#she keeps threatening me over them
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#okay but being abused as a disabled person feels an extra layer of helpless#I’m stuck with my shit ass mother again and I’ve had two low episodes in the past year#she keeps threatening me over them#threatening to bring up a video she took of me against my consent years ago to throw at my doctors#and make them go after me for my episodes#im already furious at myself over my disabilities bc I struggle to even speak to people in a normal way#I just spill this mess at their feet and then continue to spill and it’s so stupid??#and. now she’s getting power over me again#it feels so ruinous#she’s attacked me every fucking time I lose consciousness around her#and she’s demanding my glucagon be a needle so she can stab me over it rather than spray powder up my nose#I cannot help what I do when blackout and seizing#I am scared and helpless and have no fucking control#she holds it against me the very few times it’s happen though#I’m so lightheaded and spinning out over it#I have to figure out how to find control over my health#over how I speak#I’m contemplating speech therapy or something when I get away from her again#but we’ll see#for now I gotta work on it on my own
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The difference between the tragedy of Edwin's and Charles' lives and deaths and what makes Charles' much more compelling to me is that Edwin never had anyone he could trust: he grew up with distant parents who i imagine he saw rarely and could not confide in, then he went to school and was immediately recognized as other in a way he had not fully realized of himself yet and was killed for it, and then comes hell and well who can u trust in hell? Certainly not the things that chase you until your legs ache, and even if your compatriots in the whole ordeal are as innocent as you, trapped in the same technicality, what is the good of trusting them, when they are just as helpless as you?
But Charles? Everyone Charles was supposed to trust betrayed him. His parents were close to him, atleast somewhat, atleast his father was around enough to get sick of hearing owner of a lonely heart, and his mother was around enough to watch his father beat him and be silently horrified and ultimately not do anything about it, maybe she stepped in once and we just never saw it, but I wouldn't bet on it, Charles' mom is 'quiet' that's her defining feature to Charles not protective or gentle just 'quiet', then Charles gets to school and he is popular he has friends! He has people who care for him (or should maybe, as long as he's good at sports like he's needed to be) and then he stands up for one person, because he has always wanted to be good and maybe he trusts himself to do it just this once and his friends kill him and his own actions signed the death warrant and he cannot even trust himself to do the right thing properly (it never got better and then you died)
And maybe, maybe Edwin does it too, with less intention to hurt, and with less knowledge but Charles and Edwin trust eachother maybe more than anything (maybe Charles would sooner slip away from earth's gravity than stop putting his trust in Edwin who he thinks is good and smart and brills and aces) and maybe Edwin still looks at Charles trying to protect him after Charles has had maybe the worst week of his existence and says "that was a bit...... extreme" and Edwin still promises Charles can tell him anything while hiding himself in a way that makes Charles feel untrustworthy
So yeah I'll never stop thinking about the tragedy of Charles Rowland actually 👍 think about him with me
#Charles Rowland#Edwin payne#dead boy detectives#Wrotong this down made me want to delve even further into characters and their relationships w/ trust btw#Crystals is also really interesting to me because she is looking for people she trusts and she keeps coming up empty slowly coming to the#relaization that she cant even trust herself and she'll never b the same girl but theres old roads that need to be repaved#or atleast properly gated off and she nearly loses the trust she has built up over the course of the show because it is not enough to trust#them with her and she cant trust herself with them because she has finally friends she doesnt want to hurt for amusement and she is sick w/#the idea it wont last#Niko lost two of the biggest ppl she could trust in one fell sweep as one died and the other just wanted her to not be sad anymore and it#broke her in a way and shes having to build new bridges to find herself again#The Cat King trusts people enough to let them in his bed and to charm them but not enough for them to see anything deeper to see who he#really is because he is A Cat King (TM ;) ) and he should be Better than That and hes just as petty and mortal as anyone else#Monty well maybe this is a hot take but monty trusts himself and not much else he is a charmer and confident in his feelings for Edwin he i#sure of his ability to deceive and Charm the ghost boys and i think he is sure when he brings Charles his bag#Maybe u could say Monty trusts Esther but i dont thinks thats true when he realizes the effects Esthers revenge will have he tries 2 get th#ghost buys tf outand even earlier he crows when Esther is trying to “threaten some kids#monty“ and then obvi already mentioned getting charles his bag he doesnt so much trust esther as he is chained to her which kinda makes me#wonder how old is monty? Like when made into a human he is made vaguely teenager aged but like he is the familiar of a very old witch is he#the last in a long series of familiars or is he near as old as Esther herself maybe he was picked up some years ago but long after Esther#was already a well established witch he could literally be any age wtf
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i want my friend's ex to die so bad holy shit ive never wanted anyone dead this badly in my life
