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rouge-the-bat · 1 year ago

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i really do wonder what ppl who tout the "non-men loving non-men" definition of lesbian think about multigender people. do they EVER consider us? even a tiny bit? bc it certainly doesnt feel like it. it feels like any one of these situations:

they already dont think being multigender is a thing, and say shit like "you can only be a man, a woman, or nonbinary, not all of the above."

they quite literally dont think about how multigender people would work in relation to sexuality. they may claim to support us, but they dont pay attention to or care about the fact our gender identity ISNT just an isolated thing that has no affect or connection to anything else about us.

they look at my gender (genderfluid between woman, man, and many forms of nonbinary, more oftentimes a mix), and say oh well youre PARTIALLY a man in some way so that means you cant be a lesbian! so, basically my man-ness just "taints" me and negates the fact that im also a woman and nonbinary? what about the days where my genderfluidity contains no bit of man at all? can i only be a lesbian SOMETIMES?

they yell about non-men all they want, but see my gender and go, "oh not YOU though :) i mean people who are ONLY a man!" and not realize how that is 1. them not saying at all what they mean in their definition if still SOME men are okay and 2. extremely comes across as misgendering and that they dont see me as Actually a man if im not mono-gendered, regardless of their intention. if you are going to categorize people as "men or non-men" and try to fit me in only one or the other, you are misgendering me no matter what. non-men is not the same thing as non-mono-gendered-men.

and all of this also makes me wonder: what would these people think if they saw me in person, holding hands with my girlfriend?

for context: transmeds would 100% consider me a faker not only bc im genderfluid, use any pronouns (esp neos), and am without dysphoria (for gender anyways), but because theyd think im just cis. im afab with no hormone changes or surgery, nor do i want any (my ideal genitals being a dick or barbie-doll-smooth aside, since i dont care enough to do surgery about it, and any of my other gender ideals would require shapeshifting), i like my big boobs, AND im femme. my fat even adds to my curves. most people would probably read me as only a girl and not think twice about it, esp if im dressing up as femme as i like being at the time.

so, if these people shouting "non-men loving non-men" at those like me all the time ended up seeing me irl, what would they think? would they see im extremely femme and read as a girl while holding hands with my girlfriend (who isnt femme but still is easily read as a girl) and think oh yeah, thats a lesbian right there? because a huge part of me says that they absolutely would have no issue with it

who knows if anyone who swears up and down by the "non-men loving non-men" definition will actually read this, but i REALLY wish more people would actually hear out multigender folks and see how definitions like this are incompatible with us. think about how our identity doesnt exist in a vacuum. realize that plenty of us ARE lesbians no matter what anyone else says, and we do not abide to your """inclusive""" definition that actually doesnt consider our existence at all.

or at least realize identity labels dont have a one-size-fits-all definition in the vastness of queer experiences, that people are going to have definitions for things that are different from yours, and you dont hold the One True Right Definition. realize that definitions are not rules that are placed upon words, theyre explanations for how these words are being used across the world, through time, and vary from person, place, and time. definitions are fluid, not static, and many words have multiple definitions.

#lesbian #multigender #genderfluid #lesboy #genderfluid lesbian #multigender lesbian

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mr-nauseam · 12 days ago

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The Snow's love triangle not triangle

Another day without me learning to shut up so this is going to be a long one. Two warnings though, because I will talk superficially about not so nice topics like misogyny, homophobia, toxic masculinity, grooming and age gap. It is also important to remember that except for Tigris, I do find the Snow interesting but I have no sympathy for them and that is reflected in my headcanons although it shouldn't be a surprise anymore because every day I am insulting them.

Let's start. First a super quick recap of who the main characters in this drama are: Crassus. Julia. Cornelius and Aelia.

Crassus is our unloved annoying middle child. I think he is a brat in every definition, too arrogant for this life and too terrified of people knowing he is gay. Yes that is what makes him so repressed and aggressive.

In general he hates women so much it's ridiculous, not only because he was raised with these ideas that a woman can't be smarter and stronger than a man that make every time he meets a more capable woman he ends up feeling deeply humiliated. But because, as I said, he is actually aware that he is not attracted to them and feels very resentful towards them for the same reason. He thinks that somehow it is their fault and not his. This also makes Crassus afraid to associate himself with any trait he considers feminine and this is where his thing with Cornelius his younger brother comes in.

I don't think any of the stupid 3 or the Snow brothers are spared from being on the spectrum of toxic masculinity. Not even Marius who I think is the most prudent and cordial of the 3 but there is something about Cornelius that makes him quite indifferent to various issues that Crassus does have a heart attack over. For example. He tried horseback riding and had a female instructor. Those are the kind of details that would have Crassus making a fuss. Likewise it is notable to say Cornelius was very fond of the theater and operas. This is relevant for later.

Crassus hates Cornelius very much in a strange form of envy and feeling stronger because at least within the family Crassus is beneath many people. Not just his dumb older brother but a bunch of cousins and uncles who would never listen to him so Cornelius is pretty much like his only worthy person within his household that he can easily mistreat without receiving repercussions. And I say worthy person because Crassus probably mistreated others but didn't necessarily consider those people on the same level as him to care or feel satisfied about do that.

All of this I mentioned because it is relevant to understanding the Julia Snow disaster and how she ends up in their lives.

Julia Dorrance. Snow in the future. She is the mother of Coriolanus and as I said sometime in the past intentionally was made to mirror Lucy Gray, Sejanus and Livia Cardew. Lonely and fragile girl. Overly protected and pampered by her parents. With health problems.

A hyper-feminine lesbian who was never told that kissing girls was a possibility. The Snows as the worst lavender marriage was a joke that I later took too seriously for drama. Julia in this respect is a contrast to Crassus. While he too presents a hypermasculinized gender expression as I said he is painfully aware of the attraction he feels for other men. In his college years is in fact when he tries to explore some things in the Casca - Pluribus disaster to then close himself off and become even more conservative if possible.

Julia on the other hand never knew that she lacked an attraction towards men and that her too intense ties with other women could be romantic and sexual. She has no idea that her extreme admiration for other girls can be categorized that way and I firmly believe that in reality if someone had presented her with that option maybe things would have turned out very differently.

Julia likes to sing and I think she wore a lot of make-up and overly colorful dresses. She was quite nice and her singing is important because she loved musical plays and that obviously I think you can feel may already be relevant. Now we just need to explain a little bit about Aelia Mars and we can go quickly with the triangles.

So Aelia Mars is the cousin of the Snows. Tigris' mother. Not the only cousin they have but like I said she's relevant because she's marrying Marius. Speaking of connections to the fashion world and that it's a classic that powerful guys date with, I decided to make her a model.

She's kind of like a modern, "independent" girl who obviously Grandma Snow hated. I say independent in the sense that she bought her own apartment thanks to her job and actually may not have planned to have kids until then she ends up in that relationship with Marius who is like, yeah he was the smartest of the 3 and I think the least unbearable but he was very much a conservative and boring man.

Sadly Aelia and he genuinely liked each other so there's a theme of Aelia giving up all that independence to be the perfect wife to a Snow. And like 2 years after Tigris is born, the fool dies.

Yes yes Marius' death is the big drama but before we go with that let's go to Julia and the Snows. She meets Crassus through Casca since the Highbottoms and the Dorrance were friends and it happened that the 3 of them coincided in the same space and since she didn't know almost anyone she stuck to Casca and since Casca and Crassus spent all their time together, yes but she ends up getting involved with the Snows for a petty stupid joke.

Crassus as we know liked to make miserable the life of his little brother but he is an idiot who never thought what would bother Cornelius and he used himself as a reference, that is to say many of his jokes will only make him be mad LMAO. That's how at his 16 he have the great idea of made a playdate between his little brother and Julia because both were little children of 8 years. The "joke" was that Julia will bring dolls and other "girly things" to play. And that somehow should made Cornelius be MAD, OFFENDED. Clearly that don't happen, his little brother literal don't care about play with dolls, and he actually have a good time with Julia.

That marks the beginning of the end, because I think maybe to annoy Crassus, and because he really liked Julia, he will invite her back and Cornelius will end up becoming genuine friends with Julia, something that will unite them a lot is that they both liked the theater, I think it becomes a kind of habit that they follow every year to go together to a play. This is quite wholesome I must say but the problem with Cornelius and Julia becoming close is that the poor girl consequently had a lot of contact with Crassus.

I mean in the end they end up married for a reason, and yes, a lot of that has to do with grooming, because I think Crassus despite his aggressive misogyny, never hated Julia, I think she was quite impressed because Crassus is a jerk yes but he's the most athletic of the 3, he's very popular, “handsome” (I always say all Snow's are ugly hahaha but I guess he fit the typical beauty standard and had people who adored him), and actually to Julia is one of the few people he acts charming and “polite” to. She was very sincere about how much she thought Crassus was great so obviously he was going to like her, plus since Julia was practically a child, she was quite moldable, so it's no surprise Crassus had no problem dealing with a little girl who was easy to make happy by giving her compliments on her dresses.

There's a lot to why Crassus ends up choosing her, why he makes a conscious effort to make Julia like him but that's a topic for another day, what is relevant is that in the end Julia ends up married to Crassus. I think the fool's brother ever liked Julia? In the end they were friends, and my answer is yes. I also think that played a part, as I said Crassus liked to ruin things for his little brother too much, and I think Cornelius just resigned himself to it. And Julia? She never really liked any of them, it was just Crassus who made promises to her (which he never kept. All that stuff Casca says about swearing freedom and love, because that's usually an important part of grooming, Julia was often treated by everyone as if she couldn't take care of herself, and Crassus was the only one believing that she was actually mature and capable ah but that's not good because she was literally a child).

