#i am highly uncomfortable with it
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hey guys
#gorillaz#murdoc niccals#2d gorillaz#murdoc gorillaz#people that ship these two do not interact with me or tag this post as their ship name btw#i am highly uncomfortable with it
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Project: Eden's Garden Chapter 1 Trailer Analysis
Oh my god it's actually time.
As I'm sure you've heard by now, Team Eden's Garden has finally announced the release date for the fangan's true first chapter: December 20th. And, they did so in a flashy new trailer, which is nearly three minutes long! Naturally, there's a lot of content baked in to those three minutes, so I'm here to take a look at what was flashing by in those rapid-fire montages, as well as make predictions regarding what will happen at the first Class Trial. This will be fun!
And here's hoping I don't run out of images 🤞
The trailer begins with the "mascot" (in this case, Tozu) saying that it's been far too long since we last conversed. Classic.
Next, we see a preview of some locations, both new and old. CAM04: Dorm Hallway and CAM24: Tree of Ignorance were already explorable areas within the Prologue, and CAM08: Damon's Dorm was visible in the Ch1 demo released last year(?). The new locations include CAM32: Hallway A1, CAM35: Pharmacy A1, and CAM39: Pharmacy A5.
(By the way, I'm going to assume that both the numbering of the cameras and the time displayed in the lower right have no particular meaning, because I can't find any connections between them. At first I thought it was weird that Damon's dorm was Camera #8 despite him being 9th in alphabetical last name order, but given that the hallway is Camera #4, I don't think there's a correlation).
While all of the images are intentionally blurry, I'll do the best I can to describe what we can see. The most obvious point of interest is the door at the back of the hallway, under which "CAUTION" is written in big red letters. It also seems that there might be blood dripping down the door, which, if true, would match with the other blood splatter on the floor near the bottom right of the screen. It definitely gives the impression that something happened here before, and that that something was bad. There's also a grate on the wall that's splattered with red, but given that blood is pink in the DR universe, I'm assuming that's rust.
The pharmacies are very interesting to me. First of all, there are two of them. What kind of establishment needs two separate pharmacies? I guess you might if the pharmacies are as different as the two pictured. One looks more like an old-fashioned office or science classroom (it kind of reminds me of v3's Ultimate Detective Lab, honestly), and the other like a scientific research facility. A pharmacy is defined as "a store where medicinal drugs are dispensed and sold," so perhaps Pharmacy A1 is for selling and Pharmacy A5 is for creating?
The "A" in these tags could stand for "area," but they more likely stand for "alpha." At the end of the Chapter 1 demo (watch Weeby Newz's video on it if you want the same level of info I have), the students are about to go through the lowercase "alpha" door in the Tree Room to explore a new area. These three areas are almost certainly behind that door-- perhaps with the checkered pharmacy being room #1, and the blue pharmacy being room #5?
It's also possible that the entire area is considered "the pharmacy," and is dedicated to the production of medicine. But, whether that's the case or not, I have to ask, "why?" Out of all the things they could have put into this falsified Eden's Garden Academy, why make two rooms dedicated to creating drugs? Why potentially make up to five rooms dedicated to creating drugs? With very little information regarding the overarching plot of Eden's Garden, it's hard to determine why. The only connection I can make offhand is that this may have been the origin site of the drugs used to knock everyone out on the train.
I do find it very interesting, though, that this is not just a location in the school, but the very first one we're discovering. Normally, I'd think that places like these, which aren't that conducive to students hanging out (like a pool or recreation center) would be reserved for future chapters. It may imply that drugs and/or poisons are a necessary component of the Chapter 1 murder. We'll see!
Our first of the rapid-fire CGs! This one shows Kai pointing at something within a fancy pink room. There's a canopy bed dressed with pink cloth, some floral-looking wallpaper, and two small paintings of what also appear to be plants on the wall.
Given the appearance of Damon's room earlier in the trailer, I find it likely that this is not a new location in the alpha corridor, but instead, someone's room. There are many pink colored characters in P:EG-- Diana, Toshiko, and Kai himself-- as well as Cassidy, whose character color is close to pink, and Ingrid, who has pinkish hair. Of the main three options, I'm guessing that this is probably Kai's room.
People have been quick to diagnose this as a potential BDA image. If that's true, I acknowledge that this being Kai's room would be a wild choice, because it would mean that someone other than Kai was found dead in Kai's room. It would be a THH parallel, though! I just think that it's likely to be his because, well, he's in there, and all of the references to flowers seems fitting for his butterfly motif. However, Toshiko's kimono does have flower patterns on it, and flowers also match up with the ~romance~ of the Ultimate Matchmaker. If this is Kai providing a BDA in Toshiko's room, though... maybe Toshiko isn't dodging those first victim allegations.
