#i am now ready to go back to bed
Text
mmm morning wood (*♡∀♡)
#i cannot touch bcoz i am sick sick#but#tis still yummy to see#hehehe#i am now ready to go back to bed#chest hurts v much#i am Not about it#grrrrrr >:(#cannot lie tho now i’m thinking abt dabi morning wood waaaah yum :((#ajax too bcoz yes#i’m on an ajax kick lately#idk idk#i have a good ajax ask on my genshin blog but i feel too sick to answer it LMAO#all i can do is babble nonsensically#it’s good for writing people high on ecstasy tho#which is what i’m doing currently#so at least there’s that lol#have a good day!#clari chatters
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
aabria going, "as aimee who maybe wants to have a friend sit by you soon" is going to haunt me for the next two weeks. i can already tell.
#critical role#critical role campaign 3#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#what does that MEAN. who else do they have sitting in the back room pretending they don't exist. who now has to come back later#WHAT IF ITS ZERXUS#(guy who only knows one fictional character voice)#my points to back this up are: 1. apparently we're doing a betrayer god thing so probably would be a betrayer god pc showing up#2. he's the only other champion of a betrayer god pc we know. there could ofc be a new one but i'm insane like that#would it probably actually be a spider queen person? oh yeah probably. but WHAT IF#of all the episodes for me to pick up cr again (god i hope not i need to have a sleep schedule) after having watched calamity recently#i was so ready to go to bed like an hour later than usual and then aabria said 'you maybe want someone with you on your side of the table?'#and i live watching this yt stream now. or rather. in 2 weeks#thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am the conspiracy board meme
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
guess whose officially college enrolled
૮꒰ྀི ´∩∩` ꒱ྀིა
#i just spent 2 hours doing placements tests my head hurtttssd#but i’m really proud of myself for how far i’ve come#at this time last year i couldn’t even leave my bed for weeks#from how heartbroken i was#and now im going back to school have steady employment and am getting ready to move to another country#my life is finally starting#and though i get sad a lot when i think of what could’ve been#i’m not going to give up#૮₍˃̵֊ ˂̵ ₎ა
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#just had to back out on going to a family event because i felt so ugly even after doing my makeup and hair#so now i’m just laying in bed wishing i could look like any one else!#i am so tired y’all#i feel so ridiculous trying to get ready bc it feels like lipstick on a pig#blah sorry!#robyn rambles
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad#i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over#and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away#i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine#but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing#right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it#i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever#i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol#every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone#when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad#i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like#it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to#i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time#i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good#i don’t know why anyone keeps me around#sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person#the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable#i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all#i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself#like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time#i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day#and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess#it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better#sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
on the first day of september i encountered a ghost in my home is this an omen
#im being v fr#my parents' room door has become difficult to open since a few mos ago now it takes a lot of jiggling and turning the knob#so basically u know when someone is trying to enter or leave and it's right next to my room right and i can hear everything#so i get up early to use the bathroom and as i'm getting into the hallway i hear their door handle being struggled w#so im like oh i guess ma's gotta go to the bathroom too#so it stops and i wait a second so i can know which bath she's gonna go to so i can go to the other one#but the door stays closed and no one comes out#so im like oh she must be going b a c k even tho i would definitely have heard her walking back to her room before then if that was the cas#so i go in and check on her jic bcus if she's awake she wouldn't have even gotten settled back in bed by the time i opened the door#and what's this ? the woman is snoring facing away from me deep sleep cozy in bed like she's been there for hours#so im just like wtf and ziggy's perked up in his bed like he would be if he were ready to get up and greet her#and im like. im too tired for this so i do my biz and go back to bed#bcus what am i gonna do abt some freak ghost trying to open doors at 7am who does that u kno#it's the most innocuous shit
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
