#i am super late to the game for adhd reasons

[hollyevolving]

Early in the original run of Vox Machina on Geek & Sundry, a fan sent a small flute as a gift to Sam. He wasn't at the table - maybe he was late and they were opening gifts early - when it arrived.

So Taliesin picked it up and absentmindedly played a little, and we learned that he can actually play the flute quite nicely.

Then Sam showed up, and was thrilled with the gift, and started playing with it - and we learned that he really can't play it.

I'm up to episode 20 now, and he still really can't play, at least on screen. I don't know if he refused to learn or if he's doing it badly on purpose.

I don't know if anyone ever told him that Taliesin can play.

I guess I'll find out eventually.

[sunthyme]

Ah... welcome to another instalment of my headcanons. I lowkey lied again but I think my prefect will be the last of the headcanons to come out. Tyty for all the love, as always, and now...

🪶The NRC Staff🪶

Trying to find characters I hadn't already twisted for my student ocs to make my staff ones was such a pain 😭😭😭 but here they are!!

🐦‍⬛Dire Crowley🐦‍⬛

(he/it) - Bisexual

The most USELESS HEADMASTER EVER!!! God, I know his SSR card looks great but I won't pull for it istg this bitch. We could have had Sam or Crewel but nooooo...

- I wanted him to look a bit older but since we don't know his age, I didn't push it too much. No spoilers for book 7 but I assume he's probably fae or smth idk.

- You'll notice I honestly didn't change much about the staff in general but I do like most of their design already. Kept his sclera dark cause it looked cool and made the gold eyes pop.

- He talks in a weird mix of old language that literally no one uses, like hella old-fashioned, and poorly used teen lingo. He's trying... A for effort, ig.

- His house and office are super cluttered with a ton of stuff he's found throughout the years but knows exactly where things are. His memory's actually incredibly good, he's just lazy. He likes to collect teaspoons.

- Later in the story, when he starts kinda view the prefect as his kid of sorts, it starts dropping off little trinkets at Ramshackle. Various things from old photos to books with old annotations to pretty rocks. He just wants the prefect to make the dorm 'more homey'.

- I'll get into this more with my prefect design but when Crowley attended NRC (in my headcanon idk if he actually did), he was a Ramshackle student. As such, my MC is using his old uniform as he didn't have any extra ones.

- He really likes cats but they just fcuking hate him. Lucius hisses everything he see Crowley. This is why he cries himself to sleep.

Enough of my dead-beat dad, onto the good dad!

🐕Divus Crewel🐕

(he/they) Transmasc - Panasexual

The good father-figure!! I love Crewel. Also, ignore me misspelling his name in the big one, I thought it had two 'l's...

- He is my Mexican father. Idk they give like simultaneously abuelita and Mexican mom vibes and I am so here for it. (Apparently also Jewish grandma vibes according to @thearchiveofalexandria but I wouldn't know lol).

- I also think he'd be older, like late 40s/early 50s but because of those anti-ageing Mexican genes, they look like 30. (Literally, my mom gets mistaken for being that young, she's in her 50s) Gave him some gray hair at the back but don't be fooled, that's just from putting up with Crowley's bullshit. The shit that goes down in-game for sure results in a couple grey hairs for poor Crewel.

- Is the father figure I never knew I needed, well, my prefect anyway. I know my MC would go to him for anything ranging from 'Crowley's threatening to cut off my water supply!' to 'Can you help me make a Halloween costume?' and his ass always helps. Stan Papa Crewel.

Oh god, this next one was HELL ON EARTH I hate drawing masculine men...

🏈Ashton Vargas🏈

(he/him) - Heterosexual

God, I hate Vargas' og design. The worst part is it does it's job, I couldn't find much to change. Also, didn't even know he had a first name lmaooo.

- I gave him more of a beard because it looked so fcuking bad without it ong 😭😭😭 I hated this... that's pretty much all I did.

- That being said, I do think Vargas wants the best for his students. Wait. Dad-bod Vargas. Guys, I just had an epiphany.

- He's got a wife, kids in like elementary school, and like two dogs idk. I feel like he's older thirties. He's giving total family man and likes to cheer on his students like they're his kids too.

- I feel like he's got mad ADHD and it's one of the reasons he became a gym teacher, just to be constantly moving and doing stuff.

My opinion of Vargas has increased while writing this. Onto my funky uncle...

🏷️Sam Cecil🏷️

(he/they/it) Genderqueer - Asexual Aromantic

I LOVE SAM!!📢📢

- They're like mid-twenties, I don't know if they went to college but if they did, they were a business major. I gave him a last name too, idk the fact that he didn't have one made me mad. Cecil cause Dr. Facilier had a daughter named Cecilia apparently.

- I tossed in a couple more piercings and I love the idea that he has tattoos too.

- He's like the fun uncle that occasionally sponsor your weird ideas. Wanna make cookies at 3am? His store's still open. Need some Nerf guns? He's got 'em. If he says it's in stock, he will literally have anything. Don't ask, he won't answer you anyway.

- Also has crazy good like and low-key knows the future but typically drops hints in a joking manner. He's also very good at communing with the dead, sales for sessions are discounted in October.

- Incredibly rich. Probably canon given his store branches and the crazy shit he has in his shop but I felt the need to reaffirm it.

- Also supplies Ramshackle with snacks and groceries. My MC works at its shop part time in return but I firmly believe that it'd refuse to let the MC starve.

Now for the gramps,

📚Mozus Trein📚

(he/him) Transmasc - Heterosexual

- Trans old man, idk. He is to me. Also, he's both the history and literature teacher.

- Also changed pretty much nothing lol, he's just an old trans man whose sick of Crowley's bullshit (you'll notice a running theme).

- All the grandpa memes and stereotypes are so true for him. His drinks tea every afternoon, plays chess with Crewel (that's canon btw), and squints whenever you try to show him something, especially on a phone.

- He uses a flip phone mobile-y but his house has a rotary one. His daughters keep telling him to replace it but he refuses, saying modern one are too complicated. His daughters also went to Royal Blade as he originally worked there before recently transferring to NRC.

- Hates pumpkin-flavoured anything so doesn't care much for fall. Winter is his favourite season though as he loves sitting with Lucius by the window on snowy days and reading. Very academiacore, gramps.

