#it’s good for writing people high on ecstasy tho

[inkykeiji]

mmm morning wood (*♡∀♡)

[blue-bird-kny]

Hi! I would like to request a Zenitsu X Fem Reader please, I hope your ok writing for Zenitsu again, if not that's completely fine :3 But if you do consider this, could I request a Scenario, Perhaps, like, Zenitsu and the reader have been dating for a few months, they have exchanged a few kisses here and there but never anything frisky,so the Reader makes it her mission too get zenitsu all blushey by giving him heated kisses (Nothing too extreme if your uncomfortable tho, Hope this makes sense)

Thank you so much for your request! It’s always been on my mind since it was requested because it’s so outside my normal, comfort zone. Okay buckle up people because this is something I've never seriously written nor published, so please bare with me. Enjoy~Amanda

P.S- I’d like to take this moment to personally thank you, I always see you on my notifs and your support is much appreciated!

Warning: Sexual Themes, Riding, Blow jobs, NSFW

( 1.6k words)

“Let’s Do Something New”

You sat across from your boyfriend, absentmindedly pushing around the grains of rice that rest untouched in your bowl. Quietly, you observed the small quirks his face made as he ate and spoke, committing all the small movements to memory. “What am I doing? It's not like he’s a stranger, you can just talk to him” except you really couldn’t.

There was never really a good way or time to walk up to the person you’re with and be like “Hey I like you, please touch me”, just the idea made your stomach churn with embarrassment. You were a woman with needs though and you wanted nothing more than to have all your delicious fantasies fulfilled by the one you love. You weren’t completely driven by sex, but you longed to have Zenitsu give you some sort of special attention.

Whenever things get a little too sensual, too romantic, too heated, Zenitsu always pulls away, leaving all your pent up excitement to go to waste. Tonight would be different; tonight you were taking this boy down, it was his turn to be all riled up. Luckily, you knew your beloved well enough to know exactly how to get him to that point.

“Y/N-chan what's wrong? You haven’t eaten anything” Zenitsu's concerned voice invaded your personal world, innocent eyes peering into your own. Your smile hid your dark intentions as you spoke to the unknowing boy in front of you, “Not a thing my love”. God how you wanted to take that innocence for your own use. 

You excused yourself from dinner early to prepare for tonight's endeavours. You freshened up, tousling your hair and switching to a pair of flimsy, thinner clothing. You knew you had to act quickly, the minute you left the dinner table Zenitsu would be hot on your heels. Almost like clockwork, Zenitsu’s quiet knock could be heard from the other side of the door. Show time

“Come in”

“Hello Y/N….” his cheery greeting died as he took in your appearance. The outfit you wore was much shorter than what you usually wore, and thinner to, the small perks of your hard nipples becoming painfully obvious to the poor boy. Zenitsu gulped as you strutted his way, his eyes unable to look anywhere but you captivating orbs. 

“Zeni, why won't you come lay down with me? I promise I’ll be good” your sultry voice spoke into his ear, hands trailing down his exposed arms, placing the slightest amount of pressure on your nails. This was out of your usual character but if it drew Zenitsu into the palm of your hand it was worth it. He could only hum in response, the words stolen from his tongue, as you pulled his helpless body toward the bed. “Sit” you commanded gently, Zenitsu obliged thoughtlessly.

You trapped the boy between your thighs as you straddled his hips. You smirked as you admired the boy who sat beneath you; his cheeks had taken a permanent rosy color, his pupils blown and his breath already unsteady, all from a few light touches. You couldn't help but slightly quiver at the sight, “Will you let me touch you Zeni, just a little?” you continued to languidly trace the curve of his jawline with the tips of your nails, working your way over his bottom lip.

For a brief moment, you forgot your motives as your heart melted; it was obvious how badly he wanted this yet he still held back “Why are so cute?”. 

“C’mon Zeni, let’s have some fun” you ground your hips against his, slowly so that he felt every second of it. That was all it took for the last bits of his resolve to shatter, leaving behind pure lust. “Okay” was all he mumbled, that was all you needed. You devoured his trembling lips, your tongue exploring his foreign wet cavern. He groaned at the feel of your tongue against his, his little noises edging you on. He gasped in surprise as you sucked on his tongue, coiling your warm appendage around his.

You pushed off his slouched form, growling at the sight before you. Zenitsu’s chest was heaving as he caught his breath, his swollen lips were now a tempting cherry red and a small line of drool slipped past his parted pair; Breathtaking. You rolled yourself against his hips again, rougher this time, relishing in the way his hardness rubbed against your heat. Leaning forward, you spoke into Zenitsu’s ear “Don’t be shy, I know you wanna touch me too”. His hands shook nervously, but he couldn’t help himself. 

Hesitantly, Zenitsu shifted to your fleshy ass, slightly squeezing the cheeks in his strong hands.  A moan left your lips vibrating against the juncture of his neck where you’d been suckling. He shuddered at the sound, continuing to play with the jiggle of your ass checks. The effect he had on you was intoxicating, a new sense of confidence drove him.

“Please touch my boobs” usually you’d be embarrassed at the words you were speaking, but you’ve been so desperate for your lover’s touch you didn’t care; there was no room for restraint. You slipped your night dress over your head, leaving you only in a pair of panties, giving him better access to your bare breast. He stared in wonder as he watched the way your breast bounced, he was determined to hear your beautiful sounds again.

He took one in each palm, softly kneading your tender breast. You tossed your head back in pleasure, closing your eyes at the sensation of his rough skin against you. Zenitsu swiped his thumb over your hard nipple, a shock of pleasure coursing through your body. A loud moan slipped past your lips, overwhelming his ears; he’d have those sweet nosies engraved in his memory.