If it's not a BDA, though, what is Kai pointing at? Imagine if it's just a spider or something, lol. He does look pretty worried, so perhaps this could be the arrival of something like DRDT's custom weapons? If a weapon suddenly appeared in my room a the killing game, I'd be kind of worried. It could also be a mysterious note, as (spoilers) we're about to see a few of in this trailer.
One cute(?) thing to mention is that, if this is Kai's room, it likely means that Kai was willing to invite Damon into his room to check whatever this is out. That could mean that they're friends! It's not cute if this is actually a BDA. It's also not cute if Kai is becoming Damon's friend just so that it hurts more when he dies in Chapter 1 :(
Woah, it's a note! (/j)
This and the image directly before it in the trailer seem to be of the same thing: a piece of paper that says "to Damon Maitsu" on it. Or, it's possible that the first one just says "Damon Maitsu" and this one says "to Mr. Maitsu"-- they look a little different, although the handwriting seems identical. I don't think there's any paper conspiracy for me to crack here.
To my memory, the prologue included some flashback CGs, so I would imagine that's what's happening here, unless Damon actually kept his Eden's Garden acceptance letter on his person (possible). It could also be a new letter that Damon receives during the course of the killing game if, as I posited, Kai was pointing out a letter he received in his room.
And furthermore, more note content? Why is this hypothetical piece of paper more visible in the trailer than Toshiko?! (/j)
Or, maybe it isn't. This note seems to read, "Meet in [???] at 8:10 p.m. tonight [???] Damon Maitsu." Due to the spacing of the words-- namely, that it doesn't seem like there's much more to this message beyond what we can see-- this paper appears to be pretty small. Combined with the color, I predict that this note is, in fact, sticky. And therefore, not the same as the piece of paper (which also has a different ink color) as the other note.
Further extrapolating from the spacing, the note looks like it's signed "-- Damon Maitsu". Otherwise, there would need to be a word before Damon, the end of which has no letters tall enough to appear next to the D. (It's LGI's "Ms. Naegi" crisis all over again... /ref) If so, that means that we might have an example of Damon's handwriting on our hands! Or the handwriting of someone who was trying to impersonate Damon :/
I wish we had a better lead on where this note was telling folks to meet up, but it's way too vague.
Then, yet another piece of paper! It's definitely different than the yellow one, and probably different from the signed one as well, due to being typed and not handwritten. Then again, sometimes typed letters have a handwritten signature at the bottom, so it's not impossible.
This text's formatting reminds me of how scripts are normally written: both the font and the center alignment are used in standard scriptwriting formats. I actually at first thought that everything after "beneath a" might have been spoken by a character whose name starts with L, but that would mean that their dialogue starts with a lowercase letter. Plus, names on scripts are usually written more like this (imagine it's centered):
LINDSAY beneath a [shoulder] If only [head]
in the sense that the character speaking's name is in all caps. There appears to be a lowercase i after the capital L, so it's probably not a name.
Still, that begs the question of why the top line is so much shorter than the one beneath it. In a normal passage, all of the lines would have relatively even margins other than possibly the last one. Could the wonky spacing be indicative of a poem, or something else written in verse? Due to the script/poem idea, I'm inclined to believe this belongs to the ever-dramatic Tozu, but I could be wrong.
Next is another CG, depicting Damon, Cassidy, and a sneaky Jean in the background. Based on the shape of Damon's ahoge, we can tell he's a little annoyed or flustered by whatever Cassidy is pointing at.
The wallpaper pattern we see in the background is that of the Dining Hall. Do NOT ask me how I remembered this offhand, because I don't know.
Furthermore, based on the wall being to the characters' left, it's likely that they're standing on the left side of the room. (It's possible in reality that it could be anywhere else in the room in front of the wallpaper only, but based on cinematography rules I won't bother explaining this is probably the case.) So, what is Cassidy pointing at? It could be the fireplace, the painting of the jackal, or the vent. Or, obviously, something new that appears in the Dining Hall in Chapter 1.
Based on my theories that the vent will be involved in the Chapter 1 murder, I'm inclined to believe that it might be what Cassidy's pointing out. If that's true, it means that she (and Jean) (and Damon) is dodging the Chapter 1 victim allegations! However, given that the characters are looking upwards, unless they're on the floor, it's probably not actually the vent. Maybe it's something on the fireplace mantle?
