#i am not in the place where i have enough boundaries to be able to fight for myself if that happened

[colonelkaboom]

Overstepping Boundaries 🩺

✎ AN: Zayne struggles with combining your growing relationship with the fact that he is your doctor and finally dares share his concerns with you. This event takes place whilst Caleb is "gone". Word count: 1.7 k

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Zayne knew that becoming your primary care physician would mean pushing the limits of what was appropriate. You didn’t have an active relationship of any kind, but the history the two of you shared was enough to make him question taking you as a patient. But how could he not become your doctor when your suffering had steered him down this path all those years ago? He would finally be allowed to care for you directly and use all his years of research to help the person who inspired his studies. 

There was also the promise he made to Josephine, your grandmother, that he would help you. He would have done so regardless, in one way or another, but a promise is a promise. You’d be his patient.

Seeing you again was excruciatingly painful, in the best way. You had grown into a beautiful young woman, with the same playful energy you had as a child. It had been a bit awkward during your first few appointments, but soon enough you matched each other perfectly. When you ran into each other at that cafè a while back, and spent time together without the heavy atmosphere of Akso Hospital, things properly began to thaw. 

Which was part of the problem. Zayne worried that perhaps you had grown too close for what is appropriate in a Doctor-patient relationship. There was a heavy power imbalance shifted in his favour, although he often felt excruciatingly vulnerable in your presence. If asked, he’d call you a friend. A close one even. And there was no doubt in his mind that you’d say the same thing about him. 

You were close, too close. No closer than any other appointment. No closer than you were when he’d drive you home in his car, or when you’d share food at a restaurant. But here, in his office, you were too close. The physical proximity felt suffocating as his hand gripped the stethoscope gliding over your chest. This is when the proximity should be ok, he is a doctor. He is your doctor. His job is to ensure your physical health remains intact, inside this office is where he is able to ensure his duties are fulfilled. Why was it harder to be close to you here, than everywhere else?

Because here, he was Dr. Zayne and you were Miss Hunter. Out there, formal titles and professional obligations were sealed away in the back of his mind.

“Zayne? Are you ok?” He blinked quickly as the sound of your voice snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts. Zayne quickly retracted the stethoscope from your chest and rubbed his forehead in desperation. 

“Am I ok? Should I worry about whatever my heart just told you?” Your uncertain chuckle made Zayne return his focus to you. However his mind was stuck on how you had worded your question. What did your heart tell him? If only he could listen to the emotional secrets your heart carried as easily as he could listen to your heart beat. 

“You’re usually a man of few words, but I’m kinda getting concerned now, Zayne. Has my protocore syndrome worsened?”

“No, I’m sorry. Your heart is fine. Well, not fine, but unchanged from our last appointment. I just have a lot on my mind and it seems to be affecting my ability to perform my work adequately.” Slightly startled by his own honesty, Zayne straightens his posture and spins his chair away from you. Unsure of what to do, you remain quiet hoping he’ll shed some light on whatever is bothering him. However, knowing Zayne, you were preparing to do some digging.

“Zayne..? Are you going to make me beg, or will you share your troubles with me willingly?”

“Beg all you want. If I can’t find the proper words to sufficiently express myself, I will not be sharing my troubles with you tonight.”

“Well, I’m not going to beg unless there is a slightly higher certainty of a reward. I guess I’ll just be stubborn and refuse to leave this room until you let me help you.” You cross your arms and give him a defiant stare. His stiff expression relaxes and he dares face you once more.

“You are the only patient of mine over the age of five who dares express such an attitude toward me.” You make an attempt at a pout, but it quickly evolves into a smile when you see Zayne’s facade soften once more.

“I… - I am concerned about our relationship.” He slowly says. The seriousness of his tone makes you quiver.

“Our relationship?” You question, genuinely uncertain about the meaning of his confession.

“How our friendship has become too personal for me to properly maintain the boundaries this office requires.” The softness in his voice indicates sadness and perhaps embarrassment at his own inadequate professionalism. 

“Dr. Zayne… Are you breaking up with me?” Leaning forward with a playful smile you grab his hand and cradle it in yours. His reaction was anything but what you were hoping for as he flinched at your touch and returned to his previous position. Perfect posture, tight jaw, facing away from you.

“Sorry…” You whisper, unable to hide the hurt in your voice.

“You have nothing to apologize for, this overstep is my responsibility. I never should have taken you on as a patient in the first place, given our history.”

“But, if you hadn’t, we probably never would have reconnected.” Noticing the obvious pain on your face it dawned on him how unintentionally hurtful his last words were.

“I’ll just leave, I never intended to make you uncomfortable.” As you hesitantly arose from your chair Zayne’s hand quickly grabs your wrist before you have time to turn away from him. 

“I took you on as a patient because I was curious about your condition, and because I was curious about you. I have been overstepping boundaries since before our first appointment, and I am ashamed of myself for it.” He looks up at you from his chair, and for the first time ever, you think he looks small. 

“However, there is no shame attached to our friendship and it would sadden me greatly if you walked out that door before we find a resolution that we can both be comfortable with.” His pleading eyes are begging you to stay by his side.

Your gaze falls on his hand clutching yours, his cold fingers searching for your warmth. Leaving the room would be a terribly hard choice to make, sitting back down was easy. You gently lace your fingers with his and sit back down.

“I don’t want another doctor, I want my doctor.” You tighten your grip on his hands hoping it could carry the force your voice was unable to convey. 

You can tell that Zayne’s eyes are trying to hide how relieved and proud your words just made him. 

“Going to the doctor has never been easier. I even look forward to coming here, to see you. Of course I would prefer to meet you outside of the hospital, but when your best friend is a workaholic like no other, finding the time gets a bit tricky.” You called him your best friend. The title carried so much weight now that Caleb was no longer around to fill the role. Zayne had no desire to even attempt to take Caleb’s place, but he was ready to be whatever you needed and more.

“Did you know I’ve selfishly scheduled our appointments to be my last of the day as often as possible, so that I can drive you home afterwards.” He admits.

“Did you know, I always take the bus to our appointments, rather than my motorcycle, hoping you’ll offer to drive me home afterwards?” The smiles on your faces grow in unison as you relax in the familiar closeness. 

“Please be my doctor, Zayne. I don’t want anyone else.” Zayne pursed his lips as he glanced away for a second.

“You must promise me that if I make you uncomfortable, in any way, by being involved in too many aspects of your life, particularly regarding what happens in this room, you will tell me. No hesitating allowed. Will you listen to your doctor's orders, for once?”

“I’ll listen. This time…” The mischief in your eyes causes Zayne to roll his. 

“Is this the first time you’re breaking a rule, Zayne?”

“I’ve broken rules in the past, although I never do it lightly. You, however, seem far too comfortable with rule breaking.” He flips through some papers on his desk, organizing them and signing his name on a few. 

Feeling brave you lunge forward and snatch the pen from his grasp. Quickly you get up from your chair and retreat to the opposite side of his desk. The look on his face makes you thankful for the broad piece of furniture in between you. He slowly stands from his chair and towers over you. With both arms securely planted on the desk, he leans forward and whispers - “Thievery is frowned upon in most parts of the world, I would suggest you don’t make this a habit. Others might not take as kindly to your antics.”

The tone of his voice sends a shiver down your spine, tickling a nerve you didn’t know you had.

“Dr. Zayne, you’re making me very uncomfortable right now.” You tease as you lean forward and copy his dominating stance. His gaze suddenly intensified at your challenging words. He knew you were only testing his patience, but he’s had a long day and it was wearing thin before you even entered the room.

“I would not advise you to abuse the power I so kindly granted you, Miss Hunter.”

“Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it, Dr. Zayne?”

Zayne had several ideas for appropriate punishments in mind, however that would certainly be inappropriate action to take within the confines of his office. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to gather himself before he spoke again and offered to drive you home…

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✎ AN: Idk about other places in the world, but where I'm from, Zayne would no longer be MC's doctor. I'm really glad it doesn't seem to actually be an issue in their world though. Also, I don't know where my head was going toward the end, but it went there so I hope you don't mind.

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[blitzofreeandwild]

HOKAY SO.

I am 99% sure that with how this show likes to do parallels and callbacks that this line?

Yeah, with him saying this right after Stolas was talking about Via, I'm willing to bet money that this is a hint that Barbie and Via are going to be parallels to one another. So I really think they're going to end up having similar growth arcs, both with a narcissistic parent who's swaying their opinion negatively and making them think Stolas/Blitzø caused all of this to happen.

I think that the show is honestly setting it up so that Blitzø is partly able to empathize as well with Stolas as he is because it's such a similar situation to when he had the falling out with his own family. I think Stella will be a parallel to Cash, Via to Barbie, and I think Vassago is going to end up playing a somewhat Fizz-ish role in Stolas' life. I don't know exactly how that's going to play out, but he has the potential with being an old friend who's kinda not really in touch with Stolas as much these days.

Anyway, back to the main point, Barbie. We're not sure exactly what happened when Blitzø went after his mom in the fire, but there was the faint sound of Barbie calling for him. And he definitely blames himself, and his mom is gone. So I think it's pretty safe to say that whatever happened, it was probably extremely traumatizing, didn't make him look good, and I think it's extremely likely that Barbie saw it. Maybe she didn't get the full story, or maybe she saw things from a bad angle and made bad assumptions, I don't know. But I think it's probably safe to say that if Blitzø thinks he's killed their mom? Yeah, I think Barbie thinks that too. That would be enough to cause bad sibling drama on its own. But an abusive parent using something like that to get in your head? OOF.