Too Crassus is the one who seemed most capable of protecting Julia, Cornelius is pretty weak if I'm honest, and despite everything, Crassus is going to believe that Julia is cheating on him with his brother, but that never happened. And now it's time to talk about the real cheating, or something like that, because nothing really happened but it did happen.

Crassus was about 27-26, when his brother dies. His fiancée was 16 and Tigris was actually 2 years old, when her mom lost it.

Marius is killed in a rebel plot, because I think d13 was screwing things up before declaring war completely, and the Snows had a monopoly, so obviously they were the main ones affected, but at the time no one knew that happened. It was just a "very unfortunate accident" that actually got them in a mess about their reputation, there was a big overblown funeral, and Tigris' mother gave a very public exposé of her grief.

Because that man was a loser like all the Snows but he was also her loser, and then there was that thing I mentioned about the things she sacrificed and how it all went down the drain. She's not a perfect wife anymore, she's a widow.

I think Aelia is going to neglect Tigris a little bit, just a little bit, nothing too serious, she's just going to end up spending more time with her nanny, and then there's Julia who is completely crazy, and in love. Aelia was a model, of course she saw her in magazines, on TV, and in big posters, I think Julia was very excited the first time she met her, and she always had this kind of deep admiration for Aelia.

And then they are family. Or they're going to be. Crassus asks for her hand, and then they go to the funeral together, and I think Julia was kind, and she's the one who cares the most about the woman who cried like that over a casket. So I won't say she's going to steal Tigris, but I think she liked children, and it influences the way everyone has treated Julia, (like a doll), and she thinks that is doing a good thing. She also want to help, so when Aelia is too busy avoiding her daughter (that looks a lot like her husband, or in her mind that was the case, I think Tigris was very similar to her own mother actually), Julia pop up, wanting to be a cool aunt, to help the woman she admires a lot, and takes Tigris to shopping, to the playground, to the theater, to many places. It's a pretty harmless activity and she doesn't do it all the time but she does it often enough that eventually Aelia gets annoyed, because in fact, she felt it in a way like Julia was trying to take her daughter away from her, there's a fight, and she basically yells at Julia who probably ended up crying.

But then Aelia feels bad, because Julia is really just a teenager? and she's like basically one of the few people who seems to show any real concern for her feelings? The thing is, this seals it. Because this is the cheating that happens, in a way.

Let's see I don't think Tigris' mother, is interested in dating someone thats a minor, and I think it takes a while for Julia to develop a crush in the full sense of the word, and one that's obvious enough but she end up there and Aelia notices it but never do nothing about it, because she possesses what I call the Snow flaw. Again Julia is honest about how much she believed Crassus is great, the same goes for she saying the same about Aelia, and Aelia's ego really enjoys those compliments and having someone who seems genuine, so from her perspective, they develop a friendship, almost sisterhood, that clearly can survive the fact Julia is attracted to her.

The years go by, and I think that once Coriolanus is born, the fact that he and Tigris were so close, comes a lot from his mother practically wanting them to be like siblings, something very normal, which clearly has nothing to do with how much in love she is with her sister-in-law lmao.

This affects the relationship between Julia and Crassus, because although he never liked Julia in that way, he really enjoyed that she “was madly in love with him”, so he did not take it well that with each day it is more obvious that she is not affected at all that he goes to the districts to do who knows what, of course Crassus you can go for a month and she will not lose sleep.

So he convinces himself that she is cheating on him. Because sure, that's the obvious answer, and it's not a total lie, for one thing, Julia is emotionally involved with someone and that person is not Crassus, but then again, it's not like there's really anything tangible going on between her and Aelia either, I don't think Julia is even aware that she wants a romantic relationship with her, actually, but Crassus more or less can see there's something off about Julia.

And since he's obviously Crassus, first dead before he would consider his wife would cheat on him with another woman, so he thought about it and thought about it and was like “oh sure it must be that bastard.” That bastard is clearly his younger brother, he even invented a plot about his son fatherhood because Coriolanus, Cornelius, are suspiciously similar names!

Nah is a joke, I mean, I call him Cornelius for that reason but in reality is that, we know the play exists within Panem, so I think completely Julia saw it, and she was the one who proposed the name and did everything to convince her husband, and Crassus always believed it was weird how much she wanted the name Coriolanus, and he remember then, his little brother and Julia have this thing of see plays together, so he made up all a shit in how JULIA CHEAT HIM AND WAS LAUGHING AT HIS BACK!!!!!!

And that is the triangle not triangle, as in theory there is Crassus-Aelia-Julia, but Crassus believes it is him, his brother and Julia. @meekmedea

#sorry for the loong rant #the snow family #my ocs #crassus snow #oc: julia snow #and the others #ballad of toxic yaoi

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slow-writer · 1 year ago

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TMAGP (and TMA, indirectly) Spoilers and Thoughts...

You have been warned...

I wasn't part of the original TMA crowd back when it was first airing. I'd heard mutterings of it, but never really thought much about it. To be honest, I probably wasn't mentally ready for it back then. Instead, my younger sister started listening to it last year and then kept talking about it until something she said made me go, "Y'know what? Okay. I'm in."

I ended up bingeing through it during work this past October, and holy sh*t. I fell down the rabbit hole hard. (Maybe, in this case, it would be more akin to running face first down those coffin stairs? I digress.) Being so new to it when everyone else had already been swallowed up by the sky, it was cool to dig into the Wikis that had already been made, to see the links and foreshadowing.

But now, it's the beginning of TMAGP, and I actually get to listen the day they release, to jump on here, or reddit, or tiktok, or wherever to be a part of the theorizing AS IT HAPPENS. And boy oh boy, I'm happier than Simon Fairchild in the stratosphere.

Do I have a notebook to jot down my thoughts as I listen? Of course, I do. Do I have multiple tabs open, some with ARG info, some with TMA info, and yet more with references to alchemical symbols and practices? Duh. Have I started my own spreadsheet for it all? Well, if you knew about my Lego Dimensions spreadsheet.... nevermind. Yes, I have.

But nothing beats being able to talk (or type) about it with other fans, like my sister, or those faceless avatars (lol) of the interwebs. And man, has my brain been CHURNING.

First, let me get out of the way that I wasn't able to take part in the ARG as it was happening, and my goodness! I'm so happy there are other people out there like me who were able to sum up and load it up for the rest of us to learn about. No idea how much of it will be *necessary* to unlock all the secrets, but I'm the kind who loves to know trivia just cos. And the details I am learning definitely pull me deeper.

Second, I feel like in the beginning of TMA, there was barely anything for the listeners to dig through. One guy working on behalf of an organization, trying to dig through seemingly implausible and overly spooktastic first-hand statements dating back centuries that are in crazy disarray from the previous archivist, and he's laying on a hefty helping of "this is utter balderdash, complete poppycock, and absolute piffle" opinion. It was a slow burn, something that (as an American, and being exposed to so much more instant gratification in storytelling than necessary) UK storytellers seem to be experts in, and was even more expertly done in this case, since so many little things had to eventually build up without listeners automatically assuming what would happen next, without them getting bored.

But TMAGP is already so full of so much extra stuff, so many little things (even before it was released) that we may all get BURIED in the sheer amount of data we think is vital. We're not listening to tapes this time, we're definitely listening via internet-connected devices, like computers, mobile phones, and security cameras. So, while TMA had old tape recorders magically appearing (or were they being dragged by hordes of spiders?) and switching themselves on so they could hear all the random happenings within the archive, TMAGP is no longer reliant on such hand-wavery. Whatever/whoever is listening can do so from anywhere to anyone they want. That makes the world of TMAGP

SO MUCH BIGGER.

Third, I know not everyone who listens to these things is like me (or, let's face it: us--there are so many fans doing regular deep dives on here, we should have our own categorization on the wiki). There are bound to be listeners who just leave everything at face value and wait for the story to unfold itself organically, and when it's done, it's done. But even as an adolescent, when I got into something, I did my best to listen to, watch, or read everything I could find on that very niche thing. At least for a while. (Hello, undiagnosed ADHD!)

So, I watched/listened to a couple interviews and Q&As regarding the new show prior to release. And while both Alex and Jonny have been clear saying you don't have to have listened to TMA to enjoy TMAGP, I kind of think just saying that is leading us TMA fans in a very specific direction. And I think it's very intentional, and that a lot of fans either haven't heard about it yet, or are choosing to ignore it.

They say that TMAGP is tangentially related to TMA in that there will be familiar themes, but

it's taking place in a completely different universe from TMA;

time in TMA worked differently (especially during the Entity Torturepalooza in S5) towards the end, so dates of events there may not line up with dates or events in this universe; and

the main or overarching theme is different.

In TMA, the story was "what makes a monster a monster?" As in, is there a line one crosses that they can't return from? Is it a physical manifestation, like it alters their appearance? Is it an action they have to take? And does that action have to be done willingly, or can it be coerced? Does becoming the monster to protect someone else, or to achieve a greater good... does any of that matter?

In TMAGP, they've already said that the story will be "what makes a person a person?"

The implications of that sentence are many and mind-boggling.

I first thought it had something to do with the idea of the humane (not human): kindness, empathy, compassion. The ties that bind us together as people (like being fans of a little horror podcast from across the pond) could be part of this.

But, now that we have 5 episodes out, and a metaphorical army of lore-deep-divers digging through every word and sound effect and episode title, I think we can truly start to figure out where we're heading.

Artificial Intelligence.