Also, based on straight vibes and nothing else, I don't think this is a serious CG. It might just be that it reminds me of v3's casino CG, but I kinda feel like Cassidy is just trying to teach Damon a game while Jean watches, or something. Projector on the Dining Hall walls? "It's more likely than you think," I lie.
The next six images consist of three spooky screenshots of what seem to be some sort of database which say "Ultimate" (and a picture of Damon), and three zoom-ins on what I believe to be paintings found around the school.
The only one I found of particular note was this one, which sort of looks like two people getting married? Both figures seem to have light skin, and the one in the white dress might have some shoulder-length red hair. Cassidy marriage arc??? I can't imagine what context this photo/painting/CG would appear in, but it might be important.
After that a few illustrations depicting the killing game's rules flash by. I won't be uploading all of them because 1) you can probably guess at most already if you're familiar with DR/fangans, and 2) I think these might have been shown in the demo anyways. To sum up, I think the rules can be attributed as such:
Tozu is in charge (and/or participation in the killing game is mandatory)
No destroying school property, with a focus on cameras and NG bracelets
You can't kill/injure Tozu or Mara*
Students can become the blackened by killing
Once a dead body is found, it's time for a Class Trial
... The same thing again? Oh, maybe #5 was about how to trigger a BDA, then.
Um...
Okay, actually, I don't know what this one is. Is this saying that you can't rip paper, or you'll get executed? As in, papers that Tozu gives you? Dude, maybe my "Tozu gives the students mysterious letters" theory actually had some merit to it!
If not that, could this be something about breaching contracts? The Prologue did mention "registration materials" that Damon presumably signed. Those could have been a cover-up for a real waiver the students accidentally accepted. Or, maybe this is the big reveal that all of the characters are actors in a scripted performance. In Chapter 1? Yeah, probably not.
*Technically, only Tozu (who stands between Mara and the student) has an X over him, which could imply that it's only illegal to harm Tozu. However, it's likely that, when the rule is revealed in the e-Handbook, the graphic will cycle between Xs on Mara and Tozu, or something else to that effect. It would be interesting if the rules don't protect Mara, though. I'd imagine the in-universe explanation would be "see what happens if you even TRY to hurt Mara," but that would absolutely feel like a rule intended by the writers to be broken in the future.
I'm sure someone could do a super in-depth analysis of the religious implications of this painting, but that person is not me. All I will say is, "these are the animals of Mara and Tozu." Oh, and, based on the next image, this painting is located in Pharmacy 1.
New locations! Like I alluded to above, the first image is definitely of Pharmacy 1, and I think the second is too.
The third is a bit harder to decipher. We've got a glowing photocopier with an Eden's Garden Academy logo on it, a tiled floor, many green cabinets, a medical kit, and lots of vines. I wonder if this might be a third pharmacy that functions more like a doctor's office...? I don't know what the photocopier is there for in that case, though. I'm assuming that the location behind Jett in the fourth image is in the same room due to the similar green cabinets, and the fact that you can see a similar first aid kit on the wall behind him. If that's the case, there's also a sink in this room. That's not helping me either.
After that, we have a shot of Jean with a proposition in the Dining Hall, some general purposes art which I think we've seen before, and a slick 3D animation with Damon catching a fallen apple. What do they have in common? I don't have much to say about any of them.
Free Time time! Or, at least, I'm assuming that Ulysses' part is part of his first FTE, given that it was packaged in with all this other stuff. With this, we can conclude that Ulysses, Wenona, and Wolfgang will all be available for at least one FTE in Chapter 1. I am very curious about that in general-- with this first chapter release, will we immediately be able to view all of everyone's FTEs? Or will they cap everyone off at, like, two for now? Unfortunately, there's no way for me to answer that now.
The other three images are more intriguing. The first definitely shows Damon's gift inventory, with the Black Forest Cake being highlighted. The interesting bit is all of the chibi pixels to the side, with positive and negative arrows by some of their heads. At first, I thought that P:EG might be going for something like SDRA2's ambitious FTE system, where characters have positive or negative opinions on you based on actions you take and gifts you give. However, on further thought, I bet that this is an in-game way of telling you who will like which gifts. As far as I can tell, many people either look up which gifts to give which characters or save-scum until they get something right, so taking guessing out of the equation is probably a good thing. Plus, now we know that Diana, Jett, Toshiko, Mark, Wolfgang, Cassidy, Desmond, Eloise, and Kai like cake; Grace, Ingrid, and Wenona don't; and Damon, Jean, Ulysses, and Eva are neutral. It's an extra good system if it gives us insight into Damon as well!
