#i am ruined i am hollow
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gojo has one printed photo of geto, just one.
not two, because where’s the incentive to take care of them both? if the other is tarnished, he has a backup. there’s nothing that could make him cherish two or three, and love them equally.
no, he has one.
sure, he could have more. it wouldn’t be the same.
just. one.
sometimes it’s framed, sitting pretty on his desk or bedside table. sometimes it’s tucked carefully into his wallet.
sometimes, arguably most of the time, it’s in his hands.
it’s an ugly photo of him, really. he wasn’t ready for it and didn’t even know there was a camera pointed at him. candid — his head thrown back in a genuine hearty laugh, teeth and all.
gojo had managed to bug (beg) shoko enough to let him rifle through her old flip phone since he, of course, hadn’t bothered to take any photos of his own other than the odd selfie or two. he eventually scrolled far enough in shoko’s gallery that he found it, the date reading back to their earliest days at Jujutsu Tech. he almost hated himself for smiling with the photo.
he never gave shoko her phone back and she hadn’t asked for it. he had that photo printed, but only once.
he had to prove to himself that he could keep one good thing in his life.
#i am allergic to happiness at this point#i am ruined i am hollow#i hate them so much i love them#my wellbeing is at stake gege#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#geto#gojo#satosugu#stsg#the idea of gojo never being able to truly get over geto and actively seeking him out in every mundane aspect of his life#and shoko actively avoiding ever being reminded of it all until she has too#makes me violently upset#shoko ieiri#ieri shoko
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i’m absolutely losing it from how nausicaä dragged celadon for his identity crisis by calling him celadon cornelius fleur viridian lysterne wayland herondale ?? oh jonathan christopher “jace” wayland morgenstern herondale lightwood, you will always be famous
#if jace and clary get married i am absolutely adding a “fairchild” to his last name collection#my fellow tmi fans PLEASE read the hollow star saga it’s right up your alley#this moment in awars had me screeching i will never recover#a dark and hollow star#adahs#a wild and ruined song#hollow star saga#tmi#tsc#the mortal instruments#the shadowhunter chronicles#my post
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i walk the pantheon of hell.
#uwu art#Hollow Knight#The Knight#Ghost#Little Ghost#Godmaster#Godmaster DLC#blood tw#// ask#AFTER A YEAR OF RESPITE I return to beat the shit out of gods in the pantheon of hallownest & fuck am i CLOSE to finish#anyway i'm a very AGGRESSIVE defense#so bug soul & infection juice just SPRAYS everywhere & the vivid image of the ruined knight covered in blood just makes me insane#that's ME#i keep getting whipped but oh well i work hard play hard yeah work hard play har
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only realized after posting that last drawing that I never showed off my mortal/revived radi design, and then realized that i’ve never actually drawn it in full detail
#bee draws#the radiance#hk radiance#hk#hollow knight#it just bugs me that she has no arms#how else am i supposed to give you ominous hand positions??#so i went off seer markoth and thistlewind and threw her together#plus Ominous Void Scars#i want radiance to come back as a small wet dog#i want her to feel even more direct consequences by trying to live in a world she ruined#i want there to be better stronger villains around her and i want her to be MISERABLE#radiance redemption?? no. radiance villain decay
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Hi, Anonymouse here, identity jumpscare. This is precisely not the fandom interest you hold right now but my fucking god I cannot help my own fixations. I realized I could make fanart so here have a doodle of Deeply whelved
Have a lovely day please and thank you for the brainrot
HI MOUSE SDJKABJVDBSA THE WAY I NEVER REPLIED TO THIS. I saw this in my inbox and i went OH MY GOD THATS SO COOL WHY DON'T I REMEMBER THIS ASDJKBHJVDHABSK
thank you so much!!! I may not have been/be in Hollow knight at the exact moment, but I will always still appreciate anything made for me. The lads are so cute here!!!! I love tiny brooding Hollow curled around Hallow 🥺🥺 the little claw on Hollow's arm.... they're so fucking adorable I'm having cuteness aggression
(the fic this is for)
#depths' ask#SCREAM#losing my mind i cannot believe i never replied to this i am so sorry this is so cute#DEEPLY WHELVED FANART WOOOOOO#they really are so cute... the juxtaposition of hollows ruined and beat up form with hallows tiny prstine little self#my children......#art for me#hollow knight#i completely stopped checking my inbox when i lost interest in qsmp and then forgot all the stuff still in there AHHHHH#MY BAD#i will see about posting whats left in my inbox for my other account soon#even if i have nothing to say; just so everything breaches containment aka my inbox#WAUGH I HOPE U ARE OKAY WITH ME POSTING THIS BC IDENTITY JUMPSCARE#let me know if not ill pull it down and post it privately#for ✨ ME ✨#hk
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frantically refreshing the rick and morty tag to see if i'm the only one who hated that before i post something stupid
#rick and morty#like.... have we not had enough “morty tries to be moral but ACTUALLY he ruined everything” episodes...#i am not trying to be a hater i just loved this show so much and for the past few years it's been disappointing#i just want characters with depth instead of hollow tropes! it doesn't even have to be serialized cuz this show doesn't excel there anyway!#maybe i should just log off and come back after the season has aired or something
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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.
