#i am writing this as it is working on actively not beating myself up on Being Disabled

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

[thealexandriaarchives]

TFW you get a message from a friend you haven't heard from in a few years but your life is insane and you're terrible at keeping up at replying to things while trying to juggle fires, and you look up from a work meeting to see a discord message saying 'i saw your post passive aggressive vaguing about me, I don't have time for people who can't communicate open and honestly', you're already blocked on all channels, and you have to scroll through your Tumblr to figure out what the hell they were possibly referring to until you find this innocuous post you fast reblogged along with 5 others on a caffeine break

Wish there was a better social shorthand for “I’m sure they’re a lovely person in their own way but we are so baseline incompatible that being around them longer than five minutes makes me feel like exploding into smithereens.”

[muletia]

Love you're optimus stories! So here is one

Optimus picks up (Y/N) from work/school and finds then hurt. I mean dried blood coming from their noise, a black eye, and a bandage around their chin.

Turns out some asshole tried to rob them bit they beat the asshole up with getting hurt themselves.

While optimus do somthing or just comfort (Y/N)?

hello and thank you! sorry this took a while to answer but your honor, i am just silly

you've touched on a very interesting topic here, one that i wanted to write about earlier. there's a reason why i don't call my obsessed!optimus a yandere and don't think he fits into that character archetype. and i know the topic of yandere is very fluid and can be interpreted in endless ways, but the main shtick of my interpretation doesn't differ much from the canon version of optimus. i mean: i’d rather hurt myself than others. the only difference is that i’ve gave him an unhealthy and self-destructive love for the reader (and made him a bit horny).

in the situation you described, optimus would be terrified at the sight of you and would instantly want to take you to ratchet/june, but he wouldn't actively look for the perpetrator or want to hurt them out of revenge, because you already dealt it yourself. however, after that incident, he would definitely become more overprotective, at least until you're fully recovered. he would spend much more time in your company, offer rides to work, and treat you even more gently — if that’s even possible.

and yes, i know that in one of my replies i wrote that optimus would go apeshit if some vehicon hurt you, but only because it was a direct, visible incident that flipped a feral switch in his processor, screaming that he must protect you at all costs. he saw with his own optics how you got hurt, and his anger doesn’t stem solely from the fact that you’re suffering, but also from his failure to prevent you from getting hurt. you were right there with him, he was watching over you closely, and yet he failed — he didn’t keep the promise he made to you and your planet. and he hates himself for it because he knows he should take better care of you. in the above scenario, he’s not a direct witness, so it would end with just comforting you.

[ambrosiagoldfish]

i’m going a teensy bit feral reading your adam x third spouse story so i guess im just asking for part five and for it to hopefully have focus on dad beat dad and how lucifer would react to seeing the reader again after so long and like what would happen n stuff 🤭🤭 ofc if this is dumb ignore it i like what you’re doing with the story already !! the part im most excited for is the finale tbh but there’s a lot of time in between what you have rn and then so i’m just yapping abt stuff that could be cool in between. thsi is so jumbled omg sorry i just wanna see more of your writing it’s so good

idk how to end this uhh i love you bye 🫡

Benefit of the doubt PT.5

Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader

Warnings: GN! Reader, confronting the past, next to no Adam (I know, sad, but it’s for the plot), Reader focused chapter, this is set during ‘Dad Beat Dad’, swearing, the next 2 chapters will have a LOT more Adam DW ❤️❤️

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Request Box: OPEN

Word count: 4322

A/n: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the support on all the other chapters. It’s been 8-ish months since the last update and for that I want to apologize. I’ll save it for its own dedicated post to not full int his page too much. But if you’ve saw one of my post from the other day, I have posted this on A03 and I’m giving myself 8 total parts. 7 will be the finale and 8 will be an epilogue styled thing (not even sure if I’m wanting to do it so when we get there, you guys can tell me if you want it!! ) so yeah, enough rambling, you’ve all been waiting so long for the next part so here you go!! <3

Reblogs are VERY appreciated!

(My posts have been flopping so much, I would love you forever if you did 😭)

Old memories have a habit of slithering their way back into a person's mind, and even sometimes, people

The first few months at fhe hotel were a lot more enjoyable than you originally expected. Most days went relatively the same, Charlie would choose an activity to do and you would observe the progress they made.

At first, progress hadn't shown much promise but as everyone grew closer, things began to look up. Angel had gone clean with his drug abuse and was distancing himself from his line of work. Sir Pentious started to actually trust the people around him and has done no major constructional damage to any buildings as of late.

Everything was going so smoothly that, when you had woken up one morning to the sounds of screaming, running, and just general chaos. You thought everything was finaly going into the ground.

You quickly run down to the lobby, thoughts of what could be happening run through you. Did one of Pentious experiments fail and explode? Were we being attacked by one of the many gangs in town? Did Alastor decide the hotel was actually boring and started destroying it, starting with the occupants? Whatever it was, you hurry faster to the lobby.

But what was meeting you there was… unexpected to say the least. Party streamers, banners, cookies. It looked like some kind of welcome party heaven would do, albeit with less flare and taste in decor. A banner that read ‘Wellcum Daddy’ was being hung up by Razzle and Dazzle, everyone was either cleaning or baking something, and Vaggie seemed to be ordering them around.

You look at the clock, huh, it’s way too early for any kind of Charlie’s trust exercises. Not to mention, she would have told you about the curriculum and there was absolutely not a 10 AM home-EC class listed on your schedule.

You quickly run up to Charlie who seemed to be preoccupied with helping Vaggie put something up “Charlie, what’s going on?” You tap on her shoulder, She jumps a bit before just realizing it’s you,

”Oh- Y/N, I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to get you!” She apologizes when Vaggie pops in,

“Don’t be, I told Nifty to go wake you up, but looks like she had better things to do” she points over at Niffty swifty stabbing bugs and removing cobwebs out of habit

“It’s fine, just… what’s everyone doing, what’s with all the party supplies and sweets?” You say, arms to the festive lobby around you.

“Oh well…” she took a deep breath “you know that The deadline is fast approaching and while we’ve made progress it’s not much” she paused, trying to even brace herself for what’s coming out of her mouth, “I have asked… my dad to come over and hopefully get us a meeting with heaven” she stops, completely caved in on herself.

“Wait, so… your dad is coming here?” you thought about the times she had asked you to get them a meeting with heaven but you had already explained to her that it would be next to impossible for someone like you. You had to practically beg just to monitor the hotel

Charlie Picked herself back up and looked at you with a shakey demeanor, “Yeah In about… 55 minutes”

You blink a few times before giving a small chuckle “Well, would you look at the date! I think it’s time I used my 1-per-month trip back home! If you’ll excuse me-“

“Wait! No-“ she trips over herself “We need you here, if dad can see, not only the progress we’ve made, but also that we already have an angel supporter, there’s no way he could say no!”

“Charlie, I don’t think it’s a good idea-”

“PleasePleasePlease! I will pay you back, promise! But I- we could really use you there!” Her eyes looked at you, similar to a puppy. She hands clasped together In plea.

You looked away in thought. Seeing him again was the last thing you wanted to do at this moment, any moment for that matter. The last time…well to be honest, the whole exchange hadn’t meant anything to you in quite a while. He could say whatever he wanted about you… it was the words he had to say about Adam that kept your heart ablaze in anger at the Morningstar.

Trash? He should really look in the mirror before saying that about your Adam. But… this could be a good opportunity for the hotel -as much as it pained you to admit- You can only sigh, “fine.. for the hotel…” You let out a small chuckle raising your arm in defeat.

Charlie jumped up and down with glee, repeating a matra of ‘Thank You’s’ before continuing “I get it might be difficult since you’re an Angel.” She tries to give some comfort. But that caught your attention.

“Because I’m an Angel?” You honestly didn’t mean to say it out loud but it came out as a question.

She looks at you confused “yeah, you know, considering I don’t think angels have too kind of thoughts to my dad for being… the devil” she laughs nervously

Oh. Oh. So that’s what she means. So she doesn’t know about your past with him? Not too much a surprise, I doubt Lucifer would bring up any of his failures. But that also made you realize one other thing. Charlie doesn’t know about your marriage with Adam.

Look, you didn’t mean to keep it a secret. In fact you had already assumed they knew. I mean you were sitting literally right next to him and Vaggie already knew who you were. You just thought she would have told Charlie, but knowing this now… it may be best to keep it a secret.

You let out a quick “I understand.” and with that, you all went your separate ways, you did contribute to the decor the best you could, as well as helping Sir Pentious and Nifty with the baking until finally, it was time for Charlie’s dad to arrive.

You walked over to a more remote place in the hotel lobby, look… you may have to interact with him today but you will not be doing it that soon. Instead, you decided your best choice of action was to sit and watch quietly until Charlie decided it was time for you two to meet. And in the meantime, you can mentally brace yourself.

Charlie sighs deeply “Okay everybody, it’s showtime!”

With that she swings the door open revealing the one, the only (thank Father) king of hell himself, Lucifer. Immediately Lucifer pulls his, obviously nervous daughter into his arms. He greets her with excitement before moving on to Keekee, and eventually Razzle and Dazzle.

He eyes the room, clearly covering up any distain for the hotels “character” to protect Charlie’s feelings. At least until he got to the bar which even he couldn’t lie his way through.

Even from the distant view you were from, you could see Alastor and Lucifer weren't going to be the best of buds anytime soon. As soon as they were introduced to one another they immediately got into it. Huh, at least now you have something in common with Alastor at least! If that’s even a good thing.

Their quarrel lasted a few minutes, everyone either waiting for it to be over, completely ignoring it, or enjoying it as entertainment. It lasted what felt like an eternity and was only interrupted when a short and plump woman by the name of ‘Mimzy’ came into the scene.

The old time-y dressed woman was one of Alastor’s friends, you honestly didn’t think he had those but you digress. Eventually once the commotion dies down, you see Charlie give you a nervous smile and wave for you, ‘that’s my cue’ you thought. Anxiety still felt taught in your heart but still you pushed through.

You walk out of your hiding spot, walking up to be next to Charlie. Still trying to keep your presence hidden for as long as you could, savoring those last few moments of peace before a wave of interactions.

Charlie clears her throat and puts on a more professional demeanor despite her nervousness, getting the attention from her dad, “And last but certainly not least, i’d like you to meet our Angelic sponsor-“

“Y/N!?-“ the fallen Angel suddenly started coughing, clearly having choked on his own words. He clears his throat “Sorry! I just wasn’t expecting… you to be here” he lets out a chuckle.

“You guys know each other!?” Charlie looked shocked, her voice pitching up in bewilderment.

“We’ve… met before,.” Your voice was low, But still you pushed through “Though, it’s hardly relevant to anything of importance now. Isn’t that right, Morningstar?”

Lucifer's face contorted into an uncomfortable shaky smile, fingertips digging into his Apple-shaped cane. Perhaps he felt some type of remorse for the way things happened back all those years ago, but even if that’s true, you had no plans to forgive him.

