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#i am not lying it hurt so much
dailytraingirl · 1 month
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how much aura did i lose when i was best friends with a girl for three years and then i realized i had a crush on her and i was literally down bad i left secret coded notes in her locker and had this one hand sanitizer i used all the time because the scent reminded me of her's and my friends made up a song about us and then she decided to become popular and stopped talking to me and i was actually crushed and might have posted some embarassing tiktoks but seriously its like i was going through a breakup i cried so much and everyone thought i was so dramatic and today if she asked me to be friends again i would say yes i would give her a million more chances and she would hurt me a million more times
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 8 months
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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starheirxero · 4 months
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Sooo, I thought about Lunar going He only hit me once about Eclipse, and stumbled across this really cool tumblr Blog talking about it
https://www.tumblr.com/annakenziesworld/750845019184922624/eclipse-only-ever-really-hit-me-once?source=share
I wanted to show you the angst, like a puppy shows it's owner a cool stick it found
Me to Lunar: Why the fuck you lying, WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING🎶
YEYSYESYYES I SAW THAT !!!! I've been thinking abt it sm since I saw it actually bc, while it was likely just a case of "it happened so long ago we forgor what happened", it can 100% be interpreted as Lunar repressing most of the memories from that time and only remembering the most "major" event and it's so fascinating to me! Bc like, I've thought it was weird they said he only hit them once too, bc I've always distinctly remembered Lunar telling Moon that Eclipse hit him twice!!
But as the clips show, honestly, it's a good bit over twice!! It's just probably likely that Lunar didn't clock it as anything notable or important because Eclipse just... kinda always treated them like that. They remembered the two hardest hits because those were particularly upsetting, but everything else just blended into the mix of "shitty ways Eclipse treats me." yk??? And then over time, more shit got repressed or forgotten, and they can only remember the day in the cafe.
Like again I know it's very likely entirely accidental, but it ended up being a pretty solid way to show memory issues via trauma! And that's not even accounting for the fact that depression (and their retconned ADHD 😔) can also cause memory problems!! So this little blunder can be attributed to their fucked up mental health in-universe which is both cool rep!! but also breaks my heart over Lunar so much BSJABSJS
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adhderall · 11 days
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well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.
also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever
(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )
#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it#but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind#its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because#[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack#'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink#and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally#i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real#for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however#that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.
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thebirdandhersong · 10 months
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it's happened it's over it's done
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brazilian-whalien52 · 6 months
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I think Do Han is a really interesting character because he walks the line between selfish x assertive
I saw some people arguing the he is selfish because he left Ji Han behind and went to the US. Plus he made the contract with A Jeong even when it can fuck up her life. But I never considered this selfish acts but assertive ones? It is his life and he is living a toxic family dynamics. Yeah, it sucks that JH is in this situation but the fact is that he still also has the option to leave? DH does not want this life while JH wants it. Neither of them should shackle each other. The same way DH is not dragging JH out, JH should also not drag DH back. He should not live a lie for something he does not want. Plus with AJ it was a contract, he explained the risk to her until the point he knew but in the end this is a choice they made together.
Now, he is gonna have to make a choice when he finds out about DH and AJ being in love. Since this is a romance I believe eventually he will choose to give up on his fake marriage for their sake. However, if he choose to keep the fake marriage it will be a selfish act because this is something that he has direct control over. In this case he would be the one making both of them living a lie, over something that ultimately his happiness does not depend on? I mean, yeah the fake marriage is a solution he found. But since the beginning it was temporary and there are other paths he can take, are they harder? Yes. But they don't come at the cost of two people he deeply cares about.
And idk how to explain how this things are different between each other. But I guess it is a dilemma we queer people face a lot? Some of us back up from our families that is causing us pain but also we still want to be there with everything we love them. This is such a hard balance to fight and I don't think it is exclusive to queer people but is definitely a big part of our experience.
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katyspersonal · 1 year
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I really feel like such a helpless adult baby sometimes. Some things just take too long while to heal, and even when I think I've got no more pain left, something refuels it. Some wounds feel like putting a fireplace somewhere in innermost part of one's being; as long as it is there, there is a risk of someone throwing fuel in it and making it burn. And these fireplaces are so, SO darn hard to uninstall. Just.. how do I heal this?