“You’ve become such a tease Y/N-chan, you're driving me crazy with those sweet sounds” his husky voice drove your cunt to tighten around nothing. It was your turn to become speechless as his hand snaked around your waist, bringing your chest closer to his awaiting mouth. You choked as your mound was engulfed by his hot, wet mouth, his tongue working fervently on your nipple. “Zenitsu” you breathed out, your finger gripping his shoulder for support. His tongue switched between each boob, swirling around your small bud, sucking and tugging against it torturously.

You were a wet, helpless mess at the mercy of his mouth,  your hips grinding harder and faster on to his desperate for any sort of friction. “Please Zenitsu I need more, please let me feel you inside me” you pleaded, you were going insane at the slow pace Zenitsu had fallen into. “ Y/N-chan are you sure…”  you grabbed his chin, focing his eyes to stare into yours, “Zenitsu I’m sure, I trust you”

He untied his robe, sliding the short sleeves down his toned arms, his sculpted chest left on full display for your hungry eyes. You traced the bulge that was stretching the fabric of his boxers, he shuddered at the touch. “Y/N-chan please get to it, I won’t be able to handle anymore teasing” he was desperate at this point. With a smirk, you pulled down the pesky piece of clothing. Zenitsu wasn’t too thick, his dick was thinner but he made up for it in his length. You droold at the prospect that he’d be inside you, your finger collecting some of the leaking precum from the tip. You brought the finger to your lips, Zenitsu was mesmerized as you brought the finger into your mouth, your tongue collecting his salty taste. Zenitsu moaned loudly, you almost feared the others had heard.

You slipped your panties to the side, aligning his cock with your entrance. Inch by Inch his member disappeared between your slick folds, you winced in pain as you adjusted to his size, waiting for the pain to subdue before you began moving. You bounced on his dick, bottoming out before taking him whole again. Zenitsu laid his head against the wall watching with lidded eyes at the way your breast bounced with each thrust, the way your face contorted in pleasure, the sinful noises that rolled off your tongue for anyone to hear. “Zenitsu I’m gonna cum soon..” you mewled shifting your angle so that each thrust pounded into that special spot inside you. You yelled in ecstasy as you came, riding out your high while your cunt clasped onto the cock buried inside you, your juices dripping down onto the sheets.

“Y/n please” you knew he was close too and he didn't want to cum inside. You pulled yourself off his dick, your juices glistening on his cock. Your knees dug into the hard ground as you eagerly wrapped your lips  around his red tip, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as the taste of your slick and his bitter precum mingled together on your tongue. It only took a few fierce bobs of your head to have Zenitsu come apart in shambles, you made eye contact as you swallowed every last drop of his seed, the warm, milky liquid going down smoothly.

You both were exhausted, sheen layers of sweat covered your bodies. The room, that was filled with the sounds of desire and want moments ago, was now silent, only deep breathing could be heard. Your naked body nuzzled closer to your boyfriends, who stared wide-eyed at the ceiling with crimson cheeks. “Get off the covers Zeni, I’m cold and tired” you murmured.

 “Shouldn’t we..” 

“Shhhh, we’ll wake up early to clean up”

Bonus!

“You guys hear all those noises last night? It was like there were animals inside the house” Tanjro questioned. Zenitsu’s cheeks immediately reddened as he opened his mouth, you placed your hand on his thigh to silence him before he could say anything, “Nope we didn’t hear a thing” you smiled kindly. Zenitsu shook his head vigorously in agreement, although he was so nervous he wasn’t entirely sure what he was agreeing to.

Main Masterlist

Well that was definitely different from the content I usually post, but I’m satisfied! Maybe we’ll be seeing more smut on my page, who knows ;) Anyways I hope you all enjoyed it, thank you~Amanda 

[puppy-phum]

thank you for tagging me @ashenwren ♥ 

Rules: Tag 9 people who you want to know better/catch up with and then answer these questions.

i’ve actually done this (or something similar) once before so i won’t tag anyone but it’s fun to do this again ^^ maybe i’ll tell you something new!

3 SHIPS:

Pingxie (i am not moving on from this for a little while. there is just so much hearbreak and softness in them and. i feel like drowning)

Weilan (i really have discovered them again after a year of absence. i don’t know what to do with these feelings tbh)

any BTS ship, honestly. i can’t pick one that would occupy my mind all the time. i have so much to write for everybody. my head (and heart) is full. 

LAST SONG I LISTENED TO:

beauty is not a need, she is an ecstasy [respirate] by Crywolf and Charity Vance x (Crywolf is one of my favorite artists ever. this song is a newer one but absolutely breathtaking. it has accompanied me while i’ve written both xicheng and wangxian)

CURRENTLY WATCHING:

i just finished my DMBJ marathon where i basically binged all of the dramas available for this fandom (The Mystic Nine, TLT 1 & 2, Tomb of the Sea) so i am currently having a short break :’D i am still rewatching Guardian tho. and i wish to return to my rewatch of The Untamed! and maybe rewatch The Lost Tomb Reboot too :’D also, i just started watching this new BL drama called Manner of Death. it seems... good enough, i think? very different at least. i don’t have high expectations but it’s interesting to see where this goes. 