The thing is, Blitzø doesn't hold any of this against her, and this is a man who can absolutely hold a grudge. *cough* Spring Broken *cough* But Blitzø's still is trying his best to repair things with her, still is checking in and trying his damndest to take care of her as much as he can, and is hardly even reacting to all the terrible things she says about him. Blitzø doesn't just let people treat him like crap and walk all over him just because he thinks he deserves it. Which means that he's letting her get away with all of that because he understands where she's coming from. Honestly, I think that is the biggest point for us viewers to be on Barbie's side, even if she's been manipulated and used by The Dark One.

I think if we as a fandom can accept and understand that Via isn't evil or terrible and has every right to be upset with her dad, then I think we can give Barbie a chance. She was also only 18 when the fire happened, with a whole childhood of Cash's abuse shaping who she was. We have to give Blitzø some credit here, honestly--We all know he's a bit of a disaster asshole, but he's still had so much more chance to recover because he got out.

And as a little aside. A person's health and safety and their boundaries are often connected. They usually have boundaries in the first place for the sake of their health and safety. So ignoring a boundary because "Well, you're falling back into bad old habits!" is... not a great move. An understandable one, if you're genuinely that worried for someone's safety. But if you break a boundary for reasons like that, you have to also be prepared for it burning some bridges, even if it does end up saving the person. My brother and I haven't really gotten back on speaking terms ourselves after getting away from our abusive parents. I don't hold that or even the things he said while he was under their roof against him. I know what it's like to live with them, I know how they burrow under your skin, I know he was just trying to stay alive. But if he tracked me down after I was discharged from the hospital? Yeah, the trust isn't there, even if the love is. I wouldn't really trust him not to say hurtful things, which could be even more devastating than usual after being in-patient. So I would also be telling my brother to leave me the hell alone in that situation. And if he still didn't leave? And tried to justify it as "Well, I was right to go against what you want and what you say makes you feel safer, because look, you're already failing and falling back into bad habits!!" ...Yeah. I wouldn't exactly take well to that, either. She kind of had every right to snap at him.

I don't think Barbie will be won over right away. I think she'll need some time and grace. But I don't think she'll just be Cash's tool when the time comes, even if she's been doing his dirty work until then. And I think we also should remember that up until Oops, Fizz wasn't exactly nice to Blitzø himself. But we got past that and we all love the adorable little clown!!

This might not be Hazbin, but it's so easy to tell that these two shows are related, because the core of the story is the same: It's all about redemption and forgiveness.

Barbie's going to forgive Blitzø, even if it really is hard to ever go back to having a close relationship again, like OP said. And Blitzø has already forgiven her on at least some level, if he's seeking her out. And honestly? I trust Blitzø's character judgement. He's got a good sense of people.

"Them"- Cash and Barbie

I really hate it when I remember that this makes it very likely that Barbie and Cash pulled this crap together.

Blocking Blitz and Fizz from seeing eachother for 15 bloody years.

And that it's actually a real toss up weather his dad, or his sister told him that; 'Fizz says you're going to die alone Blitzo'.

[dailycupoftrauma]

It's wedding season y'all

[baisemains]

Elements of Desire

Chapter 2: Something’s Brewing

single mom!sevika x fem!reader

word count: 2.6k

contains: alcohol, mention of past relationship trauma, mostly fluff though

description: halloween brings you more treats than tricks.

ao3 link | spotify playlist

previous | next // sevika masterlist

A week goes by and you’ve yet to hear from Sevika, by email or text, and you’ve pretty much given up on the situation.

You’ve even asked Powder if she knows anything but all you get is a sad smile and “Nothing yet, miss.”

It’s finally Halloween, so you try to put it out of your head and enjoy the holiday, it’s your favorite and you always give your classes a pass that day.

The day passes quickly, you let the kids watch movies and exchange candy they brought, some even bringing enough treats for their entire class.

That night, you’re passing out candy with your housemates, a yearly tradition while the rest of your friends are over, drinking and hanging out.

Everyone's already a few drinks in, and the doorbell rings for the umpteenth time and you pass off the candy bowl to your friend at the front door, telling her you'll be right back.

You head to the bathroom and when you’re done, you check yourself in the mirror, happy with your costume choice and fixing your shirt when you hear the doorbell ring again.

With a hum, you make your way to the front door to grab the bowl again, opening the door when you're suddenly met with a familiar face.

"Powder?"

You barely have to time to register that she’s standing in front of you when you feel something push past you into your house.

Looking down, you see a little girl about eight years old waltzing into your front room, glancing around like she belongs there.

“Isha, get back here!”

Hearing a voice you recognize, you turn back to the front door just in time to see Sevika brushing past you, placing her hands on your waist to gently move you out of the way.

She quickly runs after the little girl and grabs her by the shirt, walking her back out to your porch and pinching the bridge of her nose.

Still not fully processing what just happened, you stand there blinking, body hot where Sevika’s hands were just touching you.

“I am so sorry about that, she’s stubborn about boundaries and not entering stranger’s homes,” Sevika sighs.

“That’s the fourth time tonight.”

At this point, a line starts to form so your housemate is standing on the other side of the doorway handing out candy as fast as she can to get them on their way.

You barely register them as you subtly check Sevika out, her costume making it extremely difficult.

She’s dressed up as a cowboy, and it’s taking everything in you not to stare too long.

A large black stetson sits atop her head, the wide brim shading most of her face from the porch lights, besides the strip of her face you can make out around the edges.

Her dark blue plaid dress shirt is unbuttoned just enough to see the top of her cleavage, tucked into a pair of black bootcut jeans that are covering some worn cowboy boots. Her black leather gloves cling to her like a second skin, and you can see her hands flexing at her sides.

You let your eyes roam back to her face, feeling your mouth dry up.

Sevika turns to you, an apologetic look on her face accompanied by her signature furrowed brow, when her eyes widen and start to roam over your body.

Her gaze lingers on you, taking in the view until her eyes land on your face again, eyebrows raising at the smile you try to hide.

"You, uh—"

Coughing into her hand, Sevika looks over her shoulder and yells for Isha to come over before turning back to you and gesturing over your body.

"Nice costume...You going to a party or somethin’?"

You feel a bit proud and maybe even flattered knowing that you were able to fluster Sevika, and you lean against the doorframe, crossing your legs.

"Thanks, it's uh-"

You clear your throat and wave a hand in the general direction of your clothes.

"It's a character from my favorite show."

Your cheeks start to burn, and you can't tell if it's from the alcohol or from Sevika's gaze.

"And nah, just the usual Halloween party with my roommates and some friends. No big deal."

You shrug, gently chewing on your bottom lip.

"What about you guys, how’s trick or treating in this neighborhood?"

Making sure to look at all three of them when you say that, Powder lights up and starts telling you how their night has been, and you notice your previous intruder is quiet.

Glancing at Sevika, you lean in to ask her something.

“Hey, is Isha okay? She hasn’t said anything since you guys got here.”

Sevika’s mouth twists as she answers you.

“Oh, um…she’s nonverbal.”

You feel like face palming yourself for being so insensitive but instead you nod and ask if she signs.

When Sevika tells you yes, you light up and tune back in to Powder’s story, laughing as she says something about getting full size candy bars for the first time.

Looking at Isha, you sign and ask what her favorite candy is.

She blinks at you and glances over at Sevika, who looks equally surprised but smiles and nods at her to answer your question.

Isha smiles when she realizes you can sign, her face taking on a shy grin at having your attention and at being included, which makes your heart melt.

"Reese cups!" She signs, her face lighting up at being able to communicate with you without having to rely on someone else and you grin back at her.

You notice Sevika watching the two of you out of the corner of your eye, her eyes flicking between Isha and your signing.

You continue talking to the girls, signing and laughing at their stories and jokes, and Sevika lets them take the lead for a couple more minutes before gently interrupting.

“Alright girls, we’ve gotta keep going. We’re on a schedule here,” she tells you apologetically, ruffling Isha’s hair.

“Say goodbye, we don’t wanna be too late.”

Isha pouts but waves at you before taking Sevika’s hand in hers, Powder still glued to their side, waving to you as well.

You move to close the door before you feel a hand gently holding it open.

“Actually, there was one more thing.”

Sevika is standing there, rubbing a hand on her neck, looking a little nervous.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and…I decided to let Powder enter the science fair.”

Your eyes widen slightly in shock, you had thought by now that she had decided against it so you were pleasantly surprised.

Powder apparently hadn’t known her answer either because she threw herself into Sevika’s side, engulfing her in a hug and almost toppling her over at the same time.

“Oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You laugh at the interaction even more when Isha hugs Powder, clearly wanting to be part of the moment.

When they separate, you smile at Sevika and reach your hand out for a handshake, much like your first meeting.

She shakes your hand and you savor the feeling of her palm in yours.

Her eyes bore into you as you say, "That's wonderful, Powder's gonna do great, I know it."

You let your hand linger until Sevika slowly pulls hers back, leaving you feeling a bit cold without the touch.

She clears her throat and jerks her head towards her daughters, still clinging to her side.

"Well um…we better get to the next house."

You nod and say your goodbyes, reluctantly closing the door as the three of them walk down the porch steps.

You lean your head back against the door as you close your eyes and sigh, the alcohol from earlier settling in again as you replay the entire interaction in your head.

A few seconds later, you open your eyes to see your roommate staring at you with a gleam in her eye.

"So…”

She smirks, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Was that the mom you were telling us about? Your jaw was almost on the floor.”

You feel your face warming up, knowing you’ve definitely been caught, and you walk over to the couch to take a seat.

"Yeah…" you laugh, unable to form any words when you think about Sevika’s eyes glued to you.

“She’s hot.”

Your friend nods her head, having also appreciated the view.

A whistle from opposite you has you looking up, seeing that your other housemate has stopped her conversation and joined the group.

Rolling your eyes, you lean your head back again and cover your face with your hands.

