#i am like *this* close to making a playlist . christ alive

[july-19th-club]

gannicus is like if sydney carton hero of a tale of two cities and famously depressed working-class guillotine victim was an alcoholic rock star was an athlete in ancient rome. and a homewrecker

[willow-asin-winnie]

I am of the correct opinion that songs in languages other than English need more love and for that matter, let me introduce you to: My German Batfam Playlist Project!

And who do we start with? Jason! So here, enjoy the playlist and my elaborations, because I have thoughts and will not keep my mouth shut <333

The masterlist <3

Also on ao3.

Neue Probleme ("New Problems") by Crystal F:

Life takes it course, no matter if you're prepared or not. Nothing ever seems normal, you'll always wait for life to finally make sense. Sound familiar?

Notable lyrics: "I think too often that I am nothing and that I can do nothing, far removed from the man I wanted to be"; "If something good happens, it's the others."; "I'm still afraid they'll forget me"

Durch die Nacht ("Through the night") by Pavel Paloma:

This one, actually, is the robin-anthem and therefore, Jason has his part as well, maybe I'll translate the lyrics fully at some point (there's no official lyrics, so mhmm). Anyway, it's a story of someone literally running through the night with someone else, dancing through it, but something changes over the course of time.

Notable lyrics: "Now I'm running through the city alone, I'm running through the night alone"; "Now I need to see where I stand, it's half past three in the night, please don't come back, please let me to you"

Trophäe ("Trophy") by Paula Carolina:

Being betrayed by the one you loved, feeling you're just a trophy to them. The lyrics explain it better than I could, but it's so angry jason coded.

Notable lyrics: "No, no, I don't want to be your trophy, just one out of many"; "No, no, I won't be your trophy, why don't you hang the others on your wall?"; "Your network, it's always your network, will it save you once you're hurt?"; "Will you notice if I'm suddenly gone?"; "And sometime, once you're alone, in an empty room, sitting in front of your daughter, Maybe you'll think of me, how you forgot my birthday."

Hier raus ("Out of here") by Cédric L'amour:

You look towards the one that wronged you full of anger. You need to get out of there, before you do something you'll regret. Doesn't that sound like his anger towards not only Batman, but also Tim?

Notable lyrics: "The people scream your name and I don't understand the hype"; "I need to get out of here, just out, if I don't leave right now I can't promise anything"; "Why is nobody saying anything? Why is nobody appalled? But I have to accept it?"; "I will get my revenge"

Blut / Leben ("Blood / Life") by REPLEKA:

Basically what the song says is: As long as you would come save me, I can die tomorrow. How is that not Jason coded?

Notable lyrics: "You were what kept me alive"; "I can't see anything, it's foggy, just reflections of neon lights in your eyes"; "Your blood flows through my veins"; "I trusted you blind although you couldn't see"

Wand ("Wall") by Ennio:

This song screams desperation. You built your wall and you kinda want people to try and break it, but oh what if they succeed? Who even am I behind it? But life has to go on anyway, somehow.

Notable lyrics: "I built my wall, people look at it. Will someone come close and try to understand?"; "They say do what's right, but when you do it's not right."; "You're not in the mood [to argue and to mingle], decline the call, and down your drink."

Alles nur gelogen ("It's all a lie") by KAFFKIEZ:

I see this song as the transition period between him not wanting to go home and slowly warming up to the family again. It's rocky, it's all different, but what can you do?

Notable lyrics: "It's all a lie, nothing is as it once was"; "I'm never home, I promise too much [...], I'll be home for Christmas, maybe"; "Whatever I say, it's not fair, I can't be fair enough for us both right now"; "I'd say I miss you, but I'm scared what that means, so I just try to move on and forget who we once were"

Elektronisches Mädchen ("E-girl/Electronic girl", but in a very very literally translated sense.) by Punk Christ:

This one, I can't quite explain. It's actually about people desperately trying to be different from the others, but subsequently being just like everyone else.

How is Batman commiting crimes in the name of justice okay, but not him?

Notable lyrics: "You say you're punk, she says your emo, he says you're just an electronic girl"; "Just admit you're actually like everyone else"

Mein Spiegelbild (hasst mich) ("My mirror image (hates me)") by raumfisch, Liser:

Being very painfully aware of your own flaws, but struggling to do anything against them. Also, what even are the chances Jason never broke a mirror after meeting the others again?

Notable lyrics: "Even the cashier at the corner store knows my life is a lie"; "It's not bad to be alone, I'll just drink for two."; "I count the flaws of the reflection, thoughts swirling. The image laughs, because he knows better. I fall for it"; "No, I'm not hurt, I am fine on my own, even if the shards of my mirror tell a different story."

Warte, warte ("wait, wait") by Subway To Sally:

Jason in his revenge era. Just. Look at the lyrics and you'll get it.

Notable lyrics: "In the streets, on the markets, you hear it quiet then loud, there is a monster in the city"; "a few people disappeared, now the people live in fear"; "in the dark, the werewolf is waiting for you. Wait, wait just a little while, wait, just wait for him."; "Everything around us falls apart, and in midst of the flames sneaks the monster into the light, bites down on your throat, drinks your blood and wishes so much that they'll talk of him in even a hundred years"; "All wolves and vampires, all demons, are just this: Humans that hunt humans"

Mein Kopf ist eine Party ("My mind is a party") by Paula Engels:

A party as a metaphor for panic, basically. It fits. Trust me on this. I think the deeper reason I think it fits is because Jason's arcs don't make sense in my head without panic. The anger and fear after being resurrected, everything that happened after, the "replacement" thing.

There is underlying panic, once the rage is not present enough to distract him from it.

Notable lyrics: "My mind is a party, can't breathe. I haven't felt for too long how it feels to feel nothing."; "My mind is a party, don't want to be here. I'm alone and the room closes in. Is the party winning?"; "The room is too small, all their stares on me, suddenly everything is quiet. They smirk is wide, say: 'You can only lose'"; "And I ask myself 'Is this still normal?'"

deine mama mag mich nicht ("your mother doesn't like me") by Yunus:

Okay, so. This is a hypothetical, okay? It's a great song. In theory it's about the parents of your love disapproving of you. But just. Bear with me.

Notable lyrics: "your mother doesn't like me, she's afraid of losing you, although i was always so friendly to them"; "I stand in front of your family like a sacrifice, don't know if I can do it again."; "I feel their death stares on me, but they can forget me breaking up with you."; "If they knew I'll stay, they'd kick me out"; "I hold back, why don't I ignore it? Where does love start and where does it end?"

...Hear me out. Red Hood Jason as the narrator. With past Jason as the lover.

GUT<BESSER<ICH ("GOOD<BETTER<ME") by TJ_beastboy:

Jason high on confidence. What you can do, I can do better. Nothing else to add.

Notable lyrics: "Didn't you already know? It goes: Good, better, me."

CONCLUSION:

More people need to listen to German music and I will supply you with it. If you enjoyed my ramblings and subpar translation skills, make sure you check out the next playlists once I post them.

Also, if you enjoyed the songs, make sure to check out some of the artists other work! Some of them are still very small and it would mean the world to me (and probably them) if more people got to enjoy their music.

Also, here the link again, in case the one above doesn't work: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5HvMcE3IEO84vgqvNpr3d9?si=8376107780924f79

[j0elmill3r]

Me And You Together Song

Chris Evans x Daughter!reader

Jaeden Martell x Reader

Chris Evans Masterlist

Part Two of The Tonight Show [Read Here!]

Warnings; Swearing, mentions of past abuse, mentions of manipulative exes, ft. sebby stan

word count; 2.1k

A/N; Kinda didn't follow what the request was looking for because I didn't know how to write it, but I hope this is okay. I made sebby appear because I can and it's not a day in New York without the man himself

--

Chris sighed as your phone went to voicemail for the fifth time. You were meant to be up an hour ago so you could go and get something to eat, but you were still sleeping, as per usual. Chris was trying his hardest not to go into yours and Jaeden's room, he wasn't hoping to see you in bed with someone that was your boyfriend, not yet. To him, you were the same little girl who came running in from the backyard after falling from the swings and cutting your knee, and you needed him to kiss it better. But eventually, he had to go and get you, first of all, he was worried, and second, he was hungry as fuck. Chris was glad Jaeden had given him a spare key last night, but he knocked first.

"Y/N, Jaeden. Are you alive?" There was no response except snoring, who Chris couldn't identify if it were yours or your boyfriends. Chris sighed and opened the door, relief flooding his body when he saw that both you and Jaeden were fully clothed and cuddled up to each other, his arms around you tightly. "I don't know whether to gush or throw up," He said to himself. Chris tried making as much noise as possible, but neither of the 17-year-olds in the bed woke up. Moving over to the lightswitch, Chris flicked the switch on and off until he heard you groan. You twisted out of Jaeden's arms and your arm flopped out of the bed.

"Jae, quit it," you groaned, your eyes still clenched shut because it felt like you were in a colourless rave.

"That's not me," He told you. Your eyes opened and from the shape of the body standing over at the light switch, you could make it out to be your dad standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hi, Dad," You greeted him. Chris walked over to the nightstand and pressed the home button on your phone and saw his contact name on your screen.

Dad

5 Missed Calls

"5 times. You really have a habit of forgetting things, Y/N. Do I wanna know what time you both fell asleep or did you just fall asleep?" He asked. You sat up and sat still for a second before looking up at your dad, your eyes still squinted.

"What time is it?"

"9 am," He told you. Jaeden laughed dryly and turned to you, a tired look on his face.

"I told you we would regret staying up until 6," He told you. You rolled your eyes and playfully pushed his shoulder. "Ow," He groaned.

"Shut up," You turned to your dad. "Look, I'm sorry. We didn't plan on staying up so late and we kinda forgot that time was a concept" You pulled the puppy dog eyes that you had learned from your dad, he could never stay mad at you for long if you used them.

"It's okay. I have some stuff to do today, so you two are on your own. If I come back and either of you is in anyway undressed, you," He pointed at you. "Are grounded for life," You nodded. "And please don't get lost, I don't wanna drag Sebastian around New York looking for both of you," He said.

"You're gonna go see Seb?" he nodded from where he was standing at the door. "Tell him I said hi," Your dad said goodbye and then left both of you.

"Okay, we need to go and get food. I don't know about you, but I'm starving," You nodded at Jaedens suggestion. "There's a place I saw a few blocks from here,"

"And you just happened to be on the lookout for places?" You asked him. Jaeden turned to look at you and gave you a serious look.

"Of course I was, I couldn't be wandering around New York not knowing places to go and get breakfast. Jesus Christ, Y/N, who do you take me for?" You laughed at him as you fell back onto the bed and onto his chest.

"I don't know, I certainly didn't take you as someone who was so into food places in New York. I was literally just gonna go to iHop," You told him. "And anyway, I thought you hated going out in New York because you get scared you'll lose me in the literal sea of people," You reminded him.

"Yeah, but you've grown around 3 inches and I can see you now that you dyed your hair lighter," He ran his fingers through your hair that you convinced your dad to let you make more blonde than it was, it was similar to your dads', but a little darker. "But, if you wanna go to iHop, that's fine, I don't mind," He smiled down at you.

"You should go shower," You suggested to him. He looked down at you with a furrowed brow.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" You sat up and smiled at him innocently, shaking your head.

"No, but you should just go and shower," You said, putting your hand on his chest. He huffed and got out of bed, turning back to face you. But as if you could predict what he was going to say, you throw a pillow at him full force, causing him to grunt as it hit his face. "Shower!" He threw the pillow back at you and went into the bathroom. In the space of an hour, you were both ready. Your laptop was open and playing your playlist from Spotify, Bloody Valentine by Machine Gun Kelly playing from the speakers.

"This song is stupid," You turned to face Jaeden, shock was written on your face. "I mean, what is it even about?" He asked you.

"It doesn't matter. Megan Fox is in the music video, that's all that matters," You told him. Jaeden closed your laptop and put it in your bag. Then crossing his arms and tilting his head, his hair falling to one side.

"Okay then, would you rather me or Megan Fox?" He asked you. Your jaw dropped to the floor at his question, picking between those two things was like asking if you had to choose between a brain or a heart, both things are important. "Did you seriously just ask me that?" Jaeden nodded and smirked. "You, obviously. But it's Megan fucking Fox, you're telling me you don't find her attractive?" You asked him.

"I think everyone finds her attractive," He murmured.

"Thank you! Don't get your underwear in a twist over Megan Fox, Jae. You have my heart," You told him as you kissed him on the nose. Jaeden pouted, making you furrow your eyebrows. "What?" "You missed," He told you. "I did? Well, I apologize, but that's what you get when you shit on Machine Gun Kelly,"

--

"Do we have to?" Jaeden whined. You nodded and took his hand, dragging him into Macy's.

"Yes, because if I go home without something for Miles and Stella, they'll never talk to me again and that'll be really awkward when I have to babysit," You told him. "And I thought the toy aisle was your favourite?" You asked him mockingly. Jaeden shook his head and flipped you off. "Jaeden Martell! How dare you make such obscene gestures in the children's toy aisle!"

"My sincerest apologies, Lady Y/N," He said. You laughed and picked something out for your younger cousins. "Alright, can we like sit down or something, my feet hurt," He complained.

"Okay, we can go for lunch now if you want, that way you can stop bitching," You told him.

"For the daughter of Captain America, you really do have a mouth on you," He said. "I would quote the line but you're probably sick of hearing it between fans and your dad," You nodded.

"Okay, since I chose breakfast, you can choose lunch. I don't mind where, I'll pay," You told him.

"You sure?" You nodded. "Alright, I know a place. Jack told me about it and said it was pretty good, I know where it is though," He said.

"The last time you said that we ended up in downtown L.A and nearly dying," You reminded him. "We were just lucky because Scott happened to be driving around,"

"That was one time,"

"And I'm sure it won't be the last," You left Macy's and walked to the place Jaeden was talking about, and walking in you knew he had asked Jack for recommendations. "This is nice," You said as you were seated. You took your jacket off and shivered as your bare arms were exposed to the air.

"How are you cold?" Jaeden asked you incredulously. You shrugged and smiled as he pulled his hoodie off, handing it over to you.

"You're amazing," You said fondly. Jaeden chuckled.

"I try my best,"

--

"Y/N looks a lot happier," Sebastian said. Chris took a drink of his beer and nodded. "I know the last year wasn't exactly easy, but she's doing better," Chris nodded.

"Yeah, she deserves it, really, she does. Jaeden helped her a lot too, I can't take all of the credit," Chris told Sebastian.

"Yeah. That Lucas dude fucked her around, I'm surprised you didn't kill the little dick," Chris laughed and nodded.

"No, that night I saw the look in Y/N's eyes and knew she needed me. And trust me, I would have," Chris hated thinking about Lucas and what he had done to you. He was manipulative and if you ever said you were thinking of leaving him, he would say he would hurt himself and it would be all your fault. He had hit you on a few occasions too, but you would always tell yourself he never meant it, and that the bruises your dad saw were just because you were clumsy. "But, I know that Jaeden would never hurt Y/N, not on purpose. I trust him with her, and I trust Y/N to know the signs now,"

"I don't know much about this whole 'parenting' gig, Chris, but I know that you're doing well with Y/N, ever since I've known you, you always put her first. I mean, you basically told the Russos that if they kept you on set for an hour longer, you wouldn't be there the next morning because you were gonna be late for her soccer game," Chris laughed at the memory Sebastian had brought up.

"Yeah, she won that game. She scored the winning goal," He smiled. "They're probably still awake," Chris looked at the time on his phone, 01:34.

"You should probably go, don't you have a flight at 12?" Sebastian asked. Chris nodded.

"Yeah, it's not me that has the problem waking up, it's the two insomniac teenagers who stayed up until 6 am yesterday,"

--

You were snoring away softly while Jaeden was watching something on his phone, using your head as a stand. Your head was laid on his chest and your body was pressed up as close as possible against his. Jaeden's other arm was around you, his arm going all the way around you and coming to your waist. The door clicked open, but it was only your dad.

"Shit, sorry. I thought you'd both be awake," Chris said. Jaeden put his phone down on the nightstand. "Since when did Y/N fall asleep before 3 am?"

"She was saying she was tired today, we were watching Netflix and next thing I knew she was asleep and now I can't move her," Jaeden said. Chris sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Do you want me to move her?" Chris asked. Jaeden shook his head and looked down at you.

"It's fine, she'll probably move anyway," He said.

"Alright, I'll go," Chris stood up and walked to the door, but turned back last minute. "Thank you, Jaeden," "Oh uh- what for?" Jaeden furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Looking after her. I know she can be closed off sometimes, but she really loves you Jaeden. Next thing I know you'll be running to me asking to marry her," Chris said. Jaeden laughed quietly, and the vibrating of his chest made you groan in annoyance.

"Give it a few years," Jaeden moved down and tried not to disturb you again in fear he might get a pillow to the face. "Good night, Chris,"

"You guys talk too loud," You said tiredly. "My dad really likes you," You told him. "Thanks?" You got delirious when you were tired. "You should go back to sleep, it's late," He told you.

"You go to sleep too then," You said. "And plus, 'm not even tired," You said, a yawn interrupting you. Jaeden nodded, playing along with you.

"Right, just put your head back down and cuddle with me again, I'm cold," He said. You put your head back on his chest and fell asleep in about 3 seconds. "Not tired my ass,"

--

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[jungshookz]

Idk if this has been sent before but imagine like baker jin and forgetful y/n like she needs to get a cake for yoongi asap bc she forgot his bday and jin is completely okay w working at supersonic speed for this cute little teary eyed person who seems to be in big trouble

➺ pairing; kim seokjin x reader

➺ genre; baker!jin duh, fluffier than jin’s popular angel food cake!! jin and y/n are a couple of cuties :’) 

➺ wordcount: 3.9k

➺ what to expect; “okay! that’s easy. a birthday cake is doable! see? nothing to get teary-eyed over, darling!”

➺ note; i’m not going to lie the one thing that motivated me to finALLy write this request was the phrase ‘cute little teary-eyed person’ i am soFT! I AM SOFT! okay bye i love baker!jin 

                                        »»————-　🍰　————-««

you’ve been sitting in your car for the past twenty minutes trying to remember what exactly it was that namjoon asked you to do for yoongi’s birthday

you know it wasn’t to get everyone to sign his birthday card because that was your job lasT year and also jungkook is in charge of that this year because last week he literally asked you to sign yoongi’s card

and it definitely wasn’t to decorate the venue because namjoon always takes care of that (because he likes things done a certain way and doesn’t trust anyone else with the important job of whEre to place the balloons)

and it also wasn’t to wrap his birthday gifts because according to jimin your wrapping skills are awful and you have the cutting skills of a toddler using those play scissors

it certainly wasn’t to pick yoongi up from his apartment because if that was your job then yoongi would be in the car with you right now (it’s hoseok’s job this year)

and taehyung was the one who curated the invite list aNd took care of the music playlist so you know that wasn’t your job either

so what… in the world… did namjoon ask you to do?

your memory has always been pretty shitty so you probably should’ve written it down

actually you dID technically write it down the day namjoon asked you to take care of it because you remember vividly using your pen and writing it on the back of your hand and then you remember namjoon scolding you and delving into a lecture about the dangers of ink poisoning

but then you washed your hands

and once it was wiped away from your hand it was wiped away from your memory

and that was two weeks ago

so now

here you are

in the parking lot of the venue (you guys are celebrating yoongi’s suRPRISE party at his favourite video game arcade) sitting in your car in complete silence hoping that whatever task you were supposed to complete will just naturally come to you

the party starts at 8 and it’s 7 right now so you still have an hour left to think

you came early to help namjoon set up but then the whole ‘i feel like i’m forgetting something’ thought creeped into your mind and now here you are

and you’re a little afraid to go in and ask namjoon about your mystery task because you feel like he’s going to skin you alive if he finds out that you have noT completed the mystery task

but then again he’s namjoon and namjoon wouldn’t hurt a fly!!!! he’s a sweetie pie!!!

hm

whatever your task is it probably wasn’t that important because namjoon should know better than to send you off with completing something that is integral to the success of yoongi’s surprise party

“you have three seconds to tell me that you’re kidding before i actually lose it.” namjoon presses his lips together before exhaling slowly

okay

so

quick breakdown of what happened after you decided to leave the safety of your car

you came in

said hello to everyone

complimented jimin’s gift-wrapping skills

snuck one of the mini cheeseburger off the foods table

asked tae if he could add dancing queen on the playlist because no party is complete without some ABBA

snuck a mini corndog off the foods table

and then wandered over to a busy namjoon to say hi but before you could say hi namjoon asked you where ‘it’ was, to which you responded with “what… what is ‘it’?”

