#i am. in agony.
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im losing it im losing it the ""solution"" to the restoration of destiny is quite literally the cruelest thing you could do to lloyd and javier
"[...] you or Javier Asrahan must die or vanish from this world.]
fuck you for putting this line directly after we hear how lloyd wants them to grow old together. BK Moon didnt think shanking me was enough, he needed to twist the knife
First off, basic knowledge. Lloyd and Javier love the fiefdom. They love it. Lloyd couches his love in his pragmatism and his desire for a relaxing life, but this man now sincerely cares for his fiefdom so much. Javier, from before we even met him, we knew he loved the fiefdom, first as the place his lord was from, and then as his new home. This is not in question for either of them.
Second, macro level - either of these boys "leaving" the fiefdom, either by death or "vanishing", would be a complete loss to the fiefdom. Javier clearly notes this a few times about Lloyd, and how his knowledge is the key to the fiefdoms flourishing success. Lloyd I dont think has ever even considered Javier not being around for the fiefdom, but he HAS been likened to a weapon of mass destruction, and losing someone that would be absolutely devastating to the fiefdoms strength. Thus, on a purely practical level that boys like to pretend they work on, the loss of either person is incalculable.
Now thirdly... thirdly is the fucking juicy personal level. These two are besties. Theyve been through a lot of shit together, from insurmountable debt and obviously terrifying battles. These two, originally isolated from other people due to harsh circumstances, found a home in the Frontera fiefdom, and then each other. They are not the type of guys who can open up easily; i think Javier has 1 other friend and its Julian, another Frontera, and Lloyd literally just admitted to us that Javier is his one friend. It took them -checks notes- 220 chapters to admit they were friends at all.
So i think it's fair to say that these two are the type to be cautious with their hearts... and then cling like a bear trap to anyone who can break in. Hell, thats literally the plot of The Knight of Blood and Iron - Javier never lets go of his connection to his lord, even long after his death, and when important people ask for his loyalty instead. Now toss in the recent chapter where Javier swears that Lloyd is his true master in his heart. And then, of course, Lloyds desire to give Javier peace he didnt get in TKoBaI and have him by his side until they grow old together.
Now. Stir all that together, and present the solution that one of them must stop existing for their home continue to exist
#AHHHHHHHHH#i am. in agony.#tged#tged liveblog#ch 327#tged spoilers#i didnt even get into what Home means for these two#and what all their sore spots are in their pasts that make them the way they are#oh my god
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Artist: narutoss.ramen on twt
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#satosugu#geto suguru#shaking crying throwing up#i am in agony
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the four horsemen of Queer Agony
#can you believe all four of these are canon and two of them have kissed. can you.#hannibal#supernatural#our flag means death#ofmd#nbc hannibal#good omens#good omens 2#spn#good omens season 2#good omens s2#good omens spoilers#anyway. complex queer tragedy era go brrrrr#i mean ik that castiel got sent to superhell but bear with me#destiel#ineffable husbands#hannigram#blackbonnet#im also so incredibly unwell about the 'i forgive you' hannigram and aziracrow parallel i truly am#four horsemen of queer agony
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Eyebawls…
#my art#honkai star rail#hsr#aventurine#jiaoqiu#dr ratio#feixiao#hsr moze#moze#i am so artblocked#agony#i cant draw anything#veritas ratio
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Demo has had many careers - tattoo artist isn't one of them.
#tf2#tf2 fanart#team fortress 2#tf2 soldier#tf2 demoman#demo warned him a tattoo might be painful and he's just thinking 'wow! he wasn't kidding! i! am! in! agony!'#then they go wake medic up at 3am to grow soldier a new arm#slowly drawing all the mercs shirtless ig 🥴#i as gonna add a tanktop to solider but my boyf came along and was like '...you don't....neeed to add one...ifyoudontwantto.........' HMMM#omg how has it been this long and ive never drawn a gun or someone holding one?? fake fan i guess
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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(Don't attack)
> Attack the only person left
#in stars and time#in stars and time siffrin#isat#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#in stars and time isabeau#in stars and time odile#isat odile#isat bonnie#in stars and time bonnie#isat mirabelle#in stars and time mirabelle#asil and art#I am in agony on my knees /pos#there are not enough fics out there to make up for the emotional damage
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I want you to come. I want you to witness.
#iwtvedit#iwtv#interview with the vampire#loumand#armand#louis de pointe du lac#iwtv spoilers#i have tried reposting this gifset literally a dozen times i am in agony. alas.
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in commemoration of reload, here’s the full hamuko paintover from november
#my art#hamuko arisato#p3r#p3#kotone shiomi#minako arisato#persona 3 reload#at a certain point i just realized i don’t really have the skills or motivation to finish it#i am not built for this kinda rendering at this stage in my artistic career#it’s just more time and effort and agony than i’m willing to spend rn yknow#but i’m proud of what i’ve done
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#i am suffering i’m not even joking#living in agony at the thought i’ll never actually have him#just wanna sit in his lap and be called princess 😩🫠#old man!logan#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader
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claudia should not have to suffer at the hands of ancient insane homosexuals she should be a girl blogger teenager in her 20s using her blog as a digital diary posting every thought she’s ever had and tagging posts of deer napping in a field together with ‘me and who’ and ‘mutuals do this’
#she is like a mutual to me#she is like when a mutual posts about being sad and i am filled with agony that there is so much pain in the world#claudiaaaaaaaaaaaa#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#m
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strike me, pierce me straight through the heart 🔪❤️
(bloodless version below cut)
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She knew the hard thing to do was the thing that had to be done. And by hard, I mean impossible. Now, there's no comfort. You just choose your burden.
LOKI 2.06 Glorious Purpose
#i am in agony#loki#loki tv#lokiedit#lokitvedit#loki laufeyson#mobius#mobius m mobius#lokius#lokiusedit#marveledit#mine#ella edits
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*snore*
#au#the lost child#arte digital#fnaf gregory#glamrock freddy#fnaf security breach#au animal#fanart#animation#i am in agony
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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How are you?
I am doing the best I can given the circumstances! (Horse dead, scammed thousands, got bald)
#There is an unspeakable agony in the marrow of my bones#I am rotting from the inside out in real time and I can do nothing but watch the decay and pretend to find beauty in it#But the maggots burrowing inside me love me more than anyone else ever could#For they have tasted me as I truly am and decided my rotten meat is something to savor#I am doing about as alright as any of you Number One#The earth still turns and I will wake up again tomorrow a little less rotten
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