You let out a groan and let your hands drop to your sides as you sit up.

“It doesn’t matter though, she’s Powder’s mom, that would be so inappropriate.”

“Oh come on,” your friend whines. “You don’t want to bag the hot mom of one of your students?”

You grimace, smacking her with a pillow.

“No, I don’t want to bag a parent, what’s wrong with you?”

She cackles at that, taking a sip of her drink.

“You’re telling me that if she asked you out, you’d turn her down? Girl, please.”

You can’t deny that, so you try to change the subject.

“That would never happen, so it doesn’t matter! She’s probably not even single anyway, you saw her.”

She grins in response, leaning forward and wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh I did see her, that’s why I’m betting she’s single. She was checking you out just as hard as you were checking her out, dude. You’re just too much in teacher mode to make a move.”

You huff at that, rolling your eyes at her but knowing she’s not entirely wrong.

You think back to the way Sevika’s eyes slowly raked over your body, the way they lingered longer than necessary to take in your costume, and how you did the same.

“I could lose my job.”

Both your friends burst out laughing at your statement, even you didn’t believe that.

“No one is gonna give you a hard time, I promise, you’re not doing anything illegal, and she’d be the one asking you out.”

You look down and start picking at the skin of your cuticles, suddenly shy.

Seeing your change in demeanor, one of your friends comes and sits down next to you, nudging your shoulder with hers.

“What’s up? Why are you so against believing this chick might be into you?”

“It’s not that I’m against it, I’m just being realistic. No one’s beating down the door to take me out.”

Your friend slaps you lightly on the thigh, her expression hardening.

“Dude, what are you talking about? Anyone would be lucky to date you, you’ve just got no confidence because your ex was a dickhead.”

You bite the inside of your cheek.

The break up with your ex had really messed with your self confidence, it’s been a constant process of trying to get it back, and most of the time failing.

At this point you’ve got a bit of a complex, always doubting someone’s intentions if they flirt with you, wondering if they’re just trying to use you.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just still messed up about it.”

Your friend puts a hand on your thigh and squeezes, tilting her head so she’s in your line of sight.

“I get it, she was a huge bitch, but not everybody’s like that, okay? You’re a catch, and I’m gonna keep saying it until you believe me and get out there and start dating again.”

You huff again, turning your head to look at her and smiling softly.

“Thanks dude, I know I just need to get out of my head and start putting myself out there more.”

“Wait, that’s the first time you’ve actually agreed with me. I hope this means you’re gonna start doing it, which better include that sexy mom, by the way.”

You push her off the couch, a smirk on your face.

“Alright fine, you win. It’s a maybe for her.”

Both your friends squeal in excitement, now satisfied that you’ve entertained their ridiculous fantasies.

With the attention off of you, you let the thought of pursuing Sevika run through your mind, a small flutter starting up in your stomach at the idea of it actually being possible.

She was extremely attractive, obviously, but trying to picture it, you don’t know if it would ever work out.

Putting that out of your head, you follow the two girls into the kitchen and grab another drink, deciding to enjoy the rest of your night with your friends.

Unbeknownst to you, Sevika is at home in a similar situation.

After getting home with the girls and making sure they were both bathed and tucked in, she’s sitting in the living room with some jazz emanating from her record player and a drink in hand.

Taking a small sip, she closes her eyes and leans her head on the wall behind her, thoughts drifting to the events of the day, eventually landing on you.

At first, your costume was what got her attention, she won’t lie, you looked…good.

She’d thought you were attractive during the parent/teacher conference, but she had been there for more important reasons so she didn’t dwell on it past that night.

But once she saw how you interacted with her girls, especially how you were signing with Isha and including her in the conversation, she’d felt something else, something softer.

Endearment? Affection, maybe?

Isha usually had a bit of trouble making friends, she was shy, and people reacted strangely to her not talking, so to see how easily she took to you affected her a lot.

Sevika smiles into her glass as she thinks about how warmly you welcomed them.

Definitely endearment.

She thinks about how none of the women she dated in the last few years cared that much, barely wanting to get to know them at all, and so Sevika had kicked them all to the curb.

Her daughters were her number one priority, and somewhere along the way, she’d forgotten that meeting someone who also cared about her kids was possible.

Meeting someone, what is she talking about.

You’re Powder’s teacher, not someone she met at the grocery store.

She shakes her head, clearing her mind of those thoughts.

Sevika sighs and finishes her drink, rubbing her temple as she tries to think about anything but you.

Deciding that was her cue to head to bed, she sets her glass in the sink and makes her way to her bedroom.

She strips down to nothing and puts on a pair of sweatpants and a loose white tee, heading into her attached bathroom to do her nightly routine.

As she does her skincare, she thinks about how Vi, her oldest, took her shopping a couple years ago and told her she needed to start taking better care of her skin or she “wouldn’t be a MILF anymore.”

Laughing at the memory, she brushes her teeth and turns off the light, walking to her bed.

Slipping between the sheets, she settles in and grabs the book off her nightstand, setting her reading glasses on her nose as she leans her head back against the pillows.

She’s only a few pages into the autobiography when she finds her eyelids getting heavy, the day’s events starting to wear her down faster than she’d anticipated.

Sevika slips her bookmark in and sets the book aside, turning off the lamp as her eyes flutter shut and she drifts off to sleep, thoughts on one certain teacher.

[movingthisblogcelestialtarot11]

What do people underestimate about you when they meet you? 👀💐 PAC reading ☀️

Hi friends 💐☀️ it’s been a minute since I have made a post on here, but I am back! What do people underestimate about you when they meet you? Let me know below if it resonates with you, feel free to comment like and reblog ⬇️☺️

Pile 1: Hi there pile 1’s!☀️🧘‍♀️💐 I feel like people underestimate your intelligence when they meet you. I feel you are the kind of person who observes a lot and doesn’t say much, until its necessary. A lot of people hate on the quiet kids but they’re the most dangerous because they know everything 😂 thats the vibe I’m getting. You’re quick witted, you’re quick with your comebacks and people don’t expect that. People expect you to be quiet, small minded and naive. But then they have a deep conversation with you and all of a sudden its like, “i was wrong to assume that of my pile 1, damn” and it hits them! What you say resonates because its like you get to the root of the matter and pull it out. Like weeds. You pull the truth out and say it. You guys have a powerful throat chakra and it’s something to be proud of! You don’t like illusions, lies and dishonesty. You prefer honesty, openness, and integrity! And lots of people aren’t able to match that so they end up feeling attacked, which was never your intention. Thank you pile 1’s for coming by 💗 I hope this resonated with you!

Pile 2: Hi there pile 2’s! Welcome to your reading 💐🧘‍♀️😻 People underestimate your resilience and bravery. I feel that some people see you as someone who is incapable of fighting, standing up or defending yourself. But you are the opposite! And people don’t expect that. They underestimate your ability to take on a challenge. Especially if you’ve been through a lot in your childhood, I’m feeling like family members perceived you as weak, gullible and naive. But you got up and healed and it took a lot of time, and you are still healing, but here you are setting boundaries and putting your foot down. This is something people do not expect. But then again im hearing “what did you expect? Did you expect me to really sit and take your bullshit?” On point!! You guys are quick, to the point, and do not hesitate in saying no or setting boundaries. For a long time you struggled with speaking up and it still may be a thing, which is understandable, and now you are healing enough to say no. People also may not expect you to be financially well off is something I’m getting. Your efficiency at saving money is something people don’t expect, or your savvy mindset when it comes to making 💰! People underestimate your resilience and your ability to take on a challenge. A true phenix from the ashes 💗 thank you pile 2’s for coming by! I hope this resonated. Please like comment and reblog for the support 💐☀️

Pile 3: Hi there pile 3! 💃🏻 This ones gonna be interesting 😂 in the best way possible! I feel that people underestimate your ability to leave. To say goodbye. To end situations and walk away. And move to a better place than you were before. People think you’ll stay in the mud, but you are the kind of person where if it gets uncomfortable you have no problem taking yourself out the pot. If the situation isn’t working, remove yourself from the equation is what im understanding 😂 love it! You guys don’t hesitate in moving to where you need to be and where your soul calls you, and right away you’ll know if someone is meant for you, or situation. People underestimate your ability to create abundance and move into prosperous places, but you manifest fast-and you move on to where you need to be with little to no issue. I feel like you guys know how to pack it up and make your decision, and the other person is shocked you thought about this without them. And your response is something of “I wasn’t aware I needed you in the first place to make this choice” 😂💗 I love it! You guys really know how you make an entrance and say goodbye 😻 thats the vibe im getting. People underestimate your presence in their life. The absence is felt when you’re really gone. Thank you pile 3’s! Please feel free to like comment and reblog to help this blog grow ☀️💐💃🏻

Thank ya’ll so much for reading 💐💗 it meant a lot to me! Your support is greatly appreciated. Enjoy the Aries full moon 🧘‍♀️

Paid Readings ⬇️💅🏻

[plussizeappreciationfics]

Hi!! I am incredibly inspired by your work! Do we think a Choi San fic could be in the works? I just know he'd live his best life with a bigger woman

of course!