“by it, i mean the birthday cake. yoongi’s birthday cake. yoongi’s birthday cake that you were supposed to take care of this year because of the revolving system that i- y/n, i need you to say something and stOP staring at me like you don’t know what i’m talking about-“

“oh, the birthday cake!” you snap your fingers before putting your hands on your hips “god, thanks for clearing that up for me. i was literally scratching my head over it for like an hour.”

well there we go!

the mystery has been solved!!!

now you know what namjoon asked you to do for yoongi’s birthday

you were supposed to get his birthday cake!

…

…

…hollup

the smile immediately drops from your face

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET YOONGI’S BIRTHDAY CAKE

“oh my- oh my goD-“ your eyes practically pop out of their sockets when it finally registers that you were supposed to order a custom birthday cake for yoongi and you definitely did noT order anything for yoongi

“y/n, i asked you to do one thing-!” namjoon groans and throws his hands up into the air

“i know, i know!!!!! it’s okay, i’ll fix this!” you reassure as you rummage through your purse for your car keys “what flavour should i get??? classic birthday cake?? lemon curd??”

“lem- leMON CUR- oh my GOD i want to hurl you into the middle of a busy intersection-“ namjoon feels like he’s about to have a stroke christ almiGHTY

LEMON CURD????

yoongi’s not turning EIGHTY

“lemon curd??” your voice is turning piTchy and that’s an indicator that you are PANICKING “was that a yes for lemon cur-“

you freeze in fear when namjoon suddenly reaches forward and squiSHes your face in between his hand

“shut up and listen to the words that are about to come out of my mouth.” he says lowly and you swallow thickly before nodding

you’re not sure if you like this namjoon

“a four layer cake. alternating layers of chocolate cake and confetti cake. light blue buttercream frosting in between the layers. dark blue buttercream frosting all around. black sprinkles around the cake - not the top, just around the cake, it’s crucial that there are no sprinkles on the top. in black buttercream frosting, ‘happy birthday yoongi’ in block letters.” he almost growls and you feel like your heart is about to fall out of your ass

if anything will teach you to nevEr forget anything again it’ll be this version of namjoon

he’s like bridezilla except instead of a bride he’s a self appointed party planner

“four layers. chocolate. confetti. light blue in between. dark blue all around. black sprinkles all around, not on top. happy birthday yoongi. block letters. black letters. block black letters??” you probably look like a crazy person muttering things to yourself as you huStle back to your car

namjoon said that if you don’t get back to the party with a custom birthday cake by the time the clock strikes 9:00 he’ll kill you and you beLIEVE him

since you’re not going to be there when the party starts jimin said he’ll come up with some buLLshit excuse about you running late so that yoongi doesn’t get too suspicious about your whereabouts

he mentioned that he didn’t really want a cake this year but all of you know how much yoongi loves cake

and you love seeing him make that ‘i’m pretending i’m surprised but in reality i knew this was going to happen all along’ face

it’s so cute!!

you slam the front door shut and hurry to buckle yourself in as you type ‘custom birthday cakes near me’ on google maps

it’s fine! you’ll be fine

you wiLL definitely be able to find some bakery to put together a suPER last minute custom birthday cake

more specifically, a four layer cake with alternating layers of chocolate cake and confetti cake slathered with blue buttercream frosting and covered with sprinkles around it (not on top! just around! very important!) and also it should say ‘happy birthday yoongi!’ and the writing should be in chunky letters using black buttercream frosting

“why do bakeries close so early???” you wonder out loud as you continue to scroll through the results

literally everything is closed

if there’s one thing you’ve learned from this it’s that bakers are noT night owls

c’mon come oN

you’ll take anything at this point

you nearly scream in joy when you see that there’s one bakery that a) specialises in custom cakes and b) is still open for another thirty minutes and c) is not that far from you!!!!

according to google the place called sweet kimfecjins

oh dear god

what the heLL kind of a name is that???

whA-

and it is far from you!!!! it’s a twenty minute drive away from you!!!

under these circumstances that’s not close at aLL

you need a place that’s at the most thirty seconds away from you (you are noT kidding you really need this cake right here right now)

what other options are there

well

there’s a mcdonald’s near you

maybe you can just buy a bunch of those apple pies and use the oreo mcflurries to glue them all together to buiLD a cake

sure, it’s literally the farthest thing from what namjoon told you to get, but it’s a cake!!!!!

…okay you can’t do that to yoongi

if you were presented with an apple-pie-mcflurry nightmare as a birthday cake you would be pretty bummed out

so this means one thing

sweet kimfecjins here we come

surprisingly enough you make it to the bakery in twelve minutes time without running any red lights oR running any pedestrians over

you did honk at a couple crossing the street but you made sure to shoot them an apologetic smile

they still flipped you off but the point is you made it to the bakery with like fifteen minutes left to spare until they close up for the night

and-

“oh- oh no- nonONoOnONONO-“ your eyes are as wide as saucers as you practically slam yourself up against the glass doors right as the (presumable) owner is flipping the sign to ‘closed’ “oh, please- please, google said that you’re not closing for like another fifteen minutes, please, you haVe to help me i nEED a cake-“

namjoon is going to have your head on a stick if you don’t get this cake so you are going to have to beg like you’ve never begged before

jin sighs to himself as he watches the clock tick tock tick tock

it’s been a slow day today

he had a couple people in this afternoon but they only bought like one strawberry turnover to share in between the two of them

who shaRES one single strawberry turnover???

psychopaths, that’s who

and also he had some tourists come in and they bought a box of his carrot cake cupcakes so that was pretty good

he also managed to convince them to buy another box of red velvet cupcakes >:-) it was actually pretty easy because he just had to flirt with the two girls and they immediately were like okAY more cupcakes won’t hurt

…what???

he has to make a living!!!

yoU would do the same if you had to make money

but other than that business has been a little slow

last week he had a bachelorette party cake request and he spent five hours moulding a penis out of fondant so that was pretty exciting

they even gave him a bonus tip because they said it looked very realistic

what can he say?? his hands are magical

but now he’s bored out of his mind and honestly he wouldn’t even mind if he got another request for a penis cake

he just wants to maKE something!!!

he made a couple cakes this morning and put them in the display cases hoping to lure people in to buy them but they’ve been untouched!! so he’s just going to pack up all the leftovers of the day and deliver it to the food bank

hopefully they’ll enjoy all his delicious treats.,.., that they’re getting for free.,,.., even though he would much rather prefer getting compensated for his hard work

do you SEE how beautifully braided the puff pastry is for his apple tarts???????

since no one seems to be buying baked goods at this hour jin decided to close up a little earlier tonight

he’s going to clean up a little bit and do some prepping for tomorrow (his secret to the best chocolate chip cookies is chilling the dough overnight) and then he’s going to pack up all the leftovers and deliver them and thEn he’s finally going to go home and maybe order some dinner or something

as he flips the sign to ‘closed’, he-

“jeSUS fuCJK-“ jin jumps thirty feet in the air when someone suddenly slams up against the glass doors

goD

“oh- oh no- nonONoOnONONO- oh, please- please, google said that you’re not closing for like another fifteen minutes, please, you haVe to help me i nEED a cake-“

thank god the doors are locked because whoever you are you seem INSANE

“i’m sorry, i’m closing up for the night!” jin replies and gives you a shrug “come back tomorrow! i open at 7am sharp-“ jin immediately stops talking when he notices your eyes starting to well up with tears

oh god

he didn’t mean to make you cry!!

why are you crying????

is 7am not early enough for you??

“i- um, i mean i guess i could open at 6:30 but to be honest i might pass out while frosting your cake that early because my beauty sleep is-“

“no, you don’t understand- it’s my friend’s birthday tonight a-and we’re throwing him a surprise party and i was supposed to get the cake for him because that was the task that namjoon- he’s another one of my friends - that he assigned to me but i- well, i wrote it down on my hand but then i washed my hands and then i kinda forgot about it but that was two weeks ago and now i have to get yoongi - that’s the birthday boy - i have to get him his special cake otherwise namjoon’s going to be so upset with me and-“ your mouth is running like a motor and jin can barely keep up with this story because you keep throwing in new details and also it’s hard to hear you through the glass

something something birthday cake something surprise party something bukjoon something something

okay

you know what

you made a fair point

he iS technically still open so he’ll let you in

(and also you’re…,,. kind of cute so there’s that)

a fat tear threatens to roll down your cheek as you continue to blubber and jin holds a finger up

you immediately shut up and jin offers you a smile before opening the door “i’ll help you if you stop crying.”

you nod quickly and reach up to wipe at your drippy eyes

your nose has gone a little pink and your eyes are glossy and jin can’t help but find that even moRe endearing

“now - what did you need?” jin asks calmly as he leads you towards the front counter

“a birthday cake.” you sniffle before clearing your throat

“okay! that’s easy. a birthday cake is doable!” jin claps his hands together after he makes his way behind the counter “see? nothing to get teary-eyed over, darling!”

okay woAh

he’s not sure where the pet-name came from

it just rolled off his tongue so naturally!!!

you hiccup and your nose twitches and jin feels his heart pit-a-pat in his chest

o boy

“but i- it has to be four layers and it has to be chocolate confetti chocolate confetti and then i need blue- light blue buttercream frosting in between the layers and… and i think dark blue buttercream around- or maybe it’s dark blue in between and light blue around-“ you start to ramble again and jin’s eyes widen

chRist

this birthday cake might not be that doable after all

usually he just has to write ‘happy birthday ____!’ on top of a cake and maybe make some pretty frosting roses on top and that’s it

“how about-“ jin interrupts you agAin with a gentle smile, “how about i get you a pen and paper and you can list out all the requirements for this special cake? in the meantime, i’ll heat up a cup of my homemade strawberry milk for you and- are you a fruit person or a chocolate person?”

“chocolate?” you pull a chair out from a table and drag it over so that you’re sitting right by the front counter “i like milk chocolate.”

“lucky for you, i use milk chocolate for my chocolate mousse cake. do you like whipped cream?” jin asks as he slides a notepad and pen over to you

you nod before offering him a shy smile

okay

so far so good

your cake actually isn’t that complicated! it just has a loT of different pieces that have to be put together

and it’s a good thing jin still has some pans of cake that he baked this morning (usually he bakes the cakes in the morning and then lets them rest for the night and then he frosts them the neXt morning so that it’s ready for his customers)

unfortunately he didn’t have any confetti cake so instead he replaced it with plain vanilla cake and then in the blue frosting he threw in a whole handful of sprinkles

and the buttercream frosting is easy to make because he makes them by the buCket so all he had to do was dump food dye in it

and he knows about your time limit so he’s working as quickly as possible

he really wants to strike up a conversation with you but a) he needs to focus and b) for some reason he can’t seem to turn his usual boyish charm on with you because you seem so… delicate?

and you seem to have calmed down from earlier

you’re still working through the chocolate mousse cake and-

jin’s lips press together in a poor attempt to suppress his smile when he notices whipped cream on the corner of your mouth

you seem to be enjoying the cake which is a good thing

“this whipped cream is like, really good-“ you look over at jin (you asked for his name when he first started putting the cake together and just like that the name of his bakery suddenly made sense) ((and now that you think about it it’s actually a pretty clever name so braVo to him!!)) “what brand is it from?”

“oh, it’s- i actually make my own whipped cream, so it’s my own recipe.” jin smiles proudly and stands up a little straighter

“what do you put in here that makes it so good??” you wonder out loud as you scrape some off the top of the cake before sucking it off your pointer finger

“it’s easy, i pretty much just-“ jin suddenly stops whipping the frosting before narrowing his eyes at you playfully “actually, that’s for me to know and for you to nEver find out. how do i know you’re not from some rival bakery??”

“-if i was from a rival bakery i think i’d probably be able to make this cake on my own. instead i came to you and started crying when you said you were closed for the night.” you raise a brow before narrowing your eyes baCk at jin

“touché.” jin snorts as he starts to pipe the message on the top of the cake “so, um-“ he clears his throat and glances over at you briefly “this yoongi - he’s your boyfriend, you said?”

“yoongi?” you laugh lightly before shaking your head, “no, no way. yoongi is not my boyfriend. god, that’d be…. nO, yoongi is not my boyfriend.” you wipe your mouth with a napkin before dropping it on the plate

“right, right- and namjoon is-“

“namjoon is dEFINitely not my boyfriend- i don’t have a boyfriend, so-“ you lean back against the chair as you watch jin slowly piping out yoongi’s name

“ah, i see, i see.” jin nods in understanding

a moment of silence goes by

…he doesn’t know how to continue this conversation

when did he get so awKWARd at flirting????

maybe if he tries to sell you a box of cupcakes like he did with those tourists he’ll become charming again

“do you have a- is there, like, a mrs sweet kimfecjins-“

…and it’s just hitting him that yoU seem to be just as awkward as him when it comes to subtle flirting

“well, if you play your cards right you might just end up with that title, darling.”

your cheeks immEDiately go bright red and jin can’t help but smirk to himself

he’s still got it

“thank you so much for doing this at the last minute, you’re a literal life saver-“ you gush as you dig through your purse for your wallet

there are approximately 18 minutes left until the clock strikes niNE so if you drive as crazily as you did when getting hEre then you should make it back to the party before namjoon gets the chance to bite your head off

“oh, you know what?” jin shakes his head as he makes sure the cake is secure in the box “you can just take the cake - i feel like you’ve been through enough, so this one’s on me.”

“what?? no, i can’t do that to you! it’s such a nice cake!! i can’t just take it-“

“how about-“ jin stops you before you can get into another one of your five minute rambles (you seem to do that a lot) “how about in return for the cake, you let me take you out on a date?”

you blink owlishly at him and jin beams when he sees colour rising to the apples of your cheeks once again

“you- you want to take me out on a date?”

“the journey to becoming mrs sweet kimfecjins has to start somEwhere-“ jin jokes lightly before shaking his head “if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine, but i’m still going to give you the cake on the hous-“

“no, i want to!” you blurt out a little toO enthusiastically before clearing your throat and rEELing it way back “i mean- yeah, a date sounds nice… or whatever.”

“or whatever?” jin teases as he slides the box over to you “i wrote my cell number on the back of the receipt, so… text me, or whatever. let me know when you’re free and we can sort something out.”  

good lord

jin seems to know the way to a woman’s stomach aND her heart

‘i scrape fresh vanilla beans into the whipped cream - that’s what makes it so yummy! there’s also another ingredient but i’ll tell you what it is on our date. see you soon, darling. -your favourite very super unbelievably handsome baker, jin’

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[lauwrite1225]

Somebody to die for.

Finan x OC; The Old Guard inspired Alternative Universe

Summary : Victoria’s life is rather simple until she has a car accident from which she ends up miraculously unscathed. A series of weird events animates her daily life, everything seemingly bringing her to a strange man. Until this very man knocks at her door.

Spotify Playlist • Masterlist

A/N : Happy Finan Friday my friends! Alright it's still thursday to most of yall, but it isn't in France anymore and I was to excited to post to wait the morning lmaoo. I had so many good feedbacks on chapter one, you all can’t imagine how happy it made me! So as you noticed, I like to change the moodboard for each chapter, I hve fun making this ahah, I hope you all don’t mind!

Warnings : blood and death

Chapter 2 : There’s a truth and it’s on our side

Victoria blinks several times at the man standing right in front of her. Her eyes go down and up his body, analysing every inch of him and when she realizes he is wearing the same sweatshirt as the man in the bookshop, she’s panic-stricken. He doesn’t even have the time to say a word as she closes the door in his face and presses her back against it. Did this psychopath follow her to her home? She doesn’t see any other explanation, or maybe it’s just the one making the most sense. Because even if it's the guy from the bookshop, it doesn’t explain why he is the one she’s been dreaming of for a month now. Christ, things couldn’t get weirder. 

She gathers all the courage she has and shouts through the door. “Who the hell are you?”

She hears the man scoff, the sound attenuated by the door. “Ya wouldn’t trust me if I tell ya like this.” 

Her fingers nervously drum on her thigh. “Are you… Are you the “time traveller”?” This question would probably make her sound crazy, but a stranger knocking at your door after following you from your work place is undoubtedly crazier. The thought makes her realize that keeping talking to him maybe isn’t in fact the best idea, and as the man hesitates to answer, she looks around for her phone. 

“Hum… Yes kinda.” He replies and Vicky freezes. He doesn’t even deny, which confirms her assumption that he really is mad. “But I’m not really a time traveler.” 

Victoria frowns. “What do you mean?”

“That’s hard to explain to a door.” He jokes but Vicky doesn’t laugh, so he answers in a more neutral tone. “I think you and I are the same.”

“The same?” She repeats, her eyes finally falling on her phone. She walks aways from the door to take it from the table and leans against the door again. 

She starts to type the number of the police when he speaks. “It’s goin’ to sound really weird. But… I’ve seen ya in my dreams.” Victoria immediately pauses, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Her breath strangely accelerates as she considers his words.

“How can I know you’re telling me the truth?”

“Ya’ve been in a car accident. That’s the first dream I’ve got of ya.”

Victoria is breathless. She has spoken to no one about it, only giving lies, affirming her car has been stolen. She doesn’t know if his answer should reassure her or not, but she switches off her phone and slides it in her pocket before unlocking the door and opening it just slightly. “How do you know that?” She asks him, her voice between fear and curiosity. 

The man’s gaze is soft as he rubs the back of his neck. “Told ya, I dreamt of it. Maybe we could talk inside? It's better if there’s no one to hear us.”

Vicky hesitates, staring alternatively between him and the inside of her flat, until she finally moves away. Every part of her mind is screaming at her how bad an idea it is to let this strange, very strange man in, but her intuitions and curiosity are thinking otherwise. She has spent the weirdest month of her life, and something is telling her he would have the answers. 

“What’s your name?” She asks, closing the door behind him.

“Finan.” He smiles. “And ya’re Victoria?”

She narrows her eyes at him. “I am.” She studies him from a decent distance, actually more like a safe one. He is every bit of the man she’s been dreaming of, tall, thick dark hair, a few scars on his face, strong shoulders and something she has grown to find endearing about him, his childish smile. She wonders if he knows she’s been dreaming about him as well, he would have probably already mentioned it if he did. “So, why do you think we are the same?” She asks, her arms crossed over her chest. 

Finan looks around, as if to be sure that there is no one else listening. “I think you died during your accident.” 

“What?” She exclaims, her eyes widening. “I wouldn’t be standing here if I was dead.” She answers, tilting her head at what seems to be obvious to her. 

“That’s why I said you died.” He replies, insisting on the last word. 

“So I came back to life?” 

“Yes.”

“That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.” She says in an awkwardly neutral tone.

Finan rolls his eyes. “Then you should have a wound, anything that would prove you’ve had a crash. T’was quite violent of what I remember.” He raises an eyebrow and Vicky finds nothing to answer. He is right, she is miraculously alive, but the blood she found in the car and on her clothes doesn’t match that reality.

“How do you know all of that?” She asks again.

He moves forward but she immediately steps back. “I told ya, I think we’re the same. I died several times before.”

Vicky’s face twists in disbelief. “I can’t believe that.” She says. 

The man sighs, his shoulders falling heavily and looking up to the ceiling. “I guess I don’t have another choice than to make ya believe me.” He puts his hand in his pocket and removes a folding knife from it. 

“What are you doing?” She panics, stepping back even more.

He raises his hands in sign of peace. “Calm down, I won’t hurt ya.” He promises.

However, he unfolds the knife and to Victoria’s surprise he doesn’t try to attack her, but brings it to his neck. Finan takes a deep breath and murmurs something before sinking the blade in his throat, grimacing at the pain that occurs. A scream of horror escapes her as he falls to the floor, blood coming out of the wound and his mouth. She rushes to his side, removing the knife and pressing her hand on his throat to stop the bleedings.

“No, no, no, no… Stay with me, please.” She freaks out while Finan is bleeding to death on the floor of her flat, gasping for air. He holds her gaze, and in contrast to the time she dreamt of his death, he seems calm. With her other hand, she tries to find his pulse, but there’s nothing. “No…” She whispers, breathless. “No, no, no! You can’t be dead!” She starts to shake his shoulders and as he remains inert, she grabs her phone in her pocket and starts to tap the emergency number, trying not to tremble too much.

