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imagine-a-life-like-this · 3 years

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Travel To My Heart (K.SJ)

Warnings : mentions of cheating, a failing relationship, talk about a club

Word Count : 3030

Synopsis : she only meant to travel for a month and find herself before returning to her boyfriend, but instead she left for 6 months and fell in love with another man.

“My travel buddy, I’ll help you find yourself; I promise.” He smiled, holding his pinky out towards me. I linked my pinky with his, smiling back.

“I’ll help you have a breath of fresh air; I promise.”

“I have to work late.” Namjoon gave me a quick kiss goodbye, leaving without another word. I looked through all the pictures I took on my vacation, most of them being of the handsome man I met on the plane. The man who made me realize just how wrong my relationship with Namjoon is. When I left, I wanted to work everything out, fix the things that were wrong and come out stronger than before. But meeting Kim Seokjin changed everything.

“I figured you’d be hungry after your nap.” My eyes were wide as I scanned all the dishes set out on the table of our Airbnb.

“You made all of this?” I asked, looking over to Jin as I took a seat across from him. He nodded sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t even know where to start, everything looks delicious.” I exclaimed as I grabbed the chopsticks next to my bowl of rice.

“Try this.” He said, taking some food with his chopsticks and placing on top of my rice. I smiled at him as I took it in my own chopsticks and placed it in my mouth, practically moaning at how good it tasted.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” I could see the blush rising to his cheeks at the compliment. He tried to hide it and dig into the food himself, but I noticed it and couldn’t help but smile at the affect I had on him. “You’ve got to cook more often during this trip.”

“Deal.”

I’m not sure exactly when it happened. When my feelings began to shift from platonic to romantic; maybe they were never platonic to begin with. All I knew is one morning I woke up in the same bed as him, the sun shining in through the window, illuminating his face, and I couldn’t help but to think about how handsome he was. His eyes had soon fluttered open, and a part of me believed he could hear the pounding of my heart and woke up. He smiled when he saw I was staring at him, and it took everything in me not to kiss him right in that moment. I had a boyfriend waiting for me back home.

A smart person would have decided to end their trip then, go back home and reconcile with their significant other, but I stayed. I stayed for another 2 months with the man I was slowly falling for. I stayed and made memories that would last me a lifetime. Memories of laughter and smiles. Memories of waves crashing on the beach and hot chocolate moustaches.

I swear I only meant to leave for a month to find who I am without Namjoon, our relationship starting in junior high and lasting all the way into adulthood. I swear I only meant to discover myself and return to his side, happy and in love. But instead I left for 6 months and fell in love with another man.

All the arguments and silent treatments started to have no effect on me. I no longer longed for the way things used to be, back when we first fell in love. Instead I longed for the man I walked away from. I longed for the late-night drives, singing at the top of our lungs completely out of tune. I longed for the lazy days in bed, watching dumb movies on his laptop with an array of snacks surrounding us. I longed for mornings waking up to his face and knowing everything was okay. I longed for Kim Seokjin.

“What are you making?” I asked, taking a seat on one of the barstools at the island. Jin looked up from the bowl he was mixing ingredients in for only a second before going back to what he was doing.

“Brownies.” He answered simply with a smile on his face. “Want to help?” I perked up and quickly jumped off the stool and rushed to his side, ready to help. “You can start mixing the dry ingredients into that bowl.” He told me, pointing at a bowl on the counter, surrounded by bags of ingredients.

“Oops.” I said after only a couple minutes. Jin stopped what he was doing to see what I had somehow messed up on. When I turned to face him, he immediately burst into laughter, seeing me covered in flour. I pouted as I grabbed another handful and threw it at him. “It’s not so funny now, is it?” I teased.

“Oh you did it now, princess.” He smirked, and that’s how the food fight began. The entire kitchen, ourselves included, was covered in different ingredients meant to make brownies. The brownies never got made, but we sat on the floor, our backs up against the wall, and we laughed. We laughed until there was tears in our eyes and pains in our stomachs. We laughed until we couldn’t laugh anymore, and then I rested my head on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of mine.

Namjoon came home late like he said he would, but it didn’t bother me like it used to. It didn’t matter to me if he was actually at work, or if he had met someone else. I almost didn’t notice the smell of perfume that I didn’t own. Our relationship was over a long time ago, but neither one of us wanted to let go. We worked so hard to get to where we are. We’d fought through so much to just let it all go.

But it was time to let go. Which is why all my things were packed into suitcases and boxes. Which is why Yoongi was outside in his truck, waiting for me to say goodbye. “I guess this is for the best.” He said, taking in how empty the house looks. I wanted to cry, to have some kind of reaction to the end of 13-year long relationship. But I felt nothing. I was numb.

“It is.” I answered, picking up a couple bags and heading out to put them in my best friend’s truck. Both Yoongi and Namjoon helped pack everything up. And as Yoongi got back into the driver’s seat, Namjoon and I stood in front of the door, saying our final goodbyes.

“I guess this is goodbye.” I nodded, looking down at our feet before looking up at him again.

“I hope you have a good life, Joon.”

“I hope you do too, Y/N.” And with that, I got into Yoongi’s truck and Namjoon went into our, his, house.

“How do you feel?” Yoongi asked as we pulled away, driving to his place that he was kind enough to let me crash at until I could get my own.

“Good.” I smiled and looked over at him. “I feel good.”

“Want to go to the aquarium?” Jin asked as we ate breakfast. My eyes went wide as I nodded as fast as I could. He chuckled, shaking his head at my enthusiasm, before clearing the table. “I’ll clean up, go get ready and we can head out.” I tried to protest, saying I should clean up since he cooked, but he wouldn’t have it. “I want to spoil you today.” He smiled, pushing me out of the kitchen. And he did.

It was my first time at the aquarium, and I ran around like a little kid, pointing out all the fishes. I watched as Jin took pictures of me, saying something about how pretty I looked when I was excited. We got a couple strangers to take pretty pictures of the two of us as well. But Jin took the most pictures when we went to the area where we could touch different animals. I pet the stingrays and the starfish. I held on to every fact the instructor told us.

I’m sure I talked Jin’s ear off for an hour when we went to dinner afterwards. But he just sat and stared as I went on and on, a smile on my face. He showed me some of the pictures he took, and I whined at how bad I looked. But he told me I was pretty in all of them.

We got ice cream after dinner and walked around as the sun set on the horizon. “Thank you.” I said, throwing away my empty ice cream cup and sliding my hand into his.

“Anything for you, princess.”

I wanted to reach out to him, tell him things are over with Namjoon, tell him I love him. But I had no way how. Namjoon made me delete his number when I got home. We agreed to work things out, so he deleted the number of the girl he was seeing when I was gone, and I deleted Jin’s. A fresh start as Namjoon put it.

Yoongi asked me if I wanted to just stay with him. He said his apartment felt more like home with me around and my stuff cluttering his shelves. It seemed more lived in, and he liked that feeling. He was gone a lot, working at the studio, or performing at some club. “It’s nice to come home and having it not feel so empty.” He told me, and so I stayed.

Now that I was single, Yoongi would drag me to his performances. Namjoon and I went to a couple when Yoongi first started out, wanting to support his dream. But as our relationship got rocky and fights were more frequent, we stopped. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw how large the crowd was, nearly tripling the amount when he first began.

“I’m so proud of you.” I beamed at him as he got ready to go onstage. He tried to fight the smile and keep his reputation as cold-hearted Agust D, but he’s never been able to keep that façade around me.

“Are you going to stay back here?” He asked as someone told him he was on in 5 minutes.

“I want the full experience; it’s been too long. Besides, I saw the guys right at the front. I’ll join them.” He nodded and I took my leave, meeting the friends he introduced me to a few weeks prior in the front row.

“Hey Y/N!” Jimin exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug. I greeted all of them, excited to see my best friend on stage again.

“You’ve come so far!” I exclaimed as the 6 of us walked down the block to a 24/7 diner for a celebratory dinner. “Like seriously, Yoongs, you were incredible. You were meant to be on stage!”

“Oh shut up.” Yoongi said, but I could see the rose colour dusting his cheeks and the smile he was trying to hide.

“The effect you have on Yoongi hyung is incredible.” Jungkook joked, playfully bumping Yoongi with his shoulder. I linked my arm through Yoongi’s as we walked, something I used to do when we were growing up, before Namjoon and I started dating.

“I missed this.” I thought out loud, and the others just looked at Yoongi and I with small smiles dancing across their lips. We walked the rest of the way in silence, but that didn’t last long before the younger boys burst into stories of dumb decisions they’ve made. Hoseok and Yoongi joined in with some of their stories, and I just listened to all of them, hanging on to every word they all said, laughing along with them. And all I could think is that Jin would absolutely love them.

Jin would join in with some of his own stories, making all of them laugh. He would critique the food as if he was a famous food critic, putting on a performance as he did it, accent, and all. He would join in the teasing of the other boys, but then make sure everyone had enough to eat before we left.

Yes, Jin would get along well with my new friends and my best friend. He would make it seem like we’ve known each other for years. He would make all of us wonder how this hasn’t been the way it’s always been. Because everything would fall perfectly into place like this is the way it should have been.

I wish I didn’t choose Namjoon over Seokjin all those months ago.

One afternoon when Yoongi was at the studio, I decided to walk around, maybe find a quiet place to read and just get out of the apartment. I packed my book into my purse and put in my earbuds before leaving, bopping my head along to the music playing.

I checked out a couple stores as I wandered before stumbling across a small café. Looking through the window, it seemed almost empty, but it was practically calling to me. A bell dinged when I opened the door, catching the attention of the barista behind the counter. I took in the rustic décor and smiled at the familiar scent of coffee. “Just an iced latte please, to stay.” I ordered, smiling softly at the teenager behind the counter.

As I waited for my drink, I looked around, taking in the whole café. There were a few customers scattered about, some chit-chatting, some working. As I scanned over the tables, my eyes stopped on a familiar face, my heart skipping a beat. An entire beat. It’s like fate called out to me this warm afternoon and placed me here at the exact time Kim Seokjin would be here.

I grabbed my finished drink, the book I was planning to read forgotten at the bottom of my purse, and confidently walked up to the man I’ve missed every single day since we returned from vacation. “Mind if I sit?” I asked, pointing at the empty chair across from him. He looked up from his laptop, eyes widening when he saw me standing in front of him.

“Please do.” He smiled, closing his laptop, and putting it into his bag. Silence settled around us after I sat down, neither one of us knew what to say. I knew what I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t know where to start, or if he even wanted to hear my excuses for leaving him at the airport, walking away hand in hand with Namjoon. “How’ve you been?” He settled on small talk. But it’s better than nothing. It’s better than silence.

“Good. I’ve been really good.” I smiled. “How’ve you been?”

“Good.” The silence settled again. I hated how awkward things were. It was never like this between us, not even when we met on the plane, agreeing to travel around together.

“Namjoon and I broke up.” I finally said. “Our relationship had been over for a while, I think. We both fell out of love but didn’t want to make the move to leave.” I continued, fiddling with my cup of coffee, the ice slowly melting and watering it down.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Honestly, relieved.” He let out a small chuckle.

“You look great, like you’ve truly found yourself.” I looked down at what I was wearing. An outfit I never dared to wear when I was with Namjoon. I grew up with him, matured with him. And it seemed like we turned into each other, becoming one single person instead of separate identities in one relationship.

“You helped a lot. But I think finally ending things and moving out was the final straw.” I didn’t let the silence settle around us again. Instead I jumped in and told him about Yoongi and his performances. I told him about Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyung and Jungkook. I told him about all the antics they get up to and the adventures they’ve dragged me out on. I’ve done so many things I never dreamed of doing when I was with Namjoon, and I felt truly happy.

But I stared ahead at the man I fell in love with in a foreign country, and he smiled softly as he listened to me talk about my new friends, and I knew I could be happier.

He told me all the things he’s done since we got back. How he doesn’t put as much pressure on himself at work. All the new ideas he’s come up with that have been huge successes for his business and thanked me for helping him get out of his head.

And I watched him talk, a small smile on my face. He seemed relaxed and happy. Things seemed to just fall back into place with us as we talked for hours, our previous plans long forgotten in each other’s company.

It’s like we travelled back in time, back to a different country, sightseeing and getting lost but not caring. But instead we were in our home country, walking around under the stars since the café closed. Soon we were standing outside the apartment building I now lived in, but I didn’t want to say goodbye. “I want to see you again, Jin.” I said before he could turn to leave. “Namjoon made me delete your number.” I told him as I handed him my phone, an empty contact open for him to add in his number for a second time.

“Anything for my princess.” He smiled, handing my phone back to me, his number saved once again. “I hope to see you soon.” I nodded and he left.

I swear I only meant to leave for one month, find myself and return to Namjoon’s side and love him like I used to. Instead, I left for six months and fell in love with the perfect man.

He meant to leave and get a breath of fresh air, travel the world, and get new ideas for his business. And while we travelled the world together, making memories that would last a lifetime, he travelled into my heart and made a home.

#bts imagine #bts au #kim seokjin imagine #kim seokjin au #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

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jikookiekosmos · 3 years

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💜 author’s secrets: a tag game

rules ; post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released this year (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

Tagged by the lovely, amazing, incredibly talented Moon (@lavienjin); thank you, dear 🌙

This is gonna be a bit of a long post but I’m gonna have fun with it!

(I’m also adding banners for things because I worked hard on all of them and I’m happy with how they turned out 🥺)

⊱──────── ✬ ✬ ✬ ────────⊰

5 works I’m most proud of for 2021

Only For You - pretty sure everyone no one saw this coming of course. This story is very dear to my heart and was my first big challenge I’d say as a writer here just because of the universe I’ve built around it and the series itself. I love the whole series but this is where it started and it’ll always be special to me. 💙

Make Me - ah, my first Jimin fic. I honestly forget I wrote this sometimes just because of the nature of it, and whenever I’m reminded of it or skim through it again I’m like “how did this come from me” 😂 both it and the sequel though are works I’m pretty proud of, and I’m happy I was able to write about things that made me challenge myself.

Wrong Number - if any of my fics were ever solely inspired by a song, it would be this one. My first real attempt at angst and I’m honestly really pleased with how it turned out (also can we all appreciate dicon JK thank you).

Stay With Me - ok yes I know I have OFY on here once already but if I had to chose a part of the series that was my favorite to write that I’m also proudest of that isn’t OFY, it’d be this one. I loved being able to write about the more emotional parts in the relationship for this couple, and this part is definitely full of that.

Classified & Confidential - my detective Taehyung murder mystery series that I started and I am still very eager to get back to for multiple reasons. A) I want to write about more members outside of just Jikook - like those are my boys but I wanna give some more love to all of them 🥺 and B) I just recently graduated with my Masters in Forensics so I’m actually excited to write about some of what I’ve learned; obviously nothing too graphic, but still make it interesting to read!

Honorable Mention: Pick Your Fighter

(counting it as an honorable mention because I wanted to include non-JK centric fics in this list, too!)

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top 4 current WIPs that I’m excited to release in the new year

Guess the best thing to do is start with 2 works that have teasers so far:

Seneschal - former prince & vampire JK royalty au series; I’m very excited for this and have some pretty neat ideas for it (gonna write my first Bangtan villain too 😈).

Whipped for You - ice cream parlor co-worker Cherry Koo™️ strangers to lovers fic; lots of fluff and other good stuff planned.🍦

And now, for 2 works I currently haven’t posted teasers for yet:

Adrenaline Rush - sequel to Wrong Number with just as much angst as the previous.

Someone You Loved - very recent (like this morning) idea that I had of an unrequited love story and likely the most angsty thing I’ve ever written by the time I’m done with it.

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top 3 biggest improvements in my writing over the past year

I’ve learned to be more concise with my writing (yes I know my word counts usually say otherwise but shhh); I sometimes can drone on and on before realizing I’ve said the same thing in 4 different ways. I think that being able to say what you need to say in a clear, comprehensive manner is important, so I wanna continue improving on this!

I’ve been more consistent about making notes as ideas come to me, instead of “getting around to it later” or just not at all. I can be pretty forgetful sometimes so having an app or notebook for this is critical in helping me keep my thoughts organized and, most importantly, just somewhere I can find them later.

I feel like I’ve improved with my storytelling as a whole and think I get better at it with each new work. I believe that’s a pretty common trait for most writers anyway, because there’s always room for improvement but people are also typically improving naturally as they go.

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top 2 resolutions for improving my writing for the new year

Be more consistent with my writing. I have a bad habit of coming up with new ideas, putting out teasers, etc. and letting current WIPs fall to the wayside. I want to be better about this because I can be more reliable with my writing that way instead of just having a million things in the wind at all times.

Write more about things that challenge me! I want to write out of my comfort zone (within reason of course, not anything bad or hurtful for myself or anyone else) so I can push myself to do more and be bolder.

These are pretty standard resolutions I think, but I also believe they’re achievable. And I’ll work toward them both!

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number 1 favorite line I’ve written in 2021

Ok now this is hard (mostly because as I said earlier, I can be forgetful sometimes so I don’t always remember lines that stick out to me), but if I have to choose it would be this one from the OFY paint drabble:

“I was just thinking about how pretty it would be,” he looked down at the floor then back up at your face before he continued, “if I used you as a canvas instead.”

(can y’all tell I’m super soft for the OFY couple 🥺)

2021 was a year of many challenges, whether that happened to be writing or other things in life, but I’m very grateful for all the friends I’ve made here during this journey.

I’ve met some people I probably never would have otherwise that I consider dear friends now, and have also become a fan of many other talented, wonderful writers.

Thank you for sharing your stories with the world, and thank you to anyone who has supported me as I share my own 💜

tagging: @dntaewithluv @xpeachesncream @still-with-koo @kookiecrumb and anyone else who wants to do it!

#skye rambles #tag games #author secrets #very grateful for those I’ve met in 2021 #and looking forward to an even better 2022 #💜💜💜

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gwentoryfics · 4 years

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Hot for Teacher, Part 10.

GENRE | College Student x College Professor Smut AU

PAIRING | Reader x Hongseok x Hyunggu (Kino) x Wooseok

WORDS | 11.3k

SUMMARY | You never realized how much one drunken night could color the rest of your college experience until you discover that the handsome stranger from your cousin’s wedding is also the new professor at your university.

WARNINGS | Swearing. Phone sex. Video sex. Masturbation (male and female). Pillow humping.

PARTS | 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 5.5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • More Coming Soon

NOTE | The smut MAY have gotten a little out of hand this time... NO REGERTS. Also sorry that it took me so long to finally finish & post this. Anxiety, depression, and long work weeks really suck.

TAGS | @astralsweetness, @bearboyunho, @day6grams, @heyheydee7, @hhhongseok, @honeyutoda, @kkxn0, @precious-seungwooya, @seraplantery, @smilechannie, @the-deviant-world, @yeosang-ponytail

“Jinho?”

You’re completely frozen in place as you stare at your brother, as bright eyed as he’s ever been, standing just across the lobby. He stands on his tiptoes to wave as people pass between you both, and then he’s walking towards you.

Jinho, your big brother, is here. He’s right here.

You finally break out of your shock, vision growing blurry with tears as you rush towards him, abandoning your grip on your suitcase as soon as he pulls you into a hug.

“_____, I missed you!” Jinho squeezes you tightly, and you notice his body is much more solid than it used to be.

“Jinho…” You weakly whimper his name as the tears begin to fall, still in utter disbelief that after so long you finally get the chance to see him again. You haven’t heard a word from him since the day he disappeared.

“Come on, _____, don’t cry.” He pats your back but doesn’t make any attempt to let you go.

Even with your arms securely wrapped around him, you still can't comprehend the fact that he's here and he's alive and he's here.

Jinho waits until you finally release him, giving you all the time you need to hold him close. He gives you the warmest smile, and as much as it soothes you, it also makes you suddenly, incredibly angry.

"Where did you go?" You ask, frustration thick in your voice. "Why did you leave? Why haven't I heard anything from you?"

Jinho's smile fades, but he seems understanding of your pain. "Let's talk about it in the car, okay?"

You nod, overwhelmed by all of the emotions flooding you. Jinho grabs the handle of your bag and leads you out into the parking lot. You tightly grasp the sleeve of his coat as you walk together, afraid that he could slip away from you at any moment.

Once you’re finally on the road and headed home, he speaks up. “You know how mom and dad wanted you to be a secretary? Or a housewife? They’ve been telling you basically since you could walk that they already decided what you should do with your life and that their plan was the best plan. Right?”

You hum quietly in agreement. They had always been vocal about what they wanted for you.

“They did that to me, too, I’m sure you remember.”

“Yeah, I lost count of the number of times I heard them telling family and neighbors about how you were going to take over the farm one day.”

“It’s suffocating. It felt like I had no control over my life, like I couldn’t actually do what I wanted to do.”

“What did you want to do?”

Jinho sighs, shifting in his seat as you coast down the street, headed for the country. “I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I still don’t. All I knew was that I wanted to make my own decision. So I joined the Army.”

Your eyes widen and you sit up a little straighter, surprised. “What?”

Jinho lets out a short laugh at your response. “Yeah, it just seemed like the right way to go. I didn’t have a plan for university or for a career, so I thought joining the Army would let me get away from home for a while, let me meet some new people.”

“Jinho, how does that make any sense? You left home because you had no freedom, so you joined the Army, where you also have no freedom?”

“I never said it was a good idea, or even the right one. But it’s the choice I made. I got to make that decision,” Jinho responds bitterly. A little softer, he says, “I didn’t have the balls you have to uproot your whole life in pursuit of a passion, to tell mom and dad that you won’t do as they say. So I just had to leave, had to disappear.”

You chew on your lip, processing everything he’s shared with you, but one question remains: “Why did you have to abandon me, too?”

“It felt like the only way. It felt like I needed full separation from my life here, and you were unfortunately part of that. I feel awful about it and I never should have removed myself from your life like that. You’re my little sister,” He looks over at you fondly, but it’s bittersweet. “And I’m your big brother. I’m supposed to be there for you but I was selfish and left you to fend for yourself. I am so, so sorry for that.”

