#i am gonna die and scream i cannot wait

[heretherebedork]

@absolutebl And Gaga continues to be a blessing! LOOK!!!!

[uitzinnigmp3]

how the fuck do i deal with this pain

[watarfallar]

*gay braincell tossing*

Scar: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Grian: Why start now?

Grian: I love you. Scar: I love me too.

Grian: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. Scar: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.

Scar: Snow got me feeling some type of way. Grian: That's hypothermia.  Scar: Damn, the paramedics told me it was the magic of Christmas.

Grian: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life. Scar: Please never become a surgeon.

Scar: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Scar: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Scar: Damn, the power went out. Grian: Don’t worry, I got this. Grian: *stomps foot* Scar: What-? Grian: *Sketchers light up*

Grian: We either die free, or die trying! Scar: Are those the only choices?

Scar: I’m totally useless. Grian: You’re not totally useless. Grian: You can be used as a bad example.

Scar: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Grian: Technically a mix of green and blue? Scar: So blurple. Grian: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Scar: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Grian: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.

Scar: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Grian: ... Scar: Oh, right. The lying.

Grian: You’re not jealous, are you? Scar: No! Grian: Good, ‘cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

Scar: And what did we learn, Grian? Grian: Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.

Scar: You know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong. Grian: *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.

Scar: You are a solid 11/10. Grian: Aw, thank- Scar: Which is 1.1 because you look like shit.

Scar: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Grian? Grian: …Not really. Scar: Nothing? Grian: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Grian: Kill him. Scar: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.

Scar: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

Grian, texting: Scar, will you please go to sleep? Scar, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? Grian, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! Grian, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon? Scar, texting: I’m trying Grian, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH Grian, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

Scar: I’m a masochist, not a loser.

Scar: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. Grian: Oh, that was all real. Scar: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! Grian: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

Grian: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair*

Grian: I’m not stupid, you know. Scar: Well, you’re doing a really good impression of it!

Scar: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you. Scar: Ask me to kill for you. Grian: ...First of all, calm down-

Scar: Grian, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break. Grian: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

Grian: I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation. Scar: Yeah! We’re cowards!

Scar: *holds a gun out to Grian* Grian: I-I don't believe in guns. Scar: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

Scar: I owe you one. Grian: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Grian: I hate you with every inch of my body! Scar: That’s not a lot of inches.

Scar, to Grian: You drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable. Grian: … Scar: You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend.

Scar: I need a long word. Grian: T-rex but the long one.

Grian: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Grian: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Scar: Those are wanted posters!

[charcoallbaby]

halloween night

smut!! ghostface mask involved, stalker matt kinda?

i haven’t written in 6 months so bare with me on this!! ty for the people still supporting me i love u. enjoy!

it was a dark, rainy evening in boston massachusetts.

i sat in my dorm, my legs crossed doing my makeup getting ready to go out for the night. it was thursday night meaning the local bar was having 5 dollar drinks and as you can expect most college students will be there. but it wasn’t just any thursday night, it was halloween night.

my roommate frankie was getting ready at her boyfriend aaron’s place. our dorm felt empty, without her loud chatting or her blasting a random pop artist through her speaker. the only noise was me moving around and my playlist which was quietly playing from my phone.

after i got my makeup finished, i grabbed my costume which was basic but sexy, the iconic lara croft.

i ordered my uber, grabbed my things and stuffed them into my bag.

i arrived at the bar, the place was packed with college students dressed up in costumes others just wearing normal outfits.

frankie ran over to me a drink in her hand. “you look so hot oh my god!” “matt is gonna die when he sees you!” “matt’s here?” “not yet but he’s coming, i heard him talking to aaron about it!” “come on let’s get you a drink.” she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the bar.

i got my drink. after awhile i was getting tipsy, i knew i could of ate before i got here but i had homework.

matt hadn’t show up yet thank god, i cannot bare to see my ex boyfriend right now.

it was now deeper into the night. frankie was doing karaoke, slurring her words. aaron was trying to get her off the stage but she really wanted to sing.

i made way over to the bar to get a drink. i looked infront of me to see a guy in a ghostface mask staring at me from the other side of the bar. well i was guessing it was a guy he was tall-ish and had broad shoulders. i looked away and tapped my card against the counter, waiting to be served. god i got so impatient when it comes to getting served at bars.

finally after standing at the bar for 5 minutes i got my drink, i began walking back over to the table where my friends sat before bumping into someone, my drink only spilling a splash of liquid out of the glass.

“fuck sorry!” i looked up. it was a guy in a ghost face mask.“don’t worry about it, it was my fault i wasn’t watching where i was walking,” he mumbled through the mask. “really playing the part with the mask huh?” i stood back. “have to you know it’s halloween and all,” i laughed. “well good acting, you even have the knife?” he put his glove covered hand in the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a plastic silver knife. “wowww that’s impressive i won’t lie,” i looked back up at him. “i’m gonna honest i don’t even like the scream movies that much.”” he spoke. i chuckled. “well i appreciate the honesty.”

i leaned against one of the walls in the packed bar while ghost face guy was talking to me.

“why won’t you take the mask off?” i titled my head, swirling the straw in my drink. the chuckle that escaped his mouth was muffled. “it’s not even 12am yet once it is, i’ll take it off and then you can see who i am.” “just telling myself your really into playing the role.” i finished off the last sip of my drink.

it was awhile later. i was still talking to this ghost face guy. he was nice, flirting with me which i definitely needed.

“can i trust you to hold my drink while i use the restroom?” i asked him. “sure, i’ll wait out here for you.” i nodded my head and opened the door to the single toileted restroom.

there was no way i was gonna go near that drink knowing he had it, i don’t know what this guy looks like but i can’t lie the ghost mask face is turning me on.

after i used the restroom, i unlocked the door and opened it to be pushed back inside and door to be re-locked.

“is everything okay?” i asked ghost face guy. “sorry my ex was out there she was about to harrass me,” he chuckled. “it’s good also you never told me your name,” i crossed my arms. “shit sorry yeah i totally forgot my name is noah,” he cleared his throat.

“well nice to meet you noah, you already know my name though,” i smiled. “mhm, yes i do and honestly you look so fucking good in that costume how are you single?” my cheeks heated up. “well thank you, i’m just focusing on school right now but you know someone named noah might come into my life and change all that,”

what was i saying?? the alcohol had definetly made me more confident, i don’t know what this guy even looks like.

“good to know,” he got closer to me. “you know i would totally take the mask off to kiss you but it’s not 12am yet and i’d be breaking the halloween rules you know? “oh yeah definetly, well there’s other things you can do then just kiss me,” the words slipped out of my mouth. “oh really any suggestions?” his hands snaked around my waist. “maybe you should take those gloves off if you wanna actually do those other things,” “mhm good idea,” he mumbled pulling his hands away and ripping off the gloves. “now i can put these to use can’t i?” his fingers began playing with the button of my shorts, those hands looked familiar, but the lighting in here was really bad.

he didn’t even ask before his fingers were rubbing my clit. a whimper escaped my mouth, i closed my eyes briefly.

he slipped 2 fingers inside me making me moan. “fuck you are soaking, does the mask turn you on yeah?” “i bet it fucking does.” his fingers began pumping in and out of me at a rapid rate. i grabbed the sink behind me, my head against the mirror. i was a moaning mess from this random guy in a ghost face mask. it was the most action i’d gotten since forever well if you consider masturbation action then that was a few hours ago in the shower.

“oh my fuck,” he growled throwing his head back, revealing his neck. the pleasure was overpowering. “n-noah-fuck me!” i choked on my words. “you want it yeah?” he pulled his fingers out of me and slipped them under the mask to taste me. “so fucking sweet.”

he began unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants along with his boxers. he grabbed my shorts pushing them down my legs aswell.

he pumped his cock twice with his hand. “you ready to be fucked by ghost face huh?” he lined himself up with my entrance. i quickly nodded my head before he slammed straight into me making me groan.

