#i am being literal the only stuff they haven't gotten is the stuff we haven't even mentioned yet

[waitmyturtles]

SOME GOOD SHOWS THAT I LIKED IN 2023! (AND SOME THAT I DIDN'T)

I watched A LOT of stuff that did not originally air in 2023 by dint of my Old GMMTV Challenge. This list is inclusive of this recognition!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: HE'S COMING TO ME

I have no other words: this is my favorite Thai BL of all time. Perfect length, perfect plot, perfect celebration of Thai culture, perfect acting, the greatest coming out scene of all time, the BEST of the best BL moms. Perfection.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: BAD BUDDY

I don't even want to think about how many words I've written on Bad Buddy this year, but they're well deserved for this REMARKABLE show. I've got a thing for shows by Aof Noppharnach that feature Ohm Pawat, what can I say!

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL SHOW(S) I WATCHED THIS YEAR: LOVE SICK AND SOTUS

The influence of Love Sick and SOTUS can be seen in SO MANY Thai BLs, even through today. Without having watched these two shows to start my OGMMTVC project, I wouldn't have the context for what later shows like Bad Buddy and Theory of Love were commenting on by way of their content and structures. Love Sick in particular was a HELL of a lift -- but I am damn glad I watched it, and I certainly feel nostalgia for it today.

Honorable mentions of influential pieces that had impacts on Thai BLs: Love of Siam and Dew the Movie

MY OTHER FAVORITE OLD SHOWS I WATCHED: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AND THEORY OF LOVE

BANGERS!!!

If New Siwaj ever tops Until We Meet Again, I'll fly to Bangkok and give him a gold medal. That long-ass show, 17 EPISODES, I WANTED MORE! OhmFluke's chemistry was great, the story delved SO deeply into historical homophobia and how culture and acceptance changes over time -- scrumptious. Theory of Love, man, the way this show ate up implicit compassion bias and gave it right back to us. I loved it. KHAI FOREVER!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: MOONLIGHT CHICKEN

Not only was Moonlight Chicken my first real live fandom experience on Tumblr, it was a hell of an amazing show, incorporating so much of what I love particularly about Thai BLs, and how many Thai BLs do not shy away from celebrating Asian cultural touchpoints. From exploring Jim's internalized homophobia by way of his rural upbringing, to juxtaposing Pattaya's spiritual symbols with growing development that upends older strains of local culture, Moonlight Chicken offered a lovely commentary on what it means to be queer in an ever-changing Thailand.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY?/KINOU NANI TABETA? SEASON 2

BRILLIANTLY ACTED by literally the best actors in the Asian BL game: we are blessed that Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou have given so much to this franchise. It's hard to write about this show because it's so perfect -- it needs no extraneous words. Plot, pacing, acting, character development, gratuitous food shots. It has it all.

THE OTHER OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: I CANNOT REACH YOU

Just like Bad Buddy looked at Thai BL tropes in the eye and said, "over my Nong Nao," I Cannot Reach You asked Japanese BLs about the efficacy of almost every trope we've gotten used to, and questioned them with efficiency. The biggest shocker for me? REAL COMMUNICATION, encouraged by the CIPHER, Hosaka, that allowed the two lead protagonists to confirm their love and understand each other. It was straightforward and FUCKING GOOD.

A SHOW THAT AIRED IN 2023 THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ABOUT YET, THAT I NEED TO REWATCH IN CHRONOLOGY, THAT ALSO DID SOME TROPE/GENRE ASS-KICKING THAT I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT: LA PLUIE

La Pluie was FEARLESS. The show had a LOT to say about romance and soulmates not being as much of a realistic thing as content-makers... and, frankly, majority society would like us to think. La Pluie made its characters WORK for love and understanding, and had us viewers face our implicit biases about how romantic content should and could work. I watched this show out of order of the OGMMTVC watchlist to see it it was one of the best of the year, and it certainly is. I'm planning a deep rewatch for early 2024 to pen my words on it.

A SHOW THAT ALMOST TOPPED MY 2023 LIST BUT GOT DOCKED BECAUSE I ENDED UP LIKING THE NOVEL A LOT BETTER: I FEEL YOU LINGER IN THE AIR

@neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan know that I flipped THA FUCK out over this show -- FABULOUSLY acted by Nonkul Chanon and Bright Rapheephong, FABULOUS cinematography, great story up until the end of the series. My fangirling led me to read the original novel by Violet Rain, and -- I found out that Jom was a lot more damn sassy than we got in the show! Tee Bundit's penchant for sadness won. This is not to dock the show, but the novel had more than enough material to carry the series through without repeating themes in the end. So it fell on my 2023 list, womp womp. BUT I STILL LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

TWO SHOWS THAT I'M SUPER GLAD I CAUGHT UP WITH WHILE THEY WERE AIRING: THE EIGHTH SENSE AND BE MY FAVORITE

Be My Favorite looked at Krist Perawat's checkered past as a BL idol and said: we are going to examine this and make an honest BL out of inspiration from it. It wasn't a perfect show, the time travel shit didn't end up adding up in the end, BUT -- excellent acting from two GMMTV VETS made up for those tangles, and I loved the contextual philosophical references throughout the series. The Eighth Sense looked at the tug-of-war that Korean BLs have with K-dramas and their tropes and said, actually? We will have these dudes full-frontal kiss, and placed that energy against commentaries on mental health, both topics that Korea hasn't quite embraced as quickly as other countries.

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF OTHER AWESOME SHOWS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE AIRED IN 2023

Make It Right, Our Dating Sim, Dark Blue Kiss, Gay OK Bangkok, Dirty Laundry, 10 Years Ticket, I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, 3 Will Be Free, Lovely Writer (underrated?!), Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars (UNDERRATED!), and Manner of Death.

And the shows that are airing that I know will stay with me well into 2024: Last Twilight and Cherry Magic Thailand.

I had fun!

WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE: THE "NO" SHOWS: THE PROMISE AND STEP BY STEP

I'm not even hyperlinking my thoughts on these shows, nor gifting them with gifs. Insert Bugs Bunny NOOOOOO gif here! We got Man Trisanu, though.

THE SHOW I WAS THE MOST OBVIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED BY: ONLY FRIENDS

Despite my passionate disappointment for this show and how it ended: in the context of the OGMMTVC, Only Friends is still an incredibly important inclusion to the list. Some amazing Tumblr bloggers offered commentary that the bias against sex that OF contained within the show was actually importantly and culturally contextual to the still-conservative state of acceptance that Thailand is currently in (here and here for more reading).

Only Friends reminded us that despite any kind of marketing that we here on Tumblr, as a majority non-Thai audience, may receive about a Thai show -- that we are still not fully plugged into the non-verbal expectations of what a show like OF could promise to do, and to be okay when it doesn't reach those heights. In light of the seemingly pro-sex marketing blasts that previewed the series before its airing, OF ultimately seemed to want to take casual sex, chew it up, and spit it out. There might be reasons why that happened that we just don't know about as outsiders to Thailand. But as an Asian-American viewer that was hoping for neutral -- and maybe even supportive -- commentary on single folks having casual sex without judgement, OF did not deliver for me.

I'm ending the year reading Dr. Thomas Baudinette's book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, the first book-length ethnographic study on the impact of BL on queerness, media, and more in Thailand and across Asia. Baudinette comes from the world of Japanese queer media studies -- as someone who came to Thai BLs this year from Japanese BLs, I appreciate his trajectory. It's clearly a necessity for me to read this book in the context of the OGMMTVC, to understand how Thai BLs have changed over time, and to understand the incredibly larger impact of heterosexual/heteronormative media and themes on Thai media as a whole, as larger and larger swaths of Thai, Asian, and international societies welcome and watch BLs with open arms.

All of this feeds into my ever-growing body of knowledge about the impact of Thai BLs, both in Thailand and across Asia, as Baudinette writes about, and how these shows have and are developed/developing over time. It's been an AMAZING YEAR of watching old and new dramas for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the genre grows even more in 2024.

I also made AMAZING FRIENDS on Tumblr -- y'all know who you are! What a year of growth and discovery for me: this has been a fabulous experience, and I'm looking forward to even more growth in the new year!

[birdsareblooming]

im so tired of having to defend myself on both sides

like. ok. i'm queer right. bi, demigender, aro, etc. also you know a girl, demi or not. all the time i have to defend myself from american christians who via mistranslations and misinterpretations spread by horrible leaders for generations have been led into a cult-like hierarchy that tells them to hate me when hate for us isn't in their book or supposed to be in their ways.

i'm also "christian". i hesitate to use the full term because of how bad american christianity has gotten. but i believe in the same god nontheless. every day i feel i have to defend myself from queer people as well

like. i so get it. as i have just established american and european christianity has gotten so fucked up and literally off-script that i'm shocked we haven't gotten another 95 thesis and a completely new branch. it's awful horrible and people who believe in such ideas should not be in power. to the point where calling myself a christian feels wrong. at least in america.

i need ya'll to have some nuance.

firstly the understanding that those who hate queer people, non-white people in any form, women, whatever else. isn't even in the text they follow. people have misused it since it was written. preaching just the verse saying wives should care for their husbands and not the one right after saying husbands should love their wives. taking out verses referring to god's "womb." about adam might not even being a man, as in, more likely nonbinary, the verse about david getting an errection when hugging johnathan. changing verses about cleanliness into women and men not wearing the same cloths. changing verses about cultural codes and allowing a world where people have to resort to prositution into verses condemning homosexuality. [X]

like. you know the matrix. was written as a trans metaphor. then a bunch of alpha sigma grindset rich white boys took it and appropriated it, misinterpreted it, used it to boost themselves and hurt women. it's like that. those people don't make the matrix a bad movie, they just don't know it's a trans metaphor. and trans people who enjoy the matrix are like. normal and cool.