You hate to admit it, but you understand where he’s coming from. It makes sense. You just hate that it made you feel so shitty and like you didn’t mean anything to him. But you’ve always loved your big brother, and honestly you’re so happy to have him back that it’s feeling more and more difficult to continue being upset with him. Still, you put on a pout. “Maybe if you buy me some ice cream before we get home, I’ll think about forgiving you.”

“You’ve got it. One large chocolate cone for my favorite baby sister, comin’ right up.” He heartily agrees to it, and you smile.

“How long are you home for?”

“It’s indefinite. I’m done with the Army.”

“Really? What are you going to do now?”

Jinho laughs. “No idea. But that’s kind of freeing. Like I can just decide to do anything now.”

“That’s true,” you laugh with him. “And no matter what you end up choosing, I’m proud of you for figuring it out your own way.”

With a fond smile, he says, “Thanks, _____. And I’m proud of you for following your heart and doing what you love, despite whatever bullshit mom and dad try to shove down our throats.”

Oh, if only he knew just how much you’ve been following your heart… But you’re not ready to tell him all of that right now, if at all. The two of you used to be really close growing up, but him leaving obviously drove a pretty big wedge between you. It doesn’t feel right to tell him exactly what you’ve been up to at school.

Besides, it feels really nice to just let yourself get away from the drama, to just relax in the car with your brother on your way home, with the promise of ice cream in the very near future. You want to enjoy this just a little while longer before you’re forced back into contemplating your predicament.

All of the boys in your life can wait. The only one that matters right now is Jinho.

When you finally pull into the driveway, it feels like a weight lifts up off of your shoulders. It’s so good to be home; you love the excitement of the city, but there’s something so peaceful about the small farm town where you grew up.

Your parents are both thrilled to have you home, of course, and the four of you stay up a little too late just to enjoy being a full family again. Regardless of the circumstances of Jinho’s disappearance, it doesn’t seem like your parents are holding any grudges. You’re really thankful for that.

The next day, the Thanksgiving festivities kick off with a trip to your grandparents’ house where your dad’s large family crowds around the tables in the living room, dining room, and kitchen. The food is incredible, the relatives are loud, and everything just feels right… Although you can’t help but be excited about moving on to the next house for dinner.

After a few hours of eating and visiting with your relatives, your family piles back into the car and heads to your mom’s brother’s place--more specifically, Minseo’s childhood home.

As expected, Minseo tackles you as soon as you walk in the door, smothering you with a hug and squealing about how much she missed you.

You squeeze her as tight as you can, twirling in circles with her in your arms. “I missed you too! We have so much to catch up on!”

“Oh my God, you have no idea.” Minseo puts her mouth right up against your ear and whispers, “I’ve got a boyfriend.”

“What?” You practically squeak, partially from the surprise of her announcement and partially from the tickle of her breath. You release her from the hug and grip her arms. “Who? Since when? What happened?”

“I can’t get into it now because the whole family’s here and honestly my parents are not thrilled that I’ve even been hanging out with this guy. But what do you think about a good old fashioned sleepover at your place tonight?”

“Of course!” You nod excitedly.

“Yay! Okay cool.” She plants a kiss on your cheek and gives you one last hug. “I’m gonna go say hi to Jinho, since I haven’t seen him yet since he’s been back.”

You remember that she was supposed to pick you up from the train station. “When did you find out that he was home? I can’t even begin to tell you how shocked I was to see him at the train station instead of you.”

“Only a few days before you got here. He got my number from your mom and asked if he could pick you up instead. I told him yes, of course, but only if he bought me ice cream to make up for the fact that he was keeping you away from me for an additional day. I still need to cash in on that.”

With a giggle, you admit, “I made him buy me ice cream too, as an apology for disappearing in the first place.”

“What else is he good for if he isn’t supplying us with snacks?” Minseo laughs heartily. “Anyway, I love you, and I’m excited to chat more tonight.”

“Love you, too.” You give her a smile as she walks off to greet your brother.

More family members arrive, and eventually you all get settled for dinner. The food is delicious, as it always is, and you mingle with some of your aunts after the meal.

As you scan your eyes across the living room, you catch Jiyoo's gaze for what must be the fifth time already. Honestly, you're starting to wonder why she hasn't just come over to say hello yet. You excuse yourself from the conversation your aunts are having, which you weren't really a part of anyway, and slip through the room to finally greet your cousin.

"Hey, Jiyoo!" You walk right up and give her a hug. "How's the married life?"

She lightly hugs you back, but she seems a little stiff. "Oh, you know, it's going well. Hey, um, can I talk to you for a sec?"

You let go, immediately sensing that something must be wrong by the way she just dismisses . "Yeah, of course. What is it?"

"Maybe let's…" She nods her head towards the back door. "Maybe some fresh air?"

"Sure, okay." You agree, deciding to just follow her lead on this one.

The cold night air instantly hits you as soon as you step foot outside, but it's actually kind of refreshing. The house was getting a little stuffy because of all of your relatives, anyway.

Jiyoo takes a seat in one of the lawn chairs sitting out there and gestures for you to sit in the one next to her. You oblige. "Is everything okay?"

She finally confronts you, asking, “Did you really sleep with Hongseok?”

Panic strikes deep into the core of your bones. How could she know? “Sorry, what?”

“He told Hwitaek and I overheard and I just… I thought we should talk about it.”

“He? He told… Hwitaek?” You’re absolutely flabbergasted. Why would he do that? Was he just bothered by the way you ran out and needed to talk to a friend? That wouldn’t be entirely unfair of him, but you had both agreed to keep it a secret originally and you assumed that still rang true for your most recent tryst.

“Hey, it’s okay, just… just be honest. If he’s just talking shit about you, you can let me know and I’ll set the record straight.” Jiyoo searches your face for a sign of the truth, concern lining her delicate features.

You try to swallow the lump that’s formed in your throat. This is certainly not something you wanted to tackle tonight, but you suppose you don’t have much choice if she already knows about it. “...And if he’s telling the truth?”

Jiyoo’s lips press into a thin line. “Then I guess I just need to accept that my baby cousin isn’t that much of a baby anymore.”

With a frown, you apologize. “I’m really sorry… I know it was a bad idea but I just…”

“You couldn’t help it. I get it.” Jiyoo lets out a deep sigh. “Honestly, that’s how I was when I met Hwitaek.”

You look to her expectantly. “I’ve never actually heard the story.”

Jiyoo hums and crosses her legs, settling back into her chair. “We were both bio chem majors, so I saw him around quite a lot. He has sort of a distinct face, one that’s really memorable. And he used to always wear these big headphones everywhere he went. I always wondered what he would listen to.” She smiles as she fondly reminisces. “I used to work at the computer lab in the science building part-time, and one day he passed by. And just as I turned around in my chair to tell my coworker about the cute Headphones Guy, he walked right up to the desk.”

You smile, enraptured by her storytelling. “Did he ask you out?”

“Don’t rush the story!” Jiyoo chides. “No, that’s actually not why he came back. He asked me if I knew what time the building closed, and I said I wasn’t sure. And then he gave me this weird look and laughed, saying, ‘What do you mean? You work here. How do you not know what time the building closes?’ I felt like an idiot, but I just told him that I knew when the lab closed, but that I didn’t know if the building closed at the same time. I didn’t think it was that crazy, but he did, apparently.”

“Wow, that’s very romantic,” you sarcastically comment with a chuckle.

“Yeah, it might not have been a great start, but the thing is, he stayed right there at my desk and talked to me for an hour and a half until my shift was over. And then he walked me to my dorm building. And then he came upstairs, and I’m sure you can guess where this is headed.” She smiles at you deviously.

With a laugh, you respond, “Really? You gave it up that quickly? I wouldn’t have expected that from you.”

“_____, you’ve seen him. I took one look at him and I was enamored. Add his dorky personality on top of that and I was practically telling him I loved him that night.” Even in the darkness of the backyard, you’re positive that she’s blushing. “And now look at us. He’s the love of my life and I wouldn’t give him up for the world. So all of this to say, I absolutely understand how there are certain people that you just can’t resist.”

You just nod. “It’s definitely difficult.”

“So how have you been handling the semester?”

“I mean, I tried to keep things between us as normal as possible but obviously that didn’t really work out, as you’re apparently aware,” you laugh. But when you look over at her, she just looks at you quizzically.

“What do you mean?”

And that’s when it dawns on you that this whole time she’s just been talking about your original hookup with Hongseok. She doesn’t know about the one that happened literally two nights ago. “Oh! Oh… oh no.”

You can’t cover for yourself in time. Jiyoo’s eyes grow wide and her mouth hangs open as she realizes exactly where the misunderstanding came from. “Did you sleep with him again?”

“I thought that’s what you were talking about!”

“_____!” Even though Jiyoo is shocked, she keeps her volume low, well aware that the entire rest of your family is packed inside. “He’s your professor!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Frustration blossoms in your chest. “And what about everything you just said? I thought you understood!”

“This is different! It’s one thing to be swept off your feet by a handsome stranger, and it’s entirely another to screw your professor!”

“Are you seriously mad about this right now?”

Jiyoo just shakes her head in disbelief. “_____… What have you done?” She falls silent, and somehow that is the worst thing that you could have received from her. She takes a deep breath and then instructs you to stay put as she disappears inside. When she returns a few moments later, Hwitaek and Minseo are in tow.

She literally brought in recruits. You immediately throw up your walls, feeling the need to defend yourself. “What’s this all about?”

Jiyoo looks at you like the concerned mother hen that she’s always been whenever you’re involved. ��I think we all need to talk about how you’re handling yourself.”

Minseo’s brow furrows with confusion as she looks to Jiyoo. “What happened?”

“She slept with Hongseok again.”

Both Hwitaek and Minseo are visibly shocked by the news, but more importantly, you’re shocked by the gall that Jiyoo has to spread your personal life around like that.

Minseo’s expression melts to something that looks kind of like sadness. Before she can say anything to you, though, you shoot daggers at Jiyoo. “Why don’t we all just quit being such a gossipy family and instead just mind our own business?”

“_____-” Jiyoo tries to reach out to you, but you turn and storm off, heading towards the barn just to get a second away from everyone so that you can breathe.

You slip inside the large barn, slowing your pace as you walk past the tractors and other equipment stored there. You head directly to the back of the barn and plop down onto the floor.

There’s something weirdly comforting about being in the barn. It reminds you of growing up, back when things were a little more simple. Your life working on the family farm hadn’t been particularly easy--it’s very challenging work--but at least back then you didn’t make such shitty decisions for how to live your life.

You barely get more than a minute of solitude before the barn door creaks open, and Hwitaek pops his head in. “_____?” He looks around for a second before he spots you. “Can I come in?”

“You’re not here to lecture me, are you?”

“Not going to lecture you. I promise.”

You chew your bottom lip. “Come in.”

Hwitaek closes the door behind him and makes the long walk over to where you’re seated. He joins you on the floor, and sits quietly for longer than you expected. Maybe he just doesn’t really know what to say. It’s not like the two of you have ever spent time together before. You chatted for, like, a second at the wedding, and that’s it.

Eventually he gets some words together. “I’m not going to apologize because it’s not my place to, but I’m sure you know that Jiyoo likes to make everything her business.”

“Not sure if you’ve seen any trends yet, but that’s kind of just how our family is.”

“I’ve noticed.” He chuckles. “Minseo has been spending a lot of time at our place recently and oh my God those two never run out of tea to spill.”

You have to laugh too because you know how true that is. “Yeah, they can be a lot. I’m sure it’s at least partially a small-town mindset. Everyone here is always in everyone else’s business and I’m just kind of over it. That’s half the reason why I wanted to get away and go to university.”

Hwitaek nods. “I can understand that. I’ve never lived in any major cities but it definitely seems like a change of pace compared to here.”

“It is. But I like it.”

Another silence falls between you, and you absentmindedly fiddle with your shoelaces as the cold starts to set in. It’s a bit awkward, but you just stew in it until he speaks up again.

Eventually he says, “Hongseok has talked to me about you. I know it’s not any of my business though so we don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to.”

“Jiyoo said he told you about… the wedding.”

“He did. And he told me how hard it has been to be around you. It sounds like he’s really been struggling with everything he’s feeling, and I shouldn’t be surprised that he caved. I even told him not to act on his impulses because clearly that introduces a lot of risk into the situation, and I didn’t think that was a good idea. He’s usually so disciplined…”

“It’s kind of my fault,” you confess. “I have zero self discipline and I just couldn’t keep myself under control.”

“Well regardless of who takes the blame, I do trust Hongseok with my life and I think he’s got a good head on his shoulders. It’s not my job to tell you two what you should or shouldn’t do, so I’m going to take a step back. He certainly doesn’t have any ulterior motives, so I don’t think it’s truly that concerning that you’re student and teacher.” He shoots you a side eye. “As long as you’re not planning to blackmail him or anything.”

You just shake your head. “I’m not like that. What happened between us has absolutely nothing to do with me wanting some sort of personal gain or anything. It’s just… he’s just attractive, that’s all.” You feel your face heat up. It feels weird to say that to Hongseok’s best friend.

“He really is. And he’s charming, too. I get why anyone would fall for him.”

You laugh awkwardly. “Who said I was falling for him?”

“Feel free to tell me you’re not, if that’s the case.” Hwitaek looks over at you, one eyebrow raised inquisitively.

You frown. You know you’re definitely attracted to him, and you enjoyed spending time with him at the exhibit, but do you have any feelings? It’s hard to tell because of the way things ended. “I don’t know. I think we just need to talk when I get back. I kind of ran away last time I saw him so there’s a lot that’s unresolved.”

“Just be honest with him when you talk, and that’ll encourage him to open up, too. There’s no point in trying to have a discussion with him if he feels like he has to watch everything he says.”

“Yeah, I think some honesty would probably be good for us.”

“No matter what you two decide about where to go from here, it’s up to you two. Just know that there might be consequences, so be careful. And I’ll do my best to keep Jiyoo out of it.”

“Thanks, Hwitaek.” You give him a small smile. “I appreciate your support.”

“Of course. He’s my best friend and I want him to be happy. It’s risky, but I get it.” Hwitaek stands and holds out a hand to help you up. “Let’s head back now. It’s freezing out here and I’m dying to dig into that pumpkin pie.”

You and Minseo sit silently on the old couch in your basement, munching on gummy candies and popcorn as an old movie plays on the TV. It’s not one that either one of you is particularly enthusiastic about, but it’s just one of the many DVDs tucked into the entertainment center the TV stands on.

She’s been more quiet than usual since she came back to your house with you after the family dinner had ended, and you’re positive that it has to be because of the sudden announcement of your affair with Hongseok. You’ve been dying to bring it up with her, but you had to wait until Jinho finally went to bed so the two of you could be alone.

Now that he’s gone, it’s time for you to talk.

You’re not really sure where to start, so you just ask, “Are you mad at me?”

Minseo sighs. “We always tell each other everything. Why didn’t you tell me about Hongseok? Why did you tell Jiyoo first?”

“I was going to tell you, I swear. I was planning on telling you about it tonight. Jiyoo just accidentally figured it out first because I’m a dumbass and misunderstood what she was talking about.” You lie down across the couch, resting your head in Minseo’s lap. “I’m sorry that you didn’t get to hear about it from me first but I promise I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you. I was just saving it for a better time, kind of like how you didn’t want to talk about your boyfriend when we were at your parents’ house.”

Minseo rakes her fingers through your hair, and you close your eyes, pleased. “I get it. I’m sorry for being grumpy about it.”

“It’s okay. We all get grumpy. Do you want to hear about it now?”

“Duh,” she laughs. “I want every single detail. Spill.”

So you tell her everything. How he gave you the private tour of his exhibit, how you essentially invited yourself over to his apartment, how he made it pretty clear that he didn’t really want you to leave until he had his way with you. How you ran like the wind out of his apartment the next morning. And you even tell her about your trysts with Wooseok, and the fact that you’re supposed to be mulling over whether you want to date Kino when you get back to the city. And as you expect, she’s incredibly invested and interested in every single morsel of information you share with her.

“You’re really out there living your best life, huh?” She comments when you finally finish your stories. “What an exciting mess you’ve created.”

“It’s great, right?” By this point you’re seated upright again, and you lean heavily against the back of the couch, letting your head fall back against it. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about any of it.”

Minseo shrugs. “Just do what you’ve always done: follow your heart.”

“It’s so much more complicated than that, though.” You respond with a frown. “I can’t just do whatever I want anymore.”

“Well but you can. To an extent, at least. It’s your life, after all. And it’s up to you to make sure that you’re living in a way that makes you happy. It sounds like you enjoy spending time with all of the guys you’ve been around, but now you’re too stressed by the circumstances to keep enjoying it. Obviously hooking up with multiple guys and ignoring romantic feelings isn’t the answer anymore.”

“And my heart will tell me what to do now?”

“It’s a starting point. Take me and Hyojong, for instance. My parents don’t like him, but I do. He’s what makes me happy. So screw what other people think. Don’t worry about our family. Don’t worry about your friends back at school. This is totally your choice, and you get to decide what you want to do. If you’re just living your life based off of what other people want or expect from you, then you’re bound to have regrets.”

You have to admit that she’s right. You only get one life, and you’re the only one that gets to run it. So you can’t let yourself worry about what other people will think if you decide you’re interested in anything romantic with Hongseok, or Kino, or Wooseok… or how the three of them might feel if you choose not to pursue anything romantic with anyone. You have to choose for you.

“I have to choose for me.” You nod. “This is my life and who cares what other people think?”

“Exactly! That’s the spirit.” Minseo smiles broadly. “You’ll figure it out. And whatever is right is what will happen.”

You return her smile, and refocus the conversation on Minseo. “So Hyojong? That’s your boy?”

Giddy, she nods excitedly. “Yeah. We’ve only been together for a few weeks, but _____, he is absolutely wonderful.” She pulls out her cell phone and shows you a photo of the two of them picking apples. You immediately recognize his heavy-lidded gaze and long hair.

“Really? The bartender from the wedding? Girl!” You nudge her playfully. “I knew you thought he was cute but I didn’t know that you were, like, into him into him.”

“I didn’t know either! But I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jiyoo and Hwitaek recently and Jiyoo kind of set us up, and he’s so weird and funny and cool. He’s perfect for me.”

A warm smile touches your lips. “I’m so happy for you, Minseo. That’s exactly the kind of love you deserve.”

“Thanks,” she nearly blushes. “Now we’ve just gotta get you on the same train.”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I get it figured out.” As your conversation comes to a close, you look back to the TV. “Can we please watch something else? I’m so over this movie.”

“Oh my God, I thought you’d never ask,” Minseo laughs. “Yes, please.”

Late Friday night, you find yourself digging through your closet in search of the sheet music you know you have for “Rhapsody in Blue”. You meant to bring it with you this year but you forgot about it when you made the move back up to your dorm. You’re certain it must be in here, but you keep getting distracted by old photo albums and yearbooks and all of the other nostalgia packed into the shelves of your closet.

One of the items that catches your attention is the keepsake box that your mother put together for you. It started out as a place for you to store all of the cards you got for your birthday or holidays, but you added other random items to the box like the friendship keychain Minseo made for you when you were younger, or the small piece of wood you found that broke off of the dance floor during your school’s prom.

Inevitably, whenever you revisit the keepsake box, you find something in there that you had forgotten about. This time is no different.

When you open the small box, your eyes immediately land on the dried up flowers sitting at the very top: Hongseok’s boutonniere.

You completely forgot that you decided to keep it--your night with him was just a pleasant memory by the time you departed for school. When you had put the flowers in this box, you had no idea just how much of a story would grow.

You pick up the small bundle of withered blooms, running a finger over the dried petals until you realize something that you should have noticed before--now that the flowers have shrunk, you can very easily see the piece of paper that’s tucked in the middle of the bunch.

Gently, you pick out the paper, the dramatic beating of your heart picking up rapidly. Did he leave you a note when he gave you the boutonniere? What secret message could he have snuck to you?

As you unfold the small note, you realize he didn’t leave you a message--he left you his phone number.

Ten digits, his name, and a stupid winky face.

Part of you wants to crumple it up and throw it out the window. Rid yourself of it forever so you can stop thinking about him all the goddamn time.

But another (and unfortunately much stronger) part of you tells yourself that this is special. This means that you were never just a random hookup to him. Well, maybe it was random, but the phone number at least implies that he wanted to see you again.

Hongseok quite literally asked you to reach out. He gave you everything you needed to establish a connection with him.

What would have happened if you had called? Would he have wanted to take you out on a date? Would he have asked you to get all dolled up again, just like you did that night, just so he could ruin you?

And more importantly… what would he do if you call him now?

There’s so much that was left unsaid between you and him after you ran out. You have a million questions. And for some reason, you’re feeling stupidly brave right now. (You blame it on the dumb winky face.)

You jump onto your bed and grab your phone, your hands shaking as you pull up the dialpad. Are you really about to do this?

You punch in his number.

You press the damn green button.

You hold the phone up to your ear, pulse racing at the sound of the ringing.

And then he answers.

“Hello?” His voice alone sends something terribly wonderful shooting through your veins.

“Hi.” You answer simply, not really sure what to say.

Hongseok pauses for a moment, and then he says, “Sorry, who is this?”

Idiot. He doesn’t have your number. “Oh, right, um, it’s me. _____.”

He pauses for a longer moment, and you worry he might hang up on you altogether.

“Um, so I’m home right now for Thanksgiving, and I… I found the flowers. And your number.”

“I’m not sure this is appropriate.”

A bitter frown reaches your lips at his response. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

“Well what do you want me to say, _____? What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know!” You’re starting to feel exasperated, but you remind yourself that your rushed exit could be the cause of his attitude. More calmly, you say, “I’m sorry that I left like that. I just panicked and I had to get out of there. I’ve felt so confused about everything.”

“I suppose I can’t blame you for that.” Hongseok sighs gently. “We sure have made things confusing, haven’t we?”

You nod, and then realize he can’t see the gesture. “Yeah. We really have.”

