#i am certainly feeling great
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just finished the good omens audiobook how are we feeling
#i am certainly feeling great#and happy#and like i achieved something#but at the same time#wow#there's a lot of scenes that were added in on the tv-show#but then again there was also some small things that were book-exclusive#context for certain situations too#overall?#what a nice book#good omens
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📸: Ryan Fleming
#ok listen. we all know I'm Going Thru Something when it comes to this man. so. this is. i am. i just think that. *dies*#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke#the 5sos show tour lisbon#ryan fleming 2023#Instagram#band ig#kh4f post#i just. feel so unhinged sometimes in such brand new ways it surprises even ME#🧛🏻♀️#like#WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION#DO U SEE THAT CHEST HAIR#THE COLLARBONE#IT'S JUTTING#DO YOU ZEE THE JUTTING COLLARBONE#AND I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE AND FINISH THE EMAIL I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING??#FITTINGLY IT WAS TO MY THERAPIST SO ACTUALLY MAYBE THAT WORKS OUT 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩#that necklace jfc i am. i am fine. don't worry about it I'm actually doing great thanks#and the beard#i'm 🤸🏻♀️ doing 🤸🏻♀️ okay 🤸🏻♀️#THIS IS CERTAINLY PHOTOGRAPHY#GONNA LEAVE NOW THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE VISUAL MEDIA#the 5sos show tour
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Care to Join Us For Some Tea?
(Emmrich Volkarin & Sascha Ingellvar)
Rook is a very strange creature, always keeping to the shadows of the Lighthouse like a timid ghost. It isn't until Emmrich recalls a strange encounter, three decades past and in the depths of the Grand Necropolis, that he begins to understand what made Sascha Ingellvar into the man he is today.
Read Here!
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#original content#emmrich volkarin#da rook#sascha ingellvar#ao3#this was a fun (painful) one to write#I've mentioned it before but I work in a school and that involves working with all kinds of kids AND adults#And the process of “child has tendency to run- one adult talks to other adult- one tries to deal with the child- one documents behavior”#is one that I know pretty well at this point#by the time of datv Sascha is 36 years old and has Developed past where he was at 6 but he's still... the child they found in the tombs#He's always going to be strange and echoy and socially awkward and unsure who it's Safe to be around#he just really really really needs a place to Belong and I feel like he'll be able to find that in the Lighthouse amongst the Veilguard#sorry if I bring up anyone's worst memories of being in Special Ed and not treated well by the overworked staff in there#And I'm really happy with how I ended up writing Emmrich and his POV#According to QoAM I did really well#I feel like people know Emmrich very well as he is in-game so I wanted to explore him in his younger days before he's as Established#not just as a Mourn Watch but as someone who is more willing to stand up for what's right and- especially- someone who loves children#I think of all the people I knew in their teens who Hated kids who have softened more and more as they got older and more mature#I certainly don't think Emmrich ever hated children (he's always been Soft) but I feel like it's more of a “how patient am I?”#Like I look at Manfred and how he also Echoes and Mimics and I'm like. Yeah. That's like my little special ed kids.#Emmrich you would be PERFECT in the life skills room I wanna go run Coffee Cart with you that would be great#anyway happy birthday Sascha!! So sorry that your childhood was so fucking awful and you spent your sixth birthday like This#Tumblr not linking to ao3 makes me want to kill this site#Birthday Fic
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gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)
I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.
