#i am gonna miss it when this is all over
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#i can't handle the cuteness that is them#i am gonna miss it when this is all over#so much cute content daily#like what even?#polin#penelope x colin#colin x penelope#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#love#nicola coughlan#luke newton#bridgerton
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"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#cw blood#something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones#IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE#ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE....#THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU#do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule.#LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE#DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared#i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail#but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!!#i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time#i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS#soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz#i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss#have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES#I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn#annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE.#hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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if i get a purgatory 3 before the year is out i'm so sorry i'm going to be INSUFFERABLE
#qsmp#local purgatory poster is going to go fucking FERAL sorry!!!!!#like obv i'll tag appropriately and i probably won't put it in the maintag#but REEEEEEEE i have deadass no joke been vodwatching the purgs this past week just organically.....#like i went back to bolas day 1 and crow day 3&4 and i'm starting on some of aimsey's vods#probs that's gonna. have me backwatching panda tho. bc. that's my team.......... and i miss them...... a lot.......#crow day 4 also helped remind me that badboyhalo is The Gringo Ever tho#the raccrow team was a blessing and also had me jumping over to the fuckin event where bad teamed w soarinng#i'mf ucking all over the place i am going through withdrawls#where is the spanglish when i need it. what is happening. im going crazy#i am this close to relearning java via trying to reverse engineer the purgatory disaster mod#you all would be FUCKED if figuring out where to even START wasn't so intimidating#bc i can absolutely 100% make a knockoff purgatory called 'burger sorry' if the fucking forge documentation stops scaring me#once i get over the barrier for entry there will be nothing stopping me#count your days. the purgatory at home could be coming for you. once it stops. scaring me. ahaha.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#long tags
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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okay... idk at all if this has been discussed or that I'm just stating the obvious. I'm posting any way to get more feedback.
so. can we be sure that the last boat scene even happened (in the way we saw it at least)
yeah the letter was delivered to the intended recipients. the letter also did say 李相夷绝笔 lit. the final writing by li xiangyi. there's a brief exchange between him and the assumed "boatman" asking him where he was going. and we see he spat blood while writing yeah but:
llh/lxy's eyesight had been failing for some time.
Professional Letter Writers are a thing in the past in service to people who can't write their own letters (idk enough to verify the historical accuracy in this specific context though)
what has been bugging me since forever is the manner of speech of the letter. yeah it's different from their everyday speech, but that's actually perfectly fine since this is A Letter so I'm good with it being more formal. but... there's something I just can't quite pinpoint. especially with the use of the 君 jun pronoun by llh/lxy to refer to dfs when there could be other pronouns with less connotations of intimacy (and scholarly/imperial court system) implied and still conveyed cordiality, marking a shift in their relationship. (I'm not well versed with wuxia as a genre enough to know what are the conventions. someone else who does can say something though.)
whatever these put together means (eg. he may not have written the letter personally, or he wrote it in a different situation from what we saw, etc etc.) alongside:
this scene existed only as part of a visualisation as the letter content is revealed to the audience (or assumed to be fdb reading the letter to dfs & guests of the wedding spectators of the duel)
the boat lxy/llh jumped on is not the same as the one he was writing the letter on - the boatman is also not on it despite the conversation at the beginning, but lxy/llh's dressing and hairpin are the same as the ones before he jumped. (the boatman delivered the letter so he's real though.)
also as @wonderfulnonsense happened to have just pointed out in the tags left in my other post: it's in fact the same boat he took to go fight dfs at donghai 10 years ago. (edit: or maybe it isn't? as pointed out by anon.)
if we viewed whatever we perceived in this scene as imaginary (not what actually happened), then the reading of it being a metaphor for lxy/llh being on his way to enlightenment just makes sense. (the boat being a carrier on his spiritual transformations.) especially when you consider that 彼岸 the other shore is another concept in buddhism to represent enlightenment, alongside the motif of lotuses. (credits to @markiafc for the buddhism reading - edit: mark's meta here) and then, consider the beach ending... yeah.
#莲花楼#mysterious lotus casebook#my posts#lhl#lhlmeta#断剑又绝笔......#this was a question / discussion brought up internally but i wanted more feedback / ideas so. and also for the record#but ofc...if there are details missed out that completely prove this wrong then pretend i never wrote this#pls blame it on the brainrot#lhl discussion of the day is buddhism meta.#taoism and buddhism readings loving hand in loving hand.#honestly i did not think of the story specifically as a path of enlightenment until i was writing the meta#and then it was a downward spiral there on.#it makes a lot of sense given how it's a story about cultivation of the personage (and the struggles of it)#which is the goal of all chinese ideologies. not just taoism and buddhism. they just have different answers#mark is gonna come back with a massive buddhism meta. i'm excited and afraid#also the detail i am sitting on is what is the significance of him signing off as lxy. on top of his r/s with dfs being from lxy's pov.#considering the way he has been identifying with lxy ever since he took over llh as an identity.#PLUS when i first heard lxy thanking dfs for the wangchuan flower. the chinese didn't include the subject of flower#i thought he was talking about 忘川 METAPHORICALLY bc i forgot that was the name of the flower HJBJHHJBJHB#yeah so like this is the river of oblivion he's on or wtv (i'm just babbling now)#also i said INTENDED RECIPIENTS. but the envelope cover is also interestingly empty. though boatman knew who it was meant for
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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.