#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS#youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao#i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol#to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting#she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3#anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel#THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now#telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this#so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly#turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that#also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to#so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings#gender into conversations that it does not belong in#'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks#she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine#ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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the only saving grace of the new episode was the old man yaoi i am sorry but i have never been this disappointed by a bsd episode in my time as a fan like genuinely wtf am i supposed to feel about this?
#THIS EPISODE RUINED EVERYTHING THIS ARC AND ESPECIALLY THE PAST FEW CHAPTERS HAD SET UP#IF SOMEONE TOLD ME A YEAR AGO THAT MY FAVE ARC WOULD BE FUKUCHI'S I WOULD LAUGH AND THEN PUNCH THEM#genuinely ANGEY AT HOW FYODOR WENT OUT??? THE BIG BAD JUST WENT POOF??? AND SIGMA IS DEAD AND DAZAI DOESN'T EVEN CARE AFTER ALL HIS DANCING#I WAS TELLING MY BROTHER THAT FEDYA'S GOT SOME POSSESSION SHI GOING ON OR SOMETHING BECAUSE HE CAN'T END LIKE THIS#THIS IS HOLLOW AND MEANINGLESS#maybe im still reeling from jjk#but i am genuinely so done with everything#draco.txt#bsd spoilers#bungou stray dogs#ANYWAY I'M TEAM FEDYA RESURRECTION 2023
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if one day you want to watch a well-written show with me please make me shut up
cuz i am cursed with the ability to predict plot-twist
#i am looking at scarlet hollow ep4#also enfer aquatique#and sacrement sepulcral#lpm#or hejter#or danganronpa as a whole#and tbh just make me shut the fuck up while watching or playing anything bc i can ruin your experience with my predictions
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i made a tokyo ghoul playlist!
(in the year 2023 thats right lol)
you can find it HERE
#tokyo ghoul#touken#kaneki ken#ken kaneki#its kind of all over the place#some songs are v tiktok-y but i have no SHAME#wont let tiktok ruin songs for me 😼#i made it after i was done rereading tg and found myself feeling... hollow...? i guess?#with no new tg contents and all#and with the fandom being as active as a rock#and this is what my brain came up with to cope#the first 206 songs are sorted chronologically with :re chapters#206 songs bcs thats the number of bones in a human body... get it hehe#if you need to listen to something while rereading tg#try to guess which song is for which chapter and for whom while youre at it too#(is anyone even still here)#(why am i still here)
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venting real quick
#tw alcohol#sooooooo I feel nothing lmao#i'm hollow and emotionless and empty#spent all day just wasting and waiting for time to pass#my heart is tired. my soul has been drained.#going to bed and calling it a night to escape this wretched state is an option#but i'm not sleepy in the slightest and i don't want to go lay down#and it's still pretty early#so if i go to bed i'll just be wasting even more time and feeling miserable#and if i fall asleep i'll wake up groggy and sickly and miserable#so me - being a very rational human fully in control of herself - ams seriously considering just getting a bit tipsy to pass time#maybe watch some dumb show to forget about my misery for like an hour or so#i know i shouldn't cause health or whatever#plus i have a meeting at 10am tomorrow and i've been having trouble getting up in the morning#PLUS tomorrow i'm finally gonna meet up with the student's office to discuss my special needs status#and what options I have to not have this school year completely ruin me#oh yeah right this september i applied for and got accepted to have special needs status for mental health reasons!!!!#(my university especializes in psychology and they - on paper - can grant the status to students with chronic mental health#that suffers from a chronic mental illness that's considered very severe that is frequently debilitating)#that significantly affects their academic experience)#both of which are my case. it's not very common tho so I'm fortunate they accepted me for the status!!)#anyway the council was supposed to inform my raging bitch of an advisor that i have the status#so we could write down a schedule that would better fit my needs#thing is she seems to have no idea#and I haven't brought it up yet#because 1.) i don't know how to#and 2.) i'm constantly scared she'll think i'm like. leaning on my status too much or throwing a “pity party” or something#which - objetively speaking - is a bit of a silly thought because my uni has given me the status because (cont.)#they felt it was fair and reasonable and that I have the right to have an uni experience that better fits my needs#BUT THAT'S THE THING LIKE there's this looming feeling in the back of my head that gives me massive imposter syndrome
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For the record, book 3 Marak doesn't exist in my head. If I got to him in book 1, he'd never be allowed near a human child under the age of 12, so none of this would've happened. Who let this man help raise not one, but two human girls from infancy? No sir. Absolutely not. You don't know shit about human child psychology.