[struwwelzeter]

Thank you these were so interesting 🖤

Du reicht so gut; tell an interesting fact

Hieroglyphs are a syllable. Lots of people don’t know this, and it’s a pet peeve of mine. There’s this meme going around like “look at all these emojis we’re back to using hieroglyphs” - no we aren’t. Hieroglyphs encode sounds, namely syllables, not entire words or feelings. They’re not a picture story, they’re fancy looking letters and there is a shorthand used by the egyptian bureaucrats that looks alot more like want we think of as writing. Speaking of which: people that bash emojis are not be trusted. We’ve changed from writing in elaborate sentences to what is essentially transcribed conversation in chats, and emojis add something to the conversation that can avoid misunderstanding and are therefore very useful. She says and doesn’t use a single emoji. Anyway.

Nebel; Describe your favorite fantasy

I’m not sure I understand. Regarding what. Is this asking me what I daydream about? Holding a celebrated talk at a conference in my field would be pretty high up. House by the see. Marry a Rockstar. Not really because I don’t buy into marriage as an idea, but I’ll settle for being the one they write songs about. Almost happend once and then it didn’t - he didn’t get to be a rockstar either tho so it probably just wasn’t to be. Other than that, Dragons are really cool. Are we still trying to come up with radically different ways to organise societies, because I would be up for building a new utopia. I hope this covers most of it.

Te quiero puta!; Sluttiest thing you’ve done

I like to tell myself I’m a very non-slutty person, and genuinly am I think ever since then, but I cheated on my first long term boyfriend. I was telling myself I was just waiting for a less devastating moment to tell him, and I was actually deeply in love with the dude I did it with, but uhm, low point. He did find out eventually, after we broke up. He was mad for a bit and then asked me to be his best man at his wedding. We’re still best friends. I got lucky like that.

Ich tu Dir Weh; Describe your best concert memory

Oh I can’t decide. But 3teeth in february was really special. I might over idealize it now because it was the last band I saw before the pandemic, but it was also just genuinly so good. I don’t know if this was by accident or by design, but it was so dark you just couldn’t take pictures so everybody just left their smartphones away, and it did the whole experience wonders. I haven’t gotten this lost in the ecstasy since 2005 I think and I believe everybody there felt that. I was hurting all over the next day, couldn’t remember a thing but I remember it was the best time I had in years. If I could, I’d ban smartphones from concerts. It’s a concervative dick take, but honestly - just look at any 90s/early 2000s gig footage and tell me I’m wrong.

Was Ich leibe; Two things you love

Graphic Design and Music.

Diamant; weirdest thing about you

I don’t know. I generally take it as a compliment when people say I’m weird, so maybe that. I think the reason I’m often considered to be weird tho is that I’m very empathetic and empathize with so many people I usually don’t take sides, which is something most people don’t like, because I guess they can’t be quite sure of my ... allegiance maybe? and I understand why, but yeah. Maybe that idk.

[mumudesuyo]

can I ask these questions for more than one ship? If so 7, 4, 26, 38 and 41 for Jun x Evan and Murcielago x Nevra

Ofcourse you can ^0^ Im just happy to get any at all !I should probably start posting about my girls personalities soon so you guys can get to know them properly

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Murcielago: Although the moment was brief, she was defitnitely charmed by him and his looks didn’t go unnoticed - but no, it wasn’t love at first sight. He seemed like a creep due to his flirty nature, but as they got to know each other she realized thats not all he was.Nevra: When they bumped into each other in the hallway, he noticed her unique looks first of all and he automatically did his thing. He was a bit taken aback when she pushed him away and ran off. Rarely being rejected by girls, this was still a new thing to him so already then she had caught his attention - more so when he wondered who she was since he had never seen her before.

(So far my story goes that Jun and Evan met when Candy and co. was at the club to confront the guys)

Jun: She had seen him when he had entered the club and thought of him as extremely attractive, but when she saw how he acted, she was not impressed. His behaviour was unacceptable and she felt embarrassed that he was one of her peers (she also went to military school, story to come some day). If he was gonna act like a child, she was gonna treat him like one too. And as a fellow adult she was outraged by the fact that he brought kids into such a place. Evan: He was instantly attracted to her and she immediatly peaked his insterest - even more so as he got to know her character and her strengths. It was sorta like love at first sight, except he didnt acknowledge it at first. When she lashed out at him he found himself speechless for once. She didn’t back down and he liked that.

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

Murcielago: The narcissim can be too much somtimes. Its good to be confident, but he can really be too much. But then again, it wouldn’t be Nevra otherwise.

Nevra: She’s too caring towards others - going really far for someone else even if it would mean her life would be in danger. He wishes she would take better care of herself, but thats why he will do everything to protect her. He doesn’t wish to force her to change.

Jun: That he acts tough when he doesn’t have to. She wishes he will change with time and be more relaxed and not feel the need to act tough all the time.Evan: Sometimes she’s more of a man than he is and he kinda wishes she would be more girly. But he wouldn’t change it because it can be a good thing sometimes.

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

MxN:Karenn, HuangHua and Ewelein ships it hardcore. Ezarel makes fun of them, but Nevra’s sure he’s just jealous. Valkyon doesn’t say much and keeps out of their business. Miiko is worried it will interefere with the Guard, but doesnt want to ruin Murcielago’s life even further (she thinks theyre cute tho and appreciates that Nevra no longer goes form girl to girl).  The others are happy for Murcielago to actually have found something good in this place.

JxE:Jun’s mom and Angela are ecstatic - especially since Angela would become related to Alexy in some way and Alexy is happy about that too. Armin doesn’t really care much, but he’s glad his brother found someone who’s hopefully there for him, since he’s been alone for so long. Jun’s dad is the typical dad and doesn’t want his daugther to be dating guys even though she’s 25;;; but he’s happy for her even though he doesn’t show it - but he’s still not too sure about Evan due to his behaviour at the clubs.

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do? 

