#i am in part guilty of this bc i have like a whole section of my brain chemically wired around deathclaws so i get it but also like

[endivinity]

i think the most bizarre reaction to seeing fanart (other than going "i thought this was [totally unrelated thing that it doesnt even look like]') is to go 'this isn't canon'. like.... yeah it's not supposed to be?

people have headcanons! there are also different interpretations of unclear or hard-to-quantify-exact-meaning canon!

but it doesn't even have to be a headcanon. art is an exploration of thoughts and concepts. it's an expression of creativity. sometimes it's just a fun exercise. for fun. any time i see someone go 'thats not what really happened' i dont think 'aw shit i got it so wrong', i think: wheres your joie de vivre. your whimsy. embrace things that arent real

[bellysoupset]

Hello!! Could I request a touch-starved Leo with Jonas where maybe Jonas doesn’t believe Leo when he says he says he doesn’t feel good. He makes a mean remark or something but Leo has an upset bloated belly (no emeto, but gassy) and just wants comfort from Jonas (maybe he feels like he doesn’t deserve it - bc of trauma or smth) And Jonas feels guilty? Ending in lots of cuddles and tummy rubs?! Thank you so much ❤️

"It won't kill you, stop whining," Jonah rolled his eyes as he walked past Leo, fixing his tie on the mirror. His boyfriend had been sitting at the edge of the bed for the past 20 minutes, only half dressed. He had his social shirt all buttoned up, but he still wasn't wearing anything but boxers and his own tie hung limply around his neck. Jonah glared at the reflection, "Leo."

"Jon, you don't need me there, c'mon-"

"I want you there," Jonah frowned, "Leo, please?"

The blonde met him with a steely glare, blue eyes very striking against his face and for a second Jonah's will wavered. Leo really didn't seem to be just playing it up to miss the event... But then his boyfriend nodded, having lost the battle of egos and turned around to grab his trousers carefully separated and ironed already.

Jonah gulped down the sudden bad taste in his mouth and shook his head. He couldn't let Leo have his way, if it was up to him they'd never socialize ever.

It was the opening night of an art gallery and Jonah really loved the art scene, much more than he enjoyed chips and beers with the guys. Obviously he didn't say that last part out loud, but it was an open secret.

Leo was tagging along like a sullen shadow as they entered the modern building. The lights had been dimmed in the main hall, then the whole place had been separated in sections, the blue area, the pink one and so forth.

"This is gorgeous," Jonah all but beamed, reaching behind him without looking, in order to take Leo's hand, but he found nothing but air. He frowned, glancing over his shoulder and his happiness considerably diminished. Leo had his arms crossed to his chest, a painful frown on.

A pang of annoyance hit him and Jon breathed out forcefully, "really? At least try to enjoy it."

Leo glared at him, unimpressed, "I'm here, am I not?"

"You're acting like a toddler," Jonah hissed back, before a familiar figure walked behind his boyfriend and he pushed the argument aside, opening a smile and calling out, "Wendy, hey!"

Wendy was clad in a silver-blue dress, arm in arm with a friend and she waved and beamed as Jonah circled Leo and went to hug her.

Leo glared in her direction, somehow she was always there when he wanted her there the least, he thought sourly, watching Jon pull her in a hug and then shake her friend's hand enthusiastically.

He wasn't just being annoying for no reason, Leo scowled, he had tried multiple times to tell Jon he'd much rather be at home. Not only these events made him uncomfortable, but while he could normally suck it up, tonight his belly really didn't feel well and it was hard to concentrate on being the perfect boyfriend.

He moved away from the trio, not bothering to greet Wendy. It was no secret between the two of them that Leo didn't like her and he wouldn't be all smiles just because Jon wanted him to.

Instead he walked to the other side of the gallery, to the green section and leaned on a pillar, sourly doom scrolling his instagram account and trying not to think of the burning jealousy in his gut and the crampy sensation that was spreading all over.

His trousers were digging in him, but he couldn't possibly loosen them or do anything about it. He scrolled past a picture. One of his teachers whom he followed was posting educative stuff about Law. He pushed the slides, liked it and scrolled past it without reading a word. Next post was Lucas', it was a video of him leaning against his apartment's bathroom door, which was closed and the noise of Bella singing faintly over the shower could be heard through it. He had put a bunch of fire emojis all over it. They were sickening adorable.

Leo rubbed at his chest, dislodging a small, breathy burp and he let it out slowly, glancing up. Jonah was nowhere to be found. Great.

He had no idea who were the next two people on his feed and then he ended up getting lost in his recommended videos -

"Champagne, sir?"

Leo's startled at the question, nearly dropping his phone. His chest rumbled with a burp, he swallowed it back down and it hurt.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Champagne, sir?" the waiter repeated and Leo felt an urge to laugh hysterically. He couldn't count in one hand the amount of times he had been in the other side of this interaction.

"Uh - Yeah, yeah, thanks," he said awkwardly, taking the champagne flute and starting to sip on it. The bubbles went up to his nose. Sat heavily in his chest, refusing to go down.

He swallowed a burp back down again, feeling cold sweat start to collect on his brow. His stomach hurt. Whatever he had had for lunch, it was truly upsetting it and he was terrified that nausea was soon to follow the whiny gurgles that were making their way around his belly.

"Hi," Wendy's voice interrupted his musings and Leo glared at her as she came to stand elbow to elbow with him, looking ahead as if she was admiring the photography framed before them, "goodnight to you too."

"Uhm," Leo rolled his eyes, took another sip of the champagne, which he immediately regretted, "what do you want, Wendy?"

She raised a perfecty manicured eyebrow, "Geez, calm down, Leo. I just wanted to make small talk."

"We don't have to small talk," he scoffed, then couldn't help but grab at his stomach as a painful gurgle ran through it, queasiness following suit.

She was studying him still, hazel eyes glued to his face, "...right" Wendy said skeptically, "so what are you doing here? I thought you were Jon's date?"

"I am," Leo glared at her, running a shaky hand through his hair and forcing the saliva pooling in his mouth backdown by taking yet another regretful champagne sip, "of course I am, why are you asking?"

"You're not with him," she shrugged, "well, you don't have to be tied by the hip, kinda antiquated on my part to say so," the jab was clear, "some couples are a little too clingy if you ask me."

"I didn't," Leo scoffed, "Wendy, did you want something or did you go out of your way to pe-" he cut himself off when a wet burp pushed past his lips, turning frothy and disgusting at the end. Tasting like bitter coffee and champagne. Oh yeah, he hadn't had lunch, Leo remembered. He had been stuck at the library all day, living off coffee.

He rushed a hand up to cover his mouth and kept it clasped there for a couple seconds as he swallowed down the nausea, eyes squeezed shut. When he opened his eyes, Wendy was still staring at him, unfazed.

She squinted at him, "you were saying?"

"Please," Leo rubbed a hand over his face, tired and noticing how clammy he was, "leave me alone."

"Alright," she said a little too cheery, raising her hands in mock surrender, "can't say I didn't try to be friendly."

He huffed, "very friendly," and watched as she turned around and walked away from him... And straight to Jon, across the room, who had just been chatting with her friend.

"Shit," Leo grumbled, watching as Wendy grabbed Jon's grey blazer and pulled him aside politely, before prompting starting to rant. Probably going on and on about how rude he was, Leo thought with a renewed sense of nausea, as Jon looked past Wendy's naked shoulders and to the spot where he was standing.

It felt like he had been caught doing something terrible, even if in reality he had just been standing there. He felt an urge to run, from the intense manner Jonah was looking at him. His boyfriend planted a reassuring hand on Wendy's shoulder, then started to walk towards him, an angry frown on.

"Leo."

"I swear she fucking started it," Leo defended himself, feeling even more shitty that he had to defend himself to his own boyfriend, but Jonah only scoffed.

"Leo."

"It's not my fault she seemingly hates me for no good reason. I swear she's half in lo-"

"Leo," Jonah's voice was an octave higher, more harsh, "Wendy said you're sick."

"...What?" he mumbled, confused, stomach pain forgotten, anger too, "what...?"

"She said I'm a dick for dragging you here when you're clearly sick," Jonah moved awkwardly from side to side, looking him up and down, "so are you?"

Leo glanced over his shoulder, to where Wendy was standing across the room, drinking champagne with her friend, pretending to be blissfully unaware, "No, I'm fi-" he started to lie, only for another sick burp to press at his throat. He cupped his mouth and tried to swallow it back in, but it was to no avail. Gross, warm champagne flooded his mouth and he swallowed it down, gagging. Once he opened his eyes again, Jonah looked like he had just assassinated his puppy right in front of him.

"Jon-"

"Bloody hell, Leo," Jonah groaned, crossing the space between them, "I'm so sorry, I should've - Shit, I should've heard you, I'm so sorry-"

He felt ill for a whole different reason now. Vindicated, yes, but also just guilty that he was ruining Jonah's night. His stomach churned even more aggressively and Leo pressed the heel of his head to his forehead, "I'm sorry..."

"Oh shut up," Jonah scoffed, cupping his face, thumbs coming up to smooth his brows, taking him in, "let's go home, alright?"

"I can go home on my own-"

Jonah's whole face fell and if Leo hadn't been looking at him, he wouldn't have caught it. The hurt, fear and disappointment all in one, quickly masked away by careful indifference.

"You don't want me to go?"

"I didn't say that, you idiot," Leo groaned, then decided he was done being polite and leaned in, pressing his face to Jonah's peck and muffling a sick burp against his jacket, "do you want to come?"

He could almost hear Jonah eyerolling. Instead his hand came to rest on Leo's nape, rubbing little circles there as he carefully guided them, never once pulling Leo away even though it made walking very difficult.

It was a nice night, the type that wasn't too warm, but wasn't cold either and Leo only pulled back once they were outside. He rubbed at his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose.

"I'm sorry, Jon... We can come tomorrow to check it out, I promise-"

"Please stop," Jonah sighed, opening the car door for him, "get in."

Leo obeyed without a comment, unsure if Jon was annoyed or not, unsure if he was annoyed or not. He should be, rigth?

Instead he leaned in and pressed his forehead to the dashboard of Jon's fancy sports car, undoing the fly of his social pants and groaning as it brought a tiny spark of relief.

He heard as the driver's door snapped shut, then felt Jon's hand in his hair, voice smooth and calm as he said, "what's wrong, baby?"

"My belly really hurts," Leo groaned, sinking his fingers on his normally flat stomach. It was tender to the touch, too warm, "I feel sick, Jon."

"Gonna hurl sick?" Jon asked wearily, but for once it wasn't as much like he was worried about himself, much more about his boyfriend, "Leo?"

"I don't know," the blonde sighed, "not sure."

"Okay," Jon squeezed his shoulder, "we'll be home in a minute, I promise."

"Alright," Leo nodded, keeping his head down, arms wrapped around his unhappy, bloated belly.

He was thankful that Jonah was true to his word and that his apartment building was just around the corner, because the short ten minutes long drive was enough to heighten his carsickness and the moment the car came to a stop, Leo pushed the door open and turned around, retching towards the concrete ground.

He didn't bring up anything, just some horrible burps that hurt his throat and made his nose burn, and the nausea was still present when he saw from the corner of his eye as Jonah circled the car and crouched down next to him, possible vomit be damned.