Being with Choi San includes:

Him being absolutely smitten by you, the love blooming between the two of you inspiring him to write new songs for Ateez, the songs breaking mulitple records

The entertainment company first being against your relationship, but Choi pushing through the pressure and setting clear boundaries that you´re a topic where no discussions will ever take place

The fandom trying to tear you down, so you put all of your social media accounts on private to stay sane. The Korean media hating the fact that they cannot access your pictures anymore to paint false narratives of you

Choi being the most loving and compassionate boyfriend you ever had, him making sure that your relationship never changes for the worst despite being a well known idol and having many other responsibilities

You tagging along when him and the group are having dance practices or doing photoshoots

Choi making sure that no one, and I mean no one, harasses or even gets too close for you as he has been through more than enough uncomfortable situations where staff members started to get real disrespectful

The other Ateez members loving you, first being shy but quickly locking you into their hearts as they see that you are meant to be with Choi, your love flourishing and making him thrive as a person

On his days off, Choi makes sure to pamper and spoil the fuck out of you, he takes you on the most exciting and luxurious or chill dates

The two of you getting along so well that marriage is already in the talks, just a few months into your relationship. Him knowing that you´re not someone to just mess with and dump, but to marry and cherish for the rest of your life

Him being your hype-man when you get insecure, making sure to show you with his whole body how beautiful and sexy you are. Like, you had never had a man yearn for you so much and so loudly

Choi not being able to get enough of your body, that man has always his hands on your wide hips or thick thighs, his lips are always kissing your face or neck and his sweet yet sedusive words making shivers run down your spine as he voices what he loves doing to your body

Your sex life being the best. Like the way that man knows your body inside out, makes you scream or almost cry in pleasure as hes buried deep inside you while making you maintain eye contact through it all, talks to you in the dirtiest yet sexiest way is just too much. It makes you feel so empowering and desirable

Choi loving your friends and family like his own and already discussing with your parents to ask for their permission to marry you one day

Him knowing that its the two of you against the world, and no one is allowed to disrespect you in any type of way

[scribbledghost]

Hi!!! I just want to say i am obsessed with your work!! I love all the polyvessels fics ahd the headcanons about each vessel!! I was wondering if you are open to this particular idea i have for vessel and reader.

What if vessel has to go away for a bit for whatever reason (maybe sleep sends him on some kind of mission or he goes in search of something, I'll leave that bit up to you) and reader is super upset and misses him so bad. And when vessel finally comes back to the manor, reader runs into his arms and is so happy he's home but at the same time is like, "What took you so long? I was worried sick!" And there's so much cuddles and kisses and clinging to each other. I would LOVE to read something like that.

Thanks for all that you do!!

Note: are you kidding reunion tropes are some of my favorite I am SO down for this. Also, side note: how we feelin' about Even in Arcadia my dears?

He has been gone for too long.

Sleep had tasked him with a journey, something that would take him far beyond the boundaries of the manor and far from the rest of the vessels.

Far from you.

His travels took him away from the forest, but not beyond its borders. Another pocket in reality, much the same as where the manor resided. However, this one was larger, filled with various chasms, waterfalls, and buildings.

Sleep told him it that was named "Arcadia". That, despite its massive size and structures, there were no people. Only echoes of war between soldiers and creatures long gone.

Vessel's task had been to go and tend to the few nonhuman residents that remained: the flowers and the flamingos. Chief among the latter being a large black flamingo with pink eyes that commandeered the place.

It had taken him longer than expected - at least, that's the impression he was under. Time seemed to work differently in Arcadia than it did in the manor; it seemed less linear. Night would fade into day, only for it to return to night in a matter of minutes, and vice versa. The light seemed to simply change based on what was beneficial to those who were present there.

Through his time in Arcadia, he found himself disquieted by... well, the quiet. His thoughts were solely his own, only sometimes accompanied by Sleep itself giving him guidance or reassurances that you and the others were still well. He desperately missed the background noise of having the connection between himself and the other inhabitants of the manor.

But his mission has been completed. The vegetation is healthy, as are the birds. Sleep informs him that it is time for him to return home, and Vessel is all too eager to comply.

As soon as he steps foot back onto the manor grounds, he feels the shift in the others. He can feel that they sense his presence, and his chest constricts with affection as he senses their elation at his return.

And, as fate would have it, it is you that finds him first.

You run to him, nearly knocking him over as you crash into him. Your arms envelop him in a constricting hold, though the pressure matters little to him as he reciprocates.

"Where have you been!?" you say, no anger to your voice. "I was worried sick!"

"I apologize, beloved," Vessel says softly. "Unfortunately my tenure in Arcadia lasted longer than I had anticipated."

"Yeah, no kidding," you say with a laugh. You pull away from him slightly, just far enough for you to move your hands to his jaw as you bring him in for a kiss.

The others find him (and you) not long after, joining in the embrace until there is one large circle of them on the manor lawn. III has extended his arms to wrap around the entire group, further squeezing the five of you together.

As the day extends on later, the others make many inquiries as to his time away. He hides nothing from them - he has no reason to - instead choosing to answer as best as he is able. Through it all, you are tucked into his side. The two of you cling to each other, grateful for his safe return.

That night, as all of you pile into the same large bed, Vessel shares quiet conversation with you once the others fall asleep.

"Words cannot describe how much I missed you, my heart," he whispers in the dark. "Had it not been for Sleep's reassurances that you were alright, I don't know how I could have managed."

"We worried about you, too," you reply. "Sleep kept telling us you were okay, but you were gone so long..."

"I know. It was not my intention. I simply kept finding things that needed to be uncovered and tended to before I could return."

"I understand. Still, I'm really glad you're home."

"As am I, my love."

Vessel kisses you again, drawing you close to him among the resting bodies of the others. Daylight will find the two of you still entwined, with neither of you making any move to change that.

[selfshipdatabase]

🌹Selfship Database Introduction!! 🌹

Hello, everyone! Inspired by other blogs such as selfshippersfromthissource and there being blogs with this kind of gimmick in the past, I wanted to try my hand at this—making a carrd that functions as a database sorted by source/fandom. While it can function as a way to find selfshippers in the same source or just wanting to see if someone ships from a certain source, I’d also like to see which sources are the most common within selfshippers!

Please reply/reblog/send an ask if you would like to be included! I will not include anyone who does not give me this kind of confirmation.  And below read more will be some ground rules going forth for this blog :-) of course, things can change as this database evolves, but these are the guidelines I am currently following!

1- While I understand this can and will impact results, I ask that those will label themselves as proshippers dni for my own personal comfort. i have no desire to entertain or be neutral toward incest, rape, pedophilia, whatever on my own blog. i have no desire to entertain people shipping with minors while they’re adults, rapists, fascists, pedohpiles, etc. While I try to stay in the know, I cannot simply know everything, so I will always assume 100% good faith unless I have proof otherwise. I can remove people from the database. However, outside of these reasons, unless you personally request to be taken off, I won’t ever remove anyone.

2- I will also refrain from including the following sources on my blog/database— countryhumans, hetalia, attack on titan, your boyfriend/boyfriend to death, the coffin of andy and leyley, degrees of lewdity, harry potter. Other than whatever is listed and anything that may apply to the first one, everything else is on the table. Whatever’s listed can be changed, but I would rather not blacklist a lot.

3- As there are some things that I won’t include and there’s some boundaries in place, I understand fully this won’t be a fully unbiased/100% accurate database. While I would like to see the data and to combine my interest in this kind of subject with selfshipping, this is purely for fun and a side project for me. Please do not use my blog as some kind of factual source (I mean, it’s a tumblr blog, so no matter… it’s not one lol) and please keep things lighthearted.

4- A source/fandom will be listed whenever there's two selfshippers for that source. Exceptions may apply if certain sources/fandoms are requested. Though, I won’t accept every request if there’s not enough selfshippers for a source.

5- For simplicity and not overworking myself, for this database, I will only include romantic and queerplatonic f/os. Queerplatonic f/os will be noted as such with (QP) by the character's name. If you want to he included, all I ask is there to be a public f/o list somewhere accessible on your blog. You don’t have to send it to me as long as it’s linked somewhere easy to find on your blog.

6- For the time being, some media will be lumped together, examples being Marvel, DC, Disney, Slashers, Tim Burton, etc. Some may be given their own section if there’s a notable amount of selfshippers for a certain media in that category and/or by request potentially.

7- For any updates to people’s f/o lists, I will try to schedule times where I personally look through them again and make any changes to keep the database current. It’s not required at all, but any heads ups would be appreciated! 

8- Anonymous is turned off for asks for my own comfort. If you send an ask that you don’t want answered or would like to have your url cropped out of, please include it SOMEWHERE in your ask, either at the end or beginning will work. Also, currently, messages are turned off. They may be turned on in the future if need be. Unfortunately, I cannot see shadowbanned blogs. Please be aware!

9- Please note that I am one person. I am also a selfshipper, a non-sharing one at that, but I am hoping to be able to push through if that ever comes up in order to make this database. There may be days where I’m not active on this blog or answering asks. Please be patient with me!! If I ever decide to step away from this project, I will make a clear post that states that exactly.

10- Now, as I am dealing with a large part of the community, I understand the risks that could occur with something like this. If something bad was to ever occur from this database (drama in general, me dealing with any strong negativity), depending on the severity, I will shut down this project. Especially if others are harassed for something. I do not tolerate harassment at all.

I may add more or remove some aspects in the future. For now, the carrd will be public with the sources in alphabetic order. Then, the urls and characters said selfshipper ships with will be in each section. Suggestions are welcomed for things I could add or change! Though, I may be picky with what suggestions I take to stay on task for this database.

[nicklloydnow]

“May I be permitted to say a few words? I am an Edinburgh graduate (MA 1975) who studied Persian, Arabic & Islamic History under William Montgomery Watt & Laurence Elwell Sutton, 2 of Britain ‘s great Middle East experts. I later went on to do a PhD at Cambridge & to teach Arabic & Islamic Studies at Newcastle University . Naturally, I am the author of several books & 100s of articles in this field.

I say all that to show that I am well informed in Middle Eastern affairs & that, for that reason, I am shocked & disheartened for a simple reason: there is not & has never been a system of apartheid in Israel. That is not my opinion, that is fact that can be tested against reality should anyone choose to visit Israel.