But before she can press on the green button, Finan takes a deep breath as if he is coming out of the water. Surprised, she drops her phone and falls back. He coughs several times, spitting blood as he sits up. Victoria can’t keep her wide opened eyes from him, especially when she notices how the wound in his neck heals by itself in a minute until there’s nothing, not even a scar. He wipes the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand and looks at the red puddle around him. 

“Hum… Sorry for the mess.” He apologizes as his eyes meet hers.

But Vicky can’t care less. “You were dead, and you’re fucking alive.” She whispers, not believing what she just witnessed.

“D'ya trust me now?” He asks her.

Vicky opens her mouth, but no sound comes out of it. She rubs her face with both her hands, not caring about the blood still on them. None of this makes sense, but it is undeniably real. “How did you do that?” She questions him, removing her hands.

Finan's gaze darkens for a brief moment. “I wish I knew.” He stands up, stretching his arms and her mind still can't grasp the fact that a few minutes ago he was dead. He walks towards her but he keeps the same distance she has settled before. “But I'm sure the same happened to ya.” 

Victoria looks up to him and there's some sort of joy sparking in his eyes to know she is like him and she wonders if until now, he has been the only one like this. She frowns, she knows nothing of him, but in a short time, he has revealed her every secret of what she could only call a superpower, and she feels like he deserves to know everything as well. 

“I dreamt of you too.” she says softly and it's Finan's turn to stare at her with wide eyes. 

He crouches in front of her. “Really?”

She shakes her head up and down vigorously. “I saw your death too. But you were wearing a leather armour, fighting in a clearing during the night.” Finan's face becomes as pale as a ghost as she explains her own dreams. “And then you're stabbed from behind, and I can feel all the pain, how the life is leaving your body.” She is quite surprised she succeeds to actually put words on it, thinking of it still giving her thrills. “I dreamt of other things, during other periods of time, but you’re always there.” She concludes, looking up from her bloody hands to him. “What does it mean?” 

“I’ve no idea.”

They both say nothing for a moment, simply trying to understand all the information. Everything seems so surrealistic to Vicky but she can’t deny all of this somehow makes sense. She sighs, like it could clear her confused thoughts and looks at the amount of blood on her floor. 

“Hm… I think I should clean that.” She says, pointing vaguely at the area. 

Finan looks behind him, grimacing. “Aye, let me help ya with that.”

“Sounds fair after you killed yourself in my entrance.” She adds as she rises to her feet, Finan doing so as well, chuckling lightly. 

She walks to a closet and comes back with a mop and a bucket. While she fills it with hot water and a little bit of cleaning soap, she discreetly observes Finan. It’s really strange to see him in a modern outfit after dreaming of him so many times in Middle Age clothes. She frowns, this thought bringing a new question.

“I have a question.” She declares, stepping towards him with the bucket while he grabs the mop she has leaned against a chair.

“Ask it.” He sinks the mop into the water and wrings it out while waiting for her question. 

“When did you die?”

The corner of his mouth rises. “I told ya, I died many times.” 

Vicky rolls her eyes. “I mean the first time.” 

Finan pauses, stopping to clean her floor, his eyes darkening as earlier. “Sometime during the ninth century.” He answers finally.

She makes a strangled sort of noise. “The ninth century? You’re what? A thousand years old? You look barely thirty!”

“I guess I should take that as a compliment.” He chuckles but Victoria isn’t in the mood to share a laugh. 

“Oh fuck me, you must be kidding me.” She sighs, sitting on the nearest chair. “Are you the only one like this?” She hesitates on a word that describes what she means but can't to a better one than : “Immortal?”

Finan shrugs. “As far as I know, there was just me until now.”

“So we are two.” She points her finger at her chest and then his. “Just you and I.” He nods, pinching his lips in a thin line while she shakes her head. “That's fucking insane.” 

“You're tellin' me!” He exclaims exaggeratingly.

But again Victoria ignores his attempt of jokes to ask another question. “How did you find me?”

His cheeky smile fades and he leans on the handle of the mop. “Well, in my dreams I could see moments of your life and I just tried to put all the pieces together.”

“That's creepy.”

This time he is the one rolling his eyes. “Trust me lass, when you'll have kept living for a millennial, being creepy will be the least of your problems.”

“So it was you in the bookshop?” He nods. “And you followed me?”

“I did.” He admits, finished with cleaning the floor. “Alright, maybe it really is creepy.” Victoria raises her eyebrows, as if she's surprised by his affirmation. “But it never happened to me before, and I just… I just had an intuition.”

“Well, it's maybe the least weird thing you told me since you knocked at my door.” She sighs taking the bucket and the mop from his hands to empty it in the toilets. When she comes back after putting everything back into the closet she pays more attention to the blood staining Finan's sweatshirt and her own clothes. “I should change clothes.” She says, pulling the edge of one of her sleeves, already annoyed by the time it will take to clean it correctly. “I must have something for you.”

Finan raises, probably doubting any of her clothes could fit him as she is a head smaller than him. 

“From my ex.” She answers, clearly having read his mind. 

“Ah, yeah. Thank ya.”

She walks away to her bedroom, taking the first clothes she finds and changing, making a pile of the dirty ones. Then she pulls out of a drawer a sweater from her ex that she hasn't thrown away yet. Before coming back to the living room she stops in the bathroom to wash her hands and face from the dried blood. The water is enjoyable, the only thing constant during this day where all her truths are being riled. She stares at her reflection in the mirror, meeting her own green eyes. 

“Maybe it's just a dream.” She says softly and brings her finger to her mouth. She bites in it, hard enough to break the skin. She hisses when she tastes a drop of blood on her tongue. It wasn't a dream. 

Suddenly, knocks at her door startle her and she bursts out of the bathroom. Finan is still in the middle of the living room, looking between her and the door. He looks as panicked as her and Vicky points at the room she just walked out of. 

“Hide in the bathroom.”

Finan doesn't object, grabbing the sweatshirt she hands him on his way. Once she has heard the door of the bathroom closing behind him she rushes to the front door and slowly opens. 

“Becca? What are you doing here?” Victoria asks after recognizing her best friend. 

Rebecca raises a surprised eyebrow. “You seem pleased to see me. I texted you I was coming.” She says, waving the hand with which she's holding her phone. 

“Oh… I'm sorry, I didn't really check my phone.” Victoria rubs the back of her neck. “Anyway, what do you want?”

Rebecca narrows her eyes, warning her that she's sounding weird, so she straightens a little and plasters her best smile on her face. 

“I forgot my gym bag here, yesterday. I just wanted to get it back.”

“Yeah, sure.” Victoria moves away from the door and Becca steps in, patiently waiting for her best friend to come back with the bag. 

She searches in the living room but she becomes pale when she hears a noise from the bathroom. “Is there someone else here?” She hears Rebecca ask. 

At the time she answers, she has found the bag and is walking back to her, quite nervous. “No.” She replies dryly and oh, how bad she is at lying, especially to Rebecca.

Her friend's face breaks into a mischievous smirk. “Are you hiding a boy?” 

Vicky stares at her with wide eyes before scoffing. “Absolutely not!” She hands her the bag quite abruptly. “Here's your bag. Do you need anything else?”

The tan skinned woman studies her for a second, no doubt knowing she's lying and Vicky is sure will probably hear of it in the following days. “No, that's all.” 

As soon as she's gone, Victoria heaves a sigh and turns around when the bathroom door opens. 

Finan's head appears from the small opening. “Am I the boy she's talking about?” 

“Obviously not, you're a thousand years old, old man.” She snaps, joining him.“The hell were you doing?” She pronounces her last words slower as she notices that he is standing bare chested in front of her, his skin covered with scars. She tries to keep her gaze on to his face, the blood now washed away from his beard and neck. “Doesn't matter. Get dressed.”

Vicky waits patiently in the living room for Finan to come back. When he comes back he’s wearing an uncomfortable smile, one of his thumbs jammed in his trousers pocket while he has his dirty sweatshirt in his other hand. There’s an awkward silence but Vicky couldn’t care less, sitting on a chair, her elbows resting on her thighs and her hands sliding into her hair. Finan comes closer to her and gently puts his hands on her shoulder, she doesn’t push him away, even if she wouldn’t usually allow such proximity with a stranger.

“Maybe I should let ya alone, so ya can process everythin’.” He says softly and when she lifts her head his gaze is as soft as his voice. She nods and he squeezes her shoulder before stepping to the fridge and writting something on a post-it glued on it. “That’s the hotel where I sleep, if ya need anythin’.” 

“Thank you.” 

He leaves right after, and somehow, Vicky hoped that as soon as he’d leave things would appear to be just a big joke. But she looks at the finger she bit earlier and there is no mark of her teeth, no wound. Her skin is as soft and healthy as usual.

A/N : This chapter’s dialogues are clearly the base of this fic, espacially the “a thousand yo??!!” sksks, or Finan killing himself, as @maggiescarborough​ told me : a real drama queen. Anyway, see you next week for the next chapter ;)

Tag : @obipoelover​ @for-bebbanburg​ @naps4bats​ @osferth​ @maggiescarborough​ @finansarms​ @dumbledoreisnotmyhubby​

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter Seventeen

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,225

Warnings: Language, mentions of hangover, banter, big nerves

A/N: Ah and we are BACK. Sorry for the long ass and excessive break, school got to be a little bit too much and mentally I was ~struggling~ quite a bit, but here I am now. Finals week is soon and I’ll be on break and my brain has been pumping out the creativity again which is great!! I have gotten so many ideas for what I want to happen, so stay tuned! Also, if anyone has any song suggestions or anything like that let me know! I might put them in for someone! Okay, that’s all! Thank you for dealing with my inconsistency, and I hope you enjoy loves! 🖤

───────────────────────────────────

Luckily, you both woke up without Denki and Mina coming back to the room. You also were feeling so much better than before. And maybe it was because after the two of you woke up, Shinsou just refused to let you leave his arms. For like a half an hour. “Okay, Shin, I really think we should get up. It’s literally one in the afternoon and Mina and Denki probably think we’re like, dead, or something,” you say, wiggling out of his grasp. He frowns and sighs overdramatically, causing you to giggle before going to your suitcase. Maybe you’d go out to a coffee shop or something and figure out what you were going to sing there? That could be very beneficial to you right now. Or maybe you should just stay in and mess around with your guitar? Browse through your playlists? Sweatpants, or shorts? “(Y/n).”

Shinsou’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts and causes you to look over at him. He’s sitting up now, his hair is still a mess, but he pulls it off and just looks… well, hot. Not to mention that little smirk he has on his face and the way his hand is running through his hair. “Hmm?”

“You were just staring at your clothes without doing anything else. Are you still hungover? Because if so, I think you should come back to bed and let me hold you for a few more minutes.” You roll your eyes at his cheeky ass. “No, Shin, I need to prepare for sound check in two days and so do you, so no more of that. Even if I really want to,” you mumble the last part, but Shinsou still hears it and boy oh BOY does it make his heart swell. “You make some fair points, do you have any ideas yet?” he asks, reluctantly getting out of bed. You shake your head no, reaching down to grab some things. “No, I was going to try to figure it all out all day today but we’re getting… a late start now… aren’t we?”

“Well, how about we go grab some coffee or something and talk about it together? I’ve noticed we do our best work with each other, and I don’t mean to sound like, the word that ends in friend and starts with b, but I would like to spend some not hungover time with you,” he walks over to you, wrapping his arms around you. You feel your cheeks burn and you would be lying if you said you didn’t smile because godDAMN he’s a cutie. “Fine, fine. You’re right, we do do our best work together… so I guess I can get behind it…”

“Mhm, that’s the only reason why,” he teases, and you roll your eyes wiggling your way out of his grip. You make your way to the bathroom to change and freshen up considering you just felt like you were dying for the past multiple hours. Somehow you managed to make yourself look presentable again, and honestly you felt so much better afterwards. You may have also been in a good mood because halfway through you getting ready, Shinsou began strumming away on your guitar and singing some songs he probably came up with on the spot. You’d be lying if you said his voice couldn’t instantly put you in a better mood. You walk out of the bathroom, and when Shinsou looks up to see you all smiley and happy his heart skips a beat. This is crazy to him. This little agreement y’all made was about to be a challenge. How could he not fall in love with someone like you? Well, he can’t mess this up, so he’s not going to. No matter how hard it might be. “Someone’s in a good mood.”

“Yeah, well actually cleaning yourself up after feeling and looking like death personified does things to you. You should try it.”

“Woah now, hold on. Are you saying I look like death right now?”

“Well, you don’t look alive. But that doesn’t mean you don’t look good. And that is unfair and makes me upset so because of that, you must change and freshen up,” you say and he scoffs. “Oh please. You could literally draw all over your face with sharpie and super glue and you would still be the most beautiful person in the room, miss me with that shit.” You roll your eyes, but the smile on your face betrays the façade you’re trying to put up. “Shut up and go get dressed, loser,” you say and he grins. “Well, considering you’re all ready to go, come on up to mine and Denki’s room. Then we can just head out.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You grab your bag and make sure you have your phone, room key, laptop, and some money before the two of you make your way out of your room. This is honestly crazy to you. Not only are you literally on television and you’re going to be watched on television as well, but you met Shinsou through this. Of course, you probably would have met him regardless because Denki and Mina were bound to catch up again at some point, but it’s still crazy to you that you met this man. He was actually amazing, and not only are you in his presence, but you’ve kissed him. A lot!!! At this point you don’t think it would be too crazy to say that you, in fact, are the main character. “Here we are. Hopefully Denki and Mina aren’t passed out in there.”

“Wouldn’t matter if Mina is, she could genuinely sleep through anything,” you inform him, and he opens the door. “Looks like we lucked out,” he says, holding open the heavy ass hotel door for you. You walk in and can immediately tell which bed is Denki’s and which one is Shinsou’s. Denki is chaotic, even in his living spaces. “This shouldn’t take long. Question, though.”

“Answer.”

“Should I deal with this heat and wear long sleeves or actually wear something appropriate?”

“Appropriate. It’s fucking hot here dude. Besides, save your good outfits for the stage,” you say, and he gives you finger guns. “You’re absolutely correct. I’ll change and then we can head out.” You nod, and he goes into the bathroom leaving you alone to look at Shinsou’s things he brought with him. And that’s not weird. You two are… kissing friends? Huh. Maybe you should work out whatever you guys are while still not putting a label on it- no you know what, you two are just friends. Friends. Friends who platonically sleep together and are extremely attracted to each other. That’s all. You shake your head, trying your best to stop thinking about this situation. You sit on his bed, picking up his guitar just like he did with yours in your room. You start absentmindedly stumming, probably playing some song you learned years ago. But you weren’t singing because you’re too busy thinking of a song to sing for an audience. It has to be written by someone already which sucks for you because you hate doing that, but it’s necessary. And it needs to be well known so everyone else can enjoy it as well. Oh God this is harder than it should be. “That’s pretty.” 

You jump slightly at Shinsou’s voice, and you expect him to laugh but instead he just sits next to you and looks genuinely concerned. “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot…” You can tell he’s very worried, and he reaches out and grabs your hand causing you to feel actually a lot better about this decision weighing on your mind. “I’m just stressed about this next performance. It’s in front of people and it has to be a song already written which means I need to put my own flair on it and like that should be easy, but it also won’t be because the audience needs to also recognize it and-”

“Slow down, (Y/n). You’re going to be fine, believe me. Remember, the judges are still the ones sending us through right now and they adore you.”

“Anything could happen though! And I just don’t know if I’ll even be able to do well in front of an actual crowd of people, like Mina has natural stage presence and so does Denki and Kirishima and somehow even Bakugou has a way with a crowd and don’t even get me started on you, I mean seriously Shinsou everyone lo-”

“Hitoshi.”

“Huh?”

“Call me Hitoshi. Or Toshi. Whichever you prefer, but you’re a little too close to me to not call me by my first name now.” You just stare at him for a moment, giving him the chance to continue on. “And relax, (Y/n). You’re literally amazing. And I know you’re humble but trust me, you have one hell of a presence onstage and you’re more talented than the majority of the people here. I’ll help you pick a song; all songs are up for grabs. And luckily UA Idol doesn’t care if you use explicit songs because explicit songs are some of the best ones and I know a few that I think you would fuck with. Calm down, kitten. It’s gonna be okay.”

Jesus. Christ. This man. This man will be the death of you. “Okay?” he asks, placing his hand not holding yours on your shoulder, forcing you to look in his eyes. You just gulp and nod. “Okay… Toshi,” you say, his name felt great coming out of your mouth. He finally grins. “Let’s go, coffee is on me.”

“Wait what? No, it is not.”

“Yes, it is.”

The two of you actually bicker over that the entire way to the coffee shop, and sadly for you, he makes sure he’s the one who pays. You throw some choice words at him before the two of you sit down at a table outside. “Alright, so let’s brainstorm some songs.”

“Alright, well, I think best bet would be popular songs, something a lot of people know and something catchy enough that people can vibe with even if they don’t know it.”

“Mmm, yeah. Good call. Tragic call, but good call,” he says, pulling out his laptop as you pull out his. The two of you pull up your playlists, starting to compare and contrast songs until you both have a list. “Right, so I could sing That’s What You Get by Paramore-”

“Not pop.”

“No, but it is well known. And I could play guitar with it if you really think about it…”

“Tempting. Others?”

“Undrunk by Fletcher, vulgar but a good option.”

“Both true statements.”

“And then there’s My Consequence or Clean by Hey Violet, it’s catchy, but not a lot of people… know… about Hey Violet.”

“That’s true. Their biggest song is technically Guys My Age, so those two are not as well known. These are all really good options though.”

“Thanks. What about you?”

“Well, there’s Riptide by Vance Joy, a classic and I’d get to shred on my ukulele skills.”

“Nice, nice, others?”

“Oh. No, I’m doing Riptide. Safest bet, really. Everyone knows it, I can put my own spin on it, catch me playing a uke. All good things, so let’s decide yours, kitten.”

You roll your eyes at him, shooting back the last of your coffee and looking at your list. Would you prefer to do something like Clean or My Consequence because they tend to be your songwriting vibe? Yes. You would. But not enough people know about it and if you want the crowd to interact with you, you need to pull out the big guns. “I think it’s down to That’s What You Get or Undrunk,” you say, rubbing your chin. Why was this so hard?”

“Okay, so instrument playing or dancing. Because I know you and I know if you do Undrunk you will have a dance routine that goes with your whole performance, so everyone knows you mean business.”

“You’re right. But… I honestly, I don’t know.”

He frowns. He knows this decision is literally eating you alive, and he wants to help. He knows you don’t necessarily want to sing either of the songs you’re choosing between, so he makes the decision for you right then and there. “You’re doing My Consequence.”

“What? I can’t, it’s not known enough.”

“So what? You want a real challenge? Sing a song not everyone knows. You can also definitely put your own spin on that song, play some instruments, come up with an original (Y/n) arrangement, use Mina and me and Denki and literally anyone you need to do the back-up vocals. You can do that. Easy,” he has full confidence in everything he’s saying, and you definitely already thought about doing all of that and had ideas for it in your brain before he even said it. You pause for a moment to consider what he said before glancing up at him. “You really think that’ll work?”

“I don’t think. I know it will.”

You smile at him. He’s right, why were you even trying to talk yourself out of this anyways? “Thanks, Toshi.”

“Any time, kitten. Now what do you say we head back to the hotel and get to work?”

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

True Faith (Part 1.) (Favored Ones, Part 17.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Quote for the chapter: “I feel so extraordinary... Something's got a hold on me.” - Lotte Kestner

Part summary: Many could feel that something’s in the air when Ellie started to drift away from the reality. And the only thing that could save her and put stop to all of these thoughts was you.

A/N: Okay, okay. I know I am going against the cannon game now, because Seatlle happened at the end of March of 2038, but trust me, this slower pace will pay off in the end. And boy, does it feel good to jump back to TLOU fandom.

Warnings: Gore, angst, description of hatred and other mental states.

