nitazenes

[nitazenes]

I just have to say one last thing before I go.

I've been on tumblr since 2011. I thought through that time I'd met great people and friends when... I just realized everyone I met through tumblr either ended up being an abuser, falling out of contact. So here's to them

To Shay, who fell out of contact with me.

To (idk their name anymore) who fell out of contact with me.

To Chad, who stole one of my alter's design and appearance for their comic that they never finished nor ever gave me credit for.

To Talia, you always treated me as a backseat to your bestie you kept up front. And then fell out of contact with me.

To Jon who was 21 and dated a 16 year old I introduced to him. I gave him his YouTube success I won't even pretend like I didn't because he skyrocketed in subs as soon as I started working with him.

To Maddie, who I met thru Jon and said I had allistic privilege as someone who was a sex positive asexual.

To the rest of that group for choosing Jon while I was ostracized from the group bc I refused to work with a predator.

To Graham who pretended to be my best friend for 6 years and attacked the shit out of me for calling him out that I knew he was quite literally replacing me with someone else (2ho he called my replacement) and proceeded to harrass me and sexually harrassed me by semi doxxing me to his group, giving them my phone number, and then signing me up for sex services like escorts, subscriptions to sexual things, identity theft by signing me up to these things and then exposed minors to porn bc it was "weird" and is now a teacher.

To Crow, I don't have many hard feelings, but you did fuck me over. I moved in with you for you to be the opposite of who you were online. I spent all the money I had and will rly ever have access to to buy us brand new furniture to the point that when I moved out, I let you keep all of the furniture in exchange for the rent I would owe for the lease bc i was broke. I really thought you were the one. Still regardless of all of that, I accepted your apology and ghosted me when I tried to re-befriend you and introduce you to my alters, many that I had split because of you. So actually, no, fuck you.

To Khavi and the entire group with him. Who dated one of my alters and broke up with him bc he didn't front enough for him, and then launched into me with so much projection thay good riddance.

To Cas who abandoned me when i was being abused. who lied to me for over a year and found out she had assaulted two people. I doubt I need to write much about Cas bc I have a nearly 40 page document of bullshit and sooo many posts on this blog

To Leah who abused the shit out of me, down to the point of being upset at the time I spent on my hobbies and gave me the silent treatment and got mad at an alter for saying no to phone sex and then posted the whole conversation on her tumblr

To Chesh/Devi/Vice/Virtue/bun idfk what you go by anymore for ghosting me for my take on zionism after calling me their best friend and I made them and their partner custom lipglosses-- then proceeded to block me and then bitch indirects. Who has antisemitics on their DNI, but when I express support for Jews I'm ghosted and blocked. Apparently, you're on your own DNI.

The only good thing I got out of tumblr is my best friend and technically my partners sort of. (Met through Twitter, interacted on tumblr) and two or three actually decent people who I'm glad to call my friends.

After spending almost half of my life on this site: fuck you I hope everyone except my moots dies in a fire.

I hope this site crashes and burns to the ground.

Tumblr I bid you goodbye because God damn have you RUINED EVERYTHING FOR ME.

Fuck you, fuck off, go die.

Bye

- Rey

[nitazenes]

I know no one cares. This blog has hardly any followers.

Bluesky @/mxbunni

Insta @/bunnnnni

I'm sick of getting ghosted here so bye tumblr. You've only ever done me dirty. I hope this site burns to the ground.

[nitazenes]

X

Blaine

[nitazenes]

Commission for @milkspooky

[nitazenes]

What is it like to be half blind as an artist/photographer? /genq

Oh. I love questions like these where someone is actively curious about how I experience things being half blind.

Being half blind is interesting. I would have been total blind if the surgery on my right eye failed like it did for my left eye. So my left eye is lazy, tends to drift outward esp if I'm looking in a mirror for some reason.

It effects a lot regarding what you can see/perceive with your "seeing eye" (my right eye sees almost 20/20

My left eye is like 20/275+ <- legal blindness. From a medical standpoint I still have some vision in the left but it's not much. In fact closing my right eye, all I see is mu peripheral and its hazy. Anything in the center of my sight line is absent but I can see movement in my peripheral. Which is not sight in my opinion, it's just the best my left eye can do.

But this actually makes my vision and perception of my right eye worse. It would actually be beneficial if I lost all sense in the left eye.

