#i am unable to process
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The Game Grumps played Sam and Max: Hit the Road aND I CANT-- TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS AAAHHH
#art#game grumps#game grumps dan#game grumps arin#sam & max#sam and max fanart#i cannot#i am unable to process#artists on tumblr#cartoon#drawing#artwork#pencil#cartoons#character art#comic books#my characters#digital art
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HOLD ON
ED IS IN THAT SCENE?????
#HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT SEE THAT IN THE LEAK UNTIL NOW#I AM UNABLE >TO PROCESS#ofmd#ofmd s2 trailer#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death spoilers
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
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What is like to be a kid?
What is like to run around outside?
To have a colorful imagination?
For life to not be an unstable ride?
To not be tainted by those with selfish ambition?
When you’re five, are you still a kid?
Did you get to just have fun with friend?
When you’re six, is that not the start of your descend?
Not having to worry about meeting one’s end?
When you’re 8, does life still feel great?
Were you able to live outside constant fear?
When you’re 9, are you not held down by weight?
Never wanting to disappear?
When you’re 13, are you still able to smile?
Able to walk without guilt?
When you’re 14, can you still make life worthwhile?
Existing without feeling your world tilt?
How do I be a kid?
#we’ve never been a kid#the majority of us don’t remember ever feeling like a kid#And almost all of us are even unable to register the fact we are a kid#(No not transage thats weird)#we just haven’t ever been able to be a kid#That privilege was taken from us at 5#it hurts not being able to process the fact we are still a kid#I can’t even grasp that I am
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Can you believe that in a couple of days I am seeing my favourite musical being played in my country for the first time ever... Because I can't
#i am still processing this#like i am fully expecting something going wrong and being unable to go#personal
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#i come back here every couple of minutes and read a new post abt liam and it just#never sinks in like how am i sitting here still being unable to believe this is happening#i feel like the denial part of grief will stay longer w me this time bc i didnt actually know him#i never spoke to him i never met him i didnt see him every day hes not a family member#i#didnt#know him#god please tell me why am i grieving someone i didnt even know#and its not like im inconsolable or anything it just feels like something i took for granted is now gone and my mind cant process it#i hate this
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everywhere I look.... chemistry is sneaking it's way into my other courses
#THE BRANCH OF SCIENCE IM THE WORST AT OFC IS THE ONE THAT IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING#text#how do i suck so bad at chem but am good with the others? no idea tbh its a mystery#when i say i find the microcosmos interesting im talking abt the organisms not atoms and molecules#please leave me alone chemistry u will never make sense to me#like i know the words i read and am told but i am unable to actually process and understand
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I think I've become an official HI3 player. I check the HSR leaks hoping for iterations of HI3 characters now
#I have little hope about some of them. For instance the Su and Kevin voice actors are taken by Aventurine and the Trailblazer iirc?#Kalpas' voice actor does the male Dreamseeker in Part 2 of HI3 which is not as terminal considering HSR is a different game but still#Luocha thankfully exists. I don't think they'll be introducing Kiana anytime soon#I would love Sakura but I'm way more into PE Sakura than CE Sakura and then there's what they did with Miko#Some of my favourite things of PE Sakura they gave to Jingliu or Acheron already (freeze time‚ haunted and corrupted by loss‚#unable to unsheathe a sword and memories coming back to her when she does‚#piercing someone's heart with her sword but the other person living on with a new life‚...)#Thus an iteration of all that but with the cool things missing could get messy and unsatisfactory pretty easily#Mobius and MEI are similar to Mei and Herta so they're in a similar situation to PE Sakura#I find Griseo somewhat unsettling in a good way and in a way same with Eden. I love all the loss weighing on her as if she had already dead#with the concept of her being The Era itself and the era dying. So I wouldn't mind seeing them too#Hua seems like she may appear in the Xianzhou? Given the Marshall existence and that the Xianzhou drinks a lot of those concepts#Blade‚ Dan Heng and Jingliu drink so much of Fu Hua. I don't care about Hua though. The Herrscher I did like though#I'm curious about what they'll do#Other than the Chinese voice actor having already a steady job in Mihoyo‚ there's echoes of Kalpas in Blade‚ Arlan and Sam#so I really don't have much hope there. Not as little as with Kevin and Su perhaps but... yeah not really a lot of hope#Yet here I am. Hopelessly hoping for a Kalpas iteration. Imagine how beautiful the fire would be *sigh*#I was so mad about him being my favourite in HI3 but it just makes sense#Besides the Guzm.a process he went me go through‚ he truly has a lot of themes going on that recall Blade. I don't know...#I like his CN voice actor a lot‚ and how he plays Kalpas in particular‚ both when he's calm and when he's deranged#The Dreamseeker doesn't have the same voice at all unfortunately. I would really love to see him in HSR what can I say#That's the kind of person I've become. In a little bit of time I'll be wanting a Kalpas plushie at this rate#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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Idk how to put that without sounding like a pretentious bitch that I am, but. Dealing with your trauma doesn't mean you'll become a glowing ray of sunshine or forget every unpleasant event in your life? Like, PTSD isn't when you know where to hide during a shooting, only when you have a panic attack over champagne bottle popping. Being able to answer a direct question about the traumatic event is a good sign. Looking into a pattern doesn't mean you're tRauMAtiSEd only that you've learned from past events.