"Leo, hey," he rubbed his leg, "let's go inside, you need to lie down."

"I feel sick," he shook his head, trying to communicate he was terrified of puking in Jon's extra fancy elevator, but his boyfriend only sighed and pushed the hair off his eyes, wiping the perspiration away.

"I know, baby, but sitting here won't help... I don't think you're gonna throw up."

"You can't know," Leo groaned, digging in his stomach and bringing up another sick burp, turning his face away just in time to avoid belching on Jonah's face, "I feel really sick, Jon."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Jonah sighed, then didn't wait for a response, pulling him to his feet, "lean on me, it'll be just a second."

Leo gulped down at the movement, hugging himself as if his stomach was detached from the rest of him and would somehow fall off if he didn't.

Jonah was terribly quiet during the entire trip up, even when they entered the apartment and Leo headed for the bathroom, instead of the bed.

He allowed him a minute of privacy, taking his sweet time in the bedroom and Leo crouched down in front of the toilet, staring at the swirling water and trying to force up whatever was making his belly so sick. He coughed and spluttered, burping again, but despite his burps ending wet and horrible, no vomit came up.

"Baby," Jonah planted a hand on his shoulder, holding his bicep, "I don't think you'll be sick, come to bed."

"I don't wanna puke in your bed," Leo all but whined, dignity quickly starting to fade the sicker he felt, "I already ruined your night-"

"I ruined your night," Jonah corrected him sharply, "don't you dare twist this around. We could've spent it in and I bet you wouldn't be feeling half as wretched," he ushered Leo up and back into the bedroom, "stop caring about the bed, it's not important."

"It is-"

"Leo, for fuck's sake!" Jonah snapped at him, only to wince at his own tone, breathing in, "the bed isn't important, alright? Can you please lie down so I can help?"

Leo sighed, obeying but not without throwing Jon a dirty look, "just because you said please."

Jonah's frustrated, angry frown melted into an amused smile and he moved closer. He was no longer in his tux, had already changed into silk pijama pants and a flimsy tanktop. His hands went for Leo's shirt first, undoing the buttons, since the tie had already been undone in the elevator ride up.

"Oh... Leo..." Jonah said quietly, unhappily as he got a decent look of his boyfriend's belly. Just like Leo imagined, it was bloated, very bloated, gurgling non-stop and slightly blushy too, pushing against the elastic band of his boxers, "that can't feel good."

"It doesn't," Leo grunted, digging his fingers on his sides and forcing up another burp, "feels tight as fuck."

Jonah glanced up, pulling on his pants, "do you want me to rub it?" it was a genuine question and Leo blushed, cursing the way his whole face turned red.

"Sure...?"

"Okay, lie down," Jon nodded, finishing undressing him and then crawling on the bed next to him and rolling onto his side, planting a large hand on top of Leo's bloated belly. The light weight pushed up another burp and the blonde froze, swallowing in.

"Can you get me the bin?"

"You're not gonna be sick," Jonah scoffed, but instead of arguing he rolled away and grabbed the paper wastebasket he left across the room, handing it to him. Leo stared at the two receipts on the bottom, burping towards it, before moving on the bed so he was closer to Jon and there was space to keep the bin right under his left arm, curled near him.

Jonah planted a kiss on his naked bicep, fingers brushing up and down his taunt stomach, the muscles tight against his skin. He drummed his fingers on the side and sighed, "you're so bloated..."

"Uhm," Leo answered eloquently, closing his eyes to avoid looking at him. He was still blushing, "sor-"

"You've got to stop apologizing," Jonah scoffed, pressing under his navel, rubbing his thumb around and popping a pocket of air. A sick, loud and long burp exploded out of Leo's mouth and the man sat up further in bed, reflux burning his throat.

"That hurt..."

"Did it help with the queasiness though?" Jon asked, staring at his domed belly as if it was a puzzle piece.

Leo shrugged, "not sure..."

Only to feel Jonah's fingers pressing in, never releasing the pressure as they dragged from the sides of his belly towards the navel. A gurgle came up, so loud that Jon heard it and Leo blushed even more.

"What did you eat to upset your stomach so badly?" Jon frowned, thumping lightly on the sides and causing a string of small, wet belches to roll out of his boyfriend. Leo rested his hand over Jonah's, gagging.

"Slow, babe, be gentle..."

"Sorry," it was Jonah's turn to apologize as he resumed to a more delicate belly rub, "so?"

"Nothing," Leo thumped on his chest, trying to unstuck a big burp he could feel was there, "I only had coffee since breakfast."

It was the wrong thing to say, Jonah's hands stopped moving, the steel flooding his hazel eyes and making them much more green than brown, "you're joking."

"Uh-"

"Leo!" Jonah cried out, sitting straight up on the bed, "it's been hours - It's no wonder you're sick!"

"I'm not sick," Leo winced, leaning forward to hang his head between his knees and squeezing his belly, "just gassy and queasy-"

"...Oh fucking hate to break it to you but that classifi-"

Leo's chest jostled with an aborted heave and he grabbed the bin with trembling hands, burying his face in it and gagging once, twice - Then a horrible belch echoed in the plastic bucket.

He pulled back after a second, looking pastier than before, "feels... Feels better now."

Jonah let out a sigh, "you're unbelievable..." he pulled Leo back down, snuggling next to him and once again planting a hand on his gurgling stomach, taking care to be gentler this time, "...we're having breakfast together tomorrow," he leaned in, planting a kiss on Leo's temple, "and lunch and dinner."

"Aww he cares," Leo smiled, cheeks all flushed pink and Jonah rolled his eyes, squeezing his tummy a little harder and causing him to burp again.

"Shut up."

[definitelynotshouting]

Part 2!! (Probably wont do more until my tmrw unless i get consumed by feelings) Hope u have a great rest of your day!

-☀️

"Well… he sounds like a friend."

- NO COMMENT. WAILING

-☀️

"In this moment, with the diaphanous threads of Mumbo's hope wrapping around his shoulders, he almost feels guilty about it."

- THE "ALMOST" HERE IS SO SKHABFUSJAKAK

- It's because Grian still thinks that he's saving them that he doesn't feel wholly guilty. Grian's whole "the end justifies the means" mentality he has in the chapter- and it what he believes is the final stretch of his life- has me in a chokehold. He's lying to everyone; at the very end of the chapter he asks Mumbo to tell him about the gold farm (more thoughts coming later). Among other things, it makes Mumbo relax, it makes Mumbo "hope", which is so, SO cruel. But in grian's mind it's justified because one day, he'll slip up again, he'll hurt them again. So playing nice now is worth it, even if they hate him for it after he's dead.

-☀️

"Grian stares at him, eyes watering; something dark and unseen is beginning to pry his skull apart like the shell of a nut, digging out gore and fatty tissue, spraying it in fine chunks across the ground."

- wowow imagery

- I especially like this one cause the "nut" metaphor links to the general nature of the Watchers and them feeding, so likening this to a brain/skull is so MMM.

- "Pry his skull apart" not an emotional analysis, but this action feeling slow, drawn out and calculated, yet simultaneously brutally messy is just sticking with me. I like this a normal amount (lying)

- "Spraying it in fine chunks across the ground" aside from the whole eating brains thing, i also love this as a metaphor for vulnerability. Feeling like there's no other avenue left to hide in, or, alternatively, being too drained to create a new one

-☀️

The imagery in this section of all the snow and ice: "arctic chill", "melts...like snow", "icemelt" contrasted against the heat imagery you use around pain is very fun. It really hammers home how trapped Grian is, on one hand he is struggling against the constant pain and migraines (physical), and on the other his psychological state is strained by his fractured relationships

i dont have a lot of words rn but !!!!! I AM GOING LIKE ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 ABT THIS COMMENTARY AAAAAAAAUGH THANK YOU SO MUCH,,,, <33333

Fun fact about the nut metaphor-- i shamelessly stole that from my own poetry LOLOLOL, specifically these last few lines of one of my oldest poems:

i'll fully admit i do that a lot-- certain aspects of my poetry end up influencing my prose, and some phrases just linger in my mind and end up falling right into my other stories bc theyve become so integral to how i process the world around me

Im so glad youve liked this chapter so much!!! Its always a treat to receive your commentary :]

[its-hai-time]

hi i have had turnabout light brainrot for the past like 2 days but specifically about the concept of a soundtrack for it bc i am absolutely obsessed with video game osts so i am going to unload all my thoughts. i'd imagine the song for klavier's apartment is really empty and just doesn't have much going on. would fit how he is just. really alone there. also it's in c minor. idk i just think every depressing song in c minor sounds good. i don't know any other locations the case would include, but i'm still playing around with what klavier's jail cell theme might be. athena's is a music box version of her theme and trucy's is a slower/sadder remix of her's, so i've tried slowing down guilty love. unfortunately the music production team is amazing and it still sounds very peppy at .25 speed, and just doesn't fit the vibe at all. so i thought maybe it would instead be guitar's serenade or the gavinners • twilight gig. both are absolutely GORGEOUS themes that i would love to see reused, and both come from cases where he lost someone important to him (daryan went to jail and his law mentor died). even just incorporating elements of those songs into a different new theme created for the turnabout would give me psychic damage and make me pass away instantly from how happy i would be. an acoustic guitar with some reverb would fit extremely well too, and i'm always one for throwing mallet percussion into everything and anything, so i can see it having a marimba or vibraphone as well. additionally, given this isn't just an added case to another game and is rather a whole new game, apollo's theme would get an update like it does every game. 2013 had this beautiful electric guitar section, and 2016 had what i think is a synth solo that was absolutely amazing. i think it would be really cool if this version included the bell bits that were in the orchestra and 2013 versions of the theme!! also the 2013 version's ending is honestly my favorite of all time, so it would be neat if it included something similar to that. honestly even if you never listen to another theme from dual destinies PLEASE listen to apollo's theme it's so good i force everyone i meet to listen to it. i have so much more i could say but i'm just now realizing how long i've already made this so i'm gonna stop now. sorry i am a massive game music nerd and love your comic lol. super excited for part 13, but remember to take your time and not feel pressured to release it before you think it's ready.

the thought that someone can have actual brainrot for my work is amazing aaaaah. Anyways I'm LOVING these music ideas, especially for Klavier's apartment, you'd expect it to be pretty over the top for the rock star himself; but he really doesn't live in his apartment that much, it's kind of a lonely place when you look around at it. A slower, understated score fits much better to show how empty the place is. Anyways I've never played past aa4 so I'll be checking out those apollo themes soon I guess lol.

anon if you wanna message me with your musical score brainrot I'm literally so open. I always love opportunities to talk about the game au as a whole rather than just the one case everyone knows.