“Can you give me a minute? Just stay on the line.”

You hum in acknowledgement and the call goes completely silent. Your pulse is through the roof, equal parts excited to be speaking with him over the phone and fatally nervous to be speaking with him over the phone.

After a little while, his voice is back. “Still there?”

“I am.”

“Thank you for not leaving this time.”

You let out a small laugh to accompany your eye roll. “Was that all a test?”

“Not exactly.” Hongseok chuckles in tune with you. “I just needed a second to get myself a drink before having this conversation.”

“Ah. You think it’s going to be that bad?”

“For my career, probably. Or my sanity, at the very least.”

It’s pleasantly surprising to you how quickly he drops his guard this time. “I drive you that crazy, huh?”

“Yeah.” He admits. “Yeah, you do.”

Now it’s your turn to be silent. You hadn’t expected him to so openly admit that.

“I have to ask…” He starts. “I thought maybe you just lost the boutonniere or that my phone number fell out, and that’s why you didn’t call. But you kept both of those things. So… why didn’t you?”

“Hongseok, you folded the paper up so small and you tucked it so far into the flowers that I had no idea it was even in there. I just saved the flowers because… I don’t know, they had a good memory attached. I didn’t even see the paper until now because the flowers finally wilted enough to expose it.”

“Was it really that small?”

“You folded it four times,” you laugh. “Once or twice would have sufficed. And you could have just handed it to me separately. I don’t know why you were so sneaky about it.”

“I thought it would be a cute gesture!” He defends himself. “I was just trying to be romantic.”

“You had the right idea. And hey, I called you eventually.”

“Yeah, just not under the circumstances I expected.”

There’s a thick pause, the silence heavy between you. You know exactly where this conversation should go, but you’re scared to be the one to bring it all up. The longer the silence goes on, though, the more you realize you just need to suck it up and ask the questions you want answers to.

“...How do you feel? About what we did?” You try to keep your voice steady to hide your nervousness. Then you tack on, “I think now would be a good time for us to start being honest with each other.”

He exhales deeply. “I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt more conflicted about something in my life. I’ve spent the last few months preaching to you about morals, and then I brought you into my home, fully aware of the Kryptonite that you are.”

You can’t let him take all of the blame for what happened. You say, “I’m the one that suggested it.”

“Yeah, why did you do that?”

“Because I thought I had something to prove. I swear I wasn’t trying to be sneaky. I genuinely thought that I just needed to one-up your car ride suggestion to show you how okay things were between us.”

“But now here we are.” Another pause, but this one isn’t as long as he willingly confesses to you, “I hate that you left. I absolutely hated it.”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have run out like that.” You apologize, but there’s more you want to say. “But… I’m not sorry about what we did."

There. You admit it. As much as you felt the need to apologize to Jiyoo about your behavior the other night, it was empty. You don’t regret it. And if you had the chance to sleep with Hongseok again, you'd do it. It might be wrong, but you honestly couldn't care less. Especially now that you're talking to him, hearing his sweet voice and remembering the way he touched you.

Quietly, he responds, "That makes things quite complicated, doesn't it?"

"How do you feel about it?" You press him, feeling like tonight is the night he’ll actually be frank with you about what he’s thinking.

"It was careless of me to let you into my home, and even more careless of me to give in to my desires. I genuinely thought I could handle being around you, but I can't. I can't be around you, _____. You're far too much of a temptation."

"You say you can't. But you want to be," you push. You're getting him to open up one way or another.

And it works.

"Yes, _____, I want to be around you. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Only if it's the truth."

"It is." Frustration is sharp in his voice. "I've been a wreck thinking about you since you left. I've been absolutely torn up trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do now and wondering how you’ll act in class, if you’ll even show up. And now you just call me out of the blue? Do you know how badly I wanted you to call me this summer?"

You answer with your own question, keeping your voice soft. "I called you as soon as I found your number, didn't I? I swear I would have called you in a heartbeat if I had seen it sooner."

He sighs deeply. "Can you imagine how much harder this semester would have been, though? It was hard enough for us to stay apart this long, and that's after sleeping together only once this summer. We could have potentially built up a lot more… history before the semester started if things had gone differently."

"So you're saying you would have slept with me again if I had called you the next day?" A coy smile comes to your lips and you grip the comforter on your bed.

"If you called me, and that's what you wanted, then of course."

"And the day after that?"

He laughs. "As often as you wanted."

Butterflies stir deep within you. "...and what about now?"

Hongseok is quiet for what feels like a century before he responds. "What is it that you want?"

You bite your lower lip, knowing exactly what you want to say but trying to get up the courage to speak it. Eventually you just force it out. "I want to see you when I'm back from break."

"When do you get back?"

"Sunday afternoon."

"Come over then. I'll be home."

Incredible excitement pulses through you. He's done fighting it. He has given in just as much as you have.

"You'll have to text me your address," you coolly respond.

"I'll do that."

Quiet falls over the line, and you know that there's still something else you need to talk about. "What does all of this mean when it comes to class? It's too late for me to drop and honestly, you haven't done a great job of giving me unbiased grades anyway. You're too good at math for that to have been an accident every time."

"You're right about that, and I apologize again. You, on the other hand, have done a wonderful job keeping me honest."

"Why did you boost my grades, anyway?"

"Because I knew you'd come storming into my office to get it fixed."

"So what, you just wanted to see me?"

"I did."

"You know that was a terrible plan, right?"

"Yes, I'm aware."

"You've really got it bad," you joke. But there's a little bit of weight to it, just a touch of truth.

"And you don't?" He replies, and you feel the same weight in his voice.

You let yourself respond flirtatiously. "How can I not?"

Hongseok lets out a soft chuckle. "We've been screwed since the beginning, I think."

"Agreed," you murmur. "I knew the second I laid eyes on you that I was in trouble."

"It was that easy, huh?"

"It was mostly the tux," you lie. He gets a big ego far too easily.

"Mm. Then what was it the other night? Because I certainly wasn't wearing a tux."

You laugh and shamelessly divulge, "It was the glasses…"

"Really? Those old things?"

"They just looked so… you looked really handsome in them." The blatant compliment is rough on your tongue. It feels weird to so openly tell him that he's attractive.

"Mm," he hums. "I like hearing you say that."

Your already quick heartbeat picks up, but you don't know how to respond. So you just pick up your unfinished train of thought. "Wait, we're getting distracted. How are we going to finish this semester?"

"I swear on my life that I will give you a fair grade. I won't boost it in your favor just to prove my interest, and I also won't lower it if you decide you want nothing to do with me. I understand that I gravely mishandled the first part of this semester, and I just need you to trust that I'll do better this time."

You frown a little. "I want to trust you on that. It at least makes me feel a little better that you were always willing to fix my grade when I told you there was an issue."

"And if you have any further complaints about your grade, we can discuss it. That is always the truth."

"Okay. That makes me feel better." You breathe a little easier.

"And of course, it goes without saying that this should remain between just the two of us."

You sigh heavily. "Then I'm just gonna come clean right now and let you know that Jiyoo and Hwitaek already know."

"You told them?" Hongseok sounds rigid as ever, and you hope you didn’t just ruin his pleasant attitude by telling him that.

"It was an accident! Jiyoo came up to me spouting about how she knows about everything because you blabbed before, and I thought she meant everything everything, so I accidentally said more than I should have. In my defense, I'm obviously not the first one to talk to them about it so I'd appreciate it if you weren't too harsh about this."

He takes a deep breath, and you hear the clink of ice in his glass as he takes a drink. "They really are nosey--well, Jiyoo, mostly. Hwitaek just gets sucked in."

"She's always been that way," you confide.

Hongseok actually chuckles. "That doesn't surprise me."

"It's still kind of weird to me that you know them so well. And then you ended up being my professor? What are the odds?"

"Mmm… I’d say about one in twenty-seven million, nine-hundred-sixty-seven thousand, six-hundred-thirty-two or so."

You laugh in disbelief. "Don’t tell me that you legitimately just did that math in your head.”

“I mean, I can only take partial credit for that because no, I didn’t do the exact math for our situation. I don’t even know how to start calculating that. But I do know that the average probability of winning a six-number lottery is thirteen million, nine-hundred-eighty-three thousand, eight-hundred-sixteen, and I figure our situation is probably even more rare than that, so I just doubled it. That figure is probably still too low, though.”

“Oh my God,” you just shake your head, laughing. “You’re absurd. You just know the exact probability of winning the lottery? And you just did all of that multiplication in your head? Who does that?”

“I do, _____. I’m a mathematical genius.” Hongseok sounds so serious that you can’t help but laugh a little harder, and he laughs right along with you. "It really is unreal, though. I had no idea that I would cross paths with you at the university,” he continues. “Do you feel okay with all of this?"

"Yeah, I do.” You start to regain your composure. “I feel much better now that we're talking."

"Good. I want you to feel okay, especially if we both want to… move forward with any kind of relations."

You have to roll your eyes at his choice of words. "'Relations'? That's what you went with?"

"Ah, yes. 'Rendezvous' would have been better."

"Oh my God, you're an idiot," you laugh wholeheartedly.

He chuckles quietly. "What should I say, then? What do you think is more appropriate?"

"Maybe hook-up?" You offer. "Or… bang sesh? Fuck fest?"

That elicits deeper laughter from him. "All good options, I suppose."

"Or if you wanted something a little softer… maybe… a date?"

"I like that suggestion." His voice is warm when he responds, and then more quietly he says, "I was afraid that I ruined everything because of the way you ran out. I thought I went too far and made you regret the whole thing."

Butterflies stir deep in your belly. "You didn't ruin a thing. But I was definitely surprised when you kissed me. And… you said you couldn't stop thinking about me. I had no idea."

"I've spent more time thinking about you than I'd care to admit, if I'm being honest."

You let yourself smile broadly when he says that. It's not like he can see you grinning like a fool, anyway. "What would you think about?" You prod.

"Most of the time, it's your eyes."

"Really?"

"They're so intense, and so honest. It’s unbelievably easy to feel connected to you because of that, even when you’re mad or upset." He softly muses. "And when I'm not thinking about your eyes, I'm thinking about the way you danced with me at the wedding reception. Or the incredible music you make when you sit down at the piano. Your passion is truly amazing."

You appreciate the compliment, but that's not really the type of conversation you're trying to have right now. "And what about when you're alone? What do you think about when you think of me then?"

"Are you looking for something a little more R-rated? Is that what you want?" He teases you.

You sink a little lower into your bed, humming quietly in agreement.

"Those are the times when I think about the curve of your body, your clothes on the floor, you pinned under me." He confidently responds.

"Mm… Are you alone now?"

"I am." He responds darkly. "So yes, those are the thoughts currently going through my head."

A delicious flame of pleasure licks at the space between your thighs, and you drag your fingers subconsciously across your throat. "I have very similar thoughts… like thinking about your face buried between my legs." You don't allow yourself to be embarrassed by the bold statement--you're too turned on to think critically, anyway.

“Just you wait until Sunday, _____.” The mellow timbre of his voice has taken on some edge. “I have to warn you, though. I can’t guarantee that I’ll let you leave once you get here.”

“I want you to wreck me, Hongseok. Just absolutely demolish me when I get there.” Your voice becomes increasingly breathy as your hand slides up under your shirt, pushing your bra out of the way and toying with your nipples. Christ, what you wouldn’t do to replace your hand with his right now.

“If you’re going to keep talking like that, I think that can certainly be arranged.”

Pinching your nipple, you let out a soft gasp. All rational thought is very quickly going out the window as your need for release quickly takes over.

“_____, are you touching yourself?”

You know your noises aren’t quiet enough to prevent getting caught, but you’re also not at all guilty about being caught. You let your voice be sultry. “What if I am?”

“Then I just might have to join you,” Hongseok responds, fucking cool as a cucumber like always.

Your stomach twists into a delicious knot--you’d love nothing more than to masturbate with him over the phone. But before you get too carried away, there are a few things you want to take care of first. You abandon your chest, fumbling for the headphones that lie tangled up on your nightstand, knowing that you’re going to want both of your hands free for this. You also stuff a blanket along the bottom of your bedroom door to block the light coming from your room and help muffle any sound--your family should all be asleep by now, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful.

“You always get me thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking.” His voice comes through your headphones loud and clear, and your phone buzzes in your hand with the receipt of a text message. “Check your phone.”

You quickly realize the message is from him, and as soon as you open the message, you swallow hard. Hongseok sent you a picture of himself lounging in bed, in nothing but low-slung sweatpants. At the top of the frame you can just barely make out his teeth biting into his plush lower lip, and his muscular abdomen takes up the majority of the screen. But perhaps the most important and eye-catching piece of the whole photo is the unmistakable outline of his hard cock through the fabric of his sweats, emphasized by his hand holding the base and pulling his pants tight against his erection. You have no doubt that he must have taken photos like this a thousand times before because no one is that good at taking sexy shots without some practice.

“F-fuck,” you mumble, completely caught off-guard by the photo. Every thought you have is some combination of you wanting to kiss or lick or bite or suck every inch of him, and you try your hardest to form a coherent sentence. “Oh my God, you’re such a tease.”

“You don’t like it?”

“No it’s fucking amazing but Christ, what am I supposed to do with this?”

“Well if you’re open to suggestions, you could maybe send something back.”

You pause for just a second, contemplating, and then respond. “Okay, hold on.”

You know that getting a good photo could easily take you twenty minutes, so you reserve yourself to the fact that you’re just going to have to settle for whatever you can get in the next sixty seconds. You quickly shimmy out of your sweatpants so you’re just in your blue cotton underwear and a graphic tee. You pull up the hem of the shirt to expose a little of your tummy, and then try to snap a picture similar to his. It’s not quite enough, though, so at the last second you decide to slip your fingers into your panties, pulling the band down with your thumb to show off some extra skin.

There. That’s the shot.

“Okay, I’m sending it,” you tell him quietly, your hand oddly shaky as you press Send.

He hums softly in acknowledgement, and you hear him suck in a breath as soon as he opens the picture. “Fucking hell,” Hongseok groans. “You are so hot it is unbelievable.”

A devilish grin creeps onto your lips. You love that he’s just as floored by you as you are by him. “What are you gonna do about it?”

"For starters, I'll put that rotten mouth of yours to good use. And then--what was it? I'll wreck you. Ruin you. Demolish you. I'll pin you to the wall, the bed, the floor, and I'll stuff you with my cock until you can't think straight."

Jesus Christ this man knows just what to say. You haphazardly push your panties down, kicking them off onto the floor as your fingers graze over your slick pussy. "Too bad we have to wait a whole two days for that."

"I guess I'll just have to fill the time thinking of you and stroking my cock."

His words send a delicious shiver down your spine. "Maybe you'd like to think of how wet I am right now, how easily--aahh--how easily my fingers slip right inside." You glide one finger into your pussy, delighted by the way your nerves completely light up at the sensation. Your other hand returns to your chest, making sure your whole body is tended to.

"Fuck," he chuckles playfully. "You've got me so hard, _____."

"Ugh I just wanna ride you forever." You hear him moan quietly over the line. "Are you touching yourself, too?"

"Of course I am. How can I not when you paint such a lewd picture of yourself in my head?"

"I'm fingering myself and wishing you were here, Hongseok. I wanna be strewn out, completely wasted because I'm so drunk on you."

"Tell me what you're doing, _____."

"I've got one finger pumping slowly in and out of my pussy. My palm--nggh--is pressing against my clit. And my other hand is up my shirt, pinching my nipple. It feels so good, Hongseok, oh my God…" You start to get carried away in the pleasure you create for yourself, and you struggle to keep focused.

"I want you here so badly," Hongseok groans, and you know it's because of his pleasure. "I swear I have never in my life wanted anything as much as I want you right now."

Your heart flutters uncontrollably. How does he always manage to make these moments feel romantic? You desperately want to respond, I'm all yours if you want me to be, Hongseok, but it feels too heavy. Too laden with emotion. You swallow all of that down and respond with a much safer, "Tell me what you're doing right now, Hongseok."

"I'm thrusting my cock into my fist and desperately wishing it was your pussy instead, wishing I could fill my hands with your ass and occupy my lips with yours."

You whimper at his words. Imagining him fucking his hand drives you absolutely wild, especially when accompanied with such sweet words. And you can hear his hard breathing, his deep dulcet tones as he tells you exactly what you want to hear.

Hongseok continues, "My cock is throbbing in my hand, fuck, I wanna be inside of you so bad."

"I'm dying to feel your cock again," you moan quietly, careful to keep your volume low. As you slip in another finger, you feel the deep pressure that you know precedes some of your most amazing orgasms. Oh, this is gonna be good. "Fuck, Hongseok…"

He moans softly too, murmuring your name as he pleasures himself. "I want to feel your wet pussy squeezing my cock," he groans. "What do you think, _____?"

"I want it, Hongseok, I want you to…" You're cut off by the buzzing of your phone.

"Check your phone," Hongseok breathily commands.

You release your nipple and pick up your phone with one hand, the other coming to a standstill with two fingers still pressed inside you. Electric anticipation shoots through you at the thought of receiving another dirty photo from him.

But this time, it's not a photo.

Hongseok sent you a video.

With a shaky hand you press play, and you're immediately drowning in lust. The video shows his hand tightly gripping his cock as it moves up and down the shaft, slick with spit or lube or something. You hear him hum your name in the video's sound.

"I want to feel your wet pussy squeezing my cock," he groaned, and it sounds even more filthy and amazing because he recorded it. And then the video shifts up his torso and to his stunningly handsome face. Hongseok stares right into the camera, flicks his tongue across his lower lip, and asks, "What do you think, _____?"

You watch it again, open-mouthed in shock and practically imploding. Not only is the video the single most sexy thing you've ever seen, but he was brave enough to send you his face? If you wanted to, you could use this video alone to turn him in to the school. He literally just handed you blackmail.

You would never, ever in a million years use this video for that purpose, though. It's just amazing to you that he would trust you so much to send you such incriminating content.

"Hongseok," you finally speak. "You are so unbelievably perfect."

"Hardly," he lets out a soft, low chuckle. "I'm just horny out of my mind right now."

"Me too, and fuck it feels so good."

"I want to see you, _____."

Your breath catches in your throat. You've never taken a video of yourself like that before, and it sends a dangerous thrill through you that he's asking for one. And as you pick up your phone, you see the call screen, and you notice that small little camera--the tiniest suggestion that you could change this call to a video call at any moment.

And then you dare to press it.

The phone rings again as you wait for Hongseok to answer the video call, and you're wholly unprepared to see his face when he picks up.

He looks at his phone for a moment, just looking at you, and then the most beautiful smile breaks across his face. "Hey."

Every organ in your chest is an absolute wreck. "Hey," you echo.

"This isn't quite what I expected when I said I wanted to see you, but I'll take it."

"It's convenient though, isn't it?" Your walls involuntarily clench around your fingers, reminding you of your need for release. "Let me… show you."

You lower the phone to skim down your body--although your top half is still covered by your t-shirt so you're really not showing much--and when you get down to the hand tucked between your legs, you lift one leg and wrap your arm around it to get a good shot of your pussy. Your fingers press deep into your slit, and you moan for Hongseok.

"Shit, _____, you look so good. I wish I could taste you."

You pull out your fingers and separate them, showing him the strings of your wetness that spread between your digits. "That's what you want?" And then you bring your hand and your phone up towards your face, putting on your best sultry eyes as you twirl your tongue around the tips of your fingers.

Hongseok groans, "Oh Christ," and then he shows you his cock, forcing you to plunge your fingers back inside your pussy out of sheer desperation.

"Hongseok, I wanna cum so bad," you whimper. You can feel it building deep within you, and you just need something to push you over the edge. And honestly, watching him work his cock might just be enough.

You feel absolutely depraved watching him stroke himself, curling your fingers into your pussy as you masturbate together. It's delightfully sinful and you're obsessed with the way it makes you feel.

"Hong… Hongseok…" you moan his name, forcing your eyes to stay open so that you can keep your focus on his hard length. The coil in your abdomen tightens to its limit, and you're entirely aware that the dam is about to break. You struggle to keep your pussy in frame, as you push yourself over the edge. "Watch, watch! I'm coming…"

And just like that, your whole pussy convulses and you abruptly pull out your fingers, watching as you squirt all over your bed. It's nearly impossible to prevent your moaning, so you do your best to keep the volume down as you explode.

Hongseok sounds just as pleased as you thought he might be when you hear a string of expletives come over the line. But even his words are broken up with soft grunts and almost-moans. "I didn't know… you could do that."

"Sometimes," you laugh, quite out of breath from the water show. "Do you like it?"

"Of course I do," his hand picks up its pace. "I want to make you squirt next time."

"You can do that," you acknowledge. Even after your release, you notice that your clit isn't at all sensitive and you are still pretty turned on. So you keep your hand down there, absentmindedly rubbing circles into your bud.

It's not long before you feel the need to engage your hips. You start thrusting up against your fingers, but you want something more.

"I need your cock," you moan to him, partially convinced that his body is the only thing you’re missing.

"I can't even tell you how badly I want to give it to you," he responds in a dark, sultry tone. On camera, he starts to thrust up into his hand instead of just stroking it, and you think it looks absolutely amazing. You thrust your hips in time with his, but you need more.

Less-than-gracefully, you climb up onto your hands and knees, propping your phone up against your headboard. He gets a nice tall shot of you kneeling on the bed, legs spread and strings of juices hanging from your pussy, and you hear him groan something about how he loves this view.

You grab your pillow and fold it in half for extra height before tucking it between your legs and spreading your folds so that your clit rubs directly against the pillowcase. You ruthlessly hump your pillow, eyes completely trained on your phone so you don't miss a second of Hongseok's jerking.

"Christ, you're unbelievably sexy. That is so hot, _____," Hongseok groans. His hand twists the head of his cock before plunging back down the shaft, his arm muscles bulging as he quickly jerks off. You can see his cock rapidly twitching, pulsing extra hard as he approaches orgasm.

