feelings and her own to his face. Right now their relationship has a level of honesty that I feel like is lacking in most of the others, but it’s mainly due to Luka’s perceptiveness and willingness to be honest himself than it does with anything Marinette’s done, so I’d like to see her exhibit a little more agency there. 

4. How would you write Lukanette to be endgame?

Ooof...I mean, I feel like I addressed some possibilities for that in Finding Harmony and in Second Chance. Marinette has to get over her feelings for Adrien, either by recognizing that she’s just ready to let go (Finding Harmony), dating him and letting the relationship come to a natural end (Second Chance), or confessing her feelings to him and being rejected so that she can get through the heartbreak and move on. The push-and-pull situation the show has her in right now was sustainable for a while, and for seasons one and two it felt like there was some growth there so her constant flailing didn’t seem totally useless. It seemed like she was getting closer to telling him, like she was getting more comfortable with him over time, like there was still the possibility of him liking her back. Up through Despair Bear I was on board with the Adrien is oblivious/in denial of his feelings theory and all was well. 

But as he continued to choose Kagami over Marinette over and over then Marinette’s flailing began to be more pathetic and hopeless, and I became less willing to believe that Adrien had any real feelings for Marinette beyond friendship, and that’s where the ‘Whatever chance there was, I think I missed it’ conversation in Finding Harmony came from. There was a moment where maybe if she had been able to confess they could have been something, but she didn’t, and the moment has passed and now she has to move on.

So yeah, to me there has to be a breaking point of some kind that gives Marinette that push to start making an effort to get over her feelings (Puppeteer 2 would have been the perfect place for it, and I think it was after that episode that I actually started writing Finding Harmony). She’d have to put in effort, it would be hard, and she would do everything she was attempting to do in the NY special and more, and it would take time and support and it would hurt. There’d be Lukanette comfort and support just like there has been up until now, but they wouldn’t date until Marinette reached a point where she really felt free. 

Second Chance was more along the lines of what I expected to actually happen, in that Marinette and Adrien would get together for a while, and then post series there would be a breakup and a reunion with Luka where they rekindle their feelings. 

I haven’t written a fic where Marinette confesses and is rejected because I just don’t want to deal in that kind of pain. But, Miracle Queen is honestly an acceptable substitute, where she sees Adrien’s budding relationship with someone else and resigns herself to it and commits to moving on. I just would want season 4 to pick up at that point, and move her through that difficult time of trying to break all those old habits, trying to find a way to be his friend without indulging in ways that are unhealthy for her (like long tight hugs and sniffing his cologne). I don’t think rushing straight into another relationship is a healthy answer for either Marinette or Luka. This is something Marinette has to work through, and Luka can support her, but she has to do the work herself. 

So that’s my off-the-cuff, didn’t study, winging it exam answer. Hope it satisfies some of your curiosity!

[barnes-dameron]

I Think of You

Double Sided Facade 

Soccer player!Cassian Andor x physical therapist!reader

Summary: You came to this country to learn the language and find work to pay off for school, nothing else. Getting a job as a physical therapist for the National soccer team was a plus and getting to see the star player, Cassian Andor, was a major plus as well. But what happens when your visa expires and immigration is on your tail? Your only hope resides in Cassian, who is more than willing to marry you until you can get your green card. What can go wrong?

Word count: 2.9k 

A/N: This is going to be a series but I don’t know how long will it be. I didn’t explicitly say what country this is taking place in because I want everyone who reads this to feel included. So for example, if you’re from the U.S., you can pretend it takes place in Mexico since Diego Luna is from there. Or if you’re from Mexico, you can pretend it takes place in the U.S. or another country. I want all readers to feel included instead of being excluded.  I hope you all enjoy! Let me know if you want to be tagged for future parts. 

Catch up: Part One

***

Cassian had to admit to himself that he was starting to panic when he saw your reaction to his insane question. You stood there in front of him, your eyes wide and your mouth open and gaping. 

“Cassian,” you let out slowly in a voice just above a whisper. “What are you doing?” 

Cassian got up from his stance on the floor to stand in front of you. He needed to be calm and collected, else wise he would spill everything to you. 

“I know about your visa,” Cassian revealed. “You can’t leave now. Not when the season is about to start. So I figured the best way for you to stay is marrying a citizen so you can at least get a residency here faster than the usual process.”