[badbacksadsack]

merry xmas guys, be safe

It could be whatever I feel alone a lot even when I'm with someone I feel like I don't check in enough with self I would like to do better at checking in Maybe check out some journal prompts I feel bad about being a sw I feel guilty and shameful about asking men on the internet for help however the times that I needed money felt dirty too I felt as if I was being bent over a metaphorical barrel by life

Just existing after coming back to the UK (adter being forced into islamic boarding school in africa) without any parents or family to support me I felt like I had to make money to survive somehow Existing was expensive so many costs with no income streams, the only people I've told were doing the same thing or 'worse' selling and taking dr(u)gs, coincidentally the first proper lgbtqia+ group of friends I've ever met/lived with which honestly clouds my judgment of a whole group I'm a part of It really shouldn't, I honestly wish it didn't My representation of the 'community' or the one I now belong to, the chosen family rather than (over) my 'actual' (biological) family seems to be (is/) one just as dysfunctional, gaslighty and gatekeeping as the one I escaped and I felt like I had to do what I usually do, disengage, avoid, not share myself as freely to protect my energy, my fragile mental health (i want to build resilience) and become 'harsh' aka be stingy with my finances (it felt harsh whenever my mum/sister used to share anything they would leverage that thing, now I struggle to recognise I need help and hate asking for it) and I wish to be generous but with boundaries so it doesn't feel harsh, to have money for myself, my future house, my goals to build the life I want Everyone deserves happiness. Everyone Above happiness is peace, that is the goal I am part of everyone and my happiness matters Whether or not I am under or overweight, I matter and Everyone deserves to eat no matter what, it is a basic necessity. I didn't have the language to express to my ex, a communist mental health nurse, a person who worked in that (mine)field of psychology, that I was struggling in part due to psychosocial factors not just MH problems or home dynamic stuff w my brother, I was flat broke, not eating, not getting a good circadian rhythm, the pandemic started and I was struggling with picking up my meds on time, feeling worse than I've ever felt when off them, then the pressure of my uncle and getting to shifts, after there was a shooting there, being on public transport in peak covid, getting groceries and cleaning the house I had stopped talking to (broken up with my abusive ex best friend) around that time so honestly the lack of a support system or any one to talk to was getting to me with the icing being that fucking traumatising few days where I injured my hand, got sectioned with stitches in my finger, got drunk w few days after, stupidly thought to surprise him, got the long way by bus bc the trains were off, ended up getting there in some dark area I wasn't familiar with, Drunk, and at unsociable hours, I wrote a left handed Drunk note left it on his car and spent the night stranded at the station until the sun came up because the buses weren't running I forgive myself for not having the words that day or any time around that I forgive myself for drinking when I didn't have any other coping mechanisms or anyone to talk to I forgive myself for calling the police on my violent abusive sister because if I had any other way to manage that situation safely, if I could handle it, I would have, I didn't mean anyone any harm that day and I took back the statement very soon after even with my black eye

I refuse to live my life in the past, my actions back then when I had nobody to listen, or talk to, or feel warmth about aren't who I am or will be.

My past selves are not reflective of my whole future selves, I learned a lot of life lessons to apply. Not all good or all bad, shades of grey. I forgive myself for not having the language to express to my current partner how scared I am sometimes because of situations I've been through, don't want to ever repeat or what I've been told. I forgive myself for shutting down when I've been taught to be small, have no needs and stop talking. I am human I deserve to speak, my lack of words sometimes is not a lack of feeling. The opposite, when I feel I get scared they might make the other person reject me, it triggers my abandonment wound, as a kid I felt I needed my mum to guide, love, support me but she was her own depressed person with an abandonment wound herself, she is human and humans can make mistakes. Life lessons from my mum are not all good but they're not all bad, shades of grey. I have to know what I'm healing from in order to move on. I have the power to release myself from the shackles I put on myself, self limiting beliefs are the water getting into your ship to sink it. I want to keep scooping that negative energy out of my vessel, I want to mind my thoughts, think light thoughts and when life gets stormy I want to sit with myself in the rain until it feels safe to go in and find shelter. All I know is that now it hurts but it won't be forever, even when I hurt it's not all bad or all good, the hurt tells me what I don't like or need to change. The lessons that serve me I want to water, pay attention to, and the ones that don't will be politely discussed but politely discarded. Thanks but no thanks.

[tracer85s]

MDZS fics i treasure (2)

parts 1, 2, 3

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane

[explicit, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 71k, complete]

one of the classics. this is also the fic that got me into the whole mdzs fandom. i literally just searched up kid fic on ao3 and this one seemed promising... so i read it without knowing who tf lan wangji or wei wuxian are... fast forward a few months later and all i can think about is “wangxian are married and have a son.” THEY’RE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. now take that knowledge and add in modern wangxian as university music students who get married to take care of a-yuan and you’ve got yourselves this brilliant fic. also, i did not know you can endlessly pine for your own husband but with wangxian, anything’s possible

Neatly Arranged by thunderwear

[teen and up, lan wangji/wei wuxian, jiang yanli/jin zixuan, 45k, complete]

yes. i love arranged marriage wangxian fics okay ! they’re my guilty pleasure. this one’s unique because lwj’s actually bethrothed to jiang yanli and jin zixuan’s bethrothed to wwx which is actually kind of funny especially when jzx asks lwj if he wants to switch. it does get angsty but there’s a happy ending !

Night of Sixth Magnitude Stars by Leffy

[mature, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 22k, complete]

modern au with student lwj and teacher wwx although it’s only for the first chapter. THIS FIC. OH MY GOD. i literally got tricked, i thought it would be lighthearted and fluffy but the angst (specifically for wwx’s character) broke my heart. THE PLOT IS AMAZING, PLEASE READ IT

one good thing by Yuu_chi

[teen and up, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 26k, complete]

this one’s a classic, one of the first few mdzs fics i read and i absolutely love it. modern au with ghost wwx and house owner lwj *squeals* IT’S SO FLUFFY... and then gets quite a bit angsty at the end, i swear your heart stops at that scene. anyway it’s such a good read sigh,,, might re-read

Pigtail Pulling by protos_metazu_ison

[general, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 3k, complete]

whenever i’m feeling down, this fic always manages to cheer me up. it’s very lighthearted, just fluffy wangxian in cloud recesses: wwx teasing lwj and lwj teases back and absolutely flusters wwx. it’s just SO CUTE

Rush Hour by Ulan

[teen and up, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 3k, completed]

basically modern wangxian in public transport, pressed up against each other, with a dash of protective lwj and damsel in distress wwx. warning, there is minor sexual assault but the rest is just fluffy wangxian <3

seldom all they seem by Fahye

[explicit, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 24k, complete]

yes... another arranged marriage fic... i have nothing to say for myself. but this one’s just the usual fic with lwj finding wwx annoying at first and then pining so hard afterwards once he realizes wwx is his entire world. the author also changed the wwx escaping with the wens scene and OH MY GOD THEIR VERSION *chef’s kiss*. READ IT !

silhouettes to steal this night by moonsteps

[teen and up, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 51k, complete]

MODERN WANGXIAN AS ASSASSINS/HITMEN AND ROOMMATES. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO SAY. guys, they just flirt every time they’re assigned to the same hit i am literally crying. top tier fic as expected from moonsteps (read the rest of their works you won’t regret it at all).

so you’ve been robbed by a museum by yukla

[mature, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 5k, complete]

immortal cultivators wangxian in the modern world !! to summarize, wangxian somehow does *not* get their shit together in the ancient times and pine all the way into the 21st century until lwj sees an entire section of paintings of himself hanging in the museum... you can guess whose yearning-induced artistic creations those are ;)

soft-hearted by @sarah-yyy

[general, lan wanji/wei wuxian, 6k, complete]

are you wondering what happens if child lwj found child wwx in the streets and brought him back to gusu with him? this. this is what happens: SOFTNESS, FLUFF, AND WWX CALLING GEGE. i literally didn’t know how much i need childhood friends to lovers wangxian until i read this and every time wwx called lwj gege? hello? i was pretty sure i was going to burst into flames if i kept screaming. also, read the author’s wangxian rebuttable presumption verse on their page bc it’s absolutely genius oh my god i’m never going to shut up about the rp verse

take yourself home by ribena

[mature, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 26k, complete]

okay, this one is HEAVY. like you would seriously just want to wrap wwx in a blanket and feed him soup kind of heavy. to summarize, radio host lwj keeping plant dad wwx company with his voice and then himself once he moves into the same apartment as wwx. honestly, this one hits home for me, it will definitely make you sob but the ending is so hopeful and i need a sequel of just plant dads wangxian being domestic 

tame by rikke

[mature, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 11k, complete]

IMAGINE IF LWJ DID NOT LEAVE WWX AFTER THE XUANWU CAVE. just imagine oh my god, maybe they would’ve gotten their feelings resolved faster... or hatched a baby xuanwu, and wait what? yes, you read right. this fic is about xuanwu dads wangxian in yunmeng, it’s fluffy and funny and just a perfect lighthearted read if you’re having a bad day

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou

[explicit, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 66k, complete]

in which wwx travels to lanling alone for jin ling’s one month celebration and gets heavily injured, cue in very heavy hurt/comfort. warning, there’s major illness and surgery in this fic. so basically, lwj stays in the burial mounds to guard wwx and the wens while wwx recovers from his injury. LISTEN, burial mounds husbands wangxian and heavy hurt/comfort, what more do you need. go read it

The Lotus Defense Society by mondengel

[teen and up, lan wangji/wei wuxian, jiang yanli/jin zixuan, 3k, complete, only available for registered users of ao3]

i have lost count of how many times i’ve read this one, i love it so much. lwj and jzx bond over their mutual pining for wwx and jyl and accidentally starts a cult with nhs to prevent unsuitable people from courting them. where do i even begin with this fic, it’s literally so amazing !! very crack-y, my favourite line is “Young Master Jin!  It’s Lan Wangji! He’s enacting Phoenix Mountain Part 2!” and then what happens after is my favourite scene

the secret ingredient by queen_gee

[teen and up, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 8k, complete]

WWX BAKING FOR LWJ WHO HAS A SWEET TOOTH OH MY GOD I AM SOBBING. modern college/university wangxian with lots of pining and baking, i am literally banging my head against a table this is the sweetest fic, but they’re also idiots in love so there’s some light angst but you’ll literally melt at the ending !!

The Trials and Tribulations of a Modern Father by Bgtea

[teen and up, lan xichen/jiang wanyin, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 24k, complete]

written in jiang fengmian’s pov where jfm realizes jiang cheng attracts a lot of attention from... old men. cue in lan xichen and his charming smile and this spells trouble to jfm so he enlists wwx’s help in operation protect jiang cheng. endgame xicheng with side pairing wangxian, this is absolutely cute and very humorous

with you, I am home by tellthemstories

[mature, lan wangji/wei wuxian, 47k, complete]

MODERN CULTIVATORS WANGXIAN DECIDE TO FAKE DATE *SCREAMS*. slow burn (but not if you read it fast enough), the way they are so domestic in this one oh my god, a LOT of oblivious wwx, and lwj meeting the family. i’m a sucker for fake dating fics and this one is just SO right. i’m urging everyone to read it for self-care

[randomlynormalgirl]

wandavision episode 9 thoughts

!! SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY!!

