#i am saying this from a place of experience. i WAS that person for years and all it did was make me miserable as a person
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abyssalpeach · 1 day ago
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in the case of the people vs. bell's hells...
and also the campaign 3 finale overall. disclaimer: this is gonna get long bc of my propensity to yap so i'm gonna simultaneously try to keep it short but also put it under a "read more." spoilers will be referenced throughout.
i wouldn't call these rent-lowering gunshots, but i desperately need some of the folks in this fandom to get a grip. so instead i'm asking: walk with me. hold my hand. i am looking you in the eyes and want this fandom to be a nice place. please forgive me for any attitude but i am tired of being talked down to.
"they never faced any consequences" consequences are the result bad dice rolls. of which they had plenty. if you think their narrative choices should have resulted in more punishment, say that. but i think you missed the part where they have targets on their back from several factions and now-mortal deities and you need to kill the cop in your head.
"it was too confusing and the pacing was bad" i don't even disagree with this takeaway. i will say this was actually the easiest campaign for me to follow. m9 is so fun, but was very narratively scattered at times. however, i think this is just the nature of ttrpg/actual play. it's not scripted. it's messy and sometimes you'll zone out about it. sometimes what the players want isn't what grabs you personally. it doesn't mean they're wrong or bad to play it that way.
"i fell off c3 and everything i've heard about the finale is stupid" fall off, then. totally fine, i'm not here to stop you, sincerely. and not to hurl cliches, but with tabletop it really is more about the journey than the destination. without context, you are missing too many pieces to pass judgement. that's all i'm gonna say on that.
"the other PCs were just so much better" i gotta say this one seems like a skill issue lol. there's not a single party i haven't loved with my whole heart, but they satisfy different purposes or dynamics! vm was destined for greatness. m9 was destined to pull important strings. bh was destined to shake up the order of things. they were supposed to be controversial in-world. they're salt of the earth, rising far beyond their stations ever expected. they became important at work and it very nearly ruined their lives.
"it was like sitting in a philosophy 101 class" praytell what philosophy classes that you've sat in discussed the ethics of magic, direct divine involvement in human* lives, and potential outcomes that would come along with killing all the gods or releasing something called the god-eater. look. i grew weary with the rehashing of these conversations too, really i did. that said, i think it needed to play out this way in order for the finale to go the way it did.
allow me to explain. one of the defining qualities of bell's hells was how different they all were. whether it's their perspectives, life experiences, backgrounds, desires, aspirations... you get it. this was the point. they were bound together by compassion and love for each other. and this extended to those they stood for personally, and those their friends cared about. it was how they approached ruidus, the gods, the people of vasselheim. and they walked the walk and trusted the process, prepared to face anything. including death.
*obviously including all exandrian/ruidian races beyond just human
"the finale cheapened the ending of vox machina" it didn't. i'm sorry but it very fundamentally did not and if that's your takeaway from a change of circumstance ~30 years down the line, i am worried that you are too lost in the sauce due to favoritism. if your takeaway from vax being allowed to return to the material plane is that now his conclusion from 30 years ago was just him going on a work trip, that is a you problem.
the narrative doesn't treat it like that. the characters don't treat it like that. the cast doesn't treat it like that. let me repeat myself: if you think vax's c1 ending is now nothing more than a glorified work trip, that is a you problem.
life goes on. the state of the world is changing constantly, especially in a world with gods and magic and different planes of existence. matt allowed these players to have direct involvement in the ways it changes. if vax was allowed to return in some capacity as a result of those changes, the cast made that happen. it wasn't even on bell's hells priority list! this was a natural change of circumstance. if that's the kind of thing you find upsetting, maybe unpack that elsewhere.
i'm gonna wrap it up here but i hope you keep this in mind: if you don't like a thing anymore, you can absolutely drop it. you don't need anyone's permission. but what i ask is that if you want to engage in thoughtful conversation and criticism about it, you keep these things in mind.
i don't believe this show or cast to be above criticism. i have plenty of critiques of my own. but the campaign three finale was the opposite of bad. it was the most satisfying conclusion we could have possibly gotten. it was the culmination of the last 3 years with almost everyone who encountered bell's hells and honored the last 10 years of their hard work. i am so so proud of matt and the cast and i think you should be too.
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petersasteria · 2 days ago
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That's That Me Espresso - G-Dragon/Kwon Ji-Yong
Pairing: Senior barista!Ji-Yong x New barista!Reader Summary: Coffee shop AU. Haters to lovers.
A/N: HEAVILY inspired by my life bc i work as a barista and it's my first job and i've been a barista for like a year and 6 months
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You're a fresh graduate with a degree of hospitality and restaurant management. You've always wanted to start your own business, but you wanted to have enough work experience first. Lucky for you, your favorite coffee shop near your apartment is hiring. After you did your chores, you got ready and went to the coffee shop.
Upon opening the door, you were immediately greeted by the warm welcome of the baristas there with an award-winning smile. Of course, you smiled back as you approached a man behind the counter. He smiled, "Hi! What can I get you?"
"Um, hi," You squinted and read his nameplate, "Ji-Yong! I saw that you were hiring and I was wondering if that position has been filled already?"
He looked at you and smirked, "No, it hasn't been filled yet. Though, if it were up to me, you can start today and I'll personally train you. I've been a certified barista trainer for 5 years." He looked very proud of himself. You scrunched your face a little bit before saying, "Anyway, I'd like to leave my resume here." You handed him your resume and he gladly took it from your hand.
He skimmed through everything and nodded a few times with an impressed look on his face. He glanced at you and said, "Cool credentials." He placed your resume on the counter and looked at you, "Listen, I'm like the second senior barista here so I'm basically like a supervisor at this point."
Why was he telling you this?
"Um, okay. Good for you." You said. He chuckled.
"I'm telling you that info because I was going to let you know that you can sit down and I'll tell the manager. It's a bit of a slow day, anyway. I'm sure she can give you an interview today." He smiled.
"Oh, that'd be great! Thank you, Ji-Yong." You gave him a curt smile.
"Maybe next time, you'll call me 'baby' instead." He flirts and winks at you before disappearing in the back office to talk to the manager. You shook your head and sat down on one of the tables near the counter.
After about a minute, you hear footsteps approaching you and you look up to see a different barista holding a tray with a cup of warm latte adorned with a beautiful, simple latte art. "Here's your complimentary latte, miss." He smiles.
"Thanks you..." you trailed off. He didn't have a name tag.
"Oh! Sorry. My name is Daesung."