he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"
#red randomness#p. g. wodehouse#he was so known for not having sex with his beloved wife#that i truly didn't expect this at all#i feel like i see a lot of people saying with a great deal of confidence that he was sex-repulsed ace#especially due to the wife thing#but while he certainly may have been ace on some level#i feel like at the very least this casts some doubt on the sex-repulsed part lmao#i suppose it's possible he was lying but wouldn't this be such a specific and unnecessary lie in this context?#especially for a private letter to a friend he'd known and worked with for decades#because he really didn't even need to bring it up#of course i am open to evidence to the contrary#i just dislike seeing overconfident opinions broadly prevail#even when aspects of a real person's life suggest the possibility of otherwise#the study of history is meant to breed discussion!#and something that goes against the grain of past assumption is certainly worth discussing imo#also very grateful to the unpublished monograph by George Simmers about Honeysuckle Cottage#because that's how i found out about this letter in the first place!#great monograph mr. simmers please publish it someday#opened my third eye about the potential latent homosexuality in that story (among other things)#and at risk of having someone get mad at me or say i'm trying to like. diminish or slander the ace community by saying this#please don't assume that. that's why i've been afraid to share this before.#i'm not confidently stating wodehouse is anything. he's a real man who lived and i didn't know him#but by the same token neither does anyone else#i'm just as tired of people in history who have a fair amount of suggestion of being aroace being broadly assumed gay#despite evidence to the contrary#or people confidently assigning queerness to historical figures when evidence of them being queer in any way is ambiguous at best#everything in history is a maybe. we just collect facts and analyze them.#and my current analysis based on this line is that i'm not sure i think he was very sex-repulsed after all#(but like. i'm not going around insulting or fighting people about it in dms or something. and neither should you)
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The Gender Crisis™ is still Gender Crisising™ but I don't have time for that right now lmao.
#my ramblings#considering genderfluid to be honest but i also still don't know if i want to label it lol#it's hard because i literally cannot pinpoint it and sometimes i get overwhelming feelings that switch so often that they confuse me so idk#like i fully don't know if i don't feel gender at all and am sometimes attatched to presenting myself different ways void of gender#or if i only don't feel gender sometimes and the other times i do feel gender#lol idk#to be honest sometimes i do feel a strong pull to different genders and then the next day i'm repulsed by the thought of it#and then two weeks later i'm back in the fucking building and then i'm like oh okay#and it's becoming a pattern now so i could very well be genderfluid lmaoooo#but i still don't knowwwww#because i still feel very agender a lot of the time#and then sometimes i'm like no wtf i'm a woman#and then other times i'm like no wtf i am not a woman#and then sometimes i'm like what if i woke up as a guy tomorrow huh wouldn't that be so great actually#and then three hours later i'm like no wtf i am not a guy#and then sometimes i'm like oh well i'm certainly a gender#yep#don't know which one though#and then i'm like nah i'm just a woman#and the cycle continues#bro if i am genderfluid i switch so often that it's honestly annoying but also kind of funny#anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk
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I was so focused on the idea of the Oceans 9-1-1 and the Truck Bombing having the potential of police procedural and hospital reveals that my brain forgot about the possibility of a hospital jail reveal in Fight or Flight. Idk there's something about people finding out in a crisis that tickles my brain.
Genuinely the AUAUs are genius because I can never stop thinking about different ways the firefam find out and that'd be true even after the actual reveal I think. (BTW I've given up on actual reveal predictions I have a better track record guessing AUAUs!)
lskdghd thank you! There are just so many good ways for everyone to find out, like indeed ranging from silly to uncomfortable to wild to adrenaline fueled, which is why writing those AUAUs is so fun! At this point, the main verse is just an excuse to avoid having to write the set up for it lmao
I do have something planned to post during the Doug arc that isn't an AUAU, but I feel will add to the pain >:3 and I cannot wait for a certain playground conversation... but now I'm going to zip it xp
#rr ask#is the playground convo from canon? no.#but i loved writing ittttt#very fun fun#also im so glad the auaus are also adding to the main verse#like continuously considering all the ways it can come out is so fun#and that it keeps it on the mind is a bonus lmao#i do like hearing predictions#but im so bad at keeping things to myself that idk how to respond#but if youre ever right then im not gonna tell you xp#also kudos for guessing auaus xp#i do think the next one will be slightly unexpected#and certainly the chapter 31 auau#im feeling very evil about that one#but I was gonna shush!#(dont tattle on me for continuing to yap in the tags lol)#i love getting asks :D#great excuse to babble. which I am known for thank you very much#shout out to the 42 min long voice note i send to my partner about this#which i did to avoid coming on here and sharing everything instead xp
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genuinely always so shocked to see mirei hate. like literally god forbid women do anything.