“Think about me riding you, Hongseok,” you quietly moan, trying to encourage him to climax. “Think about burying your cock in my pussy and grabbing my hips and filling me up with your cum.”

“Is that what you want?” His breathing is ragged. “You want me to cum inside you?”

“Yes, I want it,” you confess, and you know it’s the truth. You’ve fantasized about letting him fuck you raw so he can feel every inch of you as he cums. You’re dying to know what that feels like.

“Fucking Christ…” Hongseok’s hand moves a little faster, strokes a little deeper, until it’s clear that he can’t hold back anymore. “_____…”

With just a few more pumps, Hongseok finally releases, his throaty moans accompanying each rope of cum that shoots up onto his chest. Between the sounds and the visual he provides, you simply cannot handle yourself.

“Hongseok,” you murmur his name. You continue to grind against your pillow, blissfully soaking it with your juices. The delicious tension in your abdomen is too much--it's coiled too tightly and it's going to snap any second now.

Your eyes squeeze shut so you can better imagine Hongseok lying beneath you, his calloused hands grasping your waist as you rock and grind your hips.

"_____, you're perfect. Fucking perfect. Ride me, _____." He seems to play along with the fantasy in your head, inching you closer until you finally break.

Pure, blissful pleasure rushes through you like adrenaline as you orgasm, roughly dragging your clit over the cotton of your pillowcase. It takes everything in you to keep quiet, and your thighs tremble with each powerful wave.

And when you finally open your eyes, you see Hongseok watching you with so much adoration it makes you want to cry.

"That was amazing," you pant, breathing hard from the exertion of your orgasm.

"It was amazing to watch, too." Hongseok beams. "I am so attracted to you it kills me."

You collapse onto your bed, tossing your pillow aside and picking up your phone. Hongseok genuinely appears to be glowing, and you can't help but wonder if he sees you the same way. You just smile and say, "I can't wait to see you."

"Neither can I," he responds warmly. He takes a moment to wipe the cum off of his chest with a towel, and then he settles back into his bed, lying on his side and gazing sweetly at you through his phone. "I can't tell you how badly I want to kiss you right now."

"I wish you could. Man, you're such a good kisser."

“Sunday. I’ll kiss you all I want on Sunday.”

It’s weird how much you wish you could just reach through the phone and touch him, run your fingers over his cheek, brush his hair out of his eyes. Your heart pounds as your eyes skim over his face, taking in his beautiful image. He makes you feel so warm and happy. It’s undeniable that you’ve got feelings for him. And so you don’t even think twice before the words come out of your mouth: “I like you, Hongseok. I don’t care that you’re my professor. I’m done worrying about that because I just like you and I want you and that’s all there is to it.”

It’s true. One-hundred percent.

Hongseok’s smile is small and sweet, but bursting with tenderness. “I like you too, _____. I don’t care about you being my student, either. We’ll make this work for us.”

“Mhm.” The fluttering in your chest is endless, and you know this couldn’t feel more right. “We’ll make it work.”

You both stay on the line as you turn off lights and tuck into bed. Hongseok talks to you about nothing, and your mind is finally at ease as your eyelids start to become heavy with sleep. His voice is a lullaby and when you finally fall asleep, you dream of nothing but the warmth of his arms.

POST SCRIPT | Thank you for reading! Please stay tuned for Part 11, and let me know if you want to be tagged when I post it!

#ksmutclub #uninet #universe-net #hongseok smut #yang hongseok smut #pentagon smut #pentagon hongseok smut #hongseok #yang hongseok #ptg hongseok #pentagon hongseok #pentagon fanfic #pentagon fanfics #pentagon scenarios #pentagon scenario #hongseok scenario #hongseok scenarios #hongseok fanfic #hongseok fanfics

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shiteatinggrin · 4 years

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Hi, so this is my contribution to my first jilytober, I wrote some canon fic, it is kinda sad so I guess you could call this angst? I don’t know, I’m not that good at categorizing fic. Anyways, here is a love letter to James Potter from Lily Evans because he just died under her eyes. Wrote this fast, so I can’t vouch for the quality of this. This is almost 3k of Lily being a sap, so enjoy! Find it here on Ao3.

Bastard with a shit eating grin

Do you remember our first kiss? I can still feel the cold air of winter seeping through the walls of Greenhouse Number Three and you and I laughing together. It was not an unusual thing anymore, but some people could have been surprised, because we had had some big feuds over the years, the Dormitories Dashing and Destroying Disagreement, the Inflating Inner Ear Incident, the Flying Fiona Fight and the Severus Snape Saga consisting of the big highlights. However frustrating it was, we always had fun together, didn’t we?

Now we were falling in love dutifully without realising we had always been meant for each other in some way. I was all colors: glorious red hair, pink cheeks, pale green eyes and horrendously yellow socks. You were all teeth: shining smiles, arrogant smirking, belly-laughing in a silent room or grinding them in concentration for the task you were committing to (hyper-focusing on) at the moment.

‘Oi, Evans, can I copy your homework?’ You would say that practically every day.

‘How about a please, Potter? Might do you some good.’ You watched me smear some soil on my neck when I scratched it and said nothing. I discovered it in Transfiguration two hours later. Crazy how we can only remember the smallest details years later and the big things just go right over our heads. I could only ever remember the small details with you, because whatever we said to each other was never important, only the talking to you part was.

‘Oh Lily, dearest flower to my heart that I worship beyond any rainbow, might I please please please see your diligently done homework so that I can rewrite it because, being the idiot that I am, I was off gallivanting with Sirius yesterday instead of being a good student.’ You added pouts and made doe eyes for good measure as if I wouldn’t already have grabbed the moon from the sky’s grubby hands every night if you had asked it.

I would stifle a smile and put some piece of parchment in your extended hand without even looking, sometimes it was the homework if I was feeling generous, if I were more in a creative mood I might give you a stupid doodle or some kind of letter that would say something like: ‘Dear Prongs, you are an asshat. Looking forward to our rounds tonight so I can kick your ass in Gobstones. Now listen to Sprout, will you? Lily’ with a stupid heart over the i that basically meant PS: I love you. Finally, I’d say something like:

‘I would have laughed, but your head might inflate so much you’d have neck pain for a week.’

You let yourself smile then and continued to jest me, hoping to wrench a smile out of the beast (you always did it literally two minutes later, it is funny how easy it is to win when you give yourself such small tasks).

But that day, amazingly, we broke out of our routine.

At night we would always hang out together in the common room with our friends and slowly the people would fizzle out, having gone up to their dormitories and I would stay on the couch with the urge to kiss you with some dumb excuse not to leave on the tip of my tongue. I painted my nails or read some book or talked to you extensively about something I’d learned recently and you would listen with concentrated eyes and a much too easy smile.

Then you would start talking and when you started some story it would never finish, even now you can’t even recall something as simple as Harry’s first smile without going on for five full minutes without stopping. In these nights I would try to look like I wasn’t paying too much attention to you, like I was detached from everything pertaining to your person, but being young and in love doesn’t exactly give you the best skills in subtlety and so you would ask me if I was paying attention and I would blush and you would make some quip about redheads and their skins and everything would go back to normal.

And out of the blue, when I was talking about getting some sugar quills next time we were in Hogsmeade and how difficult the Ancient Runes paper was, you kissed me. Your hands flew to my hair and mine to cup your face and you pressed your body hard against mine. I’d never seen you so hungry for anything before, it seemed like you had been starving for a thousand years before our lips found each other. I had kissed three boys before you, and none of them could compare to the feeling of ecstasy of your mouth against mine. No one will ever compare to James Potter, right? That’s what you used to say in fourth year when you made a particular lucky goal in Quidditch or when you caught the Snitch in mid-air even though you were a Chaser and we were in Potions classf. Is it weird that I miss that?

I don’t think there ever was a time when I didn’t love you, all electric hair and much too quick brain and hundred stupid nicknames that didn’t mean anything unless you explained them in excruciating detail and you would smile too much and talk too loud and walk too fast and I wouldn’t feel so out of place with you because I did the exact same things. Petunia was always prim and proper and I always tried to be like her and please everyone but you taught me how to be myself and how to blossom into my personality without even knowing it. With you I’ve never been too much, I was always just enough.

Everything always came so easy to you, and I’ve always hated you for it. Now I think that I can’t appreciate enough how you could always share that with everyone around you, that incredible luck that could get you out of the worst of predicaments. I guess it all caught up to us today, but I don’t mind now. I’ll love you forever, come what may.

My heart is full of wanted posters of you: dead or alive.

I can’t remember the first time I’ve really noticed you, because you were always in the periphery, doing stupid things and getting in trouble and beaming for no reason at all and the memory of your presence was impossible to shake, but I still remember the first time we really became friends. We were fifteen by the lake and my best friend betrayed me under the glistening sun, the following day I had the worst grade in Transfiguration I’d ever gotten. You found me crying by a window on the fifth floor and apologized a hundred times (which I couldn’t have cared less at the moment), but you still went and talked to McGonagall and she agreed to let me retake the test in the afternoon and offered me a biscuit.

In seventh year, a girl told me that she was so jealous of the fact that I was the only one that could make James Potter change and mature. As if your life revolved around me. I thought of your sick father and the fact that Sirius had appeared on your front door one day and never left your house and with a twinge in my heart thought of the war coming and I couldn’t believe my ears. With all this going on, and she still thought you’d only change for a girl?

I’m not proud of this, but I might have shouted at her and maybe, perhaps I was the one that sent a silencing charm her way, but who could really tell? Not her, because her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth.

I wonder if I ever told you that. Probably, because you know everything interesting there is to know about me. You even know the most boring facts about me, because they amuse you just the same. You know I like peonies the best in spite of my name and that my first kiss was with Snape when I was eight, you know that I wiped my mouth right after and didn’t know yet what love was. You know that my favourite band is Hate Potion and that my guilty pleasure is Celestina Warbeck. You know that I wanted to name our son Harry because of a muggle TV show I used to watch with Petunia when I was seven on Saturday mornings and that when I fight my favorite charm is Expelliarmus. You were at my side when I killed my first (and last) Death Eater and that I cried for a week afterward. You comforted me for five hours when Marlene and her entire family were massacred in their own home, the same one where I had spent a good chunk of my summers to avoid Petunia. You know that I only ever paint my toenails blue and that my favorite flavour of ice cream is mint chocolate chip. You know all about my relationship with my sister and how she used to be my best friend and that we used to dance in bathing suits around the sprinkler and fake being witches to make potions out of mud and flowers and how she never forgave when this dream became true for me but not for her. You know all about my failed relationships, with Tuney, Sev and my ex-boyfriend who left me because he didn’t want to be associated with a muggleborn. You know I’m absolute shite at drawing and that I can’t dance to save my life and you laugh at me when I’m drunk and try to follow Peter’s choreography to some dumb song I don’t know. Last year, you helped paint flowers all over my bookcase because I wanted it to be unique and just mine.

When Harry was born, you refused to sleep for two days because he was so cute when he slept against your chest, but you finally fell asleep while cutting onions for dinner and I had to intervene.

One of my favourite things about you is that I have never seen anyone so full of life. You smile like nothing has ever gone wrong in your entire life and you are more loyal than any Hufflepuff I’ve ever seen, you would die for any of us in a heartbeat and we would do the same for you anytime. My love for you is so big I wonder how it even fits in our little house in Godric’s Hollow. You painted our walls burnt orange because you said it reminded you of my hair and I wonder if it is weird to fall in love with you even more over some colour choices. You complete me because as much as you are a complete idiot, you still recommend the best books and are smart enough to plan the best pranks, but too smug to make anyone else take the blame. You had always been my favourite person in the whole universe until Harry arrived, but he is so much like you that it is like meeting you at a much earlier age. He has the same laugh as you, you know?

I cannot believe how brave you are, because traditional courage requires you to go into battle and protect everyone you love like a lioness does her cubs, but you have found the energy to keep going even trapped in this house with an infant without being able to help your friends outside. You go everyday against your most basic instincts and you manage to have so much fun with us, but I see the tired bags under your eyes and the fact that you lose your train of thoughts sometimes and I know that you’re thinking about the war and the security of the boys, I know they are your family and it would kill you if one of them ever fell into battle, yet you never complain, yet you never lose hope. I love you so much my feeble heart can’t contain it all. My love for you is as inevitable as the blue of the sky, as the oxygen in our lungs, as the passage of time, I love you so much that when I see you it is like coming home, your wild hair and round glasses and mischievous eyes and soft voice and much too long limbs and wide chest and calloused hands and smile like an answer to all my problems.

No one has ever made me feel as secure as you and now I know I have to be strong for you, because you are the one that’s fallen, like a marionnette whose strings were cut. The coffee stain on the right arm of your shirt is the last thing I will see of you, or maybe it is a bit of your wild inky hair. I will never be able to look at the night sky the same.

I can hear him in the stairs, and all I can think about is you and Harry this morning, my two favourite people in the world, sat on the carpet and puffs of colour coming out of your wand, your laugh coming out of his mouth, one single tooth poking out, little chubby legs shaking from laughter, the wand you stupidly left on the carpet (the wand you didn’t care wasn’t in your hands because you didn’t care if you died, you just wanted us to live). Your last gift to me was the most precious of all: you gave me the time to say goodbye to Harry.

‘Mama loves you. Dada loves you, Harry.’ That is the only thing I find to say, because it is true and my heart is breaking, I can hear it thundering, collapsing like a dying star, you are dead, I will die, Harry has to live. I cannot withstand the thought.

I have never loved anyone better than the two of you. Apparently I never will, but at least I have known real love, the one that comes from daily life, that never dies because it is kept alive by stupid little things that make us who we are. Crazy how we only remember the little things and the big ones just go right over our heads.

I will remember the smallest things about you, like the little scar in your left eyebrow, the weird placement of your thumb on your wand, the feel of your skin against mine and the way it tanned in the summer while mine just became redder and redder, the sound of your laugh when Sirius said something funny and the way you always pushed your glasses up your nose with your middle finger, the way you sit in any chair like it’s a throne, the way you answered questions in class without raising your hand, the way you held a book open when you were reading it, your last day where you wanted to make pasta and I wanted steak, the way you would mess with your hair not because you thought it would make you look like you just stepped off your broom, but because you were nervous or restless. On your good days it would stand flatter on your head and I had to pass my hand through it because otherwise it just didn’t feel like you. You laughed too much when Sirius decided to read Crime and Punishment to Harry as a bedtime story and your son wouldn’t go to sleep. You would tell him stories of your childhood disguised as muggle magical adventures and I became a knight, Sirius a prince and Snape a dragon. You would call my cat Fiona the ginger cat, as if Fiona wasn’t enough and she needed an extra title. I guess she was royalty after all. You always tried to make me believe that she loved you more than me, even though I’d had her since I was eleven and you once made her fly across the common room just to annoy me.

Do you remember this morning? The last time you ever kissed me? You made me eggs and tea for breakfast and sang some Beatle song for me in the most off-key voice. You stole the bacon from my plate, laughing from across the dinner table. I was so happy because you were in a good mood today, you didn’t seem to feel so trapped and it was Halloween and you were trying to convince me to dress Harry up as a muggle magician, which I thought was the worst joke you’d ever made. You kissed me on the mouth and we settled on a pumpkin costume. Your lips tasted of stolen bacon and orange juice (you’ve never been much of a morning tea person).

I have never loved anyone better, and apparently I never will.

The house is so silent now that you are gone. All I can hear are my own ragged breaths. Harry seems to think this is some kind of game. He is all that we have left now. All that will ever be left of us. To love is to create, right? We have created the most beautiful person in the world, it should be the only thing that counts.

I love you. I could try to make this poetic, the love thing, but I think the most poetic way it can be is on its own. I don’t know any words more powerful than I love you. I love you and you are dead. I love you and I will die soon. I love our son and he will live. Life is as simple as that. I love you and soon we’ll be together again. Miss you already.

#jilytober 2020 #lily evans #james potter #jily fic #canon ending #sad #evey writes #james x lily fanfiction #hp fanfiction #hp #jily

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lindalevanimamm · 4 years

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Reality- Chapter one

Description: What if you hit rock bottom and someone you thought wasn’t real comes to save you? In this story Y/N has hit rock bottom, but 707 breaks time and reality barriers to come and save them.

My mental health was getting worse and I know it. My habit of pushing away all of my feelings was starting to hurt me, it always does. I’m anxious all the time. I struggle to have simple conversations with people, so I just don’t. They don’t like me anyway. I’ve pretty much never had friends, so there must be something wrong with me. I isolate myself. I know it’s not healthy, but I do it anyway. I’m afraid I’ll get hurt again. I’ll finally have a friend and they’ll leave. School feels like too much now. Everything feels like too much. I keep getting panic attacks, headaches, and just full blown breakdowns. I keep it to myself though because I don’t want to be a burden. No one would care anyway. I have breakdowns over lots of things. I’m stressed about school things, like everyone else. I’m so anxious about things I have to do that involve even a little bit of socialization. It scares me. I’ll say something wrong, they’re all looking at me, they’ll think I’m boring, they won't like me just like everyone else. On top of that, I’m questioning my sexuality. I don’t know what made me start thinking about it, but I know I’m not straight and it scares me. I already have no friends, I don’t need another reason for people to not like me. It’s been weighing on my shoulders though. I’ve been feeling worthless. What am I even doing with my life? I’m so tired of everything. I want to stop feeling. I feel so much emotion, but also feel nothing at the same time. Does that make sense? I want it to stop. I was ignoring any text I was getting, which were few. I don’t have friends that would check in on me. They don’t know the thoughts in my head. If people did know the thoughts in my head, would they treat me differently? Probably.

The thoughts in my head were once again starting to be too much. I got into my bed and curled into a ball. I knew the tears were going to fall soon. But they never came. As painful as it all felt, they wouldn’t come. So I laid there and stared at my wall. Maybe eventually they’ll join me. More thoughts came, ones that I’m not proud of. The tears started to come. And then they kept coming, until I couldn’t stop. I was shaking and pulling the covers even closer to me so I could feel even a sliver of comfort. It hurt. I hurt.

After I calmed down a bit, I peeked at my phone for the first time that day. I noticed a few missed chatrooms on a game I was playing. I read the messages. “I plan to fly to the other side of the universe just for you right now. I might hit a meteor or my spaceship might run out of fuel. I’m taking all those risks to go see you. I hope you come out. I want to see you. ~707 <3”. I began to break down more. It’s just a stupid game, I know, but I still feel something whenever 707 is in the chatroom. This message broke me. He makes me happy, even when I played his route and he was mean, I was still happy. At least I could be there for him, like I want someone there for me. I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t have feelings, I mean really. He doesn’t even exist. But it hurts to know he doesn’t exist. If only he was real. If he were, would he really care about me? If for some reason he did, I think I’d be the happiest person alive. Just thinking about how maybe, just maybe, someone would go so far as to cross the universe for me makes me smile. All I want in life is someone like 707, or rather Saeyoung. I want someone who cares about me as much as I do them. I want someone who can make me smile and laugh. Knowing that Saeyoung, a character in a game, does that even though he’s not real makes me incredibly sad. Why can’t he exist? Why can’t he come save me and help me, like I did him? All I want is to give, or get, a hug from him. But that won’t ever happen because he’s not real. It sucks really, to be so in love with someone that doesn’t even exist.

I woke up to the sun going down. I guess I had cried myself to sleep after reading the chats. I decided to go for a walk. I needed to breathe some fresh air. I didn’t care how I looked. I threw my hair up in some sort of bun-looking style, threw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and made my way out of my apartment. My face scrunched up as I walked outside and the cold wind hit my face. I shoved my hands in my pockets and ventured out. I thought that some ice cream sounded really good, so I started in the direction of the nearest place that sold ice cream. I watched as people passed me on the street. Most walked with friends. Laughing and smiling as they headed to wherever. It hurt to watch. I was reminded that I’ve never had that. I’ve never ‘gone out with friends’. I watched the couples pass. Walking close for warmth, holding hands, smiling as they passed. If only. If only he was real. I tried to block out my thoughts as I put my earbuds in and turned my music on and up. I only wanted to hear the music. I stopped and looked to the sky. I closed my eyes and just breathed for a moment to calm myself, before continuing my walk. My eyes wandered to the ground as I walked, tired of seeing the people around me. They all seemed too normal and happy to me. I slowly made it to the shop. It was filled with people. I immediately became overwhelmed. What if someone I recognize is here? I look really bad. I’m sure my face is still red from the crying, my eyes swollen, the bags under my eyes from sleepless nights, not to mention my ‘super stylish’ outfit and hair. I quickly got in line and ordered as fast as I could. Thanking the woman for the ice cream, I hurried out of the shop. I made my way to a nearby park and sat on the bench. I had put my earbuds back in, so I listened as I ate my ice cream. It made me feel slightly better. Once finished, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I tried to block out the thoughts that were making their way in. This all really sucks. I began to get lost in more thoughts, the music no longer helping. I hadn’t noticed that someone had sat next to me. I didn’t notice the hand covering mine on my thigh. I was too focused on not breaking down again right there. Someone make it all stop. “you….okay….(Y/N)?...breathe….me….three,” I could hear a voice say. They sounded distant. Eventually they started to sound like they were coming closer. “In and out.” I soon realized that someone was next to me, in a park, it was dark, and I did not recognize the voice. I moved my head back down and opened my eyes. I was met with a face I recognized, but it wasn’t possible. I blinked a few times in shock and the face next to me. How? What? I watched as the beautiful smile I had come to love appeared. “Hey,” he said. “I’ve been trying to find a way to meet you. I told you I was going to cross the universe to see you.” My mouth was slightly open, still trying to process what was happening. He’s not real, he’s in a game...how is this possible. “S-Saeyoung?” I struggled to get out. He laughed. God that laugh. I could listen to it on repeat. “How...how are you here?” I asked. “I told you I would find a way to see you,” he replied.

“But, you’re...you’re not real.”

“I’ve always been real (Y/N), just in a different dimension.”

“But- but how?”

“That’s a story for a different time.” He poked my nose with his finger after saying that, and then laughed. “I didn’t think my (Y/N) was going to have this reaction!”

