#i am so scared of needles
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i am about to take my first testosterone injection if i don't pass way first
#i am so scared of needles#i got the auto injector but that might be worse idk#it takes so long to like dispense yknow#aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh#havoc on t#wreaking havoc
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someone should examine Daniel's amygdala by putting on a scary movie and seeing how horny he gets
#we put on a chronometer and see how fast he gets hard when he's supposed to be scared#iwtv#interview with the vampire#am i the only one who wants to run experiments on these guys#i want to study their biology#maybe prick them with some needles#do a little craniotomy#understand their physiology so i can rule out any underlying causes that aren't psychological#/j#daniel molloy#mine
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this is a personal update, but i am finally starting
#my lil trans man heart is so happy#the scary part is coming out to the rest of my family since only my dad knows so far#also needles... i am scared of the needles#transgender#hormone replacement therapy#personal updates
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daydreaming about my 25th in feb 💭
#my last bdays have been kind of lonely and quiet for various reasons#money; no one around/too busy to celebrate/pandemic for my 21st... kinda sucked a bit.#ideally i'd love to go to finland but it's a bit too soon and idek who i would go with lmao laugh out loud#also i thinkk i'd rather go to finland first time in summer so i don't have to worry about packing heavy duty clothing first#anyway i wanna get total makeover hair and nails done#part of me also wants to get another piercing (either belly button or nips) but i am SO SCARED#and ikkk i'd have to go alone and my parents would be like ?? why would u want that#ik i would slay i just know it ugh#like i don't rly have a fearrr of needles per say (i just don't look at them for injections etc.) but the thought of it going in such a#sensitive area uGH#i have balls sometimes i just have to get in the right mindset#i've conquered fears way harder ik it#just uhhhhh#anyway at least i'll hopefully have new hair new nails#even if my bestie will probs be busy bc.... bf sigh#the struggles#and my sister is always way too busy with her masters it's just a bit shit really innit#personal
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i just want to be happy by default wo needing meds i just wanna be normal. is that like. too much to ask idfk
#meds arent fucking working anymore#and im stressing abt it bc the psych told me i needed to do a blood test#and i. i didnt do it#for like 3 whole months#bc i am DEATHLY afraid of needles just typing this is making me feel queasy#i need my meds upped but i hopeee he doesnt ufckingng idk SHOOT ME ON SIGHT for not doing the blood test#if he says i still need to do it ill litreally jump off a roof#i have TOO MUCH OCD for bloodwork. and he is treating me. for ocd#i cant fuckign do this yall#im so scared my results will come back and it'll say u have 823489234 diseases u will die in 7 day#minnie post
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#okay but being abused as a disabled person feels an extra layer of helpless#I’m stuck with my shit ass mother again and I’ve had two low episodes in the past year#she keeps threatening me over them#threatening to bring up a video she took of me against my consent years ago to throw at my doctors#and make them go after me for my episodes#im already furious at myself over my disabilities bc I struggle to even speak to people in a normal way#I just spill this mess at their feet and then continue to spill and it’s so stupid??#and. now she’s getting power over me again#it feels so ruinous#she’s attacked me every fucking time I lose consciousness around her#and she’s demanding my glucagon be a needle so she can stab me over it rather than spray powder up my nose#I cannot help what I do when blackout and seizing#I am scared and helpless and have no fucking control#she holds it against me the very few times it’s happen though#I’m so lightheaded and spinning out over it#I have to figure out how to find control over my health#over how I speak#I’m contemplating speech therapy or something when I get away from her again#but we’ll see#for now I gotta work on it on my own
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ok ok ok sorry I've been quiet again, guys!! work has been kicking my ass and my mind has been elsewhere (MCU Loki has invaded my brain again like they did 10 years ago, absolutely no one is surprised)
but now they're cutting hours, I have five days off in a row, (... well, four now), and I just did my first Trulicity injection yesterday so I'm braced for side effects since everyone I've talked to says they had issues with it at first 😅
so I'm gonna be doing just a mix of gaming, coloring, and attempting to write to distract myself and such
I actually do have like four things written for this blog, but I'm trying to get at least ten done so that the queue can be jumpstarted to begin with lol
anyway love you guys!! I'm gonna be attempting some stuff here 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
#mod post#needle mention tw#I'm so scared of this medicine lmao I hate starting new medicines#my stupid ass shed a few tears when I was injecting myself and I do not like being a crybaby#BUT I DID IT#and wise Google say most people start feeling side effects 2-3 days after the first dose#so I'm sitting here paranoid that I DON'T feel like death because my brain is like OH JUST WAIT IT'S COMING#anyway I am here I am hilariously bisexual LET'S GET INTO IT
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super happy for you!!! i had the same thing happen with me when i took my first shot - it really is fantastic how little it hurts, especially if you do it as quick as possible. congrats! :D
LITERALLY LOL I WAS EXPECTING PAIN 😭 it took me like so long entirely bc my body was trying to fight me on it. like trying to stub your toe on purpose monkey brain did NOT want me to stab myself. TYSMMMMMM
#im also scared of needles but i learned#that i actually am more afraid of like. needles in a vein#typing that made me recoil#SUBQ IS SO NOT SCARY COMPARED TO THAT SIAHSJEBA
