#i am grateful it's not as bad as i expected in those attitudes and i am also still enjoying the ability to just get a lighter scifi vibe

[milfbrainrot]

i am enjoying this show but i do think it's a good case study in how... not to worldbuild jlskdfklj.

i know it's not trying to be that deep, so it really is fine, but it's been kinda interesting to me picking up on things i don't think makes sense with the hidden connective tissue for what each society is supposed to be like and how they have developed from the present?

like everyone in most cultures thinks girls are fine and equal to men (ex. the moclan baby situation) and even if it's through an alien acceptance lens they're fine with gays (bortus and klyden) and even maybe chill with trans stuff ("ur kid can decide when she's old enough" in theory) etc.

but there are also so many jokes that stem from inequality that you wouldn't really think about unless you really considered it, like the Standard Straight Marriage Jokes you get with ed and kelly dependent on marital gender roles or alara having trouble with boyfriends who don't want a gf who's stronger than them (even though maybe the issue is her just being scary strong generally, it does come off like her super strength was almost created for the sake of "haha strong woman you would not expect it from" and to then make jokes that would hit with a modern non-introspective audience) etc.

if society has developed and done the work to actually get to a place of equality in these areas then those jokes and casual attitudes would be much less likely, and it makes sense to me that the guy behind family guy would not understand that or care because he is trying to appeal to a very standard modern audience the only way he knows how (uncreative jokes stuck in an outdated status quo).

[dilvuc]

𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: fluff

𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗: male

𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖑𝖊: flower in the web; chapter 零

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: baizhu x hutao's older brother!reader

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌: none

✎

You are seated at the front desk at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, just reading your book. But your reading time was interrupted when your younger sister, Hutao barged into the parlor…holding a literal child in her arm. It was Qiqi, the zombie girl from Bubu Pharmacy.

"I have returned with the client! Let's get buried!" Hutao cheered while you just facepalm.

✎

Returning Qiqi back to the Bubu Pharmacy, you forced your sister to bow down and apologized to the herbalist for kidnapping the poor zombie.

"Hey! No fair! I was so close!" Hutao whined, struggling to get out of your strong grip. You sighed, "Kidnapping a zombie from the Bubu Pharmacy, what will the owner think of this?"

"You mean Baizhu? Ugh! That guy!"

"Oh? What do we have here…? I don't think I've seen you before." You turned your attention to the voice, who might be the owner of the pharmacy. You bowed down and apologized, "Apologies for my sister's idiotic behavior. She's so desperate to bury the poor child."

"Oh? You must be the older brother of Hutao. I've heard rumors about your amazing talent, but I wasn't expecting to see you in person." The green haired male chuckled. "You aren't described as I heard from the rumors."

"Eh? What's the rumors?" You raised your eyebrows, curious about the rumors spreading about you.

"You have the spirit of a poisonous spider roaming around Liyue, giving people extreme misfortune and fear." Baizhu stated. "Some find you very…formidable."

"What? Am I like that…?" You inquired.

"You never put a smile on your face and your face always looks like you're glaring into other people's souls!" Hutao pointed out. "They thought if they put you in a bad mood, they might have misfortune coming their way!"

You pulled on the girl's cheek with a terrifying look on your face, "So you spread those rumors while I was gone…"

"S-see! Like that." The teen sweatdropped. "But it wasn't me! They were the ones who started! The people of Liyue!"

You softened your face and let go of the girl, "Ugh. Am I really that scary?"

"I think you are a fine gentleman. I've never believed those rumors that were spreading around the City of Liyue." Baizhu smiles gently, catching your attention. "When you see a spider, good fortune comes to you. It appears I have such a great fortune already coming my way."

You blushed while holding the back of your sister's collar when she's trying to take Qiqi and sneak out. You put up a smile and bashfully rubbed the back of your neck, "O-oh? You really think so…? I'm glad to hear that…"

"Hey! Let me go!" Hutao whined.

"My name is Hu [Y], the former 77th generation director." You bowed politely. The green haired male was grateful for your attitude. He was glad that you weren't like your hard headed sister. You two will probably get along.

"Baizhu and this is Chengsheng." Baizhu introduced himself and the snake to you. A snake? You didn't notice the snake. Chengsheng greeted you, "Nice to meet you…"

"Such a beautiful name and a cute snake there." You smiled. "No surprise, you have pretty eyes."

"Oh? Why thank you ~"

"Ew, are you two flirting?" Hutao gagged. You forcefully bowed Hutao's head, forcing her to apologize to Baizhu, "Apologized for my sister's idiotic behavior. With me around, she won't be a bother to you or Qiqi."

"I appreciate your gratitude. Are you interested in having some green tea, Hu Xiansheng?" Baizhu offered.

"Of course. I wouldn't mind. And please, just call me [Y]." You smiled.

"Ugh! Come on! Just let me finish my job!" Hutao whined. "Why do I had to be stuck between this?!"

rules

genshin masterlist

[itjazzbicch]

Be Careful What You Wish For

Pairing: Dracule Mihawk x Reader

First time writing for Mihawk, so I hope I did well

Summary: After running into Shanks and having a lot of drinks, the reader finds fun in poking at their rival, Dracule Mihawk, who arrives; their poking and teasing at one another leads them to a predicament that makes the reader see Mihawk as more than their rival

Warnings: Drinking, Shanks being a drunk goof (LOL), flirting

Word Count: 0.8k

“Y/N!! Sit down and have a few drinks with us, yeah?!”

Red Haired Shanks. It was no surprise to run into him, and I should’ve known that ‘a few drinks' would be a lot.

I was laughing and chatting it up with Shanks at this bar he and his crew stopped by, nearly clearing the place of liquor. There were no hard feelings between Shanks and me, so I wasn’t scared to let my guard down, even when my rival walked through the door.

“Mihawk?! What a lovely surprise! It’s just one big pirate party in here, aye?!” Shanks was so drunk he was wobbling in his seat, encouraging Mihawk, “C’m ‘ere and get a drink!”

“Drunk as usual,” He shook his head at Shanks, coming to the bar where we were sitting, eyes darting over to me, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“It’s a crazy world we live in,” I shrugged, smirking at him, “You, of all people, should know that.”

“That I do,” He mumbled, obviously having an attitude when Shanks butted his head into our conversation:

“OH MAN! I just realized you are both here! A little birdy told me that Y/N can rival your skill, Mihawk! Is that true?”

“Don’t make me- “

“Oh, it’s true,” Laughing and cutting off Mihawk, which filled in his words with a bit of annoyance:

“I’ll admit, Y/N is very skilled with a sword. “

Mihawk sounded like he meant those words but was staring at me. I wasn’t in the mood for any hostility, ignoring Shanks’ drunk ranting and winking at Mihawk:

“Relax, hon. I’m not in the mood to have a duel unless you show me a new sword.”

I referenced a specific ‘sword’ of his by quickly glancing between his legs then back up into his eyes, giggling as he got a drink from the bartender, till he leaned over the bar and mumbled:

“What’s so funny? I know for certain that is a ‘sword’ that you wouldn’t be able to handle.”

“Is that a challenge?” Cocking my eyebrow, we just stared deeply into each other’s eyes, but of course, this conversation was ruined by Shanks, who only heard my last words, exclaiming:

“Holy shit! Ya gonna have a duel and put on a show for us?!”

“Shanks, you drunk fool,” Mihawk groaned to himself, taking a sip of his drink while I handled Shanks:

“Sorry, stud, but we’d probably destroy this lovely establishment.”

“Awe, c’mon!” Shanks was too funny to me, cheeks bright red as I stood and said my goodbyes:

“Maybe next time we meet, I’ll put on a show for you.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Y/N!”

Waving and heading out of the bar, I needed to sleep off this buzz before leaving this island in the morning, but footsteps behind me caught my attention.

“Why am I not surprised? Did Shanks convince you to ‘put on a show’?”

“If I did, he’d be stumbling out here to watch,” Mihawk was telling the truth, but my hand rested on the hilt of my sword instinctively, “It’s a bit tempting, though. I noticed that you have a new sword.”

“You’re a bad liar,” Rolling my eyes, I wielded my sword, standing up straight and offering the duel, “Looks like Shanks is going to get what he wanted after all.”

“Who said that I was lying,” Running a fingertip across my blade, he analyzed it before pushing it down to the ground, standing before me, and getting his dig in on me, “Besides, I’d hate to break your new sword.”

“Oh my, I didn’t know you were a comedian in your spare time,” I dished back, putting my sword away.

“How funny,” One thing I didn’t expect from Mihawk was how soft his hand was as he patted my cheek, leaving me speechless for a change, a slight smirk on his face, “You should be grateful that I enjoy having a sparring partner.”

“Sparring partner?” Brushing off my fluster with a scoff, I gave another smirk back, my boldness shining through as I stepped closer to kiss his cheek, whispering to him, “I’m your rival, honey. Now, maybe a little grateful that I don’t show you what I can do?”

“I’m so scared,” He murmured, the tips of our noses brushing together, and it was hard to deny how much I liked having him as a rival, very much enjoying the teasing we kept dishing at each other.

“I wasn’t talking about my new sword,” Licking at my lower lip, I began to fight screaming temptations, observing as he removed his hat.

“You drank too much with Shanks,” He sighed, leaving a peck on my cheek, “We’ll have to see if those feelings remain next time we cross paths.”

Standing there holding my cheek, I was too stunned to speak as he stood tall, put on his hat, and turned away, ready to go about his way.

“You better prepare then,” I couldn’t let him walk away having the last word, but he surely did when he turned his head to me, smirking before disappearing into the night:

“Be careful what you wish for, darling.”

2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome

[soullikethesea]

Visiting old T.

I'm going to need more time to digest all of this. Here are just some of my initial thoughts.

Oof. That was more painful than I anticipated. I'm really glad that I got there a bit early and went to a toy shop. I ended up getting a bunny and it's already a big comfort - together with the garden cat.

I honestly felt a little shaky when I left old T and I still feel a bit shaky. Some things stood out to me and I don't think I'm being very kind in these observations. Old T deserves better, but still I want to share them because it's helpful to have a place to put them.

I felt like she was quite judgmental... some undertones here and there. Maybe I never really noticed before. She wasn't necessarily or just judgmental towards me, more in general. But the thing I did notice and in turn remembered was her attitude regarding Mae. She said that she remembers me from back then as an oppositional teenager and that I "threw" my emotions at her. I remember how misunderstood Mae felt back then and I could feel the lack of empathy again/still. Ouch!

Old T said that she worked so so so hard and it was difficult that we didn't really get anywhere. I agree that she (and I) worked very very hard AND that it was too much too soon, but I don't think that we never got anywhere at all. I think that she was relieved when I said that.

She said that looking back, she would have referred me out much sooner. I do agree that things have been much better with my current T. It was like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes things are outside of the scope of competency you have and I think she realized that in the end.

The first thing she said was that it was difficult to stop doing therapy with people (she's retired now) because you don't get that reward anymore of people looking up to you and being grateful to you. I think this is a very honest answer, but also one of the problems we had in treatment. If your expectation as a therapist is that you will get those things and then you end up way in over your head, that's tricky business.

I think she really wanted to help me and she got bitter over time when it was so difficult. Also, I don't think I am an impossible person - not even back then. I think believing that would be selling myself short. I actually think that both of us fell into a trap of thinking we could rush through trauma work without establishing safety in daily life first. Newsflash: would not recommend.

When I said that I can't yet work *with* a therapist on trauma stuff, more in the periphery of it or at home, she said saying "can't" is a bad thing and I should say that i don't "want" to do that. Which is totally not true!!! So I felt inner resistance with a vengence when she said that. :') I get why Mae wanted to protect us.

She did remember a lot about me and she said that my treatment still comes up in her thoughts quite a bit, where she wonders what she could have done differently, etc. I think she must have cared so much. Kind of like me with the autism kid that I still think about so much and know I couldn't do enough for.

One of the main things that is different from when I saw old T is that now I feel like I have my own back. I can see T and the trouble we had, and still feel that at the end of the day, I'm here. I've got my back. I'm going to be okay. The bunny was a good reminder of that. We love Mae. Current T also welcomes her, with all of her passion and fire. All parts are welcome now, not specific ones. I know how to welcome them. There is fire inside and it is what kept me going from when I was a child. When T said that I was such an oppositional teenager, I said that it is a coping style (of Mae) and in that moment I already had seas more empathy than she had, I could just tell. I'm sorry she got hurt. I'm sorry that I got hurt.

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Kokichi's fantasy (LHS analysis?)

I promised I would make a post about how I compromise my issues (which are easy to project onto Kokichi, for the most part they're already there) with his preferences. Some notes about the Love Hotel Suite itself first:

Shuichi assumes Kokichi's fantasy is going to be something crazy from the moment he gets there

he talks about trouble and being trapped by Shuichi, and Shuichi is confused about everything for a good portion of this, but the "Am I supposed to be chasing him?" and the immediate denial when Kokichi brings up torture, that he stands by even after being given the specific idea of bondage, and when Kokichi spells it out for him that he's talking about kinks. He only catches himself on that third denial, like wait, we shouldn't be arguing, I am supposed to go along with it, but he's just stumped by the idea of Kokichi wanting any of that, he can't make sense out of what is expected of him

and Shuichi's idea of playing along, getting in character, is to deny him again, he assumes Kokichi is saying all that as a distraction to rile him up and get away, he came to the conclusion that Kokichi wanting to submit has to be a ruse

then he's distracted from the honesty in "I was willing to let you do whatever you want to me" because of his name being used and he's again being distrustful "I can't help but think he means the opposite"

and that's when the switch happens "If you're not gonna do anything, then maybe I will."

"I stepped back reflexively. I had no idea what he was capable of..." he's no longer questioning the situation, now Kokichi is threatening to him and that aligns with how he sees him, so his reactions are no longer delayed

except, it's followed up by Kokichi telling him "no need to be scared" and that's again confusing Shuichi. "Having this kind of conversation only makes it harder to know why I am here..." idk, maybe if you didn't discard the time he told you straight up what he wanted as a lie

"Because you just do as you please, don't you, Kokichi?"