#contra.txt#y5 haters in general... does playable haruka mean nothing to you...#DOES SHINADA TATSUO MEAN NOTHING TO YOU...#for legal reasons this is a joke people are allowed to feel however they want about whatever it's just viddy games#and i fully acknowledge y5 and its litany of flaws#of which there are certainly enough for any given individual to justifiably dislike/hate its entirety but I AM A Y5 LOVER THRU AND THRU#saejima's arc is just an arguably less interesting rehash of the one he had in 4?#(jail; jailbreak; betrayed by his lil buddy guy#but now we're sans the interesting character stuff of his feelings regarding the hit. & also i miss his hair.#& that's not even to say i think saejima is boring in y5 i think there's some interesting subtext to take away from his character#unique to this entry but it's pretty hard to deny how much is literally just y4 again but now he's bald)#BUT WHO GAFS he got buffed to hell gameplay-wise and punches bears now#and also baba's a great character and he doesn't have to do a whole chase minigame if a cop sees him anymore#bloated/unfocused feeling in general to the game?#WELL THAT'S JUST MORE CONTENT BABY!!! only a real issue if you're a completionist imo#+ are u telling me you don't wanna drive a taxi? u don't wanna play a video game in which the goal is to drive as normally as possible?#and i loveeeee multiple protagonists yay <3 y0 y4 and y5 are my favs so far lol (up to y6)#kiryu's inclusion in y5 also feels way more justified than in y4. he was so tacked on there i'm trying to remember what he even really did#other than tiger dropping as a boss fight before instantly forgetting how to tiger drop the second he became playable#and losing track of yasuko and getting tag-teamed by akiyama and tanimura (cough) and beating up daigo#but in exchange akiyama becomes the protag that feels kinda tacked on in y5. way less so than kiryu in y4 tho for sure#anyway. weird/strangely justified plot beats? WELL THAT'S JUST EVERY YAKUZA GAME#an arguably strange/poor writing choice for majima especially given how he ended up being written in y0?#well honestly other than the age thing i think it makes him more interesting... he's kinda fucked up!#but i do get why people are /really/ not a fan of it. ik i just said i think it makes him more interesting but if it gets retconned#or even just never mentioned again i wouldn't be surprised tbh#but additionally he's not even a major character in y5 so it feels like it's not really a significant complaint imo#anyway anyone can do this ('this' being acknowledging the flaws of a thing and then letting how much they otherwise enjoy#said thing determine how much they let said flaws influence their overall opinion) ...such is the beauty of subjectivity... i love you.#yakuza
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"normal" meaning "unquestionable" & the embrace of that cropping up anywhere such as an aim to be on the unquestionable side of a Normal / Weird binary, thus surely being a comfortable effortless indelible version of Good that stems from "just be normal"
ppl out here like freud 2.0 where well they had the sufficiently normal Nuclear Household family(tm) experience so they're sufficiently normal for it, versus the weirdos who had the Questionable family times so as to end up with Issues, surely unlike all those who are Family Issue free, i.e. normal, no question. like how also Going To School is Normal, so of course there's that idea that anyone who didn't go to school normal style or did but Did That Wrong are the people made Weirder with Issues. & when what's Normal is what's Good is what's Unquestionable it's like why would i need to question it when it's so normal? why wouldn't some rando asshole nepo man be Meritous & Good at business when he's so Successful at it. speaks for itself, same as Your role of being treated entirely differently does, this can't be questioned, blame it on your own failures; again how the supposedly "questionable" experiences (unlike other ones, which need no Legitimate questioning) are pathologized like. people talking about disabled ppl's lacking "social skills" being this meaningful Driver of ableism just like poor people's lacking "financial literacy" being that darn cause of classism & resource extraction, the already Questioned vulnerable [you're just doing it wrong / failing] people are the cause of their own mistreatment, Normal people who are so socially & financially successful are helpless, this victim blaming (can't question it. Normal) sure totally doesn't speak to abuse being "normal" as well
