#i am writing this while extremely sleepy and 5 hour of sleep

[tmbatcat]

I just want a DE fic where Harry narrates to Kim what all the skills are saying one for one, with the names and all. (Not all the time. I imagine Kim after a while being "skills, what's your opinion on this?" and they would do their job better because of it) Just spills out all his brain for everyone to see.

I also want Kim, in time, to find this quite interesting... from a "go to therapy" to "damn, he can read minds and see the future."

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

Vil's Lemon Cookies

A/N: This is a commission for @starshiningsirius . I am happy I was able to write it. Vil is very handsome... I secretly love him a lot. I will express it more in the future I hope.

tags: fem!reader, aphrodisiac, closet sex wc: 4.6k+

You looked at the macaroons with a defeated sigh. They looked horrific. You stayed up all night making them. The entire recipe was made from scratch to show the person you wanted to give them to that you were capable of putting your heart into something like this. You tried to make them in cute little heart shapes for Valentine’s Day but it was all in vain.

They were oblong and abstract in shapes. The cream filling was the only appealing part. You knew the task would be extremely tedious, however the effort was necessary for the person you wanted to give the cookies to. “They don’t look that bad…” Grim yawned in the wooden chair, nodding off with lazy blinks of his big, round eyes. He had stayed up all night to help you, but now the desire for sleep was here to claim his conscious state. “They’re supposed to look like hearts, Grim.” You mumbled as the defeat melted into an expression more forlorn. “Close enough.” He yawned with a wide stretch of his jaw as you looked at the clock on your phone. It was 5:50am, consequently your classes started at 7:30. You didn’t really have time for a power nap AND to get ready. But you also didn’t want to be too exhausted to give the cookies to your Valentine. 

Sam promised that the strange vial of lemon extract would bring you closer to the person you baked the liquid into. Part of you wondered if it was bull, since it sounded more like some mystical love potion. And you were pretty sure during your History of Magic classes, the Professor had mentioned that was extremely illegal. But Sam could have been pitching you a metaphor. Or maybe he really did sell you a crime. Thinking about it in detail was starting to give you a headache. “Grim, do you want to go to school today?” You questioned the beast through your own exhaustion as your eyes roamed across the table. Covered in excess flour and remnants of your baking tragedy. You were only met with his soft snoring. Taking that as a firm ‘no’ to your question you sighed. 

You would be flying solo today, or perhaps even sneaking off to the library to catch up on some sleep. After cleaning up and tying your ugly macaroons up in a thin plastic bag and violet colored ribbon, you carried Grim upstairs to bed. You tucked him in and began to get ready for school with your eyes threatening to shut at every moment. The cafeteria sold espresso shots. You thought that grabbing one would be the best course of action for when you made it to the building. If you didn’t fall asleep walking down the path first. You showered and washed your hair, brushed your teeth while scrubbing the crust from your sleepy eyes. Finally, you got into your uniform. You looked yourself over in the mirror as a quick glance over for any possible imperfections. Maybe some lip gloss? Mascara maybe?

It was Valentine’s Day and you wanted to look your best to take away attention from the disfigured macaroons. But for now you just wanted to sleep on the couch. You grabbed your school bag and your phone, heading down to the lobby of Ramshackle for a swift power nap. The ghosts promised they would wake you up in time for classes, but they seemed worried. You were up all night. They thought that maybe it would be better for you to skip the first few hours to catch up on a few hours of needed rest. But you refused. With sorry expressions, they promised to wake you up in time. 

-♡- 

You walked to school with haste. A scowl on your face with your eyes glued to your phone. Your blazer shielding you from the rain pelting against you. And it was only going to get stronger. The ghosts did wake you in time for classes. But only for that. You wouldn’t have any time to go hunting for the person you wished to gift the macaroons to. It could be that they intended for you to get some much needed sleep. But you didn’t have that in your timetable for Valentine’s Day. You had the cookies tucked into your school bag, pouting in silence as you made your way up the wet, stone stairs of the college. 

As you entered, your tired eyes spotted Vil walking far ahead on his way to class. You didn’t have time to stop him, and Rook was already singing his praises. The moment you reached your first class, the bell had rang. With a joyless and exhausted sigh you sat in your seat and pulled your notebook from your bag. The least you could do was get ready for a long lecture. But you didn’t realize that when you closed your eyes, the bell would be ringing again to signal the end of class. 

You actually fell asleep at your desk. 

Whipping your head around, seeing most of the students already heading to their next class. It left you with a sour taste in your mouth. This had to be the worst Valentine’s Day you had ever experienced. You shoved your things back into your bag, quickly rising to your feet to make it to your next class. However the thought of skipping to sleep in the library sounded more and more appealing with every step. As you left the classroom, a familiar face was waiting for you. A wide and friendly smile, his blunt bob pulled back into a ponytail and his hat missing from his head. “Bonjour! Did you sleep well?” Rook asked in a way most found unsettling. 

But with your attempts to be in the gaze of Vil, you had gotten used to him. “Very funny…” You mumbled as your pace began to slow as he walked beside you “Non, non! It is not a jest, I was sent to fetch you!~!” He chuckled as you finally slowed to a stop in the bustling hallway. A warmth settled in your face as you looked at him with suspicion. There was only one person that Rook would ever obey. “Do you have time after school?” He asked and you swiftly nodded. No hesitation needed. “Très bien! Please go straight to the Film Club at the end of the day. Someone will be waiting for you there,” Rook followed after you as you walked to your next class with your heart jumping excitedly in your chest. “And this is from me.” He handed you a small violet box as you reached the classroom door. Giving you a small nod farewell as the bell rang above you. You pulled open the box and frowned. It was an anatomically correct heart made of red chocolate. 

Gross. But fitting for someone like Rook to give as a gift. 

-♡-

The school day had finally ended, and you took in a small inhale as you stood outside of the Film Club. The chocolate heart Rook had gifted you was loaded with caffeine. Just enough for you to make it through the rest of the day. Hopefully there would be no one else present, you knew how aggressive some of the other students could be towards Vil. You rehearsed what you wanted to say in your mind as you started to pace. Smoothing out wrinkles in your uniform and trying to fix your hair. Should you try to play things cool? Maybe acting aloof and sultry? Be friendly, but not too friendly… Right? You swallowed down your anxiety and raised your head. Your hand clutched the brass knob tightly.

Just his acknowledgement would be enough to make you happy. It was quiet on the other side.

You took in a slow inhale, and let it all out before announcing that you were coming in. You forced open the door, eyes filled with determination. “Excuse me, Vil-” You stopped as a boiling warmth stung the flesh of your face. Amethyst colored eyes locked with yours as Vil frowned, holding a script in his slender, well manicured fingers. His hair was up in a neat braided bun, his ears had shimmering crystal earrings dangling softly with each delicate movement. “What? Come in, don’t just stand there.” He instructed firmly from where he leaned against the table. A silk, royal purple shirt exposing the flesh of his chest. Not a scar or freckle to be accounted for. It was tucked neatly into a pair of black Victorian styled trousers that naturally accentuated the gorgeous silhouette of his body. Down to blood colored stilettos, making Vil four inches taller than before. You were taken aback by his appearance. You didn’t expect him to be dressed for the club already.

Now you felt far too underdressed to see him. 

Your disheveled uniform made you feel the urge to spin on your heels and leave the room. “Um…” Your rehearsals were all in vain as you awkwardly closed the door to the club room behind you. “Yes? Did Rook send you? Perfect, I needed to speak with you this morning.” He wasn’t waiting for you to explain yourself and jumped to his own conclusions with a grin. The soft rain pelting against the glass windows. It pulled you deeper into the room as the adrenaline you felt began to wane. The script in his hands was discarded to the table's surface. He curled his finger with a smile. “Come here my little sweet potato. I have a gift for you.” His voice was silky as he walked over to another table and began to dig through his school bag. Your heart was pounding as you came closer, smiling to yourself as the burning reached the sensitive tips of your ears. He called you his sweet potato.

It was rare for him to use that nickname. Since you had gotten closer, he only referred to you by name or the appropriate title of Prefect. You stood before him. Your face was hot as you struggled to remain still. To fight the urge to fidget from excitement. “Hold out your hands.” He instructed sweetly with an arm hidden behind his back, towering over you with a soft expression.

He really was gorgeous. You swallowed down even more anxiety, inhaling the faint floral scent of his cologne as you held out your hands obediently. “For you, happy Valentine’s Day.” He cooed sweetly as he handed you an expensive bar of chocolate. Lined in gold foil and telling you it was number one in the world. Almost like it was made to be photographed; not eaten. “I had it imported from home. No other chocolate can compare, so I know it’s something you will enjoy.” He chuckled softly as you looked at it with wide eyes. Traditionally, girls were to present boys with sweets on Valentine’s Day. The favor was to be returned on March 14th, White Day. Maybe things were different in Twisted Wonderland considering Rook had given you that chocolate heart earlier. Either way, you appreciated it a lot.

“I planned to give it to you first thing this morning. But I couldn’t find the time to give it to you. I know it’s inconvenient since my club starts in,” He paused and reached for his phone. Only to click his tongue in annoyance. “Ten minutes.” The Housewarden appeared dissatisfied as you marveled silently at the expensive treat. “I actually have something for you too!” You looked up at Vil, your heart drumming in your ears as a wave of surprise flashed in his face. 

You felt that bubbling insecurity rise as you rested your school bag on the table, digging through it to retrieve the now slightly smashed and so-very unsightly macaroons. You pulled them sadly from your bag and your shoulders sagged in disappointment. “They… They’re supposed to be macaroons…” You muttered sadly as you looked at the bag in your hands. It was far worse than this morning. The overwhelming urge to break down and cry began to snake its way to the front of your brain. You were so tired, even after having three espresso shots and power napping in the library instead of attending P.E you couldn’t take it anymore. 

Valentine’s Day truly felt like a disaster. 

You weren’t sure if the tears starting to well in your eyes were from exhaustion or if they were from the feeling of failure. “Did you make those for me?” Vil asked as you hesitated, before nodding with a small sniffle. “I tried… I shouldn’t have stuffed them in my bag.” Your fingers brushed his own as he accepted the treats with a smile. He reached out and gently thumbed away your tears with a soft hum. “I can tell you put in the effort.” Vil teased softly as you leaned into his touch. “I’m supposed to be dieting,” Vil began as he pulled away from you. Watching as you blinked yourself back into reality.

His elegant fingers pulled the ribbon free as he sat at the table and you took the chair across from him. “but I think since it’s a holiday I can have a few of these. After all, you worked so hard on them.” He smiled softly as he took one of the macaroons still intact. Instead of what was supposed to be a perfect circle, it looked somewhat like a misshapen heart. “Are these lemon flavored?” He asked curiously, biting delicately at the corner of the treat as you sheepishly nodded with a soft sniffle. “I had bought lemon extract from Sam’s shop. I thought it would be unique instead of the traditional chocolate. But… It didn’t come out right…” You explained as Vil ate slowly, chewing and smiling as he went for another. You couldn’t tell him that the lemon extract may be magical. 

“I wanted to make them perfect but I hadn't made macaroons until last night… I’m sorry.” You apologized as your body began to feel heavy with the exhaustion creeping through your body. The tears didn’t help either and the gentle pat of rain started to lull you into a comforting state. Vil shook his head in disagreement. His brows creased as he finished off the cookie. “They taste amazing actually. The appearance is appalling, yes, but the flavor is beyond expectations. And I have a very expensive taste.” He cooed as the flush in your face returned as you propped your head in your hands with a dreamy smile. He liked them! “Did you even try your own creation?” Vil hummed and you shook your head in response. 

You didn’t have time. “Here,” The Housewarden grabbed one of the pastel yellow macaroons, this one had taken a shape similar to a boot. “Ahhhh~” He sang as you nervously parted your lips, tasting the lemony cream and the softness of the flaky macaroon against your tongue. Vil was right, even though they looked hideous, they were actually really good. A perfect balance of bittersweetness, the shells were soft and easy to eat, the cream coated your tongue and was the perfect thickness. “Practice makes perfect of course. I’ll be expecting some more of these soon. I’ll pay for whatever ingredients as long as you work on your piping skills.” He laughed, soft like windchime bells as you chewed slowly and savored the taste. The two of you sat and talked, the conversation flowed perfectly. Even when he scolded you for sacrificing your sleep for the sake of a pastry as you started to nod off in front of him.

The cookies and the chocolate had been finished. As the other club members started to file in you sensed that it was time for you to go. But you couldn’t shake this feeling. It wasn’t the overwhelming desire to lay on the ground and sleep. It was a burning sensation deep inside your stomach. Filling you with a dull ache that made you cross your ankles and rub your knees together. You felt… Horny. 

You weren’t sure if it was that time for you to be ovulating already. Something absolutely felt off. Your cheeks were burning, and you looked across the table at Vil who was now resting his head in his hand. His cheeks were a soft rouge as he stared at the empty plastic bag with only remnants of the cookies the two of you had finished. Vil had eaten most of them. “My little sweet potato…” He sounded irritated as he pulled a smile across his face, looking at you with his eyes darkening. The lemon extract. 

Sam said it would help you get closer to the person you fed it to. It wasn’t poison right? “You said you bought that lemon extract from Sam’s?” He asked as he straightened up, folding his hands across the table as you tried looking away. You felt guilty now, writhing nervously in your chair. “Are you sure it was just lemon extract?” He asked through clenched teeth as you felt the cotton of your panties starting to cling the longer you sat. Images of Vil’s angry expression swarmed your frontal lobe and all you wanted was to be forced to apologize. 

There was absolutely something wrong. 

Sam never said how much to use, so you had used the entire bottle in your cookies. Clearly that was a bad idea with how your bodies seemed to be reacting. “I see the club is starting!” You jumped to your feet to escape the interrogation. Swaying slightly from tiredness as the rain sounded much heavier now. Grabbing your bag with haste, your palms sweaty as you rushed to the door. “Thank you for the chocolate.” You breathed out as the burning feeling grew and grew. There was the debate between holding back the carnal hunger until you made it to Ramshackle, or sneaking into a janitor's closet to quickly relieve yourself of the hungry feeling. Either way you wanted a nap afterwards.

“I’m not finished with you yet.” The breathless growl made the hair on the back of your neck stand straight to attention. Vil was right behind you with his hands clenched into tight fists. Your thighs quivered in excitement as sweat began to pool beneath your stuffy uniform. Some of the club members called out to the two of you, bringing you both back to the current reality. “I’m going to walk the Prefect to the bathroom. Just in case there are male students lingering in the halls.” Vil’s excuse was flimsy, but of course his club was filled with sparkling eyes as they nodded and commented on how kind Vil was. 

You weren’t sure either of you would make it to the bathroom. 

As you left together, you could feel Vil close behind. A hand lingering along your lower back as you stumbled your way to the nearest door. Funny enough, it was a janitor's closet. You glanced around. Taking note of the hallway's emptiness, grabbing the handle to the door. Vil urged you forward, a silent command as you swallowed and obeyed. You opened the door as Vil gave you another soft push. It was small and cramped. Dark and filled with the faint scent of lemony-scented cleaning supplies. The door shut behind you with a click. Now shrouding you in the black shadows as a pair of lips found your throat, and strong hands began to pull and yank at your uniform. “I want you to take responsibility for whatever mistake you made.” He snarled against your skin. Sucking and biting at the flesh as you were pushed deeper into the closet. Your skin was on fire, your hips rubbing back against his clothed crotch as he pressed you against the wall of the closet. You were like pliable clay. Submitting to the idea of being molded into whatever it was your queen wanted. 

The roughness was pleasant, the fantasy of wanting to be closer to someone you once saw as unreachable was pleasant. You continued to grind as Vil’s hips moved in tandem with yours. Soft moans and cries filled the tiny closet space. The sounds echoed through your skull as you pulled up the fabric of your skirt, silently begging for more. Vil was of course quick to pick up on things. “You did this on purpose?” He asked and you shook your head. Your eyes screwed shut as he panted softly in your ear. Cool hands slid along your hips as your panties were forced down the plush flesh of your thighs. “Liar.” He chuckled in amusement as a slender finger slipped inside of you. Your body jerked in surprise. Vil pumped and curled slowly as your walls constricted and relaxed around the digit. Your body was so excited to finally feel your more intimate needs satiated. “I know you did this on purpose. Poisoning me like this… All for a little attention?” His voice tickled the flesh of your ear as his finger pumped and curled vigorously inside of you. “It was an accident.” The words came out breathless. Hardly audible as Vil continued to kiss and suck at your neck. 

You felt happy with the lingering knowledge that it would bruise on your skin. The affectionate and hungry welts by someone you had wanted to be recognized by for so long. “You could have just asked me.” Your head jerked in surprise. Asking and or suggesting your affections directly was a herculean feat you could only dare to dream of. The curling finger pressed and prodded at a rough patch of nerves inside of you. It caused your body to jump in surprise as you shook your head. “Your fans would kill me-”

“So you DID do this on purpose?” He teased and you started to pout. His mouth was much kinder now as he pressed kisses against your hot skin. A second finger slipped inside of you. “No… I… I didn’t know it would…” You were starting to feel light headed through your confession. “Sam said it would get us closer… But I thought it was… It was one of those lame metaphors so I would buy it…” You grumbled as Vil chuckled softly. He was amused. His pumping slowed. Sensually rubbing your wet velvety insides. Coating his digits with your juices as he continued to kiss and suck lightly at your flesh. “Such innocent intentions. I choose to believe you, my little sweet potato.” The nickname appeared again. “But,” He paused as the pumping stopped, and you started to pout. Your head pressing against the wall as you gnawed at your bottom lip in frustration. Vil gently patted the flesh of your ass as the sound of shuffling clothes muted the silence between you.

“there are consequences for being so naïve. Especially since you’ve pulled me into your little mess.” You could feel something rubbing against the plush meat of your moistened entrance. Round tip, smeared with something sticky and wet. Twitching and throbbing with anticipation for more to come. “Now, now my little sweet potato. How badly did you want me to do this with you?” Very was the correct answer. Vil knew that. But he wanted to hear you say it. To push the pleas’ past your own lips for him to savor. He wanted to egosurf your sentences. To hear you admit how much you’ve wanted him and for how long. The once unattainable, has become attainable to you. And only you. You reached back, curling your hand through Vil’s champagne colored hair. Once in its neat braided bun, but now loose with the ends curled from accumulated sweat. You carefully craned your neck. Your lips are just now brushing against Vil’s as you feel his cock start to slowly slip inside of you. Your walls stretched open for him. Allowing him to penetrate deeper and deeper as the two of you panted quietly in the dark.

Your lips caught his in a chaste and starved kiss. “I really like you… I’m sorry I tricked you.” The apology was breathless as your stomach coiled in excitement. The filling feeling made your eyes start to roll back into your skull as Vil took the chance to rub his tongue against your bottom lip. “I’ll apologize with my body. So I can show you I mean it.” You couldn’t believe your words were your own. Maybe it was the magical lemon extract. Maybe it was Vil giving you what you always wanted. Maybe it was you finally feeling confident after all of today’s stumbles and mishaps. His hips started to slowly thrust as a cacophony of soft moans filled the tiny cleaning closet. 

“I forgive you. I always will.” Vil grunted as he pistoned his hips against yours. His hands rubbing along your flesh as he slipped them up your uniform shirt to fondle the flesh of your breasts. Not bothering to remove your bra as his hands forced themselves under the fabric to squeeze, knead, and tease. Your nipples were rubbed and pinched by his slender fingers. Pulling all sorts of whines out of you that you didn’t know you were capable of making. His lips caught yours. Eating your weak mewls and giving you the reminisced flavor of the lemon macaroons. Even if they were clumsy, they got you this far. His thrusts were steady as Vil pressed his body flush with yours. You could hear every sound. You could smell the salt of his skin and the fading fragrance of his floral cologne. The feeling of his clothes and skin rubbing against you, slowly growing overstimulating and too much to bear. You only wished that you could see his expressions. And that he could see yours. 