as you can see i am passionate about this. i have all this stuff memorized not only to defend my queerness but my christianity as im doing now.

there are queer christians. there are certainly poc christians as right now, south america and south africa have the highest christian populations, to the point where they're sending missionaries to america.

again i'm asking for some nuance. when i see posts basically saying "the christian god is dumb" or "satan was right actually" and blantent misinformation about what the bible says. like those kind of posts hurt my heart. my god made me queer and loves me for it, i believe in a kind god, most good christians do. i feel like other religions don't get this treatment and it's just to spiritually piss off your catholic parents.

speaking of, in doing so you seem to forget about other abrahamic religions.

i once saw a post criticizing something directly from the old testament, out of context of course. saying god was cruel and the belives were flawed and all this due to one verse. people tend to forget, or not know, that the "old testament" is the tenoch. slightly different book order, same writings.

christians, muslims, jewish people, worship the same god. different names for god, some god, same base. if you make jokes about christianty willy-nilly, you're going to accidentally hit someone else. and even if you don't, you may hurt someone still.

it doesn't hurt because i think it's "sacrilegious" or i think you're going to hell. it hurts because my community doesn't care. my community doesn't see the nuance in people and decided a specific religion is the enemy. a specific group of people is the enemy. ive been marked as the enemy

it's casual jokes to you, to me it's making fun of my god

listen, by all means make fun of the assholes. i make fun of them every day. millionaires who use privet jets than preach and love to overlook the many verses condemning the rich and saying rich people don't go to heaven. people saying that as a woman of god you shouldn't enjoy sex. weirdos online and irl that seem to think patorizing random people will get them to church. dumb white people. it's great. fuckn. mormons and jehovah's witness leaders who are straight up running a cult based on a thread of the original intention. and it's funny because they're the assholes.

but don't attack the base religion itself. understand that the religion isn't inherently harmful, certain branches, beliefs, misinterpretations, and leaders certainly are. but please be kind to the people who are normal

before you make a post saying you're gonna. i dont know 'kill the uncaring god' that you're hurting people like me, any abrahamic religion, anyone who believes in a god possibly. also that's basically my parent, it's like you're insulting my awesome mom to my face bc my older sibling sucks. like thats just mean to her for no reason.

i'm just. tired. im stuck in the middle and i hate that i have to make this post because like. this is my home and my people and im tired of seeing this shit from my peers and family. just. have nuance. care about people. don't just say shit about a religion if you don't know its true.

im tired.

[compressedrage]

Could you gift us with some Hollow Heads Siblings interaction hc's? Maybe with some redeemed Dark and Vic?

I just love them sm and they need to be happy!! Plus, we don't have enough of them

I agree, we don't have enough of these dorks

I do have a recent post about my headcanons for the Hollowheads as siblings in general, but your ask is a bit different, so I will do my best to think of some more.

I think that despite himself, Chosen picked up some art abilities from his time watching Alan. Once Orange learns of this, he makes Chosen draw with him as a bonding activity. Well, "makes" is a strong word. Chosen is secretly glad to cover up the bad memories associated with art with better ones with his little brother.

There are multiple ways Dark could be redeemed, but no matter which path he takes, it's going to take a bit for Orange and Dark to warm up to each other. Chosen remembers the Dark who was a goof, running around experiencing the world for the fist time. Orange only knows Dark as the terrifying figure who killed his friends. And Dark only knows Orange as the kid who suddenly flipped a switch and shot him into the stratosphere. They both have trauma connected to each other, so they're gonna have to figure that out before they realize how similar they are. However, once they get past that obstacle they are gonna be best friends. Dark is the fun big brother, always down for the craziest adventures.

I have a very hard time thinking about headcanons for Victim in a redeemed sense, because I just don't really know what his motivations are in canon. I haven't gotten a strong sense of who he is, so I don't know what he would do if he ever had a redemption arc. HOWEVER I am also an older child, and know if I ever did something to my siblings and they forgave me, I wouldn't let them out of my sight. Victim might become a bit protective over Orange, but also Chosen and Dark. (this would confuse Chosen so bad; he's literally The Chosen One, he can take care of himself) They have to get used to being cared for, and caring for others.

I think it would be funny if sometimes the older hollowheads forget that Orange might be the most powerful of them all. He doesn't use his powers that much, and come on look at him, he's so little and cute. But then Orange pulls out an absolute devastating insult, or beats Purple in a spar with a crazy move without his powers. Orange was scary before he knew he was The Second Coming, but he also sparks lightning when he gets angry and his older brothers suddenly remember why Dark died.

Dark starts to like Victim because of his affiliation with technology. The amount of cool stuff Victim has access to makes Dark's head spin and they have to make sure Dark doesn't get his hands on any possible weapon technology. He might get carried away and destroy something.

Also on the note of redeemed Dark, he and Chosen probably wouldn't be able to go out in society very often due to them being literal former terrorists. They would hate being cooped up, but it's best for everyone that they don't get spotted and consequently arrested. Because the cops would try to arrest them, and Dark wouldn't be able to resist causing more chaos. He'd just dig himself a deeper hole.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not calling out my little brother on his offensive behavior earlier?

For a bit of backstory, I (F21) am autistic. I was diagnosed was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at age 7. I have been in and out of therapy for it (against my will) until I turned 19 and went to college. For years, I have been trying to prove to others that I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't feel bad about being autistic. It's not an injury or a misfortune or whatever. It just is. But I don't speak up for myself when people insult me (directly or indirectly) for it.

I've been called crazy by my entire elementary math class for a class assignment (we had to say one nice word about each of our classmates). I've been called deviant by my college friends. I've been infantilized and compared to a pet by literal adults even after I tell them that I am autistic. I haven't been good at reprimanding this behavior, and I think I might've gotten used to it, hence why I even allowed my little brother to call me the r word in the first place. I haven't been mentally well for a good while, and I've only recently started to get the hang of managing my ADHD symptoms, so only now have I started paying attention to other people's lives.

Now here's where I may be the AH. My (M14) brother is neurotypical, and although I haven't called him out before for calling me the r word, he recently started calling me it in front of his friends. He's also in a lot of trouble as well for being racist and sexist at school as well, and I've started to wonder if I've been too soft on him. I've been going to a out of state college, so it's not like I was too involved in his life, but I was present, on occasion, when he was saying offensive things with his friends. I feel that as the adult in the situation, I should have intervened. I feel that my autism or mental state doesn't change the fact that in those situations, I am the responsible party. I feel that by being non confrontational, I was hurting my little brother. He trusts me, and I want him to be able to rely on me for help, but I feel I need to stop reinforcing this behavior. I just don't know how.

Maybe it's a too little, too late thing, but I'm really worried about him. He has a different dad, so he passes for hispanic, and I'm white, so I've always been unsure what role to take to confront him about his racism. I've experienced sexual harassment before, but I don't know how to talk about that with him either. I've told him multiple times that I am uncomfortable when he says things of sexual nature, but he hasn't stopped trying to get me to listen to his favorite (highly sexual) rap music. The one thing I was certain about that I could potentially ask him to stop was regarding my autism. I thought, since it was personal to me, he would understand and would stop. Maybe it would help him reflect on how others feel regarding the other stuff if I set one boundary. So I tried to ask him politely to stop making fun of my autism because it makes me uncomfortable. He got really upset and asked why I had a problem with it now instead of before. I've always been uncomfortable, I just never said anything. It's not like I can go back in time to change my past behavior, but I can see his point. I never called him out on it before, so why now? We aren't talking to each other anymore, but I can't help but think about the role I've taken in his life to make him act the way he does.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[mightbeorphanedidk]

how did the four die??? is it the same as canon, undecided, or different????

I'm assuming you mean Alastor, Vox, Valentino, and Velvette. If so,Oooo, idk. From what I know (correct me if im wrong) Vox, Val, and Vel's deaths haven't been confirmed. And I THINK that Alastor was like, shot in the forehead???

I'd normally follow the canon but.. Al's death just seems... stupid??

Apparently he died because while hiding a body in a hunting ground, he was confused for a deer and shot in the head???

Those??? Do not??? Look the same??? How did someone confuse those?? It doesnt really explain how Alastor died to DOGS, either. I was thinking about it a few days back and came up with an okay-theory.

The way you look in Hell represents how you died, so I don't necessarily disagree with the notion that he was shot like a deer. But I don't think he was CONFUSED for a deer, to me, that's just stupid.

My theory is literally just:

Hi im alastor the serial killer (and cannibal???). Oh no i got caught killing someone here i go running through a hunting ground aaaahhhh

Oh no they sent dogs running after me ahhh i can't outrun police dogs

Ahhhh they got me they're mauling my arms and legs to stop me from moving ahhh ohhh the pain

Oh hello sherrif of the town conduct your funky lil speech as my arms and legs get chewed up by your dogs

Oh hes shot me in the head :( Im dead now in the middle of the deer hunting grounds, and because i died being TREATED like a deer, im a deer in hell

Yeah thats my theory.

As for Vox, Valentino, and Velvette, my stories are very.... out there??

