#things would certainly not feel any better if i got assumed a woman

[ghouljams]

Hey Ghoul, hope your doing well. I'm sending this in hope of some advice. You can totally ignore this if you're uncomfortable. I've gotten myself into a certain situation and I can't stop myself anymore. A few years ago I started exchanging flirty texts with this coworker/friend. We no longer work together but are still in touch, every few months we would grab dinner together (with another friend so we're never alone). The thing is he's married, and recently had his first kid. Our less than friendly interactions started when we were still working together, during his first year marriage they were having issues and he confided in me, and I was having alot of family issues and I leaned on him, and we became close. We never did anything physical, it was more like dirty jokes and occasional flirty comments back then.

Over the last few years it's escalated, I recognize he would text me whenever he was horny and always lead the conversation to suggestive texts. I never started it, but I never stop or discouraged it either.

The thing is (and it's no excuse) I'm in my 30s and I've never been in a relationship, never been the girl guys choose or wanted and am extremely lonely. I like the attention he gives me and I can't stop myself from replying or engaging with him. I want to stop, I don't want to be the other woman. I know he'll probably never leave his wife, certainly not for me.

This is probably the only male attention I've ever gotten in my life, and I know male validation isn't something I should strive for but having never received any it feels nice. It doesn't feel nice being a dirt secret.

I don't know. Thanks for reading if you got this far...I just don't know how to stop myself

Wow. This is a lot friend. I want to start by saying I think for your friend's wife's sake I think you should block him.

While you're not without blame in this situation, this man also sounds like absolute trash for letting this go on this long without stopping. He has a wife and child, and any good person would not be cheating on their partner like this. That said, you should show some compassion for not just the wife but yourself and get this man out of your life asap.

This validation and attention feels good in the moment because it's fleeting and you don't have to worry about any of the hard relationship stuff, you get the pay off of "you're hot" without any of the emotional stuff of a relationship, and as good as it feels in the short term it's not going to help you in the long run. Which you already know because you've said it doesn't feel nice being a dirty secret.

Now. It is a terrifically false statement that you have "never been the girl guys choose or want." It is an unkindness to yourself and a categorically untrue thing to say. You don't know how many people have seen you and wanted you or known you and never said anything about wanting you. And to wallow in self-pity and say "but I do, and that number is zero" is just stupid. It's stupid and it's unkind to the people that pined for you, it's also just-

like there's a measure of self-centeredness to self-loathing that I think makes people think they know other people and how they should think better than they actually do. You don't know how many people or who has loved you for 30 years, and unfortunately you probably never will, but to assume that number is zero is just statistically improbable.

I've been where you are, when you've never gotten what you think every other woman does it's intoxicating to get that male attention. You feel almost honored that you finally got cat called, that some guy is giving you attention through flirty texts, that people are liking your bikini photos, or your male friend from college is rekindling your friendship. Craving this sort of validation isn't great, but it's understandable. What I think is more important to realize is that these men don't respect you, or care for you, and are using you as a means to an end.

You should block him because you deserve better than being a dirty secret, and you should start trying to love yourself more. Just because you're not your type doesn't mean you're no one's type, and just because you've never dated doesn't mean no one has wanted to date you. Most people cannot identify when someone is flirting with them, but that doesn't mean people weren't trying.

Give yourself some credit, and this guy's wife some peace of mind.

[yearning-gay]

suddenly experiencing profuse emotions about a specific scenario in which a girl validates my feelings as sapphic and that the way i choose to present myself is not offputting to her. surely this means nothing

[espinosaurusrexex]

!this is a repost because something was wrong with the original!

Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun with this. Already looking forward to all the other imagines lined up 🥰

Secret Relationship (Bingo Game)

!BINGO ASKS CLOSED!

BuckyBarnes x Female!Avenger!Reader

word count: 1.4k

warnings: fluffy af, little angst

Your eyes stared over the coffee mug at him from across the room. He was stealing glances over to the kitchen in which you sat as Sam and Tony tried to convince him to meet the smoking hot yoga teacher bachelorette the two of them had found for him this week. 

You felt a little bad for him, to be honest. Bucky seemed exhausted from their constant nagging. It was weird to see the two men together like this. Normally, Tony and Sam would just pass in the hallway with subtle nods. But when it came to finding a woman for Bucky, the two could be mistaken for best friends. 

“Her name is Ronda and she is hot.”

“Mhm. Gives hot yoga a whole new meaning.”

“That’s right. And she’s willing to meet you!”

“Well, I’m not willing.”

“Why are you always like this, Bucky? We go out and we find you a nice girl and you decline every time.”

“Maybe he’s like this because Dr. No over here isn’t getting laid. Which is why you should go on this date.”

“I don’t need to get laid to be in a good mood, Tony.”

“We don’t know that. You’re always grumpy and you’re most certainly not getting laid. Doesn’t sound like a coincidence to me.”

“Oh, that definitely isn’t a coincidence.”

“I’m a scientist I know that stuff.”

“Yeah, he’s a scientist. Listen to him.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

But Bucky was panicking, you could see it in his eyes. He wanted to say it, that he didn’t want to go on dates because was already dating you. But you had forbidden him from doing so. It was better this way, and he had not spoken up when you suggested keeping your relationship a secret for now. 

With a small smirk, you got off your chair.

“Have you two geniuses ever thought about your annoying banter being the reason for his bad mood?” You sauntered past the men with your mug still in hand, the other slightly grazing Bucky’s back on your way to the door. You could feel his muscles relax just from the small touch. 

“How are we being annoying? We are literally helping him get some.”

“I don’t need to get any!” 

That was the last thing you heard Bucky shout frustratedly when you entered the hallway, a small chuckle leaving your lips before you went to your room to finish the report you had yet to hand in. 

-❁-

It wasn’t long before Bucky entered your room with an exhausted sigh. He leaned against the closed door when you looked up and then proceeded to approach you at your desk, where he leaned over your shoulder, arms caging you to his chest and chin nuzzling in your neck. 

“They’re the worst,” he mumbled into your sweater before placing small kisses along your neck. 

“I know, baby.” You stroked his arms. “For the geniuses, they claim to be, they’re really hardheaded.”

“I feel like it’s just me they’re bothering with this. For all they know, you are single too.”

Another pang went through your chest. Bucky had not been part of the team for long. And you had spared him all of the details about most members that Steve hadn’t already told him about. 

There was a reason why Tony and Sam didn’t suggest eligible partners to you, and that was because you had multiple suitors amongst the team and beyond already. If you wanted to have someone, they just assumed you would get them. Not to mention the total embarrassment they had witnessed when you had rejected Pietro in front of the team during movie night. You hadn’t meant to, but he had sprung it upon you without warning, and you hadn’t wanted to lead him on. 

Then there was Peter, the intern, that harbored a silly schoolboy crush on you since he had gotten his first action figure of you, and letting him down gently was harder than you had thought. Tony and Sam, especially, had gotten amusement from the frequent serenades and suggestive fan mail you received. They even suggested an “open mail + wine night” for their personal entertainment one time. And, well, you didn’t say no to wine and gossip. 

But despite all this, it wasn’t the reason why you wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Bucky had been closed up from the very first time Steve introduced him to the team. It had taken two months for him to reply to simple questions such as if he wanted coffee, too. But somehow, you had the honor of being the first person he trusted after Steve. And once you had gotten to know him better, he was the sweetest person ever. Caring, funny, charming - very touchy. But you were scared this would go away once everyone started teasing him about it. So yes, it might have been to protect Bucky, but it felt more and more like personal gain to you. 

“I want you to know that I don’t need Yoga Brenda, or Coffeeshop Mandy, or anyone else. I just wanna tell them that I’m already dating the most gorgeous woman they could ever find.”

“You are wonderful, do you know that?” Your head leaned against his shoulder when you felt Bucky smile into the crook of your neck. “And I guess I could deal with a little more PDA - warm the team up to it slowly.”

“Sounds like a great plan.” And with that Bucky turned your chair and pulled you up and towards the bed. “Until then,” he patted his lap once he sat down, “I demand a kiss for every time I had to vouch for us.”

You smirked before straddling him. “Oh, I’ll gladly pay up, then.”

-❁-

You knew Bucky was touchy, but now that he had permission to do so outside your rooms, it lit a whole new fire within you. You couldn’t reach the cupboard? He would press up against you with a hand on your hip and get whatever item you needed. You walked through a door? You bet he would hold that thing open until you were all the way through. 

But those were just the, in his way, subtle approaches for when everyone was around. When the two of you happened to catch a quiet moment, he wouldn’t hesitate to hug and kiss you in every common area of the compound. 

You didn’t mind it too much - Bucky was a great lover all around. But you were still a little nervous as to what the team’s reaction would be. You had already gotten glimpses of it. A raised brow from Natasha, who really was just surprised it had gone past her for so long. A double take from Pietro when Bucky brushed an eyelash from your face. And a knowing smile from Wanda, who to be honest, had probably known all along - your thoughts weren’t exactly subtle... or PG.

Though you had yet to see Sam or Tony react to the increase in affection Bucky gave you. It wasn’t unusual that he asked you to train or make a joke - you were friends in everyone’s eyes. But it would become obvious if he kept up the thing he was doing right now. 

Bucky had just swiped some chocolate from your face in the kitchen, and when Clint had left the room, Bucky’s hand just lingered on your face. You were staring at him. And every time those eyes gazed into yours, it was hard to remember that there was a world around you. 

“I like this,” Bucky smirked when his thumb grazed over your cheek. His mouth followed shortly and soon he was stealing pecks from your soft lips.

“It is very nice,” you admitted flustered from the kisses, your hands now grabbing at his shirt. 

“See, it’s not so bad.”

You just hummed in response when Bucky patted your ass affectionately.

“Ahhh! What did I just see?” Sam’s eyes were wide, his head immediately snapping to Tony. You just sighed as you leaned against Bucky’s chest. It had to happen sooner or later...

“Holy smokes, Barnes. Had we known you got Miss Unattainable, we would have shut up a long time ago.” Tony whistled in acknowledgment before he approached the fridge and retrieved a water bottle.

Bucky just looked at you with a lazy smile, his hands rubbing up and down your back. It was nice not to hide anymore.

“What can I say?” He was looking into your eyes when he spoke. “She likes to keep me to herself.” And when you responded with a smile, he leaned in and kissed you shamelessly.

“Geez, get a room,” you heard Sam mumble gruffly. 

But all you could do was giggle as Bucky hid his smile in the crook of your neck, his scruff tickling your skin and the weight of the secret falling from your shoulders.

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[rubykgrant]

Idea for a Magnus Archives AU (that I don't have time to write all the way out, but it still intrigues me~)

At some point after Martin's father left, but when he was still very young, somebody offered to bring Mrs Blackwood some furniture. Used, but still in good condition. She refused, insulted by the idea that she needed "pity" or "charity", despite the fact that her health is already making things difficult... one day, while her son is at school, she hears a knock at the door. It takes her a while to get there. When she finally opens it, whoever knocked is gone, but they have left behind a table.

She assumes it was the same person as before, and is now irritated that they have "dumped" their old junk on her doorstep. A neighbor sees and offers to at least bring it inside. She decides it may as well be put to use, so she lets the neighbor move it in. Alone in the house, she looks the table over. It certainly isn't new, but isn't too beat-up or broken. It has a VERY unique pattern... almost like an optical illusion...

When Martin gets home from school, he's surprised to see that his mother is in the kitchen, getting ready to cook dinner; she hasn't done that in a year! He offers to help, or just make himself a sandwich and canned soup if she wants to rest, but she assures him that she's feeling MUCH better. This continues for several months, the doctors are amazed by what seems to be a miracle recovery! All the neighbors and old friends agree, she's also had a change in attitude lately, but it all seems for the better. Her son is especially happy... his mother seems so much more "gentle" than she used to be, and she doesn't even make him drink oolong tea with her anymore. She's decided that Earl Grey is better.

Nobody notices that her hair is a different length, a different color. Nobody notices the shape of her eyes and jawline has changed. Nobody notices that she's taller. Not any friends, neighbors, doctors, or family. Even all the photographs in the house have changed. A different woman is holding a tiny, newborn baby. A different woman is sitting next to a small Christmas tree, helping a child open a present. Nobody notices... except for one person.

When Mr Blackwood heard from an old friend that the wife he left had recovered, he suddenly had second thoughts. He really had thought she would die, and he must have had some sort of break-down. He couldn't handle it, so he ran away... but he's thinking clearly again. It has nothing to do with the fact that he also heard his wife recently got a new job, a very well-paying one with the kind of health plan that a spouse could share. It has nothing to do with the fact that he isn't feeling well himself lately, and he's noticed that he has nobody to take care of HIM. It has nothing to do with the fact that he hasn't been able to find work, and he also can't find a place to live. He just wants to go back because he misses his wife and son. That's all.

When Mr Blackwood returned, he brought flowers. To apologize. He knocked on the door, and heard a muffled voice call- "Come in!". He picked a time of day when he knew Martin would be at school, so he and his wife could reunite with some privacy. He expected his wife to be upset. He expected his wife to be angry, maybe cry, or try to throw something at him. He expected it would take time for his wife to let him explain, then forgive him. He expected HIS WIFE. The woman in this home was not his wife... she said she was, she smiled, used his name like she knew him, but she WASN'T. Her voice, face, EVERYTHING was different! This was wrong, why was this strange woman here?

He ran away, even though she called for him to stay. He tried to speak with their friends, her family... everybody acted like he was crazy. They acted like the woman claiming to be his wife was right. After months and months of trying to talk some sense into people, he finally remembers Martin; surely a child would know their own mother? Mr Blackwood has been watching the house, and he sees little Martin kiss the woman good-bye, then leave for school. As if everything was normal. He can't stand it anymore! He bursts through the door, shouting at the woman to tell the truth, but the noise alerts the neighbors, who call for help, and he leaves...