It struck me as I was re-listening to the first episode this morning. (I really am trying to fill out my spreadsheet in a semi-logical manner and with as many pertinent details as possible, really. That's the main reason I was doing that this morning. At least, that's what I tell myself.) We are hearing all these happenings over web-connected devices (don't think I don't see you, Alex and Jonny, and your oh-so-hilarious punning!), the OIAR employees are working on a modified business-forward version of Windows NT 4.0 that precedes Windows 95 that has a name that we interpret as 'Freddy' (or Freddie, depending on where you are in the transcripts), one of the documents from the ARG was a spreadsheet called 'Klaus' (which IS the name of the former IT guy Gwen's asking about because she heard/saw young Lena arguing with him), and we have at least 3 text-to-speech "voices" that Alice has given names (Chester, Norris, and Augustus).

All of that was running through my brain, and then I heard this passage within the first few minutes of the episode:

LENA - Nonsense. Sam is the only one who has had any cake so far. GWEN - And that was only because you practically forced it down his throat. SAM - No, no, it was… nice. LENA - People like chocolate cake.

People like chocolate cake? She didn't even ask her employees (all 5 of them at that time) what flavor they'd prefer, or if they'd want something else? No. She just knows a fact that "people" like chocolate cake, so of course, her employees--who are people--would like chocolate cake.

Almost like a computer following a logic-based workflow, perhaps?

Lots of people have been trying to figure out who in the office is the Big Bad, and many are saying Gwen just because of her ambition and her last name (Bouchard), but I think her name is a red herring. Others are saying Alice knows more than she lets on (and so many are hating on her, and I will NOT ABIDE THE ALICE DYER SHADE because I love her and I would very probably hide bodies for her) but I agree that certain things she's said are a little sus, though they really could just be her personality. I really have known some women like her, and they are some of my favorite people. (Plus, the fact that we now know that she's the most tenured employee at the OIAR--save possibly Lena--does make the brain churn some more.)

But with this line about chocolate cake, and how she was unable to join them at the pub, and how we haven't had a scene with her outside of the OIAR office, it makes me think that Lena might just be part code.

[Let me also add this really quick: I've seen A LOT of people trying to make the current episodes fit into Smirke's 14 +Dekker's 1, but I don't think the Entities as we codified them are what we're dealing with in this universe. I think trying to link everything back to that show will be a lot of wasted thought, because as they said, this isn't a direct sequel. (Do I think it's actually Jon, Martin, and Jonah--yes, Jonah, not Jurgen--trapped in the computer system? A bit, but it won't shatter my appreciation if the voices are something else entirely.)

Plus, I've seen others saying that the statements we've heard, while creepy, aren't all necessarily to do with fear. Most of them are about desires and obsessions.

The woman who wanted so desperately to see her dead husband again that she'd get scammed over and over to possibly resurrect him;

the person who wanted to spelunk an 'unsolved' site to the point of crime;

the woman who wanted to finally feel comfortable in her skin to the point of disfiguring herself;

the man who wanted so badly to climb out of his assigned station and achieve fame that he'd regularly 'feed' his violin blood from other people;

and the man who wanted to feel the same terror he felt when watching scary movies with his dad when he was a kid to the point of chasing down 'borderline illegal films' and ignoring LITERALLY ALL the red flags to the end.

I think that theory is the closest to what we may actually encounter.]

I've seen others on reddit saying they think that this series will be about the race to create the philosopher's stone--the stone that creates the elixir of life and, essentially, immortality. I think it's a valid idea. But, what if it went further than that?

Because with all the alchemical hints dropping in the show's logo, the ARG, and the 3-category system to the statements (yes, I'm keeping track) that could make one think of the spirit, the mind, and the body in alchemy....

What if they're trying to create life from software?

What if these entities or desires or whatevers have been working through some ancient busted code, feeding off statements from "real" humans experiencing strong emotions, watching the employees that work with it every single night, so they can create something as close to a human as possible from just wires and 3 decades of unreadable code?

Oh lord... it just occurred to me that--due to this being a HORROR podcast--they might need to collect a skin suit for the Not Quite Human. Is that what happened to Klaus? Ick. And now I'm hoping I'm wrong.

#the magnus protocol #tma #the magnus archives #tmagp #rant post #theory

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miscreantahead · 1 year ago

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Back on Tuesday when episode 4 dropped I had some thoughts about how the "fears" are going to work in this universe. Personally I'm operating under the belief that these are the same entities that could have been destroyed in the TMA universe and got pulled into this new one, but as many have already stated, that doesn't mean they have to be (and at this point I'm thinking definitely are not) the "fears" as we know them.

Something I keep coming back to is Leitner's talk of an eye a hand and a boot attacking an anthill and the ants not perceiving that it was all attacked to one larger assailant. This was about the avatars, but considering we have so little confirmed about what the entities we used to call the fears actually are, and considering the eyepocolypse couldn't happen without all of them coming through... what if this time, it's all one big horrible thing? Or, more accurately, to some degree, always has been? Obviously they can't be one individual as we perceive the concept of a singular individual otherwise the Web wouldn't have defected and there wouldn't have been a power structure with the eye, but off the hand I think of like organs in a single body, like the eye became the brain and the Web's shenanigans was liver failure.

Part of what supports that for me is the guy who gave the narrator the violin. The violin itself has obvious slaughter vibes. The man who gave it to him felt very beholding. And he also had a bag of various artifacts that could have done things that we'd associate with certain fears the way we knew them in TMA. Sure, he could just be a Leitner/Salesa, collecting various artifacts related to the powers, but the thing that sets this guy apart of from those two is that they never handed them out. So far, like the post I just reblogged before typing this one said, the cases don't come off like there's much fear involved, or at least they don't end in a place of fear. My sort of whackadoo theory right now is that what happened in the TMA universe has educated these entities (or possibly entity) in some way on what needs to be done in order for them to cross the threshold and take over their new reality like they did previously. Assuming they're capable of learning that is, and I know some things in TMA sort of seemed to imply they're not (but in my mind it's more like huge portions of their existence aren't perceivable to us and likewise much of ours fly under their radar and so I think they could have gathered something, just not anything that would have been perceptible enough for any of us or the characters to understand.) I mean, if you think about how fumbling the attempts for them to cross through were, and the way someone who was essentially human had to be the one to figure it all out (and took thousands of years to do so and let's face it got REALLY lucky that everything finally went his way like if you think about all of the things that could have gone wrong for Jonah, how many times Jon could have died, how many times the next 100 Jons would have to be put in a situation where they could die. The chances of him actually winning were so fucking slim, it was a tough order and he delivered and who's to say anyone would be able to again) and open the right door you'd think they'd be inclined to overhaul their methods. I think the entities still feed on fear, but I think they want the same thing it had before, it's done settling for scraps. I think when it was defeated and sent to live on the outskirts again it got a little pissed off, and I think it's going for a different approach to try and make that happen again. Obviously I might be humanizing the Things too much, I probably am, but I'm also kind of like... if they have manifested in a completely different way in this universe made up of the same meat sacks as the last one, like not just different "categorizations" and "presentations" but different motivations and focuses... it seems like it could be due to it learning from experience. Which is nice and terrifying :-). Another thing I think a lot about is how the fuck would any other power winning have worked in the TMA universe? The eye worked because it wanted to see everyone's suffering, it let the other fears do their dirty work because it wanted to watch. If any other fear had taken the lead, how would the others have functioned? The end probably would have accelerated the death of all of them just like Oli's s5 musings went on about, and the rest would have done some crazy shit making no room for anyone else's priorities because they have no reason to. There's a reason the brain has to be in charge, maybe Jonah Magnus even knew that and it's why he settled on beholding?

#the magnus protocol #i had to get this off my chest #tmagp

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1lostsoul0fishbowl · 2 months ago

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here’s the rest of that steve chapter especially for you @the-unforgivenn since you wanted more! 😘

(part one is here if you missed it)

“I gotta say, I’ve been threatened with plenty of violence over the last couple weeks, but you’re the first one who’s actually hit first and asked questions later.” Gareth huffs out a sharp, angry sigh. “You gonna give me ‘the talk’, now, too? ‘Cause believe me, there’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already heard from Eddie and Chief Hopper and my sister and Max and Dustin… you’ve already demonstrated remarkably well that if I break her heart you’ll break some other part of my body. I wish I knew why everyone’s already expecting me to break her heart though.”

Steve remembers all too well how it felt to be the guy who nobody thought deserved to be with the amazing girl.

Gareth gingerly prods at his nose. “Jesus, that hurts. Look, I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure I never break Janie’s heart. I know we’re both way too young and we don’t know anything about life or how the world works or any of that shit but I don’t care, man, I love her. If I ever broke her heart I would die before any of you could actually kill me.” He scoffs. “What am I telling you all this for? What would you know about it? You dated a different girl every month in high school. I’m not like you, man, I’m not used to actually getting the girl that I want. But now that I did there isn’t anything that would convince me to let her go. And if I screw things up I’ll go ask Janie to help me fix them without anyone needing to come in and kick my ass to make me, because that’s bullshit.”

It bursts out, filling the room, bouncing and reverberating off the cold echo of tile. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. It knocks the wind out of Steve, punching him in the gut just as hard as he’d punched Gareth in the face. Bullshit.

“I’m sorry,” Steve gasps. “I’m so sorry.”

Without waiting for a reply, he bolts.

He’s not crying, when Dustin and Max find him shivering outside the club’s back door. He is definitively and categorically not crying. He’s just getting some fresh air after a heavy conversation stirred up some bad memories. There’s nothing wrong with fresh crisp night air. Maybe the cold is making his eyes water a little, but that’s all. That’s all it is.

“Finally! We’ve been looking all over for you,” Dustin shouts, rushing to his side, and there— at last— there’s the hug he’s been waiting for. And if he muffles a few soft sobs in Dustin’s curly hair, well, nobody else has to know that.

“Steve,” Max says gently, “I never thought I’d find myself actually quoting Eddie, but… what the actual fuck, dude. What happened to you in there?”

