#i am feeling too many ways about this and ultimately just kind of sad and tired

[shift-shaping]

i'll leave the countdown going because it seems like people have enjoyed it, but ultimately i don't think veilguard is for me. what i've read in early reviews and seen in previews is really disappointing, and ultimately while it sounds like a solid fantasy game, it doesn't sound like a dragon age game. i'll play it eventually, after it goes on sale, and maybe i'll like it just fine. for now, though, i think it's best if i just distance myself and pretend it doesn't exist.

rather than being a huge bitch and shitting on other people's fun, i'm going to take a break from tumblr. mutuals can dm me on ao3 or email eirwensurana@gmail.com for my discord.

i still enjoy writing these characters, but future chapters of raven will only be posted to ao3 for the foreseeable future.

it's been fun

[kanameows]

got to love how the bees and undead had such polarising normal polls while jun easily swept eden's poll with an 83~%

[aphroditelovesu]

Can I request yandere Other Mother platonic headcanons? ❤️

❝ 🕸 — lady l: I remember I used to be scared of the Other Mother when I was a kid lmao. Hope you like it and I'm sorry for any mistakes! ❤️

❝tw: technically kidnapping, manipulation, obsessive behavior and possible soul theft (?).

❝🕸pairing: platonic yandere!other mother/beldam x gender neutral!child reader.

The Beldam quickly became attached to you, though she tried to deny it at first. The Other Mother had shown obsessive behavior early on, albeit in a more subtle way but still present. She had spent so many years alone and starving for Coraline that the Beldam, though an ancient being and devoid of certain emotions, found herself yearning for companionship and food. She wanted a child to love and, ultimately, steal their soul. That was her original plan when you first moved into the Pink Palace, until she met you.

You were like a breath of fresh air to her: a naive child she could manipulate and eventually steal your soul from. The Beldam initially only wanted to lure you in and feed off of you, but the Other Mother found herself liking you and your company, and her plans to steal your soul were shelved. How could she steal your soul if she loved you so much?

Beldam soon found herself luring you into her web, with treats, gifts, and anything you could possibly want and desire, while at the same time manipulating your parents into neglecting and ignoring you so that you would be completely dependent on her.

With her, you will feel welcomed and understood, appreciated and deeply loved. Beldam wants you to be happy with her, to be her child forever, and so I see her wanting you to let her sew the buttons on your eyes, because that way, you would be stuck in your child form forever. Wouldn't that be amazing?

She is extremely manipulative and will do anything to make you want to live with her in the Other World voluntarily. Beldam will try to be as kind as possible, gentle and spoil you beyond measure. Eventually, the Other Mother will suggest putting the buttons in your eyes, but she will respect your choice if you say no at first.

Beldam is a very loving mother, always wanting to hug you and shower you with kisses. The Other Mother will cook whatever you desire and will fulfill any wishes you may have, although it is all just an illusion. There is no doubt that you will feel safe with her, loved and adored.

You will be living with her in the Other World permanently, regardless of whether you let her sew the buttons on you or not, there is no way she will let you return to your old life. Why would you hurt your own mother like that? You have everything you want with her, with a mother who truly loves you, so why go back?

She knows exactly what to say to dispel your doubts, and every time you express a desire to return to your original world, she responds with a mixture of calculated sadness and disappointment. "Why do you want to go back to that cold, uncaring place?" She whispers, her eyes filled with a pain that almost seems genuine. "Here, you have everything you want. I am your real mother, the one who will always take care of you. Your real parents never cared as much as I did."

Despite all her care, there are times when the Other Mother reveals brief glimpses of her true nature. When you frustrate her or try to defy her rules, her body is tense, and her sweetness evaporates for a moment. These glimpses, which require a little more attention, can be enough to make you question the sincerity of her love. However, before you can think too much about it, she returns to being the perfect mother, enveloping you with more promises of comfort and happiness.

Beldam is quite possessive of you. She wants to be the center of your world, for you to love only her and trust her completely, after all, she is your mother. The Other Mother is not jealous because there are only the two of you in the Other World, but she is possessive and wants you only for herself. Mother and child should never be separated, right? To her, the relationship between mother and child is sacred and unbreakable. In the Other World, she makes sure that you depend completely on her. There is no room for other influences, other people or even strong memories from your previous life.

She will punish you at times, like putting you behind a mirror and isolating you until you beg her for forgiveness, but in the end, Beldam will always pamper you and make sure that you are cultivating your love and devotion to her. And you will listen, right? Mother always knows best.

The Other Mother tries to be good to you in her own way, but her web of manipulation will only grow tighter and tighter and soon you won't remember who you used to be before you met her, everything will be forgotten and you will only remember her, your only mother. All the effort will be worth it in the end when you let her sew the buttons on your eyes and in that way, you will be stuck with her forever.

[statementlou]

forgive me if this is too serious for an anon ask.. feel free to ignore it..

but this week shook me in ways i didnt see coming. i wasnt a one direction fan growing up.. tbh im still not, i listen to only a few songs. im same age as louis. so, i found one direction through him.

i have great affection for all of the boys though. and even in my short time in fandom, i've always been surprised and saddened by the bullying liam has gotten.. he just always seemed like a good person with really poor communication skills. to understand his point, you had to give him some space and context.

but this year has been a constant worried watch over liam. it was so plain things were desperate.

stan twitter got to me so bad that i left twitter the day louis' tour ended. so i was very peripherally aware of his recent harassment, but i did worry.

and now the unimaginable has happened, i am just at loss. not just in the sense of how to make sense of this loss, but also the complete lack of empathy for him still? even for other boys' fans.?? after they've seen how all of the boys' are hurting?

and just in the bigger picture.. how is this real? what loving god/higher power/whatver has allowed this to be the state of the world? he was so kind, so generous, just a boy. JUST A BOY. just trying to find a place to fit and feel safe. why was he dealt such cruelty? just while he was pursuing something he loved? something he was gifted with? in life and in death?

im just at loss. heartbreak doesnt even begin to cover it.

for me I've felt it was a constant worried watch over Liam for many years now, but other than that, yeah. It's hard to feel hope or faith in the face of so much senseless cruelty and pointless loss; all I can say is I would hope the millions of people who are shocked and saddened by this take away something lasting both about the fact that there are real people on the other side of the computer screen and cruelty has a real impact, and that addiction can afflict anyone. Nothing can make this other than tragic and regrettable forever; but I would love to see the amazing power of fandom mobilized to support programs for addicts and to fight stereotyping and dismissing of people who use drugs in Liam's name. To see people use this as a realization to really understand that it wasn't strange or exceptional that someone talented and worthwhile could succumb to addiction and ultimately die of it, but rather a plague that our society is allowing to run unchecked because of stigma. IDK, maybe I'm just grasping at straws trying to find something remotely positive that could come out of this situation but what else can you do? It's just so sad.

[agatharkn3ss]

I'll see you at the end.

I can't believe we are here already. I'm excited and sad in equal measure.

This show has been such a delightful surprise. I went into it without expecting anything in particular - I loved Wandavision and I loved Kathryn Hahn and that was that. I didn't expect to be literally bewitched by the magic I saw on the screen.

Put simply, the power of AAA is that it is clearly a product of love - from Jac Schaeffer, the actors, the writers, the directors, the set and costume designers, the composers (and THE GODDAMN LOPEZES!), the producers... I could go on.

That level of dedication shines despite (or maybe BECAUSE) the low budget, and it has two massive effects: 1) it creates a truly compelling and stunning story; 2) it sends a very loud, clear message that representation not only matters, but is NEEDED.

Of course it's not the first show that does this, but I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to me to watch something in mainstream media that is centred around sapphic women where their sexuality is NOT the plot of a show. It is not something anyone ever needs to ask about or question. They don't pretend to be younger characters either, they are all 38+ and proud of it, as they should. Instead they focus on what actually matters - their rich, complex stories.

But the diversity is also within the creators - of the producers, half of them were women, headed by superb Mary Livanos (a queer woman herself), costume designer Daniel Selon (also queer), all of the directors were women and there is also of course a diversity of ethnicities. I am a big believer of the power of diversity as it allows you to go places you wouldn't normally consider, and really round the story. And I love this quote from Jac Schaeffer who states "My prerequisites for writers who work with me are first, they have to be kind, respectful humans."

And what stories the writers tell! In the limited time they had, they managed to create these seven multidimensional characters that were all different, yet similar in a lot of ways. My only criticism would be that we really could do with longer episodes to actually allow some more meaningful conversations and connections. All beautifully complemented by the visuals - the practical sets as well as the costumes. I love how the costume designer took his time to consult with the actors for their interpretations, before even starting to create every single design.

And on top of the great character stories and visual , we then have an engaging plot with mysteries to solve on the way. I cannot emphasise enough how fantastic it felt to follow the breadcrumbs. To spot all those little details that would foreshadow what's to come. The different ways they appeared - through dialogue, visual clues, music themes, lore symbolism and so so many art and literature references. The knowledge and confidence that they were left there on purpose too, because the creators took the show seriously - it literally felt like finding little personal messages!