#the hollow kingdom#marak sixfinger#goblin king#clare b dunkle#blorbo posting#self ship#seriously tho this man psychologically ruined two out of the three kids he raised#sir please#with all due respect you're an idiot#miranda girl you deserved betted#so did til#*looks at the mess of generational trauma in his wake* that's a lot of damage#seylin is left holding the flex tape trying to piece this shit back together#rant post#not while i’m around#not on my watch#i am bonking book 3 marak repeatedly on his old stupid head with a steel bat
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// tag post. wip.
// Sorry everyone lmao
#─ era. ANCIENT ✧ ⎨ time was a dying thing in our hands ⎬#─ era. REVENANT ✧ ⎨ grief was eating all that i'd let it ⎬#─ era. CLASSICAL ✧ ⎨ carved anew by the details of my devotion ⎬#─ era. UNASCERTAINED ✧ ⎨ for i do not know where else i belong ⎬#─ ic. CRACK ✧ ⎨ in the meantime can i just say how opposed i am to all of this ⎬#─ ic. ANSWERED ✧ ⎨ i'll burn alone and i'll pierce you like a spear of light ⎬#─ ooc. HEADCANONS ✧ ⎨ let rain wash us in our ruins. wash the corpses. wash our history ⎬#─ ooc. LITERATURE ✧ ⎨ and the sea sang with a murmur of light ⎬#─ ooc. ILLUSTRATIONS ✧ ⎨ displayed on the hollow walls of my heart ⎬#─ ooc. MUN ✧ ⎨ there is a morning in which i erase and am erased ⎬#─ oath. OUROWNDEMISE | ganrau ✧ ⎨ yet how deeply my body is stained by yours ⎬#─ oath. DUTIFULSILENCE | raulink ✧ ⎨ you brighten this darkened ruin with the flames of your burning heart ⎬#─ oath. ABYSMALWITCH | ravrau ✧ ⎨ speak of the endless ache in your bones ⎬#─ oath. REDEMPTI & TOPAZ-ADORNED | ganbahru ✧ ⎨ though we are endlessly bound by love ⎬#─ prayers. RAURU ✧ ⎨ where can the heart be hidden in the ground and be at peace forever ⎬#─ prayers. MINERU ✧ ⎨ like a ship that carried me when the waters raged ⎬#─ prayers. GANONDORF ✧ ⎨ and then there was nothing resembling a heart ⎬#─ prayers. SONIA ✧ ⎨ loving you is a long river running ⎬#─ prayers. GODDESS ✧ ⎨ i used up this body longing for one who does not come ⎬#─ prayers. ZELDA ✧ ⎨ abyss. ruin. and the soft untold ways of water ⎬#─ prayers. LINK ✧ ⎨ child of the clouds and of hope ⎬#─ prayers. BUSSABA ✧ ⎨ whatever the sun will always sing. that is you ⎬
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i joke a lot but i keep having the thought that im going to die alone and its lwk infecting my brain. the urgency has taken hold the yearning is not funny anymore
#its not a joke anymore! hahhahahah#bc i am not a person who gets close to ppl or one who lets ppl get close to me bc i spiral too deeply one time and decide through some#terrible (but likely correct!) delusion tht im a curse and am ruining their lives by existing in any context near them#andthats for unpackint later#but also bc ppl dont know me bc i am a bad person i talk and talk and no one knows who i am i talk enough to stay knowing ppl but not known!#which is bad bc it's manipulative and soam i but its also bad bc ppl like the funny shit they like the talking and they htink thts what i am#which is not true but theres nothing under it theres nothing to me but empty words i am fucking hollow#amd at the same time its better to be helpful than honest bc both isnt an option bc if someone knows whats wrong with me they dont tell me#anything anymore so im useless vc i wasnt built to talk abt myself i was built to listen and#i dont want to talk anymore i just want t shut the fuxk up and be alone but thats selfish and i cant be selfish#and i dont need anyone ! <- girl who desperately wishes she had someone#bc i dont have any friends and i try and im reliable abd im always there and ill always pick up the phone and i remember eveyrthing i can ad#its not enough ever im always the last one and 'ik i dont deserve a good life but something better than this would be nice' ! etcetc#no one stays and i always leave amd both are my fault and at the end of the fucking day i am all want under all the words i am just want
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