(As an asexual this can be a bit tough for me to write about since I don’t like talking about it tbh so bear with me)

Murcielago: She has only done it a few times with an ex and it didn’t feel good so she has no expectations. She has yet to figure out if she has any kinks, but she does like intensive kissing all over.Nevra: He wishes for the other to feel good and please them without losing the romance. He thinks of it as a very intimate (duh) and special thing between to people. He likes sucking on their blood gently duing the do.

Jun: Still a virgin at 25, she has yet to discover all the different sides of a sexual life. But when she really gets going she becomes really erotic and needy - and somewhat of a wild beast? She can sometimes take control without meaning to. She enjoys being bitten and licked at her ears and collarbone. She gets really embarrassed about it afterwards though.Evan: Rough, but passionate. Does his best to impress and make the other feel ecstasy and please them with all he’s got. He likes it when the other is clawing at his back cause it means its good.

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

Murcielago: It would depend on the type of party - she doesn’t like the nightclub-parties and such. She more into the finer parties - she really likes balls for some reason. She usually logical and mature, but when she’s drunk she acts all cute and says whatevers on her mind, but not rude stuff - she somehow manages to still be nice whilst drunk. She small tolerance so she rarely gets drunk - she doesn’t see the meaning of drinking and do stupid shit. She would rather be able to actually remember the party.Nevra: He doesn’t mind it. He enjoys himself and watchthing people get drunk and (hopefully) spill some secrets is a great way to pass time. He has a very high tolerance and it requires alot for him to get drunk.

Jun: She doesn’t mind parties, but she views them in a different way than what most people do, due to her previous work as a bouncer and a safety person inside the club for women. When her friends bring her with them, its more for her to act as their bodyguard in a way. She doesn’t mind it though. But she can party too if she wants to. She has a high tolerance - though she gets tipsy easily, but she’s fully aware of whats going on around her. When she gets drunk she’s just spacing out and tends to stare at attractive people.Evan: Party animal. He enjoys it greatly for multiple reasons; the usual figthing and flirting. He has an average tolerance. When he gets drunk he’s really pushy; he will ask anyone to fight him no matter who and will get all up in their face about it - especially if they accept and he wins. He’s a sore loser though and gets really depressed over it. 

((Some of these might change as I continue to figure out their personalities, OC’s and guys alike))

[somestoriessomewhereelse]

Inktober 2019

1 – Ring

I love you. I always have and I always will. And I love you enough to be sure you’re my one. I want you by side always and forever. But I won’t make the same mistake twice: I won’t buy you a ring. I won’t trap you in a promise, promises can lead only to disappointment. I love you and I let you free to love me back unconditionally. Because I know you will.

2 – Mindless

“Don’t think, just obey.”, that’s how you prefer them right? When they is so high and gone they can’t say you “no” anymore. Well, too bad for you I’m not like them, I can’t stop my train of thoughts even if I wanted it – and trust me, I want it, so bad. I can’t be the mindless slut you’d like to fuck in the club’s bathroom. But here’s a secret: just pretend that you love me and I’ll be yours.

3 – Bait

Once upon a time there was this gorgeous rose in the garden. I smelt her heady scent first, taking deep intoxicating breaths. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, and her carmine petals was lips I wanted to kiss forever. I was in love – so I thought. One windy night I was fascinated by her dancing with the moon, and my body suddenly moved to hers, against hers, to share this dance. But I had forgotten the truth about roses: the most beautiful, the deathliest their thorns.

4 – Freeze

The water’s blue, the ice is cold, when I see you my heart sees gold.

I don’t know what to write today, my mind is like an ice cube. I need some warm human flesh to make my body anew in motion. Thank god it’s Friday!

5 – Build

How can I build anything when I have no strong foundations to begin with? How can I make today a beautiful day after such a wonderful party who left me happiest but so empty? I'm the opposite of Persephone, with no strenght to rebuilt the day what I destroyed during the night.

6 – Husky

I love being on all fours, showing you everyting you want to see from me. I’m obedient, I follow orders. But don’t make the mistake of thinking I won’t bite you.

7 – Enchanted

First beat of the song and I’m already under its spell. The drums, the basses, I let myself go and lose every control; my body is not mine anymore, it belongs to the dance-floor, and I’m chained to the rhythm for the night. Being one with the melody, making love with every sound, expressing freedom during hours. This witch is my favorite to be controlled by, and her name is sooo thrilling: the Dance.

8 – Frail

It takes a lot of strength to own ones weaknesses, a lot of courage to be vulnerable. That’s all.

9 – Swing

Turning myself from one bed side to another, having my mood going up in the clouds and below the ground, feeling time through hopes and anxieties, living in contrasts and instability; I introduce to you: the Fall Depression \o/

Fall, what a great synonym of autumn; yeah it really feels like everything dropped.

10 – Pattern

Ok today I won’t talk about bad feelings – even tho it would be soooo easy.

Patterns. I love them, I look for them, they makes me feel safe. When I understand and predict, my Capricorn mind can finally relax. This is why I love astrology: with their chart I can have an approach on people, an insight in their mechanisms and anticipate their reactions, and so behave accordingly. I feel like I can be a better person with them – while knowing that like all beliefs I can also be wrong and do bad stuffs. But I least I know it, and I try my best eh.

11 – Snow

Christmas yeah, holidays why not, but THIS, this is the reason why I’m waiting for winter with so much excitement! To open the stores and see everything so white, so pure, so pristine; to feel like a child again, far away from the muddy wars and the melting ices; just to breath a little and feel at peace one more time.

12 – Dragon

In every Magikarp sleeps a Gyarados, be careful who you underestimate.

