#i am sorry i am sure this answer is very anti climatic

[lovekenney]

ok so both of us are debbie gallagher and lana del rey stans, and we have both agreed that debbie would listen to lana del rey, so what do you think her favorite album is? i have a few candidates but i need to know your opinion

born to die and ultraviolence (plus aka and paradise.) call me a local but i think she would really feel connected to born to die. and just one google search born to die is explained as being focused on "Love, sex, and drugs" (more detailed is "The lyrics are about love, sex, and drugs, and feature prominent references to 1950s and 1960s Americana.")

remind you of somebody? and "this is what makes us girls" ugh is so debbie (and mandy and fi. very off topic but carmen reminds me alot of fiona.)

she also would love dark paradise and off to the races. dark paradise just being depressing as fuck and off to the races being abt older guys. in my head i can connect so many lyrics throughout the album to debbie. and in general she seems like the type to be obsessed with btd.

annddd paradise!! i think she really would be in love with the song ride. especially the monologue. i made a post abt this before (debbie and ride) but i think that song is smth she would connect with. paradise is very Americana plus yolo and i think that is smth debbie would be obsessed with. oh yeah she would also deff be obsessed with cola.

she would also love yayo. i would say every song on that album could somehow be linked to debs (BESIDES burning desire. that one is very gallavich.)

ultraviolenccee do i need to explian? i will anyway. The album encompasses quite a bit. so it’s difficult to pinpoint a single subject, but she covers abuse, adoration, and addiction. remind you of someone?

Ultraviolence is about the experience of being in love with being in pain. Almost even track on the record is Lana really explaining that she is fundamentally in love with suffering.

debbie does a whole lot of self sabotaging. a lot of it comes from the fact she craves to be loved and have a proper family who loves her as much as she loves them.

i think she would be in love with every song on that album but her favs would be

shades of cool

sad girl

pretty when you cry

fucked my way up to the top

andddd the other woman.

i dont think she would of listened to all of her albums but i do think she would also love blue banisters! i would of liked to talk abt aka and bb but my energy is running out lol.

[jewishtwig]

hi, im starting the conversion process and i have 3 concerns about it i was wondering if i could get your opinion on bc i feel like there isn’t a huge online jewish community and especially not for converts (but it’s fine if you don’t have anything to say i get it)

the first is that im struggling to figure out how to tell my family about my want to convert. i was raised atheist and am honestly still pretty atheist/agnostic, just not completely. my father is a climate scientist who is very anti-religion in general (but mostly generalizes all religion as christian, you know, as ppl do), and i’m worried he’ll think it’s a phase, because once when he was around my age he started attending church for a girl he was dating only to abandon it later and regret it totally. i don’t think he’s antisemitic but i don’t think he’ll be super enthused in general about me wanting to be jewish just bc it means i’d be religious

the second one is that i was invited to visit a synagogue near me for shabbat services and i’m really looking forward to it, but i looked on their website and said they want all men who visit to wear a kippah regardless of whether or not they are jewish. do you think it would be inappropriate to buy one of my own instead of using one of the ones they offer at the synagogue if i just wore it while visiting for services?

finally (sorry this is a lot i might just need to get it out of my system tbh), i talked to a rabbi (as mentioned above) and she told me to convert with any synagogue in my state i’d need to take a very specific intro to judaism course that doesn’t start until almost a year from now. is it irrational to be upset i have to wait so long? i was sitting on the idea of reaching out to a rabbi about conversion for almost a year, so to finally do it and be told i just have to wait more, after i get the guts to stop waiting, kinda sucks. but i’m worried if i express my concerns to the rabbi she’ll interpret that as me being too eager and impatient?? i’m not sure

Hello! No need to apologize! It’s an important thing to consider. I’m glad you found an answer on my blog already 😊

There is actually a surprisingly large online community of converts and converts in progress! (I’ll make a poll about it in a bit because now I’m curious.)

Okay on to your first second question, I don’t think it would necessarily be inappropriate per say but I wouldn’t advise it yet for a couple of reasons.

1. You don’t know what style of kippah you like yet and wearing the ones they provide is a good way to test them out.

2. You’re not going to be wearing it outside of shul and they have them there for you for free.

3. There are many different styles and sizes and this community may have a style they prefer that you aren’t aware of yet. (That’s not to say you can’t wear other styles but it’s something to consider)

4. You don’t need to. They have them there for you to use.

5. A secret fifth thing I can’t quite put my finger on which makes this feel not quite right to me. 

Next question, it’s definitely not irrational to be upset. That’s a very rational feeling to have. However, conversion is a long process. For many people, it takes several years because of things like waiting for classes or a Rabbi to be available. Conversion is a lifetime commitment. If you have to wait one more year and then get to be Jewish for the rest of your life, is it worth it to you?

You can tell the Rabbi if you want, but if that’s the only class and it’s required, then it is what it is.

[jayflrt]

alice oh my i just saw the craziest debate on my tumblr tl like im very strongly pro-palestinian but for wtv reason my blr showed me some post like 4 rbs deep of continued debate between a fucking "proud zionist" and some hindu supremacist abt whose people had it worse ... the hindu supremacist was saying they were an ally bc of the "mughal conquering" of india but the zionist wouldn't accept them or wtv i honestly didn't understand but i was just staring both in anger and bafflement bc im not sure that they can be compared ... the nakba is such a recent thing but the mughals conquered india in the 1500s and how is that any reason to support fuckass modi's entire anti-muslim propaganda ughh i want so badly to be more educated on the history of both what's going on in palestine and also everything else that's happening in the world but it keeps making me so upset to see how blinded people are by their own hate and wtf are politicians corrupt almost everywhere ?? do they genuinely have no compassion ?? im so sorry for dumping in ur inbox :( i feel like the blr community has kind of adopted u as part of our wise counsel of elders lol bc i always feel like everyone including me goes straight to ur inbox to talk ... maybe its the psych degree but ur so comforting to talk to <3

omg WHAT that's so :(( i'm so sorry you had to see that,, what a weird thing to argue over. i don't think people realize that fighting over who had it worse only benefits the oppressors..... we're ignoring the true problem at hand while we go back and forth. that's just a general statement btw i am not supporting either of who you mentioned and they should not be using such awful historic events to defend the atrocious acts israel is committing against palestine 😭 supporting modi of all people too..... FUCK THAT MAN!

i do wish things were different and i wouldn't have to say this but i'm afraid most if not all big politicians with influence have lost sight of what's important and are mostly driven by greed and power. most people see the career path of a politician and have high hopes that they'll create change and make a difference, but when you enter that world you quickly realize the best way to keep your seat in the government is to align your political views with whoever pays you more to push your campaign forward :( sure there are probably exceptions, but it would take a lot more than exceptions to flip the current political climate. that's why it's so so important for us regular citizens to create change ourselves!! all these protests and boycotts may not seem like they're doing much from our perspective, but we're all exercising our free speech in a way our governments can't suppress. educating ourself, spreading awareness, donating, sharing information—they're all ways for us to reclaim the power of the people

i'm answering this somewhat half asleep so i hope this made sense!! omg pls i always think of that tweet that says psych majors are either chill or the worst people you've met 😭 but you're too sweet, i'm so glad you feel comfortable enough to send an ask in my inbox! feel free to drop a message whenever 💘

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

[fourangers]

Hi Fourangers,

First of all, I love your blog so much. It's like going through a history back when Naruto Manga chapters were released weekly and your reviews were so Golden, Hilarious and spot-on. Am a new fan though (especially an SNS fan), I just got into this fandom only this year. I don't know if you'll answer my ask, but I just wanted to try and ask you few questions and I pray that you might answer me....

1. Since you've written in a post that you were active in the eastern part of the fandom, How was chapter 698 received in Japan? Because this is the chapter I inherently realized they both love each other. Yeah, I was too late but somehow whenever they interact with each other in previous chapters I always find them to be 'Weird' for just to be friends. Chapter 698 is just blatantly obvious that they love each other. Considering Homophobia and Shounen genre, I have no idea how it was perceived over there back then in 2014.

2. Which scene made you to ship SNS?

3. As an SNS'er how do you feel about the ending, where everyone was married off when they were just 19 just to make some shitty sequel??? As a new fan, I felt betrayed and It would've been perfect if they had stopped at chapter 699, leaving an open ending.

4. How do you face with the accusation about Naruto and Sasuke as brothers and we, SNS'ers are Incest shippers??? I don't care about that Indra and Ashura thing. But Naruto himself told he considers Sasuke as his Brother couple of times. And in Chapter 699, Sasuke acknowledged, 'He finally understood what it meant'.... It's the only thing that confuses me and I don't even have an answer!!! Plus, Kishi himself gave an interview that he based Sasuke on his Brother... I really wonder how he gave such an interview when he literally made them wear necklaces with each other's faces.

5. How was Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality perceived in the fandom back then??? Man!! Kishimoto just made lot of comic reliefs on their sexuality by making Sasuke on Sai jutsu, Naruto not interested in Icha Icha but making Reverse Harem no Jutsu, Naruto was angry when Konohamaru made Boy on Boy jutsu whereas he had no problem with him doing it. LOL. And all those homoerotic posters. What do you think about their sexuality, personally??

6. Why did Kishi had to develop their bond as Soulmates with some unintentional or intentional romantic undertones, if he was eventually going to pair them up with girls??? He easily could've gave many such romantic tropes to other girls and keep the bond between N and S as purely friendship or brothers. It still would've made sense.

7. Final one, Was Naruto really Nosebleeding when Kurama made a joke about Sasuke's kiss in Chapter 572???? We had a lot of heated discussion with other shippers where they claim that it was just a splotch of snot.

Sorry for the lengthy ask....... I am so eager to know your answers and I don't want to spam your ask box by sending multiple asks.

Thanks 😊😊😊

Hey yo! Welcome new SNS fan! I'm so glad that you joined us and I'll try to answer as best as I can. I'm not very active here on tumblr (except browsing lol) but your ask was such a delight to read.

1. I honestly don't remember. I think I didn't follow the japanese boards until the eventual 699-700 disaster. People were craving for reactions and I was curious about it too lol. And well...it's been years, I doubt I'll be able to find the reactions from that time. Imo, most readers don't care much about pairings, they just wanted to read about power-ups and abilities and the basic Naruto Vs Sasuke. Though there are some backhanded jokes about how gay Naruto is for Sasuke.

2. Hah. It's going to be very anti-climatic but it was when Naruto and Sakura were eating in Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto just used Rasenshuriken against Kakuzu and he busted his arm. Sakura was healing his arm and her attention was focused on Naruto. I used to be a NaruSaku shipper so I thought "Oh hey! This is the moment that Naruto would have a candid romantic moment!" But nope. He talked about Sasuke. And I was already getting suspicious about Sasuke's feelings towards Naruto ya know? And the whole "SASUKE IS MIINEEEEEE" in Orochimaru's lair. It was that moment I thought "you only have Sasuke in your head don't you, Naruto?" and started shipping SNS.

3. Hooo boy was I surprised when it was suddenly revealed that they had the basic heteronormative, boring marriage with bunch of clones of themselves. Everyone thought that it was almost like a bad fanfiction come true and some thought that it was fake. It was a pandemonium lolololol. I also thought that it was too lame to be true and lo and behold, when it came true I was floored. And then whenever Kishimoto threw new material, I got insanely pissed off because S*arada and B*ruto becoming pairing material is ok because they are a girl and a boy, and then they paralleled with Naruto and Sasuke which are only FRIENDS because they are both men. ARGH. Open ending was what Kishimoto planned from the very beginning but wrote a sequel to earn more money.

In that aspect, I made peace with it because of the whole anime/manga industry. I learned that, as a mangaka, you don't earn a lot of money with selling books, but rather with merchandise and profiting with sales right. And that guy have a family to raise, have two kids (which is hilarious about how B*ruto movie is his self-insert story), he needs a steady income. Also, I read reports about how anime studios are so poor and animators don't receive a decent income not to mention they are overstaffed and tired, and B*ruto is a good money cow for them to earn money so they can invest later on other anime they have more passion about it. So even though I hate this story with a strength of thousands suns, they are putting meal on people's tables and making them pay rents. I'm ok.

4. Lemme roll my eyes because in the Last movie they said that Hinata is related to Kaguya and so is the Uzumaki and Uchiha clan so they are all related woo hoo. But in the aspect of brothers because reincarnations bla bla bla, didn't Naruto himself said that he's no longer that brother, he's himself? Hmm...I gotta re-read it. One day. Maybe. lol. But I'm sure that he said "Sasuke is not my brother but I'm sure we'll understand well as friends" so there. Honestly, there are a lot of interviews out there and a lot of them are fake, so I'd always take the interviews with a grain of salt lololol. I do know from artbooks that Kishimoto wanted to create Sasuke as a rival-esque character and that was it. As he was developing Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, since he liked the whole yin-yang concept, whenever he wrote Naruto's story, Sasuke's was developed at the same time as his shadow.