“You...came- no did… all of this just to see me?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I have. You saved me (Y/N). It hurt me to watch you through that app as you broke down. I wanted to just reach out and hug you. And now I can.”

I turned my head down. “But why me? I’m nobody. It’s a popular game. There are so many other girls that you deserve. You deserve more than just little ole me.”

“No. You saved me. You’re the one I fell in love with. I broke down so many walls to get here, to see you. Only you.” He hesitated, but gently grabbed my chin and moved my head up so I was facing him. I had already begun to cry. How is this real? How is he here? Can he stay? Why me? I watched his face fall into worry. “Oh no, don’t cry now (Y/N). Was I wrong? Should I go back?” he quickly asked. He now used both hands to hold my face, his thumbs gently wiping my tears. I tried to smile. “No. I don’t want you to go. Please stay. I don’t know how this is happening right now, but I’m so happy. I didn’t know I could feel this happy.” I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed. He returned the hug and rubbed his hands in circles on my back. I held onto him like my life depended on it, like he was going to leave me to. “It’s okay. I’m here now (Y/N), and I’m not planning on going anywhere,” he whispered. I could hear a quiver in his voice. I felt his head land on my shoulder before I felt the tears falling onto it. After a few moments of just sitting there, on a park bench, crying together, I pulled away from the hug and smiled. “Why me?” I quietly asked.

“It’s always been you (Y/N). You were there for my darkest times. You helped me get back up. You go along with my weird jokes. You made me feel real. You gave me hope. I wanted to find a way out of that universe to get to you. I wanted to help you and comfort you, like you did for me. All those times you got on the messenger after a breakdown, I would try to cheer you up because I couldn’t be there in person. I wanted out of the game to be there for you. And I finally did. I finally found you. My 606, my one and only astronaut, my best friend, my earthling. You’re my everything and I finally found you.” I smiled. “You’re crazy you know? But I’m happy. I didn’t think this would ever be possible. I think my life just changed for the better.” He smiled and took my hand, “we should probably get you back to your apartment.”

“What about you? How long have you been here? You can stay with me if you need,” I asked, immediately feeling a bit bad that he had come. He put a hand on his neck, “yeah, I, uh, haven’t actually got a place or anything. I’ve just been looking for you.” I smiled. “Okay. Let's go then.”

#707 #707 x reader #mystic messenger #saeyoung choi x reader #saeyoung choi #fanfic

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shanethvarosa · 4 years

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Music Review: 2020

My blog has been a lot of things over the years, but it did originate as something I used to publicly review music; especially in the Visual Kei scene. Since I began the blog so many years ago, I had actually been hired to review Visual Kei and J-Rock music for an actual website: VKH-Press.com, work I am very, very proud of to this day. However, with not much news to comment on or work to critique, I haven’t been as active. Plus, personal issues always seem to stand in my way. However, I always take the time to discuss my passions at the end of the year. There were so many incredible releases, despite the COVID-19 pandemic, and so I wanted to take the time time to discuss my favorite releases and, maybe, the not-so-favorites as well. Quick shout out to Bastille’s Goosebumps EP and Megan Thee Stallion’s Good News LP as I did not get to listen to them before I wrote up my lists, but were still excellent releases. See my thoughts below!

Overall, there were about 75 albums or groupings of albums I listened to this year and split them between various tiers. Starting with the bad tier, there were actually only ten albums listed here and mostly just because they were seemingly unnecessary collection albums. For example, another Satsuki collection? Rides in ReVellion releasing two greatest hits LPs after only five years of work? Beyonce releasing The Lion King: The Gift again? None of those felt like necessary releases. There weren’t many albums that really screamed bad to me this year, but I really could not stand Vanessa Carlton’s “Love is an Art” or Justin Bieber’s “Changes.” The only other albums on this tier were just underwhelming compared to what I know the artist is capable of, but the “best bad tier album,” in my view, was The 1975′s “Notes on a Conditional Form.”

The mid-tier albums had all sorts of reasons for being only mid-tier. They weren’t quite bad or outright unnecessary, but are mostly by artists who put out work that was nowhere near the caliber of their usual work or were re-releases or other collection albums. For example, Tove Lo’s “Sunshine Kitty: Pawprint Edition” or Man With A Mission’s remixes/b-sides/covers albums. Nice to have with good quality music, but I wish we’d just have had brand new EPs or LPs.

The good-tier albums were all really excellent releases, but didn’t hit home the way anything on the “God-Tier” list did. Here, I’d like to share a quick top ten:

10. Taeyeon’s “Purpose: Repackage” & Japanese EP, “#GirlsSpkOut” 9. Charli XCX’s “How I’m Feeling Now” 8. Miyavi’s “Holy Nights” & “Holy Nights: 2020 Lockdown” 7. TK’s “Sainou” 6. PVRIS’s “Use Me” 5. Buck-Tick’s “Abracadabra” 4. Katy Perry’s “Smile” 3. Alicia Keys’ “Alicia” 2. Dua Lipa’s “Future Nostalgia” & “Club Future Nostalgia” 1. Ava Max’s “Heaven & Hell

Without furhter ado, though, the God Tier Top 25:

25. Acme’s We Are Visual Kei: Essentially a collection album of several songs that were b-sides that never made a full-blown album. This LP was loaded with some of Acme’s best work and shows that they are going to be here for a long time, despite Div not quite working out. Recommended tracks: Mononoke Requiem, Gekiyama Celluloid, Houkago no Shiiku

24. Alanis Morisette’s Such Pretty Forks in the Road: Admittedly, a huge fan in the 90′s and loved her cover of Seal’s Crazy. However, before this album I didn’t really listen to much of her body of work and I can see why today’s youth might not listen to this album. It is very “adult” insofar as it deals with her struggles in marriage, parenting, religion, etc. Her vocal performance is exceptional and her song writing remains some of the best in the business. Recommended tracks: Smiling, Nemesis, Reasons I Drink.

23. Niall Horan’s Heartbreak Weather: Not my usual cup of tea, but for some reason Niall’s music makes me feel softer than normal. He’s very cute and charming and his words are always so romantic. It feels more genuine than the music made by other members of One Direction and kind-of reminds me of earlier Taylor Swift writing, but from a male perspective. Recommended Tracks: Put A Little Love On Me, Arms of a Stranger, Still.

22. K/DA’s All Out: I don’t even really understand what this is, but I love it. There’s something to do with League of Legends? Cartoons? International pop stars? Whatever it is, I’m totally obsessed. These songs just completely slap. Recommended Tracks: The Baddest, More, Drum Go Dum.

21. Darrell’s Brilliant Death: This might even “officially” be a single, but there’s enough content to market it as an album. Darrell is a band formed from the ashes of Deathgaze and Ai’s solo project. Who knows why Ai didn’t just continue after his solo album, Confusion, but he decided to go back to the band-format with confusingly-named Darrell. This album is then, incidentally, mostly Deathgaze covers. It brings the production into the new era and gives you a lot of nostalgic love for old hits. Recommended Tracks: Brilliant Death, Evoke the World, Abyss.

20. Alice Nine’s Fuyajou Eden & Kuro to Wonderland: Neither album was particularly long, in fact these were glorified EPs that could’ve been merged to one two-sided LP, but in either case... Both albums had something really special to offer and felt like a true comeback after years of name changes and finally going back to their original, kanji-styled name. Recommended Tracks: Kakumei Kaika -Revolutionary Blooming-, Testament, Replica, Glow.

19. Mucc’s Aku: This album felt very long in the making after a series of weird singles that didn’t feel like they were going anywhere. Ultimately, a lot of those singles did not make the album including my favorite one: Taboo. The resulting album, though, did feel very cohesive and thematic and even featured one of this year’s heavy hitters: Hazuki. Recommended Tracks: Aku -Justice-, Memai, Ameria.

18. Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts: This person is absolutely one of my favorite people in music. I’m pretty sure they have comeout as genderfluid/non-binary, so I want to stick with safe pronouns, just in case. However, they’ve always been a favorite and as they’ve come out as such a champion for the LGBT, I love them even more. The album though gave me a lot of hype for something very 80′s rock, but didn’t quite give me what I expected. All in all, the music was fantastic, just a little off-beat from expectations. Recommended Tracks: Gimme What I Want, Angels Like You, WTF Do I Know.

17. Rina Sawayama’s Sawayama: I didn’t expect to fall in love with this girl the way I did. My boyfriend recommended “STFU” to me as kind of a joke because the song discusses a lot of Asian racism that I’m always criticizing people in my life for falling into, but then the song was so bad ass I checked out the album. There were so many different types of music on it and she really did a good job with all of them. Then, with the deluxe edition coming out and the hardcore club banger “Lucid” being involved... Just really brought it all home. Recommended Tracks: Tokyo Love Hotel, Lucid, Fuck This World.

16. Amber Liu’s X: This was just an EP, but every song on it was great. Amber Liu was from f(x), a K-Pop Icon Group, but she always seemed like the odd one out. She was such a tomboy, so silly and funny all the time, and didn’t really behave like other Korean idols. I mean, really, she isn’t actually even Korean. I believe she’s Chinese American. In either case, the EP really noted some of her own personal strugles in the business and also remaining pretty fun at parts too. I saw her live in Philly before COVID-19 and she was truly excellent. Recommended Tracks: Numb, Stay Calm, Other People.

15. Blackpink’s The Album: Not much of an album at only 8 tracks, but that’s K-Pop for you. I bet next year I’ll be putting “Blackpink’s The Album: Repackage” on my top 25 list. The quality of the music was pretty dope though, all things considered. It was a very solid debut effort with all of their previous songs being somewhere in the same lane as this one. I still kind of believe they are a reminder of what 2NE1 could have been, but they’re doing well enough on their own. Recommended Tracks: Ice Cream, Lovesick Girls, Pretty Savage.

14. Hazuki’s Year Over All: Kind of a weird way to word it, but Hazuki basically released two albums this year in different formats. His work with his band, Lynch., was pretty magnificent. I’m not one to usually dwell on a Lynch. album. Their singles or featured tracks are what I usually get into, but the actual album (Ultima) really did a good job of showing how versatile Hazuki can be. His solo album, Souen -Funeral-, was an entirely stripped down, gothic orchestral album of Lynch. covers and other J-Hard Rock artists. Hearing it done like this was almost transcendental. Recommended Tracks: Xero, Idol, Ray, D.A.R.K.

13. Sam Smith’s Love Goes: They had me scared that their album wasn’t coming this year once they pushed it back, back in May. Then again, at the time, an album called “To Die For” was probably super tone deaf. In any case, literally every single released for this album had me in love. So, when they all got included in the final version, I was thrilled. Sam gave us a bonus song after the album as well, but I can see why that one didn’t get on. In any case, this is a huge step up from “The Thrill of it All,” which I didn’t really care for. Recommended Tracks: Another One, Dance (’Til You Love Someone Else), Forgive Myself.

12. Troye Sivan’s In A Dream: I love this kid. He’s so gay and so not shy about it and it really makes me smile. The EP comes after his last LP, Bloom, where the title track basically talks about bottoming for the first time and this new EP deals with a few other queer issues over weirdly produced beats that just... make sense. Recommended tracks: Stud, In A Dream, Easy.

11. Matenrou Opera’s Chronos: Unfortunately, this band just lost their guitarist again. Their original, Anzi, was basically the most consummate guitarist in the visual kei scene that wasn’t Hizaki and he left them. Their sound wasn’t quite right since and they seemed to just get it back with Chronos when Jay left them. I guess we’ll see what they do next, but I think Chronos could be their last great release. Recommended Tracks: Chronos, Silence, Reminiscence.

10. BoA’s Better: A very recent release that hasn’t had much time for me to digest. This is strange for me to put it so high on my list for that reason, but BoA is one of my all time favorites. She never disappoints me. This album was no different. It wasn’t exactly up to par with “Woman” or “Watashi Kono Mama de Ii no Kana,” but it definitely gave us some new and very iconic Queen BoA bangers. Recommended Tracks: Cut Me Off, Start Over, Temptations.

9. Kesha’s High Road: A semi-step down from Rainbow, only because a lot of the same melodic elements and, sometimes, even beats were used on this album too. However, her vocal performance was outstanding and she even gave us a new dirty-pop song with some interesting indie-pop tracks to go with it. Plus, who doesn’t love a Big Freedia feature? Recommended Tracks: Resentment, Raising Hell, Tonight.

8. Lady Gaga’s Chromatica: Anyone who knows me knows I don’t really love Gaga anymore. After all the drama with Madonna and her experimentation with “Joanne” I didn’t think I’d ever like her music again. However, she definitely won back big points for me on Chromatica. It was finally fun, weird, dancey, and then simultaneously emotional and I was really able to get back into it. She’s always had the voice, but on this one it also showed us that she still has what made us love her. Recommended Tracks: Rain On Me, Plastic Doll, Enigma.

7. Koda Kumi’s My Name Is... Angel + Monster: She is, very likely, my Japanese Pop Queen. She always makes these absolutely outlandish bangers of dance tracks that have such a great attitude and beat and when she released re(CORD)... last year? 2018? Who can remember... I thought she could never outdo herself. Then she released “Lucky Star” and I was floored. I was a bit disappointed when they were only to promote a “My Name Is...” collection album, but then, to my surprise, a full set of new tracks came out just after that just blew me entirely away. Guess the last 6 albums must be pretty great, huh? Recommended tracks: Killer Monster, Work It!, Alarm.

6. Grimes’ Miss Anthropocene: I’ve never been a big fan of Grimes, but when Violence came out I was really looking forward to whatever album this was going to end up promoting. The song is actual fire, but then the LP ended up being some kind of experimental Gothic Pop with Asian Pop influences I never expected. I doubt I’ll ever find something she does this good ever again, but it was really a musical light in the darkness of this year. Recommended tracks: Darkseid, Delete Forever, Violence.

5. Kylie Minogue’s Disco: Admittedly, my draw to Kylie has always been that she is like some kind of Australian Madonna. Madonna being one of my all time favorite artists... In fact, number 2 for all women I listen to, Kylie has some big shoes to fill with her sometimes generic pop that she puts out. However, I haven’t really truly loved a Kylie song since “Get Outta My Way” and then this album comes out filled with tracks to love for the rest of time. Recommended Tracks: Miss A Thing, Till You Love Somebody, Magic.

4. Chanmina’s Notebook/Angel: I don’t have really any way of knowing how popular Chanmina is in Japan or if she is as popular in the Japanese Queer Scene as she should be, but god damn does she know what she’s doing. Her music is raunchy, bitchy, and condescending at it’s highest and deeply personal at it’s most mellow. There is no “lowest.” “Notebook” was a two-sided album and “Angel” a strong follow up EP, but all the recommended tracks are from “Notebook.” If you have not listened to “Picky”.... go do it now, I’ll wait. Recommended tracks: Picky, Baby, Lucy.

3. The Weeknd’s After Hours: Incidentally, I got into The Weeknd after someone said something shitty about him here on Tumblr! I took their likely-valid criticism and went to check him out for myself and I gotta say, I love his work. The beats are literally always on point and his voice is like silk. This album provided more than a few iconic songs and I always can’t wait to see what he does next. Recommended Tracks: Alone Again, Heartless, Blinding Lights.

2. Halsey’s Manic: The singles and features she did between Hopeless Fountain Kingdom and Manic gave me such insanely high hopes and I was not disappointed. HFK was a strong album of course, but this was near perfection for me. I think the production of this alt-pop album was the star of the show because it wasn’t all one way, there were heavy-bass songs, interesting piano riffs, striaght up punk rock, all of it. She really made an album quite like it’s namesake. Recommended Tracks: Ashley, Killing Boys, Still Learning.

1. Dexcore’s Metempsychosis: A newcomer to the visual kei and death metal scene, they’ve been putting out single after single for years in preparation for their extemeley long and multidaceted debut album. With a total of about 33 songs, the entire second disc was rerecorded singles from their early days and some even got new lyrical treatment. The main series of songs were, of course, also totally flooring and all of the recommended tracks are the new ones. If you haven’t checked them out by now, you have to! Recommended tracks: Cibus, Scribble, Period.

#personal #music #2020 #visual kei #k-pop #dexcore #halsey #the weeknd #chanmina #kylie minogue #grimes #koda kumi #lady gaga #kesha #BoA

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khadij-al-kubra · 5 years

Text

Worst Impressions are the First (ch 6)

Main Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil (Human AU)

Pairings: Romantic LAMP

Words: 5518

Author’s Note: *Shuffles in, hijab haphazardly wrapped, wearing a fleece hoodie over rumpled pajamas, carrying a mug that reads “I write, what’s your superpower” and wearing one slipper.* Hey folks. So um. Yeah. I know it’s been, well, a LONG while. Apologies. I have no excuse other than this last semester of grad school and my part time gig kicked my ass, stole most of my free time, and possibly my left shoe. But I haven’t forgotten this fic or all of you incredibly wonderful and patient readers. And trust me when I say that I have made the wait worth it. Plus I’m on break now and already plotting out the next chapter, and I know exactly how I plan to progress with it, right down to the number of chapters left. Can I get a wahoo? *Yawns and takes a long drink of strongly brewed black tea* Once again, thank you SO much for your patience and love, and enjoy the lovelorn chaos from our favorite gays. ^_^ (also, if for some reason the tag link isn’t working for you, please let me know)

AO3

<=PREV

Chapter 6 - (POV Patton)

The fire in your eyes

Like a grave digger’s lantern

Your passion revives…me

“Gosh dang it, one syllable too many,” Patton muttered to himself over the notepad.

He felt a staccato of taps on his arm; a signal for when the world was silenced by Patton’s big headphones and Roman wanted to talk to him. He took them off, giving his soulmate his full attention. That was still so nice to say and put an actual face to. My soulmate.

“Problem, dear heart?” Roman asked from the seat next to him. The new term of endearment made Patton blush, but he loved it.

“Nah, just tweaking a new haiku,” he said. “I want it to be perfect for my muse.”

Now Roman was the one blushing. “Well I’m sure when it’s done it will be as wonderful as everything else that’s made by your hands.”

It had been barely two days since he and Roman discovered they were each other’s soulmates (or at least one of them), but since then they had spent every spare moment getting to know each other. From walking to classes together to spending free periods together, and Patton’s mother had even insisted on inviting Roman over for dinner just last night. When Roman had complimented the pasta Patton helped cook, saying he could taste the love poured into each noodle, his heart felt near to bursting. It was such a short amount of time getting to know each other, yet Patton felt as though he’d known Roman for eons all throughout past lives.

Who knew being with your soulmate could make you feel so alight inside?

“Thank you for sneaking me your Tupperware of leftovers, Patton,” said Roman, covertly twirling his plastic fork into the spaghetti under their table.

“No problem, kiddo,” said Patton.

Technically they weren’t allowed food in the library during study hall except for water. Unless you had a blood sugar problem or something. Still, Patton was willing to break a tiny rule if it was for his soulmate’s well being. And maybe myself, he thought, sneaking bites from the napkin cookies on his lap.What? He’d had an Algebra test that morning. He earned a treat or two.

“Mom’s right, I do need to pack fuller lunches. I don’t know what’s up with my appetite lately. Least I’ve still got my figure.

“Maybe it s a puberty thiiiiiohmygosh it’s him.”

“Him who?”

“Look, but don’t look, over your shoulder.”

Roman sneakily looked over his shoulder and saw what Patton meant. It was Logan Berry, in all his brilliant glory, pulling out a book from the chemistry section. He looked lovely as always in a cream colored blouse, mint green skirt, and cherry blossom patterned neckerchief. The yellow gems of his bumblebee hair clip glittered under the ceiling light as it kept the ebony bangs out of his eyes.

Yet there was something off about Logan today. His face was neutral as always, but Patton noticed there was something slightly somber in his posture.

“Isn’t that supposed to be the school genius or something?” Roman asked.

“Debate club president,” Patton said wistfully.

“I’ve heard about his through tech club. He is really pretty! In a nerdy way.”

“Yeah, he sure is a lovely creature of nature.” Patton said with a sigh.

They must have been whispering louder than he realized, because suddenly Logan’s head was turned, and he was looking curiously at Patton. Oohhh gosh golly. He half hid behind his copy of Wuthering Heights.

“Patton my dear, you sound positively smitten.” Roman said, turning back around. “Not that I blame you really.��

Patton chuckled, unable to stop staring at his crush. “Guilty. Have been for awhile.”

“Say, you don’t suppose Logan could be one of our mysterious shared soulmates, maybe the one from yesterday, do you?”

“Maybe, but I don’t think we have the same lunch time as—Ohhh Lemony Snickett, he’s coming this way!”

“What? Here? Now? Does my hair look good?”

Patton considered himself to be pretty good at reading people on an emotional level, but Logan was usually like a tightly bound journal, difficult to look into. Except this time it was clear he did not look too happy with them. Before he could gage deeper as to why, Logan was at their table. Patton had never been this close to Logan before, never had the chance to make real mutual eye contact.

Logan’s stoic gaze went back and forth between them. His brave little Prince was mumbling Disney lyrics under his breath and clearly trying so hard not to clam up. Guess it’s up to me. Patton grasped for some sort of ice-breaker good enough for Logan. Something friendly, intelligent and totally not off-putting like he normally was.

“Umm…cookie?” Patton asked, holding up his cookie napkin in peacemaker offering.

“I don’t appreciate being stared at and spoken about behind my back.” Logan said sharply, staring pointedly at him.

“So that’s a no on the cookie.” Patton said, shrinking back.

“If you have something to say, you can express your mockeries to my face, because frankly I am in no mood for ignoring judgmental comments today.”

Ouch! Logan had never come across as the friendliest person ever, but Patton was definitely not expecting him to speak so coldly upon their fist meeting. And it hurt. Or it would have more so if Patton couldn’t tell from the look in Logan’s eyes that he was actually upset about something more than just people whispering.

“H-hey, don’t talk to my soulmate like that!” Roman said, voice cracking. He was loud enough to be shushed from another table. Yet for once, Roman didn’t duck his head down in shyness. “I-in fact, you shouldn’t talk to anymore like that, or make such harsh assumptions yourself, Mister Sub-Astute-Teacher.”