#abuse tw#picture the most manipulative person you can imagine and then multiply it times 100#this girl has admitted to faking autism for attention WHILE being ableist and awful to my friend who is autistic#AND faked being trans for attention briefly WHILE being so transphobic to my friend that they actually went back in the closet#like changed their pronouns in bio from all pronouns back to she/her bc the ex was so disgusted to be dating a trans person#i need her to get run over by a truck YESTERDAY#oh yeah and she also hit my friend. while they were dating#AND tried to cheat on them and then would tell him about it#and would threaten suicide every time she didnt get her way even after they were broken up#my friend would literally be like please stop contacting me. and she would keep on pulling that shit and saying my friend made her suicidal#currently helping them research harassment prevention orders
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this man is pissing me off
#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#first it was with his annoying ass thoughts about the superiority of the capital and the dehumanisation of the districts#but now he's having like. NORMAL thoughts. that would be EXPECTED when living in a dystopia#he's seen two classmates die and realised it could've been him and that sejanus saying the capitol not protecting its citizens had merit#and he started acting like a decent human being about lucy gray's situation#forgetting about his own bullshit in the face of her suffering because it's clear that hers is more immediately concerning#the parallels between katniss and coryo drive me INSANE#they've both impoverished young adults who've been in survival mode trying to keep their families from starving to death#forced to actually acknowledge the real world and decide on their own sense of morality#with good influences trying to push them towards the right side#eg. katniss having gale and peeta's voices in her head when she makes a stand for rue#but i KNOW snow doesn't listen to lucy gray and sejanus#i KNOW he doesn't#i've seen the ending! so the possibility of him getting over himself and becoming better is pissing me off because i know he doesn't!!!!#it would be so much easier if he was pure evil. it would be so much less infuriating and so much less horrifying but he's not#he had the potential for goodness and instead he murdered countless people#including thousands of children and any political opponents who got in his way#AND ALSO LUCY GRAY AND SEJANUS#(lucy gray's fate is a mystery but he still chose to kill her and that at least changed HIM)#i hate this. these books are so good i HATE IT#but also some of these lines are so ironic#his tendency towards obsession is likely to kill him one day if he doesn't learn to outsmart it#almost like an obsession with the mockingjay#and calling dr. gaul crazy for her extreme measures to ensure he doesn't lie to her#when he ends up doing the exact same thing to katniss#maybe minus the overt show of violence but like. he doesn't have to. he's in her house threatening her loved ones#it's so fascinating#i want to eat it#but i won't cause i haven't finished reading yet
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i'm sorry but it actually kills me that people think kendall telling roman he fucked it (which he did) is the worst thing he did last episode like bffr.
#like y'all can't be serious#what about him making rava cry and blocking her car like a psycho??#what about him blowing up at jess and giving her the “your nothing without me” speech#what about him threatening to take the kids ????#that's actually really fucking scary because he COULD#he is not some middle class man from ohio like he can paint rava as hysterical woman keeping him from his kids and then it's over#it doesn't matter that he's a deadbeat#it doesn't matter he nearly commited suicide in front of them#it doesn't matter that he is an addict#he's still a rich man#rava is a woman that clearly isn't a one percenter like she is fucked fr#unless she escapes to canada with the kids and changes her name#why do people not realize how scary it is ???#he wants CUSTODY like it's over#also him telling roman he fucked it is very mild compared to what the roys do to each other#roro made incest jokes about his future nephew/niece being his but you draw the line at kendall telling him the truth???#be fr#also kendall was never interested in being co-ceos with roro lmfaoo he only did that to ice shiv out#he has always wanted the crown but since he doesn't consider roro a threat (unlike shiv) he was fine with aligning himself with him#roman woobifyers have lost the plot#none of the roys are normal like they were raised to compete with each other#and it's not like kendall lied like mencken had no interest in blocking the deal anyway so kenrome fucked democracy for nothing#and it's partly roman's fault for getting played#and the crying didn't help either#kendall roy#succession#succesion hbo#fandomshit
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good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)
bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)
worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁
#please please please for the love of god ; ; ;#i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ;#this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ;#i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid#and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate#i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm#i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ;#we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants#and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'('#so the agreement was she could stay for One Week#and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then.#like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house.#with new excuses every time.#and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them#so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick#(and decided to come over anyway)#i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ;#i feel like crying ; ; ;#i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week#i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks#and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ;#a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ;#i'm already behind ; ; ;#i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;
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When the worst person you know sends a message like "I think we should never ever speak to each other again."