He clears his throat “Yes it’s- unimportant Sweetie.. “

You 3 stand in awkward silence for a moment, all you can do is glare daggers at the short ex-Angel in front of you. Eventually though, you couldn’t stand the scilence any longer, “Well Charlie, I have to get something done in my room and I’ll be back to help with the tour in a few minutes, if that’s ok?”

Charlie looked like she wanted to protest, for you to stay with her through the tour, but she knew you wouldn’t just leave and not come back. “Um, yeah that’s fine! Me and Alastor can get the tour started and you can meet us around the 4th floor?”

You gave a quick nod as agreement and make your way to your room. Sighing, you flop down on your bed, feeling the soft warmth as you sink into comfort. Pulling out your phone, you quickly typing a text to Adam but your thumb simply hovered over the send button, anxiety washing over you. Your message was simple,

‘I promise that everything’s ok, but he’s here’’

You were hesitating, should you even tell him that he's here? You didn’t want to worry him over something so insignificant. He has a show tonight, he wouldn’t be at his best if he was constantly thinking you would be in the same room as the devil.

Or even worse, he could just cancel the show completely and march down here and a cause a ruckus which at best would completely destroy the Hotel’s plans and at worse… No, you can’t think of that.

You look at the message again before just setting your phone on your nightstand. 10 minutes… that’s all you need before you go back out there…

…Lucifer was having… let’s just say a tinsy bit of a bad day. Not only has he been forced to interact with that insufferable yellow-toothed sinner but also, he has been reunited with someone he hadn’t seen in a millenia, you.

The anxiety of the day was only topped off with the added stress of being with his daughter. Don’t get him wrong, he LOVES his daughter and is always happy to see her, but the way she talks and acts with these sinners… Ugh, it reminds him too much of himself back in the day.

Her hotel too… He may have given her the place but he never gave it much thought beyond it being a pipe dream for her. He was just trying to do something for his daughter, especially with… Lilith being out of the picture. He just wanted to cheer her up, and unfortunately it seems ‘grandiose plans’ run in the family.

Even now as Charlie and that Red haired Buck show him around, Charlie explains excitedly about different things they have at the hotel. It reminds Lucifer about how she was when she was little, that glow of joy never seemed to fade away from her despite the conditions she lives in.

But even still, as much as he’s trying not to zone out and actually listen to his daughters rambles, his mind keeps trailing back to one, singular thought. You.

What were you doing here? He knows you were there to ‘support the hotel’ as Charlie puts it. But this is the absolute first he’s hearing about it. Why wouldn’t heaven tell him that another Angel was down here, let alone, you most of all. The last time he saw you was… not the best first meeting

Were you here in secret? You clearly weren't fallen, considering you still had your halo and you didn’t look like you’ve been damaged anywhere close to what you’d be if you had fallen. Not to mention… Adam, the exterminations were his idea so why would you even consider an alternative when you are his-

“Uh, Dad?” Charlie interrupted Lucifer’s thoughts, a look of worry on her face. ”You’ve got a little bit of… horn? Sticking out”

Lucifer looks up and sees that he’s subconsciously beginning to phase into his full demon form. He quickly takes his hand and pats the horns as if he was just dusting off his coat, causing the horns to seem to fade away like dust. Wow, today really seems to be getting to him.

“Ah sorry Sweetie, it’s nothing just… uh..” He thinks for a moment, he has to talk to you alone, just for a second. “*Ahem* I was just realizing I had to… use the bathroom, I seem to have had one too many drinks on the way here. Can you tell me where the… bathroom is?” He lets out a chuckle to hopefully cover his lie.

“Oh, it’s just down the hall and to the right, I can take you there-“

Lucifer quickly lets out a loud ”No!“ Before clearing his through again “I can get there on my own, just wait here and I’ll be back!”

Before Charlie can even answer, Lucifer rushes through the halls of the hotel, yelling a ‘I’ll be back soon’ to his Daughter before turning the corner. He lets out a deep breath as he lays out the plan in his head. Figure out why you’re here, and get back to Charlie as fast as inhumanly possible.

Picking his feet up again, he makes his way to the lobby of the hotel, he looks around for a moment before spotting the check in desk. ‘They usually keep visitor information there, right?’

He quickly scours the desk, looking for any forms or documents that have your room number, before finally setting his eyes on your room number. It didn’t take long to find you seeing as there were such few occupants in the hotel.

He memorized your room and repeated it to himself while walking to your door. Past the first, 2nd, then finally, halfway through the hallway on the 3rd floor he finds it. Before he can knock, a sudden wave of worry floods his senses. Seriously, Why would he hesitate now?!

He shuffled around nervously, starting to doubt this little mission of his. Should he really be doing this? Is he really worried about you being here or is the real reason he came here because he wanted to… apologize to you? It’s true that the guilt of what happened all those years ago was still there. But… Digging up old memories just because he’s selfish and wants to apologize to you? He takes a deep breath.

He had to make things better or… at least get some things off his chest. So, with a heavy fist and an even heavier heart, he gently knocks on the hard wooden door…

This had been the longest 10 minutes of your life, trying to decide wether to send Adam the message, or to even return to tour with Charlie at all. As much as it pains you to say, you still become anxiety ridden when he’s in the room or even the mere mention of him. That spark of defiance you had in the lobby earlier being nothing but a small bit of courage. But you remembered that you had promised Charlie you’d be there for her, and you certainly weren’t one to take back a promise.

Before you could decide what to do, you hear an ever so faint knock on your door. Curiosity peaked, You thought Charlie was supposed to be waiting for you on the 4th floor? Had you taken too long and the tour went south? You quickly made your way to the door and hoped you wouldn’t see a very angry Charlie on the other side.

As the wooden-door creaked open, your face slowly turned bitter at The short, impish man who stood on the other side. Lucifer Morningstar. To be honest, you much would have preferred the angry Charlie, TWO very angry Charlies over this.

The man shuffled awkwardly in place, gripping his cane. Neither of you could break the silence . He avoided any eye-contact with you and even you couldn’t hide The disgusted expression on your face when looking at him. Finally after what feels like 3x the eternity you’ve lived thus far, you spoke In shaky words, ”What do you want?”

Lucifer pushed out his words as well as he could, meek they were, but you understood what he said “Can we please…talk?”

Your fingers gripped at the door, nails embedding into the wood, leaving scratches. It took all you had not to slam the door right in his face, but even if you had, it wouldn’t have solved any pressing issues. If anything, it might make him against Charlie’s idea with the hotel, which you couldn’t afford. You take a deep breath before letting out a quick but unsavory,

“5 minutes”

The short demon shuffles his way into the room as you follow in behind him, locking the door to prevent someone like Nifty or Charlie from walking in. Lucifer stands timidly by your nightstand as you stand on the complete opposite side of the room, facing him. Lucifer runs his neck as he lets out a shaky sigh “I just want to know what you’re doing here…” he pauses, he looks like he has more to say but decided not to.

You can only laugh to yourself “I’m here because I believe I think Charlie’s idea has potential to be great. The exterminations, they have to end… that’s why I’m here”

Lucifer seem a bit… surprised? Surprised with your stance on the exterminations. you figured he needed more than that so you continue “I… I’ve never been one for the exterminations. I've been against them from the start. I just didn't know what else to do. Nothing else seemed…right.“

He stayed silent, processing what you told him. He really didn’t understand you, he had a completely warped view of you. “If that’s all you wanted to know I’d rather you take your leave-“

“No!” You step back at the sudden raise in voice but he quickly clears his throat “No, there’s another thing. I would… I’d like to apologize to you about how things went… when we first met.”

You stared at him, the silence once again feeling the air. You didn’t dare break it, you watched as the impish man looked around with anxiety, trying to find the right words. “It’s always been there, in the back of my mind. How we- I, treated you. It was unacceptable… Lilith kept telling me to let it go, that she was done thinking about it, but I just couldn’t.” He takes a deep breath “so, I’m so sorry for hurting you, Y/n…”

Lucifer Morningstar. The man in front of you looked more akin to a puddle than a person at this point. Sweat dripped from his face, a scrunched mouth filled with a sour taste. He wasn’t looking at you, focusing his attention to the ground. Finally, after many long seconds later. You step forward, grabbing his attention.

“As much as I appreciate the apology, I don’t forgive you.” Lucifer began to speak or at least say he understood but no matter what his reaction was going to be, you interrupted him ‘“-I don’t forgive you, because I’m not the one who deserves it”

To that, Lucifer's head was struck with confusion, “what do you mean?” He tried to make sense of your words, shifting eyes looking around in unease before landing on a framed photo of a candlelit man, an old and forgotten, yet familiar smile on his face… ”You mean… Adam?” Despite his best efforts around you, saying the first man’s name still dripped his words with venom. That same sour taste filling his mouth at the mere mention of him. ”What does-” he stops himself, he knows why.

You breathe in slowly, “What you said to me, all of those years ago, hasn’t meant anything to me in a long time. I’ve gotten through it 10x over and finally understand that I am more than those words” you take another step towards him, closing the gap, “so… there's no use for your apology to me. But Adam… you’ve hurt him more than you couldn’t possibly imagine“

The room was filled with dense air, like any sudden move could kill the king of hell or even you at any second but still you continue. “Adam deserved so much better than what he was forced to have from you, so if anyone deserves your apology, it’s him.” He goes to speak but you shut him down again “but we all know that you are too prideful to do so, and Adam… he’s too stubborn to hear it”

You don’t yell, scream, all of your words coming soft from your lips “So… what you’re going to do, if you truly mean what you say. You will go back to your daughter, forget this conversation ever happened, then you can march back to your big castle with your Loving wife, and leave us be, for the rest of eternity.”

With that, you step away from him, words that have been bubbling inside you for centuries finally having been let out. It felt like several hundred pounds had been lifted off of you. You begin to walk to the door to let him out, wanting the conversation to be over, When you hear him speak a faint ”Ex-Wife actually”

You pause, your teeth already biting your tongue. Honestly, if you really thought about it, it was poetic. The Angel who ruined two marriages, leaving Adam nothing but a broken heart and baggage, ended up with a failed marriage himself.

But even still, you still felt a slight pain of pity for him. Through clenched teeth you let out ”I'm… sorry to hear that. It must be hard.”

This kind of thing, no matter the person, is always tough. You knew the aftermath of it through Adam, even now he struggles with so many issues from it. In that regard, you felt pity for the ruler of hell, but the rest of you felt… glad? Glad that he finally understands just a thorn of the pain he inflicted on Adam.

“The 5 minutes are up so… go now… please.” Your voice shakes near the end, your will power for everything you’ve done starting to break. Lucifer looked equally as defeated, you could tell he wanted to say more but he just nodded his head before walking out the door. slowly, silently, you close the door back before sliding down it as your legs give out.

You wanted to cry, scream, do anything but sit there, but you couldn’t. Your voice hurts from talking, your feet hurt from standing, everything just… hurts.

DING DING DING

A luminous yellow light follows the sound, you lifted your head and saw your phone on your nightstand. Adam… You used all of your strength to make it to your bed, practically having to crawl to avoid any more tiredness in your aching body. You finally land on the soft mattress to pick up your phone, seeing the plethora of messages from Adam.