The main thing it effects in terms of sight is depth perception. Depth perception with both eyes allows you to accurately tell how close or far away something is. (Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear) I'm p sure they still have that on cars lol

With one eye your ability to read depth is altered. I often shoulder check people on accident who are walking on my left bc I tend not to move far enough to the right. When I reach for things sometimes I'll reach and the object I am seeing is not within my reach so I have to reach further than it appears bc there's a severe lack in depth perception. Sometimes things will be closer to me than I think, I run into doorways a lot, or I can reach for something that I'm overcompensating for and attempt to reach too far and will ram my hand into whatever object. I used to have a problem knocking over my drinking glass

As an artist though, part of the basic fundamentals of drawing "correctly" is how to draw in perspective. Which for instance, first point perspective has one vanishing point on a horizon line. The horizon line is eye level where ever you put that line on first point perspective is where you eye sight is. You draw in perspective with vertical and horizontal lines normal. Like a square. Those remain straight but to make this square three dimensional in perspective is that all other lines aside from horizontal or vertical lines are pointed to the vanishing point on the horizon line

Then there's corner perspective and even 3 point perspective which to me is the most fun to draw.

That's the best way I can describe it in words lol usually it requires a visual demonstration

So drawing using these rules allows me to draw perspective accurately.

With photography the lens is literally how an eye works. Depending on if you have a mirrored DSLR or not. But photography is one of my better mediums surprisingly being half blind because a photograph is an image as if both eyes are working when the picture is taken. So I love to take photos at odd angles. The thing that it effects is if I have a single subject. For instance, portraits. I rely on my camera to tell me if I am centered or not and then I move my camera just slightly to the left and that will get a single subject in the center. My struggle is with the rule of thirds. So I actually have a grid on my lens that allows me to line things up properly with rule of thirds bit typically I avoid that rule like the plague. Bc that does require accurate perception to get things lined up.

I notice that with some of my drawings In the past on paper my drawings would be slanted kind of.. tilted in a sense but I learner the magic of digital drawings and being able to flip my canvas horizontally allow me to correct any leaning so to speak

I hope any of this made a lick of sense but thank you for asking : )

[nitazenes]

david... i can't do this today

[nitazenes]

do you think she thinks about s/a'ing her victims still? She makes a lot of posts of characters that have rape trauma and it grosses me out.

From what I understand and like. Im gonna say this is alleged just to protect myself, but I think she does have r*pe fantasies. As I understand it, she would RP CNC but honestly I doubt it was cnc for her and just a r*pe fantasy. Now cnc is like a kink thing so yknow. Part of me understands that part of it. Some people use cnc to cope with trauma bc in that context It's consensual, which means a potential victim can sort of have control in a situation that they might not have had in the past.

But rape fantasies for no reason are... more of a fetish than kink. They're very different.

From what I and others who know her have gathered that... she has never once expressed experiencing trauma. Her "DID" is also evident of being false as there are no littles in their system that they've said and it seems quite honestly she's trying to manipulate her therapist into giving her a complex diagnosis but she doesn't realize that to be diagnosed with DID proper requires a specialist, usually a PhD is required for such specialties and finding trauma therapists/specialists is incredibly hard to do. I had to take the MID 6.0 and found out I had DID when the specialist told me that the results weren't just a dissociative disorder but a specific complex form of DID. Thus my diagnosis is actually CDID. Not that it's a competition, but what CDID is basically Polyfragmentation. We have 100 active members who are alters and we have hundreds more on different layers of our system that are fragments or "NPCs" as I call them bc they usually have one job, one purpose, one thing to fulfill, they're not identities thay could survive on their own basically.

My system is not just one place, as far as I know we have 8 layers 0-7 and every layer is different.

There's so much nuance to this disorder as well that trauma specialists will know if you're lying. Bc they're trained to look for malingering bc malingering can be a sign of a different mental disorder.

This is a long way of saying I don't think she's experienced trauma at all. She claims she has no memories before her parents divorce. Absolutely zip zilch zero memories of child hood which is not even how the amnesia in DID looks like.

I don't think she's experienced trauma. Maybe dad was a little mean or something but not trauma. Certainly not SA bc she flat out SA'd not one but TWO people to the point of bleeding. The only time I ever bled from there aside my menstrual cycle was when I was assaulted. Blood means tearing, or being cut in some way, likely with fingernails. It means she caused physical trauma and then acted blasè bc she's "ace and couldn't have possibly assaulted someone" I think it's fairly clear based on her soc med that she is not ace.

She fetishized being a trans slut in the RP community. Would only write about sui or NSFW.

She always acted like she was the better writer, prettier, whatever the most of the most, the best of the best.

She uses her "husbands" mommy's money for shit, she buys these expensive ass bjds while complaining she has no money and from what I've witnessed?

Nothing has changed.

So do I think she thinks about it? Yeah. And probably gets off on it too. That's why she likes characters with deep sexual trauma tied up. That's her fantasy. For victims to be tied up and helpless "but oh they're enjoying it! It's cnc!!!!" Nah. Not if you know the characters she specifically posts tied up, like their lore? Like Gale from bg3?? She posts that she hates mystra, I think she wants to be mystra. Just a theory.

