#i am so so so terrified of getting into new things because what if something bad happens
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Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - The Eclipse
I am back again and I got a big boy drabble for you today @spotaus
After the amazing drabble they did about Nightmare losing the magic. I decided it was about time I tried my hands at the event that brought forth the magic!
Also we are back to Ccino POV. I don't know what it is about him in this series I just love him dearly and adore his POV. Once we move more into the story I will probably do other people's POVs haha.
Warnings! We are in for a rough time because Ccino never has it easy and that is like 90% my fault. There is past abuse, past starvation, victim blaming (kinda), there is gaslighting, there is manipulation. Implied future abuse.
There is a lot and I need you to be aware of this.
Also... It... may be a bit long? As in 10K words long. So... just so you know it is long. With that out of the way! Lets Go!
*--------------------------------------*
Ccino isnât sure what to feel. He knows he should be proud and feel excited. Today was the twinâs birthdays. They were finally turning thirteen. Something everyone in the kingdom has been excited for for the last few years as this day grow closer.
Ccino sighs as he feels his body shake. Even as he makes sure that Nightmareâs outfit is spotless. It is a beautiful light yellow. It will fit in perfectly amongst the golden and yellow decorations but Ccino can only assume it is on purpose. To show Nightmareâs rank and position as prince as Dream ascends. To see they belong together and are connected by their bond as twins.
Nightmare frows as he tugs on his shelves. Ccino gently takes his hand and removes it from the soft fabric âHey. It is okay my prince.â He puts the sleeves back in place and is happy to note there are no ruffles.
Nightmare frowns as he turns his skull away. Ccino frowns as he makes sure the outfit is perfect.
Nightmare mutters âStill think they are stupid for making you wear pinkâŠâ
Ccino blinks and looks down at his undershirt. It is a very soft light pink and there are yellow accents. He smiles as he twists his skull a bit to enable himself to look better at Nightmare âReally? Why is that my prince?â
Nightmare shrugs and mutters âPink doesnât suit you⊠beige is better.â
Ccino smiles âI do love the neutral and nature colours⊠But your brother was allowed to pick everything for his big day.â And it was only fitting that the new kingâs gift was exactly as he wanted-
Ccino shakes his skull. He needs to stop thinking about it like that. He isnât the one who matters here.
Nightmare is anxious. Nightmareâs twin is about to be crowned and become king. Complete this mysterious ritual. Ccino had to be there for him. Nightmare had found information and mentions about this great sacrifice and pain. Something that Dream had to do or experience to ascend to godhood.
Nightmare had come to him near tears. Terrified his brother would be hurt by this ritual that was going to happen no matter what. Nightmare had said he had tried to warn Dream but Dream just told him he was nervous and that everything would be okay. That Dream would become a god like their mother and Dream would rule their kingdom.
Nightmare had spoken about how he had gone to his mother with his worries but Nim just dismissed him. That Nim had just told him he was seeing things wrong again and that he was letting silly ideas get the better of him again.
Ccino isnât surprised she was like that. Nim is just like that. A terrible and horrible-
Ccino stops himself. He can never be sure what she knows and what she doesnât.
Instead, even back when Nightmare came to him, he concentrated on helping Nightmare. Helping him calm down before looking at what he had found.
Ccino wasnât even sure what it was but he knew⊠he knew that Nightmare was correct. This magic, this ritual it is dangerous.
But there is nothing Ccino could do to help him. Ccino doesnât know magic. He canât even do magic. He knows nothing about magic or what it all means. He was only able to hold Nightmare close until he fell asleep for the night. Ccino letting him sleep in his room with him to help him feel safe.
Ccino doesnât know magicâŠ
But Ccino remembers⊠He thinks he remembers at least⊠He believes that his mother used to sing⊠That she could do magical things with music. Ccino thinks their little house used to be filled with music.
His father had these... magical kisses? Ccino thinks so at least⊠That his father could give kisses when you were hurt or sad and everything felt better⊠Something about his magic only working because of Ccino and his momâŠ
Ccino thinks so at leastâŠ
He canât really remember what his father looked likeâŠ
He just knows he is supposed to look like his mom⊠but he isnât sure as he canât remember her well either⊠It has been so long
Nightmare shifts before him and Ccino pulls himself out of his mindless thinking. Ccino turns Nightmare around and hums âThe yellow looks nice on youâŠâ
Nightmare pulls on his shirt anxiously âYou think so? I think it looks weird⊠yellow fits Dream. Not me.â
Ccino smiles as he knows how to handle this easily âReally? I think it looks nice.â he gently takes Nightmareâs hands as Ccino ignores the scars on those small bones from his practise cuts âYellow compliments purple after all. Makes your eye lights stand out more.â
Nightmare looks deeply embarrassed but has a shy smile âReally?â
Ccino smiles âHave I ever lied to you?â
Nightmare shakes his skull and looks a bit more relaxed as he looks back into the mirror. Ccino looks him over and smiles. Nightmare, and Dream, has grown into a fine young teen.
Ccino canât help but be proud of both the twins. Ccino has always been closer to Nightmare as Dream had many others who seemed to want to answer his every request. Which meant that Ccino just focused on Nightmare when he could. Make sure the younger twin didnât feel left behind.
Ccino is proud to say that he managed it. Nightmare is happy and never mentioned feeling alone. He mentioned missing his twin when he went to his classes but aside from that Nightmare was happy and healthy. Dream was too.
The twins adore each other and are the closest friends. Both are happy and healthy.
All in all. Ccino thinks he has been doing a great job with helping and raising them.
Ccino hums as he moves to Nightmareâs front and starts putting up the little golden and sun jewellery. Careful all in the right spots. Decorating his thin neck and the fragile wrists.
Last Ccino picks up the small silver crown and places it on Nightmareâs skull âAlmost done my prince.â
Nightmare stares at him âWe are alone.â And he waits.
Ccino blinks and smiles softly âMy prince-â Nightmare frowns more. Ccino sighs but canât stop smiling âNightmare. You know I have to address you properly.â He canât stop himself as he rubs the smaller skull and Nightmare leans into it happily âI am just a servant. People canât see me disrespecting you like that.â
Nightmare frowns again âI donât care.â And he glares more âand you are not just a servant. You are you.â
Ccino smiles and nuzzles him softly âI know you donât care Nightmare. And I would like to not care either. But⊠it isnât right or how it worksâŠâ he gives him a sad smile.
Nightmare frowns and mutters âMaybe⊠When Dream is king he can change that?â he looks a bit more hopeful.
Anxiety returns to his soul. Ccino doesnât want to be important and known⊠He forces it back down as he gives a gentle smile âAs king he wonât get the chance to do such things until much later Nightmare. He canât risk being seen as weak or someone who is easy to disrespect. Once things calm down we can maybe ask him. Okay?â much later.
Nightmare frowns and mutters âWho would disrespect him? He would be a king and a god!â and he looks at Ccino.
Ccino feels bad. Seeing as he doesnât respect Nim at all. And Nim is like that. Ccino instead gives him a tiny grin âSome people will just be like that. Even if they donât have a good reason. And no matter how much you want them to you canât change their minds.â He rubs his cheek âWhich means you can only focus on what matters to you and the country.â
Nightmare frowns before nodding âI can do that for him. Help him.â He rubs his arm and whispers âDo⊠do you think the⊠the bad thing will happen?â
Ccino frowns âI am not sure Nightmare. I am so sorryâŠâ he canât help him when it matters⊠Ccino wasnât even sure why he thought he could help either of them in a way that matters.
Nightmare leans into his touch and mutters âAt least you believe me.â
Ccino feels a bit better as he speaks softly âAnd I always will. Even if no one else believes you. I will. I will be there for you. I swear.â It is an easy promise to make to him.
Nightmare actually smiles this time.
Ccino relaxes as he slowly gets the paint and make up out âReady for the last finishing touches?â
Nightmare nods and takes a seat. Ccino gets the paint and gets to work. Ccino had to do these very early on for both the twins. Dream would want to get up and move around while Nightmare would patiently wait for Ccino to finish and for the make up to dry. Ccino never minded it of course. It was fun! It reminded him of finger painting and practising make up with his mom. It are dear memories.
Ccino starts with a bit of paint by Nightmareâs cheeks and his chin. To make sure the edges look softer and a bit rounder. Next he adds a very small line of golden yellow around the very edge of his sockets. Ccino hadnât been lying after all, yellow did help make purple stand out more and with this is made the purple pop. Ccino then took the silver and with the utmost care he painted the phases of the moon from one temple to the other across the forehead. Making sure the full moon was at the very center. Ccino didnât even need to redo it today.
Ccino smiles as he takes a step back âAll ready.â He washes the paint and make up from his phalanges.
Nightmare hops off his chair and looks into the mirror âWill you have to also do Dreamâs paints?â
Ccino shakes his skull âNot today. I believe the king is helping your twin prepare.â He finishes cleaning himself up and puts everything back to its spot.
Nightmare nods as he looks into the mirror anxiously âIt is okay⊠it is fine⊠Dream will be fineâŠâ he tugs on his shirt again.
Ccino joins his side and frees the shirt from the tight hold. After it he tugs it all back in place before stepping back âThere. You are ready my prince.â And he gives a small bow âVery soon. Crown prince.â
Nightmare rubs his arm. Luckily the material the shirt is made of doesnât crumble easily and it remains looking nice and puffy. Ccino needs to make sure Nightmare looks fine and no one can say anything rude to Nightmare about it.
Ccino joins his side and smiles âHey⊠Nighty?â Nightmare immediately looks at him. Ccino keeps smiling. Praying it helps relax him âYou are going to do amazing. You will look stunning together with your twin and you two have bright futures ahead of you.â
Nightmare gives a very slow nod before he mutters âWill you be nearby? I know it is private and only for the inner circle until the real crowning but⊠Will you please be near?â
Ccino smiles âYeah. I will be close by.â For completely different reasonsâŠ
Nightmare relaxes and smiles brightly âThank you⊠I need you there to feel brave.â
Ccino feels like his soul is gripped as he gives him a gentle hug. Making sure not to mess up Nightmareâs outfit or make up âYou donât need me for that Nightmare. You are the bravest monster I know. But I will be there okay? You will see me right there okay? And if you start feeling scared or unsure you can look at me and know that there will always be people who believe in you and are there for you. Okay?â He rubs the cheek.
Nightmare pushes his face more into it and lets out a soft purr âThank you.â
Ccino smiles âI am happy to be there for you. Both of you.â He hears footsteps in the distance and quickly takes his hand back as he steps back. Nightmare looks confused for a moment before the door behind him opens.
Ccino bows to the captain entering âCaptain.â
The captain, a bird monster by the name of Falks, dismisses him but that is alright. Ccino doesnât mind at all. He knows that most of the higher ups kind of know the deal that is about to happen.
Captain Falks bows to Nightmare âHello my prince. I am here to lead you to the king and the future king.â
Nightmare nods before looking back at Ccino âSee you soon Ccino.â And he follows the captain out.
Ccino makes sure to remain in his spot until the door closes. When it closes he feels all the tension return as the need to hide in one of the tunnels returns. He doesnât want to go there.
He doesnât want to be at the ritual.
Because⊠That will be the moment that heâŠ
That hisâŠ
He is right now the kingâs after all. Nim just only had use for him as babysitter and servant. Ccino knows⊠he knows what the little apple patterns on his clothes mean after all.
Ccino feels his breath quicken as he grabs a hold on the vanity and gasps as his breath gets shorter and shorter. He stares at himself for a moment before looking away. He canât stand the sight of himself. Seeing himself hurts⊠Seeing himself brings back memories he canât quite remember and pain and fear from long ago. He canât deal with that. He canât.
Ccino gasps as he takes a seat on the ground and curls up more. This is it⊠today⊠he will be⊠he wonâtâŠ
He⊠he is never going to see Nightmare ever again? Is he?
He doesnât know what the ritual does. Not exactly.
But Nim had pulled him aside and given him an idea. How it changes the person. How it increases their power and that with it came the knowledge that they were more important than any mortals. That their power and their ability to hold and manage that power is the proof.
That once Dream gets the power he will finally get the power he deserves. He will have the power and knowledge that will make him the god among people.
That Ccino will be there for him in any way he wishes. For anything he wants.
Any. Thing.
Ccino feels gross just thinking about it.
Footsteps in the hallway and Ccino has to pull himself together. He forces himself back to his feet even if his whole body shakes. Even if he canât stand the sight of everything around him.
He just manages to pull his face into a more neutral look and slow his panicked breathing when the door opens. Some guards stand ready and mutter about bringing Ccino to the room to prepare him for the ritual.
Ccino follows the guards. His soul pulsing fast enough that Ccino is starting to feal dizzy. He keeps his breaths short as he follows the familiar path.
They end by the healing bay and he is left by the door. The door opens and two medics are there already. They rush Ccino in and comment about him being later than expected. Ccino apologises as he stands in the room.
He hears the two healers talk as he stares ahead of himself. Trying so hard not to hear. He doesnât want to hear it.
Ccino stares ahead of himself. The other wall has shelves which hold a lot of different items and potions. Ccino knows that some of those are against exhaustion and to give more energy. There are health boosters and even a few that will just knock you out. All different colours.
The scents are making his already dizzy skull spin and pound. He may be starting to get migraine.
The doctor snaps âCcino!â
Ccino blinks and turns slightly âYes sir?â
The doctor, Nigel, looks annoyed while the other healer, Mar, giggles âDonât be mad at him. Can you blame him? He will be the future Kingâs first mate.â They sigh wishfully âI am so jealous⊠I wish I could be the one who helped Dream like that.â
They disgust Ccino. Ccino doesnât care that technically Dream is about to magically become an adult. He is a child! One who barely started puberty! How could they think about him like that? Like they are just waiting for him to grow up so they can⊠so they can think and do those things to him?!