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bittwitchy · 4 months
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sometimes life w a v high pain tolerance means im still in pain but quiet abt it to not bother other ppl and sometimes it means im in such horrific pain for literally no reason (there is a reason oft just related to afab insides so ppl dont care) but i have to go to work anyways bc calling out is bad and somehow its ‘so brave’ to work while wanting to die as your insides torture you it feels like youre burning alive and your organs are breaking but hey we gotta go earn that dough right
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blueskittlesart · 2 years
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there's something so tragic about aki admitting to makima that he just wants to protect denji and power and for them to be happy and then immediately being turned into a weapon to hurt them in the worst way possible
glad we are all in agreement this mademe start crying again btw
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anonymusbosch · 1 year
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welp. meow meow meow
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serenuum · 1 year
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having SO many mike warren thoughts i want to share but THEYRE ALL IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE AND ITS TOO ENERGY CONSUMING TO ACTUALLY TRANSLATE ANY OF THEm like what the FCUKK
anyway its once again going insane over special agent mike warren hours happy going insane over special agent mike warren hours to everyone who celebrates < 3333
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martyrbat · 1 year
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will say with some hindsight (and now that im in bed and its done until tomorrow) that i don't think most higher ups in a company is used to autism audacity and its really funny to throw them off with it. i called a vice president's home phone. like her actual fucking ell phone. i argued with her for several hours and called out every fucking lie she attempted. i got transferred to someone ‘to voice my concerns to’ that was so far under her that i just hung up and then called her cell again IMMEDIATELY and said, verbatim, ‘im sorry if my direct approach is untraditional and making you uncomfortable, mrs [name]. but if you want to sneak around and stab people in the back, someone is going to turn around and confront you about the knife you just put in them. as i was saying—’ because?? okay she just killed me. she literally took away every penny we scraped by when we already havent had a paycheck in a month and have been relying on relatives to shoplifting because the nearest food bank is over a hour away and we dont have money for gas. hes either fired or quitting to try and find work so... whats the worse that can happen. i went around with her for HOURS about contracts, payrolls and pay sheets, warranties, and arguing for just basic fucking worker rights. then called other ppl (from different workers in the company to the distributors and garage workers to other drivers to swap info on their end and share what's we found out on ours because yea im gonna get people pissed and the whole thing is slimy with the different shit theyre telling ppl) just to confront her again at 9pm (this literally started at 6:30 in the fucking morning) like... okay autism audacity (and union lover).... i see u.
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viosjaan · 6 months
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i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here
#i am sorry#truly genuinely#ive been trying to justify it to myself that we weren't technically together and you said go kiss other people ill still be here meet your#needs in the way you want#but i think it was#yesterday#this guy flirted with me and i flirted back but then suddenly this wave of disgust and self loathing hit me#like what am i even doing#how could i have done that#you were sitting there thinking we're okay you thought we were still together and im just in a bad mood going thru one of those depressive#episodes you were so understanding when you shouldn't have been because if i say im in love with you i should be there for you every step#of the way.#but you go through so much shit alone and im never there for you or atleast not there for you a lot of times and then i blame you for#liking your bestfriends more like it's so stupid obviously love should be reliable stable#and we were something na. we were everything except the label#i should have told you the moment i started feeling empty and dissatisfied again#but just. this isn't an excuse but like i didn't want to hurt you by bringing up this same fight for the one thousandth time#we agreed that you're not in the position to give more and i agreed to be okay with it and i really was.#but i can't help myself i want to give you everything i hate that feeling that i need to be less love less WANT less. mujhse nahi ho pata#i wasn't lying or pretending to be okay with it i was TRYING my best to be okay with it because i love you and this was the only way to#not lose you forever#now i just want to move on fr and be just friends with you. i can't lose you as a person but i don't know how to make this up to you#i am physically incapable of being in this situationship i want a relationship or a friendship i can't with this in between#which is what i told you in jan. i remember my chest actually feeling heavy with fear bc i was so scared of hurting you and getting hurt#again. jokes on me my worst fears came true all the progress we made by taking space is lost#i don't know if you really deleted my playlist. i tried to listen to more songs from it but they're so. lovely. talking about epic grand#love. which we have. but it's like waving a candy in front of a kid and snatching it away it hurts too much to have all the feelings and#none of the relationship. now that ive talked to some people in the romantic sense i get it#you were my best love my most perfect love there are no flaws there's nothing anyone else can do that can be equal or more to what you did#but idk it isn't meant to be maybe there's no future
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fraternum-momentum · 1 year
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wait oh my god. since im on the topic of music, i want to share that i love jvke songs theyre really catchy and the instrumentals are dream like and heavenly but my god are the lyrics so fucking corny and honestly kinda shallow like look bruh im fucking
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qumiiiquinnquin · 11 months
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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princeofyorkshire · 8 months
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me to my mom 4 years ago: i’m bisexual
my mom today: so you still don’t know if you like boys or girls?
#bruh when my therapist mentioned me not being heard she was not fucking lying#she remembers a complete different conversation than it actually was#and i’ll be honest i’m crying while i’m typing this cause i remember it all so perfectly it took me so long to finally have the courage to#say it and she just. heard whatever she wanted to hear#or part of her chose to remember whatever she wanted to remember#so how much of that acceptance was real?#this hit me so fucking hard and she doesn’t even understand why i’m upset#she just doesn’t fucking get it she was like don’t expect me to remember every detail of every conversation i have#well we are talking about me coming out in a household that used to be a little bit homophobic because it was the early 2000s#like it just hurts that she didn’t care enough to remember it#she understood whatever she wanted to cause i NEVER said i had doubts about my identity#or that i didn’t know if i liked boys OR girls#it was always both it was always the big word it was always bisexual#she was the first person i came out to by using that word#i remember the date i remember the situation i remember where we were#and she doesn’t even remember it right#like part of her didn’t want to accept it no matter how supportive she was/is#cause that’s the thing she IS supportive and i should be grateful and i really am but i can’t focus on that. not right now#this is so fucking depressing to me i might be overreacting a little bit yes sure but i don’t care this is how i’m feeling rn#fuck man i don’t know what to do with myself rn#effie talks to the moon
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