And every Gyarados had a Magikarp life, don’t assume they’re always strong.

13 – Ash

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust”, we are nothing at the scale of the Universe. Life started way before us and prosper way after us, and there is nothing we can do that time won’t erase. But it doesn’t mean there nothing we can do: we can meet people, because it’s in people’s heart we can be remembered. So let’s fall in love, let’s create happiness, let’s bring joy to everyone around. I want to believe that love will last longer than hate, I want to believe y’all will forgive me for the pain I caused, and remember be for the love I brought.

14 – Overgrown

Well Instagram won’t let me talk about my dick soooo…

Being invaded by the Nature… picture it. No more power to charge up our phones, no more wi-fi to connect to others, no more anything just the primal green like millenniums ago. This is what could happen if we lose the fight against the Earth that will take place during the next decade. But what does it have to be a fight? Why can’t we just make peace and work hand in hand with our environment? so there will be only winners. I’m just saying. Because I’m sure if we battle, one way or another we will lose.

15 – Legend

My biggest fear is dying forgotten, is that one day everyone I know don’t even know my name. I’m not looking for fame, I just hope by my time here I can do enough to have a nice legacy, and proofs for the next generations I existed, I mattered, I was someone.

16 – Wild

For those who don't know me, I can get a bit crazy: I have to get my way twenty-four hours a day, 'cause I'm hot like that. Every guy, everywhere, just gives me mad attention, like I'm under inspection. I always get a ten, ‘cause I'm built like that. I go through guys like money flying out the hands. They try to change me, but they realize they can't. And every tomorrow is a day I never plan. If you're gonna be my man understand I can't be tamed. If there is a question about my intentions, I'll tell ya: I'm not here to sell ya, or tell you to go to hell – I’'m not a brat like that. I'm like a puzzle, but all of my pieces are jagged; if you can understand this, we can make some magic – I'm wrong like that. I wanna fly, I wanna drive, I wanna go, I wanna be a part of something I don't know, and if you try to hold me back I might explode. Baby, by now you should know I can't be tamed. Well I'm not a trick you play, I'm wired a different way; I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake, it's set in my DNA. Don't change me: I can't be changed, I can't be tamed.

17 – Ornament

Makeup is not only embellishment, it’s also my way to build an armor I can go through life with: the most colorful I look, the most powerful I feel. And it would take me the same amount of energy to restrain myself by fear and shame as to be fully free and happy and my true self, so I prefer being myself sorry not sorry.

18 – Misfit

When I was younger I had hard times to fit in the society’s mold – still today. They said I was too small, to fragile, to fem, bla bla bla. As a kid I wanted to fit in, and I tried my best to be as they expected me to be. But today I don’t want to fit in, I don’t want anymore to be shaped as the way you want; I want to belong, no matter who I am, and mostly who I have the potential to be.

19 – Sling

You have the weapon. And this is your target. Just aim at them, and shoot. But be wise: you only have one chance.

20 – Tread

Just some airport memories: I’m back from the longest trip of my life and you’re waiting for me to take us home. I want to leave with you, but I have to get my luggage first. So I’m waiting too, we’re just standing there hand in hand, and the time goes so slowly we could fall asleep. But instead, we fall in love.

21 – Treasure

I’ve been sailing for many years to find you, but it was worthy and now I don’t want to ship away from you. I landed on the nice beach of your body, I caressed the sand of your skin, I tasted the salt of your foam, I listened to the echoes of your moans, I smelled that love was in the air. And I saw, I saw your beauty, and I still can see it when my eyes are closed and I dream to feel you against me. Shine bright like a diamond, shine bright like you.

22 – Ghost

We all know that story. Once upon a time there was this gorgeous person sending you a message. You talk, talk, talk, exchange secrets and hopes, make plans and promises. One day, you meet, and it’s one of the most fabulous day of your life, one you will remember for ages. You feel happy, fulfilled, confident for your future with them. But they is then nowhere to find, no more messages, no more secrets, no more plans, no more nothing. You are alone, haunted by all these brightest memories that now make you cry.

23 – Ancient

I think a lot about my grandma, how old she has become these last years, how sick, how less capable to live alone, and how alone. I know I should call her more often, I know I know I know; but I feel bad when I call, when she forgets her train of thoughts, when sometimes can’t even say my name. I remember these nights when she was dancing at the balls, when we used to play card games and domino, I still can hear her laugh. Why time had to run that fast?

24 – Dizzy

Weed, poppers, ecstasy, cocaine, or just this glass of wine before going to bed. I’d take anything to be just a little bit less myself. Sometimes I can’t stop hating who I was, hating who I am, hating who I could be but I’m not – I could change, but I’m lazy. Drugs are so much easier to take, they love my denial, they find home in my body, and I love them back for how they make me feel. I know I’ll cry tomorrow for each smile they offer me this night, but who cares of tomorrow?

25 – Tasty

You know I look good, but I taste ever better. My lips are always sugar-flavored, with this nice candy package hidden in my pockets. Sometimes I suck a lollipop, sometimes I chew a piece of flesh. Kiss me, lick me, bite me, and you’ll admit the sweetest truth: my name is not Flöra Délice for nothing.

26 – Dark

We all have a darker side and in our manichean world it’s in the darkness we can find the light, in the wrong we can learn to be right, after the lies we can accept the truth bla bla bla fuck you and fuck your binarity: embrace all the shades of yourself, open up to the nuances of humanity, deconstruct your black-and-white world where we’re all moving colors. There is no god or bad people, there are just people trying to do what they think it’s the best for the others or for themselves.

27 – Coat

A second skin up to my nails. A jacket I can put on whenever I want just because I can. The extra colors I need to feel myself.