The second is surely P:EG's equivalent of the Monomono Machine, with Damon receiving a zen garden from the funky hourglass contraption. The interesting part to me is that the currency is named Marabucks instead of Tozubucks. Yay for inclusivity? Also, I think it's fun that the percentage reads "1,13%" instead of the standard American "1.13%". (And P:EG seems to be, on the whole, an American-coded game, given that the majority of the characters speak in American-accented English and the cast's live appearance was in Texas.) Gives you a little behind the scenes peek at who was coding this section of the game :)
The last thing... uh, what? It seems to be a Pong-like minigame, probably used to earn bonus Marabucks. You bounce the "orbs" through the "pachinko" to... I guess score points against Mara and Tozu? And, probably if you do well enough, you get varying levels of money. Perhaps I spoke too soon, and the Marabuck is simply the lesser Tozubuck.
Up next comes some dramatic zoom-ins through those spiffy remodeled locations. I appreciate them jazzing up the "outdoor" area specifically; the lack of polygons in the doorway arch always bugged me. Even if they kept those similarly unbeveled shapes in the archways to the side... (/lh)
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...
WE GOT SCENES FROM THE CLASS TRIAL?!?!?!
To clear the elephant in the room, as everyone has been reporting, Toshiko is the only student who can't be seen in the Class Trial at all. Does that mean she's dead? Uh, probably not. As part of a mystery-writing team, I would have to imagine that whoever crafted this trailer would be smart enough to know that their mystery-loving fans would comb through whatever they're given for answers (hi 👋). And, if there's one to be found, they'd find it. Therefore, I'm more inclined to believe that Toshiko's absence is an intentional red herring. Then again, this is very possibly the P:EG team's first time writing a fangan, so if they didn't think about things like that, it would be understandable.
So, who is dying if everyone else is present? To me, there's a big gulf between how easy it would be to fake someone's participation in the Class Trial. Subbing out a death portrait for a regular sprite is easy, recording a fake line of dialogue is a bit more effort, and creating original artwork is really not worth the effort. Thus, we can divide the characters into tiers.
ORIGINAL ART (basically guaranteed safe) Damon, Wenona VOICE ACTING (very likely to be safe) Diana, Grace, Wolfgang, Jean, Eva SPRITE VISIBLE (possibly most endangered) Mark, Desmond, Kai, Ingrid, Ulysses, Eloise, Cassidy, Jett TOTALLY ABSENT (reverse psychology safety???) Toshiko
Damon's unique minigame sprite and Wenona's Rebuttal Showdown art appearing over his face should also squash the rumors that Damon will be replaced before the first Class Trial at least, lol.
Within those tiers, I also want to highlight two outliers: Wolfgang and Eva. Because, of course it's those two.
Although Wolfgang is in the voice acting tier, in reality, I'd say he should be moved upward into the "basically guaranteed safe" tier. This is because his line is shown in Nonstop Debate format as opposed to the regular dialogue format. Although his lines don't have the animated word art thing going on, I still imagine that it would be easier to create a fake line in the regular dialogue boxes than in the minigame. Also, notice that I said lineS. Wolfgang also has two lines, and unless the team is really yanking our chains, I can't see why they would create two fake lines when one would surely suffice.
Meanwhile, while Eva is in the voice acting tier, she's bordering on the "possibly most endangered" tier. It may just be my "Eva could die first" bias speaking, but her line is a whole lot shorter and less specific than Diana's, Grace's, or Jean's. In fact, if you remove the comma, "obviously the case" could easily be one of her stock dialogue lines that plays over unvoiced portions of the Daily Life. If the team were to create a fake piece of dialogue for the Class Trial, sneakily repurposing a line that already exists for other purposes would be the most efficient way to do so.
Expanding on that, what is "obviously, the case" supposed to mean here? I'll once again draw attention to that comma. Grammatically, it's not that some truth is "obviously the case," but that the case is the thing that's obvious. In what context is Eva saying that, though?
Jett: Uhhh, sorry, what are we supposed to be focusing on again...? Eva: Obviously, the case.
Or, could a physical case, like a briefcase, be relevant to the murder?
Grace: But what could the killer have used to fucking store a disguise?! Eva: Obviously, the case.
The only thing I'm remembering offhand that could be a physical case is the medical kit, but obviously there are plenty of locations and props for this Chapter we haven't seen yet. At any rate, Eva's dialogue raised a flag for me. So, I'll be scrutinizing any cases we may see or any pre-Trial words Eva speaks when the Chapter comes out.
