#i am definitively categorized as a man by those who do not know me and while it's fine in terms of passersby

[yearning-gay]

suddenly experiencing profuse emotions about a specific scenario in which a girl validates my feelings as sapphic and that the way i choose to present myself is not offputting to her. surely this means nothing

[rouge-the-bat]

i really do wonder what ppl who tout the "non-men loving non-men" definition of lesbian think about multigender people. do they EVER consider us? even a tiny bit? bc it certainly doesnt feel like it. it feels like any one of these situations:

they already dont think being multigender is a thing, and say shit like "you can only be a man, a woman, or nonbinary, not all of the above."

they quite literally dont think about how multigender people would work in relation to sexuality. they may claim to support us, but they dont pay attention to or care about the fact our gender identity ISNT just an isolated thing that has no affect or connection to anything else about us.

they look at my gender (genderfluid between woman, man, and many forms of nonbinary, more oftentimes a mix), and say oh well youre PARTIALLY a man in some way so that means you cant be a lesbian! so, basically my man-ness just "taints" me and negates the fact that im also a woman and nonbinary? what about the days where my genderfluidity contains no bit of man at all? can i only be a lesbian SOMETIMES?

they yell about non-men all they want, but see my gender and go, "oh not YOU though :) i mean people who are ONLY a man!" and not realize how that is 1. them not saying at all what they mean in their definition if still SOME men are okay and 2. extremely comes across as misgendering and that they dont see me as Actually a man if im not mono-gendered, regardless of their intention. if you are going to categorize people as "men or non-men" and try to fit me in only one or the other, you are misgendering me no matter what. non-men is not the same thing as non-mono-gendered-men.

and all of this also makes me wonder: what would these people think if they saw me in person, holding hands with my girlfriend?

for context: transmeds would 100% consider me a faker not only bc im genderfluid, use any pronouns (esp neos), and am without dysphoria (for gender anyways), but because theyd think im just cis. im afab with no hormone changes or surgery, nor do i want any (my ideal genitals being a dick or barbie-doll-smooth aside, since i dont care enough to do surgery about it, and any of my other gender ideals would require shapeshifting), i like my big boobs, AND im femme. my fat even adds to my curves. most people would probably read me as only a girl and not think twice about it, esp if im dressing up as femme as i like being at the time.

so, if these people shouting "non-men loving non-men" at those like me all the time ended up seeing me irl, what would they think? would they see im extremely femme and read as a girl while holding hands with my girlfriend (who isnt femme but still is easily read as a girl) and think oh yeah, thats a lesbian right there? because a huge part of me says that they absolutely would have no issue with it

who knows if anyone who swears up and down by the "non-men loving non-men" definition will actually read this, but i REALLY wish more people would actually hear out multigender folks and see how definitions like this are incompatible with us. think about how our identity doesnt exist in a vacuum. realize that plenty of us ARE lesbians no matter what anyone else says, and we do not abide to your """inclusive""" definition that actually doesnt consider our existence at all.

or at least realize identity labels dont have a one-size-fits-all definition in the vastness of queer experiences, that people are going to have definitions for things that are different from yours, and you dont hold the One True Right Definition. realize that definitions are not rules that are placed upon words, theyre explanations for how these words are being used across the world, through time, and vary from person, place, and time. definitions are fluid, not static, and many words have multiple definitions.

[2amcheese]

I am queer.

Whatever your associations with the word, I am it. I was queer when the little boys called Mary queer at the beginning of The Secret Garden, in that old fashioned way that meant strange, I was queer when I found out the modern definition, I’ve been queer and queer and queer for years and years and years. 

I’m a trans guy. I don’t think I’m a trans man, or a trans boy. I can’t find those words in me, a concrete definition of what a male should be. I’m a trans dude. A trans guy. A concept of casual masculinity that I dress myself in for comfort. I’m tired of labels.

My mom always complains about kids and their labels. I think some labels are fine, when you shed them like a dress when it no longer fits. I don’t like labels that choke you out and force you into their boxes, which are always just too small to be comfortable but not too bad to leave. I think some labels are an abusive relationship. That’s why I’m not a trans boy. Too many expectations to fulfill the role of “boy,” I tried it once and I can’t fit into the box, even though I tried. I tried so hard.

When I look for queers on the internet they’re often separated by label. LESBIAN SPACE. GAY MEN ONLY. WLW DNI. I feel like a floater, hopping from planet to planet, like I was born out of an asteroid in the queer galaxy, never really belonging anywhere. I belong in the galaxy, I can feel that in my bones (which come from stardust) but a planet, a label, eludes me.

I am bisexual, but only in the loosest sense of the word. I don’t know if I find anyone sexually attractive but people of any genders can look good to me. My first crush was a boy and now I’m dating a girl and I don’t know if I have a preference. There are very few bi spaces and even fewer I feel I belong in--I am fundamentally not a bi girl, but have no experience with being a bi boy and all the stigma that comes with being a homo- or bi-sexual male. I feel disconnected from the concept of gender, discovering myself by avoiding feeling bad instead of seeking feeling good. 

My head is complicated. There is anxiety in there and the burden of being labeled as “the smart kid” in first grade. There’s so much in my head I can’t think straight--though my girlfriend likes to say that I can’t do anything straight. I know who I am but not what I am or how to fit in in our dimorphic world. I feel like I’m blindly feeling around for something, trying to map out a path to me by feeling the spikes and cutting my hands and going the other way. That’s less of a metaphor than I wish it was. 

I have found acceptance but not belonging. I have support but no concrete identity. The world wants so badly to categorize me so it can understand me and I don’t know how to explain that I am just me. The thing that is me is not any of these other things you wish it was. I guess my journey is less about finding a label that works, and more about learning to live label-less. I need to learn how to identify as me instead of whatever label they wrap around my neck. For now I think I’ll stick with queer. To quote The Greatest Showman; “I am brave, I am bruised, this is who I’m meant to be. This is me.” 

This is me. Queer. 

[slow-writer]

TMAGP (and TMA, indirectly) Spoilers and Thoughts...

You have been warned...

I wasn't part of the original TMA crowd back when it was first airing. I'd heard mutterings of it, but never really thought much about it. To be honest, I probably wasn't mentally ready for it back then. Instead, my younger sister started listening to it last year and then kept talking about it until something she said made me go, "Y'know what? Okay. I'm in."

I ended up bingeing through it during work this past October, and holy sh*t. I fell down the rabbit hole hard. (Maybe, in this case, it would be more akin to running face first down those coffin stairs? I digress.) Being so new to it when everyone else had already been swallowed up by the sky, it was cool to dig into the Wikis that had already been made, to see the links and foreshadowing.

But now, it's the beginning of TMAGP, and I actually get to listen the day they release, to jump on here, or reddit, or tiktok, or wherever to be a part of the theorizing AS IT HAPPENS. And boy oh boy, I'm happier than Simon Fairchild in the stratosphere.

Do I have a notebook to jot down my thoughts as I listen? Of course, I do. Do I have multiple tabs open, some with ARG info, some with TMA info, and yet more with references to alchemical symbols and practices? Duh. Have I started my own spreadsheet for it all? Well, if you knew about my Lego Dimensions spreadsheet.... nevermind. Yes, I have.

But nothing beats being able to talk (or type) about it with other fans, like my sister, or those faceless avatars (lol) of the interwebs. And man, has my brain been CHURNING.

First, let me get out of the way that I wasn't able to take part in the ARG as it was happening, and my goodness! I'm so happy there are other people out there like me who were able to sum up and load it up for the rest of us to learn about. No idea how much of it will be *necessary* to unlock all the secrets, but I'm the kind who loves to know trivia just cos. And the details I am learning definitely pull me deeper.

Second, I feel like in the beginning of TMA, there was barely anything for the listeners to dig through. One guy working on behalf of an organization, trying to dig through seemingly implausible and overly spooktastic first-hand statements dating back centuries that are in crazy disarray from the previous archivist, and he's laying on a hefty helping of "this is utter balderdash, complete poppycock, and absolute piffle" opinion. It was a slow burn, something that (as an American, and being exposed to so much more instant gratification in storytelling than necessary) UK storytellers seem to be experts in, and was even more expertly done in this case, since so many little things had to eventually build up without listeners automatically assuming what would happen next, without them getting bored.