5. I can tell from Naruto Forums (I used to participate back in that day) MOST of the non-shippers thought it was gay as hell, but you know...it was a relic of that time. While they thought it was gay, they didn't put too much thought about you know? Because it was shounen, and we knew that it was a joke that it couldn't be taken seriously. Of course, in the SNS fandom, we did make more analysis and there were a lot of instance when Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality was questioned. Some other non-shippers also thought that Naruto was totes gay for Sasuke (including a IRL friend).

Imo, Naruto is definitely bisexual in my view. Sasuke I think he's asexual or gay. He's attracted to Naruto, but mostly because of his connection to him, not because of his physical attributes, so yeah...asexual. Or Pansexual. Sasuke is more complicated lmao. Imo, Naruto could be pansexual too, come to think about it. Yeah, I guess both being pansexual can be valid.

6. He developed Naruto and Sasuke being soulmates from the very beginning, that was proven in his comments in artbooks and in the manga. He probably created with the intention of making it purely platonic, going beyond physical ties. Then he shot himself on the foot by drawing Naruto thinking about Sasuke on bed, talking about how Sasuke is cool, meanwhile Sasuke waxing poetic about how Naruto saved him. What gives? Lol. Yeah, I think he got too enamored writing their relationship that he didn't have time to write romantic ones. What I noticed that Sakura's popularity never was really high, so I could see some editors putting their fingers all over it and making her less relevant. Also, Kishimoto didn't know how to handle her, so when she got her time to shine was the whole fake confession disaster. Coupled with Kishimoto sexism and, in his words (Kurenai's flashback), women are useful to spout more babies, women was never really relevant in his story, unfortunately. Even Kaguya who was technically the big bad boss, was never really fleshed out in comparison to Madara. So the null het romantic moments it's not because he wanted to elevate SNS moments, it's more about how he's incompetent about it. It's either Hinata slowly elevating to a relevant status because forced interaction (Pain's sacrifice and Neji's death) or Sakura being obligated to be pining over Sasuke because she's a girl. It's even more painful to see that, if we ignore B*ruto, both girls are shown to be just talking with their kids and dusting shelves, basically being housewives, even though thorough the story (especially Sakura) it was implied that both of them have much more potential than being their husband accessories.

7. It was a splotch of snot. I can confirm myself lol. Whenever the chapter is out and fans would scan it to scanlate it, the editor usually would amp up contrast to max. So usually the lines get much more thicker than usual, when you read the official release which gets straight from the source, you can notice how the lines are more delicate.

Oh lol...but then we also have a lot of controversy about translating style. THAT one is a whole new can of worms to open.

Man I had fun answering your questions! Please send more :P

[mexicancat-girl]

Miraculously Supernatural

Ao3: Link

Wordcount: 2,720, Rated M for character death and one implied sexual scene.

A Miraculous Ladybug fic that's a parody of the Supernatural ending, because those final two episodes were too ridiculous and I felt compelled to. I'm sorry to the Supernatural fans.

...

.

"I love you," Nathaniel states.

Felix stares back at him blankly, looking like he's barely holding himself back from saying a slur.

Adrien just watches with awkward horror as Nathaniel dies, being pulled into a portal into what looks like Super Mega Hell. "Nathaniel…! Oh my fucking God, he's fucking dead!"

"He dies all the time," Felix reminds him flatly.

"Well, yeah but...Felix, he literally just confessed to you? That's different. Shouldn't we... I dunno... try and bring him back again...?"

"He's an angel, he'll find his way out. He always does."

"Felix, he literally went to Super Mega Hell for being gay for you," Adrien reminds him irately, crossing his arms. "The least you can do is pretend to give a shit."

"I'm still in shock," Felix says, in his usual flat voice, not seeming to feel much of anything. "Now excuse me while I throw up."

"Better than saying a slur, I guess..." Adrien mutters with pure disappointment. Five years and fifteen seasons of homoerotic tension, and Felix was just as emotionally constipated and homophobic as the start.

At least Adrien had a love interest...which was only introduced last season...and who barely got any screen time... But hey! Marinette was a nice enough girl!

...

. 

“So…” Adrien starts awkwardly, wanting to finally address the elephant in the room. “About Nathaniel…”

“What about him?” Felix asks, raising a delicate brow, completely disinterested.

“You…You sad he’s gone, or…?”

Felix just gives a shrug. “Yeah. Shit sucks, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“We should go somewhere else. Keep moving,” his brother declares, finally finishing chugging his coffee and smashing the empty container under his steel-toed shoes, in a very manly fashion.

Well, Adrien should have expected this. His older brother always ran away from his feelings. And problems. And everything in life that was vaguely troubling, like the emotionally constipated and paranoid bastard he was.

At the very least, these habits have kept them alive so far. There’s that silver lining.

...

.

“Y’know, I didn’t realize the Insane Clown Posse was still touring,” Adrien jokes, sweating nervously at the group of juggalos surrounding the pair of brothers.

“Very funny,” one of the juggalos rasps, baring his teeth, and. Alright. Those were vampire fangs.

“Really…?” Felix asks long sufferingly, rolling his eyes. “Is this the best the writers could come up with? Juggalo vampires?”

“With knives!” one of said juggalo vampires says cheerily, raising a knife, his face split half-white half-black down the middle. Not very clown-like, but Adrien was willing to give him A for effort and his nice smile that made his emerald eyes glitter charmingly.

Felix, like the complete weeb he is, readies his shuriken and starting chucking them like he’s a Naruto character. Adrien ducks and rolls, slashing at the enemies’ heels with his claw-gloves and readying his baton.

“Ah, hello again, Kagami,” Felix says silkily, in his Protagonist Fighting Voice.

“How could you tell it was me?” asks the masked woman.

“You aren’t dressed as a juggalo, for one. Two, this show has such a minimal amount of female characters, I could have thrown any name of a woman out there and had a good one in ten chance of getting it correct.”

“Make that a thirty-seventy chance, since most of the women die in the show!” Adrien calls back, because he is all for equality and getting statistics correct.

“Yes, of course. My mistake,” Felix states dryly.

“I hate this fucking show,” Kagami sighs, tired and exasperated.

“You’re not the only one.” And then Felix promptly kills Kagami anti-climatically. “I hope you enjoyed your one scene with dialogue.”

“Felix, why didn’t you kill her with your shuriken? You know your best weapon is your shuriken!” Adrien scolds. “I know we’re in the season finale and things should be wrapping up, but—”

And then the younger blond watches before his very eyes as his brother is impaled.

“NOOOOOOO!” Adrien shrieks, going on a vengeance-fueled rampage to kill the rest of the juggalo knife vampires. He then runs over to his impaled brother, who was impaled by huge…rusty nails? He thinks? Listen, he was too fucking tired to question it. “Felix! Felix, talk to me!”

“I’m sorry, little brother,” Felix rasps, coughing out blood, the red liquid splattering down his chin. “I was…careless.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Lix,” Adrien sniffles, clutching his brother’s hand in his. “You’ve survived worse! Like, you’ve literally fist fought God! You’ve survived fifteen seasons of this shit, you can—”

“I can’t come back from this.”

“But why?!” Adrien demands, tears budding in his green eyes.

“Because…I want you to live…”

“I can bring you back! I can, I swear—”

“You really think the writers will do that, when they want to end this flaming trash heap?” Felix chuckles, with a slight smile, lips coated red.

“But you survived so much! How will the audience even believe you died from murderous vampire juggalos?!”

“They won’t…This is…the stupidest fucking thing the showrunners could have done,” his older brother rasps with a sassy and bitchy roll of his eyes. “Fucking morons…Total brain rot…I knifed God, and this is the thanks I get…”

“You’ve died plenty of times before, I can just bring you back, Felix, it’s gonna be—”

“No. Let me die in peace, you dumb, whiny little bitch,” the other blonde growls. “I’ve been stuck in this hellhole of a show for fifteen fucking years. Let me die already. I don’t care about the situation being braindead and unrealistic. I don’t care about the mechanics. We’ll just say that resurrecting me when you’re alone it too dangerous because it takes a toll on you that’s too great to pay. Before, Nathaniel could resurrect one or both of his because of his holy powers. Without him, doing this is pretty much impossible.”

“I can’t fucking believe that in your death scene, you’re actually giving an in-universe explanation that’s more realistic than what the writers of the show can come up with,” Adrien weeps while laughing.

“It’s a skill,” Felix deadpans, his grey eyes going soft as he brings a bloody hand up to gently touch Adrien’s cheek. “Listen…Go live your life…Live a long and full one…Marry and have children and grow old…All the stereotypical mushy shit, alright? You go and do that.”

“But you’re my brother. You’ve protected me from so much, never left my side,” the younger one whimpers, green eyes red-rimmed and face pulled into a visage of pure grief. “Please…”

“Stop dragging this out. You’re giving the incest shippers more to work with,” the older one states, before his eyes go glassy and he stops breathing.

Adrien wails, burying his face in the space of the other’s chest that wasn’t impaled, sobbing his heart out and clutching his dead protector.

...

.

Adrien burns Felix’s body. It’s what his older brother would have wanted. No physical remains, no possibility for his body to be taken by any of the monsters lurking in the world.

Adrien burns his brother’s body, and keeps moving.

...

.

Adrien is in a shoddy motel the next day. He only has one slice of toast for breakfast, to show how sad he is of his brother’s untimely demise.

...

.

Adrien is wearing glasses and his hair is a shoddy grey comb-over, to show that time has passed. He looks like a very tired university professor on tenure that no one is quite sure what subject he even teaches.

He’s in front of a house, in the lawn. “Lix! C’mere, Felix!”

A little boy with sandy hair and a bright smile runs at him, and Adrien hugs his son. His wife stands back, watching the scene.

Does he end up marrying Marinette? Another woman? Who knows. Fuck the fans for wanting to know that answer, amirite?

Adrien goes through the motions, and hopes the finale will end soon.

...

.

Trees. As far as the eyes can see. Trees, and a mountain range in the distance, dirt road under his feet.

“My love…” Felix whispers, tears budding in his steel-grey eyes, which have softened with pure love and passion. “I…I thought I’d never see you again…”

He stumbles forwards, stopping in front of the beauty in front of him. He carefully reaches a hand out, before gently placing his fingertips against the silk-smooth surface.

“Plagg, you little bastard, I didn’t even know cars could go to Heaven…” Felix breathes out a laugh, one of elation, tears spilling out of his eyes. He sniffles and wipes them away.

“Well, this is Heaven. Anything you could ever want would be here,” a voice says kindly.

Felix blinks, whirling around to stare at the man sitting in a rocking chair in front of a saloon he hadn’t noticed was there before. Next to the familiar man was an equally familiar ice cream cart.

“Andre…?” the blonde asks, confused. “I—What the fuck are you doing here? You’re a minor character.”

“Yeah, but I’m a minor character that was confirmed to have gone to Heaven,” the portly man says, nodding back at the monster hunter. “The writers couldn’t really think of anyone else to throw in here to serve as your guide, so here I am.”

“Well. Alright then,” Felix blinks back.

“C’mon, son. Lemme share with you some teen-rated friendly ice cream.”

“Suspiciously worded and a suspicious request, but I’ll play along,” the blonde shrugs carelessly, striding forwards.

The portly man hums, digging through his ice cream cart, creating the perfect cone in front of Felix’s eyes.

“Red velvet for his hair, cheesecake for his wings, and blue sherbet for his eyes and soul,” the ice cream man says kindly, handing the cone over to Felix, who takes it with numb fingers.

“Thank you,” he tells the man stiffly, carefully licking at the cone.

“This place has everything you could ever want…Except…” Andre’s face turns sympathetic and soft with sadness. “Well, he’ll be here, eventually. Time works different here than it does where Nathaniel is at. But he’s an angel. He’ll find his way back here.”

“…Sure,” Felix says, lips twisting into an awkward half-smile. This is Heaven. He can’t go calling an angel a homophobic slur. He’ll end up switching places with Nathaniel, or something.

Besides, Andre was kind enough to make him an ice cream cone. And it was a rather nice ice cream. So Felix enjoys the cone, for about five minutes.

“Can I go back to Plagg, now? My baby needs me,” Felix asks five minutes later in almost a whine, sick and tired of the ice cream flavors that reminded him too much of Nathaniel.

The portly man chuckles. “Go on, then, Felix. Go on.”

The blonde grins toothily and runs back to the Impala. “Ohhhh, baby, how I’m glad to see you…!” he coos, opening the door and sliding in. He breathes in familiar scent of his reliable, manly, super sexy heterosexual car. “Now, let’s crank it!”

Felix’s smile fills his entire mouth as he chucks his unfinished cone out the window, turns the ignition on, and revs the engine.

Plagg drives smoothly, like a cat purring. Felix turns on the radio, Carry On My Wayward Son playing as he drives through Heaven. Maybe he can find a place he can look over Adrien from. That would be nice. He wants to see if his little brother actually had kids or not. And see how ugly he’s gotten from old age.

...

.

Adrien’s hair has now turned white, to show how even more time has passed.

Carry On My Wayward Son, but it’s a cover from Evanescence, plays in the Impala as Felix parks the car and watches his little brother be an old man.