- He totally advocated for NRC to allow students to use preferred names.

Onto the ocs!!

🪐Mèng yáo Yuan🪐

(she/they/it) Agender - Biromantic Demisexual

- First up is Mèng yáo, twisted from the Horned King from The Black Cauldron. Never seen it personally but @thearchiveofalexandria has and recommended I use its villain.

- She's Chinese and a fae of sorts so she's likely quite old, though she looks in her twenties.

- She's the astrology and philosophy teacher because I thought it would make for a good course since it's mentioned in passing in Book 4.

- She's also skilled in potionology and she and Crewel test out potions for Crewel to teach in class. She is intrigued by the concept of immortality but it's more of a passive study for her.

- She's really bad at getting jokes, though she tries. She's generally not too familiar with modern human concepts but does her best to learn.

Finally,

💎Kore Gorgon💎

(she/her) - Sapphic

- Kore is based on Madame Medusa from The Rescuers, which, fair warning, I ALSO haven't seen. I really needed villains though lol. I read the wiki page and prayed tbh.

- She's around her mid-fifties and is the Math and Physics teacher. She works to integrate known magical physics with standard math and physics and teaches such.

- Her wife is named Crystal (based on an inspo character for Madame Medusa) and they're Kyra's adoptive parents. This is a small nod to Madame Medusa having two pet crocodiles. Kyra kept her parent's names as a sort of way to remember them but likes her adoptive moms a lot too.

- Kore's name is a reference to another name for Persephone and is associated with not only 'the maiden' with the underworld as well.

- She loves shiny things and adores being dressed to the nines all the time. She has a small collect of pretty rocks and tends to decorate her classroom with various trinkets.

- She and Crewel get along super well as their personalities are rather similar. (Fun fact: Madame Medusa not only was heavily inspired by Cruella De Vil, but also served as an origin for Ursula's design.)

- She has bipolar disorder and does her best to work around it, sometimes having pre-recorded lectures if she's not able to be in person.

I'll be sharing my designs for some side and family characters tomorrow so stay tuned! Love y'all!🩷🩷🩷

[drones-of-innocence]

👓🐬?

From this ask game:

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

This is a difficult question for me to answer because I have no methods 🥸 I'll try any kind of gimmick I find to focus better, but ultimately my mildly ADHD ass will distract myself no matter what even if I'm doing something I enjoy. I have to be in the correct mood to write, and being in the correct mood usually involves immersing myself in music (solid but doesn't always work), staying up very late (unhealthy to do repeatedly), or the once-in-a-blue-moon type of moment where my muse possesses me and I manage to write unhindered by anything. The only time I can reliably write is when I am facing a pressing deadline for something very important that I am procrastinating on 😅

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Any character that I have no deep or sincere interest in is very difficult for me to write. Also, any character that is a lot smarter than me. A specific example of the first point is Bowser; he's cool, and I've finally managed to include him in an effective way in my most recent fic, but he's largely absent from everything else that I write except in passing mention. I don't choose my brain's selection of blorbos, so I just simply don't find Bowser (or even villain archetypes in general) very compelling except in a few circumstances. Bowser is necessary to Mario's story though, so that's why I've buckled down to characterize him recently. As for a second example of a character I think is smarter than me, probably Pauline. I really want to explore her actually (and I have an idea for a Rosalina/Pauline fic) but I am a little intimidated by how intelligent I perceive her to be.

(For some reason this doesn't apply to Rosalina, who I portray as super wise. I think it's because I can write wisdom in terms of big picture patterns which is what matters to her, if that makes sense. But Pauline comes across to me as someone who really gets into the weeds and specifics of everything which is what I have always struggled with.)

Thank you so much for the ask!

[dionysus-is-my-dude]

I AM Baby...

finally found out the reason I STILL don't feel like an adult despite being almost 30. And I don't mean in an "I hate money, I hate working, I just wanna go back to kindergarten" feeling. I mean, "I don't understand adult life, I can only handle family movies that I get super excited about, when I was five and six I was still playing with baby toys and watching Baby Einstein, I make a lot of mistakes at work, I often talk in a kid voice when I'm excited, I collect things from my childhood, I dance when I eat food, I like to do silly things to make other people laugh, etc" Like, I am SO behind my peers that I feel like an alien.

Dudes, it's my ADHD. I researched and found out that my prefrontal lobe is underdeveloped and that's what causes my ADHD, and that means that my emotional maturation develops much slower than normal people. Physically, I'm 28, but mentally, I AM still a kid. It's why I struggle at working adult jobs, why I get along better with kids, why I can't handle money, why I don't think about car maintenance and cleaning my bathroom, why I'll take any chance to play on a playground or play games with kids, why I like toys and shows made for kids (or even babies), and a bunch of other things.

I'm mentally NOT an adult yet. I've been saying for YEARS that I still feel like a teenager, at the very most, four-or-five on a bad day. Now I finally have an explanation as to WHY. I don't see my therapist until next month, but I gotta make sure I bring this up. We've definitely been talking before about my struggles with understanding money and how much I struggle working a an adult job. I'm not that great at babysitting or being a daycare teacher, though, 'cause I don't wanna come up with things to do and be responsible for kids, I just wanna play and colour WITH them. CANNOT wait to talk to my therapist about all this.

As it is, I did a deep dive on Pinterest into toys and stuff from my childhood in the late 90s/2000s, and I think THAT is the art niche I'm gonna fill. I'm gonna paint things from my childhood and add little captions, like a painting of an old Doodle Bear with the caption "My body is a temple" or something silly like that. I plan to get working on my own online shop and building up my YouTube channel, but not until next year after the holiday season ends and I get more time off from work. Y'all know I'm also gonna make devotional art for the theoi, so I'll let y'all know about that stuff, too!

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

A possible late diagnosis for ADHD and/or autism thing I’ve experienced that might apply to some others (as usual I’m sure someone has talked about this somewhere and I’m not an expert, just an autistic and adhd person sharing experiences but here are the thoughts anyway):

Meltdowns weren’t something I really identified with. Maybe having (frustratingly) little to no emotions and outward reactions. But meltdowns? Not so much. So it was one of those “am I actually autistic?” things for me. (Not that you have to have them to be autistic. It’s just that, in my mind, other people are allowed and not me.)