But TMAGP is already so full of so much extra stuff, so many little things (even before it was released) that we may all get BURIED in the sheer amount of data we think is vital. We're not listening to tapes this time, we're definitely listening via internet-connected devices, like computers, mobile phones, and security cameras. So, while TMA had old tape recorders magically appearing (or were they being dragged by hordes of spiders?) and switching themselves on so they could hear all the random happenings within the archive, TMAGP is no longer reliant on such hand-wavery. Whatever/whoever is listening can do so from anywhere to anyone they want. That makes the world of TMAGP

SO MUCH BIGGER.

Third, I know not everyone who listens to these things is like me (or, let's face it: us--there are so many fans doing regular deep dives on here, we should have our own categorization on the wiki). There are bound to be listeners who just leave everything at face value and wait for the story to unfold itself organically, and when it's done, it's done. But even as an adolescent, when I got into something, I did my best to listen to, watch, or read everything I could find on that very niche thing. At least for a while. (Hello, undiagnosed ADHD!)

So, I watched/listened to a couple interviews and Q&As regarding the new show prior to release. And while both Alex and Jonny have been clear saying you don't have to have listened to TMA to enjoy TMAGP, I kind of think just saying that is leading us TMA fans in a very specific direction. And I think it's very intentional, and that a lot of fans either haven't heard about it yet, or are choosing to ignore it.

They say that TMAGP is tangentially related to TMA in that there will be familiar themes, but

it's taking place in a completely different universe from TMA;

time in TMA worked differently (especially during the Entity Torturepalooza in S5) towards the end, so dates of events there may not line up with dates or events in this universe; and

the main or overarching theme is different.

In TMA, the story was "what makes a monster a monster?" As in, is there a line one crosses that they can't return from? Is it a physical manifestation, like it alters their appearance? Is it an action they have to take? And does that action have to be done willingly, or can it be coerced? Does becoming the monster to protect someone else, or to achieve a greater good... does any of that matter?

In TMAGP, they've already said that the story will be "what makes a person a person?"

The implications of that sentence are many and mind-boggling.

I first thought it had something to do with the idea of the humane (not human): kindness, empathy, compassion. The ties that bind us together as people (like being fans of a little horror podcast from across the pond) could be part of this.

But, now that we have 5 episodes out, and a metaphorical army of lore-deep-divers digging through every word and sound effect and episode title, I think we can truly start to figure out where we're heading.

Artificial Intelligence.

It struck me as I was re-listening to the first episode this morning. (I really am trying to fill out my spreadsheet in a semi-logical manner and with as many pertinent details as possible, really. That's the main reason I was doing that this morning. At least, that's what I tell myself.) We are hearing all these happenings over web-connected devices (don't think I don't see you, Alex and Jonny, and your oh-so-hilarious punning!), the OIAR employees are working on a modified business-forward version of Windows NT 4.0 that precedes Windows 95 that has a name that we interpret as 'Freddy' (or Freddie, depending on where you are in the transcripts), one of the documents from the ARG was a spreadsheet called 'Klaus' (which IS the name of the former IT guy Gwen's asking about because she heard/saw young Lena arguing with him), and we have at least 3 text-to-speech "voices" that Alice has given names (Chester, Norris, and Augustus).

All of that was running through my brain, and then I heard this passage within the first few minutes of the episode:

LENA - Nonsense. Sam is the only one who has had any cake so far. GWEN - And that was only because you practically forced it down his throat. SAM - No, no, it was… nice. LENA - People like chocolate cake.

People like chocolate cake? She didn't even ask her employees (all 5 of them at that time) what flavor they'd prefer, or if they'd want something else? No. She just knows a fact that "people" like chocolate cake, so of course, her employees--who are people--would like chocolate cake.

Almost like a computer following a logic-based workflow, perhaps?

Lots of people have been trying to figure out who in the office is the Big Bad, and many are saying Gwen just because of her ambition and her last name (Bouchard), but I think her name is a red herring. Others are saying Alice knows more than she lets on (and so many are hating on her, and I will NOT ABIDE THE ALICE DYER SHADE because I love her and I would very probably hide bodies for her) but I agree that certain things she's said are a little sus, though they really could just be her personality. I really have known some women like her, and they are some of my favorite people. (Plus, the fact that we now know that she's the most tenured employee at the OIAR--save possibly Lena--does make the brain churn some more.)

But with this line about chocolate cake, and how she was unable to join them at the pub, and how we haven't had a scene with her outside of the OIAR office, it makes me think that Lena might just be part code.

[Let me also add this really quick: I've seen A LOT of people trying to make the current episodes fit into Smirke's 14 +Dekker's 1, but I don't think the Entities as we codified them are what we're dealing with in this universe. I think trying to link everything back to that show will be a lot of wasted thought, because as they said, this isn't a direct sequel. (Do I think it's actually Jon, Martin, and Jonah--yes, Jonah, not Jurgen--trapped in the computer system? A bit, but it won't shatter my appreciation if the voices are something else entirely.)

Plus, I've seen others saying that the statements we've heard, while creepy, aren't all necessarily to do with fear. Most of them are about desires and obsessions.

The woman who wanted so desperately to see her dead husband again that she'd get scammed over and over to possibly resurrect him;

the person who wanted to spelunk an 'unsolved' site to the point of crime;

the woman who wanted to finally feel comfortable in her skin to the point of disfiguring herself;

the man who wanted so badly to climb out of his assigned station and achieve fame that he'd regularly 'feed' his violin blood from other people;

and the man who wanted to feel the same terror he felt when watching scary movies with his dad when he was a kid to the point of chasing down 'borderline illegal films' and ignoring LITERALLY ALL the red flags to the end.

I think that theory is the closest to what we may actually encounter.]

I've seen others on reddit saying they think that this series will be about the race to create the philosopher's stone--the stone that creates the elixir of life and, essentially, immortality. I think it's a valid idea. But, what if it went further than that?

Because with all the alchemical hints dropping in the show's logo, the ARG, and the 3-category system to the statements (yes, I'm keeping track) that could make one think of the spirit, the mind, and the body in alchemy....

What if they're trying to create life from software?

What if these entities or desires or whatevers have been working through some ancient busted code, feeding off statements from "real" humans experiencing strong emotions, watching the employees that work with it every single night, so they can create something as close to a human as possible from just wires and 3 decades of unreadable code?

Oh lord... it just occurred to me that--due to this being a HORROR podcast--they might need to collect a skin suit for the Not Quite Human. Is that what happened to Klaus? Ick. And now I'm hoping I'm wrong.

[miscreantahead]

Back on Tuesday when episode 4 dropped I had some thoughts about how the "fears" are going to work in this universe. Personally I'm operating under the belief that these are the same entities that could have been destroyed in the TMA universe and got pulled into this new one, but as many have already stated, that doesn't mean they have to be (and at this point I'm thinking definitely are not) the "fears" as we know them.

Something I keep coming back to is Leitner's talk of an eye a hand and a boot attacking an anthill and the ants not perceiving that it was all attacked to one larger assailant. This was about the avatars, but considering we have so little confirmed about what the entities we used to call the fears actually are, and considering the eyepocolypse couldn't happen without all of them coming through... what if this time, it's all one big horrible thing? Or, more accurately, to some degree, always has been? Obviously they can't be one individual as we perceive the concept of a singular individual otherwise the Web wouldn't have defected and there wouldn't have been a power structure with the eye, but off the hand I think of like organs in a single body, like the eye became the brain and the Web's shenanigans was liver failure.

