#i am now terrified of spiders
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Immediately followed because of your tags about the spider sex. I have pet jumpers and tarantulas and I love learning about arachnids. Based.
Oh man, I appreciate that, but idk how much more factual spider sex content you're gonna get here! You're welcome to stick around for the circus anyway!
#tanco speaks#ask#asks#i really only did the reseach to see what i could bastardize for shifter smut#but insects and arachnids were a special interest of mine growing up i even learned my abcs from a cassette about different bugs#i am now terrified of spiders#no i dont know what happened in my brain either#*terrified of spiders in real life i love watching videos about people and their pet jumpers they're so cute
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i was so brave a couple days ago. there was a baby huntsman spider in my room and i totally didn't fumble trying to catch it 3 entire times while trying to lure it in and out of a box all while screaming and going "whAT THE FUCJ WHAT" whenever it moved even a little bit. in which the reason i was trying to catch it was because it randomly appeared on a box right next to my bed and i knew if i didn't catch it i wouldn't be able to sleep. nope. totally wasn't genuinely frightened by a tiny itty bitty little guy that could literally fit in the palm of my hand 15 times. whaaaat me? scared by a tiny little spider??? psh no wayyyyy man no way
(after i did this i was slightly shaken up and extremely worried there was another much bigger one in my bed and i felt like there were bugs crawling on me until i fell asleep)
#local australian man terrorised by very harmless tiny insectoid creature that is so small it would otherwise be almost unnoticeable#(ok tbf huntsman spiders aren't ''harmless'' per se but they wouldn't bite you unless you really provoked them to. still tho. harmless)#also the spider is ok :)#i captured him in a jar and put him outside and he has now burrowed himself in a potted plant <3#he's actually really adorable but the problem is that i am TERRIFIED of spiders so i was just like#switching from going ''hi little fella you're so cute can you please get in the jar''#to going 'wgAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT'' every time he got scared and moved#this is the closest i have ever gotten to touching a huntsman spider ever#weirdest thing is that i think this spider was in my room before. like i found a baby spider a couple weeks ago and here it is again#i thought it just like. vanished and went somewhere else as spiders do but he was apparently in my room the whole time........#but yeah. i have like. the weirdest inner dilemma with spiders#cause like. i like spiders. but i'm also very scared of them. but they're cute. but they're also very visually distressing.#but they're helpful creatures to keep in your home. but they're also very sneaky and could jumpscare you on accident#and also i don't want to have a spider in my room because what if i don't know that it's there and it gets hurt.....#my room is so messy and i'm so clumsy that i'm afraid i'd hurt the poor thing unknowingly#i love spiders but i also have like 10 layers of fear keeping me from getting close to one#like that encounter was the closest i've gotten to a huntsman spider. apart from the bathroom jumpscare incident#spider#huntsman#huntsman spider#arachnophobia#also update: the big huntsman that was living in the kitchen is back.....#he's ok though he can stay there#he's a good bug catcher and i love him :)#he's very dusty and gangly and strange i love him very much#he scares me sometimes but he is my little buddy
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I wrote a short poem for a disabled spider I met during art history class do u want to read it
Five-Legged Spider on a Sketchbook
Five-legged spider on my sketchbook
How did you get there?
Can’t climb down with five legs
Can’t help, I’m too scared
Can’t draw with you on there
Can’t kill you, you’re just like me
A five-legged spider on a sketchbook
Stuck for the gods to see
#I did eventually maneuver the book so it could make it down to the table#it sat with me for the rest of class. very chill guy#absolutely terrifying of course as I am a recovering arachnophobe but I can’t kill another cripple that’s cripple on cripple violence#it was rocking the classic 4 legs on one side 1 on the other fucking legend#the elevator in that building has been broken for two weeks btw so I’d literally just gotten to class late because I have to rest multiple#times on the staircase every time#spider friend probably has an easier time navigating to the classroom than I do right now#original poem#poetry#tw spiders#cw spiders#spiders#university stuff#art stuff#writing stuff#disability stuff#local queer classicist posts#I’m using cripple in the other tags in a reclamation way as a disabled person btw. probably obvious but just so there’s no confusion
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also fungus gnats or no-see-ums have come indoors while i had the (screened) windows open down here to try to get in a little fresh air, and now I keep getting tiny bugs in my face every so often no matter what room I'm in and idk which they are bc they look so similar so idk how to get rid of them other than just keep trying to kill any that I spot in here and never open the windows again 😭
#this is why i dont open the windows ever despite the fact that I love to get fresh air in down here#and parents scoff at me when i say the reason i keep them closed is bc of bugs#well. they have nice new windows up there lmfao. the ones down here are old and the screens dont fit right and the mesh is slightly too big#so these tiny flies can get in. or little ants. or spiders and weevils and carpet beetles thru the cracks along the screen frame#i appreciate the importance of bugs in the world but i am... so tired of having them in my living space#I've put up with centipedes and earwigs as well as all the aforementioned bugs#i have been kind to them and taken them outdoors as much as i could (except for tiny flies bc. theyre different idk)#but i am just so so so tired of dealing w this all the time fjfkfl#ppl talk abt exposure therapy but I think maybe being constantly exposed to these bugs is giving me new fear of them#i cannot see a weevil outside without having my nervous system act up#i feel like im going to have a breakdown when i see centipedes outside bc it reminds me of all the times I've had to catch them inside#i dont like this :)))))#i am also so close to getting rid of all my houseplants bc im so terrified of having a fungus gnat infestation again#the last time was bc of some potatoes I'd forgotten about in a cupboard. but they also like houseplants. so ummmm#also my isopod terrarium is prime egg laying real estate for them but i taped tea bag material over the openings#so they can't get inside there again lol#idk how to calm down to sleep tonight fjdkl i am so on edge now trying to figure out how to deal w all this#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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I just saw a spider crawl across my ceiling and jump down towards me. I have spent the last 5 minutes looking for it, and it is nowhere, and I really fucking hope it's just a hallucination