#very much so#tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks#listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one#‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans#I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t#mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass#this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change#and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing#I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love#I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask#if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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me: hmm who to romance who to romance
me: gets to the party scene
me: wait why is everyone all ready for sex now I BARELY KNOW YOU
#bg3#ace problems#i know bg3 is all about catering to the people#infamous bear scene made that obvs#but like#i need a romance first! backstory! history!#it should take more work than this to enter a relationship with companions!#why yes i did romance fenris in da2 why do you ask#also kaidan in mass effect including no romance in me2#look i'm too ace for this shit#anyway can't get over gale talking about his ex all the time#(tho he did compare me to his cat so point in his favor)#so i'm def gonna go karlach and maybe?? halsin?#cos apparently there's poly#larian how am i supposed to decide if i wanna sleep with halsin when i've said .5 words to the man#honestly#maybe i've missed out on a bunch of companion interactions??#idk man#EDIT TAGS: OH APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH HALSIN YET#okay that makes more sense now#edit again: ALSO WHY IS 'SHARING SOME WINE' AN INVITATION TO SEX#LARIAN PLEASE I'M WAY TOO ACE FOR THIS#this party is a minefield#EDIT 3 THERE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEX AT THIS POINT IN TIME
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Imma be honest with you chief this week has not been fun. At all
#oh boy i had a terrible three days time to go tell my tumblr followers about it!#ah no but jokes aside y'all.#i started my job on monday and i actually like it so far!#i haven't done any actual work or anything quite yet cause its all onboarding at the moment#but so far so good! all my colleges are lovely#so you might ask why is this one of the worst weeks of my life? two words#FOOD. POISONING.#this shit is straight up EVIL#im doing better today thank god but yesterday??? omfg#“look im being uber dramatic here but when am i not to be fair”#But seriously#ill try not to go into too much detail but. 10 hrs. yeah.#my throat feels like someone has shoved a metal ball down it#i havent eaten anything today#and I'm missing two days of training over this 😭#this is so embarrassing first week on the job and boom food poisoning knocks me out for two of them#im gonna be the food poisoning guy 😭#i hope y'all are having a better time than i am
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tomorrow is my first day back to work and I'm a lil nervous
I haven't been able to get anything written for here bc I've been trying to get a couple other things written (updating my Bill Cipher redemption fic and starting a Gyutaro x reader x Daki because I make poor life choices)
but I'm on light duty for a month, basically just sitting at the register checking people out, unable to do any stocking or anything bc I'm not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds so I can't lift totes, bend much, or reach much, so I'm allowed to bring something to do in between customers... maybe I'll get some writing done? I feel as if I'll be slacking off bc that's how my brain works
but you know what, I kill myself for that store normally, I don't work full time simply because I can't afford medical insurance if I did, but even working only part time I give my all while I'm there, I'm not someone who slacks off. so if I'm healthfully and approvedly permitted to slack off and take it easy for a month, I guess I'll take it (... plus, I mean, I'll still be working, just light duty, it's not like I'll show up and get paid to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm still gonna be ringing out customers)
ANYWAY MY POINT IS-
get those last requests in! after I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be closing the askbox and won't open it back up till this batch is finished and I swear I mean that this time 😂
#mod post#should I have ordered Jessii Vee merch knowing I am not getting paid for two weeks bc I didn't work for two weeks ? maybe not#BUT DAMMIT THIS IS WHY I HAVE SAVINGS#'weirdness all the way ' button and YANA 'be kind' button and squishy pink gummi bear COME TO ME#... been uh. been doing a lot of impulse online shopping while I've been sitting at home bc idk it scratches a certain itch in my brain#and my mama has been nice enough to be buying most of my food when I usually buy my own just bc it's hard for me to walk around much rn#but I'm feeling a lot better physically I just get tired easily so hopefully I'm gonna be back to buying my own food soon#like I appreciate everything my mom and lil bro have been doing for me but MAN I don't like being UNABLE to do shit myself you know?#I took a shower this morning and it exhausted me and Mom had to be in there to help me the whole time in case I lost my balance or smth#it's better than it was the first week but I still hate feeling like I've temporarily lost some of my independence#I can't wait to shower by myself again and for it not to drain me#which is such a small thing to want and miss but like#OKAY TAG RANT OVER THIS RECOVERY IS JUST DRAGGING#I'm getting old tbh that's what it is I'm 30 and don't bounce back like I used to 😂😂😂😂