He stays away for more than a year, but he never went far. He kept watching. He tried to figure out WHY somebody would pretend to be his wife, and HOW she could fool everybody. It never makes any sense. He comes back again, in the middle of winter. Martin is sleeping over at a friend's house. Mr Blackwood has been sleeping in an old treehouse, long abandoned by the kids who built it. He can't stand the idea of that strange woman sleeping in the bed that SHOULD be his (that would have been his, if he hadn't left). He uses his key to open the back door. She hasn't changed the locks. He goes in, ready to be rough if necessary; he will get the truth if it kills him.

Around 2 in the morning, Mrs Blackwood calls for help. Her husband, the one who left her, the one who came back and threatened her, just tried to attack her! She fought back, and he ran off again. No trace of him is ever found. When Martin comes home, they have a discussion, and decide it isn't safe to life here anymore. So they move, not too far, Martin can still visit people he knew growing up. The new house is much nicer, in a safe neighborhood.

They take just about everything with them, except for a few large pieces of furniture they sell. Mrs Blackwood wants to keep the table with the unique pattern, though. She's grown rather fond of it. The movers she hired are... odd, but they get everything to the new home very quickly. When his mother speaks with the two of them beside their truck, Martin watches from a window, and he has the strangest feeling that... his mother might just step up into it, and ride away with them. Then she'll be gone, and he'll be alone. He can't explain why, but he almost expects it to happen.

She doesn't leave. She comes back inside, smiling, and hugs her child. Why wouldn't she? As the years go by, Martin wonders about his father; why the man left, why he came back, why he seemed so confused about who his own wife was. Martin also wonders what his father looked like, as none of the pictures they saved show his face. Mrs Blackwood tells her son- "I suppose there's a resemblance, but when I look at you, I just see YOU, not him. I love you too much to see your father in your features".

Martin grows up happy and safe with his mother. He's able to finish school, and eventually starts working at a bakery. Later, when he moves out to get his own place, he finds a job at a restaurant-confectionery in London. His mother didn't want him living so far away, but he really wants to sort of "get out in the world", have some experience on his own. Someday, he'd like to have his own tea shop and cafe. He works from the middle of the day to late shifts at the cafe, and he gets to know some of the regulars very well. One woman, Sasha, comes in often to get food and drinks for her coworkers. Martin likes chatting with her, and eventually meets Tim when they come to have lunch together. He considers them to be friends.

One day, they call and tell Martin they want to order the most extravagant cake possible for their boss; it is his birthday, and they are going to be obnoxious about it, but also trick him so he doesn't know they've planned something. Martin offers to bring it over himself, so they can pretend to not be up to anything. This is how he enters the Magnus Institute. This is how he meets Jonathan Sims. This is how he starts learning about the strange things they research here. This is how he sees a picture of a table with a very curious pattern. This is how he asks if he can listen to the statement about that table...

[thirdeyeblue]

“Nine would have treated Martha better than Ten did”

I need to talk about this argument that never seems to stop circulating.

Note: Not a venomous/anti post. There’s more than enough of that across fandom spaces as is, and this is supposed to be a place for ✨sweet, blissful escapism✨

When making this argument, people seem to envision a scenario in which Nine never met Rose.

While I can appreciate a good hypothetical, recognizing Rose's significance to the Doctor (Nine and Ten) is essential to understanding why things with Martha played out the way they did in the first place.

In the third series, the Doctor is grieving. This grief is deliberately threaded into nearly every script, whether spoken aloud or not (and these are just a few examples):

He's burning in Rose’s wake the entire time Martha travels with him, which is why it’s so frequently called upon: It’s 100% deliberate in framing his grief. He grieved as Nine too, of course— having been fresh on the heels of the Time War — but then he met Rose, which changed everything.

Back then, he was still a rude, traumatized pain in the ass, but we watch Rose soften more of those jagged edges with every episode as they grow closer; as he lets his guard down and forms a deep connection with her.

He falls in love (against his better judgment) and it's game over.

And yes: provided S1E1 had been titled 'Martha', one can realistically assume things might have unfolded similarly to how they did with Rose. However, it wouldn’t have been that way just because the Doctor was Nine and “Nine was different” — it would be because he wasn’t already in love with someone else. The same can't be said for the start of S3.

Think of it like this: if Rose AND Martha had been in that cellar — if Nine had taken both of them along with him in S1 — we’d eventually be looking at the most melodramatic love triangle ever, what with him living in close quarters with two brilliant, gorgeous, compassionate young women... But Doctor Who is plenty “soap opera” as is with just one woman in the TARDIS.

(I certainly wouldn’t object to reading that fic, though)

Now, regarding the unrequited elephant in the room…

His inability to be romantic with Martha isn’t because he thinks her lesser, nor is it for lack of compatibility. It isn't because Rose is any better than her. It certainly isn’t just because he’s Ten.

It’s really only for one reason, which can't be denied — and now I’m a broken record:

He is still in love with Rose.

(cut from a tenrosedaily gif)

Nine is Ten, and Ten is only such a mess in S3 because he’s just lost the love of his life. Martha merely got caught in the crosshairs of a volatile Time Lord in mourning, and yes — it sucks. Absolutely.

But it also feels dismissive to chalk Ten and Martha’s relationship up to little more than some sort of mindless dance of pining, jealousy, and toxicity.

Ten trusted Martha with his life over and over again — and hers, with him. He constantly praised her brilliance, happily carting her around time and space with no intention of letting her go. In the BBC’s extended universe of novels/comics/cartoons/etc, there’s so much depth to their relationship: love and trust and trauma and sacrifice. They had their own special bond as mates, their own complexities — so it’s a bummer that it's forever overshadowed by the other things.

I’m not denying that there was a lot of stuff that sucked/was for sure toxic about Ten's S3 behavior, but so many of the things I've seen him catching flak for can be directly attributed to being A Clueless Fucking Alien Idiot (not a trait that’s unique to Ten) — as well as his flat-out obliviousness to Martha’s feelings.

So yes, I agree: if Rose never existed, he would have treated Martha differently as Nine. He also would have treated her differently as Ten. Certainly.

But Rose did exist, and when discussing canon, it matters.

“He tells me that he absolutely, 100% loves Rose... He tells me how my daughter; my wonderful, beautiful, clever little girl saved him from himself before… And he says that’s all because of me! I made her into the Rose Tyler that saved him.”

-Jackie Tyler, Flight Into Hull!

Martha got the short end of the stick in S3. She came round at the wrong place and time, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. It doesn't mean the Doctor didn’t adore her. It certainly doesn't mean the time they spent together was wasted or worthless. They were brilliant!

Sure, he could be a twat, but let it be known that he was a twat with Rose as well, both as Nine and Ten. I’m sure Tentoo can be plenty infuriating, too. So while I'll defend Ten (and Tentoo) into the ground forever and ever and ever, I'll concede that he's fucked up.

The Doctor is a certified Pain In The Ass. It’s one of the things I love so much about this character — dynamics.

But never forget that Martha was goddamn tough as nails and overcame every bit of it. She moved on with her life, and the Doctor moved on with his. One can only pray that, when they inevitably drag her back onto the show (which feels inevitable if I'm honest), we see at once that she's been living her best life for all these years.

[laswells-ashtray]

How did Kate and Sarah meet? Can we get a story time?

I don't think how Kate and Sarah met was romantic in any way, I think it was something they refer to as the incident instead of looking back fondly on it.

Kate needed intel. Scratch that, Shepherd needed intel and he made it Kate's problem because she "had the skills required to obtain it from their asset". Which is a long-winded, bald-headed way of saying she's a woman and their asset was a sleazy man. And Kate refused to subject anyone else to the creep's advances just for measly information that would probably fuck them in the long run.

So, Kate finds herself in a bar. She was the only one intended to be there but she made the mistake of complaining about the job and she spies a familiar-looking Brit sharing drinks with a familiar-looking Russian in a booth in the back of the bar.

Nowak is already late twenty minutes late and the bartender might just be worse than him, he's been a little heavy-handed with Kate's bourbon in what she assumes is an attempt to win her favour as he stares at her tits with such force she expects to see laser beams shooting from his eyes.

She drinks anyway, she needs it to stop herself from just walking out of the bar and taking a hammer to Shepherd's head to see how many hits before it dents. There's a group of women in the corner, clearly celebrating something or other as they drink and Kate truly wishes she could share their joy.

If anything, she feels nauseous. There's an oddly sick feeling at the back of her throat that she can't find blame for. The situation? The fact she's drinking on an empty stomach? Or is it being surrounded by men?

She bites back a suicide threat and finishes the bourbon in her glass before tugging at the collar of her shirt. Why couldn't she find herself in a bar with good AC? Because nothing could possibly go right in the life of one Kate Laswell.

One of the women strays from her group and approaches the bar, Kate pays her no mind. She glances at the door but unsurprisingly there's still no Nowak. God knows how long she'd be stuck waiting for him.

She can feel the material of her shirt sticking to her skin and there are strands of her hair that just won't stay in place, if she looked more presentable then maybe she'd feel better about the entire ordeal but she truly just wants to find the nearest bed and curl up in it, asleep.

The woman to her left stumbles into her, nudging Kate forward into the edge of the bar in a blatant assault on her tits. It fucking nips, pinching at the exposed skin as if she hadn't suffered enough for the day. An apologetic hand reaches out for her shoulder and she finds herself face to face with a tall brunette who's eyes are a damn near exact colour copy for the bar they're standing at.

"Fuck- Sorry, are you alright? Christ, I wasn't looking. Try to make space for one person and assault the next."

Kate waves off her spiel with a hand that feels weighed down by lead before returning her dull stare to the empty glass in front of her.

"You alright? You're looking a little dejected there, honey."

It takes Kate longer than she should to realise that the woman is still talking to her, responding with an eventual "Hm?"

Kate knows approximately three things about the stranger beside her now, she's clumsy as shit, gorgeous persistent.

"Oh, you're drunk, aren't you? You got anyone else with you?"

Kate bites back a sigh and turns to face the brunette, it takes more energy than it should, something she quickly notices as she blinks up at the other woman.

"I'm not drunk, that was only my second glass."

The other woman clearly doesn't believe her and Kate can't entirely blame her, she sounds tipsy enough. Words just a little softer than they should be around the edges.

"Sure about that? Because you're not looking too hot, honey."

Kate certainly feels hot, she wouldn't be surprised if her face was flushed a vibrant red. But she still has the urge to adjust her shirt and cover the visible skin from a non-existent chill.

"I'm fine, just need some air." Kate mutters, standing up from the barstool unsteadily and grabbing onto the back of it with a tight grip. The stranger gently grabs at her waist, holding her upright with a look that Kate couldn't describe even if she was thinking straight.

She blinks and suddenly John and Nikolai are in front of her. John is giving her his typical worried mother hen look and Nikolai, Kate can't think of how to describe him. She can't think of much other than the urge to sleep. She can recognise his hand reaching out for her, Nikolai has a small scar on the back of his thumb in the shape of a squint bee. Kate isn't sure if she laughs or not.

She's pulled back by the hot brunette and she watches the other woman hit Nik's hand away.

"Hey, get the fuck back from her. The fuck did you two put in her drink?"

She can hear the vaguely familiar and timeless John Price grunt of offence.

"Excuse me? What did we- Nevermind, who are you? Kate, are you alright?"

There's a hand that caresses her jaw, turning her head to face the stranger that's holding her steady.

"Kate? Is that your name, honey? Can you tell me if you know either of these two? Are they safe?"

Kate nods, or a least she tries to. She manages to turn her head just enough to face both of the men and attempt to reach out for one of them.

"J'hn, 'm-"

"Shit, Kate. You've been spiked, are you still with us?"

Nikolai's hand falls into her line of vision again and this time it isn't whacked away. His hand slips under her arms as he steps to her side, taking most of her weight by himself.

"Her name is Kate, we were here to meet a- someone. He didn't show up. We know her, we work with her and she's our friend." John sounds angry. Angry, impatient and pissed.

Her eyes might be slipping closed, she isn't sure but Nikolai is warm where her head rests against his shoulder. She can still feel the pretty lady's fingers trailing over her shoulder as she and John speak. Nikolai might offer her a light tap on the cheek or she imagines it.

"And you didn't think to keep a better eye on her? Wait- Just give me a second."

There's shuffling and more words explained, Kate isn't sure what's going on or if she's even holding her own head up. It's either a minute or an hour until she feels something getting tucked into the pocket of her shirt.

"Kate? You listening to me, honey? My name's Sarah and that's my number, you're gonna find it tomorrow and one of these assholes is gonna make you call me, alright? I'll stick with you as they walk you outside and make sure nothing happens but I think you know both of them and I think you trust them. So I'm gonna let you leave with them if that's fine for you?"

Kate is almost positive she makes a noise that sounds close to agreement. It might be lost over the general sounds of the bar or the aggrieved protest from John at the moniker of "asshole".

She's unsure of what happens after that, even waking up is an exhausting ordeal. She spends more than two hours being tended to by the two men she reluctantly calls her best friends before they eventually offer her an explanation as to what happened and why there's a note with a phone number in her breast pocket.

[alexiavettel]

chapter four

"The world was whole then, the sun and the moon together as one"

pairing: charles leclerc x fem¡stroll!reader

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: explicit language, mentions of sex, a bit of car stuff cause i have any self control, asshole!charles, almost panic attack and sensible leclerc.

disclaimer: any photo used is not supposed to represent the reader, all all Pinterest pics that matches the context

<<< previous part

February 23th, 2022

Spain, Barcelona- pre-season testing

“Are you excited for the press conference? At least you’re with Lewis, George and Seb” Liv asked grinning.

“For the only questions be about if I’m fucking Leclerc or not?”

“Well, are you?”

“LIV??? Have you gone mad? What the fuck girl?”

“Sorry darling but maybe a hate fuck would help with all the endless bickering-"

“I would never!”

