#i am mentally ill for him so bad holy shit

[identity-theft-101]

@officialdaydreamer00 PSPSPSPS-

EeL

I saw this costume at Halloween City and yeah

[mrfoox]

My boy... Fabian... Needs help im crying

[ohanny]

stabby murder husbands kentakim au!

does this make much sense? no. is it going to be long? yes. am i sometimes very happy about what my mentally ill lil brain cooks up while i sleep? very much so.

tony chen is a rotten super villain in every universe but in this one kenta was his assassin until he finally had enough, turned on his master during the bloodiest night known in these circles, john wick style, and then disappeared off the face of the earth. was tony running the high table? how deep does the lore go? who knows. i was asleep. my brain did not have the capacity to figure it all out.

flash forward some years. kenta is living a normal life. he has a boring office job. he’s reconnected with babe, his estranged brother who ran away from home at the first sight of sketchy activities and was spared from all of tony’s bullshit. unfortunately for kenta, babe - happily married and pregnant - is channelling all his extra hormones and boredom into a mission to socialize his hermit crab of an older brother.

which is how kenta ends up eating dinner in babe and charlie’s warehouse loft of doom, sitting opposite of kim - a regular customer at the couple’s garage and a casual friend. it’s an awkward affair because a) kim can't stop staring b) babe keeps shooting these looks at kenta all “see, i brought you a hot ginger, do something with it” and c) kenta would much rather be at home. unsurprisingly, when kim offers him a ride home at the end of the evening, kenta says no.

this turns out to be a bad call because on his way home, kenta gets jumped. it happens sometimes - after all, he was tony’s weapon for over a decade and made a lot of enemies, no one can escape their past without occasionally being haunted by it. except this time when he limps out of the alleyway, clutching a minor stab wound on his side, there is a car idling by the pavement.

it's kim, rolling down the window and telling kenta to get his ass in. against his better judgment kenta does.

kim speeds off the scene of the crime with the kind of ease and confidence kenta has only ever seen from babe. it quickly becomes apparent that he knows way more about kenta than he should because he starts asking about cameras and when kenta just stares blankly - bleeding all over the nice upholstery - kim laughs and says “don’t worry, even if you got a bit rusty and missed one, i know a guy. or two. since they live with me you'll meet them soon anyway.”

and fuck, kenta should have just trusted his instincts instead of chalking kim making him nervous up to having someone so pretty pay any level of attention to him. he finally finds his voice (and lowkey also his knife) and demands to know who the hell kim is or if he's even called that. “oh i am,” kim answers gleefully, “and you could say i’m a… freelancer.” which, great. just amazing. kenta is being kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter and his day officially couldn't get any worse.

… but it does. because once they reach their destination, the second he's ushered into an apartment he's greeted by an obnoxiously loud scream of “holy shit, he actually did it!” followed by a slightly less obnoxiously loud “our kimmy here is a big fan!” and then “oh fuck he’s bleeding all over the place, get the med kit dumbass!” and kenta realizes he wasn't kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter. he was kidnapped by a fucking fan boy. on the bright side they do seem to be capable of basic wound care so there's that.

(yes, the trio is living their best mercenary vigilante life. kenta’s purge of tony happened right as kim was getting into the game and he went full “holy fucking shit, this man took down tony fucking chen and got away with it?” and basically became obsessed with the legendary lore of john wick kenta. so imagine how pumped he was when babe of all people introduced him to his ultimate murder crush goals)

kim: obviously you'll need to stay the night since you're so injured. You can have my room. i’ll just sleep with north and sonic.

kenta: …

sonic: you have a problem with three men sleeping together?

kenta: … no?

north: great! but if you hypothetically did you could ask kim to share with you instead because trust me, he's like super interes -

kim: shut up or i’ll evict you.

north: pls, whose day job is paying the bills here since you only take on charity cases?

kim: my name is on the lease! and i'm being a good person!

sonic: honey, you kill people.

this is where i got with my dream sequence but other things that just make sense in this verse:

the first person kim ever killed was winner. he was a toxic college hook up who kim dumped after few gos but who wouldn't take no for an answer. kim could have dealt with him being a dick on campus but then he started harassing kim’s dorm mates, north and sonic and kim just… snapped.

it all came to head on an alley behind a trashy gay bar. winner tried to grab sonic and kim honestly just meant to beat the shit out of him but went too far. when they read the news the next day it's weird. none of them regret it. they’re happy about it. and when no one knocks on their door to ask any questions, they realize how easy it actually is to get rid of a bad person.

the second person kim kills is a campus dirtbag who likes slipping shit into girls’ drinks and taking them home. they plan it all together but kim goes out alone and after… he's a mess. winner was a crime of passion in the heat of the moment but this is something different. he's all keyed up. he can't settle down and paces around their living room. a man is dead and he thinks he got off clean but only time will tell. he's nervous and elated and half-hard and full of adrenaline and it's sonic who nudges north and goes “look at the poor thing, we should take care of him.”

the night ends with kim’s head on sonic’s lap, sonic’s fingers in his hair, telling him he did well and he's so good when he cries as he's getting fucked into the mattress by north. kim wakes up sandwiched between them, in a mess of limbs. he has a very brief freak out about what the happened - the sex, not the murder - but north shushes him, telling him it’s not a big deal. “we love you, hyungie” sonic shrugs and pecks his cheek. “you two get some more rest and i’ll bring breakfast, okay?” and that's that.

needless to say kenta is in for a culture shock with the northsonickim arrangement. like he's taking a shower with kim and things are getting good when sonic barges into the bathroom, yanks the shower curtain back and goes on a rant of “kim, you gotta tell north to do the laundry because it was his turn but he forgot and now my favorite pants still have cum stains on them!” and kenta is like “um, excuse us?” but kim just rolls his eyes and proceeds to yell for north and then has an entire damn conversation with his dick out while kenta just stands there all 🧍‍♂️. (after he's done chewing north out for the laundry, he turns to sonic like “and you! we talked about this! kenta is new, we don't want to spook him!”)

the whole murder thing will be another conflict. kenta is happily retired. he killed because that's what he was raised to do and he didn't have any other options until he did. kim though? kim kills because he wants to. kim kills because he believes certain people deserve to die.

kim: i have a date with a wife beater at 2am. wanna come?

kenta: stop calling them dates. and you shouldn't be so… flippant about it.

kim, smirking while pulling on his leather gloves: don't tell me you never enjoyed it.

while kenta’s kills were always obvious hits, done using knives and guns, kim likes to deliver justice personally. he warms up using his hands and finishes the job with whatever blunt object he can pick up.

one time kenta’s boring office job takes him out of town for business and kim is climbing the walls. he calls kenta all “please quit and just become a hit man again, the pay is better and you'd be home when i need you” and kenta sighs because yes, his job is boring but he's trying his best to be normal and he has a morning meeting. so he tells kim to go occupy himself with north and sonic

kim: wait.. What?

kenta: don't you guys have sex with each other all the time?

kim: we did, BEFORE i met you

kenta: … huh. well. go fuck or get fucked or whatever before you start hunting pedestrians for stress relief.

kim: is this a trap?

kenta: no? i would never mess with whatever the three of you have.

Kim barging into north and sonic’s room, growling at them to take their clothes off and sonic’s first reaction is “oh shit, they broke up” but then kim’s like “dick first, rings second, i’m going to wife that man so hard he won't know what hit him” and everyone cheers and no one feels bad about having a pre-engagement celebration threesome not involving one of the grooms.

also, pete? did he step up after tony’s death? does he run a business like the continental? is way his weird attic wife that fucked himself over in the business and now can't step a foot outside the hotel without getting his brains blown out the less fun way? in any case he would have an eye on both kenta (because their whole… brotherhood) and kim (because kim is a wild card and truly independent and neither follows nor knows the code).

[angelsnkisses]

sub gabriel smut where he just needs a lot of praise??? and like reader is giving him a handjob and telling him not to move but he accidentally thrusts up his hips and reader calls him a bad boy n he s like nononnonono im your good boy:((

A/N: i love this idea :(( ofc anon, ty for the request <3

Good Boy ♡ - Gabriel x gn!reader

‼️ NSFW - MDNI ‼️

warnings: sub!gabe, dom!gn!reader, handjob, edging

disclaimer: i am not romanticizing or sexualizing mental illness, nor do i intend to upset or harm those struggling.

holy shit sorry for the gifs quality 😭

You had worked late that night, and you were so excited to finally be home. You had missed Gabe all day, craving a hug from him more than anything.

You shuffled into the apartment from the freezing cold outdoors, shuddering gently as you shut the door. The heated living room was comforting, warming you up as you slipped off your jacket.

You didn't call out for Gabe, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep by now. You wouldn't be surprised if he was, it was later than you expected. You quietly walked down the hall, opening the bedroom door as slow as you could manage.

Light from the hallway leaked into the dark room. You were right, Gabe was already asleep. You kicked your shoes off, stripping down to your underwear before getting in bed with him and cuddling close to his chest.

He whined softly at the disturbance, his eyes blinking open. When he processed that it was you, his irritated face relaxed immediately, a sleepy smile breaking out across his lips. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close.

"Hi, baby," he mumbled, pushing his face into your neck so he could kiss the soft skin. You hummed, heart swelling with adoration. He was so sweet, always happy to see you. It always made you feel better, no matter how bad your day was.

"Hey there," you chuckled, hands falling on his shoulders. You rubbed them gently, enjoying the warmth he was providing. "I missed you," you added, feeling him nip at your neck a bit.

"Mhmm.. I missed you, too," he agreed, clearly distracted. You grinned, your hands slipping to his chest. He was getting more eager with his movements, pulling you closer and biting your neck lightly.

"I can tell," you giggled, pulling back. He huffed in protest, trying to get his lips back on you. You held him back with your hands planted firmly on his torso, shaking your head. "No, no.. that's not how you get what you want, honey," you cooed, and it was like a switch flipped in his mind.

"I've needed you all day. Please," he begged quietly, sounding more awake now. You could feel his hands running up and down your sides, making you shiver gently.

You pulled back, tugging him up so you were both in a sitting position. You leaned on his shoulder, looking down at his pajama pants. He was already semi-hard, making your lips twitch into a smile.

"My pretty boy, were you waiting for this? You poor thing.." you pitied in his ear, listening to his shaky breaths. He whined softly, embarrassment tinting his tone as he nodded. You pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, one of your hands rubbing his thigh lovingly.