Logan turned to Roman. “I beg your pardon?”

“We weren’t gossiping about you, or whatever it is you think we were doing. If anything we were complimenting you. I mean- well yeah-yes! We were. But that was before you came at us so rudely with your negative assumptions. Just because you’re the debate club president or whatever doesn’t give you the right to talk to people like that.”

Wow. Patton had never had someone stand up for him like that before. And he’d never seen Roman be so, well, unabashedly vocal, even when people were watching. I am so proud!

Logan looked taken aback, ashamed even. “I-I apologize.”

“Yeah, you should, Blaise Pastel. And another...thing?” Roman cut himself off suddenly.

Patton was about to ask Roman what was wrong when he felt the tell tale tingle on his arm. He pulled up his sleeve and sure enough, another new soulthought was there, tattooed in navy blue ink: ‘Hm. Brontë. Excellent taste.’

“Patton,” Romans said, tapping him excitedly. “Look!”

On Roman’s arm in the same navy blue read: ‘Interesting sweater choice.’ They beamed at each other. There was no doubt about it.

Then Logan coughed, and when they turned to look at him, he too was holding out his arm on display. Beneath two purple and sky blue soulmarks, the latter of which Patton recognized as his own, were letters in bright red: ‘Nerd—Pretty—Pretty nerd.’

“Well. It would appear that we have much to discuss. May I?” Logan asked, gesturing to an empty chair at their table.

Patton checked wordlessly with Roman if he was okay with it. The drama techie nodded. “Please.”

Logan pulled out the chair across from them and smoothed out his skirt as he sat. “So. It seems that we are all ineffably bonded to one another, judging from the matching color palettes in our soul thoughts. And you both are...”

“We’re together,” said Roman, reaching for Patton’s hand on the table and lacing their fingers. “We found each other just two days ago.”

Something flashes across Logan’s face, but it was gone before Patton could read more into it. “That is...quite fortuitous.”

“And we’d love for you to be apart of this too.” Patton said. “That is, if you’d be comfortable with that. We wouldn’t dare bind your heart to ours, regardless of being soulmates, if it wasn’t something you also wanted.”

“Or if you ended up being a jerk.”

“Roman!”

“Well he—

“It’s quite alright, um, Patton was it?” Logan asked. Patton nodded yes. “Roman is within his right to feel how he does. I did not exactly make the best first impression.”

“You can say that again.” Roman muttered.

“Now Roman, you and I didn’t exactly get off on the right foot either. In fact it left a lot to be desired.” Pattona said.

“But he—

“Deserves just as much a chance as we did. He is our soulmate after all. Alright?”

“Yes, dear.”

A low chuckle from Logan caught them both off guard. The beautiful brainy boy was covering his mouth demurely. The sight of Logan, who’d always been so sharp and alabaster cold, so softened by just his laughter alone was breathtaking. It set moths fluttering about in Patton’s tummy.

“What’s so funny?” Roman asked, brows furrowed.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his Warby Parkers. Hey, we have the same glasses!

“Apologizes, I am not laughing at you,” Logan said. “It is merely that, well, for a moment there your bickering reminded me of my mothers. Which is quite remarkable given how, as you’ve said, you two have only known each other for two days.”

“Aw gee, it’s sweet of you to say that we remind you of your moms, Logan.” Patton said.

To think he and Roman already sounded like an old married couple. Sure it was all fast and new to him still, but he couldn’t help delighting at it. Would he get to share this same sort of bond with Logan? With his fourth unknown soulmate? He sure hoped so.

Still, he was so different from Roman. Even though Patton had been crushing on Logan fort ages, he seemed to have a much thicker wall. Could Patton ever be good enough to be invited in?

“So I take it from your reaction that you are not among the school’s percentage of ignoramuses that take offense to LGBT folk, such as myself and my mothers?” Logan asked.

“Pshh, puh-lease! I’m about as straight as this spaghetti,” said Roman, holding up a limp noodle hanging off his fork.

“You do know food is prohibited in the library.”

“And my brother Remus is a regular Ace of spades.” Roman continued, ignoring Logan. “Not that you’d ever guess it, with all the crude jokes he makes on his podcast.”

“Brother?” Patton and Logan asked.

“Trust me, the less you know about that internet troll the better.”

“As for me, said Patton, “well, just fry an egg on my head and call me pan.”

Roman nearly choked on his bite of food, cough laughing. Patton offered his bottle of water to him. Logan tilted his head to the side.

“Fry an—what? That isn’t—pan?” If there was a lightbulb over Logan’s head, it would have just clicked. “Oh good lord, was a that a pun comparing pansexuality to cookware?”

“Heh, guilty,” said Patton. “I’ve got ‘em by the dozens.”

Roman seemed to like Patton’s jokes, but Logan not so much. Patton had been trying real hard to make his jokes less dry and dark. Did Logan just not like puns, or did he not like him? Patton so wanted Logan to like him.

“Tawdry wordplay aside, I’m please to find that at least some of my soulmates are not ashamed to be themselves, unlike...”

Patton turns to Logan concerned, but he merely opened his book to a random page and pretended to read it. He was clearly holding something back, but Patton didn’t want to push him into talking. He already felt like on thin ice.

“Unlike who?” Roman asked. “Does it have to do with your soulmate?”

“You’ll have to be more specific,” said Logan, not looking up.

Roman rolled his eyes. “The one with the purple writing. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. Patton and I both have thought tattoos in the same color, and if you know who are third soulmate is, then don’t you think we have a right to know who they are as well?”

Logan closed the book. He looked at them for a moment, then sighed. “That is more than fair. Alright. It’s...”

He leaned in close to them, and in a low voice whispered a name that Patton was surprised to hear.

“VIRGIL!?” Roman shouted. Logan palmed his forehead.

A neighboring table shushed them and at least two students milling about the stacks gave them odd looks. Patton tugged his hat down and Roman slunk down bashfully. Baby steps, Roman. Baby steps. They probably would’ve gotten more than odd looks if not for Logan giving the more nosy students a steely glare.

“Would you kindly think before you open your infinitesimally loud mouth next time?” Logan asked.

He knows that word actually means really small, right? Patton thought.

“Well excuse me for being shocked that the Stormcloud of South Bay High is our mysterious soulmate.” Roman said, using his backstage voice. “I mean, look at us and look at him.”

“I have,” Logan said.

“And you’re still in one piece? After being alone with an unnerving ruffian like him?”

“FALSEHOOD!”

The sudden outburst startled Patton nearly out of his skin, and Roman actually fell out of his seat, spaghetti almost flying. The school librarian shushed Logan pointedly, and he apologized to her profusely, being luck enough to to get off with just a warning as her model library goer.

“He is not like that.” Logan said. “Yes, he is among the athletic clique but he is by no means a brute. He is intelligent and sweet and...gentle.”

“It’s true Roman,” said Patton. “I haven’t talked to him much myself, but I sit behind him in English Lit., and he’s never been mean to anyone in class.”

Patton pictured the anxious kiddo in his mind. How fidgety he got, the way his back tensed when being called on even if he knew the answer, and especially the lost lonely look in his eyes.

“Actually, when he’s not huddled in with his buddies, Virgil’s even more awkward than you can be.”

“Augh!” Roman gasped offendedly. “Patton, you wound my pride. Wait, was that a compliment or?”

“Does that mean you’ve talked with Virgil then?” Patton asked Logan.

“Indeed. We officially met—coincidentally—on Wednesday, realized we are soulmates, and spent Study Hall yesterday getting to know one another. It was quite...enjoyable.”

Then something happened that Patton would’ve gone so far as to call a little miracle: he saw Logan smiling. It was small but softened his angular face oh so nicely. Seeing Logan’s smile was like watching a sunrise. If Patton hadn’t been in puppy love with Logan before he definitely was now.

Then the overcast came, and stone faced Logan was back. “That is until some of his neanderthal brethren in lettermen’s happened upon us, and Virgil revealed the coward he truly is; ashamed of himself and ashamed of me.”

The three of them went quiet, their snacks and studies long forgotten. The library clock ticked away, turning pages crinkled like autumn leaves, and somewhere somebody was not so sneakily smoking a joint. Of course his brave little Prince would be the first to break the silence.

“Sooo I take it that Virgil is deeper in the closet than Narnia,” said Roman.

“Precisely. And I refuse to belittle my self-worth by wasting my time on anyone who does not have the courage to be themselves, let alone be associated with me simply because I am not of the same socially constructed high school status. I told him as much before leaving with my dignity intact.”

Patton tried to process this new information. It hurt his heart to hear the bitterness in Logan’s words, especially when he was so obviously trying to hide how hurt he really was. Yet even so...

“I understand where you’re coming from Logan, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But,” Patton bit his bottom lip, “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on Virgil?”

Logan raise a sharp eyebrow at him. “In what way am I being harsh?”

“Because, well, it’s not really your place to say when or how ‘out’ somebody should be. Even if he is your—our—soulmate.” Patton sat up straighter, blowing the curly bangs out of his eyes. “I mean, you probably came to this school already out of the closet, right? You’re used to to knowing how to handle yourself and others when they might talk bad about you. So it’s probably easier to feel like you’ve got the Pride high ground.”

“I...suppose I hadn’t considered it in that light.” said Logan. “Astute.”

“Yeah, top notch analysis there, Patton-cake,” said Roman.

“And yeah, we’ve got a modest little LGBT club and a small portion of the school has not so nice views of queer people,” Patton continued. “Which makes sense, I mean, this isn’t exactly New York. But you’ve gotta understand that Virgil is smack dab in the middle of that crowd. He probably feels like it might not be as safe for him to be out as it would be for someone like you; the debate club champ and smartest kid in school who’s also in good standing with the teachers. ...Or someone like me; the creepy emo kid that everyone treats like a ghost or is too scared of to bother with anyways.”

Lonely as it was, being invisible did have its advantages. Patton felt Roman wrap a deceptively strong arm around him, nothing but tenderness in his eyes. Well, not so invisible anymore. Patton smiled and leaned his head on Roman’s broad shoulder.

“Honestly, I see Patton’s point. Sure, I get teased by those guys all the time for being perceived as gay—not that they’re wrong—but people have picked on me for plenty of other reasons over the years.”

Roman paused for moment, using one hand to wipe his large glasses on his swirly patterned sweater vest.

“Look at me. I’m a scrawny, shy, Disney obsessed theater nerd, and not even one of the leading actor elites. I knew going in that I was bound for the bottom of the social food chain no matter what I did, so I figured, why not at least allow myself to be my full rainbow self, albeit quietly? Sure, I haven’t officially come out yet, but it’s not like I’d have much more to lose when I do. But Virgil? He has everything to lose.”

Logan sat back in his chair, mulling over their imput. Pattons was worried that he might have offended Logan somehow. He wasn’t storming away from their table, so that was a good sign. Maybe Patton should apologize anyways.

BRIIIING

Study hall was officially at an end. Students packed up their bags, and returned or checked out books. Meanwhile the librarian ushered any stragglers out so she could prepare the space for any Friday electives that would be taking place there.

“I have to get to class,” said Logan, gathering his things. “It was good meeting you both. You’ve given me much to think about. Perhaps we might converse again sometime?”

“No problem Specs. Where are you off to next?” Roman asked, closing up the Tupperware and hanging it back to Patton.

“Um, U.S. History,” said Logan, adjusting his glasses.

“With Mr. Terrence? Me too.” Roman grabbed his classic Mickey backpack. “Maybe we can, um, walk over there together? I mean, since we’re headed the same direction.”

“I have no objections with that.”

“Onward then. Farewell, Patton dear.”

“Bye Roman. Uh, Logan, I—“

Before Patton could say anything more, his two soulmates were on their way out. With a sigh he grabbed his writing journal, book, and backpack before heading out himself in the opposite direction for his last two classes of the day. He had English Lit with Miss Valerie next. And Virgil, he thought, pulling his headphones over his ears. It was high time he and Virgil spoke for real.

* * * * *

Patton watched the clock on the wall tick tock away the last few minutes of class He gripped his stretched sleeve end into a black and grey paw with one hand, and doodled furiously in his notebook margins with the other. Did I overstep my boundaries? Patton wondered for the hundredth time since the middle of class. In front of him, Virgil nervously bounced his knee and kept chewing on his cuticles, sending a twinge of guilt through Patton’s chest.

Halfway through class while Miss Valerie was writing out notes on the board, he had carefully tossed a folded note onto Virgil’s desk. Luckily he’d always been more of a thrower than a catcher. The anxious athlete saw the slip of paper, unfolded its contents, and went rigid. He’d cast a quick wide eyed glance over his shoulder at Patton before turning back to the front. Virgil hadn’t looked at him again since.

BRIIIING

“Alright class, that’s it for today. Don’t forget, your essays about the symbolic significance of the Moores in Brontë‘s novel are due next week,” said Miss Valerie.

While the rest of the class rushed to leave, he and Virgil lingered behind, packing their backpacks slower till the coast was clear. They stood up at the same time, Patton clutching his journal to his chest, and Virgil hunched awkwardly.

“Hey, is there some place we can’t talk? Privately?” Vigil asked, his voice gravelly.

“Mhm. Just uh, follow me.” Patton said.

They walked out the classroom and through the crowded hallways, Patton in the lead and Virgil following a foot behind. Murmurings of between bells chatter and tinny locker taps filled his ears. Two hallways later, Patton pulled Virgil round a courier and into the Nurses Office.

Flickering fluorescent ceiling lights cast shadows around the off-white walls. The only decorations were an anatomy poster, a poster of a cute bat dressed in a nurse’s cap, and the skeleton onesie clad teddy bear Nurse Talyn kept for students in emotional distress. Patton called him Mr Fluffybones. There were chairs, a sickbed, and a filing cabinet next to the supply closet. The office always smelled of rubbing alcohol, but it was clean, quiet, and most of all private. Talyn was a colleague of Emile’s so they let him stay in here on his bad days for as long as he needed to.

“Patton, it’s ten minutes till classtime.” Nurse Talyn said from their desk, their horn-rimmed glasses sliding down their nose. “Do you have a pass for another breather? Or is there something your friend needs help with?”

“No, nothing like that Talyn,” Patton said, smiling at the word ‘friend.’ “Virgil and I just needed someplace private to talk for a bit.”

“You know I’m not supposed to let students be in here unless they’re feeling unwell.”

“Pleeeese? We’ll head right to class afterwards. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Then, Patton unleashed his most secret of secret weapons, used for emergencies only and rarer than a red moon: the puppy Pat pout. When Talyn saw his pouty bottom lip and big eyes, their mouth went lemon tight. They only resisted for a few seconds before an audible groan told Patton he’d one this round.

“Ugh, fine! You get five minutes while I go restock my bandaid jar.” Talyn took a not even half empty jar with them as they went to the supply closet. “I blame Emile for teaching you that puppy dog pout. It should be illegal.”

“Thanks Nurse Talyn!” Works every time.

Patton turned around to where Virgil stood behind him, hands in the oversized letterman jacket and a crooked smirk on his face. If Patton didn’t know better, he would think Virgil looked almost impressed.

“We can talk privately now, don’t worry.” Patton said.

“Worry’s my middle name but, okay. So uh, about this.”

Virgil took a deep breath and pulled from one pocket a crumpled note. He unfurled is, words facing up: ‘I know you’re my soulmate. We all do. Can we talk?’

Standing in front of him now, seeing the dark bags under his wide eyes, Patton thought that Virgil looked so small and vulnerable. All shelled up in his too big jacked, clutching that paper between his shaking skinny fingers. He just wanted to hold the poor thing close and protect him from every nasty thing in this world. Instead he settled for smiling as warmly as possible, hoping to help Virgil feel more at ease.

“Just tell me first,” Virgil’s hands fidgeted. “By ‘we’ you mean my other soulmates and not, y’know, the whole school? I hope? Not that I think you’d out me or anything; you’re not like that. Not that I’d assume what you’re like, I jus—

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, kiddo.” Patton said, making his voice gentle. “I do mean our soulmates, and of course your secret is still safe with us.”

Upon hearing this though, Virgil’s whole body relaxed. “Heh, you really do say ‘kiddo.’ So how’d you find out?”

“Logan ran into Roman and me in the library earlier. We got to chatting and figured out the four of us are all soulmates.”

Virgil gave a low whistle. “I knew you guys were my soulmates but geez. All four of us? Fate must have a weird sense of humor.”

“Our gossamer spider-silk threads of fate are interwoven into one intricate home for our four hearts to feast upon entangled love.”

Patton mentally winced. Way to get weird and dark again Patton. Wait, he’s...smiling. Oh gosh, I really have a thing for nice smiles, don’t I?

“Wow Pat, that was...really lovely. And just the right amount of creepy. I dig it.”

Lovely? Me? Patton smiled, his freckled cheeks feeling warm all of a sudden. I knew you would be kind.

“I meant what I thought, by the way,” said Virgil. “You really do have gorgeous eyes.”

“And you really need to stop calling yourself an idiot,” said Patton.

Virgil chuckled, then looked down at his purple sneakers. “Did um...did Logan tell you about what happened?”

Patton rubbed his arm. “Yeah, he did.”

“So then you probably hate me, right? Argh, stupid question. Of course you do. Or at least Logan does. He probably thinks I’m just another stupid jerk athlete. Roman too. Not that I blame him after the number of times I’ve just stood by like an idiot and—

“I will physically fight you if you keep talking bad about yourself, Mister!”

The sharp outburst startled Virgil into shutting up. Patton didn’t often use his papa bear voice (as him mom called it) outside of the house or with anyone besides his younger cousin Elliot. But he couldn’t stand hearing Virgil talk that way about himself for another second. There was only room for one self deprecating soulmate in their group, and that was him.

“Logan doesn’t hate you Virgil. None of us do.” Patton said. “He’s upset still, sure, but never hate. And I told him that what he said to you was probably a little too harsh.”

Virgil’s head shot up. “You did?”

“Mhm. Of course his feelings were valid, but that couldn’t have been an easy situation for you either. Being in the closet is a pretty scary time, and the anxiety probably doesn’t help with it either.”

“H-how did you?”

“My godfather’s a therapist. Got pretty good at picking up on the signs from talking with him. Besides, you’re not the only one with a monster living between their ears.”

Patton rolled up his left sleeve, showing the tally marks of all the times he’d managed to come back out of the darkness and stand in the sunlight again. Virgil gave a quiet gasp, but Patton refused to turn away in shame from his soulmate, even if he did look at him with pity. When he met Virgil’s eyes however, they were filled with understanding.

In a bittersweet sort of way, it made Patton feel happy.

“I’m not saying you have to come out for us. Or go public, or do anything you’re not ready for yet. I just want you to know that we’re here for you when you are ready. And,” Patton held out his hand in offering, “you don’t have to go through this alone.”

He expected Virgil to take his handshake, maybe say thanks and offer to talk outside of school sometime. Maybe.

He did not expect Virgil to take his wrist in a gentle calloused grasp, turn his arm upward, bend down, and place a soft kiss on his scars.

It was sudden. It was impulsive. It was an act of pure reverence that set Patton’s pulse point thrumming faster than a hummingbirds heartbeat.

And judging from the look on his face, it shocked the hell out of Virgil just as much. He snatched his hand back as though his touch might burn Patton.

“I’m sorry! That was—I should’ve asked—-out of line. I—NGK!”

“Virgil, wait!”

Too late. Just as someone else was coming in, Virgil was running out the door, nearly knocking the other person over.

“WOah! Where’s the fire babe?” they asked.

Virgil paid him no mind. Didn’t even seem to hear him. Once again, Patton’s soulmate was gone before he could even try to make things right.

“Guess he’s got the runs or something. Ngh-ow. Forget it. Head hurts too much to care right now.”

The student who’d just come in was also wearing a letterman jacket, and their fingers hovered over a mean looking bruise near their temple. It took a second for Patton to recognize from the sunglasses who he was.

“You’re one of Virgil’s friends, Remy, right?” Patton asked.

Remy jumped, not realizing Patton was there. “His best friend, thank you very much. And who wants to knoOOHhhh I see. You’re one of his secret soulmates he won’t tell me about!”

Patton followed Remy’s eye line leading to his still uncovered arm. He quickly pulled his sleeve back down, blushing scarlet hot and hid behind his bangs. Remy chuckled.

“You know I gotta say, not at all what I pictured, but you are a cute little black kitten,” Remy said with a grin.

“Do you know where Virgil might’ve run off to? I want to go after him, but I need to get to class soon. Oh, it was all going so well, but maybe he thought he crossed a line and I’d be upset, but I’m not! He looked just short of a panic attack and I just...is he going to be okay?” Patton could’ve cried he was so worried.

Remy gave him a long unreadable once over, then sighed. “Look, if I know Virgil—and I do—then he’s either gone to the gym to blow off some steam, or holed himself up somewhere private where he can calm down. He doesn’t like people seeing his anxiety get the better of him if he can help it. Say it makes people uncomfortable.”

“Mental health isn’t anything to be embarrassed by, or of.”

Patton must have passed some sort of test, because Remy finally gave him a genuine smile of approval and lifted his sunglasses atop his head.

“Totes babe. Look, right now I gotta see a nurse about this goose egg hatching on my head, but I’ll try to look for him after. Kay? Ow!”

Patton signed. “Thank you Remy.”

“You still here, Patton?” Nurse Talyn called, coming out from the supply closet with an armload of bandaid boxes, a bad of cotton swabs, and a now full jar. “The second bell is about to ring. You need to get—“

They looked around the room, spotted Remy, and dropped their arms. Their face fell flat, along with the rest of the things they’d been carrying. Good thing that jar was plastic.

“Remy Dormier, did you fall asleep and hit your head in the hallway again?” Nurse Talyn asked, looking just about done with everything.

“Nope. Track field. Bottom bleacher,” said Remy, wincing and he touched the spot.

