#i am trying to keep myself sane
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Day 1 of characters in the colors of their flags for Pride Month
Dimentio // Cinthean (hc)
#super paper mario#spm#dimentio#pride#I also hc him as agender <3#but i am sticking to one flag per character to keep myself sane#I’m gonna try my best to keep on top of this I have hope-
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i shouldnt have listened to the me from 3 years ago when she told me to get into paralive I SHOULDNT HAVE LISTENED ARRRGHHH im sane! im so sane!
#i put it off for SO LONG#like i kept telling myself ill try to get into it#but the stars never aligned until just now#AND IT'S GETTING TO ME ARRHGHGRHGHRHGR#IM JUST MOSTLY BANGING MY HEAD ON A WALL#im ok. im sane ab allen im so sane#god#AGHGHGHHHHH#who am i gonna talk to??#do i keep this pararai infested brain to myself?? HELL NO????#i need my friends to suffer. ill blab to them
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I actually survived 100 days in my Minecraft world and didn't die once lmao
#yeah at this point pirated video games are one of the only things keeping me sane#and minecraft can be a real comfort bc I've been playing it since... fourth grade. I think?#so that's 2015-2016#despite all that time I've never gotten too good at it#spent most of my days in creative building statues to cartoon characters in a super flat world#but I'm actually trying to play it properly now#and what I've achieved. 100 days in survival with no deaths. albeit on easy mode#is actually a huge milestone for me#and I'm rather proud of myself#I haven't done much. house farm and croptopia orchard#tamed a wolf and two parrots and am currently in the process of building animal sheds#haven't even breathed in the direction of the nether or end yet#but still#and I'm actually having fun doing something for once#I know. me. having fun? who am I and what have I done with nia?#but running around in this silly little block game does let me take my mind off a lot of things#and that's gotta count for something right#minecraft
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#tomorrow I am going to bake two quiches in an effort to keep myself sane#and we’ll have those and also polenta and creamed cod#because I love creamed cod#I wanted to try to make blondies but we already have pistachio panettone
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taiga saejima put on the cat ears. please. for me.
#30 mins before my first final and I am in the verge of jumping out of a window so I am trying to keep myself somewhat sane#It is not working btw#if there's art of this u send that shit My Way. please#nile talks
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Being a ranger I spend a lot of time alone in the wilderness for hours in the company of one of four co workers.
One such worker for the purpose of this post we shall refer to as Dave.
Dave is a very quiet man. He confesses that if conversation happens too quickly and for too long he gets tired so we often work in silence. He's very polite and good natured but it's obvious that he would happily live and work alone for the rest of his life given the option.
He's very much in the previous generation of ranger, a practical man in his fourties or fifties happy to be kept physically busy for a day and then be sent home with some pay. I had to show him how to use a work issued smart phone.
Meanwhile the rest of the team is made up of the current generation of rangers; openly nurodivergent queer women in their twenties or thirties who work this job because it's the only setting where we can vaguely look sane.
So Dave sticks out a bit. It's really nice when he opens up though because he's an impulsive individual when left to his own devices and has plenty of stories to tell if the mood takes him. I really like working with Dave.
Anyway, one day we've got a job that takes a three hour hike to get to and early on the topic of deer comes up.
I hadn't realised this was the first time we had discussed deer, but blatantly it was. Dave's entire demeanour changes, there's a bit of passion in his voice, but it's also hushed as if he's talking about something sacred.
"Deer are my favourite animal." He says.
I'm also eager to hear Dave talk about himself, so I encourage him to say more.
"I'd love to be a deer myself."
And more
"If a genie offered me the opportunity to become a deer I'd take it. I wouldn't even stop to ask what the price was."
And more
"Sometimes I feel like I'm a deer having a dream about being a human.*
And there I am, a long time commuter to the therian/otherkin community keeping up the encouraging face of someone being politely interested, knowing that this man is straight up a therian with no frame of reference.
And I decided that I wouldn't push the subject outside of the bounds of what Dave is comfortable with, I wouldn't try to teach him the terms "Therian" or "Otherkin" but absolutely I would talk with this man as if he's a deer.
And it's a bit magical really. He's an impulsive individual so I have to talk him out of some risky choices every so often and "this is why deer like you keep getting stuck in fences" has become this magical phrase that allows him to step down from a mistake with a bit of a smile on his face.