Word count: 3.2 K

Tagging:   @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​​ @peakymarvels​​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us​ @avery-miller​ @mikah-writes​ @mad-hatter-98​ @sadiaafrin99​ @flavorishy

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

"I've seen what happened down there, sugar." - A voice resonated through the darkness, suddenly. It seemed as if you were somewhere deep underwater. There were this cracking sounds inside of your head, making your ears ache, yet the burden you were feeling in your heart was way worse than that. But the voice was sharp, almost deafening. And sadly, you wouldn't change the voice with anyone else's. It felt nice, but horrifying at the same time to hear her. - "How are you holdin' up, hm? You're still sure you'll outrun me in a race?"

Slowly, you took a breath in, looking around you as you stood there. It was the fucking pottery shop you've been in, the one you've visited her in a thousand times. The one you remembered by your heart. And your heart was sinking low when you saw her... Just sitting there. As if she never actually left you in Jackson alone. She was looking at the machine in front of her, making a mug out of scratch. Just like the last time you've had a proper conversation with the lady. Well... You've spoken at the hospital, but... The pottery shop reminded you of Eve the most.

"Given how your leg looks like, I suppose you ain't be runnin' for quite a long time, honey." - The woman smiled at one of her creations, slowly taking it to her palm as she started to draw another of her flowers on it.

"You're dead, you know that, right?" - You answered in a joking manner. Jesus, they must've given you some darn good drugs for you to reach such a state. No matter if it were the soldiers or Bobby, they did hella good job. - "I've been talking to your tombstone for the last few months." - At that, Eve gave you a nasty grin, tapping the side of her head with her index finger.

"As long as you're aware of it, I know it. You're not so dumb that you'd make out this is real, huh?" - The woman asked you with a light chuckle at the end, leaning her back into the chair. Sure, it was obvious that you're talking to yourself. But your brain didn't want to syke you out, even more, to present you sitting... Somewhere. It could be also Joel or Ellie whom your brain would choose to project... But it was her. - "I thought that. But really, Miller? You, sugar, are surprisin' me even when I'm dead, I tell you that."

"You've caught a few words from Tommy and Joel here and there, but you never spoke like a Texas-born woman." - You answered instead of straight answering the lady. At that, she chuckled, shook her head, and looked at you. She seemed... Different. As if she got younger. She had fewer wrinkles and her eyes were full of life.

"I'm just what you've made of me, you know? This is how you remember me now. So thanks for agein' me down a bit. Also, the accent suits me, huh?" - The woman said. Technically yeah, you said to yourself, but that wasn't the subject of the conversation at the moment. - "That's what you wanted, hm? And I can understand that. Have my wrinkly face on your mind all the time... It would sadden me too." - She joked around, making you sadden at the statement. That was exactly what you wanted to happen. And until that point, it was working. But now, you wanted to remember Eve just the way she was, with all her wrinkles, grins and jokes.  

"Do you realize... That if you wouldn't go on the patrol with Tommy... Then maybe, the man you've fallen in love with would be dead? Most likely?" - Eve leaned her head to her shoulder, sending you a concerned look.

"What good does it bring when I'm most likely dead?" - You asked back immediately. The imagination inside your head chuckled, looking away for a moment. - "If you'd be dead, sugar, we wouldn't be havin' this conversation at all. Dyin', yeah, sure, maybe, but dead? Hell no." - The woman dismissed with a dry chuckle, getting up on her legs to pour herself a glass of water.

"What now?" - Eve asked you, looking out of the window into the void around the pottery shop. For a moment, you were looking at her back, and because she knew you don't know what to say, she started to talk again. - "I mean... These people are there somewhere. Abby and Owen ran away just when your friends showed up. Doesn't that make you worried, honey?" - Her voice was resonating through your ears, there were still these cracking sounds inside your ears. What you've been trying to tell to yourself? Did it make any sense?

"What is your point?" - You asked after a moment of thinking, having the old woman turning to you. Suddenly, her face started to re-shift into someone else as the surroundings changed with it, making you dizzy in the process. Of course, it was Joel's house, and you had to close your eyes instead of looking at the man, falling on the ground right after as you threw up. You were panicking, Abby's face was flashing in front of your eyes accompanied by the manic expression in her face. The whole thing was about Joel, right? So this was what your brain immediately clicks to when you'll see him? Abby and her knife? Jesus Christ, it was a lot take in.

But as soon as the man touched your shoulder, it was like flipping the card around - finding yourself in his embrace as you both were falling asleep just hours before the patrol. But the touch wasn't making you feel good at all. To be honest, your eyes were slowly slipping towards the window as you searched for something in the darkness. It took you a long time to figure out where she was standing, but when you did... She was still standing there, looking into the window. And you were watching her back.

Hell, you couldn't make out what the fuck was that all about, but you've been trapped in a loop, circling between Joel and Abby. And you couldn't tell how long is that going to take. And neither could they.

Meanwhile, in Jackson:

The weather got drastically better after everything went down. At least the blizzards had stopped and the sun was slowly melting the snow everywhere. The Jackson was just going forward, not stopping because of what happened. Why should the whole city stop because of two people? Sure, people were saddened by what happened to you, but it wasn't their business in the slightest. Some animals needed to be taken care of, clothes to be repaired and pottery to be made. Tommy was a prominent figure in the hierarchy of Jackson, but the whole responsibility was put directly on Maria's shoulders.

There was one person whose world had stopped completely. All they did was that they sit at their home all the time, trying to think of a single reason why the fuck would someone do such terrible things to other human beings without having the reason to? Something like a regular sleep schedule? They didn't know what was that? The image of Tommy laying in blood on the ground was still carved inside their brain as they woke up every night with nightmares.

If there was something that needed to be said about Tommy, he was alive. Alive, yet not awaken. There was many possible outcomes for Tommy - he could wake up and have a memory loss. He could wake up and be crippled, whether physically or mentally. Tommy may never have the chance to talk like normal people. And... Bobby was sure that his condition is stable for now, but really, there was also a possibility they overlooked even the smallest crack in his skull. As soon as Joel brought the boy, Bobby started to check his skull, stopping the bleeding - when that was done, she sewed and took care of the wound, moving on to his broken knee and left forearm. And there was the possibility that he has a concussion, internal bleeding, and many other things. The people did a number on him.

And as for Y/N... Holy fuck. Bobby had never seen such screwed up ligaments above the knee. They also needed to tear a few nails off your fingers because the nails completely tore if off from the nail beds. It was pretty disgusting, sure, but Bobby was trying to keep you alive. While no-one was sure if Tommy has internal bleeding, Bobby almost cried with happiness when she was sure you didn't have it - as soon as your nose was put back in place, and it wasn't as swollen as when Dina brought you in, your breathing got into the normal state. Also, your pulse was checking up perfectly, so apart from the reality that your upper thigh muscles were ripped apart.

Sure, most likely, you'll be able to walk normally once again... After some time. But it was obvious that you'll be climbing for a few months at least. But most likely, you were about to be okay.

This was making the person at least a bit calm. But Ellie couldn't help herself - she wasn't falling asleep at night, all she could do was to think about the persons. Who were they? Where did they come from? Sure, she went back to the cabin to look through it, but not even the dead man Dina had shoot had nothing on his. These people were ready to leave at any given time. These weren't some stupid hunters, cannibals, or anyone like that. These people knew what they were doing. But... What did they search for? Why did they need to fuck you up when you were innocent? How did you and Tommy even get into the fucking cabin in the first place? Did they drag you in?

Ellie sat in the cabin for quite some time, on the couch, watching the stain of Tommy's blood, remembering every second of finding her uncle laying there, barely breathing and unconscious. The golf club was thrown on the ground and the window was opened up as someone ran away from the room. Now, it was too late to look for them, which was making Ellie more desperate to find them. The snow was now far gone, they didn't leave anything behind - inside or outside the house.

It didn't matter how much Dina was trying to make Ellie smile again - Ellie was still wearing the same expression, barely talking, looking into the ground as the incident wasn't leaving her head. She was only waiting for you or Tommy to wake up - and as soon as she'd hear who they were, she was ready to sneak out and come for each of them. It was inside her every time the opened the door to her house. As soon as she unlocked it, the image of Tommy laying in his blood just flashed in front of her eyes, making her panic for a second. Usually, she sat down on her bed, put a hand on her chest, and tried to breathe deeply. Soon enough, she stopped crying every time she saw Tommy on the ground.

The rage which has gotten into her once she was you fucked up on the chair as you frantically mumbled something to Jesse hadn't left her for a single second. It was making her sick from her stomach, hopeless and... She felt hatred for everything around her. Once, someone had a dumb comment regarding her and Dina, and even though she didn't say a word to the person, she threw her plate on the ground, walking straight to them. Maria, thanks to God, has stopped Ellie in the last second, catching her and dragging her away.

Not even Joel wasn't able to make her talk, no matter how hard the man tried to get at least a word out of her. Sure, she was now spending time at his place a lot, because what happened was a family catastrophe and they both needed to carry the other one through what happened. But she never spoke to him.

Yet, there were moments when Ellie spoke to someone. The problem was that you couldn't answer her. She wasn't exactly speaking anyway. She brought her guitar with her, the one which was in Joel's bedroom, singing to you while they waited for you to wake up. Sometimes, she sang you Take On Me, and other times, she pulled out Johnny Cash, since Joel told her that these are your favorites. Sure, she was a was perfectly aware that singing won't help you recover sooner, but it was probable that it will make you at least feel better.

Her fingers were picking the strings lazily as she proceeded to play the slow melody which was reflecting everything going on inside of her at the moment. Ellie didn't know that Dina was standing behind the door the whole time, but it relieved her girlfriend when she heard Ellie singing. Yet no matter how relieved she felt, she didn't dare to interrupt the moment happening in the room. It took Ellie another twenty minutes to finish the small concert for one person before she put the guitar down, looking at you sleeping on the bed. At that, Dina finally entered the room to change the artificial nutrition hanging next to your bed, sending Ellie one shy smile.

"You've been listening behind the door, weren't you?" - The redhaired girl asked quietly, shifting her focus from you to Dina. Her girlfriend just smiled but didn't give a straightaway answer right away.

"You are a good a singer, what can I say, baby?" - Dina whispered, making sure that everything's in check. It was a week and a half and you were still sleeping. Sure, you'd most likely be awakened by that time, but Bobby decided to keep you under the medicaments for some time - at least before your hands get in check somehow and until you wouldn't tear your muscles of your knee when you'd stand up. There was a wheelchair prepared for you, but with the amount of pus leaving the wound every morning, Bobby didn't want to rush any of it. You've been through pain and a severe shock. You needed some rest.

Of course, the medics in Jackson knew that they can't let you sleep for too long but at that point, you were still fine. That was the last thing that made Ellie still standing and being contained because she knew you'd wish so. The girl almost freaked out when Dina put her elbows around her neck, kissing the small sweet spot below her ear as both the girls watched you.

"What is going on inside your head, baby?" - Dina whispered after a small while, as she sat on your bed. While Ellie's eyes were pinned on your face, she could at least tell it is you at that time, Dina was smoothing the small strands hair off Ellie's face.

"You know what's going on in there." - Ellie muttered out, quickly flashing her look at the black-haired woman. These two were very much in love and if the incident wouldn't happen, their relationship would be most likely blossoming at the moment. But there were different thoughts inside of Ellie's head. The hatred she felt was immersive - it was almost as painful as on the day she got to know Joel had kidnapped her from the hospital and killed Marlene to protect his baby girl.

How could the man be so calm about the whole situation? It seemed that having his brother almost paralyzed and his girlfriend almost dad didn't move a single thing inside of him. At least that was what Ellie thought. Of course, he was in deep grief and an immerse state of anger, but there was nothing to do at the moment. Who would he be hunting down? Who were they? Where did they come from? Will they come back? Joel knew better than letting the anger flash out just like that. And more importantly, he knew that if you wouldn't ish to speak of them or tell him specifically to hunt them down, he won't be going on a killing spree just like that. He had a family to protect now and a future to go towards...  Yet Ellie was just nineteen-year-old kiddo, in the end, she didn't know better.

"Ellie... I'm not sure I want you to fuck around with these people. You hear me?" - Dina asked quietly, catching Ellie's palm in her hand. At that, Ellie left out a small chuckle, shaking her head.

"This isn't a thing you're deciding about. This is my own decision to make." - Sadly, Ellie was right. And Dina knew that. Even Maria, Tommy, and Joel knew that - if Ellie had decided to avenge you, there was no way they could stop her in her quest. Only you had the power do put a stop on that, and even about that, Dina wasn't sure entirely. The only way to stop Ellie was to make sure you won't tell her about the people once you or Tommy wake up... But there was this high probability of Tommy starting a witch hunt by himself because he was a hell of a proud man.

"And is it yours to make? Ellie, what if she wakes up and tells you she doesn't want to go after the people? What if Tommy wakes up and tells you he doesn't want you to go?" - The black-haired girl scoffed ironically, rolling her eyes at her girlfriend's pride. - "You don't know the first shit about these people. What are you even planning on doing?" - Dina asked quietly. She was glad that she hears Ellie talking after those few weeks, but at the moment she wasn't so sure if it was making her feel good to hear Ellie talk about what she had inside. This behavior was selfish, hasty, and suicidal. The only thing Ellie was about to archive was getting herself killed... And Dina knew that. Ellie did too, somewhere deep inside. Yet her ego and pride when it came to these things was... Huge.

"I'm gonna find... And I'm gonna kill... Every last one of them." - Ellie whispered, her eyelid twitching with anger. Slowly, she breathed out, closing her eyes. Dina watched the girl slowly pumping her palm open and close tight for a moment before Ellie gathered enough calmness to speak. - "And you can't stop it, no matter how hard you'll try, Dina. Joel can't, Maria can't... No-one can't. I'm not gonna let these fuckers get away with this." - It hurt Dina more than just some slap, knowing Ellie is already sure that no matter what, she'll get the justice she desired for you. Dina just closed her eyes for a moment before getting up to walk around the room, catching some breath.

"If you're going, I'm going." - Dina demanded silently, covering a good portion of her lips with her palms. - "But promise me that wed go only if she wishes us to go. If she tells you to stay put, you will." - Dina begged silently, knowing Ellie will find them on her own if she'd have to. But the false promise Ellie made with a silent nod calmed Dina down. It was just for a moment, but it did help somehow.

[jcolden]

     ❝𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖞 𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖎𝖘 𝖞𝖔𝖚❞

                  – – a Julian Colden playlist.

1. “What It Means To Be Alone” The Dear Hunter

Oh, you were born with the sun And oh, you will die with the moon And everything you thought you had you lost But now you'd never lose what you don't have

Prayers from above Never answered quite enough Looking up Never offered you too much Now the only one you have is you

2. “If G-D Don’t Follow Me (Down This Road)” Trubdr. Adam Road, Danielle Parente

If God don't follow me down this road If God don't follow me down this road

When you try to live You want to die When everything you feel collides God don't follow me Down this road Down this road

3. “Hellfire” Barns Courtney

Run in an alleyway through a dead end street Murdering promises that I just can't keep We could sing pretty melodies On the unmade bed Slow-dancing to a silhouette Cause I ain't dead yet

Ain't no chariots of fire come to take me home I'm lost in the woods and I wander on

Hellfire, hellfire, take my soul I'm waiting, waiting, I'm ready to go Yeah, mothers, children, lock your doors I'm waiting I'm ready to go

4. “Bible Belt” Dry The River

You say "My love, you take the cards that you're dealt ‘Cause there's no guiding light arching a line to Bethlehem If it's dark outside, you light the fire yourself."

Darling, when the ice caps melt When the devil's in the bible belt Don't cower in your bed

I'll be on the 545 You can meet me at the railway line And don't look so scared

‘Cause we've been through worse than this before we could talk The trick of it is don't be afraid anymore Oh, the trick of it is don’t be afraid anymore

5. “Lord Have Mercy” Empires

I think I see things some other way I think I've marched as an angel into the devil's cage I wanna fuck up society and piss in its grave I wanna love somebody in a selfless way

It's time for the end and beginning to meet Time for what I lost to come back to me I wanna challenge my death by coming back to life I'm gonna do it all over, gonna make things right

Lord have mercy Lord have mercy Lord have mercy On me

6. “Grip” Seeb, Bastille

We got drunk on this unholy wine To deliver us from our own minds The promise of a better time 'Til we’re feeling barely human

We don’t know what’s good for us 'Cause if we did, we might not do it Who knows where our limits lie? We won’t discover ‘til we push it

'Cause the devil's got my arms And it pulls me back into the night And I should just walk away, away But it grips me 'Cause the devil's got my arms And it pulls me back into the night 'Cause the devil's got my arms And it pulls me back into the night

I would rather forget and wash my memory clean Oh, I would rather forget and wash my memory clean I would rather forget (would rather forget) Wash my memory clean Oh, I would rather forget And wash my memory clean

7. “That’s What Heaven Feels Like” The Dirty Nil

I'm a million impulse decisions tonight Back in the city, howling, but I won't bite Bored of a certain safety Got me a death wish, baby

No, I don't believe in the long romance No, no, no Crash, leave a flaming vapor trail and Maybe one slow dance 'Cause you wouldn't know how it feels Under the tread of your wheels

Caught up like a canine Howling in your headlights Rolling through the windshield That's what heaven feels like

8. “Arsonist’s Lullabye” Hozier

When I was sixteen, my senses fooled me Thought gasoline was on my clothes I knew that something would always rule me I knew this scent was mine alone

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons Always keep them on a leash

When I was a man, I thought it ended When I knew love's perfect ache But my peace has always depended On all the ashes in my wake

9. “Let Me In” Snowmine

If you could you keep it together For a moment in time Then you'd see that I'd be Your excuse for a lover Your own mountain to climb You would see

I left my shoes under your bed But I left my body outside How did I get back into this mess? I kept telling myself the temptations would do me in And they did

10. “Heaven Help Us” My Chemical Romance

And will you pray for me? Or make a saint of me? And will you lay for me? Or make a saint of…

'Cause I'll give you all the nails you need Cover me in gasoline Wipe away those tears of blood again And the punchline to the joke is asking Someone save us

Heaven help us now Come crashing down And hear the sound As you fall

You don’t know a thing about my sins How the misery begins You don’t know So I’m burning, I’m burning I’m burning I’m burning again

11. “Strength Of The World” Avenged Sevenfold

Avenge the dead Killed all who crossed me in my path Suicidal I never planned on coming back I want it, I need it Revenge is dripping from my teeth Need nothing to feel power And bring the killers to their knees Nothing to lose, vengeance to gain (You know I’ll never be the same) So taste my breath, I'm close behind you (So desperate on your final day) Sorrow swallows my screams

Strength of the world is on my shoulders Strength of the world is on my side Strength of the world The one true beholder Ice in my veins for those who'll die

I've seen my family fade away You've taken my whole life There's nothing left to say

12. “We Are Nowhere And It’s Now” Bright Eyes

If you hate the taste of wine Why do you drink it 'till you're blind? And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares How come you say it like you're right? Why are you scared to dream of God When it's salvation that you want? You see stars that clear have been dead for years But the idea just lives on

I got no plans and too much time I feel too restless to unwind I'm always lost in thought As I walk a block To my favorite neon sign

I've been sleeping so strange at night Side-effects they don't advertise I've been sleeping so strange With a head full of pesticide

13. “Pain” Bilmuri

They abandon me 'Cause I'm not like them They hold me down And tell me what I am

I feel the death inside this place surround me I know that you will live only near to me

I feel the pain inside my lungs When you take away the ones that I love And I feel the pain with so few to trust When they fall away and say I'm not enough

When I have nothing, you're always with me, with me When I have nothing, I need you here, next to me Next to me

14. “The Brothel” Susanne Sundfør

Love I laid in payment Stars were stains in heaven and afterglow Beneath the ashes of echoes buried alive They are howling through hollows Once we share their temples Now our heads are hung up on walls

We are ruins within ruins On every corner a gladiator is begging for another century When no one cut your tongue To know nothing and to know it all To be both the animal and God

You cover your eyes You cover your mouth You cover your ears Still you follow my trail I’ll do all I’ll do whatever you say God has left me anyway

There are echoes in the garden Is anybody listening? There are echoes lost in the garden Is anybody listening? They whisper The ones who are only living Are the ones who are only dying

15. “Last Night I Watched Myself Sleep And I Saw Things That I Wish I Could Forget” Aurora View

A loss of breath, a pinch awake A melancholy kind of pain Hold out your tongue, let in the rain Keeping your eyes closed keeps you sane

What can you say when all of the words and all of the pain It won’t go away And you do, you do When nothing comes through I’m going insane I’m losing my faith

Feels abused and sedated It’s pulling me out of my skin But as I sway my intentions Despite misdirections Lead me back to where I begin

If I cut out my eyes What would I leave behind When monsters are all that I see? Cause I feel so alone And I hate to admit that I wish you away in my dreams

16. “Jesus Christ” Brand New

Well, Jesus Christ, I’m alone again So what did you do those three days you were dead? ‘Cause this problem’s gonna last more than the weekend Well, Jesus Christ, I’m not scared to die I’m a little bit scared of what comes after Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling?