All of this goes double for fictional characters. So. How about we stop acting like Fifteen is in the same mental place as Fourteen during his WBY meltdown?
#sigh. y'know if i was mean and of course i am not i would say 4 years of evoking depth out of 13's inconsistent writing#left the audience unable to process an actual character#I'm not saying 15 is FINE but this trend of oathologizing basically everything he says or does is just...#being traumatised is a different thing than having a personality y'know?#dw spoilers#tw: negativity#fifteenth doctor
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guys isnt it weird how motogp skipped thai gp haha right and let pecco have the win haha guys weird how there was no race today huh
#motogp#thai gp 2024#im in. denial#thailand ily bc we're brothers but holy shit wtf was that#flopfest to the extreme#im. so tired#atleast pecco won#(for marc) i say as my dumb rpf brain needs satisfying#still kinda a flop show#congrats to pedro for podium ig?#marc outta title race and its 2 am and im unable to fully process that
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Random question about the “they should make persona for people who like good games” post. Do people think the persona series is that bad? I know they aren’t perfect but I wouldn’t call them bad games.
I had a wholeass essay written out before i realized im too tired to make it sound coherent. AND my only experience is p 4 and 5, so my opinion on it means jack shit. All i can say is that the most recent titles suffer from bad writing. (And repetitive gameplay, but thats a different issue). Be it poorly written characters and dialogue, or poorly written interactions and plot, it is hard to take some of the stuff in the more recent games at face value. One could argue that that just means the game is subpar, not necessarily bad, but thats subjective; bad means different things to different people. And i say this as someone who thinks this game is Not the best but still found it incredibly engaging and entertaining.
#chattin#i am the kind of person to write video essay length posts on games that disappointed me LOL#so i am the wrong person to ask#remember that when thinking about the quality of a game; you should ask urself#who is the target audience? is it accessible to this audience? do i need an outside source to keep up with this game ? (like a guide)#if its in a series; what does it do to separate itself from the others?#is the writing okay? characters? interactions(#?#insensitive content ?#how is it handled? the game may me okay for me but can I have my fat friends enjoy this game???#can i have my trans friends and gay male friends enjoy this game???#who can i recommend it to? my sister is unable to process all of the social links and requirements for these social links#so she just. doesnt do it. she IS the target audience bc she likes rpgs#and she likes the story and characters. but its too overwhelming#and the social links would be overwhelming regardless of the difficulty#are u meant to enjoy the game in one playthrough or across multiple runs??#is it WORTH it to do those runs? for a game that has ‘choices’ it is painfully linear#and it confuses people who are trying to follow the rules (do things in my free time to build confidants)#when theyre unable to actually hang out w confidants bc of a rush of mandatory scenes#velvet room fusions are a pain and overly complex#and the game stops being about making a good build#and it starts to become ‘make a shadow null to everything bc the game will keep instakilling you’#forcing a game over when ur main character dies is ALWAYS bad to me i will swear by this#u make more interesting builds when u arent scared of a gameover#weh. rambling#the game is as bad or good as u want it to br#people clearly love it; we talk about our faves all the time. but how many of us are replaying a game meant to be replayed. not many.