“your so wet and tight something i’ve needed all night!” his hands dug into my hips as he pounded into me. “open your legs wider, let me hit that spot.” he spoke. i did as he said and opened my legs wider. seconds later his cock brushed off my g-spot.

a few minutes later i felt my orgasm begging to be released. was this guy i barely knew gonna make me come?

his head was buried in the crook of my neck. “i’m-im“ i could barely finished my sentence as my orgasm came over me. my hand began to pull the back of the mask off. noah was too distracted with being inside me to notice. i pulled the mask up to rest on his head, i still couldn’t see his face. “noah!” i began to pull his face out of my neck to reveal a flustered matt.

my breathing stop and my hands dropped. he was still moving inside me, a few seconds later he processed with what had just happened and immediately stopped. “matt?” it came out as whisper. a smirk grew on his face. “sorry baby i just missed you too much.”

[juicywritinghoard]

a few more prompts

This crime is going almost too well?

Can you play with my hair? 

Of all the people to body swap with. Of all the days. 

This is no time for cute cat pictures and heart emojis!!!

And ANOTHER THING. Zombies-

Hey. Honestly? [deep breath] [SCREAMS]

Nothing like yard sale drama and intrigue! 

I did not see your text. Actually I can't read. It's very sad. Sudden onset adult illiteracy is very real-

Do not put it in your mouth! 

I know I got in trouble for buying them a very cool toy last time, but hear me out. 

Bite me. You gotta.

I am not eating this raw, actually. Nope.

How long did it take you to make that for me? NO I am not crying 

You drive me insane. Obviously I would go to hell for you 

What does this button do? I gotta know

Sword fighting is even more charged than I expected and I was not prepared 

I know you grew up in a wet cardboard box all alone but I cannot believe you have not experienced this. I think we have to, right now,  immediately 

We both showed up alone to the couples cake decorating class, so obviously-

Oops! Run

It hurts, but it rules

After a bad day, what we really need is some chocolate and violence.

Meow? Are you kidding me? 

Oh don't even get me STARTED on monsters- 

Pick your battles. As in let go of some of them please I swear you cannot fight it all

You know that object from the thrift store we thought was haunted? Haha so guess what,

Good chances we all die. Counterpoint, everyone who lives gets ice cream with sprinkles, so gear up!

I think I pretty explicitly said not to get it on the carpet.

So your mic wasn't off,

Please dress up with me? Please please please?

It isn't my blood. Don't get it twisted 

Can we kiss behind the mini golf windmill one more time? 

Magic is real, it just looks fake. 

Quick! Propose to me! Also, what's your name? 

We have to get you a new super costume.

You're enchanting. You're resplendent. You're a little bit on fire,

I gotta be honest. I have no idea what's going on and I think I waited too long to say so. Sorry?

Why do they have cat ears? They're supposed to be DEAD

I have normal feelings about this. And regular opinions. And I'm vibrating a reasonable amount.

Help, help, I'm not supposed to be in this universe!! 

I will help you ruin your hair, obviously, but you have to tell me what's going on. 

You wore that to the funeral?? 

Baking is science. Wizardry is science. You know what isn't science? 

Tired, angry, and covered in spaghetti sauce, and here I am at your door. But I can explain?

Bear. Seriously 

gonna destroy you and end your legacy forever xoxo <3

Nothing could possibly make me laugh right now. Don't you dare start doing silly voices at me. 

You know what this giant fancy crystal is good for? Blunt force head trauma 

I know it's super dangerous but when your eyes glow like that I can't focus on the battle at all…

Life finds a way?

Fighting? No, no, we're having a great time arguing about this. 

[a-998h]

Welcome to Hell

Hello @bloobewy, I hope you enjoy this!

TW: reader does "die" at some point but doesn't stay dead technically Reader also gets stabbed in the hand

Clicking Keep Reading means you've read and understand the trigger warning.

I missed the bus, great, I say with as much sarcasm as possible. It was hot, and my body was already a natural heater, and school is draining. Lucky me, the house isn't to far from the school, so walking is still an option. To make the walk less unbearable, I put on my favorite playlist.

After 10 minutes of walking, I reach a crosswalk. Pushing the button, I wait for the sign to change. Once the sign goes from hand to person, I step onto the crosswalk. Having already checked left and right, I thought I would be fine.

I didn't hear it... and that damn truck didn't see me either. I didn't hear anything, but I felt everything. The music cut off, and my body was in so much pain. Why, why is everything fading? I can hear sirens, and begging, and people. Blood... I see and smell blood. I try to turn my head, but I can't. I can't move at all.

"What's happening?" I mumble.

Soon, my vision goes black and I hear a voice. It's a woman's voice, full of warmth and authority.

"Your time has come child, we cannot wait to meet you," I hear her say.

The voices of the people becomes more muffled, and the pain starts to go away. The darkness takes over my vision until I can't see anything. I don't feel the pain, or roughness of the road. I feel nothing at all, like I'm floating. There is nothing in my view but inky darkness, so... This must be how I die. This isn't an isekai, so I'm not gonna go to a fantasy world, I'm just going to die.

I was so bad, fighting, yelling, and being a jerk to people who want to help me. Now, dad is gonna lost his only when they didn't even make it to adulthood.

"I'm sorry dad... I'm so sorry," I say in my head.

It's not fair, first mom abandoned me and dad and now I'm gonna die. Why couldn't I just make it to adulthood? Whatever, I can't change things now. I just wish I had another chance. I see my tears floating in the inky darkness. I don't know why I'm crying, but it feels well deserved right now. As I cry, my eyes closed and I finally feel at peace.

I hear a whistling near my ears, and the feeling of wind? My eyes shot open and I see myself falling. The sky above me is red, and is that a clock tower with an hourglass in it?

it's clear I'm going to crash into the ground of a city, but I have no idea where the fuck I am. Things are in ruins, and I don't seem to be stopping. I scream in fear as I pulpit towards the ground, I just died and I have no idea where the fuck I am!

"Is that a blimp with a ray gun?" I ask myself as I see steampunk blimp of supervillain proportions blast at the ground.

There is a loud smack sound as I hit the ground, and I'm, surprisingly, not in pain. I look myself over, and something is wrong with my hands. They're stained red, not like gloves or splatter, but it's like an ombre.

"Well that's not normal, and where the fuck am I?" I ask myself.

Standing up I rush towards a shop window, and look at my reflection? It has my hair color and style, skin color, eye color, height, but it has a pair of white wings , my hands have the ombre of red, and there is a pair of jagged horns like a four horned ram on my head. I back away from the window and start walking in a random direction.

No one here looks normal, so look like anthropomorphic animals, full animals, of a mix of human and object. Thees people range in size and shape, like normal, but they clearly don't look normal. Walking past the werid people here, a few give me looks that range from confusion, to fear, to cruel. Trying to ignore seems to be my best hope. As I keep walking, I see a bunch of people who look like different types of sharks. They spot me, and I hear them mumbling, before getting close to me.

They introduce themselves and immediately invade my personal space. They keep talking about an extermination, which confuses and worries me. One wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer, to him. Scared, I try to get away but they won't let me. Well, I'm probably doomed. Swinging my head around, I mange to hit the two shark guys near me in the face. Using th distraction, I run for my life as I hear them yelling after me.

Looking for a place to hide, I duck into a crowd in front of a shop window. It's showing a pale skinned blond woman in a pale red suit jacket, wearing a bowtie with yellow eyes. Next to her is a second pale skinned blonde woman with a creepy smile, soulless red eyes, and shoulder pads. Creepy smile lady calls suit lady, Charlotte, to which suit lady corrects it to Charlie. As I watch, something Charlie says catches my attention.

"As princess of Hell," I hear Charlie say.