- I was stressed the whole time but I really liked it. some parts felt a bit rushed but ultimately it was a nice ending

- the contrast between the battle between agatha and wanda compared to hex!vision and white vision just talking in the library like old scholars was hilarious

- wanda was deffo trying to get her children back in that end credit scene and i wanna know what happened to white vision

- I think it’s cool that Monica is literally being called up to space now that she can glow like they said in captain marvel

- wanda maximoff is a bad bitch and i love her

- wanda’s new outfit?? bitch i am LIVING

- I’m happy that Jimmy, darcy and Monica are okay

- evan peters being cast as a big boner joke was a punch to the gut at first but now i think its kinda funny and in line with evan peters as a person. he probably took the job based on that

- I’m sad about the twins and vision tho :( i really was an idiot for thinking they would survive the hex closing, especially the kids i got so attached

- no bc the whole scene where the hex closed was so sad I genuinely teared up, especially knowing that billy knew what was going on bc of his powers and still put on a brave face for his family. stg if they showed them ‘dying’ for lack of a better word i would have balled my eyes out

- so now i feel super guilty for not giving a shit about vision in infinity war but now it’s all i’ll be able to think about when i watch aou, cacw and iw

- marvel really did miss a trick though by not having ‘as the world caves in’ playing over that song because then i really would have been balling like a lil bitch

- apparently some fans are angry with the finale bc it didn’t live up to the theories they had in mind and they feel swindled? the only reason you’re upset is bc you wasted time on a dead end theory and that’s ok lmao get over it. It’s not the shows fault that you raised your own expectations by creating convoluted theories and ideas based off little Easter eggs yk

- sometimes Easter eggs don’t mean anything except a nod to the fans like an inside joke yk and the people that take it so seriously just ruin it for themselves and it can be so harmful, i mean we’ve seen what happens in the star wars fandom

- at the end of the day this series was about wanda and vision and their story and showing wanda’s grief and trauma and exploring their dynamic as a couple. this show wasn’t meant to introduce things like mephisto or split open the multiverse or bring in the x men or fantastic four. kevin feige even said that in the disney + shows nothing too major will happen/be revealed because he knows a lot of fans will still only watch the movies. it is your fault as the viewer for getting your hopes up so high and believing all rumours and reading into tiny details that lead to you being so disappointed, even though nothing was promised to you

TL:DR the finale was good, and a good end to this section of wanda’s arc and was great for setting up some major aspects of phase 4 and I’m super excited to see what marvel does next, especially with fatws and the Loki series

[daftpunkselectroma]

pls tell us your lonely!Breekon thoughts I would love to hear them !!

ALRIGHT okay so this is in NO WAY going to be super organized because i am very sleepy however i will break this down into two sections. i won’t be talking about him in s5 bc reat @/cryptidprynt already made a very good post about how breekon should’ve been handled in s5 and i could not do that post justice

pre-unknowing

okay so it’s been established that out of the two, breekon’s the one who’s more of the... thinker of the two, as opposed to hope being the one who’s very action oriented seeing how quick he is to resort to violence. the way i think of it i feel like breekon has considered things going very wrong before! he’s prone to thinking about how They Both Could Die, and even thought about the possibility about just one of them dying but. he never dwells on those types of thoughts for long because the thought of being away from hope (or vice versa) hurts him so much. thinking about a world without hope is a very lonely thing, which then leads into the next part that is far more thought out

post-unknowing

okay god where do i start. 128 speaks for itself. he’s lost all of his purpose without hope! he’s just wandering around aimlessly, nothing to deliver, no one to talk to, nothing to live for. this is literally the worst case scenario, his nightmare about being separated came true! i could go on a whole tangent about how guilty he feels about letting hope die and how that feeds into his loneliness, but i do not have the words for that right now so you will just have to trust me on this. after 128 happened i feel like. he acts a lot like martin in season 4. as in the isolation aspects and generally just trying to distance himself from... humanity in general. what else can he do? he doesn’t have anything to keep him going! so once he’s thrown out of the institute, he decides to just essentially drop off the face of the earth and it Works. this is where the lonely properly gets him i think, and he doesn’t do anything to fight it off. might as well just give in at this point, he’s got nothing else to lose

[soysaucecas]

oooh for the ask game 24, 30, and 44!

MAGPIE MY BELOVED HELLO

24. What are your favorite episodes?

The only episodes I've really watched are TMWWBK (which is my favorite episode and I'm certain would still be my favorite if I watched every single one because it has the only SPN character and the only SPN line), The French Mistake (which was funny enough but honestly in the Just Okay category for me, which makes me pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy actually watching SPN if this is one of the funniest/highest-rated eps), and Reading Is Fundamental (my best friend was watching it and asked me if I wanted to hop on Discord, I thought it might be fun to see Kevin's first introduction but instead this ep found the two of us taking like 90 minutes to get through it bc we kept pausing and screaming (derogatory) as the model minority stereotype jokes piled up and up and up... Unfortunately not a favorite even if we got Meg AND the "pull my finger" joke AND the "Sorry" shot). Other than TMWWBK, from clipping and transcript-reading, I like Wayward Sisters (who doesn't?), The Things We Left Behind (Claire!!!! Cas trying to be a dad! The diner scene aka my favorite destiel scene of all time bc being in love just looks so good on Cas! Also the parallels between Claire and Randy and teen Dean and the adults at that club in his story... woof.), Golden Time (Eileen gets to be HERE and be sad and loved and fight people with ghost powers and Cas gets to do a cool speech and a stabbing and do the Asian community a favor), and Lucifer Rising (just immensely sexy on all counts for Ruby, Sam, Cas, and myself). Also I am SO fond of Steve!Cas so I'll add Heaven Can't Wait even if I barely know anything about it.

30. What is an unpopular opinion or headcanon you have about the show?

Ooh okay hm I think. So I adore confession scene, but I don't think the "I cared about the whole world because of you" is like. The Objective Truth the way that most bloggers seem to take it. Cas was lobotomized tons of times before he met Dean, he was described as coming off the line with a crack in his chassis, he's always been the weird little angel who likes humanity too much! I don't think Dean came first, and although gay love was part of what helped Cas invent free will, he *Ruby voice* didn't need the feather to fly, Dumbo! I do think Cas believes what he says in the moment, but I also think he sorta... made himself believe it? This is probably just me deciding that cas-coding should go both ways, but like. I very much crush as a coping mechanism and I very much overascribe my actions to love because it simply seems more noble/poetic to do so. Being miserable because school is hard is cringefail but being miserable because of unrequited love is Good Shit. And I have been in unrequited love with my best friend for at least 7 years (probably 9 but I didn't realize it earlier) and if you asked I would 100% say that she taught me love and defined love for me and that she will be my first and last, but I also know that that is not entirely true; it's just the narrative that I like for myself. And I think that being in an Empty deal contingent on whether or not he LETS himself feel happy would lead Cas to do plenty of mental maneuvering, which I think involved intentional self-poor-little-meow-meow-ification via overascribing his choices and happiness to Dean (and I also think he'd already been doing that for a while just because of personal self-worth issues and because it's a nice narrative). I know as Cas's last Moment on the show it was probably written to be The Objective Truth, but I am perceiving him and I say no.

44. If you could write an episode of Supernatural, what would happen?

Oh scream okay! This is a fun one! I am going to start out with two ideas from other people:

1. Months ago Nate from the pocnatural discord had the idea of an episode from the "monster"'s perspective where the Winchesters are just clearly the antagonists while not doing anything different than they usually do. I think the idea was that all these supernatural beings live in a self-regulating community together and we have one Very Likable pov character who's a member of this community, but one of the newer members messes up one day and kills someone and the Winchesters come on a case and wreak havoc on this Very Much Functioning (there was going to be a whole rehab and reparations thing for the new member who messed up!) system and kill pov character and in the end you just HATE Sam and Dean for it.

2. It's hard to adapt anything from bad moon rising (aka my favorite spn fic) very well because the point of an Arab Winchesters season 1 rewrite is that it doesn't really work with the white characters we have now, but I think I could see a version of chapter 2 adapted as long as Haley (an Ojibwe hunter who lives in the area affected by what Sam and Dean are hunting) takes the lead. I'd especially like to see this section:

Dean laughs, a little disbelievingly. The question has never crossed his mind. “Do you like it?”

This gives Haley no pause at all. “Yeah,” she says. “I mean, it’s not really about killing monsters, though, for me. Or, it’s not always about killing monsters. It’s about community. Not violence. It’s a spiritual thing to build a home, you know?”

“Oh,” Dean says. He can’t think of anything else to say. It has never crossed his mind before that hunting could be compatible with a community.

I don't have any original episode ideas to add to the hunting discourse, so we're on to my ideas about character-driven eps. I think I would like to see a version of my sastiel possession fic (ty again for beta-ing that! you're a real one) as an ep around the time of 9.11 because Sam deserves to work through their trauma, but idk what the Dean plot should be for that. Another thing I would like very much is TFW drunk history storytime (so like. Tall Tales bass boosted), where for some reason they all need to go over what they were doing during Stanford era but each of them is telling someone else's story. It's gonna be either Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam or Dean->Sam->Cas->Dean. It starts out very funny (they all have terrible wigs and makeup in the flashbacks. Cas is Jimmy wearing a giant mask with googly eyes on it.) but as it goes on it gets increasingly sad how much these three don't really know each other.

In the Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam episode, Sam's telling of Dean's past veers wildly between "crushing pussy and killing things" and "feels like absolute shit all the time" and it's funny but Not Right and afterwards Dean goes "I didn't know you thought of me that way" and Sam says "... I am basically reading off the voicemails you left me back then" and Dean has to sit there and contend with the mythology he himself wrote for Sam to believe in. Dean->Cas provides the comedic beats for the episode as Dean awkwardly narrates Cas's Life As A Weird Little Guy who watches trees grow and heals babies and in the end Dean goes "so how did I do" and Cas is like "well actually I was either getting lobotomized or murdering people so like 3/10?" The moral of this plot line is that Dean is bi. Cas gives a fairly faithful retelling of Sam living her trans little life at Stanford and veering between trying to be Normal and being a total weirdgirl and feeling guilty and angry and happy and free. It becomes clear that Cas admires Sam a lot (but also feels like. guilt and some self-recrimination for not being that) for rebelling from their dad and exploring their queerness during a time Cas was still to his knowledge in total soldier mode, and Sam is having an a_good_soldier's Thesis 5 moment about how she failed the kid she used to be and how very sorry they are about all the things that happened to them, and Dean hates that this is the first he's hearing about so much of this but is also quite emo about the parts where Sam is struggling. The ep ends with them all in the same room not looking at each other and not knowing if they want to group hug or never talk again.

Dean->Sam->Cas episode is similar but the storytelling dissolves a lot faster as it becomes clearer way faster how much their own emotions are getting in the way. Dean is upset that Sam could leave their family so easily and probably swing a normal life, Sam keeps wondering what it would be like to live millennia just KNOWING that you were right and good and clean, and Cas is gay and veering between fitting Dean's life into a larger Righteous Man narrative and just being very tender (and sad and angry) about Dean's pain. Episode ends in a rather cathartic shouting match where they all end up apologizing to each other for many things.

Oh also I would like to see Cassie again but I don't have an episode in mind there. Also would love to see Kaia adjusting to life in Sioux Falls and befriending the others and dealing with Bad Place trauma.

tysm for the questions sorry for taking so long!