You wanted Vil to know that you felt just as amazing as he did. Accepting his thrusts and how they quickened from excitement. How you could feel that coil in your stomach preparing to snap. 

Your legs quivered as you braced your hands tightly against the wall. Your walls clenched and convulsed. Wet juices coating your inner thighs as Vil’s thrusts began to grow sloppy. Throbbing inside of you with each punch to the special bundle of nerves inside you. Stimulating you both to the awaited end of an orgasm. He panted in your ear. Moaning softly how he was so close. And so were you. “Can… I’m cumming…” He whispered weakly. His perfect appearance had become disheveled. His voice cracking and whimpering as he jerked his hips against you. Your body growing limp as the lewd smacks of skin filled the small, pitch black closet. The faint scent of lemony cleaning supplies had vanished now. Replaced with the intense smell of salty skin and lust. 

You were cumming. Your body seized as Vil flattened your body against the wall. You felt so tired. Your eyes shutting as Vil peppered your face in kisses, rubbing his hands along your sweat slicked body as the warmth of his seed filled your body as the two of you came together. Twitching and throbbing together with your head growing heavy against the wall. You panted softly with Vil in the small closet. Just barely processing his words. “Will you be okay heading back on your own?” Vil asked quietly and you slowly shook your head in refusal. It wasn’t necessarily that you didn’t trust yourself to make it back to Ramshackle. You just didn’t want to go alone. You wanted Vil to go with you. You wanted to be with him longer. 

Just for the rest of Valentine’s Day. 

[megumisbimbo]

hi hannah! congratulations on 100!!! 🥳🥳

i'm so excited for your event, i hope i'm following your guidelines properly!!

character: tobio kageyama

love language: (mine are quality time and physical touch, is it okay if i leave it up to you to choose?)

place: at home

time: 5:30 AM

thank you so much for all your works and writings! i wish you the best ♡

THIS IS CUTE!! I couldn’t decide between quality time and touch so...I did both hehe. Also, I know you’re an nctzen so I pictured the song as daydream by 127 but feel free to imagine it as any song you like @h-grangerstudies ! <33

The loud sound of an alarm wakes you and your sleeping husband up bright and early. You lie next to him snuggled closely, your arms wrapped around his waist. You lift your sleepy head off his chest and catch a glimpse of his perfect skin in the early morning light. He was getting up for his daily run, and then practice afterwards. As much as he wanted to stay and hold you close, he forced himself out of the bed and into the bathroom to change.

You sigh missing the warmth of his muscular body. He comes out of the bathroom, changed and ready to go for his run, when he notices your open eyes.

“Good morning sweetheart. Why are you up so early?”

“You left the bed and my loneliness woke me up.” You say, causing him to chuckle.

He squats next to the bed and plants a kiss on your lips, then your forehead.

“I promise I’ll be back soon, then we can have breakfast together before I leave for practice.”

Your eyes light up at his suggestion. You two barely get to spend time together, so having breakfast together was a rare treat. Kageyama’s busy schedule with the Adlers caused him to be MIA most of the time. You didn’t mind it too much, knowing that volleyball was extremely important to him, but it still felt lonely.

You sit in bed for a while, contemplating getting up, but you eventually wake yourself up and trudge into the kitchen to make breakfast. He would be home in about an hour so you needed to get started now. You decide to go all out since breakfast with him was a rarity. You choose to make a quick pork curry, since it was his favorite. You diligently work on it, making an egg white omelette for him as well.

You hear the familiar jingle of keys, as your tired husband walks through the door, panting and sweaty. His nose fills with the delicious scent of your cooking. His nose leads him into the the kitchen where you stand, singing along to your favorite song. You sway slightly to the music and Kageyama walks behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, his body weight comfortably resting on you. He sticks his face in the crook of your neck and watches you cook.

“Well hello there Tobio.” You say glancing over your shoulder.

“Hello pretty.” He says with a smile. He kisses your cheek as you both sway to the music. He holds onto you tightly, as if he’ll lose you if he lets go too soon. You lean back onto his chest feeling his toned body. He plants a few more kisses on your temple. He reluctantly releases you as you plate the food and walk to put them on the table. Once you put them down he snatches your hand and spins you around. He positions his hand on the small of your back, as the other one holds yours gracefully. You lean onto his shoulder while he slowly sways you to the soft beat of the music.

“You know, It’s so hard for me to leave for practice in the morning when you look so cute.”

“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“I know baby but I’ll be back soon, and then we can cuddle some more, how does that sound?” He asks leaning down to meet your eyes.

“Sounds wonderful Tobio.”

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

[zirkkun-uthcs]

Any headcanons on how the boy's first night together with their S/O went? Any sleeping habits? (Full on SFW fluff!) For US, UF, SF and HT please :) U da besht!

You have no idea how much I love this fluffy topic. I am a sucker for cuddles. Though, I don't write for Swapfell or Horrortale (and doing them both w the other two would go over my character limit) but I can absolutely write for Underswap and Underfell. I'll take the assumption that you're specifically asking for the skelebros, since they seem to be most popular lol

&&&

Underswap!Sans - Blue rarely sleeps, and when he does, it's not a comfortable sleep. It will probably take a lot of convincing to even get the thought of sharing a bed with him, much less actually sharing it. Blue's sleep habits are horrid: he sleeps very brief amounts of time and always needs something to listen to. He'll wake up after a max of 3 hours of sleep, either from a nightmare or just his body rejecting it and forcing him awake, and then he can't go back to sleep. So... he doesn't really want to bother anyone by rolling around and then eventually waking up violently just to wake them up too.

If you do manage to finally convince him, though, he's reasonably nervous. Blue's mostly nervous about doing something like kicking you in his sleep or waking you up when he inevitably jolts awake, so he doesn't really start out cuddling and doesn't really want them, either. It's more of just the awkward fanfic scenario of "Oh no! There's only one bed!" except you two are already dating and like. There is another bed somewhere you two just actively chose this singular one. As it turns out, Blue is an extremely aggressive cuddler, and will, instead of jolting awake, probably leech to you instead. But one thing he does notice is that he definitely did sleep for longer... It wasn't by much, but, enough. About 5 hours now. Hm. Maybe he should try this more often, if cuddling you improves his sleep.

Underswap!Papyrus - The man sleeps like a rock and cuddles like a relentlessly affectionate bear. It would be no surprise if you and Swapap don't even fall asleep on a bed half the time -- more often you'd probably fall asleep cuddling on a couch mid-movie binge or video game playing or something of the like. Swapap does not move around in his sleep and will sleep for a long time, so if you've fallen asleep in a hug, you sre stuck there until he wakes up. "Oh, but, maybe I can just, slip away when I wake up?" you might ask. Unfortunately, that is not possible, as he will just hug you tighter and complain subconsciously -- all while still asleep mind you -- the second you try to leave. You are stuck in that bear hug permanently unless you figure out some system to wake him up.

Notably, as well, it probably wouldn't be surprising if Swapap is willing to share a bed with you long before you start dating -- he's all for cuddles of any kind, platonic included. Fair warning though that if you try to do any work around him, especially if it's something you can do while cuddling like writing or drawing, you will most certainly end up cuddling.

Underfell!Sans - He's definitely cuddly by nature. But he does not want to admit that for any reason. Not only that but his cuddly is clingy. Similarly to Swapap, he'll still be hugging you tightly when you wake up, but his grip is a lot easier to break through. And he'll definitely whine in his sleep if you do get up, if not wake up himself. It's about the same as when you're sitting doing work and a cat falls asleep in your lap -- if you get up, you're gonna feel guilty. But at the same time, he isn't really the type to just fall asleep with someone nearby at random. If he does do that, say, midday, and just decides to take a nap, he either is just so tired he couldn't stay awake or he really trusts you. Wake him up, though, and it's the same kind of guilt -- from both sides. He'll feel guilty for falling asleep on you (sometimes literally) and you'll be in that "Oh no I woke up the sleeping cat in my lap" guilt.

However, Fell is not the type to really offer such intimacy, especially not early on in a relationship. Anything that really is a stepping stone to being closer to someone horrifies him with the idea that exposing emotional weakness to someone will turn them away from him. You would have to put forth a lot of effort to even get him to be willing to share a bed. It's not that he doesn't want to -- he loves the idea of it, he's just scared. Frequent nightmares are definitely also another factor. He struggles with staying asleep after he's fallen asleep and usually wakes up multiple times during the night, which is definitely why he's exceptionally clingy. Fell really just doesn't like being a bother to people who care about him, lest they decide they'd rather not deal with him.

Underfell!Papyrus - Edge is not the cuddly type. He is not the sleepy type either. Both of these definitely fight against any potential of sharing a bed. But what he is is the overprotective and romantic type. If your relationship happened while the two of you were still Underground, however, sharing the same bed is out of the question. Being too intimate could lead to potential doom by allowing either one of you to become targets. But while on the Surface, where things are a bit more safe, Edge will be more than willing to do as many cheesy or cliché relationship things as possible. However, bare in mind, he's still not a cuddler regardless. Sharing a bed with him will be about the same if you and a close friend decided to get a hotel room with one bed to save money. So if you're a cuddler, you're kinda screwed. If you are alright without it, but you're known to cling to people in your sleep, so long as you tell that to Edge beforehand he'll be fine. If you don't, he's going to be pissed. He doesn't appreciate being taken advantage of -- even if that wasn't your intent, he'll still think of it that way until you properly explain it to him.

Edge, too, doesn't sleep a lot, however. About 3 to 4 hours at max every night. It doesn't bother him, he doesn't feel more tired than anyone who sleeps more than him, but it is just a thing you'd have to get used to, especially if you're a light sleeper who wakes up to anything. Though, provided he doesn't have to be anywhere in the morning, he'll definitely stay and do work in the room you guys share rather than move it anywhere else. He's still pretty protective of you, after all, so he doesn't want to leave you so open by yourself... even if you guys live on like, the tenth floor of an apartment building and it's 4 am so literally no one is awake.

[mosh-4]

when you were sleeping

harry styles imagine

when you were sleeping - your family has a crisis when he’s away.

warning: angst. suicide

.

.

.

you and Harry were currently braving a long distance relationship. it was difficult, but you both managed. you loved him, but you were also a very independent person. you didn’t need to be constantly surrounded by him to know that he loved you. you were on your last year of college, and he was in Tokyo writing music. you both had goals and were striving for them together.

from where you lived, Tokyo was 14 hours ahead. that meant you could only talk to Harry from 6 pm to 2 am your time, which would be 8 am to 4 pm his time. you only could talk to him within those 8 hours since you both had to sleep at some point and he also had to write music. it got to be frustrating, but you made it work.

you received your daily call from Harry when you were laying in bed. it was midnight where you were, 2 pm where he was. you decided to come home to visit your family since your university was having a 4 day weekend. you had thursday and friday off going into the weekend. it was nice. you got to see your dogs and eat home cooked meals.

             “i think ‘m gonna have a late night tonight,” Harry muttered through the phone.

             “oh yeah,” you said brushing a hand through your almost dry hair.

             “yeah,” he said. “some of the guys want to go out tonight.”

             you laugh. “sounds fun.” you roll onto your stomach. “when can i expect you to be awake?”

he laughed. Harry was big on getting up early. most days he got up at 8 am, sometimes 9 am if he was pushing it, but on mornings after nights he stayed out late, he tended to get up from 10 am to 11 am, if it was really late, he even slept until noon.

             “i don’t want to stay out past 3 so hopefully no later than 10.”

             you laugh. “okay, you goof. text me when you go to sleep so i know you’re still alive.”

             “will do. how did your test go?” he asked changing the subject.

             “it was good…” you continued to tell him about how well you did, and you began to talk about the production you were currently working on at school.

--

on thursday at 1:43 pm, you received a text.

             harry: night night lovie

you laughed to yourself in the kitchen as you made yourself a cup of tea. your boyfriend was a goof. it was 3:43 am his time. you knew he wouldn’t be awake until at least noon his time. it wasn’t so horrible for him to sleep in. he got a lot of writing done this week. you remember him telling you about one of the songs he was working on and how it was almost complete.

you finished making yourself a cup of tea and took a seat on the couch with your two dogs putting on a movie you found on tv.

--

it was 5:36 pm. you had just gotten home from visiting with some of your friends from high school who were home on an early fall break. you were soaking wet from the rain. you were still home alone. your parents were at your brother’s teacher night at school, and your brother was at his football practice. you let the dogs out and gave them their dinner.

you decided to call your cousin, Lauren, to check in on her. she was the same age as your brother, and you three were extremely close along with your other cousin Collin, who was three years older than you.

when she answered the phone, your whole world came crashing down.

             “hey,” you chirped into the phone before you could hear her cry.

             in a shaky voice, she said, “(y/n).” she let out a few quick sobs before she finally spoke again. “Collin killed himself.” 

             you stood frozen in the doorway of your kitchen. “what?”

             “Collin killed himself, i found him in his closet, and i screamed for my mom, and then i fell down the stairs and i scared the dogs, and Collin’s dead.”

             your voice was caught in your throat. you knew Collin was suffering from depression, and it hadn’t been good for a while. you didn’t know it was this bad. you finally spoke. “oh baby,” you said gently. she cried harder. “do you want me to come there? do you need me to come to you?”

             “no,” she said. “my mom has to call 911. i have to call my brothers. i have to go, (y/n), i have to go.”

with that, she hung up the phone quickly. you stood in your kitchen. numb. you felt incredibly numb. you had to do something. he couldn’t be dead. he wasn’t. this wasn’t real. everything’s fine. you’re crying now. when did you start crying? you had to call your mom. you had to tell them. oh god. your brother. he and Collin were best friends. they were so close despite their difference in age. how were you going to tell him.

you rung your mom’s phone. no answer. you rung your dad’s phone. no answer. they were probably meeting with a teacher. you would have to wait.

you heard the garage door open. the dogs went crazy as your brother came into the kitchen with his football bag and backpack in arms.

             “hey,” he called to you while petting the dogs.

             you cleared your throat. “Tom,” you took a breath to keep yourself from crying. he looked up at you as he put his bags on the floor by the kitchen table. “Tom, Collin killed himself.”

             “what?” your brother peered up at you confused.

             “Collin killed himself.” you said with tears in your eyes.

he sat himself in a chair at the kitchen table with his head hanging. you wrapped your arms around him and cried with him.

             “can i use your phone to call mom and dad?”

             he nodded and placed his phone on the table.

--

it was 6:27 pm. you were driving to your cousin’s house after you called her to tell her your parents were on their way there. she told you to come too.

when you arrived at their house, a police car was placed outside in front. you saw your oldest cousin’s husband standing outside handing his baby to his parents to take for the night. he caught you and Tom before you could go into the house. he pulled you both into a hug.

             “just warning you, it’s not easy in there. you can’t see him. he’s still upstairs. they have the room taped off.”

he led you both inside to where everyone was gathered. the house was dark. your family was sitting in a dark room crying. you pulled your aunt into a hug as you both cried in each other’s arms. she let go of you and pointed a shaky finger to Lauren, who was curled up on a couch crying.

             “she needs you. go to your buddy.”

you and Tom collapsed onto the couch with her and sandwiched her into a hug. all three of you sobbed into each other’s arms.

later that night, you cried with your family and listened to your aunt and cousins talk about how bad his depression was. you stood with your cousins when they brought him downstairs on a stretcher. you watched as your aunt and dad said their goodbyes to him. after his dad left, your dad was the closest thing he had to a father, and Collin was the only one who could make your dad laugh like a little kid. your mom held you as your cried. you watched as they placed him into the ambulance and took him away.

--

10:14 pm. 1 missed call from Harry Styles.

1 message:

             harry: hi lovie, i survived the night

you left him on read.

--

the next morning, your eyes were swollen and raw. you woke up a little after 9:30. you saw another message from Harry at 11:26 pm.

             harry: goodnight love. i’ll call you again tomorrow.

you left him on read again. you don’t mean to be a bitch. you’re still processing.

--

Harry noticed you left him on read again. you normally would respond fairly quickly, and you never went to bed before midnight. he found your lack of response odd. it was 11:45 pm his time. he decided to catch at least a few hours of sleep and to call you at 6 am, which would be 4 pm your time.

he woke up at 6:12 am. he rubbed his sleepy eyes before grabbing a drink. he cleared his throat, and he picked up his phone.

--

it was 4:23 pm. you were sitting on the floor of your grandparents living room. your cousins were surrounding you as the adults sat in the kitchen. you were playing with your oldest cousin’s 1 and a half year old daughter. she was the only thing that kept your spirits up.

your phone began to ring. Harry’s contact picture appeared on your screen. you watched your phone as it rang. your eyes began to cloud with tears.

             “answer it,” Lauren said as she caught her niece in her arms, who was running back and forth between her and her sister tackling everyone in hugs. she was so young yet she understood that we were sad and needed comfort.

you nodded to her. clearing your throat and sliding to answer the phone, you walk outside to sit on the front porch.

             “hey lovie.”

             “hi haz,” you let out in a raspy voice. it had been a while since you had actually spoken.

Harry could tell you had been crying. your raspy voice was a telling sign.

             “hey, what’s wrong? are you okay?” Harry’s eyebrows were furrowed together as he heard her shaky breath through the phone.

             “Harry, my cousin killed himself last night.” you blink back tears as you drop your head into your hand.

             “oh love,” he said gently. “i can’t imagine how you feel right now.” he didn’t know what to say. who was it? which one?, he thought to himself.

             “it’s okay, haz. i’m sorry i ignored you. i just didn’t know what to say-”

             “no, no. it’s okay. i understand. you don’t need to apologize.” he took a breath to calm his voice. what he would give to be there right now for her. to hold her as she cried. he felt horrible that he wasn’t there. “do you want me to come home?”

             “no. that’s okay.” you said. he felt like she had punched him in the gut. she doesn’t want me there, he thought. “i know you’re busy and working right now. you don’t need to come home for this. i’ll be okay.”

you lied. you wanted him there. you wanted him to hold you and to rub your back as you cried. but, you know his work is important. so you lied. you told him you were gonna be fine. you were most definitely not fine. you had a hole in your heart. someone so loved and brilliantly smart and witty who could make the whole room smile was gone, and you were not okay with that.

             “you’re important too,” harry started. he wasn’t going to let her push him away. “i know you like to be an independent person, and you don’t like to depend on people, but you can depend on me. i want to be there for you. it hurts me that i can’t be there for your right now. i love you so much, and i wish i could take the pain away for you. can i be there for you? can i come home to you?”

             you burst into tears. you had tried so hard to hold them in. “yeah. okay,” you let out in a shaky voice. you couldn’t see anymore. your eyes were blurred by the tears. “come home to me.”

             “okay. i’m coming home to you. ‘m gonna book a flight, and ‘ll text you when i find out when i land.”

             “mkay,” you said your voice thick from the tears.

--

Harry landed at 8 am on saturday morning. you picked him up at the airport, and silently waited at the baggage claim for his luggage holding his hand. you had been quiet since he arrived. you were scared that you would burst into tears if you said anything.

you broke down when you got to your car. he held you in the parking lot of the airport as you sobbed into his chest. he took your keys and drove you home.

--

later saturday afternoon, you, your family, and Harry were at your aunt’s house. you were sitting with your mom, aunt, Lauren, and her older sister. you were putting together a photo board and were looking through pictures of Collin. you reminisced with Lauren about funny moments with him on your numerous family vacations.

your dad and brother were running around town to each department store to find green ties for each of the men in your family. Collin’s favorite basketball team was the Boston Celtics. his signature look was khaki shorts with a Celtics jersey or some sort of Celtics apparel. he wore mostly green. the men were wearing green ties as a tribute to him.

Harry was in the kitchen unboxing pizzas he ordered for everyone. he couldn’t really do much so he made himself useful by getting everyone food. you were extremely grateful for him.

--

the funeral was monday. you had to get up early to drive to the service. you were sitting at the vanity table in your room doing your makeup while Harry stood in front of your mirror putting on his cuff-links. he was wearing a simple black suit. his tie was hanging untied around his neck. you put the finishing touch on your hair and makeup and moved onto putting on your earrings.

your dad knocked on your bedroom door just as Harry was about to tie his tie. you both looked up at your dad.