This is why I've decided I need to pick them up and then try to piece them all together - just to see if I could make my sense of it, since the creators clearly put so much love and effort. No other show has ever made me do it to this extent. And it's been so much fun! I loved I wasn't alone with this and that I could discuss and read others' theories too. It's like we've formed this awesome coven.

So in my post-AAA blues, I don't think I will have it in me to just take my "murder board" down. I feel there is still so much to explore so I will probably keep looking for any more cool details to cheer me up.

I've not been actually particularly precious about whether or not my theories could be right or wrong. If some of them are - great, bonus! If not, also great, I am looking forward to being surprised!

Although we haven't seen the ending yet, I have ultimate trust in Jac. After all, she once said:

"I believe so strongly in sticking the landing and it's always up to the audience whether or not you truly stick the landing. But I believe that you have to put all your energy toward that. It's your job to try the best you absolutely can to stick the landing. You have to plot your mysteries, figure out what they are. It’s like a good murder mystery. The feeling that you want at the end of a murder mystery is you want to be surprised, but not. It still needs to feel within the realm of possibility, right? It needs to make sense and still surprise you." 

So I trust we will have a solid ending, wherever it lands. And afterwards - I will always remember the time when a show has made me feel this way. Thank you!

[fantomette22]

GIRL HELP, now we are both in the club of people whose caring for Miquella reached its FULL form because of the DLC hfgfjgdbh I think what I've lacked this whole time was a coherent idea on what his imperfections and flaws were! Because "well you see Bewitching Branch is kinda fucked up concept" didn't give me enough. And I feel like I've struck gold with the whole thing of him not being able to accept Radahn's character development and nature as a warrior. It is soooooo wrong and reminded me of one of the ways to look at Gehrman.

It took me a few weeks but finally me 🤝 you at having the time of our fandom lives with Miquella now

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?! Yeah it's quite crazy. We took our sweet time but here we are! 🤝

I mean maybe I wasn't way too much invest in elden ring because of the huge bloodborne brain rot taking all my time too 😂 But also Elden Ring is really a lot to digest! You and I really like details and to care about every lil guys! In Bloodborne even if there's lot of characters it stays limited while in Elden Ring it's just SO enormous O_O there's too much and yeah I didn't got that savage brain rot yet while just playing the game a year ago+

And I knew dlc was coming so I guess I didn't get too much invested either? Or at least it was inconsciently.

So yes during and after the dlc and after digesting everything I somehow really learn like Miquella! We know way more now and idk but it's even more interesting now!

Before dlc I saw him like : poor lil guy tried smt to become a god (pls don't it's gonna be bad) screw up really big time & he's dead now 😔 you tried your best... he was too good for this world rip

But now it's more develop! there's actually a following to that! he didn't just fail big time! for now😰

I said a few weeks ago I was gonna wait to finish the dlc and then speak about Miquella and what I think of everything. Well maybe I will do a separate post later but I think it's finally time.

So let's dive in (warning spoilers shadow of the Erdtree DLC)

I know it's a bit of mess between people thinking "I was right he's the ultimate evil!!! He's like Griffith!" (what 💀)"and people being very mad at other or distraught by it bc now this get shown into their face while they were just happy with Miquella being a kind lil guy, to good or pure for this world... I want to believe many people are actually very middle ground on this but hm yeah smt it's not good and quite extreme.

But if that can help (at least I will try here ) with everything we got I might have an interpretation that I hope, could help out a few people. I can't say I'm right, I'm probably far from it but I appreciate what I deduced and put together a lot! (in my head but still) It made me really like and invest more in Miquella character now! And it make me at peace with what the dlc brought to the table. I can accept that more well now. That made everything have more sense and made Miquella really have a bittersweet/tragic path & ending. And I am ok with that and I think others could be as well.

I like Miquella I think he was mostly good, the kindest between this darker lands. But he needed to changed, to grow to succeed in his goals right? Because he got stuck. But by growing up, discarding parts of himself to be a "better version" of himself that would succeed & become a god is what eventually doomed him in the end :

Miquella discarding part of himself tragedy.

This is just so sad and tragic. But it might be oblivious. He wasn't "strong enough" in his current position/eternal childhood etc So he probably thought that make the sacrifice to become a god would succeed in the end. A necessary sacrifice...that he would be stronger able to finally obtain his goals... But by doing that he loose everything that made him himself... without realising it... he abandoned everything. And the more he abandoned, the more he didn't realised he was loosing himself what he cared about... and how it was a mistake. (I suppose that Marika might have gone through the same thing now...)

Trina realised it at some point. That it was wrong,t hat it wouldn't work anyway perhaps. Is it really worth it? Is it really gonna work? Probably not... But it's too late to go back now. She knew Miquella before everything would probably not approve of what he became... of the dangerosity of what he could be...

That just... sorry it's just so tragic I don't know how to express it sadden me so much...

Bewitching people :

We already knew that he somehow "bewitch people" but it wasn't very explained in base game and really up to interpretations. Now we know more. And it sparks a lot of things...

I completely agree that you know, half mind control people and changed people thoughts and individuality, personality etc hm it's bad. it's no good to control masses. BUT but, I can kinda understand why Miquella did it! And I'm gonna try to explain that now.

Ok, imagine you're Miquella. You're trying to get people to join your cause. Of course like for exemple the crab hunter or farmer have other things to do than join your cause so sure you let them be. But then imagine you talk with smn and then they just hate you and is going to say shit to everyone about you and then they're gonna try kick your ass. Wouldn't it be better, even if that's bad on paper, to bewitching them? make allies your enemies?

You can't reason with some people at time even if you try everything, sadly. You can either go away or fight or ask a competent authority to stop them. But if you had a way for them to magically stop wanting to harm you and become more friendly / on your side wouldn't you use it?

Like it's bad but I can understand why Miq did it. But of course forcing people who were neutral bc you think "you're better" is hm... not great too... but it's not clear how much it happened and what went though he's mind. He probably thought it was a good thing. But no but can we blame him for trying to have better world?

And it's still not clear how his mind age but I do think he still have lot of quality/default of what any child mind have. He probably didn't see the wrong of everyone becoming allies and use kindness not violence to it. A child mind (mostly) is innocence, optimistic etc I do think he lost a lot by discarding parts but it has it's backsides. An adult would be more incline to find solution and act accordingly to treat but loose a lot of "childhood good sides" as well. it's quite complicated but nothing is perfect in this. You wanna agin smt you loose another you can't have everything and life's not black & white.

Also about Mogh. Yes he's not fuck up like that! But I understand why Miq bewitching him. Hm Mohg, maybe would have just kill Miquella to get his amazing blood for whatever purpose with the formless mother anyway. So of course Miquella did that to try to gain a potential ally that in other case is very dangerous for him. But still I think Miquella had to improvise after Mogh took him and then when the cocoon didn't work. Yeah I still think Mogh has a LOT of issues. He's not a saint and I don't think it went well with Miquella's plan to have been taken by him.

Radahn thoughts:

I mean I'm still a bit like : wu wut what but why??!!?!? confusion

But it's a bit better now XD I swear if the devs originally had another idea I'm gonna be mad! But it can maybe made a bit of sense. I don't really have much thoughts bc I'm still confuse about it but I think understand the point.

Radahn, when younger, was probably all the noble qualities that had Godfrey.

And Miq was probably like : When Godfrey was Elden Lord it was the golden age everything was great! Nothing was wrong! The lands between had stability. Radahn have the potentiel to be like Godfrey!

Also Radahn : Let's conquer and make war like lord Godrey!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean yeah everything was great between stability and war 😅 so jkefjf help like I can understand ou need smn to fight of ennemies just in case but Miquella that's not gonna work. Like at some point there's pb. Like who you consider anomy.. should you reprimand everyone?? Like Marika and her cycle of violence?! dzbkdsfbhkbhkld

Also I wonder if the great runes didn't made many demigods "change" as well. It gave them more power and maybe it screw their mind too. (And when Miquella great runes break the bewitching spells stop so..... before he got the runes maybe he never used that. And maybe that's why Radahn changed so much too) Power really does change people hm?

So anyway sorry idk if I succeed to organise everything coherently XD I tried. So yes I think Miquella is nuanced but was mostly good because of many conditions and he tried to fix everything but loses everything in the end... by discarding who he really was... a necessary sacrifice, that would ultimately fail...

I got very emotional after beating the final boss and going one last time to Trina. I really cried a lot. Because it's freaking sad. All the sacrifices in vain... they deserved so much but the world was cruel.

And even if we did nothing. What change? Nothing. He never came back in the lands between if we finish the main game. Did you abandoned everything Miquella? Did it not work out? Or like should we blame the poor devs. Idk it's very confusing now. The lands between still a mess, the lands of shadow too. He never came back...

The only ray of hope is us, the tarnished to try to make a better world for everyone. The one they couldn't make themselves...