"Use your words, hm?" you encouraged, ignoring his humilated little noises. He parted his shaky lips, forcing out an agreement.

"Y-yes, I was."

You smiled at his obedience, allowing your hand to tug on his pants. "Good boy, Gabe.. take these off for me," you ordered. More blood rushed to his dick at your words as he scrambled to do as you said, pushing the pants down before pulling them off his legs. He didn't have underwear on, making you bite your lip absentmindedly.

He was almost fully hard now, precum leaking from his tip as he shuddered, cold air hitting the sensitive area. He attempted to turn away and hide his face again, but you shook your head, your hand inching closer and closer to where he needed you.

"No, Gabriel. Watch what I'm doing, like a good boy," you motivated quickly.

He whined again, but still did as he was told. He thrived off your praise, he needed it. He would do anything to earn it.

You took hold of his throbbing cock, his hips jerking when your cold fingers wrapped around the heated skin. You sighed at the weight in your hand, not realizing how much you'd really missed it.

"I need you to be still, baby. Can you do that for me?" you asked gingerly. He nodded, his eyes watching your hand as he was told. "Yes, I can do that f-for you," he muttered shyly, earning another kiss to his shoulder.

"Hm, good.." you said before you started pumping your hand slowly, listening to the low moan that left Gabe's throat. His head feel back, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. He remembered your order to keep watching and quickly corrected himself.

"Such a pretty cock, just aching for me," you mused. He let out a shaky whimper, trying not to move when you started speeding up.

He moaned loudly when your thumb brushed over his reddened tip, involuntarily bucking his hips up into your touch. You stopped moving, tutting in disappointment.

"Oh, no.. what did I tell you? Bad boy.." you scolded in a quiet voice, looking up at him. His eyes widened as he shook his head, his eyes watery at the lack of touch.

"N-no! Nononono, I'm your good boy- please, I won't do it again. I'm s-sorry, please. I'll be good! I'll be good, please," he begged in a cracked, panicky voice, a couple tears slipping down his red cheeks. You had never seen him beg so frantically before, he must of been really pent up.

You shushed him, leaning up and pressing a silencing kiss to his trembling lips. He kissed you back, his eyes squeezing shut. He released a broken moan against your lips when you started moving your hand again, faster this time.

"Oh, f-fuck! Mmh, please," he whimpered, the sound music to your ears. He was extra good for you, pulling back to watch what you were doing. He stayed still for you, other than his dick occasionally twitching in your hand.

"A-ah.. I'm gonna cum, fuck," he moaned, his voice shaky and his whimpers more consistent.

"Yeah? Hold on a bit longer, baby. Be a good boy and wait," you purred, ignoring his whines. "I can't! Please, I can't," he cried, his legs trembling and his lower abdomen spasming.

"Yes, you can. I promise you can," you assured him, your hand stroking him feverishly. He was fighting back his orgasm for dear life, praying he didn't accidentally finish against your orders.

You tormented and edged him for a bit longer before leaning up, pressing a kiss to his cheek before your lips moved to his ear.

"Alright, baby, you can cum for me. Good boy," you mumbled, feeling his cock throb as he moaned. He tossed his head back, a whimper escaping the back of his throat as he released white, sticky ropes of cum all over your hand and his torso. His hips pushed up a little, but you didn't mind anymore. You just let him get through the orgasm, kissing his neck.

"Oh my god, oh shit~ thank you, th- oh, thank you," he moaned pathetically, slumping against you.

You smiled when he turned, catching his lips with yours in a slow, affectionate kiss. He had done so well for you, and you were immensely proud.

"Good job, baby.." you started, pulling back. You looked at your cum soaked hand, beginning to lick it clean while you held his eye contact. He moaned quietly at the sight, his dick pulsing subtly.

You leaned your head down, lolling out your tongue and beginning to lick up the salty cum from his abdomen. His breath hitched, his dick already starting to harden again at the sight.

"My turn," you said against his skin, slowly moving up so you could hover over his cock..

**

A/N: sorry for robbing you guys 🤭🤭. i loved this request, it's so sweet! i haven't proofread this yet, but i hope you enjoyed <3. thanks again, anon!

[daawwn]

geordi n cutie (moreso geordi) cuddling headcanons

(because i'm sick of only having angst on my feed)

so lets start off with the basics

geordi is the BIGGEST cuddler like

ever

when hes next to cutie on the couch or the bed

IMMEDIATELY wrapped up beside them

and its the cutest thing on earth

like hes got blankets pulled up and asking cutie if they want snacks

do they need water

literally whatever

hes the whole package

he is going to make sure they are both comfortable when they cuddle

checking in w/ them constantly

making sure they’re not too hot or cold

giving them kisses

like

SO many kisses

forehead

the cheek

neck

anywhere he can reach he’ll kiss

UGHH hes so sweet i hate him/j

those weren’t really basic (they were) but anyway

was kinda arguing with myself bc i couldn’t really figure out if geordi would be a big spoon or little spoon

and honestly

he dgaf 💀

he couldn’t care less

literally as long as they are within close proximity

there won’t be a single complaint

if cutie wants to be big spoon: 🫶

if cutie wants to be little spoon: 🫶

he absolutely adores being wrapped up with them

especially in winter

AND ITS SNOWING??

holy shit he just blew up

like he just exploded

cutie being an empowered mf and being able to produce fire (and

whatever else)

their body can and will be used as a heater

all i can think about is them laying down on the couch

hot cocoa (or your preferred drink in the winter) on the coffee table,

still steaming

a heavy ass blanket on top of both of them

cutie laying on their back with their arms thrown around geordi’s neck, occasionally kissing the top of his head

or one hand in his hair (also big hc of mine: geordi has curly hair), playing with it and softly pulling out small knots

as geordi is literally in heaven with his personal oven, body on top of cutie’s with his arms circled around cutie’s back

his head on on their chest, listening to their heartbeat as they watch home alone for the 46th time

EWW theyre so gross i wanna eat them

moving on from that

i also feel like geordi is super playful

he bites

affectionately

he cannot contain his love

his absolute infatuation

to just bite them

AND ITS SO RANDOM

like its not like he’d be kissing cutie n then it would turn into bites

its just out of nowhere 😭

nd if cutie isn’t reading his mind

omg i forgot about cutie actually being able to read minds bye

ill get onto that later

BUT

when cutie isn’t in geordi’s mind

they literally jump

its not like he was trying to bite a chunk out of them

but still 💀

also if cutie decides to get up during any of their cuddling sessions

he will drag them back

he’ll have a war in his mind about being clingy or too much

but he’ll still drag them back

especially when they just got comfortable??

like where tf are u going?? 🤨

i love my silly little overthinker

OH

and back to when cutie’s in his mind

its mental warfare

specifically early into the relationship

imagine the first time they’re cuddling

jesus

he’s actually panicking so bad

like they barely get situated

and he’s just

“oh my god”

“oh my god” 

“what am i doing?”

“why am i doing?”

“where do i put my hands?”

“is this an awkward angle?”

“i can’t”

“why is this so difficult??”

“they’re so warm”

“and they smell good”

“ew now you sound like creep”

“but they’re my partner?”

“don’t care, still weird”

“i’ve done this before, why can’t i just”

“..just what?”

“just, i just want to just”

something like that

but his thoughts probably go silent when cutie cover both of them in a warm blanket n snuggle up close to him

his mind literally goes blank

hes so smitten its crazy

but later down the road he’s gotten more accustomed to cuddling and doesn’t question his life after a single hug

he gives cutie small praises in his mind

especially after they’ve had a long ass day at work

he’s willing to help them relax

drinks, something to eat, words of affirmation, kisses, massage, bath

anything for cutie to be at ease

all in all hes perfect and i want him

if somebody out there is exactly like geordi hmu 🤭

i think thats it, that was such a brain dump

i need myself a geordi within the next 2 minutes or else im gonna implode/srs

i have so much in my brain its insane

probably gonna post more since im on break 🤷🏾‍♀️

[eazy-peazy54]

My problem with the Will Wood fandom, (a.k.a touch grass, a.k.a stan culture can suck it) (an essay.)

This one is LONG and a DOOZY, so buckle up if you like to read.

just want to clarify, i do NOT hate the will wood fandom in itself. AT ALL. I love you guys (/p)

i just dislike the people who say weird and creepy shit. if that doesnt apply to you, cool! but tell the people who do that shit to knock it off.

NO DISCOURSE IN THE REBLOGS I WILL ATTACK YOU

One HUGE gripe I have with the Will Wood fandom is how some of you guys treat Will Wood like (and this is literally the only way I can put this that isn't too serious) some all-powerful deity of knowledge that you would kill AND die for. In this essay, I will explain why [some of] you are fucking creeps.

Will Wood. Where do I begin. For the very few who are unaware, Will Wood is a singer-songwriter who makes very strange avant garde whatchamacallit evil jazz/swing music. He has been known as Will Wood since 2015, where he released his first album, Everything Is A Lot, under the name Will Wood and the Tapeworms.

Me personally, I first heard of him from the song Dr. Sunshine Is Dead, from the good old days of 2018 animation meme Youtube.

Ever since the inevitable Tiktokification of the song I / Me / Myself, from The Normal Album, the Will Wood fandom has become... well.. full of children. I have no place to speak, of course, because I myself, am a teenager, but I'm talking like. 11-14 year olds.

11-14 year olds who are all fucking INSANE.

Will Wood has been put in what I like to call;

The Holy Trinity.

This being the big three artists who the mentally ill queers (like me) listen to.

Lemon Demon, Tally Hall, and of course, Will Wood.

Being in this holy trinity has both done him good, and bad. On the positive side, yay!! More streams, more plays, more people to appreciate the craft, and more people who like the music! On the negative side, now you have an army of children listening to adult music, interacting with adult music and music videos, who are willing to do ANYTHING to get your attention, because they are young and don't know much better.

And here, stuck in the middle of it all, is poor William.

Stuck as a straight "gay icon," in a sea of twelve year olds.

Well shit.

---

Leading to the second part of my half-essay.

2020. The year shit changed for Will Wood. The Normal Album was released, and people found themselves relating to I / Me / Myself, as stated before. Then this "new," unheard of fandom was kind of birthed upon Tiktok. They were treating him like fucking jesus.

Which is weird.

They were sad, gay, looking for answers, and found them in Will's music. Which is like. Cool!

But when people were saying that he was trans, and then switched up and said he was making fun of trans people?

Yeah. Not that cool actually.