Hell, holy shit I'm in fucking Hell! I can't pull my eyes away from the screen, but I have a hard time paying attention to what Charlie is saying. She keeps singing about something called, the Happy Hotel, and how it'll be a place to rehab sinners. Sounds crazy to me, but I'm not the princess of Hell. As people laugh at her idea, I feel a bit more hopeful.

"Seems like the safest place here," I mutter to myself.

This Happy Hotel seems cool, but I have no idea where it is. I scan the screen looking for an address but I can't find one. Annoyed I do my best to avoid people. Looking up at the red sky, I see the clock tower and a large hill with a building on top. I figured the building on the hill is the Happy Hotel. I hear noises from the TV, but I dont care at this point. I just want a safe place to be, but this is Hell so safe isn't really an option. Walking towards the hill some crazy looking dog frankstein's monster woman grabs me.

"Hand over your wallet!" She demands.

I have no wallet to speak of, so I tell her I can't. I'm so close to a safe haven and now I'm being mugged, this day gets worse by the hour. She keeps demanding my non existent wallet, and I keep telling her I don't fucking have a wallet to give her! She starts foaming at the mouth, and I see her brandish a knife. Backing away, I pray she doesn't do anything. But, they go unanswered as she stabs me in the hand before stomping away.

I walk the rest of the way, my shirt covered in blood as I use my shirt to try and stop the bleeding. Reaching the hotel, the sign says Hazbin Hotel but I could care less what it's called. Knocking on the door, I'm greeted with a grayish-lavender skinned lady wearing a bright red hair bow We stare at each other for a bit.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, my name is Vaggie and you are?" She asks.

"Y/N, my name is Y/N," I tell her.

I swear I see an unknown emotion flashing across her face. She opens the door wider, and I walk in and sit on the couch.

She looks at my hand and offers to bandage it up. I thank her and she tells me it's not a problem. Once she's done, I hear an excited squeal. Turning towards the noise I see Charlie, minus her jacket, looking at me with a smile. She introduces herself and asks If I'm going to stay at the hotel. I nod and say that was my plan. Her smile grows as she asks me my name and how old I am since I looked young. When I tell her I'm a teenager, her smile drops. She looks at me, then kneels down to hug me. I tell her it's ok, and she seems to get slightly better. Grabbing my uninjured hand she points to the other demons and tells me their names.

"Over there is Angel Dust, he's another guest," she says, pointing to a fluffy spider demon.

Said demon looks at me, waves and tries to flirt. Charlie scolds him and says to not flirt with me as I'm a child. He looks at me and laughs, complimenting me for, "a good fucking joke." I tell him it's not a joke and he asks how a kid ended up in Hell. I say I was hit by a truck, and that seems to satisfy him.

"Oh, and this is our bartender Husk!" Charlie exclaims as she gestures to a cat demon in suspenders and a top hat.

I wave to him and he just gives me and unamused look as he drinks from what's probably a bottle of some kind of alcohol. Charlie then gestures to a short red haired woman in an equally red poodle skirt running after a roach with a comically large sewing needle.

"That's our housekeeper Niffty," Charlie says.

I just watch Niffty try to stab the roach, not wanting to end up stabbed agian because I interrupted the werid housekeeper. I turn my head and see a tall man dressed all in red, he has deer ears and a staff the looks like an old fashioned mircophone. I nervously wave to him, and he walks over. Charlie gestures to him and say he's Alastor, the hotel's facilities manager. He gives off an aura of authority and power that sacred me. He holds his hand out, silently askign for a handshake, I follow the silent order.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, my dear. This run down hotel will surely feel more like home with your youthful energy," Alastor says, his voice sounding like it's coming from a radio.

Charlie looks back at me, still with a warm smile on her face, and grabs my shoulders. She promises me that I'll love it at the hotel, and that I'll get to Heaven in no time. I shrug and nervously say thank you, this makes her smile more, if it's even possible. Holding my hands she looks me straight in the eyes. Something feels deranged about her, but I don't know how to place it. All I know is, I'm stuck in Hell with it's princess and her friends. But, I could be worse off than here.

"You're going to love it here! Welcome to Hell, Y/N!" Charlie joyously says.

[arpmemething2]

Batman the Animated Series sentence starters

Send one for my muse’s reaction.  Feel free to change pronouns as needed.

"All right, scum bucket, it's you, me, and thirty stories. You're gonna tell me exactly what I want to know."

"That's one way to remove a splinter."

"I have this natural immunity against poisons, toxins, the pain and suffering of others. Go figure."

"I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it. I cannot. I can only beg your forgiveness, and pray you hear me somehow, someplace... someplace where a warm hand waits for mine."

"Last time we met, you tried to throw me off a building."

"If you think I've been bad news before..."

"Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day."

"What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb?"

"I never counted on being happy."

"A strong mind can fuel a frail body."

"I need a new car."

"There's no way you could have escaped from that explosion! How did you get out?"

"I'm gettin' too old for this."

"I suppose what they say is true: society is to blame. High society."

"Succumb to the fear!"

"Gee, it's amazing the things you find in people's glove compartments."

"Children and guns do not mix. Ever."

"I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over or blow me up!"

"They're not stupid, and it's your party."

"Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen?"

"It's midnight darling, time to unmask."

"It's gonna be one of those nights."

"When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you."

"If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?"

"You've got to admit there's something between us."

"There's always time to heal."

"I didn't realize you'd taken up listening to rock and roll."

"Choosing a weekend date?"

"I don't believe in fate."

"An entire city screaming in fear. I wonder if we'll be able to hear it."

"Some thought I'd gone mad. Others thought I always had been. And so they put me where they thought I belonged."

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no tales."

"This city would fall apart without you!"

"I love that trick but I can never make it work."

"Taking up video games, are we?"

"I hate it when he does that."

"You are strong... but not strong enough!"

"They don't make straight jackets like they used to. I should know."

"He's not samurai. He's NINJA. They're spies and assassins. Their only code is to get the job done."

"A pixel is worth a thousand words."

"I am vengeance! I am the night!!"

"And who says opera has to be boring?"

"He always knew how to make an exit."

"Hey! Do I hit your kids? Oh, actually I do..."

"Now boys, didn't your mommies teach you that's not the way to get a lady's attention?"

"Not the robot theory again."

"Freeze, maggots! You're all under arrest!"

"You said you'd never let me go home!"

"What was she before she went bonkers?"

"This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once."

"'Tis better to have loved and lost, and made a small profit, than never to have loved at all!"

"Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad. It's all arbitrary."

"But you've forgotten the first rule of comedy: if you have to explain the joke... THEN IT ISN'T FUNNY!"

"I told you not to speak!"

"Coming through! Hot stuff!"

"The snow is beautiful, don't you think? Clean, uncompromising..."

"When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping."

"What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law."

"This could cause a stampede to pork."

"You really know how to put the fun in funeral."

"You ought to put your toys away."

"Would not, could not... would not, could not... oh, could not join the dance."

"Home. I never thought that could sound so good."

"Then I'll see you in your nightmares!"

"As the Bard said, "the fault lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.""

"You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this. Too bad I won't get to read the notices."

"He's a little protective of all this. I think he likes bats better than people."

"All your power and money has bought you an empire of misery."

"Don't try this at home kids!"

"I feel ill."

"Well, that was fun! Now, who's for Chinese?"

"You're about to fall out of orbit."

"Why can't he ever stay dead?"

"They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. We always grow back. Don't we, baby?"

"All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative."

"You thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, 'cause I'm not even a real blonde."

"When the wage slaves start acting like they own the place, it's time to pull the plug."

"I've been known to be foolish, but ain't nobody calls me a liar and goes to bed happy."

"Since you don't like my side-splitters, how 'bout a skull-splitter?"

"This is kidnapping, mister! Last time I checked, it was highly illegal!"