Kokichi: what if I wanted you to catch me? Shuichi: the most shocked gasp in the world. for some reason

after Shuichi's reaction doesn't satisfy him "I thought you would be more excited", he switches one more time, to the original plan "you can do whatever you want to me. And that's the truth.", just gives it a little push this time (literally), pretty ballsy that he even tried again, like, that's bold, and he's using that line on Shuichi's dead fish ass, Shuichi is giving nothinggg

the dissonance between "He pushed me hard on the bed." and "he sprinted toward the exit.", they way those are seconds apart.

"I'll think of a more exciting game for next time. So make sure you excite me too."

Actually, let's reference FTEs as well!

"I only act like a bad guy so you guys don't get too soft, y'know?" that line is interesting too, like yeah, it sums up the entire job he assigned himself in the game and he's throwing that at Shuichi immediately when approached, but also a pattern that keeps showing up, he plays a role that technically loses him credibility, but he's using it to control the situation, uses that subtle kind of manipulation that makes people think they're in control, or perhaps better than him, making their own choices

I am going to ignore Shuichi's attitude actually, for everyone's sake, especially mine

"Well, not as good as mine. I'll surprise you with a gift one of those days, Shuichi!" hmmm, am I reaching if I say that this is also kinda control freak behavior, cannot be indebted, cannot be bested like that, like this isn't just about reciprocation or gratefulness, it's I'll surprise you back and I'll do better

Kokichi: You wanna hang out with me? Hm, but I'm having a strategy meeting with Gonta right now. Gonta: Oh, then... Gonta can have strategy meeting later. AND YOU PEOPLE TRY TO SAY HE DOESN'T GET CUES, he knew where the priorities lay, doesn't need to be told, boss has to try to get some of that sheet cake

"Did you come to beg for your life?" tehehe "Get on the ground and beg like a dog!" kicking my feet even, and the comparison with other antags being condescending while he's just so. eager for it. even better

"I didn't see that one coming" but you know what's visible immediately when this choice is picked? That Shuichi gained a point, Kokichi can't help but be impressed by the rare moments when Shuichi is confident, he sees the man this thot could be

"Keep it interesting for me, kay?" be a good boy, Shuichi

and here it is, the reason I thought of including FTEs before considering salmon mode; "You only have three events left in your life, so you better entertain me until then!" and with the game they just played being rigged by him, that's four situations where he has something prepared for Shuichi, to simply put him in a situation that Kokichi devised, try to get Shuichi to understand, or at least remember him, but in a very specific, planned out way, welcome to control freak town

3rd event and "Then Gonta step aside like gentleman!" it happened again, I can't, Shuichi just came up to them, asked Kokichi to hang out and Gonta is pulling away before Kokichi can decide, this is sad actually, what about bros over hoes? what about the plan?

"Are we going to play more games today-" Nope, you're not allowed to predict shit, Shuichi. Perhaps he changed that one up, at least in order, just to subvert the expectation, or he expected that from Shuichi, it was pretty predictable, just like he could read from his face in the first fte

there is a lot more to point out about the FTEs that I will have to omit not to get sidetracked because the purpose of this is not full analysis, but of course, there is the iconic line "I reach out to him, but he doesn't take my hand. But in his own way... I think that helps me understand him a little." because you only get to hold his hand when he does the reaching out, it's his initiative, he's prepared for it, anything vulnerable or intimate has to happen on his terms, he's regulating the pace, he will run away or close in on himself if you push for it

and just to be throughout, the salmon mode before my conclusions:

okay, the reaction to comedy movie pick is a big one for the sub hc, this is exactly the kind of reasoning I see used to say why it'd be good for him

the Shuichi bullying continues, telling him to go to Tenko when he gets too bold, affirming what we already know about his walls being way up, he's not rushing into shit, he is not going to be disclosing anything vulnerable, no possible blackmail material, nothing casual, you're not learning his porn preference, Shuichi, you need to pass the five tests to hold his hand and enter the trust ranking where you can level up in your knowledge and privileges, you're not seeing him naked any time soon, don't even dream

(and it is not contradictory to say that they would fuck before establishing their relationship, talking about feelings can be a more difficult task than acting on them, and I love to see it, but like, canon universe Kokichi is definitely an inexperienced and manga inspired loser, so he will hold out on that, yearning until it explodes out of him)

finally, my part, so I just think that while Kokichi has the fantasy of submitting, he keeps it well hidden, as if it was one of those unrealistic kinks there's no point bringing up, because he can't bring himself to let go of control (and Shuichi, being as he is in canon, isn't showing much interest or capability to take over, really) he wants to work his way up to it, teases the idea, tries to get Shuichi to show more initiative, plans things out in hopes of tricking his brain into not activating the loss of control alarm, as he grows to trust Shuichi, he will learn to relax and let it go, eventually it'll stop being about control, "letting" something happen, no shifting power dynamics and vulnerability feeling like risking his life, it'll be simply reaching for pleasure together, in a cooperation that they managed to work out through learning each other's bodies and preferences.

but yeah, it's a long rocky road before they get there, and when they first get to intimacy they're both more comfortable with Kokichi taking the lead, it's easy, it doesn't require much discussing (and these bitches hate communicating like normal people), leaving the dynamic unchallenged but perhaps a little ungratifying, something that can't stay as is without eventually creating conflict, because Shuichi doesn't want to feel strung along and toyed with, but that's how it'll feel if Kokichi doesn't ease up his fearful grip on control, and he won't be happy either

[plasmasimagination]

Hi, could I get a match up? Idk if I should write my preferences or you choose yourself but I'd be glad men from honkai star rail or genshin, I love them both! 🩷

I'm a very calm INFP-T, wear classy clothes such as furs, pearl necklaces, loose sweaters, am rather introverted but whenever I meet someone new I put on a smile and take an initiative with talking.

I'm talented in drawing, love listening to 40's music and I drink tea almost religiously.

I don't like crowds so I avoid taking walks just because, if I have no reason to go outside then I stay at home and enjoy drawing or tidying up my room (which I also like). Most of the time I am by myself.

As for my physical appearance, I'm a 169cm girl/woman (idk, I'm legal but too young to call myself a woman, hah!) with blonde locks, blue eyes and slim body. I love a subtle makeup to make my feature pop. I have "sad eyes" if I may say so.

What else do I say? I'm easily embarrassed but I also know how to make people laugh. I'm very friendly and it's very hard to irritate me. I tend to overlook people's flaws but I don't get attached too easily. I'm an optimist and a romantic at heart.

I hope it's enough and I truly hope I you're up for the task! Wishing you all the hest, your blog is amazing ☺️🩷

Hi sweetie

.

.

.

Jing yuan

Absolutely two cuties together.

I think Jing yuan finds you just adorable! Like at times he'll just stare at you and think to himself about how gorgeous you are

He appreciates your sweet and polite attitude, since he is the general, having such a partner as his significant other is a good look for him (this sounds like it would make him look bad if you Warent I'm not saying that I'm saying it's nice that you're friendly bc the people of Xianzhou will love you)

He knows your dislike for crowds and doesn't usually take you anywhere where there are a lot of people, maybe a fancy restaurant at night, a picnic somewhere away from a city, or simply just a walk in the silent part of a part.

He's also a fanboy over your drawings, literally your biggest fan and sometimes just sits there and watched your draw without saying anything, also loves to show it off like fu xuan has already heard it all

KAZUHA

Two calm and sweet cutiepies

Also he's into music, you're into art, isn't that the best combination!?

He enjoys being with you, close to you, talking to you, generally being with you, he's the happiest vision holder in the world when hes with you

You can make him laugh, and that, he's grateful for.

Sometimes life takes a toll on him, sentimental feelings getting to him, yet all those thoughts leave his mind when a smile tugs on your lips when you attempt to make him chuckle.

Like a hand waved away all the dark clouds of his mind, his thoughts get lighter and he's reminded that after all, as long as there's you, his life has meaning, either for his heart to beat in rhythm to yours, or to witness the smile on your lips and the way your eyes stare into his, thats what makes him feel complete, you help him forget about everything, even for a second.

Expect a lot hand written hakus and poems, complimenting all about you, inside and out, it's a small way of him showing his appreciation

[mithrilhearts]

I am but a humble little anon with a small request for you because I liked the prompt…👀

“…you actually expect me to believe that you’re still alive…because of a cat?”

Alright, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with this prompt as soon as it fell in my inbox. I went a little overboard...and did not stick to my "these are going to be less than 1k a piece!" but that's okay.

Have some words from the AU verse of "Where The Shadows Lie"

“Oh! She’s a nightmare!” Bilbo growled as he paced back and forth while practically tearing his hair out by the roots. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when she gets here. All because she wants to borrow a few place settings, which I know I’ll never get back, but no doubt she’ll criticize the way I’m running the place, and not to mention–”

“Bilbo,” Thorin abruptly interrupted from his perch on the check in desk while watching his significant other look as if he were about to go toe to toe with some regular monsters. The kind that lived under his bed, rather than in them like Thorin did. “Relax.”

“You don’t understand, Thorin. My cousin Lobelia could be the solution to all of your problems! Send her after this Azog fellow, let her tear him apart with her snotty attitude and–” a set of hands were suddenly at Bilbo’s cheeks, partially squishing them, but primarily caressing. Curse vampires and their speedy movements. If it was Thorin’s intent to get him to be quiet, this vampire was in for some bad news. “She’s a Sackville-Baggins!” Bilbo blubbered through his squished face as his brows furrowed.

“And you’re a Baggins, but also a Took. If I know anything about either, you’ll be just fine,” the vampire murmured close before releasing his hands from Bilbo’s face, landing them on his shoulders instead. “What can I do to help?” And as Bilbo opened his mouth, Thorin’s head instantly shook in disapproval. “I am not biting her.” To which the human’s face wilted like that of a child being denied their desires.

“Realistically? Can you take the others out for a little bit? Much as I adore your company…I don’t know how confident I feel in letting those like Frerin and Nori loose around Lobelia, right now.”

A thick brow arched high and Thorin’s head tilted. “Not embarrassed by us, are you?” Specifically, him.

“No! No, I just…don’t know what she knows, you know?”

“I know.” Sighing, Thorin stepped away and locked his arms across his chest, a tell-tale sign when irritation was starting to itch at the back of his brain. “I promise you, my company will be far from this place when your dear cousin pays a visit. Less stress for you, and…perhaps a bit of fun for them.”

“Thank you. The last thing I need is for Lobelia to start squawking rumors to every relative, near or far.” Regardless of the family tree obviously separating into two, it wasn’t as if the Sackville-Bagginses never spoke to the Tooks. This was to protect Thorin and his brood–alongside some of Bilbo’s sanity. Stepping closer and rising on his toes to press a kiss to his vampire’s lips, it truly felt like kissing a stone wall. “Don’t be like that. I promise, it’s nothing against you, she just worries me is all.”

“Alright, if you say so.” 

Nothing was going to move the irritable mountain that was Thorin Oakenshield, and Bilbo had to accept that. He’d win Thorin’s favor later if possible, but for now, it was time to prepare for some family visiting, as no doubt Lobelia would be bringing her husband and her son along with her. More eyes for scrutiny, and more witnesses to Bilbo’s embarrassment.

….

Thorin had kept to his word and ushered the company out of the bed and breakfast for who knows what. Perhaps he’d simply used the ‘leader’ voice he was known for having and shooed everyone off, but Bilbo was grateful regardless. Part of him was still worried that his fanged beau was annoyed or under the impression that they couldn’t behave, but it was something to focus on later. For now, Bilbo had been keeping himself busy with vacuuming, dusting, and just looking busy.

Until that knock came, and Lobelia strode in with her husband and son at her heels.

��Good evening, Cousin!” Lobelia practically snorted with her nose to the sky, making an observation already of how the lobby was looking. “It’s getting a little dusty in here, isn’t it? Have you been slacking?”

“I’m literally cleaning right–” Sighing, Bilbo gave up on that attempt before he’d ever finished the sentence. “You wanted some plates and silverware for your dinner party, yeah?”

“Why are we rushing things? I hardly get to see you, and we don’t live that far away. Let’s catch up. Go put on some tea, if you’d be so kind.”

Being bossed around in his own house had Bilbo practically vibrating with annoyance, but he forced a grin on his lips and nodded. “Of course. I have scones too.” Day old, but Lobelia didn’t need to know that. “Right this way–Hello, Otho! Lotho! It’s good to see you again.” While neither had much to say aside from faint hellos, Bilbo was actually disappointed. It meant Lobelia would be doing all the talking, but what else was new?

Leading the way through the lobby, the little sitting room to the side, and into the kitchen, Bilbo just babbled about what he’d been up to–which were all lies, of course. From having guests come and go, to taking up new hobbies such as crochet (to explain some of the yarn that had been left out by Ori in the sitting room), it was…something. That is, until Bilbo came to a dead stop to stare at his kitchen counter that housed a plate of day-old scones and a large black and grey cat draped on the ledge just waiting for him.

“No wonder it’s so dusty and dirty! What even is that large…beast…?” Lobelia scrunched her nose, reaching out a hand to halt Lotho from charging forward, who seemed more excited to see a big cat in Bilbo’s house than the scones. “Don’t touch that, it probably has rabies. You did get this thing it’s shots, didn’t you, Bilbo?”

Bilbo, who was red in the cheeks and without a word on his tongue, simply stared at the large cat who lounged with a tail flicking lazily. Those bright blue eyes staring back at him and looking more annoyed than anything. “I…he’s just a cat, Lobelia, he isn’t going to infect you.”

“I bet there’s hair all over the scones–”

A loud objection of a meow came from Thorin, raising his head and narrowing his eyes on the woman with tight curls and an absurdly colored dress on her frame.