Do I divide and pull apart? ‘Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark And this ship went down in sight of land And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?

I know you come in the night like a thief But I’ve had some time, o Lord, to hone my lying technique I know you think that I’m someone you can trust But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up So do you think that we could work out a sign So I’ll know it’s you and that it’s over so I won’t even try I know you’re coming for the people like me But we all got wood and nails We turn, turn out hate in factories Yeah, we all got wood and nails We turn, turn out hate in factories Yeah, we all got wood and nails And we sleep inside of this machine

17. “Magnolia” Gang Of Youths

Still honking those horns, yeah, just drive around ‘Cause you’re all being ignored Deadpan and bright As I flip you the bird, I’m a pain in the ass Yeah, I’m a real piece of work Just waving my arms like some terrible mime And shaking my ass ‘till they kiss it goodbye Just show me the right things That I didn’t do Oh, enlighten me now With impossible love from the former you

Just tell everyone I know what I did, I did for us, and in haste ‘Cause I’m terrified of dying in vain

There’s no way tonight As far as I know That heaven will take me So I’m staggering home Wretched and wild All glory and trash Yeah, I’m drunk, but I’m ready To kick some fucking ass

No way tonight As far as I know That heaven will take me So I'm staggering home Fire of my loins, oh, light of my life We’re vastly outnumbered Every motherfucking time

[hemmingsmendess]

My Oh My- j.m.

Joe Mazzello x fem!reader

Joe catches you dancing to one of your favorite songs

Warnings: oral sex(f receiving), vaginal sex, cursing 

Word count: 1,326 

Rating: M(18+) 

Reader is depicted as 19/20 years old

I was listening to My oh My by Camila Cabello and this came to mind. Hope you all like it!

You groaned as you turned your body to face Joe’s side of the bed. A wave of disappointment washed over you as you looked at the empty spot. You slowly made your way out of bed and walked out towards the living room, not bothering to get dressed. The house was completely silent, making it clear that Joe was out. A sigh escaped your lips at the thought of some quiet time. You loved him to death, but he was obnoxiously loud. A smile spread across your face as you saw the steaming cup of coffee that your boyfriend had prepared for you. 

“Alexa, shuffle the playlist ‘my favorite songs’ on apple music”. The beginning of Kiwi by Harry Styles blared through the speakers as you headed towards the fridge. You moved around the kitchen and looked for everything you would need to make some eggs. 

“I’m having your baby, it’s none of your business!” you shouted at the top of your lungs, cracking the egg on the side of the pan. 

It didn’t take long before you were done with your breakfast and just jamming to the songs that blared from the speakers. You had been dancing around the living room for half an hour before the familiar notes of Camila Cabello’s “My Oh My” played. You ran to the radio to turn the volume up a little louder. This song was one of your favorite songs to dance to.

“They say he likes a good time, my oh my. He comes alive at midnight, everynight” you began shaking your hips along to the beat. “My mama doesn’t trust him, my oh my. He’s only here for one thing, but so am I.” 

This song made you think of Joe for a couple reasons. You weren’t shy to admit that he was about twice your age, a fact that your family was not pleased with when you brought him to meet them for the first time. 

You had been dating for about two months when your mother brought up the idea of having him over for dinner so your family could meet him. A wide smile was plastered to your face as you invited Joe over for dinner that night. 

Your mother had prepared a nice meal in anticipation of meeting the man you never shut up about. She let out a small shriek of excitement when the doorbell rang, signalling that you two had arrived. 

“Honey! Come here!” your father shouted as he opened the door to find you and Joe standing on the front porch, hand in hand. 

“Joe! It’s so-” your mother stopped mid-sentence as she saw you, her smile faltered for a moment. 

“Y/n, can I speak to you alone for a moment?” she asked as she grabbed your wrist and dragged you inside. “Honey! He’s twice your age! What are you doing with him?” 

“I love him, and he loves me.” 

“He’s only with you for one thing.”

“A little bit older, black leather jacket.” you sang out, not noticing the sound of the front door opening. Joe walked through the door and smirked at the sight he was met with. You were standing in the middle of the living room and shaking your ass, he thanked whatever beings were out there that you had just stayed in your bra and panties. 

“I swear on my life that I’ve been a good girl! Tonight I don’t wanna be her!” You jumped as you spun around and saw your boyfriend standing by the door, a smirk plastered to his face. 

“Don’t stop on my account, I’m fine just watching.” he said as he set the beg down on the table, walking over to you and grabbing your hips. You gasped as he pulled you closer to himself, his bulge digging into your lower stomach. Within a minute he had you pinned up against the wall, a knee spreading your legs apart. A moan tore past your lips as he pushed his leg up, creating a delicious friction on your core. 

“F-fuck.” Joe leaned down to press a searing kiss to lips, pressing you harder into the wall. 

“Joe, I need you, now.” you whined out as he moved down to suck on your neck. You hastily undid the buttons of his shirt and tore it from his body.

“What do you need, baby?” you let out a whine at his words, leading him to suck harder on your skin. “Do you want my mouth? Or do you want me to fuck that pretty pussy of yours?” 

“M-mouth, please.” you looked up at Joe with pleading eyes before he sank down to his knees. 

“Your panties are soaked, babygirl.” he cooed as he brushed a finger over the damp material. Another moan tore from your chest as he brushed the panties to the side, exposing your pussy. Joe decided to tease you a little, pausing to place kisses on your inner thighs, taking an excruciatingly long time to make his way to your core. He must have read your mind, because just as you were ready to beg him to move along with it, he placed a kiss right over your clit. Your hips bucked into his face as he licked a strip up your slit, dipping his tongue between your folds for a second. 

“Fuck!” you screamed out as Joe continued his assault on your pussy. He switched between licking along your slit and sucking your throbbing clit into his mouth. 

“I-i’m gonna cum.” Joe removed his mouth from you as soon as the words past your lips. “Mo! No, please!” 

“Don’t worry baby, you’ll get to cum. I just wanna fuck that pretty pussy and make you cum around my cock.” you didn’t have time to reply before he was standing up and removing his jeans.

“You ready?” he asked as he reached down to line himself up at your entrance. You nodded your head and let out a whimper as he began to slide inside of you. 

“God, you’re always so tight for me.” Joe grunted as he bottomed out. 

“Move, please.” there was no hesitation as Joe pulled his hips back and slammed into you. You let out a gasp at the feeling of him stretching you. No matter how many times he fucked you, you would never get used to his size. 

You brought your lower lip between your teeth at a well angled thrust, your eyes fluttering closed at the sensations. 

“Joey.” you whined out as he finally found your g-spot. Joe pressed a kiss to your lips and angled himself so every thrust would hit that spot inside you. He quickly pressed his tongue between your lips, almost devouring you with how passionate his kiss was. “Fuck, I’m close.” your back arched as you felt the coil in your lower stomach tighten. 

“Me too, baby. Come on, cum for me.” your vision blurred out for a second at how intense your orgasm was. You whined out as Joe continued hso movements.

“Don’t worry baby, fuck, I’m so close.” Joe grunted as you clenched your walls around him. “Where do you want my cum?” Without any hesitation you replied.

“In me, cum inside me please.” Joe let out a shout at your words, the thought of cumming inside you being enough to send him over the edge. A whimper escaped as you felt the warmth of his cum filling you. 

“Jesus Christ.” Joe panted out, grabbing your ass and carrying you to his bed. As soon as you made it through the doorway, Joe laid you down on the bed and went off to grab a wet towel. 

“You were so good for me, baby.” he praised as he wiped away the mess between your legs. 

“I love you so much.” you whispered to him as he laid down beside you and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. 

“I love you too, Y/n.”

[joeycupcakerichter]

A letter he'll never read.

This is just going to be a incoherent mess of thoughts that I need to get out of my skull because otherwise they're going to drown me. so I'm gonna throw it under a read more and post it here so the thought can be out of my head and I can go back and reread whenever I start to feel like I'm losing control again.

Dear [him]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I've probably seemed obsessive and weird and I wish I could stop but I think writing this down, explaining it even though I know you'll never read it will help me process the feelings and move on.

I'm sorry it had to be you. I'm sorry that you were the one that caught me on a bad day and made me smile. I read too much into it. If I've ever made you uncomfortable in anyway, I'm so deeply sorry. There's some things that I think you need to understand about me that I think will help the two of us make sense of this and move forward.

My marriage was one built on trauma and distress. I was married to a man that loved the idea of me, not the person I truly was. He spent six years trying to shove me into a box that I didn't fit into, trying to make me into the girl he always wanted when he simply was not. It may sound ungrateful to say, but I was drowning in his attention but you have to understand that this was not the kind of attention anyone deserves. It was manipulative, it was guilt tripping, it was toxic in every sense of the word. He hated the things I loved and if he didn't start off initially hating them, he would quickly begin to hate them because they were associated with me. I know you're probably wondering what that has to with you and I promise I'm getting to it

The earliest date I have to tell you when this started was February 4, 2019. Yeah, you heard me right, two fucking years of this nightmare coping mechanism that you didn't ask to be a part of. February 4th was the day I created a playlist on Spotify because I was going to go to the gym. The first song on that playlist was Rev 22:20 by Puscifer because that's the song that every time I hear it, I think of you. The beginning of the song is enough to explain what I was feeling in that time.

Don't be aroused by my confession Unless you don't give a good goddamn about redemption I know Christ is comin', and so am I And you would too if this sexy devil caught your eye

I wanted you so badly. You represented everything that my current relationship lacked. You would give me attention, but only if I earned it. I was married at the time, so confessing my attraction to you would be something that you would have to not care if it sent you to hell. It was stupid, and I kept my mouth shut about it. I wasn't about to have an affair with you. I know I was already emotionally cheating on my husband, but I was not going to take the next step. I would just cling to this concoction of you I'd made in my head to cope with the misery that I was forcing myself to live with. It wasn't healthy and it DEFINITELY wasn't fair to you. You didn't ask to have someone develop an infatuation with you that you didn't want. I did my best to be cool and remember who the fuck I was but I know you knew. I deluded myself into thinking that you were interested, even if you couldn't pursue it. I think that made it worse.

Your trip and the jokes we made about it truly cemented this stupid ass infatuation into my brain. The thought of running away from my life with you haunted my dreams. In fact, there was one dream that I had that I still distinctly remember that plays in my head on repeat every now and then. We were at a party, you pulled me into the pantry and we were talking and you looked at me, confused, and said, "You know I like you, right?" I woke up immediately after, confused and with my heart pounding. This came shortly after you told me that your friend had backed out of the trip and you had an extra ticket, if I just got my passport. I didn't, of course, but I remember you telling me that I could sit next to you on the plane and rub your back as you puked into your airplane bag because you were afraid to fly.

I'm terrified that I sound insane and creepy and unsettling. I KNOW you were just kidding around but it was something I could cling to. It kept me alive when I was laying in bed staring out of my window wishing I had to courage to just jump. That was a lot to put on you but I comforted myself by reminding myself that you would never know. I would never ever cross the line of telling you how much that stupid little joke meant to me. You'll probably never know this, but you saved my life. And for that I can only thank you.

I'll never forget when you left, either.

I channeled the confusing feeling of loss and pain into a story that I'm still incredibly proud of. I won't bore you (or creep you out) with details, but you left two months after your trip and I did nothing but write. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote that pain away until I couldn't feel it anymore. It was gone. I fixed it all. I was fine. I barely thought about you. That initial hyperfixation was gone. You were gone.

Until you weren't.

A mutual friend told me that you were coming back and I thought my heart was going to erupt. That was when I stopped writing my story because I didn't need it anymore. You were coming back. I tried to remain casual, but that December when you were finally back, I could've wept with joy. It was sad, it was pathetic but you were back and everything was going to be fine. I had my coping mechanism back. We both know I can't help but look at you when you're near by. Even just a glimpse could make me smile. You were so soothing to me. You still are. It's illogical and it doesn't make sense, but whenever I talk to you, or even just see you I am simultaneously relieved and set on edge. I have to watch myself. I don't want you to know this creepy stalker narrative I'd unintentionally crafted. It wasn't even stalkery.

I didn't cross lines, I just wanted to talk to you, be around you somewhere that was an even playing field. I've only texted you when I absolutely had to. I couldn't bring myself to bother you. I put you up on a pedestal and didn't ask you for anything more. I wanted more, I craved that sweet validation but I wouldn't cross that line. We were work friends, if you could even call it that. We were coworkers that sat together on break all the time. Sometimes I would feel like maybe you could be interested but I would always reminded myself that just because I wanted you to be, didn't mean you were. I constantly kept myself in check. I barely even mentioned you to my friends and even when I did, you were the mediocre white guy at work. Hell, I still refer to you as that because I need to keep myself in check. You are not the end all be all of men. Believe me, I would let myself believe that if I didn't keep myself in check.

When the pandemic hit, you were gone again. I thought it was forever this time and I decided it would be okay. It had to be okay. I wasn't going back to work if you weren't going to be there and by all logic, you shouldn't have been. You were the reason I didn't hate my job. I liked talking to you for fifteen minutes at a time that much. It's silly, but it made everything better. I didn't need to date you. I didn't need to sleep with you. I just wanted you to be my friend and you had been. I thought that chapter was closed.

And then my husband left me. And I found out you were back again. Despite everything I'd figured, that you wouldn't go back for a third time, that you wouldn't even be able to, another mutual friend mentioned that you were back. And I was ready to run back into that hellhole's hateful arms to have you close and as my friend again. I couldn't talk to you outside of work, I didn't know what to say. I was scared it was going to come out wrong because things were different now. I was different now. I wasn't going to be married for much longer. I let myself stray into thinking maybe now could be different.

You gave my husband an instrument to fix and he left it and me here so I figured I could give it back to you, at the very least. I was gonna shoot my shot. "of course I remember you". Now I'm not sure if that was as flattering as I initially took it but you forgot and I cried. But I left you alone. If you had any of the same feelings I had, you wouldn't have. It was okay. You didn't have to match my energy. Mine was out of control and emotional, coming only a week after my husband left the state. I was a train wreck and I'm glad now that you didn't come pick it up. I would've embarrassed myself. I would've tried to tell you all of this to your face and it would've been a mess. It wasn't fair to you. It wasn't fair to me. I was in mourning, I was in shock. Just like most of the people I knew, you probably wouldn't have known what to say. What do you say to a woman who had been abandoned so easily and quickly? Awkward pity in my experience with people who weren't you. But I told you. You knew. That's all I wanted.

And now, I'm terrified that I'm becoming FAR too obvious. I wasn't subtle before, but I KNOW I'm not subtle now. I'm terrified of making you uncomfortable, or even worse, acting like Mandee. Becoming so overbearing and not picking up on vital social cues that would tell me that you didn't want me around. Every now and then, I'll forego sitting outside to sit with you but I won't do it every break. I don't want to seem like I won't leave you alone. I don't want to seem like a crazy woman who's obsessed with you. Maybe I still am, despite my best intentions, but I try so hard not to be. You don't owe me ANYTHING. And sometimes I get the vibes that I need to leave you alone so I do. And I resign myself to the fact that I ruined it because I couldn't keep my shit together.

My standards are so low right now, that you can talk to me first and I feel like maybe we could still be friends. Not a damn thing more than that. I can't stress that enough. Despite everything I've written here, it's not like I want you to sweep me off my feet and save me from everything. I just.... I want to be your friend. I want to actually know you other than anecdotal conversations.

I don't know how to finish this. It's pathetic, its cathartic and I just needed to get it out of me. I'm so tired of keeping it in and while I won't tell you, just writing it down helps. So thank you. Thank you for everything you don't know you've done for me. I'm sorry I let it go this far and get this... weird. Thank you again.

[kaserl]