Doctor Nigel sighs annoyed as he stares at Ccino âWhen did you last eat and what?â
Ccino needs to think. He hadnât eaten that morning⊠He hasnât had dinners in ages much like lunches. His last breakfast was⊠âDay before yesterday.â If he is correct.
The doctor looks annoyed âSeriously? You pigging out again? You know that you need to look your best.â He sighs as he shakes his head.
Ccino just looks down. He just had been so hungry. He had felt so empty and tired. He had thought⊠Maybe a little wouldnât be bad? Just to get a bit of energy.
Nigel looks at him expecting âWhat did you eat?â
Ccino looks to the side. Feeling guilty âHad some toast⊠and some yogurt and milk.â It had been so good. He had felt full after it and sighed happily.
The doctor huffs âPigging. Out.â
The other giggles âOh let him pig out. Maybe then King Dream will see that he is not that much anyway. Let someone who is actually pretty get a chance to please our new lord.â They sigh wishfully again.
Nigel shoots his colleague a look âStop it. You can try to get in his harem once he is established.â He turns back to side as he grabs a step stool âThe first mate always dies quickly anyone. They are there for the king to test their power and magic after all. Rather painful from what I understand.â He points towards the step stool âUndress and on the step stool.â
Ccino feels sick and feels his soul pulse anxiously but his body does as ordered. He feels beyond exposed as he stands there. Staring downwards as the two doctors circle him and comment on things. He can hardly hear it. His skull hurts.
Doctor Nigel hums âLuckily none of the lashes gave permanent marks after all. It would be unsightly for our future king to see marks of disobedience.â He makes a note as he moves on and checks his ribs and spine. Touching it and Ccino tries to ignore how invasive it feels. âAge?â
Ccino needs a moment to think âTwenty.â
He hums and makes a note âThat should fertile then. Good. Summon your ecto.â
Ccino really doesnât want to. His soul is filled with anxiety but he tries.
Nothing happens.
The doctor looks annoyed âI said. Summon the ecto.â
Ccino doesnât look up âI canât⊠I donât have enough energy or magic.â Maybe he canât summon it at all anymore. Maybe it is broken? Would that mean he doesnât have to worry about this whole thing anymore? If he is unable to summon the parts needed⊠If he is too broken to serve his purposeâŠ
The doctor grumbles as he walks to the cabinet and searches through the bottles before pulling one out âHere. Drink it.â
Ccino looks at the bright orange liquid and feels sick just looking at it. It smells gross. It looks disgusting. It is much too solid to be a normal drink.
Mar laughs as they smirk at him âWhat is wrong? Suddenly not a glutton anymore?â
Ccino doesnât want to⊠But he remembers the pain of the lashes. The way each one burned. They way they would wait between the hits. Until his back was fully healed before giving the next one. Healing it magically, fast and aggressive which left his back tender and hurting of pains that werenât there anymore. Then the next lash would hit.
He still feels the pain sometimes. Which is dumb. Ccino knows he isnât hurt anymore. It got healed years ago and it doesnât hurt. There is nothing there that could hurt. Everyone told him as much. To stop acting as if he is hurt when he was fine.
Ccino downs the potion as ordered. It is gross and sticks to his throat and it feels unpleasant. The unknown and different magic in the potion makes him sick but he stands there.
Nigel nods âNow. That should give you enough magic and mana to at least last through the night for our new King. Now summon so I can inspect your ecto.â
Ccino feels sick but does as ordered. He focusses on his soul. Even if the pulsing of it is uneven and anxious it is better than to think about the hands touching his ecto. Hands he doesnât want to touch him anywhere.
He stares ahead. Staring at the different coloured bottles. Two are purple. One is blue. There is a green one on the side. Most of them donât have a colour and three are yellow. All on different shelves. None of them have labels.
Doctor Nigel steps back as he takes notes âSeems fine and stable enough. A bit too round but that is too be expected from your gluttonous nature.â The doctor makes notes.
The other giggles âBest hope the king likes them heavier.â And Mar giggle again.
Ccino hates it here.
The doctor shoots his colleague a look âBehave. It will not look good for you if the first mate doesnât like your behaviour.â And he shoots Ccino a look âYou can get dressed again. Others will come pick you up soon to get ready.â And he turns to his desk. The other doctor huffs and shoots Ccino a jealous look.
Ccino would willingly and gladly trade places. Do it. Take his place. He doesnât want to be some offering to placate a newly ascended god. Ccino knows what everyone implies he will do to do that. He feels sick.
Either way he gets dressed in the much too soft cotton with the almost silky feel to it. It is soft as he tugs on it. His soul feels like it has permanently moved to his throat. He still feels dizzy, the other magic in his body makes him feel sick.
Everything about this makes him ill. He wants to hide. Just not go. Fuck it. Stay in the hidden tunnels and just keep hiding there until they give up on searching for him. No one ever found him in those tunnels anyway.
The image of Nightmare looking hopefully into the crowd when he feels nervous. Ccino not being there.
He canât⊠He canât break his promise to Nightmare.
The door opens and a few maids walk in. They all seem excited and happily tug Ccino with them. They talk about how lucky he is and how he doesnât need to worry! That people will make sure he looks pretty and then the new King will not be able to keep his hands to himself!
Ccino just smiles and nods. Not sure if he can keep himself from throwing up if he starts talking.
They get to the large dressing room. Normally used for making and fabricating outfits for the royals and nobles. Ccino feels his anxiety returns as the maids leave him with the seamstress Sasha. Sasha looks beyond excited as she looks at different outfits.
She hums happily âI am so excited! It is the greatest honour to have been allowed to make your outfit. I made a few options and the current king and future king already expressed their preference!â she smiles brightly as she holds up different outfits âI have a few that were approved upon and I made sure they will fit the decorations!â
Ccino nods as he lets her talk. Everywhere there are flags and banners with little suns on them. The symbol of Dream. A small sun for the golden prince. Dream had been so excited when they picked his symbol when the twins turned ten. Nightmare had been excited about his own symbol in the form of the moon.
Ccino watches as the seamstress pulls out this beautiful dress. Lower back and cuts by the lower part and legs to enable easy movement.
Sasha smiles as she holds it up âI know I know. A dress is the go to but I wanted to try just in case! Please put it on.â
Ccino takes the clothing item and gets dressed. Feeling numb to the exposed feeling by now. He waits on the verdict.
She beams âOh you are so pretty!â she looks excited as she rushes to the other outfits she laid out âBut I think the dress isnât your fit after all. Donât get me wrong you look gorgeous but it just doesnât seem right! It doesnât show off your best sides well as it is designed to look good on people with more curves.â
Ccino is never sure what people want from him. Some say he is too fat and a glutton. Others say he doesnât have enough curves. He really tried to do as ordered and only eat and drink what he is supposed to. He doesnât understand why his body isnât like they want by now. He swears he tried.
He is so tired.
Sasha brings out this pants and shirt set which feels a bit more comfortable. Ccino doesnât like how open the back is as it gives him bad memories. The only times his back was uncovered was when they⊠theyâŠ
The shirt itself is very tight around his neck. And shows off most of his spine. The pants themselves hang low on his hip bones. Barely staying up as it is while the pants legs are long and cover him to the ankles.
The seamstress hums as she looks considered âThis shows off your skeleton nature much better than the dress did! Your spine is so clean and pretty! I am sure the king would love to be able to see it easily! I will have to make a note of that for any future outfits!â she makes a note as she grabs the next outfit.
The shirt has shoulder pads this time and covers his spine a lot better. The sides are mostly open but it isnât as short as the other one and it only shows a bit of his lower spine.
Instead of pants this outfit has more of a skirt to it. It still hangs low on his hips but there is a very short tight pants under the skirt to keep it in place. The sides of his legs are almost completely uncovered aside from the tight pants but the skirt part gives him at least the illusion of modesty.
Sasha hums as she looks between the outfits âI think that one is best.â She smiles a t him âFeeling pretty and ready to rock the new kingâs world?â she is trying to hype him up.
Ccino gives a small smile and speaks softly âMostly nervous.â Which is the most truthful and honest thing he can safely say.
She gasps âWhat? You donât need to be nervous! He is going to be so happy to see you! You are so pretty he is going to be blown away!â
Ccino doesnât feel pretty. He just feels sick and uncomfortable. It is so close now. Before he could mostly ignore it but now it is really going to happen. He is going to be promoted from babysitter to sex slave. And there is not a single thing he can do about it. Yet Ccino is the idiot and weird one for not being excited.
He wants to cry.
He takes his seat as the seamstress talks about his make up and what she picked out. It is mostly just some touch up. She mentions that putting much more on would just make him look fake and make him lose his natural beauty.
She disappears to the corner where she opens a locked box. There are golden chains in there. Well, not actually chains but necklaces and bracelets apparently, they may as well be chains though. Ccino watches as the other puts them on him. By his arms. His ribs. One as a choker. She coos and praises how pretty he looks. Ccino doesnât feel like he is all there anymore.
Heavy steps and moments later the door opens.
The seamstress bows deeply and Ccino looks down as well. Making a bow as far as he can without disrupting any of the work done on him.
A moment of silence before a pleased hum âGood. You got cleaned up and made yourself look presentable. Come. We are about to start.â
As they walk Nim reminds him once more of what his role will be and what he will do. Ccino echoes the instructions back to her when prompted.
He is lead into the throne room and there is a silence. Ccino feels his arm start to shake as he makes his way towards his spot. Ccino tries not to panic.
This is it. There is no turning back now.
Ccino just stands in his spot. Near enough to step forwards when it is his time. Ccino tries not to think about what will happen to him after today. What his life will be after this. Ccino glances around.
There arenât as many people as he would expect. The only people are the kingâs advisors. The captain of the guard and a few extra guards. And Ccino of course.
None of the maids or servants are actually here with them.
Ccino glances around and sees people all getting ready. A priest as well. To perform the crowning of Dream as Nim will be unavailable.
Ccino⊠Ccino doesnât like this ritual or what he knows about it.
From what he understand⊠the king will give up her magic. Make it form something for Dream to take and consume. Consuming the magic will give him powers and magic and the ability to ascend. Then. Once it is time. Something of great emotional importance is supposed to happen. That the magic will guide Dream to do what is needed for him to finish ascending.
Once ascended. Dream will be first crowned to the small select group here and then to the kingdom as a whole.
Ccino is supposed to step forwards when Dream finishes his ritual but before he is crowned. Ccino will join his side and remain there through everything.
Ccino still doesnât understand how it will affect Dream. All the king ever told him was that Dream would within seconds grow from teen to an adult and all the feelings, knowledge and emotions that came with it would happen all at once. That it would make Dream ready to rule. The ritual would give him the understanding for what happened and how so he can perform it himself when the time is right.
Ccino thinks it isnât right.
But maybe that is just him. He doesnât like the magic in this place. His memories still see magic as the voice of his mother singing and some stuff moving on their own to help her with chores. Of his father holding him close and giving a kiss to his little bruises and them feeling better. They told him magic was about joy and love.
Here⊠they always spoke about rituals and blood and sacrifices. Ccino had seen them sacrifice animals before.
He doesnât like it.
He hates it.
Ccino had had to clean up cuts on Nightmareâs hands from past rituals. All in preparation. Nightmare had been near tears as it hurt. Ccino remembers telling him that it canât be actually that good of magic if it hurts him.
Ccino isnât sure if he was even helping at this pointâŠ
Not that it matters⊠He probably wonât see Nightmare much after this⊠As he will just⊠be wherever and whatever Dream wants him to be and do and-
No. Stop. Donât think about it.
Ccino tries to distract himself.
The hall is decorated with large banners. All with pictures and images of the sun and light. Gold in colour and making the room seem lighter.
Ccino suddenly understands his outfit colour choice. It seems to mirror the colours of a sunrise.
Nim steps out of the side door and walks towards her throne, her mask on her face. She stands before it as the hall is immediately quiet. Moments later Dream and Nightmare walk out together and stand on both of her sides, both wearing their own masks.
Nightmare looks anxious and Ccino manages to catch his eye through the tiny openings of the owl mask. Nightmare seems to relax a little.
That is good.
That is much better.
The King speaks up and her voice sounds out âWe are here today. For the next step in our glorious kingdom. As I will ascend to take my rightful place among the stars. As my son will take his own rightful place. A god on this world. Like myself.â
Excitement rises in the room as Nim raises her arms and hands to her chest. And It lights up.
It is scorching hot. It is burning.
The light is bright as Nim holds out the light. It slowly condenses into a single form. A glowing apple. She turns slowly. Her body already starting to fall apart as she starts to dust. Her hand holds out the glowing apple to Dream.
Dream wiggles slightly in place before raising his mask to the top of his face to reveal the big smile before looking serious again as he steps forwards. He holds out his arms and hands.
Nim stands still for a moment before she places the apple in his hands but keeps holding on.
Dream looks determined and nods âThank you. Mother. May you rise to be above the other gods.â
Nim nods and lets go of the apple. As soon as the contact is gone. She is gone. She falls apart and her mask falls on top of the pile of dust.
The apple is a perfect golden colour. It isnât shining anymore but it reflects the light beautifully.
Dream steps forwards and smiles âHello everyone. For this glorious day. As the old king and my mother takes her rightful place among the stars and gods. As I stand before you to claim my own place in the growing history of our family. To make them proud and do as they hava done before me.â
Ccino notices Nightmare looks nervous as he shoots him looks. Ccino gives him a tiny smile and Nightmare seems to relax before he gains a look of focus in those eye lights.
Dream smiles as he raises his arms up high.
Which is when Nightmare rushes him and tackles his brothers. The two twins struggle for a moment before Nightmare manages to grab the apple and take a few steps away.
Dream stares from his spot on the ground in shock âNightmare?!â
Nightmare doesnât say anything. He is shaking lightly before Nightmare finds his eye sight again. Nightmare raises his own owl mask to the top of his skull, he takes a deep breath and bites into the apple.
Something in his body changes. Ccino can see an almost hazed look on Nightmareâs face as he bites. And bites. And bites. Eating the apple even if he seems to almost choke on the mouthfuls.