...

.

Nathaniel sighs and taps his fingernails against the desk he was sitting at, in Super Mega Hell’s bureaucratic offices.

“What the fuck is taking them so long to revive me again…?” the gay angel mutters, pouting. “They usually don’t take this long! Are they not doing it because Nathaniel feels awkward about everything…? Did one of them die, so they don’t have enough energy to complete the ritual…?”

The redheaded angel sighs, feeling guilty. “Poor Adrien…He always was a nice lad. I hope he enjoys Heaven, at least. I went and fixed it up quite well. Shame he has to use it so quickly… Felix must be grieving so terribly…”

“You look sad, Nath. You want me to suck you off?” asks his underling softly—a fellow named Marc who died as a juggalo knife-wielding vampire. Despite Marc’s strange make-up, he had a kind smile and pretty green eyes, and Nathaniel was fond of the lad.

“You don’t have to!” Nathaniel says quickly, face going warm, suddenly incredibly shy. “You’re not obligated to do anything you wouldn’t like to do—”

“But I want to,” Marc says warmly, already sliding onto his knees and unbuckling Nathaniel’s belt. “I’ll get your mind off your little boyfriend, alright?”

Nathaniel is about to protest about Felix being his boyfriend—after all, he’d just confessed before being dragged into Super Mega Hell, so he hasn’t had the time to have a proper conversation with Felix over them even dating—but then Marc fulfills his offer. Nathaniel’s mind goes hazy with pleasure, complicated thoughts about the Agreste brothers flying straight out the window.

...

.

Adrien Agreste lies on his deathbed, dying from old age. The shot transitions from him lying down with closed eyes, to opening them, his face unwrinkled and youthful once more.

All around him are trees, with a mountain range in the distance, a dirt road under his feet. He turns, and startles, seeing someone he’d lost so long ago.

“F-Felix…?” he asks waveringly, tears in his eyes and throat instantly clogging.

His older brother is as youthful and healthy as the last day before his death. He’s got his arms crossed, leaning his hip against the sleek, black Impala, a wide and toothy smirk on his face.

“Took you long enough,” Felix teases, jerking his head and opening his arms. “C’mere—”

Adrien runs and tackles his brother in his hug, Felix yelping as the two land on the ground.

“Careful here,” Felix grouses, but he’s smiling as he speaks. “You’ll give the incest shippers more fodder.”

“Fuck the crazy shippers, I missed you, you fucking asshole.”

“What did I just say?” Felix sighs, fondly exasperated. He wriggles out of Adrien’s hold, getting up, before offering his hand. Adrien quickly takes it, allowing his brother to pull him up and clap his hand on Adrien’s shoulder. “Welcome back.”

“It’s good to be back,” Adrien smiles with all his teeth, before he looks next to him at the Impala. “Uh…Not to be a Debbie downer, but where’s Nathaniel? And why’s Plagg here? Can a car even go to Heaven…?”

“No clue,” Felix chirps, before he rubs the top of the Impala’s hood like a loving pet own would their cat. “But I’m glad he’s here.”

Adrien deadpans back at him, “You’re grateful your car’s with you, but not the man that went to Super Mega Hell for you?”

“Details, details,” Felix waves his hand dismissively. “Andre told me about Nathaniel—”

“Andre the ice cream man? How’d a minor character like him show up at the finale?”

“You’re asking a lot from the writers of this shitshow,” Felix deadpans back at him. “Anyways, he said Nathaniel would take some time to come back up to Heaven.”

“Dude, that’s pretty homophobic.”

The other shrugs. “All the gays are in Hell anyways. He’s probably having the time of his life down there. He’s aesthetically attractive, he’s probably gotten a few booty calls.”

“You’re the straightest and most ridiculously homophobic man I know, and I am so sorry he’s in love with someone like you,” Adrien says with disgust, wrinkling his nose. “How a selfless angel is in Hell and a homophobic, prickly bastard like you is in Heaven, I’ll never understand.”

“I reap the benefit of the rewards from the terrible writing,” Felix smirks like the devil, throwing up the horns.

Adrien looks into the camera like he’s in The Office. Felix looks into the camera too, his face now startlingly blank, but somehow expressing the full weight of his homophobia. Carry On My Wayward Son plays one final time.

The end.

[olivieblake]

pat here that was a great read I'm sorry I was so confusing I want to clear up that I have no issue with voting Biden he is who is needed to be president right now of the options we have I have no doubt. He's not perfect as you said but I don't understand those who say they are the same. I am going to take a couple asks to hopefully be clearer about what I was attempting to say feel free to ignore if I'm repeating myself but please know I've never even considered not voting Biden once he was it

you've made some great points so some of what I was thinking may be invalid now, I'm a fairly new voter I'm not totally familiar with the process yet. I was trying to say as someone in the christian circle I know a lot of people who know trump is a bad person yet are lining up to vote for him anyway due almost entirely to wanting to see abortion overturned. These are people who would (obviously wrongly) consider themselves loving and kind people ignoring the many of their values for 1 issue. yes, I agree this is a common source of confusion for me in terms of right-wing voters abortion is about control especially to the men in charge and many others its also about life I know lots of women and I'm sure there are men, who really believe the stories about babies fighting while being aborted. its the defining issue of the party but the people are coming out to vote for whatever benefits they think anti abortion laws will bring them at least that's the experience with the people around me, it might not be universal no, I think you’re right about that. but I also think that is generally how things tend to go; we could probably look back at history and see people choosing their stances on one “hot” issue. say, prohibition, for example.

so when I say the left is fractured I mean that we want health care we want action on climate change we want something to be done about policing but we don't agree on how it should be accomplished and I have seen many people outright refuse to vote for Biden because he doesn't offer every single thing they are looking for on every issue on these issues. Thats what I was trying to say by saying its fractured. I am refraining from trashing Biden/dems during this particular time because I don’t think it serves a purpose, especially since the GOP agenda is much more concerning, but yes, once the election is over we should continue to be critical of policy decisions because to me voting 3rd cause Biden changed some of the GND is so selfish yet they are so like my grandmother believes trump was anointed by god to stop abortion yikes (and end the world??) and so though she's conflicted cause she knows he's bad she'll ultimately vote for him due to that. My long winded point (lmao) was I think there are many like her and they don't see they are being used (they aren't victims they are very complicit in his evil but I think trump takes advances of easy targets and pandering to christians is one of those targets) “trump” aka every GOP lawmaker I don't see the right struggle so hard with the 3rd party or not voting and so I wondered if the GOP lawmakers are actively not seeing through one of the core party values in order to keep the party together and voting for them, (they are a mess but they are typically a mess that agrees I think? cause they are selfish and the inconsistent policies consistently benefit only them) only one more left I promise god I'm so sorry I'm insufferable I at least hope this all made more sense 

last one, maybe my flaw is that its just trump who has no intention of overturning abortion yes, this is a major flaw in your reasoning. we’ll discuss (there is no way he was anointed by god!!) and is using it for reelection maybe other lawmakers actually want too and he's held them up idk I think you already answered how i'm wrong anyway aha but I wanted to clear up 2 party system sucks but its not what I was mad about and I am very very clear about voting Biden and I hope I didn't make it seem like people shouldn't!!! please folks vote early & safely the conversation took a slight turn after your asks which is why I wrote my follow-up, but thanks for clarification!

I realized everything I wrote is still probably confusing just ignore it my adhd mind connects things that make like no sense cause its dumb sorry to waste your time! It was a general musing I had like wow how can a chunk of the left take their rights so for granted they'd not vote Biden cause he's not perfect. yes this is a fair source of confusion. people are astoundingly selfish, it’s wild I wonder if the GOP lawmakers see that and purposely don't pass a core issue so their base doesn't get apathetic one day too oof, I wish, but no & I like u so I shared 😂😂 thank you! it’s not a problem to ask, and I’m glad you took the time to clarify.

here is my original answer, with this portion of your question answered in this video; I went off for a bit on a tangent about how abortion politics have basically led to the alienation of women who suffer miscarriages because of recent events on the subject, so I hope you know you’re definitely not the only one who has general musings that can sometimes go on for a bit

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Your post on Bernie has me a little confused. Do you consider yourself a strict democrat, leftist, socialist or anything else? To me at least, it seems odd that you dislike Bernie for not being an “actual democrate” when Clinton is pretty right wing.

So I dislike boxes. They’re restrictive. I vote for who I like in terms of policy and who I think will perform best once in office. I’m a democrat, sure. I have leftist ideals but a realistic/pragmatic approach to things. I understand that we all wish to burn things down but that’s not how things work sadly. So let’s be realistic about getting shit done. Guillotine memes don’t feed the starving and they don’t end white supremacy. I’m a uh, let’s call it a north american socialist (no one running is an actual, by the books, definition of socialist, but that’s neither here nor there). 

Since people on this site apparently need to dissect my political beliefs, here you go: 

I believe we should have free healthcare; I believe that university education should be heavily subsidized (free would be great, but let’s start with at least making it subsidized and work from there); I think we should have universal basic income; I believe we should spend more on public infrastructure because our roads and bridges are falling apart; I believe we should have accessible, reliable public transit and an improved public transit network that works at municipal, state and national levels; I believe election days should be national holidays so everyone can vote; I believe gerrymandering is a curse upon our democratic system; I believe that we should spend more on public education at a K-12 level; I believe in subsidized and/or free after school care especially for the economically struggling; I believe we should have stronger anti-hate crime laws; I believe dental and mental health care should be covered anytime we talk about health care coverage; I believe in reparations; I believe we should start our own Truth and Reconciliation process for both slavery and the genocide against the Native Americans; I believe that we should try and address class and wealth disparity but that won’t solve racism, sexism, homophobia etc.; I believe we need electoral reform; I believe we need to do more for climate change but that the Green New Deal is empty in terms of actual things to implement in terms of policy - anyway those who wrote it admitted it was more of an economic plan than a climate one; I believe we need to tax the wealthy including all those pesky millionaires with three houses and wives who were investigated for tax fraud as well as the billionaires — 

I can go on. 

Of those running I currently like Castro, Harris, Warren. I really wish Stacy Abrams was running but she’s not. I think she’d be the best. I’m not a fan of Biden, Sanders, Gabbard (I mean, can we really call her a democrat?), Steyer, Yang. I’m neutral on Mayor Pete, Klobuchar, and Booker. I don’t know if that clarifies anything for you. Also, this is liable to change as we move forward through the primaries. 

And Clinton isn’t right wing. Calling her that continues the lie that she and the GOP are two sides/same coin which isn’t true. It’s a harmful position to perpetuate. There’s been a ton of stuff written on that so I’m not going to put it all in here. But I recommend starting with an analysis of her voting record - it’s on point with Sanders, if that’s your bar, on almost everything with some differences, the notable ones being Iraq (she was for, he was against) and gun control (she is for, he is generally against - his record is really dodgy on that).

I believe all politicians are up for grabs when it comes to legitimate critiques. But there’s a difference in saying “I disagree with her arguments for why she voted for Iraq” and calling her right wing. One is a legitimate critique, the other is hyperbolic and untrue. I also believe in understanding the context of the time in which many policy decisions were made. She, and Sanders, have been in politics for over 20 years. There are going to be decisions made in 1992 that we can look back on and go: Oh boy that was Yikes. But at the time, that wouldn’t have been so clear cut. No one has all the answers. No one is perfect. Purity politics isn’t the solution to our social ills. 

Anyway, some things HRC has supported, or accomplished, includes but is not limited to: 

The ACA - which was huge at the time. I cannot emphasize this enough. It was Ground Breaking. I think younger folk either don’t remember, or aren’t aware, of what a game changer this was. Indeed, it’s because of the ACA that the many Americans are even open to the conversation around medicare for all/any sort of more socialist health coverage. 

On a personal note, as a child of a single, poor working mom in the 90s this is the reason I had any sort of healthcare. Without it, we’d have been fucked. 

This is also one of the things that sent the GOP into a fucking TIZZY about HRC and why they started their 30 year long smear campaign against her which has influenced a lot of the more recent leftist rhetoric on her. 

Indeed, she was an early leader in expanding healthcare coverage in the early 90s and continued to be throughout her career. 

Leadership with SCHIP which which expanded health coverage to millions of lower-income children. 

I know we all wish we could have Instant Health Care For All but small steps is how you get these things. It’s incredibly complicated and difficult to set up health care systems and programs. They’re large, they become unwieldly, they’re expensive to fund, and they’re difficult to pass through congress. It’s useful to be able to point to precedents. 

She founded the Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families

Supported and championed the Violence Against Women Act

Adoption and Safe Families Act (she was a supporter of it and helped champion it through) 

One of the leaders of the development of the Lilly Ledbetter Pay Equity Act 

Supported the Pediatric Research Equity Act - improving health and pharmaceutical access for children 

START treaty - an attempt to begin regulating the amount of nukes Russia and the US have which, even if one wishes we could snap fingers and get rid of them all, one must admit isn’t a bad thing. 

