#definitely not stolen!

[cheap-jumpscare]

im a mess

[cheap-jumpscare]

Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen, specifically;

today’s date is the 3rd? what’s next, the 4th? the 5th? the minor fall, the major lift? 

[binglepringle]

Batgirl, the World’s Prettiest Princess™️🫶🏼✨

[noyzinerd]

Sterek Rival Lawyers AU

It's A (Court) Date

Imagine, high-class, Ivy League, hot-shot, attorney Derek comes back from New York to the family firm to take over as partners with his sister after his parents decide to step down. He may not be on the level of his mother yet, but he's cut his teeth against Wall Street wolves and ruthless white-collar sharks. Derek's more than proved himself, so he just can't fathom these small criminal court cases his family is making him take "before he's truly ready" to be a part of the family business.

Enter in his first case. Right out the gate, the state assigned defense is, not only late to court, but also arrives in a flurry of limbs and papers, tripping all over himself, and profusely apologizing to the room as a whole. "Sorry! Sorry! Car trouble!"

The guy is out of breath, tie crooked and hair a mess. It makes Derek wrinkle his nose at the unprofessionalism and the blatant disrespect to everyone's valuable time.

The presiding judge, the Honorable Ms. Lydia Martin, only sighs a heavy sigh, as if this sight is nothing new, and says "Mr. Stilinski, I suggest you don't let it happen again."

Derek is honestly getting annoyed by how easy this is going to be. He could've been doing literally anything else right about now rather than being here going against a common rent-a-lawyer with some Podunk community-college degree. The opening statement for the defense is laughably inept. Full of nervous stuttering, backtracking, running tangents, and babbling. He's still apologizing, trying to assure the jury that he's just having an off-day today.

It's embarrassing to watch.

Nonetheless, Derek goes through the motions, practiced and poised. Examines all the evidence, presenting times and dates, prior arrest records, the works.

During this time, Mr. Stilinski is frantically (and VERY LOUDLY) flitting through a cartoonishly large stack of papers and whispering to his client. Derek has to fight to grit his teeth through his presentation.

Finally, it's time for Mr. Stilinski to cross-examine Derek's client and, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of Derek's long, long spiral of madness for the rest of his career.

"Judge Martin, I would like to move to have this case thrown out."

"Oh?" asks Judge Martin. For some reason, there's an amused smirk, almost fond, tugging at her lips "On what grounds?"

A giddy, almost manic, grin takes over the defense attorney's face just then. "On the grounds that the prosecution's client is full of bullshit."

The judge rolls her eyes and an exasperated "Stiles," slips from her lips, seemingly against her will. (Derek's not really surprised by the familiarity between the two of them. With how often state-assigned lawyers are called to the courtroom on small cases, it wouldn't be too big of a leap to suggest they might be chummy.)

"Respectfully, of course." Mr. Stilinski--er Stiles?--winks back at her.

"Objection. Your honor, this is ridiculous."

"Overruled. Make your point, Stilinski."

"Mr. Davis says he saw my client at 12:30 P.M., on August 4th, attempting to take his back-right hubcap outside his apartment. Mr. Davis' apartment complex at that time, on that particular day, would have cast a huge shadow over the back lot as evidenced by the gaudy sundial-art-installation outside the courthouse. Meanwhile, my client's picture, when taken in for questioning, has a sunburn on the entire right side of his face. This would corroborate Mr. Lyle's story of walking home alone, down the upper, unshaded side of Elmore Street, during one of the hottest days of the year, for an hour straight. Also, the fact that Mr. Davis has no realistic idea how long it would actually take a person to steal a hubcap should be evidence enough."

"Uh-huh. And this wouldn't happen to be something you've ever had any expertise in, would it, counsel?"

"I plead the 5th."

And just like that, Derek's case is thrown out so quick, he's still reeling about it all the way home.

For the next two years, this becomes Derek's life. This man, this Stiles Stilinski, keeps showing up like a whirlwind and absolutely puts him in his paces.

Stiles, as he insists Derek call him, is a powerhouse. Relentless and unstoppable. That mouth can filibuster for literal hours (which, for those unfamiliar, is when someone legally cannot be forced to give up their time on the floor as long as they can keep talking), that brain quick as a whip, with a hunger for research, a mastery of the English language svelte enough to trip up even the most well-rehearsed lie, and an attention to detail like nothing Derek has ever witnessed before. It's like he knows every law inside and out. Lives it. Breathes it. It's like he had been raised on the law his whole life. Not only that, it's like Stiles enjoys it. Every case is a new game to get excited about.