“Don’t look at me,” Lobelia snorted, waving her hand dismissively. “Shoo, feline. Honestly, Bilbo, I know you’re lonely, but a cat of that size will maul you in your sleep.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Bilbo muttered with a small grin pulling at the corners of his lips before clearing his throat. “He…saved me, really. His company is great, and I don’t know where I’d be without it.” Both Thorin’s and his actual company. To say they showed up at the right time in Bilbo’s life would be an understatement. Things had been looking dull and drab, and then some vampires fell through his door. “He gives me a reason to wake up in the morning.” A dark admission if ever there was one, but it was honest, and it gained Thorin’s attention.

“You actually expect me to believe that you’re still alive…because of a cat?”

 “Yes. Now we can move on from Acorn Majesty, don’t mind him, he won’t do anything to you, so long as you don’t do anything to him. So, I’d stop insulting him if I were you.”

“Oh, please. All I have to do is change the pitch of my tone, and he won’t know any differently.” Putting on a brave face, Lobelia strode forward, standing right next to the counter and reaching a hand out. Her lips curl into the sweetest grin as she began to scratch at the top of Thorin’s head and behind one ear. “You don’t know anything I’m saying, do you? A ridiculous thing, but that seems suitable for he who is your master–”

Thorin hissed and nipped at the hand close to him, his fur bristling and claws extending to be more threatening, which got the reaction he wanted. Lobelia stepped back, cradled her hand that had barely been grazed–no blood was drawn–and just looked bewildered. Another loud hiss escaped Thorin.

Bilbo tsked his lips, practically tutting Lobelia like one might do to an ill-behaved child. “I told you so. He’s very smart, and he hates yellow.” Which just so happened to be the color of Lobelia’s dress. “The dishes, then? Or did you still want some cat-hair-covered scones and tea?”

“I don’t think I want either! Not if this thing has been around them!”

“I let Acorn eat off of those plates all the time, he’s a very high maintenance cat, you know,” Bilbo snickered as he watched Thorin’s legs stretch and his paws extend as if reaching for him. Scrubbing a hand beneath Thorin’s chin and picking him up like the oversized baby he was being, all Bilbo could do was find some amusement in this turn of events. If all it took was a grumpy cat to ward Lobelia off, maybe he should have mentioned it before! Don’t mind the cat when you get here–it could have saved them a lot of trouble.

“Thank you for your…generosity, but I think I’ll pass on borrowing any of your stuff. Otho, Lotho, we’re leaving–”

“But mom, I want to pet the cat–” A firm hand landed on Lotho’s arm to pull him away.

“He’ll bite, we’re leaving. Next time Bilbo, we’ll catch up at my place. Just wait for an invitation…for you, only. No cats allowed.”

Bilbo highly doubted he’d be getting an invitation anytime soon, and that was alright with him as he grinned, waved, and felt a feline’s head nuzzle under his chin, purring loudly like a laugh as the door to the bed and breakfast opened and slammed closed.

“So much for your promise, Thorin,” Bilbo sighed, but he wasn’t mad, not in the slightest! Relinquishing his hold on that ridiculously large feline in his arms as Thorin wiggled about, Bilbo grabbed a scone and simply leaned back against the counter.

“I kept my promise,” Thorin huffed as soon as he was back in his more human form, dusting off the front of his vest. “I said my company would be far from this place, I never said anything about myself.”

Pausing, Bilbo fixed his significant fanged annoyed with a look and shrugged. He’d give Thorin this one, but next time he’d learn to read between the lines, or ask for specifics.

“What was that about having a reason to wake up in the morning–”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“I want to know.”

“You want to know? Okay. Before you came around this place felt like a tomb–” holding up his hand and frowning, Bilbo was not in the mood for any vampire jokes at the moment either, not that Thorin was one to crack them often. “–my parents are gone, this place gets little to no traffic, and I start finding myself up to my eyeballs in debt just to keep this place running, and shit seemed hopeless no matter what I tried. I was ready to sell and move on, or worse, but then you guys showed up and gave me a near heart attack, but…things changed.”

Bilbo found himself with a purpose, and while the financial situation of his life hadn’t really turned around, what the company had paid did ward off the bank for a little bit. Then of course there was Thorin, someone who Bilbo’s heart had grown very attached to. Someone he wanted to help out of a mess, just as the vampire was unknowingly helping him out of his own. 

“Things aren’t as lonely, Thorin, and that saved me.” Bilbo’s eyes had dropped, his lips forming a distinct pout as he shifted uncomfortably under Thorin’s gaze. 

Just as before, a set of hands pressed to the sides of his face, but with far less squishing and desire to silence him. If anything, Bilbo noted just how gentle the touch was as a kiss pressed to his forehead.

“Just as you saved me, then,” Thorin murmured against Bilbo’s warmer skin. “Loneliness is the worst kind of enemy, even when surrounded by a great deal of people. But I make this promise, I will not abandon you to that, you hear me?” 

And as Bilbo lifted his head, catching sight of that soft expression Thorin wore, no longer feeling or looking like some variation of a brick wall, Bilbo couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath, latching onto the vampire and nestling under his chin, just as the feline version of Thorin had done to him moments before. “Nor will I abandon you. That’d be bad work of me as your bodyguard–”

“Bilbo,” Thorin warned, a loving type of exasperation in his voice.

“Thank you for sticking around. At least now I have a weapon against Lobelia, and I get to keep my mother’s best china.”

Snorting, Thorin stroked a hand against Bilbo’s back. “Happy to help ward off your enemies, and protect your mother’s dinnerware.” Another kiss was pressed to Bilbo, this time atop his head and into his curly mop of hair.

“My hero.” And in more ways than one, that was for sure.

[exploringaspec]

November Carnival of Aros Submission: Aplatonic vs. Loner

When I think of the term aplatonic, fear comes to mind. Do I really want to write about my feelings of being aplatonic (or more specifically grayplatonic in my case) in a book that my family, friends, or co-workers might read? The stigma of not having many friends is one that I fear. Once, someone asked me if I was a loner. The feeling of fear and not knowing what to say struck my heart. The idea of not having a lot of friends makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, that I’m broken. 

In WebMD’s article, What is a loner?, it begins by stating, “Being a loner means that you would prefer to be by yourself rather than with others. Depending on the context of the situation and your personality and preferences, this could be a good or bad thing.” The first section continues by stating, “Loners display varying degrees of wanting to or needing to be alone. There are positive, healthy reasons for being a loner, as well as negative, destructive reasons.” While I appreciate the positive attitude that addresses the healthy reasons for spending time alone, I feel like the stigma against those who are not attracted to spending time building friendships is still emphasized. 

The creation of the aplatonic sprectrum as an identity is an attempt to step away from that stigma and accept that it is ok to not feel an attraction to the idea of being friends with someone. But can this spectrum ever breakaway from the stigma of being loners? Aspec people frequently write about the ability to form strong friendships and platonic partnerships as being just as important as romantic or sexual relations to allos. I have never identified strongly with these feelings. While I do have friends and make an effort to find friends when I move to new cities, I have rarely felt such a close bond with friends that I would liken it to being on the same level of importance as a romantic relationship. 

In May 2022, I wrote my first submission for Carnival of Aros on being non-partnering. I reflected on the bullying that I experienced, and how it was related to the selective mutism. Because of this experience, and others, I wondered if my experiences with mental health did affect my feelings and desires. For me, being someone who has experienced selective mutism and never sought counseling on it, I feel that the times that are difficult to speak are not just fear based, but who I am. It makes me feel neurodivergent in a way that hasn’t been recognized. This inability to think of things to say beyond the basic conversations of getting to know someone and my career or academic pursuits, makes me seem boring. It’s hard for me to connect with many people or be attracted to maintaining a friendship. I really only maintain friendships with others who are willing to be my friend without judging me, who have common interests, and don’t mind that I’m not going to want to chat with them on the phone regularly. I’ve made friends through board game groups, work, Jewish social events, Chicago’s AVEN meetup, and Meetup.com groups that have events that interest me. I’m grateful for the supportive friends that I have made over the years. So, I don’t really identify with the term aplatonic, but do feel that grayplatonic or noetiplatonic could be an appropriate identity for myself. 

Surprisingly, I wouldn’t consider myself non-partnering anymore. I never expected to meet anyone that I would want to date. Several months after writing about being non-partnering, I actually met someone who had a crush on me so much that he wanted to go on a date. After several dates, I realized he was so caring and accepting of my faults that I was willing to be in a romantic relationship with him. The mental connection that we had was similar to the one other time that I had a crush on someone, who didn’t want to date me, that I feel like the microlabels would be noetiromantic and recipromantic. After being in a relationship with him for nearly a year, I’ve definitely learned a lot about relationships with people that are alloromantic and allosexual, but I think I need to save some insights for the book…

[fixfoxnox]

Something In The Orange - Part 5

Summary: Roach must deal with unexpected hostility from Ghost

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, angst, somewhat graphic depictions of violence

Note: This fic is also being uploaded to my Ao3 if you would prefer to read it there!

Word Count: 10k

"To you I'm just a man, to me you're all I am

Where the hell am I supposed to go?

I poisoned myself again

Something in the orange tells me you're never coming home"

"Something In The Orange" - Zach Bryan

Roach had come into the 141 with a positive attitude, trying to give the team a real chance despite his heartache. During the first few months of his time with the 141, he was sure that Jackson had been right. While his heart hurt anytime he saw Ghost, he was able to ignore the loss of his past relationship in favor of working to create new relationships with the team. 

Over those first few months, he’d found himself quickly creating a friendship with Soap once again. Similarly, he found himself creating a friendship with Gaz. He hadn’t known the man in his first life, but he found himself wishing he had and grateful that he’d been given the chance to get to know the man in this life. 

Roach even felt that he’d created a fairly strong relationship with Price, the man becoming almost like a parent to him with the way he was a mother hen about his bad luck on missions. Really, things were going good in endearing himself to the 141. Well, mostly good. 

Endearing himself to Ghost was going to take time, something he certainly knew returning to the 141. However, he hadn’t expected to be months into his time with the team and still feel as though he hadn’t made any progress being let past the man’s walls. It made it far more difficult for Roach to get past the pain in his chest. It hurt him to know he would likely never regain the love that he’d lost from his first life, but it hurt more to not have a relationship with Ghost at all. If he couldn’t have a romantic relationship with Simon, the least he wanted was to have a friendship with him. 

Ghost seemed almost determined to avoid becoming friends with Roach, or even to get to know him at all. He was brushed off whenever he attempted to hold a short conversation with the man. It was odd to him. The Ghost of his past life had been hard to get to know but had never purposely avoided someone for no reason. He also felt that this treatment from Ghost had come out of nowhere.

Roach thought he’d at least slightly endeared himself to Ghost during the training and testing for the 141. The man had seemed impressed with his skills and more than willing to allow interaction between them. Now it was like things had completely changed. 

“Ghost do you think-” Roach’s mouth fell open as Ghost completely walked away from him, ignoring any question that he’d been about to ask. He was both annoyed and shocked at Ghost’s blatant disregard for him. 

This had been happening for nearly a week, Ghost practically avoiding Roach like the plague. It hurt him. It hurt him even more when he would immediately move straight over to Soap who he would begin a conversation with. 

Along with being ignored, it was like Ghost was making an effort to specifically let him see his relationship with Soap. Roach had walked in on the two in a private moment at least once a day, not even counting the number of times Ghost would walk away from him and directly over to Soap for a kiss or some other form of affection. 

Most of the time it sent Roach away as quickly as possible with shaky hands, a red face, and a heavy heart. He didn’t know if Ghost and Soap were doing it on purpose, or if they simply didn’t realize that they’d been showing so much affection around him. He prayed that it was the latter, knowing that if it was the former it meant that the two had likely picked up on his feelings for Ghost. 

From behind Roach came a low whistle, he didn’t have to turn to know it was from Gaz. “What did you do to piss Ghost off?” 

Roach shook his head, “I don’t know. He’s been like this for a few weeks.” He forced himself to turn away from where Ghost and Soap had lightly entangled their fingers together, “He’s been cold since I joined, but I thought it would get better, not worse.” 

Gaz gave him a look of pity, “If I’m honest with you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him act like this with anyone. Even the people he doesn’t like.”

That stole the breath from Roach’s lungs. He couldn’t understand what he could have done to make Ghost dislike him so strongly. The room around him became stifling and he found his gear from the short mission the team had just returned from seemed to suffocate him. He was sure that it had been easier for him to breathe when there had been fire and gasoline burning his lungs. 

“I need some air,” he muttered to Gaz, hoping the words were enough that the man would let Price know that he intended to return to properly put up his gear. For the time being, he slung his kevlar vest off as well as his utility belt, leaving them behind on the bench in the locker room before rushing past Ghost and Soap and out of the room. 

The hallways of the building acted as a bit of a labyrinth for his addled mind. His breathing was shallow. His eyes went wide. He couldn’t think clearly. The walls of the building seemed to blend together into a mass of beige that was indistinguishable from anything else around him. He felt as though he’d stumbled into a funhouse tunnel that had no exit. 

Finally, mercifully, he managed to stumble out into the cool air of the night. He took in deep breaths, air rushing into his system and burning his throat with its coolness. He hunched over, his hands on his knees as he tried to regain control of his emotions. It was a difficult thing to do, especially when he’d been pushing them down for so long. 

“Roach?”

Roach felt his system freeze and his breathing once again go shallow. He’d left the locker room in hopes of managing his emotions without any other members of the 141 seeing him. Now, he looked up, caught out and embarrassed as he met the concerned gaze of Captain Price. 

“Roach, are you alright?” Captain Price approached him as though he was approaching a startled doe. Quiet, calm, and with his hands held out in peace. Roach didn’t see that though, instead, he saw a hunter, with a knife poised to strike all because Roach couldn’t manage his emotions. 