Also, Diana and Grace might be a bit safer than Jean and Eva because what Grace is saying seems to be a response to Diana. They both mention peace, and Desmond is striking the same pose in both of their shots. I doubt that the P:EG team would either record Diana expressing the same sentiment that someone else actually expresses, or come up with a fictitious response from Grace that doesn't actually exist. If you want to get really nitty-gritty about it, consider that tier as ranking Wolfgang as the most safe, then Grace, Diana, Jean, and then Eva :)
Under the dual assumptions that Toshiko is a red herring while Eva's dialogue is genuine (such that both of them are safe), though, who's the most likely victim from our "sprite visible" tier?
Well, the only victim option left from my Chapter 1 Killer/Victim theory is Kai. Fan-favorite first victim choice Cassidy is also on the table. Otherwise, I could see Ulysses, given that (if he's not the mastermind) he gives BIG victim energy with his notetaking becoming a central aspect of solving his Trial. I'd expect they'd save a gimmick like that for a later Trial, where it could better be used to shake up the status quo, but I could see it as a good intro case too. I could also see someone taking Desmond out if they were afraid of his weapon-wielding capabilities, although that's... kinda backwards thinking. Desmond's capability to kill is scary if you're trying to kill him, but it doesn't offer much in the Class Trial.
Still kinda convinced it's gonna be Eva, but I'm aware enough to recognize that's probably just the stubbornness of wanting to believe that my old theory was true.
Speaking of old theories coming true, can we rewind for a moment?
Jean: ...but, I'd rather be suspected than be the reason this trial comes to a standstill.
Hey. WHAT.
For anyone who hasn't read/forgot about the Chapter 1 victim/killer theory I just linked, in that post, I argued my case for why Jean would be our unexpected Chapter 1 killer. Needless to say, when I saw this, I screamed.
What does this MEAN?!?! Full disclosure, I was pretty convinced that the Jean!killer theory would either be, like, 100% on the money, or laughably incorrect to the level of accidentally misinterpreting Jean's entire personality or there not even being a hint of suspicion thrown on his name throughout the entire case. To see Jean acknowledging others' suspicion of him in the TRAILER has me reeling.
Assuming that this line isn't fake (which also guarantees that Jean isn't the first victim), this means that there will be a point in the Trial at which Jean will be suspected as the blackened. The line itself could easily be something that a sympathetic and honest spotless would say, or something that a blackened could say pretending to be just that, so we don't get any hints there. What reason would Jean have to be suspected if he isn't the killer? Why and how would anyone choose to frame him? But also, would the P:EG team really want to have their players go into the first Trial already primed to believe that Jean could be the blackened based on the trailer? I feel like this line was included as a cruel (/lh) trick on me specifically, but my theory wasn't nearly infamous enough to warrant that kind of attention.
It's absolutely going to be eyes on Jean for me when the first Chapter comes out. I'm so curious to see the context surrounding this quote. Did I actually call it early? Or will the "evidence" that I stacked up actually prove to make Jean a believable bait, but not the real blackened? (wouldn't be the first time :P /j)
Moving on, there's a very dramatic scene of Tozu looking over the Trial grounds, while Damon looks back. I double checked, and everyone is visible (in silhouette form) in this shot, which makes sense as it was likely created solely for this spoiler-free promotional material. In my mind, the only clues we can pick up here are that Damon is further cementing himself as the true protagonist of this story. He also blocks out Wolfgang as he looks at Tozu...? Could have symbolic significance, but could also just be a result of the pair being opposite each other in the Class Trial seating.
After that is another fast-paced montage. The first screen is the same shot of the Pharmacy table. I don't know why they put repeat info in here, but as far as I can tell, all of the props and textures and whatnot are the same. If my assessment that the murder would utilize the Dining Hall vent is wrong, I wonder if this could be a hint that Pharmacy A especially will have significant meaning-- possibly, as the site of the first BDA. That being said, they also repeat the same image of the photocopier ivy room as the third image in this montage. So, if that's the case, it means both locations will have to be highly relevant.
I feel like this image out of context looks really NSFW. I promise, that was not my intention...
Anyways, this is from the Prologue BDA.
It's Cara's doll legs, as is made extra apparent by that same cylindrical thing in the back. I'm not sure if this was put here because the Prologue case will continue to be really relevant to Chapter 1, or just because they wanted a BDA-looking thing for the Trailer yet didn't want to put in a spoiler one. Based on the different size/shape of Cara's thighs (now I feel NSFW /j), there is a slight possibility that what's shown in the Chapter 1 trailer is (an image of) the real Cara's body as opposed to the doll. However, we know that some sprites and backgrounds have been redone during the hiatus, and that could extend to Cara's art as well.
