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clowningaroundmars · 6 months ago

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Hobie1610 pt. 2

after god knows how long (months tho tbh), i am happy to present: hobie1610 part dos! In this installment, we see how Miles eventually rounds right back to Hobie Jones to apologize after pt. 1's gigantic blunder

hope y'all enjoy! :)

>pt. 1 here<

>pt. 3 here<

It was several weeks into the first semester-- with winter just right around the corner-- before Miles finally got around to confronting the little Hobie Problem that he had.

Being laden with pounds upon pounds of assignments to get done before the holidays and then trying to keep up with Spiderman duties on top of it all, managing his parents’ overwhelming expectations once again, and trying to survive as a teenager in general forced his first day blunder onto the back burner for much longer than Miles would have liked.

Sure, his anxiety is a bitch sometimes, and it holds him back from directly addressing a lot of issues in his life, but Rio didn’t raise any neanderthal. Miles knew that when he messed up, he messed up.

Problem is, every time he’s tempted to just reach a hand out to his dimension’s Hobie Br-- Jones, pat his shoulder lightly, pull him into a corner somewhere during lunch maybe, and finally man up and apologize… that’s when some crook starts some problems downtown, or some mad scientist finally snaps somewhere and starts to wreak havoc with crazy gadgets a bit too unnervingly close to his neighborhood.

Or Miles gets back to his dorm room and sees that he has an assignment due the very next day that he hasn’t even had the chance to hop on yet, because of aforementioned crooks and mad scientists.

It was all driving him crazy.

And so now here he was, up on a rooftop in the middle of a chilly fall day, hanging out with his inter-dimensional besties (who he lightheartedly calls the Spider Squad but he hasn’t quite brought that up to them yet).

They were on a lunch break after pummeling and restraining some prisoners-- who somehow got out of the Raft-- that tried to make their way across the Brooklyn Bridge. Miles sure appreciated the help, which was one of the many positives of letting Hobie Brown make dimension watches for everyone, mostly so they could all help another Spider shoulder the burdens that usually befell them.

But the teens-- being teens, of course-- also used their watches to just pop into an open portal and hang out with each other as often as they could. Who could blame them? Being a superhero and a kid was overwhelming most of the time. Sometimes they needed a listening ear or a supportive shoulder to cry on every now and then, and getting the opportunity to chill and explore a whole new world for them was always a thrill.

(Miles himself could never deny the excitement of getting to go to Mumbattan for shopping trips every so often, either.)

So with all of that in mind it was tempting to, after seeing the long and lanky punk Spiderman climb through his own multi-colored portal, ask Hobie if he could go back to New London with him. He needed to get something off of his chest.

Hobie, languidly as ever, hikes a skinny shoulder up in a nonchalant shrug and goes “ye’ sure, mate. Somethin’ up, or?”

Pavitr leans forward from his conversation with Gwen-- the little snoop, goddamnit-- and swallows a particularly big bite of his sandwich. “Oooooh, Miles and Hobie? Alone, in New London? Wow!” He elbows Gwen, who shakes her head and snorts into her bottled juice.

Miles puffs up. “Hey, it’s not like that! We just need to talk. In private. Nothing’s wrong, I uh… I just need some advice. That’s all!”

Hobie’s grin is full of teeth. “Waidaminnit. Miles Morales... Thee Great Miles Morales, needin’ my advice? Interesting!” His freeform locs bob and wiggle teasingly with every movement of his head.

Feeling put on the spot, Miles pouts as he picks at some lint on his spider suit and finishes off his soda as quickly as he can manage.

Gwen, bless her heart, notices his discomfort and scooches closer to him on the rooftop ledge. “… Is everything alright, by the way? It isn’t anything bad, is it?”

Miles glances at her before returning his gaze to the concrete several stories below. “Uhm, nah. Nah, it’s… y’know, it’s just more inter-dimensional weirdness. But I’m sure I can fix it. I think,”

He then shoots her a grateful smile for her considerate check-in, and pulls his mask back down over the lower half of his face. Gwen understands this as his “I’ll be back for another check-in later,” behavior and simply nods back. She knows not to push him.

“Well,” Hobie unfolds himself from his position on some scaffolding on the side of building, straightening himself up to his full height and stretching, “I’m all finished, then. Prob'ly not a good idea to go swingin’ on full stomachs, though. Let’s take a quick walk before headin’ home, yeah?”

Miles grabs Hobie’s hand and helps him hoist himself up over the ledge, and the teens all gather their trash into one plastic bag together. They chatter and slip their masks on as they casually walk down the side of the half-constructed building, finally touching down onto the concrete alleyways and relishing the quiet of an empty block before heading to the congested streets of downtown Brooklyn.

They all eventually bid each other their farewells after a few quick photo ops from excited New Yorkers, but of course not before Pavitr leans into Miles’ ear conspiratorially and whispers: “Let me know how it goes, bro! Good luck!”

Pav punches Miles on the shoulder lightly and winks at him, then he does a backflip into his golden-bright portal and blinks out of existence.

Miles rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Does he want me and Hobie to be together, or me and you? I can never tell with that guy,” he groans at Gwen, whose shoulders are shaking with badly-concealed laughter.

“I think he just watches too many of those soap operas, honestly. Trashy daytime TV will do that to a guy sometimes.” She quips just as humorlessly.

Miles gives her a sidelong glance and a smirk. “Right. Rots your brain. Poor Pav!”

Gwen and Hobie laugh at that as Gwen pulls up her own portal.

“I’m thinkin’ we need t’ stage an intervention, really.” Hobie adds.

“Yes, and soon,” Miles points out.

“I’ll see what I can do to pull him away from those shows, but you know how his aunt is,” Gwen snorts. “Plus, I’m pretty sure Pav is just a huge romantic anyways, soaps or no soaps.”

“When I’ve got relationship issues, I guess I know the guy to go to, then,” Miles shrugs, then throws Gwen a casual salute goodbye.

She stands in front of white and multi-colored splotches of watercolor floating out from her dimensional portal as she salutes Miles back, giving Hobie a quick wave. “Let me know how your little inter-dimensional weirdness problem goes too, Miles! Talk to us in the groupchat every once in a while!”

And like that, she’s gone.

So now Hobie and Miles were left alone together.

Standing in the middle of a dirty alleyway on a cold autumn afternoon wasn’t Miles’ exact definition of a good time, though… why wasn’t Hobie opening his own portal right now? Miles turns his mask’s gigantic white eyes up to his dimensional variant (and boy was that a weird thing to think about when Hobie brought that up one day during a Spider Sleepover at Gwen’s) and gives him a pointed stare.

Hobie’s own painted eyes meet his.

“So…” Miles says.

“So…” Hobie says, his grin evident in his voice.

“Are we or are we not going back to yours?” Miles stuck his fists on his hips impatiently.

“First,” Hobie says as he holds up a long skinny finger, “I gotta know what this is about. ‘Cause we all know you, Miles. I don’t wanna enable any avoidant behaviors, mate. You know how it is.”

“What?!” Miles throws up his hands in the air. “Dude! SO not cool! You are not my dad.”

Hobie shakes his head. “You know I’m right, though. This ain’t about your parents, is it?”

Goddamn Hobie and his parental instincts. When is this guy ever going to get off of mom duty?

Miles huffs. “No, Hobie. It’s not. Look. I just, uh… if you don’t wanna go back to your dimension, then can we get away from like… this area in general, please?”

Hobie hummed in thought, then shrugged and shot a web up to a nearby street lamp. Together, the two Spidermen swung through the concrete jungle that was earth-1610’s New York City until they ended up somewhere near the Financial District in Manhattan, happening upon a sort of indoor rooftop terrace party that a bunch of corporate yuppie-looking people were enjoying behind giant glass windows. A few of those yuppies were out onto the actual rooftop smoking and talking amongst themselves in the cold while the party bumped along behind them.

The sun was setting quickly, and darkness descended upon both Spiderman as they scaled a nearby building and sat on a water tank to secretly watch the party from a little ways away. Miles took solace in the dark most times, and drank up the view of what few stars could be seen in the New York City skyline.

The clouds were scarce on this particular fall evening, so the red and yellow hues on the horizon were completely uninterrupted. Miles’ dimension took on an almost ethereal glow sometimes, and during this time of day, he was more than grateful for it.

Hobie was silent as he watched the sun set alongside Miles, until the entire city was enshrouded in darkness and the stars of the cosmos seemed to have fallen from the heavens and landed right onto the buildings and bridges laid out all before them. Lights from cars making their nightly rounds and tall buildings glittered all around them, and just beyond the skyscrapers, bits of the Upper Bay could be seen shimmering and reflecting the glittery light right back.

It was breathtaking. Beautiful.

But time was running out. They couldn’t sit here and watch the scenery and the people from several hundred feet away forever. Miles also knew Hobie had stuff to deal with in his own world, a million miles away from anything he could ever know. With a world-weary sigh, Miles finally takes his mask off fully and winds it up and around his hands, over and over.

“Your problem botherin’ you that much, Mi?” Hobie grins at his friend, taking his own mask off and running a hand through his locs.

“It’s just… I…” Miles chews on the inside of his cheek, wondering how to proceed.

It really was a weird problem to have, all things considered. There aren't many instances where someone pisses off a dimensional variant of their friend, and they have another version of that very same friend right by their side to ask how to even go about fixing the rift they caused in the first place.

“It’s just that I... like… I messed up pretty badly, right? And I know it’s totally my fault,” Miles is speaking quickly now, bottled up words now spilling forth like water, “but my anxiety started spiking up randomly out of nowhere and I just blew it, man. I wasn’t really thinking. Well, actually, I was. I was overthinking but I didn’t really mean to leave this guy hanging for so long afterwards and--”

Hobie throws a leg over his other one, propping himself onto an arm and leaning back to face Miles. “Okay. Okay, Miles, that’s cool. Thanks for the disclaimer, bruv, but we’re gonna have to start from the beginning.” He chuckles.

Miles laughs nervously. “Right, right. Yeah,” he takes a breath, licks his lips and tries again.

“So… on my first day of school I bumped into… you. I mean, not you, I mean like my dimension’s version of you.”

Hobie raised a pierced brow. “Wait, there’s another me here, too?”

“Yeah, yeah and I just almost crashed right into-- wait.” Miles’ brain took a second to buffer. “What do you mean too?”

“Ehhh, we found another me in some odd dimension or another. Y’know, like, one of those ones we don’t go to often. It was whatever,” Hobie shrugs casually.

Miles had a couple of questions about that but he decided to stick to the topic and not get distracted for now. “... Right, cool. So yeah, I almost crashed into you at Visions, except it wasn’t you.”

Hobie nodded. “You almost crashed into Not Me. Got it.”

“… Because I was late for class and not really, uh, thinking. Like at all. But it was you, you know what I mean? Not You is super bad at directions and navigating buildings, I guess, so I helped him out. Annddd I guess he wanted to be my friend afterwards, but.”

“Mhmm,” Hobie hums, in a tone that sounded a lot like him saying go on, then.

“Did you, uh… did you know your name is Jones sometimes?” Miles scratches at his ear awkwardly. “Hobie Jones, not Hobie Brown. It was weird when I found out, because another student said his full name and so that’s how I found out in the first place,”

Hobie inhales. “Hmm! Interesting. Dunno that I like the sound of that, if we’re gonna be honest here. Doesn’t really roll off the tongue the same, I think. But alright. Why’s that so important?”

“Uhhh,”

Hm. Shit. This was the part Miles dreaded getting to in the first place.

How was he going to put into words the weird dread that befell him upon learning that this Jones character might very well be this dimension’s version of his MJ? How could he possibly explain the thrilling electricity that races up and down his spine everytime he totally does not think about dating, kissing, possibly even having children with this other Hobie? How was he going to get that across to this super-cool, super-hot, super-put-together version of him?

Speaking those kinds of words out loud right to Hobie’s chiseled face made Miles slightly nauseous. He opted to circumnavigate that little problem altogether.

“Listen, don’t ask, okay? Seriously, man, I’m not playin’. Buuuut… if I pissed you off real bad, how would. Like, how could I make it up to you, theoretically speaking?”

Hobie exhaled a laugh. Miles could see his bright grin even in the low lighting of the night. “Huh? How’d you go from helpin’ Not Me out to pissin’ ‘im off all of the sudden? We’re missin' a step there, Milesie. C’mon now,”

Miles laughed too. “Ho-biieee, I already told you, man!” He hated how whiny he sounded, but this really wasn’t the time. “You cannot ask me about it!”

Hobie tossed his head like a horse. “Oh my god, mate. I can’t give ya solid advice when I don’t even know what the hell I’m givin’ advice for. I gotta know what happened, bruv, what’d ya do?”

“Just--! Ugh,” Miles deflated. “I maybe sorta... ditched him all of a sudden. Like, out of nowhere. When he, uh, when he needed me.”

Hobie’s glittering eyes bore holes into Miles’ hot face. “Mhmm? Why for?”

“Hobie, for the love of all that is good in the world, just--! Throw me a bone, here, man. I am dying of embarrassment right now!” He buried his face in his hands as Hobie rocked back with laughter.

“Why’d ya ditch ‘im?! That doesn’t sound like ya, Mi. Sounds like a real wick thing, but not a Morales thing to do. C’mon, what did Not Me say to you? You can pretend I’m him and I’ll apologize an’ everything.”

“No no no no, Hobie you don’t get it,” Miles sighed. “He didn’t do or say anything. That’s the thing. I just… I freaked out I guess, when I looked up his name and saw that he was a super accomplished model and everything. He’s got thousands of followers on Flickstagram, even. But I just…! I dunno what my brain was doing to me, once I saw that. I guess I just had a mini panic attack and just… bounced. Then, obviously I had tons of homework and Spiderman stuff to deal with, so ever since then, we’ve just been avoiding each other in the halls and I haven’t had any time to even tell him anything. I really messed up, man.”

Hobie was unnervingly silent as he thought for a good minute. The night had really fallen thick onto the city and the temperatures were dropping fast. Miles could barely see his own breath clouding in front of him or even Hobie’s face now that the darkness completely enshrouded them both, and it made him a little nervous.

“So…” Miles prodded carefully.

“Super accomplished model and everything, eh?” Hobie quietly asked after a little while. Miles couldn’t see Hobie’s expression, but he could hear the rhythmic rubbing of fabric against fabric as Hobie rubbed at his arm with a gloved hand.

“Uhhyup.” Miles confirmed.

“Hm. Utterly fascinated now, mate. Tell me more about this other me, then. He cool like me, or a total neurotic space cadet?”

Miles rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, I can’t tell you much. We haven’t gotten to talk much. I guess you can be the judge, here’s his social media here...”

He then pulls his phone out of a recently-added pocket he found the time to sew onto his suit, taking inspiration from his mother’s own yoga leggings that she got as a birthday gift a few months before. The fact that spandex was able to hold so much but still stay so snug against your body was nothing short of a modern miracle, in Miles’ opinion. He was grateful for it now as he unlocked his phone and tapped on Hobie M. Jones’ page right out of the search history on his phone’s Flickstagram app.

Once he hands his phone to his friend, he has to resist the urge to suck in a breath as he watches the bright light from his screen illuminate Hobie’s features in ways he’s never seen before.

Hobie takes a second to scroll for a bit and Miles watches as the light plays across his features with just a bit more rapt attention than he normally would. Must be getting late, and Miles’ brain has historically been known not to work very well when he was tired.

Then, Hobie handed the phone back to Miles and folded his arms across his knees.

“Interesting, interesting,” was all he muttered. Thankfully, he did not comment on the “M. Jones” part of the username.

Miles tried lightening the mood. “Let me guess. You hate him because he’s not a fascist-fighting punk like you, huh.”

“I can’t be th’ judge of that, Miles. You know social media ain’t real life, and all that just looked like his portfolio to me, if we’re gonna be honest.” He checked his spiked bracelet in the light of Miles’ lit up screen. “I think that this other me doesn’t really feel too comfortable openin’ up and lettin’ other people see who he really is, though. So if you do go off an’ apologize to ‘im, I don’t think it’ll be very easy to gain his trust back.”

“Hold on,” Miles shakes his head and tucks his phone away again. “You got all that from looking at his Flicksta for not even a minute? How do you even know all of that?”

“’Cause he’s me, bruv. I know that look on his face, on those candids. Even them professional shots look… like, well, I dunno how t’ explain it. I guess it’s just sort of like--”

“If you know, you know?” Miles puts in.

“Mm,” Hobie smiles and nods. “Yep. That. He’s… withdrawn. Held back. I ‘unno… doesn’t seem like he has many friends.”

Miles sits back to think about the distant and carefully-put together mask that Hobie Jones slipped onto his face back when an annoying student butted into their conversation just before 2nd period that fateful day. Not to mention how famous he seemed, that the whole school wanted to pull him into a million different directions just for some selfies and autographs in general…

“He’s famous. He has a billboard up near the school, even,” Miles says without thinking.

“That explains it, then.”

Miles thought aloud for a bit. “He told me that I was the only person in the world who didn’t look at him like he was made out of solid gold. Hmmm,”

“Right then. That’s a start, eh?”

Miles sighed. “I-if… if someone who you thought could be like, your only friend in the whole world. Your only real friend… if that person abandoned you out of nowhere, with no explanation… how would I go about making it up to you?”

Hobie doesn’t comment on the phrasing of that question, either. He lays a warm hand on Miles’ cold shoulder and squeezes.

“Listen, Mi. You’re real special, you already know that. If he liked ya enough to wanna be your friend the very same day you two met, then I bet you can come up with somethin’ that’ll stick eventually. That being said… a little food ain’t never hurt no one.”