28 – Ride

You’re like a roller-coaster: there’s some ups, there’s some downs, always moving and always fast; you make me worry before, you make me scream during, you make me breathless after; but I have to admit I always feel good adrenaline when I’m with you, and I lack your energy when you leave. In the end, it’s true what it’s said: the rush is worth the ride.

29 – Injured

Today my right leg is still hurting. Long story short I drank too much and danced more than usual – my body wasn’t ready. Nothing really bad I hope, but I’m still concerned as usual. I just hope I’ll be fine for Halloween, because missing a party because of a party is not my aesthetics. Not at all.

30 – Catch

Tomorrow, I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine. That’s all I’ll be saying, but how knows to how many people? I mean it’s gonna be the Halloween party, there’s gonna be a lot of monsters, and I’m gonna suck catch ‘em all!

31 – Ripe

Everything that starts has already ended.

The day has come. It is today that all rises to its end. The finish line, the last moments. Will we stay together tomorrow? I always wonder “what will be tomorrow? will it ever come?”, because I fear what’s coming, I fear these times of the year. But tomorrow is somewhere somewhere else, and it’s today that has to count, so let’s make the best it. Let’s be together.

[exploratoryarts]

[post thoughts]

It’s been about 24 hours since I popped the full pill and I didn’t really get the whole depression thing (given that I only took like 45mg) but I did feel like shit by like 12pm onwards. With that I will firmly say that mdma is the true gateway drug IMO (given by what I said while I was lit). Marijuana is definitely not a gateway drug at all. I don’t honestly get why I spent like almost 2 hours writing that long ass post but it’s fine. It was honestly quite the enlightening experience and I would totally try that again (I really would like to give acid a shot tho since it has a much longer high 😊). If I do try ecstasy again though it’ll probably be different next time, and I probably won’t make a long ass post that no one will read that documents every bit of the high.

Although I will say I think I did a pretty good job at redesigning my tumblr and Twitter lol

a total of two days later, a 300mg caffiene Bang (i didnt plan on slamming one but i went to work only to find out my shift got cancelled like wtf am i not good enough for you dickheads or something?) and a cigarette between that last stanza and this one, I am lying in my bed feeling like absolute shit. from the moment i rolled until now it has been almost two days. in those two days i have gotten a total of 5 and 1/2 hours of sleep. how could 45mg of mdma do this lol. imagine if that shit were in fact 300mg. I would probably have been literally rolling in the streets which sounds sick as fuck but I probably would’ve been literally sick as fuck by today. next time (if there is a next time) i’m def making sure i have some thc on deck. it would’ve make this shitshow of a comedown so much more bearable i bet. but no instead i have a no show plug who i question as a homie now. i just msg’d him abt it hopefully that changes something, or everything. anything? idk i feel like i subjected myself to some horrible shit by taking it in the middle of the fuckin week lol what was i even thinking. oh well you can’t come to a conclusion without some experimentation am i right????????

anyways expect this to get buried under the hundreds of my normal reposts in the near future when i recover from this comedown (no OC planned since tumblr buried itself deeper in its grave by mandating it to be SFW considering that it started out as an edgy teen blog website for teens who wanted a sick blog without the intricacies of dead-af-blogspot or wordpress).

randomly editting again after saving for the 10000th time, i think this is the depression that people were talking about. could probably be better had i slept right but idk i was tossing and turning in bed all night what could i do?? now i wallow in my crater of lethargy and hopelessness. I’m not yearning of death like a depressed person would, but im only slightly worried about it looming around  considering how much i taxed my brain, heart, lungs, and nervous system these past 2 days. i probably shouldn’t tho considering what river, rdj, belushi, and all those other celebs have done before they died/recovered. i’m sure i’ll be fine but dam im not in a good place rn. i dont entirely regret taking it because nothing wouldve really been able to stop me from the moment i found it anyways, i mean damn the time is so right too since i been home alone-ish. i like how i wrote a long post while i was lit from some pill and 1/2 that i found on the ground and now im writing another longass post despite saying i wouldn’t. this is honestly just to ensure to you guys im not actually as weird as how i sounded im just a guy with vices i plan on dropping at one point. 

[100percentdirtball]

the delightful @possumpossumpossum asked me th’other day about my time at camp, and i just started writing to her, and in the end i’d written a fuckin’ novel, and i know some other folks have been curious, so... here’s this thing.

content mentions: csa, drug abuse, suicide, a whole lot of love

the camp is called camp grounded and there are eight rules: no digital technology of any kind; no telling time equipment or using time; no talking about work, including what it is that you do; no age talk, age doesn't matter; no drugs or alcohol, cigarettes are ok but only in like one little zone; no glow sticks or blinky lights; explicit consent is needed for any kind of physical contact; leave your name behind, use a new name of your choice until the closing ceremony. there were like 350ish ppl there, at this camp in the middle of fuckin nowhere in the redwoods.

