#i am so fucking sad about these kids
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⚠️Scars⚠️
Made this just bc I like to suffer
#hey what if i fucking exploded#huh??? what then#ohooghhghhhhmygod#i am so fucking sad about these kids#the fact that theyre even showing their scars is progress. but also. Augh. God. Fuck#i'm gonna cry really really hard#they've been through so much#ygo#the ishtars#ishizu ishtar#rishid ishtar#marik ishtar#cool art#comic
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if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.
Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.
#assholes still do not deserve to be victims of bigotry#people will crow this up and down until they find someone they think is a big enough asshole to really deserve it#watch your cognitive dissonance kids#i really am only speaking to white people here. as a white person.#POC can feel however they feel.#though i still don't think it's an appropriate sentiment to turn into Political Praxis there is of course a need to vent#like idk i don't find any marginalised suffering under fascism funny. i think it's fucking sad.#i think it is sad when right wing gay people experience homophobia and i think it is sad when right wing trans people experience transphobia#and when right wing disabled people experience ableism and when right wing women experience misogyny#leopards eating faces is funny when it's about like. rich people or misogynists or whatever it's.#do you understand that this is punching down?#why are we wasting our energy hoping for the victimisation of specific marginalised people#this would be a great time to do some outreach but instead everyone is just fucking MOCKING THEM#you're so fucking stupid you don't care about The Cause you care about Winning#this shit makes me furious.#have some compassion#the system speaks#USpol#Trump#racism#politics
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are. are you telling me that if the romanced mage warden dies and alistair is king, he deadass stares greagoir down over her dead body and grants the circle of ferelden its autonomy after ordering it rebuilt somewhere safer. first you have to deliberately leave him behind so he won't die for you and then he does that for you once you're gone, even when you're broken up??? absolute and literal king behaviour of the highest order????? the actions speak louder than words of it all??????? I think I hauve covid
#that's the hottest thing I've ever heard I feel nuts#what an absolute chad alistair continues to be tbh there may be a day when men fail but it will not be when he's here#like I'm very sorry to the blond chantry boy repeat crowd but cullen could & would NEVER!!! they are NOT the same!!!!#dragon age#dragon age origins#alistair theirin#alistair x warden#can u imagine what it must be like to be irving standing there watching this happen. you're free and your kid is dead. congrats#tried to free her from the circle and she's the sacrificial lamb that bought the circle's freedom instead. fuck dude#it does make for a very sad kind of symmetry that every time irving tries to get clever with it he triggers a monkey's paw situation fhdskj#I am replaying the game with my new canon (mistress amell + king alistair to save him from the da:i fade choice lol)#and in doing research I found out about this and had my world rocked. I've never had my warden die before so this is new to me#(my warden isn't dying in this canon to be clear she's going to be the reason no one would dare assassinate king alistair lol#nightmare bae eminance gris behind the throne/loving and supportive partner with a fade connection and a vengeful side#she's going to be like sam vimes tiredly fending off assassins as the watch books go on except she murders a lot more people back)#the way his voice breaks in the version where they were broken up tho... sick and twisted and mean to me specifically
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people who are obsessed with passing are gonna be the death of our community i swear
#i understand how and why so many succumb to that temptation and of course i get it ive been there but its POISON#listening to a podcast where a trans guy says getting maamed on the phone bc hes nice means he “failed”#is soooo .... ugh#my dude that happens to so many cis gay men are you kidding me#are you really about to study how to be mean on the phone rather than just correct somebody#or just like not define your existence by fleeting interactions w strangers#if you define yourself only by passing at all times youre gonna turn into a sad hudsons guide esque husk of yourself#fuck passing 2024 i am so over it#it truly is a never ending chase for cis validation and its bad for us!!!!!
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This scene of Till innocently peaceful with such a big smile feels incomplete to me after the events of round 7--But more true to his character rather than a comic with his final thoughts like Sua and Ivan had, it's cruel, brief, like a flashback, and it's bittersweet. Till is probably going to be reserved and ambiguous till the end. He wouldn't be able to bring himself to think about and reflect on his regrets and traumas; that's Till's principle; living in stubborn, childish beliefs, and in those truths, he finds escape into solace, even if it's unlike his reality, it's how he copes enough to make everything bearable for the next day to come. This image feels like a reflection, a memory of when he was happier in life. In Till's final moments, he thought about his and Mizi's childhood, the moment he fell in love with her was when she smiled at him with such radiance, the same moment, he felt like his heart was reborn; it was like he could breathe and smile solely for her. Till thinks back to these moments, these fleeting moments of peace because he can't let them go, he can't let go of the comfort of that familiarity.