They stare at each other in the dark for a second.

“Uh, what?” Miles asks.

“Y’know. Like a peace offering. Bring ‘im a peace offering, make your apology, and then leave the poor kid alone. Let ‘im sorta… well, let ‘im kinda just chase you a little bit, right?”

Miles’ brow was raised high now. “What, like. Just leave some food and a note for him at lunch or something? Dude, that is so lame!”

“It’s about the mystique, mate. Trust me. Gotta keep the intrigue up, don’t crowd him too much or else you’ll scare man away, right? I hate when people grovel at my feet if I’m gonna be dead honest with ya. Don’t make too much of a big deal of it, and he just might forgive ya. You two'll be holdin' hands in no time,”

“Is that it? Is it really that easy?” Miles was skeptical.

Hobie shrugs and removes his hand from Miles’ shoulder. “Hell if I know, but if he’s anything like me, it just might work. Just be prepared to take it on the chin if he doesn’t forgive you in the end, though. Gettin’ ditched like that with no warning’s a bit hard on someone who’s never had any friends to lean on in the first place.”

Made sense to Miles. He shrugged, nodded, and then had only one question left to ask.

“… Cool. Got it. So, uh. What kinda food do you like, anyways?”

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And that was how Miles ended up making a quick run (swing, really) over to his favorite Jamaican store for a dinner plate with some beef patties thrown in during the next day’s lunch period.

He couldn’t afford to be seen by security, so he suited up at his usual place on the rooftop of the school and sailed down to retrieve his peace offering as quickly as he could before lunch was over.

What luck, that he had the same lunch as Hobie Jones! Made this whole run a pretty easy thing to do at all, which was always a bonus.

Once he made his way back to the school, he hurriedly stuffed his mask back into his bag and practically jumped back into his uniform, not even taking the time to stop and check if his suit was properly hidden. No time for that, when the period was almost over and he hadn’t even gotten a bite to eat for himself.

Miles also took the time to write up what he hoped was a sufficiently appropriate apology note the previous night after getting back to his dorm room at a late hour, and he tucked that into the crinkled paper bag as carefully as he could manage. A grease-stained apology note was definitely not a cool thing to receive, especially from someone who wronged you out of nowhere and wasn’t even man enough to say that apology to your face.

He arranged everything as best he could while flying down several flights of stairs down to the cafeteria.

Once Miles pushes past the double doors into the large cafeteria area, he feels the tightness in his chest and the heat radiating from his gut outwards intensify more as he gets closer to his target.

It takes a bit of wandering to finally spot Hobie, but then Miles sees him: sat at a table near the center of the room. He’s surrounded by a bunch of fake friends all talking loudly over one another and trading phones over their meals. Hobie Jones himself looks forlorn even when in the middle of a group, surrounded on all sides by bodies he doesn’t even look directly at, even when he turns his head slightly to speak to them.

Well, shit.

Miles was not expecting Hobie to have fallen into so large a group of friends so soon. He spotted the same girl who pulled him aside for a selfie that one time sat at the same table, and her and her little posse were just gossiping loudly about any and everyone.

Miles found his feet stuck to the floor upon finally laying eyes on the scene.

Ugh. God. A bunch of preps poking their noses into his and Hobie’s business while probably begging to read the very private note that Miles wrote for him was absolutely not anywhere in his list of things he’d like to experience today.

So Miles did a sudden about-face and walked away quickly, before he was even spotted.

Plan B was set in motion, then: give the bag over to Hobie before the next period.

Miles always dreaded the class he and Hobie shared right after lunch. The awkwardness subsided after a while, since it was kinda hard to feel so bad about The Incident when the entire class had to cram for quizzes and do research for essays, but the pit in Miles’ stomach as he purposefully averted his gaze away from that corner of the room was never easy to ignore.

But now, after weeks of gloom and doom, Miles found himself actually being excited for the bell to ring. He quietly made his way upstairs to the top level and slipped into the classroom as gracefully as he could manage.

Sure, he was nervous as hell about it all, at the end of the day. But he wanted this little problem that’s been put away for far too long to just… finally be done and over with. If for nothing else, he just wanted one less student at Visions hating his guts, really.

He placed the paper bag onto Hobie’s chair and scooted it underneath the desk to hide it from the rest of the classroom. The last thing he needed was some other nosy student swiping it up and rifling through the contents before Hobie could see it.

Miles ate part of his sandwich in the peace and quiet of the classroom, enjoying what precious little minutes he had until the bell rang and everyone-- including the teacher-- filed in to start the class’s lessons of the day.

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Miles’ simple plan was a success, just as his buddy Hobie Brown had predicted.

Hobie Jones had read the note quietly in his corner of the room and hastily shoved the dinner plate into his backpack soon after.

Miles didn’t know if that meant he was forgiven or not, but at least he took the (probably cold) food with him and read the note without tearing it up into a million pieces, so at least Miles had that going for him.

There was one last step to really clinch the victory, though; an invitation to meet up at the rooftop later that day, before the last bell finally rung and let all of the kids out of the school for the day. Miles still had a lot to get off his chest that he couldn’t quite lay down on paper, and he needed to properly apologize to Hobie’s face to finally put his conscience at ease.

Whether or not Hobie took the invitation was left up in the air, really.

Miles made sure to try and get a head start so he could make it up there before Hobie could, but he made sure to add “be up at the rooftop by 3:30pm if you’re coming or I’m bouncing” to the end of the note, because as much as he wanted to make amends with his dimension’s Hobie, he was not going to let petty school drama get in the way of Spiderman-ing.

Miles was a man of standards, and he held himself to some level of professionalism, thank you very much!

It was cold that day, very cold.

Miles was lowkey regretting his decision to meet outside now as he tucked his chin deeper into his big puffer jacket, warming his hands with his warm breath before shoving them into his pockets.

He hoped Hobie had gotten used to getting around the hallways a bit more now, and that he could find his way up to the roof level without becoming completely lost and just giving up entirely.

As the minutes crawled by, Miles found himself unlocking and locking his phone multiple times, checking the time, checking for any notifications to distract himself, and wondering just why he decided on the roof to meet instead of, say, his dorm room hallway or whatever.

Then, the roof access door slowly swung open, and there stood Hobie M. Jones in all his six-foot-something glory.

Miles sucked in his breath as Hobie’s big brown eyes scanned the roof and fell upon his face, and the both of them stood rooted to their spots for a split second like deer in headlights.

Then Hobie grunted, tugged at his ponytail to let it loose, and his long dreads fell all around his face in one graceful movement. Miles felt his mouth go dry.

Miles’ feet moved on their own. They met in the middle, and a strong wind rushed through to tousle Hobie’s impressive locs some more as they both stared each other down.

Miles finally opened his mouth to speak, feeling his voice catching in his throat for a split second, before being interrupted anyways.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Hobie says quickly, tucking his own chin into his expensive-looking jacket’s collar as well.

Miles’ brain bluescreened. “Wait, wha?”

Hobie huffed out a laugh, the vapors of his breath being carried away in the chilly wind like dandelion seeds. “I’m being serious, man. It’s… it’s cool, honestly. I get why you ditched me. It happens all the time,”

Miles’ heart sinks. “N-no, Hobie, look. I really messed up and I felt like I had to-- wait, what do you mean all the time?”

Miles had a sweeping feeling of déja vu overcome him then.

Hobie chuckled ruefully, shrugging as he shoves his hands deeper into his own pockets, mirroring Miles. “I mean, like… you think you’re the only one who ever ran for the hills after seeing how famous I was? It just happens. That’s my life, I guess.”

Miles’ lower lip stuck out a bit. “But that’s… dude. That is so depressing!”

Hobie shook his head, tossing a loc out of his face. “Sure, but it’s… it’s just my life. It’s just how things are when you’re a model around here.”

They looked sadly into each other’s eyes before Hobie averts his gaze to his shoes, scuffing the toe on the roof floor for a second before looking back up and continuing.

“… You, uhm. How’d you… how’d you know that I like Jamaican food, though? I’ve never told anyone about that before. Nobody but my family, anyways.”

“Uhh, lucky guess?” Miles offers him a lopsided grin.

Hobie smiles for real this time, the corners of his eyes crinkling just like his earth-138 counterpart. “You really are a weird guy, just like you said before. What else did you want to tell me, before we both gotta bounce?”

Miles gaped at him like a fish. “You… you have to let me apologize, though. Like actually. Before we both have to go.”

Hobie nodded. “Okay. I’m all ears,”

Miles took a deep breath. “I…!" His voice caught in his throat for a second. "Uh. Do you wanna maybe… hang out, like outside of school sometime? Maybe grab some more Jamaican food from my favorite place?”

Hobie looks at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “You… that’s your apology?”

Miles sighed. “I’m bad at conflict management, man. Just let me treat you to some more lunch and then… maybe we can just let this whole thing go, yeah? You won’t ever have to talk to me again after this, I promise!”

“You are seriously sending me mixed signals here,” Hobie says. But he doesn’t seem opposed to the idea.

“I know, I know! But please, just humor me, man. We can do it this weekend, even. I just… feel like a total dick after what I did and I wanna be able to actually make it up to you.”

Hobie directs his shy smile back down to the ground. “Jesus,” he mutters.

Miles holds his palms forward. “What? Is that a no?”

Hobie laughs, full and bright and it-- fuck-- it fills Miles with a dizzying thrill that makes him laugh, too!

“Fine… but if you ditch me again this time, you asshole--” Hobie grabs the front of Miles’ jacket and yanks it towards him, putting the both of them closer together and making a complete heatwave roll through Miles’ nerves, “I will-- uh,”

Miles doesn’t register why Hobie stops speaking all of a sudden until his eyes slowly follow down to what he’s looking at, and then both of their hearts stop at the same time.

In Miles’ earlier haste to jump into his clothing after his meal run, he forgot to button a few buttons on his shirt, which left his very visibly black and red suit out in the open with just one small yank of his coat’s zipper. The top of his red spider emblem shone bright against the dark spandex.

For a second, the world stopped. The wind stopped blowing, the cars down below stopped honking, Miles stopped breathing.

Then, he hastily took a step back and cleared his throat, hoping against hope that Hobie would not recognize the spider suit so easily.

“S-so, yeah? You’ll go? I, uh, promise I won’t stand you up if you do. We can, uhm. Exchange numbers if you want--” here, Miles starts fumbling around his pockets for his phone, a device that he clung onto like a lifeline moments ago now almost completely forgotten in the excitement of the situation.

Hobie swallows and takes a step back also. “Y-yeah… yeah, sure. Let’s uhm. Let’s link up later, then.”

Miles lets Hobie input his digits into his contact list, and then bids him farewell.

“I’ll text you later, okay? Gotta go now, bye!”

Miles almost wants to throw himself off the roof of the school just to land on the concrete sidewalks below with a splat. A flattened spider. It’s what he deserves, honestly.

But he swallows his embarrassment and rushes down the stairs towards his own dorm room, instead.

He seriously, seriously hopes Hobie didn't recognize his spider suit, goddamn!

Once Miles gets to his room, he sags against the door with a sigh and shrugs off his puffer jacket. Then, he fishes his phone out of the jacket’s pocket and flicks the screen on, which now has Hobie Jones’ digits input into it under the name of “MJ (from Visions)”.

Miles throws himself into his and Ganke’s shared computer chair and twirls over to the window.

It’s Miles. I am not ditching you this time, PROMISE, he sends over to the number.

A few minutes later, he gets a response and his stomach flutters with the chime.

You better not, Hobie playfully teases. I know where you sleep…

A few more knife emojis accompany the texts and Miles laughs out loud. Then he bites his lip.

Fuck… damn. This really is earth-1610’s version of MJ, huh. The name beamed straight into his eyeballs from where it sat right at the top of his messages and it continued to haunt him as he got his laptop out for the night to finally make some more leeway on his English essay.

Miles went to bed that night dreaming of him and a red-headed Hobie Jones holding Mayday.

#spiderverse #hobie brown #miles morales #punkflower #*stadium cheering* miles did it!!! he did it!#with his awkward spider rizz he secured a dat-- i mean a hangout with hobie mfing jones!!#stay tuned to see what happens in part three 👀#and who knows..... there just might also be a part four.....................#<_<#we just might have to see!#also goddamn i know that pic i drew and threw in there is. bad. but ive been playing with markers lately since i bought them #so i figured i'd also use this fic lowkey as practice lmfao #pls excuse the weird mistakes and bad coloring overall. its been years. IM TRYING OK 😭#gonna hopefully add in a much better drawing to the next installment. just gotta practice more is all!#also this is my 1st time writing out hobie brown's dialogue with tha accent n everything #lemme kno how i did 👍 i tried not to make the accent TOO cringey to read!#mi writing

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billdecker · 3 years ago

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i feel so much better today!!

for the first time in YEARS (this is no exaggeration) i had a proper night of sleep. i was so knackered i went to bed at 7pm and woke at 4am, only waking up once in between. when i woke i did my first bit of writing in days, made cecil’s breakfast (he’s now very happily snuggled next to me), and now i’m watching my daily classic who story.

i’m up to resurrection of the daleks. what i love a lot about 80s who is actors from my childhood are on it. as if peter davison isn’t a king enough already for the button moon, you’ve also got rula lenska! rodney bewes! i last watched classic who about 12 years ago now so i’d totally forgotten about these people being in it. i was super excited when keith barron was in enlightenment. he’s one of those actors who is like a household meme for me and d. i don’t know why but we get super excited when we spot keith barron in anything lol. i watched minder last year (dennis waterman is a weird household meme for us too) and i was excited when he popped up in that.

d went to have his dressing changed yesterday and on the way back a tree fell down at the end of our road. we live off a tiny little hidden secret driveway off one of the main roads into our town, across from the town common and museum. the road was blocked on the way back so my dad had to drop him off at the end so d had to walk the way back. then literally five minutes after he was home, the tree by our flat block toppled over so we had to report it to the housing association

i was looking out of the window when it happened. it fell so easily it was like someone pushed it over with their finger. a tree fell in front of my sister’s friend’s car after the school run. it missed my sister by only a minute. i was only 4 when the great storm of ‘87 happened so i don’t really remember it, but my parents said around here got away really lightly.

lol i’m using this place like my lj from years back. i promise i’ll stop when things are more settled! no one wants to keep reading my boring trail of thought. all i’ve gotta do today is cecil’s litter tray and make meals. i managed not to burn myself yesterday but i did cut my finger.

i am getting less overwhelmed by things even tho it still all feels very stressful and difficult. i’m trying to adapt. making lists of what i’ve gotta do it helping, even down to the tiniest detail - pick up mug, pick up cecil’s food bowl, open kitchen door, put mug in sink, etc etc. it makes me feel slightly pathetic but it’s the only way i can get through it all. if i don’t i feel too overwhelmed by what i’ve got to do and it feels like my brain goes into meltdown.

still haven’t binge eaten either. about six weeks ago i started using one of those calorie counting apps and meal planning for the week just to help to bring routine to my day when it came to eating and it’s helped me so much. if i didn’t have that all planned out already it would be another stress i would find difficult to cope with. honestly, i’m so looking forward to getting stronger and seeking out an assessment because i need to make some sense of why i find simple life stuff so difficult to process.

#the sudden hernia scenario #honestly i will stop pouring stuff out like this soon!!!#and get back to general anonymity lol

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

#lovely anon #<333 #okay its so late now i dont wanna post it now in case i‘m too tired to notice losds of mistakes #but i also wanna post it now so.#*loads #i‘m posting it #and i absolutely do not mind if you answer like this!!!! but if you ever do feel like it‘s too much or you uust want to respond to one thing #in particular sooner then pls go ahead! <3

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queerlytical · 4 years ago

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Unpacking my aversion to cis-het men - 08/12/2020

This is going to be a long one. One I’m quite nervous about posting about even when I’m here anonymously!

Will probably refer to cis-het men as men/guys generally in this post btw. & the ex I refer to here is a guy I was with for 5 years which was an emotionally abusive relationship.

I’ve recently started to challenge my feelings towards cis-het men. Accepting that I have the judgement that all men are basically weak minded by not challenging society as it is (and therefore accepting of all the oppression), and are desperately affected by toxic masculinity.

A small part of my brain knows that’s not true. I have a couple of cis-het male friends who I love and are clearly not like that. But when I think “what would be the problem if I ended up with a man in the future?” the other part of my brain immediately shuts the idea down like “why would you do such a thing?! you only like women, end of story”. Thinking that the guys who are open minded and unpacking their own priveleges/opinions etc. are so few and far between there is probably none left out there for me to meet.

So I decided to challenge this notion. And perhaps there is some underlying internal homophobia conflicting with these thoughts at the same time like “if I just gave men a chance.” or “it would be so much easier to just find a guy who is interested in me” (there is a lot underlying that quote tho - not that many wlw in my area, my personal feelings towards myself as to how cis-het men perceive me).

Along with challenging this notion, I have basically been craving to be dominated and penetrated in the bedroom, with no particular strings attached. The people I’ve slept with this year weren’t great experiences and I just wanted someone to push me around and top me. I know there are women who would gladly do that but the women I tend to date haven’t been like that and I’ve always been more of the top than the bottom. I have never entertained a guy for sex where I have decided for myself that this is what’s going to happen, I’ve always been pursuaded into it (I didn’t learn about consent until the last couple of years, clearly). I wanted to feel that control. I wanted to be the one to say, I’ve decided this this time. And to see, how I would actually feel given that this was something I wanted and not sort of forced onto me.