"Thank you, Daesung! I'm Y/N." You both shook hands and conversed a little bit. You learned that he only started working there the week before and you were quick to learn that he's quite funny. After a quick chat with Daesung, he went back to work after Ji-Yong told him to come back and help make drinks.
The manager walks out of the back office, sees you, and smiles. She walked over to you and said, "Y/N Y/L/N?"
You nod before standing up. You reached out your hand for her to shake, which she did, and said, "You must be the manager."
"Yes, I am. Let's take a seat and talk about your application."
-
Needless to say, the interview was a success. Today's your first day and you were excited and nervous at the same time. It's your first job, after all. You dressed in a simple outfit and when you arrived there, your manager was quick to inform you that Ji-Yong would be your trainer.
Oh, how you found him annoying as hell.
Since he's your trainer, all your breaks are scheduled together. Every chance he'd get, he wanted to be close to you. It started with small things. He would stand next to you and guide your hands to steam the milk correctly, he'd sit next to you on your break time and take a peek on who you're messaging, he'd take a bite of your food before running off laughing. You'd always roll your eyes and just let him be. It was clear that he wanted a reaction from you and you didn't want to give him that satisfaction.
After a pleasant month of working at the cafe, Ji-Yong decided that it was finally time to train you on the ins and outs of working behind the register. You were extremely nervous. When you asked him for advice, all he said was, "Just don't press the wrong thing."
One day, your manager didn't come in for work because her son was sick and didn't have anyone to take care of him due to her husband being away for business. That would mean Ji-Yong had to step in and play the manager role. After all, he was currently on store manager training.
Throughout the day, many people came in and out of your store and at one point, the line reached the door. Daesung was absolutely busting his ass off making drinks as fast as he could, Taeyang was quickly calling out people's names for them to claim their drinks, and Ji-Yong was jotting down advanced orders and placing them down next to the register for you to see while he heats up the pastries customers bought to quickly hand it to them as they wait for their turn to pay.
And you? Well, you were doing your best. You wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, you wanted to have a mental breakdown. But you sucked it all up because you were NOT going to cry today. Especially not now when your trainer, Ji-Yong, is stressed. Of all the days the manager's son could've gotten sick, it had to be on a busy weekend. Ji-Yong was on his wits end.
There were actually two registers, but Ji-Yong decided that since you're under-staffed, that would leave Daesung the only one left to make drinks if he made you and Taeyang transact customers. He had enough compassion and empathy to know that it wouldn't be nice for Daesung to be left like that. That's why he chose you to transact customers as part of your training.
'Taeyang got off easy.' You thought to yourself.
Ji-Yong was quite intimidating and scary. You've never seen him like this before. He was usually fun and relaxed. Not today. He moved so quick. When he joined Daesung to make drinks, he got the ice blended drinks while Daesung worked on the simple hot and iced drinks. In the span of 5 minutes, Ji-Yong was able to make 20 drinks all by himself (tricky promotional drinks included). Daesung was only able to make 10 drinks. A bit irate by that, Ji-Yong sternly said, "Taeyang, you know Daesung's only been here for only a month and he's not that quick yet. You've been here for a year and you know it's a rushed day. Switch."
It was chilling to hear. Taeyang and Daesung immediately switched places, not wanting to be killed by Ji-Yong's intimidating gaze. If they were nervous around him, they can't imagine how scared you are of your trainer. It was at this moment you wanted him beside you because when he left to help make drinks, it felt chilly and you were scared.
After he was done with the ice blended drinks, he wiped his sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, wiped his hands on his apron, took a deep breath, and walked towards you. By now, the line is shorter, but it's still a lot of people.
"How are you?" He quietly asked as he looked for his notepad; preparing to take advanced orders.
"I'm hanging in there." You replied meekly. He snorted before taking advanced orders again. You glanced at him as he plastered a fake smile on his face while conversing with customers to make them less irate. He was quite charming, even though you hated to admit it. You were grateful for him despite the annoying shit he does.
Eventually, peak hours were over and it was now time for a break. Coincidentally, there were no people left. Just then, Ji-Yong did the unthinkable.
"Everyone, gather around." He called out. You, Taeyang, and Daesung left your posts and walked towards him. He was standing by the pastry case, his hand on top of the glass as he leaned over, deep in thought.
"What I'm about to do, shall never reach our manager. I trust you all and I know you guys have trust in me. I wouldn't be here if you didn't." He said quietly. It was almost dramatic like in some Captain America movie where he's going to sacrifice himself or something.
"What're you gonna do?" Taeyang asked, curious about his actions.
He removed his hand on the glass, turned around to face all of you and said, "I've decided to close the store for an hour to get our much needed and long awaited lunch breaks. Because of all your hard work and commitment, I bought all of us lunch and you're free to get your complimentary drink. I'll make a sign that says we'll be closed for an hour. Until then," He trailed off.
He looked at you, "Y/N clear the register. Make sure nothing's on top of the counter, not even your Sharpie. Wipe the pastry case's exterior with glass cleaner and replenish what is needed in the pastry area."
You nodded, "Yes, sir."
"Well? What're you waiting for, Christmas? Go!" He said and you hurriedly did what you were told.
"Daesung, replenish what is needed in the production station, clean them, replenish the milk in the fridge, and for god's sake replenish the beans!" He said and Daesung immediately did that.
"Taeyang, you've always been really quick at lobby duty. You know what to do." Ji-Yong said coolly.
Taeyang nodded, "Yes, sir. Clear the tables, sweep the floor, mop the floor, and throw the trash."
"Good job, now, go." Ji-Yong said as walked to the back office. "I'll make the sign now and once you're all done, remove your aprons and put it in your lockers, wash your hands, and get settled on the table. I will join you shortly."
When all of you were done, you all watched as Ji-Yong taped a sign that said: "BARISTAS ON BREAK. COME BACK AFTER ONE HOUR."
Just as he placed it there, a delivery boy came and Ji-Yong immediately paid the guy as he got the food. Ji-Yong locked the door and made his way towards you with a big smile.
You all decided to share a table because it made no sense to separate. He sat next to you and he distributed all your food.
"Thanks, Ji." Taeyang said as he took a bite.
"Thank you." You and Daesung said at the same time. You all ate in silence when Ji-Yong asked, "Just wondering, how am I doing so far? Y'know, as the manager for today's shift?"
"Ji, you're very skilled." Taeyang started. "You wouldn't be running our shift today if you weren't. You're doing great. I'm actually pretty glad that you're not like our manager. I mean, she's nice and all, but she just stays in the back office the whole day until she decided it's time for her to go home. You stuck with us and ran the shift effectively as you see fit."