--"Oh in a blink Gone. Blink and Gone, relish the present."
This image does bring me back to a lot of lyrics in Round 7. But this one in particular, a line that talks about living in the present before the moment slips between your fingers, in a blink, gone. But Till lives in the past.
Till doesn't think back to round 1 when he killed that alien guitar for Mizi, even though it was fully his decision, even though it was so gratifying seeing "Till win" and Mizi's acknowledgment, do you think he would have done that if he wasn't desperate and just doing what he felt like he had to do to survive? Because he had to stay by Mizi's side in her darkest moment like she was the one beacon of hope and happiness for him?
Till only suffers when he thinks back to round 6. When he's reminded of regret and pain. So, he represses the very memory of it to protect himself, he can't bring himself to even acknowledge it at all until he's forced to, when the aliens were intimidating him with Mizi's missing poster, he fights back out of anger. Just having that weakness, his guilt, and his grief used against him feels like a different kind of collar. Till thinks back to these warm, intangible memories of his childhood because life on stage was never something he could make his own, he didn't want to live for anything Alien Stage offered him, power, fame, etc. Despite his passion for music, Till is gentle and emotional at heart. This throne that is elevated high by bloodied corpses, a life living stagnant and trapped under the suffocating palm of an Alien, at the very top but inexplicably expendable, was never Till's vision of a life worth living. That's why he fought like hell for the life he wanted, for the life that he could've had. It really drives the point home when his final thoughts were centered around those moments when he was the happiest in his life.
It is so hard to feel the beauty, the warmth, in this image when everything around him is inauthentic, and it's off-putting because of the underlying details, especially since because of his gown, this scene might have taken place after one of those experiments or 'classes' it's a very subtle reminder of their reality. But his smile is so real in the moment without the collar, without the pain... he looks so carefree and full of life
And he scrunches his nose when he laughs *gets shot*
#alien stage#alnst#alnst till#alien stage till#i dont think i can talk about it enough...he's so fucking precious to me i fucking hate him (affectionately)#AGH#aghrhhhh#i still want to see a comic of his final thoughts though#this just feels like a vaguer and and more metaphorical way of getting his feelings across in one lense or another#but when i say it feels incomplete. this doesnt feel like all he has to say yet (i hope)#I MISS MY WIFE#cosmic boom of emotions when i see this i dont know how to put it into words#but vivinos has me in a chokehold#he's just a kid. the way he had to go through so many things seeing this face makes me feel happy for him and sad#i really want to kill myself but i miss till so badly#god i am your weakest soldier for till alien stage only#I SMILE AND I CRY HIS FREEDOM THE LACK OF COLLAR HIS HAPPINESS#AUHGHGH#the primal urge to hold him close and burrito him ina. blanket..i love him#till alien stage#till alnst
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i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!
#don't get me wrong there are happy and beautiful times! there is wonder and fulfillment!!#but how do u share in the one if u can't share in the other?#i can't walk into work and say#'yesterday all i could think about was which of you would cry if i died#but today i saw a kid pick a flower and it felt like the most beautiful thing that had ever happened'#i don't even talk to my friends like that! it's all 'haha yeah been having a rough week. u know how it is. hbu?'#i feel like im going crazy but i dont believe that! aren't we all feeling this??? is anyone else feeling this??? is this fucking normal????#am i just emotionally closed off?? is everyone else having these conversations am i the stunted one who doesn't know how to talk about it??#i KNOW im living with mental illness but so are a lot of people! im sad sometimes but im not losing my mind! i know other people feel this!!
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people hating a character because they very clearly misunderstand them is forever going to make me so mad
#like you can dislike characters ofc#nothing wrong with that#theres plenty of character i hate#but like#sometimes theres characters that are there for a REASON and people just. do not seem to understand them?#like misunderstanding a character and hating them without trying to look too deep into them is so sad to me#best examples: jayce.#the way ive seen some people hate jayce in s2 for- what exactly????#like to me it just seemed like people were going “oh no jayce hurt my fav he must be evil” like?#it looks like some people didnt even TRY to see it from jayces perspective??????????????#thats honestly INSANE to me#i love both jayce and viktor and the scene where jayce tries to kill him is INCREDIBLE#i fucking love it#when you see both of their perspectives you understand why theyre doing what theyre doing and its SO GOOD#i cannot imagine hating jayce#another example (that im gonna get stoned to death over): john walker.#sorry not sorry but john walker is one of the BEST characters in the falcon and the winter soldier.#and i am so not kidding#that dude is an ASSHOLE and i fucking love him#people hating him for being a captain america replacement and hating him because bucky and sam hate him is wild to me#guys. guys. do we not try to see it from both perspectives#im not saying you HAVE to like him#but his character is very well done and his WHOLE THING is about him being A captain america- not THE captain america.#his whole character is about how he cannot live up to steve#hes a very contradictory character in some ways and hes really fucking interesting#my favorite shot in the series actually is the scene where john kills that flag smasher- and then we see the shot with him standing there w#with the bloody shield#THAT is such a good shot#the blood on the shield is perfect#dude just killed someone in front of a shit ton of people with the shield. hes holding the shield thats covered in blood.