I changed my Bumble search to include “everyone”. Note that I had also ran out of women in my search radius by this stage so it was just men coming up now. It was interesting. I noticed that there are a lot of guy profiles that are basically the same - “where can you be found after work? the gym” or “what do you quote too much from? the office, US”. Literally after swiping for about 10 minutes I could have written the exact same profile as like 40% of these profiles I was now faced with.

I obviously ended up swiping left for the majority of guy profiles. I paid more attention to the men who had kind eyes, nice smiles, beards (I love a beard strangely enough), and anything interesting in their profile. I struggled to swipe right on white men in particular. I think this makes sense due to:

my ex being white and racist (and I have a tendency to want to get as far as possible from this particular ex),

a close friend who was my only white cis-het friend who then turned out to be a racist tory

my dad who is white, racist and homophobic (not terribly but enough to make me uncomfortable to discuss anything with him).

Plus the general consensus that white cis-het men are the most priveleged in society and they can never understand someone like me, right? Let alone have done any of the unpacking and learning about their own privilege..

I matched with a few guys and had brief conversations with them before getting overwhelmed about messaging people on dating apps (happens whenever I can’t keep on top of messaging like more than one person at a time). There were some okay chats, nothing overly flirty. Some voicenotes which freaked me out a little, not 100% sure why hearing men’s voices so early after speaking to someone online scares me, but it’s probably because I’m not as comfortable sending voicenotes myself.

There was a lot of me saying to myself “what am I doing?! LOLOLOL”

I’m going to talk about one of the guys in particular now. We’ll call him Z. Z’s profile was very minimal, basically just said “ask if you want to know more”. But he had a nice face, lovely smile, and his first picture even looked quite feminine in the face - he has super long eyelashes and due to the lockdown hair he was wearing a hairband. He’s Asian (Sikh) like my two closest friends. I have spoken to him more than any of the other matches from Bumble. We don’t really talk much of substance. I told him I’m “basically a lesbian” quite early on and he told me he’d been healing from a long relationship and was now “ready to have some fun”. He didn’t seem particularly phased that I was into women, didn’t say anything cringey like “don’t worry, I’ll turn you” (which is what I used to get when I was younger). This pushed the conversations in a direction where it was kind of agreed that this was all a bit of fun - flirty, sexual.

My first experience with a guy being interested me back in high school eventually turned into a FWB situation so this type of relationship I am used to and basically expect from men.. I’m not particularly bother by this atm but might unpack this some more at some point.

Anyway, as me and Z are just having some fun, I’ve not been vulnerable or told him much about things I care about - I don’t even think he knows my full name. It has actually been a breath of fresh air when I’ve been with people who are too intense for me throughout my dating life. He is very much the kind of person I would never usually interact with too- likes and plays football, hangs with a group of “lads”. I don’t think we have anything in common yet we still manage to chat (albeit with gaps of many hours in between some messages).

What did interest me about Z quite early on in our conversations is that he never said the word “girls”, always “women”. I pointed this out to him and he confirmed he did that on purpose because he wouldn’t want to be referred to as a “boy” and that women deserve the same language used when referencing grown ass women. This sticks in my mind as it definitely broke down one of my mental barriers around men not being able to understand “what’s the big deal”. I think that’s probably why I’ve managed to speak to him for as long as we have. Later on he also mentioned that people “can’t be fat shaming” which surprised me even more. (Does my brain think cis-het men live under a rock or something?!).

We’ve been speaking 3 weeks at this stage. We agreed to meet this weekend. We ended up delaying it from Sunday to last night (Monday) because he was tired from a busy weekend and “wanted to give me the full experience”. Surprisingly this didn’t make me super cringe. I think I was probably more relieved to delay it another day as I was pretty nervous about how it would go, my head overthinking like - what if we have nothing to talk about? what if he comes all this way and I change my mind (as I am of course allowed to)? what if he’s a catfish and hurts me? etc. etc. I don’t overthink this much when I date women.

So he was on his way. I was running in circles getting ready like “WHAT AM I DOING?!!!”. I had some rum to take the edge off and played the piano anxiously while he was on the way as something to take my mind off thinking about what was about to happen.

He arrived. He was who he said he was. He was the person who was in his pictures. He was slightly slimmer than I expected but that was just the angles that his pictures were taken in. It wasn’t awkward. I poured us a drink and we sat on the sofa and chatted for a couple of hours. He talked a lot, I hardly got a word in edgeways. I didn’t mind as it put me at ease that there was no awkward silences.

We finished our drinks. I hadn’t left the heating on in my lounge so it had gotten quite cold.. I got closer to him. Then we kissed. It was nice. I love kissing anyone who’s a good kisser no matter their gender. The excitement of the whole situation turned me on and we took it to my bedroom.

I struggled to look at him naked although when I did, I didn’t feel strange like I thought I would. Obviously there is nothing wrong with the male form, I just haven’t seen a dude naked in my bedroom for years and when I was younger I used to tell myself I had phallophobia.. The sex was pretty much what I was looking for. He didn’t bring a condom though which didn’t annoy me loads in the moment, despite him saying “I prefer without but ok” to which I replied “I don’t know where you’ve been” *eye roll*. I thankfully had my own condoms (my stash usually for making dental dams, yno) but after I was kind of thinking to myself like “who the fuck goes to have casual sex with someone and doesn’t bring a condom when they have a penis?!”. I didn’t even let my ex bare-back me let alone some random dude.

Anyway, I did it. Consensual sex was better than any sex I had with my ex (not surprising). He didn’t make me climax but it felt good (sex isn’t goal orientated for me but I know it was for him, as I assume it is with most men). We held each other and chatted naked for a while after. I think he wanted round 2 but I’m not sure I could have handled it. He left relatively promptly after and I felt.. content.

I think I got what I wanted out of the experience. It definitely boosted my confidence. I’m not sure if I’ll see him again yet. I definitely still feel very queer and mostly into women, I missed boobs a lot (like what do het-women hold onto?).

Part of me is like “okay next step is to see what it would be like to go on a romantic date with a guy” - something I have never ever done. I don’t think I’ve been interested in it in the past (since growing up that is). I can’t even imagine what it would be like because I would probably just treat them as my friend and have no clue how to flirt (if I even wanted to flirt). But there are many conflicting thoughts about dating men romantically - what if it’s a success? I’d end up feeling disowned by my new queer friends or judged by them, or what if I hurt someone? how will dating guys impact how I feel about my own queerness?? I just settled back into my queer identity and now it feels I’m going backwards again.

I am definitely enjoying this new side to me that doesn’t take dating seriously and being comfortable that I don’t want a relationship right now and that’s okay! I am continually learning about myself and trying to breakdown my own barriers so I can be my most true authentic self. I’m having fun, and doing what’s best for me. Which is a complete u-turn on the person I was less than a few years ago who just wanted to please everyone and was so depressed and burnt out doing so.

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stimmypaw · 4 years ago

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stimmypaw reads the apprentice’s quest, a blog post

A big one, just a bunch of thoughts as I’m reading it, of course, lots of spoilers for the first book in the Warrior Cats series A Vision of Shadows. This will be covering just the first book tho, it’s all in the Read More, let’s gooooooo!!!!

Vision Of Shadows time

Lots of new cats!!! I don't remember these guys as kits or anything wrow!!! I like their names but itll take a while to get used to them

Also cant believe they printed stormcloud's dead name

Omg there's a cat named beepaw

I love these cats all of them so much im going 2 cry

All new names are perfect

I FORGOT HOW GORGEOUS THE CAT VIEW IN THE RECENT BOOKS WAS, LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I'm glad leafpool smokes weed

I love reading from Jayfeather's point of view, his grumpiness hasn't grown on me ever but thats just me, I still enjoy it lots he's great and its fun

Firestar and Leopardstar's characterizations are On Point i love it

OOF i feel so bad when jayfeather is mean to others, poor kestrelflight, I love those two

Lovely Jayfeather moments now its time for the first chapter

I like this duo! Also I didn't think I'd ever say this but shut up squirrelflight one can have fun AND learn with their mentors

Sparkkit sounds nice she makes jingling bell noises when she walks around

Alderkit is chadphobic /j

I can see Alderkit taking deep breaths to relax its rotating in my mind its beautiful

God this first chapter feels so good and comfortable, like eating noodles and chicken nuggets. I am so so deeply in love with it, its gorgeous!

Sparkkit is so perfect too, and Graystripe remembering Firestar aaaaaa

DUSTPELT SAID WHAT? PHDHAHAHHA OH NOOOO I don't remember their relationship much, must have been fun, I love young little creature squirrelflight I MISSED HER SO BAD WOW

I started reading the second chapter and died, I think ill take a break now 2 sleep heehhee

I love them describing twoleg stuff its always so fun and alien, like watching an animal planet show about funny sea creatures.

Also I have determined sparkpaw is my favorite, might be my favorite cat ever next to hollyleaf??? I really identify with her and also she's autistic i have decided that

Alderpaw baby noooo hhhh their mentor at least is trying to show its okay, he seems very emotionally distant so far and alderheart feels very emotionally needy, actually both of them do, did I mention I love Sparkpaw??? I might be imprinting myself 2 much on her

I love how like, its clear both of them are absolutely anxious and worried about others opinions on them, which is clearly something they got from being Firestar's grandkids, deputy kids and leader kids. And bramblestar too, I recall him being quite the anxious lad ahhah. Sparkpaw will be showing confidence and being loud but the second anyone isn't approving of her or she does something "wrong" she gets small and quiet, and she ended up setting a high bar for herself by being good at hunting and fighting so I'm curious to see how that will go. Also there's nothing wrong with being guided through a crowded place to meet others Sparkpaw!!! I bet the two of them would be stuck without not knowing how to talk to others had Needlepaw not shown up. I love them, my gf is mocking me saying I'm a Sparkpaw kinnie.

Apprentices will like learn about a thing and tell everyone about it all the time and assume its always true in every situation and thats valid I love kids like that. Also in my head Needlepaw kinda looks like a porcupine. Oh boo she's fatphobic >:(

I love apprentices they are so fun and silly, just making fun of the leaders like its nothing. The way they are clearly learning and absorving everything their warriors say and do like sponges its just ***chefs kiss***

Omg shadowclan is just full of 12 year olds help

And then the old person said "it sure is hard being old!" And everyone clapped

Shout-out to pretty Riverclan apprentice #481977 I love her

Leafpool: 👁👁

Alderpaw: I knew it im cursed and awful and terrible and I will never amount to anything

I wish the cats didn't seem to be giving up on him so easily though

Ah yes the classic thunderclan move "you suck, into the medicine hole you go"

The way sparkpaw changes the things she says and how she does when it isn't the status quo around her oooooooooooooyeaaaaaaa I love 1 autistic cat

Alderpaw considering your problems lesser than other cats won't help you deal with them better bro

I love Needlepaw's excitement about Alderpaw being a medicine cat apprentice, and her sarcasm, she feels like a preppy teenager

Ahhh this is so good, I am so thirsty for family moments like this, just Alderpaw bonding with grandma, I’ll definitely want to draw this one it’s so sweet.

Oh to be young and silly.

I really am enjoying like, Alderpaw’s struggles to seeing how he fits in the clan, how he fits in himself, how he wants to be seen and what he wants to be, it’s really good. I Am Engaged(tm) With This Plot.

SPARKPAW NOOOOOOO but also Yes I want her to be shown vulnerable and weak please

POP, god watching this stuff always awful, the cats must have thought he broke her ahahah

Also, really great that they learned from Dovewing and now like leave choices and discussions about prophecies between adults

And plus Brambles seemed to take the time to explain stuff to him, seems he wont be going alone either the 1 thing is that he will be the only one knowing what the journey is really about, why though??? I didnt read Firestar's Quest or whatever why does Skyclan need to be secret??? Seems quite silly really!

YESSSS SANDSTORM GET HIS ASS FIGHT FIGHT LOVE THIS LOVE SANDSTORM

I could feel squirrelflight nearing explosion here, this was very fun, i wish they werent hiding this though!!!

The secret thing is showing to be a plot point so I am once again Very Engaged

Also, wonderful dialogue bit, someone asked Bramblestar why an Elder is going and:

Lovely perfect perfect

I miss you dovewing

SQUIRRELFLIGHT LOVE YOU

Oh boy this is it

Traveling book moment

Graystripe: Soooo you're excited to go on the journey to the old territories and Skyclan?

Sandstorm: Yes! It's been ages and-

Graystripe: I'm sure the tribe will love the visit too

Sandstorm, groaning: Oh noooo I forgot about how the tribe is in the way of every journeyyyyy noooooo they're such a racist caricature, please tell me you have a plan

Graystripe: Yes don't worry about it the writers forgot about the tribe in my comic book so you can just use the excuses i did to actively avoid it

Sandstorm: Oh thank Starclan

Sparkpaw's desperation to prove herself oof, her anxiety with understanding the prophecy, oh boy, and Alderpaw feeling too overwhelmed by the questions and not managing to talk!!!! I am so glad they are both autistic

Hoping "Being Leader" wont mean theyre putting nonsense responsibility on the apprentice again

Ah good Sandstorm is on the lead again, as she should, she should have been leader she would have been great

I can't believe Alderpaw thinks I look stupid and diseased :( /j

Everything about this twoleg scene was scandalous I loved it, Sparkpaw just toppled over a trash bag and they are eating from it, iconic, also did those twolegs throw out a whole turkey? Damn

Its not that Sparkpaw is freakishly good at hunting she is very hungry and constantly on the watch for things to eat

BRO Ive never been in a road where the drivers are this wild, throwing bottles out of the car????? Ive seen Fruit being thrown like once or twice, what the fuck!!! I'm glad they are going to wait until the morning to continue

Okay I was not expecting Needlepaw to show up this girl is chaotic I love her

ACTUALLY YEAH WHY DIDNT THEY TELL THE OTHER CLANS ABOUT THIS SINCE THE PROPHECY IS ABOUT ALL THE CLANS???

Needlepaw is like Rono from Bambi 2 if he wasnt a mean bully and thats very epic

Very curious character though, how come her mentor isnt teaching her the warrior code properly? Is that an issue with all apprentices?? Is the clan overwhelmed by 12 year olds and they won?

Having lots of fun trying to play the game "what animal are they describing this time" the erins made here, im glad they're in a farm. Worried about Sandstorm though :c

Fuck im worried about sandstorm a lot, her wound hurt on Me

Yeah water is good youre right sandstorm

Aw man I hope she's okay let her at least survive to meet skyclan please

NOOOOOOOO SANDSTORMA A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sandtteooonrjrbbbmmnnnnnnnnnn

I am so sad

Alderpaw denying it, Starclan shining upon their vigil, everything crushed me i cried

Alderpaw considers Nihilism

Haven't seen a cat thank starclan for prey in a while its

Oh look they time skipped a journey! They don't tend to do that thats nice

I'm so excited to be meeting The Skyclan that everyone in the fandom knows now

So far they seem kinda mean but thats most clans at first glance really

Okay somethings up

I uh have heard of Darktail pretty sure he's a bad guy so yeah something really bad happened to Skyclan

Am worried

Darktail sounds like an evil himbo* i may be enjoying him actually

*himbos are usually nice by default so he's just evil and stupid and strong

Does needletail know these cats already?????

Shit

Oh okay fuck

I've been quietly reading the rest because I am just concerned and I want them to be okay as quickly as possible

Waterfalls are a classic nice

Oh boy time for our unlikely duo of Alderpaw and Needlepaw to get out of a Mess!

I did not expect this to end up with the two of them journeying into parenthood, but I'm happy it did

Well actually I'm very unhappy theyre so lost and there's no sign of Skyclan I am very worried for everyone involved Sparkpaw must be feeling awful!

Twigkit is a great name

Yeah this ended terribly

Overall! Frigging loved it this book was GOOD and a great start for the series I am very excited to read the rest, SO WORRIED ABOUT SKYCLAN THO AAAA the characterizations were great the characters were great the pacing was fun and I didn't get bored once!

I think o only wish I had read this sooner really so I could look up others thoughts without getting heavily spoiled about the last books, I can watch a few videos already though thats a start ahhaha. But yeah it was great and it felt very good to read, haven't swallowed up a book so quickly in a very long time!!! Very happy I finally got my hands on this 💕💖💕💖💕💖 cant wait 2 start the next one

If you read all this, hope you had fun hahaha, ill be making more of these cus theyre fun and I like talking about warrior cats thats just my thing

Til next time

#wc #the apprentice's quest #warrior cats #a vision of shadows #avos #warrior cats avos #avos wc #wc avos #avos warrior cats #warrior cats a vision of shadows #alderpaw #needlepaw #sparkpaw #violetkit #twigkit

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pacifv · 5 years ago

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HE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mik Age: 26 Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Eden ( in bleach ) -- I have other ocs but that’s another story Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Eden... ? Current Fandom(s): Bleach , so far Fandom(s) you have an AU for: more fantasy esque ones? My language(s): spanish , english Themes I’m interested in for rp: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: fantasy , religious

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?: YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?: 24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?: IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: IM since this is pretty much new . just slap me with that and if you have some ideas , better --- if not let just brainstorm with what we have in hand .

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner: some minimal idea of the context and eden’s character . some ideas if possible . more than often I have gotten people straight up jump with no clue of what even is going on in my side character wise .

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?: depends , most likely really stop trying or let it sink . I’m not much of a person who would pressure for ideas when they don’t even come naturally for me in these kind of situations .