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#Taupe has a life#My former housemate's psycho stalker ex doesn't want to talk to me anymore.#(HE KEEPS TRYING TO RECRUIT ME FOR SHIT.)#(WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.)#(He is president of this stupid university political group and knowing that I NEVER EVER want to speak to him.)#(He sent his fucking friends who were in my classes to come plead his case to try and get me to talk to him.)#(Also when I say psycho ex I am NOT exaggerating. If my housemate had pressed charges this dude would hella be in jail.)#(He is fucking SCARY.)#He threatened to burn her passport#He lied that she was suicidal to get building maintenance to break into her room for him.#(Luckily building maintenance called to check on that claim before just letting him up so she was able to make it clear he wasn't welcome.)#He cyberstalked her fucking PARENTS to message them all kinds of lies and slander about her?#Her EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS and CONSERVATIVE parents??!?!?!?#I'm not usually like “WHOLE MAN REMOVAL”#But like. Nah.#The INSTANT anyone shows him anything other than ABSOLUTE FEALTY he fucking SNAPS.#Over the most INSANE shit.#OH! He also took her meds and hid them once.#She found them a few weeks later in his car.#Ugh#Just writing all this out I'm remembering more.#IN CONCLUSION: FUUUUUUUCK THIS GUY#Also LMAOOOOO at him fucking messaging me to be like#“You are always so mean and passive aggressive and unprofessional so we should never speak to each other again.”#No actually I think you will find I treat you FAR BETTER than you actually deserve because I say all this shit on an anonymous website#I'm in the fucking tags and not in the courtroom of your case for when you broke into your ex-drug-dealer's house#And stabbed him several times#I THINK YOU WILL ACTUALLY FIND I AM THE EPITOME OF DIPLOMACY YOU SLIMEBALL PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!#Youtube
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#its been a whole day im at parents house#i hate that every time we talk its always about how thin i am#how femme i am (i dont even being femme rn#like just call me a fag or smth....)#or have i met some girls (i dont even meet guys and im gay)#never about my job#am i healthy#am i happy#nope nope none of that#and looks like she keeps threatening to put me back to this house#since my last stay at home sibling will leave for work abroad#and im the closest to her since im only several towns over#i dont know what kind of bullshit shes gonna pull to evict from **my own house**#but im not gonna budge#im already so uncomfortable being here for less than 24 hours and i dont want more of this#the day shes gonna do all that im gonna fucking scream and act like a mad man until they cant take me anymore#you will never put me back to this house and forcefully correct me#fuck all of them
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man. rewatching s3 scenes to get re-acquainted with diego and. the red flags. every single flag is red. i think lila is trying, and i understand her, i do, but the framing of each of their serious talks makes me want to yell.
#the whiplash of them being on the cusp of breaking up and diego's clearly upset#and lila demanding he go to a wedding which he does not want to go to because he NEEDS to save his family#his family is everything to him#the. ah man. the trying to force him to choose between her and saving his family.#and also trying to force him to undress when he clearly Does Not Want To.#and that all being frankly kind of alarming. juxtaposed with him giving her a romantic confession and (probably) having make up sex.#without like. really properly letting diego look at how kinda messed up that just was.#idk man. ik lila apologizes for lying and manipulating diego into thinking stan is their child to ''test'' him.#but the apology means so little to me when she does this and then later threatens to kill klaus if he talks to diego.#i do not think that lila is trying to be abusive but like. there is so much emotional abuse going on here.#and... idk man. i love her. their toxicity could be interesting. but the show keeps glossing over it. playing like it's romantic.#i want so badly for them to grow together not stagnate and ignore their glaring issues. lila and diego deserve better. aghhh.#out of knives [ooc];
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I found this Twitter thread discussing Reimu and Autistic traits quite interesting. As someone both with Autism and in the process of getting my master's degree in clinical psych, I both found it relatable and think the OP made a lot of good points in their analysis (though I will note that you can't really diagnosis a fictional character but it's all for fun). So I thought I'd share it.