Let me spell this out, since I have the impression that many students are absolutely clueless in matters concerning Israel, & that they are, in all likelihood, the victims of extremely biased propaganda coming from the anti-Israel lobby.

Hating Israel

Being anti-Israel is not in itself objectionable. But I’m not talking about ordinary criticism of Israel . I’m speaking of a hatred that permits itself no boundaries in the lies & myths it pours out. Thus, Israel is repeatedly referred to as a “Nazi” state. In what sense is this true, even as a metaphor? Where are the Israeli concentration camps? The einzatsgruppen? The SS? The Nuremberg Laws?

None of these things nor anything remotely resembling them exists in Israel, precisely because the Jews, more than anyone on earth, understand what Nazism stood for. It is claimed that there has been an Israeli Holocaust in Gaza (or elsewhere). Where? When?

No honest historian would treat that claim with anything but the contempt. But calling Jews Nazis and saying they have committed a Holocaust is a way to subvert historical fact. Likewise apartheid.

No Apartheid

For apartheid to exist, there would have to be a situation that closely resembled how things were in South Africa under the apartheid regime. Unfortunately for those who believe this, a day in any part of Israel would be enough to show how ridiculous this is.

The most obvious focus for apartheid would be the country’s 20% Arab population. Under Israeli law, Arab Israelis have exactly the same rights as Jews or anyone else; Muslims have the same rights as Jews or Christians; Baha’is, severely persecuted in Iran, flourish in Israel, where they have their world center; Ahmadi Muslims, severely persecuted in Pakistan & elsewhere, are kept safe by Israel; or anyone else; the holy places of all religions are protected by Israeli law.

Free Arab Israelis

Arabs form 20% of the university population (an exact echo of their percentage in the general population). In Iran , the Bahai’s (the largest religious minority) are forbidden to study in any university or to run their own universities: why aren’t your members boycotting Iran ?

Arabs in Israel can go anywhere they want, unlike blacks in apartheid South Africa. They use public transport, they eat in restaurants, they go to swimming pools, they use libraries, they go to cinemas alongside Jews — something no blacks were able to do in South Africa.

Israeli hospitals not only treat Jews & Arabs, they also treat Palestinians from Gaza or the West Bank. On the same wards, in the same operating theatres.

Women’s Rights

In Israel, women have the same rights as men: there is no gender apartheid. Gay men & women face no restrictions, and Palestinian gays oftn escape into Israel, knowing they may be killed at home.

It seems bizarre to me that LGBT groups call for a boycott of Israel & say nothing about countries like Iran, where gay men are hanged or stoned to death. That illustrates a mindset that beggars belief.

Intelligent students thinking it’s better to be silent about regimes that kill gay people, but good to condemn the only country in the Middle East that rescues and protects gay people. Is that supposed to be a sick joke?

(…)

I do not object to well-documented criticism of Israel. I do object when supposedly intelligent people single the Jewish state out above states that are horrific in their treatment of their populations.

(…)

Israeli citizens, Jews & Arabs alike, do not rebel (though they are free to protest). Yet Edinburgh students mount no demonstrations & call for no boycotts against Libya , Bahrain , Saudi Arabia , Yemen , & Iran. They prefer to make false accusations against one of the world’s freest countries, the only country in the Middle East that has taken in Darfur refugees, the only country in the ME that gives refuge to gay men & women, the only country in the ME that protects the Bahai’s…. Need I go on?

(…)

Your generation has a duty to ensure that the perennial racism of anti-Semitism never sets down roots among you. Today, however, there are clear signs that it has done so and is putting down more.”

[thespianinthebackcorner]

We're all getting the "bodysnatcher ƎNA" theory wrong.

holy fucking sbjf it's nearly midnight but I have to put this out there.

We know that the world of ƎNA- both the series and the game- is in a digital space. simulation or just straight up the computer itself I'm not sure, but I am sure that to a degree everything we see is literal. That's how they live.

But I've just realised- maybe we're not thinking literal enough.

Even from the beginning, ƎNA has run on game software, the game is just the only time the audience has been able to access it. Wht aif that isn't just outside process information- but true for them, as well?

Think about it. Every character seems to stay in their place unless interacted with, or has their own code keeping them running where they need to be. We see them as NPCs.

Who do we see the world through?

ƎNA.

Unpredictable, wild, switching rapidly between mean and convincing, depressed and joyful. Able to go where they please and interact with who they wish. ƎNA have never been shown interacting with each other, but instead have been the vessel for the audience- the player- every time.

What if that's why they're hated so much?

In a world where, wacky as it is, everything is governed by code... ƎNA aren't. They're a manifestation of the organic, a tether from something so high up it's incomprehensible- true randomness in authenticity. They don't have code dictating where they go or what they say, they are the closest thing their world can fathom to an organic being- one that can change at hardly the drop of a hat.

The reason people hate them isn't just because they take over the bodies of their friends for their own.

It's because they take them for their own and change them. Change the world around them.

ƎNA are, and can only be, the main characters. The centre of the story, of the conflict. Trouble follows them, unpredictable trouble, a level of insanity everyone else's code can hardly keep up with.

They and the player are almost constantly one and the same, and that's why everyone hates them. It doesn't help that whenever they seem to leave the boundaries of the player for any reason other than interaction (i.e. Power of Potluck where it was all in third person) it's because they're heavily conflicted with themselves.

[slut4thebroken]

Exposure Therapy pt. 9

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane × reader

Summary | Dr. Crane finally gives you a reward.

Warnings | 18+, sexual content, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, breeding, kissing, grinding, face sitting, 69, finger fucking, praise, degradation, consensual sex, cockwarming?, this is as close as he’ll get in this fic to being submissive lmao.

Words | 3k

Notes | Kinky smut will be coming up in either chapter 10 or 11😏

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Part 8

When you woke up, it took a moment for you to remember where you were, but the second your gaze settled on the couch you were laying on, your stomach dropped. You had cried to him— cried on him. The thought made you want to crawl into a hole from embarrassment, but you tried to ignore it. 

You could see now that he dressed you while you slept in the clothes you brought from his place and when you looked over at him, he was fully dressed in a suit, bent over the desk, completely focused on something. It didn’t seem like you moved enough to alert him that you were awake so you stayed still, trying to come up with something to say. Should you apologize? Pretend nothing happened? Make a self deprecating joke about it?

“I know you’re awake. I can practically hear you overthinking from here.” He said suddenly. 

“Sorry…” You muttered, deciding to sit up on the couch now. Picking at your cuticles, you watched him anxiously, waiting. Should you go to him? He hasn’t looked up from his work yet… Maybe he’s just waiting for you to walk over?

“Um, I- I’m sorry… for my behavior.” You forced the words out. “I don’t know what came over me.” He turned to face you, but after staring at you for a moment, decided to walk over. You stiffened as he approached you— were you going to be punished? Yelled at again? He sat down next to you, but still gave you enough space so you didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

“There is no need to apologize. I pushed you to that state so I cannot fault you for any of your actions.” He said, tone neutral. 

“I still shouldn’t have,” 

“No. You are allowed to have emotions.”

“I know, but- I made you uncomfortable.” You argued weakly.

“I am the only reason you acted like that in the first place. There is no need to apologize.”

“Okay… So things are fine?” You asked tentatively, scared of his answer. 

“Do not expect to do it again under any other circumstance.” His tone wasn’t mean, but rather he was just setting a boundary. You couldn’t help but notice that he said “under any other circumstance,” not just “any circumstance.”

“That didn’t answer my question.” You said with a small smile that he almost returned. 

“Yes.” 

“And you’re not mad that I made you change what you were going to do again?” 

“You hardly made me do anything.” He scoffed. 

“Okay… Good.” You said awkwardly, kind of feeling like you disappointed him by not being able to take the punishment. You also still felt bad for making him uncomfortable— for crying on him and laying on his chest. Your behavior made him call you a fucking pet name for christs sake. 

“Y-you… You called me-“ 

“Anything I said was to soothe you.” He said, suddenly colder than before. 

“So you weren’t really proud of me?” You asked quietly, making him sigh. 

“You took the punishment adequately.” 

“Oh.” You replied meekly, looking at your lap. You didn’t like the way he revoked his praise and affection so easily. He let out another quiet sigh, but you didn’t look up at him yet.  

“Your performance was… satisfactory.” It sounded like he had to force the words out. “Anything I said at the time was genuine, but do not expect to hear it again.” You looked up at him, but he couldn’t meet your gaze. 

“Thanks.” You muttered, giving him a small smile when he finally looked at you. “I liked when you called me that.” You said tentatively, carefully studying his reaction. 

“Do not get used to such affections.” 

“Okay… But if you ever decide you want to keep calling me that, I’m okay with it.” You shrugged and he narrowed his eyes. 

“I am not going to call you some silly name.” It felt like you were being reprimanded for requesting something childish. 

“I like the silly name. You don’t call anyone else by a silly name, do you?”

“Of course not.” He scoffed, almost offended. 

“Good. Just me then.”

“No, not you either.” He sighed, getting frustrated with your lack of acceptance with his answer. You pouted, giving him puppy dog eyes, hoping you didn’t look like a fool. “Stop that.” It seemed like the face was working though. 

“Please?”

“No.”

“Just once?” 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“I will after you say it.” You said teasingly, giving him a small smile. 

“You are truly insufferable…” You waited eagerly, practically vibrating in anticipation. “Little one.” He muttered, looking away from you when your smile turned into a full blown grin. 

“It doesn’t count if I can’t hear you.”

“You’re pushing your luck.” He warned, but it almost seemed like he was teasing you back rather than giving you a genuine warning. 

“Please?” You pouted again, deciding to crawl onto his lap and straddle his legs, placing your arms on his shoulders as his hands settled on your hips. 