Valentino:

Hello my name is valentino i am a university student who has been treated well by hjs parents all his life and has gotten good grades and stuff

Oh whats this my friends want me to party with them

Look at me now im addicted to partying my grades are going down my parents are disappointed in me oh well lets keep partying

Im super drunk and just commit a pretty bad crime i need to get out of here

Drunk and driving? Only one outcome

Im dead now womp womp

Velvette:

Hi im velvette i want to start a fashion career but my parents said no

My sister is the only one to support me, she sacrificed everything to get my career going. Oh no she died im so sad ill keep fashioning to live for her

Oh my fashion career failed. Guess I'll die

And thus she killed herself

Vox:

Hello my name is <definitely not vox> and i live in a household where my parents thoroughly believe in this weird religion that is definitely not legal or ethical. My dad watches weird messages on the TV and phone and stuff that the world is going to end and we all need to submit to death on a specific date

When i grew up i began preaching the same thing because it was all i knew and when the day came i led the mass self-offing (does tumblr have filters??). Yeah oopsies

[thebrainrotsreal]

Hypothetically, how do you think Mark would turn out if he never got his powers? What would he be doing? How would it change the original story? If the original Mark met this version of himself, how would they react to each other?

This took me a min to respond to because I am extra and had to draw something about this, but thay just means I was so delighted to take this ask, holy shit. I love thinking about AU's, tysm fo the ask, anon! :)

I don't know of the comics add any details about Mark's interests other than being a hero like his Dad (ex. even comic hobby seems to go right back to that). Nothing about school life stands out either, (besides struggling with geography, a detail I love sm), so he's probably an average student who fumbled hard when he started to get busy with Invincible stuff! So, while I can see the possibility of him working hard and striving for career that also helps saves lives ergo paramedic, fireman, emergency dispatcher, etc I actually adore the idea of him interning at the GDA???

(Okay, note, while I do see him training or getting experience in random roles, Cecil would not EVER let Mark actually be a GDA solider because imagine telling Omni-Man his son got killed. Yikes! So, intern/trainer uniform and not the official solider one.)

I can see him diving into it wholeheartedly, eager to not only prove himself, but help people like his Dad does, kinda trying to get as close to his dream as he can be. And honestly, Nolan would probably be thrilled the last reminder for Colonization Time is permanently delayed (ergo Mark never getting his powers), so I can see him either encouraging this, or being slightly conflicted? I don't know how much he actually trusts the GDA or Cecil, so it could just be bittersweet?

But, I love the idea of GDA!Mark for the potential strain in their dynamic. See, while we can't have the kind of unfolding drama in s1 considering Nolan's slaughter spree might not necessarily happen, the idea of Mark having to process the weight of his own idolization, unable to stand side by side with him on the field, feeling like Nolan feed into the idea he'd get powers, only to end up disappointed year after year could foster some bitterness and/or desperate need to prove himself. He would see Nolan slightly more, but maybe that's just a reminder of what he can't do. Where he can't reach. Nolan having doubts in GDA, would only worsen the strain, how exciting!

Plus, GDA seems to be the classic kind of trust nobody type of government agency that may to try detach Mark's (almost) unshakable faith in his Dad, and could push him to look into what exactly his Dad's past/planet/history is exactly like for documentation, as Mark tries to grasp how much he trusts Nolan and the GDA. If Slaughter Time does happen, then that's incredible drama!!! As Mark, who feels aligned with both the GDA and his Dad, now has to work to find the truth, probably to prove his Dad's innocence, only to find the horrible news instead.

Does Nolan tell Mark and Debbie at the same time, who both already know, haven't told the others, and you got family drama of the fucking century again? Ideally? Yes. I love dramatic irony a normal amount.

I think GDA!Mark and Canon!Mark wouldn't get along tbh. While C!Mark is relieved by the lack of maliciousness, GDA!Mark is literally seeing where his entire life could have been if he'd only gotten powers. 'Cause, while I do think Mark is a fundamentally kind person, it's also clear he's incredible hard on himself which I think crosses over to alternate selves. So, he'd be bitter as fuck. Yeah, they both suffered, but I think the envy would go crazy. GDA!Mark would start questioning everything, like if that Nolan loved his son more for having powers, and if C!Mark just fucked it up somehow, so if GDA!Mark got powers maybe he could've done something different? Said the right thing? Like there's this desperation to know could it have turned out any other way? Was it truly his fault? Was it something he should've said better? I think there's a quiet spiraling despair in seeing the distorted mirror version of oneself and still seeing them suffering. Was there really no other ending? It had to be this way?

Thanks for the ask tho :D !!! Currently trying to remember I have this blog while I fight art block fjgkfg.

Oh! And Bonus idea of interning at GDA still means he hangs out with Teen Team!!! Maybe he helps log injuries, reviews battles, handles reports, memorizing villain weaknesses as base support, but there's this underlying part of him that still feels so useless next to them? I can see Rex and Mark getting off on the wrong foot immediately, but Kate and Mark bonding? Mostly because I want Kate and Mark bonding like please.

[katyawriteswhump]

the power of love, part 9 (steddie, stobin, steve whump fic)

Steve has a habit of surviving near-death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

(also on AO3 here)

Steve POV continued

“Sorry.” Lying in his bunk in the gloomy cabin, Steve drags his fingers miserably across his eyes. How freakin’ embarrassing—mistaking his best friend for his parents. “Still dreaming, I guess.”

“How do you feel?” asks Robin.

“Oh, peachy! How d’ya think?” He’s beyond tired of feeling this crappy. What the hell happened this time?

Oh yes. He and Eddie kissed, and then…

“Okay, bad news first,” she says, perching on the bed. “You bled through your bandages again. Got all sweaty and yuck.” He knows this already—from the gnaw in his side, and how he’s sticking to the lumpy mattress. “Good news? The bleeding stopped. The really juicy news—we have a theory about what might fix you.”

She spouts a load of stuff about the water from Lover’s Lake giving him some kind of vaguely defined power. And Eddie sucking it out of him?

He snickers. “Did you get that crackpot theory out of the ‘The Weekly Watcher?’”

“Come on, Steve, this is way beyond a shot-in-the-dark.” He rolls his eyes. Even though he sort of agrees with her. “We need to test the theory. Eddie’s gone to fetch lake water.”

“He’s gone back to Hawkins? Is he out of his mind?” He can’t spare the energy to worry about Eddie. He still does, and it makes him feel worse.

“You all right?” asks Robin. “You’ve gone… kinda gray.”

Yeah, feeling kinda gray. He stops scowling, simply because it’s too much effort. “Is there any non-Fairyland water in this shit-hole?”

“There’s a pump.”

After he’s had a drink and splashed his face, he feels… not much better, actually. He slumps back onto the pillow with a hard sigh. “Robin, I wish it was just us, stuck in this together. You're literally the only person in my life where there’s, like, almost zero tension. I mean, we bitch at each other and all—”

“Never!” she snarks.

“Haha, point taken. It’s about nothing that ever matters, though. I know.... You'll... You know, we’ll…”

“Always be there for each other? I sure hope so.” There’s a quiver in her voice that alarms him.

“You still think one of us might not make it this time?”

“No! I mean... We've gotten through that part, haven't we?”

Sure doesn’t feel like it from here. 

“Listen,” she says, “it doesn’t have to be tense or cringy between you and Eddie, just because you like each other.”

“Yeah, right. We kissed. I passed out! Not cool.”

“Like he’s gonna hold that against you.” She squeezes his arm. He stares at her chipped nail polish, battling a fresh assault from his candy-ass emotions. “As per ever, dates keep belly-flopping into your lap! When we get through this, I swear I'm gonna slap you for—”

An owl hoot interrupts her. She scuttles to the window, crouches down and peeps out. “It’s okay,” she hisses, “It’s Eddie.”

“Your signal is an owl noise? It’s the middle of the goddamn day! Why don’t you wait till dark and send up fireworks?”

Steve grumbles for the sake of it. On the other hand, he wasn’t lying to Robin. He really doesn’t want to handle Eddie right now. He turns his face to the pillow, muffles his ears with the blanket. Someone prods him. “Steve,” says Robin. “We’ve got the lake water.”

He rolls over. Eddie’s there, brandishing a plastic bottle of clouded liquid. He fixes on Robin. “You want me to drink that shit?”

“Not unless you want to die of what half the soldiers in the Civil War did,” says Robin.

Steve shares a moment of bafflement with Eddie. “How am I gonna get shot drinking lake water?”

“They died of dysentery, Dingus! You literally did nothing in history other than crack moronic jokes and eat breakfast, did you?”

“Whatever,” mumbles Steve. He’s not sure what dysentery is. Sounds sucky. “What are we supposed to do with it, super-brain?”

“Erm, try pouring it.” Robin peels off the freshly bloodied bandages from Steve’s side, grimacing as dramatically as ever. “To be fair, this is disgusting and almost as risky. If nothing good happens, though, we can wipe it off. Yay!”

She drips on the water. For a split second, it’s ice-cold, and he hisses. “Ow… Jesus, Robin!”  

“Sorry.”

“Nothing’s happening,” he says. “Oh, hold on. Gnnng, no, no, no, no, no!” 

Steve’s flesh and blood blend into pink froth, sizzling like he’s been doused in boiling chip fat. Robin jolts backward; Steve whimpers, helpless to stop himself. Eddie, meanwhile, grabs Steve’s hand, as the unbearable scalding subsides into a strong but tolerable itch. Steve inhales raggedly, lifts his head to confirm that the bat bites have knitted again, leaving a wet mess of red puckered marks and scars.

“I guess that could’ve gone worse.” Eddie sounds spooked.

“Could’ve gone worse? It hurt like… What just happened? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?” Steve’s got a crazy urge to scream… no… run! Pushing himself up onto his elbows takes everything he’s got. “Oh my God, oh my God.”

“Ssssh, it’s okay.” Robin’s now gotten her arms around him, and Eddie’s still holding his hand. “This proves that it’s the water. You’re not flayed, or Vecnad, or Henryd or whatever. Eddie and I discussed it and—”

“What!?!” Steve wriggles free and laughs, because this is hysterical. “You discussed that without including me?”

