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sequinsmile-x · 2 years ago

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All's Fair - Chapter 6

Emily and Aaron have loved each other since they were children. War might be the thing that finally brings them together, but it could also be the thing that tears them apart forever.

A Hotchniss AU, set in 1917 and beyond.

-x-

Thank you so much for the love for this fic. I cannot believe we are at the penultimate chapter.

I really hope you enjoy this, and would love to know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 5.6k

A list of warnings and tags can be found on the Series Master List

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily,

I cannot begin to explain how much I needed these last couple of days. Every second was worth the long journey and they will get me through the journey and back and whatever comes next.

It’s strange to know how life has carried on with everything I have seen over there. One day I might have the words to tell you some of it, but for now, just know that you and Mae are the balm I need to remind myself there are good things. That I can be part of something good.

As I write this you are asleep next to me. I can feel the warmth of your skin, and hear the sound of you snoring. (You can’t deny it, you do.) I’ll spend the foreseeable future trying to recreate this feeling, the peace only you can bring me.

I know I’ve already said it, but I want to make sure I’ve written it down. That it’s something you can revisit when you need reminding. I love you, and I am so proud of what you are doing here - the way you are raising our daughter. I hope that she turns out to be exactly like you. And I hope even more that I get to see it.

When I look at her, it amazes me that part of her came from me. That something so perfect can come from someone so broken.

Leaving is something I wish I didn’t have to do. I would give anything to stay here, to finally be the family we deserve to be.

I will do everything I can to come back to you. To both of you

All my love,

Aaron

___

She couldn’t explain it if asked, but it felt worse this time. His departure and the absence that followed sharper, a type of pain that she’d fooled herself into thinking she was used to. She ached with it, her chest tight in a way she’d forgotten it could be.

She slowly paces Mae’s nursery, the weight of her daughter against her chest the only thing that was keeping her together. Mae fusses in her arms, unable to settle in a way that was out of character for the usually calm baby. Emily kisses the top of her head and rubs her hand in soft circles on the infant’s back, whispering gentle words against her little girl’s soft skin.

“I know, sweet girl,” she whispers, kissing her head again, “I miss Daddy too.”

Emily thought that seeing them together, that her brief glimpse of seeing Aaron as the father she always knew he’d be, would help. That it would show her what was to come when she finally had him back for good. But it hurt.

If she closed her eyes she could picture how they’d discovered that Mae found it hilarious when Aaron frowned. The baby’s cheeks stamped with dimples they bickered over, both convinced she got them from the other, as she smiled up at her father, as close to laughter as she ever had been as he tried to hold the frown in place. Emily realises she should have known that it would never be enough, that even if they were lucky and he came back and they got decades together she’d still want more.

She’d grown up reading as many romance novels as she could get her hands on. Not because she believed in it, or hoped for her own happy ending that she never dreamed she’d get, but because they made her world bigger. Her mother had always insisted that Emily was as educated as possible. That she could talk to anyone about anything. It meant she was well-versed in many topics and spoke several languages, but it had never truly been for her benefit. It had been so she could represent the family, so she could attract a husband. Do the duty she had been born into with no choice in the matter. She knew of the world, but hers was small. Reduced to the town she was born in. The house she still lived in.

It felt like there was no small amount of irony in the fact it was now where she was raising her own daughter.

The books she’d read had meant she could go anywhere she wanted. It was only now that she knew the love in them was real. Something she had experienced herself first-hand. She had seen love’s true face. The beauty and the horror of it, sorrow and joy two sides of the same coin.

She feels Mae get heavier against her and she tilts her head to look down, smiling sadly when she sees her daughter is finally asleep. She kisses the side of her head one more time before she lays her in her crib.

“Love you,” she whispers, tracing her fingers over Mae’s forehead before she leaves the room, careful to ensure she pulls the door gently closed behind her.

Emily hesitates briefly before she climbs into her bed, pulling the covers that still smelt like Aaron tight around her, seeking the warmth that she knew she wouldn’t find without him there. She buries her face in the pillow he’d used, hoping sleep would find her as easily as the grief was able to.

___

Aaron,

It feels like an age since I last saw you, but as I’m writing this you are likely not even back in France yet.

The bed still smells like you. JJ keeps trying to change the bedding but I won’t let her until it fades and it just smells like me again.

Mae laughed properly for the first time today. It was beautiful. For the first time since you left us again, I felt truly happy, even if it was just for a second.

Mother is giving me space, and I am grateful for it. She seems to finally understand that I want to do all of this my way. Either that or she feels so sorry for me that she’s just letting it go. I can’t bring myself to care, I’m grateful either way.

I love you. I’m somehow more in love with you now than I was yesterday. And I know I’ll love you more tomorrow.

‘Semper in absentes felicior aestus amantes.’

That means ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ if you don’t remember your Latin poetry from our tutor. I seem to remember you and Governness Strauss always being at odds with each other.

All our love,

Emily & Mae

___

She doesn’t know how to feel when she gets her period a couple of weeks after Aaron leaves. A strange mix of elation and disappointment makes her stomach churn with something other than the familiar cramps.

She wasn’t sure she could have handled a second child so close to having Mae. It was something her doctor had warned her about, and her answer at the time had been a wry smile and a quiet reminder that her husband was in Europe. Emotionally she would have struggled too, sure she would have actually had to hire the help she had so firmly denied from her mother for months.

But she can’t shake the feeling that this was it. Her only chance to have more of him, for there to be more of him left in the world in his children. Her heart hurt at the thought of something she’d never had in the first place.

She holds Mae even closer than usual that night, more determined than ever to give her all of the kind of love she wishes she’d grown up with herself.

___

Emily & Mae,

I don’t know what makes it to the news back at home, but things here are, almost impossibly, worse than ever.

I can’t go into details. Even if I found the words this letter would never make it to you if I did, but the small bits of home I have with me are getting me through. I still have the telegram that was sent by Rossi to confirm Mae had been born safely. I have our wedding photo and the photo of the two of you.

I wear the ring you bought me all the time now. I’m not the only man here with one. I think we all see it as a reminder of home. Something we can see that we don’t have to dig through our pockets for. I know you don’t believe in luck, Em, but I’ve come to see it as a good luck charm of sorts. If I make it home, I promise I will never take it off.

I love you, and I’ll try to write again soon.

All my love,

Aaron

___

September 1918

Emily laughs as Mae shifts on the grass, scooting the small distance to her mother’s side, her tiny fists littered with the small petals of a daisy she’d squished as she grabbed it. She presses her hands into Emily’s thigh, pushing herself up as she often tried to do these days, desperate for her mother’s love and attention as she always was.

“Ok I get it, baby,” she says, reaching for her daughter. She picks her up, holding her firmly as she holds her up in her lap, Mae’s tiny feet pressing into Emily’s legs as if she was standing by herself, “Look at you,” she exclaims, smiling widely as Mae giggles, always happy, “You’re standing up. Such a clever girl.”

Mae babbles at her, noises that were so close to Mama it made Emily’s heart ache, and she reaches out for her, leaning in to seek out more of her mother’s embrace. Emily doesn’t hesitate for a second, adjusting her hold on her daughter so she was holding her flush against her chest, not caring for a second about the grass stains that were sure to transfer over to her own clothes.

“You ok, sweet girl?” She asks, even though she knows the 7-month-old cannot respond. Mae rubs her face against Emily’s chest, the usual sign that she was tired. “We’ll go back inside shall we?” Emily says, managing to stand up with her daughter still in her arms, a move she was well practised at, “Maybe we’ll nap together.”

Mae’s response is to cling onto Emily a little tighter, her hand twisting into her hair as it so often did when she was tired. As if she was trying to anchor herself to Emily, still too young to understand that there was nowhere Emily would rather be than wherever she was.

Emily reaches back down for her book and can’t help but smile at the sight of the torn-up daises, the flowers that the baby seemed to love just as much as she did.

“Did you know your daddy used to work here,” Emily says, proud of herself for the way she was able to talk about Aaron without her voice wavering. She struggled if anyone mentioned him to her, but whenever she spoke of him to Mae, which was often, she was fine. As if his existence had been reduced to a secret between the two of them - the people he loved more than anyone else, “He used to make fun of me for liking daises so much,” she adds, kissing the side of her daughter’s head as she starts to walk them away from where they’d been sitting and back to the house, “He’d always said they are weeds. But I think they are beautiful.”

Mae makes a small noise that sounds like agreement, her face still pressed into Emily’s skin, and it makes Emily chuckle. She walks back to the house quickly, determined to get the little girl down for her nap. As soon as enters the house she’s met by Dave, her mother and JJ. All clearly waiting for her and stood in a line. It makes her falter, her hold on Mae tightening slightly as the baby gets heavier in her hold, already on her way to being asleep.

“Emily, where have you been?” Elizabeth asks, an urgency to her voice that makes the hair on the back of Emily’s neck stand up.

“Just sitting outside with Mae,” she replies, looking back and forth between the three people standing in front of her, not liking the kind look on any of their faces, “I’m bringing her in for a nap. What’s going on?”

“Why don’t I take her up?” JJ says, walking toward her and easing Mae out of her arms. Mae fusses a little, waking up slightly as she realises she’s no longer in her mother’s embrace. “Then you can all talk.”

Emily nods, finally tearing her eyes off of her mother to look at Mae for a second, leaning in to kiss her baby’s forehead. “Love you, sweet girl.”

JJ walks away with Mae in her arms, heading for the stairs as she talks softly. Emily looks back at her mother and Dave, and she swallows thickly.

“Why don’t we go into my office?” Elizabeth says, and Dave nods. Emily follows them wordlessly, worse-case scenarios flooding her brain in an instant.

“What is going on?” Emily repeats as they make it into the office. She allows herself to be guided into a seat. Dave ends up next to Emily, clearly there as some kind of moral support, and Elizabeth takes her seat at her desk.

“I received a letter from the head of the team Aaron is on this afternoon.”

Emily’s mouth goes dry, her senses briefly dulled as the words, and their implication, sink in. “What? I don’t understand why would he write to you?”

Elizabeth clears her throat, clearly struggling with the information she’d received herself, a tension in her body Emily doesn’t recognise.

“It seems Aaron had an arrangement in place that any…difficult news would be delivered to me, not you directly.”

“Difficult…” Emily chokes out, her hands tightening into fists in her lap, “No. Please don’t tell me he’s…”

She drifts off, not able to say the words out loud. She feels like she wants to run. All she wants to do is go upstairs and grab her baby and run. But she can’t move, weighed down to the chair by everything she has spent well over a year trying desperately to avoid.

“Captain Gideon’s team were involved in a small operation, and there was an explosion,” Elizabeth says far too calmly for Emily’s liking, her voice a direct contradiction to the way her eyes are shining, “There were six fatalities.”

Emily feels tears pour onto her cheeks, and she doesn’t try to wipe them away, knowing it is pointless, that they’d only be instantly replaced.

“Is Aaron one of them?”

“They don’t know.”

She frowns, her huffing out a sound she can’t identify, “What do you mean they don’t know? How can they not know?” She feels Dave’s hand on her shoulder, a familiar comforting squeeze she’d felt the day of her father’s funeral, but it’s all she can feel, the rest of her body numb.

“There were ten men on the mission. Six were confirmed dead, two returned and two remain unaccounted for. Aaron isn’t one of the two that came back. Due to the…nature…of the explosion, it is unlikely they will be able to identify the dead for some time.”

Emily laughs, and it feels inappropriate, but it’s all she can do. The sound escaping before she can cover her mouth to capture it.

“So, what? We’re just supposed to wait? I’m just supposed to wait to find out if my husband is dead or not?” She exclaims, her fingers twisting her wedding ring around, the small band of metal the heaviest it had ever felt, “He…he wears a wedding ring. That’s not overly common…maybe-”

“Apparently it’s something a lot of the men have taken to doing,” Elizabeth says softly, cutting through her one strand of hope, the thread that had been holding her together.

She can’t place the order of things. Isn’t sure if she breaks first, or if Dave pulls her into a hug and then she breaks, her tears pressed into his jacket as he attempts to comfort her. At some point, she hears the click of the door, her mother leaving her in the presence of the person she’d always sought comfort from over her.

“Everything will be alright, Bella,” Dave says, using the nickname he hadn’t used since she was young. When she used to sneak into the kitchen downstairs, her knees scraped from where she’d fallen when out in the grounds with Aaron and Sean. Dave would comfort her before giving her a piece of candy as he bandaged her up before sending her on her way to her parents.

“How?” She asks, pulling back to look at him, “If he’s dead,” she sobs, the word tasting bitter in her mouth, “If he’s dead, how can anything be alright?”

Dave doesn’t have an answer for her, no words that will bring her comfort, and they sit in silence, the only sound her tears and the clicking of the clock on the wall.

___

Emily thinks it may have been the longest two weeks of her life since her mother pulled her into her office. There had been no news since. No telegrams. No follow-up letters from the commander or from Aaron himself.

Not for the first time since this all began, Emily finds herself furious that the world carries on. Anger she cannot completely contain making her unable to keep still. It felt absurd that the sun continued to rise, that the grass grew and daises bloomed. She couldn’t go out to the grounds anymore, couldn’t look at anything, other than Mae, that reminded her of him. Of what she may well have lost.

She busies herself, desperate to keep her mind occupied in a way other than re-reading the letters from Aaron again. She finds herself in the room that had slowly turned into a library of sorts, organising the books she’d collected over the years. She appreciated the fact it was just hers, something that no one else had really ever had a part of.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and Emily knows it can only be her mother. She sighs and gives herself a moment to prepare herself before she responds.

“You can come in, Mother.”

The door opens and Elizabeth comes into view, “How did you know it was me?”

Emily smiles wryly, “The only people who know I like to spend my time in here are you and Dave, and he always jokes I’m at my most dangerous when I have a book in my hand.”

Elizabeth smiles at that before she clears her throat, “Where’s Mae?”

Emily freezes for a second but carries on putting her books in a pointless pile, not looking at her mother as she replies, “She’s napping. When the house is this quiet I can hear her from here if she cries,” she flicks her eyes over to Elizabeth before she looks back at the books, “Was there any mail?”

“Not today,” Elizabeth replies, watching as Emily visibly deflates. She sighs, intently watching her daughter for a moment before she carries on, “Emily, I think it’s time you accepted-”

“No,” Emily firmly cuts her off, continuing her task of re-organising her books, needing to do something, anything, to keep herself busy. She already knew what her mother was going to say, and she didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to be forced to talk about it.