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?: First of all , ask what they particularly want and if they read the bio . and of course , have their bio as well ( if oc or any relevant hc on vague canons ) . I am honestly a bit shy on the input but if I found a ground to start letting my imagination loose ( like , something in common between characters or something that clicks well with my muse ) I can suggest several things . but in any case , I’m pretty passive and it’s a lot of gives and takes .

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: depends on the thread , the time and the interest . things that go downtown in the excitement scale are :/ and I can’t blame anyone for dropping a thread . not all the time you will have muse for them , tho , if it was a relevant thread I would ask at least . - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: pretty much free to tell me or not . I’m no one to judge.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?: losing muse , interest , time ... pretty much the same . feeling like my muse is going too OOC for the sake of the other muse or smth . - Will you tell your partner?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you? YES / NO. - And why?: I am very old school and having some OOC interaction to at least know how things are going , it’s as much as I can ask here . - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?: I mean , I should . it can turn me off a bit but it’s just natural ? there’s no way something can be perfect or be of someone’s taste . plus I am not that smart to be fully aware of all the things around the motif and IRL information I use on my muse . I’m no book , buddy. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way? YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?: development , exploring the muse , seeing what works and doesn’t work . often new blogs for me are basically prototypes , they are and will most likely have minor or major modifications as my imagination starts working and getting excited . besides , in the basics , you can hardly manage to cover all ( if anything ) of how one’s muse would react to X situation .

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios: a lot of quincy lore , come up with more personal connections with other quincies , fully develop a backstory and a post war scenario . cultural exploration --- relationships of all kinds .

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore: pretty much I am fine with anything as long as we don’t cross the gross line . but I’m not afraid of the dark .

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: absurdly basic and with no context given . not even have an idea of what is the deal between muses . I can squeeze my brain but there is as much as i can do with little information .

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: quirky ones , conflictive ones , most likely muses with specific motifs that spark my interest -- deepness . Aesthetically interesting ones . but overall , those who have out of the normal personalities .

What type of characters catch your interest the least?: personalities that doesn’t work or do not harmonize with the context of their characters . that’s all I can say .

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?: I am.... creative ? gdi I did this meme already but it’s hard to reply these two ones. I am easily excitable . if we end up in a ship , expect me to be pampering af . I really enjoy the exploration of relations between people , emotions and psychological stuff tied around it . I do like casual and also very deep things . I’m not afraid of dealing with heavy topics . I like horror ???? also I am very into the secondary character role , as in : my muse is here to help your muse to grow or insight . that stuff . not much of a protagonist role in RPs.

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I’m .... very.... sporadic . My mood is annoying esp when I’m “new” blog around kind of thing . I’m shy , even if I don’t seem so --- I get pretty anxious over details . I am impatient --- with myself . I want to do so many things at the same time I end up overwhelmed .

Do you rp smut?: YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?: YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?: mmmmmmmmm , both. Depends on mood and context tbh . - Anything you would not want to rp there?: nothing I can think from the top of my head.

Are ships important to you?: YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?: YES / NO. Do you use read more?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?: again , I’m big mood for interpersonal relationships ( romantic or not ) , the pros and cos of certain traits , ideology clash , personality clash , anything that comes in a relation that could make it come and go . - What is your smut tag?: unholy.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: all are hella okay for me . pre- est is my jam bc jesus christ the awkward first encounters make me go blue screen .

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?: the fact she is basically a “religious fanatic” , with a quirky personality and a questionable morality , considering she has an inner conflict between the wellness of her race and her loyalty towards yhwach . At least pre war . post war , she has a flipped personality were she is mostly bitter and more angsty but will go from fanatic to straight up hater .

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?: bland personalities ? not sure myself , Eden is pretty much ready for anything since her personality is pretty laid back . I guess I would say shinigamis in general --- since she basically is stuck inside Silbern . - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?: Quincies , ofc . and people who are willing to put up with her crap .

- What interests your Muse(s) in general: the prosperity of the quincy , doing a proper duty , order , tea , annoying the fuck out of people . being eerie .... - What do they desire, is their goal?: the ideal world as thought by Yhwach --- later on simply for her kind to survive after losing the war and being left to their luck . - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?: mmm , appearance and reactions to her witty or narcisistic comments . - What do they value in a person?: loyalty , uniqueness . - What themes do they like talking about?: most likely about the order of the army , tea stuff , herself (?) , but she is also a lot for debates and insight . - Which themes bore them?: rebellious , silly thoughts . justice related topics . anything that critics her loyalty/life style .

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?: the first war was enough ? most likely losing comrades --- yhwach sacrificing the quincy for power later on . - What could possibly trigger them?: the simple sight of anyone laying a finger of the quincy for being against their views . - What could set them off, enrage them?: nothing. she cannot literally , physically get angry or enraged . but if we are talking bitter , that would be completely post war and it’s just the mention of yhwach’s name or those who went to god’s palace with him . - What could lead to an instant kill?: invasion of silbern , chaos .

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?: chaos , rebels , shinigami , anyone against the quincy . - Is there someone /-thing they love?: her race , her pride , herself .

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: just .... come to her and say hi . she is literally wandering around silbern all the time ( quincy speaking tho ) . for others , eh ... good luck . and wait post war (?) - Where are they usually to find?: Silbern ... then Siberia .

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?: She is no saint , clearly . She has a questionable sense of things like loyalty and preservation of her race . she is honestly all over the place

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: honestly stole from @skyvar Tagging: no one in particular.

#🇮🇳🇹🇪🇷🇦🇨🇹🇮🇴🇳🇸 | 🇺🇳🇭🇴🇱🇾 | memes.#mik talks

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autisticprincess · 6 years ago

Text

I know I said I’d do this I think yesterday but it just did not happen

SO I’m super excited because my @stimtastic order is here, and I’ve had a couple of days to use my new (and first, both buying stim toys, specifically for stimming at least, and my first time buying from stimtastic) toys. first I have to say, stimtastic is a fantastic company, they have great items, they’re quite reasonably priced, and my order arrived very quickly. I am forever grateful 💕

Now onto the toys! From left to right:

1. Chewable Blossom Pendant Necklace in Peach, $4.50 - this was the toy I was most excited about, and it turns out my excitement was appropriate; I can’t keep this thing out of my mouth. it’s perfect for just wearing around the house to chew while doing mundane things like cleaning, and also to de-stress after an overwhelming day. it keeps my mouth busy so I’m not biting on myself. I had trouble with it messing with my gag reflex at first for some reason (even though it was nowhere beyond my front teeth) but it’s perfectly fine now. one of the main reasons I bought it was for hands-free stimming while driving, especially in stressful situations such as road work, unfamiliar places, long drives, and highways. I got the chance to test it in that environment while driving around Reno and on the Reno freeway, including the spaghetti bowl, and I’m happy to report it works quite well for that purpose. I also would like to take it with me to classes next fall, but I am admittedly self conscious about this particular stim in public, so we’ll see how it goes and how other people react at that time. even if I don’t wear it in class, it’ll be great for driving on the highway to get to the campus.

2. Silicone Brush in Bright Pink, $1.75 - I. Love. This. Toy. like seriously, I never want it out of my hands. I always like feeling silicone pads/brushes in stores, but I wasn’t aware I would love it this much. I also love the noise that running my fingers over the bristles makes. I use it all the time at home, just laying around the house or to help come down from sensory-intense or overwhelming experience. I had initially been planning on using this in classes next semester, but for one, it’s a bit bigger than I anticipated, and also, I’m afraid the noise it makes might be too distracting for others. chilling between classes though? hell yeah!

3. Silicone Straw in Pink, $1.25 - I do just wanna start this off by saying I haven’t used this much yet. that said, as someone who loves chewing on straws, I have tested it’s chewing capabilities and this straw is like... straw-chewing heaven. it is on the short side, though, so be warned, it probably will be too short to use in most cups from fast food places/other outside eateries and things like reusable water bottles (in 16oz disposable bottles, it’s just the right length to keep in the bottle with the lid on, tho!) it’s fine in most drinking glasses and mugs. I love the carrying case and travel cleaning brush as well- it even has a little loop that you could use to attach to a bag strap or keychain or something. it also at the very least makes me feel better about my plastic output, even if in all reality it has next to no environmental effect, I like trying to help the planet, and if you aren’t inhibited in not wanting to use/being unable to use for any reason (and any reason is valid! my goal here is NOT to shame people who use plastic straws, especially since I often use them myself), this is a low-price but high quality (and chewy!) option for switching to reusable straws.

4. Pearlescent Glitter Water Wiggler in Pink, $2.00 - first of all, I just want to say I love that the name sort of rhymes. moreover, I was actually surprised by how much I ended up liking this toy. obviously I thought I would like it before buying, given that I did, in fact, buy, but it was even better than I thought it would be. my favorite way to stim with this toy is visually, by either shaking it or turning it over. the glittery swirls are super pretty and very calming- it’s the perfect way to relax or come down after a long day or stressful event. it is, however, also good for squishing (careful though, it’s liable to slip out of your hands lol) and I guess you could call it pressure stimming kind of? like tilting it side to side and feeling the weight shift. I absolutely recommend trying that. (just a quick note, according to stimtastic’s website, this product is only available until the Fall, so if you want one, get it now!)

5. Stretchy Squishy Paw Print, $1.00 - just a quick heads up before I give my review type thing, this toy is definitely on the sticky side, and is even almost, like, gooey, so if that’s not a good texture for you, I don’t really recommend it. for me, however, it’s fine, because I don’t mind that texture. it’s very very squishy, so one of the things I like to do is squish it in my fist. it also obviously has the pads texture of the paw print, but also a smooth side if you like the smoothness. I like running my thumb over the textures parts of the paw as I squish it. it’s also definitely stretchy, but I’m paranoid about stretching it too far and breaking it lmao so I don’t stretch it that much. it is on the small side, probably about an inch, inch and a half across on all sides, which for me is a plus, because it makes it very easy to take places and just have it in my hand, and also is good for more discreet stimming if you want/need that. it will definitely be going to classes with me. it’s also of course very cute.

6. Mermaid Sequin Stim Toy Bag in Pink/Silver, $3.00 - okay, I’ll be the first to admit, I’m OBSESSED with mermaid/reversible sequins (hello all the people in stores looking at me weirdly for standing and petting whatever has them on it), so when I saw this bag while looking for a bag to keep my stim toys in on-the-go, I was in love. the feeling of running my hands over and flipping the sequins, the noise of that and also just running my fingers one way over the sequins, and watching the light refract off of the sequins when tilting the bag is just perfection. it’s not huge, but I did manage to get all of the objects shown here inside with the zipper all the way closed. the zipper also goes around two of the sides, so you can just unzip the short side to put something smaller in, or you can unzip it all the way around the short and long side to put something larger (like the silicone brush in my case) in with ease.

All in all, a very pleasing purchase, and I will definitely be buying again (next on my list is the plush unicorn squishy in pink, the owl chewy in pink, and the infinite rings fidget in rose, but those will have to wait until after I pay for my summer class lol). I also told my mom, who is a special ed teacher, about them, and she’s thinking about buying her students some stim toys from them for next year.

#long post #stim toys #stimtastic

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skelly-the-skeleton · 6 years ago

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How'd you react to meeting the rest of the gang other than Jeff?

Skelly: Well Jeff I knew ever since we were kids but seeing him again after years… Seeing what he became… I was shocked to say the least… But I quickly found out that despite his looks, he was still my Jeff so after that meeting the others wasn’t that big of a deal. Sure I was spooked but after seeing Jeff’s face nothing really scared me that much.

Jeff: Hey!

Skelly: Hush, I’m talking here. Anyway… Yeah. I was hardly scared when meeting everyone else.

The first person Jeff introduced me to was BEN. We bonded really quickly. It was almost like we had known each other forever. Often we will talk and completely forget about Jeff lol. He hates being left out and told to shoo and I think he kinda regrets introducing us in a way but at the same time, glad I finally have a friend.

Of course, after introducing me to his best friend, Jeff had to introduce me to Smile. I mean, how could he not? Man’s best friend indeed. I fell in love with that pup the moment he saw him. I love dogs! I initially met him in his ‘normal’ form which is him looking like a regular black and white husky with beautiful blue eyes but when he got too excited he turned into his demon form. Almost made me shit my pants! Jeff then explained to me what Smile actually was and after I got over the shock I went right back to giving him hugs. Demon or not, he’s still a dog. He loves attention and of course, BELLY RUBS! Where is that boy? I wanna hug him right now!

Then he introduced me to EJ. I was a bit startled to learn that he had no eyes and for a while I asked him to keep his mask on so I could get used to the whole idea. He was sweet about it and understood my uneasiness so he complied with my request. It took a few months but eventually I was able to talk to him without his mask on. It’s still eerie to see him without his mask tho…

Next up was Jane and Sally. Jane was babysitting Sally for the boss when I met her so I met Sally at the same time. At first I was surprised to see this little girl with all these cold blooded killers but soon learned that she wasn’t as sweet an innocent as I thought… When Sally was out of the room, Jane told me about her past and my gosh my heart broke for the poor baby… Ever since then I took on a parent roll and will protect that girl with my life. You even think about going near her then you gotta go through me first! Jane on the other hand has never told me about her past. I guess it doesn’t really matter. We are best friends now but she does have a tendency to treat me like a child even though I am 19 years old… #rude

Next came Hoody and Masky. I met those two after they came back from a mission for the boss. Hoody and I got along right away but Masky… Eh. He’s kinda quiet and distant. He doesn’t really speak much to me and likes his space. I honestly don’t think he likes me that much. I don’t know why. I’m a delight! I enjoy talking to Hoody but he is always busy for the boss so we hardly see each other but when we do you can bet we talk non stop. No one can shut us up lol

Bonus:

The Boss

Oof… The boss… Jeff saved this introduction for last for what should be obvious reasons… He took me out into the woods near midnight and honestly I thought he was taking me somewhere so we could um… do… ya know… “the sex”… I certainly was not expecting to do anything with him but you know how boys can be. Jeff is no different… I got a bit anxiety thinking about it but no. We weren’t gonna do anything. He took me to this big tree with branches coming out and going in every direction. It was spooky as hell. (Just picture the tree from Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest but with way more branches and longer.)

We got there and I was a bit frightened. This tree was very different from the surrounding ones and I had never seen anything like it. With Jeff now being a killer I was kinda worried he was gonna sacrifice me or something… I know it was wrong to think that because we were so close and he would never do anything to hurt me but he was a killer. He wasn’t the same Jeff I knew in childhood…

Jeff: I’m still hurt you thought that…

Skelly: I know and I’m sorry Jeff but I had no clue what to think. Kinda hard to trust someone who is a cold blooded killer…

Jeff: We practically grew up together!

Skelly: Still… I had no clue what you would do. You changed…

Jeff: Yeah… That’s true…

Skelly: Moving on… Yeah… So he obviously didn’t do what I thought he might. I mean, I’m still here after all. He walked up to the tree and carved out the boss’s symbol in the bark. It glowed a dark red and the wind began to pick up, rustling the leaves of the surrounding trees. I was getting ready to run but froze in place when the boss showed up. Yes, I screamed. Yes, it sounded like a five year old girl. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit that.

I curled up into the fetal position and just started crying. I thought I was going to go insane. I instantly got a headache and the sound of static was overwhelming. I tried to block it out by covering my ears but that did Jack shit… The sound originated in my head so there was no way to block it out. Then of course the boss’s voice. Oof. He tried to sooth me and get me to calm down (shocking, I know) but it didn’t work. It just scared me even more and I ran off but I didn’t get far. A big tendril grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. I begged him not to kill me and that I would do anything. He of course saw this as an opportunity so he said he would let me live if I became his proxy.

As you can imagine, Jeff was not happy with this, told the boss it wasn’t gonna happen and took me home but I still thought about it. I had no clue what this… thing… would do to me. I was afraid that he might actually kill me if I didn’t agree to his plan. I told Jeff I had to so he wouldn’t kill me but he reassured me that he wouldn’t. I was still unconvinced.

It took a few days but eventually I managed to sneak off and go back to the tree without Jeff knowing or seeing me and repeated the action he did of carving the symbol into the tree. I had no clue how I remembered it but I did and the boss appeared once again. I didn't scream this time but I was still scared. I hesitated but managed to get the words out and said that I would become his proxy. He was pleased and I got branded with his symbol. I actually got to pick where I wanted it and it's kinda like a tattoo but not really? If that makes any sense. Probably doesn't. I never make any sense lol. As many of you know, tattoos have a certain look on the skin. You can tells it's ink especially when you look really closely. It has a bleeding look (artists you understand). However this is totally different. It's a permanent mark on my body that will stay there until the day I die. I'd show you but Jeff doesn't like me lifting up my shirt to others. Maybe one day when he's not around I'll let you have a look. ;)

Jeff: Don’t you dare look. That mark is in a place too intimate for you to see.

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moonweav3r · 6 years ago

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9 11 30 41 42 55 56 59 62 63 65 67 69 70 84.

Hey there! So, I kind of ignored this ask for a bit bc I’ve been in a weird headspace lately and it was actually hard to answer some of these without rambling/oversharing but here it goes:

9. Describe your perfect mate: Someone open-minded, honest, curious and respectful who shares at least a good amount of my values/principles. Someone creative in some type of way, who would enjoy my love for music/films/shows/art in general idk and we could like, inspire each other to some extent? They’d have a great/kinda dark sense of humor which I love, probably very sassy but still pretty down-to-earth and chill and intimate with me. They’d enjoy long conversations about anything and everything and just being silly, messing with each other. They’d probably be very much into sex but also, very affectionate and cute and caring with me. Also, pets are a big bonus.