(Ok so hope make sense 😅 and maybe it will put everything in a new light for people and give them a hand! I got way more invested and happy! Even if that's sad. I started to imaging little story and headcanons about his childhood I would never have before... it's confusing but if I am right the devs succeed! good job)

[only-by-the-stars]

Fic Promo: Song of a Champion

Now that @spacelemon has put up that amazing promo vid of the Mipha's Grace mod, it feels like a good time to do a little self-promo of my own, for something that I promise is related (otherwise I wouldn't be mentioning the vid; I am doing so in hopes of helping to get more eyeballs on it): a fic I've been writing since 2022, that is both inspired by and based on the mod. I've been lucky enough to have been allowed to play early versions of it, and was inspired to write a fic that retells BOTW with Mipha as the lead, taking cues from many plot points and armor redesigns present in the mod. If that's not enough to entice you, then please read on for my list of things that you might enjoy about this fic!

It's about Mipha Judging by the results of my poll, a lot of you like reading about Mipha! I've written a LOT about her over the past few years, but this is my most in-depth exploration of her yet. It's entirely centered on her, delving deep into her thoughts and feelings and exploring the myriad aspects of her personality as we follow her journey. Instead of Link waking up on the Great Plateau without his memories and being handed the responsibility of saving Hyrule, it's Mipha who must walk this path; unlike in the base game, she's not a fridged love interest for Link to be sad about, she's an active heroine in her own right with a monumental task ahead of her from the moment she wakes up, not to mention a lot of questions. How did she get there? Can she do this? What--and who--has she forgotten in her century-long slumber? How will she find her way in this strange new world she awakens to? What kind of bonds will she forge with the people she meets along her way? All these and more are tackled in great depth as she goes on her adventure, setting out with, initially, little more than her own courage, determination, and compassion. I've been told by many people that I write their favorite Mipha, and though this isn't my first time giving her a starring role, I fully believe this is my best character work for her so far. I've given her so much to do and act on and react to, exploring her rich inner life and personality and character FAR beyond just shipping stuff, and developed a lot of really fun friendships for her and gone heavy on her familial relationships as well. There is miphlink, but it's only one aspect, and Mipha herself is the shining star at the heart of everything.

2. It takes inspiration from Wind Waker Mainly, the concept of a character who is not the chosen one stepping up and proving themselves worthy and going on to save Hyrule. If you, like me, enjoyed that aspect of Wind Waker, then you'll like this story!

3. It plays with the lore in fun ways Do you like the older bits of lore from pre-Skyward Sword games? Like the Golden Goddesses and other deities? Then you'll like the bits of it I've weaved in!

4. It treats the NPCs with care, love, and nuance One of the things I'm proudest of about this story, that I've gotten praise from others for, is how the various NPCs are written. I've treated them all like people in their own right, who all have their own rich inner lives, schedules, interests, priorities, and feelings that don't revolve around the protagonist. Mipha befriends most of them, yes, but that's because she treats them with compassion and kindness too. Nobody is shallow here, I've gone to great pains to illustrate a world filled with people all living their own lives that intersect with Mipha's journey in various ways, and allowed people to just be human and make mistakes and have doubts but ultimately just be people. There's a lot of emphasis on Mipha's relationships with her family, and I've certainly won praise for my depiction of these dynamics, but also a ton of friendships being formed and explored, and people have told me that I made certain characters interesting and likable to them where the game failed to do so.

5. It has awesome fight scenes BOTW is a game with a lot of combat, so anyone novelizing it better be good at writing that kind of scene. Fortunately, I am! This is an action-packed story, not just for its own sake, but to show the dangerous world Mipha is traveling through and the challenges she has to face as she ventures into each Divine Beast and cleanses them of their respective Blights. I write really fast-paced action that also shows the characters' mindsets while fighting, and strikes a balance between showing off their strengths and that they're up to the challenge, while also respecting their opponents and demonstrating why the Champions of a hundred years ago fell to these things, why NPCs fear certain monsters. And speaking of respecting opponents, I've taken stuff from Age of Calamity as well as some of my own inventions, to beef up the boss fights, a certain area, and make every Divine Beast threatening (we all know how scary Medoh wasn't in-game).

6. It has beautiful prose/descriptions But you don't have to just take my word for it! Here's a sample from the rough draft of chapter 42!

Shards of light drifted across her floor, leaves caught in the current of clouds flowing over the moon. Mipha took a moment to watch them before closing the door behind herself. The water in her sleeping pool murmured a melody of rest and relaxation after a long day, calling her to it, but she ignored it for now. She’d done all her preparations for tomorrow, downed a warm elixir crafted from a few hearty lizards, and now only one thing remained to do before going to bed. It wasn’t a need, as the other tasks had been, but a want. Nothing wrong with that. She crossed the room to the old chest that lay tucked beneath her window, opening the lid with a whining creak from the aged hinges. A folded length of fabric the color of spilt starlight lay atop the item she sought; Mipha moved it aside. Her breath catching, she withdrew the armor beneath and held it up to the softly swaying illumination of the moon outside and the luminous stone lamps within.

All in all, I think this fic is some of my best work, and shouldn't be missed if you're a Mipha fan like I am (she is my favorite Zora, so if it's okay I'd like to use this as a belated submission for that Zora May prompt). She truly is the star of the show, with so much to offer as a lead character, moving through a world treated with depth and care. If you're in the market for a BOTW retelling that does something different, something no other retelling has done, and does it really well, then give it a chance! You can read it here on AO3. :3

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #35 | 09.26.23

Hi everyone!

Hope the beginning of Fall has been kind to you all <3 To be Frank, it has not been Kind to me LMFAO. But I'll get into that, so let's dive in yippee!

Before I do, someone liked this post recently, which was such a throwback. It was before the full demo was out and everything!! I was so young and full of life. I'm going to sprinkle some comparison shots of the new assets with the old ones to break up the text and also walk down memory lane with me! (Full GUI not shown as I'm still waiting on the assets)

Chapter Cards (Left: After | Right: Before)

The "Progress"

I'm going to structure this devlog a little differently from the usual template. The main reason being, for those of you who didn't see, I have not been feeling Myself recently.

This month I found myself all out of sorts. While I felt like I was making progress and doing so much everyday read: fighting for my life, when I looked back on things at the end of this month, I didn't feel like I really did much.

On a higher level, I finished fulfilling Kickstarter physical rewards, opened a Kofi shop of the remaining merch, edited Druk's route and continued writing Etza's route, updated assets and code for the updated demo, and then general commission stuff (BGs from Vui, soundtracks from Peter, etc.).

But overall, Alaris felt largely like it was kinda sitting at around the same spot as it did when I entered this month. Which made me a little sad! I had wanted to make So Much Progress on Alaris because next month I won't be able to work on it really. Then, I realized I haven't taken a break from game development since I started it two years ago HA!!!

The Real Progress

Development for me has been back-to-back. Chapter releases every 1-2 months during my first half year of development, Full Demo release shortly after, Kickstarter shortly after, Full Game Development shortly after. When I was feeling burnt out from Alaris, I made intertwine. Then I was Heavily Involved in the development of two games shortly after.

All of this on top of my IRL responsibilities, which include a job, PhD school, and well, functioning as a normal human occasionally.

And then here we are at the end of September 2023, and I'm wondering why even though I creatively want to work on Alaris, I find my brain literally just getting too tired to think.

Etza CG (Left: After | Right: Before)

I think ever since the Kickstarter, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to consistently put out LOTS of updates for each monthly devlog. I don't want people to think I'm not working on things or I'm not committed to delivering after giving me their hard earned money. But now, with two years under my belt, I'm realizing that is... HMM maybe too high of a standard to put on myself for my first game ever. There are many much more seasoned developers than me who don't put that pressure on themselves (which is Good and Healthy).

So this month, I debated scrounging around and gathering all my crumbs to give you all a devlog that you'll be satisfied with. But I decided ultimately that wouldn't be good for me and would honestly not be the most transparent way to present the current process of things.

And so. Here I am. Head in my Hands. Letting you all know that while I'm not "burnt out," I am.... only human LOL (one human at that). And so some months, like this one, will just not have much progress to report. Not because I'm not working on it or any other deeper reason. But because it's physically impossible and unreasonable for me to be continuously pushing out a steady stream of content.

In-Game Sprites & BGs (Left: After | Right: Before)

Next month, I'lll be taking a vacation. It's actually my first Big, Official one in a Long Time! I'm very excited for it. And while I did initially think about working on Alaris while I was traveling on trains or things like that, I decided to respect my own need to be a Human and just take a break for once in my life. I don't even want to say I Might work on things, because that sentiment alone will pressure me to make some progress. So yes. Next month, there will be no devlog or updates. But please rest assured, I am "working on Alaris" by letting myself just Exist and Rest Up!

Not an Alaris screenshot but it is market research that deserves to be included because I played House in Fata Morgana recently and it was Phenomenal!

Thank you all for understanding and your continued support. I'm extremely appreciative to have such a kind and patient community. Hope you all have a wonderful October filled with Fall Treats, and I'll see you in November! <3

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - all these kisses Korea, are you feeling okay?

Entirely subjective yadda yadda. Organized sorta by favs in each category.