“Emily, I know what it is to lose the person you love. You need to think about it, for your sake and for Mae’s-”

“Don’t tell me what is best for my daughter,” Emily snaps, the book she had been holding dropping down to the table in front of her, the crack of the hardcover against the wood echoing around the room, “And Dad died here, Mom,” she says, choking on a bitter laugh, shaking her head as she throws her hands in the air, “Not in some godforsaken field in France. He died here. And you got to hold his hand and be there. And you got years with him. Not enough, I know, but years. I’ve had days with Aaron. Days.” She stares at her mother, unshed tears in Elizabeth’s eyes and Emily feels her own tears fall onto her cheeks. She wipes them away furiously. “So, excuse me if I refuse to accept it until I have confirmation that he’s dead. Because the thought of it…of him just gone without me getting the chance to say goodbye, without telling him one more time how much I love him,” she shakes her head again, her chin trembling with the force of the emotions she was trying to hold back, “It’s too much to bear.”

“I just think-”

“You paid for that doctor to travel all the way from California because you’d read somewhere that he might be able to help, Dad,” she lets a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh, unsure herself which one it was, “He was dead by the time he got here,” she shrugs, her shoulders heavy with everything she’d endured for the last year and a half, “How is this different? How is me holding onto the tiny bit of hope I have left any different from that?”

Elizabeth wipes a tear from her cheek before clearing her throat, grief for herself, for her daughter and granddaughter almost enough to choke her. She eventually nods almost indiscernibly.

“I guess it isn’t,” Elizabeth finally says. Emily thinks if things were different between them, if they had the relationship Emily hoped to one day have with her own daughter, her mother would have stepped forward to hug her then. To wrap her in her arms and tell her that, no matter what, everything would be alright. Instead, she stands there, several feet away from her, a sad smile on her face Emily doesn’t remember seeing for quite some time, “I never apologised to you for how I was after your father died,” she says, shaking her head at herself, “I was so…wrapped up in my own grief, in everything I was about to have to do, that I didn’t allow myself to think about the fact you’d lost something too.”

The admission surprises Emily. It was one of the many things they’d never addressed. Something else that had pushed them to where they were now. The strange thing was, Emily had never had more empathy for her mother than she did right now. It wasn’t lost on her that she could already be a widow and a single mother without knowing it, that her wilful ignorance of it until she had confirmation from the army wouldn’t make it any less true if Aaron really was dead. In a cruel twist of fate, she may well have ended up in the exact same position as her mother, albeit much earlier on in her life.

“It’s ok,” Emily chokes out, unsure what else she can say, “If Aaron…I don’t know what I’d do.”

Elizabeth steps towards her and reaches out to grab Emily’s hand, squeezing it in hers like she hadn’t done for years.

“I know that you wouldn’t leave Mae behind in it all,” Elizabeth says, a flash of something Emily would call pride crossing her face as she mentions her granddaughter, “No matter what you end up having to wade through, I know you’ll keep her head above water too. You’re already a far better mother than I ever was.”

Emily doesn’t know what to say, sure that whatever it was would be wrong, somehow inappropriate. She blows out a breath, feeling it shudder as it escapes as if it catches on every rib on its way out. It feels like she has barely any space to breathe, her lungs stuffed full of pre-emptive grief that she refuses to let out.

“Thanks, Mom.” ___

Aaron,

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.

I have nowhere to send it because the one place I know you aren’t is where you should be. Here.

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to come to terms with the fact you’re gone and that I am a fool for hoping for anything different. Hope is as necessary as it is foolish, so I will hold onto it with both hands until someone tells me for certain you were one of the men who died.

I haven’t said this to anyone, because it sounds ridiculous even to me, but I think I’d know if you were dead. I think I’d be able to feel it.

I’ve never really been sure what I believe in. Whether there is a heaven or what comes after this. Good vs evil never seemed as black and white to me as they tried to make it seem in church, especially now after everything that’s happened over the last few years.

But if you’re there, if you really have left us, I hope it’s good. Please wait for me, because I’ll spend the rest of my life waiting for you.

I love you.

Emily

___

October 1918

She stands back as she slides the last book into place, pushing it to level with the others on the shelf.

Shortly after her conversation with her mother, bookshelves Emily hadn’t asked for or ordered arrived and were then built by the estate’s handyman. They were a silent show of support from her mother and she appreciated it.

“Well, baby girl,” Emily says, looking over to where Mae was sitting in the corner of the room, surrounded by her toys, “That’s the last of them.”

Mae smiles at her mother, clapping her hands together, babbling in a way that only Emily seemed to understand.

“I know,” Emily replies enthusiastically as if her daughter had said something interesting, “We’ll get some chairs in here I think,” she says mindlessly, “That way, when you learn to read in a few years we can practise in here together. And when you’re a bit older, you can read whatever you want. Poetry’s always been my favourite,” her smile slips from her face, “Daddy always made fun of me for it.”

There was still nothing, no news or updates that were positive or negative. Elizabeth had even tried to use her connections, something that Emily was grateful for for the first time in her whole life, but there was nothing. Complete silence.

Emily didn’t understand how anyone could simply disappear, or how she was supposed to accept it. She feels all too familiar grief climb up her chest, greeting her like an old friend. She clears her throat, forcing it back down before she looks back at the books.

“Maybe alphabetically wasn’t the way to go,” she says to herself, using the same distraction she had used for weeks in an attempt to calm herself, “The Dewey Decimal system is more modern but-”

She’s cut off by a knock on the door, and she sighs, closing her eyes as she continues to try to calm down.

“I’m not really in the mood for company, Mother,” she says tightly, not turning to look at the door, “Can you come back later?” The door opens anyway and her frustration turns quickly into anger. She whips around, already speaking, “I said I want to be-” She cuts herself off. Her words dying in her throat as their eyes meet. For a moment she forgets to breathe. Everything reduced to just her and the impossible sight in front of her. “You…”

Aaron steps towards her, approaching her tentatively like she was a wild animal, and he stops just short of touching her.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

She takes a step backwards, “No, you’re…this isn’t…” she trips over her words, everything she’d repressed for weeks rising to the surface, overwhelming her, “You were missing. They wrote and said they didn’t know where you are,” she covers her mouth with her shaking hand, just barely catching a sob before it escapes, “I thought you were dead.”

It’s the first time she’s said anything close to it since that afternoon in her mother’s office when she first found out something had happened. Ever since she’d spoken around it, alluded to it in different terms. Worried that if she said it it would make it real. She feels her heart crack in her chest, and she covers her face with her hands.

“Em.” He steps forward and pulls her into a hug, not offended when she tenses slightly, all too aware that her emotions were fraught, “I was hurt after the explosion,” he says, kissing the top of her head as she snakes her arms around him, her body finally catching up with her brain, “I was still mobile and got lost in all the confusion. I ended up in a different hospital from the others. I wrote to you.”

He feels her respond, her words vibrating through his chest, but he doesn’t hear it. He pulls away from her, his hands on her shoulders as he looks down at her.

“Sorry love, I didn’t hear you,” he says softly, removing one hand from her to point at his ear when she looks at him, her tear-filled eyes narrowed in confusion, “My ear was damaged in the explosion, the doctor said I’ll likely never get all my hearing back.”

“I said I didn’t get the letter,” she repeats, her gaze shifting to his left ear. She reaches out to touch it as if she could feel the damage she couldn’t see, “Your hearing…”

“It’s just the left side,” he explains, and she nods, acknowledging she understands, “But it’s enough that the army can’t make use of me anymore.”

She freezes again, her hands grasping the back of his jacket, the scratchiness of the material enough to bring her back to the moment fully for the first time since he walked in.

“You mean…” she drifts off, sure she’s somehow misunderstood, that the universe wasn’t suddenly being kind to her after spending so long being cruel.

“They honourably discharged me,” he says, smiling at her, leaning down so his forehead presses into hers, “I’m home for good.”

She breathes out, her lungs feeling relief in a way she’s sure they haven’t since this all started. Since she’d sat on a bus, a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly that she didn’t know about yet as she watched him disappear from view. She cups his cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss, foregoing any attempt to be gentle.

“I love you,” she says, pulling back just far enough to speak, before she kisses him again, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he replies, his hand buried in her hair, refamiliarising himself with the feel of her, “I’m sorry you were so worried.”

She chokes out a laugh, and she was about to tell him that worried doesn’t even come close to covering it, but they are interrupted by a cry from the other side of the room. Emily looks over, laughing at the slightly put-out look on Mae’s face as she starts to crawl over to her parents.

“Sorry, Mae. We haven’t forgotten about you I promise,” she says, disconnecting herself from her husband as she walks the short distance to their daughter, wiping her tears from her cheeks before she leans down to pick the baby up. She hauls her onto her hip, kissing the side of her head before she turns back to Aaron.

“She’s gotten so big,” Aaron says, smiling at the sight of his girls together, “She’s beautiful.” He can’t believe how much she’s grown, how different she looks from the last time he saw her. If he thought she looked like Emily back then, she certainly looks more like her now. He tries to ignore the pang of hurt as Mae shies away from him when he reaches out for her, burying herself further into Emily’s side.

Emily wipes fresh tears from her cheeks, sure she’d never stop now she had started “She’s ok, she’s just a bit shy around…”

She stops herself, cutting herself off before she says something that could upset him. Aaron smiles tightly at her.

“Around strangers,” he finishes for her before he wraps his arm around her.

“You’re not a stranger,” Emily says, leaning into him, not wanting to be anywhere other than with him anytime soon.

“I’ve missed a lot,” he laments, watching how Mae watches Emily, all of her focus on her mother as if she’d somehow inherited his love for her despite the fact she’d never really seen it in action.

Emily presses a kiss to his cheek before she pulls back to look at him, keen to make sure he hears her.

“You’re here now,” she says, smiling widely at him, “There will be plenty to see and do together.”

Aaron nods, pulling her into his chest, grateful when Mae doesn’t seem to mind being close to him as long as Emily is too. He kisses the top of his wife’s head, breathing in the scent of her, filling his lungs with it. Letting it replace everything that had taken residence in his chest since they had last seen each other. It finally sinks in that he’s home. Because home had never been the Prentiss’s estate, or the tiny house he used to live in on it.

Home had always been her.

“We can do everything.”

-x-

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whentommymetalfie · 1 year ago

Note

Hello again!

Thank you for your explanation on the wtma-AU! I am very happy to hear that you have something planned! I'll keep my fingers crossed that the muse paid a visit! 😃

And now to the current chapter... what can I say... ahem. 😎 A bit of relaxation (for both of them) and at the same time a way to keep Tommy present and to feel himself in a positive way. And so well written too. 🔥 They should definitely add this back into their routine. Also to show Tommy that it's okay, especially when everything else is so difficult for him. Reading on (that scene half in mind 😌) one realizes painfully quickly (as does Tommy), that there's still a long road ahead of him and how important Alfie is for him. I really love that pairing written by your hand. A huge compliment for bringing them to life this way (in case I repeat myself - I don't care 😁)!

Oh! And there's Finn! I'm curious what you're going to do with him! Are you referring to the wtma-AU regarding the relationship between the two? (Or) do you stick to the series and Finn's faux pas still comes to light? Can't wait to find out how it'll continue!

Thank you for such a long chapter! See you next time! ❤️

Lovely to hear from you again, and thank you for your message and for giving me the opportunity to rant about my various writing endevours!

I did accidentally write a rough draft currently sitting at 15k for the WTMA-verse in a sort of hyper fixated daze, which I’m hoping will turn into something proper sometime soon ❤️

Tommy and Alfie definitely deserved some proper alone time after all the chaos I’ve put them through. And I can reveal we’ll continue down that road in the new chapter (even if it’ll prove difficult to get said alone time when you’re surrounded by Tommy’s family, which Alfie will find out…)

As for Finn, when I began writing this series, season 6 hadn’t aired, so I’m sort of basing my characterization of him on things pre-season 6, and earlier than that . He’s definitely a bit out of character with the later season, more of a naive, well-meaning but also slightly clueless little brother type, who’s struggled knowing how to deal with Tommy’s disappearance and made some less than stellar choices along the way. He won’t be playing a huge role right now, but I felt that his existence needed to be addressed and for that loose end to be tied up.

Thank you again for your kind message and your encouragement ❤️ The new chapter is finished! Just going to give it a final read through, and hopefully post sometime tomorrow afternoon. I hope you’ll enjoy it!

#ask #❤️

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ofgravitation-moved · 2 years ago

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pro hero: sensory girl!

hey !! remember my girl, rhea rose? the cute coffee girl at your local coffee shop? well! she's getting a b.nha verse !!

** it's actually a crossover verse i had developed a year or more ago for a character that never really much took off? so, rhea's getting it since she's had more traction! this idea was derived from meredy from fairy tail & the teen wolf series!

** disclaimer: i do not claim to own rhea! her art is all from the webtoon: reunion! by creator: stephatty!

name: rhea rose

age: verse dependent. / mainly, early to mid 20s.

quirk: sensory link - allowing the wielder of the quirk to link their senses with someone else they've physically touched / or have a strong bond with.

rhea can link others with herself, or other people together entirely. the linked people are distinguished by a seal that looks like a heart on one of their wrists. the two people being connected to rhea do not have to be near each other in order for this quirk to work.

her quirk though not healing in nature, has been developed to fall more into that category. when touching an injured person, rhea can create a link, and she takes on that person's injuries. vice versa, if she was wounded, and she linked with another, they could take her pain.

when linked, all senses are shared: thought, taste, smell, sight, and touch. it's not a very combative quirk, however, rhea did attend u.a. and became recovery girl's sidekick. so she is trained in many forms of hand to hand combat and can defend herself rather well. also, her ability to link with someone and be able to predict their moves on the battlefield can be very helpful in a fight.

history: healing quirks are hard to come by, and even harder to find. because of all for one's previous endeavors of acquiring multiple quirks, healing quirks nearly became non-existent. and recovery girl knew that one day there would be a day where she'd need an apprentice. she wouldn't live forever.

recovery girl approached the rose family when rhea was a young girl. her quirk was on the dangerous quirk list. & when that list crossed recovery girl's desk, she contacted the family and told the rose's of her plans to work with rhea and her quirk, grooming her in the fields of medicine: she'd have a specialized course at ua, tuition fully paid for-- it was a no brainer. rhea had been scouted from the time she was a young girl-- but she never wanted to be a hero. until, she saw day in and day out the difference that recovery girl made in other people's lives.

after the first few weeks of internships and then work studies at recovery girl's side in the later years of her schooling at u.a, rhea began to better understand what was expected for her: what recovery girl, expected of her.

she took up the rescue hero course, trained as an emt, and then as a nurse after. three years after graduation, trained with knowledge of a doctor, and the combative skills of a pro hero, sensory girl became recovery girl's sidekick and rarely has left her side since.

current: rhea lives in a decent apartment right near jaku general hospital. she's close enough to work that she rarely has to take a train. she splits her time with recovery girl between the hospital and u.a's infirmary. the kids in class 1-a this year are some of the most reckless she's ever seen, honestly.

her work as a sidekick is more as a medical aid / trauma medic on the battlefield than anything else. aside from assisting recovery girl in any capacity needed with surgeries and injuries in the er at the hospital, she's always on call to any hero in need also. as fast as her car can take her, that is. she can't fly, unless she links with someone else that has a quirk that can.

she's so busy most days, she has little to no free time. what free time she does have is usually spent relaxing with a coffee at a local coffee shop her family owns. often on a weekend, you'll find her there lending a hand, though she takes no profits or tips.