“I don’t know,” he groans. “I don’t know! It’s like I’m not back to my own mind yet, I’m still in Parent Pleasing Mode. I acted like they would’ve, and I hate it. I hate them.”

“If you hate them so much, why’d you even bother going to all those boring parties and doing all that stupid stuff they wanted you to do?” Dustin inquires, and it’s not an unreasonable question, but the answer only makes sense to a few people in a certain way. Max looks like she understands, though Steve wishes she didn’t have to.

“It’s the only way I can get them to notice me at all,” he explains miserably, feeling incredibly foolish. “They didn’t come home because they missed me or wanted to see me. They came home because they needed something from me. And if I gave it to them, then at least for a little while, I wasn’t a disappointment to them.”

He can’t pretend he isn’t crying anymore. “But once they got what they needed they went ahead and left me anyway. They’re always leaving me behind. Everybody leaves me behind.” He hiccups, loud and embarrassing like a little kid, but he can’t even bring himself to care. “Nancy left me behind. Robin’s gonna be leaving me soon too, she might be transferring to University of Illinois Chicago starting in January instead of waiting til next fall. Even you guys are starting to leave me behind. I clearly have no idea what’s going on in your lives anymore, and why would I need to? You’ve got Eddie for that now. A cool big brother is much more fun than an uptight babysitter.” He hiccups again.

“Steve, don’t be ridiculous,” Dustin immediately protests. “Just because we hang out with Eddie doesn’t mean we forgot about you. You’re still my best friend! I’ll always need you around.”

“Since Robin’s inside, I’ll call you ‘dingus’ for her,” Max adds. “We love you, you big dingus. We can love both you and Eddie too, you know, you don’t have to be jealous of him.”

“I’m not!” Steve bursts out. “At least, I didn’t used to be. Maybe I am. When he first started hanging out with you guys and we were getting to be friends, I kinda thought, wow this guy’s as lost as I am. I thought it might be kinda cool if we could help each other figure life out. But he went ahead and got his life together without me, he found a job he loves and… he knows exactly where he’s going and I’m still just stuck at stupid Family Video. All of you guys know where you’re going and I feel like I never did. Except when I was with Nancy.”

“Nancy broke up with Jonathan,” Dustin (un)helpfully supplies.

“But she’d never in a million years come back to me. And she shouldn’t, y’know? I made everything in our relationship all about me. I didn’t look out for her the way I should’ve. Gareth already takes better care of El than I ever did of Nancy, and I punched him in the face for it. And I don’t know why I did that! I didn’t think I was that kind of guy, but maybe I am. I don’t know who I am. Maybe I never did.” He’s sobbing again, not even trying to hide it, and Max and Dustin are both holding him now, trying to soothe him, but he can’t calm down. “I don’t know who I am or what I want, and everyone else does, and you’re all gonna end up leaving me here alone.”

“Steve,” Dustin squeaks out, his voice hoarse since he’s begun to cry, too. “You’re my best friend. You’ll always be my best friend. I could never forget about you. None of us will ever leave you alone.”

“No way,” Max agrees. “And we love you for who you are, not what your job is or whatever college you might or might not get into. We love you because you’re our friend, you protect us and take care of us and even though you grump about being our babysitter you’re always here for all of us, no matter what. None of us could’ve survived the last few years without you. Not even Nancy. You looked after all of us, and you never left any of us behind, so how could we leave you?”

“We never could. We’d never want to.” Dustin sniffles. “You took me in when I didn’t have anybody else. You looked out for me and gave me advice and tried to help me make good decisions. And you listened to me, at a time when nobody else was. You made me feel like I was still important. I wanna do the same thing for you now, because you’re still one of the most important people in my life and you always will be.”

Steve, wrapped up warm in the middle of a tight squishy group hug— Dustin’s specialty— finally manages to get control of his tears again. He doesn’t feel cold or aloof anymore; he feels cozy and safe and, for the first time in a very long time, like it’s okay to simply be what he is in this moment. He draws in a deep breath, which he can’t remember the last time he was actually able to do.

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

#steve harrington #lost and lonely boy #gareth emerson #gareth stranger things #max mayfield #dustin henderson #losty can actually write

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quantumgender · 5 days ago

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Day 1 of @radiomogai 's Experiences Event!

How do you organize or categorize your identity? If you don't, why don't you?

When it comes to categorizing or organizing my identity, I like to organize all parts of my identity - mainly to make things easier for others to understand, but also so I can understand my own identities better and explore facets of myself that I may not have realized were important to me had I not focused on that part of myself.

For reference, here are my sexuality and gender pages on my blog, which I'll be referencing below.

I structure both of these pages at the top by emphasizing one singular identifying word that I think best encompasses the most important aspects of my identity - no matter how difficult that might be for a layperson to understand. So, I would describe myself as "quantumgender and ulexitian (currently says pearlian, needs to be changed)." this is what i consider the most "accurate" way to describe myself, as these singular terms, while being more obscure labels, have the most detailed and concise definitions. so, quantumgender describes a gendered experience where it looks as if your gender is singular and stable on the outside, but really it is a fluctuating conglomeration of multiple genders. This describes my gender experience very well. Ulexitian is a juvelic term that is used for a xenogender nonbinary man + woman who is attracted to men, women, nonbinary people, and xenogender people. I keep these terms at the top of my lists because they are my favorite, preferred terms when it comes to describing myself.

However, I don't introduce myself to everyone that way. Not everyone is lgbt+, and even less people would understand the terms "quantumgender and ulexitian" if i introduced myself as such with no definitions attached. And, honestly, sometimes i don't feel like providing those definitions or that level of detail when it comes to my identity. The way I view my identity, especially the more minute details and intricacies, is mostly for personal reflection.

That's why I consider the next part of categorizing my identity to be incredibly important - that would be my umbrella terminology, or the basic overview of my identity. When I introduce myself to a group of people and it's not specifically an lgbt+ space, I almost always introduce myself as "nonbinary (or genderqueer) and bi." It's perfectly fine if some people don't like to do this to their own gender, or consider it an oversimplification, but I find it useful and important. A term like nonbinary, to me, helps others understand what community I am a part of, where as quantumgender helps me understand the internal workings of my own identity. In some instances, it's more useful to identify in relation to a community rather than focus on my own more specific identifiers.

The same goes for my next layer of identity categorization, which for me would be synonyms. These are terms that are more popular than my preferred terms, but paint a more detailed picture of my identity. Calling myself "polygender (or polygenderflux) and mlm+wlw" is more detailed than just saying nonbinary and bi, but both descriptions are accurate to my identity. Typically, I use the term polygender when I introduce myself to other lgbt+ people, specifically other people who are familiar with nonbinary identities.

Polygender specifically emphasizes the fact that I have multiple genders, which to me is the most essential part of my identity. I feel like a lot of people who are familiar with nonbinary as a concept but don't talk to a lot of nonbinary people, consider the experience to be singular and simplistic - usually a neutral gender or the absence of gender altogether. By clarifying that I'm polygender, it lets people know that my gender is more complicated than that, and that I identify with multiple gender experiences, not just the one that they believe to be the most common for someone who looks like me.

And while I do use bi more often than I do mlm+wlw, I have started clarifying "mlm+wlw" more often in recent years. This is because I started to notice an uptick of people trying to gatekeep specific attraction experiences to "wlw and nblw only, don't interact if you're a man" or "mlm and nblm only, don't interact if you're a woman." While I'm not trying to call out anyone in particular (this is just a post talking about my identity, anyway), I started being more clear about the type of attraction I felt, specifically because I wanted more people to be aware that nonbinary experiences are not as simple as some people are led to believe, and that trying to limit the experiences of queer love in that way isn't possible. To be clear - I never broke anyone's DNI, and I didn't follow many blogs that posted these sorts of things in the first place - but being more open about my experiences could help others understand why this sort of exclusion isn't really as necessary as others may think.

The rest of the categorization on the pages I manage for my identity is kind of traditional, or at the very least easy to understand, I hope. When I start to really dig into my gender and sexuality, I describe different facets that make up each. For example, on my page about gender, I have different sections for man, girl, neurogender, and xenogender. That doesn't mean I consider these parts of myself intrinsically separate and distinct, never mixing or muddling - they're just like that because it's the easiest way to categorize things in my mind. Same for the subsections of xenogenders - I could rearrange them in multiple different ways, but they just make the most sense personally. Besides, for me - that type of organization isn't something I need or want to be super specific about. It's just for me, and that's something I hope more people grow to understand - that it's ok to call yourself different things around different people, or even leave parts of yourself just for you.

#⚡#decided to not put under a cut so it's more accessible

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polaroid-steam-room · 18 days ago

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for the gimme a character, what abt vanoss?

It's been a hot while since I made that reblog, so this was a (very nice) surprise, happy to answer nonetheless.

Not sure if Vanoss could be categorized as a "character", i.e. excluding his online "persona", but hey, I got thoughts anyway!

Sorry if this post is funky+huge, I'm pretty private/shy when I talk about my own thoughts and opinions verses hearing other folks out.

How I feel about Vanoss: Love him, hate him, he's a funny owl that can throw you off if you aren't familiar with his (recent) humor. As a viewer that can sometimes be the target of a joke or bit, I laugh at them as much as I do give an eye squint at (depending on & neutrally speaking). If I had to be honest about my immediate thoughts, Vanoss kinda comes off as a camera man that quips up from behind but is far from boring when he does. I like Vanoss because in my eyes, he is someone that enjoys a game or its moments with friends without having to commentate "just for the sake of"TM. That, and I find his kind of humor and commentary similar to mine sometimes, my favorite example is his, "Everybody remain calm. Go to your happy place."

https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxb_vUyLW7Uw5NXzrOvmHhKcBoq62Ep_PB?si=clkl_UI5kfmiFzWG

It's kinda obscure, as in, even my own little brother, who's watched all his videos back to front, will raise eyebrows at me even if it's recent. (On) top of making these idiolects Vanoss will do that I'll repeat on end, which can either infect my brother too or just remain an echo for a few weeks. Clearly, I'm a parrot counterpart to Vanoss, just training to take over his channel when he mysteriously dies (/j).