a general terror playlist, adapted from my even longer personal one! this is a mess of genres musically, but it is in chronological order! tracklist and associated scenes/lyrics below the cut (some songs fit completely, for others only the lyrics I listed are really relevant). thanks to @dedraconesilet for helping me place some of these and screaming with me about the terror! Restless- Cold War Kids (Discovery Service|now you’re wired and you’re tired/there is never a break/you only come alive at the thrill of the chase/no, we can’t help it/we’re always restless/we already know the ending) Ends of the Earth-Lord Huron (leaving Greenhithe|out there’s a land that time don’t command/wanna be the first to arrive//to the ends of the earth would you follow me?/there’s a world that was meant for our eyes to see//maybe I’m headin’ to die but I’m still gonna try/I guess I’m goin’ alone) Into the Wild- Lewis Watson (last sighting in Baffin Bay|and we take another step into the truly unknown/don’t know why but it’s somewhere that we have to go/and it’s dangerously wonderful/so come on, come on, come on, come on/step out into the wild) Boat Song- Woodkid (sailing through Peel Sound|can we keep our bearing straight/or will we be blown off course/are we instruments of fate?/do we really have a choice?) Jesus Christ- Brand New (“will I fly? up to God?”|and I will die all alone/and when I arrive I won’t know anyone/well, Jesus Christ, I’m not scared to die/I’m a little bit scared of what comes after) We Are- Peter Bradley Adams (parties set out to look for leads|we wait for our luck to change/and hope to come//we just watch the seasons change/and wait for the storm to break/and the land to come) North- Sleeping At Last (“the western team must be nearly home now”|we will call this place our home//let the years we’re here be kind, be kind/let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide) Make a Shadow- Meg Myers (“funny to think of this place as home, isn’t it?”|don’t tell me this is home) Waves- Dean Lewis (the reindeer|I watched my wild youth disappear in front of my eyes/moments of magic and wonder/it seems so hard to find/is it ever coming back again//take me back to the feeling when/everything was left to find) Can’t Stop Time- Goodnight Neverland (“we’ve seen worse than this, you and me”|you can’t stop time/we’re getting older so you close your eyes/regretting everything you left behind) Spirit Cold- Tall Heights (Crozier standing alone between Terror and Erebus|how do I wake my spirit cold?/we always say when our history’s told/if only we knew the things we know/there’s a question ages old) I Of the Storm- Of Monsters and Men (“there’s a spare captain on Erebus”|are you really going to need me/when I’m gone/I fear you won’t/I fear you don’t) Hate on Fire- Ben Hazelwood (Gibson ends things with Hickey|I won’t follow you down this road/yeah, we both know just where it goes) Heavy Hangs the Crown- Samantha Farrell (“I’ve never wanted anything as little as I want this now”|you don’t know a thing/about the trouble that I’m in/fall without a sound/heavy hangs the crown) Holocene- Bon Iver (“do you not feel what has happened?”|and at once I knew I was not magnificent/strayed above the highway aisle/(jagged vacance, thick with ice)/I could see for miles, miles, miles) The Breaking Light- Vienna Teng (Ross in the admiralty scene|let your lion heart cleave the waves/brother you will return//so listen to the darkness, listen to the patterns/listen to the breathing sea/listen to the colors, carry them inside you/they will bring you back to me) Storm Song- PHILDEL (Lady Jane organizing her own rescue|even though the landscape stretches like a hard day/even though the old man says I have a fool’s plan/oh, despite the distance, you will see my footprints/I will raise my flagpole, I will turn these tables ‘round/I’ll send a storm to capture your heart and bring you home) Metal & Dust- London Grammar (“Miss Cracroft, who rejected you?”|and so, you built a life on trust/though it starts, with love and lust/and when your house, begins to rust/oh, it’s just, metal and dust/we argue, we don’t fight) Lover/Soldier- Washington (“I have no intention of becoming a captain’s wife”|lover, you’re a soldier, you’re a long, long way from home/a long way from your mother, and you do it on our own/I don’t belong to you, and you don’t belong to me/I don’t think we need to, ‘cause it’s just so easy) That’s Okay- The Hush Sound (“with me you’ve never hesitated to be plain”|you are broken and callow/cautious and safe/you are boundless and beauty/with fright in your face/until someone loves you/I’ll keep you safe/but like them, I will give you away) I Am Not Yours- Z. Randall Stroope (Crozier pining over Sophia|I am not yours, not lost in you/although I long to be//you love me, and I find you still/a spirit beautiful and bright) Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap (“much to do on Terror is all, sir”|where are we? what the hell is going on?/the dust has only just begun to fall/crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling/spin me ‘round again and rub my eyes/this can’t be happening) The Hunger in Your Haunt- Crywolf (Hickey gives Gibson Young’s ring|where are all the things that you have toiled all your life for?/was it me you wanted when you said you/wanted something more than what you knew?) I’ll Be Good- Jaymes Young (Crozier decides to stop drinking|my past has tasted bitter for years now/so I wield an iron fist/grace is just weakness/or so I’ve been told/I’ve been cold, I’ve been merciless/but the blood on my hands scares me to death/maybe I’m waking up today) I Will Try-Deaf Havana (Crozier’s intervention|and I will try my best to find a smile/and I will close my eyes and say I’m not afraid/and it’s time that I was clear of all the negativity that I hold so dear/I lost my sight for far too long to take my mind off all my fears/but I found my way again) Look After You- The Fray (“you needn’t worry for a thing, sir”|I’ll look after you/it’s always have and never hold/you’ve begun to feel like home) Trout Heart Replica- Amanda Palmer (Goodsir feeding Jacko from the tins|and killing things is not so hard/it’s hurting that’s the hardest part/and when the wizard gets to me/I’m asking for a smaller heart/and if he tells me “no”/I’ll hold my breath until I hit the floor/eventually I know I’m doomed to get what I am asking for) Give Me A Sign-Breaking Benjamin (Crozier in withdrawal|I’ll keep you alive/if you show me the way/forever–and ever/the scars will remain/I’m falling apart/leave me here forever in the dark/God help me I’ve come undone/out of the light of the sun) Keep Breathing- Ingrid Michaelson (Crozier on the upswing|but all that I know is I’m breathing/all I can do is keep breathing/all we can do is keep breathing now) Organs- Of Monsters and Men (Silna trying to take her father’s place|I should not care but I don’t know how/so I take off my face/because it reminds me how it all went wrong/and I pull out my tongue/because it reminds me how it all went wrong) Bleachless- Elizabeth Grace (Goodsir looking at Jacko’s body|‘cause when your life’s on the table/then there’s not much left to hide/begging for contagion/these hospitals won’t save us/and when these toxins leave us/it’s sad when we’ll be bleachless/'cause all you have to say/is that it’s gonna get better/it’s gonna get better/but it never does) Comes and Goes (In Waves)- Greg Laswell (Crozier’s speech at Carnivale|this one’s for the lonely, the ones that seek and find/only to be let down time after time/this one’s for the torn down, the experts at the fall/come on friends, get up now, you’re not alone at all) Runaway- The National (Stanley’s suicide|there’s no saving anything/how we swallow the sun/but I won’t be no runaway/'cause I won’t run//we got another thing coming undone/and it’s taking us over/ we don’t bleed when we don’t fight) Forest Fire- Brighton (fire|I keep imagining those flames that did rise/and blackened up the sky/the light that showed you barefoot in the snow/and then the fire started building up inside/exploding blinding lights/now I’m the one left screaming through the night//I’m gonna carry your bones/I’m gonna carry them all/I’m gonna carry you home) Stay Alive- José González (the dawn after Carnivale|I will stay with you tonight/hold you close 'til the morning light/in the morning watch a new day rise/we’ll do whatever just to stay alive) We Are Broken- Paramore (“these men need names yet”|'cause we are broken/what must we do to restore/our innocence/and oh, the promise we adored/give us life again/'cause we just wanna be whole) The Ice Is Getting Thinner- Death Cab for Cutie (abandoning ship|we’re not the same, dear, as we used to be/the seasons have changed and so have we/there was little we could say, and even less that we could do/to stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you) Sleeping Sickness- City And Colour (“horrible from supper”|someone come and, someone come and save my life/maybe I’ll sleep when I am dead/but now it’s like the night is taking sides/with all the worries that occupy the back of my mind/could it be this misery will suffice?) Disarm- The Civil Wars (Hickey realizes something’s wrong with the tinned food|the killer in me is the killer in you/send this smile over to you) Follow You- Bring Me the Horizon (Crozier helping Fitzjames up the ice|my head is haunting me and my heart feels like a ghost/I need to feel something, cause I’m still so far from home//so you can drag me through Hell/if it meant I could hold your hand) People Help the People- Birdy (more hand-holding|people help the people/and if you’re homesick/give me your hand and I’ll hold it) Medicine- Daughter (Morfin’s death|pick it up, pick it all up/and start again/you’ve got a second chance/you could go home/escape it all/it’s just irrelevant/it’s just medicine) This Woman’s Work- Greg Laswell (Goodsir’s panic attack|I know you have a little life in you yet/I know you have a lot of strength left/I should be crying, but I just can’t let it show/I should be hoping but I can’t stop thinking) Calm My Soul- Paper Route (Irving’s death|I’ve seen too much this year/I long for it to pass/the type of memories/that turn our heart to glass//in dust my ribs were formed/and I’ll return again/calm my soul) Helplessness Blues- Fleet Foxes (“do you know how I was appointed to this expedition?”|what’s my name, what’s my station, oh, just tell me what I should do/I don’t need to be kind to the armies of night that would do such injustice to you/or bow down and be grateful and say “sure, take all that you see”/to the men who move only in dimly-lit halls and determine my future for me) Dance to Another Tune- First Aid Kit (“I’m a fake, brother”|will you look at me?/take a good look at me and tell me who/it is that I am//everything is tiresome, everything grows old/with each secret revealed, there’s another to be told) We Don’t Eat- James Vincent McMorrow (“my father was a ridiculous man”|me, I was holding all of my secrets soft and hid/pages were folded, then there was nothing at all/so if in the future I might need myself a savior/I’ll remember what was written on that wall/that we don’t eat until your father’s at the table) Surrender the Night- My Chemical Romance (I didn’t know any of that|you surrender your heart/I surrender every dream/every weapon you’ve got/every secret that I keep) See Through- Pentatonix (“I’ve never said it out loud before now”|all of me uncharted/begs to be explored//I am see through, baby/and I don’t wanna hide/for the very first time) Unclear- Kodaline (“I always felt I deserved more”|when the future’s so unsure/when the future’s so unclear/so you swallow your heart and you swallow your pride/you gotta be tough if you wanna survive/they’ll chew you up and they’ll eat you alive/you shouldn’t give up on the dreams in your mind) Neptune- Sleeping At Last (“are we brothers, Francis?”|a strong wind at my back/so I lift up the only sail that I have/this tired white flag//I’m only honest when it rains/an open book with a torn out page/and my ink’s run out/I want to love you but I don’t know how) Brothers on a Hotel Bed- Death Cab for Cutie (Fitzjames looking at his bullet wounds|you may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be/no longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise/the youthful boy below who turned your way and saw/something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end/but now he lives inside someone he does not recognize/when he catches his reflection on accident) human-Christina Perri (“worst kind of sorry”|I’m only human/and I crash and I break down/your words in my head, knives in my heart/you build me up and then I fall apart) Paint Me Black- Ben Hazelwood (“every man lies”|changing, rearranging/under your call, we all fall/just know that I won’t follow you further/I’m taking over, I’m now the leader) I’ll Follow You- Shinedown (“more than God loves them”|the first step is the one you believe in/the second one might be profound/I’ll follow you down through the eye of the storm/don’t worry I’ll keep you warm) All Fall Down- OneRepublic (walking out|yeah God love your soul and your aching bones/take a breath, take a step, meet me down below/everyone’s the same/our fingers to our toes/we just can’t get it right/but we’re on the road) Stay Gold- First Aid Kit (walking out|what if to love and be loved’s not enough?/what if I fall and can’t bear to get up?/oh, I wish, for once, we could stay gold) Soldier On- The Temper Trap (walking out|all that is gold is rusting/no one will know/when seasons cease to change and:/how far we’ve gone/how far we’re going/it’s the here and the now/and the love for the sound/of the moments that keep us moving) Chin Up- Copeland (Fitzjames collapses|back to where we started/losing who we were/everybody knows that/you’d break your neck to keep your chin up) Old Wounds- PVRIS (“there is time”|they say don’t open old wounds/but this is still brand new/and I’ve got nothing left to lose besides you/and I’ve already lost you once) Landfill- Daughter (Hickey killing Gibson|leave me in the rain/wait until my clothes cling to my frame/wipe away your tear stains/thought you said you didn’t feel pain/well this is torturous electricity/between both of us and this is/dangerous, 'cause I want you so much/but I hate your guts) Save Yourself- Birdy (“my body… use it”|heaven knows, heaven knows/there’s no way to save us/look at what we have become/empty hearts that spare no one/save yourself my darling/just be gone by morning) You’re Not Alone- Saosin (“God wants you to live”|you’re not alone/there is more to this, I know/you can make it out/you will live to tell) The Way It Ends- Landon Pigg (“help me out of it”|this is the way it ends/don’t tell me it’s meaningless//you held me and taught me how/I think I am ready now/if this is the way it ends/this is the way it’s meant to be) Goner- Twenty One Pilots (eye contact|I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath/I wanna be known by you) Carry You Home- James Blunt (Fitzjames dies|as strong as you were, tender you go/I’m watching you breathing for the last time/a song for your heart, but when it is quiet/I know what it means and I’ll carry you home) Corpse Roads- Keaton Henson [not on spotify] (“we both know what’s coming for me”|and don’t lie, don’t lie/don’t lie, I know we’re fixing to die/and I’ll be like this 'til the long sleeper cry/and I won’t give in, we’ll be dead in the eyes/and I’ll see the dark things that you all try to hide/and I won’t be the damnedest bit fucking surprised The Light Behind Your Eyes- My Chemical Romance (“at least love me enough to admit it”|never let them take the light behind your eyes/I’ll fail and lose this fight/never fade in the dark/just remember you will always burn as bright//when I’m here, no longer/you must be stronger) No Sound But the Wind- Editors (Peglar collapses|if I say shut your eyes/if I say look away/bury your face in my shoulder/think of a birthday/the things you put in your head/they will stay here forever/our blood is cold/and we’re alone, love/but I’m alone with you) Be Still- The Killers (“give me forty minutes”|be still/close your eyes/soon enough you’ll be on your own/steady and straight/and if they drag you through the mud/it doesn’t change what’s in your blood/(over rock, over chain, over trap, over plain)/when they knock you down/don’t break character) Cemetery- Say Anything (Hickey eating Gibson|you’re in my body/that’s where I think about you) White Foxes- Susanne Sundfør (“I’m hungry and I want to live”|hunger, hunger, is the purest sin/it is an empty church in a crowded bin) Sword and the Pen- Regina Spektor (“I love the C”|for those who still can recall/the desperate colors of fall/the sweet caresses of May/only in poems remain/no one recites them these days/for the shame/so what if nothing is safe/so what if no one is saved/no matter how sweet/no matter how brave/what if each to his own lonely grave/I don’t want to live without you) One Last Time- Jaymes Young (Bridgens holding Peglar’s hand|could I feel your skin on mine/before I have to say goodbye/could I breathe, please, one last time/you’re in my lungs before I curl up/and die) Fires- Allman Brown (Bridgens walks away to die|in a torch there’s a thousand years unknown/voices tell me a truth I nearly know/this will all soon be memory/I was made in the fires/of your care for me//and I will find you in the next life) Be Still- The Fray (“you can lie there, not feeling well, while I try and cheer you up”|be still and know that I’m with you/be still and know that I am here) Come Back When You Can- Barcelona (Sophia in the snow|come back when you can/let go, you’ll understand/you’ve done nothing at all to make me love you less/so come back when you can) Saturn- Sleeping At Last (“this place is beautiful to me even now”|with shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite/how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist) If I Be Wrong- Wolf Larsen (Little and Le Vesconte go south|and what if I can’t, what if I can/what if I’m just an ordinary man/if there is a will, there is a way/I will escape for sure, I am David Blaine//and I have been wrong, I have been right/I have been both these things all in the same night) Tether- CHVRCHES (Jopson’s death|where’d you go, you were there by my side/keep believing it’s my turn to hide/in a place where we don’t have a prayer/there’s a tether that’s keeping me there) Two Evils- Bastille (“I didn’t have anywhere near an equal on this expedition, but you”|there are two ways to skin tonight/let’s see whose road gets there faster/this is a game, no wrongs, no right/only a winner and a loser/you and I, oh you and I/we’re not that different, you and I) Jupiter- Sleeping At Last (Goodsir’s suicide|I don’t know who I am, but now I know who I’m now//make my messes matter/make this chaos count/let every little fracture in me/shatter out loud) Bleeding Out- Imagine Dragons (Goodsir’s suicide|I’m bleeding out/so if the last thing that I do/is bring you down/I’ll bleed out for you/so I bare my skin/and I count my sins/and I close my eyes/and I take it in) Somebody to Die For- Hurts (“give me your gun, I’m the best shot here”|and I will let the devil know that/I was brave enough to die/and there’s no hell that he can show me/that’s deeper than my pride) The Keeper- Kina Grannis (Crozier muttering the names of his men|sand and stone, struggles to claim and own/(take my burden, I can’t bear the weight)/wars lost won, promises come undone/(I’ve been fighting, trying not to break)/nobody has to know//I will be your keeper) How’m I Supposed to Die- Civil Twilight (the last men falling|and the flesh that used to tingle/has turned a marble blue?/and you tell me that/we can never go back/what am I to say to that?//there’s only one thing left to do) Everything That Dies- Matthew and the Atlas (Crozier finding the last camps|you said everyone you know one day will surely die/but everything that dies in some way returns) Voices Off Camera- Rise Against (”close?”|we either choose to follow or be left on our own/so we’re leaving here on a less-travelled road/as desperate cries grow louder, I know we’re getting close, getting close) Friends Are Dead- Dresses (Crozier walking away with Silna|I’m wandering saintless debris/'cause the saints they arose/heaven took them home/and now I am lonely/this is how it ends, all my friends are dead/I know that I fucked up, the life of a cultural/how can I pretend that everything’s alright/when no one can find me alone in this wasteland?) Lovely- Billie Eilish (“decide in the spring”|isn’t it lovely? all alone/heart made of glass, my mind of stone/tear me to pieces, skin to bone/hello, welcome home/walking out of time/looking for a better place) I Am Only One- We Are the Fallen (Silna leaves|I’m on my own here/and no one’s left to be the hero of/this fairy tale gone wrong/as night will fall, my heart will die alone/ever after never came/and I’m still waiting for my heart to beat again/and all the dreams I’ve laid to rest/are ghosts that keep me/after all that I’ve become/I am only one) Ghost Towns- Radical Face (Crozier in the Arctic|'cause all my life is wrapped up in today/no past or future here/if I find my name’s no good/I just fall out of line/but I miss you/but there’s no comin’ home/there’s no comin’ home/with a name like mine) Exile- Show of Hands (Crozier in the Arctic|I can dream before the break of day/that I’m back with you again/then the morning blows it all away/and leaves an echo of your name/still a thousand miles lie between us/where we’re waking up alone/and what if I could cross a thousand borders/there’s no going home) Until the End- Breaking Benjamin (Crozier chooses to stay|why give up, why give in?/it’s not enough, it never is/so I will go on until the end/we’ve become desolate/it’s not enough, it never is/but I will go on until the end) Hurt- Johnny Cash (“we are gone”|what have I become/my sweetest friend/everyone I know goes away/in the end/and you could have it all/my empire of dirt/I will let you down/I will make you hurt) Bring Me Home-Fahrenhaidt (Crozier walks away|will you find, will you find, will you find me alone?/when you’re far out over the water I’ll be there too/will you find, will you find, will you find me and bring me home?/are you lost/are you chasing hollow dreams/are you lost/was it worth forsaking me?) The Ocean- The Bravery (Crozier and Ross|I climbed up a mountain, and looked off the edge/at all of the lives that I never have led/there’s one where I stayed with you across the sea/I wonder do you still think of me/I carry your image always in my head/folded and yellowed and torn at the edge/and I’ve looked upon it for so many years/slowly I am losing your face) In the Wind- Lord Huron (Robert Goodsir aboard Felix|you’ve been gone for a long long time/you’ve been in the wind, you’ve been on my mind/you are the purest soul I’ve ever known in my life//when you left I was far too young/to know you’re worth more than the moon and the sun/you are still alive when I look to the sky in the night) Frozen Oceans- Shiny Toy Guns (those left behind|ten thousand miles apart/a frozen ocean joins our hearts/I can’t wait to meet you when/the frozen waves meet ocean floors/you’ll be standing on the shore/I can’t wait to meet you then) Come Home- OneRepublic (those left behind|come home, come home/'cause I’ve been waiting for you/for so long, so long) Fields of Gold- Celtic Woman (nostalgia|you’ll remember me when the west wind moves/among the fields of barely/you can tell the sun in his jealous sky/when we walked in fields of gold) Arctic- Sleeping At Last (the last shot of Crozier)

[floorbed]

pen playlist tiem. brain full of thoughts i think this is my longest playlist ever . lyrics and annotation and sections under the cut for funsies heh

home

me and my husband - mitski

and i am the idiot with a painted face / in the corner taking up space / but when he walks in i am loved / i am loved / me and my husband we’re doing better / it’s always been just him and me together / so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together

turf war - momma

the kings and queens are on the court / they’re sitting pretty on the floor

this charming man - the smiths

a jumped up pantry boy / who never knew his place / he said return the ring / he knows so much about these things / he knows so much about these things

utopia - cowgirl clue

living in a great utopia is quite nice is quite nice / living in a great utopia you pay the price you pay the price / living in a great utopia roll the dice kiss goodbye / living the dream living the dream living the dream

bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds

got a figure like a pin up got a figure like a doll / don’t care if you think i’m dumb i don’t care at all / candy bear sweetie pie wanna be adored / i’m the girl you’d die for / i’ll chew you up and spit you out / cus that’s what young love is all about

…

oh dear diary, i met a boy

(do the) act like you never met me - tv girl

the hidden kisses / the clumsy conspiratory glance / but i don’t really mind it no / i always liked the way you danced

it will come back - hozier

don’t give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey make this easy / leave it to the land / this is what it knows / honey that’s how it sleeps / don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it / honey don’t feed it it will come back

real men - mitski

little boys cry and look around for comfort and / always get what they want

song against sex - neutral milk hotel

and he said oh boy you are so pretty / enough to wrap tight in rice paper string / and when i finally kissed him / the whole world began to ring / lost like a bell that’s tipping over / with two cracks along both sides / and i knew the world was over / so i took a look outside

(running away before the trial and seeing the world for the first time vibes!)

exile, early party

april and the phantom - animal collective

i’m sorry april / but you’ll be fine till then / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom

(Pens First Summoning Dot Mp3)

insects are all around us - money mark

(from pens very first introduction in session 1 when he was walking in the woods and was described like looking like a lil insect)

bug - alex g

and when you go there / you stay there / bug in the crosshair / you stay there

king of carrot flowers pt 2 & 3 - neutral milk hotel

i love you jesus christ / jesus christ i love you yes i do

you’ll miss me when i’m not around - grimes

if you don’t bleed then you don’t die / cross my heart and hope to fly / if you like it then you’ll make it out alive / if they could see me now / smiling six feet underground / i’ll tie my feet to rocks and drown / you’ll miss me when i’m not around

rich bitch juice (HANA remix) - alice longyu gao

don’t you dare talk to me / bitch

fool - moonbounce

you could’ve let me think im right / i could’ve tried to keep my cool / i could’ve followed my own rules / i could’ve used you like a tool / i could’ve played a fucking fool

isle

hooped earrings - the front bottoms 

and you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / yeah you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / and there are not so many options / there’s not so many ways that this could possibly end / so you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again

wicked boy - alex g 

real men walk / on the outside / on the outside / on the outside / and they take it for the team

black hair - alex g

it’s not what you are / it’s just what you did / don’t hang up the phone / i love you to death / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return 

rabbit heart - florence & the machine

this is a gift it comes with a price / who is the lamb and who is the knife / when minas is king and he holds me so tight / and turns me to gold in the sunlight

oh ana - mother mother

i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god today / hop up on a cloud and watch the world decay

i am my own hell - teen suicide

i’m learning all kinds of tricks / how to drain the blood from my face

brick - alex g

i know that you’re lying / you think i don’t but i always fucking do

come back - alex g

made my promise and i’m keeping it for kicks / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this

river of the night 

trick - alex g

(this is what his Contract Signing Dream sounded like that’s all)

call this # now - the garden

call this number now / if you wanna check it out / well just do yourself a favor and just call this number now / call this number now 

long way down - teen suicide

you’re a spoiled kid who’s never gonna get / anything that you deserve / i know this life’s gonna be just fine / but with any luck you know the next one’s gonna hurt

business man - mother mother

talkin bout the business man / devil with a sunday plan / buddy with a stupid laugh / just talkin bout the business man / pretty little baby / pretty little monster / went to the good school / left with honors

king rat - modest mouse

deep water / deep water / senseless denial / i went down like a rag doll rat of a child

oh lucky lucky lucky lucky me again / i said it looks like i’ve got to use my feet again / well i just spent my last one hundred dollars / god i’ll pay my bill again 

after dying and being saved

new gods - grimes

hands reaching out to new gods / you can’t give me what i want / but what do i know? / i wanna i wanna i wanna let go / i wear black eyeliner / black attire yeah / so take me higher and higher and higher