(ask game)

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

Ninjago/Avatar au Pt6

The second half of Book 2 (hopefully)

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

So Garm finally reads the letter from Wu. It starts off as a normal pseudo-journal entry, but after it mentions finding the Garms old armor, but no body, it turns into more of a normal letter. Wu says that he’s missed his brother since he was banished, and that he hopes that they’ll be able to see eachother again soon if Garm is alive, and ends with Wu saying that he normally burns the letters he writes to Garm, so that no-one else finds them, but that he feels hopeful that this one could actually get to him. It’s touching stuff.

Lloyd picks up earthbending almost immediately, unlike Aang. The element Lloyd is going to struggle to learn is fire (if you don’t count his airbending being self-taught. He picked up airbending really, really fast, but bc he’s been making stuff up and trying to do what Maya did with her waterbending [Maya’s had decades to hone her style tho, not just three-ish years, but he’s like someone learning ballet only from YouTube, for only a couple of months] since there are no more airbenders [or so they think, bc none of them saw Morro airbend at the North Pole]), and I’ll get into why that is when it comes up. They haven’t had Garm start to teach Lloyd any firebending bc they’re trying to go in the order as much as they can, but Garm has finally convinced Kai to learn more than just the basics, and he picks it up really quickly.

Meanwhile, Morro is taking care of an injured Wu (and accidentally making him suffer through poorly-made tea). Now, Morro is onboard with Wu wanting to leave the Fire Nation behind; unlike Zuko, Morro isn’t trying to win back the favor of some distant parent, the only family he’s ever known is Wu, and he’s not about to abandon Wu for a bunch of people who would probably kill him as soon as they could no matter what he did for them, and Harumi made it clear that no-one in the Fire Nation is going to be extending them any mercy.

Once Wu wakes up, Morro does yell at him for doing something as stupid as taking a hit from a well-trained firebender to protect a stranger (Wu hadn’t gotten around to telling Morro ‘hey, you know that guy with the big burn scar who’s traveling with the Avatar? That’s my dead-but-not-really-dead older brother. Pls stop trying to stab him’, and Morro wasn’t there when Garm revealed his identity in the North Pole), until Wu tells him that Garm is his brother. This leads to Morro yelling out ‘You mean to tell me that the Avatar is my cousin?!?!’ And that how Wu learns that Lloyd is Garms son (’wait, what?’ ‘Have you really gone this long without noticing that the Avatar calls your brother his dad?’ ‘I’ve had a lot on my mind, give me a break!’), and now he thinks that Garm and Maya are married with three kids, one of whom is the Avatar.

They make their way to Ba Sing Se, with the help of the White Lotus. Wu isn’t the leader of them (he isn’t super old in this au, imagine what he looked like in S9, with the mustache), but he is a fairly respected member. I still haven’t come up with a Jet character who would work, and I am open to suggestions. If I do find a good character, they will definitely throw hands with Morro (mb Shade? Just cut out the romance subplot in S1 and pick a couple of EM’s to be the other freedom fighters?). And yes, Wu does get his tea shop in the upper ring (Steep Wisdom), and Morro tries to be happy and supportive, but even though he is fine leaving the Fire Nation with Wu, it does still feel like he wasted years of his life, both in chasing the Avatar and just trying to prove himself to everyone back in the Palace, so he’s pretty grumpy.

Now back to Team Avatar: at Maya and Garms insistence the kids have been picking out their little mini-vacations. They know that they only have a limited amount of time before the comet arrives, but Garm and Maya want these kids to be able to be, y’know, kids, at least a little bit, in spite of the fact that they’re growing up in a war-torn world. Kai want’s to check out that glacier-spring place by the desert, it’s kinda underwhelming, but they get fruity drinks out of it. This whole time Kai and Cole have been getting closer to each other. Kai feels a little guilty, like he’s betraying Zane’s memory, but talking to Maya and Garm about it does help him start to feel better, and it helps his over-protectiveness start to abate a little.

Jay wants to pick a really cool mini-vacation to impress Nya, and he asks the people who are in the glacier place if there’s any place around those parts, and ends up learning that about a year ago some lady showed up saying something about a huge spirit library in the desert that she was looking for. They never saw her again after that, and figure that she must have died out in the desert. When pressed (and payed) one of the artistically inclined staff members roughly recreated the sketch of the library, and vaguely remembered the area on the map she said she was going to search, and with that Jay has his mini-vacation picked out.

They set off and find the library. Cole chooses to stay outside with Ultra (who can’t fit inside) bc he thinks they’ll be safer if the only earthbender stays outside incase something goes wrong, and if they need to get out of there fast he’d only slow them down with his legs. Everybody else heads into the library and meet Wan Chi Tong (did I spell that right? I’m too lazy to check), who agrees to let them use the library if they 1) don’t intend to use the contents of the library against anyone else and 2) contribute something to his library.

Lloyd and Nya both use their wanted posters (they both thought they were awesome [Lloyd bc he’s 13 and Nya bc you can’t convince me that Nya wouldn’t be thrilled to have a wanted poster bc she’s been fucking with a tyrannical regime] and incredibly accurate considering the art had to have been done by someone using other people’s descriptions, and they totally intend on framing and hanging at least a few of their posters up in their rooms when all this is over), Kai has a copy of a poem that Zane wrote for him, Garm has his brothers letter (he doesn’t want to give it up, but he has nothing else), Jay has a blueprint from one of his inventions, and Maya has a copy of a story in a series that Koko had brought back to the South Pole over the years. Wan Chi Tong comments that about a year ago a researcher had arrived and had offered him another part of the the same series. He mentions that they should be careful, as she never left, and has been primarily researching the Avatar.

Everyone has an idea of who this mysterious researcher could be (except Jay), but they decide to be cautious all the same, just incase she isn’t who they think she is. They all start discreetly searching for anything that could be used to help them fight the Fire Nation, and they end up finding and empty placard saying something about ‘the Darkest Day in Fire Nation History’, but when they go to check part of the section on Fire Nation (that library was enormous, y’all cannot tell me that Zhao was able to destroy absolutely everything that the library had on the Fire Nation. It could only have been the last few decades/mb centuries of Fire Nation history), as well as a campsite that was full of scrolls having to do with the Avatar and different bending techniques (and a few misc scrolls about random things like cooking, engineering, etc). As they’re poking around the campsite, who else comes around the corner but Koko!

She has her nose buried in a scroll as she’s walking, so she doesn’t notice them all until Lloyd happily calls out ‘Mom!’, and goes in for a hug. Koko drops the scroll and has a happy reunion with her son and husband, as well as with Maya, Kai, and Nya, and she and Jay are introduced to each other. Koko explains that she’s been able to stay in the library so long was bc she managed to get the fox assistants to like her enough to start bringing her food and water. She also explains that she’s been doing nonstop research into the Avatar State, the Air Nomads and airbending, and the Fire Nation (though she’s really quiet about that part so they don’t catch Wan Chi Tongs attention and ire) and shows them that planetarium thing and that she discovered the eclipse. (How did she make it out to the library without a flying companion or something? SHe’s just that much of a badass.)

Koko had been saving up supplies and charting a course out of the desert, and planning to leave the library as soon as she could, but now that they’ve showed up with Ultra she can just grab her things and go. Someone, probably Jay, gets a little too vocal about how they have a chance to beat the Fire Nation, and cue Wan Chi Tong sinking the library and trying to add them to his ‘collection of specimen’. Garm and Koko are a dynamic duo, with Garm distraction the angry spirit while Koko gathers all of her scrolls and supplies together while Maya gets the kids to the exit.

Meanwhile, Cole is holding up the library, and trying to help Ultra fend off the sandbenders that showed up to capture and sell the dragon. Cole is able to put up a bit more of a fight than Toph was (meaning that he was able to get one or two good hits in) bc being in the desert doesn’t impair his vision (the sand does tank his mobility just as much as it would anyone with prosthetic legs tho), but he isn’t able to stop them or even hold them off long enough for everyone else to get out. Cole, despite being initially afraid of the large dragon, had quickly grown to be one of Ultras favorite people in their group (like, third favorite. Kai will never admit that he’s jealous), and is pretty upset that he wasn’t able to save him. More on Ultra later.

So Lloyd is really upset about losing his companion, just as much as Aang was. He doesn’t act out (for lack of a better word) as intensely as Aang, since Ultra wasn’t the last thing he had left of his people like Appa was for Aang, but Lloyd is still rightfully pissed off. He takes off shakily on his glider, leaving everyone behind before trying to search for Ultra and the sandbenders, ignoring his families protests. Koko starts working on getting them out of the desert using the route she had plotted out (using the sun and shadows to orient them and get started in the right direction), and starts planing out how long her food and water (she had the good sense to bring those from the library) will last between all of them. The answer is: not long enough.

Kai (and mb Jay too) is the one who has the bright idea to drink the cactus juice, bc while Kai, like Sokka, (and Jay tbh) is smart enough to know that drinking a strange liquid out of an unfamiliar plant is a bad idea,but the fact that it is a stupid idea doesn’t stop him. Wait, y’know what? Jay definitely tries the cactus juice, but instead of acting as out-of-it and inebriated as Kai does, he acts like he does in S9, weirdly chill and disconnected from reality. He’s still tripping balls, but he’s reacting to it differently from Kai. Cole just ends up carrying Kai piggy-back, even though the sand makes it harder for him to move (he’s crushing, and he’s the only one [adults included] whose physically strong enough to carry him for long periods of time) (also Kai awkwardly and drunkenly flirts with him. Everyone pretends not to notice for Coles sake) and everyone else takes turns holding onto Jays wrist and leading him through the desert or else he would have wandered off and died.

Lloyd gets back to them, landing hard in the sand, holding back tears bc even though he’s upset and could use a good cry he knows that they need to conserve as much water as they can. He’s got his family there to comfort him (even if Kai and Jay are kinda incapacitated atm), which does help him a bit, but he’s still rightfully upset. They find the abandoned sandbender skipper thing, find the vulturewasp hive, and come across the sandbenders. Cole is able to pinpoint the sandbender (no idea who this guy would be, Ninjago character wise) who lead the others to take Ultra via his voice bc Cole a) was trained in a myriad of performing arts thanks to his father, primarily singing b) has perfect pitch and c) never forgets a voice bc of that.

Lloyd goes full Avatar State, but is comforted and calmed down by his parents while everyone else books it. The sandbenders tell them that they sold Ultra to some guys who were going to take him to Ba Sing Se, and then they take them out of the desert (with the sandbenders getting the Death Glare from all of Team Avatar the whole way. Koko totally punches the sandbender who lead the others to steal Ultra once they’re out of the desert.)

They make their way to Ba Sing Se on foot, with Lloyd trying to get a handle on his emotions (and worrying everyone in the process), and they run into a family with an expecting mother/wife (I am also taking suggestions for who these characters could be. I’m pretty tired while typing this so I can’t think of anyone) and try and get on a ferry to Ba Sing Se. Cole, whose father is well known and wealthy, uses that fact, his double amputee status (he ‘accidentally’ slips out of one of his prosthetics. Kai catches him before he hits the ground), and his acting skills to get them tickets without passports.