All of it makes Derek's blood boil.

However, it's not always about losing to Stiles all the time, because, honestly, that might be less humiliating.

In truth, when faced against Stiles, Derek's bound to win about 60% of the time. Out of that 60%, only 5% of those wins actually feel earned. As for the other 55%?

He knows Stiles is letting him win.

Derek can't prove it, but he knows the asshole is holding back on purpose nearly half the time. Knowing that Stiles could have beaten him if he wanted to, but didn't, is somehow more frustrating than just losing.

He hates Stiles.

He hates that the guy is so chipper and playful all the damn time. He hates that Stiles could probably work at any firm he wanted, could make enough money to get a decent car that doesn't shit out all the time, could buy a proper-fitting suit, but instead CHOOSES to stay here "watching out for the little guy", as he so put it.

He hates that facing Stiles in court is the most challenged, the most motivated he's ever felt in his entire life. He hates that Stiles brings out in him the spark of passion and drive Derek had long thought had died. He hates that Stiles always tries to banter with him during recess or whenever they have to exchange evidence.

He hates finding out that Stiles only loses cases on purpose when his endless amounts of research points to the defendant actually being guilty of horrendous crimes, because Stiles is a good fucking person.

He hates Stiles' constant teasing and he hates that Stiles is somehow able to bring Derek down to his childish level to tease back. He hates how much he looks forward to court-dates with Stiles now. He hates being invited out by Stiles over and over to grab a bite together after a long day, as if Stiles hasn't been wiping the floor with him on this case for the last month. He hates it even more that he always accepts and that now they have their own designated booth at the diner across the street. Derek's so unbelievably frustrated, it makes him want to bite Stiles at the neck just to hear that smartass mouth squeal.

"Hey, I ever tell you I was thinking of quitting before you arrived?" Stiles asks one night as they're walking to their cars.

Derek's head immediately snaps to him at that. "What?"

Stiles smiles distantly at the thought. "Oh, yeah. Things had started feeling like being trapped in a cubicle, y'know? There wasn't any challenge in it anymore."

"What made you stay?"

"Well...you did. You were the first, serious competition I'd faced in a while. It wasn't a matter of winning just to win, anymore. Going against you always reminded me of the reason why it was important for me to win. It gave me stakes, because now there was an actual chance I could lose and an innocent person could go to jail. You, I don't know, kinda reignited my passion for fighting the good fight, I guess."

Derek can feel his heart thumping hard in his chest. He wants to say 'You did the same for me!' He wants to tell Stiles that he didn't think his life could ever be this fun or happy or messy or chaotic or exhilarating or challenging or fulfilling before coming to Beacon Hills.

But just as Derek goes to open his mouth to sing Stiles' praises, he instead finds himself roughly shoving him up against the Camaro and biting hungrily at that mouth and tongue that's been the bane of his existence. There's a surprised little squeak that Derek quickly swallows up, but it isn't long before they're both tearing at each others' clothes and fucking each other dirty in the backseat of Derek's car.

What's crazy is, after they get together, nothing in their careers really changes. The only difference is now they get to fuck each others' brains out after an intense battle in court (and the sound Stiles makes when Derek bites him is exactly what he always imagined it would sound like). They still face against each other on opposite sides in court. They still give it everything they got, no conceding even if they are dating now. Not to mention, Derek wouldn't dream of tempting Stiles over to his firm. Not when he knows Stiles is at his best staying where he's at.

The day Derek's family finally decides it's time for him to take over the firm with Laura is the best day of his and Stiles' lives.

Not only does Derek tell them he's declining, he hires Stiles as his attorney to negotiate terms against his entire family of well-seasoned lawyers.

The entire month-long negotiation results in Derek, not saying a single word, but absolutely beaming as he watches his boyfriend run circles around his mother, his father, his uncle, and both of his sisters on contracts. It's so unbelievably hot, they're banging on whatever flat surface they can get their hands on every time they leave the boardroom. There's even one very memorable blowjob in the empty hall outside the boardroom when Stiles somehow manages to get Peter to agree to a (most likely illegal) clause dictating the firm will pay Stiles a finder's fee for any pro-bono case Stiles takes on outside of Beacon Hills that strikes his fancy.

And, no one says it, but they all know Derek definitely, 100%, dragged his own firm through this negotiation just to show off how incredible Stiles is to his family and preen about it.

--

Fast-forward, Derek is going to be in the audience for the first time for one of Stiles' cases.