“Gotta quote the biggest singer of all time ‘never say never’” she didn’t really sang this in the middle of the paddock, right?

“Have you just- Justin Bieber really?”

“Why not?”

“But why?”

•

“This question is for all of you, after having experienced the new car how do you think it will perform this season? Best or worse than the W12 and AMR21? Respectively” an older woman asks us

“If you say it’s better than the W12 I give up my seat” I cracked a joke before Lewis could speak and the room erupted in a chorus of laughter

“Well, like our dear Y/n mentioned it would be hard to overcome the W12 so in some aspects the W13 is a bit worse but all of us are putting plenty of effort into it”

“Yes, and that maybe means not a so good start of season for us but we are going to give our best and try to set the car in the way we need and want” just by hearing George speaking the British in me threatens to take place.

“But we sure will find a- not easy- but fast way to the top! Overall is a good car after analysing the data, we are glad of the recent results but we are looking forward to new updates during the year indeed”

“Thank you, boys. And what about the AMR22?”

“The green is great!” and that ladies and gentlemen was Sebastian Vettel

“Seb!” I laughed because my brother said EXACTLY the same thing after the car launch

“But it’s impossible to predict where we will be, at this stage. But surely, we're on the climb, so we want to be better than last year. Last year, we had our difficulties and I think for many reasons we should be better off this year.”

“Someone here got along better with the car than this old man but certainly the excitement is very high, and the potential as well that the team is gathering, the momentum to pick up during the season and improve the car throughout the season, I think, our potential is just rising. I can't wait to get on track, see where we are, and get going.”

“We are very optimistic but at the same time, there are so many new things, with new tyres, completely new cars, lots of new challenges. I hope the field will be closer together, that will give us more chances to race and race more at the front than we did last year. But realistically, the answer at the moment is we don't know and we have to be a little bit more patient to give you a proper good answer”

“We indeed have big potential to be championship contenders in the future, as our team has already mentioned in the car launch we are in year two of our five-year plan to grow more. If we are talking about data we got better results but we don’t know compared to the rest of the field. All we can do is hope and keep pushing.”

“Oi, that’s my line!” Lewis scolded me

“Now about the bachelors of this press, or should I say only one bachelor now? There are rumours about you Stroll, being in a relationship with Leclerc can you confirm?” I knew this question was about to come but I still can feel an uncomfortable amount of eyes burning me, including my fellow drivers.

“The internet is assuming this only because of a jet ski ride? Well the only thing I can confirm at the moment is that we are close friends who were enjoying our last free days together with other friends”

“In the moment? Sus for me”

“Shut up George or did you forget I can steal your girl?” this bitch “Love you, Carmen!” I searched the camera crew and said with an enamoured smile.

“Will you ever let this die?”

“Never” me and the two older drivers said together laughing at Russell’s disappointed face.

All this fuss about me and Carmen was because of a game of fuck, marry or kill in 2020

“Okay now what about Yn, Alonso and Albon” Danny asked in the middle of the group formed by me, Seb, Lewis, George and Carmen, Daniel, Alex and Lily, Lando and Lance.

“Ow can I fuck and marry Yn?” Carmen spilled out without thinking twice, as some of us die in laughter and the others were too stunned to speak (George was clearly the latter)

“I’m flattered girl, it’s about time” I joked while she seated in my lap laughing (drunk Carmen is something else)

“Can I join?” Lily asked fake pouting while Alex and George went whining.

“Babe I’m literally in the game?” Alex almost cried.

“I’m not even able to say anything”

“The boy just got flabbergasted” Lewis chimed in making fun of his new teammate.

“Oh god give the poor boy a minute” Seb said struggling to keep his laugh.

So if one of us dares to tell this to the public we might get killed by a 1.85 brit who tends to persuade people with powerpoints.

“But no I’m not in a relationship at the moment and not with the Ferrari’s golden boy” I tried to say in a sweet tone but Seb noticed the hidden bitterness.

•

Charles Leclerc POV:

“So Charles please tell us, rumours had surfaced about you being in a relationship with your former teammate, Y/n Stroll. What do you have to say about it?”

“No comments” for real? That’s the first question I get?

“Well, given your last relationship these rumours are alarming right?” He's trying to piss me off? “Especially considering Stroll is a driver as well and has an enviable reputation so that could cause problems on the track, right?”

“I think that you could just stop snooping around my private life and focus on track” I couldn't hold myself, when I looked over to Mia Djacic (best known as my dear press officer) I felt her piercing eyes burning me. Yep Charles, prepare yourself for the lecture.

•

“You know that in Bahrain you will be in a serious relationship with Stroll right?! You can’t pull things like that, oh my God Charles you just give me problems!-” Mia started her lecture the moment she closed the door of my driver’s room.

“Then quit- Sorry I didn't mean that” why do you keep doing that?

“Oh, you meant it. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said. I've been with you since Alfa Romeo, don’t bullshit me now Charles! You need to learn how to control yourself, man!”

“But you saw what he said, I am tired of these people thinking they know everything about me!”

“Stop screaming, Charl” it’s so infuriating that I keep losing control over this shit, I just don’t know what to do is natural.

“I’m sorry… They just make me so fucking mad, that it’s impossible to hold myself. And you can believe I gained 300K new followers on Instagram after that pic of me and Y/n? They speak about her like she’s some type of angel! Like she’s perfect and better than me but look who is in Ferrari? She doesn’t even has a fucking win yet!”

“Are you mad because the questions were about your private life or because they put in a way like Y/n is better than you?”

“I don’t know? I just hate all this and-”

“The FIA’s director spoke with Binotto about you.”

“WHAT?”

“About your ‘unjustifiable and rude attitudes’ lately, they threatened to give you a penalty”

“Grid penalties? That isn’t fair! I-”

“Not grid penalties but to all the team, because apparently Ferrari can’t control a driver” I can’t believe what I’m hearing…

“They can actually do this?...” I asked and the blonde in front of me just shrugged with a lopsided smile in answer “I’m sorry Mia, but can you leave now? I need some time alone”

“Sure, Charl. But remember what I told you in Monaco last year, being a driver is not just about driving. And Y/n will be waiting for you in 25 minutes in the parking lot by the way”

Oh awesome!

•

“Are your eyes red?” that’s not possible, I checked myself in the mirror before going out.

“Are you worried about me, darling?” I tried to joke but she touched my arm making me turn to her.

“Don’t play with me, Leclerc. What happened? Are your family okay?”

“I ain’t playing. And yeah, everyone is fine”

“So what is it? Why were you crying?” She holds me tighter.

“It’s nothing, for God’s sake Y/n” I managed to make her let go of my arm. I don’t know why she is doing this…

“Charles, can't you grow up? You are clearly fucked up and I wanna know why so I can maybe help you”

“Are you high? You trying to help me?”

“If you try and think a bit more than your little brain normally can, you gonna figure out that if we are actually doing this dating thing we have to act like adults and try to be better for each other”

“Okay I get it, but it’s nothing really” can’t believe but she’s kinda right

“It’s about the press, isn’t it?” she got to hold my arm again.

“Why do you think this?”

“Because you probably got scolded by every pr soul in your team? Or because you have a mouth bigger than your control?”

“Ow shut up!”

“So I got it, huh? What type of trouble did you get yourself into this time? Please tell me I won’t have to kiss you in front of everyone to get your bare reputation back!”

“Ew, but yeah the shit hit the fan and if I continue with mine ‘unjustifiable and rude attitudes’ the entire team are going to get in trouble with FIA. Oh God, I don’t even know why I am telling you that!”

“Oh I got you”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re bringing a bad image not only for Ferrari but to all Formula One. This happened to me once, they threatened to give a strike”

“Why? Aren’t you their little miss perfect?”

“Because I tried to set a stand in Saudi Arabia last year for women who were banned from driving until 2018 and for women's rights in general”

“But Hamilton and-”

“Yep FIA allowed me to make the stand only after the boys proposed, Lew and Seb supported me since F2 so when I told them about it cause I was scared and they threatened FIA back saying they would quit” she said laughing.

“Not surprising coming from FIA…”

“Exactly but don’t get me wrong boy, you really need to work on your reputation. You might even lose your seat, and we both know how hard you fought for it. Don’t waste it by being hot-headed, come on man you’re in Ferrari! You want to be a driver for Ferrari since, what? Since you were 7? You can’t waste it!”

When I started shaking she noticed mid-sentence and hugged me tight, she said exactly what my dad say in that letter…

“I don’t know what’s happening right now, Y/n. Sometimes looks like everything is going down! Somehow I’m always in the middle of something, and people say like I am the one to blame. I know I am wrong for being so fucking easy to be pissed off but they don’t know shit about me and they keep painting me as a villain” I pulled away from her to look into her eyes “I hate to lose control, Y/n! And I don’t know what to do, I never do!”

“We might not like each other, Leclerc. But we fought too much, too many fucking years tolerating shit from everyone to finally make it to F1. And look where we fucking are now! If you don’t know what to do for you, do it for your younger self, who always dreamed about beating me in F1! You just need to wait a little more until I get a real competitive car so I can properly beat your ass. So start thinking more before speaking or acting, hold your anger to the track. Just try to not break my arm again in the process…”

Her eyes are different while she is talking to me like this. A different kind of glint, a gentle way (which is extremely weird since I am never the receiving end of this type of glances). She smiles like she knows everything but not in an annoying way, but like she knows what is happening and is sure everything is going to be alright, it’s kinda comfortable. I ask myself if that is what the public see, only this part of her. Have to admit, it’s kinda mesmerising.

“And I know this is not the best moment to say this but tomorrow we have to come together in the paddock” she said in one breath with a cheshire grin “in my car by the way”

“S-Sure”

“Sure? Oh god you must’ve been really fucked up to agree with me this easy. I got to go, okay? Drive safe, bye Charles” she enters her dark green car and away she goes without one more word.

If I am being honest, I don’t have any fucking idea what just happened. It's like I was talking with a complete different person, a caring and thoughtful old friend. But she’s her. End of it. I don’t know how she knows that I wanted to be a Ferrari driver since I was 7, or what words she could use to actually push me through this shit and not get me anymore mad. But she knew.

@laura-naruto-fan1998 hope you enjoyed <3

my taglist!!

[skylarmoon71]

Patrick Jane (Mentalist) - Chapter 1

The subtle smiles and looks from your coworkers should have been an indication that something was up.

You were a detective after all. Walking into the office of your supervisor, you stopped by the door.

“Close it would you.”

He gestured.

You closed the door, now very worried at the way he was smiling at you proudly.

Captain Sean Haynes never smiled like that unless a corrupted politician was exposed or a serial killer was off the streets.

“Who did you kill, sir?”

“Because I’m in a good mood I’m going to ignore that comment Detective (L/N).”

He stood from his seat.

“I’m sure you’ve heard some of the others discussing that opening at the CBI. They’ve been looking for some of the best.”

You grin, because you realize where this is going.

“Angela told me. Micheal as well. A lot of them applied for the position. Did Angela get the job? You want to plan a surprise party? I’m on it. I can start putting things together.”

You looked ready to dash out the office.

“Hold up, that’s not why you’re here.” 

He picked an envelope off his desk, stepping closer as he held it out. You just stared down at it.

“What is this?”

“It’s your new job. You got it.”

Disbelief crossed your face, then panic.

“S-Sir, that's impossible, I never applied for the position.”

“I sent in your application. I also added my recommendation along with a few more from your previous jobs. You’re an incredible detective. The director asked me personally to make a recommendation and I chose you.”

The fact that he thinks so highly of you should make you ecstatic, but the realization of what this means is terrifying. You should have explained to him better why you didn’t apply. He must have overheard you speaking to some of the others about your hesitance and assumed you were just scared of change.

“This is a good thing. Trust me I don’t want to lose you in this department, but this opportunity is a game changer. You’re adaptive, honest and thorough. I have faith in your ability.”

You have yet to take the letter. As you stare at it you become aware that you can’t just turn down this. Sean is not known for being the most emotionally expressive person, but you know he’d put his life on the line for any of his officers. He did this for you, to help. To reject that would be bad. You try to keep your hand steady as you take the envelope and his smile brightens.

“You’ll do great.”

That’s what he said.

A month later you were transferred into the California Bureau of Investigation. Angela and Micheal had both congratulated you and used some of their vacation days to help you unpack and get settled in. The second they left California you could feel that internal fear that came with the realization that this was actually happening.

You tried everything to look on the bright side, but the idea of being here was stressful. You took an extra day to gather your wits and when you walked through those doors, you gave yourself a talk. You just needed to be smart. Keep your head down for the first few months. Settle in and above all else, keep your distance from him.

“This is Patrick Jane, he’s our consultant.” Lisbon introduced.

He held out his hand and you gave a nod, keeping your hands at your side like you’d done with the rest of them. He withdrew his arm with a careful look and you were sure to keep your expression neutral.

“Thank you, I look forward to working with all of you.”

Vanpelt was smiling, possibly excited to have another woman on the team.

“Your desk is right here, let me know if you need anything.” She offered.

You were seated a bit closer to Cho’s desk. With a nod, you move to check out the area.

“I’m sorry to throw you into the field so early but we have a case. We were just about to head over. If you’d like to get settled in you can hang back.”

You contemplated it, but turning down the invitation would certainly raise a flag, at least for a certain consultant.

“It’s no problem. I can join.”

“Great, everyone meet at the van in five minutes.”

Nods were exchanged as everyone began to gather their belongings to leave.

You waited patiently, joining them when they started filling out the door.

The second you were all in the van Jane seems inclined to start his interrogation.

“So what’s the deal with you?”

“Jane.” Lisbon’s warning tone was enough.

“Please don’t piss off the newest member of our team.”

“I was just making conversation. “ He responded.

The rest of them snickered in the back, and you just sat quietly, hoping to get there quickly.

~

Lisbon was questioning Mrs. Connell and you studied everything. Your eyes drifted over James. Her son. He’s young. You know this will take a toll on him. Losing his father. At least that’s what you thought. 