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ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion
#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it#shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable#to process why i can't answer a simple question#and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that#wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me#a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her#which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk#in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am#but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal#im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk#i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i#i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him'#bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of#being in control of his life#so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal#like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good#it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support#also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him#we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices#besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words#to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words#i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for
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im a smidge drunk and i think this job ending fucked me up worse than the games one? At least with the games one i had constant visual evidence that that company didn’t give a fuck about anything other than profits and was super willing to grind me into dust, but this nonprofit job had unlimited PTO, the longest and nicest trainings ive ever had, and the work was genuinely not very complicated or stressful. and they still let me go with zero warning whatsoever and not even a whimper that anything could be wrong. bc while the current campaign was doing Bad, there was a really clear reason to point to (the war). and when i was let go my boss was still talking really hopefully about a major donor who hadn’t given yet, all the new grants we were going to pursue, and how our reserve and investments were still doing well. so what the fuck. was my $55k a year really the fucking breaking point for this four mil a year nonprofit. i am still so so so anxious that my old boss is secretly going to give bad reference letters bc this still makes no sense to me
#it’s been three weeks and i have been unable to do much of anything#i have not prioritized applying to jobs bc i have been so focused on getting shit together for unemployment#but im not even eligible for tx unemployment and ma still hasn’t gotten back to me#so i think perhaps i just bite the bullet on crippling credit card debt and stop thinking about unemployment money even tho i am fully#fucking entitled to it#the snap process in tx is also a fucking nightmare!!!#and doing all this on a laptop from 2016 is less than ideal#but yeah this firing/being let go/whatever has really really fucked me up
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my 7 yards of silk-rayon burgundy velvet has been handwashed, dried, and properly hung up so it won't get creased before I get around to cutting out my pattern pieces
#and now I am le tired#sewing#fabric#velvet#my sewing#Yule dress#velvet Yule dress#Very Fancy Santa Hat#I did end up with a couple of teeny tiny marks from when I hung the fabric to drip-dry on the line before I could put it in the dyer#there's one visible in this photo if you know where to look#I've seen some techniques for getting those kinds of marks out of silk velvet but I'm not going to worry about it right now#once I actually lay this out to cut out pieces for my dress and Jack's hat (and whatever else this fabric ends up being) I'll deal with it#on an as-needed basis and not like. scouring the whole 7 yards for every little imperfection#generally it came through the washing and drying process FANTASTICALLY and is actually way less creased and marked than it was before#and I'm not such a delusional perfectionist as to think that I can keep velvet looking photoshoot-pristine when worn in real life lol#but at least this way I won't have to baby the fabric and fear spilling something on it and being unable to wash it out#and actually the silk brocade I washed for my Rhaenyra cosplay last year held up so well that even when I DID spill an alcoholic beverage#the dress just completely shrugged it off. I used a wet napkin on it at the time and it's completely disappeared#don't listen to anyone who says you can't get silk wet. you just have to wash it and dry it BEFORE you sew it and then it's fine#I bought this fabric from SYFabrics.com if anyone happens upon this in the tags and wants to buy similar fabric#highly recommend SYFabrics they have never failed me
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searchengine dot com clicks search bar typing "how do i make peace with the fact that i am living a life that is the situation i was terrified of ending up in as a kid. how do i make peace with the fact that my younger self would've killed themself if they saw where we are now because the only reason they stayed alive was for a dream that has been relatively recently rendered impossible forever. how do i continue to pretend that i am just the same as everyone else and a-okay when i feel like i need to scream for help nearly constantly. how do i make peace with a situation that makes me feel nauseous to simply think about and remember i exist in."
#anyways i suppose its a good thing but i am going to get set up to use the food bank soon yayyyy#this is so scary lol i thought... i thought i was going to go to university and become a therapist or smth in the psychology field#and now i am. staring down the barrel of applying for welfare. and unable to work. and still living under my abusers thumbs.#and if i dont apply for welfare then i am going to run out of money and ermmm its game over at that point. christ!#counselor today told me very genuinely that she's damned if i'm going to kill myself on her watch fdsgjkl#me crying to her saying i just want to admit myself into the psych ward while my parents are away so they dont find out about it#just so i can get someone to fucking help me through the welfare application process. i would like a hand to hold im sorry!!#things are Not good 👍👍👍#but at least i might be able to use the food bank. but i still feel like i am not bad off enough to use these resources#despite like. i qualify for welfare at this point. thats why i can apply for it fdjskl.#but i still somehow feel like i am not bad off enough for this stuff. idk. argh argh argh argh#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide cw
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also weird think abt how see so many people say "am nonverbal but can still hear you !!!" like that cool !!! but uhm .... kitty cant . why is "still able hear !!!" this like ,, save grace thing . like you apologize not speak by able understand people .
because issue aware issue process any sensory input and just need for very intense sound cancel or else bad meltdown kitty cannot hear ,, and even if COULD hear what say many times not even understand unless use simple language ,, get confused too easy and am lost in own head very much . am lesser because ? do need apologize because ? won't do .
i nonverbal and no cannot speak and cannot hear you well . and even if could very few people know how talk me .
#txt#this doesn't even cover cant see well either . because need headphone so much not wear glasses because head sensitive to pressure#and if do wear glasses still struggle be aware pay attention and even just visually focus on things#but i not exist to be easy . i not exist to be approachable . i exist to live and will not apologize for#kitty not call self hoh or anything because . dont really think that fit i just . unable process world around me well unless it baba#if people assume am idk but it not word use self
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