"You were quite scary." Daesung admitted. Taeyang chuckled at his confession and Ji-Yong laughed.
"Daesung, I'm only scary when I need to be. I can't be your buddy-buddy barista forever. I'm on manager training now. There are boundaries I have to put if I want our shift to be smooth. However, I'm still your friend and you can still count on me if you make a mistake and want to keep it a secret." Ji-Yong said with a real smile. He turned to look at you, "My wonderful and beautiful trainee... how did I do?"
"You're a natural born leader, that's for sure. I agree with Daesung; you're quite scary, but now I understand why." You said.
"Thanks, guys." Ji-Yong grinned.
After lunch break was over and your table was cleared, Ji-Yong waited for all of you to settle in your stations before removing the signage he put. To his surprise, a long line was waiting. He turned to all of you and said, "Long line again! Be your best selves. Our goal for this part of the shift is to not get a complaint about behavior and attitude. We all just ate, so we have all the energy." He turned to face the customers waiting as he unlocked the door. Immediately, people came in.
Time passed and it was now near closing time. Taeyang was already on his planted position in the lobby area. He was spraying unoccupied tables, wiping them down, and flipping the chairs. Daesung was already cleaning one of the espresso machines and he already shut off one of the blenders in the station behind him. Ji-Yong was removing the empty plates inside the pastry case and removing the signages of food that isn't there anymore. You were transacting the last customer of the day.
"I'd like 5 of your ice blended mocha with 5 additional pumps of salted caramel syrup on each. I'd also like 6 slices of your cheesecake and 5 cookies." Your customer said with a vibe you didn't like. This customer was so full of it. Ji-Yong and Daesung didn't start preparing anything because you didn't endorse anything yet.
"Um, sorry to ask, what size will you be getting for the ice blended mocha?" You asked nicely.
"Ugh, are you stupid? I said large!"
You swallowed the lump on your throat and asked, "As for your food, um, you never clarified what kind of cheesecake and cookies you wanted. For the cheesecake, we have New York cheesecake, blueberry cheesecake, and cookies and cream cheesecake. For the cookies, we have chocolate chip cookies, red velvet cookies, and oatmeal cookies."
"What did I say earlier? I said cheesecake, right? Which means it's plain. It also means that I meant it's the New York cheesecake. As for the cookies, are you really THAT dumb? What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word, 'cookie'?? It's obviously chocolate chip. Can you stop being dumb?!" The customer shouted.
The other customers looked up in shock, even Taeyang stopped mopping the floor. Daesung put a hand on his mouth, not knowing what to say. And Ji-Yong? Well, he's had enough. You were his trainee and you happen to be his work crush. No one treats his trainee and work crush like that. He looked up from what he was doing and coolly walked towards you.
"What's going on?" He asked sternly.
"This cashier girl is stupid! She-"
"I heard you the first time. What I meant to ask was, what's going on and why's your underwear in a twist, huh? You think shouting at people who work in customer service is good? You think so highly of yourself, is that it?" Ji-Yong asked with a raised eyebrow.
"She's my trainee and people I've trained are not stupid. Every barista you see on duty right now, I've trained. They turned out fine. She's just doing her job like I taught her how to. I heard everything. You never said the size you want for your drink, you never said what kind of cheesecake you want, and you never said what cookie you want."
"I'm a regular here! She should know my order by heart!"
"I've been working here for 5 years. I've never seen you before. If I have seen you before, I would know because I would've warned everyone here about your shitty attitude, so don't come here pretending like you own the place because you don't. If the barista says you're not being clear, then you're not being clear. How are we supposed to do anything right, if you can't order properly?" Ji-Yong argued. He wasn't holding back at all.
You looked at him. His veins were popping on his neck and his forehead. Oh, he was MAD.
"How dare you talk to a customer like that?! Where's your manager??"
Ji-Yong smirked, "That would be me."
The customer looked in horror and said, "I'm leaving! I don't want to order anymore!"
"Good! We don't need a customer like you. You're the only customer with many demands that aren't clear. So, yes, do us a favor and go home." Ji-Yong said with a proud look on his face. The customer scoffed and left.
-
As Ji-Yong double checked all the stations, all three of you were outside of the cafe, waiting for him.
"That customer was intense, no?" Taeyang said. Daesung nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I thought the customer would bite your head off, Y/N. I mean, thank god Ji-Yong was there to speak."
"He's always had a smart mouth." Taeyang snickered. "I wouldn't put it past him to do shit like that, especially if he's going to be a manager now."
"He was so quiet in the back office. It was weird. I mean, thank goodness the dishwasher made white noise. Otherwise, I'd go insane." You said. You closed the backroom area and you'd glance at Ji-Yong from time to time. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he typed away on the store's computer.
When Ji-Yong was done checking the stations, he closed the air conditioner and the lights before exiting the store. He looked surprised, "Oh, I thought you guys left me already."
"Ji-Yong, you bought us lunch and became our star barista of the day. Of course we'll wait for you." Daesung said with a smile. He's always so positive and joyful.
Ji-Yong's cheeks flushed in a pink color when Daesung mentioned that he was a 'star barista'. He smiled to himself as he locked the door of the cafe. "If you guys want to leave already, you can go now." He said. He looked at the three of you, "Thanks for trusting me today. I hope I didn't let you down. I'm very open to feedback and if you have some feedback for me, well, don't hesitate to send me a message. It's been a pleasure manning our shift."
You all thanked each other and just like that, Daesung and Taeyang left. He looked at you expectantly and asked, "Aren't you leaving?"
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for standing up for me back there." You said in a small voice, afraid that if you spoke louder, you'd cry. His face softened and pulled you in for a hug.
"Aww, it's no problem." He pulled away and looked at you as your tears start clouding your eyes. "You're not stupid because if you're stupid, then you're trainer's stupid. Lucky for you, I'm your trainer and I'm not stupid." He playfully winked, making you chuckle.
"You did great today at the register. I half expected you to cry. I was ready for you and Taeyang to switch places and I know he can transact customers 10x faster than you." He confessed.
"Well, why didn't you?" You questioned.
He shrugged and gave you a boyish grin, "I believed in you. If you trusted me enough to know that I won't fail you as your trainer, I should also trust you not to fail me as your manager. This is a give and take thing, Y/N. Just like how you trust Daesung to make drinks correctly or how you trust Taeyang to give the customers their orders correctly. So, don't be so hard on yourself especially when you're still getting the hang of it. You'll get there eventually."