Sept 2023 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 5 of 12 - I did think the sketch was done AFTER they’d become lovers. Meanwhile, I do enjoy the creepy slipping through time moments, adds nicely to the tension. I’m sublimely uninterested in all the hets but that's normal for me. Bit of a slow episode, but I'm looking forward to next week. 

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Cohabitation trope activated. Also "lovable grandma" is a new BL archetype I can get behind. Honestly PerthChimon's dynamic is good, it’s fun to watch a Thai BL where the leads are actually both stellar actors. There’s no stilted awkwardness to their dialogue back & forth or other interactions. I also like having MarcPuwin back on my screen. NO DAMN SINGING. Finally a fun twist on the faen fatale. 

Hidden Agenda (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - I like that we’re seeing actual realistic consequences of coming out. Not the big parental freak out, but the small nasties of opening up as an everyday queer. This is rare in BL.  

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 3 of 8 - Lap sitting, lots of kissing, one arm counter lift - thank you, boys. Stupid tiny dog (not a euphemism). Is it just me or does Max look extra pretty these days? Anygay, it’s all quite silly and I'm mildly enjoying it.  

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 11 of 12 - I remain enamored of Big Daddy & the Hot Doc but nothing else. 

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 3 of 10 eps - Their history and the consequences of the confession to their friendship all seems a little sad & cruel. But also it’s just this pulp, ya know? 

(10 points to the True Geek who gets that reference.)

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 6 of 10 - I want Mew’s moms’ story as a GL. (Not from this team, of course.) Ah even Sand can be a lying creep, best not to like anyone in this show... frankly, best just not to like this show. And ya know what, I'm pretty sure I really don't.

Could I make something clear? You can’t "steal a lover from someone." That's puerile thinking. That lover wants to go. It’s the lover’s fault (if anyone) not the one who stole that lover, no matter how much an asshole Top is. Sand’s ex is at fault, not Top. And screw Sand for thinking that way. Like his ex wasn't a whole person in their own right capable of making decisions?

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 3-4 Marry Go Round of 24 eps - The premise of this is dumb. The pair is fun. They still kiss great. The actors are good. Crap story. What can you do? Don’t watch it. 5/10 

I need to rewatch Destiny Seeker now. 

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - Omg. Too stupid to live. Why am I still watching this? How many more? Ugh. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Why R U? (Korea Wed iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - SaifahZon (no matter what country) are probably the softest enemies to lovers ever put on screen. Yes they are very cute and I like them better than the original. However, no one can out do ZeeSaint for the count down kiss on the rooftop. All in all, I enjoyed the final 2 eps, very cute. I liked this BL a lot but I’d love to know what somebody thought who hadn’t seen the original.

Ultimately, what can I say about Why R U? Korea?

Korea decided to remake, of all possible Thai BLs, Why RU? And that is exactly what we got: a short form, clean & pretty, uneven chemistry, slightly confusing, all the same tropes KBL that kind of cliff-noted the original but with none of the heat or complex relationship dynamics. I just … what world is this? Because it is BOTH bizarro land, and EXACTLY what I expected. How do I rate something like that? In the end I have to go back to simple questions: did I like it, would I rewatch it, and would I recommend it? Yes. Probably. And probably not. What the actual hell reality? 8/10 

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 1-2 of 10 - Office romance, broken-grumpy + innocent-sunshine. (Also cutie devil meets angel bestie hotties.) Gotta say, Taiwan is awfully good at moments of recognition. I sense some whipping boy and obsession incoming, looks good on you, Taiwan. Do I like it? Of course I like it! 

Kisseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 5 of 13(?) - Taiwan never met a trope it didn’t wanna play with. Teacher student + secret relationship, there’s only one bed but they slept together on the floor anyway... it’s a trope gum ball machine. I'm not mad, a bit confused, but who cares.

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - Uh-oh baby is sad. Yo is such a drama queen - I respect that in a boy. Also, I love it that W took it as and excuse to play Real Boyfriends. Also leaning v obsessive stalker there Japan. As expected you had to go there. Carry on, you do (and track on your creep app) you.

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - Ugh. I kind of enjoyed seeing Minato in pain and having to work for the relationship for a change. But that’s just because I’m so frustrated with his character this season and I want him to SUFFER. Sides are cute tho. I like them better this season. 

It's Airing But...

Crazy Handsome Rich (Sun Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - I just can’t. The sound. DNF 

Bump Up Business AKA Bump Up Project (Korea movie) original cinema release was 9/15 but MDL indicates it's been moved to October so I'll shift my dates. Last status update. Love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity from the same agency (based on a webtoon). Kpop boy group OnlyOneOf signed on to star. They’ve been auditioning for this since Libido IMHO. You can watch me chronicle their BL MV series in this post. It’s from Idol Romance who will do sad but can do good kisses (Wish You, Nobleman Ryu, Once Again, Kissable Lips, Poongduck 304, Tasty Florida, Tinted With You).

In case you missed it?

What Did You Eat Yesterday? is now available on Gaga. If you enjoyed Our Dining Table, you will enjoy this. 

I did a quick analysis of 2 different acting styles based on these 2 boys here.

Boyband, I finally watched the 6 eps that are available. It aired earlier this year and was hard to find. For good reason it turns out. Yes it’s about a Thai boyband so I skipped all the singing bits. I like the actor playing Juju (Brothers). Also hi Art, are you actually ageless? Lots of other familiar faces popped up like Copter, Max, Fluke. It actually started as a solid little story (if not much of a romance). The stuff with the organizers was v boring and there were 2 het sides but the rest of it was palatable. Operative word being was. Something happened around ep 3, like they lost funding as well as distribution and it just... fizzled. No real ending, no character dev, no story resolution, just blank. It’s like it DNF’d itself. 3/10 I don’t know what I just watched and neither does it. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still To Come In September

9/26 I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan ????) - Adapted from the manga, childhood best friends: The cool, smart one who’s good at everything, and his average, dorky friend who struggles. Always by the other’s side, but not together in the way they truly want to be. No matter how hard they try, their hearts cannot reach each other.

9/27 Absolute Zero (Thai iQIYI) - from 2021, Studio Wabi Sabi and New Siwaj finally bring us this “time loop to prevent tragedy” romance. We don’t always get HEAs from them, so I'm on my guard.

9/27 Bon Appetit (Korea iQIYI) - from 2022, 8 eps from GoGo Studio, romance between an office worker who lives off junk food and the man next door who cooks well.

9/? Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam YouTube?) - it's Vietnam so your guess is as good as mine.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Just look at the PRETTY! His makeup is flawless this series. I don't know who GMMTV hired new for makeup recently, but this ain't Thai style, this genius trained at the feet of Korea's finest. You keep that bitch (hon. gender nu) around, GMMTV, ya hear? (Hidden Agenda)

Gah, I love Yai so much. He tries so hard. He's such a sweet earnest character. He's like the angel-baby opposite of Chan (devil-baby) but they both my 2023 babies. (I Feel You Linger in the Air)

You know I love it when a BL gets meta about tropes. Here's Why R U?K calling out enemies to lovers.

Kabedon!

Yes we like all the snacks, thank you Korea. Your BL is basically snack food anyway. I'm not mad about it.

SWITCHES! I love it when we get this kinda thing. (All Why R U? Korea)

It me in all horror movies and whenever a boy starts to sing in a BL. (Venus in the Sky)

(Last week) 

[madroxed]

Fic Writer Interview

i was tagged (ages ago, oops) by the wonderful @lafaerie to do this 💖

i'll tag @jamesandanthony, @lavellenchanted, @shanastoryteller, @coyotesuspect, @doreyg & @floating-in-the-blue but zero pressure.

How many works do you have on ao3?

96 on my main and 22 on my secondary, but i've orphaned at least another, idk, 60? over the years, and there's some fics lost to the chasm of time that is livejournal and prior out there to never be found again.

What’s your total word count?

351,946

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

then you'll wake up, your left hand man, pocketful of sunshine, only by chance, when there's no ground. all are shadowhunters/mortal instruments fic, which is a surprise to exactly no one.

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

i do initially, and then i am terrible for not replying after a certain time which is something i'm working on. it's entirely an anxiety thing, and very silly, but if i don't answer right away i feel like it's too late? idk, i'm trying to be better at it.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i'm not known for my angst, let's be honest, so i'm going to put end of eras (haunting of hill house, luke & nell) here because it's hohh, angst is a given, and also mayyyyybe still my heart this moment and tell me you'll remember (both glee, sam/blaine) which also deal with character death but, like? in a not totally sad way? one's ghosts and one's immortality/reincarnation soooo. i think they count.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

as a happy ending truther, this could apply to practically all of them, but let's go with be in my book (bridgerton, penelope/benedict) which is about as fluffy a fic as they come.