So yeah absolutely 100%

[nitazenes]

Yknow I was going nutty about how many upvotes this got but look at the views

Over 43 THOUSAND people have seen Cas make an absolute fool of herself

I hope she cries about it tbh

This is the least she deserves tbh as a rapist and abuser smfh she deserves to be made fun of AND be behind bars while they do it.

[nitazenes]

Wouldn't be surprised if Cas is trying to pretend she likes fat people. Have you ever seen Theo ? They look like a fuckin swollen thumb. But she fetishizes femboys.

P.s you're way more attractive than Theo.

First, thank you

I hate to sound conceited but what a colossal L to lose me (and my partners)? Lol I can be a fem boy if I want. She could have had the best of both worlds but she chose to abuse me and lie to me which is why she never saw an inch of my skin outside of selfies.

I wonder if she knows how repulsed I am by her like even when we were "dating" I couldn't pause the thought of "damn this bitch is ugleeeeee"

But she has an equally ugly "husband" so they're made for each other.

I know for a fact that she fetishizes twinks so it's funny she's trying to act like she isn't. You can easily tell what her fetishes are by looking at her dolls lolllol

[nitazenes]

This isn't being reported on the news but birds here are. Falling from the sky bc of the smoke and they're all dying. This is one of the worst fires we ever had and we have a fire weather warning again bc the winds are kicking up again

[nitazenes]

This fundraiser has a 7.5k USD goal to help LA fire victims. Wildfires around LA has ruined many's homes and livelihoods. This fundraiser hopes to raise enough money for

Air mattresses

Clothes (Underwear, socks, shirts etc)

New bedding

Drinking water

This volunteer work also requires enough funds for first responders/volunteers. They will need

Meals

Batteries

Hard hats

Fireproof boots

Energy drinks/Protein bars

No donation is 'too little'. Every bit does and will help! If donating is not an option, try to send a kind word to the volunteers and victims.

[nitazenes]

[nitazenes]

Woke up evil and "Personality Disordered" again who want me

[nitazenes]

What to do in a wild fire emergency.

I, like many of us, have been keeping an eye on the Southern California fires. Fortunately I don't live in an area that is prone to a lot of fires but I'm wondering if I should work out a plan, just in case the worst happens.

If you are at home when you get the order to evacuate there is a lot you can do that you otherwise couldn't. And no, don't try to stop the fire with a garden hose. You'd be better off grabbing what you can and getting out.

Yes, I know, there was that guy who put out hot spots, but he wasn't facing the full brunt of the fire. And as tempting as it might be to leave sprinklers going, it might be more important to shut off the water at the city connection. Every house that burns is an open drain on the available water supply.

Know where your important papers are. Have them in a briefcase so you can grab them. Know where your pet carrier is if you have a pet that needs one. Get that animal loaded up into the car you are taking.

If you have gas, shut it off.

If you have kids, don't get into a panic, and make sure everyone knows what their mission is. Having a plan will go a long way towards everyone getting through an emergency without unnecessary stress.

Children who are watching what has been happening in the LA area can be reassured in part if they have a plan to follow. If your kids are with you they go with you, but here's the thing, if they are at someone else's house and it's more than just a few doors away, they may have to go with them. Have a location to meat up. Have an alternate location or two just in case.

One other thing I've learned. Close your doors and windows before leaving. If anything is open that is a place for embers to enter into the house. More than one opening can result in the fire jetting right through. Especially if we are talking a relatively straight path through the house.

If you are going to play the hero, plan ahead. You can't fight a large fire with a garden hose. You can sacrifice trees with a chainsaw. I saw an article today about a man who lost his fire insurance because he was too attached to his trees. Trees that are up against the house have to go. Best to do it before the fire starts.

If you have a pool, that is a small reservoir that can be utilized. A pump that feeds into a fire suppression system might not be a bad idea. Worst case scenario, turn the thing on before you leave and hope the house can defend itself. Otherwise it could be used to feed a proper fire hose and having proper personal protective equipment is a must. If you don't have everything that's going to be needed, better think about getting to safety.

Knowing your evacuation routs is probably one of the most important things to do, and don't stop if things look bad. Keep going. So long as the road is open it's entirely possible to race through a tight spot and a better alternative than getting out and walking.

[nitazenes]

loewe bunny mini crossbody bag

[nitazenes]

Hi friends,

I have a mutual on Instagram that is raising money for the Pasadena Humane Society that’s suffered from the fires. Please, if you can, donate $1 to $10 or spread the word, it would mean the world to me. This person is so sweet and just wants her hometown to be supported in such a rough time. I also want to see k these animals have good and safe homes. Thank you!

https://www.instagram.com/p/DEyRcYvsuOh/?img_index=2&igsh=MTVoZTdhczV0OHBwaw==

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Furiously Bri (@furiouslybri)

[nitazenes]