“I’ve- I’m-” Roach stumbled away from Price, “I-” He took in a gasped breath, “No.”

With that, Roach turned and practically sprinted away, ignoring his Captain’s calls of concern from behind him. 

He wasn’t sure how long he ran. He wasn’t sure which direction he was running in. All he knew was the burning in his legs and lungs that told him he was alive. He was afraid that if he stopped running, he would realize he wasn’t. 

It all felt rather silly to him, to be having such a strong reaction to the possibility that one person disliked him so much. He couldn’t help it though, not when that particular person was Ghost. Not when Ghost had been one of the few people that Roach had felt strongly enough to call his family in his first life. Not when he had spent all of his second chance at life trying to get back to him. 

Eventually, Roach couldn’t run anymore, stopped only by the fence surrounding the base where the 141 had taken up residency. He thought briefly of scaling the fence, his frantic mind almost following through before he could stop himself. When he turned around to walk back and give himself a running start, he spotted the better option. 

The armory was a tall building, but a tall building with a ladder that led to the roof. So, in an effort to get further away without doing something stupid like scaling the fence of the base, Roach decided it would be better to climb to the top of the armory and collect his thoughts. 

The choice proved to be a good one when all of Roach’s energy left him nearly as soon as he’d reached the roof. He had to fight to fully pull himself up onto the top of the armory and not simply let his body fall back to the ground below him. Once he’d finally pulled himself over the railing of the roof, he simply let himself fall to the ground, his cheek meeting the cool concrete of the roof in a slight sting of pain. 

He laid there. He wasn’t sure how long he just laid on the roof, his eyes and mind deceptively blank as his chest heaved for breaths from not only his burst of energy but the weight that still remained from his interaction in the locker room. He felt quite pathetic. 

It was odd for Roach to find himself at such a new low once again. He thought that he’d passed the days of his first life haunting him when he killed Shepherd. He thought he’d finally closed that part of his life. He realized quite suddenly that he hadn’t. Perhaps the chapter of his life that was tainted with the fear of his death had ended, but another had opened in its place. 

He didn’t understand what he’d done wrong in this world. He’d done his best to just be himself and not let his memories of what once was taint his current life, but he thought that he must have failed somewhere along the way. 

It hit him then, that perhaps this was the breaking point that Jackson had tried to warn him about years ago. The dangerous point of no return where he let his old life completely consume him, that desire to return to that old life slowly killing him. The flash of that thought pulled a sob from his chest. 

Roach drug himself up from the ground, pulling himself to the railing of the roof where he could prop himself up and stare out at the darkness of the night. 

Roach sat there, on the roof of the armory, for hours. Tears flowed freely down his face as he sat and not long into his tears, he found his throat going painfully dry and a pounding form in his head that matched the beat of his heart. 

Though he couldn’t stop his tears, he could weigh his options. 

He’d enjoyed the last several months, the only negative being his inability to endear himself to Ghost. Aside from that, returning to the 141 had been nothing short of a blessing in his life. Sure when his mom called now he couldn’t really share anything that he was doing, and sure, he was busy all the time, but it was the sort of busy that kept your mind happy and your energy up. It was exactly what Roach had been hoping for. 

Still, as the orange of sunrise began tinting the sky, Roach couldn’t help but think that if the 141 was truly enough for him, then he wouldn’t be sitting on a roof crying. He watched the sun begin peeking out over the horizon, his chest aching in a way it hadn’t done in years.

He forced himself to finally, truly, focus on Ghost. The sunrise reminded him of long recon missions that the two had done together in his first life. There was one in particular that came to his mind.

The two had been sent by Soap to collect information on a small town leader who had Makarov’s hand in his pocket. They suspected that Makarov had been using the town as a cover of sorts, so Roach and Ghost had been assigned to monitor activity going in and out of the town. 

The mission had lasted overnight and the Russian air had been much cooler than Roach expected, which was exactly how he’d found himself tucked into Ghost’s side as they both looked through their scopes at the town below. It had been fairly early on in their relationship, but he remembered the solid press of Ghost’s form against his side, providing him warmth and a sense of stability he didn’t think was possible to have on a mission. 

When the morning came and the two knew that they’d have to move towards their extraction zone sooner rather than later, he found that he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of Simon. The man was wearing his mask of course, but he was bathed in the yellows, oranges, and pinks of the rising sun and Roach could have sworn he’d never seen something so beautiful in his life. 

Ghost caught him staring, he always caught him staring. During the early period of their relationship, Roach was always embarrassed when he got caught. His face would go red under his mask and he would tear his gaze away from Ghost as quickly as possible. The same happened that time, his gaze moving back to his scope as quickly as it could. It was only moments later when Roach felt Ghost’s hand press against his own that he dropped the scope. 

The two didn’t do much, they couldn’t on a mission, so they just pressed themselves impossibly closer, their fingers tentatively tangling together. Roach hadn’t ever thought he could find something like that for himself, that sort of romance that set his heart ablaze and made him feel at home even in moments when it shouldn’t have been possible. 

It was certainly something Roach was missing, especially now as he stared, alone and heartbroken, at the rising sun. The memory and the situation were hard for him and his immediate thought was that he needed to pull back. If this treatment from Ghost could send him down a spiral of hurt that he hadn’t felt in years, then maybe it was dangerous for him to stay around. 

But Roach was stubborn. He was hard to kill, but he was also persistent. He wasn’t going to give up on the 141 or the friendships that were blossoming for him just because of one man. 

The thought calmed him a bit and he began the slow and steady process of calming his nerves. He focused on the things around him. The sun, the sound of crickets, the wind against his skin, the smell of metal on his hands, the taste of sweat from his skin. A deep breath in. A deep breath out. 

As Roach fully came back to himself he registered a few things. The first was that he was likely in a world of trouble when he saw Price again. He hadn’t properly put up his things and that was a big no-no. The second was how cold he was. With the sweat that had been on his skin from his run and the cool breeze of the night, he found himself shaking from how cold his skin had become. The third was that he had an insanely long walk to make. In his sudden sprint, Roach had run all the way across the base without even realizing it. 

Still, with these three things in mind, Roach didn’t start moving until well after the sun had risen above the horizon. 

Somehow, he managed to get back to the locker room, put up his things, shower, and grab something small to eat from the cafeteria without seeing any of the members of the 141. While this might have been a blessing, it only served to make him more nervous about the odd absence of the team. He knew he’d have to face at least Captain Price sooner or later, which is exactly why he decided to just get it over with and make his way to the man’s office on his own.

Knocking on the door was one of the most nerve-wracking things that Roach had done. Actually going into the room when Price responded was likely the most nerve-wracking thing he’d done. 

Price was looking down at some paperwork on his desk, but as soon as he looked up and spotted Roach the work was tucked quickly into a file folder. “Roach.”

“Captain Price,” Roach stood ramrod straight in front of Price, “I came to apologize for my behavior last night and take whatever punishment you see fit for me.”

Price seemed confused, “Roach, you aren’t in trouble.”

“I didn’t properly put up my equipment and I missed the mandatory post-mission meeting,” Roach noted, “That’s grounds for discipline sir, and I’m more than willing to take whatever punishment you see fit.”

There was silence, Price staring at him with a deceptively blank face before he let out a deep sigh and motioned for him to take a seat. Roach did as he was told, tensely sitting in the seat across from Price. 

“You aren’t in trouble.” Price held up a hand to stop Roach’s protest, “You aren’t in trouble. That’s final.” Roach looked down then. He didn’t want to meet the concerned gaze from Price. “Are you alright?”

Roach was surprised at the question. He opened his mouth to give a quick and easy reply, but a look from Price was all it took for him to know that wouldn’t work. He thought for a moment, his mouth opening and closing over and over before finally, he landed on, “I am now Captain.” 

Price nodded, though he didn’t seem wholly satisfied with the answer. “Alright. I’m not going to ask you what happened, or ask you to explain.” Price made a point to meet his eye, “If you ever need anyone to listen. Or if you ever want to see someone professionally about this, you can come to me, Roach. I’m here for this entire team, and I don’t want to see any of you under that kind of stress and dealing with it by yourself.”

Roach quickly looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with Captain Price through his words. Despite the nerves he felt crawl up his neck at Price knowing that something was going on with him, it was oddly comforting to hear that the man wasn’t going to hold his emotional break against him. “Thank you, Captain.”

Price gave him a small, almost unnoticeable, smile, “Alright Roach.” He pulled the papers back out from his file, “We’re having a meeting in twenty, conference room 3. I want to see you there.”

Recognizing the dismissal, he stood, “Yes, sir. I’ll be there.” Price gave a nod and Roach, with one final pause, turned and left the room.

Roach was, surprisingly, the second person to arrive in the conference room. 

He’d decided to take a quick stop by his room to grab his scarf, he’d left it off after his shower, but the present from Jackson had become a bit of a safety blanket for him. By the time he’d grabbed his scarf and made his way back to the conference area, there were only ten minutes until the meeting was set to start. He was very early and he was quite sure that he’d be the first in the room. 

That was until he opened the door to the conference room, freezing once he spotted Ghost, the man in a, somehow, more casual mask than the one he wore on missions. Ghost turned to look at him briefly, but soon he was looking away, no words spoken, as though he hadn’t even seen him. Roach pushed down a huff and the annoyed feeling that flooded his chest in favor of marching into the room and taking his usual seat across from where Ghost and Soap would sit. 

He paid no mind to Ghost as the two waited, both purposefully avoiding the other's gaze in favor of staring off at the wall. As the clock continued to tick down to when the meeting was supposed to start, Roach grew more squirmy. He wasn’t a huge fan of silence, especially not when it came to sitting around Ghost. Sure, he knew Ghost wasn’t likely to speak, but in his first life he’d felt comfortable enough to fill the silence with his own excited words and Ghost would listen happily. Now, Roach wasn’t sure that if he tried to start speaking that the man wouldn’t get up and leave the room. 

Roach felt that ten minutes had passed, but he couldn’t be sure. After all, it was still just himself and Ghost in the room. When Price entered the room only a moment later, his eyes sweeping over a file in his hands, Roach was sure that he was going to question the absence of Gaz and Soap. Instead, the man kept his focus on the file for a moment, leaving the two others in the room staring.

Finally, Price snapped the file closed and lifted his head to give Ghost and Roach a playful smile. “Thank you both for showing up. I’m sure you’re both wondering where Soap and Gaz are.” He looked between the two, “This meeting is for the two of you only, and when I say that it's for the two of you, I mean that in a moment I’m going to leave the two of you in here by yourselves and, unless you want to face punishment, you’ll stay in here until you work things out.”

Roach risked speaking, “Sir?”

Price sighed, “It has come to my attention that the two of you seem to have a personal problem with one another.” Roach tensed and a glance out of the corner of his eye told him that Ghost had done the same, “I don’t care what the issue is, but I want it worked out between the two of you before you leave this room. Do you understand?”

Price didn’t give either of them a chance to respond before he was opening his file back up and casually strolling out of the room, leaving the two men both alone with a struggle that Roach didn’t fully understand to work out. 

The atmosphere of the room thickened rather quickly, both Ghost and Roach realizing that they’d essentially been tricked into a sit down with the other. Roach didn’t know whether the meeting that the two were being forced into would help or hurt their already strained relationship. 

The two sat in silence for what had to be nearly thirty minutes, Roach growing more and more jittery every second. Eventually, he found his knee bouncing rapidly and his hands viciously picking at his nails. He was growing tired of the continued silence, tired of Ghost sitting as cool as a statue as his nerves ate him alive. 

“Listen,” Roach finally forced himself to start, “I don’t understand what I did to earn your mistrust or hatred or whatever it is.” Roach stopped himself and took a breath. “Price told me that you recommended me for the 141. I know you think I’m skilled enough to be on the team. So,” Roach reasoned, “it has to be something with me that you have a problem with. So If you would just explain what the issue is, I could explain myself or fix it or the two of us could come to some sort of understanding.”

There was a long pause, Ghost staring silently at him rather than speaking. Roach sighed deeply, still picking at his nails and tapping his heel rapidly. he finally pulled his gaze away from Ghost, realizing that the man likely wasn’t going to speak. He should have known, after all, even the Ghost from his first life had been stubborn when it came to fights and actually dealing with people that he didn’t like. 

He remembered one time in particular when Soap had made a jokingly flirtatious remark on Roach’s “form” while shooting and, despite being good friends with Soap, Ghost had given him the silent treatment for nearly three weeks. The memory made Roach chuckle, though a glare from Ghost caused him to quickly stifle it. He pondered the memory for another moment before a lightbulb went off. Perhaps Soap and himself had simply swapped places in the scenario and because Roach hadn’t realized it, Ghost hadn’t quite let up. 

He wasn’t going to share his theory with Ghost, instead deciding to wait a little longer to see if the man would finally give in and air out his issues with him. After another moment, Roach sighed, “Alright well. If you don’t plan to talk then there’s no point in us sitting here. We’ll just have to take our punishment from Price.” He stood from his seat and turned to head to the door before stopping, a thought forcing its way to the front of his mind. Though his sensible side screamed at him just to move on, he didn’t intend to listen. “If the reason you seem so against me has to do with your relationship with Soap, I want you to know that I don’t have a problem with your relationship.”

Roach paused for another second before once again turning to leave. He only made it as far as the other side of the table before he was stopped, to his surprise, by Ghost’s voice. “You need to stop staring at Soap.”

“What?” Roach was rather caught out. Sure, he would occasionally look at Soap with a fondness for their friendship, but he rarely ever stared at the man.

“You need to stop staring at Soap.” Ghost met him with a blank look, “I’ve gotten used to the fact that Soap is going to get looks at any new base we go to, but what I can’t get used to is a member of my own team giving him those looks.”

