#i am really heartbroken for zayn

[tarnished-butsogrand]

Now that it's been two weeks, I think enough time has passed for me to say what's been on my mind about the whole situation.

Zayn Malik has absolutely no right to act like he's "devastated" or "heartbroken" over the loss of Liam Payne. They were not good friends, and it was mostly because of Zayn's behaviour.

He has no right to act like he lost a brother when for years they hardly spoke. Now he feels sorry? I don't buy it, sounds like he's just saying that to look better in the media. He doesn't actually care.

Same way he didn't care when Liam was alive and the same way he doesn't care about the remaining 3 that are still alive.

I roll my eyes whenever that post comes back on my timeline of a source close to him saying "they aren't leaving him alone at this time." "He's in bits over this loss"

First of all, two weeks isn't enough time. I think I speak for many of us here when I say we are still devastated by his death.

Second, you are absolutely entitled to your own opinion and I am sure you have your own blog to do that, right? :) Why do your feelings need to be validated by a stranger for them to be true?

Third, I disagree with you. I think most of us were very young when we first heard about One Direction, and most of the people who are discovering them now are very, very young. Maybe that's why we tend to infantilize them, like they're not capable of complex thoughts, emotions or actions. Everything needs to be hunky dory, garden of roses all the time, when in reality, it is hardly ever like that with any kind of relationship! I have friends who have drifted apart, does that mean I will not mourn their loss? Especially in such a cruel, heartbreaking way?

These guys who spent formative years of their lives together, lived through the realization of their dreams with each other- I cannot begin to imagine what they must have felt for each other. Zayn probably thought they had enough time to resolve whatever it was going on between them and now he won't be able to ever. I have recently stopped talking to a friend, no anger there just a lot of stuff we need to talk about. If I hear of their loss before I could make up with them, it would break me.

I can't help but think selfishly there was so many more conversations to have in our lives. I lost a brother when you left us and can't explain what I'd give just to give you a hug one last time and say goodbye to you properly and tell you that I loved and respected you dearly. Yeah. Sounds like someone who doesn't care.

I don't understand this fandom's habit of always making Zayn into a villain. He needed to leave, so he did. They have all said some stuff about each other since the band, which wasn't ideal. Some haven't said anything at all. But to think that means he doesn't care- it's not something I can agree with. And to say this about Zayn and Liam who have always been so close. Nah. Nope.

If you think all of this was pretence, then please call up the Oscars because this has been the performance of a lifetime.

Also, when I read that post about him being in bits over this loss, I was heartbroken because it's not unbelievable at all. :')

[blogofageminimoon]

rest in peace, liam payne.

the passing of liam payne has been truly a tragedy. after having some time to process this devastating loss, i can honestly say that i am in absolute shock regarding the series of events which have occurred.

one direction has played a significant role throughout my childhood and adolescence. my initial reaction was pure disbelief but my emotions didn't start to kick in until several days later. i started listening to one direction when i was around 11 or 12 years old, just when their career started in their up all night days. i was a huge harry & zayn girl back then but harry has always been my favourite. ever since the boys transitioned into their solo careers, i would say harry has been the one who i've always closely followed since the band broke up. regardless, having such a crucial and essential member of one direction simply disappear breaks my heart. all the boys had their own role and character in the band and one direction wouldn't have been the band it was without every single member. liam was such a joy and brought so much positivity. he was always "daddy direction." now listening to one direction's music, it hasn't felt the same since many of the lyrics had second meanings in relation to liam's passing. it also hurts listening to his voice knowing that he is no longer with us anymore.

obviously, there has been a lot of negativity online towards liam throughout the weeks prior to his death. it's just so shocking how much the internet and hurtful words can have an impact on someone. i think everyone knows deep in their subconscious that online bullying has always been a thing and people need to be kind on social media. however, now that all of this drama has surfaced, i think myself and many others are shocked at how cruel the world can be. especially since liam is so young and well known. i think the news just slapped everyone in the face and gave us a reality check that online bullying is still a real and relevant thing. we need to take it seriously because too many lives have been lost.

moreover, one direction was such a significant part of myself and so many others' upbringings that it feels like a huge generational loss. one direction was a big part of growing up and thought us life lessons. we've always had this strong sense of community. it's beautiful seeing everyone come together and support one another while mourning liam's loss. however it is sad that this unexpected reunion was related to something dreadful. i truly hope everyone can be more mindful during this horrible time and just be a little bit nicer to others. i send my condolences to liam's friends, family and obviously harry, zayn, louis and niall. i really hope they don't take the negativity towards them too closely to heart because it's been ridiculous seeing all the insensitive comments on their social media platforms. i wish all the directioners love and support as well.

as for you liam, thank you for all the memories and happiness that you brought me. my inner child is heartbroken but you and your spirit will continue to live on through your passion and your music. i will cherish everything that you and one direction has brought me. i know you were suffering and i'm sorry the world has been so cruel to you but just know you're in a better and peaceful place now. rest in peace.

[waxtrailsonmyshoulders]

I honestly have the MOTHER of all rants regarding the recent 1D "reunion" at an honest-to-god Funeral.

So yeah.

It took me a while to process everything and this rant has been slowly building up in me as I prepared for my end-semester exams and design jury(s). But now that the semester is over, I have gotten the time to sit down and frame out my thoughts.

So, obviously I was absolutely devastated by the news of Liam's passing. Like. Actually-felt-like-getting-stabbed-in-the-heart devastated. Took-me-a-solid-week-to-process-that-he-is-gone devastated. Maybe-I-still-haven't-really-realised devastated. You get the gist.

But.

Part of me is also fucking furious. The tiny 13-year-old part of me that remembers getting to know about One Direction and falling hopelessly in love with their music, and then being heartbroken twice in a row when Zayn left and they disbanded, that part of me is honestly howling in rage.

Because they were supposed to be a team. Because all my experience in teams and professional relationships so far, almost a decade since I became a Directioner, has made me realise that whatever problems they had with their godawful management could maybe have been separated from their relationships with each other. And ik I'm really bad at expressing what I mean, but all I'm saying is that it shouldn't have taken the fucking funeral of one of their ex-members (since they are all so fucking eager to maintain that they used to be a band in the past) for them to interact in public.

Like.

Let's be honest. The four of them DID get famous through 1D. Yeah they all had successful solo careers later, sure. But the band WAS their starting point. And I'm completely aware that if you go through something traumatic (as I'm sure must have happened due to Modest being the perfect company that it was), then you wish to reduce your affiliation with anything that reminds you of it.

But.

The 10-year-anniversary. Not even an acknowledgement. The absolute least you could have done is do something for the fans. We had nothing to do with the way the management behaved. All we were guilty of was loving the band and the music that they gave us. And I don't know how to explain this and I might sound borderline fanatic but it's been more than a decade and they are still in my playlist. I can still sing their songs by heart. For a lot of us, One Direction shaped our teenage music memories. And it would've meant the world if they could've acknowledged it once.

It especially pains me to say this as someone who really really loves Harry because lord knows the man runs from any mention of the band like he's seen a ghost.

I know this all sounds very entitled but I do acknowledge that am being extremely selfish rn. And it's just.. so difficult to look back at their videos and then realise how utterly destroyed their bonds get in the future. And I'm sure it must be doubly painful for them but I just keep coming back to this one thought in my head.

That it shouldn't have taken a funeral. That too of the one member who was so goddamn enthusiastic about seeing them all together. And somehow it feels like the worst sort of poetic justice that he got to see them all at his own funeral.

Anyway. This is it for now. I hope that I will soon gain the strength and maturity to realise that my feelings and opinions do not matter in this situation, that it involves the lives of people who I barely know anything about, and that things happen in this life due to reasons beyond our control. But for now, I really needed to get this off my chest.

Rest in peace, Liam. Please know that you were, and still are, loved. And so are your bandmates. Your present and future actions do not, in any way, erase the tremendously positive impact you had on the lives of so many people across the world, and it won't be easy to forget any of you.

[cowboylikedean]

zayn postponing his first tour because he's too heartbroken to work and I understand and I am really deeply feeling the loss

[mephisto-reporting]

congratulations on all the notes for jealousy, jealousy! it was so interesting and fun to read, you deserve it!

I actually don't really read long fics like that, especially if it's not someone I bias, but I was so curious so I had to check it out, and I'm so glad I did!

I really like how added Zayne to that fic, it was refreshing to see the platonic dynamic! but I guess like everyone else, there was a small part of me there was going to be angst and Sylus would be heartbroken 😅 not a formal request, just kind of curious if you would ever write something like that? some authors don't like writing angst and I get it!

anywho, I loved it! it was a great read after work, have a wonderful day!

Hiiii

Thank you so much 🙈🙈 I never expected it to take off like it did. I always thought people would just not read it because it was slow and long.

Just curious.. who is your bias? ;)

A lot of people in the comments wanted reader to end up with Zayne (and I don't blame them. It was almost about to happen). But I wanted to stay faithful to the request hehe.

Someday I would like to write angst from the men's perspective because currently whatever I write is from the reader's perspective. But I still don't know if I am doing a good job at getting their character and personality right.

When I do get some self validation on that, I'd want to delve into angst from their perspective. And I am someone who LOVES Angst (With and without comfort).

[thenighttrain]

I honestly think Simon really wanted to push Liam originally but Harry and Niall had more charisma and presence, Zayn had better vocals and Louis was the behind the scenes person writing songs and managing things (tho he also had more charisma in interviews). Liam kinda ended up more in the background as the "basic" one.

You can even see the shift from the first album being so Liam focused to the second one. Niall and Louis didn't even get to really sing till Take Me Home.

It was Nicole who saw the potential in Niall and Harry, because she saw the charm and presence they could bring. Liam was there to do the actual singing, once the others could also sing the part Liam wasn't as center focus because he lacked the elements the other boys had.

Honestly if Zayn didn't have such bad anxiety he could probably be as successful as Harry. But I think he's happier chilling with his family and releasing music whenever he wants without promoting it or anything, he's already rich so I don't think he needs the money anyway.

Niall had a great album with Heartbreak Weather but he stopped promo once covid hit and it was sad because the songs on that album are great. What I love the most is that while all the boys in 1D were just learning how to sing Niall immediately started picking up other music skills like the guitar, it was Niall that later started teaching Harry how to play. That's I think part of what makes Niall so great he's always trying to get better and learning from other people, and he never releases anything unless he thinks is good enough.

Louis is so talented behind the scenes. He wrote most if not all of 1Ds greatest hits, he honestly had the strongest behind the scenes presence. He isn't as comfortable singing or performing but he's such a chill lad, his concerts are like hanging out with a friend that happens to know how to sing and is on a stage. He's also such a gem in telling fans to pirate his stuff if they can't afford it and lowering ticket prices to the minimum lol. Precious boyo.

And there's Liam who has struggled a lot with wanting to be the Justin Timberlake of one direction but never got there. He was in theory the perfect one to succeed with the singing and dancing... and yet. He also has a lot of personal struggles that bleed into his professional life but that's not our business. I think specially early on he felt like he was owed the success, but he just didn't have that It thing.

Harry always had the star quality, that boy was eating the stage up since he was sixteen. He was made for the stage. They can say whatever they want but all 1D fans knew Harry was going to have the best solo career. He just has the full star package.

-

God I've been in this fandom too long. I talk about stuff like this with my friends all the time, we kinda ended up agreeing that Liam had the basic voice of 1D and all the other boys added the flavour to it. Now that they all have solo careers the other boys developed their unique flavours but Liam just feels basic and generic. I feel cruel saying it but it's how i see it.

omg i strongly agree - we know liam was simon’s favourite. but i think nicole, being a woman, was able to see who would be more popular with teenage girls (aka their target demographic).

zayn is soo talented but yeah, i don’t think he enjoys the spotlight which is fair. i am still SO heartbroken about heartbreak weather, it’s an amazing album and deserves more :( but that’s a good observation about niall- he’s always pushed himself to learn and do better. and i loove louis, he’s so grounded and down to earth, he may not have the best voice but like you said, he does a lot of behind the scenes stuff. i honestly think liam needs a break to get himself together bc he’s been a mess for years now :// and yeah we all knew harry would do the best. liam does have the most basic voice haha and there’s nothing that sets him apart which is a shame, and one of the main reasons why he hasn’t done well

[scftblush]

one direction shaped me into who i am and i know how corny that sounds but it's just the truth. my first experience in fandom was one direction. i still have the physical ticket from when i saw them live when 5sos opened for them. i have all their cds and a few albums on vinyl that i got for christmas years ago still on my bookshelf. i still have old magazines and posters that once covered my wall in my childhood room because i couldn't bring myself to throw them away. i just... i don't know how to wrap my head around death. i can't really fully make sense of it and idk if that's just my nd brain or what but it's just hard to know how to feel rn. but especially because i know liam was not a good person. part of me feels sad about him passing because he was such a huge part of my formative years, like 15 year old me is still in here somewhere and she's heartbroken because it wasn't even a possibility in her mind that they'd be gone. but the me i am now is just sad for my childhood/teen years and for liam's family and niall and louis and zayn and harry. idk man.... idk.