Part of what supports that for me is the guy who gave the narrator the violin. The violin itself has obvious slaughter vibes. The man who gave it to him felt very beholding. And he also had a bag of various artifacts that could have done things that we'd associate with certain fears the way we knew them in TMA. Sure, he could just be a Leitner/Salesa, collecting various artifacts related to the powers, but the thing that sets this guy apart of from those two is that they never handed them out. So far, like the post I just reblogged before typing this one said, the cases don't come off like there's much fear involved, or at least they don't end in a place of fear. My sort of whackadoo theory right now is that what happened in the TMA universe has educated these entities (or possibly entity) in some way on what needs to be done in order for them to cross the threshold and take over their new reality like they did previously. Assuming they're capable of learning that is, and I know some things in TMA sort of seemed to imply they're not (but in my mind it's more like huge portions of their existence aren't perceivable to us and likewise much of ours fly under their radar and so I think they could have gathered something, just not anything that would have been perceptible enough for any of us or the characters to understand.) I mean, if you think about how fumbling the attempts for them to cross through were, and the way someone who was essentially human had to be the one to figure it all out (and took thousands of years to do so and let's face it got REALLY lucky that everything finally went his way like if you think about all of the things that could have gone wrong for Jonah, how many times Jon could have died, how many times the next 100 Jons would have to be put in a situation where they could die. The chances of him actually winning were so fucking slim, it was a tough order and he delivered and who's to say anyone would be able to again) and open the right door you'd think they'd be inclined to overhaul their methods. I think the entities still feed on fear, but I think they want the same thing it had before, it's done settling for scraps. I think when it was defeated and sent to live on the outskirts again it got a little pissed off, and I think it's going for a different approach to try and make that happen again. Obviously I might be humanizing the Things too much, I probably am, but I'm also kind of like... if they have manifested in a completely different way in this universe made up of the same meat sacks as the last one, like not just different "categorizations" and "presentations" but different motivations and focuses... it seems like it could be due to it learning from experience. Which is nice and terrifying :-). Another thing I think a lot about is how the fuck would any other power winning have worked in the TMA universe? The eye worked because it wanted to see everyone's suffering, it let the other fears do their dirty work because it wanted to watch. If any other fear had taken the lead, how would the others have functioned? The end probably would have accelerated the death of all of them just like Oli's s5 musings went on about, and the rest would have done some crazy shit making no room for anyone else's priorities because they have no reason to. There's a reason the brain has to be in charge, maybe Jonah Magnus even knew that and it's why he settled on beholding?

[napalmvoid]

BLOG POST 003: Thoughts about Blogs.

You know what I miss, dudes? Blogs. I miss blogs and journals, the normalcy of having one where your thoughts were exposed to more than just 180 or 228 character limits – expressing yourself far more than just funny little quippy tweets that are trying to go viral. There’s no central place for bloggers anymore, not even Tumblr. Blogspot is a cesspool that has not been updated for years, wordpress, and video logs on Youtube are supremely hard to find considering they don’t hit it off with the algorithm and you never find them – buried in the huge storage room that is the Warehouse of Youtube content.

Shit, I even hate that word. Content. What the fuck is that? Dehumanizing way to refer to art, to refer to shit we make. A vlog is a vlog, it’s not meant to be content. A blog post is a blog post, it sure as hell ain’t content. I know by the most crude definition, every art we make is art to be consumed, but aren’t we giving in into dehumanizing and corporatizing art and the way we’ve expressed ourselves in the internet? Videos were made for entertainment purposes, to watch and rewatch while laughing or pensive, feeling something more than just “consumption.” Now, Videos are categorized as content, packaged for the masses to be coldly consumed. Give me a break.

I’m an artist, I make art in everything I do. The way I move, that shit’s artistry in motion, man. The way I speak, a mixture of slangs from the 50s to the 80s and even the 2000s? It’s poetry to the ears, it’s smooth music for the soul. It’s radical, in your face, for the people to the people. The blog posts I write are my soul tailored to words, which you are reading right now carefully I hope. The videos I make? Visual art, emotion and stories told through motion, visuals and color. Hell, even the fucked up drawings I make, the lineart I trace, the graffiti I bite, all of it is art even if it is fucked up looking.

Not content. ART.

Shit, what was I even yapping about in the first place? Blogging! I recognize that not everyone can blog or even wants to, that’s cool, man. I just wish the option was there for those who want to give it a go, to try their hands on making a blog and not having to battle with HTML coding and shit – some people are busy after all. And what options there are do not necessarily meet all the needs. Some people don’t blog because they don’t get to meet other bloggers in the same platform anymore, some don’t blog because the radio silence is too much. Some don’t find the appeal in blogging when there’s no one to share thoughts with, y’dig?

Tumblr is a safe haven for all kinds of blogging, so I’m grateful. I am just musing outloud man, you know?

[askgothamshitty]

sorry if this ask is kind of loaded but I feel like I'm not radical enough, I know this is going to sound silly and maybe like bait but this has really been stressing me out 😅I'll see takes from TIRFs online who'll say stuff like "if I had a child and they were a boy I couldn't love them" or referring to men as "moids", or saying women with boyfriends/husbands can't be radfem, and I just don't see how that line of thinking is anything but reactionary, even if it's supposedly trans-inclusive? typing that out I feel like makes me sound like a bootlicker for men but I'm literally a man-hating lesbian..but then I see other people agreeing who I respect and I feel kind of crazy for disagreeing and I'm like...am I wrong for thinking this is reactionary, am I just defending men? but I can't understand how categorizing a group of people as inherently evil does not fall into biological essentialist rhetoric.

also counter-productively, as a lesbian, I feel like this just ends up hurting us instead of men, like men aren't going to care if they're predatory but a lot of what is said can be applied to us (for ex: the claim that all penetrative sex is abuse, although to my knowledge this isn't something that has actually been written in any feminist theory and is a misinterpretation of criticisms of cishet sex? I have only seen people online say this anyway) and I just get extra worried that I'm a predator...maybe I just think too much about what random strangers on the internet say idk lmfao😵‍💫

I’ve come across those types, too, and while I sympathize with their hatred of male violence and patriarchal culture, I do think the sentiments they share are ultimately reactionary. Even if they don’t outright say that “males” are born with some “evil gene”, their thinking leads them to the same place - that men are doomed to become oppressors and that relations between men/women can never be revolutionized. This line of thinking, in my opinion, is still functionally biodeterminist, and thus ends up being transmisogynistic. We can see that in the way they often argue that this damning process of “male socialization” also affects trans women since they were AMAB.

I would not say these people represent radical feminism as a whole, though. Most second wave thinkers did not come to the conclusions that we need to, say, ban straight women from feminism or abandon male children. Although they took the prevalence and influence of patriarchy seriously, they still had hope and believed feminism could ultimately change the misogynistic relations and ideologies that make men, men. And if these online radfems are saying things like, “all penetrative sex is rape”, then they’re indicating that they are simply ignorant of radical feminism, since Dworkin explicitly said this was not the conclusion to draw from her work.

As I said, I sympathize with the core feelings these women are dealing with, but their extreme nihilism and lack of faith in the revolutionizing power of feminism makes them ultimately disagreeable. Add in the fact that they adopt 4Chan slang (and sometimes berate male-attracted women with misogynistic language and slurs), and they can be very off-putting and offensive. So you’re definitely not wrong for (or alone in) feeling the way you do.

[winterpinetrees]

Today on tumblr, winterpinetrees attempts to juggle four characters in a conversation. (the gap years part 3)

June 10th 2019

San Francisco 

Clay knows proper gun safety. He knows how to safely navigate a lot of things. He’s pointed the barrel of his sleek science fiction rifle at the ground and his finger is off the trigger. He is the reason why Sierra didn’t get caught stealing batteries from one of her father’s R&D labs and why Brian didn’t get mauled by a bear back in Sophomore year. He has a first-aid kit and a satellite phone and has spent the last four years getting ready to run. So no, Clay isn’t particularly distressed that he probably just killed a man. 

“Did we just kill that guy!” Sierra yells. They did. The armor on the soldier’s back crumpled like it was hit by a cannonball. Well, Brian and Clay did. He didn’t do much. 

Brian crouches down and rolls the soldier over. There’s a fresh cut on his chest that’s staining his shirt red with a worrying amount of blood. “I-I think he’s dead.”

Sierra ignores him and wheels around at their acquaintance. “You’re an elf, aren’t you?” 

Not-Martin leans against his quarterstaff. He has long ears and glowing eyes, but he doesn’t seem majestic or otherworldly. Clay noticed how confident he was back at the cafe, but that can just be a symptom of growing up rich. Maybe it’s just that the boy is wearing tan cargo pants and a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off that’s getting in the way of any awe.  “Yes, we call ourselves elves. Well, that’s the current English translation.” 

Brian looks up at Sierra “How the hell do you know anything about this.”

“Not important right now! Ten years ago, a top-secret laboratory in the Nevada desert was destroyed by a whole crew of glowing people wearing armor like that. The one in charge glowed green and kept teleporting or whatever the hell you were doing! I want to know what you are doing here, who just tried to kill us, and why we thought we knew you.”