Do you write crossovers?

i used to, back in the wild old days of comment ficathons and crossover comms on lj, but i haven't in years. definitely would, just would have to really think it through now.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

once that i can think of, which was very silly and obviously sent by someone who was deliberately reading fic they weren't going to enjoy.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have been known to, on very rare occasions. my most recently posted fic is actually 911 buck/tommy smut (find peace in the noise) which i wrote almost entirely because of the group chat. it's not necessarily my go-to, but if the mood strikes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, a couple.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not in years, but i used to co-write a lot with a friend in the lj days. i'm not fantastic at co-writing, if only because i am useless with time management.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

i'm not sure i have an answer to this. i sort of just collect ultimate otps and store them and they pile up, so i don't have just one. some i come back to more often than others, but i've definitely been in too many fandoms to have any less than a dozen.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

oh boy, yeah, any? all? i am notoriously bad about this. if i don't write a fic to completion and then post it, the chance of it getting finished are nil. i have one wip on my ao3 (build it better (the second time around), the order, knights poly) that i started before the second season had aired, and every part of me wants to finish it but...we'll see. maybe one day. the part written docs on my computer for dozens of other fics though? coin toss.

What are your writing strengths?

i think i'm pretty good at characterisation. i like how i write dialogue. i think i'm able to say a lot in few words. other than that, who knows. i have a blast with it most the time? that's definitely a strength.

What are your writing weaknesses?

actually sitting down and writing, let's be honest. but otherwise, long fic and plotting are definitely not things i'm great at. i'm trying to get better at extending my word count, but detailed plots still largely elude me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i try not to, as i am - alas - a lazy english speaker who never picked up another language remotely fluently. and no one trusts online translation tools.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

either buffy or hp, i can't remember exactly.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

i am currently working on some jack/kent (check please) fics (finally - they are one of the dozen that fits into that otp question), which feels terrifying because i love them so much. i also have a couple of stranger things fics i'm thinking about.

i'm notorious for dropping one fic in a fandom and then nothing else ever again, so i'll write for pretty much anything.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

though the truth may vary (shadowhunters, simon/raphael). (i actually started an author's favourites series on ao3 a while back which felt huge, and i've only put four fics in it, oops.)

[scruffyssketchbook]

RAMBLES OF A VERY TIRED AUTHOR CHAN #I lost track bro

Kind of random post, sorry!!! Might delete later 😋 idk

I originally said here that this wasn’t a vent post but it might be one after all oops. (I’m sorry I’m an over-sharer and this is my ramble blog.)

(Trigger Warning- grooming? Pedo behavior?)

So I think I mentioned this here before (like years before, idk), but there is this guy who has been stalking me for forever now or whatever. Like, he’s basically the reason I don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know on Discord and made it so only friends can message me, cause this man would pretend to be other people to talk to me. Anyways, on one of his MANY alts that he uses to send messages to me, he basically admitted to grooming me in the Pedo way when I was a minor!!! Fun 🥰🥰🥰🥰 (this is sarcasm)

But like, that literally explains SO MUCH OF THE THINGS IN SSEC, LIKE WHAT????

Like obviously I am not going in detail of the things that were in SSEC cause it makes me uncomfortable, but it does explain a lot of it, and seeing how afterwards I proceeded to get groomed by 2 other people back to back to BACK, LIKE. For one thing

I definitely feel like the tonal shift in the series was due to all of these events. Of course, I’m not going to get into every bad thing that happened to me due to being a naive girl making a stupid pokemon webcomic (sadly it’s a lot lol), but like, I didn’t even realize that I was groomed by multiple people until I was in my 20’s. (I mean, I am in my 20’s right now, but you know) and I literally was not aware that stalker man was being a pedo towards me when I was a minor until he admitted to me that he was being one- RECENTLY.

I do feel like how SSEC ultimately turned out was due to all of this. For the longest time, I was just surrounded by a lot of negativity. And, I kind of just kind of have the natural inclination to help people or be kind to people, and that ultimately just caused people to see that and use me over and over and over again, causing both the tonal shift in SSEC as well as me closing myself more and more off to people, which- really sucks honestly. (And only now I realize that that is literally the same thing that happened to Vay, wtf)

Like- I want friends. Nothing Romantic, no strings attached, no weird power dynamics, just PLATONIC friends. But I’m extremely shy and awkward, and ofc, extremely closed off ^^;;; So it’s pretty hard for that to happen, I guess.

But I suppose that is why I like/obsess about Box 31 so much.

Box 31 is basically just wish fulfillment for me.

Because, like. The only thing I’ve ever really wanted, the thing I have been looking for, for years, are friends. And, the whole story of box 31 are outcasts making friends, and supporting each other, and growing together, and that makes me very very happy.

Living vicariously through my characters!!! I want them to be happy, I want them to smile, I want others to smile too!!! I don’t want to keep drawing sad things, yeah I like drama, there will be drama in Box 31, but in ssec it’s just so endless. I always wanted the characters to be happy at the end, but where is that end if there is an endless sea of issues?

Idk. I just remember me being freshly 18, crying on the ground (cringe ik) to my way older roommate that I just wanted friends, and I wonder if things would have been better if someone just took my hand and became the friend I needed at the time instead of me becoming totally isolated and the stalker using that to get closer to me.

Idk 😋 as I said, might delete later 😋 just kinda a bit cringe lmao

I just wanna keep drawing my Stupid Silly Eeveelutions~ la la laa

Oh. Speaking of that actually.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

That was so beautifully written! I thought the line 'He wants to talk to his friends so desperately until conversation starts, then conversation exhausts him, and each kind word or piece of advice peels all of his raw wounds open and rubs them down with salt' so perfectly captured that feeling of feeling so sad, stuck and heartbroken that I think so many people can relate to (particularly as somebody who has struggled with depression for most of their life).

I can't wait to see their next interaction! Curious to know why James hasn't seemed to have acknowledged Lily's Frasier post, the fact he didn't mention it makes me very intrigued!

I was wondering what he meant when he said "he doesn't like Skylar all that much.", did he mean in a attraction sort of way or more generally? I really like the way you have written her as a character but have always felt that James has never been actually that invested in the friendship but let himself get carried along with it as he was too polite to say otherwise.

Thank you so very much you wonderful person! It's really nice to know that my perspective on heartbreak is relatable to others including yourself (although I am truly sorry for the reason why and wish you all of the love and healing that you deserve) as I was worried that I'd get "it's overdramatic" as feedback. I've only had my heart broken once before, but that was how I felt at the time, so I put it into words as best I could. It made me feel really good to read your words and I hope it makes you feel good to know how appreciated they are, and how validating it was to read them.

I have some answers for you! Re: the Frasier post, James didn't acknowledge it for the same reason that Lily didn't acknowledge his, because he couldn't satisfy himself 100% that it was meant for him. He also has a habit of being quite passive in general, a habit that the last act of this story (aka the act we're now in, now that it's "tomorrow") is going to see him working to change.

Re: Skylar, if James is honest with himself, the best thing he can say about Skylar is that he doesn't dislike her. She's a very forceful person who thinks she knows what everyone wants and needs and she assumed, without seeking confirmation, that he enjoyed her company so much purely because she enjoyed his. I remember reading an interview with Daniel Radcliffe where he said he worried a bit about Rupert Grint because if some random person asked Rupert to go to their house, he'd probably just agree to it, and that's James exactly. James has been agreeable and polite and, again, passive! His passivity affected his relationship with his mum because when he tired of her controlling behaviour he vanished on her rather than confront her, and his passivity led to Skylar snatching a much bigger role in his life than he ever would have chosen. But thanks to her he's becoming aware of it now, which is ultimately going to be great for him. She taught him a very valuable lesson, but that still doesn't mean he'd be overly psyched to spend time with her in future. He doesn't find her particularly fun.

(Remember in my opening author's note where I said that this fic was going to be short, quick and fluffy? Clearly I was setting myself up for embarrassment because I cannot stop myself from overthinking these crazy kids and their motivations. Oops?)

[ellsieee]

I'm really going to miss SWM despite the sad ending. The actors really did a great job with what they had and could do. I knew the accident was going to hurt me, and that it would be a OE, but I did not expect it to be more like a BE. More about that later. At least we got a whole episode of happy boys before all the shit hit the fan.

This scene really touched me. Su Yu pushes Wu Bi to achieve his dreams and is there to support him all the way. We also get another hint of what Wu Bi's time capsule wish is. My guess is that he wished for he, Su Yu and Doudou to always be together. Normally it's Wu Bi who is always saying he doesn't want to be separated from Su Yu, but this time, it's Su Yu telling Wu Bi not to leave him, pulling on Wu Bi's heartstrings. 🥹

Why does Wu Bi have a picture of his and Su Yu's epic bike ride framed? Did his mother draw that? Did he get the idea from her? Wu Bi, I have so many questions...

Su Yu wrote a wish card for Wu Bi too. 🥹 I am not ok. 😭

One last shout out to the shipper girl. She knows. 🤭 I'm glad they didn't write her as a crazy person, inserting herself into Wu Bi and Su Yu's relationship and doing a bunch of weird stuff to get them together.