And then the apple is gone. Core and all.
Nightmare stands there for a moment before starting to lean to one side before leaning towards the other. His body shaking. He starts to shake more and more as Nightmare rolls up as he hugs his own form. Then Nightmare starts screaming and sobbing as he falls to his knees.
Ccino feels his own body shake. Ccino feels himself take a step closer.
He is hurt⊠He needs toâŠ
A guard stops him.
Ccino canât look away from Nightmare. Nightmare is just shaking and sobbing as he stays on his knees.
A cracking of bones. The ripping of clothing. And large limbs burst out of Nightmareâs back. Ccino sees them move and wriggling around dripping of Nightmareâs blood. But Ccino watches as the red colour darkens little by little until it is a solid black instead. It continues to drip on the ground as Nightmare shudders.
Then he stops. Everything stops. The screaming, the shaking, the sobbing.
Silence.
Nightmare slowly rises to his feet. The goop moving and dripping slowly off his form to drip on the ground. Nightmare looks around the room. His clothes ripped in many places as parts of it remain on the ground covered with that same sticky black goop that used to be red and liquid and his blood.
âHow could you!?â
Nightmare blinks and turns to stare at Dream. Dream glares at him as he shakes with pure rage.
Dream screams âHow could you?!â
Nightmare however doesnât react. He just keeps staring at his brother. Ccino⊠Ccino doesnât like the look on his face. It is the same look as with the apple⊠Ccino also doesnât like the look on Dreamâs face. The open rage and anger.
Dream knows magic. Nightmare does not.
Ccino doesnât think and rushes away from his spot. The guard who had a hold on him before had let go in shock. Ccino side steps any hands as he rushes to the raised platform and thrones. He rushes up the stairs and gets between the twins. Holding hands up to both of them as he gives them both a strict look âNo fighting.â He would have wanted his voice to be louder. But he canât. Even now he canât shout at either of them. He never could.
Dream looks away with angry tears in his eyes. Nightmare freezes as he stares at him. Ccino looks back at him.
His face isnât the same anymore. The sockets are all wrong and the eye lights arenât right either. Nightmare is much taller and doesnât look in anyway like he did. The magic that he emits is even different.
But⊠the angle of those shoulders⊠Nightmare is scared and confused.
Ccino needs to get them somewhere else. He needs to get them out of view of others. They need to calm down and they need to figure out what is next. Was⊠Was Nightmare instructed by Nim to eat the apple after all? But⊠that doesnât make sense?
No. Focus. No use trying to figure stuff out when it isnât the priority. Get the twins to the back. Get them situated.
Ccino takes a deep breath before turning towards the waiting crowd with a smile on his face. He makes sure to tugs his hands behind the small of his back as he speaks with his cheerful people pleasing voice âWe will be in the back to clean up before we continue. Please excuse our new king and the crown prince for just a moment.â And he bows deeply before shooting Dream a look and motioning towards the back.
Dream still looks angry but does as told as he moves towards the back. Ccino rises and gives a deep bow to Nightmare âMy lord?â Nightmare is king now⊠right? so he should do this?
Nightmare looks bothered. It isnât the same face he pulls but it is the same reaction as before. At least that look from the apple is gone. He just looks confused and overwhelmed. Nightmare moves towards the back without a single glance into anyoneâs direction. Ccino uses the general confusion to rush into the room after them.
Okay. Okay.
What now?
The room is quiet as Dream continues to glare at Nightmare. Nightmare frowns at him as he raises a hand âDream⊠IâŠâ he shakes his skull as that glint in his eye lights returns before he manages to shake it.
Dream glares as he shakes âHow could you! I trusted you! Everyone always said you just wanted the throne! I defended you! Said you would never betray me! Yet you do?!â angry tears appear in his sockets as he glares.
Nightmare shakes his skull again. âI didnât⊠I didnât want to. IâŠâ He frowns. So confused.
The door slams open and Ccino notices Nightmare flinch at the sound before Ccino is grabbed and turned around. Captain Falks is there glaring âWhat the fuck did you do?!â
Ccino blinks as two more guards join them. Ccino looks back at Nightmare and Dream âI⊠I got them out of sight? Stopped them from fighting.â
Falks groans âYes! That is the problem! You stopped the ritual!â
Ccino feels any insecurity and nerves leave him as it replaces him with rage âOf course I did?! In case you didnât notice! It went terrible! Of course I got them out of sight and calm before they could hurt each other!â
Captain Falks glares âThe leftover prince was never supposed to take the apple! This is a disaster! He was supposed to just be there for the future King of Light Dream!â Falks glares at the twins before glaring at Ccino again âThis is a mess and you made it worse.â
Ccino flinches as he looks to the side âWhat is done is done⊠We need to be quickâŠâ he glances back and canât help but notice that Nightmare is very much barely dressed at this point as he ripped out of his clothing and Dream is overdressed with the too large clothing. Swimming in the bright orange cape and the softer coloured dress pants and shirt. Ccino nods to himself âWe will need to get them both ready quickly. A new outfit for King Nightmare is a must. He canât be crowned when he is barely dressed. Dream will need cloths that are form fitted for him now instead of how he could have been.â His mind is racing as he looks over to the two guards behind Falks.
It are cadet Rogers and Cadet Miles. Okay. Ccino has seen them before and they are both ambitious but are loyal to the crown. Ccino looks at Miles âMiss Miles. Can you get back to the hall and keep the people calm? We may need more refreshments for them.â Miles gives a nod and Ccino focuses on Rogers âCadet Rogers. We need to make sure we arenât bothered. Can you make sure to stand guard?â Cadet Rogers nods with a salute and moves to the door together with cadet Miles. Ccino looks at Falks âCaptain. We need the priest to remain here and remain ready to crown Nightmare and vow him in. While I get the prince and king ready you need to go to the priest and give him a small update that Nightmare will be sworn in instead-â
Falks glares âWho do you think you are to order me and my guards around?â
Ccino freezes before giving him a look âWe need to act quickly and adapt to the change.â
Falks huffs as he looks disgusted  âI will not serve a fake king.â
A moment of silence and shock goes through Ccino. He also feels⊠rejected? Dejected? It doesnât make sense. Ccino instead focusses on the moment âHow is he a fake king?â
Falks huffs âYou are an idiot. He was never meant to be king. He was there to make sure that Dream would rise to his rightful place. Not be a useless and jealous brat and take it for himself! He didnât even finish the ritual!â
Ccino glares âHe did.â
Falks smirks âOh believe me. He did not.â
Ccino glares as he starts to recount what he knows âHe ate the apple. Legends speak that anyone unworthy of absorbing the magic would perish. Nightmare survived and was able to gain the power it gave. Meaning the magic decided him worthy.â Falks blinks but Ccino continues âNightmare is a son of the old king Nim just like Dream. Are you really disrespecting the royal bloodline?â Falks looks a lot more worried. Ccino goes for the finishing blow âNot to forget. The ritual spoke of a large betrayal. I do believe. That eating the apple and betraying his twin would count as such.â
Ccino may not agree with any of these thought and believes followed by these people. But he knows how to speak their language and play their game. âThat means. That our new king is Nightmare. Who completed the ritual.â
Falks suddenly looks a lot more unsure before he hisses to Ccino âYou best remember your place slave. And if I had it my way I would show it to your personally. Your pretty face canât save you from all the consequences.â
Ccino doesnât feel fear. He just feels rage. âOh I remember my place just fine. My duty, as ordered by the old king, is to be by the new kingâs side and help him in any way I can. I am doing exactly as I was instructed. I think it is time you remember your own oaths and vows Captain. As you are supposed to protect, guard and serve the ruling king yourself.â
Falks glares harshly at him âWhen this is over. I will take great pleasure in punishing you and your bratty mouth. Seems like the last twenty I gave you did not make much of an impression. Maybe with fifty lashes you will learn your place.â
Ccino raises a brow âAsk our king when it is calm. We both have our duties. Yours should be to make sure everything in the hall is still fine so we can move on to the coronation.â Ccino glares at him âThe priest needs to be informed as I prepare our king.â
There is a silence in the room. The two cadets stare at Ccino and their captain but Ccino doesnât care. He knows he will be in trouble for this. A lot of trouble and he does not enjoy knowing he will be punished later for ignoring the hierarchy and rules.
But Nightmare needs him now. Even if Nightmare doesnât seem the same. It is still Nighty. Ccino used to tug him into bed with a bedtime story. Ccino used to cut both Nightmareâs and Dreamâs food into tiny pieces to make eating easier for them.
Ccino is not going to fail them now because some stupid birdbrain decided he wanted to try a powerplay when there is a crisis.
Falks breaks their eye contact first. He huffs as he walks to the door and hisses âDo what he says. We need to serve our king.â And he leaves the room. The two cadets follow.
Ccino glances back at the twins and is happy to note both seem too distracted to have noticed the captain trying his silly powerplay. The twins are just staring at each other and seemingly lost in their own world.
Ccino nods as he rushes to the wall. He finds the servants pathway and sneaks a look inside. Okay! Perfect! A sewing kit! He grabs it and takes it back inside before ringing the bell and leaving a message that he needs cloths in the colours of deep purple, dark blue, cyan or black stat. He goes back inside and looks around.
Now. What can he use to fix this mess? He searches the room and pulls out any tools he can find. Ccino knows that his fellow servants and maids all stash items all around the castle. To use when in need without having to travel far.
He manages to pull one of the large sun banners down and starts sewing it into a more casual tunic dress fit before managing to find a brown belt to help give it shape. He goes to Dreamâs side and checks the cape and clothes he is wearing. Okay he can let Dream still wear the large cape as it will go well.
Ccino pushes the clothes into his arms âHere. I am sorry it is rushed work. This will fit better.â
Dream stares before glaring as his sockets fill with tears âNo! This⊠this isnât supposed to be like this!â Dream glares at Nightmare âHow could you?!â
Oh no not again.
Nightmare looks at Dream and that slight edge is back again âI just⊠I needed⊠I just wantedâŠâ Each time Nightmare tries to speak he seems to stop as soon as he hears his own voice. Shock obvious on his face.
Dream glares âI canât believe you would betray me! I trusted you! I thought we were a team!â
Nightmare looks so sad âWe areâŠâ
Dream shakes his skull.
Which is when Sera walks in. Great. This day just went from bad to horrible. And that is impressive as Ccino had believed he would become a sex slave.
Sera glares at him âWhy are you making orders and what is going on?!â
Ccino just takes the fabric she brought and gets to work sewing quickly. He canât make it complex or too detailed but anything fitting will be better than Nightmare being crowned while naked âPrince Nightmare ate the apple. I am preparing him for his coronation as quickly as I can.â
Sera looks shocked before frowning âYou should not be this involved! Step aside as I will do so instead.â
Ccino shoots her a look âAnd what role gives you this right?â
Sera glares âI am the head of the servants! Including you!â
Ccino canât help but smile brightly as he answers âActually. As you very often told me. I am not a part of the servants. I am one of the kingâs loyals.â He smiles brightly as he enjoys the shock on her face âAnd as you often told me. I donât belong in your group.â
She sputters and glares âYou have some nerve! You are nothing but a toy! Something to throw aside when the king is done with you!â
Ccino nods âOf course. But that is the kingâs decision.â He makes sure to smile pleasantly âAnd you wouldnât go against the kingâs will⊠would you?â
Sera is seething but nods âI wouldnât.â
Ccino nods âGood. Now. The guests will be forced to wait a little longer. I am sure they would appreciate some extra refreshments and food.â This time he downright smirks as he shoots her a look âAfter all. Your performance will reflect on all of us.â
Sera is furious. Ccino knows why of course. She must not enjoy Ccino echoing her own words back at her.
Sera nods before leaving the room.
Ccino checks his hands and is happy to note he got the basics done. This will sadly have to do. He walks over to Nightmare âMy lord? May I help you?â
Nightmare blinks slowly at him before nodding âYes.â He remains still as Ccino puts the newly made shirt over his head and carefully moves the slits he made in place. The tendrils move easily through it and seem to brush against his side and Ccino shudders. The goop is cool and sticks slightly. Still. He moves with purpose as he gets Nightmare into his new shirt. It is a bit too tight for the other and Nightmare frowns as he looks down at it. Ccino starts messing with the seams as he tries to gain a bit more room for Nightmare to move around in.
Ccino eventually needs to abandon that as he has to focus on the other parts. The cloak he made is easy in design and has a hood attached for Nightmare to use if needed. He quickly stitches in the familiar pattern of the moon phases at the button and around the neck before putting it over his shoulders.
Shit. The normal strings would just not be impressive enough.
Come on think. Think. Think.
Ccino sees a glimmer of gold and looks down. His jewellery!
Ccino quickly undoes the chain around his neck and clips each end on the cape. It works and gives it a nice shine. Mmh.
Ccino is quick to remove all his bracelets and other gold items as he moves around Nightmare. Putting some on the tendrils, which seem to really like wrapping around his arm or leaning against him. Ccino gives them gentle pats each time he needs to move or he removes them.
At the end his own clothes are much darker thanks to all the goop but Nightmare looks at least a little bit like a king. Ccino hopes that the distance from the others will be large enough that it isnât obvious that this is a very bad patch job but he did what he could.
Ccino nods as he grabs a spare outfit for himself and quickly changes. No longer the very clear offering but at this point Ccino thinks the best thing to do is to get the whole day over with before trying to pull everything back together.
Ccino nods to the twins as he speaks âOkay! That is all I can do. If we take much longer they will become impatient and we donât need them to be mad.â It is scary how easy it is for him to fall back into this role. How natural it always felt to speak to them as babysitter, caretaker and, he only dares to think it, older brother. Even with Nightmare now being a deity it still feels natural. It feels easy.