             “i-uh,” he started to say looking from you to Harry. “i have an extra green tie.” he looked down to the tie in his hands before reaching it out to Harry. “would you wear this today?”

Harry gently took the tie from your dad’s hands. your eyes welled with tears. Harry looked up from the tie and into your dad’s eyes, which were red from crying.

             “i would be honored.” Harry spoke removing his tie to replace it with the green one. he tied it swiftly in the mirror before turning back to your father.

your dad nodded in approval, not saying much. it warmed your heart just as it broke it. that had meant a lot to your dad. he had allowed Harry to take part in this extremely difficult day, not as just a boyfriend of his daughter, but as a member of your family.

             his voice broke you out of your thoughts. “we are leaving in 10.”

--

the funeral was a blur. Tom and your cousins were the pallbearers. Harry stood by your side the whole time. his arm around you or his hand holding yours. it was a difficult day. your makeup was trashed. your eyes were red and raw. Harry got you some food at the luncheon afterwards. he made you eat a few bites every now and then.

when you got home, you just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep. he helped you take your dress and jewelry off. you put on your comfy clothes while he grabbed you a makeup remover wipe, and he helped you take your makeup off. he let you climb in bed with the shade over your window drawn down darkening your room. he got out of his suit and changed into his comfy clothes before crawling into bed next to you.

you cried in his arms, and you were so grateful for him being there.

hope you enjoyed. i know this was a bit darker. it was inspired by my cousin who passed in october. - mosh

[outthefryingpan]

Your writing is amazing ! I'm a sucker for fluff personally,, so if I have to suggest something,, it'd be cuddles. Just cuddling after a long,, busy day. Maybe in Winter,, a specially cold day,, those are the best days for cuddling,, and more so if it's with such a hot (pfft) monster like Grillby ! Just giving ideas,, I'll be happily reading anything you update here next. Have a nice day. :)

Cold Nights

Pairing: Grillby/Reader

Rating: Everyone

Notes: I’m a sucker for that too! I very much enjoy this suggestion, thank you! Send more any time u like :^> This is set on the surface! Most of the pieces I write will be set this way unless stated otherwise.

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You can’t believe how late it is when you finally begin walking home. Pulling your phone out and pressing the home button tells you it’s only a few minutes away from midnight. Your feet ache, and you want nothing more than to just crawl into bed.

Luckily for you, it isn’t a long walk to Grillby’s from where you are, maybe a little over 5 minutes, but you really hadn’t anticipated it being this cold and blustery out. Then again, you didn’t anticipate your boss holding you back as late as she did either, so you use that as your excuse for being jacket-less. In reality, it probably wouldn’t have been much warmer out even if you did leave on time, but you’re just going to ignore that. You unceremoniously shove your phone back into your pocket and quicken your pace, holding your hands together in an attempt to conserve some of your already waning warmth. 

In hopes of distraction, you let your mind begin to wander. Initially your prerogative is “think warm thoughts”, but of course that only leads you to thinking of Grillby. It’s inevitable. He’s the warmest thing you can think of.

You think back to when he first opened up his bar on the surface, and how he would stay open all night, every night. The new influx of customers quickly overwhelmed him, and so he changed his hours to accommodate a new goal of his, one he’d adopted upon reaching the surface. He called it the, “not work myself to death” rule. You, nothing more than a new friend at the time, had laughed at that. It was one of the first jokes he’d made around you. You laugh again now, thinking about how horrible a job he’s done in sticking to his goal. Maybe it’s just unrealistic for him, you muse.

No, that isn’t fair. He drastically changed his hours when he first got here. Underground, he’d been open every day from noon to 3AM. How he’d managed a 15 hour work day every single day all by himself was absolutely beyond you, but he told you that down there, he really didn’t have much else to do. 

In a more private setting, after the two of you had grown closer, he confessed that when he lived underground, he felt a sense of obligation to be open as often as possible, to act as a sort of home base for those monsters who were struggling, or just needed someone to help stave off their loneliness. 

Here on the surface, things are better! But they’re a lot different too, a lot busier. And so, with some kind pushing from his friends, he had ultimately decided not only to tighten his hours, but to hire some help as well.

You consider that to be the start of a deeper relationship blossoming between the two of you. You had offered to wash dishes and help with cleanup, and he gratefully accepted. You started talking more, spending more time together, and... The rest is history, you suppose. 

Now, he takes Sundays off, and closes at 10PM on Mondays. His daily hours are still pretty packed, but he has more servers and kitchen staff to help out with them. 

Suddenly, you blink in surprise at yourself as that reminds you of something.

Today’s Monday! That means he should have closed a while ago! 

You sent him a text earlier when you found out you would be late home and told him not to worry, but you totally forgot that it was possible for you to end up working later than him. That is a rare occurrence. 

Well then! 

You become excited at your findings, but quickly realize they mean that he may be sleeping. Rats... You need to be quiet coming in, then.

A chatter sounds in your skull just as the bar comes into view. It isn’t quite snowing out, but the biting, billowing wind is strong enough to drain most of the heat from you. Your fingers feel numb as they blindly wiggle around in your pocket, looking for your keys even though you’re still a little ways away from the front door. By the time you reach it, you’re putting in a pretty significant amount of effort to minimize your shivering and get it unlocked. It’s situations like these that make you thankful to only have a few separate keys to keep track of on your key ring.

The door itself is pretty new, but still creaks lightly as you push it open. Then, you almost lose your grip on the knob when a particularly strong gust of wind shoves you in through the front door. You stumble forward. 

Startled as you are, it doesn’t take you long to recover, close the door firmly behind you, and lock it with a huff. You’re just glad no one is around to have seen your little blunder. Hand still on the door, you sigh out your relief. Grillby would definitely be alerted by the door swinging open and slamming into the wall. He’d be alerted if you face-planted into the hardwood flooring, too. 

After taking a moment to smooth yourself out and appreciate the internal temperature of the bar, you glance around the dark room. As you expected, tables and chairs are neat, lights are off, and not a speck of dust can be seen. Sometimes you wonder if Grillby gets off on extreme cleaning. You snicker quietly to yourself.

The rise in temperature is great compared to the freezing nightmare you’d endured outside, but it isn’t anywhere near enough to stop your shivering. So you beeline for the staircase that leads to Grillby’s apartment- or more accurately, your ticket to comfort. It’s a little hard to see, and you nearly trip once on the way up, but the reward you’re met with upon entering is well worth it.

Instantly, you’re flushed with a wave of warmth.

Grillby sits on the couch in the living room that faces the door, knuckle pressed to the side of his mouth and book in hand. Your entrance alerts him, and his head turns up so his eyes can meet yours. They look tired. Yours do too.

He can see you shivering still, and it makes him frown. However, the beginning of a small smile finds its way onto his face when he lifts a hand and waves you over. Both of you know what comes next. You step toward him eagerly. 

Without a word spoken between the two of you, he places the thick, old looking novel down on the table in front of him, and opens himself up to you. Rather than sitting next to him like he had expected, you opt for plopping down directly in his lap, arms around his shoulders and legs on either side of him. He lets out a surprised grunt, but it quickly dissolves into a chuckle as his arms find their way around your midsection. You relish in the warmth they offer.

“You’re cold.” He starts.

“You’re warm.” You reply, though it’s muffled by the fabric of his thin shirt. He hears you despite this, and a fiery brow quirks up. 

“Aren’t I always?” Grillby asks. You can hear the teasing smile in his voice, but nod against him regardless. Thanks to him, you can feel your shivers mostly subside.

“Yea, but I especially appreciate it when it’s freezing out.” Comes your voice once more. Sighing, you feel his arm begin to rub slowly up and down your back, a soothing, sweeping motion that transfers his heat to you even faster. Suddenly comfortable, you’re reminded of how totally exhausted you are.

“I always tell you to bring a coat.” He tries for a chastising tone, but can’t help that it comes out as soft as it does. His voice is just a mumble now, reaching your ears easily despite its low volume. This is in part because he’s taken the liberty of placing his cheek against your head.

“Heh..Yeah...” You concede, burrowing your face further into him. It’s a long moment before you speak again. “I didn’t think you’d be up. Aren’t you tired?” At this question you look up at him as much as your current position will allow, cheek still smooshed into his shoulder.

His response is low, and doesn’t come immediately, which kind of gives you an answer in itself: Yes.

“Mm... I am..” He confirms your suspicion. A little more quietly, he continues. “But you were still out, and...” The elemental’s head lazily tilts, and the flames constantly spiraling off of it follow the movement. You catch him glance out the window. As if wanting to help illustrate his point, another forceful gust of wind rattles it just slightly.

A little guilt twists your stomach. He always worries, and you should have known he would be waiting. You should’ve fought harder to leave on time. You expect he’s going to finish the thought, but you already know where he’s headed, so you preempt him.

“You didn’t need to wait up for me...” You say softly. 

The response you get is hushed, but still quite matter-of-fact.

“I did. I wanted to. ...I like going to bed with you.” His tone is so simple, so casual, so... sweet. He’s just speaking honestly, yet it affects you so much. The guilt you feel morphs into adoration, and the feeling makes you grin. You’re sure he can feel it against him, but duck your head back down anyway.

“OK.” Your voice is muffled once more. But the smile in it is audible. A short, breathy hum escapes him, the sound like a sleepy little laugh.

The two of you stay like that for a few minutes, wrapped up in each other. The calm rise and fall of his chest slows further, and the surrounding blanket of his warmth cradles you softly. 

You don’t want to, but you eventually have to turn your face to the side. As comfy as he is, it’s a little hard to breathe that way. This movement seems to take him a bit off guard, and rouses him from a drowsiness he’d almost let get the better of him. You feel and hear the deep breath he sucks in as he shifts, bringing himself back off the brink of sleep. He props himself back up against the couch, holding you still as he does. You let out a large yawn, and gently pat his back.

“OK...Time for bed?” You ask quietly. In his sleep-addled state, he can only nod. Without another word, arms around your middle become hands on your waist, and he lifts you off of him and gently places you on the cushion next to him. Slowly he stands, stretching. His flames crackle and pop with the action, and once he’s satisfied he lets out the breath he’d been holding and turns to you with a bright orange hand extended.

For a moment, you consider asking him to carry you. You’re exhausted! But another look at his slightly lopsided posture and barely open eyes reminds you he’s right there with you. So you make do with just grabbing his hand and using it to help pull yourself up. Once you’re on your feet, you two begin a slow stroll to your shared bedroom, and step inside. 

The blinds are drawn, so the only light permeating the darkness you stumble around in to change is Grillby himself. You end up in just your underwear and a big T shirt. Following your lead, he removes his own top and bottoms, leaving himself only in his briefs. 

It’s only about 45 seconds after you enter the room that both of you are crashing into bed. You simply let yourself fall face first. He as usual is a little more graceful about things, gently lifting the covers for himself, and helping you work your way under them too. Your tired body sings in relief as you sink into the mattress, your back to the flaming monster beside you.

Unsatisfied with this, you fight the sleep off for a little longer to wiggle a bit. A questioning hum leaves him, and by the sound of it, he’s working pretty hard to stay awake too. You turn under the covers, trying not to muss them too much and he seems to get the idea. Warm hands land on your sides again as he helps you turn toward him, eager to pull you closer. 

It’s a little brighter when you face him, but that’s never bothered you. Especially not when you’re this worn out. He sighs happily at this change, and his arms circle tightly around you, a hand finding the back of your head and threading itself through your hair. 

His digits comb against your scalp ever so gently, drawing a pleased hum from your closed lips. Not many people know (because how could they? He certainly isn’t going around talking about it), but Grillby is quite a physical being. He had some old hang ups that made it hard for him to embrace that about himself at first, and is polite and accommodating to a fault sometimes, but once you’d made him comfortable enough he gave in to his desire to hold you more often, and hold you closely. 

Once again, you thank the fucking stars for that. Especially on nights like these. Gone is any trace of the icy chill that consumed you earlier. 

Without missing a beat, you place your own hands on his broad back, now giving him the same treatment you had received earlier. He’s larger than you, as most monsters tend to be, but it doesn’t hinder your efforts to gently rub your arm up and down along his spine, fingers only deftly making contact. The hand not doing this splays out across his shoulder blade, then creeps up to rest on the point where his shoulder meets his neck. It wouldn’t be long now for either of you. Your eyelids close, but he looks down at your calm form for a little longer. 

A murmured utterance of your name grips the last inklings of your attention. Your eyes slowly drag themselves open again, and a drowsy, “Hmn..?” escapes you. His voice is almost a whisper when he speaks, leaning down so his mouth is closer to your head.

“I love you...” Grillby breathes out. You smile, and lightly kiss whatever of his skin is closest to your lips. That turns out to be a spot on his chest, right under his collar. There’s a small smooching sound as you pull back.

“...Love you too.” You exhale against him. With the last of his effort, he throws a leg over yours, crooking it to bring you closer still, and fully embrace you.

Those are the last words spoken that night. All that follows is the dull crackling of flames and the soft sound of breathing as you both allow your bodies the rest they’ve been aching for.

[peppusae]

How to say 'I love you' without saying 'I love you' | Chae Hyungwon pt 1

part: 1 of 3

other parts:  pt 1 || pt 2 || pt 3

pairing: chae hyungwon x reader

genre: fluff, little slow-burn and angst, smut

word count: 5.6k words

note: i had a dream about this plot so i must write this because after this dream hyungwon became my bias wrecker and i cry about him every day since pls send help gbye

ugh i love him so much :(((

>

How to say 'I love you' without saying 'I love you'

What’s every kpop fan’s goal in life?

To meet their idols, attend a concert, and attend a fan sign, right?

Some others... They aim higher than that.

And you’re one of those people.

In fact, you love k-pop so much that you found your career took a whooping turn and you ended up majoring in language, for the very simple fact that you could apply to join an entertainment company and be a staff/writer, the latter which makes you feel the proudest of yourself.

But life….

Life can be super mean sometimes. And you learn this the hard way, when you get rejected by SM entertainment - your first and actually the only choice because you are a major Shinee fan and life is just NOT fair at all!

One way or the another, after multiple applying, you finally get a good job in another company - Starship Entertainment.

Now, Starship was definitely not one amongst your top 5 agencies. But you always try not to let that affect your work - and over time, you come to love your job.

Especially when you get assigned as Monsta X’s writer and interpreter.

You find the members of the group very very appealing, all of them having their own charms.

Hyunwoo, who goes by the name Shownu and has an appetite that makes everyone giggle; He is such a soft-hearted soul and you really look up to him because he is always kind enough to give you a hand if he finds you doing something like lugging some boxes around, and would give the prettiest eye smiles when he gets a compliment.

Hoseok, who goes by the name Wonho and is probably the person you would sacrifice everything for; because of the heartwarming smile he has to offer, the way he continuously asks you to go through the comments he received on his vlives, and would politely request you to review what fans are saying about him on his posts.

Kihyun, who is very much Korean down to the bone with his extremely polite mannerisms and the way he always makes sure the staff - you included - are always eating as well; even if it’s a show about them. And also, the way he had once asked if he was your bias, and looked shocked to hear he wasn’t - and then continued to do things to get your attention and ask “Am I your bias now?” in the middle, like an idiot.

Jooheon, who also occasionally comes to you and asks for mini English lessons, and then gets bored after learning two or three new words - and then instead likes to chat about random things like the cats he owns, and your line of cacti which he, for some reason, is obsessed with, and your chats with Jooheon usually end with a compliment battle, and he always made you feel proud because he always says that chatting about normal things like that always inspires him a lot too.

Changkyun, who you consider as your bias wrecker because he keeps his own cool, stays in his own bubble and get things done, and doesn’t brag; instead, he’s very gentle, always the first person to notice if you’re sitting out in the lounge by yourself racking your brains for new content, and uses you as a guinea pig for testing out his lame new puns or pickup lines.

And then… Hyungwon, who doesn’t talk a lot when he’s with the rest of the group, but you found to be startlingly talkative when he’s doing a solo vlive or with only a few members like either Shownu or Wonho. In fact, you remember being wide-eyed when he continuously chatted with his fans on a vlive for a whooping 2 hours, and you can’t forget the precious and warm smile he had on his face when you said you liked seeing him so lively and talkative.

“I have a lot of things up my sleeve which you probably don’t know that much about, [Name]-ah.” He had said that time, and sometimes, you can see the way his eyes would filter through the staff during shows and land on yours, and smile at you.

And finally, Minhyuk, who was your absolute favourite out of the entire group, your bias because he gets along so well with everyone, always making everyone - including the staff - laugh, and would not hesitate to call anyone out if they’re doing something they shouldn’t. It makes you giggle, the way he would approach you in the middle of a variety show shooting they’re doing and ask if you were the writer of the show and how you had the audacity to make them walk around like lunatics. He acts like a crackhead like that, but you’ve grown to be so attached to him when you realized that, beyond his bright personality, he also is an insanely sweet person; You found this out when you had mentioned applying to SM entertainment because Shinee was your favorite group ever, and Minhyuk -even if he asked how dare you talk about other men in his presence - met up with Shinee while hosting a show and got the members to sign, and even got Kibum, your Shinee bias, to sign you a message inside their recent album.

Undoubtedly, Minhyuk was your favorite, for a good reason.

But still, to be put frankly, Hyungwon was the member that has your heart, for the simple reason that he was so unpredictable and has his own sense of humour and personality.

Since you got assigned to work with Monsta X, your life has been a messy tangle of fun, a normal day being you having a chat with Hyungwon and then getting interrupted by Minhyuk who would have zero filters and ask “Are you two dating?”, which causes the two of you to flush red for no reason, while Kihyun would overhear this and say “Huh?! You’re picking him to date but you don’t think of me as bias material?”.

The cycle would be endless, with Wonho laughing while watching the entire scene unfold, while Jooheon would join in with Minhyuk while Shownu would butt in and say “Minhyuk-ah, we have to go back to practise now tho,” and Changkyun sticking his head out from his dorm room and saying he still has 5 more minutes to finish the session of his favorite game.

You’ve grown to love this cycle and it doesn’t feel like a job, doing something you love with good people to work with, and life has been even easier after you got a dorm room within the building.

So, even if you had a roommate - and she’s nice, just not too close - things at Starship has been working out well for you.

Your daily chaos started simmering down a little once the pandemic hit, and all of the staff got confined to their rooms for work.

Because some of the shows you’re writing the scripts for are getting approved easily, you feel lucky to be one of the few staff who is now allowed to go alongside the members when they’re out for shows.

The times when you’re working from your dorm room, you feel so tired - perhaps missing the chaos you were so used to for the past couple years.

One day, you get a kakao chat from Hyungwon, asking if he can come over to discuss something with you.

It’s early in the morning - 8:15 am, and you’re half awake but you let him in, trying your hardest not to yawn too much in front of the member you considered the most attractive from the bunch.

Your roommate, Dawon, was kind enough to clean up the room a little bit when you said Hyungwon was coming over - and you said it on purpose because you knew she called Hyungwon her type and admits to having a teensy crush on him even though she knows it won’t work out anyways.

Hyungwon is wearing a caramel sweater and grey baggy sweatpants, and it always warms your heart to see the boys dressed in comfy clothes because they have to spend so much time wearing clothes that probably look good but not feel as comfy.

“Hyungwonnie, come on in!” You greet him, and he reacts with a chuckle and he always does that ever since you started calling him by that nickname after the day he said you should use casual language with him.

Hyungwon gives a little nod to your roommate in acknowledgement, and waits until you draw the curtain separating the room, before he speaks.

“I have a magazine shooting next month, and these are the set of questions they’re gonna ask me.” He says, putting the big envelope he had in his clutches on the top of your desk after he takes his seat. “I need help coming up with answers.”

Hyungwon was usually one of the few members who always comes to use the opportunity; the artists are free to ask the writers for help with answers they’ll give for their interviews, and Hyungwon always makes full use of the opportunity, and Shownu and Wonho occasionally drop by too, as well.