You expected a different temperament. 

His collected behavior was a bit suspicious. You lifted your head when you felt a pair of eyes boring into you. Jane was looking at you. Clearing your throat you looked away. About to take a step to the side to maybe look for other clues that could back up what you were slowly putting together about the murder. You moved to head into the kitchen but James grabbed your hand unexpectedly, clearly about to ask a question.

The rush you felt at the contact made you practically rip your hand out of his hold. You stared at him in horror and now all eyes seemed trained on you.

“P-Please excuse me.”

You paced out of the room, lecturing yourself for losing your cool.

When the interview was over everyone met you outside.

“I apologize for my reaction.”

“It’s okay.”

From her look you knew she must have just assumed you had some kind of issue with germs. You sighed, happy with her understanding.

“About the case, I think we should look into previous accidents involving their son.” You advised.

Lisbon looked a bit confused.

“Their son? James is twelve. Why should we focus on him?” 

“Because James is a sociopath.” Jane’s comment produces shocked expressions.

“What do you mean sociopath, he’s a kid.” Lisbon argues.

“He’s the murderer. Case closed. Lock him up.” 

Jane turned heading for the van as Lisbon chased after him.

“Wait! You can’t just drop something like that without evidence.”

“You’ll find evidence in that little box he keeps under his bed. He’s smart, but narcissistic. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be caught. His mother isn’t an angel either. She’s known for a while that he might be dangerous. She probably even suspected that he killed her husband.”

Lisbon still looks unsure.

“If you don’t believe it, just bring them in. Put them in different rooms and threaten to send her to prison, she’ll confess to anything if she thinks she’ll lose her son. Her husband just died, she doesn’t want to leave her her son too.” 

Through his entire assessment you’re quiet. Lisbon lets out a sigh, as she begins to give tasks.

“Rigsby, Cho, call the sheriff, we’re going to take them in for questioning. Vanpelt call forensics, we’ll need a warrant to search the house.”

Lisbon turns back to Jane with a solemn look.

“I hope you’re wrong about this.” 

You know she doesn’t want to believe an innocent child could do something so horrible.

“Me too.”

Lisbon knew it was unrealistic. 

Whenever Jane spoke in that tone of confidence she knew. They’d gotten the warrant. What was found in James’s bedroom proved Jane’s theory and much more. You didn’t need it though. From the second you saw him you knew something was off. But it’s that touch. That short interaction that reinforced what you suspected when you entered the house and James looked more composed than grieving. His mother pleaded, but there was nothing that could be done to stop it.

Her son was a monster. Left unattended he could kill so many. They took a monster off the street. You should be relieved. However, Jane has been sending you some not so subtle looks for the entirety of the day.

You just try to make it through the best you can.

The following day you try to ignore it all. Walk in and pretend that nothing is wrong.

“That’s the fastest we’ve ever closed a case. You might be a good luck charm.” Lisbon commended.

You gave a tentative smile.

“Jane was the one who figured it out, I just had a hunch.”

“Oh, don’t be modest, you’re good. I saw your file.”

You tense and Lisbon glares at him.

“How exactly did you get a hold of this file?”

“I have my ways, anyway, how did you know?”

He’s seated on his couch, just holding his cup of tea. You’ve never been so disarmed by someone that looks completely harmless.

“You’re a good detective, that goes without saying. You studied his body language. Picked up on the little social cues. It’s commendable. Your closing rate is also impressive. What concerns me is the fact that someone as skilled as you has stayed in the detective position so long. You’ve had plenty of opportunities I’m sure. I get the feeling that you were forced into this one. You never wanted to be here.”

You play that off with a smile.

“Why does everything have to be a conspiracy with you Mr. Jane.”

“Answer the question.”

Lisbon can spot the tension and now the rest of the team is just watching.

“Alright let’s all calm down.”

“I won’t because she’s hiding something. Something big. Whatever it is, it’s connected to the reason why you refuse to let people touch you.”

Swallowing, you pray that he’ll stop talking, stop fishing.

“You have no problem letting people think that you’re some kind of germaphobe, but that’s not it.”

“That’s enough Jane, stop it.”

“What, don’t you want to know if your agent is a spy, Lisbon?”

“I’m not a spy.”

He grins.

“But there is something, right?”

"I don't have to listen to this."

You need to leave before he says more.

“It’s something terrible, something you don’t want anyone to find out.”

You freeze in place, and you can see the looks you get from everyone in the room. 

Judging you, suspecting you.

Regardless of how unhinged Jane is, they trust him. 

You’re scared. 

You should have done a better job, faked it better. You should be denying every word, but you can’t get yourself to speak. You’re so panicked that you haven’t realized that Jane has closed a bit of the distance.

“What are you hiding?”

He takes your hands and you jolt.

“Why are you doing this, please, stop!”

You plea.

He’s staring at you in shock.

“How are you doing that..”

You just gape, because you didn’t imagine it, he heard you.

He heard you.

A bulb above your head pops, the glass dropping to the floor. Everyone jumps and you yank your hands out of his grasp. Before anything else is said you sprint out of the room.

“Great job Jane.” Lisbon is wearing that usual exasperated expression.

Jane is still speechless.

“Jane? Jane!”

He jumps back into reality, looking over at the rest of them slowly.

“Everything okay?”

He nods slowly.

“Everything is fine.” 

[delcat177]

Hiding behind the facade of a man will not make you any less a woman. It won’t heal you of your pain.

There’s nothing wrong with your body. Please stop hating yourself.

Oh boy, there's TONS of stuff wrong with my body. I've got asthma, allergies, the one bad eye, acid reflux like nobody's business (famotidine is good for it, I gotta say), intermittent costochondritis, hypothyroid, at least two enzymatic conditions, and I haven't been to a podiatrist in years so my Achilles' tendonitis is kinda out of control, my left leg is getting to the point where it's weaker than the right, I need a doc on that. Oh, and the BPPV, but that's a nuisance more than anything.

I assume you don't know any of this, because I assume you don't know me, or you would know that I don't have any interest in going out of my way to present masculine, so I can't "hurt my body" with it. I did have a full hysterectomy about a decade back, because from puberty my periods were very heavy, very long, very painful, and pulled the rug out on my OCD/anxiety/depression meds, leaving me incapacitated and weak. After a diagnosis of PMDD with probable endometriosis, long before I identified as trans, I lobbied to have the operation done for quality of life, and when I finally did--I can't begin to describe how much better I am now. I really, honestly can't, you would have to see me in my old bleeding-out days. I'm on estrogen to avoid early menopause, calcium for my bonebs. Following in my cis aunt's footsteps, actually, my maternal line has a lot of jank uterine DNA, and Mom used to talk about how Aunt M was lying in bed after *her* hysterectomy and going "I feel so much better, I feel so much better", and the ensuing health uptick after that. So, like, not gender related, people do get confused about that. No interest in surgeries w/r/t presentation.

That covers the physical section pretty well...uh, like I said, have the anxiety triad, but it's been covered for years as long as I get my meds on time, and I'm strong enough now to make the phone calls to make that happen. That's big for me, I really did have a lot of pain after my mom died, but in the years since, I feel like I've worked through what can be worked through in grief. It still crops up, but it's not paralytic. Same with the agoraphobia, I keep working on it and it keeps getting better. I'm volunteering once a week now, and I know that's small potatoes for most people, but with my energy issues, I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure how I feel about the prospect of having a job again in this market, just because I've been off the horse so long, but I'm certainly putting feelers out there, could use extra funds for when I go see my fiance.

So, I dunno, Doc...what was your name again? You are a doctor, right? Like, my doctor? Because I'm confused why anyone else would need to know this, and, now that I think about it, I'm a little confused because I don't recall hiring anyone for a check-up, but I'm doing okay. You do read the status forms I give you at med checks, right? I know there was an anxiety bump when I started volunteering, and not gonna lie, it's stressful, but I feel a lot more alive for it. More work, more walk, less weed, like we talked about.

Gosh, it really feels nice to talk things out with you. So, schedule out for three months, see what's happening then? I'm inevitably gonna postpone once because I forgot it was due and then potentially come in five minutes late because of that *ungodly* bus stop, but the important thing is we both know that. See you then, thanks so much!

[astridthevalkyrie]

chand ko chakor dekhe, tujkho naseebo wala (the bird looks at the moon, a lucky one looks at you) | hawks x reader | chapter 3

“You’ve died twice? From clocks? “I know you’re not blind to the rocks and debris flying literally everywhere! The world would be better off without you in it!” you scream at the villain. The machine is even louder as it breaks and jams into the ground. “Flying building pieces or something, I don’t know—one hit me yesterday. The first day I got knocked into a wall, and then I woke up hugging my body pillow. Same thing the next day. And the next, and the next. Did my number three pro hero partner save me? No, he let me get stuck in a fucking time loop!” Or, you’ll do a lot of things with infinite time on your hands, but falling in love with Keigo Takami isn’t one of them.

a/n: yello

warnings: afab reader with she/her pronouns, contemplations of suicide (with the understanding that she will reset), nudity, more death and more rudeness lol

1 | 2

The fight is never long anymore. You use nearfar! airforce! (who the actual shit let you make these names as a teenager) and bring Mr. Clock to his knees while Hawks jams the machine, feather in one hand and strawberry beverage in the other. He ends it so quickly that his red demon children have time to scoop you up, dumping you straight into his arms.

Bridal. Style. 

Oh, he’s full of shit.

You hate to admit it. Hate hate hate hate hate to admit it. But maybe Hawks’ idea of a meal isn’t the worst thing in the world. His sugary, pink, fruity-just-like-him-haha drink is somewhat rejuvenating, particularly for a woman who dies everyday (y’know, a real woman, not any of those fake fucks who just go around living all the time).

And the drink mixed with the best fried chicken ever you have to try them nightingale you have to they’re so good is actually one of the best combinations you’ve had in a long time, plus you have all the days ahead of you to completely indulge until you get sick of the taste and jump off a cliff at just the thought.

For someone who’s adjusted to the idea that this little sitch may last forever, you’re handling it well. Eating fried chicken and sipping pinkity drinkities. Today you’d decided to inform Hawks about the lil time loop situation much earlier, pre Clock Moron. He’d brought you to his favorite fried chicken joint immediately, something he’d never done before—you assume it has to do with the early morning.

“He’s tied up and ready to go, fellas!” With a thumbs up in the cops’ direction (accompanied by your middle finger(s), you didn’t forget the time that moron shot you), Hawks speeds off andhe’sthefastestmaninJapanforareasonholyshit. If you hadn’t been in the air since you were a wee cutesy little gremlin, you’d be scared.

Now does this beg the question of why the number three hero is giving you a romantic flight? Yes, maamsirlord, it certainly does.

“Are we going somewhere in particular?” From this angle, his ratty hair looks a little too gorgeous breezing in the wind. “Or are you planning to take me up into the sun and kill me, Icarus?”

“It’d take at least two hundred days to fly into the sun. Do you wanna be in my arms that long, songbird? I’d do it if you weren’t resetting.” Hawks smirks down at you and your stomach does this disgusting fucking flip that it has no business doing. 

When he seats you, you relax at the feel of metal, leaning back against the familiar feeling of your favorite bridge. Hawks perches above you, and you both stare out into the bustling city. Pretty sight, for now. Eventually you’ll get sick of it just like you’ll get sick of everything else except maybe possibly potentially your partner (because he’s a person and people don’t remain static even when they’re repeating, right? right?) so you enjoy it while you can.

“I could just…” You look down, sighing. “Turn off aerial and fall. I’ll wake up again tomorrow hugging my body pillow anyways.”

He doesn’t say anything, but in a flash you feel a hand grab your shoulder, pulling you back. You look up, alarmed, as he stares back at you with almost the exact same expression. 

“Don’t—”

“I’m not committing, I’m just, thinking about it, I guess.”

“Don’t think about it.” There’s a strange expression on his face, and you come to terms that no matter the day, you never actually see Hawks’ reaction to your corpse since the deaths are almost always immediate. “Just…float up here, yeah?”

You cock your head, but do as he says. “Jeez, birdie, who d’you think you’re talkin’ to? You don’t need to talk me down. I’m just saying maybe it’s better than waiting for it to happen.” 

“Sounds pretty suicidal to me.”

“Can you blame me?” 

“No.” Once you’re seated on his lap and facing him (shut the fuck up, it’s not the first time it’s happened, colleagues can do this shit with each other ohsorrydidanyonethinkyouwouldFRIENDzonehim? nocolleaguezoningisFARworse) (okay sorry it’s only the second time it’s ever happened and both of you were drunk the first time), the hero pushes your hair away from your face, resting his hand on your forehead. “Just, trust me. I don’t think you should descend into madness yet. What have you tried so far?”

With a sigh, you recount. “Movie, orgasm, charity, prayer, screaming, and a bunch of variations of those.”

“Maybe you need a hobby. Or a goal.” His hand doesn’t move. “Is there anything you really want to do?”

For a second, you think, then your eyes light up. “I could murder all the top pro heroes.”

He snorts. “Jumped to murder a little quick there. And why not murder villains first?”

“I thought about that. But I don’t really know where any of the villains are. Oh, I guess I can murder the clock guy first.”

“Or, you could have fun with this first. Experiment a little.”

“And how do you suggest I do that?”

A pause, then Hawks gives you a boyish grin. 

“Wanna make tomorrow me’s life the best one yet?”

—————————————————

When the beat drops and Hawks flies into the air, you do too, but instead of going right while he goes left, you fly to the top of the store and scream.

At the top of your lungs.

Everyone looks, but no one actually glances for more than a second except Hawks, who is looking at you in bewilderment (you didn’t tell him today, for the hell of it, and also because yesterday-Hawks-you-kinda-miss-him told you it would be way funnier this way). 

So to make these bitchass people pay attention to you, you unleash your ultimate move.

Hurricane. Kickass, yeah?