While waiting in the hall, Derek sees a familiar face from his New York days. The prosecution has hired the eighth best lawyer money can get, Jackson Whittemore. He's sporting a Rolex, sunglasses indoors, and the face of someone who thinks he's above literally every other person in town.

Well, at least until he sees Derek.

For some reason, Jackson seems to think Derek is all the way out in the middle of nowhere to 'watch a master at work' (which...well...is technically true...).

As Derek goes to sit in the audience, Jackson tells him in passing, "This'll be over so fast, probably won't even get a chance to learn the other guy's name."

Derek chuckles and says back, "Ooh, buddy, you have no idea."

Before Jackson can think more on that, a whirlwind of limbs and papers suddenly hurls through the doors.

Derek sits back, gets comfy, and waits eagerly for the show to begin.

My first moodboard. Hope you enjoy. AU based on a discussion with @casually-eat-my-soul (I suggest checking out their version). This was kind of like a divergence from that (the brain juices just started flowing).

[cheap-jumpscare]

ive won

Another quiz for if you were a fictional character how would your fandom treat you (if you think your life is too boring to have a fandom just think of yourself as living the domestic!au of some sci-fi or fantasy)

reblog with your results

[abzania]

Aziraphale looks at Crowley like he hung the stars.

Because he did.

[cheap-jumpscare]

You. YOUUUU I KNOW YOU. I DIND’T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.

IVE BEEN A TUMBLR USERNSOMCE 2020???

[skrunksthatwunk]

kurama has access to forbidden strains + shiori wedding shenanigans

[cheap-jumpscare]

i did not actively choose to get WEIRD for this /silly

I made a what the fandom thinks of you generator

edit: please remember

1. i have to read all the tags

2. ITS RANDOMLY GENERATED I AM SORRY IF YOU DONT LIKE YOUR RESULT BUT DO NOT FUCKING HARASS ME ABOUT IT

thank you

[kenneduck]

Riju has the comfiest bed in Hyrule. With the blankets and seals, it’s the softest, comfiest, most calming bed to sleep in. During BOTW years, Link knocked out on it unbeknownst to Riju. He experienced the true luxury of a comfortable bed. He slept in longer than he ever had before. (not including the 100 year sleep) When Riju headed to bed herself, she was surprised to see the chaotic wild gremlin hero snoring and cuddling her stuffed seals. Looking so peaceful. It made her happy to know he could rest and feel so safe. She didn’t dare to wake him. Even though that meant him sleeping for a solid 14 hours straight.

Whenever Riju notices Link looking sore or beaten up, she asks if he’d be interested in a sleepover. Sure, she has fun trying on Link’s clothes as he tries on hers. Or doing each other’s makeup. That, and he’s basically her older brother at this point. But, what she enjoys most is knowing he’s getting some of the best sleep in his life. Also, there’s the added bonus of sneaking pictures of Link cuddling her stuffed seals to tease him about when he’s awake.

[doveywovy]

:( its sad nobody does aus where izuna comes around on the concept of the village and then madara still eventually leaves it and izuna stays behind. like izuna is famously stubborn so i think if you've written him as actually being convinced that Konoha is worth it, he'll stick it out to an insane degree. that includes staying even if madara leaves.

i could imagine him becoming the second hokage, partially out of people respecting his commitment to the cause after his brother abandoned it. honestly you could even get interesting with tobirama in this version of it because you have a lot of canon paths to go down with this. Izuna picking Konoha over Madara would firmly place him in the same mental space as Itachi or Kagami to Tobirama ("he chose the village over X and thus is a wonderful shinobi who i respect") leading to an overly respectful tobirama, which would completely alter his legacy. like you as the reader might know hes kind of insane about the uchiha but the village would just see him dutifully supporting an uchiha hokage.

Alternatively Tobirama's deep seated issues with Izuna specifically could make it difficult for him to see Izuna in that way and he could have a total crash out, ruining his legacy (lol) and slotting him in the same historical space as madara, ironically.