[mcbride]

Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E03 - Paris Sera Toujours Paris

this ep wasn't as good as the first 2, but we got to meet Fallou and Antoine, so they made up for what felt like another ep of Daryl absolutely done with everything while relentlessly looking for a radio or a boat.

i feel like Carol's "presence" has been a constant on this show, but in this ep more than ever. her name is not mentioned, but there's at least a couple of pieces of dialogue alluring to her existence, her importance in Daryl's life, and how she is the driving force behind Daryl's urgency to get back home. more after the jump....

so Nicotero got his walker orchestra, which was cool, but def not one of the reasons i watch the show. as Daryl said this was just a stupid detour and now we gonna start doing things his way!

it bothers me how these two warrior nuns are completely useless and helpless when they have to deal with a couple of walkers. in each case, Daryl had to "save" both Sylvie and Isabelle while they were stuck dumb looking at walkers dangerously approaching them. are they warriors/survivors or what?? writers do better!

Laurent spewing some philosophical bullshit about fortitude was top TWD gimmick - kids wise beyond their years are annoying to me! but if you know me, you know i legit dislike most kids written in apocalyptic shows. adding insult to injury, Laurent be like "Not to fret, Monsieur Daryl. You will not die in Paris." *eyeroll* legit. main character plot armor. thanks, captain obvious!

in the "make everything about Carol" segment, we got "La mort et le bucheron:" i think an analogy could be made about hope, and how when we are so close to losing it all is when we hang on tightly to something and finally feel the urge to live, but to do that we need to learn how to share our burden. and i think that applies to both Carol and Daryl, if they are to move on, evolve, take the next step, they must be willing to share, to talk openly, and share their burdens with each other- let the other carry a bit of their weight.

it will never not be hilarious to me how Fallou continuously ignores Daryl's request for a radio, until he introduces him to Antoine, the pigeon guy, and their only form of communication. Daryl is SOOOO done with y'alll.

most interesting lines in the whole ep are about pigeons, heck yas! "Maybe he has a girlfriend... yes? We all have a person who waits... who waits for us somewhere." Daryl's face screamed CAROL and her name has never even have been mentioned on this show YET!!!!!

Daryl and Isa have a moment when she says they are the same, "broken until the world ended." YEAH, NAHHH. not the same! sorry girl, but your bohemian lifestyle chosen by yourself got nothing to do with how Daryl was forced to grow up and survive even before the zpoc.

omg Daryl's idiot longing face looking at the water lilies, saying it reminds him of home... and all i can think about is when Daryl took Carol to watch those Cherokee roses blooming as an apology back in s2 of the original show. that's art!!!!!!

and once again, i am not disappointed Daryl is a true man of honor, and wouldn't let Isa and Laurent suffer the consequences for a shot at getting a boat to return home. it's a very Daryl thing to do, and Isa called him out on it.

AND FINALLY she tells us something we did not know.... Daryl made a promise to whom is not revealed to get back home, and that's all he cares about. he doesn't deny it!! HE CANNOT

Daryl is just so ready to leave AGAIN!!! but not without first telling Isa she's good at making things up (ouch!!), but she needs to tell Laurent the truth.

then Daryl becomes the most reasonable person ever to have ever existed. he says, "maybe he's just a regular kid, a regular kid that got lucky and lived. maybe that's your miracle." 👏👏👏 - that's Daryl being the most Daryl since ever, calling out the bullshit, and keeping shit real. i love this show for bringing him back!

Laurent runs, Codron arrives... "the reasons are everywhere." once again, right when Daryl was leaving again, something happens that stops him from doing so. the universe works in mysterious ways indeed cause what he doesn't know is that he needs to stay around so Carol can find him, and she's on her way there already!

See y'all next week for ep 4!!!

42 days left until the premiere of THE BOOK OF CAROL!!!!!

[explodingquails]

BG3 Origin Characters and the Florence & the Machine Songs that remind me of them

I gave in and am sharing this list now. Potentially long post below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Astarion

Between Two Lungs

And my running feet could fly Each breath screaming "We are all too young to die" ...

Gone are the days of begging, the days of theft No more gasping for a breath The air has filled me head-to-toe And I can see the ground far below I have this breath and I hold it tight And I keep it in my chest with all my might

Gale

Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up)

*for best listening experience please substitute Midas for Mystra in your head

The looking glass, so shiny and new How quickly the glamour fades I start spinning, slipping out of time Was that the wrong pill to take? ...

This is a gift, it comes with a price Who is the lamb and who is the knife? Midas is king and he holds me so tight And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Karlach

Seven Devils

Seven devils all around me Seven devils in my house See, they were there when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done ...

They can keep me out 'Til I tear the walls 'Til I save your heart And to take your soul And what has been done Cannot be undone

Lae'zel

Queen of Peace

*my favorite F&TM song ever for my favorite origin character :)

Like the stars chase the sun Over the glowing hill, I will conquer Blood is running deep Some things never sleep Suddenly I'm overcome Dissolving like the setting sun Like a boat into oblivion 'Cause you're driving me away Now you have me on the run The damage is already done Come on, is this what you want? 'Cause you're driving me away

Shadowheart

Which Witch

*this is just the universal song for religiously traumatized characters

And it's my whole heart Weighed and measured inside And it's an old scar Trying to bleach it out And it's my whole heart Deemed and delivered a crime I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out ...

And it's my whole heart While tried and tested, it's mine And it's my whole heart Trying to reach it out And it's my whole heart Burned but not buried this time I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out

Wyll

Shake it Out

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back And given half the chance would I take any of it back? It's a fine romance, but it's left me so undone It's always darkest before the dawn And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat 'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, for the devil in me  But what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's all! I might do a second part for some none-origin characters if I find the inspiration. Thank you for bearing with me if you made it this far :)

[slapjacq]

I am ill. Not okay. I’ve cried and thrown a tissue box at the wall. Then proceeded to scream at said wall for twenty minutes. Yes I am melodramatic, no I don’t care. I am still in therapy for a reason. Nevertheless, this episode was bonkers, off the wall batshit insane. Like genuinely so good that it almost adds to the tragedy of it all.

Here are my immediate and unfiltered thoughts from my post episode freak out that I have to put somewhere because if I don’t, I will, in fact, explode.

Warning: spoilers up the wazoo, a lot of profanity

First and foremost: Daniel, old Maniel, I can count on you to always keep it a buck, and for that I thank you.

Armand you piece of fucking shit I swear on everything that is holy, you are no longer babygirl, you bitch ass hoe, go stick that fucking doe eyed face up someone else ass you stupid fucking piece of shit. “i cOULD nOt pReVEnt iT” FUCK YOU MEAN YOU COULDNT PREVENT IT YOURE 500 YEARS OLD, YOU SOLD THEM OUT TO BEGIN WITH. YOU STOP TIME, CAN CONTROL BODIES, PLANT IDEAS INTO PEOPLE HEADS, READ PEOPLES MINDS AND THE BITTY BABY VAMPIRE ARMAND COULDNT DO ANYTHIGN ABOUT IT? SUCK MY DICK AND KISS ME MERRY GO TRH THAG SHIT ELSEWHERE (shout out Assad for really giving his all with the whole puppy dog eyes this entire episode 10/10 would fall for them if not the circumstances). I can’t believe I actually was defending this dude a few episodes ago, I literally can’t defend anything else from here moving forward.

Claudia and Madeline deserve to watch these assholes burn and the fact they died such painful deaths should warrant the gods to set the sky alight with constellations of their love. They were allowed NOTHING but a small taste of happiness before it was shredded away from them. No one is EVER gonna villainize them, not to me, not ever. Roxanne absolutely was incredible, and Delainey, in the coming future, better up there as an A-list actor because she has been that astoundingly good. (That goes for everyone here honestly, but Delainey and Roxanne really deserve their flowers here).

Santiago has a special place in hell. I simply cannot wait to watch him die. Decapitation is too kind for him, put him through pain and fury before sending him to hell. Ben Daniels you son of a bitch you played the villain so well. I damn near jumped through the screen when he began to read Claudia’s diaries with a shitty NOLA accent, I have never been so livid in my life.