DIXKMASTER69

Yo Bitch, everything good??

You’ve been typing for like 10 minutes

Answer me

Hellllloooooo??????

Oh, that’s why he was texting. You had completely forgotten your half written message you were debating on sending earlier. You start to delete it and rewrite it when suddenly,

INCOMING CALL FROM DIXKMASTER69

You sigh at the screen, your phone vibration sends chills through your aching arms, it acts as a lifeline for you not to fall asleep on the soft plush beneath you. You press the answer button.

‘Fuck Babe, finally! Are you ok?!” Adam’s voice sounded angry but you know he was just worried “you’ve been texting for like 15 minutes”

“Yeah, don’t worry Adam, I... must have fallen asleep while trying to message you”

“It’s 12 in the afternoon, you dont normally fall asleep in the middle of the day” Adam questions, his voice having obvious worry for you.

“Today’s just been very tiring. But I promise I’m fine, it’s just happened a lot today.” You hated lying to him, your other half, but you know this is something that he shouldn’t have to worry about.

You hear him groan, “how many times do I have to fuckin’ tell you not to overwork yourself for those sinners”

“I know, I’m sorry” you pause “I… I have to go now but I promise I’ll call you later, yeah?“

He was quiet on the other side before he lets out “Yeah, just don’t overdo yourself ok?” His voice was soft, no hint of sarcasm or anger, just him.

You let out a small breathy laugh “I promise. Have fun at your show tonight. Talk to you later, love you.”

“Love you too”

CLICK

You sigh to yourself, you still have the tour to do. It’s fine, everything is fine.

Tomorrow will be a better day. it has to be.

-

TAGLIST: @tired-of-life-86 @nervoussystemss @qopia @lovelyemily @hcneyiced @v3r41ynn

@ghostdoodlen @nxptvne-13 @ximenavc-che

@edgyfluff @ericityyy @diffidentphantom @faimmm @slasher-whore69 @1-randomized @ozzersauce @fanlovedlt @alientee @pandaquick @white-00-7 @call-me-nyx @adamstruelove @jennieyeager @sillyycatt @solatiium @my-name-is-heartache @parisiterileymoon @titan-senpai @lovely-night-owl-86 @innergardentoadpony @animefan106sposts @starlightstarbrightmyfirststar @lovkayy @ilikedrinkingsoda @barrythestrawberry041 @deadpoolssweetchimi @asegirllovesreadingporn @ripashy @deleted-1-800 @sirenetheblogger @ur1nonlygabi @aweleyirene @n0tmentallystable

(I really hope I didn’t forget anyone if I did, just asked to be added in the comments!!)

Shoutout to these specific asked as well, love you all <3

[fanatic564]

Abandon Weakness (Am I a Weakness?) (DPxDC) Chapter 1

Learning Weakness 1 2 AO3 Link Here

Summary

Danny can't help but feel as if he's been in this position before. A bag hastily thrown into his arms. Someone leading him away from a threat. The sweet, acidic taste of Lazarus water ectoplasm at the back of his throat. It's all so familiar it's almost nostalgic.

A Prequel to Learning Weakness, showing Danny escaping Amity Park and making his way to Gotham. Notes:

I promise I'm working on the next chapter of Learning Weakness. But I've had this outlined since chapter one, so I knew how Danny made it to Gotham. I got inspired to actually write it out. (I might be procrastinating, its fiiiiine).

"What do you think Father is like?"

The question broke the comfortable silence that surrounded the two small boys laying next to each other on the bed.

"Strong."

"That's it?"

"What else could he be? There's a reason Mother and Grandfather chose him to bear the heir of the family name."

"Hm."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well. It's just… you are everything that Mother and Grandfather are. Strong. Skilled. Unstoppable. But what about me? I'm nothing like any of you. I'm weaker and I can't bring myself to be as ruthless as you all. So surely I must take after Father?"

Another beat of silence, before one of the boys shuffled closer, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around the other.

"If that is true, then Father must be kind. He must be compassionate, and too good for the League. Because that is what you are, Ahki. And I swear, I will do everything in my power to make sure you can stay that way. So that when we meet him, he will know in an instant that you are his son."

"I love you, Dami."

"I love you too, Danyal."

~ ~ ~

Danny can't help but feel as if he's been in this position before. A bag hastily thrown into his arms. Someone leading him away from a threat. The sweet, acidic taste of Lazarus water ectoplasm at the back of his throat. It's all so familiar it's almost nostalgic.

"Come on, Danny. Now is not the time to be spacing out." Danny shakes his head. Sam is right. He can think about the past when he's not actively being hunted.

"Yeah man. We're almost there." Come now Habibi, the first safehouse is just up ahead.

Danny pushes the thought aside. He runs faster, using his ghost abilities to drag Sam and Tucker down the street and through the wall of a building.

Said building is an old abandoned house at the edge of Amity Park. The place is boarded up with no visible entrance for a normal person, but that can't stop someone who can phase through walls like they aren't there. Inside, most of the furniture is covered with dust and grime. All except for the dining room table, which has been cleared by the teens for their own use.

On top of the table, there is a lidded box next to a pile of papers. Danny pulls his bag up onto the table next to them.

"You sure you'll be okay, dude? I can still get you set up somewhere. Make you a bank account and a fake ID and everything. I only need a little bit of time-"

"If you couldn't tell, we're out of time already. He can't wait any longer"

"You guys have done a lot for me. I can't thank you enough. But, you can't get any more involved in this. The Guys in White already have you on their radar and once Mom and Dad get them to join the search, plausible deniability is your best shot at safety."

His friends look at each other before turning back at him. "If you're really sure."

"I am. You guys should go. Your houses will likely be one of the first places they look and you need to be there when they do."

The three teens stand there for a moment staring at each other. The moment ends when Sam flings her arms around Danny to cling to him.

"I'm gonna miss you. You better contact us as soon as you find a place to settle down. You hear me Daniel Fenton‽"

Danny laughs lightly in response before looking over to Tucker. "What, not gonna join the goodbye hug? You wound me Tuck."

Tucker rolls his eyes before moving to join the hug. Once he is within reach, Danny wraps his own arms around both of them. His core hums as he holds two of the people closest to him. Eventually though, he has to let them go. They say their final goodbyes before Danny turns them intangible and herds them out of the building.

And then he is alone.

Alone to finally think about everything that has happened. And just how similar it is to what happened to him before, all those years ago.

Family members wanting him dead. A sibling being left behind (and Danny feels a pang in his chest at that. At least with Jazz, he has a way to contact her again, when all is said and done.) Danny escaping with the help of someone he loves. Not knowing what is in store for him past this point. Danny running from a throne he doesn't think he is qualified to take.

~ ~ ~

Before Danny lived at Amity Park, before he was killed by the portal, before he became a ghost fighting vigilante, Danyal Al Ghul had been killed by his own brother. Well, before even that he had been a part of a cult of literal assassins. One of the heirs to said cult, in fact, the son of Talia Al Ghul and a man named Bruce Wayne. But, since a cult of assassins didn't need more than one heir, Danyal's grandfather had ordered a duel between the twin. And thus, Danyal's death.

Of course, as seemed to be a recurring theme in his life, Danny did not stay dead.

Instead, with the sound of clocks in his ears and the burning taste of the pit he was thrown into in his mouth, Danny awoke from his death.

(Clockwork would later explain his role in the event to him. How it hadn't been his time yet, and so he influenced Mother into putting Danny in the pits. How he watched the ensuing journey to assure he made it to his destination in one piece as opposed to alive, where the beginning of his journey was death, and the end result would always be death even if years down the line . )

He made it to Amity Park, and was eventually found and adopted by the Fenton Family. It was like comparing night and day, comparing life with the Fentons to life with the League of Assassins. While the league was strict, with rules being strictly enforced and discipline served ruthlessly, the Fentons had a more… hands-off approach. Hands-off meaning barely there, always in the basement working on their 'research'. At first, Danny had been ecstatic for the distance. Less rules barely any, no discipline having to fend for himself , no having to learn how to murder and hurt and….it had been everything Danny had wanted.

Of course Danny missed his brother, and Mother, and even Grandfather on occasion. But Danny could never return, never see them again, in order to keep all of them safe. And so he enjoyed the freedom that living with the Fentons provided.

With that freedom, Danny did research. He learned more about his father, how he was a billionaire living in the city of Gotham who had a habit of adoption that was frankly concerning. He learned that Gotham itself had to be chock full of ectoplasm, with how full of crime and fear the city was. The city had heroes and vigilantes and crime lords and-

And his brother.

Those next few years were a blur. Danny gained close friends in the form of Sam and Tucker. Danny slowly learned to push aside his assassin past and live a normal life. Then he died again. And then he became a vigilante. And then he gained another sister in the form of Ellie. And then he defeated Pariah Dark. And the Jazz went to college left him alone with them.

And then his parents discovered it all.

(Well, maybe not all of it, but enough to know he was no longer safe in Amity Park.)

~ ~ ~

Danny and his friends had a plan for if his parents ever discovered that he was Phantom and they didn't react well. They put together a to-go box for him to grab before fleeing, with an ecto-infused burner phone, some snacks and water bottles, a decent supply of ecto shots, spare clothes, and a few other miscellaneous items. The last part of their plan was supposed to be finding a place for him to flee to. But, they thought they had more time, didn't think this would happen so soon. And so all Danny has to go off of is the pile of papers next to his box, with lists of pros and cons for several different locations that he can go to.

His friends don't know this, but Danny has long since made his decision on where to go. He can't go to where Jazz is going to college, there isn't enough ambient ectoplasm to sustain him. In fact, most places they discussed didn't. However, there is one option, all the way at the bottom of the pile, that Danny knows will be perfect. To Sam and Tucker, it is a last resort spot, somewhere to go if there is absolutely no other option. Despite the abundance of apparent ectoplasm in the air, the risks are not worth it in their eyes. The ectoplasm seems like the only pro in a sea of cons for them. But for Danny? There is a second pro that outweighs every con tenfold.

Danny can finally reunite with his brother. With Dami. End Notes: Feel free to point out any mistakes.

[anxious-witch]

Inspired by this post by @purgatory606 because after seeing that, I wanted to talk about DBDA weapons/fighting styles of characters. Well Charles and partially Edwin here, I might also analyze Crystal and Esther in another post.

I'd like to start from the scene from the first episode where Charles is trying to teach Edwin self defense and he chooses boxing. Which is quite interesting, if a bit odd choice.

He gives Edwin boxing gloves, and then required him to his his palms, albeit protected, but still. Such an odd choice? Without anger or adrenaline from the fight, most people find it quite difficult to hit something-or someone particularly hard. Doubly so when a person holding a target you should be hitting is someone you care for. It's difficult to override your naturally instinct to pull your punch back, which is what I think happens to Edwin. Especially because he generally isn't someone who leans into violence, even in situations where it would be warranted.