âWe will go out to the throne room and the guards will open the doors. More people will watch as the priest crowns Nightmare. After that they will party but it is fine if you two retire for the night at that point.â
Dream glares âNightmare shouldnât be crowned! I should be!â
Ccino flinches as he looks between the twins. Making sure to keep his voice calm as he speaks âI know Dream. But I donât think anyone will accept that. Not while the ritual and powers accepted NightmareâŠâ because that is what happened. Even if people seem to refuse to see it. According to all the rules known of the ritual. Nightmare completed each step. He has a new form and new power. He was accepted and ascended. Both to king and to be a god.
Ccino doesnât know if there are private rules he doesnât know but he wouldnât even know who would know. So this is the situation they have at the moment.
Dream shakes his skull and slaps Ccinoâs hand away. Yeah he figured. Ccino doesnât take it personally. âIt is wrong!â Dream glares at Nightmare.
Nightmare still has this glint in his sockets but each time he stares for too long at Dream, Ccino can see that Nightmare also focusses on him and the glint disappears.
Ccino focusses on Dream as he tries to calm the other down âI know you are angry Dream. But please. We donât have time to discuss this and-â
Dream shakes his skull âI donât care!â he glares at Nightmare âHow could you!â
Nightmareâs tendrils slowly rise âI donâtâŠâ
Dream doesnât listen and his hand finds an old bust and he swings it right against Nightmareâs skull. A loud crack of stone and bones as the bust falls to pieces.
Silence before shock overtakes any emotion Ccino feels. Ccino rushes over as Nightmare slowly rises to his full height. His new tendrils sharpening and rising themselves.
Ccino gets to them and stands between them again âNo! Both of you stop that. Dream! You know better than attacking your brother.â He shoots Dream a look.
Dream shakes as tears run down his angry face âHe stole my future!â
Ccino shoots him a disapproving look âAnd you just hit him with a stone bust.â He sighs as turns towards the door to see it slightly open. Of course this guy is listening in. Whatever! Ccino speaks loudly âCadet Rogers. Bring Dream to his room and stand guard. Make sure no one can bother the prince as the prince remains inside the room.â
Dream sputters âYou canât! You canât do that!â
Ccino gives him a disapproving look âYou are hurting. I know that. But you hurting is not an excuse to hurt others. You know your brother better than anyone and you should know that he would never hurt you unless he had a very good reason for it or had to. Instead of trying to communicate you attacked him. For this reason it is best to separate you two while we move on with the coronation.â
Dream shakes in rage as he looks down âI was supposed to be king.â
Ccino doesnât feel good about this. But too much is counting on this. They can work on mending their relationship when Nightmare has the crown and people remain loyal. Than they can talk and relax. Cadet Rogers takes the prince away to his room and Ccino turns to Nightmare.
He only now realises that he had his back to Nightmare the whole time. That he had his back to someone who had his tendrils sharpened moments ago. But Nightmare looks calm and⊠he is leaning against the hand Ccino had held out to signal Nightmare to stay back. Ccino hadnât even noticed as he tried to manage Dream.
Ccino checks his outfit once more before checking the skull. He canât see anything. The goop is all liquid and hiding everything and Ccino isnât sure if he can wipe it away safely âNightmare? Does it hurt?â They are alone now. Ccino is too distraught to bother with titles unless he has to. Which he will have to in a few minutes.
Nightmare keeps staring at his hand âHe⊠attacked meâŠâ
Ccino frowns and nods âI knowâŠÂ I am sorryâŠâ he should have expected something like this. He should have made sure they were both safe. He just⊠he hadnât thought⊠He should have considered this a possibility as Dream had been hurt by this.
Nightmare shakes slightly.
Ccino feels so bad for this âNightmare. I know this is a lot but we canât wait. People are waiting and have high expectations. You need to be crowned. Do you understand?â
Nightmare is quiet for a moment before nodding.
Ccino sighs âGood⊠good.â He makes sure to stand tall âLetâs get to work.â And he leads Nightmare out.
-----
Ccino is exhausted. The whole day had been exhausting and Ccino isnât even sure if he can still recall everything that happened. Ccino justâŠ
He just wants to sleep.
He rolls up in his bed. Now dressed in PJs as he tugs his blanket around. It is much too late for him. But he will need to be up early tomorrow to help Night- their king get ready for his first official day as king. Not to forget he needs to visit prince Dream and make sure he is okay.
Ccino is so tired and-
A knock on his door.
Ccino frowns. That is unusual. He walks towards his door and glances through the keyhole. He stares in shock before opening the door wide and bowing âMy king. What do I own you this visit?â
His king stands there. A frown on his face âMy⊠My motherâs room feels⊠wrong⊠I canât sleep there. Dream hates me and does not wish to share his room. I wanted to sleep with you.â He still struggles with his sentences.
Ccino feels his soul freeze for a moment with the last part but he can see Nightmare means it literally. He doesnât want to be alone.
Ccino isnât sure why he can still read Nightmare just like he used to. You would think that Ccino lost that skill when Nightmare gained a new body. But even if the body is different. Even with his face being different. Ccino can still read him like he always does.
Ccino nods âOf course. Please come in.â he holds the door open and Nightmare walks in. He stands in the middle of the room seemingly lost.
Right. He doesnât have any clothes in his new size. Ccino adds that to the mental to do list for tomorrow as well. Making sure their king has clothes that actually fit him. For now Ccino opens his drawer and searches it. He has a few oversized dress shirts and hopes it is big enough. He hands one over to Nightmare.
Nightmare looks at it before undressing and dressing in the clothing item. Ccino grabbed a spare pillow from the cabinet in the hall before throwing that on his bed as well.
It takes a moment but then they are both in Ccinoâs bed. Nightmare gives a full body shudder and tugs his face and skull right by Ccinoâs neck and shoulder.
Ccino has the strongest sense of dĂ©jĂ vu. Of when Nightmare was much smaller and he had night terrors. How Nightmare would use the servants tunnels to get to his room and climb into his bed at night. How they would make little blanket forts on days when everyone told Nightmare he wasnât good enough. How Nightmare would climb into his bed when he was sad.
Nightmare⊠Nightmare may not look or feel or sound like the Nightmare Ccino knows. But it is still Nightmare. It is still his little Nighty.
Ccino hugs the large being closer âSshh⊠it is okay⊠I am here.â
Nightmare shakes and shudders âPlease⊠Please stay⊠I am so scaredâŠâ
Ccino tightens his hold on the other and holds him close âI am here Nighty. I swear on my soul.â
That seems to do it as Nightmare just holds unto him tightly. Tight enough that Ccino can feel his nails grip into his back. Ccino can feel those new tendrils circle him and hold him closely. Ccino just keeps holding unto Nightmare, keeps him in an embrace.
Eventually Nightmare falls asleep. Ccino canât even find it in himself to care about the rumours this will cause. About the rumours that will follow after Nightmare leaves Ccinoâs room.
Ccino doesnât care. He will help and assist Nightmare. Everything will be alright.
#utmv#NewAgeAU#nightmare sans#dream sans#ccino sans#gifted drabble#writing#And we did it!#Important to note. that after a few weeks. once things are calm again.#that Ccino realises⊠that the thought to leave and escape in the confusion never even acquired#Even if he realises later on that that would ahve been the easiest moment to leave#or after when nightmare was still shakey in comment.#a lot of servants and maids left in this period.#And Nightmare fired even more.#I think that in the few weeks after nightmare was made king. After he banished dream.#There were VERY FEW people still working in the castle.#barely anyone. a skeleton crew if you will (I will leave for my bad joke)#As for what happened to captain falks?#Ngihtmare did not take kindly to this person coming to him and suggesting ccino should be whipped for taking comment for a while there.#spot. we never decided if nightmare did or did not kill people so what happened to these type of people is still a bit of a mystery#sera also was very quickly fired. she disresepcted ccino once when nightmare was near and she was banished.#I do imagine that for a while ccino was pretty much every ruling position in the name of nightmare. as he got himself together.#so yeah if ccino didn't trust you? you were out. banished. fired. everything.#ccino had so much power. He did nothing with it aside from trying to get everything ready for nightmare.#There is a reason. why these two trust each other.#and also why captain rogers respects ccino so much.#because he saw ALL of it. from the start.#This guy saw this servant rush to stop a fight between a newly made god and his brother. and succeed.#then managed to get everything back in order and going.#That sticks with you.
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I mean Iâm obsessed with crash landing on you because itâs like if a hallmark movie was good and that is fascinating to my brain and healing to my heart.
#I didnât think such a thing was possible#Iâve been living very much in a world of extremes lately re: Art#like. on the one hand all the great works I teach just taking OVER my brain#and my knowledge of them deepening at a very rapid pace#(sometimes in a too terrifying way so I feel like Iâm hurtling down a hill. itâs actually really hard sometimes and I think part of how)#(my anxiety is manifesting itself. like. I just. I donât feel like Iâve taken a deep breath in a year)#(Iâve just been in. motion.)#and then on the other hand finding new ways to find shows like Bridgerton dead#and Bridgerton helps with that because it is emotionally hollow. because it is fundamentally embarrassing#because Anthony snarling at Kate about how his honor is hanging by a thread isnât sexy at all#so my mind has kind of just been living in those two extremes and there hasnât been a lot of room for gentleness or nuance#but cloy is very healing đ and it just doesnât#push the buttons in my brain that immediately need to analyze and#to some extentâdestroy! tear apart! with fierce and savage energy.#it just lets my brain and heart exist.#and also there is something so sweet and pure and real about so much of it#I think itâs cause itâs true love đ and itâs that simple.#(Iâve also outgrown/moved on from some of the more mediocre things I used to love. Like I just needed something new) but yeah.#it has been very hard in my brain lately even though itâs also been very good#like. teaching is just a lot these days. because it takes sooooooo much effort and work to get the kids going intellectually speaking#and one of the only ways I know how to reach them. or at least the lane Iâm really driving in right now#(I know there are more ways)#is simply speaking to them above their heads. with passion and energy and a certain degree of expertise#and itâs WORKING#because it wakes them up and makes them want to engage#but I am also moving so fast and so vulnerably for all of my certainty. that itâs just hard.#I need to relax but I canât. I feel like the devil is behind me every second#this is dramatic. and as Lewis said in surprised by joy itâs only one layer of whatâs happening#but it is what happening#a lot of things are unfolding/growing and also the anxiety is terrible
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Bleh
#thinking about shit#getting really tired and stressed with everything going on#and I'm seriously starting to wonder if this is my next breaking point#and if I'm going to be forever worse bc I kept pushing myself with my me/cfs#that's the fucking scary thing about it; not knowing if I'm doing to accidentally do something wrong and make myself permanently worse#and I don't know how to explain these fears other than fucking terrifying#to literally be entirely unaware of the true limitations of your body and not knowing if you're going to make yourself worse by accident#I cannot wait for the move to be over#once we have a legal address together I can get on my husbands insurance and beg him to quit#I am incapable of working a traditional job as it is but I'm forced to because I have no other options#so I'm already pushing myself on a regular basis#and I fear every flare up is just going to be my new normal#and what if it is just a flare up? I have to keep working I have to do my job I have to do chores I have to pack#will working myself this hard during the flare up lead to something worse?#I can't do this anymore I just fucking can't#I can't stand not knowing if this past year is going to permanently incapacitate me#I'm already reliant on my husband for everything short of carrying me to the bathroom and wiping my ass for me#I hate not being independent and I hate the idea that I might be stuck in this much pain and this much fatigue for the rest of my f'in life
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RATS are NOT your friends at night while you're reading a scary book
#so if you didnt know. rats are nocturnal#so its 2am where i am rn. my room is pitch dark because i have my blinds shut#and im reading a scary book. lots of spooky creatures and body horror and haunted shit#and my rats. are knocking shit over and chewing on things and generally being menaces#or theyll go silent for a minute abd i think theyre chilling and then all of a sudden theyll drop a toy or something#and scare the shit out of me#they use their spooky little hands to climb on the bars of their cage. and they use their spooky little teeth to aggressively eat kibble#and i gave them new toys today. these edible foraging toys that they love#but that means my room is full of the sound of pulling on bars. or the clicking of a water bottle. or chewing. so muvh chewing#and im reading about this dead body come back to life. with like all of her bones broken. killing a guy in the most grotesque way#and its altogether a very bad experience#i was bored for the first 70ish pages but then it got really fucking good and im hooked. but its also terrifying#the rats have gone silent but now my dog is shifting in his kennel outside my room#both are terrifying. why are my rats silent. why is my dog moving. when will he move next#these animals are harassing me. whats next. my sibling's rabbit is going to break in? in roommate's cat will start scratching at the door?#if my landlord is reading this then ignore all of these tags. we only have a dog sir. no rodents or felines or whatever tf a rabbit is here#ah the rats are making sounds again. terrible horrifying sounds#i have to piss but im scared to get out of bed. i think i live here now. in bed. i cant leave#on a somewhat related note i really want to make deviled eggs rn but i have roommates that are trying to sleep#on one hand i miss living alone. on the other it makes me feel safer to have two other people here with me#even if the threat is only my imagination#and my mischievous critters
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#ok Iâm gonna admit#Iâm terrified Iâm not going to have enough money to get to Canada much less stay there for long#Iâm terrified that Iâm going to go chasing my dream only to have something else get in the way#maybe itâll be my bad choices from the past that come back to bite me like they often do#or my lack of foresight in the past or something#Iâm so scared that Iâm going to try for the best and have it end up like always#that Iâll reach for the stars and end up falling on my face#because Iâve done that before. thatâs old news. itâs kinda my MO#but just imagine what would happen if I reached for something and it worked for once#just imagine what would happen if I could prove to myself that itâs possible to achieve the things I set my mind to#just imagine what would happen if for once I could finally prove to myself that I can live my own life the way I want to#that I donât have to be beholden to the circumstances Iâm in#that if I donât like the hand Iâm dealt I am allowed to bide my time and then change out the cards#wouldnât that be something?#wouldnât that be#amazing#Hereâs to hoping I make it when I jump off that ledge and into my new life
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this time of the year is bad
#got traumatized in october. had a total of 12 hours before i had to go be a person again and ignore it#i feel like my dad thought i was overreacting. you are much bigger than me and i have my brother to care for#i am now. terrified of strangers and going outside#more than before#my concentration is not working#i start art one month and finish it 3 months later but its nothing special#this is art for Me. i cant even do anything for me#i cant get any time alone i cant draw when people are around#i hate drawing on my phone#i hate drawing on my pc because the brain says thats where hw is done#thats where my mom gives me several new forms to print#you cannot fast travel when there are enemies around#it is so so stupid but my friend is playing a game his other friend recommended and not what i recommend#and it happens a lot and im upset about it like a little bitch lmao#my sister makes fun of my interests. usually without heat but i need to experience things with people#i dont want to get into my friends interests. im tired of doing that#i dont want to share my interests they wont like them#i am so so so terrified of getting into new things because what if something bad happens#i was friends with someone bad up until 2020#and now im terrified of making new friends. and terrified of people sexualizing my oc lmao#its all so funny. every little thing piles up. alone none of this matters#my mom keeps trying to get me to decorate for the holidays. bro fuck the holidays#she literally threatened me because i wouldnât put up the tree in November#shes not working cause shes sick so i have to spend the next 4 days around her#i cant do ANYTHING when sheâs around#YOU CANNOT FAST TRAVEL WHEN THERE ARE ENEMIES AROUND!!!!!!#im so fuckinb tired. i shouldnât be this tired#i spend all my energy surviving and i dont even do much
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one day i will be strong enough to actually say how i feel
#at dinner âwe were talking about dating as a concept and i was saying how like i havent been seeing anyone else lately bc ppl Piss me off#and also just bc ive been too busy with work. so i just havent had time to be a hoe on top of that anyways#but. i keep seeing him because He does not piss me off. i like him. but i couldnt even say that#anyways he was like 'yeah i don't really know what i'm looking for rn' and my dumbass was just like 'yeah me neither' on auto response#but ofc i know what it is that i am looking for it is just a reality i am kind of still terrified of so i say nothing about it ehehehe#but hey we mutually agreed that we're looking for someone to try new things with which makes me feel hopeful#and we spent the whole night together for the first time !!! it was rly nice!! i told him i wanna do it again n he seemed happy abt tht lol#and im gonna introduce him to my best friend :) i rly think theyd get along lol. and she is like family to me#maybe next time... i can at least tell him that he makes me rly happy. he can definitely tell but. i wanna tell him SOMETHING aaaa
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Idk if you've ever written it, but like, hotch having to save bau!r after she's been kidnapped and tourtered and shit and when hotch finds them, babes is BLEEDING and shit and like barely coherent but spewing the absolute most random bullshit to hotch bc their panicking and whatnot?