There was a moment of silence as he fully processed what Ghost was saying. He thought that Roach had a thing for Soap. Roach couldn’t quite understand how he’d gotten that idea. Ghost had very literally caught him looking at him numerous times. “I’m sorry-” Roach cut himself off with a shake of his head, “I don’t-”

“I always see you give me this guilty look when I’ve caught you, but what do you do? You go right back to staring.” He noted the way that Ghost’s fist clenched, the only indication of his anger at Roach’s perceived slight to his relationship. 

Suddenly, with those words, Roach understood where things had gone wrong. Maybe Ghost had caught him staring at him, but it seemed he didn’t understand that he had been staring at him and not Soap. Roach supposed that his usual flight method of redirecting his gaze to the closest things away from Ghost, usually Soap, hadn’t helped. The whole thing seemed rather silly and Roach, in what he would call a state of insanity, started to laugh. 

“You’re laughing?” Came the voice of Ghost, his tone now tinted with his obviously growing anger. Roach, though he recognized that he should likely stop laughing, only found himself tilting over to clutch at his stomach as he recognized how absurd his current situation was. Here he was, a man who had died and been reborn and worked his ass off to find the man he loved once again, and here was the man he loved who thought that Roach was in love with his boyfriend. “I’m not joking Sanderson. If this is going to continue being a problem, I will not hesitate to make a report.”

That served to sober Roach up, though a few giggles still escaped his system, “I don’t have a thing for your boyfriend, Ghost. I’ve not been staring at Soap.”

“I’ve caught you-”

“Staring at you,” Roach admitted. Perhaps telling the truth wasn’t the best plan of action, but it would at least give him a better chance to explain things and maybe help fix the relationship between the two. It seemed that Ghost wasn’t expecting the answer he gave because Roach could see the shock in his eyes through that mask that he wore. “I’ve been staring at you. And when you catch me, I move my eyes to the closest thing next to you, which, most of the time, is Soap.” 

Ghost shook his head, “You’ve been staring at me?”

Roach sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before sitting in the closest chair he could find. He wanted to tell Ghost the full truth, but he knew he couldn’t. So he would tell him the closest thing he could. “Yes. I’ve been looking at you. I,” he hesitated, “I’m just going, to be honest with you. You remind me of my fiance.” 

Ghost looked taken aback, “I wasn’t aware that you were engaged.”

Roach gave a sad smile, “Technically I’m not. Not anymore at least. I suppose I should have called him my ex-fiance, but that never feels right.” 

“What happened to him?” Ghost’s voice came out much softer than Roach expected, but he pushed away the shock to take comfort in his tone. 

“He was shot, KIA.” Roach turned away from Ghost briefly, “Not many people knew we were in a relationship, much less engaged.” Roach thought about Simon, his Simon. The one who would listen to him ramble about anything and everything with nothing short of interest and affection in his gaze. The one who was often times far too protective, to the point of jealousy. The one who had laid cuddled with him in bed and said yes when Roach, feeling hazy with affection, asked him on a whim to marry him. The one who’d died with Roach in a life that he could never go back to. He felt a tear slip down his face and he was quick to wipe it away. This was the most honest he could be with Ghost, and it felt more vulnerable than he liked. 

“I remind you of him?”

Roach nodded, turning back to meet Ghost’s gaze, “He wore a mask all the time. He was special forces and hated for the enemy to see his face.” Roach paused, “I asked him once why he wore it all the time. He told me that it gave him comfort, to have that separation.” Roach looked down at his hands, once again picking viciously at his nails. “I didn’t mean to make you think that I was trying to be a homewrecker or something. I just…it’s hard not to see him in you.”

There was a silence that settled around the two, Roach quietly waiting for a verdict from Ghost. It was odd to speak to the man about a version of himself, but Roach could only hope that he wouldn’t pick up on the fact that he wasn’t giving him the whole truth. “I’m sorry,” came the eventual reply. 

“Don’t apologize,” Roach offered, “I shouldn’t have stared.”

“I should have spoken to you,” Ghost replied, “I’ll do better in the future.” It was a military response, but one that put a soft smile on Roach’s face. “Would you be willing to start over?” Roach looked up to meet Ghost’s gaze, “I’d like to have another chance to get to know you.”

Roach could never, in this life or his first, say no to Ghost.

“...so, they stop the vans outside of the facility and Graves starts spouting all this shit about how we’d done our job and he was taking Alejandro’s base for himself.”

“Oh, I bet Alejandro loved that,” Roach leaned his head on his hand, a small smile on his face as he listened to Gaz and Soap tell him about their missions to keep several missiles from being used in the US. Roach was honestly surprised it had taken them so long to tell him this particular story, especially when it had only happened around six months prior. Occasionally Ghost would chime in with a detail that the two left off, obvious amusement tainting his voice. He looked rather calm, and very happy, an insane difference from the tense and stand-offish Ghost that Roach had been dealing with four weeks ago.

It seemed that airing out his trauma to Ghost was good enough to fix their issues. Where Roach had once been ignored and very strongly disliked, he now found himself being quite easily welcomed into conversations and activities with both Ghost and Soap. It reminded Roach a lot of his last life and numerous times he’d caught himself forgetting that the Ghost and Soap that he was currently speaking with, weren’t the ones he once knew. 

“Oh yeah, he was livid,” Soap let out a snort, “Stormed Graves and everything. Ghost and I realized pretty quickly that we weren’t on the same side as Shadow Company anymore.”

Roach let out a whistle, “How did you guys get out of there?”

“Little bit of gunfire and using their men as a body shield,” Soap stated a bit smugly.

“Followed by getting shot and sliding down a muddy hill?” Ghost teased.

“Alright, Mr. Guerrilla warfare,” Soap lightly hit Ghost’s arm, “Sorry that we weren’t all prepared to be betrayed at the drop of a hat.” Soap shook his head playfully before turning back to Roach, “So I found myself in Las Almas, a gunshot wound to my arm and no weapons to defend myself.”

“Let me guess,” Roach teased, “With enemies around every corner?”

“Yes!” Soap looked between a chucking Ghost and Roach, “Hey, I was fighting for my life out there with only my wits and my fists.”

“And Ghost in your ear,” Gaz added, “But sure, just your wits and your fists.” 

“Haud yer wheesht!” Soap playfully hit Gaz, causing Roach to laugh harder. 

“English Johnny,” Ghost joked. 

“Yes, English please,” Roach snickered. 

“Like you’re one to talk bug,” Roach froze for a split moment at the comment. It was the first time he’d been called Bug since his old life, and it came from Ghost. 

He ignored the ache in his chest in favor of tossing the man a confused look, “And what does that mean?”

“It means that with your southern speak you’re hard to understand Sergeant, just like Soap.”

Roach was horrified, “Y’all’ve gotta be joking?” That sent Gaz and Soap into a laughing fit and pulled a chuckle from Ghost. “Hey! I don’t know what the hell you’re laughing at!”

“What was it he said the other day,” Gaz choked out, “When we were doing the training course?”

That sent Soap into another fit of laughter as he tried to speak but broke out into giggles when he would get one word out. “He- Ican’tbreath, he said he was “sweating like a whore in church,” He broke into another fit of laughter and Roach felt his ears go red. Soap and Gaz were practically on the ground with how hard they were laughing and even Ghost had a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. 

Roach let out an indignant huff before replying, “I hope y’all are good with Jesus cause if you don’t stop laughing I’m gonna send y’all to see him.” 

Soap and Gaz only laughed harder so Roach, with his cheeks red and an indignant huff, realized he was just going to have to wait for them to get ahold of themselves. Ghost, for what it was worth, seemed to be more in control of his laughter, only shooting Roach an amused look every few seconds as opposed to laughing his ass off with the other two. 

Finally, after a moment, Soap and Gaz seemed to calm themselves down, an occasional giggle still escaping their mouths. Roach, assuming their laughing fit was mostly over, decided to get back on topic, “So, did you guys handle that Graves guy? Or is he still running around somewhere.”

Soap waved him off, “Oh we handled him. We got Alejandro’s base back and I, single-handedly, killed Graves while the fucker was in a tank.”

Roach’s mouth dropped open slightly, “I’m sorry he was in a tank when you killed him?”

“Yup,” Soap leaned against the table smugly, “Coward jumped in a tank rather than facing me by himself. I just threw a few charges of C4 onto his tank and boom.” Soap made an explosion motion with his hands, “Bye, bye Philip Graves.”

Roach stared at him for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing, “Wait go back.”

“What?”

“His name was Philip Graves?”

“Yeah?” Soap didn’t seem to follow Roach’s thought process. 

“I’m sorry, you guys were working with a guy whose name was literally fill-up-graves and you were surprised when he betrayed you?” Roach let out a little snort. 

“Well, you’re looking at it in hindsight okay, he seemed fairly trustworthy.”

“I never trusted him,” Ghost chimed in, “Not a bit.”

“What?” Soap turned to Ghost, “You totally trusted him.”

“Soap his name was Philip Graves and he worked with a secret unit called Shadow Company, I didn’t trust him at all.”

Soap let out a huff, “Well this is the first I’m hearing of this.”

Roach felt an amused smile tug at his lips as the two continued back and forth, Gaz meeting his gaze with an amused smile of his own before the two focused back in on the bickering between Ghost and Soap. 

Being back in Kazakhstan with Soap was oddly nostalgic. Sure, things were different this time around, but it was still oddly similar. 

While Soap and Roach were technically the same ranks this time around, Soap had taken lead during the mission because of his greater experience on the 141. This meant that when Soap delivered the plan to him prior to the mission, he had felt an odd sense of deja vu take him over. 

That sense of deja vu was back in full force as Roach and Soap, each bundled up in a large coat, took a short break on a snow-covered cliff, their target just above them. 

The 141 were now a year out from when they’d taken Shepherd out, their hunt for Makarov going cold for the longest time until finally, finally, they’d caught a break. An inside source who Laswell had referred to only as “Yuri” had connected with the 141 and was feeding the group little bits of information that he could on Makarov. Such as the current thread of information that Soap and Roach were following. 

According to Yuri, Makarov was using the oh-so-familiar base in Kazakhstan as a home for a hacker whose entire job was to decrypt and store any information he was given. Soap and Roach had been given the task of finding the hacker, killing him if necessary, and taking as much information as they could from the base without being noticed. 

Of course, the return to the hunt for Makarov would begin in a nearly identical way to the way the one from his past life had. 

Roach took the opportunity of the break to observe Soap, noting that though the mission was so familiar, Soap hadn’t magically started to look like his old self. He still had that air of youthfulness about him, making a point to keep his mohawk neatly done and his beard, mostly, shaved down. 

Roach liked the look. It suited Soap more than he liked to admit, and with the cold creating a rouging effect on Soap’s cheeks, he had to admit that the man really was quite handsome. He’d known that, of course, it had been hard to ignore it, even in his old life. In fact, Roach remembered that during his first mission with the 141 in his first life, he’d been quite flustered nearly every time that Soap had spoken to him. That flush of red that would come to his cheeks at speaking with Soap had gone away when Roach’s attention had turned to Ghost. Roach found that it had come back during the last few months of his time on the 141. 

Of course, his feelings for Ghost hadn’t faded, in fact, he would argue that they’d only grown stronger since Ghost had stopped, well, ghosting him. No, rather than Roach’s feelings for Ghost disappearing, it was more like feelings for Soap had simply wormed their way in besides his affection for Ghost and somehow grown. 

“Alright Roach, breaks over. Let’s get moving.” Soap shot Roach a comforting smile before standing and beginning to shuffle his way along a tiny ridge on the cliff. Roach, praying that Soap hadn’t noticed his staring, followed. 

Using the ice picks to climb a wall of ice wasn’t Roach’s least favorite part of the Kazakhstan mission, no, that had been the jump to a wall of ice that was almost designed for him to fail at. So when he and Soap approached the jump once again and Soap made it easily, Roach wanted to curse everything around him. 

He hoped, that perhaps this time the ice wouldn’t break under his pick and that he’d be able to make it without Soap having to save his ass. After a moment, he steadied his nerves and turned to walk away from the cliff. He stopped when he was far enough, taking one last breath before beginning a sprint toward the edge of the cliff. 

The jump was the most exhilarating part, but with the wall of ice approaching him quickly, Roach found that he couldn’t enjoy it for his shot nerves. As he hit the wall of ice, he slammed his pick into it as hard as possible, his arm stinging slightly as he hung from the wall. He waited for a moment, waiting for the ice to splinter under his pick and send him plunging down the cliff. When, after a moment, it seemed that it would never come, Roach let out a sigh of relief.

“Roach,” came the call from Soap, “You alright?” 

Roach looked up to meet Soap’s concerned gaze. “I’m good,” He dug his spiked boots into the ice to take some of the pressure off of his arm, “I’m right behind you.”

So, Roach and Soap began a slow ascent up the wall, Soap pulling himself up before Roach had even made it to his last few hits. He stood above him on the cliff, watching his progress closely and occasionally giving him a word of encouragement. Only a moment after Soap had pulled himself up and Roach logged his pick into the top of the cliff, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. 

Of course, that would be the moment that the ice decided to give in. He noticed it first, the cracks splintering out from where his pick was. He started to quickly shove himself up, hoping to beat the cracking of the ice. Soap noticed only a second before the ice splintered off, Roach’s pick dropping from the ice and sending him flailing backward. 

Soap managed to grab a hold of Roach’s wrist, pulling him back as best as he could, his boots dug into the ice as he leaned his entire body weight into helping steady Roach from where he was essentially hanging by only Soap’s grip on him. 

Thinking as quickly as he could, Roach grabbed his other pick and slammed it into the ice on the edge of the cliff. This ice began to splinter as well, but Roach wasted no time in using the temporary leverage and Soap’s help to pull himself up and over the edge to the flat ground. 

He and Soap, now dealing with both of their weight going in the same direction, fell into a pile together at the top of the cliff. Roach rolled himself off of Soap as soon as he could, the two laying side by side for a moment, their breathing heavy as they looked up at the sky. “I fucking hate ice,” Roach finally muttered, pulling a quick snort from Soap. 