You’re always happy to be asked for help, but today, you find yourself sweat-dropping at the thought. You were so sleepy, the only reason you’re not dozing off is because you had forced yourself not to sit down.

“Why?”

“What?”

“You’re usually always excited when I ask for something like this, so why today?”

Ouch. Sometimes, much like you can read the boy’s faces and know what’s going on, they can sometimes do the same for you, too.

“Well, you see....”

“Have you been getting enough sleep?”

Double ouch. You knew the boys - at least, most of them - were good observers, but you didn’t expect Hyungwon to catch on so easily.

“I actually do get enough sleep, but these days, I feel extra sleepy for an hour or so after I wake up.”

This makes Hyungwon chuckle, putting the papers back inside the envelope and turning back to you.

“Welcome to the life of every human being. You sound like you’ve been babied too much.” He has to say, and you watch the way he gets up from his seat and places the envelope inside one of your drawers.

“Let’s get some breakfast.”

“W-What?!”

This makes the male raise an eyebrow, glancing around the room as if he was unsure if it really was you who said that.

“You’re acting as if we have never gone out for a meal together.”

“Well…” You say, because you’ve actually gone with him a couple of times over the four years you’ve been assigned to them.

That was probably because the boys enjoyed ordering in mostly, and eating at their own free times.

Anyhow, it was only a few times, so it definitely did surprise you.

“Okay. Where do we go?”

“I’m in the mood for some eggs and sausages, do you have anything you want to eat?”

“Hey, we’re gonna split the bill okay!?” You hurry to race Hyungwon outside, who goes out in a very knowing way, one that was like a deja vu of the times when he’d butt in when you’re trying to innocently pay for your delivered lunch tray and he’d ask to tab it over to him.

Kihyun was right, he really was different from the way most Monbebe actually looked up at him.

At the restaurant, Hyungwon takes his mask off only after you two are seated at one of the sectioned booths and have ordered your food.

“The pandemic isn’t good, but this is the only thing that I enjoy about it.” He admits, eyes going over to the lack of people inside the place which would usually be filled to the brim with office workers trying to grab a quick breakfast.

“This pandemic has made me a sleepyhead like you.”

“Hey!”

You find yourself smiling so hard around Hyungwon because during breakfast and after you had forcibly paid for you two, on your way back when he offers to buy you coffee - and even remembers your usual order - and the next two hours he spent with you while you helped him write answers and edit what he wrote, it really does not feel like he’s a celebrity at all; but more so as a close friend who makes you feel warm in ways you’ve never felt before.

“Why?”

You snap out from your little trance and go back to typing your script on the laptop, when he interrupts you.

“Why are you smiling? What kind of madness of a show are you writing now?!”

“Hey! Don’t accuse me of writing madness when your Monbebe loves it so much!”

“Yah, that’s too much! Our Monbebe will love us anyway even if you show them us being normal!”

You giggle, because really. When has Monsta X ever been normal?

---

The next day, right after you wake up, you’re working on the itinerary for Monsta X’s upcoming vacation show - a little too late, you had to admit, and that too, when you’re feeling so desperately sleepy like you’ve been feeling lately every morning.

Dawon had gone out to grab breakfast with some of the other staff, and you’re munching on your melon bread, knowing well that the espresso shot you’ve had just a while ago won’t last you for more than 15 minutes.

And it doesn’t.

In fact, you’re actually snoring when your phone rings loudly, making you lift your sorry face up from your laptop keyboard and answering as soon as you pick up the phone.

“Yes, Manager-nim? I’ll send you the itinerary in fifteen minutes!” You say the impossible, because your task in barely done, and you had a feeling you’d fall back onto the laptop keyboard the second the manager hangs up the call.

The sound of familiar chuckling makes you raise an eyebrow and glance at your phone, horrified to see Hyungwon’s name on the display.

“I need it in ten minutes, not fifteen.” He says in a heavy voice, and it makes you huff in embarrassment, glad that he couldn’t see you.

“Very funny, Hyungwon. What did you need?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to wake you up.”

“I was up!”

This makes him laugh yet again, and you sigh, typing on the keyboard as you think about what good excuse you can say.

“If you were up, you wouldn’t have thought I was your manager.”

You let out a little groan, connecting your headphones to the phone so you could multitask while speaking to the male.

“Really, now, Hyungwonnie, what did you really want? Is there something you wanted to ask again?”

“No, I really just called to wake you up.”

“Well. Isn’t that sweet of you.” You say, sarcastically.

The mini banter and sarcastic comments continue for about ten minutes, by which you’d even finished up the itinerary.

So, even if he did laugh at your sleepyhead behaviour - as if he could talk - you made sure to thank him before you go out to take the printouts and finish off your task.

---

And then, that becomes a ritual.

Hyungwon calls you every day at 8 am, right when you’ve signed in for work and are about to head to get some coffee.

He makes small talk with you, talks about little episodes he’d had, and listens to your ideas.

After the first week, you don’t feel sleepy even if you don’t get the coffee; and you don’t even get sleepy after he hangs up.

Every day, it feels like he’s prepared something new, because he makes you laugh so hard that your sleep completely vanishes.

In fact, after a couple of days, he searches up English songs on Genie Music and sings, butchering up a lot of the lyrics on purpose - you know it’s on purpose because Hyungwon has a really good pronunciation when he tries.

One day, you’re butchering up the lyrics of a song along with Hyungwon while you’re writing talk segments for Monsta X’s comeback showcase. Your roommate has been giving you funny looks recently, especially after she asked who was calling you every day and you couldn’t lie and told her it was Hyungwon.

The sudden sound of your door flying wide open and a blonde Lee Minhyuk barrelling into your room makes you stop your singing.

“Oh. So it was you, huh.” He has to say, making himself comfortable on your beanbag chair, and drawing the cloth partition between your room when Dawon - your roommate - keeps staring.

Really, Minhyuk does not know what filters are supposed to be.

“What do you mean?” You ask, and from your headphone, Hyungwon hears his friend’s voice, so he dismisses the call after saying he’ll see you again later.

“So it was you Hyungwonie has been getting up every morning to sing his heart out, huh?”

You stare at him, baffled. “Well, he does sing some normal songs, but he mostly sings crack-”

“He usually never wakes up on his own even if he has schedules, and now he has an alarm to call you every day? What, are you guys dating or something?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, what are you saying!!” You hiss, horrified, because the cloth partition does little to block out sounds from the other side.

“I always tell people if they like someone, to stop being so obvious and just ask them out. It’s easy!!”

“It’s not easy and omg shut up!! He’s just calling me because he’s waking me up, he’s just being kind!”

“Hyungwon never wakes up for us, he’s never kind to us, then! And he’s always still sleepy even if he wakes you up, because he goes straight back to bed after he wakes you up!”

You sigh out loud in frustration, shaking your head. “Come on. What did you want, Minhyukkie?”

Minhyuk gives you a knowing smile before he shakes his head, handing you the binded notebook he had in his clutches.

“You’ll give me a read-over, right? I told you about the radio-show I’m gonna start hosting in a few weeks, right? The concept is clear, but I have some topics I want to talk about and I made some scripts about how I could continue the talk.”

“You got it. I’ll need some time, though, how does Thursday sound?”

“Perfect. Thanks!” He gives you a flying kiss that makes you laugh, and then he’s out as fast as he came barreling in.

---

You expected Hyungwon to stop the calling after the confining to your room rule gets lifted up and you’ve started to go to the office for work.

But he doesn’t, and he sounds as if he’s never been as prepared before as he is now.

Even when the comeback is near and he must be practising into the late hours of the night, he never misses a single day.

A few days before the comeback, you find him having lunch with Shownu, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him in a while - and you hadn’t seen his new hair till then too.

For the first time in the four years you’ve been assigned to work with Monsta X, you take a good look at Hyungwon.

A really, really good look.

At first, he hadn’t noticed you, and while you’re refilling your water bottle with chilled water, you notice the way he’s smiling a little while he listens to what Shownu is saying. The way he uses his hand to brush the fringe of his hair he’s dyed blonde is attractive for the first time - and you’d always thought he was a really, really handsome young man… But this is the first time he looks so attractive that you feel like you’re in a daze, staring at him until chilled water fills up your bottle and pours on your fingers, finally catching your attention.

What gives?

The little yelp you let out makes both Shownu and Hyungwon glance over at you - noticing you for the first time. Hyungwon’s eyes go wide, the top of his palm going up to cover his mouth.

“Ah, [Name]-ah. How are you?” Shownu calls over to you, ever so naturally, and you greet him with a smile when it looks like he’s motioning for you to come over.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you doing well?”

“I’m doing good, Hyunwoo-oppa. You guys must be working super hard for the comeback, right?” You say, glancing at Hyungwon, and for the first time ever, you think he’s actually… blushing ?!

It makes you flustered, thinking about what Minhyuk had talked to you about, while he accused you two of dating. Really, Minhyuk had no filters, it never fails to drive you insane sometimes.

“Yeah! You can expect a lot, please do support us a lot!”

You turn to look at Shownu, beaming at his friendly and charming smile before you excuse yourself and head back before you felt your head would explode.

Now, what the heck was that all about!?

Whatever it was, you were definitely going to blame Minhyuk for this!

---

It absolutely surprises you when Hyungwon doesn’t fail to call you, even the following morning.

You guess you had just imagined it in your head yesterday when Hyungwon looked flustered to see you.

Stupid Minhyuk! It was all in your head after all.

“Now that today’s dumb song segment is over,” Hyungwon says, after he sings a butchered up version of Pretty Please, “I’m gonna sing a song from our album!”

“Oh? Will that be okay?”

“Well, you’ll hear the album preview later today, so, why not?” He has to say. “It’s one of my favorites from the album.”

And then, he sings up to the second chorus of Beautiful Night - a song you fall in love with instantly, because the lyrics are so beautiful and Hyungwon sings as if he’s doing so with his whole soul. It almost makes your eyes teary, and you can barely tell him that you love it, before you have to excuse yourself with a little lie.

Since when did Hyungwon’s voice sound this emotional? It’s been over four years, but his voice has always been the same, beautiful voice as before. You open up Genie music, playing some of the older albums, listening to Hyungwon’s voice in the songs, and you feel like you’ve missed out this side of Hyungwon completely, this madly romantic side of him that sounds so sincere that it makes your heart race.

What is going on, seriously…

---

As the days pass by, the little tingle in your heart whenever you see or hear Hyungwon keeps on getting more and more painful.

In fact, by the end of Monsta X’s three-week promotions for Fantasia X, hearing Hyungwon singing songs for you become almost unbearably sad.

Despite having to wake up earlier, or even having to excuse himself in the middle of getting his hair and makeup done, he makes sure to call you - even if you’re sitting and listening to him when he’s in the same room as you are in.

You realize you can’t hold out your expressions if it’s in front of him, so you make sure to get up and go away somewhere when Hyungwon’s call arrives every day at 8 am on the dot.

It’s a warm Saturday morning, and you’re on your bed, your earpods on and listening to Fantasia X on Genie when Hyungwon’s call of the day arrives.

Today, it’s different.

Usually, he sings a trot song, or a really ugly version of an English song with the hopes of making you laugh so much that your sleep completely vanishes.

But today, he doesn’t say anything and immediately starts to sing soulfully; today, he sings Newton, one of your absolute favorite songs by the group, and…

The way he sings it is so, so sad .

Something inside your heart feels like it is burning, and unknowingly, your eyes brim with tears, because…

All the things Minhyuk had told you, all the things you’ve been thinking about Hyungwon lately, all the little glances he sends your way and then looks away when he sees you’re watching…

You feel your emotions going haywire, and your wishful thinking makes you start crying and you pray to god that Hyungwon, who’s singing the chorus so beautiful and sincerely does not notice.

It’s almost unbearable, and you take off your earpods and have him on speaker, thankful that he doesn’t notice you’ve reached for tissues to wipe your tears.

Since when did I start feeling this way about him?

How can I think this way about one of the members I work for?

Why does Hyungwon sing as if he’s singing just for me, and only me?

Why does it feel like we are never able to meet eyes now?

You have so many questions and no answers, and your hands are shaking as you try to press record on your phone because he sounds so, so beautiful and your crying is not helping you in focusing on his sincere singing.

It is at this moment that the door to your room flies open, and your roommate, Dawon enter the room, then freezes when she sees you crying.

“What’s going on?!”

You’re only able to hand over the phone to her, and mumble a little “Please record it for me” through your sobs.

Dawon looks very confused, raising an eyebrow when she looks at the receiver and sees that it is Hyungwon, on the call.

At that moment, Hyungwon wraps up his singing, clearing his throat a little and speaks for the first time today.

“[Name]-ah.”

You find yourself sniffling, glancing at Dawon who looks visibly upset now… and you can’t even blame her…

“[Name]-ah.” He calls your name again, and this is one of the things that makes you sad in regards to Hyungwon, because… He is a member of Monsta X, one of the manlier groups in the industry for sure, but… He’s so gentle and sweet, a kind-hearted soul, and he does not lack in anything, as he has proudly claimed so.

Even the way he calls your name out is so gentle that it makes more tears stream down your face, and you’re almost scared at how to answer whatever Hyungwon would ask from you.

“[Name]-ah. I have something I have to tell you, in person.”

Your eyes meet with Dawon, who now looks wide-eyed, and you were sure you would probably look the same.

“I… I have to tell you this in person, so, if you… If you’re willing, would you like to… go for dinner with me today?”

More tears stream down your face, and now you know you can never look Dawon in the eyes either so you bury your face on one of your pillows, heart aching too much to do anything else.

“Hyungwon-ssi.”

Dawon speaks into the speakerphone, and it makes you glance at her, wondering what she was going to say.

Hyungwon replies with a loud ‘Huh?’ in confusion.

“Hyungwon-ssi, I’m sorry, but [Name] is outside and she left her phone here.”

Dawon looks at you, lips pressed into a thin line. You feel so uneasy, and it felt like Hyungwon felt the same, because he starts to stammer.

“Wh-Wha? What?! If [Name] wasn’t the one who answered, then wh- Whaaaaa!” You hear a loud whine before the call gets disconnected with a quick mumble of “Sorry!”.

Dawon hurls the phone at your bed, and leaves the room without a word, and it pains your heart so much that you feel like you’ll die.

A text message pops up on your phone a little while later and seeing the text makes you feel a little dizzy, even.

‘If you’re freely going to allow other people to roam through your phone even, I don’t think I have any other choice but to come to see you right away.’

What?

Wait, does he mean-

You hurry to grab your phone and iPad, wiping your face as best as you could and going out of your room. You find Minhyuk and Kihyun using the Xbox in the lounge, so you quietly take a seat near them, greeting them and opening up your iPad without another word.

“[Name]-ah, why do you look so weird?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, how can you say something so rude?!”

You shake your head and give a weak smile at the two, opening up your notepad and leaning against the couch.

A moment passes by, and Minhyuk moves closer to you on the couch, so close that you actually move a little back as well.

“What?”

“I finished my game with Kihyunnie. So. Why? Why do you look so sad? Did Hyungwonie hurt you?”

Now, you’ve been doing a good job of not crying since you got out of the room, but seeing Minhyuk’s worried face and then remembering Hyungwon’s words - along with Minhyuk hitting a bullseye right away… All of that combine together and it makes you start to cry again.

“Wha? Hey?!” Minhyuk looks very startled, and he usually never looks surprised like he doesn’t know what to do, but today he looks like he’s at a dead end, and you allow him to grab your hand and tell Kihyun he’ll be right back, before he hurries to drag you over to the other end of the lounge near the vending machines.

“Yah, what is going on with you lately? Hyungwon really said something mean to you, didn’t he? Sheesh. Acting like he’s in love with you and then making you cry like this? I didn’t expect him out of everyone to behave this way.”

The more Minhyuk spoke, the worse you felt, and you’re barely able to ask him if he could be kind enough to leave you alone for a second when you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“[Name]-ah…. Minhyuk-ah?!”

You and Minhyuk glance up to see Hyungwon approaching you, and you hurry to take your hand away from Minhyuk’s clutch.

Really, Hyungwon couldn’t have caught a worse timing.

Minhyuk shoots you a sad look, then gets up from his seat, goes to say something to Kihyun, then the two of them leave while Kihyun glances at you with a worried look on his face. You can’t get yourself to look at Hyungwon, so you’re looking at your hands, fingers fumbling while Hyungwon stands in his spot in front of you, not saying a single word.

More tears fall down your face when you remember Minhyuk’s words - and how wrong was he to assume the worst from the sweetest person you know, and it pains your heart because you knew if you looked in his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

“Why?”

Hyungwon says a single word, and honestly, that was the only thing you didn’t have an answer for.

Why were you crying?

You didn’t know.

Why can’t you look at Hyungwon?

You had no clue.

Why did Minhyuk know right away?

That too, you didn’t know at all.

Why can’t you answer him?

You had no reason.

So instead, you find tears streaming down your face, and you wish you could leave, but you felt like you owed Hyungwon at least this much, to hear what he had to say even if you felt like something was cutting through your heart.

“Stand up.”

It’s the first time you’ve heard him ask you to do something in that voice, an angry, impatient voice you’ve never imagined you’d ever be on the receiving end for.

“[Name]-ah.”

You hum in response, eyes on the ground. Hyungwon lets out an exhale and you can feel your hands trembling because it’s while you’re looking at his shoes with an aching heart, that you realize something you’ve been wishing so hard was not true.

You were in love with Chae Hyungwon.

Out of completely nowhere, so naturally.... You were so madly in love with Chae Hyungwon; so much that looking at him now would be too much to take, now.

“You heard everything I said, didn’t you?”

Now, that’s something you didn’t expect to hear from him. He had sounded so worried and embarrassed on the phone so you didn’t think he would have any suspicious, but here he was, showing you that he certainly did.

It makes you look up at his face for the first time today, and it pains your heart.

It paints your heart, because he’s wearing clothes with a lot of creases - something he’s been wearing to sleep, and he has on a beanie that covers most of his messy-looking hair, and he’s looking at you with puffy eyes and a frown that hurts so much to look at.

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore so you shake your head in response. Hyungwon looks visibly disappointed, like he knew right away that you were lying. You think he has something more he wants to say, because his lips part a little… And then, he lets out a sigh and shakes his head as well.

“If you are this burdened by how I feel, then…” Hyungwon’s voice trails off, taking a step back and then turning around. You watch the way he walks out of the lounge without a word, and if you felt like you’d never been more hurt before, you were completely wrong, because nothing pained your heart more than watching the male leave like that, as if he had so much to say and couldn’t…. Just like how you felt while you sink back on the couch and cry your heart out.

And from that day onwards, Hyungwon doesn’t call you again.

-----

[yoichichi]

Bunny’s 200 follower event

request: omg hey babe i’m so excited- can i pls get one matchup from haikyuu and one from aot? whoever you think is best and not just bc you know how much i love asahi and hange lmaooo okay so i’m bisexual with a preference for females! i am an infp and a scorpio sun, leo moon, and gemini rising (and a scorpio venus 😳). i love writing and dancing! i love kpop (i know 😔), more specifically girl groups! my favorite is the group “twice” and i would prefer to be with someone who will listen to it with me! and i’m passionate about politics and playing the violin and piano! i’m rather introverted, very intuitive, very empathetic, and and i am perceptive. (literally described my mbti i’m so sorry) i am rather awkward and can appreciate a partner who is strong where i lack. i think i would like someone who is self-assured and able to assure me despite my severe social anxiety. i would also like someone i could extend my protective tendencies to, someone who would let me take care of them. i love to cook, clean, and bake (when i’m not being forced to) and would love someone who would let me do those things for them. i’m a rather physically affectionate person and i would NOT be able to be with someone who couldn’t match my energy. if they don’t enjoy physical affection i couldn’t be with them. i would appreciate someone who could understand my need for validation and offer it without being overbearing. i’m family-oriented and am determined to build a strong, healthy family with a partner who shares the same values. i would also prefer to be with someone who can appreciate my cultures since they’re pretty big parts of who i am! i am agnostic and would prefer to be in a relationship with someone not overly religious because religion makes me uncomfortable :/ i also refuse to be with someone who does not share my progressive views. if they wouldn’t be wearing their mask over their noses and refusing to eat out during a pandemic i wouldn’t even look their way. i’ve never had a serious relationship before and would prefer someone who has been in one and understands that i need time to adapt to it. as for a physical description i’m a little on the heavier side, i’m mexican-japanese, 5’5, have pretty pale skin, and extremely dark brown hair and eyes. i have a pear shaped figure and dude i have like no tits at all. i’m wearing a b-cup rn and i don’t fill it i hate it here. i tend to wear dark colors in comfortable fashion and i prefer modern/androgynous fashion. my pronouns are she/they!

a/n: omg hi bae!!! ALSO PLS THE KPOP PART WAS SO FUNNY and these guys better watch out before I match you with myself bae 😏 okok teehee pls enjoy ❣️ anon! Also omg this took 5 years I’m so sorry I don’t have internet until the 12th so using my data is a struggle 😭 okok I hope you enjoy!