thank you for requesting đ fem, 1.2k
Hotch has felt sick for three days.Â
He stands with his ear pressed to his shoulder, as though holding the ear piece further in will bring news of you quicker. His hands are up and ready, torch and firearm held aloft, wrists crossed.Â
Morgan has to go in first. Morgan, because if youâre dead, Hotch will take actions that will disbar him from being Unit Chief. He canât keep his head, not if youâre gone. His anger will swallow him whole, and he will do things that canât be forgiven.Â
His stomach churns, waiting, waiting, waiting. The sky is dark as pitch and the house they surround doesnât stir for a time.Â
Then, low and long, carrying heavy through the air like a sledgehammer to his chest, is the reed of your screaming. Itâs a strangled sound, sobbing to begin with, begging as it ends. Hotch hears your, âNo, no, please! Please! Please.â Your third please fractures into a writhing scream as the pain begins again.Â
Hotchâs arms twitch, threatening to fall to his sides. Youâre alive, butâŠÂ
âOkay, weâre going in,â Morgan says through the ear piece, clearly having heard the same agony as Hotch. âRight now. Team two with Hotch. Everyone ready?âÂ
You must have screamed so loudly for it to get through walls. Thatâs all Hotch can think as he follows behind the second team, the sounds of cracking wood and tight footsteps ahead.
Heâs not in the room, but heâs down the hall, he can hear the fuss as he hurries forward. âDrop the weapon!â Morgan shouts, evidence of his own anger in the sheer booming volume of his voice. âDrop the weapon now! Drop it!âÂ
A sharper crack as a bullet hits something and a thud. Hotch forces himself into the room just in time to see a large, short-haired figure fall to the floor.Â
Youâre covered in red and purple and brown, blood in long lines and gushing from deep wounds, a mess of it. He doesnât even know where to start, your gutted, exhausted sobbing like a knife in his stomach, your limp hands hanging either side of the strange chair youâve been strapped to. âMorgan,â you say, audibly relieved and yet your pain obvious and electric as you gasp for air, âMorgan, you have to get me out.âÂ
âIâve got you,â Hotch says, holstering his gun in one breath and by your side the next.
A SWAT agent begins to saw through your binds with a serrated knife. Hotchâs hands stutter on the metal ends of the chair, wanting to touch you but terrified heâll put a hand in a wound he hasnât noticed.Â
âHotch,â you say, and your relief is worse now. Like you arenât covered in your own blood, like his being there has fixed everything.Â
âY/N,â he says back, holding your elbow carefully, âitâs okay, itâs all right.âÂ
âYou have to get the straps off of me. I need to go home-â
âI know, thatâs what weâre doing. Weâll get them off of youââ
ââI have to go home, Hotch. You have to take me home.âÂ
He knows that medical are close behind them, theyâre coming in just as soon as the building has been cleared, and thereâs more than enough agents to have it done in the next thirty seconds. He has to assess you in that time. He can take care of you.Â
The SWAT agent cuts your last bindings and you immediately attempt to get up, gasping in pain when four hands push you down at the same time. âSit down,â Hotch says, âY/N, just stay there, just for a second.â
âNo, no, let me down, I need to go home, I havenât looked after anything andâ and the laundryâs piled up, andââ
âHoney,â he says firmly, âIâm gonna take you home. I am.â He meets your eyes, panic and tears and concerning bloodshot clouding your vision. âIâm gonna take you home, but please stay still. Just until the EMS is here. Just so they can look at you.âÂ
âI want to go home now,â you say, nearly shrieking, grasping at his arm. Itâs so loud in the room with so many people speaking that heâs almost glad for it.Â
Your fingers slide down his sleeve and leave streaks of gore in their wake. Your hands are caked in your own blood. Done with his bargaining, you push up into his arms and get onto one of your feet, an incredible amount of force behind you as you get your way. Your knees buckle immediately âHotch scoops you up and dumps you back in your chair, even as you cry and cry into his chest.Â
âNo, I need to go home, I have so much to do, I canât stay here,â you whine, pain eating at your voice, your fingers weakening where theyâre pressed to his stomach.Â
âI promise Iâm going to take you home,â he says, ducking to speak directly into your ear. âDo you trust me? I promise Iâm going to take you back home. Please, please, sweetheart, trust me.âÂ
You hiccup, tears thick running down your cheeks, and orange where they collect at your chin, chest heaving as you border incoherency. âI do trust you. Iâ I trust you, I justââ
He takes a showful breath. âDeep breath. Iâll bring you home soon.âÂ
âAll my plants are dead,â you mumble, blood smudging over your eyelids as you rub them harshly.Â
Hotch holds your wrists.Â
â <3Â
He keeps his promise (though you donât remember him making it, not beyond what Morgan recounts). Hotch takes you home when youâre well enough to be there, and he, done with pretences, stays for a while as you recover.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you ask, more tired than youâve ever been in your life, peering at him through sticky lashes where you lay in bed.Â
Heâs odd to see without shoes. âNothing,â he says, misting the leaves of your window plant with a frown. âJust hoping I can bring this one back to life.âÂ
Youâre not sure why heâs so worried about the plants. It canât be judgement; he knows exactly why they died.Â
Well. Whatever professionalism was between you is well and truly gone. You wonder what it is you said to him that made him finally snap, but it was nice to wake up with his hand in yours, and itâs nicer still to see him each morning. When you clear your throat and look at him longingly, you know without asking that heâs going to find his way back to your side, and kiss your cheek, hands smelling of fresh soil. He does it all with ease.Â
âYou brought me back to life,â you joke weakly.Â
âI had much more help than the plants.â Heâs been panicky around you sometimes since he found you again, but not scared. He tilts your face gently one way and then another. âYou look pretty, but very tired. Why donât you sleep some more, hm?âÂ
âCan I⊠I mean, do you think you couldâŠâÂ
He takes your arm as he settles in to comfort beside you. His fingers begin to trace a gentle line down your arm, meandering around cuts and bruises.Â
You close your eyes, hesitant of the darkness. âAre you sure Iâm okay?â you ask quietly.Â
âYouâre home, honey. Safe and sound.âÂ
#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner blurb#aaron hotchner drabble#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner fanfic#aaron hotchner fanfiction#hotch x reader#hotch#hotch x you#hotch blurb#hotch drabble#criminal minds
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Sundered 2: EMBERS
Pairing: Gojo x reader
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Alt. Ending
Genre:Â Angst
tags/cw:Â angst, mean!gojo(kinda), babydaddy!gojo, babymomma!reader, motherhood, insecurities, arguments, implied pregnancy, mentions of abortion
word count: 5.4k
a/n: it's not sad.
Pining so intensely for something you never had to the point where you physically ache.
Each step that you take away from Satoruâs house feels like a stomp to your already broken heart. Your eyebrows furrowed, feeling the waterlines of your eyes start to get hot and itch. You recalled the noises and laughs that you heard from them while you walked out of their door.Â
They have no idea how much you want to get down on your knees and beg them not to take away the only thing you have left.Â
Your feet feel heavy with each stride you make toward your car. You could taste blood inside your mouth as you bit your inner lip to channel the pain away from your heart and to your body instead. You found yourself looking for answers on why all of this has to happen to you. As if being replaced by the man you love so easily and having to see how he treats someone else a thousand times better than you were not enough, you also have to witness your own flesh and blood turn away from you. Am I really that far behind that woman?
Is she that much better that even my own child prefers her over me?
You placed your hands on the steering wheel, looking down at your lap as you let the tears fall. You kept glancing over at the gate, hoping that Satoru would come out, running with your baby in his arms. Yet, you donât want him to see you crying miserably. You swallowed thickly, letting out a large breath in an attempt to get rid of the painfully heavy feeling in your chest.
Driving away was numbing, and all sorts of thoughts ran inside your mind. But above all of them, your eyes were focused on the toy store as it got bigger in your view. You wondered about what you could get your little love to at least make her smile when she comes home. You remembered how your gift to her, her favorite bear that she used to hug as she sleeps ever since she was an infant, was cast aside as she clings to her new ones.Â
Is that a foreshadowing of how youâd end up being in her life? It scared you.
Reaching the parking lot of the store, you looked at yourself in the car mirror, noticing your bloodshot eyes. You inhaled and let a big breath out slowly, puffing your cheeks as you assured yourself that itâll be fine when she comes home later. Your head hurts so much but you canât afford to care, stepping out of your car and heading to the front door of the store. The first thing you saw was a pregnant, young lady checking baby books.Â
She reminded you of yourself when you were still pregnant with Yui; curious about everything, eager to learn, and all was about the baby. You admit that it wasnât like that at first, given that you were young and had to drop out of college at that time. You were anxious, torn between decisions, and terrified of what life would be like for you from that point in time. During that period, you and Satoru were ignorant but trying hard to figure everything out.
You met Satoru at a nightclub where you worked as a bartender. He was flashy, and women just flock to him as if it was the most natural thing to do around him but that night, his eyes were on you. What with persistent offers of buying you drinks and talking to your manager to let you off early for the night, you ended up in a luxurious hotel suite with him.Â
He even wrote his number on the price tag of the fancy lingerie set that he bought you after he ruined the one you were wearing the previous night. He was joking that youâll never get enough so heâs providing you his contact for next time. You thought that would be the end of it. You didnât think that it was just fate giving you a helping hand in advance because youâd end up with a child together.Â
You consider it a dumb mistake. You know that Plan Bs exist. But with a working student like you who couldnât even have time to get a proper boyfriend, it slipped your mind. The first thing you did after you got the results was call Satoru. You thanked the heavens that he wasnât seeing anyone, and that he remembers you. It was a tense meeting, what with you asking if he wants you to abort the fetus. Next thing you know, you two were already dealing with your mood swings.Â
âLook, I really want to work this out with you, Y/N. For the baby.â Satoru sighed, slamming the door behind him as he watched you sit on your old couch. You lean your elbows on your knees as you covered your face with your hands, harshly running them down your cheeks to wipe away the big, fat tears that fell from your eyes. There are just so many things going on with your life.Â
âIâm only 21, Satoru. I got my whole life ahead of me.â You looked up at his tall figure, frustration was evident in your eyes. You can tell that he was also distressed. His hair was messy, his jaw was clenched tightly, and even if you cannot see behind his tinted glasses, you can tell that he hasnât been getting enough sleep. The dark half-circles under his eyes and the redness in them show just how exhausted and disquieted he has been in the past few days.
Satoruâs five years older than you. He was born to a rich family of politicians who don't and probably will never need support from him or the other younger generations in their household. He has a stable source of income, he could probably make life investments that could cover your yearly living expenses. He has nothing to worry about, he wonât be dropping anything if he decides to take in another mouth to feed. But youâŠ
Youâre basically your motherâs retirement plan and now you got pregnant with a kid of a man you barely know. âY/N, listen to me.â He got down on his knees in front of you, trying to take your hands off of your face as you sob, struggling to catch your breath. Whatâs going to happen to you now? You didnât even get to finish the degree that your mother was working her ass off day and night for.
âYou wonât have to worry about anything, you know? Iâll handle everything you needââ He trailed, trying to calm you down as he gently grabbed your forearms. âYou donât understand!â You cut him off, snatching your hands away, aggravated that heâs not thinking about how it could affect everything in your life. âThen, what the fuck do you want to do?!â You flinched as he raised his voice at you, breathing hard as he backed away.