I think we can presume Charles was either teaching Edwin how to fight in case he finds himself weaponless, given he doesn't have an infinite backpack, or he was judging by his own instict, not seeing how Edwin wouldn't want to use brutal force. If anything, Edwin would likely do better with a more precise, long range weapon. Like a sword, or a bow.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Let's look at Charles' weapons of choice and how he utilizes them. Throughout the s1, we see him use a cricket bat, a music box(?), a molotov cocktail and a sword.

Cricket bat is his preferred weapon of choice and as the og post said, bats are for pure, raw pain. Traditionally there is not much elegance or finesse with it. You use a bat when you want to inflict the most amount of hurt in the shortest and most brutal way possible. What I find interesting is the way Charles wields it, which he does in a way that is almost elegant.

We see him twirl it on several ocassions and while he does hold it in a way that one would expect would inflict most damage, I am not sure we ever see him use it that way? Esther knocks him down with her cane before he can, he doesn't actually get to use in on the Cat King, he beats up the Night Nurse with a music box, not his bat, he breaks David's mirrors in a way that he actually sends the bat flying, not actively smashing mirrors with brute force like one would expect. And when he faces Esther's snake, his bat breaks.

What does that tell us about Charles? I think his bat actually reflects him quite a bit. Both how he sees himself, and how people who don'tknow him well do. So many people make a mistake of writing his off as just the brawn, of someone only there to deliver lethal sort of damage. Even Charles himself seems to sometimes think of himself that way. Of someone capable of great violence. Because he thinks that's simoly what he is. A bat cannot be used for anything else but direct damage.

Except....Charles finds a way. His attacks may be brutal, but they are very precise as we saw in David scene. And even when we consider other insance when he used different weapons, thr only time his blow didn't land as expected was against Esther in episode one.

The attack against the Night Nurse was brutal amd seemingly uncontrolled, but he got the job done precisely the way he intended? He didn't kick her around mindlessly, he kicked her off the cliff to get rid of her and the sea monster they were trying to lull to sleep. It was violent yes, but he was still very aware of what he was doing.

Throwing the molotov cocktail at the Dollheaded Spider? Also very calculated to allow him and Edwin time to run. Hiss fight against the snake? Once he concluded brutal force of his bat wasn't working, he choose a very precise and deadly weapon instead. And used it perfectly, in quite an elegant move, too!

In conclusion, I think Charles' weapon of choice has more to do with his perception of self rather than his actual realities or abilities. Which I think is why we get a scene of the bat breaking in the last episode and have it replaced with a sword! His perception of self changed from a weapon more used for it's brutal force to a weapon more commonly associated with knights and heroes. I'd be very curious to see if the bat returns to s2 and how it'll be utilized

[k-zuzulibrary]

민기 s.mg

song mingi 𖹭 reader

who are you?

synopsis: after more banter with mingi, you reflect on your meeting with seonghwa, the president of the programming club, and the excitement of being accepted into a club that could help you achieve your dream of creating your video game. however, your enthusiasm is quickly tempered by your frustration when you are paired with mingi to work on some designs for an event.

content: typical college romance, significant hate to significant others, robotic!reader, lighthearted fluff, probably an inaccurate depiction of art majors (even as an art major myself), not proofread, lowercase intended.

zuzu's note: i decided to write this back-to-back with the first chapter so don't expect any updates so soon lol ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ inspired by the kbl semantic error.

chap1 | chap2 | chap3 | chap4 | chap5 | chap6 | chap7 | chap8 | chap9 | chap10

main masterlist.

4:30 AM. you breezed past the half-conscious zombies (aka college students) in the hallway, either trudging toward class or escaping one. you, on the other hand, cheerfully stepped into your classroom, taking in the dim space with a dreamy sigh. before you could fully settle in, a body bumped into you. you looked up to see a figure in a vibrant orange tracksuit, stepping back and turning to face you. your eyes traveled from his outfit to his face. song mingi.

you sighed, rolling your eyes. you were already contemplating dropping the class right then and there. sadly, art history was a required subject. "are you gonna take a seat, love?" he tilts his head toward the classroom, hand holding onto the strap of his bag. the nickname he settled for after failing to find your true name was the bane of your existence. love. you scoffed to yourself.

"why..." you grumbled.

"well—"

"why, God, why?" you interrupted him and stared at the ceiling, eyes closed and brows furrowed. you took your seat before he could beat you to it — too bad, you could still see his stupid outfit in your peripheral vision as he took the seat next to you, scootching it closer, once again invading your personal space.

you took out one of your extra notebooks and set it upright on your desk between you and mingi's side of the table, as though it would set some sort of boundary between you but he probably has already long broken that boundary.

complete silence.

well, almost. the faint ticking of the clock filled the room, accompanied by footsteps echoing in the hallway and the soft sound of mingi's breath near your ear. his finger tapped rhythmically against the desk, the sound just enough to get under your skin.

then, with a single deliberate poke, your notebook tipped over, sliding onto your side of the desk.

your gaze flicked down to the notebook, then up to mingi, meeting his sweet, unapologetic smile.

"so," he began, tone light but voice deep, "what’s your favorite beverage?" you sighed, already suspecting it was another one of his orange antics. you opted to keep your mouth zipped and you focused on your activities. mingi, suspecting your hesitance, rested his cheek on his fist and leaned against the table. he smiled. "let me guess — kq energy?"

you stiffened.

he giggled. "really? you like that sewage crap? i never would've known you had such garbage taste in beverages after hearing you admire my artwork, i'm embarrassed for you, really—"

"it's an acquired taste." you defend yourself. "it's bitter at first, but once i realized that nobody else buys it from the vending machines, it'll never sell out—" within an a flash, mingi scurries out of the table and runs to the exit.

you didn't want to know what he was up to now. only glad he was out of your space, you moved his bag a chair farther away, and placed your bag on the chair next to you.

soon, mingi walked back into the classroom carrying an obnoxiously large number of kq energy cans, stuffing some into his bright orange jacket pockets while balancing the rest. he nonchalantly sat back down beside you.

you raised an eyebrow. "are you… okay?" you asked, giving him a once over. "did you just raid the vending machine?"

mingi shrugged. "can’t have you hogging all the good stuff, can i?"

you narrowed your eyes. "you bought all the kq energy so i wouldn’t?"

mingi grinned, leaning back in his chair. "exactly. a little self-control might do you good."

you scoffed. "self-control? you’re the one who just spent your weeks budget on caffeine."

mingi smirked. "worth it. at least i’m not the one with a dependency issue."

annoyed, you snatched one of the cans from his desk. "well, guess what? finders keepers."

mingi gasps dramatically, as if you've committed a grave sin — at the same time, surprised by your immaturity. "but that’s stealing! "

"i call it karma," you reply with a smirk, popping open the can.

the banter pauses for a moment as mingi leans in, his expression unusually serious. “careful there, love. trying to match my energy? you might fall for me...”

you froze for half a second, then you rolled your eyes. “unlikely.”

another student walked in, slowly breaking the tension. mingi glanced at her before he leaned back casually into his chair but you can’t shake the thought of the smug grin on his face for the rest of the day.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆.

you adjusted your grip on the sheet of paper in your hands as you walked down the hallway, your footsteps echoing in the quiet. the memory of your meeting with seonghwa weeks ago surfaced unbidden, and you couldn’t help but feel a small flicker of excitement.

the president of the programming club had been everything you'd expected: professional, composed, and just intimidating enough to make somekne nervous. his reputation preceded him — someone who not only excelled in programming but had also led the club to several university-wide recognitions.

“why do you want to join the club?” seonghwa had asked, leaning back in his chair with his fingers steepled. his expression was calm, but his gaze had felt piercing, like he could see through your hesitation.

you had hesitated for only a second before replying. "i want to make a game that feels real. something people connect with. but i need to improve. my programming, my management skills, all of it. i think being part of this club will help me get there."

seonghwa’s lips had curved into the faintest smile. "ambitious. i like that." he had paused, then added, "but the club isn’t easy. we take on big projects, and expectations are high. are you ready for that?"

you had nodded, your resolve firm. "i wouldn’t be here if i wasn’t."

"good answer," seonghwa had said, standing to shake your hand. "welcome aboard."

even now, the memory gave you a thrill of pride. getting into the club felt like a step toward your dream — a dream you had clung on to ever since you first started sketching game concepts in your notebooks as a kid.

but as you approached the bulletin board, reality crept back in. your excitement dimmed as you smoothed out the ad in your hand. of course, in your pursuit of progress, you'd have to deal with people like him. song mingi this, song mingi that, you thought. his name like a sour note in your mind. the ideal designer you'd hoped to work with turned out to be an arrogant, insufferable presence who couldn’t resist making your life harder.

with a sigh, you pinned the ad to the board, pressing the thumbtacks harder than necessary. fine. if the universe thought it was funny to throw mingi in your path, you'd just find someone better.

speak — or rather think of the damn devil, mingi appeared out of nowhere and leaned casually against the wall. giving you a slight deja vu. "looking for talent already?" he teased. "you could’ve just asked me."

you don't even look at him.

"i'm looking for reliable talent."

mingi mock-pouted. "ouch. i thought i was your ideal artist."

"i thought so too," you muttered under your breath, trying to finish your task.

he leaned closer, reading your ad out loud. "creative? efficient? willing to meet impossible standards? sounds a lot like me."

you give him a sharp look. "i doubt you’d survive the interview."

you turned on your heel and left, ignoring his amused laughter as he called after you, "see you around!"

you soon noticed mingi following you and you pick up your pace, determined to lose him. he kept up effortlessly with his long legs, hands in his pockets, humming a tune as if he’s just out for a stroll.

finally, you stopped and turned around. "why are you following me?"

he grins. "coincidence. i’m just heading this way."

when you both reach the clubroom door, you block his path. "i'm serious. go away."

mingi raises an eyebrow. "serious? like barium enema serious? or serious like joining the programming club?"

you blinked, confused, as mingi brushed past you and opened the door, motioning for you to go in first. "after you, love."

inside, the club president, seonghwa, recognized mingi immediately. "ah, our star designer has arrived!" he spotted you behind him. "ah, and you must be y/n — welcome!"

"y/n? " mingi repeated your name under his breath. he was bound to find out one way or another. as you stepped into the room, you see a neat, organized space with several members already chatting. a large bulletin board on one wall displayed future projects, tasks, and members’ names.

seonghwa, cheerful and welcoming, introduced you to the group. "everyone, meet our newest member! y/n has a lot of potential, and we’re excited to have her." a few members inside cheered for you. seonghwa continued. "and it seems like you two are already acquainted, i have a feeling that you’ll get along well with our club secretary, mingi. he’s been with us for two years and is one of our most dedicated officers."

you stared, stunned. "secretary?"

mingi stepped forward and he stretched, clearly enjoying your reaction. "that’s right, baby. which means i’ll be keeping track of your attendance and… performance." he winked.

you seethed internally. of course he’s the secretary. why wouldn’t he be?

you forced a polite smile for show. "great. looking forward to working with you."

"under me." mingi corrected you.

"okay! let's start the meeting!" seonghwa interrupted. "mingi, lead the opening prayer..."