Clay sits by the head of the soldier. He finds a few latches and manages to pull off their helmet. The face underneath looks male and about forty, with dark skin and features that Clay can’t easily categorize. He isn’t prepared for its empty, half-open eyes. He tries to keep his voice steady. “Sierra, don’t threaten him.” 

The elf smiles, but it’s too wide and a bit strained. “It’s alright. My name is Prince Marin Sondaica. The leader of the attack in the desert was my mother, although, according to those soldiers, she’s been murdered.” His ears twitch downward. Oh yeah. He’s definitely not okay. “You thought that you knew me because I knew you’d never speak with a random stranger. I’d been watching you three for a while. I thought you were interesting.”

Immediate outrage.  

Clay recovers first. He’s going to ignore the stalking for a minute and take this one step at a time. “You didn’t answer the question about the soldiers. What did they say to you?”

Marin hesitates a bit. Lying or just emotional? “They told me that there had been a coup. My parents were dead, and he was going to kill me as well. Elves don’t kill eachother while invisible. It’s not respectful”. He pauses. “If they’ve gotten bold enough to attack in public, then things are happening more quickly than we expected.”

Sierra puts her head in her hands. “You are so bad at giving exposition. What is happening quickly?” 

Marin walks over to the side of the body. He retrieves his strange tardis bag and stares down at the soldier's face. “Global conquest is happening quickly. My family didn’t want to take over your world, but I guess the people got tired of waiting. The elven world… it is like Romeo and Juliet, except the two familes are far more powerful. I am a Sondaica, they work for the Mercuralis. The coup replaced my mother with a leader that would make war. You probably have a year or two before anything changes, but not much more.” 

Clay honestly thinks that wouldn’t be so bad. “And how do we play into this?”

“You were never supposed to. I thought you three were interesting and I wanted to meet you. But then we were ambushed. That soldier was a nobleman. They’re not going to forget about this”. The elf looks down at Clay. “I’m sorry. I thought they would let you go when you ran. Now it’s too late”. 

“So what, we’re just supposed to let you walk away and accept that we’re dead?” Brian asks. His face is red with anger, which is good, because it means that he hasn’t lost too much blood. “We’re geniuses and crazy rich. We’re going on this road trip already, why can’t you come with us? We’ll have a better chance of survival together, and you’re a prince! If your house-“

“Genus”

“If your genus controls half the world, then you’ve got to have allies. Coups are always complicated. If there’s half a chance that you can get your throne back and stop the Mercuralis from taking over the world, we have to try!” He rises up to his full height, which is a good half a foot taller than Marin. 

“Wait, Brian, are you seriously saying that we go off on a quest to save the world?” He’s smiling a bit.

“I’d rather die fighting. At least like this we have a chance.” 

Clay sits back on his heels. This was all typical Brian behavior, really. “We graduated high school last week. We have a fancy car and a lot of money, but that isn’t enough to overthrow a government. This isn’t Star Wars. Four people and a vehicle can’t defeat an entire empire”.

The elf stared down at him, but now it felt metaphorical instead of just physical. “You killed a nobleman, Clay Shepard. They are not going to forgive you.” 

“I killed a nobleman in self-defense after being brainwashed by a renegade prince into traveling with him. We can walk away from this if we want to, and I’m not going to risk my life for you if you keep being this vague.” He glared at Marin. “How can I know that you aren’t using your magic on me right now?”

Marin shrugs off his question. “Mind control doesn’t last. You’d just hate me later. The truth is, I don’t want to die. You three are uniquely capable of keeping me alive, but only if you do it of your own free will”.

Clay isn’t going to die for a maybe-elf that he knows next to nothing about, but he does need his friends. He knows that Brian wis a golden retriever of a man who already bonded with their new friend. He knows that Sierra would never pass up a chance to see real magic, and that the entire idea for a road trip began with her. Either he helped his friends and they all died together, or he went home alone. Or he went back home and hoped that powerful people would ignore him. 

“Fine. I’m in. Are we still going to Redwoods?”

..........

next time, Ishtar, Ryn, and their council discuss some problems.

@caliburn-the-sword @lokiwaffles hi! You rock and I think about you a lot! Thanks for stopping by.

[cheap-jumpscare]

Welcome to Uta's blog population like 2.

helooo I'm Uta or several other names. I go by it/void and many other prns. check my prns.page >here< !!

read this very important thing written by my meowtual please, thanx :D

a lot more detailed info under the cutt ~

DISCLAIMERS ABT ME / BYF ;;

I say slurs (only those I can reclaim!)

I rarely am ever serious!

I can be very sensitive to rejection!

I'm very apathetic in regards to other people; I wish I wasn't!

I can be very harsh or rude on accident!

im basicallt INCAPABLE of processing if/when a joke is taken too far!! :(

Pls tell me if I fuck up i will not know :(

BASIC INFO ;;

diagnosed and medicated ADHD, peer-reviewed as "def autistic" by my autistic little sister and older brother, depression (or at least some of the symptoms)

divorced parents, adopted at birth!

in general there is something fundamentally wrong/silly abt me

i LOVE homestuck, hiveswap, ddlc, genshin, hsr, crk, cats, borzois, drawing, singing, gacha, voice acting, animation, rain world, etc. (hyperfixations r bold and italic like this!!)

i like spiritual stuff (shifting realities, subliminals, etc) and i may reblog stuff like that sometimes <3

i have a bf!!!! NOT ANYMORE /silly

my fav color; tie between red, black, n white. pink n yellow are very close shared-second places

im here to be gay and shitpost man

OTHER SOCIALS ;;

spacehey - cheapjumpscare noplace - hiveswap pesterchum - hollowClown spotify - uta ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ tiktok - qualia.automata

DNIS . . .

thin ice ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, but don't harass or fakeclaim people abt it (i have friends who are endo and they are very cool!!!!!)

post abt politics Regularly (stresses me tf out)

post abt religion christianity at ALL

if you were that one person who told me I was silencing asians by having a cute/pink/"kawaii" aesthetic blog on tumblr in like 2020. yes that was the actual reason. im being so forreal. /silly but also /gen on this being something that actually happened

DNFI (do not fcking interact) ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, and DO harass or fakeclaim people abt it

pro-contact / anti-recovery towards paraphilias

nsfw/kink/18+ centered blogs (i am a minor :/)

pro-harassment/anti-anti-harassment

doxx people or support those who do

believe/participate in cringe culture

pro 🇮🇱 or otherwise not pro 🇵🇸 (its a genocide mf)

^ post pictures of gore n dead kids in relation to the genoc¡de w/o tagging, censoring, or warning ANYYY of it (the reason i left twt)

im on your dni (respect your own gd dni)

RANDOM ASSORTED NONSENSE I THOUGHT WAS FUN !! ;;

my true zodiac is Pittarius !! [homestuck]

probably a

i tend to fixate on characters/whatever so hard i either Want to be them, believe i Am them, or both.

^ speaking of, at the bottom of this post is a list of stuff am that way about

^^ i should add here that the personality assigned doesnt contribute to this (though it certainly helps if i can go "THEY JUS LIKE ME FRR") i just. fixate so hard i go "mm i should be [whatever]" or "i mustve been [whatever] in a past life :D"

^^^ i am, most of the time, not under one of these episodes (idrk what else to call them but im not distressed rlly so shrug)

i barely ever remember to categorize things but i will remember for this blog i promise

ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS ;;

#shut up uta! - yapping. rambling even. general Posts tag. #definitely not stolen! - reblogs !~ #uta time travels (again!) - queue'd posts.. mostly going to be whatever im currently horrifically nuclear levels of autistic abt #uta; nobody needs to know this - TMI posts; complaining abt periods, personal life, etc. etc. etc. it can and will get weird here #uta hears voices part ??? - askbox....... #uta pls shut up fr this time - LIVEBLOGGING ~ #(not) uta; [ANY-CHARACTER-NAME-HERE] - for when i am Fixating So Hard On A Character That I /Gen Believe I AM Them. Temporary. pls humor me/play along /gen. #uta's sprites - Sometimes I post homestuck / hiveswap sprites! this is the tag for that :3

Characters / Things Uta sometimes IS (not exhaustive) ;;

italicized = more current / more likely to be this than not | bold = even more current | italicized & bold = almost always this