[jxyvrs]

UNCOVERED LIES | Sims 4 Series | Prologue

Music Playing...

Dear Diary,

Forget that...I'm Micah Torres and this is my life. I bet you're wondering what's going on in this picture huh. Well, I would explain but we're going to have to take it all the way back. Rewind!

Rewinds

Before Zayne

You see I was just a normal teen, doing what normal teens do. I had lots of friends, I was the captain of the cheerleading team, and I was very popular.

The girl next to me is my older sister Aki, she's a nerd but really chill. She's the captain of the robotics club, though she's way smarter than I am.

This is my older brother Snow, he's probably my favorite brother. I don't know why maybe cause he's the more layback sibling in the family and he doesn't brag as much like my other brother Jay.

He graduated after Jay though along with his twin Ice, he used to live with Mom and Dad, but he moved across the hall at our old apartment complex.

Speaking of my older brother Jay, I often envy him sometimes cause of how perfect his little family is. Him and his husband got a surrogate and had three kids, two little boys who are my nephews Erik & Cairo & my niece Evelin. I think this was my problem in the first place, I envy my older brother so much that I wanted to be just like him. Have his life, his family, I wanted everything he got. Look where that got me now... But enough about my family, you'll meet the rest of them further on in this story. Let's just introduce the trouble that walked into my life,

Meet Zayne, the love of my life. The butter to my toast, the milk to my cereal. Okay enough with the cheesy lines, I met Zayne back when he was a senior and I was a freshman.

He was a rebel so he always got into trouble, I don't think my dad wouldn't be so fond about that lol. But when we met, he was genuine and treated me like royalty. I was special to him, as what I thought. I thought I finally found my soulmate when I'm with Zayne, he completed me. I got into so much trouble for him, I remember dad grounding me for sneaking out the house to go meetup with Zayne, then coming back in way past curfew. He was so mad! Sadly, Zayne graduated and went away to college. I was heartbroken, I thought I would never see him again. I was so depressed when Zayne left, that I started rebelling. I straighten my curls, and changed my style, I started skipping school and sneaking out more often. I don't remember how many times my dad threatened to send me to military school, I know it made him disappointed in my actions. But I couldn't help it, I missed Zayne so much I couldn't get back to my daily routines without thinking about him. Well, until one very special day I ran into him when I was in San Myshuno. I was so excited that I had to squeeze him into a hug, I just missed him so much and I knew he missed me too because as soon as we found each other again, he asked if I could move in with him.

I was hesitant at first, I am thinking about what my parents would think about me moving in with a boy I met in high school. Not forgetting, I'm only 14 I don't think they would agree if they found out that their teenage son moved in with someone who is fresh out of high school. I wanted to tell Zayne, but I couldn't he was making it so hard for me to decline his offer, so of course I said yes.

" I can't believe you actually moved in with me. " - Zayne says in excitement. " Yeah, but what about my parents? I still haven't told them about me leaving home?" - Micah asked. "Who cares, you are your own person now. Who needs parents?! Plus, you have me!" - Zayne says.

Zayne hits Micah with the pillow he was holding as Micah tumbles down on the bed.

" Hey, no fair. You cheated! " - Micah says whining.

Once I got used to living with Zayne, I didn't want to go back home. I wanted to stay with Zayne forever. We get to do the things we used to do back when we went to the same school together before he graduated. He even took me to the park, and we both had a watery splash together.

Everything was going back to the way it was before, well until Zayne slowly started to change. He started to grow distant, like almost every night he leaves me by myself in the apartment while he went out. I started to get worried and grew second thoughts about him probably cheating on me.

" Zayne, baby... " Micah says hesitantly.

"Hmm?" Zayne hums while looking at him.

" D...do you love me?" Micah asks.

"Of course, I love you, what kind of question is that?" Zayne says in surprise about his question. " It just... you have been avoiding me all week. I just thought... you don't like me no more." Micah says sadly.

" I just been busy with work babe. So, I could afford taking care of you." Zayne explains.

" I know... it just I been so lonely. I have no one else to talk to. I been bored in this tiny apartment." Micah complains.

Zayne pulls Micah into his arms as he cuddles him.

" Mic, I love you okay. I know I'm not around that much, but I just want you to know that I'm here right now, holding you right now. This what you should be focusing on, this moment right here. " Zayne says as he kisses the top of Micah's forehead. Micah smiles as he rests his head on Zayne's chest as he says softly " I love you so much, you mean everything to me. " Zayne smirks as he rubs Micah's hair a little messing it up a bit.

3 days before Zayne's 18th birthday

" Baby how come you always taking me to the park when it's dark out? What if we get robbed?" Micah asked.

The couple was walking in San Myshuno central park at 9 PM, Zayne had something important to tell Micah as soon as they found a place to talk alone.

"Mic, we're on the safe side of the city. No one shouldn't be able to rob us on this side of town. And if they do, I can protect you." Zayne said confidently.

"Oh Zayne, you're such a serial romantic." Micah says in awe.

" So baby, basically... We're on this stroll together is because I have to tell you that my birthday is coming up in a few days." Zayne says.

" Yes, I know, so what are we going to be doing for your birthday? Are we going to a waterpark? Six Flags? Where? " Micah says excitedly.

" Slow down Mic." Zayne says laughing a bit. "I just want to let you know; I will be turning 18 soon."

" I wish I was 18, you must be happy about being an adult. Right?" Micah questioned.

" Not really..." Zayne said looking away for a minute.

"Why you say that?" Micah Asked.

" You do know that we can't be together once I turn 18. Due to your age right. I mean I know it's a stupid rule because we basically went to school together, life just sucks because of that." Zayne said in disappointment.

Micah looks down sadly and says " I don't want to be away from you though. It's going to hurt so much without you."

Zayne thought of something and blurted out "Then marry me!"

Micah hesitates " What?! Zayne, I can't... I'm only 14 turning 15 soon. I haven't even completed my 3 years of high school yet. And what if we get caught? I don't want you getting in trouble for me."

" Baby, you don't have to worry about any of that because I have a plan. All you just have to do is marry me and let me handle the rest."

" I don't know... all of this seems a little too fast. I don't even know if I'm ready for marriage." Micah says hesitating,

" I promised babe, I know what I'm doing. You just have to do everything I tell you to do. " Zayne says smirking a bit.

"Like, everything?" Micah asked being skeptical. " I don't know... that kind of seems shady."

"DON'T question me! Just DO what I TELL YOU to DO!" Zayne raises his voice.

Micah stops what he was doing and just nods and says " Right, I'm sorry. You're right. "

Zayne looks away for a moment in embarrassment and ran his hand through his curly hair and quickly brushed off what happened and apologized "I'm sorry babe, I don't know what gotten into me. You don't have to do everything I tell you, but you should for safety." Zayne than leans in and kisses Micah on the cheek as Micah giggles a little.

"Okay, Zayne I get it. Teehee." Micah says giggling. "We just have to keep this relationship low-key until you turn 18. Okay?" Zayne says. "And we can't be obvious with it or else we'll both be in trouble."

Micah nods excitedly and hugs Zayne tightly, "I promise to be extra careful, but I can't help it though you're just too cute." Zayne smiles and presses his lips against Micah's as they kissed.

I don't know what I was getting myself into, but God... He was so convincing. Before Zayne turned 18, we got married in San Myshuno and got a marriage license after forging my parent's signature just so I was able to get married in the first place.

So, I was married at 14, maybe the biggest mistake I made. I should've just rethought my actions before I took that huge step in Marriage, but the pressure was already getting to me. A few months been going by quickly, and let's just say things didn't change. Zayne still keep getting more and more distant, the only time he wants to talk is if I'm entertaining him. 😒 I started getting depressed and having regrets about the choices I made, I even remember talking about it with Zayne one time, but it didn't end so well...

" Zayne... do you have a second? " Micah asked.

Zayne walks over to the couch and took a seat next to Micah as he wraps his arm around him. "Babe, I had a rough night at work. Mind if you could give me a backrub?"

" Zayne, I'm serious... I really need to talk to you about this it's important."

Zayne rolls his eyes and says " What could be more important than a backrub? Come on babe, those employees be giving me migraines."

Micah just shakes his head in annoyance and says "You're 18, you're too young for migraines."

" You don't know how my body reacts, I seen plenty of young adults my age who gets migraines. That's probably have to deal with teens like you." Zayne jokes as he tickles Micah.

Micah squirms as he tries to stay serious as he says sternly " Zayne I'm serious right now, why can't you listen to me?"

Zayne stops what he was doing and looks at him " Who pissed in your cereal bowl today?" " I want to go home Zayne, I'm home sick. " Micah said. "I know we got married a couple of months ago, but I miss my parents and my little brother Elijah. Plus, I haven't seen my niece and nephews in a while, my family must be worried about me." Zayne stops talking as he adjusts his glasses.

" Zayne, do you hear me?" Micah tries to get his attention. " My dad is very overprotective and I'm pretty sure he filed a missing person report. Can I at least go tell him I'm fine at least?" Zayne gets up from the couch as he starts adjusting the cuffs on his sleeves as he heads off to the kitchen. Annoyed, Micah got up and followed behind him. "Why are you ign-"

*SMACKS*

Micah's face stings a little as he tries to touch where Zayne just slap him at. As he just stood there in shock, stumbling on his words as he chokes up... Holding back tears he whispers "Y..You hit me..."

" Now look what you fucking made me do! " Zayne yells. " Why the fuck do you want to leave? After everything I fucking did for you!"

Micah sheds a tear as he closed his eyes not saying anything back.

" Now you don't want to fucking say anything?! You're fucking pissing me off!! I buy you clothes and shit and this is the thanks I fucking get?!" Out of frustration, Zayne raises his hand as Micah quickly flinches.

"Fuck!!" Zayne yells and throws a chair at the wall almost hitting Micah. "I'm going out, you fucking made my day worse." as he storms out the apartment. Micah jumps to the sound of the door slamming as he takes a shaky deep breath. He goes to the bathroom closing the door behind him, as he leans over the sink thinking about why he got himself into this mess. He slowly gazes at his cheek in the mirror as he shakes his head and yell out a loud enough scream as he bursts out crying.

I blame myself that night, I thought it was my fault that Zayne lost his cool. I couldn't eat, sleep, I was traumatized. Zayne never laid a hand on me before. So why now?

*Later that evening*

Micah was cleaning up the kitchen as he checked his phone for the time. The door opens as Zayne walks in taking his shirt off and dropping it over the couch as he lounges on the sofa. Pretending he doesn't see him; he walks past him and went to clean off the coffee table as he went back to the kitchen to put the dishes in the sink.

"Micah, come here." Zayne mumbles as he hiccups while waving his arm at Micah.

Micah pretends not to hear him as he tries to walk past him but ends up with Zayne instantly grabbing him.

" Zayne, let me go. " Micah says trying to get out of his grip.

Zayne kisses him on the neck aggressively as he says. "First you tell me, why you're ignoring me?"

Micah squirms as he tries to move away. "You know why, now let me go! I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Mm..." Zayne hums as he keeps kissing Micah repeatedly as he says "I don't give a fuck what you say, you're going to talk to me no matter what. Now let me love you." Zayne spun him around as he holds Micah from behind, kissing him gently. "You know, I love you Mic."

Micah rolls his eyes and scoffs "If you love me so much, why did you hit me?" Zayne takes a deep breath as he says "Now baby, I didn't mean to. I let my anger get out of control. You know I wouldn't try to hurt you baby; I love you. I'm sorry baby, I promise I won't do that to you again."

Micah looks him straight in the eyes as sighs and says "Fine, whatever." Zayne smirks as he plants a kiss on Micah's lips as they both kissed passionately.

Well, at least he apologized... right?! Oh, don't think you won't fall for it either. Maybe Zayne sort of has a short temper. But he still loves me, right?!

Anyways, I did everything I could to not get on Zayne's bad side. I entertained him, cooked for him. Cleaned up the house for him, and never once complained. I wish he could do something for me once in a while instead of me doing everything for him, but those past few months have been the roughest times of my life.

Until we got a little gift sent from the heavens and she been one the best blessings that came into our lives.