Shippings with Vanoss: I actually don't, mainly because a) I hold a huge Persona vs IRL mindset when it comes to shipping IRL folks, had it since sweet 2015, so it's definitely affect my perspective on it. And b) I don't know too many shippings with Vanoss (and I was on Wattpad and Quotev reading books on these guys back then, which says a lot.) that did stand out to me, minus the more popular H2OVanoss pairing. So, hey, if anyone seeing this posted some obscure Vanoss x pairing on those sites, chances are I definitely read it though. I may not ship the folks you write about, but I'd be damned if the prompt or potential went to waste in my eyes, I hear "hear me outs" for a reason. So, I get it, really get it, and I'll 400% read or look at art (especially when it COOKS), I just don't PERSONALLY ship anyone in the group. One guarantee is that I'll feen over any lovely art piece I see. It is a curse to love art and to not be normal about liking it. Am everyone's #1 supporter (AS LONG AS IT IS HEALTHY AND NOT CONTROVERSIAL OR WACKAWACKOS)

Friendship Duo pairings with Vanoss: That being said about my pervious point, with this one for me is H2O Delirious, Terroriser, Lui Calibre, and an odd one, BigJigglyPanda. With Delirious, he knows how to go along with a joke, or at the very least, knows with Vanoss something will be amidst with Elmer's glue and C4 wires covering their hands by the end of it. Him and Vanoss's dynamic is strong, and it's made proven when the other has a plan and egging the other to follow. At most, they're always looking for the other to be around and I think that really means a lot when you're given the opportunity to be with someone in a room full of others. The same -or similiar- thing can be said with Terroriser, I think the key difference is that Terroriser is easier to piss off/reactive compared to Delirious, when they're being messed with Vanoss. Another thing is their shared sense of humor and planning. When it's Delirious and Vanoss you could expect something annoying and inconvenient at most, the exact opposite of those two is straight Nuclear Destruction (/hj). Do NOT put these two in a room with explosives in game, they will rig it perfectly for the moment someone takes 4, specifically 4, steps into the room and desecrate the person in question. These two don't compare in light to Lui and Vanoss, my favorite duo pair for horror games. Vanoss is so terrified yet Lui is insanely collected (as one can be in a horror setting [seriously, go watch the "Dude I'm Not Scared" series]), but is enthusiastic enough to play with Vanoss. I think it works out, because (I think, take this as you will) I remember Terroriser saying something how he'd definitely get mad at Vanoss if he were to play a horror game with him. Either way, there's a sort of patience you gotta have, regardless if you play with a horror game with anyone in specific, and Lui being the main man to be there for Vanoss is great. I think which does point back to the more collected side of Lui when playing (excluding semi-jumpscares/jumpscares). Vanoss is Just Like Me FR TM, we would definitely not be scared but have our assigned guardian friend to be scared with if we got a horror game we want to play. For BigJigglyPanda, it's a more simple one, or at least, not as mouthy to talk about, maybe that's just me. But, I think you can very much tell how appreciated his presence is, not just by Vanoss himself, but basically the whole group. Panda makes plenty of crude jokes, but I think his delivery is what makes them great to me, on top of his own laugh, which gets its own fit of giggles out of the others, including Vanoss! I don't think there's ever much of a point where Vanoss didn't get a laugh by the Panda Man, minus if Vanoss was distracted or busy elsewhere. Maybe it's just me projecting, don't care, need more Panda Man (/lh).

My unpopular opinion on Vanoss: I think that Vanoss is an interesting kind of artist that I don't see too many folks talk about, but more specifically, the way he thinks. It's more because of my own empathy in how he wants to go about things from an angle he uniquely envisions. Maybe certain bits that need retakes, references that others don't get whether they're popular or not, expressing for more creative liberty and distaste when he is limited to be appropriate for a general audience (Alpha Betas), and, if I overthink it too hard, perfectionism. He has a vision, he wants the vision to work, but it's HARD to convey that to someone in a way that makes sense with either a limited vocabulary that can't describe it or isn't just, That FeelingTM. I think it's why (as I'm writing at this time), we haven't gotten a new album or single from his music persona, Rynx, is that he cares that it is good, but that it represents him, what his vision is, his art piece and craft that's uniquely his alone. (I'd say his thing of music videos is a semi-idea of that embodiment). If Vanoss ever became a director, I would not be surprised is all I'm saying, boy's got some creative juices in him and I get a decent impression of the mindset he has, or the vibe of, probably.

One thing I wish would happen with Vanoss: RYNX NEW SONG DROP PLEASEEEEE. Vanoss/Rynx is the only artist that I have ever listened to completely and actually actively want to hear more of than just passively like some other artists I follow. I have been patiently waiting for the last 4 years, going onto 2025 with no new music ;-;

Seriously, I genuinely enjoy the music he made, that's the only thing I want out of anything Vanoss might do. I don't doubt that he might post something soon... Maybe??? I don't know, I don't get my hopes up too much, all my Hollow Knight: Silksong homies would know the feeling, and I can't remember the last time he posted on his Instagram (on his personal acc) stories with him just stringing out his own tunes. I have repeated his songs so many times that he's gotten to my top 5 for three years on spotify, the man has a chokehold on me 😭

Closing thoughts: Not much besides he's been a childhood staple for me, I wouldn't change that part of my life if I was given the opportunity to. I love Vanoss and his gang, they've built some pieces of my humor and are the few youtubers from 2016 that keep me engaged with their videos. I know I ain't gonna stop watching them for a longgggg time that's for sure lol

Thank you for your ask! It was fun responding to this, though it's taken me a few days to properly format my thoughts into words. It was refreshing to type all this out, going from mobile to 'puter because all the fancy stuff (literally colors) would mold over the way my breakdown is built, definitely out of my own norm in a good way.

(UPDATE: so. uh. When I initially "finished" this response, it was two days, maybe? before Vanoss's music update post on his twitter account LMAOAO. My jaw physically dropped when I saw the post [courtesy of beepbananabus, because I do not have a twitt]. I wanted to get back to finish this response [I had a couple prompts WIP after I typed closing], got distracted as all good humans do, and remembered like a war flashback and am here now. Sorry for the wait, hope this was worth some of it at most, but I'm grateful nonetheless to have had this ask in my inbox and respond to! :})

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askgothamshitty · 4 months ago

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sorry if this ask is kind of loaded but I feel like I'm not radical enough, I know this is going to sound silly and maybe like bait but this has really been stressing me out 😅I'll see takes from TIRFs online who'll say stuff like "if I had a child and they were a boy I couldn't love them" or referring to men as "moids", or saying women with boyfriends/husbands can't be radfem, and I just don't see how that line of thinking is anything but reactionary, even if it's supposedly trans-inclusive? typing that out I feel like makes me sound like a bootlicker for men but I'm literally a man-hating lesbian..but then I see other people agreeing who I respect and I feel kind of crazy for disagreeing and I'm like...am I wrong for thinking this is reactionary, am I just defending men? but I can't understand how categorizing a group of people as inherently evil does not fall into biological essentialist rhetoric.

also counter-productively, as a lesbian, I feel like this just ends up hurting us instead of men, like men aren't going to care if they're predatory but a lot of what is said can be applied to us (for ex: the claim that all penetrative sex is abuse, although to my knowledge this isn't something that has actually been written in any feminist theory and is a misinterpretation of criticisms of cishet sex? I have only seen people online say this anyway) and I just get extra worried that I'm a predator...maybe I just think too much about what random strangers on the internet say idk lmfao😵‍💫

I’ve come across those types, too, and while I sympathize with their hatred of male violence and patriarchal culture, I do think the sentiments they share are ultimately reactionary. Even if they don’t outright say that “males” are born with some “evil gene”, their thinking leads them to the same place - that men are doomed to become oppressors and that relations between men/women can never be revolutionized. This line of thinking, in my opinion, is still functionally biodeterminist, and thus ends up being transmisogynistic. We can see that in the way they often argue that this damning process of “male socialization” also affects trans women since they were AMAB.

I would not say these people represent radical feminism as a whole, though. Most second wave thinkers did not come to the conclusions that we need to, say, ban straight women from feminism or abandon male children. Although they took the prevalence and influence of patriarchy seriously, they still had hope and believed feminism could ultimately change the misogynistic relations and ideologies that make men, men. And if these online radfems are saying things like, “all penetrative sex is rape”, then they’re indicating that they are simply ignorant of radical feminism, since Dworkin explicitly said this was not the conclusion to draw from her work.

As I said, I sympathize with the core feelings these women are dealing with, but their extreme nihilism and lack of faith in the revolutionizing power of feminism makes them ultimately disagreeable. Add in the fact that they adopt 4Chan slang (and sometimes berate male-attracted women with misogynistic language and slurs), and they can be very off-putting and offensive. So you’re definitely not wrong for (or alone in) feeling the way you do.

#cultfems

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winterpinetrees · 1 year ago

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The gap years part 3

June 10th 2019

San Francisco

Today on tumblr, winterpinetrees attempts to juggle four characters in a conversation.

..........

Clay knows proper gun safety. He knows how to safely navigate a lot of things. He’s pointed the barrel of his sleek science fiction rifle at the ground and his finger is off the trigger. He is the reason why Sierra didn’t get caught stealing batteries from one of her father’s R&D labs and why Brian didn’t get mauled by a bear back in Sophomore year. He has a first-aid kit and a satellite phone and has spent the last four years getting ready to run. So no, Clay isn’t particularly distressed that he probably just killed a man.