PROJECT SEKAI ; Minori Hanasato, Airi Momoi, Emu Otori, Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama VOCALOID / VOCAL SYNTH ; Xi Yi, Hatsune Miku GHOST & PALS ; Tamari [RECKLESS BATTERY BURNS], Say [CHATTERING LACK OF COMMON SENSE], Cakey [APPETITE OF A PEOPLE PLEASER], Teto [PATHOLOGICAL FASCADE] HIVESWAP & HOMESTUCK ; Charun Krojib, Dave Strider / Davesprite, Jade Harley, Karako Pierot, Meulin Leijon, Nepeta Leijon, Tyzias Entykk GENSHIN ; Collei, Fischl, Furina, Hu Tao, Kirara, Lumine, Qiqi, Xingqiu, Yae Miko, Yoimiya COOKIE RUN ; Peach Blossom, Caramel Choux, Linzer, Mozzarella, Affogato, Strawberry Crepe, Cream Puff, Kumiho, Espresso, Vampire, Stardust, Black Pearl, Whipped Cream, Roquefort, Butter Pretzel, Scorpion, Bellflower, Sour Belt, Crowberry, Pizza, Black Garlic, Coffee Candy, Baguette, Gim, S'more, Strawberry Cream, Astronaut, Starch Noodle, Strawberry Stick, Lotus Dragon, Lychee Dragon, Sugar Swan POKEMON [SPECIES] ; Absol [MEGA], Bewear, Blacephalon, Breloom, Carbink, Chatot, Cramorant, Cursola, Darkrai, Dedenne, Delcatty, Delphox, Eevee, Furfrou, Furret [SHINY], Galvantula, Glaceon, Hatterene, Iron Valiant, Jirachi, Kommo-o, Leavanny, Lucario, Lurantis [TOTEM], Luxray, Lycanroc, Maractus, Mareanie, Meowscarada [SHINY], Mew, Milotic, Mimikyu, Mismagius, Mudkip, Nihilego, Pheromosa, Pyukumuku, Raichu [ALOLAN], Rayquaza [SHINY], Sandslash [ALOLAN], Scoliopede, Scorbunny, Serperior, Shaymin, Smoliv, Sneasler, Solgaleo, Sylveon, Tapu Lele, Thievul, Tinkaton, Torracat, Tsareena, Vaporeon, Wooper, Wynaut, Xerneas, Zoroark [SHINY] POKEMON [HUMANS] ; Justy [JELLOAPOCALYPSE DOGS IN LOVE], N, Ingo, Emmet, Roxie, Clemont, Lisia, Lillie, Ilima, Mallow, Acerola, Marnie, Allister, Klara, Sabi, Florian, Penny, Iono, Rika, Ortega, Kieran, Lacey MISC ; wip.... sorrgy :(

Uta's Glorified Kinlist [IN THE KINNIE WAY] ;;

CHARACTERS ; Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama, Charun Krojib, Dave Strider, Fischl, Yoimiya, Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Espresso Cookie, Sprigatito, Ingo, Emmet, Iono, March 7th SONGS ; Born2Run [PENELOPE SCOTT], Hammerhead [PENELOPE SCOTT], Sweet Hibiscus Tea [PENELOPE SCOTT], Baxter Ward is Under Fucking Siege [PENELOPE SCOTT], anarchy [EGG], Digital Girl [KIRA], Nobody [MITSKI], Gay Jokes [RIO ROMEO], Mirror Man [JACK STAUBER]

[bowofbalance]

Please if you would like explain feminist philosphy of language because my only guess at what that entails is womwn being called bossy more than men

I would love to explain! But there's a lot to talk about there and I have a very very bad case of sleepiness right now, so I'll keep it pretty short and confined to the specific questions that I'm interested in.

The philosophy of language covers a huge amount of ground and the feminist philosophy of language just applies those analyses to specifically issues that affect women (feminism).

Catharine MacKinnon specifically wrote against pornography, and the backlash to her was pretty immense. She said that pornography silences and subordinates women, and she was accused of being confused and making a categorical error and whatnot.

Philosophers jumped in to defend MacKinnon using what's called speech act theory (which says that speech can constitute actions, basically - like if I say "I apologize" those words constitute the act of apologizing). Using speech act theory, they argued that it is possible under the right circumstances that pornography can constitute those harms.

That was the beginning of silencing as something studied in the feminist philosophy of language, and silencing is what I'm most interested in.

Silencing is very difficult to define, and there are too many definitions of it to even begin to count, but the simplest way for me to explain it here is as communicative interference. There's some different examples that I could bring here to illuminate the definition: A woman tries to communicate refusal to a man, but because he was socialized to believe that a woman is not sincerely refusing when she says "no," the woman fails to communicate her refusal. The woman in that case would be silenced.

There's also a lot of different types of silencing: People might be silenced because they choose not to speak, knowing that their hearer wouldn't be able to competently listen to them for systemic reasons (Black women are less likely to report domestic violence to the police out of fear of reinforcing stereotypes about their race, for example).

Going based on the example you gave me: A woman runs a team at work and has the authority to give orders to the men who work for her. When she gives them orders, they interpret her orders as requests because she is a woman and they don't acknowledge her authority. They might perceive her as not thanking them enough or not appreciating them enough for doing as they are told, based on their interpretation of her words as requests instead of orders, and this very well might lead them to think of her as bossy or worse. That could, arguably, also silence her.

I'm very much not an authority on the subject, but I am very interested in it and I would love to talk about it more if my best attempt at a summary interested you. This is all also based on other people's work and definitely not my own, and I would be happy to direct people to any of the papers that actually came up with all of these ideas. And, there's a lot of context missing as well that I'd be more than happy to expand on.

[girlvinland]

I keep having thoughts that feel kind of judgmental, but where I’m not exactly trying to be and where I’m trying to make more sense of a particular topic.

I know that I came out late. I kind of hesitate to say “really late” bc wrt to my generation/background/location, I don’t necessarily categorize it like that. And when the entire process began around ~25 (the age I first started questioning if I was a lesbian rather than bisexual), I’m like. Meh about calling it super late or whatever.

And okay. I clearly know what it’s like to stay in a LTR with a man when you don’t actually want to but do it so other people (family, him, etc.) can be happy at the expense of your own happiness and desires. But somehow it’s still hard for me to understand how other people “like me” progress further than I did.

Like, when I got engaged, it was for a very short time because thinking about marrying a man (even one I was close to) was making me physically ill, filling me with this immense grief and everything. I could not actually go through with it once it progressed into a planning-type stage. The idea of going even further, getting married, having a child or children all seems incomprehensible to me. I don’t mean that to come across as vaguely misogynistic, although maybe I do still have some internalized misogyny, because a lot of it is like. I can’t imagine carrying a child in a marriage with a man. I would have brief moments where I could see a family in theory, but when it came to the reality of it, it was always like no. No no no no no. People talk about social dysphoria with gender, and it was almost like that but with sexuality. Like the idea of that was just. Wrong for me.

And I do have a hard time understanding the experiences of other people who came out later who did those things. I know gay men do this too, and idk why it’s so hard for me to wrap my head around. It’s like I can get staying in a LTR with someone you aren’t actually attracted to because people do that all the time anyway, or stay with people who aren’t necessarily good for them or whatever, but things like marriage, kids, etc. Those take so much preparation and so many steps. I don’t know if my thoughts on this are negative or maybe gatekeepy (which I DEFINITELY don’t have a right to be and am not trying to be that way lol), it’s just hard for me because a looooot of spaces for people who came out late include people who are divorced and have kids and I just can’t relate to them/wish I knew more people with my own experience.