which, good thing abuse totally isn't Normal i.e. in the territory of unquestionable things (with, obviously, the idea that Abuse (Real abuse, if you like) must be Exceptional in addition to, if not to Really be, "obviously" questionable) since if something can't be questioned then surely it's also How Things Were In The Beginning, Are Now, & Ever Shall Be (catholic prayer paraphasing re: god, for referential context) & there's just nothing to do but invest in & play into it For Success & resent / punish / try to eliminate disruption, like people just existing but doing it Weird, c'mon, be a better person please, obviously....meanwhile people out here approaching queerness in a way that accepts & acts according to the unquestionable normal of abuse of queerness, such that oh the "abnormality" of being queer (that is, "normal" people's abuse in the face of awareness of queerness) is unquestionable, such that Oh No, investment in that abuse now & forever world without end amen, & now punching down on the people who are just Being Weird & Disrupting this embrace of the norm: radfems invested in "all bodies will be classed as men & women & the former abuse the latter" & hate women who already disrupt this premise; pointing out ace exclusionism as terf logic just applied in the different context where queer vs nonqueer binary is neatly detected just as the gender binary is & people who already prove that & the way it's defined is not the case are the real problems, infiltrating Unquestionable (Normal) Queerness & delegitimizing it i.e. being The Cause of e.g. homophobic abuse, which will also unquestionably exist, so if we're gonna blame someone as Needing To Change it'll have to be uhhh already also affected Weird people who are ruining things, they're the Real causes of this abuse, so they're basically men, basically cis, basically straight. boooo to trans ace bi pan aro nonbinary gnc people....hardest to be binary gender "same sex" "romantic" "visible" Truly Queer couple currently holding hands in public or in front of family, & it's You Mfs who make it harder, not, yknow, the people who were already always embracing & perpetuating the abuse bolstering Normal(tm) Cishet Just Being Normal. and of course don't forget going after poly people & others disrupting / not accepting premises about Unquestionable Relationship Structures/Requirements. so not just being normal
also the beloved concept broken out that, of course, Being Normal = Being Good, b/c hello, unquestionable?? where it's like meaningless ideas that abuse is Abnormal like ":( hurt people hurt people" (inherently a framing to counter any response to [person is hurting me] that's not silent secret sympathy forever i guess. nobody's using this catchphrase to argue for Hey Quick let's all intervene to stop someone being hurt, lest they go on to hurt anyone themselves) like & yet everyone is hurt, yet not everyone is doing shit where these arguments are broken out after they're already getting away with nonsense & we're telling others to just stop complaining, while also not everyone isn't getting shit on for being "disruptive" & perchance the real hurtful problems for trying to Stop being shitted on, or just have a little more breathing room to day to day live while it happens. everyone's hurt bitch let's get you some "what's the actual patterns & context of supported power imbalance made emergently evident by whose choices & life are constrained & undermined & made smaller" like. or the expanded idea as that well all abuse comes from Being abused, i.e. the Cycle, never mind that abuse is everywhere as per its being Normal, & nobody's intervening every time it manifests despite its supposed exceptionality thus rareness & supposed indication that someone's Being abused to cause it. just gotta roll with it, wow. & pathologize being victim to it, abuser in the making, Vulnerable People are dangerous, those insulated & given more access to systemically backed power in an oh so Normal way are surely oh so Safe as well. the very rich families are all lovely havens. the abused people are treated so well & embraced & supported by all the more Normal people they encounter, certainly not Also isolated, bullied, victim blamed by these Normal friends family coworkers new partners randos in public randos who are "professionals"