11. Do you ever want to get married?: Tricky question bc a part of me doesn’t believe in marriage that much, but a better part of me is really fond of the idea? Like, I’m sure I wouldn’t marry anyone that easy but, with the right person and if both of us are on the same page in most things it’d be really nice. Most of all bc of the intimate connection/compromise with each other, like the meaning behind all of it. I care little about the state/church part of it tho.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?: Not seriously at least. I’ve had days when I’ve wanted bigger boobs or curvier/more feminine hips but I don’t think I’d put myself through surgery for that lol

41. Have you had sex so far this year?: yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?: Depends on the person I’m with and if I’m in the mood to tease (which usually I am) 🤔

55. Share a relationship story: I met my first bf at summer camp, when I was like 12 and he was a couple years older. I remember he had really soft and pretty curly hair. My first kiss was in some bench he told me was “secluded” bc I was kinda shy about it, but either way our friends at camp saw everything. After that, we used to sneak downstairs at my apartment building to make out, with the help of my best friend/neighbour atm so my fam wouldn’t notice. He really wasn’t the best kisser tho, it felt a little like when a dog kisses you? He’d just manage to drool all over my face🤦🏼‍♀️ it was a bit gross but idk I was still excited about making out in general I think haha

56. State 8 facts about your body:

my eyes usually look pretty dark, but in direct sunlight you can see some lighter shades of hazel/green

I tend to get hot very easily but my nose and feet are usually colder

I have really sensitive skin since I was a baby, which is often really annoying

my shoe size is 6

I’ve never dyed or straightened my hair

I haven’t got any tattoos yet, but I really want them

I’m always wearing perfume or fragance mists

I actually really like my ass, my boobs and my thighs even tho they’re not perfect at all and the first 2 could be bigger lol

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!): I don’t take many selfies so, here’s my new profile pic c:

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?: Idk, I’m the kind of person that likes see eroticism in the little details so, probabaly letting me tease and pleasure them (with their consent of course!) and not only see the look in their eyes and hear all the sounds they make when they open themselves completely, but like finding a way to almost overwhelm their senses with touches and kisses y’know? there’s nothing like feeling that trust and desire literally project out of the body of the person you want to feel good.

And viceversa, there’s nothing sexier than feeling all that desire everywhere around me and most of all reflected on the person I’m with. Like watching them kiss me everywhere, touch me and grab me everywhere. Doesn’t matter if it’s fast or slow nor specific actions, when it’s like that both people can feel it and it’s amazing.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?: I guess it depends again on the people involved, their dynamics and what they feel comfortable with. For some, it’s people naked/half naked touching, kissing and/or penetrating each other’s genitals? But like for others, oral and handjobs aren’t sex but standalone actions or maybe just foreplay. So, my definite answer is communication before/after whatever you do bc when you know, you know 😂

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?: I don’t think I’ve had a routine for it? Just take your time, learn the buttons and corners that make you and your partner crazy and try a mix of purposely avoiding them for anticipation + getting to each one for satisfaction. Also, don’t be scared of making it playful or making each other laugh.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?: literally anything that involves good music, food, some drinks and a location or activity we both enjoy. It can be going to a gig or to the theatre and have drinks outside, or staying in making dinner together and watch movies with some drinks in just comfy clothes or underwear

69. What turns you off?: bad hygiene and smells ugh also mustaches

70. What turns you on?: turning someone else on, confidence, good smells, neck kisses and biting lips, when breath hits skin and teasing when we can’t touch each other... those are some, I guess

84. Why did your last relationship fail?: Honestly, I’m still really confused about the whole thing. Right now, I’m just sure they haven’t loved me for a good while, not sure for how long or if it was real love or even attraction from their part. I won’t say they didn’t try to feel that or to make things work, bc they did to some extent. But tbh it’s just really broken my heart in a way I couldn’t imagine. They really didn’t give two fucks in the end and dismissed everything that was invested like it was all meh making me doubt it was even real. I’m not perfect and I’m sure they must make up excuses on decisions I’ve made or stupid traits. Most friends we had in common don’t even text me back for some reason and even physically they look like a totally different person, idk why. In the end, it was just fucked up in many ways and tbh feels like they suddenly killed off the person I loved. I guess it’s easier that way.

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wearethegladiators · 6 years ago

Text

hey

so i could keep on ranting about aron for years because drAMA but i’m just gonna tell you this: aaron paul as his new fc is canon and so is the evans siblings being the evans twins. i’M NOT SORRY

lily still saying aron is his little brother because she was born like 2 minutes ahead of him :) but aron being taller and looking older than his age while lily will forever look like she’s 12 hihi

also the first 30 seconds of this video is the absolutely perfect depiction of aron’s mindset for that time period: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHpeFfBRF8U like being a kid. a sad, fucked-up, cutie-pie, damaged kid.

one comment reads “the most accurate portrayal of personal hell i have ever seen” and that hurts

also pretty much canon that aron will be alive for at least some time after the virus

i’m digging into the evans family backstory and it’s clear that they always had a connection to magic. like i don’t know exactly how the irish folklore relates to magic (i’m especially thinking druids here), is it like an entre-deux between the magic and the muggle world ?? i read once on a hp forum that irish muggles were pretty much aware of the magic world around them and that it didn’t come as a big surprise because you know, bah they have farfadets quoi. so there were “mixed” villages and magic wasn’t much of a secret. i actually kinda like that?

lily’s parents are more rational (or modern if you will), maybe they live in a mostly muggle city or something. but her grandparents? they live in the highlands, are breeding horses and only communicating in gaelic.

also, the evans have always been fighters. they definitely participated in ww2, maybe even took part in the débarquement (there’s also a french side to the evans family hihi). also they were probably very involved in the civil religious wars, as mediators - or as IRA members ?? because they’re nice, but they’re about ice. and ice does not forgive. a smile made for war is one of the most evans things i have ever read, along with demons run when a good man goes to war.

so anyway maybe her grandparents were even in contact/working with the order of the phoenix during the first wizarding war?? it would also explain the disconnection between lily’s parents and the magic environment. the grandparents tried to protect them by pushing them away from the magical world??

and then boum, liliana. and potentially also aron showing some skills?? (WHY am i thinking of aron as a banshee????)

lily definitely has a banshee vibe. ever since les âmes mortes she always had accurate feeling/foreboding whenever something bad was about to happen. also i can see her scream?? and that sort of mind control through occlumency. like she has some aspects that she may have inherited, but she’s not a full-range banshee. aron??? what if his capacities are more developed than lily on that? also what if he is an occlumens? can muggles be occlumens too???

there’s so much going on in my mind i swear to god

lily rather as morrigan. if the rebellion still uses aliases that’s definitely going to be hers. that fits so well. the queen of phantoms? i mean?

lily/aron’s relationship as echoing so much that of the blake siblings. the unbreakable love but the unbearable resentment. both being convinced that lily brought the plague to the farm where all evans were gathered, and thus killed them all. aron rejecting lily, referring to other members of the rebellion as “his family” and mocking her as “the goddess of the dead”. the morrigan nickname could actually come from him?? also lily having moments of doubt regarding her recent actions/harshness, and someone telling her “you always did what you had to do to protect your brother, that’s who you are”. my heart ???

lily becoming much more ruthless ever since aron joined the rebellion, and her family died, and her people started to go extinct. like really we can tell that there’s been a true escalation of violence for her from that moment on - she will do whatever it takes to save them all, and especially her brothers

lily doing a bunch of stupid things for them

like she’d be ready to endanger the entire rebellion movement to save their asses

and the muggle(born) race, but to a lesser extent (still clarke-and-lever-vibes tho)

lily really going on a personal crusade for months trying to save and gather the remaining muggles all over the country, building up a team to find the survivors and protect them, but also to burn the deceased and give them decent burials (the last point would also be a matter of tension with aron: “burning the bodies really? it’s no fucking zombie virus! you’re the one destroying our people and our culture, not them!”)

aron as part of the “preservation of the muggle world” team ?? i mean this sounds like a very lame name put like that but he’d quite obviously be useful in that mission. what if they even go islands where there are survivors and they just contaminate them and kill them?? the guilt!!

is he living at the rebellion headquarters or in a muggleborn camp? how much does being non-magic impede his daily life, like how many places is he unable to access because of anti-muggle spells??

aron and red???? i just had this thought because krysten ritter would be a great red? like maybe not as a couple, but as a thing at least. he’d care a hell lot about her, and if she dies?? hm hm.

i think i just like picturing aron with terribly strong/extremist women because it is so radically different from who he is? he’s been raised as an extremely kind, respectful, and tolerant child (maybe even too much) who likes flowers and smoking pot while looking at the stars (headcanon in which aron does all of lily’s homeworks for botanique).

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.

mdr remember when i said this thread wouldn’t be about aron

so yeah, even with wynona. he couldn’t stand her being so ostracized by the others, and it’s no secret that aron likes kids so damn much, so he’d be terribly disgusted by her actions but would still take care of her brothers and sisters - and would eventually understand ?

also, if he also adopts a kid at some point, well he’s definitely going to bring him to the blackbird ranch

the blackbird ranch as une garderie

mdr that would also mean that aron and nathan could be found chilling out around the blackbird ranch -- my heart

wynona lifting magical anti-muggle barriers surrounding the ranch especially for aron!!

so yeah anyway wynona and aron. in a paradoxical way he forgives way more things to wynona than he does to lily. and wyn would try to fix their relationship. also aron could (try to) provide muggle solutions to her “leg problem” ? (wynona is legit afraid of muggle technology and savoir-faire, but also very eager to learn about it, soooo)

also this definitely implies aron/sacha?? i mean. i think that would be a super interesting relationship, because they would definitely be best-friends in a “normal setting” ?? but this is war, aron manages to get close to wyn when she refuses to complain to sacha, sacha manages to get close to lily and?? i don’t know, i see a great friendship, but also with a weird, nostalgic avant l’heure vibe to it? two kids who grew up too fast and now struggle on behaving as such. genuinely enjoying and supporting each other, but also the presence of the other is a reminder of what they’re going through and who they could have been? am i even making sense oh god

btw i always thought that sacha must have been close friends with fenugreek, and so was aron? they could have been sort of a trio, and fenu’s violent death would add yet another variable to their relationship

do the magical creatures of wynona know aron is non-magic and if yes how do they react to him

mdr btw i also thought about the blood transfer thing, i appreciate how we are both trying to save him

anyway there’s definitely some type of old/irish magic protecting him to a certain extent, i guess

the power of LOOOOVE

100% agreed i like the trope of “love is greater” so much?? like that’s cheesy but i’ll never get over it. we do terrible things for the people we love. lily and wyn are such goods examples of that. (“i was a mother and now i’m a monster”)

speaking about love nathan and the evans ???? yeah, he’d definitely be introduced as a cousin to neighborhood/family dinners. he would be the miguel of the family hahaha

mama evans adopting nathan as her third kid and sending him packages of food, or scarves she has knitted!! making sure he’s okay even when he’s away and harrassing lily for some news. pretty sure she has already invited nathan to the kinsale house while lily was still in hogwarts? like now i’m picturing aron/mama evans/nathan dinners and???

nathan spending a few weeks at the evans home every summer, with the evans twin carrying him everywhere and being over excited to show him muggle things?? the awkwardness of nathan, and the evans twins running everywhere with excitement?? mdr they must have been so happy and having so much fun and now look at them

sorry

evans twins getting nathan to smoke pot

evans twins always getting into trouble and nathan having to always make up for that

nathan coming to the grandparents’ farm!! where they only speak gaelic and look weirdly at him and always seem grumpy, but eventually they adopt him and give him a horse and now grandma evans is also sending him packages ??? (grandpa evans is still speaking gaelic tho, but he’s trying to be a bit more understandable. just a bit)

nathan being overwhelmed with packages from the evans mdrrrr

that’s def my new favorite trope here. nathan in the middle of this happy bubbly blondy family. yES

(what do you mean all your evans are dead now, shhhhh)

sans transition MUDBLOOD CAMPS??? i saw this coming but i’m still shook mdr

so i’m 100% FOR SACHA AND LILY TO MEET THERE??? these camps are pretty damn good at dehumanizing people and making them lose all hope, but if lily comes across a baby-like-aron that would give her a reason to fight back, and yes start mobilizing people, starting to spread across words and songs of hope and??? yes. sacha and lily as badass community organizers??? yes² i lOVE THIS

also lily contacting the rebellion/nathan once they escaped and being like “yeah i’m with about a hundred escapees rn, is there anything you can do or? we keep on saving ourselves?”

“it’s my people BITCH”

that’s the moment when she started using a rhetoric of “my people”. that’s the moment when she embraced her muggleborness, completely changed her looks, and started to harden her stance. “someone has to save our skins/i bear it so they don’t have to”

mdr lily and sacha, those skinny kids, leading their people to the rebellion can you imagine the badass scene

“yes we did this ourselves”

most of the people that escaped that day now have important functions within the muggleborn rebellion and they have sort of an added “street-cred” because this shit was legen…wait for it...daryyyy

i don’t know why this makes me think of “acide sulfurique” by amélie nothomb. but this does

also adrian can 100% join the muggleborn resistance, lily would be so glad, i’m pretty sure she has a hell lot of respect for that man. oh what if she’s the one influencing him to join the movement??? i swear she has some slytherin vibes now

how “‘fun”’ is it that lily now has slytherin vibes and nathan has gryffindor vibes right

also so sad about alice!! she was the purest. and i’m pretty she already took care of lily before the war cause you know, the girl always has broken ribs, or arms, or legs, or whatever. she would have looked up to her a lot, that’s saaad. like this is must have been so traumatizing for the rebellion, losing her

“nathan is a wolf, a dragon, a wildfire, a liar, a survivor” damn i’m into it.

it’s so sad seeing this délitement of the leaders but i guess it also makes sense? it’s war, people change, people die. bouhouhou

also YES carmen/lily, i always thought this would be an interesting relationship to explore. like i have this scene in mind when lily just got rescued by the rebellion, she’s quietly sitting somewhere at the headquarters, carmen is suspicious of her and thus try to enter her mind, and lily feels it, stares at her and mentally kicks her out?? like the rivalry from that on. carmen going up to nathan and being like “wtf is your sister, what’s the deal with her occlumencia??” and nathan being like “tf” cause lily never told him hahahaha. so carmen staying superstitious, especially with lily being a little naive kid and yet having survived captivity and torture for months, until some event (yet to be determined) happens and a mutual respect is instaured between them. lily could even become sort of carmen’s second?? that would be a super weird association but i’m here for it? also they could have stayed in touch after carmen left the rebellion, but if carmen’s more “team nathan” i guess they see each other less now? or maybe like i said carmen would be sort of a mediator between nathan and lily? can you imagine??? the kamoulox???

also i need to think about the carmen/wynona relationship. i guess loads of fights but also potentially loads of laugh? they could along pretty well even though this would requires a mutual ass-beating every once in a while. are they drinking buddies now or what? has wynona contacted carmen only recently after silence radio for years to discuss whether or not she should go back to the rebellion? so many questions!!

what if she shows up at carmen’s place without telling her (bc she’s not into that crap) and nathan is already here mdr. the awkwardness. sorry bye

also ofc wynona has been great friends with red for years, probably ever since hogwarts. it may even be for her that she decided to engage in the rebellion. she was there when red got arrested right after her quidditch game and knew she would probably be executed/détraqueurisée asap so she did what wynona does: coerced kyran, found her way to the rebellion, helped them to invade the ministry and make it go boom.

mdr this girl arriving outta nowhere with a plan to get the mofo ministry of magic exploded is so wynona. also insisting on having “faucon” as her first and foremost interlocutor because she quietly stalks them and knows that he’s the most likely to be interested. always had this scene in mind in which the first meeting didn’t go so well because egos™ and they almost ended up fighting and she refused to give him the plans?? and then she’d have regrets, show up to a meeting through another intermediary (let’s be real she must have so much friends gravitating around the rebellion), just quietly put the plans on the table

also the plans include the lists of the prisoners and lily’s on it??? wyn didn’t know who lily was to nathan but can you imagine?? maybe he thinks she did that on purpose hehe (but she really didn’t have a clue) (she might be bluffing about it because wynona blackbird™ confidence, you know)

tbh wynona probably was friends with….. milo, too? can you imagine. ACTUALLY can you imagine her trashing milo one day like “that idiot got killed for shit” in front of lily cause she doesn’t know?????? btw she’s definitely the type to have hooked up with him at some point. mdr. can you imaGINE

wynona and sacha!! mdr i legit hadn’t thought of “how to train your dragon” but that would be so cute and such a good example actually

omg daenerys!wynona

into

the thing is i always thought of wyn as an incredibly Cartesian/utilitarian character so she would always take care of her dragons equally, professionally with just a bit of affection (cause she’s a breeder, she knows she’ll eventually have to let them go), and having no favorite dragon whatsoever

but now?? i legit want her to have a dragon just so that he/she can blow in nathan’s face when he’s being an ass??? :)))))

also is nathan gonna be like this with dragons

mdr sorry so i was saying that yeah, maybe she has a dragon. like an orphan that she found completely by chance while she was at her lowest/darkest, and he/she sort of helped her “bounce back”? she raised him/her secretly because even though i doubt she is still providing much dragons in these times, she’s still trying to be a professional? so maybe even sacha wouldn’t know about this, until he/she starts to become too big/show up at the blackbird ranch even though he/she isn’t supposed to and wyn is like “hmhm. yeah. so i do have sort of a dragon hihi”, and then he/she starts following her everywhereeee

can it be like the bébés oies who adopt a human and believe that human is their maman oie?? what if the dragon believes wynona is a dragon, just really bad at spitting fire