Reading your request, you have been matched with...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Mikasa Ackerman

LISTEN I think y’all would genuinely make such a good couple

Any of your interests she will sit and listen to you talk to them for literal hours and want to combust cause she thinks you look so fucking cute ranting about it it’s unreal

Sometimes you do have to take breaks ranting though cause she just wants a kiss so bad but she promises she’ll let you continue after a half hour of making out LMAO

Her favorite position to listen to you rant about k-drama is with your head laying in her lap while you look up at her so she can play with your hair and still see your face, and it makes it easier to steal a forehead kiss or too

Her second favorite though is when you’re ranting about work and you get particularly frustrated so she pulls you into her chest and runs her fingers down your back and the sides of your arms while you relax

If you can’t tell I strongly HC mikasa loves physical affection

I think its just easier for her to show you how much she cares through little gestures of affection - and she’s currently obsessed with the way your eyes close when she cups your face with both hands and rubs her thumbs across your cheeks so there’s that too LMAO

Massages‼️‼️

When you’re watching a movie and you rest your legs on her lap her hands just naturally start rubbing at your legs and if you get sleepy she just leans over and gives you a kiss on the cheek and carries you to bed and is so <3333333

Ok but she loves when she’s laying between your legs and her head rests on your chest and you play with her hair, like she’s out 5 minutes TOPS and she does drool a little but it’s ok cause she’s cute

Whenever you play the violin or piano in front of her she’s just so 😍😍😍like she will happily sit and watch you practice for hours cause she just loves how pretty you sound and how she can just feel your passion through the way you’re playing

Ok at first I think she’d have a hard time understanding why you take care of her like she’d come home and you’d have dinner already made and she’d just be 🧍🏻‍♀️...... w-what do you want from me LMAO

But I feel like she’d get use to it really fast and always appreciate the things you do for her

Now her heart gets so warm when she comes home and smells dryer sheets cause you did the laundry already, or if she hears the you blasting music she knows she’s probably gonna find you in the kitchen cooking dinner

Ok but Mikasa leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed and she’s just smirking and staring at you cook until you notice she’s there?

🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️ WHew

Omg she loves being your little taste tester while you cook and will sometimes just wait around the kitchen like 😶 until you offer her a bite and then she acts all surprised like 😯🤭 I mean ok 🤗

Ok ms quiet feet loves scaring you sorry LMAO

BUT ITS NEVER IN A teehee GOT YOU WAY

She just knows she walks quiet and she loves when she walks into a room you’re already in and you jump a little and clutch your chest she just thinks it’s the cutest thing ever

She’s one of the most appreciative people of you and adores everything about you 🖤🖤

Your vibe reminds me of...

Another suitable match for you would be...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Iwaizumi Hajime

No cause LISTEN

THis man sees you and his knees are WEAK

Idk what it is but I just know that you’re his type like

Smth about your androgynous dark fashion catches his eye

Like he deadass watches walk across whatever room you’re in like 👁👄👁 and it’s so obvious too and you’re sweating like 👀 what’s this mf WANT

And he’s a bold mf too

Straight up just goes up to you and asks for your number yes he’s getting really sweaty and definitely is stuttering and walks away feeling 🥴

But when you text him back he is so !!!!!

Okok onto the relationship sheesh

He is so patient and understanding with you it’s unreal

The type mf to make you think like,,, damn people like this exist?

The first date y’all go on he even asks if you’re ok with him holding your hand and when you say yes he literally smiles and goes “cool :)” and his hands are so warm and big compared to yours and he keeps your hand for most of the date after that lolol

Ok but listen

Y’all went to Walmart once to get some much needed groceries and this old guy wasn’t wearing his mask right, like it wasn’t covering his nose, and iwa just s t a r e d at him like 🧍🏻

And when the guy was like ???

He went “I’m just trying to figure out how stupid you must be to not know masks cover your nose, too. 😐.”

You had to get Iwa out of the aisle before he almost got into a literal physical altercation with an elderly man LMAO

But He was like :/ I’m sorry I was dramatic inside I just didn’t like it :/ once you got in the car and he was embarrassed so much for saying something to the guy ajsksdjwij

He lets you blast whatever you want on the aux when y’all are driving even if he hates what you’re playing 😭 and he would NEVER be caught dead admitting he doesn’t like what you’re playing cause you like it so much but sometimes a song comes on and he just shoots you a side look like 👀 oh nice nice LMAO

You made him breakfast once and he cried

Like he came out and you were dishing up his plate and he just went 😐😖🥲 t-thanks

He denies it to this day though

He lovvveesss making dinner with you

It’s his perfect destresser after a bad day :(((

He loves it when you fall asleep on him too like he naps with you on accident all the time cause he’s just so big and warm and when you fall asleep on him he gets so lovey and cozy that he just dozes off and at this point he just doesn’t care about his sleep schedule anymore 😭

He’s your big ol cuddle bug :)

Your vibe reminds me of...

ongomgomg im sorry this took so long 😭 I hope you like your pairings and I can’t wait to hear from you 🥺🤲🏼

And to everyone else waiting I’m finally able to start writing again but I still won’t have internet for almost another week so they might be pushed out slowly but I’m going as fast as I can 😭❣️

Love y’all!

-🐇out

[magiskasyskon]

Name: Rigmor Strid

Name meaning: ‘(name of a) queen’ (Swedish), ‘mighty spirit’ (medieval Danish). Rig is a nickname she gets from everyone, as not everyone finds her name easy to pronounce, especially her friends who don’t speak Swedish. She considered changing it to a name that rather begins with a vowel and not a rolled R, as well as because of the fact that she used to believe it was an old woman’s name as a teenager, but has decided to keep it. She later discovered there was a character with the same name in The Elder Scrolls, and became further fond of the name. As for Strid, the Swedish word for war, she believes it fits her and her siblings perfectly, describing their exact relationship with their parents and the nature of their lives.

Age: 26

Ethnicity: Swedish

Nationality: Swedish

What time do they usually get up in the morning?: Rigmor starts work around 10 AM and likes to have an hour to have something for breakfast and brushing teeth and putting clothes on, so she gets up at 9.

What is their morning routine?: Showers, brushes teeth and hair, goes for a jog/does some exercises, has breakfast (usually muesli or toast and black tea), plays with her cat Krabba.

How long does it take them to get ready?: Between 5-10 minutes, up to 15 when she’s sleepy.

What time do they usually go to bed?: A little before midnight.

Do they fall asleep easily?: Usually depends on the day Rig has been through. If she has had a day with darker thoughts, it takes her a while to fall asleep, and she may have trouble falling asleep. If she hasn’t thought of anything bad, she’ll be asleep within seconds.

What position do they sleep in?: On her right side, or on her back

What is their handwriting like?: When she isn’t rushed for time, Rigmor’s handwriting is an elegant Monday Routines (example here). When in a hurry, it resembles The Coastal more (can be seen on the same page).

Do they prefer typing or writing things?: Though she often draws using a tablet and a computer, Rig prefers writing things by hand. She keeps the correspondence with the couple of pen-pals she connected to in high-school written, as well as any letters to closer friends.

Are they an artist themselves? What kind of art do they do?: Rigmor is, aside from a tattooist, an artist, and she likes to paint and draw with ink pens and crayons and charcoal, often images from nature like plants and animals, and also do embroideries and knit and sew things, though she isn’t as good at sewing as she is at drawing or painting. Rig has also made pottery several times, and likes to do it from time to time so she can either make extremely ugly-looking pots and smash them and let go of her anger, or make exquisite vases and mugs and then paint them and give them to friends as gifts. In her free time, she also does make-up art, and is very fond of it.

What are some of their favourite books?: Poetry, comic books, biographies, new adult fiction, young adult fiction, mystery, crime, thriller, horror, historical

What genre of movies do they like?: Adventure, fantasy, documentaries

What music genres do they enjoy?: Folk metal, glam metal, melodic death metal, funk metal, heavy metal, viking metal, grunge, punk, rock, hard rock

What are some of their favorite musical acts?: The Greatest Showman. She doesn’t watch a lot of musicals

Do they prefer their music to sound a certain way?: Rigmor enjoys the music she listens to to have a good rhythm and meaningful lyrics, though she can easily enjoy music with no lyrics such as classical pieces by Beethoven or Rachmaninoff for example.

Do they enjoy music from certain decades? If so, which decades?:  90′s, 80′s, classical music

Are they a musician themselves?: To an extent, I guess? Rigmor can play the guitar and sing beautifully, and has partaken in duets with her brother, Arvid, or trios of them and their sister Robyn, but hasn’t actively recorded music or gone on gigs. She does like to play the guitar when the mood strikes, though, and draws the art for her brother’s albums.

What are some of their favorite pieces of clothing/outfits in their wardrobe? If not applicable, what do you think would be some of their favorite pieces of clothing/outfits?:

How much are they willing to spend on clothes?: Not much, really. Rigmor likes buying cheap but pretty outfits, sometimes from second-hand shops, but most often from little shops close to her home.

What colors and patterns are prominent in their wardrobe? What colors and patterns do they wear the most often?: Blue, most often dark blue, and black, or purple, with an occasional dash of red.

What kind of clothes do they like?: Shirts and jeans, as well as hoodies, but also skirts and dresses in her favourite colours.

Do they wear makeup? What type do they wear?: Usually Rigmor can’t be bothered to wear more than an eyeliner and mascara, but when going to a celebration, or out with her friends, she often likes to wear eye shadow.

Do they wear/do you associate them with clothes from a certain decade? If so, which?: 90′s - the early 00′s

What font/fonts do you associate with them?: Baskerville

What colors do you associate with them?: Light and dark blue, light and dark purple, black, dark and light green, silver

What natural elements (geographical features like mountains, animals, seasons, locations, plants, etc.) do you associate with them: Spring; its freshness and the fascination of newborn life. Nature awakening from its winter sleep. Winter; the calm winter evenings in front of a stove. A cup of hot chocolate or coffee. A starless night with just the moon brightly shining. The calmness and quiet of an ocean at night. Lupine. Rose. Flower crowns for Midsommar, one of her favourite celebrations. Felines, especially bigger cats. Vulpines. Beaches, in the late afternoon when people are leaving and there’s barely anyone, as well as late at night.

Tagged by: stole this kinda older post from @dethqveen​

Tagging: See this? You wanna do it? Steal it & tag me

[justalittlesass]

Chapter One: Into the Devildom

Charlie sighed softly and looked down at the clock on her computer. She still had three hours left in her shift and the last of the day crew had just left. She was the only person left in the small office building and the quiet was maddening. Still, it was better than the obnoxious tone of her headset – killing her soul with the indication of another person who was less qualified and higher paid than she was. Don’t get her wrong, Charlie liked her job. She enjoyed being able to help people and the hours were ridiculously flexible. Her boss was super cool as well. Still, she thought as her eyelids began to flutter with the weight of sleep, this wasn’t what she had expected her life to be.

“…elp me…”

“Help me, please.”

Charlie’s eyes shot open and she looked around. This… wasn’t her office. The room was large and ornate with extremely gothic décor. A line of thrones and pennants stood across from her. Charlie blinked. She had always had a firm grasp on the difference between reality and dreams, and she had never suffered from hallucinations before.

So… where was she?

Upon asking herself this question, Charlie suddenly realized that she wasn’t alone in this room. In fact, as she began to collect her thoughts and rose from her seat on the ground, she noticed that there were several men in this room. All of them were looking at her. Before she could begin taking mental inventory of the strangers, a tall man in a striking red suit stepped forward and smiled.

“Welcome to the Devildom, Charlie…” He frowned softly as Charlie gaped at him. What did he say now?

After a brief pause, he continued, “Oh, pardon me. Feeling a bit shocked, are we?” The question was obviously rhetorical as he continued,

“Well, that’s understandable. You’ve only just arrived, after all. As a human, it will probably take a little while for you to adjust to things here in the Devildom”

Human? Devildom? Adjust?

Charlie’s head was spinning with questions. As she looked up into the pale golden eyes of the man before her, she managed to stutter out,“Th-the Devildom…?”

His smile returned quickly, “Yes, exactly, the Devildom. I see that you catch on quickly. Excellent”

Charlie blinked up at him, reminded of the time she was hit in the face with a football and told that it counted as a 5-yard pass completion.

The man continued, “I suppose I should start by introducing myself. My name is Diavolo.”

Did he just say Diablo? Wait, is he the devil?! AM I IN HELL?!

Charlie wasn’t sure if her face was betraying her internal panic, but he didn’t seem bothered as he continued his introduction, “I am the ruler of all demons, and all here know of me. And someday soon, I will be crowned king of the Devildom.”

He waved his arm to his right. Charlie looked out to see a beautiful city around a castle straight out of a fairy tale. Her breath caught in her throat at the beauty of the night-shrouded landscape. She was so busy imagining wandering through the dark streets and in the hall of the castle that it took her a moment to process what he had just said.

“This is the Royal Academy of Diavolo, though we just call it RAD. You’re standing inside the assembly hall, the very heart of RAD. This is where we officers of the student council hold our meetings and conduct our business.” His expression turned serious as he added, “I’m the president of said council.”

Charlie looked back at him. This was a school? Why was she in a school? She was 27 years old and had a bachelors degree. But then again, looking at this man, he looked to be about her age, maybe a bit younger but not by much. But if he was the devil then wouldn’t that mean he was super old? And for that matter, she thought the devil was the king of demons so why-

Charlie placed a hand to the bridge of her nose to stave off the sharp headache that was making itself more than apparent. She took a deep breath and managed to say,“Why… am I here?”

No sooner had the words left her mouth than the most beautiful man she had ever seen stepped forward, his voice deep and smooth as black velvet with the slightest British accent as he replied, “I will explain everything to you.”

Diavolo spoke again as Charlie tried to recover from the heat she felt rising in her face at the appearance of such an attractive man,“Charlie, this is Lucifer. He is a demon and the Avatar of Pride”

Damn, I’d be proud too if I looked that good.

Charlie’s eyes flitted over the man’s silky black hair that fell perfectly around his face, drawing attention straight to his cold red eyes. His every feature was sharp and precise. He looked like the crack of a whip sounded - startling, dangerous, and oddly satisfying.

The introduction continued as Charlie tore her eyes away from tall, dark, and demonic and focused back on the red prince,“He’s also the vice president of the student council and my right-hand man… and not just in title, I assure you. Beyond that,” Diavolo laughed, “He’s also my most trusted friend.”

Lucifer frowned and quipped, “Flattery will get you nowhere, Diavolo.”

He turned his gaze to Charlie and took a step forward, smiling cordially, “Speaking on behalf of the entire student body at this great and storied school of ours, I offer you a most heartfelt welcome, Charlie.”

Charlie felt her face heating up again as she stared up at his face. Her thoughts were shooting through her head like bullet trains.

Storied school? How old is this place? How old are these guys?! Seriously, why am I here? I’m a grown ass woman. I pay bills. Wait, his name is Lucifer- Isn’t the other guy the devil. Wait was Lucifer the devil? Was that Satan? Is there a different Satan? I mean Lucifer’s a fallen angel, right? Is that why he’s so pretty? I need a nap. Wait he said students-

She followed the last thread back to his previous statement, “On behalf of the students?”

The corners of Lucifer’s mouth dropped into a neutral expression – almost bored, “Diavolo believes that we demons should start strengthening our relationship with both the human world and the Celestial Realm. As a first step towards this goal, we’ve decided to institute an exchange program.”

His mouth twisted back upward as he continued, “We’ve sent two of our students to the human world and two to the celestial realm and we’re welcoming four students to our school: two from your world, and two from the celestial realm.”He frowned, the bored expression returning to his features. “So I take it you’ve probably put two and two together at this point, right? You’ve been chosen from among the people of the human world to participate in this program of ours. You are our newest exchange student”

Charlie reached up and ran a hand through her short hair, rubbing the back of her head nervously.

Lucifer continued,“Your period of stay is one year. You will have to work on the tasks that you will receive from RAD. After one year, you will write a paper about your exchange here in Devildom.”

Charlie blinked, stupefied. “Write a paper?!”

She hadn’t written a paper in over three years!

Lucifer crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side ever so slightly, a look of controlled annoyance crossing his face. “I am not telling you to write a doctoral thesis. You can take it easy.”

His annoyance was replaced by an amused smirk as he caught Charlie’s expression.

“Don’t glare at me like that. It’s not like I will abandon you all by yourself here in the Devildom. You need someone to look after you, and I think that someone should be my brother Mammon. He’s the Avatar of Greed and… how should I put it…? Oh well, you’ll understand soon enough.”

He pulled what appeared to be a smartphone from his pocket and held it out to Charlie.

“Here, take this device. It’s called a D.D.D. It’s a lot like the cell phones of your world. This will be yours to use for as long as you’re here. Now, go ahead and try calling Mammon with it.”

Charlie took the device and unlocked it, finding a contact pre-programmed in. She clicked on the name and the phone began to dial out,“Yoooo.”

The voice sounded sleepy. She chuckled softly as she returned,“Yoooo.”

“Are ya foolin’ around? Who the hell are ya?”

He sounded so bratty, she couldn’t help but grin as she replied,“I’m a human”

“Whaaa? A human? Geez, I was getting’ all chilly here thinkin’ it was Lucifer again. Ya should’ve told me right away.”

Charlie bit her bottom lip as he continued,“So, what business does a human got with THE Mammon?”

Oh no, he sounded adorable.

“Let’s be friends!”

She blurted it out without even thinking.

“Eh… what’re ya even sayin’…?”

OH LORD HELP ME, HE DUMB

“AAH! I get it now, you’re the other human – the new exchange student!”

Yes, you bratty dumb boy.

“G’luck with that, and see ya.”

Charlie opened her mouth to yell when Lucifer murmured softly behind her,“Tell him to come here.”

Charlie nodded and spoke into the phone,“Lucifer called for you.”

“Pfft, whatever. Ya think THE Mammon would listen to ya just cause you’re tryin’ to scare me with that name?”

Lucifer leaned down next to Charlie and she froze up as he stated into the mouthpiece of the phone,“You’ve got 10 seconds…..9….8…”

Mammon practically yelled into the phone “YESSIR” and immediately hung up.

Charlie turned her face as Lucifer stood upright again, trying to return her face to a normal human color. She was too old to be acting this way over some guys. She peeked up at Lucifer for a second,

Well, to be fair, he’s not really just SOME GUY… is he?

He turned to face her, that smile back on his face,

“Sounds like you had a nice chat.”

Charlie chuckled and was unable to keep the sarcasm from her voice as she replied,

“He seems reliable”

Lucifer scowled, seeming to have missed her tone,

“… You really think so?”

Diavolo joined back into the conversation,

“Well, if you were suddenly brought to a strange place and then get told than an unfamiliar face will now take care of you, you’d certainly feel anxious.”