This knife is also from the Prologue BDA.
You think you're so clever, P:EG team, don't you...? (/lh)
Can you believe the students are going to investigate area alpha in Chapter 1? Or maybe this is Damon telling me I'm wrong about that, haha.
Hey, they rigged a 3D Tozu model! It's looking good. I'm sure they're glad that Tozu's mask meant that they don't have to make a whole mouth rig for the guy, lol. My guess is that this model will be used for Tozu's "punishment time" animation, the equivalent of Monokuma hitting his button with the mallet.
The last thing of note in this trailer (other than the release date) is the Chapter's splash art! The full version was posted to Twitter, which I'll be showing for clarity's sake.
“Strange that one minor event, one small action, can alter the path of everything.”
... You gotta start dodging these allegations better, Cassidy.
Chapter promo art predictions are always a tricky game when it comes to predicting who will die. On the creator's end, I'm sure you don't want to draw additional attention to your first deaths by spotlighting them in the artwork. But, if you want to highlight some of the most important characters of the chapter, that'll often include the victim and/or killer if the Daily Life is well-crafted. Plus, especially for early deaths like these, if you don't put them in the chapter art early, you'll never have to chance.
But, forget all that. Who's actually shown in the poster? Obviously, Damon, Jett, and Cassidy are, but I believe that Wenona's jacket and hair are shown to the left of Damon? If you squint, you can also make out what might be Ingrid's arm on his right. That would be consistent with where he's seated in the Class Trial. Yeah, and then that weird blob behind Wenona is actually Jean and Eva!
See what I mean? Well, if we have 7 characters on the poster, maybe it's not so suspicious for any of them after all :D
And, really, it's 8 characters. I imagine others have made this connection already (even if I haven't personally seen it), but... that's a chameleon wrapping its way around Damon. AKA, Diana's animal motif. That means that Diana is more or less on this poster as well!
As the literal framing device of the Class Trial, the chameleon makes this poster reek of Diana being the Chapter 1 killer. However, even that feels too obvious, at least to my highly-scrutinous eyes. Then again, if this was just supposed to communicate that Diana will be important, why not just put her on the poster...? I really don't know what to make of it.
And... yeah, December 20th! I'm super excited!!! While we're certainly not in a drought of in new and exciting fangans nowadays (read Danganronpa: One Shot here!), productions of this scale-- especially playable ones-- are few and far between, so I really hope that this first Chapter lives up to the hype. I'm pretty sure I'll have more to say about this fangan in a few weeks, so I'll see y'all then for Project: Eden's Garden's true beginning!
...
(Honestly, after all this time in the DRDT fandom, it's just crazy to me that we're going to learn about the victim and killer at basically the same time... (/lh))
#project eden's garden#p:eg#fanganronpa#damon maitsu#kai monteago#cassidy amber#jean delamer#eva tsunaka#i don't think i talked about anyone else in enough detail to warrant a tag#also i have seen various people bring up issues with this fangan (specifically the behavior of its crew) online#while i am highly sympathetic i don't currently feel like it's enough of a reason to boycott this project for me#however if seeing content of the game makes you uncomfortable please skip this post and/or block the tag! i don't want to upset anyone#and of course i'll assess more in the future if more issues arise (or if i learn of more damning evidence. i know basically nothing#about this drama other than that it exists. i hope the dev team can chill out tho. heard they were bashing other fangans :/)#my theories#anyways i'm excited to start my incredibly one-sided beef with Jean /j
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Beginning to think that there are some parts of my history that are best kept in history.
#I talk very openly about most of it but I do realize that I am from SecCom#and that the project I was developed for was highly secret for a very good reason as we were deployed most often as shock troops#or for heavily extrajudicial purposes#Maybe it is for the best that I do not speak of my deployments. I never mean to make anyone uncomfortable#I do not wish to be obtrusive or to cause issues but without APMS I do not have a reliable way to judge what is socially acceptable#lancer rp#oc rp blog#lancer rpg#oc rp
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gonna say something that may raise some eyebrows and im sorta like. raising my hands first like "I'M TRANS!!!" but i'm writing a psot on the scorpion family and.... i'm like. halfway tempted to write about castor's deadname in it???