Coming back to the present now, Will has stated how weird these kids are.

In a response from a AMA for In Case I Make It on the official Will Wood subreddit, (I know. Ew, gross, Reddit, but this post was what inspired me to make this in the first place, so,) Will says this:

---

"When I was living in the sticks along the Delaware during the pandemic, I had this weird sort of mystical thing going on inside my head that was trying connect dots in my life and turn meaningless nothing things into signs that I would die.

This was happening around the same time I was dealing with getting actual public attention for the first time, and was living in an area where nobody wore masks, and was living with people who were at risk of serious covid complications if they caught it. Also for most of it I was the dreaded 27, and having been a bit of a junkie in my younger years and an idiot with a barely-treated psychiatric wreck in my brain for most of the ones following it, it was not unlike me to assume I'd die young.

It just seemed too perfect.

As I was dealing with the reception of the normal album (my first truly scathing reviews, I/Me/Myself "discourse," being the subject of conversation on a larger scale) which was beyond what I was prepared for psychologically in terms of its scope and type, my anxious rumination started to veer toward genuine paranoia.

I started thinking that I would die by my own hand or be murdered by one of these crazed Will Wood fans in the dead of night. So I didn't sleep like ever, I lost a bunch of weight and couldn't gain it back for a while, I freaked out a whole bunch and I'm surprised looking back I never lost my sobriety or whatever.

Since it started to look more and more like cosmic fact that I was doomed, I started to feel greater and greater desperation to get out these songs that I had been quietly writing over the previous year or two. Songs I'd written while going through a big breakup and wrestling with rotten parts of me that were finally accessible due to my finally being properly medicated and dealing with the real shit in therapy. And then songs I'd written as I went through these changes."

---

Obviously that is a lot to unpack for a Tumblr essay, but since you’re this far, you probably read it all already.

“Stans,” as most would call them, and “Stan Culture” as a whole, is just a huge wreck. Everyone is always fighting someone. We know this. We all do. Stans scare artists. 

I want you to think. Think of the artists who are inspired by Will Wood. The ones who want to cater out their music to the Will Wood fans. Imagine if you will, those artists seeing that AMA post, seeing the crazed fans, seeing the relentless sexualization, the jokes about serious issues, like Will’s past drug use, seeing all of this and thinking:

“Is it really worth it?

Is it really worth all of this to make music and put myself out there?”

Now, that may make you uncomfortable, but it's the honest truth. And it's happened to so many people, and so many artists. 

---

And now a message to the disgraced kids who managed to latch on to Will Wood’s music.

Treating a musical artist like a god is not gonna help anyone. I’d know. I’ve seen it happen multiple times, to multiple artists. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is think before posting on the internet. Think to yourself; would I say this to the artist's face? Could someone see this and think differently of me? Is this just weird to say in general?

Remember that these people are real people. Will Wood is a real person. With real thoughts. real feelings. a life to live. He's not just some music making machine. He’s not just some silly character. He’s not just some whimsical guy who we can all project onto.

Will Wood is a real person, and everyone should treat him that way. 

Thank you for reading.

(I will edit this essay if I think of anything else to add. That or I'll just reblog it.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being frustrated with my dad's procrastination and finally calling him out on it?

I (25 f) live with my dad (50ish? Too mad at him rn to check, m) because of mental illness rendering me unable to work due to lack of treatment, until now.

Recently, after I had to be taken to the emergency room for a ruptured ovarian cyst that I'd needed checked out for years prior to it popping, I decided on a whim to bring up my mental illness during the follow-up with my doctor, which put me on a very fast track to getting diagnosed with severe ADHD and prescribed medication (more specifically 5 mg of Adderall twice daily). And let me tell you, holy shit, it was like a miracle, I didn't even know medication could act that fast.

Well, long story short, it fixed my time blindness and made me consciously aware of my dad's long-standing bad habit of perpetually putting things off until "next weekend", affecting several major things both recently and not, including my ovarian cyst that I knew I had for years but couldn't go to the doctor for on my own because my car was perpetually in use by my sister or broken down, picking up my prescribed medication for said ovarian cyst because my car broke down ages ago and he never taught me to drive a stick, fixing my car or paying someone to do it for that matter (I can't afford it on my own), teaching me to drive in the first place when I came of driving age, my prior autism diagnosis (which itself took years to ever get done), several attempts at homeschooling that fell apart because we both forgot about it simultaneously, at least one broken bone that I can remember, and yes, the ADHD that I could only get diagnosed because I piggy backed off of an actual medical emergency.

Needless to say, I am not happy about that, so with my new executive function in hand, I confronted him. I basically laid out that I didn't think it was normal to procrastinate that badly for years and that he should consider getting evaluated for ADHD too because it's hereditary and I had to get it from somewhere, and added that if they put him on Adderall too it might help him write his book.

However, my dad accused me of talking like an addict (it's only day 2) and threatened to call the doctor and make him change the dose or take me off Adderall (my dad can't do that and I'm contractually obligated to stop him if he tries). When I pointed out that the dose I was given isn't even remotely enough to cause an addiction this early and that it felt like he was upset with me for being able to confront him now, he told me to back off and that I was acting like a jerk, and he demanded I talk with my doctor about alternatives (my doctor very specifically had me start on Adderall because he didn't think anything else would be effective--and given my understanding is that the alternatives would make every other brain function as bad as my memory and executive function so they're not as bad in comparison and not even fix the lethargy and excessive sleeping, uh, I think I agree). Note, he doesn't usually act like this at all.

I know that Adderall's side effects include irritability and I've always been bad at self-evaluation when I'm mad, so I've decided to take to the Internet to ask--aita?

What are these acronyms?

[scarabsinthestardust]

Tender // Ch. 3

MASTERLIST

word count: 1600+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: descriptions of child abuse; religious violence; language; anxiety; jealousy; arguing; brief suicidal/homicidal ideations; undiagnosed unspecified mental illness

When newborn babies are baptized, the process typically involves the priest or minister sprinkling or pouring the blessed water over the infant, while announcing the baptism ‘in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.’ In Eastern Orthodox and Eastern Catholic traditions, the child is fully immersed in water, which seems dangerous, but recorded events of injury or death during the ritual are rare, to say the least. It’s generally safe for the child, barring any complications or underlying issues. But when the young boy’s mother mentioned baptism, her intentions were much more sinister.

He'd heard the water running as the bathtub was filled. He was told not to be afraid, that fear was the Devil’s work. He was ordered to behave, and do as he was told, and he would be cured. He wasn’t sick, he wanted to argue, but he knew better. Talking back would only worsen his punishments; he rubbed a sore spot on his jaw and waited for his mother to call him.

The bathroom was humid, the air thick, and the mirror fogged up. Wisps of white steam could be seen rising from the water’s surface. He wanted to be obedient. Maybe they’d love him, then. But still, he hesitated, provoking Mother’s anger. She grabbed him, her too-long fingernails leaving marks on his arms, and dragged him to the edge of the tub. She lifted him, far from gently, and plunged him into the hot water. The boy screamed as it scalded his bare skin. He instinctively fought in an attempt to be released, every nerve in his body protesting against the pain. He was only a child though, and he was no match for the grown woman that held his small frame against the bottom of the basin. And he wasn’t able to stop her from forcing his head under, nor was he able to prevent the burning in his chest as his lungs begged for air.

~

I knew that dating, and falling for, a famous rock star would come with its fair share of difficulties. When they went on tour last time, our relationship was still new and I was still in the process of finding my footing, so it was easier. I expected all the attention that he would be showered with anytime we were out in public. Whenever he posted a new picture on social media, the comments section would blow up, countless women publicly expressing their desire to get Josh in their bed. Those are easier to brush off and not take too seriously, but it irked me regardless.

Today has been especially annoying. This is the third person who has approached him for a photo. I know I’m glaring at this dumb, starry-eyed girl who’s interrupting our day together, fawning over him like a lovesick puppy. It’s disgusting. And what makes it worse is that Josh dishes it right back. He’s all excited smiles, more than happy to meet a fan. He throws his arm around her shoulder and poses as her friend snaps the picture, then plants a kiss on her cheek. I think the girl might cry, and I’m silently hoping she trips and eats shit on the concrete.

I don’t say another word until we get to the car. I start it and grip the steering wheel before Josh rests his hand on my thigh.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

He’s so clueless and it only makes me angrier. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Liar.” Yeah, that’s all I am, isn’t it? “Tell me.”

I clench my jaw and pull out onto the road. If I say what’s on my mind it likely will only make things worse, so I keep my mouth shut, hoping he’ll drop it. But he continues to pester me until I can’t ignore him. “If you want to talk so bad, why don’t you hit up your new girlfriend?”

After a moment, he does something I don’t expect and laughs. Why can’t he ever take anything seriously? “Are you joking? You’re pissed off because you’re jealous of a fan?”

“I’m not jealous.” I most definitely am. “You kissed her.”

“On the cheek! I kiss a bunch of my fans on the cheek!”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

He laughs again, but this time it’s out of exasperation as he crosses his arms and turns to look out the passenger side window. “That’s fucking stupid,” he mutters.

“Okay, yeah, I’m sorry that I don’t want to watch my boyfriend flirt with everything on two legs,” I bite back.

“Oh my God, could you be anymore dramatic? I’m not flirting with anyone, so stop acting like an asshole.”

Here we go. I’m the asshole. Make me out to be the bad guy. Am I being a bit unreasonable and possessive? Probably. But it makes my blood boil when strangers think they have the right to touch him. He doesn’t belong to them. He doesn’t see the issue, like it’s all just a big joke to him. I consider that he doesn’t give a shit about me, and my grip on the steering wheel tightens so much my hand is beginning to ache.

I see a box truck in the opposite lane of traffic, and for a split second, I wonder how much damage it would do if I turned the wheel, just enough. But I shake it off and push it away. That would be outrageous. I don’t really want to hurt him.

I don’t trust myself to speak again, so I keep my focus on the road. The silent treatment only pisses him off more, which I expected. Josh is a fighter; he always has to have the last word, and he hates being ignored. I do just that, though, and he’s fuming by the time we get back to his house. I think it’s best if we give each other some space, so I don’t go inside with him. I drop him off and keep driving, mostly to calm myself down, partially to evaluate why I’m angry and if it’s even worth it.

It’s not. Josh is right, and it’s a stupid thing for me to be upset about. Still, I’m unable to shut off the voice in my head that says he’ll never truly be mine. I know he won’t change, and I know if I want to keep him, I need to bite my tongue and swallow these raging insecurities. I think about walking away, letting him off the hook so he can be fully free, but the thought makes me want to vomit.