“We never believed you’d been taken by the dark side,” says Robin, her hand on her breast. “I swear!”

“That’s not the… Ow!”

“Does it still hurt?” asks Robin.

Steve stares daggers at Eddie: “Can you quit crushing my fingers already?”

“Sorry.” Eddie drops Steve’s hand, a little too keenly—leaving Steve oddly desolate, despite his request. Other than that, he does feel better.

And grouchier than ever.

Half an hour later, he’s well enough to get up. He washes himself down at the pump, attempts to salvage his hair, then joins the others in preparing a baked-bean and banana supper. He argues forcefully that both parts can be served together, and it will taste awesome.

Which they do.

Ignoring Robin’s advice, he sips a bottle of bad beer. Eddie is clad in a clean Hellfire Club t-shirt—given to him by Henderson—and regales them with news from Hawkins. This proves depressing, given that Eleven and Hopper are now outlaws too. Then they chat about what hiding places they might move onto next.

“We’re not quite as remote as we thought here,” says Robin. “I found a track that leads pretty close, and you could probably get an off-roader all the way to the camp.” She glances at Steve. “We need somewhere really tucked away, and maybe closer to Lover’s Lake, right?”

“Why are you asking me?” he snaps. “You two seem to have all the answers. I haven’t a clue.”

Steve crawls into his bunk first. For once, sleep doesn’t clobber him instantly. Despite what he said to Robin, he has got theories—stupid though they seem—about the lake, and that time he nearly drowned in it.

He should’ve been terrified of swimming after that. He never was. Plus, he’s been dreaming about that period of his life lately. Dreaming about it a LOT, now he thinks about it.

After a while, he gets sick of his churning thoughts and sits up. Moonlight streaks through one of the high bunk room windows, revealing that Eddie is awake too, cross-legged on the floor. He’s muttering to himself, fiddling with his hair, then his hands. 

On spotting Steve staring at him, he presses a finger to his lips, picks up a flashlight, and motions toward the door. Steve pulls on a sweater and follows him outside. It’s a dry night. Banks of bruise-brown clouds semi-obscure a near full moon and a few hazy stars. It’s cool too, though Steve’s palms are getting clammy.

He tracks Eddie into a nearby cabin, filled with a ton of old rope and lumber-hauling equipment. He then remembers he’s annoyed, and folds his arms.

“Totally love how you two went behind my back and discussed whether I was flayed or not.”

Eddie plonks down the flashlight. “Kinda obvious that we had to. We didn’t tell you, because we didn’t want to stress you out, and… honestly? We never bought it. Dustin was highly sceptical—”

“You discussed me with Henderson too? That’s great!” Steve plants his hands on his hips, growing too hot and bothered to think straight: “Maybe you’re ALL idiots. Maybe I am somehow flayed! Right at the start, that Upside Down thing came through my pool. Possibly. To take Barb. Now the water from near a gate fixes me and—“

“And I make you fix me!” Eddie’s preening grin is vicious. “Perhaps I’m the source of the magical shitstorm? Did that ever cross your egotistical rich-brat mind, Harrington?”

Eddie might as well have punched him. Steve’s still reeling from the blow, when Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose:

“Look, I’m sorry, man,” mutters Eddie. “I’m pretty stressed, too. Dustin was telling me about how you got sick whenever you left Hawkins as a kid, and—"

“Wow! Good job I’m an EGOTISTICAL BRAT, because I really am a hot topic! Did Nance reel off an article for the Hawkins Post?”

“Uh, Steve?” Eddie takes a step closer then abruptly pulls short. “I apologised, okay? Why exactly are we arguing about this?”

“I… Oh Christ, Eddie, I honestly don’t know.”

Steve’s shoulders slump. How excruciatingly typical! That little egg-head Dustin had a hunch about something that’s only just occurring to Steve, and which… Shit, the whispers in his mind are scary.

This is where you come clean, Harrington. This is where you say: "I almost drowned in that lake in 1978. What if it wasn't 'almost?' What if I died back then, at eleven years old. What if something or someone in that water brought me back, and for good or evil, it's still got a hold of me?"

Does it make any sense? Would Eddie simply think him egotistical again, or stupid? Suddenly, all he wants is to forget the whole wide world, especially the freaky parts. Everything apart from… 

…Eddie.

Who is hunching awkwardly away from Steve, palpably scared to get too near, let alone touch him. The naked longing in those gorgeous brown eyes, however, is reassuring. 

“Look, I'm sorry too.” Steve licks dry lips. “I’ve been a complete asshole today, I know. It’s just… What happened when we kissed is so humiliating.”

“Why? It’s not your fault. Believe me, Stevie, I’d kiss you again in a heartbeat, if it wasn’t for… uh…”

Eddie’s adorable blushes and the silly pet name are invitation enough. Steve closes the gap between them, leans in and whispers:

“You win. Maybe we shouldn’t kiss again till we’ve figured out exactly what’s going on, but… C’mon, man, you’ve touched me plenty without any bad repercussions. I slept in your lap.” We freakin’ spooned! “There’s gotta be something fun we can do.” 

Eddie shakes his head, squirming hilariously. “You take a turn for the worse, papa bear will rip my guts out.”

“What are you talking ab… Oh, Robin? Seriously?”

“Look, I really don’t want to hurt you.”  Steve’s chest pangs, because this could be a brush off. 

Or it might not be.

“C’mon, Munson. Promise I’m not gonna break.” At that, a dirty little smile plays on Eddie’s mouth, which sends sparks through Steve’s veins. “What you thinking?”

The smile evolves into a filthy laugh. “All right, before you get out the thumb-screws—I used to have this fantasy about you. It’s totally messed-up, kinda kinky. I wouldn’t expect you to be up for it, even if we didn’t have our current, uh, issues.”

“Oh!” To be fair, Eddie is right. Steve has never been into kinky shit. That said, before this guy hijacked his heart, he’s never salivated at the mere thought of tattoos. “Um, try me?”

Eddie husks his little scenario into Steve’s ear, and Steve decides he’s totally game. 

“It’s a kook-ball daydream,” says Eddie. “We shouldn’t really—"

“You wanna tie me up, Munson? We got plenty of rope a night to kill.” He slinks his arms up and under Eddie’s t-shirt. “Let’s do this.”

Part 10

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 10 Part 11

[bookishblogging]

THE ILIAD: FOR DUMMIES ☀️ MASTERPOST

just kidding you're not a dummy, you're some hot stuff right there! i will be going through the entire iliad and giving you a general overview, some interesting plot points, additional context, and some other analysis tools to better help you understand the epic!

This post will serve as a table of contents (at the end) to my Iliad posts and a general overview that I will be constantly updating! I am using the Richmond Lattimore translation of the Iliad, alongside my companion book by Malcom M. Wilcock

Before we get into analyzing the actual Iliad, we need to get into some essential questions and context about the book

WHAT IS THE ILIAD:

The Iliad was written by Homer (this is actually debated but we can get into that later) around 750 and 550 B.C.E.

At its core, the story is about heros and humans. It's an Iron Age poem about an event, the Trojan War, that was supposed to have taken place in the Bronze age. The Iliad is considered to be a poem comprised of multiple books, 24 to be exact

This story is only a few days of the tenth and final year of the Greek siege against the city of Troy- this means it relies on the audience already knowing most of the basic details about the Trojan war and the gods themselves (don't sorry, I will provide this for you as we go along)

WHO IS HOMER:

The age old question: who the fuck is Homer?

Literally nothing is known about this dude except that he wrote (or was credited with writing) the Odyssey and the Iliad

People have referenced his writings for EONS. Archilochus, Alcman, Tyrtaeus, Callinus, and even Sappho have referenced the poems of Homer in their own works. These also were popular in fine art in the late 7th century B.C.E.

There is a general consensus that Homer was from Ionia- a territory in western Anatolia or modern day Turkey that was populated by Greeks who spoke the Ionian dialect, aka the birthplace of Greek philosophy. Want more info on Ionia? Click Here!

His descendants were called the Homerids/Homeridae

There is scholarly debate on if he even wrote both the Iliad and the Odyssey, or if he only wrote one, etc etc etc. This is due to some very specific differences in the structure of the words used (like the use of short vowels, and the seemingly unimportant semivowel of the digamma being missing from the epics...yeah it's a lot)

The poems were reproduced ORALLY. This means that the poems were passed down by word of mouth, which if I were to sit and listen to this entire book via a guy singing at me...idk man I think I would leave

All of this to say, we really don't know who Homer is. There's a lot more information about what he could have looked like, if he really did write the Iliad, and a million other things, but I've already talked your ear off and we haven't even gotten into the book yet. If you want more information about Homer, check out my sources at the end of the post!

WAS THE CITY OF TROY REAL:

Yeah. There were nine layers exposed at the site of where Troy was expected to be, and nearly fifty sublayers at the mound of Hisarlik

Troy was a vassal state: meaning it had an obligation to a superior state, which happened to be the Hittite Empire

Troy had a lot more allies than original fighters in the city, meaning they had many language barriers- making the army harder to control than the unified Greek enemy.