#yes i am sobbing in my bathroom in the middle of the night#look. i am almost afraid enough of spiders to have arachnophobia and i have previously been extremely traumatized frpm bugs falling on me#into my hair from the ceiling. it used to happen all the time#and the spider was bigger than a quarter and slowly made its way to me before jumping down#im gonna feel tactile hallucinations for the next while. but i hope this was a visual hallucination because that is less terrifying#than a real decently sized spider jumping at me#is this tumblr poetry? i dont fucking care im so panicked right now who gives a fuck
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does anybody know how to manage arachnophobia? i'm physically shaking, covered in snot and tears, tired, but unable to go to sleep because i don't know where the spider in my room went
#mine#i ran for the vacuum cleaner but the spider was gone when i came back#and oh my fucjing god i cannot possibly go to sleep#i fucking screamed then i WHIMPERED out of fear just trying to step into my fucking room#i thought since i have the vacuum here anyway now i could just vacuum all under and behind my bed even though it's 2am#but i'm terrified of moving my bed#i imagine some kind of a spider nest or eggs there i'm fucking SHAKING man i don't know how to function i literally need therapy i think#this is UNMANAGEABLE i hate being so terrified i'm still crying and there's NO ONE to help me#in fact i must somehow make it without screaming if i find it again#or it finds me#because my roommate will be angry with me#i just called my father shaking and barely able to speak begging him to come to my place tomorrow and buy me some anti spider spray#or else one of those electrical devices#they scare spiders away#but like i said#i??? really mean it when i say i cried and screamed#now i'm just standing here in the cold room dreading the idea of going to bed because I KNOW if they're coming from somewhere it's THERE#jfc#i have to have my father help me#ohhh my fucking god i think i'll puke.#i literally think i need some anti-phobia therapy honestly#i can't wake up my roommate again i can't#godgodgodgodgodgod#what fucking punishment is this i can't move i am frozen to this spot anyway i move it'll be there#i don't fucking know what terrifies me so fucking much They're just little insects but i'm still frozen in spot nauseous and crying
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Fav sea creature from the midnight zone?
NOOOOOO THERES SO MANY COOL ONES YOU CANT MAKE ME CHOOSEEE
Some of my faves are the gulper eel, vampire squid, barreleye, blood comb jellies, the ghost shark aka the chimera shark, dumbo octopus, I think the glass octopus lives in the midnight zone. uhhhhhh theres more but i cant think rn.
Anyways the deep ocean is my favorite part of the ocean I love it its so cool and has so many cool guys. Like tripod fish those fuckers. I love them.
Go visit Monterey Bay Aquarium they have an exhibit on the deep ocean!!!
#red answers#IM SERIOUS GO VISIT MONTEREY RIGHT NOW I FUCKING LOVE IT THERE THEY HAVE ROSA AND YOU CAN PET AN ISOPOD#AND HOLD A HERMIT CRAB!!!!#and the skates there try to swim up the glass to meet you DO NOT PET THEM NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO DO NOT PET THEM#Go on a weekday if possible there are far less schools of people#THEY HAVE A HAMMERHEAD SHARK THERE AND A SEA TURTLE AND OTTERS AND SO MANY SHARKS#IM GOING THERE WEDNESDAY I AM SO EXCITED#monterey bay aquarium my beloved i wanna work there one day#DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE SPIDER CRABS!!?!? THEY DO THEYRE HUGE AND TERRIFYING#also penguins and birds if youre a bird person. the penguins are silly they swim towards the glass#BUT THE ISOPOD. YOU CAN PET IT. GIANT SEA BUG I LOVE YOU#also the otters i love the otters. they have pur queen Rosa. and she loves to spin for you and for people i love her dearly
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spider in room but everyone else is asleep so no one can help me :/ panic time i guess lol
#having scary things in my room is fun because i get to play the game of “which phobia am i MORE scared of: being around lifelong phobia of#mine OR the phobia of leaving my room and risking Being Perceived”#right now it’s the second one :/ which is pretty funny given that every else is fucking ASLEEP so there’s your proof that phobias can be#SUPER irrational lmao#but also my arachnophobia isn’t the worst like I’ll avoid places where spiders were near recently but i can still sometimes watch videos of#them sooo. yay for me lol? this isn’t true for other bugs (yes ik spiders aren’t bugs but my phobias don’t) which sucks for me because the#second most scary one is viewed as beautiful by most people and so many people love them. noooooo thank you. number one most scary aren’t#talked about but idk why they’re super common. and terrifying and OUT TO FUCKING GET ME. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUN *AT* ME#bugs love me. if i think about their existence too much i will have a panic attack. this is not a good relationship.#except for silk moths specifically. Ive never seen one irl and are still a little scared but i have a dnd character who loves them so same#ALSO BEES. I love bees. Not scared at all beyond like a normal reasonable “don’t fuck with them” kinda thing. bees are great i love bees#most of the stingy ones I’m ok with individually actually. i dislike the massive loud swarms of them but on their own they’re cute lol#(also to the bug and/or spider lovers i am not a kill bugs kinda person if this is worded weirdly that is because I’m having a fucking pani#attack please be nice)
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Ah... there's a spider in my shower. i wanted to get rid of it but it wiggled it's little legs at me which looked really cute so anyways that's my child now and it can stay
#Am I becoming the Jarlaxle of Spiders#Oh noez#I swear to Lolth these Drow have changed me#I used to be terrified of spiders#Now look at me
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heaven exists but only for the bugs and animals unjustly killed. everyone else reincarnates into plankton and has to work their way back up.