Arghhhh the foreshadowing! When Su Yu said that, my heart filled with dread even though I already knew what was coming. No. They're going to ride their bike together forever ok. 😭

Wu Bi is so completely smitten with Su Yu. It's all heart eyes, all the time. They are so cute. Was this the reward Su Yu was talking about? I thought it would be something 🔞, but taking Wu Bi on a date might motivate him even more. I mean what kind of equestrian center has prince charming equestrian outfits? 🤭 I think they look great, but this totally looks like a date (Doudou is just there to make it look less gay).

Wait a minute... that's not what the director demonstrated! I wanted to see that peck on the lips! Please tell me they shot two versions and we'll see the uncut version later. 🙏

Psycho alert! 🚨 Mo Yi was hella creepy here. I was a bit scared he would actually hurt Su Yu. You can feel all the resentment he has for Su Yu. First his ex-gf wanted to be with Su Yu rather than him. Second, Wu Bi has chosen Su Yu over him and is acting like a little bitch towards him. Not defending him, but I honestly don't think Mo Yi would have felt such hatred and resentment if Wu Bi hadn't started being really rude and bratty towards him after falling in love with Su Yu.

The ultimate sacrifice. 😭 Wu Bi knew there was no way to stop the car safely so he chose to protect Su Yu by crashing the car on the driver's side. Even though I knew the accident was going to happen, it still hurt so much. Wu Bi will always protect Su Yu no matter what. I read some comments scolding Su Yu for sleeping even though he knew something was wrong with the car. My interpretation is that Su Yu wasn't sleeping, he was worried too, but he trusted Wu Bi completely, and Wu Bi told him to rest because he can handle it, so he did. The level of trust and confidence you need to have in your partner for that is just...

I didn't notice this the first time watching because I was too busy wailing, but Wu Bi hugged Su Yu to protect him. FUCK. 😭😭😭😭 For all the unreasonable jealousy and temper tantrums, Wu Bi really is the best boy.

This is so painful, I can't screencap bloody Wu Bi anymore. It killed me that Wu Bi woke up for a second to stare into Su Yu's eyes when Doudou called to complete their OT3, only to fall into a comma again.

Argh this ending! Is Wu Bi alive or dead? I didn't notice that the doctor nods a little when speaking to Su Yu the first time around. Doctors usually only nod when the operation was successful, so I guess Wu Bi is alive but what about the empty house? Only Wu Bi's stuff is still there, meaning that everyone left him? How is this not a BE? 😭

Of course this makes sense as a set up for a season 2 but I feel like they still could have given us a conclusion. Something like Wu Bi lives, but Su Yu left because he knew Mo Yi was crazy and he wanted to protect Wu Bi. Then the new season would be about how the boys find their way back to each other. It wasn't necessary to leave viewers hanging and heartbroken. 😢 And with 24 episodes of 30+ minutes runtime, I felt the team had enough time to tell a complete story. It shouldn't matter that book 1 of the novel ended like the series because the drama should stand on its own outside of the novel. Besides, wouldn't it have been safer just to film the whole thing at once to avoid the risk of not being allowed to film part 2?

There's a lot of doubt that S2 will actually happen, but someone asked Mo Yi's actor if there will be a 2nd season and he said that there should be. I'm not going to get my hopes up too much before there is official news that everyone is shooting again to spare myself any disappointment, but of course I am hoping for a second season. In the meantime, I hope cjd will release the uncut version of the series that she teased about before. I really do love this series so much even though I was disappointed with the ending. I'll have to treat SWM like MODC and skip the end. SWM only has 22 episodes. Yup. 🤡

[threecheersforinking]

Review: Boys Over Flowers

*this review will contain spoilers!*

Hi everyone! This is going to be an extremely long, unsolicited recap of all my thoughts about Boys Over Flowers. I don't know a single person in my real life who has watched this, so I'm using this blog as my space to infodump because this show has become my new hyperfixation. If anyone at all ends up reading this, I really appreciate it! But this is mostly entirely for myself lol.

As someone who is pretty deep into the shoujo anime world and just recently getting into kdramas, I have heard of this show in passing many times. Kkotboda Namja is referenced in Korean media a lot and Hana Yori Dango is lauded as a classic shoujo in the manga sphere, so I figured it might be good to watch the show just to be able to get all the references and consume a piece of shoujo history. Originally, I thought it would be a mindless watch that I might have to force myself to finish; I started off concerned about getting through 25 episodes, but in the end, I ended up wishing there were more lol.

I'm gonna be honest, when I first started watching it, I was like uhhh this is... kinda bad. especially in the beginning. But I became endeared to the quirks I originally criticized. The slow motion dramatic replay shots, the shaky camera, the questionable acting skills all are an essential part of the show itself.

In general, the story was more compelling than I was expecting. But the characters were undoubtedly the best part of the show for me. I always find myself getting attached to media where characters are the focus, and I believe that's why I enjoyed this so much. So I am going to go into each character a bit more in depth.

Thoughts on Jandi

As far as shoujo protagonists go, Jandi is pretty quintessential and standard. She is poor, she is hardworking, she is kind. We've all seen this before. But I always liked her, and she grew on me even more as the series went on. She has the ever-present shoujo 'hard working poor girl' trait, but the show took that to a more serious level than I was expecting. The arc where she had to essentially raise her little bother by herself forced her to mature so quickly, which felt very realistic to me.

I also really loved how much of a 'girl's girl' she was; as far as earlier episodes go, the episode that focused on Minji was one of my favorites. I loved how she called out those popular girls on their hypocrisy for criticizing Minji's plastic surgery when they've all had surgery themselves. She also was such a good friend to both Minji and Gaeul and a very strong, assertive person.

As far as her indecisiveness goes, that is kind of a requirement for being a shoujo protagonist in a love triangle, but it did still get on my nerves even though I was fully anticipating it.

Thoughts on F4 (ranked in order of how much I liked them)

Yijung

Yijung was my favorite F4 boy by far. I just thought he had the most interesting and complex backstory. His struggle with his parents was very humanizing and the way he handled it so poorly felt like a realistic response to that kind of trauma. Ultimately, he made bad choices, but in an understanding and forgivable way that made him complex, not unlikeable (unlike someone else... but more on that later).

Jihoo

Jihoo was another character I grew to be very fond of. I was interested in his backstory a lot too, and although we knew from the beginning that he experienced a tragic loss as a child, learning that he carried the guilt of thinking he killed his family for 15 years really gave extra context to his stoicness and sadness. His reunion arc with his grandfather brought me to tears several times, and it really gave his character a lot more depth. My biggest issue with Jihoo is that I felt like he was almost too perfect sometimes; it's why I liked the grandfather reunion arc so much, I thought it gave him some much needed flaws.

Junpyo

Speaking of flaws, look who it is! Obviously, I have a lot of conflicted feelings on Junpyo. As someone who is actually very open minded about redemption arcs, I didn't have too much of an issue with him being a bully at the beginning, but his, truthfully, abusive tendencies were such a turn off and felt completely unnecessary. Unlike Yijung, Junpyo's trauma/bad choices made him extremely unlikable and nearly unforgivable. The constant physical violence against completely innocent people and his unwillingness to listen to Jandi explain herself were hard to watch, knowing that he's one of the romantic leads that we're supposed to be rooting for. I also felt like until the final arc, any character development he had gotten just kept undoing itself every time he found a new thing to get angry about. Despite all this, I enjoyed what his character became towards the end of the story. I just wish it wasn't such a painful and unnecessary journey for him to finally become that way.

Woobin

Woobin was kind of a disappointing character in general; I can only assume that he was a bigger character in the manga and they just didn't have time to really develop him in the show, because that's pretty much the only valid explanation for his lack of substance. At the beginning of the show, Yijung and Woobin got less screentime than Junpyo/Jihoo did, but as Yijung started to get more development, Woobin became even more noticeably lacking. They threw in that one scene where he was stressing over being the son of a mafia boss or something (which felt completely out of left field by the way) but because it was the only scene where he was given any backstory it might as well not have existed at all. Overall, he was nice to Jandi and a good friend and I enjoyed him in all the F4 group scenes, I just wish he was a bit more of a fully developed character.

Other Characters

Before I get into the friend characters, I wanted to say that something I really loved about this show was how genuinely kind all the older female characters were to Jandi. For some reason I was expecting most of them to secretly be evil or mean but they were all extremely kindhearted and helpful people, which just made the viewing experience better. Even Minji, who was literally the only one who actually did turn out mean, was able to reconcile with Jandi and end their friendship on a neutral/positive note.

Gaeul

I loved Gaeul from the start, I thought she was so adorable and the perfect best friend character for a shoujo. I honestly wasn't even expecting her to be a fully fleshed-out secondary character in the show, I thought she would just be Jandi's coworker who she gossiped with on occasion. But the fact that she became such a major player in the story made me very happy. I also really loved her with Yijung and was practically screaming at the screen for them to get together, but more on that later.