We found little baby Alejandra at our door, and we had no clue who left her there or who her parents were. Zayne wanted to call CPS and tell them someone is neglecting their baby and left her at our door, but I persuaded him not to. I know I may have been a little young to raise a baby but it's like Alejandra needed me and I needed her.

So, we took her in and took care of her like she was our own child. And I think it also helped me and Zayne's relationship a little, we just got closer like we did back in school.

I guess we could give Alejandra a thank you for bringing happiness to our lives. She just been one of the sweetest infants we could ever care for.

Those months was one of the best months, and it would get even better cause Zayne was able to move us into a big enough house which means goodbye cramp apartment and noisy neighbors. Though it sucks that I won't be living across the hall from my brother, but hey what's the worst that could happen?

We moved to the Henford-on-Bagley though, I mean it's not really my cup of tea, but I'm not paying rent so I can't complain right?! I started homeschooling as soon as school got back in, and so many things just keep happening.

Alejandra had her birthday party and turned 3, and we took in a cute little boy which Alejandra adores which me and Zayne is glad that the two siblings are getting along so well.

I pretty much have everything I ever wanted, a family, a partner who loves me, a nice house. I couldn't ever be unhappy. Right?! Who could be unhappy about this?!

Okay, maybe I lied a little. But it's not my fault, I thought everything was going to be alright. Thought I was making everyone HAPPY?!?!

Yes, you know what I am talking about right now.

Congratulations we finally made it to present day. Now you see here, I know you're thinking. What are these two arguing about? How about we see what they're arguing about right now?

" The fuck you mean you're not doing it?! " Zayne raises his voice.

Micah lectures him "Zayne you're drunk, I told you I don't want to do that with you. I have a Zoom meeting tomorrow and I don't want to wake up late all because you want me to do some things that I have no energy in doing with you." Zayne grabs his wrist aggressively as he says "I don't give a fuck what you want. You're under my roof you do what I tell you to fucking do." "Get the fuck off me!" Micah yells as he pulled his arm away from him. "You're nothing but a narcissistic pig. All you want to do is control people, does that make you fucking masculine enough?! Being in control of people, I am tired of your shit Zayne are you taking amphetamine. Is that why you been so fucking pissed?!" "You don't fucking know shit, don't make me expose all your dirty secrets. Keep talking you're going to go down the same road as your fucking cousin... yeah that's right, I know about your cousin going to prison after he got caught with cocaine on him." Micah face turns red as he raises his voice and shoves Zayne " You are a fucking asshole, just because your family doesn't care about you doesn't give you the fucking right to talk about my family! I don't even want to be with you anymore, I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

**Pause**

To be continued...

Author Notes:

Chile when I say this whole Prologue is just ghetto, if y'all think this is worse. Y'all should see my gameplay, it's just ghetto. In my opinion, I really hope Micah just get the balls to leave Zayne cause while writing this prologue, Zayne was making me want to delete him from my world.

But I can't wait till y'all meet Mr. Paxton, 🥹 like if Zayne don't get his shit together Micah might leave him lmao. Anyways what y'all think of this prologue? Also, sorry about the grammar and the misspelling. There were some words that I was struggling with like the spelling and shit, but yeah.

Also, if you guys haven't read the trigger warning that I posted earlier or just didn't wanted to read and just want to complain about how dark it is. Then I recommend not reading anymore of my storylines or wait till I come out with family photos of me & bae and our kids. You must have saw one photo of our family photo on this page. But yeah, I will be releasing a family friendly storyline for the audience that don't like mature/dark stuff.

Anyways I'm tired, my hands are sore I'll add on to the story as soon as I get more screenshots in my game. And if I get good at editing videos and use to the camera in the sims 4, I might make this series a machinima. But we will see for the later future, anyways thanks for reading, kisses, hugs, LOVE YA!!

[via-l0ve]

hi guys. haven’t been here in a long time but i thought id hop on to say how im currently feeling.

i’m not sure if everyone knows but one been a fav of One Direction for years. i was too young to really get into 1D when it was first formed, but my cousin was around the age of their most popular fan base age and she showed me their music and i fell in love in a young age. i only really knew harry.

as i got older i remember cleaning my room and putting on some music on youtube on my tv. the Story Of My Life music video came on and i remember watching Louis walk around singing his solo and falling in love. this was before i was on instagram and before tiktok was around so i did deep dives on pinterest (yes, pinterest) about 1D. I discovered how Louis liked girls who ate carrots, Liam’s fear of spoons, Harry’s love for cats, Zayn’s iconic ‘vas happenin?’, simon, Larry Stylinson, Lilo, niall’s love for Nandos, how insane the fanbase is/was, etc. i loved every single band member so much.

as i got older my obsession never really stopped. i dedicated a separate playlist to 1D songs and had all of their songs in my normal playlist. I was always a Louis girl but i loved them all. their music helped me through the darkest times in my life. my grandpa and uncles passing, my depression, the periods in my life where i thought i wouldn’t recover. i knew i could always turn on my spotify and the first playlist would be one direction songs.

waking up this morning happy and ending the day sobbing in bed because we lost Liam Payne has effected me in ways i can’t put into words. my heart goes out to his family and his son. taken away at 31 is so sad and i am honestly in shock. i’m sorry if my typing dosent make sense as im still shaking and crying as i write this.

i’ve never been so effected by anyone’s death before and i am so grateful to have lived in a world with Liam Payne as a human being and artist. i’m constantly crying and shaking. i found out about his passing at work and had to hold it together until i got in the car and started sobbing. i can’t believe that this is real. i don’t know how much longer ill be gone but im just so incredibly heartbroken and i can’t really think about it without losing my mind a little bit.

rest in peace to the legend Liam Payne. fly high always.

[love-strawberry]

drinks in nyc

summary : in which they both release songs about their love and it isn't enough.

pairing : harry styles x reader

warnings : language

author's note : heyyy!! it's been a while since i wrote something and why not break my hiatus with an angsty social media au lmao but ANYWAYS, here you go!! crazier things by chelsea cutler and noah kahan and supercuts by jeremy zucker!!

tagged : @ellora-brekker @slut4benbarnes @0oolookitsme

masterlist

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liked by niallhoran, conangray, selenagomez and 4,529,528 others

y/n_ 'until you met me' out everywhere!! this song is one of the most heartbreaking songs on the album and i hope you all like it!! thank you so much for supporting me!! <3

94,528 comments

username omg im crying

username the way she referred to the things in her relationship with harry

username 'i know you always fell out of love so damn easily' wow-

username 'until you met me, drinks in new york city,' she met harry in nyc,,, 'think i fell in love before i even knew your birthday' harry said in an interview that she didn't know when his birthday was until long after they started dating,,, 'kissed you on the first date,' need i say more

niallhoran 🤍 so beautiful!! loved it

username i miss harry and y/n so much

username she looks so heartbroken and sad in her recent pics :(

username masterpiece

username 'lightning strikes just once, not twice' when you realise that she's saying that the chances of their paths crossing again is none to very little :(

louist91 loved it so much!! can't wait for your album!!

arianagrande ❤️❤️❤️

username her friends supporting her>>>

username okay but her voice 🛐

username can't wait for the mv!!!

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liked by louist91, dualipa, harry_lambert and 4,829,629 others

harrystyles i had a great time performing my new single 'supercuts', thank you so much new york city.

98,629 comments

username omg we got a new song

username 'cause i don't wanna be someone you makes you happy and then lets you down'

username the voice crack when he sang 'don't need you to console me' :(

username anyone could tell he was faking smiles

jefezoff amazing song mate!!

username the way that 'started something that we're just gonna end, wonder if we would be better as friends' hurt me

username the raw emotion in his voice

username y/n was at every single one of his shows during their relationship and the fact that she still showed up yesterday even after their break up keeps me up at night

niallhoran such a beautiful song, keep it up!!

zayn it's a great song harry!! khai loves the music!!

username the boys supporting him>>

username i really wish (yourshipname) gets back together

username the music :) the lyrics :(

username he's an amazing artist!!

----------

liked by tchalamet, taylorswift, arianagrande and 4,825,528 others

y/n_ my second album, drinks in nyc out now!! you all have no idea how excited i am for you you to listen to this. every single song is precious and close to my heart, and i'm so excited!!! thank you all SO much for you support and love, i appreciate and cherish each one of you!! thank you <3

99,629 comments

username OMGOMGOMG

username this album is gonna be my favourite

username her lyrics are so beautiful

username i know i need therapy when my favourite song is all your perfects

arianagrande AHHHH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL ALBUM

oliviarodrigo AHDKANHSKSLAM MOM I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE YOU

gracieabrams im not crying nope, not even a little bit

username almost all of these songs are for harry :(

username i miss harry's comments on her posts

louist91 i love this so much!!

niallhoran my fav album till date

username im sobbing

username it's 3am for me, don't make me cry

username all of these songs are perfect?? like how??

username the way 'things we never said' crushed my heart

username she's a lyrical genius and anyone who things otherwise can choke

taylorswift i love love love love love this!! such an amazing album!!

username her friends are so supportive

----------

liked by jefezoff, mitchrowland, billieeilish and 4,925,428 others

harrystyles harry's house out may 20.

102,528 comments

username OMGOMGOMG IM GONNA CRY

username can't wait!!!!

jefezoff !!!!!!

username can't wait to see how many songs are gonna be about y/n

username 'love of my life' i-

username 🛐🛐🛐

mitchrowland can't waitttt!!!

liampayne so excited for this!! it's gonna be amazing

username i miss when y/n used to freak out about new music

username it's gonna be a masterpiece

username y/n and harry releasing albums>>>>anything

niallhoran so pumped for this!!!

username he looks so good here

username wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow

username SO FUCKING EXCITED

louist91 🤍🤍🤍

username i miss one direction

username 🦋🦋🦋

----------

[tyongxnct]

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 - 𝐍𝐚 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧

pairing: Jaemin x reader, kinda Jeno x reader

summary:Your heart was still broken. Jeno was always by your side, but one day, you meet the love of your life again and you don’t know what to do. Seeing Jaemin after years hurt, but he was also hurt after seeing you with Jeno. Jaemin knew, that there was never going to be someone, who would love you like he did. It’s as simple as that, your heart belonged to Jaemin and his heart belonged to you.

song: like I would - ZAYN

genre: exes-to-lovers!au, angst

warnings: mention of sex, swearing, sexual harassment, this is a SEQUEL to my story  𝑛𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 - 𝑁𝑎 𝐽𝑎𝑒𝑚𝑖𝑛

word count: 4.4k

A/N: FINALLY I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS, I hope you enjoy 💓💓💓

taglist: @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi @bitchenderyy​ @chitaphrrrr​

this is fiction!

© tyongxnct on all platforms

Hey what's up, it's been a while Talking 'bout it's not my style Thought I'd see what's up While I'm lighting up It's cold-hearted, cold-hearted

Know it's late but I'm so wired Saw your face and got inspired Guess you let it go, now you're good to go It's cold-hearted, cold-hearted

You never thought that this day would come.

You didn’t even dare to imagine this, it was just so impossible and you didn’t want to hurt yourself more than he already did. It took you so fucking long to move on, it took you so long to forget him but every painful memory came back just like that. How dare he show up in front of you after leaving you heartbroken and all alone? How dare he come back and look at you with those eyes you only saw in your dreams? How dare he talk to you as if he never ripped your heart apart?

Years of letting men use your body just to move on and replace his traces on your body, on your lips only for him to come back and stand in front of you and act like nothing happened, like he didn’t crush your heart and make you doubt yourself.

“H-Hey what’s up? It’s been a while.” He said casually, with no shame.

You looked at him, not really believing that he was really standing in front of you. Your knees almost gave up, the broken pieces of your heart stabbing your insides and your eyes were burning.

Why was he back? Why is he back in town? How did he find you? Is his girlfriend here too?

You had so many questions, but no words were coming out.

Jaemin looked you up and down, his eyes slowly scanning you. You had changed, it’s been years after all. You were still the prettiest girl in his eyes, with the most beautiful eyes and amazing smile. He missed your smile. No, he missed everything about you.

“Y/n? Who is it?”

Jaemin looked behind you, his eyes meeting Jeno, his old best friend. It’s been years since he saw him.

What was he doing here? Why was he with you? Since when are you close?

“Jeno?”

“Jaemin?”

You weren’t moving.

Jaemin looked to you and then back to Jeno. You were dressed in an oversized hoodie, nothing else.

Jeno looked at you and took your hand in his, he knew that this situation was too much for you. Jaemin looked at your hands. He didn’t like it.

“Are you alright baby?” Jeno whispered to you.