âYou think youâre the only one whoâs going to be affected by this? You think youâre the only one whoâs being robbed of another future! Open your fucking eyes, stop being selfish!â Satoru snapped back, harshly taking his glasses off before throwing it across the room. You started to cry, whimpering as you used the collar of your shirt to wipe your tears away.
âIâm scared, Satoru. Iâm just so scared. I canât even take care of myself, how am I supposed to raise a childâŠâ You broke down, turning your body away from him. There was a long pause, a moment of pure silence, save from your sniffs and Satoruâs ragged breathing.Â
You felt the couch dip as he sat down before pulling you to him, letting you cry on his chest. âI know, I know. Iâm sorry.â You would be lying if you said that the back rub, the temple kisses, and his whispers of reassurance didnât calm you down. Those thoughts were recurring in your head and now that you finally let it all out and got answers from him, you were soothed.
You blinked hard, shaking your head to get out of your trance. You went straight to the dolls section. You canât believe you just had a flashback of Satoru comforting you in the warmth of his chest. Your mouth started to twitch, wishing that he held you like that earlier when his girlfriend was slapping into your face that theyâre gonna give your child siblings. It shouldnât hurt you, but it still did. You realized that this girl, this woman is gonna have everything you wish you had with Satoru.
You walked past the kiddie pools and trampoline section, stopping when you saw a playpen, almost similar to the one Satoru bought for your little girl but smaller. The size doesnât really matter though, because you know that you donât have enough space in your place for something so big, anyway.Â
Going closer to check the prices, you bit your lip as your eyebrows bumped together. You were calculating your monthly expenses along with the money for your savings in case of emergency. Itâs expensive but youâre determined to cut back just to buy it. You kept your eyes on the tag as you took half a step away from it but your back was met by something, or rather someone behind you.
âItâs not cheap, is it?â A manâs deep voice boomed as you turned around, but your eyes were met by a broad chest. Heâs big, you thought. Heâs literally blocking your view. It didnât help that you were short enough to have to look up to see his face. He was also staring at the playpen as he held the pushcart beside him.
âY-yeahâŠâ You answered, a bit awkward as you found yourself admiring the guy. You admired fathers who are active when it comes to their children. You grew up without a father so, you just found it endearing. You looked away from the man, gritting your teeth as an image of Satoru and his girlfriend shopping for baby things appeared before your eyes for a split second.
âExcuse me, sir. I still have to buy my daughter a gift.â You bowed slightly before turning away. He just nodded his head, too occupied to even look at you. You proceeded to check out the little dolls, hoping that youâd find something thatâll really catch your daughterâs eye. Picking up a dark-haired baby doll with big blue eyes sitting on a stroller, you smiled as you remembered how it has the same eyes as your baby.
You went to pay for the doll, and your heart was filled with joy despite the throbbing pain in your skull and the hot feeling behind your eyes. You reminded yourself not to forget to take your medicine. Thinking about getting sick and having to leave your child for a couple of days with them again makes you anxious, afraid that sheâll never want to go home to you again.Â
You hurriedly went home, driving in the midst of the rain. You put the little doll on the chair, ready to surprise your baby girl when she comes back. You had to bear with the time, constantly checking your phone if your little girl and her dad are on the way to you. Your heart swelled at the thought.Â
Though, you know that youâll never be the one he comes home to, itâs still nice to think about.Â
â--------------------------------
âShe really called me Mama.â Naomi giggled as she kissed his daughterâs cheek. Satoru smiled, watching them play together warms his heart. It made him feel like he was staring at his family even if he knows that his daughter isnât hers. He pursed his lips, remembering the look in your eyes at what you heard the child say.
He felt conflicted, not knowing how to react to all of it. He doesnât want to embarrass his girlfriend by correcting her in front of you. But he also felt bad that he just watched you walk out that door on the verge of tears. Satoru had you memorized after all this time, it wasnât a long time but he used to watch everything you do.
âI donât think itâs a good idea, though.â Satoru sighed, shaking his head as he pushed a bit of Naomiâs hair away from her face. Her expression dropped as she adjusted the toddler in her arms. Satoru pulled her close to his side, hugging her waist as he thought about how to explain it to her without making her feel disheartened.
âIâm worried about how Y/N will feel about it, to be honest. I donât know but it may worry her.â He kissed the side of her forehead before stepping away as he watches his daughterâs eyes look at them. He knows that sheâs still too young but he feared that sheâll get confused by all of this.Â
Like why is her father not with her mother, and why is he holding someone else?
He wondered if sheâll grow to hate him for giving up on their family. âOh, Is that soâŠI thought we were fine already.â Naomiâs voice was quiet as she bit her lip, making Satoru rethink. âItâs not that, I just think that maybe thatâs how she might feel.â Satoru took one of her hands, kissing it before rubbing his thumb on her soft skin. âNo, I understand, I got too comfortable. Iâm just a girlfriend, I shouldnât have done that.âÂ
Satoru doesnât want to make her feel like this, sheâs just really attached to his baby. He knows that Naomi adores kids, they often joke around about it, so he could see why sheâs excited about his daughter calling her Mama. Thinking about it now, maybe this shouldnât be so bad. After all, sheâs not gonna be just a girlfriend to him forever, right? Naomi is a great person, and Satoru thinks that itâs not impossible to have a future with her.
âDonât say that. Thatâs just my assumption. Sheâll tell if itâs not alright, I know. Weâre co-parenting so we have to talk about those stuff.â Three squeezes to her hands made Naomi smile sweetly at him, her eyes as kind as the stars. âYeah, discussions are important. I donât want her to feel like Iâm trying to keep her away from us.â The calmness in her voice comforted Satoru.
â-------------------------------------
After receiving a text from Satoru, you found yourself staring at the mirror, retouching your makeup like itâs gonna make him fall for you. Hopeless. Not long after, the doorbell rang and you dashed to the door. There, Satoru stood with Yui asleep on his shoulders. You took her bags, along with the teddy bear that she was hugging to her chest. Seeing her holding it again made you feel relieved.
âAre you feeling better now?â Satoru inquired, walking past you to put your kid in her little bed. You hummed in response, âSheâs full, donât give her any more milk. Naomi fed her before she fell asleep.â Her again. You thought as the small smile on your face dissipated. Youâre just thankful that he didnât take her with them here.
There was a moment of silence as the two of you watched your daughter sleep peacefully. A sigh escaped Satoruâs lips before he turned to you. He was about to say something, but closed his mouth, thinking. You took a deep breath, pursing your lips as you collected your thoughts. You started to rub your hands together, trying to get rid of the cold feeling on your fingertips.
Your communication issues with Satoru only worsened when he got a girlfriend. Seeing how he is with her made you doubt the importance of your words to him. Itâs like if you get stuck in a room together with her and something happens, youâre almost certain that heâd accuse you first. You wouldnât admit it but you yearn for him. You yearn for the way he acts towards her. You yearn for the things he does for her.Â
You yearn for the things he so easily, willingly offer to her; things you had to beg for when you were still together.
âSatoru, I just want to askâŠSince when did Yui start to call Naomi Mama?â You looked at the ground, somewhat embarrassed of your question but canât pinpoint why. It just made you feelâŠweak and insecure. And you are that. But you canât let Satoru see it. You donât want him to feel even more sorry for you. You can see it in his and his girlfriendâs eyes whenever they look at you. They probably pity you and the state you are in.Â
Alone. With no one to hold your pieces together but you.
âI donât really remember. Look, I was going to mention thatâŠâ Satoru trailed, looking everywhere but you. He probably noticed your discomfort earlier. âI know it doesnât seem right to you because sheâs just my girlfriend butâŠâ Hereâs the âbutâ again. How come he can always find the good when it comes to her, even when she literally did you so wrong by letting your daughter call her Mama and even acting like one in front of you?
Ever since Satoru got a girlfriend, arguing with him started to feel like fighting in a war without any type of armor in your body. How are supposed to stand strong, when the fact that heâll always be on her side was your weakness? There were times when you wanted to fight for yourself but you couldnât bear to because you know that he was shielding her from everything, heedlessly deserting you.
âI didnât really appreciate it. I mean⊠I-I just think sheâs not in the place toââ You thought the words you chose to describe the situation were too risky when you were cut off by Satoru, taking his glasses off. You canât read him but heâs looking at you with that apologetic gaze again. His face was filled with contrite and you canât quite understand why. But like a mouse sensing danger, you wanted to run away.
âIâŠIâm thinking about proposing to Naomi.â It shouldnât hurt. You told yourself again. You donât have the right to feel hurt. This man disrespected you, hurt you, and made you feel so incredibly small yet here you are, wishing you were the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. âI know sheâs just my girlfriend now, but itâs bound to change.â You suddenly just wanted him to leave. âSheâŠsheâd like to ask for permission to let our daughter call her Mom. You know she treats Yui like sheâs herââÂ
âI donât want to.â You whispered firmly through gritted teeth, cutting Satoru off. You donât wanna hear it anymore. You canât go through that again and you canât let that happen again. âYui is my daughter, and I donât want her calling anyone else Mama.â You looked up at him with glassy eyes before turning away to walk out of the room, not wanting to startle the toddler from her slumber. Satoru was instantly on your tail, calling your name.
âSheâs my daughter, too. Y/n, what is wrong? I know that you have your limitations and thatâs why Iâm here to talk about it with you, but why are you acting like this?â He walked closer to you, trying to catch your eyes. âI know itâs not just about this, I know youâve been having problems with her but give a reason, at least. Sheâs been nothing but good to our kid. â Itâs getting hard for you to breathe as you tried to process your emotions and his questions.
You proceeded to the kitchen, hurrying to grab yourself a bottle of water before you collapse, but failing terribly when Satoru spoke the next sentence âY/N, we all have to adjust, donât be unfair to her, she doesnât deserve it.âÂ
âAnd I do?!â You shouted at him, taking him by surprise and making him take a step back.Â
âYou think she doesnât deserve any of that shit but I DO?!â You lamented, shaking your head in pain and disbelief. There were tears streaming down your face and no pattern of breathing can help you control it. You were able to keep it in when he shoved his new girlfriend in your face several months ago, but now itâs taking its toll.
You were about to get the clothes that he bought for your daughter on your way home from work but were met with a woman snuggled up to him on his couch. You hated him for allowing you to see them like that when he knows that you havenât even processed your split yet because a month before that, he was saying that he could fix his shortcomings for you and his daughter.Â
You remember how sick you felt in your stomach when he introduced her, saying that you werenât supposed to see them like that. Itâs revolting; how he thought that you were upset because of what you saw and not because he just went back on his words. Naomi kept her head down, standing in front of you as she muttered an apology before scurrying to Satoruâs room.Â
Naomi was his fatherâs new assistant and unlike you, she got to finish her studies. Despite being classmates in high school, she was three years older than you due to the frequent relocation of her family. Regardless of her tough childhood, she was known to be a smart kid. No wonder his mother approved of her in such a short amount of time.Â
You and Satoru were never perfect but it doesnât mean that you were never happy with each other before. The issues overpowered your interest in each other, making it hard for the two of you to bounce back. You admit that youâve been negligent of Satoru at a certain point of your relationship but it was only because you got tired of his ways.
He would come home late, making you stay up all night because he failed to reply when you texted him, asking him his whereabouts. Heâd be out drinking with friends, and it wasnât a problem but you just wanted him to at least let you know so wouldnât be worrying to the point that you canât even sleep.
His mother was overbearing. You got pregnant by someoneâs son in a one-night stand and thatâs all she paints you with. You were belittled and told that you canât even take care of the child properly. Hell, was she so eager for Satoru to leave you and find someone better who achieved something in life.
Consequently, this negligence led to fits of jealousy from Satoru. This drove you to quit the job you used to have after a coworker of yours who only wanted to help became the subject of his suspicions. His mother saw you getting dropped off by your friend while she was babysitting your daughter.Â
It was only because your car broke down and you donât want to bother Satoru at work. You couldnât really blame him for thinking that way because you know that heâs been feeling invisible to you which wasnât true. You just donât know how to deal with it anymore and you started to pull yourself away.
It got to the point where you couldnât even communicate how you truly feel about him because it was overshadowed by your problems. You were arrogant enough to tell him that someone could treat you right and do much better and now, look at you; standing before him and his girl. Longing for him and eating the words you spitefully told him.
Pining so intensely for something you never had to the point where you physically ache.
The memory was tormenting, heart-rending, and traumatic to you. And now you get to watch them write their happy ending while you are here, left in the dust, drowning in the feelings that will never ever get recognized and will never ever be relevant.Â
It hasnât even been a year, and heâs already planning to marry her. Heâs been nothing but better to her, yet, he couldnât even change his ways for you and your child? Couldnât he learn to truly love you after everything you endured just to be with him? You know that you have flaws, and chose some wrong steps and paths in your relationship.Â
But you canât bear to lose him like this. You know that you could have fought more for your relationship. Heâd always say that youâd work things out. So, why did he stop? How could he stop choosing you so easily?
âHow could you give her the world, yet refuse me the tiny bit of what I have left?âÂ
Your voice was small as you backed away, defeated. Satoru couldnât move. From everything that has happened that morning, he could tell that youâve been on edge. To Satoru, the only thing that connects you to him is his daughter. He refuses to believe that after all of that, you can still make it work.
At least, thatâs the realization he came about when he met Naomi. She taught him that love isnât supposed to be strenuous, it isnât always about fighting. Within his tumultuous relationship with you, she came around and showed him that heâs seen. That his feelings are valid. He came to the conclusion that maybe he just wanted to love you because you have a child together.Â
âTiny bit?â He asked, frustrated that you just wonât let this go easily, irked that you always think youâre the only one having a hard time. If Satoruâs being honest, heâs just tired of it all. He just wants you to understand his point and get it over with. But now youâre crying in front of him and again, he doesnât know what to do. He canât even think of the right things to say or the right decisions to make. Itâs like itâs all back to square one with you.