I’M DISGRESSING

i’m actually pretty sure that wyn has stopped her “commercial” activities, just closed and hid to the public her ranch and is now keeping all her dragons hihihi + the ones people are bringing her eventually

she may be educating them to fight/support the rebellion but at the same time she’d be afraid for her bbies?

like she always loved her dragons so much but she had to keep a certain distance from them in order not to be too sad when she has to let them go. but now?? since she’s keeping them?? mdr she’s legit going to raise them as her kids, with toys and decorated paddocks??? like she would be so gaga hahahaha

can you imagine a baby dragon being born at the ranch and wyn offering that baby dragon to sacha and sacha giving back the fully educated dragon to wyn so that she can fly with him/her???? bitch my hEART

also wyn going to see the dragon/taking care of him and loving him so much already because he’s sacha’s baby without knowing he’s going to be hers??

plus if sacha didn’t know about wyn’s personal dragon that means she has two dragons now, full daenerys!wynona bitch

mdr and then sacha giving his dragon to wyn would be so full of tears on both sides like? actually that may be the moment when she realizes how she pushed him away and is feeling so bad about it? and she’d be like “no bby keep your dragon come on--WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S VOICE-OPERATED???”

right in the feels, i don’t want sacha to be sad :(( she would push him away because she feels like she has a duty to protect him and can’t do it anymore and doesn’t want the roles to be reversed!! poor baby!! like she’d avoid him on the ranch and shit because she’d be “ashamed”? sâd!! (btw sacha potentially never seeing his parents again??? gosh wynona just needs to be there for him she’s gotta wake up!!)

but wynona would love this dragon so bad!!

what if both her dragons have a baby and she gives him to sacha?? or anyway she’d literally travel the world to find him a new baby lol

wyn disappearing for two weeks bc she just went to romania to get a new badass dragon for sacha, b y e

i don’t know which wynona is my favorite now between bigsis!wynona, daenerys!wynona and rebel!wynona?? rebel!wynona is terribly efficient but terribly scary tho mdr

she’d definitely earn the “most likely to slap you in the face” award of the rebellion hihi

we do terrible things for the people we love !!!!!! yes !!! and the angst when coming back to the rebellion ouloulou i’m so not ready. like the simple fact of showing up to a meeting, trying to be discrete when she used to be the annoying f*cker always interrupting the plans, and yet everyone watching. or like everyone going silent for a few seconds. woooo

or maybe she came back when they found edan, so she was kind of like a messiah to calm everyone down? or to take part in the rescue mission of edan??

mdr this thread is just me asking questions to myself i’m sorry

just let my girl be one of the good guys ok thanks

calling the auderic out on a Men are Men™ basis is a mood tbh

and i actually kind of stan ydria?? i mean. “she’s a witch and a bitch and a pirate”. i’ll take ten of them thanks

gosh this family is so aesthetically pleasing i swear to god

nathan has native american blood??? what the hell??? does wynona know that??? i’m not okay (btw i really need to dig into the native american magic and tradition blackbirds may still be using) (the blackbird ranch is quite obviously filled with native magic so yeah) (woo i’m excited!!)

i really want nathan to have a boat and lily being allowed to steal it. can you imagine them travelling to ireland by boat?? BADASSES. also lily can’t transplaner hein, so at least it would be practical

plus the evans also have a deep connection to the sea, at least originally? they always lived by the sea, loads of them still probably are fishermen or lighthouse keepers or something? and they probably used to fight on the sea, too. i actually imagine the evans as somehow descending from a vikings lineage?? is it because i love lagertha too much and she fits right into the evans family aesthetic?? yeah. pretty sure they have nordic origines too. so anyway BOATS ARE COOL ™, let nathan get one for 2k19 thanks.

magical tattoos!!! i think lily mostly have muggle tattoos, but wynona is definitely covered in magical tattoos. (i mean all blackbirds have at least a couple magical family tattoos, so that’s a thing) why they all so stylish tho, i like that. the line everytime someone gets killed is a real thing too tho. both wynona and lily may have one, i need to reflect on it (cause lily would be covered in it hahahahahah) (i’m not okay)

sacha and tattoos!! i had never thought of it but i’m here for it!! (i’m here for everyone having tattoos anyway. even aron probably has a couple of small tattoos)

i have never ever imagined nathan wearing white and i’m so here for it?? woaw. i’m shook. it was pretty logical for me that lily would go back to wearing white after the war but nathan?? po wer ful.

nathan having dogs!! yes!! i love dogs i’ll take A HUNDRED of them

does lily have any cool animals?? i don’t think so, why doesn’t she get to be a cool kid?? maybe an augurey cause hm, accurate, but i’m not even sure. she’d love a dog but actually i think she’d be too afraid to lose him/her at war, like no way

i mean, she used to have a horse. what happened to the horses when she burnt the evans farm??? did she let them go, sold them, killed them in case they were infected too (cause it was pretty early on and we probably didn’t know shit yet about the virus), brought them to the blackbird ranch??

oh maybe the evans had a dog!! aron sure has a dog anyway, a very good boy that’s pretty much the only that can still make him smile the way he used to. or maybe a cat, but i’m rather thinking dog here. is aron a cat or dog person??

the blackbird ranch is a true noah’s ark i swear!! they have thestrals and hippogriffs and dragons and niffleurs, maybe they have also wolves hanging around? i mean, they’re a native american family you know. i don’t know. if yes, nathan go and help yourself (have i already said that nathan x wolves is a freaking aesthetic)

willy!! i love her!!

gosh why am i seeing parallels between willy and aron. stop it

i forgot willy had killed herself btw, gosh seeing the evans twins having suicidal tendencies must be so traumatizing for nathan

100% here for him to have a baby girl tho, pls get a wife already

weirdly enough i really don’t want lily to be a mother anymore, when she wanted so much kids when she was younger? and also, she always said she was fighting for the greater good, for the future of her people, for her future kids. but now she’s just thinking about the others’ kids? she sort of gave up on that. also it’s terrible for her to see children in times of war, so as much as she’d try to protect them, she wouldn’t be a Mother of All™ like aron or wynona or even nathan would be. interesting much!!

i mean anyway she’s been through so much physically she may even be sterile at that point :))

angelica is such a cool name

that really wasn’t related at all to my previous point, i’m a free bird yo

sacha as an artist!!!!!! yes!!!! lily is a true artist too, and the other day i was thinking about how this relates to her clumsiness. because i can see her playing music (irish harp!!), dancing (danse de salon ofc that’s what she does and also classic irish dances), and painting (so much!!). also doing sports, but she’d be pretty bad at it. actually she’s hyperactive so most of the time (before becoming an occlumens) she just didn’t pay attention to things, and thus did break things or fell badly while running. but hyperactives are also a bit monomaniac and can get super involved/obsessed with a single task and that’s what art would do to lily!!

also of course lily singing all the time, not necessarily great but with great spirit!!

that would be sort of her singing voice btw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrPHeRvmjqM&index=23&list=RDQMJzRQHxdVDcA can you imagine her singing that at the headquarters of the rebellion though lmao i’m not okay

so sacha and lily producing art in the middle of the chaos???? count me the fuck in

some additional thoughts regarding secondary characters:

fury!! i had this character in mind for so long!! he’s based off that norman reedus pv i had created on silver and opals. a ruthless rebel, with the face of cillian murphy or tom hardy (or, as originally planned, rami malek or norman reedus). irish also!! or maybe welsh. speaking/understanding gaelic anyway. and he’s like… what gus was to lexa in the 100? to lily. he’s the one who found her at the ministry (and so the one who got his ass kicked by her hihi), and ever since that he saw something in her? like when she mercy-killed fenugreek when no one else wanted to do it because he was a kid, he went like “always knew the kid had more balls than the rest of you”. and so he gradually became her back-up, her trusted man following her everywhere. he saw her power in the rebellion back when everyone thought she was just a weak child that had survived because everyone had pity for her. and ever since that he follows her, including in the muggleborn resistance, trying to keep her alive even though she’s so good at getting into trouble hihi. sort of a good little knight by his queen side.

btw is the muggle-born resistance movement a non-mixed movement? like are non-muggle/muggleborns wizards allowed in it?

anyway, and so yeah lily sort of gave hope to the very very hopeless person that was fury. he saw the light in her and is holding on it. actually there is so much mystery and imaginaire surrounding lily and her past that some people like him could actually fetishize her? make her into a sort of a messianic figure, and she would freak out so much, like wth stop it i preferred when people thought i was a small weak child!! but at the same time it’s a good way to control people and make sure they do what she thinks is best for them?? i don’t know?? but that would make her leadership very different from that of the rebellion for instance

can we talk about how everyone used to genuinely love lily and now everyone either hates her/wants her dead OR is obsessed with her in an unhealthy, fetishizing way?? can she have normal, non-complicated relationships in which people just appreciate her for who she is and not who she appears to be??? this is legit saaaaad, even her relationship with her brothers is going through ups and downs now. maybe the previous leaders really did appreciate her, but they also probably pitied her, and they’re out of the radar anyway for now. i’m actually rooting for sacha i guess? pls be a normal cool soft friend

i guess the relationship between fury and nathan would be interesting as well? they have common points and they both care a lot about lily; also fury has sort of “taken” nathan’s role as lily’s protector. is there tension, is there cooperation? i dunno. but fury has an undying loyalty towards lily and god does my girl need that

also the blackbird family!! they have a secondary branch that’s more leaning towards the deatheaters, maybe even working actively with them by now. that’s pure pragmatism, they’re done being killed and they think it’s the best way. the branch is headed by one of wynona’s cousin (who i originally thought would have the face of bob morley hihi) since the parents are also dead during the blackbird massacre at the very beginning of the war. they hate each other. some secondary-branch members have left it to join the blackbird ranch. maybe some of wynona siblings have done the other way around?? i always thought one of her sisters (marie avgeropoulos!!) would go rogue and join the deatheaters, and that they would eventually have to fight to death bah because otherwise it’s not funny hein

what’s originally the place of the blackbird family within society?? they’ve always lived a marginal life by choice, because they just don’t like british people, but they’re also purebloods! is there a pureblood council now and should they get a seat at it? were they ever invited to pureblood events/parties? wynona could have been the legal representative of the family at such events for some time, can you imagine? i really really need to exploit that

what is the american branch up to? do they have contact? are they coming? they’re the really scary ones. wynona may have gone rogue but she sure kept (most of) her family in check.

and yes, them being friends/allies with the macfusty clan!!! yasss

ok how freaking long is this??? i really got zero self-control lmao. brace yourself anytime for a thread that could constitute an entire book. wth. my brain’s a total mess.

xoxo, gossip girl

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dahliias · 8 years ago

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hello children it me theye. i am playing my love, my life, dahlia. you can read about my trash monster below n as always pls come plot w me ,,,,, u all know how i feel about plotting

lmao so. this is dahlia day hayes, aka twin sister to dexter hayes, aka the sensible one

jus call her dahlia . there are nicknames her Favorite People can use (dee namely) but if ur not someone she actively likes she’ll probably pour her drink on you lmao

ok so dahlia is 22, bisexual but its like a men 5 / 95 women thing , like she can appreciate the male form but 100% if u dont eat ur girl out she will

so dahlia grew up in new york with a really irresponsible mum and a constantly growing family; her dad abandoned her, shes got 5 younger siblings she helped raise, it was a real fun shitshow

basically her entire life up until about 16 was her family -- dexter, her siblings, her mother, she was consumed with morning routines, bedtimes, diapers, sick children, dishes, laundry -- she had almost no personality outside of “caretaker”

except .... dahlia is lowkey p freaking amazing up in her head ? she’s amazing at engineering and math. she can fix microwaves, toasters, ovens, driers, cars, blenders. if something broke in the hayes household, it’s dahlia you’d hear little voices screaming for.

she also has a calculator up in that head of hers. she’s been doing advanced calc since 8th grade, and senior year she was bored in two different ap math classes.

when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to try to make something of herself. she thought if she could claw her way out of the poverty-stricken mess, she could eventually bring her siblings with her and they could live a good life

so she applied for hundreds, hundreds of scholarships, met with college representatives, took her s.a.ts three times to get her 2300, -- all behind her family’s -- and dexter’s -- back

mid senior year, she found out that, against all odds, she had managed a full scholarship, living costs + relocation fees included, to berkley. with this knowledge, she pushed herself, and graduated with a 4.5.

she didn’t know how to tell her family, so she waited until a family dinner a few nights after her 18th birthday that she’d be leaving them. it broke her heart, but she desperately wanted to pursue her dreams, she wanted to know more about the world, and see more things than just the view from her crowded bedroom.

she left for berkley in august -- and it was nothing like she expected? it was horrid. overwhelming. her dorm room was too empty. she missed her family. it was like they were inside of her, ripping her to pieces trying to drag her back to them. she loved berkley, and finally had found a place she truly felt like she could belong and flourish, but she couldn’t handle being so far away from her twin, her babies, and her mother.

during spring break, when she finally saved up through work study to return, she dropped out and stayed with her family again; she hated herself for giving up something she was so excited and passionate about, but she felt like she couldn’t justify leaving her kids just to be selfish

so she adapted. she started working, although illegally, at a little nightclub as a waitress -- it helped, some, that she looked young, because sleezy drunk men were always willing to tip a young-looking blonde a little extra.

she did a fair bit of illegal shit too -- she stole, she cheated, she pickpocketed, she conned, -- and eventually she ended up in underground fighting

she’s good, too. at first she came home with the shit kicked out of her every night, but she learned to anticipate the throws and learned where to hit to make it hurt, and how to use her body to hurt other people.

she only fought on the weekends, but it was enough at the time

dahlia also grew angrier. every morning when she got home from a fight at 5 am and had to slather drugstore concealer all over her face to help get the kids up for school and out the door, she hated that -- once a genius with potential -- she let herself become a criminal.

when dexter left the family, she grew hard; it’s hard to learn that you can’t even trust your family, but she learned that. she started working double-time, with half the time to sleep, waitressing and pickpocketing, fighting in safe rings on the weekends didn’t cut it anymore, so she started to go to rings where she would be pit against grown men; it was riskier, but the pot was much larger.

eventually, one of the various dads of her siblings came back into their lives and tried to push in as “father,” and her mother, a wreck, let him. he told dahlia he wanted her to work on moving out because she was a bad influence on his kids, and dahlia was furious -- who was this man? a stranger who had left her family in the first place? she refused, obviously.

as time went on, the man became more and more aggressive with her, leading to an actual physical fight. she hurt him, and he kicked her out of the house she’d been raising her siblings in basically since she was a first grader.

she had literally no one -- so she took what money she had from the last few weeks, and put it together on a debit card. her plan was stupid and half-baked, but she decided that she would track down her wayward twin and force him to return with her so that she could get back the only purpose she had anymore -- her family.

dahlia’s not a nice girl. she doesn’t pretend to be. she’ll be perfectly cordial and nice, but if you pull a tone with her she’ll go 0 to bitch in ten seconds lmao.

she’s not afraid of very much at all, and she has literally like four switchblades on her at any given moment, even though she’s definitely dressed like some mannequin at forever 21 lmao

she always has a lighter or a box of matches on her, and when she gets restless or agitated, she starts striking the matches, shaking them out, and throwing them on the ground, or flicking her lighter open and lighting it over and over again

she’s v unimpressed w the male population. thank dexter and her dad for that lmao 99% sure her favorite water bottle dead ass says “male tears” on it

honestly dee is so ?? edgy n mean n tough ?? but she dead ass dresses like any other lil preppy thing w her shorts n skirts n her sheer ass shirt and heeled boots, she loves the hot weather in marbella so far so she’s just like yes please i love shorts and i hate jackets

she had never actually seen the ocean before bc berkley isn’t in beach county, so when she got to marbella and saw the ocean in person the first time she finally found the one thing that scares her and takes her breath away lol

so sometimes she just sits in the sand looking at it bc she hasn’t plucked up the courage to go and play in it yet shes honestly so intimidated by the ocean . she’ll never admit it bc she is the Man Of The House but still

it took her a while to hunt down her brother, she started in france and ended up here via hitch hiking and sneaking into trains, she has no fear its insane , so she’s probs only been in town like 2 weeks.

she’s currently staying at a lil youth hostel so she only really has a nice army backpack full of three or four mismatched outfits and a toothbrush and a phone + charger that only works w wifi. she’s stealing toiletries from tourists and makes a living pickpocketing atm

she’s probably going 2 be too easy to convince to kick back bc she hasnt had a goddamn day off in 4 years

when shes mad move anything breakable out of the way and do not stand close to a bar because she will throw a beer bottle at your head and she will destroy everything you own

the only ppl in the world who see any gentility to her are her baby siblings and they’re not here are they ?????

if she Adopts u she will show u how soft and sweet and lowkey maternal she can be, but otherwise nah

i genuinely am so brain dead now i cannot think of many plots but i have 3 i really want below so pls:

someone who she can stay with in the longterm -- just because she’s gonna be here for a while and there’s only so long she can pay the fees to stay at a youth hostel and live out of a bag honestly she’s gonna want to buy a bra and wash it regularly; i’d love if these two actually get along well whatever that means. like she’s not a horrible roommate bc shes spent her whole life cleaning up after other ppl but she’ll probs steal ur clothes bc shes not gonna buy her own lol

someone who can help her just fucking unwind for two seconds like girl needs to chill i swear ?? like get her drunk. get her to actually stand in the ocean. let her listen to music and eat good food. she’s never got to be a teenager, she needs that

a person who lowkey caught her with their wallet in her hand and was like dude wyd?? and instead of throwing a punch or calling The Law Enforcement Officers they actually stopped for a sec n now the two are unlikely bffs and they are her Emotional Support even tho shes mean and bitchy and likely is gonna be like “sad??? sad?????? i do not feel that emotion. nut the fuck up. ‘sad.’ what a pussy”

#islandrp:intro #cries theres so muchbackstory

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sanguinesprout · 7 years ago

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Therapy/Counselling diary #8 (my memory is baaad plus some general frustrations and encouragements)

This past week was kinda hmm... nyeeeeh. I wouldn't say I did anything particularly exciting or new or memorable and I was kinda sickly but it wasn't bad bad and that's all that matters ^^ My memory is bad bad baaaaad in other words, same as usual lol

I’ve decided I’m gonna try to write this weeks (or well, last weeks) stuff using the tumblr app this time, I haven't really used it much, but it's been pretty neat so far aka I cba to clear my desk and use the pc. My typo rate is srsly v. high tho and I wanna shorten the words cuz phone typing and effort but I think I actually type about the same speed with my phone as I do on the PC hah... If only I could read back the text and edit stuff easier as I go along though... oh welp. (Whoa phew, I thought I accidentally posted it by accident lulz the app gives a 'it posted' notification when I save it as a draft what even lol)

This weeks counselling app was... pretty alright, though I'm feeling the pressure and the nerves more now because as predicted I am expected to try even more harder with the communication and skill learning stuff for next time and I really arghhh xwx I only just got over the last wall and the next one seems way more difficult to scale... but I think I can do it... I just need to push away the unhelpful thoughts and persist..! >^<

So that sheet about emotions and thoughts I had to do... I only managed to write two small things but it's something at least, we didn't actually look over it this session because we were still looking at the unhelpful behaviour sheet from last last time which was a slight relief but I still have the sheet now and need to fill it by next week xwx

The behaviour we went over was to do with comparing yourself to others and I really can't remember a lot of the things that was said gdi... maybe I'll just bullet point some of the important stuff and the rest will come back to me easier... and so I don't forget even more lol I'm just feeling extra lazy and unmovtivated hahaha.. ugh @v@"

🍰 Every person has their own views on things/their own way of doing or reacting to things and there is no right or wrong way in essence. Like baking a cake, one person may use so and so ingredients and the other such and such or even something that seems pretty unconventional but they both still result in cakes. Another person may prefer the taste of cake 1 over 2 and another person cake 2 over 1. No one is wrong in their choices, it’s just personal preference.