In a second, everyone in the immediate area is flying. In your air. Your wind.

(Apparently there’s some wannabe loser at Shiketsu High who can also do this but you’d like to see if he could. Uh. Die. And stop being a copycat.)

You toss all the kids in the area to the sides THEY’RE FINE RELAX except maybe THAT SEXIST KID who you dropped slightly harder. Once, they’re all out of the view, and the machine is broken, and everyone is actually looking at you in awe—

You take a hold of the dress you’re wearing instead of your uniform, and with a hard tug and full knowledge that you have nothing under it, rip it right off yourself.

Someone screams. That’s dramatic.

Hawks’ feathers all look sharper than normal, and his face is an adorable shade of crimson. “Ah, Nightingale, you…uh…”

Now, you do love to leave him speechless. There’s this tiny little fluttering in your (bare) chest as he stares, mouth opening and closing.

But you don’t feel the same about the cops who arrest you three minutes after that.

Welp.

Murder it is.

—————————————————

“Hello, Gang Orca.” Flashing a wicked smile just like all your least favorite criminals do, you ascend in front of him, holding out your hands in a grand display of villainy. “I’m here to—”

Before you can even finish the sentence, he’s on top of you, jumping much higher than you anticipated, grabbing your head, and smashing your head into the hard cement.

—————————————————

“STUPID FUCKING SHARK!” you scream into your pillow, kicking. “DIDN'T EVEN SAY I WAS THERE TO KILL HIM, DOES HE JUST DO THAT TO ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT HIM THE WRONG WAY? THAT HURT, GODDAMMIT, FUCK SHARKS, WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT, I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM—”

A quick search online shows you that orcas are actually whales.

Whatever. You’ll kill him either way. This time for sure.

[winksasleeplesseye]

castrum (five)

SUMMARY: Amara splits from the familiar duo in favor of the mysterious scientist, Luis, in search of answers, and another way too familiar face tags along as they go their separate ways.

WORD COUNT: 3k

WARNNGS: none/freeballing it no edits

[PREVIOUS] [SERIES MASTERLIST] [NEXT]

“Got tired of your knight in shining armor?” Luis questioned, noticing Amara coming up the path. A lighter skated between his fingertips, nifty sleight of hand on display. 

There was a symbol on its side that Amara couldn’t make out, but that had to be something to ask him about later.

“Someone has to keep you honest, don’t they?” She smirked, almost playfully bumping into Luis’ side. “Besides, I think one princess to one knight is a better ratio.”

“Does that make me your knight in shining armor?” A roguish grin spread across his face.  

“Not by a longshot, hotshot.” 

Luis playfully rolled his eyes, “You’re cheerful for someone that just learned a parasite is inside them.” 

“Oh, I’m pissed. I’m just keeping the emotions to a minimum—better for the heart,” she winked. “Wouldn’t you know that, doc?” 

“Biologist, not a doctor. But if you’re ever needing a big, strong man to cry on when you decide to let those emotions out...” He wiggled his eyebrows as he gestured to himself. “I’m yours.” 

She laughed, Luis had a knack for that it seemed. It certainly made her feel light amongst the gloominess, the sheer horror of the situation. “Tempting offer, Mr. Serra.” 

With a brief gesture towards the way they came, she said, “I’m well accounted for.” 

That shut him right up. The crushing and cracking of rocks beneath their feet is the most apparent sign of life. A part of her assumed she’d said the wrong thing but his attention turned elsewhere, ahead on the path at a fast approaching rock formation that towered over them a tad. 

It was less what his attention was on, but rather who. “Hey, got a smoke?”

“I do. The kind you like.” 

Fucking shit. It’s a Raccoon City reunion, isn’t it? 

Amara wasn’t exactly keen on seeing the elusive woman in red again but it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Luis would be working with her. But, it did.  

She fully intends to call him an asshole, but her brain short circuited in the pursuit of her curiosity in this conversation. Her eyes ping pong between the both as the conversation goes on. It’s coded talk, no doubt but Ada mentions something called The Amber. No Amber, no protection. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or a biologist) to figure that Luis and Ada’s partnership is borne out of a necessity to escape. On Luis’ part. 

So, at least one part of what he told her back at the lab was accurate.

There is something going around this village and whatever the Amber is might explain it. 

Ada sticks around, the duo now becoming a trio. Amara waved off Luis’ kind gesture of pulling her up as they followed after the woman in red.

“Appreciate—the—gesture,” she said between each push up to the next rock.

Climbing wasn’t wholly unfamiliar to her. 

Except the rocks were usually fake and colored, the academy and the occasional rock climb with Jill (on the off chance they got to see each other) came in handy. 

“You’re awfully quiet. And pale,” Luis piped up. She can’t see his face but somehow she knew he’d be smirking. “Gears must be turning.” 

Amara always kind of sucked lately with her resting face. It was a miracle she’d been able to keep a straight face with Leon. Mostly.

Amara rolled her eyes. “I���m computing. And yes, I’m pale…a parasite is snacking on me like a Happy Meal.” 

Luis chuckles. It’s funny but it’s the truth. 

“You know, I read about you. In…what was it? Raccoon City?” That stops her in her tracks. If Ada has any reaction she doesn’t see it. 

Amara envied that about the woman but her poker face now could rival hers.

“So, I wasn’t dreaming of that red and white logo on your lighter. And how exactly did you end up working for a corporation that leveled an entire city?” There’s a curiosity to her tone but there’s also a biting, harsh undertone to them. 

How anyone could willingly work for such a company befuddled her especially after knowing the truth. 

“Being a wiz kid has its benefits,” He shrugged, like it was nothing. “Anyways, we’re not talking about me. You’re the one carrying G antibodies.” 

They pushed through the thicket of branches and bushes, Amara desperately tried to ignore the creepy, prickling feeling that went up and down her body from potential bugs that crawled on her. 

“Unwillingly, in case you weren’t aware.”

“Doesn’t make it any less fascinating,” he noted. 

“Where are we going, exactly?”

Breaking through the dense forest, they come to a cliff and a path lined down the side of it. “See that?” Luis points across the lake. 

“Holy shit, that’s amazing.”

Amara always assumed that castles were just the thing of dreams, meant to be seen in photographs but never stepped foot in. Though this one held a more elusive quality to it, the fog and gothic atmosphere sent shivers down her spine just looking at it from here. 

Amara already knew the plan, sort of. “I assume what you need to get is in there.”

“More like…under there but sure.”

“If you two are done, time’s a wasting,” Ada spoke coolly. 

“I won’t turn into one of them, will I?” 

“I won’t let that happen, I promise.” Leon wholeheartedly believed that too. Well, he hoped that he could prevent that. 

Hope was in short supply for him for the past six years. 

After learning their rescue had lost contact with Hunnigan, that told him all he needed to know. These people were adamant not to let any of them leave. He had to put his trust in Luis, a former Umbrella researcher, mind you, to provide something to remove the parasites. 

And then there’s Amara. She tagged along despite Leon’s protests, as if he could have ever convinced her otherwise not to go with him. Still, all he could at the very least count on is that she’d be able to stay safe. That doesn’t stop him from feeling this stupid burning, scalding jealousy at Luis. Leon had to always stay sharp and focused on the mission, which now translated to making him seem like a bit of a prick by the outside viewpoint. Amara’s viewpoint. 

But he’d pushed the thoughts aside, personal problems would have to wait. 

“How exactly do you know these passageways?” Amara posed the question as water sloshed beneath her boots, the air was damp and heavy which gave way to moss and plants growing from every crevice. She barely wanted to have any part of her touch the walls but Luis traversed through them like nothing. 

Ada’s boots hit the ground in a uniform rhythm. How was a mystery to Amara. 

His voice echoes off the walls. “Would it surprise you to know I was born here?

“At this rate, nothing surprises me.” And it was the truth, Amara had lived long enough around manmade horrors and god knows what else, it’s kind of tough to genuinely have shock written all over her face in the moments after learning new information. “Guess home is really where the heart is then, huh?” 

“If you say so.”

“You know, you still didn’t answer my question.”

“Which is?”

“Why are you helping us?” 

“Because it makes me feel better, that answer your question?” 

The training after Raccoon City had taught her many things, some of it seemed useless but now, she recalled the training on being what she would dub a human lie detector. People had many small, subtle cues that to an untrained eye, you’d never catch but even from Amara’s vantage point, she could see Luis slightly tense up, his eyes a little more shifty than usual and not to mention the slight fall in his vocal tone. She wouldn’t exactly say he’s lying, but he’s certainly not telling her everything. 

Of course, she wasn’t going to call him on it. She’d play the part, take the answer as it was and simply voice her temporary resolve. “For now.” 

A slight breeze hit against her face as they kept moving, a telltale sign that the surface wasn’t too far off. Thank god, the sooner they’d get out of this cave, the better. They picked a hell of a season to take them hostage.

“So, what’s in this castle that you need to get?”

“A man can’t possibly give up all the surprises, can he?”

“I’d like to not end up on the business end of a knight’s sword before I’ve had a chance to take this parasite out so yes, you can spoil the surprise,” she deadpanned. 

“A lady that’s straight to the point, not even a little fun? Not sure if I hate that or like that about you,” he commented, he’d never let up, would he? “We need to get inside the castle to get under it.”

“I’m gonna guess they’re not expecting us?” Amara learned it better to always assume the more likely situation was the most truthful observation. Better to be more aware of it. 

He had a mischievous sparkle in his eye. “On the contrary, actually.” 

“Are you shitting me?”

Leon wasn’t exactly sure how many more hits he could take. 

He’d already been nursing a few bruises (no thanks to the big asshole now burning in that farm), not to mention a parasite had been playing patty cake with his organs, the occasional blood filled saliva needing to be spit out too. Despite it all, he felt fine. He wasn’t sure if that scared him more than anything he’d even encountered so far. No wonder it was so easy for the plaga to take hold of these people.

It was unsuspecting at first, the influence trickling its way in until it was too late. He’d only gotten a taste of it at the church, that pain in his head. A male voice lording over his thoughts and robbing him of control of them. 

Most days, Leon felt he didn’t have control over anything. But the one thing he could rely on, count on, were his own thoughts and now those weren’t safe from…whoever that guy is.

“Fire’s gonna attract a lot of attention, we need to keep moving,” Leon announced, facing straight ahead to the nearest path. Ashley briefly voiced her agreement as Leon already started for it, he noticed a minute shiver from her.  

Almost burning to death in the remnants of the barn had made him forget how offensively freezing it was out here. September is in full swing after all. 

He’d actually grown accustomed to the oppressive atmosphere since losing his jacket (goddamn, he was gonna miss that thing). But he also put it down to training for all types of terrain, something which Ashley lacked. 

“You alright?” Leon questioned, not too pushy about it. 

Ashley wore a small, closed-mouth smile, “I’m fine.”

Something in her response was already abundantly clear that she was keeping a brave face but another part of Leon could tell that she could handle herself well enough. But still, he held no judgment for the obvious fear she had…in that way she reminded him of himself in Raccoon City. 

It was terrifying. 

He thought about the terror he’d left to the terror he’d been dropped in here as they crossed over a drawbridge. 

The same castle he saw from earlier now loomed before them, cast in the glow of torches along the pathway and hung up against the gray, craggly limestone walls. 

This place had been standing strong for a while but definitely could use some repairs. 

A mechanism screeched as they stepped off the drawbridge. 

“What’s going on now?” 

And just like everything else that occurred so far, Leon’s answer was the same, “I don’t know.” 

The wood of the drawbridge rose above their eye levels. But for one brief shining moment, he had some optimism. “At least we won’t be followed.” And as if the man could sense it, Leon’s comms device began ringing briefly. Luis’ voice came into his ear, still sounding just about as sly as ever. 

“Hola, Luis here. You guys still around?”

Leon fought violently not to roll his eyes but he remembered he had to play nice, “Well, I wanted to go home, but Ashley just had to see this castle first.” 

There’s a palpable silence, not filled by Luis’ seemingly quick wit. Leon is pretty sure he for once took the man by surprise. He wasn’t a complete hardass. Only some of his sarcasm and optimism had been taken from him during training. 

“Perfect, because I have a present I want to give you…”

“Medicine to slow the progression of your…problem.” 

“Where do we go?”

Ada and Amara scavenged the room as Luis spoke to Leon. The latter learned a lot in the past few tense moments and moments after.

Ada is infected, too. 

If it weren’t already obvious, Luis has his own objectives. Pertaining to Leon, Ashley, and herself (a noble pursuit).

Leon is now just full of jokes, bite, and sarcasm. Everyone’s got their coping mechanisms. 

Just about the only thing that convinces Amara that Ada is a human being is that she is now alongside the rest of them in a desperate pursuit of removing the parasite. The tendrils of the parasite had made itself known more frequently as its growth pushed on Amara’s ribs, making her spit out blood at an alarming rate. 

Strangely enough, a sense of concern comes over her. Sure, this same woman is the one who essentially brought her here for…whatever reason but that doesn’t automatically shut off her emotions. 

Amara tucks some extra ammo into one of the pouches on her belt and follows Ada and Luis further into the castle. They had to find a suppressant to hold off the parasite until they could fully get rid of them (means by which Luis never elaborated on).

She feels itchy and out of sorts, her skin and clothes all half a size too small and her vision occasionally blurry. No doubt from the bombardment back at the cabin, those villagers packed a punch when they got too close. She can’t fucking wait till this thing was out of her system. 

For the second time in her almost three decades of living, Amara experienced what could be described as death anxiety. It wasn’t exactly pleasant either, considering their origin. It was bad enough the first time and now she had yet another race against time to remove the parasite.

“Should be just up ahead,” Luis noted, eyes peering up towards one of the towers protruding from the path. Upon entering, there was a spiraling staircase that almost seemed neverending as it descended below them. “Everything we need will be in my lab.” 