#m: rhea rose #all you need is love & a good cup of coffee. / rhea rose.#v: the sidekick: sensory girl! / rhea rose.#hc: rhea rose #i think she's neat and she's been in my head for YEARS #i am so happy i can finally give this verse to character deserving of it!#can't wait to develop her!!!<3 #tw: long post #also me: saves this so she never has to type it EVER again

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jbreenr · 3 years ago

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I didn't want to post my NWH spoilers just yet but I need to let it out so…

⚠ Spider-Man: No Way Home spoilers under the cut ⚠

Michelle didn't convince me in the first two movies as a character and love interest, but I really liked how supportive and great she was with Peter and how she put up with all that crap for him.

Now, and I apologize beforehand… MATTHEW FUCKING MURDOCK IS BAAAACK, BITCHES!!!!! THOSE CHARLIE COX LEAKS WERE REAL AND I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY BECAUSE MY BOY IS FINALLY GETTING WHAT HE DESERVES.

Istg I screamed when he caught that brick? stone? idk, and everyone was like “how did you do that?” and he goes “Well, I'm a good lawyer.” It was only a few minutes of him onscreen but those minutes were worth the cost of the ticket.

Right now I didn't care if the Spiderverse actually happened. I was more than good with Matty on the picture.

Back to the movie, i did feel bad for Michelle and Ned not getting into the MIT because of recent controversies. Y'all are the reason people say Thanos was right!!!

Strange accepting helping Peter was such a great gesture of comradeship, in the absence of another word.

And even though I understand why Peter kept interrupting him while performing the spell, I couldn't help but to be frustrated. Like, ugh, Pete, shut up and let the wizard do the favor you asked for!

Okay so, the spell didn't go as planned, Peter's trying to convince this lady to give Ned And Michelle a second chance to get in and BAM! we have Otto and the whole spot from the trailer.

+ Peter saving this woman who, in gratitude, will convince the MIT to consider his friends AND him.

I had no idea how Otto got the Stark tech, and now we know he took the nano from Peter's suit, which didn't work well for him in the end but whatever.

Then we have that quick glimpse of the Green Goblin before Stephen brings Peter back and tells him he captured the Lizard, that everyone from other universes that knew Peter was Spider-Man was coming and that he'd have to capture all of them to send them back.

Something I don't understand is why are they all so angry at Peter? As far as I remember from the previous movies, they redeemed themselves.

Maybe Max didn't, but Connors, Doc Ock, Sandman…

Which is brought up again when Flint saves Peter from becoming barbecue thanks to Electro and then he's like yeah, I don't need fixing even though I want to go back to my daughter, I'll be a villain.

Lemme point this out, Stephen separated Peter from his physical form to his Astral form and he was able to go back into his body and keep Stephen from taking the box from him. Was it his Spidey-sense (no, I'm not calling it tingle)? Because it was awesome.

Otto having his silence and mind back is just so good.

And well, Max suggested there is a black Spider-Man somewhere. Miles, I'm looking at you, bud.

Norman. Just ✨ perfect ✨. The way the Goblin analyzed Peter through Norman was brilliant.

And him convincing both Max and Flint and, well, Connors they were Gods and they didn't need fixing.

Now, freaking hell if I knew what was about to happen and still was not ready. I already knew May was going to die, but I had this slight drop of hope when she stood up and walked to Peter saying that she was okay.

She told Peter that with great power comes great responsibility and I'm totally sobbing at this point.

I ugly cried, people. Not as much as I did with Loki or Nat or Tony, but it's fine because we're finally getting a Peter who suffers and has nothing. Which is sad but that's the essence of the character.

And then, Happy watching from the car.): His realization of what was happening broke me.

Okay but Ned is ✨ magical ✨ and he freaking opened portals.

TO NO OTHERS THAT ANDREW AND TOBEY'S PETERS!!!!!

SPIDER-VERSE CONFIRMED. 👏🏻CON👏🏻FIR👏🏻MED👏🏻

FFS I almost end up hoarse. My hands were shaking and sweating and yes, you can call me ridiculous but this is a freaking big event in the History of television.

Then, we have the other two Peters telling… Peter about their losses, about Gwen and how Uncle Ben told them the same thing May did the day(s) he died. It was very emotional.

And they deciding they were going to help the villains.

That joke about Peter, no I mean Peter Parker. Was hilarious. Mostly because in the group of people I went with there is another Brenda and we get that a lot.

Peter (Andrew) saying that he wants to fight an alien. Oh, boy no, you don't want to. Trust me.

And then Peter (Tobey) telling him that he's not the worst Spider-Man, that he's amazing. Man, he is. I love Tom, Tobey is part of my childhood but Andrew's SM has been my favorite till now. Though I believe Tom's is talking over.

I froze when Michelle fell and Peter was about to get her and the Goblin stopped him. I was certain she was gone too.

But then we got Peter (Andrew) saving her and I cried again. His face when he realized that he saved her, that he didn't let Peter's girlfriend die... GOD!!! Too many feelings.

They stop them all, except for Norman and damn if I saw Peter beating him to death.

I gasped really loud when Peter (Tobey) stopped him and then got freaking stabbed. Like what's gOING ON?!? WTF, WHAT'S THIS?

Oc, they heal Norman too and I breath normally again when Peter says he's fine, that he's been stabbed before.

Now, the multiverse is opening again. Whoever that knows Peter's identity is coming through and Strange does his best to stop them.

And Peter makes the most difficult decision ever. A variant of the spell, where everyone forgets about him. Not only that he's Spider-Man, but about his whole existence, as if he'd never existed.

And my heat aches because it works and he couldn't tell Michelle or talk to his best friend or--.

Or Happy, in the cemetery with May. I would have liked it if the gravestone had said “Ben Parker & May Parker” instead, but I guess we'll never know what happen to uncle Ben.

I was lowkey expecting to see Mr. Ditkovich when someone said something about rent in Peter's new place.

Also, did y'all see that new suit!??!??!?!??!? The colors, the spider in the back, the eyes in the mask. Great, beautiful, magnificent. *chef kiss*

And those post-credits. MAAAAAN. Eddie going back to his universe but Venom leaving a little Venom behind!?!! We already knew it was likely to happen but.… YESSSSS!!!

AND MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS TEASER AS THE SECOND POST-CREDIT. MAAAN, STEPHEN ASKING WANDA FOR HELP, ASKING HER WHAT SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE MULTIVERSE AND FREAKING KAECILIUS AND MORDO AND AMERICA CHÁVEZ.

Dude, I can't wait to watch this movie. It's gonna be crazy.

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drusilla-carstairs · 3 years ago

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As a happy anniversary to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) I’m assigning a TSC character/ship to some Fearless TV songs!

Fearless - Malec - Starting off strong, a classic for a classic! Malec is Fearless. The Fearless rune is so important to their original TMI story and just,,, some on. “You pull me close and I’m a little more brave.”

Love Story - Sizzy - “Isabelle! Let down your raven hair!” Honestly who could do it better. If the Love Story final verse isn’t the Sizzy proposal I don’t want it.

Hey Stephen - Clace - Another perfect classic… sorry all the TMI ships are first but this is simply true.

White Horse - Cristina - “Stupid girl, I should’ve known, I should’ve known”. I just know Cristina blasted this song after her breakup with Diego )): “Begging for forgiveness, begging for me, just like I always wanted, but I’m so sorry”

You Belong With Me - Drias - Maybe I am biased but Drias would give the perfect friends to lovers, and I can already see Thias in the role of unnoticed but always there for Dru until she realizes.

Breathe - Ty - I’ve always taken this song in a more platonic sense than romantic—so if you take this as a Ty & Livvy or a Ty & Kit song, it fits post-TDA Ty horribly well.

Tell Me Why - Kamalanna - I am not anti-Kamalanna, but this song really hits all the issues of their current relationship. Anna’s mean streak and Kamala’s lack of communication…

You’re Not Sorry - Jocelyn - Master manipulator Valentine meets Jocelyn’s conviction and realization that he actually isn’t capable of love or change.

The Way I Loved You - Maia - Oh this song really gets Maia’s mixed feelings for Jordan, and subsequently her relationship with Bat.

Forever & Always - Wessa - The dramatic romanticism? The hot and cold of Will suppressing his emotions? The irony of the song title? Yeah.

The Best Day - Matthew - This song regularly makes me cry, and so does Matthew if I think about his relationship with his parents for too long 🥲

Change - the TWP gang - “The walls they put up to hold us back will fall down”!!! This group of teens is going to break the cycle of violence and corruption like none of their predecessors could and I’m already proud of them 💜

Jump Then Fall - Heline - (,: they’re perfect. “When people say things that bring you to your knees, I’ll catch you. The time is gonna come when you’re so mad you could cry, but I’ll hold you through the night until you smile.” It’s giving a partner who will follow you into banishment <3

Untouchable - Jemma - Forbidden love anyone? “In the middle of the night, when I’m in this dream, it’s like a million little stars spelling out your name” is equal to “I love you more than starlight”

Come In With The Rain - Kieran/Mark - “Talk to yourself, talk to the tears, talk to the man who put you here” This is Mark during Lady Midnight, when Kieran needs to learn to take his fears and insecurities out on the actual reason for them (his father). “I’ve watched you so long, screamed your name, I don’t know what else I can say”. Anyway, it’s Kieran and Mark before Kieran’s arc

The Other Side of The Door - Malec - I know they’re on here twice. I’m sorry. But this song is the Malec breakup. Like I’m convinced CC used it for inspiration. Magnus wanting Alec to make an effort and be everything for him? Magnus ignoring Alec’s efforts for his pride but not wanting him to go and leave him alone again?

Today Was A Fairytale - Ghost Writer - Okay, disregarding canon, Lucie deserves her fairytale romance, and I know Jesse would give it. This song sings of Lucie romanticizing their every move and I just,,,

Mr. Perfectly Fine - Jordelia - This song is very much a Cordelia perspective of James going from genuine with her to “Mr. Perfectly Fine” who has no feelings for her at all.

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nemeseos-noctua · 4 years ago

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Hello! It's nice to see a new genshin impact writer! I saw requests are open, and there's two I have in mind (if it's ok with you): One is for Razor, Albedo, Xiao, and ganyu (possibly Aether if you can) wherein Reader is scared of love. Like, they're scared of opening up and love someone in fear of rejection or being tossed away. But yet they still daydream having someone who'd love them making it more obvious how much they want to love despite their fears anyway--

With this information, how will they confess to Reader about their feelings? Or comfort/console them?

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: albedo, xiao, ganyu, (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: reader has a pyro vision, albedo and xiao story spoilers in their parts

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: srry for cutting some characters off!! the character limit is 3! (but personally i would write for aether hehe hes so cute i love him)

you just so happened to have a quest in dragonspine

you did not expect to see fatui—especially not fight them

and... you did not expect to get ganged up on! what is this? a bully session? what the heck?

Among the brawn and burly figures of the Fatui members, you didn’t fail to notice a streak of blonde and dazzling blue from a distance—your eyes widening as you prayed to whatever archon would dare to listen...

Please, please don’t be another stupid enemy. You thought with a grimace, your heart pounding in your chest as you could hear a voice—it was calm yet strong, like a endless waterfall or a river creek.

“Burst forth!”

In a matter of seconds, a geo flower emerged from the earth, your form being lifted up on the tiny platform as shards of crystallized rock formed under you, nearly stabbing you in the gut.

Who? What? How? Who was this stranger? This vision-wielder?

Wasting no time, you plummeted down on a nearby Fatui—deeming this geo-user as ‘safe’, you summoned your own flames, charring the crystal snow black as you wrapped your arm around the blonde, barely taking any time to observe his features.

from then on, you never expected to grow close to this mystery man

turns out he was the chief alchemist of the knights! you weren’t personally associated with the knights... but being chief alchemist certainly was a grand title, right?

with the use of your pyro vision, you helped accompany—albedo—you learned his name was

at first, the two of you were just exploration buddies. but as time went on, butterflies began to form in your stomach, nervousness seemed to peak when he was around

love was like a poison—you knew it’d hurt, you knew it’d kill you to have a drop—

but you wanted it. you wanted love, you wanted to be held by albedo and to twirl his silky hair around your fingers...

but—would he want you?

You wanted to love Albedo so badly.

Yet you knew, you couldn’t. The alchemist just wasn’t the type for love, he was not the type to give kisses or reassurances, nor was he the type to confess with a rose in his hands.

It wouldn’t hurt to dream, though.

The thoughts you had before you slept were of him, of how pretty his eyes were—you couldn’t even pinpoint a color for it. Sometimes, they were blue, sometimes, they were teal.

With every shooting star that’d zip past the sky, every eyelash that’d fall and every fire that’d be lit with the palm of your hands... you hoped for a love. A love so grand it’d outshine the sun, a love so grand it could make you forget the past and undo the pain of before.

But, in the depths of your mind, in the wings of the butterflies that’d flutter in your stomach... you knew—

Albedo did not love you.

albedo initially thought of you as a torch lighter.

LOOK, HE IS A LOGICAL AND RESOURCEFUL MAN. he does not see the world with a rosie-colored-lens like how many others do—he sees it as the facts

and with your pyro vision? combined with dragonspine, ooh, please... ain’t that a match lighter?

but as time went on, he started to see you in a new light

you were knowledgeable, you respected his views and even contributed sometimes! you were no prodigy of alchemy, of course, but you were well-versed in combat and oftentimes knew how to navigate dragonspine

(he asked you how you knew dragonspine so well. all you told him was “Pain”)

but... albedo is observant. he’s definitely aware of your feelings and nervousness, how you get overly sweaty near him and fumble on your words

it’s then he realizes—he likes you too

love is a foreign concept to him, uncharted territory and an unexplored region. of course, as an alchemist, it is up to him to discover the unknown

and love—love is unknown

how could one possibly dedicate their entire life to another? albedo always questioned this notion, for humans were free beings that wanted nothing more than to break free of their shackles

and yet—the moment the alchemist met you? all of those questions flew out of the window

he wished... he wished to love you. but to him, it looks as if you do not want to love him

It’s frustrating, really.

How Albedo would brush over your hand mindlessly, how he’d hand you an object and let your fingertips meet for two seconds too many, how his cold yet soft lips would curve into a smile upon seeing you return from your endeavors.