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Wait, fuck, hold on-
THEY CAN'T FUCKING BRING OUT AN ANTI-HERO ARTEMIS WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF STUDYING FOR FINALS!!
WHAT THE FUCK, DC?!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS?!?
oh i am so excited holy shit. am i the only one getting slade vibes from her?? because im getting massive slade/rose wilson vibes from the single eye cover and im wondering if artemis is a plant, someone unconnected from slade who wouldn't be considered a threat, to go undercover and get close to the titans. this is also like, high-key a chance to make jade and artemis sisters and/or half-sisters in canon which would be neat. i know comics fans aren't huge on changes to the canon based on outside things but making them half sisters doesn't really change jades backstory, nor artemis'.
#i am beating back spitfire fans with a broom#you don't understand what you are asking for. this man canonically has children and is married to someone else#so you are only asking for heartbreak#also Artemis canonically has a kid with someone else#so. again. stop it. if it happens it will be SAD#which#... i mean honestly id be cool with it if it was like... a mutual breakup where they remain friends after#but i kinda want Artemis and Wally to get character development without romance involved so like#im team 'lets not do that pls'#oh holy fuck dc wait don't try to pair up roy and artemis. waid i love you i trust you pls no#this is the pain of being a fan of a female comics character lmao. immediately worried about a shoehorned romance#and don't get me wrong. i fucking LOVE YJs spitfire but this isn't that and it would be so different#and itd be real hard not to be different in a bad way#so#yeah#thats my thoughts#OH GOD FUCK IS ARTEMIS SUPPOSED TO BE FRAN?????? WALLY'S SUPERHERO/SUPERVILLAIN TEAMMATE GF THAT HE LEAVES THE TEAM FOR???#TO GO TO COLLEGE TOGETHER??????#Like. I know that Artemis took Frans place in YJ but is Artemis doing it AGAIN in CANON?? Waid no i LIKE Fran.#Shes magneto but cooler and she just wants to be normal and she was childhood bffs with Wally and she also murdered her family and grew up#with a cult mom. Fran is so central city coded. shes such a girl next door with skeletons in her closet#aughhh#dc#dc comics#kid flash#wally west#artemis crock#tigress#roy harper#speedy
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Okay, but do people not understand that some people love to spend time with the children of the people they care about?? That people can love kids who are not their own?? This whole weird fucking narrative that keeps getting spouted in this fandom about how Eddie is supposedly a bad friend because he "uses Buck as a babysitter" is so fucking obnoxious. First of all, Buck "babysitting" is not actually something we see all that often in canon at all.
But also, spending time with a kid you love while helping out a friend you love is not a fucking burden, and it is kind of infuriating that people treat it that way.
#my best friend is not 'using' me because she needs asks me to watch my nieces#i love those kids with everything i am it is not a fucking burden to spend time with them it is an absolute joy#so i am probably biased#but i would argue that is very much how buck sees spending time with christopher#and also this attitude that parents should do everything completely on their own and never ask for help in general is so damaging#we should care about the people we love and we should be happy to help them#acting like people are selfish for needing support is such a terrible way to view existence#and i know i'm technically talking about fictional characters here but this is how so many people seem to view actual people now too#and it is so very sad to see#anyway#that's my controversial opinion for today i guess#911 discourse
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family business
#friends at the table#sangfielle#friends at the table sangfielle#pickman#ernestina pickman#my art#digital#digital art#fanart#i have three to four other versions of this on my computer but this is the one i prefer#i might do a variation w a red background but for now i am sick to goddamn death of staring at this#thinking about her as a kid (haha kid. like a goat.)/young teen makes me so fucking sad. god#she makes me sad in general but like. especially so thinking about her life pre shape
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I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH
#i dont know why the siblings thing ends up coming up as often as it does (read: i know exactly why) but uuurggh#do you ever. have an inside joke with your sibling that your abusive dad prefers you over them and it's so established it's casual banter#but everyone you've ever tried to be sincere with (your mother; your peers) have consistantly preferred your sibling over you#even your own friends and kids who were closer to your age range than theirs#do you ever have a conversation with your best friend where they tell you that at first they didn't want to be friends with you#because you were ''too Weird''#do you ever get praised by a friend who says she envied you in middle school because you ''never cared about being different''#meanwhile you had no idea you were different and just couldn't fucking fix it#it took me that to understand that people avoided me because i was Weird. i thought the reason i had no friends was bc i was shy#that and the fact that i Didnt Know What Was Socially Acceptable Or Not and other kids were scared of me bc i was ''to blunt''#i have learned to value honesty over nearly everything else but that's only because i wish everyone else did the same.