it's been a really really huge part of my mom's life, and she billed it like it was going to be this whole big transformative thing for literally anyone, and i thought it sounded a little goofy, my attitude basically was like-- it'll be dope to not have to answer phone calls and see some trees for a couple days. right away tho like right away, it's just... well, once ppl start showing up, you get together with your village. everyone is in a particular village of 20-30 ppl, a little subgroup, if it's a tent village everyone pitches their tents in the same zone, cabin villages are all in the same cabins. i was in jackrabbit which was a tent village and so camp starts with a getting together with your new village and doing some like, silly icebreaker games but also like... pair off randomly by a silly method and make eye contact with your new partner and just like, get intimate for a minute. we talked about how we picked our camp names, what we wanted to get out of the weekend, and... idk, already i just was feeling really good about these ppl

on the bus ride up i was sitting with splash and sunshine who were from philly and we bonded a little bc i'd been there ever, and princess proton and lulu who knew each other from previous camps and this guy pickles was sitting next to me who was kind of a weird dude from colorado and it was his first camp also and after we talked a little it turned out he had gone to a rehab thing in this part of the country so we bonded over bein sober buds

the first jackrabbity ppeople i met were bee bee sting who gave me this AMAZING nametag thing to replace my very bad nametag and the counselor ladybug who like is basically a perfect human??? one of the things we did in the group thing was go over the rules, and talk about why those rules are the rules, and about setting a like intention, a what we hope ot get out of the weekend, and by this time i had been with camp folx for like six hours so i was starting to Feel It&tm and i said my intention was that like

what i do in my life is say no. and saying yes to everything is a ridiculous goal, but my intention was to say no deliberately instead of reflexively, to see if maybe there was a yes hidden in the no.

THIS WILL BE RELEVANT LATER

like, that's the thruline, like i am going to tell you more about camp, but... there were only like two or three times the whole weekend where someone offered connection or activity or whatever and i said no, and it wasn't actually even because of my resolution most of the time?? i said yes bc i felt safe and loved and accepted the whole time, the whole whole time.

like, i don't know that i can describe what it's like to be in a place where at any time, with any person, even a stranger you're passing on one of the trails, you make eye contact and you smile and you say hi and it's a real actual connection, even if it's just for a moment, it's a real being acknowledged as another human spirit, nothing rote or formality about it

it was so easy!@!!! i don't talk to people, like i don't do that, but i was standing in line to get breakfast and the guy in front of me was looking a little like he didn't have anyone to talk to and i didn't so i was just like, hey what's up? it was the last day of camp and i just asked him like, what's one thing you're going to take home with you? and we had like 20m of conversation, and we got into some real deep stuff. and it felt as easy as breathing. his name was sparkle.

i feel like i'm skipping from one place to the other, like there isn't a cohesive narrative here, and that's something i'm always wanted about, but i just don't know how to describe it, i don't know how to show you what it felt like so i just keep pulling little trinkets out of my bag and putting them next to the growing pile and hope if i pull out enough the shape will make sense

there was a talent show, and i think it speaks volumes about how open and inviting the community is that out of like 350 ppl 55 people signed up for the talent show, including a lot of ppl who had literally never been on a stage before. there were people who were, speaking from a critical standpoint, not super good at the thing they were doing, and also legit professional performers, and the crowd!!! responded in exactly the same way for each extreme!!!! and it didnt' feel forced at all

i found out after camp was being broken down that the talent show started at 9 pm, and went 'til almost 3am. it moved from one stage to a smaller stage, and i was like third from last, and still there were thirty or so people in the audience. i closed the stage out, i wanted to be there to the end. at first i was upset about going on so late but it was so perfect, the audience was in just the right place to receive me and i was in just the right place to tell a bummer fuckin story about my shitty granddad. two spots before me a woman named fulfilled got on stage and worked her way slowly and faltering through the story of forgiving her brother for molesting her and her family for covering it up, then a guy named happy feet who did a dance and stream of consciousness about, i don't know, maybe taking too much ecstasy and just wanting to stay high forever, and then me, and then an opera singer, and sprinkle lifestyle talking about his ex-best friend blaming him for her husband’s death, and then a man named rabbi doing a guided meditation about finding your perfect self and becoming it

i cried so much, i already cry a lot but i cried so much, and i cried in front of other people, and i didn't wipe my tears i just let them fall and let myself be red and smeary and blurry and people joined me

at the 90's themed dance they played a song one of my old friends who committed suicide used to play, and bee bee walked me away from camp and just held me and then took me to the typewriter village and i wrote him a letter and then i went back into the place and danced to nirvana

there was a tea spot, a yurt where there were tea tastings and people ended up falling over each other, and i met a woman named scoby and she said "can i put my head on your shoulder" and we watched scarecrow, real name john craigie, and then the set ended and we started walking and she curled her arm around mine and we took the long way and i said, "our eyes will adjust, thank god for the moon" and we sang rent and talked about how we ended up in kind of the same place but by different routes, how she was poly and working on not falling in love so easily, and how i was just starting to allow myself to want intimacy again, and we slept together in her tent all tangled up, we talked about how we really definitely wanted to fuck, but also really didn't want to do that and i looked for her in the morning but she had already left

i was saving the last picture on my disposable camera for a picture of her but she had gone so i took a picture of myself instead, i hadn't taken any of myself

i read tarot, i read for myself and i read for a bunch of other people, and there was a tarot workshop, and i did that and we sat together in a circle and passed decks around and i cried and cried and cried when i pulled the queen of cups. i've seen the queen of cups a lot of times in reading for myself and it's always been someone else, some external force, but in that moment it was me. i had brought my deck, and it was the first time anyone other than me had touched it, and i could feel the hum of the camp in the cardstock when i read for superman later in the day, and justice jumped out of the deck, and i sat with him and his wife danger and we puzzled over the cards and then i laughed and laughed and laughed because he chose to call himself superman and we couldn't figure out what justice was supposed to mean

in the hotel last night i cried for an hour, by myself, walking from the bathroom to collapse on the bed to shuffle back towards the taps, ,how can i leave all that behind? how can i be in the real world again? how can i go back to being closed off, go back to being jack instead of dizzy?

when rabbi walked us through a field holding fallen stars, each one of them a crystal-encased version of ourselves, a past or present or future that could be, and he asked us to find our perfect self, what i saw was how i looked in that moment, i saw the me at camp, the me who everyone says couldn't stop smiling, the me who speaks soft and true, who reads cards and holds hands and says yes instead of no and has a shoulder that looks like a good place for your cheek

[gsmatthews95]

para para paradise

Hola mis amigos. Oo I miss speaking Spanish actually, the problem with being in Australia its all English, no Spanish shockingly. Fine I'll go to mexico to visit Hannah and "practice my Spanish", a good excuse for another holiday.  I would love to go back mexico actually and see whale sharks, cartels and weed plantations, lol sorry Hannah.