but yknow uh literally just be normal lol. aaand post. and like "lol being Anti Being Normal? just like a weirdo" like yeah of course. and what, i'm gonna try to win the heart & mind of someone like "of course you have blue hair & pronouns" & convert them, as would definitely happen if only all transgenderists were Normal about it? and the perspective of "what Unquestionable Good is ever actually coming from striving to get to point at Others as Weird" involves going like "nooo i wanna see myself & be seen as Just Being Normal" instead of like having ideas / arguments about how to be considerate towards people which can be articulated in any other way & involve effort & said consideration (ft. anything able to be questioned)
#but i think we all agree that ppl pointing & going ''ugh poly shit ruining everything'' or ''aplatonic?? lmfao'' are heroes AND le epic#always feel free to circle around too to bi ppl who are Totally Basically Cishet AND Worse Enemies Really Than. Anyone Cishet#and i'm sure the ace exclusionism never ends for plenty of ppl. keep the logic but go ''oh well it's just still not That big a deal''#the experiences of being more vulnerable & exposed to exploitation of that? are the drivers of Deviation. your weird issues#MY blessed normativity. had enough of Family Friendship Romance that was all surely pleasant enough#popular enough / not bullied enough at school. i am now a good person based on vibes b/c to be Hurting anyone? well i would Know#why not go talk to the rando who was like ''racism is over b/c i have never invoked like Hey. White Person To White Person. give me#preferential treatment >;) & in fact now white people are Dispreferred etc etc'' ohh all the Special Treatment(tm) for Others....#again like the idea Abuse happens in some ''abnormal'' situation & simply being in ''normal'' ones will show victims the light#(already with the logic that ppl are in abusive situations b/c the victims need to Know Better & Take The Correct Actions finally)#(i.e. victim blaming / pathologize the individuals) like yeah the guarantee ppl don't just keep getting shat on is not there lol#the blessed normal ppl who are i guess natural healers i presume? Totally never ostracizing bullying & further treating as ''''weird''''#like the idea ohh autistic ppl are Bad At Interactions. oh shit interactions b/w autistic ppl go great? well uhh#then It's A Two Way Street except also being nt is Normal so autistic ppl need to ''learn social skills'' so Ableism Ends. their fault#same deal like sympathy & support from the supposed Primed To Harm fellow abused ppl?? while others are undermining & ostracizing? nahh#even getting to be ''alone'' i.e. either existing amid others but not there ''with'' anyone; or certainly Left Alone; way more Validating#and just more pleasant too like. even the abstract concept of [do xyz: with a friend group] :((( vs do it by yourself :)#''oh ppl don't want to have the Social Skills & exert the Effort to have a friend group?? that's that on Moral Failure'' Lol. truly.#good people are popular & bad people are ostracized in recognition of their unquestionably Questionable Weirdo Vibe. got their ass#if you can't / won't break something down beyond Normal/Weird. why. i'm questioninnnng....And queer.#like ''sounds just like something a Weird Ruinerrr (Disruptor) would say'' uh yeah i sure hope it does &c
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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I think I should stop buying games I know barely anything about
#like my track record is. not so great.#ori games made me cry horribly (twice) (not necessarily a bad thing)#oneshot was good but short#worldless was hard and also short and INCREDIBLY confusing#hades- well actually no hades was good.#hollow knight ALSO good but i write fanfiction about bugs now#in stars and time hasnt been long enough. check back in a few months.#but ANYWAY i feel like my choices certainly couldve been a bit better. i wouldve liked a bit more from some of those.#mb's two am rambling
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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Red hood: some people need to die
A good chunk of marvel heroes: uh,,, doi, yeah they do! Up top!