OR third option, he's weird about Izuna but also cautiously supportive, so he's just like a really helpful assistant to him who happens to constantly be checking Izuna for signs of what he considers mental degradation. Izuna is either slowly poisoning him or slowly sowing political rumors about him, either way he's putting in the effort to keep tobirama weak enough (mentally/politically) that he can't do anything against him but is also still around to assist because he is a useful second. I think in this version Izuna would pick Kagami as his heir, both because Kagami is the best trained for it and because Izuna would ensure power remains with the Uchiha, but also somewhat because Tobirama cannot argue against it (Thats HIS student) but wouldn't have picked him first out of all his students (As we know canonically).

this would mean during canon when all the hokage are brought back tobirama isn't and Izuna is, which would do a lot to the plot but this post is long enough so im leaving it there. immovable force vs unstoppable object izuna vs madara essentially

[chimchiri]

Little bonus from the Harrow + Glasses ask

Paranoid Harrow has successfully kept her dark secret of terrible eyesight from Griddle for years. Until she ran out of contacts (or simply forgot them) in the chaos of Canaan house. Gideon cannot unsee the googly eyes.

I couldn't get a version with her face paint on which I liked - forgive me !

[cheap-jumpscare]

Welcome to Uta's blog population like 2.

helooo I'm Uta or several other names. I go by it/void and many other prns. check my prns.page >here< !!

read this very important thing written by my meowtual please, thanx :D

a lot more detailed info under the cutt ~

DISCLAIMERS ABT ME / BYF ;;

I say slurs (only those I can reclaim!)

I rarely am ever serious!

I can be very sensitive to rejection!

I'm very apathetic in regards to other people; I wish I wasn't!

I can be very harsh or rude on accident!

im basicallt INCAPABLE of processing if/when a joke is taken too far!! :(

Pls tell me if I fuck up i will not know :(

BASIC INFO ;;

diagnosed and medicated ADHD, peer-reviewed as "def autistic" by my autistic little sister and older brother, depression (or at least some of the symptoms)

divorced parents, adopted at birth!

in general there is something fundamentally wrong/silly abt me

i LOVE homestuck, hiveswap, ddlc, genshin, hsr, crk, cats, borzois, drawing, singing, gacha, voice acting, animation, rain world, etc. (hyperfixations r bold and italic like this!!)

i like spiritual stuff (shifting realities, subliminals, etc) and i may reblog stuff like that sometimes <3

i have a bf!!!! NOT ANYMORE /silly

my fav color; tie between red, black, n white. pink n yellow are very close shared-second places

im here to be gay and shitpost man

OTHER SOCIALS ;;

spacehey - cheapjumpscare noplace - hiveswap pesterchum - hollowClown spotify - uta ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ tiktok - qualia.automata

DNIS . . .

thin ice ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, but don't harass or fakeclaim people abt it (i have friends who are endo and they are very cool!!!!!)

post abt politics Regularly (stresses me tf out)

post abt religion christianity at ALL

if you were that one person who told me I was silencing asians by having a cute/pink/"kawaii" aesthetic blog on tumblr in like 2020. yes that was the actual reason. im being so forreal. /silly but also /gen on this being something that actually happened

DNFI (do not fcking interact) ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, and DO harass or fakeclaim people abt it

pro-contact / anti-recovery towards paraphilias

nsfw/kink/18+ centered blogs (i am a minor :/)

pro-harassment/anti-anti-harassment

doxx people or support those who do

believe/participate in cringe culture

pro 🇮🇱 or otherwise not pro 🇵🇸 (its a genocide mf)

^ post pictures of gore n dead kids in relation to the genoc¡de w/o tagging, censoring, or warning ANYYY of it (the reason i left twt)

im on your dni (respect your own gd dni)

RANDOM ASSORTED NONSENSE I THOUGHT WAS FUN !! ;;

my true zodiac is Pittarius !! [homestuck]

probably a

i tend to fixate on characters/whatever so hard i either Want to be them, believe i Am them, or both.

^ speaking of, at the bottom of this post is a list of stuff am that way about

^^ i should add here that the personality assigned doesnt contribute to this (though it certainly helps if i can go "THEY JUS LIKE ME FRR") i just. fixate so hard i go "mm i should be [whatever]" or "i mustve been [whatever] in a past life :D"

^^^ i am, most of the time, not under one of these episodes (idrk what else to call them but im not distressed rlly so shrug)

i barely ever remember to categorize things but i will remember for this blog i promise

ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS ;;

#shut up uta! - yapping. rambling even. general Posts tag. #definitely not stolen! - reblogs !~ #uta time travels (again!) - queue'd posts.. mostly going to be whatever im currently horrifically nuclear levels of autistic abt #uta; nobody needs to know this - TMI posts; complaining abt periods, personal life, etc. etc. etc. it can and will get weird here #uta hears voices part ??? - askbox....... #uta pls shut up fr this time - LIVEBLOGGING ~ #(not) uta; [ANY-CHARACTER-NAME-HERE] - for when i am Fixating So Hard On A Character That I /Gen Believe I AM Them. Temporary. pls humor me/play along /gen. #uta's sprites - Sometimes I post homestuck / hiveswap sprites! this is the tag for that :3