…

only brand new gods can save me

home again - carole king

sometimes i wonder if i’m ever gonna make it home again / it’s so far and out of sight / i really need someone to talk to and nobody else / knows how to comfort me tonight / snow is cold rain is wet / chills my soul through the marrow / i won’t be happy till i see you alone again / till i’m home again and feeling right

miracle - paramore

and have i told you / i’m not going / cuz i’ve been waiting for a miracle / and i’m not leaving / i won’t let you / let you give up on a miracle / when it might save you

(Pen And Ori. Pen Telling Ori He’s Not Going To Stay At The Castle [Bc He Couldnt Imagine Not Seeing Her Everyday.] Pens Naive Optimism + His Want T.o Make Her Feel Better Abt The Future and The World And Everything)

dinner and diatribes - hozier

i knew it from the first look of / the look of mischief in your eyes / friends are a fate that befell me / head is the talking type / i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me / what you’d do to me tonight

(Pen And Juni Anthem)

funny - the scary jokes

and i laughed and i laughed and i gasped and i cried / and i tried not to think of my love as a punchline / but i knew the truth would catch up with me sometime / and oh what a funny joke am i

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3)

pretty funny - dogfight (lindsay mendez)

isn’t it funny?  isn’t it funny?  aren’t you funny? / pathetically naive and desperate to believe you could always find some good / well you misunderstood or you’ve been dreaming / cus people are just cruel

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3 Part 2)

until it goes - john congleton

oh my vengeance i swear will be biblical

…

my bride my bride how do i silence / this restlessness inside me / inside i see it kneeling through keyholes / my bride i need no absolution / on this day of my execution / just stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me until the horror goes

(abandonment issues pen be like *stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me noises*. also one day i want pen to hurt everyone who has severely fucked with him and thats all [m****** and d******])

beautiful - carole king

you’ve got to get up every morning / with a smile on your face / and show the world all the love in your heart / then people gonna treat you better / youre gonna find yes you will / that you’re beautiful as you feel

don’t ask me to explain - of montreal

i’d like to marry all of my close friends / live in a big house together by an angry sea / am i the devil’s marbles don’t move on without me / who will be watching my body when i sleep / who will i believe in

(Pen Be Like I Love Ori And Juni And Alba And That Is My Disease. )

100 years - florence welch

i believe in you /and in our hearts we know the truth / and i believe in love / even the darker it gets the more i do / you try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light / and the days will become endless / and never turn to night

...

a hundred arms / a hundred years / you can always find me here / and lord don’t let me break this / let me hold it lightly / give me arms to pray with / instead of ones that hold too tightly 

[the-real-fandom-person]

WangXian, As Told By My Music Library

All tracks are songs from my own personal music library that I listen to on the regular. Some would fit right into a period c-drama, some are heartfelt scifi rock tracks that nonetheless scream ‘WangXian’ to me.

For simplicity’s sake, here’s a YouTube link to the playlist containing all of these.

A New Hope - Broken Iris

Spent a lifetime of holding on

Just to let go

I guess I’ll spend another lifetime

Searching for a new hope.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

I wouldn't know where to start 

Sweet music playing in the dark 

Be still, my foolish heart 

Don't ruin this on me

Anywhere - Evanescence

Forget this life, come with me

Don’t look back, you’re safe now

Unlock your heart, drop your guard

No one’s left to stop you

Bedroom Hymns - Florence and the Machine

This is as good a place to fall as any, we'll build our altar here[...]

Sweating out confessions, the undone and the divine

'Cause this is his body, this is his blood

Such selfish prayers, and I can't get enough

Mother Tongue - Bring Me The Horizon

So don't say you love me "Fala amo"

Just let your heart speak up, and I'll know

No amount of words could ever find a way to make sense of this

So I wanna hear your mother tongue

Clarity - Zedd

Hold still right before we crash, 'cause we both know how this ends

Our clock ticks till it breaks your glass, and I drown in you again

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need,

Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map

And knew that somehow I could find my way back

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too

So I stayed in the darkness with you

Cupid - Hurts

Say a little prayer for me

Cupid shoot your arrows into me

I feel lust like a sick disease

And my blood ignites when I hold you close to me

Dark In My Imagination - Of Verona

There's something in the look you give

I can't help myself I fall, I can't help myself at all

There's something in your touch when we kiss

I scream god forgive me please, ‘cause I want you on your knees

Dissolve - Absofacto

You held me but I’m volatile, and never got my head screwed on

Now I’m melting through the floor[...]

All in white like you’re an angel, with the sun glimmering off your gas mask

This isn’t what I signed up for

Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran

Girl, you know I want your love, your love was handmade for somebody like me

Come on now, follow my lead, I may be crazy, don't mind me

Say, boy, let's not talk too much, grab on my waist and put that body on me

Come on now, follow my lead, come, come on now, follow my lead

Give Unto Me - Evanescence

Give into me your trouble, I'll endure your suffering

Place onto me your burden, I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle, let it be the sun in your world of darkness

Every Breath You Take - The Police

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace

I dream at night, I can only see your face

I look around but it's you I can't replace

I feel so cold and I long for your embrace

Everything - Lifehouse

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose, you're everything

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Forevermore - Broken Iris

Here we lie side by side, now your heart pounds next to mine

Our two souls are surely whole now that I have realized

It's the way your body sways, it's your voice that calls my name

It's your lips, the way they taste and how you look at me, and show me beautiful

Good Enough - Evanescence

Under your spell again, I can't say no to you

Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand, I can't say no to you

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely, now I can't let go of this dream

Can't believe that I feel good enough, I feel good enough

Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

Desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Heartlines - Florence and the Machine

On the sea, on the sea and land over land, creeping and crawling like the sea over sand

Still I follow heartlines on your hand

This fantasy, this fallacy, this tumbling stone, echoes of a city that's long overgrown

Your heart is the only place that I call home, can I be returned?

Mile Deep Hollow - IAMX

No more hesitation, nothing will ever divide us again

No more energy wasted on the temper of our time, just the truth and the sublime

So thank you, you need to know, that you dragged me out of a mile deep hollow

And I love you, you brought me home, 'cause you dragged me out of a mile deep hollow

If My Heart Was A House - Owl City

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully

Back and forth, if my heart was a compass you'd be North

Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall wherever you go

If my heart was a house you'd be home

In Your Hands - Nichole Alden

Keep me own me

Break me slowly

Whatever you want from me I'll give to you I'm in your hands

It Will Come Back - Hozier

Don't let it in with with no intention to keep it

Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it

Honey don't feed me, I will come back

I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz

Well, I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Feral Hearts - Kerli

You are the vision I'm looking for, make me remember all I forgot

Watch me become just an animal, naked to nothing more than who we are

Feral Hearts in the night, loving like we've been kept captive, free to light

Feral Hearts come alive, loving like we've been kept captive, free to...

You And Me - Lifehouse

'Cause it's you and me, and all of the people

With nothing to do, nothing to lose

And it's you and me, and all of the people and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

Like Real People Do - Hozier

I had a thought, dear, however scary

About that night, the bugs and the dirt

Why were you digging? What did you bury

Before those hands pulled me from the earth?

Can’t Help Falling In Love - Pentatonix cover (original by Elvis Presley)

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you

Save Me - Muse

Turn me into someone like you

Find a place that we can go to

Run away and take me with you

Don't let go I need your rescue

Die For You - Starset

Even if the sky does fall, even if they take it all

There's no pain that I won't go through, even if I have to die for you

And when all the fires burn, when everything is overturning

There's nothing that I won't go through, even if I have to die for you

Echo - Starset

I was only in my mind, you were on the outside waiting

I could feel you all the time, your voice could save me

Now all these Sirens sing for me, but I just wanna hear your melody

I call and I can hear you sing, but oh, it's only my echo

Everglow - Starset

Everglow, you'll never know the beauty I see when you open your shadows

Everglow, they'll never know the worlds that I see in the darkness you don't show

Come, I'll show every ghost in me, take my pain into you...

Gravity Of You - Starset

Riding the horizon, falling into you

Feel the vessel tighten, I feel you pull me through

A new world is breaking, your heart unveiling

Breaking into pieces in the gravity of you

Last To Fall - Starset

And the world is cold, but it's beautiful

I wish you were here now, I miss your soul

But you lost your light when the darkness called

But I stand here waiting, the last to fall

Ricochet - Starset

All these broken souls, they never make me whole

They don't, they don't know my heart, they don't know my heart

All these broken souls, each one more beautiful

They don't, they don't know my heart, they don't know my heart

I'll send out my soul to worlds more beautiful

But they won't, they won't know my heart, it's the darkest part

Satellite - Starset

Far across the emptiness I walk the night

And search the silence in the dark you left behind

I seek the stars above the world to be the guides

But they all pale against the light in your eyes

Starlight - Starset

I don't know what to say, but I'm going to want you till the stars evaporate

We're only here for just a moment in the light, one day it shines for us the next we're in the night

So say the word and I'll be running back to find you, a thousand armies won't stop me I'll break through

I'll soar the endless skies for only one sight of your starlight

Halo - Starset

Send out the signal and I'll fly low

If it means the death of me, I won't let go

And if I'm lost in the world’s shadows

I'll use the light that comes to me from your halo

The Lover - Alesana

Is it her, could it be, should my eyes believe what they see?

If you are who I think you are, I might lose my mind[...]

Dead girls don't just appear out of thin air

But I am victim to her sinister stare

Where You Belong - The Weeknd

I'm in control, when you give me your body, yeah

I feel our souls burnin' up when I'm inside of you and I

And I'ma leave a mark, just to remind you

Where you belong, baby, give me your all, scream as loud as you want

Lost In You - Three Days Grace

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Let me inside, let me get close to you

Change your mind, I'll get lost if you want me to

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

[after-lauhgter]

Hey dude, I really like your music taste so do all the music questions that you didn't already answer 🌚

OK DUDE HERE THEY COME (except 1,6 & 14) ... ok lets do number 1 again  What's a song you've been listening to a lot lately? as the world caves in by Matt Maltese, if I get high by nothing but thieves, and literally anything off waterparks’ new live album, that thing makes me feel so ALIVE bc like LIVE MUSIC  Is there an album you recently discovered and are obsessed with it now? well waterparks live in the uk obviously but if the last 6 months count as recently, then the new abnormal by the strokes. its... absolutely breathtaking. I don't have words. 0 words. except these dudes know what the fuck they’re doing. and then I found the devil and god are raging inside me by brand new and jeeesus. literally Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was my most played song in 2020 AS IT SHOULD BE bc its EVERYTHING this album is THE SHIT. every song is just *chef kiss* like there's limousine (omg limousine) and you won't know and not the sun and AHH listen to these albums omg  Put your playlist on shuffle and show the first 10 songs. No cheating. i assume “your playlist” means all my saved songs so Topography by Civilian (pls go listen its SO great) Na Na Na by mcr yees issa classic  Du schreibst Geschichte by Madsen omg geeerman  just saying by EDEN (pretty pretty pretty) Westerland von den Ärzten another classic  letdown by nothing,nowhere. sad but the good kind of sad  The Man by the killers making fun of toxic masculinity gives me LIFE  Graffiti by CHVRCHES YES  and death stranding by CHVRCHES too YES SO GOOD simmer by Hayley Williams, a queen  How do you tend to discover new music? If you do at all of course I do enjoy what Spotify suggests, like my weekly mix brought a lot of bops in the past, although sometimes it just sucks lets be real. I also like the artist- or album-radio, when I wanna find something similar to an album but not the album.  and another thing I lovvve is when artists I like recommend music, for example, have you seen dallon weekes instagram stories? THE TASTE? bc yes, someone who writes music like that MUST have a superior taste in music and he fucking does. 

What app do you mostly use to listen to music? Spotify :) Is there an artist that you feel ashamed of listening too? I can't think of anyone so probably not  What is your favorite album cover art? omg. I have to go with more than one. so there's where the mind wants to go/where you let it go by I the mighty, one of my favorite albums of all time, and I'm going to say it how it is, I LIKE THE COLORS. the blue-ish imagine with the red omg. look at it pls.  Also fandom by waterparks looks SO COOL. again the COLORS  and I love the art for Isola by Kent.  I recently discovered you wouldn't believe what privilege costs by civilian and I think that cover is pretty cool too.  well and then there's petals for armor by Hayley Williams, the cover art is so fucking powerful Jesus I get goosebumps just thinking about it. in case you don't know about it, long story short: there's been a lot of shit going on in Hayleys life in the past. relatable imo. then they made after laughter and its been like u know what fuck it we’ll just laugh and dance through the pain. together. and I LOVED the vibe omg it gave me so much. but for Hayley it kinda postponed REALLY dealing with shit. she came home from touring with AL and she also got divorced during the AL era and everything's shit and out of all that came petals for armor. and in it she reclaims femininity, being alone, being powerful, being a women, everything. and ah yeah we were talking about the cover art, the cover is her, having a line of squares on her face, three of these squares are tattooed on her fingers though bc its where her ex husbands initials used to be that she got covered up. WHAT A MOVE. THE POWER.  (if anyone is interested in hearing Hayley talking about/explaining all this, I really recommend watching her interview with zane Lowe. its SO GOOD basically free therapy) How much did your parents influence your music taste? a. lot. my dad listened to a lot of “dad rock” you may call it, I guess a lot of dads listened to stuff similar to this. Deep Purple, the police, simple minds, Green Day, Billy Talent, the scorpions and things like that. what influenced me the most tho was the beatsteaks (german band, very good), die Ärzte (german band, very good) and LAST BUT NOT LEAST the fricking blues brothers. my favorite movie (not the 2000 remake, go watch that in hell where it belongs), a great, charismatic band, unbelievable live performances. very big WOW from me.  Do you own any vinyl? don't get me started omg. I DO. I wish I could take a photo but my records are at my parents house so ill just name my favorites.  -after laughter and brand new eyes by paramore -violent things by the brobecks and their song boring on 7inch (this is very rare ok) -razzzzmatazzz by idkhow in gold :) -may death never stop you by mcr (my first one, I bought it first and then bought a record player for it, that's how it started lol) -omg the black parade is dead by mcr, this was never available on vinyl until record store day 2019 (?) and I hunted that bitch like idek what it was insane but I found a super cute small record store and the owner didn't have copies of it bc NOBODY DID but he fucking CALLED THE LABEL even though it was way too late and he asked if they'd send him a copy and THEY DID I FUCKING OWE THIS MAN  -and omg Isola by Kent (in Swedish tho bc the English version was never pressed on vinyl) this was intense. I searched for like 2 weeks and then, on google results page 8 or something, I found what could've been the only copy on the damn internet and it was very expensive but its MINE NOW -my signed vertigo vinyl by EDEN, its clear and on side D it doesn't have music but a little message engraved it the vinyl IT IS CUTe -Placebos MTV unplugged! I am so I love with this album. SO. in love. and one day, when I was in Berlin to see palaye royale, back when we had concerts, I walked by a random record store and they have like 4 records left bc they were closing or idk and the only one displayed in the window was this one. tell me about FATE  Do you own any cds? not many. sometimes when im at the store and I see ones I know or like, I just buy them and put them in me moms car bc I want her to listen to them. or when I find a cd by a smaller artist I enjoy, I buy it just to push the nachfrage. HI i am HERE and I WANT this music  Is vinyl really better than listening on a digital device? im not gonna be that middle aged white male audiophile that hates on our generation for using Spotify. bc its great. I think its just different. I mean im sorry I don't carry my record player on the bus with me, pls forgive me for using my phone? having immediate access to most of the music that is out there? wow. what a concept. I love the internet. YES TECHNOLOGY. but. vinyls are... different. I feel likes its a different kind of listening. I feel like youre rly LISTENING. and that way isn't better, or right, and im not saying it works like this for everyone. but when I put a record on, my only activity at that moment is listening to music, I sit down and I listen. to the entire album. so skips and no pauses, bc that's how it works. and I think that sometimes, that can do a lot for you. if you let it.  and besides that, physically owning a record makes me happy on a level nothing else really does. fuck I love music so much and when I fall in love with it, I fall hard. and then owning a copy of it, something I can touch, something that is MINE, putting it in my little shelf, looking at it every few days and just being in love? fantastic feeling.  What is a genre of music that you tend to go to for comfort? sad shit. I feel like I can get great comfort from the sad shit. or maybe just slow shit. and songs that mean a lot to me and have been around me for some time, they have this other level of comfort. like for Emma, forever ago by bon iver for example. I have a playlist, maybe I'll reblog this again and link it ;) Do you tend to like poppy upbeat songs, or more intricate and interesting songs? both. sometimes I wanna have complicated stuff and analyze the shit out of lyrics and instrumentation, sometimes I just wanna v i b e If you have a favorite band or artist, tell us about how you got into them I liked paramore before but when they posted the video of them performing last hope at reading? it was over. when Hayley sang the bridge it was over. now im a die hard fan and I never looked back Is there a song that came out this year that you like? maybe after reading all this shit you expected a list but somehow I can't. where do u even start. but the answer is definitely yes.  THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS 

[lauwrite1225]

Somebody to die for.

Finan x OC; The Old Guard inspired Alternative Universe

Summary : Victoria’s life is rather simple until she has a car accident from which she ends up miraculously unscathed. A series of weird events animates her daily life, everything seemingly bringing her to a strange man. Until this very man knocks at her door.

Spotify Playlist • Masterlist

A/N : Happy F- SIHTRIC SUNDAY!! I'm so sorry for the time it took to publish, but I had a lot of classes and the person that proofread my chapters usually was very busy, so i have to thanks @osferth for proofreading this week💕💕 Anyway! There it is! Thank you so much for all your comments and likes and so sorry again for being late D: 💕

Warnings : mention of deaths

Chapter 7 : Je suis le roi, le roi des cons

“Are ya sure it’s here?”

“Yes I am. I saw the name of this supermarket and there’s no one else around.” 

Finan sighs annoyingly, leaning back in the driver’s seat, his fingers drumming impatiently on the gear level. They have been waiting in the back parking of the Carrefour for three hours now, looking for the woman they are suspecting knows Osferth. They arrived in France two days ago, and Victoria couldn’t help the surprised look she gave to Finan when she realised how good he was speaking french.

“French women find the accent sexy when I speak french and others find speaking french hot.” He explained after they asked their way to a woman who gave him a gracious smile after. 

“Oh, a real benefit then.” She commented, pretending to be impressed, even if she might be part of the other women.

Finan grinned broadly. “Indeed.”

Another thing that this time didn’t make her laugh, was Finan’s skills when it comes to stealing a car. She never felt more nervous than when he asked her to check if no one was coming while he was trying to start the car. 

“Maybe she doesn’t work today.” He mumbles under his breath but Vicky ignores him when she spots a woman coming out of the back door. 

“Oh Christ, I think it’s her.” She exclaims, taping Finan’s arm to have him look. 

The woman walks away from the door, looking at her phone while searching something in her bag. “Alright, I'm goin', stay in the car.” He says, opening the door as Vicky rolls her eyes, tired of always having to wait in the car. 

“Bonne chance!” She tells him with her best french accent, looking forward to how he'll convince the woman to tell them where Osferth is. (Good luck!)