“Remind me why I brought you here?” He asked, annoyed. But not in a genuine way, in an almost playful way. 

“Because I make you come and I’m stupid enough to go to your place in broad daylight for you.”

“I suppose that’s true. I guess I do have a brave, eager pet. Wouldn’t you agree?” You nodded, eyes wide and breath caught in your throat from the new name. “Lost for words, little one?” He asked, tilting his head and rubbing his hands up and down your thighs. You let out a needy whine as you fisted his suit jacket and rolled your hips forward against his crotch. 

“Can- can I call you something too?” You asked, already breathless from the small amount of pleasure. 

“What did you have in mind?” 

“Your name?”

“Go ahead— try it out.” It took you a moment to register that he didn’t deny you like you thought he would. 

“Jonathan.” You whispered. 

“It doesn’t count if I can’t hear you.” He said teasingly. 

“Jonathan.” You whined, louder this time. 

“What do you think?” You hummed in thought. Something about the name just felt a little off. Maybe it was because it’s his full name rather than a nickname. 

“Jon.” You muttered to yourself. “Does anyone call you Jon?”

“Everyone refers to me as Dr. Crane or Scarecrow.” 

“Do you like “Jon?’”

“It is tolerable.” 

“Oh…” You said, visibly deflating in his lap. “I don’t have to if you don’t like it.” 

“I do not tolerate many things— that was a positive statement.” He quickly corrected himself, still making sure to keep his tone neutral though. 

“Oh. Do you tolerate me?” You asked, perking up a little again. 

“That is a foolish question that you already know the answer to.” 

“I know… I just like hearing it.” He sighed and for a moment you thought he wasn’t going to respond. 

“Yes, I tolerate you, little one.” A blush creeped up on your cheeks as you gave him a shy smile. “Satisfied?” You nodded, biting your lip to keep from grinning like an idiot. 

“Can I come today?” His brows shot up and you swore he was about to laugh.

“Someone’s getting bold.” 

“You didn’t let me last time.” You frowned. He hummed in thought and continued dragging his hands up and down your thighs, teasing you. 

“I suppose since you did such a good job taking your punishment, as well as staying quiet when we were in my office, you’re long overdue for a treat. Don’t you think?” 

“Yes please.” You said through a breath as you nodded in agreement. Snaking his hands behind you, he grabbed your ass to roughly push your hips against him, starting a slow, steady rhythm of grinding. 

“Whatever you want. Go ahead.” He said, making you falter as you stared at him in confusion. 

“What?” 

“Take whatever you want.” He explained, still leaving you dumbstruck. 

“Anything?” 

“Within reason.” He said teasingly. Flattening your palms on his chest, you slid them down before slowly dragging them back up, thinking. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“There’s no need to ask. Take whatever you need.” He said softly, eyes fluttering down to your lips. Grabbing his tie, you gently pulled him forward into a kiss. His hands moved back to your hips, not gripping anymore, just holding you as you continued grinding against his crotch. You let out a low moan from the friction and brought your free hand up to pull his hair, making him groan in response. When you eventually grew too impatient, you whined and pulled back. 

“Please.”

“If you want something, just take it, little one.” He whispered, making you whine even louder. Suddenly getting up, he eyed you curiously as you took off your pants and underwear, then hesitantly laid him down on the couch. You moved slowly, giving him a chance to protest or change his mind. When he didn’t, you slowly kneeled over his chest, watching his eyes darken as he focused on your cunt. You waited again for him to tell you to get off, but he never did. So you shuffled forward even more, then tentatively lowered yourself onto his mouth. He dove in eagerly, lapping up your arousal and circling your clit with his tongue to tease you. 

When you suddenly lifted off of him, he let out a grunt of displeasure, making your cheeks heat up. But you wanted to do something more than just this. You took off your shirt then moved to the floor and started working on taking off his belt, asking for assistance on the upper half of his body. Once he was as bare as you— which you still weren’t used to yet— you climbed over him again, this time facing the other direction. He cursed under his breath as you laid down, your face only inches from his cock. 

The second you lowered yourself onto his mouth, his hands wrapped around your thighs, not letting you move away again. You whimpered at the sudden intense pleasure and brought your hand up to start stroking his length, teasing him. When his hips bucked up, you placed your forearm over his upper thigh and put some of your weight on it to hold him down. He growled against your cunt and dug his nails into your thighs, making your gasp, then chuckle as you leaned down to suck the tip in your mouth. 

You liked having this power over him. Deciding how much you wanted to tease him- torture him… it was addictive. You wanted to make him beg and whine and moan, so desperate for you that he loses all control. 

Hollowing your cheeks, you moved farther down his length, only pulling back up when the tip met the back of your mouth. The movements of his mouth grew sloppy, unable to focus with the stimulation on his cock, but it didn’t matter. You were practically grinding against his face anyway. 

When he pushed a finger in your drooling hole, you let out a muffled moan, not expecting it. In retaliation, you moved your hand to cup his balls, gently playing with them until his hips bucked and he moaned against your heat. Another finger was pushing inside, stretching you open and curling against your walls to emit even more arousal. 

To reward him, you decided to take him all the way down for as long as you could force yourself to stay there. He let out a choked moan at the tightness of your throat and the hand holding your thigh squeezed again. You did your best to breathe through your nose and relax, but after another few seconds, you couldn’t control your gag reflex anymore and had to pull off of him. 

“Baby— I’m not gonna last if you keep doing that.” He muttered against your clit and your hips jerked at his words. 

“Neither am I if you keep calling me that.” You whined. When you lifted yourself off of him again, he let out a grunt of disapproval, trying to grab your hips to pull you back. “Fuck me.” You said through a breath, making him instantly release your hips to sit up. When you got a good look at his face, you almost moaned at the sight. His lips and chin were slick with your arousal and his spit, and his glasses were fogged up enough that he had to take them off and set them on the floor to continue.  

“How do you want it?” You bit your lip in thought. 

“Dealer's choice.” You finally replied and it seemed like he was about to protest, but decided against it. Grabbing a cushion from the back of the couch, he placed it down, then maneuvered you so your hips were over it as you laid on your stomach. He leaned over you, breath fanning against your neck as he lined up, then placed a soft kiss behind your ear. 

“Ready?” He whispered. 

“Please.” You didn’t have to tell him again before he was breaching your hole, making you whimper at how fucking full you felt in this position with your legs together. “Jesus-“ You choked out as he stilled inside you, buried as far as your cunt would allow. 

“Fuck me, Jon.” You said breathlessly and he cursed under his breath, but obeyed. He slid out slowly, still giving you a chance to adjust, then pushed back in just as slow. 

“God- You feel so good.” He moaned, forehead resting on your shoulder blade. “So fucking warm and wet, and a perfect fit for my cock, aren’t you?” You nodded as you scrambled for purchase when his thrusts sped up. “Like my own custom made fuck doll, huh, baby?” 

“Oh god yes.” You sobbed out, already feeling close from hearing that pet name again. He let out a low chuckle when he felt your walls fluttering desperately around his length. 

“Close already? Why’s that?” You couldn’t get a response out through your moans, let alone think of one in the first place. “Is it cause you like it when I pin you down like this? Force my cock in your tight little cunt and fuck you like a cheap whore. Is that it?” You let out another sob that turned into a vulgar moan when he suddenly grabbed your hair and yanked your head back. With his lips brushing your ear, he whispered, “Or maybe it’s when I call you baby. Is that what’s getting you so hot and bothered?” You did your best to nod with his grip in your hair, but he wasn’t satisfied. 

“C’mon, use your big girl words. I know you can.” He cooed, making your cunt pulse around him. 

“Jon,” You whined, squeezing your eyes shut as your mouth opened in a silent moan. “Please make me come- I’m so close, Jon, I need it.” You whimpered. He suddenly pulled out, making you whine loudly. He ignored your protest though and flipped you over, hooking your legs over his hips as he leaned back down and slid inside again. 

“Keep your eyes on me when you come, do you understand?” You nodded eagerly and he continued pushing in and out, getting deep enough that you knew you’d be able to see his cock bulging your stomach.  

“God- you look so pretty like this.” He whispered, eyes rapidly trailing over your face. You let out a low whine, feeling your face heat up. 

“Say my name.” The request was so quiet that you thought you misheard him. “Say it.” Not a request— a plea. 

“Jon,” You whispered, moving your hands to pull on his hair as your eyes fluttered to his lips. “Please kiss me.” He obeyed eagerly and you moaned into his mouth from the intensity of it— of everything really. A hand on your clit made you jolt with a surprised sound that he swallowed eagerly. 

“Oh god- Please can I come?” You whined, barely able to get the words out since he wouldn’t break the kiss to let you speak. “Please, Jon.” He pulled back, eyes squeezed shut as he panted, never stopping the movement of his hips or fingers. 

“Go ahead, baby,” He whispered as his eyes fluttered open to look at you. “Come for me- but remember what I said.” What you would’ve originally thought was a warning, was actually just a reminder— the closest he would ever get to saying please. 

Your orgasm crashed over you suddenly and you did your best to keep your eyes open through the pleasure. He stared down at you with furrowed brows and slightly parted lips, letting some moans escape. 

“Please come.” You gasped out, orgasm just barely starting to fade. “Please, Jon.” His lips parted even wider and then he was squeezing his eyes shut, still trying to keep them open though. His hips stilled completely inside you, staying deep to make sure you took every last drop of his come. 

When his body finally relaxed and he rested his forehead on your chest, you played with his hair. Both of you were still panting, a little sweaty, and definitely come drunk, but he didn’t seem to care at all. He swiftly turned you both over as he moved the couch cushion back, his cock never leaving you. You let yourself lay down on his body, your cheek on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and one of his hands came up to pet your hair, the other rubbing up and down your back lightly. 