Cassian watched your chest rise slowly and fall at the same rate. Your eyes were no longer wide from shock, but were wide with disbelief. 

“Cassian, I can’t let you do this,” you whispered. “If someone finds out that the marriage is fake, it could run your career.” 

“I’m willing to take that chance,” Cassian replied quickly. meaning every word.

“You would really do this?” you asked, your gaze burning into Cassian, but he welcomed it either way. 

“I would,” Cassian said, looking into your eyes and noting the different shades of color. He suddenly found it hard to breathe in that moment. “It’s what’s best for-” He stopped himself before he could say anything else. He was about to say for you, he would do whatever he can, whatever is best for you. But he couldn’t say that, and you couldn’t know. “The team,” he finished. “It’s what’s best for the team.” 

“Okay,” you said, nodding your head. “I have to go tell Mon and Bail.” 

Cassian let out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding as he watched you make your way out of the exam room to the door. So this was happening. It wasn’t how he imagined it in his head. He always thought he would propose to you on the beach after a night of dinner and dancing. The moon would be shining bright, casting its reflection on the navy blue waves. The sand would still be warm under your feet. It would’ve been perfect. Of course, he imagined asking you to marry him would occur after two years of dating and learning everything about you. But life doesn’t come out the way you plan doesn’t it? 

Cassian turned around in the room, looking for where he put his shoes before participating in the therapy. But the next thing he knew, you were wrapping your arms around his neck, and fitting your head against his neck. Cassian was shocked from both the embrace and the closeness. However he welcomed the warmth that radiated off of you and the sweet scent from your shampoo. 

“Thank you,” you mumbled into his neck. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

As quickly as you appeared before him, you left, leaving him a gaping mess as he processed what just happened. He kicked himself for not reciprocating the action. He wanted to wrap his arms around you and bring you closer to him. He wanted to press his head against yours, and leave you a kiss. But instead he was shocked from the action, and stood there like a tree. Well, hopefully the opportunity would present itself again. 

***

You traced the wood pattern of the table as Anderson’s voice droned on and on in the Rebel’s conference room. It’s been about two weeks since Cassian’s proposal, and once you told Mon and Bail, they sent out for Anderson to draw up the marital contract. 

You sat at the long oak table listening to Anderson, who sat at the head of the table. Alongside you was your own lawyer, diligently taking notes on her pad. After revealing everything that happened to you to Jyn, she recommended for you to get your own lawyer in case someone “tries to screw you over,” her words. Across the table sat Cassian, dressed in a suit instead of his usual uniform which you were so used to seeing him in. You secretly scolded yourself from admiring the way he looks in it. Does he have to look good in everything he wears?  He was sitting next to his own lawyer who was also taking notes. 

“So in summary,” Anderson finally said, grabbing your attention at last. “Mr. Andor and Ms. L/N will marry as soon as possible so his citizenship would cover her for a time period of one year. During the time period, Ms. L/N will be required to live with Mr. Andor in order to make the marriage look authentic and in the case an immigration worker makes a surprise home visit. After the one year time period, they are free to divorce. Is there anything that the parties would like to present?” 

“Yes,” your lawyer jumped in as soon as Anderson finished. “My client would like to propose that she and Mr. Andor will get an annulment instead of a divorce, for personal reasons.” 

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks when your lawyer announced that. You really didn’t want to get a divorce, the idea of divorcing someone without a good reason bothered you. Plus the divorce could bring unwanted publicity since you would be divorcing the captain of the major soccer team in the country, and there could be a possibility that someone will unveil the true nature of your fake relationship. 

You watched Anderson’s brow furrow together, his pen trembling a bit in his hand. 

“Well,” Anderson said, still processing the request. “The only grounds for annulment for the two parties would be failure to consummate the marriage.”

“That’s right,” your lawyer replied confidently, her spine straight and her gaze icy. That was another personal reason. It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex with Cassian, but you were sure that he doesn’t have any intention to be with you intimately. He wasn’t doing this whole thing for you anyway, it was for the team. You figured it would be best for the both of you to try and maintain your mutual friendship as long as possible, not to make it any more awkward then it needs to be. “Since my client works closely with Mr. Andor, we thought it might be best that they maintain their professional relationship.” 