Finan rolls his eyes and closes the door. She immediately opens the window to try to hear something, even if she doubts being able to understand half of the conversation, but at least their tones would give her a clue on how well it's going. 

“Excusez-moi de vous déranger!” He calls the woman and she immediately looks up to him with furrowed eyebrows. (Sorry to bother you!)

Victoria leans forward, trying to see the woman's expression as Finan and her talk. She seems on her guard, looking around and her hand playing with her car's keys. She shakes her head and starts to walk away but Finan catches her back, grabbing her arm. Doubting he will succeed with how reluctant the woman is, she opens the car and joins them, taking her sketchbook with her. When he notices her approaching, the Irishman lets go of her arm while she studies Victoria with the same distrust that she has for Finan. 

“She says she doesn't know him.” He grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I don't know who the hell you are talking about.” She confirms with a light French accent, though she keeps staring at Vicky awkwardly. 

Victoria opens her sketchbook to a page where she drew Osferth and her on the next one. She gives her the work and her eyes widen. “You must know him, because he does know you.” She says in a soft but nonetheless determined tone. 

The woman hesitates, looking between the two strangers and then back to the drawing. “How did you do that?” She asks Vicky. 

“I've been dreaming of him, just like he probably does dream of me, right?” She tilts her head and at how the woman bites her lip, she knows she's right. Through her dreams she has learned that Osferth and she are close and that he told her his secret. Finan keeps thinking it was risky to trust the woman, but Vicky is confident. 

“Are you like him?” She asks carefully, Vicky and Finan nodding immediately. “What do you want from him?”

Vicky glances at Finan for some sort of approval before answering. “He may be in danger, we need to talk to him.”

She runs her hand through her hair before giving back her sketchbook to Vicky, her expression conflicted between mistrust and worry. But she eventually sighs and accepts. “Alright, follow my car.”

Victoria huffs in relief while Finan mutters something in Gaelic. She stretches out her hand toward the woman with a kind smile. “I'm Victoria, and this is Finan.”

“Sophie.” She replies before they separate to join their respective cars. 

Vicky can't help but smile widely once they are on the road, excited by the idea of meeting others like her. She dares to hope that this time, no one will die as when she met Finan. The thought amuses her and she turns to him to remind him of it, but she changes her mind when she notices how tensed his jaw is, his thumb tapping the steering wheel frantically. He is nervous again, like he has been since they arrived in France. He hasn't seen his friends for centuries and she supposes that he fears their rejection. Though she hopes that her presence could ease possible tensions. 

When they stop at a red light, Victoria reaches for his forearm, her palm grazing over it until her thumb can rub the back of his hand. He turns his head to her and she didn't expect his intense dark gaze to leave her breathless. However she doesn't look away and gives him the most reassuring smile she is able to make, her fingers squeezing his wrist. 

“It's going to be alright.” 

His features seem to ease at her words and he let go of his grip on the steering wheel to shift his hand and grab hers, but before he can, the light is green again and a car behind urges them to move. Victoria removes her hand, looking away as she becomes aware of the heat in her cheeks. 

They don't talk for the rest of the way. They quickly are driving through the countryside, still following Sophie close, and Vicky finds that it isn’t so different from England.  After twenty minutes, she takes a small dirt road that makes the car tremble. They enter a thick pine forest and she has to hold the handle above the window’s door while the car struggles in the mud. But finally they reach a small clearing, an old stoned house standing in the middle of it. Sophie stops her car while a man, alarmed by the engine noises walks out of the house. The french joins the blond man and exchanges a few words that confuse him. Victoria gets out of the car and who she now recognizes perfectly as Osferth looks at her with wide eyes, but it's nothing compared to how his mouth drops when the driver door slams and he stares at Finan appearing behind her. 

“Finan?” Osferth calls him, disbelieving. 

The Irish warrior stops a few steps in front of Vicky, a tight and shy smile on his face, his eyes not daring to meet his friend's one. “Hi Baby Monk.” He greets him, waving his hand. 

Osferth huffs a laugh before crossing the gap between them until he takes him in a strong embrace, letting Finan frozen by surprise for a second. He wraps his arms around his friend's shoulders, holding him tightly and Vicky can't help the way her heart melts at the scene. 

“You are alive.” Osferth breathes, his hands holding Finan. 

Finan chuckles. “I can hardly die, Osferth.”

The blond man opens his mouth, but finally gives him an awkward smile. Then, he turns to Victoria, studying her intently with his clear eyes. “How did you find me?”

Finan glances at Vicky, giving her a grin before looking back at his friend. “Through Victoria's dreams. She is just like us.”

Osferth makes another huff and softly smiles at her, which she gives another huff. “I thought it wasn't real.” He blinks a few times before motioning and designating the house. “Come, come inside.”

Osferth leads them inside, and Vicky can't help but whisper 'I told you' to Finan before they pass the front door. He rolls his eyes, but keeps smiling, so she squeezes his arm gently before taking place at the table Osferth points at. Sophie brings them glasses of water and finally sits next to Osferth, quite close in Vicky's opinion. 

The former monk, if she believes what Finan told her about him, leans forward, his hands joined upon the table. “So, how did you two meet?”

Vicky puts down her glass. “Well, Finan followed his dreams, just like we did for you. One day he knocked at my door and killed himself in my flat.”

She can feel Finan offended glare at how she foretold their meeting. “That's a really short summary.” He comments, pointing a finger at her but speaking at their hosts' attention.

Vicky waves her hand. “The most important lines.” 

Osferth and Sophie only nod slowly, the story sounding really strange in just a few words. Though, the blond shakes his head and turns to Vicky with a hint of curiosity making him narrow his eyes. “But how long have you been immortal? We've traveled all around the world and we have never found someone else.”

Vicky hesitates, so much happened in so little time to her that she isn't sure anymore. “Hum… About two months.”

“Oh… So you died in the car accident?” Osferth raises his eyebrows until she nods in agreement. “And, why are you here?” He asks, this time looking at both of them alternately. 

Vicky glances at Finan, his smile now gone, and clear her throat. “Maybe you've seen it, but we've been attacked.” 

“We don't know who they are but they were searchin' for Victoria, and they knew that she is immortal even if she talked about it to no one.” Finan explains, his hand moving with the glass still in it.

Sophie gives a sort of gasp and she grabs Osferth's hand. “You think they could search for us too?” The monk frowns.

Finan shakes his head and presses his index on the table. “I don't know, but if they've found her, they can find y'all too. You need to warn Uhtred and Sihtric, to tell them to be careful.” 

“I can't warn them.” Osferth answers after a heart beat.

This time, it's Finan who frowns, letting go of the glass. “What?” He leans forward after a blink. “No, you must know where they-”

“I can't warn them, Finan.” He cuts across him. “Because Sihtric is gone and Uhtred… Uhtred is dead.”

The sudden silence is thick as Victoria falls breathless at Osferth's words. She can't believe what he said and she has to keep herself from asking him to repeat it. But the monk's tight expression, his jaw twitching and lips pinching, is enough to prove her that she heard him well. 

“What? How's that possible?” Finan asks, confused.

“We don't know, but it did happen.” Osferth answers, looking down.

“When?”

He opens his mouth, searching words and Sophie holds his hand tighter but still tenderly. “It was during the Second World War. We were going to save prisoners from German soldiers. We were just the three of us, but Uhtred was determined and sure it would go as we planned. But it was a trap, there were no prisoners. So we ran away, they were shooting at us and we got separated. It took me two hours to find Sihtric. We searched for Uhtred and when we found him, he still hadn't come back.” 

He makes a pause, taking a deep breath while tears roll down his cheeks, a reflection of those on Finan's face. But when Osferth struggles to speak through the deep sadness that his friend's loss provoked, Finan on the other hand still can't believe it, eyes wide and not even staring at the monk anymore. As Vicky blinks, she realises her eyes are wet too, of shock and compassion for her friend.

Osferth swallows before continuing his story. “We waited so long, under the rain, utterly wet and freezing like hell. But he never came back.” He wipes his tears with his sleeve. 

“Sihtric?” Finan asks under his breath. 

The monk sniffs and sighs regretfully. “We tried to stay together, but he was more and more distant. One day he just… He just left without a word.”

Finan nods but Victoria doubts he has accepted the information. He stands up, his hand flat on the table and his face dark, the chair squeaking as he does so. He is about to say something, the three others staring at him, but he just closes his mouth and leaves the house. 

“I'm so sorry.” Vicky stammers, torn apart between Finan's pain that affects her more than she expected and the shock of the revelation. She rises from her chair as well, her hand waving toward the door. “I should go with him, see if he's fine.”

Sophie walks around the table and rubs her arm in a kind attempt. “Sure, go.”

When she is outside, Victoria perceives Finan crouched, gripping his hair fiercely, his back to her. She steps carefully toward him but he doesn't react until she runs her hand between his shoulder blades.

“I'm such an idiot.” He whispers barely audibly before he stands up, towering one head over Victoria of one head. She bites her lip at how much hatred is burning in his eyes, but the anger is only towards himself. “I'm a fuckin' idiot!” He shouts, gripping his shirt over his chest. “If I wasn't so stubborn. If I had searched for them before, maybe it wouldn't have happened, maybe I could have helped, maybe-” 

“Finan that's enough.” She orders him, clasping her palms over his cheeks to force him to look at her. “Rewriting the past is useless, it will change nothing.”

“They were my brothers and I abandoned them.” He mutters guiltily. 

She brushes back the hair falling over his forehead, resting her hand then on the back of his neck. “You're not responsible for what happened.”

He lets out some sort of strangled sob before leaning down, seeking the comfort of her embrace and she doesn't reject him. For the second time in a few days, she lets him cry on her shoulder, holding him tight. Her heart squeezes, thinking about the new wound Uhtred's loss is creating in the middle of the Irishman's heart already full of scars. He spoke to her of his friend and his adventures with so much pride and joy, describing the strong bond between them. She can only imagine the pain through the one she would feel if she learned Rebecca's death.

When he has calmed down, after long minutes, she stays with him while he smokes a cigarette, sitting on the floor, back against the car. “It doesn't make sense.” He mutters, smoke escaping his mouth. 

Vicky glances at him. “Maybe we are just an anomaly?” She says, not really having thought about it before asking. “And our death has just been programmed in the wrong time.”

Finan huffs, closing his red and swollen eyes before raising his face to the now darkening sky. “That's crazy.”

“As if something hasn't been so far.” She shrugs before resting her head against his shoulder, closing her eyelids as well and remaining focused on Finan's slow breath.

“Thank ya.” He whispers, barely audible as the words mixed with his exhale. 

“For what?” 

“Bein' here.”

Tag :​ @for-bebbanburg @osferth ​ @maggiescarborough ​ @finansarms ​ @dumbledoreisnotmyhubby @solinarimoon

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

POST #24- J’s Year in Review 2019

Jesus Christ it’s 36 degrees and dark at 5:30. The most depressing time of year for me. I owe my friends a few reviews and keep putting them off. I’ll do them tomorrow. Hell, maybe when I have time over the weekend I’ll get that one out I promised a few weeks ago. Here I am, sitting on the couch trying to figure out which record I want to highlight next. It’s a daunting task. A lesson I’ve learned over the past year. I need to get those reviews out but my mind (and ears) get the best of me. What do I do instead? I listen to a couple of records and skip right to the end. What I mean by end is that cliche year in review article that all music journalists put out with their favorite artists, songs, records, and shows of the year. This is all new to me. Shortly after the new year I decided it was time for me to get in the game. I don’t have much to offer but I wanted to put my perspective on paper. My first article was a piece about Tyler Childers raising awareness and getting a large donation of bottled water for the citizens of Martin County, Kentucky. I knew about Martin County. I didn’t know how deep it went. It wasn’t the meet and greet and small solo set that made me want to write about my experience. It was Tyler’s words. It was the raw emotion and the choked up words that inspired me to be a writer. I wanted as many people to know about this event as I could possibly get the word to. Be it 5, 10, 20 or even 30 people that read the article and learned about the plight of the citizens of Martin County have been in for years. That maybe 5, 10, 20 or even 30 people that may learn how to contact their representative and ask questions. I hope it inspires people to learn about their community and lend a helping hand to those in need. That event was last year, but it inspired my path this year.

Let me begin by saying that I have met some of the most amazing people over the past 12 months. I will touch on as many of those people as much as I can. I am going to highlight the music that has moved me over the same amount of time. I’m gonna forget people. I’m sorry in advance. I could put a list of my top 10 albums out but that just wouldn’t be fair. To be honest, there is one album that stands head and shoulders above all others. It’s not even a competition. How do you compete with amazing art? I look at it like its a steady stream of good shit coming out and keeping my playlist full.

Album of the Year (Any Genre)

Sound and Fury - Sturgill Simpson

Why?

It’s f*cking amazing. Earth shattering. Ground breaking. LOUD!

Sturgill Simpson took everything you thought you knew about him and his music, threw it out the window of his muscle car, and backed over it about a hundred times. This man does not give a shit. I screwed up on my first listen. There are two ways this album should be heard. 1) On a turntable with the volume turned as loud as it can possibly go. 2) Watching the accompanying anime movie with the volume turned as loud as it can possibly go. Unfortunately I did neither. Most of my first listen was a track at a time on my phone or in my truck. Dead. Wrong. If I had it to do over again I would most definitely start with the anime.

I get it. Anime is not for everyone. If I could give someone a starting point with anime, it would most definitely be Sound and Fury. This album is The Wall of our generation. After my first listen I posted, “Album of the Year Any Genre”. I fully stand by that assessment.

Favorite Albums of the Year

This is where I will most definitely make someone mad or make myself mad for leaving off someone who deserves to be included.

Home - Billy Strings

Favorite Tracks: Away From The Mire and Watch It Fall

Country Squire - Tyler Childers

Favorite Tracks - Creeker and Peace of Mind

Stranger In The Alps - Buffalo Wabs and the Price Hill Hustle

Favorite Tracks: Buffalo’s Canon and Stewball

Between The Country - Ian Noe

Favorite Tracks: Barbara’s Song and Methhead

Seneca - Charles Wesley Godwin

Favorite Tracks: Hardwood Floors and Seneca Creek

Chris Knight - Almost Daylight

Favorite Tracks: I’m William Callahan and Go On

The Wind - Eric Bolander

Favorite Tracks: Closer to that Flame and Ghost

Josh Nolan - Kind Heart to Follow

Favorite Tracks: Makin’ Eyes and The Honeysuckle

Nicholas Jamerson - Floyd County All Star

Favorite Tracks: Patience and Floyd County All Star

High Expectations - Sean Whiting

Favorite Tracks: Melody and Misery

Songs Only A Mother Could Love - Wayne Graham

Favorite Tracks: By and By and Every Evil Thing

On The Hilltop - Nic Allen and the Troubled Minds

Favorite Tracks: Cheap Pills and Wine and For Heaven’s Sake

Cheap Silver and Solid Country Gold - Mike and the Moonpies

Favorite Tracks: Cheap Silver and Danger

The Gospel - The Local Honeys

Favorite Tracks: Amazing Grace and Let the Church Roll On

Full Moon/Heavy Light - Ona

Favorite Tracks: Young Forever and True Emotion

Trial and Error - Vintage Pistol

Favorite Tracks: Lay It Down and Leave Me Behind

The Pilot Light - Derek Spencer

Favorite Tracks: The Witches of Appalachia and Lit By Moonlight

We Fall, We Break - Walter DeBarr

Favorite Tracks - Wicked Eyes and We Fall, We Break

Alive at Hillbilly Central - Arthur Hancock

Favorite Tracks - Take Me Back To The Country and Kenton’s Outdoor Seating Area

Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

Favorite Tracks: Truth Hurts and Juice

I have to give a shoutout to some amazing visual artists for their work on some of these records. Jimbo Valentine and Colonel Tony Moore did an absolutely amazing job on the Country Squire album art. With Valentine’s futuristic hillbilly aura and Moore’s gritty comic book background, their collaboration is my favorite album artwork in some time. Honorable mention goes to Nashville Tattoo Artist, Squishy Eyes. His work for Billy Strings’ home is colorful and visually stimulating. I definitely want some skin art done by this guy!

Next. Let’s talk festivals. Jon Grace burst onto the scene this year putting on not one but two music festivals. Jon and I go way back. We’ve been to country shows, rock shows, heavy metal shows, nu metal shows, Ozzfest. You name it and we were probably in the vicinity. Laurel Cove Music Festival was Bell County’s first foray into the music festival scene and it started with a flash of lightning, then another, then a shit load of rain. An outdoor music festival being held at a beautiful natural amphitheater turned in to an indoor show in the conference room at Pine Mountain State Park. It was a tough decision to make, but in the end, it was worth every minute. The lineup came together in short order and provided us with two days of blistering sets. Jon then put together the FREE Cumberland Mountain Fall Festival in downtown Middlesboro, KY. Featuring local and regional talent for another two days of fun and music. 2019 set the bar high for live music in Bell County.

Festival of the Red is located in the heart of the Red River Gorge area and put on three days of camping and music. The only downside was that I was only there on Saturday. My buddies Blake and Dave packed in the truck with Dave’s little boy Waylon to make the two hour trip to Slade to catch up with old friends and new.

Master Musician Festival is a yearly mainstay in Somerset, KY. Tiffany Finley and company put together a stellar lineup year after year. My wife and I went for the day on Saturday and returned home with memories that we still laugh about months later. I first want to give a shoutout to the staff of MMF for enduring a brutal storm and having the integrity to cancel the headlining act in the face of severe storms. We were devastated that we missed out on a Jason Isbell set, but we are also blessed that we were not injured in a stupid storm. The party rolled on to Jarfly and into the wee hours of the morning.

This brings me to the granddaddy of them all.

Kickin’ It On The Creek.

The Roberts do it up right on Ross’ Creek. The 5th Annual Kickin’ It On The Creek held on Byron Roberts’ farm is something every music fan should experience once in their life. I went to Irvine in June to attempt to buy tickets in person. I left the house Saturday morning around 4:30. My anxiety hit when I got into town and parked and saw the line stretched nearly a half mile down the road. What do you do though? You hop in line! My friends Jon and Daniel arrived about an hour and a half ahead of me and were about 15 people in front of me. Throughout the morning we made conversation with both veterans and newbies alike. The vibe was jubilant. It was almost like a family reunion atmosphere, and this was just the presale. Long story short, about 3 hours later we get to the front of the line when Byron exits the store to announce the tickets were sold out. My friends who were 15 people in front of me were the last group in. It made me ill to realize I was that close. Never fret, the next step was an online sale that supposedly sells out in seconds. Over the next few weeks, karma would smile on us as we were able to purchase enough tickets so everyone in our group of friends were able to procure tickets. Now the wait.

I’m not a festival virgin by no means. I was fortunate enough to go to three Bonnaroo festivals in the early 00’s. Needless to say, I had an idea of the festival life. However, I can’t begin to explain the giddiness that my wife and I felt driving to the festival that Thursday evening in late September. We made it just in time to set up camp and catch Bedford Band and one of the acts I most looked forward to, Buffalo Wabs and the Price Hill Hustle. The family atmosphere was in full effect. We were home. On Friday we were treated to sets by a variety of artists handpicked by the Roberts family. Favorites included Luna and the Mountain Jets, Crownover, Laid Back Country Picker, Green Genes, Jericho Woods, Vintage Pistol, Magnolia Boulevard, John R Miller and the Engine Lights, Town Mountain, and the ‘Lectric Wooks. Saturday favorites included Abe Partridge, Padre Paul Handleman, Wayne Graham, William Matheny, Senora May, Ona, The Wooks, Arlo McKinley, and festival headliner Tyler Childers. I’m already thinking about KIOTC 2020.

This year was magical. I heard amazing music, saw amazing music, introduced my children to amazing music, and most importantly shared with with my wife. I met lifelong friends and have several shows to look forward to in 2020.

Upcoming shows I’ll be attending are The Wooks, Arlo McKinley, Eric Bolander, Charlie Woods and Deep Hollow, and Dave Shoemaker at the Bell Theater on December 21st. 2020 brings Morgan Wade/Kelsey Waldon, Town Mountain/Buffalo Wabs/Geno Seale, Billy Strings, and Sturgill Simpson/Tyler Childers. The festival circuit is also ramping up with dates set for Laurel Cove 2020.

-Josh Trosper

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).