The rest of Theatre: ��All of you motherfuckers, fuck you, die slow.” -Tupac Shakur

Louis GET UP LEAVE YOUR WIFE DUDE YOU KNOW ITS BULLSHIT and honestly I’m not even going to rag on him this episode because the poor man has gone through too much. Jacob was absolutely brilliant in all of this, and honestly I literally will never stop talking about the performances in this show. Regardless, the upcoming rage is justified and I when get to watch him massacre these assholes, I will cackle with the same glee a schoolboy has after he disintegrates ants with a magnifying glass.

And finally Lestat. He rose on the third day and served cunt and made me ball like the mommy issues toting bitch I am. Sam, my man, you knocked it out of the fucking ballpark. Magnificent. Lestat, fucking bastard. You messy bitch. When you get out of whatever the Theatre is doing to you big man, I better see you read Armand to filth. I better see the same from the other. They both deserve to be dragged to hell and back.

Also Daniel Hart is a genius, just really fills your soul with dread this entire episode, I mean the score was filthy, vivid, and hauntingly gorgeous. The violins at the beginning were nasty work and had me fully hypnotized for the entire 50 minutes.

SFX is killing it, everytime, making it all believable and absolutely the worst someone could imagine it to be. I full body contorted at the sight of the sliced ankles.

Shoutout costume department also did its thing. Santiago’s costume was top tier camp. And Lestat’s suit was absolutely everything. Gender envy 11/10.

I could sit here all day and go on about how all the cast and crew did a fucking fantastic job. Like you can really tell they put their heart and soul into this episode.

I mean dear god I’m going to be in shambles for the next two years this episode was insane.

[daphnebowen]

percy jackson and the olympians tv show episode 2 thoughts

again, just copying my original thoughts from last week 😭😭 lots of rambling, screaming, and general freaking out ahead!

Literally the whole first part of the episode I was sitting on the edge of my seat wondering “is annabeth going to say it? is she going to say percabeth’s iconic line?? I will be so incredibly disappointed if she doesn’t” and then SHE SAID IT SHE SAID IT OMG I LOVE HER and Percy’s reaction lol “huh?”

dude Dionysus is actually perfect “PETER JOHNSON IS HERE” man I am so looking forward to all of their banter

uhhh not me saying chiron’s name wrong for five plus years now and only now finding out it’s KYron and not CHEEron *sobs*

the whole thing with mr d saying he’s Percy’s dad was so funny I was cackling the whole time lol and not Percy ACTUALLY believing him and then Chiron shows up and it’s like “uh wait a minute hold on”

okay it is totally weird realizing that none of these people know who Percy’s dad is or what he can do but everyone watching (or mostly everyone I’ll say) does UGH I FEEL OLD

the music growing scarier as Luke approaches ACK FORESHADOWING he’s kinda cute tho I love his hair

i absolute adore how they made Percy mad about the injustice of the unclaimed at this young age not just as a fifteen year old and I freaking LOVE that for him

Clarisse is amazing, perfect, and gorgeous in every single way

DEMIGOD IN A WHEELCHAIR ALERT 🚨

“is there a greek god of disappointment? maybe someone should ask him if he’s missing a kid” dude I feel bad but the way I lost my mind - walker’s comedic timing and inflection was on point

AND THE FACT THIS GUY HAS AN ANSWER BAHAHAH

OMG WAIT THATS CHRIS AS IN… CHRIS CHRIS??? CLARISSE’S CHRIS??? CHRISTOPHER FREAKING RODRIGUEZ?? AHHHHH

percy is breaking my heart bro praying to his momma and everything it’s ok honey

YES THE BATHROOM SCENE that was lowkey kind of anticlimactic…

ANNABETH YAY

the fact that she just calmly admitted she’s stalking Percy and he’s just like “okay” onto the next thing lmao

was it just me pronouncing Thalia’s name like TAlka and not THAlia like how it’s spelled *sobs* I am really bad at this apparently

luke is making it really hard for me to remember he’s a bad guy, he’s so charming and sweet!

YES CAPTURE THE FRICKIN FLAG LESGOOOO

”sunshine” IS SO CUTE I CANT IM FANGIRLING Annabeth is everything I ever imagined her to be

NOT PERCY FLOSSING OH MY

AND SINGING ROBIN HOOD AND LITTLE JOHN RUNNIN THRU THE FOREST OR WTV HES PERFECT I CANT

percys battle instincts are JAW DROPPING that fight scene was perfect

dude that claiming! Honestly didn’t picture the trident being so big but I think it kind of fits, bc how else is everyone 20 feet away gonna see it?

percy being so confuzzled when Mr d tells him he stole the master bolt is so funny “wHaT?!”

WHERE IS THE ORACLE BRUH

final thoughts: okay, that episode was PHENOMENAL! Camp half blood is absolutely gorgeous, the capture the flag scenes were perfect. Walker is crushing it as Percy and that was genius casting and I will say that till the day I die. I cannot wait for the third episode! my only complaint is, where’s the Oracle?? I genuinely want to hear the prophecy! because if she’s not here now then how’s Rachel gonna become the next oracle? I will hyperventilate bc perachel was so good for percabeth’s growth hahaha. I really really hope she’s in the next episode! I guess we’ll see!

haha thanks for reading my chaotic notes

[flufallo]

Some random, out of context lines from only the best show in the world

"YOU are the brawn?"

"If she'd died last night, I'd have no problem with her being here!" "Well that got dark"

"We've met phychics before, but none as fit as you" "HAH. Did that work on girls back in the 80s?"

"Are you ready to talk to her shoes?"

"And those girls are staring..." "Mabye it's your outfit" *middle finger*

"I don't care how old you are. Go to bed"

"Well, I'm very open minded and also very concerned about bursting open" "honestly I just find her so charming"

"Are you insane?"

"so I'm a... Tree?"

"Cute? Thats offensive"

"It smells like dog shit in there"

"I'll make sure to jot that down in my journal of opinions I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT"

"Luckily, love requires no logic"

"MONTY! JESUS! I'm tryna... Threaten some kids"

"Are you ready to talk to her shoes?"

"Fuck off, the kid had a sardine"

"E-yup"

"she's always... Changing outfits"

"Are you being threatening or is this a sexy choking?"

"weeee!"

"In my experience, uptight boys like a bit of rough play" "... Right" (my poor innocent Edwin has no idea what that means)

"Hello, um, cute little friend with the bow tie"

"Teethface, what the fuck?"

"I'm just a really old man who lives in a fish"

"Specificity is key"

*Girls react sword death* "was that good? Were you scared?" "Pff, no. The sword would of punctured the lung, leaving her *gasping noises* unable to scream. Not to mention the sheer amount of blood filling her mouth. Very disappointing girls"

"You guys are like a dead married couple on acid"

"Is that my left or your left?" "We have the same left!"

"No, it is the blue book on the top left corner" *picks up pink book* "does that look blue to you, Charles?"(Colour blind Charles yaas)

"Well, that's harsh. But also charmingly stubborn. Capricorn?"

"Were not living anywhere, because your not living"

"This detective work is much measure than it ever looked on scooby doo"

"Two boys can like like each other, you know. I have a lot of manga about it. It's very sweet, and explicit"

"Again, a handshake would suffice"

"Yes, your highness"

"What is a hand job?"

"Well have to investigate further into this Molly character"

"At least one of you is in school, right?"

"You've been spending a lot of time with that one... Monty... You... A lot of time?" "Hmm? Merely swapping books is all"

"Oh my fucking fuck"

"I thought you were like a meat robber or a meat pervert or something"

"If you need anything, just shout. But don't actually shout. It's a library"

"Are you always a woman, is Charles ever a woman, can you change your eyes and nose like Mr potato head, do you know who mr potato head is?"