Negotiated ceasefire between Hamas and Israel in 2012 - again, regardless of views on Israel, Hamas and Palestine - having people stop fighting for a time isn’t a bad thing. The hope was it would lead to more productive, long term peace talks etc. but that sadly didn’t pan out. 

Copenhagen Climate Change Accord - one of the chief negotiators 

Etc. etc. she has 25 years of things to list but none of these things are right wing. One can disagree with her foreign policy approach, or think she didn’t push hard enough on health care, or that she came late to the table on LGBTQ issues, but that doesn’t make her right wing. I have right winger-s in the family and they’d all love to see Clinton dead. I know what the right wing looks like and it’s not her. 

Things she supports that make actual, real right wing people (like my great grandfather and my uncle’s sister) hate her: 

She supports and advocates for two weeks of paid family and medical leave at a minimum of 2/3s wage replacement rate 

She supports expanding social security 

You know, she believes in climate change and has worked to reduce carbon emissions, pushed for climate change accords, encouraged renewable energy, and ending tax subsidies for oil companies

clearly things a right wing person would do /sorry sarcasm I just can’t take it too seriously when people call her right wing

She supports immigration reform with full path to citizenship 

She supports the naturalization of around 9 million lawful permanent residents in the United States who are eligible to become U.S. citizens

She’s pro-choice and believes abortion is basic health care

Sorry how do people think she’s right wing again? 

She supports making it illegal for pharmacists to refuse to provide access to emergency contraception

When she was Sec. of State she wanted the US to join the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities

She supports the Disability Integration Act, which requires states and insurance companies to provide people with disabilities who need long term care the choice to receive care at home instead of solely in institutions and nursing facilities

She’s obviously pro-gun control and was the first candidate in 2016 to produce an extensive position paper on guns and gun violence

She supports voting rights and advocates for changes in national voter access laws, including automatically registering American citizens to vote at age 18 and mandating 20 days of early voting in all states

She has criticized laws passed by Republican-controlled state legislatures that do not permit student IDs at polling places, place limits on early voting, and eliminate same-day voter registration

She had one of the most thorough mental health care plans that I have ever seen in a presidential nominee. 

It goes on. I again - I don’t get how people can look at this and think her right wing. I sure don’t agree with everything she’s done and every position she’s taken, but she’s not right wing. Good lord my people. 

There’s a lot many people have to thank her for and they’re unaware of it. Tumblr and twitter aren’t ideal places to form and consume political points. 

As a note, I work in the civil service in Canada (am a dual citizen), I’m very familiar with how large socialized programs work and how difficult it is to implement them. There are never any quick and clean solutions. 

And on that note - I’m done for the time being. I hope this answers your question. 

Required civic duty reminder: Everyone vote in the primaries and vote in 2020. Also - no politician is perfect, no politician is going to align 100% with your views and nor should they because you know, we live in a democracy. Do your homework, get off of tumblr and twitter, and make sure you vote! 

[hyliantimelordin221b]

do you have any favorite theories about gaster, his role in undertale/deltarune, his personality, etc?

MY FRIEND, I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ASKED

(jk i won’t make this too long i promise)

((edit: warning: this did get long and i am so sorry))

but honestly, i don’t get into detailed theories too much!! i’m open to a lot of different interpretations of him.  i know i have ones that i like a lot, but i don’t necessarily think they are definitely true or anything.  theyre just all fun to consider!!

i’m not sure what i think gaster’s role in undertale and deltarune are right now, since deltarune isn’t even a complete game yet. I prefer to embrace a lot of different theories rather than sticking to any specific one so that I don’t find myself disappointed in what ends up being revealed in canon.

honestly one theory i have is that gaster is just a normal guy in deltarune, since it’s an alternate timeline there’s nothing special about him since he never fell into the CORE (which doesn’t even exist in deltarune as far as we know), but i’m not super attached to it.  i would love to see this be a reality though, considering all the hype around the mystery surrounding gaster just because i think it would be sorta funny (but then of course that could be rly anti-climatic so who knows)

but the main theory/headcanon that i often go back to is that he was once relatively normal before he falls into the CORE.  i like to think he was actually a good person overall, and was caring to his co-workers/assistants etc. (especially to sans because i’m always gonna throw some sanster in here) !!

sometimes i also like to think that he, alphys, and sans were a good group of friends that hung out and made dumb science jokes and probably watched anime together a lot (where the poorly-drawn picture of three smiling people from the skelebros’ house comes into play) though i don’t have too many specific headcanons about that.  i do have a h/c fic about alphys and sans recovering after gaster falls into the core but who knows if it will ever see the light of day considering my penchant for leaving things unfinished and unpublished for indefinite periods of time lkasdflsdl 

anyways i think he always had good intentions, but i think his intelligence and thirst for knowledge sometimes got away from him which would lead to him putting himself in sorta dangerous situations.  this would probably worry sans/alphys/his other assistants/co-workers, but no one really knew how to handle it.  he’d be very adamant about never endangering others with his shenanigans, though, or at least he’d try to be.

it’s a slow decline, but i think events reach a sort of peak when he’s driven (by what exactly, i’m not sure) to decide to use himself as a test subject for an experiment with determination/something involving the void or the anomaly. 

from there, the people he works with notice him beginning to act a lot differently; he’s quicker to insult and ridicule those he works with, and he’s more driven than ever to find whatever answers he’s looking for, and stops at nothing to get what he wants.  he’s also more willing to use others for “help” with his experiments as well, which was a big thing he avoided before (sans has probably been manipulated into being used for an experiment at least once since gaster knows how much sans Cares abt him even if he no longer returns the feeling hhhhh).  eventually he’s completely changed; where an accepting, well-meaning person once was, an emotionless, cruel person now stands.  i think it takes a while for those who are close to him (sans especially) to accept that he’s Not Really Himself anymore, too.

obviously eventually this somehow leads to him falling into the CORE.  there are a few ways i figure this could happen:

sans/alphys/gaster’s other “followers” knew how dangerous he was becoming and one of them pushed him

some part of his old self was still conscious within him and he knew how dangerous he had become to the people he cared about and chose to jump in a moment of clear-mindedness (or maybe he’s completely insane and jumped because he thought it would make him all-powerful or somethin idk)

actual freak accident, maybe because of the increasing insanity of his experiments the CORE destabilizes or something and in that whole mess he ends up falling in (would explain why his “followers” are forgotten as well, i.e. multiple people wiped out in an accident)

but yeah!! while he’s technically erased from existence, i hc that sans and maybe also alphys remember him at least a little bit, and the “don’t forget” picture was drawn by one of them (probably sans) soon after the accident in a desperate attempt not to forget him completely.

anyways, those are my thoughts on gaster!  i lied i made this kinda very long cause i got carried away (sry aaaa), but thnx for the ask!!! i’ve been wanting to talk about my gaster theories/headcanons for a while now, haha ^^

[moonbokrk]

MGA Season 5 - Episode 2 Skill Evaluation- Interview Mentioned: @ericxrk, @yuzurk, @danielxrk, @rkmason, @rkyeosang

It’s not too long before Moonbok is called aside by a staff member again, though this time he doesn’t hesitate when he’s called, simply getting up from his seat with a call of acknowledgment. As he follows the staff member down the hall, he idly wonders if this will be a weekly thing, or would these interviews go by the wayside once the group stages started. With Mnet being Ment, he supposes it could go either way.

Sitting down before the camera and interviewer once again, Moonbok smiles and offers a small wave. “Hello~”

“Well done on being considered as one of the top 50 in the competition, Moonbok-ssi. How did you feel about the results from last week?”

They’re going straight for the jugular this week, aren’t they? Sighing a little, Moonbok shrugs and give a slightly sad looking smile. 

“Well, I am glad that I got through, and I’m glad that so many of my friends go through too. We all worked hard.” He pauses, chewing on his lip before continuing. “I was shocked about how many people were eliminated, though. I know as much as anyone that this is a survival show, after all. But I didn’t expect them to cut us down to half in the first episode. I think it’s a shame, though. There were so many talented people that didn’t make it, I hope they don’t get discouraged from their dreams because of it.”

“Im Yoona is your cousin, right? Were you upset when she was eliminated?”

Well, what did they think the answer to that question was?! He’d started crying when the CEOs had bypassed Yoona’s name, and had only cried harder when it had been confirmed that he’d made it. He’d had to be consoled by her and his friends, of course he was upset!

“Yes... I was sad when her name wasn’t called. I thought noona had done such a good job. She’d worked hard, even though she’d never done something like a survival show before. But the judges know what’s best, right? I’m going to work hard for both noona and myself, now. I’ll give her a reason to smile, even if she won’t be here anymore.

“How do you think you did this week? Your song was very passionate, wasn’t it?”

Humming softly to himself, Moonbok leans back in his seat with a thoughtful expression. How had he done, hm? He feels as though he did fine, particularly given the changes he’d made to ‘Til I Die’ for the sake of keeping his performance clean in front of the CEOs and cameras. But he still wonders if he should have done a song that was completely in English.

“I’m satisfied with how I did this week.” He replies after a moment, nodding. “I’m happy that I manged to pull of the speed rapping halfway through without my words tripping over themselves. I still couldn’t to that this time last year. As for it being passionate? Well, I’m glad I managed to give off that impression! Because I honestly do intend on pursuing music until my last day.”

Were there any performances that you liked in particular?

Moonbok laughs in embarrassment, making a face. He knows that he should have expected this question again, given the nature of these interviews. But the fact that his answer would be so similar to last week’s feels a bit anti climatic.

“Well, my top picks would still be Eric Sohn, Choi Yena, Kang Yeosang and Seo Changbin. Though I have to give Eric a special shout out, I’ve never seen someone incorporate gymnastics into dance like that! I still don’t understand why he hasn’t been signed already.”

He pauses and hums again.

“That being said, I seriously enjoyed Daniel’s performance too! I can tell he’s still working on his rapping skills and hope his finds his rhythm and style soon, I think he has a lot of potential. But I really loved the rap he performed, it’s self-written, right?” Moonbok grins. “I know that writing your own raps is so hard, it takes me months! I’d actually love to collab with him sometime, maybe after the competition is over. ...If he’s not too busy with his band or a contract, that is.” He finishes sheepishly.

“I also really liked Romeo- wait, sorry. I really liked Mason’s performance. I’m glad he hasn’t let what happened with CONVEX hold him back and I hope he gets far, he deserves it, not matter what anyone says.” That goes for both netizens and Sphere itself.

Is there anyone you think will be eliminated for sure?

This again? Moonbok has to fight to keep a scowl off his face and his expression neutral. He’s both irritated that Mnet is still pursuing this line of questioning, but there’s also guilt swirling in his stomach. After all, he’d privately answered that Haruto would be eliminated last week, and that had indeed come to past. But he feels it was a wicked thing to have ever thought of in the first place and he can’t help but wonder if Yoona’s elimination was the powers-that-be’s way of punishing him for considering it.

“Like I said last week. That’s up for the judges to decide, not me. I just wonder how many people will be eliminated this week. Given the talent that was shown today, I think it would be a shame if we were halved again. It would be a great loss if that happened.”

The staff member decides to end the interview there, thanking Moonbok for his answers and dismissing him. With a returned ‘thank you,’ he heads back to his seat.

[Word Count: 932]

[radiqueer]

Hey, I have question for you and that is have you ever made a post or know of one where a minor like you outlines the specifics of how we adults are supposed to interact with you (on Tumblr, for example)? I know, you'll probably be thinking: "Just don't be ageist/treat us as equals, duh!" but please hear me out, I'm asking this in good faith. One of my main problems is, for example, that - online culture being dominated by US culture and it's norms - that I will leave myself open to... tbc

Part 2: potentially life-destroying accusations of grooming/pedophilia not from you or other minors who want to interact in good faith, but from adult antis/minor antis who are not acting in good faith but want to get back at me, as soon as I say something they don’t like. I absolutely agree with you that such bad faith behaviour is NOT exclusive to minors but in the current climate - especially here - interacting with minors in fandom leaves one especially vulnerable. I would like to know tbc..