“Did we just kill that guy!” Sierra yells. They did. The armor on the soldier’s back crumpled like it was hit by a cannonball. Well, Brian and Clay did. He didn’t do much.

Brian crouches down and rolls the soldier over. There’s a fresh cut on his chest that’s staining his shirt red with a worrying amount of blood. “I-I think he’s dead.”

Sierra ignores him and wheels around at their acquaintance. “You’re an elf, aren’t you?”

Not-Martin leans against his quarterstaff. He has long ears and glowing eyes, but he doesn’t seem majestic or otherworldly. Clay noticed how confident he was back at the cafe, but that can just be a symptom of growing up rich. Maybe it’s just that the boy is wearing tan cargo pants and a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off that’s getting in the way of any awe. “Yes, we call ourselves elves. Well, that’s the current English translation.”

Brian looks up at Sierra “How the hell do you know anything about this.”

“Not important right now! Ten years ago, a top-secret laboratory in the Nevada desert was destroyed by a whole crew of glowing people wearing armor like that. The one in charge glowed green and kept teleporting or whatever the hell you were doing! I want to know what you are doing here, who just tried to kill us, and why we thought we knew you.”

Clay sits by the head of the soldier. He finds a few latches and manages to pull off their helmet. The face underneath looks male and about forty, with dark skin and features that Clay can’t easily categorize. He isn’t prepared for its empty, half-open eyes. He tries to keep his voice steady. “Sierra, don’t threaten him.”

The elf smiles, but it’s too wide and a bit strained. “It’s alright. My name is Prince Marin Sondaica. The leader of the attack in the desert was my mother, although, according to those soldiers, she’s been murdered.” His ears twitch downward. Oh yeah. He’s definitely not okay. “You thought that you knew me because I knew you’d never speak with a random stranger. I’d been watching you three for a while. I thought you were interesting.”

Immediate outrage.

Clay recovers first. He’s going to ignore the stalking for a minute and take this one step at a time. “You didn’t answer the question about the soldiers. What did they say to you?”

Marin hesitates a bit. Lying or just emotional? “They told me that there had been a coup. My parents were dead, and he was going to kill me as well. Elves don’t kill eachother while invisible. It’s not respectful”. He pauses. “If they’ve gotten bold enough to attack in public, then things are happening more quickly than we expected.”

Sierra puts her head in her hands. “You are so bad at giving exposition. What is happening quickly?”

Marin walks over to the side of the body. He retrieves his strange tardis bag and stares down at the soldier's face. “Global conquest is happening quickly. My family didn’t want to take over your world, but I guess the people got tired of waiting. The elven world… it is like Romeo and Juliet, except the two familes are far more powerful. I am a Sondaica, they work for the Mercuralis. The coup replaced my mother with a leader that would make war. You probably have a year or two before anything changes, but not much more.”

Clay honestly thinks that wouldn’t be so bad. “And how do we play into this?”

“You were never supposed to. I thought you three were interesting and I wanted to meet you. But then we were ambushed. That soldier was a nobleman. They’re not going to forget about this”. The elf looks down at Clay. “I’m sorry. I thought they would let you go when you ran. Now it’s too late”.

“So what, we’re just supposed to let you walk away and accept that we’re dead?” Brian asks. His face is red with anger, which is good, because it means that he hasn’t lost too much blood. “We’re geniuses and crazy rich. We’re going on this road trip already, why can’t you come with us? We’ll have a better chance of survival together, and you’re a prince! If your house-“

“Genus”

“If your genus controls half the world, then you’ve got to have allies. Coups are always complicated. If there’s half a chance that you can get your throne back and stop the Mercuralis from taking over the world, we have to try!” He rises up to his full height, which is a good half a foot taller than Marin.

“Wait, Brian, are you seriously saying that we go off on a quest to save the world?” He’s smiling a bit.

“I’d rather die fighting. At least like this we have a chance.”

Clay sits back on his heels. This was all typical Brian behavior, really. “We graduated high school last week. We have a fancy car and a lot of money, but that isn’t enough to overthrow a government. This isn’t Star Wars. Four people and a vehicle can’t defeat an entire empire”.

The elf stared down at him, but now it felt metaphorical instead of just physical. “You killed a nobleman, Clay Shepard. They are not going to forgive you.”

“I killed a nobleman in self-defense after being brainwashed by a renegade prince into traveling with him. We can walk away from this if we want to, and I’m not going to risk my life for you if you keep being this vague.” He glared at Marin. “How can I know that you aren’t using your magic on me right now?”

Marin shrugs off his question. “Mind control doesn’t last. You’d just hate me later. The truth is, I don’t want to die. You three are uniquely capable of keeping me alive, but only if you do it of your own free will”.

Clay isn’t going to die for a maybe-elf that he knows next to nothing about, but he does need his friends. He knows that Brian wis a golden retriever of a man who already bonded with their new friend. He knows that Sierra would never pass up a chance to see real magic, and that the entire idea for a road trip began with her. Either he helped his friends and they all died together, or he went home alone. Or he went back home and hoped that powerful people would ignore him.

“Fine. I’m in. Are we still going to Redwoods?”

..........

next time, Ishtar, Ryn, and their council discuss some problems.

@caliburn-the-sword @lokiwaffles hi! You rock and I think about you a lot! Thanks for stopping by.

#by me #the gap years #writing that *is*#my ocs #the road trip

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cheap-jumpscare · 7 months ago

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Welcome to Uta's blog population like 2.

helooo I'm Uta or several other names. I go by it/void and many other prns. check my prns.page >here< !!

read this very important thing written by my meowtual please, thanx :D

a lot more detailed info under the cutt ~

DISCLAIMERS ABT ME / BYF ;;

I say slurs (only those I can reclaim!)

I rarely am ever serious!

I can be very sensitive to rejection!

I'm very apathetic in regards to other people; I wish I wasn't!

I can be very harsh or rude on accident!

im basicallt INCAPABLE of processing if/when a joke is taken too far!! :(

Pls tell me if I fuck up i will not know :(

BASIC INFO ;;

diagnosed and medicated ADHD, peer-reviewed as "def autistic" by my autistic little sister and older brother, depression (or at least some of the symptoms)

divorced parents, adopted at birth!

in general there is something fundamentally wrong/silly abt me

i LOVE homestuck, hiveswap, ddlc, genshin, hsr, crk, cats, borzois, drawing, singing, gacha, voice acting, animation, rain world, etc. (hyperfixations r bold and italic like this!!)

i like spiritual stuff (shifting realities, subliminals, etc) and i may reblog stuff like that sometimes <3

i have a bf!!!! NOT ANYMORE /silly

my fav color; tie between red, black, n white. pink n yellow are very close shared-second places

im here to be gay and shitpost man

OTHER SOCIALS ;;

spacehey - cheapjumpscare noplace - hiveswap pesterchum - hollowClown spotify - uta ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ tiktok - qualia.automata

DNIS . . .

thin ice ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, but don't harass or fakeclaim people abt it (i have friends who are endo and they are very cool!!!!!)

post abt politics Regularly (stresses me tf out)

post abt religion christianity at ALL

if you were that one person who told me I was silencing asians by having a cute/pink/"kawaii" aesthetic blog on tumblr in like 2020. yes that was the actual reason. im being so forreal. /silly but also /gen on this being something that actually happened

DNFI (do not fcking interact) ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, and DO harass or fakeclaim people abt it

pro-contact / anti-recovery towards paraphilias

nsfw/kink/18+ centered blogs (i am a minor :/)

pro-harassment/anti-anti-harassment

doxx people or support those who do

believe/participate in cringe culture

pro 🇮🇱 or otherwise not pro 🇵🇸 (its a genocide mf)

^ post pictures of gore n dead kids in relation to the genoc¡de w/o tagging, censoring, or warning ANYYY of it (the reason i left twt)

im on your dni (respect your own gd dni)

RANDOM ASSORTED NONSENSE I THOUGHT WAS FUN !! ;;

my true zodiac is Pittarius !! [homestuck]

probably a

i tend to fixate on characters/whatever so hard i either Want to be them, believe i Am them, or both.