“That is the FOURTH time this week! That’s it.” They pulled out a crushable ice pack from their desk drawer and handed it to Remy. “You, on the bed while I call your parents. We have GOT to get a script from your Doctor for this obvious narcolepsy problem of yours. Patton, get to class. Go on, shoo!”

Not wanting to endure the tiny wrath of Talyn in full nurse mode, Patton left. Not before getting a wink from Remy that did little to lift his spirits. He speed walked to his last class of the day, but home economics was the last thing on his mind. He could still feel the kiss from before like a memory on his skin.

I hope he’ll be okay.

General Tag: @quoth-the-sparrow @altruistic-skittles @em-be-lievable @justisaisfine @broadwaytheanimatedseries @thekeytohappiness-is-you @jynxlovesluck @queer-human-being @phlying-squirrel @ab-artist @grey-lysander @a-valorous-choice @xx-fandom-potato-xx @impatentpending @book-of-charlie @randomslasher @tinkslittlebelle @insanelycoolish @ironwoman359 @icecoldparadise @bluebloodstains @purpleshipper @patchworkofstars @axyzel @hissesssss @beautifully-terribly @pink-and-purple-flowers @thatsanswitch @6tick6tock6 @hanramz-the-fander @azlinne @helplesscreator @thestoryofme13 @bibbidi-bobbity-booyah @accidental-sanders @moonstone-fox @smokeyrutilequartz @madly-handsome @puns-and-patton @notveryglittery @eequalsmcscared @safesandersides @lizziepopanime @anxiously-unsatisfied-world @unikornavenger @fuck-my-life-i-want-food @backatthebein @mephonic @paperghastly @ravenclawangst @iamtrashcans @loganberrysanders @ierindoodles @a-new-witch-in-learning @punsterterry @goldteethandacurseforthistown @dragonsight9 @your-average-pangirl

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#KDsWriting #First Impressions AU #romantic lamp #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #LAMP #Patton Sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #polysanders #Soulmate au #soulmark au #soulmate tattoo #tw scars #no pasta was harmed in the making of this fic

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royallyprincesslilly · 5 years

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Title: Love, Maybe? {28}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Slow, Smoldering, Torturous Burn 😊, Angst

Word Count: 2.2K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive***

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Chapter 28: East Meets West

-Chris-

Two very important women in his life were about to come face to face. He’d thought about this day for weeks and stressed about it and even looked forward to it, but now that it was here he was a nervous wreck. Standing in front of his mirror adjusting the tuck of his shirt in his pants for the fifth time he groaned and dropped his head back and rolled it around. His shoulders and neck hurt, for the first time, he realized how much. He felt as if he had the weight of the world resting on him.

He allowed his eyes to close and rubbed at the tension in his neck. The knot was huge. He took advantage of his alone time and let his mind wander where it pleased. This was the third day of a week planned stay. The day before, he’d played tour guide and showed off his city. He showed you and your family places he loved when he was growing up, including every tourist attraction, and even took the time to share ice cream with Ella at his favorite ice-cream place. She was so much like him; it was insane. Her favorite flavor was his. She bit into her ice cream like he did. When she tried something, she didn’t like she said, “ I no wike it.” That killed him; he laughed so hard. The saying “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” couldn’t have been more accurate in his case with her.

After sightseeing for half the day, he accompanied Vixen on her errands to finish planning Ella’s birthday party. He played the supportive role and agreed with all of your ideas and plans. Truthfully you had an excellent eye for detail, and your ideas were terrific. Where possible, you asked for his input, and he was sure it was to make him feel included, he appreciated the thought. It was another thing he loved about you; you were thoughtful. There were a few times you became assertive, and it was mainly when he offered to pay for a service. You insisted you had it. The first two or three times, he took it in stride and brushed it off his shoulders, but when you’d said it the fourth or fifth time, he was ready to flip a table, especially with what you said the final time he offered.

“I am fully capable of paying for things myself. I don’t need you, your money, status, or influence to save me.”

He was speechless and irked, to say the least. It was uncalled for and unfair to him. After the outburst, any conversation ceased and so did the lite mood of the afternoon. The tension was obvious. He didn’t know what to say after that; he didn’t even feel like talking. He was at his wit’s end. When he brought you back to the house he didn’t speak to you for the rest of the night.

A soft knock broke him out of his mind. “Come in.”

Turning the corner, you appeared with a sheepish look on your face.

“Damnit, why does she have to be so fucking gorgeous.”

Balling his fists at his side, he straightened his back and held his head higher. “Hey.”

Your eyes dropped to the floor, and your head followed. You began playing with your fingers, but you didn’t answer right away. He took the chance to look you over. The color looked great on you, and the way you pulled it off was nothing short of amazing. He didn’t know how you managed to make a simple dress look so flawless.

“Hey,” you finally responded. The sound of your voice snapped him out of his stupor, and he turned back to the mirror and continued what he was doing. Silence filled the room, and he did his best to ignore it. After almost a minute he couldn’t handle the silence anymore.

“Everything okay?”

“No, everything is not okay. It was going fine, almost great even, and then I ruined it. I’m the reason why everything is so fucked now.” He stared at you through the mirror and fought the urge to go to you. Part of him didn’t want to give you the impression he was trying to save you, especially since you expressed how much it bothered you. When you finally looked up into his eyes through the mirror he went against his better judgment and walked over to you.

“I’m sorry, Chris, I really am. I didn’t mean to be such a bitch.”

“You weren’t--.”

“I was, oh my god, I was such a bitch, and I’m sorry about it. I seriously am. It’s just I don’t want to get swallowed by you.”

He was taken aback; he had no idea you felt this way. He began to wonder if he’d done something to make you feel like this.

“Swallowed? I—I never meant to make you feel that way or come off that way at all--.” He led you to the nearby seat at the foot of his bed and sat beside you. Neither of you spoke for a few more moments. “I’m sorry,” he finished.

“No, don’t—uugh.” You rubbed your forehead and took a deep breath. “You’re this huge star; everyone loves you, everyone wants you--wants a piece of you. You get everything you want and you and the idea of you--you’re—colossal, even back then. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today. I’ve had to go without sleep more times than I can count. Yeah, I have an amazing family around me who have helped a lot but, I’ve missed meals on my own. I’ve had to choose which bill had to be paid just to make sure the priorities were taken care of for Ella in the beginning. I’ve worked my ass off to earn what I make, and it has shaped me into the woman I am, and I just don’t want you thinking I’m like all these other women who you can throw money at or around.”

He grabbed your hand and squeezed. “You’re kidding. Vixen, I don’t think that at all. You have no idea how impressed, and in awe, I am over the fact that you refused money back then. I love that about you. I love that you’re hardworking and proud and so damn independent it’s an incredible trait, especially in the world I live in where women would prefer to rely on the other half that is more famous and wealthier. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or give you the impression I was trying to fix you or anything. I just wanted to help even a little, not to take away from your ability to do it. I know full and well how able you are to do it—to do anything. You’re like WonderWoman.” He smiled because the comparison was spot on; you were WonderWoman in the flesh; it was incredibly attractive.

“I wanted to start doing my part with Ella, I just wanted.”

You sighed and squeezed his hand back. “I know Chris, I know. Well, I know now. At the time, I didn’t see it. I’m sorry for biting your head off, and for saying it the way I did. Sometimes I struggle with the way things are now. Before it was Ella and me, I didn’t have to consult anyone, didn’t have to think about anyone else, and now you’re everywhere, you’re involved, and it’s—different.” Your words hit him harshly, but he knew you didn’t mean them with any malice. He couldn’t help but think you didn’t like the way things were now, didn’t like him “everywhere,” didn’t like him involved. His heart sank a little, but he tried his best not to give anything away. Instead, he nodded his head and cleared his throat.

“I understand.” He really didn’t. You cleared your throat and released a breath.

“I’m sorry. I promise I will work on biting my tongue,” you began.

“No, don’t. I don’t ever want you to bite your tongue around me. Tell me if I’m overstepping.”

“You’re not though. You’re being a good dad.” Your eyes met his, and that is where they stayed. Long moments passed with the two of you just looking into each other’s eyes.

“I’m trying,” he quietly said before he looked down. “I’m—really trying, Vixen.” Your hand connected with his jaw, and it brought his eyes right back to you. Your hand shouldn’t have felt as good as it did. A small electric surge penetrated the skin of his cheek and traveled through his body. Everything in him said get closer.

“You’re doing great. Most almost two years olds are easy, Ella is not, and she loves you already. You’re doing amazing, cross my boob.” Just like that at the mention of the phrase from three years ago in Vegas, he snorted out and laughed, a laugh you joined in on.

“See, you remember the top of the Eiffel tower too,” he slid in. You bit your bottom lip, and his attention went to those sultry lips.

“I remember how dirty your mind was.” He smiled.

“In my defense, you were naked and literally crossed over your heart. I was just pointing out the correct action that you did.” You smiled and nodded. “See, it’s better when you admit and accept when I’m right.” You laughed with a loud “ha” before you playfully pushed him away.

“Whatever Evans. I am always right.” You stood and walked away a little giving him another full view of your figure.

“Are you nervous?” You stopped at his window and peeped through the grey curtains.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Not obvious like easy, but I guess I’m getting a little better at reading you.” your head snapped to him and took him in for a few moments before you looked away again.

“There is no reason to be nervous, but I understand why you are. I promise though; it won’t be as bad as you’re imagining.”

You smirked. “So, everyone won’t take a turn with me in the hidden boxing ring in the basement?” He laughed again and stood.

“That imagination of yours is wild.”

“You have no idea.” Suddenly the air between you became thick and the room warmer than it was mere seconds ago.

“Jesus, she’s like walking temptation.”

He shook his head, hoping to bring his head back to the right path. “Hopefully one day, I will.” You smiled small then walked toward the door. “Hey, Vixen--.” You looked back before walking out his room. “You look really great.” You studied him for a second or two then the smallest demure smile teased your lips.