You nodded softly, but your grip around his hand tightened, telling him that you weren’t actually okay.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jeno looked back at Jaemin.

Jaemin didn’t know what to say, he licked over his lips and looked to you and Jeno. “I wanted to see Y/n. What are you doing here?” Jaemin asked back. Jeno looked angrily at him, “That’s none of your business. Get lost.”

Jeno tried to close the door but Jaemin stopped him with his hand. “Y/n I need to talk to you.” Jaemin tried to get to you, but Jeno pulled you behind him.

“Jaemin leave or you’re going to regret coming here.” Jeno glared at him.

Jaemin ignored him and kept looking at you. “Please I really need to talk to you.”

Your body started to tremble, tears about to fall. You shook your head and closed your eyes. “J-Jeno tell him to leave, p-please Jeno…” you whispered.

Jaemin’s heart broke and he stepped back, “Y/n… please.”

You shook your head again and Jaemin saw no other way, he looked at you and Jeno one last time before he turned around and left you. You broke down in Jeno’s arms after Jaemin left, seeing him again hurt so much, and it angered you to see him act so casually. It hurt just like it hurt when he left, ignored you and when you found out that he had a girlfriend. Jeno carried you to your bed and never let go of you, he kept hugging you until you fell asleep after crying in his arms.

Yes, Jeno was Jaemin’s best friend before he left. You weren’t close to Jeno back in the days, he was just your boyfriends best friend and that’s it. After you found out about Jaemin’s girlfriend, you started clubbing and fucking around to forget about him, to erase him from your memories and your body, but one day, Jeno saw you, extremely drunk and a random stranger harassing you. You couldn’t even walk properly and that night, you weren’t looking for a hookup.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Jeno pushed the guy away, who was also really drunk. The guy stumbled back and Jeno took your hand and pulled you with him.

When you were in front of the club, you could breathe again. “That fucking asshole, I should’ve kicked his balls.” You mumbled angrily.

“Are you alright?” Jeno asked you concerned.

You looked at Jeno, he had changed. He looked good, really good. His black hair was pushed back and his shirt fit him perfectly, his toned arms looked so hot and you starred at his biceps a little too long.

“Y/n?”

“What? Oh yeah I’m fine. Thank you.”

After a minute of silence you decided to leave and go home.

“I should go now. It was nice seeing you Jeno.” You said with a soft smile.

“Wait are you alone here?” he asked you.

You nodded softly.

“Come on, I’ll take you home. Is that okay?”

“Oh you don’t need to. Go have fun.” You said as you played with your short dress.

“I wanted to leave anyway. I don’t want you to go home alone.”

And then you found yourself in Jeno’s car. You were sobering up slowly, Jeno assured you that he didn’t drink anything, that’s why he drove you home with his car. You didn’t talk on your way home, there was only the soft music playing in the background.

Jeno parked right in front of your apartment.

“Do you maybe, want to come inside? I can make us some coffee?” you asked him. Something inside you didn’t want him to leave. Jeno thought about it for a second before he nodded with a soft smile on his face. And that was all that happened that night. You spend more time together as friends and Jeno watched you fuck around and you watched him fuck around, but one night, you found yourself in Jeno’s arms.

You told Jeno that you weren’t looking for a relationship and that you just fucked around. At first he was alright with that, but after seeing you with so many different men, he couldn’t take it anymore and he wanted you for himself. You didn’t only fuck with Jeno, you also hung out and watched movies or went to the club together. You were something like friends with benefits, but you never labeled it like that. When Jeno asked you to go on a date with him, you always turned him down. Jeno wouldn’t stop trying though. He knew that Jaemin had left you heartbroken, he knew that you would never love him like you loved Jaemin. He also knew how much his old best friend loved you, until he left you and broke your heart. Jeno liked being with you and hated seeing you sad, so he tried to be there for you, even though you pushed him away. Jeno tried to tell you that there was no future with Jaemin and that you should let him go, but you didn’t care. You only stopped fucking around because you were getting sick of it and Jeno asked you for one thing, he asked you to stop fucking around and only fuck him, it was okay that you didn’t want to go on a date with him, but he didn’t want to see you fuck other people. You had Jeno to fuck Jaemin out of your mind, you didn’t need other men anymore.

Oh, oh It's probably gonna sound wrong Promise it won't last long Oh, oh If we can never go back Thought you'd like to know that

The next morning, Jaemin woke up in his car. He was still in front of your apartment, waiting for Jeno to leave, but he never left. He stayed the night with you and Jaemin’s jealousy was eating him alive. How could his best friend do that to him? Doesn’t he know what bro code is?

Jaemin knew that it was all his fault in the first place. He didn’t keep his promise and left you hanging. Jaemin left you and he had the audacity to stop contacting you, blocking you everywhere, and then dating someone else.

Did Jaemin even love Seolhyun? No. He never loved her, he sounds like the biggest asshole ever, but he only used her to forget about you and as a publicity stunt. Seolhyun didn’t care, Jaemin’s fans liked her and she got more popular. Their breakup shocked the country, their fans heartbroken that their favorite couple broke up. Other fans happy now that Jaemin was single again, as if they had a chance.

You didn’t know about that, you ignored news, you never watched his performances or checked his social media, he blocked you with his official accounts and with his old account he had back in high school. It was almost like Jaemin never existed, but the pain was there. The pain was still there and reminded you that it was real.

Jaemin’s career was still going well. He was still popular and created music like he always wanted to, he could only write songs about his broken heart though and everyone assumed it was about his ex-girlfriend, but every song, every word that left his lips, was about you and only you.

Jaemin finally saw Jeno leaving your apartment. He was probably going to work- wait Jaemin didn’t even care. He was gone and Jaemin had finally the chance to talk to you.

He softly knocked on the door.

“Jeno did you forget someth-“ you opened the door and tried to close it as fast as you could, but once again, Jaemin stopped you.

“I need to talk to you Y/n. Please just-“

“No!” you yelled at him while still trying to close the door.

“Y/n, it won’t take long- please, just listen to me.” Jaemin begged.

“Go away! Leave me alone! I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit!” you were about to have a panic attack. Your chest tightened and your vision was blurry.

Jaemin saw you struggling and he knew that you weren’t feeling good. The way your body tensed and your hands trembled, the look on your face and your broken voice.

He stepped back and let you close the door, he couldn’t take it seeing you like that. You tried to calm down, breathing in and breathing out. You leaned against your door and closed your eyes.

“I need you to know, that I would do anything to get you back. I need you back, and I need you to know that trying to replace me with Jeno won’t work, because he won’t love you like I do. I love you, Y/n. I always loved you.” He said from the other side of the door.

“I want to explain everything to you, I want to be honest with you and I want to look at you. Please give me a chance.”

You never answered him, but you listened to him as you cried. How could he be so cruel and come back to tell you all these lies?

“I’ll go now, but I’ll come back. I won’t let go of your hand ever again, I’ll try as long as I need to, to get you back.”

He won't touch you like I do He won't love you like I would He don't know your body He don't do you right He won't love you like I would Love you like I would

It's okay to want me, 'cause I want you Been thinkin' it over, but I'm through So stop wasting all my time, messing with my mind It's cold-hearted, cold-hearted

You’ve been thinking about Jaemin’s words all day long, you were distracted by your thought and ignored Jeno and everything else. You were in your bed, looking at the ceiling and trying so hard not to cry again. You didn’t want to tell Jeno that Jaemin came back after he left, you cried all day until Jeno came back, you tried to act like everything was alright, but your silence told Jeno otherwise. But he wasn’t going to force you to talk to him, he thought that Jaemin knocking on your door last night was still messing with you, which was true, but also Jaemin’s words this morning were messing with you.

Jaemin told you that he wanted you back, he told you that he loved you and that Jeno would never love you like he did. What if he’s right? You also doubted that there was anyone who could love you like Jaemin, but did he still love you?

You did. You still loved him, and you hated yourself for wanting to talk to him. He didn’t deserve to see you face, he didn’t deserve you. His words were floating in your head and you felt your heart racing whenever you remember the way he said that he loved you.

Were you losing your mind? Was it wrong that you wanted to want to talk to him? Was it wrong that you wanted to see him and listen to his words? Was it wrong to think about him while Jeno was right next to you?

You remembered every I love you, every touch on your body and every kiss. You hated yourself for comparing him to Jeno, you hated the fact that you felt different for Jaemin. Better. More. You wished you could love Jeno, you really wished it was Jeno your heart longed for, but it wasn’t and it was never going to be Jeno. After everything Jaemin put you through, you became cold-hearted and Jeno tried to melt the ice around your heart with his warmth, with his sweet words and his lips on your body, but there was nothing more than sex you wanted from him.

After thinking about everything over and over again, it took you two more days until you unblocked Jaemin’s number, you didn’t even know if he still used his old number or if he had blocked your number too, but you tried and when he replied to your text, you knew there was no going back.

Oh, oh It's probably gonna sound wrong Promise it won't last long Oh, oh If we can never go back Thought you'd like to know that

He won't touch you like I do He won't love you like I would He don't know your body He don't do you right He won't love you like I would Love you like I would, like I would

You were home alone again, Jeno had the nightshift and you told Jaemin to come tonight. You felt bad for lying to Jeno, but you really wanted to talk to Jaemin. You were extremely nervous and scared. The sting in your heart hurt more every passing second and you stopped breathing as soon as you heard the doorbell.

With slow steps, you walked to the door and opened it, your eyes were on the floor. When Jaemin didn’t say anything, you looked up and met his teary eyes.

“Y-You have five minutes.” You whispered.

“Is he here?” he asked, looking behind you. You shook your head, “Can I come inside?”

You hesitated, but then you nodded softly and let him inside.

Jaemin looked around your apartment, it was clean and simple. The framed picture on the wall caught his attention, a picture of you and Jeno. Jaemin wanted to rip the picture apart and throw it away, but he had to stay calm.

“Do you love him?” he asked you as he turned around to face you.

“Who?”

“Jeno.”

“Why do you care?” you asked him, you were getting angry. You wanted answers, not the other way around.

“Why do I care? I want to know if my best friend waited for me to leave to make a move on you. Or the other way around. Or no, wait, maybe while I was still with you.” Jaemin tried to stop himself from talking like an asshole, but he was jealous and jealous Jaemin was an asshole.

“Excuse me?” was he being serious?

“You heard me. Did you cheat on me with Jeno? Tell me the truth Y/n. There’s no other explanation.”

“You have the audacity to stand in front of me, in my apartment, after you left and accuse me of cheating?” you were mad.

Jaemin knew he was fucking up, but he couldn’t stop. “I just want to know how a-and why. Why Jeno? Why my best friend? Did you even love me?”

You were extremely frustrated and you started crying, angry tears left your eyes. “Fuck you, Jaemin. I shouldn’t have called you- I’m s-so dumb.” You said to yourself.

“Y/n-“

“No Jaemin! Stop fucking talking! You have no idea, no fucking idea of how much I suffered because of you. You don’t know anything, so stop talking!”

“Then tell me! Tell me what is going on between you and Jeno, tell me!” he yelled back.

“You are the one who left, you are the one who promised to come back and take me with you. You are the one who ignored me and started dating someone else, so you should be the one telling me why you did what you did! I should be the one asking you If you ever loved me, because you are the one who did this to us! I love you more than anything else, you don’t have the right to ask me If I loved you, because you fucking know how much I love you!”

Your heart was beating against your chest and you felt like you weren’t able to breathe. Your hands in fists, nails digging into your skin, your vision was blurry and your voice was breaking.

“I… I had to do it.” He whispered, eyes closed.

“Why?! Tell me why?! Please, tell me why!” you cried out.

“I had to! I was trying to build a career, there was no way to come and get you. Everyone was talking about my love life. Famous singer Na Jaemin, single or in love?! Headlines after headlines about my fucking relationship and my agency didn’t want me to be with you, with someone from my past, they wanted me to date someone famous, someone from my industry. So I had to forget you and then I met Seolhyun and she was nice, but-“

“What? But what?”

“But she wasn’t you. I tried to forget you, but I couldn’t and I knew that you found out about my relationship, but she didn’t mean anything to me, I swear.” He stepped closer, “And we broke up. I saw a picture of us in my phone, and then it clicked. All I ever wanted is you, that’s why I came back, but when I saw him-“ he breathed in and out, “What do you except me to think? We both know that he won’t love you like I do.” He stepped closer again, he was right in front of you.

Jaemin cupped your cheeks with his cold hands, “He won’t touch you like I do, he won’t kiss you like I do. He doesn’t know anything about you. Not as much as I do. You know that there’s only me who’s right for you and I know that there’s only you for me. I know I was a coward, but I never stopped loving you.”