Jaekyung

Jaekyung was interesting. She was a little ditzy and out of touch, but extremely kindhearted despite her wealthy background. I think her introduction into the show, which subsequently threw a curveball into the relationship of Jandi x Junpyo, came at a good time. I found it refreshing that she was always nice and friendly to Jandi, but also didn't want to give up on Junpyo just because Jandi liked him. My biggest issue with Jaekyung was that her concession at the end of the wedding felt a little out of left field, considering how adamant she had been previously about her pursuit of Junpyo. But based on the nature of her personality, I can see that being believable. I also wish she made another appearance after the wedding arc was over, but we didn't see her again after that :(

Junhee

Junhee was yet another character that I expected to be kind of bitchy/mean but who turned out to be extremely cool and nice. The literal only thing that bothered me about her was that I couldn't fathom how she and Junpyo were supposedly raised in the same home but turned out so different, lol. I guess it's a testament to how girls vs. boys were treated in their patriarchal household, but still jarring.

The Romance

I want to start off by saying that I'm someone who is ok with love triangles. I think there's a lot of people who are tired of them and don't like them, but I am okay with it so long as it's interesting.

That being said, when it comes to love triangles I think a lot of people conflate the character they like better with the character the protagonist very clearly wants more. To me (and to most people I'd assume) Jihoo was just overwhelmingly the better choice. I'd go as far as to say he's the objectively better choice. He was always a million times more kind and thoughtful than Junpyo and truly loved Jandi for almost the entire show. However, I could never fully see him being endgame because Jandi was simply more focused on Junpyo and had more history with him.

I know this is a hot take, but I actually really enjoy the 'bickering couple' trope. I think a little back and forth roasting of each other is fun and entertaining! But bickering is not the same thing as genuine cruelty and one sided bullying. Which is pretty much what was happening at the beginning of the story. However, by the time Junpyo finally mellowed out, I really grew to love his dynamic with Jandi. The teasing was just that; teasing, and not bullying anymore. I just wish there was about 200% more of that dynamic and 100% less of whatever the hell they were doing in the first 2/3rds of the show.

As for couples outside of the main trio, I was the BIGGEST Gaeul/Yijung shipper from the minute they first interacted. I cared way more about them than the main love triangle and was on the edge of my seat whenever they showed up. My biggest criticism of them though is that it took WAY too long. And believe me, I can handle a slow burn, but at a certain point it felt so dragged out that I almost stopped caring (it wasn't confirmed canon until the literal last 10 minutes of the whole show lol). Of course, I was still pleased, but man! Give me a break.

The Show In General

I think it became obvious to me early on that this is like, the mother of all shoujos. Most of the common shoujo tropes I mentioned in this review probably either originated or were popularized by both this show and the original manga. It really set a standard and became iconic, despite its many flaws.

(Side note, I hope I'm not in the wrong for still calling this kdrama a shoujo, I think it being based on a shoujo manga makes it a fair enough label but correct me if I'm wrong)

I also just started reading the manga and wow, they uh... toned some stuff down for the show didn't they? I do like it though, it's different. But I can definitely see why some changes were made from the manga to the show. So far out of all the characters, Jihoo and Junpyo's manga versions feel the most different from their kdrama equivalents, which is a bit surprising as they are the main characters. But we'll have to see if that changes as I get further in.

I also am aware of the several other adaptations of Hana Yori Dango such as the Japanese drama and Meteor Garden (although I am put off by the fact that it's 50+ episodes?? are they an hour long too? if so... I'm not sure about that one) but I knew Boys Over Flowers/Kkotboda Namja was the one I wanted to start with due to its popularity, and I think that was a good choice.

This is a 15 year old show but I know there is still somewhat of an active fanbase for it on here so if you're a hardcore Hana Yori Dango stan please go easy on me! These are just my opinions so take them with a grain of salt.

Anyway, if anyone ended up reading this to the end thank you for reading. I'm going to be posting more kdrama reviews on this blog that I promise will be way shorter. Bye!

-threecheersforinking

[moongothic]

Okay, here goes. What's your ultimate Crocodad timeline? You can go as wild or as believable as you want.

I mean I made this timeline chart/post/thing.

But if you meant it in a more "how do you think things actually went down" specific kinda way, uhhhhh. Great question, not sure I know how to answer. Like. The possibilities on what could've happened and how are nearly endless and all those options are so interesting to me. Even if there's ideas I feel like might be more likely than others, or I find myself more invested in some ideas, I can't fully like, dedicate myself to any specific idea for a plot point or a storybeat or anything, especially if there's nothing to suggest if anything even remotely similar could've happened.

Like, say for example, how did Crocodile and Dragon meet? There's literally infinite ways they could've met, to the point I'm not even really that interested in speculating on it, because more likely than not, any guess I make will probably be wrong. Like speculating about something like that feels almost pointless. Compare that to say, how did Luffy end up in Garp's care? While we know like nothing about what exactly happened, we do have any theoretical information (ex: Garp and Croc should not know about each other, meaning there must've been a third party to deliver the baby, and it's more than likely that was Dragon) that we can get to much more specific when speculating about what might've happened. Like there's still plenty of options, but the options are far fewer, which makes the speculation so much more interesting, for me at least

But at the same time, I don't want to get too fond of any idea in because Oda could still prove me wrong and debunk it and I'd be sad if I got like fond of a concept and I ended up being dead wrong lmao

Mind you, for me, a big part of the reason I'm invested in the theory to begin with IS the possibility of it being canon. Like yes Crocodad would and always will make for fun AU fanfics regardless of if it's canon or not. But I am here to more or less speculate about canon.

So between my brain treating Crocodad as this monstrous, gigantic flow chart, and me not wanting to get too attached to any potential path on the chart... Yeah I don't know what to tell you anon, I'm sorry

Like. Just as an example. On how my brain processes this shit.

(Sidenote, this chart is like under the assumption that Croc and Dragon had mutually agreed that their child would be put in the care of Dragon's father. And while that makes the most sense to me by a long shot, technically it's totally possible Luffy was taken away from Crocodile by force by Dragon or something else) (THERE'S SO MANY POTENTIAL THINGS THAT COULD'VE HAPPENED, AHHHHHHH)

Like here, I think the most likely canon scenarios would be the "Respectful Rejection" followed by "Too Stunned To Speak -> It's Bad" routes, though personally I might be most interested in the "It Was Really Bad" route because it'd be really fucked up and sad

So like. Yeah. I have no idea what my "ultimate Crocodad timeline" would be, there's too much room for speculation to the point anything specific would leave the room of Neutral Canon Speculation and just turn into a plain old fanfic, and I'm just here for theorizing

But hey if you wanted a fanfic, here's a TL:DR;

(You know I say this is a TL:DR; but this got so fucking long it almost broke this post. Like Tumblr would not let me save the draft or post it anymore because there's a 4k character limit to "blocks", I had to break this into chunks man)

If Crocodile was betrayed by his crew after losing to Whitebeard and had to kill them himself in self-defence;

Who the fuck knows, maybe by some twist of fate our wounded/dying, exhausted and traumatized Crocodile drifted in the sea and his ship ran into Dragon, the man rescuing Crocodile from the kindness of his heart or something IDK

If the dude had to kill his own crew immidiately after Whitebeard crushed his hopes and dreams, Crocodile must've been just absolutely shell shocked. Depressed and withdrawn, just out of it. So maybe Dragon being there could've been great for Croc's mental state. Maybe. Big maybe.

If Crocodile did turn out to be the Rev Army's Secret Sugar Daddy then perhaps this is how that relationship kind of started: Crocodile could've paid Dragon in cash money as thanks for saving his life, and then just kept the money coming since Dragon had an army to run and needed the funds

(Like we don't know why Crocodile joined the Shichibukai anyways, but if it was only ever for The Benefits of not having to deal with the Marines chasing his ass anymore and if he didn't give a rat's ass about the Government... Like yeah, why not fund the Revolutionary Army, give money to the people trying to directly take down the fuckers while right under their noses.) (Who knows maybe Croc does have his own reasons for hating the WG and had like a genuine reason beyond just being a petty king and/or having basic human decency in understanding why the WG was corrupt and needed to be overthrown)

Thus begins a secret comradery where Crocodile every now and then goes and drops off some money to Dragon to help fund the Army, nobody on either side of the war any wiser (except maybe Iva-chan, they're allowed to be in on the secret, as a treat). It's their secret that they keep for years

Time passes

Whoopsie poopsie Crocodile's prégónánté

The two realize that their kid is going to be in so much danger for a pletora of reasons and that neither can raise the baby. Dragon knows his father would keep their baby safe and they both agree to leaving the child to him (not a happy decision, it's just for the best, for everyone's sake)

Anyway Crocodile's gender dysphoria goes into turbo mode during pregnancy. Maybe he never really realized it was there and/or what it was, but boy howdy, it's there now and it's really really bad. Like, if it wasn't for the baby he might just kill himself (and god knows once the kid is out and taken away, there's not going to be anything to stop him from doing just that)

Crocodile must've gone into hiding during the latter half of his pregnancy to keep it a secret from the Government, and I could totally imagine him being hellbent on being completely isolated. He is a Shichibukai, everybody knows him, he can't risk having even some random doctor recognize him and find out about the baby. Besides, it's not like he can do much while hiding anyways, like he might as well read 150 medical books to ensure he can deliver his baby by himself

(Sidenote but the narrator in OP has called Fuusha Village Luffy's "birth place" (think the term he used was "umereta machi", lit. "town he was born in"), and if that's true, then. Croc should've been hiding in and/or near Fuusha Village in Goa Kingdom. Additional sidenote, there are wild crocodiles in Goa, which are the Sir's favorite food.)