#i accidentally killed a jumping spider trying to take him outside at work and im going through it#i did save a wolf spider who was missing many legs tho later in the night#i hope the jumping spider forgives me#his last moments must have been so terrifying and i feel so so terrible#im sorry i slid the cup too fast im sorry i scared you only to kill you after#i hope my intentions matter and that you know how much love i have for you in my heart#and i hope i can make it up to you in some way#from now on i will be more careful and i will think of you every time i bring a bug outside#i hope you feel how sorry i am
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i feel Very Weird
#i’m not. sad#i’m…….. mourning? grieving? scared?#i wish i could be a girl and i wish i could be a happy like that#i hate this weird in between state where i don’t fit in on either side#and i really hate having to hide but god i don’t want people to know#i’m scared shitless of my brain and the stupid halfway eating disorder and the paranoia and the hallucinations#i spent yesterday scratching and smacking at my skin because i kept feeling spiders that weren’t there crawl across my arms#one went from behind my ear to on top of my eye. it was awful#and the worst part is that i have to deal with all the random assorted symptoms and i can’t even get help to figure out what’s wrong with me#because how do i go to my parents (the people who are convinced that anxiety and a lack of appetite are the extent of#my mental health problems) and say ‘hi mom hi dad i hear and feel things that aren’t there and i’m paranoid nearly constantly and i have#these awful terrifying episodes where i lose my grip on reality. sorry for not telling you sooner’#i can’t do that#i just. can’t.#and my memory is getting worse and i can’t interact with my favorite genre and it just makes me want to sob my eyes out because i want to be#who i was who never had to think about this shit. i don’t want to be this fucked up disaster of a person that i am now#i’m just so tired#tw vent
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I am the pinnacle of evolution, be it by natural selection or convergent evolution. How can I not be pleased?
Random Animal Generator - Perchance
#I just hope no one eats me#maybe I can be one of those terrifying Japanese spider crabs#I wish to inspire nightmares upon the humans#The murky depths belong to me now suckers#I am the sea
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I think the line between fascination and implicit fear is what you tell yourself lol
#im terrified of the ocean and here i am reading about it beyond belief#i used to be terrified of spiders and now i have a pet tarantula i love dearly i read too much about them when i was little
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november rain |ex-husband!eddie munson x ex-wife!reader|
prompt: after your divorce to eddie, you try to get back out there. but sometimes, nothing beats what you already have.
contains: smut minors dni. mom!reader x dad!eddie. divorced. mentions to past angst/ fighting. mentions of teen pregnancy. oral fem receiving, pinv sex. slightly angsty. asshole date, angsty ending. kinda a bittersweet fic. based off this ask <3
You could hear him before you could see him, speakers shaking from the noise in his car, leaving your ears buzzing at the vibrations. The swelling of your heart rose above the annoyance you tried to feign, rolling your eyes and hoping he didn’t see through it.
“You do realize I live in a subdivision? Neighbors and all?” You crossed your arms, glaring at him before he’d ever climbed out of the car, killing the engine and the music with the pull of his keys.
“Yeah? They don’t like Judas Priest?” Eddie grinned, dimples deep, and you knew under his shades his eyes were bright and wild- the way they always were when they were teasing you. “I have Metallica too. I think I still have that Blondie tape you like in here too somewhere, if they’d prefer that.”
Your heart skipped, lips twitching in a faltering snarl that was slowly turning into a blushing soft smile. “You better not play music that loud when my babies are with you.” You huffed, hands moving to rest on your hips, the denim waistband of your jeans hugging you just right in your Levi’s- Eddie’s favorite pair. You knew it, and you didn’t miss the way his tongue ran over his bottom lip.
“Did you hear me?” You snapped, swallowing a grin. You knew he hadn’t, too distracted. “Eddie, I am serious, you will bust their little ear drums-”
“-I know, sweetheart. C’mon,” Eddie shook his head, pushing his sunglasses up, pinning his curly bangs with them. “They’re my kids too. ‘M not gonna hurt them, you know that.” The sun caught a flash of gold, gleaming just for a moment off his left hand.
Eddie was still wearing his wedding band.
Your stomach sunk at the thought, thumb absentmindedly twisting your bare ring finger. The divorce had been final for months- six, to be exact. You’d stopped wearing yours after the first. It was weird, not wearing the small band and ring you’d worn since high school- since Eddie proposed with shaking hands on your front porch after you found out you were expecting. He’d dropped the ring twice, sweaty and nearly sick with anxiety. Your mother told you that should have been a sign, but you found it endearing then- maybe you did even now.
“Where’s the rugrats anyway?” Eddie hummed, catching your glass door to hold it for you, letting you slip under his arm. You caught a whiff of his cologne, faint from the day, mixed with a cigarette he tried to mask from earlier.
“Jude’s playing in the backyard.” You stepped into the small foyer. Eddie had left it to you in the divorce, saying you were the only reason they got it anyways. There was always an eerie feeling that lingered when he came inside, a haunting reminder of a forever that didn’t quite succeed.
“He’s supposed to be watching Lucy.” You hummed, craning your neck to look out the window in the living room. “They’re hunting for bugs.” Your nose crinkled, leaving Eddie laughing.
“Bug hunting? Oh, they don’t know their Mama is terrified of bugs, huh?” Eddie teased, peeking out of the window to see the two kids, perfect blends of both of your features packed into two tiny beings.
“I’m not terrified. Well, of all the bugs.” You huff, rolling your eyes. “Spiders, yes, and I told Jude those were off limits or I was giving Grandpa Wayne back the bug catching kit.”
“You’re no fun.” Eddie shook his head lightly. “Scared of a little spider?” His fingers tapped playfully in a crawling way up your arm towards your shoulder, leaving you squirming away.
“Stop.”
“God, do you remember- what was it? Junior year? When there was a spider on your desk in Geometry?” Eddie laughed, grabbing his side at the memory. “And you shoved all your books off the desk in the middle of class?”
“Yes, and you and Gareth just laughed at me.” You fought back your own smile at the memory.
“Yes!” Eddie howled in laughter. “And Mr. Browcheski got so fu-sorry- freaking mad at all of us. Did we- That was when we got detention, right?”
“Yes,” You glared at him playfully, crossing your arms. “And I was about to have a nervous breakdown thinking about how I was going to tell my parents.”
“That’s right.” Eddie nodded slowly. “That was your first detention?”
You nodded. “I was a good girl until I met you, Munson. You’re a bad influence.”
“Yeah, can’t be all bad though, right?” Eddie held your gaze, stepping close instinctively. Your breathing hitched, his hand gliding over your hip, fingertips ghosting the bare skin above your waist band. “We had some good times too.”