“You broke my heart.” You whimpered.

“I know, I know. I should’ve fought for us. I regret it so much. I regret leaving you. I would give up everything for you. Everything. As long as I’m with you.”

You looked him deep in the eyes. He was sincere, you could see it in his eyes.

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

Jeno entered your apartment and as soon as he saw Jaemin standing so close to you, he was ready to fight him. Jeno felt bad for leaving you alone at night, so he asked his boss if he could go home early that night.

Jaemin turned to Jeno, “What the fuck are you doing here? You really thought you can fuck my girlfriend after I left?”

“Your girlfriend? Dude, you were gone for fucking years! She doesn’t need you!” Jeno yelled at him.

“That gives you the right to be with your best friends ex?! It doesn’t matter If I was here or not, there’s something called bro code!” Jaemin stood in front of Jeno now, they looked like they were about to throw punches.

“Fuck you! You don’t get to tell me shit about friendship! Y/n doesn’t need you, so get the fuck out!”

“You think she loves you like she loves me? You really think you can replace me?! You really think, you can love her more than I do?!” Jaemin’s voice got louder with every word and you were scared that they were actually going to fight.

“Jaemin-“

“No! Tell me, does he love you like I love you? Huh? Does he make you feel like how I made you feel? Do you really think he’ll love you more than I love you? Do you-“

“I’m not dating Jeno!” you yelled, you were so annoyed that he kept accusing Jeno of something that wasn’t the case, “We’re not dating. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be with someone else, no matter how hard I tried to forget you and believe me, I tried so hard to forget you. But I couldn’t do that to Jeno. I couldn’t play with his heart, while you were playing with mine. I love you Jaemin. I always have. Jeno was always by my side. He stopped me from doing stupid, really stupid things. He was always there for me. Jeno makes me happy and he cares for me, as a friend.”

You were tearing up as you remembered what you’ve been through after Jaemin left you, but Jeno was always there for you. Yes, he wanted to go on a date with you, to help you forget about Jaemin. But what you needed was a friend, not a replacement for your boyfriend.

“Y-You’re not together?” Jaemin stuttered.

“No you fucking dumbass.” Jeno hissed.

“I’m not going to lie to you. I slept with Jeno, I slept with so many guys after you left. But none of them made me feel the way you did.”

Jaemin looked at you and then at Jeno. The truth that you had sex with Jeno left a bad after taste in his mouth, but who was he to get angry. It was Jaemin’s fault. He was the one who left you heartbroken.

Jaemin was embarrassed, angry, and scared. Embarrassed that he thought you were dating. Angry that he let you suffer like that and scared that he just lost his last chance to get you back.

“I’m sorry.” Jaemin mumbled.

“Not gonna lie, I want to beat the shit out of you, but this is between you guys. But I swear to god, Na Jaemin. If you hurt her one more time while I’m gone, I’ll kill you.” Jeno looked Jaemin deep in the eyes and then he looked at you with a soft smile, “Call me when you need me.” Jeno smiled at you and then he left you and Jaemin alone in your apartment.

You were thankful to have Jeno in your life.

You looked at Jaemin and he looked at the floor, you couldn’t really see his face.

“What now?” you asked him.

He looked at you, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I-I get it. If you don’t w-want me back. I totally u-understand if you hate me. I’m so sorry, I wish I could turn back time and decline that stupid offer. I only need you. I love you.”

Jaemin was crying so hard and he looked so done with his life, so done with everything. He wanted to hug you and never let go, he would never do that mistake again. He would never let go of you, no, not again.

“I love you too.”

You weren’t sure If you forgave him too soon, but your heart felt so light and you felt like you could breathe again. All you worries were gone in a second. You jumped in Jaemin’s arms and hugged him tightly. “If you hurt me ever again, my heart won’t take it and I don’t know what would happen.”

Jaemin wrapped his arms around you and pressed soft kisses on your hair, “Never. I’m never going to hurt you again. I love you so much.” He was still crying, just like you.

You never thought that this day would come. The day you were finally back in Jaemin’s arms, hugging him tightly and hearing him say that he loved you.

After that night, you slowly build your relationship with Jaemin again. You went on dates, he showed you around the company, and he loved you like he promised he would. You were happy and you would thank Jeno thousand times for helping you go through all that shit. Jaemin and Jeno’s friendship was also building up slowly, but since you moved to Seoul, to be closer to Jaemin, you saw Jeno not as often as you did before, but he told you that he met a cute girl and it felt like she was the one for him.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaemin kissed your bare shoulder. His naked body pressed against yours under the sheets.

“Just thinking about how much I love you.” You smiled at him softly.

“I love you so much.” He mumbled as he pressed little kisses on your shoulder and then he turned you to face him. “I’ll love you forever.” He pressed his lips on yours and you could feel your heart beating against your chest. No matter how many times Jaemin kissed you, it always felt like the first time he did, back when you had your first kiss with him.

“I love you.”

And that is how your heart healed and loved again.

[umblackness]

pranked hearts — h.s.

pairing: harry styles x reader

warning: uh kinda angsty and sad

summary: here's the thing, you couldn't have said no. not when the world practically begged you to prank your boyfriend.

author's note: I know I wrote this originally for zayn but I felt like I was disrespecting zayn and gigi by posting this. I know this is just fiction but I just ..... wasn't happy so I changed this to a Harry one shot.

The comments on the screen in front of your only made you giggle like crazy because a. it made you realise that directioners are actually fond of you and the hate doesn't matter, b. you were as excited as the people watching your livestream.

You were kinda playing a prank on your boyfriend, harry and you were very very excited, to say the least. He had pranked you a couple of times and none of them were funny so yeah, he will know payback is a bitch.

You quickly hid the camera, just in time as harry walked in from his shower. He greeted you with a kiss on your forehead before taking his place on his side of the bed.

You and the fans that were watching your livestream watched as he picked up his phone from the bed side table. With his eyes still on the phone, he laced your hands together, almost as if it was a habit by now.

"Babe, what would you do if we broke up?" You smiled mischievously.

Harry turned to you, confused as to why you would ask such a question but he answered it nevertheless. "I would be sad . . . . . a lot."

You couldn't help but smile at him before snapping back in your character. You smirked, knowing the next question that you would ask was just the start.

"What do you think I would do if we broke up?"

"You'd be sad . . . a lot. "

You shook your head, resisting the urge to hug him when you saw his heartbroken and confused expression.

You spoke up quick before he did, knowing that this was gonna be hard but funny. "I would get back with my ex."

You swore, the hurt that flashed across his face was worth it all but it also made you want to kiss away the pain.

"What?!" He put his phone down, abandoning whatever he was doing. He ran hand through his hair nervously before resting it on his mouth.

"I would get back with my ex." You spoke again, but slowly this time.

"WHAT!? Why?" Harry looked at you with those brown eyes you loved do much. The same eyes that were now filled with tears.

You fought a smile when you whispered, to him. "Because I love him?"

Silence. He didn't say anything after that and it hurt you because you knew he was broken inside now.

You looked at his face, trying to find anything that expressed how he was feeling. Even though, you knew he was trying his best to appear emotionless.

And judging by the way you couldn't find a single expression on his face, he was doing a damn brilliant job at it.

He spoke after five minutes which felt really fucking more than just five minutes. It was a meek whisper but it made you wanna burst out laughing and break down, at the same time.

"What-"

"I love him, I rea-"

"We need to talk. What did I do wrong, just tell me. What happened that made you say that. I am sorr-"

You cut off his rambles, letting your lips curl upwards. "H, you would be my ex."

Unable to keep the smile off your face, you watched as the realisation dawned on his face. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before actually speaking up.

"I was so pissed off. I swear to God,-" Harry laughed, letting out a relieved sigh.

He punched the mattress, relieved but happy at the same time. You laughed, internally smirking because of the fact that you had got your revenge.

You turned to where you knew the camera was hidden, winking quickly and turning back before Harry caught you. He ran his hand through his hair, this time, doing it because of the relief and happiness.

"If I didn't like . . . . legitimately love you, I would have screamed at you."

[arctic-comet]

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

[wmitomlinson]

FIC RECS- JAN 2021

if it’s not too late, happy 2021 everyone! i know the year hasn’t started out great but let’s keep our fingers crossed, and in case it doesn’t, i’ll be here to rec amazing fics to you! shoutout to all the authors of this fandom for being amazing <3

many of the fics mentioned below may have triggering topics. TW // DRUGS, ADDICTION, DRUG MENTION, ALCOHOL AS A COPING MECHANISM, ACCIDENTS, AMNESIA

never be by cherrystreet @cherrystreet (117k, study abroad au, strangers to friends to lovers, angst, pining, happy ending) this was the first ones i’ve read of this type and it was amazing. i loved the long distance dynamic. 

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (22k, infedility) i have no idea why i ever thought that reading h cheating on l would ever do me any good, but here it is. beautifully written. this had me ugly crying and howling the first time i read it. can confirm i hated irl harry for a while after this. 

we’re not who we used to be by louistomlinsons @adoredontour (30k, sharing a bed, accidental cuddling, exes to lovers, road trip) i absolutely loved the ziam and shiall content, coupled with stupid louis. road trip AUs are very cool and if you like them as much as i do you should read this.

search and rescue me by wild halos (17k, alternate universe - high school, confinement?) this was one of the very few stuck together ones i’ve found and i ADORE it. super exciting. their chemistry is amazing. the things that can happen in a day ,,,, *chef’s kiss*

candles on air by isthatyoularry @isthatyoularry (29k, friends to lovers, unrequited love, angst, pining) i read this during physics and i honestly had to work so hard not to let my self-restraint break because i was exhausted by the end of this. the angst is top-tier. 10/10 would recommend.

but me, i’m not a gamble by orphan_account (33k, football player louis, famous harry, popstar harry, footie au, niall is friends with all the footballers) a lovely posh&becks au featuring a cameo from none other than david and victoria beckham. i love the slow build and how louis leads harry on but can’t live without him either. oh and niall is a smug bastard but what’s new. 

spin me like a record by zarah5 @zarah5 (8k, alternate universe- college/university, friends to lovers, fake/pretend relationship, happy ending) let me start by saying that this author is my absolute favourite and that everything she writes is GOLD. so much captured in just 8k. loved it.

counting the steps between us by zarah5 @zarah5 (24k, friends to lovers, pining, so much pining, also camping) this fic is a gem. i absolutely love the dynamic between them and how easily they fall into step with each other. louis is kinda a dick to harry but they end up happy, so, who cares. 

say that you can see me (i’ll speak up i swear) by coffeelouis (20k, college au, liberal arts college, photographer harry, soccer/football player louis tomlinson) harry is an oblivious idiot and louis is the fool pining over him. zayn is not bothered, except for when he is. wonderful fic. 

larry heartbreak by coinmaisy (47k, cheating harry, angst with a happy ending, it gets worse before it gets better, infedility, heartbroken louis tomlinson, implied/referenced drug use, alcohol) when i first read the summary i was like “what is 47k going to do to me?” huge mistake i promise. this was so exhausting to read and it literally felt like my partner had cheated on me. you really feel for the characters. kind of unconventional with the way they deal with it but beautiful nevertheless.

joke’s on our parents by larrycaring @mystupidamours (alternate universe- high school, louis has a twin named carla, coming out, sort of, closeted character) short and sweet, an extremely adorable read. i wish it didn’t end here! i’d kill for parents like that no joke

life at shutter speed by zarah5 @zarah5 (20k, alternate universe- fashion & models, harry is very forward, louis is charmed even though he wishes he weren’t) photographer!louis au featuring stunning locations and even more stunning models.

oh glory by alivingfire (21k, alternate universe-olympics, 2016 summer olympics, gymnastics, mentions of past zouis, explicit sexual content, praise kink, slight mentions of homophobia typical in work environments) this was soooo good. i’m not particularly into sports fics unless it’s footie louis, but swimmer!harry was something i never knew i needed. wonderful setting and the ending *chef’s kiss*

hold my breath by zarah5 @zarah5 (19k, alternate universe- yoga, alternate universe- football, louis plays football and is a beast when injured, harry and louis ramble around london a lot) this is definitely one of my favourite fics for this month. yoga instructor!harry, football!louis AND angst? sign me up hjdhnjsk 

talk dirty to me by briamaria (13k, friends to lovers, dirty talk, mutual masturbation) uni au with best friends to lovers + dirty talk? this one was fireeeeeee. their chemistry is awesome

own the scars by crinkle-eyed-boo @crinkle-eyed-boo (144k, american au, drug addiction, drug overdose, larry is endgame, so don’t let the tomlinshaw scare you off, you’re gonna suffer, but you’ll be happy about it, lots of larry easter eggs) I AM BEGGING YOU TO READ THIS FIC, but more importantly, please please, READ THE TAGS. this had me ugly crying like crazy. this was very triggering for me but istg i don’t regret it. slow burn and angst and fluff and the jealousy,,, make this a must-read. even the memory of this fic gets me overwhelmed. incredible. ft. zouiall friendship that will most definitely make your heart melt.

no one does it better by nodibs (49k, alcohol abuse, alternate universe) amnesia fic with ot5 friendship, sloooooooooooow burn and a shit ton of tears. 

teenage dreams in a teenage circus by orphan_account (50k, first time, coming of age, alternate universe- high school) gemma/perrie/louis friendship that i never knew i needed. louis falls in love with harry, which, awkwarddd. but this fic gave me major coming of age movie vibes and now i’m angry that i don’t have a childhood like this

play the odds by alivingfire @alivingfire (25k, friends to lovers, bets&wagers, alternate universe- college & university) a bet where they have to kiss 1000 times. maybe it ends up being more than that. i loved the concept and how well it carried throughout the fic.

those are all for this month ! i hope you enjoy them, and if you do, make sure you leave kudos and comments. stay safe, sending love! x

[weeklyfangirl]

Frat Boy Pt. 22

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 , part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19 , part 20, part 21

Hope everyone is keeping themselves mentally/physically well... here’s the next update in your adventure. Please safely read from home ;) 

The sun moved slowly up my window, illuminating the dancing dust in the air. Even though I knew dust didn’t have feelings, it all still looked very peaceful, suspended there in space. 