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#anyone know how to deal with overwhelmingly jealous and envious thoughts?#I just can’t stop comparing my life to other peoples#just went to my sisters new place#I would literally kill for a place like that#but I’m still stuck in my parents basement#not having a safe space to go#I eventually got over it while I was hanging out with family#but when I left I had to bump into a group of girls#all dressed up#looks like they were either going out or getting back from a club or something#and damn#I miss those days#I only got a taste of it very briefly before I was even of age#like 18-19#and now I’m fucking 26 and I don’t have friends to go out and have severe social anxiety#when I see people like that having a good night or whatever#I just get so sad and jealous#I’ve been wasting the past 6 years of my life#literally just trying to survive#and then everyone else around me is actually living and enjoying their lives#obviously it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but they have the support system or a place or something to lean on when something bad happens#I have nothing#I have no support system#not able to heal or really live in my current place#been struggling to just get out of bed#trying ro figure out a job but when I can’t even get out of bed how the fuck am I gonna do that?#struggling A LOT right now#shut up rosie#delete
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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WHAT IF I CRY. WHAT IF I BREAK DOWN SOBBING
#happy for jun and his acting career (i will just also miss him)#AND GOD JEONGHAN#GOODBYE GOODLUCK#SOBS#i knew this was coming why does is it still so painful#god we just got ot13 back and now it’s going again i’m gonna cry#when will we have ot13 again truly#GOD i got into seventeen late last year i could’ve joined within any of the seven years before that#why did i become a carat so close to enlistment#seventeen#svt#y’all. when all my army friends were sad over enlistment i felt bad for them but i was also like “glad i’m not an army rn lowkey”#“all my favorite groups still have many years to go before military !”#THEN HOSHI ATTACKED ME LIKE A FERAL TIGER AND HOOKED ME INTO SEVENTEEN#and now here i am#it’s only one member enlistment rn but it will be a steady trickle in the coming years and that makes me sad#not a poll#yoon jeonghan#wen junhui
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omg guys yesterday i said i was gonna answer asks and disappeared sorry TWT
#pls forgive me... i am stupid.#lol i went down a rabbit hole of trying to find old kh fics on ff.net#the whole fic finding adventure the other day upset me#like... how many of my old faves are missing now? how many will i never remember the titles of? :(#fucked me up real good#the good news is though. that i found a lot of them! so yay!#i also swiftly downloaded them just in case#haha#also i reread some and...#a lot of them are Bad! and it makes me cry bc when i was in middle school this shit was fucking high shelf literature okay?#like... it's so fucking funny. i was like 12 and the writings of the like 17yos in high school were godly to me TWT#now i'm like. oh.. bestie this sucks! but it's still fun to read haha#anyway. i'll answer asks eventually ig?#i haven't really felt myself the last couple days? so that's weird.#just haven't felt like i'm real so???#mental illness georg over here lkgnklgjdlkg#no one read all this :( no one's gonna see my joke sigh#diaerie
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something something down by the river
yeah i could draw something other than two characters gazing at each other with utter heartsick longing but I know what i'm about son
#beware the tags#oh no the vampire spawn is falling in love with the spider princess#also you will never guess where i got inspo from#yeah it was the man from uncle#i will make him look *more* lovesick dont worry. this is gonna rival my martin/hok stuff bc god#i still have not finished his quest bc i know its gonna make me step away from the game for probably 3 days while i recover#ugghhhh i am gonna scream! bc like the fucking headcanons i have about him and my evil little mermaid tav#she's never seen the ocean. bc menzoberanzzan. so when they finally get to the city she's like fuckin. struck by it.#never seen anything so big in her life. so to explain my running along the coast for hours to unfog the map i imagine he's humoring tav#and acting exasperated by her fascination with the water but he secretly thinks is adorable#and she doesn't know how to navigate a city like baldurs gate. bc where are the spires? the stalagmites? where are the stairs?#so he (knowing the city so well) has to basically be her guide/lead her through the whole thing otherwise it would take them 3 years#to find anything.#MEANWHILE she's having a crisis grieving over her recently dead spouse and fleeing her home for failing her 5th trial#and wants revenge on lolth of all things#so they make a little 'revenge pact' to each other but she's being slowly shown signs of eilistraee and having trouble letting go#bc she can never return home. and she misses her baby brother terribly bc he's only 12 and all 6 of her other siblings are not nice#and she's either gonna take the crown to become a god or have a breakdown at night by the water where she decides to move on#they can make each other better they can make each other so much worse
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