Your head spun, dizzy with a clouding lapse of judgment. Eddie was pulling you in, hand sliding from your hip to the small of your back, holding you so close you were flush to him. His head was already tilting, ducking towards yours, ready to capture your lips and you’d let him. Of course you’d let him, you’d be lying to say you didn’t miss his kiss- miss him.
Lucy’s high pitched shrill had you faltering, snapping out of the haze, back into a damning reality. “What- Eddie, we-we can’t.” You took a step back, knees a little weak and wobbly from the adrenaline rush that always came with his affection. “We can’t do this.”
“Right,” Eddie swallowed, hands shoving in his pockets, cheeks blooming with a pink heat that burned through his body. “S-Sorry. I just- I got caught up in the moment. Talking about that. I just-”
“-It’s fine.” You muttered, pulling the back door open, a melody of Jude and Lucy’s giggles floating in. “Guys, someone’s here to see you.” You sing-songed in a happy tune, face lighting with exaggerated excitement. You were good like that, Eddie thought, still playing nice for the kids. Maybe it wasn’t playing, Eddie really hoped it wasn’t, though the rational side of his mind (and his friends) begged to differ.
“Daddy!” A duo of squeals and shrieks blended with bounding feet up the wooden steps into the house.
Jude came bounding in first, nearly knocking Eddie over at the knees when his small frame collided with him. “Wo-oah, hey, buddy.” Eddie grinned, tousling the boy’s wild curls, frizzy and matted from playing outside.
“Hi, Dad.” Jude beamed up at Eddie. He’d gotten Eddie’s lashes but your eyes. “We’re catching bugs.”
“I heard. Catch any good ones? Any centipedes?” Eddie grinned, bending down to hug the boy.
“No,” Jude’s face fell slightly in a frown. “But I did catch a ladybug for Lucy!” Jude bounced on his toes with excitement.
Your heart swelled, trying to wrangle the small girl on your hip, passing her off to Eddie- well, passing was generous, she nearly launched off your hip into his arms. “A lady bug?” Eddie repeated in a babble he still used with Lucy. She was still small, in his eyes, though she was growing every single day, she was still his baby.
“Did Bubs get you a ladybug, Lucy?” Eddie bounced her on his hips, tickling her sides so she shrieked with laughter.
“Yeah,” Lucy giggled, leaning back to look at Jude in a limp sort of backbend. “Jude’s gots me a ladybug an-and we found a lot of worms.” She grinned, eyes wide and excited. She got her cadences from Eddie, that was for sure, more exaggerated and dramatic with each passing day.
“Are you going to hunt bugs with us?” Jude asked, pulling on the hem of Eddie’s t-shirt. “Will you? Please?”
“Yeah, of course, I will.” Eddie smiled, shaking his head softly. “Do you have a spare shovel for me? Can you go find the little red one?”
Jude looked at you. “I think it’s in the garage with the basketball.” You nodded towards the garage door. Jude ran off, footsteps heavy, Lucy squirming to get down and chase after him. “But- hey! Put everything back where it goes, Jude Wayne! And do not climb on anything!” You called after him, voice teetering on stern.
“I got it!” Jude called back.
Eddie’s chest puffed in boasting pride, grinning at the boy. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “Hm, wonder who that sounds like?” You said sarcastically, giving Eddie a pointed glare.
“That’s my boy. What can I say?” Eddie grinned, shrugging lightly. You grinned, shaking your head. “So, uh, where’re you going tonight?” Eddie tried not to sound so awkwardly needy, but it came out exactly like that.
“Oh,” You could feel your body stiffen, a warm embarrassed heat creeping up your spine. “I, uh, I- Well, I’m going out.” You paused, fiddling with straightening something on a shelf, anything to avoid his gaze. “I…I have a date tonight.”
Eddie’s heart sank, falling deep into the pit of his stomach. “Oh.” He swallowed the thick lump in his throat. “I, uh, I didn’t know you were… Ya know, um, gettin’ back out there.”
“Well, I- I mean it wasn’t exactly planned.” Your thumb went back to your ring finger, rubbing the bare skin there. You used to twist your ring when you were feeling anxious, a soothing mechanism.
“Lydia at work set me up on a blind date with her cousin. The-The accountant guy.” You cringed at your words, spouting in a word vomit that you couldn’t seem to stop. Your heart was racing, stuttering to a halt and rearing back with every fall of Eddie’s face.
“I-I mean, I just… She’d been asking me since-since,” Since the divorce, the words you couldn’t bring yourself to say. “A-And I figured why not. I mean…” You waved your hand between the two of you, the tension uncomfortable and thick.
“No, no, yeah,” Eddie nodded, swallowing back a burn of emotions he tried to conceal. “No, that’s- you should. Not that- I mean, you don’t need me to tell you that, but,” Eddie took a breath, finally meeting your nervous gaze. “You’ll have a good time.”
“Yeah?” You squeaked, wringing your hands anxiously. Eddie had flashbacks to years before, when you two were a lot younger, your nervous demeanor asking for his reassurance before sneaking onto the football field at midnight.
Eddie’s heart ached at the memory, but he nodded slowly. “Yeah. I mean, he’s lucky to get to go out with you. You’re… You’re the best, you know that.” Eddie reassured you now just like he did then, just like he always did.
“Thank you.” You whispered, turning just as Jude and Lucy came back in, triumphantly waving the red, plastic shovel. “I, um, I’m going to get ready. There’s a frozen pizza in the freezer. I’ll preheat the oven, if you can just stick it in.”
“I got it.” Eddie waved you off, forcing a reassuring smile. “You go get ready. Have fun, sweetheart.” His smile was warm, leaving you burning in excitement. Still, when he left, you were filled with a sinking, nauseating feeling of dread, nerves.
Heidi would tell you that you were co-dependent, that Eddie had made you that way. She never liked him, not in highschool, especially not after the divorce. She was always reminding you that you could do better, that you should do better.
That always sparked a fight, one of the many that you and Eddie had over and over and over. His accusatory tongue lashing accusations at you, your defenses climbing higher and higher, both too stubborn to let it go. You were reminded of the fight that did it- that caused the divorce. Days- no, weeks of back and forth.