You nodded, speechless by his encouraging words. "Thank you, Ji-Yong... for everything. I'm learning a lot from you."
"I'll be absolutely terrified if you don't learn anything from me." He laughed. "I'll walk you home. It's not safe to walk this late. Which way are you going?"
You pointed in the direction you usually walk on and he nodded, "Oh, I use the same route too. Where do you live?"
"I live in the apartment nearby, actually."
"...Is your apartment building beige with a random blotch of blue paint?"
"Yes... how did you know?" You eyed him suspiciously as you both started walking.
"Two reasons. One: it's a weird design and two: I live there too." He laughed. "What a coincidence."
"Wow, it's like I can't escape work." You joked, causing him to laugh really hard.
"Wow, and she jokes!" He laughed, kicking a random pebble. "You really are something, Y/N."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I like you, Y/N."
You stopped in your tracks and he stopped too. Neither of you looked at each other.
"Um, sorry for saying it like that. I just-"
"Well, that's that me espresso." You shrugged and continued walking. He chuckled and jogged a little bit to catch up with you.
"What was that?" He chuckled.
"I just mean that you liked me for me, I assume. So, that's that me espresso." You giggled. "I will admit that it does sound silly, but it makes sense to me."
He smiled, "So, would you like to go on a date with me?"
"Isn't it bad to date your co-workers?" You questioned, both of you entering the apartment building.
"Lucky for you, I won't be your co-worker for long." He trailed off sadly. "No one else knows this yet except our manager, but I've submitted my two-week notice three days ago. I got a job offer to be a manager at a bigger cafe and the pay's better."
"Well, in that case, I'll be sad to see my trainer go, but I'll be happy very happy to see you when we're going on dates." You flirted as you pressed the elevator button.
He stared at you in surprise and exclaimed, "So, is that a yes?!"
You shrugged, "I don't have a trainer that's stupid."
"Wow, using my words against me." He laughed. The elevator doors opened and both of you entered. He watched as you pressed the floor number you're going to and said, "I'll take you out when I'm not working at the cafe anymore."
"That sounds fine to me."
"In the meantime, can I call and text you?"
"Ji-Yong, we live in the same apartment building." You snickered. The elevator dinged. Both of you got off on your floor and walked to your door. "You know exactly where I live. You can just come over."
"Yeah, I know. It's just that I want to start off on a good note... preferably, not when I'm your superior. That's not going to look good, especially on me."
You pulled out your keys, unlocked your door, and hummed. "Okay. We can call and text, but since you want to start off on a good note, maybe we can call and text as friends? Y'know, just until you're settled in your new fancy schmancy bigger and better cafe."
"Sure." He laughed. "It's been a pleasure to walk you home, beautiful. Good night, Y/N." He took your hand and kissed it before dropping it gently.
"That's not very friendly." You smirked.
"I know. I just wanted to give you something to remember me by in hopes that you'll miss me tonight." He winked before walking away. "Good night again, Y/N." He called out.
"Good night, Ji-Yong." You smiled to yourself before entering your apartment.
-
A/N: this took me two days to write holy shit WAHAHAHAHAHA lmk if you want to be in a GD taglist! 🤍
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dragonmasterhiccup · 13 hours ago
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"It is not something I take lightly," he leveled his gaze, a somber tone to his voice. "I didn't want it, but as she explained why, it made sense. I don't intend to use it unless it's for her safety, and she knows that."
Hearing the two fae argue, it reminded him of a very similar argument he had with his father. It took everything in him to stay quiet, as Lyra had a newfound confidence now. He wanted her to know she could do it, that she could stand up for herself.
But when Kiara used her name again, he couldn't hold back any longer.
Getting up, he lifted Lyra's feet and laid her head on the pillow so she could rest comfortably before turning to the ice fae.
"Do you have any idea what you're doing to her?! You're, you're practically forcing her to be something she's not! Something you want, not what she wants."
His gestures became more animated as he spoke, the frustration evident in his voice. "You are completely disregarding everything she's saying!"
Running a hand through his hair, he began to pace. "Have you listened to a word she says? She's happy here. Even if you made it so she could return to this, this Veil...it won't change anything."
Turning to her, he pointed a finger at the ice fae. "You said it yourself, her blood is dirty. What will stop the other fae from saying the same to her face, or behind her back? Do you think she likes being referred to that way? Would you, if you were in her position?"
The memory of being cast aside and cut down by his own village for years was coming back. From the combination of his gestures and the tone of his voice it was obvious he was speaking from experience. "Do you have any idea what that does to a person? Being told you're different, not good enough...to be told you're lesser than everyone else? Even the looks you get speak volumes more than words ever could."
Placing his hands on his hips, he shook his head, his gaze cast down. "The only reason that I am where I am today is because Astrid believed in me. In who I was, not who everyone thought I should be, including my father."
Looking back up at the ice fae, he continued. "Astrid and I believe in Lyra. But she needs you to believe in her, too. To believe that she can choose her own path, that she can be happy and thrive in it."
"If you continue shutting her down, using her name, and controlling her...Do you realize that if you continue to do this, you're going to not only lose her trust, but you'll lose her love as well?"
He knew what Kiara was capable of, he knew what she could do to him, but right now he didn't care. Hiccup refused to stand aside and watch anyone else get treated the way he'd been treated for most of his life.
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“Hiccup!” Lyra ran up to the chief, an excited grin on her face.
“Are you busy? I have something to show you!” She took his hand and pulled him towards Altair and Toothless.
“You know how last month the lightning strike caused the large forest fire?” Stopping in front of the dragons the fae all but buzzing in excitement. If her wings were visible they’d be fluttering.
“I did a thing!” She couldn’t wait to show him.
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gimpwithoutorgans · 1 day ago
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Do vampires always have a habit of taking souvenirs? I know Claudia used to write about her victims' last words. I don't remember if she collected items off of the corpses. Armand certainly does ( the sunglasses). And we see Daniel taking the headphones. What I am asking is, when Daniel does this-is it just a random thing. Or is he subconsciously doing the " I can be your Claudia" for Louis. Or is he attempting to copy his maker ( deadbeat maker afbjkkl and coping through copying).
Ooooo this is a good one. I’ll answer this by focusing on Claudia and Daniel parallels.
Claudia and Daniel are both writer’s at heart (excellent ones). For various reasons, they are the most emotionally aware and reflective of just about everyone. Claudia because she had to survive living with the hurricane that is Loustat and Daniel because a risky lifestyle puts you in risky situations. It’s taken Louis over 100 hundred years to become as reflective and emotionally aware (and even then Claudia’s diaries and Daniel have to push him to a more honest place).