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guess we're starting off the new year with a mild migraine, same as last year
#at least this time i got stuff to keep me sane and an emotional support meep#but gahd i hate how delicate i am now#trying to keep myself afloat feels like trying to clean velcro
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Sometimes growth means shutting the fuck up and not saying the thing your brain is screaming at you to say because you realize that saying it will likely just make things worse.
#I'm just trying to keep myself sane over hear#my brain isn't on my side atm and I am actively working against it#because therapy gave me the tools to do so#so I need to have the willpower to use them
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sigh. okay. things to look forward to. maybe video call with Reggie tomorrow (depending on wether he'll be up to it). also tomorrow, going to my mom finally. seeing Pumpkin again. also also new thousandaires episode drops at 1 am my time so I'll most definitely only see it tomorrow but it's an exciting one that I've been waiting for all week. also Olive back in a few days. it's fine I'm going to be fine everything is good
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hey nasty! I just started reading a fic where Koenig kidnaps you and while you’re held captive, he starts teaching you German. This made me think of you so how are you?? How’s your new job going :)
Hey!! Haha, that's so sweet, thank you for thinking of me ( ◜‿◝ )♡ That sounds like such a cool fic, I'd love to read it too!! Too bad he couldn't teach me German... Mhh... Maybe Nikto could teach me Russian like in early's Nobody fic 🤤 Language barriers are so fucking hot, whew
My new job is going okay. My boss can be a little weird at times and it causes me a lot of stress, ngl, but that was clear from the start - I am kind of doing my residency right now, so I am seeing a million new things a day and still have to sit my ass down to study after 8 hours of work 😭 But the pay is really good and I will get through this, too!! Life sure is exciting ajsjjsks
#ask#anon#work is work ahaha 😭🫠#could be better could be worse#i am trying to shell out some time to write at least twice a week to keep myself sane haha
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feel free to call me arrogant anytime but also any other arrogant bitches finding the logical conclusions and reasonable rules youve reached for yourself are sometimes hard to follow due to. emotions and discontent or is it just me
#mypost#YES i think its stupid to stay in unequal relationships. YES im finding myself increasingly more alone#on the account of. not just that one reasonable rule of course i have to imagine its my Personality in many ways too#I DONT KNOW. i honestly dont know. i wanna be like an alpha male podcast or a know it all twitter account and say#''people cant stand a self respecting bitch theyll do anything to tear them down. keep your head up king your crown slipping''#but thats so fucking stupid lmao. making the world your enemy about your pain. so childish. so heavy on copium.#but then what is it. when you put the criteria ''i want to put in time and effort for a friendship and i expect it returned''#what? does the whole world get eliminated in one swoop? is it that bad out there?#like does it make your chances drop so critically youre basically bound for a life of loneliness?#am i so above and beyond my peers or is that a comforting lie for lonely people.#am i sane and sound? or am i traumatized and scarred beyond return?#is that it? rationalizing trust issues? even when im aware of them? actively looking for and trying TO trust am i still in its clutch?#and how many rounds can i keep this up before i run out and close myself back up. i need divine intervention#hold up am i ruminating on my personal responsibility on a systematic issue. wait. thats stupid as fuck#try again later im tired
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le sighs and screams loudly into my hands
#im just gonna talk about it in the tags lol#i wanna like participate more in fandom spaces but i never really do that because i get so scared#i mean sure writing fics and all is fun but like ... idk#on twitter seeing ocs for it is soooo cool but i feel if i do it no one would like it idk#i think thats just my overthinking and second guessing myself#i wanna be more active and all that with fandoms but just fear#its always this its always the stupid fear#i think its also more on the fact that i get terrified because i feel someone will see what i post on there???#idk i just#i wanna be a part of it because it seems so fun and the community just seems so nice??#i just have so many issues with socialising i am so socially awkward idk what to say without being weird???#this always happens! aaaaaaaaa#i mean i know i have to like nothing will happen if i dont try to be open but i still get so scared#im not even gonna talk about what the fandom is for personal reasons but its literally the thing thats keeping me sane lol#its just??? i wanna talk about my silly ocs too but i cannot out of FEAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i was so like “im gonna be more active and engaging on twitter!” and then i DONT out of fear!#man. wish i was like normal and not socially anxious all the time oh well#i guess tumblr is easier to talk about this sort of thing than twitter anyway??#but ppl who are on tumblr in this fandom hate this one character i absolutely adore so </3#idk what to do le sigh#its fine things will always turn out better#maybe its because i wanna draw and i wanna be good at it too? idk#im fine i think sort of. i dont know. i wish i just was so scared about this sort of thing#no one is like being mean to me about it so idk why im scared#maybe i just never been nicely welcomed into fandom spaces :\#idk#haha sorry#i just needed to vent in the tags i guess#kaden txts#<- yeah. fine. i dont care.