Except now I think I do have them, they just look different. (And I think I did sometimes have them at a super young age but learned to bottle them up).

When things, especially social things, go badly in certain ways and especially if there’s some sort of sensory ick present, I get prolonged “can’t sleep and no amount of meditation, breathing exercises, or meds helps and this is crippling my ability to be functional despite being able to outwardly look functional” anxiety. Then I spiral because what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just handle this like a “normal” person and move on in a reasonable amount of time?

Because it’s a repressed meltdown. It’s knowing that I should not explode in some way at any time and have internalized it so much that I actually can’t explode even if I want to so it’s just going to fester as anxiety and insomnia and RSD and unbreakable rumination while I outwardly just keep going until I burn out.

And in this already prolonged burn out it looks like not being able to even appear outwardly functional anymore. It’s crash in front of a video game because I can’t actually sleep or rest with the anxiety/thoughts and I’m fully incapable of doing anything else because of exhaustion to the point where it might even be dangerous for me to try to do certain things.

Anyway… just thought I’d share in case anyone else might think they’re not having meltdowns but it’s actually just that they look different for you.

[dekuinthelake]

ever think about coming back to rp?

So I've been Rping off and on in World of Warcraft and FF14 recently. Nothing as crazy consistent as it used to be, but I am slowly dipping my toes back in.

To be honest, it's pretty difficult for me to get into in the way I used to for a variety of reasons which I will now detail because it's 2am on a work night and I've been cursed with no sleep.

The first reason is pretty predictable: Logistics. I work a lot more than I used to and have a job that has a pretty demanding on call schedule when it's my turn to take it. I live in a timezone that's also always too late or too early for most events, especially since I work Saturdays.

Reason two is also pretty "Yeah that sounds like him." I have -really- bad ADHD, and I find it really difficult to do forum or discord RP. I like writing in longer sessions because it helps me 'get into character' and keeps my focus since I'm constantly engaged. I like... Don't like to use my phone a lot for fun at work either. So it just means I forget threads exist or completely lose interest because things are going too slow. A lot of my RP partners have taken it personally which I feel bad about. But it's never that I don't want to it's just... I like having dictated time and the bonus of having an in game model to pose like a doll is honestly very helpful for retaining my focus.

And the final reason I'm struggling to get back into it is a bit more arcane.

I've had a lot of really fun and good rp experiences, but also a lot of not so great ones. And I guess I'm just super world wary of groups these days. I don't feel... Welcome or like I fit in almost every group I join. Part of that is for sure a personal problem, but I think I've just come to terms I'm sort of an acquired taste type personality. Sometimes ya boy can't help but be extremely opinionated even if the room clearly won't vibe. It's something I'm working on so I'm less abrasive to others. But it's still difficult. Checking myself is only one of many variables. I'm afraid of being hurt or disappointed when a story I spent months on falls apart because the participants lose interest.

So I still have all these grand ideas and full ass character bibles for cunts I don't even draw/rp no more. I'm just too chicken shit to put myself out there.

Recently I found a cool guild in wow for now. Hopefully it stats chill. It's low key for the most part. However, can't lie... I wanna dm them rp events again. Idk how the fuck I just logged in and did that shit.

In short, Anon, I'm trying but I'm weak.

I'll always love rp and do it off and on. I do wish I had the enthusiasm for it like I used to 😔

[companionwolf]

So. Central.

[inhales]

I'll start off with a few answers to questions a pal in a server asked when I went PLEASE PLEASE ASK ME lol.

Fave color-- green.

Fave childhood item-- action figures; he also likes retro (80s) game consoles.

Fave food-- very classic Americana, so pizza, subs, steak, etc. Homemade is better.

Dogs or cats?- I associate him both with cats (namely black cats) and huskies, but I think he would be a dog person.

Okay, now here's the contents of my 'things I know about F/O!Central' doc. You should feel special; no one's seen this except maybe you (I don't remember) and one another friend. Used a OC emoji ask games questions for these.

Under the cut because wow long!

things I associate with my selfship: the colors dark green, XCOM blue and black, stars, cats, mallard ducks, otters, swords, oranges, acoustic guitar, the concepts of Halloween, camping, cooking, and crochet, the ocean, foxes, flannels, sweaters, map-making, weapons, coffee, action figures, 80s/90s/early 2000s stuff

- does crochet; he's actually better at it than I am 

- very loyal; sarcastic and stoic; secretly enjoys soft comfy things (feels like he has to hide it + his more vulnerable side because of being a guy?)

- he swears but not super often and I don't think he says fuck unless it's like REALLY bad (or uh. Really Good. 😏) 

- not superstitious (canon?)

- 'ghosts aren't real Commander'

- doesn't like gambling

- uses fidget stuff for more like. PTSD and dissociative stuff than ADHD/autism but the point is he uses them 

-- likes retro (80s, 90s) stuff; as a kid enjoyed early Nintendo titles

-- leery of furbies (sorry furbies this mental image is too funny)

-- pokemon team (chosen from mons he'd know about) Riolu (Lucario), Turtwig (Torterra), Cubone (Marowak), Absol, Axew (Haxorus), and Eevee (Sylveon); sylveon is shiny

⏳ HOURGLASS - are they usually late or on-time?

Punctual if he can help it.

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

He doesn't trust that easily, but once he does, he'd rather die than turn his back on them. He's been backstabbed before, in the days after base fall. If given a ultimatum, say death or betrayal, he'd die. 

📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.

He likes interior design and building things. 

📦 PACKAGE - what are some “most likely to…” that can apply to them?

'Mostly likely to forgo medical attention.'

'Mostly likely to shield someone else with his body.'

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

Please see a therapist. Also love me but that's a request not advice.

⚙️ GEAR - what are your ocs thoughts on science & art? which do they give more importance to? how much value do they place on each?

Central doesn't really get science - he's more of a brawny type, but he respects it. He doesn't get art that much either, but he likes to see what others make. 

🔧 WRENCH - are they good at fixing relationships? or do they tend to avoid doing so?

He's fairly good at repairing relationships that are non-personal. With personal relationships, he flounders a bit but tries his best. 

❇️ SPARKLE - what is their most prized possession? what do they value?