THE STYLE OF THE ILIAD:

Cause - Effect - Solution

The poem is concluded with a mirror image of its beginning: an old man ventures to the camp of his enemy in order to ransom his child

The poem foreshadows the death of Achilles in MULTIPLE passages! He knows he is destined to die young if he fights at Troy, and the demise of his lover (don't fight me on this) Patroclus gives us an even more extended foreshadowing of the grief that is to come

When Achilles dies, Thetis (his mom) takes his body from the pyre and takes him to a place called the White Island. It's not clear whether he is immortalized BUT the reference to Achilles funeral in the Odyssey states that Achilles is cremated and his bones are placed in a golden urn along those of Patroclus, and the urn is entombed under a prominent mound (tsoa fans...you're welcome)

This isn't really necessary knowledge but moreso something I think is cool: the backstory from the Iliad of an abducted bride also appears in the Sanskirt epic Ramayana (circa 4th century B.C.E.)

okay now here is the ACTUAL important stuff

Humanity is the center of the universe in the Iliad. Humans motivations and concerns generate action in the poem, while the gods are often reduced to the role of enablers or spectators

The style of the poem collaborates with the vision that the speciousness of this epic means that every thought and gesture, spear cast and threat, intimate conversation and lament CAN be recorded. It gives a consciousness behind the demands of the iliad that these interactions MUST be recorded, this attention to detail is another way of showing centrality and the worth of the human experience (Greek OR Trojan)

The Iliad is ultimately a poem about death, the chief elements that distinguish the mortals from gods are: Death shadows every action, and death is neither abhorred nor celebrated. Instead it crystalizes by means of this one theme, death in battle, the essence of what it means to be human (Life is a struggle each person will always lose, the question is how one acts with that knowledge)

Modern readers and analysis blogs will state that one's inner spirit is somehow the "real" self, however the Iliad assumes the opposite: The psykhai (soul, spirits) of dying heroes fly off to Hades while their autous ("selves") are left behind in the form of dead bodies

Glory is INCREDIBLY important in the iliad, why? If mortals could live forever (like gods) then glory would be useless. It's a commodity to be exchanged, and because of this it has an economic and symbolic reality

Companionship is incredibly important

Pity is also very important, it's the concluding note of the poem. Even the gods feel pity

THE GODS AND THE ILIAD:

The Iliad gains depth by the divine dimension shedding glory on the humans at Troy. The gods are so intensely concerned with warriors and their fates which elevates the mortals to a special plane

Mortals are only separated from gods because they grow old and die

The symbiotic bond of gods and mortals is always see-sawing between adoration and antagonism

Humans who get too close to the gods risk being struck down, case in point, Achilles. He's young, well-made, he's a warrior but also a singer/musician (the only hero to be seen doing such a thing), he looks and acts like Apollo. THEREFORE...it's no coincidence that Apollo is ultimately the god who slays Achilles, just as he did Patroclus

Poetry supplemented or even guided ancient Greek religious interpretation much more than the activity of priests due to the lack of any official religious text. This gave ancient Hellenism a very fluid nature

This was a long post, and it's only the first of many! I will continuously update this with more sources about the Iliad and answer any FAQs that come up! I love classic literature, and as a STEM student I need to entertain my passion somehow lol. There is a table of contents at the top of the post, as well as right here. This will be updated for each book of the Iliad I write about, as well as any supplemental posts I make about certain topics and themes as I go along. I am putting a LOT of work into this series of posts, so let me know your thoughts or anything you'd like me to change/add/etc! Happy reading!

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

(This is empty because this is the only post...more posts coming soon)

Sources/Citations/Additional Material

Homer- Britannica

Homerids- Britannica

Who Is Homer- The British Museum (fuck the British Museum)

Ionia Information- World Encyclopedia

The Hittites- Britannica

Ramayana Overview- British Library

Overview of Greek Mythology- Theoi

The Iliad- Overview via Britannica

Thetis- World Encyclopedia

[topaziraphale]

Hi I still haven't gotten out of bed but I'm already fully armed and ready to shoot down anyone that tries to say Aziraphale doesn't care about Crowley anymore or WORSE, never loved him THAT much in the first place.

Crowley is quite literally his top priority, he made that very clear with how distraught he is when Crowley leaves. Why would he shout "Don't go!" "Crowley, come back!" and "I NEED YOU!" if Crowley wasn't always at the forefront of his mind? Why is he so visibly striken and upset when he gives him that last, longing look, begging for Crowley to come with him and be with him forever, before deciding to step into that elevator? When he gets in there, his entire purpose shifts. He IS going to make everything better, and he IS going to make Crowley see the error of his ways.

I can promise you all Aziraphale is going to stop at NOTHING to get Crowley to come be with him forever, as an angel. He is going to do WHATEVER it takes, now that he is the acting Supreme Archangel. It's Crowley he wants first, Heaven he wants second, and, sadly, due to the Mettatron making this offer, a life on Earth he wants last. And that sets up such a FANTASTIC conflict for S3!!!!!

Aziraphale, our beloved, fussy, STUBBORN Aziraphale, is now compromised. He is compromised with POWER. Power as the LITERAL, SUPREME ARCHANGEL. Is this NOT SUCH AN EXCITING AND HEARTBREAKING PROMISE FOR A WILD S3 EXPERIENCE??

Guys, we ALL know Aziraphale let Crowley down, but you have to see that Crowley let Aziraphale down in his eyes. Just as much. That's what makes this scene so tragic. We know Aziraphale isn't thinking the way we and Crowley thought he would, or HOPED he would despite how the world Didn't End. How despite everything in how S1 ended, he was still left with an uncontested sense of superiority that we were all too elated to see was something Left Behind within him.

This season brought all that stuff out:

"We will win of course. Obviously. Heaven will triumph over Hell. It's all going to be rather lovely."

"You were an angel once..."

"Why, yes, I am a great deal holier than thou, that's the whole point."

(after gabriel/beelzebub leave in s1) "See, Crowley, it's as I said--" (back to what he said in the Bentley in S1E2, how Evil always plants the seeds of its own destruction and Good will always win out in the end)

These types of thoughts, and him spending all of the 6,000 years he knew Crowley separating them as one inherently good and one inherently wicked.... guys, that won't just go away after only 4 years of being on their Own Side. We hoped it would. We wanted it to. But it doesn't make sense. Yes, even if the earthshattering realization Aziraphale had that Heaven never truly cared about what was Good did change his character and essentially complete his arc in S1... it didn't change everything.

His arc in S1 was completed when he learned that Heaven wasn't for him. That they never cared. That only he and Crowley could save this world. But this is where the show deviates from the book - Aziraphale in the book is angry. Bitter. Scorned. Aziraphale in the show is just heartbroken. He mourns for the only ever family he knew. He mourns what he always saw himself to be. That mourning isn't just going to go away after 4 years. What is 4 years to a creature that has lived for a possible billion before the Creation? 4 years on earth to 6,000? That terrible wound he suffered that day is still VERY much fresh. It's an open wound he didn't properly take care of. And the Mettatron noticed, didn't he? Yes, you can understand that someone or Something isn't FOR you, and know all the reasons why, yet still wish you could go back... it's how abusive relationships work. You confuse nostalgia with remorse. You confuse nostalgia for real love.

Of COURSE he would seize the opportunity to get what he felt he lost back. And HE could do it. HE has the power. He can make it ALL RIGHT again, everything he's ever wanted...

...and this is why he completely breaks down when Crowley doesn't want to be beside him to do it. Rewatch it. Look at him. Look in his eyes. The way he winces when Crowley kisses him. His internal conflict (Heaven/Crowley vs. Our Side/Crowley) is externalized through Sheen's brilliant acting. His arms coming up to embrace him, but they never fully commit, they just graze him and hover around his body. The way he launches himself backward, away from the kiss, but his body is still slightly leaning forward. When he brings up his shaky hand to touch his lips, and not crying. Never crying. Because he is an Angel, and Angels don't cry. Not like a Demon would. Crowley is all he wants, but now, Crowley doesn't want him. Not like this. Not anymore.

Because, well, Aziraphale said it, didn't he?

Nothing lasts forever.

[zerolostwalks]

Fic writer asks:

4, 11, 16, 24, 44, 70

(there are too many great questions!)

Thank you thank you! They are really good questions!! (found here)

Long post is long so there's a read more cut. (Question 16. (How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?) gets especially long because I decided I want to discuss all my WIPs.)

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

This is a wonderful question, and honestly it depends. Some ideas definitely are me reading or watching something and forming an AU around that. Sometimes it's listening to music and a vibe strikes me that I am like I must write a story that fits this vibe. Other times, I'll be daydreaming and a single scene will pop into my mind and haunt me until I write it down which usually leads to creating the world and circumstances to allow that scene to happen. Sometimes I get an impulsive (in the cases of my darker angstier stuff intrusive thought) and my brain is like wouldn't that be messed up? (Like Crash Pad, Ch 11 solely happened because I built the backstory for the POV character and brain went, you know what't be really screwed up?)

