#i am deluded

[kat-aa]

unfortunately for us all, the 2016 d*emon ph*ngirl still lurks within me, and she needs to be fed, so welcome to:

Kat (kinda jokingly, kinda not) Reads Into Things That Don't Need To Be Read Into (instead of doing something potentially productive with her life, such as her homework)

anyway. fair-warning. the mental connections here are gonna be nebulous at best, completely unhinged at worst. and they're light-hearted so don't be mad im joking. but here's what we're analyzing today:

arguably the cutest clip of the video, but there's a few random moments here that make me feel insane bc either i'm reading into things or they know and are phucking with us.

circumstances: so obviously tons of husband/marriage references in their recent videos, including the cursed "hide your hand they might see it" "what? the lack of wedding ring?" moment, which inevitably, leads the mind in certain directions, especially when its related to dan and phil, the two sneakiest people in the word

exhibit a: the hand grab/slap

like ok, sure, you could argue phil is just exerting "im-on-tour-energy" previously seen in tour videos, and you're probably right but i can't help but jump at the fact that that's dan's left hand AND one could say, given the aforementioned circumstances, that he's miming slapping a ring on it. AND HE MAKES DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH THE CAMERA WHILE HE DOES IT. which may seem like a stretch until we move on to-

exhibit b: "you thought you were getting my hand, i got yours bitch"

LIKE PLEASE I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE GETTING HUNG UP ON THE WORDING? like it just sounds like "getting/taking your hand in marriage" still think its a stretch? on to-

exhibit c: "that's how they do it in iceland"

yes, rationally, the last question they did was iceland related. but this is not the time, nor place, for rational thinking. and we know dan and phil lurk in places they don't belong (hey guys <3) so you can reasonably assume they know about the iceland wedding conspiracy thus,

the only natural conclusion is:

phil proposed to dan before dan could propose to phil (as such, resulting further in the support of exhibit b) along with the marginal importance of *gasp* -

exhibit d: "domination"

phil has asserted his dominance by proposing first :)

thanks for listening, tune in next week for further delusions sponsored by kat's procrastination <3

[valtsv]

that shitty thing some people do where they compliment something about you, only to take it back and reveal that it was meant to be a joke at your expense when you sincerely thank them for it, used to bother me until i realised that you can just. keep it. refuse to hand that power back to them. they are never prepared to deal with this.

[solbellaria]

Joel said if he could team up with anyone in the next life series it would be either lizzie, which he totally didn't accidentally leak will be in the next series just now or gem. That trio is literally my dream team I can't wait for the next season

[rhiimera]

guess who my favourite csm character is rn ......... heh

[coneheads-deserved-a-noble-prize]

When I first saw the Hazbin Hotel pilot, I knew Alastor would rise to the ranks of Tumblr Sexyman.

And I knew that he was going to be shipped every which way possible, but-

I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO BE THE FANDOMS DESIGNATED DOMMY POPPY?

I took one look at those little dear ears and wasp waist and thought- Oh! They are going to ruin him.

BUT APPARENTLY NOT?? Because EVERY other male character introduced has somehow managed to be MORE BABY GIRL???

----

For example:

VOX IS CONSTANTLY ARCHING IS BACK, LIKE HE'S BEGGING FOR IT.

He probably would too.

LUCIFER SEEMS TO BE BUILT FOR TOSSING AND TURNING LIKE A SMALL BEAN BAG??

(For all that's holy, he even won the Sluttiest Waist competition.)

I do not need to explain him.

----

These are just the most common people Alastor is paired with, and they ALL managed to out girly-pop him.

Vivienne must be punished for her sins.