Values practical things the most, like supplies, weapons, clothes, medical stuff, food, but is also pretty soft when it comes to personalized gifts. As for prized possession, it's the kandi bracelet the Commander gave him.

📏 RULER - is your oc well educated? where did they get their learning from?

Fairly well educated. I don't know yet because it hasn't been revealed to me (ie I haven't picked something that Feels correct).

🚲 BICYCLE - can they ride a bike? what do they remember from learning to ride a bicycle?

He can ride a bike. 

🌩️ LIGHTNING - are they scared of lightning?

No.

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon?

He wears long sleeves to cover self harm scars. It's one other reason he misses the sweater. 

❄️ SNOWFLAKE - do people consider them cold? if so, what made them this way?

Yes; trauma based. 

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

The alcohol addiction is self destructive; he also self isolates. He also can be just kinda irritable and a bit a of a dick to others. He's working on it.

���️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon

He crochets and buys plushies for the Commander.

🌟 GLOWING STAR - what do they think about when they look at the night sky? is there someone they want to star gaze with?

It used to excite him, but now he looks at the stars with disdain. He thinks about what ifs. Stargazing seems romantic, though-- he'd do that, if his partner wanted. He'd even enjoy it.

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

That XCOM had won the initial war.

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

That he's cold, unfeeling, mean. He IS cold, but it's an outside persona. He feels, he just doesn't express it much. 

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

Physical touch (man's touch starved).

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

Loyalty, mostly. And no.

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they’re in love?

...Honestly? Yeah it kinda is * stares at canon with my ship goggles on *; he gets softer for them, wayyyy devoted.

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

To others: Affirmation and gift giving. 

For himself (receiving): Acts of service and physical touch.

💙 BLUE HEART - do they miss their s/o easily? how do they act when their s/o isn’t around?

Because it's the Commander, he gets a little weird if they're apart for too long. He doesn't want to lose them again. He's often colder and standoff-ish even more when he doesn't know his partner is around. This slowly improves though.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

Food; he likes cooking, especially homemade. Gifts, especially handmade. Parallel play. 

💖 SPARKLING HEART - are they a subtle or a showy lover?

Subtle. 

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

He thinks love letters are way too vulnerable and mushy but at the Commander's request leaves little sticky notes around with encouragement.

[pikolswonderland]

are u still working on GoBB as above so below? I saw your posts a few days ago, and thought they were really interesting! But noticed you haven’t done anything with it for a while.

Heya, sorry I'm late to responding to this. I feel like I should really go in more detail with this right now because I know everyone here who was following me for AASB and GoBB in general are confused as to where I have been.

CW// Bit of a vent

Yeah, I am indeed still working on As Above So Below, I’m just taking a break from GoBB for right now. I haven’t been super motivated to work on AASB for a bit now since there hasn’t been a lot of updates on Chapter 8 as of right now and I've been hyperfixated on other stuff. I feel like the Euphoric Brothers are also taking GoBB a bit more slowly as well, as the release days for the games have been getting father and father apart from each other as the games have been getting bigger.

I've been pretty burnt out on AASB and GoBB in general as of late, and I've been more hyperfixated on TMNT and Pokémon. As stated in that post I've been really struggling on making my redesigns for the characters in AASB, committing to a design is always really difficult for me in my experience in character design (ESPECIALLY with more complex designs like my redesigns for AASB). I have, however, come up with an idea for my designs that I think would really elevate them that I haven't really seen in other GoBB redesigns. Another thing with AASB that I am struggling to finish is the story, since GoBB is still currently an ongoing story, there are plenty of changes I am going to be adding as time goes on (I DO have a rough outline of events, characters, and the beginning and ending). Overall, the main reason I haven't been working on AASB is because of creative block and my stupid ADHD brain.

I often feel self-conscious about things like this, procrastinating on things and feeling like I'm betraying everyone by not doing anything, especially when i comes to updating with new content for something I know people are interested in. I get I don't have to owe anyone here on this hellsite anything, this is my creative project I'm doing for my own enjoyment. I forget that sometimes, and I'm trying my hardest to not.

However, I am currently working on another long explanation post similar to my one on the plot and the one on GV. I won't be revealing what this lore post is about just yet, so I hope you'll be looking forward to it once it comes out!

So, yeah. AASB is far from over, it's just on a bit of an undetermined hiatus for now. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with AASB so far now, I appreciate all of you! You can also keep sending in asks about AASB, I'll get to them eventually. I just hope everyone here can still be a little patient.

[amazingmrbrock]

I've been writing a story for a game for a few years now. Actually its mostly just been world building and story concepts that withered on the vine. Lately though I'm pushing hard with an actual story in the world I've been creating for all this time. I've recently started trying to actually build it into a game instead of just a bunch of txt files in a carefully curated set of folders. The latest part is the hardest though. Its hard to think about the whole thing because every time I think about how much writing I've been doing. Every single time I look at the work I've been doing and the lore and dialogue and character details I've created I think to myself.

"Look at all this stuff I've written, I love it!" but in the quest corners of my mind ~Is it really writing if its not published? Is a story a story if nobody sees it?~

This thought may be extra powerful for me because of my long running inability to finish projects. My backstory is littered with creative ventures that I lost steam on midway through. Who am I to say that this project will be any different.

In a realistic sense I have spent more time towards it over a longer period than any other project I've started. I've also managed to keep the majority of my projects focused around the idea of making video games. My real driving passion. I may not have finished any for a variety of reasons I consider valid. Why finish something that I don't like? Or why spend the time fixing something I'm not super invested in when I could just move on. And so I dropped numerous simple boring games mid project.

As I went through learning to program I more and more was chasing simple to develop games. I personally don't have much interest in an asteroids clone or a simple platformer thats light on story. So I moved on with my life, I needed to reappraise my personal creative goals.

Eventually I realized or decided or remembered that I loved writing and the thing that I always really wanted to explore with video games was the potential of strong writing. I want to make narrative focused games that are designed entirely writing first. None of this coming up with cool game mechanics and wrapping a story around it. I want the story to influence the gameplay.

And so with that decided I started what eventually became the project I am working on now. As I've worked on it my passion for writing has been rekindled. It was something I spent a lot of time on as a teenager but as I moved into adult hood I dropped it. To some degree it was intentional based on an idea that I couldn't write anything good until I had life experience to back it up with. And then I forgot for nearly two decades.