[repentmf]

Design-Write: a comparison review - watching two M. Night Shyamalan movies in a row

To say that watching movies has been taxing lately wouldn’t be a stretch. Despite my personal feelings about how Hollywood is handling the production and distribution of Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse and how the ending is practically the end of a Dragon Ball Z episode, I loved the movie. The animation was crisp, the music was bumping, the voice acting was killer, and the setup for the next movie is clear. Now that you think you know my feelings on the movie, let me confuse you proper; I can’t stand Across the Spider-verse. (***Spoilers for the Sixth Sense, Into the Spider-verse, Knock at the Cabin, and Across the Spider-verse ahead***)

The movie has no real climax, falling action, or resolution, and it’s simply something my delicate, little brain can’t handle. To me, a story is a series of events that can categorically be considered opened and closed regardless of whether or not it has title cards, or credits. In AtSV, we end the movie seeing that Gwen has created a band of Spider-people to go find and protect Miles-1610, Miles-1610 is captured by Miles-42 and Aaron-42 after accidentally stumbling into Earth-42, and that the Spot is likely going to kill Miles-1610’s father. And that’s all we can really say about the ending of AtSV. For me, there are no definitive themes in the ending, and no clear-cut motivations for if Miles-42 is actually going to assist or work against Miles-1610 or any other nuggets of information. If somehow Hollywood kills Beyond the Spider-verse, we may never have that closure. In Into the Spider-verse however- Miles-1610 has made some kind of peace by the end of the movie with the fact that he is Spider-man and even enjoys the notion that while he is alone and has difficult obstacles to face, he can think of his friends who are much like him and regain some of his hope and confidence in himself. Confidence in that he can do all of these incredible things, even though he thought he never could. “You could wear the mask,” he remarks. There’s a clear connection and emotional through-line for viewers and characters to latch onto here in Mary Jane-1610’s and Miles-1610’s monologues of “He always said it could've been anyone behind the mask. He was just the kid who happened to get bit,” and it comes off as a completed and realized idea- seeing somewhat meek and afraid Miles-1610 become the hero that saved him in the first half of the movie is engaging, interesting, and more than those- fulfilling.

So much media that we consume in today’s age does not fulfill me. It exists merely in my brain-space as a way to wearily pass my time because I have an addiction to social media. And so I did not have strong hopes and aspirations going into Knock at the Cabin- I mean, any movie following up Spider-verse is already difficult enough as it is, but add in the fact that I am skeptical of and not fond of your past works means I am 98% confident I won’t like what I’m about to watch. But it’s the 4th of July weekend, I’m gonna watch what my family is watching (within reason). And I was definitely right about my gut-reaction. The movie’s pacing is sluggish, the characters (with exception of one) feel wholly static, and the finale feels like it was what the entire movie was written for. The movie and all of its catastrophic events and murders all feel pointless in wake of how the movie ends.

It watches like the movie existed to justify the ending of the movie existing. And this is largely how I feel about the majority of new media that gets released in our time. “The writing does not exist for the people that it’s being written for or about; the people exist to experience the writing.” To be more thorough here, by the time Eric has fully changed his mind (about an hour and a half, if memory serves correctly) an entire feature-length film’s amount of time has already been consumed full of writing that just comes across more as fluff than dynamically altering Eric’s point of view. Credit where credit is due, there is one scene where Eric gets a concussion and talks with the Nurse, Sabrina, and seems to make a small connection- at least hearing out the other side- that there may be a need to believe in something bigger than just the self. But this scene is a drop of interesting characterization and motivation in an otherwise 1-dimensional pond of characters and for me, it all comes down to the writing. The actors themselves did great with what they were given- believable, and sympathetic. The scene mentioned earlier has exactly what I’m talking about: Sabrina shows she’s able to empathize with Eric’s family about not being able to believe that they will really be determining the end of the world- she says she’d think they were religious freaks, too. But this unfortunately isn’t what the movie is about. The movie is about Eric, Andrew, Wen, and their collective decision. Which they do not actually discuss for all but around 10 minutes total. They do finish talking about who should be chosen as a sacrifice to stop the world from ending, but it occurs moments before the world ends and around 15 minutes out from the end of the movie- really, do excuse me if my times are off here, I did not go back and research if I was right on the money. The snail pacing and lack of actions/ influenced choices makes the twist at the end feel like the movie’s reason for existing, rather than the twist just being a cherry on top of a great cake of a movie. While KatC technically meets my initial qualification to be a complete story, it’s not enough to be a story- you also need to have thought and meaning- a clear theme backing your start, middle, and end. And all I was able to gather from KatC is that people suck and Eric should have lived.

So we finish Knock at the Cabin and the next night we’re back at it again- we NEED something to watch because when we’re at the in-law’s house, every night is movie night. Both anx and I had NEVER seen the Sixth Sense (I know, I know- please don’t hurt me) and her brother INSISTED we fixed that. Now this is THE movie of M. Night Shyamalan’s career and I know the twist of the movie. This should be a done-deal. I don’t like his other works, I know the ending of the story going in- and it’s a masterpiece.

Everything I’ve complained about for AtSV and KatC the Sixth Sense just does not do. The Sixth Sense not only has an abundance of characterization for its small cast of characters, but all of them have a collective, clear connection and emotional through-line for both the viewer and the characters to latch onto- hey doesn’t that sound familiar? When Cole has fears about talking to the ghosts that have been appearing to him and finding out what they want, they are CLEARLY well founded and easily related to because he has been hurt by these ghosts. He has been terrified emotionally and scarred physically by them. It’s only by communicating with Malcom that Cole can see that his power is making a difference that can affect not only his situation, but others’ situations. This can be seen from the other direction as well but in the converse way: Malcolm working with and treating Cole through therapy allows Cole to assist with Malcolm himself and his believed-destroyed relationship with his widowed-wife. Malcolm is only able to see that he is gone by allowing himself to continue helping Cole. There’s this beautiful arc of emotional motion that Malcolm and, to a lesser extent, Cole both have from “I have to help people,” to “Can I even help people?” to “I want you to be helped, but I can’t help you,” all the way back to “I’m going to help you, despite my own insecurities.” There’s real, observable change in the story thanks to characters in tSS- and we don’t seem to get that kind of writing from Shyamalan anymore. It’s always about the twist instead of about the movie. Shouldn’t the events of the movie be about the movie? Not about the twist? Not about the next movie? And then if the movie has a twist or sequel, we can all go “I just can’t believe Bruce Willis was a ghost!” When a movie doesn’t have any climaxes, falling actions, resolutions, or visibly-realized dynamic characters, it can be hard to like the movie, let-alone watch it. With all of the CGI/ AI/ multIverse workings, it can be difficult to remember what movies or even media is about- it’s about people. It’s about expression. It’s art. And when the movie isn’t created for those sakes first? The ideas and execution can come out deflated and underbaked.

Rewatch Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse and the Sixth Sense, they’re both masterpieces and two of my favorite movies.

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have a blessed day, fam

[feederandfeedee]

I've sort of a similar question but in reverse to the recent ask that wanted to know how to open up about feedism to her boyfriend; I am a man who is very interested in bigger women, simply put. I suppose there are two questions at hand, really;

1) Tips on opening up on being into the feedism from the feeder perspective to someone who doesn't know about it? Taking it slow, like all kink, is a given.

2) Tips on, shall we say, seducing someone into feedism? Essentially, how do you hit a feedee up without looking like a creep? I'm assuming that the person seems compatible enough in other ways for the relationship to be more than just a wankfest.

Okaayyyy let’s address this one.

1) It really doesn’t matter whether you’re a feeder or a feedee- my advice on “coming out” as a feedist remains the same. Show them a copy of the jar of kinks and be prepared to defend feedism if they have misconceptions.

2) I think you could really use help with this. One word. RESPECT. Categorizing your potential dates as either “wankfest” or “more than just a wankfest” gave me major creep vibes so you’ve definitely got some work to do. Also I’m confused? Are you seducing someone into feedism or are you approaching a feedee cause those seem like two entirely different situations. Or do you need tips on seducing someone that’s into feedism? I’m gonna make a judgement call and say that the latter of those options was what you meant. In that case let’s get into it. One thing to remember is that there’s a looootttt of men attempting to go after any given female feedee (I’m using male vs female because the asker is specified as male seeking advice for pursuing females). (Be respectful obviously) but you’ve also got to stand out a little bit. If I were in the game, only after setting up a detailed profile with pictures and interesting facts about myself and what I’m looking for (that focus less on feedism/fetishy stuff), I’d maybe draft up a message that I feel really confident about sending as an opener to someone I’m interested in. Then when you find someone you’re interested in, take that message template and jazz it up and personalize it enough to send out to that specific girl. Example:

Hey “name” [insert compliment here (don’t make this a sexualized compliment)], I think it’s so cool you’re into [mention something from her bio or a recent post she made (because you definitely did some digging on her page and looked at more than just her pics before sending this message)]. You know I [relate to that interest you just mentioned]! So it’s so cool too see someone else into that thing too! Oh btw wanted to ask [a question that you think she won’t be able to resist answering]. Anyways, yeah! I think you’re cool (or something like that) gonna go (say something cool here dork) and hope you message me back :)

Ok not the best but I literally came up with that in like 2 seconds. Notice how I mentioned the part about asking her a question that you think she won’t be able to resist answering. If you’ve read this far then you’re gonna get the juiciest tip in the world right now. I don’t reply to messages sent to me privately. Not ever. Unless someone mentions something that I just can’t resist putting my 2 cents in on. And I can assure you, everyone’s got something. If you happen to guess the right subject, then you’re guaranteed a reply.