There was a nagging thought, deep in the back of your brain, that you were trying to ignore, but it was growing louder the longer you laid there. This felt too good to be true. Like you’re dreaming and going to wake up back in your cell again. 

“Jon?” You asked quietly. 

“Hm?”

You didn’t want this to be a dream. You wanted him to hold you again and again, let you fall asleep in his arms, have normal conversations about everything and nothing. But most of all, you wanted him to feel the same way. To long for you so hard that his chest aches at the thought of losing you, the way yours does. You wanted him to— 

“I-“ You had to stop yourself from saying the thought that just popped into your head because you were scared of how he’d react to such a deep confession. “I just…” 

“I know.” He whispered, heart beating faster and harder in his chest. “Me too.”

Part 10

[theambitiouswoman]

I am someone with a desire to socialize/build relationships/network who has always had to deal with unprovoked envy, hidden animosity, general unprovoked mistreatment which has therefore made me withdraw and suppress a lot of my skills. I’ve experienced these things in social interactions and even interpersonal and familial relationships. while I can be self-assured, assertive and confident, I have a history of people-pleasing and I notice that this makes me more susceptible to the things I mentioned above. I have reflected on this and determined that most people have been intimidated by me/my talents but that the manner in which I go out of my way to appease people or just be graceful, kind, and soft-hearted in general or makes them feel comfortable enough to project that intimidation by disrespecting and attempting to belittle me.

I have dealt with people’s responses to me by embodying my masculine energy in order to self-protect (lots of anger). Do you have any advice or ideas for a consistent routine to help me truly begin assert boundaries, prioritize myself and not allow others to take me out of my true element (powerful, creative, self-confident) while also still dealing with said people? I have tried in the past but particularly in interpersonal relationship I fail, due to the way I carry extreme guilt for prioritizing myself and due to fear of abandonment.

I love this question, i've been dying to talk about this so thank you!!!

In my humble opinion, it seems like you are at a point where you have done work on yourself, are trying to improve and have learned how to become more aware of your surroundings. This is actually really great! My take away when I read it is that you are stuck in somewhat of what I like to call a limbo position.

And this is something that I didn't understand myself when I went through a lot of the same pain points you brought up.

Some of the main reasons you may be in this cycle is because, for one, you may be continuing in the same environment or meeting the same people in new bodies. Or you are handling the situations with new people the same way you did before. I think thats the point you were trying to make.

I just want to first say that you are not an intimidating woman. Get that out of your head because it sets a negative thought pattern and will subconsciously keep you in a loop where you are repeating cycles. You are only intimidating to the wrong people. You may be settling for less or selling yourself short in regards to your expectations with yourself or your self worth. I say this with love, obviously. It's probably not even something that you realize cause you really do seem to have amazing attributes. If you didn't, you wouldn't feel the way you do now.

However, I really suggest you stop trying to water yourself down to make others feel comfortable. Because that is really what its coming down to. You cant make a shoe thats a size smaller than you fit. Time to change your shoes because its obvious you have outgrown these environments and have not realized that you are capable of so much more. You are letting the guilt from this make you limit yourself and thats totally not fair for you.

Which leads me to your next paragraph.

The issue here seems to be the lack of emotional control. It is not what you say, but how you say it. And that occurs because we are not fully healed from whatever wounds, or not confident in ourselves. Either or, or both. You should be able to and can get to a place with yourself where you can assert yourself with a calm, straight forward tone and get the message across.

If fear of abandonment is your thing, you may be tying yourself worth to others. Maybe as a child, you experienced neglect, inconsistent care, or emotional disconnection that planted the seeds of your fear of abandonment. So you should maybe start by challenging the negative beliefs that stem from these experiences, such as “I’m not enough” or “People always leave me,” and replace them with affirmations like “I am worthy of love and connection.” Focus on self validation by meeting your own emotional needs, learning to comfort yourself during moments of insecurity. Express your needs and trust that doing so strengthens relationships rather than pushes people away. Change your perspective in the same way i referenced about you being intimidating, to abandonment as a natural part of life’s flow, so you recognize that it doesn’t reflect your worth. Work on your emotional independence by pursuing personal goals, doing activities you love and self love habits. This will help you build more confidence and resilience with interpersonal relationships so that when someone tries you, hurts you etc, you feel confident enough to be like, "yeah, you don't need to be in my life." vs being overwhelmed by emotion out of the fear of losing someone who is not treating you how you should be treated.

Hope this helped.

<3

[certifiedsexed]

Hi! So, I'm asexual. I know I'm asexual. Like, I didn't realize sex was something people my age were engaging in until I was in like grade 11 because I felt such a disconnect and assumed media just blew everything about sex way out of proportion. I'm also somewhere between sex repulsed and sex neutral. The thought of having sex either seems like and absolute chore (on good days) or is something that makes me feel- no joke- pure , visceral revulsion at the mere thought (on bad ones.) However, I WANT to want sex more than anything. I think on SOME days I'd be ok with being the recieving partner, but I'd never want to reciprocate (ESPECIALLY when it comes to oral sex, thats is something I have always had a really strong negative reaction to thinking about) but being willing to take it and not reciprocate out seems unfair to whoever I'd be with (i've been told it's selfish or rude when i've expressed this to friends), even if me engaging in any sort of sexual activity in the first place would be for their sake (relationships are about compromise and thats a compromise I'd be okay with). That said, I'm not sure a partner out there like that exists and I'm tired of the well meaning bullshit I get from friends being like 'you'll find someone who's gonna love you for you' because no, I haven't and chances are I won't. I'm biromantic, but I experience more attraction to women but still wouldn't really want to have sex with any of them, and considering theres a lot of buzz about how 'lesbian sex is the best sex' because both partners typically consistently and frequently get off, it seems like a bit of a reach to think I could find a girl willing to date me who doesn't want sex. Yes, other asexual folks exist, but considering i don't tend to advertize the fact I'm ace and because I don't dress in a way that could get me clocked as queer, I don't tend to meet a lot (read, any) ace people in my daily life. ANYWAY this is kind of a really in depth plea of me basically asking if there is any resource or literature that can teach me or make me not necessarily DESIRE sex (because I know that can't happen) but mentally become okay with engaging in sex. Like could I, a generally sex repulsed asexual, somehow become a sex favourable asexual through some sort of therapy or other means?

Hi!

Here's the thing, Anon. It's not unfair, selfish or rude to prefer not to reciprocate and/or "take it" during sex. That's just a preference. In fact, in the lesbian community, that's often called being a "stone bottom".

Your friends are in fact incorrect and you should know that having sexual preferences like that are never unfair or rude: you just have to communicate with your partner(s). It's literally fine.

But also, you're talking about being sex repulsed. Sex feels like a chore to you. It's not a good idea to look at sex as a chore you're willing to do for your partner. Especially when sex does make you feel ill often enough it's worth noting.

I'm not saying you can't do it but I am saying if you don't pay attention to your own boundaries, you might just wind up resenting your partner and not being able to tell where your "Hard No's" [As in boundaries that are non-negotiable and that you are not compromising on!!!] are.

It's okay if sex is a Hard No for you, even if it doesn't always make you feel ill. That's your right.

And yes, there is a lot of buzz about lesbian sex being the best. (Which partially has a lot to do with lesbophobia and the cisheteronormative views on lesbian sex "not even being sex".) But that does not mean it's a reach that another girl would want to date you without sex.

It doesn't have to be a girl who doesn't want sex, Anon; there are so many different ways to have sex and ways people enjoy it. For example, there are people who only enjoy masturbation or simply don't mind not having sex with others, especially if it means they can date someone they like.

I genuinely can't help you on finding something that will make you "okay" with engaging in sex and I'm really sorry, Anon.

You could try a sex therapist (they're supposed to be equipped for all manners of issues related to sex) but I don't feel comfortable pointing to any specific therapy methods when a lot of them are based in the idea people are "wrong" in some way for being sex repulsed and they're often hurtful and unhealthy.

But I can say that I'd really recommend joining some online ace communities, specifically with other lesbians/sapphics and talk to some other ace people there. This isn't a you issue, Anon, these are all very common worries that ace people, specifically alloace people have and it might help to talk to other people with similar experiences.

I wish I could help more. Let me know if you have any other questions, Anon. <3

[vonbabbitt]

What are the upsides to leaving yourself open like this to the community (answering questions, etc) and the downsides? Which do you find outweighs the other?

this is a really insightful question anon!!

i think there are definitely upsides and downsides and i definitely dont think leaving yourself open to the community is the best approach for everyone. heres what i could think of off the top of my head

upsides

im really grateful to have a community that does things like make fanart and write fanfic and make music. you guys contribute so much to the tetro fandom that i want to be able to return that respect to you in whatever way i can, and i feel like completely cutting myself off from the people who make fandom content feels ungrateful for what theyve given me! my word does carry some degree of weight within the tetro fandom specifically (since i made tetro) so if people get excited at seeing me respond to their art or their prompts then i wanna be able to give them that feeling in return for contributing

you guys have some really insightful things to say about tetro sometimes and i enjoy seeing how you interpret and process my writing, it gives me some thoughts on how i want to write in the future, what i did well and what i may be doing poorly

im a bit of a social person and i like to chat with you guys! its nice to feel like i have a place where i can share random thoughts with you guys and get conversational responses - i like connection!

i feel like some of the things i have to say can be helpful for people trying to go down a similar path to myself - by no means am i some beacon of writing or fangans or anything but if people like what i make and want to make something similar or have questions about the fangan community/creation process, i do feel like i have enough authority on the subject to advise accordingly!