Amara can only offer a brief closed-mouth smile, but a heat radiates with each set of stairs they descend so much so that she begins to pick up the scent of something…burning. But she wanted to be wrong.  “Do you smell smoke?”

A part of her wanted it to be the plaga migrating to her olfactory nerve, but the bright orange hue of flames spread across every surface. Inside Luis’ lab. 

Her eyes went wide and heart pounded against her chest at the confirmation of the smell. This cult wasn’t playing around, especially when it came to a traitor like Luis. He looked stricken as he descended to the last step, his face almost as white as a ghost. “No, no, no, no,” he repeated to himself. “We can’t let the medicine be destroyed–” 

Not even a moment passes before Luis tries to recklessly run right into the fire, both Amara and Ada attempt to hold him back. “Luis, it’s not worth it!” 

Those words seem to rally him even more as he breaks free of both their grasp, running straight through the fire. Both women share a brief look with one another, a silent agreement to go after the man. For very different reasons. 

The sound of explosions inside the lab get them moving. The last thing she’d need is Luis to die, she’d been through enough of that. 

“Damn it!” Amara briefly threw her hands up.

Her legs carry her behind Ada through an almost set path contained within the fire, the heat is unbearable and smoke fills her lungs quickly. As if the heaving coughs from the parasite wasn’t enough, now she had to add smoke into the mix. Great. 

It didn’t take long to get to Luis, both women hefting him up on their shoulders as dry coughs overtake him from inhaling all the smoke. They throw him outside the door, he pathetically falls to his knees. 

“Can you at least deliver the Amber first before trying to kill yourself?”

In a tone Amara had never heard from the roguish man, he says, “It’s all gone…burnt to nothing.”

She couldn’t remember hearing someone so defeated in a while. Defeat wasn’t exactly something many liked to accept, and in her line of work, that almost was like a dirty word. 

“Why is this so important to you?” Ada questions as she stands above him, no care for the burning lab behind them. It’s just about the first time Amara had heard even a slight shift in the tone of her voice. 

There’s a fierceness to his answer. “There are things I must set right!” A brief inhale of breath. “But that is impossible now. It’s all over—and I can’t help them anymore.” 

“Pull yourself together, Luis.” 

“Make more. You know how. Just do it.” 

Ada, at her core, is logical. She doesn’t base a lot on her emotions and it’s a clear read on Amara’s end. A person she hadn’t thought of in a while crossed her mind, Monet. She never went headfirst with emotions, she was as cut and dried as they came while Amara was the complete opposite in ways she didn’t like to admit. 

Being the same way as Ada only came to her by practice, not by nature. 

But, anyone could see that Luis was desperate to fix his mistakes, desperate to do something right by Leon, Ashley, and herself.

“She’s right. You did it before, you can do it again,” she piped up. Those are words she never thought would come out her mouth. 

Her mind is made up as they walk away from the flames engulfing the lab. A temporary alliance borne of necessity. A race against a biological clock. After this, Amara wants double pay and a damn vacation. 

[jeonstellate]

chaos inferno — ember ii

himiko meets two eternals, who promptly recruit her to stop the emergence.

✶༄ platonic!eternals x nb!original character

✶༄ no warnings available for this ember

✶༄ paragraph format — 0.9K words

masterlist | chaos inferno masterlist

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

Thinking back on what exactly ADONIS told her, Miko certainly was to blame for making assumptions about the visitors in the lobby. The AI never told faer they were for her, so fae shouldn’t’ve assumed the visitors were her friends — especially if fae wasn’t expecting any visits from them in the first place.

Since fae was already there, the receptionist just advised her to take off faers face mask — if she wanted to appear more presentable than fae currently was — before heading over. Miko thought she had made them wait long enough, so faers royal blue bathrobe, black cat ears hairband, and black slippers (minus the white face mask) would have to do.

Miko would just have to hope they don’t spread her lack of professionalism on faers day off.

"Thank you for waiting," fae opted to announce her presence in an appreciative manner, especially since the rest of faers introduction would be in an apologetic tone. "I apologize for my outfit, I wasn’t really expecting to go down the lobby today."

"It’s alright," the man accepted her apology immediately. "Thank you for meeting us on your day off. We really appreciate it."

She mentally took note of his accent before replying, "Of course." Fae shifted faers eyes to the woman next to him, racking her brain for any instance that fae had already met or seen them before. "Do you mind telling me your names?" Truthfully, they didn’t radiate anything that she could consider alarming, but she knew it was the best to be on guard either way.

"Not at all," it was the woman who spoke up — also with a similar accent as her companion. "I’m Sersi and this is Ikaris."

Fae confirmed then that she had never met nor heard about them before — at least not by face nor name. She nodded in acknowledgment, "My name’s Miko, but I know you already know that," then dismissively waved faers hand to signal that fae was about to change the subject. "What can I do for you, Sersi and Ikaris?"

Miko gestured for the two to sit back down, as she situated herself on the adjacent sofa. "We need your help," Ikaris started. "The world is ending and we need your help."

"I—" Miko stared, a little unsure on how to react properly. "I don’t doubt that since the world seems to do that often, but," she stopped short, thinking of the best way to express faers next thoughts, "how did you know? S.H.I.E.L.D. nor the Avengers—"

"I’m afraid the Emergence is not within S.H.I.E.L.D.’s nor the Avengers’ expertise."

"Then whose?" Fae questioned, "Yours?"

"Yes, ours." Miko didn’t like the feeling she got with Ikaris’ emphasis, but fae couldn’t pinpoint why. "The Eternals."

A part of her wanted to ask who came up with the name and the reason behind it, but fae ultimately decided against it. If the world was approaching an end as they say, then they certainly have better things to do. "Pardon me, but if it’s your — the Eternals’ — responsibility this time, then why contact me?"

Sersi and Ikaris looked at one another before the former responded, "You’re one of us, Miko."

Miko remembered the time when gods and aliens were just characters from fictional works.

Fae doesn’t remember much about faers younger days, but fae is fairly certain her teenager (pre-S.H.I.E.L.D.) self would’ve scoffed at present-Miko for believing that they actually exist. Even more so if she tried to convince faers younger self that she is an immortal faerself.

"Hold on," Miko shifted faers sitting position, "I get that Eternals are immortal superheroes with a mission to protect Earth from Deviants, A-K-A alien monsters. My life has been weird enough that I can’t even doubt that part. Also the part about you being Eternals . . . I believe that, too, since I can’t really dispute the whole levitation and transfiguration thing. However, the part about me being an Eternal . . . How do you expect me to believe that?"

No one can really blame Miko for being highly skeptical. After all, everything Sersi and Ikaris claimed seemed conveniently tied to the fact that she couldn’t remember anything from faers childhood through her early high school days. (Her lack of memory was not something the media knew, though, so fae wondered how they knew that.) According to them, her earliest memories were centuries far from being faers first ones. According to them, faers actual earliest memories should be older than Ferdinand Magellan’s circumnavigation of the world; around the time farming was still relatively new to humans. According to them, the reason why fae can’t remember anything that hints at her immortality is because she contracted a disease — Mahd Wy’ry, they called it — that essentially forced faer to give up all her memories in exchange for living a ‘normal’ life. However, before her memories were erased, fae apparently made a request to their leader — Ajax, the leader of Eternals at the time — if her immortality could be stripped away as well, so Miko could finally be a human as fae always wanted and grow up.

"We didn’t," Ikaris answered truthfully, his eyes immediately reverting back to their neutral state after displaying a hint of adoration as they look at faer rambling. "We knew it would be difficult to convince you, given that you have all your memories as an Eternal wiped."

"Does that mean you have prepared other methods to convince me?"

"Not necessarily," it was Sersi’s turn to reply. "We did hope you would help us still, for the sake of humanity."

"That’s not enough," Miko informed them. "I don’t work with people I don’t trust."

"Then let us show you we can be trusted."

next ember >

[vyrulent]

[ FIVE TOUCHES ] Troll King and Rosalyn

meme || @trashcollected

I.

It hadn't been missed by the young queen as Relish's arm brushed against her shoulder. His touch had not been harsh, of anger, or of desire, yet it had been brought on with a protective nature. Approaching general, who'd once been an enemy of this kingdom, had moved a touch too fast for comfort for any royal to be comfortable with.

Her own hand lifted, grasping gently upon the king's arm in an assuring gentleness. Without speaking, without embarrassing him in front of onlookers, Rosalyn told him that everything was okay. She was safe.

II.

Sex had just been about solidifying their marriage as kings and queens had done countless times before. Touch hadn't been a significant part of a royal marriage from what she had been told. Certainly, Rosalyn had never witnessed any touch of affection between her own parents or even of her grandparents.

Without thought, pinky finger brushed gentle against his own. It seemed the proper time to change things. Everyone pitied her for being the wife of a troll, but things had not been as dire as she'd believed it to be. He was a kind and affectionate husband and fiercely protective. It only seemed fair to show the world that there was a level of true affection between them.

The touch of her pinky against his hand turned into the full grasp of his hand within her tinier one. Certainly, the social circles would be gossiping about how the Wolf Queen openly chose to hold the monstrous hands of the Troll King.

III.

Her deception had been found out. The potion bottle that she'd kept hidden away, the one that kept her from completing the most important action a queen could give to her kingdom, had been discovered.

Yet, he hadn't acted as she had assumed.

His hand was on her own, as if understanding her fears. She was a human woman fearful of what a troll child could do to her.

"You're... you're not angry with me," she asked with confusion held within the resonance of spoken words, hand clasped tighter around his own.

IV.

"Come, Relish," hand reached out to take his much larger hand. Petite hands guided his hand to the roundness of her belly.

There had finally been a true kick, a sign of a warrior life growing within her. Rather it be a boy or girl, this child was a strong one already. After having worried the doctors for so long in not moving, the baby had finally decided to fight back against the barrier around them.

"Do you feel the baby," smiled beamed as she laid his hand at the edge of her belly just as a strong kick was given.

V.

"Fuck you, troll bitch!"

Rosalyn was more than ready to go again. Busted lip and bloodied nose did nothing to stop her from curling her hands into fists once more as she went after the smaller troll queen. She'd grown tired in their bullying, in their talking so harshly about her in the halls.

She'd attempted to be respectable and the better queen, but damn had it felt good when she'd finally got a hold of Dorcas. She'd been successful in getting her on the ground after taking a few hits of her own to the face.

But it had been their shared husband that had pulled her back, that had kept her from going back after the troll bitch. It was his strong hands that gripped her shoulders, that kept her shaking body in place when adrenaline wanted to fuel her forward once again.

"Let me go," demand was yelled at to her husband, at the king, most certainly a no-no among most in the court. Voice was seething in a way no one but Ichabod had ever heard. It was a new side of the granddaughter of Red Riding Hood that few had ever seen. "Let me finish her."

[cyrusreblogs]

Oh I FEEL this. Unfortunately sometimes a woman character is poorly written and narratively framed in misogynistic or unsympathetic ways and I STILL end up disliking her even after interrogating the different angles from which she “could have” been written (I’m thinking of Lori Grimes from The Walking Dead, written as a cheating, lying, nagging, shrewish housewife…but she gained my sympathy when the writers tried to frame her desire to end a pregnancy as part of her overall selfishness and lack of care for other human lives, despite her very real concerns about bringing a vulnerable child into an apocalyptic world…and when she ultimately died giving birth to that same baby!! Like Jesus Christ I don’t like her very much and the actress’s vibes are like nails on a chalkboard, but it’s HER decision and she deserved so much better than she got).

But I think it would be patronizing to expect to like EVERY female character, because I don’t like EVERY woman I’ve met either.

Anyway, lots of characters who I like despite writers being uninterested in them, actively misogynistic, or just uncreative. Uhura is underexplored on Star Trek (& getting a little more attention in the reboot, thankfully). Becky from Supernatural is a cruel pastiche of the show’s real life fandom (not that there aren’t some SPN fans who act inappropriately toward the cast sometimes, but Becky is certainly not representative of most of the fandom, or even most of the shippers). Daenerys’s fall from grace on Game of Thrones felt very off to me, like the writers wanted to write a twist so unexpected no one would POSSIBLY guess it in advance, such that it ended up feeling contrived and artificial. They weren’t capable of the creativity necessary to imagine an ending where Daenerys triumphed without it being “boring and predictable” (honestly….not the worst thing it could’ve been), or one in which we deal with the injustice of her downfall…so they just made her go crazy/evil. Whatever.

I’m being specific about the characters and how I feel about them not because I expect everyone to agree with me, or because I think this is the only unproblematic way to look at these characters, but just to show how I personally have wrestled with this.

A woman gets introduced as sneaky and untrustworthy but hot: I see the (hetero male) writers dealing with past romantic disappointments, in which they may not have even attempted to understand the woman’s own feelings and motivations. Listen to what she says. She’s almost certainly the Bearer of Uncomfortable Truths, whether on purpose or not. If she’s not, imagine she’s living under an assumed identity to protect herself from those want to murder her, and that’s why her stories don’t always add up.

A woman is not capable of any consistency at all in her actions and motivations? Ah yes, she’s just filler, and the writers didn’t put any thought into her interiority. Fun pastime: trying to connect the dots so that they do make sense. Might require inventing a lot of complicated backstory.

A young woman is silly and annoying and has very stereotypical interests? Again, no thoughts, just filler. The writers don’t “get” young women. Reimagine her as an Elle Woods type, supremely competent femme superstar.

They really make you work for it sometimes.

when i don’t like a female character on a tv show i treat it like homework. like i know she’s right. i’m the problem. i just have to try harder

[theghostpinesmusic]

Trinity Alps Uber Alles (5/5)

For most of the trip, I'd been trying to come up with something to call the route I'd dreamed up. "Trinity Alps Loop" seemed too generic: technically, there are many loops one could do through the Alps, and there wasn't anything particularly special about the one I'd cooked up other than that I was doing it. Naming the route after one of the many highlights along the way seemed silly, since all the other highlights seemed equally deserving of recognition. Somewhere along the way, though, as the route got harder, and I got tireder, and I stopped thinking "This loop would be even better as a longer, seven-day trip!" and started thinking "I hope I can finish this loop before I run out of food or my legs fall apart," I started thinking of it as the "Trinity Alps Uber Alles" route: it is certainly not the end-all-be-all hike through the Trinities for everyone, but it may well end up being that for me.