âYou call it âtiny bitâ when I couldnât even live my life because of you?! Iâve given everything, Y/N! I just want to be at peace with everything and Iâm obviously not having it with you!â You couldnât even breathe through the piercing ache in your chest from the daggers that are coming out of his mouth. Your hand reached over to your chest, grasping your shirt as his every word irreversibly pulverized your already wounded heart.
âI wish I never met you that night and I wish I never had Yui with you. Youâre a thorn in my side, Y/N!â By the time he finished screaming at you, you were shaking like a leaf, grabbing a chair beside your table as your wide eyes stared at him in shock. Grief, mortification, and agony were plastered on your face, and only then did Satoruâs words sink into him.
âY/N, Iââ Before he could even form a proper phrase, a loud cry erupted from the other room. Yui. He watched as you quickly wiped away your tears, seeing the emotions mix inside your eyes until they turned into a weeping void with all the tears pooling inside them.
âIâŠI loved you, Satoru. And I hate that even now that youâre kicking me while Iâm down for the sake of someone else, I still love you.â The crack in your voice had Satoru subconsciously moving closer to you, opening his arms to pull you into him but you were quick to flinch away, sniveling.
âPlease, justâjust go. Do whatever you want, just d-donât take Yui away. Iâm fine with it now, Satoru.â Itâs almost as though something in you died when he spoke those words to you. You donât know if he heard because you couldnât even hear yourself. You could feel the beat of your heart in your chest and each one of them sends a burning ache to your body. âJust go, please.â You whimpered as you bit your upper lip, looking down on the floor.Â
Satoru canât take his eyes off of your fragile figure as you leaned on the kitchen counter, slowly walking back to your daughterâs room. He remained unmoving until you exited the kitchen area. It was only after a few minutes that he decided to go, not bothering to wipe away the tears that rolled down his face as he listened to your muffled cries behind the closed door.
Each sob was filled with anguish that Satoru knows heâll never be able to erase.
â------------------------------------------------------
A few weeks later have passed yet Satoru still doesnât know what to make of himself. He couldnât focus on anything that he works on. He couldnât even workout properly, he always ends up getting angry. It was a good thing that both he and Naomi were swarmed with tasks; they didnât have time to interact any more than what their jobs would allow. If they did, Satoru isnât sure if heâll be able to focus on her. She still has time to visit every week, though. During those days, she spends her time with Satoru and sometimes, Yui.
He makes sure to free his time and himself completely when heâs with his daughter so he can give his full attention to her. Satoru picks her up from your house, same schedule as before. Sometimes itâs you, but other times, it was your mother. âAll I asked of you was to never break her, Gojo.â were the first words she spoke to him. Satoru canât look her in the eyes. Your mother was a kind woman, humble and unjudging. And to have her talking to him like that, Satoru was beyond ashamed.
He couldnât give her a reason, or an answer. All he did was apologize. Like he should. Naomi was unaware of it all and the proposal that Satoru was planning for her was set aside due to all that had happened. He just doesnât think itâs the right time to plan about it when his relationship with you is strained. Yes, youâre not together anymore but youâre still the mother of his child and he wants to be civil with you, at least.
Yui kept asking for you even when she was with him as if sensing that her Mama was hurting. Sheâs always carrying the new doll that you bought for her. Satoru once asked her if you cry and she would simply shake her head. He gets nothing out of it, of course, sheâs just a kid. But who else could he ask?
Satoru has no idea what you have been doing. He knows that you go to work, but other than that, heâs clueless about the places you go to and why your mother started babysitting his daughter more during the past few days. Satoru thought that maybe you just canât stand seeing him anymore and is refusing to face him whenever he picks his daughter up. You have every right and reason to despise him, after all.
So, now he stands on the other side of your door, wondering if heâll get to see your face this time or be welcomed with the frowning face of your mother. He knocked three times, like he always does, adjusting the collar of his shirt. To his surprise, it wasnât any of the two women he was expecting holding the door open for him.Â
âWho are you?â A shirtless man with a muscular build stood before Satoru, a curious yet accusatory gaze scanned him like he was an intruder in his own womanâs home. He leaned on his tattooed arm against the doorframe, blocking the tiny view he has of the inside. It pissed him off, clenching his jaw for a few seconds before speaking.
âWho are you?â Satoru bit back, raising his brows in an attempt to intimidate the guy. Heâs only a couple of centimeters taller than the stranger but heâs bigger. It wasnât a big deal to him until the man opened the door wider. A short, deep chuckle escaped his lips before a smug smirk appeared on his face.Â
Tilting his head, the man gave Satoru a clear look at the scratches adorning his nape and the purple and maroon marks on his jaw. It made Satoruâs blood boil, unreasonably so.
âThink you know who I am now?âÂ
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#angst#gojo satoru#gojo angst#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk#jjk x reader
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Hi! I'm getting my first MRI (for my brain, with contrast) and I am TERRIFIED! It sounds like you've had a few - any reassurance or advice? (No pressure to respond - you probably get lots of these!)
Itâs definitely a weird sensation and I understand the fear, but I actually donât mind them. Some labs offer things like music or aromatherapy to keep people calm (some people find the machine extremely claustrophobic and they are aware of this) so check with your radiology department to see if you can bring in your own playlist if you think thatâd help.
For my first MRI with the contrast they let me bring my childhood teddy bear and once I was situated in the tube, the lab tech placed him in my hands outside the machine so I could hold onto him, as well as the panic button that they give you so they can pull you out if you suddenly realize, yeah, actually, youâre claustrophobic and about to freak the fuck out.
Iâm someone who panics in enclosed spaces, but the MRI was actually okay. I knew I wasnât trapped because my feet were outside the machine and I just closed my eyes and made up fanfic in my head for forty five minutes đ
.
The drum spinning can be loud. So if youâre noise sensitive, ask about ear plugs.
I donât usually bother with the earplugs and sometimes just talk to the lab tech over the intercom if theyâre feeling chatty. They know Iâm an MCAS risk with the dye so they tend to chatter more with me than other people, I think. My first ever episode of MCAS anaphylaxis happened inside of a CT machine from the contrast dye (different dye from the MRI dye). So they know my PTSD from being in big whirly machines is through the roof and do what they can to help. If youâre extremely anxious let them know. Theyâre used to it.
Afterwards, donât be surprised if youâre dizzy or experience vertigo. I felt like Iâd been on a very fast spinning ride when they pulled me out.
The tech explained this was the MRI affecting my inner ear and itâd go away pretty quick. I think it took an hour for me to stop tripping over my own feet, so if possible Iâd suggest having someone there to drive you home/take a cab if you can.
Other than that, just try to make sure youâre well rested beforehand and give yourself something to look forward to after. I usually go to the bookstore or grab a new comic, but getting your favorite coffee or another little treat is a good idea too.
I hope your scan is uneventful and whatever reasons youâre doing in for resolves soon. Best of luck!
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I am massively busy with work and finalizing my Big Bang, but this idea just won't leave...
Steve and Eddie are both actors. They're in their mid thirties, well established, but they never starred together in anything. Steve tends to be cast in the same type, the dumb but pretty love interest, Eddie has lots of indie and disturbing movies under his belt. But this time, they both landed something big.
They get cast in the new Batman movie.
Steve is, of course, Batman. He insists on doing his own stunts. He refuses to get dehydrated for his shirtless scenes because he knows how damaging it is to both young men and women alike, he's not going to contribute to shitty expectations. The director (Dustin, duh!) sees something in him other directors never have - a potential for depth, for internal turmoil. He gives Steve the chance to prove himself as an actor and Steve pounces on it.
He's still very hot.
Eddie is cast as the Joker. He is a fan of the comics and scoffs at how absurd and deranged the character is becoming. He gets hired because he immediately says he doesn't think the character needs to rely on cheap tricks and shock value to be terrifying. Cutting off his face? Not cool. He suggests to play the Joker according to one of the older comics he has - one where the Joker is actually absolutely sane, but hides it to never be held accountable for his actions. The only person who ever saw through his ruse was Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Joker took care of that issue very quickly.
The chemistry between Steve and Eddie on screen is insane. They go toe to toe, it's impossible to look away when they interact. Eddie utilizes his bright smile to the maximum, tweaking it just right within moments so it becomes unsettling. The first time he laughs, Steve gets goosebumps.
Steve encompasses Bruce's loneliness so well Eddie's heart breaks for him. Dustin finds him in the trailer, giving himself gentle slaps over the face and muttering "you're evil, damn it, you don't want to comfort the Bat!!".
Batgirl (Robin) and Harley Quinn (Chrissy) find their slow descent into love hilarious. They all become good friends on the set.
Hopper, an acting veteran who plays Commissioner Gordon, grasps Steve's shoulder after an intense fight scene and mutters: "Good job, Steve, but maybe don't stare at his lips so much?"
Robin doesn't give him the same courtesy and once Dustin yells "Cut!", she screeches: "NOW KISS!"
The movie is a hit. People love the cast and the story, some of the OG fans complain as they always do, but the ratings are great, there are many interviews, panels, all of that.
And of course, there's gossip about Steve and Eddie being a thing, which enrages the macho Batman fanbase. Their Batman isn't gay!
But the rumors quickly disappear after an award ceremony where Eddie is nominated for the best supporting actor. He wins, of course. And as he gets up to accept the small statue and deliver a speech with enough "fuck"s to give the censor a headache, he drags Steve up and kisses him in front of the whole world.
A week later, Steve and Eddie are together in front of a camera again, answering questions in an interview.
The host asks: "What do you say to those fans that are disappointed, who say that their Batman isn't gay?"
Steve just snorts, pulls Eddie closer and answers: "They're right. Their Batman isn't gay. But he's definitely bi."
Also the comic story I'm mentioning exits and is short but fantastic. 10/10 recommend.
Oh also. The first spark happens when Steve sees Eddie's hair and blurts out: "Please tell me they're not making you cut it shorter. It's too gorgeous for that."
Also because people were asking about the comics - it's Batman Black and White - Case Study and it can be found on Tumblr HERE
#steddie#steddie drabble#steddie au#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#chrissy cunningham#actor au
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fic idea from 2020 that the paris special unearthed from the archives of my brain:
So far, there wasnât a single thing about this new reality that wasnât terrible. She was grounded, for some reason, which she didnât know about, and was therefore double grounded for breaking the rules of the grounding. Which she hadnât known about!
To make matters worse, when sheâd gone to text Alya to complain about the unfairness of it all, she realized she didnât have Alyaâs number. In fact, she didnât have anyoneâs number except her parents, Nadja Chamack, her grandmother, and someone called The Supreme.
She next turned to Tikki to vent, but when she checked her (admittedly cool) purse, she found her kwami wide-eyed, terrified, and most horrifiyingly, muzzledâwhich Marinette couldnât figure out a way to undo.Â
So she was stuck in the bakery on a Saturday morning with angry parents and no one to talk to and no ideas on how to get out of the worst version of Paris possible.
Which is when Adrien Agresteâs bodyguard walked in. Brief hope flared in her heart before extinguishing just as quickly when she saw he was alone.
Which she shouldâve expected. With how awful this world was, she wouldnât be surprised if Adrien didnât even exist here. She couldnât imagine a world this awful with him in it.
She bagged up the Gorillaâs order with a heavy heart and sent him on his way before looking out the bakery display window with a sigh.
Only to spot Adrien Agreste himself, with an asymmetrical haircut and thick kohl around his eyes, staring back at her. He was different than her Adrienâand she couldnât say she was a fan of the hairâbut he was just as handsome, and his eyes even more striking with the eyeliner.
When he noticed her looking, his eyes widened and his cheeks started to turn pink.
Was he blushing?
Marinette could feel her own cheeks heating up as he stared. She ventured a small, embarrassed wave, and heâhe!â
He lifted his own hand, brought it to his lips, and blew her a kiss.
Crash!
Marinette, along with about 300 macarons, toppled to the floor.
âGood morning, Marinette!â said Adrien Agreste, during a time that was decidedly morning but far too early to be described as âgood.âÂ
She scowled at him.
âGirl, you okay?â said Alya CĂ©saire, who wasâwho was speaking to her.
Right.
Alya CĂ©saire was speaking to her. Because Alya CĂ©saire, Hesperiaâs favorite lackey, was apparently Marinetteâs best friend.
And Adrien Agreste was the boy Marinette was in love with.
She plastered a smile on her face. âIâm great, Alya! Super dee duper. Absolutely swell. What a beautiful morning with all the sunshine and theâŠ. morning.â
Alya looked unconvinced.
âAnd the Adriens!â Marinette added hastily. âI mean, the Adrien. Because thereâs only one Adrien and he sure is⊠here. Hello Adrien! Your face is looking very attractive this morning, because you are an attractive person. And thatâs⊠something positive I can say about you.â
âThanks, Marinette!â said Adrien with a dopey little smile. She wasnât sure if he was mocking her or just deeply stupid. If her diary entries were to be believed, it was probably the latter. âYour face is looking attractive this morning as well. Did you do something new with your makeup?â
Marinette had done her makeup the same way she did every day, but she supposed his Marinette opted for a boring girl next door âno makeup makeupâ look.
Alya squealed next to her before giving her shoulder an excited squeeze.
Marinette took several deep breaths.
âYes, I thought Iâd try something new.â
Adrien smiled and nodded.
Alya shoved her forward.
Marinette barely managed to restrain herself from sending Alya a patented Toxinelle Death Glare. Instead, she smiled wider at Adrien.
Her cheeks hurt.
âThank you soooooo much for noticing my makeup. That is a thing I am excited about. I love putting on makeup to impress cute boys, tee hee!â
Adrienâs face fell. âIâm sorry, I didnât mean to implyâI know you always dress for you, Marinette! Thatâs something I really admire about you.â
His eyes were so earnest, so sincere, and for a second, she almostâ
Marinette cleared her throat. âThatâs so nice! You can leave now.â
Adrien blinked.Â
âBye!â She shooed him.