[theswedishpajas]

Gay thoughts

[tanadrin]

Sounds like the DNC fully alienated the pro-Palestinian voting contingent. Combined with RFK jr. endorsing Trump and getting the right-wing crazies all on the same page, I imagine that's the election in the bag for him.

anon are you high

[erinwantstowrite]

the fact that lof was supposed to be 12 or 15 chapters long initially is so funny to me 😭

i lied to myself so hard. first it was 12 chapters. then it was 15. now we're looking at a potential of it being at LEAST 23. no not even that because we gotta get through a whole nother arc before the final one

[holyfreaks]

sorry but the "trying to get rid of us" part.... like we were here from literally day one. you came into OUR house and decided the show was about something that it's not. also, even if we weren't here from the beginning, we deserve to be here every bit as you do. why are you trying to gatekeep fandom, when it's always been for the freaks. especially on the incest family horror show

[aerequets]

WILL THE SMELL OF PROVOLONE EVER LEAVE MY HAND? WHAT DO I DO

[hiphopcherrrypop]

yaoi so good the shonen dudebros want it to be endgame too

[saintsenara]

Not disputing you ofc but do you remember the exact line about ron looking like bill perchance? I would love it for referencing purposes

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

and i am afraid that you're getting a more long-winded answer than you may have been hoping for...

male weasleys are split down the middle into two camps, physically:

charlie, fred, and george are described as being short and stocky [although "short" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, since they're all taller than harry: fred and george shrink when they take polyjuice potion to transform into him in deathly hallows].

the implication - i think - is that charlie and the twins look like molly, who is described several times as short and plump in build. ginny is also described numerous times in the books as short and is said in chapter thirty-three of order of the phoenix to resemble fred and george facially, which, since's she's described in deathly hallows as having her mother's brown eyes - which probably triggered some sort of freudian shudder in harry - means i think we can conclude that this half of the family all look their mam.

[and also that molly is a hottie herself. she often gets turned by the fandom into a fairly sexless being - even though she didn't have those seven children immaculately, did she? - with a strict, prudish vibe. and - to do some discourse for a moment - we all know that the fact that she's described as fat is the direct cause of this. but several men are canonically ready to risk it all for ginny - and it's time we all acknowledged this is because she inherited her bonafide baddie powers straight from molly.]

percy and ron - on the other hand - are, like arthur, described as being tall, thin, and gangly. bill is never explicitly said to be slender, but he is described in the fifth chapter of goblet of fire as "tall" immediately after harry has stated that charlie is short[ish] and broad - which allows us to reasonably infer that he's on the arthur-weasley-skinny-legend side of the family.

and we can also assume - since ron is never said to resemble molly, nor [to harry's great relief] ginny, facially - that his features - his long nose and blue eyes - come from his father, who is also the source of percy's short-sightedness.

and, while harry [the narrative perspective] never says that he thinks arthur is hot - because why would he? - nor percy and ron [although i think it's worth noting that he doesn't consider it ridiculous that both of them manage to pull - and it's never suggested that penelope clearwater and lavender brown aren't cuties] it's actually possible to justify the idea that they are canonically fit using more than pure hot air...

[harry does - obviously - think bill's a babe. he sees fleur checking him out and immediately thinks... same.]

because a very striking narrative choice that the series makes is the idea that all pureblood nuclear family units look identical to each other - which serves as a visual metaphor for the importance of blood-status and lineage within the wizarding world. this is why narcissa malfoy is as pale and blonde as lucius and draco [even though bellatrix and andromeda are dark haired] and why molly is a redhead even though red hair and freckles are stated in the text to be weasley - rather than prewett - traits. harry's resemblance to his pureblood father eases his passage through wizarding society. voldemort's lack of resemblance to his pureblood mother does the opposite.

the weasleys and the malfoys are narrative mirrors within the series - with the fact that ron and draco are both so near-identical to arthur and lucius as to be immediately identifiable as each man's son by anyone who meets them part of this mirroring. it makes sense, then, that since the non-ron weasley children don't have a specific malfoy mirror, the same general principle applies, and the three weasley brothers who are built like arthur also strongly resemble him facially - and that bill also has a long nose [and a long something else, i'll wager!] and a cracking pair of baby blues.

or that if bill is hot, arthur is hot - and therefore if arthur is hot, ron is hot.