Also, keep in mind that my advice is not fool proof. Just because you put the effort in doesn’t mean that the person you’re messaging owes you a response. Get comfortable with rejection. And listen, if you do what I say, and put a lot of effort into approaching a woman and she doesn’t reply, don’t immediately take that as a loss. Why would you want a reply from someone who doesn’t appreciate all the effort you put forth or see the value in that? The answer is you don’t, move on! You’ll find someone that does.

[junipcrs]

 juno  is  practically  brimming  with  excitement  as  she  enters  the  wired  studio  .  she’s  really  got  nothing  to  hide  and  after  years  of  watching  wired’s  autocomplete  series  ,  juno  already  has  a  whole  thing  envisioned  .  she  wouldn’t  necessarily  categorize  herself  as  a  nepo  baby  but  she  could  definitely  see  how  she’d  fall  into  the  category  .  super  rich  parents  .  a  mother  who’s  a  known  socialite  ,  philanthropist  and  at  one  point  ,  a  model  .  and  a  father   who’s  a  prominent  figurehead  in  new  york  real   estate  .  she’s  got  a  leg  up  on  the  others  .    //    @nepofminspo​

“  hi  i’m  juno  choi  and  this  is  the  WIRED  autocomplete  interview  ...  ”

autocomplete  suggests  the  most  common  searches  on  the  internet

“  i’m  actually  super  excited  for  this  .  i’ve  always  wanted  to  do  one  of  these  .  ”

so  WIRED  asked  juno  choi  some  of  the  internet’s  burning  questions​​

WHO  ...

“  alright  ,  here  we  go  .  ”  [  juno  is  chuckling  as  she  rips  off  the  piece  of  paper  ]

who  is  JUNO  CHOI  ?

“  that  feels  like  a  very  loaded  question  .  who  am  i  ?  what  am  i  ?  just  kidding  .  hi  ,  for  those  of  you  who  don’t  know  me  ,  i’m  juno  .  i  really  like  cars  .  ”

who  does  JUNO  CHOI  look  like  ?

“  i  think  all  you  kdrama  fans  might  know  the  answer  to  this  but  a  lot  of  people  say  i  look  like  this  one  korean  actress  ,  kim  yoo-jung  .  love  her  .  love  her  work  .  ”

who  is  JUNO  CHOI  related  to  ?

“  my  mom  ,  alexis  ,  and  my  dad  ,  colin  .  if  you’re  both  watching  this  ,  hi  .  ”  [  juno  waves  at  the  camera  ]  “  and  i  can’t  forget  josie  .  love  you .  ”  [  juno  makes  a  heart  at  the  camera  ]

who  does  JUNO  CHOI  look  up  to  ?

“  my  uncle  hunter  .  taught  me  all  i  know  about  cars  .  and  also  the  man  responsible  for  making  me  unbearable  when  it  comes  to  talking  about  cars  .  ”  [  juno  laughs  ]  “  and  jane  fonda  .  she  just  exudes  this  energy  that  i  personally  love  .  she’s  just  so  proudly  her  and  doesn’t  give  a  [  bleep  ]  ––  sorry  i  forgot  i  technically  can’t  say  that  .  ”  [  juno  sheepishly  chuckles  ]

HOW  ...

how  is  JUNO  CHOI  ?

“  i’m  doing  well  ,  thanks  for  asking  !  ”

how  can  i  meet  JUNO  CHOI  ?

“  uhh  ,  well  ––  if  you  ever  see  me  out  an  about  don’t  be  shy  .  come  say  hi  .  i  promise  i  don’t  bite  .  ”

how  tall  is  JUNO  CHOI  ?

“  i  think  i’m  five  foot  seven  ,  last  i  checked  .  ”

IS  ...

is  JUNO  CHOI  from  new  york  ?

“  i  am  ,  yeah  .  born  and  raised  in  manhattan  .  ”

is  JUNO  CHOI  in  a  relationship  ?

“  i  am  currently  not  in  a  relationship  .  single  as  a  pringle  and  that’s  okay  .  don’t  let  anyone  convince  you  that  being  single  is  a  problem  .  ”

is  JUNO  CHOI  in  love  ?

“  that’s  a  loaded  question  .  can  i  say  i  love  my  cars  ?  because  i  do  .  they’re  my  babies  .  but  if  you’re  talking  about  romantic  love  then  no  .  platonic  and  familial  love  ,  of  course  .  i  love  my  friends  and  family  .  ”

WHAT  ...

what  is  JUNO  CHOI  known  for  ?

“  i  guess  i’d  say  i’m  known  for  my  stunt  driving  work  ?  other  than  that  ,  i  guess  it’s  how  much  i  post  my  restored  cars  on  instagram  .  ”  [  juno  laughs  lightly  ]

what  is JUNO  CHOI’S  zodiac  sign  ?

“  i  am  a  virgo  sun  ,  scorpio  moon  ,  cancer  rising  .  ”

what  is  JUNO  CHOI  starbucks  order  ?

“  a  little  basic  but  my  go-to  starbucks  order  is  a  nitro  coldbrew  with  vanilla  sweet  cream  .  ”

what  was  JUNO  CHOI  first  job  ?

“  technically  ,  my  first  job  was  when  i  modeled  for  a  gap  campaign  in  2004  .  first  job  as  an  adult  ?  i  got  a  small  gig  as  a  stunt  driver  .  ”

what  was  JUNO  CHOI  first  movie  ?

“  john  wick:  chapter  2  and  i  will  never  forget  it  .  it  was  such  a  surreal  experience  and  keanu  reeves  ?  he  is  just  wonderful  .  love  him  .  love  working  with  him  .  honestly  love  any  movie  where  i  get  to  work  with  him  .  ”

what  languages  can  JUNO  CHOI  speak  ?

“  at  the  moment  ,  i  can  speak  korean  ,  french  ,  spanish  ,  latin  ,  greek  and  i’m  currently  learning  how  to  speak  italian  .  ”

DOES  ...

does  JUNO  CHOI  have  tattoos  ?

“  i  currently  do  not  have  any  tattoos  .  but  that  might  chance  depending  on  when  this  video  is  published  .  ”

does  JUNO  CHOI  have  siblings  ?

“  i  do  !  i  have  a  younger  sister  .  ”  [  juno  turns  to  stare  intensely  at  the  camera  ]  “  rosie  ,  if  you’re  watching  this  ,  i  want  my  jacket  back  .  you  know  which  one  i’m  talking  about  .  ”

does  JUNO  CHOI  like  LIVIA  KELLY  ?

“  she’s  one  of  my  closest  friends  so  i  feel  like  it’s  kind  of  a  given  that  i  like  her  .  that’s  a  pretty  big  requirement  to  establish  a  friendship  .  ”

does  JUNO  CHOI  do  yoga  ?

“  on  occasion  .  i  just  need  to  be  more  consistent  with  it  .  ”

does  JUNO  CHOI  have  a  pet  ?

“  i  do  !  i  recently  adopted  a  cat  .  ”  [  juno  pulls  out  her  phone  and  shows  a  picture  of  her  cat  to  the  camera  ]  “  his  name  is  dubu  and  i  love  him  .  ”

DID  ...

did  JUNO  CHOI  date  LIVIA  KELLY  ?

 [  juno  laughs  before  she  finishes  removing  the  piece  of  paper  ]  “  i  hate  to  disappoint  because  i  know  some  of  you  have  your  theories  but  we’ve  never  dated  .  you  heard  it  here  first  folks  !  ”

did  JUNO  CHOI  ever  delete  their  social  media  ?

“  delete  ,  no  .  gone  on  a  really  long  hiatus  ?  yes  ,  absolutely  .  ”

WHERE  ...

where  did  JUNO  CHOI  go  to  college  ?