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆.˚

during the meeting, seonghwa announced the annual semester-opening festival and he assigned you and mingi to collaborate on creating designs for it. "mingi, since you’re our most experienced designer, you’ll take the lead on this. y/n, our new member, you’ll be assisting him and handling the programming aspects."

your jaw tightened as you nodded reluctantly. meanwhile, mingi leaned back in his chair, looking far too pleased with himself, amused with the situation.

"don’t worry, y/n." he said. "i’ll take good care of you."

you shot back, "let’s hope i survive."

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆.˚

©️ 2024 k-zuzu All Rights Reserved.

[fairybin]

hello! i hope that everyone is doing good. if not good, hopefully at least tolerable. since it's been a while since i've posted, i wanted to leave a message for everyone who has enjoyed my works over the last couple of months.

if you've been following me for a long time, then you'd know i made this account during summer of 2020 as a means to interact with other people who were also watching i-land (the show that made enhypen), but i would say that this 2023 year has been my most active year of posting. for me, writing is my way to express my thoughts and feelings that are somewhat trapped inside of my brain without any other means to express them and i truly enjoy it and wouldn’t want any other way to express myself besides it. even posting audios, that i originally kind of hated doing since it overshadowed my writings, i really grew to enjoy posting.

anyway with that being said, sometimes my brain works too fast for me to keep up and those thoughts and feelings become very stagnant and non-existent entirely. whether this is “burnout” or just pure laziness on my part is really unknown to me and honestly i probably won’t ever find out. if you’ve talked to me by messages or dms or even in my ask inbox, you’d know how often i say “i have an idea! i want to write about this and this and this!” and how much i enjoy when people tell me to go for it and usually i do.

maybe it’s the pressure to want to make my writings perfect or maybe the fact that it’s me who wrote it and i have to read it over and over, but honestly recently i have had no inspiration for writing. zero. nada. 없어. and it’s actually extremely difficult to admit. within a year, i have gone from loving writing and pushing out posts like it was nothing to not even wanting to write anything at all.

with this being said, i am by no means saying i’m going to stop writing. i couldn’t even if i wanted to. this is me saying that i’m going to take my time writing. if i get into a mood to write, i will, but also i won’t beat myself up for not being in the mood to write.

i’ll still be logged into this account periodically and i’m going to continue to reblog stories i like on my side blog that's linked in my navigation.

i wish everyone a very happy healthy and successful rest of 2024! bye!

- mari

[eowynstwin]

A note on future chapters of both Neighbors and the upcoming Soap series:

so, uh, with my recent neurodivergence revelation and also becoming familiar with PDA, I've decided to put absolutely no pressure on myself at all and refuse by all means necessary to update consistently. I make zero promises as to when any chapters will happen, or honestly if I will even FINISH any given work.

Behind the scenes I've been beating myself up a lot because I can't seem to get Neighbors chapters out faster than every two months, and I have always wanted more from myself in terms of writing. However with the deluge of realizations I've made in the past 36 hours I've come to understand that wanting more has made more an obligation, and (considering I'm not getting paid for this) my brain literally cannot work with that.

It's more than accepting or emphasizing that fanfiction is primarily for myself and thus is not subject to the whims and wants of others; I am very comfortable disappointing you all in favor of my well-being. Advocating for myself has been a skill I've worked very hard to cultivate. However, tuning my own expectations for myself has been harder to practice. I have always wanted to be more productive, more consistent, and more organized. I have always wanted to feel like I could do exactly what I wanted myself to do.

I've recognized in the end that having these expectations at all has perhaps been detrimental to my creative growth. My brain is not a neurotypical brain. The things that motivate a neurotypical brain--goal-setting, external accountability and satisfaction--do not motivate mine. They cause me stress and shame and anger and disappointment, all directed inward.

I have spent many, many years hating myself for falling short of these expectations. I have believed that the only reason I cannot meet them is because I am actively choosing to be a disappointment, because I do not have the self control to do "better" and change myself. I know now that this is not the case. I am different. My needs are different. This is okay. It is okay for me to be this way.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY LMAO that you'll see me when you see me. I'll have stuff for you when I have it. I still want to write for my series, because I'm very happy about them and it gives me a lot of joy to see other people enjoy my work, but I will no longer bind myself in obligation to them.

There will be no schedule, and I will no longer apologize for gaps between updates. I'm vibing. I'm embracing happiness. And my sincerest wish is that everyone who has been with me since the beginning finds the courage and the freedom to do the same. Thank you all so much for your support, especially through one of the hardest years of my life. It has meant the world.

[rocketboots564]

Teen Wolf Season 1 (from a first time watcher)

Okay, I did this for another series (Red vs. Blue) and I DESPERATELY want to do it for this.

This is basically my thoughts/notes/critiques of Teen Wolf season 1 as someone watching it for the first time. Please enjoy and take it with a grain of salt:

I could tell this show EXUDED 2010’s energy when I witnessed with my very own eyes and ears a DUBSTEP WEREWOLF BATTLE

Guys, if you had told me there’d be dubstep werewolf battles I would’ve watched it YEARS ago… OPEN UP WITH THAT! (Note: I am not the biggest fan of dubstep, however watching Derek and Scott beat the hell out of each other while it blares is an experience I never knew I needed)

Its music is so nostalgically 2010’s it comes off as “so bad it’s good” in a way.

I love it even though I occasionally cringe

Don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion, but Scott McCall was kinda boring in this season.

NOW BEFORE YOU JUMP ME! Scott has insane highs and simmering lows, but the highs are mostly in the beginning of s1 and the last 4-5 episodes where he SHINES.

I mean it, he went from a B to an A-tier character those last few episodes

But, the other characters were just so much more… flavorful. Like Stiles?! I LOVED every second Stiles is on screen.

On the topic of Stiles… I will be talking about how much bisexual energy this show has. Because it’s A LOT. You guys were NOT kidding about that.

It’ll probably be a repost of this or its own thing.

Honestly, and you’re gonna hate me for this, but Scott and Derek kinda act like love interests in a smutty, poorly written YA novel–BUT! It’s a bit endearing.

But also tell me you can’t see it.

I mean like, Scott’s answer to suppressing his transformation ends up being “his love for Allison” like a good 60-70% of the time.

Time to talk about Lydia. I started off HATING Lydia for like the first 1.5 episodes. I hated her snarky, mean-girl, wannabe Regina George ass at first… at first…

But, I took a step back and thought to myself:

“The pipeline from Supernatural to this show is surprisingly close… which means one of many things: they’re gonna give her massive character development and make me not only feel bad for her, but make me love her so much she becomes a favorite of mine.”

Lo and behold… you’ll never guess who my second favorite character is?

Lydia… right under Stiles where she belongs. He’s just that good

Can we please PLEASE talk about how unprofessional the Teachers are in this school! LIKE WHAT THE HELL?!

First of all, there’s the coach, which sure, he cuts corners, and can be a very questionable motivator (please don’t reward your students with an A for doing something that has nothing to do with their educational prowess. Nor should you tease them thinking it’ll motivate them. Positive reinforcement works people.)

HOWEVER… the Chemistry teacher? OOOHHH IF THERES ANY BITCH I WANNA SMACK ITS HIS ASS

How are you gonna sit there, and actively berate and insult your students, and expect good things from them.

And then, on top of all of that, YOU HAVE TO AUDACITY, to withhold information that connects you to the Hale fire?! OOOOH PETER I’LL JUMP HIS ASS WITH YOU.

Adrian Harris, you are an unprofessional, ignorant, arrogant slob unfit to teach goddamn preschoolers. (Granted, I’m while watching season 2 right now… and my hate for him has only swelled)

Speaking of Peter, I don’t think he’s the real villain of this season. He definitely is a villain, and a main one at that. But the biggest bad here?

That title goes to the woman I wanna see get the electric chair: MOTHERFUCKING KATE ARGENT

I will make my own post on Kunt Argent, analyzing this VILE woman, and why Jill Wagner plays her PERFECTLY. (Seriously she made a villain that makes my blood boil. 10/10 acting and writing)

I’ll also probably talk about Allison and what I love about her in that too because it’s important.

[its-all-papaya]

hiiii friends followers etc <3

i’ve been promising a lot of stuff lately, but unfortunately i think i’ve come to terms with the fact that i am going to have to take baby steps back from fandom for the immediate future bc i am… not super well.

i recently said im not even sure what burnout feels like because i think ive been in a moderate state of it since i was about 14 years old, but i can tell you now: i know what it feels like. it’s crying in the morning before you get out of bed bc you’re not sure you have another day left in you. it’s 400mg of caffeine every day not because you need it to stay awake, but because you can’t keep your mood above water without it. it’s a million straight work days and a million chores on the to-do list and a million texts to your mom saying “im tired” and “i just want a second to catch my breath.”

i’m not a danger to myself or anything, i’m actually just sort of numb, but i DO think that my activity here has been inadvertently putting more pressure on me to perform and meet the expectations of other people in yet another realm of my life. that’s not on you guys!! that’s on me!! a lot of the time i ask for it and i over-promise and then beat myself up when i can’t deliver. and honestly, how could i expect myself to? i’ve been working at least four hours every day for TWO STRAIGHT MONTHS. i fall asleep with the lights on and wake up already behind on everything and the minute i get home i open my laptop anyway to type in a word doc mostly because i want to, but also because i told you all i would. and i’m already letting you down.

dad lando will get finished. it’s 70k already and i’m going to keep working on it, just slowly. maybe there’ll be a christmas fic, maybe it’ll be out before anything else, maybe dad lando will come in december but maybe it’ll be more like january.

you can keep talking to me, i just respectfully kindly ask that you don’t ask when things are getting published or how writing is going, because i WILL give you timelines it’s not healthy for me to deliver on and then stress myself out trying to keep them.

thank you thank you thank you to everybody who has engaged with my work in any way, everyone who has encouraged me, and everybody who’s ever added tags to a reblog, or dropped anon love in my inbox. i know i’ll probably lose some of you when you get tired of waiting, and that’s alright i guess. i’ve gotta like… stay alive. you know?

gonna try to be on here less so plz send me writing i’ve missed and hit me up for my discord if you wanna chat. love you all, love landoscar, love writing, just gotta manage what can be managed for the time being 🧡

[kopfkino-o]

The Seer's Stone - Chapter 6 (Az POV)

Summary: Azriel is being pushed to his limits, driven half-mad by his increased workload, Koschei’s recent movements, and the unaddressed feelings still hanging between him and Elain. His mind is at war with himself, thoughts and regrets constantly battling with him, but when an old acquaintance comes calling he feels compelled to answer, bound by loyalty and duty he sets off to find what very well might be his own damnation.

Pairing: Elain x Azriel 

Timeline: Post-ACOSF

Wordcount: 1970

Read:

Chapter One | The Crone’s Trade

Chapter Two | The Oracle of Seraphyros 

Chapter Three | Last of Our Kind (Azriel)

Chapter Four | An Empty Seat

Chapter Five | Death and the Lovely Fawn - UPDATED

Author’s Note: Hope you all enjoy! More below 💋

PHEW! After several months of insanity (see: moving to a new city, taking on several new projects at my day job as a graphic designer, getting engaged, traveling to Europe to be in a friend's wedding, hurting my knee again (rip lmao), and the general chaos of being alive) I am so excited to be back writing again. And even more excited to share this latest chapter of the Seer's Stone with the world.