“You know, there’s times I wish I would have skipped school that day!” Eddie roared, voice hoarse and scratchy from the screaming match you two had been having. “I was supposed to skip with Gareth, but I fucking went, and you know what? I wish I wouldn’t have! Then we would have never gotten paired up and I wouldn’t be dragged into all this shit with you! I wouldn’t be so miserable all the goddamn time!”
His words rang in your head, stinging just as much then as they did now. You took a breath, that haunting memory was the final push you needed to step into the shower, to get ready, and to try and start something new without Eddie.
“So, Lydia tells me you have a kid.” Matthew asked, swirling his wine around in his glass.
The restaurant was obnoxiously expensive, much more stuffy than what you expected on the first date. You felt terribly underdressed, in a sundress you hadn’t worn in years, fitting a little tighter now since Lucy. Note to self, go dress shopping next time.
“Yeah, I do,” You smiled politely, the tension still a little uncomfortable, unfamiliar. “Jude and Lucy.”
“Oh,” Matthew’s brows raised, tone clipping in shock. “Two?”
“Yeah,” You swallowed back that familiar burning in your chest, the one that always came with judgment. Raised brows and pointed glares, being pregnant in highschool, you thought you’d be used to it by now.
“Uh, how-how old are they?” Matthew asked, fingers tapping nervously on the table. So much tension, and you hadn’t even gotten your food yet.
“Jude is seven, and Lucy just turned four.” You felt your chest boast with pride. Talking about your kids, that could soothe you, it always did.
“Wow,” You weren’t sure how Matthew’s brows could go any higher, but somehow they did. “That’s… I’m sorry, you just, you look really young to have kids that age.”
“I am,” You shrugged sheepishly. “I, um, I had Jude in high school. My senior year.” You tried not to flinch, to steel yourself for the inevitable look- the one that always gave you.
“High school?” Matthew’s tone skittered on a scoff, leaving you burning with embarrassment- with shame. Why’re you embarrassed about it? Best thing that ever happened to me, Eddie would always say, scoffing nonchalantly when you were younger and someone gave you a snarling glace in the supermarket, two teens pushing a baby around in a shopping cart.
“Yeah,” You looked down at your hands under the table. This was what you dreaded, the ‘getting back out there’ phase. You had forgotten how utterly painful it was, worse now than when you were a teen.
“My ex-husband and I got married out of high school.” You continued, trying to break up the uncomfortable silence. “After- Well, before we had Jude, but after I found out I was pregnant.”
“Oh,” Matthew didn’t look at you, looking anywhere but you really. “That’s why you divorced then? Makes sense.”
Your cheeks burned with embarrassment. “No, no, that’s- that’s not why.” It wasn’t entirely true, at least, part of the reason but not the whole reason.
“It’s not?” Matthew raises a brow, scoffing with unimpression before downing the rest of his wine. “Look, I’m not trying to offend you, but I’m not dumb. Pregnant in high school, married the baby daddy because it was the right thing to do, right? And then what? Had another when things got rough to try and save the marriage?”
Your heart dropped, frozen in mortification, fear maybe, in your seat. “I’m right, aren’t I? I mean, it’s a tale as old as time, Sugar.” Your cheeks burned at the nickname. That wasn’t your nickname, not what Eddie called you, and even if he did- it never sounded condescending and mean like it did when it came from Matthew.
“No shame in it, just own up to it.” Matthew scoffed, leaning back in his seat. You felt small sitting across from him, his lips pursed, rolling over your frame with such judgment it made your stomach turn. “Lying on the first date doesn’t seem like the best option.”
“Excuse me,” You swallowed, grabbing your purse with shaky, sweaty palms. “I have to go to the restroom.” You didn’t wait for his response, the sinking feeling in your stomach only worsening with every step towards the door.
The Hideout was only a block away, still standing strong on the outskirts of the newly renovated downtown. You were surprised it hadn’t conformed to the trendy chic wave that was hitting everywhere, but selfishly you were glad it stayed the same. The wooden booths and dollar drafts, just the same as they’d always been.
The corner booth in the back caught your eye, occupied by a young couple- barely legal looking. Probably snuck in here with a fake, buzzing with adrenaline and the thrill that they might be caught, sharing a pitcher. That was you and Eddie, not too long ago. He’d snuck you in on your third or fourth date. You’d never been so nervous, never felt so alive at the same time. A goody-two-shoes, Eddie called you with a sweet grin, sliding you a beer across the table and slipping in next to you in that booth.
Your heart ached at the memory, chest heavy with emotion. Why couldn’t he have just been better? Why couldn’t you just have been better? Why couldn’t both of you be better to each other, for each other?
The heavy weight of regret settled on your chest, mixing with the draining heaviness of the night. You looked at the phone on the wall, digging in your purse for quarters. You couldn’t call Lydia, not after you’d stood up her fix up, left him in the restaurant. Robin was undoubtedly not home on a Friday night.
Sighing, you cradled the phone to your ear, slipping the quarters in the slot, finger jamming the numbers. The line trilled once, twice, your fingers tapping on your crossed arm. By the third ring, you were ready to hang up, give up and call your sister.
“Munson residence,” Eddie’s voice was soft, still with that lilt of playfulness that made your heart swoon. He’d been so excited when you two got the house, when you got your own landline. He’d answered the phone all posh and silly, claiming you two were “high society” now, moving up in the world.
“Eddie,” Your breath shook, chest rattling when you heard his voice, a soothing force after the stress of the night. “It’s me.”
“What’s wrong?” Eddie snapped on the other end, not missing a beat. “What happened? You alright?”
“I’m… I’m at The Hideout.” You cupped your hand over the phone’s end, trying to muffle the loud music. “I just- Can you come get me?”
“I’m on my way.” Eddie didn’t miss a beat.
“Thank you,” You sighed in relief. “But, hey, don’t bring the kids. Please? I told them I was going out with Rob for a night out, and they’ll want to see her.”
“I won’t, sweetheart. They’re asleep anyways.” Eddie muttered. You could hear his keys rattling in the background. “Let me call Wheeler and see if he can pop over to watch them. I think he’s home for the summer. Gimme a few and I’ll be right there.”