#literally everything i write has a main protagonist with low to no emotional empathy. like. ok#every character i write has that thing where they always felt like they were a monster for not feeling the right things. mh#i wonder how that might reflect on how my whole world came crashing down once i realised emotional empathy is A Real Thing#and not just a lie people made up for virtue signaling#''there's no way people /literally/ feel sad /for/ other people. they just know rationally that it's bad'' deep sigh.#anyway thats why i will never shut up about the fact that empathy is morally neutral and not a prerequisite for being a ''''good person''''#emotions are morally neutral. thats why we say all emotions are valid. thats why thought crimes aren't real#in short: you will pry human!au no empathy janus and autistic remus from my cold dead hands#i have. so many fucking thoughts.#janus is literally JUST like ME for REAL#except for the lying mostly because i !!! taught myself out of that#THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE DONE ON MYSELF. I HAVE CLAWED MY WAY OUT OF THE TRENCHES OF MENTAL ILLNESS ON MY OWN AND I AM PROUD OF THAT#MAYBE it's because i can never open up to anyone ever BUT it's also because im SKILLED and SWAG and SELF-AWARE and THE BEST EVER. and MODEST#rant#the tag rambler strikes again . apologies
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I am absolutely not functional today, but my hair is perfect
#personal#too many fucking emotions#started the day flames on the side of my face angry about a work thing#and then#my coworker mentioned dealing with nausea as a side effect of something today#and I got so jealous (and scared) that she might be pregnant#when I should feel sad that she’s dealing with something that causes nausea#and I think it’s earlier than she was planning to be trying for kids#the idea of trying to do her job and mine scares me#and I am so jealous of everyone with babies right now and I feel like absolute shit about that#might delete later
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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sometimes i think growing up as a girl was a kind of protective shell
#if i had tried to transition in high school i would have been beaten to death in a locker room#and if i'd been a cis boy (as the kind of boy i would have been) it would not have gone well for me either#and i want it to be better now. i want kids to have it so much easier than i had it#and i thought it was! i remember posts from a few years ago about kids considering it normal to have trans classmates#but now APPARENTLY we are fucking backsliding#and i am sad and angry and don't know what to do#except maybe see if the lgbtq+ community center has any volunteer opportunities or anything
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scribbly first date type affair (continuation of my modern au stuff)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#idk when the next modern au thing will be so i'll just post this by itself. hehe#that art was one of qifrey's first drawings. it was of a creepy eye. (it was around the time he got glasses as a kid)#(and was told that he might lose his sight completely one day so he became an emo because he already wanted to be an artist#like beldaruit who ran his foster home where he encouraged kids to draw art to express their feelings.)#and an insidious deviantart group called The Brimhats idk stole it & reposted it. he never got to the bottom of who exactly did it.#but one day. they will fucking suffer.#(he believes their goal was to develop AI art as they said stuff like 'all art should belong to everyone anyway' & 'there shouldnt be rules'#but actually they were probably just regular mean ppl who have moved on to new things in life than stealing kids' art on deviantart.#who knows though.) i want people to retain their disabilities or general tragedies like beldaruit would be in a wheelchair#and coco's mum is in a coma. but its just so funny if qifrey just has regular bad eyesight#and it's so cute that he would say he doesnt think of beldaruit as a dad & is distant with him but now basically runs a foster home too#where he doesnt just encourage like he was encouraged but actively teaches kids from sad backgrounds to become wonderful artists one day#anyway i am so fucking hungry now goodbye#P.S. BELDARUIT IS NOT OLD !!!!!!! i mean if qifrey is late 20s or older in canon like i want... i guess he..but.... NO !!!!!! 😭#*edits in some follow-up drawings*#oru: i couldn't c-c-confess my feelings bc it always seems like he's worried about something..i shouldnt bother him..#qif: *always worried about how to confess his feelings*#ive decided meeting at 7 on da is kind of ridiculous actually. i think they probably meet at like age 10 in canon..not immediately =_=#since beru-sama is like 'he finally found a friend'. whatever... this'll be my last art post for a while probably so see ya <3
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