😓
#I hate mornings so much#I just feel so overwhelmed on what I have to do#I don’t even want to get out of bed#I miss when I could wake and bake#just wake up and have a bowl ready for the morning and smoke and calm down#kinda get my head straight on what I wanna do for the day#now I’m just like#??????????#I have to do this and this and that and this and fuck off#need to eat something but that even sounds like a lot#could go out and smoke but I have one nug left and idk when I can pick up again#sooooooooooo#here I am#laying in bed#not sure what to do#could go back to bed but I know for a fact I’ll wake up with a migraine cause I’m already getting a headache#UGHHHHH#why is everything so fucking hard right now#anyway if anyone has read this far of me bitching#check out my Etsy shop 🥺#it’s on sale right now and it’s the only ‘income’ I have at the moment#shut up rosie
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
speak now tv tonight im so sorry ab who i will become
#i just woke up and i was ab to go back to bed and tell myself I'd do laundry later and i probably will do it later to be fair#but i now realize i need to make sure i am home and ready when it comes out#kurt and speak now lyrics post within the day probably
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
wooow it's my favourite part of the game
#i am obligated to complain every time i get to this bit#but hey i did in your heart shall burn#i worked out some decent gear for fighting mages#the hardest part of the quest was saving lysette and threnn tbh. they die quickly on nightmare#but omg im respeccing every time the general enemy type changes (and sometimes for specific fights)--#and i had all cold damage and fire resistance stuff for the mages. and then the rift fight here has despair demons fml#ive gone and got back all my generic abilities now. ready for anything!#well..not really. one of the mechanical changes i like the LEAST in this game is that you cant change gear during battle#i know it's because you can make pretty much any gear you want so it'd make things too easy probably?#but it's terrible for playing solo because i can just get stuck with a staff that can only deal 1 damage per hit to a resistant enemy#like i carry staves of all elements but i dont know what i cant use until i cant use it yknow#but anyway. time to get to skyhold and then probably go to bed#personal#da#dai#i'll be real: i didnt expect this run to get very far. so. yay!#but now im 25 hours in so if it gets to a point where i cant progress im gonna be VERY disappointed#but i can see myself finishing it. it's not guaranteed by any means but it seems doable rn
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
We're leaving Saturday morning, I just took basically all of my clothes out of my closet and piled them near my suitcase so we know what I'm taking, and seeing my closet all empty (except for all the stuff I never wear I'm not taking with me) is like. Oh my god I'm leaving and I'm not coming back for months. Every time I leave for holidays I think "oh I should take this and this and this and this juust in case, yeah it's just a week but what if I really need my thick socks in the middle of summer?" before I restrain myself and just take three t-shirts, but now that I have the opportunity to pack literally everything in there, it feels wrong. I should not actually be packing up every piece of clothing I still wear. The clothes that stay at home are proof that I'm coming back, if I take them with me too there's no reason for me to go back!
#which is silly cause i'm not taking everything#it feels a little like that but i'm leaving most of my stuff really#some plushies my books my potteries my desk my pc my bedding some toiletries and probably more#i'm nit actually moving out for real#it's just for a year#and i'm coming back for christmas!#we haven't booked tickets yet or anything cause it's too far away but i have holidays then#and i'm not ready for my first christmas without my parents yet y'know#if i could make reality bend to my whims like i'm the player in the sims controlling the little pixel guys' lives#i would live like 15 minutes away from my parents and all my friends#easy to go even by foot if there's spme kind of emergency (real or just I Need To Eat Candy With My Bestie Right Now)#but still separate#but easy to go for literally anything. birthdays and christmas and my mom's paella and impromptu trilogy marathons#that'd be great#if i were rich i would buy a whole apartment building and i would offer a flat to everyone i like for cheap#and life would be beautiful#anyway. SATURDAY!!!! Saturday Holy Fucking Shit I Am So Stressed And It's Going To Get Worse#wow i have a ramble tag now#england adventures
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i sometimes think that in spite of my mental stuff i have a very good handle on myself and especially my impulsivity and then i look at how i consume media