“I see,” Anderson said, turning his attention to Cassian’s side of the table. “Does the other party agree with this proposal?”

“Yes,” Cassian replied, not waiting to discuss with his lawyer who seemed to be annoyed with him. 

“Very well,” Anderson concluded, making a note on his pad. “Is there anything else?”

“Yes,” Cassian’s lawyer spoke up. “We would like to propose that Ms. L/N will sign a prenuptial agreement in order to protect the wealth and properties of my client.” 

You felt like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over your head. A part of you couldn’t believe that Cassian would think you would take half of his money and belongings. Does he really think that lowly of you? However at the same time, you understood why he would do it. It’s only temporary, you reminded yourself. 

“Understandable,” Anderson said, turning his gaze to you and your lawyer. “Does the other party agree with this proposal?”

“Yes,” you affirmed, pressing your lips into a fine line. 

You never thought this was how your marriage would start off...with a legalized contract and lawyers. Every little girl’s dream. 

“Very well,” Anderson said, making another note. “If there is nothing else, I will go ahead and add these points so that it is ready to be signed tomorrow. As for now, you are dismissed.”

You watched as Anderson packed up his documents into his briefcase before leaving the room. As you watched him walk out, you silently wondered how big is the stick that seems to be shoved up in his ass. Your lawyer gave you a small goodbye as she too left the room with her briefcase. You took a deep breath, glad that this meeting was over. You bent down to grab your bag, and when you stood back up, you were met with Cassian’s stance right in front of you. 

“Hey,” he started, his hands shoved into his pants pockets. “I was wondering if you were still free for tonight?” 

Over the past two weeks, you and Cassian have been going out to dinner in order to learn more about each other so you can make your marriage look real. Neither of you know what kind of questions the immigration agent will ask, so you had to learn everything about each other, inside and out. It’s been nice, but after every dinner, you had to remind yourself that it was all fake. Your relationship is fake, the marriage will be fake, but you couldn’t help to feel real feelings. The dinners were a facade for the public, but at times the facade fooled you as well. Fooled you to think that it was real, and gave you false hope that anything could happen.

“Yeah,” you replied, ignoring the butterflies that were erupting in your stomach. 

“Great,” Cassian said, a small grin appearing on his face, making your knee go weak. “I’ll pick you up around six.” 

“Great,” you repeated. “I’ll see you then.” 

You gripped the strap of your bag, and made your way out of the room towards the elevators, not bothering to give Cassian a goodbye. As soon as you got into the elevator, you pressed your head against the wall. You can’t catch feelings. You can’t risk this, and mess it up for both you and Cassian. But you couldn’t help but think about Cassian’s smile when hearing you were free. He smiled...

***

Cassian waited outside in front of your apartment building, leaning against his car. He would’ve gone up to get you, but you begged him not to. The first time he took you out, he came to your door. Some of your neighbors caught sight of him and instantly recognized him, which led to autographs and pictures and caused you two to be late to the dinner reservation. After that, you told him not to come up again, and he respected your wishes. 

His head snapped up when he heard the building door open. Cassian’s stomach dropped to the street and every rational thought in his mind disappeared into the abyss. The only thing he could focus on was you. You were wearing a flowing magenta off the shoulders dress. The length ended just a little below your knee, revealing your smooth beautiful legs. You wore your hair naturally with a flower behind your right ear. Your stride was graceful and confident, like a queen. All the air escaped Cassian’s lungs, and he felt heat blooming in his core as well as his cock hardening. 

“Hi,” you greeted. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” Cassian got out, struggling to find proper words. “Let’s go.”

Cassian opened the passenger door for you, trying to think of things to calm himself down. The drive to the restaurant was silent. You didn’t say anything, just looked out the window, and Cassian couldn’t think of anything to say to you in that moment. He was still in shock of your beauty. He always thought you were a beautiful woman, but tonight you were strikingly gorgeous. The past couple of dinners, Cassian wanted them to be a date without an impending marriage hanging over your heads. But now, he desperately wanted tonight to be a date. He wanted to hold your hand, to hug you close, and to kiss you with everything he has. But then he remembered the annulment that you requested. He can’t have what he truly wanted. He was Tantalus and you were a delectable fruit. He could only admire the thing he wanted most, but knows he will never get it.