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How do you fucking. Share art without feeling like it's the end of everything good in your life forever.
#I guess. okay. like. no nothing can ever be perfect. but I don't know exactly what the threshold for 'too many mistakes' is for the average#person. at what point does art shift from 'good' to 'not good.' just HOW imperfect can I get away with being?#yeah yeah there are no answers to this you can't quantify artistic expression I KNOW.#but there IS a limit somewhere. and I keep trying to find a REASONABLE place to imagine where that limit might be.#like maybe something needs to be. idk. 60% as 'good' as it could be for it to register to most people who aren't annoyingly pedantic#as Art Worth Keeping Around. but maybe it actually has to be 90% as 'good' as it could be to reach that. I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW.#and I can base things off my OWN perceptions but how I view the world is VASTLY different than other people it seems. at least based on#the things I hear people say. so it's just...I need to create and I need to SHARE in the act of creating to stay sane but if I do it BAD#and people TELL me it's bad and people judge me and hate me and act horribly toward me BECAUSE it's bad then well that doesn't#actually do much to keep me sane now does it.#I'm trying SO hard. but I just...hate everything I do. and I don't know how to not do that. I don't know how to evaluate myself with#any degree of accuracy. and then that means it's 3 am and I can't sleep and I want to destroy something.#mc13's complicated relationship with art
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I'm feeling so many conflicfing emotions rn
#i think i am trying to do too many things at once and maybe thats what keeping me sane but i. want to lock myself in. lie down. and not come#out until february as well
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Playing my bass for the first time in months. Is this what being a human person feels like
#I’ve lost so much of myself that makes me unique. That makes me someone who can be something to this world. I’ve felt no motivation to do#Things that I know make me happy. I practically begged myself to do this today. I don’t want to forget how to play when it’s something that#People really admire about me. My PE teacher used to say I was the best bassist in the school and that I was up there in terms of skill wit#My bass teacher (who he described as a ‘bass goddess’ lol) and it meant so much to me that I was seen in that way. As someone skilled and#Indisposable. People knew me for my performances and it was nice because people generally forgot I existed and didn’t even care enough to#Hate me. Things like this keep me sane. They remind me that even though I’m not seen as who I am by the outside world that doesn’t mean I#Have to lose that person internally. I can still be myself and I *should* still be myself.#That’s my I’m using my disc Walkman and collecting cds again. It’s why I’m gonna start going to the library again and being a preachy vegan#And buying my snacks and shampoo at the refill shop and spending my wages on lush if that makes me happy!!! I’m gonna try and finish all my#Supernatural dvds and the PlayStation 2 game I bought like 2 years ago and I’m just gonna try and be me as much as I can. Im sick of just#Waiting around consuming three pieces of digital media at a time checking all my socials every 3 seconds to see if anyone has remembered me#Or said hi or shit like that while trying to be as unconscious as possible while still being awake I’m going to live !!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna#Try and keep being the person that people admire in me. I deserve that and so do the people that see that good in me.
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Glocking Out
Friday night should mean a cozy night in with a TV show and a bowl of ice cream. But instead, here I am, working late in the office, trying to finish a project to deliver to my boss by Monday morning. There’s no one else in the office, and when I finally finish up nearing midnight, the entire corporate building is empty, lights long dimmed.
I drag myself out of the building, ready to get home and collapse into bed to sleep for the entire weekend. The click of my heels is the only sound that rings through the night as I exit the elevator into the parking garage and let out a tired sigh into the quiet air.
I click my car fob and open my trunk as I approach the car, tossing my purse into the back and digging around to look for a pair of slippers to change into. I’m absolutely too tired to make the drive home in heels and the idea of fuzzy slippers around my feet is the only thing keeping me sane right now.
While I’m still bent over, buried head-first in my trunk, I suddenly feel a presence behind me. Before I can react, I feel the cold, hard press of metal against my back and the ominous click of a gun’s safety coming off. I freeze in terror and my throat pushes out a pathetic whimper of fear.
I hear a deep laugh echo around me and a man’s voice, “Stay still, princess. I’d hate to paint the inside of your trunk with your blood.” A big, warm hand presses against my spine, pushing me even further into the trunk while the gun digs uncomfortably against me.