Why? Why? Why? Why did he do this? Was he aware of the way he made you go crazy?

You wanted to love him, so so bad—but—

“[Y/N],” Albedo’s voice seemed to pierce through your thoughts as if he had heard them.

“Y-Yes?” You turned immediately, the rush of your heart not calming a bit, the nervousness of your leg that bounced up and down as a remedy that you wish didn’t have to be so obvious.

Averting his eyes from yours, you missed the pixie blush that dusted the tip of his ears. He was not aware of your insecurities—but he was aware of one thing.

That—that he liked you... a lot, in fact.

“Recently...” Albedo started, clearing his throat anxiously before continuing, “I have started to develop some... feelings, for you. It is okay if you do not reciprocate, but it feels wrong to think about you in such a light when you are not awa—“

“Yes!”

You winced.

And then, everything seemed to crumble. Was he talking about someone else? Was there someone behind you? Was this a mindless prank? As it had been all those years ag—

A hand rested on your cheek, bringing you back to reality with the mere touch of his fingers.

albedo... in all of his intelligent prowess... was not expecting for you to say yes

in the public, he is a genius— a prince, a prodigy, even. but to him, he is but a failed student who is trying his best in completing his master’s final orders:

find the meaning of life

what is life? life is broad, life is different, life is... well, life.

at first, albedo had assumed that his master was talking about living life, as in plants or animals.

but now—with you, with klee, with mondstadt, with everyone.

the chief alchemist seemed to realize:

life, life was in you.

life brought joy, laughter, pain, excitement, happiness—

and sometimes, even love

“But Albedo I—“

“It’s okay, [Y/N]. Though I am not personally aware of what seems to be troubling you, I will do everything in my power to assure that you feel comfortable with me.”

Life was short, Albedo noted.

So—he wants to enjoy it.

—With you.

xiao does not fear rejection, but he does fear love

how pitiful... for a guardian yaksha such as him to fear such a trivial matter

love—love was scary. love could take control of him like how he was manipulated in the archon war, love could tug his arms and move him around like a puppet

he, adeptus xiao, did not want to love

but then, you came in. and it frustrated him tremendously. you were but a mere mortal, a fleeting life that came into his eternal one. you were someone who he did not deserve

and yet, he loved you

so much, so so so much, he can’t bear it. he can take on all those karmic binds, all those whispers and hatred—yet he cannot bear the love he feels for you. he cannot bear the way his heart races or leaps whenever he sees you, he cannot bear you

but—his heart does not like the fact that you feel the same

you had told him before, one night, a few months ago... you told him how you were afraid of love

you were afraid of getting tossed away, of being forgotten like the fallen archons in war, like a side character in a play of fontaine

and all xiao could do was scoff. whoever dared to throw you away would meet his spear, his rage. he could not fathom a world where you were hated, where anyone would dare to reject you—because, because—

you were his world, regrettably

Pacing up the stairs of Wangshu Inn, you ignored the gross feeling of your clothes sticking to your skin.

“[Y/N].”

Jolting up, your eyes met with that of the Guardian Yaksha—his piercing gaze and unwavering strength eyeing you down as if you were a pest.

“You’re going to get sick. Your mortal body cannot withstand such weather,” Xiao scolded, and on cue, a flash of light zipped through the air, the deep rumble of thunder following soon after.

Observing the way you flinched at the noise, Xiao merely wrapped an arm around your waist, teleporting you to the top of the inn and into your room.

“Dry up. I will return with soup,” The adeptus waved off your nervous gaze. He was not stupid, he has seen mortals succumb to sickness, and he hopes that you will not be one of them.

but as he heads to the kitchen, he cannot help but notice—notice the fact that you seemed to be... uneasy around him

was it something he said? was he perhaps too harsh with you? you of all people should know his words mean well, though...

and ugh, here it is again. the feeling of love that made even him overthink the smallest of things

yet after he brought you some soup and got you into bed, the question still ran around his mind like a halo. did you hate him? was this sickness bringing out your true thoughts?

well, yes and no

“Xiao...” You quietly murmured, wincing as the winds picked up inside your room, materializing a certain Yaksha out of thin air.

“What?”

“I’m sorry...”

“...?”

Rushing up to you, Xiao immediately placed a hand on your forehead, worried that you were on the brink of death.

“I’m sorry for liking you.”

“... What?” His eyes widened in disbelief, in shock. Sorry? Why were you sorry? Did you regret liking him? Was that why—

“I know...” You trailed off, in a drunken state of sickness, “That you don’t love me. But that’s okay. I just... wanted to let you know... because I’m afraid you’ll say no... but if you say no, I can at least move on...”

Staring at you fiercely, his breath hitched in his throat. No? No? He would never say no to you, ever, ever.

“Don’t move on,” Was all he could muster.

Don’t. He wasn’t ready for love, no, he never was—but—

He did not want you to leave.

This action of sickness was finally a catalyst, a catalyst for Xiao to confess to you properly when you were in the right state of mind.

And hopefully—when he does, you will say yes.

xiao only confesses because he does not want to lose you

his karmic binds, the whispers, the screams. he does not want you to get tainted by them—so he is selfish, he is selfish for loving you and confessing to you... but he, he cannot bear to see you go

a double-edged sword, love is. it stabs his heart, skewering it as if it were nothing. it plunges his mind, clouding his thoughts as they fill with you and only you

can’t he just indulge in this fluffy feeling, once?

no—he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve you.

Under the rising stars and floating lanterns, the two of you sit. It is an unspoken love, you both share, it is an unwritten rule that paints the back of your minds like a canvas of colors.

But love—is love. Love is the rainbow that forms in the sky when the rain is over, love is the sun that shines, washing away all of the coldness of the world.

Love is you.

ganyu feels... alone

so when you come into her life like a prospering glaze lily, she wants nothing more than to love you!

but you, confuse her. she is 100% sure you return her feelings, so why do you not seem to be... excited, about it?

To an immortal like Ganyu—love changes. At first, love was for the world, but then it shifted for mankind, and then it moved to... you.

She was no strange to love, in fact, she welcomed it! Ganyu wants to feel as mortal as possible, so when you stumble in and make her fumble for words—she knows she has fallen.

Like a meteor or a person—she falls for you. Everything reminds her of you, every flower and every bird makes her want to talk to you and spend her time with you.

But lately—you have been quite... reserved.

at first, ganyu thinks she is the problem. that she has done something wrong and she is a terrible crush

but then, she hears rumors. rumors about your past loves and how they rejected you mercilessly, how they played you like a marinette doll and caused you pain

to ganyu—that is the lowest any mortal could ever go. but for now, that is not her problem. she wants to help you, to make you realize that you are deserving of love and that you—you make her feel love

she—of course, does not confront you about this directly. ganyu is far too experienced to bring up past conflicts

but, she will subtly make you realize her feelings. with morning and night walks around liyue harbor, with hangouts and ‘dates’ at liuli pavilion...

love... it’s quite beautiful, isn’t it?

“Ah, the food here is certainly marvelous,” Ganyu gushed, enjoying a nice plate of jade parcels as you spared a smile.

“Yes, thank you for this, Ganyu. I know you work a lot and—“

“Of course, [Y/N]. Everyone needs breaks,” The woman returned your kind gesture, eyes crinkling in amusement as your heart pounded so loudly in your chest.

“In all honesty, [Y/N]. I feel quite a connection to you, and though I am aware you are hesitant— I just wanted to let you know that you are loved... by many people, not only me,” Ganyu rested her chopsticks down, making complete eye contact with you as her blue hair framed her face. The black and red horns that adorned her head glimmered—the kindness and delicate features of her nose and lips, her eyes and smile—

Your breath hitched.

ganyu—of course— does not expect an answer right away!

in fact, she thinks it’s quite unorthodox to confess to someone who is afraid of love—but her instincts told her it was right

it was abrupt, she knows. you don’t have to say yes, she knows.

but still, love was a game of chance—just as gambling, betting, anything. love was a game for two

so she took it. she took the chance, hoping that maybe you, you’d say yes.

“I...” You trailed off. You didn’t know Ganyu returned your feelings, neither did you ever imagine she could... Ganyu was half-adeptus, a caliber above you and your mortal-ness! Why would she ever think of you as anything more tha—

“Do not be afraid, [Y/N],” Ganyu’s voice was gentle as she soothed you. She had been here before, she had seen you cry out of a yearning for something you couldn’t have, she had seen your heart shatter and your mindset retract.

“I... like you too,” You responded, you felt light-headed, like you were soaring in the clouds that not even Celestia could bring you down.

Love, love was a gamble. And sometimes, you’d get your heart broken, your soul broken...

But love—it wasn’t so bad after all.

― constellations!

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #xiao x reader #albedo x reader #ganyu x reader #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #genshin xiao #genshin albedo #genshin ganyu #genshin #genshin impact #constellarations

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mandareeboo · 4 years ago

Text

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not.

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me.

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky.

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster.

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs!

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly.

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong.

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

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rosiehunterwolf · 3 years ago

Text

stuck with you (through bright and blue)

Prompts: Protective

Word Count: 4,400

Characters: The squad

Timeline: Pre-movie movie!verse

Trigger Warnings: Manipulation, Toxic Friendship

Summary: Kai only wants two things: to protect Lloyd, and to give him the best birthday ever. Unfortunately, Lloyd seems hell-bent on making that as difficult as possible. Kai’s always prided himself on achieving the impossible, but dealing with human emotions is much more complicated than beating up Garmadon’s generals or shooting enemies with fire, as he quickly learns. Movie!verse

Read on FFN.net

Read on Ao3

Tumblr work under the cut

“Woah, it looks like a massacre in here.”

At the sound of Cole’s voice, Kai, Jay, Lloyd, and Zane looked up from the map they had sprawled out across the table. Red pen was everywhere, circling different buildings and connecting them with lines.

“We’re having trouble finding a venue for Lloyd’s party,” Zane explained.

Nya rolled her eyes. “It’s not that hard! Just pick somewhere!” She held a hand out, shaking her phone. “We have five days until his birthday. Most places require at least that many to book a reservation. If we don’t decide today, we’ll have nowhere to go.”

“We can’t just pick anywhere,” Kai insisted. “It has to be perfect!”

“Why don’t we just go to the arcade?”

“It’s always so busy there.”

“It’s a Wednesday night! How many people are going to be there?”

“Trust me,” Jay said, “It’s still busy. It always is.”

Cole peered at the map. “Why’d you cross off the movie theater? Isn’t there a new Starfarer movie Lloyd’s been wanting to see?”

Kai shook his head. “Tickets sold out in like five hours. By the time school was over and we got over there, they were all gone.”

Jay frowned, running his fingers along one of the major streets. “What’s your favorite restaurant, Lloyd?”

“A restaurant? Are you serious?” Cole laughed. “We’d get kicked out in ten minutes.”

“Why can’t we just do it at my place?” Lloyd murmured. “I don’t need anything big deal.”

Kai frowned. “Your apartment isn’t that big, Lloyd. And I don’t want to bother your mom with all the decorations and stuff.”

Lloyd shrugged, looking down. “It doesn’t need to be big.”

“If you really want something simple,” Nya said, “why don’t we just do it at the warehouse? It’ll just be us, but there’s lots of space.”

Zane nodded. “That space would suffice. We would just have to ask Master Wu.”

“That is, if you’re certain that’s what you want.” Nya looked at Lloyd closely. “You sure you don’t want to do anything else?”

Lloyd nodded.

“Positive, bud?” Kai pushed. “Because it’s your birthday. We don’t mind at all.”

“I’m fine,” Lloyd insisted, getting to his feet. “It’s just another day on the calendar. Don’t make such a big fuss.”

The ninja fell silent.

“Lloyd,” Nya murmured, “it is a big deal to us.”

“Sorry. I’m just tired. And I’ve got homework. I should go.”

“Lloyd, wait-”

The green ninja pulled away from Kai’s outstretched hand. “I’m fine, Kai. I just have to go. Call me if you need anything.”

---

When they went back to school on Monday, their teachers loaded them with assignments, and Kai didn’t have a spare minute to talk to Lloyd in their shared classes. He couldn’t even talk at lunch because Lloyd had to make up a test. He kept his eyes peeled for his friend every time he was in the hallways, but if there was one thing Lloyd was good at, it was not being seen.

At the end of the school day, Nya texted him to meet up near their lockers. He got there and found her huddled around her locker with Cole, Jay, and Zane.

Kai walked over to them. “What’s going on? Where’s Lloyd?”

“He said he’d catch up with us later, which is why now is the perfect time for party preparation,” Jay said, gesturing towards Nya, who had a fiercely determined look on her face and was tightly clutching a clipboard. “Apparently she’s been waiting her whole life for this.”

“Alright.” Nya looked up from her clipboard. “I’ve already got streamers and gift wrap at home. What about you guys?”

“I’ve got a banner ordered with his name on it,” Cole said. “And of course, the shark tablecloths-”

Jay blinked. “Sharks?”

“Yeah. He loves sharks.”

“No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong! We’re getting the dragon ones! He loves dragons!”

“Well, yeah, duh, but he’d obviously like the shark one better.”

“Are you kidding? Sharks would remind him of his dad’s mechs!” “Yeah, well, dragons remind him of his mech, which also reminds him of fighting his dad.”

“Totally not the same, plus dragons are way cooler-”

“Okay, we’re going with the Starfarer ones, then,” Nya grumbled. “What about balloons? Who’s covering-”

“I have balloons,” Zane interrupted. “Two hundred and seventy-five of them.”

They gawked at him.

“Zane… why do you have so many balloons just lying around?” Jay asked.

“They are new! In the package! I can blow them up for Lloyd’s birthday party-”

“Shhhhh!” Four pairs of hands immediately pushed over his mouth, silencing him, even though they were the only ones in the very empty hallway.

“No one can find out,” Cole insisted. “This is Lloyd’s special day. We’re not about to let anyone ruin it.”

“Okay, so Zane’s got the balloons.” Nya ticked another item off the list. “What about the cake? I have most of the ingredients to make one at home, but I’m completely lacking the baking skills.”

Cole nodded. “I can bake a cake. What’s his favorite kind?”

“Lloyd likes that Funfetti one,” Kai murmured.

Cole’s nose wrinkled. “I’m not baking a box mix. I can get him the rainbow sprinkles, though, and make a homemade one.”

“Okay, sounds good. Jay, could you pick up some confetti before his birthday? And Zane, we need some fun paper plates.”

“Zane, you should get shark ones.”

“No, dragons!” “Zane will pick out whichever plates he likes,” Nya snapped.

“What about gifts?” Jay asked. “What are you guys getting?”

“I’m not telling you,” Nya yelped. “I have the best gift ever and I don’t want you stealing any ideas.”