But now its back, I remember how much I love putting words together. I used to write so much. Blogs, poetry, songs, stories, rants, "articles", little advice columns. Just so much random writing and I completely forgot about it for years.

So anyway I don't know why I just made this big wall of text. I wanted to write a blog post and complain about imposter syndrome and document my rediscovery of (my love for) writing.

I don't know when I'll finish the game I'm working on and finally be able to call myself 'a writer' without the ghost of insecurity crawling up my spine. I'm just going to keep on course with what I'm doing though and hope that life / adhd don't derail my plans for too long.

[gummiix]

ᯓ★ intro ! (updated semi-regularly. ish)

Interests:

Heyya! I’m gummii, this is my main. I’ve been fixated on Sonic the Hedgehog for a few years now, so that’s what you’ll (usually) see most on this blog.

My other interests here include:

Splatoon, Gravity Falls, Spider-Verse, Kirby, My Little Pony (Gen 4), Super Mario, the Legend of Zelda, Animal Crossing, Dungeon Meshi, The Last of Us, Pokémon (mostly just Team Rocket,) and various other random console games.

All of these fandoms can be found in my featured tags. Meanwhile, sideblogs are usually shorter-term hyperfixes.

Side blogs (newest to oldest):

✩ detroit: become human -> @iheartandroids

✩ smiling friends -> @iheartsmilingays

✩ the amazing digital circus -> @iheartdigitalcircuses

✩ nimona (the movie) -> @iheartnimona

✩ rottmnt -> @iheartrise

✩ stim blog gifs, sounds/music, stim boards, web resources, etc -> @stimmii

Stuff to note (BYF section):

~ I curse. Some nsfw jokes might be reblogged as well; you can block these under the “#suggestive” tag.

~ Mass likes/reblogs don’t bother me, don’t worry babes

~ I may randomly spam-like/reblog other blogs though. It’s genuinely never personal, sometimes other people’s blogs are just more interesting than the dashboard lol

~ On my main, I reblog things relating to politics or light discourse, usually just some civil rights stuff. This includes approved Palestine GoFundMe’s. I often don’t tag these categorically.

~ I can talk a LOT in the tags. That said, a lot of times I don’t, but honestly I am Nottt very good at holding myself back whenever the moment strikes. So welcome to my mind if you feel like reading it

~ autism and adhd haver, I might be a lil off-putting. I reblog about struggles sometimes under “#nd things”

~ I use tone indicators for anything that I think might be confusing, but always spelt-out— like “/sarcastic” or “/light hearted”

~ I am very gay. I reblog gay things. Btw

~ My memory is faulty, meaning I may reblog the same thing multiple times without meaning to, or forget to respond to a message/ask. (more on that below . . .)

Moot-to-Moot Communication:

~ l am genderqueer and use they/she/he, in order of preference. (When I say “alternation preferred”, I mean that I would greatly appreciate if you alternate between multiple of these pronouns for me, rather than choose one set forever. thank youu mwa)

~ If we’re mutuals, feel free to strike up a conversation for any random reason!!

~ I might be a lil late to respond, but I promise no matter what I will see your message and be thinking about it. The Dysfunction sure does hit (as well as the anxiety or memory issues. lots of that too)

Drawn demonstration by user cuptoast on twitter:

~ feel free to just message me a lil reminder if I don’t get back to you after a day!! I prolly forgor. Just a little “yo” or whatever you want is great, it helps a lot.

~ However, I usually start conversations with an ask. (It’s a little silly, but it’s easier for me to keep track of and less intimidating that way.) If you’d prefer, you can just respond to it in messages.

~ I’m currently following 4000+ blogs 🥲 This means I never really see moots on the dashboard, which means I don’t really interact except for once in a while, when I might FLOOD your posts with likes + reblogs ,:]

~ In any potentially unclear messages, I would very much appreciate tone indicators (or any other form of clarification 👍) I may just ask for the tone if I’m confused.

~ Just let me know if you want me to tag something for filtering out, like spoilers but also literally anything else.

DNI:

In general, I block freely who I don’t want to interact with. However, here are my stances if it makes anyone more comfortable (or uncomfortable) to know.

- I stand with Palestine for a ceasefire. I reblog about Palestinian news and history often, as well as verified Gofundme pages for families seeking to evacuate.

- That said, I fully support our Jewish friends. anti-Zionism ≠ anti-Semitism.

- I am against proshipping; meaning I am heavily against the fictional fetishization of children, rape, zoophilia, or incest.

𓆝 ⋆｡

° ‧⋆｡˚ 𖦹

✩ ⋆ ˳ ༄

THE END!!!! Thanks for reading!! pow bam blang hearts attack💥💥💕💘💗💗

[100nebulas]

HAI my carrd is outdated and ill remake it ! later

heres a pinned post to fill in in the meantime ik its ugly but whatever. important stuff yknow

About me

Astrid, Ava, Stella

They/She

Sapphic, Arospec

White

18

adhd autism :)

Byf

most of those are just squicks but pls be especially diligent abt the bold ones !! also pls tag long posts see i italicized it that ones just really annoying to me. you can hit those with "Ava Don't Look" thank u

"we live in a simulation" type of unreality

"..." on its own

pregnancy

gothic lit

ok ko

images of the cop pride flag

milk cookie from crob/crk

long posts

dni moment

Obvious DNI criteria (racist, antisemetic, ableist, lgbtphobe, TERFs)

Ace/arophobe, panphobe, biphobe, anti-MOGAI, transmed, truscum, anti he/him they/them lesbians, exclusionists in general

Anti-anti/proshippers, fujoshis, selfcest shippers all of you are freaks

18+ blogs

Uncritical fan of any media you consume

Dsmp fans

fuck nuts frickin is not good. dont interact with me if you participate in it. BUT . i know a few of my long time friends and mutuals do enjoy it CRITICALLY. ppl i am already friends with can stay in regards 2 this but im making my stance on it clear right now

other stuff below the cut so this doesn't get too long

extra which is directly copied from my carrd mostly

On my main, I'm very forgetful when it comes to tagging.