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Oh geez. But there are so many good fics!! At this moment the immediate top 3 that jumped in my head were:

-It's a supernatural delight by @invisibleraven (JatP fic) -Trip of My Life (Every Time You're Touching Me) by @daintyduck99 (JatP fic) -Prince Charming's Jacket by hitechlatte (Rise TMNT fic)

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

So most of my fic ideas are in some WIP phase. (I'm serious when I saw I need a focus schedule to help me out) We Run Together - This next chapter is all Reggie being all anxiety riddled because Cam and Bobby take him shopping . . .still not sure if we're gonna get to the plane ride this chapter or next. Bobby's first since turning and Reggie's first period. . .it's a miserable affair for the two of them. I have this mental image of them during a layover just sprawled in the waiting away noses shoved in some sort of fast food bag or peppermint bag fighting off the queasiness of being trapped in a metal tube with a bunch of people, including young kids. . Hello Baby June, Goodbye Heart - I keep going back an reading what we have for the next chapter and all our notes. I don't know how much Ash is ok with me gushing about details bu I'll just say the stuff we've got planned it's literally that meme of "give me fic. 'you have to write it.' no write only fic." A lot of of my JatP wips are on rotisserie skewers in my brain right now, rotating, coming into view, reminding me of their presence, enticing me to work on them. And they ALL have moments that I am like, you were the scene! The reason I started this fic in the first place and I still haven't gotten to you yet!! . Crash and Burn - Gotta get through this last chapter of Crash Pad, which is gonna be fun. But then Glowing Embers!! Aaaah, the Donnie POV side of Crash Pad!! Especially Ch 9-11 of Crash Pad like I am at that point of must write this that I have worked myself into a frenzied state where writing is no longer possible . Finally the Donnie Double AU - This AU has so much angst potential. Right now I have two planned fics for it. An unnamed one where Mikey goes after the Donnie Duplicate to try and coax him back to the lair. Only instead he sets him off. And like I said, it gets angsty. The Donnie Duplicate 1000% believes he is OG Donnie, it is hardwired into him, no amount of evidence is going to convince him otherwise. Also hardwired into him is the belief that the only way to get his life back is to kill the entity that stole it from him i.e. OG Donnie. Which leads me to the second planned fic Meant to Be(working title, it may change). This is the reader insert(possibly OC) led fic. Essentially the premise is Donnie Duplicate runs into MC, and initially begins clinging to them out of an 'I just lost my entire support system' desperation that turns into a really unhealthy obsessive possessiveness. When I say it is pulling a lot of vibes, especially the planned ending, from Meant to be Yours from Heathers the Musical I ain't lying. In fact most of the vibe songs I am pulling for this lean into dark and angsty feels. Straight up have been listening to a song called Stalker's Tango on a loop for planning parts of this fic

24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

Hmmmmmm, this ones tough, if it was bad advice I most likely purged it from my mind. The thing is sometimes what is great advice for one person and their way of writing may be terrible advice for some one else. Like even the write daily advice, I think this is great advice. But it needs to be tailored to some extent. When I got back into fic writing I worked myself to the point where I am now needing to reevaluate my expectations of me and my writing. Because I can no longer keep up with the way I wrote a few years ago. The same advice I would have thought was great then would kill me now.

44. What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

This question would be easier if I had a regular beta XD. Personal mistake of my own that I keep noticing, I don't let the story breath enough.

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I have no hesitations telling people I write. I might not always discuss what the stories themselves are. But the brilliant thing about fanfiction is I don't have to, I can just talk about the joy of exploring the characters outside of canon, exploring how they would behave in different circumstances. At my sister's wedding a couple years ago, most people didn't even care about the what I was writing, more on the how I found the time. Because this was when I was in peak production mode, where I was slowly burning myself out with the sheer amount of writing I was doing without pacing myself at all.

[miradelletarot]

LORE/TIMING HELP!

OK BG3 and Forgotten Realms/ D&D people! I need your very high intelligence rolls tossed my way! So! I am trying to establish a semi-accurate and realistic time frame for between Acts 1-3. Possible (though very mild) Act 3 spoilers (not pertaining to anything patch 5 b/c I haven't gotten there yet so PLEASE don't discuss anything of that here...but general stuff may be mentioned so please proceed with caution).

So, in Act 3, if we don't play as Gale, we meet Tara on the roof. Now, She was left back in Waterdeep so assuming there was no Greater Teleportation spell available to her, it would take her about 45 days to get from there to Baldur's Gate. (Source) I can't recall anything being mentioned anywhere that anything like this was available, but if I'm wrong please lmk. Obviously, actual gameplay doesn't take this long, but I want to focus on what could actually be a realistic timeline. Think of any D&D campaign and you are gonna have fighting days, resting days, travel days, even shopping days. This is (sorta) reflected in game, but you can just play and play, and get thru everything in days frankly. I have spoken to a few people and some have said 1-2 months while others have said only like 2-3 weeks have passed. Which brings me to my next point: Weeks are separated into tendays (literally...10 days in a week). A month, is about 3 of those (with a few odd days tossed in through the year) which you can see in the image below. You'll notice that the events in BG3 take place just before Feast of the Moon (not important i guess, but interesting!) **more after the image**

So, if that's the case, that would put BG3 events taking place within a month's time, but even that seems short. There's so much to explore, so many people to help, etc etc. I had estimated (generously I'm sure) that each act took about 2-3 tendays each which would give us a roughly 2.5 to 3 month timespan. If this only goes for a 2-3 week span, then Gale is certainly rushing into the whole idea of marriage tbh lmao!! Like "babe, i know we have only dated for like a tenday, but marry me?" xD though, to be fair, even if we go for the 3 month (very generous) timespan bbygirl is still rushing into things, but I think we can give him a pass since they all fought for their lives and all lol. I just wanna get everyone's big lore dump info on this matter b/c I honestly wanna know, AND I am gonna use it to help time parts of my next fics. The timing is kinda important to help me plan things and also to make sure I am not doing some weird time dilation head canon shit that could mess everything up in the world LOL

[loony-n-moony]

Midoriya Should've Stayed Quirkless.

So i haven't been active in the MHA fandom for quite some time, but nostalgia brought me back to it. And along my nostalgia-fueled binge I've noticed a lot more stuff narrative wise that i kinda wanted to talk about.

That being, of course, that Midoriya (i'll be calling him Deku since it's easier) should NEVER have gotten a quirk.

The narrative theme that MHA pushes (or wants to push i should say), is that "anyone can be a hero" which would be fine and dandy if Deku's entire existence didn't destroy that. What do I mean? I'll tell you.

Literally the very first thing we find out about the world is that quirks are given to 80% of the population, and that little 20% group of "quirkless" people are pretty much shat on in every way, as demonstrated by Bakugou and the entirety of Deku's flashbacks. He's seen as a failure and a wannabe, his mother breaks down sobbing after they get news of his lack of quirk, and he's in utter shambles as well. Despite being able to get into UA on grades alone, it's believed he'll never make it far, and that he simply doesn't have the means to do so. Sound familiar? It should if you're disabled.

Deku is disabled in an allegorical sense, and he honestly doesn't make a bad allegory. It can be interpreted as either physical disability, or neurodivergency due to the broadness of what "quirklessness" entails, along with his overall personality. Things seem to be looking up in this sense, and it would pretty intriguing to see how this kid with no powers makes it by in a school with superpowered kids. Or it would, I should say.

The entire allegory along with the theme completely falls in on itself because Deku, after receiving a speech about how "anyone can be a hero! Even quirkless kids like you!" Immediately becomes allegorically abled a couple scenes later. The entire message becomes completely void after this, as Deku loses pretty much what made his character interesting to begin with.

"But if he did stay quirkless, how would the story even progress?!" I hear you ask, and i can answer that.

See, I am of the opinion that the story would’ve been ten times more interesting had Deku never gotten a quirk. I mean- c’mon. We have Batman don’t we? Sure, we have plenty of characters with downright useless quirks that have made it into UA, so why wouldn’t Deku be the same?

Simple! Just have Deku be the first to join the hero class. A quirkless kid getting by on nothing but his brains and downright insane attunement with his surroundings? And maybe some gadgets from his buddies over at the gear classes? That sounds awesome as fuck! Not to mention nearly all of his relationships with the characters become way more interesting.

Bakugou instead of being threatened by his fantastic new power, instead is witnessing the kid who he bullied for years on end completely dominate any competition thrown his way, and grow his skills at an incredible rate. Not only does he feel threatened, but he’s being proven wrong. Quirkless kids can be heroes. And they can be better than him. Now who doesn’t love a good bully getting their just desserts? And in what is arguably far more satisfying and empowering than just, “Wow Deku has better powers than me”. It also makes his sports arc moment with Todoroki feel far more satisfying as well.

“It’s your power not his” feels strangely more impactful when you realize Deku had to get his “power” from the ground up. He used what he had to get by, despite everyone saying he was nothing. It’s not Bakugou’s, it’s not his parents, and it’s not Allmight’s, it’s his.

Speaking of Allmight, where would he even fit in all this nonsense? Well, who said he had to give Deku a quirk to be his mentor? It was already pre-established that Allmight was thinking of giving Mirio his quirk. If we could have Allmight have already given his quirk to Mirio, it would not only give us a foreshadow of his character, but also give Allmight a reason for Deku to not have his quirk. Allmight used to be quirkless himself, so seeing a little boy in a similar position to himself when he was younger, and wanting to give that kid the chance to prosper for who he is? Not only is that super sweet, but honestly makes Allmight look like a better person.

There were so many ways in which the story could continue as we see it with the omission of Deku’s quirk. And I’m my eyes, a far more satisfying and empowering story that keeps its narrative.

[stripedwolf88]

*sigh* alright. I'm gonna vent about this for hopefully the last time but knowing me it probably won't be. That's fine. We must allow emotions to flow like the river but remember to let them go. I get there eventually.

Don't get distracted dude! Okay my peoples I'm going to "share the tea" as the kids say on that girl that has made me spiral this past week? Week and a half? I don't know what time is anymore honestly.

So...this girl is someone I met at work in October of this past year. We'll call her N okay so that it doesn't get confusing later. Anyway N and I hit it off pretty quickly and that's something for me because I'm pretty socially awkward and I find connecting with people in new settings difficult (who doesn't am I right?) We eventually started texting outside of work which then turned into hanging out together. I will admit I developed a minor crush on her even though I knew pretty early on that she had a partner called H. I have a tendency to "catch feelings" for people who are unavailable mainly straight girls. The reason for this is probably because I know that I'm not ready for a romantic relationship right now and having a crush on someone that you know can't return your feelings is safe and kind of fun? No harm no foul right?