As much as I try to reel it in, my mind keeps going back to that girl, and the two before her. I create scenarios in my head about Josh while he’s on tour, crawling into bed with any person who bats an eyelash in his direction. I’m imagining him letting other men touch him, kiss him, fuck him. And the deeper I dive into my own fears, the worse it gets. Then the guilt sets in. I’m beating myself up over how I’ve treated him. I’m ashamed of myself for not being able to trust him; he’s never given me any reason not to. If I’m being honest with myself, I’m fully aware that my personal issues and inability to trust people is not Josh’s fault, and there’s no reason to take it out on him. My internalized precarity, and maybe a trace of narcissism, makes it difficult for me to admit when I’m wrong. I refuse to take the blame where I probably should. But I know if I have any chance of saving what I have with Josh, I need to suck it up and apologize, even if it’s all pretend.

~

I give him time to cool off and give myself time to get my thoughts in order. I need to have a plan. Later in the evening, I text and ask if I can swing by to talk. He answers immediately. ‘Of course,’ like he thinks it’s a dumb question, like he’s not even mad anymore.

I’m wrong about that. When he lets me inside, he stands in the living room with his arms crossed, watching me expectantly. Oh. He’s waiting for an apology. I should have known he wouldn’t be the first to cave. He doesn’t think he should have to apologize. I don’t really think I should either, but I swallow my pride.

“I’m sorry, Josh. I acted like a jerk.” I’m intentionally trying to look remorseful, even though I don’t feel it.

 “Yeah, you did.”

I’m tempted to bite back and start another fight, because fighting is easier than whatever this is. But again, I push down the urge. “I was jealous, and I know it was stupid. I won’t happen again.” It feels like an empty promise, because I know I can’t really guarantee it, but I can try.

“Thank you.” He’s thanking me for the apology itself, but I’m not sure it’s something he should be grateful for. He drops his arms and closes the distance between us. I grab his waist and pull him against me as soon as I have the opportunity. He doesn’t resist. “I can’t help it, ya know. Physical touch is my love language, and I love getting to meet people. But I’d never purposefully do anything to hurt you, Finn. I love your stupid face too much. And no matter how many fans I get to interact with, you’re the one I’m coming home to.”

I don’t know what I expected but it isn’t that. Even when he’s irritated with me, he’s so loving. His words help to reassure me, and my own anger seems to melt away. I’m not entirely sure what it means that he can diffuse that bomb so effortlessly. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out, and all the strangeness will start to make sense.

I place a gentle hand on his cheek and kiss him softly. “I love you, too.”

///

TAGLIST (let me know if you want to be added!)

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama

[lesbiandanhowell]

Special episode of Sam reacts!

Sam reacts to: We're All Doomed Movie

Since this is long, little summary of thoughts at the beginning. I didn't love the editing at the beginning, because it felt too fast paced/ too jumpy? But it changed in the second half and seeing the contrast in the editing of it being much slower during the emotional bit, it does make sense. I think the movie for sure did the performance justice and showing the audience interactions added a lot for me.

Also this show is so important on every level and I adore Dan so much for making it and being so proud of it.

- Immediately started looking for myself but I don't think you can see us, cause we sat on the balcony. I have however already spotted @energeticwarrior and @danrifics like less than a minute in lmao

- I love seeing how many of the camera positions I identified correctly.

- I wish they would let shots linger more, the cuts are quite jumpy.

- Oh this brings me back so much. Hearing the audience laugh at certain moments I remember laughing in that moment. I get the same excitement and urge to clap and cheer.

- I love seeing his expressions, cause I didn't get to see those up from the balcony!

- The person with the boob hair sweater in the first row, I love you!

- "Believably sad, lonely and horny. Dan Howell!"

- Okay they somehow really managed to capture the energy of the room which I was worried about. The sound leveling between audience and Dan is really well matched imo.

- He is SO SWEATY what the fuck how stressed was he because the venue really wasn't too hot honestly.

- My attention span is so much worse than when I was there in person holy shit.

- "After the show talking about what a good time you've had" and none of us have been able to shut up about just how much we loved it since 🥹

- The overalls are so bad for Dan, he has like no ass in them.

- Okay admission that @personthattoleratesme made fun of me for: during the YouTube swipe Montage I didn't realize all the other like Crafting, Baking, Shipping Container YouTubers was Dan the first time I saw the show...

- I am SO GLAD Froot Loops Tucan made it and the persons reaction and confidence is incredible.

- Dan's ability to go between talking about wanting to fuxk the Duolingo owl to the very real danger of social media influencing political elections is unparalleled.

- "Human communication. We want to come together with real people. Share stories, move each other emotionally with our words about depression and pensis."

- Imagine Dan Howell calling you hoe...

- Something about Dan calling himself a ditzy bitch gets me so bad every time.

- "Miscellaneous mentally ill nerds of London" best title I have ever been given.

- I liked Sundays madlips better :(( But wasn't faggots Sunday I am so confused now

- The screams for every Phil mention, we love him so much.

- I love Blame Game so much, some of my favourite parts from the whole show because the energy is unmatched. The fact that JKR gets a more severe reaction than Musk is actually so funny.

- Sunday crowd was the best, you can so clearly hear that the majority of people is calling freedom for Dan at the end aww.

- I need more bravery to fuck shit up, to not be so agreeable and complacent and be more disruptive honestly.

- After the calender bit his voice is so shakey and broken, I didn't hear that at all in person but fuck that just broke me.

- Yeah the last few minutes always get me so not much of a reaction to those other than I cried, again.

- What I found interesting was the parts that were left out? Cause I definitely noticed a few moments that didn't make the cut which I find surprising! Moments I noticed were the first mention of him only using two emojis, that's referenced again with the cowboy hat emoji and also he didn't include the iconic "Because time changes everything".

- I am so glad they managed to get All Star because it is simply part of the experience honestly. Nothing hit's quite like sobbing and then being hit with that song.

EDIT:

- I remembered something else I really loved: the music, I really think they choose such a good score, made such good little sound effects and the reaction I had to hearing it all live was amazing.

[restinslices]

Crows As Vampires

Idk why I chose that gif-. Anyway I have had no inspiration or motivation to do anything. The mental illness is hitting. I am on my knees begging y’all to let me have this😭. No one’s born a vampire cause I don’t think vampires should be able to reproduce and in this universe how you’re changed determines what kind of vampire you are. I’ll explain later.

Kaz Brekker 

Kaz has screwed over plenty of people in his life. That's how life is as a criminal and he was damn good at it. Almost an expert. 

Almost being the keyword 

Kaz screwed over the wrong person. Unbeknownst to him, this person was actually a witch. The witch cursed him to have these symptoms we would call “vampirism”

Immortality so he would watch everyone he loves die. A lust for blood since he was a leech that led others like a lamb to a slaughter. Burning in the sun so he could stay a rat in the shadows. Ect. Ect. 

This would've been terrible for anyone else, but this is Kaz Brekker we're talking about. 

Also this isn't how nature works. Things can't be only good or only bad so nature gave him a few perks. 

All it took was some practicing and getting used to then boom, he was living his best life. 

He doesn't need the cane anymore, but he keeps it to trick others. 

Genuinely thinks the witch that cursed him is the dumbest person ever because all the weaknesses he can get around. The sun? He doesn't go outside much and can have others do shit for him. Holy water? Does this man look like he goes to church? A wooden stake? What are the chances? Garlic? He prefers onion powder-

He's a traditional vampire so blood tastes good no matter what. I don't know if he'd go hunting himself though. He'd probably have another Crow bring him something, like bringing the homie Wendy's if you just got some. 

Best part of vampirism is probably the animal control. It's the perfect distraction and this man is nuts so he'd probably have a rat jump on somebody with a phobia. 

I'd say hypnosis but I feel like Kaz enjoys the thrill he gets from outsmarting everyone. Hypnosis would be so boring to him. It'd only be used if he absolutely needed to. 

I think the part of vampirism he'd struggle with the most would be the feeding though. Not out of guilt but too many dead bodies make people raise a brow and that would affect business. 

Kaz would prefer feeding on people who don't really have anyone. I know you're thinking “duh! That's so obvious! Who wouldn't?”. Jesper. More on him later though. 

Kaz wants to go after opponents but knows that'll stir too much shit up. 

I wanna say he refuses to feed on kids ‘cause it'd remind him of him and Jordie but this is the same man who threatened a little girl and said he'd kill all her dogs just to make sure she wouldn't snitch. And when Wylan was like “that's not ok” he was like “I could've killed her and made it look like an accident”, so idk. Man is deranged. 

Kaz has red eyes because… uhhh… I want him to. 

I think vampires should have another face when they feed and his gotta be the scariest. This is The Bastard of The Barrel we're talking about here. You gotta feel fear in your veins. 

Overall, he's enjoying vampirism. Big mistake giving this man powers. 

Inej Ghafa

Inej would get turned when she's at the Menagerie 

One of the regulars came in but he was off. He was way more jumpy and sensitive to things. Inej knocked something over and instead of annoyance, he seemed to be in pain. Like his ears hurt. 

She didn't say anything though. Tante Heleen would kill her. 

Suddenly the man attacked her and bit her. She screamed but he covered her mouth with his hand. Inej did the only thing she could think of and bit his hand hard, drawing blood. The man was in pain and after a short fight, he snapped her neck and killed her. 

Weirdly though, Inej woke up after some time. It made no sense to anyone. Not to the other girls, Tante Heleen, the doctor, anyone. Inej should've been dead. Instead all she did was crack her neck and describe the guy who did it. 

The next day Kaz Brekker came and she introduced herself. The day after that, she no longer worked for Tante Heleen. 

Turns out the vampire who attacked her was a newborn. He had some of the vampire strengths, like advanced speed and strength but he also still had human qualities. Like human skin, instead of the impenetrable skin older vampires have. Kaz was hunting him down because his uncontrolled killings were causing a ruckus, that's when he met Inej and noticed something was off about her. She smelt like death.  

Inej turned instead of dying because when she bit him, it drew blood and she ended up swallowing it. Drinking a vampire's blood then dying was another way to be turned. 

Because she was terrified when it all happened, as a vampire blood tastes better if it's from someone scared. The more scared they are, the better. If she drinks normal blood, it tastes fine but it doesn't make her as strong or taste as good as blood from someone frightened. 