For Claudia, her stealing is because of the unfortunate circumstances of her turning. She’s so sheltered. No friends or even memories of friends. Of course, she has a perverse interest in the last thoughts and words of her victims. I think drinking blood allows her to experience the depth of life, experience, and emotion that has been denied her( I think Jacob said in an interview that drinking blood is like experiencing every emotion that person has ever had). It’s also partly a psychosexual obsession (cutting off an adult woman’s breast). Yes she hates humanity, but she still craves connection.
For Daniel, it’s addiction. Even now sober, he still displays addictive personality traits. If he didn’t, he would’ve never done the second interview. The chase for the story is his new drug (If I remember correctly Armand says this himself). This is a season 3 prediction, but I think his addiction is going to come back in a big way. Taking from his victims feels like it’s just another way of fueling his addiction. He’s a journalist because he finds connection with others thrilling (even if he comes off like an uncaring crotchety old man). It’s his passion. Now a vampire, he has unrestricted access to each humans’ mind and emotions. This is from another post but it’s always stuck with me. Daniel “eater of dreams” Molloy. He’s gorging himself on your story. He mocks Claudia’s murder diary and calls her a serial killer but He should understand! They share a similar hunger!
Also, just in general, stealing from victims is a display of dominance. It makes them feel powerful. And for people that have often felt powerless…what an intoxicating feeling.
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freebooter4ever · 7 days ago
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Sigh. I Hated the guy for his hockey but he's Like That too huh? -_-
also before people start trying to equate sid with what the rat did can i just say that i watched both the 2016 visit and the 2017 visit and sid's behavior was completely different - right up front in 2016, lots of photos, big smiles. Vs 2017 it was very obviously just a formality and sid said nothing. (also also the rat didnt say anything about who he voted for he just parroted the usual southern patriotic line? I dont see why people are jumping to conclusions that he is a diehard conservative from this? I dont think this totally negates the efforts i have seen from the rat in promoting LGBQT rights in a very very red state like florida. Not to defend a guy whose hockey i hate or anything. I just dont think fans should start getting angry at other fans who are willing to overlook this comment, or forget that the rat has said he believes everyone belongs in a hockey locker room during an era in the league where this is not the most popular stance)
(but also blacklisting the rat's name on tumblr works VERY well i should know, lol. Him and the candy cane chicago guy are my two blacklisted names. Its like they dont even exist anymore :P)
(but also i know how hard it hurts to realize that someone you admire from a distance might actually treat you like shit in real life just because of what 'other' group you belong to, so my sympathies to fans going through it right now)
#Blah blah blah i am very lucky because i have a strong feeling#That my favorite at least can see straight through the orange cheetos bullshit#Do i think artemi has as liberal political views as i do?#Probably not. But in the past couple years at least bread seems much more open minded#And not one to fall for the insane fascist nonsense happening in the US right now#Geno? Is a bit more of a question i try not to think about that one. He is very apolitical#He is too well connected to the upper echelons of society and his wife is...well...That#But if you sat geno down alone without any outside influences and asked him#If he believed in equal rights for all humankind i think he would say yes#So i hold onto that lol#Boots penguins liveblog#you know what this reminds me of?#the way fans idolize someone...until the minute they find out something *Bad* about them and then#suddenly it just switches to unadulterated hatred#makes me extremely uncomfortable because like if they hadnt idolized the person in the first place#and instead looked at that person as a human being with flaws#they wouldnt also decide to hate this person - who has not changed btw! just the perception of them has changed - as vehemently as they do#i always think about j*oss wh*edon and how while everyone was hailing him as this feminist god#i was one of the lone voices pointing out that hey some of his older writing material was kinda creepy and sexist in some ways#so i liked his work enjoyed it a lot but also didnt idolize him#and when he had the fall from his godlike pedestal i didnt experience that hatred everyone else felt#it was more like shit yeah i saw that darker side of him from the start in some of the microagressions he would write#but that didnt stop the good parts of his work from being really damn good???#i dunno maybe i am too moderate sometimes or too willing to overlook things
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secondpersonpoetry · 1 month ago
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hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!
frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that. 
i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.
but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.
the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”.  like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends. 
best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?
maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway. 
one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?
or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!
and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something! 
i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!
dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.
all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.
anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..
lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂‍↕️
thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333
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what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here
first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)
no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?
HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.
i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.
OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY
🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives
p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕
#liv in the replies#HI HI HI HELLO!!! IT'S SO NICE TO HEAR FROM U i hope u have a lovely quiet end of the year <3 with lots of time to rest & find ur own joy#& YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SORRY!!!! <33333 ANY MESSAGE IS A GOOD ONE!!! WHEN I TELL YOU I 🥹💕😭☺️🥰🦋💕💗‼️‼️❣️❣️ UPON RECEIVING THIS HEARTS FOR THU#ALSO IMPORTANT😭😭 I DIDN'T MEAN TO GUILT TRIP U I HOPE U DIDN'T TAKE IT THAT WAY i personally just. need to work on reblogging my own stuff#i hate reblogging my own fic announcements even so i was like listen this is for ME because EYE want it here and that's FINE. ok brain???#and also i think i have just accepted the slide that there WILL be hrpf here mostly because i keep tagging it but i always don't want to#plug this blog over on cbpc-hrpf or anything bc do you really need to follow me in multiple places or is that just being greedy you know.#obviously i don't because why else would i be dithering in the tags. anyway tl;dr i consider u beloved & also my friend welcome in the dms#at any time always. i hope everybody knows just yeet yourselves in there i am a Yapper and i love discussing. getting asks is one of my#favorite things :))) & getting messages from people is how u make friends!!! sometimes u tell people u love their work & now u are bffl <3#we all have like. Quintessential Moments that are secretly niche & the joy of going U DON'T KNOW ABOUT IGUANA WRESTLING??? is unmatched#also do you want to publish that poetry like?? hit after hit after hit. three paragraph six feet under. put it on the ao3 second person pov#dylan strome sitting at his fogged up kitchen window looking at the snow outside in washington the same as it was in erie the way it never#was in arizona and thinking about you know. maybe you know now what it was then. and does it matter? and in the end#he sees his girls run through the yard snowballs in their hands when he's done thinking everything through and he puts on his mittens and#walks out the door to his life. into the cold unknown you know. honorary fuckin' mention to what has secretly been percolating in my head#ever since i said the fogged glass window which is the one that knocks ME the fuck out every time but is so strongly a dylan/zach song to m#dream song by shallow alcove. just wanna press my nose up to the glass of your life. EYE cannot mcstrome w/that but it is incredibly vibes#also just. the queer experience of that Intense Friendship that you’re like WOW uh. maybe i need to think some things now. assigned to Them#HELP SOS what is ld19??? you will have to come explain this to me i fear. oh no you have to send me another message 😈 my brain said leon#but also london knights because mitch marner and the draft class of 2015. also had to laugh like i started singing phoebe bridgers waiting#room then immediately went into the argument of defying gravity 'i hope you're happy' (OBCR) because. i think they wish they could be spite#maybe. but maybe they know they only want them to be happy. also with the handshake... me when i. think about updating the goodnight chicag#cam now that stromer's in washington goodnight chicago goodnight indeed. DO WE EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT KITTY?? DEBRINCAT???? ALSO IN ERIE#also me🤝you🤝 caps/oilers game. they're like oh are u sick of the mcstrome teammates broadcast and i say no never thank u with my popcorn.#mcstrome
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rabbithaver · 3 months ago
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listen i will always support the idea that being mean to complete strangers based on their appearance is bad actually.