To avoid suspicion and the risk of being found out, Dragon might've agreed to not go see Crocodile during this time, only agreeing to see his significant other after the child was born so he could then deliver the baby to Garp (after not just leaving the Marines but also starting a fucking revolutionary army, the dude probably didn't want his father to find out he had been dating a fucking WARLORD)

But surely he'd think Crocodile was insane if he thought he'd let Crocodile deliver the baby alone. Like no, somebody needs to be there by his side. Someone Dragon could trust, a fellow Revolutionary perhaps. Oh yeah, just send Ivankov, what could possibly go wrong

(Personal headcanon but since we don't know when Ivankov got their Fruit, I kind of want to imagine they ate it just a short time ago at this point and that they hadn't fully realized the potential of the Hormone Fruit yet. Like their genderfluid ass may not have understood the power they now held)

Iva-chan did not know Croc was prénánté, whether Dragon told Ivankov ahead of time why they were being sent to check on Croc is up or debate (if Iva-chan was aware of Croc being their Secret Sugar Daddy though then I'm sure they understood why Dragon wanted and was willing to help out Crocodile in this situation). Croc and/or Dragon probably lied through their teeth about the father of the child if Iva-chan ever asked about it, and whatever Iva-chan was told they clearly bought it since they never knew about Dragon having a kid.

When Iva gets there though they can see right away that something is fucking wrong with Crocodile, in ways even he can't understand. He is so uncomfortable 24/7 for seemingly no reason. So naturally Iva-chan pokes and prods at the dumbass until Croc has a break down and explains his weird feelings he can't even word properly and this is how Emporio Ivankov discovered transgenderism

What's that? You don't like what pregnancy has done to your body, doesn't feel like it's yours anymore? You feel love for your child but don't want to be its mother? Good news, you can be its father instead. Bad news, gotta wait until the baby is farted out. Aren't sure about it? No worries, there's time to think about it, and shit's 100% reversible anyways. Just hang in there for a little bit longer, you may feel god awful rn but that too shall pass

(Maybe this is how Iva-chan starts calling Crocodile "Crocoboy", just to get him to warm up to the idea that he could be(come) a man, get used to it etc)

Crocodile has an identity crisis of a lifetime. Like either he knew since he was a small child that something was fucky wucky, or he never realized it until now, either way, he must not have even been aware of the idea that he could trans his gender (which would make sense if Ivankov only recently got their Fruit just sayin'). So yeah. Enjoy that gender crisis, dumbass

Like he straight up just goes through the five stages of grief before he's like "god dammit if it'll make me feel less like I'll kill myself then it's worth a shot, don't care what Dragon ends up thinking"

At some point Croc must've contacted Dragon at least one final time just so they can agree on when and where they'll meet to hand over the baby once it's born (if Croc doesn't die at child birth. I mean they both know he'll be fine, Croc's survived worse. But if something did happen, Iva-chan will take care of the baby until Dragon arrives)

This is One Piece. Luffy was born at dawn.

Crocodile probably insists on getting the T literally immidiately after the baby is out. If he doesn't just pass out immidiately after giving birth. But like within 24 hours of giving birth. Iva-chan is probably like "Crocoboy you're exhausted, chill, your cooch needs to recover" and he's just like "why wait for it to recover when you're going to get rid of it, just do it"

(Iva-chan probably goes and gets Croc some emergency clothes and like bottles and baby food etc because god knows he's going to burst out of his old clothes and he ain't gonna have the tiddies to breastfeed that baby either)

Anyway he gets the rones and gets to enjoy gender euphoria for the first time in his life. Happy times, happy tears, a happy croc

Dude probably nearly shits himself when he tries to speak as he is now voiced by Ryuuzaburo Fucking Ootomo (even Iva-chan is like "HOLY SHIT your voice dropped") (like they probably agressively try to encourage Crocodile to speak more and let them hear that voice and Croc is like "ssssshhhhhhhhh stop yelling you'll wake up the baby!!")

Anyway he finally gets to fucking rest and relax and enjoy the sheer relief of not just being free of his dysphoria but also his baby boy being born and looking all healthy and happy. A happy dad

(If Crocodile was the first person Iva-chan helped transition, and under these circumstances specifically. I think seeing the guy and his sheer relief would give like Iva-chan a new mission in life. To help people like Croc)

(Ivankov: "It's like a great weight has been lifted off your chest... GET IT, 'CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TITS ANYMORE! HEEHAW!!" / 🐊: "If you wake up the baby I will skewer you")

Anyway if the Rev Army member stays with Crocodile for too long there's a risk of them getting found out and that'd be bad, so Iva-chan needs to GTFO (they have better things to do, like overthrow some governments and stuff). Also Crocodile needs to prepare because he can't have the Government wondering where the fuck he's been all these months much longer (god knows explaining his sudden manliness is going to be enough to deal with) and the kid needs to go into hiding. If Iva-chan asks where the child is going, Croc probably won't give a straight answer, just that there's a plan and he needs Ivankov to keep the baby a secret etc (perhaps that could be the blackmail Iva-chan brought up in Impel Down 🤔)

Crocodile gets to spend a little time with his baby boy (before and/or after Iva-chan leaves). Crocodiles (the animals) look after their babies for three months before they're on their own, so at most he stayed with his baby for three months, though I'd argue just 3 weeks, simply because that'd a painfully short amount of time that's just perfect for tragic storytelling

Perhaps that was the happiest time of Croc's life. No stupid Government to deal with, no pirates to fight, no villages to pillage. Just him and his beautiful baby boy. Not even the knowledge of knowing he'd have to say goodbye to his son forever would get in the way of his happiness at that moment.

(Did he ever think about what to name the child? Maybe Dragon had wanted Crocodile to name their child and Crocodile was supposed to think of something while expecting, before the baby was born. Or maybe, knowing he would never see that child again (until the Government blows up) he could not bring himself to think of a name. It'd be Dragon's father who'd look after the baby anyways, Dragon should name him)

Dragon comes. Either exactly at the agreed upon time, or perhaps a day early (dude was too excited and wanted to be with his wife and child, together as a family, even if it was for a day). Whenever he arrives;

See the chart earlier in the post

However things go down, Dragon and Crocodile go their separate ways. Crocodile leaves the island immidiately.

Well. I certainly became absolutely deranged writing this.

HOPE YOU FOUND THAT ENTERTAINING

[otakween]

Digimon Tamers - Episode 43

This episode was really good! Everything: animation, writing, pacing, was on point. Also, it was an Impmon heavy episode and those are usually pretty fun. Everyone loves a redeemed baddie, kinda like Ken in 02.

Notes:

So the D-reaper manifests in many ways we're finding out. Feels kind of weird to just call all of these creatures "D-reaper," I wonder if they have canonical names? I feel like they tried to go for a less lifelike design, which puts them apart from Digimon. Nice and mysterious. Guilmon treating them like friends was cute.

That bread baking scene was everything!! We rarely get glimpses of cute moments like that. Also, now I really want Japanese bread...

The scene where Chou-sensei helps Impmon out was super wholesome. Made me nostalgic for Japanese hospitality. I wonder if the general public would perceive Impmon to be a devil/demon or if that's too Christian lol

I get that the d-reaper doesn't have human reasoning, but I found it kind of funny that the kids hid in their classroom/the bakery (AKA exactly where you'd expect them to be). When Takato said he knew where to hide, I thought it would be the tunnels or something.

Everything about the Mako/Ai scenes was adorable. Impmon accidentally taught them a very important lesson about sharing when he ran away haha. Also, their dog is very cute.

Mako and Ai are called Impmon's "partners," which raises questions...we don't usually see humans share a digimon and they probably don't have digivices, so I'm guessing this is a more informal partnership than if they were tamers. I wonder how the three of them met. Mako and Ai seem young to even be into the digimon video game or TCG.

So now Ruki and Jian are physically connected to Taomon and Rapidmon, just like Takato's connected to MegaloGrowmon. That came outta nowhere...I mean, maybe they're closer now that they've digivolved to ultimate before, but Takato and Guilmon were connected before that.

The real world barrier to ultimate made a lot of sense and was a clever way to throw a wrench into things. Wonder how they'll get around it.

Beelzebumon digivolves to ultimate through THE POWER OF LOVE! Super cheesy, but I loved it. I am a little sad that his ultimate form is so basic though. Oh well. Hopefully Ai and Mako get to cheer him on through their TV.

Juri jumpscare! I had to rewind because I blinked and missed it. It's such a tiny frame it may as well have been subliminal. Very cool.

Shibumi returns to his former squad. I'm not sure how to feel about his voice actor. He talks very softly in a very non-anime sounding way. I kind of like it just because it's different.