But more on that later. For now, the final leg of the trip!

So, it turns out that it's called the "Tri-Forest Trail" because it goes up and over the western shoulder of Tri-Forest Peak, which is a whole-ass mountain that stands fifteen hundred feet above the meadow where I'd spent my fourth night in the Trinity Alps dreaming of a world where I didn't have to climb over any more mountains to get back to my car.

No matter where you go, there you are, and all that.

At least I got an early start. And even though I had to backtrack from my meadow camp all the way back to where Willow Creek flows down off the south face of Tri-Forest Peak and into Deer Creek, at least this time the sky was clear and I could enjoy a view of the White Trinities that I hadn't been able to see through the rain and clouds from the same spot two days earlier.

Having eschewed filling my water bottles between finishing breakfast and breaking camp, I instead stopped here at the intersection of the two creeks to fill both bottles and treat them for what I assumed would be the last time on this trip. The oddly scattered, pine-barren-y area wasn't any more welcoming that it had been the last time I'd passed through it in spite of the clear skies. The sun barely penetrated through the snaggy tree cover, I had to wander off trail to access the creek (dunking my shoes in the process) and the whole area was suffused with a wet, musky smell.

Then, as I crouched by the creek, waiting for my treatment mixture to do its thing, a sense of unease came over me, seemingly out of nowhere. At first I thought maybe it was just because of the dark, almost cave-y nature of the pine barren, but the feeling got stronger and stronger over the course of a few minutes, seemingly apropos of nothing.

Now, I'm not a particularly superstitious person, but I am inclined to believe that my animal-ish body has occasional, genetically-programmed responses to certain outside stimuli that I'm not aware of consciously, and that it's probably smart to pay attention to those responses even when they don't "make sense" to my conscious brain. When I get a weird feeling while sitting on my couch in my safe, cozy house, I tend to shrug it off and go on with my day. When I get a weird feeling in the middle of the woods, ten miles from my car, five days into a backpacking trip, I take it seriously.

So, though I would have been hard-pressed to articulate exactly why, I finished treating my water as fast as possible, rushed back to my pack to load it back up, and started shuffling double-time uphill on the barely-there Willow Creek Trail, wanting only to get up and out of the barrens and away from the weird, claustrophobic feeling my body had decided to visit upon me.

A few minutes later, having just struggled up a particularly steep and loose section of the climb, I stopped to catch my breath just in time to hear a woman's scream echo up from the forest below me. Up from the pine barren where I'd just been.

I hadn't even known there were any people within miles of me, let alone within shouting distance. She must have been hiking toward Willow Creek from the west while I'd been approaching it from the east. Mind whirling, I dropped my pack in the dirt, thinking I could get downhill to help faster without the extra weight, though simultaneously aware that I would be leaving my emergency kit behind. I made it about ten feet down the trail before I heard the man yell for the first time.

"No!" he shouted, in the same flat, no-nonsense tone of voice I used to use when I was first training my blue heeler. "No! Go away! Go!"

I stopped in my tracks, somehow already knowing what I was going to hear next.

"Get away, bear! GO AWAY!"

This was punctuated by another, less panicked but equally loud scream from the man's hiking partner.

I took a few more steps down the hill, then a few backward steps back up the hill, not consciously choosing to do either. I wanted to help, but not knowing the situation I couldn't know how adding myself to it would affect things. I knew from the geography of the trail I'd just climbed that if I came running down the hill to help, I would be coming around a blind corner into the pine barren, potentially scaring the hell out of a huge bear that otherwise might have just been passing through. On the other hand, maybe these people needed help. On the other other hand, even if they did need help, what was I going to do about it?! I wasn't going to win a fight with a bear!

A tense thirty or so seconds passed in silence. Then, some quiet, tense, but distinctly human-sounding shuffling sounds and some nervous chatter. The situation had resolved itself the same way every bear encounter I'd ever had so far has: with the bear passing by and leaving the humans alone. Assured that the hikers below were going to be okay, I headed back uphill, gathered up my pack, and continued climbing (probably a bit faster than necessary) toward Tri-Forest Pass.

Along the way, I marveled at my close encounter (and the other hikers' even closer encounter) with the bear. In particular, the fact that some part of my body and/or brain had somehow known there was a bear nearby. Some part of me, suppressed by the weight of a few millennia of civilization, had been desperately trying to keep me from getting eaten, and I had just barely (no pun intended) paid enough heed to it to mostly-accidentally get myself out of the way in time.

Before too long, though, my reflections were interrupted by reality. Because as it turns out, the Tri-Forest Trail south of Tri-Forest Pass sucks. This was my final big climb of the trip, and while I'd mentally steeled myself earlier that morning to make one more big effort, this section of trail was completely new to me, and I'd underestimated exactly how worn and poorly maintained it would be.

(To be clear, no shade to the volunteers who do maintain the trails these days here. I'm just pointing out that this particular trail, through the fault of no one or no thing but Time Itself, was nearly impossible to follow for most of its two-mile length because of erosion, blowdown, and the fact that it had to do a lot of sharp switchbacking to be able to climb two thousand feet over two miles.)

The amount of times I got lost and had to backtrack to find the trail again over the course of these two miles was probably a new record for me, and that was with GaiaGPS on my phone. Add to that the constant uphill grade, my anxiety over the recent bear scare, and the (for once) hot sun, and it was even rougher going than I'd expected it to be.

At first, the trail ran mostly to the north underneath the cover of a thick pine forest, but eventually it bent left, to the west, and things opened up into a series of beautiful meadows, which I would have enjoyed a lot more if I hadn't kept mistaking the various huge, dark rocks that dotted said meadows for recumbent black bears.

Eventually, a granite face emerged in the distance, and shortly after that, the trail led me to it. Despite my current running-on-empty state, this was exciting: I loved the idea of finishing off this last big climb by scrambling up another pile of granite, even if it was going to be difficult.

Before long, though, the trail tricked me again: it didn't so much scale the granite as it led me right up to it and then, through a series of difficult-to-follow switchbacks and traverses, guided me below and around it. And then uphill through more loose dirt and under more pine trees.

This final stretch of the trail swung me around to the east. The bad news was that things became exceptionally steep from here on out. The good news was that the trail was actually, consistently visible for the last four hundred feet of elevation.

Before too long, I staggered punch-drunkenly to the top of Tri-Forest Pass (it's actually unnamed on the topo maps, but it makes sense to call it this if you have to call it something). There was much of a view to speak off from the top in either direction, but I was so spent at this point that I dropped down under a tall pine tree anyway and took a long break. It was my first since before the bear encounter.

Though it was likely nothing that a few hours' rest wouldn't have fixed, I felt extremely spent at this point, and tried to take solace in the fact that everything from here on out would at least either be a) a downhill or b) a flat. Contradicting my attempt at optimism was a view from the Pass down the South Fork Salmon River Valley to the north, where I could actually see the Big Flat camping and parking area, still seven miles of hiking through a blasted-looking burn zone away.

I was almost out of food, but I ate most of the snacks I had left anyway, drank half of my water, and then started down the north side of Tri-Forest Pass.

The footing here was hard, the trail was narrow, but at least the route was easier to follow than the south side of the pass had been. Downhills like this one usually feel like a reward to me after a long, exhausting climb, but in this case, after they'd taken five days' worth of Trinities-style hiking already, my knees almost immediately took on the feeling of bags full of broken glass. I consciously slowed down a bit to give them a break, and around that time is when the burnt-out, leafless trees started giving up views of a magnificent granite wall to my left.

A quick glance at my topo map confirmed my suspicion that this was "the backside" of the Caribou Mountain ridge, the same face that had overhung my campsite on the very first night of the trip (what now felt like weeks ago) when I'd camped on the other side of it next to Upper Caribou Lake. This was a really neat full-circle moment that made me really happy (even if, in retrospect, it's obvious that I was going to have to parallel this ridge to get back to the car). And the further I descended, the more the view opened up, until I was basically walking on top of a low shoulder of the ridge with the rest of it exploding up into the sky beside me. It was one of my favorite parts of the entire trip, both because it was unexpected and because it was just straight-up beautiful.

Eventually, and to much rejoicing from my knees, I made it to the bottom of the valley and the pitch of the trail dropped off significantly.

(By the way, it was hard to climb up to the pass from the south and then descend to the north for all of the reasons I've already described, but having done it in one direction, I feel confident in saying that doing in the opposite direction (north to south) would be brutal. Going up the way I came down, especially on a hot and/or sunny day, would be extremely grindy and difficult. So, if you absolutely have to hike over this pass at some point in your life, I'd recommend doing it the way I did it if you have a choice.)

The valley was filled with stands of semi-burnt-out pines, which provided some shade while mostly failing to block views of the still-majestic granite wall to my left. At first, ambling through this area was pretty enjoyable compared to everything else I'd already done that day.

Eventually, about four miles from the parking lot, I came across a trail crew, who was base camped along the river and working on rebuilding a few sections of the trail as I passed through. I stopped for a minute to express my gratitude for their work and to try to commiserate about both the difficulty of their work and the beauty of the day, but none of them were having it at all and they all sort of looked at me like I was an alien. I suppose I can't blame them: to them, hikers like me are probably a lot like the guy lounging in the mansion's Olympic-size pool while trying to be relatable to the hired help.

Who knows? Maybe that's not it at all. Maybe they just thought I was insane to have come over the pass from the south by myself. Maybe I was insane.

I shrugged it off and kept walking.

The last few miles passed like they often do at the end of a trip (in a kind of exhausted, hungry, dehydrated haze), but worse. As I hiked north, the tree cover got sparser and sparser, the sun got hotter and hotter, I started to miss having food to eat, and I started to worry that I was going to run out of water before I got to the car, like, in a bad way rather than in a just-inconvenient way.

I tried to take as many breaks as possible to go easy on myself, but the more breaks I took the less I felt they actually helped me feel better. The one legitimately cool part of this section of the hike, though, was the absolutely astonishing amount of fireweed growing along the trail. Fireweed is already probably my favorite wildflower, for both aesthetic and poetic reasons, and so I'm always looking for it in burn areas, but I've literally never seen this much of it in one place before. It was late enough in the season that the vast majority of it was already reduced to its weird white-fluff state, but it was still an awesome sight. If I'd been passing through two or three weeks earlier, when it had all still been in bloom, I may have just completely lost my mind.

It was everywhere. All the fireweed and the forest of burnt-out trunks made a weirdly mesmerizing landscape.

Right about the time that I'd finally reached Frodo-on-Mount-Doom levels of tiredness, I finally reached the point in the trail where it crosses the South Fork Salmon (at least if you're taking the Valley Loop Trail back to Big Flat instead of the Tri-Forest Trail, which I'd had more than enough of by that point).

I knew that this meant that I only had about a mile left to go, and I figured I could tough it out from there alright. So I did.

The last quarter-mile of trail or so took me past a few campers from Big Flat, out for a short dayhike to the river. In passing them and saying hello, I felt (like I often do at the end of a trip) that I must look and sound like some kind of uncivilized, semi-human animal after five days alone in the woods, an unpleasant reminder (for them) of what humans used to be before we grew out of the world.

On one hand, this often makes me feel embarrassed, but at the same time it's an oddly comforting thought, somehow. I kind of want to be that animal, in a way. Or at least being that makes more sense to me than being anything else.

Anyway, I finally made it back to the parking lot to find that part of the tree directly above my car had snapped off a few days before during the rain/windstorm and that only a small strip of bark was holding a twenty-foot piece of thick trunk at an acute angle to the rest of the tree, keeping it from falling on and likely crushing the roof of my car.

The woods, am I right? Can't live with 'em, can't have a functioning global ecosystem without 'em.

That's what I always say, at least. I'm definitely always saying that.

Despite all the trials and tribulations (both expected and unexpected) of my fifth day on the trail, once I had packed up the car and started to drive back down Coffee Creek Road toward civilization, I decided to add an extra hour to my drive home so that I could divert over to Weaverville and get a (veggie) burger and a beer at Trinity Brewing Company. It's been my go-to lunch (or dinner) spot after nearly every previous hike in the Trinities that I've done over the last few years, and even though it was well out of my way to go there this time, it felt like a necessary way to mark and celebrate the end of my longest adventure in the Alps so far.

It was, of course, absolutely worth the extra drive time. Their french fries are absolutely incredible after you've been eating camp food for multiple days.

I had driven down to Big Flat five days earlier wanting to end the summer on an epic note, and it struck me as I was driving home that maybe I had actually struck too epic of a note. This had been the rare trip where I'd actually had to adjust my itinerary to make things easier because I'd been so worn out by the midpoint that I'd doubted my own ability to safely finish the route I'd originally planned on doing.

I absolutely thought (and still think) that shortening that route and hiking back to the car via Tri-Forest Trail had been the right thing to do, but that one choice was really a microcosm of something I'd felt through much of the back half of the trip: namely, that while I was physically capable of hiking this monstrously challenging route through the Trinities and back, it was hard enough that somewhere in there I'd actually stopped enjoying myself as much as I usually do on backpacking trips and instead reverted to more of a survival mindset.

And, while it's always good to set challenges for yourself and meet them, and while I definitely felt proud of myself for having finished the route I'd actually done, a route that would have seemed completely insane and impossible for me to do even a few years earlier, I also felt that at some point (probably around Echo Lake), the challenge of the trip had superseded my ability to enjoy it. At some point, I had just gotten too tired to truly appreciate the beauty of the mountains I love so much as those very mountains dispassionately wore out my muscles and crushed my feet into hamburger while I threw myself against them over and over again.