Part 3 (and I forgot sending the last one anonymously, please don’t publish my username) …whether you could accept/understand that some of us feel this need to protect ourselves. I want these conditions to change as much as you do, because I remember what it was like being in your position and I truly hated it, so I want very much to act differently towards minors now that I am an adult. But I really don’t know if I can for the above reason, which is not your fault of course but still… tbc

I have never made an entire post about it, no. I have, however, set clear guidelines in my faq and in interactions with adults on this website. 

honestly? I don’t know. this isn’t how I set boundaries; most of my experience setting boundaries with adults is over discord DMs and moderated servers and I’m exceptionally good at self-moderation, thanks to the adult friends who taught me exactly how to regulate my interactions and modeled various forms of relationship boundaries for me

please note that I use “relationship” as a neutral word - it doesn’t signify anything romantic unless it explicitly talks about a romantic relationship. 

the clearest and most objective set of guidelines I can give you is:

don’t violate DNIs. ever. this is a big one. if you violate a DNI in any way, and it’s always best to interpret DNIs generously, back off at once. block them, just to be safe. do not engage even if they engaged first. if they keep harassing you, block and report. it is not worth your skin, and manipulative antis can and will use your hesitance to block them out of hand as an indication that you are a predator. give them nothing to go on. 

you do not have to read the blog links of every blogger you come across, but if they’re in their bio then it’s best to skim through them at least once. 

for me, personally, I practice intelligent boundary setting, which is a really fancy way of saying “it depends.” if a friend I know and regularly speak to tells me that my fear fetish is showing on one of my posts, that’s different from like, you saying the same thing. which seems obvious, but you’ll be surprised at how many people think boundaries can be objective and set in stone. 

take, for a lighter (hah) example, my eating disorder. [tw eating disorder and weight talk ahead] I have an ED, I don’t really try to hide it. one of my friends is more invested than the rest in making sure I eat more-or-less enough as regularly as possible. she does it because she struggled with food herself and because she knows I’m underweight, and she wants me to be okay. the problem is that there’s only so much advice I can take before I shut down entirely. so we have to navigate that in an intelligent manner - she checks in with me regularly, and in turn I tell her when she’s going too far or stepping too close to a line of conversation which ends in a shutdown. I also make sure to let her know when I need help, and to thank her for her help no matter how many times I get it, and in general I make an effort to be an equal participant in our conversations even when she’s helping me. but there’s other people in my life who I don’t allow to talk to me about food (they violate that boundary constantly, reinforcing my need for it) and that’s bad. so like, I can’t go “adults talking to me about food is Okay” or “adults talking to me about food is Not Okay” because that boundary can and has to be set and reset as the conditions around it change. [end ed tw]

or like, sex. sure, as a minor I can (hypothetically) go “don’t talk to me about sex” but……what is sex? is heavy petting not sex? can my adult friend - lets call them Brianna, she doesn’t exist I made her up for this example - can Brianna not talk to me about the cute guy she flirted with at her college mixer? is it different if Brianna and the cute guy most definitely did not make plans to fuck after the mixer? what is the difference? can Brianna recommend me a song which contains explicit lyrics? what about explicit themes? can Brianna and I talk about #metoo? can we talk about how she’s afraid to walk back her to her dorm room at night because the security guard on her street creeps her out? can Brianna read my explicit fic? can I read Brianna’s? can she recommend it to her friends who don’t know me? 

this is an annoying amount of questions, isn’t it? now you get it. there’s a few more paragraphs where that came from. 

the best way to tackle this is to answer each question as it comes. there’s no need to spend a month hammering out each detail. flag certain subjects - I ask my friends to warn me before showing me explicit images (of the sexual and violent variety) because that boundary is fluid. some of my friends can complain to me that they’ve been horny and some of them refuse to discuss sexuality with me outside of academic contexts because they’re wary of influencing me. and you know what? both of those are fine. both of those are good and normal and they can co-exist. you will never have the same set of boundaries for everybody in your life. that’s just impossible. 

so focus on what you can do. learn to regulate your own boundaries, and know that the first step to teaching others how to set boundaries is to model your own. ask, “is talking about this okay?” when something sensitive comes up. learn to go “let me know if i ever say anything that makes you uncomfortable” - understand that in your bones, if you can. people telling you something makes them uncomfortable when it’d be easier to be silent is how you know you’ve built trust. it’s a compliment. when they let you know, back off and also go “I’m sorry”. maybe let them pick the next topic of conversation, or move onto something else. 

on tumblr, like I said, don’t violate DNIs. read every link available to you if you plan of following that user. don’t reblog posts tagged #dont reblog. some people (like me) prefer to interact largely over anon, and some people have different needs. it isn’t your job to parse that. communication is a two-way street. try not to say creepy things (”is it something I would say to someone on the street? did they ask their followers to send them things like this?” no and no? don’t say it)

if you’re an adult with “minors dni” in your bio and you’re going to interact with minors off anon, that’s generally a rather bad move. some may take offense - some may not, but it’s a toss-up you don’t want.

let me know if this helps! 

[sian265]

Legio autem Arcarius Legion of Archer Chapter 13

The party was in full swing, Magnus having made all his rounds and greeted all his guests, was now settled in with a drink and surrounded by his closest friends. Alec took this opportunity to make his rounds of his Legion and check in with the Shadowhunters on duty. He left Izzy and Clary in the group around Magnus and spoke with Jace first. Taking the stares down, Alec found the Shadowhunter pacing, glamored, near the front of the building.

 “Anything?” he asked.

 Jace stopped twirling his stele and moved to stand next to Alec. “No, nothing. I think everyone who is coming has arrived, the last guest was about a half hour ago.”

 Alec patted Jace on the shoulder. “Okay, stay sharp.” He ordered before turning back to the entrance. He waved a hand at Jace’s parting, “Always.”

 Entering the apartment, Alec caught Underhill’s eye and nodded his head for his second to join him. Once the other man stood next to him, Alec swept his eyes over the party-goers. “Anything from our archers?”

 Andrew also watched the colorful attired guests. “No, it’s quiet, too quiet if you ask me.”

 Alec frowned, taking in the mingling guest, he swept his gaze around the room. No one had raised any internal alarms and Magnus hadn’t felt anything off with any of his guests. He observed that windbag Rey as his female guest rejoined him. Lorenzo handed her a drink and nodded at something she said, both looking towards Magnus. He watched as Rey lead her over to the group Magnus stood in and they exchanged some words before Magnus held out a hand to the female. The pair then turned towards where Alec and Andrew stood. They moved to stand aside as the pair made for the front door.

 “Commander, it was a pleasure meeting you. However my companion is not feeling well so we are going to depart.” Rey handed off their drinks to a server and held out a now free hand to Alec.

 “I am sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.” He shook the hand Rey offered and addressed the female Warlock, what was her name? Alec couldn’t recall, but she seemed timid and hadn’t said much earlier when they had been introduced.

 She must have seen that on Alec’s face because she replied with a hint of offense. “Shinyun Jung.”

 Alec bowed his head briefly in apology. “Of course, Ms. Jung, I do hope you feel better soon and it was a pleasure to meet you.” Alec might hate small talk, parties, and false platitudes, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t good at them. He got barely a curl of a lip in response before she and Rey departed. Shrugging his shoulders at Underhill, Alec went to rejoin Magnus.

 When he returned to Magnus’ side, Cat was telling a funny story about Peru and a monkey, that Magnus was trying to shush her over, but the guests around them were laughing so hard they were in tears. Magnus wore a pout which Alec thought was adorable.

 “Catarina I don’t know why I call you my friend.” Magnus scowled the nurse.

 Cat just raised a brow, daring Magnus to dispute her tale and when he only pouted more, she finally laughed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Alec could honestly say the rest of the evening was bearable. Oh he didn’t let his guard down, but when he did mingle with Magnus by his side, he enjoyed himself.

 Alec was surprised how many introduced themselves and remarked that they had the pleasure of either seeing the Legion or had been on the end of their efforts. He got many a heartfelt thanks and Alec made mental note of each and every one. Very seldom did they get to stick around for thanks, or even to meet those who they had a hand in saving. He wanted to make sure and tell all his archers their stories and their thanks. It made what they did meaningful.

 By the time the party wound down, Alec was exhausted. Only friends and family remained, Cat ad Magnus spread out on the sofa, Izzy and Clary both in chairs with their shoes removed, and Jace sat at the foot of Clary’s chair rubbing his girlfriend’s tired feet. Izzy got a scowl when she stated that she was next for a foot rub. Alec stood by the balcony with Underhill, finishing up a briefing of the night, sharing their observations, and giving orders for the overnight shift. In the background were the sounds of the hired staff cleaning up and departing.

 Alec gave Andrew his final orders and moved along the back of the sofa where Magnus lay. He ran a hand gently through Magnus’ hair, messing up the carefully styled strands. When the other man looked up at him, Alec leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, earning himself a sleepy smile in return. “Hey, once the cleaning crew leaves can you reactivate your wards for me?”

 “Absolutely, darling.” Magnus replied, earning himself a bit of a flush along Alec’s high cheekbones.

 Once everyone except for the Legion had gone home, Magnus shut the door behind the last of the crew and with a flourish of his hands, reactivated his wards. Turning to Alec he offered a nightcap which Alec gladly accepted. They moved out onto the balcony with their drinks. The night sounds of the city and their own silence were strangely comforting. After a couple of minutes Magnus broke the quite. “Is it wrong that tonight felt anti-climatic?”

 Alec shook his head. “No not at all. They would have been fools to attack with all our security tonight.”

 Magnus observed Alec’s features for several seconds. “But you still have a feeling?” he asked.

 “I can’t explain it, but yea my thoughts have been uneasy all day.” Alec turned his body towards Magnus. “How’d you know?” At Magnus’ blank look, Alec elaborated. “That I felt uneasy all day, how’d you know?”

 Magnus smiled at first a little sadly. “Perhaps because I too have felt like we are playing their game?” Letting out a sigh and giving himself a small shake to banish the gloom, he gave Alec a little happier smile. “Or it could be that I am figuring you out, Commander Lightwood.”

 “And once you have me all figured out, what then?” Alec asked, turning serious and unsure.

 Magnus frowned. “What do you mean, Alexander?”

 Alec cleared his throat and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I mean – uhm – what happens when all this is over and we are back in Idris, what happens with this-?“ he waved a hand, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “What happens with us, Magnus?”

 Magnus’ smile was gentle. He often forgot with how confident Alec appeared that his Commander was a babe in the woods when it came to relationships. He watched him for years always keeping an eagle eye on any who approached the handsome archer. Oh Magnus was a stalker, well not much anyway. He could admit to himself and perhaps also now to Alec himself that he had been captivated with the Commander for a number of years, since the archer came of age. Reaching out, Magnus ran a soft finger across the flush that rode high across Alec’s cheeks. His voice when it came was almost filled with awe as he opened his heart completed for the first time in over a century.

 “I’ve watched you grow into this stunning, commanding man, standing in front of me. I’ve waited for the chance to show you what else this world offers beside duty. Oh Alexander, I haven’t even begun to court you and I hope to show you all that we can become, together.” Magnus watched Alec’s eyes carefully as he spoke, pouring his heart out and seeing the answer in those amazing hazel eyes before the archer even opened his mouth.

 The small pleased smile of Alec’s lips was precious and Magnus could not resist reaching up, a hand behind Alec’s head to draw him down into a deep passionate kiss. Finally, pulling away with a gasp of breath and a laugh, Alec’s now swollen lips stretched into a wide smile. “Well that’s good then, we’re on the same page.” Magnus could only laugh at the Commander’s usual way of expressing personal feelings.

 After the long night they all had, everyone except the Legion on duty slept in the next morning. Finally, dragging himself out of the bed, Alec stumbled into the living room . There he found Magnus sprawled out in a chair, wearing black silk pajama bottoms and a black silk robe. Speech deserted Alec for several moments as he stood there, mostly asleep, mouth hanging open. Magnus waved a hand in greeting and indicated the cup of coffee that awaited Alec on the table. He gratefully headed for that, spying his second sprawled out on the sofa also nursing the necessary brew. Alec squinted at the bright sunlight coming through the balcony doors, he’s slept late according the sun. It took half the cup drowned before he could clear his throat enough to speak.

 Alec moved back towards Magnus. “Morning,” he said, voice gruff and scratchy.

 Magnus looked like a big lazy cat as he replied, “Morning to you also, Alexander.”

 His eyes could not help but fall to the gaping robe as Magnus stretched, revealing several inches of honey-colored skin. Alec felt weird. He would swear that his head was swimming. He stumbled a little as he tried to move closer to where Magnus sat. He was having trouble focusing, Magnus’ image dancing around his eyes. Alec’s tongue felt swollen in his mouth as he tried to say, “M- Magnus.” He took another stumbling step forward. Alec didn’t notice the cup falling from his limp fingers, coffee staining the rug.

 His eyes unwilling became fixed as if in slow motion watching the cup slip from Magnus’ fingers also falling to the floor. Alec did not register the hard impact his knees made as he fell to the floor. He was sure he said Magnus once more. He began to crawl, fingers outreached, and trying desperately to reach Magnus. Alec’s cheek rested against something soft, and his fingers were clenched tightly it something cool and silky to the touch. He tightened his grip on the leg of Magnus’ pants. He blinked and all Alec could see was moving shapes, in white. It was everywhere, all around him, a sea of white.

 Something tugged at him harshly, pulling, trying to rip something away from him, something he did not want to let go of. Alec fought, he felt he was fighting, knew he would. Then it was ripped away and Alec felt pain, his fingers trying to curl, the harsh bite of pain making him moan. Then Alec knew only darkness.

 The shaking and voices were so loud. Alec groaned and tried to get away from them, but they wouldn’t leave him alone. The shaking of his body got more insistent and when he attempted to move away from it, Alec cried out in pain and automatically cradled his injured hand. It all came back in fast flashes of black and white, the black of Magnus’ clothes, and the white of the robes that carried him away from Alec. He shot up with a cry, MAGNUS!