not to deliberately misgender him or anything (i'll be using he/him throughout the post ofc) but because names are an important motif for castor's arc and for this family. dusk doesn't have a real name, and sheds the name when she leaves. she never got to choose her own name and it shows how little agency she has. bruno insisted on naming all three of them to show how he had them all under his control. castor not only discards his original name once he's made to leave, but the next name, and the name after that, because he has no idea who he actually is and is trying to contort himself to be what others want him to be and so he lets everyone else name him, and him choosing the name "castor" is him finally coming into himself and accepting his own desires...
the thing is, i already reveal another character's narratively relevant deadname on BoP and the main fic and i am already very very very very VERY worried about how people will take that to go "oh that's this character's REAL name and now i should actually refer to them like that" or people potentially thinking i'm being very disrespectful towards other trans people
#truth be told as a trans person i kinda love when names are used as a narrative device to explore identity and agency#and tbc the way castor's name will be handled in the prequel is more inspired by how ''the 30 names of night'' by zeyn joukhadar handles it#by not naming the trans boy protagonist at all until he's found the name that suits him. because he is nameless for most of the story#(absolutely fantastic book btw. highly recommend it especially concerning current events)#but in this case. saying what the name was specifically kinda makes things a bit more coherent. and it's relevant to the story#and its not like castor is singled out bc technically dusk and twilight dont go by those names anymore either....#theyve all left them behind for one reason or another#(the name is also gender neutral which makes me feel a bit better. esp since the bop one isnt. but yeah.)#i just struggleeeee with worrying about making people uncomfortable in ways i can avoid#im sorta at war with myself like. ''i am trans i am very allowed to write about stuff like this'' and ''what if people get mad and say im a#Fake Trans for doing that''#echoed voice
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I gotta unfollow the tsukasa tenma tag I cannot have post recommended to me about tsukasa being pale white
#COMPARED TO TOYA. THEY SAID TOYA WAS LESS WHITE THAN THE TENMAS#I can see why you'd make saki pale but tsukasa goes outside yk#Also had posts about kanade tenma#Please do not talk to me if you fuck with the kanade tenma hc I am so serious#Both unnecessary and highly uncomfortable#cyr talks
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Blehhh he's just here so I can say I did the whole Lego Movie cast. Friendly reminder that ACAB, don't trust them, even when they're little lego men.
#shortly after posting this to deviantart a cop lives matter type dude followed me#so lemme make this clear#i dont mean acab in a uwu bare minimum rebellious aesthetic phase type way#i mean acab in a legit i do not like cops and do not trust them and am highly uncomfortable around them sorta way#if you believe in thin blue line or wanna be a cop or bring back the confederacy or whatever tf#then sincerely DO NOT FOLLOW ME#i am highly uncomfortable with the thought that i am attracting bigots who would want marginalized groups dead#my art#art#fanart#digital art#digital illustration#digital drawing#artists on tumblr#illustration#drawing#lego#tlm#the lego movie#lego fanart#tlm fanart#lego movie#scribble cop#bad cop#the unlegoing project
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I'm writing the spring part rn and jesus is it making me SO uncomfortable to write lee's part rn now that she acknowledges her romantic feelings bc I'm so unaccustomed to it
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dot dot
#ive come to realize something. ive always had mixed feelings on guys and ive realized my feelings now#basically; im not someone who hates men but i tend to be highly critical of them compared to how i am with women#like i always found the man hating feminists annoying and never agreed with their unhinged takes.#but there were certain aspects of guys that i could never shake off being uncomfortable about#there are of course exceptions. i love my bf for who he is#but even then i still have problems with him which is literally not even about him; its his male friends he has.#what also doesnt help was learning more private things about my bfs brother and how he treats the women in his life...#i now have a pretty negative perception on him too#and i think its just...bias? i know im not being fair thinking this way and i wish i didnt#guess my experience with the men in my life growing up made me this way...
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Three people have unfollowed me for not uwu-ing and glamorizing dissociative disorders, but instead giving facts of lived experience and medical professionals. Don't let the door hit you on the way out ✌️
#genuinely unbothered#i am highly uncomfortable with glamorizing ANY disorder#and find it outright offensive#because it is#mental illness is not your aesthetic#if you don't have any you should be very glad#they are living hell#okay?#okay.
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I pride myself in being known everywhere I go as just an abnormal little guy (positive)
#romy trivia: i do martial arts and i am no longer allowed to be the test dummy for most joint locks/pressure point strikes#bc my joints are loose and half of the pressure points on my body dont work for some reason SKSJSKSKSKSKS#me after being put into a joint lock that would make most people highly uncomfortable: ✨️ :3 ✨️#bitches want me bc im just built different <3#romy can talk#anyways i gave up on being 'normal' now i just want to be perceived as a little weird but a nice little feller anyways
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Why do people think they can ask about your diagnosis? Why do people think they can ask about your triggers?