#beyond the border ~ ooc#They mention later that some folks on Reddit accused them of cherry picking information but in my opinion with how Reimu has been depicted#Across over a dozen games and a dozen manga where ZUN ... tends to be (intentionally according to interviews) inconsistent with how he#Depicts Reimu you kind of have to look at specific instances if you want to assign Reimu much of any character at all#And really the stuff they highlight (such as Reimu seeming to have AP issues) are WAY more consistent than most other traits for Reimu#As someone with Autism I picked up on a lot of those littler traits as I iconned the different mangas but since that's been over a drawn#Out time it never really clicked all together until I saw it laid out in this thread#I'd notice things and be like 'wow that really feels like an Autistic life experience to me' but then just kinda move on but seeing it all#I would say it definitely fits (of course my interpretation of Reimu always has been Autistic but most of my muses kinda are because I am)#Honestly what I found most interesting was them pointing out Reimu's insistence on keeping her upper arms/shoulders uncovered in every#Outfit which is a feeling I can deeply relate to#I highly favor shorts even in inappropriate weather because I strongly dislike stuff touching my lower legs#Also the point about how much Reimu loves reading is something I had not caught before but it's honestly quite interesting#Though it makes me think. With how much interest she's shown in detective mysteries in FS and WaHH I'm shocked they didn't have her be more#Involved in the opening mystery of FDS. You'd think she would have been all over there. She and Satori could have even slightly bonded over#Having detective interests (and the fact that Satori is IMO probably the strongest Autistic coded character in the series)#Though honestly when you consider the idea that Reimu could be Autistic it makes sense why she seemingly uncharacteristically cries so much#At the thought of her shrine being threatened. Being very defensive of special places and getting more upset than would be warranted over#One being threatened is a very common trait and I find that quite interesting to think about
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exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.
#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to#sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting#concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that#threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth.#she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want#to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control#like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority#it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police#like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows#they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason#i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it#ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat#i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what#but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care#about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes#i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting#louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just#keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show#that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without#turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us#is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.
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an you wake up n start to cry!
#nishi vents.#because i wwill lose my shit if eeven one more person i know dies so please dont die. /lyr#dunno what thiss is aobut. but im just thinking you know#i was a therapist to my adult friend at the age of 10. i hhelsped her through sui thoughts. and i was 10.#this was quite a few yyears ago but yyou dont jjust forget thi sshit#she threatened to kkill hersefl. to a ten year old. over messaging. i fucokibg hate this i am not anyones therpeaist dont talk 2 me ever#and nnow its happening again. mmy irl firriend isnt eeating and my ooether friend caught thhekm throwing up their lunch at school.#and im scared for them but thheres nnothing i cn really do honestly. and its going to be my fault. again. i cant keep doing this#sui#tw sui#tw ed#alexis don't look#tell me if i should use anymore tags im just not ddoing goo dtoday#ask to tag
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i really need to draw khan and emmet hanging out bc they would be such buddies. ingo hates how quickly they bonded bc khan took one look at emmet, at how excited emmet is to battle, and seemed to Immediately like him (it only bc khan had already bonded w ingo, but like hell will he ever admit that. that proves he has emotions! he has to hide those.) khan & emmet battling each other. khan takes over for ingo sometimes on the multi trains except he and emmet get so into battles that they need a chaperone to keep them from getting too rowdy bc somehow (???) they've managed to destroy a couple of train cars??? khan challenges the subway himself (he battles using himself but also his pokemon. he'd rather battle using himself, but ingo and emmet get awfully concerned when he faints so he stops doing it so much). khan and emmet discuss battle tactics (khan insists "offense is the best defense" and "go balls to the walls immediately on attack" and emmet argues for better strategizing and well rounded move pools) and help each other train, offering suggestions and tips and "hey, let's try this maneuver" or "i think it would be better if you did this move first".
not that they don't enjoy an off day, but they definitely bonded well over battles.
#khan a.#just some thoughts#ingo is a little jealous over just how quick khan seemed to take to emmet but khan saw how ingo behaved around his brother and knew#he didn't have to worry. he based his reaction off ingo. not that he still liked emmet immediately (he didn't even immediately like akari-#he's been burned too many times to so quickly and willingly open his heart like that) but while it took him at least a year to go from#dubiously tolerating ingo for akari to hanging out with ingo with the excuse of 'having nothing better to do' and even longer to say#'yeah these are my people and i will protect them' (bc admitting he likes them?? that he loves that they love him?? that he would#keep them safe at the cost of his own life without hesitation? oh he'll admit he'll protect them but he would not say out loud#just how far he'd go to protect them.) it took him a few weeks to go from eyeballing emmet still suspiciously to going out of his way#to engage emmet in conversation and approach him. ofc he still approached emmet by way of 'i saw your battle. try me >:)' and challenging#him. but he wasn't threatening to kill him or anything. akari saw how khan watched ingo for his cues tho (bc she was doing the same thing.#that may have been her dad's brother but he was still just a stranger to her. she's been hurt by enough strangers.)#and she thinks its funny that ingo will grumble and complain about khan not threatening emmet like he'd threatened ingo in the beginning#(when khans not around ofc) but won't say it to his face. ingo is an Adult. he's Above Tthat. he's NOT jealous and upset that this#feral bastard has left him behind for a new treat (his OWN TWIN.) nevermind that khan will turn down emmet if ingo has a task for him#and that khan still drops in for dinner with them (drops everything if ingo invites him (through akari) for dinner).#ingo is still khan's preferred twin (unintentional human pack instinct & dog instinct bonding to ingo) but#he's glad that emmet exists as well. he's privately glad the twins exist and that ingo ended up in hisui and that nana yeeted him to arceus#bc what a sad & pathetic existence he'd have otherwise had. fighting w nana and getting his mind wiped. arguing w customers.#he'd have stagnated until he self destructed.#ANYWAY. i love my OC and the family he accidentally got himself inserted into.