And we get best girl Pixal back! She helps Team Avatar help the pregnant family go through the Serpents Pass, and it goes pretty similar to cannon, except instead of a situation where Sokka is overprotective of Suki, Jay picks up on how much Pixal likes Nya, and sees that Nya, his crush, reciprocates those feelings, and gets a bit passive-aggressive w/everyone, but Pixal especially. It doesn’t last long, bc Jay is a hormonal teenager who realizes he’s being a dick fairly quickly, but it does help fizzle his crush on Nya a bit (sorry again to any hardcore Jaya shippers who were hoping for that in this au, but it’s really not my cup of tea).

They also help deliver the couples baby, but Maya and Koko are the ones helping take care of that. Team Avatar get to the outer wall, just to see a huge Fire Nation drill heading closer and closer to the wall, ready to start tearing through it...

[eintsein]

Stay Energized in the Winter!

I live in Ithaca now, and at this time of year, the sun’s up for like 8-9 hours a day, and it’s cold and dark, and you often find yourself not wanting to do anything. However, I still need to keep up with my studies, and I’m sure some of you are faced with a similar problem. So, I’ve gathered some of the things I do to help me stay energized throughout a winter day.

Understand your energy levels and work with them

I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect yourself to be able to do as much work or be as energized in the colder months as you do in warmer months.

For example, maybe in the summer/fall, you could survive with 5 hours of sleep and more intense work sessions, but in the winter, you might need more breaks and more sleep, and trying to resist that might result in the further deterioration of your energy levels. If you don’t already, try taking a midday break.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for having to recharge. You’ll be more productive afterwards.

Get enough sunlight

Exposure to sunlight boosts your mood by increasing your body’s serotonin levels - one of the happy hormones. It makes you more alert, energized, and prevents you from getting Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

My advice is to spend as much daylight time doing things so you can do them the most productively. Even if you’re more inclined to do things later in the day, at least push forward some of the things on your daily routine, or rearrange them in such a way that you get as much sunlight possible.

This semester - unfittingly called the ‘spring’ semester - I tried to schedule my classes as early as possible, even though I generally get sluggish in the afternoon and then work better in the evening. This is because I want to have time to do my work - or at least be out - while the sun’s still up.

Exercise where you can

It’s so hard to exercise outdoors in this weather, but I still see people going for jogs around campus, or hitting the gym. Personally, I just do some stretching and light exercise in my room.

Alternatively, if you take the bus, get off a stop early then walk the rest of the way (unless there’s terrible weather like a snowstorm or something where being outside is harmful). The key thing is that you get yourself moving, especially in the morning - you’ll be more productive and happier throughout the day.

Shower

I know the winter’s cold and you don’t feel like you have to take a shower, especially since it can make your skin dry. However, it’s a great energy booster, especially in the morning. Showering in the morning improves your blood flow and alertness, and reduces your stress levels throughout the day. If you don’t have time in the morning, shower in the evening, so you’ll have more energy after the sun goes down..

Make plans or have something to look forward to

Nothing is more draining than knowing that you have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to. You’ll probably just end up in your bed watching Netflix all day, which, let’s face it, might be fun at first but turns out to be a hell of an energy drainer. Go out to eat, study with someone, or at least watch something together.

Indulge yourself

Curl up with a good book. Watch your favorite show. Play some tunes while you sketch your favorite characters or OCs. It’s the winter, you deserve a little break to recover. If you don’t relax every now and then, you won’t be able to work as intensely and focus as hard as you want or need to.

Also, although it’s great to eat healthy, but a cup of hot cocoa or a muffin once in a while is fine and makes you happier in that moment.

Work on an indoor hobby

You’re going to spend a lot of time indoors, might as well use that time usefully (aside from schoolwork or other obligations). I like doing creative things like digital art, journaling, or bullet journaling while listening to a podcast, or reading - these types of activities are the most energizing for me.

You don’t need to do the things I listed - the point is, you should use your time indoors wisely, since during other parts of the year, you’ll probably be out a lot more.

Listen to the right music

I don’t know what y’all listen to but music is an awesome energy booster if you can align it with how you’re feeling. You know how sometimes you listen to a certain type of music and your mind just feels like it’s hovering there, like it’s slightly repelled by the music but you also don’t really hate it, and you just end up feeling unfulfilled afterwards? (That was a trash explanation but I hope you understand what I mean.) Yeah don’t do that.

During the day, listen to music that keeps you awake and energized - it could be hard hitting rock or dance-y pop or maybe even something mellow. Whatever it is, don’t try to counter it. I like to listen to roaring guitars in the morning, and slow jazz in the evening, and that works for me.

Get enough sleep (‘enough’ might be more than you usually get)

During the winter, you can take advantage of the cold and cozy weather to get more sleep. I know it’s tempting to keep working until you finish all your tasks, but if it means sacrificing your sleep, you’ll only end up depriving yourself of your already low levels of energy. Also, make sure you get good quality sleep so that you’ll be as energized as possible the next morning.

However, don’t get too much sleep. This morning, I came into math class, and my friend was like ‘you look really tired today, is something wrong?’ and no, there was nothing wrong. It’s just that this morning, I chose to sleep in until 8 when I usually wake up at 7, meaning I slept more than I should have. Too much sleep just makes you feel groggy once you wake up.

During the day, take a power nap if you have to, but don’t extend it for too long that your sleep inertia kicks in and you can’t get up anymore.

Focus on your food

I think the food we eat - and how we eat it - is a huge factor in maintaining our energy levels during these cold, dark months. So here���s an entire section about food-related strategies to combat the winter blues.

1. Eat well

Winter might tempt you to eat bulky food and sweets, but they’re not that beneficial to your productivity and energy levels. Sugary foods actually cause you to be sleepy during the day and reduce the quality of your sleep at night. Instead, opt to eat foods that contain

Vitamin C - like in fruits and vegetables - to boost your energy levels; and

Vitamin B12 - like fish, milk, and eggs - to reduce fatigue

2. Have good eating habits (don’t skip breakfast!)

In college especially, a lot of people skip breakfast - and sometimes even lunch - only to overeat during dinnertime. However, having a good breakfast - especially one with protein, fiber, and whole grains - will increase your ability to focus and boost your productivity throughout the day. Maybe you’re the type of person who tends to skip breakfast - the winter’s a great time to pick up the habit of having a morning meal. Recently, I’ve been having peanut butter and acai overnight oats - nutritious and convenient.

3. Have caffeine at the right time (if you consume any)

Studies show that the most effective time to have caffeine is between 9:30 to 11:30 am. Even if you have breakfast before that, I recommend waiting a little while before you sip your cup of coffee or whatever source of caffeine you take. You can always bring a cup to class or wherever you’re headed to at that time.

In the evening, I recommend having a cup of tea. Some teas contain enough caffeine to keep you alert but not prevent you from sleeping at night. My favorite is green tea, but other teas like oolong or black tea work just as well.

4. Snack (a little)

But not too much. A single square of chocolate or a couple crackers are great mood boosters, and it even improves cognitive functioning. You could even have a cup of tea along with your snack, which is doubly energizing.

That’s all I have for you now. Feel free to drop an ask or message me if you have any questions, and I hope the rest of the winter goes great for you!

p.s. wml bc I heard the winters here last till April

[fallingin-like]

november 5

paper skies by @allforthebee [requested by @annawrites]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a fic with absolutely amazing descriptions and imagery. featuring librarian!andrew and a lot of introspection. the writing is so beautiful, i could not possibly capture how it made me feel in words. this fic was so so good.

this fic is so beautiful. i was intrigued by what you meant by it being a love letter to Bluets but now i understand. i’ve started to read a free preview of Bluets (on google books) and i think i’m falling in love with it too. it’s the kind of book that you need a physical copy of. i immediately looked up where i could purchase a copy. the cover is so nice (i’m seeing the one that’s all blue with the square in the middle) i was disappointed that none of the stores within a reasonable distance stock this. i think i love the colour blue too. it seems everytime i read something about it, i feel it. this fic, Bluets, and one other fic, “where everything is good”. it also seems to fit andrew well.

parts that i especially liked (it’s almost embarrassing that i’m almost quoting the whole fic):

”he stares at the seam for a moment, before deciding he likes it. he makes a mental note to tell bee. she likes when he tells her things like that.” i like that this version of andrew lets himself like things. i like that he knows bee well enough to know what she likes and i like that he wants to do things that he likes. i especially like that he acknowledges that he is capable of doing things that other people like. sometimes i find that people in the fandom (myself included) are guilty of forgetting that andrew experiences emotion. that he experienced it before meeting neil and he experiences it after (even when neil is not around). it makes me feel like this is a softer version of andrew, but i realise that this is just andrew. we don’t know what he’s thinking during the series but even though he doesn’t emote often, he must have thoughts like these.

”he doesn’t understand why books aren’t organized by colour. andrew could tell more about a book by the dye of its sleeve than the content of its pages.” can you imagine? this would make a library so beautiful. i really like this

”he moves onto fiction, starting with z because sometimes going backwards is less overwhelming.” YEs

”he doesn’t trust the blues that can’t decide whether or not they want to be blue. they leave behind a residue, and andrew feels the weight of them long after he’s washed his hands” the way you describe this is so good. i feel this even if i don’t fully understand it

”he’s not the type to have a collection of blue coloured things at home, but if he sees a particularly striking bouquet of forget-me-nots, or the rough swells of cobalt sea, he’ll pause and allow himself the moment to exist” this feels very much like andrew. i love the last part of this. i think i need to practice this as well, seeing something that is lovely and pausing and allowing myself the moment to exist.

”because, in the twenty-six years andrew had been alive, he’d come to find that blues hurt the most. because, in a world that insists nothing meant anything unless you let it, andrew had been quick to learn everything meant something whether you want it to or not.” this makes me hurt, too. sometimes things are too beautiful, you love too much, you let yourself fear, and it hurts more for it. the wording of this is so nice.

“post-google dust rises from the shelf, and andrew makes a face” this is a great example of the amazing humour that you incorporate in this fic. it’s funny and lightens the fic, but doesn’t feel out of place.

”three years ago, andrew sat across the table from a boy who looked just like him, only to walk out and leave him behind” i really really like the way you wrote this, but i can’t describe it. the words you chose are perfect.

”he didn’t know how disappointing andrew could be” oh no andrew. (but also, this hits a bit different bc it’s too close to what my own inner monologue sounds like sometimes. it makes me feel exposed and raw and also not as alone as i previously felt)

”oh, andrew thought. this is what blue feels like” THIS HURTS.

”and so he bounced from house to house, painting himself with bruises, in the hopes that he would find someone out there who loved the colour blue” ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHhhh

”if someone tears a line into their carpet and no one is there to witness it, does it still hurt?” if someone tears lines into themselves and no one is there to witness it, does it still hurt? (i do not know the answer to this.)

”he starts to fidget when he stays in one place for too long, like he’s afraid his bones will sprout leaves if he’s rooted in one place” i don’t want be too bold in my interpretations of your work, but to me this feels like something andrew has learned from his time as a child. the longer he stays in a home, the deeper his roots are, the more hopeful he becomes, the more it hurts when he is forced to move.

i love your descriptions of the sky. they’re gorgeous.

”there’s a song in his head, but he doesn’t remember the words” i really like that you added this sentence.