Cassian walked behind you as the two of you entered the restaurant. It was softly lighted, creating a romantic ambiance to the place that he originally didn’t intend. The place was near the beach, the gentle lapping of the waves heard in the background when the violinist was in between songs. Cassian has never been to this restaurant, and he mentally cursed Kay for suggesting this place. This place will only make it harder to suppress his feelings toward you. 

The waiter sat you both at a table that was close to the beach and near the violinist. The candle light from the center of the table casted a soft glow on your face, bringing out your gentle features. Cassian had to be sure to take deep breaths every once in a while. This would be the last dinner as colleagues before becoming husband and wife. The thought still shocked Cassian. 

“So that meeting today,” you said, trying to break the silence. 

“Yeah,” Cassian let out, trying to think of something else to say. “Kinda crazy right?” 

“I know,” you replied. “I just hope nothing changes between us.”

That comment hit Cassian like a bullet in the chest. So it was clear, you didn’t want anything else with him. He always thought that was how you felt, but hearing you actually say it hurts even more. 

“Yeah,” Cassian agreed. “It’s only for a year anyways, it’ll be over before we know it.” 

Cassian felt a pang in his heart when you pressed your lips into a thin line. This whole thing was crazy. Cassian knew he would fall deeper in love with you as this time goes by, which would make the split hurt more. He would be worse off next year compared to now. Cassian thought he was broken now, but once you walk away from this fake relationship, he will be shattered. Cassian couldn’t concentrate on the items on the menu, and decided to order whatever the chef recommends. 

“Cassian,” you said, placing your hand on top of his softly, gently grabbing his attention. He felt an electric shock upon the touch, making it hard for him to concentrate. “Are you sure you want to do this? You could still back out, we didn’t sign the contract yet.” 

Of course he wanted to do this. Sure you two would only be husband and wife on paper, wouldn’t be an actual couple, wouldn’t exchange blissful kisses, or even have sex. But he would still get to see you every day and night, and that was enough for him. 

“I’m sure,” Cassian affirmed. “This is what’s best.” Cassian fumbled his other hand around in his pants pocket, reaching for the small velvet box. It was Anderson’s idea to make a formal proposal in public in order to get the support of the fans. They needed to get the public’s support so no one would dare question the nature of your marriage. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” you breathed out, rubbing your hands over your thighs. “Let’s do this.” 

Cassian nodded, getting out of his seat and kneeling on one knee before you, the second time. He heard the collective gasps and “oh my gosh’s” of the other restaurant patrons. He saw the flashes of people taking pictures from his peripheral vision, and heard the whispers of others saying “Is that Cassian Andor from the Rebels?” The plan was working. Cassian brought out the navy blue box, presenting it to you, and opening it to reveal a dazzling two karat diamond ring. He had to admit it to himself, he found it fun picking out a ring for you. He wanted to get you something that was impressive but no too over the top. When his eyes landed on the chosen ring, he knew it would be perfect for you. But some of the dread washed up against him. At some point in the future he’ll have to return it. For now, however, he pushed those thoughts aside. 

“Y/N L/N,” Cassian began. “Love of my life, my only one, will you marry me?” 

He watched you bring both your hands to cover your mouth in shock, before pressing them against your heart. A smile spread across your face as tears formed in the corner of your eyes. You nodded your head, pretending to be at a loss for words then strangling out a quiet “yes.” You were a good actress. 

Cassian smiled in turn, placing the ring on your finger as the small crowd around him applauded. He placed his hand along your jaw, bringing your lips to meet his. This was his first kiss with you, and he never wanted it to end. Your lips were smooth and soft to the touch, intoxicating if anything. But he pulled back, not wanting to get caught up in the action. He smiled at you when he broke away, watching as you did the same. 

So this was it, the beginning of a long journey which would leave Cassian an utter mess. For a moment, however, he got caught up in the scheme. For a moment, he felt like he was actually proposing to you. For a moment, he felt that your yes was genuine. For a moment, he felt that your returned kiss matched his feelings. But it was all a lie; a coping mechanism for the impending future. 

Cassian turned around, facing the multiple cameras and smiling with your hand in his. He nodded to some who waved, and thanked those who gave him congratulations. 

And this is only the beginning, Cassian thought to himself.  

To be continued...