🥞 All professions work together in harmony and are necessary to make up and keep up a society. There is no need to be ashamed of or think lowly of your profession because it is just as important (eg. trash collector people, some people might think lowly of them but without them there would be a mess of vermin and disease etc etc as juxtaposed with another profession like a doctor which is usually thought highly of).

🍕 The only way to break the cycle is by doing. Doing will provide you with the experience and evidence needed to override your negative presumptions and this in turn will allow you to get past the things holding you back and grow. Your beliefs should run on facts and not irrational thoughts which probably hold no truth at all.

🍔 Like reading a book, you only know as much as you've read (your current and past experiences and beliefs), but there is still so much left to learn and absorb if you push forward and continue. The parts you haven't read yet (future experiences and knowledge etc) may be the positive and powerful parts needed to neutralise and flip back the negative beginning chapters.

🍝 You live in a place where freedom and choice is encouraged and accepted (unlike some other places in the world where people live under strict control), so why would you willingly choose to cage yourself in with all these rules and restrictions..? (T^T Idk why... but I don’t want to no more that’s for sure!)

🍦 Everything you do should be for your own approval and not anyone else’s. It’s your life and your choices, not theirs. Your own opinions matter most and your own wellbeing should be your priority. Do it all for yourself.

🍩 I would really like a doughnut right now, damn. I can’t have any of these foods rn cause of my diet lolol... they’re unhealthy anyways ^^”

These are some really awfully phrased retellings of the stuff the counsellor told me, but that’s basically all I can remember right now but they give very interesting and useful views on things. Normally I would rephrase them even more or not include the examples but w/e I need to stop being so afraid, just get it all down nice and straightforward and truthful! Yeah, I could've just used the actual bullet point formatting but food emoji is much more exciting of course :D I literally can’t think anymore about last week, I’m just so overwhelmed with this week, my head hurts with the mental effort x^x I decided to go back to using the pc, the app is good for brief things only I guess.

In terms of doing something brave or well out of my comfort zone, I walked down a few streets on my own and went to collect some post. It’s something I’ve done before (though not completely on my own) but I still had a hella awkward time at the desk cause the queue was kind of jumbled and idk if the person before me was actually someone that came after, I thought maybe they were an employee and went behind them instead or maybe they skipped in front idk ugh... I really suck at looking and remembering people’s faces sometimes.

If I wanted to go somewhere else on my own my parents would probably not let me go and my dad would lecture me all the safety things even more than usual (seriously, I get the don’t talk to strangers type of line every single time..!). I’m not a child, I shouldn’t have to ask for permission and this time I didn’t ask, I just said where I was going and why and left but if I tried that to go anywhere else then they’d get ruffled. But the main thing is the communication again I guess, as long as they are informed, it’ll lessen the stress and make them more open to me taking my own initiative.

Like I understand they want me to be safe, it’s what parents do and I obviously don’t want to run into any trouble too, but sometimes being too overprotective and overly cautious means I’m just stuck and can’t grow at all. It just goes to make me even more scared of the world, when I should be out there doing things like everyone else, it sucks.

I know in parents eyes, their daughters and sons will always be their kids, their babies, but at some point they will see them as adults too and well, that just isn’t happening for me. I haven’t proven myself worthy of the adult title and I also feel I don’t deserve it yet, it seems a long way off still but it feels so ridiculous, but what is age but just a number anyways, everyone goes at different paces. I shouldn’t dwell on this too much and just try my best to prove to myself, yes myself first and foremost, that I can be an adult, I can be responsible and independent at least a little more. I need a better action plan really... besides the vague, get a job, learn to drive, cook etc. idk what else @^@” I’m getting a little ahead of myself with even this though, gotta not forget, take things slow and gradually, baby steps!! ^^

In my other endeavours with art and posting things online, it’s just come to a stand still or gone backwards actually, I’ve just gotten so scared again, I can’t put a pen to paper or even leave a comment on other people’s stuff anymore and it feels really awful, like why can’t I just do it and forget about feeling foolish or judged or inadequate, I keep overthinking again gdi..!! >^< I keep wanting to plan things and have things all perfect and ready instead of just getting things done as I go like other people... damn, I keep saying like other people, constantly comparing myself to them, that’s another reason I’ve gotten scared to try again with anything.

Gosh, these unhelpful habits are for reals and are the worst, at least I’m more aware of them though, maybe I can fight them back a bit better now that I know how draining and evil they are... Okay! I challenge you unhelpful habits!! Imma throw you in the trash and get my ass moving! You’ve got nothing on me! I can do it!! Ugh... ;^; No no, no sad! Fight fight fight! Go go go! ò^ó

My sis got me a lot of gifts relating to art, she encourages me through this and her kind words and wants me to do well, I want me to do well too and to show my gratitude with action, so imma do well and make a lot of nice arts to be proud of! They don’t have to be perfect! I saw a quote that was something like ‘even the pages on your bad days are better than the ones on the days you did nothing’ (I just totally butchered that lol) or something like that and it was like, damn, that’s true. A little practice even if it’s not serious is better than nothing at all! Okay okay I’m pumped!

The stuff I had to do this week is to help out at the front of the shop, gain some experience and converse with customers..! I already attempted it once for a short time and welp, it was scary but I guess not that bad (also I kinda botched up a phone order maybe) but I keep reading into things too deeply and negatively and it scared me off and now as usual the week is ending and my opportunities to try are limited, need to get my ass in gear, c’mon I can do it! Don’t be afraid, you’re doing well, keep going! ^^”... go go go! ^u^

Maybe I can kill 2 birds with one stone, sit and observe but also draw, space is limited though so idk if it’ll work out but there’s no harm giving it a try I guess. Must not forget to fill in that emotions/thoughts sheet ugh, I should have done it as I actually do stuff but I do things in bad and unconventional ways. Need to break a lot of habits. I downloaded this app that is supposed to help you build new healthy habits, so far all it’s wanted me to do is to drink water when I wake up so I feel more energised lol but I did it and it does help, I wonder if I can build a lot of other good habits too, it certainly makes things feel more fun in a way.

Everyday in my mind I want to look over the days happenings in a more positive light and congratulate myself for all the small things I did that I maybe I wouldn’t have some weeks ago, so I can see how much I actually improved and have put effort in. Even though on the surface it just all seems meh, I want to let myself see how things have actually become a little easier and how the negative thoughts relating to them has begun to affect me less and take up less space in my conscious. Be proud of yourself and all your endeavours, silly!

Hmm, this post is probably shorter than my usual one but oh well, I don’t want to spend too much time rambling or ruminating or being a paralysed perfectionist, I’ve got other bigger fish to fry! And draw and eat omnomnom! Yolo! x3

Okay okay, now I’m going to go do some artsy fartsy stuff or at least have myself set up for it and my conversing/experience gaining challenge hoo! Believe in yourself, you can do it! Let’s go go! :D

Have a lovely evening and keep trying, keep flying! ^^

#therapy #avpd #anxiety #social anxiety #depression #thoughts #feelings #family #self-motivation #trying a little is better than not trying at all #it's okay for things to not be perfect #believe in yourself #do it all for yourself #challenge the negative #keep going #baby steps #you can do it!#let's art and kick ass!

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hoopyfrood · 8 years ago

Text

ok so i've always had very long and vivid and oddly detailed dreams and last night i had one that actually came together to make sense so i'm writing it down for anyone interested

last night i had this dream that i was driving on a road with my mum and then before i knew it the road was a rickety old roller coaster from blackpool pleasure beach that ended in the sea

and we were driving carefully trying not to fall from the great height and i love rollercoasters but this was pretty terrifying and i couldn't remember hearing of this one before and luckily we managed to speed up near the end and avoid going in the sea

and then when we landed on the beach and looked back part of the rollercoaster had broken and collapsed and there were bits in the sand and the beach was empty and nobody seemed to be paying attention to this giant rollercoaster i'd never seen before

and i got out the car and my camera just wouldn't take photos of it, but there was this random debris in the beach so i collected some of that instead as a keepsake because it was all so weird. and then we drove back off to our destination

we rang their tourist info to complain about everything and how unsafe it was and how we weren't sure how a rollercoaster was so near a road and it should be knocked down. but they didn't know what we were talking about, and online this rollercoaster name wasn't on their website as a current attraction

but then i found its name come up in old records. it had been a long lost attraction that was only up for a year. about 70 years ago

so we went back and sure enough. no sign of it, no rollercoasters near the pier and going over the sea. we started to doubt ourselves, but i took a trip to a small local museum anyway to see what they thought of the items i'd collected that had been stuck in the sand (there was like a shoe and some colourful wood from part of the sign from the coaster, and a brass tin for some reason)

when i got there the museum was just like a small house with nobody on the till, so i went upstairs. it was closing, but not just for the day, there was one member of staff who was pessimistic and telling me they'd run out of money and things were going to other museums or sold off. and she said they didn't know what to do about lewis but he'd have to stay elsewhere

i was like ??? won't you at least look at this stuff also who's lewis?? and she was like you're my first visitor in ages, you clearly care about history so i'll tell you as i need to tell someone.

and it turns out this teenage boy had turned up one day on the beach, half dressed and no idea what anything was. he seemed to have no family members and they didn't know his surname, and they had no idea where he would go. she lived in the museum and cared about the local area so let him live there too

but it turned out that he'd not told them his surname because his parents had very much warned him about stranger danger. and he told the museum owner and when the lady searched it, she found his birth records from about 70 years ago. ironically he'd ended up being more part of the museum than she'd thought, and he knew so much in detail from life in the past

he'd helped her with valuable information of the past so she could complete maps and be able to date old objects more accurately. but he was overwhelmed by the new world so had remained pretty shut in, but safe, in the museum. now he had to leave and she couldn't go with him

i gave her the items but she just put them in a box she was packing for later. i went to talk to lewis and he recognised some of the items i'd brought and had been watching secretly. i asked him if he knew about the roller coaster because if anyone had info, hopefully he would. he said he'd seen it, but never been on it, he didn't have the money. he'd watch the rides from the beach, and the last thing he really remembered was being on the beach.

then two things happened.

my call about the rollercoaster started a thing at the tourist information and with the pleasure beach and local council and all sorts. they'd had no idea about this rollercoaster, and then on the news it showed them lifting the remains out of the sand and sea. i was properly weirded out because how could we have driven on it when it was in ruins under the beach?

they said it was all thanks to a caller, and i was glad they didn't know my name because i didn't want to be all over the tv. the tourist info had my number and called me and invited me to see the remains and talk to pleasure beach staff, so i went

they asked how i'd known about it, as they'd forgotten my frantic call about driving on it but remembered the name and looked it up and found deeply buried plans for what it looked like and where it was. (it was called the hot shot or something, the name was painted on a board over it with these garishly coloured stars and it was all wooden, and exactly as i'd seen) i said i was a big fan if theme parks and found the name online, pretty much true tbh

turned out they were going to rebuild it, a coaster going over the sea could be done safely and would be a great attraction. the tourist info had fought to make sure i got acknowledgement and they said i'd get some of the funds from the money made by the new attraction. i told them the money should go to the museum instead and went to the museum to tell the owner the good news and get her in contact with everyone else so she could get the money

this is when the second thing happened.

i turned up at the little house museum all excited and the lady there was oddly excited and kinda frantic. she didn't really register my good news about the money and museum staying open and led me upstairs and there was a girl stood with lewis, sand in her shoes. turned out she'd come from the beach just like him, and lewis had brought her back because he related to how scared and confused she seemed

and sure enough, she was from the same time period. and the lady didn't know what to do with these two people now living there, and i was like chill you got money now, so that was kinda sorted out and the girl could stay, but they weren't sure whether to tell anyone about her. they decided to keep it secret

i was still allowed to sit in on the rollercoaster planning meetings, so long as i didn't interrupt or tell anyone what happened in them, mainly because it was a lot of rich men arguing. this one guy had a dark curled up moustache and wore white suits and was like a mixture between doug dimmadome and one of those guys who introduces acts in a circus

time went by and i was getting a bad feeling about the rollercoaster. driving on it, rickety and weird as it had been, felt so scary and unsafe and the whole thing still felt unsafe to me

the rollercoaster was coming close to completion, and looked eerily similar to the old one. it wasn't flashy and new, still wooden and felt unsafe, even though the rich people doing the planning insisted they'd done safety checks. it made me have a new wariness for rollercoasters knowing these guys were in charge

they were already giving the little museum money, and i visited quite a bit to see how the rollercoaster was doing and hang out at the museum, modernising it a bit and getting them wifi and introducing lewis and the new old girl to modern technology

then this one day i went to check out the rollercoaster and i'd turned up on the wrong day. but doug dimmadome dude was there. things felt weird though, he was just on his own on part of the track looking down at the sea, and i didn't want to get told off for being on the track without safety gear, even tho he wasn't either, but he was rich so he could do what he wanted basically, so i kept quiet

and i walked a bit away from him on a bit that jutted out over the sea too, and then i looked into the sea and it wasn't really a sea. it was a sea of creatures, there were all these slimy heads sticking out of the water, grey blue to match the sea, no eyes no ears no features, just these teeth when they opened their mouths. like slimy snakes, but about the size of the biggest snakes

and i caught him saying something about catch of the day and i was like ok i'm just realising he looks like a villain so i think he's a bad guy here and some of the creatures wrapped themselves around the wooden beams and just fitted in the slats just so and i was like

holy shit. this rollercoaster was built for them, not us

and i walked away slowly but nobody seemed to have noticed me anyway. i went to a shopping centre and ate a couple of cookies and tried to digest what was going on but i couldn't stop thinking about all those slimy heads coming out of the ocean all around the rollercoaster

and i went home and then had these flashbacks of events in my dreams i think, idk there were just flashbacks. and it was the same guy but in older attire, planning the rollercoaster once again. and there was a guy testing out the rollercoaster who seemed to be friends with mr doug dude but then as he went around a corner this grey mass came out from the wooden track under him and he was just. gone. and then they went back into the sea all splashing into it and disappearing. and i saw the same thing with other people and it seemed to be happening on a planned basis, not every time someone rode on the coaster, but when doug planned it

and basically i rushed to the museum to tell the three there, and the girl remembered seeing a guy like that at the theme park when she'd been, but she'd been too scared of heights to go on the ride. i knew these two fit into the picture but i wasn't sure how

being the doctor who fan i am, i started doing a timeline because time seemed connected, and it seemed like history had been repeating itself. first doug had turned up and there were some headlines about him being hired on the pleasure beach team. then lewis had walked out from the beach, then the rollercoaster had returned, then the girl, and presumably the slimy grey eel things had come back at some point too

things then kinda sped ahead and basically, me and the museum people were on the track and i wanted to show them the creatures but they weren't there. then doug appeared all menacing and fancily dressed. and he did his whole villain speech explaining the plans

basically he'd almost drowned in the sea and they'd saved him. he could communicate with them somehow, could feel what they wanted. he felt like they'd chosen him and he was special and then he wanted to repay them. they felt hungry and scared and he told them about what he did and they gave him these ideas of a rollercoaster over where they were in the sea

and then every 9 months they fed. he would let someone on for free just before closing hours, and they could never resist that chance. then the grey things consumed the person and the ride came back empty

the creatures had appeared in the water under us and we were like ok you can't start that up again people would definitely notice this time, can't you just not feed them? but they would send him these horrible feelings and images of death and his death and they basically threatened to eat him

and of course, he was all 'well now i've told you, you have to go'. he said people had been wandering into their nest but not enough for when they needed feeding, hence starting up the rollercoaster again. they were really hungry so could eat us four easily

and then we kinda threw our lunches at them in the hopes they'd be full from that instead. and i was hoping they could turn out to be good and could live off veggies instead of something. and they did kind of recede. and doug was annoyed and climbed down onto the wet sand and was stamping around like come back! they can't leave they'll expose me!