 I wanted to be suspended, floating, with no obligations or pressures. 

 Instead, I watched time slip by, slowly, as the shadows stretched along my floor and I lay still, wrapped in a giant Winnie-the-Pooh sheets burrito. 

I called in sick the past three days to work and to all my classes, my lack of attendance probably dropping me a letter grade in a few classes. Instead of checking on my academic scholarship, I begged Renny to drop off Dr. Rhinecuff’s papers for me. She did, lamenting about how his office smelled like roast beef and how she probably needed a nose job from it shrivelling up from the stench. Tired, I sent her three hearts, ignoring all of her calls and voicemails. 

 In a random bout of restless energy, I looked up the University of Oxford in England. No one would know me there. And maybe that wasn’t a bad thing when you didn’t even know yourself. I stayed on their site for an hour, avoiding my take-home assignments, and speculating which classes I could take in the spring semester. My eyes grew tired though, and even if I were accepted as a transfer student, it wasn’t like I could ever afford it without scholarships. 

 I closed the computer. 

 It’d been cloudy, rainy. The random storm that’d come in from Mexico lasted longer than the usual morning fog that’d roll in and out by the time it was 9 AM. This storm lingered, heavy, full clouds looking to burst and unleash a steady rain for three to four hours before the clouds rested, storing up all they could until the next downpour. 

 My parents didn’t question me when I came in, used to my random visits. But when I went straight to my room without saying hello, rain-plastered hair covering puffy eyes, my mom basically collapsed at the sight. 

 She followed me to the bed, trying to see my face, but I buried it in the pillow, ignoring the way the purple fringe tickled my nose. 

 “What’s wrong sweetheart?” 

 I just groaned. Her voice was too gentle, too well-intending for the dark thoughts sitting in my mind. She’d be heartbroken if she heard them. 

 She huffed, not out of annoyance, but distress. “What’s bothering you?? Is it Renny? Did you breakup with Harry?” All those reasons were too simple. She ran her hands lightly along my legs, but I cringed away from her touch. It was something I rarely did. She paused. “You can tell me anything...” 

 I shook my head against the pillow, my last attempt to tell her to leave without speaking. She waited a moment longer. 

 “Okay,” she said. And that was it. 

 Father didn’t ask questions, not even when I was here for the third consecutive day. Mom had probably come to her own conclusions, and shared them with him. 

 “Mom said you aren’t feeling too well,” he said over cereal one morning, confirming my suspicions. It was the first time he’d broken our three-day spree of comfortable silence. 

 “What else did she tell you?” 

 He shrugged his shoulders, his usual buoyant self replaced with a quiet voice. He looked at me, and all I saw was pity. If I were him, I’d probably look at me the same way. I hadn’t showered in a while. “Well don���t let anything get you down. You’re too smart for that.”

 He’d tried. He’d put in an effort. I just nodded, scooping up another spoonful of cereal. He followed suit. 

 And that was that.  

 A week passed like this. 

 But overnight, the clouds had blown away, and the sun came back full-force this morning just in time for the weekend, renewing my guilt. That traitor. 

 I’d cried all of Monday and Tuesday, but when the last tear was shed in the middle of a New Girl episode, I was empty. My tears didn’t leave anything to replace them with. 

 On Wednesday, a phone alarm reminded me I had a therapy appointment. I hit snooze multiple times. It was only when I got up to pee, and I hated what I saw in the mirror that I threw on an oversized sweater to go over my pajamas and headed out the door. 

 “Is it good?” I asked. 

 Her hands reviewed my wants list.  

 “That’s just a coffee stain on the corner..just...ignore that bit,” I added. 

 She surveyed it briefly, not really focusing on it. “Were you honest?”

 I nodded.

 “Then there isn’t good or bad. It’s just your truth.”

 “But I still feel… I don’t know. I don’t think I know what that is. I don’t feel like I’m… progressing. Doing anything towards that,” I said. 

 She looked at me with a level gaze. “Then that’s your truth. And that’s okay for right now.”

 I shot her a glance.

 “I see a common struggle with people your age. They feel this….” -She adjusted, quirking her head- “immense pressure to be perfect, to figure it all out, to achieve success so early.” 

 “Everyone’s doing it,” I began. “They’re getting internships, keeping up their grades, involved in ten clubs, doing community service…” I could’ve droned on, but didn’t. 

 “You have an internship, your grades are good, you’ve joined a sorority, and up until recently you’ve been involved in tutoring. Those are extracurriculars.” 

 I couldn’t argue with her. 

 “Is it too much?” she asked.

 Too much. It was everything I’d been feeling until I’d felt nothing. But hearing her list off what was waiting for me just beyond her doors made me feel the weight of it all over again. 

 “I’ve just been overwhelmed.” 

 “Who have you been thinking about?” 

 She noticed I started picking my hangnail. 

 She started gently, knowingly. “Has it been Harry?” 

 “Ow,” I cursed. A bit of blood prickled up where the hangnail used to be. 

 “He seems to be a major stressor in your life. Would you agree?” The clock ticked behind her, filling the silence. Her hands rested in her lap, while mine swiped away the bit of blood. I could never remember my therapist’s name, but somehow it wasn’t important. 

 “Yeah, but … I mean …. there’s a lot of stressors.”

 “Like his friends?”

 His friends, in the abbreviated story I’d told her, stood in place for the gang. I’d used terms like … intimidating, mean, basically painting them as bullies who didn’t like us together. I wasn’t expecting to get much therapy from a lie. “Out of curiosity, if I were to tell you something… would you be obligated to report it to the police?” 

 “Not necessarily.” Her legs crossed, creased brows zeroing in with a laser focus. “Has something happened to you, Y/N?”

 I swallowed hard, the truth lodged in my throat. But I had gotten too used to the weight of the secret. “I was just curious…” My mind raced to change the subject, and I blurted about Zayn’s art show. 

 “Do you think this panic attack was induced by this heightened sense of scrutiny from Harry’s friends?” 

 “Probably.” 

 “You said there were others. What are your main stressors?’ 

 I settled in, more comfortable with this question. “There’s financial stressors, for one. And it’s exasperated here.” 

 “You’ve been dealing with financial difficulties for a while, now. Have you been feeling this anxious the entire time, or has it been recent?” 

 My foot tapped impatiently. We both knew the answer.

 “Your panic attack was a first,” she explained, gently. “Some new factor in your life pushed you there.” 

 I picked at the hangnail, wincing. It was gone. My skin was raw. 

 “Maybe it all links back to Harry.” She waited a moment to see if I’d speak. When I didn’t, she leant back, and pulled out a new sheet of paper, scribbling something down. “I want you to write a pros and cons list about your relationship with him, for next time. When your feelings are overwhelming, it helps to get everything on paper. In a list. Puts things in perspective.” 

 I drove home, her words had pushed themselves into my empty shell and now they clinked around, jostling up my insides like a pinball machine and giving me a headache. 

 Just because I hadn’t left the house all week didn’t mean I didn’t feel guilty for ditching work. God, I did. It killed me. I knew I was lucky to get that internship. Harry had mentioned how people killed just to get on the waitlist, and I didn’t doubt it. An OC internship with, if not the top, at least the most publicized private practice? I mean, I was typing in appointments next to a Southern Stanford grad if that speaks to the competition here. 

 And here I was, retreating back to my house, too drained to face the world. 

 As for Harry, after what I’d said to him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to talk to me ever again. 

 I’d been so cruel. 

 I was weak.  

 I felt guilty for feeling this way at all. 

 And then I would watch the dust again.

 It was a cycle. 

 About three blocks from my house on my way back from the therapist session, a familiar car passed me. It happened suddenly, unexpectedly, like most things do. We made eye contact before he passed, and my foot instantly lifted off the gas when my eyes connected with my brain. I whipped my head around but the matte black maserati sped up, disappearing from sight. 

 What was Harry doing this far from campus? 

 My heart beat erratically as I pulled into the driveway, and it was only seconds before I made it into the house. Father held up a hand in Grandpa’s old room. Phone call. Trudging silently to my own, I wrapped myself in a blanket burrito. 

 I’d been avoiding my phone, but I caved this time, checking J’s social media to see if he’d posted anything about being in the area to prove I WASN’T crazy and DIDN’T just hallucinate. Nothing. I tossed my phone on the other side of the room before I spiralled.  

 It didn’t matter. I was in my room. Alone. Safe. I focused on the dust. 

 Two little knocks disrupted my exciting mind game - which dust particle would fall further than the other. 

 “You’re turning ripe,” Father noted. His briefcase was still in his hand and he was coming startlingly close to my depression burrito. 

 “What are you doing-!?” I protested. But it was too late. He ripped the sheets off, exposing me in the t-shirt I’d been in since Monday. “Your mood won’t change if you don’t make an effort.

Come on.”

 “Where are we going?”

 “You’re coming to the water with me.” He hesitated at the door. “Shower first.” 

 In the car, a sense of comfort washed over me. He’d been right. Clean wet hair smelled nice and felt good slicked around my head. Even if Mom would complain I’d “catch cold,” it felt good to feel something. Dad’s speakers switched between classic rock and reggaeton as I sipped on the chocolate shake we picked up from the Shake Shack. It was a short drive away to the harbor, and once parked, a shorter walk to the public docks. 

 Our feet dangled above the water. It was too cold to go swimming this time of year, but my body buzzed with yearning despite the goosebumps on my skin. I wanted to feel encompassed by salty water. I wanted to be submerged, where everything was muted, a barrier between me and the world. Between my wet hair and the icy shake, I could pretend my body was as cool as the water below me. I could just…. dissolve. 

 “So what’s going on?” he opened up the conversation. “You having a hard time at school?” 

 “I don’t like the sorority.” 

 His brows raised, not expecting me to be so honest so soon. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, don’t you hate that shit?” 

 I looked at him, almost shocked he’d agreed with me. 

 The boats squeaked as they rocked with the rolling tides coming in from the ocean. I watched as a duffy boat wandered to the end of the jetty - where the harbor opened to the ocean. I took another big gulp of my shake, feeling the cold run down, freezing my esophagus. 

 “I liked frats, but sororities are different,” he mumbled, spooning his shake into his mouth. He’d gotten his usual Neapolitan, and it’d somehow stayed solid on the drive over. We hadn’t been to the Shake Shack in years, but I guess seeing his daughter waste away beneath her comforter was enough to break the dry spell. 

 “Why? Because its girls?” My lips were breaking into a smile without my consent. He didn’t make sense. 

 “They’re more catty.” He shrugged his shoulders. 

 “Dad! That’s verging on sexist.” 

 “Eh, I don’t know. I’m just saying things. Did you tell Mom you want to quit?” 

 I shook my head. 

 “Yeah…” he looked out at the boats, a quiet understanding passing between us. “She was really excited for you to join.” 

 “It’s not all bad…” 

 “Well if it’s not making you happy, don’t do it. Your mom doesn’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do. I was in a frat to shoot the shit with friends and it was something fun to do instead of study. If it’s not something fun for you, drop it.” 