“Later, Evans.”

~~~~~~~

“Ready?”

“Wedy,” Ella echoed from behind in her car seat. He smiled as he looked back to her smiling face.

“All right, princess, here I come.” He looked beside her to your face. You looked like you were going to vomit. Everyone began getting out of the car, and he made his way back toward Ella. When he got to the door it was locked. Pressing the unlock button again he tried the handle, but again it was locked. Confused, he looked to Nexus who was close by. She smirked and held up her finger as if to tell him one minute. So, he stood there and gave you the amount of time you needed. While standing there, he realized he just might wait forever, and it was fine with him.

After five minutes, the door opened, and you slid out then reached back in for Ella who wrapped her arms around your neck. “Wedy mama?”

“Ready baby.” He nodded, and they began walking down the path to his family house.

He’d made it a point to buy his mom her dream house when he had the money and told her nothing was too expansive. It took two years to renovate it the way she liked, but everyone was happy with it now. Instead of going through the front door, he decided to go through the side. The sound of music could be heard, and his nerves began to rise. He took a peek back at you and said a silent prayer things went as well as he hoped they would. When he opened the latch on the gate he allowed everyone to walk ahead and followed behind Vixen. He could hear chattering.

“Where is your brother? They should have been here ten minutes ago,” his mother asked.

“Maybe she picked up and disappeared again. Chris did say that is what happened the first time,” Carly voiced. He knew if he could hear her, then you’d definitely heard it. He looked back to you, but you avoided his eyes. He groaned, already feeling the stress return to his neck and shoulders.

“We’re here!”

Everyone looked at him, and their conversations stopped. It was now a little over a dozen people all with their eyes glued to him and everyone else.

“Uncle Chris!” His two nephews bolted across his mother’s lawn to him, and he enthusiastically met them and engulfed them in a hug. After asking how they were and listening to a little bit of their answers he looked up to everyone else who’d closed in. He hugged and kissed his mother and sisters then moved on to hug everyone else. Soon a silence fell over everyone, but the smiles never fell.

“Ehm, everyone meet Carmine, and Soleen Giovanni, Nexus, Vixen, and Ella.”

~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

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#love maybe fic #Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #Chris Evans X black reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x reader #chris evans smut #angst fanfic #slow burn fanfic

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amydancepants-peralta · 5 years

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So here’s a little headcanon that I wrote, that absolutely no-one asked for, totally inspired by this post by @Upworthy on Instagram that completely melted my heart. (aka, a fic where Jake goes to ballet class with his daughter and everyone’s heart explodes just a little bit 💕💕)

(Full disclosure, I have no idea what I think they will call their child, or even if they will have their daughter. There have been some amazing options thrown around, and I here for all of them!)

tutu tuesday 🩰👯‍♀️

Jake Peralta, in case anybody is asking, is one of the most bad-ass detectives New York has ever seen. The best, in fact (a statement he can now make a little more confidently, given that his wife is now a Lieutenant). He has seen things that could make even the toughest cringe, and he can handle any situation that the world throws at him.

Except, it seems, Tutu Tuesday at his daughter Mia’s dance class.

He’d been so confident walking in today. His mother had been so insistent that he knew how to dance properly (it’s an incredibly charming skill, Jacob, and not up for negotiation) that spare time during his youth had been filled with dance classes not dissimilar to this. It was a expertise that few knew about, mainly because he rarely mentioned it without turning bright red, but he was actually fluent in the art of ballroom dancing, and after two years of lessons, a master at tap. And sure, it had been a few years (okay, maybe more than a few) since he’d actually danced, but it was just like riding a bike …. right?

Wrong.

His feet wouldn’t turn out the right way, his frame refused to lock into place, and he was just a bumbling mess of oversized limbs and mumbled apologies that kept accidentally bumping into people whenever he tried to move.

His daughter, on the other hand?

“No Daddy, like this!” She giggles, raising her hands up as high as she can reach them and spinning, and she definitely didn’t get this from Amy but she turns so gracefully, so weightlessly, this beautiful hybrid of messy curls and a button nose that (thank god) she had inherited from her mother and his heart just may not be able to contain how cute this is. Not for the first time since her birth, Jake wishes he had a Go-Pro permanently strapped to his head, purely to capture all of these tiny but incredible moments, because it doesn’t seem possible for him to be able to remember all of them, but somehow he does.

He can’t wait to get home to Amy, to tell her about their day, and also he just noticed one of the waiting moms taking video of the whole thing and he’s definitely going to ask her for a copy.

“And one, two, three and plié!” Miss Melissa the dance teacher calls out from the front of the class, and quickly Mia moves back into position in front of Jake before bending her knees outwards so smoothly it appears second nature. Jake copies his daughter’s action, ignoring the definite creak that came from his left knee or the tiny twinge of pain that came from his nearly decade old bullet wound, and steadfastly ignores the mirror on the wall opposite them.

“Lift up!” the teacher calls out and Jake leans forward, gripping his daughter carefully around the waist and raising her up high.

“And time to twirl!”

Jake turns in a circle, praying that he’s staying within their own dance space as Mia’s ribcage vibrates with giggles. Her body is held into a tiny arabesque position, arms and legs as straight as she can manage through her contagious giggles, and the smile on her face could light up the entire room. Jake can feel his body swaying to the side as the spinning makes him dizzy, and he tightens his grip slightly before lowering to the ground with the other dancers, smiling when Mia immediately envelopes his legs in a giant hug.

His lower back is aching, his knee is absolutely throbbing and this did not go the way he had expected it to (what on earth happened to his dancer’s frame, damnit?) but his daughter was bursting with happiness and he was so very, very grateful that he got to attend ballet class today.

“That was so fun, Daddy!” Mia tells him, voice muffled by his sweater, and Jake’s heart soars.

Keeping one hand on her back, Jake uses the other to push his glasses back up (today was his first day off in ten days, and contacts seemed like way too much effort this morning), glancing over at the other dads beside him and feeling relieved when they looked just as exhausted as he did. Marco, the father of Mia’s dance class bestie Harper, widened his eyes in Jake’s direction, pretending (or maybe not pretending) to wipe a line of sweat off his brow. At the front of the room, Miss Melissa announces today’s class was over, asking all the children to give a round of applause to all the parents that had come to class today.

Jake gives a tiny bow in Mia’s direction, lifting his hand up for a high five when she finishes clapping, and lets out a relieved sigh that finally he could relax again.

Parenting was tough, guys.

“Okay, madam Mia, remember our story?” Jake asks as he switches off the car engine, turning in his seat to smile at his daughter still safely ensconced in her carseat.

“Dance class then straight home! No icecweam at all!” Her tiny voice cries out, raising one tiny hand across her mouth in a ‘my lips are sealed’ motion she had definitely picked up from her mother.

“Exactly, baby girl.” Grabbing one of the wet wipes from the holder Amy installed in the centre console, Jake unbuckles his seat beat and leans towards his daughter, wiping the remnants of the ice cream that they absolutely did not have from her face before getting out of the car. She is a wriggly worm of excitement as they make their way along the footpath to their apartment, feet still stretched out in perfect points as she practices her pirouettes.

“Imma show Mommy how good I’ve gotten!” Mia announces as Jake unlocks the door to the building, bounding towards the elevator with such energy that he needs to push his aching legs into double time just to keep up.

Her tiny ballet slipper covered feet slap against the hardwood floors that lead to their front door, and she bursts into their home as soon as Jake turns the key, racing over to Amy in the kitchen before Jake’s even crossed over the threshold.

“Mommy, Mommy! Daddy danced with me today and the teacher said I was rooly good and we definitely didn’t have any ice cream at all!” Her words bounce off the kitchen cabinets as she races into Amy’s arms, and Jake steadfastly looks the other way as Amy clocks the words ice cream and definitely.

“Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun, Mia!” Amy responds with a laugh, clapping politely as her daughter begins to display her turns, holding third position as she finishes. “Very good, sweetheart!”

“You shoulda seen Daddy, he was soooo funny!” Their daughter giggles, pointing at Jake before covering her mouth to conceal her laughter.

“I bet he was, baby. How about we get changed out of our tutus and into our regular clothes, and you can come back and tell Mommy about the rest of your day?” Mia nods, waiting until Amy has bent down to leave a kiss on the top of her head before running towards her bedroom, the tulle edges of her skirt scraping against the door frame as she runs.

“I’ll have you know, I glided like an angel in that classroom.” Jake begins, walking into the kitchen and giving Amy a kiss in greeting.

“I’m sure you did, babe.” Amy winks, ruffling his hair good naturedly. “But what’s this I hear about ice cream, Detective?”

He winces, glancing in the direction of their daughter’s bedroom before leaning in for another soft kiss. “You know I can’t help myself when she looks at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers, Ames.” He rubs his nose against his wife’s before continuing. “I’m a sucker for them, and because they’re the same as yours, I totally hold you responsible. Besides, she knows the rule. No ice cream after dinner if she’s had some earlier.”

Amy’s eyebrows lift as she pulls away slightly, leaving her hands gripped tightly around Jake’s waist. “You’re going to deal with the meltdown later, Peralta.”

“Fair call.” He leans in for another kiss, because he truly can’t get enough of his wife, before leaning back to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Would it help if I told you that I have video from our class today to show you?”

“Um, YES! Why didn’t you lead with that? Gimme!”

Laughing, Jake hands over his phone before turning his attention to the ingredients for dinner that Amy had begun to lay out on the bench. She was an excellent planner, but not so excellent chef, and surprisingly he had taken to the role like a duck to water.

He hears a snort behind him as he reaches for a frypan from the cupboard, half turning to watch Amy’s shoulders begin to shake with laughter as she pauses the video on his phone.

“Soo … by ‘glided like an angel’, you totally meant ‘stumbled like a baby calf learning how to walk’, right?”

“Hey! I was very graceful.”

Amy nods slowly, the barely contained smile on her face completely giving her true opinion away.

“Ballet is hard, babe! Honestly, I do not recommend.”

“No doubt! But Mia looks like she loved it.”

He turns fully at that, leaning his weight against the kitchen counter. “She is so amazing, Ames. Our girl can move.” Throwing Amy a wink, Jake continues. “No idea where she gets it from, though.”

Her hand slaps against his shoulder, and he captures it before she can get away, leaving an apologetic kiss against her palm. “Sorry, babe.”

Amy’s eyes narrow slightly but she shakes her head with a sighed, “No, you’re right.”, before leaning her head against Jake’s chest, arms encircling around his waist. “It’s about time there was a Santiago child that could dance, though. And I’m totally proud that it’s ours!”

A heavy thump and the unmistakeable sound of multiple items falling echoes down the hallway, interrupting their quiet moment, and Amy lifts herself out of Jake’s arms with a groan. “One of these days, she’s going to be able to get changed without making a mess. This is totally your genes at play here, Peralta.”

Jake’s unable to argue as Amy hurries out of the kitchen, watching her hips sway (still a favourite of his) before moving a few ingredients to the cutting board and reaching for a small dose of paracetamol from their first aid kit.

Parenting was hard, and his dancers frame was all but completely gone, but all of it was one hundred percent worth it.

#okay so I don't know where this came from #but I couldn't help myself #suddenly it was written #and it's too cute not to share #i hope you like it #b99 fanfic #jake x amy fanfic #peraltiago fanfiction #b99 fic #peraltiago children is a new avenue for me #hope this works!

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tosimplybe · 4 years

Text

🎉9th September 2020🎉

DRUMROLL PLEASE....

I MET MY UGW! 45 KILOGRAMS!

As you may have seen me yelling about earlier... this is kind of a big deal. I’ve been working towards this for more than a year that it feels insane to finally reach it.

This is the first day of my maintence plan! I guess this is some form of recovery!

As it is week 1: I will be adding yesterday’s dinner to today’s intake to try to equal 800

Limit: 800 - 334 (yesterday’s dinner) = 466

Intake excluding dinner: 405

Breakfast

Crumpet - 86

Vegimite - 14

Lunch

Half Granny Smith apple - 70

Various spices - idk about 6

Snacks

Cocoa powder - 20

Like half a glass of almond milk so much - 18

Chocolate ice cream of my DREAMS - 191

Dinner: 390 (leaves 410 for tomorrow)

Half a cup of rice - 169

Some curry - 196

Tzatziki - 25

Calories out: 270

It’s been a lot harder to meet my calories than I thought it would be. I’m still terrified of anything high cal which makes things a little... difficult. I am so tired of being sick and would really quite like my hair to stop falling out. I made an actual hot chocolate and just... couldn’t bring myself to drink it. I’m so proud of my ice cream, I just don’t hope it becomes a habit. Oh well!

Let me know if you think I’m underestimating my calories by the way - I’m always so scared that I’m actually eating thousands over what I log

Overall today was a success! I’m pretty sure I’m at least going to gain food weight which is terrifying. If I lose any more actual weight I have a plan:

I would ignore dinner. Simply cut it out of my daily calorie limit (still log it but hey). I would then enforce a minimum calories as well as a maximum. I feel like this would help me “recover” my relationship with food, but I’m worried it would cause me to significantly gain.

Things I’m grateful for:

I spent the afternoon drawing and playing animal crossing! This was so absolutely incredible! I also made some pretty cute earrings! Thank you universe for the opportunity to have a restful afternoon

Energy!!!!! I wasn’t as grumpy as I normally was and it was so nice to be able to focus in school for once. I even went on a long walk in the forest without feeling (too much) like I was about to pass out

Good food. For lunch I had an “apple pie in a mug” and I absolutely adored every second of it. I have been too scared to eat apples for a while and it’s literally insane how sweet they are it makes my face hurt. With the cinnamon it’s so apple pie-y and so warm and so sweet and it made me so so beyond happy

One weird thing I’ve noticed: I’m hungry????

My hunger while doing omad usually went more:

9am: unsettling gurgling 11 am: stabbing stomach pain 2 pm: tiredness and inability to focus 6pm: crying grumpy and reluctant to stand up

But overall it was pretty tame and predictable. But now I am eating food? I’m hungry like two hours after I eat??? Like I had a crumpet at 7 and I thought that would be ok until like 1 but no?? So much more hungry than usual :/

I am in control of my eating. I am strong. I am motivated. I am full of energy. I am focused. I am thin.

Have my costar for today because it seems relevant!

#ed #jemrambles #tw food #food log #maintaining #tw eating disorder

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teenwriterforall · 4 years

Text

Up In The Stars Chapter 1

Chapter 1: An Ice Cream Truck Filled With Garbage

I wrung my rubber band around my wrist. I heard shouts downstairs and heaved a sigh. Every single day, the same story. "Kathy would you stop being so annoying!" I heard my dad shout at my mom. I could hear my mom sobbing quietly, leaving the living room and slamming the door down the hallway.

Hi, I am Allie and my life is like an ice cream truck filled with garbage. Sounds weird, huh? Its all roses from outside, but when you look inside its full of thorns. It wasn't always like that, we were a happy family. Then my brother died when I was a freshman 3 years back and mom and dad just kinda fell apart. I was going to be a senior this year. Last year of high school, and then I will be out of here. We used to live in Manhattan, but I don't think my mom could bear to be there. So we shifted into this little town in Southern Carolina. Greenville is a beautiful place. The trails, greenery, streams. It was a lot fresher and homely than busy Manhattan. I loved this place. We had come here a few days back and most of my time had gone by in just being outside. My room was still full of packed boxes. Finally, wanting to get out of my procrastination mode, I slowly began to open my boxes. It was a little after lunch when I started and when I looked up again, it was twilight. My room was already made. They forgot to call me for dinner, I thought to myself. I went down and the place was deserted. I went and knocked on their room, no one was there. I began to get worried. I saw a note on the fridge.

Hey Allison,

I am going to your grandma's house for a bit. A couple of days maybe. Best of luck with your new school and senior year. Your dad left earlier. He should be back soon. In case he isn't, go to your neighbour's house. They would hook you up with something to eat.I have already spoken to them.

Love,

Mum

There you have it guys! A typical day at the Rivera household, dad MIA, mum disappeared and me asking for food from neighbours I have never met. I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am. Yeah, I know people have it worse than me, so let's just move with the flow.

I exited my house, to go on the gravel path right outside. I wasn't used to having such a big house, in Manhattan we lived in a little appartment in one of the buildings, complete FRIENDS style. It was a 5 minute walk to the neighbour's. If my house was big, theirs was humongous. It was beautiful with lawns and an artificial stream running through. It was like a mansion, no, a palace.

"Woah. Who lives here? The princess of Andorra?"

"I will take that as a compliment."

I immediately turned around to see a strikingly beautiful girl looking at me with an amused expression. I flushed deep red.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Hi. I am Emma Cooper. You can call me Em. Don't be sorry, its not everyday I get called a princess. "

She is kidding right? With her looks, she looked no less than a princess.

"Hey. I am Allison. Call me Allie. I am your next door neighbour ."

"Ahh... I was fairly certain someone has moved over summer. Did you need something?"

Yeah my parents ditched me so could you feed me? But I wasn't going to tell her that.

"Can I speak to your mother?"

"Sure." She said smiling.

"Who is that Em?" A deep voice came from behind her.

"Oh, Will, this is our neighbour Allison. Allie, this is my brother William."

"Hi nice to meet you-"

"Yeah, yeah. What do you want?" He said rolling his eyes and properly stepped into light. Rude much?

I took a proper look onto him. He looked - whats the word- dreamy. Never in my life had I imagined, I would use such a word to describe anyone, yet here I was. He was tall, at least 6 feet. I, myself, was at least 5'9 or 5'8. He had broad shoulders and a brooding smirk. The kind most cheerleaders would go crazy for. One could clearly see that that had inflated his ego. he had large, well toned muscles. A shirt that hug so tight that it showed his eight pack clearly. Yes, I said an eight pack. He had a huge mess of soft, shiny brown hair atop his head that seemed like silk. But what was most spectacular about him was his eyes. Deep, ocean blue ones.

"If you are done checking me out, would you tell us what do you want?" At that point, I wanted to inflict some serious damage upon him. So, he was textbook handsome. But that did not cover the fact that he was a big time jerk. It was written all over his face. Trust me, I know. I have been picked on for being the school nerd by people like him enough times. I hate them. All they have are looks.

This was going to be a long year.

So, this is the first time I am writing a teen fiction. Its not exactly a romance novel or anything, but I really wanted to try it out and I am proud of the way it turned out. I always wanted to read a book like this, so decided to write it. Hope you guys like reading it as much as I love writing it.

Peace out!

~ Yours, Author

#teen #post #my love #writing #story #love #write #original post

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

Cruising for a bruising, Part 3 (Branjie) - Q-Tip & TheDane

Authors note: Hi everyone! We’re very sorry about the wait, but here is chapter 3 of Cruising for a bruising finally! Q-tip and I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you will all enjoy it! A huge thank you to ArtificialMeggie and VeronicaSanders who beta’d, and please leave some love in the comments!

“I called for help and you didn’t come! What good is dating your hot Canadian butt if you don’t come to my aid like some prince on a white moose!”

—-

They had taken their sweet time, enjoying each other before Vanjie got up. He had quickly ran a wash cloth over his body before throwing it at Brooke who had laughed and cleaned himself up too. Vanjie had been ready to go out again in minutes, speedos discarded and forgotten in favor of a pair of blue shorts that were much more appropriate. However, Brooke still wasn’t done, insisting he had to use the bathroom.

“Brock! Come ooooooon.” Vanjie knew he was whining, but he had never been above acting a fool to get his way. “Why you takin so long?” he asked, a series of rapid knocks on the bathroom door interlacing with his words. “The sun ain’t gonna shine all day.”

“Go on up,” Brooke called back. “I’ll join you in a sec.”

“Why’s the door locked? You taking a shit or something?”

Vanjie could hear the deep belly laugh. Vanjie knew he was often overreacting, but few things got him going like a locked door, and it was even worse if he knew Brooke was on the other side.

“Something like that.”

Vanjie laughed. “Fine! I’ll leave without you, but don’t you go taking too long, I need you to come show me off like the fine fucking catch I am.” Vanjie grabbed his phone, making his way to the door, yelling, “Love ya!” before he closed it behind him.

It was truly incredible how Vanjie could switch from being the sexiest little minx to crass and hilarious in the span of minutes. Brooke chuckled softly to himself as he rubbed sunscreen onto his face in gentle circles, making sure he covered each inch of skin. He had managed not to get burned yet, and there was no way he was risking his streak, even if Vanjie was more impatient than a toddler sometimes.

Brooke went back into the room, ready to do the hardest part of the day. Picking what to wear. Nina had pointed out a few personal faves, and Brooke ended up grabbing the floral shorts that both Nina and the shop assistant had said looked good on him.

Brooke took a look in the mirror. The swim shorts - which he did get a size up, thank you very much - were decorated liberally with various hawaiian flowers. He felt like himself, though a slightly more bougie version. Brooke grabbed a sky blue shirt, not bothering to button it up since it stretched tight across his chest. Nina had called it fashion and said he looked swole .

The sun hadn’t always been a friend of Nina’s. However, generous amounts of sunscreen - SPF 50, of course - had allowed him the luxury of basking in the sun while on this cruise. If only he were careful and applied a new layer at regular intervals, he was golden. Literally, which he had every intention of getting.

“This is so unfair.”

Vanjie’s voice never failed to catch Nina’s attention. Brooke was smothering Vanjie in sunscreen, running his broad palms down Vanjie’s arm, and from the whine in Vanjie’s voice, Nina knew this was a prime chance for a story to evolve.

“I thought this would be some sensual shit.” Vanjie fretted, legs bouncing up and down as he shifted impatiently. “You could at least butter me up with some oil instead so I can get my tan on.”

Vanjie was full of golden nuggets, little pieces of information that Nina was carefully putting aside for future use. His podcast thrived on stories of Vanjie’s adventures and crazy theories, and Nina had to thank his excellent memory for allowing him to tuck every word aside, so that he could write it down later. His most listened to episode of the podcast so far had featured Vanjie, his friend agreeing to come on and explain a few of his most popular quotes. Nina’s co-host, Patricia, had been all up in arms, excited and even more bubbly than normal while displaying her sincere disappointment in the fact that Vanjie was not only taken, but also gay, as she had never met a man she had wanted to marry more.

“Just sit still.” Brooke ran his hands across Vanjie’s arms, tongue poking out from between his teeth in concentration. “You’ll burn if you don’t let me put this sunscreen on you. And then I’ll have to put up with your whining.”

“Pfth. Sunscreen. That’s just some marketing mumbo jumbo. I don’t need this just let me go.”

Brooke looked as if someone had just slapped him squarely across the face.

“… Are you saying you don’t believe in sunscreen?”

Nina had rarely seen Brooke look so dumbfounded, Vanjies mouth already running, babbling like a waterfall. “It’s like the florade in the water-

“The what?”

“The florade. You know that mind control shit that the government put in the water. Sunscreen is the same.”

“Do you mean floride?”

“Sssh Brooke, let her finish.” Nina waved her hand at Brooke in an effort to silence him, perching up in her seat.

“I ain’t ever used sunscreen and I’m fine. Rays from space? Who even made that up?”

Nina sat up straight, throwing her legs over the side of her chair in an effort to look closely at Vanjie. “Tell me more, tell me more.”

“Nina don’t-“

“Besides, even if them UN rays are real.”

“UV. It’s UV rays.” If looks could kill, Nina would already have been dead, Brooke shooting daggers at him.

“Even if they are, I’m Latinx! It’s like, the protection is in my blood, you know?” Vanjie held his head high and proud, and Nina could feel her cheeks straining from the insane smile that was plastered there, Vanjie clearly on a tangent. “Everyone be talking about skin cancer, but there ain’t no person in my family who has ever used sunscreen and my Abuela lived to 105!”

Nina had to bite her lip, breathing deep not to fall into a full on crackle. “So, just to be clear. You’re saying you can’t get skin cancer because of your race?”

“I might have to reeducate myself.” Vanjie smiled, his eyes sparkling. “Cause when you say it like that, I usually put my foot in my dang mouth. Damn Nina, you always make me feel like a dumbass.”

“You’re not dumb,” Brooke reassured him, squeezing his biceps teasingly. “You’re just horribly misinformed.”

“You still love me?”

If Nina didn’t know them both so well, she might not have noticed how Vanjie’s face visibly fell before morphing into the mirror image of a relaxed grin. She might also not have noticed how Brooke - the Brooke she had known for so many years, the canadian queen of solitude - pressed the most tender of kisses to the patch between Vanjie’s shoulder blades.

“I’ll always love you.”

Ariel licked the side of his ice cream cone, catching a drop of vanilla flavored liquid that was making it’s escape. He had been enjoying the sun when noise from the pool had distracted him. Silky had accidentally fired a beach ball into Detox’s face, the queens quickly breaking up into factions, the water fight of a century starting as everyone got dragged into it, or at least, nearly everyone.

Ariel spotted Brooke near the railing, his sister standing with his phone and taking pictures.

“Look at you.” Ariel smiled, licking his ice cream. “Out here, thotting it up while the world has gone into madness.”

“.. What?” Brooke looked up from his phone, and Ariel realised with delight that Brooke had no idea about the water fight.

“Nothing, I just wasn’t sure you knew what patterns were until now,” Ariel commented, nodding towards Brooke’s shorts.

“Have you not seen my drag?” Brooke huffed, although there was nothing but jest in his voice.

“Do you need help?”

“You’re offering me help?”

“Why not?” Ariel shrugged. “Besides, it’s not like there’s anything more fun to do.” If Ariel played his cards just right, he would secure his entertainment for the rest of the day. Keeping Brooke distracted would mean there was no one who could break up the fight, and if Ariel was lucky, Silky was getting annihilated by the pool as they spoke.“New day, new me.”

“Twist your back.”

Brooke had laughed when Ariel had insisted on oiling his chest, but as Brooke looked over his shoulder, he was sure it would look great. Soju had called Brooke’s Instagram thirst central several times, and while Brooke loved it, he couldn’t help but hope that his fans would notice something else this time around.

“Are you sure this is a good look?”

“Trust my vision, big guy.” Ariel smiled, clapping Brooke’s abs before he tucked the string of his shorts into the waistband. “There is a reason I’m an Instagram queen.”

“I can’t believe you left my ass hanging!”

“I told you.” Brooke laughed, Vanjie ready to explode like a little cartoon character as they ran down the hall to get to their room. “I was busy.”

“I called for help and you didn’t come! What good is dating your hot Canadian butt if you don’t come to my aid like some prince on a white moose!”

Brooke snorted. Vanjie had acted like he had been forgotten on the battlefield when Brooke had finally returned. From what Brooke had gathered, the entire thing had turned into a major shitshow, Vanjie jumping on Silky’s team the moment Detox had teamed up with Nina and A’keria, the fight quickly migrating from the pool to cover the entire deck. Ariel and Brooke had returned to Silky and Vanjie in a giant fort, built out of sun chairs, while A’keria had just returned from the gift shop with hands full of water balloons. “I was there for Untucked Papi. You can hold your own.

“I nearly died! What if I had died?!”

“I’ve never heard of anyone dying in a water fight.”

“I could have been the first!”

“If you had,” Brooke laughed, grabbing Vanjies arm and pulling him in, spinning them around before he pushed Vanjie against the wall. “I would have mourned you appropriately.”

“Just kiss me you fucking asshole.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Best idea I ever had.” Vanjie smiled, excitement radiating off him. “It’s gonna look sick.”

“Unless you break your neck.” Brooke smiled back, Vanjie’s good mood almost infectious though the other man had no reason to be as excited as he was. They were stuck in rehearsals, the cruise company wanting every queen to participate in a big finale show at their end destination, and while Brooke wasn’t opposed to it, he was again and again reminded why he prefered to work alone. Brooke and Vanjie had been the last to slip into the room, Raja laughing at them, but thankfully none of the staff had pointed it out. “Just because you saw it on Youtube, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”

“If I fall and break my neck, Imma come back and haunt your dick so I’m fine either way.”

“Come on then.”

Vanjie ran, bare feet touching the floor, extending his arms, Brooke catching Vanjie’s hands and using the momentum to swing Vanjie over his head, Brooke clicking his elbows into place as Vanjie tried to find his balance, Brooke’s boyfriend doing a handstand above his head, both of their arms stretched. Vanjie flailed a little, his legs not fully up, and Brooke moved forward instantly, counterbalancing Vanjies weight, his neck bend backwards to watch Vanjie, making sure he was safe. Brooke squeezed Vanjie’s hand, pushing up and using the movement to swing Vanjie down on the other side of his body, his boyfriend landing clean on his feet.

“You ok babe?”

“That, was, awesome!!” Not even a foghorn could have competed with Vanjie in that moment, Brooke almost blown backwards. “Again!”

“Again?” Brooke smiled, Vanjie’s pure excitement contagious.

“Yes bitch again!” Vanjie jumped in place, giddy with the fact that the trick has almost worked perfectly. “Wait, let me find my heels! God this is gonna look fucking sick!”

“Concentrate please!

Brooke peeked over the top of his book, Lord of the Flies the latest paperback he was working his way through. It had always been a habit of his to have something with him during his ballet career in case there was downtime, an inevitable part of working in a company. Since Drag Race had aired, he had however raced through his bookshelf, every forgotten copy from strange little stores or shitty airport shelves getting picked up and thumbed through to keep him entertained.

Brooke had picked the choreography up almost instantly, the instructor letting him go after two rounds, Brooke nailing the entire thing on the second go. The same couldn’t be said for Cracker or Nina though, who were still struggling through it, Vanjie caught in the background with Silky which was the exact reason Brooke hadn’t left yet and why he was spread out over a shitty bar booth instead of napping or enjoying the sun.

That, and the fact that his fingers were itching to look at his phone, the smallest part of his brain that he couldn’t control fully spiraling over whenever or not his fans had picked up on his new shorts on Instagram.

The fans were terrifyingly intense sometimes - Brooke sure, without the shadow of a doubt, that if he ever needed to be hospitalised he could ask twitter for his blood type, social security number and medical history and receive it within minutes.

“Hi stranger.” Brooke looked up, faintly recognising the voice. It was Justin, the guy from the clothing store, now carrying a case of beer. “Missed me already?”

“Oh absolutely.” Brooke laughed, a short sound coming from him as he sat up straight, Justin putting the case down on the table. “Didn’t realise this was your bar.”

“So, you’re not just a regular guest, huh?” Justin smiled, his white teeth bright in the half dark of the room.

Brooke felt a brief surge of unease. It had been nice chatting to a complete stranger, and Brooke was already mourning the loss of that a little bit, the days on the cruise making him feel like he was an animal at the zoo. “Who told you?”

“Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out when you’re in a closed bar during the day. You’re one of the dancers, right?”

Brooke smiled, quick relief coming to him. “Or maybe I’m just a really enthusiastic alcoholic?”

“That’d be the first alcoholic I’ve seen that reads Lord of the Flies and goes on cruises for fun.” Justin sat down, Brooke moving over to make space. “How do you like it so far?”

“You’ve read it?”

“Of course!” Justin smiled. “Required reading and all that, though I disagree with the idea of human nature being this uncaged animal, just waiting for a chance to get out.”

“I think I’d be pretty uncaged too if I had to survive on badly cooked jungle meat prepared by preteens.” Brooke thumbed through his copy. “How do you feel about the conch?”

“As a symbol for society?”

“It could appear that way.” Brooke smiled. “But in Hinduism-“

“Wasn’t the story published in like.. 1951?”

“1954, but in Hinduism conches were believed to be able to banish evil. Blow the conch, the kids have to listen, seems like a classic metaphor to me.”

“Because the banishment of evil worked real well for the boys.” Justin smirked.

“Better than a symbol of society.”

“If you insist on being contrary, let me just point out that the fragility of the material could be a metaphor for the weakness of-“

“Structured power!” Brooke laughed, quickly folding down the page in his copy so he could save the note Justin had given him.

“Exactly!” Justin laughed. They continued talking, shooting back and forth, Justin apparently still in college part time where he was finishing up a creative writing degree, their taste in books almost identical. Brooke didn’t even realise he had completely forgotten his phone, he and Justin quickly getting thrown into a rapid discussion on what the story would have turned into with all female characters

“It’s so fuckin hot back here.” Vanjie grumbled, fanning himself with his hand. Nina was still struggling, the cocktails he had had in the sun earlier that day affect his already slow ability to pick up a routine. “Can’t believe we gotta be stuck for this shit.” Vanjie was only wearing a loose t-shirt and shorts, the drawstring tightly secured since Brooke’s fingerprints had started to appear after their rut after lunch. Vanjie secretly loved it, his darker skin not picking up marks as easily as Brooke’s, but there was something special about carrying an imprint around, five perfect fingers blossoming on his right hip.

Silky laughed, his best friend sweating like a sinner in church. Cracker was going through it again, the choreographer showing him the steps, and they had the briefest of breaks. Vanjie would have gotten off stage, but he was sure he was caught in some Sisyphus nightmare, the rock he was hurling up a dumb hill Cracker’s two left feet and Nina’s Disney dancing ass.

“Here.” Silky handed Vanjie a bottle of water.

“Nah I’m good.”

“Come on cyst, gotta stay hydrated.” Silky grinned, holding the bottle to Vanjie’s lips.

Vanjie hit the bottle, water almost spraying everywhere. “My hydo- huda- hydaration is fucking fine, besides, I don’t want no sloppy seconds.”

“Oh so you’re a nice girl who only has premium meat?” Silky wiggled his eyebrows, making Vanjie snort.

“Fuck off.” Vanjie laughed. “Brock! Babe, where you at!” Vanjie held his hand above his eyes, blocking out the stage lights, scanning the dark bar. “Can I have a water please?!”.

Normally, Brooke would come running right away, his boyfriend the most caring person Vanjie had ever met from the moment they had stepped off the race, but as he waited one beat and then two, nothing came. Vanjie had expected Brooke to be somewhere, happily reading whatever nerd book he was into right now, but what he saw was something completely and gut wrenchingly different. Vanjie saw Brooke and someone else, a stranger, sitting together in a booth, open beer bottles in hand, Brooke openly, happily and loudly discussing something, the smile on his face so bright he might as well have been looking at the sun.

“Give me that stupid bottle.”

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #q tip #thedane #cruising for a bruising #s11 #canon compliant

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