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Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that
#personal#+Extra#i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week#since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student#accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing#whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to#explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that#theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way#to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love#them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i#cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always#resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like#a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me#but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over#the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know#that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out
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I’m gonna kill someone!! I really fuckin am at this rate!!
#oh my god. can she just treat me with respect. like I'm a fucking person.#if that plant dies because she put those hose fittings there and let mould grow when I was too busy to check it... I will probably do#something very drastic#these plants have actually fucking been helpful in keeping me sane#she actually wants me to get into gardening mostly so she can use me to upkeep her garden#which is. mostly stuff I'm allergic to or at this point weeds because she expects us to do it and won't hire a gardener#we can't do it! we don't have TIME to do it! and she can't do it anymore so she either has to get a gardener or get rid of it#but oh no as soon as I want to start growing plants they're attacked by her#she's beginning to threaten to pull them out now. because it's 'too cold'. I can actually either move them inside or cover them#so they don't die over winter but NO she's gardened for longer even though she's never grown chillis and doesn't even know when plants#are alive (binned my kale because the leaves were dying but the roots were fine and that's what matters)#I'm at the end of my rope man. I'm so reliant on random things to keep me alive and I'm terrified I'm gonna lose one#I keep nearly crying whenever I smell coffee too.#the dog's behaviour is triggering me and so's the stuff my body's doing#oh and don't forget uni! that's hell! I can't even check my emails!
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You can also recognize someone by the sounds of their breathing. I do that with my family and it's hilarious when I know who they are when they're trying to sneak up on me lol
bruce is one of those people who can recognize others by the sound of their footsteps, their smell (and ONLY THAT), their voice, just like, anything really
and when other, normal, people find it weird, he just goes "well, tim does it too"
(that's NOT reassuring, bruce)
#i bring this up because i have horroble eyesight which lead to me just automatically memorizing pathways in places i work/live at#so that i wouldnt have to turn on the lights. which has lead to me walking up on my family and coworkers and accidentally giving them#a heartattack. so they try to do the same to me with minimal success. the problem is that im not actually trying to scare them#to me i just legit walk up. any noise i make trying to signal that im behind them doesnt get noticed by them apparently#considering that im currently living with my mother rn she keeps getting jumpscared and has threatened to bell me#my older sibling and i also stay on the same train of thought and can talk at the same time and tone. we got called#ill admit there are a couple of times where i did scare her on purpose but a good 85% was on accident#which she doesnt believe because everytime her reactions are tp funny and i just fall over laughing. she jumps. throws her hands up#screams and everything#me basically: mother im sorry for all the heartattacks but im genuinely not doing this on purpose i swear *cant stand due to laughing*#at my last job though we had heavy and baggy uniforms and steel toes are common in that field metal and plastic bits got carried in pockets#so it took effort be stealthy. but my old job also had a noisy environment most of the time. which lead to hilarious moments#where i (below average height) would seemingly appear out of nowhere and give my coworkers (6ft+) heartattacks. yelling included#i accidentally scared my workplace of 80+ people so much that one of the managers had to tell me to walk louder#the best part thoigh is that because im so small and theyre so tall is that they wouldnt see me at first glance if i was sitting and they#walk in the room. they could walk up right next to me asking where i was and id just look up and say 'right here' and theyd just die#theres nothing more satisfying than seeing macho men scream like a little girl when the only thing you did was sitting still#my older sibling and i are also on the same train of thought when messing with others we can talk at the same time. tone. and mannerisms#we got called 'the twins from the shining' once from an ice cream store worker even though we are five years apart and dont look alike#for as much as most of the times ive scared someone being accidentall. their fear fills me as much and well as a feast does#its because a lot of people see me and think im dainty and innocent. its honestly sad how many people are surprised when i cuss
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