^ speaking of, at the bottom of this post is a list of stuff am that way about

^^ i should add here that the personality assigned doesnt contribute to this (though it certainly helps if i can go "THEY JUS LIKE ME FRR") i just. fixate so hard i go "mm i should be [whatever]" or "i mustve been [whatever] in a past life :D"

^^^ i am, most of the time, not under one of these episodes (idrk what else to call them but im not distressed rlly so shrug)

i barely ever remember to categorize things but i will remember for this blog i promise

ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS ;;

#shut up uta! - yapping. rambling even. general Posts tag. #definitely not stolen! - reblogs !~ #uta time travels (again!) - queue'd posts.. mostly going to be whatever im currently horrifically nuclear levels of autistic abt #uta; nobody needs to know this - TMI posts; complaining abt periods, personal life, etc. etc. etc. it can and will get weird here #uta hears voices part ??? - askbox....... #uta pls shut up fr this time - LIVEBLOGGING ~ #(not) uta; [ANY-CHARACTER-NAME-HERE] - for when i am Fixating So Hard On A Character That I /Gen Believe I AM Them. Temporary. pls humor me/play along /gen. #uta's sprites - Sometimes I post homestuck / hiveswap sprites! this is the tag for that :3

Characters / Things Uta sometimes IS (not exhaustive) ;;

italicized = more current / more likely to be this than not | bold = even more current | italicized & bold = almost always this

PROJECT SEKAI ; Minori Hanasato, Airi Momoi, Emu Otori, Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama VOCALOID / VOCAL SYNTH ; Xi Yi, Hatsune Miku GHOST & PALS ; Tamari [RECKLESS BATTERY BURNS], Say [CHATTERING LACK OF COMMON SENSE], Cakey [APPETITE OF A PEOPLE PLEASER], Teto [PATHOLOGICAL FASCADE] HIVESWAP & HOMESTUCK ; Charun Krojib, Dave Strider / Davesprite, Jade Harley, Karako Pierot, Meulin Leijon, Nepeta Leijon, Tyzias Entykk GENSHIN ; Collei, Fischl, Furina, Hu Tao, Kirara, Lumine, Qiqi, Xingqiu, Yae Miko, Yoimiya COOKIE RUN ; Peach Blossom, Caramel Choux, Linzer, Mozzarella, Affogato, Strawberry Crepe, Cream Puff, Kumiho, Espresso, Vampire, Stardust, Black Pearl, Whipped Cream, Roquefort, Butter Pretzel, Scorpion, Bellflower, Sour Belt, Crowberry, Pizza, Black Garlic, Coffee Candy, Baguette, Gim, S'more, Strawberry Cream, Astronaut, Starch Noodle, Strawberry Stick, Lotus Dragon, Lychee Dragon, Sugar Swan POKEMON [SPECIES] ; Absol [MEGA], Bewear, Blacephalon, Breloom, Carbink, Chatot, Cramorant, Cursola, Darkrai, Dedenne, Delcatty, Delphox, Eevee, Furfrou, Furret [SHINY], Galvantula, Glaceon, Hatterene, Iron Valiant, Jirachi, Kommo-o, Leavanny, Lucario, Lurantis [TOTEM], Luxray, Lycanroc, Maractus, Mareanie, Meowscarada [SHINY], Mew, Milotic, Mimikyu, Mismagius, Mudkip, Nihilego, Pheromosa, Pyukumuku, Raichu [ALOLAN], Rayquaza [SHINY], Sandslash [ALOLAN], Scoliopede, Scorbunny, Serperior, Shaymin, Smoliv, Sneasler, Solgaleo, Sylveon, Tapu Lele, Thievul, Tinkaton, Torracat, Tsareena, Vaporeon, Wooper, Wynaut, Xerneas, Zoroark [SHINY] POKEMON [HUMANS] ; Justy [JELLOAPOCALYPSE DOGS IN LOVE], N, Ingo, Emmet, Roxie, Clemont, Lisia, Lillie, Ilima, Mallow, Acerola, Marnie, Allister, Klara, Sabi, Florian, Penny, Iono, Rika, Ortega, Kieran, Lacey MISC ; wip.... sorrgy :(

Uta's Glorified Kinlist [IN THE KINNIE WAY] ;;

CHARACTERS ; Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama, Charun Krojib, Dave Strider, Fischl, Yoimiya, Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Espresso Cookie, Sprigatito, Ingo, Emmet, Iono, March 7th SONGS ; Born2Run [PENELOPE SCOTT], Hammerhead [PENELOPE SCOTT], Sweet Hibiscus Tea [PENELOPE SCOTT], Baxter Ward is Under Fucking Siege [PENELOPE SCOTT], anarchy [EGG], Digital Girl [KIRA], Nobody [MITSKI], Gay Jokes [RIO ROMEO], Mirror Man [JACK STAUBER]

#shut up uta!#definitely not stolen!#uta time travels (again!)#uta; nobody needs to know this #uta hears voices part ???#uta pls shut up fr this time #(not) uta; [ANY-CHARACTER-NAME-HERE]#uta's sprites

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bowofbalance · 1 year ago

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Please if you would like explain feminist philosphy of language because my only guess at what that entails is womwn being called bossy more than men

I would love to explain! But there's a lot to talk about there and I have a very very bad case of sleepiness right now, so I'll keep it pretty short and confined to the specific questions that I'm interested in.

The philosophy of language covers a huge amount of ground and the feminist philosophy of language just applies those analyses to specifically issues that affect women (feminism).

Catharine MacKinnon specifically wrote against pornography, and the backlash to her was pretty immense. She said that pornography silences and subordinates women, and she was accused of being confused and making a categorical error and whatnot.

Philosophers jumped in to defend MacKinnon using what's called speech act theory (which says that speech can constitute actions, basically - like if I say "I apologize" those words constitute the act of apologizing). Using speech act theory, they argued that it is possible under the right circumstances that pornography can constitute those harms.

That was the beginning of silencing as something studied in the feminist philosophy of language, and silencing is what I'm most interested in.

Silencing is very difficult to define, and there are too many definitions of it to even begin to count, but the simplest way for me to explain it here is as communicative interference. There's some different examples that I could bring here to illuminate the definition: A woman tries to communicate refusal to a man, but because he was socialized to believe that a woman is not sincerely refusing when she says "no," the woman fails to communicate her refusal. The woman in that case would be silenced.

There's also a lot of different types of silencing: People might be silenced because they choose not to speak, knowing that their hearer wouldn't be able to competently listen to them for systemic reasons (Black women are less likely to report domestic violence to the police out of fear of reinforcing stereotypes about their race, for example).

Going based on the example you gave me: A woman runs a team at work and has the authority to give orders to the men who work for her. When she gives them orders, they interpret her orders as requests because she is a woman and they don't acknowledge her authority. They might perceive her as not thanking them enough or not appreciating them enough for doing as they are told, based on their interpretation of her words as requests instead of orders, and this very well might lead them to think of her as bossy or worse. That could, arguably, also silence her.

I'm very much not an authority on the subject, but I am very interested in it and I would love to talk about it more if my best attempt at a summary interested you. This is all also based on other people's work and definitely not my own, and I would be happy to direct people to any of the papers that actually came up with all of these ideas. And, there's a lot of context missing as well that I'd be more than happy to expand on.

#answering #philosophy #clearly i'm very happy to be given an opportunity to talk #there's just not enough love for catharine mackinnon anywhere #i've been saying this!!#all of these issues are so relevant and so important and no one hears about them

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repentmf · 2 years ago

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Design-Write: a comparison review - watching two M. Night Shyamalan movies in a row

To say that watching movies has been taxing lately wouldn’t be a stretch. Despite my personal feelings about how Hollywood is handling the production and distribution of Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse and how the ending is practically the end of a Dragon Ball Z episode, I loved the movie. The animation was crisp, the music was bumping, the voice acting was killer, and the setup for the next movie is clear. Now that you think you know my feelings on the movie, let me confuse you proper; I can’t stand Across the Spider-verse. (***Spoilers for the Sixth Sense, Into the Spider-verse, Knock at the Cabin, and Across the Spider-verse ahead***)

The movie has no real climax, falling action, or resolution, and it’s simply something my delicate, little brain can’t handle. To me, a story is a series of events that can categorically be considered opened and closed regardless of whether or not it has title cards, or credits. In AtSV, we end the movie seeing that Gwen has created a band of Spider-people to go find and protect Miles-1610, Miles-1610 is captured by Miles-42 and Aaron-42 after accidentally stumbling into Earth-42, and that the Spot is likely going to kill Miles-1610’s father. And that’s all we can really say about the ending of AtSV. For me, there are no definitive themes in the ending, and no clear-cut motivations for if Miles-42 is actually going to assist or work against Miles-1610 or any other nuggets of information. If somehow Hollywood kills Beyond the Spider-verse, we may never have that closure. In Into the Spider-verse however- Miles-1610 has made some kind of peace by the end of the movie with the fact that he is Spider-man and even enjoys the notion that while he is alone and has difficult obstacles to face, he can think of his friends who are much like him and regain some of his hope and confidence in himself. Confidence in that he can do all of these incredible things, even though he thought he never could. “You could wear the mask,” he remarks. There’s a clear connection and emotional through-line for viewers and characters to latch onto here in Mary Jane-1610’s and Miles-1610’s monologues of “He always said it could've been anyone behind the mask. He was just the kid who happened to get bit,” and it comes off as a completed and realized idea- seeing somewhat meek and afraid Miles-1610 become the hero that saved him in the first half of the movie is engaging, interesting, and more than those- fulfilling.

So much media that we consume in today’s age does not fulfill me. It exists merely in my brain-space as a way to wearily pass my time because I have an addiction to social media. And so I did not have strong hopes and aspirations going into Knock at the Cabin- I mean, any movie following up Spider-verse is already difficult enough as it is, but add in the fact that I am skeptical of and not fond of your past works means I am 98% confident I won’t like what I’m about to watch. But it’s the 4th of July weekend, I’m gonna watch what my family is watching (within reason). And I was definitely right about my gut-reaction. The movie’s pacing is sluggish, the characters (with exception of one) feel wholly static, and the finale feels like it was what the entire movie was written for. The movie and all of its catastrophic events and murders all feel pointless in wake of how the movie ends.

It watches like the movie existed to justify the ending of the movie existing. And this is largely how I feel about the majority of new media that gets released in our time. “The writing does not exist for the people that it’s being written for or about; the people exist to experience the writing.” To be more thorough here, by the time Eric has fully changed his mind (about an hour and a half, if memory serves correctly) an entire feature-length film’s amount of time has already been consumed full of writing that just comes across more as fluff than dynamically altering Eric’s point of view. Credit where credit is due, there is one scene where Eric gets a concussion and talks with the Nurse, Sabrina, and seems to make a small connection- at least hearing out the other side- that there may be a need to believe in something bigger than just the self. But this scene is a drop of interesting characterization and motivation in an otherwise 1-dimensional pond of characters and for me, it all comes down to the writing. The actors themselves did great with what they were given- believable, and sympathetic. The scene mentioned earlier has exactly what I’m talking about: Sabrina shows she’s able to empathize with Eric’s family about not being able to believe that they will really be determining the end of the world- she says she’d think they were religious freaks, too. But this unfortunately isn’t what the movie is about. The movie is about Eric, Andrew, Wen, and their collective decision. Which they do not actually discuss for all but around 10 minutes total. They do finish talking about who should be chosen as a sacrifice to stop the world from ending, but it occurs moments before the world ends and around 15 minutes out from the end of the movie- really, do excuse me if my times are off here, I did not go back and research if I was right on the money. The snail pacing and lack of actions/ influenced choices makes the twist at the end feel like the movie’s reason for existing, rather than the twist just being a cherry on top of a great cake of a movie. While KatC technically meets my initial qualification to be a complete story, it’s not enough to be a story- you also need to have thought and meaning- a clear theme backing your start, middle, and end. And all I was able to gather from KatC is that people suck and Eric should have lived.