Writing took a back seat within my life last year, due impart to the aforementioned chaos, but also due to some personal anxieties I had about sharing my work. It's irrational, I know, writing is writing, art is art! But still, I found myself lacking confidence and facing a ton of writer's block, but I found some new inspiration through my professional creative work, had a few friends that really helped to cheer me on, and had a lot of downtime after my knee surgery to think about and play around with my craft. All that being said, I'm really really glad to be back at it and revisiting this story, and learning through writing fanfiction.

My plans for the fic haven't changed (too much), but I do think I ought to note that I made some edits to the last update, Chapter Five | Death and the Lovely Fawn, that I feel like I just needed to make to provide clarity/build up for the direction of the story.

Lastly, I just wanted to say thank you to the folks who reached to me about this fic even when I wasn't actively updating it and offered me support/encouragement. This meant so so much to me, more than you all probably know, and I just wanted to say thanks for that.

This one's for you guys.

xoxo, Court

There was a building headache in Azriel's temples.

Every beat of his heart reverberated through his skull like a war drum. Azriel worked his jaw, grinding his teeth. There had always been something about the dank darkness of the Hewn City that pressed down on him like a fist, but the hateful place was particularly grating tonight.

Wrong, his shadows murmured, this place is wrong

"Hush," he snapped back at them, in no mood for their whisperings.

The floor shifted underfoot, and the long, stone passageway changed before his eyes, writhing as if it were a living thing. To anyone else, the illusion might have been nauseating, but these tunnels and their strange enchantments had become second nature to him during the time he served beneath Rhysand's father.

The old High Lord had personally keyed the spells into the oily stone walls to prevent his captives from ever learning the true layout of the tunnel system. And, perhaps, to also remind them they were so far beneath the earth they could only dream of feeling the warmth of the sun on their faces again.

He had been cruel like that.

Azriel rounded a bend in the stone and found himself in another long hallway carved directly into the mountain. Only this hallway was lined with ancient, half-rusted cell doors—cells that housed the worst of the Night Court's filth. Or at least, what was left of them.

Halfway down the corridor, Feyre and Amren were waiting for him outside one of those cells, the High Lady and her second-in-command half-concealed in shadow, their whispered voices echoing queerly off the rock walls.

Both females fell silent when they caught sight of him. Something twisted in Azriel’s gut. For them both to be here, in the dead of the night, with Nyx still so young and Varian here in Velaris on a short respite from Adriata, meant something was wrong. The look on Feyre’s beautiful face only confirmed that. Something was very, very wrong.

“You’re late,” Amren snapped. It was as much a greeting as he’d get from her.

Azriel matched the second’s same cool indifference. “I was in the middle of something when you sent for me. I came as soon as I could.”

“Off again, doing only the Mother knows what? You don’t fool me, boy. I can smell the Continent on you.”

“I come, I go. So is the nature of my work.”

“Is it, now?”

“If you intend to suggest I’m up to something you disapprove of, then by all means, Amren, do so now and let us be done with it. I’m not here to indulge in idle banter.”

The second-in-command bared her teeth, smoke-gray eyes glowing like two torches amidst the gloom, and for half a heartbeat, Azriel thought she might press the matter.

Then Feyre stepped forward and cleared her throat. There were dark smudges of exhaustion beneath the High Lady’s eyes, but she still looked as regal as ever in her Illyrian leathers, her carved ashwood bow and a matching quiver of arrows peeking up over her armored shoulders.

“Enough, you two,” Feyre said, voice laced with nothing but command. She shot both Azriel and Amren a warning look before folding her tattooed hands behind her back, taking up the position of authority fitting of both a war commander and a queen. “We have bigger matters at hand, and I didn’t leave my infant son asleep at home with a nanny just to come here and listen to you bicker.” She nudged Amren with an armored elbow. “So, won't you be a dear and update our lovely Spymaster on the situation at hand?”

Amren shot him one last distrustful look before answering their High Lady's command. "We picked up two...stragglers...trying to make their way to the Prison Isle. From what we've been able to gather, it appears they were attempting to make their way inside the Prison itself."

Azriel's brows rose. Sneak onto the Prison Isle? That was not only impossible, but it was complete and utter madness. A sick, sudden realization shuddered through him, so fierce it cut through the pounding in his head.

Elain.

Elain was trying to get access to the Prison for reasons still unknown to him. Her and the spellspinner she'd tried so diligently to keep hidden in the Library.

Azriel's shadows had brought him word of their machinations weeks ago, initially tipped off by the arrival of the young spellspinner, and catching Elain in his bedroom yesterday had only confirmed his suspicions, but surely she hadn't gone against his warnings. Surely she hadn't...

"Something wrong, boy?" Amren crooned.

He ignored her. "Tell me everything," he said to Feyre.

"One male, one female. Both don't seem to hold any particular court alliance, but they were...dressed strangely. Almost as if they were trying to blend in with the Library's priestesses. Only their robes were gray, not white, and they carried no invoking stones." Feyre scrubbed a hand down her face. "Rhys caught the male on the beaches; I found the female still on the boat they'd used to reach the Isle."

Azriel might have sighed his relief if only Feyre's words weren't too much to stomach. Elain and her friends, and whatever wild plan they'd concocted, might be safe for now, but an unwelcome stranger trying to land on the Prison Isle was nothing to take lightly. And the fact Azriel, nor his shadows, had seen it coming rankled him.

"I tried to talk to her, wanted to know who she was, why she was there," the High Lady continued. "But she pulled a knife before I could get to her. I watched her open her own throat. Tried to heal her, but to no avail, little thanks to the poison on her blade." Feyre shook her head then tossed a thumb towards the cell door. "Rhys is inside with the male. He won't speak, though. He just keeps... singing."

"Singing?" Azriel echoed.

"He means to mock us," Amren murmured.

It was Feyre who ignored the second-in-command now. The High Lady tipped her head towards the cell door. "You'll see." She said. "We'll be waiting at the Riverhouse for your report."

And with that, Feyre reached a hand for Amren and winnowed them both away, leaving Azriel alone with his pounding head, the ancient black stone, and the iron door looming before him.

Azriel drew in a breath. Down, down, down he sank into himself before he strode for the cell door and shoved it open.

The sharp smell of blood and piss and fear arrested his senses as soon as he stepped into the dimly lit cell.

Old memories reared their ugly heads, taking him back to a different time where he came to these very cells to serve a far different lord. Truth-Teller warmed at his side, steadying him. Azriel wrapped a hand around the dagger's familiar hilt and shoved the memories back inside their iron cages to rot.

He made a quick sweep of the room when his eyes finally adjusted. Shadows clung to the corners of the narrow cell, dark enough to conceal his brother's powerful form hidden within them. Rhys was the darkness here. Anyone else might have missed him, but Azriel knew his brother's scent, the sound of his breathing, and marked where he stood in one of the shadowy corners.

In the center of the cell, bound and blindfolded, sat the captive. His gray robes were bloody, his lip split and broken, but he was singing just as Feyre had promised. Singing some horrible old song.

"...blue blood, red blood, blood black as a moonless night," the captive's voice echoed off the cell walls, garbled and made watery by his mouthful of broken teeth. "A pound of flesh, a pound of bone, a gift for a maiden made of light..."

Azriel's shadows swarmed. They flowed across the old stone floors to circle the captive like a pack of hungry dogs, writhing and twisting as they tried to make sense of him and his strange song. Almost as if the song had offended them. As if it scared them.

The darkness melted, and Rhys appeared from within it, arms crossed and brow furrowed, the mask of the High Lord in perfect place. Stars were dancing in his violet eyes, cold and unyielding, burning with a hunger Azriel himself knew all too well.

"He's been at it all night," Rhys said softly. "The same two verses of the same song, over and over again. It's driving me fucking mad."

"You scramble his brains or something?" Azriel asked.

"Would that I could. His mind is impenetrable. Practically walled off with solid obsidian. I've never seen anything like it."

"He's been prepped on how to face a Daemati, then."

"Or spelled to keep one out of his mind."

The words rose a chill within him, and Azriel found himself watching his brother more closely. Rhys worked a tick in his jaw, violet eyes churning as he assessed the battered man babbling his strange song.

"...away, away, at the crown of midnight..."

Azriel had never heard the tune before. Yet, it rankled him somehow. Dragged cold talons through his guts as if it were trying to make a home there.

Pain pricked behind his eyes, blooming like a thousand burning stars.

Azriel rolled his shoulders, fighting the headache, and drew in a deep breath of the rank air, descending deeper into that inside, readying himself for what was to come.

"He'll break," he said softly.

Rhys did not look at him as he replied. "I know."

Eventually, they exchanged the briefest, most fleeting of looks, but the silent words that passed between them meant everything. Rhys's eyes reminded him that Azriel did not have to do this. That he was, in fact, not his father's son. That this Night Court was a court of dreamers, of sons who were forgiven of the sins of their fathers, of daughters free to live as they pleased.

But the weight of duty had been taught to Azriel decades ago. And it was not a lesson so easily forgotten.

Skin slips easier off the smaller bones, blood congeals at the joints, and the mind always, always fractures first.

The old High Lord had taught him those things. Had made sure Azriel knew them, committed them to his memory so he might never forget his purpose. His worth. The thing he'd been made for.

Azriel slid Truth-Teller from its sheath. "Leave us," he said to his brother, voice soft as night. "I'll bring my report to the Riverhouse."

Rhysand put a gentle hand on his shoulder, the gesture made as if it might spare him, as if it might change what he was and the things he was born to do.

It wouldn't.

Azriel had stopped telling himself such follies a long, long time ago.

So he waited until his brother closed the cell door behind him. Waited until his shadows drank the last bit of light from the dank cell. Waited and listened as the prisoner whimpered the last verses of his swan song.

"...a sword for the son, a horn for the Queen, and dagger for their fool..."

Once, when he was just a boy, the shadows had taught him there was a place he could go, somewhere he could hide from his father's wrath, from his brothers' hate. Somewhere deep within himself. A place where he felt nothing, saw nothing.

Was nothing.

Azriel went to that place now, hiding somewhere deep within himself. He thought of roses as he raised Truth-Teller to the pale flesh of the prisoner's chest and began to cut.

Blood bloomed and the ache in Azriel's head erupted like a thunderclap.

And a dagger for the fool.

[tokidokitokyo]

It's the end of 2024, and 2025 is about to begin. So I'd like to review my year of Japanese studies, including my progress on my goals from the beginning of the year, my progress overall, and where I fell short. This will be a long post, but since it's for my own benefit I hope you won't mind.

My review will include the following:

Evaluate how I did on my 2024 goals

Review the time that I dedicated to each area of study as well as what techniques worked for me and what didn't

Review briefly the materials I used to study in 2024

2024 Goals Progress

1. Read one page a day of 日本の歴史366 (にほんのれきし366) every day in 2024.

Status: Fail

I did not read a page every day ^.^ I figured it might be too much when I set this goal for the second year in a row, but the quickness with which I fell off surprised even me (it was February lol). I did read a few pages here and there throughout the year, but there was no consistency. Maybe when my son is old enough, we can read a page a day together. I would like to recommend this book, however, as it is interesting and the bite-size one-page-a-day Japanese history information is a good format for not getting too bogged down in reading long passages.