downsides

the hate. theres not a ton of it, but when it does come up, its hurtful and stressful. im kind of hard on myself by nature so i really take that stuff to heart and can end up sitting on it for a while which isnt great for my general mental health

not every critique is something i need to see. again, im no beacon of writing, but sometimes people send me criticisms that are just blatantly incorrect or total misinterpretations of my work. im admittedly sensitive and seeing those critiques, even when i know theyre wrong, stresses me out. it makes me wanna jump in and be like "no!! its not like that!!! its like x!!" but i know i cant do that

scrutiny. once you go public with your presence as a creator, you are under constant scrutiny. people discuss you, everything you say and everything you do. it makes me nervous about saying or doing anything at all in tetro spaces, because i know its going to be picked apart and read into.

parasocialism. this one is the most uncomfortable of the downsides. people who try hard to become my friend not because of anything about me personally, but because i made tetro. people who think they understand me personally based solely on my online presence. ive had many many many people step over the boundaries of creator and fan throughout my time in tetro. it makes me really uncomfortable when people claim to know what im thinking or claim to understand me on this super deep level thats just disingenuous when theyve never even had a one-on-one conversation with me

honestly theres quite a few upsides and downsides. as strange as it might sound, my general advice to most fangan creators would be not to be so acccessible. the fangan community, for all the fun it houses and all the amazing creativity it produces, can be incredibly mean and often holds inexperienced creators to insane standards. i do feel like im held to an unfair standard in the fangan community - this is my first public project and im frequently insulted for not being on par with TV shows or AAA productions or things made by entire massive teams with budgets. i feel like in most other spaces, theres a certain expectation that people are just having fun and making content because they enjoy it, so im not sure why the opposite seems so prevalent for the fangan community

regardless, i do like being accessible, and i love my community, and i think the way i do things works for me. ive been learning when to pull back and how to process both valid critique and unnecessary cruelty. if you want to have a public presence, you have to learn the skills required to be accessible without being miserable. i think this is hard for a lot of people, so generally, i recommend keeping a low profile, but thats just the opinion of one random babbitt i suppose

[astroyongie]

☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ Goddess Worship: An Introduction of Hekate ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾

Note: Hey guys. I am indeed very late for the calendar but. life lately has been erratic and complicated. Today we have the last introduction of deities I work with/worship. This post is to provide some information about the deities but also how I work with them personally. Everyone has their own methods with the Gods, and you should do whatever feels right with you while also respecting the bases of the religions.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Historical Background:

Hecate (or Hekate) is a goddess from the Greek pantheon associated with magic, witchcraft, the moon, night, necromancy, and crossroads. Her origins are debated, but she appears in Greek mythology as a powerful and ancient deity, sometimes associated with the Titans or as a daughter of the sky god Perses and the star goddess Asteria. She is also linked to the pre-Greek civilizations, potentially from Thrace or Asia Minor, where her worship may have originated based on the most recent archeologic studies. As the deity of crossroads with the power of navigating between worlds, we find several counterparts on other mythologies/religions: Exu, Papa Ledga, Janus, Odin, Hubal, ect

Atributes and Symbols:

Torches: Hekate is often depicted holding two torches, symbolizing her ability to illuminate the unseen or unknown. Hekate is the goddess of magic, she is believed to be able to cross both the dead and living realm Keys: Mostly linked for her to be a guardian and also to hold secrets. Dogs: Dogs are sacred to her, especially black dogs who seem to be her loyal companions Snakes: they symbolize her connection to the underworld. Crossroads: Hekate is associated with the liminal spaces where three roads meet, symbolic of her power over transitions and the boundaries between worlds. Moon: Her magic is tied to the moon phases, which is why most people who worship her will perform rituals during the moon phases.

Worship and Rituals:

Deipnon: The Hekate's Deipnon was a monthly offering made at each new moon, where supplicants left food offerings (bread, cheese, eggs, garlic, and fish sometimes wine as well and basically what they had to offer in her honor) at crossroads to appease her and ask for her protection. Crossroads Shrines: Small shrines or altars to Hekate were frequently placed at the boundaries of homes, gardens, or towns, especially near crossroads. Worshipers would leave sacrifices like incense, honey, and eggs. Witchcraft and Magic: Hekate is invoked in spells, particularly those related to protection, divination, necromancy, and curse work. Her role as a liminal goddess gave her the power to grant access to the underworld and the unseen forces. However Hekate is a very strong presence and not for begginers as your spells can turn against you if you aren't experienced enough.

-> When worshipping Hekate, it is fundamental to make offerings during every moon phase to apease her energy and allow it to flow through you during your spells. An altar/shrine is mostly necessary if you want to work with her. Offerings can be given to her at her altar for three days before you can remove them and dispose of them in a crossroad for the wandering spirts.

-> Ideas for offerings: Wine, honey, bread, garlic, fish, eggs, keys, snake symbols or dogs symbols, blood, crystals tarot cards, prayers

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

"Greek Religion" by Walter Burkert "Hekate: Liminal Rites" by Sorita d'Este and David Rankine Marquardt, P. A. (1981). A Portrait of Hecate. The American Journal of Philology, 102(3), 243–260. https://doi.org/10.2307/294128 Boedeker, D. (1983). Hecate: a transfunctional goddess in the Theogony?. Transactions of the American Philological Association (1974-), 113, 79-93. Daşbacak, C. (2008). Hecate cult in Anatolia: Rituals and dedications in lagina. Anados 6-7/2006-2007 Studies of the Ancient World

[cripplecharacters]

Hi, I’m concerned about whether there is anything regarding disability that are strictly off limits for abled author to write about. For example, I know it’s meaningless for an abled author to write about what it means to be disabled, or the disabled experience. Is there anything else that would be infringing on boundaries & risk speaking over actual disabled authors? I know including non-POV disabled characters who just happen to be disabled are fine with proper research. But I feel as if I might be treading some risky ground here because I have a POV character who is disabled. Regarding that, I want to know if some things are off limits if I am abled myself (such as their personal feelings regarding their disability - it’d be odd if I didn’t mention this at all since they’re a POV character, but I don’t know to what extent/if i should explore this at all, especially since it’s a result of injury).

Hello!

Outside of the examples you gave ("what it means/how it is to be disabled") I don't anything is strictly and always off limits for abled writers in general because disabled people will have such a wide range of opinions* on this that it'd be impossible to know what you can and can't do - it's better to just do it well and thoughtfully if you do decide to go for it.

*Examples: I know disabled people who don't want people without their disability to write characters with it at all, no exceptions. I really heavily dislike abled writers putting their disabled characters through nightmarish levels of ableism because it feels like torture porn or at least as exploitative. Someone else will be fine with abled writers doing literally anything. Some people see all non-OwnVoices representation as inspiration porn. Disabled people are too big and diverse of a group to come to a specific consensus.

There are areas where I think they should be more careful, like in stories where a character suddenly becomes disabled, as that can easily turn into a plotline that focuses on how disability is bad due to the missing nuances of such an experience. Even putting aside that there's a ton of room for factual errors on how recovery or just the medical side of things in general looks like, I feel like it can be difficult to write this kind of plot in detail if you don't have experience in it. For this kind of thing I believe that sensitivity readers are a must if you want it to be a major part of the story. If it's a minor one then it can be okay, especially if you aren't going into the emotional nitty-gritty of the whole process much.

There's also the obvious topic of tropes that I think abled writers should avoid - but as you probably seen on our blog, there will always be exceptions to them. Example: I always say to not put your character with a facial difference in a mask - but in this post I said it was fine if XYZ happened. Nuance and all. But putting tropes in just to be "subversive" usually comes off as cheap, assuming that they actually are subversive in the first place (which they usually aren't).

Tropes are tools, and they can be used well if the writers put effort in, and especially if they ask the group that the trope itself affects. They are bad if they're done mindlessly and without care for actual disabled people, and at the end of the day it depends on how the writer decides to use them. Don't just assume that your case is "special" and "totally different" from all those people who do use them wrong - these two groups often end up as a perfectly circular Venn diagram. Check with disabled readers first.

Having a POV disabled character is completely fine in my opinion. It's not like we are a completely alien, unrelatable concept to abled people. It can be done well, but it does also require more thought and effort to be put in. Again, I think that sensitivity readers can be incredibly helpful in a case like this.

And I think that it is important for the writer to just look at the page and ask: do I know enough to write about the character experiencing X? Because sometimes the answer will be no, and that's fine. Not even stories written by disabled people will touch on every single aspect of the disabled experience because it's so incredibly wide that there would be no place left for actual plot.

We also don't just sit around and think about how we feel about our disabilities. Sure, deciding how your character feels about it in the vague sense is helpful for characterization, but there's a ton of disabled people who treat their disability as a complete non-event. People like us who mod a blog about disability representation are very much a minority. Your character could just be like "oh yeah I guess I do use crutches, but it's been 10 years so I keep forgetting about it" and only actively think about that when the actual situation calls for it.

Your character could be 100% neutral about their disability and just think of their cane as something they carry around the same way they do with their house keys, or could be So Positive and make sure their cane compliments their outfit just right every time they leave the house. What I'd advise against is a character who dislikes their disability. Again, it can be done well if there's a lot of effort involved, but it's really not something I look forward to when we're talking about abled writers. Even if their intentions are good, or even if they want to show the diverse spectrum of disability (which again, is true! There absolutely are people who feel purely negatively about theirs), it feels weird. Like, why is this the story you want to tell? I think that in 99% of cases those kinds of characters are better left off to disabled writers who can actually offer something fresh to this.

Last thing that I want to add: unless you're writing about ableism, or time-accurate historical fiction, don't use slurs. If you want to refer to some things that use any of them (e.g. Cripplepunk) either shorten them (CPunk), beep the slur out, or at the very least acknowledge that they are slurs.

I hope that this helps,

mod Sasza