I let out a choked gasp, “What do you want? Take my purse! I have cash, take whatever you want, please don’t hurt me!” My voice is shaky and I can feel tremors of fear wrack my body.
He laughs again. “Oh, princess, I don’t want money. But I will be taking whatever I want from you,” he purrs, the innuendo clear in his voice. His hand leaves my back to run down my body and he grips my ass hard before landing a harsh spank against me. I whine out a plea, “No! Please! Please, just let me go!���
“No can do, princess. A pretty little thing like you, all alone, in the middle of the night with no one around. It’s like you’re beckoning to me,” he growls as his hand continues to knead my ass over the skirt I’m wearing. Tears are in my eyes now as I stare blankly into my trunk, my face pressed against the rough car trunk mat.
Moments later, he threads a hand through my hair and grips me hard, pulling me out of the trunk and onto my feet. He spins me around and for the first time, I get a good look at him.
He’s huge, in both size and height, his massive frame towering over me. Even without the gun, he could probably break me easily, and that thought sends more fear slithering down my spine. His eyes are filled with a sadistic gleam that makes me want to curl up and hide. A harsh yank from his hand in my hair makes me cry out in pain and he leads me to the passenger side of the car.
“Get in the car and don’t do anything stupid. I’d hate to have to kill you before we have any real fun,” he says menacingly. I slide into the car on shaky legs and he slams the door shut. He makes his way to the driver side and without another word, he peels out of the parking garage.
A little while later, he pulls the car off the main road onto a tiny trail that I’d never even noticed before. Several minutes of random turns and paths in the pitch black forest that I would never be able to remember or identify bring us to a tiny little cabin. It would be quaint if it weren’t inhabited by the psychopath holding me at gunpoint.
He drags me out of the car, the gun never leaving my side and we step into the cabin. He herds me into the bedroom and the door clicks shut behind us. The room is awash in a soft yellow light and decorated in soft fall tones that, in any other circumstance, would be incredibly romantic.
He smiles with a sparkle in his terrifyingly sadistic eyes and a shiver runs down my spine. “Strip for me,” he says as he steps back to sit at the edge of the bed, gun still leveled at me.
I shake my head desperately, “No, please! Please, anything but that, please!”
He laughs at me, “Come on, pretty princess, I’m not a patient man. Either you strip for me or it gets ugly.”
Tears well up in my eyes and I blink them back. I glance towards the door, I’m closer to it than he is, maybe if I can surprise him, I can get out of the room before he gets a chance to stop me.
He sees my line of thinking and chuckles again. “You might outrun me but you can’t outrun a bullet, princess.”
His words land like a punch to my stomach and I look back at him with defeat. My shaky hands move to the buttons of my blouse as I comply with his initial request. He smiles.
I pull off my top and slide it off my shoulders before going to unzip my skirt and stand before him in my bra, panties, and stockings.
“Bra off, leave the rest on,” he says, his voice deep with desire. “Come here,” he commands, gesturing towards the floor between his legs with the gun.
I unclasp the bra and let it drop to the floor, where I fix my gaze. I pad towards him and stand in front of him for a moment before I lower myself down to my knees, my form fitting into his spread legs.
“Fuck, you look so good like this, princess. Such a good girl,” his deep voice sends shivers down my spine. I keep my gaze on the floor, not wanting to make eye contact with him. He doesn’t like that.
I feel the cold metal of the gun slide beneath my chin and I gasp as he raises my head with his gun. My wide eyes meet his and I see the satisfaction in his gaze as it locks onto mine. He leaves the gun against me as he jerks his chin downwards. “Take my cock out, princess.”
I glance down and see the outline of his hardness pressing against his pants. He looks huge. He sucks his teeth at me, “Come on, don’t keep me waiting now.”
My fingers shake as I undo his belt and the fastening on his pants before I reach in and pull his hard cock out. I let out a quiet whine when I see it. He is huge, tip already leaking precum and an angry shade of red that looks so mean. I shouldn’t be turned on by my attacker’s cock but I absentmindedly lick my lips and I catch the leer on his face that makes my thighs clench.
“You know what to do, princess,” he purrs, tangling his free hand into my hair. I give in and lean down to run my tongue gently along the vein that runs through his cock. He tastes divine, the clean smell of his skin combined with the warmth and weight of his cock in my mouth making my brain go fuzzy. I hear him groan above me, “That’s it, suck my cock, princess.”