He turned his attention to Charlie, “However, Mammon isn’t the only one to help you out”

He chuckled, “Now then… we still need to introduce our new friend to your brothers, Lucifer. And it’s probably better that you do it instead of me, wouldn’t you say?”

Lucifer let out a long, labored sigh, “Yes… As much as I dread the idea of doing so, you’re right.”

A boy with peach blonde hair – almost as painfully beautiful as Lucifer – piped up with a giggle,

“Oh, come now. Really? You should be honored that you get to introduce such a sweet and charming little brother like me”

Lucifer let out another sigh and stated in an exhausted tone,

“This one here is Asmodeus. He’s the fifth eldest. He is the Avatar of Lust.”

Asmodeus’s lovely face scrunched up into a pout,

“Wh- I can’t believe you just totally ignored what I said! And not only that, you referred to me as this one. How rude!”

Charlie looked over Asmodeus’s features in comparison to Lucifer’s. Everything about this man was soft and dangerous. From the waves of his peach colored hair to his honey eyes framed by long dark lashes – a dangerous glimmer in them as they fluttered. Charlie noticed how abnormally smooth and soft his skin looked – as if he was airbrushed to perfection. Even the pitch of his voice - with its ever so slight french intonations - was dripping with saccharine edged with something dangerous. Everything about this man conjured the image of peach flavored cotton candy laced with cyanide.

Charlies was snatched from her ruminations on the avatar of lust by a Scottish brogue,

“Hpmh. At least he didn’t ignore you altogether. How do you think I feel?”

Charlie turned to see a man with golden blonde hair and stunning emerald eyes had approached the gathering,

“That one there is Satan, the fourth eldest of us,”

Holy shit! I’m meeting THE Satan right now. What is my LIFE?!

“At first glance, he may seem like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders,”

Charlie eyed the blonde with a raised eyebrow. His mess of blonde hair and his expression of casual annoyance indicated otherwise, but who was she to argue? It was probably the bow tie. Humans saw bow ties as a mark of someone who is very responsible. Maybe demons did too.

“But looks can be deceiving.”

Charlie flitted her eyes between Lucifer and Satan for a moment. Satan was much shorter than the older demon. In fact, he was almost the same height as Charlie herself - give or take an inch. She wasn’t a small woman to begin with, however all of the other demons she had met so far nearly towered over her. This poor guy seemed to be the runt of the litter. In fact, all things considered, he seemed to barely be different from a typical human man. Sure, he was outstandingly good looking. His features were as sharp and defined as Lucifer’s, if a bit less perfectly so. He had a certain ruggedly bookish look to him. In fact, she could almost smell the scent of opening a new book when she looked at him.

“Aha, so I’m that one, am I?” he turned from scowling at Lucifer to offer Charlie a similarly cool smile as his brother had,

“Nice to meet you, Charlie. I am Satan, the Avatar of Wrath”

Pretty self explanatory. Wouldn’t have expected the bow tie though.

Charlie looked between the three men standing before her. Each was beautiful individually, but looking between all of them standing together - she thanked whoever was responsible for this blessing in her head before stopping her gaze abruptly on the peach colored boy, “The Avatar of Lust?”

Asmodeus beamed at her sweetly, “That’s right! It pretty much sums up what I’m about!”

His smile dropped into a serious expression, his mouth forming a straight line and his eyes half-lidded. His voice matched his expression as the giddy lilt he had been speaking in dropped, “Including my power.”

Charlie felt ice in the pit of her stomach as he locked her in a predatory gaze, “Let’s give a little demonstration! Charlie, could you gaze into my eyes for a moment?”

The gentle smile returned to his lips and the lilt to his voice as he leaned down to eye level and reassured her, “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. Come on, don’t be shy…”

This only made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Adrenaline coursed through her instinctually at this unnamed threat. Still, curiosity had always been her vice and - lord help her - he was beyond beautiful.

Wordlessly, she moved her eyes to meet his honey orbs - predation glaring back at her from the depths. He stared back for a moment before a confused frown overtook his countenance. “...Hold on a second.” He stood and sighed “That’s weird. Lucifer, are you sure there is a soul inside this body?”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow, a concerned frown forming. “Yes. Assuming Beel hasn’t devoured it already, that is.”

A deep rumbling southern drawl responded, “Nope, I haven’t eaten any souls… yet.”

Before Charlie could tear her eyes away from the unsettlingly concerned demons before her to identify the mystery voice, Satan addressed her - pulling her attention back to him. “I should probably warn you, Charlie: you’d best be wary of Asmodeus’s gaze. He can charm and manipulate people and use them to his own advantage.”

A scowl crossed his features as he continued, “If you’re not careful, he’ll charm you. And once you’re under his spell, he’ll eat you.”

Asmodeus returned the scowl and countered, “Hey, don’t go around saying things like that…”

Lucifer let out another weary sigh. “Are you done?”

Before either of the others were able to respond he continued “Now, the one there with the very grumpy look on his face is Beelzebub. He’s the sixth oldest.”

Charlie turned, her gaze met by a very muscular chest - obvious even through the layers of clothes covering it. She tilted her head back to find the grumpy expression Lucifer had referred to. A stark contrast to the brothers introduced before him, this man was a massive, rugged giant. His ginger hair was tousled and fell carelessly over his forehead. Deep purple eyes glared down at the eldest brother, seated in what Charlie could only describe as the most beautifully rugged and masculine face she had seen in her life. Her eyes trailed slowly down to his visible forearms - and then just a bit further down before bouncing back up to his face.

The heat had returned to her face and she suddenly realized she’d been biting her lower lip.

Good lord I want to climb him like a tree.

Charlie seemed to recover briefly from her lusting daze as the giant rumbled in the deep drawl from earlier, “Lucifer, I’m hungry”

Lucifer scowled in return “That’s too bad. Now behave yourself”

Beelzebub’s grumpy expression shifted into a pout and Charlie felt her face trying to catch on fire.

Oh no. He’s cute too!

Seeming not to notice that Charlie was under threat of spontaneous combustion, Beelzebub grumbled out, “I’m Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony.”

Lucifer’s face returned to its neutral expression as he declared “So…” Charlie snapped back to reality, turning to face him again as he continued, “There are seven of us brothers in all, and I am the eldest.”

The cool smile found its way back to his lips - though it contained a hint of malice as he said, “Mammon, the second oldest of us, will be here soon.”

He paused for a moment, his expression shifting to one of general displeasure. “My other brothers aren’t here at the moment, but… well, we can get to them later. All in good time.”

Diavolo, silent for the introductions, finally inserted himself back into the conversation. “During your stay in the Devildom, the seven brothers will lend you their strength. To keep you safe, you are to stay with them at the House of Lamentation.”

Charlie processed what the prince had said, keying in on one phrase in particular, “To keep me safe?”

Lucifer smiled slyly, seeming to enjoy the concern in her voice. “Most agree with Diavolo, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t vulgar demons out there who wouldn’t harm you.” Charlie’s frown deepened as Lucifer added, “If anything were to happen to you, it would be our responsibility. And I won’t betray Diavolo’s expectations.”

Charlie squinted and cut her eyes between the two demons for a moment.

Are… are they married? I think they’re married. They make a cute couple.

She returned from her thoughts to Lucifer as he continued, “So, I will do everything in my power to make sure you survive your stay down here in the Devildom.”

Charlie wasn’t sure she liked the concept of demons fighting over whether or not she lived but it didn’t seem like she had much of a choice in the matter. Judging from the serious expression on Lucifer’s face, her hopes that this was all some kind of elaborate prank were slim.

Lucifer nodded his head towards the device in Charlie’s hands “Although we will all be living together, you should still have the means to reach us at any given time. All of our phone numbers are already in there. And your D.D.D. also has a messaging app.” Charlie looked down at the device. She had forgotten entirely about it in the torrent of introductions. Lucifer added “Make sure to add all of us”

As Charlie raised her head from the screen, she was met by Diavolo’s bright grin “I’ll go ahead and send you a message!”

Satan smirked and quipped “Isn’t that nice, Charlie. Now you will be friends with the future king of the Devildom!”

Charlie wasn’t sure just how nice that was considering the situation. She was reeling from all of the information she had just received. Luckily, it seemed like she would have plenty of time to process - whether she wanted it or not.

Her eyes were brought up at the sound of a door slamming open. Lucifer sighed softly, “Well, you’ve got that done now, and it seems the idiot has arrived as well.”

“HEY! Just who do you think you are, human? You’ve got a lotta nerve summoning the Great Mammon!”

Charlie’s heart leapt into her throat as she stared up at him. His skin was mocha colored and his eyes were blue with gold highlights. His silver hair was a fluff of unkempt chaos and as it shifted, it seemed to glitter with gold highlights. Chaos was a good word for his entire appearance. This boy was utter anarchy incarnate.

Oh… oh no… Oh noooo

Charlie was smitten.

[letterstotheone-whomilovemost]

12/31/2020 (14 months after the event)

Happy New Years!

It has been a rather weird year, hasn’t it? While some days from this year feel like they were only yesterday, others feel like half a decade ago. To be quite frank, the same applies to the last time I saw you. I’m sure if you saw this you would go “blah blah, you say the same thing every time you write.” While this is true, I can’t help it. I started taking new medication, as of 14 days ago. My psychiatrist, I have one of those now-- along with a therapist haha, recommended me getting put on escitalopram for my severe anxiety. It’s always been pretty bad, but over the course of the past 14 months, it has skyrocketed pretty high. Isn’t it strange how our minds develop as we get older? Survival of the fittest? Or is it just adaptation? The human body is pretty neat, let alone our brain. 

I was going through my photos the other day, and got the sudden urge to delete all of them. Of course, I’m not as crazy as just upright deleting them-- so I uploaded all of them onto a drive, and then deleted them from my phone. All of them. Decided it was time for a fresh start, why not start with the one thing I open every day, right? I decided earlier today, about a week after I deleted all of my photos, that I would go into my drive to try and find a photo from September that I downloaded from a manga I was reading. Of course I got sidetracked, I scrolled to 2014 and was going through all of my old photos with my brother and my family, and then suddenly I got to 2017 and there it was. The black and white photo of you and I at the parking deck, both of us laughing as hard as we possibly could. I smiled softly of course, as the beautiful memory came rushing over me. But then something hit me. For some reason, this isn’t how I remember you. My brain forgot what you looked like, or at least started trying to. It’s been about a year since I last saw a photo of you. While the brain is so incredibly amazing, it has a bad habit of memories starting to fade, especially when it’s a person attached to bad memories as well. It works in some cases, where people are trying to forget-- but even still it does the opposite and leaves the person going “Why can’t I forget you!?”. Strange, right? The human mind is so beautiful. I can still hear you talking to me sometimes, if I try hard enough. Lately, I haven’t been so hard on myself. I’m trying to figure myself out still, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay that I still love you. I know I more than likely always will. That’s what love is, right? Being able to love and never losing that love, no matter what happens. 

All of this being said, I figured I would kind of recap everything that has happened in the wonderful year of 2020. It has been one hell of a ride.

January, the month of my brother’s 15th birthday. He was so happy and we all celebrated his birthday with him the following weekend. We also went hiking the same month, while it was cold; my mother, brother, and I had a blast. This month was mostly just working and being lazy on my off days. I had a fall out with my best friend.

February, I had a love hate relationship with this month. I tried dating someone new, I saw that you had gotten in a relationship two months prior and figured it was time for me to try and move on as well. Needless to say, dude was a douchebag and was a very violent individual. I left him within 3 weeks. My birth father, his newlywed wife, my cousin from my favorite uncle, whom I had never met until then, and I all went to Ruby Falls. It was quite a beautiful journey. Whilst I fought with my father, it turned out to be an okay experience. Later in the month, I ended up getting into a fight with my landlord, who was demanding that I pay extra, even though I was not behind on any payments. I ended up cooperating with them, so that I didn’t lose my home. I celebrated my little sister’s fifth birthday.

March, I lost my job. Millions and millions of other people did as well. Covid-19 struck the world. I took it lightly and just assumed that yet again, the media was blowing things out of proportion. My landlord wasn’t understanding of the fact I was put out of work, along with millions of others. They ended up being generous for the month after I showed them statistics. I ended up being lazy, doing nothing but watching Netflix and Disney plus for the entire month.

April, Corona Virus was boring at this point. We had all been told, “Oh! We’ll all be open for business again in the next two weeks!”. That was the first week of March, and it was now April. The government didn’t give us any kind of help until the last week, so that kind of fucked me. I spent most days laying in bed on TikTok. I also got super into streaming in the beginning of this month, and my platform was finally starting to take off.

May, unemployed for two months. I debated taking a job at a warehouse. Unfortunately, the media deterred me from doing so. There was a spike of cases in my state; it was terrifying. I didn’t leave my house much. I got my dog, for the first time in 4 years. It was beautiful, I cried. He was so happy to be back home. I started a routine of watching anime every morning at 7 am and then going for a walk. I wanted to get back into a daily routine, regardless if I had a job or not. I was falling behind on bills, and I really needed to distract myself. I started getting into digital art, rather than traditional, for the first time ever. I stopped making my music.

June, I reconnected with a lot of old online friends from 2013. It was strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. It was nostalgic in a way, spending late nights on discord calls. I didn’t really enjoy it all too much, I felt like it all needed to stay in the past. I started anti-depressants, again. This time it was Prozac. It made me feel extremely drowsy, and made me feel out of body most of the time. I tried to date, again. An old friend that I had from 2013, we reconnected and even though they were out of state, I decided-- “Hey, maybe this will be good for me. I don’t have to worry about them getting aggressive with me, we can take things slow, and we can pace ourselves.” Oh man, if only I knew. He flew down to my state, met the family, was extremely respectful and even stayed in a hotel the first trip. Everything seemed to be going okay.

July, my 21st birthday. Did I drink? No. Sounds crazy, right? I had about half a drink, and decided I just didn’t want any. I had stopped taking my antidepressants, the new boyfriend had said that I wasn’t acting right. It fed into my suspicion, that the meds weren’t doing a whole lot for me. They were just making me really sleepy and on edge all the time. The new boyfriend had come down again for my birthday and mother’s birthday, since we share the same birth week. Celebrated with my mom, her best friend, and I. July was pretty hectic, since I had decided I would be moving to West Virginia on August 5, 2020.

August, I moved to West Virginia. I packed up all of my belongings, uprooted everything I had ever known, hugged my family goodbye, and got into the back of a truck with a u-haul attached to it. I rode in the back of the vehicle for 14 hours, fell asleep in Kentucky, woke up in Ohio. It was daylight by the time we approached West Virginia. It was so beautiful, all of the mountains. I was moving into the house in which he lived in, which his sister was next door on one side, and his parents on the other side. We had the nice river breeze, since Ohio river was within eyesight. I lived in the Tri-state area so it was Pennsylvania on one side, Ohio on the other, and us-- five minutes to each state. It was a good first couple of days. Then we got into our first fight. I was unable to work, since I left my car behind. Luckily, I had saved up a bunch of money for me to be able to buy one. He hit me with really low blows, saying I didn’t need to work-- since women weren’t good for that kind of thing. It hurt, to be honest. I had never seen him like this before, in the eight years I had known of his existence. He had been with me in my hometown for three weeks and not once acted like this. I walked on eggshells, bought a car with my hard earned money, then got a management job at the Domino’s that was ten minutes from my town I was living in. Towards the end of the month, he got aggressive with me. He stopped working the same week I had moved in, he had no car. He had no ambition, he decided to just give up. Maybe that’s what I tried to see, maybe-- just maybe I could help him find some ambition. I wanted to save him, in a way? We got into a severe fight, I couldn’t take it anymore-- I fought back, and he ended up swinging on me.

September, I packed all of my belongings that I could into my tiny little Toyota, and left in the middle of the night. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to go to my mom’s house. My mother had known how bad he had gotten, since he acted such a way with my mother on the phone, unknowingly. I drove for 15 hours, well 13 but with rest stops to nap for a bit since I was running off of no sleep, but I finally ended up back home. I ended up staying with my mom for a bit. Later had to relocate, so I moved in with an old friend. Started streaming again.

October, Worked. Literally worked the entire month, my entire existence fell into dread. I became overly aware of how much time had passed. I felt like I had been doing nothing. I dreaded the last day of the month, every day just gave me more and more sadness.  I didn’t want the day to come. I started dreaming of you more and more and more. Halloween came, I decided to look at it differently, I started to thank you-- rather than try to hate you. I came to the conclusion that I would never hate you.

November, Thanksgiving! I started to become grateful, moved back into my mom’s house. It was a bumpy ride, but I managed to get back into the habit of doing healthy things. Started going to the gym again, drinking more water. I told my father he was dead to me, haven’t spoken to him since. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my real family, my mother and her best friend’s family. They watched me grow up since the day I was born. It was so much better than any other holiday I had ever had up to this date.

December, I started a new form of medicine. This time it was for anxiety, since that’s the main factor of my illness-- or so we think so far. I am on escitalopram, and I started it the week before Christmas. I got to see my real family again. It was nice, but this time I got to reunite with my childhood best friend for the first time in fifteen years. It was so lovely. I have become almost bedridden again, but it won’t last long-- since it’s just a side effect of my medicine. I also got to see some friends from high school, but then I realized-- they’re the exact same way they’ve been since the beginning. They wanted nothing but to talk about drama. It just isn’t my thing, I don’t like dealing with people much anymore, because of the constant drama. I’ve learned a lot about people changing, and the lack thereof.

I think this year has been a year full of lessons for me, and it has been tough. As they say, there’s no pleasure without pain, no pain no gain, right? This year has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me, and I am extremely grateful for the things I have experienced. I’ve learned so much about who I am as a person. I’ve grown a lot, while this year has kicked my ass. I have high hopes for the next year. For the first time, since 2016, I finally see a future in myself, by myself. 

To New Beginnings, Lovebug.

I love you, always.

22:27

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “Things to know about humans.”

So I know I usually write stories, but some days I will be to busy for that. The short report style is a little faster. In light of this, I ask for your suggestions on what to base these shorter writings on. I have a much harder time coming up with ideas for this kind of writing than short stories.

Please comment, ask questions, and give ideas. I love any and all of the above. 

Report ID 2241566

Author Krill

Things to Know About Humans

I have made an effort to write, a comprehensive guide for my fellow members foe galaxy, and especially for anyone who comes into frequent contact with humans. Almost two years in to my study of the humans and this list is BY NO MEANS comprehensive, but I hope it helps

1.       Humans are very easily bored. If left alone with nothing to do for long periods of time they are likely to become destructive, aggressive, angry, or depressed. I recommend the following as ways of dealing with the humans.

a.       Bubbles: humans love bubbles, they like it in their bathwater and in their drinks, and they like making them. It works best for small humans but has been known to occupy adult humans for a period of time

b.      Colors: humans also love bright colors and having the ability to apply these pigments to a blank sheet of paper. It enhances creativity and can keep them occupied for hours. While this is traditionally for small humans, coloring pages are specifically made for adult humans. I would advise investing in some coloring books for adult humans.

c.       Puzzles; as long as the puzzle is not too complicated, and as long as it is time consuming, your human should be happy. Try incorporating bright colors into the puzzle to keep their attention.

d.      Television: humans like watching other humans play pretend. It’s actually kind of adorable, and they can do this for hours.

e.      Give a human something to read, preferably in their native language. Humans LOVE making up stories and reading them. There are even humans who make a living out of this.

f.        Music: this is like a drug to humans. They love having it all day every day, and use it to promote concentration, performance, relaxation, and even sleep. Be sure to note that not every human likes ALL music and not ALL music promotes the same effects.

2.       Another important thing to remember is that humans need physical contact to be happy (in general often it is a good idea to keep two humans or more rather than just one.

a.       Humans like cuddling with other members of their species. Though the female human is more likely to do this, male humans have been known to do this in large packs. This works best when there are members of both sexes.

b.      When a human is upset, it is normal for them to do a sort of standing cuddle for a few seconds. If you don’t have another human to perform this procedure, you can do it yourself by following the directions in diagram A-1.

c.       Humans who have been friends for a long time, or usually, a mating pair of humans connect to each other by holding hands so they won’t become separated from each other.