“The feeling is mutual.” 

The duo took another five minutes before they began moving again, both noticeably more on edge as the base came into their view. 

Things grew more and more familiar as Roach and Soap worked together to take down two of the guards patrolling the outside of the base. As they approached further, the snow around them continued to thicken until Roach could hardly see a few feet in front of him, relying once again on the heartbeat sensor attached to his gun. 

Just as before, Soap took his position at the top of a nearby hill where, with thermal, he would provide overlook for Roach. Roach, naturally, was meant to sneak into the base and find out which buildings the hacker was located in. A bit of recon was much less terrifying than his mission in his first life to plant C4 as a distraction. 

“Right Roach, I’m in position. Move slow and steady and use the snow as cover. I’ll try to warn you from up here, but once you’re inside the buildings on base I won’t be able to help you.”

“Right,” Roach muttered into his comms, “Moving in.” he made sure to keep low as he circled around the entrance to the base, watching his heartbeat sensor closely as he moved. When he moved closer to the gate of the base, he noted one man resting against a parked jeep, completely unaware of Roach maneuvering behind him. It made him an easy kill, a hand around his mouth then a knife into his throat. 

Remembering his old life and the trucks of men that had appeared moments after he’d made his way into the base, Roach took the extra time to roll the man's body under the Jeep where he hoped it would go unnoticed. “Moving past the fence.”

“Right, you’re clear directly ahead but be aware, there are groups of guards patrolling around the area.”

Roach didn’t answer, quickly moving into the base and crossing the road to the right. He planned to systematically clear the buildings and see if he could find a computer or one of the men's radios to give him information on where the Hacker was located. 

The first building was, mercifully, empty, allowing Roach to quickly and quietly head toward the next building. He could see that there were at least three people ahead of him on his sensor. The first happened to be stationed directly outside of the building he had planned to clear. With the man facing his direction and being fully on alert, there was no way that Roach was going to be able to sneak up on him. 

So instead, Roach delivered a quick shot to the man with his gun, the suppressor getting rid of practically all of the noise the weapon made. With the door to the building he planned to clear open, he was forced to rush forward to catch the guard as he fell, nearly collapsing under the man’s weight as he did. Finally, though, he managed to steady himself and gently set the man's body to the ground where it wouldn’t be seen. Clearing the room after that was as simple as two shots to the men inside before either could make a noise. 

“Soap, I found a computer.” 

“Fucking phenomenal Roach,” Came Soap’s excited reply, “Put the drive in and we’ll see if they’ve got any good info in there.” Roach did as he was told and stood on guard for the several seconds it took for the drive to decrypt the computer. Once that was done he only had to wait on word from Soap, “Nothing on the hacker, but some good information on future weapons deals,” Soap responded. 

“Amazing,” Roach replied with a pout, “So I have to keep crawling around out here in the cold?”

That pulled a chuckle from Soap, “Oh c’mon now Bug, you’ve definitely had to do worse.”

Roach chose not to respond, his cheeks red at Soap calling him ‘Bug’ in the same way that Ghost had been doing for the past several months. 

He steadily made his way from the building, back on full alert as he was blinded once again by the cold and snow. As he began moving around to one of the slightly larger buildings he could hear something rumbling in the distance before, “Roach, be aware, several enemy vehicles approaching the base. Stay out of their sight.”

“Copy,” Roach changed his course towards the back of the building, using it as cover as several vehicles began passing his location. “Soap I’m heading into the building in front of the gate, four tangos inside.”

Roach waited for Soap to give him the okay before he bust the door to the building open and shot all four of the men inside before they could reach their weapons. “Another computer, this one bigger.” 

“Bigger is always better,” Soap responded. 

Roach snorted, “Not always.”

“Mind out of the gutter bug.” He could hear the amusement in Soap’s voice. 

Roach, just as he did in the last building, plugged the drive into the computer before silently waiting. “Roach, be advised, one tango moving towards the building you’re in. Front door.” 

Thinking quickly, he moved beside the door, his knife in hand as he waited silently to see if the man would enter. Sure enough, the door swung open and Roach could hear the gasp from the man as he spotted the bodies. It gave him enough time to swing up, stabbing him twice in the chest before he could shout for help. He pulled him into the room as he did so, letting the door to the building fall shut behind him as he laid the man’s body on the ground. He nearly dropped the man when there was a sudden noise from his chest, a quick look telling him that the man was wearing a radio. “Soap, I’ve got a radio.” He pulled it from the man’s chest, holding it up to his ear so he could properly hear the garbled Russian. 

“Use your translator,” Soap responded, “They might mention something about the hacker.”

“Nothing on the computer,” Roach asked as he plugged the translator into the radio and then into his ear so he could understand what was being said. 

“Nothing,” Soap confirmed, “Keep going.”

“Are we sure we can trust this Yuri guy?” Roach asked as he moved back out into the snow. He had Soap in one ear, and the Russians in the other, making it extremely hard to focus on his next destination. 

“Price seems to trust him,” Soap commented, “And if it was a trap, I figure we’d be dead by now.” 

“Point,” Roach murmured as he approached the next structure, this one a full-sized building. As he approached he could hear something ahead of him thump to the ground and when he got closer, he could see that Soap had dropped the guard in front of the building, “Finally pulling your weight I see.”

“Haha, very funny.”

“Sorry,” Roach murmured, “But who is sneaking around a base crawling with enemies solo, and who is resting on top of a hill completely out of danger?”

“Be glad I like you, Roach,” Soap shot back, “I wouldn’t let just anyone get away with saying things like that.”

“Aww,” Roach cooed, “You like me? Better not tell Ghost, I’d hate to die because his boyfriend fell for me.” 

“Numpty,” Soap muttered. Roach let the line fall silent as he moved up beside the door of the next building. 

Just as he was about to make entry, he caught the tail end of a sentence in his ear and paused. He listened intently as the men on the line discussed bringing the hacker, a man they referred to as the Trojan, some sort of machinery. Roach moved away from the door to the building, finding cover as he listened and hoped that they would mention where the hacker was.

“Roach?”

“Quiet,” Roach muttered, “They’re talking about the hacker.” Another few moments passed before one of the men finally mentioned where the hacker was, likely for a new recruit who was being forced to make the delivery. “Soap, the hacker is in Hangar Four.”

“Excellent Roach,” He could hear Soap moving through the line, “Race you to the Hangar.” The line went quiet and Roach rolled his eyes. It seemed that even in different lives, Soap still hadn’t changed much. 

Roach made his way to the hangar as quickly and quietly as he could, finding that by the time he got there, thanks to multiple stops to wait on guards to pass or kill them, Soap was already there, a smug smile on his face as he waited. “Cheater,” he muttered.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Soap responded with a cheeky grin, “Alright, let's get in here. Stay alert, there's no telling how many men are inside.”

Roach gave Soap a nod and soon the two were quietly entering the hangar from the backdoor, taking out two men who were in the little room attached to the back of the building. From there, the two looked through the little window on the door, noting the five men who were meandering around inside the building. 

“You take the three on the right,” Soap nodded to Roach. Roach, resisting the urge to make a teasing comment about once again doing most of the work on their team, nodded back to him. Soap quietly and carefully opened the office door, both men quickly moving into the hangar. From their cover, Soap motioned a quick three, two, one before both popped up and took out their respective men. 

The two carefully and quietly moved further into the hangar, Roach following Soap’s motions as the two moved to the stairs that would lead them to the upstairs office. As they moved up further, they could hear shouting in the office, both looking at each other concerned, but not moving any quicker until they heard a gunshot ring out. With that, both moved quickly to the door to the office, Soap giving another countdown before busting the door open. 

Soap was the first in and thus the one to drop the only man in the office, a man who was not the hacker. It only took Roach a few seconds of observing the room to realize what had happened. 

“Shit,” He knelt next to the body of the hacker, “They killed him.”

“Must have had orders to execute him if someone showed up,” Soap muttered. He was already looking around the office, plugging a drive into one of the computers in the room. Roach stood, prepared to help him when he heard shouting in his year from the radio he’d picked up earlier. 

“Shit, Soap, the guy alerted the base, there’s probably an entire army of people headed here right now.”

Soap let out a curse, pausing for a moment before, “Price, this is Soap, we’ve been compromised, we’re heading to the LZ a bit earlier than expected.” Roach couldn’t hear Price’s response, the man on another line from the one he and Soap had been using for communication, but he could guess that whatever he told Soap wasn’t exactly good news. “Fuck, alright. We’ll be there in ten.” Soap turned to Roach, “Listen, I’m going to go down to the hangar and plant some explosives by the entrance, you get as much intel from up here as possible and meet me downstairs in one. The plane can’t land by the base so we’re going to have to fight our way down to the LZ.” 

Roach gave a nod, his lips pursing in annoyance. Of course, the plane wouldn’t be able to land closer to their location, his luck just wouldn’t allow that. Within a moment, Soap was rushing down the stairs to lay some traps and Roach began quickly taking pictures of anything and everything hanging in the office and parsing through the drawers and closets in the room. He let Soap’s drive continue loading as he moved around the room. 

Upon opening one of the small cabinets in the room, Roach was met with a locked safe. Luckily for him, the safe was a rather easy crack, the code to it written on a whiteboard in the room. A rather human mistake. Upon opening the safe, he found several files and a laptop that he was quick to shove into his bag. Once done with that, he grabbed Soap’s drive and started towards the downstairs hangar. 

By the time he made it down, Soap was setting up his last charge of C4. “All done?”

“All done,” Roach confirmed.

“Good, let’s get moving. Now.” Roach and Soap began backtracking out of the hangar, hearing shouts for the two to exit the building from the front as they made their way out of the, surprisingly, unguarded back door. 

It allowed the two to quickly and quietly hop a low area of the base’s fence and begin tracking towards the LZ unnoticed. Of course, it helped that Roach had a radio and could tell Soap exactly when the men had breached the hangar, allowing Soap to blow the explosives that he’d planted and turn the hangar into a giant flaming ball. 

“Absolutely beautiful,” Roach commented after looking over his shoulder at the large fire, “You should do that more often,” he joked as he turned to face a grinning Soap.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Soap joked as the two continued moving. 

With the explosion as cover and no one at the base knowing where they’d gone, Soap and Roach were able to make it to the LZ with no further fighting. 

“So the whole trip was pointless?” Roach crossed his arms, frustration clear on his face. He and the rest of the 141 were being briefed by Price and Laswell about the information that they’d gained from his and Soap’s brief trip into Kazakhstan. Roach had no real issue with the mission, assuming that he and Soap would get some information that would help the team pinpoint Makarov’s location. However, upon hearing that the teams had found practically no worthwhile information on any of the drives, files, or laptops that he had gathered, he was feeling fairly annoyed. 

“The trip wasn’t pointless,” Price gave Roach a calming look, “We got a lot of good information, information that’s going to help us with our next mission, and information that has gotten us closer to Makarov.”

Laswell nodded along, “The information was good, just not what we thought it was going to be.”

“So what was it,” Gaz asked, leaning back in his chair.

Laswell and Price looked at each other before Laswell clicked over to the next slide on the presentation she’d put together. Roach noted the variety of maps and recon pictures that were now in front of him. There were probably around fifteen different markers on the maps, each of which was in, mostly, contained areas. “The information Soap and Roach gathered in Kazakhstan didn’t tell us Makarov’s plans, but they did give us access to a collective database of all of the bases of the ultra-nationalists as well as upcoming weapons deals between Al-Quatala members and Makarov’s men.”

“We’ve shared the information on Al-Quatala with Farah and her fighters, they’ve agreed to tackle the bases and meetings in Urzikstan.” Price motioned for Laswell to go to the next slide, this one a closer image of the location of the bases in Russia, “Which leaves us to handle the bases and deals in Russia.”

“Sound’s like hell,” Soap commented, “That's ten bases in total Price.”

Price nodded, “I know. Lucky for us, we’re not going to have to actually go into the bases.” 

“No?” Roach asked, his head tilting. 

“No,” Price nodded, “US Army Rangers are handling it in a joint operation with the Russian military. Because of your information, Makarov and his bases have been declared a valid national terrorist threat.”

Roach let out a brief sigh of relief. Getting Makarov and his men declared as terrorists wasn’t something that the 141 had been able to do in his past life, at least while he was alive. It meant that the group was constantly in the shadows trying to take out Makarov and it made it easy for the man to constantly weasel out of their grasp. 

“So what’s our mission then?” Ghost asked, leaning forward in his seat. 

“You’ll be handling the weapons deals,” Laswell flipped to the next slide, “Unfortunately, the first two are happening within days of one another, meaning you’ll have to split up to handle them.”

“There’s a smaller force meeting here,” Price pointed to one of the markers on the map, “Our understanding is that it's only weapons that they intend to trade. The other force is here,” Price pointed to another point on the map, “Our understanding is that this trade is all the materials that they need to make more bombs than they’d know what to do with.”

“Right,” Ghost nodded, “Soap, Roach, and I on the bomb trade then?” 

That was usually how it went when the 141 had to split up. Typically Price would take Gaz with him on his half and Soap and Roach would follow Ghost’s command. “Not this time,” came the surprising reply from Price. “Roach will come with me to handle the weapons deal and Gaz will go with you to handle the bombs.”

There was a moment of silence before, “With all due respect captain, but surely it would be better to have Roach with us?” The words came from Soap, “With a larger force we’ll need Roach’s weapons expertise to help us out,” Soap paused for a moment before tacking a “No offense Gaz,” To the end. Gaz waved him off, looking equally as confused by the sudden change from their normal split up. 

“I have to agree with Soap,” Ghost added. Roach noted that he looked fairly tense, as though uncomfortable with the change.

“Since you’re handling the bombs,” Price started, “You’ll need someone with some explosives experience to help Soap in case one has to be set off or stopped from going off. Gaz has the explosive experience, Roach doesn’t.” Price looked around the group, “And, though the weapons deal is smaller, there will only be two of us and a load of unfamiliar weapons. I need someone with weapons expertise. Are we all in agreement on the split?” 