like yeah the patriarchy sucks and should totally be dismantled! but how the fuck is being an asshole to individual people because of a trait they can't help going to like... do that? you don't know shit about kevin on the street corner. you have no idea if he's a feminist or not. all you know about kevin is that he fits your definition of what a man looks like.
frankly i think there's a lot of "leftists" out there who just want there to be a group it's okay to lash out at because they're scared
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bluesidedown · 1 year ago
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hnggghhggg
#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month.#im also turning 24 in a month#both of these things perturb me in some direction or another.#its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately#also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada#and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference#so that'll be fun#not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year?#actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college#i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person#who can do that sort of thing'#i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here#and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside.#and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild.#didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places.#also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever.#skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant#to my life within a decade.#so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me.#I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help#(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)
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steviescrystals · 9 months ago
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i am experiencing emotions rn and idk what they are :)
#so i got laid off in march and i have not shut up about it since bc it was a horrible experience and i’m still upset about it#and quite literally the only place i wanted to work after that wasn’t hiring at the time but they said to check back in the summer#so i just started picking up extra shifts at my second job bc i’d rather wait on this place than apply to places i have no interest in#then end of april i get a call from this girl i met at my old job saying she got fired#we were super close last year and then our friendship got super weird and tense when she suddenly became my boss#and tbh i’m not at all surprised she got fired bc as much as i like her as a person she was not at all qualified to be running that business#but anyway we’ve been talking more lately than we have in the past couple months#and i was thinking our friendship could maybe go back to normal now that neither of us works there anymore#BUT now i’m feeling super weird like idk if i’m uncomfortable or annoyed or what i’m just feeling put off#bc the place i wanted to work finally started hiring a couple weeks ago and i applied and interviewed last week#and yesterday i got the job which i’m super excited about#and this friend just sent me a screenshot of her rejection letter for the exact same job at the same location#like am i crazy or is it justified to be weirded out by that??#why would you apply for the same exact job as me and not even tell me until after you get rejected#and i know she knows i applied bc i’ve been talking about it nonstop with all my friends#like i’m so confused#it’s not even about the fact that she could’ve potentially gotten chosen over me it’s just weird that she didn’t tell me she was applying#i’ve literally been talking about this job since before they were even hiring like as soon as i got laid off i said i wanted to work here#she didn’t get fired until almost 2 months after that so she wasn’t looking for a job until a couple weeks ago#so i can’t think of any scenario where it would make sense for her to just not mention this to me#idk someone please tell me if this is weird or not bc idk how to respond to her rn#lj.txt
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selfundiagnosed · 2 years ago
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&&the mental gymnastics they do to sleep each night without a guilty conscience so they can convince themselves their disgusting behavior is justified toward you🤥
#weird but creative lies#oddly specific enough to be believable lies#the reality of your actions & lack thereof are SO painful youd rather convince yourself of a lie to make you feel better#i am DYING to know what other lies you tell your loved ones about me haha#but the fact that someone who trusted your word snitched on you and told me your weird idea of smearing my name thru the mud#and with what you lied about its clear it comes from a place of deep insecurity of what you know im telling other people you did to ne#idk the parallels between me talking abt my lived experience with you as a close friend vs what you told your family im saying about THEM?#just own up to your wicked good ability to displace blame and make me look like a crazy person#oh youre telling everyone i put you in danger?!#i need to put you in more danger and make you look like your word is paper thin!#see theyre calling random people theyve never met nazis!! obviously i did nothing wrong not telling you i brought one to your house#you are so sick ive been wrestling for over a year since i found out#for you to take how uncomfortable that made me feel knowing you had a chance to tell me and didnt#and over a year later you still wont see why it hurt#but I understood why you didnt tell me so i trief to ask for spacr to heal our relationship and you snaked around that boundary#and tried to manipulate the people AROUND ME into forgiving you before i was ready#everyone does things to other humans that fuck them up. it does not reflect you. what reflects you as a person is how you handle it#and youre just burying your head in the sand acting like youre above it
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dreamyeyes26 · 4 months ago
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I hate the toxic environment of surgical rotations they are all egotistical stuck ups who brings you down for the most minuscule things, they say it is how it is supposed to be to keep things in order but if that is that then it is not my cup of tea, i understand the need to be professionals and i know if you are too lax in a work environment than people will not listen to you and it would be costly for both patients and the education, but i still don’t agree with the need to be sulky all the time to look serious and criticize everything just bc you have been working there six months more than the next person. I did more than any normal person would who was there to just observe and I still feel like being monitored all the time and i also got warned for the most stupid things in the last month. It is honestly so upsetting and tiring to be on alert all the time just so they don’t talk badly behind your back and it does not create a bad impression, bc then whatever you do you will be wrong and lazy. I think it is also a cultural thing where if you don’t assert superiority then people don’t take their responsibilities seriously and the work is done lousily, which is so wrong bc you should do the job, which is basically saving lives, for your own moral and ethic values in light of knowledge and if you don’t know sth you should be able to ask without hesitation. Ugh, thank god it is over this friday bc i cannot breathe here.