Inej doesn't really like going out of her way to scare the shit outta someone. Don't get me wrong, Inej ain't no punk but she sees it as “I'm scaring people for my own benefit? No thanks”. 

During her newborn stage, Inej was not fucking with it at all. There were benefits but she hated the idea of murder. The only reason she started drinking is because she was starving and Kaz threw a random person in the room. When she snapped out of it, she was horrified and she was angry because Kaz knew what he was doing. 

So she attempted to run away but the problem was the hunger obviously didn't stop. One day she saw a man she knew frequented the Menagerie. A man who was extremely abusive and had cut and injured the girls plenty of times. Again, she got angry. So angry she stalked and killed him. 

A lightbulb went off. She didn't wanna scare innocent people but abusers? They weren't innocent. So that's who she targeted. Oh and obviously she returned to the Crow Club. 

Only problem with abusers is unfortunately they have money and people looking at them so she can't go after a lot of them which leaves her back to drinking regular human blood. Sometimes she drinks from animals or steals blood bags. 

Best part of vampirism is how nimble she is. Sure she was a great acrobat before but her speed and agility change is the best to her. She could do so much more without worrying about forever losing her legs in a stupid accident. 

She's called a spider for a reason. 

I don't even think she'd care for the other powers. Yeah they're there and she'll use them but she's not too concerned. 

Worst part I think is the feeding but not for the same reasons as Kaz. Inej has a guilty conscience and she's also religious. I think the fact that she has to take innocent lives (when she can't get to bad people) would make her feel cursed. Like the Saints were against her or didn't hear her prayers anymore. How could she claim her heart belonged to them when her heart didn't even beat anymore? She was sinning often. It's not like killing on a job, that's when your back's against the wall. She's literally killing for her own selfish needs. 

It'd take her a while to come to terms that she's killing for survival and she never asked to become a vampire in the first place. 

Once she comes to terms with that I honestly don't see her using her powers for straight nonsense. She uses them to get jobs done and feeds when she has to. She's probably the one bringing Kaz take out when he's too lazy. 

Idk why but I feel like she'd have purple eyes. I don't have a reason. Just roll with me. 

Overall, she'd have conflicting feelings. The first couple years would be rough but she'd learn to embrace it. 

Jesper Fahey

Jesper is my favorite Crow and my favorite in the entire show but my poor babe is not all the way there sometimes. He's not dumb by any means but ya know, sometimes he's in a silly goofy mood. 

Jesper was turned when he was in college. Keep in mind, my boy was only there for what? A WEEK?

He lost at a game of cards and instead of beating him they were like “there's this book that a dead witch supposedly wrote. There's a ritual and everything, you gotta do it or pay me”. 

Jesper was like “bet, I ain't no hoe” (probably not with those words) and did the stupid ritual which consisted of blood, rain water and some chanting and nothing happened, much to the disappointment of his college pals and him. The ritual was supposed to give him powers or something. Too bad. 

Something weird started happening. Jesper was a funny guy and liked socializing but he swore he started feeling more energy course through him when he made everyone laugh. And when he walked outside, the sun burned. It left a mark and everything. 

He started skipping classes to avoid the sun and the kids he knew were too busy to constantly visit him. Since he was alone for a couple days, he felt incredibly hungry. 

One late night he was walking to get food when a lady fell hard. Jesper, being nice, ran over to help. That's when he noticed the smell of blood and it smelt amazing. Long story short, he ended up attacking her. When he realized what happened, he took a closer look at that book. He realized they didn't inform him about the negative side effects. And sure, he somewhat got it. What were the chances of it working? But since they made him do that instead of paying up, they knew there could've been a possibility of everything going left. 

He had no idea what was happening and ended up leaving college. Not only was he out of money (that's why he was so glad he wouldn't have to pay) but he worried about who else he would attack. He ended up working for gangs and as we know, Kaz found him. 

They ended up finding out that Jesper was special. Jesper was always the main focus in a crowd so when he became a vampire, that ability turned him into an emotional vampire. He didn't have to hunt people down and feed the old fashioned way. He could feed on people by absorbing their emotions when they felt a strong emotion, such as happiness. It made him feel amazing but it made them feel drained and depending on how much he took, they could faint. 

Now he could always just bite people but absorbing emotions is bigger. 

Best part of vampirism is hypnosis. If he's well fed and feeling strong, he can just hypnotize his gambling opponent into letting him win. 

Worst part is probably the sunlight. Jesper likes nighttime, don't get me wrong, but the fact that he's limited to only moving around at night is nuts to him. Since he shouldn't be doing it, he wants to do it more.

Jesper has to be reeled in by Kaz when it comes to feeding cause Jesper honestly will go after anyone. The more challenging, the more fun. He has to constantly be reminded that the more challenging, the more chance of being caught.  

He also reminds him that he doesn't have to bite people to feed but Jesper sometimes just likes the rush. 

Probably makes a bunch of vampire puns and Kaz is tired of his shit. 

He'd be even more on edge when it comes to his dad. It'd be even more of a reason to never see him again. He would only think about it when he 100% had his hunger under control. 

Idk what eye color he'd have tbh

Overall likes being a vampire but the side effects are there. 

Nina Zenik

After Nina took Parem, things didn't look good. It was obvious to everyone that Nina was dying. 

Nina was in the know when it came to vampires. She honestly didn't care and didn't have any interest at first. But as she sat there slowly dying, she wondered what life would've been like if she asked to be bit. 

The Saints seem to be listening because Inej walked in and said she wanted to help her. Nina knew how she'd help. 

Inej was getting closer and Nina couldn't help but feel nervous. Suddenly though, she saw Matthias. Inej simply made her think she was Matthias, but Nina was so delirious that she actually thought it was him. She thought of their life together so far and what they could have in the future. Her thoughts started to slip towards something more lustful and that's when “Matthias” shoved “his” bloodied arm at her. She drank it then her neck was quickly broken. 

She awoke soon after, beginning her new life. 

Nina is a sexual vampire, meaning blood tastes the best when it's someone experiencing feelings of lust or orgasming. 

Matthias experiences lust for Nina and has said she can drink from him but she doesn't trust herself. She's worried she got him out of Hellgate only to kill him later on. 

Instead she flirts with unsuspecting men and women. No sex obviously and they don't taste as good as they could but just that little bit of lust adds something to their blood. 

Best part of vampirism would be immortality. She's living forever with her family and doesn't have to worry about getting sick or dying again. 

Immortality is also the worst part. Matthias has always said he has no interest in being a vampire and the thought of him dying makes her think she should've let herself die on the boat (until she changes him against his will but moving on-)

Probably targets men and women with low level jobs. Like the people who guard doors of some building, rich people go to. Or fishermen. People whose disappearance can just be chalked up to them being irresponsible. 

Being a vampire is kinda in the middle for her. Not great but not terrible. Sometimes she wants to go outside during the day and can't. Sometimes she wants to eat something like garlic bread and can't. Sometimes she wants to wear silver jewelry and can't. It can be a real pain. 

When Matthias is human she treats him like he's delicate, because compared to her, he is. They arm wrestle and he's down for the count. 

The stereotype is that vampires sleep in a coffin but with how big Matthias is? Yeah, no. They'll just sleep in a dark room. 

Nina doesn't exactly want kids, but with Matthias she wouldn't mind them. Now they can't have them at all though and that choice being taken away isn't fun. Honestly any choice now taken away rubs her the wrong way. 

I feel like her eyes would also be red like Kaz. 

Overall is half and half about vampirism. 

Matthias Helvar 

As we all know, Matthias ends up dying in Crooked Kingdom. He didn't want it to happen, but he accepted it. He knew this would be the end. 

Imagine his surprise when he woke up months later. 

Turns out Nina wanted to turn Matthias into a vampire but acted too late. She ended up finding a witch who was willing to do a ritual to return his spirit to his body. Side effects would be symptoms of vampirism. 

As you can imagine, Matthias was very unhappy. Nina didn't have the excuse of “oh I panicked”. No. She found a witch and instead of asking for her future to be told, she whipped out his corpse. 

As a vampire Matthias is a soul vampire. When he feeds it decreases the lifespan of his victim, sometimes even killing them. As he gets older he learns he doesn't even have to bite his victims, but he does have to be close to them. 

It'd probably take years before he forgave Nina. Matthias, like Inej, is religious and thinks Djel can't hear him anymore because of what's happened. 

For awhile he can't see a positive to this situation. When he comes around to it and starts accepting it though, I think he'd enjoy that he's strong enough to continuously help people. 

Negative is everything for a while. Especially the fact he can't be near any holy items. Also immortality. Human lives are supposed to end, now his can't end without it being extremely painful. 

Feeding wouldn't be easy for him either. Not biting them allows him to disconnect but he still knows what he's doing and that's hard for him.

He eventually would forgive Nina but would never forget what happened. 

His eyes would remain blue but it'd be a lighter and more glowy (?) blue

Doesn't wanna participate in any vampire stereotypes. No coffin, no dark colors, none of that. 

His feeding is the most discrete. Jesper's could be too but we know him. Matthias just kind of hangs around and feeds until he's full enough. 

Matthias also drinks the souls of animals. It doesn't feed him as quickly or make him as strong but he was already a big and strong guy. 

Overall is not having a good time. I think it would take years for him to accept his new life. After that, he's not exactly happy. He's just accepted it is what it is. 

Wylan Van Eck

Wylan had a terrible relationship with his father, we know that. What everyone didn't know was that the family was holding a huge secret; Jan Van Eck was a vampire. He was turned after Alys became pregnant and thought things were great. Now he could be an asshole forever 

Van Eck noticed how much better he felt so he thought if he bit Wylan, he'd be cursed of his dyslexia and could read. 

He was wrong. Dyslexia isn't a physical injury so nothing happened. This made him angry and ended up leading him to hire people to kill Wylan on the boat to Ketterdam. As we know, Wylan escaped. Van Eck was sure he'd die because of lack of food or be exposed and killed. Either was good to him. 

Wylan didn't die though. Wylan had only been a vampire for a month so his control over his thirst was terrible. He didn't wanna hurt people so he tried to stay away and hunt animals. 

Not hurting people was easier said than done though. Ketterdam is full of people and jobs require you being around people. As you can imagine, there were a few slip ups. 

Kaz recruited him not only to make bombs but also because Inej caught him feeding on someone. He just didn't notice she was there. 