“Thank you.” You whispered, nose burning with tears you couldn’t shed- you wouldn’t shed. Not again.
“C’mon, not a problem.” Eddie waved you off gently. “Hang tight, baby. Be there soon.”
You waited until you heard the dial line to hang up. Your heart sunk and fluttered at the same time, head reeling with a tornado of emotions that left you dizzy. Sinking onto an open stool at the end of the bar, you ordered a beer, the same one Eddie had ordered you years before. You didn’t care much for the taste now, your palette had grown and expanded since you were fifteen. But something tonight had you craving it, maybe craving the memory, the feeling that came with the first time you drank it. Chasing down a nostalgia that you didn’t want tainted.
Eddie was there before you could finish your second beer, only a few sips in. He slid into the chair beside you, hand gliding over your shoulder in greeting. He started to lean in, lips moving to brush your cheek, but he stopped himself before he could, waving down the bartender instead.
“So,” Eddie tapped the sticky wood top of the bar. “Bad date?”
“The worst.” You muttered, taking another swig of your beer. “Guy was a total ass.”
“Yeah?” Eddie’s jaw ground tight, flexing with protective anger. “You want me to kill him?”
You snorted, lips curling in a small grin. “No, he’s not worth that.” You hummed, propping your head in your hand. “He was just an asshole. A total fucking asshole.”
“What’d he say?” Eddie bit, hands buzzing, though he tried to play it cool.
“Oh, the usual- teen mom, divorced, so clearly I’m the biggest loser in the world.” You muttered, lip jutting in a pout, looking down at the ring of condensation left behind by your beer.
“He said that?” Eddie snapped, eyes widening in a crazed way you hadn’t seen in a while. “Fucking piece of shit, I’ll beat the dogwalking shit out of him-”
“-No, he didn’t. He didn’t say it like that.” You shook your head, placing a calming hand on his arm. “It was implied. He was… He was just not nice, and I felt like it was getting worse, so I left. Came here instead.”
Eddie nodded, the tension between the two of you a little uncomfortable. The bartender slid him his own beer, saving the two of you from the awkward silence. Eddie took his beer, tilting it toward you with a soft smile.
“That guys a fucking idiot. Doesn’t know what he’s missed out on.” Eddie’s lips were tight in a pain-filled smile he tried to force, but his eyes gave him aways. They always gave him away.
“Thanks.” You muttered, cheeks burning with a tingling heat. “How were the kids tonight?”
“Good.” Eddie nodded, swallowing his drink. “Jude found a centipede. Lucy was not a fan.”
You grinned. “I don’t blame her. You didn’t let him bring it in?”
“No. C’mon,” Eddie scoffed lightly. “No, I made him leave it outside. He wanted to keep it in his bug catcher, but I told him if it was meant to be his, it would stay. So he put it back in the grass.”
“Good. I’ll come looking for you if I see a centipede in the house.” You glared at him playfully. “Did you give them a bath?”
“Dinner, bath, even read them a story.” Eddie smirked at you. “I can be a good dad, sometimes, ya know. Not a total deadbeat all the time.” He teased, shoulder bumping with yours.
Your stomach twisted. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” You muttered, looking back at your beer.
“I was kidding.” Eddie said, setting his beer down. “Hey, I was just kidding. I know you’re just looking out for the munchkins, Mama.”
You swooned under his cooing praise, heart swelling with adoration. “I didn’t- I would never say you’re a bad dad. You’re not a bad dad, Eddie.” You met his gaze. “You’re the best dad to them.”
Eddie’s cheeks pinkened under your praise, chin ducking with a blush. “Thank you,” He whispered, fingers tapping the bar top. “Just a shitty husband then?”
You rolled your eyes lightly. “No,” You clicked your tongue playfully. “Not a shitty husband. Not all the time anyways.”
Eddie grinned, dimples deep, eyes brightening. “You had your good moments.”
“Yeah?” Eddie hummed, leaning in towards you. “Like when?”
You’re body burned, electric tingles shooting to your core. The look in his eyes, squinting just barely, lips pursing, tongue rolling over his teeth- a look you were all too familiar with. You knew better, knew so much better than to let him sway you, to give into your urges.
“Hm, I can think of a few times.” You purred, leaning in closer to him, lashes batting sweetly. “Maybe you could remind me?”
Eddie’s wide grin stood the test of time. The same wild, excited grin he’d give you years ago hadn’t changed, it still left you spinning, abandoning your better judgment, following him with blinders into anything.
“Christ, I fuckin’ missed you.” Eddie moaned, breathy and quiet, lips pressing to yours in fever.
You shuddered under his touch, his fingers circling your clit perfectly, expertly- he was, after all, been with you for so long, he knew exactly how you wanted it. The house was quiet, the drone of the TV on for background noise, hoping the kids wouldn’t wake up.
“Eddie,” You whispered, eyes rolling back, clawing his shoulder at a particularly perfect rub that had you seeing stars. “Fuck, that felt good.”
“Yeah? Feels good. I can always make you feel good, sweetheart.” Eddie muttered, wet smooches trailing down your neck, down your collarbones. “Want me to make you feel better? Keep you feelin’ good? Lemme make you feel good.”
His hands moved, pushing down your dress. Eddie looked, trying to will his mind silent at the sight of your matching, lacy set. It drove Eddie to his knees to see you in it, but his heart dropped knowing you hadn’t picked it to wear it for him.
He shoved the lacy panties down, letting them pool at your ankles, hands sinking on your hips. You wiggled, stilling your hips to keep them from bucking when Eddie kissed your mound, teasing kisses all the way down to your slit.
“Spread your legs f’me.” Eddie’s breath ghosted over your skin, a half grin spreading across his features when you kicked your legs open, arching forward for him.
Eddie’s tongue ran teasingly over your left lip, your right, before licking a long stripe right through your wet folds. In the past, he would have teased you, toyed with you until you whined and begged for him to fuck you. Back when he used to have you whenever he wanted, he’d lived for that, but now, he didn’t have that luxury. He had to make the most of his time now, at your call, at your service.