3.       Humans collect soft objects en mass this includes blankets, pillows, sweaters, clothes, and sometimes, other animals. If you ever need to get a gift for a human get them something fuzzy.

4.       Humans are aggressively loyal to their specific and have been known to. Run into burning buildings, donate their own organs, give their blood, sacrifice themselves, lavish gifts, get into fights, and kill members of opposing groups. If you have been accepted into a human group, you should consider yourself very lucky. It is always better to be friends with a human than enemies to a human.

5.       To greet a human you have a couple of options.

a.       They prefer the handshake, which is kind of like the holding hands mentioned earlier, but it takes place face to face and for a shorter period of time. See diagram A-1

b.      Present the human with gifts, fuzzy things are recommended, though anything with ethanol in it is also good. Despite its poisonous nature humans love to consume it.

c.       Friendship bracelets, now this one is debatable since I have only seen it used in context with the human larvae. However the earlier you can become friends with a human, the longer you have to be integrated into their close circle.

d.      Wave your appendages. Humans do this often to greet people.

e.      Jumping up and down and screaming also seems to be an acceptable method of greeting someone, use wisely.

6.       Humans also enjoy wearing shiny objects. The shinier the object, the greater status they have. Males often give females shiny objects to wear on their bodies to denote their status. The human with the most shiny objects is probably the leader so defer to them. These also make very good gifts. Make sure the shiny object is small enough that they can wear it, on their arms, around their necks, or on one of their fingers.

7.       While many chemical compounds can kill us, humans use them for pleasure.

a.       Some drugs cause the human to be sleepy and hungry.

b.      Some drugs make a human paranoid and violent

c.       Some drugs make humans angry, goofy, happy, dumb, and cause them to throw up everywhere. Would not recommend.

d.      Some cause extreme euphoria.

e.      All of these drugs should probably be avoided for they are not healthy for the human.

8.       Humans love dancing, usually paired with music, they like to use a combination of, kicking, wiggling, jumping and twirling. It is always fun to watch a human dance even if they are not very good at it…. Some humans wiggle professionally.

9.       Human status is also based on how shiny and straight their teeth are. Humans use teeth to demonstrate both happiness and anger. The human with the best teeth probably has the highest status.

10.   WARNING:  humans have the compulsive need to touch things, even things that they don’t know the chemical makeup of. Make sure to enforce strict rules of NO TOUCHING for your human friends.

11.   WARNING: Related to number 10 humans will put ANYTHING in their mouth. Like their fingers, the human mouth has many sensory cells. Humans will use their mouth to explore the enviornment. DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS.

12.   Humans love playing games especially if those games have arbitrary nonsensical rules.

a.       Following the instructions in table C-1 You can find instructions on making a game that humans will love to play. It is also advisable to assign a point system and a reward for the wining team.

b.      Note, if the humans who lose the game is sad, give them snacks, that should make them happy.

13.   Pretty sure humans worship Pizza though I’m not really sure what it is yet. Political leader, dark god, or holy symbol, I am not really sure.

[buckys-forgotten-plum]

Hold me tighter ||2||

Prompt- y/n hasn’t made much progress in controlling her abilities, but that doesn’t mean she’s not making progress with Bucky.

Warnings- language, lil angst maybe? A LOT of fluff. Like an abundance of fluff.

I had a lot of fun writing the first one and I thought maybe a 2nd part would be cute, disclaimer though, I had to redo this THREE SEPARATE TIMES  so I am so sorry if the ending is right shit. 

————————————————————

“C’mon kid, you can do it. Just focus,” Bucky’s voice is quiet as he stands directly behind you, hands lightly placed on both of your shoulders. 

“What if I panic again?” you ask, wringing your hands together nervously. 

“I’ll be here to help you and Tony is in the corner. You’ll be fine, I believe in you,” 

A small whine escapes your lips as Bucky removes his hands and takes a tiny step back. Your heart was beating a mile a minute as you stood at the far end of the empty training room. You look back at Bucky nervously and he gives you a reassuring nod before you turn to face your target. The three of you had been in this room for the past three hours, all three being spent on trying to get control over your strange power that Bucky had began to call “Blinking”. 

“Go ahead y/n” Tony speaks from afar as he watches the scene unfold. 

After the surprising events that had taken place a few days before, Tony had figured out how skittish you were and had quickly changed the way he approached you. The day that Bucky had calmed you down was the day that a small crack in your heavily built wall appeared. Once you had awoken from the incredibly deep sleep that you had fallen into (you had later found that it had taken 14 hours before you had woken up) it was hard to detach yourself from the metal armed assassin who had stayed the entire time. It was weird and uncomfortable for you, but it became second nature to follow him around like a lost puppy. He was the only one who had controlled your power without the use of sedatives or beating you into a coma, and that meant a lot to you. 

It didn’t seem to bother Bucky though, he actually quite liked your company. The two of you would always make late night trips to the kitchen for snacks or you would accompany him every time he went to work out, whenever Bucky would have the need to go somewhere you would be right there with him. He had become your rock, something to stabilize you when control was lost and anxiety took over your mind. You had only had one other panic attack after that first day, but your second time around was handled much better than the first since Bucky knew what to do right away. The thought gave you comfort as you took a small step forward and a deep breath in.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay,” you mutter under your breath, shaking out your hands and feet in a nervous manner.

You focused on one spot, thinking of how it felt to “blink” and trying to make it happen. Your body began to flit in and out of sight after a few seconds and it didn’t take long before you popped up on the other side of the gym, stumbling forward and onto your knees. The sound of a happy shout from across the room was heard as Bucky cheered you on. Tony clapped loudly, a smile on his face as he slowly stood from his seated position on stacked up wrestling mats. Your chest was heaving up and down in a mix of anxiety and excitement, your body was shaking slightly as you picked yourself up from the floor and turned around to see the two men across the room. 

“I did it,” the raspy mumble left your lips in a moment of realization. 

Your eyes met Bucky’s and you couldn’t hold back the small smile on you lips as you saw the proud one that Bucky held on his. The flickering began to happen once again and before you knew what was even happening, you popped up right in front of Bucky, falling into his open arms. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that” You apologize quickly and begin to take a step back, but Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist before you can move and he pulls you into him. 

“I’m proud of you, kid,” He states proudly, lifting you up so your feet are hovering just above the floor. 

“I think that’ll be good for today, no point in stressing out too much, plus Terminator .5 over here has to get ready for a mission,” Tony says nonchalantly, making his way over to the exit. 

“A mission?” you mumble out, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. 

“Yeah, it’s no big deal, dollface. Just a low level intelligence run. I won’t be more than 3 days max, and steve is comin’ with me so there’s really nothing to worry about,” Bucky explains and gives you a reassuring smile. 

“Can I um... Would I be able to com-” “Definitely not y/n, you’re incredibly unstable and could get hurt. Or hurt others,” Tony interrupted, not even making the move to turn around and face you. 

“He’s right, kid. Just...Wait for me alright? You won’t even notice I’m gone,” Bucky jokes, a chuckle rumbling from low in his chest. 

“You and I both know that’s a goddamn lie,” you whine out and push your forehead into Bucky’s hard chest. 

His chuckles become louder at your childish behavior and he picks you up off the floor even more. “Tony will take care of you just fine, and you can start making friends with the other people who live here. I’m not the only person here ya know,” 

“I don’t like anyone else here,” you mumble out quietly, your nerves beginning to get the best of you as the flickering begins, “What if it happens again?”

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re gonna be fine. You know you’re safe here now so you shouldn’t worry so much,” Bucky quickly tries to calm you down, wrapping your legs around his waist so he could hold you tighter. 

The action made you snake your arms around his neck, one of your hands going into his hair just to try and gain a few more tiny touches. “I leave tomorrow morning, we can spend as much time together as you need before then, alright?” 

“okay,” you mumble and push your face into Bucky’s neck, still craving any kind of touch. 

Bucky was silent as he carried you out of the now empty gym to make the short journey to his room. He needed to start packing for the mission and since you need to calm down for a bit, he just decided it be easier if you were there with him. When Bucky made it back to his room, your body still wrapped around him like a sloth, he made his way over to the large bed, “Can I put you here for a sec doll? I won’t take too long to pack everything and afterwards we can just watch movies or something,” 

You nod your head silently and let go of your source of warmth. Bucky walks off into his dresser and you crawl up to the top of the bed and into the covers. Your arms immediately go to wrap around one of Bucky’s pillows, shoving your face into it to feel the cool fabric and smell the spicy cologne that had rubbed off from him. The quiet ruffling of Bucky mixed with the soothing scent and feel of the sheets, quickly put you into a sleepy state. Your eyes were hooded while they followed Bucky around the room as he readied himself for the upcoming mission. He began to hum to himself quietly, it was a song that he always played in the background whenever he was doing something. Everytime Bucky worked out, cooked, did his laundry, even when he was in the shower, that specific song would play. You hadn’t heard it until Bucky asked Friday to play the song during that first night he had helped you. 

“I like that song,” you mumble softly from your comfortable spot on the bed. 

Bucky looks up from his nearly packed duffle bag and meets your tired gaze, “If it helps you when I’m gone, just ask Friday to put my playlist on,” 

“M’kay” 

It only took a few more minutes for Bucky to finish packing and once he zipped his bag up in finality, he went straight for the bed. You had fallen into an extremely light sleep, light enough that when Bucky slid in next to you, your hands immediately grasped onto his shirt, fisting it tightly. Bucky slung his leg over both of yours as his arms looped around your torso. 

“Buck, can we just stay here?” you ask quietly, pushing your face into his chest and taking in a deep breath of his scent. 

“Anything, honey” he mumbles into your hair. 

“M’not close enough,” you whine out and try to get your body closer to his. 

Ever since the thought came up of not being able to even see Bucky for three days it felt like you were miles apart already, “Sweetheart, we really can’t get much closer,” he laughs lightly and tightens his hold on around your waist. 

“Your sweatshirt is too big... In the way n’stuff” you mumble, hands letting go of the soft material and traveling down to the hem. 

“Doll, what’re you-Whoa!” Bucky’s entire body shivers as your cold hands move up his bare torso as you try and lift the sweatshirt up his muscular form, “Y/n I don’t think-” “Bucky please... I need to be closer” you mutter, body beginning to flicker due to your upset state of mind. 

“Okay, kid. give me a second alright?” He says, sitting up and quickly removing the grey sweatshirt, leaving him in nothing but his black joggers. 

Bucky immediately goes back down to wrap himself around you and you instantly melt into the new feeling, “Better, doll?” 

“mhm,” 

“Good, you know I’d do anything for you,” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been six days since Steve and Bucky had left for that mission. That meant it had been three days after Steve and Bucky were meant to be back home. When the two super soldiers had first left the base, you weren’t too worried. The first day wasn’t too hard, the second was a little rough and super boring, by day three the only thing keeping you intact was the knowledge of Bucky’s return by the end of the night. And yet he didn’t show, nor did his best friend. Tony had told you it had probably just been travelling issues, bad weather. And yet on day five, there wasn’t any sign of their safety or return. That was the day you had an attack. It was a full-blown one and even though he tried, Tony couldn’t stop the exhausting amount of ‘blinking’ that happened throughout the four hours it took before you passed out. You had woken up 13 hours later in Bucky’s bed with a change of clothes laid out in front of you. Tony must have put them there. You smiled when lifting up the soft material, smelling Bucks spicy cologne. It didn’t take long before you were stripping off the wrinkled clothes from the day before and pulling the oversized sweatshirt down to cover the bare tops of your thighs.

“Mr. Stark has told me to inform you of Agent Barnes arrival, y/n”

Fridays words immediately sent shivers up your body as they drowned out the low beat of the song that played in the background. Your body began to flicker with nerves and excited, but panic quickly flooded your brain as you realized what was about to happen.

“Wait, no! No! No! I don’t have pants on!” Before you could get to the boxers that ensured proper coverage, your body popped out of sight.

You popped back up in the living room, all of Earths Mightiest Heroes gathered around to welcome back their friends. The momentum that was always gathered when you teleported sent you flying into the thing you were truly focused on the most.

“Whoa!” Bucky let out a surprised yelp as you flew into his hard frame, “hey kid,”

“Hi Buck,” you mumble out quietly as Bucky automatically picked you up, something that had become second nature to him.

His cold fingers, flesh and metal, wrapped around your bare thighs as he lifted you up to his waist and wrapped your legs around him, “how’d you do while I was gone?”

“Not good,” you reply shyly, quickly shoving your face into the crook of Bucky’s neck.

“A thunderstorm came two days ago, shook her up pretty bad,” Tony notes softly from a few feet away., “Couldn’t stop popping up everywhere for four hours,”

Your face heats up in embarrassment, body flickering lightly, “Tony tried to help but it didn’t work. ‘Was real awful,”

“M’sorry that happened doll, I would’ve been back sooner but the mission took longer than expected and there were some complications,” Bucky explains, flesh hand gently moving up the length of your thigh in a comforting motion, “sweetheart are you not wearing any pants,” he mumbles lowly into your ear.

“Got too excited about you being back and didn’t have time to put any on before I showed up,” you whine out, red in the face from the awfully awkward situation.

Bucky’s chuckle rumbled out from low in his chest as he thought about your situation. His metal hand went to grab the hem of the oversized sweatshirt and tug it down to cover your bottom and a small portion of your thighs. You couldn’t move your face from the spot between his shoulder and neck from sheer embarrassment as you heard the quiet laughs of everyone surrounding you and felt the familiar flicker that moved your body.

“It’s not like any of us haven’t walked around in our underwear before y/n, you’re perfectly fine,” Steve says, trying to dull the pain in your heart from how awkward you felt.

The super soldiers words didn’t help at all as you imagined how Bucky would look if he walked around in just his boxers.

Oh god....

The thought definitely made your body heat up even more (if that was possible) and the flickering become almost violent, “doll you’re okay, calm down,” Bucky mumbles, his warm breath fanning your ear.

A small whine escaped your lips, “I’m sorry Buck,”

“About wha-“ Before Bucky could finish his question, you blinked out of sight.

Your eyes were closed as you awaited the harsh feeling of hitting the floor. But, after a second or two, you realized your ass wasn’t going to become bruised from a harsh fall as you felt the strong grip of someone’s hands on your thighs.

“Whaaaat the fuck....” Bucky trails from above, eyes wide in confusion and surprised.

“How did you- did I take you with me?” You gasp out, eyes just as wide as Bucky’s as you stared at each other.

His hands tightly gripped your thighs as you both tried to comprehend what had just happened, “you didn’t know you could do that?” 

You shake your head silently, lips slightly parted and brain going a mile a minute. 

“Well, I guess that’s something to add to the list,” Bucky chuckles as he sits down on the bed, you in his lap.

“Do you feel okay?” you ask worriedly, hands going up to cradle either side of his face. 

“Yeah I’m alright lovie, just a little dizzy,” he answers, leaning into your touch. 

Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him, a happy smile on his face for being able to hold you again. A content sigh fell from your lips as you closed your eyes and focused on his lovely touch. 

“You wanna lay down honey?” he mumbles, pushing his face into your hair and breathing in the scent he had become so dependant on, “Missed you so much,” 

“Missed you too bubby,” you admit in a small voice, melting into the affectionate attention that Bucky was giving you. 

The cuddly assassin that held you close made the move to lay both of you onto the bed, but before getting comfortable, Bucky discards the white t-shirt that he had on and tossed it to the floor. This had become part of your daily routine after you had met Bucky. The two of you would always snuggle up together and watch movies or talk until you both fell asleep. You had become each others safety blankets and during the few days Bucky was gone, neither of you had slept very well. After Buck had laid back down, you automatically moved into the warmth of his chest while Bucky slung his leg over both of yours. He shifted to lay on his stomach, your small frame partially under his weight. The pressure brought you a sense of containment and comfort, and as Bucky nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, it was hard not to just fall asleep right away. You wrapped one of your arms around his neck, resting your hand on his back as the other one went into his hair. 

“So tired,” he grumbles sleepily, voice slightly muffled by the fluffy wall of your hair. 

“Me too, bubby” 

“Gonna have to figure out that two person teleporting thing later” Bucky states a bit suddenly. 

You puff out your lips grumpily “Okay, can we eat before though? I haven’t eaten in ages,” 

Bucky chuckles and moves his head to gently pat your head in admiration, “Anything for you, baby”

“Thank you Bub, don’t know what I would do without you,” 

“I’ll always be here for you, sweetheart. Basically my second half now,” you could feel him smile before he gently places an almost nonexistent kiss to the space right under your ear.

A light giggle escapes your lips from the small tickle his stubble left on your throat and angled yourself to face him. His eyes were drooping in sleep but they held a very pretty sparkle to them as he smiled up at you, crows feet that showed in the corner of his blue eyes making your heart skip a beat and your body flicker slightly, “You okay honey?” his eyebrows knit together in worry as soon as he saw the small reaction. 

“Yeah, I um... It was a good flicker this time,” you blush, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to stop the grin that threatened to break out. 

Bucky smiled widely at your comment and gently moved up a bit to be at your level. His metal hand came up to caress your cheek, the cool metal tips of his fingers feeling quite wonderful on your hot skin, “Sweetheart I really did miss you,” 

“I missed you too, B” 

------------------------------------

Here it is @k-n-e <3 

[donqwxx]

Takeaways from JC and A’Levels

Hello! I am from Singapore and I just completed my GCE A’Levels. It was a tough ride and these are just some things I would like to share with students who are going through junior college (JC) or a similar education journey. No doubt Tumblr has a strong ‘studyblr’ community, but I realised that many A’levels related posts are generally from the UK, which may not always be applicable for JC kids. These are some things I wished I had someone tell me when I was going through JC and I really hope that you can relate to something from this and feel less alone in your journey! 

1   Get a routine  

I was never a planner and I always work on tasks based on its priority and my mood. But over the course of preparing for A’levels, I found it very helpful to establish a set routine every day, especially during the months leading up to A’levels after graduation. Routines are basically a series of regularly followed actions and I find that it helps me to feel in control of my time, and to power through the day and stay motivated. My routine consisted of me waking up at a fixed timing of 7am every day, doing simple workouts for 30 minutes, having my breakfast and a shower before starting my revision at about 9am. This morning routine became a ritual for me and made it easier to motivate myself to sit at my desk and get work done instead of falling into the temptation of lazing on my bed for 30 minutes more. Find what works for you and once you instill the self-discipline to keep it going for the first few weeks, it will eventually become much easier to stick to it eventually.

2   Don’t lose momentum!!  

I believe that A’levels is similar to a marathon. Once you stop, it’s easy to lose your momentum and eventually your gears will turn rusty. In the months leading up to the A’levels, I had shifted my focus onto the subjects that I was weaker in and I paid less attention to Geography, which I felt I had generally mastered both the content and skills. And naturally, during the A’levels itself, I also spent more time on the subjects that were more imminent and neglected Geography, which was my last paper. Although I made sure to do at least 1 practice paper per week, I found myself unfamiliar with the content and trying to cram the heavy content in a few days was just too late. I felt that I underperformed for the paper as the content felt somewhat foreign to me, which was disappointing as I had worked so hard to master it before. Thus, it is extremely important to not neglect any of your subjects. Time is indeed tight, but it is important to continue to look through and revise the content of the subject regularly, no matter how confident you are in it. This is really important to not only keep your momentum but also boost your confidence for the paper! During our mock exams, my teacher told us that from our essays he could tell that some of us were losing our momentum already. This really shows how a loss in momentum can really show in your writing in the form of a lack of rigor, which highlights the importance of constantly revising and going through all of your subjects. I am not saying to not focus on the subjects you are weak in but to also make sure not to neglect any, even if it means just half an hour flipping through a particular set of notes. It is a difficult balancing act but try your best to do balance all your subjects and I believe it would really ensure you are at your best during the A’levels.