2. Review and learn grades 4, 5, and 6 of the 教育漢字 (きょういくかんじ) - elementary school kanji.

Status: Success

I made it through the review of the second half of the elementary school kanji in 2024. Would I say I've mastered it? No. But, I have more confidence in remembering these kanji (recognizing them and remembering on'yomi and kun'yomi), so I will call it a success.

3. Read at least one book every three months.

Status: Mostly Success

I did not read one book every three months, but I finished a few books this year, and I will call that a success. I would love to read more novels in Japanese, but time is not on my side, and I will have to be satisfied with reading a few each year. I always try to get into book clubs but I usually fall behind. I might just try reading books that I am interested in for next year.

4. Write at least one sentence in Japanese every day.

Status: Fail

I did not achieve this goal for the second or maybe third year in a row, and I really should stop trying to assign it to myself (at least in such a strict format). I did write, but not everyday, and I didn't get the sentences corrected unless they were going out to my in-laws or sometimes to the Japanese preschool moms. I would like to write more, as writing sentences can be more challenging than speaking for me.

5. Practice Japanese at least 10 minutes every day.

Status: Much Success

I at least achieved this goal! Attainable goals are the best goals, and I continually assign this goal to myself, since then I know I will achieve at least one of my goals each year ^.^

So what did I learn about my study habits in 2024?

I need a routine or I just tend to give up. Lack of time is my biggest excuse, so I need to stop trying to cram too much into each study session.

My goals may be too specific, but I think that keeping in mind what I want to focus on for the year is a good thing because it makes me actively seek out studying in that area.

My time is very limited thanks to work and family commitments, so focusing on what I've achieved is more important than mentally beating myself up for falling short of my goals or comparing myself to the progress that other people achieve.

Despite the fact that I spend at least 10 minutes a day on Japanese on a daily basis, I want everyone to know that I have times where I am unproductive or am just not in the mood to study, and that's ok - brain breaks are important, and anime is always an acceptable study method.

2024 Study Area Progress

The study areas I focus on and track are:

Vocabulary

Kanji

Grammar

Listening

Reading

Speaking

Writing

I mark down daily what area I focus on (not the amount of time, just whether or not I focused on studying in that area on that day), and I was interested to see that the distribution of where I focus my time throughout the year was more even than I thought. I probably do more Speaking than I mark down, and Vocabulary and Kanji tend to come along with the other areas, but Listening and Reading were my biggest areas of focus. I listen to podcasts, shows, and conversations so that makes sense, and in 2024 I've been trying to read more, even if it's just a bit at a time. Grammar is an area I consistently try to work on but I still don't get to spend a lot of time on it.

Below, I'd like to make a few notes about what worked well for studying each area and things that didn't work out so well.

Vocabulary

I post vocabulary 5 days a week on tumblr, and usually they are words I've encountered in books or conversations, but also I use words from JLPT lists. I want to learn vocabulary so I only do one a day, and I also try to use it in conversation soon after I learn it. This helps me cement it in my memory rather than just reading it and forgetting it.

Vocabulary lists are hard for me since there are so many words, and even if they are related by topic or kanji, I find it harder to grasp if there is a list rather than one word that I can internalize. I also like to try to make sentences with words so that I have an example, rather than just a word in a vacuum. I'd like to start looking up the kanji more often rather than just writing down the word and not paying as much attention to the kanji, so that I can improve my kanji skills as well.

Kanji

When I started out studying Japanese, I wrote down kanji multiple times as I learned it so that I could remember how to write it. Now that I'm a busy adult, it's a lot more difficult to do that, but I do try to make some time for kanji practice. I'd like to do more handwriting, but maybe when my son is older and has kanji homework. I am a big proponent of learning how to write kanji, but being able to recognize it is a big accomplishment as well. So I try not to feel too bad about myself because many Japanese people are losing the ability to write kanji out thanks to the digital age.

Kanji flash cards I find very helpful for a quick review, and it makes me aware of the kanji I have forgotten as well as the kanji I do not know. Memorizing kanji is probably most people's least favorite part about Japanese, but I like kanji because it is like a puzzle comprised of different components, and you need to remember how to put it together.

Grammar

I think that I enjoy studying grammar the most of all study areas. I spend a lot of time reviewing grammar that I am unfamiliar with, trying to find example sentences and then write my own. Just reading the definition of the grammar point doesn't cut it for me. I also then try to put it into practice in conversation, even if it's sometimes forced. Repetition is key for grammar. Flash cards do not work for me my brain just can't process that.

Listening

This year the biggest amount of listening I did was conversations with the Japanese mothers at my son's Japanese preschool. I try to emulate them, so that I fit in, so I try to pay close attention to how they speak while I listen in. I also pick up new vocabulary and hearing it multiple times helps to reinforce it.

Other listening I do is Japanese TV and movies, primarily children's shows, but also some variety shows and shows for older audiences. I also include music, Japanese language podcasts (mostly about learning Japanese), and Instagram/TikTok/Facebook videos in my listening repertoire.

I figured out this year that I must do active listening to achieve any benefit - I am too good at just blocking out ambient noise to get any benefit from passive listening. So if I am doing something that involves thinking I can't have something on for listening in the background because I'll pay no attention to it.

Reading

I enjoy reading in English, so I want to enjoy novels in Japanese as well. And now that my level is high enough, I try to read more in Japanese. However, it's a lot harder than listening, so it takes me a long time to get through novels. Manga are easier, but I still don't have a lot of free time to read them. So I try to fit in reading where I can, and I also read articles or shorter bits of media to keep up my reading practice. When I read novels what I really want is time to get into the story and not have to stop after a short stretch, but longer stretches for reading are harder for me to come by.

Speaking

My primary speaking practice comes from speaking with the Japanese moms at Japanese preschool. I try to emulate them because that's the kind of speaker I want to be, but of course my American habits come through anyways. I try to use that to my advantage, but I always shy away from using the "gaijin pass" (being able to get away with things due to being a foreigner). So I try not to use English words when I'm speaking unless I absolutely cannot describe what I'm trying to say; I try to speak properly and not take short cuts; and in general I try to pay attention to how they speak and incorporate it into my speech.

I find this important because we are teaching our son Japanese and I want to also be good at Japanese. It's my own personal pride in the end, but I want to make the effort. So I also get conversation speaking practice at home on a daily basis. Additionally, when I am listening to podcasts or sometimes TV shows, I will speak back to them (for practice, not because I'm weird, of course) and sort of emulate a conversation. When I first started studying Japanese I spoke to my dog, to my parents (who can't speak Japanese), to the TV, and to inanimate objects, because I didn't have a lot of opportunities to practice speaking outside of class. And even now, I still do some of these, because outside of work I use almost exclusively Japanese when speaking.

Writing

Writing is where I always spend the least time in Japanese. Writing digitally even is a stretch, but writing by hand almost never happens. I want to dedicate time to writing but I have a lot to balance and I just don't make it happen. I want corrections, but I don't log into HiNative or HelloTalk to write sentences for corrections. I do write texts to the Japanese preschool moms, and also to my in-laws, and often I get them corrected because I have an overwhelming anxiety that people are judging my Japanese and finding it lacking.

I think that more writing practice will make me feel more confident, but Japanese writing involves so many cushion words that you need to include (open with a greeting, talk about the weather, inquire after their children, then get to the point of the message) that I find it stressful to write formal messages. I also want to write one-off sentences for practice, but I just don't make time for it (I'm really tired at the end of the day, and that's when I have time, but I just want to doom scroll). Someday I will write sentences, I believe in myself.

2024 Study Materials

I don't mean this to be a comprehensive list, but I wanted to jot down some of the books and other materials I used in 2024 to study Japanese, in case anyone else is interested (and also cos I tend to forget).

Books for Review

日本語総まとめN2 (Series) - The So-matome series is a good one for reviewing the different subject areas of Japanese that are required on the JLPT. I wouldn't recommend it as a standalone textbook, since it doesn't go into very deep review, but as a review workbook, the series is good. I know there are many series for review out there, but I have seen a lot of progress with So-matome. (Japanese and English).

Books for Fun

にゃんこ四字熟語辞典 - This book combines 4-character kanji idioms and full-page photos of cats, and so if you would like to learn and remember 4-character kanji idioms and you like cats, I would recommend this book. I think it is also good as a coffee table book. (Japanese only).

Books for Improving Speaking

わかる!話せる!日本語会話 発展文型125 (Speak Japanese! series) - This book introduces 125 sentence patterns for use in daily conversation. This is the intermediate book in the series, and has three parts - "Basic Sentence Styles by Form," "Basic Sentence Styles by Purpose," and "Basic Sentence Styles for Conveying Detailed Nuances." Familiarizing yourself with the sentence patterns as well as listening to the audio and shadowing will help improve your sentence forming ability on the fly. (Japanese with English).

尊敬語から美化語まで 外国人のための日本語敬語の使い方 基本表現85 (Speak Japanese! series) - This book introduces keigo and how to use it in everyday conversations. Since keigo is difficult even for native Japanese speakers, this goes into detail for Japanese learners. If you'd like to strengthen your understanding of and ability to use keigo, this is a valuable resource. (Japanese with English).

「表現力」に差がつく! 12歳までに知っておきたい言い換え図鑑 - This book focuses on how you phrase certain things when you speak to other people. While intended for older children to help them be more empathetic in their language choices, it is interesting to read about the nuances of the Japanese language, and to think about how you phrase things in a language that likes to avoid being direct. (Japanese only).

Books for Improving Reading

10分で読める伝記 1年生 - This series contains bite-sized biographies (10 minutes) of famous personages, which is ideal for reading in short periods of time. You learn something about a famous person as well as practicing reading in Japanese. I started out with the book for first graders, and would like to eventually read the other books in the series for older students. (Japanese only).

日本の歴史366 - This is a page-a-day book about Japanese history, intended for elementary school students. The one-page format makes it easy to read about historical events, and I often found myself looking up the events in more detail. (Japanese only).

Apps

renshuu.org - I use this primarily for flashcards for vocabulary & kanji

Todaii JP - I usually use this app to read articles, but it offers videos and other ways to practice Japanese

Japanese Pod 101 - I had a subscription to this site this year, and they give you lots of freebies, mostly aimed at beginners, but there is plenty of material for upper levels. The listening and quizzes on the learning track were my favorite parts.

In Conclusion (TL;DR)

If you have made it this far, I am impressed ^.^ Thanks for hanging out with me this year, and I hope that you will join me again in 2025 for more Japanese fun!

I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about studying Japanese, and actively trying to incorporate new things into my Japanese arsenal. I don't have a lot of time to study so I try to make the most of the time I have. Making Japanese a part of my daily life is the thing that propelled me from zero to hero (ok I'm still at the intermediate plateau but I don't think there's a stop to get off any time soon) so I encourage the students I've TA'd and even the casual learners I know to try to incorporate a little Japanese every day. There's no magical formula, but you too can become 日本語上手 if you just work at it.