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stuck in garage wyd
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Working on one of my Murdle books and watching one of my comfort movies, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” to try to chillax before my wisdom tooth surgery…
See y’all on the other side! I’ll have plenty of free time while recovering to write, but probably won’t have the mental bandwidth to do it unfortunately
#blue babbles#I am scared of needles and also have never been sedated so I’m very nervous#I also did not get the promotion so I am in my feels about it#by ‘scared of needles’ I mean I shake like a leaf and have tears running down my face every time I even see one
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I want to get into knitting socks since I'd like to have some nice pretty woolen ones to keep my feet warm in winter but I don't want to have to dick around with double pointed needles 😔
#so sad#I'll probably do it anyways but still#knitting something with four needles scares me#I am but a wee babe who can only knit the basics#also turning heels? terrifying#but also: socks#and possibly even knitted stockings
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#this is my first tattoo appointment im attending by myself (which is just absurd but i dont wanna talk about it)#and i am so fucking nervous#not because im scared of needles or pain or anything#but because my artist is SO talkative and i am NOT#i dont talk under normal circumstances but especially when im getting tattooed#i just zone out and try to fall asleep cause the buzzing noise drowns out my tinitus enough i can actually like breathe#and now im gonna have to TALK#Death sentence
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as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are
#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside#i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing#( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily#someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck#i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person#with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory )#( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file )#anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest#& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away#but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african#maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020#i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there#butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa#kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways#like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no#or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway#sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind#journaling. or like.something.
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sometimes. I remember some of the things my hot acupuncturist told me back in 2019/2020 pre pandemic and I'm just like hey past gabby......you good? bc um
#your first reaction is to resist until ive eased you into it#and make you more familiar#no no no no. dont help me. just relax#what can we do to get you to be more relaxed and less stressed#the more you comply the better you feel#or her telling me#or her telling me i have beautiful hair#while she was rubbing my wrist (which is why i was going)#her asking me if something was sore and i said yes and her pressing down harder#also her saying i can help you with your stress but you need to trust me and open up to me#as shes rolling up my pants#or telling me good girl#if i tried to get up shed be push me back down and be like no no relax#and she was professional just shes also a normal touchy person and i am an awkward gay#also that time i said i clench my jaw. and she was like oh i can put needles there#and i said but that scares me#and she so then dont clench your jaw and i wonr have to. AND WINKS#looking for a mind at work
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FRUIT LORE! FRUIT LORE! FRUIT LORE! FRUIT LORE! FRUIT LORE! FRUIT LORE! FRUIT LORE!
#zoro once again sacrificing himself to fight.....#komachijo cant die.... enough people with names starting with a k have died... (kiku kin and kanjuro) maybe its a curse....#who's who was a marine.... WHAT IS THAT cp9 too..... OHHHHH 13 YEARS AGO SHANKS STOLE THE FRUIT!!!! FROM THE GOVERNMENT!!!!!#SHANKS LORE SHANKS LORE!!!! I CANT WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE TODAY FUCK!!!! I WILL GO INSANE TONIGHT AND GET ANSWERS TOMORROW I GUESS#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1039#nami promoted zeus aldjsksjsk#the info he stole?? who?? and who is dead?? oh whos who.... he can die i guess he already told jinbe#the heart pirates saying luffy doesn't have a pulse and a smash cut to jinbe saying he is alive 😭😭#jinbe and luffy retrospective.... i love them so much.... best thing to come out of marineford.... .#jinbe saying he doesn't want to speak with him ajdkajsk slay......#nika mention.... omg.... the sun pirates of course... I AM TELLING YOU!!! NIKA IS URANUS THE THIRD ANCESTRAL WEAPON AND THE THREE OF THEM#WILL BRING THE GYOJIN TO THE SURFACE (TO THE SUN!!) <- me when i connect two dots#jinbe got tired of the racism. BEAT HIS ASS!!! BREAK HIS NECK!!! LETSGOOO!!!!#he got him by the tail.... is the secret technique a gyojin haki special????#episode 1040#yamato furry??!?!?!? damn ace really got the whole deal jesus.#informed consent akdhaka here we dont do medical malpractice lmao is he scared of needles???? lmaooo#this sounds like a me in my gf's ear audio akdhaksjsk#now just noticed that the franky shogun robot has chicken legs just like franky 😭😭#the fucking helicopter tryceratops..... what the hell..... and what is what sword.....#luffy dead on his pirate doctor friend's boat but there is no doctor on board akdhaksk#episode 1041
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guess who GOT THEIR BLOOD DRAWN and DIDN'T PASS OUT
#it's me#THEY EVEN TOOK IT OUT OF MY ARM#I am SO scared of the inner corner of my arm it's unreal#stronger xan ax my beloathed. upped by dose by twice#tw needles
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