If you have something blacklisted that I forget to tag, feel free to remind me, or if it's recurring, soft block/unfollow. I won't mind! Do what you need to make yourself comfortable.

I don't have any post tagging system. If I make one, I'll add it here.

I've kind of just been unfollowing people lately?? if we were mutuals and i unfollowed for seemingly no reason you can dm me and I'll probably follow back. this is mostly me just tryin to curate my dash 2 my interests i promise its nothing personal adghzjfxfj !!!

If you send me a post with my interests, I will love you forever

friends can ask for my discord

Interests and Hyperfix

specil inch rest

Kingdom Come

Yume Nikki, Yume 2kki, ynfg in general

Ton's Mobile Game Universe

Sonic the Hedgehog

Kirby Series

Pokemon

Pollys Orangebox Rewrite

Classic edgy Creepypastas

Rhythm games

Character design

hyperfixations ive had that are also worth mentioning bc these tend to come back in bursts

Scp foundation, Confinement by Lord Bung

Splatoon

ENA by Joel G

Kirby

Eve MVs, Kara No Kikuo

Deemo

Mystery Skulls Animated

Junji Ito mangas

No Straight Roads

My Stuff

Kingdom Come - high fantasy original universe ive been super invested in worldbuilding on. see content for it on my artblog!

Startown - my oldest original story, revived !! ye olde childhood fiction about a young superhero in space, with a wish to protect the multiverse.

Nightlight - my own yume nikki fangame that i promise i'll work on at some point

[teecupangel]

Anon from last night:

Nah, I was not the anon who asked about a kink with Basim*.

I would send in a fic prompt about top!Desmond and bottom!Ezio but I have no actual ideas atm, it’s just a concept in my brain, but if I think of something I’ll send it.

If I could send a gif to convey how I felt about your smutty!headcanons it would be a gif of the end of the Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf Music video, when Shia give the one person standing ovation. *chefs kiss*. (I forgot to mention that altdes is also my ac otp last night). Everything that you put down I picked it up and was like ‘yes yes good’ and put it in my pocket like a shiny rock.

*ok, so like, to be honest (and adhd over shared mood activated), I haven’t played very many ac games. I’ve only completed ac1, and I played half of ac4 and then watched my brother beat it. I have watched other people play bits and pieces of other games, but I honestly know nothing about the newer games. That being said, I did in fact read your Desmond #destroys Basim fic and it was very very good, #goodsoup (why am I in an old memes mood today oof). I really liked how you did the whole Desmond (clone? Half?) and his Ancestors thing that was really good, and kinky and nice.

Mmm, one more thing before I go! Thanks for letting me know about the whole won’t post an ask if you ask thing, it’s really good to know! (I don’t….. need that for this ask, unless you just don’t feel like answering it🤣🤣🤣🤣).

Take your time with your prompt, nonny :)

Hahahaha, I'm glad you enjoy my headcanons. I had fun writing them.

Yeah, I can understand why some people don't play all the AC games. Honestly, AC wiki is a good site for summary (and TVTropes too).

Since we're sharing our AC games experience (long rant ahead), the first time I played Assassin's Creed was at my best friend's place and she just gave me the controller and told me to whack people with a broom as Ezio while... I think we were waiting for her printer to finish printing our report or something? I don't remember anymore, all I remember was my main idea of Assassin's Creed before was that I can whack guards with a broom that sounds like a freaking hammer. We were in college then and I was a pure 'JRPG' purist back then so I was really confused by what this game was supposed to be. I know it was related to Prince of Persia in some way and the only reason why I know about Prince of Persia back then was because I watched my brother play all the games on the PS2. How times have changed, hahaha. Anyway, it would be a couple of years before I even actually play AC1 and AC2, then half of AC Brotherhood before dropping it, only coming back like maybe 3 years ago to play the entirety of Syndicate and its DLCs because my childhood friend suggested I would love the Victorian-era setting (I did) and I've been buying AC games either 2nd hand or when it goes super cheap in PSN as they've been part of my backlog since my best friend was a huge fan (she stopped playing after AC3 though XD) so I have all of them just gathering (digital) dust. The truth is, I finished AC Brotherhood to Valhalla only like... last year. From September last year to January this year, in fact. While it's never too late to play the other games, I'm not going to tell you to play them if you don't have the time or if there are any games that you want to play more. I do believe that if you can't play a game, watching let's play (with or without commentary) is an okay alternative and sometimes you can let it play while maybe grinding on the game you're currently playing. (just, FYI, all of the AC games except AC1 are available for free if you are subscribed to PS+... I think the 2nd tier at least? Ezio's Trilogy to Valhalla is free in PS+ as far as I know.)

Anyway, back to the Basim fic. Thank you! I really enjoyed writing about Desmond (considering the narration calls the ancestors 'shades', I think it's okay to call him Desmond's shade as well) and his questionable relationship with the other shades.

No problem! And I like answering asks so, yeah, I'm posting this hahahaha

[logically-asexual]

im just so intrigued by the fact that i wasn’t able to understand a single movie or book i watched or read as a kid. i could never keep track of the story or the characters.

ramble got long putting it under a read more

i always felt like when you tap on the first episode of a show on netflix but for some reason it starts playing the first episode of their latest season and you’re super confused about everything because there’s three seasons of lore you’re missing.

i don’t remember the story of a single book we read in school. i remember short scenes here and there that surprised me or made me feel emotional for some reason but that’s it. i never knew the context. i never understood the whole story. i don’t know how i ever passed spanish or english class.

for a while we used to go to the library and they would read to us a chapter of a book each week and i could never pay attention. i just remember zoning out staring at my nails or the table or anything. we read the hobbit that way i think and i always felt like i had missed a class and very important info with it but no. i hadn’t.

silent reading time was also torture. i couldn’t read i also just stared at nothing for twenty minutes and it was excruciating.

and i also cant remember any movies i watched at the cinema. i remember when we got together to watch the hunger games (and i had allegedly read the book) and everyone was talking about what the movie adaptation did or didn’t include and i was so absolutely lost. no idea what anyone was talking about.

the only thing about my childhood i remember understanding and processing alright was tv shows. i perfectly remember nick sitcoms and cartoons. i think it has to do with the fact that i could watch those over and over again before a new season aired, so i got enough time and repetition to seal stuff in my memory.