I have never, not once, answered any of these questions in anything other than DMs. I'm not going to share my story, because people will go:
"Oh! That's bad! That all didn't ACTUALLY happen like you're saying it did!"
#actually epileptic#actually did#actually autistic#trauma#let me say.#fuck endos#.#fuck endosystems.#im traumatized#i am a traumagenic system.#that means that asking#'what caused your did'#makes me highly uncomfortable.#“just tell me”#he dont know#he dont remember.#please stop.#whether its clear info#or sensitive info#doesnt matter#you cant just ask something about someone's did#or trauma in general#and expect them to tell you.#signed#host: matt
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Oh, for fuck's sake. I had an expression (I couldn't help it) and involuntarily retreated two meters back down the corridor.
It's just like me fr
#murderbot diaries#murderbot#system collapse spoilers#martha wells#i too am ace and highly uncomfortable with mentions of sex#pls accept this very messy sketch i am stuck at an art fair booth
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i wish food didn’t control me as much as it did :(
#i just ate a salad but i feel like it was too much bc the dressing was olive oil based so…. :(#and i put cheese and other fattening things on it#and then i got a package from my mom for my birthday and she sent me chocolate and it just made me sad#i feel so alone :( i can’t find a way to talk to anyone about this#i’ve had friends express concern but i’m not underweight actually i gained weight since i started dating someone#and i’m not gonna cry about it to HER all the time this is my own shit to deal with#i just have such an unhealthy relationship with food and it always gets worse in the summer#i just feel really alone and i wish i could talk to someone without making them uncomfortable or putting too much on them#the obvious answer is to go to therapy but i live in a rural area in a country where i am not fluent in the language#and thinness is very highly valued here anyway so :(#what’s the point of anything….#i’m sorry i should be happy and grateful my parents sent me some birthday stuff but it just made me sad. i can’t even eat it
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when did we as a society start w the "doubles of me don't exist uu guys are just crazy and stupid" / "if uu think uu love [character] uu need to check uurself into a psych ward because they only love me" all over again
#➳ the fool speaks#like ok uu can be uncomfortable w doubles . i purrsonally do nawt relate but if those are uur boundaries i will listen to them bc that is#basic respect . but uhm . can we . purrhaps . nawt be ableist about it and throw around insults like that .#this isn't directed at all btw i've just noticed a massive influx of doubles being referred to as non-existent/insane/crazy/delusional/etc#which . wasn't that part of dnis a few months ago ??#shrugs#it just feels weird like ok idk man uu are ru.i and he's one of my main fragments or uur lyn.ette and even tho she's one of my lesser#fragments uu still don't want me to interact ? (RANDOM EXAMPLES) sure idm those are uur valid boundaries#but being called insane feels a little disheartening#and uu are allowed to be uncomfortable and i know for some it is highly distressing to interact w doubles which again . VALID .#but i think throwing an insult like that out there to somebun who maybe hasn't even followed uu yet . idk . . .#is this understandable ???? like is this making sense . am i uncomfortable for no reason . idk#ask to tag
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Finally blocked that person that made me uncomfortable ever since i joined Tumblr. Feels good honestly🙂
#I tried to be tolerant ngl#just a simp i thought#Maybe that person could even help my tolerance to Fangirls and Simps?#As i know my friends have to deal with that as well as Artists they even have it worse#But nope new post washed on my Timeline and this made me HIGHLY Uncomfortable#Like i am nearly spiraling the only reason i am not is because i am in a puplic space and cant have a meltdown#I am just a fragile fuck
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uggggggghhhhhh the problem with looking up Trinculo & Stephano lines is I'm having to read how they treat Caliban again and remembering why I dont like The Tempest that much D: D: D:
#lars speaks#arguably merchant of venice is probably worse but I've seen that Once#Tempest I have read and studied a bit bc I had it as my text for GCSE (so in nowhere near as much depth as I did 12N for A-level afterwards#so Unfortunately I know it much better and my soul is withering into dust remembering everything about Caliban#I'm not saying its not a good play but god it is uhhhhhhhhh yeah...#Im very much of the mind against 'cancelling' the highly problematic shakespeare works and I think they have a lot of artistic value but.#I am cringing so hard rn and Shrew is the same by GOD it is so uncomfortable which sucks when theyre supposed to be comedies
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