“I’ve been setting aside pieces of my allowance for a month,” Cole grinned. “It’s gonna be sweet.”

Jay blinked at him expectantly, and Cole smirked. “I’m not telling you, either, blabbermouth.”

“Blabbermouth?” he yelped. “I can keep secrets perfectly fine, thank you.”

“Oh yeah? What about that time you nearly gave away all of our ninja identities?”

“Or-” Zane added, “when he and Lloyd were working on those surprise mech upgrades and he accidentally said something in front of Kai and Nya?”

“Oh, remember when he spoiled the finale of Cole’s favorite show?” Nya grinned. “Cole was pissed.”

“Okay, okay, so there were a few times,” Jay spluttered. “But those were a while ago! I have many more secrets that I have kept than I haven’t.”

Cole crossed his arms, smirking. “Name one.”

“Well, there was that one time, where I- hey!” He stopped, glaring at Cole. “You’re trying to trick me into telling you a secret!”

“And it very nearly worked. So no. You can’t know.”

Nya shrugged. “Sorry, Jay. He’s right. When you have a secret, you get nervous. And when you’re nervous, you talk. A lot. It would only be a matter of time before you spilled everything to Lloyd.”

“Fine,” Jay muttered. “Keep your secrets.”

Kai jumped slightly as Nya elbowed him, and she frowned. “You okay? You’ve been really quiet.”

Kai shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Is it just me, or… did Lloyd seem like he doesn’t really want a birthday party?”

The others went quiet.

“We’re not going to not give him a party,” Nya insisted. “You know how he gets. He never wants anyone to make a fuss.” Her brow furrowed. “It’s like he still can’t get it into his skull that we care about him.”

“I mean, of course I want to, it’s just… we can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want.” Kai bit his lip. “It’s been a rough past few months for him. I just want him to be happy.”

“We all do,” Cole agreed. “Lloyd deserves a night just about him, for once.”

Zane frowned. “But how are we supposed to give him the party that he wants if he won’t tell us what he wants?”

“Let me try to talk to him,” Kai said. “He might open up more if it’s just one of us there.”

---

Lloyd, in fact, did not want to talk.

He was more open during their classes the next day, and held casual conversation with him, but forcefully avoided the topic of his birthday whenever Kai brought it up.

He huffed with frustration. What kind of kid didn’t want to celebrate their birthday? He wished Lloyd would just tell him what was going on.

He wasn’t going to, though, so naturally, the next best thing was to follow him.

He wouldn’t call it spying- just finding another way of obtaining information when Lloyd refused to give it himself. Besides, he was doing this to help Lloyd, not to hurt him.

Kai jerked himself out of his thoughts as Lloyd nearly slipped from his view. He gritted his teeth, refocusing on him. Lloyd wasn’t an easy person to follow, either.

When he finally caught up to him, keeping a reasonable distance, of course, Lloyd was hovering near his locker. An unfamiliar, dark-haired kid was leaning against it, laughing at something as Lloyd smiled uneasily. Kai edged closer, his frown deepening.

“Where’s the spike head? And the rest of your gang?”

“Kai?” Lloyd shifted. “I dunno. He probably had homework and stuff to do.”

The guy shrugged. “I kind of found him annoying, anyway. You realize no one could ever get to you when your friends were around, right?”

“I guess that’s… kind of the point.”

“You can’t spend your whole life letting them protect you. If you block out any person who hurts you, you block out anyone who could potentially be a friend, too.” The guy smiled in a way that made Kai wanted to chuck himself between Lloyd and the guy.

“That’s… that’s the thing. No one wants to be nice to me.”

“Spare me the sob story,” the guy rolled his eyes. “I know your dad sucks, but at least you have one.”

Lloyd flinched. “Sorry.”

The guy laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder and shoving him. “Stop being so jumpy, will ya? No wonder kids pick on you, you’re as harmless as a flea.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Lloyd blinked. “I can’t hit them back, or I’ll be in more trouble than I already am.”

“You don’t need to hit them, just show them you’re not a total coward! Maybe if you actually listen to them instead of cringing away, things might change.”

“Listen to them? Are you saying they’re right?”

“What does it matter if they’re right? Look, Lloyd, you’ve already got it hard enough as it is, and you’re making everything more difficult. You’d be so much cooler if you actually hung out with important people and not the outcast-losers you’ve stationed yourself with.”

For the first time since the conversation had started, Lloyd appeared indignant. “They’re not- I mean, you’re not-”

The guy laughed. “See? You can’t even get a word out. You’re so pathetic. You don’t even need the fact that you’re Garmadon’s son to get picked on, you already got it all set up for the torment-”

Kai wasn’t aware of himself pushing forward, he just was, and suddenly he was gripping the guy by the collar of his shirt, a pair of wide, brown eyes staring fearfully up into his.

“Who do you think you are and what the hell are you doing?”

“I… um, I…” the guy swallowed, his throat running dry.

“You treating my best friend like a piece of shit?” Kai shook him. “Are you?”

“I’m sorry!” The guy squirmed. “I didn’t really mean it, we were just joking around, he says that kind of stuff to me all the time!”

“Really? Lloyd. Says that. You sure we’re talking about the same person? Because I do not take nicely to liars.”

The guy squirmed harder. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Just please let me go, I’ll never bother you again!” Kai shot him the fiercest glare he could muster. “You better not.” He stepped back, dropping the kid, and he took off like a bullet.

Turning back to Lloyd, he saw his friend was staring at the fleeing boy with wide, disbelieving eyes, but it quickly dissipated to anger as he turned to Kai. “What the heck did you do that for?”

Kai’s eyes widened. “I was protecting you? From a bully?” Lloyd’s eyes flashed, and Kai actually took a step back. “I don’t need you to protect me! I can fight my own battles!”

Before Kai could even say anything, Lloyd was storming down the hallway and disappearing around the corner.

Kai just stood there for a moment, in shock. What was that all about? Hadn’t he done the same thing for Lloyd a dozen times? Why would defending him ever be bad?

A buzz in his pocket interrupted his thoughts. Kai pulled out his phone to see a new message in the chat from his sister.

irondragonfangirl: how r things going with lloyd

MasterofFiyaaaaa: honestly? i think i made it worse

irondragonfangirl: well u better find a way to fix it soon because his bday’s TOMORROW

MasterofFiyaaaaa: yeah i’ll find a way through to him

MasterofFiyaaaaa: i just hope he listens

irondragonfangirl: don’t worry

irondragonfangirl: he will

irondragonfangirl: just make sure u remember to listen to him too

irondragonfangirl: i have a feeling we haven’t been doing that enough

irondragonfangirl: i feel terrible

MasterofFiyaaaaa: yeah me too

MasterofFiyaaaaa: we’ll make it up to him though

MasterofFiyaaaaa: right?

irondragonfangirl: sure as long as cole doesn’t burn this cake

irondragonfangirl: seriously y did we let him bake it

irondragonfangirl: if i dont respond in the next hour just assume his house burnt down and im dead

MasterofFiyaaaaa: can i have your motorcycle if you die

irondragonfangirl: shut up

---

Kai spent an hour looking for Lloyd after their confrontation, but he couldn’t find him anywhere, and Lloyd, unsurprisingly, hadn’t answered any of the twenty-some texts Kai had sent him, either. Eventually, he had to give up looking for him and resigned to speaking to him at school tomorrow.

His birthday.

In the first class they had together, Lloyd avoided looking at him, and Kai felt an ache in his chest. Today was his birthday. He knew things weren’t going to turn out like he had imagined, but he wanted them to at least be better than this.

Swallowing back his nerves, Kai walked over to him, where he was doodling something in his notebook.

Kai cleared his throat. “Um. Lloyd?”

Lloyd looked up, an expression flashing across his face that Kai couldn’t read, but he didn’t immediately leave or turn away from him, which Kai took as a good sign.

“Happy birthday, dude.”

Lloyd smiled tentatively back. “Thanks.”

Things didn’t go immediately back to normal after that- there was still a tension between them, and Lloyd wasn’t saying much more than a couple sentences at a time, firmly avoiding the topic of the previous day- but at least it was back to a level where Kai didn’t feel absolutely horrible for ruining his day. Lunch, at least, got a smile out of him- as well as a bunch of embarrassed blushing as Nya stabbed a candle into his brownie (they couldn’t actually light it, lighters weren’t allowed on campus) and they insisted on singing to him so off-key that Cole looked like he wanted to punch them.

When the last bell finally rang, Kai headed over to Lloyd’s locker, hoping they could talk now that there weren’t other kids around, but he wasn’t there.

Kai relented, pulling out his phone.

MasterofFiyaaaaa: Lloyd? i know youre upset but can we plz talk?

He held his breath, staring at the screen intensely, as if that would make Lloyd respond.

While he was waiting, a message from a group chat popped up.

irondragonfangirl: what’s taking so long jay, we need those decorations

jaybird123: eta 5 mins

jaybird123: i literally just left class how’d you get there so fast

jaybird123: wait you didn’t use the tunnels did you

irondragonfangirl: no me and cole are bringing the CAKE remember?

irondragonfangirl: im not taking that through the tunnel

irondragonfangirl: we didnt spend 3 hrs on that for it to get squished

irondragonfangirl: i told the nurse i wasn’t feeling well so i could go home early

irondragonfangirl: why didnt YOU take them

jaybird123: i couldn’t exactly discreetly smuggle all these decorations into my locker

jaybird123: mmm cake. is it good?

irondragonfangirl: don’t even THINK about it, that’s not until Lloyd gets here

jaybird123: but im hungryyyy

jaybird123: do i need to pick up anything for dinner?

rock’n’cole: nah it’s cool, we just found out lloyd’s favorite chinese restaurant, the Bamboo Dragon, delivers so we’re gonna order from there

jaybird123: my mouth is watering already

ZaneJulien:0xD;): Jay, you shouldn’t text while driving.

jaybird123: tell nya to get off my case then!

irondragonfangirl: exCUSE me zane you are supposed to be putting up those balloons right now why are YOU on your phone

ZaneJulien:0xD;): Why are you texting me? We are in the same room.

irondragonfangirl: why are YOU texting ME

rock’n’cole: would you guys just stop being dumb and come help me

irondragonfangirl: great now you got cole in on it too

rock’n’cole: would you two just GET OFF YOUR PHONES

Kai was interrupted from whatever turn the conversation was going to take next when he finally got another notification.

thegreendragon: ok. you know where i’ll be

Kai blinked, turning towards the doors and pushing through them, walking out onto the school lawn. The main feature was the football stadium, although there were other things as well- large trees, garden patches for the science classes, picnic tables for eating lunch outside, if the weather permitted. And- although the students were too old for recess, now- there was still a small swing set- a simple, rusty thing, with only two swings, but it served its purpose. Sitting on one of them, gently rocking, was Lloyd.

Kai made his way over, sitting down beside him in the other swing.

“So, uh… can we talk? About yesterday?”

Lloyd nodded, and Kai titled his head at him, trying to gauge his thoughts. “Who was that kid?”

Lloyd breathed out slowly. “His name is Brad. He was my best- and only- friend in elementary school, but we were separated when I moved away. Brad’s family just recently moved to Ninjago City, and I… I was hoping to reconnect with him.”

Kai ignored the twinge of jealousy at the words “best friends.” Lloyd was allowed to have other people than him in his life, and things had obviously changed since then, anyway.

“I’m sorry, Lloyd. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, but from what I saw… Brad was being a jerk to you.”

Lloyd shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I… he’s changed since we were kids. The efforts at rekindling our friendship honestly aren’t going so well. That’s… that’s why I was in a bad mood. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You were only trying to do something nice for me.” “Don’t worry about me. But this Brad kid… anyone who treats you like that doesn’t deserve to be your friend.”

“I know, I just…” Lloyd sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I was so eager to make a friend other than you guys…” His eyes widened as he processed his own words. “Not there’s anything wrong with you guys, it’s just- I just wanted to actually earn someone who wasn’t friends with me because of a shared occupation.”

Kai elbowed him. “Hey. This whole ninja thing may be what got us introduced to each other, but we’re not friends with you because you’re one of the ninja. We’re your friends because we love you as a person. As Lloyd, not the green ninja.”

Lloyd sniffed, giving him a soft smile. “Thanks, Kai. I’m glad I have you to protect me.”

“You don’t need protection, but you’re stuck with me as a best friend, so you’re going to get it, anyway.”

Lloyd laughed. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

His phone buzzed, and he quickly checked it.

irondragonfangirl: the party’s all set up, now the only thing missing is lloyd. did you get to talk to him?

MasterofFiyaaaaa: yeah, we’re cool now. on our way

Kai turned back to Lloyd. “C’mon, green machine. Let’s go enjoy your birthday.”

Lloyd blinked at him. “Huh?”

“Your party, remember? The one Nya and the guys have spent the whole week planning? Or is there some other celebration I don’t know about?”

Lloyd shook his head. “No, no, it’s just- I thought I messed it all up.”

“Don’t worry, we got it under control.”

“Really?”

“This is our teammates you’re talking about! Stubborn as mules. They’re not giving up on you that easily.”

“I… thank you. Thank you guys.”

“You can tell them yourself. We’re going to this party, and we’re going to have fun!”

---

Kai had to admit, he was impressed with what the others had been able to pull off in such a short amount of time.

It was nothing huge or extravagant, but it was a nice little party, and Lloyd seemed to like it better like that, anyway.

They were barely through the doors of the warehouse when Jay was launching himself into Lloyd’s arms, pulling him into a tight hug, the others close behind.

“Happy birthday!” they cheered.

Lloyd hugged them back, laughing. “Thanks, guys, I didn’t- I didn’t expect all this!”

“Are you kidding?” Nya put her hands on her hips, grinning. “We’re pulling out all the stops for our baby bro.”

Lloyd’s smile briefly flickered to a scowl. “I’m not a baby.”

“To us, you always will be,” Kai said, slinging an arm around his shoulders and ruffling his hair. Lloyd squirmed away, although he was unable to hide the grin on his face.

“Wow, this place really looks different.” Lloyd gazed around at the warehouse with wide eyes. They had pushed aside training equipment to make room for tables and chairs, and green and gold streamers decorated the walls, adorned by multicolored balloons. Someone had plugged a gaming console into the TV, as well as a DVD player next to a box of DVDs- which must’ve been Jay’s, he was the only person Kai knew, apart from Master Wu, who even had DVDs anymore- because Kai still hadn’t been able to convince Master Wu to buy them Netflix on the warehouse’s TV, getting the TV there in the first place had been hard enough as it was. On the far end was a buffet table, filled with rice, chicken, dumplings, and other Chinese staples from the Bamboo Dragon- as well as a beautiful, heavily frosted cake in the center of it all. It was decorated with rainbow sprinkles, making it completely and uniquely Lloyd.