“ i  went  to  columbia  for  undergrad  and  cornell  for  grad  school  .  ”

where  is  JUNO  CHOI  right  now ?

“  well  ...  i’m  currently  in  new  york  at  an  unnamed  studio  with  wired  !  ”

[  juno  tosses  the  prop  behind  her  as  the  extended  endscreen  comes  on  to  show  wired’s  other  videos  ]  

“  well  i  appreciate  the  kinda  intrusive  but  also  basic  questions  you  all  have  about  me  .  ”

[life-on-the-dl]

This is a blog that I want to use to explore and detail my experience as a man on the Down Low or “DL,” which is how I will refer to I from the is point. For someone not familiar with this I’ll cover some F.A.Qs so as they come up throughout this blog you can refer back to them.

What is on the DL, as copied from Wikipedia, Down-low is an African-American slang term specifically used within the African-American community that typically refers to a sexual subculture of Black men who usually identify as heterosexual but actively seek sexual encounters and relations with other men, practice gay cruising, and frequently adopt a specific hip-hop attire during these activities. They generally avoid disclosing their same-sex sexual activities, even if they have female sexual partner(s), they are married to a woman, or they are single. The term is also used to refer to a related sexual identity. Down-low has been viewed as "a type of impression management that some of the informants use to present themselves in a manner that is consistent with perceived norms about masculine attribute, attitudes, and behavior".

That is pretty much it though I don’t adopt a specific hip-hop attire and don’t know of anyone that does but that’s the gist of it. I have been on the DL since 1996 when I was a senior in high school, at least that is the timeframe of my first experience though I could argue that I really didn’t embrace that lifestyle till the 2000s when I decided that I wanted to have an encounter with a man. Truthfully I did not even know about being on the DL till well past my first few experiences, I stumbled across it and the definition of it related to me. Though at the time it was a strong belief of those not in that lifestyle that any man who participates in that is considered gay. This was a time where men starting to identify as bisexual but even those men were still categorized as being gay or just confused gay men. I did not want that label and felt like keeping my experiences secret was my best choice. I had considered myself bi-curious to give myself a definition of where I stood but kept that to myself or communicated that when seeking someone to have a shared experience with. On some level I do regret it because the caution I took in doing so kept me from fully embracing experiences. The internal struggle I faced after hookups delayed me from figuring out who I am while I denied who I was if that makes sense. When the majority of society is screaming this point of view that you don’t agree with you hesitate to be brave enough to step out of the societal norms out of fear of facing those labels and repercussions. I did not want my family or friends to know and feared what would happen if they found out, though my sexual life is no one’s business we all tend to make it ours as a society. Additionally, I will often talk about masculinity and femininity. The conflicts of sexual acts that are considered feminine but as a masculine man doing can confuse you. I think as a young man that was a difficult path to navigate but as a middle age man I can tell that one does not mean the other. I’ll try to limit my rambles in this blog, as much as I’m gonna share in hopes of being relatable to others like me, this is also therapeutic on some level for me as I continue to navigate that lifestyle. I hope you join me on the trip.

[cazort]

Hey just a heads up, a terf with the username @/rabid-tarantulas is following you. Just wanted to let you know so you can block if you need

I have a lot to say in response to this ask. So first, thanks for writing and I do appreciate the desire to help.

I am aware of this user, I discovered them through this post of theirs, which was explicitly affirming of intersex openly not identifying on the gender binary, which is something I support.

Now a big comment here, that I'd encourage you and everyone to reflect on: I don't ever like using the term "terf" to refer to people. TERF is an ideology, Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminism. Calling a person a "terf" is problematic in a long list of ways, one of which is that people don't adhere to the idelogy in an all-or-nothing way. When we call certain people TERFs and not others, it gives the wrong impression that you can cleanly categorize people into the TERF or non-TERF bin. I've noticed that a lot of people who claim to oppose TERF ideology, actually hold a lot of views that seem TERF-adjacent. I can't even count how many times "progressive" people who openly advertise that they support trans rights, have suddenly flipped on me, throwing my pronoun preference and nonbinary identity out the window, and attacking me as a "man", just because I disagreed with something they say. It's like, oh, trans people deserve respect and I'll acknowledge their identity and defer to their pronoun preference but only if they agree with me. Yes, I've had both cis and trans people treat me this way.

But it's also problematic to call people "a terf" like as a noun, because it's a negative label. It's a personal attack. But it's also not particularly truthful the way it is used. For example, I've been conversing with the user you drew attention to here, and they are certainly not someone who fits the profile of "typical TERF" viewpoints.

Over the years I've conversed with a lot of people who identify as radical feminists, "gender critical" feminists (the newer term for TERF ideology used by people who support or adhere to those viewpoints), and lots of others who hold varying degrees of TERF-adjacent viewpoints, and one thing that is clear is that there is a huge range of viewpoints among people who post TERF or TERF-adjacent content. These viewpoints range from stuff that is overtly hateful towards trans people, to stuff that is aggressively dismissing of trans people's identities but not overtly hateful, to stuff that is dismissive of trans people's identities but more respectfully worded. TERF ideology is also frequently associated with man-hating, but the degree to which people get into this varies hugely.

I think a lot of the ideas in TERF are untruthful, and as such I think it's important to challenge them. However I also think some of the disagreements between TERF and mainstream progressive ideologies surrounding trans people, are more a question of semantics or differing definitions than anything else. I also sometimes dislike how mainstream trans activism has pushed ideas into the mainstream, and some of those ideas can be problematic at times too, and just like TERF, it can be problematic how these ideas are advanced.

For example, I know a lot of older trans people who use terms like MtF, FtM, and use language like "I was born a woman / I became a man / etc." and I have seen people who use the newer terminology attack, argue with, and publicly shame these other people, saying they are "wrong" or are promoting "transphobic" viewpoints when they're just using the language that helped them through their journey of discovery of their trans identity.

I get really uncomfortable too with the idea that it's bad to interact with someone just because you disagree with them, and with any sort of social norms that encourage people to push out and ostracize others.

Like the fact that you wrote an ask to me, about a user who has only liked and reblogged a few of my posts, starting in the past 24 hours, makes me wonder how many other users you have contacted. I recognize you are probably trying to help, but I also am not sure that what you are doing is going to be having the effect that you think it has. What would happen if anyone who ever voiced any TERF-adjacent viewpoints, were totally shunned and ostracized by the community of trans-supportive people on Tumblr? It's not going to ban these people, it's just going to isolate them to where they only interact with other people who have viewpoints that are not particularly supportive of or respectful to trans people. It virtually guarantees that these people will become further radicalized.

Do you want to create a world where people are isolated of people into echo chambers where everyone is surrounded only by people who think exactly alike?

I don't. I find this idea horrifying. And we already see this on a lot of the other social media, like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter, where the algorithmic feeds show people more of what they want to see and create echo chambers and reinforce groupthink. And predictably, politics gets more polarized, extremism rises in many different forms. I've seen the shift over the past two decades of my life and it's been horrific. Back when I was a teenager, I could converse with people with a wide range of political views and they'd more-or-less be respectful of me and of each other. Even the worst presidents in my life, like Reagan, were respectful when they talked about their political opponents. Now we have unhinged people like Trump, and people think that anyone with views other than theirs are necessarily hateful people, bad people, and "the enemy". It's terribly unhealthy. And it contributes to mental illness too.

I can protect myself. I block people on this site almost every day, if you count bots, and still pretty frequently if you only count real users.

If a user posts stuff that I don't like, I won't follow them. I don't need to block them unless they're either messaging me disrespectful stuff, adding disrespectful commentary on reblogs of my post, or posting content I find disrespectful or annoying in tags that I browse.

But no, I don't want to block this user, at least not unless they become much more disrespectful to me than they have been. And I would encourage you and anyone reading this to reconsider both the practice of labeling people TERF's, and the practice of encouraging people to block anyone they see voice TERF or TERF-adjacent views. And I'd also encourage you and everyone to introspect and consider whether or not you harbor any TERF-adjacent views yourself, because it's something that, in my experience, a lot of people actually do harbor.

And on top of that I would also encourage you to more broadly, embrace the idea that it is good for people who have different viewpoints to interact. Sometimes people are disrespectful and then you can block them. That's fine. But it is rare that it is in any way warranted to go around warning other users about someone. That would require a truly dangerous level of negative behavior far beyond anything I have seen here.