”summer lightning shatters the sky, and andrew shivers electric blue” this imagery is amazing. you have such a way with words that something so simple has such impact

this concept of the difference between liking things that don’t change vs things that stay the same. i see myself in this. ever since i was a child, i’ve been very resistant and afraid of change. i think i do prefer things that don’t change, but i’ve never thought about it this much.

”after all, if all you’ve ever known is change, then that’s staying the same, no? and, from what you’ve told me, blue is always changing.” oh

”andrew’s mouth goes a little slack. pretty.” THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO SOFT.

i cannot believe that neil walks in, andrew immediately thinks he’s pretty, then absolutely refuses to respond to him. what an icon

”there’s intent in labels, and andrew doesn’t want for anything” ahhh

ANDREW STAMPS THE SAME CARD FIVE TIMES

“neil josten, he mouths, tasting sea water” i read this and just marvel for the thousandth time at how good you are at writing

”andrew debates painting the walls with blue glitter-glue” CAN YOU IMAGINE. ANDREW ON A LADDER PAINTING THE WALLS WITH BLUE GLITTER

”i’m pretty sure i learned the alphabet in kindergarten” neil, you’re killing me.

andrew’s library must be so beautiful! it has stained glass? amazing.

”makes me feel like more than i am” this is how this fic makes me feel.

SORRY ANDREW PUSHES NEIL AROUND ON HIS CART THAT’S SO ADORABLE

can you believe that andrew kept neil’s license in his pocket for WEEKS. he must have changed pants during that time and just, ‘whoop gotta bring neil’s id bc what if he visitssss’

i can’t believe that you forced me to look at the standard error of regression slope and standard error of difference of sample means with my own eyes. what terrible formulae. i like math, but these are really just The Worst

”andrew’s world has been reduced to a rainbow pack of post-it notes, and somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to miss blue”

”andrew feels raw, like a blossoming bruise. he gets this way after his sessions with bee. the truth is a dirty fighter, and it leaves him ugly and sore for days. he should’ve known blue always comes back” there are no words that exist that i could use to sufficiently respond to this. i can only say that this is so special, these are the kinds of sentences that stay with you

”they stay like that for a while, neil kissing away the taste of blue until andrew’s left tasting bright orange” !!!

did you know, my favourite type of gummy bear is the blue ones?

i love the integration of quotes from the book into this fic. they work very well in separating the fic in sections and help establishing the tone. there are so many good quotes/numbers in Bluets, i’m curious how you chose which to include? and of these, how did you choose what part of each number to use? 

this fic is amazing. i’ve read it before in the past and now that i’m coming back to comment on it, i do not know why i have never commented before. this is something special. you have humour that fits so well with your style of writing. you make writing seem so easy, it’s as if the words have always existed and just needed to be written down. what a pleasure to read. my brain is not good at producing imagery while i read, but it seemed like i watched this fic play out instead of reading it. everything is so vivid and realistic and you pick out just the right details, you add just the right sentence. it makes me more aware of what i am feeling and the absence of feeling (i repress a lot of emotions lol) this fic makes me want so bad. this is the kind of fic that i will think about long after i have read it. it’s so raw and intense and real and it feels very true to andrew.

one of my favourite parts of this fic is how you use your word choice, tone, pacing, and quotes. you are a very skilled writer. when i read this everything around and inside of me goes quiet.

thank you so much for writing this.

[archiesfagfantasy]

2,12,23

Make a 5 song playlist of guilty pleasure songs

short king anthem 🙃 (worst part of this is i’m not even short)

throne by bmth, objectively there’s nothing guilty about it but there exists a very embarrassing video of a indie cover of it by 14 yo me. also bmth made my teen depression so much worse. fuck bmth

get dat fetus kill dat fetus from bojack horseman LMAO. Sextina Aquafina did NOT need to go that hard

gonna include dorian electra in this section, just like in general. like i love them.. but i wouldnt play ‘em around ppl who dont already know of them unless it were a ytv. special mention of “guyliner.” that song fucks

wait wait THOS MOSER!! thos moser by gupi n fraxiom. genuinely a bit shit to listen to, as it should be 😍

okay this has basically just turned into my FUCK ""genre"" all my homies HATE genre playlist whoops

Currently if you could listen to 3 songs forever what would they be?

first off obviously gotta pick a mitski song. who would i be without mitski. there’s a bunch i love but brand new city is the most dash-my-head-again-the-rocks if y’kno what i mean ??

more recent addition to eternal favs is head rot by adia victoria. i no joke listened to this for 8 consecutive hours per day for a whole week. similar vibe to brand new city tbh, yes i do have them in a playlist together it’s called “songs to pull the bath plug to” bc emotionally i feel like i am being sucked down the sink when i listen to it 

miserere mei deus by gregorio allegri. gotta loves a bit of gregorian chant. 

5 friends and the song you associate them with

american boy by estelle reminds me of my year 9 “friend” group. basically the group dissolved after one of them started doing mdma and acid at school daily and then dropping out. we later found out she ended up joining an actual nazi gang. so every time i hear this song i’m like “oh. that was fucked up”

[selfcallednowhere]

February 3, 2018 Dallas, TX

They opened with "James K. Polk." This surprised me--I expected them to keep doing it during the Quiet Storm section cos that was what they did the previous two nights. I'm honestly feeling pretty burned out on this song live after seeing it a million times--seeing it done acoustically during Quiet Storm was different enough to keep me interested, but when it's just the normal arrangement I am yeh rather sick of it.

Next they played "Damn Good Times," the second song all three nights on this trip, which I very much am not sick of even though I've seen that one a bunch too. It's one of my favorite live songs, actually--it's just SO FUN. "Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal" was next and also superfun, even though the presence of Curt would've made it way better.

After that Flans said that this theater was "the box that rocks," and then, gesturing at the balcony, told us that we'd be meeting our accusers one by one and then all our verdicts would be read.

After "All Time What," Flans that it was time for the "fastest-singing portion" of the show, and that they were going to try to sing together. Then John said that this show was like a re-enactment of the instore they'd done earlier in the day cos so many of the same people were there. Then Flans said that he'd gotten our verdicts and we were all guilty.

I didn't really try to think about what song has them both singing really fast and singing together when he said it, but if I had I probably would've been able to figure out what the song was: "Letterbox." I was really excited to see it again, cos it's one of my top top top favorite songs.

After "New York City," Flans said that the show was "going too fast." Then he made them turn the house lights on for a "beard assessment." He said the beards looked "shockingly natural," and ordered a "round of beards" for everyone.

John said that they were going to be playing a lot of new songs and it was "a burden" and "a weight pressing down and crushing everything." I don't understand why they kept acting like we were going to hate seeing the new songs so much--I loved it and actually wished they would play more new songs.

Then Flans said that what they were aiming for was volume, and "as Bob Dylan said, there's just too much sound." Then they played a little bit, and Flans said if you buy I Like Fun you can get "all your favorite classical themes in one set."

Then they played "Mrs. Bluebeard." John really mangled the lyrics when they played it for the first time two days prior to this, but then the next day he did a lot better and only screwed up a couple of times and I was proud of him! But this time he was back to screwing up all over the place again. I was amused because afterwards he said "That's how it goes!" NO IT ISN'T JOHN. (Yes, I of course understand that he knew that too and that was the joke.)

Next they played "Music Jail, Pt. 1 & 2" which is one of my fav Glean songs, so I'm glad that one is still in the set.

After "Particle Man" and then "The Famous Polka," Flans said that they were playing two sets, which gives plenty of time to email and text.

Then:

JL: We're playing a lot of new songs, so bear with us. JF: No one likes the new songs, John. But we've already locked the doors!

Then there was this really obnoxious and probably drunk woman screaming for "When the Lights Come On," which they were most likely going to play anyway because they'd already played it at every other show on the tour. They said they weren't gonna play it and she just kept screaming for it. Then Flans said that they were gonna play it but now they weren't because of her, and then she started yelling "BUT I LOVE YOU," which made Flans tell a story about how they played at Bonnaroo which "is like being on the surface of Mars, you want to be anywhere else, and we were getting paid," and he met someone who told him how TMBG meant so much to them "and by the way, I love '500 Miles.'" Then the obnoxious woman went back to screaming, and I guess Flans figured there was no way to get her to shut the fuck up besides playing the song, so he asked John if he wanted to play it and John said "Sure. Fuck it." So then they played it and it was COMPLETELY AWESOME like it had been the other times I'd seen it, but also I was just happy to not have to hear that woman screaming anymore, and I'm sure all the rest of the crowd and the band and well anyone else in the building actually were too.

After "Your Racist Friend" they played "Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes," YES YES YES. Even though I'd just seen it the day before I was ecstatic, since it's one of my fav songs and I've only seen it live a handful of times.

Next came "Cyclops Rock"--I'm really happy that's one of the Mink Car songs they've brought back into the set. It's great live--SO ROCKIN'.

Afterwards, Flans asked John about the current political climate.

JL: It's awesome! JF: Who needs nightmares when you have daymares? Things are gonna be great...later.

John introduced "The Mesopotamians" by saying that when he was a kid in 3000 BC there was a TV show about them.

Then came the set break and then Quiet Storm, the first three songs of which were the same as the previous two nights: "Older" and "I Like Fun" with the contra-alto clarinet, then "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too" on accordion. Before the third Flans said they were "Tres Might Be Giants" and made Marty give a sample of what he can do with the electronic drums.

After that there was something that really upset me:

JF: How are you, John? How are you doing with that accordion? JL: I'm ok. The accordion...just have to deal with it.

This is definitely not the first time I've witnessed him complaining about how much he hates playing accordion these days and I'm sure it won't be the last, but it still really upsets me every single time because seeing him play it is pretty much my favorite thing.

Then Flans was talking about the storm sound effects--he reassured us that they are in fact not just fans blowing in mics.

Then they played MY THEME SONG. Nothing is ever going to be as special as seeing it for the first time the day before, but I was still unbelievably excited to see it again.

After that they played something they hadn't played either of the previous two days: "Meet James Ensor." So that was an unexpected surprise. I love that song, and I thought it worked really well in this format.

Then the band came back on stage. Flans introduced Dan as being "the finest guitarist in They Might Be Giants."

Next they played "Istanbul." I'm so unbelievably sick of this song live, but I do at least like the crazy jam session at the end of it. Flans jumped up on Marty's drum riser for part of it and it was silly.

Afterwards, Flans said he was sick of that acoustic music and that it "reminded him of his folkie days." Then he asked whoever was in charge of the A/C to turn it on (he was right, it was for some reason really warm even though it was chilly outside). Then he said that the next song they had to play "out of contractual obligation to our band."

The song was "Number Three," which is superfun live. It's become one of the Pink songs I've seen the most cos they've been playing it a lot the last few years, but I always really enjoy it.

Afterwards Flans said that they wanted to thank "the guy holding the beer perilously close to the end of his fingertips."

Then:

JF: This next song is from the album Glean, everybody. JL: That's right. JF: All the way back to 2015! JL: Not a song that we have to do. A song that we get to do. JF: Think about the good old days. 2015. Things seemed so...so normal then. No dystopian...hellscape.