"Your such a whore"

"You don't look like a walrus"

"this looks like the places in those fish stick commercials I like"

"Charles, be less British. Edwin, be less Edwin"

"oh no, it's porn. It's all just porn"

"there are 142 cats" "142? That's way off!" (It's four off)

"and when he gets back from hell, I'll be waiting. God, I am such a romantic I hate it!"

"do you and Charles.. um... Have a special friendship?" "We are best friends, if you must know." (Keep him innocent guys)

"have you seen a Victrola anywhere?" "What?"

"oh, I think I'm gonna be sick!" "You are a ghost, Charles. You cannot get sick"

"well, maybe karma's just a bitch"

"I heard they died in some gay suicide pact"

"I have never wanted to get back inside someone more" (out of context this one just sounds so wrong lmao)

"are you saying my ghost friend isn't going to die? Super, thanks."

[xhanelia]

What i feel about you based on your main agent (bad edition)

I will write the requests but i am in my writerblock era so hoping this will cure it. Love u all <33

Brimstone

Please stop smoking our entrance when we are the attackers please i beg you.

You never speak nor listen. We all know your mic and the whole team is either muted or you are basically deaf.

I have never seen a child play him so you are old. I mean old old. Like a dad or smth

Chamber

The chamber nerfs are a delusion you suck either way

Stop spending your whole 800 credit to a pistol that you will forgot for the rest of the game.

"I was in my prime before chamber nerfs guyss!!🤓🤓" Yea yea we get it.

Chyper

Can you stop saying "I kNoW eXAcLY wHErE U ArE" for five seconds?

You cannot aim so you place a setup that is unbreakable to attackers and letting your traps do all the work for you. How smart. (Thats me)

Cannot do shit when the last one left. You get one or two kills with your trap and u die middle of the round.

Deadlock

Stop placing sensors to our back, trying to hold the backsite but enemy can slow walk and bypass you u know? Then you be raging "I PuT a SeNSoR ThErE"

Istg if i get tangled down by your c one more time im gonna ragequit.

Your ult never gets anyone yet there is the whole five of the enemy team.

Fade

Your prowler shows no one, girl. Stop throwing it at the start of the round.

Stop trying to control your c you are losing so much time and its gonna get no one.

Ult when your team is near PLEASE. Its no effective if you are by yourself and scream "FACE YOUR FEAR" bcs you are the one that will be facing it.

Iso

No one mains iso.

Stop smurfing. Its no fun.

Go back to your own league. You coward.

Jett

You are a little child screaming into mic bcs you dashed forward to enemy and died.

Stop sitting onto the keyboard and actually aim maybe you'll get a kill.

Play with the team once. (I hate you with my whole heart)

Kay/o

You either never use your flashes or you blind just your teammates.

Your ult doesnt makes you undying you know? Stop running towards to the enemy like its new paradise.

The most avarage player. Middle fragging the whole game.

Killjoy

Just gives the info, maybe gets one or two kills because of the stupid dasher enemy jett and dies.

That turret be doing no damage if its on your team but be dealing 50+ if its on the enemy team.

Dont just sit there and wait FUCKING ROTATEEEE

Omen (my main)

Stop using c and teleport mid fight. Its no chamber tp or yoru tp. It takes time to teleport and takes time to handle the gun. You are going to die.

That blind hit no one. Stop being delusional and do not push. You are going to die.

If you do not know how to put a smoke when you close the 'astra' mode, do not. Place it slowly if requires. And again, if you dont do it fast enough, you are going to die.

Phoenix

STOP TROLLING YOUR TEAMMATES WITH YOUR MOLLY AND WALL ISTG I HATE YOU

That flash will hit you. It doesnt matter if the phoenix is on the enemy team or on your team. Or worse, both.

You are not that bad, you just need some humanity.

Sage

I hate you if you are an egirl that instalocks sage just to be a pocket sage to your eboy that plays reyna like reyna cannot heal herself. Stop. Also stop talking. Your voice irritates me.

Her voicelines are so unnecessary. Especially the ones at the start of the round.

We all know you are on top of your wall that closes mid. Dont peak. Also, stop throwing slows to OUR entrance.

Sova

Nobody is going to do anything about your arrow that you throw at the start of the round and showed three or four people. The team will still push. Stop trying to learn freaky arrows and waste your time.

Shock dart kill? What is that?

This agent is not friendly for beginners. Stop making your friends that just started the game play sova. They will show no information for you. Even being a pocket sage is better than a new-starter sova.

Viper

Its ok if you do not have linups. But if you do, then we all know that you havent touch the grass for a looong time and you probably smell like her ult. Please shower.

She be no mommy to you. She is kind of woman that rejects chamber, what made you think that she will even let you look at her way?

"Last player standing"

Yoru

Like kay/o. That flash is here only to blind you. Not the enemy.

Taking the spike and going to another site, saying you'll be back to us then will die and make it drop at the farest site possible. Either stop taking the spike or dont do this shit.

You either bottom frag or top frag. There is no in between. And you are probably 12-13 years old.

Astra

I have never seen someone mains, even plays astra.

So i have nothing to say. Im so sorry :(

Your smokes looks pretty tho. Keep it up!

Breach

You are a man that cannot stand woman. If a woman says anything bad about you, you will blind them, hit them with all of your abilities and do whatever it takes to make them unable to play the game. (Totaly not single-handed experience)

I hate your abilities. Very much.

I do not have any good experience about someone that plays this agent. Not a single one. I will dodge the game if someone picks breach no joke.

Gekko

Your molly is useless. I have seen once maybe twice that it kills somebody.

You have so much potential with wingman when you are the last one standing but wingman is the last thing that comes to your mind. Use it.

Why tf that trash is pickable and usable more than once??? Why?? (You are a nice person tho. Cannot move on without saying it.)

Harbor

Players that plays harbor are no joking. They are not here to learn the agent. They MAIN main him. But that doesnt makes a difference because this agent is close to useless.

Tbh he could have been my main if his abilities were a bit more versatile. Its just smoke and smoke. All about closing the sight of enemy. So fucking boring.

I bet if harbor was a girl, there will be so much people that would play him. Either way, he is boring.

Neon

Stop running and jumping around like an autistic.

You will never be able to nail those neon edits that you saw on tiktok. You look like an idiot while running towards enemy and dying first.

I hate her ult.

Raze

You are a child. A problematic one indeed.

Probably siblings with jett mains.

I bet even i could do better satcheling than you. (i have never played raze)

Reyna

I have no words.

Stop instalocking her. You are no useful.

Either top frag and smurf or bottom frag because your friends said that she is strong and you should play her. (0/11 powerspike. Yasuo of valorant.)

Skye

Just like kay/o and yoru. But that flash will hit the whole 10 that plays the game.

PLEASE HEAL I BEG YOU YOU HAVE HEAL PLEASE PRESS C PLEASEEEEEEE

Deserved nerfs tbh.

[tlouxobsessed]

Abby Anderson oneshot —>

“High spirited”

You and your girlfriend Abby Anderson, have some fun after not seeing each other for a long weekend ;)

contains - daddy kink, switch behavior, smut, sex in general, BDSM, squirting and or creaming, tit play, ass play, vagina play (obvi) , shower sex, strapping, details of sexual behaviors.

I scrammed to take off my apron tossing it to the side, I was exhausted, I had been at the bakery all day, since five am. It was now '4:43' There was cake batter under my finger nails, frosting in my hair and crushed cake bites stuck in the creases of my converse.

"yuck"

I walked out to the front area shutting the glass door flipping the "WE'RE OPEN!" sign to the "closed :(" I swept, wiped windows, cleaned counters. I was done with this place for the weekend. It was Saturday night, holy fuck. Abby comes home today, once the realization hit me; I starting putting a little pep into my step with cleaning.

I've owned the bakery for well over two years now, the first time I met Abby was early Summer of 18' she was young, I was too. We played around a little, makeouts and sleepovers. Never sex. That was until my girlfriend of six years, Ellie Williams, left me to move to California. She was an amazing artist so I tried not to blame her until two weeks later, a post with her new GIRLFRIEND. I was devastated.