âOh, um, bye Marinette,â he said with a sheepish wave, and then he left.
Nailed it.
âGirl, what the actual fuck?â
#miraculous ladybug#ml paris special#miraculous fanfic#marinette dupain-cheng#toxinelle#shadybug#noodles writes
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Day 17 Equilibrium
âWhat are you doing Danny?â Sam asked as she and Tucker came home from work.
âDid you know that there is no dark side of the moon because the moon is rotating just like the earth?â Danny said staring up at the ceiling from his position on the floor.
âDude. You okay?â Tucker asked as he plopped down on the couch next to Danny.
âYa. Just floaty.â Danny said while moving one of his hands like he was sticking it out of a car window.
âFloaty?â Sam asked as she walked around the kitchen, getting some tea ready.
âI am not a cat.â Danny pouted.
âOf course not. You're a ghost.â Tucker said, grabbing his laptop and booting it up.
âBut I'm not. And I am. But Iâm not a cat. Iâm something else.â Danny let his hand drop and sat up to stare out the window.
âYes? Youâre a halfa. Seriously dude. What are you on?â Tucker asked glancing over at Sam for a clue.
âScarecrow man made a mess while I was out but that doesnât matter. What matters is that I am something and nothing and dead and alive and I donât know what that's called. What is the word? Tucker, what is the word?â
âI donât know dude. Bird?â
âBIRD! Bird bird bird. Bird is the wordy word.â Danny giggled.
âHere Danny. Drink this.â Sam said handing a cup of chamomile, ecto tea. âHis should even you out.â
âBro. You are so high. Scarecrow must have a new formula or something because you werenât nearly this bad last time.â Tucker said.
âTHATâS NOT THE POINT TUCKER! I am something that is perfectly balanced between two opposite things but I canât remember what the word equilibrium is.â Danny whined.
âEquilibrium?â
âSAM YOU ARE A GENIUS! Yes, I am the equilibrium! The balance between! The gateway!â
âYou are equilibrium.â
âYes!â
âYou are also Dannyâ
âYes!â
âYou are tired.â
âYes!â
âGo to sleep.â
Thud. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
âYou are terrifying sometimes. I hope you know that Samâ
âWhy yes I do Tucker. And thank you.â
âSo are you carrying him to bed or am I?â
âWho do you think Tucker? Chop chop. Get to it.â
âUgh.â
So I think I'm going to start using the Dannymay calendar as a writing warmup for me. This is kinda fun.
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McLaren Orange
*based off the song âtennessee orangeâ by megan moroney*
lando norris x fem!reader
warnings: fluff *first person pov*
summary: y/n was raised in a ferrari family, but a special driver in the papaya car gets her to wear the mclaren orange.
I felt as if I was going to throw up. My hand hovered over my mothers contact, shaking from the knots in my stomach. I knew I shouldn't be nervous, but knowing the way my family is I couldn't help it. Finally after convincing myself to tap the icon, my phone began to ring. The ring went on an awful long time, making me feel even more terrified.
"Hi Mama," I say into the phone once she picked up.
"Hey darling," Her sweet voice echos into my ear. How am I supposed to tell her this?
"I've got some news for you," My voice cracks.
"Is everything alright? You're not in trouble are you?" Her tone becomes serious, I could tell she had her eyebrow raised looking towards my father.
"I'm not in trouble, Mama" I laugh slightly, "But, don't tell dad about this, please."
There was silence on the other side of the phone. I knew she was debating listening to my request, but also on not. I heard her shuffle around a bit. Maybe she headed into a different room for privacy.
"I know you guys raised me to know right from wrong, and I know you're thinking I did something wrong, but don't worry everything is okay." I sigh, "It's just, I've never really felt this way. I don't know where to start."
"You can tell me anything, sweetheart." She reassures me, my heartbeat already calming down.
"I met this guy," I mentally smack my head in embarrassment.
"Oh, I was expecting something totally different." She laughs loudly.
"He's got these gorgeous blue eyes." I feel my cheeks grow warm just thinking about the way his eyes look into mine. "He even opens the door for me. I don't think he's made me cry once."
I had met Lando after the Emilia-Romagna Grand Prix. A couple of my friends and I decided to go out for the night, we needed some freedom. Just that morning we were all wearing our red gear, cheering for the Ferrari's as they raced. Lando just happened to be at the club we decided to go to. He was with a couple of his friends, hanging around the dj booth in the back. I must have felt risky that day because I walked up to him, congratulating him on his race. Yes, I congratulated the enemy. We ended up talking a little longer. A little longer was the rest of the night.
"He's not from where we're from." I explained, "But, he feels like home somehow."
"Where's he from?" She qustions.
"The United Kingdom, Bristol actually." I tell her.
"He sounds like a very lovely guy," She compliments him. This makes my heart warm. Hopefully the rest of the story wont make her too upset.
"I've done things I've never done before with him, Mama." She could probably hear my wide smile through the phone. "He took me to this beautiful restaurant the other night. Oh, and we went cliff diving too!"
Talking about just a few of the adventures we had been on together already made my stomach burst with butterflies. Thinking back to when our hands were holding tight to each other as we jumped off the tall cliff, waiting for our fall to be caught by the blue water. When he gave me his jacket after our dinner because it was raining.
"There is one thing though," I hesitate.
"What is it?"
"Mama, he's a driver." I try to lead up to the fact that he's a big racing star, but not for our big team.
"He's a driver? Like a racer?" Her voice fills with excitement. "Are you dating Charles Leclerc?"
"No Mama, not him." I laugh, "He's not on Ferrari."
Yet again there was a silence on the other end of the phone.
"Mama, he drives for McLaren." I whisper, a weight being lifted off my shoulders as I did so. "Lando Norris."
I heard the door open from the phone, she was walking up to my father.
"He took me to Spain with him, that's why I was gone for a little while. He gave me the hat he had sitting on his dash when we got to the airport." I try to distract her from telling any information to my father. As long as he's a good guy why should it matter? "Mama, can you forgive me? Don't tell dad, please. I like him a lot."
"Honey, I'm not mad at you. I can't change the fact you like this boy. As long as he doesn't make you forget you look better in red." She sighs, the phone now on speaker mode.
"I don't know, his smile makes me forget sometimes." I fiddle with the rings on my finger.
"Hi daddy," I say quietly, knowing hes listening into the conversation. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."
"Your mother and I are so happy for you, Y/n. I could never be mad at you for chasing your heart."
"I still am rooting for Ferrari, don't worry." I laugh, feeling relieved by their acceptance. "But if you every see me wearing McLaren. Just know I'm wearing the orange for him."
#lando x reader#lando norris#charles leclerc#formula one#formula 1#ferrari#mclaren#f1#f1 x reader#mclaren f1#ferrari f1
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HEY! YOU THERE! WANT TO PLAY A TABLETOP ADVENTURE WITH A PROFESSIONAL STORYTELLER?
I'M MISTER TORGUE, AND THE NERD WHO HELPS ME LOG INTO THIS ACCOUNT ASKED ME TO DO AN AD FOR HIS SERVICES. I TOLD HIM I WOULD, BUT ONLY IF I GOT TO WRITE IT MYSELF. SO STRAP IN, DUMPSUCKS. IT'S PRODUCT PLACEMENT TIME:
--
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY DUNGEONS & DRAGONS BUT YOU CAN'T FIND SOMEONE TO RUN YOUR GAMES?
ARE YOU FED UP WITH A GAME MASTER WHO WON'T LET YOU STRAIGHT-UP MAKE OUT WITH THE VILLAINS OF THEIR STORY?
DO YOU WANT WANT TO LEARN TABLETOP RPGS BUT EVERYONE WHO TRIES TO EXPLAIN IT USES THINGS LIKE MATH AND SPREADSHEETS AND YOU CAN'T STOP THEM BECAUSE FATAL SUPLEXES ARE ILLEGAL ON YOUR PLANET?
THEN YOU NEED BENCOMPETENCE, PROFESSIONAL STORYTELLER AND GAME MASTER.
BRAOOWWWWW-CHICKABRAOW EXPLOSION NOISE HEREEEEEEEE!
BENCOMPETENCE HAS RUN OVER 100 PROFESSIONAL GAMES OF TABLETOP GAMES, INCLUDING DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, CITY OF MIST AND MORE. HE HAS 100% POSITIVE REVIEWS FROM HIS CLIENTS, WHICH IS PROBABLY MORE THAN 34%.
NOT ONLY DOES BEN OWN A PAIR OF CAT-EAR HEADPHONES, HE EXCELS AT RIPPING YOUR HEART STRAIGHT OUT OF ITS RIBCAGE USING NOTHING BUT COMPELLING, ROMANCEABLE CHARACTERS AND BADASS EPIC ADVENTURES. IN FACT, EVEN HIS VILLAINS ARE SEXY AS F*CK. JUST CHECK OUT THIS VAMPIRE FROM ONE OF HIS CAMPAIGNS:
THIS DEATH DADDY IS ABSOLUTELY ABOUT TO KILL ME AND I DON'T GIVEN EVEN A SINGLE F*CK.
NOT YOUR STYLE? NO PROBLEM, PLAYER, HE ALSO OFFERS TERRIFYING MURDER MOMMIES!
THIS WOMAN COULD DRINK MY BLOOD AND I WOULD SAY "THANK YOU"
OR MAYBE IT'S TIME TO EMBRACE EVERYONE'S TRUE SECRET DESIRE:
BE A MAGICAL GIRL THAT'S BAD AT ROMANCE!!!
BENCOMPETENCE ALSO HAS THIRSTY SWORD LESBIANS, A GAME ABOUT BADASS SWORDFIGHTS AND WARFARE IN THE GREATEST BATTLEFIELD OF ALL: THE HEART
WHEN OH WHEN WILL THESE TWO INCREDIBLE WOMEN ADMIT THEIR FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER!??!!?
OR MAYBE YOU WANT TO KICK ASS, PACIFIST STYLE, IN THE NEW BLUE BOX ADVENTURES?!
TIME TO GO HIGH FIVE A DINOSAUR AND MAKE OUT WITH ALIENS!!!
BENCOMPETENCE'S GAMES ARE INCLUSIVE AF AND BEGINNER-FRIENDLY, BECAUSE GATEKEEPING IS FOR SH*THEELS AND TRASHGUZZLERS. WHETHER YOU'RE BRAND NEW OR HAVE PLAYED A QUILLION SESSIONS, YOU WILL BE RIGHT AT HOME. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU GET IN THERE AND KICK THE NARRATIVE'S ASS RIGHT IN ITS D*CK.
HE EVEN HOSTS SEMINARS THAT TEACH YOU TO BE A BETTER ROLEPLAYER OR GAME MASTER!!
HE ALSO ASKED ME TO TELL YOU THAT SESSION 0'S ARE FREE, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS!
WANT TO JOIN A TABLE? THEN LISTEN UP, F*CKTRUCKS, BECAUSE IT'S LIST TIME:
FIGHT OR MAYBE MAKE OUT WITH HOT EVIL VAMPIRES IN CURSE OF STRAHD (NOW AVAILABLE IN DEATH DADDY AND MURDER MOMMY)
I AM NOW STARING AT THE VAMPIRE AGAIN AND FORGOT THE NEXT BULLET POINT
JOIN THIRSTY SWORD LESBIANS AND BE AS BAD AT ROMANCE AS YOU ARE GOOD AT KICKING ASS
JUMP INTO THE BLUE BOX AND EXPLORE ALL OF TIME AND SPACE
SOMETHING ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO BE A BETTER ROLEPLAYER IN A PERSONALIZED LECTURE
THERE'S A LOT MORE TO SAY, BUT THE NERD WRITING THIS SCRIPT STARTED TALKING ABOUT CHARACTER SHEETS AND SOMETHING CALLED NARRATIVE AGENCY, SO I HAD TO BEAT HIM WITH A FOLDING CHAIR UNTIL HE STOPPED. YOU CAN HELP PAY FOR THE BODYCAST I PUT HIM IN BY SIGNING UP TODAY!
END OF ADVERTISEMENT.
#DND#D&D#CURSE OF STRAHD#DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS#5E#STRAHD#HOT STRAHD#IS STRAHD SINGLE#TTRPG#TABLETOP RPGS#GAMING#GAMES#HOT VAMPIRE DADDIES#WHERE ARE THE HOT VAMPIRE MOMMIES#KABOOM#HELL YEAH#TAGS#LESBIANS#MAGICAL GIRLS#MAGICAL GIRL#GAY DISASTERS#DISASTER LESBIANS#ROMANCE IS HARD#TRIGGER WARNING: EMOTIONAL INTIMACY#DOCTOR WHO#BLUE BOX#VWOORP VWOORP MOTHERF*CKERS
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hi to any teenagers who might be reading this. Iâd like to give you one perspective on âit gets betterâ as a very mentally ill queer trans twenty something.
I am no less mentally ill than I was as a high schooler. Differently sure but not less. I still struggle a lot. But Iâm so much better at dealing with it. Life is no longer one long grey drudge. Iâm not confined within it.
I continue to constantly grow and evolve. I learn new things about myself all the time. I lean into old hobbies. I dress how I want. I get piercings and tattoos. I understand what my autism is and treat myself kindly because of it. I trans my gender in new, fun and authentic ways.
And I have so much choice now. I can cover my bed in plush animals. I can buy floral bowls from second hand stores that remind me of my nan. I can eat dinosaur shaped pasta out of those bowls. I can make friends with so many people, not just the two or three dozen I was locked in with in my high school. I can try new hobbies. I can join clubs. I can decide one day I want to take the train to the beach. I can paint my light switch covers. I can volunteer. I can learn. This choice can be terrifying but it is also so so freeing.
Iâm carving out the life I want to live, even if the only tool I have is my bloodied fingers. Please stay. Itâs worth it. I promise.
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