Once Wylan has his thirst under control, he prefers blood bags instead of actually hunting and hurting people. 

He isn't sure what his favorite part of vampirism is since the things he loves doing (chemistry and music) don't require any vampire things. He likes telepathy once he knows how to block his own thoughts from people. It's efficient being able to “whisper” to other people and Wylan is a bit nosey. When you're gonna live forever, you're gonna wanna hear drama. 

I think his least favorite part wouldn't be a specific part of vampirism. He'd just hate how he used to be. Whenever he thinks about how little control he had, it'd scare him. It shows how much of a monster he can be and he doesn't want that. 

I wanna give everyone red eyes but I'll say his are orange or yellow. Why? Idk. 

The type of vampire that legit forgets he's a vampire. Inej is like “want me to bring you back something to eat?” and he's like “oh sure. I heard this new spot just opened-”. 

Probably was gonna walk outside for a casual walk and another Crow had to grab him by the collar and pull him inside. 

“What's wrong?” “Wylan. The sun.” “What about it?.... oh”

This isn't me saying he's dumb, he just genuinely forgets. His mind is on other stuff all the time. 

Vampires become his hyper fixation and he starts saying random ass myths about vampires at all hours 

“Did you know people used to believe that you could trick a vampire by throwing things like rice at it? Supposedly it'd be compelled to count them all” “It’s 2am Wylan. Enough is enough”

Overall I don't think he has a strong opinion on being a vampire. Having his little family makes enjoying this new life easier. 

idk why this in particular finally gave me inspiration, but FINALLY my mind isn’t completely blank.

[fortheloveofmiranda]

Chapter one: the girl next door

Notes: in this story Lin is divorced. This will be a slow burn, with plans to have smut.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of Suicide and mental illness. cigarettes are called smokes where I’m from.

My eyes flutter open as I stretch looking up at my living room clock. Fuck it’s already noon. I must have passed out while working last night. Slowly standing up I walk towards my kitchen and start brewing a fresh cup of coffee. I look around the apartment with a lazy gaze, the sun shining in burning my eyes. The weird shit brown floor looking up at me and the abnormal beige ceiling looking down. unusual stains splot the sage walls in unrecognizable patterns. The new apartment not quite feeling like home.

“This place is so weird” I mumble to myself as I grab my coffee and pour what feels like a half pound of sugar in it. For all I know it could be. While sipping my coffee I go back to my open laptop realizing I must have passed out mid sentence on my newest creation. I sigh as I rub my forehead, willing the oncoming headache to leave before it arrives. I set down my coffee and put my fingers on the keyboard when I smell something putrid,

“Holy shit is that me?” I mumble to myself as I smell my shirt with a gag “yep. Its shower day,” Thinking back I can barely remember the last time I showered. I need to start paying more attention.

Picking up my coffee and walking to my room, winging the closest open to grab the closest shorts and a shirt. My random selection leaves me with a pair of mid thigh length black shorts and a blue T-shirt. I’m sure as hell not leaving the apartment today so why dress in anything else.

Striding into the bathroom, I reach for the water and turn it on. I undress and hop in relaxing under the water. By the time I’m out of the shower I’m fulling singing out loud little girls from the musical Annie “ Little cheeks, Little teeth, Everything around me is little” I walk out into the living room and do a spin.

“If I wring, Little necks, Surely I will get an acquittal” that was the write line, but that wasn’t me.

Letting out a soft shriek I drop my thankfully empty cup on the ground. Rustling is heard on the other side of the wall along with a thump until five long seconds later a quick loud knocking is heard on my door. Slowly and cautiously making my way towards the door I reach for the knob and swiftly open the door.

Huh, it’s a man. A really attractive man.

OH MY GODS! It’s him! It's god on earth! It's my idol, it’s the best writer on the planet! It’s Lin Manual Miranda!

“Are you okay? I'm sorry if I startled you.” he said with warm and worried eyes, that looked like pools of melted chocolate.

“N-no! It was my fault! I didn't realize the walls were so thin, I thought someone was in my apartment” I rambled out quickly, my face red and my voice stammering.

He lets out a chuckle and a smile that wouldn’t compare to a thousand stars. “Yeah, it’s our luck these are the only ones like this, they forgot to insulate it.” he states while gently tapping on the wood between our doors

I let out a soft chuckle trying to keep my breathing even “that's kinda funny actually” just my luck, he’s next door and he can hear everything I do. Life must hate me so bad.

He smiles for a second more until realization came over his face “Are you Y/N?”

A surprised and fake smile lights up my face “ yes! Oh my gods, you know who I am?” oh my god this just got worse.

A laugh bubbles out of him as he motions towards me then back at himself “I love your movies! I’m a huge fan” I’m gonna have to move. Oh my god. This is so fucking embarrassing.

“No way! I’m actually a huge fan of yours!” He definitely doesn't need to know how big of a fan. He can not know how weird I am. What little fame I have would be ruined.

We look at each other for another second before bursting out laughing “what a small world,” he says “you just moved in a week ago right,” it should be a question but with the way he said it's as though he definitely knew the answer. Now I'm even more nervous.

I shift and lean against my door frame trying to be casual but probably looking like a major douche “yeah! My old place is currently getting knocked down to turn into a parking garage," I say with a light chuckle. Oversharing is my best talent, doesn't matter who it’s with, it'll happen. Gods, I hate myself.

He gives me an understanding smile “that must suck, having to just leave like that” his voice is as smooth as butter and as soft as a feather. Fuck that voice is so amazing, I could cum right here if I wasn’t about to mentally commiit suicide.

I give him a one arm shrug, definitely looking like a douche “good change of scenery” I say with a fake optimistic smile. Fuck this is awkward. Please go away Mr. Sexy man.

He nods with another smile when his phone goes off. Thank the gods. “Hey, it was really nice to meet you, and welcome to the neighborhood. if you need anything just knock on my door, or the walls,” he chuckles “I can always show you around if you need”

“That's a very sweet offer, i’ll keep it in mind” hell no. not in a million years. Thanks though. Not really.

He gives me a small wave and walks the ten steps to his door. I decide it's weird if I don’t close my door now so I close it up and make sure to lock it.

“Fuck that was scary” i mumble to myself before slapping a hand over my mouth with a quick look at the wall. Looks like I'll have to lose the habit of talking to myself.

I grab a pack of smokes and walk over to my window, opening it up to sit on the ledge of it. Pulling out a smoke I sigh, leaning back as I light it. After taking a long drag I let it out. At least they help me with my anxiety.

I look up at the bright sun, it feels as though it’s judging me. “Fuck you, it’s already been a long day, and I havent started working yet.”

A few minutes later I put out my smoke and moved towards my laptop. I might as well make this a day worth being awake for and start working on my story.

Thank you for reading the first chapter of girl next door! I hope you enjoyed!

[the-kipsabian]

okay characters in ur ask:

* chrissy b

* swerve

* kip

* penny

* kris statlander (i think that's her name, i am on my phone so i cannot check-)

love you💖

ooooh so many thank you!! 💜

(im gonna put these under a read more, theres a lot of text lmao sorry)

chrissy b ~

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS ship with: zack sabre jr is the big one, but im still very fond of him and drew parker too tho 💜 friendship them with: oh my god like so many. but especially the rest of schadenfreude international and the kamiina boys general opinions: i dont wanna ramble lmao but i love him with all my heart. shortly put this man has made me believe that maybe life is worth living and dreams are worth reaching for. and hes also mesmerizing to watch in the ring. and hes hot lmao

swerve ~

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS ship with: i see the appeal of strickpage. i have written for strickpage. i have shipped strickpage. however post all out i cannot do that anymore due to anxiety so. at the moment none lmao. but i do get it friendship them with: prince nana will always be his guy. and im also still thinking of him and keith lee very fondly, no matter what general opinions: hes probably my wrestler of 2025. him or chris tbh. but hes just amazing. just an incredible dude. he deserves the world 💜

kip ~

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS ship with: oh my god orange cassidy case closed. tho i am also canon compliant for him and penelope as well 💜 friendship them with: oh my goodness um. will ospreay. i still think about his and nick waynes potentially brother bond. hook. chris brookes as well actually. butcher and blade are very much high up there still even tho that hasnt been an active thing in forever. im sure theres others but im throwing these at you for now lmao general opinions: he makes me mentally ill what more do i have to say LMAO. a man of all time. love of my life. holy shit bro

penny ~

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS ship with: canon compliant again with kip. but also her and kris are meant to be. and her and bunny are definitely more than just besties friendship them with: shes like. the bad girl. but shes also friends with everyone if you ask me. people like willow nightingale and ruby soho. as much as i dont really like her, tay melo as well. i also really do wanna say toni storm and jamie hayter. i think they would be great gal pals general opinions: legit if i was a woman i'd love to be her. or be with her. i dont really care shes amazing and her aesthetic is to die for like. be my wife pls

kris (and you got her name correct!) ~

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS ship with: making dolls of her and penelope smooch as we speak. also on some level willow nightingale as well friendship them with: best friendsssssss im convinced she never broke up with them, shes still fully hanging out with oc and chuck and trent and maybe even yuta and all is well and they still love each other no im not heartbroken why do you ask general opinions: body goals. also her gear is always incredible. i really miss the alien gimmick cause i thought it was awesome and something nice and different but god i still love her so so much shes so freaking good ough

[v1trum]

Lots of tw's.. also please read the entire post if you start reading it. Im not a bad person. This is a specific case and i KNOW this person and have talked this stuff over w ppl that also know him. He manipulated me into hating the ppl i know i love most (as friends) now and did a lot of fucked up shit a lot of which I'll list

Tws include : sh, severe mental illness, "kys" jokes (wasnt rly a joke), ed, trauma, etcetc

Im only saying this shit on here because literally no one knows who im talking about and never will. This is an irl person who doesn't even have Tumblr im pretty sure.. I'd prefer if you only read this if ur a moot or i follow u or vice versa pls 😭

Im gonna throw the imaginary fights i have in my head on here

all the same person cus they side eye me at school and ik damn well he's trying to get ppl to not like me but idc cus im in the right and i have proof 💋

Like i just KNOW he views me as childish n shit

Likr

childish?? ME?? You're the one that said my 7 year old brother should kill himself because he played the same roblox game as you..a 14yo... But, yes, im the childish one...

its a genuine scenario I can't get out of my head and i need to talk abt it

Contrary to what you think, i DO like you. I don't hate you because my online best friend expressed how HE doesn't like you... Its actually crazy that you came into my home for a complete weekend, were as EXTREMELY disrespectful as you were, we didn't say anything and then you're out here saying me and my entire family hate you... Like no babes my parents went out and bought food from the store that we never eat bc you would eat it... No babes, i made cookies from scratch bc cookies are one of the only things you'll eat... No babes, we didn't even comment on the fact that you had three sodas and had two sips out of each of them before you wasted them...