Abby hopped into my dms soon after that day, she asked to go get coffee. I explained I had a bakery so we agreed to meet here. She came here which one thing led to another and we fucked in the back room. It was one of the best days of my life...after that we smoked then ate an unhealthy amount of cupcakes, she ended up spending almost everyday with me at that bakery since. Or at least that was until last month....

“Baby…I’m so sorry but I got called down for some meetings next week back in Seattle ): I love you so much and once I get back I’ll take you on an amazing date.”

I wanted to die, genuinely. What if she leaves me like Ellie did? I wanted to vomit. I felt like I was going to when I had heard the news. But she texted me all day long; checking on me, sexting; I needed her so badly when she’d do that, and she knew I did. I had a plan for when she was coming back. I bought some lingerie, I was going to surprise her in the shower once she got home.

I arrived home, cleaning up, opening up a bottle of wine and plopping down on our sofa. I pulled out my phone checking messages….

Abby<3 - at the airport waiting…so bored and i’m missin’ you princess )):

y/n - ugh my baby, maybe i could help with that?

Abby<3 - oh god y/n…. don’t do this to me right now baby

y/n - I cannot wait to taste that pretty pussy of yours

Abby<3 - baby…..

y/n - making you feel good, rubbing my fingers down your slit. Rubbing your clit until you cum all over me.

I pulled down my pants and began rubbing my clit, videotaping it.

“fuck yeah- oh my god i’m gonna cum” I rubbed faster and faster until I felt my stomach churn, I released all over my hands licking them clean while recording. I pressed send and took a long sip of the wine. Tonight was going to be great.

Abby<3 - oh my god princess, I’m going to fuck the life out of you after. i’m getting in my taxi now, im fucking soaked. you have such a hold over me.

I smirked at the phone, I had to get everything ready now. She was forty minutes away, I had made some cookies and brownies; a charcoochie board and some pasta. I was beyond excited to fuck then eat.

I settled back down on the couch, it eating me up. I heard the door twisting to be unlocked, I quickly sipped my wine running to the door to welcome my girlfriend home.

“Y/N!!!” She screamed, I jumped up wrapping my arms tightly around her neck nuzzling. I began sucking on her neck, she pushed me away…

“y/n…” I leaned in kissing her not letting her finish that sentence, I could feel her face heating up. She needed me in her.

“baby- let me go shower first okay?” I nodded. All part of my plan. I pretended to go back and sit on the couch. Once I heard the water turn on, I made my way back into the bedroom. I took off all my clothes, the cold air made my nipples harden. I slipped on our pink strap-on, all eight inches, thick and girthy. God I couldn't wait.

~ Third person ~

Y/N slowly creppted into the bathroom, the glass door too fogged up to be seen through. You smirk as you slide the door open inviting yourself in. You wrap your arms around Abby kissing her neck, you taste her pine soap on her neck, the sweetness from it makes you even wetter.

"Fuck y/n" Abby let's out a choked moan while you rub the strap in between her folds. Pushing her over so she's holding onto the bench in the shower. You spit into your hand, she's already wet enough but you needed more.

You begin stroking the strap, slowly starting to push the tip into her.

"Holy fuck- oh my god..."

You smirk at her moans, she's so sexy when she's submissive. You begin grinding, reaching a hand up to cup one of her breasts. Your finger goes over her nipple immediately hardening it. You speed up, your stroking becomes faster as do her moans. The hot water hitting your back like shards of glass, the sweat pouring down your face. It was all so hot.

"babe...I'm gonna cum"

Abby let out her thick juices which proceeds to drip down the faux cock. You smile at her pleasure knowing you made her feel this way. "Princess...why don't you let mommy shower then I'll take care of you, okay?" You hurried out making your way into the bedroom, the strap falls from your waist. Drying yourself then slipping on your, sexy black and red lingerie.

Your feet smack against the ground, plopping onto the couch waiting for your lover to return. Abby walks out from the bathroom, steam spreading throughout the house, a fluffy white towel wrapped around her waist. Her black sports bra held her figure nicely. You were soaked just at her standing there.

Abby walks over to you flinging you over her shoulder like a rag-doll, you weigh nothing to her based on her muscular physique. She tosses you onto the bed, the comfortable material warming you.

"fuck you're so sexy y/n" Abby says staring you down like a hungry wolf. She begins to pull you up, motioning for you to lift your arms. Once the shirt is off, Abby stares at you, analyzing your body.

Each and every inch of you is perfect, she never fails to make you feel beautiful. "Let me have my way with you pretty girl" Abby says flipping you over and palming your ass cheeks.

You moan out when you felt the friction between the two. She slips her two thick fingers in between your slits from behind, your ass still facing up. Laying on your stomach, she rubs your clit in circular motions.

"Fuck Ab-"

"call me daddy" Abby demands cutting you off.

"Fuck daddy- oh my god" You moan out as Abby begins slipping her fingers inside touching the spongy part of your pussy. You feel yourself building up slowly, as she fastens her pace.

"you like that you little fucking slut" the muscular girl says going faster and faster. You can't even reply, suddenly she stops flipping you over once again.

"I'm going to tie you up like the little animal you are" Abby begins to take out the faux rope you guys had purchased from a sex shop. She ties your legs and hands up. Hands behind the backboard and feet down at the bottom of the bed.

You looked up at Abby with doe eyes, her towel drops. You lick your slips staring at her soaking wet slit. She pounces on you like a wild animal, smacking her tongue onto your pussy. Unable to contain yourself, your moans get louder and louder. Her slow circles around your clit releasing a smacking sound.

"holy fuck-"

"Take it" Abby says shoving her two fingers inside, your tight walls wrap around them. You feel yourself stretching, the pain is bearable but the feeling isn't. Your stomach begins to bubble, her pace quickens inside you.

"Oh my god daddy- I'm gonna cum"

"Hold it princess" Abby says.

You try and try, as hard as you can until you release, Abby's hand quickly pushes on your lower stomach. You release all over the bed, a solid stream of liquid. Before you could relax Abby straps up, slipping on the leather harness. Once again pouncing on you, kissing on your neck and sucking on your ears.

"jesus-" Was all you could make out until she shoves her fingers in your mouth gagging you, scooping some spit to use as lube. She strokes the cock, then slowly rubbing it up and down against your hot cunt.

The tip, then the mid section went in. She went in and out ensuring not to hurt you. Once the cock was in, she began sucking on your tits, leaving small purple and red marks on them. You moan in pleasure as she gets closer to your right ear once again.

"You're so hot when you're vulnerable for mommy" The girl says looking into your eyes, leaning in for a kiss. Meanwhile her stroking was getting faster, and faster. "Abby- babe please I'm gonna-" You don't get to finish, she covers your mouth.

"Shut up slut and let me do as I please" she speeds up once again.

You feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, she lazily rubs your clit until finally pulling out. She plops next to you, staring deeply into your eyes.

"we're gonna have to shower again babe" Chuckling you look back at her, then down. Her pussy is dripping and red. You knew what you wanted to do.

You just had to figure out when.

[akaikali]

TMAGP EP 16 REACTION (SPOILERS)

CELIA HOLDING ALICE HOLY SHIT MAN THE SAMALICELIA POLYCULE IS GOING SOMEWHERE I also think this might be Celia's instinct to comfort from being a mother maybe??? BUT ALICELIA FEELS. My God their ship name could be a palindrome. Insane.

DEAR LORD DID ALICE SEE HER PARENTS DIE???? MY POOR GIRL.

Tape recorder is gone??? And yeah I suspected that the woman had been dead the whole time. Something was using her as a mouth piece, maybe something relates to ep 11 with the deep??

I think Celia and Sam saying they believe Alice is gonna bring them closer. I know people are sus of Celia so it could be a ploy to get closer to the OIAR employees, but I don't know, with her disliking Lady Mowbray, I'm more inclined to trust her.