 He looked around at the faces staring at him in shock and worry. Alec held his mangled hand tighter against his chest. Andrew moved into his line of sight and Alec searched his face, which bore the same paleness and anger that Alec’s own did. “Where is he?” Alec demanded.

 Underhill shook his head before answering, and Alec already knew what he was going to tell him. “He’s gone, Alec. They took him.”

  TBC…

[whenjoshisjoseph]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki

Read below the cut, if you're good with an unitalicised version... Otherwise, click the link!

Also please don't die, I'm so sorry, I've never written angst

15:00, three hours after

Izuku is smiling.

It’s ironic, really; the tears don’t stop, but neither does his expression falter. The corners of his mouth are titled up, yes, he’s smiling, but he tastes salt, too, bitter against his tongue.

Bitterer still is the feel of the words in his mouth.

“I am honoured to accept the position,” he repeats. “Honoured, thank you. It is such an honour, I cannot express my gratitude. Many thanks-”

He’s a broken record, the lines he should say stuck in his throat, the emotion he should have numb in his chest. For all his morbid imaginings, he never thought it would end so...anti-climatically. So ordinarily. The role is passed on from one person to the next, as uneventfully as it should be. Izuku has received a promotion, and that is it.

12:00, one day after

He keeps staring at the phone.

Izuku can just about see the nondescript object if he peeks over the stack of paperwork. A slight exaggeration, perhaps, but the workload is heavy nonetheless. Time doesn’t stop for Izuku, wouldn’t have stopped even if he’d taken the week they’d offered to him to ‘process things’. But what is there to process?

He’s gotten a promotion; it’s nothing special.

Izuku needs to get on with it.

00:00, two days after

The noise is abhorrent, unbearable, but he screams again, choked and breathless and not quite reaching the level he needs it to reach. He needs to get it out of him, away from him, and he needs the images burnt from his mind. God, but he gets no reprise even as he sleeps, even as he tries to, even as...he…

Izuku is so incredibly tired. And he has work the next day. His job, the new one, the promotion, the job that he is wholeheartedly grateful for.

00:07, two days after

He hates the job. He should resign.

00:11, two days after

But Izuku can’t. He can’t, because of the promise. He cannot step away from what he does not want to bear alone, because of a stupid piece of paper and the memory of hands gripping his shoulders and insisting Izuku promised.

He should’ve told him then and there.

He didn’t.

And he can’t, not anymore.

11:00, four days after

The leather is uncomfortably cold, and Izuku shivers despites himself. Light filters in from the window, hitting the furniture at every angle but a one that would brighten up Izuku’s immediate vicinity. It’s fitting, that it also leaves the crumpled tissues and smashed glass in shadow, doesn’t venture near the small cuts on Izuku’s hands where it pierced his skin.

He doesn’t feel the pain, not really - nothing overshadows the numbness spreading throughout his blood. Izuku doesn’t hurt, Izuku doesn’t hurt, Izuku doesn’t feel.

Izuku doesn’t want to, and so he won’t.

Will he?

02:49, eight days after

“Roses are fuck all compared to you,” the blonde shouts in the background of the video, Kirishima gleefully zooming in on Izuku’s flustered look as the compliment sinks in. That had been taken...three months ago? Four? And of course, it had been funny, at the time, but the video doesn’t look quite the same when Izuku watches with blurry eyes, impulsively clicking on ‘replay’ when the clip ends. Tears make for a comforting filter, he thinks. He doesn’t have to see it properly, this way. It’s better.

Though, no, it’s not better, that’s a lie, but it’s something, and when they told him it was obligatory that he take the week off work that he initially hadn’t, they also mentioned that it would help to do something with the time, and so he does, he does do something. See? He’s not sleeping, sleeping is a waste of time, he’s doing something!

And he...how many days has it been? Izuku...Izuku doesn’t know, but that’s okay, that’s perfect, because he doesn’t need to know how many days it’s been since he shattered the rose vase with his bare hands. The wilted roses are still lying there, petals strewn across pieces of shattered glass.

They’re mocking him, the roses are mocking him, he hates the roses, he can’t-

He can’t touch-

“Roses are fuck all compared to you.”

Izuku’s eyes are glued to the screen again.

14:51, eleven days after

The phone terrifies him. The last time he picked up the...the thing, it gave him a promotion. He doesn’t need anything else, thank you, he just wants to be left alone.

But Uraraka and Kirishima seem...they seem unhappy, disappointed. Why are they so upset? Izuku is protecting himself, Izuku needs to protect himself if he’s going to save everyone with a smile, so what’s the matter?

“Mido, I-” Uraraka is holding his shoulders. The same way...the same way Kacchan was holding his shoulders, that day.

Kacchan, Kacchan, Kacchan...it’s not Kacchan anymore. It was Bakugou Katsuki, the blonde’s name was, and he needs to give it up. But he’s Deku, he’s useless, because Kacchan always said so himself. Deku can’t do anything right, even Bakugou Katsuki knew that. Kacchan, Kacchan, Kac-

“Midoriya, please,” she pleads, and shakes his shoulders this time. Bakugou Katsuki shook his shoulders like that, she can’t do it too, it’s not right, he-

He flinches away violently, and so does she, and it’s when she flinches that Midoriya Izuku finally, finally wakes up from his stupor.

“We called you forty times, Mido,” she whispers shakily, and both she and Kirishima open their ams.

Izuku collapses.

18:13, twelve days after

“And this is the document?” Mina asks, holding it gingerly in her hands. Izuku is glad that she can appreciate its importance, and manages a weak smile.

He’s smiling, now. The last time he’d smiled, he’d been…

Well, this time, it’s sincere, and, as stupidly insignificant as it may appear, Izuku knows that he’s in good hands.

Mina doesn’t smile. Neither does Kirishima or Kaminari. It would the four of them, usually, smiling and driving Kacchan up the wall with it, but it’s only Izuku this time who still plasters it on his face. And he realised that they’ve been through this too, but half in the dark in a way which Izuku wasn’t, and he feels so horribly selfish for losing control when he should’ve been the one to tell them the full story.

“Kacchan was adamant that I take the role of offensive squad leader if he-if he didn’t…” Izuku finishes quietly. “If he were not to survive.”

A pregnant pause.

Followed by:

“Fuck!” Kaminari exclaims, and the other three jump. “I just- shit, it’s just...it’s unfair. We, we lost communication with him two months ago, scoured the whole of Japan for him, underworld included, and all we get in the end is word that he-he...we don’t even get his body!”

Kaminari’s voice breaks on the last word, and it’s as if the floodgates have been unleashed because they’re weeping then, huddled together as they mourn after what has been cruelly ripped from their very beings - they have lost a part of themselves, the part that belonged to him.

It’s almost two weeks after Izuku gets the call that he begins to comprehend it.

His smile is gone.

22:25, a fortnight after the death of Bakugou Katsuki

“Believe me,” Kirishima begs.

“I can’t,” Izuku gasps out as the sobs wrack his body, the hands that wipe at his eyes unsteady. He tries in vain to get a grip on himself as Kirishima continues, clutching at the edge of the desk.

“I swear to you, he loved you, Midoriya, he loved you like he loved no one else.”

On the table is a photo of a three year old Kacchan holding up a sleeping Izuku protectively. Little Kacchan's face tells Izuku that of course it's true, Kirishima wouldn't lie like this. Kacchan loved you.

“I,” Izuku can hardly get a word out. “I love him too. Love, present, because I still do, even though…even though-”

He’d never told Kacchan anything of the sort. His last words to him had been to “stop freaking out, because you're coming right back, understand? The world needs a hero like you.”

“Yeah, whatever, Deku; the world needs us both,” he'd grinned, knocking a shoulder against the green-haired boy’s until Izuku had giggled. The seriousness from the day before when he'd made Izuku promise to take over if anything happened was gone.

Then, sparing one more glance at Izuku, he ran off in his costume, sunlight framing his retreating figure in a way that made Izuku think that maybe once his Kacchan was back, he'd tell him that he was in love with him.

But he's dead. His Kacchan is dead, the one person who he cared for more than life itself gone. Never again will his Kacchan reply to him. The world has lost a blinding, irreplaceable light.

Kirishima makes a move to comfort him as Izuku grieves, when the phone rings. And they know now, of his irrational fear, all of his friends do. The others have taken it on themselves to answer calls and relay messages until he makes enough progress with a therapist Uraraka recommended him to (they- they aren't getting far enough fast enough, he needs to-), and so Kirishima reaches for the phone, but Izuku snaps out a hand to stop him.

“I-”

“If you're sure.”

“Mhmm.” He doesn't trust his voice enough to say yes plain and simple, but Kirishima allows him to take the phone.

He holds it up to his ear.

Breathes in.

“H-hello? Pro H-hero Deku speaki-speaking?”

Breathes out.

And then he can't breathe, he cannot, he, oh God, he-

On the other end of the line, Bakugou Katsuki implores, voice ragged and torn:

“Deku! Deku, fuck, please, save me, they'll fucking kill me, they'll- shit, I'm going to d-”

And the line goes dead.

[dyingunknown-blog]

BEGINNINGS + GENDER

As said in the introduction: this is a selfish blog where I rant about myself and my feelings. Here goes my first ramble. Within this ramble contains bits of: gender, femininity,  sexuality and eating disorders. Y’know, the usual mix of edgy Tumblr content. I am posting this in celebration of Pride Month (!!! YAY!!! I HONESTLY LOVE PRIDE MONTH) but also because I’ve had this build up in my heart for too long. 

A NOTE BEFORE I BEGIN...

I know you (reader) cannot hear me doing this, so imagine me (author) taking a deep breath, filling my semi spacious lungs, and releasing all that pent up air with a heavy sigh. 

Here we fucking go. Here’s to tip of the iceberg, from 4 years of pent up gay shit to recent moments of gentle gender dysmorphia. Do not expect my writing to be fully coherent, nor written in the best grammar. I am writing for my own therapeutic needs, because I gotta get some of this energy released and I have nowhere else to dump this. This piece is a full on rant, as in I literally wrote this angrily tapping away at 2-4 am. However, I’d like to mention that I mean no offence to any parties, and simply want to vent out some of the deep thoughts I’ve been pacing around for the past few years. Feel free to send me a message regarding your personal feelings, or to just chat. I’m always here as a friend and listener <3 

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN...

I think I owe myself and you (reader) an explanation on where things began to really start. The main “spark” that got me going and prompted me to start this blog was when I found myself unable to stop playing songs by Dorian Electra. Actually-- to be honest-- it was the music videos that really got me going. The glorious explosion of just “QUEER” screaming and banging its head at my 13 inch Mac Book Pro got me extremely inspired to actually do something about the gross reactions of confusion that were occurring in my brain and body. As Dorian Electra put it, “You know I’m not straight, but I’m gonna give it straight to you.” So here’s my best shot at “giving it straight.” 

By the way... I’m from a fairly traditional family with high hopes for me, so the most freedom I can really grasp onto is starting an anonymous Tumblr blog at 2 am laying naked with just my underwear on. 

PERSONAL TOPIC 1: GENDER...

So here’s the thing, I stick to my biological birth gender like it’s my lifeline-- my comfort zone-- I guess, if anything. I personally feel like gender and sexuality have their own little symbiotic (or perhaps parasitic???) relationship, where one’s gender impacts their sexuality-- but I can also accept that my understanding is probably not politically correct. I can say, however, with a heavy heart: 

I am utterly fucked when I think about my gender and sexuality. 

I’ll take it easy first and rope down my feelings towards my gender and its definition. I jokingly scream in the halls that gender is a social construct, but let’s be honest-- is it not?  Other than our dongle-longs and hoochie-has, what makes a woman different from a man? I mean maybe it is just the sausage and the grapefruit, but I’d like to argue that... Just kidding, the more I think about it the more I fall into a rabbit hole where I can’t figure out what a male is and what a female is. I mean what are they? Is it based off of the definition I provide for myself, or what society conveniently slams into my face? Is the LGBTQ+ community the people who get to decide or is it the Westboro Baptist Church??? 

Note: these are not a rhetorical question, please answer this to your opinion because I’m in desperate need of some kind of direction beyond biology. I accept all ideologies and concepts. I’m just hella confused. 

Ehem.