Your "eating disorder" is DEFINITELY fake, too. There might be part of it in there but wdym "my grandparents starve me" when you asked if you could have a random bag of chips and they immediately bought it for you? I fear you just need to tell them when a food is out? They both work a ton bc they had to take you in a few months ago I don't think they notice much when the pantry or fridge is running low. Wdym "ew i hate that" to every food in existence but you scarf up wretched school breakfast and lunch daily...? Again with "i shove it down my throat bc my grandparents starve me" are you forgetting how close we got so quickly? How ik you? You wouldn't eat 95% of that before you starved to death if it was at my house... But you're gonna eat it all up there.

Same with your "personality disorder".... Wdym we're in the middle of English and you go "bro i just spawned in. What am i wearing and why? Omggg why do i have sh on my arms???" Like be so fr rn. You aren't immune to being aware of PHYSICAL PAIN. And i get like.. having a different style but fym "why am i wearing this what is it" ..? (I have talked to a SYSTEM friend abt this and they can confirm its v fake seeming)

Its actually crazy when i didn't kick you out after you said that about my brother, you're actually insane. I get you have very recent trauma but holy hell refrain from making relationships if you're gonna fuck someone up.

You had your "friend" give me back my sweater bc you were too childish to do it yourself and look me in the eye. You moved seats without permission. You glare at me in the class where you can't move seats.

Also, that "friend".. you call her a slut and talk shit abt her to her face because she has HEALED sh scars. Then you walk around campus with gaping wounds acting like you're self conscious of it when you're actually begging for attention. This is NOT me saying ppl who sh are attention seekers btw.. i KNOW him and me and several other people agree he's doing it for attention. My friends have said they'd have relapsed after seeing them if it had been a bad time for them, thats how bad it was.

I genuinely hope he gets better bc he is fucked up in the head, however i also wish the best on his next victim of "we're friends". I hope they get away or meet him after he has gotten better.

To this guy - i hope you better yourself instead of trying to make yourself as bad as possible because you find comfort in that, or rot.

[nijisanji-brain-rot-fics]

rating the fanbases in nijisanji en that im in 🤠🤘

also im not hating on yall im just talking about…… some colorful things about the fan communities im in

aight for one, kyomies. = FUCKING -18/10

im scared of like some of yall. like ongod 😭 either chill or so fucking down bad WW like oh god i watched the confessions stream YOU GUYS. ARE SCARY. PLEASE. I CANT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES MY JAW DROPPED WATCHING THAT STREAM. also we needa stop bullying kyo for being the shortest male in nijisanji en lmao hes coping already 💀AHEM… TO ANY OF YALL WHO GENUINELY LIKE ASTERS FEET CAM STREAM… DNI (jkjk but like keep a respectable distance from me pls 🧍✋ yall scare me enough)

kindreds!! = 5/10

yall horny as fuck. all i gotta say. we all know the gwak gwak incident, lets leave it pls. also yall are nice, everyone in chat is pretty nice, yk you get a parasocial chatter every once and a while but oh well wwww 💀💀 ehmmm theyre like the first niji en fanbase ive been in, i have a friend irl whos a kindred, theyre nice yk did not prepare me for the shitshow the online kindreds are

villions = 8/10

i know, we are all probably down bad for ber whenever he speaks korean, BUT CAN YOU BLAME US?? i wanna bet ver is half of his fanbases’ reason to learn korean (can vouch because i started to relearn kr bc of him 😭👌) ALSO HES SUCH A CINNAMON ROLL I JUST WANNA SQUISH HIM!! villions in general, yall r nice, like all i gotta say LOL

sicklings = 4/10

basically kindreds but like twice as horny and mentally ill 💀like goddamn yall listen to his yandere asmrs and go ‘he can fix me’?? is that like a thing in this fanbase? 😭 how mentally ill yall had to be to fall for a therapist [bullying myself rn] like holy shit also that one overlay incident 🫣 lets not talk about it but like anyways yall are ok, its a debatable topic also just wanted to say hex looks like the type of person to have a rice purity score of 53 idk

FaMillie = 10/10

OK SO IM BIASED BC IM ALSO A FILIPINO AND YK SWAGPINOS UNITE BUT YOU GUYS ARE FUNNY I CANT LIE, YOU HAVE GENUINELY MADE ME CACKLE SOMETIMES especially the hugot lines stream, my mom fucking got mad at me for laughing so much some of yall are unhinged like stop bullying millie LOL ik its for shits and giggles but damn, yall are being mean sometimes 😭

Quilldren = 6/10

personally, i havent been in the fanbase too much but most of you guys are chill so neutral score. havent seen too much stir from ike's fans so thats nice, good to know theres one fan base that isnt overtly chaotic [from what ive seen 👀]

scythekicks = 8/10

girl is this fanbase dead or am i just not active on twitter? probably the latter LMAO but like i barely see any doppio fans in the wild like where are yall come out come out you may be outta scythe but you aint outta my mind WWWW we all love doppio in the scythekick household, that man gets so entertained so easily

uhhhh shit ok pls dont cancel me WWWWW IM NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE I PROMISE THIS IS ALL FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES im in these fan bases too IM BASICALLY FUCKING MYSELF OVER

also posts are gonna be slow as fuuuck cuz schools starting and yknow we gotta COME IN DO YOU READ ME?-

im just kidding guys dont hate me for this WWW its for giggles so dont take it to heart

i think i did this wrong in so many ways but oh well LMAOO

[dephirium]

So. I am leaving my fic's big ass infodump here because A) having it in the comments is ugly and B) I am too busy and tired to try to make it hmtl pretty on the author notes or whatever. Plus, AO3’s character limit is ass.

Here's the fic: Tha koimithó ótan petháno.

Funnies

Akire: I trust that mister Delamer and mister Maitsu are doing well together :)

Damon: *screaming, traumatized*

Jean: *screaming, also traumatized*

Damon: Why tf are you calling me a kid I am 18

Jean:

Jean: I thought you were like 16

Jean: I am worried about you.

Damon: Hahaha.

Damon: Oh you're not joking?

Damon: HAHAHahaHAhA—

Scrapped content

In chapter 2 I forgot to add that Jean notices signs of Petechiae (Red dots on the skin/cheeks, usually present after crying) on Damon's face, which he points out in the narration and mentally ponders "maybe he is not holding on as well as we thought." I don't fucking KNOW how I did not add it because I remember writing it into the doc but I guess I accidentally deleted it???? What-fucking-ever man I am too tired to rewrite that scene. Also, this chapter would not work as well if Jean was a lot more aware about how badly Damon was holding on. Sooo, yeah. Good forethought past me question mark.

(Jean knows general medical stuff because of his job / he binge read about it after the Edward thing to avoid any other crewmates being ill / hurt. Kind of comes out of left field in this chapter sorry lol I kind of gave up mid-fic so the quality is kind of bad)

In the titanic argument I was planning for Damon to respond “The debate was so bad I regret doing it sober,” or something of the sort. To which Jean asks Holy Shit You Drink ? Ended up scrapped because Damon, even while sleep deprived, is way too secretive about his abuse personal life for his own good. Besides, the scene was getting too long.

Also, yes, he does drink (/hc). Not by own volition most of the time, but he does. Legal drinking age? What is that? The Maitsu family never heard of it. (Wolfgang would have a stroke if he knew nobody tell him)

I actually planned a bit where, when Damon bandages Jean's wound (it was planned to happen on the bed and not the floor btw), Jean explains the items™ to Damon after he points out the first aid kit being the debater's and Damon looks at the ship captain like he grew a third head. Hence, explanation.

It felt too forced and I ended up removing it. You probably can figure it out with the context I left (I HOPE), but here is the explanation just in case:

(This idea was based on a fic by the lovely Insqmniac. I don't remember the name rn, sorry ;; EDIT: Acting and Pretending!!! They deleted the work but it was very good!) Tozu left an item for all the killing game participants with deep emotional and / or medical significance in their room’s nightstands. Be it a family memento, a candy brand you liked as a kid, a perfume that isn't sold anymore, prescription pills or eye contacts: That kind of stuff. It is like an intimidation tactic or something??? Something to scare the participants with bcs of the amount of information they have about their personal lives. Or something. I don't know man, it is 4 pm I have not slept in like 30 hours I have reached a new plane of existence. It just sounds so creepy and it is definitely something Tozu would do. Maybe. I already had the canon divergence tag so might as well utilize it in a angst way while at it /shrug

Jean received Edward’s marine dog tag, Damon received a first aid kit (and he's the only person in the killing game that has first aid equipment, fun). You can probably imagine why Jean reacted like that to seeing Damon’s item and his subsequent realization. Let's just say that Maitsudad was not kind.

I had a very lovely idea very late into this fic of playing on the concept of Dragons and snakes being very similar (in mythology/religion, anyways) but I couldn't figure out a way to include it organically in this fic (considering that the themes/metaphors of the fic were already too wonk as is) so I MIGHT get another Jean & Damon fic just to get that symbolism out of my head???

Not likely. I feel horrible about my poor characterization of the dude in this fic already.

I butchered Jean's characterization so bad I made salami with it,,,

In the Damon panic attack from Jean’s POV, I had to scrap a small line where Jean notes that some of the nonsense Damon is spewing in his panic is actually Spanish. Another hc of mine, personally Damon looks like the kind of guy to throw Hispanic slang and insult all your family lineage in one breath (and yes I am biased because I am Hispanic how could you tell. But no, he is not Hispanic, it is actually kind of complicated to explain). I will probably delve into that hc and my general mental illness about the backstory I made up for the guy (yes I am very normal about Damon shut up) in another fic I have planned.

I had to scrap so many Damon lines y'all. He is just. So easy to write. This dude is like depressed 14 year old me trying to seem edgy and pretentious istg.

Info dumping

I don't think I am doing a fic of Jean alone to actually write this down so, here, have the whole Edward situation and my delusions about it: basically, back when Jean was just becoming a ship captain by himself (he probably started as a cadet/assistant of one of his relatives, who was the ship captain themselves. Jean then took the job from them later down the line, idk) at age 18ish, there was this regular crew he had. One of the people in said crew was Edward, an asshole with self-worth issues who made it everyone else's problem.