3   Don’t compare

I think this is the number 1 problem for many JC students, whether it is when we compare our grades or the opportunities we are awarded against our peers. In the fast-paced, competitive system, it is inevitable that we sometimes get trapped in these bouts of anxiousness that everyone seems to be doing so much better than we are. I clearly remember my first few Geography lectures and tutorials where I would just come out feeling so lost with so many question marks in my head and sometimes I would just burst into tears thinking that everyone else is coping so well and understanding everything while I did not pick up anything at all. However, with time, I realised that most of the time, whatever we tell ourselves in our heads is often more exaggerated and extreme than reality. You are definitely not the only one struggling and lagging behind, and most of the time, it’s just that people do not show their struggles on their faces. By comparing yourself with someone else, you are equating someone else’s strengths with your own weakness and obviously, that is not a fair comparison. Acknowledge your strengths and the efforts you are taking to improve yourself. A quote that personally helped to frame my mindset is this: “My best, my 100% might be someone else’s 80%... or 60%... or 40% but it’s my best and it’s good enough. And that’s what matters.” Getting caught in a never-ending race of trying to outbid others will only cause you to lose sight of what is truly important to you and who you are. This was something I had learnt the hard way as I lost much of my self-esteem because I just felt that I was never good enough. But the truth is, none of us are and as long as we strive to grow each day to become better, it’s enough. You are enough.

4   Be kind to yourself, give yourself the rightful credit

This is never easy to do and I struggled with this for many years and I am still trying to become better at it. Every single human being makes mistakes, including you. Don’t beat yourself over an answer that you could have written better or that careless mistake you made during a math paper. Yes, you screwed up but so what? Don’t discount all the times when you persevered and spent hours trying to understand that particular topic. Failure is not always a bad thing. Think about it, it is because of all the times when you fell that you picked yourself up and became stronger. Failing is an unavoidable experience of growth, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t equate taking responsibility to taking the blame for everything. Many times when something goes wrong, I always tend to take the blame even when it is not my fault or something that I can control, and most of the time, I do not even recognise this. This made me learn that overly-blaming yourself will only continue to hurt your confidence. Recognise that some things are out of your control and that not every outcome is because of something you said or did. Some decisions are primarily the responsibility of others. Be mindful of what constitutes your responsibilities. Part of attaining self-love is learning to set your own personal boundaries and making it clear to the people you love about these lines. One such personal boundary that I drew was to set aside the time I take to travel on public transport to and fro school as a time for myself to reflect and be alone. However, unlike all my previous failed attempts at self-care, this time I learnt to speak up and to let my friends know of this personal boundary of mine so that they respect it and do not cross the boundary. This helped to boost my self-respect and confidence greatly as I learnt to mark my own boundaries and convey it to others. 

5   Burn-outs

Burnouts occur in different periods of time for different people. I experienced my first burnout in my 2nd year of JC and it happened at a time when I was overwhelmed by my commitments in extra-curricular activities and my academics and I also fell into the trap of comparing myself to others. I felt sleepy all the time, I did not want to get up and the thought of giving up was a constant in my mind. It was a very trying time for me as I felt the need to have to go on with my everyday life as if nothing was happening. However, it is important to recognise that it is a way your body is alerting you that you are exhausted. Listen to your body, do not force yourself to “snap out of it” or feel guilty about not being as productive. Burnouts reflect a state of our mental health, and it takes time to recover from one. Many of my friends, including myself, started to burn out in the second to the third week of A’levels as well. The exams stretch for 1 whole month and there are hardly any breaks after the mid-year exams as you engage in a cycle of constant revision, prelim exams and finally the A’levels. Hence, I can’t stress the importance of pacing yourself enough. Make it a priority to schedule breaks and to allow yourself to rest. For example, if you find yourself less productive at night, stop work at 9 and just do whatever you want till your bedtime. I made it a point to sleep at least 7 hours every night leading up to A’levels. Not only did it helped to regulate my stress, but it also allowed me to be more awake and productive during the day! Many people feel guilty for sleeping early because their friends burn the midnight oil or because they tell themselves they have to make better use of the time. But I strongly believe that everybody works differently. Find out what sleep schedule works for you and stick to it. After all, you are the one who is accountable for yourself, not them. Other than plenty of rest, what helped me out of my burn out was reading and listening to other people’s stories. These 3 sources really helped me to feel less alone in my stuggle: 1, 2, 3.  It is also important to discover the cause of your burnout as this can help you to tackle the problem at its root. Take time off school if you need to and reflect on the stressors in your life. Engage in activities that you enjoy and give yourself time to recover. Don’t suffer alone, talk to others about it. It is okay to ask for help, you don’t have to do everything alone. I had decided to talk to my family members about it and contrary to what I expected, I received heartfelt advice from my siblings who had gone through similar experiences before. Talk to someone who you are comfortable with about your feelings. It can be daunting but sometimes, it enables to open your heart and mind and discover perspectives you have never seen before. Recovering from burnout can take a very long time and it is normal. Don’t push yourself to feel 100% every single day, listen to your emotions and prioritise yourself. Afterall, your health is the most important. 

6   Actively reach out to your support system

One of my biggest regrets in JC was failing to recognise that I could ask for help. I was always hard on myself and I felt that at 18, I had to be independent and mature and do everything alone. I shamed myself when I asked for help. When I was on the verge to talk to someone about my problems, I was always held back by the thought that I would be a burden to my friends or family, especially since they are having their own struggles as well. I felt like I would just be adding on to their problems and no one would be genuinely interested in what I had to say. This made me feel unimportant and lonely. It was as if I was in a dark pit alone with no way out. As if my screams were in a different frequency that cannot be heard by anyone else. However, my sister taught me that there would always be people willing to listen to me and to be there for me. It was difficult for me to believe it at first, but once I started to open myself up to others and allowed them to be there for me and enter my life, I felt so much more secure and loved. I learnt that the person who is responsible for building my own support system is no other than myself. Nobody can read my mind. If I do not express my thoughts, how do I expect others to be there for me? That said, not everyone here reading this post may be good at expressing their feelings. However, talking is merely just one of those ways. Find your way to let your family or friends know that you need their support and company. This could be certain physical cues or even through writing. I can comfortably say that JC was one of the loneliest periods in my life. It can sometimes feel that the world is revolving regardless of how you are doing and you are trapped in so much action around you but you have so little involvement in them. Therefore, I cannot stress how important it is to establish a support system for yourself, no matter if you are someone who needs a lot of affirmations or not. Be proactive in searching for people to support you in your journey and likewise, be there for them when they need you. 

7   Forgive yourself and move on

After my economics paper 1, I felt extremely dejected because I did not perform as well as I wanted to. My time management was poor and there were questions that I did not understand. I was disappointed and angry with myself. I blamed myself as I felt that all the efforts that I had put in in the past 1.5 years would just go down the drain. I cried for an entire afternoon and I was so disheartened to the point where I just wanted to give up and not take the other papers. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that there is no point in crying over spilt milk and to let it go. My point is, it is okay to feel sad, angry or whatever emotions you have, but it is important to let it go. Sometimes, emotions are just chains locking people down, and dwelling in them only makes one feel worse. I had allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and to wish that I had done better. But these are things I cannot change. Regardless of the outcome, if you had done your best in that instant, you did well and you deserve to tell yourself that. Yes, you made some mistakes but so what? Despite it not being able to fulfill your expectations, your best is all you can do, no one can do more than that. My teacher had said this once: “Never indulge in your feelings, be it emotions of joy or sadness. We feel, pack it up, remember and move forward. Don’t live in past glories and don’t live in past regrets.” Give yourself some time to internalise your emotions and organise them. Acknowledge your efforts and forgive yourself. Move on, allow yourself to breathe. I once watched a video and an analogy that they used has since been held close in my heart. It said a rocket has many little fuel tanks that it carries with it that brings it to the sky. But once it is in the sky, it has to drop it all so that it can continue with its journey. Likewise, this applies to the bad things that happen in our lives. It spurs you on and helps you grow and then you just need to let them go so that you can move further. 

8   Your life is not just about studying.

Your life is more than just those notes and exams, there are so many opportunities awaiting you and so many meaningful things around you. While our main responsibility as students is to study hard, it is important to find life out of the books. I read an article recently and it puts my point across very nicely: “Our education system is built on the idea of merit, so people ... equate merit with performance in exams”. We allow our academic performance to influence how we feel about ourselves, our sense of self-worth and confidence. It is important to find your worth outside of the affirmations of others when you do well academically, or else it is easy to fall into the belief that you are nothing but a grade-making machine. After my A’levels ended, I felt a low in my life as I had dedicated so much of my life to studying that I lost my purpose and I felt worthless because I was no longer being “productive”. I forgot how to enjoy myself and to have fun, and this made me realise that I had indeed lost myself in trying to meet my own expectations academically. I cooped myself at home for months and the only time I left the house was to the library or school to study. Make it a point to engage in your hobbies, do not put it off just because you feel that it is a waste of time or that you feel pressured to study. It is difficult to see it now because you might be caught in the frenzy of studying, but when you look from a wider perspective, your academic journey is only such a small part of your life. There are more permanent things that you carry throughout your life, like your relationships with people, social skills that will continue to shape you as a person. Dedicate time for these important things and I can assure you that you will not regret it.

9   Find joy in learning

At some point in JC, I found that I lost my joy for learning and I was instead trying to memorise all the information in my head without trying to understand it. I was only studying just for the exams rather than to develop my critical thinking skills and my knowledge. Studying got very painful and I lost interest in many of my subjects, even those that I liked initially. When I realised this problem in the middle of JC2, I made it a point to relook at all of my study material and to slowly go through everything to try to genuinely understand them. It took a long time but this helped to spark my interest again as the content was no longer as dry as before. Blind memorisation may seem to be a shortcut and an effective way to ace the exams, but for me, I found it difficult to apply any of the concepts as I did not know how to adapt them to the questions. There is a difference between learning and studying. Be mindful to sieve out whether you are learning or purely just doing it for the exams.

10   Tough times will pass

For me, the JC experience was so tough that it is indescribable in words. The best way I can put my experience is that it is like a rollercoaster ride, except that everything is perpetually going downhill. Of course, there have been good days, but there has been a fair share of difficult days. It is extremely demanding to have to learn this giant chunk of content in only 1.5 years and the commitment for extra-curricular activities will undeniably drain you. It may be unbearable at times and you might feel that you want to give up. I have also gone through these moments in my life but I can confidently tell you that you are stronger than you believe and you will overcome them. Think about all the times when you felt so small and vulnerable, but in the end, you managed to get through them and now the painful experience is only just a speck of your memory and it no longer hurts you as much as before. Likewise, you will be able to overcome whatever struggles that come in your way. I read the book ‘The Last Lecture’ and there was a line that said “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” All the struggles and heartaches will only bring you closer to your dreams. It will teach you lessons, grow you to become stronger and equip you with more wisdom to tackle other challenges in the future. This was a song that comforted me through many of my bad days and I hope it can also bring you some strength to continue to push on: https://youtu.be/4KdUGnowXS0 You will be okay, this soon shall pass. The storms may be tough but the sun will shine again. It will get better! Don’t give up!

While you are caught in your endless to-do list, never forget you are human. I mean these 3 things- resting, making mistakes and feeling. Make time for play and rest, for development. As we grow up, there will be new emotions we would be experiencing for the first time. These eventually will make up who we are as a person which we will carry throughout our lives, so invest time into these things as well.

I know how tough JC is. You may feel that you will never see the end of the tunnel but as long as you are taking small, new steps every single day, you’ll make it. Take challenges, fight. Even if you get beaten up, live your life how you want okay? This is our youth and we will only live it once. Leave no regrets and chase your dreams! Lastly, let me leave a youtube video from one of the artists I admire very much, there were many meaningful messages I got out of the interview and I hope you will too! 

Thank you for reading this, no matter whether you are studying in JC or not, I hope this has been helpful! Hang on and your hard work will pay off! Believe in yourself!

[uniqueimagines]

Being Cared For pt.3

Paring: Sweet Pea  Reader

Requested: Kinda

Description: You and Sweet Pea finally have a late night talk after you have a nightmare and the net day it almost seems as if you are living a nightmare.

Warnings: None?

Word count: 1846

Series Part Links: Part 1, Part 2

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“You can’t rush into this Pea. Her ex just beat her and left yesterday…” Fangs warns and you can feel Pea nod again, “I know. Trust me, I’ve waited this long… I just worry she will fall for someone else instead of me…”  Pea continues to run his fingers through your hair and sighs. The boys are both silent for a few moments and the quiet voices of the tv drone on until you finally fall asleep. It was only around 1pm when you finally fell asleep but Pea had the drapes drawn so most the light was kept out and you could sleep.

Around 3pm you begin to have a nightmare and your body begins shaking. Fangs was still there and notices you shaking as you are still in Pea’s lap. Both the boys look down at you concerned and Sweet Pea rubs your back again hoping it is enough to calm you for your nightmare. Unfortunately this one is much worse and you believe you are being choked. While still asleep you begin to scratch at your throat as if trying to pry someone’s hands away. Pea immediately grabs your hands and gently shakes you, “Y/N… Y/N/N!” You clench your fists around Pea’s hands aggressively digging your nails into his hand breaking skin and scream as you wake up. Pea doesn't seem to notice the pain in his hands as your nails dug in.

“Shh you’re okay it’s okay nobody is hurting you I’m here…” Pea pulls you back into his chest as you hyperventilate still recovering from the nightmare. Fangs gives Pea a concerned and curious look as you curl up tighter into Sweet Pea’s body. “I’m gonna head out now. I hope you feel better Y/N. If you need anything feel free to let me know.” Fangs gets up leaving without another word still watching Pea as he holds you close.

Sweet Pea holds you silently until you fall asleep again. You sleep the rest of the day the next time you wake up it’s nearly midnight and you and Pea were now in his room. You slowly sit up to be sure to not wake up Sweet Pea. You look down at Sweet Pea, he is lying outside the covers as it was a bit warm in the room and he was just wearing a pair of basketball shorts. You get a bit of butterflies in your stomach again as you look down at Pea the little light that comes through the blinds glowing against his bare chest and face. You look down on him for a few minutes thinking about the conversation you heard between him and Fangs and everything that had happened in the last 24 hours or so.

After a bit you slowly slide off the bed and tiptoe to the bathroom. You carefully pull off your shirt and stand staring into the mirror at the large bruise on your ribs. You clench your jaw tracing your fingers over the bruises on your cheeks and then your ribs. Shaking your head you pull your shirt back on and tiptoe back into the bedroom. You leave the door cracked to let some air circulate through the house and crawl back onto the bed. When the bed shifts under your weight you didn’t realize but you woke up Sweet Pea. You curl up against his body and pressing your head to his chest gently tracing figure eights on his abdomen and whisper, “I don’t know why you want to be with me… I’m ugly and weak and broken…”

“You are beautiful, resilient, and have been hurt. You are the best person I have ever met and I have wanted to be with you since we were 13. I saw how strong you were dealing with all that life had put you through. Why do you think I haven’t been with anyone for longer than a few weeks? I’ve tried getting over you Y/N but I couldn’t give up before knowing if you felt the same way.” You lay still as your heart races listening to Sweet Pea speak. You pull back from his body and look up at him, “Pea… I want this but can we take it slow and I don’t want to tell everyone. At least not yet… Is that okay?” Sweet Pea chuckles lightly and smirks down at you, “I am fine with whatever you want whenever you want but I doubt we can hide it from Fangs. He already is a bit suspicious.”

“I’ll deal with him tomorrow after work for now all I want is this…” you lean up pressing your lips to Pea’s as you press your hands flat against his chest. Pea kisses you back gently holding your hips. After a moment you pull away and curl up against his chest. “I have to work a 10 hour shift tomorrow starting early. I need to get some more sleep.” “Of course baby.” Pea holds you as the two of you fall asleep.

You wake up later that morning. You work every Monday through Thursday 10 hours at Pop’s and every Monday Wednesday Friday for 4 hours in the evening at the Wyrm.  It was Tuesday morning and you groan rubbing your eyes up 15 minutes before your alarm. It hurts to take a deep breath due to your bruised ribs but other than that you feel fairly good. Sweet Pea was laying with his head on your chest hugging your body protectively still fast asleep. You smile happily down at him and run your fingers through his hair and his eyes flutter open. “Morning Princess.” Pea says his voice sleepy and raspy.

“I’ve gotta take a shower and get ready.” You kiss his forehead and go to the bathroom taking a quick shower and coming out in just a towel 20 minute later. Pea had fallen back asleep and you quickly get dressed throwing your hair up in a ponytail. You write a note telling Sweets you will be off at 4:30 and asking if he will pick you up. Since you go up so early you had extra tie and decided to walk to work. It’s extremely quiet and still dark outside and you make it to Pop’s early. You clock on changing into your uniform and sitting behind the counter. It was always extremely slow on weekday mornings and it was just you and Pop. He gave you a small smile knowing you wouldn’t want to be asked about the bruises on your face.

It’s really slow up until 11am and a couple groups of Serpents and others come in. Fangs comes in with a couple of his male Serpent friends that you didn’t know the names of. Before he sits down you nod your head for him to come over to the register where you stand. When he stands close enough you can speak without anyone else hearing you explain, “So I just wanted to let you know now me and Pea are kinda a thing… I don’t wanna talk about it and I wanna keep it quiet for now can you please not tell anyone until I’m ready… I just left my ex less than a day and a half ago..” Fangs chuckles lightly and gives you a small smile, “Of course I’ll keep it quiet. I’m happy the two of you are finally together.” “Thank you” you walk with him to the table and take all of their orders.

The day was going extremely well and Sweets had texted you letting you know he can pick you up after work and he is just helping set up the Wyrm and to call him if you need anything. Fangs and his friends were still hanging out when you hear the bell above the door ring. You were standing beside Fang’s booth when you turn and see your ex standing in the doorway. Your heart begin to race and your body is paralyzed. You begin to stutter, “F-F-Fangs…” Fangs turns to look where you are staring and sees your ex coming towards you. “Ex?” He asks and you nod your head violently unable to speak or move your feet to run away.

Fangs jumps up in front of you and yells at the other two Serpents he is sitting with, “Get that guy out of here and make sure he never comes back!” At this point you are hyperventilating and you collapse to the ground but Fangs catches you gently helping you to sit. You begin scratching at your neck again like you did in your nightmare and Fangs grabs your hands stopping you. He holds your hands away from your neck and uses his other to pull out his phone calling Pea, “Sweets get down here right now! He came back.” Sweet Pea doesn’t say a word hanging up and immediately running out of the bar and jumping on his bike speeding to you.

Sweet Pea comes running in the door less than 5 minutes later and Fangs knew he went well beyond the speed limit to get here. You were still sitting on the floor hyperventilating and shaking trying to fight Fangs hands as he held you back from scratching your skin. Pea drops to his knees in front of you taking your hands from Fangs and gently rubbing them, “Shh I’m here your okay. He is gone.” Your eyes moved from their fixed point on the floor to Pea as he spoke and you wrapped your arms around his neck holding him tight. Pea picks you up and begins to carry you to the break room and Pop holds the door open for him.

Pea holds you in his lap sitting on the small couch in the break room for 10 minutes as your breathing calms. You finally pull back and ask, “Is he gone?” Pea looks down at you and nods, “The boys took him out of town and made it clear if he ever came back here he would be dead. You will never have to see him again.” You nod slowly, “Why would they do that for me? I’m not a Serpent. I’m nobody. They don’t even know me.” Pea gives you a small smile and rubs your back, “You may not be an official Serpent but you grew up with us. You are basically Toni’s sister and Fangs told them to, you are one of us. Official or not you are part of the family.” You stand off his lap, “I need to get back to work now. Thank you for helping me. Also can we invite Toni over tonight. You’re right she is my sister and I need to tell her about all this.” “Of course. I will go call her now. I’m gonna hang out till you’re off just in case you need something.” Sweet Pea gives you a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room to call Toni. You go back to work and you and everyone else pretended like nothing ever happened.

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