 I could hear the words he was telling me, but it was like they were rolling off my shoulders, not really penetrating. He made it sound so easy, but it seemed like it was a million times harder than that. Everything was entangled, just as Harry had said. Not to mention Renny. If I quit, I felt like I’d lose her forever, too. I knew I could use a better friend, but that couldn’t erase the years of memories we had together. Losing Renny would feel like losing a part of myself. Not that I knew who that was anymore. 

 “Dad?” I asked. The question that'd weighed on my mind ever since I got home rested on the tip of my tongue. 

 “Yeah?” 

 “This is going to sound weird, but did you see Harry today?” 

 “Yeah. He stopped by,” he said, casually, spooning another mouthful. 

 I practically choked. “What? Why?! Weren’t you going to tell me?” 

 “Y/N, I’m working. I have a thousand things bouncing around in my head all the time.”

 “And?!!?”

 Harry couldn’t reach out to me beforehand? He drove by but- what? Didn’t even want to see me? 

 He sighed, not understanding the urgency. “He just stopped by, said hi. That’s all.” 

 My brows stitched. “Why would he say hi to you? What’d he say, exactly?” 

 “Oh, come on, I don’t know. I can’t remember-”

 “Dad!” 

 “All right, all right. Hi, how are you…” -his brain tried to remember- “he asked if you were doing okay. Then he left. He was nearby for a family brunch or something.” 

 “He asked about me?” 

 “Yeah. I mean, he didn’t go on and on, he just asked a question. He was in a rush.” 

 The shake froze me from the inside, and the breeze froze me from the out. But while I shriveled into myself, my guilt grew. “Dad?” 

 He hummed. 

 “Why are people so fake?” 

 He looked out at the harbor, peaceful for a winter’s morning. Only one small fishing boat headed towards the harbor’s edge, the sole fisherman at the helm facing the wind with the grace of a husband dealing with a temperamental spouse. 

 Father looked to our shoes as a random swell came, the water rising perilously close to our soles. Then, with all the untapped wisdom I seldom remembered parents had, “People are fake because they don’t know who they are,” he said.

 He got a call from the restaurant and drove us home. 

 In bed the next day, I ignored the pros/cons assignment, watching New Girl and making collages of Oxford in a word document until my eyes were burning from blue light exposure. I knew I was pushing it staying this long away from school, away from my problems. I was pushing myself, seeing how far my apathy could go. I woke up Thursday night at 2 AM from the rain pouring against my shutter and anger pricking my insides. 

 Harry was the reason I was in this position. As well as Viv, who fucked Harry. And Kiki, who gave me a DG Pretty Please, that just so happened to involve Harry. 

 I wanted him, but I wanted him to fuck off. Nothing was changing. Nothing was getting better. 

 It was all Harry, Harry, Harry, and no matter what, I ended up feeling insane.  

 At one point, I was going to have to choose myself. 

 I rolled over, blindly reaching for a pen, and scribbled in the dark. 

 If my therapist wanted a list, she’d get one helluva list. 

 -----------

“I’m glad you’re going, honey.” Mom released me from the lung-crushing hug. 

 I’d created enough Oxford collages and daydreamed about a new life until I couldn’t think of any other imaginary scenarios (or postpone collegiate life any longer). 

 The Friday sun had set. The game had already started. I thought about the crowd, all the people I’d see… 

 “Can I just stay the weekend?” 

 “Oh.” Her arms dropped from my sides. “Didn’t you promise your friends that you’d go?” 

 Renny. I’d promised Renny. Singular friend. My hand was in a fist, thumb rubbing anxiously over my fingers. I didn’t listen to her voicemails, there were seven of them. But she’d texted me fifty times in the past twenty minutes, declaring that she’d Venmo me gas money if I’d come to the game. 

 I’d been in my hole long enough. 

 “Yeah, I did.”

 “Well, you COULD stay-”

 I broke away, shaking my head. If I let her coddle me another minute, I think I’d crumble all over again. 

 “I love you,” she reminded me. “You’re my precious angel.” 

 From the living room, the muffled applause from the game show Father had fallen asleep to faded further as I left. 

 Momma’s robe-bundled frame waved on the driveway, her sad smile burning in my mind long after she disappeared from view.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------

 Come on, come on, come ON. 

 The path to the stadium took forever. No shame, I was full-on running, braless, fresh pit-stains on display as I booked it to the gate. 

 It was completely dark now, and the usual fleet of cop cars seemed to have all but disappeared the week I’d been gone. Only one passed me by, and the rest of the student body probably all congregated around the stadium. 

 When I saw the art studio, I slowed. It was completely dark, except for one entry light. The paintings would still be displayed... My pounding heart told me to keep running, and I hesitated, listening to it for a moment before walking to the door. I tugged on its metal handles, parts of me seizing up as it opened, giving way to my touch. 

 I crept into the space, feeling like an intruder as I walked through the exhibit. 

 For some reason, I expected it to look differently, to see it blurred together as I’d seen it before in a panic. 

 I was still hanging amidst the vines, but this time the paintings looked less threatening. Maybe it was the fact that I was alone, maybe it was because I’d already felt the worst of it. 

 Each piece was sold. 

 I looked over my shoulder a couple times before letting out a small shout. A tester. 

 It echoed in the space. 

 I did it again, louder, at my full about-to-be-murdered capacity.

 I must’ve looked absolutely mental, but as I heard my shout reverberate around me, at least I felt something.  

 Five charcoal sketches in particular ran horizontally together. 

 Lust / Longing / Love / Lost / Loss

 Had he seen all of this in me? He’d certainly seen other bits I hadn’t shown him. 

 My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out. Renny. Without thought, I started her stream of voicemails.

 Y/N where the FUCK are you!? Zayn’s concerned and I’m concerned and you’re not in the room-

 Next. 

 Are you really sick? Or is this just some BS excuse. Or is this real and Harry gave you tonsilitis or something. I want to hear your voice. Ilyyyyy. 

 Next. 

 It’s meeeeee. Niall’s busy and you’re sick and I don’t know what to dooooo. Housewives isn’t as fun without-

 Next.

 BABE WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME CALLS DO YOU HATE ME, AND YES I MEANT TO SAY ME INSTEAD OF MY I HOPE YOU’RE LAUGHING-

 Next.

 DUDE. You will not believe what just happened- Harry just stopped by. 

 My thumb paused, letting it stay. 

 I was avoiding his texts because I think he’s a dick. Well, he IS a dick, even if Niall said he was going through a lot. It’s still not an excuse. But Harry LEGIT found me on campus, like not even when I was with Niall at the house, but at our APARTMENT...I-hold on. Ew, pastrami professor just passed me. What are the odds? OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY, I almost punched him when I opened the door because remember last time he basically told me off. But… I don’t know. It was different this time. He seemed… so concerned. Frazzled. I don’t even know the word to describe it. Ugh, if you were here you would be able to TELL ME what the word is. I miss you. Come back. 

 The voicemail rolled into the next. 

 I’m just pretending to talk on the phone right now because the boy I hooked up with last year is staring me THE FUCK down right now-

 A creak in the pipes startled me, and the voicemail was all but forgotten. 

 My heart beat fast. 

 It was very, very quiet. 

 With one noise in the dark, the art pieces turned menacing. An oil painting in the corner of the room morphed into the Styles’ portrait. It wasn’t here. It couldn’t be here. I squinted, blinking through the dark. The portrait I thought I’d seen was just a painting of two silhouetted men facing each other. My heart still beat like I’d just ran a marathon though. I wasn’t about to be a part of the next horror movie “art comes alive.” 

 I booked it out faster than I came, answering Renny’s call on the way. 

 ---------

“Thank fucking finally,” Renny huffed, leaning over Lynn to draw me in a hug.

 “You didn’t miss much,” Lynn said, looking past me towards the game. I sat on Renny’s other side so she was in the middle, but when I looked at the scoreboard - Home, zero. Guest, two - I knew it was a done deal. Some people had already left, but half the stadium was still here, either hoping for a miraculous recovery or refusing to put their tails between their legs for pride’s sake. I noticed a group of parents in Chapman gear huddled together, waving their flags. No Mary or Lionel Styles in sight. 

 “How’s he been?” I asked. It’s like my head already knew where to turn, because as soon as I looked to the field, I found him. On the bench, elbows on his knees, head bent over.  

 “How’ve YOU been?” Renny asked. “I was seriously about to drive over to your house and check on you.” 

 Someone beat you to it. The thought was sour. For as much as Renny could claim her undying love for me, I was struggling to see the actions to support it. Everyone was disappointing. 

 “He’s been playing like shit,” Lynn answered.  

 “Brought back some...” His sentence died. Of all people, Zayn stood there, stopped, popcorn in hand. “Hey, Y/N.” 

 Felix stood behind Zayn, giving me a small wave. Zayn was clearly waiting for me to make the first move, but I turned away to the field. I didn’t know what to say. 

 From my peripheral, I saw them sit down by Lynn. 

 As soon as he did, it hit me like a flashfood. I knew what I was feeling. Anger. Discomfort. Shame. That he could expose me so easily, that he’d looked through my clothes in a way I never permitted. That he could sit down so comfortably without apologizing, as if nothing had happened. 

 Renny leaned in. “Are you okay?” 

 “No.”

 She flinched at the abrupt answer. “Do you want to leave?” 

 I stopped myself from saying yes. I didn’t want to have to climb over Zayn to get out of here. That would be more than uncomfortable. 

 “No, I’ll tell you later.” 

 I didn’t speak the rest of the game, pretending not to hear him cheer or laugh or make a snide remark to Felix every other second. Like the annoying click of a fan when you’re trying to fall asleep, Zayn’s every move made anger shake my bones. Lynn gave me sympathy looks every once in a while. It wasn’t like me to be this quiet, and even with our friendship being as new as it was, she knew that much. 

 The crowd didn’t roar this time. They were silent as the clock hit zero, staring blatantly at its twin beneath Home. The Guest team’s few Minnesota supporters jumped like little beans on the other side of the field, but their cries were faint. 

 We’d lost. 

 Everyone stood, and Renny linked her arm with mine. A familiar habit. “We’re going to Viv’s for some post-game depression drinks now.” 

 But I stopped her. 

 “I think I want to go back to the room,” I winced. 

 “Come on, PLEASE? It’ll be fun, you were barely here for the game.” 

 “I don’t know, depression and Viv in the same sentence… You really know how to sell a party.” 

 “Aren’t you coming, Y/N?” Lynn made moves to follow the rest of the crowd that was funneling out of the stands.  

 I shook my head at the same time Renny nodded hers. 

 She huffed. “Why not? It’s going to be chill. We lost. It’s not going to be like the usual ragers.” She popped her hip, completely deadpanned. “You haven’t seen another college-aged person in a week.” 

 “Yeah and there’s a reason for that.” 

 Concern washed over her, voice lowering. “Tell me.” 

 As if on cue, Zayn and Felix stopped their descent down the bleachers and looked up at the girls, waiting for them to join. It was all I could do to not scream at them. 

 “Later,” I said. “You’re leaving now.” 

 “I don’t have to leave right now, it’s not starting yet...” Renny began, but Lynn gave her a look that said yes, they were leaving now. 

 “She wants us to help set-up,” Lynn explained. 

 “But it’s a small thing, right?” I teased Renny. 

 My bestie rolled her eyes, lips pinching. “Are you SURE?” 

 I nodded, sitting down on the cool metal bleacher again. Renny took a step towards me, a sad look on her face, but I held up my hand. 

 “I’m fine,” I said, when I felt anything but. “I just want to wait until the crowd leaves.” I picked up the popcorn bag she’d left behind and threw a handful in my mouth with a cheesy, hopefully convincing grin.

 She grimaced, briefly looking back to Lynn who was anxiously waiting. “Fine. But we’re still talking about this later. I friggin miss you.”

 She left with the others, funneling out towards a party she’d probably stay at until the early morning. 

 I didn’t want to go back to the room. I didn’t want to go anywhere. 

 The lights were so bright on soccer fields. Bugs flew in and around, racing each other faster than the dust in my room. It wasn’t until the janitors walked past me that I realized I’d been sitting there for too long. I reached in the popcorn bag, but my hand came up empty. They’d gone overboard on the salty butter, but somehow, I’d still managed to eat all of it. 

 Even with everyone off the field though, I didn’t feel alone. An older Hispanic woman taking out the trash saw me walking down and opened up the bag. 

 “Thank you,” I said, smiling. 

 She just smiled in return, nodding her head as she continued down the aisle.

 Leaving the field’s gates, I was prepping for another mini run-for-my-life-and-back-to-the-dorm anxiety episode, when I heard someone shuffling. There were faint groaning noises, and I sped up my pace. 