i don’t know. i think that wasn’t normal probably. then one day some time after eight grade maybe i was just randomly granted the gift Understanding Media. well. mostly movies, i still struggled with reading in high school. i remember i never read things fall apart, but a children version of the book i had for some reason, and i passed somehow. i still don’t know what the book was about.

i remember my piano teacher saying when i was fourteen that i was at an age when i should read so much because teens are so emotional (in a good way) and full of wonder so romantic (as in romanticism, not romance) stories were great for letting all that bloom or whatever. but that only made me feel bad because i felt how time was slipping away from me and i was missing my chance at enjoying a big chunk of literature.

i don’t think i have adhd or some kind of disorder that could cause that level of inattentiveness but who knows. if i did then why can i suddenly understand movies and stuff? did my brain just develop too late in that aspect?

i usually attribute apparent adhd symptoms from my childhood to anxiety and burnout. because it’s way more likely since i’ve always been anxious and the executive dysfunction and lack of memory can easily be explained by anxiety too. but this thing about the movies and books remains unexplained and i don’t know if i will ever truly know what happened there. and also adhd seems to come with this “hyperfixations and obsessive consumption of media” thing that is exactly the opposite of my entire life experience. that’s the main reason i steer away from the term.

i am trying to actually read now. i know it’s an insane thing for a 22 year old to say but i don’t know when the last time i read something that wasn’t a textbook was before dracula daily. now that it’s over i’ve proved that my brain can keep track of a written story, at least when it is serialized and i have time to process its parts like with the kids tv shows.

i want to read more to get out of this hole. but i also want to know why the hell i am in this hole in the first place. i have almost nothing to look back on nostalgically like people who loved star wars as kids and made their own halloween costumes and had a toy collection and more. i just watched sitcoms and cartoons to laugh and escape from the world, not to understand any themes or messages. i feel like something was stolen from me and i’ll never get it back.

[bronftw]

I came across this article, and it got me thinking about neurodivergence and platonic relationships.

Like OP I'd heard of the term aplatonic, but I'd resisted applying the label to myself. It made me kind of uncomfortable, like a flickering light that I'd refused to look at or focus on. I'd think 'that can't be me, I want friends' then move on before I could think about it too much. Because deep down this term struck a chord. One that felt too much like saying 'I'm a bad person who doesn't like their friends'.

But I am bad at maintaining friendships. Not super great at making them either if I'm honest. Most of this can possible be explained by autism, and my struggle with friendships was the primary reason why I'd started suspecting that I might be autistic. (But am I really autistic though?)

I'd heard other autistics explaining how they kind of lack object permanence when it comes to people. Not that they literally don't think that someone doesn't exist when they don't see them, but that they don't think of them. This mirrors my own experience with friends. I don't think of them that often. And if I do and realise that I haven't spoken or seen them in a while, then actually contacting them for catch up takes a lot of energy and mental prep before hand. Phoning people makes me anxious, even for people I talk to all the time and know that I can talk to easily. It's a huge mental effort to go 'I'm going to call Sally today'. Even then I'll probably tidy my bedroom first, do the laundry, vacuum etc., then decide it's too late and put off calling her for another week.

Recently I came across the term 'relationship degradation mechanics' by twitter user Khoshtistic. They described it in terms of their ADHD, but it also describes my own experience perfectly. The term comes about from video games which have a friendship meter for NPCs which either fills up over time, or empties, depending on how often you interact with an NPC. I frequently forget about my friends (that faulty object permanence), I don't message them, call, or organise meet ups. There have been times when I've decided to message someone and then realised that the last time I interacted with them was a year ago. In those instances I often feel so guilty about it that I decide against messaging them completely. Why draw attention to it? When I do happen to catch up with a friend, months or years after I last saw them, I'm often surprised that our friendship bar has degraded. I expect things to be the same as when we last met up, but they aren't.

My partner is always messaging his friends. He is the polar opposite of me in many ways, but especially in this. If he hasn't seen his friends for a while he gets sad and upset about it. When I ask him how long it's been, he'll tell me that it's been ages. But how long is that? A couple weeks, he says. For him those couple of weeks span a millennia, for me that feels like yesterday.

This type of conversation is not uncommon for us:

Him: We haven't seen Sally and John in ages

Me: But we just saw them. Remember? we played board games

Him: That was 2 weeks ago!

Me: Exactly. Only 2 weeks ago.

We both have a very different understanding of time.

His relationship with friendships is informed by his ADHD in a very different way to mine. He worries that if he doesn't stay in contact with people constantly, then they'll think he hates them and subsequently decide that they hate him too. Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) is a bitch. I'm glad I don't have that, but sometimes I wish I cared a little more than I do.

He cares so much for his friends and what they think of him. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really friends with anyone, and that I'm only preforming friendship. Sometimes I feel like an unfeeling robot, and the ace/aro community often (unintentionally) amplifies that feeling. The uncaring aro or ace person is a common trope that the aspec community rails against, usually by saying that one can still have strong and intimate platonic relationships. However this is something that I don't have either. I'm ace, aro, and at the very least bad at friends. So what does that make me?

[skywitchmaja]

my dear beloved treasured mutual eva @bisexualdecay via herbal tea raven teentitans icon sent me an ask game that was something like “choose 5 songs you actually listen to and send this to 10 of your favorite followers ⭐️” except whoops! that was a whole week ago and whoops! i lost the ask BUT i’m still gonna talk <3 i am NOT going to send this to people bc i do not have the original to send i am so sorry i was so looking forward to it :-( BUT all my followers who see this please do talk about 5 songs u like and tag me :-) or don’t bc i have broken the formalized ask game aspect of it so no pressure. it is definitely not necessary to spend a whole paragraph talking about each song but alas i have super adhd so. here!

stay soft by mitski

because i recently got my “open up your heart like the gates of hell” sweatshirt and it’s SOO cute and comfy i wish it weren’t a hundred fucking degrees outside <3 AND because the afformentioned lyric reminds me of “there’s some kind of burning inside me / it’s kept me from falling apart / and i know that you’ve seen what it’s done to my heart / but it’s kept me from falling apart” from goodbye my danish sweetheart which is possibly my favorite verse in any song ever <3333 so that’s kind of a two for one!