I give him a few more kitten licks before I wrap my lips fully around the crown of his cock and suck. “Fuck,” his groan is guttural and his grip tightens on my hair. I moan softly around his cock and I feel him twitch in my mouth. I breathe in through my nose as I swallow more of his cock down my throat.
“Fuck, that’s it, good girl. Take my cock down your throat,” he groans and his fingers dig harshly into my scalp. I slowly work my way back up his cock and set a smooth rhythm, bobbing my head up and down and wrapping my hand around what doesn’t fit into my mouth. There’s a pleasant haze that surrounds me right now, his cock in my mouth and his fingers in my hair. I squirm a little on my knees, my pussy clenching as warmth settles into my core.
Suddenly, he yanks me off his cock without warning. I gasp and look up at him. “I want you to ride me,” he says, smirking at me and gesturing toward the bed with his gun. The gun that I’d almost forgotten about. Seeing it now sends another shock of fear through my body, pushing away some of the arousal from earlier.
He lays back onto the bed, sprawled out like a king, hard cock jutting out from between his legs. I absentmindedly clench my thighs together and I know he noticed because he laughs. “Come on, princess. I know you want to.”
I stand and slide my panties off before slipping onto the bed, slinging a leg over him to get situated. He stays still, watching me with a predatory look in his eye, gun now retrained on me. “That’s it, princess,” he purrs as I settle myself over him.
“Is your pretty pussy wet for me?” He asks. I want to lie and say no but it’s no use, I’m so wet I’m dripping all over him. I whimper and nod and he laughs again. “Better put that pussy to use then, come on, ride me, princess.”
I brace my hands against his chest and lower myself onto his cock. The delicious stretch of him filling me makes me whine and I dig my fingers into his chest. He moans at the feeling of my wet heat surrounding him and his hips come up to meet mine, forcing the last bit of his cock into me.
He feels so fucking good inside of me and every single cell of my body wants more. I let out a low moan as my hips start to move, every single movement making his cock rub up against my g-spot. “That’s it, ride my cock, princess.”
I let out a broken moan as my hips keep up their movements. My back arches and I let my eyes flutter closed as I lose myself in the sensations. Suddenly, I feel cold, hard metal brush against my clit and my eyes fly open with a cry.
I look down and my blood freezes when I see him, running the tip of the gun against my clit. He grins up at him, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. “Don’t stop now, princess. You’re doing so well, I’m gonna help you and play with this little clitty.”
I whimper as he pushes the gun harder against my sensitive, swollen nub, the friction making delicious shivers run up and down my spine.
“Come on, princess. You’re going to cum all over my cock while I rub your clit with my gun,” he says, each pass of the gun over my clit pushing me closer and closer to an orgasm.
The fear and pleasure mix into a dark combination that forces my body higher and higher. I can feel the cold metal of the gun warming against the burning heat of my cunt and every nerve in my body seems to be coiled tight as a spring. My hips are jerkily moving on top of him as I chase my own release.
Suddenly, he moves underneath me and slams him cock deeper into me while holding me down. I shatter with a wail as my pussy clenches around him. I hear his curse as his release quickly follows, his hips never stopping their relentless assault on me and the gun never moving off my clit as he fucks me through my orgasm.
Eventually, he pulls the gun away and I collapse down onto his chest, boneless and limp. I feel his fingers thread through my hair gently and his arm comes up to wrap around my body, keeping me pressed against his chest.
“Such a good girl for me,” he murmurs into my hair as he presses soft kisses into the crown of my head. I make a soft noise back at him and I hear him laugh softly and affectionately.
I stay in his arms a little longer before I raise my head to look at him. “Thank you, honey,” I say before pressing a sweet kiss onto his chest.
He hugs me tighter, “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I will say, you were in the office for so long, I was soooo bored waiting for you.”
I giggle at him, “If I’d known you were waiting, I would’ve finished faster.” He huffs and rolls his eyes, “Well I think I did a pretty good job helping you “glock” out.” He waggles his eyebrows at me and I choke out a laugh.
“Shut up and sleep.”
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pls appreciate the title because i thought of it and just had to write something to fit it teehee
#nsft concept#overstim kink#dark fantasy#cnc overstim#cl1t torture#cnc k!nk#rap3 fantasy#gun k!nk#gun k1nk#gun kink#tw rap3#rap3fetish#rapekink
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