On one departure, they get news of a big-ass storm happening, and they are very much stuck in the middle of the sea trying to just survive it(tm). Luckily it was a cargo ship so the only people they had to look for were themselves, but still.

Edward decides to be the main man on everything to prove his worth, that he means something to the crew, that his life has meaning. Everyone was kind of ignoring Edward's self destructive behavior (not their issue, they said). Jean in turn decided to try to do something about it, so new into the position and wanting the best for his crew, so he went to talk to Edward so he hopefully realizes he is being a moron and stops playing the martyr.

Edward, as you can tell by this fic, does not heed Jean’s pleas to take care of himself and decides to spitefully double down on his self-destructiveness so hard he fell ass backwards and killed himself due to sleep deprivation and starvation the fucking idiot.

(His crew, who were in their late 20s to mid 50s and had already seen some shit™, took care of the corpse themselves. They didn't want Jean, as young as he was, to see the body. He saw it anyways, if only on passing. Which is also the reason why he was more inclined to believe Eva when seeing the dummy, but details)

Jean blames himself over pushing Edward “too hard” and causing his death. (While at the same time he feels like he could have done MORE to avoid his death back then, ain't guilt fun?) That's why he fears pushing Damon too much until there's nothing he can do but twist the debater's arm into actually resting after days of watching the younger consistently get worse. And, welp, we know how that ends.

At least he tried tho. 乁( •_• )ㄏ

Another thing. Was the buddy system actually chosen at random or was Damon right about it being rigged?

... Who knows! Lol

Logically speaking I think it would make more sense for it to either be rigged in the random pairings to get the most optimal-ish outcome (List of pairings in chapter 1 AAA), or like Akire actually bullshitted the random bit to try to get Damon to cooperate. But in the other hand it would be too fucking funny if it was actually made at random and Damon is just being unnecessarily hostile and antagonizing for no reason. So, I wrote it to be ambiguous! probably!! Go have your own interpretation idk!!

Other miscellaneous notes

Eva had the exact same "You are doing this to keep tabs on us" train of thought as Damon, but unlike the debater she decided to cooperate on the plan without whining about it. She and Ingrid have an amazing time playing Dos in their dorm.

Desmond is having a shit time because he wants to help Ulysses have a, at least, decent sleep schedule since they are partners. They have a similar ish arc to Damon and Jean funnily enough, except all the trauma and accidental PTSD triggering.

The Titanic bit is actually a thing that happened. A dude legit predicted the Titanic it is bonkers (I learned this thanks to 999 and thought it would be funny to add it because sleep deprived Damon likes to info dump (yes I am neurodivergent how could you tell) and Jean is the fucking Ultimate Ship Captain what better chance can you get?). Also yes ships back then were bonkers it is hilarious.

When Jean returns with food after this fic him and Damon sit down to explain to the latter all the things he missed in the class meetings so Damon is not running with fake facts again (and hopefully avoid other panic attacks about it in the future). They are forced to communicate about being partners and while they are both still very emotionally stunted because of their respective traumas they at least have a semi-honest conversation for once. Mostly because Damon is too tired and worn-down to be antagonistic.

The roommate system prooobably gets ruled out at the week two and a half(?) by a very frustrated Tozu, but by then he will need a very strong/kill or die motive to actually get a crack on the partner system itself (which is too broad a concept for him to actually rule out the game entirely).

(Realistically speaking he probably would deny the system from happening as quickly as it was brought up because he would notice it as a liability to his killing game plan, but then again. This is fic. I like my Tozu very stupid in fic)

Damon slowly starts reintegrating back into the group when he feels less like "Hi I just had 4 panic attacks in a week what is life at this point." Jean personally helps him in it.

Damon doesn't exactly remember what happened when he was triggered (bcs I hc him to forget trauma to cope, only vaguely remembering things when triggered / having intrusive thoughts). He remembers stabbing Jean because of a "overreaction" on his part and that's pretty much it. He feels like garbage about it but doesn't know how to apologize.

Thankfully, the wound was very minimal so nobody really noticed it after the bleeding stopped and Jean removed the bandages. It is their shared secret that nobody shall know about.

After chapter 1 Damon has a 10 minute panic attack, call himself cringe for it, and forces himself to go for the futon. You could hear him cursing out to all the gods throughout the living quarters. Like La Llorona but it is a dude swearing instead.

Jean brings Damon food. From things like granola bars to small portions of meals (to avoid any accidental refeeding syndrome), every time Jean goes out, he brings Damon something to eat. The others question it at first but Jean only gives vague explanations so they give up (they know, somewhat. But it is not their business so they don't push about it).

Damon has never had anyone offer comfort or food without a catch to it so he is very confused to the whole ordeal but too tired to actually complain (he still compulsively checks everything, afraid of poison, despite never being any).

after a bit he actually somewhat warms up to the ship captain !! Yaaay Damon getting comfort !!!! Finally !!!!!

Writing this my entire thought process of Damon's characterization was "abused stray cat that hisses / scratches you but all it wants is love and a stable living environment and once it has it and gets used to it, it is actually very cuddly." That's just him in a nutshell. Just add some asshole pretentious vibes into the mix & you're done

I made Edward up very late (writing session 8 out of 10) into chapter 2 because I needed a reason as to why Jean would physically force Damon to sleep. When I said the man is a plot device I meant it lol

Tozu had a Live Tozu Reaction to Jean's and Damon's fight thinking that fINAlLY SOMEONE IS DYING.. And then nobody did. Oop.

AND THEN Jean gets killed and Damon suffers horribly /jkjk

[super-novatuna]

Discussing/Going Slightly Crazy over Tears of Themis Main Story 09: Grey Frontier, a Post

will definitely contain spoilers under the cut!

HOO BOY TALK ABOUT MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS. NONE OF MY PREVIOUS QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED AND NOW I HAVE MORE HOLY MOLY

my heart dropped when i didn't see a Trial level. more questions, less answers.

let's start by discussing the squares in the little bingo made by @/actualbird, who i will not tag because i do not want to spoil him accidentally. thank u zak for ur services :D

one thing to note is that there are NO bingos this chapter, mainly because one thing most of us probably didn't expect lmao: NXX SEPARATED.

unthinkable. unimaginable. like there's practically NO team stuff in ch9. that's insane. artem was flooded with heirson cases, vyn was dealing with.. whatever the fuck he was doing, marius was presumably busy with managing the backlash of the trial in 08, and that leaves luke, who even though is the one that mc can tag along with for a case is still busy on his own with nsb stuff. hardly any teamwork happening, besides if you count marius' "interrogation" where luke gave him his button back and vyn just guiding mc to figure out what the suicide notes meant... yeah. not to mention artem being skye's attorney???. 99% Win Rate Artem Wing. hello. I have never been more confused. what's the plot behind this? are they all orchestrating a behind-the-scenes plan that'll come together, or are they really all doing their own shit? I'm leaning more towards the former given the nature of the game but gosh this is taking a TURN

translation errors were a lil funny but i could still understand the point which is all i need.

vyn doesn't say anything ominous but saying kys out of nowhere counts a little i think.

jerome 🫰 hes cute but he's uncanny and I'm so curious as to what he's up to. telling the little girl to get marius to pay was nice but there must've been an underlying intention.

no nxx team meeting (i mean with luke and artem. that barely counts because artem was so busy he just let luke have her).

mc figured out abt luke's illness but from what I'm seeing nothing is quite clear and she doesn't know he's got three years oof. artem has a clue but I'm sure he knows nothing either. and marius and vyn have their suspicions but nothing's sure or confirmed.

LUKE PROTECT ROSA !!! YEAHHHH watch ur back u bitchass macho king

do parallels btwn skye and the incident with luke in the hospital count as symbolism idk I'm counting it. i think there's some symbolism a little bit.

for our romantic moment before something terrible happens, ah yes, sweet and worried words on a phone call and then luke has a whole episode. yay. delightful. luke don't fucking die.

no tot story would be complete without an absurd mid-story debate. damn, right in front of the secret nsb station???

no weird luke gadget 😔 sorry he was busy being sick

found family? they aren't even together the marluke moment was barely anything. artem worried about luke having an episode... counts a little. not enough to warrant even a question mark 😔

no nxx meeting, no hilarious bullshit from a boy. sad.

WHAT IS THE TIMELINE SHAKES HYV WHAT IS GOING ON

free space luke is dying

AARON YIPPEEE. good dad.

vincent is a good boy but no intel from him. just him being Best Assistant. Bestest ever.

I didn't cry but i am close to a mental breakdown

LUKE DEPRESSION ASHDJKWKW poor guy.

not sure if Emotionally Charged and Slight Conflict counts as an argument but personally i think kinda?

no baldr because NO TRIAL AAHFJSJJSK

not only do i have more questions about the new Big Bad but I have questions about WHATEVER THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE WHOLE TEAM.

voice acting 🔛🔝 as always.

NO COURT 😓😓😓😭😭😭

marius was pretty badly injured what the hell WHERE'S HIS PERSONAL BODYGUARD AJDJFWJ LUKE CAN U DO A LIL FAVOR PERHAPS

artem? almost no artem. AND NO CAPTAIN MORGAN IN THIS STORY AT ALL 🥹🥲

luke's hands. r so pretty. in both goddamn illustrations. eeeee

okay and that's all the bingo points sorted, most of it sorted. two other things that piqued my interest was

1. skye harper. she loves taking care of people and she hates seeing people suffering. gerard suffered because of his mom and so many patients suffered because of tyson turner. she wants to protect her patients and the people she favors. i support her actions btw she's so cool for that. artem also supports her so that's a point in our favor! i also think her drinking all night when gerard disappeared definitely is relevant somehow, we'll see in the next chapter.

2. mc is probably feeling a little left out ngl. everyone's got their own thing, and she can't really actively participate in much because she got doxxed and her personal life is being pried into. and she can't do much about anything, not even help artem for some reason, and she's definitely having a personal conflict especially with luke's... everything. i just love mc's character so much i hope she snaps soon tbh.

thus ends my crazy goings. if u read all the way here kudos have a cookie 🍪

and when we get to the whole team about luke's illness... rubs hands together. hoo boy ch10 is going to go CRAZY.

ALSO the nsb is definitely shady and marius does not trust em all that much. i think he trusts luke but his affiliation with the nsb is causing some distance. aaa.