BSKSBDKS
#ask#YEAH#yeah honestly#this is part of why i think he'd be happier in the marvel universe even. they cpuld get through to him alot better#rhinkijg about red hood and marvel is making me want to get back into marvel awe. i should watch one of those cartoon series at one point#i am NOT getting into more comics... jason alone is enough ty bdksbsks#but anyway YEAH#hed have a great time in the marvel universe i think#captain america would certainly appreciate him killing a guy called captain nazi#and even with spidermans personal no kill rule he still hangs out with deadpool#spidey doesn't want wade killing around him if i remember correctly. but that feels alot more different than bats with red hood#because theyre like. equals and friends#i need to see him interact with marvel so bad. and written by someone who isn't me bc i basically only know spiderman#jason todd
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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do you ever just hear something and youre like we live very different lies?
because i just heard of someone spending 10k on a birthday party and im so damn confused. like where exactly does that money go?
i come from the wotsits in a bowl, £2 crazy straws and handmade decorations side of birthday parties. i wouldnt know how to spend 1k on a birthday party, how are you spending 10??????
#kai rambles#listen#when i was growing up#my earliest birthday parties were going over to my great nans where wed play pass the parcel with a newspaped wrapped parcel#our buffet tables were mismatched bowls of like party rings or quavers or cocktail sausages if we were feeling fancy#im honestly not sure i could throw a £100 party without having money left over#like i make origami decorations#also btw#this came from the pink sauce lady because apparently she asked her partner company for 10k in advertising for her birthday party#which okay i am certainly not that bold of a person
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Hi.
So I may not be the best person to respond to your “my work/art doesn’t mean anything to anyone” but I’m still trying so
Your work!!! Your writing!! Oh my goodness!!!!! It’s a very cute thing that makes me wish I had love sometimes, even if I’m Aromantic. Sometimes I read like the softness of Jed and Oct or the goofy and I think “wow I wish I had someone to talk with me like that”
and your art!!!!!!!!! Your DtL art is literally amazing and like ig some of your works are things I don’t feel deeply bc I’m still a mentally legally physically child but they’re still awesome!!!! I may not be mentally mental enough to fully appreciate it as it could be but I’m trying my best to appreciate it with the understanding I have. I want you to know that what you post here is something we love to see and we’re glad you post. They’re very beautiful things as you are very talented and I hope you do know how talented you are. Seriously. I’m so glad you have this space to show off your talent I’m so happy about it.
I love you, I hope you find your own peace
this is the sweetest thing ever and it really cheered me up. you’re so so kind, thank you <3 also i understand what you’re saying about not being at a stage in your life where you can fully appreciate some of the themes in my work; that is a really fair point to make. but i hope i don’t sound condescending when i say that just because you are technically a “child” it doesn’t mean you don’t have valuable and meaningful interpretations to lend to the media you consume. i’m sure you know that already, but yeah. i’m just very appreciative that you would see something worthwhile in anything i make, even if some or a lot of it doesn’t apply to you. i’m sure loads of what i make isn’t relatable to loads of people who see it, but i’m still really grateful to have them there and i still love to hear their perspectives because that’s what makes it all fun. anyway. thank you so much again. i hope you are well <3
#i initially read this ask during an insanely rough breakdown and the last line made me sob but in a good way#like. i am being serious it did make me burst out crying the way it is worded just hit me for some reason#again i hope i don’t sound condescending but. it is so special (not rare but special) to have this kind of love in your heart#to take the time to send something like this to a stranger who is feeling bad#i hope you know how great you are for that. i hope the people around you appreciate it. because they should#i certainly am appreciating it right now
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also you know studying international relations fucked you up bad when you go see oppenheimer and your initial reaction is "oh, so just another thursday in the world politics"
#i mean i heard people literally gasp at the part with truman in it#yes atomic bomb is goddamn terrifying but yk how many times someone fucked up so bad that we can observe the consequences even now#like so many people are blown away by this movie and yes it's really great as someone who wants to study film since 14 i can appreciate a-#extraordinary craftsmanship and amazing acting#but idk i don't think i would call oppenheimer fascinating or something like that#damn the only exciting thing for me were actually the “scientist-of-the-day cameos”#as someone who took part in high school competitions concerning astronomy those were fricking great but yeah#my feelings lean heavily towards “it certainly is a movie”#also please pardon all the grammatical mistakes in the tags i am too lazy to rewrite them all#oppenheimer
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