 For a flash second, I thought someone was winning the “sleep in the locker room” bet, but when I tossed my head-back mid-run, I stopped so quickly, I almost tripped. 

 “Harry?” 

 There, in the dark, barely concealed by the shadows, he stumbled out. His abdomen looked… glossy? But then the light reflected crimson. 

 I ran to him as he fell, his white jersey stained with blood. “Oh my God, oh my God…” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “What happened?! Are you okay!?” 

 He pushed me back. “M’fine.” But his voice was strained. He stumbled again, and I reached out before he fell. 

 I thought the blood from his shirt had fallen from a bloody nose, but his hand moved to my arm in a vice-like grip, revealing a gash in his jersey, I saw more liquid pool out from his gut and I almost gagged. 

 “You are BEYOND fine. You aren’t fucking fine!!” 

 “We have to leave. Have to… get out of here.” He grimaced. His face, his beautifully chiselled face was swollen on one side, his lip cut from impact. 

 “Okay. OKAY. I need to call the cops. The cops. I’m going to call them.” Shaky hands took out the cellphone, but he threw it down. “HARRY!” 

 “Take me to the physical therapy room?” 

 I looked at his chest. “You’re bleeding. A LOT.” My free arm reached for the tossed phone, but he tugged me back. 

 “No. They’ll write a report. I can’t have a-” he winced, sucking in a breath, and I reached for the phone again. “DON’T. Fucking hell. Don’t call anyone.”

 My eyes racked his frame again, and I immediately applied pressure to his ab area, right where the gash was. He sucked in a breath, unleashing a string of curses I couldn’t hear right now. “Oh my God,” I breathed. 

 “Answer me,” he growled. 

 My mind scrambled for his question… he wanted me to take him to the physical therapy room.  “YES! Yes. I have the- fuck, yes, I know where the keys are.” I looked at him again. What the FUCK.

 “Stop freaking out,” he grunted, but he weakened the next second, his eyes fluttering before coming back to me. 

 “Okay, hold on. Hold onto me. Keep applying pressure.” 

 The physical therapy room wasn’t too far, bits of blood that’d fallen to his shoes marking our path.

 “Why aren’t all the cops here?” 

 “They’re on rotation. The parties... they’llbestationedthere-JESUS.” We paused, letting him catch his breath. But it was shallow. Too shallow. 

 “Can you wait here for a second?” I asked.

 He nodded, resting against a lamp post. 

 I hurried to the lockbox located behind the planter, punching in the code and unlocking it at lightning’s speed. 

 I didn’t know if there were cameras. I didn’t know if this was illegal. 

 I didn’t care.

 We made it through the doors, and he was just about to sit on the table when- 

 “WAIT!” I ran to grab several rags and laid it beneath him before heaving him up. The soft cry he made when sitting down was like a knife through my own chest. 

 I grabbed scissors, cutting his t-shirt. I didn’t have time to linger, I didn’t have time to notice the way his tattoos were completely concealed by a red current. There were two wounds. One, deeper, the other, more shallow. Both in the lower left abdomen, just above a prominent v-line.  

 I wiped around the area, pausing above the gashes. “This is going to sting,” I warned. 

 There wasn’t fear in his eyes. He watched me, and I, him, as I pressed it against the open skin. He trembled, wincing, mouth opening in silent exclamation.  

 “You’re doing good,” I whispered. 

 “So are you,” he gritted out. 

 I swallowed, reaching for the butterfly bandages. But as soon as I did, more blood rushed out. I held a rag to him. “Save your breath. You need it.”

 The thin white bandages seemed too little in the wake of his wound, and just as one bandage was placed, he cringed away, regretting his decision to move almost immediately.

 “Fucking hurts,” he groaned. 

 “Stop moving! I need to close the wound up. You’re bleeding too much.” 

 “Y/N, just take me home. Call Lionel,” he panted. 

 “I’m calling 911 if you don’t let me at least attempt to close this wound because if we leave now you’ll bleed out.” 

 “You’ve done enough, please-”

 “STOP. TALKING. I’ll call him after.” He saw a flame behind my eyes, and quieted, too weak to protest much more anyway. I came closer, and this time he didn’t flinch. The butterfly bandages at least minimally shrunk the open gouges. 

 With no other choice, I left him there alone, running across campus to my car and driving back in less than five minutes. It was illegal to drive through student walkways, let alone drive 60 mph, but there wasn’t a choice. I kept picturing Harry passing out, his limp God-like body, turned mortal, weak, bleeding out all over the training room floor. My foot hit the gas pedal harder. I could’ve been a damn marathon winner/race car driver. Let the cops add “speeding” to the file they already had on me. 

 Once we were both in the car, I looked over at him every two seconds. An entire roll of tight gauze around his abdomen kept the wound from bleeding out, but it was still turning pink. It was the second time blood would have been on my car. 

 Of all the revenge daydreams I’d had, I would’ve settled for Harry seeing me make out with Andre on the dancefloor over THIS. Would he die in my car? Would I be responsible?? I looked at the cheesy Angel pin my mom had given me for my car mirror. Never Fly Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly. Where was my angel now?? 

 “Where are we going?” He asked, between fading in and out.

 “To your house.” 

 His hand grabbed mine on the wheel and I practically swerved into the center divider from shock. 

 “HARRY!” 

 “We need to go to my house,” he said suddenly, panicked, as if I’d told him the opposite. 

 I placed our interlocked hands above the console. A safe distance away from the wheel in case he lurched again. 

 “Don’t worry, we’re going there. We’re going to your house. You’re just in shock, it’s okay,” I cooed, but it was desperate. And it was definitely not okay. 

 “They’ll ask… less..less questions...” 

 His grip was unbearably tight for three long seconds before it relaxed. 

 “Stay with me. Stay awake,” I urged. Harry’s lids kept drooping and I was desperate, blasting the Air Conditioning to an uncomfortable temperature. 

 Lionel picked up on the second ring. 

 “It’s Y/N. I think Harry’s been stabbed-” 

 “What?!” 

 “- I told him we should call the cops, but he was adamant we call you instead.” 

 “Seal the wound with whatever you can-”

 “I did that. Not well, we didn’t have wound sealant- Okay, I’m rambling. I don’t know what to do, but he needs to see a doctor. Immediately.” 

 There was a long pause. 

 “Hello?” my voice wavered. 

 “Bring him to the practice.” The voice over the other line was that of a doctor, matter-of-fact, somber. 

 Hoag Hospital passed me, a nagging thought telling me that’s where we should be going - where there was paperwork, evidence, some legitimate accountability. But I wasn’t his father. I wasn’t responsible. 

 “On my way. I’m getting off the freeway now.” 

 The call ended, and as I looked at Harry, fading dangerously out of consciousness, my hands trembled more from fear than cold. Out of all the reactions, I hadn’t expected this one. The voice on the other line hadn’t seemed surprised at all. 

come talk to me about the chappie or just about how you’re doing! now’s the time to stay connected :) 

[queensgaybeach1d]

Ziam/Larry Proof 2019

Hi Cherry Blossom,

There is a lot of evidence of Larry and Ziam being together in 2019. I would love to show you and that is what I am going to do, love. Let us start with Larry Stylinson first. (Please not that this was sent to me in 2019).

 Larry Proof 1 (2010-present)

Louis has still not denied Larry Stylinson like a regular person would do if it really bothered him. Louis not Harry have ever said ‘’Larry Stylinson is not real’’ or anything along those lines. 

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Larry Proof 2 (October 2019)

Harry supports the biggest Larrie YouTuber Freddieismyqueen by sharing revenue of 3 songs: (Two Ghosts, Sweet Creature, and Medicine) which are used in her Larry videos. So, Harry watched her videos, he liked the videos and then he contacted his team to share revenue. This is an evidence which is impossible to deny or make into something it is not. There are lots of Hamille, Hendall and Haylor videos too, why did he not share revenue with those Youtubers (Since some of you tend to think Harry liked Camille). Why a Larrie video, something he ‘hates.’ If Larry would be over, why would Harry still do something like that, love? Not to mention that her videos absolutely have crossed the line of friendship. Her videos are about Larry, L and H flirting with men, L and H being gay and fake relationships. 

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Larry Proof 3 (September 2019)

Harry followed 28 million Larries. Harry did a following spree and he followed Larries. You can recognize the Larries, because they have a picture of Louis, or Larry as their header pic. You can also recognize them by their bio or name. If they broke up, I am pretty sure this curly headed boy would not do this, pup.

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Larry Proof 4 (May 2019)

Louis quoting a song in which the first word is ‘’Larry.’’ Louis knows we pick those pieces up, he has said it himself. Why would he do this, if he was bothered or if they broke up? He once quoted a song, in 2018 I think, in which the names ‘’Harry’’ and ‘’Larry’’ appeared. One time, is fine but twice is not a coincidence anymore. Why does Louis never quote a song with ‘Eleanor’ in it? Because he dislikes her with a passion. Oh sorry, he did actually in 2014/2015. He basically quoted a message with ‘’The disappearance of Eleanor Rigby’’. Eleanor disappeared indeed, she was not seen for weeks. 

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Larry Proof 5

Harry promoted Louis William Tomlinson-Styles’ songs on Youtube. You need to pay for it to be presented like this. Which means this was planned, love. Louis had done this for Harry too, by the way, but it happened in 2018 or 2017. This does not proof that they are together, it could also be a friendly gesture. I do wonder why he does not do that for Liam, Niall or Zayn. It would be weird to do it for your ex/mortal enemy and not for your friends, you know?

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Larry Proof 6

Louis is smiling and fonding very hard over Harry. It is very weird people think they hate each other. He can act he does not care, but when it comes to Harry that mask always falls off. You can clearly see that Louis is deeply in love. Not to mention that Louis said that Harry’s haircut looks good, he smiles and bites his lip when answering the questions, he says that Harry looks good and he agrees with the interviewer on the fact that Harry looks cute. This does not show them being together, but it does show that Louis still acts like a little teenage boy  squealing over his handsome boyfriend. Why would he do so if they broke up? It would be an embarrassing thing to do. Plus, if they did break up, he would absolutely not be all that happy, giggly and mushy about him. At 2:50. IF Louis and Harry broke up (they did not) Louis would be looking sad and heartbroken when asked the question. Instead, he looks like a giggly mess. 

-Louis says it is a good haircut

-Louis smiles and bites his lips while his eyes smile bright

- Louis says he looks GOOD

I hope this was a good amount of evidence for you, my dear. There are also other good stuff that happened such as: Princess Park and Chicken Stuffed With Mozzarella, but I know from experience that you probably do not consider that actual evidence. Now, over to Ziam Mayne.

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Ziam Proof 1 (december 2019/January 2019)

Herbie Crichlow wrote the song ‘Common’ with Zayn. He keeps retweeting and liking comment from Ziam account. That says a lot. 

Of course you could say that he does that to all fans, but let us take a look the biggest proof of this whole masterpost, I guess:

Herbie retweeted a message about Zayn cuddling/ big spooning Liam. So now the Ziam retweets and likes do not seem that innocent after all. 

Herbie also liked an edit of Ziam. The edit was created in 2018, he liked it in 2019. 

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Ziam proof 2 (July 2019)

Hugo Boss commented the flames under a Ziam account’s post. The caption was #hugoxliampayne with a picture of Zayn. This is very gorgeous and strange, because Hugo Boss chose Liam as their ambassador. Plus, they hardly interact with fans. 

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Ziam Proof 3 

When you click this link: https://www.thegreatfroglondon.com/product-category/jewellery/rings/stone-and-eye-rings/

You can see the rings, I am going to talk about. Zayn and Liam have both the same ring. To the larries; imagine if L and H had the same one, then they would be husbands. This is the same case, which means Z and L are husbands! 

They have similar rings, in the same color; brown. Just like their eyes!!

Now is the question; why would you get matching rings with your best friend if they give their other best friends no rings? Plus, a friendship bracelet is something else. A ring has way more meaning to it. 

Zayns and Liam both buy a lot of rings from that store;

1. Zayn: the one around Zayn’s finger looks a bit rounder, perhaps it is this one:

2. Liam’s skull ring;

Unfortunately this is the end of the post. I may have given you less Ziam proof, that is because Ziam’s proof is quite big and obvious. For example the first one, is undeniable. Louis and Harry have good proofs as well and the revenue thing is undeniable too, but Ziam have one very obvious one. Zayn and Liam both liked a few arts tuff of Ziam accounts, but that could be seen as ‘normal’. That is why I did not add hem to this post. :)

Thank you for reading, asking and waiting. May you have an amazing day!! Stay safe!! XX