#marzi speaks#for the past few months i have looked at nothing new. none of the things i love took up a huge space in my mind#earlier this week i decided i was gonna start listening to wtnv again#i also decided i was finally ready to watch qsmp#so i am now doing both. at the same time#my desire to create has come back with a vengeance as well. i do not normally make 2 pieces in a week#and now i’m brainstorming on a 3rd!#my strat has been watch as much qsmp as possible while doodling to maintain attention span#then work on whatever art i want to make and use wtnv as background noise#i have gone from Nothing to Turbo mode#why? i legit think it’s the anxiety. also maybe the adhd i still think i might have#i’ve been busy all summer and thinking abt college bc i move out in like 7 days#so i haven’t had brain capacity for this stuff#now though? with it so close? i’m antsy#i’m restless constantly. i don’t even wanna go to bed i wanna Do Something (nothing to do)#so i’m giving my brain as much to chew on as physically possible so it can not panic about a maior milestone in my life lmao#it’s working! it’s enough for my brain to juggle so i don’t get bored and start Thinking too much#but damn. funny how this little mind works#sometimes i do not feel fully in control lmao. i usually do but sometimes#escapism. my true vice <3. i could never hate you but damn. like damn dude
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
well fuck I almost had a rental car update for you tonight, a fun continuation of that excerpt from nat's opening chapter that I posted last time, but then tumblr glitched out before I could save all my typing and I can't be bothered doing it again tonight because I'm exhausted and that sucks because I want attention <3 lol <3
#yeah anyway LMAO#i was all ready to dip my toes back into doing updates since i'm over my post-camp-nano burnout but. nope <3#youre not getting words tonight#and no i don't just post excerpts for validation but i am sustained by nice tags on my stuff and they fuel me for weeks#n i wanted a lil kick of good vibes lol#am a tired tired tired boy this week eagh#i need energy and i will take what I can get (nice words) (even a thumbs up) (a little smiley face) (i'm going to bed)#anyway this post is joking but im actually devo that i lost my drafted post#not that i can't just retype it but y'knowwwwwww. uhggghghgh#now i have to do it overrrrrrrrr#and i was about to post itttttttt
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
can't fucking believe vent is still down. where else am i gonna yell about being ill
#anyway it is Day Two and. i feel better in some ways but worse in others#had the worlds most disrupted night of sleep and now i'm coughing a lot more than yesterday and it sucks#but my throat feels less sore for sure. feels like my body is fighting this thing off super hard 💪💪💪💪 shame about the full body aching#and overall lack of energy. ooouugghhh and the lost voice of course. but this always fucking happens#i'm gonna have to pass on games night tonight if i'm still coughing a lot and/or still missing my voice#but aaaauugghhh the love of my friends will surely heal me like nothing else. unless they make me laugh and send me into a coughing fit#rambling#my god yeah thats one of the worst parts of being ill. cant watch anything that makes me laugh. im fucking dying of boredom here#sure there's other stuff to watch but no funnies and no video games when that's all i want rn. havent watched any more flapjack in DAYS#it's nowhere near as bad as covid so this is entirely unnecessary but i am once again getting thr urge to document my symptoms#with a god damn spreadsheet. but it's not as complex at all so eh.#i can't say too much about how much better i'm feeling just yet tbh bc i'm still back in bed hfkdhgkdh i can walk sure#but i need to go downstairs and make breakfast soon which is the REAL first hurdle#also the question of am i ready for toast again or do i need to stick to porridge just to be safe#not gonna lie. i didn't love the noodles i had yesterday so i'm wondering if i'll have the appetite for something else#i want a sandwich so fucking bad but i don't want to eat dry bread at the same time. aaauuggghhh#my sibling offered me a hot chocolate last night and i had to turn that down bc chocolate plus cold for me is a big no#but aaauugghhh a nice warm drink probably would’ve been rlly nice#i return once again to announce that got damn! i feel notivesbly better than i didn an hour ago and my voice is like 30% back!#which means that by tonight i might very well be at a functional enough level to hang out with friends after all#i can always dip if my energy levels tank again or whatever but like honestly hanging out with them is like. i need that#the last two days havent been great and i miss them and we have a lot to talk about so yeah i will do everything in my power#to be there tonight. but i will not force myself or push myself too far. bc i am the king of self care 💪💪💪#god sorry back again but. it continues to fascinate me how any kind of illness affects me in the same ways consistently regardless of what#kind of illness it is??? right now i have whats mainly a cough which is honestly rare for me when i get ill#it's usually more in the nose department and sometimes the throat but rarely the chest#and yet 9 out of 10 times i lose my voice. i Always struggle with low energy (altho thats a problem outside of being ill too jfdjgdhfhd)#have a hard time falling or staying asleep and i get nauseous if i sleep laying down enough#but also i am the king of hard and fast aka i get like 24 terrible hours and then recovery is super quick. i'll be back to 100% health in#less than a week. my poor fucking step dad has been in stage one for a WEEK it's really awful. but i have the power of youth on my side 💪
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
gemstone-art
create to live, not live to create
philomelia1
BROKEN BIRD;
phillyrastro
Untitled
oneleggirls
The most beautiful girls just have 1 leg!
gemmasawruslive
Gemmasawrus ~