[where bill outpaces his brothers, i fear, is that he clearly has rizz - whereas ron's seduction skills are famously weak before he gets his hands on a copy of twelve fail-safe ways to charm witches - i.e. when he cockblocks harry spectacularly by beefing with cho unprovoked about the quidditch team she supports, which always sends me - and percy is... percy.]

[if ron had simply played it cool he could have finessed going to the ball with fleur, and i'll die on that hill...]

[frogtrenchcoat]

everytime i remember almost no-one in the fandom seems to think guillermo de la cruz is ace i get so mad. it's partially about my own expectations bc watching the show i just sorta assumed everyone would bc it's so very obvious to me. like you can't tell me he was tryna come out as gay at that table lmao. he would not feel the need to make it into such a thing, they never expected him to be straight. coming out as asexual however? to these sex-obsessed vampires? of course he'd feel the need to explain and justify himself with a long speech, if he didn't they wouldn't believe him, they would not understand it as a real possibility. there's plenty of other stuff too that i don't remember specifically enough 2 talk about. also it just seems like poor media literacy to me. i can't say that with certainty cuz i don't actually know the writers' intentions either but to me it's rly just canon that he's ace. i know queerbaiting is an issue and we need explicit representation and in my ideal world he is explicitly stated to be asexual in a future episode of the show but im also a strong believer in not needing characters to look at the camera and state their identities for them to have those identities as a written part of their character.

[deputyrook]

trying to convince myself just to block people instead of starting arguments with them online

[scoobydoodean]

Bibros love to call anyone who disagrees with them about anything ✨delusionsal destiel shippers ✨ while they pompously throw around what are at best tenuously supported takes about the brothers bond but what are often just outright WRONG takes. I just had to read someone say Dean would wrap Cas’s own intestines around his neck and choke him to death to save Sam. Babygirl that isn’t the canon source material it’s your jerkoff fantasy stop demanding all of us collectively treat your kink as reality.

[shrikeseams]

You know what, while I’m being irrationally angry about how people interpret fiction differently than me, I would also like to rail against the interpretation that the Long Siege was passive, and not an active attempt to regain the silmarils.

CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THINKING THAT HUNDREDS OF YEARS OF SLOW GRINDING WARFARE IS PASSIVE. CAN YOU? It’s like saying that Gondor was passive and ambivalent about Mordor because they didn’t succeed in taking it out. BAFFLING.

Like, please stop and spend like, two minutes imagining how things would have gone for Beleriand if the sons of Feanor had pulled a Luthien. If they just snuck in to Angband, snatched the silmarils, and the fucked off out of the war effort forever because they got theirs.

How long d’you think it would take for Morgoth to flood forces through the entire eastern frontier? How long d’you think it would take until Doriath was actively under direct siege, without convenient Noldor buffer states on their flanks?

For that matter, how long do we think it would take for Morgoth to reclaim the silmarils, with the sons of Feanor get them without defeating Morgoth first?

How long do you think DORIATH would keep their silmaril, without the majority of the exiled Noldor standing between Doriath and Morgoth???

Luthien (and Beren) can do what they do because Luthien does not, as far as I can tell, actually take any interest in the well-being of the vast majority of people living in Beleriand. She is not a queen. She doesn’t seem to take any interest in politics. She doesn’t seem to take any interest in the well-being of the people of Doriath or Nargothrond, either! Luthien can get in and get out because she needs one (1) sparkling rock to convince her boyfriend that he can marry her honorably. She doesn’t need to worry about direct pursuit because she has the exiled noldor and her mom standing between her (and everyone she cares about) and the war.

THE SONS OF FEANOR DO NOT HAVE THAT LUXURY. If they want to claim the silmarils in a way that doesn’t fuck over everyone in their faction by drawing  direct, targeted attacks from Morgoth, they need to defeat Morgoth first. That is the only way for them to claim the silmarils sustainably. They are actually pursing their goal in the slow, safe, smart way.