Lloyd’s eyes were on the cake too, his eyes wide. “Cole! It looks amazing! I never knew you were so good at making cakes!”

Cole shrugged, trying to hide his smile. “I’ve had some experience.”

“Hey! What makes you think Cole made it?” Nya sniffed.

Cole blinked. “I did.”

“Well, I helped.”

Cole snorted. “Don’t know if you could call it that. From my point of view, it seems like I was doing most of the work while you were busy texting your boo.”

Both Nya and Jay turned scarlet.

“I was not,” Nya spluttered. “I was making preparations for Lloyd’s party!” “Yeah, yeah, whatever you have to tell yourself.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions too hastily,” Jay said, turning to walk over to the cake. “The true judge of quality will be how good it tastes.”

Nya stuck an arm in front of him. “Not so fast, mister! Dinner first.”

After laughing, playing games, and eating, they insisted on opening presents. Lloyd was all smiles and gratitude with each one, which ended up sparking a debate between the others about whose gift he liked best.

“He totally loved my gift!” “Nuh-uh! Did you see the way he smiled a little differently on mine?”

“Jay, you literally gave him a book. Why would he be excited about that?”

“Not just any book! A first edition Starfarer collector’s comic from when my parents were kids, and in mint condition, too!”

“Why would you want some dusty old comic when you could have the newest Starfarer video game?” Kai argued. “It took forever for me to find one of these, they were sold out everywhere.”

“Starfarer this, Starfarer that,” Cole sighed. “I don’t understand how he could possibly need any more Starfarer things. The record I engraved for him is way more personable and unique.”

“You guys are thinking about this all wrong! You should’ve gotten him a katana like me, something that he actually needs and uses.”

“Statistically, Lloyd spends more time drawing than any other hobby,” Zane said. “Which means my gift of an art book and new set of pencils is logically the best fit.”

“Clearly you guys all have it wrong in the head-”

“Guys, relax,” Lloyd laughed. “I loved all your gifts equally.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Jay… it means exactly what you think it means.”

“You can’t even pick one gift?”

Lloyd shook his head. “No way. These are all amazing. Thank you, guys. Really.” His gaze met Kai’s for a long beat. “For everything.”

“Of course. But, just to make things clear, you did like mine the most, right? You’re just saying you liked them equally, so that you didn’t make the others feel bad?”

Lloyd smacked his forehead as the others burst into protest again, and Kai shot him a sharp-edged grin. “I can do this all night.”

Eventually, Lloyd got them to stop bickering- the mention of cake got them all quiet pretty quickly- and after divvying it up, they went over to the couch and played the video game Kai had gotten him. He quickly lost track of time, but time didn’t matter. Even if it meant they would be tired for school the next day, seeing Lloyd like this- half sprawled over his teammates, brow scrunched in concentration as he mashed buttons on his controller, hints of frosting on his lips as he tried and failed miserably to bite back his laughter- it was worth it. He looked happier than Kai had seen him in weeks.

For that, he could even contain himself from bragging about how Lloyd obviously liked his gift best.

#ninjago #ninbingo #my fic #rosie writes #ninjago kai #lloyd garmadon #ninjago nya #jay walker #ninjago cole #ninjago zane #HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREEN BEAN #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH #XD guys i got so excited about lloyd's big day #maybe i have a bit of a problem but shhhhhhhh #hope this did him tribute #tlnm #thanks for reading!#reblogs and comments greatly appreciated!

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ninjago-bingo · 3 years ago

Text

final month recap

wow, everyone. we’re here. we’ve made it. we’re reached the end of our bingo time, and i’m absolutely floored by the sheer creative output that i’ve seen over these last four months. everyone, take a moment to give yourself a pat on the back!!! no matter if you made 1 piece or 10, there’s now a work of art out there in the world that wasn’t there before. and truly, that’s super heccing rad no matter how you look at it.

so let’s celebrate! for this recap, we have a total of 20 new pieces, bringing the total amount of ninbingo pieces up to 50. in the span of four months, this little event has created 50 individual works (five of them in the last day!) holy cow ya’ll.

i’m putting out this recap now, but don’t worry, it’s not the end yet! any submissions made to the end of the 30th still count and this post will be updated accordingly :D

fic:

all the things i’ve never done by @sa-you-na-ra. tumblr || prompts: competition and teasing

It’s always a funny thing when the ninja realize new things about each other. Even though living with each other meant they had to see each other all day, there were still small habits or actions that amused the others.

(mod comments: all these little interactions made me smile so much :D looking forward to the rest!)

error 404: answer not found by @m-aster-of-spinjitzu. tumblr || prompt: memories

Akita and Zane talk after the battle in ‘Awakenings’. The conversation… doesn’t go as either of them expect.

(mod comments: the nuances in this fic are fantastic! also Akita is always a win :D)

Five times kai was a good brother by @/master-of-fluff. tumblr || ao3 || prompts: nightmare and brother

I'm writing kai centric stuff again.

(mod comments: kai IS the big bro of the team!!! i support him all the way!!)

How Garmadon became a chauffeur by @master-of-fluff. tumblr || ao3 || prompt: driving

"um...Kai? Don't you think we should go Slower?" Garmadon asked nervously trying not to panick as they raced down the road at what had to be over the speed limit.

(mod comments: who let Kai drive? no but honestly this is canon alskdfj)

little things by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: hugs and crying.

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things." -Kurt Vonnegut

Lloyd’s tired of being left behind. How is he meant to be the green ninja when he always has to work harder, train better, and wait longer to go on missions with his team? He wants nothing more than to be their equal.

At least, that’s what he thought he wanted.

(mod comments: a post-ep-18 resolution scene? SIGN ME UP!)

Neither Snow Nor Rain by @fangirltakesall. tumblr || ffn.net || prompt: post-fight

After their return from the Never Realm and all its troubles, Zane is quiet and Nya is incredibly worried. A call to action to a peculiar sort of battle might be enough to change both of those things.

(mod comments: the concept of these two on their own mission together is just so good! excited to see how their dynamic plays out!!)

Never Put Off Until Tomorrow by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: video games and chores

…what can be done today, yada, yada, yada, we all know the saying. So do the ninja- when Master Wu is drilling it into their heads every minute of every day, it’s kind of hard to forget.

Naturally, it only takes them a week (and the biggest new video game in Ninjago) to do so.

(mod comments: this is so in character that it’s frustrating lol. also Pixal ftw!!)

oh take me back to the start by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: comfort and 3 am

The past should be left in the past. Or, at least, that’s what Jay keeps telling himself. Nadakhan is gone. It’s not logical to still be afraid. But he is, and now everything that he left behind suddenly feels like it’s never going to be the same again.

Cole isn’t so convinced.

(mod comments: Cole is truly the man we all deserve in our lives.)

On Our Own by @redefine-your-identity. tumblr || prompt: home

It’s been a few weeks since Kai and Nya’s parents disappeared without a trace. Needless to say, they’re struggling.

(mod comments: OU C H no poor babies 😭 the relationship dynamic here is great!)

orange and gold by @/m-aster-of-spinjitzu. tumblr || prompt: cooking

...I just need more Cole and Vania content, they seem like they'd be great friends.

Basically it's just 'Cole goes to visit her there, they almost burn down the kitchen, and make way too many puns', lol.

(mod comments: I also always need more Vania content!! the puns in this were breadful!)

permafrost by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: loss of control and promise

It’s not like this is the first time this has happened. It’s not like none of his teammates have ever suffered this kind of guilt and pain. It’s not like Zane himself hasn’t walked through hell before and come out the other side (mostly) in once piece.

Except, this time, it is. It shouldn’t be different, but it is.

(mod comments: super sweet moment between two ninja who deserve more interaction like seriously!!)

Precautionary Tale by @/fangirltakesall. tumblr || ffn.net || prompt: protective

Fighting is different now, and Zane doesn't know why. Yes, he is titanium now, but why should that change anything? It seems to be changing everything, although is all really as it seems?

(mod comments: a great start to a zane-centric fic! interested to see where it goes next :D)

Star-Ninja! by @rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: siblings and competition

What happens when the loveable gremlin the ninja adopted off of the streets introduces them to Starfarer comics?

Chaos ensues, of course.

stuck with you (through bright and blue) by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompt: protective

Kai only wants two things: to protect Lloyd, and to give him the best birthday ever. Unfortunately, Lloyd seems hell-bent on making that as difficult as possible. Kai’s always prided himself on achieving the impossible, but dealing with human emotions is much more complicated than beating up Garmadon’s generals or shooting enemies with fire, as he quickly learns. Movie!verse

(mod comments: happy birthday lloyd!! look at him getting the love he deserves uwu)

Take a walk in the rain. by @/master-of-fluff. tumblr || ao3 || prompt: rain

Cole had always loved the rain, the way it smelled, the way it felt on his skin, and especially the mud! Whenever it rained his Mother would put on his rain coat and boots And they'd both go out and splash around in the puddles and make mud cakes and do all sorts of things.

(mod comments: this fic made me smile a lot :D loved the way it was arranged!)

the hues of an empty sky by @/m-aster-of-spinjitzu. tumblr || prompt: crying

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there’s one thing Jay’s leant over the last few weeks, it’s that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a ‘they tell everyone about the erased timeline’ fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don’t actually tell the other what exactly they’re alluding to the whole time’ fic that I wrote at like one am-

(mod comments: Skybound resolution? SIGN ME THE HECK UP YES)

The Make-Cole-Realize-How-Much-We-Love-Him Competition by @21st-century-ninja. tumblr || ao3 || prompts: bets and competition

Jay and Kai share a horrified look. “He really doesn’t get it,” Jay says.

Kai shakes his head. “We need to show him somehow.”

“Show me what?” Cole asks, exasperated again.

“How much we love you!” Kai exclaims. “Somehow, it’s not getting through your thick skull that we want to sit next to you because you’re you, so I’m gonna have to just prove it to you.”

(mod comments: a silly little movie fic!)

twitter was a mistake by @/21st-century-ninja. tumblr || ao3 || prompts: teasing and birthday

Kai 🔥 @flaminhotninja ☑

so who was gonna tell me that Jay used to be a game show host huh

🌺✨ the Gift of Jay ✨🌺 @zaptrap ☑

Replying to @flaminhotninja

NO WHO SHOWED YOU

(mod comments: twitter was a mistake)

two halves of a broken whole by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: scars and post-fight

The Sons of Garmadon have been defeated. Garmadon is in prison. The city has been saved.

In the aftermath of the battle, Nya is more than ready to take a much-needed break. But the life of a ninja is messy. Recovery is never that simple. Although the wounds may have healed, the scars still remain.

Zane’s scars seem to match up, though. And maybe together, they can begin to heal.

(mod comments: aggressive care is my jam, and this is it!)

wait by @rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: home and memories

Lloyd’s not so great at being patient. It’s not his fault though- maybe he would be better at it if waiting didn’t always end up being so disappointing- if people actually kept their promises. But this time’s going to be different, he knows it. His father will come back for him. And Lloyd’s going to wait.

As long as it takes.

(mod comments: baby. baby boy. baby. protecc him plz.)

#ninbingo #recap #long post #but i don't want to hide anyone's work yk #ninjago #ninjago fic

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i-make-random-song-parodies · 4 years ago

Text

Historically accurate Hamilton

Hamilton faces a lot of criticism because of its historical inaccuracies, but people seem to forget that it isn’t supposed to be completely accurate. It’s historical fiction, and many details were tweaked to make the musical run more smoothly, make more sense, and generally be easier for an audience to follow. To emphasise my point, I rewrote some of Hamilton to show what it might have been like if it was completely historically accurate (or, parts of it. I’m not rewriting an entire musical).

NB: I am by no means a historical expert. The following is meant for comedy purposes only

For songs where multiple people sing, the speaker will be denoted by the following letters: B – Burr, H – Hamilton, L – Lafayette, J – John Laurens, M – Hercules Mulligan, T – Thomas Jefferson,

Use of the squiggles (~~~~~) means some of the song was skipped

I think that’s everything! Enjoy the musical!!!!!

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Aaron Burr – Historically accurate

~~~~~

B: You punched the bursar?

A: Nope

~~~~~

Showtime! Showtime! Yo!

J: I’m John Lauren’s, in the place to be! It’d make sense for you to meet all three Of us together, but unfortunately It’s gonna be a while ‘til you finally meet me!

L: Oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette! And just like Laurens, I have not arrived yet I sing from afar and I say “bonsoir” To these strangers at the bar, they do not know moi

M: Brrrah brraaah! I am Hercules Mulligan Talking to myself, cos I don’t have a single friend Wait, I’m already friends with Alex Ham, And this introduction’s pointless, cos he knows who I am! No more people, we need a solution The two of us alone can’t start a revolution!

Well, if it ain't the prodigy of Princeton college! Aaron Burr! Give us a verse, drop some knowledge!

B: Good luck with that, you’re all on your own, Even Hamilton can’t start a revolution alone

M: Burr, the revolution's imminent. What do you stall for?

H: If you stand for nothing Burr, what’ll you fall for?

M: Who? Who are you?

H: ….. Hamilton? Your friend?

M: Oh. Right. Yea.

*awkward pause, then lights go down*

The Story of Tonight – Historically accurate

M: Raise a glass to the two of us

H: Why are there so few of us?

M: Not much is happening tonight

H: I need another drink tonight

M: They will forget about tonight

The Schuyler Siblings:

Angelica, Eliza, John, Philip, Rensselaer, Cornelia, Catherine, and Peggy The Schuyler siblings Angelica, Peggy, Eliza, John, Philip, Rensselaer, Cornelia, Catherine WORK!

The 25 Duel Commandments

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

It’s the 25 duel commandments It’s the 25 duel commandments

Number 1:

Instead of giving a concise set of rules, To explain to the audience the basics about duels We’re gonna list every single commandment and derail The entire musical with unnecessary detail

Number 2:

Lee’s second wasn’t Aaron Burr it was his friend Major Evan Edwards, who you’re never gonna see again As Burr isn’t here, we miss some foreshadowing And Alexander’s death might not be as heart-shattering

Number 3:

Okay folks, this is taking too long We don’t have time for 25 commandments in one song By the time we finish you’ll have stopped paying attention So let’s just finish this, while there’s still some apprehension

Number 24: Look ‘em in the eye, aim no higher Summon all the courage you require Then count

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Number 25 paces fire!