But I digress I am writing today because I have a bit of time to kill before my ferry back Townsville and my consequential bus down to airlie beach Whitsundays, WOOOO YOLO LETS HAVE THE BEST THREE DAYS OF MY LIFE. But that is my next stop so you dont get to hear about it yet, mainly cause I havent actually done it yet but I am pretty sure I could give you a very accurate representation of how it will go: beaches, snorkeling, jumping off boats, goon, paddle boarding and some more goon I imagine.

But no, I will bring us back again, and seriously guys stop distracting me by sending me on tangents it makes these posts longer than they already are, veryyyy longggg. Okokok I am currently by the pool and coincidentally also sat by the beach on magnetic (Maggie) island. A virtual Paradise on earth as it is blessed with buff beaches and bays, wicked wildlife including THE LARGEST POPULATION OF KOALAS IN SUCH A SMALL AREA IN THE WORLD, bangin barbie cars, fan four by fours and a pretty tremendous trek. That was some outrageous alliteration if I say so myself, I take my inspiration from the one and only big shak.

So what did I do? I hear you ask. I am glad you asked guys. So 6 us hired a huge 4x4 for 24 hours costing us 35 bucks each overall, not bad value at all. It was nicknamed Bertha because she was such a beast and having cruised thru the outback in the 2wd falcooon with its 2inch ground clearance this was a slice of heaven. The huge tyres, the foot high suspension and the space, they were enough to make me feel like I had found nirvana and could now die happy, pure ecstasy.

So with big Bertha we set out our map and plan and just cruised. First stop koalas. The main animal left on my list I needed a selfie with, its safe to say this was a pressurised stop but the man had said there about five on this plot of land, so we searched. And bingo. First spotted in 3 minutes by yours truly. It was adorable but far away so we kept looking and second was located but was also a way away. We moved to a new tree. Best decision of my, and probably my compatriots lives. We found numbers 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 in swift succession with each getting closer and closer. Finally I found the winner, a fat koala just out of arms reach and ideal for the photos, we harassed this poor koala for maybe 10 mins before thinking he needs to go back to his 23 hour sleep. Koalas tick.

Next stop was a hike up to a WWII fort, a nice walk famous for koalas but we didn't care about them anymore having seen such a plethora already. It was a nice walk tho with gold company and when we came to the top and climbed on the highest building it was a buff view to be fair, worth the walk, about 1.5-2 return maybe, I'm not really sure, soz. After a slow start in the morning owing to a lack of organisation and the previous nights exploits we had made a good start to the day. So we hopped back in to the beast and bombed it to the next spot.

Snorkelling, yes please. Keen to use our complementary snorkeling kit, it was a must do activity for the day. And having been spoilt with an abundance of wicked snorkel trips in the past I didn't know what to expect but was hopeful owing to clearness of the water. We got there, suncreamed up, waited ten mins, and I was in. As I've eluded to in previous posts, when I spot a swimming spot, there ain't nothing stopping me. Oo side note, we got lucky on our timings because November - may is stinger season and you can't swim lol, losers who came them. But yeah they're very serious about the stingers insisting you west a stinger suit and they even have vinegar on the beach in case of an attack. But yes the snorkeling, it was decent nice coral and I saw a few sting rays, although I missed the reef sharks that were out reputably. Gutted. The visibility wasn't great though but a nice little swim anyway.

We also tried to feed birds afterwards. This was a let down. But nevertheless quite funny I suppose as we got there and saw 10 people with wet bread in their hands holding it up.... We naturally joined this bizarre ritual and grabbed our soggy bread. It was a bit butterz and after 3 mins it was clear they weren't coming so we ditched it and flew on to our next spot, west point. Perfect for a good sunset.

It was buff. A beautiful beach. Clear blue water. And a nice setting yellow sun. I obviously went swimming, alone sadly, probs would have been a bit weird if there was someone else there cause it would have been well romantic. But yeah, we chilled and watched the sun drop as you do with any sunset, so I won't bore you by describing it. I nice end to a nice day. BUT WAIT.

This was not the end...I have a surprise for y'all. Yep our last activity of the day. Feeding rock wallabies. Too bloody cute, as tenure nocturnal you go in the dark to feed them carrots, awwwww. Loaded with carrots and apples we descended. And there they were, so small and cute I seriously didn't realise how small they were, like tiny. They were also very scared and tentative but would still usually accept the free meal. We even fed two which had little tiny babies in their pouches, this was too much. They were lovely.But yes that was a sick day and then we had the car the next morning so went for another wee snorkel and saw lots more rays. Before heading to see butterflies, thee weren't many butterflies. So we headed to a beach to chill and I climbed some big rocks, matt you'd be so proud of me. Since then its been all chilling by the pool and beach and swimming obvs. I also slept in my tent last night yay and intend to stay in it again tonight.Basically Maggie island has been awesome, a must stop for anyone on the east coast.

.But now I'm off to catch my ferry and bus. You won't hear from me for 4 oR 5 days.So I'll wish you adieu.

G