Gaz and Roach gave their confirmation fairly quickly, but both Soap and Ghost seemed to hesitate before also giving confirmation. With that Price gave them a nod, “Alright then, we leave tomorrow, 0800 hours. You’re dismissed.”

Prev: Part 4

Next: Part 6

[always-rolling-my-eyes]

Ok, no one asked, but here are my thoughts / impressions of the DWTS 32 cast, and I’m going to be honest, I had to google more people on this cast than any other season before so 😬:

Excited for:

Ariana Madix: I am obsessed with all things Bravo and the #Scandoval was literally my entire life for about for 4 months. She has dance and performing experience, and I think she’s going to be really good. Plus, having Pasha as a pro, the choreography he is going to give her 😍 (not to be morbid, but this is actually the couple I’m most sad that Len won’t get to see 😢)

Alyson Hannigan: I was a Buffy fan and loved HIMYM (until that god awful finale 🤮) so I am so happy (but very surprised tbh) to see her on the cast. Idk how much of a natural mover she’ll be, but I think she’s going to have a really great attitude and just enjoy the experience. I am expecting typical Sasha so…yeah 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jason Mraz: I’m mostly excited for him because he’s with Daniella tbh 😂 she always does such great work with her partners and is able to pull the very best out of them. I can see him being a good performer and them being a very strong team. Also, yay to new mommy, Daniella! 💗

Mira Sorvino: Romy! I know she has had a rough time (fuck you H*rvey W*instein🖕🏻) and I hope this journey brings her happiness and joy and she sees how much support she has and why, oh why did they have to partner her with Gleb 😩

Intrigued by:

Tyson Beckford: Wow. He is 😍 isn’t he? And apparently his only dance experience is a guest performance with Chippendales (shocking 😂) which will be interesting because we all know how Jenna is as a teacher 😬. I predict a lot of shirts being taken off 🙄 (but also 😏) And again, yay to new mommy, Jenna! 💗

Matt Walsh: Seen him guest star on almost every sitcom ever 😂 and I see his trajectory going one of two ways: he’s terrible and voted out early, or he’s the lovable guy the GP falls in love with because of his dedication and journey. He’s either low hanging fruit or a dark horse and with Koko as his partner, I would lean towards dark horse.

Mauricio Umansky: So…(separated?) husbands of Real Housewives are stars now? Whatever 🙄 and honestly out of all the House Husbands, I am unbelievably grateful this is the one they chose. (istg if it was any of those misogynistic animals from RHONJ, I would not have watched this season) but anyway, I think he’ll work hard but not take it too seriously (not in a bad way) and he’ll have fun with it. Plus, it will be a cold day in hell before I don’t support Emma Slater. And aren’t they both single? 😏 I want an entanglement in the ballroom! 😂

Barry Williams: I’m only intrigued because we’ll probably get some sweet Florence Henderson mentions / memories because of him 😢. And Peta is definitely the designated first out partner atp. But it probably works for her so 🤷🏻‍♀️ and yay to mommy x2 Peta! 💗

Have heard of them, but don’t know them:

Charity Lawson: I know she was the Bachelorette but other than that, I got nothing. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But I always root for Artem, and he’s pretty consistent with his partners and choreography. That combined with Bachelor Nation, very possible they make the Finals unless she is absolutely, undeniably terrible (which I doubt) or if shenanigans happen

Xochitl Gomez: I’ve heard her name before, but I always thought she was a singer 🥴 my bad 😂 I haven’t watched anything Marvel related in almost two years, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ she’ll probably go far especially because of the Disney / ABC connection as well as Val being the most production assisted pro in DWTS history (sorry, but y’all know how I feel about Val 🤮 😂) but I do think she’s going to be fun to watch and actually be a good dancer, I just don’t have faith her partner will give her good choreography. We’ll see how (or if) that effects things (probably not)

Had absolutely no idea who they were:

Lele Pons: Influencer? I guess? She seems nice and I love how excited she is to be on the show. I think she’s going to be a lot of fun and maybe this can be a breakthrough season for Brandon🤞🏻

Harry Jowsey: Reality Star? Dating show? Youtuber? I have no idea tbh. And, not to go all Karen Smith, but if he’s British, why isn’t he on Strictly? 🤨 But very much looking forward to Rylee as a pro. I always enjoyed Lindsay as a teacher / choreographer, so let’s see if it runs in the family 😂

Adrian Peterson: I WISH I STILL DIDN’T KNOW WHO HE WAS. WTF 🤬 Poor Britt. To go from Daniel to this? The ultimate downgrade 😔

Don’t give one single fuck about:

Jamie Lynn Spears: I have made my feelings on this vile creature known 🤮 Apologies and best of luck to Alan (not really tho because I want her foul ass eliminated asap)

[dimpledpran]

~ getting to know your BL mutuals ~

Rules: answer the questions and @ some people. Include the tag ‘g2ky BL mutuals 2022’ on your post so we can find everyone’s answer.

Thank you for the tag @morkofday​ ! As always, i enjoy reading your thoughts. Not al all surprised about how VV is basically your personality at this point.

Disclaimer: I am going to talk about series that I watched this year, and not just those that were released this year. I really didn’t watch all that much this year.

What have been the BLs that took you by surprise this year?

Bad Buddy: Really went into this with no expectations, and honestly I still don’t understand what made me watch this halfway through while it was airing, but best decision I made. (Well I kinda do regret not watching it from the start) It just completely consumed me. I love Patpran so much. They have taken over my brain and heart. I love how this series has such a good mix of humour, angst and is also more real/relatable with the issues they address.

Not Me and The Eclipse: Lumping this together here because I really did not expect any BLs that would address such heavy themes. I just wish they were handled a bit better.

Dew The Movie: I did not know anything about the movie going in, so watching what happened really threw me off. But it was a nice/wild ride.

Kieta Hatsukoi: Aoki and Hashimoto really stole my heart. I love how chaotic and hopeless they are. They were so dramatic but also quite relatable! 😂

What have been the BLs that you felt a bit disappointed with this year?

KinnPorsche: Maybe it’s because I had too much hope going in, or because it was so hyped up. Or maybe because I had a lot of personal stuff going on when it was airing, but I just couldn’t get involved with the series. The finale ended up confusing me instead of giving me conclusions, and I’m not really a fan of that. Thanks to friends on discord that helped me understand it a bit better. Though this series introduced me to Jeff Satur and I’ll forever be grateful for that!

The Eclipse: This series started out with so much potential! The pace was brilliant, the cast was incredible and they really were trying to address the hard topics in a metaphorical manner. But towards the end, it really started to show that they didn’t have enough time with the planning and post-production. It felt like such a rushed ending and was honestly disappointing. It could have been the top of the year if handled better.

What has been your favorite BL (watched) this year?

Bad Buddy: This is my ultimate BL at the moment. Not even for the year, but generally speaking. I Fell in love with PatPran. Pran is so damn relatable, like I’ve never identified with a character as much as I do with him. I can go rambling for days about BB, so I shall stop her and not bore people with my BB brainrot.

Vice Versa: As much as I am mad that we didn’t get a proper development/conclusion for TessTun, I still enjoyed this series. It was all the more enjoyable with all the screaming with Vish. But also as a very visual person who loves colours, this show stole my heart. I loved the colours and the visuals in this series. The locations were all so new and beautiful! As a sucker for a soulmate AU, I loved their twist on that trope! And of course Jimmy and Sea stole my heart.

The Eclipse: Yes, i know I said I was disappointed with it, but I also really enjoyed it. The ending did feel very rushed. But other than that, it was a really good series. The cast did a brilliant job! Like I knew they can all act, but honestly I was so impressed with their skills!! Khaotung and First had the most beautiful breakdowns, Khaotung also sold the bad boy attitude in the first 5 minutes when I was so used to seeing him as the sweet little brother character, and it was so refreshing to see a new side to Neo! So yes, I’d watch it all over again just for them! Also they did deliver a few surprises, so that was interesting.

Not Me: Again, I feel like the ending could have been more polished. It really showed that they were rushing with the filming and airing. GMMTV needs to stop rushing them and airing shows while they are still filming. It really destroys the quality. But it did well to address the heavy topics! Of course I love seeing OffGun in anything, but they truly had an amazing cast. I couldn’t stop looking at Mond, Sing, First and Gawin. Also I Fell in love with Film. This series also felt so real because it showed how life is very unjust, and it showed the problems of the common people. So it was very refreshing to watch.

Semantic Error: I loved how chaotic and awkward this was. Sang Woo is my precious child and I will protect him. It’s a simple plot, but they did well with it. Loved the balance of humour and drama. Also loved the editing in this show.

Badhaai Do (Technically not a BL, but it counts):

3 Will Be Free (Again not technically a BL, but it counts):

Favorite BL couples (not just of 2022)?

Patpran (Bad Buddy), Wangxian (CQL), PeteKao (Dark Blue Kiss), Gao Shi-de and Zhou Shu-yi (We Best Love), Wenzhou (Word Of Honour) [Is it obvious that I have a type? ]

What’s your non-BL favorite (watched) this year?

55:15 Never Too Late:

10 Years Ticket:

[robotonthemoon]

Hi, honest answer to your honest question.

I’m a straight white American guy- a SWAG, if you will.

Apart from the obvious reactionary attitude implicit in things like White History Month or Straight Pride, I do feel there’s a morsel of real concern there, and it’s a concern I feel too.

Our society kind of assumes you’re a SWAG by default. That’s the baseline. So if you’re not in an oppressed group, then you are that baseline, and you get nothing *compared to the baseline.* You’re the target of mass media, you’re the default citizen. You’re the human experience.

And in my experience that can be a pretty empty thing to be. You kind of just grow up without ever developing an identity around your race, gender, sexuality, nationality- these are just facts about you. And then you see people who react to oppression by rejoicing in themselves and extracting meaning from all those things and yours are just empty because you’ve never been given anything to fill it with.

Yes, culture is made to your specifications but it never speaks about you because the only time race, sexuality, gender, nationality need to be spoken about is when they’re not the default- when they’re not yours. So it never even really feels like it was made *for* you so much as *around* you.

And so yeah, beyond the reactionary bullcrap, I do fully understand the urge to say “actually I am white and I am cishet and I am a man and I want to have positive feelings about those aspects of myself-“ and not like “I’m normal and boring” but like “I’m all these things and they are valuable.”

Which I’m sure is a hard sell if you’ve spent your life trying to say “I want what I am to be *permissible*, let alone *valuable*.” And it’s so often reactionaries who try and fill these ideas with bigotry, I understand why people are defensive. But you can’t ever get rid of, e.g. heteronormativity, if you don’t allow the heteros to decide that heterosexuality means more than normativity. Which, to me, sounds like some kind of straight pride.

(Of course, I’ve also seen the take that Pride would not even be coherent outside the context of oppression. And believe me, having lived my life with an “inconsequential” relationship to gender and sexuality, it’s a pretty bleak worldview you’ve got if you think that your choice is between oppression and inconsequence. My outlook greatly improved since I learned from my lgbtq+ friends to start loving those aspects of myself as things of meaning.)

Pride would not have existed in the first place without oppression. It is a defensive movement, in the sense that it is entirely a reaction to threats. Without oppression, queer people would be treated as exactly as "normal" and expected as cishet people. I generally tell people, "do not be upset that there's no straight pride, be grateful you don't need it." Access to the "default baseline" of things is an underappreciated gift that many marginalised people do not get to enjoy.

Now, that said, there is every reason to celebrate being straight if it makes you happy. I certainly understand being attracted to women and would not criticise it. But its definitely not the same as pride as a movement. It is unfortunate that culturally we only seem to think about things in opposition rather than for their own joy.

I am reminded of something I read once. About "white people have no culture in the US" which seems to contribute at least a little to cultural appropriation. And how white people have been disconnected from the cultures they came from. The traditional cultures of French, Dutch, Swedish, Russian, etc. people are all quite different and rich. We could do well to encourage white people to reconnect with some of that. So long as it doesn't become an excuse for bad behaviour.

Thank you for your thoughts!

[rainey-staerie-daize]

You wanna know something I've realized?

This week is supposed to be my "birthday week" because I was sick on my actual birthday (and I still am, by the way), but almost nobody's been acting like it.

If I'm not counting the $100 bill in my birthday card from my mom, my only actual presents were from Kare, my seven-year-old sister. They were a painted rock and 15 signs with various nicknames taped around the house. Most of the nicknames are things I've never been called. And yes, 15. She just told me I missed one when I was taking them down.

For extra reference of why I'm kinda salty:

Xan had Mario-themed birthday decorations up for his birthday. On my day, his decorations were still up. Forget my own decorations. His were still up! They'd still be up if I didn't take them down the day after my birthday.

Mom never knows what to get me. Always blanks. (Wow, say you never got to know me and my interests without saying it.) So I made an Amazon wishlist. The original reason I made the list, actually. And she usually asks me for the link every year, because she always loses it. She never asked this year.

I was met with attitude when I asked if Mom bought the body wash I wanted when she got home from the store, but she bought Xan DLC for a game today.

Mom also sat and played that game with Xan today. On my actual birthday, she took a nap.

Mom spent around $200 on Xan's presents to my knowledge, while I got that $100 in a card. She was complaining about the price in a group chat actually, saying she doesn't want Xan to be disappointed. Meanwhile, this has been the most disappointing birthday I've ever had. More effort was made for my first, and I don't even remember it. And this year was my golden birthday, the one I've been looking forward to for a couple of years, actually.