fetch the bolt cutters by fiona apple

these! shoes! that were! not! made! for running! up! that! hill! i’ve been listening to a lot of fiona lately and this album is like. so cinematic to me ig bc i associate it with talking long walks around my old neighborhood in austin at the beginning of the pandemic and this is a worthy title track

thank you for the venom by my chemical romance

sissssster i’m noooooot much AHH! poet! but! a! criminal! and you never had a chance! like everyone, i have a renewed appreciation for mychem, much inspired by beloved mutuals such as urself @bisexualdecay & @milfygerard (and i’m sure there are others im missing xoxo) and this song is sooooooooo <3 the guitars the fast bits the sing-y bits it’s like. dynamic? idk if that makes sense idk how to talk about music but i like this one :-)

seven by taylor swift

from the moment i heard the first piano notes, driving home from college, i was enchanted. one of my fav taylor swift songs definitely top 5. for some reason this one makes me think of this girl i was friends with for exactly one week at girl scout camp, i don’t even remember her name. and this song is a really pretty shade of green!

après moi by regina spektor

this one messes me up because i always want to look for it on the blue album or one of the red and black and white albums but it’s NOT it’s on the yellow album!! anyway regina spektor is one of the first artists that wasn’t what my dad was listening to or what my friends were listening to and she really shaped my taste in music and i love this song i love when she sings in russian <333333

[chaoticpanenergy]

Hi Peregrin!! I hope u have a wonderful day!!!!

Here r some fun questions:

1. Do u like sewing, knitting, or other kinds of craft stuff like needle felting etc?

2. Do u play video games? If so, which ones are ur favourites?

3. Are you working on any stories at the moment that u want to talk about?

storm i love you with my whole heart for that third question especially akhkjdgdhsf i have been. super busy lately, and i did not have the greatest weekend or last couple of days BUT starting at like 11pm last night i have been absolutely FANTASTIC so! it evens out i guess!

1) yes yes yes omg!!!! i love embroidery the most, ive been doing it since i was really little. and i have like. very basic knitting and sewing abilities, nothing fancy but certainly functional. i actually have never needle felted before tho!! i would love to try sometime.

2) i mostly do not—my parents didn’t allow them growing up, and now most of them just. are not fun for me because i don’t have the baseline experience needed to enjoy them lol. but i do like to get the free phone versions of certain games—i have the free phone app version of the sims and of animal crossing specifically, and tbh i suspect i like them more than i would like the normal versions of the game anyway XD

3) AAAAAAAA OKAY OKAY SO. first of all if d&d counts the campaign im in rn is SO delightful and good but i’ll probably just make a post rambling about that some other time.

i am also working on figuring out the plot for a new novel!! the main characters are brian (he/him) and xeno (they/them) and they are both aro (brian is aroace and xeno is non-SAM) and they are qpps, and they are both autistic and brian also has adhd, and they are very much the "sunshine character and grumpy character" dynamic trope (brian is sunshine and xeno is grumpy), and they just graduated college, where they were roommates for two years; xeno was an accounting major, and brian is a wizard.

brian’s whole family is magical and also super fucked up; their thing is like. they save the world from terrifying magical threats. but they don’t always win, so the strategy is just to have So Many kids that it’s okay when some people die because someone else can step in to save the day. so brian (who is the fourth out of nine kids, plus has tons of cousins) was raised with the mindset that his life didn’t really matter and that he was expendable; he fully expects to be dead before he reaches 30.

and while his family is mostly okay with queer stuff, brian coming out as aro was super rough, because he came out to give himself an “excuse” for being like “i am not comfortable with getting a life partner or having children, because that would mean i would be bringing people that i love into this family, which inherently puts their lives at risk, and i could not bear to do that.” (which. is not actually connected to his aromanticism at all, it’s bc of how his family is, hence coming out being an “excuse” for that so he wouldn’t have to admit the real reason.) so since then brian has been a tiny bit disowned bc the family has a HUGE expectation for everyone to get married and have kids ;-;

but then he met xeno!! and for a while they did not get along at all, because brian tends towards hyposensitivity and xeno tends towards hypersensitivity so their sensory needs often clashed, but then they figured it out and started to get super close and ultimately entered into a qpr. and for a little bit it was the happiest brian had ever been and he was able to just be himself without anyone expecting things from him. and it was so so good. i love them.

and then brian’s family shows up to bring him back into the fold. specifically, his older sister and brother, who are both. super manipulative and emotionally abusive. and brian goes along with it because like. he really doesn't see that there even could be a way out of his family's control or any other choice that he could make but to obey. so xeno, who is absolutely FURIOUS about all this, accompanies them on the magic adventure that brian's family summoned him for, even though xeno really dislikes magic generally and REALLY dislikes brian's family.

meanwhile brian's older sister has lowkey identified xeno as. a target. with the idea being that if she can convince xeno to take up magic and join the family, it will cement the family's control over brian through xeno. and she's definitely being super amatonormative about it too and refusing to acknowledge that their partnership is not at all like a typical romantic life partnership. xeno haaaates her.

so!! so ultimately the outward story is that there's a big old save-the-world magical adventure with wizards, and meanwhile the inward story is for brian about realizing that his family is super fucked up and abusive and he needs to leave, and for xeno i havren't talked about the stuff leading up to it much here but for them in addition to trying to help and support brian, there's going to be about a lot of personal growth stuff relating to how they distrust magic (which ultimately is going to be a symptom/metaphor/something for a lack of self trust) and learn to fully lean into their own power and own all the aspects of themself, and they'll wind up saving the day because they can provide an outside perspective when it seems like there's an either/or choice to be made with the magic stuff, and be like "actually there can be a third option because i said so, and im going to make that third option exist by incorporating my personal skills with what i've observed about magic to create it" and just. it's going to be so good. im hyped.

then for ts fics, there are several in the works but they are all big bang fics so i think i probably should not say super spoilers rn. but one of them is the logince fic i told you about ages ago that would take place in the same au as that anxceit oneshot i did, and im very excited for it, and the other two are both canonverse and super angsty with unhappy endings (one is abt the split and one is abt how virgil left the dark sides) and i am being so mean about it but also im having so much fun ahsdjklfhglsdg

OKAY THANK U FOR FUN QUESTIONS your turn now!!!!! <33