Anyway I just decided to feel my feelings with no outward action that would be disrespectful to their relationship. I will say I gave N quite a few compliments but they fell within platonic bounds like "oh I like how you did your make up today" or "it's funny how you react to certain things" ect. And in no way was I ever physically close in any way because the hell if I am ever going to ever make someone uncomfortable with physical touch like I have in the past.

During our talks, N would sometimes complain about her partner being controlling. Telling her what to wear, getting mad at her for going out alone, getting irritated by who she was hanging out with. Mind you N's partner, H, is in California while we are here in AZ. I don't like H for treating N this way but I know it's not my place to talk crap about her partner. Just listen and sometimes offer support of my friend right? I've butted in where I shouldn't have in the past and it's gotten me into trouble.

So randomly one day H, the partner, adds me on snap when we had already had each other's phone number because N wanted to invite me into the dnd sessions. It didn't work out but I still kept the phone number just in case of whatever ya know?

I told N about H adding me and N tells me about how H got upset when she found that I was gay and that me and N had hung out in her dorm together. N explained to her that I was just a friend and that technically her roommate was technically also there just separated by a wall. (We were in like the living room area of her dorm while the roommate was in the actual bed room on a zoom) We literally just watched a movie and talked for a while about random stuff. Now N had already mentioned that I was gay to H prior to this little fight they had but apparently H forgot or something? At least that's what N told me.

Okay skip forward to a hangout at the nearby mall in which N tells me that H "trusts me" around N. It rubbed me the wrong way because of the other behaviors I listed above. We hangout and I swear N is basically on her phone throughout our outing texting H updates. And normally I would get it but it was incessant. Not every hour. No it was like every 15 minutes she felt the need to be texting her. I got a bit upset. I mean we're trying to hangout anf her being on her phone is making me feel ignored and disrespected. I brush it off saying I'm just being overly sensitive.

Skip to the past couple weeks I get not only a text message but also a Snapchat message from H. I respond cautiously because we haven't ever really spoken to each other prior to this. H cuts right to the chase and tells me she would appreciate that I not hang out with N alone anymore but hopes that this won't affect our friendship. 1. I am uncomfortable at this essential stranger telling me this 2. I am confused as to why I am not hearing this from N who is my friend and should be able to make this boundary with me 3. I begin to think that H is speaking to me without N knowing and essentially telling me to back off.

It takes me a long while to react and what I end up doing is screen shooting the message H sent me and sending it in a group chat that includes N, H, and me. I also write a message that just says " I believe in honesty and transparency" and I'm basically asking where this is coming from still thinking N doesn't know that H has texted me.

I come to find out that N did know that H was going to text me about this. H makes a comment that says "it's interesting that you thought we hadn't talked about this and that N didn't already know." I am immediately hurt at the idea that may not have felt comfortable to tell me this info on her own and angry at being "asked" to do something from a stranger. I convey my hurt and confusion. It turns kind of ugly fast in which H accuses me of butting in to their relationship by making the group chat when I was just trying to have everyone be on the same page and foster more open communication. I try to convey that it wasn't cool that N did not tell me about this change herself and how I would have respected it. They both don't seem to get why I'm upset. I at one point say how weird it is to hear this kind of thing from a stranger and N thinks I'm being disrespectful by calling H that. But that is simply what they are to me because I have never really spoken to H and gotten to know them. N basically ends up saying "I understand that you feel hurt and I had hoped this wouldn't affect our friendship but I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore."

Which to me seems like she thought that I might get mad. And that she is already kind of okay with us not being friends.

I had made comments to defend myself on why I made the group chat basically saying I don't know how well they communicate since I have been told of problems in the past from N. Which I think probably made H a little mad and N uncomfortable.

It ends with N just saying again they understand that I'm hurt but they never meant to make me feel as though I was not of value to them. I responded the next day saying that I needed some space from texting and hanging out outside of work but that I would remain civil at work until further notice.

I kind of gave myself an out because I don't really know how much I'm willing to invest in this friendship. And if I'm willing to try and sort through this drama. N's actions aren't really lining up with what she's saying by claiming that she values me when she has made me feel like this before.

I totally understand that H is insecure especially with things being long distance between them but for them to text me like that felt disrespectful to me. Had it come from N it would have been different. It would have been a frI end asking to make this adjustment because they are doing it out of respect for their partner and the health of their relationship. But no this seems to me based on the info I gathered from our convo and previous convos that this was mainly H's idea and that N just went along with it. And it would be another example of H being controlling.

I was and am hurt and feel like I got slapped in the face by this whole situation. I will say that N reassured me that there was nothing on my part that was causing this change. Which I'm gald because I would be disgusted with myself if I had done anything to make her feel uncomfortable.

I've recently come to the conclusion that I may just distance myself and say we can only really talk at work. I don't want to give myself the opportunity to say something I will regret but also the opportunity for me to get hurt like this again.

I would like to hear your guys' thoughts? Was I wrong to respond the way I did to that message? Should I try to repair this friendship or just let it go?

Woof. Sorry that was a lot. If you made it this far, thank you for reading and letting me vent.

[twiceland]

oh my gosh okay first of all happyyyy wednesday (it is wednesday in my timezone hehe) to everyone !!! today i hit 1k followers after having this blog since october 2022, and i feel ever so grateful for all of you, mutuals or not, for supporting me throughout this wild ride <//3 i'm currently in exam season (i'm crying inside) so i haven't been very active this year but i am still so happy and excited and ahhhh!!!!!! this means so much to me and honestly i can't even believe that we're here in this moment but wahshjdfhgjshd thank you all soooooo much <3 to celebrate, i decided to write mini email looking notes for some of my mutuals! please don’t be offended if i didn’t write an email for you; if you would like an email and we are mutuals please send me an ask and i will 100% write you one!!!!

to: miru ( @rosiesared ) subject: my fav yunjin stan

MIRUUUUU <3 i still cannot believe we’ve been friends for almost two years. you are genuinely one of the kindest people i know and one of the most genuine ones i know. you’re always there when i just wanna talk and ramble and we ramble together and i adore you for that 🥹 i remember us meeting and me being intimidated as fuck by you but u are the sweetest and have the most amazing personality 💖💖💖💖 i’m so proud of you always I LOVE U TO BITSSSSS

to: isai ( @solojihyo : @yosang ) subject: jihyo’s wife ( real !!! )

MY CLUMSY BLOB <3 hi my love!!! you are someone i love and hold so dearly to my heart <3 you’re someone i can talk to at my happiest and my worst, and you help me become a better version of myself. you’re so sweet and lovely and such a genuinely wonderful person and i appreciate you being in my life these past couple of years. i adore you!! love you sooooooo much my fav horanghae lover (btw i walked into a pole again yesterday. i didnt hurt myself dw) (also thank u for convincing me to download the cracked ps from the link you sent in the server) (i lov u)

to: michaela ( @mandu : @thefeelz ) subject: jennie’s loml

when you followed me i was so sure i was in a fever dream. i’m pretty sure i blinked at my screen like 200 times. ANYWAYS you are literally ,,,,, i think the only way to say this is so fucking cool . although we don’t talk a lot, seeing u on the dash is always a sure way to make me smile <3 i love youuuuu

to: zay ( @jeonwonwoo : @kimsdahyun ) subject: jeonghan’s bff

HI MY MOST BELOVED ZAY !!! over the last couple of months we’ve gotten sm closer and i just love hearing ab u talk about our fav sebongs and ps stuff && everything you’re passionate about. you’re genuinely one of the most fun and funny people i know and i adore you so much <3 love u love u love u jeonghans wife 💖💖💖💖 MY MOST AESTHETIC PRETTIEST QUEEN !!!!!

to: dana ( @lesseraive ) subject: chaewon = loml = the only girl ever

dana!!!! i still cannot believe its only been … a little more than a year? since we became mutuals 😭 you’re the best. i love shittalking w you, talking about our girls (jangchae) and how izone deserved and deserves better (we miss u izone) (u are forever) (never izgone) . you’re like an older sister to me and i feel like i can talk to you about anything. thank you for being here and being my friend, i love youuuu <3 jeonghyeon p01

to: elv ( @seokmins ) subject: seokmin’s pizza girl !

elvvvvv <3 tbh we’ve talked to about this before but i think the most funny part of our friendship is me not remembering how we met HSKFBSJSK i know that we were both mutuals in laws through isai but honestly it feels like we’ve been mutuals for like ….. ever. you are so sweet and lively it feels like we are just two sunshines together in a field of sunflowers whenever we talk 😭 you make me smile whenever you come up on the dash and you deserve all of the love in the entire world <3 sending my squishiest hugs your way! 💗

to: mini ( @venompinks ) subject: #1 blackpink lover

MINI MINI MINI !!!! hi beloved <3 tbh ive always seen u as like an older sibling to me. you have rhsi comforting vibe that just emulates love & support and i adore that. i love seeing ur creations && support towards ur favs (esp the pinks hehe) and ur so so so lovely!!!! sending u all the squishiest hugs in the whole wide WORLD !!!!!

to: theo ( @lovebitxx ) subject: chaer’s #1 <3

THEO THEO THEO THEO !!!!! i remember you following me during your lixblr era and feeling so :OOO bc that was pre gg blog and i was like wowowow bc all of your creations are so pretty 😭😭😭 im so happy we’ve gotten closer and u always make me smile and just seeing u on my dash and talking to u makes me so happyyyyy!! you’re so passionate about your favs and its always so nice to see you get excited about them ): i love youuuu so much 💗

to: daisy ( @svmit ) subject: juhyeon’s bf ( REAL ! )

MY DAISYYYYY i love you!!!! getting to know you have been soso fun and im so glad to know you 🥹🥹🥹 you’re genuinely so sweet and adorable and i want to squeeze u into the tightest hug 🫂 my fav lightsum && ptg stan 4ever!!!!! 💞💞💞

to: shreya ( @fawad-khan : @kiimtaehyung ) subject: tae’s wife & hyunjin’s gf 🎀🎀🎀

my most beloved shreya!!!!! hi akka i love u to the moon and back and beyond 💞💞💞💞 its kinda crazy to think a year ago we barely knew each other and now we’ve both celebrated our birthdays and waaaaaa it feels insane. i feel like. you’re genuinely someone i see as my older sister and i want to hug you so bad and. YEAAAA the momo to my sana i love youu <3 also thanks for teaching me that andrew garfield is a real person 😁 mwah

to: theo ( @toplines ) subject: best jeongyeon stan!!!!