Anyways, my own battle with gender goes beyond not knowing where the “line” is, or if it even exists (again, I’m still not sure if this is a personal question or something based on society...) It also goes into where I stand on this polarised scale. See-- I have a bean, a hole, and melons. Alas, in slightly more proper terms, I have a clitoris, vagina and breasts. So what does that mean for me? Am I automatically a woman? For the first 17 years of my life, I would respond to that question with a VERY confident nod. Pink was once my favourite colour, I like boys, dresses, cute animals and romcoms. My physical body only went to assure what I already knew. Now? I’m not so sure. As it is more acceptable nowadays to be “queer,” I’ve slid into the an identity crisis where I realise I’ve never revelled in the fact that I had tiddies, nor felt comfortable about having a coochie. I used to blame my confusion regarding my comfort in my biological gender on the growing queer influences in my life-- after all, everyone wants to be special and sometimes being apart of the LGBTQ+ community is the best way to stand out, especially when it’s being shoved in your face with media. Everyone who comes out of the closet is faced with incredible amounts of love and attention, and my younger self thought “maybe I should get on the boat” hence, labelling myself as bisexual for the longest time without truly feeling like I am (until in recent years.)  I blamed my confusion in identity and sexuality on the attention whore who lived inside of my heart. My feelings were only justified as true this year, when I found myself staring at myself in the mirror and couldn’t help but to feel unhappy with what I presented myself with. Undies clad with a slightly cropped black muscle tank, I could see the linings of a “V” line on my lower abdomen and felt kinda hot about it. I did the annoying fuckboy pose (you know, the one where the guy is biting his shirt to reveal his oh-so-humble six pack) and found it... kinda fun? I did have a 36D underboob flail around, but my focus was more on my bottom half, with my Victoria Secret blue lace underwear and masculine illusion.  It wasn’t like a grand glorious moment, nor was it like I was the tomboy of the house and everyone just “knew” and I only had to convince myself. Instead, it was an anti-climatic moment where I realised “fuck, I have another problem on my hands that I can’t ignore anymore.” 

I don’t know if I truly identify as female or male. Honestly, I don’t really think I need to identify myself, but that’s the 30% of my consciousness who is super queer, chill and cool. See, the other 70% of my mind is going in a frenzy screaming, because I just lost one of my key defining attributes. Think that episode of Spongebob, where Spongebob’s brain cells are screaming and throwing papers around the office setting of his brain.

Another question has also become increasingly relevant in my journey of finding my “true inner zen self.” 

Who am I choosing my gender for?

In 2018, and most of the years before, I adored being loved by boys and having guys waggle their dicks like dog tails for my tits and ass, but in 2019, I randomly figured out that I never liked my boobs for anything but that. I mean having an hourglass figure was always (and still is) a goal of mine, but I question for what reason. I’d like to say it’s for personal aesthetic appeal, but it wouldn’t be surprising to me if I just do it so people will like me more. In fact, I battled with bulimia for the very reason of: I don’t know what the fuck I want or like, but  the crowd likes “skinny thick” girls so lets do that by purging. Am I currently wearing a waist trainer and corset on top of each other because I like the outcome, or because the people around me like me more for it? I’m trying really hard not to segue into the alluring topic of toxic femininity, because I can rant for HOURS AND PAGES about that, so I’ll just say: I don’t know if I’m being a girl for myself or because I’ll be more liked for it. 

In all honesty, the truth regarding my gender became clearer the more I self conscious I became. In 2018, I fell into the trap of sending boys nudes (apologies for the TMI and sorry family if you somehow came across my blog and are currently reading this.)  I liked it for a millisecond. Why? Because it felt good to have someone desperate for me. That millisecond died off real fast. My own thoughts pooped my nude Alpha Female party with insecurity and fear of how my body compares to other girls my age. Three days after the first nude I sent I realised I hate my body. I felt empowered in the moment (honestly I do love the feeling of tease. I still do send ohohoho raunchy pics for the pure euphoria of just having someone crave me) but overall just left the experience with lingering guilt and self hatred. I wasn’t sure if I was doing this to please myself or others. I also abhor taking nudes, because I do not think I embody femininity and dislike my body for that very reason. Identifying as male makes me far more comfortable than as identifying as a female. I might have tits, I might have soft facial features, but I just don’t like how I mentally feel like I can’t compare to the unrealistic standard of femininity that women uphold. I spent my whole life trying to  tick the boxes under “female,” but always felt like I was just doing the bare minimum... Hence my past is full of desperation, the need to show skin for the sake of proving I’m “sexy” and being perfectly fine with getting mislabeled as a slut at school. Nowadays, I show skin because I’m comfortable and am learning to love my body. I am not okay with slut shaming in general, but I am most definitely not okay with being called a slut either because I’m still a fucking virgin. So hun, I really do wish I could call myself a slut and have that much game, but I’m very far from that.

Anyways, uh more on my gender crisis:  I’ve also always adored mens fashion and absolutely revel the aura of being the “alpha.” Ever since my middle school days, I’d secretly snoop around and envy the men’s section of Barney’s and Saks, because it just looks so damn cool. Excuse my lack of “high quality language,” I can hear my English teacher sighing about my lack of “professional” or “appropriate” language, but I really can’t express my feelings regarding mens fashion other than it’s fucking cool. I must say though, my style of clothing and expression of self doesn’t stop itself at mens fashion. In fact, I enjoy dressing to exhort a more dominant presence, whether it’s with a short denim skirt and tight crop top or a loose fitting silk blouse and skinny jeans with a belt. So I guess in a way, my fashion and what I feel comfortable in explains my gender for me. A little bit of both and a little bit of neither. Although the next step would definitely be playing around with my hair and piercing, but I think my traditional family would whoop my ass to the moon if I do it now, and I can’t say I’m not scared of regrets. I just want to discover myself a little more this year...

Regardless, I just wanna further clarify that I don’t feel comfortable being put as female, male or hell-- even androgynous.

And I gotta say, after holding this in and denying it for 4 years, it feels damn good to type it out and admit it.

 In deciding to be a “gender”, there are standards. Deciding to be anything comes with the price of standards. I just can’t personally handle not being able to fit into the standards there are for them... Especially now since people are so bothered on being politically correct, so if I’m “not being properly androgynous” or “not properly female,” I’ll get shit on, and if I’m not accepted by the mass majority, I’ll feel societal hate mixed with self hatred. 

I also want to say that sometimes I don’t feel like I have the right to be confused or declare a gender because I’ve been on the judgemental side before. 

In middle school one of my close friends moved away, and soon later began to label themselves as gender fluid. It was such a new concept that I initially thought that they were doing it as a publicity stunt, but slowly realised that it is indeed who they are. I wasn’t hateful, but I can’t say I’m innocent, even if it was when I was far younger and less understanding. I remember when they first started using their current pronouns, I was confused on how to utilise them and initially disregarded them. Today, I regret my ignorance. Misgendering can always be a mistake, but it can also be extremely spoiled, belittling and condescending. So even though I know someone that probably went through a similar journey as I am today, I feel guilty asking them about it because of the shit I gave them when I was 14.

 Additionally, I’m scared of being wrong about myself. I can’t describe it too well, but I’m just scared that I’ll slip up a wrong opinion and then be automatically thrown into the can of “special snowflake wannabe LGBTQ+” when in reality: I truly feel like I’m not of “cisgender” or anything normal. I don’t want to dip too deep into my history with crippling anxiety and experiences with depression, but I will say that I can’t help but to hate myself for being queer too.. Alas, I’ll have to learn how to get over that and continue loving myself, but what the hell am I going to do now? 2k words later and things aren’t exactly clearer, but I can (somewhat) confidently say that I know what I’ll do (for now.) 

As of today, June 17, 2019, I have decided to not give a fuck and to simply just identify with the LGBTQ+ community. I don’t feel comfortable identifying as male, female, neither, both, gender fluid, or anything else. I will simply put off gender and let people call me by whatever pronoun they want.

I just wanna be me. 

Until I find out something else, or become more comfortable with myself, or gather the confidence to “come out of the closet” and stop being so selfish and finally decide what the hell I am, it’ll probably just be like this for awhile.

And honestly? I think I’m okay with that.

[thegreymoon]

Sorry, You didn't really say or do anything to make me think that you are Asian. I thought that I read sth in your lj where u said that you were and just run with it. It was a long time ago and I must have misread. Also, you don't really post a lot political stuff, it is more like I notice it more because when I visit your page I skip all Merlin related stuff and am interested in the rest so again my fault. As for my ise of imaginary- yeah, it was passive agressive, altough not intentionally so

… my bad. I rarely engage in political conversations online because it never ends well, especially when my views clash with 90% of tumblr users so I am used to combative tone and it was unnecessary.. As for SJW I am not sure if that is dissmissive term as it discribes the “movement” well? I am not native speaker and am aware that it can be used as derogative term, but was also convinced that it is used by people on the left if political spectrum. I asked you why you are mainy interesetd in USA because I was working under the assumption that u are Asian it seemed to me weird that a person coming from China/Japan etc would be championing social justice in USA when it not that big of a problem(or at all IMO) whie ignoring very real problems in their own country. But since you are not Asian and you post political stuff rarely you are right it is a silly discussion. The fault is completely on my side. I am allergic to these kind of stuff and you are one of my favourite writers so I exaggerated. Once again sorry.

As for the rest of your response: I also come from relatively poor country that was screwed over by both Britain and USA and many other countries, and I don’t agree with many of their policies (or most) but I don’t hate them and believe that as much as people like to say they start wars for the oil etc it is not really true. There are many political and global players and everyone single country is motivated by greed it is only that not every country can exercise their power.  

Relatively they are not the worst, it is just that since USA tries to paint themselves as heroes they are held to different, much higher standards than other countries. To sum it up, I am not defending their foreign policies, they have done a lot of wrong and are shortseighted but I still think that are better than other superpowers that will soon take over like China or maybe India. Also, I don;t understand why would you include global warming in your answer?why do you believe it is their fault

I am trying to leave as “green” as I can, I am a vegetarian and I believe we should do everything to preserve environment, but I wouldnt want my country to sign any deals concerning CO2 emission as long as other countries do not do the same. Otherwise, they would just cripple their economy and not help the world? As for Trump(if you are still interested) I find him the epitome of self-important, conceited stereotypical american but still so much better than alternative and despite distaste. would still vote for him. Because he at least apppears to be anti globalist and has a much higher moral ground than Hillary. what are his SPECIFIC actions that you find so abhorrent? Anyway, what I alluded to in my message was not politics of USA but the social justcie issues, like support BLM or me to movement(I am not sure if you posted enything regarding that, so srry if I presume wrongly) which I find are absolutely not based on facts and despite that people still perpetuate that, and if u don’t agree you are racist and sexist. No arguments whatsoever. It is also silly to me when I see the posts about the West being this cesspool of sexism while honour killings or FGM is nearly a non issue on social media or racism when considering the West is still the least racist place in the world when you compare it to China/India/SA or any other place. So, I find the social media effort to be misdirected and controlled by emotions. Even the indigineous people issued you mentioned. Americans get so much shit for their history, while pretty much every single country that exist was created by conquering or displacement of the previous population(u just have to go far enough down the history). So, yeah wht happend to Indigenous people and dissappearance of their whole civilization is a great tragedy but not the first and unfortunately not the last in human history. Why are we hearing about it but not about Anuit people or Persian or Byzantians? it is so imbalanced. Ok, anyway, sorry for the rant it shouldn’t be directed at you and tumblr is definitely not the place for it. Sorry if I offended to you. As I said I love your writing, “DC” is my all time favourite fic, and because I creepely once read through all of your lj(including asks and responses) I(like an internet creep and stalker)liked you and thought you seemed smart, well balanced and knowledgeable so I guess I felt entitled to to make the ask. Wish you all the best in life. 

No worries, I’m sorry I came off so aggressive in my answer. I did actually live and work in China for a while during my LJ days and it’s entirely possible I may have tagged myself as being there on my fandom profiles at the time. It was a happy period for me and I talked about it a lot to anyone who had the patience to listen, so it’s very plausible that you have read something about it on my LJ! I’m very sorry if it was misleading, but I was only ever an expat there!

I used to be a lot more open about my real name and real-life dealings in fandom communities, but that almost backfired spectacularly, so I locked down a lot of stuff because it could do me quite a bit of damage. 

OK, I concede your point that if you remove the Merlin stuff, a lot of what is left on my Tumblr is going to be either me reblogging cats or raging about social injustices (oops) 😅

I’d just like to make it clear that I absolutely do not hate either the USA, the UK or any other country in the world. Like I said, people are people, and disgusting policies are disgusting policies and every single country is guilty of them. It’s just that some have a bigger impact and are more visible. My own country is a source of so much shame and anger for me, it far outweighs anything the UK and the USA could have ever done because it’s personal, but our nonsense is just not something that I come across when casually scrolling through Tumblr, so I don’t reblog it. It’s possible to love a nation and its people and still be critical of the evil they have done. 

Also, let me just clarify that I’m bothered by all injustices and human rights violations everywhere, but usually there isn’t a post about them when I’m scrolling at 2 am at night that I can reblog. The USA is just… low hanging fruit, and let’s face it, from where I stand, hating on their president, the white supremacists, the Nazis, fundamental Christians, racists and the Republicans in general after what they have turned into is not hating on the USA, but rather cheering on the sane part of the country to get rid of this toxic waste ASAP. The same goes for Brexiteers in the UK and I am so, so sad for all the people that are going to suffer because of it. 

Of course, I’m aware that China and Japan have issues and human rights violations that are mind-boggling, but again, they just don’t appear on my dash very often, or at least not in English or from a source I can easily fact-check. The Japanese and Chinese stuff I follow is mostly art, nature and pictures of pretty clothes. My knowledge of either of these countries is very superficial compared to Western countries, which impact me directly, so it really isn’t my place to appoint myself as a champion of human rights in the Far East when my own country and continent are a growing dumpster fire that cannot be contained.  