They played "Answer," and then John put his accordion on and Dan came over to the keyboard. Flans said that he was getting on the keyboard "where he belongs," and I was like "Ummmm how does the keyboard player feel about you saying that?" But HEY if you ask me John does belong with his accordion on, not behind the keyboard.

The next song was a major show highlight for me: "Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head"! This is a very special song to me, it was my very first fav TMBG song (in other words the one I'd most rock out to as a 5-year-old hearing my dad play his cassette of Pink), and I still love it dearly now. I've only seen it a handful of times, so it was a big deal.

Next they played "Doctor Worm," which wasn't as big a deal since I've seen it a million times, but still really fun as always.

Flans was mentioning where the next few shows are going to be, and said if we know anyone in those places we should tell them to come to the shows.

Then:

JL: If you don't know anyone in those towns...the first letter of each city...backwards spells out...an important message. I know it seems like a random tour where you like...it's like drawing a star on the map. There really is a reason for it. JF: Our booking agent is keeping it a secret from us. JL: Yes, he hasn't told us what the message was. We haven't been able to figure it out. JF: But it appears the letters spell out some kind of swear word. JL: Yes. Something very harsh. JF: It seems to be some kind of swear word and then the words "you guys." We're not sure what it means. It's impossible to know what that message could mean. JL: Before we get off-track here. Apparently--there's a thing called the Kessler effect. [The name of the venue was The Kessler.] And I believe it originated here. What it is, is when stuff in space starts smashing into each other and...all of space is destroyed. Do you guys know about this? And I don't know why but this theater is the very first part of that chain. The Kessler effect. JF: I first heard about it when we were described as the Kessler effect of bands. JL: I mean, yeh. We've smashed into, um...Soup Dragons, I believe.

(I thought he might've been making this whole thing up, but my friend Ant, who's very knowledgeable about space stuff, informed me that no it's a real thing, it actually is when stuff in space smashes into other stuff and they break apart, and it can actually be really dangerous. The "all of space is destroyed" part I'm pretty sure he made up though!)

Then they played "The End of the Tour," which is so good live (though I do think it works best as a show closer).

Next came "Spy," lots of fun as always. At each show I'd been to John played a sample of something as part of his improv part--this time it was "Here Comes Santa Claus," which was silly. I also managed to scream during the parts when Flans was trying to get everyone in the crowd to scream, even though I was feeling almost weak from excitedly singing along with every song and screaming after they played songs I particularly loved.

Then they played "I Left My Body," which was the last I Like Fun song of the night.  I really loved all the new songs I got to see them play, but I just wish they'd played even more!

They closed out the main set with "Twisting," which was, as always, COMPLETELY KICKASS. For some reason Dan was singing the "she wants" backing vocals instead of John--I'm not sure what was up with that and I didn't like it.

They started the first encore with "Let Me Tell You About My Operation." This is my current favorite Flansong, so I love seeing it live.

Flans said that the next song was their new single, which I was confused by because they'd already played "I Left My Body" (which wasn't a single exactly, but the closest thing the album had). But he was just joking--it was actually "Why Does the Sun Shine?", which is of course very much not a new song. John informed us that things that are a gas on the sun included Fiestaware, which he held up his red mug when he said (holding tea instead of coffee this time, I noticed, as evidenced by the string and tag sticking over the edge). He paused for a long time before the list of things that the heat and light of the sun are caused by the nuclear reaction between, but finally it was "Stuff! Things! Items! And objects!" He is so silly!

The first song of the second encore was "Wicked Little Critta," and they closed the show the same way they did the night before: with "Birdhouse in Your Soul." A perfect close to a perfect night.

John continued on his "stripey shirts, nothing but stripey shirts" streak, so he was 3/3 on this particular show trip for me. This time it was a black and white stripey t-shirt that I don't think I've ever seen him wear before.

[itshappyharu]

Slice of Life #1: Toxic Friend

I never had any friends whom I feel like they wanted me to fail. But I encounter one during my 1st year of Degree. At first, everything was just fine with this girl. But, the more I spend time with her, the more I will feel sick to my stomach….

The 1st red flag should have been when she told my fav lecturer, Dr. Z about how miserable I am after I broke up with my almost 5 years boyfriend. And that includes when I unconsciously pull and release hairband that was on my wrist (?) It was something I do during that time, only, whenever I wanted to stop myself from crying or whenever I zoned out. I will end up having bruises around my wrist. To make myself clear, I personally don’t think it’s a form of self-harm. I think it is just a bad habit from a bad heartbreak …?

Anyway I decided to feel safe when I told her how bad my heartbreak was. I use the term decided because that’s what I want to believe. That I am safe and I can trust this girl and pour my heart out to her.  I decided to trust her.

You guess it right, I trust the wrong person. And Dr. Z seems disappointed at me. Why? Because Im one of her fav student. She even told me that if she has a son, she wanted me to be her son’s girlfriend. (my fav lecturer were very childish hence the immature conversation) . I guess Dr. Z change her mind when something clicks as to why I sometimes skipped some lecturer when I'm not the type to skipped any school activity.

This girl, however, was in some sort of way, a good friend too. She was that friend that has the same level of humor as me. So laugh come out easily whenever we were together. And… she always cheers on me for whatever I do. However, she lowkey able to make me feel bad when I'm happy. She always gives me this crappy lecture on how lucky I am to be “perfect” (at least in her eyes ..) and how miserable she is. I know it sounds like nothing, but the tone she used while “beautifully” explaining how good my life is, was draining. Almost mocking me. And in the end, I feel bad about being happy around her.

My life is far from perfect. This blog was even created because of my crappy side of life that I can't really rant on my “real-life people” just because I'm not comfortable with the idea of telling other people my problem when they already have their own problem too.

Its good to note that, she was always the grumpiest during my birthday. Tell me which close friend will wish you a plain “happy birthday!” or “oh today is syaza’s bday” instead of properly wish my birthday. AGAIN, this might sound like a small matter, but I just can't understand how straight forward she is to not wanting me to be happy :’)!!

During one of my birthday where she refuses to wish me a happy birthday was when I live with her for a few weeks, she rants on how so many people are wishing me (because I was smiling the whole day. Some of my high school friends make a video to wish me a happy birthday and that I feel so happy ) and she will never be that happy cause no one loves her. She ends her rant with a big sigh. I end up feeling like throwing up. I end up feeling guilty about being happy for my own birthday.

Also, SHE DROVE ME CRAZY when she always gives other people from our school who live in the school dormitory SIDE EYES just because they were looking at us. OF COURSE, THEY WILL LOOK AT US, CAUSE WE NEVER LIVE HERE, WE ONLY HERE FOR A FEW WEEKS CAUSE THIS DORM IS CLOSER TO OUR TRAINING PLACE. Sometime i think she really want to have beef with everyone....

She also loves to criticize how hardworking I am whenever we have exams. Let me be honest with yall, I study hard for any type of exam, bcs im a slow learner. Whether it be an only mid-term exam or final exam. I will always do my very best. For eg, I have 3 different notes (i. simplified notes where I just cut, copy & paste an important section from our lecturer PPT for each subject. ii. Handwritten notes of mind map about the topic plus extra notes I get from other sources. iii. A very simple note with key points to help me memorize everything).

 It's just how I study! And who decided its good to criticize me for how I'm so “worked up” when it's just a midterm exam?? This girl did. She said it loudly & annoyingly too and of course, she will rant to everyone how smart I am when I got the best result honeyyyyyyyyyyy--------

and so I decided to stop spending too much time with her.

All this time, I try very hard to accept that it was just me. And I just can't vibe with this girl’s bad side. Because I believe everyone has their bad side, even I do. That’s why not everyone can vibe with us. Cause we have our own preference, who to like or not to like.

But recently, she fought with her best friend too. If I'm gonna be honest, part of me was relieved that I was not the only one who thinks she’s kinda wrong and had a negative impact on one life. Mind you, I can blow up if I reached my limit, but most of the time I'm a pretty reserved person. And that other best friend of her was nothing like me. But it was not for me to tell. 

So if you have a toxic ‘friend’. Here’s my advice:

o   If you don’t want to have bad blood with anyone (aka me, because I'm more peaceful that way) try to avoid being around that ‘friend’. Spend as little time as possible with that person. OR

o   Just cut them off lol. And have a beef thang. Lol jk, but

o   Do what's best for yourself. No one should make you feel bad about yourself. It's not worth it, if it cost your mental health.

bye bye for now ! lets be happy :)

[c-nan]

okie so i listened to this ep the same day i listened to falter at the alter but i kept forgetting to review so i’m doing it now lmao. please excuse me if anything sounds off, i have bad memory lmao

i love this episode (both pod and non-pod)!! y’all went into a lot of things that made me so happy. speaking of one of those things: shirley analysis!!!! my all time FAVE character, i was beaming through the whole section about ✨Her✨

i love how yall brought up her need to control situations, especially when things are completely out of her control!! there are other times in the show where her need for control is shown (the one that’s standing out to me the most at the moment is her little power kick in “lonely at the middle” which more stems from her ambition than taking control of what’s out of her control; though if i think about it, it kinda is about controlling what’s out of her control i.e finding a better way to get a raise other than being off work for a week or two on strike so YEAH. that and a lot of little things in episodes where if something isn’t going right, she tries to control it by telling people what they should do and so on and i am very guilty of this and working on it lmaooo). ANYWAY, i haven’t given much thought to that aspect of her character and it just. it made me so happy to hear bc i relate and it’s more shirley lore to intake and rotate in my little brain and yeah <333 in conclusion, i love shirley <3

i love the praise y’all gave to the robbers bc they sure are Characters. i get a kick everytime i watch this ep (lmao i say as if i’ve seen it more than twice) whenever i see the cowboy with the briefcase bc it is so funny to me that no one really ever questions it lmaoo. and they really are very bad at what they do 😂 i agree this ep could have been a whole movie.

and omg i love all the frank love <333 he is so Frank in this episode it delights me so much. i also always get a kick (once again pretending i’ve watched it more than twice) whenever he takes the phone and hangs it up and kicks everyone out of the resteraunt all bc laverne has a date. i love their little dynamic <3

AND ALSO!! love the whole convo around the part with laverne suggesting they should sleep with len and squig so they don’t die virgins lmaooo. ngl, everytime i see this part(here i go again with the pretending), i can’t help but read it as laverne asking SHIRLEY to sleep with her so they don’t die virgins lmaoo, you can tell where my brain rot lies 😂 y’all were so funny talking about that part <33

i’m probably missing like a million other things i liked about this ep bc i listened to it like 4 days ago which is like 10 days in selah time which means i forgot some of it 😭 i really did love this ep!! thank y’all for making and sharing <33

Fresh Pod!  Laverne talks Shirley into going on a double date with the cousin of her brand new squeeze, but it turns out the fellows have some explosive plans for them - and the bank next door.  They soon find themselves teaming up with Lenny and Squiggy to battle their way to a new day.

Listen on:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4tszuWwHWEq55bH2uWEUOl

ITunes/Apple Pods: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/night-after-night/id1511414778

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1Jo3hZ2Pv0

Anchor: https://anchor.fm/nightaftnightpc/episodes/Dog-Day-Blind-Dates-eevanq