The fact that Alice says "paid my horror dues" makes me think she knows more about said horrors and is working at the OIAR specifically to avoid it. Were her parents killed by The Horror?

"I think there's plenty of it go around at the moment" Yeah she's talking about Lady Mowbray. Seriously, I have respect for Celia, she really stood her ground last episode.

Man the fact that we were like "omg what if Alice's phone call ends up being a statement!!" In a serious way meanwhile Alice is like "yeah no Freddie will probably spit out in a few days so nothing to be concerned about". What if. Tho. Gwen ends up hearing the phone call. That would be interesting. Speaking of, where is our corporate girlfailure.

Sam you awkward little bean I love you. I'm sure Celia and Alice just gave him the fondest, "You're such a dumbass" look.

SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER TIME????

OH NO. OH NO FUCK AM I GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH INK5OUL. THEIR VOICE.

I'm sorry I now understand what Alex meant when he said this episode was social-cringe-horror. The misuse of AAVE is actually so accurate please help my I'm on the floor screaming this should not be this funny-

Damn so does Ink5oul tattoo....pain or something? I don't have a tattoo myself (yet. I'm gonna get one. As soon as I stop being squeamish about needles. Oh. Needles.) But I don't think they're meant to hurt THAT much???

...I genuinely SHOULD NOT like Ink5oul this much. Please. You cannot do this to me I cannot have a Michael Part 2.

OH MY GOD ITS A YOUTUBER DRAMA VIDEO IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE I CANNOT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD.

I'm sorry THE SITUATIONSHIP FUCKING SENT ME YOU'RE TELLING ME INK5OUL IS IN A SITUATIONSHIP WITH A GOTH GIRL INFLUENCER PLEASE RUSTY QUILL I NEED TO BE SERIOUS I CANNOT DO THIS.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I CANNOT DO THIS I HAVE PAUSED 7 TIMES NOW JUST BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING TOO HARD TO KEEP HEARING. INK5OUL IS HOT AND A GOTH CONFIRMED.

Shut up. SHUT UP. NOT FUCKING DIG. ARE YOU SERIOUS. NO WAY.

Also let me add all the video sound effects are taking me out I LITERALLY cannot do this PLEASE-

OH MY GOD. WAIT. IS THIS WHEN INK5OUL WAS LOOKING FOR THE BODY WITH THE TATTOO FROM EP 11. HOLY SHIT.

"Hell no i ain't gonna call it in" girl by making the video you are basically calling it in what the fuck

THE YOUTUBER DRAMA IS TAKING ME OUT PLEASE THIS IS SOME NICOCADO AVODACO VS STEPHANIE SOO TYPE SHIT (Stephanie Soo all the way honeyyyy).

So...Does Ink5oul have the ability to make people feel pain through the tattoos they do? It's seeming like that's the case.

"The views are cutting me" HUH???? THATS. LIKE. THE EDGES ARE CUTTING ME??? WHAT IS HAPPENING??? HELLO?????

IS SHE DYING. THATS HORRIBLE RN WHAT THE FUCK ALICE LITERALLY JUST SAW SOMEONE DIE NOW SHE HAS TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE DIE????

Okay wait now that Sam has let go of his "be professional" bullshit I'm back on his track SAMALICELIA LETS GOOO

THERE SHE IS THE CORPORATE GIRLFAILURE

Ohhhh Lena. Oh boy. I can understand her tbh, Gwen has no idea what's happening and she's just doing her own thing. Whether she's evil or not, Lena still knows better what's going on and can avoid unnecessary risks. Especially since Lena does seem to care if other employees get hurt.

I SEE HOW IT IS GWEN. SO YOU'LL BE HORRIFIED BY MR. BONZO BUT NOT OF THE CANNIBALISTIC HUNTING WOMAN BECAUSE SHES A LADY OF THE ARISTOCRACY. CLASSISM AT ITS FINEST. I HATE MR. BONZO BUT AT LEAST HES A WORKING CLASS...CLOWN MONSTER THING.

Okay so the Externals are like. A Thing here. Kind of like avatars? I'm not saying in the sense of fears, I mean they're beings that are not human anymore and possibly dangerous.

Wait but I understand Gwen though "You can't take this away just because I did something you never bothered to tell me not to do" this happens to me so much Gwen my babygirl you are So Autistic.

I saw someone say that Gwen needs to be dommed. I cannot say I disagree, especially when Lena tells her to sit down. Anyway we're gonna move away from that thought.

I am not joking. I paused a total of 17 times throughout this episode because I started laughing too hard. I think I have a new favorite episode.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain (Part I)

TRIGGER WARNING: Violence, abuse, suicide, religious themes, ect.

FAMILY TREE (INTRO)

These crosses all over my body remind me of who I used to be.

Christ forgive these bones I'm hiding.

He cannot escape his mother's blood.

He'll never escape what he's made up of.

The fates already fucked me sideways.

You know I raised you bеtter than this.

Leavе me hanging so they all can laugh at me.

AMERICAN TEENAGER

Putting too much faith in the make-believe.

The neighbor's brother came home in a box.

He wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault.

Another red heart taken by the American dream.

I feel it there in the middle of the night.

I'm all alone again.

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it.

Just give it one more day, then you'rе done.

I do what I want.

I said it was fun.

I don't need anything from anyone.

It's just not my year.

I'm all good out here.

I'm sorry if I sound off, but I was probably wasted.

Didn't feel so good.

Head full of whiskey but I always deliver.

If you're listening, let me handle my liquor.

If you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?

I'm still standing here.

I do it for *Name*.

I'm doing what I want and damn, I'm doing it well.

A HOUSE IN NEBRASKA

Sing it to me all day long.

The aching sound of silence used to be our favorite song.

You and me against the world.

You were my man and I your girl.

We had nothing except each other.

You were my whole world.

I still call home that house in Nebraska.

We found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor.

The world was empty, save you and I.

You left, and I cried.

Even if we died tonight, I'd die yours.

These dirt roads are empty.

Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well.

Really I'd kill myself to hold you one more time.

It hurts to miss you.

It's worse to know that I'm the reason you won't come home.

I died there under you, every night, all night.

You know, I still wait at the edge of town, praying straight to God that maybe you’ll come back around.

I cry every day, and the bottles make it worse.

You were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt.

I found photographs of our school, on the day we met.

I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess.

You might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night.

I just hope you're doing fine out there.

I just pray that you're all right.

I feel so alone.

I feel so alone without you.

WESTERN NIGHTS

He's never looked more beautiful.

I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue.

Show me how much I mean to you.

I'd hold the gun if you asked me to.

If you love me like you say you do, would you ask me to?

Trouble's always gonna find you baby. but so will I.

Hold me across every state line.

I'm never gonna leave you baby, even if you lose what's left of your mind.

'Cause you know I'll be right there beside you.

I haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time.

I don't want him to worry.

The neighborhood keeps getting smaller.

All starved out when the money's paper thin.

All that's left are your walls and you'll die there.

I should have known that there's no getting in.

I'll still be alright.

Clinging onto you like some love blind addict.

I'll be screaming your name.

Please don't love how I need you.

Know that one day, you and I could be okay.

FAMILY TREE

I'm just a child but I'm not above violence.

My mama raised me better than that.

Daddy said shoot first then run and don't look back.

Take me down to the river and bathe me clean.

I've killed before and I'll kill again.

Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand.

They say heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Hell don't scare me, I've been times before.

HARD TIMES

Lay it on me.

Tell me a story about how it ends where you're still the good guy.

I hate this story.

Happiness ends and dies with you.

I thought good guys get to be happy.

I'm not happy.

I am poison in the water and unhappy.

I was too young to noticе that some types of love could bе bad.

I still do, and that scares me.

I'm tired of you.

It's just the way that you are.

I just wanna sleep.