The kicker? The reason that makes every previous bullet point infuriating? I forget to clean up sometimes. People also tend to find me annoying, even if I try not to be. My bad, I guess. But Xan's a legitimate asshole. Take yesterday, for example: he called me an idiot and a liar repeatedly. Screaming it. I'm neither of those things, mind you. And why? Because I was trying to get him to clean up (because Mom told me to have the littles pick up for our "Halloween party") and be kind. That's it. But I was met with screaming because I unplugged the Firestick, because, y'know, he wasn't listening. And at some point, he went to his room so he couldn't hear me try to talk sense into him (which I was honestly grateful for, because I didn't wanna hear him anymore), so Kare finally got a TV turn (because Xan was hogging it all day). And he later came out, stole the remote, and changed her movie (Nimona) back into his stupid YouTube videos. And even better: I was also met with Mom being angry at me for unplugging the Firestick when she got home from buying Halloween candy! What does she expect me to do if he doesn't listen to me? Nothing, like she does? Excuse me, but I'm not a doormat, and I'll never be sorry about that. Seriously, though, what was I supposed to do? I'm not allowed to smack him, and I can't think of anything besides taking away the screens. He's ten by the way, and I used to say he sounds two when he screams, but no, I change that comparison to "insane." Might legitimately be a narcissist, but I have no way of warning his therapist. (And I'm still salty he has a therapist, which I've wanted for years.) I've told Mom to bring up narcissism with his therapist, but I'm pretty sure she hasn't. She wants to make it seem like our household is "normal" to the public, which is bullshit.

For a few years now, I've felt like the joy my mother has had on my birthday has been fake. On the day of, she's always acted like I'm such a blessing, and will make a Facebook or Instagram post with old pictures, talking about how much she loves me. Meanwhile, she has had no problem yelling at me on the 22nd and 24th. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like me.

I don't know whether to be glad or disappointed that she has finally decided to stop being so fake.

[hard-core-super-star]

thanks, I really appreciate it, like, literally. fluff fics are so good for making your heart warm and melt, so yeah, I understand the therapeutic part. do you have any kind of reaction while writing this? or do you have a face like this 😐 the whole thing? even if it takes forever to write this it still shows that you put a lot of effort into making this good even if it's just a few headcanons. I'm itching to just say that forever is composed of nows lmao.

your unfinished sentences are really more obvious, but I won't talk about that now because WHAT? YOU JUST... did you just use my phrase against myself??? I didn't think it was fair!

yeah, you managed to achieve this successfully. oohhh look at you being all mysterious again. hdjskakakk I just think it should've been cool to be 19 on the 19th. but wow, you really have something with 19 huh? even got it tattooed. I wasn't expecting this much of 19 in your life, and now I see that it's not random at all.

definitely has my support because this game ages like wine. 5 year olds with a tablet bigger than them are grateful for your attitude. If I'm not mistaken, there is something about the recommended age for letting children start using phones, isn't there?

I don't know if a person wanting to take children's phones is someone who you would say has a “great sense of judgment”, but yeah? I think so? 🤐

so you actually turn off your writer brain sometimes? interesting. the things you rewrite in your mind are something you consider better than the original script? 🤔 they're not important? but they are cool as fuck, how is that possible?? this is disrespectful and I'm offended, don't talk about my boy and my old man like that again😭 I see here a Caitlin's defender in its natural habitat, I heard that this species feeds on crumbs and that it hunts Caitlin's highlights frequently... this is a docile species, until we start talking about the injustices that Caitlin suffers... we will do more research on this rare species, that was today's animalplanet. (well, as long as we understand each other even when we're almost asleep, I think everything's fine lmao)

– 🌟

you don't have to thank me :) lmao, it certainly depends, i think the best emoji to describe how i look while i write is this one 🫠 i'm half happy and half overwhelmed because words are hard. i honestly never thought about it that way, i thought it was just annoying that i take so long to write like...ten sentences. that's such a good reference, i'm proud. and i absolutely adore that poem

how are you going to tell me that i am in fact obvious and then walk away like that??? are you trying to give me a small heart attack? i'm going to assume that means you don't mind those half-finished, yet obvious, sentences then. and of course, i used your phrase, it's not very fun when it's used against you, is it? welcome to my world. i didn't think it was fair when you used it the first time so 😶

i'm glad to hear that. it was very cool to turn 19 on the 19th, you are correct. it's very much my favorite number and it's cool to me that so many things in my life connect with it. it's mainly coincidental but it's still cool.

gonna start playing it instead of scrolling through tumblr in between writing sessions. god, don't get me started on those kids and their massive tablets, especially if they're using it to watch TikTok because wtf. i honestly don't know what the recommended age is but it has to be at least 10/11 because younger than that is...yikes.

it was just a joke! so, don't judge that person for a very funny joke. i think that person would take great joy in you saying that but idk 🤷

only sometimes because, believe it or not, sometimes i like slightly crappy/ridiculous movies and shows. although, maybe it is my writer brain that makes me like them because i can analyze them and find something good in them. i wouldn't say better, i would say gayer lmao. I MEANT THE IRRELEVANT CHARACTERS ON THE FLASH. my bad for not clarifying lmao. STOP, the way that little joke was so accurate i- 😶 i can't even try to argue because you're not wrong at all. [i agree, i think we're fine]

[genshingarbage]

Hi! I recently came across your tumblrs and I wanna say ty for the stories both of you make. If you’re not too busy, do you mind if you can make a scaramouche smut, female!reader teasing him unknowingly and him getting turned on only to wreck you? Thank you! And good luck with life!

Aha... ha...ha...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You have NO IDEA what you've just unleashed from inside me- I have the most unholy obsession with this puppet. Congrats on being the first to ask for a Scaramouche one shot, and i am quite honestly more than happy to do his ask for you. Sorry if you lot hate the teasing and cliffhanger but uhm, like it's Scara so you should always expect the most extreme or unfair... - Mod Diluc

My Turn. ||One Shot||

Scaramouche x Reader

How long had it been since you'd shown up at your superiors office now? It was surely passing on for two hours, all because he'd promised you that today he'd be sure to take you out on a 'proper date'. Because even though this man was your superior, he was also, albeit something you were beginning to question now, your boyfriend. But here you were, lounging around in a chair while he remains nose buried into his scattered papers and forms adorn his desk. You didn't think the sound of a pen scribbling onto its given surface could irritate you so badly, but guess today was full of surprises eh? You'd made your discomfort to this situation very audible and visible barely thirty minutes ago now, and he'd simply just ignored you. You sighed, huffed, grunted, crossed your arms, tapped your fingers against your arm rest, but whether it was on purpose or not he merely sniffed his nose casually and remained eyes glued to the papers. What was so important on those damn papers anyway? Scaramouche was never one to be tardy when it came to his work and you knew this, but even he was pushing past his normal attitude given towards his own tasks now.

You couldn't take it anymore, whatever this was, it had officially overstayed its welcome. You were bored, you were hungry, you were annoyed something rotten with Scaramouche right now, and it didn't matter how you tried to phrase the sentence in your head- you knew the moment you voiced it out loud it was gonna come out as a jumbled and royally screwed up mess of just incoherent babbles. But either way you had to say something, anything! Because this was becoming ridiculous now, how he could keep sitting there and acting like this was all okay was beyond you now. Had he forgotten you were there at this point? It was unreal how rude he was treating you, granted he's always been a rude and harsh man, but this was just cruel now. Your mouth opened once you'd finally hyped up yourself to voice out your anger toward him, but then, it hit you... your mouth closed slowly again, a word never having once left your lips, as a very sly smirk was now adorn your features. If he's to keep you trapped here in utter boredom and sheer silence, you might as well create some fun hm?

|| 45 Minutes Later ||

This woman, was gonna be the death of him, he'd finally decided it. Here he was trying his best to finish these awfully painful result forms as fast as possible, so that he could leave this personal hell he called his office and take you somewhere nice, and you've now taken it upon yourself to tease him? In various ways might he add. Were you insane or just stupid? The Tsarista herself has demanded these forms be filled out by him personally, why? Fuck knows. But it was grating his nerves slowly that's for sure, and now you- he hitches his breath, a sharp inhale being sucked through gritted teeth. You were playing such a deadly game right now, having dared to sit on his lap, he'd immediately felt the way you tensed and froze for moment when doing so, yea, he's aware of how rock fucking hard he is down there, thanks to you bitch, and now you're fully aware that your little antics and teasing games have been affecting him oh so badly. It was bad enough when you were practically shoving a 'I'm bored' sign in front of his face, to which he gracefully ignored lest he have a fit and fry the furniture around him in an angry outburst. This was the last time he ever made a promise with you that's for fucking sure.

You were enjoying the feel of rubbing back and forth ontop of his ever growing bulge a bit too much in all honesty. Shocked in your own self's ability to rile him up so easily, but that being said, should congratulations really be in order? You're not exactly modest down there yourself right now either, you felt the damp patch form twenty minutes ago, but you being the good hard worker you are, opted to ignoring it in favour of continuing to feel your boyfriend tense and twitch under you so cutely. You didn't dare to look around however, one could only imagine the heart stopping glare he's giving you right now, if your hairs standing on your neck are anything to go by he's staring, hard. But this is his punishment, you won't allow yourself to start feeling bad now, he has work to do, okay, so do it tomorrow, or the day after, or the day even after that! If he finds it fine to make promises and not keep them; then you're going to become his own personal blue balls machine. Looking back on it now though, you never once were calling the shots here... were you?

This became painfully apparent when he made a loud click noise with his tongue, having finally reached the peak of his own limit. His hands roughly gripping your own in such a fast flash you could of sworn you saw sparks of purple electro fizzle from his fingers, that and also the numbingly intense tingle that rattled through your body and bones when his touch engulfed your own. You gasped softly from his sudden outburst and had no time to react while he forcibly guided your arms around your back, leaving you to look like nothing more than a vulnerable tied up play thing. You squirmed slightly in his vice grip, tempting the waters so to say, but the fact you only winced from the sheer tightening hold on you and your complete inability to move in the slightest indicated he was well and truly done with your little games. Shaking your head as nerves began to eat away at you like a fever burning up inside your blood, trying to now play the victim wasn't going to get you anywhere; but what other alternatives were there for someone as fucked as you right now?

"H-hey, Scaramouche, I'm sor-" was silly of you to think you'd be given permission to speak now, wasn't it? Since he merely maneuvered both your restrained wrists into one of his hands, his boney fingers hugging around them snuggly. The other hand now free wasted no time in latching onto your hair and tugging your head back hard, rough, causing you to silence your words and instead gasp out loudly. Your eyes being forced to glare up at the ceiling as your breathing kicked up in pace, the uneven rhythm becoming much more audible to you and most certainly him. He was far too enthralled in the scene playing out before him to give those damn report forms any notice right now, you'd been trying his patience since the moment you sat your ass down in his office. Giving your best effort to rile him up, well congratulations, you'd succeeded honey, more than expertly might he add, the strain in his lower garments becoming ever more increasing in discomfort. He pulled you backwards so your left with no choice but to be pressed even closer into him while your eyes remain wide eyed and glaring at the ceiling. His hand still tightly knuckled into your hair, he licks his lower lip slowly out of habit as he leans his face forward, drawing his lips now right beside your ear, which was now flushed red at the very tip.

The hot breath fanning across your ear only made your nerves reach a new high, your throat suddenly running crisp dry, swallowing down hard and slow trying to remain collected. But you knew you were divinely fucked when you heard that low chuckle emit from his lips, with a husky tone he grunted out right beside your ear; "My Turn."

Yea sorry guys, I started this one-shot like actually months ago, I have lost count now, i got distracted with personal life and stuff and when I finally wanted to get back to it I just didn't really know where to take it from this point on, so I decided to just wait till my spark flicked back but I've totally lost motivation for Scaramouche now after finding out he may just be another short anemo guy, gonna take me sometime to accept that and get over it, so I am leaving this post as a giant cliff hanger and posting it like this, better to have something than nothing right? sorry but not sorry- - Mod Diluc

[superlocktvd]

Anthony Bridgerton | Jonathan Bailey

Its been almost 36 hours since the release of Bridgerton Season 2 aired and I have binged it, processed it (to a certain extent) and have read multiple multiple opinions and even though it wasn’t what I expected it to be, it wasn’t as bad as some of the people have made it to be. Yes it was faulty at some places, but for all that is, for me it really lived it up to the name Bridgerton after all it is what the show’s name is (I am looking at all those who have repeatedly stated if Simon is not there it is not worth watching) and honestly maybe I would have once agreed maybe, but Jonathan Bailey is chef’s kiss and nobody can take Anthony Bridgerton from him. He was convincing, captivating, charming, caring and cruel in the best ways possible.

This is an Anthony Bridgerton appreciation post and I will not be accepting any slander or libel towards him because he was amazing in season 2. Hell I loved in season 1 with his hellish and boar of an attitude because even then he was always there for his family. His bond with Violet is something I have loved from the very first exchange they had. She has always been there to put him in his place and guide him even after his father’s death.

This para is for those blaming him for asking Edwina’s hand in marriage. Did you forget what happened the last time he acted on his heart, Sienna with all her reasoning did shut the door on his face. Even after all the close calls with Kate , he never did receive a verbal consent of yes she would be willing to accept him, because just like him for her too family, Edwina came first which she had repeatedly made clear.  Again he was ready call off the marriage, it was Kate who asked him not to. Anthony’s action after that were nothing but a way to fulfil what we saw in the first episode, a task that he his supposed to do and expected out of him much like all else.

The show did actually show us less Anthony and Kate (which again 1 fault) but it did show us Anthony Bridgerton and for that I am grateful. To see him going from a child to becoming a viscount within a few hours was indeed painful, and to having it relive that experience not once but twice with Kate, yes well Jonathan Bailey you made me cry. (Goes and watches the scenes because I like to hurt myself apparently). Anthony had to become a viscount, take care of all his siblings, be there for his mother and practically play father for Gregory and Hyacinth. Anthony did what he thinks was right and just like always it was about his responsibility and duty and to ensure he lives up to the name Bridgerton.

Jonathan Bailey you are a work of art and I cannot wait for the heights and praise you achieve and receive in the coming future.