Characters / Things Uta sometimes IS (not exhaustive) ;;

italicized = more current / more likely to be this than not | bold = even more current | italicized & bold = almost always this

PROJECT SEKAI ; Minori Hanasato, Airi Momoi, Emu Otori, Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama VOCALOID / VOCAL SYNTH ; Xi Yi, Hatsune Miku GHOST & PALS ; Tamari [RECKLESS BATTERY BURNS], Say [CHATTERING LACK OF COMMON SENSE], Cakey [APPETITE OF A PEOPLE PLEASER], Teto [PATHOLOGICAL FASCADE] HIVESWAP & HOMESTUCK ; Charun Krojib, Dave Strider / Davesprite, Jade Harley, Karako Pierot, Meulin Leijon, Nepeta Leijon, Tyzias Entykk GENSHIN ; Collei, Fischl, Furina, Hu Tao, Kirara, Lumine, Qiqi, Xingqiu, Yae Miko, Yoimiya COOKIE RUN ; Peach Blossom, Caramel Choux, Linzer, Mozzarella, Affogato, Strawberry Crepe, Cream Puff, Kumiho, Espresso, Vampire, Stardust, Black Pearl, Whipped Cream, Roquefort, Butter Pretzel, Scorpion, Bellflower, Sour Belt, Crowberry, Pizza, Black Garlic, Coffee Candy, Baguette, Gim, S'more, Strawberry Cream, Astronaut, Starch Noodle, Strawberry Stick, Lotus Dragon, Lychee Dragon, Sugar Swan POKEMON [SPECIES] ; Absol [MEGA], Bewear, Blacephalon, Breloom, Carbink, Chatot, Cramorant, Cursola, Darkrai, Dedenne, Delcatty, Delphox, Eevee, Furfrou, Furret [SHINY], Galvantula, Glaceon, Hatterene, Iron Valiant, Jirachi, Kommo-o, Leavanny, Lucario, Lurantis [TOTEM], Luxray, Lycanroc, Maractus, Mareanie, Meowscarada [SHINY], Mew, Milotic, Mimikyu, Mismagius, Mudkip, Nihilego, Pheromosa, Pyukumuku, Raichu [ALOLAN], Rayquaza [SHINY], Sandslash [ALOLAN], Scoliopede, Scorbunny, Serperior, Shaymin, Smoliv, Sneasler, Solgaleo, Sylveon, Tapu Lele, Thievul, Tinkaton, Torracat, Tsareena, Vaporeon, Wooper, Wynaut, Xerneas, Zoroark [SHINY] POKEMON [HUMANS] ; Justy [JELLOAPOCALYPSE DOGS IN LOVE], N, Ingo, Emmet, Roxie, Clemont, Lisia, Lillie, Ilima, Mallow, Acerola, Marnie, Allister, Klara, Sabi, Florian, Penny, Iono, Rika, Ortega, Kieran, Lacey MISC ; wip.... sorrgy :(

Uta's Glorified Kinlist [IN THE KINNIE WAY] ;;

CHARACTERS ; Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama, Charun Krojib, Dave Strider, Fischl, Yoimiya, Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Espresso Cookie, Sprigatito, Ingo, Emmet, Iono, March 7th SONGS ; Born2Run [PENELOPE SCOTT], Hammerhead [PENELOPE SCOTT], Sweet Hibiscus Tea [PENELOPE SCOTT], Baxter Ward is Under Fucking Siege [PENELOPE SCOTT], anarchy [EGG], Digital Girl [KIRA], Nobody [MITSKI], Gay Jokes [RIO ROMEO], Mirror Man [JACK STAUBER]

[cheap-jumpscare]

WE ALL UNITE FOR MIZU5

incredible things happening on project sekai twitter

[selfcarecap]

Plagiarism

The account @/BriiiiGon_za_lez on Wattpad is translating full tumblr fics from various fandoms into Spanish without permission or credit to the original tumblr authors. They also stole a fic of mine so I’m assuming none of the other fics are approved for reposting and translation by the original writers. I can’t remember the original writers of any of the specific fics I recognise but the description of the work on Wattpad is this:

so I assume everything is stolen. I haven’t reported anything yet because I don’t know what to do tbh but I thought I’d make a post and we can try to help each other and figure this out 🙃

here’s the link (i think anyway idk how fucking wattpad works)