So we finish Knock at the Cabin and the next night we’re back at it again- we NEED something to watch because when we’re at the in-law’s house, every night is movie night. Both anx and I had NEVER seen the Sixth Sense (I know, I know- please don’t hurt me) and her brother INSISTED we fixed that. Now this is THE movie of M. Night Shyamalan’s career and I know the twist of the movie. This should be a done-deal. I don’t like his other works, I know the ending of the story going in- and it’s a masterpiece.

Everything I’ve complained about for AtSV and KatC the Sixth Sense just does not do. The Sixth Sense not only has an abundance of characterization for its small cast of characters, but all of them have a collective, clear connection and emotional through-line for both the viewer and the characters to latch onto- hey doesn’t that sound familiar? When Cole has fears about talking to the ghosts that have been appearing to him and finding out what they want, they are CLEARLY well founded and easily related to because he has been hurt by these ghosts. He has been terrified emotionally and scarred physically by them. It’s only by communicating with Malcom that Cole can see that his power is making a difference that can affect not only his situation, but others’ situations. This can be seen from the other direction as well but in the converse way: Malcolm working with and treating Cole through therapy allows Cole to assist with Malcolm himself and his believed-destroyed relationship with his widowed-wife. Malcolm is only able to see that he is gone by allowing himself to continue helping Cole. There’s this beautiful arc of emotional motion that Malcolm and, to a lesser extent, Cole both have from “I have to help people,” to “Can I even help people?” to “I want you to be helped, but I can’t help you,” all the way back to “I’m going to help you, despite my own insecurities.” There’s real, observable change in the story thanks to characters in tSS- and we don’t seem to get that kind of writing from Shyamalan anymore. It’s always about the twist instead of about the movie. Shouldn’t the events of the movie be about the movie? Not about the twist? Not about the next movie? And then if the movie has a twist or sequel, we can all go “I just can’t believe Bruce Willis was a ghost!” When a movie doesn’t have any climaxes, falling actions, resolutions, or visibly-realized dynamic characters, it can be hard to like the movie, let-alone watch it. With all of the CGI/ AI/ multIverse workings, it can be difficult to remember what movies or even media is about- it’s about people. It’s about expression. It’s art. And when the movie isn’t created for those sakes first? The ideas and execution can come out deflated and underbaked.

Rewatch Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse and the Sixth Sense, they’re both masterpieces and two of my favorite movies.

Follow me here for more Design-Writes

Sub to me on YouTube for Design-Likes

have a blessed day, fam

#knock at the cabin #the sixth sense #into the spider verse #across the spider verse #spiderman #movies #movie reviews #reviews #critique #critic #stories #design like #design write #m night shyamalan #repentmf

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mino2aur · 2 years ago

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sorry this post had been driving me crazy. not because i disagree with the point that not every indie game has a furry in it but becasue i knew for a fact that there were furries in outer wilds and a hat in time. turns out i am certain that most of these games have a character i would call a furry, and some have a charatcer that i could probably call a furry, and three of them let you wear an animal themed hat. my sincerest apologies to all involved in the original post please treat this as the ravings of a madman rather than a serious critique

my personal definition of a furry is an animal character that walks on two legs and behaves in a humanlike manner, or a human character who dresses/appears in some way like an animal. if the beaft only fulfills one of these traits then i put it in the arguably category. i have also noted when i have not played a game and am simply pulling from the wiki

stardew valley:

i also think that krobus should count as a furry but thats definitely more of a vibe thing. wait a minute shit is the mouse anthro enough? this one might be a confurmed one actually but im not editing the pic again

subnautica:

do you think that a talking animal counts as a furry? thus is the debate that plagues the categorization of the sea emperor. also in subnautica below zero there is al-an who is 100% a furry

LISA (unplayed):

there were more but i have been at this for hours so who gives one

yume nikki:

im just fucking certain one of those things counts as a furry. theres so much shit in that game come on man

OMORI (unplayed):

this feels like a pretty big one to miss. like thats definitely a furry

minecraft:

it feels fucked up that the piglin is the only one i can think of so maybe theres more i havent played the new updates so maybe theres more furries now. also your minecraft skin can be anything you want including fursuits

slime rancher:

this one is definitely iffy to me but i do feel like theres an argument to be made. im just not gonna be the one to make it

enter the gungeon (unplayed):

again there has to be more. anthropomorphic animals are a very popular video game enemy subtype

dicey dungeons (unplayed):

the dice, somehow, is a furry

vampire survivors (unplayed):

he is a fucking bear

pizza tower (unplayed):

this one is a bit of a stretch for “character” but theyre definitely in there. and once again i bet you anything theres more

spelunky (unplayed):

also some of the characters in this game seem a bit racially insensitive

darkest dungeon:

it was originally going to just be the abomination but i do think plague doctors technically fall into the furry category so shes here too. this also is not including the various anthropomorphic animals you can fight

shovel knight (unplayed):

+ others

fez (unplayed):

talking owl? potentially a furry thing? i don’t know

what remains of edith finch:

okay this one. is technically not debatable i just don’t feel right being like HAH ANOTHER CONFIRMED FURRY about a dead six year old. also given that she was straight up hallucinating she might have been. like. i don’t know. she could plead insanity to being a furry i guess

among us:

theres so many fucking amongus cosmetics now its crazy theres like 5 animal ears ones now

outer wilds:

inscryption:

this one probably should have gone under arguably if im being beautiful and true with myself

castle crashers (unplayed):

again theres probably more

untitled goose game:

look the goose technically doesnt fit either criteria but i feel like the fact that you inhabit the goose creates a sort of furry-like atmosphere. i have a paper due in six hours

hyper light drifter (unplayed):

a hat in time:

see also the conductor, cooking cat, empress, walrus captain, the various anthropomorphic animal npcs throughout different levels, and the various animal themed hat flairs. this one was a pretty big one to get wrong

slay the spire (unplayed):

ehhh? maybe?

pathologic (unplayed):

i remembered this guy from the hbomberguy video

disco elysium:

NOTES: i felt like there was probably an angle for super meat boy, soma, and rocket league but they would have been wayyy more trouble than they were worth. i also tried very hard to find something for stanley parable and ultrakill but no luck

IF YOU have any corrections to make please feel free to provide i am learning so much about indie games today. sorry again to the original posters

#torment

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life-on-the-dl · 2 years ago

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This is a blog that I want to use to explore and detail my experience as a man on the Down Low or “DL,” which is how I will refer to I from the is point. For someone not familiar with this I’ll cover some F.A.Qs so as they come up throughout this blog you can refer back to them.

What is on the DL, as copied from Wikipedia, Down-low is an African-American slang term specifically used within the African-American community that typically refers to a sexual subculture of Black men who usually identify as heterosexual but actively seek sexual encounters and relations with other men, practice gay cruising, and frequently adopt a specific hip-hop attire during these activities. They generally avoid disclosing their same-sex sexual activities, even if they have female sexual partner(s), they are married to a woman, or they are single. The term is also used to refer to a related sexual identity. Down-low has been viewed as "a type of impression management that some of the informants use to present themselves in a manner that is consistent with perceived norms about masculine attribute, attitudes, and behavior".

That is pretty much it though I don’t adopt a specific hip-hop attire and don’t know of anyone that does but that’s the gist of it. I have been on the DL since 1996 when I was a senior in high school, at least that is the timeframe of my first experience though I could argue that I really didn’t embrace that lifestyle till the 2000s when I decided that I wanted to have an encounter with a man. Truthfully I did not even know about being on the DL till well past my first few experiences, I stumbled across it and the definition of it related to me. Though at the time it was a strong belief of those not in that lifestyle that any man who participates in that is considered gay. This was a time where men starting to identify as bisexual but even those men were still categorized as being gay or just confused gay men. I did not want that label and felt like keeping my experiences secret was my best choice. I had considered myself bi-curious to give myself a definition of where I stood but kept that to myself or communicated that when seeking someone to have a shared experience with. On some level I do regret it because the caution I took in doing so kept me from fully embracing experiences. The internal struggle I faced after hookups delayed me from figuring out who I am while I denied who I was if that makes sense. When the majority of society is screaming this point of view that you don’t agree with you hesitate to be brave enough to step out of the societal norms out of fear of facing those labels and repercussions. I did not want my family or friends to know and feared what would happen if they found out, though my sexual life is no one’s business we all tend to make it ours as a society. Additionally, I will often talk about masculinity and femininity. The conflicts of sexual acts that are considered feminine but as a masculine man doing can confuse you. I think as a young man that was a difficult path to navigate but as a middle age man I can tell that one does not mean the other. I’ll try to limit my rambles in this blog, as much as I’m gonna share in hopes of being relatable to others like me, this is also therapeutic on some level for me as I continue to navigate that lifestyle. I hope you join me on the trip.

#down low #biseuxal #gay black #black bisexual #black top #black bottom #lgbtq

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