Cabinet battle #1 – Historically Accurate

W: Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor

T: Life liberty and the pursuit of happiness We fought for these ideals we shouldn’t settle for less But I’m quiet and reserved, and not a fan of fighting So I’m just gonna give you my objections in writing

W: Thank you, Secretary Jefferson Secretary Hamilton, your response

H: Thomas, that was a real nice declaration You speaking up at all is a cause for celebration But obviously, there isn’t that much to discuss Seeing as you didn’t kick up much of a fuss My new financial system is a masterpiece Our debts will be sorted, our independence will increase Tell me if you have any suggestions or notes But I have high hopes that I can rely on your votes

W: Great. Meeting concluded.

Cabinet Battle #2 – Historically Accurate

W: The issue on the table, France is on the verge of war with England And do we provide aid and troops to our French allies Or do we stay out of it, remember My decision on this matter is not subject to congressional approval The only person you have to convince is me Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor, sir

T: I’d really like to help out France But I’m still too shy to make a whole song and dance

W: Thank you Secretary Jefferson. Secretary Hamilton, your response

H: Jefferson’s dumb, let’s not get involved I’m sorry but not every problem can be solved By recklessly running to join the fight We stay out of it. Thank you, and goodnight.

W: Hamilton’s right. Hamilton, draft a statement of neutrality

T: Did you forget Lafayette?

H: Nope

T: Ok then

Burn – Historically Accurate

~~~~~

I’m erasing myself from the narrative Historians have no idea how Eliza reacted So neither will you Sorry, but for historical accuracy this song is through

The world was wide enough – Historically Accurate

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

There are 25 things you need to know There are 25 things you need to know

Number 1:

This duel was a long time coming You’d have known that if we hadn’t skipped most of the foreshadowing

Number 2:

A bunch of secondary characters were there I’d list all their names but you probably don’t care

Number 3:

The election wasn’t the main reason for Our duel. Hamilton, the bastard, son of a whore Tried to undermine me in my gubernatorial race So I told him “if you have something to say, name a time and place”

~~~~~

Number 24:

Look him in the eye aim no higher Summon all the courage you require Then count

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Number 25 paces fire!