Thank you all for the support, likes, comments, and reblogs in 2024! Wishing you the best in 2025!

[xxnashiraxx]

🍩 🥂 🏹 🏆🎨 🎸🚗 🚓 🏝 🧸 💌

ALL OF THEM. FIX THE HURT YOU MONSTER. (I’m kidding I’m kidding ilysm BUT FIX IT NOWWWW)

Y-yes ma'am 🥺 Answering from this post!

🍩Their Favorite Snack to Eat Together?

Well.. Astarion can't really eat, unfortunately. But I've taken it upon myself to make it so the tadpoles let you share sensation and taste, I am pretty sure I just made this up in my head and it's in no way canon. Their favorite eventual taste experience to share would be sweets from Ofelia to him, and he'd share how her blood tastes to him with her. That'll be a fun one to write (and potentially really hot)!

🥂What Would Happen if They Got Drunk Together?

Ahhh I also really intend on writing something like this in the future, but I think if they're both inebriated, they'd be super giggly and fun and annoy everyone around them. 😊

🏹 How Would They Fight Together in a Battle? (answered in this post!)

I love this question sm!! I think Ofelia would be the bardic inspo buff for Astarion's sneak sniper shots, or back-to-back in close quarters, Ofelia isn't much of a martial fighter but she's an eye/back-of-the-knee slasher and she's got the punches so in a pinch they'd be able to protect themselves if surrounded!

🏆Their Reaction to the Other Beating Them at Something?

I think they're both extremely competitive and Ofelia would throw a fit if he beat her at anything and vice versa. I think she'd always keep it as civil as possible, he may go too far every once in a while, but if he did she'd use the big brown eyes trump card and he'd feel bad!

🎨Their Favorite Activity to Do Together? (answered in this post!)

Once I get there, Astarion likes to listen to her play music from her world for him. Also, once he warms up to the idea, dancing! He'd also like sewing while she played her instrument or painted. 💕

🎸The Song That Describes Them the Best?

I did this one in a previous ask, but I have no shortage of music for them! I would choose Darkness At the Heart of My Love by Ghost for them too! I feel like this is a good post-confession or later story Astarion-to-Ofelia song. Some of my favorite lyrics:

There's a darkness at the heart of my love, That runs cold, runs deep. The darkness at the heart of my love for you, And all this time you knew, That I would put you through, The darkness at the heart of my love for you,

🚗Which One Drives and Which One Picks the Music?

I've only very very briefly touched on this in the past in an OC Asks post, but Ofelia is actually not fond of driving and has been in a car accident (minor but still traumatic). She doesn't like it and uses the bus to get to school and work or she just walks. If it were her and Astarion, he'd be driving and ofc she'd be choosing the music.

🚓Which One is Most Likely to Get Arrested?

These two are both practiced and time-honored swipers- I feel like she'd be a bit more cool as a cucumber and he'd be the one that gets them into trouble, lol.

🏝 Their Ideal Getaway? (answered in this post!)

I think they'd like to go somewhere peaceful like the woods or some isolated place far from civilization 💗Cabins, some kind of stormy cape!

🧸Which One is the Little Spoon & Which is the Big Spoon? (answered in this post!)

Ofelia is big spoon. She's the warm one and it's perfect symbiosis to be wrapped in warmth for Astarion and for her to cling to something cooler since she runs hot.

💌A Love Note From One to the Other?

I also did this one in a previous ask, but I could do another! Let's pretend their packing each a lunch or something!

Ofelia:

Here's your favorite, type o negative, hehe! Have a good day sweetheart and try not to cause too much trouble! Love you, mwah! 💕

Astarion:

If I get one more reference to that god-awful music you like, I won't be packing your lunch with notes anymore. I tried to make you a sandwich but cutting the bread sounded tedious, so I left one of my daggers in the bag. Enjoy, darling. Oh, and I love you too.

He really likes Type O Negative when she plays it for him, he's just a bitch about her being obsessed with Peter Steele.

Thank you again, my love!! 💗💗

[lotusarchon]

Might go on a hiatus, but not sure currently. This is an impulsive ass post, and an impulsive ass decision, and I have bad habits of sticking to my plans. For now, yeah, it's in my mind. I might uninstall Tumblr too...

Respectfully, please do not send me any type of ask. The only reason I'm keeping my ask box open is for the aesthetic (cough), but I prefer for it to remain empty until I remove myself from this "hiatus."

Yes, I will still be writing, but overall I'm going to stick to AO3 for the time. Maybe return to Wattpad too but yeah.

tw vent under the cut. not important and not vital so don't feel obliged to read, i just gotta get it out.

I...I've tried, man. I've tried a lot to feel better, and pretend, but it's not. Working. Nothing works.

I..I'm just a really bad person, I think. People are gonna argue, "No, you're not a bad person!" You don't know that. You don't know what I feel inside to think that. I went out of my way to harass someone, on their Twitter and Tumblr, just because I was fucking drunk and upset and lonely. I went out of my way to bother them despite being the one attempting to put distance. I..stressed out, people. Stressed them out, because my behavior was borderline obsessive and holy fuck, seeing that message still hurts because of how right it was.

I'm such. I'm such a bad person. I'm horrible. I fucked up my own relationships, and now I'm never gonna get it back. I'm never gonna be able to talk to that person again because of my own selfish stupid ways and it hurts so bad.

And I'm trying. I'm trying to stop thinking about it, and I'm trying my hardest not to care but I can't. Fucking stop. And it's suffocating and it hurts and I'm so stupid. For everything. Everything hurts, everything really hurts and I just don't know what to do.

I've always been told to talk to a trusted adult. I wish people understood that I can't. The closest to an adult I can trust is myself, and I'm dumb so that's fun.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying. I'm not...gonna drown my worries in alcohol again. Definitely not, nor am I gonna try to...overdose, at least. Or cut, owch. Not a fun way to die. Too scary, and waaaay too painful.

I still want to die though. I still feel the need to die. I feel awful. I'm so horrible, I'm so fucking awful. I screw up everything, then I want things back but I can't get it back. Not this time around.

And I just feel like there's just no more point in doing this. Playing this game of live today, wish to die tomorrow. There's no point.

I. I wish I was a better person. I wish I didn't fuck up every single one of my friendships, and hurt the people I care about. I wish I didn't. Exist. I wish I hadn't join Tumblr, because then I wouldn't have met these people, and my life...would be easier. Because I'd be lonely, but at least I was happy.

I'm tired, and I want. To sleep forever. Because at least in my dreams I'm a better person. At least in my dreams, I don't fuck up every thing.

...

I'm not saying I'm gonna actually kill myself yet, though lmfao. They're thoughts but I'm not acting on them.

Not yet, anyway.

I'm gonna be active on my AO3, or try to be, but if I stop posting or don't post, then these are my final words.

You bitches gay. Love y'all though. Hopefully I don't die and I come back to beat you guys up, but eh.

In case I'm not back. Bye bye! Thank you all for the support and niceness. I'm sorry to the ones I've hurt, harassed and annoyed. From the bottom of my heart, I'm super sorry, unintentional or not. I'm sorry. To this one specific person, you're my cool lil bro, and I'm happy to have met you and I hope life gets better for you. And offer my apologies to you know who still, I hope one day they'll forgive me but if not...blegh.

Also I was the number one Erlang fan.

If I come back though, you guys are gay and also I'm beating you all up and there's nothing you can do about it okay byeeeeeeeeeee

[balrogballs]

Lord Balls First of Her Name, I am going to ask you a non feral question for once. I was so taken by your essay I had to re read it, I knew you’re a writer but that was Writing, and yeah. I see why. It made me bawl, Balls! I wanted to ask, if you can talk about something you find hard about writing, like anything you struggle with? I’ve always been curious if published authors still suffer Imposter syndrome, or if that goes away at any point

Don’t apologise at all, I love the question and it gave me a lot of food for thought! Also “it made me bawl, Balls” ended me LMAOOO

Answer under the cut so as to not flood anyone’s feed!

The main thing I struggle with is actually worldbuilding, and you can certainly see that across some of my works. As in, not as a weakness per se, but rather my tendency to use out-of-universe history or literary references as a crutch rather than purely as enhancement.

I actually only realised it recently when trying to think of a piece of imagery for The Sword Tree, from the POV of a character rather than a reader — I had reached out immediately to a crucifixion metaphor to serve as both a symbol of violence and the start of a new age, but then had to pause and think about why the fuck an in-universe character would think of that. Aka whilst Tolkien was a big fan of Biblical imagery and the readers would also recognise it, Maedhros would have no clue what the Bible was. In the end I went with another symbol, Gil-galad bursting into flame at the foot of Orodruin (which the re-embodied Maedhros didn’t see either, but would obviously have known of, living in Aman). But yeah my initial urge is always to reach for the real-world theological or literary.

Another is that I’m very unadventurous when it comes to style — I’ll happily write across genre and category, but I don’t really divulge from my general writing style, which is essentially that of an omniscient ‘oral storyteller’, sometimes breaking the fourth wall to directly address the reader etc, unadventurous because this is very similar to my irl writing style and is quite common in “world literature”.

I will say imo with the style aspect it works relatively well when writing for Tolkien fandom because the original text itself is told by a similarly conscious ‘storyteller’ so it tends to read okay in general! But it has NOT worked in some other fandoms I’ve written for, however — Naruto is one I can think of off the top of my head.

As in, it can sound like I’m rather up my own ass — I think quite a few of my earlier non-Tolkien works on FFnet (all scrubbed from internet) suffer from this. It’s okay in small doses for sure, but anything longer than a oneshot got grating to read.

However, this might be because I’m very, very self critical — another flaw I think! One that definitely comes from writing in the same style as I do IRL. I tend to beat myself up a ton over prose, tiny stylistic things, delete works in retrospect that I’m not happy with, and treat anything I write as something that should be of publishable standard — it’s genuinely a damaging habit both for myself as well as how fanfic should be viewed (there’s no need for fanfic to be of publishable standard!!! it’s not meant to be published!!! It’s for fun!!!). I don’t do this when I read, not at all, and I enjoy everything I read in the spirit of fanfic and love reading stuff others have written – but yeah when it comes to me, I can be a bit of a self flagellant.

Aka I was cool to admit the ass slapping Lindir smut to a publisher bc it was nicely written but if it was say my old Penny Dreadful fics I would just be like NEVER HEARD OF HER

It’s something I’m actively working on, and have been quite good with recently, in that I’ll only take something down with an actual good reason aka if I intend to make structural changes and repost, rather than “oh no this paragraph is not as great as it could be”.

Also re: imposter syndrome, I debuted at 25 with no creative writing qualifications or writing portfolio, so it is still unfortunately a burden I bear hahaha.

And thank you so much for the kind words about the essay — I always feel very at home writing creative non fiction, and sometimes prefer it to fiction (though not fanfic 🤪).

Hope this answers the questions, feel free to ask again if I didn’t!