HI MY LOVELIEST THEO!!!!! I ADORE U HEHE thank u for being one of the silliest most funny most genuine people in my life u are quite literally the kuromi to my melody, the jeongyeon to my sana and i lov u lots!!!!! u are the best ever and u deserve all the love and moreeee 💞💞💞💞 hehe ALSO U ARE THEEEE GFX ICON OF ALL TIME

to: lau ( @saerom : @127s ) subject: saerom’s biggest fan (real)

HI LAUUUUU hehe i know we havent been close for that long (i think we met in userps i dont even remember if im being honest) but you’ve always been someone i look up to. you have this ability to like. stay calm and handle difficult situations with ease and are so funny and fun to talk to!!!! ilu a lot and u are genuinely the sweetest ever <3333 also u are THEEEE URL QUEEN !!!!! never forget !!!!! hugs !!!! 💞💞💞💞💞

to: hales ( @3rachaas ) subject: changbins wife confirmed!!!

HALES HALES HALES HI !!! u are the funniest person ever actually genuinely seriously 100%ly (how many more adverbs can shri use,, more at ten) u are my east coast bestie and i love playimg games with u even if u win every single time 😓😓😓 ILY SOOO MUCH i wish i could hug u sososoososososo bad <////3 mwah!!!! also u are my fav 3racha stan 4ever (edit i hate tumblr ANYWAYS i miss our uno game nights can we have one again) (also hales edit era we miss u) (ilyilyilyilyily)

to: lee ( @komca ) subject: komcanation ‼️ mark’s wife

hi mother 😁😁 u are my favorite mark stan 😁😁 i lov u 😁😁 no in actuality i love u sm lee u are one of the most understanding kindest most funniest most amazing person ever u just. deserve all the love in the world!!!!! i love ur markisms and ur love for rnb and just how passionate u are about ur hobbies and interests!!!! adore u to the moon and back I LOVE U SMMMM HEHE MY ILICHIL LOVER IN CRIMEEEE 💜💜💜

to: naina ( @tutontawan ) subject: sakura’s wife 💞

sunshine wifey! HI MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER the hello kitty to my melo, kkura to my eunchae, gaeul to my wonyo, i adore u sooooo much u are quite literally my twin in every aspect and i love uuuuuu!!!!!! u are just the most sunshiney person to ever sunshine and never fail to make me smile and happyyyy I LOVE UUUUU MY FAV i cant wait to meet u one day <3

to: ace ( @ajusnice ) subject: my maknaez in crime <3

ACE ACE ACE ACE ACE ACE HELLO HI my fav gose watching partner hehe <3 no but actually its kinda bizarre how we havent been friends for a year but it feels so much. longer idk 😓😓 thank u for being sososoaoao supportive u always make me laugh and whether its u berating me over using light mode or screaming over junshua its never a boring day when we talk 🥹 im glad to have u as my friend and ILYSM!!!!!! 💞💞💞💞💞

i hope all of you had the happiest new years and hope that 2024 is our best years yet!!! love all of you sooooo much and thank you once again ♡♡♡♡♡

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset that all my friends constantly play a game together that I can't touch?

Basically, my friends (20s) and I (25nb) have known each other since high school. We used to hang out constantly but with adult life existing we just have less time to kill on silly things. Because of this, we now mostly have voice call hangouts on discord since its not as demanding of time.

Most of the time we would just chill and work on our own things, but a few months back a few of my friends started getting into Genshin Impact and would play it together while on the call. Eventually the rest of my friend group followed and started joining in, which I had no problem with, because it was a "sometimes" thing.

Recently though its been an "always" thing. Whenever we have a call everyone plays Genshin, and naturally a majority of the conversation is about what they're doing in Genshin, to the point where its kinda feeling like I'm interrupting if I talk about anything else.

I don't really have anything against the game, I just can't touch it because I have had previous issues with gambling type stuff and I recognize it's not something I can play. I'm glad I realized this early on when I was young and had limited disposable income + couldn't legally get a credit card, but the amount I spent on mobile games like this is nothing to sneeze at still. Now that I'm an adult with a decent income I try my best to be diligent.

I have been very open with my friends about this fact and they know my issues. I've tried asking them if we can play something different sometimes, because I feel kindof excluded. At best I've gotten back a "yeah sure" with no real follow-up or change, at worst I've gotten a "It's actually really kind to their F2P players and you don't need to spend money on it to progress etc etc etc" which. I've tried explaining that's not how this works and f2p won't stay f2p for me but sometimes it feels like they're just not listening.

Every time I bring up an alternative to try I get back a "Sorry I don't have the money rn" (bc anything without gambling mechanics costs money upfront) which I understand! But if I offer to buy a game for everyone when it's on sale or something they refuse because they feel weird accepting gifts.

I kinda got to the end of my rope with it because I don't think they were getting how isolating it was to be the only one not playing when we were hanging out. I kinda blew up after they gave me the same "nono don't buy me anything" on a game that was literally $3, and asked if actually gave a shit about including me in things anymore, which obviously they got super defensive about.

I feel bad about it because it was unfair even though we've barely talked about anything other than Genshin lately, and I tried to apologize but they basically froze me out. I snapped a little again after one of them told me I was being too sensitive about it and making my problem everyone's issue when they were just having a good time, and I haven't tried to talk to them for a few days now.

Obviously I don't want to lose my friend group over a stupid anime game, and I'm probably going to try to fix it. But I just want to know if I'm actually being too sensitive about this (I am pretty upset at being excluded bc of my issues, intentionally or not, and idk if that's affecting my judgement), or if theyre being too flippant about the problem.

AITA here??

What are these acronyms?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hii Cas!!! This is bagel anon. Andd

I've kinda gotten the sleep situation under control but I can't help put off sleep even if I have nothing to do. I have this anxiety about sleep cause I overthink a lot and all of my most horrible moments always come just when I have to go to sleep. Which is very annoying cause my mood goes downhill pretty quickly and when it does, I feel like the worst ever. Then I overthink some more and even if I go to sleep at atleast 10, I might as well fall asleep at 12.

Also I've kind of recovered from the burnout too? For past 2 days, I've just... not been studying much and honestly it feels so good to lay off for a bit and relax. I'm still procrastinating a lot and my stomach ache hasn't gotten better but I managed to start my math worksheet and I'm so glad! There's still so much work left but my school teachers are so nice. I felt sick once and asked to put my head down and my math teacher agreed and asked if im okay now. It was pretty small but it made me feel so nice for some reason.

Also my mom and I had a talk and she hasn't been saying so much about how lazy I am. I haven't properly talked to her about the stuff she says and how it hurts me a lot and honestly I have no idea how to because I suck so much at confronting problems. I once told her that I didn't like how she always comments on how fat I look (even tho i look decent) and I get how she has a lot of insecurity from being obese herself but she's always pushing this insecurity on me and I hate it so much (she still says it sometimes). Its made me so bitter towards her sometimes and even me. And even though she looks out for me a lot and understands I'm having a bad day, she never understands her own mistakes and i just snap at her so much nowadays which makes me feel like shit. She acts like I'm the worst person ever now even tho she doesn't realize how she is like. Taking a break with my door closed is useless cause she'll just come in randomly and start giving me lectures so i normally lock my door and just lay down and read something (normally with a excuse that I'm changing clothes or smth). But she screams so much if I lock my door. She never acts on it but it makes me so scared of locking it.

But other than that, my studies are almost complete and that makes me feel so happy. My best friend had gone on a trip for a week and normally we dont talk about deep stuff, just basic 'so whats up' (we travel together to school and live in the same area) but her presence makes me feel really calm so thats really nice too. And the rain is sooo much and the roads are literally flooded but damn do i love rain.

Soo anyway, tysmmm for the advice, it really helped to hear someone say I need to relax cause i really really did. I hope you have a wonderful dayy!!!

On a side note, Good luck babe by Chappell Roan is so good. Its literally on repeat in my mind!

Hi hon! I’m glad you’ve gotten a chance to relax a bit!

First, would it help to know that just closing your eyes and resting has been scientifically proven to be almost as helpful as actually sleeping? I know for me, I used to stress so much about sleep- “OMG I only have 6 hours to sleep. Well now I’ve been stressing and I only have 5.5. And now only 5. And so on…”

But if you just close your eyes and breathe it has almost the same benefits. It really helped me relax when I go to bed.

Also what your mom is saying to you is not okay and I’m so glad you realize that. Whether or not you are overweight (it shouldn’t matter) she shouldn’t be making comments like that. Being overweight doesn’t make people look “bad” and the way your mom is pushing her insecurities on you is super hurtful. I’m glad you know that she’s doing that, and your weight and your looks are separate from her. I’m sure you slay every outfit ❤️

Agreed, Chappell Roan is the loml