You bit your fist, trying to swallow back a moan that threatened to tear out of your throat. Your vibrator, tucked away in your sock drawer, could never replace this- replace him. His touch, the rush of endorphins that came from the pleasure he gave you, always eager to please.
Finger raking through his curls, you tugged him further and further into you, hips grinding on his face. “Th-That’s it. That feels good.” You whispered.
Eddie moaned, sending waves of vibrations to your core, knees buckling under the feeling. Your breath caught, head tipping back to silence the moans, ripples of pleasure crashing over you.
“Okay, okay, stop.” You panted, pushing on the top of his head, trying to writhe out of his touch.
Eddie’s face fell in hurt, in fear, scanning your features. He knew it was coming, the inevitable that you’d change your mind, tell him you couldn’t do this. “I-I need you.” His heart leapt at your words. “I just need you right now, please.”
It felt like a dream, having you wrapped around him in every way. Buried inside you, Eddie tried to savor the feeling, really feel you in case this was the last time. Your legs tight around his hips, arms around his shoulders, pulling him into you as he fucked you into the mattress- into the bed that you both shared for so many years.
Your nails clawed down his back, biting at his shoulder to keep yourself quiet, toes curling in pleasure. Eddie’s hand slid between the two of you, circling your clit as he approached his own orgasm. He knew you were close, knew everything about you.
“Fuck, you feel so fuckin’ good. The best, the fuckin’ best, baby.” Eddie whispered, breath hot over your ear, nipping at your ear lobe. Your body shuddered, hips bucking with pleasure.
“Fuckin’ missed you. Missed you- ah.” Eddie whined, nearly cumming when your teeth bit his shoulder, the spark of pain making his slops get sloppier and sloppier.
Eddie’s lips moved to yours, biting your bottom lip, sucking on it while his fingers slid over your clit until you were shaking, flooding over his length. Your grip loosened, melting into the mattress as he finished, drilling into you.
“Fuck, feel so good. Fuckin’ love the way you feel.” Eddie looked down at you, eyes glassy and dazed from your own orgasm, lips bitten from him.
A final pump, a final grunt, and he was spilling inside you, hips still slowly rolling inside you, dropping his face into your neck. You held him tight, muffling his moans into your skin. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Eddie rambled, chest to chest, heaving and clinging to the other.
A feeling settled around the two of you after you broke apart, laying side by side under the sheets, the house still, quiet, filled with a tension you couldn’t quite figure out.
“I’m sorry you had a shitty date.” Eddie muttered, voice a little raspy.
“‘S alright.” You sighed, stretching under the sheets. “Ended pretty good, all things considered.”
“Yeah it did.” Eddie grinned softly. “Missed you.”
Your heart ached, sinking in your chest. “I-I think you just missed having sex.”
“No,” Eddie said firmly, shaking his head. “No, I-I missed you. I missed this, us.” He rolled over, turning towards you.
“Eddie-”
“-No, I just- I’m sorry, and I know I was a dick, and I-I did some things, but, baby, we’re good. We’re so good together.” Eddie whispered, reaching for you. “We’re meant to be together. You know we are. It’s always been us, it’s always supposed to be us.”
“We’re not good together.” You pressed your lips together, shaking your head. “We’re not good for each other.”
“Don’t say that.” Eddie’s eyes shined with hurt, shaking his head. “How-How can you say that-”
“-Because, we’re good now. Right now, but… but then it’ll be just like it was, and we’ll be right back to fighting.” You pressed your palms to your eyes, chest tightening with the post orgasm clarity, the realization of your mistake. You’d never learn your lesson, no matter how many times you’d go through this.
“Baby, we could go back to counseling. I just- We should try. I want to try, I want to be a family again. I want to be better this time. I promise I’ll be better this time, please.” Eddie reached for your hand, pulling them off your eyes. “Please, sweetheart, one more chance? I won’t… I won’t fuck it up.”
You squeezed his hand, body aching, yearning to lean into him. To agree, to nod and let him love on you, love you. To give him another chance, to see him wake up in the bed next to you, back in the house with the kids all the time.
But you couldn’t.
For them. Jude and Lucy had a hard enough time with the divorce, understanding why you two were separating. How did you explain to kids that mommy and daddy were like the weather; good some days, disastrous the other?
“I-I can’t, Eddie.” You whispered, looking at him with eyes shining. “Jude and Lucy…That’s not- This isn’t good for them.” Your breath shuttered, heart breaking in your chest.
Eddie’s own heart was breaking, you could see it on his face. “I just need time. I don’t know.” You admitted, swallowing around the lump in your throat. “But now, I just can’t now.”
Eddie nodded, swallowing around his own heart breaking. “Alright,” He nodded. “Whatever you decide, I’ll… I’ll always support you. I’ll always love you, too. No matter what.”
Your lip wobbled, squeezing his hand tight in yours. “Thank you.” You whispered. “I just need some time, Eddie.”
“I’ve got time. I’ll wait.” Eddie nodded, pressing a kiss to your knuckles gently. “Always here for you.” He pulled you close to him, arms wrapped around your frame, squeezing you tight to his chest.
For a moment, you relaxed, let yourself feel at peace as he held you. Allowed yourself that selfishness in the still of the night. You’d stay like that for a while, until you sent him to the couch. “Things are confusing as it is for them. They don’t need to get their hopes up if they see us in the bed together.” And Eddie would do it, of course he would. He’d do it for you, for them, for the hope that he might one day get his family back to normal. Back to the way it should be.
#oneforthemunny#eddie munson au#eddie munson#divorced!eddie munson#ex-husband!eddie munson#ex husband!eddie munson x ex-wife!reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x reader#eddie x reader#eddie x fem!reader#eddie stranger things#eddie my love <3#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x reader smut#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson stranger things#eddie munson smut#dad!eddie x mom!reader#dad!eddie munson#eddie munson fic#eddie munson fanfic#stranger things 4#stranger things#exhusband!eddie munson#ex husband!eddie munson#ex husband!eddie munson x ex wife!reader
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This would be my One Use Of A Time Machine To Undo Something trip to block him from ever getting bit because my arachnophobia prevents me from playing so many fantasy games that don’t have enough arachnophobia compatibility/mods available
real talk why do so many fantasy universes think giant spiders are necessary
#found ONE for baldur’s gate#turns out it does not affect the spider lady who is apparently a different game model#so now I am terrified of continuing my game
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Imagine Angel Dust questioning you on your sex life with Alastor
Part 2
“C’mon toots, you gotta give me something!”