He aims his pistol over my shoulder, and fires. I strike him right between the ribs

~~~~~

BONUS SONG:

Who lives, who dies, who tells your story – Historically Accurate Summary

Let me tell you what I wish I’d known When I was young and dreamed of glory You cannot write A good, historically accurate story

Lin Manuel Miranda I’ll give him this His Hamilton musical is a work of art I couldn’t correct it if I tried And I’ve tried

Lin Manuel Miranda He took your country from knowing nothing about Hamilton to knowing at least some stuff about him I’m happy to admit it He deserves all the credit he gets

A historically inaccurate but still incredible story

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

You still here? Well congrats for making it this far!!! I hope you enjoyed, please (please) leave a comment if you enjoyed it, I survive purely on the validation I receive from others, and feel free to send me requests if you want :)

Credit to where I got all my info:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhrVjfVmAow&t=518s

https://www.tampabay.com/life-culture/2020/07/03/politifact-fact-checking-hamilton-the-musical/

https://screenrant.com/hamilton-historical-inaccuracies-wrong-true-story/

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sitp-recs · 4 years ago

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Collapsed in Love by @tackytigerfic

Artwork by @bogglebeans

Harry/Draco (2020, Mature, 3.5k)

This close, it’s easier, with his face in Harry’s curls—smelling of smoke and sky from the night flight across London—and the long smooth stretch of Harry’s solid flank under his hand.

“Do you want to put some music on?” Harry asks, and his voice is slightly blurry with tiredness and the low dirty edge of desire as he shivers into Draco’s touch.

“No, it’s good,” Draco says. “Just… keep talking. I want to be able to hear you.”

He worries about Teddy all the time, especially since he started school, and Teddy, who’s been loved all his life and is confident that he always will be, has no compunction about being a little shit to the people who care about him. And Harry cares about him the most.

Happy Valentines Day! Haters will say I gave this fic the big spot because it was written for my birthday... and they would be right 💁🏻‍♀️ I still cannot grasp the idea of deserving such a precious gem, featuring one of my favorite tropes, written by one of my favorite people, but I got treated anyway and I will forever cherish this fic - which means making a decent rec for once, because I still wasn’t able to put my thoughts into words and write a comment on AO3, shame on me.

Anyhoo forgive me if I’m biased but holy shit, this fic cured my depression. I wanna say you should definitely read Modern Love first, in order to learn these characters, their individual journeys and see how far they’ve come - and sure, the things that happen here will resonate deeper once you do - but if you have no time or energy to invest right now I say fuck it, you still deserve a nice treat on V-day and honestly, proposals don’t get any lovelier than this. I never cared much about this particular trope but after CiL I can say I’m sold and charmed af by the concept!

The first highlight aka the first thing that pulled at my heartstrings in this fic was Harry’s absolute and undeterred devotion towards Teddy, and the way Draco just... sees it and understands it. It’s such a wholesome experience to watch him watching Harry watching Teddy and vice-versa (omg the parallels with By the Grace, Tacky!) and to witness the layers of mutual care and reverence wrapping these characters’ lives together! The second highlight is Harry and Draco’s domestic routine, full of quiet intimacy and fond familiarity, they’re like old lovers coming together after a long, exhausting week. There’s so much trust and understanding dancing between them, both spoken and spoken, and it takes my breath away. Besides, sneaky Tacky knows that a casual conversation about Ron's good looks featuring possessive Harry and a helpless Draco defending himself was bound to put the biggest, stupidest smile on my face 😳

Finally, the proposal! I love how it’s both casual and meaningful and so them - from the setting to the dialogue to the choice of ring (perfection!!), the scene screamed not only Draco and Harry, but this Draco and this Harry (seriously, go read ML first) and it gave this universe and the characters we met and love a perfect closure (let’s not use this word yet, I am not done with the ML verse!). So thank you Tacky for writing a 3k established romance and still giving me a lump in the throat and an ugly crying face on my own birthday, you horror. We were all lucky to get more of the magical little universe you created, now with this gorgeous sequence of slice-of-life vignettes. I’m honored to be the recipient of such a powerful, honest and touching love story, which happens to be the sequel of one of my all-time favorite fics! Like @the-starryknight said, you are SHORT FORM ROYALTY!

There, hopefully this Valentines card to Tacky made up for the lack of a comment 2 months later. Can we also take a minute to discuss the gorgeous and delicate artwork @bogglebeans did to go with the fic? I don’t know how BB guessed that this greyish tone of blue is one of my favorites but this was perfectly crafted to meet my aesthetics and I hate that I had to crop it to fit into the banner format, but you can see the full original here. To anyone else: go read this right now!

Read on AO3

#drarry #drarry fic rec #established relationship #proposals #modern love verse #the wonderful tacky #fave

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ruby-whistler · 4 years ago

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hey, so!! i was in the car for a couple of hours yesterday and all i did was listen to music and make animatics in my head. so here are a few songs i thought i could ramble about that fit certain arcs/characters

pitiful children - be more chill

starring:

c!wilbur as squip

c!tommy as jeremy

l’manberg as the squip’s influence

l’manberg members as “the children”

c!dream as the confused guy in the background

“then i invaded” because that’s what. yes. c!wilbur moment.

basically, he’s convincing tommy that everyone is “incomplete” or “in pain” because of the “obsolete operating system” that is dream’s “rule”. that’s a lot of quotation marks right there. he’s saying how they’re going to “save” them by making them loyal (“let’s complete their chains”) to l’manberg. “let’s teach the pitiful children, who just haven’t a clue, just what to do” - you know, the whole “you’re naive, that’s good” thing because c!wilbur is scarily smart.

he’s trying to make c!tommy think the world will be better - “shiny happy people singing sweetly, gone is human error and fear” (again, criticizing c!dream) - if they make l’manberg and if l’manberg wins. the usual.

“every issue tucked away so neatly, if you feel a sob or tear, just turn that knob and switch that gear” probably my favorite lyric in the musical. this could be c!wilbur hiding the fact that he has Issues because of the stress he’s putting on himself, as well as the fear of being controlled, via trying to gain more power with the elections and pretending that he is fine and definitely not spiraling.

the next “pitiful children” switches into wilbur trying to convince dream to give him the tnt to “save” people. jeremy changes from tommy to dream; dream sees tommy beaten down and exhausted from the rebellion and does what he thinks is necessary.

the instrumental pause are the events of the 16th, and the next chorus and last upbeat verse is dream thinking everything will be “wonderful” again and no one will feel “left out or unsure”, that he can fix what wilbur broke - that he can have his happy family back, and being determined to get it. “when we rule” refers to the final disc confrontation and the vault.

basically, the song could be used for c!dream and c!wilbur’s parallels.

over all it’s a banger song. yes i did have a bmc phase, next.

unaligned - the undertale neutral route fansong

c!ranboo, 100%. it matches him so well.

“The brave and foolish ones

They walk not on the center

The signs are pointing every way

And I don't know which route's better

Some will take the fall

And some will see tomorrow

I could be the light or darkness

Redemption or sorrow

How could I live on with what I've done?

You took me in, showed me love when I had nowhere to run

You offered me your everything and I threw it all away

My indecision keeps me unaligned”

this could be his regrets for technically “betraying” l’manberg by helping c!techno and c!phil even though they gave him a home when he had no place to stay. could also apply to the community house and c!dream, with him not wanting to believe or “live on” with what he’s allegedly done.

his indecision, not wanting to be on any side, is what keeps him “unaligned”, because he doesn’t know “which route’s better”. light or darkness matches up with his aesthetic as well.

bring that fire - war*hall

looping this song for hours on end is the reason why i made this infamous post.

this is a dream smp army (sapnap, dream, george, punz) song, no questions asked. the freaking hype i feel is exactly the rush i got from seeing them kill it. it being l’manbergians - and, hey, look. i never said dream was some weak-minded woobified idiot, alright? i despise l’manberg with my soul, so that is the true evil, but in the l’manberg war, dream’s a brilliant anti-hero. he did kill people, but he was very fun doing it, and he was in the right, and they asked for it, so. anti-hero vibes.

as well as everyone else - i freaking love them, did i say that yet? yes, so these lyrics really match their ruthlessness and how they were determined to win, taking it further and further to assure victory (beloveds) -

“No stopping me

Breaking barriers

I keep on crushing it till I am done

I didn't get here by accident

No I've been gunning it since I was young

Better believe I'll be standing

There ain't no moon that can outturn the sun

I didn't get here by accident

No I've been gunning it since I was young

Second to none

Been gunning it since I was young

I'm standing at the edge now

It's about to go down

I'm gonna take it higher

It's time for me to light it

So they can't deny it

Ay!

Bring that fire!”

“If you take a shot, boy, you better not miss

'Cuz it won't ever happen again

You gonna wake up and not even know what your name is or where you have been

Better be ready to bleed if you think that you have any hope for a win”

“I never go dim

'Cuz I only know how to win”

i miss them. bring them back. i want them to fight more revolutionaries. they only know how to win and they Freaking Did LET’S GOOOOOOOOO

song’s a banger idk where or when it’s from but please listen to it.

pity party - melanie martinez

dream stuck alone in prison feeling his sanity slip away from him piece by piece in isolation, wondering where everyone is and why they aren’t coming :)

“did my invitations disappear? why’d i put my heart on every cursive letter? tell me why the hell no one is here?”

like, you know. people who he still cared about. the thank you notes he made. also, exile arc parallels.

“tell me what to do to make it all feel better”

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

[ Dream went up in flames ]

“maybe it’s a cruel joke on me, whatever”

sam being cruel to him, dream being convinced everyone hates him and he deserves this after all, forcing himself not to care.

“i’ll cry until the candles burn down this place

i’ll cry until my pity party’s in flames”

[ Dream burned to death ]

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

“maybe if I knew all of them well i wouldn't have been trapped inside this hell that holds me”

pandora’s box - maybe if he had more allies, more friends, more people on his side, they’d not let him suffer like this. they’d come help him, get him out.

“i’m laughin', i’m cryin'”

the whole ‘laughing at tommy’s death’ bit as well as the fact that - yeah, he’s not been doing very well mentally in there, has he.

“it feels like i’m dyin'

i’m dyin', i’m dyin'”

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

[ Dream burned to death ]

[ Dream tried to swim in lava ]

[ Dream went up in flames ]

that’s all! i don’t know what this post is. feel free to send in songs, i have a playlist.

#dream smp #ruby’s rambles #implied sh #long post

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haveatoastwiththisgirlalmighty · 4 years ago

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1st Album Review

Firstly, Hi! This is my first album review. I'm very excited to get to do this since music is something I really enjoy and I love to talk about it and analyze lyrics (I do take a look on Genius to see what other people, who may know more about the singer and their lyrics to see what they have to say about the song and lyrics.). With that being said, these are all MY personal opinions. Please do not attack me if you do not feel the same. But I am open to hear your opinions in the comments (please be nice and respectful about it). And please be respectful to others too. Anyway, that's it. Please enjoy!!! <3

“Scaled and Icy” By Twenty One Pilots

Release date: Friday May 21st, 2021

Genre: Like a mix of rock, rap and pop.

Tracks-

Good Day: I think this was a good song to open the album with. It has a very upbeat and catchy tune, along with the lyrics. But with that being said, it is definitely different from their past style. But I will go more in depth with that later. Overall for this song I do quite like it, and it seems like something I would play to make myself happier or even just for fun with friends. I give this song a 7.5/10

Choker: This was their second single that they dropped before the album was released. This song's lyrics seem to give off more vibes from their past albums. Mostly “Vessel”. The lyrics that seem to try and sort of hide the pain but also show it in different ways, “Self-sabotage is a sweet romance. Seems like all I'm worth is what I'm able to withstand. Sooner I can realize that pain is the middleman.” These lyrics hit at pain, but hide it with the very upbeat and catchy tune. I give this song 8/10

Shy Away: The first single released before the album. Again sort of like “choker”, these lyrics seem to have vibes or a similar writing style from their past albums. “Shy Away” seems to be about self acceptance. Don't be afraid to be yourself, don't hide the person you are or who you want to be, “Don't you Shy away”. Through the song, the character or person that they may be singing to has a change. In verse two it says, “When you get home. You barely recognize the pictures, they put in a frame.” Sort of showing that you can't find your true self, or can't even see it. Then in verse three it switches, “When I get home. Boy, you better not be there. You're long gone” Now, I think this can mean two different things. Either that their “true self” is gone and that they cant find it or keep pushing it away because they are too scared to be their true self. Or that their old self is gone. They finally shed their skin (“And leave your skin on the floor”) and found themselves and they are able to be themselves. I think that because I really love the meanings and the message behind the lyrics, I'll give this song a 9/10.

The Outside: Again, the beat is very, very catchy. That's the main vibe I get from the album so far. This seems like the first song that really brings out the sort of rap style in different parts of the songs that we saw a lot in their past albums. Though the beat is catchy and so are the lyrics, I’m not a huge fan of this song in particular, 6/10.

Saturday: Their third, and final single (As of 5/21/21). Okay. . .so the beginning sounds like a song they would use on an “Old Navy” commercial. Buuuutttttttt I will say that this song's lyrics are actually quite cool. The chorus seems to align with an old song of theirs, “Migraine” from their 2013 album “Vessel”. “Slow down on Monday. Not a sound on Wednesday. Might get loud, on Friday. But on Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, we paint the town.” I think that the way they describe the days could correlate with the lyrics from Migraine, “Thank God it's Friday, Cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays, Cause Sunday's are my suicide days.” Either saying how, over the time they have gotten better, their days have changed and no longer feel the way they did. I give this a 8/10, mostly for the lyrics and how it may align with their past song.

Never Take It: This song is calling out to everyone. How people are fighting back, fighting to know the truth about our world. Speaking on how people profit off of lies and separating the world from each other. I think this song has a great underlying message. 9/10

Mulberry Street: Fun Fact- Mulberry is actually a real place in New York. This song is like, when you're feeling out of place. You're different and “Everyone relies on synthetic highs” to sort of deal with that, to deal with not having control over everything. I actually really love this one, the beat and the instruments actually feel like “a synthetic high”, it makes me feel light and airy. I love it, 10/10.

Formidable: This song was written by Tyler and is very close to him since it is about his daughter Rosie. With this being said, I’m not going to diss this song because it is something close to him. Plus I think it's a great song and makes me feel happy and like everyone deserves love. 10/10

Bounce Man: Like a man running from maybe his life or trying to find a new life. They are happy and their friends are begging them to come back home. But his friends are trying to know if he is okay while trying to search for him or giving him reasons to bounce back to them. Like almost all of the songs on the album, I truly just adore the beat of the songs, 7/10.

No Chances: This song gives me so many vibes that take me back to their “Trench” album and era Sort of a dark, twisted beat with lyrics that make you feel like people are after you. 9/10, because I love the way it gives me “Trench” vibes.

Redecorate: This song ends the story. But it actually tells a story of the story in the album. . .does that make sense? Through the album we hear a story of this person who seems to be running in circles trying to find themself, to try and be a better person. In the end they find a way that they can change their life, using the metaphor, “Should I keep it on display? Or redecorate?” 10/10

Recap: Going into this album review, I was scared that I wouldn't like it that much. Since I, and many others, were so used to their old style of music, this was a big change. But with the big change there is a lot of good that comes from it. With this album, Tyler and Josh both seem much happier, like they are in a better head space. And I am so thankful for that, because even though they gave us great music in the past, they really were not in the best head space. I feel like many people have pushed away from “Scaled and Icy” because of the change. But I would much rather Tyler and Josh to give us a different style of music, than to stay how they were. I can't express how proud I am of the both of them, not only for getting help but for fighting through what they did. And for giving us a great album that we can cherish. It is truly amazing.

I love the story that comes with the lyrics, how it shows that even if you're an “outcast” you can still be amazing and push through. You can still become the person you achieve to be. Some songs in the album have a truly great message behind them, and I think that's import. Since many people these days spend forever idolizing their idols or favorite band, they look up to them and it makes a huge part of who they are. So I find it important that artists speak on issues in today's society and pledge for a better life in the world we live in.

My final rating. . .8.5/10.

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godkilller · 4 years ago

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@shirenui144

A more sombre question, but had me wondering... Has Gin ever cried / what would it take to make him cry? I imagine it would be verse dependent, but could a man this guarded ever visibly show such emotional hurt?

out of character. Why must you hurt me.

But it’s an excellent question, and as you say too -- Gin has become such a guarded, numbed, and twisted man. He has, for lack of better wording, killed off that part of himself long ago. He is also one of the topmost guarded characters in Bleach, even Ichigo’s little trick of ‘reading his opponent’s heart’ during battle did not work on Gin. Gin was empty. Gin wasn’t even ‘looking at Ichigo’ with his heart when fighting. They did not reach each other. Gin is so utterly closed off from others and himself that there’s an eerie absence of self present in him, a swallowing abyss, intimidating and oppressive. Gin has also spent his entire existence isolated, he joined Aizen extremely young and thus his centuries-long otherness began. He cannot show emotions akin to Toshiro, who is often used in ways alongside Gin to show what happens if one shows emotions and weakness to Aizen Sousuke via childhood friends. Renji and Rukia, too, are used in ways that contrast Gin and Rangiku subtly in the background. Gin’s interactions with Rukia about Renji, and his interactions with Toshiro about Momo are to make Gin more of an other. He is removed, unlike them.

So Gin does not despair openly like they do. He doesn’t shout or cry for the audience to see. He’s a villainous cold-hearted bastard.

This is on top of the potent sense of cultural toxic masculinity and military way of avoiding / “dealing with” emotionally charged moments, not speaking of trauma, and the whole nine yards of suppression which channels into self-worth issues and a tendency for violence. Most characters in Bleach, and especially male characters, aren’t allowed to really stop and think about what they’re feeling, doing -- Ichigo being able to do a decent amount of that, yes, with his protagonist badge, but even then ? It’s pathetically insufficient, barely a taste of what Ichigo actually should be experiencing, and no other characters are allowed to mourn losses or suffer long-lasting consequences for their actions, for injuries, for mistakes, for harmful words or acts. It’s an action / fighting series, the audience is here for big flashy swordfights and cool abilities, not emotions. Certainly not darker topics of PTSD and the like.

You can slice it any which way, but Gin grew up as a child soldier. It can be contrasted by the fact that the majority of the Gotei 13 / Shinigami characters are shown, in flashbacks, as entering the Academy whilst in adulthood, becoming Shinigami once adults, with the exception of people like Toshiro, Momo, Hiyori, who all look / are perpetually young.

Gin is a little older than Toshiro, for context, by the way -- and he is younger than Byakuya. Because Tite doesn’t know how the ages of his own characters work, it can be argued that Gin and Hiyori are possibly within the same ballpark in terms of ages. But like. Look at her. What the fuck. ANYWAYS, the point is ? Gin’s young, and his trauma is fairly fresh. From the Winter War -- and then 110 years into the past to the Turn Back the Pendulum arc -- Gin spends the majority of his childhood either playing caretaker for Rangiku, who is actually a little older than him, and then killing; first, the three Shinigami that attacked Rangiku, then the Third Seat of the Fifth Division, and then many more likely during his career of observing failed projects at Aizen’s side, witnessing horrific Hollowification experimentations, and many more things. The crucial period of development for things like higher level empathy ( Gin showcases it by sharing his food with Rangiku, a stranger, and then we see the absolute absence of it from then on ) and Gin swiftly enters into the midst of Erikson’s industry vs. inferiority stage of development; what does he have to offer the world ? What can he become ? Will he be good enough ? This is the stage in which Gin makes the connection as well as makes peace with becoming a monster; this is what I’m offering, this is what I’m becoming, this will be good enough.

He flipped a switch. It’s questionable whether or not Gin has the ability to cry once he’s an established Third Seat. It’s gone, it’s been swallowed down a hole so deep and dark Gin doesn’t want to go searching for it. He doesn’t want to cry. Gin already has a negative connotation connected to crying given his quote “I’m gonna become a Shinigami, change things for ya, so that you don’t have to cry anymore, Rangiku.” Not crying = good. Not crying means better. Rangiku crying over what was done to her was what embedded into Gin that he needed to be stronger. No crying allowed. None. In his mind, obviously, Gin doesn’t actually make that connection that ‘because Rangiku did this, I’ll do this’ no, he’s not so meticulously aware yet, but there’s certainly an imprint left on him from those earlier years in the Rukongai, dreading her tears, hating them, hating those men, and so crying = murderous intent. Crying = anger.

If Gin cried as a child, he didn’t realize he was doing so. I can see him crying in his sleep from a dream, a nightmare, a jam-packed series of emotions hitting him whilst vulnerable, whilst unable to smile and swallow it all down. I can see him waking from it and wiping at his face, feeling utter detachment like an ache in his chest, an otherness, like that wasn’t even him crying, that wasn’t him. Gin wouldn’t think more of it, he wouldn’t dare linger on the thoughts. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.mp4 and all that jazz.

Gin is more likely to lash out in anger than let himself cry. I have a headcanon / drabble somewhere of Gin screaming into his inner world, clutching at his hair, feeling so terribly close to crying but he can’t, it literally will not happen. He’s too bottled up and frustrated from that that when he actually has an opportunity to cry and it doesn’t naturally happen because he’s become so suppressed, it just outright angers him. Because he has latched everything up, lock and key, by the time Gin’s an adult -- if he were to cry as an adult, it’d be during a flurry of explosive emotions. He cannot just casually let loose, no, that door’s jammed shut, it’s been coiled tight in him. A pit of despair by the time the Winter War rolls by. Gin admits to feeling anxiety, dread, during that conflict -- a sign of slowly coming undone, no longer able to keep himself from hesitance, doubt, insecurity, and anticipation hovering around him like a dark cloud. Gin cannot cry, though, not now. Not when he’s so close to making all the pain worth something...

So it’s no surprise that Gin really only starts getting the actual opening to properly cry in my canon divergent verses. But the catch !!!! Gin has failed so thoroughly and so brutally that he feels he doesn’t deserve to weep about it. That this is merely a fraction of the karma he deserves. He experiences suicidal ideation, daydreaming of how it’d simply be easier if he hadn’t survived at all. He feels too hollow to cry, then, at the start. He feels too heavy, too much, it’s too much to cry about. He ruined himself and Rangiku for nothing. He did all of this for nothing. And now Rangiku wants answers, still waiting, watching him, and he can’t cry in front of her. IT’S STILL INGRAINED IN HIM FROM CHILDHOOD: she’s the one who cries and he’s the one who comforts. The audacity of him to cry in front of her after everything he put her through, as though he were the victim and her the one needing to comfort him. Gin may be morally gray, but at times he truly sees the world in black and white. No moderation, no give and take.

It’d hit him later, when he’s learning to become more vulnerable. When he’s trying to open up to Rangiku about something he has to rip from himself, his heart holding onto this sorrow for so long Gin has to surgically remove the truth from himself. AS A CHILD, WITNESSING WHAT HAPPENED TO RANGIKU COUNTS AS A TRAUMATIC EVENT. Not talking about it for 110+ years does a number or two on you when you at last, FINALLY, tell her the fucking scoop. Gin repressed what happened to Rangiku because he recognized that Rangiku did not fully and properly remember, recollect, what happened to her. He knew. Gin saw.

Compartmentalizing her trauma on top of his own, as though a keeper of it, a sin-eater, Gin would feel absolute despairing relief at finally telling her. Despairing because he’ll be inflicting upon her something he’s been holding back, holding that door shut, for the entirety of their knowing of one another, and to finally let go of the door and let that beast of trauma go charging at her undeterred ? There’s immense guilt attached to this entire affair. Gin feels childlike guilt; why her, and not me ? I wish it could’ve been me, we could’ve traded places and I’d be fine, I’d live, we could live happy together. Akin to survivor’s guilt, Gin wishes those men had found him and taken a piece of his soul rather than Rangiku’s. The ‘why’ of it haunts him. Why her. Why didn’t I stop them. Why didn’t I show up sooner. I could’ve bitten at them, kicked and hit, we could have escaped together -- or at least you could have. Gin also feels guilt at a base adult level: why am I keeping this from her ? No, it’s too late to tell her, she’s happier now, there will never be a good time to tell her.

There are so many things, feelings, thoughts, that Gin has never shared with Rangiku due to it all being tied to the unspoken secret he’s let fester inside of him.

SO WHEN GIN FINALLY TELLS RANGIKU WHY HE JOINED AIZEN, WHY HE TRIED TO KILL AIZEN, WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS TO HER DURING THAT BLIZZARD AND BECAME A SHINIGAMI ... GIN’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN.

The truth is tied to vulnerability in Gin’s mind. Telling it means ripping himself apart at the seams. Everything he crafted himself out to be was made around this secret. It’s going to be bloody, it’s going to hit him like a fucking train. Gin’s going to feel it coming, rumbling on the tracks, he’ll hear it even, that approaching storm, he’ll know by the prickle at his eyes and the closing of his throat, but still nothing’s ever prepared him for the absolute choked finality of the truth, and he’s going to do his best to hold it back -- it’s instinctive, it’s in his blood by now to mask it, stop it, divert and drawl his way out of it. But this time he can’t just stop halfway and distract her, talk about something else. No, Gin’s cornered himself and it’s high time Rangiku got the truth from him, he can’t run away any more. He’ll have to grit his teeth and talk through it, swallow it back just enough to speak, to tell her what he’s done to them both and for what, for why, it’s the worst possible conversation they could ever have, but one they need. And Gin’s going to find himself incapable of holding back a sob the more he discloses, the more that slips out and escapes him the more the emotions tied to that sunken anchor come up too. He will feel simultaneously lighter and heavier for it.

There are numerous ways Gin’s thought about wording it. He’s thought about the numbed approach, MISSION REPORT style: Aizen Sousuke harvested souls from the 64th Rukongai District, they took a piece from you. Perhaps not, no, not like that. Maybe... back when y’were a kid, there were three Shinigami assigned to the 64th District to collect souls to fuel Aizen Sousuke’s Hogyoku. They took somethin’ from you. I saw it. I saw them hoverin’ over you, I saw it in their hands. I saw’em offer it up to Aizen in the forest, collectin’ firewood. I saw him.

WHY DIDN’T I STOP HIM, WHY DIDN’T I ATTACK THOSE THREE MEN THEN AND THERE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH YOUR COLLAPSED FORM A FEW FEET AWAY, MAYBE I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ON AFTER ALL. I COULD HAVE CRUSHED A SKULL IN WITH STONE, I COULD’VE STOLEN HIS SWORD BEFORE THE LIFE FULLY FADED FROM HIM AND MADE IT VANISH, I COULD’VE CARVED THROUGH THE SECOND, SLICE THE TENDON AT THE THIRD’S ANKLE AS HE ATTEMPTED TO FLEE, WARN OTHERS. SLIT HIS THROAT AS HE CRAWLED AWAY. YOU’D HEAR IT, OFF TO THE SIDE. YOU’D SEE ME COME UP TO YOU WITH BLOOD SPLATTERS. YOU’D SEE ME LEAN OVER YOU WITH NOT A PERSIMMON OFFERED, NO, YOUR OWN FUCKING SOUL THEY PLUCKED FROM YOU. SHAKY HAND. BLOODIED HAND. TAKE IT, TAKE IT BACK. I FIXED IT --

Just tell her. JUST TELL HER.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET, RANGIKU ... ?

#[ headcanon ] fresh snowfall; fading footprints mark his path #[ verse: redemption ] i am healing by mistake; rome is also built on ruins #me: i wanna cover more but also i. oof.

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