Even reflecting on it and writing about it now, months later, I'm glad that I did exactly what I did, but I think there's an important lesson in there, too: that there's a level of physical and mental challenge that I can push myself to (and meet!) that nonetheless sort of spoils the reason that I go to the mountains in the first place.

With that in mind, I don't know that I'll ever do anything like the "Trinity Alps Uber Alles" ever again, but if I do, it'll only be after adding another few days' worth of food to my kit so that I can take it more slowly and enjoy it more. Because if I can't, then what's the point?

The Trinity Alps are fucking incredible. You should never go there or tell anyone you know about them.

Cheers until new adventures next spring! May the trail always rise to meet you...unless you want to climb that hill, in which case give 'em hell.

Final "Trinity Alps Uber Alles" climbing stats, for fun (and, frankly, because I'm proud of having survived this meat grinder):

Day 1, Big Flat to Upper Caribou Lake: 9 mi, 3500 ft. gain Day 2, Upper Caribou Lake to Morris Meadows: 12 mi, 3000 ft gain Day 3, Morris Meadows to Echo Lake: 11 mi, 4500 ft gain Day 4, Echo Lake to Deer Creek Meadows: 11 mi, 2500 ft gain Day 5, Deer Creek Meadows to Big Flat: 12 mi, 2500 ft gain

Five-Day Total: 55 mi, 16,000 ft gain

[queenharumiura]

Hibari x fem!Tsuna (I really like this ship so I would like to know what do you think about it 🙂)

[My KHR ship game] ||Accepting|| @squalettaReminder: As with the last one, take my thoughts with a grain of salt because I can only speak on what I know about your muse, who is a canon divergent gender bend. Forgive any inaccuracies.

Hate it |Am Neutral to it| Ship it| love it! |

I say neutral because I mean- I am not entirely sure how things would go due to variables of- Tsu-chan is not exactly a canon character in the sense that I cannot use canon to accurately depict events and how scenes unfolded between characters. Some scenes obviously had to change in the event of her being female. I do see the potential though.

That disclaimer out of the way, let's get started on my thoughts!

A few parts may be copy pasted from the last one that I answered for Tsu-chan, because… it would make my life a bit easier lol. These things get long so I’m sure I can be forgiven for that.

Just like when I answered the Xanxus x Tsuna one, I personally do not like Hibari x Tsuna for the same reason as before. The shippers always make him the most uke to have ever uke. The megaladommed of ukes. I hate it. Tsuna is made to be a fearful lil dude and pretty timid but he’s not actually like that. He has some back bone to him. He knows when to take a stand. Moreover, he would at least put up a bit of a fight. He’d be panicking at the very LEAST, but not just crying through everything. Bruh.

So, with that, we have the contrasting Tsu-chan as I like to call her. We’ve established before in a ‘how do I see your muse’ kinda meme that happened a while back. [x] Linked for reference. I enjoy the fact that she has more fight in her in the form of sass/sarcasm. She’s more willing to just take charge initially as opposed to Tsuna who normally takes a more nuanced neutral stance at first before he finally decides ‘okay I need to act’. I am going off on a limb to assume that some of this can come about due to the fact that Tsu-chan is a woman.

She likely had people who doubt her ability to take charge and to lead a massive famiglia like the Vongola. Not to forget that she was quite young when Reborn first came into her life to train her to become the 10th. Women in general are usually told to just be pretty and it is best to be subservient to a degree. Just let the men do all the work, or to simply listen to men as that’s their place. That is a mentality that a lot of places tend to have though things are better in more modern times and in some countries.

I think, Tsu-chan had to take the stand and had to prove herself time and time again to the point where she’s just so used to having to prove herself that it resulted in her faster and stronger response to altercations than Tsuna did. He has a more passive kind of attitude to things but she does not. She’s also seemingly more ambitious than (M)Tsuna likely was. That’s the vibe I get. She may be respectful towards others, but she can easily take it back. She will take shit from NO ONE. It isn’t to say that (M)Tsuna doesn’t have fight in him. It isn’t to say that TYL him didn’t have ambitions either. However, canon him was always shown to be more gentle and passive until you went over a line and then he acts. Then everything he was holding in comes forth and he’s a force.

Tsu-chan, I have the gut feeling, has a much lower threshold, than (M)Tsuna. Also possibly had less insecurity issues than that of (M)Tsuna. I cannot speak to all iterations of how you write her, but at least based off the premise of our interactions, Tsu-chan had a childhood friend and one she got along well with.

Haru is such a positive bean (THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!) and she’s such a caring and supportive person (THE BEST WAIFU OF MY LAIFU!!!!!!!!) and so I think that as opposed to (M)Tsuna who didn’t have friends, she would certainly have a bit less of the sociability issues that he had. From this, you could say that she has more emotional intelligence than he does. This may turn into her having a stronger sense of self, which then means that she’s more willing to assert herself. So, from a younger age, she was PROBABLY (I’m just guessing) more willing to be honest and speak up than (M)Tsuna was.

From the backstory tinkering that I had to do when I took on Yamamoto as a muse [x] linked for reference, these changes do make an impact on things, even if a bit small in some aspects. Hibari, as we know, is very fond of Namimori. Anyone who breaks the rules or sullies the sanctity of his beloved Namimori is gonna die, plain and simple. Initially, he doesn’t like her that much when he realizes who she hangs out with, the loud one, and the one that needs to get bitten to death on the daily. (How dare he smoke on premises!) Yamamoto is okay in his book. Additionally, Reborn is quite the interesting little baby, so he adjusts his opinion of her slightly. She at least can survive on the day to day basis. He does really detest it any time she does her lil ‘stripping act’ as he probably terms it. Public indecency is no good and it disrupts the order of the school. A repeat offender. It’s Reborn’s fault but--- still a repeat offender.

Due to her presence in school, Namimori has been hassled a lot. Let this guy rest and enjoy his school life in peace!! But nooooo because she’s here, his beloved school gets turned into a fighting ring, students get targeted for their teeth, students go missing for months, etc. He gets SO CROSS with her, I swear to god.

Still, as we know from TYL arc, he does come to respect her and he has acknowledged her fighting abilities. As a person who appreciates strength and finds fun in a challenge, that is something that would catch his attention and amuse him. He just likes capable people, really. If she is capable in fighting, or leading a mafia, or anything else, that can catch his attention. Anything that can cause him to respect someone, even minutely is a good thing. I honestly haven’t really seen Tsu-chan interact with a Hibari much at all, so I can’t really say—but my gut feeling is telling me that even if she’s the boss she still treats him with respect. I feel like she never truly loses the respect for him as a senpai, but will still exercise her right and authority as boss over him if absolutely necessary.

I doubt it happens all that often though. If you know how to talk to Hibari properly, it won’t ever need to come to that, and I’m sure she’s smart enough to figure it out. It’s quite important to him that she wouldn’t treat him like she’s above him and is his boss. He would much prefer it to be like she acknowledges what the ranks may be, but she still sees him as something similar to an equal and treats him as such. A part of it is his pride, and another part of it is his strong sense of independence that would prevent him from truly seeing her as his boss in a true sense. I have always had the feeling that he merely sticks around because it’s sometimes amusing (the engaging fights) and because their ideals align just right. He wants to keep Namimori (his territory) safe, and she also wants to protect everything and everyone near and dear to her. So having similar goals is a way for them to join forces so to speak.

It does parallel the fact that Alaude did create the Cedef which is more or less an independent entity that’s still affiliated with the Vongola. He’s really a cat who is like I’m not one of you, but sometimes I work with you for the sake of what needs to get done.

Given what I think I know about her, I think she would respect his individualism and wouldn’t push him to see her as his boss. I don’t think she really cares for that? Sure, she acknowledges him as her Cloud Guardian and it would be important for her to ensure that he wouldn’t betray anyone in the Vongola and it is important to be able to ask him to go on certain missions—and that’s the extent of it. She doubt you portray her in a way where she feels the need to exercise power over another person to feel superiority. I think she moreso would choose to collaborate with others based off trust and faith.

IF I am right in thinking Tsu-chan is like that, then it’s important to him because his sense of self is very important to him. He cannot be chained and refuses to be chained according to someone else’s ideals. He will choose for himself what he wants in life and he is quite picky about those that he allows to be in his circle. He is a bit prickly //motions to Dino and Kusakabe. Even those pretty close to him aren’t spared from the tyranny that is his blood-thirsty tonfas. Still, he does have some level of care for those that he’s allowed to stay around him.

I’m not entirely sure for what reason she would have to like him… perhaps it’s his stubborn nature that is admirable. Man was poisoned with something that can take down and elephant and Hibari really said FUKKA YOUUUU I BITE THIS TOWER TO DEATH!!!!!!!! Even though he had broken bones, he was still able to move with Gokudera until they got to where Mukuro and Tsuna were and could still try to fight. That is an incredibly stubborn person who is full of a lot of drive and will power. That is really admirable.

I AM A BIASED BITCH- HE IS ALSO JUST REALLY PRETTY AND ATTRACTIVE. MAN WASN’T VOTED #1 ‘I WANT THIS MAN AS MY HUSBAND’ IN JAPAN FOR NO REASON!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH

If you look past his violent tendencies, he actually has shown signs of being considerate towards others and having some level of compassion. He can be gentle, especially to his lil animal friends. It is what I call DANGEROUS GAP MOE and that’s a powerful thing.

As for Hibari, I think he could be drawn to the fact that despite the fact that she never wanted the life of being in the mafia, she eventually had to accept it and she made the best of the situation what she could. She made the most out of her life and she continues to strive to do more and do better. As a stubborn mule, it’s super difficult to force Hibari into doing anything he doesn’t want to do, but for the greater good, she accepted the task of being a Vongola boss and she is taking the initiative to change things to fit what SHE wants. This aspect not only shows a level of drive of making sure that she can forge her own happiness, but it also shows that she’s willing to step down for the greater good and that’s a really big sacrifice that many aren’t willing to take.

It takes a lot of courage and heart to do such a thing, and I think that though he can’t understand it, he finds it respectable of her. She strives to do her best and even though she faces adversity due to being a woman, she doesn’t let that hinder her. She fights for what she believes in, she fights for others, and she’ll defy anything that goes against her morality. He’s seen for himself how powerful her will is, and how her stubbornness can rival his own- so he respects her for that in the TYL.

I don’t know if you’ll have it where she sometimes shows a bit of the canon fear that Tsuna does towards Hibari, or if she’ll rather take on a more teasing nature with him or what. I sadly do not have any material to go off to really speak more concretely about how a ship between them would go. How she interacts with Hibari is quite important to how he would view her.

Teasing him can be okay, but to a point. It depends on how and how often. Depending on the type of teasing, it’ll just piss him off or turn him away. Only some types of teasing (ie ones that would spark fighting spirit) is something that catches his interest. It amuses him. Fighting back against him also has good sides and bad sides. If she fights against him in a way to appeal to her own standards and morality, that’s something he can respect. IF she tries to fight against him as a way to exert control or power over him that would royally PISS HIM OFF and he won’t stand for it. He hates to feel confined and controlled. Like a cloud, he is a free spirit. If she teases him in a way that it feels like she’s looking down on him or doing so in a way that’s like ‘you can’t even fight back because I’m your boss’ that would also piss him off.

These are just examples, I don’t actually think Tsu-chan would do that. This is mostly to explain how he’s quite the fickle guy, and if you don’t go about it the right way, he can instantly be turned off from a person, and when that happens he’ll never go back. Once you’ve been put in the ‘this person is a monkey’ list, you aren’t ever getting out of it- so give up on romancing him.

I feel like maybe it could work, a ship between them. It honestly truly would depend on interactions. If they were to be a couple, I think it would be interesting. He quite frankly doesn’t give a shit about politics or rules. If he decided to love someone, that’s that. Literally anyone can try and tell him ‘but she’s your boss, you ca-’ clean up on aisle fuk u. As a lover, I do think Hibari is the type to be quietly supportive. He would support her in whatever she wanted to do, and have faith in her abilities to see things through. If she had decided on something, he won’t argue against her and instead just support her. He values his independence and self-governance, so he would give her the same right.

He wouldn’t try to force anything upon her. HOWEVER, he does seem to have some traditional values/interests from what I’ve seen, so he would be pretty strict on some matters. He’d be strict about not showing too much PDA out in public or instance. He would be very clear about the level of intimacy that either party can show to others. He wouldn’t stand for anyone getting too close to her or vice versa, he wouldn’t allow anyone to get too close to himself. He’d get extremely irate if she were to get too close to someone. Euro-style greetings like kisses on cheeks and stuff is fine, by the way. It’s anything that feels like she’s getting too close to another person that may vaguely feel like cheating territory, he’d never stand for it. Unforgivable to him.

Will state that I don’t say this as a means to suggest I think she’d cheat or allow someone to touch her without her permission. I mostly explain this to focus on the fact he’s VERY TERRITORIAL. He does have a bit of a jealous streak, as well as a tendency to enjoy marking his territory. He just enjoys the act of marking what’s his because it’s his. It doesn’t mean he is insecure about a relationship or thinks she’d cheat. HE simply just enjoys the feeling and knowledge of: this is mine. Consider him like a greedy dragon, honestly.

If she can’t handle that, Hibari is not for her lol.

Though, I will state that people sometimes forget that he too has a silly side to him. He’s quite sarcastic and such, and he’s a bit rude. He does have some traditional mindsets, but the biggest aspect about him is: HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS AND HE FOLLOWS HIS OWN RULES.

If he personally thinks some rules are stupid, they don’t exist. So some traditional values may get thrown out the door, but some other values he will keep iron clad.

My fingers are starting to hurt so I’ll stop there. There’s not much I can really say because I honestly don’t know how the two would interact.

This is to preface me saying because I have no actual interactions to base off of, I have no way of being able to come up with cute ideas between them. Sorry again, gonna have to make due without that section again.