#i really like sone stuff abt whow things are more orderly and how people listen to the job they are given by their superiors#also they are more edıcationally and scientifically effective similar to this way too#i just dont like that it stems from a constant fear#i would hate to work in an environment where i would do things just not to get reprimanded and where there was a risk of that ever minute#i do think the levels are necessary still#but if we lived in a more moral society ppl would respect each other and their pwn work more so that power would not get abused#personal#my thoughts#in my department ppl are too emotional and disorderly too i am like that too which is far from professional and the gossiping is toxic too#i just think there should be a healthy middle that would be accquired if ppl were more mature#it eventually ends up being a social problem of how we are raised as and thought our ways#taught*#i am talking abt my anesthesiology rotation#i am so glad i did not get placed in here two amd a half years ago it was my first choice#it is like no matter what you say or do they have a judgy look on their face that says i am better than you you are wrong you are stupid#f u tbh#they think they are cool and ğowerful which they probably had to be bc they survived the same things i mentioned#and that is how they got so immune to negativity#which is in a way a healthy thing bc you dont get stuck on criticism after some ğoint bc you cant be upset all day every day#but it is not cool it is sad#i would hate to go through this öuch toxicity and become someone like that#which i can see bc i also experience these stuff day to day#i would either be so mentally broken bc i am sensitive to unfair treatment or i would be like them a bigheaded idiot#who thinks breaking ppl and stepping on them is good bc that is how to teach someone and i am actually doing them a favor#i am emotional and sensitive to ppls opinions of me and i am a people pleaser which are things i should work on and get more immune about#but this is not it
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neon-danger · 8 months ago
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Sleep really does help the "everyone hates me, I hate me" feeling. It also kills my motivation to do things, oh well.
I will say changing the language I use about myself and remembering that assuming my friends secretly hate me is kinda mean really helped me recognize my own self worth
So even when my brain is having A Moment I still know it’s not really a reflection of who I am as a person, but a consequence of the mental illness Im still learning to cope with, even on the meds
#I’ve been through years of therapy and basically learned how to therapy myself#I was in an outpatient program for a few weeks but I got out early because the meds kicked in#(I started them a month or two before outpatient)#and by the time the program started I was already a functioning member of society)#but the group leader person basically told us to consider the difference between a ‘me problem’ and a ‘you problem’#like my parents still treat me like a little girl even though I’m an adult man#which isn’t because of something I did or said#they’re just transphobic and I can’t control that#but if it’s a situation where I am in control it’s entirely a me problem#not cleaning my room for six months is on me and I can’t blame any outside sources for that#that definitely at least helped me compartmentslize the best ways to navigate my decision making if#but also even just saying ‘no I don’t’ after you say ‘I hate myself’ it’s a good place to start#anything you say about yourself is something your brain will subconsciously start to believe#it’s definitely a more difficult hurdle to get over#and I fall back into old habits so easily#but trust me when I say that’s the best way to learn your worth#neon answers#I am not a therapist#anything I say is purely from personal experience#take all of this with a grain of salt#I am still just a little man with green hair#I say hehe haha and then I do a little jig#I am not always meant to be taken seriously
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pukicho · 9 days ago
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You've changed, man. I don't know what it is but some time in the past six months your shitposting got a bitter edge to it. Sure you could blame the political climate or world events on it but...I dunno. I used to scroll your blog to momentarily escape the hardships of today but now it feels like even you're not a safe place any more. I wish you luck on your journeys onwards but I'm sorry to say I cannot travel with you any more. Be well, puki, and I hope whatever troubles you passes.
Escapism is important and I try to offer that to a degree, but ultimately, I am a person. I experience hardships, I empathize with the worsening conditions of my world. As long as I care about things external to myself, I will subtlety, or blatantly express them in some way in my blog, which I’ve done for years, not merely 6 months.
Unbeknownst to you, these concerns are often the inspiration for some of my most beloved posts.
You’re free to leave of course, if my 1 serious post out of every 30 fucks your day up that badly, then please, feel free! - I simply don’t see my blog as escapist fluff, it never has been, even if that is often the outcome. My page has always been about my interests, and I just so happen to enjoy making people laugh.
I see it more as a fun place to hang out and express the feelings I feel inclined to express, most of which are fun and goofy, some of which are not. I love our little playful back-and-forths, and I enjoy seeing your insights, even if some of you are fucking stupid as shit. Sometimes I just like using you guys as little guinea pigs, testing my odd expressions out on you, and sitting back and seeing the outcome.
Ultimately, I try to balance balance 3 things on my page:
Comedy, as you know - I like making jokes, I like testing them out on people. Even if they suck, I like writing them regardless. Sometimes I sit back after writing something I know objectively sucks, hit send, and watch as everyone tells me how much it sucks. It brings me joy.
A desire for money - because if not, I wouldn't be able to make posts half as often as I do (ie, shirt sales, promoting my music, etc) - Sometimes that anxiety for money also bleeds into my posts, it has for years; and I hold back from being even more desperate about money than I feel I should be sometimes.
And the point you brought up: The occasional comment on something real that matters to me. - Over the past 3 years, if not longer, I’ve made a few uncharacteristically-serious statements on things like Covid, Gaza, The Presidency, hell, even the indigenous people of Australia... and more.
Why do I feel inclined to discuss these things? Because I want to. My page has always been about what I want. Fortunately for you, what I usually want to do is to make you laugh! But sometimes I wish to express other feelings, because I have a platform that allows my voice to travel further than that of others!
For those angry at all the qualms I don't bring up, try to understand my balancing act, as someone who understands your desire for escapism, and the comfort that it brings you. If the veil falls, remember, we are of like-company - - and maybe, this veil was only ever in your head to begin with.
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echoesofadream · 1 year ago
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when i read htdc i think i was 20 turning 21 and there was a sort of relief and comfort that jk was like 24 i believe but now im turning 23 and im still there…
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ms-demeanor · 7 days ago
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fucking client emailed in requesting a license last night at 10, called today before nine asking for the license and if I could hurry this along because it was urgent; being the person that I am I went to go find some more information and discovered that the customer wants to do an in-place upgrade on a nine-year-old free license to a recent server license which is.
A) not possible with the service pack they have installed B) probably not compatible with the two kinds of software they have talking to the database C) probably not compatible with their actual server, which blew up spectacularly in January.
(all of which is to say nothing about the wide variety of possible ways to purchase and install the license, but probably standard is what they want even if they're technically too big for it)
I talk to my team, most of whom do not have much experience with upgrades/migrations for this software and we all agree that more research into their environment is needed, including possibly calls with their other software vendors and also possibly maybe replacing their twelve year old server.
Call the client at 2pm and let him know that this project is going to be more rigorous than just ordering a license, let them know that this isn't being dropped or ignored, but we need more information and will be in contact when more of the team knows what's going on.