“I absolutely do not,” you say stubbornly, turning away from the spider demon but he just scooted closer to you on the couch, practically looming over you.
“Pleeeaaase. I can’t figure the guy out. He’s all flamboyant and goofy one minute and then terrifying and menacing the next. How does that translate in bed? Is he a bottom? A switch? A top?” Angel leaned impossibly closer, his voice taking on a more conspiratorial tone. “Does he let you peg him?”
“Angel!” you exclaimed, leaning over the side of the couch to get away, “that is really none of your business! And he would rip your arms off if he heard you asking such things.”
Angel Dust huffed, frustrated, and folded both sets of arms across his chest, practically pouting.
“This is just unfair. I tell you so much about my work, I don’t hold anything back.”
“I wish you would,” you mumbled, recalling the last disturbingly detailed conversation you were forced to listen to. You still shuddered when you thought about your friend participating in “sounding” or “donkey shows.”
“Alright, well you gotta at least tell me this much,” he said, sitting back up and holding two hands up in front of him. “How big is the guy?”
You shook your head, trying to pull out your phone and ignore him.
“This big?” he asked, holding his hands out about 8 inches apart. “Or this big?” His hands got a couple inches farther apart. “Or, I know, he’s gotta be like THIS big, huh?” Angel’s hands were now over a foot apart from each other.
“Oh my God, don’t be gross Angel, that wouldn’t even fit inside of me.”
“Okaaaaaay,” Angel said with a smirk, “so not as big as some of the Hellhounds I gotta take up the ass.”
“Please stop,” you groan, burying your face in your hands.
“Not until you tell me something juicy about your boyfriend.”
“Ugggghh, seriously, fine,” you say, defeated, and Angel sat forward eagerly, “I mean you’ve obviously seen him shape shift into taller forms. So, let’s just say . . . he’s as big as he . . . or I . . . want him to be.”
“Hmmmm,” Angel said, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not a lot to go off of but I think I like your way of thinking. So, like this big then?”
You didn’t even look over to see how far apart Angel’s hands were now.
“What’s the record for how many times he’s made you cum in one night?”
“Angel, you said you would stop!” you yelled, feeling a blush begin to heat up your face.
“A lot huh? Because that, my friend, is the face of a woman who’s lost count,” he said with a knowing smirk.
“I am not dignifying that comment with a response.”
“I’m just sayin,’ I’ve seen you first thing in the mornings. You have the look of a gal who’s well satisfied.”
“Well, I am,” you say, “but that’s all decency will allow me to say. Alastor is a very private man and you should respect that.”
“Decency Schmeecency,” Angel said, throwing himself back into the couch cushions and picking up his own phone, looking bored with the conversation now. “This is Hell, there’s no such thing.”
Relieved he seemed to be dropping the subject, you pick up your own phone and enjoy a couple minutes of silence to scroll through your Sinstagram feed.
“Oh fuck me!” Angel exclaimed, startling you and making you drop your phone.
“What?!”
“That guy has got tentacles!”
There was no stopping the rush of blood to your face then . . . or the little smirk you just couldn’t seem to stop, though you did try and look away.
“Ooooooooh, oh doll face, you can’t hide that look from me,” Angel said, practically crawling over the couch to invade your space once again, “he has totally used those on you, hasn’t he?”
You turned to look at Angel, another retort about privacy ready on your tongue, but your eyes widen in horror as you see two shadowy tendrils raising up behind your friend’s back.
Angel registered the look on your face and sat back an inch.
“Wha-“
The tentacles grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him back to his side of the couch, and holding him down.
“I believe the lady said something about decency,” Alastor’s staticky voice said from somewhere behind the couch and then his shadow rose up from the ground before solidifying into the full glory of his demonic form. His body unnaturally long, antlers spread out wide, he towered over the spider demon he had pinned to the sofa.
“S-s-sorry man,” Angel said with a loud gulp, “I was just kidding around, you know,” he tried to chuckle nervously. “I-it was just girl talk.”
“Alastor,” you said, unbothered by your lover’s terrifying demonic appearance, “let him go. He’s harmless.”
“Hmmm,” Alastor said, tilting his head, eyes glowing brighter as he put on a show of considering the prey he had trapped in his tentacles. “Fine.”
Alastor dropped the tentacles from around Angel and within a blink of an eye, was back to his usual form, straightening his bow tie and brushing off the sleeves of his jacket.
“Ready for our lunch date?” you said, bouncing up off the couch and coming to stand by Alastor, who smiled down at you and looped an arm through yours.
“Sounds lovely, darling,” he replied, guiding the two of you around the back of the couch and towards the front of the lobby. “I’m positively starving.”
At the word “starving,” Alastor leaned over the couch, his glowing, toothy expression letting Angel know just how close he had come to being the cannibal’s lunch.
Angel sank deeper into the couch cushions in submission, eyes wide and fixed on Alastor, as the two of you headed for the front doors.
Alastor opened the door, but you paused after stepping through, grabbing the handle and shooting your friend a mischievous smile and wiggling your eyebrows in a suggestive manner at him. It was your own way of confirming his last line of questioning before Alastor had interrupted. You watched Angel’s jaw drop open and then closed the door, leaving him to his imagination.
Husk, who had been silently watching the entire thing from his place at the bar, began laughing.
“Yeah, he totally fucks her with those things,” he said, before taking a swig from his beer bottle. “Did you see the way she looked at them? She was almost jealous when he had you pinned to the sofa.”
“Jesus Christ,” Angel said, still panting a little. “Yeah, I don’t blame her. That was hot as fuck.”
#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#alastor x reader#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor fanfiction#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin angel dust#angel dust x reader#alastor x you#alastor imagine
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