On the subject of global warming, I’m not blaming the USA (entirely, because they, of course, played their part, but so did the rest of humanity). I’m enraged by their governing body’s rhetoric as of late, the denial of climate change, every single action that Trump took since taking office (such as withdrawing from the Paris climate agreement), him making ignorant, snide remarks in the middle of the polar vortex just days ago while people were suffering, deliberately sabotaging scientists and spreading dangerous, false information when each and every single country should be all-hands-on-deck if we want to avert a disaster of global proportions (especially with all the signs pointing to us being too late already). Nobody is suggesting that the USA should unilaterally reduce carbon emissions, all countries in the world must do it and develop the technology to make it feasible to convert to clean energy. And yes, the USA, China and other giants have to lead the way because they are the ones with the power! My poor, tiny country is not the one that can impact anything, so yes, the USA is absolutely more responsible to lead the way forward, but instead of at least moving in the right direction, Trump is deliberately lying and sabotaging all effort because he likes the money he gets from Big Oil companies, and he’s giving a platform to religious nutcases for votes, who think that there won’t be a global disaster of epic proportions in the near future because God promised Noah he would never again flood the entire Earth in the Old Testament. It’s not even the outright evil that is bothering me the most right now, but the mind-numbing stupidity. 

I have nothing but loathing for both of the Clintons. They have caused so much destruction in my country and I do not want good things for either of them, ever. I will never pretend that Hillary Clinton is anything even resembling a good person because you do not reach that level of power by having a conscience, but at the very least, she is not a rapist and paedophile that the general public knows of (which is more than we can say for her husband, btw). Trump has no moral high ground whatsoever, IMO. He has done everything imaginable, from scamming charities (this was proven in court) to raping minors (see Epstein). He has no redeemable human characteristics and is not even intelligent enough to pretend that he does, which is at least one thing that Hillary has going for her. I’m not going to sit here and list all the reasons why Trump is abhorrent because a) it cannot fit in a Tumblr post b) I would be sitting here for years. 

I will also not engage in discussion about whether or not BLM is a valid movement, ever. I don’t understand what you mean when you say it isn’t based on ‘facts’. Which, facts are in doubt, exactly? It’s based on multigenerational, still ongoing trauma and persecution of an entire race of people! I’m neither black nor an American, but I believe African-American people when they talk about the terror they experience on a daily basis in their own country. I have eyes and I have ears, I know plenty of white people and have insight into how they think because I too am white and have been raised with similar bullshit. I have lived in Africa for years and seen things with my own eyes. I will never not take the side of black people when they protest racism anywhere and I will never not believe them when they talk about police brutality, race-based violence and systemic racism in countries built on slavery. 

Of course, I’m not saying racism doesn’t exist in other places and in other forms, but talking about one does not negate the other. 

Also, I don’t understand the point you’re trying to make about the West not being sexist because other places have it worse? I’m sure I misunderstood this, so forgive me if that is the case. FGM is terrible, yes, but that in no way invalidates other types of gender violence that still ruins the lives of countless women. Just because the women in, say, Saudi Arabia have it worse, that doesn’t mean that the women here or in the USA should not talk about issues that directly affect them (and, btw, I have absolutely been outraged about Saudi Arabia and FGM and shared posts about both). All are bad! This is not a competition. 

On the topic of you saying that America gets so much shit for its history, which you think is unjust, I have to mention that European settlers killed up to 95% of Native Americans in some areas in relatively recent history. Just days ago, I was reading an article about how they killed so many people, it actually changed the global climate! This is genocide on such a massive scale, my brain can’t even comprehend it, and yet here we are today, with Columbus Day and Thanksgiving as holidays while the surviving Native Americans suffer all kinds of indignity and discrimination, so no, I don’t think we are talking about it enough and I feel that America deserves all the shit it gets for its history. IMO, it is not getting enough shit! The fact that there are other issues out there that need to be talked about too and are being silenced does not in any way take away from any of this. 

Anyway, let’s not argue about which country is The Worst™ and which human rights issues are more worthwhile than others because that is pointless. We already agree that all governments are corrupt, that evil happened and is still happening all over the world and that all human rights issues are important. I firmly believe that if they were to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, 99% of all high-ranking politicians would be diagnosed with serious clusters of antisocial personality disorders. Most of them would do anything and the only thing stopping them is whether or not they can get away with it. The remaining 1% cannot really do much and keep both their conscience and political power intact. 

In any case, the last thing I want in life is to get into Tumblr discourse with LJ people, so how about we just put this behind us? Let’s agree to disagree on who is worse, Trump or Hillary, because that is a pointless disagreement, especially since neither of us is an American and this is getting out of hand. I feel like we are actually miscommunicating and talking about different things. We seem to be arguing different points, so all of it is coming off worse for both of us than it really should be. Also, I wish you hadn’t sent me this ask anonymously, because I now have no way of responding to you except publically, and Tumblr is seriously not a good place for this. 

On a happier note, I’m very glad that you enjoyed DC! I’m very sorry for the extremely long hiatus! Unfortunately, I’ve been going through things that stopped me from writing for a long time. I hope that one day I can still come back and finish that story, in spite of everything! Have a good day/night! :)

*hugs*

[sonderlivra]

Adsdadassa idk if you're ok with it, but how do you feel about Eren confessing to goth!Mikasa?

I am TOTES ok with it, and I am so, so sorry for such a delayed response! As I mentioned, I’ve had several WIPs and a new OTP and shitty worklife to balance, and unfortunately, I’ve had to put this on hold. Thanks so much for the ask, though!

Anyhow, here goes, Highschool AU Eremika being slightly OOC. Warning for swearing, because of course.

Eren Jaeger had a problem.

It was as important as it was difficult, and try as he might, no amount of analysing, planning, or worrying got him any closer to resolving it.

He trudged through the empty halls of his school, having stayed late to practise for his basketball team. He had been recruited as a junior and had quickly moved up the ranks of players, placing himself as one of the team’s favourites. His hard work had paid off, his way to college seemed brighter with more opportunities, his parents were proud. Still, his Very Important Problem persisted. And with his final year of school fast coming to a close, his problem got that much bigger and more important.

He waved a cheeky goodbye at the janitor, who simply grunted at him. Years ago, he had gotten the innocent janitor involved in a scandal of sorts, but they had moved past that. Now, the janitor had already given notice and was due to leave in two weeks, having formed a booming business of his cleaning products. Eren wished his life was as simple and as comfortable as that. No hard choices, no indeterminate future, no heartache.

He turned into the main corridor and froze suddenly, colour draining from his face.

“M-Mikasa?” He stammered.

She looked up from her book and stood up. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he muttered, focusing on the tiled floor; the blood was rushing back into his cheeks and he didn’t want her to see. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Thursday,” she reminded him, stuffing her book in her bag and matching her pace with his.

Eren still didn’t look up. “Yeah, but you said you were busy.”

“Well, now I’m not.”

Something in her voice made him look at her. She was one of his oldest friends, and so he wasn’t surprised to see a small frown line between her eyebrows -a sure sign that she was upset.

“What happened?” When she didn’t answer, he said jokingly, “Do I have beat someone up for you?”

She didn’t smile. “I can handle it.”

Mikasa never had been a cheerful sort. An early tragedy had transformed her into a stoic girl. She was her most emotional around Eren and their other best friend, Armin, but even then, she had mostly been quiet and unassuming, until she her fourteenth birthday, when she discovered goth literature. It had appealed to her dark and melodramatic sides and for the first time in years, was unapologetically evocative about her interests.

Her black lips were now pursed in a thin line, her throat bobbing beneath her antichrist choker as she swallowed whatever she meant to say.

“Gonna cast a curse or something?” He asked, continuing in his joking vein when she stopped abruptly.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“What?” He yelped. “No, of course not! Why would I… Miks I would never-”

She huffed and began to walk again. “Come on. We’re lagging behind in history.”

He rushed to catch up with her. “Hey, look. Stop. What’s wrong?”

“It’s not important, Eren.”

“Of course it is.”

She glared at him, and he glared back.  Moments like this had become rare, moments where they were just best friends together and Eren’s all-consuming crush didn’t dampen the mood.

“You tell me everything,” he said quietly.

“Unlike you,” she snapped, and Eren stumbled. “What?”

She jabbed a black fingernail in his chest. “You heard me. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“What? N-no, I-”

“Everyone is avoiding me. Armin’s busy studying. The lacrosse finals are over and no one wants to talk. Eric-” her voice faltered, “Eric stands me up. And the only time you bother to even acknowledge me is when we have to do our study sessions!”

Eren’s heart was thudding. “I don't…” He couldn’t deny it, he really couldn’t, not to her. Then he latched onto one part of her rant. “Eric stood you up?”

She waved her hands in a frustrated gesture and began to walk away again. Eren reached forward and grabbed her hand. “Wait a sec-”

He should have seen it coming. But Mikasa moved at the speed of light, and he was flipped on his back and on the floor with her knee on his chest before he knew what was happening. “Don’t touch me,” she growled and eased up.

He stood up shakily. “Mikasa, look, I’m sorry…” He stopped, aghast, when he realised that her arms were not crossed on her chest in anger and that a lone tear was coursing down her cheek.

“You don’t even…” She whispered, then cleared her throat and continued more strongly, “Look, I don’t care about the team. They’re not my friends. And Eric -can go fuck himself, I mean he’s hipster trash anyway. But you, you’re my best friend.” She blinked and another tear slipped down. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

His hands were shaking. “Mikasa, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Is it all this?” She waved a vague hand over her outfit, a black lacy top with a long, heavy black skirt and heavy black leather boots. “Does this annoy you? Because I can tone down on the Anne Rice and Twilight was a mistake and I’ll stop ranting about Mary Shelley and Carmilla-”

“Miks.”

“I’ll even listen to Deep Purple, I’ve heard they’re good-”

“Mikasa.”

“And I was lying, I do like Metallica-”

“I love it.” Eren interrupted loudly, stopping her. “I love all of it, I love that you think Mary Shelley invented science fiction, because of course she did, I love that you love gay and lesbian vampires because of course they are, and I love that you wear black all the time ‘cause you look fucking amazing and I love… I love-” He paused abruptly, taking in the shocked glimmer of her wide grey eyes. Then he thought fuck it, and went on, “I love everything you do and everything about you and I love- you. A lot. A whole fucking lot. And hate that I do now because school is done and we’re gonna be adults and shit and we’ll probably say goodbye soon and- I’m sorry,” he finished anti-climatically.

Her eyes were wider than he had ever seen them.

“You… love… me?” She whispered.

“A whole fucking lot,” he repeated, his eyes trained on the ground again.

“And you didn’t want to tell me because we're​ going to leave soon?”

“No! I mean, yes. I mean,” Eren groaned with frustration and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t think you’d want that. Me. Not right now.”

“But you didn’t think to ask me? You didn’t think I’d want to know?” Her voice was dangerously calm, and when he glanced up at her, she was frowning ominously. He looked away quickly, and when she spoke again, her voice was harsher.

“Because why would I care? Of course I’m shallow enough to think end of school is end of everything, and my type is some pale, constipated, imaginary immortal being, right? You didn’t think I might love you too, you idiot?”

Time froze. Everything froze, including Eren’s heart in his chest and his breath in his lungs. Only Mikasa remained moving and alive, vibrant in her monotone, eyes radiating warm fury. “For weeks I’ve been silent, for weeks you’ve made me think something was wrong with me, that I’ve done something wrong, driven people away-”

He clasped her face in his hands and kissed her. Slowly, gently, for a long, thundering moment, and then stepped back. “I’m sorry,” he told her firmly. “You’re right, I am an idiot. A colossal idiot.” He paused, his hand gently nudging her slack one. “Now you see why I didn’t think you’d want me?”

She snorted delicately, her face still deadpan. “Idiot,” she murmured again.

They were silent for a long moment. Then Eren, always the intrepid one, asked quietly, “So you really…?”

“Yes,” she said immediately. She blinked at him, her face still serious. “If we have to say goodbye, will it matter to you?”

“Not if it doesn’t to you.”

“I already said it doesn’t.”

“Then it doesn’t matter to me,” he said softly, taking her hand, feeling his face burn when she didn’t pull it away. Instead, she laced her fingers through his, and, always the stronger one, pulled him closer.

It was several minutes later, when they were walking home hand in hand, when Mikasa said quietly, “I really do like Metallica. Linkin Park, too.”

Eren squeezed her hand. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Hmm?”

“I really like Evanescence.”

Her face brightened and she gasped. “I knew it! You coward!”

Laughing, he pulled her in for another quick kiss. “I love you.”

“Me too,” she smiled affectionately. “Idiot.”

A/N: Is this what goth kids are into these days? I am so out of touch, I’m dreadfully sorry if goth!Mikasa should be different. Also, teenage angst is the best angst and super fun to write! Teenage me is flipping me off rn.