and then the grey things started telling him things that he was saying outloud, like: what do you mean you don't want to eat them? how can those young ones be familiar? what do you mean they got stuck in your nest? they'd taste bad? eat them anyway! ...what? what game? why don't you sound scared any more? you... you were messing with me? you could feast whenever you wanted? then why make me a murderer on your behalf?! it was like fast food? that's not funny that's horrible!

and then he got eaten lol turns out he wasn't all that special they just used him for food. big mood

so we now had a clear idea of what had been happening. they'd used that guy to get them food, telling them it was a routine, but they'd been eating people in between whenever they wanted, they'd been messing with him, pretending to be an alien species, but they'd lived underground for years. they had started to communicate with us and told us these things. they talked to lewis, specifically, saying they could only all communicate with one at once. and he told us what they said

they were the new younglings. their ancestors had gone dormant and died after the rollercoaster crashed onto them during an accident. they'd gotten too greedy, climbing up the track and weighing it down. they were their own downfall. but the information of past generations passed to the new ones, and they'd woken up with knowledge of what to do. and time had altered by them returning. bits of history got out of place and lewis and the girl had been pushed out of the sand they'd sunken into, instead of being sucked down deep for years. they'd come through time and appeared minutes after sinking, but years had actually passed

then the grey things were kinda chill with us? they knew we wouldn't feed them people, and me and the museum lady were too weak for them go figure, and the other two would taste weird and old due to the time travelling/time shifting stuff. so we kinda got to know their kind and stories of the past

but even with the rollercoaster planner disappearing (being dinner) the plans had gone ahead and soon we all realised like oh shit the rollercoaster is still happening, those slimy things were distracting us

long story short we started throwing museum items into the sea below where the grey things lived. it was a sad sacrifice to make, but it made them ill, they needed fresh new things and had unwittingly told us their weakness. they all writhed around and ended up sinking the rollercoaster again with them

the planners were so angry but decided they should've known a sea based coaster wasn't a good idea as it'd sunk in the past. it'd only been up for a year again, but a year of building, not being open. there'd also been an exact year between lewis turning up and the girl, there was some kinda connection here with when time shifts happened and the grey things had done something to suck info from the past and brought physical debris with them or something

anyway the museum had already got their money from the estimated sum the rollercoaster had made and nobody wanted to take money from a small local museum. so the museum stayed open and i got a full time job there, and lewis and the girl who's name i still don't remember tho i think it began with a p? i think it was penny? anyway they dressed up old and 'pretended' to be from the past and told stories and we lived above the museum like a dysfunctional but happy family as the lady adopted the two teens sarah jane and luke style and the rollercoaster was never made again

.........or was it!!!! did future generations make the same mistake again in another 70 years!!! who knows

and that was another episode of 'fe's meds and vivid imagination make them dream up full length doctor who episodes and it's weird' lmao

#felix meows #i need to write down more dreams but this is like the one time it was all kinda connected and came together well #like usually it's jumbled and bits i forgot and the flashbacks idk if they were me or doug dimmadomes pov idek #this one weirdly made sense #rebloggable i guess #if doctor who pick this up hmu lmao

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oh-beyond · 8 years ago

Text

Idol’s life - Mid-Term Break Special

Chen was so stressed and busy, schedules on a daily basis, no joy, no rest, no nothing, SM getting into his private life way too much, overwhelmed, doesn’t have a moment to even breath, he was done… but meeting this foreigner unexpectedly will make his days more manageable.

Fluff but it’s Chen so he always tries to add a bit of spice to everything because… it’s this cheeky person he is.

Chen (Canon) x Reader

Masterlist

< ❤ A Valentine’s Day Special ❤ - Surprise or surprised? >

Summary: Mid-Term break just before Jongdae heads back to Korea, you just had those days off completely from any distractions, he has plans and they ain’t just cuddles…

That shower went… well… if it wasn’t for that little incident… his balls just seemed to get in the way all the time, still avoiding direct look, you kept ignoring the fact that something there existed.

“Baby it hurts, and you don’t even want to cuddle, aren’t you the one who likes cuddles?”

“As far as I remember it was you who wanted cuddles, look at you now all greedy.”

“Jagi is so mean, you didn’t miss me like I did, I was lovesick and yet you-”

You went on your tiptoes quietning his constant whining with a kiss, as your faces were both wet the kiss was very refreshing and soft but also intense, the kiss was fully capable of you to open the shower door get out as Jongdae stood there mesmerised at how bold and good kisser you’ve gotten, he knew you loved him and missed him just as much, he just wanted to feel it…

Constantly…

When he heard the door of the bathroom open again he turned the water off, he wrapped a towel around his waist hanging it low, he knew that worked wonders, especially as the v lines and his killer happy trail were showing.

You didn’t give much interest as he got out and kept putting your moisturising cream looking at the small circle you did in the mirror.

“Baby~~~”

“Hmmm, yes oppa, I will be late my parents are going to kill me, don’t distract me.”

“You did miss me didn’t you?”

You looked back at him his fringe over his forehead little droplets falling, his lips were very red from the steam, more droplets falling from his shoulders creating lines that you followed with your eyes shamelessly, you sighed loudly your shoulders shrugging when your eyes fell in them majestic v lines.

You set the cream jar on the counter top leaning on it to give it justice and keep eyeing him properly, your hands supported you but at some point and you really didn’t know when your fingertips were at his v lines feeling them as they met on his happy trail going back up feeling his toned torso.

“What are you doing Kim Jongdae?”

“I’m not doing anything, I just wondered if you missed me like I did.”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t think, just tell me.”

“I’m dizzy, I can’t talk right now oppa, what are you trying to do to me? Here I am wanting to run to my parent’s because you don’t know my mom she will call the police if I don’t show up, and now I am really wondering if that will ever happen today.”

Jongdae moved away with a satisfied grin, he went to the room and came back almost running with your phone in hand “call them, tell them you are with your oppa.”

“They will hate you.”

“No they won’t… I know I can win your mom’s heart really easily, I’m a pro with noonas” he said winking.

“Yah! Don’t you dare, not taking you near my mother anytime soon.”

“Please don’t go.”

“Listen, I have to, I promise I will call you, I just need to tell them.”

“Tell them what?”

“That I will be spending the nights out until you head back.”

Jongdae jumped on the bed excited “jagi? Really? All night and day and night and day and night?”

“How many days are those?”

“I will be here for 4 days, 4 complete days, with all it’s 24 hours and a full nights which I am not playing to use for sleep” he said as he kept jumping and… the towel dropped, your face turning the other way because as sexy as he looked with the towel wrapped around his waist this view wasn’t as amusing.

“Oppa, please!”

“Omo! You are still not used to me naked? Yeah you haven’t really properly seen me have you?”

“Oppa I am leaving” you said avoiding eye contact, you did spend the night together but it was still all weird and new.

“Well let me tell you that I have memorised every single inch of you, like the palm of my hand” he said taking the towel securing it again on his waist.

“OK so bye, I’ll call you” you slipped your shoes on, moving to the door he hooked his fingers in your pants loops.

“Goodbye kiss first.”

“What happened to goodbye hug?” you teased.

“Give me anything, I’m all yours.”

You went on your tiptoes again he closed his eyes pushing his lips forward like a cute ducky, you placed 3 fingers on his lips and opened the door to leave.

“Baby~~~”

“Oppa, 1 hour, we’ll have breakfast together and I’ll show you around, I also cannot wait to come back. I’ll cuddle with my coat in the mean time, it smells like you now” you ruffled his hair and finally pecked at his lips before closing the door behind you.

Your parents took it better than expected, you showed them pictures and your mother was really pleased of how good looking Jongdae was, embarrassing questions followed that you ignored. Your father just simply asked if he had a job and if he had enough money to sustain himself, you were very confident in saying that he did, finally asking you not to get pregnant. Why were parents so extreme all the time?

You packed a few things and rushed back to the hotel, you noticed how fast you were going when you stopped at the door before knocking, you looked desperate, you felt desperate, you were so desperate to feel him again between your arms, but… you weren’t going to give it away that easily, you straightened yourself fixing your hair, you fanned yourself with your shirt blowing at your cleavage, you felt your cheeks that were burning… it was the coat’s fault, you cleared your throat and knocked lightly on the door, Jongdae didn’t answer after 3 times, so you decided to use the key card Jongdae gave you before leaving, you entered slowly and heard him snore, you went to the room and saw him face down, wearing only his boxers, his leg hanging on the edge of the bed, you took off your shoes and tiptoed your way to admire this view, you got out your phone and started recording him, he was drooling and he made cute nosies after every big snore, you couldn’t keep quiet it was just too cute and funny, he slowly rolled over his back opening his eyes scrunching his nose.

“Jagi?”

“Yes baby.”

“Baby? I like that, can I call you noona? We can play” he said scratching his head propping himself on one elbow for support.

“What’s with this noona thing? You are pervert” you said getting up he pulled you falling down next to him.

“You jealous?”

“Yes I am, if you like them so much go get yourself one.”

“I just want you tho, I missed you, you smell so good.”

“Yah! Move away, come on lets go out, I’ll show you around.”

“I just want you to show me around you.”

“Oppa, really you don’t want to see my city?”

“I just want to see you, all of you, all day.”

“You know I was wishing you said that, because I want you too, I am just playing hard to get.”

“So is it a plan the 4 days?”

“Caged with you all day and night, yes.”

“As much as I like your coat… just take it off.”

You sat taking your coat off pulling your shoes out, Jongdae didn’t waste his time and wrapped his arm around your chest peppering little kisses in your neck, you unbuttoned one button from your shirt and he immediately pulled the shirt revealing your back to him, he pulled and you unbuttoned another button, slowly teasingly…

“Take it off.”

“Why?”

“I’ll caress your back till you ask me to stop.”

And that was a deal you couldn’t refuse, you peeled yourself from the shirt and threw yourself in the mattress face down looking to his side, your arms at your chest.

“Just relax.”

Slowly you stretched your arms as you felt his fingers on your back skin, tracing lines as he hummed a song you never heard, you loved his high notes but when he used his low notes… it was heaven, the whole experience, the adoration in his touch, just pleasing you, giving you attention, every now and then feeling his lips on you skin to distract you from the fact that he had unclasped your bra.

“Oppa~~~ I was wondering something”

“Hmm?”

“You know the way you like… I mean you look confident onstage, you look at the camera… and the fans… I mean direct eye contact.”

“Would you like me to stop doing that?”

“No no, I mean I just want to know how? Why the others are not like you?”

“The others are not me, I think if I am going to do this I might as well enjoy myself, it’s really my personality, it’s who I am.”

“Aha…”

“You are not convinced are you?” he asked stopping bringing his hand to your hair and caressing your cheek.

“But like… how can you dance to ‘Playboy’ and ‘Artificial Love’ so…”

“Do you like it?”

You hid your face in the mattress covering your face, you felt his weight leaving the bed, your toes curling when you heard ‘Artificial Love’ playing on his phone.

You turned around holding on your bra and he was just there, dancing freaking ‘Artificial Love’ in the hotel room wearing noting but grey boxers and god almighty you dared looking straight ahead and what did he have inside? A pair of socks? Because that size of balls wasn’t even possible.

“Oppa? What are you doing?”

He didn’t reply, concentrated look, frown in display looking extra delicious his hair over his forehead.

“Oppa?”

“No cane anywhere, I guess your leg would do.”

Your leg was being pulled as you held on your chest for dear life “OPPA!” He went on his knees and ground his crotch on your shin holding on your calf.

“Oh, oh, oh… but oh my god” you said trying to pull yourself from his grip but in vain, he stilled you in place.

‘거짓 미소 Artificial love 거짓 눈물 Artificial love 거짓 사랑 Artificial love 그게 바로 너의 너의 Love love oh oh No no oh oh’

“Stop it OMG I am going to have a heart attack, and aren’t your balls hurting now? Every time I touch you there you whine and make me feel like I have stabbed you.”

Jongdae got up from the floor placing his hands on the mattress, followed by his knees caging you underneath him, hoovering over you making you fall back in the mattress while you were still holding on your chest.

“They don’t hurt if touched properly.”

“I’m not listening, you filthy pervert” you said closing your eyes tightly placing your hands over your ears, he took the advantage of pulling your bra away.

When you opened your eyes in panic to protest his lips were on yours, all the tension from before was gone and you melted in his soft kiss feeling his chest pressed agains yours, being in the mattress helped deepening the kiss without struggle, so vocal, so loud, it was just a kiss but he was so consumed in making sure every inch of your mouth didn’t go untouched by his impatient tongue.

“Wait!” you pushed at his chest breaking the kiss “is this all we are going to do these 4 days?

“Nope, first thing is you see me… naked.”

“What?”

“Naked, I want you to see me, you need to know how I look right?”

“I’ve seen you all, you are always in boxers.”

“You haven’t seen this” he said taking your hand guiding it to his crotch.

“I don’t want to, it’s probably scary, why are they so big.”

“They, and it!”

“Stop stop, this is very uncomfortable.”

“Alright, so this is the deal, no cuddles, no hugs, no kisses, nothing, until you come and ask me to get naked and I see that you are properly looking down here.”

“Oppa!” You gasped covering yourself with the sheet, you were so annoyed but he looked just fine.

He took his phone and called ‘Minseok hyung’ that you heard him say, he was bubbly and happy and kept talking and talking…

You stayed in the bed covered only with the sheet, thinking… why was he so cool about this? He’s always been so clingy, he didn’t care? In theory what he was asking for wasn’t that bad… he was your boyfriend the guy you lost your virginity to just a few hours ago, you were being inconsiderate here, and why was he coming back with a smile, he was FaceTiming now, you heard 2 male voices, OMG…

“Say hi jagiya” he faced the phone at you meeting with cute Minseok and a very disturbed Junmyeon.

You covered your head with the sheet and hid, but they saw you, yes Minseok and Junmyeon had totally seen your exposed shoulders it looked like you were naked, and why were Jongdae and Minseok laughing? Junmyeon such a gentleman, he was shocked also by the fact that Jongdae was in his boxers, this was too much.

“Oppa~~~”

“I will leave you now my girl needs me.”

He did not just say that and in English so you could understand it, you started to cry, but why? Embarrassment or the overwhelming feeling that he was this open with his hyungs? You were officially the girlfriend of an SM idol.

“You called Jagi?” said Jongdae getting under the sheets with you.

You covered your chest in surprise “they saw me! I was not dressed”

“Nothing is showing, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“But they will think…”

“That you are naked underneath the sheets? Yes they will, and that we spent the night together and it wasn’t sleeping? Yes they will, and they will be happy because they know how much I love you and I suffered when you were not with me” he wiped your tears away.

“But still…” you said getting close.

“Nah-ah-ah, nope none of that” he said moving away.

“Oppa~~~” you whined patting his crotch.

“Oh, alright” he moved closer again, you buried your face in his chest hearing your breaths getting louder.

“Oppa I’ve missed you so much, don’t get away from me, don’t ever do that, I need you close, just the thought of having to deal with you leaving again.”

“I love you” he said his voice and octave lower “oh! Jag-wow that was fast, I though it would take more time for oh, it’s ticklish.”

“Oppa will you explain to me why are your balls are so big?”

Incredible 4 days, nothing absolutely nothing but being in bed, room service visited 3 to 4 times and often it was left till food got cold in the corridor.

Today he was going back ad it was a bittersweet feeling as your lips were on his chest your forefinger feeling his mole in front of you, smiling to yourself as he traces circles in your back and kissed the crown of your head.

“What will happened when you go back baby?”

“Such a bad student, why did you have to fail?”

“I was heartbroken, I had a boyfriend that ignored me.”

“I am sorry, I won’t ever do that again.”

“Well now I can’t go back, how are we going to do this thing oppa?”

“I will try to do this every month, and summer holidays you are spending them in Seoul, and I will pamper you properly and spoil my girl, and get you nice things because I came empty handed this time in a rush, and you will learn Korean because my English is horrible and I’m sure you laugh at me, and if we are on tour you are coming with me, and you will be present in all concerts, and I will sing to you, and look at you when I grind on that cane.”

“Your EngUish is so cute tho oppa, and I would love you to grind on the cane looking at me only.”

“You will be in for some ride, be ready.”

“So we will be like Jongin and Krystal?”

“Pfffff, do you believe that? It’s a lie.”

“So my friend has a chance?”

“Are you serous? Nini? He is so shy it will never work, unless she can get his inner Kai out.”

“So different from you oppa, no shyness in you.”

“And that’s why I got the girl.”

“Oppa cuddle me tight again.”

“You are addicting, come here and give me a proper goodbye.”

___________________________

A/N: Can’t finish these series, I hope you can cope with all the feels ^_^

Thanks for reading, feedback always welcomed.

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