5:14 PM, my coworker messages me "hey, do we have a tenant for this client?"
I message my coworker: "fucking lol, this is about their license, isn't it?"
It is about their license. They have sent in an emergency after hours ticket describing the issue as urgent: they have purchased the license on their own from a consumer vendor unaware of the fact that they need admin access to a tenant to download the software.
I create a tenant for the client and document the information, then provide the tenant ID.
And then since it's urgent, it's an emergency, I begin gathering data and composing an email.
The license won't populate to the tenant for hours at least and probably not for a full day.
They didn't actually tell us what license they've got, but if they plan to use it with one flavor of software they've got they probably need a secondary license they were totally unaware of.
I have found no evidence whatsoever that this license is compatible with their other software.
I hop into an after hours meeting with one of our tier three consultants to get the exact version number of the software and confirm that there is not a straightforward upgrade path between the license they have and the license they want.
I send an email advising that if their developer wants to make an upgrade they MUST back up the database because we have emergency backups, not database backups, let them know in writing "per our conversation this afternoon, this is why we don't think this will work" and thank them cheerfully, letting them know to reach out if they have questions about licensing.
hit send at half past eight.
Combined after hours work on this "emergency" "critical" "urgent" ticket is now probably about half the hardware cost of a better server.
I get that emergencies happen, but buddy if I tell you "hey, I know you are in a rush with this but we have to take our time to do this correctly" and you ignore me and make me stay late to handle your "critical" ticket, you and I both are not going to have a good time.
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makingqueerhistory · 3 months ago
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":')))))))) you realise that gen AI is available to everyone though right??? Queer creators can use it just as much as anyone else??? I just don't understand this post... It really feels like a cheap way to get on the 'AI Bad's bandwagon, and coming from such a thoughtful and insightful creator that's incredibly disappointing... It's okay to not comment on subjects you're not an expert in y'know...?"
Y'all know the drill, I am replying to this publicly but that is not an invitation to send any negative messages to the person I am replying to.
Anyways, let me start by saying that the original context of the post you're replying to is discussing an event where a queer org used generative AI to steal an interview with Keri Hulme. So let's start there. To be clear I don't even know if the original interviewer was queer so let's put the identities of stealer and stolen from to the side. I want to explain the harm done in this example specifically and I hope this is illustrative of what harm generative AI can (and does) do.
The original place I saw generative AI was a queer org that explicitly says they are using generative AI "for good", and as a way to bring more queer history to light. So let's take them at their word, and assume they are not out to cause harm. This is the best example of generative AI that I can imagine, so I hope that makes it clear that I am not coming at this issue from bad faith in any way.
Here is the harm they are causing:
Decontextualizing and rephrasing an interview: I am not going to pretend that I am an expert in academic best practices, but I do believe one thing, if a person is speaking on their own identity and lived experience, it is always much better to directly quote than it is to rephrase. As I read this source, I initially didn't know that it was AI, and I was already upset. An interview that is widely available on the internet with no pay wall, was poorly sourced and made more vague than it was in the initial text. By creating one degree of seperation between the original words of A WRITER (whose literal job was largely based in choosing the right words to describe experiences they had) harm is already done. It makes vague what was once clear, and removes Keri Hulme's voice from her own narrative.
The original interviewer is not paid, or given proper recognition: I get it, sometimes just copy pasting an interview doesn't feel transformative enough, but something that one would learn if they worked in the queer history field and weren't a literal robot rehashing what has already been said, is that not everything needs to be transformed. In those cases, we give credit to the person who said the original words (in this case Keri Hulme), and the interviewer who facillitated the conversation (in this case Shelley Bridgeman). This case (again a best case scenario), takes the attention and byline away from the original interviewer and gives it to an AI.
The original publisher of this story is deinsentivised from paying interviewers in the future: The original publisher of this interview has ads on their website. As a person who also has ads on their website, taking an article like this and rephrasing it for no good reason (the orginal word count was not prohibitive and the rephrasing did not make it more readable), takes money from the publisher. It's pennies, but it's also removing numbers could have been used to justify further interviews with asexual people and archiving of asexual stories. The org that stole from this publication does not interview people themselves so the money and numbers that could have gone to continue to preserve asexual stories goes to stealing them instead.
These are just the active harms that I saw in this specific case. As you said, I am not an expert in generative AI, and will not be speaking as if I am. But I will say that asking me not to speak out on active harm that is being caused in queer history spaces, is disrespectful to my many years in this field.
To illustrate this even clearer: if you were a patron, you would know I recently took down an old article. I have been rereading and editing our backlist of articles, and I found one that no longer fit my standards of sourcing. My standards had recently raised due to a video made by HBomberguy about someone in the queer history space who was stealing from other creators. I watched this video not as a work project, but because I watch most of HBomberguys videos, and this one made me think more critically about sourcing. An AI can't do that. All an AI has is what has been inputted, and it is right now impossible to input every available peice of information about ethics into an AI and get a coherent ethical basis on which it will function.
It is a distinctly human trait to absorb information and change in that way. AI can rephrase information that already exists, steal it, recontextualize it even, but it cannot create something altogether new.
Do I believe that there one day might be an ethical use for Generative AI? Maybe. Do I believe that coming into a queer history space, stealing the words of a Maori asexual author, rephrasing them, and giving the original interviewer and publication no form of compensation for their work, is accomplishing that? No.
On a more personal note: I am coming at this issue with a bias. As a queer history creator, I do not want AI in my space, because it is literally damaging to my financial prospects. It has been like pulling teeth to try and get patrons in the current state of the global economy. I don't blame anyone from that, but I feel very disrespected that I am being asked to compete with a machine now. Not only that, but I am being asked to shut up and be fine with it? No, absolutely not. I cannot and will not stay quiet as space that I have fought tooth and nail to create in mainstream discussions is taken and given to AI.
AI was not supporting me when I was sent gore to try and scare me off of discussing queer history. A person did that. AI was not there to tell me I had written too many sad stories, and I needed some happy endings to remind myself of the good in the world. A person did that. AI was not there when I was being harrassed for supporting and including asexual stories on my website. A person did that.
And after all that, I am being asked to lie down and take it when my ability to pay the people who supported me in those ways, is being threatened. Nope. Not going to happen.
An AI doesn't have to make rent. An AI doesn't understand what it feels like to have to stop holding their wife's hand in public. An AI didn't get calls from people needing comfort in reaction to the election. Pay me for my work, and get this AI nonsense out of my face.
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